The World According to Stock Photography (Second Edition)

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A year ago before I went to Minnesota to attend my cousin’s wedding, I did a post on ridiculous stock photography. So I decided do another for 2019. After all, given how President Cheetofascist is supremely racist, ICE is rounding up undocumented immigrants, Central American refugees, Jeffrey Epstein’s arrest, and all the crazy stuff coming from a dumpster fire known as the Trump administration, I kind of figured we need something to laugh at. Other than the so-called invasion at Area 51 no less. Anyway, you might see stock photos all around you all the time whether for public or commercial use. Often these usually pertain to cheap business ads, spur-of-the moment PSAs, and low-budget greeting cards. While many of these like the image of an old guy on the computer with a fake smile hiding distress on his face, have become memes. Remember the one with the distracted boyfriend? Well, that’s a stock photo. Nonetheless, I can go on raving about the best stock photos in recent time. But I won’t since you’ve probably seen them anyway. Instead, I’ll show you another assortment of the worst and most ridiculous ones you wouldn’t want on your craft beer website. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy stock photos.

 

  1. When you eat out and there are no cutlery options available.
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Apparently, judging by his hands, he just ordered dessert. I suspect it’s cheesecake.

2. Playing naked balloon fort has deep roots in the 18th century.

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Okay, that wasn’t a thing. Since they didn’t have mass rubber production at the time. But given that she’s naked, in a balloon fort, and has a hairstyle akin to Marie Antoinette, I couldn’t resist.

3. Unfortunately, Del Monte phone service was utterly worthless.

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Either that or he’s drunk arguing on a banana phone at the office. Then again, he just might be plain nuts.

4. On his off hours, a US Army IT guy shoots his rounds.

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But instead of using his gun, he uses his keyboard. Results in less lethal accidents that way.

5. Apparently, sex doll porn is a thing.

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I really don’t want to know what’s going on in this guy’s sex life. But at least he’s not hurting anyone.

6. Sandy’s new dress was full of baloney.

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And apparently, she wears these lunch meat slices as a dress. Or is that really salami?

7. The Christmas party was so crazy that even Dog Santa was wasted.

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Even funnier how this dog’s wearing a Santa suit and sunglasses. Man, I really don’t want to be around when it wakes up with a doggie hangover.

8. How not to bond with your kitten.

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Just because cat moms lick their young, doesn’t mean you should lick your feline fur baby. Since it’ll just think you’re insane.

9. Unfortunately, the Olive Garden had to reject Betty Spaghetti as its mascot.

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What? You don’t remember Betty Spaghetti? I mean at one point, she used to be on almost all their posters.

10. During the Great Depression, Big Bird’s dad would support himself through babysitting.

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Unlike his famous son of Sesame Street fame, the children weren’t very fond of him. In fact, he gave them nightmares.

11. Remember Distracted Boyfriend? Here’s Distracted Boyfriend on Escalator.

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Unlike the more familiar version, this one has the parties go in different directions. Also, it’s going on behind the girlfriend’s back.

12. When the only jean size available is XXXXL.

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I mean the jeans obviously go all the way up to the guy’s shoulders. Yet, he’s trying to make the best of it.

13. For God’s sake Lindsey, spaghetti isn’t finger food.

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You should’ve known that since your toddler years. Seriously, waving your spaghetti and meatballs in the air just makes a mess.

14. Hundreds of miles from civilization and this old man can still use a laptop.

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Still, I’m kind of skeptical how he can get a wi-fi signal that far. Besides, he’s old and not wearing a shirt.

15. Isn’t she way too big for that tricycle?

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I’d say so since she can lift it up by the handlebars. Also, she’s pregnant and dressed like she’s from the trailer park in Whoville.

16. When you’ve been riding the same tricycle everywhere since you were five.

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That guy really needs a car. Or at least live near a bus station. Seriously, he’s way too big for it and is wearing a business suit like he works in an office.

17. I don’t think fans will be happy with the next Predator movie.

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Apparently, they had a lot of budget cuts. So instead of CGI, the Predator will be played by some bald guy with dreadlocks.

18. Elephants always enjoy the great outdoors.

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The two calves are riding their bikes while their mom rides a scooter. Though they’d definitely crush these things in real life.

19. If you’re horny and you know it, blow your horn.

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Apparently, this guy blows for sex. Not sure if he’ll get any with that routine.

20. Even evil witches have their girl friends, too.

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But if Lexie dare steal Grimilda’s man, she’ll drop a house on her. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

21. Tragically, the peanut tight rope has become a very dangerous act.

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As you can see by how many cracked after a fall. Rest in Reese’s Pieces.

22. Duchess look behind you!

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Seems like dogs engage in murder and mayhem, too. As you can see by the one dog raising its paw with a knife.

23. She makes balancing a loaf of bread on her head look easy.

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And yet, she seems perfectly secure in herself. Though I have no idea how she can keep bread that large on her head. Photoshop?

24. “Is she dead? Or is she just sleeping?”

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Teacher appears like she’s trying to wake up a student sleeping in class. And she doesn’t want anyone to see her.

25. When your dog groomer plays Minecraft.

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Yes, the poodle’s all trimmed in blocks. And yes, it’ll look pretty ridiculous for awhile.

26. Before she became the sweet woman from accounting, Karen was once a badass soldier in the Army.

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Those look like two different women. Also, I don’t think women in the military dress like that.

27. “Kibble shares are doing great around this quarter.”

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Here a business dog is at work on his laptop. And it’s almost time for him to leave and go for his walk.

28. “Mr. Gigantis, I think you might’ve had an allergic reaction.”

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I’d hate to be there when that giant sneezes. Cause someone’s going to get covered in snot.

29. Nothing beats doing business on the beach.

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Since that tidal wave will basically destroy the computer within a second or two. There’s a reason why people don’t have beach offices.

30. In business, you have to see all the possibilities.

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That doesn’t mean you should do your business on a cliff. Since that’s incredibly dangerous.

31. Saint Nicholas receives a devastating call.

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“You mean the Dutch don black face to imitate my six to eight black men? Oh, the humanity!”

32. “Get that infernal egg away from me!”

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“Can’t even look how you poach, scramble, and have it over easy. It’s horrible! Stop it! Stop it!”

33. “I believe I can fly…”

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Though Kyle basically works on his laptop on Greg. Poor Greg. He’s going to have chronic back problems later in life.

34. This holy sister has a message for the red man downstairs.

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Oh, Sister Angelica, how could you flip two birds? So undignified for a nun like you.

35. “Want to see my business card?”

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Sorry, but if a guy’s dressed up like the Dude from The Big Lebowski, I’d rather not. For all I know, he could be promoting something shady.

36. There’s nothing like the joys of doing laundry.

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Here Lily sits in front of the washing machine, contemplating the emptiness of her own existence. While holding a pink balloon, no less.

37. Presenting the new Harold & Maude remake.

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Man, they really stretched the age gap from the original. How old is that boy supposed to be? Please let it be 18.

38. This disabled dwarf managed to snag a lady at a punk rock concert.

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What do you know, they have matching mohawks. Yet, the guy has her on a leash. Guess it’s a kink.

39. Though Walter managed to retain his 6-pack, he wasn’t put on right.

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I mean he’s got his butt on his front, no less. Wonder how he has sex and goes to the bathroom. On second thought, I really don’t want to know.

40. Cousin It’s daughter doesn’t have an active social life.

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She also finds it difficult to eat and drink. Mainly with all that hair around her face.

41. Beware of the 3-eyed cat.

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Okay, that’s really weird and kind of creepy. Since the third eye looks remarkably similar to the others.

42. Ever tried licking a cactus?

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Please don’t do this. Since your tongue will hurt like hell for cacti have needles to keep critters from eating their skin.

43. Meet Mike, the Cyber Internet Hacking Thief.

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He’s more machine now than man. Given that most of his body consists of robotic limbs.

44. Think you have to remove the bones and scales first.

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Don’t think that eating a fish straight out of the stream is a good idea. Might hurt your mouth. But, hey, a bet’s a bet.

45. Apparently, the sexy Ser Brienne of Tarth costume was not a success.

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Though I hear it’s been used in the Game of Thrones porn therapy and as a stripper costume. Still, Brienne deserves better.

46. Got a weird sexual fetish? These women got you covered.

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From Bored Panda: “What We Need Is A Picture Of A Blindfolded Woman In Lingerie Holding A Pomegranate With A Octopus On It. Oh And Could You Set Up A Mirror In The Corner Showing Another Woman Sulking? Perfect. Thanks.”

47. “I’ll have your neck for this, Hansen!”

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Let’s just say, the boss meant that literally as he literally grabbed Hansen by then neck. And apparently Hansen’s neck is abnormally large neck.

48. She expects to be the ultimate soccer mom.

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Since she’s carrying a future soccer player in her belly right now as seen how her abdomen resembles a soccer ball. Of course, that could just be all air.

49. Ronnie just wanted to seek some comfort from the Scriptures before ending it all.

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But he can’t decide whether to kill himself by hanging or poison injection. He’d really want it to be quick but is scared of needles.

50. You should know better than to mess with a pineapple businessman.

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He’s all about the Benjamins and he’ll stop at nothing to be the top fruit in the finance world. Though he’s bound to rot from the head.

51. “What’s in the Box?”

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Apparently, it’s Becky’s little head and she’s tearfully screaming. But at least whoever packed it in used bubble wrap and handled it with the utmost delicacy.

52. “We are trying to find the answer to the age old question on why the chicken crossed the road.”

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They didn’t find it. But the scientists managed to get a half dozen eggs out of their lab observations.

53. “I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere…”

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Yes, the guy yearns to go to another place with his hat and suitcase at his side. While jets fly high in the sky like they’re war planes.

54. When your mother’s an Olympic swimmer and your father is the Incredible Hulk.

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While Suzie Banner was in many ways a normal child. Her dad Bruce’s condition with gamma ray radiation resulted in her having a congenital mutation of Hulk hands.

55. “Stop right there! Your pizza or your life!”

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“But I just ordered this delicious pepperoni! Oh, God, please just let me enjoy just one little slice! I’m basically pissing my pants over this!”

56. Didn’t know Bigfoot had a more civilized side to him.

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Okay, he’s actually answering a call on his smart phone. He’s telling his friend how he’s adjusted to human civilization and asking how things are in the woods.

57. She’s got so many reminders that she doesn’t know where to put them.

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So she’s all covered in Post-It notes. If you’re married to her, give this woman some kind of organizer or a bulletin board.

58. A businessman can’t ask for anything more than being in a wheatfield with balloons and a briefcase.

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Someone must be on drugs. Seriously, who frolics in a wheatfield wearing a business suit?

59. Apparently, Japanese nurses are known to entertain hospital patients with conch shell performances.

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Patient is like, “I have to stay up with my food poisoning for this? Can’t I do anything to get this lady to stop?”

60. Don’t worry, Nurse Liloki will take good care of you.

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So she’s marching on the patient’s room with a baseball bat and glove. In case intruders come inside.

61. “Let’s try something a little more adventurous.”

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I think this is taking things a bit too far. I mean making love on a log over a waterfall can result in grievous injury.

62. “Born to be wild..”

