Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles with These Birthday Party Cakes (Fourth Edition)

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Next Saturday will be my 28th birthday. So like the few previous years, I usually commemorate the occasion with an assortment of crazy birthday cakes you’d find in a store thanks to Cake Wrecks. When you go to a bakery or store like Wal Mart or Giant Eagle, you usually expect the cakes they make to resemble what you’d see in a book they provide or what you’d specify. However, there are times when it’s not the case. Sometimes customers might see a cake with all kinds of mistakes or unintentional errors. But often they have to make the best of the situation. Since you don’t really want to waste a cake. So for your reading pleasure, I give you yet another assortment of birthday cakes gone wrong. Some of these might not be safe for work by the way. Enjoy.

  1. Perhaps you might want a Shrek cake for your birthday.

Okay, Shrek looks terrifying in this. Like he’d eat children and squeeze the jelly out of your eyes. No, he’s not like that in the movie.

2. Small children will always delight with a Barney cake.

Seems like Barney is giving himself a bikini wax. Nothing to see here, kids.

3. Anyone who enjoys Angry Birds will rave about these cakes.

Well, they hardly look angry and they barely look like birds. More like badly drawn Sesame Street characters.

4. There are plenty of kids who’d like a birthday cake of Sponge Bob Squarepants.

Well, it seems that Sponge Bob’s squarepants are now a speedo. And his legs are unusually long.

5. Elmo always makes a wonderful first birthday cake.

Sure he might be in a diaper. But, yes, his smiley face kind of freaks you out.

6. Sometimes when ordering a cake, it might be better not to specify the punctuation.

Since the word “comma” is written into the cake. Perhaps a grammatically correct cake isn’t all that’s cracked up to be.

7. They say many kids would want a cake of Dora the Explorer.

From Mommy Shorts: “Dora the ‘OMG! There are two giant walruses fighting over my hair!'” Though they don’t seem to have white tusks. But yes, the kind of resemble walruses.

8. Sometimes the instructions may get lost in translation.

No, I don’t think that person wanted a cake that said, “Giant 57.” More like a 57 in a giant font size.

9. Not sure if that person wanted a cake with ramen noodles on their mom’s cake, but there you go.

I think the cake decorator wasn’t supposed to hear “ramen noodles.” But it’s on the cake anyway.

10. Of course, children can’t resist a cake of Mickey Mouse.

Why did does Mickey have Princess Leia buns instead of his large circle ears. And why is he smiling like he’s about to stab me?

11. There are times when a nice birthday cake for a friend can go awry.

Yes, some “f” adjectives can be quite positive. But the word “fat” is usually not one of them. Though being “fit” and “fat” is possible.

12. They say youth comes to die at 40.

And his cake is of a tombstone with white and black roses. Well, you’re only young once I suppose.

13. When your baby’s turning 1, make sure the 1 candle isn’t in an inconvenient location.

Yeah, putting that candle between Winnie the Pooh’s legs make it seem like he’s having a wet dream. Still, isn’t he supposed to be a plush toy anyway? I mean Pooh’s not supposed to have any junk.

14. Uh, I think they just wanted the name “Al” under “Happy Birthday.”

You have people who might take instructions way too literally. You have to wonder why you even get cakes like these.

15. At every place, there is always someone who doesn’t take directions well.

This recipient ordered a cake with a green and yellow inscription. They got neither.

16. Happy Birthday, actually we want you to join a 12 step.

Not sure why they make cakes to get people into rehab. But I suppose it might work for some.

17. A kid named Nemo should naturally get a Finding Nemo birthday cake.

Still, Nemo and Dory don’t seem to be a lively pair on this one. Quite the contrary actually.

18. There are times when a cake can send the wrong message.

Was this a cake meant for Father’s Day for Gomez Addams? Or a birthday cake for Herman Munster? Cause this one seems quite grim.

19. Well, they said Stan enjoyed swimming.

Yet, this boy seems like he’s dead in the water. Think we might need a lifeguard in this case.

20. Happy Birthday Keith and Arianna and don’t worry about anything.

A cake with the saying “He trusts you!” doesn’t seem like a good sign for me. Just a thought.

21. There are some men who might want a fishing cake.

Though they wanted the name “Gary” in white. That didn’t happen.

22. “Happy Birthday, Sprinkles!”

Oh, they wanted sprinkles on the birthday cake. Still, at least they got that. Since it has plenty of sprinkles.

23. This person only wanted a 1 on this cake.

This is definitely for a boy’s first birthday as far as the color’s concerned. Yet, some decorator doesn’t know how to take directions.

24. Often an icing likeness doesn’t go over well.

And it seems like this icing girl doesn’t know how to smile. More confused at what’s going on. Like me looking at this cake.

25. A child would delight in a Scooby Doo cake.

Seems like Scooby Doo has a rather thick neck. Still, kind of freaks me out.

26. Apparently, Linda didn’t get what she wanted on her cake.

Looks like this cake didn’t get the cherry. But it did get the instruction which is barely a consolation.

27. A beach body cake should always have a bit of realism.

Though this is a bit too realistic. Seriously, I’m all for not shaving pubic hair. But that doesn’t mean it should be on a cake.

28. Sometimes people just want their cake to be simple.

Indeed this person, just wanted “Happy Birthday.” And they got in on the cake twice.

29. A monkey is always a wonderful motif for a baby’s first birthday.

Though the banana is unfortunately placed between the legs. Not really sending a family friendly connotation here.

30. A dresser cake is perfect for a young girl.

Though I think her name’s supposed to be “Bobbie.” I’m sure her birthday cake will lead to a lot of teasing in school.

31. A cake of a gorgeous woman would fulfill a man’s dreams.

Though there’s something phallic about this cake. I mean her boobs could be easily seen as balls for some reason.

32. You’re never too old to have a birthday cake with a Disney Princess.

Yet, strangely, Snow White doesn’t seem smiling in this one. Or smiling rather awkwardly.

33. Any Disney girl would love a crown cake for her birthday.

Well, it doesn’t seem to resemble a princess crown. More like a crown passed to a younger sister.

34. A 21st birthday is always seen as a rite of passage.

And this one has a Ken Doll puking into a toilet of sprinkles. Kind of disgusting if you think about it too hard.

35. “Happy Birthday Concentrated Debbie.”

Yeah, I have no idea what it means either. Also, what’s with all the cherries?

36. Someone must complain a lot.

I think it’s supposed to be “Whitney.” Still, this is kind of hilarious.

37. For some a birthday cake should have a festive spin.

Though this is a plain cake that says, “Happy Birthday and Fireworks.” Seems this isn’t what they wanted.

38. Apparently, someone has mixed feelings about their child.

Well, kids can seem like brats sometimes. Though this kid is probably turning 9 from what I can count of the candles. Then again, his name is probably Brad and he’s not an unpleasant child at all.

39. There are occasional cakes that can make flagrant accusations.

Let’s hope this is a misspelling of someone’s name. Because such accusation might put you on a sex offender list later.

40. Perhaps you might want a floral cake?

So who the hell names their kid Stick? Because this just seems kind of weird.

41. A rainbow cake should brighten anyone’s birthday.

I guess they wanted a birthday plaque. Not the word “Plaque.” Too bad they didn’t get what they wanted.

42. Best not mind the chocolate bits in the center.

This one says “Just Happy Birthday.” Still, the chocolate bits might be tasty. But they don’t do wonders on its appearance.

43. An 18th birthday cake should always have a unique design.

Though this cake seems more appropriate for a bachelorette party. Includes some silver decorations on the top.

44. Any young child would adore an Oscar the Grouch cake.

And here’s Oscar in his debut on The Walking Dead. And yes, he’s hungry for your brains.

45. Sometimes a birthday cake can be ordered on the stealth insult side.

Not sure if the “you whores” addition was intentional or not. But it’s kind of funny it’s on a cake with pink flowers.

46. Well, at least they included the clown hat.

Though they didn’t have to write it down on the cake. Just putting a clown hat on there would’ve been fine.

47. A first birthday cake should always have endearing characters.

However, these seem like they’re from some horror show. That figure seems like it’s coming apart.

48. There are some places where a tickling hand is appropriate.

But a birthday cake for a 30 year old man isn’t one of them. Also, it looks kind of creepy if you ask me.

49. Young boys always relish with Star Wars birthday cake.

Still, the message seems a bit odd. Sure he’s unlikely to become a Jedi. But does that mean you should have it on a cake?

50. Seems like they don’t know what to do with this birthday boy.

This could almost be a great birthday cake for Anthony Scaramucci. Since he only lasted in the Trump White House for 11 days.

