Ghastly Halloween Greetings in the Ghoulish Days of Old (Fifth Edition)

b1e6e953167fc5c29f1481c3460984d1

Now it’s on to the Halloween vintage cards. In these days, there seems to be a greeting card for almost everything. In the olden days, this was no exception except in regards to MLK Day because the great civil rights leader wasn’t born yet or any kind of holidays white people didn’t celebrate. Anyway, given that Halloween greeting cards are apparently still a thing, you shouldn’t be surprised to see plenty vintage ones. However, in many ways, the vintage cards usually tend to be crazier for various reasons. Some may be dated. Some may be inappropriate. Some may be racist. And some may contain imagery that doesn’t seem to fly today. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you another assortment of crazy vintage Halloween greeting cards.

  1. The moon doesn’t seem too happy these days.
4d367a1630c5345638057e649b441e5e--halloween-moon-happy-halloween.jpg

“Why the hell would leave a perfectly good office binder on my doorstep? Don’t they know they’re very expensive?”

2. “I wish you a jolly Halloween.”

10

And that’s not a safe way to hold a jack-o’-lantern, kids. Honestly, that’s a fire hazard.

3. Want to catch a jack-o’-lantern? Spread crumbs through a wagon, I think.

16

That way, he’ll be happy to tag behind you wherever you go. Still, how did anyone think this was a good idea?

4. This demon comes out to greet you from the jack-o’-lantern.

31 (1)

Seems kind of friendly for a creature of Hell. Guess it’s hot inside that jack-o’-lantern.

5. While mere mortals use jack-o’-lanterns as Halloween decoration, witches use them for broom headlights.

31e128e0ac0d73cd8ee602d23f9524e1

If it can talk, it doubles as a GPS system. Who knows how the characters in Harry Potter can do without them.

6. “O! Ghostly friend,/Thy hair’s on end/What fearful fate do you portend?”

678cadbca830b8067063525e0679d131

To be honest, the corn guy’s more likely freaking me out. Seriously, it just gives me nightmares.

7. “Whoo-oo  dares keep Halloween with me?”

726d423b708f54a8b718da7e0fff65be

The owl’s like, “I’ve got my eyes on you, floating pumpkin head.” Or something like that.

8. Feel free to sit down in your jack-o’-lantern bib.

865f6b242f2b1b5227da9d293b047568

Actually that bib’s kind of creepy if you ask me along with the jack-o’-lanterns on the top corners. Also, the girl seems like she’s slightly suffocating.

9. Don’t know if you want a bat pop up from a jack-o’-lantern.

898e29c0ceaa2af5ff0d39929a7b75b1

Seems like everyone in this is freaked out by this. Save for the black cat for some reason.

10. Even the pumpkins make out in the pumpkin patch on Halloween night.

39673-Vintage-Halloween-Card-Ca.-1930-s

Still, despite the inscription, how do pumpkins hug and kiss? Linus, can you answer me on this one?

11. Perhaps you might want to go as a skeletal bat for Halloween.

14937376_1217882641568058_5044743004282485113_n

Seriously, she’s dressed up as a bat that bit into a powerline. Kind of disturbing if you think about it.

12. “With all Hallowe’en Greetings.”

1403932732_aec27c4311_b

Yet, that owl’s watching the creepy pumpkin man follow the seeds from the woman’s contraption. Wonder if this was a thing back then.

13. Pumpkin head kids wish you a jolly Halloween.

ae772831a00a20ebc2196909e41b40b8

Oh, those creepy orange kids with one holding a poor cat. Makes me wonder if this is a childhood photo of Donald Trump. Wouldn’t surprise me.

14. Bet you don’t want a skeleton to get you.

early-1900s-vintage-halloween-cards

Are those monsters supposed to be goblins? Also, why is one riding a cat?

15. When a witch wants a kid to get off her lawn, she means it.

halloween1

Here she chases a kid with a jack-o’-lantern on a stick. And I thought witches ate kids. Then again, that may not be the case.

16. Forget brooms. The modern witch travels on a biplane of giant playing cards.

halloweencards15-1080x687

She even has a jack-o’-lantern on the front for navigation. And yes, it runs on owl power. But the cat’s kind of afraid of heights.

17. This Halloween, stay out of the cabbage patch.

halloweencards18-360x550

No, these aren’t the Cabbage Patch kids you remember. Actually this cabbage people make out scene is getting a bit out of hand.

18. “For ways that are dark and tricks that are vain. Watch out!”

halloweencards21-1080x697

Here a black cat sits with 4 scary jack-o’-lanterns. But at least they’re not lit, yet.

19. Everyone loves a Halloween costume party.

halloween-2880646_960_720

Though whether to dance with a medieval version of the Joker is another matter. Seriously, his costume’s kind of freaky if you ask me.

20. The black cat in a pumpkin has a letter for you.

halloweencards22-1080x689

Though the kid doesn’t seem to think twice about trusting the cat. Kind of looks hypnotized. Also, note the sticks under the pumpkin.

21. Riding a broom on an ear of corn gives a witch more seat room.

halloweencards23-1080x685

But make sure the ear is giant size and has bat wings. Also, I think she might drive using a sideways steering wheel.

22. On Halloween, fell free to hoist the jack-o’-lantern flag.

pretty-vintage-halloween-time-post-card-with-sweet-old-witch-lady-and-black-cat-with-pumpkin-flag-graphic-vintage-halloween-ca

Instead of a skull and crossed bones, this flag has a jack-o’-lantern and crossed candles. Yet, the witchy woman has a rather suggestive expression.

23. The jack-o’-lantern always watches outside.

halloweencards34-1080x704

So maybe playing naked outside at night is not a good idea. Not that it would be anyway.

24. Dancing pumpkin man wishes you a happy Halloween.

halloween-vintage-best-of-556-best-cards-halloween-vintage-2-images-on-pinterest-of-halloween-vintage

Unlike most depictions, he’s wearing a suit. Still, he’s guaranteed to inspire nightmares.

25. This little witch wishes you Halloween greetings.

scary-creepy-vintage-halloween-greeting-cards-1-high

Though I’m not necessarily sure that she’s sitting appropriately. This is especially since she has her skirt up.

26. It takes two to carry a large jack-o’-lantern.

untitled

Nonetheless, the jack-o’-lantern seems to have a mind of its own. As you can tell by the eyes.

27. For many, Halloween is a time of love.

untitled1

But since these kids have their hands on the jack-o’-lantern too long, the pumpkin’s starting to feel smushed. Seriously, they need their space once in awhile.

28. Wanna make some noise?

untitled6.png

Yet, the pumpkin guys sitting on the gourd are very unsettling to me. One doesn’t seem too happy with the girl blowing her horn.

29. Don’t look at the jack-o’-lantern in the barrel.

untitled3

Since there’s a rather creepy kid inside. And I don’t think the kid in front really wants to know.

30. Halloween greetings from the witch with a pumpkin fetish.

untitled4.png

Hey, it may not look the least bit normal. But at least she’s not making out with Donald Trump.

31. Be careful in a room with masks.

untitled5

Actually I don’t know why this woman can be in the same room with all these scary masks. Since they all look incredibly terrifying.

32. Ghost jack-o’-lantern wishes you happy Halloween on a broomstick.

wp-content2Fuploads2F20142F102FHalloween-cards13.jpg2Foriginal

The outfit’s rather translucent. Though the jack-o’-lantern doesn’t seem sure how to fly this thing.

33. “The joys of Halloween be yours.”

untitled8

Excuse me, but what the hell is Cupid doing here? This isn’t even his holiday. He’s Valentine’s Day.

34. Don’t be surprised to see double this Halloween.

vintage Halloween card complicated spell

You can see how the images mirror each other. While the jack-o’-lantern thinks it’s just crazy.

35. Hide all you want to, but you can’t fool the moon.

Vintage Halloween Cards (3)

To be fair these jack-o’-lanterns are rather creepy. But what are they doing behind that stack?

36. A witch and owl love hanging out together on the moon.

vintage-halloween-card1

That owl looks abnormally huge. Because most don’t grow that big. Yet, the witch doesn’t care.

37. There’s nothing on Halloween like making out in a jack-o’-lantern.

vintage-halloween-card22

First, that’s a major safety hazard since the clothes could catch on fire. Second, the cat and owl are basically like, “get a room, you two.”

38. The moon always knows a hot witch when it sees one.

vintage-halloween-card27

Here the moon gazes on the witch with a pervy smile. While the witch might want to blow out her candle so the moon doesn’t see her as well.

39. Now where did that slice of cake go?

vintage-halloween-card28

Yes, these creepy pupkin people have it for some reason. Maybe I’ll be okay without it. I’ll live.

40. Seems like her high beams are flashing.

vintage-halloween-card-retro-2

See what I mean about a jack-o’-lantern functioning has headlights on a broomstick. Why don’t they have that in Harry Potter?

41. Remember that witches will kidnap your children.

Vintage-Halloween-Cards-vintage-16379797-563-347

I don’t have a good feeling about these kids. Since witches are known to eat children. The boy doesn’t seem to mind though.

42. All kinds of demons can come out of a jack-o’-lantern.

Vintage-Halloween-Cards-vintage-16380109-320-500

Here it sits upon a sinister black cat. Must be magical because I can’t see how the cat can retain its balance.

43. An owl sits upon a glowing jack-o’-lantern holding an apple.

vintage-halloween-postcard-turn-of-the-century-10

Yet, the girl seems rather fascinated instead of freaking out. Because how can the owl get inside? And it can basically claw and peck you to death.

44. Here this woman sits on a jack-o’-lantern dressed as an owl.

Winsch-witch-postcard-copy

Yet, the giant jack-o’-lantern has a rather terrifying expression. Since even the cat’s freaking out.

45. You can always sit back on a jack-o’-lantern with a candle on Halloween.

wp-content2Fuploads2F20142F102FHalloween-cards5.jpg2Foriginal

The pumpkin’s glowing. While the cat is glaring at the viewer with malicious intent. Wouldn’t want to go near that thing.

46. Don’t look now but I think that jack-o’-lantern’s stoned out of its mind.

wp-content2Fuploads2F20142F102FHalloween-cards6.jpg2Foriginal

Not sure what’s in that pipe. But I also think the jack-o’-lantern’s looking up that woman’s skirt. That cat’s like, “Not cool, man.”

47. A campfire is always a graveyard smash.

wp-content2Fuploads2F20142F102FHalloween-cards7.jpg2Foriginal

And yet, one’s running away in fear, two are on top of each other, and the would’ve gotten a selfie to post on Instagram. Only trouble is that smartphones and Instagram aren’t around yet.

48. Happy Halloween by the demon child soldier.

wp-content2Fuploads2F20142F102FHalloween-cards8.jpg2Foriginal

Once you’re asleep, this little boy will come into your room with a knife and kill you. If you don’t take some time to lock your doors first.

49. Here a little witch picks up a name from the jack-o’-lantern.

wp-content2Fuploads2F20142F102FHalloween-cards11.jpg2Foriginal

Whoever’s name she gets, she’ll go to their house and turn them into a newt. And I’m not sure if they’ll get better.

50. Happy Halloween from behind the haystack.

wp-content2Fuploads2F20142F102FHalloween-cards14.jpg2Foriginal

Now that looks like a fire hazard waiting to happen. Wouldn’t be surprise if the jack-o’-lantern leads to the stack catching on fire and the boy burning to a crisp.

Advertisements

The Spooky World of Halloween Pumpkin Dioramas (Fifth Edition)

1.DIY-Triangular-Pumpkin-Diorama

Almost every October for the last five years, my pumpkin diorama posts have always been perennial favorites. As you can see above, these consists of dioramas inside pumpkins. Though I often put them under Halloween decorations, they’re not exclusively so. After all, I’ve put up some pumpkin dioramas relating to Dia de los Muertos and Thanksgiving. Nonetheless, since most of these relate to Halloween, I usually put them there. Not to mention, pumpkin dioramas are often difficult to find. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I bring you another assortment of pumpkin dioramas for this Halloween season.

