And Yet They Stay Silent 

Now that Donald Trump is no longer president, I often don’t feel the need to pay as much close attention to him as I once did during those nightmare four years in office. Although he has announced his candidacy for the 2024 presidential election, I still remain wary. Since I still remember how we all underestimated him during the 2016 election campaign to our great detriment. If there’s one thing I don’t want to see in my life, it’s seeing another Trump presidency. Even though their disastrous showing in the 2022 midterm elections have led the Republican Party to reevaluate their relationship with Trump, we must not rejoice that they’ve turned away from their cult leader completely. Even if the GOP establishment has, the fact I still see Trump signs within my area shows that he still has his loyal fans and still has influence. Besides, whenever Trump says or does something that hurts the GOP’s image, most Republican politicians will do this dance where they’ll openly condemn Trump for his inexcusable conduct or try to distance themselves from him. Only to keep crawling back to him once they believe the scandal has gone away. And if Trump does well enough to win the GOP primary in 2024, I can guarantee that the Republicans will have his back. 

On Saturday, December 3, 2022, Donald Trump for the termination of the US Constitution to overturn the 2020 election and reinstate him to power. Writing on his personal bully pulpit Truth Social, Trump said, “Do you throw the Presidential Election Results of 2020 OUT and declare the RIGHTFUL WINNER, or do you have a NEW ELECTION? A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution. Our great ‘Founders’ did not want, and would not condone, False & Fraudulent Elections!” According to CNN, Trump’s post came after a release of internal Twitter emails showing deliberation in 2020 over a New York Post story about material found on Hunter Biden’s laptop. But really, who gives a shit about Hunter Biden’s laptop besides right wing news outlets and their viewers? For God’s sake the only thing about Hunter Biden’s laptop that I care about is when I’ll stop hearing about it. Nevertheless, when a public figure calls to do away with foundational blueprint to our democracy, we absolutely need to take that person seriously. Particularly if that figure is a former president who once swore to preserve, protect, and defend that very document. Especially if that former president has been willing to pander to white supremacists, undermine decades of political precedents and democratic norms while in office, refused to accept the results of a presidential election two years ago that he’s still bitching about, constantly pushes conspiracy theories to his cadre of cult followers who’d believe anything he says, and incited violent insurrection at the US Capitol in an attempt to overthrow the federal government. Not to mention, stole thousands of classified documents away to Mar-a-Lago, which spurred an FBI raid on the resort this summer. And certainly if that former president still has supporters to make Republican politicians hesitant to take a cue from Liz Cheney on January 6 and ditch Trump for good.  

I am not surprised that Donald Trump believes in ditching the US Constitution in order to overturn the 2020 presidential election and have his own power reinstated. The man is a textbook, narcissistic psychopath who believes he’s above the law as well as not bound to the same rules and norms as everyone else. Not to mention, sees the world as his personal playground where he can do whatever the fuck he wants and profit from it. Nor does he believe that he should be held accountable for his very egregious actions. Besides, back in 2016, I wrote a blog post on why you shouldn’t vote for Trump. Among the reasons I listed were that he has no respect for America, its values, or its people. Not to mention, linked to US enemies and dictators and had his campaign tamper with the political process. Nor does he have any respect for American democracy or the rule of law. You might think I might’ve sounded alarmist at the time. However, what has transpired since Trump won the presidency during that dark November of 2016 has unfortunately confirmed that I was absolutely right. When Trump solemnly swore to preserve, protect, and defend the US Constitution during his inauguration, I knew that was all a sham. Because Trump is a man with no conscience who will always put his own interests first, including that of the country’s. Always was. Always will be. Now that he’s subject to multiple criminal investigations, the January 6 Committee has convened, the FBI has raided Mar-a-Lago, and Congress can now look into his tax returns, Trump is trying to use his influence over the Republican rank-and-file to evade facing accountability for his egregious actions. Especially since the Trump Organization has been found guilty of all counts of tax fraud and financial crimes. And the fact he’s willing to do away with the very foundation to our national government in order to be president again and do whatever the hell he wants with no consequence. 

Nonetheless, covering Donald Trump when he spouts such fascist rants like this is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it gives him more time airtime in the news media which will only boost his notoriety and possibly support among voters. The last thing we need right now is another major Trump media circus just so he can spend more time in the spotlight. Especially since he’s still a clear and present danger to our American democracy as well as still has his cult of deplorables and the Republican Party behind him. On the other hand, Trump is such a powerful and destructive influence in our politics and our country that we can’t just turn a blind eye towards all the egregious shit he says and does. Especially when public knowledge of all the horrible stuff he’s said and done will usually be the only lasting consequence he’ll ever receive. Given that he’s a rich psychopath who never learns his lessons or doesn’t care about anyone or anything but himself. While he’ll often use all the power and privileges his wealth gives him to escape from any consequences that come his way. And especially if his words and actions have inflicted very real damage on our democracy, our public discourse, and our way of life. To ignore him only enables him to get away with his shit and at the American people’s expense.  

Fortunately, the Biden White House treated such incendiary comments with a quick and decisive response. On that very day, White House spokesman Andrew Bates stated:  

“The American Constitution is a sacrosanct document that for over 200 years has guaranteed that freedom and the rule of law prevail in our great country. The Constitution brings the American people together – regardless of party – and elected leaders swear to uphold it. It’s the ultimate monument to all of the Americans who have given their lives to defeat self-serving despots that abused their power and trampled on fundamental rights. Attacking the Constitution and all it stands for is anathema to the soul of our nation and should be universally condemned. You cannot only love America when you win.”  

In other words, to call for the termination of something so sacred and foundational to what our nation is nothing short of a national heresy. Do away with the US Constitution, then you might as well do away with everything America stands for.  If not, then America itself. And such a statement deserves nothing less than universal condemnation regardless of what side you’re on. Or whether you win an election or not. 

Democratic leaders were also quick to condemn Donald Trump’s remarks. Senate Majority leader Chuck Schumer told reporters, “If America doesn’t extricate itself from Donald Trump and his MAGA ideology, it will undercut our American way of life.” Meaning that as long as support for Trump and Trumpism is deemed acceptable within American society, the cancer of Trump and Trumpism will continue to undermine American democracy and the public discourse. As someone who’s had to put up with people in her life and community who support this fucking piece of shit, I couldn’t agree more. In many respects, to support Donald Trump is to accept the unacceptable, the excuse the inexcusable, to defend the indefensible, to believe the unbelievable, and to deny the undeniable. That was true back in 2016. And it remains true to this day. Since Trump became the GOP’s standard bearer, he has made it a party without basic principles aside from white supremacy, unfettered capitalism, unchecked dominance by corporations and the 1%, gutting social programs, unionbusting and eroding workers’ rights, and the ever-empty pursuit of retaining and expanding political power. Their allegiance to Trump has rotted GOP standards of acceptable behavior from politicians, empowered some of the worst elements of our society, and has allowed deeply repugnant notions spread to the mainstream. And even when Trump says or does something beyond the pale, Republicans might rebuke him and hope the matter quietly goes away so they can silently crawl back to him.  

However, when it came to Republican politicians, only Wyoming Representative Liz Cheney issued a statement, tweeting, “Donald Trump believes we should terminate ‘all rules, regulations and articles, even those found in the Constitution’ to overturn the 2020 election. That was his view on 1/6 and remains his view today. No honest person can now deny that Trump is an enemy of the Constitution.” Now I may not support Cheney’s politics, but I think it’s a shame that she’s seen as a hero. Instead of a normal politician who’s fulfilling basic expectations relating to her job. Sure, Cheney’s willingness to denounce Trump after the January 6 insurrection on the US Capitol was certainly brave. But it shouldn’t have been. Nor should her vote to impeach Trump a second time and her vice chairmanship of the January 6 Committee. And none of what she’s done since January 6 should’ve alienated her from her party’s establishment and cost her a congressional seat to a primary challenger. Because when a president incites an attempted coup on the US government, a politician is supposed to break with that leader and put their country first. Doesn’t matter if that president leads their own party. Nor how popular and influential he is within your party’s ranks. A politician’s foremost duty is to the Constitution and the American people. Not their party establishment and not their voters. And yet, Cheney’s considered a hero mainly because most of her Republican colleagues haven’t done the same. In fact, most have done what they could to ensure that Trump won’t be held accountable for his actions on January 6, the exact opposite of what they should. All because they want to retain and expand their political power.  

The only other sharp condemnation comes from Illinois Representative Adam Kinzinger, tweeting, “With the former President calling to throw aside the constitution, not a single conservative can legitimately support him, and not a single supporter can be called a conservative. This is insane. Trump hates the Constitution.” Although he hasn’t been primaried like fellow January 6 committee member Liz Cheney, he’s retiring from Congress. Because his stance against Donald Trump over January 6 has pissed of his own constituents who’d almost certainly replace him with a primary challenger if he ran for reelection. And he’s closer to my age than hers. Had it not been for Trump and January 6, he would’ve had a long promising political career ahead of him. Instead, his political career’s been cut short in his prime, which is a damn shame. All because he put his country over his own party. All because he opposes Trump. Still, Kinzinger is absolutely right.  Although to fair, Trump has always hated the Constitution whenever it doesn’t let him get his way. Also, his affinity for dictators makes it pretty clear that he’s a fascist authoritarian who dreams about being an autocratic president who do whatever the hell he likes without question or consequence. Especially if it means crushing political opposition with an iron fist. And yet, other Republicans remain silent. 

Incoming Democratic House leader Hakeem Jeffries told George Stephanopoulos on This Week, “The Republicans are gonna have to work out their issues with the former president and decide whether they’re gonna break from him and return to some semblance of reasonableness or continue to lean into the extremism, not just of Trump, but of Trumpism. Suspending the Constitution is an extraordinary step, but we’re used to extraordinary statements being made by the former president.” Unfortunately, his statement proves to be just prophetic. While many of the Republicans have and will issue mild condemnations for fear of Donald Trump’s political clout and retaliation from his most violent supporters. For many of them speaking against Trump will only incur the wrath of the conservative constituents who’ll rally behind a Trump-supporting primary challenger. Sure, Republicans blame Trump for their 2022 lackluster performance in the mid-terms, but he’s still the party’s central figure. And many people in my area still have their Trump signs out on their lawns in full display. So don’t tell me that the Republican establishment has finally turned their backs on him for good. Because once you think they have, they keep crawling back They may condemn Trump for inciting January 6. But don’t be surprised if you see Representative Kevin McCarthy pictured with the guy at Mar-a-Lago only a month later.  

Aside from Cheney and Kinzinger, the toughest Republican response came from Ohio Congressman Mike Turner who “There is a political process that has to go forward before anybody is a frontrunner or anybody is even the candidate for the party. I believe people certainly are going to take into consideration a statement like this as they evaluate a candidate.” Although Turner suggests Republicans will take Trump’s incendiary fascist remarks into consideration and throw their support behind an alternative candidate. Unfortunately, guess who else had the naïve idea that voters wouldn’t seriously vote for Trump for the presidency? This girl back in 2016. Also, even though Trump’s popularity may not be what it used to be in the Republican Party, he’s got millions of supporters still willing to vote for him. But a more typical response comes from Ohio Congressman David Joyce whose answers frustrated George Stephanopoulos to no end. When Stephanopoulos pressed Joyce to disavow someone who openly wants to overthrow the US Constitution, he told him not to worry about it. “He says a lot of things,” the congressman said of Trump. “But that doesn’t mean that it’s ever going to happen. So you got to [separate] fact from fantasy—and fantasy is that we’re going to suspend the Constitution and go backward.” Uh, didn’t he incite an insurrection on the US Capitol in order to overturn the 2020 presidential election results? What makes you think that he won’t at least try to suspend the US Constitution? Although I agree there are times we shouldn’t take Trump’s words too seriously, whenever he suggests a possible overthrow of the US government isn’t one of them. Because he’s tried that before on January 6. And when Stephanopoulos asked Joyce the ever-famous question of whether he’d support Trump in 2024, he replied “I will support whoever the Republican nominee is.” Unfortunately, Trump is the current front-runner and from how he campaigns, he’s likely to remain so.  

And yet, incoming House Speaker Kevin McCarthy remains silent. Mainly because disavowing Donald Trump might cost him his party’s leadership position in the House. Bad enough that five of those Republicans in the incoming majority said they won’t vote for McCarthy because he doesn’t kiss Trump’s ass enough. Even though I’d consider showing up at Mar-a-Lago within a few weeks after condemning the January 6 insurrection as Trumpish enough. That may be enough to deny the overall majority he needs. Also, during the GOP leadership balloting 31 other Republicans voted against McCarthy’s candidacy. All were Trumpers. The fact that so many Republicans don’t want McCarthy as their leader because he doesn’t love Trump enough says all you need to know about the Republican Party’s relationship with that fucking piece of shit. Not only that, but a recent poll by Marquette Law School shows that 32% of Americans view him favorably.  

Nonetheless, the fact Republicans and a sizeable contingent of the American public still stick with Donald Trump despite all the things he’s said and done is deeply damaging to our country. It’s one thing to just turn a blind eye to Trump’s incendiary rhetoric suggesting to overthrow the government. But it’s another to continuously obstruct efforts to investigate and bring justice to what happened on January 6, 2021. All just to stay in Trump’s base’s good graces and remain in power. Even more infuriating is that thanks to Trump’s influence on the GOP, just merely stating that this fucking piece of shit is responsible for January 6 will absolutely ruin any Thanksgiving dinner. Which is a shame because a terrorist attack on the US Capitol should’ve been able to unite the country against Trump. And even though Republicans are starting realize that their cult leader is a political liability after the 2022 midterms, don’t expect the GOP to bolt just yet. Sure, they may not be thrilled that he’s running for president for a third time. But he’s the current front-runner and we must not expect him to lose the GOP’s full support if he should remain if he should become their party’s nominee. Still, the fact that the GOP by and large has chosen what they believe what’s best for themselves over what’s best for the country is a national shame. And it doesn’t help there are currently January 6 insurrectionists holding elected office or were even allowed to stand in the midterms like Doug Mastriano. Now Trump calls for another coup and yet, Republicans remain silent.  

Now I may not live in the most liberal area in Pennsylvania. Far from it, in fact. However, my own feelings toward Donald Trump and his loyalists have only intensified. I understand this is a free country. However, the fact people still support this fucking piece of shit despite his presidency being a living nightmare, his role inciting the January 6 insurrection at the US Capitol, and his calls to terminate the US Constitution only makes me deeply appalled. Especially if they believe the Big Lie or embrace any batshit Qanon conspiracy theories. As much as I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, their continued support for their cult leader has only inspired me to look upon them with disdain and disrespect. Apparently, after all what Trump has said and done, I can no longer be sure whether anyone supporting this either understands what siding with the guy entails or simply doesn’t care. Nonetheless, the fact people in my community still support this fucking piece of shit, some even passionately, makes me want to storm onto a podium in front of a large crowd of MAGAts and scream into the microphone:  

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you have any idea of what this fucking piece of shit has said and done since 2016? Do you know what supporting this unrespectable man says about you? May not mean that you’re willing to storm the US Capitol. But that even inciting an attempted coup of the US government isn’t enough to convince you that he nowhere near the flag-hugging patriot he portrays himself to be. And you still side with this traitor who called for this attack on our nation’s lawmakers and representatives all in order to overturn an election that he didn’t win. And yet, you still support him, sometimes believing his brazen lies and manipulations. Well, if you still stick with him despite his clear disdain for American democracy when it turns against him, either your patriotism is just as much a sham or you’re a fool to his myriad of political con games. Either way, I’ve had enough of you seeing this narcistic psychopath as your hero while the United States suffers for his sins. And if you can’t see your dear leader as the clear and present danger to America he is, then you have no right to question my patriotism. Especially if your allegiance to him above all else makes me question yours.” 

The Marcellus Shale and the Fracking Myth 

Disclaimer: This essay contains spoilers from The Trouble at Deacon Hill

My recently published novel The Trouble at Deacon Hill revolves around a reporter and blogger investigating a natural gas company following a well explosion on a farm in Southwestern Pennsylvania. At first, you’d think it’s a freak accident that eventually got out of hand. However, as Pittsburgh Clarion Call reporter Marie Franco and blogger Claudia Cruces dig deeper into the disaster and Padraic Resources, they gradually discover how much messed up the state natural gas industry in Pennsylvania is.  

Now not all of what I say in Deacon Hill is true. For instance, gas companies don’t hire security contractors to kill off people to silence them, preferring legal bullying tactics instead. Nor would a gas company be based in Greensburg skyscraper as no such building exists. As most are based out of state, particularly in places like Texas. But a lot of what I wrote about the gas industry in the novel does and has happened. The Mallowvitch case was based on the stories of Stephanie Hallowich and her neighbor Ron Gullah. The Harnett case was based on few cases relating to farms that I combined. Gallagher’s Crossing’s debacle took inspiration from Range Resources’ clash with the town of Mount Pleasant (within Washington County, PA for those close to me to avoid confusion with the one in Westmoreland County). While I based the Highland Town pipeline blast on one that happened in 2016 in Salem Township while I was writing the book. The PSYOPs stuff is also based on Range Resources doing just that.  

What inspired me to write Deacon Hill was my experience with the gas industry in my neighborhood. Although nothing catastrophic happened aside from a creek bridge collapse on my road that nearly shut it down for over a year, no one got rich on it. In fact, the money was only a trickle from what the natural gas industry said it would be. The gas boom didn’t create many jobs. As of June 2021, most of the gas wells in my neck of the woods have ceased operation. And yet, during that time, I could remember Range Resources really selling the scheme that fracking’s safe, will bring money landowners, and much needed jobs to our state and region. Despite that I knew the image they convey in these TV ad spots was pure bullshit. Sure, the natural gas industry might’ve brought some benefit to Pennsylvania. But not a high cost to our infrastructure and environment that natural gas drilling may not be worth it. In addition to partly basing my novel on my gas land experiences while both in high school and college, I also conducted extensive research on fracking, leasing, royalties, working conditions, accidents, and politics. It’s very clear that PA’s natural gas industry wasn’t nearly as rosy as what Range Resources conveyed in its commercials. 

Since 2014, hydraulically fractured horizontal wells have accounted for the majority of new oil and natural gas wells developed in the United States, surpassing all drilling techniques. By 2016, nearly 70% of the country’s 977,000 producing oil and gas wells were horizontally drilled and fracked. The fracking boom that started during my high school and college days, is largely credited with making the US a top natural gas and crude oil producer in the world. And as fracking becomes more efficient (with fewer rigs generating greater output) and enable access to more of the country’s fossil fuel reserves, the trend’s expected to continue. With approximately 3/5 of the state atop the Marcellus Shale play, Pennsylvania is only second to Texas in producing natural gas, generating nearly 1/5 of US supply in 2017. In 2018, the Delaware River Basin (watershed spanning parts of Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, and Delaware) was marked off-limits to fracking. Although threats to drinking water and the environment still remain since some proposed regulations would still allow disposal of fracking wastewater in the watershed. Meanwhile, statewide concern about fracking hazards has mounted in recent years. According to a 2018 poll, 55% of Pennsylvanians believe fracking’s potential environmental risks outweigh its potential economic benefits. And in some cases, like in Deacon Hill, Pennsylvania has already seen fracking’s risks play out with drinking water contamination and air pollution. 

*** 

During the 2020 presidential election, due to Pennsylvania’s status as a critical swing state, a series of pro-Trump ads tried to scare people into thinking Joe Biden would ban fracking. Although it’s not true, a fracking ban wouldn’t be catastrophic for Pennsylvania. And no, the state wouldn’t lose over 600,000 jobs over it. However, what got me about these ads wasn’t just the message, but how fracking advocates keep selling a fantasy. Despite any benefit fracking has for the state, the natural gas industry is nowhere near the godsend fracking advocates claim. In some cases, whether through fracking, inadequate infrastructure, disasters, politics, and so much more, the natural gas industry has become the bane of a community’s existence. 

In these pro-Trump fracking ads from 2020, working the gas fields is just another day at the office. Gas workers get up, get ready, kiss and wife and kids goodbye, work an 8-hour shift, and return to their quaint single-family homes by dinner time. Sure, it’s a nice portrait but that’s not a typical day for most gas workers. Far from it. For one, as 2019, that natural gas industry has created 24,000 to 40,000 jobs. Secondly, as in most extractive economy despite what nostalgia might tell us about the bygone industrial days in the Rust Belt, natural gas isn’t a stable industry. Rather, it creates boom and bust cycles while producers often can’t survive without state money. Third, most gas workers in PA come from out of state and most don’t plan to stay. They don’t buy houses. They don’t bring their families. Thus, a gas worker residing in a single-family home is way less likely than say, a nearby hotel or an on-site trailer with a few other guys. Maybe even a shipping container. Nor do they always work at the same site beyond a few weeks or months. Once their work is done, they leave for the next project. Thus, rendering the prospect of any permanent residence moot.  

Most importantly, while fracking jobs may pay up to $50,000 a year, gas workers’ lives absolutely suck. Weeks and months away from their families aside, life in the gas fields isn’t worth the paycheck. While gas workers are supposed to work 8-hours days on paper, they’re usually the exception than the norm in practice. Most work beyond that, sometimes non-stop for over 24 hours, which doesn’t do favors in regards to sleep. Not to mention, many gas companies don’t pay overtime for those extra hours, an issue many legal websites explain in great detail. Considering that such work involves operating and fixing heavy machinery, contending with slippery surfaces, working on multiple platforms, and a high-pressure work environment, it’s a set up for disaster. In addition, many gas workers are young and inexperienced with such site equipment because their employers don’t take the time to properly train them. It’s no wonder gas pads are often ripe for routine workplace accidents consisting of slips and falls, machinery malfunctions and human error, explosions and fires, falling objects causing death or injury, and exposure to hazardous chemicals. Such incidents can cause serious injuries like broken bones, skull fractures, brain injuries, amputations, burns, and even death. Gas companies have a reputation in covering many of these accidents up. In addition, it’s not uncommon for a single drill pad to have workers from multiple companies, adding to difficulties in coordination. Oh, and given that they often can’t unionize, gas workers can’t address their grievances to the boss without the risk of getting fired. 

*** 

Of course, there’s fracking, which receives the most attention in regards to natural gas drilling as it’s been the most contentious. Short for hydraulic fracturing, fracking comprises of blasting chemicals and massive amounts of water into a drilling borehole at high enough pressures crack into the seemingly impenetrable rock formations. Such blasting is supposed to open the fissures and allow the trapped gas to flow up to the surface. The most contentious part of this process is in the fluid, namely, what’s in it. According to the NRDC, this consists of 97% water, along with chemical additives and proppants (small, solid particles used to keep fractures open in the rock after the injection pressure subsides). Most states with oil and gas production have rules requiring chemical disclosure in regards to fracking. However, those rules often contain exclusions for “confidential business information (CBI), which gas companies can use to shield chemical identities considered trade secrets. When the EPA examined more than 39,000 chemical disclosure forms submitted to FracFocus from January 2011 to February 2013, more than 70% of them listed at one CBI chemical. While 11% of all fracking chemicals were labeled as such. 

So what chemicals are used in fracking? Well, they use different chemicals for different purposes according to rock type and other fracking site specifics. Acids dissolve minerals to help fossil fuels flow more easily. Biocides kill bacteria. Gelling agents help proppants into fractures. Corrosion inhibitors prevent the well’s steel parts from fracking fluid damage. The EPA has identified 1,084 chemicals used in fracking formulas between 2005 and 2013. Many of them are considered hazardous to human health. While the potential human health impacts on most of them are simply unknown as of June 2021. As California scientists could only find complete information about environmental and health risks available for one-third of fracking chemicals used in their state drilling operations. As for proppants, sand is the fracking industry’s favorite, particularly “frac sand” containing high purity quartz with its round shape, uniform size, and crush resistance. A single frack operation can truck thousands of tons of this stuff with 70% of this stuff coming from the Great Lakes region, particularly in Wisconsin and Minnesota which doubled their sand mines between 2005 and 2013. 

As fracking charged ahead between the mid to late 2000s to the early Tens, research into how safe it is for human health and the environment hasn’t kept pace. Many questions remain about the process’ dangers. While mounting evidence raises serious red flags about fracking’s impact on drinking water, air pollution, and our climate. In any drilling operation, anywhere from 1.5 to 16 million gallons of water can be used to frack a single well, depending on the type of well and rock formation. Water used in fracking is typical fresh water taken from ground and surface water resources. Although there are increasing efforts to use nonpotable water, some of these sources also supply drinking water. Even at this rate, US frack water consumption is still considered “negligible” compared to other industrial water uses (like cooling coal-fired power plants). And yet, fracking operations can strain resources in areas where freshwater supplies for drinking, irrigation, and aquatic ecosystems are scarce (often becoming scarcer thanks to climate change). Without extensive treatment, water used in fracking is too contaminated to return to its source. So, it’s typically removed from the freshwater cycle and disposed deep underground. 

Because I live in Pennsylvania where it rains all the time during the summer, I didn’t get into the water supply depletion in Deacon Hill. But it’s a key point to consider if you live out in the West where fracking might lead to water shortages and rationing within many communities. And I’m sure the infrastructure to treat the frack water is often nonexistent or inadequate. Nonetheless, water amounts used in frack jobs has grown over time, exacerbating fracking’s effect on water supplies. A Duke University analysis found that while US producers scaled back on installing new wells between 2011 and 2016, frack water usage has surged. For instance, within the already drought-ridden Permian Basin region in West Texas, frack water usage during those years increased by as much as 770%. While the amount of wastewater generated during a well’s first production year increased by as much as 1,440% during the study period. The authors even predicted that some regions could expect local fracking operations’ water footprint to increase by up to 50-fold by 2030. And if you live in the West Texas Permian Basin region, the average fracking job in 2016 used 10.5 million gallons of water. That’s enough to fill about 16 Olympic-sized swimming pools.  

Not only do fracking operations strain water resources, but also risk polluting them as well. Although a 2016 EPA analysis found that while large data gaps and uncertainties make it difficult to fully assess fracking’s impact on drinking water, fracking operations can and do affect water quality. Activities posing the biggest threats include spills, fracking fluid leaks, injecting fluids into inadequately built wells, and poor wastewater management practices. 

Spills and leaks can occur throughout the fracking process, whether during transport of concentrated chemical additives, mixing and pumping fracking fluids along with storage, and transportation and disposal of used fracking fluid and wastewater. Both human error and equipment failure can cause these. According to the EPA, some spills are known to reach surface water resources. An analysis from the agency on 11 state spill reports revealed 151 fracking fluid spills between 2006 and 2012, with nearly 10% of them (ranging from 28 to 7,350 gallons) winding up in creeks, streams, or other bodies of water. For many reasons, it’s difficult to measure the full impact, particularly since the spilled fracking fluid’s chemical makeup may be unknown or poorly described. While the spill’s fracking fluid and impacts aren’t typically studied. We should also keep in mind that natural gas and oil companies are known to cover up many of their accidents so the EPA’s going on the spills the states know about, which may only be a fraction of how many of these happen. 

In any natural gas fracking operation, gas wells must be properly constructed to withstand intense temperature and pressure fluctuations. Otherwise, a well may be damaged, which can possibly result in a gas or fracking fluid leak. For instance, the EPA faulted burst casings (steel pipes used to construct wells) in a 2010 fracking fluid leakage into wells used to monitor water quality in Killdeer, North Dakota. A study of 133 suspected drinking water contamination cases in Pennsylvania and Texas pointed to faulty well construction as the likely reason behind some methane pollution cases. Also, when Atlas and Chevron drilled in my neighborhood, I can remember the drill sites being active for 24/7 during the whole operation. In addition, we should keep in mind that the workers might be poorly trained, probably haven’t slept for hours, and may have to deal with people from different companies. I’m sure faulty well construction happens far more often than most people think.  

Fractured rock formations are another issue as operators can’t control where they occur. When a fracture extends further than intended, it can link up with a naturally occurring fault, other natural and manmade fractures, or other wells. Then it might carry fluids to other geological formations, including potentially, drinking water supplies. A larger concern, according to the EPA, is the lack of data on how close induced fractures are to underground aquifers. Thus, in its 2016 assessment, the EPA couldn’t 100% determine whether fractures could reach underground drinking water resources. Although most fracked rock formations are often thousands of feet away from aquifers, in some cases, fracking can occur within a drinking water resources’ vicinity. While drinking water’s generally shallower than gas underground, there are no geological barriers separating the two. Some private drinking water wells have experienced contamination from methane and other chemicals escaping from surface pits used to store wastewater or from improperly constructed wells. Although it’s difficult to determine the contamination source. 

Each year, fracking operations within the oil and gas industry generates billions of gallons of wastewater, a potentially hazardous mixture of flowback (used fracking fluid), produced water (naturally occurring water released with oil and gas), and any number of naturally occurring contaminants ranging from heavy metals, salts, toxic hydrocarbons like benzene to radioactive metals like uranium. In addition to gas wells, I also live near a toxic waste dump (although that’s further out near Yukon). During the gas boom, the dump stopped taking fracking waste on account of it being too radioactive. Still, this wastewater can enter and contaminate the environment in a variety of ways. This can happen when transported such as in 2015 North Dakota pipeline break that spilled about 3 million gallons of contaminants into a nearby creek. In addition, in Deacon Hill, I point to how wastewater’s stored in aboveground pits that can spill, leak, and emit air pollution. While wastewater treatment facilities don’t have the means to properly handle pollutants found in fracking waste, which can release contaminants into surface water. This was the case in Monongahela. Even recycling wastewater poses a threat, generating concentrated waste products including a by-product called TENFORM (technologically enhanced naturally occurring radioactive material), which must be properly managed. There also must be proper treatment for recycled wastewater for its intended end use. When gas companies don’t fully disclose all chemical contents, this is a challenging process. 

But water contamination isn’t the only thing to worry about in regards to fracking. Air pollution is also a serious problem threatening nearby communities’ health. Significant sources of air pollution are flaring (a controlled burn used for testing, safety, and waste-management purposes), venting (the direct release of gas into the atmosphere), leaking, combustion, and release of contaminants throughout natural gas production, processing, transmission, and distribution. Natural gas mostly consists of a potent greenhouse gas called methane that traps 80 times as much heat as climate change poster boy, carbon dioxide. When gas is flared, vented, or accidentally leaked, it accelerates costly health impacts of climate change. Oil and gas operations like fracking also release numerous toxic air pollutants like benzene, toluene, ethylbenzene, and xylene; fine particulate matter (PM2.5); hydrogen sulfide; silica dust; and nitrogen oxides and volatile organic compounds. When combined, these all produce smog. In rural northeastern Utah, researchers estimated that the amount of smog-forming compounds coming from oil and gas production each year was equivalent to 100 million car emissions. Exposure to these air pollutants can result in a broad range of health effects ranging from mild to severe respiratory and neurological problems, cardiovascular damage, endocrine disruption, birth defects, cancer, and premature mortality. Meanwhile, oil and gas workers face even greater risks from on-site exposure to toxic chemicals and other airborne materials including silica in frack sand, which can lead to lung disease and cancer when inhaled. 

As with other oil and gas operations, fracking involves intense industrial development. With well pads, access roads, pipelines, and utility corridors, you also get intense, round-the-clock noise, nighttime floodlights, and truck traffic. In addition to potentially polluting local water and air resources, this vast web of infrastructure can fragment forests and rural landscapes while degrading important wildlife habitats. Fish die when fracking fluid contaminates streams and rivers. Chemicals in wastewater ponds poison birds. While the intense industrial development accompanying fracking pushes imperiled animals out of wild areas they need to survive. In more arid regions like the west, fracking could mean less water for fish and wildlife as well. Not to mention, fracking can also lead to further disintegration of our already degrading infrastructure. Too many tanker trucks can lead to a small bridge collapse. While most water treatment facilities aren’t adequately equipped to treat fracking wastewater.  