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Looks like we have a true mountain lion on his mountain bike. And he’s having the time of his life.

63. When you spend so much on the phone that you don’t take time to listen to your wife.

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Here the wife’s wielding the frying pan while her husband is on the phone. Would love to see them in couples counseling.

64. “But Mrs. Fletcherson, I don’t want to play the recorder.”

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“Listen, Mister, we play recorders in music class and you’re gonna learn to it. Even if I have to drag your ass myself.”

65. Mr. July on the Gas Mask Hunks 2050 calendar.

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The kind of man you’d want in your post-apocalyptic bunker once our human civilization is ravaged by catastrophic climate change. Named as one of the year’s most sexiest men. Given that his body shows no signs of radiation damage.

66. David is a very special boy.

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Since while most people’s waists can only twist at 180 degrees, his turns 360. Yes, I know it looks freaky.

67. A child comes to terms with the harrowing reality that this is what it’ll be like until she retires.

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Go ahead and cry, little girl. Adult life sucks. Also, you’ll be crying in your office a lot more often from now on.

68. Sometimes giving last respects can be very awkward.

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I think we found the murderer. And they used the wrong casket, too.

69. It’s tough being a test dummy and in love.

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“If we make it through this crash, Stanley, let’s run away together. We can get married in Vegas. Nobody will want to condemn us to car testing there.”

70. Tragically, even the North Pole wasn’t exempt from the drug crisis.

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Given global warming, Donald Trump raging on Twitter over being on the naughty list, and other problems, could you blame Santa for shooting up heroin and snorting coke? Nonetheless, such image can ruin your childhood.

71. “Cheeseburgers! Cheeseburgers everywhere!”

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This woman his haunted by cheeseburgers. Best she stay out of a Burger King, MacDonald’s, In&Out Burger, and other places.

72. Featuring the latest thing in food technology: white bread.

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She kind of presents white bread as if it’s the new iPhone or something. Nice try, but she looks ridiculous. Since white bread has been around for decades.

73. Ladies can’t get enough of a manly canine lumberjack.

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By day you can see him cutting down trees as well as peeing on them. Also enjoys long walks in the park and catch. Not to mention, he’s house-trained and got all his shots.

74. Sometimes you have to roll with the punches.

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Seems like she’s getting a massage from a boxing glove. I know it seems straight out of an acid trip.

75. Ahhh…cactus.

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The boy’s smelling a cactus. Hope he doesn’t get a nose full of needles.

76. A one-eyed accountant flashes “East Side” while listening to an abacus.

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How do you listen to an abacus? Because as far as I know, you don’t.

77. In partnership with Lowe’s introducing the Victoria’s Secret Catalog: Handy Girl Edition.

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She can fix up your house and be a man’s bedroom fantasy at the same time. Though I don’t think wearing a skimpy outfit is a good idea, given the potential for injury.

78. “Honey, I can explain…”

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Sorry, Barry, but Jennifer knows you won’t leave your wife for her. So prepare to be bludgeoned to death by rolling pin.

79. “Ice, ice, baby…”

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Yes, we cling to anything to cool us down during the summer. But embracing a large block of it is a bit much.

80. Don’t mind Larry, he’s just taking a bath.

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However, most people don’t usually bathe in their scuba gear. Since most tubs aren’t as deep as the ocean.

81. Gone on a trip to an exotic Latin American country? Party in your car and pick up hitchhikers.

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Actually picking up hitchhikers is a very bad idea. Also, standing up in the jeep isn’t wise either. Not to mention, I don’t think that car’s supposed to fit 7 or more people.

82. Oh, God, Santa’s been a naughty boy this year.

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I’m sure Mrs. Claus won’t be happy when she finds out about this. Someone’s going to get coal in his stocking this Christmas as well as sleeping on the couch.

83. Jessie always feared the times when her daddy’s drunk.

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Why is this a stock photo? It basically shows a girl afraid of seeing her dad with a bottle in one hand and a belt in the other. I think we can figure out what he’s going to do.

84. “Yo, yo, what time is it? Show time!”

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“Uh, Holly, that’s not how we do a rap battle. You’re making us look like idiots. Can we just leave right now?”

85. “Put your hand on my womb, Jamie.”

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Please, have this boy be her son and not her baby’s daddy. Because that boy is basically a teenager and any sexual relationship between a teen and adult is grounds for statutory rape.

86. “Our love literally defies gravity.”

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I mean they’re jumping for joy yet their feet don’t touch the ground. This doesn’t conform to the laws of physics in the least.

87. “There’s a bear behind us? Let’s take a selfie.”

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After this, Gary and Linda were never seen again. Or at least in one piece since the bear basically devoured them.

88. Simba rules the corporate boardroom.

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Actually it’s a guy with a photoshopped lion’s mane. But Scar better watch his back since Simba will claim his rightful place as king of the pridelands.

89. “Help! I got myself stuck in the washing machine!”

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How is it possible to get stuck in a washing machine? Fortunately, none of the machines at the laundromat seem to be on at the moment.

90. Fancy a vacation on the moon?

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No, going to the moon isn’t like going to the beach. It has no atmosphere so you need to put a space suit on. Else, you’ll suffer a most horrible death.

91. “Good morning, class, hope you studied hard for today’s examination.”

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Seriously, a teacher in high heels and miniskirt? She seems more suited to a porn “hot for teacher” movie than a school?

92. He’s known simply as “Pencil Boy.”

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Because he has pencils stuck inside his orifices, save his eyes. Don’t be surprised if the teacher calls his mom saying he got beat up at school.

93. This year’s latest fashion trend: Lobster hair.

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Let’s hope the lobster is dead or plastic. Because a live one on that woman’s head simply terrifies me.

94. When you break into someone’s house in the most embarrassing way.

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Or when your scuba diving excursion goes humiliatingly wrong that you end up entering someone’s home through the toilet. Yeah, got to see how he’ll explain himself.

95. When the flight is overbooked but you can’t miss it.

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Yes, she’s sitting out on the wing which is incredibly dangerous. But she manages to sit comfortably in her business dress and work on her laptop.

96. “We’re about to be beset with some minor turbulence.”

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Either the plane is facing some major turbulence, got shot up into space, or she’s got the acid kicking in. I don’t know how else to explain.

97. “I’m Mary Poppins y’all.”

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Yes, the acid’s definitely kicking in. Since traveling by umbrella doesn’t necessarily get you where you need to go.

98. “Let’s celebrate my survival from a plane crash with interpretive dance!”

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Uh, now’s not the time to do an interpretive dance moves. Better to get supplies and send a signal for a rescue.

99. This caged woman dreams of freedom from her gilded prison.

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Many people might see her as Melania Trump in a nutshell. Though Melania’s prison is the position of First Lady of the United States. Despite that all she wanted to be was a trophy wife to a moral degenerate fake billionaire.

100. A teddy bear goes on his winter trek.

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I hope this bear isn’t trying to climb Mount Everest. Since he’s probably going to die after reaching the summit. Then again, the Sherpas won’t have trouble getting him there.

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The Border Concentration Camps

At any given time, for the past several weeks, the US Border Patrol has held more than 2,000 children in custody without their parents. Legally, border agents aren’t supposed to hold them for more than 3 days before being sent to the Department of Health and Human Services as they’re responsible for finding their closest US relative to house them while their immigration are adjudicated. However, in practice, Border Patrol’s holding the kids for days, sometimes weeks, in facilities without enough food or toothbrushes. And the children go for days without showering, overcrowded and undercared for.

Earlier this year, Reuters reported that asylum seekers detained in ICE-overseen private detention centers could buy toothpaste in the commissary for $11.02 per 4 oz tube of Sensodyne. Bob Barker doesn’t sell Sensodyne but does sell Colgate Cavity Protection by the case at $2.32 per 4 oz tube, and an off-brand sensitive toothpaste for even less. On the $1/day that detainees at Adelanto Detention Facility can earn for working menial jobs, the decision comes down to maintaining hygiene verses managing hunger. As Ramen is only 58 cents, over half a day’s labor at Adelanto. Meanwhile, employees of at least one company doing business with Border Patrol are speaking out against their CEO. In late June, 550 Wayfair employees staged walkouts outside company headquarters in San Francisco and Boston after reports of a $200,000 order including kids’ beds for a contractor known to work for detention centers emerged.

Low wages for undesirable work drive the US prison economy. Inmates serving long sentences at federal, state, and for-profit prisons hope to save enough money to call loved ones, send and receive email, hire lawyers and contribute to their defense, and send money home, let alone take basic care of themselves. As Racked reported in 2016: “But prison laborers are not commensurately paid. They’re not protected by OSHA. They’re forbidden from organizing into unions. They’re not eligible for workers’ comp. Inmates can be ordered to work for nothing. None of this is illegal.” Rules on what personal care items detention centers must give detainees are few and far between. In June, Justice Department lawyer Sarah Fabian argued in court that the law’s “safe and sanitary” stipulation doesn’t mandate that the government provide detained children soap and toothbrushes, a position baffling judged as well as anyone who believes in what constitutes as basic hygiene. According to the National Institute for Jail Operations (NIJO), touted as “your primary resource dedicated to serving those that operate jails, detention and correctional facilities,” soap, toilet paper, toothbrush and “cleaning agent,” comb, sanitary napkins or tampons, and lotion (if medically needed) “should be provided at no cost to inmates.” But the NIJO states these are only guidelines since laws and statutes are left to the states and jails’ jurisdiction.

Because detention centers don’t provide immigrants with their basic needs, many with the chance to work have no choice but to. As Reuters puts it, “Detainees are challenging what they say is an oppressive business model in which the companies deprive them of essentials to force them to work for sub-minimum wages, money that is soon recaptured in the firms’ own commissaries.” And yet, many detention centers are meant to be temporary facilities despite violating that promise by holding kids for months rather than days. As such, many don’t create opportunities to make income, however minimal. Though there’s at least one unofficial route for detainees. Although attorney Warren Binford told the New Yorker of a teen at Clint tasked by Border Patrol with maintaining order among the other kids as “an unofficial guard” in exchange for more food.

In late June, conditions at a detention facility in Clint, Texas became public. When investigators checked on US obligations under the Flores Agreement governing the care of immigrant children in US custody, they were so horrified that they turned whistleblower and told the Associated Press what they saw. Their stories disturbed the American public into national outrage that the acting Commissioner of Customs and Border Patrol resigned, despite officials’ denial. But like in most situations, the problem goes beyond one official or facility. The story gained even wider traction after New York US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s reference to the detention facilities as “concentration camps” and the ensuing debate over whether that term was appropriate (it is).

On Monday, June 24, 2019, officials confirmed that all 350 of the Clint facility’s children would be moved to other facilities by the next day. But about 250 have been placed with HHS and the rest were being sent to other Border Patrol facilities. At least that was supposed to be the case. However, on Tuesday morning, a Customs and Border Protection official told a New York Times reporter on a press call that about 100 children are currently being housed in Clint. Of course, that just illustrates the Trump administration’s hectic improvised response to the current border influx. But it’s a much, much bigger problem than what’s going on at a single facility. Since the problems investigators identified at Clint linger elsewhere as well.

