The Wonderful World of Vintage Ads (Second Edition)

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Since I didn’t find a lot of good Easter ads (and by that I mean ones so bad they’re unintentionally as hilarious as offensive in some cases), I decided to do another edition of general vintage ads. I mean I did one a year ago and since I haven’t had many ideas lately (or at least those I haven’t acted on). Not to mention, my last general vintage ad post got 577 views and the ones I did during the holidays had sizeable turnouts as well. Nevertheless, our vintage world of advertising can tell a lot about our culture at the time as well as why there are certain restrictions on advertising nowadays. I mean those who have seen my back to school season vintage ad post know what I’m talking about. I mean seriously, before anti-smoking awareness, tobacco advertising was everywhere. And this to the point where you had back to school cigarette ads. Really. Then there’s the fact that many of these old ads were drawn by artists which leads to some of them being unintentionally creepy or inappropriate. So for your reading pleasure, here is another installment of not so nostalgic vintage advertising.

1. Spread your legs for maximum leg room in a new Pontiac Star Chief.

Pontiac Star Chief: for the male high school senior intent on losing his virginity before graduating high school, this is the car that will certainly get you laid at prom. It's maximum leg room makes consummation a cinch.

Pontiac Star Chief: for the male high school senior intent on losing his virginity before graduating high school, this is the car that will certainly get you laid at prom. It’s maximum leg room makes consummation a cinch.

2. Start revolution with Interwoven Esquire Socks that will make your kids question your fashion taste in the 1970s.

Yes, all that these guys have on are their hideous socks and their sunglasses. Still, I don't know if a group of naked men would look this comfortable around each other during a photo shoot. And you can almost see some of their butts.

Yes, all that these guys have on are their hideous socks and their sunglasses. Still, I don’t know if a group of naked men would look this comfortable around each other during a photo shoot. And you can almost see some of their butts.

3. Girls who are noticed first Go Gay. As in Go Gay Hairspray.

Now this is an ad for hair spray. However, since "gay" now refers to homosexual in our modern culture, this ad unintentionally suggests that women turn lesbians when looking for Mr. Right. Yeah, it's as stupid as it sounds.

Now this is an ad for hair spray. However, since “gay” now refers to homosexual in our modern culture, this ad unintentionally suggests that women turn lesbians when looking for Mr. Right. Yeah, it’s as stupid as it sounds.

4. Gentlemen, be strong like a man in these Hicks business slacks?

Because who needs to work out in spandex at the gym when you have khaki? Besides, I forgot my gym shorts at home so it was either these or my tidy whities.

Because who needs to work out in spandex at the gym when you have khaki? Besides, I forgot my gym shorts at home so it was either these or my tidy whiteys.

5. She was the perfect housewife but she was so busy attending to her husband’s needs that she didn’t attend to her feminine hygiene. And her husband failed to appreciate her because of this one thing.

Yes, she was everything a husband could ask her but Mr. Superficial here couldn't appreciate her because she was unable to change her period pad once in awhile during her time of the month. And her husband Mr. Superficial would trade all her assets so she could correct this.

Yes, she was everything a husband could ask her but Mr. Superficial here couldn’t appreciate her because she was unable to change her period pad once in awhile during her time of the month. And her husband Mr. Superficial would trade all her assets so she could correct this.

6. I just couldn’t accept my husband’s ring on our first anniversary because I was so ashamed of my red dishwashy hands.

Seriously, lady, either you get a dishwasher, buy rubber gloves, or stop complaining about your hands. I mean having dishwashy hands is nothing to be ashamed about at all.

Seriously, lady, either you get a dishwasher, buy rubber gloves, or stop complaining about your hands. I mean having dishwashy hands is nothing to be ashamed about at all. Besides, your husband doesn’t care how your hands look anyway.

7. “It’s no use! I won’t see him.” And then she locked herself in her room because she had a poor complexion.

Really? Bad skin? Is it just me or do women in vintage ads seem way too concerned about their looks? I mean having a poor complexion is no excuse for not seeing a guy and locking yourself in your room, which I think is crazy.

Really? Bad skin? Is it just me or do women in vintage ads seem way too concerned about their looks? I mean having a poor complexion is no excuse for not seeing a guy and locking yourself in your room, which I think is crazy.

8. As a man, I suffered from menstrual cramps, because when my wife has her period, she’s like a total bitch.

For ladies suffering from menstrual cramps, try Femicin because you know your husband doesn't want to hear you complaining about them.

For ladies suffering from menstrual cramps, try Femicin because you know your husband doesn’t want to hear you complaining about them. Doesn’t help that this guy looks like a total asshole.

9. Does my husband look younger than me? Oh, my God, will he cheat on me?

Seriously, there's nothing wrong with aging, especially if you're a woman. Yet, she seems to feel that her husband will leave her for some younger chick if he appears younger than her.

Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with aging, especially if you’re a woman. Yet, she seems to feel that her husband will leave her for some younger chick if he appears younger than her.

10. Remember, ladies, dishpan hands can kill your marriage. So use Lux.

Really? I'm sure dishpan hands aren't the reason why people's marriages end. Seriously, seems like vintage ads tend to measure a relationship's health on how well the woman abides by unrealistic beauty standards.

Really? I’m sure dishpan hands aren’t the reason why people’s marriages end. Seriously, seems like vintage ads tend to measure a relationship’s health on how well the woman abides by unrealistic beauty standards.

11. Remember, women, signs of “middle aged skin” can start at 20 and you know guys dump you over that. So use Palmolive Soap.

You know, if my boyfriend dumped me  for someone else because I had "middle aged skin," I wouldn't be crying about it to my grandma. This "Tom" guy is a superficial asshole who's not worth any woman's time.

You know, if my boyfriend dumped me for someone else because I had “middle aged skin,” I wouldn’t be crying about it to my grandma. This “Tom” guy is a superficial asshole who’s not worth any woman’s time.

12. Lady, with body hair? Now why doesn’t she shave?

Admit it, we all have body hair. Yet, only women are encouraged to get rid of it while Burt Reynolds shows his naked hairy chest in Cosmo. Seriously, the double standards have to go.

Admit it, we all have body hair. Yet, only women are encouraged to get rid of it while Burt Reynolds shows his naked hairy chest in Cosmo. Seriously, the double standards have to go.

13. Remember, your hair collects unpleasant odors.

Well, if you were in a room in which everyone is smoking cigarettes, it's no surprise why. But I don't think this ad is making the connection.

Well, if you were in a room in which everyone is smoking cigarettes, it’s no surprise why. But I don’t think this ad is making the connection.

14. “He doesn’t kiss me anymore!” Don’t worry, just switch your brand of lipstick!

I'm sure switching your lipstick to Tangee won't solve your relationship problems with your boyfriend. Seriously, I wonder what these terrible ads say about men in those days like being superficial assholes.

I’m sure switching your lipstick to Tangee won’t solve your relationship problems with your boyfriend. Seriously, I wonder what these terrible ads say about men in those days like being superficial assholes.

15. “Please, honey, don’t lock me out of your life with invisible locks!”

Of course, her marriage was falling apart due to "one intimate neglect." I suppose this has to do with "feminine hygiene" of the sanitary napkin variety.

Of course, her marriage was falling apart due to “one intimate neglect.” I suppose this has to do with “feminine hygiene” of the sanitary napkin variety.

16. Want to lose weight? Try these contraptions at a reasonable price and sweat the weight off.

Products include Frown Eradicator, Chin Reducer, Neck and Chin Reducer, Bust Reducer, and Abdominal Reducer. They also have Union Suits, jackets and support hoes. Of course, hate to see what some of these weight loss contraptions look like.

Products include Frown Eradicator, Chin Reducer, Neck and Chin Reducer, Bust Reducer, and Abdominal Reducer. They also have Union Suits, jackets and support hoes. Of course, hate to see what some of these weight loss contraptions look like.

17. Another love shipwrecked due to bad feminine hygiene. So on your next date, keep your vagina clean with Lysol.

Seriously, this is what the ad basically says because "feminine hygiene." So according to vintage ads, Lysol is great for dishes as well as the female nether regions. And in your grandparents' day, vaginal cleanliness was important.

Seriously, this is what the ad basically says because “feminine hygiene.” So according to vintage ads, Lysol is great for dishes as well as the female nether regions. And in your grandparents’ day, vaginal cleanliness was important.

18. Remember, ladies, for your vaginal and reproductive needs, use Lysol. And your husband won’t avoid your embraces.

Still, you have to applaud Lysol for managing to promote their dish washing fluid as a douche solution and contraceptive (note the mention of organic matter). And this one really is pushing the envelope here.

Still, you have to applaud Lysol for managing to promote their dish washing fluid as a douche solution and contraceptive (note the mention of organic matter). And this one really is pushing the envelope here.

19. While some airlines feature their pretty stewardesses in their ads, Eastern Airlines uses their ad space to shame those who didn’t quite make it to their impossibly high standards.

At Eastern Airlines, we want everyone to fly. But if any young woman wants to be a stewardess on our airline, then she has to be superwoman or else, we won't take her.

At Eastern Airlines, we want everyone to fly. But if any young woman wants to be a stewardess on our airline, then she has to be superwoman or else, we won’t take her.

20. Remember, ladies, gray hair can cost you your job so restore your hair color with Sage and Sulphur.

Man, this woman must work in a very superficial workplace for very superficial male bosses that treat her like eye candy. Yeah, I'm sure sulfur and sage will help restore your hair color. Yeah right.

Man, this woman must work in a very superficial workplace for very superficial male bosses that treat her like eye candy. Yeah, I’m sure sulfur and sage will help restore your hair color. Yeah right.

21. Flat chested and dateless? Get the Miracle Cream treatment, ladies to enhance your bust 1 to 3 inches.

Think of this ad as the female equivalent to any of the ads that pertain to natural male enhancement. Of course, this was probably from the 1930s when the flat chested flapper look was on its way out.

Think of this ad as the female equivalent to any of the ads that pertain to natural male enhancement. Of course, this was probably from the 1930s when the flat chested flapper look was on its way out.

22. Don’t look now, but I think the man suspects his wife may have gap osis.

And by "gaps" they mean skirt buttons here. Seriously, I'm not making this up. Seriously, I'm sure if your relationship suffers due to "gap osis" it's not you ladies, it's him.

And by “gaps” they mean skirt buttons here. Seriously, I’m not making this up. Seriously, I’m sure if your relationship suffers due to “gap osis” it’s not you ladies, it’s him.

23. Have teeth? Then preserve them with by using the ideal felt tooth polisher.

I don't know about you but I think I'm a little creeped out by the man in the moon. Seriously, he reminds me of a serial killer in this.

I don’t know about you but I think I’m a little creeped out by the man in the moon. Seriously, he reminds me of a serial killer in this.

24. Use Mustang lineament and you will be all right in a day or two and so will your horse.

I'm not sure if the woman will be all right after a day or two. For that matter, the creepy clown could've had her bound and gagged in his circus trailer.

I’m not sure if the woman will be all right after a day or two. For that matter, the creepy clown could’ve had her bound and gagged in his circus trailer.

25. Hey, kids, did you know that monkeys and raccoons make wonderful pets?

Okay, now there's a reason why we don't have pet monkeys and raccoons. For one, many monkeys are endangered and having exotic pets aren't encouraged. Also, monkeys don't like lollipops. Second, raccoons make terrible pets and many carry rabies.

Okay, now there’s a reason why we don’t have pet monkeys and raccoons. For one, many monkeys are endangered and having exotic pets aren’t encouraged. Also, monkeys don’t like lollipops. Second, raccoons make terrible pets and many carry rabies.

26. Solve your respiratory ailment with Ayer’s Chery Pectoral.

Now these children aren't cute at all. In fact, they seem like they'll haunt your nightmares if you ever give them the time of day.

Now these children aren’t cute at all. In fact, they seem like they’ll haunt your nightmares if you ever give them the time of day. Also, contains opium.

27. This child’s life may depend on the safety of Distaval.

Distaval is Thalidomide which isn't a safe drug at all. Seriously, as a drug to treat morning sickness, it was withdrawn from general use because it was found to cause severe birth defects when taken during pregnancy. And this ad is telling parents that it's safe for kids? Seriously, what the fuck?

Distaval is Thalidomide which isn’t a safe drug at all. Seriously, as a drug to treat morning sickness, it was withdrawn from general use because it was found to cause severe birth defects when taken during pregnancy. And this ad is telling parents that it’s safe for kids? Seriously, what the fuck?

28. Own a TV because it benefits your children by keeping them in line.

Then again, this ad comes from the 1950s when TV was a new thing an there were only a few channels anyway. Still, you wouldn't be saying that nowadays.

Then again, this ad comes from the 1950s when TV was a new thing an there were only a few channels anyway. Still, you wouldn’t be saying that nowadays.

29. Remember, parents, it’s never too early to get you baby started on 7UP.

Yes, set your little one up with those empty calories that will lead to tooth decay, obesity, Type II diabetes, bone loss, anxiety, sleep deprivation, heart disease, and so much more. Yeah, this picture is a perfect example of bad parenting. I mean babies should never have soft drinks, period.

Yes, set your little one up with those empty calories that will lead to tooth decay, obesity, Type II diabetes, bone loss, anxiety, sleep deprivation, heart disease, and so much more. Yeah, this picture is a perfect example of bad parenting. I mean babies should never have soft drinks, period.

30. Go to Sears for we have fashionable clothing for chubby children.

For one, how is this girl even chubby? To me, she just looks like a perfectly healthy kid who's at a normal weight So why the hell is Sears saying she's fat?

For one, how is this girl even chubby? To me, she just looks like a perfectly healthy kid who’s at a normal weight So why the hell is Sears saying she’s fat?

31. In life’s battles, nothing heals wounds like Pond’s Extract.

Sure Pond's Extract might be handy for cuts, bruises, wounds, and lacerations. However, when it comes to actual life threatening battle wounds, then you're probably shit out of luck.

Sure Pond’s Extract might be handy for cuts, bruises, wounds, and lacerations. However, when it comes to actual life threatening battle wounds, then you’re probably shit out of luck.

32. For all the lonely guys out there, snuggle up with your very own inflatable Love Maid.

Man, these inflatable sex dolls sure seemed to have quite realistic features in the 1970s. Still, it seems like she's carrying two glasses of poison on the tray for she's kind of nightmare inducing.

Man, these inflatable sex dolls sure seemed to have quite realistic features in the 1970s. Still, it seems like she’s carrying two glasses of poison on the tray for she’s kind of nightmare inducing.

33. Of course, using cuteness in ads will always equal big bucks.

Seriously, now having babies in 7UP ads is one thing. But cigarette ads? Now that's just fucked up, especially since many babies probably developed asthma due to secondhand smoke.

Seriously, now having babies in 7UP ads is one thing. But cigarette ads? Now that’s just fucked up, especially since many babies probably developed asthma due to secondhand smoke.

34. Is “Smoker’s Fag” beginning to get you? Now 90% correctable according to science.

Yeah, it is correctable. Just quit smoking for God's sake. Still, I think putting a now inflaming gay slur in this ad is quite funny.

Yeah, it is correctable. Just quit smoking for God’s sake! Still, I think putting a now inflaming gay slur in this ad is quite funny.

35. Coffee addiction hurts families everywhere unless it’s Sanka decaf.

Here's a scene in which a man's caffeine habit results in him abusing his kid and enduring sleepless nights. With Sanka his kid no longer fears him and he's a happy man again. Seriously, this is so twisted.

Here’s a scene in which a man’s caffeine habit results in him abusing his kid and enduring sleepless nights. With Sanka his kid no longer fears him and he’s a happy man again. Seriously, this is so twisted.

36. Support the troops, smoke Chesterfields with them.

Note that the nurse in the ad is actress Claudette Colbert. Still, the fact she's in a nurse's outfit freely passing out cigarettes is still kind of disconcerting since it kills about a third of its users per year.

Note that the nurse in the ad is actress Claudette Colbert. Still, the fact she’s in a nurse’s outfit freely passing out cigarettes is still kind of disconcerting since it kills about a third of its users per year.

37. Tonight’s the night. So get it on with Duraflame.

From looking at this ad, you'd think Duraflame was a drug used to treat erectile dysfunction since it also lasts for 3 hours. It's actually a company that sells logs for fireplaces. Still, since we have Viagra, this ad is unintentionally hilarious since Duraflame logs are also good for 3 hours.

From looking at this ad, you’d think Duraflame was a drug used to treat erectile dysfunction since it also lasts for 3 hours. It’s actually a company that sells logs for fireplaces. Still, since we have Viagra, this ad is unintentionally hilarious since Duraflame logs are also good for 3 hours.

38. Players Tobacco is Daddy’s favorite because it’s the tobacco that counts.

This little child has toys around him but he's only playing with his daddy's cigar. This is pretty disturbing for obvious reasons. Guess he wants to die with his lungs all filled with tar like his daddy.

This little child has toys around him but he’s only playing with his daddy’s cigar. This is pretty disturbing for obvious reasons. Guess he wants to die with his lungs all filled with tar like his daddy.

39. Just a minute, lady, don’t kill yourself over a bad hair day. Try Formula 9 Shampoo.

Hey, lady, I may have a bad hair day now and then. But even then, I never had any suicidal tendencies over it. And my hair's even more unkempt than that. But still, this is the most disturbing shampoo ad I've ever seen in my life.

Hey, lady, I may have a bad hair day now and then. But even then, I never had any suicidal tendencies over it. And my hair’s even more unkempt than that. But still, this is the most disturbing shampoo ad I’ve ever seen in my life.

40. Breathing problems? Well, why don’t you try Dr. Batty’s Asthma cigarettes?

I'm sure that this was an effective treatment for asthma just like inhaling smog and a bunch of harmful chemicals. Also, "not recommended for children under 6." I wonder why.

I’m sure that this was an effective treatment for asthma just like inhaling smog and a bunch of harmful chemicals. Also, “not recommended for children under 6.” I wonder why.

41. “Coffee is like a friend, Tiny. When you get a good one, stick to it.”

For one, the elderly captain seems to be on the cusp of dementia. Second, "Tiny" is basically a name you'd hear being called in prison. Third, seems that these guys are discussing coffee with the same seriousness as brain cancer. The captain must be losing it and the other guy feels like he needs to research maritime law and riverboat murder.

For one, the elderly captain seems to be on the cusp of dementia. Second, “Tiny” is basically a name you’d hear being called in prison. Third, seems that these guys are discussing coffee with the same seriousness as brain cancer. The captain must be losing it and the other guy feels like he needs to research maritime law and riverboat murder.

42. Choose Kellogg’s Cornflake for the horrifying nutritious breakfast.

Holy shit, seems that Kellogg's found the kid version of Steve Buscemi, starved him to the brink of death, put a suit on his skeletal frame, gave him food for the first time in 2 weeks, and made a creepy ad out of it.

Holy shit, seems that Kellogg’s found the kid version of Steve Buscemi, starved him to the brink of death, put a suit on his skeletal frame, gave him food for the first time in 2 weeks, and made a creepy ad out of it.

43. Have a loved one suffering from alcoholism. Then tell them to drink Bogg’s Tawny Port.

Even funnier is that this is a syrup that contains cocaine. Yeah, I'm sure a coke habit will cure anyone of alcoholism. Not.

Even funnier is that this is a syrup that contains cocaine. Yeah, I’m sure a coke habit will cure anyone of alcoholism. Not.

44. “When he comes home from school hungry, there’s only one way to satisfy him. And me.”

I don't know about you, but I find this Snickers ad very disturbing. I mean it seems that this mother and son relationship seems more akin to what I've seen on The Manchurian Candidate but I'm not so sure about the brainwashing. I mean look at the mom's face. She just seems so creepy.

I don’t know about you, but I find this Snickers ad very disturbing. I mean it seems that this mother and son relationship seems more akin to what I’ve seen on The Manchurian Candidate but I’m not so sure about the brainwashing. I mean look at the mom’s face. She just seems so creepy.

45. “Heavens! Buddy must have a girl…..chained to the radiator, more like it.”

Yeah, I think this little psychopath may have been the possible inspiration for Warren Zevon's "Excitable Boy.": "And he took little Suzie to the Junior Prom/Excitable boy, they all said/And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home."

Yeah, I think this little psychopath may have been the possible inspiration for Warren Zevon’s “Excitable Boy.”: “And he took little Suzie to the Junior Prom/Excitable boy, they all said/And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home.”

46. New moms, smoke Philip Morris because they can really use a break.

Let's just say smoking in front of a newborn really is one of the stupidest things you can do as a parent, other than smoking while pregnant. Yeah, baby's lungs will be full of tar before he or she knows it.

Let’s just say smoking in front of a newborn really is one of the stupidest things you can do as a parent, other than smoking while pregnant. Yeah, baby’s lungs will be full of tar before he or she knows it.

47. Log Cabin: the kind of maple syrup that will turn your kids into Children of the Corn.

Seeing these kids dead soulless eyes makes you wonder if Log Cabin Maple Syrup is just the carmelized blood of their enemies.

Seeing these kids dead soulless eyes makes you wonder if Log Cabin Maple Syrup is just the carmelized blood of their enemies.

48. Have a real roller coaster in your own backyard for $12.95.

Don't look now but I'm not sure the girl is just waiting her turn for the coaster. She seems more intent to push her brother off it, to put it lightly.

Don’t look now but I’m not sure the girl is just waiting her turn for the coaster. She seems more intent to push her brother off it, to put it lightly.

49. “A child isn’t always fibbing when he doesn’t tell the truth,” said Elsie the Borden Cow.

Seems like Elsie and her unnaturally bovine family seem to live under the constant cloud of Elmer the Bull's unquenchable anger. Seems like the cops will be here with a social worker in 10 minutes time.

Seems like Elsie and her unnaturally bovine family seem to live under the constant cloud of Elmer the Bull’s unquenchable anger. Seems like the cops will be here with a social worker in 10 minutes time.

50. Jayson Sportswear is the ultimate shirt for every occasion.

I'm sure Jerry and Larry shared a lot of intimate moments in the men's locker room as well as a passionate love that dare not speak its name.

I’m sure Jerry and Larry shared a lot of intimate moments in the men’s locker room as well as a passionate love that dare not speak its name.