*** 

And yet, working conditions and fracking are only part of the shady shit going on within the natural gas industry within the Marcellus Shale in Pennsylvania. Another facet that has more relevance in my neighborhood is the royalties. When they started drilling, people thought that leasing with Atlas (later Chevron) on the impression the royalty payments would enrich landowners and lift rural economies in the state. But none of that happened while many landowners saw significantly smaller royalty checks than they thought were promised. Sometimes nothing at all. Since 1982, federal law has established that landowners who lease their mineral rights to oil and gas companies are entitled to no less than 12.5% of the royalties from sales. However, a 2013 Pro Publica investigation found that oil and gas companies kept billions of dollars out of the hands of private and government landowners through cost and data manipulation. Their analysis of lease agreements, government documents, and thousands of pages of court records show that underpayment was widespread.  

Much of the controversy surrounding royalty money boils down to post-production costs. These are expenses of moving and treating gas through pipeline networks. To cover the costs, drillers may take deductions from royalty checks. Some landowners agree to this. Others negotiate a lease forbidding it. Many sign leases that don’t address it at all. While some leases have vague leases leaving room for gas companies to take deductions, even if the owner objects. And it’s clear many landowners signed leases without fully understanding their implications like you sign the terms of conditions on anything. 

However, some companies deduct expenses for transporting and processing gas. Even when leases have clauses specifically forbidding such deductions. In other cases, they withhold money without explanation for other, unauthorized expenses, and without telling landowners the money’s being withheld. When significant amounts of fuel aren’t sold at all, companies could use it themselves to power the gas processing equipment, sometimes at facilities far away from the land it was drilled from. To keep royalties low, companies may set up subsidiaries or limited partnerships selling oil and gas at reduced prices. Only to recoup the full value when their subsidiary resells it. While the royalty payments are based on the initial transaction. And according to Oklahoma court documents, it’s perfectly legal despite the companies clearly ripping off the landowner. In other cases, companies barter for services off the books, hiding the full resource value to the landowners.  

Making matters more complicated, the gas rights frequently get split into shares, sometimes among as many as a half-dozen companies and get frequently traded. Once they produce the gas, a host of opaque transactions influence how they’ll account for sales and allocate proceeds to everyone entitled to a slice. Chain of custody and share division can be so complex that even America’s finest forensic accountants struggle to make sense of these energy companies’ books. 

The federal government has a whole arsenal to combat royalty underpayment with Department of Interior rules on allowable deductions and employs an auditing agency that’s uncovered more than a dozen instances of gas companies willfully deceiving them on royalty payments since 2011, recouping more than $4 billion in unpaid fees. Unfortunately, private landowners don’t have many protective mechanisms, and often enter into agreements without regulatory oversight. This leaves them with only two options. Either pay to audit or challenge energy companies out of their own pockets. Although Pennsylvania has passed laws requiring the amount of deductions be listed on royalty payments, as of 2013, it has no laws dictating at what point a sale price must be set and what constitutes as legitimate expenses. In dozens of class action lawsuits ProPublica’s reviewed, landowners claimed they can’t make sense from the expenses deducted from their payments or that companies hide charges. While publicly traded oil and gas companies also have disclosed settlements and judgements in royalty disputes that collectively add up to billions of dollars. Since individual lease language can vary widely while some can date back nearly 100 years, many deduction disagreements boil down to differing interpretations related to the contract’s language. 

Should a landowner in Pennsylvania decide to sue the gas company over royalties, proceed with caution and aim low. As of 2013, courts have set few precedents for how leases should be read and substantial obstacles stand in litigating landowners’ way. Attorneys say that many of their clients’ leases don’t let landowners audit gas companies to verify their accounting. Those allowed must shell out thousands of dollars to do so. When audits reveal discrepancies, many Pennsylvania leases require landowners to submit to arbitration, another exhaustive process also costing up to thousands of dollars. If you’re familiar with workplace abuse and sexual harassment, you probably know that arbitration clauses can also make it more difficult for the lesser party (like the landowners) to band together into a class action lawsuit in order to gain the leverage to take on the more powerful behemoth (like the gas industry). Tunkhannock attorney Aaron Hovan told ProPublica, “They basically are daring you to sue them. And you need to have a really good case to go through all of that, and then you could definitely lose.” Worse, landowners must clear all these obstacles within Pennsylvania’s 4-year statute of limitations. So, if a landowner realizes the company’s ripping them off too late or inherit a lease from an ailing relative who didn’t do their homework, well, they’re shit out of luck. In addition, even if the court finds the gas company liable for underpaying royalties in the state, it has little to fear. Since they’d only owe what they should’ve paid in the first place. Unlike states like Oklahoma, Pennsylvania doesn’t allow for any additional interest on unpaid royalties and sets a very high bar for winning punitive penalties.  

*** 

But what about the economic benefits? Hasn’t natural gas drilling in the Marcellus Shale been a game changer in Pennsylvania? From my experience, I’d say barely because I didn’t see anyone get rich. Nor I know many people who worked in the gas fields. Besides, an NPR article from this year states that over the last decade, natural gas extraction has had little economic impact in the 8 most active drilling counties in Pennsylvania. In fact, economic growth sharply lagged state and local rates (at 1.7% vs. 10%) despite a sharp GDP rise that exceeded both (55%). Despite gas industry promises of local economies flourishing thanks to fracking, communities largely failed to reap the benefits. Why? Partly because gas companies sourced their labor, materials, and equipment elsewhere. According to a report from the Ohio River Valley Institute, “This extreme disconnect between economic output and local prosperity raises the question of whether the Appalachian natural gas industry is capable of generating or even contributing to broadly shared wellbeing.  And, if it is not, should it continue to be the focus of local and regional economic development efforts?” 

Former DEP secretary John Quigley said the Ohio River Valley Institute report is one of the first to show that the natural gas industry’s investments, like aggregate economic growth, doesn’t always mean more jobs for communities or increased personal income, especially if out-of-staters take many local jobs. He told NPR, “The impact of this industry on local economies has been vastly overstated. It’s been oversold and used as an excuse not to adequately regulate or enforce environmental and public health regulations.” And given how not much economically changed for the better in my own community during the gas rush, I’d have to agree. Despite witnessing wells drilled in my own neighborhood, I hardly know anyone who’s worked on a drilling pad. Nor did many landowners receive much money either. Add the fact I’m quite pissed off that the state doesn’t have an extraction tax and it’s very clear where the gas money’s going. And given where much of these companies are based in, I’m sure it’s Texas. 

*** 

Nonetheless, the natural gas industry remains a very powerful force in politics within Pennsylvania. Between 2007 and 2018, the natural gas industry have spent $3 million in political contributions to candidates for statewide office and $69.6 million in lobbying costs. Energy companies have given generously to politicians from both parties which has profoundly influenced state policy and not for the better. It’s not uncommon in the state for regulators and politicians to work for natural gas companies after their jobs are done and vice versa. Marcellus Shale drillers enjoy steadfast support from the state’s Republican-controlled General Assembly, making passage of any legislative measures to rein in them obviously futile. As Republican state legislators have made growth and nurture of the gas industry a priority. They even blocked Governor Tom Wolf’s proposal for a severance tax on gas production and to this day Pennsylvania is the only state in the Marcellus Shale region without such a tax. Although the state does collect a separate impact fee tied to each new well’s development, but that doesn’t exactly cut it.   

 According to state attorney general Josh Shapiro’s grand jury report (no, not that one), state regulators and elected officials have consistently placed the natural gas industry over Pennsylvanians’ well-being throughout most of the first-generation development within the Marcellus Shale region. Shapiro told Penn Live, “It’s David and Goliath. It’s a rural family living next to a huge industry backed by billions of dollars and out-of-state investors, by bought science, by lobbyists and former officials who have amassed so much power that they act as though they are unaccountable.” His report chastised the state DEP over the shale boom’s history for failing to conduct water quality tests in response to citizen complaints, often failing to enforce a “presumption” that oil and gas activity within a certain distance of a home where contamination was proven, and showing long-term bias against issuing violations.  

One case I used in Deacon Hill to illustrate the natural gas industry’s influence in politics and public life is the case of Range Resources and the citizens of Mount Pleasant Township, Pennsylvania (no, not the one where we had Quiz Bowl matches at, of which I need to remind myself). Now out of all the oil and gas companies involved in the Marcellus Shale drilling rush, Range Resources was one of the earliest and best-known contenders and still remains the largest driller in the state. Yet, while EQT can safely put their name on a Pittsburgh Pridefest float and no one would bat an eye (save environmentalists, of course); Range couldn’t get away with that. Probably because it has one of the worst reputations, especially if you’re familiar with its activities in Washington County, particularly in regards to fracking contamination. I mean these people had a judge place lifetime gag orders over discussing fracking on seven- and ten-year-old kids in the Hallowich case. Anyway, Range Resources had drilled some of its first wells in Mount Pleasant Township under permit use zoning, giving them free rein to drill wherever they wanted. Fast forward to 2011, Mount Pleasant wants to adopt conditional use zoning, in which a planning commission and the board of supervisors must approve drilling of all new wells. All because residents complained of wells being near their houses, schools, or medical establishments, places where you don’t want people drilling for gas. Besides, most of neighboring municipalities already used conditional use ordinances to regulate drilling.  

Obviously, Range Resources didn’t like this and threatened to discontinue local operations or sue the Mount Pleasant Township if they didn’t get their way. As decision day approached for the board of supervisors to approve the new ordinance, Range unleashed an all-out PSYOPs-style propaganda campaign through two letters sent to over 300 Mount Pleasant Township leaseholders in a divide-and-conquer strategy to intimidate local officials. As resident Dencil Bachus told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, “We are outraged. This is an effort by Range Resources to divide a community on the eve of a decision on an ordinance that affects them directly. It’s an attempt by the company to get what they want rather than operate within the [township government] process. It’s a divide-and-conquer public relations strategy.” Another Mount Pleasant resident told DeSmog Blog, “What’s going on here, it’s kinda like Love Canal. The intimidation from these corporations is astounding to me. I don’t know how they’re allowed to get away with it. I’d like to see them get nailed.” Mount Pleasant Township was far from the only municipality to find itself on the receiving end of Range’s wrath once it decided to assert itself in where the company can or cannot drill within its jurisdiction. And they’ve sued other townships who’ve followed Mount Pleasant’s lead. 

Then there’s the Act 13 debacle. Passed by the General Assembly during Governor Tom Corbett’s term in the early Tens, this was a love letter to the gas industry overhauling oil and gas regulation in their favor. And often at the public’s expense. Act 13 established the following: 

  • Gave the Pennsylvania Public Utility Commission power to review local ordinances. This allows energy companies to legally challenge local ordinances that they don’t like through the PAPUC. This process allows state rules supersede local ordinances in regards to zoning. Not to mention, allow municipalities to permit oil and gas development across all zoning areas.  
  • Allowed private corporations engaged in natural gas storage and transportation use of eminent domain on a person’s remaining property without proper compensation (what the fuck?). That is, if the company has a right to the majority of the land. 
  • Instilled a “physician’s gag rule” that prohibited medical professionals from revealing information on fracking chemicals they receive from drilling companies. Thus, this allows doctors to research but if fracking had anything to do with what’s wrong with their patient, they couldn’t tell them.  

From 2012 to 2016, Pennsylvania’s Supreme Court would overturn much of the law for various reasons. In 2013, the Court invalidated most of the zoning rules on grounds of violating the state constitution’s Environmental Rights Amendment assuring clean air and water for residents.  In 2016, the Court struck down the other two provisions because they’re utterly ridiculous to put in the books anyway. For a doctor has a right to tell their patient what the hell’s making them sick, fracking or not. 

Even more disturbing is how natural gas companies have cracked down on anti-fracking activists. In Pennsylvania, there’s an organization called the Marcellus Shale Operators’ Crime Committee that allows the gas industry to swap information with local, state, and federal law enforcement about activists, protests, and potential threats. We shouldn’t be surprised since energy companies have a history of suppressing dissent whether over public health concerns, environmental impact, or workers’ rights (looking at you, West Virginia coal companies). Although reports of pipe bombs, charred debris, and gunshots fired at gas sites exist, very few anti-fracking activists have resorted to crime. While most are just law-abiding citizens. And yet, many have been subject to being branded as “ecoterrorists” as well as subject to law enforcement surveillance probes (with assistance by private security firms). One Lycoming County woman had a state trooper stop by her house over her anti-fracking activities. Luckily, she got off with a warning. That same trooper then crossed state lines into New York to accuse another activist of trespassing a gas compressor station site. Nonetheless, law enforcement’s connection to the natural gas industry raises troubling questions on police conduct and civil liberties. Should police use information obtained by private security firms, it can pose a threat to basic constitutional rights and make one ask why law enforcement’s devoting limited resources to tracking environmentalists. Seriously, don’t police have better things to do like track down actual criminals?  

*** 

Thus, my dear reader, the benefits and promised prosperity natural gas companies touted in order to drill into the Marcellus Shale turned out to be the stuff that dreams are made of. In other words, even if it did create jobs or benefit the region, those rewards weren’t as great as originally advertised. At least when you consider the high risks involved along with the gas companies’ lack of transparency and public dishonesty. The drilling process isn’t safe for workers as well as the surrounding community and environment. The royalty leases and contracts may not always give the landowner a fair deal. While their influence and campaign contributions make them a powerful force in government and law enforcement regardless of how much they contribute to the local economies, which is nonetheless extremely troubling. And whenever challenged, they will strike through almost any means at their disposal. Take it from me, you can’t trust these gas companies to regulate themselves.  

The Price We Pay for What We Don’t Know 

Disclaimer: this essay contains spoilers from The Lost Women of Ballantine Castle

My newly self-published novel on Amazon titled The Lost Women of Ballantine Castle chiefly centers on the disappearances of undocumented maids dating from the 1980s to the pre-Covid Trump era, the time the story takes place. Almost all of these maids are Hispanic, range from their late teens to their late twenties, worked for a Mrs. Bartlett at either her Ballantine Castle estate or The Commodore Hotel, and all disappeared while leaving the former. Anyway, despite its subject matter mainly focusing on undocumented immigrants and their vulnerable position in American society, I devoted a significant chunk of the story on racial violence against minorities and how little attention it receives in our society both in our history classes and in the media, especially if the victims were poor, had little to no legal standing in society, or in the maids’ case, both.  

However, there’s a critical flashback scene in the novel where a college archives intern at Ballantine Castle named Julia Scarnatti explores some records in a file cabinet where the estate’s curator told her not to open. Naturally, she does. Among her finds consists of a series of photographs dating from the 1920s, many depicting Mrs. Bartlett’s great-grandmother and her friends torturing and killing her black servants for basically no good reason. Naturally, Julia is horrified such people could commit such brutal acts. Later on, Agent Rashida Owens sees a black minister named Dr. Scott and addresses the matter to him (which her partner Beattie MacKillop found in Julia’s diary during an investigation into her disappearance and murder). Dr. Scott discusses how the Ballantines would engage in an all-too-common practice during the time called lynching and his description is nothing short of horrifying. One chilling passage is as follows: 

“Now I don’t like thinking white people as monsters. But it blows my mind how normal white men and women can live with, participate in, and defend such atrocities to their fellow human beings. Even reinterpret them so they wouldn’t see themselves or be perceived as less than civilized. These people who tortured, dismembered, and murdered our ancestors like this perfectly understood what they were doing and thought themselves as perfectly normal human beings. Few had any ethical qualms about their heinous actions. To them, lynching was the highest idealism in their service to their white race, a triumph of a horrid belief system defining us as less than human. These perpetrators of these crimes were just ordinary folks who’d go to church with their families and believed keeping black people in their place was nothing less than a way of combating a plague that if not checked, would hurt the community’s health and security.” 

So what do lynching black people back in the 1920s have to do with missing undocumented maids in the Trump Era? Well, while some forms of racial violence may fall out of favor due to momentous historical events like the Civil Rights Movement of the 1950s to the 1960s, other forms of racial brutality don’t go away so easily. The brutality could also take another form like mass incarceration in connection with the War on Drugs, stand your ground and open carry laws, stop and frisk, the “welfare queen” stereotype, and lingering systematic racial disparities that never get resolved. Not to mention, racial violence extending to people with less legal protection than most Americans, namely the undocumented who are relentlessly demonized by right-wing news outlets as pathological criminals. And yet, they also perform variety of essential low wage work at a pittance in our country while living a very precarious existence prone deportation, family separation, and crime. As many Americans firmly but wrongly believe that undocumented immigrants aren’t supposed to be here and don’t have any rights (which isn’t exactly true).  

Sycamore Springs, Pennsylvania is a fictional city for no such place exists between Erie and State College. The disappearances of undocumented maids at a Gilded Age era estate from the 1980s to the pre-Covid Trump Era is based on the 400-year-old Bathory child murders in Renaissance-era Hungary and the LaLaurie slave killings in antebellum New Orleans. Black lynchings, however, were an endemic feature during the Jim Crow Era when whites would flat out murder black people just for any excuse just to keep the local blacks in line. Sure, these killings were anti-black terrorism and hate crimes but the white establishment never prosecuted them mainly because local authorities often took part in them. Although whites could also be lynched as well as most famously demonstrated in the notorious Leo Frank case. According to the Tuskegee Institute, about 4,743 Americans were lynched between 1882 to 1968, including 3,446 blacks and 1,297 whites. Nonetheless, lynching was white society’s effort to maintain white supremacy in economic and political dominance after the American Civil War during Reconstruction and Jim Crow. Furthermore, lynching blacks was a way to emphasize the Jim Crow social order where whites acted together to reinforce their collective identity along with blacks’ unequal status through acts of violence. And despite being associated with the South, they also occurred in the North as Ballantine Castle entails. According to the great Ida B. Wells while sexual infractions against white women were widely cited, such victims with sexual assault allegations occurred only 1/3 of the time. And it’s highly unlikely that these allegations would even be remotely true. Instead, the most prevalent accusation related to murder followed by a list of infractions like verbal and physical aggression, spirited business competition (like successfully competing in business against whites), and independence of mind among victims. If you think the infraction list consists of bullshit terms, you’re absolutely right. And tragically as of June 6, 2021, no federal anti-lynching legislation has passed both houses of Congress despite racial violence remaining a serious problem. 

Despite the prominent role lynching played in maintaining white supremacy in the United States during Jim Crow, most white students will never hear about it in their American history class. Until recently, racial violence incidents like the 1921 Tulsa Massacre weren’t even known in the American public consciousness. Only because of shows like Watchmen and Lovecraft Country. Obviously, American schools don’t teach students about racial violence during segregation because no one wants to see themselves as the bad guy, white people especially. Nor does it paint the US in a positive light. Nonetheless, given how white supremacy is still a major problem in the US within every part of our society, it’s a subject everyone must learn if only to dismantle the systemic racist infrastructure that perpetuates such violence against people of color. Particularly when it comes to police brutality and stand your ground laws. Lynchings may not be as accepted or prolific as they were under Jim Crow, but the legacy is still with us. And it’s important all students know that legacy. 

As I write in the summer of 2021, all over the United States, Republicans are up in arms over the 1619 Project and Critical Race Theory and have sought to have such measures banned within their local schoolboards to their state legislatures. The Heritage Foundation has recently attributed a whole host of issues to CRT including the 2020 Black Lives Matter protests, LGBTQ+ clubs in schools, diversity training in federal agencies and organizations, California’s recent ethnic studies model curriculum, the free speech debate on college campuses, and alternatives to exclusionary discipline like Broward County, Florida’s Promise Program that some parents blame for the Parkland shooting (instead of lax gun policies that allowed the shooter to easily get them in the first place). The organization claimed: “When followed to its logical conclusion, CRT is destructive and rejects the fundamental ideas on which our constitutional republic is based.”  

With beginnings within the New Left school of American history during the 1970s and 1980s, Critical Race Theory’s crux is that racism is a social construct. Yet, unlike many white people would like to think, racism isn’t just a product of individual bias and prejudice, but also something embedded in systemic policies. Slavery, segregation, and Jim Crow are among the biggies that we learn in American history class. A good example Education Week discusses a 1930s practice of government officials drawing lines around areas deemed poor financial risks, often due to the inhabitants’ race. As a result, banks refused to offer mortgages to black people living in these areas. Today, despite facially-race blind policies, these same patterns of discrimination live on. For instance, single family zoning prevents building affordable housing in advantaged, majority white neighborhoods, and thus, undermines racial desegregation efforts.  

Ballantine Castle illustrates this through Sycamore Springs confining their black and Hispanic populations to the Sticks for much of its history, its history of black lynchings, racist law enforcement practices, and federal immigration policies, especially during the pre-Covid Trump era. CRT also has ties to other intellectual currents like works by sociologists and literary theorists studying the links between political power, social organization, and language. While its ideas have since informed other fields like humanities, social sciences, and teacher education. You could also see the same in Ballantine Castle in which Sycamore Springs’ harsh treatment of Latinos by the local police department leads to more undocumented maids disappearing at the titular estate. Mainly because the living undocumented maids are in no position to testify out of deportation fears. Donald Trump’s decision to cancel DACA resulted in FBI agents Beattie MacKillop and Rashida Owens having such a difficult time tracking down Estella Rodriguez in regards to her white roommate’s disappearance and murder. After all, as a Dreamer attending college within a city that’s got a Joe Arpaio-like police chief and a general hostility toward undocumented people among the general white population, Estella has no idea what Trump’s DACA cancellation might mean to her if she talks to law enforcement. So, when the cops and federal agents scramble for her testimony, Estella either shuts herself in her dorm room or runs off. In addition, the Sycamore Springs police department’s inexcusable actions during the white supremacist Charlottesville-style “America First” rally at Liberty Park results in a white counter-protesting student’s death and a heroic priest named Father Anthony Carlisle nearly losing his shit.  

Critical Race Theory states that racism is part of everyday life so white and non-white people who don’t intend to be racist can nevertheless make choices fueling racism. There are plenty of examples in Ballantine Castle, particularly when Rashida Owens breaks up an altercation pertaining to police mistreating a black man outside a Starbucks in Sycamore Springs to her partner, Beattie MacKillop’s dismay. When Rashida climbs back in her car, Beattie glares at her FBI partner and says, “Why must you stop and waste our time?” As far as she’s concerned, they’ve just arrived to the city to investigate a white college girl’s disappearance, an assignment Rashida has clearly expressed doesn’t want to work on. Stopping police from using excessive force on a black man will only delay their investigation. Now Beattie doesn’t intend to be racist here. But she certainly comes across as this and her chiding Rashida over the incident fuels racism as well. Which is exactly the point. 

However, a lot of critics claim that CRT advocates discriminating against white people in order to achieve equity (except it doesn’t), mainly aiming such accusations at theorists calling for policies explicitly taking race into account. Yet, the disagreement fundamentally springs from different conceptions of racism. While popular notions of racism take individuals’ own beliefs into account, CRT emphasizes outcomes and calls for people to examine and rectify them. And no, neutral “color-blind” policies won’t eliminate the America’s racial caste system. Many white people obviously have a problem with this, especially since they mostly don’t want to seem racist. But they don’t want to think about racism whenever Colin Kaepernick takes a knee to protest against police brutality, which they consider as an attack on the flag and the military (except that it’s not). Because white people in general want to live their lives pretending that racism died out in the 1960s with the Civil Rights Movement (except it didn’t). Since racism is so ordinary that white people benefit from it and their refusal to dismantle the racist status quo and resistance to racist policies makes them complicit in racism. The idea that someone can be racist by doing absolutely nothing is very triggering to say the least. After all, no one wants to be the bad guy. 

Due to CRT’s popular representation in schools being far less nuanced, a recent poll by Parents Defending Education claimed some schools were teaching that “white people are inherently privileged, while black and other people of color are inherently oppressed and victimized”; that “achieving racial justice and equality between racial groups requires discriminating against people based on their whiteness”; and that “the United States was founded on racism.” As a result, much of the current debate chiefly springs not from academic texts, but from critics’ fears that students (particularly white ones) will be exposed to supposedly damaging or self-demoralizing ideas. Doesn’t help that whenever white people hear even a whisper of “white people” and “racism” they can absolutely lose their shit, completely blocking them from hearing anything else. If in their mind, America is the greatest country in the world, any criticism of their beloved country is a personal attack, especially from anyone who’s not white. Sure, they’re fine with “a more perfect union” or “making America great again.” But they can’t handle an entire field of black scholarship based on the idea that their sweet land of the free is inherently racist. And all I have to say to them is tough shit.  

As of mid-May 2021, legislation to outlaw CRT in schools has passed in Idaho, Oklahoma, and Tennessee as well as proposed in various other statehouses. The bills are so vaguely written that it’s unclear what they’ll affirmatively cover, whether they’re constitutional or violate free speech (I’d say yes on the latter two). Could a teacher who wants to talk about state-sponsored racism a la Jim Crow (which prevented blacks from voting or holding office while separating them from white people in public spaces) violate such laws? Although it’s extremely difficult to police what’s taught in hundreds of classrooms, social studies teachers fear such laws could have a chilling effect on educators self-censoring their own lessons out of concern for parent or administration complaints. One Tennessee English teacher notes: “History teachers cannot adequately teach about the Trail of Tears, the Civil War, and the civil rights movement. English teachers will have to avoid teaching almost any text by an African American author because many of them mention racism to various extents.” The laws might also be used to attack other pieces of the curriculum like ethnic studies or “action civics,” which asks students to research local civic problems and propose solutions.  

In American history, cultural debates have focused on the balance among patriotism and American exceptionalism one end and the exclusion and violence toward Native Americans and African American enslavement on the other. As in our country’s ideals and practices. A current example that’s fueled much of the recent round of CRT criticism is the New York Times’ 1619 Project, which seeks to put slavery’s history and its effects as well as blacks’ contributions to democratic reforms front and center in American history. Nonetheless, we must understand that learning history isn’t always supposed to feel good. There are parts in our history that are downright painful, disturbing, and jarring to know about like slavery, native displacement and genocide, Jim Crow, racial violence, immigration restrictions, Japanese internment, and more. But they’re absolutely necessary to know about so we can grow and rectify such injustices as a society. For the old adage says, “those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” If we want to avoid the past’s mistakes and create a better society, then we must teach kids about race and racism. This goes especially for the students whose parents protest against the teaching of the 1619 Project and Critical Race Theory and buy into whatever conspiracy theories or culture war garbage the right-wing media screeds into their heads. Knowing about the past is hard. Not knowing is even harder. The price we pay for what we don’t know could be steep, as we learned from all the police shootings and white supremacist demonstrations. And for too far too long, the price for our collective historical ignorance has been way too high. White people may have the luxury to forget about all the awful legacy of slavery, Jim Crow, and segregation. But if they consist of the majority of who we elect into office at every level, it’s time they start as early as possible. 

The Dark Scary World of Vintage Halloween Costumes (Fifth Edition)

26-Best-Vintage-Halloween-Costumes-Inspiration11

For some mysterious reason, old vintage Halloween pictures seem to be a lot creepier for some reason. Maybe it’s the black and white photography. Maybe it’s how the costumes were made. Maybe it’s their conception of scary. I don’t know. Still, when you look at them, they’re bound to freak you out and give you nightmares for weeks to come. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of nightmarish vintage Halloween costumes. Sweet dreams.

  1.  She’s all dressed in ready for the spiderweb ball.

26-Best-Vintage-Halloween-Costumes-Inspiration19

So is this how they dressed for Halloween during the 18th century? Or did people during the 18th century not celebrate it?

2. Now, everyone, smile for the camera.

1.-MSS_577_B001_F013_I0i012-Halloween-1914

Man, I don’t think the guy dressed as a Native American would fly today. Also, some of the masks are quite terrifying.

3. I’m sure this witch is kind to her animals.

1b7bee6f0211a7d07e1f07749a24e54b

Yet, I’m not exactly sure by the grin on her face. Also, that cat looks like it’s stuffed.

4. The kitchen staff can be such animals.

1f946fa84137df85775134ac2bbf50d8

Okay, I don’t want to go in there. For all I know they could be cooking some of Hannibal Lecter’s best known recipes.

5. We all have our bad hair days.

2c8c4fe66e5685a10a1d30253c82983b

Yet, she could use a full-on makeover. Then again, witches don’t care much about their looks, anyway.

6. Even a ghostly skeleton seeks to pick up chicks.

6ca9534ada2d387dfe6b5d8623d4f629

I’m sure this version of Ghost doesn’t contain the iconic pottery wheel scene. In fact, I don’t think they’ll be making love to “Unchained Melody” anytime soon either.

7. You’d think this lady was batty.

7ede295f5bc076ce95d99de4cfeb302f

Yes, she’s in a sexy bat costume. But her dress doesn’t make much sense to me, save for fanservice.

8. Perhaps buying your costume isn’t as great as it seems.

16

Yeah, the masks look kind creep thanks to black and white photography. Still, the one with the leopard print doesn’t seem to have a face.

9. Want to dress as a sexy ghost? Just put a white bag on your head.

370

You could never pull this kind of costume in PA. Mainly because the weather’s under 50 degrees by this point.

10. May I present to you the 19th century version of the Village People.

742e0ff915b17ff02b42493818380e98

As you can see, they’re not exactly a lively bunch. In fact, they seem more likely to kill you in your sleep.

11. What a couple of babies.

33360e2a302dc923b36a3da2a6ca715a--creepy-vintage-vintage-halloween

Okay, these two look too big to be babies. Yet, their masks can just scare the living shit out of you.

12. You might fly with these Peter Pan costumes.

092519_vintage-disney-halloween-roundup-0-780x440-1569447014

These are actually really terrifying. And it really says a lot since Peter Pan is an incredibly creepy movie.

13. Here you see Spiderman and Batman hang out with Colonel Sanders.

slide_255991_1627296_free

What a way to show a good example to kids, superheroes. Of course, masked vigilantism doesn’t help either.

14. How about you hang near the car?

84025916

That duck mask is frightening. Then again, the chicken mask may even be scarier.

15. Hope the trick-or-treaters can make themselves comfortable.

285050908_ced3a05e9b_o

Okay, those vintage costumes are actually scarier in color. Even in regards to Princess Aurora, Casper, and Snoopy.

16. These kids are just resting on the grass.

412286099_o1-600x332

These masks are incredibly terrifying. Don’t look now, but I think these kids are devising ways to kill neighbors who don’t give them candy.

17. Have fun trick-or-treating, kids.

2940565506_6d38cbca8e_b

Apparently, someone managed to make Spiderman and the Lone Ranger scary. While the Wolf man seems kind of lame.

18. That’s an odd looking giraffe.

455708056018727728

Since the giraffe is made out of paper. Still, wonder how the girl can see in it.

19. Beware of the chicken boy.

b49cea7f23171477fcd4feeb7dd9d9d6

I don’t know why the kid just stick around transfixed on the chicken. When the girl should be running away screaming for her dear life.

20. These two are just walking the street on their Halloween haunt.

b79b282cadea6a1cfdd629749c78a02a

The witch seems like she’s wearing Groucho Marx glasses without the mustache. But it should be the ghost that really scares us.

21. You might want to get away from the monster behind you.

b657d599790422dd94e880663dbb139c--halloween-photos-vintage-halloween

That’s Frankenstein’s monster attacking that boy. And I’m sure the boy might need another pair of pants.

22. Sorry to crash a medieval plague doctors meeting.

c1fae1c9bb70b8f295bc90277ee41e94

Since they’re all wearing bird masks and cloaks. Still, if it was the 1300s, we’d wonder how many of them will be left next year.

23. You’d think this is an odd-looking bird.

cardboard1

Well, it’s a cardboard costume. But it kind of looks eerie in black and white photography.

24. Beware of the little red devil.

devilmaskk

I’m sure this kid is all right. But the costume makes him seem like a little terror out of hell.

25. A mother sits with her strangely dressed children.

gallery-1508177568-gettyimages-550151771

Two of them are supposed to be dwarfs, I think. One’s a cowboy. And one’s the Monopoly Man. But all seem rather dead inside.

26. This woman just wears a dress, mask, and cone hat.

girl-in-a-halloween-costume-in-1928-ontario-canada-414x640

Wearing that, you’d think she was on her way to a cult meeting. But she has a pumpkin on her dress.

27. These four just hang around the front door.

Creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-5

But look at their masks and you don’t want them in your house. Seriously, they make Freddy Krueger look like a character on Sesame Street.

28. You wouldn’t want to run into this little clown at night.

halloween-costumes3

Wonder if this is a childhood photo of Pennywise the Clown. I mean he had to be a child somehow.

