The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Girl Who’s on Fire (I, Katniss Everdeen)”

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Though I have done plenty of Hunger Games song parodies from popular movies and musicals, I seemed to have left one out for the two most important players in the Hunger Games, namely Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. Of course, this is because I haven’t found songs I can properly parody with their characters, well, at least ones that don’t come from Jesus Christ Superstar. Nevertheless, Katniss is the hero of the trilogy who begins this story in dire poverty after her father died in a mining explosion when she was 11 and has had to support her mother and sister for years. But when her little sister Prim is reaped to represent District 12 for the 74th Hunger Games, she volunteers to go in her place. Because after all, she couldn’t bear the thought of seeing her kid sister die in a nationally televised teenage death match. And then there’s Peeta, the youngest baker’s son who has dealt with an abusive family and harbored a crush on Katniss since they were 5 years old. But has only interacted with her once before when he took a beating from his mom for burning two loaves of bread that he gave to her, instead of the pigs. This while she was slowly starving to death while scrounging the Mellarks’ place for garbage. Nevertheless, unlike Katniss, Peeta was reaped for the Games and he doesn’t expect to survive because he loves her too much to bear the thought of killing her. But if confessing his love for her on national television can help her chances to win, he will certainly do so because there’s nothing he won’t do to keep her alive.

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As for parody, I thought of using “Man of La Mancha (I, Don Quixote)” which is the theme of the musical Man of La Mancha. Now this song is from a musical that debuted in the 1960s and based on the 16th century novel Don Quixote by Miguel Cervantes. However, just to take note, Miguel Cervantes wasn’t imprisoned by the Spanish Inquisition, he was put in jail for money problems and financial irregularities in his accounts. Yeah, not stuff that’s bound to make you look like a badass. Also, it’s not a faithful adaptation of the novel either. Still, the book is a timeless classic and a parody of the stories of knightly chivalry at the time. But this song is a hero’s song and an intro song. And in this Hunger Games version, I put this during her public appearance with Caesar Flickerman who introduces her. And since she’s the hero, she gets the Don Quixote portion while Peeta gets the Sancho Panza lines. Still, Peeta’s more of a magnetic hero with a great personality and is more of a talker. However, this is mainly Katniss’s song.

 

“Girl Who’s on Fire (I, Katniss Everdeen)”

Sung by Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark

 

Caesar Flickerman:

May I set the stage? I shall introduce a girl.

Come, she’ll enter to sit with me from District 12!

Her name… Katniss Everdeen… a coal miner kid,

16 years old….possibly underweight… eyes

that burn with the fire of inner vision. At Reaping,

volunteered to take her little sister’s place. Has

used a bow and arrow to hunt to provide for

poor, starving family for years since her father’s

tragic death in a mining accident. Not particularly

attractive, but she’s seen as a rising contender

for the 74th Hunger games… but whether she gets

out of the arena alive will be the question that

has yet to be answered. But no longer shall she

be the plain Katniss Everdeen from District 12…

but a formidable tribute known as –

Katniss Everdeen, the Girl Who’s on Fire!

 

Katniss:

Hear me now

Oh thou bleak and unbearable Panem,

Thou art base and debauched as can be,

And I a poor girl from 12 with her arrows and bow

Will make the odds ever in favor to me!

I am I, Katniss Everdeen,

The Girl Who’s on Fire,

My destiny calls and I go,

As I promised my young sister

I’ll try to win this time,

So I’ll survive so I’ll return home.

Survive so I’ll return home,

Into the arena I go!

 

Peeta:

I’m Peeta! Yes, I’m Peeta!

I do what I can so she can win.

I’ll show them they won’t own me,

I love her and hope she will live!

 

Katniss:

Hear me, I’ve volunteered

To save my little Prim!

Cause I know that she wouldn’t last,

But as I wear my Mockingjay pin

I promised her I’ll triumph at last!

 

I am I, Katniss Everdeen,

The Girl Who’s on Fire,

My destiny calls and I go,

As I promised my young sister,

I’ll try to win this time,

So I’ll survive so I’ll return home.

 

Peeta:

I’m Peeta! Yes, I’m Peeta!

I do what I can so she can win.

I’ll show them they won’t own me,

I love her and hope she will live!

 

Katniss and Peeta:

Survive so I’ll {she’ll} return home

Into the arena we go!

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Mein Herr”

Johanna

Of course, when it’s announced that the third Quarter Quell tributes were to be reaped by a pool of 59 living victors as a Hunger Games All-Star Edition, you can see why many victors would be upset. This is especially true for Katniss Everdeen who’s basically the only female victor in her district by Catching Fire as well as won her Games with Peeta the previous year. At least Peeta volunteered to take Haymitch’s place in the Reaping ceremony so he’d be there for Katniss and use the same strategy (like playing their romance for the cameras) while their mentor can reconnect with old friends and focus on other activities (like secretly working to incite a rebellion). Of course, other victors aren’t so lucky. Take Johanna Mason who hailed from District 7 that specializes in lumber. Now she’s 21 years old and won her games 4 years prior to the 2nd book. Of course, convincing her competition to underestimate her and being a vicious killer who’s handy with an ax certainly helped. Still, unlike Finnick who’s a nice and fun guy to hang around, Johanna can be quite a bitch since she’s rude, insulting, rebellious, and harsh. She’s also first seen stripping naked in the elevator, in front of Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch. Nevertheless, you can’t blame her for not being nice since she lost her entire family and friends for refusing to go along with the Capitol. It’s been hinted that this might imply Snow wanting to prostitute her.