51. While General Mills had the Jolly Green Giant for their frozen vegetables, Stokely’s had this kid.

Yeah, this boy's green beans are basically a side for the real main course, the Donner Party special. Seriously, this boy makes me not want to eat my vegetables ever again.

Yeah, this boy’s green beans are basically a side for the real main course, the Donner Party special. Seriously, this boy makes me not want to eat my vegetables ever again.

52. Americtex fabric is great for pajamas.

I'm sure Gary and Danny are spending a nice quiet morning at home as all so-called "roommates" do now and then.

I’m sure Gary and Danny are spending a nice quiet morning at home as all so-called “roommates” do now and then.

53. “Let the tide take her. I won’t.” Because she has a case of halitosis.

Now dumping a girl over bad breath? Really, that's something you'd see off Seinfeld. I mean how shallow can these guys get in these ads? Sure it's for Listerine but still.

Now dumping a girl over bad breath? Really, that’s something you’d see off Seinfeld. I mean how shallow can these guys get in these ads? Sure it’s for Listerine but still.

54. Universal Pajamas….styled for sleep.

And it seems that these two men are looking at some sort of brochure. Planning a vacation together I suppose? Hope people don't get the wrong idea.

And it seems that these two men are looking at some sort of brochure. Planning a vacation together I suppose? Hope people don’t get the wrong idea.

55. On business trips these days, you got to make every minute count. So that’s why O. J. Simpson chooses Hertz.

Let's hope Hertz didn't rent him that Bronco he used to try to escape the cops after killing his wife and her boyfriend. Yes, you can see why I couldn't pass this one up.

Let’s hope Hertz didn’t rent him that Bronco he used to try to escape the cops after killing his wife and her boyfriend. Yes, you can see why I couldn’t pass this one up.

56. Roy Rogers heads west on the Pennsylvania Railroad.

I don't know about you but I don't think the guy behind this ad had his head screwed on that tight when he came up with the idea of having Roy Rogers with a train between his legs. Yeah, kind of stirs many phallic notions, doesn't it?

I don’t know about you but I don’t think the guy behind this ad had his head screwed on that tight when he came up with the idea of having Roy Rogers with a train between his legs. Yeah, kind of stirs many phallic notions, doesn’t it?

57. Men, aim for sleep and comfort with these one of a kind nightshirts.

I'm sure trying to revive nightshirts in the 1970s really didn't go so well for whoever advertised this. Seriously, these guys look stupid in them, especially in a diamond pattern.

I’m sure trying to revive nightshirts in the 1970s really didn’t go so well for whoever advertised this. Seriously, these guys look stupid in them, especially in a diamond pattern. They more or less resemble hospital gowns if you ask me.

58. Ivory Soap: the kind you wash yourself with during a communal bath.

Yes, I'm sure there's nothing overtly homoerotic about this scene of naked guys congregating together to wash up. Nothing gay at all (sarcasm).

Yes, I’m sure there’s nothing overtly homoerotic about this scene of naked guys congregating together to wash up. Nothing gay at all (sarcasm).

59. Not sure if this kid is eating Franco American pasta or blood soaked entrails.

From the creepy look on this ginger freckled boy's face, it could be just about anything. Also, why does he have hotdogs beside him? Seriously, why?

From the creepy look on this ginger freckled boy’s face, it could be just about anything. Also, why does he have hotdogs beside him? Seriously, why?

60. So whatever happens in the Pacific stays in the Pacific.

Seems like the Pacific Island natives aren't pleased with the American GIs frolicking with tropical brain fever. Still, there's a lot of homoerotic subtext I can't even list here.

Seems like the Pacific Island natives aren’t pleased with the American GIs frolicking with tropical brain fever. Still, there’s a lot of homoerotic subtext I can’t even list here.

61. Ivory Soap: The kind men use during a group shower in the men’s locker room.

Okay, is that somebody's butt in the background? And is that guy just staring at his naked ass? Seriously, seems like men's showers are an awkward experience, especially in vintage ads.

Okay, is that somebody’s butt in the background? And is that guy just staring at his naked ass? Seriously, seems like men’s showers are an awkward experience, especially in vintage ads.

62. Baby’s first milestone of eating Campbell’s Soup for the first time. Mmmmmm….salt.

Of course, this might be a baby picture of a potential demon child or serial killer in the making. Seriously, it could almost be Hannibal Lecter in his infancy.

Of course, this might be a baby picture of a potential demon child or serial killer in the making. Seriously, it could almost be Hannibal Lecter in his infancy.

63. When a woman’s five, she needs love.

However, I think this girl needs something more imminent like a soul. From the look in her eyes, she's basically dead inside.

However, I think this girl needs something more imminent like a soul. From the look in her eyes, she’s basically dead inside.

64. Be really refreshed….graduate to Coke or so says the Wolf of Wall Street.

Still, this girl carrying this boy's books and Coke six pack should soon realize that he's put her in the friendzone because he needs her to do his homework for him as he goes after some prettier chick.

Still, this boy carrying this boy’s books and Coke six pack should probably stop doing the letterman a-hole’s homework and have some fun for a change.

65. Develop a child’s mind, play video games.

Yeah, now we're bombarded with how video games rot a child's brain with all the sex and violence in Grand Theft Auto which is rated M for Mature.

Yeah, now we’re bombarded with how video games rot a child’s brain with all the sex and violence in Grand Theft Auto which is rated M for Mature.

66. Bald guys, this kind of hat can help regrow your hair in just 30 days.

However, it comes with major side effects such as looking like a complete idiot in public. Seriously, guys, someone's going to think you're part of some cult with that thing on.

However, it comes with major side effects such as looking like a complete idiot in public. Seriously, guys, someone’s going to think you’re part of some cult with that thing on.

67. Moms depend on pork like kids depend on moms. Hmmm…interesting.

I'm sure they're talking about sausage variety here. I mean the kind of meat you make with a pig's muscle and entrails. Yeah, I'm sure the other kind is what dads are for.

I’m sure they’re talking about sausage variety here. I mean the kind of meat you make with a pig’s muscle and entrails. Yeah, I’m sure the other kind is what dads are for.

68. The best things in life come from cellophane.

Maybe, but I'm sure that wrapping your baby in one isn't great parenting advice. I mean it's bound to suffocate them which makes the ad ever more disturbing.

Maybe, but I’m sure that wrapping your baby in one isn’t great parenting advice. I mean it’s bound to suffocate them which makes the ad ever more disturbing.

69. No kid loves anything more than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch.

I don't know about this girl. She seems less excited for a PB&J and more consumed with bloodlust and murder. Stay away from her at your own risk.

I don’t know about this girl. She seems less excited for a PB&J and more consumed with bloodlust and murder. Stay away from her at your own risk.

70. Make every morning a Smirnoff morning.

I don't know about you, but I don't think having a cigarette and vodka for breakfast is a good sign. Rather I think if you can't go without a drink before 5 pm, you probably have a drinking problem.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think having a cigarette and vodka for breakfast is a good sign. Rather I think if you can’t go without a drink before 5 pm, you probably have a drinking problem.

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Never Judge a Book By Its Cover- Well, Most of the Time (Third Edition)

Since I did my two posts on book covers, I could never imagine they would yield me 3,322 views and 266 views respectively. Whether it be books with strange titles and inappropriate cover images or what not, some of the strangest stuff out there somehow gets published. Of course, with some of these covers, you have to wonder whether it’s coming from a vanity publisher that takes anything for a fee, is self-published, or what the hell are these publishers thinking. And if they’re classics, well, when you take a peek at some noticeably inappropriate cover designs, you might want to scratch your head wondering whether they actually read the book or know what the whole story is all about. Then there are some books out there with cover images that might tell you to stay the hell away from the book if your life depends on it. I mean a book suggesting a romance between a woman and a horse may incite readers for the wrong reasons since the concept is just so wrong. So without further adieu, here are some more questionable book cover choices for your reading pleasure. Seriously, you have to see these.

1. Stand Your Ground: The Biblical Foundation for Self-Defense by Steve Jones

Because no old lady with sunglasses should ever leave her home without her Holy Bible and handgun. Sure there's the thing with

Because no old lady with sunglasses should ever leave her home without her Holy Bible and handgun. Sure there’s the thing with “turn the other cheek” but for God’s sake, this is America, goddammit!

Includes a forward by George Zimmerman.

2. Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow by D. T. Hobbs

If it wasn't for the title, you wouldn't think it had anything Christian about it. Seriously, when you see pictures of beaches, pools, and sea front stores, do you think of Jesus? No, you think about going on vacation.

If it wasn’t for the title, you wouldn’t think it had anything Christian about it. Seriously, when you see pictures of beaches, pools, and sea front stores, do you think of Jesus? No, you think about going on vacation.

Man, this Christian devotional sure has a great cover image of pools and beach fronts.

3. Melanie’s Marvelous Measles by Stephanie Messenger

And I thought a children's book promoting open carry was bad. This is just seriously fucking insane! I mean there's nothing awesome getting measles whatsoever! For the love of God, vaccinate your kids! I mean if you're so worried about your kid having Autism that you're willing to expose them to potentially fatal childhood diseases, there's just something fucking wrong with you. I'm sorry, but I'd rather have an Autistic child than a dead child. Seriously, Autism isn't nearly as bad as having measles.

And I thought a children’s book promoting open carry was bad. This is just seriously fucking insane! I mean there’s nothing awesome getting measles whatsoever! For the love of God, vaccinate your kids! I mean if you’re so worried about your kid having Autism that you’re willing to expose them to potentially fatal childhood diseases, there’s just something fucking wrong with you! I’m sorry, but I’d rather have an Autistic child than a dead child. Seriously, Autism isn’t nearly as bad as having measles.

Or the kind of children’s book for the anti-vaxxer parent to tell their kids, “Enjoy getting measles, kiddos, which might kill you and leave you blind. But, hey, at least you won’t get Autism, which is caused by vaccination.”

4. Demonectomy by Dennis Melton

This would've come in handy in a lot horror movies that involves demon possession. And it seems like this guy really needs it. By the way, the guy has his own website all about it.

This would’ve come in handy in a lot horror movies that involves demon possession. And it seems like this guy really needs it. By the way, the guy has his own website all about it.

Finally, book to teach you how to perform your own exorcisms.

5. But…You’re a Horse by David Bussell

Now this bestiality romance novel seems to give the notion of

Now this bestiality romance novel seems to give the notion of “horseplay” a whole new meaning. Even freakier is that the horse has human hands and might’ve had some Minotaur style conception story.

Charity’s and Sugarloaf’s forbidden love was a real hay ride that could never be tamed in the stable.

6. Herovit’s World by Barry N. Malzberg

Of course, these sci-fi covers can be pretty trippy. Still, I'm not sure whether I'm more surprised with a maneating typewriter on it or just a typewriter. Then again, it seems to come from the 1980s.

Of course, these sci-fi covers can be pretty trippy. Still, I’m not sure whether I’m more surprised with a maneating typewriter on it or just a typewriter. Then again, it seems to come from the 1980s.

Man, I had no idea that we’ll have man eating typewriters in the future.

7. My Best Meat Recipes

From that woman's face, I'd rather pass the chance of having dinner with her. Her expression reads she might have you in mind as a main course.

From that woman’s face, I’d rather pass the chance of having dinner with her. Her expression reads she might have you in mind as a main course.

Finally, a perfect companion for The Art of Fine Dining by Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

8. A Song for Lya and Other Stories by George R. R. Martin

Man, I'd hate to want to know what all the sky of mouths is all about. Must be a trippy sight even for Westeros and kind of scary, too. Maybe Game of Thrones is a step better than this, at least according to the covers.

Man, I’d hate to want to know what all the sky of mouths is all about. Must be a trippy sight even for Westeros and kind of scary, too. Maybe Game of Thrones is a step better than this, at least according to the covers.

From the author of the fantasy series that brings you great characters before killing them, here is his collection of science fiction stories from the 1980s.

9. Bounce the Balls & They Will Come by Betty Wiseman

Now while this might be the kind of inspirational story Bible Belt Christians know and love in their saccharine media stories, the title is just so hard to make me take this book seriously.

Now while this might be the kind of inspirational story Bible Belt Christians know and love in their saccharine media stories, the title is just so hard to make me take this book seriously.

Finally, a perfect Christian sports devotional for one’s basketball loving nephew who will be so disappointed after opening it.

10. Experiencing Bible Science: A Lab Book for the Young at Heart by Louise Barrett Derr

Actually my mistake. It's actually a

Actually my mistake. It’s actually a “science” activity book catered to 10-14 year olds. The fact it probably advocates creationism isn’t a surprise. As a Catholic I believe that God created the universe, world, and life over billions of years and through His great miracles of evolution by natural selection and the Big Bang. This book is pseudoscientific bullshit at best.

Basically, this seems like the kind of science lab textbooks you’d see at Bob Jones University.

11. Precious Princess Bible

Basically this company thinks that put a pink cover with sparkles on it and girls will instantly buy. Nevertheless, at least there are some great female heroes in this like Jael who got a guy drunk and drove a tent peg in his head.

Basically this company thinks that put a pink cover with sparkles on it and girls will instantly buy. Nevertheless, at least there are some great female heroes in this like Jael who got a guy drunk and drove a tent peg in his head.

Just like a regular Bible, but with the kind of cover suitable for young girls.

12. Saving Marriage by Applying Biblical Wisdom by Drs. Trevor and Edith Fraser

Seriously, having a fist is basically the last thing you want on a cover pertaining to saving your marriage. It kind of gives the idea that you advocate spousal abuse as a viable solution, which it certainly is not.

Seriously, having a fist is basically the last thing you want on a cover pertaining to saving your marriage. It kind of gives the idea that you advocate spousal abuse as a viable solution, which it certainly is not.

Uh, I’m not sure depicting a fist was a great cover choice for this one. You don’t want to get the wrong idea.

13. I Sing the Body Electric by Ray Bradbury

Man, that seems like a cross between a centaur with humans on his hands that resemble him. Now this makes me wonder if Ray Bradbury was on some psychedelic drugs when he thought this would make a great idea for a cover.

Man, that seems like a cross between a centaur with humans on his hands that resemble him. Now this makes me wonder if Ray Bradbury was on some psychedelic drugs when he thought this would make a great idea for a cover.

Don’t get me wrong, this is supposed to be a great book. However, I think Bradbury’s cover designer got a little carried away with the photoshop on this one.

14. Junkie: Confessions of an Unredeemed Addict by William Lee (William S. Burroughs)

Now this is a book by William S. Burroughs that focuses on his life as a heroin user and dealer during the 1940s. However, the cover seems like some bad shit's about to go down.

Now this is a book by William S. Burroughs that focuses on his life as a heroin user and dealer during the 1940s. However, the cover seems like some bad shit’s about to go down.

By looking at the cover, I can’t tell whether this is an intervention, drug pushing, murder, or sexual assault.

15. Bread Sculpture: The Edible Art by Ann Wiseman

Now this book has a wide range of bread sculptures in it such as the ladybugs and dinosaurs. However, there are also ones that involve naked people which are just so disturbing. And they even have pubes, yes, bread pubes. Not to mention, it gives the word

Now this book has a wide range of bread sculptures in it such as the ladybugs and dinosaurs. However, there are also ones that involve naked people which are just so disturbing. And they even have pubes, yes, bread pubes. Not to mention, it gives the word “doughnut” a whole new meaning.

For those who love erotica and hot crossed buns, this book is for you.

16. “Help Lord – the Devil Wants Me Fat!” by C. S. Lovett

As if dieting books were already bad enough when it comes to fat shaming. This book basically says that overeating and obesity are the work of Satan. And that the only way to lose weight is to stop eating for several days and spend mealtimes away from your family. Seriously.

As if dieting books were already bad enough when it comes to fat shaming. This book basically says that overeating and obesity are the work of Satan. And that the only way to lose weight is to stop eating for several days and spend mealtimes away from your family. Seriously.

Now you can trim your way to a healthy body through the Lord.

17. If the Devil Made You Do It, You Blew It! (But It Doesn’t Need to Happen Again) by Lorraine Peterson

Yes, this is a teen devotional with it's cheesy mandatory diversity photo from the 1980s. However, I suggest a picture of the temptation of Faust by Mephistopheles would be far more appropriate than this.

Yes, this is a teen devotional with it’s cheesy mandatory diversity photo from the 1980s. However, I suggest a picture of the temptation of Faust by Mephistopheles would be far more appropriate than this.

Now if you had the word, “Devil” on the cover, I’m not sure having a stock photo with happy diverse kids is an appropriate cover image.

18. Die You Doughnut Bastards by Cameron Pierce

Excerpt from Amazon. com:

Excerpt from Amazon. com: “The bacon storm is rolling in. We hear the grease and sugar beat against the roof and windows. The doughnut people are attacking. We press close together, forgetting for a moment that we hate each other.” Still, I’m sure seeing zombie doughnuts on the cover may remind some people of their horrible acid trip at Krispy Kreme.

Of course, this book might scare you out staying clear from Dunkin’ Doughnuts from now on.

19. Eight Men and a Lady by Elizabeth Sinclair

I'm sure looking at all the guys' hats on the cover you might be expecting an orgy with Snow White, the Prince, and the seven dwarfs. Please, I don't want to imagine it.

I’m sure looking at all the guys’ hats on the cover you might be expecting an orgy with Snow White, the Prince, and the seven dwarfs. Please, I don’t want to imagine it.

Seems to go on the same story line as “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” but with far more sex.

20. Daggers of Darkness by Steve Jackson and Joe Livingstone

Now this looks dangerous. Doesn't help that he has a nasty weapon that could rip his eye out. But I'm not sure if the cover artist cared.

Now this looks dangerous. Doesn’t help that he has a nasty mace that could rip his eye out. But I’m not sure if the cover artist cared.

Because nothing draws in adolescent boys than a bald guy waterskiing on his sabertooth tigers with his hawk friend.

21. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Yeah, Mr. Darcy sure is dangerous all right (sarcasm). Still, Darcy's actually all right once you get to know him. Nevertheless, it's kind of funny he looks like Colin Firth in this. Yet, the real bad boy in this is actually George Wickam.

Yeah, Mr. Darcy sure is dangerous all right (sarcasm). Still, Darcy’s actually all right once you get to know him. But I’m not sure why this cover should depict him as a young Colin Firth with chest hair.  Not sure if I want to see his Fitzwilliam.

Parents, lock your daughters, for bad boy Mr. Darcy is in town!

22. King Arthur’s Knights by Henry Gilbert

Seriously, how can someone mistake a couple of Indian horsemen as King Arthur's knights. For God's sake, King Arthur is a medieval English king! He may not be real but, still. These two guys look like they're in the service of Geronimo.

Seriously, how can someone mistake a couple of Indian horsemen as King Arthur’s knights. For God’s sake, King Arthur is a medieval English king! He may not be real but, still. These two guys look like they’re in the service of Geronimo.

No, I’m sure Medieval England didn’t look like a New Mexican desert.

23. The Lost Princess of Oz by L. Frank Baum

This woman is Emily Bronte who's best known for writing Wuthering Heights during the early Victorian Era of the 19th century. She died of tuberculosis at 30 in 1848, which was 8 years before L. Frank Baum was even born. So her presence on an Oz book doesn't make any damn sense.

This woman is Charlotte Bronte who’s best known for writing Jane Eyre during the early Victorian Era of the 19th century. She died of some disease at 38 in 1855 while pregnant, which was the year before L. Frank Baum was even born. So her presence on an Oz book doesn’t make any damn sense.

For the love of God what the hell is a Bronte sister doing on an Oz book cover?

24. Saturday Morning Mind Control by Phil Phillips

Now this book is certainly for Christian audiences that says the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a cult while the Care Bears are about non Christian attitudes and beliefs. Yes, Saturday morning cartoons are brainwashing our children as we speak! That doesn't even mention that watching Casper and the Smurfs will prepare kids for the occult. Nevertheless, this book is written by a guy who really doesn't know what he's talking about.

Now this book is certainly for Christian audiences that says the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a cult while the Care Bears are about non Christian attitudes and beliefs. Yes, Saturday morning cartoons are brainwashing our children as we speak! That doesn’t even mention that watching Casper and the Smurfs will prepare kids for the occult. Nevertheless, this book is written by a guy who really doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Remember, parents, don’t let your kids watch Saturday morning cartoons or else Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will zap them through the TV with his cosmic rays.

25. All That the Rain Promises and More…: A Hip Pocket Guide to Western Mushrooms by Dave Arora

Yeah, I think this trombonist seems like he wants to poison somebody. Maybe it's the concert master for disappointing him that the his instrument doesn't get the melody part in

Yeah, I think this trombonist seems like he wants to poison somebody. Maybe it’s the concert master for disappointing him that the his instrument doesn’t get the melody part in “Seventy-Six Trombones.”

I don’t know about you but from the look at the guy’s face, I’m not sure if I want to eat that.

26. Life and Public Services of John Quincy Adams by William H. Seward

Now this is a book about the 6th President of the United States who also had an illustrious political career. And it was written by William Seward who was Lincoln's Secretary of State responsible for buying Alaska. So why the hell are there moai statues on the cover? They're in South America, goddammit!

Now this is a book about the 6th President of the United States who also had an illustrious political career. And it was written by William Seward who was Lincoln’s Secretary of State responsible for buying Alaska. So why the hell are there moai statues on the cover? They’re in South America, goddammit!

Since what do the moai statues in Easter Island have anything to do with the life of John Quincy Adams?

27. Wrestling for Gay Guys by Donald Black

Okay, that looks kind of gay. Then again, after watching Foxcatcher, you wonder if wrestling is such a manly sport that the movie might have some homoerotic undertones.

Okay, that looks kind of gay. Then again, after watching Foxcatcher, you wonder if wrestling is such a manly sport that the movie might have some homoerotic undertones.

Finally a book for all the gay wrestlers out there.

28. In the Heart of Africa by Sir Samuel White Baker

Now even if you haven't read this or even heard of this book, anyone who knows the slightest bit about Africa should know that it doesn't look like the freaking Himalayas.

Now even if you haven’t read this or even heard of this book, anyone who knows the slightest bit about Africa should know that it doesn’t look like the freaking Himalayas.

I don’t remember reading about Africa and hearing about its snowcapped peaks and Mongol hordes, not to be critical.