51. A Harley Davidson cake should look badass.

Yet, the flames on this sheet cake seem rather pathetic. Doesn’t inspire any impressive feats.

52. Anyone with the Force would approve of a lightsaber cake.

Though the lightsaber seems rather erect. Like a Jedi has to show their rod.

53. There are those cake decorators who can’t make up their mind.

They think they should decorate a cake. But they’re not sure if it’s this one. And there’s the script.

54. Even adults couldn’t resist a unicorn.

Seems like this unicorn isn’t too happy. Also, doesn’t seem like it’s well drawn either.

55. A cake like this is only appropriate for an old tortoise.

Still, the turtle doesn’t seem lively on this one. Then again, neither is an average person turning 75.

56. You should always follow directions but not too literally.

These cakes say, “Happy Birthday on Both.” One has flowers. The other has a rainbow.

57. A birthday cake should always sparkle.

But a birthday cake that says, “Sparkle” doesn’t go so well. Though the flowers are pretty.

58. Always pipe the words on a cake after you spray paint it.

Because you can barely see “Happy Birthday” on here. Decorator should’ve waited a little while.

59. Apparently, Kelly is an Auburn fan.

Because it’s written on her cookie cake. Despite that the decorator didn’t really need to.

60. Everything should be in its proper place.

But that doesn’t mean they need a description in icing. Unless these inscriptions were for the decorator.

61. Perhaps a beach birthday cake may suit you.

Yet, this one has pumpkin decorations for some reason. Doesn’t seem to be right.

62. Happy Birthday to whoever’s covered in green.

Evidently someone put on the wrong name. So they blocked out in green. Now it’s a green blob.

63. A birthday cake should have a rather intricate design.

However, this seems to resemble a spiral with some yellow icing. Looks really disgusting.

64. When featuring a photo, always choose wisely.

Yeah, that isn’t a flattering picture. This is probably intentional. But if you’re a parent, would you want your kids to see you in a thong? No.

65. Even an adult could enjoy a cake of Chewbacca.

Thankfully, Chewie has aged better in the newer Star Wars movies than on this cake. Here he just resembles a giant Ewok from your nightmares.

66. A little girl will delight in this Minnie birthday cake.

Actually this is an android Minnie Mouse. She has no life in her. Nor any talents but smiling like a serial killer.

67. Back in the 2000s, young girls would die for a Hanna Montana cake.

Miley Cyrus today would’ve been embarrassed to see her likeness on this cake. Kind of makes her seem a bit cheeky.

68. A bunny cake for a kid’s birthday is always nice.

As long as it’s not the Playboy Bunny. But the parents of this 6-year-old didn’t get the memo. Seriously, Hugh Hefner was a creep and his magazine promoted the objectification of women.

69. Any boy would enjoy an Angry Birds birthday cake.

The contraptions are clearly made out of Kit Kat bars. Still, seems rather sloppy on the icing.

70. Not sure what would stink about a skunk cake.

Kind of says, “well, you’re rather cute but give a foul stench when you’re threatened.” Also, prone to get run over by a car.

71. Any Hawaiian girl would love a Hawaiian Barbie cake.

The grass skirt kind of resembles a broom. Perhaps this isn’t as good an idea as it’s cracked up to be.

72. Young children might enjoy a birthday cake of Bob the Builder.

Is that ground meat? Please don’t say it’s ground mea? Because that’s just plain unsanitary as disgusting.

73. A future free thrower craves for a basketball birthday cake.

The cake is a basketball court while the figures are baseball players. So this is basically a baseketball cake?

74. A Yoda cake, wise choice it is.

But family friendly, it is not. As Yoda show off his lightsaber upwards, he has.

75. Seems like someone getting money from decorating this cake.

Because they have the inscription, “Big tip if it’s there before 12.” Not something you’d want to see on a birthday cake.

76. Nothing brings smiles like a little horse cake.

More like a dead horse cake. Some little kid will be disappointed or traumatized on their birthday.

77. Any girl would want a cake with Belle and Cinderella.

Belle and Cinderella seem like they’re more likely to fit in a horror movie than Disney. Belle’s eyes are especially terrifying.

78. Nobody could hate a duck cake for a baby’s first birthday.

Okay, that duck seems like it’s going to kill someone. Don’t look it in the eye.

79. A clown cake is a smash at any kid’s birthday party.

Hey, I didn’t know they had a cake of Pennywise the Clown. I’m sure Stephen King’s It fans would love to see this.

80. I see this is a cake for Gandalf’s birthday party.

Well, he is incredibly old on Middle Earth. So it’s possible the wizard is 13,000 years old. And yes, they do celebrate birthdays there.

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Touchdown with These Super Bowl Sunday Party Treats (Fourth Edition)

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Now that we’re in the first days of 2018, it’s now time for NFL playoff season. During this time, the best NFL teams play each other to determine who will compete in the Super Bowl in February. Now for those who don’t live in the United States, the Super Bowl is an incredibly significant time of year in this country. There is no sporting event that receives more buzz or TV ratings than this game. Though I usually don’t watch the Super Bowl unless the Pittsburgh Steelers are playing in it. Mostly because as a resident of the Greater Pittsburgh area, I basically have to since everyone else mostly does where I live. Though if the Steeler face the New England Patriots, let’s hope a bad ref call doesn’t lead to them losing. Anyway, it’s quite common for people to hold Super Bowl parties with all kinds of food which is where I come in. So for your reading pleasure, I give you yet another assortment of Super Bowl treats. Enjoy.

  1. Nothing makes the New Olreans Saints go marching in like these cookies.

Okay, maybe not. But these are certainly professionally made. Consist of a helmet, jersey, fleur de lis, football field, and football.

2. Your Super Bowl guests will delight in these football brownie bites.

Well, these bites are shaped like a football. Or closest thing you can get to a football via brownie bites.

3. Make your tailgate buffet complete with these football French fries.

Surprised why we don’t serve these during the regular season. Then again, regular french fries are usually a football staple anyway.

4. Nobody can resist a peanut butter football.

It’s even covered with sprinkles with icing for the lines. Comes with vanilla wafers and meant for a dessert platter.

5. Care for some football Oreos?

If you’re not into party planning, these are the perfect Super Bowl treats to make. Just put the stitches on the Oreos.

6. These snackadium has all the goodies.

This was for the 2012 Super Bowl XLVI which had the New York Giants and the New England Patriots. Giants won by the way.

7. This snackadium contains plenty of buns.

Yes, I put a lot of these snackadiums on my Super Bowl treat posts. And yes, the can be quite elaborate.

8. Instead of an appetizer platter, how about snack tray cookies?

There basically tailgate snacks in sugar cookie form. But unlike the real items, they all taste the same.

9. Spice up your big game party with these jalepeno cornbread footballs.

Not sure if I’d want to eat one of these. Might set my mouth on fire.

10. No Packers party can do without some guacamole.

This one has multiple layers. And in true Green Bay fashion, it’s covered with cheese.

11. Celebrate the Carolina Panthers with a Cam Newton cake.

Yes, this was for a birthday. Still, we all know that last time they were in the Super Bowl, the Denver Broncos beat them.

12. Chocolate football pretzels make a great game day treat.

Yes, they’re supposed to resemble little footballs. But they all have a chocolate frame and white stitches.

13. Treat yourself to some Dallas Cowboys strawberries.

Hey, they beat the Steelers in the Super Bowl during the 1990s. And they tend to be contenders in the playoffs. So it’s only fair.

14. Packers fans would surely want a cheese cake on their dessert platter.

Well, a cake that resembles cheese. Since Packers fans call themselves Cheeseheads.

15. You’ll find these brownies on the 50 yard line.

Since they’re 50 Yard Line brownies. And yes, they’re covered in green sprinkles.

16. It’s no New Orleans Saints party without these cookies.

Yes, these are another batch of Saints cookies. But they did win a Super Bowl sometime in the 2000s. So it’s fair.

17. A big Steeler football game should always have a cake like this.

It’s a Steeler football cake. And yes, it’s decked in black and gold.

18. For healthy options, you might want this helmet fruit salad.

The fruit is stored in these watermelon helmets and a tray. Perfect for any Super Bowl party.

19. Perhaps you might want a stadium with sandwiches.

Well, this is a small scale snackadium as you see. Yet, the field is made out of guacamole.

20. You’ll score a touchdown with this fruit salad.

This is a fruit salad with a watermelon field. Consists of a football and goal posts, by the way.

21. There’s no better Super Bowl snack than chocolate football potato chips.

Okay, I think cover potato chips covered in chocolate is disgusting. But, hey, to each his own.