One legal investigator from the Clint team visited the El Paso facility where many of the Clint children were sent to. Called “Border Patrol Station 1,” that investigator told Vox that conditions there were just as bad as in Clint and with the same problems like insufficient food, no toothbrushes, and aggressive guards. Thus, the problem isn’t the Clint facility, but the hastily-cobbled-together facility system Customs and Border Protection has thrown together during the last several months, as an unprecedented number of families and children coming into the US without papers has overwhelmed a system designed to deport single adults. Thus, it’s apparent that even an administration acting with the children’s best interests in mind at every turn would be scrambling right now. But policymakers are split on how much the current crisis is simply a resource problem Congress could help by sending more and how much is deliberate mistreatment or neglect from an administration or neglect from an administration that doesn’t deserve any money or trust. But come on, it’s most likely the latter given how Donald Trump and his swamp cronies peddle xenophobia and racism to his supporters.

According statistics sent to congressional staff in late June, between May 14 and June 13, 2019, US Border facilities housed 14,000 people a day, sometimes as many as 18,000. With most recent tally as of June 13, 16,000. Most of these were single adults, or parents with kids. But consistently, over that month, around 2,000 were “unaccompanied alien children,” or children held without adult relatives in separate facilities. In an early June press call, a CBP official said, referring to the total number of people in custody, “when we have 4,000 in custody, we consider that high. 6,000 is a crisis.”

Traditionally, an “unaccompanied alien child” refers to a kid who comes to the US without a parent or guardian. Increasingly as lawyers have reported and as investigators who’ve have interviewed detained children in late June, kids have been coming to the US with a non-parent relative and being separated. And because the law defines “unaccompanied” without a parent or legal guardian here, border agents can’t keep a child with a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or older sibling over 18. Though advocates have also raised concerns that border agents are separating relatives even when there’s evidence of legal guardianship. Under US law terms (especially after the 1997 Flores Settlement), immigration agents are obligated to get immigrant children out of immigration detention as quickly as possible, and in the least restrictive conditions possible while there. Save for emergencies, children aren’t supposed to be in Border Patrol custody for more than 3 days before being sent to HHS, which is responsible for finding and vetting a sponsor to house a child (usually a relative in the US). However, this isn’t happening. Attorneys, doctors, and even human rights observers have consistently reported are being detained by Border Patrol for days or longer before HHS picks them up. In the meantime, they’re being kept in facilities to hold adults for that time period, or in improvised “soft-sided” facilities that resemble (and are commonly referred to as) tents. Put the kids in blue Civil War uniforms and it’s a kiddie version of Andersonville (though that may be exaggerated).

Since late 2018, US immigration agents have been overwhelmed by the number of families coming across the border. Since the US immigration system was built to quickly arrest and deport single Mexican adults crossing the southern border to work, doesn’t have the capacity to deal with tens of thousands of families (mostly from Central America) who are often seeking asylum in the US. The length of time migrants are spending in Border Patrol custody (and the conditions there) have attracted some alarm before. In April, pictures of migrants held outside under an El Paso bridge, fenced in and sleeping on the ground, attracted outraged and led Border Patrol to stop holding migrants there. In May, the DHS Office of the Inspector General released an emergency report about dangerous adult overcrowding in 2 facilities: with 900 people being held in a place designed to hold 125.

The Clint reports broke when the Trump administration was already playing defense about its compliance with the Flores Settlement. While the administration’s working on a regulation that would supersede the agreement’s terms, which isn’t expected to be published in its final form until this fall and may well be held up in court. Anyway, in an earlier 9th Circuit Court of Appeals hearing about whether the administration needed to allow a court appointee monitor conditions for children in ICE and CBP custody, Department of Justice lawyer Sarah Fabian told judges that kids don’t necessarily need towels or toothbrushes to be in “safe and sanitary” conditions in a clip that looked especially bad when the Clint stories came out showing children being denied just that.

As The Atlantic explains, Fabian’s cringeworthy “safe and sanitary” argument came from the Trump administration’s awkward stance taken on this litigation: in order to challenge the court appointment of a special monitor, arguing there’s a difference between a promise to keep kids in “safe and sanitary” conditions (which the government has agreed to for decades) and a guarantee of particular items like toothbrushes. The court was unimpressed and the stories about Clint and other facilities coming out in the ensuing days certainly bolstered the case that the Trump administration has either willingly violated agreement to keep kids safe and healthy (which is more likely), or has been unable to keep it. Perhaps a mix of both.

What problems investigators identified at Clint such as too many people, not enough food, no toothbrushes, weren’t inherent to that facility. They were indications of an overloaded or neglected system. And it’s already clear these problems go beyond Clint. ABC News obtained testimony from a doctor visiting another Texas facility in Ursula and witnessed, “extreme cold temperatures, lights on 24 hours a day, no adequate access to medical care, basic sanitation, water, or adequate food.” She claimed the conditions were so bad they were, “tantamount to intentionally causing the spread of disease.” The children are now being sent from Clint to a facility that’s just as bad. According to Human Rights Watch, Clara Long who was the only member of the Clint investigative team who visited another center in El Paso known as “Border Patrol Station 1,” was mostly being used as a transit center where migrants were supposed stay for a few hours before being transferred. But she spoke to one family who’d been held in a cell there for 6 days and who voiced the same concerns that the kids in the Clint facility did. Long said the mother was ashamed for not having clean teeth. Since like Clint, the El Paso facility wasn’t providing enough toothbrushes that, “when she was talking to you she would put her hand up in front of her mouth and wouldn’t take it down.” The teenage son said he was afraid of the guards. Because when he’d get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, a guard had shoved him back into his cell and slammed the door on him. For 2 nights, the family had to sleep on the cold floor without blankets.

Most of the kids who were at the Clint facility the investigators visited in late June were set to be sent to HHS custody by the next day. But questions remain about what’s happening to the other 1,750 or so children in Border Patrol custody. That is, if levels remained static since mid-June and why the government could only place 250 children over 5 days with the agency that’s supposed to take responsibility for all kids within 72 hours. It’s not clear where the bureaucratic breakdown really is and whether it’s due to resource constraints or choices about how resources are used. The Trump administration has definitely made the choice to keep single adults in detention, even if it can release them. Border Patrol chief Carla Provost told Congress that, “if we lose (the ability to keep and deport) single adults, we lose the border.” This raises questions whether overcrowding in adult facilities could be avoided.

But it doesn’t address the unaccompanied children issue who simply can’t be released with an immigration court notice. While kids with parents in the US can be theoretically placed with them, the government is supposed to vet potential sponsors to make sure it’s not placing kids with traffickers. But that’s HHS’ job and the vetting doesn’t start until the kids are released from Border Patrol custody. Observers and policymakers agree that HHS simply doesn’t have the capacity to take migrant kids in. One Democratic Capitol Hill staffer compared it to a “jigsaw puzzle”: Not only are there only so many spaces available, but the facilities available might not match the child’s particular needs. For instance, you can’t put a baby in an HHS shelter for teens. But another Hill staffer that HHS claims it never refused a transfer for space reasons, muddying the waters.

Then there’s the question whether CBP is really doing all it can to care for kids in their custody. One Clint observer told the New Yorker stories of cruelty from some guards, indicating they were deliberately punishing children for the sin of coming to the US without papers. But she also claimed of many sympathetic guards and told the observers that the children shouldn’t be in their custody, implying they were doing the best they could and simply didn’t have the resources to do more. Advocates also said they’ve tried donating supplies to Border Patrol facilities but had their contributions rejected. As have other Texas citizens who’ve done the same. It’s not clear if Border Patrol decided this or if a 19th century state legal complication bans outside donations. Former CBP policy adviser Theresa Brown told the Texas Tribune, “It’s partially a constitutional thing about Congress controlling the purse and only being able to spend money that Congress gives, but it’s also about ethics.” Ethics? For God’s sake, refusing donations because of an outdated law doesn’t even hold water for me.

On Monday, July 2, 2019, a congressional Democrat delegation visited 2 overcrowded detention centers in El Paso and Clint, Texas. They were met by children and adults denied access to safe drinking water, kept in cold windowless warehouses, and were separated from their families. These were immigrants were hungry, scared, and hungry. One woman handed Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a clear plastic pamphlet of Meridian shampoo that the congresswoman tweeted, “[S]he told me that this is all they give women to wash their entire body. Nothing else. Some women’s hair was falling out. Others had gone 15 days without taking a shower.” Ocasio-Cortez and her colleagues’ accounts accompany new detailed reports on the inhumane conditions pervading inside Border Patrol facilities, and about many Border Patrol agents’ online behavior, given that they police the grounds. While the law requires that detention centers housing children to be safe and sanitary. However, lawyer and child advocate Warren Binford told the New Yorker “And there is nothing sanitary about the conditions they are in. And they are not safe, because they are getting sick.” With reporting from the New York Times on “the stench” permeating the Clint detention center, an odor belying stained clothes, diaperless toddlers, and babies caked in dirt, questions emerge on the lack of necessary health and hygiene toiletries. The Meridian shampoo packet sheds light on what little the detainees have access to and more critically, what they don’t.

According to its website, “Meridian Clear Shampoo Packet, .35 Oz” hails from Bob Barker “America’s Leading Detention Supplier.” Using the Federal Procurement Data System’s records, Vice reported that US Customs and Border Protection contacted Bob Barker in at least 10 instances between 2013 and 2017. Line items for “Personal Toiletry Articles” are listed at $3,177.93 in 2013 and $0 in 2017. Among Meridian’s ingredients: Methylisothiazolinone and methylchloroisothiazolinone, 2 preservatives that nonprofit Environmental Working Group report are associated with allergic and irritation of the skin, eyes, and lungs. Lab studies on former indicate that the chemical may also be neurotoxic or, carry potential damage developing nervous systems. Bob Barker sells Meridian Clear Shampoo at $94.07 at 1000 packets, among the supplier’s cheaper offerings. Bob Barker also sells a lot of other products on its Personal Care & Hygiene, including body washes from Olay, Suave, and Dove along with bar soap from Dial, Zest, and Bob Barker-branded antibacterial. Oh, and they sell toothbrushes and toothpaste, 2 of the items that the New York Times reported aren’t distributed to the kids held at Clint.

Whether or not Border Patrol’s hands are tied in supplying detainees with basic care amenities, a secret Facebook group’s existence rife with hate speech indicates that some agents don’t have migrants’ health and survival in mind. On July 1, 2019, ProPublica released a report on a secret Border Patrol Facebook group around 9500 members strong, almost half of the country’s 20,000 Border Patrol agents. And as Ocasio-Cortez points out, where current and former agents make light of migrants’ deaths as well joked about inciting violence against Democratic congresspeople during their July 1 facilities tour, and questioned the authenticity of an Associated Press photo depicting a father and his 23-month old daughter who drowned in the Rio Grande after Border Patrol denied them immediate US entry in their asylum case. Post comments range from racist (“throw a […] burrito at these bitches”), to sexually violent (“Fuck the hoes,” not to mention a lewd photoshop of Ocasio-Cortez), and apathetic (“If he dies, he dies”). In response, US Border Patrol chief Carla Provost tweeted, “These posts are completely inappropriate & contrary to the honor & integrity I see—& expect—from our agents. Any employees found to have violated our standards of conduct will be held accountable.”