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Now for her song, I decided to go with Cabaret’s “Mein Herr” which was first used for the 1972 movie. Now the original song is about a woman dumping her controlling boyfriend who wanted to change her from the freewheeling party girl she is. By the way, “Mein Herr” means, “my man.” And the musical takes place in last days of Pre-Nazi Germany like 1931. For the Hunger Games version, I kept the “Mein Herr” as a casual reference like “dude” since it sounds rather sophisticated. Also it preserves the original flavor of the song. However, I have her in the parody version talking to Caesar Flickerman and going on her classic cluster f-bomb rant like she did in the Catching Fire movie (in the book she just got on stage and talked about the love between the victors and the Capitol. Now if that’s not a lie coming from her…). Still, I think the f-bomb rant was better and kind of really showed her true feelings of the Quarter Quell. I mean if you went through what she had to deal with like being in the Hunger Games and Snow killing everyone she loves, you’d feel that way, too.

 

“Mein Herr” (Hunger Games Edition)

Sung by Johanna Mason

 

Caesar Flickerman:

For the 75th Hunger Games and Third Quarter Quell

I’m joined by District 7’s female victor Johanna Mason.

Johanna, do you have anything to say

To our audience tonight or your home district?

 

Johanna:

You have to understand the way I am,

Mein Herr.

The deal was if I won the Hunger Games,

Mein Herr.

I get to live the rest of my life in peace,

Mein Herr.

So I do…

What I do…

Thought I knew…

I was through…

Should be through…

Toodle-oo!

Now they have this stupid Quell.

It’s going all to fucking hell.

This isn’t fucking fair.

My time was over.

And though I used to care,

This is my big nightmare.

Why do they want to off me,

Mein Herr.

 

Please understand, Caesar,

Don’t want to die, in there.

Does Snow want to fuck me all over?

Why would the Capitol,

Would want me dead at all?

Because no one will miss me,

Mein, Herr.

 

The trees in District 7 are so tall,

Mein Herr.

Not only up and down, but side to side,

Mein Herr.

I couldn’t climb one if I tried,

Mein Herr.

So I do..

What I can…

Inch by inch…

Step by step…

Limb by limb…

Branch by branch.

 

Now they have this stupid Quell.

It’s going all to fucking hell.

This isn’t fucking fair.

My time was over.

And though I used to care,

This is my big nightmare.

Why do they want to off me,

Mein Herr.

 

Johanna and Victors:

Please understand, Caesar,

Don’t want to die in there.

Does Snow want to fuck me all over?

Why would the Capitol,

Would want me dead at all?

Because no one will miss me,

Mein, Herr.

 

Now they have this stupid Quell.

It’s going all to fucking hell.

This isn’t fucking fair.

My time was over.

And though I used to care,

This is my big nightmare.

Why do they want to off me,

Mein Herr.

 

Johanna:

Fuck you, Capitol

 

Victors:

Don’t want to

Kill again

 

Johanna:

No way…

 

Victors:

They have this

Stupid Quell.

This isn’t fair.

 

Johanna:

My time was over.

 

Victors:

They really

Screwed us.

 

Johanna:

And though

I used to care,

 

Victors:

And though we

Used to

Care,

 

Johanna:

Maybe…

 

Victors:

They put

Us through

Again

Now.

Why do they

Want to

Off us,

 

Johanna:

And fuck that!

 

Johanna and Victors:

Now they have this stupid Quell.

It’s going all to fucking hell.

This isn’t fucking fair.

My time was over.

And though I-

Used to care,

This is my big

Nightmare.

 

Johanna:

Why do they want

To off me,

 

Victors:

Don’t want to die…

 

Johanna:

Why do they

Want me dead?

 

Victors:

This isn’t fucking fair…

 

Johanna:

No…

 

Victors:

Leave us alone

 

Johanna:

Yes…

 

Victors:

Just…

Kiss our asses!

 

And shove it…

 

Johanna:

Up…

 

Victors:

To the Capitol…

That goddamn Quell!