22. Nobody could resist these Rice Krispie treats in Arizona.

Well, these are undoubtedly professionally made. But Cardinals fans will sure chirp for them.

23. This Denver Broncos cake is a Super Bowl sensation.

Well, if Denver does make the Super Bowl. But this cake is quite spectacular.

24. No Super Bowl party is complete without a Pepsi snackadium.

Though I never drink Pepsi or any kind of pop. Still, you’ll find all the goodies in the stands.

25. Use these football buns for your game day burger.

Surprised that you don’t see these buns too often. Then again, regular buns work just as well.

26. This Saints cake makes a fine addition to any New Orleans dessert platter.

And if they don’t make the Super Bowl, you can use this cake for Mardi Gras. Since it’s a huge thing in that area.

27. Help yourself to these football hoagies.

These all have cheese for the stitches on top. But they contain whatever you expect for a sandwich.

28. A San Francisco 49ers snackadium should always contain gummy bears.

Though these contain vodka. so they’re definitely not for anyone under 21. Just warning you.

29. Care for a ref shirt cake on your game day dessert platter?

Not sure if this is a popular choice giving refs’ reputations. But yes, this does exist.

30. No one in Washington state should go without these Seattle Seahawks cookies.

All these depict the green Seahawk eyes. However, we all know the team ripped off their logo from Pacific Northwest Coast Native American totem art.

31. A football crepe cake should always be a seven layer dip.

Though how people eat this, I have no idea. Cause this is between a dip, a cake, and a sandwich.

32. A football snack platter should always include pretzels.

Well, flattened pretzel chips, anyway. But you still have the pepperoni pigskin and cheese.

33. Sit back for the big game with these Atlanta Falcons jello shots.

Because if they contain alcohol, then these will come in handy if your team loses to the Patriots within the final moments of the Super Bowl game. Like last year.

34. Support your Pittsburgh Steelers with this black and gold cake.

This is kind of shaped like a football. But it’s decked in black and gold stripes.

35. Care for some Seattle Seahawks jello shots?

Well, these are in Seahawks colors. Though always ask the host whether they contain alcohol before your kids get a hold of them.

36. You’d have to be mad not to like these football brownies.

The footballs are chocolate while the turf is icing. So I guess the brownie is dirt.

37. These football potatoes come stuffed with guacamole and veggies.

Not necessarily potatoes I’d eat. But they’ll probably be a hit at most Super Bowl parties.

38. Feel free to try some carrots on this football veggie tree.

This one has pea pods for football stitching. Yet, go ahead to try some baby carrots on this pigskin.

39. This snackadium comes with paper plates on the side.

Well, at least they come with stuff you can put the food on and wipe your face. Still, the stands have plenty of food.

40. These football pizzas can always use a bit more pizzazz.

So that’s why they have veggies on them. Make sense. Still, at least the stitching is made of cheese.

41. Might want to know how the game’s going between the baby carrots and cherry tomatoes.

Well, this is a stadium veggie tray. It’s like a snackadium but with healthier food.

42. These football brownies contain a Reese’s pieces surprise.

Not sure how they can be cooked into the brownies intact. But they sure look delicious.

43. Perhaps an empty guacamole field may suit you.

This one mostly consists of a guac dip field and Cheez-Its. Perfect for any platter at the big game.

44. I’m sure no one in San Francisco can resist these cupcakes.

Since these are 49ers football cupcakes. All have red icing and a gold football on top. Though the chocolate ones may take a knee against police brutality(okay, that turned out wrong).

45. These helmet taco treats come bite size.

Not sure how they make these. But if I wanted a taco, I’ll just take a taco.

46. Cowboys fans would adore this Dallas star cake.

Though a Patriot-Cowboy Super Bowl would fill my dad with dread. Since he hates both of these teams the most.

47. You’ll find plenty of cupcakes inside this snackadium.

This one was for the Steelers-Packers game back in 2011. Sure the Steelers lost, but whatever. Wasn’t like they were against Dallas.

48. There are no bad calls from these ref peanut cookies.

Well, at least they’re filled with peanut buttery goodness. So even if they rule out a game winning touchdown, you can eat them.

49. Try these cheeseburger cupcakes on any game day dessert platter.

These contain a chocolate cookie as a burger. The other toppings are pure icing.

50. A Seahawks cake like this can be a Super Bowl spectacle.

Yes, it has the Vince Lombardi trophy on top. Still, save it for the after party if the Seahawks make it that far.

51. Bet you didn’t expect a chocolate surprise from this football cake.

These have egg candies in them since they resemble footballs. Not sure how they pull that off.

52. Perhaps you might want to serve food in a wooden stadium.

Well, at least you can resuse this every year and on multiple occasions. Still, you have to wonder how much of the food gets wasted.

53. You can’t have a Super Bowl party without these pizzas.

These are from DiGiorno by the way. And each has a football theme for your party.

54. Care for some football toast?

This just consists of pumpernickel footballs with cheese and pepper slices on it. Simple as that.

55. You’d find a cheesy pigskin on this snack platter.

These are all arranged on layers in a football with the cheese stitches on top. The goal post is the dip tray, by the way.

56. Check out the plays on these brownies.

Well, they sure look like plays. Yet, you can’t really tell that these are food save by the Hungry Happenings caption.

57. Nothing makes a Super Bowl lunch like these pigskn paninis.

It’s just a sandwich on football shaped pumpernickel bread. Not my cup of tea, but I’m sure someone would enjoy it.

58. No snack tray should be complete without some toasted footballs.

Because they always go well with veggies and ranch dip. And your guests would love them, too.

59. Your guests will be impressed with these small hotdog rolls.

Well, these are rather small rolls with more bread on them than hotdog. But that’s beside the point. Still, the middle has mustard stitching.

60. Feel the Pittsburgh steel with these Steelers lemon bars.

Not a fan of lemon, thank you very much. But these still have the Steeler spirit on them.

61. Get a load of these slider cakes.

Yes, these are cheeseburger cakes. But they nonetheless look as tasty as the real things.

62. Always use green and yellow bell peppers for Green Bay.

I bet this is a supermarket display. But it’s nonetheless quite clever. Someone must be starving for customers.

63. Apparently, this cake doesn’t have much air.

Yes, it’s another deflate cake. Nevertheless, as long as Tom Brady’s a Patriot, I always have to include one of these.

64. Treat yourself to the big game with these football Rice Krispie Treats.

These have chocolate and icing on top to resemble footballs. Guaranteed to melt in your mouth.

65. You can’t go wrong with a Baltimore Ravens cake for the big game.

Though while the Ravens have one 2 Super Bowls, they’re not known for their players’ upstanding conduct. In fact, Ray Lewis has as many Super Bowl rings and murder indictments.

66. A Packers fan would certainly rave about this helmet cake.

Sure it doesn’t exactly resemble a helmet. But if it’s tastes good, it shouldn’t matter much.

67. Your guests would adore these Baltimore Ravens jersey cookies.

Includes jerseys of Ray Rice and Ray Lewis. You know the guy who was caught on camera beating his wife and the guy accused of killing two people.

68. This Dallas Cowboy star cake comes with plenty of football strawberries.

Still, the Dallas Cowboys are as beloved in the US as they are hated. But America’s football team, they are not.

69. You can feel the black and gold with this Steeler snackadium.

Well, this doesn’t seem to take much time and effort. Great a smaller party.

70. These New England Patriot cookies come well stamped.

Well, I had to put the Patriots in somewhere. Still, they’re a bunch of cheaters and shouldn’t have one against the Steelers. I mean it was a touchdown.

NCAA Championship Worthy College Sports Treats (Second Edition)

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Now that the festivities are over, it’s time we await the Bowl season which takes place around New Years. If you’re an American, you know very well that the NCAA Div. I football playoffs usually consist of 4 teams competing for a championship. How they’re selected, I don’t know. But it’s certainly not fair that Ohio State didn’t get a spot despite winning their conference while Alabama did despite not winning theirs. Yes, we know it should be a playoff style with conference champs playing each other. But I’m not sure why the NCAA ever does this. However, if a Div. I college football team wins it conference, they should have a shot at the championship. Hey, it’s only fair. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of college sports treats. Sure some of them might be cookies and cakes but hey, I have to deal with what I can find. Enjoy.

  1. Wolverine fans might want to get a load of this cake.

This one is covered with yellow icing and has the Michigan logo. Seems spectacular as a DIY.

2. Gator cookies always make a tasty Florida treat.

Well, University of Florida treats that is. Includes the logo, gators, footballs, and more.