29. Here a ghost emerges from the bushes.

halloween-costumes22

Let’s hope he didn’t make it from some Klan robe. Because they were a thing back in the Gilded Age and 1920s.

30. This doesn’t seem like a fun Halloween party.

Vintage_40ccb2_6430304

Consists of a scary clown and two very offensive stereotypes. For God’s sake it was the early 1900s. Times were really racist.

31. Well, this seems like a strange horse race.

il_570xN.869778560_szvv

Yes, you see people sharing horse costumes. One guy has very little legs like Lord Farquad.

32. Don’t hitch a ride with these masked men.

original

Since they’ll take you to an undisclosed location. Then they’ll kill you and rip you to pieces.

33. Who knows what this clown will do to these two women.

Scary-Vintage-Clown-Halloween-Costume

Yeah, I get that he’s wearing a tall hat. But I think after this picture was taken, the two women were never seen again.

34. The skull person is within the living room.

scary-vintage-halloween-creepy-costumes-114-57fc8e918e308__605

Indeed, they’re not scaring anyone. But in time, they will chase teenagers with a knife once it gets dark.

35. Each trick-or-treater shall receive a large pumpkin bag.

slide_255991_1627584_free

The devil and Raggedy Ann masks will haunt your dreams. The cat, not so much.

36. Sometimes a white mask is all you need.

Spooky_Styles_of_Halloween_Costumes_from_a_Century_Ago_(1)

She’s even on roller skates. That means she can go after you with a knife faster. Except on the stairs.

37. Are those kids or ventriloquist dummies?

stuffyoushouldknow-14-2013-09-vintage-halloween17

Well, they could be kids wearing masks. Yet, they don’t really seem very lifelike to me. Something’s off here.

38. The light’s quite misty, isn’t it?

stuffyoushouldknow-14-2013-09-vintage-halloween55

One of the revelers reminds me of an undead muppet. Another has a rather creepy clown face.

39. Apparently, someone’s fallen into a creepy cult ritual.

tumblr_nebmpwvXFe1rhhnauo1_500

These women wear dresses with markings on them. But they must dance around two virgins before they sacrifice them to their blood hungry god.

40. A witch stands with her cat.

untitled1

She seems rather lonely. Mostly because everyone’s frightened of her. And her cat’s plush, I think.

41. These two seem like a rather odd couple.

untitled3

One wears a mask with make while looking dashing in a top hat and coat. The other wears a mask and a dress.

42. Here’s a friendly guy you’d meet in the park.

Vintage_9ba841_6430304

Kind of reminds me of the guy kicked off The Muppet Show. Since he often gave kids candy from his windowless van. Or so I heard.

43. Care to see the clown in the corner?

Vintage_54b346_6430304

On second thought, I’ll pass on that one. Don’t want to be found near the river with an ax in my back.

44. Don’t you ever refuse to give these kids candy.

Vintage_c54189_6430304

Because if you do, they will kill you. Even if you honestly ran out, they will still slay you. So please have candy ready for them.

45. Sandra finds romance on Planet of the Apes.

vintage-halloween-7-850x633

“Come to me, you damn dirty ape. Send me to your monkey bar sex dungeon.”

46. Don’t you dare cross this masked maid.

vintage-halloween-630x387

Mess with her and she’ll make sure you pay with your life. And she’ll make you pay.

47. You might enjoy this jolly clown.

Vintage-halloween-costume

Okay, this clown is terrifying. Avoid him like the plague if you value your life.

48.  You’d swear you’ve seen these trick-or-treaters from space.

Vintage-Halloween-Costume1-630x435

These costumes are quite frightening. Yet, the astronaut has to wear a rocket shaped mask for some reason.

49. “Come and play with us, Danny.”

vintage-halloween-costumes16

Those princess masks are guaranteed to give you nightmares. Will certainly haunt your dreams.

50. Perhaps you might enjoy a couple of sisters.

vintage-halloween-costumes-19

One doesn’t pretend not to care. The other’s thinking about skinning the neighbor’s cat.

51. Make sure your stick matches your masks.

vintage-halloween-costumes-1930s-7

Though each one is just as scary. And the kids in the back certainly know it.

52. Looks like the Turnip ghost caused some scares.

wp-content2Fuploads2F20142F102FHalloween-costumes-1.jpg2Foriginal

The woman is freaking out. The guy is splayed on the floor. Wonder if this is some horror cosplay scene.

53. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you can’t be Batman.

Z0SQXrk

Well, she’s an early incarnation of Batwoman. But what am I kidding? Batman wasn’t around yet.

54. Well, we’ve got a couple of lone rangers.

zorro-lone-ranger-1950s-halloween-costumes

Actually, one’s supposed to be Zorro. But they will strike if not given candy for trick-or-treating.

55. “Won’t you come and spoon with me?”

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-spoon

Oh, hell no. For God’s sake I’m not that desperate for cuddles.

56.  “I’m just a little school girl.”

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-hair

I don’t know about you. But that’s a dude who looks like a lady to me. Possible ancestor of Steve Tyler from Aerosmith.

57. “Get off my lawn, you brats!”

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-man

For if you don’t, he’ll run you down and cut you up in his basement. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

58. Watch out for the locker room ghosts.

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-bags

Of course, they probably didn’t have the time and resources for a full sheet. So they used pillow cases instead. One even has a black bag.

59. “I shall call him, Mini Me.”

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-boys

These two wear the same cone black hats. The smaller boy is pure evil.

60. I give you, the Elephant Man.

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-elephant-man

Okay, that’s kind of insensitive. Joseph Merrick deserves more dignity than that. Then again, he probably doesn’t know anything about Merrick.

61. Send in the big clowns.

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-large-men

On second thought, do clowns really need to be inflated. That just makes them scarier.

62. “Are you comfortable, madam?”

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-mouse

This mouse seems rather hospitable to that girl. Don’t really want to what kind of relationship they have.

63. “Let’s just watch that house burn.”

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-overexposure

These masks are so terrifying even if they’re supposed to be dolls and clowns. And I’m sure they just set a house on fire.

64. Clown or space alien? You decide.

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-tall

Actually, she’s probably dressed like a clown. But her tall hat totally seems like it’s from another planet.

65. These two always stick together.

creepy-vintage-halloween-costumes-twins

Mostly because they’re dressed as co-join twins. They do a lot together, including murder.

66. “Want to join us at the farm?”

90

They’re all decked in their pajamas like they’re having a slumber party. Though I’ll pass on this one.

67. This black cat lingers in the alley.

901

Sure they may look scary. But the 2019 trailer to Cats just makes it look tame in comparison.

68. Hello boys and girls, it’s Beppo the clown.

s-l400

For God’s sake, kill this infernal creature with fire. Before he kills somebody or gets in a daycare center.

69. Don’t want to run into these monsters even on a good day.

5380fadd8d3aea945607828307880306

They’re just kids in Halloween costumes. But the masks are simply spooky.

70. Don’t mess with these clown ladies.

26-Best-Vintage-Halloween-Costumes-Inspiration24

Mock their circus act and I swear they will rain fire and terror on you. Or they’ll just kill you in your sleep.

71. Skull girl just loves hanging among the flowers.

947e180a78cf67da32a107785603df2f-creepy-halloween-halloween-costumes

Hey, at least she’s not Rhoda from the Bad Seed. She wouldn’t kill anyone for trivial stuff like a penmanship award. But she will if you mess with her.

72. Why so sad, scarecrow?

a04b57335f3b5adba55e25e6ab2f50b9--creepy-vintage-vintage-halloween

Guy looks like a sagging and depressed muppet. And with bad fashion sense.

73. This witch is awfully fond of these little girls.

vintage-halloween-costumes-31

Wonder if that witch is in costume. But she shows eyes of ill intent.

74. Care for some clandestine greenhouse ritual?

be58156ab711a838c386f15f51450b3d

The kids seem like they’re dressed in their pajamas. The mom’s dressed as a witch.

75. Here’s a still from the new Joker movie.

haunted-clown

Well, that might be a little too early. But I’m sure he’ll grow up to be an unstable psychopath nonetheless.

76. Pretty short to have mustaches, don’t you think?

faf9cea126536f89948f9ff3499bffb5

One’s wearing a dress to indicate she’s clearly a girl. But these two seem like they’re silently judging you in those creepy masks.

77. “Here’s Toodles!”

f2923904e5275691c5b66af523164b4f

Seeing that clown hovering over that family sends shivers down my spine. Also, is he holding a gun?

78. “I just came here to pick up a few things like your soul.”

il_570xN.1626451553_srki

I can understand why that girl’s screaming. Still, kind of way too young for this Faustian bargain thing. I think there should be an age of consent for that.

79. Got you 4 little devils in a row.

halloween-costumes-69

They’re even all holding masks. But come midnight, they will wreak havoc on a murder spree.

80. These robots come from another galaxy.

Creepy_48cc17_6071176

But mess with them, they’re bound to exterminate you. They also have great fashion sense.

The United States of Cuteness: Part 5 – South Dakota to Wyoming

Hope you enjoyed this series as much as I’ve been compiling it. After all the shit’s been going on in the news and in our lives, we all need some cuteness to escape to now and again. Sure, you may only see many of these animals in zoos, on vacation, or on TV. But some you might be able to see during a walk in the park or in your own backyard. Especially when it comes to some of these small birds you can find in vast areas of the country. In fact, it’s kind of surprising how small some of these animals are, especially if you see how they’re photographed up close. In this final post, we’ll meet the last batch of creatures representative of the United States of Cuteness. You’ll meet a couple of foxes in South Dakota and Utah, a stunning duck in Tennessee, an adorable cat in Texas, an iconic hare in Vermont, a couple of squirrels in Virginia and West Virginia, an adorable marine critter in Washington, a little badass in Wisconsin, and a cute little masked sausage in Wyoming.

41. South Dakota

Swift Fox (Vulpes velox)

Why the Cutest: Boasting oversized, expressive ears, a long, black-tipped bushy tail, and a delicate, slender frame, this house cat-sized fox is an incredibly cute canid on the Great Plains. Helps that its kits resemble tiny, animated fluff balls when playing in the western grasslands. In addition, it’s a highly intelligent, curious, and alert canid that could be incredibly bold or incredibly timid. And while many foxes may be solitary, this cute doggie mates for life and shares caregiving duties with mates and family packs.

Lifespan: Typically lived 3-6 years in the wild but can live up to 14 in captivity. Predators include coyotes, American badgers, golden eagles, and bobcat. Als vulnerable to trapping, poisoning, and vehicle deaths.

Location and Habitat: Lives in western North America between the US-Canadian border to as south as New Mexico. Primarily resides in short grass prairies, temperate deserts, and western grassland.

Diet: Eats rabbits, mice, ground squirrels, birds, insects, other arthropods, lizards, amphibians, fish, eggs, fruits, geese, deer, and carrion.

Behavior: Is primarily nocturnal, spending only evenings and nighttime above ground during the summer. Daytime activity is usually confined to the den except during the winter when it could be active midday. Forms dens on sandy soils on open prairies, in plowed fields, or along fences. But can also use dens once made by other animals. Uses den as shelter from predators. Can occupy 13 dens a year due to scarce prey or skin parasite build up. Breeding season is from December to March. Is usually monogamous but other mating strategies have been observed. Some mate for life some choose different partners each year. Females typically produce 4-5 kits per litter. Social organization is based around females who maintain territory at all times. Males may move if a resident female is killed or removed.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern but was once considered endangered due to predator control programs aimed at the gray wolf and coyote. But reintroduction efforts in western Canada and the western US have proven successful and stabilized the population. Today it occupies only 40% of its historical range.

Trivia: Can sprint 30-40 mph.

Other Candidates: Black-Tailed Prairie Dog, Raccoon, Eastern Cottontail, and Red Fox.

42. Tennessee

Wood Duck (Aix sponsa)

Why the Cutest: The male wood duck is a stunningly colorful bird and is considered the most beautiful waterfowl in North America. The drake features a brilliant, iridescent green and purple crest, a rich chestnut breast, and a fine striped pattern making it look like a painted wooden or ceramic sculpture on someone’s buffet table. The hen displays softer gray-brown feathers and distinct white teardrop shape around the eye. But both sexes have a unique boxy, crested head, and a sleek, elegant posture. The ducklings are especially brave since they have to jump 50ft from the nest after hatching in response to their mothers’ calls, often emerging unharmed and ready to explore.

Lifespan: Usually lives 3-4 years in the wild but exceptional individuals can live 15-20 years. 90% of ducklings die within the first 2 weeks of life due to weather, jumping from high tree cavities, or predation. Predators include hawks, raccoons, owls, red foxes, gray foxes, large fish, American alligators, American minks, and black rat snakes.

Location and Habitat: Lives in most of North America from southern Canada to as south as Cuba. Some migrate and some don’t. Resides in wooded swamps, shallow lakes, marshes, ponds, and creeks.

Diet: Eats berries, acorns, and insects.

Behavior: Nests in cavities in trees close to water but will take advantage of nesting boxes in wetland locations. Females line the nest with feathers or other soft materials. Females can produce 2 broods of 7-15 eggs within a single season and is the only North American duck to do so. Breeding season is February to April. Females laying eggs too close together may lead to overfilled nests, unincubated eggs, and a practice known as “nest dumping.” Ducklings are born able to climb from the nest cavity and jump down from the nest to the ground sometimes as far as 50ft over water or leaf litter. Often landing unharmed. That is, as soon as their mother gives the call that it’s safe to do so. Males play no part in rearing chicks. Male courtship displays employ specific mating calls to attract females and establish pair bonds, which can comprise of melodic whistles followed by head-bobbing and wing-flashing.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern, but populations have suffered serious declines during the 19th century thanks to market hunting for feathers in ladies’ hats and habitat loss that it nearly disappeared by the 20th century. The Migratory Bird Treaty, nesting boxes, and beaver conservation efforts have allowed it to make a comeback with major increases in recent years.

Trivia: The only duck equipped with sharp claws that perches and nests on trees. Breeding range has expanded to the Great Plains in recent decades. Males have distinctive vocalizations playing an important role in communication, especially during mating season. With the primary call being a whistle described as “jeeee.” Females produce several distinct calls like a drawn-out, rising squeal such as “do weep do weep,” and a sharp “c-r-ek, c-r-ek” alarm call. Vocalizations vary between sexes with each having specific calls for different social contexts like mate attraction, territorial defense, and maintaining contact with mates and offspring. Is the official duck of Michigan. Feeds by dabbling on the surface. Male is the most colorful American waterfowl.

Other Candidates: Raccoon, American Mink, North American River Otter, Eastern Chipmunk, Red Fox, Gray Fox, and Easter Box Turtle.

43. Texas

Ocelot (Leopardus pardalis)

Why the Cutest: Finding a cat representative in the United States of Cuteness is especially difficult. While South America has plenty of cute felines, most North American wild cats aren’t exactly cute as adults. Far from it in fact. Yet, given that the US of Cuteness needs a cat, the Ocelot is a key shoo-in. Especially given its small critically endangered population in Texas’ Rio Grande Valley that really desperately needs saving. Nonetheless, unlike the other wild cats in North America, the Ocelot resembles an adorable-looking miniature jaguar you could cuddle (but please don’t since it’s a fierce and unpredictable predator that should remain wild). Its coat is a gorgeous camouflaged fur with unique rosettes, spots, and stripes. It’s also only twice the size of a domestic cat with kitten-like proportions making it look endlessly playful. It even loves climbing trees, leaping through foliage, as well as displays high energy and curious expressions.

Lifespan: Usually live 7-10 years in the wild, sometimes even as long as 12. Can live up to 20 years in captivity. Causes of death are predation, vehicle collisions, disease, and habitat loss. Predators include cougars, coyotes, American alligators, great horned owls, bobcats, feral dogs, feral pigs, crotalid pit vipers, jaguars, and colubrid constrictors.

Location and Habitat: Lives in the Southwestern US to South America. Inhabits tropical forests, thorn forests, mangrove swamps, and savannas. Often prefers a place near a water source, plenty of prey, and with adequate cover from predators.

Diet: Eats rodents, lagomorphs, armadillos, opossums, fish, crustaceans, insects, reptiles, and birds. Prefers smaller prey but rarely targets deer, peccaries, anteaters, monkeys, and iguanas.

Behavior: Is usually solitary, nocturnal, and territorial but often wakes up in the late afternoon. While juveniles sometimes interact with their parents and adults may contact each other at communal latrines. During the day, it rests on trees, in dens below trees, or other cool, sheltered sites on the ground. Can breed at any time throughout the year but mating season is usually in the fall and winter. Those in South America breed in the summer. Uses long range “yowl” and a short range “meow” during that time. Females typically produce 2-3 kittens per litter. Kittens remain with mother for 2 years. Scent marks its territory with urine. Uses scent trails to find prey and may wait at a site for 30-60 minutes before moving on.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concerned but considered Critically Endangered in the United States due to past hunting practices, habitat loss, agricultural development, the fur trade, the pet trade, deforestation, poaching of prey animals, and traffic accidents. In 2014, it was said there were only 50-80 individuals in Texas resulting in increased inbreeding and low genetic diversity. The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department and The Nature Conservancy are active in its conservation such as protection and vegetation regeneration in the Rio Grande Valley. While reintroduction efforts are taking place on private lands. There is even a captive breeding program of this animal in Brazil in partnership with the American Zoo and Aquarium Association. Its Central and South American populations are more stable, but conservation measures are still necessary, especially since many live in the Amazon Rainforest. As of 2026, it’s said its global population is decreasing.

Trivia: Has 4 subspecies. Is efficient at climbing, leaping, and swimming. Has been depicted in pre-Columbian artwork and mythology. Bones were once used in ritual blood letting and for piercing ears.

Other Candidates: Raccoon, North American River Otter, White-Nosed Coati, Ringtail, Gray Fox, Red Fox, and Texas-Horned Lizard.

44. Utah

Kit Fox (Vulpes macrotis)

Why the Cutest: It’s the smallest fox in North America. Said to be the American equivalent of the Fennec Fox. Being the size of a small house cat, the Kit Fox comes off as a jacked version of a Chihuahua. It has huge, striking ears helping it prey in the dark and release body heat to remain cool in hot deserts. Not to mention give it an endearing look. While its soft, grayish tan fur helps it smoothly blend into sandy, arid landscapes. Its small build, slender frame, and delicate features make it permanently resemble a playful puppy. Whie it has fuzzy fur on its paw pads to protect itself from the hot desert sand. Still, despite its adorable appearance, it’s a tough nocturnal hunter.

Lifespan: Typically lived 5-6 years but can live 10-12 years in captivity. 74% of pups die the first year. Predators include coyotes, golden eagles, large hawks, bobcats, and American badgers.

Location and Habitat: Lives western North American as north as Oregon to as south as northern Mexico. Resides in desert scrub, chaparral, halophytic regions, and grasslands. Can be found in agricultural areas, especially orchards as well as even inhabit urban areas. Found 1,300 – 6,200ft above sea level.

Diet: Is an opportunistic omnivore and scavenger but is chiefly carnivorous. Eats Merriam’s kangaroo rat, lagomorphs, insects, rodents, birds, reptiles, carrion, fish, tomatoes, cactus fruits, and black-tailed jack rabbits. Can eat human food as well.

Behavior: Is mostly nocturnal and sometimes crepuscular, escaping heat stress during the day by resting in an underground den. Is a solitary forager but lives in pairs or in small family groups. Uses dens for daytime resting, escaping predators, preserving moisture, as well as carrying and rearing young. Digs its own dens but will repurpose burrows of other animals like badgers, ground squirrels, prairie dogs, and kangaroo rats. Also, caches food. Has dens spread across its home range and uses more than 11 of them a year. Is socially monogamous and sticks with its mate throughout the year though polygamous arrangements have been observed. Mating season is typically from September to February with females selecting and retrofitted, mating pairs are established, and actually mating ensues. Females typically produce 4-5 kits per litter with a roughly even sex ratio. Both parents contribute to raising the young.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern but its San Joaquin subspecies is currently seen as Endangered due to habitat loss. Still, numbers have been decreasing in recent years.

Trivia: Has 8 subspecies. Smallest native fox in North America. Unlike most canids, it pants at a rate proportional to the ambient temperature before the rate exceeds the resonant frequency. In doing so, it exercises the economics of water at the cost of energy. Although not as speedy as it appears, its small size, cryptic coloration, and incredibly ability to evade and change directions provides that illusion.

Other Candidates: American Pika, Least Chipmunk, Utah Prairie Dog, and Uinta Ground Squirrel.

45. Vermont

Snowshoe Hare (Lepus americanus)

Why the Cutest: It’s an exceptionally adorable fluffy mammal, especially during its winter “snow bunny” phase. Its large hind feet are covered in thick fur, allowing it to easily hop over deep snowbanks without sinking. Its summer coat is reddish brown to match the forest floor dirt. When winter comes, it turns into a fluffy, pure white “snow bunny.” Add its big dark eyes, twitchy nose, and long ears tipped with soft black or brown markings. And unlike typical newborn rabbits, its babies are born fully furred with open eyes and can hop around almost immediately.

Lifespan: Usually live 1-2 years in the wild with 85% dying within its first year due to harsh conditions and heavy predation. Though some individuals have lived as many as 5. Can live up to 8 in captivity. Canada lynx is its main predator whose relationship has been used as a case study of relationships between predators and prey in biology classes in regards to its population cycles. Other predators include foxes, bobcats, fishers, martens, long-tailed weasels, minks, domestic cats, domestic dogs, coyotes, cougars, owls, wolves, red-tailed hawks, American goshawks, corvids, buteonine hawks, and black bears.  

Location and Habitat: Lives in northern North America from Alaska to the Appalachian and Rocky Mountain ranges. Resides in areas with dense plant coverage such as boreal forests, upper montane forests and wetlands, agricultural land, uplands, second-growth forests with dense, bushy understories, coniferous and mixed forests, shrubby oil field areas, early to mid-successional burns, shrub swamps, bogs, clear-cut areas, and upper montane krumholz vegetation.

Diet: Eats buds, twigs, evergreen needles, bark, carrion, herbs, berries, fruits, nuts, ferns, flowers, forbs, leaves, grasses, and woody plants.

Behavior: Is nocturnal and crepuscular, shy, and secretive. Avoids open areas during bright moon phases, especially during the winter. Spends most of the day in shallow depressions called forms, scraped up under clumps of ferns, brush thickets, and downed piles of wood. Breeding season spans from December to August in which it’s diurnal. Females typically produce 2-4 offspring per litter, which could be 2-3 a year depending on cycle. Siblings stay with each other during the day and gather each evening to nurse after leaving their natal home. Is active year-round and feeds at night.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern but is vulnerable to climate change which can leave it more vulnerable to predators in its white phase. Doesn’t help that it’s actually something of a keystone species in its environment. So if its numbers crash, it might spell doom for other species.

Trivia: Has 15 subspecies. Gets its name from its large hind feet, which prevent it from sinking into soft snow, much like snowshoes. Has 2 seasonal coats for camouflage: short brown fur in the summer and long white coat for winter.

Other Candidates: Stoat, Black-Capped Chickadee, North American River Otter, Eastern Chipmunk, Red Fox, and North American Porcupine.

46. Virginia

Southern Flying Squirrel (Glaucomys volans)

Why the Cutest: Rocket “Rocky” J. Squirrel is one and is the mascot for a minor league team in Richmond, Virginia. Graceful in flight but a very clumsy walker, this flying ball of fluff has huge dark eyes, soft gray-brown fur, and loose skin to enable its gliding from tree to tree. Not to mention, it loves to cuddle with friends and family during long, harsh winters.

Lifespan: Typically live around 3-6 years in the wild and 10-15 years in captivity. Predators include snakes, owls, hawks, raccoons, and domestic cats.

Location and Habitat: Lives in southeastern Canada and the eastern United States with small pockets in Mexico and Central America. Resides in deciduous and mixed woods, preferably in places in abundant hickory and beech trees. Can live in suburban areas, but not in great numbers.

Diet: Eats fruits and nuts from trees like red and white oak, hickory, and beech. Also snacks on insects, buds, mushrooms, mycorrhizal fungi, carrion, bird eggs, nestlings, and flowers.

Behavior: Like most flying squirrels, it’s nocturnal. Produce 2 litters of 2-7 young each year. Stores food, especially acorns for winter consumption. If it’s on the ground and in danger, it prefers to hide over trying to escape. Nests in natural cavities and woodpecker holes which it builds with twigs. Is highly social and has been observed flying in large groups. Often crowd in dens, especially as temperatures decline during the colder months. Although it prefers relatives, it’s tolerant of non-related but familiar neighbors, especially when it means better heat retention and a wider mate selection. But often fly and cache solo during the summer months.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern but often sensitive to forest disturbances than previously believed.

Trivia: Has 11 subspecies. Has substantial homing abilities and can return to its nest if artificially removed to distances up to a kilometer. Exposure to these critters has been linked to cases of epidemic typhus. Can also be host to Rickettsia prowazekii bacteria and transmission to humans is said to occur via aerosolized feces and fleas associated with G. volans. Doesn’t actually fly but glide using a loose skin membrane called a patagium. Can initiate glides with a running start or from a stationary position by bringing its limbs under its body, retracting its head, and then propelling itself off the tree. It’s believed it uses triangulation to estimate the landing area’s distance as it leans out and pivots from side to side before jumping. Once in the air, it spreads its long arms forward and out, causing its membrane to stretch into a square-like shape and glide down at angles of 30 and 40 degrees. Can maneuver with great efficiency in the air and make 90-degree turns around if obstacles if necessary. Just before reaching a tree, it raises its flattened tail to abruptly change trajectory upward, and point all its limbs forward; creating a parachute effect with a membrane in order to reduce the landing shock. While limbs absorb the impact’s remainder, and it immediately runs to the trunk’s other side to avoid any potential predators.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, Eastern Chipmunk, Least Weasel, Virginia Opossum, Red Fox, and Eastern Cottontail.

47. Washington

Sea Otter (Enhydra lutris)

Why the Cutest: Washington is home to one of the more successful sea otter reintroduction programs which began from 59 in 1969-1970 near La Push and Port Grenville to as many as 2,000 as of 2017 with range extending to as south as Cape Flattery, as north and east as Pillar Point along the Straight of Juan de Fuca. But the population is almost exclusively on the state’s outer shore. Today its protected range is known as the Olympic Coast National Marine Sanctuary. Nonetheless, the Sea Otter is widely considered to be one of the cutest animals because of its playful behaviors, fluffy coats, and unique habits. With nearly a million hairs per square inch, it has the thickest fur of any animal that keeps it warm and gives babies a fuzzy, cork-like floatie coat. Its large eyes, round whiskers, and puffy cheeks trigger human care instincts and melt hearts. While its small paws let it grasps items like a human child. It holds hands while sleeping in groups so no one drifts apart in the water. It has loose folds of skin under its arms acting as pockets to store its favorite rocks or food while diving. Mothers wrap their pups in kelp strands to keep them from floating away. It even smashes hard shells using its favorite stone tucked into its armpit. Sure, it may be an apex predator that treats the sea as its own all you can eat seafood buffet. But it’s so cuddly like a stuffed animal that the only thing it’ll take from you is your heart.

Lifespan: Usually live 10-20 years in the wild, sometimes as many as 23. In captivity, it can live longer than that. Only 25% of pups survive their first year. While worn teeth may account for shorter lifespans. Predators include orcas, sea lions, bald eagles, coyotes, great white sharks, and wolves. Susceptible to cat parasites and the H1N1 virus.

Location and Habitat: Lives in the northern and eastern Pacific Ocean, which is as north as Alaska and as south as Mexico.

Diet: Is considered an apex predator and said to eat over 100 prey species. Eats fish, clams, snails, sea urchins, sea stars, sea cucumbers, fat innkeeper worms, crustaceans, chitons, snails, abalones, limpets, crabs, octopuses, and the occasional seabird.

Behavior: Is diurnal but rests at mid-day and dusk after foraging and feeding, with a possible evening run at night. Females with pups are more likely to feed at night. Spends much of its time grooming and maintaining its fur in a way that resembles scratching but isn’t. Often rolls in the water, apparently washing food from its fur. Hunts in short dives, often to sea floor, which typically lasts for a minute and no more than 4. Although it often forages alone since its juvenile stage, it rests within single-sex groups called a raft, which could range from 10-100 members. May wrap itself in kelp to keep itself from drifting out to sea while eating or resting. Peak mating is usually during summer and early autumn but can mate any time of year. Is polygynous. Mating behavior amongst pairs can be playful and aggressive. A male often hold the female’s head or nose with their jaws during copulation, often leaving scars on her face. In some severe cases, this trauma could kill her. Females usually produce a single pup, whom the mother licks to fluff so it floats and can’t dive. Females are known to be very attentive mothers and are often seen carrying a dead pup for days after it expires. They can also care for orphan pups as well.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Endangered due to once extensively being hunted for its fur, pollution, climate change, poaching, conflicts with fisheries, overfishing, orca predation, and low genetic diversity. Although reintroductions and translocations have proven successful since the animal now occupies 2/3 of its historical range, the population has seen declines in recent years and one bad thing could undue decades of hard work to save the species.

Trivia: Has 3 subspecies. Is one of the heaviest of the weasel family but one of the smallest marine mammals. Has no blubber and relies on exceptionally thick fur to keep warm. With 970,000 hairs per square inch, it has the densest fur of any animal. Fur consists of long waterproof guard hairs and short underfur with guard hairs keeping dense underfur dry. Oil glands help matt out its fur and keep it from holding air. Fur is gradually replace as it’s shed. Has nostrils and ears that can close. Has fully webbed, broadly flattened hind feet for swimming propulsion. Front paws have short, retractable claws with tough pads on paws to grab slippery prey. Tail is short, thick, slightly flattened, and muscular. Has highly sensitive whiskers. Has large kidneys to enable it to derive fresh water from sea water and excrete concentrated urine. Can hold its breath underwater for 5 minutes. Only marine mammal capable of lifting and turning over rocks and catches fish with its forepaws rather than its teeth. Has a loose pouch under its forelegs to store food. Is among one of the few animal species to use tools, usually comprising of rocks. Considered a keystone species since it keeps the population of certain animals in check within the kelp forests, which are extremely productive ecosystems. Reintroductions of these critters have drastically improved the health of kelp forests. Yet, it also improved diversity in mussel beds and seagrass meadows, too. Has held special importance in many indigenous cultures and folklore. Has become an icon for environmental conservation since the 1970s.

Other Candidates: Orca, Olympic Marmot, American Pika, Pacific Marten, and North American River Otter.

48. West Virginia

American Red Squirrel (Tamiasciurus hudsonicus)

Why the Cutest: It’s a tiny energetic rodent famous for its rust-red coat and very cute alert appearance that you’d find in a childhood storybook. Its dark, round eyes feature soft, white eye rings. Whether excited or annoyed, it makes squeak, chattering noises. And while it may look sweet and fluffy, it very brave and very protective of its territory. Who wouldn’t want to cuddle with a squirrel like this though?

Lifespan: Usually live up to 3 years, sometimes as long as 8. Only 22% survive the first year. Predators include Canada lynx, bobcat, coyote, great horned owl, American Goshawk, red-tailed hawk, American Crow, American marten, Pacific marten, red fox, gray fox, wolf, and weasel.

Location and Habitat: Found in North America from Alaska to as south as the southern Rocky Mountains. Resides in conifer and mixed forests.

Diet: Eats pinecone seeds, evergreen buds, spruce needles, mushrooms, willow leaves, poplar buds and catkins, bearberry flowers and berries, bird eggs, and snowshoe hare leverets.

Behavior: Is diurnal, solitary, asocial, and highly territorial. Doesn’t interact with its own species save during mating or interacting with young. Creates a cache of food called a midden that could be as large as 39ft across and could be filled with hundreds of pinecone seeds. Females are spontaneous ovulators and will be chased by several males in an extended mating chase once she reaches estrus. She’s said to mate with 4-16 males. Females produce 3-4 young per litter once a year. Sometimes occasionally skips one. Nests are build from grass within tree branches or dug from witch’s broom, which is abnormally dense vegetation growth resulting from a rust disease or cavities in trunks. Has several nests within its territory and females with young often move between them. Juveniles may receive midden and territory from its mother but it’s rare. But young often don’t stray from their mothers after reaching maturation. Often leaving their mom’s territory during the day and returning at night.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern and has been known to be expanding its range into hardwood forests.