However, it’s not just hygiene and nutritional needs that aren’t being met. The abhorrent living conditions seen in these reports show that some detained migrants find it nearly impossible to sleep. Overhead fluorescent lights remain on 24/7, intense cold temperatures blast the warehouse, kids and adults lie on concrete floors, sometimes under aluminum blankets, sometimes not. Without access to clean drinking water, Border Patrol agents have directed Clint women detainees to drink from the toilet. The lack of clean water to drink, wash hands, and bathe along with much needed medicine, combined with overcrowded quarters and poor nutrition have resulted in flu and lice outbreaks. Physician Dolly Lucio Sevier’s medical review of a McAllen facility in Texas, as ABC News reported, declared the conditions “tantamount to intentionally causing the spread of disease.” In May, a 16-year-old Guatemalan girl died at the McAllen facility from flu. And as of June 2019, 2 dozen detainees have died in ICE custody since Donald Trump took office.

In anecdotal reports, Border Patrol agents appears to have made certain health-related products available as needed. But as Warren Binford reports in one New Yorker story, the lice shampoo and 2 lice combs allotted to a group of 25 kids at Clint came at a great cost. “And then what happened was one of the combs was lost, and Border Patrol agents got so mad that they took away the children’s blankets and mats. They weren’t allowed to sleep on the beds, and they had to sleep on the floor on Wednesday night as punishment for losing the comb.” A 2007 Clinical Infectious Diseases article on jail and prison infections found that inmates pose a high risk of catching any number of diseases, including airborne viruses and treatment resistant staph infections. Jails and prisons weren’t designed “to minimize the transmission of disease or to efficiently deliver health care,” as California Correctional Health Care Services chief Joseph Bick wrote. “The probability of transmission of potentially pathogenic organisms is increased by crowding, delays in medical evaluation and treatment, rationed access to soap, water, and clean laundry” among other factors. Bick then adds, “the abrupt transfer of inmates from one location to another further complicates the diagnosis of infection, interruption of transmission, recognition of an outbreak, performance of a contact investigation, and eradication of disease.”

Congress is currently considering a package to give the Trump administration billions more dollars to deal with migrants coming into the US. To Democratic leadership, the solution to poor conditions in custody is to throw more money to improve them. They emphasize the funding’s bulk will go to HHS to increase capacity for migrant kids and that ICE and CBP funding will be strictly limited to humanitarian use. But some progressives, led in Congress by Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, decry that giving any money to immigration enforcement agencies right now endorses the current state of affairs. The not-one-more-dime camp, in part, is taking a bright-line stance against child detention. However, in part, they’re demonstrating a lack of trust in the Trump administration to adhere to any law or condition. And they assume that any money for migrant kid transit will, in some way or another, encourage ICE to detain more families and arrest more immigrants in the United States.

On the other hand, the “smart money” camp firmly believes that without the funds to improve detention conditions, things will only get worse. That’s especially relevant in the case of kids “unaccompanied” who have to remain in custody until a sponsor is found. The past couple weeks have demonstrated that children are extremely vulnerable and that much of the American public wants their situation change. It’s not clear how.

The Anthro World of Furry Costumes (Fourth Edition)

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Just as the 4th of July dies down over the weekend, the Furries descend onto Pittsburgh for their annual Furfest. Now given that it’s summer, you have to wonder how these people can wear these suits that can weigh as much as 70lbs. And unlike the Disney park costumes, I’m not sure if they contain fans. Nonetheless, these anthropomorphic cosplayers have been a source of endless fascination by many. Though some might resemble humanized versions of their animal, some can come in very bright colors. While some have a sort of mix-and-match critter thing going on. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of furry costumes.

  1. A fox should always show off its furs.
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At least I think it’s a fox. Still, their fur has spots on the tail, upper chest, and ears.

2. My, what a handsome pair of horns.

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Though I think they’re far from the savannah. Yet, they have hooves on their hands and feet.

3. Look, out someone’s green with envy.

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This one is green with horns and a white mane. Also, has hooves on their feet. Kind of a mix between a dog and a satyr.

4. Nothing beats spikes, horns, and scales.

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Despite that scales are usually seen on reptiles not mammals. Yet, you don’t want to go near this fantasy dog.

5. Guess this dog works for PennDOT.

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Because they’re wearing a bright orange vest. And it seems to be writing a citation. Wait a minute.

6. Need a paw?

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Someone’s willing to lend a hand. Though their ears are rather long.

7. Seems like you’ve run into a punk hyena.

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This one has red fur on the mane along with some earrings in their ear. Reminds me of a stereotypical drug dealer.

8. Perhaps a skull helmet would suit you.

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Well, this one has a skull helmet with horns on it. But it goes well with the stripes on their body.

9. A fuzzy neck can be absolutely fabulous.

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Yet, I’m not sure the black neck fur goes well with the whole fursuit. But they don’t seem to care.

10. Blue back spikes must always match the fur on top.

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And they seem to be on a beach in a palm tree location. So they must be roasting.

11. Sometimes a bright green stripe is all you need to stand out.

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Well, they have more than one neon green stripe. But they seem quite a climber from what I see in this picture.

12. One dog can have a coat of many colors.

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This one has some rainbow fur on their back. Though they’re sparkling and white up front.

13. We can all use a break now and then.

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This dog has yellow and blue fur. But right now they seem very exhausted. Must be the summer heat.

14. Someone’s getting funky on the dance floor.

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Well, they seem more like prancing than dancing. Still, they must be sweating inside that costume.

15. A shark tail can always make a dog look badass.

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Sure it doesn’t go well with a dog. But neither do clothes or the color blue.

16. Didn’t know a blue dog could have wings.

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Actually bats are the only mammals with wings as far as I know. However, don’t hug them.

17. This bunny just wants to listen to music by themselves.

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At least I think they’re a bunny. Sometimes you can’t tell what animal these furries are supposed to be.

18. Never thought I’d see a green dog before.

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Wonder what this dog would look in front of a green screen. Then again, you might not be able to see them.

19. This dog’s come well dressed.

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Seems like they’re dressed for a job interview. Hopefully, it’s for a pet store.

20. Who says dogs can’t be badass?

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And yes, they’re on a beach. Let’s hope it’s one in New England or Alaska. So they don’t succumb to heatstroke.

21. We all have our bad hair days.

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Or bad fur days in this furry’s case. Nonetheless, this dog has spots and fuzzy paws.

22. Someone’s waiting at the door.

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This leopard is dressed in regular street clothes. Hope they’re not inside an elevator.

23. Sometimes you better put your best tail forward.

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This dog just wants to strike a pose. Yet, they’re doing no favors being in front of a car.

24. Bet you didn’t see a zebra in a hotel before.

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This one has their front legs out on the balcony. Though I don’t think they have the best view.

25. This dog’s pants are totally ripped.

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Yet, I wouldn’t recommend wearing ripped jeans. Especially if they came that way on the rack.

26. Bet you want to hang out with these cool cats.

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On second thought, given the ferociousness of big cats, I’d rather not. They’ll eat me alive.

27. This blue and green dog is eager to meet you.

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They even have a matching bandana around their neck. Yet, their nose and tongue are blue, which should cause some concern.

28. You have to be batty for pink fur.

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You can see their wings. But I’m not sure if I’d run into a bat like them at night.

29. Want to get a load of this cool tiger?

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This one even wears shiny shorts. Then again, I’m not sure what those pants are.

30. You can see this dog from a mile away.

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Has 2 striped legs. One has black stripes. The other has yellow stripes.

31. Some dogs are just lone wolves.

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So it’s best to leave them alone. Since they just want to mind their own business.

32. No one could be as adorable as this black and white cat.

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Yes, they’re sitting in an adorable pose. And yes, they have pink eyes for extra cuteness.

33. Who can resist this eager purple dog?

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Well, a lot of furries don’t dress in natural color animal costumes. Still, they have pink claws and purple tiger stripes.

34. Want to get a high five?

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After all, kids will certainly go crazy over these costumed furries. Best be nice to them.

35. This dog lives for the ice and snow.

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Well, at least they won’t be subject to heatstroke. Nor would they need a coat either.

36. This lion might want a bit of privacy.

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At least according to how he stands. Though you have to admire that purple mane.

37. My, check the horns on this wolf.

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Okay, that’s definitely a fantasy creature. And yes, they have hooves on their feet, too.

38. Hope you don’t get devoured by this colorful tiger.

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This tiger is yellow with blue stripes. Wears a red bandana to round up the primary colors.

39. Bet you’ve never seen a bird this big before.

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Apparently, this bird is quite fuzzy, too. However, I don’t see any feathers though.

40. Never thought I’d see a purple dog like this.

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This one has big paws on their feet with bright blue claws. Wonder how they sit with that costume on.

41. Perhaps you might take a look at this majestic wolf.

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This one’s wearing a ragged dress. Like she’s wandering a dark forest.

42. Even dragons must take a break once in awhile.

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Sure they don’t seem like they’re the kind to burn King’s Landing. But piss them off and you’ll live to regret it.

43. This lynx just wants to say hello.

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In case you don’t know, these fursuits can cost thousands of dollars. This is among the cheaper ones.

44. I don’t want to know what this lion will do to this gingerbread man.

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Relax, the gingerbread man is a prop since it’s a plush. But the pose still makes you worry.

45. Want this doe to give you the time of day?

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Well, this one just constitutes of a deer mask and a dress. Simple as that.

46. Your claws can never be too long.

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Don’t worry, they’re plush like the rest of the costume. This critter just likes showing them off.

47. Care for a trip to the beach?

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Whoever’s wearing this costume must be sweating balls. Might have a tiger-striped fish tail.

48. Perhaps you might like a couple of colorful tails.

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One tail is black and bright blue. The other is rainbow. But both have dog faces.

49. Make sure the scarf matches the fur.

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Yet, they look at the camera like it’s up in their shit. And want you to back off.

50. This beast seems to enjoy a nice gold goblet of wine.

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Guess this chimera likes the finer things in life. Hope it doesn’t rain.

51. Someone is a bit husky.

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Since this one is a husky dog, obviously. But unlike those in Alaska, they don’t pull a sled.

52. You’d call this a hipster bat.

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Since they’re totally out of the mainstream. Their fur is even in neon colors.

53. Just a couple of wolves in each others arms.

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Though their den is way nicer than a lot of wolf dens. Despite it still being messy.

54. Hope you can’t get enough yellow and blue fuzz.

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Since they have yellow and blue fur. Not sure what that animal this is supposed to be.

55. Bright colors always make one stand out.

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This dog is blue and orange. Wears a checked bandana and black rimmed glasses without lenses.

56. Someone’s really playing possum.

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Even in bright blue and white, this furry possum’s quite ugly. Seems more like a neon rat.

57. This gray bunny only wants a hug.

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Seems straight from an anime. Though they’re gray and spotted.

58. Perhaps you’d like a calico fox.

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This one is in red, black, and white. And their back is quite elaborate don’t you think?

59. How about give this lion a hug?

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The lion even has their own collar. Though lions aren’t known for being anywhere domestication material.