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Make Her Pretty”

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In the Hunger Games, public image is a huge deal that it’s a dominating theme in the series. And in the Hunger Games, it’s such a huge deal that it could make  a difference between life and death since the competition is very deadly. A tribute cannot win the Hunger Games on pragmatic survival skills alone. They also have to win over an audience and attract sponsors in the days before the Games even begin. Of course, there are interviews which aren’t Katniss’s strong suit. But luckily, Peeta loves her and has a magnetic personality to excel in the PR department that if it weren’t for him, Katniss wouldn’t have stood much of a chance. Nevertheless, when PR can make a difference between life and death, professions that many might seem rather trivial become critical. And in the Hunger Games, having crappy stylists and fashion designers may hurt your chances of leaving the arena alive. So whenever a tribute arrives at the Capitol, they’re given a makeover by a team of stylists in order to look acceptable to a TV audience, which means all the lady body hair has to go (save for the head). And each district prep team has a particular stylist who designs the outfits the tributes would wear in the Avenue of the Tributes parade, which reflects their local resource. Many of these can be ridiculous. But fortunately, District 12’s resident stylist is a young man named Cinna who’s actually a very nice guy and one of the better fashion designers in the Hunger Games (though you might know it from the movies).  His outfits before the 74th Hunger Games establish Katniss as “the Girl on Fire” in order to make her look unforgettable and irresistible. He also insisted that she and Peeta hold hands during the parade.

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Now I thought a good parody for Cinna would be a ripoff of “I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story. Yes, I know that the original song is about how smitten Maria is over falling for Tony. And I know that Cinna is played by Lenny Kravitz in the movies and old show tunes aren’t his forte. But still, in the Hunger Games version of this song, I have Cinna and the rest of Katniss’s prep team singing about making her look pretty for the cameras in order to win over audiences and attract sponsors. Yes, I have her prep team talk about how dirty and smelly she is. But c’mon, do you expect Katniss to have excellent hygiene habits? I mean she’s from one of the poorest families in District 12 who spends most of her spare time hunting in the woods to support her family. Let’s just say she’s not going to look as clean as Jennifer Lawrence did in the movie.

 

“Make Her Pretty”

Sung by Cinna and Katniss’s Prep Team

 

Cinna:

Make her pretty

Oh, so pretty,

Make her pretty and witty and bright!

And the city

Will be falling over her tonight.

 

Girl on fire

Will draw desire

That the Capitol will surely squeal!

And so pretty

That they hardly can believe she’s real.

 

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:

Who can that attractive girl be?

Make a pretty face,

Wear a pretty dress,

Wear a pretty smile,

Katniss Everdeen!

 

Make her stunning

And entrancing,

So the Capitol may surely adore,

So she’ll soon

Attract important sponsors for sure!

 

Prep Team:

Have you seen our poor girl from 12 there

Has the hairiest legs of the lot?

Her armpits smell far worse than Peeta’s,

And her hair’s greasier than an oiled up pot.

 

Her toenails need cut.

She might need a bath.

Her face has some zits,

So what’s up with that?

 

She has so much dirt,

Did you see her teeth?

She has so much grime

She probably has fleas.

 

How to work with her?

Tell us, Cinna!

She dearly needs

A good TV image!

 

Grimy and poor,

Oily and unrefined

With terrible BO

And a stinky behind!

 

Cinna:

Make her pretty,

Oh, so pretty

That the Capitol will see her with glee

That it’d be shitty,

That if she was killed off by a teen from 3.

 

Prep Team:

La la la la . . .

 

Cinna:

Make her lovely,

Make her sunny,

Make her lovely and sunny and fine,

And so pretty,

That some sponsors can keep her alive!

 

Prep Team:

La la la la . . .

 

Cinna:

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:

 

Prep Team:

What mirror where?

 

Cinna:

Who can that attractive girl be?

 

Prep Team:

Which? What? Where? Whom?

 

Cinna:

Make a pretty face,

Wear a pretty dress,

Wear a pretty smile,

Katniss Everdeen!

 

Prep Team:

Katniss Everdeen!

 

All:

Make her stunning

And entrancing,

So the Capitol may surely adore,

So she’ll soon

Attract important sponsors for sure!

 

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Mockingjay Superstar”

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In the third book of the Hunger Games trilogy, Katniss Everdeen is now a symbol of the rebellion as the Mockingjay. Now what’s a Mockingjay you might ask? Well, according to the books, the Capitol created a genetically engineered bird called jabberjays in the Dark Days of the first rebellion. These birds were used for surveillance, designed to remember and repeat human conversations verbatim with human voices. As anyone with a parrot would know, avian espionage is probably not a good idea if you do it with talking birds. The rebels quickly discovered this and fed them lies instead, which upset the Capitol that they let these jabberjays die in the wilderness. But the jabberjays didn’t and because they were exclusively male, they ended up breeding with female mockingbirds to create a new species. And that’s the Mockingjay, a bird that wasn’t meant to exist. During the Hunger Games, Katniss wears a Mockingjay pin and as she wins the 74th Hunger Games through defying the Capitol due to her unwillingness to kill Peeta when she could, districts start rebellion and associate her with that bird for the rest of the trilogy.