  1. This pumpkin will bring you all the way to the Upside Down.
1GwKeFF

On top is the Byers’ living room. On the bottom is the Upside Down.

2. A skull always belongs in a haunted house.

1pl184nuhpm11

The skull is even on a stack of pumpkins. The house is obviously made out of cardboard.

3. Seems like the tree lost its leaves.

FINISHED

The tree on this one is a twig. Yet, the grass looks quite dead and freaky.

4. Nobody could resist these two scarecrows.

91GHLZ5K8BL._SX700_

This is a Thanksgiving diorama. But you have to admire the different colored pumpkins inside.

5. Don’t want to spend a scary night camping.

170da3_237a6fdf80c34ed390191c76241494ec~mv2_d_6016_4000_s_4_2

Inside this one is a campsite. And it’s only lit by one fire.

6. This skeleton’s just chilling in the grave.

2013-1046-main-image.1432222144

The pumpkin here is rather small. But the owl on top is so adorable.

7. These kids are just spending some time in a scary cemetery.

004722d162d762f6b6cf5cf3a479b379

This is more of a collage with cut outs of kids and grave stones. Kind of scary, isn’t it?

8. You receive ghoulish greetings from this pumpkin house.

7634fdabaebeeed33d20952a4f9de1c3

This one just has a fake candle inside the front doorway. The windows even have shutters.

9. Even witches enjoy a carousel ride now and then.

9550cfee40604f024a4267a5f16c8d21

This one uses a pumpkin for a witch carousel. Wonder if it spins around.

10. You don’t know what’s lurking in this haunted forest.

52906ca2753737b181e08b5a7b72ef49

This one isn’t nearly as dark as some of the others. But there’s a little black creature with fangs facing the opening.

11. Barb has been taken by the Upside Down.

171027_vod_orig_stranger_things_halloween_ideas_16x9_1600

Poor Barb. Taken from us long before we really got to know her. She will be missed.

12. An orange glitter house will always stand out.

124276033

This orange house stands in front of a black background. Includes glitter trees and a white pumpkin.

13. Turkeys lurk in the pumpkin patch at night.

8191200653_29735f3e90_b

The pumpkins are made from peeps. While the crescent moon’s made from construction paper. Enjoy life while it lasts, turkeys.

14. Dog fans will howl over this pumpkin scene.

37012967904_53d9cda052_b

It just consists of doggy cut outs. And yes, the dogs are wearing costumes.

15. A white house can use some lighting.

at home halloween 2018 (16)

This one has black roofs though. Also includes an orange pumpkin. The lights are on the ground.

16. Linus sits to wait for the Great Pumpkin.

bac3a59962cf2e6b706741677b28c21b

This one has holes for stars while Snoopy sleeps on top in his WWI flying ace outfit. Seems to promote an orthodontics office.

17. This Cinderella pumpkin is quite 18th century.

Cinderella252520252520252526252520the252520Ugly252520Stepsister252520Soiree252520080-001_thumb-1

This is made out of cut outs. Let’s hope they’re not in France since we know what happened there.

18. Cinderella, your castle awaits.

disney pumpkin2

Seems like Cinderella left her shoe. Still, the stars are purple lights.

19. Perhaps you might be interested in a pumpkin ship.

Easy-Pumpkin-Carving

This is pretty creative. Even has carrot cannons. Not sure how well it’ll do in the water though.

20. Death doesn’t have to end all your relationships.

DIY-Halloween-Diorama-Tutorial

This one has a skeletal bridal couple near a grave stone. A crow sits on top the pumpkin.

21. A witch flies over the neighborhood.

diy-halloween-pumpkin-diorama-03

This consists of paper vintage imagery. And no, it doesn’t look very scary.

22. Looks like a hanging took place there.

Halloween-crafts-for-kids-1

Since the skeletons hang from the trees. Still, I wonder if there’s a picnic going on.

23. Skeletons love to hang around in the cemetery.

f43521cf81a99dd140e21a10b31e09c3

Unlike the others, this one seems to be made from a gourd. Yet the skeletons seem to be having fun.

24. This seems like a cozy witch’s cottage.

halloween-pumpkin-carving-ideas-room-diorama-spiders-334x500

See? Witches are just like everyone else. Also, spiders crawl on the edges.

25. Want to hear your fortune?

hqdefaultTF5BWJ49

She holds her crystal ball to look into your future. And yes, her ball lights up in the dark.

26. This graveyard must be especially spooky.

il_340x270.945903200_hu0o

This one has a skeleton hanging near a gravestone. Yet, the trees look incredibly creepy.

27. Want to go into a haunted parlor?

il_340x270.1652017267_qnpg

Yes, it certainly looks haunted like an abandoned Victorian mansion. Just see how the edge is covered in fake moss.

28. This must be a rather cozy cottage.

il_570xN.839118002_jdul

Has a freestanding fireplace with cabinets against the walls. A vine of red leaves covers the outside.

29. Frankenstein’s monster haunts the premises.

il_570xN.1616360878_99sv

Indeed, he wanders around the graves. Mostly since it’s one of the few places people can’t bother him.

30. These scary monsters will always be spooky.

il_570xN.1629247950_njfq

Includes a skeleton, black cat, and a jack-o’-lantern in front of a haunted house. Has a bow on top.

31. Halloween is always a graveyard smash.

il_794xN.1632953884_fyrj

Features a dog in a scary costume holding a rose. Edge is decked with pink and yellow flower lights.

32. This pumpkin has become very infested.

il_fullxfull.843752809_8lna

Inside is a scary graveyard. Outside you have spiders and webs. Even lights up.

33. This skeleton hangs around with his friends.

imagesRCIVF3XM

After all, they’re all as dead as he is. There’s even a web in the background.

34. The skeletons and ghosts come out at night.

IMG_00013

The inside decor is made of paper. You can see a witch flying in front of the moon.

35. Care to pose for a group photo?

IMG_2127

This one’s derived from old photos. While the edging is in orange and black.

36. The skeleton sits back and relaxes in front of his haunted home.

img_3272.jpg

He’s even having the ghosts over. some are even held by sticks.

37. “This is Halloween! This is Halloween!”

img_20171009_0734488909829556894419581

Yes, someone made a pumpkin diorama of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Here Jack casually walks his ghost dog.

38. A skeleton paints a masterpiece.

maxresdefault

This is for Dia de los Muertos. Outside is decorated with beats and flowers.

39. May they always be together in death.

maxresdefault1

Has a skeleton couple in wedding clothes. The groom doesn’t seem too happy.

40. It’s always fun at Camp Boo.

maxresdefault3

This one has a lot of jack-o’-lanterns inside. There’s even a black cat.

41. This mouse has managed to make a cozy home.

MouseDiorama

This mouse uses 2 pumpkins for a cottage. One is a living room. One is a bedroom.

42. This seems to be a rather happy cemetery.

PaintedRocks-CraftKiddies

Most of these are made out of rocks. The Halloween figures are painted.

43. This party’s dead on arrival.

PumpkinBackBaja

Well, it’s a Dia de los Muertos pumpkin. And someone seems to cry over something.

44. A glittering night is always one of romantic scares.

Pumpkin-Diorama-1a

There’s a newly married couple in a cemetery. And here they stand among glittering pumpkins.

45. This pumpkin has gone to the spiders.

Pumpkin-diorama-with-bugs

Well, this one has 2 spiders along rocks. While a dragon fly flies on top.

46. Someone must be hungry for brains.

pumpkin-diorama-with-zombie

You don’t want to see a zombie rising out of the grave. Best you avoid cemeteries during a zombie apocalypse.

47. Someone’s here to trick or treat.

pumpwithdoll

The doll’s dressed as a lion. Candy’s on the table with the jack-o’-lanterns.

48. A fire will warm you up on a cold, dark night.

s-l400

Is that supposed to be snow? Also has a ghoulish figure on top.

49. A lone wolf howls at the moon.

trickyourpumpkin-@diyshowoff

Though we all know that the pack must be nearby. Has plenty of fall decor if you ask me.

50. A pumpkin house is always fitting.

YLofTYH

It even has sticks that make the roof, windows, and door. Also includes a fence and 2 jack-o’-lanterns.

The Creepy, Crawly World of Scary Halloween Craft Projects (Fifth Edition)

7e2a5fe2acf2b4c9c84e836e38653570

During October, it’s not unusual for people to make their homes into a haunted house. Fortunately,  plenty of retail stores have been willing to oblige since September. There’s even a store called Spirit Halloween, which is having its biggest season right now. After all, Halloween is a major cash cow holiday since it has so many fans. After all, unlike a lot of big holidays,you don’t have any obligation to spend Halloween with your family. Unless your children require adult supervision. Anyway, while most people prefer to buy their Halloween decorations, others may make their own. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of spooky Halloween crafts. Enjoy.

  1. Doilies are great for spider webs.
0a6a4a2f6cae025284494be02c525fcc

They’re stretched on rings and have plastic spiders on them. Not sure if you can use them for coasters.

2. You’ll find a lot of cobwebs on this frame.

0ad7e95148761fad27e27989ee0ac858

Well, this frame also has large plastic spiders on, too. Great for freaking out the arachnophobe in your life.

3. Your spider wreath can use a little bling.

0ebf83caf3fbbfc99ea929d36fbb13c8

It’s mostly covered in buttons. Recommended to hang on any front door of a haunted house.

4. A blinged  skull is essential for any haunted home.

1be7eac05bb1108c2e40814007f5fe4d

Though I wouldn’t recommend reciting Shakespeare with this one. Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well….”

5. Don’t mind the mummy at the front door.

1c92c9011b461e0a0e73faa025c6ad7b

It comes well wrapped. Then again, considering the cobwebs, you’d almost think it’s a cocoon.

6. This bony wreath can really use a hand.

2ab0e00f07a90e185886729dcfb36e75

Just make sure none of these skeleton hands came from a graveyard. Still, love how they spray painted them silver.

7. Care to light that bloody candle?

2f1fecf90170dc8fc56d31e30792806e

I’m sure the melted parts are painted red. Still, they kind of seem rather bloody disgusting.

8. She shows too much in that dress.

2f072d905253175a1f3d2143cde1b619

Because you can clearly see her bones. Not to mention, she has an unusually long tail.

9. You don’t want to drink anything from these bottles.

03d15e659ec2aaaf4720a743d6785a6d

All of these potions are made from the finest ingredients from Chernobyl. Don’t ask how they got them.

10. These wooden blocks are all ghostly.

3c56dd0bcb81e80de2f6bbc57368e49f

Well, they’re painted white with ghost faces on them. Great for a mantle or patio.

11. Hope you enjoy this spooky Halloween lantern.

8ad83b7ca67170b9a31bc889901896bf

Has an owl at the top with some other sparkly decor. While a ghost sits inside.

12. I believe the house is “Witch Way.”

4e98776c3ebff985e2f2790859592428

Will you find witches inside? Or just people giving candy to kids? Only enter if you dare.

13. A porcelain jack-o’-lantern can always use a stand.

57ae8474d9ed17edbb7d35deab18f631

This one has the pumpkin on a wreath of fall foliage. Makes a great centerpiece.

14. A bauble and feather wreath will certainly make your Halloween a festive occasion.

6df956309400aa15caece564087e1930

Even includes shiny jack-o’-lanterns. Just hang it on a wall or doorway with cautions. Because baubles are very delicate things.

15. That Halloween table can really use a spider web.

6e4a1f9a19a485a1f8f40324bba0cea5

This is made out of black tinsel garland you can get at a party store. Great for any Halloween party.

16. You’ll get a good scare out of this sign.

6f5ea68e8e08905b5a789e17e7fffbae

Says “Spooky.” The O’s have googly eyes along with a skull and crossed bones.

17. Even the trees can be quite monstrous.

07f64cdc2db8a9cb2a17508b03b08707

This is just a small tree with multiple eyes. And they can see everywhere.

18. Cousin Itt has come over to join us.

7c1d80b2e7b3bcf5a2a2f999684f9499

I’m sure this is just a figure with straw on it used for decoration. Still, Cousin Itt isn’t exactly hard to do.