3. Bet no Volunteers can resist this cake.

And it seems to have the cream orange and white polka dot patterns on the tiers. Yeah, I know it’s a horrifying color combination.

4. Care for some Oregon hoodie cookies?

Because Oregon Duck cookies wouldn’t look badass enough. Okay, I’m probably kidding on that one.

5. Bet this stadium cake is a dream for a Texas A&M fan.

Well, if your college mascot is an Aggie, then this is probably a better option. Still, you have to marvel at the detail

6. I’m sure anyone from BYU might get a load of this cake.

Yes, I know this is a Mormon school founded by the leader responsible for founding Utah. But still Brigham Young had a bunch of wives which doesn’t do him any favors.

7. Ohio State cupcakes should always match a cake of Brutus Buckeye.

Though to be honest, Brutus Buckeye is kind of creepy. But at least some of these cupcakes don’t have his likeness.

8. A Georgia cake should be on the gridiron.

This one has the logo on top of the gridiron sheet. Their mascot may be a bulldog, but the large G stands out.

9. Texas Christian fans would adore these cookies.

This one includes footballs and the state of Texas. Because we all know how much Texans love their football.

10. How about a cake from Oregon?

Notice how they don’t have a duck on it. But yes, the logo is rather stellar.

11. Coyote fans will adore this Arizona cake.

Yes, I know I have a lot of college sports cakes on this post. But I have to deal with what I have.

12. For those rolling the tide, you’ll surely go for these sweet Alabama cupcakes.

Though many aren’t happy with Alabama making the playoffs. But the houndsooth is a nice touch.

13. If you’re a Seminoles fan, you’d probably enjoy these Florida State cake pops.

These are covered in white icing and red and gold sprinkles. Only the plain white ones have the “FSU” on them.

14. For Baylor Bears, get a load of these cookies.

Yes, these are for women’s basketball. But as far as college sports go, I usually don’t specify.

15. No tailgate party should go without these Texas A&M cake pops.

Well, these seem professionally made. Yet, appear easy and not too flashy.

16. You can be rather cavalier about this Virginia cake.

This is from the first public university founded by Thomas Jefferson himself. And yet, their mascot is a term used for royalist supporters of the English King Charles I.

17. Mountaineers can never resist a cake like this.

This one is decorated with blue stars along the base. A stellar cake for any graduation.

18. This Mississippi State cake really rings a bell.

And it’s certainly a cake of a bell as far as I see it. Not sure what’s the significance.

19. Anyone from Auburn will roar over a cake like this.

This cake just depicts Aubie lounging on some brick wall. It’s probably not a cake most Tigers fans will get anytime soon.

20. For cause of celebration, this Nittany Lion cake might come in handy.

This one has 2 tiers and depicts the Nittany Lion. And it’s decorations are quite festive.

21. You’d almost think these Razorback cupcakes are high on the hog.

After all, these are from Arkansas while razorbacks are hogs. And yes, they have a rather vicious reputation.

22. I’m sure Oklahomans would want these cookies sooners.

Since their team’s the Sooners. And I guess these cookies have a lot to do with football.

23. This football cake has the classic Tar Heel touch.

This comes from the University of North Carolina in case you’re wondering. And yes, the football is on the turf.

24. This Nebraska stadium cake is a Husker’s dream.

No, I am not familiar with Nebraska in any sense of the state. But this cake is quite spectacular to see.

25. You can always dessert like a champion with these Notre Dame cookies.

And I guess this one pertains to football which the college is best known for. That along with Catholicism and Irish stereotypes.

26. Perhaps an Ohio State cake with Brutus’s face may suit you?

Well, one without Brutus Buckeye’s face on it. But here it serves as a tier.

27. You can’t guess the matter with these Kansas Jayhawks cookies.

Includes the Jayhawk, a stadium scene, and a football. Perfect for any Kansas plate.

28. Try chomping on this beaver cake from Oregon State.

Includes a beaver on the front. And let’s just leave it at that. Because beavers don’t always refer to these rodents.

29. A Volunteer cake should always have a bow on top.

Once again, it’s another creamcicle cake of two tiers. And no, orange and white don’t go well together.

30. Penn State cookies are always a Nittany treat.

Consists of 2 Nittany Lions and the Penn State logos. Available in the University Park region.

31. You can really sink your claws in this Cincinnati cake.

Well, their team is the Bearcats. So the claws on the C is only fitting.

32. Perhaps a sheet cake from Ohio State may suit you.

Too bad this school didn’t make the Div. I playoffs despite winning its conference. I know it’s not fair.

33. Always need a few buckeye nuts on a OSU stadium.

Well, the nuts on this one are made of peanut butter and chocolate. But it nonetheless seems tasty.

34. Care for a helmet cake from Central Florida.

You don’t hear much about this school but it’s in Orlando. So there’s a strong chance many of its students work at Disney World.

35. You can’t do wrong with an M cake for Michigan.

This is undoubtedly a wedding cake. As you can see with the bride and groom helmets.

36. May I suggest this Wolverine stadium?

This one uses yellow and blue candy for the crowds. And yes, it’s Wolverine supreme.

37. You’d be insane not to miss this Louisville Cardinal cake.

Of course, you hear more about Louisville during March Madness. But this cardinal is rather fierce.

38. A toilet paper tree should be on every Auburn cake.

Not sure what the significance of that is. Maybe toilet papered trees in Auburn is to couch burnings in West Virginia.

39. No Auburn grad could resist these cookies.

Well, they’re blue graduation caps with orange tassles and AU on them. And they come in a dozen.

40. Perhaps this Purdue sheet gridiron cake will certainly be a Boilermaker’s special.

This one has gold and black on the edges as well as black goal posts. I’m sure fans would want it.

41. How about rebelling on a cake this Ole Miss stadium?

This is mostly in blue and red with the white stadium walls. Yet, it’s quite a treat.

42. Perhaps your Texas cake should receive the chocolate treatment.

Yes, I know plenty love their Longhorns. But I kind of think this is ridiculous.

43. This Michigan tower cake is truly epic.

This one has a tower, a football, and the Michigan logo. Definitely the envy for any Wolverine fan.

44. Nothing makes a big game dessert like these TCU cupcakes.

This one has a lot of purple decorations including a couple of cowboy boots and flowers. Love these.

45. Any Ohio State mom would want these cookies.

Yes, I know this is for Mother’s day. But yes, there are plenty of moms who love sports.

46. You’d put a ring on this Texas A&M cake.

Yes, they have to have fancy cakes like these. People in Texas must really love their college sports.

47. This WVU football helmet cake will certainly score.

Great for any tailgate or couch burning party. Okay, maybe not the couch burning one.

48. Michigan cookies make a fine addition to any Wolverine dessert platter.

Includes ones of khaki pants, footballs, and jerseys. The outfit is the craziest one of all.

49. You’d almost think these desserts were kind of hokey.

That’s because the Hokey is the mascot for Virginia Tech. And yes, it’s a chicken while the cupcakes have chicken prints.

50. Support your LSU Tigers with this purple and gold cake.

Includes purple stripes and gold paw prints. And all in LSU Tiger glory.

51. No one can miss these Baylor cookies.

These consist of the logo, Texas, the bear paw, hearts, and some expressions. And all covered in white, gold, and green icing.

52. Grace these Auburn cookies on your dessert platter.

Yes, these cookies are probably for a graduation. Yes, they’re professionally made. And yes, they include the logo.

53. TCU fans will adore this horned frog cake.

And yes, it’s purple per TCU colors. Still, this is quite interesting to look at.

54. The O in Oregon always looks good on the gridiron.

Well, that’s a clever way to use the O. And yes, this is for birthday.

55. With Ohio State, you have the O’s for tiers.

Includes the chocolate buckeyes and leaf on top. Too bad this will only be used for a Bowl game for 2018.

56. Bulldog fans would drool over these Georgia cookies.

All they have is just a black G on white with red edging. And yes, they’re perfect for any Georgia dessert platter.

57. Speaking of Georgia, care for this ferocious cake?

Yes, it looks quite mean like a junkyard dog. But that’s pretty much intentional.

58. These TCU treats come bite sizes.

These are all purple with the TCU letters on them. And yes, they come in wraps.

59. You’ll need plenty of nuts for this Ohio State cake.

As I said before these nuts are made from peanut butter and chocolate. But in this case, they surround the cake.

60. This Louisville Cardinal cake shows its cardinal pride.

Yes, this is professionally made. But you have to admire the intricate design on this one.