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Now for the parody, I once again took from Jesus Christ Superstar with the “Superstar” song. Now I had it sung by Katniss’s hunting partner and longtime friend, Gale Hawthorne. Sure he has a romantic interest in her, but let’s face it, he doesn’t have a chance mostly because Katniss saw him as a big brother. And by Mockingjay, the only way’s he’s ever going to end up with her would be if Peeta dies. Yes, the love triangle gives Gale the short end of the stick. However, Suzanne Collins really didn’t want to include one in the first place and intended Gale to be her cousin. But Twilight happened so she didn’t have much choice from her publishers. In the original, the voice of the dead Judas Iscariot asks Jesus questions that are on his (and almost everyone else’s minds), many of which have not been fully understood in over 2000 years. Of course, there’s a reference to Muhammad who didn’t come to the scene until 5oo years after Jesus, but I didn’t write the song so don’t ask me. For the Hunger Games version, I have Gale asking Katniss about whether she meant her actions lead to mass Capitol defiance and why she let her image get so out of hand. And whether she is the icon so many people at Panem think she is. Still, I didn’t change a lot of the song though.

 

“Mockingjay Superstar”

Sung by Gale Hawthorne

 

Every time I look at you

I don’t understand

Why you let the things you did

Get so out of hand

You’d have managed better

If you’d had it planned

Why did you use such a deadly game

To make your own stand?

 

Now you’re Mockingjay

You could now reach the whole nation

District 13 now has great mass communication

(Don’t you get me wrong)

Don’t you get me wrong

(Don’t you get me wrong, now)

Don’t you get me wrong

(Don’t you get me wrong)

Don’t you get me wrong

(Don’t you get me wrong, now)

Don’t you get me wrong

 

(Only want to know)

Only want to know

(Only want to know, now)

Only want to know

(Only want to know)

Only want to know

(Only want to know, now)

Only want to know

 

Chorus:

Mockingjay

Mockingjay

Who are you? What have you got to say?

Mockingjay

Mockingjay

Who are you? What have you got to say?

Mockingjay

Superstar

Do you think you’re what they say you are?

Mockingjay

Superstar

Do you think you’re what they say you are?

 

Tell me what you think

About your friends at the top

Now who d’you think besides yourself

Was the pick of the crop?

Finnick is he where it’s at?

Is Peeta where you are?

Could Johanna move a mountain

Or was that just PR?

Did you mean to win like that?

Was that a mistake or

Did you know your messy act

Would be a record breaker?

(Don’t you get me wrong) Don’t you get me wrong

(Don’t you get me wrong, now) Don’t you get me wrong

(Don’t you get me wrong) Don’t you get me wrong

(Don’t you get me wrong, now) Don’t you get me wrong

(Only want to know) Only want to know

(Only want to know, now) Only want to know

(Only want to know) Only want to know

(Only want to know, now) I only want to know

 

Chorus:

Mockingjay

Mockingjay

Who are you? What have you got to say?

Mockingjay

Mockingjay

Who are you? What have you got to say?

Mockingjay

Superstar

Do you think you’re what they say you are?

Mockingjay

Superstar

Do you think you’re what they say you are?

 

Mockingjay

Mockingjay

Who are you? What have you got to say?

Mockingjay

Mockingjay

Who are you? What have you got to say?

Mockingjay

Superstar

Do you think you’re what they say you are?

Mockingjay

Superstar

Do you think you’re what they say you are?

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “My Favorite Things”

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Yes, President Snow is a really nasty piece of work if you look at a lot of the terrible things he’s done. Nevertheless, he’s a human being like everyone else in the franchise. For instance, he has a family such as a granddaughter he dotes on. So it’s certainly verbatim that he was liked enough for someone to sleep with him to procreate. I mean having a granddaughter is kind of living proof of that. But still, just because he’s a grandpa doesn’t mean he’s a very nice guy. Because he’s basically evil incarnate. And besides, other than torturing Peeta to insanity, killing henchmen, unleashing his wrath to control the victors,  and forcing teens to fight to the death, he does a lot of other nasty shit as well.

Snow_and_granddaughter

For some rehash of what Snow likes to do throughout the series, I used “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music. Yeah, I know it’s a song sung by Julie Andrews about kittens. However, it’s been mercilessly parodied ever since. Part of the reason I did a favorite things for Snow was mostly due to a cartoon parody of Josef Stalin singing the exact same song (though the melody was altered so they wouldn’t be sued). Of course, I saw this when I was a kid. Nevertheless, I think Stalin and Snow would have a lot in common. Seriously, they both love torturing and systematic murder. Still, not sure if Snow could compete with Stalin’s body count.