60. A colorful bat should spread their wings.

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This one has vibrant green and yellow wings. Even matches with the bat ears.

61. No one could resist this striped cat.

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This one has a couple of horns on top. Also has big anime eyes.

62. A dog much match their bandana.

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This one has purple, pink, and blue fur. And they sit with their paws raised.

63. Get a look at these colorful paws.

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Paw colors are black, purple, green, and blue. Their legs have blue and purple stripes.

64. Green and pink always make a fine combination.

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This one has a green head along with pink and black lower paws. Seems like they’re ready for a speedskating race.

65. Ever heard of a punk panther?

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This one is green with spikes. Has a jacket with plenty of badges.

66. This punk dog prefers to hang around.

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This one has a leather vest, T-shirt, and a red collar. Even has a mohawk style, too.

67. Perhaps you’d flee from this infernal black beast.

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Don’t worry, they’re just a furry. Has horns and hooves.

68. Could you see the bat behind the wings?

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Seems like they’re wrapped in them. Wonder how they could sit down like that.

69. A leg can always use a few stars.

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This one has rainbow stars. Also rainbow fur on the head.

70. This deer is what you’d call a real lumberjack.

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Even carries a real ax along with jeans and a flannel shirt. Underneath, he wears suspenders and a bra.

71. I guess we found a real Playboy Bunny.

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He’s a bunny wearing a suit. Also the photo is black and white like it’s the 1960s and he’s Don Draper.

72. This majestic fox carries quite an impression.

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Mainly because they have antlers and blue in their fur. Also, their tail is quite long.

73. This dog rocks in the black and gold.

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I’m sure it will help them get free drinks in Pittsburgh during Furfest. Though their costume is more white than anything.

74. Apparently, a creature can have 3 eyes.

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The third eye is on top. Is also blue with spots all over their fur.

75. Blue and black make for a nice combination.

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Contains white claws with black ears and paws. Wonder if they have a beaver tail.

76. Perhaps you’d want to hang out with this leopard.

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Seems like they’re getting ready for the holidays. Though you wouldn’t want most cats to be near a tree.

77. This gray cat just wants to say hello.

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They have big eyes to inspire people to cuddle them. Also, has big ears.

78. Get a load on this colorful tiger.

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This one is mostly neon green and orange with yellow stripes. Won’t have much trouble seeing them in the dark.

79. Standing next to the genuine article.

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This snow leopard resembles the picture on the restaurant. Sure, it’s not an exact likeness.

80. Bet you didn’t see a bear like this.

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Almost blends in with the snow. Yet, you wouldn’t want to picnic near them.

I Want You to View These Vintage Wartime Propaganda Posters (Fourth Edition)

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Over the years around the 4th of July, I have done annual posts on propaganda posters. Mostly I use American wartime posters from the early 20th century. Mostly because their artistic quality is way better than those in the 19th century. Nonetheless, their presents appears to loom large since they were once seen everywhere to encourage the war effort. So it’s no surprise that so many became icons of pop culture. However, given that these were made decades ago, you’ll find plenty that haven’t aged well for some reason. Some may be racist. Some may be sexist. Some may depict very backward attitudes. Others may have terrible artwork and weird facial expressions. So for your reading pleasure I give you another assortment of vintage propaganda posters. Enjoy.

  1. Send your trash to the US military for war stuff.
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Well, at least it’s recycling. Though it’s applied to a rather sinister purpose.

2. Want to support the troops? Reduce your food intake.

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After all, soldiers, sailors, and marines need to eat, too. So best you might want to cut back on portion sizes.

3. Defend your country. Or else black guys will ravish your women.

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This is a WWII Italian poster evoking a common racist trope against black guys raping white women to stoke white people’s fears. And you can tell this is targeted toward Americans despite that black people served in multiple allied armies thanks to colonialism.

4. Buy war stamps to keep the Hun out.

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Still, I wonder how he could get through the window without bumping his helmet. Also, the blood on his bayonet might mean he’s out of ammo and is willing to kill again.

5. Are you a lady who can drive? Volunteer as a military driver.

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Still, I’m not sure if wearing a skirt that long is practical for being behind the wheel. Might get tangled. Also, you don’t want to go to the Western Front.

6. Germany is a place of manly strength.

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Nonetheless, compared to the guys you see in superhero movies, this man is kind of scrawny. Also, holding a torch naked doesn’t seem to fly.

7. Hey, sailors, no need to be stingy in the mess hall.

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Because you may not know when you’ll have your next meal. Still, military food doesn’t have a great reputation so make do with what you got.

8. Don’t let the shadow of Nazism touch your kids.

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Then again, it might be too late if you kid’s a neo-Nazi. Still, the swastika hovering over them is menacing.

9. Josef Stalin’s like, “Take that Hitler.”

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Despite the fact that Stalin made the near fatal mistake of trusting Hitler when the war started. Still, this is kind of funny that it’s hard to take it seriously.

10. War dogs are ready for trouble.

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Though you wouldn’t tell it by this dog’s face. Still, apparently, dogs can also be as disillusioned with carnage of war as people.

11. Are you a responsible civilian man? Volunteer as an air raid warden.

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However, like this guy, you’ll feel ridiculous to wear a hat with your business suit. Yeah, he doesn’t seem very happy.

12. Don’t get left behind with VD.

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Because we all know that STD-infected men make bad soldiers. So keep it in your pants for freedom.

13. Let’s hit the Axis leaders square in the ass.

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Since we’re making weapons for victory. So every time you make a bombshell, you’re getting rid of Fascism.

14. Britain has always come from proud generations of fighting for freedom.

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Except, much of the time they were usually the guys who most people were fighting against for freedom. Why do they not have an independence day?

15. Join the US Army for we build men.

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So you can put your lives on the line so you can either die, come home a mangled mess, or spend the rest of your life marred with PTSD. Yeah, not a pleasant experience.

16. Keep on the job and turn D-Day to V-Day.

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Yes, you want to see that Nazi surrender don’t you? Though this guy appears to have the same sullen face like he doesn’t mean it.

17. Servicemen fed courtesy of the Salvation Army.

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So they even serve food for the troops? Thought they just do charity work and raise money during the holiday season.

18. Factories are the big guns on the home front.

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However, I’m sure those smokestacks have horrible emissions. Way to contribute to climate change.

19. Shut off that light so they won’t see us.

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Because you don’t want Germans destroying your house. And let’s just say, that happened a lot in WWII Britain.

20. Our labor and our goods are meant for fighting.

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Still, perhaps you might not want to sew a guy’s pants while he’s working. Cause that’s kind of inconvenient.

21. Want to help with the war effort? Join the school garden army.

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Where you can learn about horticulture by growing veggies for those in uniform. Though I don’t think a skirt is practical for plow work.

22. Don’t forget to give generously to help sustain Russia.

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However, once the war’s over, stop donating money to the Russians. Since they’re our enemies and we’re fighting a nuclear arms race with them.

23. China is the first to fight so support it.

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Until after the war when the factions will resume their ongoing civil war and the Communists take over. Let’s just say things will get worse under Chairman Mao.

24. Behold all the people the Brits have terrorized.

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Well, this Italian WWII poster isn’t wrong since the British have inflicted a lot of death and destruction in the name of imperialism. However, we must understand this was made under Mussolini’s Fascist rule.

25. France is burning. Send help for the Red Cross.

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Since what kind of person wouldn’t want to help this pretty nurse? Still, France will face worse in WWII.

26. Supporting the war effort has always been a tradition for American women.

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They just do different things like sew or drill rivets. Still, after the war, the latter lady will have to give her job to a man.

27. Blood means life for defense so donate today.

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Offer not available for black people. Because the American Red Cross was racist at the time.

28. Soldiers caught in hellscape? Someone must’ve talked.

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Not sure if that’s the case most of the time. Since war’s all no matter what you do within it.

29. Yes, daddy helps build those plans indeed.

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The kids looking up kind of remind me of dolls from a horror movie. Kind of wish the planes shoot them down already.

30. War stamps are full of Vitamin “V.”

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This kid appears like a budding serial killer who’d slit your throat in a dark alley. Avoid him at all times.

31. Canadians, get your teeth into the job.

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Looks like Hitler climbed up the wrong tree. Since the Canadian beaver’s chopping like a storm.

32. Are you a boy under 18? Join the Victory Boys.

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This is an auxiliary unit for teenage boys to support soldiers. Yet, while our troops fight over there, they’re mostly doing care packages on the home front.

33. Produce your limit to stop the Axis Powers.

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This one depicts a monster with Hitler and Hirohito heads and smashing the Statue of Liberty. Yes, that’s Fascism to you.

34. Beware of the monstrous Liberators.

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This is a rather crazy Nazi propaganda poster from WWII. Seems assembled with everything the Nazis hated about the US but comes off as utterly ridiculous that it’s hard to take seriously.

35. Apparently, we got some sort of a traffic jam.

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This one is supposed to encourage people to use less sugar in their jellies. But the jam parade is utterly freaky.

36. In war, it’s best you watch what you say over the phone.

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For all you know, Hitler could be listening in. And you don’t want that, do you?

37. Even the walls have ears during wartime.

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Man, these propaganda posters might make you paranoid after awhile. And yes, you can have Nazis living next door, which is pretty scary.

38. Join a balloon barrage squadron to secure our nation.

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For one, those blimps fell out of favor after the Hindenburg crash. Second, more or less resembles a crazy steampunk cover.

39. Enlist in the Navy to help your country.

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I don’t know about you. But that naval captain seems like he’s tied to a net. Oh, that’s just his outfit.

40. You don’t want to call off work over syphilis do you?

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Yes, STDs are a bitch. So use protection or just keep it in your pants. Else, you lose your pay.

41. Behold, send in the Norwegian Legion.

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This guy seems like he wants to retreat but doesn’t have the confidence to. And now he realizes he’s in deep shit.

42. Wanted: 500,000 men to the Western Front. Your country wants you.

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That bald guy looks cartoonishly freaky, I’d pass on that. Seriously, the guy is the stuff of nightmares. Then again, anyone who refuses will get drafted anyway.

43. Don’t let the imperialist menace take away your babies.

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Yet, another poster from Axis Italy during WWII. Here death comes in Allied form and takes away a crying mom’s baby. Seems more fitting on a horror movie poster.

44. What are you waiting for, Canada?

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Okay, Canada did participate in World War II and many servicemen and women sent there served with distinction. Notable example: James Doohan from Star Trek. Still, that guy’s face is too priceless to take seriously.

45. Buy war savings stamps to save your kid from autocracy and poverty.

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Unfortunately, since we have the Trump Administration in power, your best bet is to vote for a Democrat for 2020. War saving stamps won’t save you today.

46. From the American Revolution to WWII, Americans have always fought for liberty.

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Well, that’s sort of true to an extent. Though Native Americans would beg to differ since we know what happened to them.

47. Be careful: telling a friend may mean telling an enemy.

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Now they’re telling us we can’t trust our friends. That our friends may be Nazis? Oh wait.

48. Ask yourself are you supporting the war effort with all you can?

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Well, that’s a good question with no easy answers. And you can see where it’s all headed to.

49. Put everything you can in this drive and keep on firing.

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Yet, I don’t understand the use of golf metaphors. But keep swinging at Hitler.