29. Wessex Tales by Thomas Hardy

What's even more disturbing is that this image might be taken off from Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Now I'd wonder what Thomas Hardy would've thought of

What’s even more disturbing is that this image might be taken off from Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Now I’d wonder what 19th century Victorian author Thomas Hardy would’ve thought of “Sweet Child of Mine.”

No, this isn’t a book about Slash. Sorry, Guns n’ Roses fans.

30. Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe

Now Moll Flanders is the kind of book you'd want your daughter to read if she's younger than 12 so to speak. I mean Moll Flanders is a con woman who's married 5 times, has a kid with her brother, abandons her kids, and other things. Definitely not a role model for your daughter.

Now Moll Flanders is not the kind of book you’d want your daughter to read if she’s younger than 12 so to speak. I mean Moll Flanders is a con woman and a prostitute who’s married 5 times, sleeps with her brother, abandons her kids, and other things. Definitely not a role model for your daughter.

I’m sorry but I’m sure Daniel Defoe’s heroine wasn’t a Viking warrior princess.

31. Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle

Seriously, androids didn't exist in the late 19th century. And this guy doesn't even seem dressed as a Victorian. So why he's on the cover of a Sherlock Holmes book just beats me.

Seriously, androids didn’t exist in the late 19th century. And this guy doesn’t even seem dressed as a Victorian. So why he’s on the cover of a Sherlock Holmes book just beats me.

Hey, Sherlock Holmes wasn’t an android. Does this guy think there’s a story called “The Search for the Missing Terminator”?

32. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

Now Treasure Island takes place in the 17th century during the Golden Age of Piracy. Sure it's not really an accurate piece about pirates since they didn't bury treasure. However, Stevenson makes no mention of bicycles in the text, which weren't invented until the late 19th century. By then, Stevenson was dead.

Now Treasure Island takes place in the 17th century during the Golden Age of Piracy. Sure it’s not really an accurate piece about pirates since they didn’t bury treasure. However, Stevenson makes no mention of bicycles in the text, which weren’t invented until the late 19th century. By then, Stevenson was dead.

There’s supposed to be a ship on the cover not of two people cycling in the rain for God’s sake!

33. Ass Goblins of Auschwitz by Cameron Pierce

Now despite the creature being as creepy as hell, this book is hard to take seriously once you see the word,

Now despite the creature being as creepy as hell, this book is hard to take seriously once you see the word, “ass” in the title. I mean ass goblins, seriously?

Nazi goblins with the chests of a human posterior. Must’ve been written on drugs.

34. Merlin’s Ring by H. Warner Munn

Of course, you probably don't want to run into these animals in the park anytime soon. Swans are quite mean but a fire breathing one? Yeah, only cool for awhile until they're coming after you.

Of course, you probably don’t want to run into these animals in the park anytime soon. Swans are quite mean but a fire breathing one? Yeah, only cool for awhile until they’re coming after you.

Now a fire breathing dragon is one thing. A fire breathing swan? Don’t know what to think of that.

35. Joined at Birth: The Lives of Cojoined Twins by Elaine Landau

Yes, cojoined twins are out there and I'm sure there's nothing horrifying about this book. But the cover, maybe you'd wonder whether they should've hired a different illustrator.

Yes, cojoined twins are out there and I’m sure there’s nothing horrifying about this book. But the cover, maybe you’d wonder whether they should’ve hired a different illustrator.

Now I know we should accept cojoined twins but still, this cover is creepy.

36. The Right to Arm Bears by Gordon R. Dickson

Man, maybe we should e-mail our congressmen to increase funding for the National Park Service. I really have a bad feeling about the Grizzly uprising against campers in the western National Parks.

Man, maybe we should e-mail our congressmen to increase funding for the National Park Service. I really have a bad feeling about the Grizzly uprising against campers in the western National Parks come tourist season.

Look out, all you hikers out there, Sergeant Grizz is going commando. Give him all your food or else he’d nail you with his AK-47.

37. Nights of the Living Hell by Deborah Barton

Now that kind of looks like the covered bridge near where I live. And I don't remember it having fangs and red eyes, which are obviously drawn for the cover.

Now that kind of looks like the covered bridge near where I live. And I don’t remember it having fangs and red eyes, which are obviously drawn for the cover.

Seems like this Covered Bridge of Death is hungry for cars and pedestrians.

38.The Nuclear War Fun Book

Includes ideas for games like Mark the Mutant, Connect the Craters, Radioactive Tag, and Body Count. Has a History Mystery Quiz and Paper Doll Nuclear Wardrobe. Also includes tips for a fallout shelter library and pharmacy. Yes, this is the book for your kids to do while their whole world is incinerated by a nuclear apocalypse.

Includes ideas for games like Mark the Mutant, Connect the Craters, Radioactive Tag, and Body Count. Has a History Mystery Quiz and Paper Doll Nuclear Wardrobe. Also includes tips for a fallout shelter library and pharmacy. Yes, this is the book for your kids to do while their whole world is incinerated by a nuclear apocalypse.

In case your kids get bored during the upcoming nuclear holocaust, this is the educational activity book for them.

39. Tales of Chinatown by Sax Rohmer

This is mad King Ludwig II's fairytale Neuschwanstein Castle in Southwest Bavaria, Germany. There is absolutely nothing Chinese about this very European structure. So putting a cover on a book about Chinatown absolutely makes no sense whatsoever.

This is mad King Ludwig II’s fairytale Neuschwanstein Castle in Southwest Bavaria, Germany. There is absolutely nothing Chinese about this very European structure. So putting a cover on a book about Chinatown absolutely makes no sense whatsoever.

Hey, that doesn’t look anything like Chinese architecture. Seems like Rohmer’s Yellow Peril stereotypes based on wild misinformation.

40. Gladiator At-Law by Frederick Pohl and C. M. Kornbluth

And here is the guy on the computer with his shirt ripped who can't watch. But from how I see it, it seems way lamer than The Hunger Games.

And here is the guy on the computer with his shirt ripped who can’t watch. But from how I see it, it seems way lamer than The Hunger Games.

Nothing says science fiction like scantily clad guys fighting each other to the death with lightsabers.

41. How to Land a Top Paying Pierogie Maker’s Job by Ashley McFadden

Now if it wasn't for the title, I would've saw it as a book on how to get a job. Seriously, it just looks so generic, it could be about anything. At least a pierogie picture would've made sense.

Now if it wasn’t for the title, I would’ve saw it as a book on how to get a job. Seriously, it just looks so generic, it could be about anything. At least a pierogie picture would’ve made sense.

Now if you have a book about being a pierogie maker, shouldn’t there be a pierogie on the cover? Just saying.

42. Black Redneck vs. Space Zombies by Steven Roy

“Say hello, to my lady Sweet Lorraine, you motherfuckers.” Black redneck cowboy firing his pistol at space zombies. Now I’ve seen everything.

Now it seems only D’Angelo “Tex” Wallace can only save the day from the savage zombie apocalypse from outer space.

43. Rodent Mutation by Bron Lee

Man, didn't these people know that beavers are actually vegetarians, not man eating monsters. Still, other than its size, the giant beavers don't seem that scary at all. I mean what's the worst they could do? Build a dam?

Man, didn’t these people know that beavers are actually vegetarians, not man eating monsters. Still, other than its size, the giant beavers don’t seem that scary at all. I mean what’s the worst they could do? Build a dam?

Ahh! There are giant beavers in the woods! Run for your lives!

44. To Your Scattered Bodies Go by Philip Jose Farmer

Now I don't know what's creepier about the cover: the naked man with the strategically placed award sticker or the guy on the floating platform with the top hat and cane.

Now I don’t know what’s creepier about the cover: the naked man with the strategically placed award sticker or the guy on the floating platform with the top hat and cane.

Now that’s a strategically placed award sticker. Right on his crotch.

45. Han Solo’s Revenge by Brian Daley

Han Solo may always shoot first. But it appears that Chewie might be out for blood by the expression his face and how he's holding his gun.

Han Solo may always shoot first. But it appears that Chewie might be out for blood by the expression his face and how he’s holding his gun.

More like Chewbacca’s Revenge to me.

46. Stress Pattern by Neal Barrett Jr.

From the description, it's said the phallic thing is actually called a

From the description, it’s said the phallic thing is actually called a “worm way” which is a subway in this book’s bizarre universe. Also, seems one the humans is wearing a tin hat to keep safe from the aliens.

Wonder if that stress pattern is a sci-fi novel about erectile dysfunction.

47. The M. D. She Had to Marry by Christine Rimmer

Seems like nothing says romance than having to marry a sexy doctor in a shotgun wedding after he knocked you up after a one night stand. Of course, it's a fantasy.

Seems like nothing says romance than having to marry a sexy doctor in a shotgun wedding after he knocked you up after a one night stand. Of course, it’s a fantasy.

The baby with the engagement ring is a clear strangulation hazard.

48. Timepivot by Brian N. Ball

Art must've been inspired by Dali, Magritte, or brown acid. Seems like the Galactic Federation has some explaining to do.

Art must’ve been inspired by Dali, Magritte, or brown acid. Seems like the Galactic Federation has some explaining to do.

Seems like this beach beauty is all ear and nose. Also, what’s with the floating eyeball?

49. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe

Okay, seems like these two may be on a deserted island. But I don't see how this nude rape scene has anything to do with being stranded on a deserted island that doesn't seem to have any women around.

Okay, seems like these two may be on a deserted island. But I don’t see how this nude rape scene has anything to do with being stranded on a deserted island that doesn’t seem to have any women around.

I haven’t read the book but I’m sure that there aren’t any white women in it, let alone rape.

50. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Sorry, all you raging hormonal adolescent boys out there, but this isn't a book about a courageous nude saving a bunch of bodacious babes from Martian cities.

Sorry, all you raging hormonal adolescent boys out there, but this isn’t a book about a courageous nude saving a bunch of bodacious babes from Martian cities.

Now this is a book pertaining to an alleged utopian society where people’s social roles are determined while they’re test tube babies. But you wouldn’t know it by the cover.

51. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

Then again, Frankenstein's Monster on this cover seems to have an emo thing going on. Maybe he should stop worrying about trying to win Victor's love and join a hair metal band.

Then again, Frankenstein’s Monster on this cover seems to have an emo thing going on. Maybe he should stop worrying about trying to win Victor’s love and join a hair metal band.

It’s one thing to be a hideous monster revived by dead tissue and electricity. But how did Frankenstein’s monster manage to find a hair stylist who would take him?

52. Where’s the Poop? by Julie Markes and illustrated by Kathleen Susan Hartung

Then again, children do poop so there's no excuse not to write a children's book about it. Of course, we all know that the animals see no need of indoor plumbing and flush toilets.

Then again, children do poop so there’s no excuse not to write a children’s book about it. Of course, we all know that the animals see no need of indoor plumbing and flush toilets.

Now we all can guess that, at least when it comes to people.

53. West of January by Dave Duncan

Now I know that Orcas are among the Oceans' top predators, they're also seen as adorable animals which makes this cover hard to take seriously.

Now I know that Orcas are among the Oceans’ top predators, they’re also seen as adorable animals which makes this cover hard to take seriously.

Some near nude guys surf on tigers, others on killer whales.

54. The Far Arena by Richard Ben Sapir

Now I'm sure the naked gladiator is totally shitting himself right as he sees the large mysterious flying object in the sky that resembles no bird he's ever seen.

Now I’m sure the naked gladiator is totally shitting himself right as he sees the large mysterious flying object in the sky that resembles no bird he’s ever seen.

Can anyone tell me why there’s a large jet aircraft flying over ancient Rome?

55. Strip Mauled edited by Esther Friesner

I'm sure Mr. Werewolf and Ms. Vampire wouldn't act so polite while at tea. Also, I wonder why the vampire lady is dressed like she has a second job at the ye Olde Transylvania strip club.

I’m sure Mr. Werewolf and Ms. Vampire wouldn’t act so polite while at tea. Also, I wonder why the vampire lady is dressed like she has a second job at the ye Olde Transylvania strip club.

Who figured that on a night like this all your fantasy horror creatures would have a midnight tea social?

56. Slave Ship by Frederik Pohl

Of course, I'm not sure why an orangutan and a seal are in the picture either. Still, seems like this guy is listening to his CD while giving the animals directions. Hardly a situation in humans in chattel.

Of course, I’m not sure why an orangutan and a seal are in the picture either. Still, seems like this guy is listening to his CD while giving the animals directions. Hardly a situation in humans in chattel.

Well, being on a slave ship doesn’t seem that bad if there’s a puppy involved.

57. The Gay Old Boys of Yale! A Book of Wit and Humor: Showing the Scrapes and Escapes of College Life (1869) by John Denison Vose

Even funnier is that it was published by Kissinger Legacy Reprints. Then again, Henry Kissinger was a Harvard man so why his name be on the cover of a Yale book is anyone's guess.

Guess the only gay action in this book involves rich guys randomly hooking up with each other after a boozy fest at their frats. I’m sure 1869 would have no shortage of that. Then again, the title is still pretty funny.

Too bad this volume of the Gay Old Boys of Yale doesn’t include Cole Porter who often pops into my mind when I hear about LGBT Yale alumni.

58. The Pocket Book of Boners: An Omnibus of School Boy Howlers and Unconscious Humor illustrated by Dr. Seuss

Of course, when this title referred to

Of course, when this title referred to “boners” I’m sure they didn’t mean “erections” but I’m sure no adolescent school boy wouldn’t want to have one during class.

“Boners,” “unconscious humor” I wonder what dirty stuff that would entail?

59. Images You Should Not Masturbate To

Still, I don't know why anyone would jerk off to a naked old guy wielding an ax on the water. I don't see how such an image can turn anyone on in any way.

Still, I don’t know why anyone would jerk off to a naked old guy wielding an ax on the water. I don’t see how such an image can turn anyone on in any way.

Yes, that would be an image nobody should masturbate to. I think we can all agree on that.

60. Make Your Own Sex Toys

However, if you chose to make a wooden dildo, remember that there's a chance for splinters if you don't varnish them. Seriously, I'd hate to see the stuff they make in this one.

However, if you chose to make a wooden dildo, remember that there’s a chance for splinters if you don’t varnish them. Seriously, I’d hate to see the stuff they make in this one.

Because why go and buy expensive sex toys at the naughty shop when you can make your own?

How to Treat an American Flag

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The American flag is one of the United States’ most significant and powerful patriotic symbols. We have so many stuff for it such as our national anthem, “The Star Spangled Banner,” written by a lawyer named Francis Scott Key who witnessed the Battle of Fort McHenry during the War of 1812 while a prisoner on a British ship in Baltimore Harbor. Of course, even though the flag has been around since the American Revolution but contrary to what you might’ve learned in school, it was definitely not designed by a woman named Betsy Ross (that was just some bullshit story made up by her grandson). It was more likely designed by Continental Congress delegate and signer of the Declaration of Independence Francis Hopkinson (and even his claim has holes in it but at least his involvement with the design is supported by evidence). Yet, there are also stories relating to other individuals as well. But as to whoever sewn the first American flag, it could be any flag maker in Philadelphia. Over the years, it has gone through many renditions, there wasn’t a lot of rules that pertained to the stars and stripes at first save perhaps that it should include 13 red and white stripes as well as a blue square at the top left corner that consisted of a number of stars that depicted the number of states at the time. However, until 1912, there was no pattern to how the stars should be displayed. And if you go to an American Civil War museum, then you’d find a lot of interesting patterns.

One of the many designs you might see of a Union flag in an American Civil War museum. The star configuration on the flag wouldn't be established until 1912.

One of the many designs you might see of a Union flag in an American Civil War museum. The star configuration on the flag wouldn’t be established until 1912.

Despite that the Stars and Stripes was adopted in 1777, it wasn’t until 146 years later when there was a serious attempt to establish a uniform code of etiquette for the US flag. On February 15, 1923, the War Department issued the US Flag Code which was adopted almost in their entirety on June 14 of that year by a conference of 68 patriotic organizations in Washington D.C. However, the US Flag Code didn’t become official law until years later. Now military branches have their own codes for the American Flag. This is for civilians.

If something has the likeness of an American flag to an observer, then it should be seen as an American flag. Since this house is painted as an American flag, it's basically disrespect.

If something has the likeness of an American flag to an observer, then it should be seen as an American flag. Since this house is painted as an American flag, it’s basically disrespect.

“The words “flag, standard, colors, or ensign”, as used herein, shall include any flag, standard, colors, ensign, or any picture or representation of either, or of any part or parts of either, made of any substance or represented on any substance, of any size evidently purporting to be either of said flag, standard, colors, or ensign of the United States of America or a picture or a representation of either, upon which shall be shown the colors, the stars and the stripes, in any number of either thereof, or of any part or parts of either, by which the average person seeing the same without deliberation may believe the same to represent the flag, colors, standard, or ensign of the United States of America.” –Introduction to the US Flag Code Ch. 1 Title 4.

When to Display the Flag

The flag should be displayed at all times on a pole at public buildings, legal holidays, and other occasions.

The flag should be displayed at all times on a pole at public buildings, legal holidays, and other occasions. On all days, it’s usually hoisted on flagstaffs from sunrise to sunset.

On all days, especially on legal holidays and other special occasions.

It's always customary for classrooms to stand up and recite the "Pledge of Allegiance" every morning. But even though I love my country, saying the Pledge was kind of a pain in the ass for me. Nevertheless, Francis Bellamy had a way to salute the flag during the pledge but it was discontinued in the 1940s for bearing too much similarities to the Hitler salute (yes, really).

It’s always customary for classrooms to stand up and recite the “Pledge of Allegiance” every morning. But even though I love my country, saying the Pledge was kind of a pain in the ass for me. Nevertheless, Francis Bellamy had a way to salute the flag during the pledge but it was discontinued in the 1940s for bearing too much similarities to the Hitler salute (yes, really).

On official buildings when in use, in or near polling places on election days, and in or near schools when in session.

Customary between sunrise and sunset on buildings and on stationary flagstaffs in the open.

Citizens may fly it at any time.

The American flag flies continuously at the US Marine War Memorial in Washington D. C. which depicts the statue of the soldiers in the Iwo Jima flag raising photo, which was staged as said in Flags of Our Fathers. What happened to the men in it is pretty sad.

The American flag flies continuously at the US Marine War Memorial in Washington D. C. which depicts the statue of the soldiers in the Iwo Jima flag raising photo, which was staged as said in Flags of Our Fathers. What happened to the men in it is pretty sad.

May be displayed at night, on special occasions, preferably lighted.

Flies at the White House and the East and West fronts as well as the dome of the US Capitol at all times and at the US House and Senate while in session. Other places it flies continuously at: US customs and ports of entry, Fort McHenry National Monument and Historic Shrine as well as Flag House Square in Baltimore, the Francis Scott Key Home, the Marine Corps War Memorial (Raising of the Flag at Iwo Jima), Battle Green at Lexington, Massachusetts, the South Pole, the Moon, Valley Forge, and other places by custom.

50 flags are continuously displayed at the Washington Monument.

A Civil War era flag flies continuously at Pennsylvania Hall at Gettysburg College.

Small flags usually fly at all times on graves of those who’ve served in the US military.

Flying the Flag at Half-Staff

To fly a flag at half staff is a sign of a nation in mourning. This is usually done upon deaths of high elected official, days of remembrance, and upon presidential proclamation.

To fly a flag at half staff is a sign of a nation in mourning. This is usually done upon deaths of high elected official, days of remembrance, and upon presidential proclamation.

Signal of mourning.

Should be hoisted to the peak before being lowered to half-staff.

Durations:

  • By presidential proclamation.
  • 30 days from the day of death for a sitting or former president.
  • 10 days from the day of death for a current Vice President, current/retired Chief Supreme Court Justice, and Speaker of the House.
  • Day of death to day to burial for associate Supreme Court Justice, cabinet member, former Vice President, Senate president pro tempore, and House and Senate majority and minority leaders.
  • Day of death to following day in DC and day of death to burial in decedent’s constituency for US senator, representative, territorial delegate, and residential commissioner for Puerto Rico.
  • Day of death to burial in the decedent’s constituency for governor.
  • On Memorial Day until noon and then raised at peak.
  • On Korean War Veterans Armistice Day (July 27), National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day (December 7), and Peace Officers Memorial Day (May 15).

How to Fly the Flag

This picture illustrates how you should fly the United States flag. And believe me, the US flag code thinks of everything.

This picture illustrates how you should fly the United States flag. And believe me, the US flag code thinks of everything.

Should be hoisted briskly and ceremoniously.

Should never touch the ground or floor.

When hung over a sidewalk, union side should be away from the building.

When hung over the center of a street, union side should be to the north in an east-west street and to the east in a north-south street.

Must not fly any flag above it or to the right if flown at the same level, except at the United Nations Headquarters and only the UN flag for the former and the member states for the latter.

When 2 flags are placed against a wall with crossed staffs, it should be at right and in front of the staff of the other flag.

When a number of flags are grouped and displayed on staffs, it should be at the center and highest point of the group.

When displayed on a private estate, it shouldn’t be hung (unless at half-staff or when an all weather flag is displayed) during rain or violent weather.

Church and Platform Use

In an auditorium, must be displayed flat, above, and behind the speaker.

When displayed on a staff at church or in a public auditorium, it must hold the position of superior prominence, in advance of the audience, and in a position of honor on the speaker’s right while he or she faces the audience. Other flags should be placed on the left facing the audience.

When it is displayed at the floor of a church or public auditorium, it should be placed on the speaker’s left.

While it may seem like a US Flag Code violation, it's actually not since this photo was taken behind the scenes. The code calls the stars to be at the observer's left and will certainly look like this to the audience. Thus, this is correct.

While it may seem like a US Flag Code violation, it’s actually not since this photo was taken behind the scenes. The code calls the stars to be at the observer’s left and will certainly look like this to the audience. Thus, this is correct.

When displayed horizontally or vertically against the wall or hung, the stars should be uppermost and at the observer’s left.

The only acceptable time when an American flag can be draped is on a coffin during a funeral for a serviceman, public official of high standing, or first responders, especially if killed in the line of duty.

The only acceptable time when an American flag can be draped is on a coffin during a funeral for a serviceman, public official of high standing, or first responders, especially if killed in the line of duty. However, it should be removed and folded before being presented to the next of kin.