Trivia: Has 25 subspecies.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, West Virginia Northern Flying Squirrel, Virginia Opossum, and Eastern Chipmunk.

49. Wisconsin

American Badger (Taxidea taxus)

Why the Cutest: Sure, it may look like its European counterpart on meth. But since Wisconsin is the Badger State who are we to judge? Anyway, the American Badger is a stocky, low-slung digging machine that can look surprisingly adorable with its chunky body, wide face, and curious expressions. Yet, has the reputation as a notoriously fierce badass in the wild. Its wide, flattened body gives its sturdy and unique look. Its single white nose-to-head stripe and dark eye patches gives it distinct, memorable features. Its babies are energetic, mischievous, and clumsy, showing very playful conduct before growing into crouching little badasses we know and love. Its front legs act like built-in shovels for deep burrowing. Not to mention its no-nonsense attitude and will quickly show its teeth when threatened. It’s no wonder that Wisconsin has it as it’s state mammal and calls itself the Badger State.

Lifespan: Typically lives 4-10 years in the wild, with some exceptional individuals living as long as 14. Can live15-26 years in captivity. Has a 35-80% first-year mortality rate. Predators include golden eagles, coyotes, bobcats, bears, gray wolves, and cougars.

Location and Habitat: Lives in much of the North America West of the Appalachian Mountains from southern Canada to Mexico. Resides in grasslands and prefers prairie regions with sandy loam soils where it could dig more easily for its prey. But can live in parklands, farms, and other treeless areas with friable soil and an adequate supply of rodent prey. Can also be found in forest glades, meadows, marshes, brushy areas, open chaparral, hot deserts, and mountain meadows, even at elevations as high as 12,000ft.

Diet: Eats pocket gophers, ground squirrels, moles, marmots, prairie dogs, pikas, woodrats, kangaroo rats, voles, rattlesnakes, snakes, bank swallows, burrowing owls, lizards, amphibians, carrion, fish skunks, insects, corn, peas, green beans, mushrooms, and sunflower seeds.

Behavior: Is generally nocturnal but will forage in areas with no human encroachment, especially during the spring. Uses a scratch digging process where it withdraws its forelimbs to break soil and move debris behind to the sides of its body. Spends much of the winter in torpor cycles lasting 29 hours at a time and emerges from its burrow whenever the temperature is above freezing. Could work in tandem with coyotes while hunting. Expends less energy while hunting in burrows underground. Is solitary but its known to expand its territory during breeding season. Mating season is late summer and early fall. Some males breed with more than one female. Females typically produce 1-5 young but usually 3. Dens usually measure about 4ft and 10ft by depth and 4ft by 6ft in width. May dig and reuse burrows when food is plentiful.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern but some subspecies are seen as endangered due to habitat loss, especially in Canada and California. Have been trapped by humans for pelts and fur has been used for paint and shaving brushes.

Trivia: Has 4 subspecies. Mascot for the University of Wisconsin. Its abandoned burrows could be occupied by other animals like foxes, skunks, burrowing owls, tiger salamanders, and California red-legged frogs. Has long claws and thick skin.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, American Beaver, Red Fox, and Wood Duck.

50. Wyoming

Black-Footed Ferret (Mustela nigripes)

Why the Cutest: When it was thought to be extinct, a residue of these cuties was Meeteetsee, Wyoming in 1981 and has been the center of its conservation ever since. Nonetheless, this is a famously adorable carnivore known for its distinct “Zorro” facial mask as well as its playful and energetic behavior. Aside from its trademark facial markings, its dark feet look like dark matching socks. When energetic, it performs an energetic “war dance” accompanied by chirps and barks.  

Lifespan: Usually lives 1-3 years in the wild and 4-6 in captivity. 50-70% juveniles die in their first year. Predators include great horned owls, golden eagles, coyotes, prairie falcons, ferruginous hawks, American badgers, prairie rattlesnakes, and bobcats. Susceptible to canine distemper, sylvatic plague, rabies, tularemia, and human influenza.

Location and Habitat: Lives in western North America from southern Canada to northern Mexico.

Diet: Primarily eats prairie dogs, small rodents, and lagamorphs. Resides in shortgrass prairie, mixed grass prairie, shrub steppe, sagebrush steppe, mountain grassland, and semi-arid grassland.

Behavior: Is nocturnal and solitary save for breeding and raising litters. Primarily hunts sleeping prairie dogs in their burrows. May remain inactive in burrows for up to 6 days at a time during winter. Peak activity is in late summer and early autumn when juveniles become independent. Adult females often occupy the same territory every year. Is likely polygynous with mating season falling in February and March. When both are in estrus, a male sniffs a female’s genital area and mounts her after a few hours passed before grasping her by the nape of the neck in copulation. Females produce 1-5 kits per litter. Uses prairie dog burrows for raising young, avoiding predators, and thermal cover.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Endangered due to declines in prairie dog populations, habitat loss, fur trade hunting, poisoning, oil and gas activities, inbreeding depression, and sylvatic plague. In fact, it was declared extinct in 1979. Until a residual population was discovered in 1981 in Meeteetsee, Wyoming.  Thanks to a captive program launched by the US Fish and Wildlife Service, it was successfully reintroduced into 8 US states, Canada and Mexico from 1991 to 2009. As of 2015, over 200 individuals are in the wild across 18 populations, with 4 self-sustaining populations in Wyoming, South Dakota, and Arizona.

Trivia: Used by Native Americans for religious rites and food. In 2021, scientists successfully introduced the animal’s first successful clone to the public, a female named Elizabeth Ann. Was once used to test the Covid 19 vaccine.

Other Candidates: White-Tailed Prairie Dog, American Pika, Pine Marten, Red Fox, and Yellow-Bellied Marmot.

The United States of Cuteness: Part 4 – New Mexico to South Carolina

While many of the entries feature the cute little creatures that we all know and love. Some may be of animals you may not have ever heard or seen. Maybe not even considered as cute. The ringtail isn’t much well known outside its western region, but it’s certainly an adorable creature that’s described as catlike but resembles a cross between a ring-tailed lemur and a small dog. While the American Kestrel is a colorful little falcon the size of a sparrow that you can’t resist if you see it up close. In this post, we’ll see ten more adorable little animals. You’ll meet a curly tailed creature with a keen nose in New Mexico, a little dumpster diving fiend in New York, a favorite marine mammal in North Carolina, a spiky little guy who just wants to be left alone in North Dakota, some birds in Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, and South Carolina, and a delightful loiterer in Rhode Island.

31. New Mexico

White-Nosed Coati (Nasua narica)

Why the Cutest: It’s a charming long-nosed relative of the raccoon known for its ringed tail and playful curiosity. Its long, twitchy nose can turn in almost any direction as it sniffs out food. It holds its long, ringed tail in the air like a fuzzy antenna. While females and their young travel in groups, clattering and exploring. Pups are remarkably playful, energetic, curious, and resemble a charming mix of raccoon and monkey. Yet, although you may want one, know that it’s highly intelligent, wild, and become extremely destructive or challenging as an adult. Nonetheless, looking at them, it’s no wonder it’s seen as Mexico’s answer to the raccoon.

Lifespan: Usually live as long as 7 years in the wild but can live as many as 14 in captivity. Predators include male coatis, snakes, foxes, jaguars, jaguarundis, and domestic dogs.

Location and Habitat: Lives in the American Southwest, Central America, and parts of South America. Inhabits wooded areas in tropical and subtropical dry broadleaf forests at elevations ranging from sea level to 9,800ft.

Diet: Eats lizards, rodents, fruits, carrion, insects, snakes and eggs.

Behavior: Adult males live solitary lives except during mating season. While adult females and their young live in family groups called bands with males getting kicked out when they hit 2. A single band could have as many as 20-30 members. A single male often mates with females within a single band, which usually takes place between January and March. Pregnant females separate from the band to build their nests on a tree or a rocky niche. Females produce 3-7 young per litter and rejoin the group once their young reach 6 weeks old. Mostly forages on the ground but can climb trees. Is diurnal. Can be a fierce fighter when threatened with its strong jaws, sharp canine teeth, fast scratching paws, and a thick hide sturdily attached to its muscles.

Conservation Status: Listed as Least Concern but considered endangered in New Mexico, likely due to habitat loss and hunting. Sometimes kept as a pet but is difficult to train, needs a vast enclosure, and must be watched at all times.

Trivia: Known pollinator of the balsa tree. Can communicate through chirping, snorting, or grunting sounds as well as uses simple postures and facial expressions to convey messages. Uses its tail for balancing. Has an acute sense of smell.

Other Candidates: Ringtail, Kit Fox, Elf Owl, American Pika, Greater Roadrunner, and Albert’s Squirrel.

32. New York

Raccoon (Procyon lotor)

Why the Cutest: Being the state that hosts New York City, what can be a better representative in the United States of Cuteness than an animal fondly remembered as a trash panda? As no showcase of cute American animals would ever be complete without it. Has human-like hands, a sneaky black facemask that makes it resemble a little bandit, and round baby-like features like big eyes and rounded faces. All these trigger our care instincts, making us see it as playful and friendly. While its slow, heavy walk and curious posture looks funny and sweet. It’s so adorable that far too many people can’t help but feed it despite that they certainly shouldn’t. Still, if a raccoon can make it in New York City, then it could make it anywhere.

Lifespan: Usually live 1-3 years in the wild and can live up to 20 years in captivity. Causes of death are traffic volume, hunting, weather severity, starvation, and disease. Predators include bobcats, coyotes, great horned owls, black bears, cougars, wolves, eagles, alligators, lynxes, and jaguars. Prone to diseases like distemper, rabies, tetanus, leptospirosis, listeriosis, tularemia, roundworm and others.

Location and Habitat: Lives in North and Central America from southern Canada to Panama. Inhabits sparsely wooded areas, lowland and deciduous forests with water and marshes, mountain ranges, prairies, coastal marshes, parks, suburbs, farms, and cities.

Diet: Eats insects, worms, crayfish, fish, eggs, fruits, birds, small mammals, nuts, seeds, and leftovers in municipal waste containers. Prefers to eat what it can easily get. Known to raid egg nests so much that it’s often removed from the areas. When food is abundant, it can develop strong preferences for certain foods.

Behavior: Although believed to be solitary, it’s now said to engage in sex-specific social behaviors. Females live in a “fission-fusion society,” sharing a common area and occasionally meeting at feeding and resting grounds. Unrelated males form loose social groups to maintain their position against foreign males during the mating season, which usually consists of no more than 4 individuals. Since some males may be aggressive to unrelated kits, mothers will isolate themselves from other raccoons until the kits are able to defend themselves. Although it’s said that 10-15% of them would do exactly the opposite of what’s expected. Is usually nocturnal but is sometimes active during the day to take advantage of available food sources. Mating season spans from late January to June. Males roam their home ranges in search of females with encounters happening at central meeting places. Every member of the male group usually mates and it’s said that 1/3 of females mate with more than one male. Females produce 2-5 young per litter. Males play no part in raising young. Females stay at their mother’s home range while males move at least 12 miles away in the fall. Though juveniles may share a den with their mothers during their first winter in colder areas. Prefers to shelter in tree hollows in old oaks and other trees but will use burrows dug by other animals, dense undergrowth, or tree crotches. In suburban and urban settings, it can sleep in nearby forests after foraging in settlement area. Can sleep in old hollow trees in gardens as well as cottages, garages, abandoned houses, and attics.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern. Considered invasive in Germany, Japan, and the former Soviet Union. Although it was hunted during the fur trade. Unlike most of the animals in this series, its population in the US has greatly increased that there were 15-20 times more raccoons in the 1980s than there were in the 1930s when it was comparatively rare. Some are even kept as pets but are seen more unruly and less trustworthy than skunks. Though some of its subspecies are considered as endangered while others are almost certainly anything but. In fact, it’s often seen as a pest in many areas that’s said to overturn trash cans, raided fruit trees, crop damage, property destruction, and raiding poultry houses.

Trivia: Has 22 subspecies. Has hyper-sensitive front paws. Said to be colorblind but good at seeing green light and can see well at night. Said to be smarter than foxes. Can remember solutions to tasks for at least 3 years. May actually not have existed beyond the easter US, the Gulf of Mexico, and the Great Lakes since it’s not mentioned by early pioneers exploring the central or north central parts of the US, suggesting that it may have taken over the lower 48 after the American Civil War. Yet its presence in Indian mythology and petroglyphs suggest a wide geographic range before white settlers arrived.

Other Candidates: Black-Capped Chickadee, Eastern Chipmunk, Eastern Cottontail, Virginia Opossum, Eastern Bluebird, American Beaver, North American Otter, and Eastern Gray Squirrel.

33. North Carolina

Atlantic Bottlenose Dolphin (Tursiops truncatus)

Why the Cutest: Given that North Carolina is home to the beaches like the Outer Banks, you can’t go wrong by its cuteness representative being the Atlantic Bottlenose Dolphin. Since you can see it off its coastline all year long. It’s a playful, highly intelligent marine mammal known for its curved mouth that makes it appear like it’s always smiling. Its short, stubby snout and jawline creates a natural, friendly expression. Calves love riding on their mothers’ wake, leap out of the water, and play with sea vegetation like sargassum seaweed. Lives in tight groups called pods, often showing affectionate behaviors like rubbing against each other and communicating with clicks and whistles.

Lifespan: Usually live 40 years in the wild, sometimes even to 60. Can live 51 years in captivity. Predators include sharks, sting rays, and orcas.

Location and Habitat: Lives in the Atlantic, Pacific, and Indian Oceans. Inhabit temperate, subtropical, and tropical waters.

Diet: Eats eels, squid, shrimp, and a wide variety of fish depending on location.

Behavior: Can breed throughout the year and is polygamous. Males form alliances and pair bonds to seek a estrus female then attempt to breed the most while keeping the other males away from the viable females. Sometimes separating the female from her own range.  Females bear a single calf every 3-6 years with a year-long gestation period. Lives in groups called pods that usually number about 15 but can vary from pairs to over 100 or even 1,000. Group structure depends on sex and age but may change depending on the group. Types of groups include nursery groups, juvenile groups, and groups of adult males. Male dolphins form pair bonds which tend to be the strongest. Females stay in their groups for most of their lives. Most social with group after eating which is usually afternoon or evening where it’s often seen engaging interactions such as play, vocalizations, and cooperative swimming behaviors. Grabs each other with their teeth in fights that can leave rake marks on their dorsal fins that many scientists use to identify them. Doesn’t chew its food but swallows it whole. Can hunt individually or within a pod, mainly through echolocation. Eats 10-20% of its body weight every day.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern but still has suffered from whaling, dolphin hunting, pollution, and climate change.

Trivia: Has 10 subspecies. Has longest social memory of any non-human species. Popular in aquarium shows, TV shows, and movies. Has been trained by military to locate sea mines or detect and mark enemy divers like in the US Navy Marine Mammal Program. Sometimes cooperates with fishermen by driving fish toward them and eating whatever fish escape their nets. Use blowholes and nasal sacs to communicate through whistles, squeaks, and pulses vocalizations as well as gestures, postures, and physical contact. All used to convey information, reinforce social bonds, and coordinate group activities. Uses echolocation with high and low frequency sounds in order to locate prey. Can migrate up to 4,200 miles in a season.

Other Candidates: Carolina Chickadee, Eastern Chipmunk, Eastern Cottontail, Gray Fox, Virginia Opossum, Carolina Wren, and Eastern Bluebird.

34. North Dakota

North American Porcupine (Erethizon dorsatum)

Why the Cutest: With its waddling walk, expressive face, and chatty eating habits, the Northern Porcupine is a surprisingly adorable rodent that’s so much more than it seems on the surface. Sure it can make funny noises while munching on stuff. But despite being a slow-moving and chill waddler, it’s a highly intelligent survivor with massive “FAFO” energy when it comes to predatory defense. Should it survive a predatory attack, its spiky quills will make its adversary regret it for a very long time. Yet, it’s those very quills that allow it to live a long solitary life as a vegetarian minding its own business.

Lifespan: Can typically live up to 30 years in the wild if lucky. Causes of death are motor vehicles, predation, starvation, and falling out of trees. Predators include fishers, wolverines, coyotes, black bears, cougars, golden eagles, and great horned owls.

Location and Habitat: Lives throughout North America from Alaska to as south as Northern Mexico. In the US it primarily lives in New England and the West. Primarily resides in coniferous or mixed forests but could adapt to harsh environments, shrublands, and tundra.

Diet: Eats twigs, roots, stems, fruits, conifer needles, tree bark, and other vegetation. Loves salt and have been known for trying to eat road salt-covered boots left outside tents as well as sweat-soaked gloves and wooden tool handles.

Behavior: Make dens in hollow trees or rocky areas. Rests in trees in the summer. Is nocturnal. Doesn’t hibernate but sleeps in and stays close to its den during the winter. Lives a solitary life save when it’s a mother raising her young. During breeding season in the fall, females secrete a mucus and urine scent to attract nearby males to climb her tree. If another male approaches, the two fight for mating rights. Once one male succeeds, the female climbs down and they mate on the ground. Females often produce a single offspring and provides all the parental care. Porcupette leaves its mother the following fall.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern and widely considered as a pest. Though some subspecies are seen as endangered and in need of conservation like in Maryland and Mexico.

Trivia: Has 7 subspecies. Second-largest rodent in North America. Has about 30,000 quills covering its body except its face, underbelly, and feet. These are modified hairs formed into sharp, barbed hollow spines. Although primarily used for defense, it also serves to insulate its body during the winter and for swimming. Is near-sighted and slow-moving but has excellent hearing. Said to have an extraordinary ability to learn complex mazes and to remember them for at least 100 days. Also has a strong odor to warn away predators as well as display a white stripe down its back and make a cackling sound before it swings its tail to the attacker’s face. Quills can easily penetrate skin while their microscopic barbs make them difficult to remove, giving a predator a rather unfortunate moment that it will never forget. Quills used by Native Americans for basket and clothing decorations.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, Stoat, Piping Plover, Black-Tailed Prairie Dog, Thirteen-Lined Ground Squirrel, Red Fox, Black-Capped Chickadee, Eastern Goldfinch, Mountain Bluebird, Raccoon, Black-Footed Ferret, and American Beaver.

35. Ohio

Northern Parula (Setophaga americana)

Why the Cutest: It’s a tiny wood warbler known for bright colors, energetic movements, and big personality. The male has a gorgeous blue-gray back with a greenish yellow patch on the center along with a brilliant yellow throat and chest. Its cute eye crescents makes its eyes look large and bright. It also constantly flips, hops, and darts through tree canopies while foraging for insects. All of what makes one wonder why the Buckeye State won’t make it its own official state bird.

Lifespan: Longest recorded age in was 7 years. But since this bird is difficult to track in the wild and is usually not kept in captivity. Causes of death are predation and collision with manmade structures during migration season.

Location and Habitat: Breeds in southern Canada and the eastern US and winters in Central America and in the Caribbean. Primarily resides in forests and swamps, particularly those with high canopies, increased diversity, and good cover during breeding season. During the winter, it could live anywhere as long as it’s warm.

Diet: Mostly eats tree-dwelling invertebrates like spiders, grasshoppers, bugs, locusts, damselflies, aphids, beetles, flies, caterpillars, bees, wasps, and ants.

Behavior: Builds pendulum cup nests with moss, Spanish moss, or coniferous twigs, which can be suspended over water. Is mostly monogamous but incidents of polygamy have been reported. Mating season lasts from March to May. Females lay 3-7 eggs per clutch and can raise more than one brood of chicks per season.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern but population has suffered due to habitat loss and air pollution.

Trivia: Captures prey from vegetation using a hover-glean method but can use a variety of foraging methods.

Other Candidates: Raccoon, North American River Otter, Eastern Bluebird, and Red Fox.

36. Oklahoma

Northern Bobwhite (Colinus virginianus)

Why the Cutest: This is a small, round, charming bird is known for its chunky body, small head, and cheerful “bob-white” whistle. Its short round body and short tails give it a cute, compact look. Males sports a sharp black and white pattern on its head. While both sexes have brown, reddish, and buff camouflage. Outside the breeding season, it hangs out in cozy groups called coveys, often roosting and circling together. Then there’s the famous “bob-white” whistle.

Lifespan: Usually live 6 months to a year and can live up to 6 years in the wild. Said that 75-80% of the population dies or is replaced annually. Causes of death are predation, harsh winters, deep snow, and habitat loss. Predators include foxes, raccoons, skunks, opossums, bobcats, hawks, harriers, owls, snakes, and feral hogs.

Location and Habitat: Lives in the Eastern US to the Midwest down to the Caribbean and Mexico. Resides in agricultural fields, grassland, open wooded areas, roadsides, and wood edges.

Diet: Eats snails, ticks, grasshoppers, beetles, spiders, leafhoppers, berries, seeds, partridge peas, and cultivated grains.

Behavior: Is shy and elusive. Crouches and freezes when threatened, relying on camouflage to stay undetected. But flies low if closely disturbed. Is generally solitary and mates early in the year. Family groups are common in the summer. Winter roosts may have as many as 10-30 birds in a single covey. Practices ambisexual polygamy.  Females lay 8-25 eggs per clutch. Can brood through kidnapping, adopting, creching, and gang brooding. Nests on the ground in a small depression lined with grass and leaves with a cover.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Near Threatened due to habitat loss, hunting, changing farming practices, pesticides, and brush fires. Numbers have declined 85% from 1966 to 2014. Population decline is wide range and continuing. Thus, it’s become a high priority for conservation.

Trivia: Has 20 subspecies. Gets its name from its cheerful “bob-white” call.

Other Candidates: Black-Tailed Prairie Dog, North American River Otter, and Scissor-Tail Flycatcher.

37. Oregon

Spotted Towhee (Pipilo maculatus)

Why the Cutest: It’s a charming, plump songbird with striking colors, bright red eyes, and endearing hopping habits. Its bold, ruby-red eyes sharply stand out against its dark hood. Its sleek black or dark brown back is covered with cute white spots. Sports warm, rust-orange sides that resemble a soft vest next to a clean white belly. When searching for food in the dirt, it does a funny, double-footed backward hop kicking leaves like a tiny, feathery tractor. While it makes quirky, whiny, mewing sounds adding to its playful personality.

Lifespan: Can live up to 11 years in the wild. But usually lives a shorter life due to predation, weather, and disease. So it’s more likely 9-12 years. Predators include snakes and domestic cats.

Location and Habitat: Lives in the western part of North America from southern Canada to Mexico. Some migrate and some don’t. Resides primarily in dry upland forests, open forests, brushy fields, wetland and riparian forests, coastal sage scrub, chaparrals, and urban areas.

Diet: Eats insects, ground dwelling beetles, spiders, other arthropods in a leaf litter, acorns, oats, and berries. Will frequent bird feeders.

Behavior: Nests either on the ground or in low bushes and often in exposed areas. Nest is made from leaves, bark strips, twigs, forb stalks, and grasses as well as lined with pine needles, shredded bark, grass, and sometimes hair. Is monogamous. Females produce 3-5 eggs at least twice a breeding season. Nests are parasitized by cowbirds.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern.

Trivia: Has 21 subspecies.

Other Candidates: American Beaver, Sea Otter, American Pika, North American River Otter, Western Snowy Plover, Killdeer, Tree Swallow, Loggerhead Shrike, and Red Fox.

38. Pennsylvania

Cerulean Warbler (Setophaga cerulea)

Why the Cutest: This tiny, delicate songbird is a little puffball that many would never see in their backyards but wish they would. Since it’s an insectivore that lives in the treetops. The male is cerulean blue on top with dark streaks, white underparts, bold white wingbars, and a thin black “necklace” across the breasts. Kind of resembles something of a little blue jay. The female is soft blue-green with muted turquoise with a pale eyebrow and yellow wash below. Which by avian female beauty standards is rather stunning. Though you may be unable to see one very often, you might be able to hear its lively, buzzy, 3-part ascending song. But do bring your binoculars if you want to see one up close. In addition, it’s a intrepid traveler since it winters in South America every year, earning more frequent flier miles than many migratory birds in this series.

Lifespan: Typically lives 4-7 years in the wild. Predators include raccoons, squirrels, chipmunks, snakes, chipmunks, and blue jays. Susceptible to blood parasites.

Location and Habitat: Breeds in eastern North America from southern Canada to the US northeast and Great Lakes regions. Winters northern South America within Colombia and Venezuela. Resides primarily in large, unfragmented deciduous hardwood forests. Migrates 3,100 miles between its breeding and non-breeding ranges.

Diet: Primarily eats insects.

Behavior: Males use songs to mark territory and attract mates. Females rarely sing but call when nesting. Is monogamous but can engage in extra-pair copulation. So males engage in mate guarding during periods of foraging, nest building, and nest site selection. Females lay 3-5 eggs once a year. Nests and forages near treetop canopies. Nests in over an area where there’s an empty space for at least 3.3ft or more. Nest is made from tree bark, grasses, and lichens woven together using spider thread and caterpillar silk. Females can attack other females and destroy their nests. Male-on-male attacks can result one falling from heights at 66ft. Both parents build the nest and rear the chicks. Nests could be parasitized by brown-headed cowbirds. Can share space with mixed-species flocks.

Conservation Status: Listed as Near Threatened and is said to be the fastest declining neotropical migrant songbird and warbler species in the US. This is due to change in farming techniques, nest parasitism by the brown-headed cowbird, and deforestation. Has a high level of concern in Pennsylvania.

Trivia: Song is a buzzed, accelerating zray zray zray zray zeeee. Can imitate other birds’ songs.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, Eastern Bluebird, Eastern Cottontail, Eastern Chipmunk, Snowshoe Hare, Red-Backed Salamander, Groundhog, Raccoon, Northern Flying Squirrel, North American Beaver, and Virginia Opossum.

39. Rhode Island

Harbor Seal (Phoca vitulina)

Why the Cutest: No series of animal cuteness would be complete without including a seal given its clumsy waddling on land, relaxing resting positions on the coasts, and dog-like curiosity compelling it to playfully investigate divers and kayakers. Only problem is that while most seals and sea lions are irresistibly cute as pups, that’s not the case when they grow up. Still, this 6ft long and 285 sausage of blubber is a charming marine mammal with its large, soulful eyes, rounded head, and dog-like snout. And who can’t resist those seal pups? Helps that this pinniped is Rhode Island’s official state marine mammal, too.

Lifespan: Typically lives around 20-35 years.  Predators include killer whales and large sharks.

Location and Habitat: Lives along temperate and Arctic coastlines within the Northern Hemisphere. Resting sites could be rugged, rocky coasts or sandy beaches. Frequently congregate in harbors, bays, sandy intertidal zones, and estuaries. Swallows food whole.

Diet: Eats fish such as salmon, shad, menhaden, anchovy, herring, mackerel, hake, cod, whiting and flatfish. Also eats shrimp, crabs, octopus, squid, and ducks.

Behavior: Prefers frequent familiar resting sites but could spend several days at sea and travel as many as 50 km but normally doesn’t swim farther than 20 km offshore. Could swim up to a hundred miles up fresh water in large rivers in search of migratory fish like shad and salmon. Can dive as deep as 500 m. Is a solitary when on the water but gregarious when hauled out and during breeding season. Breeding season is usually from February to July. Mating system is unknown but is often thought to be polygamous. Courtship and mating occur underwater. It’s said that males gather together, turn on their backs, put their heads together, and call to attract females ready for breeding. Females give birth to a single pup each year on shore. Pups are well-developed as well as capable of swimming and diving within hours.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern. Although some local populations have been threatened due to distemper, conflicts with humans, commercial fishing, pollution, hunting, and climate change.

Trivia: Molts shortly after breeding. Uses non-harmonious vocalizations to maintain breeding territory, attract mates, and during mother and pup interactions.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, Red Fox, Eastern Chipmunk, New England Cottontail, and Eastern Cottontail.

40. South Carolina

Carolina Wren (Thryothorus ludovicianus)

Why the Cutest: For one, it’s South Carolina’s state bird. This is a tiny, energetic ball of fluff with a round, chubby body, a long curved bill, and a tail sticking straight up like a brown little teapot. Its plump body and perky, upright tail gives it a charming, humorous silhouette. Often acts very bold and curious, often hopping close to people or peeking into flowers and garage doors. Yet, despite being small, it sings a loud tea-kettle, tea-kettle song that sounds huge for its tiny size.

Lifespan: Can live as long as 6 years and 90% live less than a decade. Mortality peaks during winter. Susceptible to blowfly parasites and mercury poisoning. Predators include blue jays, domestic cats, timber rattlesnakes, black rat snakes, and raccoons.

Location and Habitat: Lives in eastern North America from southern Canada to coastal Mexico. Reside in a variety of habitats such as woodlands, riparian forests, brushy edges, swamps, overgrown farmland, suburban yards with abundant thick shrubs and trees, and parks. Has an affinity for unkempt yards and dilapidated buildings.

Diet: Eats beetles, bugs, grasshoppers, katydids, spiders, ants, bees, wasps, small lizards, tree frogs, fruit pulp, and seeds. Known to frequent bird feeders.

Behavior: Males sing year-round at any point during the daytime except during the harshest weather conditions. Repertoire consists of at least 20 different phrase patterns and on average 32. Song could be repeated 12 times but repetition is usually 2 or 3. Mate selection is determined by size an tail length in males and wing length in females. Song degradation is used to signal presence of a threat. Tail fanning and wing drooping could be courtship or antagonistic signaling. Moves in jerky hops pillaging through various objects, manmade or natural. When abruptly moving, it pauses for chatter or singing. When stationary, it moves in twitched motions. Can crawl and hang from trees upside down. Flights are generally short, rapid, low-level, and wavelike. Usually mates for life. Males are responsible for guarding territory. Though females can maintain one without a mate to varying success. Nests are arch-shaped with side entrance as well as built of dried plants, bark strips, horsehair, wool, string, and snake sloughs. Nests can be located in fragmented or complete tree cavities or in manmade structures like bird boxes, buildings, tin cans, mailboxes, pockets, hanging jackets in sheds, or tractors. Breeding season is from February to August. Females usually lay 3-6 eggs per clutch. Both parents participate in rearing the young.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as least concern but numbers have suffered due to cowbird parasitism,

Trivia: Has 10 subspecies. Is often wary and more likely to be heard than seen.

Other Candidates: Eastern Chipmunk, Eastern Cottontail, Marsh Rabbit, North American River Otter, Red Fox, Carolina Chickadee, Green Anole, Raccoon, and Striped Skunk.

The United States of Cuteness: Part 3 – Massachusetts to New Jersey

You may notice that many of these animals may be listed as Least Concern according by the IUCN Red List. But that doesn’t mean the species is necessarily okay as you’ll see in some of these other entries. IUCN designation is based on how well the species is doing globally. However, when it comes to how the species may be doing in the country, state, region, or locality, it may be a different picture. In this post, we’ll meet ten more animal cuties from these United States. You’ll meet a little birdie in Massachusetts, two little owls in Michigan and Nebraska, river animals in Minnesota and Mississippi, a feisty little falcon in Missouri, a chonky squirrel in Montana, a nightlife-loving creature in Nevada, a furry little murder machine in New Hampshire, and a tiny little turtle in New Jersey.

21. Massachusetts

Black-Capped Chickadee (Poecile atricapillus)

Why the Cutest: For one, it’s Massachusetts’ state bird (also the state bird for Maine but that state has puffins). Second, alongside the Eastern Bluebird, it’s one of the cutest birds you’d find in your own backyard. With its oversized black and white had and small gray, tan, and white body, this little ball of fluff is the whole package. First, it can fly energetic acrobatic stunts like hang upside down while searching for food. Second, it’s fearless and curious. Frequently investigates people and can be coaxed into eating seeds right out of an open hand. Lastly, it emits a cheerful, distinct chick-a-dee-dee call brings life to backyards all year round.

Lifespan: Predators include owls, hawks, shrikes, raccoons, squirrels, opossums, house wrens, and snakes. Can be susceptible to West Nile virus, blood parasites, and avian keratin disorder.