50. When do we get Hitler? It’s up to you.

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And the bombers seem to come after him right on schedule. Despite that he’ll shoot himself and his wife in a Berlin bunker in 1945.

51. For a quicker victory, we must do our part.

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Yeah, but we won’t achieve victory until 1945. So that’s 2 years off which will take some large scale invasions and 2 atom bombs.

52. Let beaver and lion join in pursuing victory.

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Yes, this is for Canada during WWII. Apparently, Canada was still part of Great Britain by then as far as this poster is concerned.

53. Pull for victory by helping us crack the world’s biggest nut.

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That’s Hitler by the way. But in the 1940s, he has some stiff competition with Mussolini, Stalin, Franco, and Mao.

54. As long as you keep it under your hat, the soldier will be safe.

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For careless talk costs lives. So don’t trust anyone with state secrets.

55. How will you save a life during Red Cross Week?

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For humanity’s sake, choose civilization over barbarism. Also, stay away from Trumpism since it’s basically an American variation of fascism.

56. Crowing is an easy way to lose the war.

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See the Axis leaders listening in to the rooster. Though you won’t get much intelligence from him. Unless he’s using a special rooster code.

57. Don’t forget to smack Hitler during your afternoon work.

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Sure, these women work part time. But they don’t put up with Nazis.

58. Beware of the snake of Fascism.

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Though given the language it’s in such as Spanish, I’m not sure who we’re supposed to root for. Are we supposed to be for the snake or the naked guy with the hammer?

59. Support your country. Dig for victory.

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But would you trust a small child with a hoe and shovel? Not sure if I would.

60. You can’t win without women at war.

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Indeed, someone has to make the bombs. And the young men need to be on the front lines. So….

61. Buy war savings stamps to share in the victory.

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So the angel has a sword in one hand and an olive branch in the other. So invest in war and relish in the peace.

62. Government training schemes come with paid allowances. So train to win.

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Though they really should use background checks. Since this guy seems to resemble the neighborhood psychokiller.

63. Use your blow torch to make a grilled cheese.

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I’m sure that would work. But you really shouldn’t trust me with a blowtorch.

64. Defending American freedom is everyone’s job.

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Here Uncle Sam puts on a more utilitarian hat so he won’t get his star-spangled top hat dirty. Though he doesn’t seem to be in prime condition.

65. Steel, not bread for the conquered.

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You can see the knife has a swastika on the handle. Though the conquered can also use bread, too.

66. Are you in the British war effort?

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The guys on the top go into the trenches. The others below stay on the home front. Be the folks at the home front.

67. The Patriotic Service League is America’s third line of defense.

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You can tell it’s from World War 1 since it says “Confront Prussia.” Prussia had ceased to exist as a country in the 1870s. It was Germany then.

68. Remember folks, war traffic must come first.

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Because in a time of war, the trains must run on time. Our servicemen’s lives depend on it.

69. Buy war bonds. They’re waiting.

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If you don’t, the kid and the dog dies from a bombing. Just saying.

70. Buy war stamps to keep the planes fighting over the ocean.

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Because we’ll need to a ton of planes to deal with those Japanese Zeroes. Still, the Pacific front is a real shitshow.

71. Your blood can save this soldier.

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Blood donation offers available to white people only. Because 1940s America is under segregation where blacks in the South are effectively disenfranchised.

72. Russian bricklayers are willing to do their part.

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Though this guy seems more likely to drop one on you. Make sure he’s not above you or you’ll live to regret it. If you live at all.

73. Cut down on the carbs and take down the Kaiser.

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Because the troops need food to take down those U-Boats. But WWI will be won in the trenches.

74. During wartime, create make your own victory home.

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So this means getting war work, raise and share food, walk and carry packages, conserve everything, and save 10% in war bonds. Some of this can apply to fighting climate change.

75. The American Junior Red Cross are builders of a new world.

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Though lately, the American Red Cross has been under a lot of scrutiny. Since they haven’t had a great reputation in recent years.

76. Arise women, your country needs you.

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And after you’re done, you might get the vote with the 19th Amendment. But don’t ask for it now.

77. Someone’s absent. Is it you?

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What’s unsettling about this is that John Bull kind of resembles Donald Trump in a top hat and Union Jack vest. Makes me want to puke.

78. Do your part to help your country and make these planes fly.

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Note that if you serve on a bomber plane, you don’t have very good survival odds. So write your last will and testament while you can.

79. Stay away from the red light district.

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Notice how the prostitute’s depicted like a skeleton? That’s because she’s riddled with STDs.

80. Want to help defend America, ladies? Join the SPARS.

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Guess that’s the female auxiliary to the Coast Guard. Yet, they show a woman wielding a shotgun in front of a covered wagon on the Oregon Trail. Bet she lost someone to dysentery.

81. Best keep your mouth shut since spies can be anyone.

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Note Hitler behind. So he has people listening around since he’d like an easy victory.

82. Express your thanks to the Merchant Navy.

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They don’t get appreciated for their work that much. But without them, the troops would have nothing. Still, it would be better to depict sailors than guys in business suits.

83. Join the Marines so we can smack ’em down.

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And yes, they have flyers like the Army and Navy. Make sure he’s not on a bomber or he’s probably history.

84. In France, gold fights for victory.

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And the rooster on the gold coin won’t let the soldier forget it. Also, chickens aren’t cowards since they can rip your freaking face off if you provoke them.

85. Ladies, join the WAVES to make your parents proud.

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Since little Jimmy is too young to serve. While you just want to get as far from your parents as you can.

86. Britain expects national service.

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And here you see Athena with a Union Jack over a military base. Sure won’t protect against German bombings.

87. If you can’t go across, come across by buying bonds.

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However, I pity the ship who gets this seaman. Since he has that killer instinct and probably tortured animals as a child.

88. Don’t let American GIs pistol whip innocent Italian children.

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Yes, this is another Fascist Italian poster. And yes, Americans aren’t depicted in a sympathetic light.

89. Want to be a ship’s officer? Join the Merchant Marines.

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For the guy who wants to do his part but doesn’t want to see combat. Seriously, Mr. Roberts is basically a war movie without battle scenes since merchant marine service is the boring side of war.

90. Beach fronts are only reserved for the Master Race.

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You’d almost think this was a vacation photo of the Malfoys. Except the Malfoys are pale while the dad seems like he’s related to the Trump family.

91. Join the Scottish War Savings Committee for honor’s sake.

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They may bomb our lands. But they’ll never take our Freeeedom! Okay, I have to include at least one reference to Braveheart.

92. You defeated the Germans. Now defeat VD.

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Because there’s gonna be a lot of it. So if you have an STD, keep it in your pants.

93. Apparently, France will be on fire soon if we don’t act now.

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Wonder what war is this for. Judging by the guy’s uniform, it might be straight out of the 19th century. Perhaps the Franco-Prussian War.

94. Slaughter a bunch of Russians, you’ll get an Iron Cross.

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Luckily, the Germans didn’t have much luck in Stalingrad. And Stalingrad marked the turning point in WWII. Sorry, D-Day fans.

95. Britishers need you so come across now.

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After all, the US and Britain are close. And the US is kind of leaning on the Allies. Though they won’t decide until Pearl Harbor. Or Lusitania since I might be talking about the wrong war.

96. Are you Irish and Canadian? We got a unit for you.

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By the way, they’re recruiting in Montreal. You know a major city in Quebec, where they speak French. Wonder what’s weird about this.

97. Since Pearl Harbor, we’re all in this together.

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Notice the big red letters designed to grab your attention. Still, we’re all in this together. So dump Trump from the White House once and for all in 2020. Please, I’m begging you.

98. The military still has a place for you.

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But if you haven’t joined already, don’t bet on avoiding the draft. We can’t all afford to get temporary bone spurs.

99. Appreciate America and stop the 5th Column.

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Because we must resist foreign propaganda. Whether it’s Nazi tirades or fake Russian websites and Twitter accounts.

100. Remember that a night with Venus could mean a lifetime of Mercury.

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So unless you got condoms on you, you might want to keep it in your pants, soldier. Yes, STDs are a bitch.

Celebrate the Stars and Stripes Forever with These Star Spangled 4th of July Craft Projects (Fourth Edition)

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In the United States, since the 4th of July is considered the nation’s birthday, many Americans go all out with red, white, and blue decorations to show their patriotic pride. Some decorate their home with American flags. Some use other star-spangled decorations that you see in the photo above. While many Americans may purchase their Americana décor in a store, some might prefer to make their own. Unlike the treats, you can use these craft decorations year after year. As you can see on Pinterest and Etsy, you need not go far to find it. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of 4th of July craft projects.

  1. Perhaps you might want to put the stars inside the lantern.
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This one has red and blue lights inside. Perfect for any patriotic corner table.

2. Any patriotic mantle should have an American flag saw.

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Yes, I showed one before. But this one has the stripes go in a straight line.

3. A 4th of July wreath should come with star-spangled stars.

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This one uses 5-pointed stars of all sizes. Great for any all-American front door.

4. Make your salute to our country with these 4th of July blocks.

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One block says “4th of July.” The other says “USA.” The one in the middle has carved wooden stars in red and blue.

5. Nothing makes a more patriotic 4th of July like a red and white pom-pom wreath.

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This one has red and white pom poms and small blue stars. So pretty.

6. Don’t like wreaths? Use an umbrella bouquet instead.

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Contains red and white flowers with American flags. An all-American bouquet if there ever was one.

7. Bet you’ve never seen a 4th of July wreath like this before.

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This one is made out of curled cloth pieces. Like the red, white, and blue flowers in the center.

8. Grace your star-spangled table with this all-American bouquet.

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Mostly consists of sparkly and Dr. Seuss like decorations. Also includes a metal blue star in a blue bucket. Makes a great centerpiece.

9. Care for a star-spangled star?

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This star is decked like an American flag. Like the red, white, and blue decomesh bow.

10. Celebrate the spirit 1776 with this wooden plaque.

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Has red and white stripes. “1776” appears in shiny blue block numbers.

11. Celebrate the American spirit with this block American flag.

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Sure it might be a small flag. But our American flag is very hard to copy onto a small surface.

12. A giant Uncle Sam nutcracker should always stand by your door.

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Here he stands on a drum and waves a Betsy Ross flag. Sure it’s creepy but it’s incredible.

13. Make your 4th of July festive with these bouquets.

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Both use hats as a vase. One kind of resembles Uncle Sam’s. Love the flowers.

14. Any American would love these star-spangled flowers.

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These have starry centers and striped petals. The milk pail vase adds a rustic touch.

15. Support our troops this 4th of July with this wreath.

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Contains red, white, blue, and camouflage. Also includes an American flag and dog tags.

16. With these wooden candles, your 4th of July will be a blast.

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These are painted like the American flag. While they shoot up shiny stars in red, white, and blue.

17. Nothing makes 4th of July memorable like a wreath of the stars and stripes.

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This one is made from a stars and stripes ribbon. Include firework craft effects, American flags, and the word “Freedom” on the bottom.

18. Perhaps a more rustic 4th of July wreath will suit your tastes.

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This one is covered with burlap and denim. While it sports “4th” in big red print.