When covering a casket, it should be placed so that the union (star side) is at the head and over the left shoulder. It should not be lowered into the grave or touch the ground.

Ways to display it on a casket:

  • Closed Casket: When the flag is used to drape a closed casket, it should be so placed that the union (blue field) is at the head and over the left shoulder of the deceased. It may be said that the flag is embracing the deceased who in life has served the flag.
  • Half Couch (Open): When the flag is used to drape a half-couch casket, it should be placed three layers to cover the closed half of the casket in such a manner that the blue field will be the top fold, next to the open portion of the casket on the deceased’s left.
  • Full Couch (Open): When the flag is used to drape a full-couch casket, it should be folded in a triangular shape and placed in the center part of the head panel of the casket cap, just above the left shoulder of the deceased. (ushistory.org)

Maintaining the Flag

Look, I understand you want a picture of your cat for Facebook patriotic kitten photo contest. But still, American flags shouldn't be on the ground nor be placed in a jumbled up mess.

Look, I understand you want a picture of your cat for Facebook patriotic kitten photo contest. But still, American flags shouldn’t be on the ground nor be placed in a jumbled up mess.

When lowered, it should never touch the ground, water, or other object as well as received in waiting hands. It should be folded neatly and ceremoniously.

Of course, I can attach much political symbols on this picture during the 5th anniversary of 9/11. But even Mr. and Mrs. Bush should know better than to step and wipe their feet on the stars and stripes.

Of course, I can attach much political symbols on this picture during the 5th anniversary of 9/11. But even Mr. and Mrs. Bush should know better than to step and wipe their feet on the stars and stripes.

It should never be stepped on.

Gee, Beatles, this picture of the American flag seems all right with the union at the observer's left, but it's hung a little too low since the Fab Four are basically stepping on it. Then again, I'll just let them off this one since they're fantastic and British.

Gee, Beatles, this picture of the American flag seems all right with the union at the observer’s left, but it’s hung a little too low since the Fab Four are basically stepping on it. Then again, I’ll just let them off this one since they’re fantastic and British. Also, they probably weren’t consulted.

It should be cleaned and mended when necessary.

The flag should be ceremoniously folded like this:

And here's a step-by-step graphic to show you. As my experience with folding an American flag at West Overton, you need at least one other person to do this. Seriously, you see this flag folding at military funerals.

And here’s a step-by-step graphic to show you. As my experience with folding an American flag at West Overton, you need at least a few people to do this. Seriously, you see this flag folding at military funerals.

1. Begin by holding it waist-high with another person so that its surface is parallel to the ground.
2. Fold the lower half of the stripe section lengthwise over the field of stars, holding the bottom and top edges securely.
3. Fold the flag again lengthwise with the blue field on the outside.
4. Make a rectangular fold then a triangular fold by bringing the striped corner of the folded edge to meet the open top edge of the flag, starting the fold from the left side over to the right.
5. Turn the outer end point inward, parallel to the open edge, to form a second triangle.
6. The triangular folding is continued until the entire length of the flag is folded in this manner (usually thirteen triangular folds, as shown at right). On the final fold, any remnant that does not neatly fold into a triangle (or in the case of exactly even folds, the last triangle) is tucked into the previous fold.
7. When the flag is completely folded, only a triangular blue field of stars should be visible.

How to Dispose of a Worn Flag

If you have an American flag that's worn out and torn to shreds, you can dispose it right in bins like these from organizations like the Boy Scouts, American Legion, VFW, the military, or others.

If you have an American flag that’s worn out and torn to shreds, you can dispose it right in bins like these from organizations like the Boy Scouts, American Legion, VFW, the military, or others.

When the flag is in a condition that makes it no longer an emblem for display, it must be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably burning. If you can’t do it yourself remember that you can always contact your local chapters of the Veterans of Foreign Wars, American Legion, Boy Scouts of America, the military or other organizations that conduct dignified flag burning and retirement ceremonies.

As your flag deteriorates, you might want to think about disposing it in a dignified manner, preferably by burning. There's a lot of organizations that take tattered flags and retire them.

As your flag deteriorates, you might want to think about disposing it in a dignified manner, preferably by burning. There’s a lot of organizations that take tattered flags and retire them.

However, if it’s made from polyester or nylon, it’s best if you have it recycled due to hazardous gases being produced while it’s being burned.

Nevertheless, if you find a damaged flag say from an era prior to 1912, you might want to have preserved in a museum immediately.

When to Salute the Flag

Unless you're a member of the band playing the National Anthem or recitation of the "Pledge of Allegiance," it's always customary to salute the flag. Servicemen do the military salute while civilians place their right hands on their hearts.

Unless you’re a member of the band playing the National Anthem or recitation of the “Pledge of Allegiance,” it’s always customary to salute the flag. Servicemen do the military salute while civilians place their right hands on their hearts.

All should face the flag, stand at attention and salute on these occasions:

1. When the flag is passing in a parade or review
2. During the ceremony of hoisting and lowering
3. While the national anthem is played
4. During the Pledge of Allegiance

During these occasions, those in uniform should render military style. Civilians should place the right hand over their heart. Men wearing hats should remove them and old it on their left shoulders during the salute.

Prohibited Uses of the Flag

Sure we may remember Janet Jackson exposing her boob at the Super Bowl in 2004. But I also remember seeing Kid Rock wearing an American flag and clutching his crotch in one of the most disrespectful ways to treat the Stars and Stripes.

Sure we may remember Janet Jackson exposing her boob at the Super Bowl in 2004. But I also remember seeing Kid Rock wearing an American flag and clutching his crotch in one of the most disrespectful ways to treat the Stars and Stripes.

Don’t dip the flag into any person or thing (except if it’s a customary ship salute).

Now this soldier has his flag upside down to say our nation is in distress over the killing of innocents in the Middle East, which is fine. However, the writing on the flag is actually more disrespectful.

Now this soldier has his flag upside down to say our nation is in distress over the killing of innocents in the Middle East, which is fine. However, the writing on the flag is actually more disrespectful.

Don’t display the flag with the union side down except as a distress signal.

It's always a tradition in pro football games to display the American flag on the field. However, it's also a violation of the US Flag Code done in the name of patriotism. Then again, it looks good for the cameras.

It’s always a tradition in pro football games to display the American flag on the field. However, it’s also a violation of the US Flag Code done in the name of patriotism. Then again, it looks good for the cameras.

Don’t carry the flag horizontally or flat, but always aloft and free.

For God's sake, this is a patriotic national symbol, not a boat cover. Show a little respect for our country, you asshole!

For God’s sake, this is a patriotic national symbol, not a boat cover. Show a little respect for our country, you asshole!

Don’t display it on a float, automobile, train or a boat except from a staff.

Apparently somebody at the Homes and Gardens channel thought an American flag would make the perfect patriotic table spread. What it really is unpatriotic disrespect.

Apparently somebody at the Homes and Gardens channel thought an American flag would make the perfect patriotic table spread. What it really is unpatriotic disrespect.

Don’t place anything on it.

Sure this may be a heartwarming photo of patriotic cuteness. But the US flag code states you shouldn't let it touch the ground or put anything on it. Babies included.

Sure this may be a heartwarming photo of patriotic cuteness. But the US flag code states you shouldn’t let it touch the ground or put anything on it. Babies included.

Don’t use it as a ceiling covering.

Now while I see nothing wrong with honoring 9/11 victims, writing their names on this flag of honor is kind of disrespectful to the American flag according to the code. No disrespect, please.

Now while I see nothing wrong with honoring 9/11 victims, writing their names on this flag of honor is kind of disrespectful to the American flag according to the code. No disrespect, please.

Don’t place any word, design, insignia, number, letter, mark, picture, or drawing on it (meaning you don’t write anything on it or use it for any design).

For a Vice Presidential candidate known for her extremely hateful conservative comments and love for traditional American values, Sarah Palin sure doesn't have any qualms about desecrating the American flag with her autograph.

For a Vice Presidential candidate known for her extremely hateful conservative comments and love for traditional American values, Sarah Palin sure doesn’t have any qualms about desecrating a sacred national symbol with her autograph.

Don’t use it as a receptacle for carrying or delivering anything.

Sure this may seem like the kind of patriotic photo op that might leave some Americans in stitches. But the Flag code specifically states that the stars and stripes shouldn't be used as a receptacle for anything.

Sure this may seem like the kind of patriotic photo op that might leave some Americans in stitches. But the Flag code specifically states that the stars and stripes shouldn’t be used as a receptacle for anything.

Don’t use it as a cover for a statue or monument.

Sure using an American flag for advertising violates the US flag code. But name a company that doesn't do this around the 4th of July. Seriously, every car dealership and beer distributor does this all the time.

Sure using an American flag for advertising violates the US flag code. But name a company that doesn’t do this around the 4th of July. Seriously, every car dealership and beer distributor does this all the time.

Don’t use it for advertising or put an advertising sign attached to the staff or halyard.

Yes, the 4th of July is a time for patriotic party supplies. But this is possibly very disrespectful to the Stars and Stripes as the Flag Code demonstrates. You might want to go with Captain America instead.

Yes, the 4th of July is a time for patriotic party supplies. But this is possibly very disrespectful to the Stars and Stripes as the Flag Code demonstrates. You might want to go with Captain America instead.

Don’t impress, print, paint, or embroider it on articles boxes, napkins, or anything designed for temporary use and discard as well as stuff like handkerchiefs and cushions.

Okay, now I know Americans love their pets and like to use them in patriotic photo ops. However, it's best you don't put an American flag where it can incur soiling and damage such as in a dog's mouth.

Okay, now I know Americans love their pets and like to use them in patriotic photo ops. However, it’s best you don’t put an American flag where it can incur soiling and damage such as in a dog’s mouth.

Don’t fasten, store, display, or use it in a manner that could leave it easily torn, soiled, or damaged in any way.

Sure this may be a sexy patriotic photo op. But it basically goes against the US flag code to wear an American flag so it's basically desecration.

Sure this may be a sexy patriotic photo op. But it basically goes against the US flag code to wear an American flag so it’s basically desecration.

Don’t use it as part of a costume or athletic uniform except if it’s a flag patch on the uniform of military personnel, firefighters, police officers, astronauts, and members of patriotic organizations (and only as designated by that organization). However, if you should wear a flag lapel, it should be pinned near the heart.

Hmm, Mrs. Palin, I know you love America and you want to take a photo to show it. But you know you're disrespecting the US flag by basically draping it on a chair. And she's among the same people who attack Obama for not wearing a lapel pin.

Hmm, Mrs. Palin, I know you love America and you want to take a photo to show it. But you know you’re disrespecting the US flag by basically draping it on a chair. And she’s among the same people who attack Obama for not wearing a lapel pin.

Don’t use it as drapery, bedding, apparel, or decoration of any sort (save a casket during funerals for servicemen, first responders, and high public officials as long as it’s taken off and ceremonially folded). If you want patriotic decoration and drapery for a speaker’s desk, go with a patriotic bunting instead with the blue above and white in the middle.

Want a patriotic decoration you can use for a podium or platform but don't want to desecrate the American flag? Use this bunting, goddammit! You can find them at any craft store.

Want a patriotic decoration you can use for a podium or platform but don’t want to desecrate the American flag? Use this bunting, goddammit! You can find them at any craft store.

Don’t festoon, draw back, up, bunched up, or in folds, but always allowed to fall free.

When it comes to flag desecration, this is perhaps the only way to disrespect the stars and strips that will get people wanting to put you in jail.

When it comes to flag desecration, this is perhaps the only way to disrespect the stars and stripes that will get people wanting to put you in jail.

As of now, there are no penalties for desecrating an American Flag though there have been suggestions with one law from 1968 saying that it could lead to a $1,000 fine or a year’s imprisonment. Nevertheless, as you’ve seen in the media, many Americans frequently violate these rules in the US Flag Code even though it’s usually those who burn the flag at protest rallies who usually receive the most criticism and calls for prosecution. Advertisers, athletic owners, and clothing designers, not so much but you see the flag’s image desecrated like this all the time in these ways. And sometimes having the flag used in this way is seen as promoting patriotism (even though the people who do this either don’t realize what they’re doing or really don’t care). And here the political spectrum doesn’t matter since shows of flag desecration are basically an American tradition at this point, even when played not to be. Even the US government does this as well since flags are a frequent image on postage stamps. Thus, to call anyone unpatriotic for disrespecting the flag is just stupid since it’s something we basically all do at one time or another.

Even the US government isn't above disrespecting the American flag in which it issues postage stamps in its likeness. However, as Americans, we tend to allow this.

Even the US government isn’t above disrespecting the American flag in which it issues postage stamps in its likeness. However, as Americans, we tend to allow this.

For more:

USFlag.org: http://www.usflag.org/uscode36.html

FAQ on the flag: http://www.ushistory.org/betsy/faq.htm

Why This “All Muslims Are Terrorists” Mantra Needs to Stop

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Now I may not do a serious post very often but I think a post on anti-Muslim bias and Islamophobia in the United States is long overdue. I know this post will anger some people and possibly cause controversy. But as a practicing Catholic, liberal, and American, I think whatever I put on this post needs to be addressed even if results in a lot of trolling and angry comments. Sure I know very well that Muslim terrorists orchestrated 9/11 and killed Americans in the Middle East and you all have a right to be upset about it. After all, we all were. It’s all right to condemn Islamic radicalism, fundamentalism, and terrorism as well as the injustice wreaked upon by Muslim nations in the name of Allah. And I see absolutely no problem with condemning Islamic terrorist attacks on anyone whether they be American, Israeli, French, Japanese, or anything else. Neither do I see anything wrong with criticizing dictatorships and corruption, whether they be theocratic like Iran, Iraq, and Saudi Arabia or not like Egypt or Syria (as far as I know). In fact, I encourage people to condemn terrorism and injustice anywhere and I have not qualms against any outrage over people mistreating one another in the name of God, Allah, profit, patriotism, politics, or whatever.

This is a handy cartoon of how Islamophobia affects people's perception of Muslims. Here we have a Muslim in the same pose as a white person in similar garb. But they are seen as totally different things.

This is a handy cartoon of how Islamophobia affects people’s perception of Muslims. Here we have a Muslim in the same pose as a white person in similar garb. But they are seen as totally different things.

However, just keep in mind that any Islamic violence or injustice in the Middle East and abroad gives you absolutely no excuse to stereotype all Muslims as terrorists, irrational, anti-American, anti-western, fanatical, sexist, bigoted, anti-democratic, homophobic, Anti-Semitic, culturally backward or what not. Whenever you equate Islam with all these wretched things, you not only insult and unfairly discriminate 1.6 billion people or 23% of the world’s population as well as make up the majority in 57 countries around the world, you also do the same to 2-7 million of your fellow Americans, whether you see them as such or not. Despite what we all see in the news media, we need to acknowledge that despite the public knowledge of Muslim leaders and terrorists committing crimes against humanity, they don’t represent the majority of the Muslim population, which is made up of different denominations as well as consists of followers as diverse in culture, opinion, and religious practice. Yes, there are a few violent extremists out there but they aren’t representative of the Islamic faith in any way, shape, or form. Sure Islam might have some alien elements in it than we’re used to, but in many ways it’s no so different than the religions we practice or the ideas we hold. And while Muslims themselves may dress differently, talk differently, look differently, or whatever, when you actually get to know some of them, you realize that they’re not so different from ourselves, even in places like Iran.

This 2011 chart illustrates Americans' attitudes toward religion and American Muslims. But while Most Americans believe in religious freedom, a sizeable number of them aren't comfortable around Muslims and hold Anti-Muslim views. Hypocrites.

This 2011 chart illustrates Americans’ attitudes toward religion and American Muslims. But while Most Americans believe in religious freedom, a sizeable number of them aren’t comfortable around Muslims and hold Anti-Muslim views. Hypocrites.

Unfortunately, thanks to sensationalist media and Fox News, many Americans don’t see Muslims or Islam this way and this is a problem, especially if they’re Arab or live in the Middle East and North Africa. Since 9/11, Islamophobia in America has been on the rise and it doesn’t help that the Boston Marathon bombers were Muslim and so were the groups ISIS and Boko Haram. What’s even worse is that Anti-Islamic bigotry isn’t just limited to those on the Christian and political right but has been systematically nurtured in America for quite some time, especially during the last 14 years. Yes, you get a lot of Anti-Islamic sentiment from the hate filled Fox News, Republican politicians, and the megachurch Evangelical preachers in the Bible Belt. But you also see a lot of Anti-Islamic bigotry (implied and otherwise) from new age atheists movements on the far left, on TV shows and programs like Live with Bill Maher, Hollywood movies, and even in the news where acts of Islamic violence and injustice are regularly reported. But incidences of nonviolent Muslims living ordinary lives within their local communities are not. And while there are films that portray Muslims as human beings like The Devil’s Double, Slumdog Millionaire, Syriana, Babel, The Kite Runner, Crash, Salmon Fishing in Yemen, and A Most Wanted Man but these films are quickly overshadowed in the US box office by movies like 300, Zero Dark Thirty, the Taken Trilogy, and American Sniper. These 4 successful box office franchises make the stereotyped Arab caricatures you see on Lawrence of Arabia seem respectable in comparison. As for TV, you have shows like 24 and Homeland casting Muslims as Islamic terrorist villains.

Here is a pie chart from the ICNA that shows the components of Islamic Sharia law. Note that it mostly consists of rituals of worship as well as personal, economic, and family laws. The bad stuff that you hear most about Sharia Law only consists of a small fraction.

Here is a pie chart from the ICNA that shows the components of Islamic Sharia law. Note that it mostly consists of rituals of worship as well as personal, economic, and family laws. The bad stuff that you hear most about Sharia Law only consists of a small fraction.

Today Islamophobia operates on a network including funders, organizations, media outlets, propagandists, activists, and political players busy on creating a climate of fear, hate, and suspicion of Muslims in America and abroad. Now I understand that we Americans value our First Amendment rights guaranteeing freedom of religion and expression. We cherish or right to practice our faith however we please and express our opinions. But American Muslims continue to attract anger from all sides of the political spectrum whether it pertains to a student reciting “The Pledge of Allegiance” in Arabic as part of a Foreign Languages Week, taking the oath of office on a Koran, praying to Allah for scoring a touchdown, a university allowing Muslim students to sound their call of prayer from their facilities, or expressing a desire to build a Mosque or an Islamic center in their local municipality whether it be 2 miles from Ground Zero or Murfeesboro, Tennessee. Such actions are only those of a people who only wish to express and worship freely just like their fellow Americans who came before them. They desire to commit no violence against the United States, only to be recognized as American as their fellow countrymen. But too many Americans see Islam at odds with American values and erroneously portray extremism of the Muslim world as representative of the Muslim faith.

Here is a screenshot I took from a Muslim American infographic survey from the Pew Research Center. This pertains to how American Muslims view the US compared to what the general public thinks of them.

Here is a screenshot I took from a Muslim American infographic survey from the Pew Research Center. This pertains to how American Muslims view the US compared to what the general public thinks of them.

Islamophobia has become so socially acceptable that many see little qualms about being public of the fact. Too many believe that American Muslims are working to subvert the US Constitution. Many go so far as to believe that Muslims shouldn’t be eligible to run for high electoral office, sit as judges, be eligible for citizenship, or be required to swear loyalty oaths. Many Muslim Americans have also been discriminated on their jobs and consist of a fifth of religion charges as reported by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in 2011. Across the country, Muslims have to put up with hate speech linking their religious identity to terrorism, whether it be flyers threatening mass murder, angry protests, anti-Muslim ads on buses, anti-Islamic jabs by the media and powers that be, Koran burnings, or being viewed with suspicion by non-Muslim members in their communities. Many American Muslims have been chastised for not being sorry for the 9/11 attacks or sensitive enough for the victims’ families, as if they’re guilty by association. And when some Muslim community wants to build a mosque, you can bet there will be considerable opposition. Sometimes when Islamophobia is brought up, many people will go out of their way to deny it exists citing how the Koran advocates violence, slavery, intolerance of unbelievers, mistreatment of women, etc. But they are just trying to rationalize their hatred about something they don’t completely understand. However, denying Islamophobia exists just makes things worse. Sure I’m with people criticizing religion and how it’s practiced in some parts of the world, but I’m staunchly against it when people criticize a faith in a way that it’s disrespectful to those who observe it as well as outright religious hate speech. And sometimes anti-Muslim sentiment can turn into action.

This map from the Center of American Islamic Relations or (CAIR) that depicts the status of Anti-Muslim legislation in 2011. By this time 5 states have passed Anti-Muslim legislation while bills were active in the Carolinas.

This map from the Council of American Islamic Relations or (CAIR) that depicts the status of Anti-Muslim legislation in 2011. By this time 5 states have passed Anti-Muslim legislation while bills were active in the Carolinas.

Sometimes Islamophobia can result in discriminatory legislation and social policy. Since 9/11, the federal government has implemented policies targeting Muslim communities as well as reinforcing the notion they’re worthy of suspicion. Sure the government should be concerned about national security but it seems that during the Bush and Obama administrations, Muslim radicalization seems like the main concern. Under George W. Bush, people from Middle Eastern and South Asian countries were required to register with immigration authorities resulting in detaining and deporting 13,000 of them. Under Barack Obama, the FBI continues engaging in pointed surveillance and information gathering in Muslim communities, which the Department of Justice tried to justify. But Muslim profiling doesn’t stop at the federal level for the New York Police Department does the same thing. A few years ago, Oklahoma enacted a constitutional amendment that banned state judges from considering Islamic Sharia Law which would in practice prohibit a judge from probating an Islamic will. And Oklahoma’s situation isn’t unique for there have been 78 bills or amendments designed to vilify Islamic religious practices introduced in legislatures in 29 states. As of 2013, Anti-Islam bills have become law in 7 states.

Here is an American Islamic center vandalized with words telling them to

Here is an American Islamic center vandalized with words telling them to “Go Home,” “9/11,” “(Rah) You Idol Worshipir,” and “Murderer.” Note that many Mideast Muslims who arrive in America are refugees fleeing violence who feel they have nowhere else to go.