Location and Habitat: Lives in southern Canada and the northern US as south as northern New Mexico and the Carolinas. Is nonmigratory. Inhabited in wooded areas like coniferous and deciduous forests, urban parks, willow thickets, and suburban areas.

Diet: Eats insects (especially caterpillars) as well as berries, seeds, and carrion from dead mammals.

Behavior: Forms mating pairs during late fall and into the winter. Is largely monogamous but some males nest with multiple females and females prefer dominant males. Nests largely in tree cavities that a mating pair excavates themselves, occurs naturally, reuses one once belonging to a woodpecker, or make themselves at home in a nest box. Females only build the nest which can comprise of coarse material like moss or bark strips along with a lining of finer material such as mammal hair. Nesting season lasts through April to June where females lay an average of 6-8 eggs usually once a year. Though they’d rear a second brood if the first is lost. Females incubate. Males go out to feed her and himself. Both parents feed the chicks. Has a dominance hierarchy with males over females and older experienced birds over younger. Flock together during the winter to forage and cache for food, even with different species.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern and its numbers are said to be increasing. Yet, threats include pesticide, domestic cats, and flying into windows.

Trivia: Has 9 subspecies. When the nest is disturbed, the female would hiss like a snake. Can interbreed with the Carolina Chickadee, Mountain Chickadee, and Boreal Chickadee. Molts during the summer. Has a complex system of vocalization with 16 distinct types used to convey an array of information.

Other Candidates: Harbor Seal, Striped Skunk, Eastern Chipmunk, New England Cottontail, Red Fox, and Viriginia Opossum.

22. Michigan

Northern Saw-Whet Owl (Aegolius acadicus)

Why the Cutest: This little guy lives in Michigan all year long and is the size of a robin. Its bright cartoon-like yellow eyes and soft facial discs on its oversized round head give it a perpetually startled and curious look. Its heavily, feathered legs make it resemble tiny, round balls of fluff. Often makes a tooting whistle sound. In fact, many see it as the cutest owl ever.

Lifespan: Typically lives 3-7 years in the wild with 4-5 years on average. But can live up to 16-17 years in captivity. Predators include martens, corvids, larger owls, and hawks.

Location and Habitat: Typically lives in North America with range stretching from southern Alaska to central Mexico. Prefers to reside in coniferous forests (ideally near wetlands during the breeding season) but can also be seen in mixed or deciduous woods.  Some are permanent residents. Some migrate down south or move to lower ground during the winter.

Diet: Mainly eats small animals with a strong focus on mammals such as mice, voles, shrews, squirrels, chipmunks, flying squirrels, moles, and bats. But will also eat sparrows, swallows, kinglets, chickadees, rock doves, frogs, crustaceans, and insects.

Behavior: Mate in pairs for the breeding season. Males sing from the nest site and cache food in them to attracts a female. Females laying 4-6 eggs in natural tree cavities or woodpecker holes. If it can’t find one due to competition from other woodland creatures, it would happily settle in a man-made nest box. Male does hunting while the female incubates her eggs. Females can have more than one clutch of eggs with different males. Once the offspring developed their feathers, the mother often leaves the father to finish the job while she finds another male to reproduce with in a practice known as sequential polyandry. Like most owls, it’s nocturnal. During the day, it’s completely still against the tree trunk, blending in to avoid notice.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern although climate change and habitat loss have led it to seek breeding areas further north with populations decreasing.

Trivia: Get its name due to some claiming its vocalizations sound like a saw being sharpened on a whetstone. Yet, has at least 11 different calls. Has excellent hearing and exceptional vision in low light. In fact, it can hunt in complete darkness on sound alone. Has comb-like wing edges allowing it to swoop down on prey completely undetected.

Other Candidates: North American Otter, Northern Flying Squirrel, Red Fox, and Eastern Chipmunk.

23. Minnesota

North American Beaver (Castor canadensis)

Why the Cutest: With a myriad of trees, lakes, wetlands, and rivers, Minnesota’s basically a beaver’s paradise. Its chunky body, expressive dark eyes, round faces with small ears and prominent teeth, tiny front paws, and wide flat tail compel many to consider it a highly adorable animal. Its kits also make high-pitched human like fussing sounds and playful noises while eating as well. They even engage in cute wrestling, carry sticks and groom each other. Helps that it builds things like lodges, dams, and canals as well as mates for life and takes care of its family and neighbors. The North American Beaver is the perfect cute animal to embody Minnesota for its landscape and its Midwest hospitality. Although it’s not without controversy since Oregon and New York have it as their state mammal. While Minnesota’s known as the Gopher State.

Lifespan: Usually lives up to 10-12 years in the wild, though some exceptional individuals have lived up to 20 years. Can also live 20-30 years in captivity. Predators include coyotes, wolves, mountain lions, black bears, wolverines, Canada lynxes, bobcats, foxes, golden eagles, and bald eagles.

Location and Habitat: Lives in Canada and most of the United States. Can reside in any wild space from southern Alaskan tundra to northern Mexican deserts. But it largely prefers a wild  forest with a water source that’s largely undisturbed by humans.

Diet: Is an herbivorous generalist that eats a mix of herbaceous and woody plants. Feeds on bark, cambium, branches, twigs, roots, buds, leaves, stems, sprouts, and even sap and storax. Aspens and poplars are preferred but will go for birch, maple, alder, black cherry, red oak, beech, ash, hornbeam, pine, sweetgum, and spruce. Also eats cattails, water lilies, and other aquatic vegetation.

Behavior: Is nocturnal. Breeding season lasts from December to May but peaks in January. Pairs are monogamous and stay together for multiple breeding seasons, if not for life. Females can have 3-6 kits per litter but usually 4-5 and make a soft bed in the lodge before the birth. Kits stay with family for 2 years before leaving to create their own homes. While both parents and adolescent siblings share responsibility in rearing the young kits. Uses flat, scaly tail to signal danger by slapping and as a location for fat storage. Builds its lodge out of sticks, twigs, rocks, and mud in lakes, streams, and tidal river deltas, which may be surrounded by water or if touching land, include burrows dug into the river banks. Also builds dams across streams as well as its lodge on the ponds the dam forms. When building a pond, it makes a stick pile and eats out one or more underwater entrances and 2 platforms above the water surface inside the pile. The first is used for drying off. Towards winter, it applies mud plaster which, when it freezes, has the same consistency as concrete. Dam is built by trees the beaver cut down along with rocks, grass, and mud. Cuts trees with strong incisor teeth and uses feet for digging, carrying, and placing materials. Builds canals by using forelimbs to push through soil and vegetation.

Conservation Status: Although listed as Least Concern, its numbers are nothing like the used to be thanks to the fur trade whose pelts were particularly prized for making hats and later led to the French and Indian War as well as habitat loss due to deforestation and development and climate change. Nonetheless, thanks to protection measures during the late 19th and early 20th centuries, its numbers have recovered to 10-15 million but its not like the 100-200 million during colonial days. Can also be seen as pests when its ecological engineering poses risks to human structures and crop land. While it is considered invasive in South America and Europe where it was introduced for its fur.

Trivia: Is the national symbol of Canada. Has 25 subspecies. Largest rodent in North America. Communicate through scent marking, vocalization, and tail slapping. Is an excellent swimmer and may remain submerged for 15 minutes. Beaver ponds provide habitats for waterfowl, fish, and other aquatic animals as well as reduce soil erosion and help control flooding. But dams depend on a beaver’s continued presence and maintenance. Is considered a keystone species due to increasing biodiversity in its territory through creating ponds and wetlands. When wetlands form and riparian habitats expand, aquatic plants quickly colonize the watery habitat as animal diversity’s also expanded. Could expand lodges to accommodate other wildlife in its own rooms during the winter months.

Other Candidates: Pocket Gopher, North American River Otter, Least Weasel, Ermine, Pine Marten, Eastern Chipmunk, Thirteen-Lined Ground Squirrel, and Red Fox.

24. Mississippi

North American River Otter (Lontra canadensis)

Why the Cutest: Given that Mississippi borders the river that bears its name, it’s a state that’s filled with rivers, streams, and swamps with a little bit of coastline. Mississippi State even has a website called Otter Spotter where people in the state could report otter sightings. With its curious eyes, small ears, long whiskers, little nose, long sausage body, and playful nature, it’s among the cutest animals in most states. In fact, its an animal that loves to play such as wrestle, slide on mud, chase others, and splash in the water.

Lifespan: Usually live 8-9 years in the wild, sometimes 12-13. Well, once it survives its first year and more than half of them typically don’t. Can also live 21-25 years in captivity. Predators include American alligator, American crocodile, killer whale, bobcat, cougar, coyote, domestic dog, wolf, American black bear, bald eagle, red fox, grizzly bear, and polar bear.

Location and Habitat: Lives throughout North America save the American southwest. Resides in a variety of aquatic habitats whether it be freshwater, coastal, or marine. Whether it be rivers, lakes, inland wetlands, coastal shorelines, marshes, and estuaries. Can tolerate a great range of elevation and temperatures. As long as its near a watershed and provides a steady food supply, it could live pretty much anywhere. But prefers such areas with rocks, vegetation, and sufficient cover.

Diet: Mostly eats fish and crustaceans but can also consume frogs, turtles, insects, birds, and some small mammals. So it basically has a rather well-rounded carnivorous diet.

Behavior: Known to be social but could survive on its own. Can hunt in pairs or alone. Loves to play with others, which creates social bonds, improves hunting skills, and marks territory. Not aggressively territorial but frequently scent-marks certain spots to make its presence known.

Conservation Status: Although currently listed as Least Concern, its populations have greatly suffered due to the fur trade, climate change, habitat loss, and pollution. Although clean water regulations, furbearer management techniques, and reintroduction projects have reestablish populations throughout the country save the southwest. Lives in a holt or den often once constructed by other animals or in natural hollows. Den typically has one entrance leading to a nest chamber lined with leaves, grass, moss, bark, and hair. Females can give birth to 1-3 pups, sometimes as many as 5. Mothers raise their young without any male assistance. Although a pup may leave the den at 2 months old, it often stays with its family, which sometimes includes a father, until the following spring.

Trivia: Can effectively avoid predators since it can dive, burrow, twist, and turn its body for evasive attacks, allowing it survive attacks. Dense coat keeps it warm and dry in freezing temperatures.

Other Candidates: Mississippi Map Turtle, Southern Flying Squirrel, Red Fox, Eastern Cottontail, and Least Shrew.

25. Missouri

American Kestrel (Falco sparverius)

Why the Cutest: A falcon often the size of a blue jay, it’s one of the most underrated American animals and should receive way more attention than it actually receives. This pocket-sized raptor is a colorful bird with an expressive face, large dark eyes, quirky habits such as bobbing its head and tail while perched, and fierce hunting prowess. The American Kestrel may be tiny but it’s a mighty little hunter that will greatly endear you and should at least receive its own nature documentary so millions can get to know and fall in love with it. Especially when it makes its “killy-killy-killy” call whenever territorial or excited. A remarkable, highly adaptable, and often overlooked bird of prey that deserves its day to shine in the spotlight.

Lifespan: Typically lives less 1-5 years in the wild with the oldest recorded age being 11. Can live 14-17 years in captivity. Predators include large snakes, domestic cats, domestic dogs, bigger birds of prey, foxes, bobcats, cougars, bears, and more.

Location and Habitat: Lives in the Americas from Alaska to Argentina save the Amazon Rainforest and parts of Chile. Some migrate. Some do not. Resides in a wide variety of habitats including grasslands, meadows, and deserts as well as other open or semi-open areas. As long as it includes perches, open hunting spaces, and nesting cavities. Can live in very diverse conditions from frozen Arctic tundra and high mountain elevations to tropical rainforests, arid deserts, and beaches. Can even live in urban and suburban areas as well.

Diet: Mainly eats small animals like grasshoppers, crickets, butterflies, moths, dragonflies, beetles, lizards, mice, voles, shrews, frogs, small birds, scorpions, snakes, and bats.

Behavior: Often mate for life while migratory kestrels often use previous nesting sites for consecutive years. Males perform elaborate dive displays to advertise their territory and attract a mate. This consists of several climbs and dives with 3-4 “klee” calls at their peaks. Nests in cavities but can adapt to a wide variety of nesting situations. Prefer natural cavities with closed tops and tight-fitting entrances that provide maximum egg and young protection. Can nest in large woodpecker holes or use abandoned nests built by other birds. Also commonly utilize nesting boxes. Females can lay around 3-7 eggs per clutch (but usually 4-5). Older kestrel pairs often produce more offspring than younger couples.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern but have suffered greatly due to environmental stress from human development, use of agricultural chemicals and toxic run-off, pollution, climate change, and habitat loss. And while it’s the most abundant falcon in North America with 9.2 million recorded adults, it has experienced gradual but sustained declines in recent decades, especially in certain regions. But conservation efforts do exist such as the Peregrine Fund’s American Kestrel Partnership that was launched in 2012. This partnership develops and maintains a web-based network for citizen and professional scientists to enter, manage, and consolidate data from kestrel nest box monitoring programs within the Western Hemisphere. Nonetheless, it’s a bird that you likely saw in the wild at least once in your life although you may not remember it or what it exactly was when you saw it.

Trivia: Has 17 subspecies. Only kestrel in the Americas. Have been used in falconry and extensive toxicology research. Although falconers must know that despite being a beginner bird, it’s not easy to train. While hunting, it carefully chooses its battles to conserve energy and will move if its chance of prey success significantly declines. Preferred hunting method is perching and waiting for the food to come to them but can also hunt by kiting, which is the standard hovering in the air while scanning for prey. Bobs head and tail before making a strike.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, Southern Flying Squirrel, Eastern Gray Squirrel, Virginia Opossum, Eastern Bluebird, and Red Fox.

26. Montana

Yellow-Bellied Marmot (Marmota flaviventer)

Why the Cutest: Sure, it’s not as adorable as the pygmy rabbit or the American Pika. But this Rocky Mountain critter is a chubby, alpine rodent known by names like “rock chuck” or “whistle pig” due to its loud whistling sounds to warn others of danger. Yet, at the same time, this big chonky ground squirrel loves the easy life of chomping on plants, sunning on boulders, and spending up to 8 months sleeping in its underground burrow. While young marmot pups are often very playful, often tumbling, nuzzling, and chasing each other around rock burrows.

Lifespan: Usually live up to 15 years, which is unusually high for an animal its size. That is if it’s lucky enough to survive its first year, which only half do. Predators include foxes, coyotes, wolves, and eagles.

Location and Habitat: Lives in the semi-arid and mountainous areas of the Rocky Mountains, Sierra Nevada, and Great Basin, usually at elevations above 6,500ft. Inhabits steppes, meadows, talus fields, valleys, foothills, as well as the edges of coniferous and deciduous forests. Can be found as low as 5,400-14,000ft in elevation.

Diet: Omnivorous but mainly eats a plant-based diet of grass, greens, leaves, flowers, legumes, forbs, bird eggs, and insects. Favorite flowers are larkspur, lupine, columbine, cinquefoil, dandelion, and cow parsnip. Also enjoys clover and alfalfa.

Behavior: Typically digs burrows under rocks on slopes of hills, mountains, and cliffs but will burrow underneath trees and buildings. When seeing a predator, it whistles to warn others in its vicinity. Only to afterwards hide in a rock pile until the threat has passed. Is Diurnal. Spends 80% of its life in its burrow, 60% of which is spent in hibernation. Despite hibernating during the winter, it doesn’t store food in a cache. Spends much of the active season accumulating enough fat to survive the winter hibernation. Can live alone, in pairs, or in colonies. Males dig burrows soon after waking from hibernation before finding females to reproduce with. Can have up to 4 female mates by the summer but often has 2-3. Females mate once a year during a 2-week breeding season in the spring. Females produce litters of 3-5 offspring. Colonies comprise of 1 or more harems. Female offspring typically stay in an area around their home. Male offspring leave as yearlings to start their own harems. Is a highly social animal with visiting other burrows, greeting fellow colony members and play-fighting. Communicate to each other through high-pitched whistles. Daily activities include daily grooming, sunning, feeding, digging, and residing in burrow.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern although living at high elevations may make it vulnerable to the effects of climate change. Increasing temperatures have shifted marmot behavior causing hibernation to end sooner and breeding season to start likewise. This has resulted in a longer growing season contributing to an increase body mass and population growth.

Trivia: May climb trees to get food but is largely terrestrial.

Other Candidates: Black-Tailed Prairie Dog, North American River Otter, Pygmy Rabbit, Black-Footed Ferret, American Pika, Ermine, North American Beaver, Black-Capped Chickadee, and Mountain Bluebird.

27. Nebraska

Burrowing Owl (Athene cunicularia)

Why the Cutest: With its small size, big yellow eyes, excessive head-bobbing, and habit of living in underground holes, it’s a widely loved bird known to be exceptionally adorable. Its big, wide eyes and bright wide eyebrows make it appear very curious. It bobs its head while watching things or feeling nervous. Since Nebraska is a state of farms and grasslands, the Burrowing Owl is its perfect representation of cuteness.

Lifespan: Can live at least 9 years in the wild and over 10 in captivity. Often killed by vehicular traffic. Predators include badgers, coyotes, snakes, and feral and domestic cats and dogs.

Location and Habitat: Lives as north as Canada and as south as South America. Yet its North American population usually inhabits the Great Plains and Western regions. North American population is mainly migratory that winters in Central America. South American population is not. Often inhabited in rangelands, grasslands, agricultural areas or any open, dry area with low vegetation. It may even nest in golf courses, airports, roadsides, or near farms, homes, and well-maintained irrigation canals. But it can live almost anywhere except high mountain areas, tundra, or dense tropical rainforest.

Diet: Eats large insects, small mammals, bats, birds, reptiles, amphibians, worms, fruits, spiders, and seeds.

Behavior: Despite its name, it’s actually a squatter that frequently nests and roosts in burrows made by other animals, most commonly ground squirrels, foxes, and badgers. But may dig its own if one is unavailable or settle in man-made structures with easy access to the surface. When threatened, it retreats to the burrow and produces a rattling, hissing sounds similar to a rattlesnake. Nesting season is from March to April. Usually monogamous but a male may have occasionally 2 mates. Females usually lay 4-12 eggs per clutch (but usually 9). Both parents raise the chicks. Sometimes nests in loose colonies or nest on the same sites for years. Lines its nest with a wide variety of materials with the most common being animal dung, usually of the cattle variety. Will perch until it spots prey before swooping down or flying up. Sometimes even chase food on the ground. Unlike most owls, it’s active during the day but has night vision and can hunt during around dawn and dusk.

Conservation Status: Although it’s listed as Least Concern, it’s still seen as threatened or endangered in various locations such as Canada, Mexico, South America, Colorado, California, and Florida. This is mainly due to habitat loss, prairie dog control programs, passive relocations, and declines in animal populations that it depends upon. Although it has adapted to living within urban environments.

Trivia: Has 18 subspecies, 2 of which are now extinct. Has longer legs than other owls, allowing it to sprint when pursuing prey. Can actually fly but is often airborne in short bursts such as when fleeing predators and normally doesn’t fly very high off the ground. Bobs head to judge distances.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, Black-Tailed Prairie Dog, Red Fox, Eastern Cottontail, and North American Porcupine.

28. Nevada

Ringtail (Bassariscus astutus)

Why the Cutest: It’s a cat-sized desert critter who loves the nightlife, making a perfect cuteness representation for Nevada. Although nightlife for this cutie is very different from a night on the Las Vegas Strip. Its big, round expressive eyes circled by white fur gives it a perpetually curious look. Add that with its long, fluffy tail and large, cupped ears, it resembles something between a ring-tailed lemur and a small toy dog. Even though it’s been described as cat-like. And yet, despite its cuteness, it’s an animal many have never really heard of, which is kind of a shame.

Lifespan: Usually lives 7 years in the wild and can live 14-16 in captivity. Causes of death are predators, disease, and environmental stress. Predators include foxes, bobcats, coyotes, raccoons, hawks, owls, coatis, lynxes, and cougars.

Location and Habitat: Lives in the American Southwest and Mexico. Commonly found in rocky, desert habitats associated with water like riparian canyons, caves, or abandoned mine shafts.

Diet: Eats birds, mice, rats, squirrels, rabbits, snakes, lizards, frogs, toads, insects, berries, seeds, and carrion. So it basically can eat almost anything.

Behavior: Primarily nocturnal. Lives a solitary adult life, only coming together to mate in early spring. Yet, could share a den and actively groom one another. Female produces 2-4 offspring per litter.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern but has been hunted for its pelts in the past. Nonetheless, it’s protected in both California and Oregon.

Trivia: Has flexible ankle joints that could rotate over 180 degrees, making it an agile climber. Long tail provides balance for negotiating narrow ledges and limbs, even allowing it to reverse directions by doing a cartwheel. It can climb narrow passages by stemming (which is pressing all its feet on one wall and back against the other or pressing both right feet on one wall and both left feet on the other). Can navigate wider cracks by ricocheting between walls. Has short, straight, and semi-retractable claws well suited for climbing. Ringed tail could be as long as its body. Large eyes and upright ears make it easier for nighttime navigation. Rings are used to distract predators. Can produce a variety of sounds and uses fecal marking as an intraspecific communication method. Can survive long periods on water without food. Can be tamed by humans and was once used by settlers and miners to keep cabins free from vermin. State mammal of Arizona.

Other Candidates: Kit Fox, American Badger, Pygmy Rabbit, and White-Tailed Antelope Squirrel.

29. New Hampshire

Stoat (Mustela erminea)

Why the Cutest: It’s a tiny, energetic mammal with an adorable face, playful antics, high speeds, and surprising ferocity that it’s hardly surprising that it has become a mascot of a Winter Olympics. Yet, this beady-eyed stuffed animal is an opportunistic and deadly predator that can kill animals much larger than itself. When excited or trying to confuse its prey, it performs a rapid and twisting dance with leaps and hops. That we must be lucky that its major weapon against us is undeniable cuteness capturing our hearts. Makes one wonder why they’d hunt this little guy for furs. Still, this is an animal that runs on pure killer rabbit energy. Hopelessly adorable but actually deadly to anything rabbit-sized or smaller.

Lifespan: Typically lives 4-6 years in the wild. Predators include foxes, sables, birds of prey, and gray herons. Can be susceptible to tuberculosis, mange, canine distemper, ticks, fleas, and worms.

Location and Habitat: Lives throughout most of the Northern Hemisphere in North America, Europe, and Asia. In North America, it can be found as south as the Great Basin. Resides in a wide range of habitats frozen tundra, high mountains, temperate forests, and grasslands.

Diet: Mostly eats small mammals such as rodents. But can also eat small birds, amphibians, lizards, insects, and lemmings.

Behavior: Breeding season is in April to July. It isn’t monogamous and littermates can have mixed paternity. Females can produce a litter of up to 12 kits but probably have less than that per year. Males play no part in upbringing. Mark territories with urine and feces. Uses burrows and nest chambers of rodents it kills and used the prey furs to line it. Can also inhabit old and rotting stumps, under tree roots, brushwood heaps, haystacks, bog hammocks, cracks of vacant mud buildings, rock piles, rock clefts, and even magpie nests. Is a very opportunistic predator that rapidly moves while checking every nook and cranny for available food. Can climb trees to get birds’ nests and commonly raid nest boxes. Can immobilize larger prey like rabbits with a bite to the neck. Caches leftovers. Is usually a silent animal but can produce a range of sounds such as chirping, hissing, trilling, whining, and squealing.

Conservation Status: Listed as Least Concern. Although it has been hunted for its fur for centuries. While it’s seen as an invasive species in New Zealand and threat to native bird populations.

Trivia: Has 21 subspecies. Has anal scent glands that gives a secretion deposited through body rubbing and emits a distinct odor. Molts twice a year and some adopt a white coat during the winter. Can take down prey much larger than itself. Is considered a good climber, runner, and swimmer.

Other Candidates: Red Fox, New England Cottontail, Black-Capped Chickadee, American Mink, Harbor Seal, American Marten, and New England Cottontail.

30. New Jersey

Bog Turtle (Glyptemys muhlenbergii)

Why the Cutest: It’s the smallest turtle in North America and New Jersey’s state reptile. With its tiny size, orange splotches on its neck and head, and smooth, dark smells, it’s an exceptional cutie that one may want in a terrarium. But before you consider it, know that it’s critically endangered due to the black market pet trade so it’s absolutely not a good idea. Especially when there’s regulations against it. But note that its babies are only the size of pennies.

Lifespan: Usually live 20-30 years in the wild. But may live more than 35 in captivity, possibly more than 50. Predators include snapping turtles, muskrats, striped skunks, foxes, dogs, and raccoons. Susceptible to leeches, parasitic flies, and bacterial infections.

Location and Habitat: Primarily lives in much of the eastern United States. Prefers calcareous wetlands, meadows, bogs, marshes, forest edges, and spring seeps with both wet and dry regions.

Diet: Eats aquatic plants, seeds, berries, earthworms, snails, slugs, insects, other invertebrates, frogs, and other small vertebrates. Can be fed a variety of fruits and veggies as well as meat like liver, chicken hearts, and tinned dog food.

Behavior: Congregates in colonies of less than 20. Mates in early spring. Females lay one clutch per year comprising of 1-6 eggs during April to July. Diurnal and wakes up at sunrise. Spends colder days in dense underbrush, underwater, or buried in mud. Spends warmer days sunning and scavenging (save a short period during mating season). Yet, often takes shelter during the hottest part of the day. In extreme heat, it estivates or go underground sometimes occupying networks of tunnels filled with water. Buries itself in soft tunnels at night. Spends September to April in hibernation either alone or in small groups of 12 that could contain multiple species. Favorite hibernation spots contain dense soil and a strong root system for protection. But could also hibernate at tree bottoms, animal burrows, or empty spaces of mud. Only emerges from hibernation if the temperature hits the 60s-80s. Males are territorial and will fight each other. Females will only be aggressive in self-defense from other females. Main defense is burying itself in soft mud since its shell offers little protection from predators. Moves very little day-to-day, usually 65-70ft on land. Can swim but long swimming excursions are rare. Will travel long distances for a new habitat if its home becomes unsuitable during the spring.

Conservation Status: Listed as Critically Endangered due to habitat loss, invasive plant species, poaching for the pet trade, and pollution. Measures have been implemented to restore wetland habitats and stabilize its population through captive breeding programs.

Trivia: Can survive long periods without oxygen. Other Candidates: Eastern Chipmunk, Red Fox, Harbor Seal, and Virginia Opossum.

The United States of Cuteness: Part 2 – Hawaii to Maryland

Of course, when it comes to cute animals, you can’t always please everyone. Sure, the sea otter might be perfect for California since it’s the center of the animal’s conservation efforts. But I put in the Island Fox because it’s only found on the state’s Channel Islands. While sea otters could be found in other states like Alaska and Washington. While the sea otter will come much later. Then there’s the fact that a cute critter must fit the state as you can see with the American Pika in Colorado and the West Indian Manatee with Florida. In this post we’ll meet ten more cute creatures from these United States. You’ll meet a sea turtle in Hawaii, a little bunny in Idaho, a couple of skunks in Illinois and Kentucky, a mink in Indiana, a frog in Louisiana, a favorite seabird in Maine, and squirrels in Iowa, Kansas, and Maryland.

11. Hawaii

Green Sea Turtle (Chelonia mydas)

Why the Cutest: This creature always had special meaning to native Hawaiians, said to symbolize a navigator that can find its way home time after time. Some Hawaiian legends said it was the first to guide the Polynesians to the Hawaiian Islands. Hawaiians revere the Kailua, a turtle that could take the form of a girl at will. It’s also regarded as gentle and friendly but not one you can pet. While the baby turtles are especially adorable.

Lifespan: It’s said that most don’t make it to sexual maturity. A significant number don’t make it to the ocean while it’s said many more die as juveniles. But should a Green Sea Turtle be among the 1% who become ready to smash (which might take about 20-50 years), it could expect to live up to 80 years in the wild. Predators include gulls, crabs, sharks, small marine mammals, red foxes, and golden jackals. Parasites include barnacles, leeches, protozoans, cestodes, nematodes, and fipropapilloma.

Location and Habitat: Lives in all temperate and tropical parts of the Atlantic, Pacific, and Indian Oceans as well as within coastal beaches, inshore bays, lagoons, and shoals with lush seagrass meadows. Entire generations migrate between feeding and nesting areas.

Diet: Varies with age. Young turtles eat fish and their eggs, sea hare eggs, hydrozoans, bryozoans, mollusks, jellyfish, small invertebrates, echinoderms, tunicates, insects, worms, sponges, algae, sea grasses, leaves, tree bark, and crustaceans. Older sea turtles eat green and red algae, red moss, freshwater red algae, lobster horns, sea lettuce, green seaweed, crinkle grass, sea grasses, and wetland plants.

Behavior: Often return to breed and lay eggs at the beaches where they were born though only females move up along the high tide line. Females control the mating process in the water with a few populations even practicing polyandry. Females lay a clutch around 85-200 eggs in a hole they dig. When eggs hatch (which is often at night), hatchlings move directly towards the water. A significant number don’t make it to the ocean due to predation.

Conservation Status: Although it’s listed as Least Concern, its population has suffered due to hunting, poaching, egg harvesting, habitat loss, pollution, and climate change.

Trivia: It spends almost its whole life submerged and have an efficient respiratory system that allows it to quickly replace air in its lungs after surfacing for a few seconds. It can also sleep underwater for hours at a time. Can swim up to 40 mph, making it the fast sea turtle. Also, plays an essential role in ecosystems regarding seagrass beds by eating only the tops. Its efforts provide a habitat for many species of fish and crustaceans.

Other Candidates: Puffer Fish, Hawaiian Monk Seal, Hawaiian Spinner Dolphin, ‘I’iwi, Happy Face Spider, Jackson’s, Chameleon, and Gold Dust Day Gecko.

12. Idaho

Pygmy Rabbit (Sylvilagus idahoensis)

Why the Cutest: It’s a Rocky Mountain critter that belongs in a children’s storybook as well as the world’s smallest rabbit. This fuzzy, grapefruit-sized Idaho potato exhibit short ears and soft gray-brown fur.  While southeastern Idaho is full of these spud muffins.

Lifespan: Most usually don’t last long with the highest adult mortality being in late winter and early spring. Juvenile mortality peaks during the summer. In fact, average lifespan is said to be less than 2 years in the wild and up to 3-5 years in captivity. Common causes of death are harsh winters and heavy predation. Predators include weasels, coyotes, red foxes, American badgers, bobcats, great horned owls, and northern harriers.

Location and Habitat: Lives in most of the Great Basin and some of the adjacent intermountain areas of western North America. Normally found in areas on deep soil with tall, dense sagebrush which it uses for shelter and food. Often restricted to areas with heavy shrub cover, primarily in big sagebrush and rabbitbrush communities. Sites also include plants like greasewood, antelope bitterbrush, threetip sagebrush, low rabbitbrush, gray horsebrush, prickly phlox, thick spike wheatgrass, plains reedgrass, sedges, prairie junegrass, Sandberg bluegrass, bluegrass, needle-and-thread grass, western yarrow, rosy pussytoes, milkvetch, arrowleaf balsamroot, buckwheat, tailcup lupine, phlox, bitterbrush, and sulfurflower.

Diet: Primarily eats big sagebrush which comprises 99% of its winter diet. Grasses and forbs are often summer food for this critter. Menu also includes rubber rabbitbrush, winterfat, Indian ricegrass, thick spike wheatgrass, bluebunch wheatgrass, Sandberg bluegrass, and needlegrass.

Behavior: Breeding season lasts from February through May. Litter size is typically 6 and as many as 3 litters could be produced per year. Most active around dusk and dawn but could be active at any time. But usually rests in burrows at midday.

Conservation Status: Although currently listed as Least Concern, it’s particularly vulnerable to habitat destruction due to its reliance on big sagebrush which can be destroyed in brush fires or cleared in agricultural developments. An isolated population is also known to live in the Columbia River drainage basin which faced significant declines due to small size and inbreeding. Only to be reintroduced in 2015 thanks to interstate efforts.