19. For your 4th of July bonfire use a pit like this.

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Depicts a flag and fireworks in iron. Perfect for any 4th of July party.

20. A 4th of July display should always include at least one firework.

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This one includes star-spangled ribbons and other red, white, and blue decorations. Makes a great centerpiece.

21. The more fireworks in your 4th of July bouquet the better.

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Each of these firecrackers is decked in red, white, and blue. The patterns are either stars or stripes.

22. Perhaps you might like a pallet stars and stripes.

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This one is in a Betsy Ross pattern. Though the stars seem to resemble an oval more than a circle.

23. Enjoy your 4th of July with these sand candles.

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Okay, the candles are fake for safety reasons. But the sand is nonetheless red, white, and blue.

24. Honor our serving men and women with this picture frame.

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Well, it’s more of a collage with a soldier picture and a wooden American flag. But any patriotic American would want it.

25. A rope red, white, and blue wreath is just as nice.

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Well, the wreath is mostly white with a little red. But the 3 blue stars give it a patriotic shine.

26. Perhaps you’d want a small flag on your mantle.

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This is made out of wood. Yet, the stars and stripes barely fit on it.

27. This American summer, curl up with this patchwork blanket.

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This one has patches of red, white and blue. But only the blue sports white stars.

28. Any patriot would die for a burlap wreath like this.

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This one is covered in red star ribbon and shiny star decorations. Love the bow, though.

29. Care to have red and blue stars on your white candles?

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Yes, these are real candles. But the stars make them perfect for 4th of July.

30. Show your pride for the USA with these block letters.

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Though they may be made of wood, they’re far more fancy than the letters you’ve probably seen. Also contains more patriotic touches.

31. A 4th of July wreath should always have an Uncle Sam hat.

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This one is decomesh with a shiny hat in the center. Great for any star-spangled front door.

32. Patriotic pockets should always have flowers.

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Well, these pockets are blue with white stars and red flowers. Also includes an American flag. Looks great on a white picket fence.

33. Feel free to put some American flags in your flower pot.

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Or pail, as this one is. Make sure the flowers are red, white, or blue.

34. Perhaps you’d want a heart wreath with bandanas.

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Make sure you tie them on the wire and put stars on the blue part. Perfect for any all-American home.

 

35. Have your all-American girl deck this cute 4th of July dress.

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This is for a small girl. While the blue skirt has stars and the red edging has white polka dots.

36. Greet your guests with this 4th of July wreath with folded paper.

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Well, these papers are folded in circles with stars on top. Each is in red, white, or blue.

37. Any soldier would want a rag wreath like this.

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Sure the cloth bits are felt. Yet, it’s a heart in blazing red, white, blue, and camouflage.

38. Got a straw hat? Make an Uncle Sam wreath out of it.

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This one uses string for the hair and beard. It even has a hat, ironically.

39. Feel free to wrap the grand old flag on your wreath.

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I don’t think it’s that old. But it does go nicely on a wreath like this.

40. A wooden flag cross should always have burlap bow.

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Well, I usually don’t take church and state separation when showing crosses like these. But I would try to show American flag items of other religions if I come across them.

41. Care to have an American flag at your window.

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Well, a window frame, anyway. Since the flag seems to go through it.

42. This Uncle Sam hat has all the bells and whistles.

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I only meant that figuratively, of course. Still, makes a great centerpiece on any American table.

43. Perhaps you might want some extra patriotic decoration on this white lantern.

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Includes ribbons of red, white, and blue as well as a small Uncle Sam hat. So pretty.

44. Make a patriotic impression this 4th of July with these Uncle Sam hat bouquets.

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Includes red, white, and blue flowers. Wonder what those squiggly things are.

45. A striped wreath should include a few stars.

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As long as the stripes and stars are red, white, and blue. Great for any home celebrating the 4th of July.

46. A bald eagle should always be majestic on an American flag.

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After all, the bald eagle is our country’s national symbol. Since it can always soar high in the sky.

47. A red and white striped canvas should always contain a blue star.

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This especially goes for this 4th of July decoration. Also includes a white tulle bow and branches of red berries.

48. Grace your living room with this American flag coffee table.

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It’s basically a simple wooden table with the American flag painted on it. Great for indoors and outdoors.

49. Anyone want Uncle Sam in their garden?

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Okay, this guy’s made out of wood. But he does bring some star-spangled charm.

50. Show your pride for the stars and stripes with these pinwheel hair clips.

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They look more like flowers to me. But each is in red, white, and blue felt glory.

51. A ragged flag always looks great in a frame.

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This one uses felt strips of red, white, and blue for the stars and stripes. Also says, “God Bless America” on the top.

52. Welcome your guests this Independence Day with this American flag curtain.

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This one includes sentiments of Americana. And all on printed scrolls.

53. Any American girl would appreciate a patriotic skirt like this.

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Consists of red and white stripes under a blue fabric with polka dots. Sure they’re not stars, but they’ll do.

54. You can make a pretty vase with red and white striped straws.

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By the way, these straws are made of paper. But I love the blue ribbon tying them together.

55. Perhaps you can put a red, white, and blue bow in your hair.

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Well, it’s made from red, white, and blue ribbons. Though one has white dots instead of stars.

56. A simple rustic wreath will always do.

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This one has a red bow with a blue cloth of white stars. Also includes an American flag near the top.

57. Nothing makes 4th of July a patriotic spectacle like a decomesh wreath like this.

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This is an American flag wreath. You can see the stars in blue near the top.

58. You might want a star in the red white and blue.

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This one has a lovely painting with the blue part containing white stars. So pretty.

59. An American flag should be covered in flowers.

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The flowers are fake, of course. Nonetheless, this is a rather creative design. Love it.

60. Deck your American home with this Uncle Sam wine bottle.

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This one has Uncle Sam’s face painted on it. And yes, it’s pretty adorable.

61. “Oh, crown thy hood with brotherhood/From sea to shining sea.”

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This one has Uncle Sam’s face painted on it. And yes, it’s pretty adorable.

62. A ribbon wreath should have at least 2 flags.

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The ribbons are red, white, and blue, naturally. Like the red bow on top.

63. Welcome your guests with this epic 4th of July display.

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Includes red, white, and blue firecrackers. Also has Uncle Sam at the top.

64. A burlap flag wreath brings a rustic touch.

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Has 3 stars in the blue near the top. Great for any American door around Independence Day.

65. A lantern decoration can’t have too many ribbons.

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This one is on a lantern. Some of the bows are even in an American flag pattern.

66. You might be in the mood for a patriotic window.

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Includes a wreath and a chain of stars in red, white, and blue. Perfect for any patriotic home.

67. Since pinwheels are popular this time of year, why not a pinwheel flag?

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Sure it’s not an exact replica. But it’s kind of cool if you think of it.

68. Want some wooden candles in a metal bin?

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Well, there’s only a couple of them. But they’re both painted like the American flag.

69. Let God bless America with this flowery flag cross.

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Good for a funeral for servicemen. Also topped with a star-spangled ribbon.

70. With paper flowers, you can make your own bouquet.

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You can even use blue wine bottles as vases. And both have gingham bows.

71. A flowery wreath should always have a big hollow star on it.

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This one has a large white one. In the middle, it says, “Happy 4th of July.”

72. An Uncle Sam hat isn’t complete without any golden stars sticking out.

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Well, gold, red, white, and blue stars along with gold berries. Perfect as a centerpiece.

73. Bet you’ve never seen stars like these.

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They’re wooden stars with wooden frames. One has stars. One has stripes.

74. Want a make a firework? Paint a stick and put string on it.

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Each is painted in red, white, and blue. And they’re put in a twig nest.

75. Curl up on your all-American couch with this flag pillow.

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The red and white stripes are made from fabric strips. As the stars on the corner are made from buttons.

76. This American flag comes in 6 parts.

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The red and white stripes are made from fabric strips. As the stars on the corner are made from buttons.

77. A clothespin wreath may intrigue you.

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Consists of red clothespins with white stripes and white clothespins with red spots. The blue ones have stars.

78. How about a wreath wrapped in a flag?

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Includes a star on the top. Great for any front door on the 4th of July.

79. I’m sure any girl would want American flag flowers in her hair.

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One has red and white stripes. The others are white and blue. So cute.

80. A red wagon should have plenty of patriotic décor.

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This one will really show the fireworks. Also includes American flags and flowers.

81. Curl up on your couch with this American flag quilt.

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Well, it doesn’t exactly resemble a flag. But it’s a real patchwork to hang.

82. Hope you’ll enjoy these firecrackers in this bouquet.

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They’re set in a white pail. But at least these fireworks won’t explode on you.

83. How about a rug of Uncle Sam and Lady Liberty?

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They’re even adorned in American flag attire. Perfect for any liberty loving home.

84. Perhaps a few striped candles might do for your 4th of July.

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Make sure that they have red and blue stripes along with white stars. Has stars sprouting out of their wick holes.

85. Your little Uncle Sam can use a suit.

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The little boy has a cotton beard. Still, he looks quite cute.

86. A 4th of July wreath can use a few bows.

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Some are red, some are striped, and some are blue with white polka dots. So pretty.

87. A straw wreath is sure to impress.

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Yes, they’re paper straws. But they’re striped in red, white, and blue.

88. Perhaps your 4th of July wreath can use a star in the center.

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This one has strips tied to the frame. While the star says, “God Bless America.”

89. I call this the Liberty Tree.

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Since it has hearts on a tree that are red, white, and blue. And on a copy of a math book page.

90. Any America should relish a wreath of roses.

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Okay, they’re fake. But they’re in true American red, white, and blue with stars.

91. You can put anything inside an Uncle Sam hat.

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Has evergreen branches, stars, and an American flag inside. Makes a great centerpiece.

92. Got a grater? Make a decoration out of it.

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Has a star and a flag inside. Great to put beside the door.

93. An Uncle Sam bouquet always has to include red roses.

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Sure it’s part of a collection. Yet, the roses surely look fabulous.

94. A rag wreath can do with some firecrackers.

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Also includes stars in red, white, and blue. Great for any American front door.

95. Seems like this Uncle Sam is unusually potted here.

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That’s because he’s made out of flower pots. So adorable.

96. No one can resist this star-spangled star.

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It’s made from wood scraps. Includes a scheme of red, white and blue.

97. This American flag cross has a horseshoe for luck.

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This one is made from 2 pallet strips. And yes, they’re painted in the stars and stripes.

98. These firecrackers will be a blast at your 4th of July table.

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And they’re all in red, white, and blue patterns. Like the stars on the wires to create sparks.

99. A pinwheel wreath is simply spectacular.

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This is especially if the pinwheels are shiny. Wonder if they actually turn with the wind when hung on a door.

100. A proud patriot would hang this Uncle Sam.

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This one even uses long hat and a long fuzzy beard. So cute.