And sometimes Islamophobia can descend into all out violence. Since 2001, anti-Muslim violence has skyrocketed in the United States with Muslim establishments being vandalized and desecrated. It has also resulted in people committing hate crimes against Muslim individuals that range from property destruction, robbery, assault, stalking, intimidation, and even murder. Last month, a new atheist militant shot 3 young Muslims over a “parking dispute” near the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (which we all know was definitely a hate crime). Later this was followed by an arson attack against a Houston Islamic community center which led to a fireman post on his social media page, “Let it burn…block the fire hydrant.” In Austin, a man was arrested for making a bomb threat against a Muslim community center. In Rhode Island, a Muslim day school was vandalized with the words, “Now this is a hate crime” and “pigs,” as well as expletives referring to the Islamic faith. And in December at Kansas City, Missouri, a 15 year old Muslim boy was killed when a driver plowed into him, almost severing his legs outside the Somali Center. All this is just part of a long list of crimes directed against American Muslims since September 11, which I can’t list on them for there’s so many. But whenever someone voices anti-Islamic views in the mass media, it only takes one lunatic hearing them to act on them.

Muslims aren't the only religious group affected by Islamophobia. This graffiti was found on a Hindu Temple in Washington State, which was mistaken for a mosque. Yet, it's just as bad.

Muslims aren’t the only religious group affected by Islamophobia. This graffiti was found on a Hindu Temple in Washington State, which was mistaken for a mosque. Many Americas have no idea that there’s a lot of religious diversity in South Asia so even those who are just presumed Muslim can be targets for hate crimes.

Islamophobia doesn’t affect just Muslims either. Groups also affected are non-Muslims from the Middle East and North Africa, South Asians, Hindus, and Sikhs. These people may not be Muslims but since many people tend to link Islam with certain aspects like turbans, Asian architecture, veils, Middle Eastern and South Asian features, etc. This leads many to suspect those of Middle Eastern and South Asian descent as being from Muslim communities making them targets of violence as well. In 2012, a white supremacist killed 6 Sikhs at their place of worship in Oak Creek, Wisconsin. How do I know it was probably motivated by Islamlophobia? Because a lot of Americans have no idea what a Sikh is and that male Sikhs are religiously mandated to wear turbans. That December, a Hindu businessman was shoved into the path of a train at a New York subway station by a 31 year old Hispanic woman named Erika Menendez, which resulted in him getting struck and killed. When asked by police why she did it, she said, “I pushed a Muslim off the train tracks because I hate Hindus and Muslims… Ever since 2001 when they put down the Twin Towers, I’ve been beating them up.” And recently a Hindu temple and a nearby school in Washington State were spray painted with a swastika and the words, “Muslims, Get Out.” So even though Islamophobia may chiefly target Muslims, this doesn’t mean that individuals other faiths are exempt from injustice, especially if they fit a person’s perception of one.

This pie chart illustrates the ethnicity make up of Muslims in the United States. The majority of Muslims are either of Mideastern or South Asian descent. This also makes non-Muslims from these two areas likely targets to Islamophobia.

This pie chart illustrates the ethnicity make up of Muslims in the United States. The majority of Muslims are either of Mideastern or South Asian descent. This also makes non-Muslims from these two areas likely targets to Islamophobia.

Still, the sad irony is that many immigrant Muslims seek refuge in America just to flee violence or political repression from their homes. Sometimes they have been driven off and tend to have nowhere else to go. Sure Islamic extremists may pose a threat to national security. But no matter how we see it, the biggest victims of Islamic extremism in the Middle East and abroad are Muslims themselves. Hundreds of thousands of them had died in the hands of terrorist groups in Pakistan, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Nigeria. To identify their faith with those of their killers isn’t just insulting but like defining other other religions with their worst members. And it makes things worse that these people have to be viewed with suspicion and fear by their new neighbors as they go through the most difficult transition of their lives. Most of these Muslims came to the US just to spend the rest of their lives in peace and without fear of persecution. They may have lost everything they had back in their home country or possibly lost someone they knew to the very extremists that some Americans view them in cahoots with. Making these terror victims guilty by association instead of reaching out to them in compassion does us no favors and may possibly compromise national security since Islamophobia might just give Islamic terrorists more excuses to hate the West as well as make many immigrant Muslim Americans more prone to radicalization by terror groups.

Here's a list of everyday activities many American Muslims do compared to the general public according to the Pew Research Center survey. Note the glaring absence of anything pertaining to terrorist activities proclaiming

Here’s a list of everyday activities many American Muslims do compared to the general public according to the Pew Research Center survey. Note the glaring absence of anything pertaining to terrorist activities or proclaiming “Death to America.”

Perhaps the root of Islamophobia in the United States is that most Americans have no idea about Islam and its culture  and don’t know any Muslims firsthand (I’ve known two who were both Pakistani immigrants). Not to mention, they learn about Islam from non-Muslim sources like news outlets such as Fox News, which has hardly reliable information about anything. And what they do know is that Islamic culture is different from ours and that a few members are prone to commit acts of terror and violence against their own people in the Middle East. Thus, many see them as “the Other” and tend to fear them. These people my think they know everything they need about Islam being a violent religion that oppresses anyone who doesn’t subscribe to 100% of its doctrine. But what they don’t know is that Islam is no monolith and that it has been responsive to change since its founding in the 7th century. They also don’t know how a lot of Muslims ignore the bad stuff in the Islamic texts or Sharia Law just like Christians do when it comes to the Bible (as well as come from the same Abrahamic tradition as Judaism and that a lot of Islam’s values are not much different from ours). Not to mention, they don’t have any idea that Islamic practices vary among Muslims as a whole. And while Islamophobes claim that Islam is a violent and intolerant religion, many forget that most Muslims don’t see it that way and would feel that concepts like violent Jihad, apostasy laws, theocratic rule, and honor killings as abhorrent.

Here's another screenshot of an infographic from the Pew Research Center that show how Muslim Americans are holding up since 9/11. The majority of them day it's more difficult being a Muslim in the US and that many report negative experiences.

Here’s another screenshot of an infographic from the Pew Research Center that show how Muslim Americans are holding up since 9/11. The majority of them say it’s more difficult being a Muslim in the US and that many report negative experiences.

Now I’m not a Muslim and I may not understand Islam as well as I should. But I know well enough that terrorists can be of any religion and that they aren’t at all representative of their faith and every religion harbors extremist fringe of some sort. Islam is no different. But while it’s perfectly fine to fear Islamic extremists terrorists attacking our country, it’s not okay to associate all Muslims as guilty of association or view them with suspicion and disgust when you have no reason to. Muslims are human beings who deserve a chance of fair judgement based on individual communication, just like everyone else. Throughout our history, Muslim Americans have contributed a great deal to this country socially and economically. Some of them have even served in our Armed Forces and even died for this country fighting for our freedom. And like the rest of us, most American Muslims are well integrated in our society, support our values, and are very concerned about extremist violence in the United States. To associate them as guilty of terrorist activity because they have the same religion as the Islamic terrorists you see in the media is simply Un-American and goes against everything our country stands for. It also ignores history, too. Not only does it exclude and marginalize Muslim Americans from mainstream society and politics, but also makes them more vulnerable to hate crimes.

This infographic from Religion Link reports that though Islam is practiced worldwide by 1 in 5 people, most Americans know nothing or little about it. The fact many Americans don't know much about Islam is a main driver in Islamophobia.

This infographic from Religion Link reports that though Islam is practiced worldwide by 1 in 5 people, most Americans know nothing or little about it. The fact many Americans don’t know much about Islam is a main driver in Islamophobia.

I know there may be those viewing this who’d decry that Islamophobia is a myth and that I’m full of shit. But I tell you that a key symptom of any widespread prejudice or hatred is denying that it exists. So those denying the very existence of Islamophobia are Islamophobes themselves and thus, not to be trusted in Islamic affairs. It’s not Islamophobic to hate Muslim terrorists for being the dangerous criminals and extremists they are. But it’s Islamophobic to use Islamic terrorism to hate Islam and Muslims in general, especially when they have absolutely no inclination for terrorism in the first place. Whether it be by negative media portrayals, discrimination, or hate crime, Islamophobia is real, it’s happening, and it’s a problem for all of us. Yes, there are bad Muslims out there as well as Muslim nations that do very terrible things, sometimes in the name of their religion and sometimes not. But none of that proves that Islam is an evil faith or that all Muslims are terrorists, which is simply not true. Those who say Islamophobia is bogus not only makes it acceptable to scapegoat Muslims but also puts people’s lives at risk, especially when it pertains to hate crime. As a nation, we can’t tolerate such denial which leads to hatred of a people and culture many of us know nothing about and can’t fully understand, even if they just happen to practice the faith of our enemies. Call me a coward trying to manipulate morons, but to me Islamophobia has existed for a very long time in our history which has arisen from the forces of hate, fear, and ignorance toward Muslims. And I see no reason why it should continue.

Still not convinced? Here are some links:

From The American Muslim: http://theamericanmuslim.org/tam.php/features/articles/islamophobia_incidents/0013129

From Council of American Islamic Relations: http://www.islamophobia.org/

From Islamophobia Today: http://www.islamophobiatoday.com/

From IAM: Islamophobia Awareness Month: http://iamonth.org/

College Mascots: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Second Edition)

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Of course, another big event around this time of year other than Easter and Saint Patrick’s day is March Madness. Namely this is the time of year when the best NCAA Division I basketball teams across the United States play in the NCAA Tournament. Meanwhile fans across the nation complete their brackets and predict which team will win. Of course, owing that women’s sports don’t get much airtime (rampant sexism that even Title IX can’t remedy), March Madness usually revolves around the men’s teams. However, we’re also flooded by news reports on how college sports are such a big cash cow which profit the colleges and coaches while the players receive absolutely no compensation as pawns since they’re student athletes. Nevertheless, I used this occasion to challenge myself to find 75 more abhorrent college mascots across the land after my last college mascot post. Though it took longer, I was successful in my endeavors. So without further adieu, here are more college mascots you that make your super lame mascot seem awesome. Note that not all mascots presented here are currently competing in the NCAA tournament, especially those featured in my previous mascot post in August. Hell, some aren’t even Division I do begin with. Also, go VCU Rams since my sister attends there.

1. Sparty – Michigan State University Spartans

Though more accurate Spartan warrior costume than those speedo clad guys from 300, he nevertheless gives the kind of vibe of, “I’m going to conquer your land and your people.”

Though more accurate Spartan warrior costume than those speedo clad guys from 300, he nevertheless gives the kind of vibe of, “I’m going to conquer your land and your people.”

2. George Washington – George Washington University Colonials

Possibly one of the worst renditions of the first US president I've ever seen. Kind of borders between defamatory and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, I'm sure no British soldier can shit as fast than in the sight of this monstrosity.

Possibly one of the worst renditions of the first US president I’ve ever seen. Kind of borders between defamatory and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, I’m sure no British soldier can shit as fast than in the sight of this monstrosity.

3. Big Jay – Kansas University Jayhawks

Look, I know that a Jayhawk is a made up bird solely to use as a school mascot. However, from what I see, this neither resembles a Blue Jay or a hawk of any kind. Rather it reminds me of a chicken.

Look, I know that a Jayhawk is a made up bird solely to use as a school mascot. However, from what I see, this neither resembles a Blue Jay or a hawk of any kind. Rather it reminds me of a chicken.

4. Boxer – Pacific University Boxers

Now how in the hell does this look like a boxer? Seriously, it more or less resembles a terrifying rusty gargoyle than any breed of dog. Either that, or an alien from outer space.

Now how in the hell does this look like a boxer? Seriously, it more or less resembles a terrifying rusty gargoyle than any breed of dog. Either that, or an alien from outer space.

5. Thunder – Wheaton College Mastodons

Now Wheaton College has the mastodon as its mascot mainly because they house a whole mastodon skeleton on the campus. However, Thunder's appearance makes him more suitable for a children's book than as a college mascot.

Now Wheaton College has the mastodon as its mascot mainly because some of its faculty had excavated a mastodon skeleton on a judge’s property, which is now on display at the campus. However, Thunder’s appearance makes him more suitable for a children’s book than as a college sports mascot. In short, he doesn’t live up to his name.

6. The Gull – Endicott College Gulls

Now I don't know about you but I think this Jonathan Livingston Seagull here seems to have murder on the mind from what I can tell from his face. That or he just doesn't care for photo ops for some reason.

Now I don’t know about you but I think this Jonathan Livingston Seagull here seems to have murder on the mind from what I can tell from his face. That or he just doesn’t care for photo ops for some reason.

7. Gnome Ranger – San Antonio College

Okay, this is just crazy? I mean this school's mascot is basically a garden ornament decked with western lawman garb and a red sombrero. What's even crazier is that SAC is a community college which doesn't even have an athletic program. Seriously, I checked the site no sign of extracurricular activities on there, let alone sports.

Okay, this is just crazy? I mean this school’s mascot is basically a garden ornament decked with western lawman garb and a red sombrero. What’s even crazier is that SAC is a community college which doesn’t even have an athletic program. Seriously, I checked the site no sign of extracurricular activities on there, let alone sports.

8. Shuckie and Pearl – St. Mary’s University, Texas Rattlers

To be fair, St. Mary's Texas usual mascot is Rattleman which is a blue snake with his tongue sticking out. Shuckie and Pearl are just mascots for a campus event called the Oyster Bake. Nevertheless, as to why these exist, why one is upside down while the other wears a sombrero, and why a Texas college has an event like this at all, I don't have the slightest idea.

To be fair, St. Mary’s Texas usual mascot is Rattleman which is a blue snake with his tongue sticking out. Shuckie and Pearl are just mascots for a campus event called the Oyster Bake. Nevertheless, as to why these exist, why one is upside down while the other wears a sombrero, and why a Texas college has an event like this at all, I don’t have the slightest idea.

9. Willie the Wildcat – Kansas State University Wildcats

Seems as if when it came time to design the costume, someone must've said, "How about let's save money for a full costume and just have it consist of just a scary wildcat head with a jersey instead? It'll save the college a lot of money and time in the long run." Nevertheless, I find a ferocious cat head on a person's body rather terrifying if you ask me.

Seems as if when it came time to design the costume, someone must’ve said, “How about let’s save money for a full costume and just have it consist of just a scary wildcat head with a jersey instead? It’ll save the college a lot of money and time in the long run.” Nevertheless, I find a ferocious cat head on a person’s body rather terrifying if you ask me.

10. Will D. Cat – Villanova University Wildcats

Make no mistake, this cat really makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Must be the eyes or the intensity. Still, he seems like he's about to go into a homicidal rage at any moment.

Make no mistake, this cat really makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Must be the eyes or the intensity. Still, he seems like he’s about to go into a homicidal rage at any moment.

11. Herbie Husker – University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhuskers

Okay, looking at him, you'd think he'd be the kind of western farmer type who'd probably run over you in a John Deere  or Ford pickup accident after leaving this bar. And he will show no remorse whatsoever. Now he's asking for another round of drinks.

Okay, looking at him, you’d think he’d be the kind of western farmer type who’d probably run over you in a John Deere or Ford pickup accident after leaving this bar. And he will show no remorse whatsoever. Now he’s asking for another round of drinks.

12. Rip Tide – Tulane University Green Wave

Now the pelican mascot is understandable with Tulane being in Louisiana. However, the green feathers and the crazy smile are kind of disconcerting. Also, when it came to naming it most of the college students wanted it to be, "Pecker" but it was named "Riptide" for obvious reasons.

Now the pelican mascot is understandable with Tulane being in Louisiana. However, the green feathers and the crazy smile are kind of disconcerting. Seems like he’s been to too many Mardis Gras parties in New Orleans. Also, when it came to naming it most of the college students wanted it to be, “Pecker” but it was named “Riptide” for obvious reasons.

13. Alex – Hamilton College Continentals

Looking at this creepy caricature of Alexander Hamilton, it almost makes Aaron Burr shooting him almost justifiable homicide. Man, I can't even imagine what he intends to do with that girl.

Looking at this creepy caricature of Alexander Hamilton, it almost makes Aaron Burr shooting him almost justifiable homicide. Man, I can’t even imagine what he intends to do with that girl.

14. The Explorer – La Salle University Explorers

Now there was an actual La Salle who explored and claimed the Lousiana Territory for France. This guy seems what George Armstrong Custer would look like if he dyed his hair black prior to the Battle of Little Bighorn.

Now there was an actual La Salle who explored and claimed the Lousiana Territory for France. This guy seems what George Armstrong Custer would look like if he dyed his hair black prior to the Battle of Little Bighorn.

15. Ichabod – Wasburn University Ichabods

When I hear the name "Ichabod," I don't think a badass sports time despite that Washburn's was founded by a guy with that name. Nevertheless, I expect this Ichabod would basically scare the bejesus out of the Headless Horseman on any day of the week.

When I hear the name “Ichabod,” I don’t think a badass sports time despite that Washburn’s was founded by a guy with that name. Nevertheless, I expect this Ichabod would basically scare the bejesus out of the Headless Horseman on any day of the week.

16. Bearcat – University of Cincinnati Bearcats

Now my college mascot was a bearcat but basically looked like a cougar. However, this is actually supposed to resemble a bearcat which is an animal from Southeast Asia that is neither bear nor cat. Not to mention, isn't even intimidating. Seriously, Cinci should just pick something that lives in Ohio as their mascot like a coyote.

Now my college mascot was a bearcat but basically looked like a cougar. However, this is actually supposed to resemble a bearcat which is an animal from Southeast Asia that is neither bear nor cat. Not to mention, isn’t even intimidating. Seriously, Cinci should just pick something that lives in Ohio as their mascot like a coyote.

17. John Harvard – Harvard University Crimson

So this gives me an impression that John Harvard was present at the first Thanksgiving, died of some 17th century plague or was executed for witchcraft, and rose out of his grave as a zombie. Still, you'd think a prestigious rich kid school like Harvard would have a better mascot than this.

So this gives me an impression that John Harvard was present at the first Thanksgiving, died of some 17th century plague or was executed for witchcraft, and rose out of his grave as a zombie. Still, you’d think a prestigious rich kid school like Harvard would have a better mascot than this.

18. Screamer – York College of Pennsylvania Spartans

I have to admit, Screamer does live up to his name since he seems like some sort of crazed muppet psychokiller you'd find on Sesame Street. Seriously, he seems like he's just broke out of the Sesame Street ABC mental hospital and is out to kill again.

I have to admit, Screamer does live up to his name since he seems like some sort of crazed muppet psychokiller you’d find on Sesame Street. Seriously, he seems like he’s just broke out of the Sesame Street ABC Mental Hospital for the Criminally Insane and is out to kill again.

19. Kingsman and Regal – California Lutheran University Kingsmen and Regals

Little did you know that the CLU outfits for Kingsman and Regal were originally designed for a French duo named Daft Punk. However, they thought these outfits were totally stupid. Either that, or they're probably aliens from outer space.

Little did you know that the CLU outfits for Kingsman and Regal were originally designed for a French duo named Daft Punk. However, they thought these outfits were totally stupid. Either that, or they’re probably aliens from outer space.

20. Smokey – University of Tennessee Volunteers

To be fair, Tennessee actually has a live mascot called Smokey IX of the same dog breed. However, this mascot seems less likely to rip your arm off than inspiring people to hug him.

To be fair, Tennessee actually has a live mascot called Smokey IX of the same dog breed. However, this mascot seems less likely to rip your arm off than inspiring people to hug him.

21. Bobby the Beacon – University of Massachusetts Boston Beacons

Okay, now I have 2 gripes about this one. For one, I have no idea why anyone would want their mascot to be a freaking inanimate building, lighthouse or not. Second, there's something not right about his smile. Seriously, why does this guy even exist?

Okay, now I have 2 gripes about this one. For one, I have no idea why anyone would want their mascot to be a freaking inanimate building, lighthouse or not. Second, there’s something not right about his smile. Seriously, why does this guy even exist?

22. The Green Terror – McDaniel College Green Terror

Well, he's certainly a green terror. I mean he's just as scary as hell as if from a 1950s horror movie or the Donnie Darko bunny's not so scary younger brother. Also, after this photo was taking, Angela was never seen again.

Well, he’s certainly a green terror. I mean he’s just as scary as hell as if from a 1950s horror movie or the Donnie Darko bunny’s not so scary younger brother. Also, after this photo was taking, Angela was never seen again.

23. Lord Jeff – Amherst College Lord Jeffs

This British Lord mascot creepy is beyond belief. But we have to accept that despite him being know as an Brit aristocrat and French and Indian War veteran, the real Jeffery Amherst is alleged to give blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians. Make that what you will.

This British Lord mascot creepy is beyond belief. But we have to accept that despite him being know as an Brit aristocrat and French and Indian War veteran, the real Jeffery Amherst is alleged to give blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians. Make that what you will.

24. Gompei the Goat – Worcester Polytechnic Institute Engineers

Now while some goats tend to chew on tin cans and vegetation, Gompei the Goat desires none other than the taste of human flesh since he's been infected by some mad goat disease.

Now while some goats tend to chew on tin cans and vegetation, Gompei the Goat desires none other than the taste of human flesh since he’s been infected by some mad goat disease.

25. Sammy the Owl – Rice University Owls

If this guy was in the Tootsie Pop commercials, I bed he'd devour the kid after he bites into the Tootsie Roll encrusted lollipop. Seriously, he just terrifies me if you look in his eyes.

If this guy was in the Tootsie Pop commercials, I bed he’d devour the kid after he bites into the Tootsie Roll encrusted lollipop. Seriously, he just terrifies me if you look in his eyes.

26. Albert and Alberta Gator – Florida University Gators

By the look at these, they seem like a couple of wimps who should've devoured Tim Tebow when they had the chance. Seriously, they may appear lame but they're freaking gators for God's sake.

By the look at these, they seem like a couple of wimps who should’ve devoured Tim Tebow when they had the chance. Seriously, they may appear lame but they’re freaking gators for God’s sake.

27. Andy the Ant – Missouri State University Bears

Basically he's the mascot of the college's Student Activities Council. Still, he looks more like Skeeter and Scooter's burned out brother with antennas than anything.

Basically he’s the mascot of the college’s Student Activities Council. Still, he looks more like Skeeter and Scooter’s burned out brother with antennas than anything.

28. Nick L. Mole –  California State University, Fresno Bulldogs

To be fair, Nick Mole is actually the mascot of the school's chemistry club but he does show to athletic events. He was developed to be more kid friendly. However, why the Fresno chemistry club thought they needed a mascot, I'll never know.