19. Black roses often have eyes.

7cc32d2063f2b60c9e0a306c4ed05c61

This flower wreath is spray-painted black with eyeballs. Should you see this, enter if you dare.

20. This wreath is infested with spiders.

7daefdcd9995567f790ff35de09d5bad

Actually, it’s covered with plastic silver spiders. While a large one is on the bottom.

21. A feather wreath can use a few skulls.

7f518cf66966fe9b3c94859928b4a6c1

These skulls are in black, orange, green, and purple. Great for any haunted front door.

22. Seems like nobody touched these potion jars in a long time.

8bace969554d3fd92867c9532044d7db

Yet, despite the spiders and cobwebs, you see something glowing inside them. Someone might want to clean house once in awhile.

23. Perhaps you might find a wooden Frankenstein quite spooky.

8e737af9c611c9b419b05b1f6ac5c5b4

Well, it consists of 2 blocks and says “Spooky.” Sure it may not scare, but it’s adorable nonetheless.

24. You have to be crazy to come here.

9a1fb2950f85f443b437f5f3d8cfe86d

After all the signs warn “Dead End,” “Haunted,” and “Turn Back.” Covered in cobwebs with a crow on top.

25. Don’t let your trick-or-treaters go out without these bags.

9c3aeae9348d5e5928737e63bf52027f

They’re treat bags with jack-o’-lanterns on them. One is scary black. The other is a chilly white.

26. You won’t have bad luck with this black cat wreath.

16dd3e85ba32d5c531701263a6b3da9f

It’s fuzzy with whiskers and a nose. But at least it’s not as scary as the Cats trailer.

27. This sign will leave you screaming.

18b8d9152debc25b997031caca6fe427

It’s just a large, striped, panel that says, “EEK!” In purple letters with orange dots. Or are those lights?

28. Beware of what you drink from these bottles.

24e9a831f9a89669123e518bad41875a

They’re bottles spray-painted black and have labels on them. Good for display purposes only.

29. Hope you don’t piss off the owls.

30b07bfcfe9a7d965ce524957202ed01

Well, these owls are made out of wood. But the branches are quite eerie.

30. Guess the witch can’t get out of the ceiling.

624e38adf59a976c775d02679dab9c1c

Well, it’s an umbrella with legs. And she wore a green tulle slip, too.

31. Wonder what orange substance is in this jar.

43b5f968126ab6dcf5331ff9dcbc4d1b

Seems like the jar’s painted. Yet, the cameo is of a skeleton lady.

32. Perhaps you might like a green skull with glowing eyes.

46b15dcf2a1c1c4d786d3abb2a43cb44

It’s a green skull with eyes that light up. Perfect for any Halloween table on a dark and stormy night.

33. A jeweled witch’s hat can be quite magical.

47e03fdb028f134b3058aa9c67614def

It’s a green skull with eyes that light up. Perfect for any Halloween table on a dark and stormy night.

34. These ghosts travel all in a line.

48c0f8a22da7da08c0a77e18a0d3496c

They basically consist of white sheets, string, and a stick. But if you make one, be sure to make a lot of them.

35. There will be all eyes on this wreath.

053a03b92bd9b1bc77780000b38f787d

And yes, we’re talking that eyes are literally on this wreath. Also, lights up at night.

36. Hope these wooden ghosts don’t scare you.

53f9fe203777193481a1562aa0632bbe

Actually they seem rather friendly. But then again, they might just be putting it on to lure you into their clutches.

37.  Black cat lights make any room creepy.

54eb52f7a929d_-_crafts-cat-face-garland-1014-xln

These lights have black cats on them. So it seems like they’re eerily looking at you.

38. Paper mache can make monstrous creatures sitting around.

56da79e7330ef973b3c1b904098d4478

Consists of a hooded figure and a witch. These light up, by the way.

39. Zoltar will tell you your fortune.

64cd02eccc68a242ac182c7d23bdc6a7

Because Zoltar knows all. Even though his box is made out of cardboard.

40. Don’t let your kids near this demonic pumpkin.

65d3b01b3dfab78d05571f6743eaddef

Yes, the pumpkin looks as if it’s eating a trick-or-treater. Feel free to call his parents that he won’t be coming home tonight or ever.

41. All the most fashionable witches don some spider jewelry.

67ff3660ffb64f8438b027e6a30321b1

Includes a silver spider ring and a spider charm bracelet. Bracelet even includes a skeleton key.

42. Are those brains hanging from the ceiling?

77ec67c25c2ca45be2b49ff324bf8cc1

Well, they’re lit up so they’re not real. But you don’t want to be in the same room with them.

43. That witch better watch where she’s flying.

78a347ec3b1898cf4c0d8d270ed2ff75

Yep, she flew right into the wall on her broomstick. Sometimes those covens can get pretty wild.

44. Perhaps you might fancy a decoupage witch’s hat.

33a563ef7ca014a1aa19a81eeda0b2f4

I don’t think it’s meant for wearing though. Still, has a cobweb on the brim.

45. These candy trees are infested.

88fb9e654e041bc2fd2172406bbeb061

You don’t see as many candy decor on Halloween as you do on Christmas. Save the case for candy corn but that’s just sugar wax not fit for human consumption.

46. Hope these glowing hands don’t snatch you during the night.

99ca684f143fcfae3b51a67d358f8334

Not sure what these are supposed to be made of. Butt seeing floating and glowing hands around will scare the crap out of me.

47. Perhaps anyone into vintage stuff might appreciate this scary wreath.

126b1d4715a74d447596cea1b9c63738

This looks like it’s in tatters. Then again, being Halloween, that’s kind of the point.

48. How about a witch’s hat on a hat box?

214fa4773ffccd9ee283a3e2221a5ab2

So did the witch’s hat came from the hat box? If not, then what’s in it? Please don’t let it be like in Seven.

49. Don’t drink from a bottle under wraps.

230dcba7e97111211b6b45af8347cd93

Because the wine could be poisoned for all I know. Might contain a tablespoon of arsenic, a teaspoon of strychnine, and just a pinch of cyanide.

50. A steampunk pumpkin can use a few nuts and bolts.

281d21c7ea150cfeffc83fc45ed92618

After all, steampunk is all about the 19th century mecha gear. Though I doubt people at the time would do their pumpkins this way.

51. You can make frightful candle holders with wine glasses.

627f1624322b0086aa4cbfdb93ea8ea3

Consists of a vampire, Frankenstein’s monster, a witch, a pumpkin, and mummy. And yes, they all sparkle.

52. Perhaps a simple paper wreath will do this Halloween.

301d751645f63f1994d6d767f10d6185

This looks like it was made as a large, black origami flower. Perfect for any haunted front door this Halloween.

53. This witch looks rather potted today.

315e64dac68e2d8e07e180a6fa365246

That’s because she’s made out of flower pots of different sizes. Comes with a broomstick and black cat, too.

54. Don’t look now. But I think there’s a mummy at your door.

339cb56bb120b510d3fa3ad07ddadcc3

This door is wrapped except with the big eyes popping out. Probably meant for a school.

55. There’s something witchy about this glass block light.

392af040368be3aca2c2c01b79397ed1

Mostly because it’s a witch block light. Has a felt hat and scarf along with a wooden green nose.

56. Care to fly on a sparkly broom?

420c64ef57773969beb368a30b0186b2

The handles are wrapped with ribbons. The broom fringes contains glitter. Available in orange and purple.

57. Don’t go near the zombie in the corner.

430c0d6cd2c64a2f44eba94ce764d761

And yes, it looks incredibly realistic. Even has bones sticking out. But keep away if you dare.

58. Even the trees outside have faces.

671e0d1c89766cbb613f7b65a2016695

Yes, those are masks on trees. And yes, it’s creepy as hell. Stay away from the house nearby.

59. Wonder what kind of web this spider spins.

622c1d1658d835f4bbba076653830e56

It’s a yarn wreath with black flowers. The spider’s made out of yarn, too.

60. You’ll find silver skulls on this feather wreath.

691b3162509cf966581cf7ea5711e910

You’ll see cobwebs on there as well. Looks like it came straight out of the attics after gathering dust for decades.

61. A black garland makes a fine addition for any haunted home.

784c3b418d3c637cde49375df0d07dac

Comes with lights to glow in the night. Also includes black leaves and cobwebs.

62. This guy’s torch comes solar powered.

908be9e74cfc840aaa4f69a000dbd524

I’m sure this little guy’s light is scarier at night. But at least his methods are sustainable.

63. Sometimes a wine bottle is all you need.

0914d8c35fcb17468999a45fa47cff4e

This person took a green one and made a witch out of it. And they only had to paint the top green for the hat.

64. Nobody can resist a witch in a candy dress.

2395eac5a51f1e56d0301f4269290330

She’s even green with red hair. Though she’s more cute than scary.

65. Want some spiders on your china?

3240ae119a4a98cc86ac3560c04eff04

Well, the spiders are painted on the plates. Guaranteed to scare guests when hung on the wall.

66. Seems like we have a few monsters lurking in the bushes.

3862c985007a2c3a6c5958ffe1e55dc4

Then again, maybe the bushes have eyes. Or someone just stuck eyes on them.

67. This house really has a severe rat problem.

5911b6d86ac958a07f28f76dc30c15bc

Okay, they’re just rat silhouettes. So don’t call the exterminator just yet.

68. Milk bottle candle holders should always come a bit bloody.

6887ed6e31f908e81c351b88957258fc

Man, the red paint looks like it’s oozing from the top. Perfect for any Halloween party.

69. Don’t like wreaths? Hang up a tombstone.

9874dfe0f00e50339535d3ce71b2675f

They even have twisted weeds growing on it. Perfect for any Halloween front door.

70. Something’s creaking out of that coffin.

97584b50ac39004b47000a60343846bb

I don’t think that chain’s going to cut it. He could burst out at any moment.

71. Keep your things close this Halloween with a pumpkin purse.

220366d7064394694559cd50b4da7cb0

Consists of a plastic pumpkin with a sparkly handle. Decorated with a jingly cat mask.

72. Keep your things safe in this blinged out coffin box.

279624b81a92cbc909d2469294a2b5c8

Has jewels deck the top. Small enough for a table. Great for hamster funerals.

73. Sometimes a simple metal cauldron is all you need.

295871c6b31fe646830283bdac1a6180

Wonder if they use cauldrons like this at Hogwarts. There’s even a fake fire underneath.

74. Impress your Halloween party guests this year with a mounted Cthulu.

654744c00a406d8b2922dda4220b74ff

Brag how you vanquished the Lovecraftian monster into the depths of oblivion. Of course, they’ll think you’re talking shit, which you are.

75. I’m sure you don’t want to be caged alongside a rat.

841066a5dc2046efc292717a1a047867

Well, they’re skeletons in cages. The skeleton rat even has cheese to eat.

76. You’ll find a few birds on this bonsai tree.

862967f46be417b9dbfefe6f82708520

This even has orange woven baskets on the branches. Also decorated in cobwebs.

77. Make sure to give your haunted home a spooky entrance.

1202223d5f5003c6e9108c3c8f0e04ec

The front entrance has toilet paper like mummy wraps. Also give a spooky touch with chains and lanterns.

78. These candles have melted significantly.

35406783b84e8d892a6f4034abc16129

Okay, the candles are fake. And so are the flames. So they’re perfectly safe.

79. There are snakes slithering on the black dowels.

70531314bca4f2ad9b891c1bb0693907

Or are those candlesticks? Either way, the snakes are plastic.

80. A tree is composed of many pumpkins.

232942465a8bd606e71ac9ae5d92cbc1

The tree is painted on the pumpkins. And they’re held on by a bookshelf.

81. Count down to Halloween with this panel.

6593867558ff1da40f6eb748d4df32eb

This was obviously erected in September. Since it says “32 days until trick or treating.”

82. Wonder what’s in this big creepy book.

a0de1a90b55abed266612657b29684f8

It’s actually a box. And yes, it has a spider’s web on top. So you can hide your bloody knife in it.