Trivia: One of 2 rabbit species in North America that could dig its own burrow. Burrows are often on the slopes at the base of sagebrush plants with tunnels widening below the surface forming chambers and extend to a depth to 3.3ft. On average, these burrows have 4-5 entrances, sometimes as few as 2 or as many as 10. In shallow soil, it could live in holes among volcanic rocks, in stone walls, around abandoned buildings, and in used burrows made by American Badgers and Yellow-Bellied Marmots. Can venture as far as 300ft from its burrow. During winter, it often tunnels under snow to find food, which can be quite extensive and extend from one sagebrush to another.

Other Candidates: American Pika, Yellow-Bellied Marmot, American Badger, North American River Otter, Red Fox, and Least Weasel.

13. Illinois

Striped Skunk (Mephitis mephitis)

Why the Cutest: Since the Cree and Objibwe shee-gawk is the root word for Chicago, which means “skunk-land,” it might as well represent the Land of Lincoln. Sure, it may be a controversial choice due to its reputation as a little stinker with “don’t make me do it energy” when up against predators and oncoming traffic. While Native American myth and oral tradition may feature them as heroes, villains, tricksters, and monsters. However, it shares popular traits with cats and dogs such as round faces, big dark eyes, tiny paws, and soft fur. Its playful waddles and curious nature could only capture a human heart. While its black and white stripes make it look distinctly cartoonish, like little masked characters. And if you think this little stinker is hard to resist as an adult, wait until you see what its kits look like.

Lifespan: Usually lives around 2-4 years in the wild though some have lived as long as 6-7 years. Though it has a high first-year mortality rate due to severe weather, disease, and starvation. While it can survive 10-15 years in captivity. Aside from birds of prey, it has no natural predators aside from birds of prey since most mammal apex predators don’t want to get sprayed. Though cougars, bobcats, foxes, coyotes, and badgers will hunt one if they’re absolutely starving. It’s also very vulnerable to motor vehicles due to poor night vision. One of the major carriers of rabies, second to raccoons.

Location and Habitat: Lives in southern Canada, most of the lower United States 48, and northern Mexico. Inhabits a variety of habitats like mixed woodlands, brushy corners, open fields interspersed with wooded ravines and rocky outcrops. Some populations such as northwestern Illinois, prefer cultivated areas over uncultivated ones.

Diet: Primarily eats insects like grasshoppers, beetles, crickets, caterpillars, along with other insect larvae and bees. Other invertebrates include worms, crayfish, and other non-insect arthropods. During winter and spring, it often supplements its diet with white-footed mice, voles, along with ground nesting eggs and chicks. Not to mention, amphibians, reptiles, carrion, and fish. In addition, it’s also known to eat apples, blueberries, black cherries, ground cherries, corn and nightshade. Thus, though it prefers grubs, it’s game for basically anything.

Behavior: Unlike what you might see in Bambi, a single male may have a harem of several females that he mates with once a year and defends against other males for over a month. So less Flower and more like Pepe LePew. Once mating is done, the pregnant females return to their dens as the males try to build their fat reserves. Females can produce 2-12 kits per litter but usually 5-6. Although one in Pennsylvania was said to give birth to 18. Can dig its own den but will appropriate any those abandoned by other animals should the opportunity present itself. These dens will only be used in late fall, winter, and early spring, but females with unweaned kits often hold onto them up to the summer. In more human-modified surroundings, it often digs a den in fencerows, mainly because it’s less likely to be disturbed by livestock and machinery. Though it’s common for a single male and multiple females to occupy a single den. Doesn’t fully hibernate in the winter since it will forage in short periods while living off fat reserves, which will result in it losing 50% of its body weight by springtime. Although it’s known for its chemical musk spray against predators, it is mostly a weapon of last resort.

Conservation Status: Listed as Least Concern due to its wide range and ability to adapt to human-modified environments. Although they often fall victims to traffic accidents when crossing a road. Not to mention, highly sought after primarily for its fur and later farmed. Trappers, Chinese immigrants and Native Americans ate them. While Chinese immigrants used its gall bladders as medicine. Its fat was once used as a lubricant. While its musk was once employed as a remedy for asthma, despite its very strong odor being better suited for warding off unwanted suitors. Some are even kept as pets with their stinkers removed or as pest control.

Trivia: Has 13 subspecies. Can use its sharp claws to tear away rotting logs and dig in the soil to find bugs and other prey.

Other Candidates: American Mink, North American River Otter, American Badger, Eastern Chipmunk, and Southern Flying Squirrel.

14. Indiana

American Mink (Neogale vison)

Why the Cutest: The American Mink is an adorable little sausage often exploited for its fur industry. Especially when it came to making coats, stoles, scarves, and trim. As a live animal, it’s highly adaptable in a variety of different environments. While its cuteness can’t be denied with its tiny face, short legs, and sleek body. Because once you see it, you’ll swear that it’s the only one on the block that should be wearing a mink coat it doesn’t have to give an arm and a leg for.

Lifespan: Usually lives 1-3 years in the wild due to disease, traps, hard winters, and predators. Though some could live up to 10 years, especially in captivity. Predators include large birds of prey, bobcats, coyotes, and massive snakes. Often carries tick and flea infestations. While Transmissible Mink Encephalopathy (TME) can prove deadly.

Location and Habitat: Native to most of Canada and the United States from Alaska to the Gulf of Mexico. Most habitats are in undisturbed, rocky coastal habitats with broad littoral zones and dense cover. Some are on estuaries, rivers and canals near urban areas. But as far as real estate goes, this little guy isn’t particularly fussy. As long as the property has an ideal den site that’s close to water.

Diet: Is an opportunistic carnivore that eats fish, crayfish, frogs, rodents, small mammals, birds, crustaceans, and eggs. Although it’s known to attack chicken coops, it only stops once it kills one.

Behavior: Breeding season lasts from February to April with males commonly fighting, which could result in loose, temporary dominance hierarchies governing access to receptive females. Is promiscuous and doesn’t form pair bonds, meaning that male has no role in the parenting. Average litter comprises of 4 kits. Although large litters of 11 and 16 have been reported. Is a solitary animal whose territories have minimal intrasex overlap but extensive intersex overlap. Dens consist of long burrows in river banks, holes under logs, tree stumps, or roots and hollow trees. Yet, it can also have dens in rock crevices, drains, nooks under stone piles and bridges. May nest in burrows once previously dug by badgers, muskrats, and skunks. May even dig burrows from old ant hills. Yet, its den could have a large number of entrances and twisting passages. Entrances can vary from 1-8. Only vocalizes during close encounters with other minks or predators. Emits piercing shrieks when threatened and muffled chuckling during mating. Kits repeatedly squeak when separated from their mothers. In aggressive interactions, it asserts dominance by arching its back, puffing up, lashing out its tail, and stomping and scraping the ground with its feet while opening its mouth in a threat gape. If its show is unsuccessful, fights may result in head or neck injuries.

Conservation Status: Classified as Least Concern. In areas where it was introduced for fur farms, it’s considered invasive, especially when it escapes one. However, it does have a history of being hunted and trapped for its furs as well as tamed as pets and for pest control.

Trivia: Has 15 subspecies. Has been found to be able to transmit the virus causing Covid 19. Is an excellent swimmer and agile climber capable of diving deep underwater to hunt.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, American Badger, Eastern Chipmunk, Virginia Opossum, and Red Fox.

15. Iowa

Eastern Chipmunk (Tamias striatus)

Why the Cutest: With its small body and chubby cheeks, it has often been featured on cartoons for decades like Disney’s Chip and Dale or the brothers Alvin, Simon, and Theodore from Alvin and the Chipmunks. Makes cute noises such as chips, chucks, trills, whistles, squeals, and chatters. Its fast, darting runs make it fun and energetic to watch. When eating, it even holds tiny seeds or nuts in its front paws just like miniature squirrels.

Lifespan: Lives up to 3 years in the wild and up to 8 years in captivity. Predators include hawks, owls, foxes, raccoons, snakes, weasels, coyotes, lynx, domestic dogs, and domestic cats. Can also be a host to parasitic larvae of botflies.

Location and Habitat: Lives predominantly in southeastern Canada and the eastern United States to as far as eastern North Dakota and as south as northeastern Louisiana. Resides in deciduous wooded areas and urban parks. Prefers locations with rocky areas, brush, or log piles along with shrubs to provide cover.

Diet: Eats nuts, seeds, acorns, berries, mushrooms, insects, and occasional small eggs or frogs.

Behavior: Unlike what Disney may tell you, it doesn’t live in a tree or with a sibling. Rather, it’s a solitary creature who spends most of its time foraging on the ground in deciduous woods, brushy areas, and suburban yards. In fact, it digs complex underground tunnel systems that can stretch over 30ft, carefully concealing the entrances. Doesn’t fully hibernate during the winter (at least as we know it). Instead, it stays its burrow during cold weather, waking up periodically to eat from its stored food cache. More like sleeping all except for trips to the fridge. Stores items in its stretchy cheek pouches to transport food back to its underground storehouses. Active during the day. Only interacts with its own species during mating season or pups with their mother. Mating seasons are from February to April and from June to August. Females often produce 1-2 litters of 3-5 young.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Least Concern as it’s basically a regular backyard sight.

Trivia: Molt once or twice annually.

Other Candidates: American River Otter, Southern Flying Squirrel, Red Fox, Eastern Cottontail Rabbit, American Mink, and Virginia Opossum.

16.  Kansas

Black-Tailed Prairie Dog (Cynomys ludovicianus)

Why the Cutest: Since Kansas is known as the Prairie State, there’s no better animal to represent it in the US of Cuteness than this little guy. This cunning, highly social rodent is famous for its expressive upright stances, complex communication, and adorable “greeting kisses.” Its “jump yip” display has it stretching up on its hind legs and throw its front paws in the air. Within its tight-knit family group, it spends a lot of time grooming and cuddling.

Lifespan: Usually lives 3-5 years though females can live 7-8 years in the wild. Can live 8-10 years or more in captivity. First year survival is 52%. Major causes of death included predation, disease, infanticide, habitat loss, poisoning, trapping, and shooting. Sylvatic plague can wipe out entire colonies within a few days. Also susceptible diseases brought by introduced animals. Predators include coyotes, American badgers, bobcats, golden eagles, ferruginous hawks, red-tailed hawks, prairie rattlesnakes, and black-footed ferrets.

Location and Habitat: Lives in the Great Plains from as north as Montana to as south as Texas. Resides in grassland habitats such as shortgrass prairie, mixed-grass prairie, sagebrush grass, and desert grassland. Habitat preferences influenced by vegetative cover type, slope, soil type, and rainfall amount.

Diet: Herbivorous. Prefers grass over forbs, which comprises of 75% of its diet. Menu includes western wheatgrass, buffalo grass, sedges, scarlet globemallow, Russian thistle, plains prickly pear, rabbitbrush, winterfat, saltbrush, and sagebrush.

Behavior: Is diurnal but doesn’t venture above ground as much when it rains or snows, or when the temperature exceeds 100º F. Spends much of its time either foraging or high alert constantly keeping watch for predators. Doesn’t fully hibernate during the winter, when it continues to leave the burrows to forage but sometimes enters a torpor state at night to conserve energy. This results in it losing 20% of its body weight during the fall and winter months. Lives in colonies, which could range from as little as 5 to thousands and may be subdivided into 2 or more wards based on topographic features like hills. Wards usually have 2 or more coteries which comprise of aggregates of highly territorial, harem-polygynous social groups. Individuals with coteries are often amicable with each other and hostile towards outsiders. Breeding season is usually in the spring. Females usually produce one litter of 3-5 young each year. Young males leave natal territory 12-14 after weaning.  Dig vast networks of burrows that are used for breeding, rearing young, and hiding from predators as well as are maintained for generations. Nests consists of fine, dried grass that’s collected by both sexes and all age classes. Most colonies usually contain 20-57 burrows per acre. Types of entrances are dome mounds, rimmed crater mounds, and entrances without structures around them. Entrances may prevent flooding and/or aid in ventilation. Compact soil with its nose.

Conservation Status: Listed as Least Concern although it has lost a lot of ground due to habitat loss due to agriculture and development, having a reputation as pests by ranchers, being seen as competitors for forage against livestock (despite research suggests that it has either a neutral and beneficial effect), and the pet trade. Colonies can also be wiped out by plague. Even though it’s not as in trouble as some grassland species, current numbers and occupied acreage are drastically below historical levels and likely to remain so in the foreseeable future. Mainly because while it may not be officially in danger, its grassland habitat and ecosystem it supports certainly is.

Trivia: Has been called an “ecosystem engineers” due to its influence on its habitat characteristics, landscape architecture, and ecosystem structure and function. That research suggests it to be a keystone species in a significant part of its range. This shit talking critter enhance diversity of flora and fauna through foraging and burrowing activities as well as its presence as prey. Grasslands inhabited by Black-Tailed Prairie Dogs support higher biodiversity than those without them. Also use a sophisticated communication system to describe specific predators. Has sensitive hearing at low frequencies to avoid predators.

Other Candidates: Virginia Opossum, Least Shrew, Eastern Cottontail, and Striped Skunk.

17. Kentucky

Eastern Spotted Skunk (Spilogale putorius)

Why the Cutest: It’s Kentucky’s official state non-game mammal. Compared to the Striped Skunk in the Illinois entry, it’s only as large as a good-sized tree squirrel and has a more weasel-like body. Making it resemble a miniature fluffy ferret. It also lifts its back legs in the air in a handstand before it sprays, which many find funny and adorable. While its spotted black and white give it a painted, cute style.

Lifespan: Usually live 1-2 years in the wild though many don’t survive their first year. Can live up to 10 years in captivity. Predators include big cats, bobcats, owls, and birds of prey.

Location and Habitat: Lives mainly in the American southeast and Midwest to the Dakotas and south Texas. Prefers forest edges and upland prairie grasslands, especially when rocky outcrops and shrub clumps are present. Can rely on riptarian corridors with woody shrubs and woodland edges as well as wooden fencerows, odd areas, and abandoned farm buildings.

Diet: Like the Striped Skunk, it eats practically anything such as insects, small mammals, bird eggs, fruits, berries, bees, and honey.

Behavior: Is nocturnal and more active on cool and dry nights than warm and wet ones. Doesn’t hibernate but greatly reduces activity during intense summer heatwaves and very cold winters. Is a secretive and elusive creature that humans rarely see in the wild. Breeding season is usually March and April while young are often born in May. Is generally polygynous. Females produce an average of 4-5 kits per litter. Underground dens can be shared by up to 8 of them during the winter. Burrows could be self-dug or previously abandoned.

Conservation Status: Listed as Vulnerable due to sharp declines in several states, particularly in the Midwest for unknown reasons. Since it was very quick to adapt to human settlement that it was frequently trapped until the mid-20th century, frequently seen in farmlands, and known to dig burrows under barn sides. Causes attributed include pesticide use, modernized farming techniques, over-trapping, habitat loss, and consolidation of barns and other manmade structures. Thus, it has become a rare creature of great conservation need.

Trivia: Tail counts for 1/3 of its total length. Can perform a handstand before a potential predator as well as does foot stomping to warn one approaching it that’s often followed by it spraying the odorous secretion. More agile and vigilant than other North American skunks. Can climb and take shelter in trees and jump.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, Red Fox, Virginia Opossum, and Eastern Chipmunk.

18. Louisiana

American Green Tree Frog (Dryophytes cinereus or Hyla cinerea)

Why the Cutest: It’s Louisiana’s official state amphibian, which is a state known for swamps and the Mississippi Delta. And we all know that swamps are the place where frogs love to be. With big eyes, smiling mouth, chunky build, lime green skin, and suction cup toes, it often sits completely still like a little statue to wedge itself into silly, relaxed resting positions. While is slow, deliberate stretches and measured movements look endearingly awkward.

Lifespan: Usually live about 2-5 years in the wild. Can live up to 6 in captivity, though some have reached 15-20 years. As tadpoles, predators include sunfish, bass, and dragonflies. As adults, predators include snakes, birds, and other frogs. Also prone to parasites such as nematodes, protozoans, and trematodes.

Location and Habitat: Usually lives in the Southeastern United States from Delaware to central Texas. Prefers to reside in small, early successional canopy gaps in forests with a permanent water source and filled with plentiful vegetation and bottom-landed forested area. Found both in natural and settled environments, often sighted in backyards with ponds, in garages, or in garden structures. Commonly resides in cypress ponds, water lily prairies, and marshes. Often seen perched on twigs, low branches, and grasses.

Diet: Primarily insectivores that mostly eat flies, mosquitoes, grasshoppers, cockroaches, spiders, beetles, crickets, and ants. Usually through nighttime ambush foraging. Though ingesting plant material isn’t uncommon.

Behavior: Is relatively sedentary and often stays within its localized home range. May venture to nearby woodlands in wetter regions but remains near water source in dry conditions. Will defend mate calling sites against foreign rivals and invaders using aggressive interactions. This can comprise of a combination of aggressive call signals and wrestling from males. Females usually breed once a year, though some have multiple clutches during a single mating season. A single clutch could contain as many as 400-1,200 eggs which females often lay in permanent bodies of water. Males use distinctive advertising calls to attract mates, which they often have to tweak due to immense pressure to make a unique one guaranteed to attract a female before grasping onto her to begin fertilization. Females often prefer the larger males and the low frequency calls. Oh, and males are polygynous so they’ll do this to as many as they could attract. All while satellite males stand by and let other males do the work before making a move. While their calls can be heard as far as 1-2 kilometers away. Is small and easily frightened so it doesn’t do well with frequent handling. Is nocturnal.

Conservation Status: Listed as Least Concern but still face threats of habitat loss and climate change due to urbanization and severe wildfires. As forest canopies recover from wildfires, it needs alternative shelters with scientists in central Texas using PVC pipe artificial shelters.

Trivia: Can be used as bioindicators for aquatic contamination due to its thin skin. Can also be kept as pets.

Other Candidates: Swamp Rabbit, North American River Otter, Raccoon, and Virginia Opossum.

19. Maine

Atlantic Puffin (Fratercula arctica)

Why the Cutest: Maine is the only state in the entire US where this bird breeds and only on a chain of small islands in the Gulf of Maine, which is a major draw for tourists. All thanks to the restoration efforts of Project Puffin since 1973, which hadn’t had a single bird there since 1885 due to overhunting. Biologists got some chicks in Newfoundland, fed them for a month, and put them in artificial sod burrows on Easter Egg Rock Island from that year to 1986, translocating 954 chicks in all. Even used decoys to give the illusion that an established colony existed. The re-establishment of this nesting colony proved successful that 4,000 of those birds nest on the islands off Maine’s coast each year. While the Seal Island National Wildlife Refuge has become one of the ultimate birder destinations. Called “clown of the sea” or “sea parrot” due to its striking appearance and large colorful bill, the Atlantic Puffin is a pigeon-sized seabird that spends most of its time bobbing in the ocean waves. Bright orange and red bills with expressive eye markings give it a cheerful, painted look along with that tuxedo plumage. Despite appearing graceful in air and water, it orchestrates clumsy landings and awkward waddling gaits on land. And who doesn’t like a puffin pair rubbing their bills together?

Lifespan: Usually live around 20-30 years. Predators include gulls, skuas, large fish, and seals. Prone to fleas and the guillemot tick.

Location and Habitat: Mostly lives in the North Atlantic, spending fall and winter in the open ocean and on coasts during the breeding season.

Diet: Mostly eat fish but can supplement with shrimp, crustaceans, molluscs, and polychaetae worms.

Behavior: Typically mates for life and returns to the exact same burrow year after year and restore bonds through billing (rubbing colorful bills together), nest building, and burrow repair. Though it can do some preening and guarding the burrow while waiting for its partner. Female only lays a single egg per year and both partners share incubation and parenting duties until the chick leaves the nest. Resides in clifftop nesting colonies during breeding season which is normally in the late spring and summer, which are often divided into sub colonies. Can dig its own burrow from a grassy clifftop or reuse existing holes. Lives a solitary existence at sea.

Conservation Status: Classified as Vulnerable due to historical overhunting, overfishing, ocean pollution like oil spills, and climate change limiting food supply.

Trivia: Can flap its wings 400 per minute and reach flying speeds of 55 mph. Molts at sea during the winter in which its brightly colored characteristics are lost before returning during the spring. Can be excellent bioindicators for ocean environment. Official bird symbol of Newfoundland and Labrador in Canada. Uses semi-extended wings as “paddles” to fly through the water and its feet as a rudder. Can swim fast, reach significant depths up to 200ft, and stay submerged for up to a minute. Can swallow small fish while submerged but must bring larger specimens to the surface before it could eat them. Can hold dozens of fish in its beak at one time. Beaks can glow under ultraviolet light.

Other Candidates: Black-Capped Chickadee, Snowshoe Hare, Northern Saw-Whet Owl, North American Porcupine, and Eastern Chipmunk.

20. Maryland

Delmarva Peninsula Fox Squirrel (Sciurus niger cinereus)

Why the Cutest: Maryland takes up much of the Delmarva Peninsula and had a lot to do with restoring this squirrel’s population. This is an extra-large and fluffy squirrel with thick, silvery fur, short nose, and round face that seems extra plump and cuddly. It’s also known to be very calm, slow moving, and relaxed compared to its more common jittery counterparts.

Lifespan: Typically lives 9-13 years in the wild but 18 years in captivity.  Most die within the first year.

Location and Habitat: Lives in eastern Maryland, Delaware, and Virginia along the Delmarva Peninsula. Preferred habitat are mature hardwood and pine forests with open understories.

Diet: Eats nuts and seeds from many trees like oak, hickory, sweet gum, walnut, loblolly pine along with green pine cones.

Behavior: Make dens in tree hollows where it makes a nest of leaves and twigs in the tree’s crotch, in a trunk’s tangled vines, or near the end of a large branch. Mating occurs late winter and early spring. Females produce a litter of 1-6 young which she raises herself. Diurnal and non-territorial. Is asocial and solitary, coming into contact with its own kind during breeding season.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Vulnerable due to habitat loss in extensive development that only 10% of its historical population was still around by the 1960s. Numbers have recover within the next several decades thanks to some habitat restoration efforts but there’s still plenty of work to be done.

Trivia: Use trees to elude predators. Said to have a large vocabulary of clucking and chucking sounds. Warn of approaching threats with distress screams and high-pitched whines during mating. Stands upright with tail over back when in contact with another fox squirrel. But most vocalization comprises barks.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, American Mink, Least Weasel, Piping Plover, and Raccoon.

The United States of Cuteness: Part 1 – Alabama to Georgia

Although cuteness is often subjective, it’s also a common feature in the animal kingdom. In many nature documentaries, you’ll find plenty of adorable creatures that will warm, melt, or break your heart. But if you live in the United States of America, know that there are plenty of cute creatures out there and you don’t always need to go to a zoo to see them. In this series, we’ll look at the fifty of the most adorable creatures from the United States. But first, each cute creatures must follow a certain criteria:

  1. Must be an adult – although there are plenty of cute babies animals out there, they don’t always stay that way. For instance, many species of seal pups are irresistibly cute but they don’t always retain much of the cuteness when they get older. So the animal has to be cute in adult form in order to qualify.
  2. Must be wild – sure, we all think pets and farm animals are adorable, but we can’t have any pet or livestock breeds. Thus, the animals have to live in a wild setting. Feral animals don’t count because they’re once domesticated.
  3. Must be native – in other words, it can’t be an animal one can see at the zoo. Nor can it be anything introduced within human habitation or expand range. For instance, the Mexican Long-Nosed Armadillo might seem like a great cute animal to represent Texas but its presence in the United States only dates to the 19th century. Thus, the animal must be native to its representative state.

In this post, we’ll meet a little beach mouse from Alabama, a couple of foxes in Alaska and California, a little owl in Arizona, an iconic songbird in Arkansas, a Rocky Mountain potato in Colorado, a rabbit in Connecticut, a little shorebird in Delaware, a celebrated marine mammal in Florida, and a unique little duck in Georgia.

  1. Alabama

Alabama Beach Mouse (Peromyscus polionotus ammobates)

Why the Cutest: It’s 3 inches long with big eyes and large ears. Nonetheless, it’s one of the more unique critters found in Alabama, even if it’s one that’s not as often seen there.

Lifespan: Usually 9 months in the wild and up to 6 years in captivity. Key predators are domestic and wild cats, domestic dogs, foxes, great horned owls, blue herons, raccoons, birds, and snakes.

Location and Habitat: It primarily lives within its Gulf Coast. Often lives in frontal scrub or sand dunes.

Diet: Often comprises of seeds and fruits from coastal plants like sea oats and beach grass along with occasional insects.

Behavior: Has lifelong monogamous pairs that often produce 3-4 offspring per litter. It also digs underground burrows for shelter and food storage. Nocturnal and generally avoids humans, buildings, and trash.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Endangered due to coastal buildings, hurricanes, and loss of dunes. Protected by state and federal laws found in areas like Bon Secour National Wildlife Refuge and Gulf State Park.

Trivia: Often spreads and buries seeds in its home range, which help grow plants that stabilize the sand dunes.

Other Candidates: Perdido Key Beach Mouse, Southern Flying Squirrel, Eastern Chipmunk, and Appalachian Cottontail.

2. Alaska

Arctic Fox (Vulpes lagopus)

Why the Cutest: Its fluffy white winter coat, short muzzle, rounded ears, furry paws, and bright, dark, expressive eyes makes it look like a small puppy dog anyone would want to pet (even in its summer coat) or a floating cloud of fur. Still, when it comes to cute animals, Alaska is one of the most wildlife-rich states with plenty of competition. But the Arctic fox stands out because its cuteness embodies the state’s characteristic Arctic spirit.

Lifespan: In the wild most usually don’t live past their first year. But should a fox cub be lucky to reach adulthood, it can expect to live for 3 or 4 years. However, some exceptional ones could live up to the ripe old age of 11. While the oldest recorded age was 16. Predators include domestic dogs, golden eagles, bald eagles, snowy owls, hawks, Arctic wolves, polar bears, wolverines, red foxes, and brown bears.

Location and Habitat: Live in the Arctic regions of the Northern Hemisphere within the Arctic tundra. In Alaska, it can reside from treeless coastal tundra and pack ice as well as rocky coastline cliffs from the Aleutian Islands to Utqiagvik and the Canadian border. Known to migrate toward sea ice in the winter and returns inland during the spring.

Diet: Has a large varied omnivorous diet. Preys on lemmings, voles, ringed seal pups, fish, waterfowl, and seabirds. Also eats carrion, berries, seaweed, insects, and other small invertebrates.

Behavior: They form monogamous pairs during the breeding season (usually in April and May) and stay together to raise their young in complex underground dens. But both females and males can be promiscuous if there are abundant prey and predators present. Other family members may occasionally assist in raising the pups. Can produce between 3-25 pups at a time.

Conservation Status: Although listed as Least Concern, they do face significant threat in certain areas in its own range due to climate change, habitat loss, competition with other animals such as the red fox, disease, and other factors.

Trivia: It sheds twice a year switching between a short, brown and cream, lighter summer coat and a long, thicker, white winter coat (actually twice as long as its summer coat. Come in white and blue morphs. Winter coat provides the best insulation of any mammal. Also possesses exceptional hearing to locate prey under the snow.

Other Candidates: Sea Otter, Horned Puffin, Tuffed Puffin, Collared Pika, Lemming, Boreal Chickadee, and Red Fox.

3. Arizona

Elf Owl (Micrathene whitneyi)

Madera Canyon 20120429

Why the Cutest: Arizona has no shortage of cute critters. But the elf owl stands out because Arizona is its primary American residence. It’s also the world’s smallest bird of prey that’s only 5-6 inches tall and weighing at 1.4 oz which is similar to a sparrow. Helps if males make cute, puppy-like yipping noises to defend their territory and attract mates. Other cuteness features include big yellow eyes, soft plumage, and feisty personality.

Lifespan: Usually live from 3-6 years in the wild but can live up to 10 in captivity. Common causes of death are predation, exposure, and intra-species competition. Predators are usually jays, hawks, and bigger owls.

Location and Habitat: Resides in the Southwestern US and Mexico, spending spring and summer in the former and winter in the latter. Often found in arid deserts, canyon woodlands, and brushy terrain.

Diet: Primarily hunts insects, particularly flying ones. But it will also occasionally feed on small mammals, reptiles, and birds.

Behavior: Nests in old woodpecker holes in saguaro cacti or trees and are notoriously territorial. Like most owls, it is nocturnal. Is usually monogamous during the breeding season (usually laying between 1-5 eggs) and typically remains in breeding pairs as parents with the mom watching over the kids and the dad constantly out hunting for the whole family. This lasts until spring (such as late March to early May) to as late as July. But can be found in small groups during the Mexican migration season and when mobbing predators.

Conservation Status: Although listed as Least Concern, their populations have significantly declined due to habitat loss thanks to human development and introduction of invasive species, particularly in California. It’s said that there are fewer than 150,000 in the United States.

Trivia: Removes the stinger from scorpions before eating them. Can play dead when handled, an adaptation that encourages a predator to relax its grip so the owl could escape. Males and females have distinct vocalizations with the former having a more complex repertoire than the latter.

Other Candidates: Coatimundi, Kit Fox, Ringtail, Sonoran Desert Toad, and Javelina.

4. Arkansas

Eastern Bluebird (Sialia sialis)

Why the Cutest: It is a 6.3-8.3 inch songbird and ball of colorful fluff has been a longtime favorite of birders since colonial days. Males have a deep royal blue head and back with a rusty orange breast. It also has a large round head, big dark eyes, and quiet, calm posture when perched. While it makes soft, waroling, musical call instead of harsh chirps. Since Arkansas isn’t known to have many distinctive critters to stand out, an American one would do just nicely.

Lifespan: Adults typically lives around 6-10 years though most usually die within the first year of life. Causes of death are often starvation, freezing, and predation. Predators include eastern chipmunks, flying squirrels, American black bears, fire ants, raccoons, rat snakes, eastern racers, American kestrels, falcons, owls, domestic cats, and hawks.

Location and Habitat: Found across the United States east of the Rocky Mountains, southern Canada, and parts of Central America. Northern groups move south for the winter. Southern populations reside in their home range all-year-round. Prefer to reside in open country, farms, pastures, roadside edges, parks, and golf courses with scattered trees.

Diet: Food intake depends on the season. During the spring and summer, it mostly eats insects like caterpillars, beetles, grasshoppers, and spiders. During the fall and winter, it shifts to eating wild berries, sumac, and small fruits.

Behavior: Typically nests in wooden tree hollows or wooden nest boxes because it can’t carve it own holes. Like most birds, it’s monogamous during breeding season and can lay up to 2-7 eggs per clutch as well as raise up to 3 broods a year. Also typically social, sometimes gathering in flocks of over a hundred.

Conservation Status: Once considered Endangered during much of the 20th century due to habitat loss and competition with invasive starlings and house sparrows and the presence of DDT. But populations rebounded thanks to the Bluebird Nesting Program. Today it’s listed as Least Concern. However, as far as backyard birding is concerned, they’re not exactly a type of bird you’d see every day.

Trivia: Perches on low posts or tree branches before dropping to the ground to catch prey. Has been popular with Americans since colonial times and often associated with the coming of spring.

Other Candidates: Eastern Chipmunk, Southern Flying Squirrel, North American River Otter, and Gray Fox.

5. California

Island Fox (Urocyon littoralis)

Why the Cutest: First, while California wildlife has a treasure trove of cute critters, the Island Fox is one that exclusively resides there. Second, when you first see an adult version of this cat-sized animal, you’d almost swear that it was just a gray fox pup that’s just left the den. It’s also generally docile, shows little fear of humans, and are easily tamed.

Lifespan: Usually live around 4-6 years in the wild and up to 8 years in captivity. Eagles are often its natural predators.

Location and Habitat: Lives on 6 of the 8 Channel Islands of California. Preferred habitat comprises of complex vegetation with perennially fruiting bushes. But it lives in most types of habitats like temperate forests, grasslands, and chaparrals.

Diet: Eats fruits, insects, eggs, land snails, crabs, lizards, amphibians, small mammals, and edible human garbage. Known for scavenging for food on the coastline.