61. Alabama fans prefer a cake as mighty as the Crimson Tide.

And yes, it has a football on top. This cake was probably used for the NCAA for putting them in the Division I playoffs, hypothetically speaking.

62. At North Carolina, nobody can resist this Tar Heel gridiron cake.

I know I have shown a lot of these stadium cakes for this post. Yet, some of these are about as unique as they are incredible.

63. Redwolves fans may want these Arkansas State cookies.

Indeed, these are for volleyball. But they nevertheless count. Even if college volleyball games aren’t televised outside cable and public access.

64. You’d find that both sides of this cake form a U.

Well, this is from the University of Miami. Yet, this one seems rather simple to assemble.

65. For March Madness, you might enjoy this cake for Louisville.

This one has the Cardinal smack dab in the center. After all, as I said, basketball is what Louisville is best known for.

66. Illini fans might enjoy a bite out of this cake.

This is a cake of Chief Illiniwek who served as the school’s mascot until recently for obvious reasons. Though it’s quite the design which will be devoured.

67. This Osceola cake is perfect for the Seminole fan.

Yes, this is a Florida State cake depicting Osceola on a horse. Because Osceola was the head of the Seminole and fought whites trying to take over their land and send them to Oklahoma. Or kill them.

68. For a Blue Devils basketball games, these cookies will do nicely.

Duke is another big basketball school. Includes jerseys and hearts in blue and white.

69. This Ohio State cake is in pure Buckeye glory.

Has a helmet on top of a patch of turf. Great for winning your conference but not making the playoffs.

70. Bearcats fans will rave on this cookie cake.

Well, a Cincinnati Bearcats fan. Though this more or less resembles a cat getting electrocuted in my opinion.

The Sweet Candy World of Gingerbread Architecture (Second Edition)

gingerbread house

Now we go to the gingerbread houses. For many families decorating their very own gingerbread house with candy is a tradition. Often children build these with their parents’ help, usually decorating them with frosting and candy. Though the tradition is alive in some places in Europe than others. In Sweden, people make their gingerbread houses on Saint Lucy’s Day. And since 1991, the people of Bergen, Norway have built a gingerbread city called Pepperkakebyen which is the largest of such in the world. Washington D.C. also builds its own “Gingertown” every year as well. So far the world’s biggest gingerbread house was built in 2013 in Bryan, Texas by a group to raise funds for a hospital trauma center. The house was 2,520-square feet and comprised of 2,925 pounds of brown sugar, 1,800 pounds of butter, 7,200 eggs and 7,200 pounds of general purpose flour. The world’s largest gingerbread village was created by an executive sous-chef at the New York Marriott Marquis hotel which comprised of 135 residential and 22 commercial buildings. It even included trains and cable cars made of gingerbread. Nevertheless, a gingerbread house doesn’t have to be an actual house, which can range from a small cabin to a castle. Sometimes you might see gingerbread churches, stadiums, museums, and other structures. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of delectable gingerbread houses.

  1. Come over to this gingerbread amusement park.

Includes a carousel and a ferris wheel. All decorated in frosting and candy goodness.

2. Perhaps you may be charmed by this stone church.

Sure it may not have the lavish candy decorations. But you have to love the ornate windows.

3. A gingerbread house should be decked with boughs of holly.

Has a roof covered with snow. Seems like a rather old-fashioned place with an old timey car.

4. Sometimes it’s best to start simple.

Has candy covered on the roof with frosting on the edges. Includes an iced porch with a candy cane column.

5. This castle is the stuff of fairy tales.

This one has several towers with rich detail. Includes gingerbread trees as well.

6. Christmas is always a festive time of year at this Victorian house.

This beautiful house has it all festive for Christmas. Got to admire the detail on this.

7. A gingerbread castle always delights those in the happiest place on earth.

This is a depiction of Cinderella’s castle in all its Christmas glory. And yes, the wreath is in the shape of Mickey Mouse.

8. A charming gingerbread house should include a space for plants.

This one has a greenhouse made of pretzel sticks and jello. Still, makes a rather quaint home with the Christmas decorations.

9. You’d almost think this was a village inspired by Mother Goose.

And in a way it is, since it includes most of the characters from Mother Goose rhymes. But it only comprises of 3 buildings.

10. How about a small, stone Christmas cottage?

You can easily find a house like this in your neighborhood. Still, you have to love the Christmas decorations on this and the greenery.

11. Even a lavish hotel can certainly deck the halls.

I’m not sure what this building’s called. But it’s surely decorated for the holidays nonetheless.

12. Of course, you can’t have Christmas without including a nativity scene.

Since I didn’t include one in my gingerbread post last year. And yes, this one has an inn in the background.

13. Perhaps a gingerbread pagoda will suit your taste.

And we have this one shining like a pillar on its foundation. Like the white roof. So pretty.

14. A gingerbread church should be in its most festive.

This one is certainly fit for Candyland. Got to love the beautiful pillars of candy.

15. Those in warmer weather might want to consider this gingerbread beach cabin.

Includes a surfboard and lifesaver. Not sure whether that’s brown sugar or sand. But to each his own.

16. Care to take a look inside Santa’s bakery?

Inside you have Santa with the tree as well as Mrs. Claus and her helpers. Though the sleigh and reindeer are outside.

17. I guess you call this a Santaland fun fair.

Yes, it’s another gingerbread amusement park. But this one even has a fun slide and fun house.

18. A fancy gingerbread house needs to include every trimming.

This one has candy cane columns and all kinds of sweet stuff. But the design is so charming.

19. Care for a carriage ride.

Yes, this is a gingerbread horse drawn carriage. Like they had in the olden days. Though a ride in this thing wouldn’t have been pleasant back then.

20. Hope you can hold your candy canes for this wild ride.

I guess this is a local attraction. Nevertheless, you have to admire the structure since a gingerbread roller coaster seems hard to pull off.

21. Hop aboard on the Popcorn Express.

Last year’s gingerbread post I had a gingerbread train station. This year it’s a gingerbread train with popcorn smoke.

22. For a Christmas without snow, a gingerbread sandcastle may suit your fancy.

Caption reads: “Kristen Coniaris with her giant gingerbread house cookie sandcastle decorated with royal icing, ground cookies, candy for Viacom’s holiday beach party.”

23. And I see bakeries are getting in the act of gingerbread competition.

Yes, bakeries do compete in gingerbread contests. Still, I really love the candy roof on this one.

24. A gingerbread house like this is all too sweet to not love.

Includes heart candy decor on the roof and candy cane columns. And yes, the previous one is in a similar style.

25. You might be fond of this gingerbread house underwater.

Yes, this is an undersea gingerbread house. Like how the roof is covered in clams.

26. Even a gingerbread log cabin can look spectacular.

This one is covered in pretzel sticks instead of gingerbread. But it’s included in this post since it abides by the form.

27. If you’re sick, how about go to a gingerbread hospital?

Well, this is kind of cute. Though the horse drawn ambulance kind of keeps me from getting any treatment there. Because I could tell their doctors must practice some kind of Civil War era medicine.

28. Any Christmas village deserves its own Christmas cathedral.

Okay, it’s more a castle. But it certainly has lofty towers and walls. Love it.

29. Those who love the 1960s might want to see this hippie gingerbread house.

Has a bright colored house with surfboards and a VW bus. Groovy, isn’t it?

30. Perhaps you might prefer a brick home with fancy lattice.

Yes, it’s another fancy home on this post. And though this photo doesn’t show the porch, it has a dog house in the back yard.

31. If you love Pixar, you might adore this Up gingerbread house.

The balloons are made of jelly beans. But you have to like how it’s floating over the base.

32. How about an island gingerbread hut for starters?

This one has shredded wheat on its roof for straw. Also, uses fruit roll ups for a hammock and towels.

33. You can always let it snow on this white gingerbread house.

Comes with green candy cane columns and wreaths on the windows. So lovely and cozy.

34. You’d almost mistake this place for an old timey homestead.

Yes, it looks quite quaint for a rustic home. Yet, you have to admire the green shutters on the windows.

35. Now this is what you call a perfect Christmas house.

This one seems like a place Santa himself could live in at the North Pole. Got to adore the snow covered red roof.

36. Sometimes it’s all in the tiny details when it comes to gingerbread.

Comes with a green roofed sun room. And yes, it’s all decked for the holiday season.

37. How about a small winter castle?

Sure it’s on the small side for fairy tale establishments. But it’s quite picturesque. Oh, the wonders you can do with frosting.

38. Perhaps you might want gingerbread abode in a Tudor style.

Certainly seems like the kind of home you’d see in a fairy tale village. Doesn’t seem to have a lot of Christmas decorations though.