 

“My Favorite Things” (Hunger Games Edition)

Sung by President Coriolanus Snow

 

Banning all hunting to deter killing critters

Fatally torturing Avoxes before prisoners

Forcing some teenagers fight to the death

I delight so much I get shortness of breath

 

Strong smelling, blood masking white roses

Publicly whipping poor people for poaching

Climbing to power by poisoning foes

These are some things that cure all my woes

 

Pimping out hot victors to their Capitol patrons

Ripping out tongues and enslaving some traitors

Threatening murder when I don’t get my way

These are some things that brighten my day

 

When some victors, destroy the arena

When I’m really mad

I simply imprison some of their loved ones

And then I don’t feel so bad

 

Water torture followed by electrocution

Using cold murder as my go to solution

Having my granddaughter over for tea

These are some things that please men like me

 

Hijacking prisoners and use them as weapons

Unleashing muttations as traps for rebels to step in

Nuking and wiping out District 12

These are some things that make me feel so well

 

Spying on citizens with surveillance cameras

Starving out districts for the Capitol’s distractions

Using young children as human shields

These are some things that give me the feels

 

When a victor wins by cheating

When I’m really mad

I simply kill off his loved ones back home

And then I don’t feel so bad.

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Torture of the Night”

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Note: There may be spoilers for those who haven’t read Mockingjay or watched Mockingjay Part 1. Then again, you might know that Peeta was captured by the Capitol anyway at the end of Catching Fire. This song pertains to when President Snow has Peeta captured in the arena and has him tortured, hijacked, and brainwashed in order to break Katniss’s heart.

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Yes, despite looking like a skinny and grandfatherly Santa Claus, President Snow is perhaps one of the most vile villains in contemporary literature. Seriously, the guy sees absolutely nothing wrong with making teenagers fight to the death on national television in order to keep the districts in line. And he runs a totalitarian regime as well as views murder as the go-to solution for almost any problem. But he doesn’t totally show his evil claws until Mockingjay when he captures Johanna, Peeta, and Annie Cresta (Finnick’s girlfriend) after Katniss, Finnick, and Beetee destroyed and escaped from the arena by breaking the force field. Well, they had help from Plutarch, Gale, and Haymitch who rescued them to District 13. And he tries to use Peeta and Annie to control Katniss and Finnick. Luckily for Annie Cresta, Snow doesn’t need to do much to her since she’s seemingly crazy to begin with. But with Peeta, Snow has him undergo physical, emotional, and mental torture as well as brainwashing with tracker jacker venom in order to turn him into a weapon against Katniss. I mean the Peeta almost strangled her to death because he saw her as an evil “mutt.” This makes Katniss brokenhearted and in a neck brace, feeling that Peeta has lost his love for her (i. e. he hasn’t, just fighting from the inside). Yeah, I know it doesn’t make sense but that’s what he does. Of course, he also forces Peeta speak out against the rebellion. And let’s just say if this wasn’t a PG-13 Young Adult trilogy, you can guess that Peeta would have a similar torture like Lawrence of Arabia or Tim Robbins in The Shawshank Redemption (i. e. brutal prison rape). Then again, who says that Finnick’s relationships with his “patrons” was 100% consensual? (i.e. They weren’t).

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As for the song parody, I went with “Music of the Night” from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera. Yes, the Phantom is trying to lure Christine into loving him. And yes, he’s a major creepy stalker of epic proportions. However, he’s not nearly as bad as President Snow. In the Hunger Games version, I have Snow tell Peeta exactly what he’s going to do to him and that he could do nothing about it. Of course, it also reflects the kind of genteel tone of voice he uses since Snow can be polite. Nevertheless, what he does to Peeta at the Capitol is just too horrible to imagine that it took a long time to recover and even that wasn’t at 100%. Poor Peeta.

 

“Torture of the Night”

Sung by President Coriolanus Snow

Nightmares sharpen, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses

Heard your girlfriend fled from the arena
Now you’re crying not sure when you’ll see her
Now I’ve got you in my grasp, I can act my plan at last
Hurt the Mockingjay so much that she cannot fight
Put you through the torture of the night

Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before
Close your eyes, let your nightmares start to soar
And I’ll make your life hell like it’s never been before

Softly, deftly, venom shall infect you
Feel it, hear it, closing in around you
Open up your mind, let bad fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the torture of the night

Let your mind put yourself under my control
I will make you a weapon against your squeeze
Your hands will lock her throat as she calls your name
Before you strangle her to death

Watch these Avoxes being tortured
Just so their deaths would bring you more horror
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the office and my might
The power of the torture of the night

You are now my tool within my sight
Infected with the torture of the night

 

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Be Prepared”

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Note: This post may inhabit some real spoilers. So if you hadn’t read Mockingjay or watch Mockingjay Part 2, you probably shouldn’t be reading this post. Seriously, this post gives a lot away, including stuff I can’t even talk about with my parents (since they’ve only seen the movies). But I have it on my blog anyway since it’s a catchy song and parody.