To be fair, Nick Mole is actually the mascot of the school’s chemistry club but he does show to athletic events. He was developed to be more kid friendly. However, why the Fresno chemistry club thought they needed a mascot, I’ll never know.

29. Kaboom – Bradley University Braves

Said to be the scariest college mascot in the country by many since he had to replace the horrid Native American mascot the college once had. However, I've seen scarier gargoyles in Disney cartoons. Besides, I don't know what the association is between gargoyles and explosives.

Said to be the scariest college mascot in the country by many since he had to replace the horrid Native American mascot the college once had. However, I’ve seen scarier gargoyles in Disney cartoons. Besides, I don’t know what the association is between gargoyles and explosives.

30. Builderman – Newport News Apprentice School Builders

Now Builderman may not come from a "college" per se but The Apprentice School is a post-secondary institution nonetheless. However, I'd hate to see him on the bleachers with the kiddies. But why a vocational school should have a mascot, I have no idea.

Now Builderman may not come from a “college” per se but The Apprentice School is a post-secondary institution nonetheless. However, I’d hate to see him on the bleachers with the kiddies. But why a vocational school should have a mascot, I have no idea.

31. Butch T. Cougar – Washington State University Cougars

While I can agree he's a cougar, I'm not sure if I'd call him butch. Seriously, he seems like he has issues with his masculinity or something. Also, quite dopey and not very intimidating.

While I can agree he’s a cougar, I’m not sure if I’d call him butch. Seriously, he seems like he has issues with his masculinity or something. Also, quite dopey and not very intimidating.

32. The Tiger – Clemson University Tigers

Seems like Clemson doesn't administer drug tests for their mascot candidates. I mean the Tiger certainly has eyes of someone who's totally high on brown acid or crystal meth.

Seems like Clemson doesn’t administer drug tests for their mascot candidates. I mean the Tiger certainly has eyes of someone who’s totally high on brown acid or crystal meth.

33. Big Al – Alabama University Crimson Tide

Now the Crimson Tide is actually a nice team nickname for a college, especially one like Alabama. However, why the school thought they needed a dopey elephant as their mascot, I have no idea. Seriously, elephants aren't crimson and don't even live in Alabama. And this guy seems more appropriate for a children's book.

Now the Crimson Tide is actually a nice team nickname for a college, especially one like Alabama. However, why the school thought they needed a dopey elephant as their mascot, I have no idea. Seriously, elephants aren’t crimson and don’t even live in Alabama. And this guy seems more appropriate for a children’s book.

34. Cosmo the Cougar – Brigham Young University Cougars

Of course, if I was a parent, I'd certainly not want this mascot near my kids. Reminds me of some depraved freak you might see at some furry convention, possibly on some Sex Offender List of some sort.

Of course, if I was a parent, I’d certainly not want this mascot near my kids. Reminds me of some depraved freak you might see at some furry convention, possibly on some Sex Offender List of some sort.

35. King Triton – University of California San Diego Tritons

Not to be confused with Ariel's dad from The Little Mermaid who's also King Triton. However, why this guy has white hair but washboard abs, I have no idea. Also, seems kind of skeevy by the looks of him.

Not to be confused with Ariel’s dad from The Little Mermaid who’s also King Triton. However, why this guy has white hair but washboard abs, I have no idea. Also, seems kind of skeevy by the looks of him.

36. Big Red – Dension University Big Red

Sure he's a buzzard but he doesn't seem at all intimidating as the possible Native American mascot he replaced. But he loves to lounge around. Also, he seems to resemble a crane than a buzzard or an alien from outer space.

Sure he’s a buzzard but he doesn’t seem at all intimidating as the possible Native American mascot he replaced. But he loves to lounge around. Also, he seems to resemble a crane than a buzzard or an alien from outer space.

37. Denver Boone – University of Denver Pioneers

Now Boone was the official mascot for DU until he was forced to retire in 1998 over concerns that he represented the Western extinction of Native American culture. He now serves in an unofficial capacity. Still, controversial or not, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near him.

Now Boone was the official mascot for DU until he was forced to retire in 1998 over concerns that he represented the Western extinction of Native American culture. He now serves in an unofficial capacity. Still, controversial or not, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near him.

38. Gus the Gorilla – Pittsburg State University Gorillas

Now despite the name, this is a Kansas school. However, a mascot that has a guy in a gorilla suit may be intimidating but is very hard to take seriously. Doesn't seem too happy in this picture and his shirt is too small.

Now despite the name, this is a Kansas school. However, a mascot that has a guy in a gorilla suit may be intimidating but is very hard to take seriously. Doesn’t seem too happy in this picture and his shirt is too small.

39. The Duke – Duquesne University Dukes

Now Duquesne was named after a French Marquis who died during the French and Indian War. Still, seems like he's a creepy yet entitled rich guy who thinks asking for welfare is a sin. Sorry, Mom, buy your alma mater mascot sucks.

Now Duquesne was named after a French Marquis who died during the French and Indian War. Still, seems like he’s a creepy yet entitled rich guy who thinks asking for welfare is a sin. Sorry, Mom, buy your alma mater mascot sucks.

40. Sammy Bearkat – Sam Houston State University Bearkats

Sammy had always aspired to be the mascot of Doritos since he had the orange fur nailed flat. But after being rejected by Frito Lay for drug use, decided to be a mascot for SHSU instead.

Sammy had always aspired to be the mascot of Doritos since he had the orange fur nailed flat. But after being rejected by Frito Lay for drug use, decided to be a mascot for SHSU instead.

41. Phlash the Phoenix – University of Wisconsin Green Bay Phoenix

It seems that Phlash the Phoenix obtained his green color after perishing and being reborn after a severe nuclear accident. Still, when it comes to phoenixes, Phlash is kind of on the wuss side, big time.

It seems that Phlash the Phoenix obtained his green color after perishing and being reborn after a severe nuclear accident. Still, when it comes to phoenixes, Phlash is kind of on the wuss side, big time.

42. Ben and John – Franklin & Marshall College Diplomats

These two remind me less of Benjamin Franklin and John Marshall and more like a younger but creepier Colonial American Statler and Waldorf. Their eyes reveal they are dead inside and hungry for your soul.

These two remind me less of Benjamin Franklin and John Marshall and more like a younger but creepier Colonial American Statler and Waldorf. Their eyes reveal they are dead inside and hungry for your soul.

43. Camel – Connecticut College Camels

Now a camel mascot is lame enough. But this one seems to have a Loch Ness elongated neck really makes it seem like a terrifying monster. Also the green balloons don't help his case.

Now a camel mascot is lame enough. But this one seems to have a Loch Ness elongated neck really makes it seem like a terrifying monster. Also the green balloons don’t help his case.

44. The Griffin – College of William and Mary Tribe

Fantasy creature hybrid of an eagle and a lion which doesn't make any sense as well as seems like the kind of mascot a college had to adopt after their Indian mascot was deemed offensive.

Fantasy creature hybrid of an eagle and a lion which doesn’t make any sense as well as seems like the kind of mascot a college had to adopt after their Indian mascot was deemed offensive. Seriously, William and Mary’s sports team is the Tribe whereas the Griffin is a Middle Eastern mythological creature. A hawk would’ve been a better choice.

45. General Herkimer – Herkimer County Community College

Sure he was named after a Revolutionary War general but there's just something disturbing about him for some reason, perhaps of the used car salesman variety. I just can't name it off the top of my head.

Sure he was named after a Revolutionary War general but there’s just something disturbing about him for some reason, perhaps of the used car salesman variety. I just can’t name it off the top of my head.

46. Herky the Hawk – University of Iowa Hawkeyes

Now Herky is a fine menacing hawk as a mascot. However, I think the helmet is just a bit too much so to speak. I don't know.

Now Herky is a fine menacing hawk as a mascot. However, I think the helmet is just a bit too much so to speak and the heat looks so unnatural. I don’t know.

47. Aubie the Tiger – Auburn University Tigers

Now I know that tigers are supposed to be pierce. But this one seems bound to lose to Tigger in a fight despite the latter is a character in a Disney cartoon. Also, refuses to appear on ESPN probably because he doesn't want anyone to make fun of him.

Now I know that tigers are supposed to be pierce. But this one seems bound to lose to Tigger in a fight despite the latter is a character in a Disney cartoon. Also, refuses to appear on ESPN probably because he doesn’t want anyone to make fun of him.

48. Killian – Iona College Gaels

If he was a mascot for Notre Dame, he would've been perfect. However, as a mascot for Iona College, he seems like a burly man of Gaelic-Irish descent who's about to rob us blind. Really bad Irish stereotyping on the school's part.

If he was a mascot for Notre Dame, he would’ve been perfect. However, as a mascot for Iona College, he seems like a burly man of Gaelic-Irish descent who’s about to rob us blind. Really bad Irish stereotyping on the school’s part.

49. Joe Vandal – University of Idaho Vandals

Probably has a tendency to be mistaken for a Viking despite the helmet design that states that, "All Germanic Dark Ages invaders are all alike." Also, would you trust a guy named "Joe Vandal" with your things? No.

Probably has a tendency to be mistaken for a Viking despite the helmet design that states that, “All Germanic Dark Ages invaders are all alike.” Also, would you trust a guy named “Joe Vandal” with your things? No.

50. Kangaroo – Austin College Kangaroos

For one, kangaroos live in Australia and don't frequent Austin City Limits. Second, this one seems like a freaky dope on acid or something. I mean it just seems like something's not right. Third, it has a pouch but I'm not sure if it's male or female because so many guy kangaroos have been depicted with them.

For one, kangaroos live in Australia and don’t frequent Austin City Limits. Second, this one seems like a freaky dope on acid or something. I mean it just seems like something’s not right. Third, it has a pouch but I’m not sure if it’s male or female because so many guy kangaroos have been depicted with them.

51. Lance Lute – Pacific Lutheran University Lutes

Now this knight in shining armor makes a perfectly fine mascot. However, I have to complain to the college on what the hell kind of name is Lance Lute? Seriously, why?

Now this knight in shining armor makes a perfectly fine mascot. However, I have to complain to the college on what the hell kind of name is Lance Lute? It’s a stupid name. Seriously, why?

52. Lobo Louie and Lucy – University of New Mexico Lobos

I don't know what these two coyotes are on but they seem to be regular customers of some genius chemistry teacher from Albuquerque. They particularly loved his blue variety and have a preference for Los Pollos Hermanos chicken.

I don’t know what these two coyotes are on but they seem to be regular customers of some genius chemistry teacher from Albuquerque. They particularly loved his blue variety and have a preference for Los Pollos Hermanos chicken.

53. Privateer Pete – State University of New York Maritime Privateers

"Hello, I'm an upper class twit who likes to rob stuff from cargo ships and sell them on the shore. Look at my awesome suit and cravat, bitches."

“Hello, I’m an upper class twit who likes to rob stuff from cargo ships and sell them on the shore. Look at my awesome suit and cravat, bitches. Also, despite how fresh water is precious, I always shave.”

54. Chief Osceola – Florida State University Seminoles

Now I know that Florida State has permission from the tribe to use the name. But even so, this Native American mascot is bound to offend some people, especially if he's played by a white guy.

Now I know that Florida State has permission from the tribe to use the name. But even so, this Native American mascot is bound to offend some people, especially if he’s played by a white guy.

55. The Wombat – University of Wisconsin-Sheboygan Wombats

I guess the reason why UWS has the Wombat mascot is that nobody else had one. However, wombats are Australian marsupials who aren't known for being badass. Also, that doesn't even look like a wombat.

I guess the reason why UWS has the Wombat mascot is that nobody else had one. However, wombats are Australian marsupials who aren’t known for being badass. Also, that doesn’t even look like a wombat but something much creepier.

56. Lu Wolf – Loyola University of Chicago Wolfpack

"Just because I have a squeaky clean record doesn't mean I'm any less capable of robbing you or eating your babies. Because I am." Seems like this guy was thrown out of his pack for financially screwing over his family or some other heinous misdeed.

“Just because I have a squeaky clean record doesn’t mean I’m any less capable of robbing you or eating your babies. Because I am.” Seems like this guy was thrown out of his pack for financially screwing over his family or some other heinous misdeed.

57. The Patriot – George Mason University Patriots

I don't know about you but I don't think our Founding Fathers took to face painting during the American Revolution, save perhaps for The Boston Tea Party and certainly not in those colors. Also, quite terrifying.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think our Founding Fathers took to face painting during the American Revolution, save perhaps for The Boston Tea Party and certainly not in those colors. Also, quite terrifying.

58. Swoop – University of Utah Utes

I know he's supposed to replace the previous Native American mascot who was drummed out for various reasons. Still, I can't tell whether Swoop is supposed to be a hawk or a vulture. Either way, he'll sure love the taste of human flesh which has resulted in many disappearances at Ute games.

I know he’s supposed to replace the previous Native American mascot who was drummed out for various reasons. Still, I can’t tell whether Swoop is supposed to be a hawk or a vulture. Either way, he’ll sure love the taste of human flesh which has resulted in many disappearances at Ute games.

59. Milo the Lynx – University of Colorado Denver Lynx

Now this cat seems like he's woken up on the wrong side of the bed and is really not in the mood for a photo op at all. Also, after this photo, Alicia was found to be brutally mauled afterwards. The culprit has never been caught.

Now this cat seems like he’s woken up on the wrong side of the bed and is really not in the mood for a photo op at all. Also, after this photo, Alicia was found to be brutally mauled afterwards. The culprit has never been caught.

60. Aztec Warrior – San Diego State University Aztecs

Seems like San Diego is going with a Native American mascot known to offend Indians and Mexicans alike as well as was notorious for committing large numbers of human sacrifices consisting of captives in battle.

Seems like San Diego is going with a Native American mascot known to offend Indians and Mexicans alike as well as was notorious for committing large numbers of human sacrifices consisting of captives in battle. Controversial? I’ll say.

61. Polar Bear – Bowdoin College Polar Bears

Now this school has been known to produce alumni like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Admiral Robert Peary, General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, and Dr. Alfred Kinsey. However, its mascot is basically a polar bear which is from the North Pole and seems like it could appear in a children's book. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain would've made a better choice.

Now this school has been known to produce alumni like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Admiral Robert Peary, General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, and Dr. Alfred Kinsey. However, its mascot is basically a polar bear which is from the North Pole and seems like it could appear in a children’s book. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain would’ve made a better choice.

62. Oswald the Penguin – Clark College Penguins

Not only is this not an intimidating mascot and is quite freaky with a tie, it also shares a name with the Penguin from Batman who's also called Oswald. Seriously, I think the Penguin from Batman would've been a better mascot choice here.

Not only is this not an intimidating mascot and is quite freaky with a tie, it also shares a name with the Penguin from Batman who’s also called Oswald. Seriously, I think the Penguin from Batman would’ve been a better mascot choice here. Still, it’s said he’s supposed to be from the Galapagos but I don’t understand what the hell he’s doing in Vancouver Washington.

63. Powercat – University of the Pacific Tigers

Or as I call him, "Soulless Eyes Cat Willing to Devour You." Seriously, this tiger gives me the creeps as if he sees a coed as a potential meal or a virgin sacrifice.

Or as I call him, “Soulless Eyes Cat Willing to Devour You.” Seriously, this tiger gives me the creeps as if he sees a coed as a potential meal or a virgin sacrifice.

64. The Anchorman – Rhode Island College Anchormen

Somebody get Ron Burgundy right away so he can replace this creepy sailor who seems likely to go homicidal any minute now. Seriously, this guy is just terrifying.

Somebody get Ron Burgundy right away so he can replace this creepy sailor who seems likely to go homicidal any minute now. Seriously, this guy is just terrifying and will make babies scream.

65. Red Raider- Texas Tech University Red Raiders

Or as I call him, Yosemite Sam's estranged and less successful brother who has the exact same rage issues. But at least he likes wearing white and whipping out his pistols. But he's unhappy that he doesn't get to shoot anyone in the audience.

Or as I call him, Yosemite Sam’s estranged and less successful brother who has the exact same rage issues. But at least he likes wearing white and whipping out his pistols. But he’s unhappy that he doesn’t get to shoot anyone in the audience.

66. Rudy Flyer – University of Dayton Flyers

To be fair, this is an appropriate mascot since Dayton was the hometown of the Wright Brothers. However, the fact he keeps his goggles on gives me the impression he's a mad scientist in his spare time.

To be fair, this is an appropriate mascot since Dayton was the hometown of the Wright Brothers. However, the fact he keeps his goggles on gives me the impression he’s a mad scientist in his spare time.

67. Molly Ann – Southern Arkansas University Muleriders

Yes, the Muleriders do exist. However, mules are basically sterile hybrids of donkey dads and horse moms and I'm sure nobody would want to ride one. Also, I hope she's not weighing the mule down, if it is one.

Yes, the Muleriders do exist. However, mules are basically sterile hybrids of donkey dads and horse moms and I’m sure nobody would want to ride one. Also, I hope she’s not weighing the mule down, if it is one.

68. Scrappy the Mockingbird – University of Tennessee Chattanooga Mocs

Scrappy is supposed to be a mockingbird but he certainly doesn't look like one. In fact, he kind of reminds me of some sort of ugly buzzard or something. Then again, all bird mascots seem to resemble birds of prey these days, even those that are certainly not supposed to be.

Scrappy is supposed to be a mockingbird but he certainly doesn’t look like one. In fact, he kind of reminds me of some sort of ugly buzzard or something. Then again, all bird mascots seem to resemble birds of prey these days, even those that are certainly not supposed to be.

69. Temoc – University of Texas Dallas Comets

Even with flaming red hair and Cheshire cat grin, Temoc couldn't overcome his chronic lameness as a mascot since he looked too much of a reject from Sesame Street. Of course, he didn't get in due to his addiction to blue meth.

Even with flaming red hair and Cheshire cat grin, Temoc couldn’t overcome his chronic lameness as a mascot since he looked too much of a reject from Sesame Street. Of course, he didn’t get in due to his addiction to blue meth.

70. Pirate – Seton Hall Pirates

Now there's nothing wrong with a school having a pirate mascot. However, a pirate mascot with a blue and white painted face? What the fuck? Seriously, why? Looks like an angry smurf.

Now there’s nothing wrong with a school having a pirate mascot. However, a pirate mascot with a blue and white painted face? What the fuck? Seriously, why? Looks like an angry smurf.

71. Spirit the Seawolf – University of Alaska Anchorage Seawolves

Just because something looks good on a totem pole as indigenous art, doesn't mean it will make a good mascot. Sure he's supposed to be a seawolf but it seems like he seems to be an offspring of the Loch Ness Monster and a Mustang.

Just because something looks good on a totem pole as indigenous art, doesn’t mean it will make a good mascot. Sure he’s supposed to be a seawolf but it seems like he seems to be an offspring of the Loch Ness Monster and a Mustang.

72. Matty the Matador – California State University Northridge Matadors

I'm sure this guy isn't meant to offend Hispanics despite creepiness. However, I have to admit a school with a mascot of a profession known for committing acts of bovine cruelty is certainly not going to score brownie points with PETA.

I’m sure this guy isn’t meant to offend Hispanics despite creepiness. However, I have to admit a school with a mascot of a profession known for committing acts of bovine cruelty is certainly not going to score brownie points with PETA.

73. Vili the Warrior – University of Hawaii Manoa

Okay, now I'm sure Hawaii has a lot of Polynesians in the area. But I can't help that he seems to embody the offensive savage native sacrifice your white women persona as I see it. I'm not sure if he's still the school's mascot or not.

Okay, now I’m sure Hawaii has a lot of Polynesians in the area. But I can’t help that he seems to embody the offensive savage native sacrifice your white women persona as I see it. I’m not sure if he’s still the school’s mascot or not to be honest.

74. Hey Reb – University of Nevada Las Vegas Rebels

For one, having a Confederate mascot in Nevada makes absolutely no sense even if your team is named the rebels. Second, he looks as if he's Yosemite Sam's virulently racist old man when you look at the angry scowl and mustache. Third, is that blood on his hands?

For one, having a Confederate mascot in Nevada makes absolutely no sense even if your team is named the rebels. Second, he looks as if he’s Yosemite Sam’s virulently racist old man when you look at the angry scowl and mustache. Third, is that blood on his hands?

75. Terrier – Wofford College Terriers

Now I know that mascots are supposed to bring school spirit and cheer. But no matter how you look at him, this mascot seems quite grim and defunct of all positive energy even in photo ops. Really can use some anti-depressants if you know what I mean. That, or anger management.

Now I know that mascots are supposed to bring school spirit and cheer. But no matter how you look at him, this mascot seems quite grim and defunct of all positive energy even in photo ops. Really can use some anti-depressants if you know what I mean. That, or anger management.

Strange Easter Traditions Around the World

Easter-Cross-And-Lilies-Wallpaper

As with Christmas, Easter is celebrated around the world as well since it’s also a religious holiday. So while some countries celebrate Easter, others may not even among Christians who might consider it too pagan like the Quakers, Puritans, and Jehovah Witnesses. Now also like Christmas, no two countries celebrate Easter the same way possibly due to seasonal patterns, old traditions, and other factors. And sometimes with American eyes, many of these traditions may seem strange. Not to mention, Easter didn’t really become a mainstream secular holiday until recently but students don’t get as many days off. Nevertheless, here are some of the strange Easter traditions you may see from around the world.

1. Czech Republic and Slovakia

Women living in some parts of Eastern Europe should expect to get their asses whipped by the fellas this Easter since it's said that such actions make them healthy and beautiful. Yeah, I know what outsiders are thinking.

Women living in some parts of Eastern Europe should expect to get their asses whipped by the fellas this Easter since it’s said that such actions make them healthy and beautiful. Yeah, I know what outsiders are thinking.

If you’re a woman living in either of these countries, expect to be chased around by men hitting with handmade whips this Easter Monday. Of course, those who aren’t into BDSM shouldn’t be disappointed because they’re not intended to be painful. It’s also believed that whipping women on Easter is supposed to make them more healthy and beautiful.

2. Finland

Those visiting the Nordic countries might wonder whether the Scandinavians, Icelanders, and Finns have gotten their Easter mixed up with Halloween since they have bonfires as well as kids dressed as witches going door to door for candy. But no, it's just their tradition.