39. Bag End looks ready for the holiday season.

It took me awhile to realize this by the way. At first, I thought the guy with the shaggy beard was Hagrid. Now I realize it’s Thorin.

40. You’d be in a winter wonderland with this white castle.

At least they don’t serve burgers here. Still, it’s quite a majestic sight.

41. Enjoy your island stay in one of these gingerbread huts.

This one consists of 3 huts on a porch. And they’re all in front of a beach.

42. Those who enjoy Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas will enjoy this gingerbread house.

This is Cindy Lou Who’s house where the Grinch first stopped. You can see the lights from the sack.

43. A green gingerbread house can always make things more festive.

Has a lovely façade with wonderful Christmas decorations. I suppose the Christmas tree is an ice cream cone with frosting.

44. Seems like we got ourselves a colorful candy factory.

Seems like the kind of factory you’d expect if you had a child of Willy Wonka and Lisa Frank enter in the confection business. Though let’s not dwell on the working conditions here.

45. A red brick church can always bring in the holiday spirit.

Caption: “Boyajian made a replica of the St. Aloysius Church near Dieterich out of gingerbread. He and a friend even measured the outside of the church so he could make it to scale. He spent more than 200 hours on the project.”

46. Perhaps this gingerbread caravel will enchant you.

Yes, it certainly looks very majestic. However, real wooden ships were hellholes with cramped spaces, spoiled food, shitting, and disease.

47. A gingerbread carousel should always delight.

You may not be able to go on the carousel during the Christmas season. But this is nonetheless charming.

48. Santa Toy Works seems incredibly busy these days.

Love the bright colors they used on this one. Hope those presents get made in no time.

49. Here we have Santa at some beach house down on the shore.

Well, someone must be kicking back near the waves. Hope Santa doesn’t get too hot.

50. Seems like someone’s waiting for something.

This one almost looks like a miniature of a McMansion. The stonework is incredible.

51. For a more modern flair, how about Fallingwater?

To be fair, Fallingwater is basically overrated as far as architecture’s concerned. If you want to visit Fayette County, you’re better off spending your afternoon at Fort Necessity.

52. I’m sure no gingerbread man wants to be put away in this place.

Well, one for a western town, anyway. Still, it lights up from the inside.

53. Someone’s Model T needs a few repairs.

Never thought I’d see a gingerbread mechanic’s shop before. And an old timey one at that.

54. How about a lovely rustic barn?

This one has trees, red doors and trim, and all the animals galore. So quaint.

55. You see this small ship departing from this gingerbread harbor.

Almost resembles a postcard. Got to love the lighthouse here.

56. You’ll find plenty to discover at this castle.

This is quite interesting. Not necessarily Hogwarts. But quite stunning just the same.

57. Boston Red Sox fans will love this gingerbread Fenway Park.

Though I’m sure there’s a gingerbread of Yankee stadium for New York Yankee fans seething at this. Still, I’m not sure why it’s green.

58. This gingerbread igloo is great in the snow and ice.

This one has little gingerbread bricks with reindeer and an Inuit on a sled. So adorable.

59. Nothing can match this gingerbread cuckoo clock.

This one almost resembles the real thing. Though it’s not nearly as annoying.

60. Seems like Gondor has called for aid.

Yes, that’s a gingerbread reenactment of the Battle of Gondor from Return of the King. And those are gummies in the epic fight.

61. You’d almost think this was a high class tower house.

In a way it is. Kind of reminds me of something you’d see from A Series of Unfortunate Events. Includes a nice patio though.

62. Seems like this house got some snow.

This almost looks like a model. Love the rich detail on this Victorian. So lovely.

63. “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto.”

Got to like the tornado in this one. How this pulled it off, I’ll never know.

64. A quaint cottage should always come with a thatched roof.

Almost seems like a quality fairy tale home. So lovey with the stone foundation and wooden beams.

65. Now this is the ultimate gingerbread winter palace.

And yes, it’s certainly huge beyond belief. But you have to love the towers.

66. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas at this gingerbread store.

Contains display windows at the first floor. A great place to shop during the holidays.

67. Have a wonderful Christmas thanks to this tree place.

Here we have Santa with a nice tree decorated already. And there are still some trees outside.

68. Santa always makes sure to visit the treehouse.

Though he appears to want to be somewhere else. Not that I blame him either.

69. So Santa lives in a castle at the North Pole.

Nevertheless, it’s a pastel house with candy cane edging all over. Bet it smells like peppermints.

70. Then again, Santa’s house could easily be a green and red Tudor.

Though I think it would better with dark green beams. Includes a stone foundation with a staircase.

71. A red carousel can always evoke the Christmas season.

This one includes a generous amount of red and green frosting with flowers. And I bet the top includes lace decoration.

72. A simple storefront always seems quaint during the holidays.

Well, doesn’t seem to use a lot of decorations. Though you can see Santa on a roof. So lovely.

73. Here you’ll find a white stone house covered in ivy.

Yes, it seems like nature has dominated this place. Though you can see a couple of Christmas wreaths.

74. For the small and mobile bunch, perhaps a gingerbread camper might do.

Has a Christmas tree tied to the top. Thought it was supposed to go inside.

75. Hop aboard onto Rudolph Air.

It’s a Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer airplane. Not necessarily in line with Christmas lore, but I don’t mind.

76. You might find a bird singing in this gingerbread bird cage.

I see it’s supposed to emanate some of the 12 Days of Christmas. Though I don’t think that song actually makes any sense.

77. You’d almost think things got crazy at this place.

This one kind of reminds you of what you’d see in Whoville. Because you wouldn’t see a house like this in real life.

78. Somehow an elf can have a bed and breakfast at the North Pole.

Though it has fine Christmas decorations as well as red and green trimmings. So lovely.

79. Hope you can spend some time alongside this gingerbread mill.

Comes with a waterwheel. But still has a Christmas wreath for the season.

80. Perhaps you want to spend Christmas in this cozy red house.

This is quite lovely. Has a yellow roof and Christmas decorations all around. So pretty.

81. You’d almost swear they were celebrating near a Chinese shrine.

Okay, it might be for Chinese New Year which is in February. But it’s nonetheless stunning just the same.

82. This gingerbread structure will certainly take you back in time.

Though some people in the past might not get why Dr. Who has Christmas decorations on his Tardis. This is especially if they’re from ancient times.

83. For Native Americans on the Plains, you might want to consider a gingerbread teepee.

This one has an Indian near a campfire. And yes, the teepee’s covered in candy like the houses.

84. Seems there’s a lot of flotsam and jetsam floating near this dock.

This one has a yacht club building. But yes, the water doesn’t look great here.

85. Nothing makes a German Christmas better than a gingerbread Neuschwanstein.

This is a Bavarian castle built by the mad king Ludwig II. But it’s nevertheless spectacular.

86. “That’s no moon. That’s a gingerbread space station.”

Yes, that’s a gingerbread Death Star from Return of the Jedi. And yes, it’s pretty awesome.

87. You’d swear this was part of a Mother Goose extravaganza.

I know it’s another gingerbread Mother Goose. But it’s nonetheless charming with its skinny houses.

88. How about a country home with wood for the fire?

This one has snow on the roof and wood on the side. But all the decorations it needs is a wreath at the door.

89. How about a fun time on the beach during the fair?

Well, a beach front Christmas does seem rather enchanting. Has a gingerbread ferris wheel with a wreath.

90. “Oh, no, it’s the Giant man-eating Gingerbread Man! Run for your lives!”

Kind of reminds you of those monster movies. Still, this is really hilarious I had to put it on the post.

91. Guess the title of this is “Christmas in Seattle.”

Since it has the Space Needle, you can guess this is Seattle. Still, the skyscraper is magnificent.

92. A gingerbread Mount Vernon brings great tidings for the season.

Sure it’s not white like the real thing. But it contains the red roof and outbuildings. Can’t help but love it.

93. This Victorian gingerbread has all the touches for the holidays.

Has lights on the roof and garlands on the edging. Got to love the decorations on this .

94. This AT-AT is ready for festive celebration.

Yes, this is a walker from Star Wars decked as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Yes, you know how nerds celebrate this time of year.

95. There’s no temple of knowledge as spectacular as the Smithsonian.

It’s one of the best places in Washington D.C. Mostly because it’s one of the few areas you’ll never see Donald Trump visiting. And yes, this castle is truly a spectacular sight.

96. A yellow and pink gingerbread house has a unique house.

This one certainly stands out with a Christmas tree on the first floor. So lovely.