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Now as I said before, living in the underground city of District 13 really sucks since it’s so restrictive and everyone pretty much has to wear gray uniforms in civilian life. Still, by Mockingjay, this pretty much the only place where Katniss can go. Of course, she does accept Alma Coin’s offer of becoming the Mockingjay as well as the symbol of the revolution and Coin fulfills all of her demands. However, after Peeta is rescued and tries to strangle Katniss due to being hijacked by the Capitol with tracker jacker venom, courtesy of President Evil Santa Claus, Coin and Katniss’s relationship becomes a little more complicated. I mean they don’t always agree with each other and Coin isn’t very too fond of her. Nevertheless Coin sees her as a valuable tool and does whatever she can to have her on the rebels’ side. At least at first. But then again, there’s a chance Coin might not be as nice as you think she is.

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Now for a song parody, I decided to go with “Be Prepared” from the Lion King. In the original Scar reveals his plans to kill Mufasa and Simba so he can become king of the pride lands. And tries to get the hyenas on his side, promising he’ll let them go to the pride lands so they won’t go hungry again. That all the while he scolds them for not killing Simba and taking note of the hyenas’ stupidity. With the Hunger Games version, I went with Coin talking about District 13, her plans to bomb the Capitol as well as overthrow and kill Snow, and possible plans to kill Katniss if she ever decides to go against her. Or before Katniss ever has the opportunity to go against her anyway (I’m not saying that she’s plotting to assassinate her. Don’t want to ruin it). I know this is a villain song. But still, it’s a song for a would be usurper. Coin is at least one of these and she’s not exactly a nice lady. Hell, she may be as bad as Snow and probably even more ruthless.

 

“Be Prepared” (Hunger Games Edition)

Mostly sung by President Alma Coin

 

Coin: I never thought Katniss essential

She’s worth more to me dead than alive

But maybe she’s a glimmer of potential

Though I prefer Peeta at my side…

 

They thought District 13 laid in ruin

But we only moved underground

And when the districts started rebelling

We become the new refuge they’ve found

 

It’s clear from your vacant expressions

Our conditions are less than ideal

And here stealing bread leads to torture

Might be harsh but it’s part of the deal

 

So, prepare for the chance of a lifetime

Be prepared for the rebellion at hand

A shining, new era

Is tiptoeing nearer

Boggs: And where do we feature?

Coin: Just listen to me, Sir.

 

I know it sounds sordid

But we’ll be rewarded

When at last, Old Man Snow will be through

And it will all be deliciously squared

Coin/District 13: Be prepared!

 

[Speech]

Plutarch: Yeah, be prepared! We’ll be prepared! For what?

Coin: For the death of Snow!

Plutarch: Why? Is he sick?

Coin: No, fool, we’re gonna kill him. And maybe Katniss, too.

Boggs: Great idea! Who needs Snow?

Boggs and Plutarch: Anarchy! Anarchy! La-la-la-la-la-la!

Coin: Idiots! There will be a leader!

Plutarch: Hey, but you said, uh…

Coin: I will be leader! Stick with me, and you’ll never go hungry again!

Boggs and Plutarch (Variously): Yay! All right! Long live Coin!

District 13: Long live Coin! Long live Coin!

 

District 13: Coin, Coin, Coin, Coin, Coin, Coin!

It’s great that we’re back to rebelling

With a leader who is all time adored

Coin: Of course, with pro quo, you’re expected

To obey certain guidelines on board

 

We cannot waste our resources

We must ration our food carefully

But if Katniss tries to break orders

I’ll kill her before she assassinates me!!

 

Coin: So prepare for the coup of the century

Be prepared to free our Panem (District 13: Oooh… la, la, la!)

Meticulous planning (District 13: We’ll have food!)

Tenacity spanning (District 13: Lots of food!)

If Katniss surpassing (District 13: No teen meat!)

I’ll have her killed fast then (District 13: Snow’s defeat!)

 

I’ll rule, undisputed

Respected, saluted

And seen, for the leader I am

Let the Capitol burn if I care

Coin/District 13: Be prepared!

 

All: Let the Capitol burn if we care

Be prepared!

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “One Night at Capitol”

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Now while the Hunger Games usually involved teenagers fighting to the death, this isn’t the case when it comes to the Third Quarter Quell in Catching Fire which is the 75th Hunger Games. Now every Quell takes place every 25 years and comes with a special twist like you’d see on a reality show. Haymitch actually won the second Quarter Quell which each district sent 2 boys and 2 girls. So his odds were 47 to 1. Unfortunately, for Katniss and the other victors, this Quell’s theme turns out to be Hunger Games: All Star Edition. This means that tributes would be reaped from an existing pool of victors after being assured by the Capitol that they won’t have to take part in a death match again. Not anymore. Still, Hunger Games victors don’t have nice lives after they win. Yes, there’s fame and fortune but at a very steep price since the Capitol basically keeps an eye on them. And they have to come back every year to mentor tributes in their district. Not to mention, many have been suffering from PTSD as well as descended into addiction like Haymitch. If you’re very good-looking like Finnick, it’s possible that government would whore you out to some Capitol citizens, possibly the patrons who sponsored your victory. And if a tribute fails to comply to the totalitarian regime, then it’s possible that their loved ones could be killed off like Johanna Mason’s. Also, Haymitch’s family and girlfriend were killed off as well but that was because Snow hated how he won his Games. So it’s no surprise that plenty of victors hate the Capitol.  Still, getting a bunch of Capitol hating victors together to fight it out to the death (many of whom are friends with each other), what can go wrong with that?