83. A wicked candle holder can use some black lace.

a7ad183b55036d4ad2961b126e2510b8

Since it really brings out a haunted house look. Don’t forget to include spiders.

84. You’ll find plenty of little bats on this striped wreath.

a8bd00ab90cdf45c1b204acf5a910f32

It’s a cloth wreath of white and orange stripes. And it’s hung by a black and white striped strip.

85. Snowmen are for Christmas. Pumpkin men are for Halloween.

a67f01b7f8d614f855bf345124490535

This jack-o’-lantern even has a hat and fall scarf. But, hey, at least he’s not carved out at the head.

86. Put your kids and pets’ silhouettes on these white pumpkins.

a7854b8302e6183a8b0c7203eb104061

Includes one of a boy, a girl, and a dog. Each is surrounded by a black lace frame.

87. A witch’s hat can use some more flair.

a0506691eb403075d4e774650b5c7c85

They’re on stands with black tulle and flowers. But they’re not meant for wearing. So they’re just decorative.

88. Someone’s pet is all bone and crazy red eyes.

af11c60068996e2789a88aca50ba3d1c

Is this supposed to be a dog? Then again, you can’t tell by just the skeleton. Unless you’re a zoologist.

89. If you need some grease, this happy jack is all you need.

afdd7f3518c341fce1595a536d0736d1

It’s just an oil can with a jack-o’-lantern. But I don’t think it contains real oil.

90. How about a hay ride in your haunted home?

b0c4b82f78a690ffd45c5821ce8071b5

This is a little scene with gourds and little hay bales. Even has a little black cat.

91. You’ll find plenty of crows on this centerpiece.

b01f0177437df4988a51c776b6b4a031

They’re on top of a glass and black flowers. There’s even a haunted house inside.

92. Stash your poisons in this potion box.

b35ec992e01e07e520f3735e654d63bf

It’s just a craft box. Though I love how they painted it.

93. That witch should watch out for that Halloween tree.

b82e27fd4035bcc96a4567d9a783b38d

Well, she went in head first. Though the tree is quite dazzling.

94. You’ll find the snakes under the rug.

b60048803b3fd56f5ca2b623c95edf15

Relax, they’re just plastic. But tell that to Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones Jr.

95. Care to use a potion tray?

c8a8c365f16f4b2de1000d84174c3c00

What’s in these bottles almost seems all too real. Yet, please don’t eat any of the contents.

96. This gate must be a prime crow hangout spot.

c9d87a2dbcf623a2d0175261b47df181

Okay, these are fake. But it certainly gives you a chill up your spine.

97. A candy corn bouquet might suit your tastes.

c73dd5d4429b34d7c2d6d4d5c856ddb3

Includes 2 crows. While most of the foliage looks quite dead.

98. Perhaps a haunted birdcage for your raven will be to your liking.

c97dac629274973a0f09d07dda6b2f54

This one is made out of metal and includes lights. Also, the bird is fake. Not sure if it says, “Nevermore.”

99. These skeletons can really use a hand.

ca295ec7e019e0f8b026e0455d123ad8

They don’t seem to have the proper equipment to climb the roof. So they help each other to varying degrees of success.

100. This witchy wreath should have some flowers.

d6bde07159988eb0b2ff6c2d0e7f8634

Includes witch boots and hat. Not to mention, might contain a pumpkin or two.

Halloween Party Tricks or Treats (But Mostly Treats, Sort of) (Sixth Edition)

Halloween-Party-Recipes-Feautred-Image.jpg

Now that October has begun, it’s time to get scary. So I usually begin with my post of Halloween treats. Though I usually start after Columbus Day, I’m going to Charlotte to see my sister sometime later this month. So I decided to get the Halloween posts out early. Nonetheless, you find plenty of Halloween delights ranging from the utterly disgusting to the endlessly adorable. They may consist of ghosts, jack o’ lanterns, Frankenstein monsters, body parts, skeletons, witches, and what not. Yet, spooky food is bound to make one’s Halloween party worthwhile. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Halloween treats. Enjoy, if you dare.

  1. Want an eyeball in your monster cupcake?
00c80c22a4780540f5ece0c43bc3b2ad

These are chocolate topped with green icing and slime. Perfect for any monster mash.

2. These cookies are really batty.

0b6cce5719142e9f4866e6efa723a0c9

While most bat cookies have black wings, these have wings in a variety of colors and patterns. Like the purple one with stars.

3. Hope you give any bones about these skull cupcakes.

0cdbd05c6ce2f115409645914fdab9d7

The skulls are probably made from candy. Has M&M eyes. So cute and scary.

4. Help yourself to a spider bun.

0f48d0b2d306a18baf14a91957cf6020

Seems like they contain cheese and are toasted underneath. Also have pretzel stick legs.

5. These Frankenstein Rice Krispie treats are monstrously tasty.

1bc20f9f86896d68e3c7338c154065c5

Each consists of a bar with a Frankenstein monster face. They’re so cute it’s scary.

6. Nothing makes your monster mash like these monster cupcakes.

2a933cad8e0a447838465d76c678ab63

Well, the monsters are quite cute than scary. Though a purple one does have 3 eyes.

7. Can I interest you in Frankencake?

2b4731e7b5e36c74bd5a456cf736e17d

It’s just a cake with Frankenstein’s monster on it. A perfect dessert for any Halloween party.

8. A jack o’ lantern calzone makes an ideal hot lunch.

2d3d1969841f83be7f2945b6f745251c

I call it a calzone since it has a jack o’ lantern crust on top of it. But it’s nonetheless adorable.

9. Perhaps your little monster would like this haunted house bento house.

3b039d39c6a458b103c80d919c300ee8

The haunted house is made from cheese on a pita. Includes bats and ghosts.

10. Nobody can resist these batty cupcakes.

3b3221f49a7ebf7cb91edb0f9c25a4e5

They have faces made out of cookies. Also have chocolate cookie wings.

11. Want a piece of this jack o’ lantern cake?

3c3262a563e6b53aae841abcf53b0920

It’s actually a tear away cupcake cake. Feel free to take a bite if you dare.

12. Want to try these ghostly strawberries?

04a1205d38939aa3a0254ccd5dcc5038

These are strawberries dipped in white chocolate. Contain chocolate chip eyes and mouths.

13. Impress your Halloween party guests with this jack o’ lantern snack tray.

4a1e74ece26e28bc6532ac52ee56a05c

Luckily most snacks are in shades of yellow and orange. Use olives for the eyes, nose, and mouth.

14. A chocolate pretzel monster might suit your fancy.

4a8b4c4df43340ee9471bccde1dadb57

These are mostly pretzel sticks covered in chocolate. These are purple.

15. This scary cake is bound to be a grave yard smash.

4eb6626b7176198e1c582820af0b0fdc

It’s a graveyard cake. Even has a graham cracker shack and cookie tombstones.

16. Apparently, the witch got smashed by this cupcake.

4f913405a6cea6ae6f5018d821a25346

You could see her legs though. By the way, cupcake has green icing.

17. Seems like these monstrous cake pops are here to see you.

05d3556156eaa25060f9f3fbe21e6f0f

Each of them has an eye made from icing and M&Ms. But each is iced and sprinkled in a different color.

18. You’ll come crawling for this spider cookie.

5a1b05aa8d8beb98bd0891f18a49d2d7

This one has M&M and chocolate chip eyes. Also has pretzel legs. So cute.

19. Hocus Pocus fans would love these brownies.

5fe53b90b5a6b0253736b72c81ce9a32

They’re the book brownies from that movie. Each of them contains an eye.

20. You can dip anything into this cheesy pumpkin.

6ae645f38fafa1abd8e08922d66e6f98

Covered either by Cheez-Its or Doritos. Facial features consist of olive pieces.

21. You’ll find plenty of scary creatures on this cheese pizza.

6aff3939078c4c72fca488d5163a7bc3

Consists of spiders, bats, pumpkins, and ghosts. Great for any Halloween party and lunch.

22.  Perhaps you’d want a tombstone on a Rice Krispie treats.

807637433c0b005dace237aaa753a9b6

Seems more like a pudding treat. Has candy corn pumpkins beside the Oreo tombstones.

23. Feel free to have a chocolate spider.

6b359b5bc4078e1ede66a42425f9021b

Man, these look creepy. All have licorice legs and blackberry heads.

24. These black cat cakes will always make your Halloween purr-fect.

6e944f5f62cef068bc8ee516b800cbd4

Each of these even has green eyes. Also they’re covered in chocolate. Must be delicious.

25. Want some green hot chocolate?

8b1812a21c6e715386e3e581ed0d3858

The marshmallows have eyes. Don’t want to know what’s cooking in that cup.

26. Eat, drink, and be scary with these Halloween pop tarts.

8c689f0c5097f6cf11e47fbf96215be6

Not sure what these are. Are they hot pockets? Pop tarts? Calzones?

27. This pizza is infested with spiders.

8ce709b25414ce65172a49175eeec4b9

Relax, these are olives on a spider web pizza. And yes, the web’s made from cheese.

28. Make your Halloween fun with these peeps cupcakes.

8fbd9b9abedf142b844f7f9952ba22ad

Yes, they have those inedible marshmallow candies for Halloween, too. It’s all part of Christmasfication at its finest. After all, why stick with one holiday if you can profit from them all?

29. Get a bite out of these jack o’ lantern cookies.

Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

Each of these is professionally decorated. While they all have their own unique expressions.

30. These cookies are nothing short of monstrous.

43e0ac79dbbf19b3ee59c40dc9313d8f

Well, there only a few monsters here. One’s a mummy, by the way.

31. Pumpkin or black cat peanut butter bites, anyone?

48ee971413b8d7dca17bccf74600b5bf

They’re all covered in chocolate. Though only the cats have eyes, ears, and a tail.

32. These spider buns are especially cheesy.

62eabe730db3ee0cc73856aba67b50b2

They’re also covered in poppy seeds. So best you don’t eat if you have a job interview coming up sometime that week.

33. You’ll find plenty of spiders crawling on this cake.

62f806a6879608c1c1391603d7191b94

They seem to be made of peanut M&Ms. Come in green, orange, and yellow.

34. Feel free to dip your nachos in Franckenguac.

67a8b522b8aec66d4bb3426ab4fc09ab

Because Frankenstein’s monster is normally depicted in green. Hair’s made out of black nachos. Facial features made from sour cream and olives.

35. You’ll be crawling for these Halloween spider cookies.

68b0da933ad1e7ad2fb81d9287543d8b

They’re peanut butter cookies with Reese’s cups. Have icing legs and eyes with chocolate chip pupils.

36. You might enjoy these ghostly chocolate cake bites.

72e2b10abd257e7cc8a9315c2bcd3493

They’re dripped with white icing and chocolate chip eyes. Though before you dump the icing, put them on a plate first.

37. Want some ghostly pizza bites?

74cfc311b1252535ee4a69bb6a0b2a9a

Each of these is on a little pizza as a slice of cheese. And yes, they’re spookily adorable.

38.  Feel free to feast on this jack o’ lantern veggie tray.

075c3589c85e0e33efc7564872d9fb0d

Mostly consists of baby carrots. Mouth and nose are made from cucumber slices. Eyes are dip bowls. While the stem’s mostly celery.

39. You’ll love these adorably frightful meringue spiders.

85db4a7421042b990d3b95f1dfe80044

And yes, they’re chocolate. Got to love the licorice legs and beady green M&M eyes.

40. These zombie cookies are good beyond the grave.

89b443c78d7cfe2488bd875f763f4bc5

You can tell they’re zombies since they have brains sticking out. Not to mention missing an eye.

41. Have a spooky good time with some ghostly bark.

90a9388088eef1ba9c527addfb906aae

It’s just bark with ghosts on it. Available in orange and purple.

42. Want to taste some Jell-O witch’s brew?

91ffdab6dba57064642ec32825be29e2

It’s just a pudding cauldron cup with eyes and candy bones. Perfect for any Halloween party.