Those visiting the Nordic countries might wonder whether the Scandinavians, Icelanders, and Finns have gotten their Easter mixed up with Halloween since they have bonfires as well as kids dressed as witches going door to door for candy. But no, it’s just their tradition.

It’s a popular superstition in Finland that all Finnish witches fly down to Germany to party with the devil on Easter. This has given rise to the tradition of children dressing up as witches with broomsticks hanging around their necks and wander around door to door to ask for treats. They also lit bonfires to keep satanic forces away that supposedly roam around this day. So Easter in Finland is kind of like Halloween. In Sweden, little girls take part in this tradition on April 30th known as Walburgis night as well as in Denmark where the children give out willow branches in exchange for candy. Another Easter tradition in Finland is watching grass grow to signify the start of spring. Once mature, children would decorate it with painted eggs and paper bunnies.

3. Russia

While the US and Germany have chocolate bunnies, those in Russia have the the Easter lamb made from butter since it's believe Satan can't transform as one. But eating a butter lamb can leave to high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease.

While the US and Germany have chocolate bunnies, those in Russia have the the Easter lamb made from butter since it’s believe Satan can’t transform as one. But eating a butter lamb can leave to high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease.

Instead of chocolate bunnies, Russians usually dig into a large piece of butter that’s in the shape of a lamb. This tradition is based on the religious idea that lambs are lucky since they’re the only animals whose form Satan couldn’t take.

4. Papua New Guinea

In this tropical country, you will find trees outside churches decorated with sticks of tobacco and cigarettes in the days leading to Easter. After the Easter Sunday church services, smokes are handed out and everyone lights up.

5. France

Every Easter in Haux, the villagers gather all their eggs to put in a large frying pan in the square. The result is perhaps the world's largest omelet.

Every Easter in Haux, the villagers gather all their eggs to put in a large frying pan in the square. The result is perhaps the world’s largest omelet.

On Easter Monday, people in the town of Haux gather together taking all the eggs from their houses and bringing them to the town square. There, they put their eggs in a massive pan used to cook a giant omelet that could feed 1,000 people and contains over 4,500 eggs.

6. New Zealand

While the US has a furry, cute Easter Bunny bringing children eggs, in New Zealand it's rabbit season with the Great Bunny Hunt. Some 20,000 bunnies are killed a year in New Zealand on Easter. They probably should just stick to Orcs.

While the US has a furry, cute Easter Bunny bringing children eggs, in New Zealand it’s rabbit season with the Great Bunny Hunt. Some 20,000 bunnies are killed a year in New Zealand on Easter. They probably should just stick to Orcs.

While the US has the cute, furry, Easter Bunny, if there’s a place Peter Cottontail should avoid this Easter, New Zealand would be it. And it’s not because of Orcs. Because on Easter, New Zealanders go out to hunt rabbits with a prize of $NZ 3,500 to who kills the most bunnies. Every year as many 20,000 rabbits are killed in this country.

7. Poland

One Easter Sunday, men aren’t allowed to cook or even stand in the kitchen or else his mustache will go gray and the Easter bread dough will fail to rise. They also believe that swallowing a willow catkin from a branch consecrated by a priest would bring health.

As for processions on Good Friday, Polish miners don ceremonial uniforms and at the Wieliczka Salt Mine where they perform the Underground Way of the Holy Cross. They march to an underground salt monument of Pope John Paul II in the underground Kinga Chapel, a place he once visited.

8. Hungary

In other parts of Eastern Europe women in traditional garb should expect to be doused by water on their way to their Easter Sunday mass. Priests should expect wet pews in their churches.

In other parts of Eastern Europe women in traditional garb should expect to be doused by water on their way to their Easter Sunday mass. Priests should expect wet pews in their churches.

On Easter, women dress in traditional garb for Sunday Mass while men jump out and pour buckets of water at them as part of a “purifying ritual.”

9. Australia

Instead of an Easter Bunny, Australia has an Easter Bilby which is a native endangered marsupial that resembles a mouse. Also, they hate rabbits which they consider pests.

Instead of an Easter Bunny, Australia has an Easter Bilby which is a native endangered marsupial that resembles a mouse. Also, they hate rabbits which they consider pests.

While the US has the Easter Bunny, Australia has the Easter Bilby bringing the eggs. One of the reasons behind this change is to create awareness of the bilby which is an endangered species. Also, there’s a strong dislike for bunnies which are considered pests that destroy crops.

10. Colombia

For their Easter dinner, instead of eggs and chocolate, the Colombians dine on iguana, turtles, and big rodents.

11. Germany

Instead of hiding their colored eggs, the Germans hang their decorated eggs out in the open on trees for all to see. Seems like the Germans have to have trees for everything.

Instead of hiding their colored eggs, the Germans hang their decorated eggs out in the open on trees for all to see. Seems like the Germans have to have trees for everything.

While children in other countries look for hidden Easter eggs, the Germans display their Easter eggs are displayed on trees and prominently in the streets. Some will have thousands of multi colored eggs hanged on them. This might be that these symbolize new life and the resurrection. They also burn their Christmas trees on Easter Sunday and eat a lot of green foods and spinach on Holy Thursday.

Germany is also home to the Oberammergau Passion Play in the village that bears its name which is performed every 10 years from May to October starting at 9:30 a.m. and continuing with a 12:15-3:00 p. m. lunch break before finally finishing at 6:00 p.m. However, the villagers do this as a thank you from God for saving them from a plague in 1633 and put a large painting of Jesus to show this. But nearly everyone in the village takes part in the play either as one of the actors or behind the scenes, making clothes and props to run it. Still, this play is very popular all over the world that bookings take place for many years before the play is performed.

12. Greece

While some countries have multi colored eggs, in Greece the eggs are only painted red to represent the blood of Christ and used for making Easter bread as well as banged on their neighbor’s heads.

In the town of Corfu, it’s tradition for the people to throw out their crockery and pots out the window on Easter Saturday. We’re not sure why they do this. Some say it’s to symbolize the rejection of Judas. Others think it’s simply the exuberance of having a smashing time after the penitential season of Lent. There are other theories of symbolism such as getting rid of evil or the change of seasons in which the old pots of last year’s harvest are exchanged for new ones. Some think it’s adopted from the old Venetian tradition of throwing out one’s winter things for new ones for spring.

In the Greek village of Vrontados, Easter is celebrated with a fireworks war between the two Greek Orthodox parishes. Parishioners make their own rockets for this. Of course, it attracts thousands of tourists.

In the Greek village of Vrontados, Easter is celebrated with a fireworks war between the two Greek Orthodox parishes. Parishioners make their own rockets for this. Of course, it attracts thousands of tourists.

In the village of Vrontados on the island of Chios, the two Orthodox churches face off every Easter with parishioners making their own rockets and teenagers leading the war against each other. It’s said to be a century old tradition which apparently started when some Greek villagers tried to scare away the Turkish army using fireworks. Some say that it started when some Greek sailors met Chinese men who taught them how to make fireworks. Anyway thousands of rockets are used and it attracts tourists every year on Easter, boosting the town’s economy.

13. Ethiopia

On the Easter festival, the people of Ethiopia celebrate a noble feast featuring a large loaf of sourdough bread called, “Dabo.” During the day, visitors are greeted with a slice of “Dabo” to honor the crucifixion of Christ. They also wear white to exemplify purity and display headbands from palm leaves which symbolize the palm leaves Jesus’s followers greeted him with during his passage into Jerusalem before his crucifixion.

14. Switzerland

For Easter, the Swiss have an age old tradition of decorating the fountains with spring flowers and colored eggs, which creates a rather stunning sight.

For Easter, the Swiss have an age old tradition of decorating the fountains with spring flowers and colored eggs, which creates a rather stunning sight.

The Frankonian Swiss have an old Easter tradition of decorating wells with painted eggs and spring flowers to celebrate the gift of life.

Switzerland is not a fan of the Easter Bunny so the Easter Cuckoo is credited with bringing children eggs instead. Yet, they still sell chocolate bunnies though.

15. Great Britain

In the town of Bacup in Northern England, Easter Saturday is celebrated with the Nutter’s Dance which has been performed since the 18th century. It’s said to originate with Moorish sailors who somehow ended up in the area but why it’s performed on Easter Saturday, there’s no explanation. It’s a strange dance led by a Whiffer (or Whipper In), who cracks a whip to drive away evil spirits represented by a group of men with blackened faces in red, black, and white costumes and neck garlands.

The English village of Hallaton in Lancashire where the villagers play a game called bottle kicking which is a no rules rugby game played with barrels. Ambulances stand by for this due to obvious reasons.

The English village of Hallaton in Lancashire where the villagers play a game called bottle kicking which is a no rules rugby game played with barrels. Ambulances stand by for this due to obvious reasons.

The village of Hallaton in Leicestershire celebrates Easter with a game of bottle kicking which is essentially a no rules rugby game played with 3 beer barrels and a pitch spread over a mile of cross country land. Ambulances are on standby every year there.

On Holy Thursday, it was once used as the day when the monarchs showed their humility and washed the poor’s feet. It was symbolic of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples, though only a select few poor got their feet washed. However, this was later changed with the ascension of the Protestant William and Mary in 1689. Nowadays the Queen just gives out money, usually the same amount as her age.

During the Easter season, the English village of Hungerford has what’s known as the Hockside festival. This begins each year when the new police constable blows his horn calling all men to the Hockside court. Two men are selected and they parade through the streets giving women oranges in exchange for kisses.

Another English Easter tradition is Morris dancing which involves guys dancing in ribbons, clogs, and sometimes funny hats. According to Blackadder, it's a very lame dance and one he doesn't like.

Another English Easter tradition is Morris dancing which involves guys dancing in ribbons, clogs, and sometimes funny hats. According to Blackadder, it’s a very lame dance and one he doesn’t like.

Britain also celebrates Easter with an Easter egg roll in which people try to roll colored hardboiled eggs on a hill. While this has taken hold in countries like the US, the Brits tend to be pretty competitive about it. Other strange Easter customs include Pace Egg plays mostly depicting Saint George and the dragon as well as Morris dancing which is an English folk dance said to originate through druidic rites but is better known to Americans as being mercilessly ripped on the first season of Blackadder. Let’s just say the Great Britain has a lot of strange Easter traditions and leave it at that.

16. Norway

On Easter in Norway, most of the businesses and public services are closed while the day is devoted to crime stories that even the milk cartons have their own mysteries on them.

On Easter in Norway, most of the businesses and public services are closed while the day is devoted to crime stories that even the milk cartons have their own mysteries on them.

In Norway, Easter is a 5 day bank holiday in which all the businesses close save the grocery store on the Saturday before. During this time Norwegians celebrate by reading crime novels known as Påskekrimmen as well as watching crime thrillers on TV. There are even mystery stories on milk cartons and magazines. Of course, why Norwegians celebrate Easter with this crime stuff is just one of those mysteries.

17. Netherlands, Belgium, and France

While Americans have the Easter Bunny, France, Belgium, and the Netherlands have the Easter Bells which is said to depart from the churches to Rome on Holy Week only to come back bringing eggs and candies for the kids. Seems like something from a bad acid trip doesn't it? But I'm not making this up.

While Americans have the Easter Bunny, France, Belgium, and the Netherlands have the Easter Bells which is said to depart from the churches to Rome on Holy Week only to come back bringing eggs and candies for the kids. Seems like something from a bad acid trip doesn’t it? But I’m not making this up.

In these countries, it’s said that the church bells fly to Rome for a few days on Holy Week and only return on Easter morning bringing back colored eggs and chocolate rabbits. It’s said the tradition started because all church bells are silent as a sign of mourning Jesus for several days before Easter. In the Netherlands and Flemish speaking Belgium, the bells fly away on Holy Saturday. In France and French speaking Belgium on Holy Thursday. Either way, replacing Santa Claus with metal bells seems like a bad acid trip to those who may never heard of it. Seriously, I’m not making this up.

18. Greece, Spain, Portugal, and Mexico as well as Latin America

A big tradition in Catholic and Orthodox countries is Judas burning in which an effigy of Judas is tried, hanged, and burned. While it's under fire for being anti-Semitic, people also burn effigies of politicians they don't like as well.

A big tradition in Catholic and Orthodox countries is Judas burning in which an effigy of Judas is tried, hanged, and burned. While it’s under fire for being anti-Semitic, people also burn effigies of politicians they don’t like as well.

In some communities in these countries, it’s customary to burn an effigy of Judas on Easter, typically depicted as hung by the neck after a fake trial. Sometimes they’d make effigies of unpopular politicians and filling the Judas effigy with fireworks. It was once practiced all over Europe before it went into decline due to it’s possible association with being called, “the burning of the Jew,” especially in Latin America. However, the Orthodox Church has since defended the practice.

19. Philippines

In the Philippines, it's not unusual pn Holy Week for some devout Catholic men to show their adoration for Christ through self-crucifixion and self-flagellation. Yes, this is insane that even the Roman Catholic Church has tried to discourage the practice there but to no avail.

In the Philippines, it’s not unusual pn Holy Week for some devout Catholic men to show their adoration for Christ through self-crucifixion and self-flagellation. Yes, this is insane that even the Roman Catholic Church has tried to discourage the practice there but to no avail. Please don’t try this at home.

In the Philippines, many devout Catholics practice self-crucifixion on Easter replicating Jesus’s suffering. The idea behind this act of insanity was this morbid ritual is to help watch the sins of the world and self-purification. The Roman Catholic Church tried to discourage this for obvious reasons but with little success. It’s also said that it’s just one manifestation of old Filipino religions that require self-flagellation. Other theories suggest it sprang out of a misinterpretation of St. Paul’s Romans 8:13, “If you live after the flesh, you shall die, but if through the spirit you mortify the deeds of the flesh, you shall live.” Of course, while some people may equate self-mortification with purification, I’d suggest you don’t try this at home, please.

20. Bermuda

Bermudans celebrate Good Friday with flying homemade kites, as well as eating codfish cakes and hot cross buns. It’s said that the tradition started when a local teacher from the British Army had difficulty explaining Christ’s ascension to his Sunday school class and made a kite to illustrate it as a result. They also hold kite contests as well.

21.Haiti

In Hati, Holy Week is celebrated with a mixture of Catholic and Voodoo traditions such as colorful parades and traditional “rara” music played on bamboo trumpets, maracas, drums, and coffee cans. Voodoo believers would make pilgrimages to the village of Souvenance, showing devotion to the spirits with drumming, chanting, and animal sacrifices.

22. Europe

In parts of Northwestern Europe, a key tradition is lighting up huge bonfires called Easter Fires on Easter Sunday and Monday. A most common explanation for this is said to originate with the Saxons as a tale of how spring triumphs over winter. However, today it just brings communities together with heavy consumption of lager, gin, and snacks. Egg tapping or knocking is also popular.

23. Cyprus

While the people of Cyprus also paint and hide eggs on Easter for the younger children to find, teenage boys follow this up with a rather violent contest of scouring for scraps of wood to use on a communal bonfire. The neighborhood with the largest bonfire at the end of the day gets the Easter bragging rights until next year. However, since there’s a limited supply of scraps among the teenage boys, it’s not uncommon for police being called in breaking fights over wood scraps or to help put out out-of-control bonfires.

24. Italy

In Florence, Easter is celebrated with a Rube Goldberg machine being carried on a cart, stuffed with explosives, and being set on fire. The result is a 20 minute fireworks show that would make Michael Bay weep.

In Florence, Easter is celebrated with a Rube Goldberg machine being carried on a cart, stuffed with explosives, and being set on fire. The result is a 20 minute fireworks show that would make Michael Bay weep.

In Florence, Easter is celebrated with building a Rube Goldberg machine containing shards from the Holy Sepulchre to symbolize the resurrection of Jesus. Called “the holy fire,” it’s placed on a candle as well as dragged through the streets on a massive cart which is over 30ft tall and has been used for well over 300 years before reaching its destination where priests and local officials carry it to the cathedral square. Once there, it’s stuffed with explosives and topped with a fuse and a fake dove when everything is ready. The Cardinal of Florence sets the fake dove ablaze while the bells of Giotto’s campanile ring out to signal that the show is about to start. What follows is 20 minutes of nonstop explosions in the city’s cathedral which would send Michael Bay weeping with adulation. If everything goes according to plan, then the fireworks signify a year of good harvests and successful business.

In Rome on Good Friday, the Pope commemorates the Via Crucis (Way of the Cross) at the Colosseum. During this a huge cross with burning torches illuminates the sky as the 14 Stations of the Cross are described in several languages. However, Americans unfamiliar with this ritual and this significance might interpret this tradition quite differently and with great offense, especially since they’re more likely to link giant burning crosses with white supremacist violence against African Americans. On Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday, Mass is celebrated with thousands of visitors in St. Peter’s Square to

25. Spain

On Holy Thursday, the streets of Verges set the stage for the macabre “Dansa de la Mort” or “Dance of Death.” In a procession traveling through the town, 5 people dress up in skeletons grab the lime light as they move to the sound of drum beats. Each skeleton carries different items with one holding a scythe, a clock without hands, and a banner warning that death could come at any time while two carry a box of ashes. Not the kind of warm sunny Easter most of us would imagine.

Relax, NAACP, these are just Catholic brotherhoods dressed in their robes and hoods for the Holy Week processions in Spain, not a white supremacist Klu Klux Klan meeting. It's considered a great honor to do this. Seriously, Spanish have been doing this for far longer than KKK has been in existence. Costume similarities are purely coincidental.

Relax, NAACP, these are just Catholic brotherhoods dressed in their robes and hoods for the Holy Week processions in Spain, not a white supremacist Klu Klux Klan meeting. There’s a lot of pride taking part in the Spanish Easter festivities that Antonio Banderas joins his brotherhood in his hometown every year. Seriously, Spanish have been doing this for far longer than KKK has been in existence. Costume similarities are purely coincidental.

This isn’t to say that there are a lot of Easter processions in Spain dating to the Middle Ages. This is performed by many Catholic brotherhoods wearing different colored robes to tell each other apart. However, they also don conical hoods to retain their anonymity, even though they tend to scare the bejesus out of any African American tourist and it doesn’t help that some of these take place at night under candlelight. The music tends to vary according to days consisting of mournful music accompanied by dramatic drum beats on Holy Thursday, utter silence on Good Friday, to celebratory music on Easter Sunday. Many tend to walk barefoot as well as wear shackles on their feet with brotherhoods carrying floats of different scenes related to the Passion of the Christ or the Sorrows of the Virgin Mary. And there is great pride for taking part and it’s said that Antonio Banderas travels to his Malaga hometown every year to take part in this with his brotherhood, “Tears and Favors”, becoming the star attraction.

26. Japan

Though western holidays like Halloween, Christmas, and Saint Patrick’s Day have become rather popular in Japan, Easter is relatively obscure since the country doesn’t have a lot of Christians. However, this doesn’t stop companies from organizing Easter themed promotions in the spring and sometimes even the summer. Tokyo Disneyland hosts an annual “Easter Wonderland” which sometimes runs well into June.

27. Latvia

A known tradition in Latvia is an Easter game played by children which is like conkers but with eggs. Players pair off and used hardboiled colored eggs joined together with string. Competitors bang the ends of the eggs together until one player’s egg breaks. The winner is the one with the stronger egg. Sounds a bit messy to say the least.

28. Guatemala

In Guatemala, the village streets are lined with rugs made from saw dust for the Easter procession which creates trail of powdery rainbows in their wake.

In Guatemala, the village streets are lined with rugs made from saw dust for the Easter procession which creates trail of powdery rainbows in their wake.

Each Easter in Guatemala, the people lace the streets of their villages with colorful sawdust carpets. On their way to Mass, the procession of faithful walk over the vibrant carpet leaving a trail of powdery rainbows in their wake.

29. Bulgaria

While Bulgarians decorate their Easter eggs, they’re also known to fight with them by pair. The last surviving one is called a “borak.”

30. Argentina

In Argentina, there's a kitschy theme park called Tierra Santa which is devoted to telling the story of Jesus. On Holy Week, they reenact the Passion within the parks walls. It's said to attract a lot of tourists.

In Argentina, there’s a kitschy theme park called Tierra Santa which is devoted to telling the story of Jesus. On Holy Week, they reenact the Passion within the parks walls. It’s said to attract a lot of tourists.

In Argentina, there is a kitsch theme park dedicated to telling the story of Jesus which unsurprisingly goes into overdrive on Easter. There’s a plastic Jesus that’s resurrected every hour and plastic statues depicting the Passion which is already a must see for the devout with hundreds gathering each hour to watch the statue emerge from a rocky outcrop to survey the crowds. On Easter, actors take up the role to bring the passion to life, carrying the cross through the park and being crucified by Roman soldiers. Sure it’s probably in bad taste but it’s a huge hit in Latin America nevertheless.

In Northern Argentina, there’s an elaborate carnival that begins on Ash Wednesday and lasts all through Lent. In this, mothers and grandmothers gather around a decorated arch and exchange dolls in a ceremony believed to unite women in an eternal bond. On Sunday in an Argentinian version of the Easter Parade, women dress up in colorful ruffled skirts and white hats in masks made with starch and water. Riding on horseback, they singing folksongs on their way to a dance honoring Pukllay, the Spirit of the Carnival. After the ceremony, the burn a large effigy of the Pukllay to signify the end of the celebration a la Burning Man.

31. Jamaica

While Good Friday is a somber time in the Easter season of Holy Week, it pays host to Kingston’s biggest annual street carnival complete with a parade, requisite debaucheries, and even preachers. Also predict the future with egg whites on water.

32. El Salvador

In the town of Texistepeque, there’s a ritual on Easter called “Talciguines” which is supposed to symbolize the fight between Jesus and Satan. Of course, Jesus is always the winner.

33. Wales

On Palm Sunday, the Welsh visit their relatives’ graves to lay flowers as well as stage Welsh singing contests called Gymafa Gan where choirs from various chapels in festivities take part and prominent conductors are invited.

34. United States

For 130 years, the White House has sponsored the Easter egg roll on its South Lawn, which provides a lot of activities for the kids.

For 130 years, the White House has sponsored the Easter egg roll on its South Lawn, which provides a lot of activities for the kids.