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For a good parody of the victors’ views on the Capitol, I went with the song, “One Night in Bangkok” sung by Murray Head in the musical Chess. Yes, they actually did a musical in the 1980s pertaining to chess. And it’s about a chess tournament in Bangkok, Thailand. Yeah, in a city most people known for having a shady reputation in prostitution.  But when you think about it, the Capitol is a rather decadent city and is much worse than Bangkok (save the fact they’ll arrest you for doing Katniss’s 3 finger salute). I mean the Capitol has extravagant parties, fashion, and mass entertainment such as teenagers fighting to the death. It also has advanced technology, especially in medicine. Now before the Hunger Games, tributes are usually treated with 5-star accommodations like luxurious quarters, beautiful clothes, expensive cuisine, and a top notch training area to get them in shape before exterminating their peers. Also, Capitol citizens are watched 24/7 and not toeing the line has terrible consequences. I mean look what happened when Seneca Crane failed at his job by letting Katniss and Peeta live. With all its flaws, poverty, and shady reputation, you’d rather be in Bangkok compared to this place.

 

“One Night at Capitol”

Sung by the Quarter Quell Victors, Haymitch Abernathy, and Plutarch Heavensbee

 

Chorus:

One night at Capitol makes a hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

One night at Capitol and the tough guys tumble

Can’t be too careful with your company

I can feel Old Man Snow watching next to me

 

Haymitch Abernathy:

Capitol, hedonistic city

And the city don’t know what the city is getting

The creme de la creme of the Victors

In a Quell with everything but real winners

 

Time flies, doesn’t seem a minute

That the last Hunger Games had my two kids win it

All change, don’t you know that when you

Play at this level, there’s no ordinary venue

 

It’s forest or an island beach

Or desert or, or this place

 

Chorus:

One night at Capitol and Panem’s your oyster

Hotels are temples but the price ain’t free

You’ll find a sword in every golden cloister

And if you’re lucky when you’re dead by 3

I can feel a camera stalking up to me

 

Finnick:

This town’s not like any other

When your head’s down over your weapons, Brother

 

Wiress:

It’s a drag, it’s a bore, it’s really such a pity

To be trapped in the arena, not looking at the city

 

Johanna:

Whaddya mean?

Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town

 

Chaff:

Rich food, warm and sweet (warm, sweet)

Wonder how much those at the Capitol party

 

Beetee:

C’mon, you’re talking to a tribute

Whose every move among the repute

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine

 

Chorus:

One night at Capitol makes a hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

One night at Capitol and the tough guys tumble

Can’t be too careful with your company

I can feel Old Man Snow watching next to me

 

Peeta:

Panem’s gonna be the witness

To the ultimate test of murdering fitness

This scares me more than would

A muttation wolf or some rotten gouda

 

Plutarch:

But thank God, I’m only watching the game, controlling it

 

Katniss:

I don’t see you guys rating

The kind of shot I’m contemplating

You’ll have to watch, it sure would fright you

But if you’re in my place, they won’t excite you

 

So you better go back to your bars, your parties

Your massage parlors

 

Chorus:

One night at Capitol and the world’s your oyster

Hotels are temples but the price ain’t free

You’ll find sword in every golden cloister

A little flesh, a little slavery

I can feel a camera stalking up to me

 

One night at Capitol makes a hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

One night at Capitol and the tough guys tumble

Can’t be too careful with your company

I can feel Old Man Snow watching next to me

 

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Be the One That They Want”

Katniss-interview-the-hunger-games-girl-on-fire-dress

Now you’d think that Katniss Everdeen would have a chance in the arena with her wilderness survival skills that she’s developed due to her need to help her family, especially after her dad died in a mining explosion when she was eleven. However, the Hunger Games are also a reality show, a very sick one that commits human rights abuses, but a reality show nonetheless. So while Katniss can survive in the arena, it’s not everything. And the Capitol is hungry for drama and tributes who are appealing for the cameras like being hot or having a great personality that would get them sponsors to help them survive. It’s important for tributes to make themselves appealing in the days leading up to the Hunger Games. Unfortunately, while Katniss can look great in a pretty dress after she’s groomed up a bit, she doesn’t have the kind of personality that would stand up to sponsors and win over audiences. And let’s just say there’s not much time for Haymitch, Cinna, and her prep team to pull a My Fair Lady transformation either. However, Peeta Mellark certainly does and his love confession for Katniss on national television (a crush he had since he was 5) helps Haymitch market her as the object of Peeta’s affections. Of course, Katniss has to play along whether she wants to or not. But such star-crossed lover romance helps them both survive the Games in the first book.