43. Perhaps you’d want a cake like this on the graveyard shift.

93c05fb68c9461c77558082742c7fff0

It’s actually a 2-tiered graveyard cake. Has a tombstone at the top. Also includes ghosts and pumpkins.

44. Perhaps you’d like a small monster truffle.

136f79356e991e1a74a5552623e8230a

Doused in purple icing and decorated in sprinkles. Sure they may be cyclops. But they’re adorable.

45. Feel free to take a brainy cupcake.

311f6f2b95ab04c0ab44f0f922292ce7

I was wondering when I’ll get to some of the more disgusting treats. Still, the brains are made of icing.

46. These jack o’lantern cupcakes can be frightfully delightful.

494a938ab9a44551473c740c4385a53f

All have orange icing that’s dripping on the edges. All have a marshmallow jack-o’-lantern on top.

47. Grace your Halloween dessert platter with this zombie unicorn cake.

782aa4a568142dce7e3bae5d902b3038

Because why should we be deprived unicorns this Halloween? Sure it’s dead but it’s quite scary for the occasion.

48. Your spooky Halloween party’s never complete without some jack-o’-lantern cupcakes.

791a2bcb1bec0a5279fbe010dd3e4fcf

You can see they’re decked with orange and black icing. Some have candy leaves on them.

49. Treat your witches with these witch hat cookies.

808e6fc9fbe33baaf751e4894d8fb290

They mostly consist of chocolate shortbread cookies with Hershey’s kisses on them. Each has a different color icing ribbon.

50. Treat yourself this Halloween with some spider pudding pie.

823fc9479c48380b552717569a0343f9

This mostly consist of a spider web with Oreo spiders on them. Their eyes are so cute.

51. Who could ever resist these Twinkie ghosts?

871e931e19560043d5fc5c56ebd5c652

These consist of Twinkies cut in half, doused in white chocolate, and sport chocolate chip eyes. And yes, they’re adorable.

52. You’d be scared not to take these cookies.

931ffb9c278c3cf33ce54ff1c63a612b

Mostly consist of black cats and bats. And all covered in black sprinkles.

53. Want to try this chocolate spider web cookie cake?

997b5581545a05e7ab016aca68d37d79

It’s on a chocolate cookie with white icing. And yes, the spiders are made out of Oreos.

54. Want a slice of candy corn cake?

2331a2698f70bda82401cb03850063b3

Well, at least it’s tastier than the real sugar wax candies. Even have a smiling face.

55. Some witch must’ve run into a cake.

3839d3a9630e63700bcbc45de106b9e2

She might’ve been drunk on too much potion. Please don’t drink and fly. You never know what you’ll hit.

56. You’ll be crawling for a chocolate spider’s web cheesecake.

5061e07700ec536884f4b0d9ae7b9278

This one has a more refined web design. The spider’s made from a chocolate cookie.

57. Nothing makes a spooky Halloween party like a jack-o’-lantern cake.

6012b0362c5bacec7ebf8a614883e48c

Of course, you’d have to use multiple layers. Not to mention put a green ice cream cone on top.

58. Perhaps you might want a meringue ghost or two.

7584b153ab8dda4fd91d6ba177a5e5f5

And yes, they’re white with chocolate chip eyes. Perfect for your Halloween dessert platter.

59. You’d like to break with these Frankenstein Kit-Kat bars.

35967e5c968a1b729de0827a05f2cc27

They’re just Kit-Kat bars with Frankenstein faces. And yes, they’re covered with icing with chocolate chip eyes. Also uses Reese’s cups for hair.

60. You’ll be all wrapped up with these mummy Oreos.

92072fdb3972c53fcc9eaa03ec195fa8

They’re in white chocolate with drizzle. While these are served on black napkins.

61. You won’t have any bad luck with this black cat cake.

93536eb3bbd6bb832cf47a2c8f80c8ea

Technically it’s a chocolate cake with chocolate icing. But it’s still cute even with rather intimidating features.

62. These cauldron cupcakes are quite bubbly.

97107fb767cc9749a03b8d561736c351

Though I think the bubbles are just candy. While they all seemed stirred by a pretzel stick.

63. For your black cat cake, try these black cat cupcakes.

902618dea5535e7b6252495245c484fb

Yes, they’re more chocolate than black. But they’re all covered in sprinkles.

64. There’s something ghostly about this pudding treat.

977240dc761bf194f7fba4da86f76ccc

Well, the ghost is made from white chocolate. Then again, it might be an ice cream treat. Has chocolate chip eyes, too.

65. You wouldn’t want to venture into this Oreo graveyard.

388090370a613a42f3080bde8d410937

Seems more like a pudding treat. Has candy corn pumpkins beside the Oreo tombstones.

66. Grace your appetizer platter with this scary clown veggie tray.

a3f082d7c290e7ffd48aa6c9d6f0aafb

These veggies are so healthy it’s scary. And yes, this clown will still scare the hell out of you.

67. Bet you might want to feast on this tombstone cupcake.

346230659198176789d3846eb44f1cde

Yes, that’s a worm. But the tombstone’s made out of a wafer cookie sandwich.

68. These Rice Krispie treats sure get quite brainy.

a036d04f90549de46d0ecce20a303ad0

Yes, they’re shaped like brains which is pretty disgusting. And yes, they’re pretty disgusting.

69. These eye of newt donuts are simply monstrous.

a78b2cf1af40701bbd5d3644bcab8ecb

All of these drip in brightly colored icing with candy eyes. While they’re all decorated with sprinkles.

70. Perhaps you might want some lunch with Death.

a78c46e4556ddce2df19518a1767559a

Includes the Grim Reaper dressed in a robe of black nachos around a salad skeletal face. He even has a scythe. So cute.

71. These ghost cake squares will be great for your Halloween dessert platter.

a377fd79c32afca5c12348b89f66673f

The ghosts are tufts of whipped cream with chocolate chip eyes. While the squares are orange with a chocolate bottom.

72. No one can resist these monstrous whoopie pies.

a1175975720c4a3ba0f1c5a39d48eb83

Each of these are made out of brownie with a white chocolate chip jaw. They even have their tongues sticking out.

73.  Monster pretzels make a scary Halloween snack.

aeab0a3d75eda17cd1b91bcc10ca7d7f

Each one has an eye on it. And yes, they’re all a variety of different colors.

74. Someone must’ve bit into these cupcakes.

b62a1ba627377e79e7a4902956262afd

Well, those are supposed to be vampire fang marks. Since they vant to suck your blood, which strawberry syrup.

75. With these peeps, have a spooky graveyard cake.

bb89c2127ed93486aafbc0781344154e

Sure, you might not eat the peeps. But they’re quite scary with the grave signs and ghosts.

76. These chocolate owl pretzels will certainly be a hoot.

bc1c66250028f29826e58384ce067d5a

Each of these has eyes of chocolate chip and icing. Their noses are made out of peanut M&Ms.

77. Want a bloody truffle?

bcc2580b2ed116a732aa8bc6c7d41190

These have knifes and axes going through them, which I don’t think are edible. The blood is made out of cherry syrup, I think.

78. These mummy pretzels come all wrapped up.

bd8edde43b51a6799eaf2f0722dd9ea5

They’re pretzel sticks dipped in white chocolate and covered in drizzle. Yet, all have smiley faces.

79.  You can really sink your teeth into these vampire cookie sandwiches.

bfe0270a81aa6b775c944572ed93f64e

These are chocolate chip cookies with chocolate icing filling. They also have M&M eyes and white chocolate chip fangs.

80. Feel free to dip into this cheesy brain.

c04c7a35b34f57b1a0ce2693f1226aeb

Yes, that’s a brainy cheese ball. Perfect on any Halloween appetizer platter.

The Wonderful World of Album Covers (Sixth Edition)

sgt-pepper-s-lonely-hearts-club-band-albums-photo-1

Once again, I move on to album covers. Of course, who can remember the awesome design with the Beatles’ cover of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. You might recognize some celebrities the Beatles are standing with. Nonetheless, great album covers like this one are always remembered and treasured. However, since I’ve done a post like this for years, you get the idea that we’re not going on a nostalgia trip here. Instead, we’ll look at album covers that were long forgotten for some reason. And not because many didn’t have good music on the records. Some have aged terribly. Some are outrages. While some are just plain weird. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy vintage album covers.

  1. La Wanda: MUTHA*Is Half a Word
Bad Album Covers (2)

For some reason, I have serious doubts she’s a virgin. Also, she should’ve known she was pregnant by now.

Apparently, this woman’s in for a real surprise.

2. Henri Salvador: Le Martien Count Basie: L’Inspiration Syracuse

Bad Album Covers (3)

I don’t understand the sci-fi concept behind this album cover. I mean the guy’s in blue make up with a weird diamond helmet.

Man, this Martian really creeps me out.

3. The Pinups: Wild Thing

Bad Album Covers (4)

Is that a dead hooker in the car? Okay, that’s really disturbing. Hell, this whole album cover is unsettling.

Don’t tell me they’re supposed to be prostitutes licking lollipops.

4. Dani: Dani

Bad Album Covers (5)

Apparently, being surrounded by clowns can put you in a rather terrifying situation. Also, why isn’t Pennywise in here?

Perhaps this woman has spent too much time with the circus.

5. Mirka Kodica: Bajo

bajo

Seriously, this guy kind of reminds me of those bad 1980s prom pictures. Funnier that he’s wearing a shiny striped suit with a stern expression.

When you have to resort to a backup outfit for your prom picture.

6. The Bee Gees: Life in a Tin Can

Bee-Gees-Life-In-A-Tin-Can

Of course, how they could fit in this old pop can, I’ll never know. Let’s not think about this one too hard.

Apparently, the Bee Gees haven’t been doing too well these days.

7. Brad Swanson: Brad Swanson Goes Hawaiian

BradSwanson

Still, the guy’s posing with women who look awfully young. While his eyes bear some ill intent. Don’t like where this is going.

So, how does Hawaiian organ music sound like?

8. Cerrone: Supernature

cerrone-supernature

Yes, the animal masks are freaky. But what the hell are they doing in a hospital operating room with a fake body on the gurney?

Beware of the animal masked people under the gurney.

9. Conway Twitty: I’m Not Through Loving You Yet

ConwayTwitty2

Since his wife left him, Conway’s fashion sense has gone out the window. He’s kind of bitter about the divorce. His wife’s got a lawyer and is suing him for half his assets.

Apparently, Conway’s going through a rough patch in his life.

10.  Def Leppard: On Through the Night

Def-Leppard

When we start settling Mars, we might have to train astronauts to be truck drivers. Not sure how that’s going to work out.

In the future, large semis will transport giant guitars in space.

11. The DeFranco Family featuring Tony DeFranco: Save the Last Dance for Me

DeFranco

Those 1970s haircuts certainly don’t help either. That one guy in the back knows how lame this photo op is.

Of course, everyone had to wear a top matching the background with a sequined animal on it.

12. Ed Ames: My Cup Runneth Over

EdAmes

Then again, to each his own. After all, Ed could really be a nice guy. But that doesn’t help his hairstyle.

You have to wonder what the blond woman sees in this guy.

13. Engelbert Humperdinck: Engelbert Sings for You

Englebert

Actually he’s wearing a 1970s jumpsuit and a necklace. But yeah, he probably spent too much time at the tanning salon that day.

Released during a time when Humperdinck was moonlighting as an Elvis impersonator who spent too much time in a tanning salon.

14. The Gary Walker Singers: “I Shall Never Forget the Day.”

GaryWalker2

I mean the instruments consist of accordion, banjo, and electric guitars. Also, that one guy looks like David Hasselhoff.

So what genre is this supposed to be?

15. David Cassidy: The Higher They Climb

higher-they-climb

Here he jumps to reach a star in front of a large crowd of people. While he holds a white guitar in his hand that matches his jumpsuit. Don’t ask me who came up with this idea.

Didn’t know David Cassidy had the power of levitation.

16. Oscar Brand: Sports Car

Hilarious Album Covers (1)

Apparently, you can sit on it, too. As long as the long staff is well into your ass. Boy, that woman’s going to be sore. But for now, she’s reading like it doesn’t seem to bother her.