For 130 years, the White House has hosted the Easter Egg Roll on its South Lawn. This mainly consists of rolling a colored hardboiled egg with a large serving spoon. But nowadays an egg hunt is included as well along with other sports and crafts.

In Texas, the people of Fredericksburg hold an event called the Easter Fires of Fredericksburg Pageant, where the town gets together to celebrate an 1840 peace treaty with the Comanche and the significance with Easter by reinventing this story. It’s said that the Comanche would light fires in the hills of Fredericksburg to signify that there was no hostility between the settlers and the indigenous people. But as the fires burned the German immigrant children grew worried and to calm them down their parents told them that the fires were the Easter Bunny burning eggs in preparation for the festivities.

New York's Easter parade from 5th Avenue to 57th Street has a lot of fun festivities with people wearing outlandish Easter outfits and donning their wackiest Easter bonnets.

New York’s Easter parade from 5th Avenue to 57th Street has a lot of fun festivities with people wearing outlandish Easter outfits and donning their wackiest Easter bonnets.

In New York City, you have the Easter parade that dates back to the 1870s and one of the city’s most significant seasonal celebrations. It begins at the famous Fifth Avenue and finishes north up 57th street. There you’ll find visitors and New Yorkers alike done their most elaborate Easter bonnets.

In Southern Michigan, on Easter tens of thousands of marshmallows are dumped onto by helicopters and are rewarded candy afterwards. This tradition has spread to other areas.

Fun with Easter Eggs

colorful-easter-eggs-in-field-of-grass-sandra-cunningham

Of course, I couldn’t do some posts on Easter without leaving a key tradition: Easter eggs. Now while many believe that Easter eggs once traditionally celebrated as a symbol of fertility and rebirth, in Christianity, they symbolized Jesus’s empty tomb, which in its own twisted way is quite appropriate. However, many don’t know that dying and painting eggs is among one of the older Easter traditions. Most of the time they’re usually chicken eggs, mostly hard boiled. Yet, we also have eggs of plastic and chocolate as well. Of course, while many eggs may just have one color on them, others can be in rather elaborate designs. Then there are some that go on a whole different level such as depicting pop culture icons and such. In this post, you’ll see the many ways people decorate Easter eggs you might not be familiar with. So without further adieu, I shall present these to you.

1. Happy Easter from the wonderful world of Disney.

Of course, these are much better drawings than I could've ever done. Then again, I don't remember the rabbits on top. Guess this person ran out of ideas.

Of course, these are much better drawings than I could’ve ever done. Then again, I don’t remember the rabbits on top. Guess this person ran out of ideas.

2. “I see a red egg and I want it painted black/No colors any more, I want them to turn black.”

Seems like the Rolling Stones haven't aged a bit. Then again, they were just as ugly as they are now. Still, hate to find an egg that resembles Keith Richards.

Seems like the Rolling Stones haven’t aged a bit. Then again, they were just as ugly as they are now. Still, hate to find an egg that resembles Keith Richards.

3. Since Easter’s a religious holiday, I couldn’t leave out eggs with Christian motifs.

Now the crucifixion one is about the goriest Easter egg I've ever seen so far. Then again, I can't argue about that being appropriate.

Now the crucifixion one is about the goriest Easter egg I’ve ever seen so far. Then again, I can’t argue about that being appropriate.

4. Performing on the Easter stag with “Bennie and the Jets,” may I present to you Sir Elton John.

Now this is a perfect Easter egg of Elton John, costume and all with all those feathers like in his heyday during the 1970s. Of course, that will have to come to an egg.

Now this is a perfect Easter egg of Elton John, costume and all with all those feathers like in his heyday during the 1970s. Of course, that will have to come to an end in the 1980s.

5. And everyone assumed that Paul was scrambled in the advent of the Abbey Road album.

I'll be putting a few Beatles stuff in my post on Easter eggs. This is from the Abbey Road album, which was one of their last collaborations. Still, love it how they're playing in a band on this one.

I’ll be putting a few Beatles stuff in my post on Easter eggs. This is from the Abbey Road album, which was one of their last collaborations. Still, love it how they’re playing in a band on this one.

6. Celebrate your Easter with the magic of Stephen Spielberg with this E. T. egg.

Maybe that's because an Indiana Jones Easter egg design would've had more difficulty. Still, as ugly as E. T. is you can't really think he's any less than adorable.

Maybe that’s because an Indiana Jones Easter egg design would’ve had more difficulty. Still, as ugly as E. T. is you can’t really think he’s any less than adorable.

7. Get ready for one wild bachelor party in Vegas with this Easter egg tribute to The Hangover or the one which launched the careers of Bradley Cooper and Zach Galifianakis.

Oh, God, I'd hate to see what Bradley Cooper is about to do with Mike Tyson's pet tiger, which is most likely illegally possessed since it's an endangered species.

Oh, God, I’d hate to see what Bradley Cooper is about to do with Mike Tyson’s pet tiger, which is most likely illegally possessed since it’s an endangered species.

8. For those who like Peter Sellers and Henry Mancini music, here’s an Easter egg diorama from The Pink Panther movies.

Would've liked to seen an Easter egg rendering of Chief Inspector Dreyfus who later goes nuts. Still, I can only consider Peter Sellers as the one and only Inspector Clouseau and no one else.

Would’ve liked to seen an Easter egg rendering of Chief Inspector Dreyfus who later goes nuts. Still, I can only consider Peter Sellers as the one and only Inspector Clouseau and no one else.

9. For those in love with Japanese cuteness, here are some nice Easter eggs of Hello Kitty.

Sure they may not have ears but they may not have looked great with them anyway. Still, quite cute.

Sure they may not have ears but they may not have looked great with them anyway. Still, quite cute.

10. This Easter egg tribute of Barack Obama would certainly be commendable to any Egghead Commander and Chief.

Now that's a great scene of the Oval Office. Also like how he has those two pens and the globe on his desk.

Now that’s a great scene of the Oval Office. Also like how he has those two pens and the globe on his desk.

11. May these Batman Easter eggs make your Easter a rather dark night in Gotham, indeed.

Of course, presented here are Batman, Catwoman, Mr. Freeze, the Joker, Harley Quinn, Two-Face, the Penguin, the Riddler, and Clayface. Wonder why they don't have Robin, Batgirl, Bane, Dr. Strange, Poison Ivy, the Scarecrow, and Alfred.

Of course, presented here are Batman, Catwoman, Mr. Freeze, the Joker, Harley Quinn, Two-Face, the Penguin, the Riddler, and Clayface. Wonder why they don’t have Robin, Batgirl, Bane, Dr. Strange, Poison Ivy, the Scarecrow, and Alfred.

12. For those who are fans of the National Audobon Society’s guide to North American Birds, then today’s your lucky day.

Almost look as if they do in the guidebook with their respective silhouettes. Of course, Audobon often killed birds so he could save them and paint them in his book better. And boy, his bird paintings are awesome.

Almost look as if they do in the guidebook with their respective silhouettes. Of course, Audobon often killed birds so he could save them and paint them in his book better. And boy, his bird paintings are awesome.

13. “But I would not feel so all alone/Everybody must get poached.”

Yes, this is an Easter egg rendition of legendary American singer-songwriter Bob Dylan. Well, he wrote some of the best music ever which has influenced millions. But his singing is much to be desired.

Yes, this is an Easter egg rendition of legendary American singer-songwriter Bob Dylan. Well, he wrote some of the best music ever which has influenced millions. But his singing is much to be desired.

14. Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.

Interestingly, Elvis Presley looked a lot like this during his Las Vegas years. Of course, this is what happens when you've been on too many drugs and peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

Interestingly, Elvis Presley looked a lot like this during his Las Vegas years. Of course, this is what happens when you’ve been on too many drugs and peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

15. For you silent film buffs out there, this Easter egg Charlie Chaplin is particularly charming.

Of course, Chaplin was one of the most significant filmmakers in movie history who entertained countless audiences as the Tramp during the 1920s and early 1930s. Yet, he'd be kicked out of the country in the 1950s for his left wing political views.

Of course, Chaplin was one of the most significant filmmakers in movie history who entertained countless audiences as the Tramp during the 1920s and early 1930s. Yet, he’d be kicked out of the country in the 1950s for his left wing political views.

16. For those who have boys, these superhero Easter eggs should be a real treat for a holiday with pastel colors.

Comprised here are Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, the Green Lantern, the Flash, Spiderman, Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, and Captain America. Still, I wonder why Thor, Black Widow, and Nick Fury aren't included.

Comprised here are Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, the Green Lantern, the Flash, Spiderman, Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, and Captain America. Still, I wonder why Thor, Black Widow, and Nick Fury aren’t included.

17. For those into foul humor and toilet jokes, you can’t go wrong with these South Park Easter eggs here.

Now I'm sure the Kenny one is going to have horrible things done to it after the picture since he practically dies in a lot of episodes.

Now I’m sure the Kenny one is going to have horrible things done to it after the picture since he practically dies in a lot of episodes.

18. “He’s an egg ball wizard/There has to be a twist./An egg ball wizard’s got such a supple wrist.”

Of course, The Who known for their rock opera Tommy about a deaf, dumb, and blind pinball whiz. Still, I'm not sure what I'd say if any elementary age school kids ask about what happened to Keith Moon.

Of course, The Who known for their rock opera Tommy about a deaf, dumb, and blind pinball whiz. Still, I’m not sure what I’d say if any elementary age school kids ask about what happened to Keith Moon.

19. For those who like kicking ass reptiles from the sewers, you’d love these Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Easter eggs.

Of course, I wonder if anyone could remember that the turtles were named after Renaissance artists like Leonardo Da Vinci, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael. Of course, in real life Leonardo was the inventor and technological genius of the 4. Oh, and that Leonardo and Michelangelo were both gay.

Of course, I wonder if anyone could remember that the turtles were named after Renaissance artists like Leonardo Da Vinci, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael. Of course, in real life Leonardo was the inventor and technological genius of the 4. Oh, and that Leonardo and Michelangelo were both gay.

20. From “That’ll Be the Day” to the Day the Music Died, Buddy Holly and the Crickets were one of the best known 1950s rock n’ roll acts.

Man, it's hard not to imagine what Buddy Holly's career would've amounted to if he didn't get on that plane with J. P. Richardson and Ritchie Valens that fateful day.

Man, it’s hard not to imagine what Buddy Holly’s career would’ve amounted to if he didn’t get on that plane with J. P. Richardson and Ritchie Valens that fateful day.

21. Since they’re so iconic with the black and white make up, rock and roll all night with these KISS Easter eggs and party every day.

I'm not really a KISS fan but I did put a KISS nutcracker ensemble for my nutcracker post back in 2013. This is a great Easter equivalent.

I’m not really a KISS fan but I did put a KISS nutcracker ensemble for my nutcracker post back in 2013. This is a great Easter equivalent.

22. Not sure what to do with those Easter eggs, how about egg totem poles?

Now these may not look like real totem poles. But they're quite intricate and I like them.

Now these may not look like real totem poles. But they’re quite intricate and I like them.

23. Tissue and construction paper make great flowers as well as Easter egg decorations.

Now these are quite pretty and so intricate that I suspect someone is either getting paid for it or has way too much time on their hands.

Now these are quite pretty and so intricate that I suspect someone is either getting paid for it or has way too much time on their hands.

24. “I am the eggman, they are the eggmen/I am the walrus, goo goo goo joob”

So what if "I Am the Walrus" came out in the late 1960s and these are the Fab Four from 1964? I had to use those lines sometime.

So what if “I Am the Walrus” came out in the late 1960s and these are the Fab Four from 1964? I had to use those lines sometime.

25. Bring the magic of Oz to life with this Easter egg diorama of The Wizard of Oz.

Seems more likely to traumatize your friends than the real thing. Still not as good as Gone with the Wind even if the movie denigrated African Americans as happy slaves.

Seems more likely to traumatize your friends than the real thing. Still not as good as Gone with the Wind even if the movie denigrated African Americans as happy slaves.

26. “It was twenty years ago today/Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play/They’ve been going in and out of style/But they’re guaranteed to raise a smile”

"So may I introduce to you/The act you've known for all these years/Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" Wait until they get to Billy Shears.

“So may I introduce to you/The act you’ve known for all these years/Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” Wait until they get to Billy Shears.

27. Leafs always make great decoration for Easter eggs if you want to go with a nature theme.

Yes, they're pretty. But I wonder if they were still around after most of the leaves were already swept up during the fall.

Yes, they’re pretty. But I wonder if they were still around after most of the leaves were already swept up during the fall.

28. For those who love Lego, you might love having these Lego heads on your Easter eggs.

Now these are just adorable. But only one of them is explicitly female. Yet, we can change that if we add hair.

Now these are just adorable. But only one of them is explicitly female. Yet, we can change that if we add hair to some of the others.

29. When it comes to flower decorations, you can’t go wrong with flowers.

Of course, these buttons may be of the same shape but the smaller ones not always of the same size and color.

Of course, these buttons may be of the same shape but the smaller ones not always of the same size and color.

30. For you Despicable Me fans, these minon Easter eggs are as easy as pie.

When it comes to Despicable Me, almost everyone remembers the minions and how cute they are. Still, I see a lot of them in a lot of artistic renditions because they're an east craft subject.

When it comes to Despicable Me, almost everyone remembers the minions and how cute they are. Still, I see a lot of them in a lot of artistic renditions because they’re an east craft subject.

31. Go underwater with these deep sea diving Easter eggs.

Well, I don't mean literally of course. But I daresay these look quite adorable in scuba gear and flippers.

Well, I don’t mean literally of course. But I daresay these look quite adorable in scuba gear and flippers.

32. Defend the Imperial Empire with these Imperial Stormtrooper Easter eggs.

Cheer up, Rebels. Sure they may seem intimidating and kill Luke's aunt and uncle. Yet, Imperial Stormtroopers are known for being notorious bad shots since they're never seen hitting anything.

Cheer up, Rebels. Sure they may seem intimidating and kill Luke’s aunt and uncle. Yet, Imperial Stormtroopers are known for being notorious bad shots since they’re never seen hitting anything.

33. For those who loved WALL-E, you might love these EVE Easter eggs.

Well, the EVE we know from WALL-E is the one with the eyes and the plant sign on it. But still, quite cute.

Well, the EVE we know from WALL-E is the one with the eyes and the plant sign on it. But still, quite cute.

34. For those repressed art students out there, you can always paint your Easter eggs by hand if you want to.

Now these are quite intricate and pretty. They also match the dish they're on. Sure hate to see a small child break these.

Now these are quite intricate and pretty. They also match the dish they’re on. Sure hate to see a small child break these.

35. When it comes to decorating Easter eggs, feel free to accessorize.

Now this person seems to spend more time decorating the eggs' outfits than the actual eggs themselves.

Now this person seems to spend more time decorating the eggs’ outfits than the actual eggs themselves.

36. Relive the Tim Burton magic with this Easter egg tribute to Alice in Wonderland.

Like The Wizard of Oz one, this also seems much creepier and likely to traumatize kids than the real thing. This is especially true with the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, as well as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

Like The Wizard of Oz one, this also seems much creepier and likely to traumatize kids than the real thing. This is especially true with the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, as well as Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

37. Seems like one of their friends was taken from the egg carton and into the frying pan.

And it seems like they know one of them's next in the skillet of horrors. And some of them are seen screaming.

And it seems like they know one of them’s next in the skillet of horrors. Some of them are seen screaming.

38. Jam with the Jamaican reggae beat with Bob Marley.

Rarely do we have the traditions of pot and Easter merged in the same creation as an Easter egg version of Bob Marley.

Rarely do we have the traditions of pot and Easter merged in the same creation as an Easter egg version of Bob Marley.

39. For all you Scarface fans out there, say hello to my little friend!

Now no parent would certainly want their kid to find an Easter egg with Al Pacino's face on it since most of his movies are rated R. Not to mention, they tend to be rather violent with sex, swearing, and substance abuse.

Now no parent would certainly want their kid to find an Easter egg with Al Pacino’s face on it since most of his movies are rated R. Not to mention, they tend to be rather violent with sex, swearing, and substance abuse.

40. Hey, look, I found Waldo!

Then again, it's pretty easy to find Waldo when he's a decorated Easter egg and the others are quite plain so to speak.

Then again, it’s pretty easy to find Waldo when he’s a decorated Easter egg and the others are quite plain so to speak.

41. For fans of the HBO series Game of Thrones, these Easter eggs are for you.

Of course, like everything by George R. R. Martin, they may only be as fun until they suffer a really horrible death like some peoples favorite Game of Thrones characters.

Of course, like everything by George R. R. Martin, they may only be as fun until they suffer a really horrible death like some peoples favorite Game of Thrones characters.

42. For those who grew up with Nintendo, you’d sure love these Super Mario Brothers Easter eggs.

Of course, we all know what these mushrooms do in the game. But watch out for the bullets.

Of course, we all know what these mushrooms do in the game. But watch out for the bullets.

43. Enjoy the magic of Hogwarts this Easter with these Harry Potter Easter eggs.

Now these include, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Snape, Voldemort, Dumbledore, Nagini, and the Golden Snitch. Of course, I'd also like to see ones of Luna, Hagrid, Neville, and Hedwig but you take what you can get I guess.

Now these include, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Snape, Voldemort, Dumbledore, Nagini, and the Golden Snitch. Of course, I’d also like to see ones of Luna, Hagrid, Neville, Malfoy, Sirius, Lupin, and Hedwig but you take what you can get I guess.

44. These Easter egg bees are as sweet as honey.

Now these may be simple in some respects. But they're nevertheless adorable to say the least.

Now these may be simple in some respects. But they’re nevertheless adorable to say the least.

45. For those who love video games, I’m sure you can’t go wrong with Angry Birds.

Of course, the green pig is going to get it sooner or later since it's surrounded by birds that really seem pissed off beyond all means.

Of course, the green pig is going to get it sooner or later since it’s surrounded by birds that really seem pissed off beyond all means.

46. Sometimes felt can be handy when it comes to Easter egg decorations.

Sure love spring flowers and I think these beautiful eggs have great designs on them. Once again, someone must have too much time on their hands.

Sure love spring flowers and I think these beautiful eggs have great designs on them. Once again, someone must have too much time on their hands.

47. Splash into the world of Amity Island in the summer with Jaws. But swim carefully.

Seems like this pipe cleaner lady doesn't have long to live. Seriously, she shouldn't be so stupid enough to swim in shark infested waters.

Seems like this pipe cleaner lady doesn’t have long to live. Seriously, she shouldn’t be so stupid enough to swim in shark infested waters.

48. Celebrate this Easter with, “Purple Haze” with this Easter egg Jimi Hendrix.

Of course, he may be one of the greatest guitarists of all time and played the "Star Spangled Banner" at Woodstock. Unfortunately, he died young.

Of course, he may be one of the greatest guitarists of all time and played the “Star Spangled Banner” at Woodstock. Unfortunately, he died young.

49. Now these lady bug Easter eggs will go well in anybody’s basket.

Now these are so adorable and quite concurrent with spring. Of course, some lady bugs are male, by the way.

Now these are so adorable and quite concurrent with spring. Of course, some lady bugs are male, by the way.

50. Enjoy a good scare this Easter with these eggs depicting characters from The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Sure The Nightmare Before Christmas may have absolutely nothing to do with Easter but that doesn't mean you can't make eggs from that film. Does it?

Sure The Nightmare Before Christmas may have absolutely nothing to do with Easter but that doesn’t mean you can’t make eggs from that film. Does it?

51. Now I daresay, this London Easter egg always knows how to retain a stiff upper lip.

Of course, it's one of those royal guards you see at Buckingham Palace. So don't try to make it crack beyond all means. Seriously, you don't want to do that.

Of course, it’s one of those royal guards you see at Buckingham Palace. So don’t try to make it crack beyond all means. Seriously, you don’t want to do that.

52. Sometimes it helps when you decorate your Easter eggs with string.

However, once Easter is over, these can be a pain in the ass to peel off. But they are quite colorful to get my drift.

However, once Easter is over, these can be a pain in the ass to peel off. But they are quite colorful to get my drift.

53. Join Snoopy and the gang with this Easter egg tribute to Peanuts.

Seems weird that the cast seems like a bunch of coneheads as far as Easter egg tributes go. I mean their heads seemed quite round in the comics.

Seems weird that the cast seems like a bunch of coneheads as far as Easter egg tributes go. I mean their heads seemed quite round in the comics.

54. So, yes, you can do embroidery on your Easter eggs as these specimens show.

Of course, after Easter, these eggs would soon be a pain in the ass to peel off. I'll say. Still, for the moment they're quite pretty.

Of course, after Easter, these eggs would soon be a pain in the ass to peel off. I’ll say. Still, for the moment they’re quite pretty.

55. For you Trekkies out there, these Star Trek themed Easter eggs are for you.

Of course, they had a set of Easter eggs for the characters but the Red shirt ones all got broken. So the person decided to use logos and symbols instead.

Of course, they had a set of Easter eggs for the characters but the Red shirt ones all got broken. So the person decided to use logos and symbols instead.

56. Seems like someone lost their yolk.

And everybody is in a state of panic over it. Guess that somebody cracked it over the edge.

And everybody is in a state of panic over it. Guess that somebody cracked it over the edge.

57. For you Pixar lovers out there, here are Easter eggs of the aliens from Toy Story.

Of course, we all know these aliens worship a massive claw in the vending machine they live in. I mean we've all seen the movies.

Of course, we all know these aliens worship a massive claw in the vending machine they live in. I mean we’ve all seen the movies.

58. “She’s got eggs, she knows how to use them.”

Yes, that's ZZ Top all right, which hail all the way from Texas. Of course, this person did a great job depicting the frontmen's beards.

Yes, that’s ZZ Top all right, which hail all the way from Texas. Of course, this person did a great job depicting the frontmen’s beards.

59. Catch em’ all this Easter season with these Pokemon egg designs.

Now these are quite adorable and intricate designs. Still, the scientifically accurate version on Laughing Squid has some disturbing implications.

Now these are quite adorable and intricate designs. Still, the scientifically accurate version on Laughing Squid has some disturbing implications.

60. When it comes to decorating Easter eggs, you can apply just about anything.

Now these are way beyond any artistic endeavor I could undergo with art supplies. These are just so beautiful to say the least.

Now these are way beyond any artistic endeavor I could undergo with art supplies. These are just so beautiful to say the least.