Behavior: Is mostly a solitary animal and diurnal (though some nocturnal populations exist). Although they have complex communication dynamics such as vocalizations, body posture, facial expressions, and urination to mark territory. Typically form monogamous pairs from January and through the breeding season from late February to early March. Typical litters produce 1-5 pups with an average of 2 or 3.

Conservation Status: Currently classified as Near Threatened due to recovery efforts after facing significant declines in the 1990s that made them Critically Endangered. This was due to golden eagle predation, the presence of feral pigs that the National Park Service later eradicated on the Channel Islands, disease, and the introduction of invasive species. But in the last decade, Island Fox populations have recently rebounded but they’re not quite out the woods. Especially since climate change poses a significant threat to the species with rising temperatures, vegetation loss, drought, and wildfire frequency.

Trivia: Said to evolve from the larger mainland Gray Fox and has resided in the Channel Islands for over 7,000 years possibly with the assistance of human populations. Plays an important role by native Channel Islanders who semi-domesticated them as pets, for pelts, or other functions such as pest control. Skilled at climbing trees.

Other Candidates: Sea Otter, American Pika, Ringtail, and Narrow-Face Kangaroo Rat.

6. Colorado

American Pika (Ochotona princeps)

Why the Cutest: As Colorado is the Rocky Mountain State, the American Pika is an iconic Rocky Mountain critter. These Rocky Mountain potatoes resemble a hardy, fuzzy mountain mouse. They’re also vocal animals using a variety of calls and songs to warn of approaching predators and during breeding season.

Lifespan: Usually live around 3-7 years in the wild. Predators include eagles, hawks, coyotes, bobcats, cougars, foxes, and weasels.

Location and Habitat: Native to the mountainous regions of western North America, typically inhabiting rocky slopes and talus fields at or above the tree line.

Diet: It’s a generalist herbivore that eats a wide range of vegetation such as various sedges, grasses, thistles and fireweed.

Behavior: Doesn’t hibernate during the winter and is primarily active during the day. Doesn’t dig burrows but may enlarge existing in the talus to create shelter. Establishes dens and nests below rock surfaces. Forms mating pairs with those of the opposite sex in adjacent territory during breeding season before the snowmelt. Females have an average litter of 3 young and will only raise a second litter if the first fails to survive. Territorial defense often involves aggressive displays and confrontation are often rare, usually between same-sex neighbors who don’t know each other.

Conservation Status: Although it’s listed as Least Concern, its populations in the Southwest have been declining due to habitat loss and climate change.

Trivia: Forages through direct consumption and caching vegetation in so-called “hay piles” for the summer months. Despite resembling a chunky mouse, it’s actually more closely related to rabbits and hares.

Other Candidates: Black-Tailed Prairie Dog, Yellow-Bellied Marmot, and Red Fox.

7. Connecticut

New England Cottontail (Sylvilagus transitionalis)

Why the Cutest: It is New England’s only native rabbit. Furthermore, in 2013, Connecticut’s state government embarked on a project in Litchfield County to set aside significant amount of land for a meadowland and a second-growth forest that the rabbit needs. Has soft-gray and brown fur, rounded ears with distinct black margins, and a fluffy white tail. Helps if it bears a similar resemblance to the Eastern Cottontail. And who doesn’t love rabbits?

Lifespan: Usually live up to 3 years in the wild. That is if it’s among the 15% who survive its first year. Predators include weasels, domestic cats, domestic dogs, red foxes, fishers, birds of  prey, coyotes, bobcats, gray wolves, eastern cougars, wolverines, and Canada lynx.

Location and Habitat: Lives in fragmented populations across New England from southern Maine to Southern New York along with a small area in Quebec. Prefers woodlands of higher elevation and northern latitude. Thrives in early successional forests with a dense understory of thick, tangled scrubland or brushland vegetation.

Diet: Herbivorous with a diet based on the seasons. Spring and summer cuisine comprise of herbaceous plants like leaves, stems, wood, bark, flowers, fruits, and seeds from grasses and forbs. Fall and winter fare consists of mostly woody plants.

Behavior: Builds nests in depressions which it lines with grasses and fur and are often reluctant to leave cover, rarely straying 16 ft from shelter. Breeding season can range from January to September with females able to breed 2-3 times a year producing litters of 3-8. Form breeding groups of dominant females. Males perform courtship displays of running and jumping with them jumping over a female. Females often appear indifferent up to the point of being paired off and display dominance through nesting, birth, and nursing periods to avoid harassment by uninvolved males. Males have no investment in their young. Is shy   and mostly nocturnal.

Conservation Status: Currently listed as Vulnerable since 1996 due to reduction in suitable habitat, introduction of the Eastern Cottontail in the early 1900s which has taken over many areas, introduction of certain invasive plants like the multiflora rose, and increase density of the White-Tailed Deer.

Trivia: To avoid predators, it runs for cover, freeze, relies on camouflage, or runs in a zig-zag pattern to confuse its enemies.

Other Candidates: Eastern Chipmunk, Northern Flying Squirrel, North American River Otter, Black-Capped Chickadee, Red Fox, and Eastern Cottontail.

8. Delaware

Piping Plover (Charadrius melodus)

Why the Cutest: This little guy was featured in its very own Pixar short called Piper and for good reason. Even if the plover in question was only a chick. Having a large, round head, a short, thick neck, and a stubby bill, these stubby and sandy-colored balls of fluff also vocalize with soft, whistled peep peeps with their alarm call a soft pee-werp. Typically runs in short, quick spurts before stopping with fast, comical steps. Newborn chicks resemble walking puff balls on  spindly legs.

Lifespan: Usually live up to around 5-6 years, though some have been known to live as long as 11-14 or more. Even though most deaths occur within the first few weeks of life or during long migrations. Predators include crows, cats, raccoons, and foxes.

Location and Habitat: Lives in Atlantic coastal beaches and along the shores of the Great Lakes. Although it migrates to the southern Atlantic coast, the Gulf of Mexico, and the Caribbean during the winter. Sometimes even as south as Ecuador and Venezuela. Prefers to reside in open sand or gravel beaches, sand dunes, and barrier islands along the Atlantic Coast, Great Plains, and Great Lakes.

Diet: Mainly eats insects, marine worms, and crustaceans. Typically forages around the high tide wrack zones and along the water’s edge.

Behavior: Females lay 2-4 eggs inside shallow depressions (scrapes) dug in dirty sand, which males dig. Males also perform elaborate courtship ceremonies, including stone tossing and flights featuring repeated dives. If a female deems a male’s scrapes as sufficient, she will mate with him. Both males and females share in incubation duties and eggs usually hatch on the same day.

Conservation Status: Listed as Near Threatened due to historical feather hunting, ongoing habitat loss, and climate change. Conservation groups have used beach cordons, symbolic fencing, and educational outreach to help chicks survive. One area reserved for them is in Delaware’s Cape Henlopen State Park. But while recovery efforts yielded slow population growth, only some populations have met recovery goals set for them.

Trivia: Parents often pull off a “broken wing display” whenever a predator may threaten their chicks’ safety.  

Other Candidates: Delmarva Peninsula Fox Squirrel, North American River Otter, Gray Fox, Red Fox, Black-Capped Chickadee, and Harbor Seal.

9. Florida

West Indian Manatee (Trichechus manatus)

Why the Cutest: The West Indian Manatee is among Florida’s most iconic animals. Called the “sea cow,” its endearing with its chubby body, wrinkly, whiskered face, and slow, peaceful, sweet and curious personality. This makes the manatee seem to resemble a giant, friendly water potato. Baby manatees often look extra small and playful next to their mothers.

Lifespan: Typically lives around 30-40 years though can live up to 60 years in the wild. Oldest captive manatee was 69. Many die much younger due to human and environmental hazards. Has no natural predators.

Location and Habitat: Native to warm, coastal areas of the Caribbean from the eastern US to northern Brazil. Inhabit mostly shallow coastal areas, including rivers and estuaries. Have been spotted as far north as Massachusetts, as west as the Gulf Coast of Texas, and as far inland as Memphis, Tennessee. 

Diet: Feeds on aquatic plants like seagrass as a principal staple. But also eats grasses, roots, leaves, and algae. Grazes up to 4-5 hours a day. Though some individuals do eat the occasional marine invertebrate but often inadvertently.

Behavior: Is often solitary but aggregate in warm water habitats and form breeding herds with larger and older males often dominating. Yet, they don’t form permanent pair bonds males contribute no parental care for the calves. Females usually give birth to one calf though twins can occur. Calves stay close to their mothers though.

Conservation Status: Classified as Near Threatened due to historical exploitation, watercraft collisions, loss of warm-water habitat, harmful algae blooms, entanglement, entrapment, and ingestion of debris. Although populations in Florida have increased due to conservation efforts but intervention needs to be continued.

Trivia: Uses its whiskers to navigate through the water. Can withstand major changes in salinity so can be found in both freshwater and saltwater. Since it eats abrasive plants, their molars are often worn down and replaced many times throughout its life. Can grow up to 13ft long and weigh up to 1,300lbs.

Other Candidates: Key Deer, Bottlenose Dolphin, North American River Otter, and Burrowing Owl.

10. Georgia

Ruddy Duck (Oxyura jamaicensis)

Why the Cutest: With its small, chunky shape with a thick neck and oversized, spiky tail cocked straight up, the ruddy duck is a charming bird in American waterways. The bright chestnut-red male has a black and white had and sports a vivid blue bill, making it look like a ducky cartoon character. It’s often aggressive and beats bubbles during courtship. So it’s no wonder that it’s considered as one of the cutest waterfowl.

Lifespan: Usually lives 2-3 years in the wild, though oldest recorded lifespan was 13 years. Can live up to 20 years in the wild. Causes of death are predation and hunting. Predators include minks, raccoons, red foxes, red-tailed hawks, and great horned owls.

Location and Habitat: Lives in North and Central America. Resides primarily in freshwater marshes, prairie ponds, lakes, and reservoirs. Migrate to coastal bays in unfrozen lakes and ponds.

Diet: Primarily eats aquatic insects, crustaceans, small mollusks, and plant seeds.

Behavior: Known for being fiercely aggressive and pugnacious during the breeding season, sometimes even chasing small animals near the water’s edge. Males produce a distinct drumming sound by beating their lower bill on their chest. Done hard enough, this drumming that often swirls of bubbles appear in the water in a process called “bubbling” which could be done while confronting other meals or courting a female. Nest I n dense marsh thickets near water with females building nests out of grass within tall vegetation to hide from predators. Females lay remarkably large eggs relative to their body size, often 5-15 of them. Yet, while the male protects the female during incubation, he takes no part in duckling rearing. Ducklings are highly independent, able to swim and dive within the first day of hatching. Females could also lay their eggs in other nests.

Conservation Status: Classified as Least Concern and is considered invasive outside the US, particularly in Great Britain.

Trivia: Has short wings relative to its body size, meaning it needs to start running across the water’s surface to take flight. Is an expert diver that propels itself with large feet to forage underwater.

Other Candidates: North American River Otter, Gray Fox, Southern Flying Squirrel, Black-Capped Chickadee, and Virginia Opossum.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 30 Groundskeeper to Gamekeeper

As with all good things, they all must come to an end at some point. Of course, there are more professions that we idealized out there that weren’t as good as depicted. But we all have to stop somewhere. Nonetheless, when we nostalgize the past, we often ignore the aspects of life that was often more difficult due to lack of technological advancement that made our lives easier that we often forget that many jobs entailed doing things by hand which took longer and took a physical toll on bodies. The lack of scientific knowledge like germ theory made people in medical professions less able to diagnose ailments or treat them effectively. Not to mention, lack of sanitation often made things so much worse. While lack of safety precautions and labor rights made many of these professions much more dangerous and exhausting. Anyway, here are more historical professions and their dark realities.

291. Groundskeeper – In historical settings, you often see grand estates with well-manicured lawns and well pruned trees even when there are no efficient lawn mowers in the period like on Bridgerton. Yet, a groundskeeper’s life was a brutal slog. First, groundskeepers had to move stone, soil, and wood by hand or with basic carts. Mowing these vast lawns on great estates or cutting thick brush required scythes, sickles, and shears. Second, managing grazing livestock used to keep grass short (like goats and sheep) meant dealing with trampled turf and constant animal wase. Third, groundskeepers worked outside all day in the freezing cold, heavy rain, or blistering heat without climate-controlled relief. Fourth, dirty soil and rusty tools put groundskeepers at constant risk of deep cuts, back strains, blisters, and infections. Fifth, they had to deal with swarms of mosquitos and ticks along with spoiled or stagnant water features carrying illness. But at least it paid well, right? Actually, groundskeepers were paid very little for back-breaking work while their position as low-class manual labor with no career path or job protection. And if it’s America before 1865, guess who did the landscaping on these vast plantations. Yep, the slaves.

292. Furrier – In historical settings, you see rich characters wearing fur coats or fur trim regardless of era. But being a furrier who made those coats was not at all fuzzy. First, furriers used stale human urine to soften and treat animal hides. Second, they used toxic mercury compounds to cure pelts, causing severe tremors, tooth loss, and madness (which originated the “mad hatter”). Curing processes also relied on rancid oils and smoke that burned eyes and lungs. Third, workshops were tiny and filled with thick, floating fur dust and hair fragments that workers inhaled all day. Fourth, handling raw, unwashed animal hides meant constant risk of contracting anthrax or other fatal infections from livestock. Fifth, the intense, rot-heavy stench of decaying fat, blood, and urine permanently clung to furriers’ skin, hair, and clothes. Sixth, furriers spent hours hunched over a wooden beam, scraping rotting flesh and fat off wet pelts by hand using a dull knife. Lastly, all that soaking, washing, and wringing out heavy hides in freezing water ruined furriers’ hands and joints long before old age.

293. Minter – Today, we take our access to currency for granted. Yet, in the old days, someone had to make coins. But a minter’s life was anything but a cash cow. First, melting and handling gold, silver, and base metal alloys resulted in constant inhalation of toxic fumes and dust, including lead and heavy metal used in processing and refining. Second, striking heavy coin faces with a hammer day in and day out wrecked minters’ joints, arms, and hearing. While the intense heat from furnaces caused severe burns and exhaustion. Third, should a coin batch come out underweight or substandard, the minter was often accused of stealing precious metals or plotting fraud against the crown. Also, know that treason and counterfeiting laws were downright medieval so to speak. Convicted minters faced execution, hanging, or having their hands chopped off. Fourth, minter workshops were tightly locked, heavily guarded environments. Workers were treated with great suspicion and under close watch by royal sheriffs or officials as theft prevention. Finally, despite daily handling fortunes in gold and silver, working-class minters were paid modest wages and bore all the physical risks while kings and knights reaped all the profits. Guess literally making money wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

294. Plumber – In our age of indoor plumbing fixtures, the humble plumber has become an indispensable part of our daily lives. Yet, being a plumber in the olden days was no pleasant pipe dream. First, the word plumbing is derived from the Latin word plumbum meaning lead, which was often used to make pipes. Historical plumbers handled and soldered it daily, causing chronic lead poisoning, madness, and colic. Second, plumbers had no rubber gloves, face masks, or chemical goggles to block noxious waste or toxic fumes. While working with ancient or medieval drains meant direct contact with raw sewage loaded with cholera, typhoid, and dysentery. Third, before modern regulations (like those inspired by 20th century outbreaks), cross connections often mixed sewage right into drinking water lines. Fourth, transporting and installing cast iron or lead pipe components without modern power tools wrecked backs and joints. Lastly, crawling into unmapped, pitch-black cesspools, unvented outhouses, and rotting wooden tunnels meant risking cave-ins, asphyxiation from toxic gases, and vermin bites.

295. Goldsmith – No gilded display of massive wealth would be possible without the goldsmith’s assistance. But a historical goldsmith wasn’t all shiny. First, old gilding methods used a toxic gold and mercury paste. Heating it released invisible, deadly mercury vapors causing shaking, tooth loss, madness, and death. Second, workshops lacked proper ventilation so smiths constantly inhaled charcoal smoke, acid fumes, and fine metal dust. Third, fine detailed work under dim candle or window light ruined eyesight long before middle age. Fourth, working with literal fortunes made goldsmiths prime targets for violent robberies, home invasions, and kidnappings. Fifth, should a goldsmith shortchange a gold coin’s purity or crown plate, punishments were swift and brutal. These could range from heavy mutilation to execution. Sixth, every single microscopic gold speck was tracked. Losing even a fraction of a gram through an accident could result in debt or imprisonment. Seventh, long hours bent over small anvils and benches wreaked chronic skeletal and muscular damage. Finally, young trainees spent years enduring harsh conditions, low to no pay, and intensive labor just to learn trade secrets. Definitely no job for gold diggers indeed.

296. Basket Weaver – Basketry is an ancient art that’s present in most cultures and civilizations. But while basketry has long been seen as a hobby or cultural demonstration, making them for a living was anything but easy. First, splitting wood, roots, and willow branches by hand using teeth or crude blades tore skin and split fingernails. Second, bending over in awkward positions for 10-14 hours a day ruined backs, necks, and joints. Third, basket weavers developed severe arthritis, permanent calluses, deep cuts, and total loss of fingerprint sensitivity from constant friction against rigid, abrasive fibers. Fourth, basket weavers walked miles through swamps, forests, and thickets in freezing or scorching weather to find the exact right species of ash, oak, and willow. Fifth, they hauled massive bundles of green wood, boiled heavy vats of bark over open fires, and soaked materials in freezing water. Sixth, basket weavers worked long after dark by the dim, smoky light of coal oil lamps or candles just to finish quota, ruining eyesight. Seventh, although they spent days or weeks on a single masterpiece or utility basket, merchants and wagon jobbers often paid them mere pennies. Lastly, basket weavers eventually watched their entire livelihood get undercut and ruined by the invention of cheap, mass-produced metal pots, wooden crates, and wire baskets.

297. Civil Rights Activist – Those involved in the Civil Rights Movement during the 1950s, 1960s, and beyond have been enshrined as American heroes, particularly Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. However, to be a civil rights activist required the courage of a Christian martyr in the colosseum. Because they had to contend with a shitload of crap that so many don’t realize whenever MLK Day or Black History Month comes around. First, civil rights activists faced brutal beatings, police fire hoses, bombings, and assassinations. Second, they lived under constant chronic, severe stress and danger, similar to being in a war zone. Even though their activities mostly consisted of peaceful protesting against segregation and black disenfranchisement. Third, government agencies like the FBI subjected civil rights leaders to intense surveillance, harassment, and persecution. We should also note the fact that FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover was a white supremacist who saw civil rights leaders and activists as in league with Communists. And no, Martin Luther King was definitely not spared from this. Fourth, many civil rights activists lost their jobs, homes, or personal property for speaking out or trying to vote. Finally, they faced fierce opposition not just from opponents, but also from local communities and even their own families. However, the fierce opposition these people faced, their hard-fought efforts led to landmark civil rights legislation that we should never take for granted. While most of the activists who took part in it wear their time as a badge of honor, particularly Congressman John Lewis who showed up at a convention in an outfit similar to what he wore when he was nearly beaten to death on the Edmund Pettus Bridge.

298. Flight Attendant – When air travel began taking hold among the masses so did the rise of the flight attendant. But their lives weren’t always soaring through the friendly skies, especially since most of the early ones were women. First, airlines forced women to quit if they married or reached the ages of 32-35. They could also lose their jobs if they became pregnant or had children. Second, carriers enforced a strict whites-only hiring practice for decades. Third, airline companies regularly weighed staff and fired anyone who gained even a few pounds. While bosses checked flight attendants’ hair, makeup, and leg shaves before every trip. After all, marketing campaigns used staff as sexualized bait to attract male travelers. Fourth, crews hauled massive, heavy fiberglass bags before rolling luggage existed. Fifth, long international flights offered no designated sleep time while on duty. Finally, before the 1970s, cabins were filled with secondhand cigarette smoke while early planes experienced frequent, frightening mechanical bumps. That’s not even getting into the sexual harassment and uncooperative flyers these women had to face.

299. Acupuncturist – Today, acupuncture is a relatively safe form of Asian medical treatment for those who wish to avoid taking addictive pain medicine. But in history, being an acupuncturist was no easy feat. First, needles were made of thick bronze, iron, or stone and were reused across patients without sanitation. Not surprisingly, this resulted in severe bacterial infections and abscesses. Second, practitioners lacked precise internal anatomy maps, making deep needle insertion a constant hazard for punctured lungs or internal organs. Third, while modern acupuncture needles are of ultra-fine, flexible stainless steel, ancient needles were basically clunky lancets or long spikes. Fourth, despite being an ancient Chinese medical practice, acupuncture soon fell out of favor with changing dynasties and elites. In 1822, the Ching dynasty officially banned and removed acupuncture from the Imperial Medical Academy, labeling it a low-class or lost trade. Fifth, because treatments often failed or caused fatal infections, acupuncturists faced heavy legal and social retaliation whenever high-status patients worsened. Lastly, traditional healers were ranked below elite-scholar bureaucrats and faced constant pressure to justify their methods against competing philosophical and medical systems.

300. Gamekeeper – As a ranger on his employer’s property, the gamekeeper patrolled the grounds of a great estate. Yet, the gamekeeper’s life was far from that of Hagrid. First, gamekeepers patrolled vast estates at night, making them key targets for desperate or organized poachers armed with clubs, knives, and guns. Violent midnight skirmishes and bloody sieges were common, leaving many gamekeepers severely beaten or killed in the line of duty. Second, gamekeepers worked grueling, irregular schedules. They started at dawn to monitor wildlife and stayed out through freezing, pitch-black nights to catch trespassers. Third, daily tasks required heavy manual labor in all weather conditions, from intense predator trapping (using brutal gin traps) to breeding dogs and tending vast woodland stretches. Fourth, because gamekeepers enforced harsh, elite-driven game laws that criminalized subsistence poaching, local rural communities widely hated them. Finally, the rural poor saw them as wealthy landowners’ brutal enforcers, cutting them off from local friendships, trust, and community support.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 29 Sheep Farmer to Gardener

Landseer, Edwin Henry; Shoeing; Tate; http://www.artuk.org/artworks/shoeing-199734

              You may notice with these historical professions that working in agriculture was a grueling life that didn’t always reap big rewards. Dairy farming involved constant milking, no days off, and dealing with big animals that could kick you and sometimes suffered from labor and delivery complications. Pigs in ancient and medieval times were like Pumbaa on roid rage who wreaked all kinds of damage than the cute pink snout animals we think of today. While chickens could be wiped out by outbreaks or cold. Anyway, perhaps you’ve fancied yourself as a carnival barker telling people to step right up for the latest attraction. Maybe even saw yourself as a falconer working with majestic birds of prey. Or perhaps you may have imagined yourself as a pastoral gardener watering flowers. Here are ten more historical professions and their dark realities.

281. Sheep Farmer – Sheep farm often evoke quiet pastoral imagery in highland areas. But the life of a sheep farmer was anything but idyllic. First, sheep farmers faced freezing winters, flash floods, and scorching droughts with zero modern forecasting or emergency rescue. Second, sheep required constant monitoring day and night to prevent wandering or panic, leaving no time for rest. Third, cattle ranchers deeply hated sheep farmers, arguing that sheep ruined the land by eating grass down to the roots and destroying the soil. Cattlemen attacked sheep camps, poisoned water sources, slaughtered flocks en masse, and murdered herders during the range wars in the American West and Texas. Fourth, sheep farmers constantly dealt with gruesome conditions like flystrike (where flies lay eggs in sheep’s wool and maggots eat the flesh), foot rot, and intestinal worms. Fifth, wolves, coyotes, and cougars constantly hunted the flock, meaning farmers had to kill predators or lose their entire livelihood overnight. Lastly, processing wool, tending to sick, heavy animals required backbreaking manual effort long before mechanical tools or modern medicine existed.

282. Farrier – Farriers made horseshoes, which was a very underrated skill at the time we often don’t think about. But when horses were the primary means of transport, they occupied a major place of importance. Yet, their live was anything but a fun pony ride. First, working bent over a horse’s heavy leg exposed farriers to sudden kicks, bites, crushing bites, and getting trampled in tight stalls. Second, bending over hooves all day destroyed backs, knees, and joints long before modern medicine before modern ergonomics or pain relief existed. Third, farriers breathed in toxic, coal smoke, heavy metal fumes, and burning hoof in poorly ventilated, dark smithies. Fourth, banging a hot iron over a roaring forge required immense upper body strength. Fifth, historical farriers doubled as low-level vets, forced to treat gruesome wounds, infections, and lameness using harsh, unscientific methods like bleeding or toxic salves. Finally, working-class or military horses were often overworked, sick, fractious, making every shoeing session a fight with stressed and/or traumatized animal.

283. Carder – Before a wool could be spun, it had to be carded through. But the people who carded the wool often had grueling lives. First, hand-carding required scraping 2 paddle-like boards covered in sharp wire or iron teeth against each other for hours on end, causing severe muscle strain in the arms, wrists, and back. Second, workers in early mills faced damp, cold, and loud environments that bred illness and constant physical aches. Third, raw wool was heavy with grease (lanolin), dirt, dung, and burrs, meaning carders handled filthy, foul-smelling material before it was even semi-clean. Fourth, breathing in fine, floating particles of dust, dirt, and microscopic wool or cotton fibers ruined workers’ lungs for a long time. Fifth, the dense metal or nail teeth on the hand cards frequently slipped or punctured the carder’s fingers and hands. Sixth, carding was often regulated to domestic chores, low-paid cottage labor, or harsh youth apprenticeships (such as the famously brutal carding apprenticeship endured by a young Millard Fillmore), carders sat at the bottom of the textile production ladder. Finally, carding offered zero creative outlet or variation, just endless, unyielding strokes to untangle and align fibers for pennies a pound.

284. Grocer – In our modern lives, grocery stores have always been central to people’s existence more than any other store. Yet, in history, running a grocery store could be a very painstaking process. First, grocers had to scoop flour, sugar, and lard out of massive barrels and haul 100lb sacks a day. Second, unpaved dirt roads meant dust, mud, and street waste tracked right inside. Third, heaters ran on dirty coal stoves, covering goods in soot while mice and rats infested the food stocks. Fourth, keeping dairy and meat fresh was a constant, losing battle before modern cooling. Fifth, customers bought food on a running tab and rarely paid upfront, leaving grocers short on cash for months. And you think grocery stores are struggling to stay in business today. Sixth, grocers didn’t have self-serve aisles. They stood behind a counter all day running back and forth to pull every single item a buyer requested on a handwritten list. Lastly, every sale involved arguing over prices and amounts with picky shoppers.

285. Wheelwright – In historical settings, wheeled carts and carriages are often a common sight. But being a wheelwright was far from a smooth circle. First, fitting the metal tire required heating it in a roaring fire before it glowed, then racing to slam it onto the wooden frame before it cooled too fast, risking severe burns. Second, quenching the hot iron with water caused it to instantly shrink, crushing the wood into a precise “dish” shape. Any miscalculation meant that a wheel could violently shatter or warp. Third, hours of hand-carving dense hardwoods like oak and ash led to chronic joint damage, splinter infections, and constant exhaustion. Fourth, wheels were made entirely by “rule of thumb” and eye without blueprints. If the spokes were off by a fraction of an inch, the whole wheel would wobble and collapse under a heavy wagon load. Fifth, wheels had to match exact load rut measurements down to the half-inch. If a new wheel didn’t fit the regional ruts, it couldn’t navigate muddy roads and the customer would reject it. Sixth, rural wheelwrights were a “one-stop shop” expected to build entire carts, fix farm gates, and craft coffins as the local undertaker. Finally, making a single set of durable wagon wheels took up to a week of intense labor, keeping workers trapped in a cycle of heavy, repetitive manual toil just to make a basic living.

286. Carnival Barker – In historical settings, you often see the carnival barker shout to onlookers to step right up to see some major attraction in town. But the life of a carnival bark wasn’t all fun and games. For one, promoters and crew worked exhausting, irregular hours under harsh outdoor conditions. Second, compensation was low and unpredictable, heavily reliant on how a venue or event performed. Third, living on the road meant sharing quarters with little to no personal space or stability. Fourth, a single rainy weekend could ruin attendance or completely wipe out expected earnings. Fifth, most traveling shows offered little to no health insurance or safety nets if a worker got hurt on the job. Lastly, the constant moving and high-stress environment made it difficult to maintain normal relationships outside the carnival bubble.

287. Falconer – Falconry is often associated with the Middle Ages as a cool practice. Yet, being a falconer was never as great as it looked. In a sense, it was the avian equivalent of a dog trainer charged with training a wolf as a hunting dog for some wealthier patron. First, falconers had to carry raw, bloody meat and clean massive amounts of sharp bird droppings, living in a permanent cloud of musk, meat scraps, and urates. Second, training a wild-caught raptor required “watching” a process where a falconer must remain awake for days straight, gently touching or keeping the bird awake to break its wild spirit. Third, a single botched flight could mean a trained, incredibly expensive bird would fly away forever, ruining months of work or angering a violent, wealthy master. Fourth, raptors possess razor-sharp talons and crushing grip strength. A single defensive squeeze or panic response meant deep puncture wounds that easily became infected. Fifth, falconers were exposed to lethal avian diseases like frounce (trichomoniasis) and fungal infections that could spread or ruin the hunting season. Finally, under historical English rulers like King Edward III, stealing or accidentally harming a noble’s trained hawk could be punished by death or heavy loss of status.

288. Janitor – In American public schools, the chief custodian is often considered part of the institution and often the guy who’s been there the longest. Many are even paid better than teachers. But in history, being a janitor was worse than any clean up job. First, due to the non-existence of indoor plumbing and flushing toilets, cleaners had to manually clean heavy, reeking chamber pots and clear out primitive privies and cesspits without protective suits. Second, early cleaning agents relied on harsh, caustic substances like lye, ammonia, and strong acids that burned skin and damaged lungs. Third, workers scrubbed floors with their hands and knees with stiff brushes for long hours, leading to chronic joint damage, cuts, and infections without rubber gloves or proper boots. Finally, custodial work was seen as menial and degrading, paying next to nothing while forcing workers to remain invisible and except employers’ verbal and physical abuse.

289. Ferryman – When it comes to crossing a dangerous waterway, you often rely on a ferry. But the lives of ferrymen weren’t always smooth travel. First, before mechanized engines, crossing a wide river meant hauling heavy wooden boats across using hand-over-hand muscle power on rough hemp ropes or long wooden poles. Second, ferrymen worked in freezing winter ice, torrential spring floods, and baking summer heat, without any shelter on open water. Third, standing on wet, leaky wooden flatboats meant chronic joint pain, damp clothing, and high rates of illness. Fourth, fast-moving runoff, hidden underwater snags like submerged trees, and heavy cargo such as loaded wagons or livestock could capsize a craft in seconds, resulting in frequent drownings. Fifth, living at remote river crossings meant long, lonely hours with little human contact outside impatient travelers. Sixth, most local operators earned very little money, relying on small coins or barter from passing peasants or merchants. Lastly, the arrival of modern bridges and steam-power boats in the 19th century instantly destroyed the ferrymen’s livelihood, leaving many desperate and destitute.

290. Gardener – Being a gardener seems like a rather peaceful life on the estate since it often entails just growing flowers. But the life of a gardener wasn’t coming up roses. First, due to power tools not existing yet, every inch of earth must be turned using heavy iron spades, wooden plows, or hand hoes without ergonomic grips. Second, gardeners spent 10-14 hours bent double weeding, planting, and harvesting in the mud. Third, watering meant hauling heavy wooden buckets from distant wells or rivers by hand. Fourth, plastic hoses, drip irrigation systems, and quick fixes for blights like pesticides didn’t exist. Thus, gardeners had to pick destructive caterpillars, beetles, and hornworms individually by hand. Fifth, a single unexpected frost, drought or hailstorm could wipe out months of work and result in starvation. Sixth, professional gardeners on great estates were seen as low-level servants, working long hours for little pay. Finally, for ordinary people, gardening wasn’t a fun hobby like it is today. In fact, it was life-or-death survival. As failure meant no food for winter.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 28 Garbage Collector to Chicken Farmer

Of course, when it comes to certain professions, we often don’t see what they were like whenever there was a new technological breakthrough in its infancy. While regulations were slow to catch up. Early aviation professions were extremely dangerous, especially during World War I. Early electricians were said to have minimal training and a high fatality rate. While drivers had to bake in their vehicles during the summer because air conditioning hadn’t been invented yet. Anyway, here are ten more historical jobs and the dark realities behind them.