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Now for the parody, I based it on “You’re the One That I Want” a final song from Grease. Yes, I know Katniss is supposed to be a role model to young girls while Olivia Newton John’s character basically is the antithesis of what every girl should do to get a guy like change everything about yourself. Then again, Travolta kind of liked her anyway, but still. And the original is a cheesy love song about needing a man. However, in the Hunger Games version, it’s not a love song and I have it sung by Haymitch. And he’s telling Katniss to at least pretend to reciprocate Peeta’s love for her in order to win the audience and attract sponsors that will help them survive the Games. Of course, he’s talking to a sixteen-year-old girl who’s about as emotionally stunted as Scarlett O’Hara. Still, this is certainly a situation where Katniss might really need a man in her life, particularly one like Peeta. I mean she needs all the help she could get. Besides, I thought having him sing a song from a 1950s style musical from the 1970s would be hilarious.

 

“Be the One That They Want”

Sung by Haymitch Abernathy with backup from Katniss’s Prep Team

 

You got skills, I’m not lying

But they won’t help you

If the Capitol won’t be buying

Then you’ll be dying!

 

You better shape up cause you need a man

So their hearts are set on you

You better shape up, you better understand

You need them to sponsor you (cause by yourself, you won’t even pull through)

 

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

The one that he neeeeeeds oh yes indee-ee-heed

 

Be the girl of Peeta’s affections

That will sure help your case

Meditate in my direction

Fake your way

 

You better shape up, cause you need a man (you need a man)

Who can keep them satisfied

You better shape up, if you’re gonna prove (you better prove)

That my faith is justified

That one of you could sure win and survive

 

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

The one that he neeeeeeds oh yes indee-ee-heed

 

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

The one that he neeeeeeds oh yes indee-ee-heed

 

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

The one that he neeeeeeds oh yes indee-ee-heed

 

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

The one that he neeeeeeds oh yes indee-ee-heed

 

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Archery Wizard”

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Unless you’re hiding under a rock in some cave, anyone with any inkling of pop culture knowledge should know that the Hunger Games is about a an absurdly high stakes reality show competition for teenagers. In other words, a televised event in which teenagers are forced to fight each other to the death. Now in the first book, Katniss and Peeta are tributes from District 12 which has had more consecutive losing Hunger Games losing season than the Pittsburgh Pirates had in baseball. Seriously, after winning his Hunger Games, Haymitch Abernathy had to train a total of 46 kids in the arena who have ended up dead. Not to mention, District 12 is seen as the poorest district of Panem where most families are starving that most Peacekeepers turn a blind eye to poaching. And if that’s bad, you have tributes from the wealthier districts 1, 2, and 4 that are trained as ringers for the Hunger Games at a young age before many of them volunteer, mostly at 18. And they’re  usually favored to win since they usually ally until they’re at each other’s throats when they’re the only ones left. Of course, such training is illegal but tolerated by the Capitol. However, Katniss does have one advantage over them since she had to hunt critters on scarce resources for years.

Careers

Now I thought a good parody for the Careers to sing would be based off of the song “Pinball Wizard” from the Who rock opera Tommy. Now the original song is about a boy who’s deaf, dumb, and blind but sure plays a mean pinball. How this is possible? Don’t ask. I wasn’t even born yet to advise Pete Townsend and Roger Daltry. Yet, he doesn’t have a very nice life. In this Hunger Games version, I have the Career Pack singing about Katniss’s talent with a bow and arrow as well as her improbable aiming skills at archery. Not surprisingly, the Careers pay witness at the training center before the Games. And they’re surprised that a novice girl from a dirt poor district might have a chance of winning after all. This might not be in the book since Careers are quite arrogant. But it makes a good song parody. And let’s just say they’re playing a way more dangerous game than pinball.

 

“Archery Wizard”

Sung by the Career Pack

 

Marvel:

Ever since I was a young boy,

I’ve trained as a Career.

I’ve tried out every weapon

With mastery in spear.

But I ain’t seen nothing like her

At any training hall….

 

That poor girl from Twelve there

Sure is a mean archer!

 

Glimmer:

She stands like a statue,

And takes up steady aim.

Hitting all her targets

Always playing clean.

She once shot an apple

Through a pig roast’s mouth.

 

That poor girl from 12 there

Sure is a mean archer!

 

Cato:

She’s an archery wizard

She’s barely ever missed

This archery wizard’s got such a supple wrist.

 

District 4 Boy: ‘How do you think she does it?

District 4 Girl: I don’t know!

District 4 Boy: What makes her so good?’

 

Clove:

Ain’t got any training

She’s just from District 12.

But if I see her aiming

I’d better run like hell.

Said to be a poacher,

Might explain it all

 

That poor girl from 12 there

Sure is a mean archer.

 

Cato:

I thought I was the most likely to win

But against her, I’ve not much time to live

Though she’s only a novice

She can beat my best.

Hope her quiver arrows

Aren’t pointed toward my chest.

She’s got crazy nimble fingers

Never seen her fall….

 

That poor girl from 12 there,

Sure is a mean archer.