Salute the Red, White, and Blue United States of America with These Patriotic 4th of July Treats (Fifth Edition)

4th-of-July-party-table

Now that summer is around the corner and Father’s Day is over, it’s on to prepare for the 4th of July, or Independence Day. Normally, this would inspire patriotism, fireworks, and anything red, white, and blue. However, during the dark times of the Trump administration, it’s very difficult for me to get pumped with patriotic pride except when it comes to, “Impeach the Motherfucker.” Anyway, during this time, you’ll find plenty of stores across the country filled with red, white, and blue patriotic decorations, flags, and paper plates. In addition, the 4th of July is a time of fireworks and barbecues. And nothing inspires patriotic devotion to the flag like some star-spangled treats, which is where I come in. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasury of star-spangled 4th of July treats.

  1. Don’t forget to add blueberries to your red and white cheesecakes.

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Because a 4th of July dessert has to be red, white, and blue. Includes mint leaves for flavor.

2. Nothing makes a 4th of July party like a star-spangled cake.

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The cake is blue with white stars. Also includes folded red and white stripes.

3. A 4th of July cake should always have Lady Liberty on top.

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Since she’s a beacon of liberty throughout the world. Of course, you don’t want Trump anywhere near her.

4. Grace your star-spangled dessert platter with an American flag ruffle cake.

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Well, it’s like an American flag cake but fancier. Perfect for any 4th of July party.

5. Any American will love a Lady Liberty cake with fireworks.

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It’s a more festive Lady Liberty cake but way more festive. Includes a star base and sailboats.

6. A summer 4th of July cake should always contain some fruit.

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Includes strawberries and blueberries over white icing and 2 tiers. If you want healthier options for dessert, this cake’s for you.

7. Instead of ice cream sandwiches, cake batter sandwiches can be just as nice.

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All of these have batter between 2 graham crackers and include, red, white, and blue sprinkles. Some even have stars.

8. 4th of July bites contain all that fruity patriotic goodness.

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Contains raspberries and blueberries. Each tart includes a couple of crusty stars.

9. Perhaps you might want some dessert kabobs.

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Consist of iced marshmallows, strawberries, and cake stars. And it seems the stars contain red and blue stuff inside.

10. Nobody could resist these patriotic trifle treats.

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One side has raspberries. The other side has blueberries. Both sides have stars.

11. No 4th of July cake can be more star-spangled than this.

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This one has 3 tiers with stars in red, white, and blue configurations. Only the white tier has the flag, though.

12. 4th of July cupcakes should always have red, white, and blue icing.

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Helps that these are chocolate. Yet, each one wishes a happy 4th of July to you.

13. You might prefer some fruity red, white, and blue kabobs.

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Consists of strawberries, blueberries, and banana slices. And all on skewers.

14. A great 4th of July cake should always have a few stars.

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This one has 2 tiers. One consists of red and white stripes. The other is blue with white stars.

15. Cool off this Independence Day with these American flag jello bars.

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May or may not contain alcohol, depending on who brings them. Still, wonder how these jello shapes could have many colors.

16. A small fruity patriotic tart may suit your appetite.

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Contains strawberries, blackberries, and blueberries. And it can fit on a small plate.

17. A red, white, and blue trifle will make a lovely addition to your 4th of July dessert platter.

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Has strawberries and blueberries on top. While red and blue cake pieces are mixed with whipped cream inside.

18. Perhaps you might want a star-spangled tart with strawberries.

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Well, this one contains strawberries and blueberries on top of white icing. Perfect for any 4th of July party.

19. Red, white, and blue shoes belong on any 4th of July cake.

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Cake is even trimmed with red, white, and blue flower stars. While it contains stars on the sides.

20. Treat your guests this 4th of July with this fruity cheesecake.

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Contains strawberries and blueberries on top. Perfect for any patriotic dessert platter.

21. A red, white, and blue cake always needs a few patriotic pinwheels.

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Sure you can’t eat the pinwheels. But they emphasize star-spangled pride.

22. An icing trifle can be just as sweet.

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Contains strawberries, blueberries, and marshmallows. Has red and blue cake on the bottom.

23. Anyone would love a cake with stars and stripes.

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Has 3 tiers with stripes in the middle. Still, got to love the white bow on top.

24. Nothing makes an American treat like these star tarts.

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Each tart contains strawberries inside. Though I recommend you eat these with a plate.

25. Any patriot would want these starry cupcakes.

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These have blue icing and white stars on them. Will go quite nicely with the star tarts.

26. A simple patriotic cake will always do.

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This one has 3 tiers of red, white, and blue. And each has minimal decoration dots.

27. The Statue of Liberty should always stand tall on a red, white, and blue foundation.

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She stands on 2 tiers. One has stripes. The other is blue with white stars.

28. Nothing makes your 4th of July party like firework hotdogs.

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These are covered with hotdog wraps with cheese triangles on top. Served on a stick.

29. Patriotic flag wavers will love this Uncle Sam cake.

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Yes, it’s professionally made like a lot of cakes on these posts. But he’s nevertheless adorable. And no, you can’t eat the flag.

30. This star is happy to salute the red, white, and blue.

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Yes, that’s a smiling star holding the American flag. And yes, its edges are covered in sprinkles.

31. An angel food cake like this will put you in a patriotic heaven.

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Has 3 layers with strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries on top of icing. Perfect for any patriot’s dessert platter.

32. Perhaps a true patriot would want a 4th of July cake like this.

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The bottom tier has the US Constitution. The top tier has the American flag.

33. Nothing makes your patriotic dessert platter like red, white, and blue sugar cookies.

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Of course, food coloring is involved here. But they make a charming dessert addition.

34. No American can resist these patriotic cake pops.

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These sit on top American flag pencils. Also includes chocolate stars and toothpick American flags. Oh, and they’re covered in red, white, and blue sprinkles.

35. Care for a patriotic M&M cookie?

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These are chocolate cookies with M&M flower designs. And yes, they are the red, white, and blue ones.

36. Would you like some trifle in a cup?

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Contains blueberries, raspberries, and whipped cream inside. And yes, it’s quite fruity.

37. This star-spangled cake is a real patchwork.

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Has blue and white squares with red and white stars. While the American flag is front and center.

38. These star bites make great all-American appetizers.

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Each of these consists of a hotdog slice and a hotdog wrap in a star shape. You can even dip them in cheese.

39. These patriotic cookies will warm your all-American heart.

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Includes cupcakes and stars. Stars have red, white, and blue decorations. Cupcakes have hearts and sprinkles.

40. Anyone would love these patriotic cookies.

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Yes, they’re professionally made. Yet, each gives you an aura of the stars and stripes and the summer.

41. Iced cookies must have red and blue swirls.

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Of course, you have to keep up the patriotic spirit. But make sure you don’t make a mess.

42. With this cake, you can begin your 4th of July with a bang.

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Well, the design on top is supposed to resemble a firework. Yet, make sure you use red, white, and blue icing.

43. No American should take a pass with these 4th of July cookies.

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Mostly consist of hearts, stars, and American flags. And all in red, white, and blue glory.

44. You’ll have a blast with these fireworks cookies.

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The firecrackers may be blue. But they surely give a blast of red.

45. Any American will have to try these American flag brownies.

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Each one has a blueberry and a star in the corner. While the brownies are chocolate.

46. You might enjoy these patriotic cupcakes.

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These include straws and drizzle. Each is topped with white icing. So pretty.

47. Why leave your dog out of the 4th of July festivities?

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Yes, these are 4th of July dog treats. And yes, they’re in red, white, and blue.

48. Your 4th of July can’t be complete without this star-spangled cake.

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This one has stripes on the edges and stars on the top. Lovely for any 4th of July party.

49. Feel free to drape the American flag on this cake.

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Yes, it’s supposed to resemble a flag being crumpled up. Though I’m pretty sure it’s edible.

50. Perhaps you’d like this patriotic ice cream treat on Independence Day.

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This is an ice cream cone with red sprinkles and blueberries on the top. Perfect patriotic frozen treat.

51. A fireworks cupcake should go all out on the red, white, and blue.

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Though the icing here kind of resembles toothpaste. Still, like the fireworks decoration on top.

52. Celebrate Independence Day with this cake of the Statue of Liberty.

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I’m sure this one would be used for a large party. Yet, she stands quite gracefully.

53. This 4th of July picnic, treat your guests to some red, white, and blue fruit salad.

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Includes strawberries and blueberries. Not sure what else.

54. 4th of July trifle should always include some red velvet stars.

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Also has blueberries, strawberries, and whipped cream. Perfect for any patriotic dessert platter.

55. Fruit kabobs should always include stars.

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Also has strawberries, blueberries, and marshmallows. Just to get the red, white, and blue.

56. A 4th of July cake should be bursting with stars.

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This one has red, silver, and blue stars. Love the red and blue bow.

57. For a cool treat, you can’t beat these star ice cream sandwiches.

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Each one has a red and star blue cookie along with vanilla ice cream in between. Decorated with red, white, and blue sprinkles.

58. Care for a shooting star cookie?

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These have white and blue stripes. Contains red sugar inside.

59. Perhaps you might prefer a patriotic parfait.

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Has white and red jello stripes. While the blueberries sit atop.

60. Enjoy your 4th of July with some patriotic fudge.

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Come in red, white, and blue blocks. Each is decked with sprinkles.

61. Hope you can enjoy these patriotic hand pies.

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Not sure what flavor they are. Though 2 have stars while one has a flag.

62. Patriotic popcorn makes for a great 4th of July treat.

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This is basically popcorn covered with blue and red sugar. Because it’s supposed to be red, white, and blue.

63. No American can resist these patriotic pretzel bites.

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Consists of waffle pretzels with blue and M&Ms in white icing. An ideal patriotic snack.

64. Perhaps you might prefer some patriotic swirl cookie bars.

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The cookies are in red and while. While they’re topped with blue icing and sprinkles.

65. This 4th of July, treat your guests to some raspberry pie.

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You can even see stars on the crust. Nonetheless, feel free to serve.

66. Would you like some patriotic fruit salad?

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Consists of blueberries, strawberries, and banana slices. And all arranged into an American flag.

67. For healthier options, you might like some patriotic quinoa.

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Has strawberries and blackberries in it. Reminds me of some oatmeal in a commercial.

68. Cool down with some red, white, and blue popsicles.

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The top is blue while the rest consists of red and white stripes. Not sure how you get the colors together though.

69. Care for a Rice Krispie American flag?

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This one has icing red stripes and sprinkle stars on blue icing. Wonder how large the plate is though.

70. You’ll find this pie all covered with stars.

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The stars are made from pie crusts. Great for any 4th of July picnic.

71. Want any stars with your patriotic fruit salad?

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Contains strawberries and blueberries. While the stars are white.

72. Suit yourself to these red, white, and blue cookies.

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Well, these have red, white, and blue stripes. But they sure look tasty and easy to make.

73. Nothing is more patriotic on the 4th of July than red, white, and blue jello stars.

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Depending on host, may or may not contain alcohol. Yet, it has red, white, and blue layers.

74. This 4th of July grace your platter with these stars and stripes cookie bars.

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The top has red, white, and blue stripes on icing. While the filling has red and blue bits inside.

75. A fruity cake can use a few sparklers.

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This one has whipped cream and strawberry slices on the edges. While the blueberries are on top.

76. Salute your country with an American flag sheet cake.

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Yes, this is professionally made. But it surely shows the stars and stripes.

77. Surely an American flag doesn’t have to cover a whole cake.