My, that’s one large tire jack.

17. Jean Carroll: Girl in a Hot Steam Bath

Hilarious Album Covers (2)

The one guy in the bathroom’s reading a newspaper with shoes and socks on like it’s nothing. While the women on the other side are checking him out.

Didn’t know they had unisex steam rooms.

18. Orel Turkbas: How to Make Your Husband a Sultan

Hilarious Album Covers (3)

Helps if you dress in a jingling bikini that resembles what Princess Leia would wear if Jabba’s palace was a disco. Yet, she doesn’t wear the long chain nor strangle a huge blob monster who used her frozen boyfriend as wall decoration.

A belly dancer shares her tips for wives to please their husbands in the bedroom.

19. The Singing Richey Family: I’m Going Home…To Watch the Flowers Bloom

Hilarious Album Covers (7)

I bet the mom’s like, “I shall call her Mini Me.” Hell, they’re wearing the same pink dress.

Apparently, big hair is an inherited trait.

20. Pedro Pinho and Paulo Pontes: Berrante Do Tempo

Hilarious Album Covers (8)

Man, these outfits are atrocious. Look at the pink top with gold sleeves. Is it 1970s or what?

When you and your buddy pose in the same space age outfit.

21. Tesura: Fruko y sus Tesos

Hilarious Album Covers (12)

They even have chain around a dog and one guy holds a big cigar. But badass they are not.

When your tough guy act goes absolutely nowhere.

22. Maria Luisa Landin: Con la Voy del Alma….

Hilarious Album Covers (13)

Seriously, why is her reflection appearing in the glass like that? Does she think she has something on her nose?

When you’re staring into a wine glass when your date doesn’t show up.

23. Rito Esclavo: Pedro Laza y sus Pelayeros

Hilarious Album Covers (14)

I mean she’s literally tied to a man by her wrists with rope. And she’s wearing a Sword-and-Sandal costume. So is she supposed to be dragged? Or is she kind of into it? Because I want to know how to feel here.

Is this supposed to be slavery or a kinky bondage routine?

24. Reb Allen: Country Hits

Hilarious Album Covers (17)

Still, I know they’re supposed to be prison stripes. But they kind of remind me of pajamas. Also how is he able to play guitar on the rocks?

During his stay in prison, Reb would provide the chain gang entertainment during long, hard days.

25. Gordon Calcote: Folsom Prison Blues

Hilarious Album Covers (18)

Nonetheless, I think the cover is more appropriate for “Prisoners of Love.” Also, this pen seems to have a very generous conjugal visit policy.

If you want a sexy version of this hit, we got you covered.

26. The Game Is Over Soundtrack

Hilarious Album Covers (19)

Yes, this a soundtrack from a forgettable Jane Fonda movie. Still, naked in the jungle, what can possibly go wrong with that?

Apparently, Naked and Afraid is older than I thought.

27. Il Medico…la Studentessa Original Film Soundtrack

Hilarious Album Covers (22)

Okay, it’s probably not a porn movie and I apologize to anyone offended. Still, I’m sure these two are about to play “doctor” at any moment. Seriously, look how the guy’s grabbing the woman’s leg.

Didn’t know they made soundtracks for porn films.

28. Alan Hale: Skipper Alan Hale’s Roman Orgy

Hilarious Album Covers (24)

Apparently, the cover implies that a Roman orgy’s just a fancy toga party. But it’s more like a hedonistic free for all with drinking, partying, and group sex.

Also known as the R-Rated version of Gilligan’s Island.

29. Pilz Band: Schtarch Sy

Hilarious Album Covers (25)

You’d almost think it was a 1980s version of The Office starring Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander. Got to like that one guy’s shirt.

When your office band hits the big time.

30. Crosby, Stills, and Nash: Live It Up

live-it-up

So, how can you roast hotdogs on the moon? It has no atmosphere so you can’t light a fire. Oh, those guys are climbing on the sticks? Was the designer on drugs?

Spent roasting hotdogs on the moon.

31. Orrin Star: Fun Songs & Fancy Pickin’

OrrinStar

Heard that he was a musician and shop teacher by day. And a porn star by night during the 1970s. Naturally, him and Adrien aren’t on speaking terms.

Boy, Adrien Brody’s dad is incredibly lame.

32. Orion: Rockabilly

RockabillyOrion

He wears a mask because he’s fugitive from another state. Not what he did. Still, reminds me of a Will Ferrell SNL sketch for some reason.

This man seems to have an interesting Elvis impersonator routine.

33. El Baile Aleman: Senor Coconut y su Conjunto

senor-coconut

The one guy is framed in a star because he couldn’t make it to the photo session. But he wore the same outfit nonetheless.

Hope you enjoy the puffy sleeves.

34. Terri Gibbs: Over Easy

TerriGibbs2

Because “Terri” is a female rendition of that name. But the person kind of has a more masculine disposition. Then again, maybe Terri’s just gender fluid.

Is that supposed to be a woman or a guy wearing lipstick?

35. Elna Fredhoy og Rigmor Odum

The Worst Album Covers Ever Created (7)

Funny, how one could easily pass as Matthew McConaughey’s grandmother. Hope she plays alright, alright, alright.

One plays guitar. The other plays the accordion.

36. Quim Barriero: Recibe um Convite (A Casa Joquina)

The Worst Album Covers Ever Created (8)

Heard he got his start playing polka music at a nudist colony. Then again, he seems to have stripped all his clothes off.

Someone enjoys playing naked accordion.

37. Knuz Zopy3em

The Worst Album Covers Ever Created (17)

These guys have such blase expressions that they see no hope out of their boring and meaningless lives. Though I like that front man’s tie.

Featuring hit songs from this up and coming Soviet group. Just feel the excitement.

38. Kjell Kraghe: Vind I Seglen

The Worst Album Covers Ever Created (19)

And yet his clothes don’t seem the slightest bit wet. Then again, it’s photoshop.

Look out there’s a giant guy in a 1970s jumpsuit on the horizon.

39. “Whoopee” John Wilfahrt and his Orchestra: Dance Night

Whoopee

For God’s sake would you take the name Wilfahrt seriously? Also, that dancing couple seems all too happy.

Apparently, why they didn’t ask John Wilfahrt to change is name is a riddle for the ages.

40. Mijus Svetlana: Klik-Klak

worst_yugoslavian_album_covers_01

Well, maybe Russians don’t mind women not shaving. Since they’re probably more focused on trying to get by. Still, she looks pretty silly in that outfit. Also what are those strings with balls supposed to mean?

Is that armpit hair?

41. Buldozer

worst_yugoslavian_album_covers_02

So basically this cover consists of women mooning. I’m sure the moral guardians won’t be happy with that.

Apparently, these women decided to stick their butts to the window.

42. Jasar: Zena Moje Mladosti

worst_yugoslavian_album_covers_04

I mean the guy seems more right at home on Stranger Things. Also, is he smoking a cigarette?

Here this Yugoslavian singer poses for a photo like teenage boy on his way to prom in the 1980s.

43. Oliver Mandic: Probaj Me

worst_yugoslavian_album_covers_16

So is he supposed to be the Yugoslavian equivalent to David Bowie or Boy George? Also the name Mandic is hard to take seriously as an English speaker.

Here he sits on his red suitcase waiting for a ride while wearing his matching red leather suit.

44. Sneki: Ti Saluto Italia

worst_yugoslavian_album_covers_23

Then again, it kind of makes sense. Since Italians are into soccer and high fashion. Still, the woman seems like a snake lady to me.

Apparently, saluting Italy means having a sexy woman near a soccer goal.

45. Father Robert White: The Reverend in Rhythm

Worst-Album-Covers-Father-Robert

I think this might’ve become a meme. Still, I don’t think you can dance to that song listing. Also kind of reminds me of Matthew McConaughey for some reason.

Just a priest with a pipe who can play some tunes.

46. Jonah Jones: I Dig Chicks

Worst-Album-Covers-I-Dig-Chicks

Still, they shouldn’t be there. No, I don’t see anything wrong with women on a back hoe. But these women aren’t clad in the proper safety equipment. So they run a high risk of injury or death.

Apparently, someone doesn’t see anything wrong with these women being at construction sites for fan service.

47.  Barry Louis Polisar: I Eat Kids and Other Songs for Rebellious Children

Worst-Album-Covers-I-Eat-Kids

Seriously, why would anyone have a song about eating kids? Is this an album used to traumatize children?

I don’t think his baby appreciates the title.

48. Janet Greene: Country and Spanish Flavors

Worst-Album-Covers-Janet-Greene-Boobs

After all, she wouldn’t want anything to scald her uh, boobs. Yes, I get that her boobs get considerable attention on this cover.

Let’s hope she doesn’t spill anything on her chest.

49. The Happy Sound of Ragtime

Worst-Album-Covers-Ragtime-Whores

Because what makes a wholesome image of ragtime like seeing a fat rich guy being served by 2 hookers. Seriously, the woman’s putting some money in her stocking.

Available at an Old West brothel near you.

50. Trevor Crozier and Friends: Trouble Over Bridgewater

Worst-Album-Covers-trevor-crozier

Despite that nobody dresses like that nowadays. Still, I don’t think he’ll find any gold with this album.

He’s just an old prospector having a beer.

 

 

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Eighth Edition)

a1d856c5c4afe4d863ba46f12a42a64e

Though I usually do postcards before this time, I had some things going on for me during the summer that I didn’t do a lot of blog posts recently. Anyway, this October, my family and I plan on going to Charlotte to see my sister who lives there. We plan to stay for a weekend during the middle of the month. So perhaps I might want to get some old vintage postcards. No, not the ones you normally. More along the lines of those that come across as tacky, insane, weird, or laughably bad. Since we can all use a laugh now and then. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of terrible old timey postcards. Enjoy.

  1. Need to do a bit of landscaping?
tumblr_l5anrxja4C1qbyf2j

Cause you need the proper lawn implements and extension cord. Doesn’t hurt to do it in Bermuda shorts and flats.

2. Jane Irwill is designed to be lived in.

tumblr_lgdx9ry9qb1qbyf2jo1_1280

Jane enjoys singing on the mic. Kim wishes she’d stop and so she can steal the song from under her.

3. Want to advertise? Picture your product here.

tumblr_l5zuwq30721qbyf2j

Of course, they have to put a woman in a swimsuit for extra sex appeal. So I guess the product advertised here is the air mattress.

4. You can always enjoy going to the laundromat.

tumblr_l8ekfaGoMz1qbyf2j

Because you can’t necessarily afford a brand new washer and dryer. Hope you have plenty of coins and patience.

5. Nothing makes your day like wearing a colorful hat.

tumblr_l8ntdj96Yv1qbyf2j

But Susie thinks she looks like an idiot in hers. She wouldn’t even want to be caught dead wearing it at a Jimmy Buffett concert.

6. “Want to see my matching Wrap-Sak?”

tumblr_l8ucv9XS961qbyf2j

She’s talking about the robe. But it comes with a matching head towel to dry one’s hair. Still, despite having perfect hair, she doesn’t seem to like brushing it.

7. You’ll find these shakers easy to use.

tumblr_ln38exwmFB1qbyf2jo1_1280

Since they contain plastic lids you can easily open and close. Available in 4 different colors.

8. Take a look at these giant airplane controls.

tumblr_l9dqh0JzuF1qbyf2j

I don’t think these work by the way. But these women seem unusually impressed.

9. Anyone can look sexy in a long fur coat.

tumblr_l9l4jh9v361qbyf2j.jpg

Though we in the 21st century don’t really think so unless you’re living in a polar region. Still, the background is atrocious.

10. “Look, Mommy, I can vacuum all by myself.”

tumblr_l9rusoKxyr1qbyf2j

Of course, you’d never see me with my mom like that. Because I loathe vacuum cleaners. More like huddling in the corner with my ears covered.

11. “At Heinz we have more than 57 varieties around the world.”

tumblr_l47sdpolLU1qbyf2j

Though the world to them seems shaped like a giant football. Someone must’ve really messed up here.