97. Somehow this boot had been turned upside down.

Well, that’s pretty clever. Even has rooms you can look inside. Love it.

98. I’m sure you’ll be enthralled by this palace from Agraba.

Yes, this is the sultan’s palace from Aladdin. And I’m sure the minaret tops are made from gelatin. Great for any Arabian night.

99. This gingerbread swing ride will certainly give you a thrill.

While I’ve seen gingerbread ferris wheels, I haven’t seen anything like this. And in pure gingerbread fashion, it even has Christmas motifs.

100. The Force is strong in this gingerbread display from Return of the Jedi.

This one includes Jabba’s palace, Endor, and the second Death Star. Perfect for any Star Wars fan.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen on These Christmas Treats (Fourth Edition)

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Naturally, a particular staple of Christmas is all the food. You may have ham or turkey as the main course for Christmas dinner along with potatoes, veggies, and other sides. For desserts, you may have all kinds of cakes, pies, cookies, and others. And yes, I’m sure plenty of people tend to gorge themselves on Christmas goodies that they might hit the gym come January as losing weight might be on their New Years’ resolutions. Still, plenty of people just can’t resist what’s on this Christmas table. Still, on this post, you’re more likely to find Christmas treats with yuletide motifs like snowflakes, Santas, wreaths, trees, snowmen, nativity scenes, and the like. And you might even see a penguin or two, since they’re cute creatures in the ice and snow though they don’t live at the North Pole. Nevertheless, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Christmas goodies.

  1. Wake up on Christmas morning with this pancake Santa Claus.

Well, this is on a muffin tin. But you have to admire the hat and beard.

2. You can’t have Christmas dinner with some cheesy Christmas tree buns.

Sure I’ve showed buns before in previous treat posts. But these have cheese on them.

3. A Christmas tree cupcake should always have 3 tiers.

Yes, that’s a lot of cupcake. But the tiers are all different sizes for the shape. Though it looks straight out of Dr. Seuss.

4. Nothing beats your Christmas dessert platter like a Santa cake.

Well, this only uses half of Santa. But it’s nevertheless adorable for any dessert platter.

5. This Christmas, you can’t go wrong with chocolate trees.

Yes, I had treats like these on posts before. But this one has sprinkles.

6. Instead of a gingerbread house, go with a pretzel stick one.

Yes, it’s quite rustic looking. And the roof is made of Chex. Love the windows.

7. I’m sure your elves would adore these Christmas tree Rice Krispie treats.

Yes, I had a Christmas tree treat like this before. But this one uses M&M minis for decor.

8. Speaking of Rice Krispies, how about a Rice Krispie wreath?

This mostly uses red M&Ms and you can’t eat the bow. But it makes a nice yuletide touch.

9. Impress your Christmas guests with this Christmas tree appetizer tray.

You’ll find plenty of grapes, carrots, cucumbers, and cheeses on this. Only thing you can’t eat is the star.

10. Nothing makes a delightful winter treat like snowman cupcakes.

Each of these is in blue and white winter gear. And yes, they all have adorable faces.

11. Make your holiday season sparkle with some Christmas light treats.

Available in several different colors. Great for party favors or dessert platter.

12. Give your peanut butter fudge has a gingery touch.

Sure they may not taste like gingerbread men. But they’re certainly in some gingerly shape.

13. You’ll find plenty of veggies on this Christmas tree appetizer tray.

Consists of broccoli, carrots, olives, cherry tomatoes, pretzels, and cheese. Great for any party platter.

14. Make your Christmas Eve so bright with some reindeer cupcakes.

Each one has pretzel antlers, chocolate ears, along with icing eyes and an M&M and wafer nose. And yes, Rudolph is always in the lead.

15. No cold night should be without these North Pole bites.

Each one is covered in red and white icing with a candy cane on top. Perfect for a dessert platter near you.

16. For an easy Christmas treat, try making some of these pinwheel cookies.

Each of these is rolled in dough of white, red, and green. Enjoy.

17. Grace your dessert platter with a Christmas wreath cake.

Yes, it’s a square cake that’s professionally made. But you have to admire the icing ribbon.

18. You can’t resist these snowflake cookies for a wintry treat.

Each of these has a unique shape and size. And each is covered in either flower or sugar.

19. For Christmas, you can do no wrong with this fruity wreath.

Consists of berries, kiwi, and apples. Great for parties if you want more healthy options.

20. Keep your Christmas party cozy with this Yule log cake.

Yes, it gives a rather Christmasy impression. Of course, you can see only part of it.

21. No Christmas party can be complete without some yuletide bites.

I know these are either cake bites or chocolates. But let’s hope they didn’t come from a chocolate box.

22. Keep your Christmas candy in a gingerbread train.

And it’s painted in red, blue, and white icing. Also, consists of a set of wheels.

23. For a festive Christmas, grace your appetizer platter with a Christmas tree cheese.

Goes well with crackers. Covered with horse radish and pepper pieces.

24. Snowman pancakes are perfect for any chilly morning.

Has a bacon scarf and is on top some marshmallows. So cute.

25. These snowman cookies come in so many layers.

Then again, they might have cakes on top. But they’re certainly an adorable treat for a cold day.

26. Make it a festive Christmas with some Oreo ornaments.

Amazing what you can do with Oreos. Some of them have sprinkles. Others have Christmas M&Ms.

27. North Pole bites always make a quality winter treat.

These are different from the ones I had on earlier. For they’re in a different shape with a candy cane stick.

28. Christmas tree cake pops always look nice in snowy white.

Though it mostly doesn’t snow where I live on Christmas. Also, these are covered in sprinkles.

29. You could view these Christmas gingerbread cookies as ornate.

Definitely professionally made and rather expensive. But I do like the roses on the sleigh.

30. For a frosty treat, you can’t go wrong with an ice cream snowman.

And yes, this snowman is certainly frosty. Best served on a cold winter day.

31. Deck your halls with these Rice Krispie ornaments.

Are either in red and green. Has licorice and a lifesaver on top.

32. Impress your guests with some bruschetta on a Christmas wreath.

Toppings mostly consist of broccoli and cherry tomatoes. Perfect as an appetizer.

33. Keep your veggies in line with your very own edible Christmas train.

Each train car is made of a bell pepper and cucumber slices. Dips are in the center though. You have to admire the creativity on this one.

34. Every green bite like these should always have Christmas lights.

Well, anything resembling Christmas lights. Still, these are kind of clever.

35. Every appetizer platter should have a present made of cheese.

This one has pepper bits and celery ribbon. Goes great with crackers.

36. Gingerbread Christmas trees could always do with a little frosting.

Yes, I know Christmas trees are green. But you don’t have to do much decorating with these.

37. Wish your guests “Happy Holidays,” with these cakes.

These cakes have cookie frames with sayings inscribed. What they say, is up to you.

38. You can’t go wrong with these reindeer cookies in Santa’s sleigh.

Yes, these are professionally made. but you can tell which one of these is Rudolph.

39. Please your guests with this Christmas tree veggie platter.

This one consists of peppers, broccoli, cherry tomatoes, cauliflower, and pretzels. And it has a square dip tray on the side.

40. For those with ugly Christmas sweaters, use these cookies.

People will always love their ugly Christmas sweaters. These may be professionally made. But once you have the cookie cutter for them, you can decorate each one however you want.

41. For those celebrating Christmas in Hawaii, you might want to go with cookies like these.

Though I can’t really see a Christmas without snow and ice. But whatever.

42. On this Rice Krispie treat, this mouse is snug in its bed.

Now this is quite creative. Really Like the candy cane bed posts. So cute.

43. Out in the country, you can’t go without this Christmas cabin.

This one even has a reindeer head on the front. Also perfect for deer hunting season.

44. No Seuss fan can ever resist this Grinchy cake.

And this one just uses a simple round cake painted green with a Santa hat. Still, love the smile.

45. You’ll find this Christmas tree appetizer platter especially cheesy.

The pickles on these are the only green on this one. But it’s mostly cheese.

46. You can always tear away a cupcake in this wreath.

Includes some holly and a bow. But at least you don’t have to cut it since it’s made of cupcakes.

47. Have a frosty dessert with these snowman cake pops.

Each of these has a red scarf and Santa hat. Oh, and they have a stick coming out of their heads.

48. Should you have a chilly Christmas, how about an igloo cheese ball?

You can even put penguins beside it. Sure they may not be from the North Pole. But they’re adorable and are often associated with winter.

49. Grace your dessert platter with this fancy Christmas tree cake.

This one has plenty of trimmings in white, green, and red. And it’s all topped with a bow.