271. Garbage Collector – Before his assassination, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had gone to Memphis to support a garbage worker strike. Now while garbage workers are very essential to our society, the history of this job has always been a very dirty business. For one, the job was extremely dangerous. Workers shoveled and lifted dense loads by hand without hydraulic trucks or safety gear. They suffered from cuts and infections from sharp objects, broken glass, and rusty metal hidden in the muck. While workers fell from high carts or were hurt by unpredictable, spooked draft horses. Second, working conditions can be very disgusting. Collectors waded through rotting food, industrial runoff, and dead animal carcasses left right in the streets. Many historical sanitation workers (like medieval “gong farmers” or night soil men) had to shovel raw human sewage out of cesspools by hand in the dark. While swarms of flies, rats, and dangerous pathogens covered both the trash and the workers handling them. Third, due to the foul nature of their work, society treated waste collectors as outcasts. Finally, pay was extremely low, leaving garbage workers trapped in poverty with no legal rights or health benefits. It was for the last of these reasons why King was in Memphis around the time of his assassination. And let’s just say when garbage workers go on strike in your city, it’s a municipal nightmare.

272. Dairy Farmer – A dairy farm often seems like a place of pastoral peace with cows in the pasture, cute calves, and the regular milking schedule. But the dairy farmer life wasn’t anything to squeeze at. First, cows must be milked twice a day, every single day of the year, meaning no weekends, holidays, or sick days. Work started well before dawn like around 4 AM and ended long after dark, leaving little sleep. Second, before modern machinery everything from pitching manure, hauling heavy milk cans, and milking was done entirely by hand. Third, without refrigeration, milk spoils rapidly. If a storm knocked out the power, the transport wagon broke down, or the local creamery flooded, the entire day’s income was instantly lost. Fourt, working with 1,200lb animals in tight spaces meant frequent kicks, tramplings, and bone fractures. Fifth, raw, unpasteurized environments exposed farmers to diseases like brucellosis and tuberculosis directly from the herd. Finally, if you read any of the James Herriot books, you may be aware of all the life-threatening complications cows seem to have when they’re giving birth, which is often a high-stakes, life-or-death situation. And it seems like Herriot’s calls revolve around bovine obstetrics more than anything else.

273. Bellhop – In old movies or anything with a historical setting, bellhops are often a feature at any high-end hotel scenes. But their life was anything but a charming room service call. First, hotels paid bellhops little to nothing, forcing them to rely entirely on guests’ generosity. A stingy guest meant doing back-breaking work for zero reward. Second, shifts regularly stretched past 12-14 hours a day, 7 days a week with no safety nets, sick leave, or formal rest breaks. Third, before rolling suitcases and modern elevators, bellhops had to haul giant, heavy steamer trunks up multiple flights of stairs by hand if the cage elevator was broken or packed. Fourth, workers answered to “2 masters” who were often the tyrannical hotel manager who could arbitrarily fine them for minor mistakes and demanding guests treating them like servants. Lastly, bellhops were frequently young teenage boys (or younger) who were subject to harsh discipline and denied proper education or growth just to save the hotel’s labor costs. But as far as child labor jobs were concerned, at least it’s better than chimney sweep or news boy.

274. Ship’s Cook – Like a ship’s doctors and carpenters, a ship’s cook was an essential part of the crew. He may even be Long John Silver if you’re reading Robert Louis Stevenson. But not everything about a ship’s cook life was tasty. For one, before electric stoves, cooking required open flames or brick hearths packed with sand on a floating wooden ship. One large wave could tip the fire and threaten the entire vessel. Second, when the weather became rough and the crew needed warm food the most, lighting a fire was strictly forbidden to prevent disasters, leaving the kitchen completely shut down. Third, like Long John Silver in Treasure Island, cooks were often older or disabled sailors unfit for regular deck work, meaning men with missing limbs or chronic injuries were tasked with heavy lifting in tiny, rolling spaces. And to believe this is one thing that Robert Louis Stevenson got right. Fourth, supplies like hardtack biscuits were frequently teeming with weevils or maggots. While salted meats turned hard as wood and rancid during long voyages. Since meat was soaked in heavy brine, it also had to be soaked and boiled in already scare ship water just to become chewable. Fifth, if rations tasted terrible (which they often did due to spoiled ingredients), the hungry, miserable crew blamed the cook rather than the supply system. Finally, disgruntled sailors or strict quartermasters closely monitored the food distribution, placing the cook at constant risk of punishment or violence if morale dropped.

“Oliver Chase and his first lozenge machine. 1847. (Courtesy Cambridge Historical Commission)

275. Confectioner – In the popular imagination, being in a candy factory feels like being in a fantasy world thanks for authors like Ian Fleming and Roald Dahl. But the life of a historical confectioner was anything but sweet. First, they stood next to open coal or wood fires for hours boiling heavy vats of sugar syrup, reaching temperatures over 300 ºF with no ventilation or air conditioning. Naturally, confectioners suffered constant, painful molten sugar splatters sticking to the skin and burning deep. They breathed in heavy clouds of burning sugar, spice dust, and sulfur fumes used to bleach sugar white. While they hand-cranked, pounded, pulled, and kneaded dense candy masses by hand before heavy machinery existed, destroying wrists, backs, and joints. Second, confectioners colored vibrant candies using toxic heavy metals like copper (emerald green), lead chromate (bright yellow), and mercury sulfide (vermillion red) before safe food dyes existed. Handlers and makers routinely handled arsenic and copper-laced pigments, resulting in chronic illness or death on the job. Then there’s the fact that sugar, molasses, and chocolate production were associated with slavery. But that’s a different story.

276. Cabin Boy – In books like Treasure Island, being a cabin boy seemed like embarking on a great sea adventure. But the life of a cabin boy was far from those fun maritime adventure stories. First, cabin boys were the cook’s helpers and did every filthy, unwanted job on the ship that grown sailors refused to do. While older crew members and officers routinely punched, slapped, or caned them for the smallest mistakes. Second, the work requires them to be active 24 hours a day with very little rest. Third, on warships, young boys often served as “powder monkeys” running explosive gunpowder bags to the gun decks while under enemy fire. Lastly, should a ship sink and survivors drift in a lifeboat starving, maritime custom and desperation dictated that the youngest, smallest, and most expendable person being the first chosen to be killed and eaten. Guess who’d that be. Yup, the cabin boy. This famously happened to a 17-year-old cabin boy named Richard Parker in 1884.

277. Valet – In Jeeves and Wooster, Jeeves is the definition of a perfect valet or gentleman’s gentleman and was always there to get Bertie Wooster out of some unwanted romantic entanglement. But valet’s life wasn’t exactly what Jeeves embodied. First, valets rose hours before their masters to prep clothes, draw bath, polish boots, and heat rooms. They were on call 24/7, sleeping near or traveling everywhere with their demanding employer. Second, valets had to shave, dress, or tend to the personal hygiene and whims of spoiled, erratic aristocrats. Third, should a master’s cravat be tied wrong, his boots not gleam, or his gun misfire during a hunt due to a late cartridge, the valet took the fury. Fourth, valets lugged heavy trunks, booked transit on the fly, and walked through dangerous terrain or weather carrying heavy gear. Finally, although it was a top-tier servant job, it was difficult to move higher, leaving many stuck as permanent servants with no real future. Although if Bertie Wooster took a wife, Jeeves would probably receive a major promotion to butler. Given that the guy is so brilliant and indispensable.

278. Stable Groom – In a great house before cars, there always had to be stables and people taking care of the horses. But being a stable groom wasn’t all a roll in the hay. First, stable grooms had to shovel heavy, wet manure and soiled straw all day long, then “squaring off” muck heaps by hand to limit terrible smells and flies. They hauled heavy buckets of water and pitched tons of hay without mechanical help. In addition, they even spent hours scrubbing mud, polishing heavy leather, and cleaning carriages after every single use. Second, stable grooms worked before dawn until past 8 or 9 PM, only finishing after the master’s horses returned from late evening social outings. Third, stable grooms contended with large, high-strung, or frightened animals in cramped, dark wooden stalls. This put them at risk of getting crushed, kicked, or trampled with no access to medical care or workers’ compensation. They also breathed in massive amounts of ammonia from urine and dust from hay, resulting in chronic lung problems and tuberculosis. Fourth, stable grooms worked in unheated stone barns during freezing-cold winters with ice cold water that risked numb or cracked skin. Finally, stable grooms were often treated on the lowest tier of the domestic staff. While they often slept in the loft above the horses in the heat, dust and smell.

279. Pig Farmer – Pig farming is indeed a stinky business, especially since their feces stink more than their fellow livestock brethren. But in the past, tending to pigs was a true endurance test. First, pigs took months or years to grow while consuming massive amounts of food without producing milk, wool, or eggs in the meantime. Second, historical breeds closely resembled wild boars, featuring sharp tusks, bristly hair, and dangerous tempers while distressed or cornered. Less cute little pink snout and more like roid rage Pumbaa. These would be the pigs that the Prodigal Son was tending to in the parable from Saint Luke’s Gospel. Third, free-roaming pigs constantly wrecked fences, gardens, and town property by digging with their snouts. Fourth, medieval and early modern towns frequently banned or fined pig keepers because heavy manure odors were believed to spread plagues and fevers. Fifth, loose pigs could knock over people’s livestock, such as the famous incident where a runaway pig killed a French prince by colliding with his horse. Lastly, farmers had to trek deep into forests during autumn to secure paid feeding rights (pannage) for acorns just to keep the animals alive through winter.

280. Chicken Farmer – Compared to being a pig or dairy farmer, chicken farming is often depicted as a peaceful venture. But being a chicken farmer before the Industrial Revolution was one where you couldn’t count your chickens before they hatched. First, outbreaks like Newcastle disease or avian flu could wipe out an entire flock overnight. Second, without artificial heat or commercial feed, freezing temperatures meant chickens stopped laying eggs and froze to death. Third, since antibiotics and vaccines didn’t exist, chicken farmers were left helpless against common infections and parasites. Fourth, for a long time, chickens were secondary farm chores usually managed by farm wives for extra egg money, not a primary wealth source. Fifth, chickens relied on foraging, bugs, and kitchen scraps rather than optimized commercial feed, making growth slow and unpredictable. Finally, weasels, foxes, hawks, and raccoons constantly raided chicken coops, requiring nonstop vigilance and heavy fortification.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 27 Bus Driver to Florist

Some of these professions depict people who struggled to make the world a better place. Suffragettes went to great lengths to gain the right to vote even going on prison hunger strikes and resorting to acts of terror. Union organizers risked their jobs and their lives to encourage workers to stand up for themselves and strike for higher wages and better working conditions. While muckraking journalists went deep into the dark corners of society to expose abuse, corruption and whatever was wrong with society during the Progressive Era. Anyway, ever dreamed about being in an old-timey burlesque show? How about selling wares as a peddler? Or maybe styling hair in ways that defy gravity? Here are ten more historical professions and their dark realities.

261. Bus Driver – A bus driver is often a common sight in the mass transit world. But in the past, driving a bus was anything but a smooth path. First, older buses lacked power steering, requiring massive upper-body strength just to turn the vehicle around city corners. Second, drivers baked in uninsulated metal cabins during summer heatwaves and froze during winter because heaters were either primitive or non-existent. Third, solid rubber tires, stiff leaf-spring suspensions, and unergonomic or hard-sprung iron seats transferred every single pothole into the driver’s spine. Fourth, poor engine combustion and leaky cabin seats meant drivers constantly inhaled heavy clouds of carbon monoxide along with raw diesel or gasoline fumes. Fifth, shifts forced bus drivers to be on duty during morning rush hour, sit around unpaid for hours, and return for the evening commute, stretching the workday across 12-14 hours. Finally, bus drivers had to manually crank heavy starting mechanisms, shovel coal, tend fires in early heating systems, and manually handle heavy luggage or freight.

262. Burlesque Performer – In historical media, burlesque performers always seem like the equivalent of an old-timey stripper with some manners. Yet, the life of these women was no striptease. First, performers on the major circuits (like the Columbia and Mutual Wheels) didn’t just pop inside for a local gig. They signed on for a grueling 40-week continuous touring season. Second, troupes endlessly traveled by train from city to city, performing the same heavy routines over and over in shifting, often rundown theaters. Third, audiences during the heyday of American Burlesque were loud, demanding, and rough. Performers faced immediate hostility, jeering, booing, and objects thrown by unimpressed crowds if a show failed or failed to entertain. Fourth, dancers regularly endured physical discomfort from wearing heavy, elaborate costumes and high heels while navigating unsupportive or leering environments. Fifth, as the 1920s and 1930s shifted to striptease, local authorities and vice squads targeted theaters with continuous raids and obscenity crackdowns. Dancers walked a razor-thin legal wire where a single misstep or gesture deemed too explicit could result in sudden arrest for corrupting public morals. In fact, entire houses were routinely shut down by municipal orders (such as New York City Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia’s total ban on burlesque in 1937), leaving performers abruptly out of work. Sixth, despite entertaining thousands, working-class burlesque carried heavy social stigma, branding performers as “low class” and ostracizing them from polite society or their own families. Finally, economic exploitation by theater owners and producers meant that despite the physical labor and risk, the actual take-home pay for chorus and line performers was meager.

263. Hairstylist – Many historical media feature elaborate hair styles among aristocratic men and women, especially in the 17th and 18th century. But styling that hair was anything but a beauty sleep. First, stylists mixed and adapted 18th century hair powders made of starch laced with toxic minerals like white lead, breathing in dangerous dust all day. Second, ancient and Renaissance bleaching recipes forced workers to handle raw wood ash, lye, sulfur and quicklime, all of which ruined lungs and burned skin. Third, early commercial hair and scalp colorants frequently relied on heavy metals like lead acetate, causing chronic poisoning. Fourth, elaborate washed updos styled with animal-fat pomades became breeding grounds of lice, fleas, and dust, forcing clients (and stylists managing wigs) to contend with constant infestations. Fifth, infrequent liquid washing meant managing hair heavily greased, matted, and packed with old dry powders. Sixth, building towering Georgian or Ancient Roman structures required holding heavy styling tools and maintaining awkward postures for hours without ergonomic chairs. Lastly, working in small, closed royal chambers or early salons meant constantly inhaling heavy aerosols, burnt animal fats, and harsh chemical fumes.

264. Shoemaker – Then and now shoes were amongst the most essential clothing when it comes to getting from point A to B. However, the life of a shoemaker was a grueling one and they couldn’t rely on elves to help them. First, tanning and treating leather required noxious substances like urine, animal dung, and chromium salts, filling small workshops with foul, lung-destroying stenches. Second, shoemakers spent 14-16 hours a day hunched over a work bench, driving awls and needles with heavy force, ruining their spines and chests. Third, constantly working with sharp knives, heavy awls, and hot wax meant deep cuts, punctures, and chronic infections were just the typical week hazards. Fourth, despite needing high skill, most independent shoemakers lived on the edge of ruin, famously struggling to afford enough leather for the next job. Fifth, when shoe-sewing machines arrived in the 19th century, factory owners forced people into 16-hour workdays for pennies. Lastly, true master shoemakers who built new shoes hated being confused with poor, illiterate “cobblers” who only patched old footwear. Although both groups worked endlessly just to survive.

265. Cobbler – Given that mass production didn’t exist, cobblers served communities by repairing old shoes. But a cobbler’s life was a brutal one. First, guilds of elite shoemakers (cordwainers) legally banned cobblers from using brand-new leather, forcing them to patch shoes using scraps or old materials. Second, calling a master shoemaker a “cobbler” was a severe insult due to cobblers being viewed as unskilled, uneducated, and perpetually impoverished. Third, cobblers spent their days handling rotting, mud-caked, and sweat-soaked shoes worn by people who rarely washed their feet or changed their stockings. Fourth, working low to the ground on a simple 3-legged stool or hard bench caused chronic, back, neck, and joint pain. Finally, hours spent pulling tight stitches, hammering iron tacks, and slicing thick hide with razor-sharp knives meant frequent punctures, cuts, and repetitive strain injuries.

266. Peddler – Traveling from town to town with an array of wares one can’t do without, the peddler often makes a presence in much of the historical public imagination. But being a peddler of goods was a much challenging profession than it looked. First, peddlers carried loads weight up to 100lbs on foot across rough terrain for miles every day. Second, they walked through mud, snow, and freezing rain with no reliable shelter or waterproof gear. Third, they spent weeks alone in remote areas without any medical help should they fall sick or break a limb. Fourth, they risked attacks from wild animals, highwaymen, and rough terrain long before modern roads or police existed. Fifth, locals viewed outsiders with intense paranoia, often accusing peddlers of being spies, thieves, or con artists. Sixth, governments passed strict laws treating itinerant hawkers like criminals or vagrants, requiring expensive licenses that many peddlers could rarely afford. Finally, marginalized groups who turned to peddling for survival (like the Roma and Jews as popularly depicted) faced compounded discrimination and community shame.

267. Snake Oil Salesman – Although snake oil salesmen may be sleazy con artists, they’re always seen as people able to put on a show in the westerns. Yet, being a snake oil salesman was no easy con game. And despite the name, not all of these snake oil salesmen didn’t always promote snake oil, just quack medicine of dubious effectiveness. First, snake oil salesmen hauled heavy wagons of fake medicine across rough, muddy roads from town to town with no permanent home. They’d also be forced to move quickly because once people used the fake tonic, they realized it didn’t work and turned hostile. Second, snake oil salesmen also weren’t above performing outrageous stunts like handling live, angry rattlesnakes on stage during medicine shows just to draw crowds. Third, they risked tarring, feathering, or physical violence from furious locals and cheated customers. Fourth, they always had to watch out for local sheriffs or federal inspectors enforcing fraud and misbranding laws. Lastly, they relied on fake plant-in-the-crowd testimonials that could fall apart any second if a real doctor showed up.

268. Store Clerk – In historical settings, it’s not unusual to have major characters take a stint as a store clerk, especially when they’re first starting out on their own. Yet, being a historical store clerk was absolutely brutal. First, shops opened at sunrise and closed late at night, often leaving workers with 14-16 hour days. And you thought working an 8-hour retail shift was bad. Second, clerks had to stand all day on hard wood or stone floors, and sitting was seen as a sign of laziness. Third, due to the nonexistence of pallet jacks and forklifts, clerks had to haul massive, heavy barrels of flour, sugar, and crates of goods by hand. Fourth, stores lacked indoor plumbing, proper heating, or air conditioning, meaning clerks froze during the winter and sweltered during the summer. Fifth without modern vacuums and cleaning supplies, sweeping thick layers of dirt and scrubbing wooden floors was a daily, exhaustive chore. Sixth, many historical apprentices and young clerks lived in tiny rooms above the shop owned by their boss, giving them zero privacy and total control over their free time. Finally, bosses could fine or dock a clerk’s tiny pay for minor mistakes like being a minute late or showing a lack of extreme politeness.

269. Perfumer – Back when people rarely bathed, perfume was essential to help rich people smell their best within the palaces or country estates. First, perfumers had to hand-collect or process raw ambergris (whale gut waste), musk (from slaughtered deer), and civet (anal gland goo from caged, terrified cats), which all smelled rancid before mixing. In addition, perfumers also used heavy metals and poisons like lead, arsenic, and mercury in cosmetics and fragrances. Second, early European perfumers often started as leather tanners, soaking animal hides in urine and dung before trying to cover the stench. Third, perfumers had to crush heavy roots, resins, and flowers by hand in hot, poorly ventilated rooms with open flames and boiling vats. Fourth, breathing in pure, choking alcohol fumes, chemical dust, and strong floral absolutes all day long caused chronic coughing and lung problems. Lastly, being tied to royal courts meant that during major uprisings (like the French Revolution), perfumers were viewed as enemies of the people and symbols of corrupt wealth. So you can guess that many of them met their ends to the guillotine just for their profession alone.

270. Florist – In historical settings, florists often have their work cut out for them. Because who’s going to supply the flowers for all those balls, weddings, and funerals? Yet, a historical florist’s life was anything but flowery. First, flowers died fast because shops relied on cold cellars and ice blocks instead of electric coolers. Second, workers handled freezing water, thorny stems, sharp wire, and heavy dirt all day by hand. Third, many popular plants and dyes used in old arrangements contained toxic chemicals like arsenic and lead. Fourth, because Victorians used strict floriography rules, mixing up a single bloom meant sending an accidental insult instead of love. Fifth, at funerals, florists faced immense stress building massive, bizarre funeral displays under tight public judgment and scoring. Finally, florists could only sell what local greenhouses grew or what arrived slowly by train or wagon. Assuming the flowers would still be alive by the time they’d arrive.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 26 Taxi Driver to Suffragette

Suffragists parade down Fifth Avenue, 1917. Advocates march in October 1917, displaying placards containing the signatures of more than one million New York women demanding the vote. The New York Times Photo Archives

              When it comes to historical professions, what makes them terrible may not always be the job itself. Sometimes it’s the low pay combined with lack of labor rights and safety regulations. Sometimes it’s lack of technical advancement and investment in better infrastructure. Especially when roads were just muddy tracks. Sometimes it’s lack of scientific knowledge in microbiology and sanitation. Sometimes it’s even lack of standardized systems of weights and measures as well as certain instruments like measuring gear or thermometers. And sometimes it’s plain old discrimination. Anyway, here are ten mor historical jobs that actually kind of sucked.

251. Taxi Driver – A yellow checkered cab is an iconic feature of many cities that you see on TV and movies before Uber came along. But being a taxi driver in the past was one with a myriad of challenges. First, classic workhorse vehicles like Checker Cabs featured heavy truck-steering and powerful winter heaters. But they completely lacked air conditioning during sweltering summer shifts. Second, drivers worked grueling 12-hour shifts sitting cramped seats, leading to chronic physical pain, fatigue, and an inability to find safe public bathrooms during a shift. Third, night shift meant regular exposure to stick-up men, erratic passengers, and fare beaters amid rampant urban crime. Fourth, taxi drivers regularly faced moral and physical dilemmas in decaying cities, often refusing service or fleeing “off duty” when flagged near high crime neighborhoods. Finaly, by 1979, fleet structures shifted heavily toward cab leasing models classifying workers as independent contractors. Under this structure, taxi drivers began every shift in a financial deficit, forced to pay upfront daily lease and gas costs before turning a profit on long, exhausting hours. Today, we call such practices as wage theft. No wonder Travis Bickle didn’t go to therapy in Taxi Driver.

252. Standard Bearer – In historical films, standard bearers are often the guys who carried the flag on the battlefield. But a standard bearer’s life was nothing worth waving the flag for. First, enemy troops instantly targeted standard bearers because dropping the banner ruined army morale and signaled a loss. Second, holding a heavy pole, eagle standard, or large flag meant the bearer couldn’t properly use a shield or weapon for self-defense. Third, bearers had to walk right at the front at every charge to guide the troops through smoke and chaos. Lastly, losing the unit’s flag brought permanent disgrace to the surviving soldiers and ruined the entire military command’s reputation. No pressure. Thus, soldiers fought to the death around the pole because letting go of the standard meant total defeat.

253. Jailer – In historical books, movies, and TV shows, the jailer often looks like the cool guy a character had to get past once the found themselves in the slammer. But a jailer’s life wasn’t anywhere near the dream it seemed on the outside. First, outbreaks like typhus (known as jail fever) regularly killed both prisoners and staff working in close quarters with them. Second, dungeons were damp, dark, and filled with human waste, creating a breeding ground for cholera and dysentery. Third, jailers had no medical knowledge, clean water, or protective gear to stop airborne or waterborne sickness. Fourth, guards handled desperate, violent criminals without modern riot gear, tasers, or backup support. Didn’t help that jails held rebels, murderers, and thieves with nothing left to lose. While gangs or prisoners’ allies on the outside often targeted jailers for revenge or bribes. Fifth, historically, many jailers had to buy their position and pay for the prison’s upkeep from their own pockets. Jailers only made money if they could extort fees, food money, or bribes from prisoners or their families visiting them. If a prisoner was too poor, the jailer lost money keeping them. Lastly, if a high-profile prisoner escaped, the jailer could face heavy fines, imprisonment, or execution for letting them go.

254. Tinker – Since a lack of mass production made many practical items expensive, tinkers existed to repair small household items like pots, pans, and other metal goods as well as do other odd jobs. But a tinker’s life was one of great instability. First, traveling tinkers were seen as outsiders. Locals distrusted them, accused them of stealing, and looked down on their nomadic way of life. Second, tinkers walked long distances in bad weather carrying heavy tools and metal stock. Their camps offered little comfort, and they lacked safe, permanent housing during harsh winters. Third, tinkers relied on small-scale repairs of pots and pans or odd jobs. Pay was low and unpredictable, entirely depending on whether villagers needed mending and were willing to pay. Lastly, working constantly with scrap metal, toxic solders like lead, and crude charcoal fires exposed tinkers to dangerous fumes, burns, and chronic illnesses without medical support.

255. Cartographer – Maps are essential for our navigation throughout our history. But before aviation and GPS, making a map wasn’t at all easy. First, painters used deadly poisons like lead white, arsenic green, and mercury-based vermillion for map colors, often licking their brushes into a fine point. Second, drafting microscopic grid lines and calligraphy by candlelight or dim window light quickly destroyed eyesight. Third, surveyors gathering raw data faced extreme weather, malaria, hostile locals, and fatal accidents while lugging heavy brass instruments through swamps and mountains. Fourth, explorers regularly brought back false distances, made-up islands, or missing coastlines, forcing cartographers to guess. For instance, maps copied a fictional rumor of 250 years showing California as a great island because a 1510 Spanish novel said so. While printers refused to fix it. Note that no Europeans were in California in 1510. Then there’s the Mountains of Kong that appeared on many African maps for nearly a century until people actually went to where they’re supposed to be and found a plateau landscape instead. Fifth, pressures from map publishers meant you can never leave a blank spot, admitting you didn’t know meant making up sea monsters or empty space that clients hated. Sixth, kings and trading companies treated accurate maps as classified military weapons. Showing a trade route or shoal incorrectly on purpose was standard to trick rivals. But getting caught meant prison or execution. Seventh, the Church punished or censored cartographers whose work clashed with biblical literalism or traditional cosmological views. Lastly, print shops regularly stole finished maps, meaning original cartographers rarely made a fair profit and starved while pirate copycats sold fake editions.

256. Train Conductor – In historical settings, a blue-clad conductor always appeared on board to greet passengers before their journeys. But life for a historical conductor wasn’t anything you’d see on Shining Time Station. First, shuffling between heavy railcars to manually drop link-or-pin or early knuckle couplers meant crushed fingers, hands, or limbs were constant risk. Second, derailments, head-on collisions, and bridge collapses regularly resulted in fatal or life-altering crush injuries. Third, early operations lacked modern automated brakes, requiring conductors to climb atop swaying, ice-covered freight cars in the dark to manually crank hand brakes. Fourth, conductors worked entirely exposed to freezing winter blizzards, pouring rain, and scorching summer heat without climate-controlled cabins. Fifth, shifts regularly stretched 12-16 hours before Federal Hours of Service laws strictly limited consecutive duty. Being on the “extra board” meant being on call 24/7 with very little notice to report for a run, destroying any hope of a normal family life. Sixth, train crews spent days stranded away from home, sleeping in sub-par railroad shanties, flea-bitten boarding houses, or caboose bunks. Seventh, exposure to coal smoke, soot, and dramatic temperature shifts triggered chronic respiratory issues, severe joint pain, and profound exhaustion. Lastly, witnessing pedestrians of vehicles struck by heavy trains or unshielded rural tracks left many train conductors with unaddressed psychological trauma.

257. Shipwright – In historical settings during the Age of Sail, wooden sailing ships appeared as floating castles gracefully moving across the sea. Although history buffs see them as perhaps the worst cruise ship experience of your life. However, building one of these as a shipwright was a nightmarish experience. First, moving massive oak logs and timber hulls required raw muscle power, primitive leverage, and heavy capstans that could break bones if a rope snapped. Second, sub-workers like pit sawyers spent all day in wet, dark holes beneath the timer stocks, covered in sawdust and sweat while pulling hand saws upward against gravity. Third, heavy rigging, rolling timbers, and spinning capstan bars regularly crushed limbs and shattered ribs. Fourth, workers boiled pitch, tar, and sulfur caulking by hand, breathing in toxic fumes ruining their lungs and burning their skin. Fifth, shipyards were muddy, open-air, and freezing in the winter or stifling in the summer. Finally, despite needing elite geometry and woodworking skills, ordinary shipwrights earned modest wages while facing constant risk of unemployment between major contracts.

258. Wrestler – In some historical settings, wrestlers also make appearances alongside boxers. But the life of a historical wrestler was anything but glorious. First, promoters classified wrestlers as independent contractors, meaning athletes paid out of pocket for broken bones, surgeries, and chronic injuries. Second, wrestlers lived out of cars and cheap motels, driving hundreds of miles every single night between small towns. Third, wrestling matches were punishing, and performers often had to “receipt” or physically fight back against rogue opponents or tough guys trying to expose the business. Fourth, local promoters regularly skipped gate receipts, and because there was no centralized union or oversight, wrestlers were often underpaid or cheated out of payoffs. Fifth, should a wrestler fall out of favor with a powerful booker like Vince McMahon Sr. or Sam Muchnick, they could be blackballed from every major territory across the country overnight. Lastly, performers needed to maintain the illusion of wrestling’s authenticity 24/7 in public, risking violent confrontations with aggressive fans who genuinely wanted to prove the sport was fake.

259. Butler – The genial butler who’s been with the family for over a generation is a key feature in great house in many historical TV shows, movies, and books. Bonus points if they have English accents even if it’s in 1920s Duluth (unless they’re black) or commit murder. But despite his manners, the life of a butler was anything but genteel. First, traditional great houses mandated butlers to remain single. As servant marriage was seen as a distraction, an unwanted expense, and a risk for petty theft, Second, living at the workplace meant no separation between life and duty: they were on call constantly 24/7. Third, butlers had to maintain strict emotional distance from both the family upstairs and the junior staff they managed. Fourth, butlers were held entirely responsible for the behavior and mistakes of every junior footman, maid, and valet. If the silver wasn’t polished or a meal was late, blame fell on them. Fifth, long before guests woke up, butlers oversaw heavy lifting, cleaning, and the meticulous logging and decanting of heavy wine inventories. Lastly, every social misstep, a clumsy move formal service, or showing visible stress could result in immediate dismissal and a ruined reputation. Especially if some blackmailer shows up over your past show business career as a straight man for The Cheerful Charlies. And should there be a maid in the dining room, well, anticipate possible societal collapse.

260. Suffragette – Suffragettes were often the women out protesting for women’s right to vote, especially during the Victorian Era and the Gilded Age. In Mary Poppins, they’re often seen as a bit out of touch with reality but inevitably right. Yet, being a suffragette was anything but a cakewalk. And the struggle for women’s right to vote was an incredibly brutal one that should never be forgotten or taken for granted. For one, standing on public street corners to sell papers or speak left women exposed to angry mobs, physical shoves, and flying debris with no police protection. Second, activists were routinely spat on, pelted with rotten food, and beaten by hostile crowds viewing them as unmanly or dangerous. Third, when arrested for vandalism or protesting, suffragettes went on hunger strikes to demand political prisoner status. Prison guards pinned down women and shoved metal tubes or rubber hoses down their throats or noses to force food into them, causing sever physical and mental trauma. The government released starving, sick prisoners just long enough to regain their health only to rearrest them and repeat the cycle. Fourth, many people including women, hated the militant tactics (like breaking windows and setting fires) and blamed suffragettes for turning public opinion against women’s rights. Finally, working-class suffragettes faced harsher punishments and less legal protection than aristocratic women who could use their social status to ease their burdens. In America, we should also understand the racial tensions regarding the Southern suffragettes who wanted the right to vote but not for their fellow black women as well as the white leaders like Alice Paul caving to them and selling out black suffragettes like Ida B. Wells. But like union organizers, we should thank God these women did what they did to earn the women’s right to vote. And we all have all these women to thank for it.