12. “I just love painting my boat.”

tumblr_l48m2hLMjl1qbyf2j

Seriously, I don’t think people like painting anything. Nor do I think a swimsuit and sailor hat are proper painting attire.

13. R & R toys make them in all sizes.

tumblr_lhs38oSfzx1qbyf2jo1_1280

That penguin is way too big for that little girl. But she’s thrilled to have it just the same.

14. Slow down for the Tallahassee Safety Patrol.

tumblr_l90q5q9k3C1qbyf2j

So they stare at a wall in long rain coats. You can see they have a token female by looking at their legs.

15. Care for a duck lamp?

tumblr_l631zlGzEs1qbyf2j

Basically depicts a desert rock formation and two male mallard ducks flying. Wonder if anyone thinks they’re a couple. Then again, they could just be good friends.

16. With a propane grill, you can be the most talked about host in the neighborhood.

tumblr_l891jvV7Fj1qbyf2j

Maybe in the 1960s this guy might have some pride in his grill. However, I’ve seen way bigger and crazier grills than that at Home Depot.

17. There’s always room for a hairdryer.

tumblr_lopn4iLoLM1qbyf2jo1_1280

Though I don’t think this hairdryer is at all portable. Because I could hold one in my hand.

18. Get women’s attention with a Hollywood Wolf Whistle.

tumblr_lakblvEPe51qbyf2j

Guess it’s a horn you put on your car. Though I’m not sure if women will go for it.

19. Care for a fancy piggy bank?

tumblr_lawkkvkB7q1qbyf2j

Sure these porcelain piggy banks may be pricey and fancy. But they’ll keep your money safe by scaring the hell out of potential robbers.

20. Is your car seats falling apart. Get Shadburn’s Auto Upholstery?

tumblr_lb7nskPOv91qbyf2j

This ad was probably made on a budget. Also, the woman looks more disgusted than anything.

21. 4 Track storm windows will always protect your house.

tumblr_lbn9mvUuHP1qbyf2j

Presented by a woman who’s not wearing pants. So the viewer can see her legs in high heels and pantyhose.

22. Commemorate your baby’s first shoes by casting them in bronze.

tumblr_lbsx1kkgXG1qbyf2j

You can sue them as bookends, on picture frames, or on wall displays. Seriously, why would anyone do this?

23. Get the World’s Largest Match Book.

tumblr_lbuxd154pg1qbyf2j

From BAD POSTCARDS: “The name “Dick Sampson” is printed at the bottom right corner making it seem like this gal’s name is Dick. Why the Hawaiian-themed outfit? What’s with that hat/strainer thing? How many matches are in each World’s Largest Match Book? So many questions.”

24. These cushions will make your home a palace.

tumblr_lc7l6zhfUE1qbyf2j

Maybe a harem considering how the woman’s dressed. And she doesn’t seem too happy wearing her skimpy purple outfit.

25. No one can have enough pillows on the couch.

tumblr_leojgmxs9q1qbyf2jo1_1280

But Pauline has so many that she can only lie on her couch in this position. Still, they bring a lot of color on a dull gray couch.

26. Any kid would love these fuzz covered plastic creatures.

tumblr_lf8pl1LlAN1qbyf2jo1_1280

Maybe the dog in the middle. But the pig and bear seem quite terrifying to me.

27. Display your reports with Rediform.

tumblr_lfa23j4Qq71qbyf2jo1_1280

Who knew business can produce so much happiness? Probably someone who enjoys doing memos. Still, why does Miss Rediform even exist?

28. At Hewlett Packard, we have all kinds of machines.

tumblr_lhs2pcTBHr1qbyf2jo1_1280

Though this woman in her lab coat has little idea on how many of these machines work. Since they require all kinds of gears and screws.

29. Any man looks sharp in a gray suit.

tumblr_lhvdamJWNI1qbyf2jo1_1280

Even Trevor the neighborhood psycho killer. Any young woman dating him on any given night is never seen again since.

30. Kids are always proud to stand in their long raincoats.

tumblr_lkn8umQyaH1qbyf2jo1_1280

For these boys like to show off all the different colors. Though a few of them look like they’re dressed in trash bags.

31. Have a pen stand that’ll suit your tastes.

tumblr_lkwp8u9ruq1qbyf2jo1_1280

Available in 2 big varieties. One is what can resemble your kid’s art project at school. The other are nightmarish depictions of cartoon characters that can scar you for life.

32. A water softener is a girl’s best friend.

tumblr_lo1m8fXgyl1qbyf2jo1_r2_1280

I don’t think most little girls would say that. Since most of them don’t know what the hell a water softener is.

33. Breathing problems? Have this Monaghan Life Saver on you.

tumblr_lsq1qzQrbj1qbyf2jo1_1280

This looks like a something you’d attach to a respirator. Wonder if you should just go with an inhaler instead.

34. Christmas is always a time for cheer.

tumblr_lw95fqXP441qbyf2jo1_1280

From BAD POSTCARDS: “‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND THE WEIGHT OF SANTA’S CARCASS ON THE ROOF TOTALLY CRUSHED OUR HOUSE.”

35. Take a slice of Ohio Swiss cheese?

tumblr_lwgnv305uB1qbyf2jo1_1280

The cheese looks like plastic to me. But at least it comes with saltines.

36. Hey, look, twins.

tumblr_lwuoatIeCO1qbyf2jo1_1280

Caption: “A NATIVE ALASKAN DARLING dressed in fur parka, trimmed with white fox and her best friend, a Semoyian Puppy.” Still, I don’t buy the girl being an Alaskan native due to her blue eyes, blond hair, and white skin.

37. Keep your lawn maintained with a red riding mower.

tumblr_lyqoesNQ5m1qbyf2jo1_1280

Don’t look now. But Barry’s waving to Myrtle and her son Jack. Little does Jack knows what’s really going on between Barry and his mom.

38. Perhaps you might want something from Australia.

tumblr_m1pbjiL3Se1qbyf2jo1_1280

Most of these are stuffed animals. Yet, you’ll find a boomerang and a hat to wear in the Outback. Still, where’s the diggery-doo?

39. Store your ingredients in these Tupperware canisters.

tumblr_m2f8ezvywA1qbyf2jo1_1280

Great for hiding the weed in. But don’t let anyone know that or they’ll call the cops.

40. Any girl would delight in these “Mama” dolls.

tumblr_m3vkxkMTeN1qbyf2jo1_1280

On second thought, unless you want to traumatize a little girl in your life, I advise against giving her one of these. Seriously, they’re straight from the realm of nightmares.

41. A straw hat should always have flowers on them.

tumblr_m5opw1JS5I1qbyf2jo1_1280

Yet, none should don a disembodied woman’s head. Because that’s just disturbing. Available in multiple colors and styles.

42. Water your plants with this KWH mistblower.

tumblr_m7d24ahuef1qbyf2jo1_1280

It’s so safe your kids can use it and look like they’re vanquishing their enemies with space age weapons. Said to have deep penetration, steady output.

43. Got a boring house? Just add awnings.

tumblr_m7zay2mGOj1qbyf2jo1_1280

Actually, the awnings really don’t do anything. Home still looks quite dull. Maybe it needs a paint job.

44. Your lawn can look like this.

tumblr_m8wgbyLBeo1qbyf2jo1_1280

Just add a lawn sprinkler and mow it regularly during the warmer months. Well, as long as you live in California. If you live where I do, it’s not necessary. Also, you won’t have palm trees.

45. Reach for the moon.

tumblr_m9zks3BVKp1qbyf2jo1_1280

So they were raising money just so three guys can go to the moon? Just save steadily here, I guess. Seriously, this makes no sense.

46. Any little one would enjoy riding a large polka-dotted horse.

tumblr_manllpCutl1qbyf2jo1_1280

Though the toy horse kind of looks kind of terrifying. Like the purple swan, though.

47. You can’t go boating without a portable minifridge.

tumblr_mbbnb4snXB1qbyf2jo1_1280

Even to today’s minifridges, this is extravagant. Even includes a freezer.

48. Simple Simon goes near the barbs.

tumblr_mbqhqpiOZP1qbyf2jo1_1280

From BAD POSTCARDS: “Picking your nose is especially grand/When you have a pipe cleaner for a hand.”

49. “Seeing things in Linden, Tenn.”

tumblr_mcav04tOSg1qbyf2jo1_1280

They’re basically going with “our town sucks so here are some pictures of cute animals.” At least that’s how I see it.

50. Perhaps you’d like a modern minibar.

tumblr_mcekw1nMlb1qbyf2jo1_1280

It’s basically a desk for alcoholics. Includes a cocktail shaker and shot glasses.

51. Everyone can use some paper towels.

tumblr_mcelz1yccC1qbyf2jo1_1280

I’ve seen those paper towel dispensers at school. Let’s just say I don’t have nice things to say about them.

52. Dualette Sylvania is the big-screen TV that simply moves with you.

tumblr_mcgcpvuZqh1qbyf2jo1_1280

From BAD POSTCARDS: “Carries his portable tube to upscale events. Sexy.”

53. The Tit twins will always boost your business.

tumblr_mcimyfgELc1qbyf2jo1_1280

BAD POSTCARDS comment: “Amazing. I wanna see one go up in flames when the motor grease drips onto the controller and an overloaded circuit sparks a fire. And it would still be moving .”

54. Greetings from Kansas.

tumblr_mciwgm0OyV1qbyf2jo1_1280

Don’t worry about the coyote at the fence. It’s taxidermy so it won’t hurt you, But it will haunt your dreams.

55. Thin mints or merry mints?

tumblr_mctcynWgNr1qbyf2jo1_1280

The merry mints come in all kinds of colors. Though I’ll just stick to the thin mints, especially the Girl Scout variety.

56. Nobody could resist a baby doll like this.

tumblr_mekg4nO0711qbyf2jo1_1280

For the love of God, kill it with fire. Since I guarantee it’ll haunt your dreams.

57. “Portraits become precious beyond price.”

tumblr_mh712cD6xe1qbyf2jo1_1280

Here little Emily marvels at all the people she’s killed while she maniacally laughs. It’s a sight of horror that knows no bounds.

58. Someone wants to paint the house today.

tumblr_mit7gc3eZ71qbyf2jo1_1280

But letting a dog help isn’t really a good idea. Still, hope they don’t mistake the paw prints for something more sinister.

59. Perry’s Nuthouse offers free Maine Bear hugs.

tumblr_mvdwb1wYTf1qbyf2jo1_540

Don’t worry the bear here’s made from wood. A real black bear would simply maul you and leave you for dead.

60. This dog is out on the town.

tumblr_mhhxjfUY6w1qbyf2jo1_1280

Though the dog’s expression doesn’t match the saying on the post card. Still, like the lamp posts.

61. Perhaps you might want to stay in a hotel room like this.

tumblr_n0zrggEVSv1qbyf2jo1_1280

Man, that’s really tacky. The pink isn’t bad but the wallpaper is just frightful.

62. “I trust Duraclean for my rugs.”

tumblr_np8svqk6YE1qbyf2jo1_540

From BAD POSTCARDS comment: “I cherish my French heirloom carpets so much I don’t even let anybody walk on them! ;)”

63. Anyone in the mood for water ski?

tumblr_owzq642Uws1qbyf2jo1_1280

By the way, this postcard is from Wisconsin. Yes, Wisconsin. Don’t ask me why.

64. Arachnaphobes, abandon hope all ye enter here.

tumblr_oyovl1K1QO1qbyf2jo1_1280

Because people will be freaked out by a giant spider. This is from an Arizona amusement park.

65. Fall is thrashing time.

tumblr_p09jwbLEo81qbyf2jo1_1280

Meaning that it’s time to harvest the hay and put them in bales. Still, the scenery doesn’t really excite me.

66. Wonder why nobody’s visiting this campground.

tumblr_p09jz2s2zl1qbyf2jo1_1280

Maybe because there’s a skunk lurking around. Though it only sprays when threatened.

67. This guy better wake up before that pheasant runs away.

tumblr_p020mbx2BE1qbyf2jo1_1280

Because birds don’t stay around forever. Still, not sure if he can shoot well with a bow and arrow.

68. Feel free to sit on the world’s largest chair.

tumblr_p021i8DYWY1qbyf2jo1_1280

I’m sure nobody could really sit on it. Still, it’s a great way for this town to attract tourists.

69. Don’t feel bad. Things could be worse.

untitled.png

Not sure about having dogs in jail though. Also, are they supposed to be in Mexico?

70. Sometimes you have to let yourself go.

untitled1

Though this just overdoes it. Her bra’s even showing from her falling dress.

Insane in the Ukraine

In mid-September 2019, according to The New York Times, an unidentified internal Trump administration whistleblower filed a complaint about “multiple acts” by a shitty excuse for a president Donald Trump. The whistleblower in question is part of the US intelligence community and filed this complaint back in August, which was passed to their inspector general. That inspector general determined it credible and a matter of “urgent concern” – legal standard normally requiring notifying congressional oversight committees. He then concluded the complaint, “relates to one of the most significant and important of the DNI’s responsibilities to the American people.” However, Trump’s acting national intelligence director stepped in to block key congressional committee chairs from receiving the whistleblower complaint’s details, which remain murky. An act some legal analysts claim is breaking the law.

Now despite the murky details, the whistleblower’s complaint reportedly involves a broader set of events than a single phone call. But not surprisingly, the Trump administration is trying to prevent further info from coming to light. For some time, it’s been rumored Donald Trump tried pressuring Ukraine’s government into launching an investigation of former Vice President and current Democratic presidential frontrunner Joe Biden, possibly by withholding military aid to the country unless they complied. On August 28, 2019, Politico reported that the Trump administration was, “slow-walking $250 million in military assistance to Ukraine.” According to the site, Trump had personally asked his national security team to review the program, supposedly to ensure the money was being spent on American interests, writing, “The funds for Ukraine can’t be spent while they’re under review and the money expires at the Sept. 30 end of the fiscal year.” Now it’s not confirmed if the whistleblower complaint has anything to with this Ukranian debacle, but both cases seem closely related.

Naturally given Donald Trump’s affinity for Russian President Vladmir Putin and Russia’s war with Ukraine, critics instantly accused him of supporting Putin’s policies again. On September 5, 2019, Washington Post editorial claimed they’ve been told that Trump was trying to force the Ukranian government to investigate Joe Biden. They write:
“Some suspect Mr. Trump is once again catering to Mr. Putin, who is dedicated to undermining Ukrainian democracy and independence. But we’re reliably told that the president has a second and more venal agenda: He is attempting to force Mr. Zelensky to intervene in the 2020 U.S. presidential election by launching an investigation of the leading Democratic candidate, Joe Biden. Mr. Trump is not just soliciting Ukraine’s help with his presidential campaign; he is using U.S. military aid the country desperately needs in an attempt to extort it.”

During a September 2 press conference in Warsaw, Associated Press’ Jill Colvin asked Vice President Mike Pence, “Can you assure Ukraine that the hold-up of that money has absolutely nothing to do with efforts, including by Rudy Giuliani, to try to dig up dirt on the Biden family?” Pence conspicuously didn’t make that kind of assurance. Instead, he replied, “as President Trump had me make clear, we have great concerns about issues of corruption.” However, the notion that the Trump administration has any great concern about corruption issues is basically akin to Pig Pen having any concern about personal hygiene. Because we all know that Trump and his cronies engage in corruption on a regular basis that the swamp he’s promised to drain has now become a reeking cesspit of hazardous waste. Hell, the only time the Trump administration shows any concern about corruption is when it pertains to someone they don’t like because it makes them look bad. So naturally, they’re looking for dirt.

On Friday, September 20, 2019, The Wall Street Journal reported that, during a July phone call with Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky, Donald Trump pressured him “about eight times” to work with his sell out lawyer Rudy Giuliani on an investigation into Biden’s son, Hunter. That Thursday, Giuliani tweeted that if Trump told Ukraine to “investigate corruption that affects US” he’d just be “doing his job,” and complaining that “the Biden Family… bilked millions from Ukraine.” He even later confirmed that he himself has been trying to get Ukraine to investigate Biden. Strange Trump didn’t call the Ukrainian government to investigate his own campaign manager Paul Manafort back in 2016, because he actually bilked millions from the Ukraine and is serving prison time for it. However, if Trump did this as president, it would be a shockingly corrupt use of his foreign policy powers. Since he’s basically demanding a foreign country intervene in the 2020 election by digging up dirt on a potential opponent, or have its security put at risk.
The idea that Donald Trump’s team would try getting the Ukranian government to investigate Joe Biden’s family isn’t just theoretical. Even Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani has openly admitted he’s been doing just that. As he told the New York Times in May, “We’re not meddling in an election, we’re meddling in an investigation, which we have a right to do.” Ukraine-related corruption has already played an outsized role in Trump scandals. Paul Manafort’s prosecution for financial and lobbying crimes related to his work for a former Ukranian regime was a major part of the Mueller probe. And during the summer of 2016 back when Manafort was Trump’s campaign chair, he was plagued by reports that the Ukranian government was looking into his payments. So Donald Trump’s team apparently has the idea to try and cook up a similar scandal involving Joe Biden.

The details relate to Joe Biden’s ne’er-do-well son Hunter who joined a Ukrainian natural gas company Burisma’s board in 2014. Now the company’s owner was under investigation for corruption and money laundering. Two years later, Ukraine’s prosecutor general Viktor Shokin was fired, after pressure from Vice President Biden and other Western officials along with many Ukrainian officials and citizens. Biden just happened to have the loudest voice. Shokin has reportedly claimed he was pushed out because he was investigating Burisma’s payments to Hunter Biden. However, the New York Times writes, “there is no credible evidence that Biden sought Shokin’s removal in order to protect Hunter.” Instead, the rationale was said he wasn’t doing enough to investigate the corruption. Now, in an effort to cause political problems in Biden’s 2020 campaign, Giuliani has been pushing the new Ukrainian government to open an investigation into the Biden matter, as well as whether there was any foul play in the earlier Ukrainian Manafort investigation. Giuliani confirmed he was doing all this to the Times back in May. The effort continued through August. But Giuliani was cagey in Trump’s personal role in the scheme. He told the Times in May that Trump supports his endeavors and “he basically knows what I’m doing, sure, as his lawyer.” In August, he told the Times he was just acting as a private citizen. Despite that State Department officials were involved in Giuliani’s communications with Ukrainian officials for some reason.

Now that Donald Trump has all but openly admitted that he pushed Ukranian President Volodymyr Zelensky to investigate former Vice President Joe Biden and his son Hunter, Congress must impeach him. Impeaching Trump over Robert Mueller’s findings in the Russia investigation would’ve been an attempt to address past offenses. Impeaching Trump over these calls would be an attempt to halt what surely resembles an ongoing attempt to hijack American foreign policy in service of his reelection. Democrats are obligated to stop this before it gets any further. Sure, impeachment is virtually guaranteed to fail in the Republican-controlled Senate so there’s no real chance of actually removing Trump from office. Public opinion about the Russian scandal became more set along partisan lines as time went on, making it unlikely that drawing attention to it would galvanize the public against Trump in 2020. Since that would risk distracting Democrats on which Trump is genuinely unpopular like on healthcare and climate change and jeopardize the House Democratic majority with marginal gain.

But the new Ukraine scandal challenges this logic. There is now an obvious and immediate pragmatic upside to impeachment: stopping an ongoing abuse of presidential power that could undermine the 2020 election’s integrity. Thanks to an intelligence community whistleblower, investigative journalists, and Donald Trump’s own public statements, Trump seems to have repeatedly attempted to convince the Ukranian government to open an investigation into Hunter Biden’s Ukraine business dealings and Joe Biden’s alleged involvement in protecting his son from prosecutorial attention. But there’s no evidence of illegal conduct by either Biden in the Ukraine dealings. Hunter’s partnership with a corrupt Ukranian oligarch was arguably unethical. But there’s no reason to believe his dad was involved in it. Still, even if either Biden was implicated in anything illegal, Trump’s actions would still be as impeachable. Because he’s trying to get a foreign power to investigate a potential political opponent on the pretense of turning Biden’s fake Ukraine scandal into “her emails” 2.0. Thus, he actively working to weaponize the presidency to boost his political fortunes.

Hell, it may be even worse. Donald Trump himself has linked the Biden issue to US to Ukraine aide. On Sunday, he told reporters, he “had every right” to push Ukraine about Joe Biden because “we don’t want a country that we’re giving massive aid to be corrupting our system.” If Trump threatened to condition aid to Ukraine on its Biden investigation, then he’s been nakedly twisting US foreign policy to suit his own ends. This is a grotesque and seemingly ongoing abuse of power with potential implications for an election’s integrity next year. Whereas the Russia investigation an attempt to find out exactly what happened in a prior election, the Ukraine scandal reflects Trump’s contemporary and future-looking behavior. Given that the goal is no longer retrospective accountability, this dramatically changes the logic of impeachment. Since it’s now about stopping his current behavior. The hope would be that impeachment would bring so much attention and scrutiny to Trump’s Ukraine push that he can’t get away with undermining another election.

Any impeachment proceeding would be the story in American politics, sucking up media attention and congressional investigative resources. A House majority vote to impeach would lead to a trial in the Senate, attracting more scrutiny even if Majority Leader Mitch McConnell refuses to take the proceedings seriously. The aim would be to prevent Trump from making some kind of shady, behind-the-scenes agreement with some Ukrainian authorities and make him think twice about any other similar scheme for using his powers for electoral gain. Such level of attention seems like the best available tool for preventing Donald Trump from continuing his efforts to undermine the 2020 election. Moreover, such high levels of press coverage and partisan furor would also make it harder to imagine the Ukrainian government would make any corrupt deal with Trump. Democratic posturing would serve as a counterweight to Trump’s pressure on Ukraine, signaling the country’s leadership that any cooperation with Trump’s inappropriate demands could seriously fray relations with the US in the next administration. Under this logic, it doesn’t matter if impeachment will invariably fail in the Senate. Just shining a light on Trump’s misbehavior will limit his freedom to act. Because if you have a president actively trying to abuse his power in order to invite foreign meddling in the next presidential election, you need to do what you can to stop him. Impeachment is the biggest and most powerful tool in the Democrats’ inventory. Because impeaching Trump is about signaling that his conduct is unacceptable as well trying to impose accountability on him and setting a standard for future ones.

Should impeachment be used not only to signal disapproval but actually work to head off an ongoing threat to American democracy, then the normative power of the proceedings might be reestablished. They won’t just be futile raging at American politics’ debased nature under Donald Trump, but an effective means of actually changing these politics for the better. For Trump’s impeachment to actually serve as a means of accountability to show future officeholders that misbehavior carries costs, there needs to be actual bite to them. Otherwise, they really risk sending the opposite intended signal that nothing really matters and that the president can do whatever he wants as long as at least 34 senators support him. But if impeachment can plausibly constrains Donald Trump, preventing him from engaging in abuse of power for political gain, then the Trump administration’s lesson would be that actions carry consequences, that Congress’ ultimate constitutional power can still be used to rein in a president even in a political environment seemingly defined by extreme partisanship. Furthermore, impeachment sends the strongest and most high-profile signal possible that Trump’s actions are unacceptable, both now and to future presidents.

Nonetheless, Donald Trump’s behavior in this Ukraine situation should worry anyone who cares about the health of American democracy. If this isn’t impeachable behavior, then I don’t know what is. Could impeachment potentially rein in Trump? I’m not sure since Trump never learns from his misconduct. But it will limit him on what he can get away with. Will a formal impeachment inquiry hurt the House Democrats’ chances to retain the House? Who knows. But seeing how the Ukraine scandal drove a painful reality home of an emboldened Trump appearing to meddle in an upcoming US election again, right before our eyes, Congress must impeach.