50. Christmas tree sandwiches make a great yuletide lunch.

These all have cucumber slices and pepper tree stars. Not sure if they’re exactly in my taste.

51. Children will delight in these penguin cookies.

These are peanut cookies decorated with chocolate icing. And yes, they’re so cute you could eat them up.

52. You can’t go wrong waking up to this Santa pancake.

His eyes are made of banana slices and chocolate chip. His hat consists of strawberries. and his beard is mostly whipped cream.

53. A Christmas cake always makes an ideal Christmas present.

Ironically this is a present cake. Not sure what I think about the green spots. But I like the red ribbon.

54. If you love Christmas, then you’ll adore this Grinch cake.

Well, I had a similar cake in a previous post. But it’s nevertheless, in the Seussical fashion.

55. You’d swear this Christmas tree was all celery.

Well, almost. It’s more of a Christmas tree veggie tray with other veggies as decorations.

56. Welcome the winter magic with these snowflake cookies.

Okay, you might have a few Christmas trees here. But each of these gives you holiday cheer.

57. You can’t have a Christmas party without a treat train.

And yes, it consists of Twinkies and Rice Krispie treats along with candy canes. Love the trees in the background.

58. No yuletide dessert platter is complete without a Christmas tree cupcake cake.

The ornaments on this mainly consist of peanut M&Ms. Still, be free to tear away.

59. Perhaps a Christmas wreath can give you some tasty buns.

And there’s even some dip in the middle. Nevertheless, while a wreath is green, these buns are golden brown.

60. Warm yourself by the fire with some melting snowmen smores.

Strange, since you can’t roast smores in cold weather. But these are quite clever.

61. If you don’t like Christmas tree veggie trays, may I suggest one of Santa?

Consists of peppers, cauliflower, cucumber slices, olives, and cherry tomatoes. The fuzz ball is the dip by the way.

62. A Christmas cake with candy cane is just as sweet.

Well, the candy canes are used for a Christmas tree. Also has peppermints on the base.

63. A Christmas pizza should always have a few Santa hats.

Well, the hats are made of pepperoni and cheese. But yes, they’re a grand yuletide touch.

64. Though you’ve heard of a gingerbread house, you probably haven’t seen a gingerbread castle.

Well, it more or less looks like a candy fort. But it seems like something you’d see in a Mario game.

65. Nothing could make you resist these penguin Oreos.

These have M&M ear muffs. As to why penguins would need them, I’m not so sure. But they’re cute.

66. This Christmas candle cake will light up your holidays.

Sure the flames may be fake. But you’d almost think these were real.

67. For a simple treat, how about some reindeer pretzels?

Requires regular and waffle pretzels, Hershey’s kisses, and M&Ms. And yes, they all have a red nose.

68. Instead of poinsettias, give your sweetheart a poinsettia cupcake bouquet.

I’m sure anyone would enjoy that more. Because poinsettias are usually thrown away after the Christmas season. But cupcakes are usually eaten by that time.

69. You can tear away at this candy cane cake.

Since these are mostly cupcakes. But each is in its own stripe.

70. Get up on Christmas morning to some Christmas tree pancakes.

They just consist of smaller pancakes as you go up. And this one is topped by a candle star.

71. You’d have to be the Grinch to hate these Christmas pups.

However, I must tell you not to buy a puppy or any other animal for Christmas. Seriously, owning a pet is a commitment and responsibility which shouldn’t be taken lightly. Nevertheless, these are cute.

72. Nightmare Before Christmas fans will enjoy these Jack Skellington cookies.

These ones have him with a Santa hat. Perfect for Tim Burton fans.

73. You can’t find anything colorful like these Santa truffles.

Each Santa on these has a different color suit. And each Santa has a sign.

74. Help yourself to some of these hot chocolate cups.

The cups are made of marshmallows and candy canes. And yes, each have red sprinkles on them.

75. With cookies like these you’ll certainly have a festive Christmas.

Yes, it’s a plate of sugar cookies from a bakery. But they’re all richly decorated with icing.

76. You’ll find Santa sleeping on this cake.

Hopefully, not on Christmas Eve. But you never know. Still, this is cute.

77. Light up the holidays with these Christmas cookies.

And yes, these bulbs seem rather cheery. Until one of them burns out.

78. There’s something out of place with this Christmas cake house.

Seems like it’s straight from a Dr. Seuss story. But unlike some of the houses I see, this has some degree of character.

79. Cheer yourself to some floating polar bear cookies.

Yes, these have polar bears just lounging around. But yes, they’re adorable.

80. There’s nothing delightful on Christmas than Santa at the fire.

And yes, the tree is quite sentient on this cake. But you have to adore this. So lovely.

Vintage Food Ads in the Days of Yesteryear (Second Edition)

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Along with alcohol, food is also among the many promoted items during the holiday season. After all, in the United States, Thanksgiving and Christmas are often marked with large feasts among families as well as parties among friends. And you can see this among the incessant holiday advertising on TV which seem to come earlier and earlier with each year. Then again, you find food ads everywhere these days since well, people have to eat in order to live. Yes, the food may not always be good for you or appealing. But hey, what do you know? Nevertheless, you find plenty of vintage food ads on the internet. Some of them might be artistic masterpieces like this Chat Noir above (which is a bistro restaurant in France). Some not so much for various reasons. Some might seem suggestive. Some might feature recipes not fit for human consumption. Some might contain rather misleading information. And some might consist of artwork that somehow pass as creepy. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of vintage food advertising for your unique tastes.

  1. Kids who eat their veggies might want a Jolly Green Giant rag doll.

Not sure what’s freakier, the girl’s terrifying expression or the 4ft green doll. Let’s just say a kid can do without one of these.

2. Pesci Vivi sells delectable fish.

Though seeing a fish chef cooking fish is kind of unsettling. Look I know fish eat other fish, but still.

3. Children always delight in eating Fig Newtons.

“Thanks, Mom, that’s what I need after a long day at school and drowning puppies in the nearby lake. You’re the best.”

4. Big Otis wants kids to eat Kellogg’s OKs.

Sure he may be a big burly Scotsman. But I’m sure Kellogg’s pulled him as a cereal spokesman once kids asked what he wore under his kilt.

5. With Bisquick, you can make your family this elegant tuna ring.

Sorry, but this dish looks really disgusting. And no, I really don’t want to eat it.

6. Meet your own Frankie Doodle Dandy with Swift’s Premium Franks.

By the way, Frankie Doodle Dandy is what some men named Frank call their penis. Okay, I made that up. But I couldn’t pass that one up.

7. Always eat Possum Sweet Potatoes.

Hate to break it, but possums are disgusting creatures. Seeing a few run over by cars, you’d agree with me.

8. No kid could resist Brach’s toffee.

First of all, Brach’s candy is terrible. Second, I bet the girl’s taking some candy that she’ll spike with poison to give to her friends.

9. Husbands always love anything with Heinz Ketchup on it.

Because Heinz Ketchup makes anything appetizing. Even corned beef, poached eggs, and hash browns.

10. Turn vegetables into a treat with Cheez Whiz.

By the way, it’s probably not real cheese. And it will not do wonders to your veggies nutritional value either.

11. Fry’s Chocolate always tastes so good.

But regardless of expression, that kid terrifies me. And I don’t think chocolate will calm him either.

12. Make your breakfast kid friendly with Wheatabix.

Also fine for snacks and supper, too. Though I hope the girl is sprinkling a spoonful of sugar, instead of arsenic. Though looking at her face, I wouldn’t know. Boy’s kind of creepy, too.

13. Campbell’s beef soup makes a manly dish.

Hearty it may be, but it’s hardly good for your arteries due to a high sodium content. Because Campbell’s Mmmm…mmm…salt.

14. With Pillsbury’s flower, you can make yourself a wagon wheel pie.

Think of it as your mother’s chicken pot pie. But more disgusting and unhealthy.

15. Firestix always lasts 23 minutes and costs 10 cents.

Though she’s supposed to be a wholesome kid. But she always takes her Firestix before going on a killing spree.

16. Don’t want to cook dinner, ladies? Take the family to KFC.

Apparently, Colonel Sanders is incredibly sexist. Thus, he calls his coronary inducing cuisine, “wife-savers.”

17. With Carnation Evaporated Milk, you can make delectable dinners like this.

You have to wonder whether people actually eat stuff like this back in the day. Because that’s a dish that will make you lose your appetite.

18. Sure it may not be very nutritious, but Rastus wants you to try Cream of Wheat.

I can see the racism on this ad as clear as day, especially in the text. But at least you have to admire the guy’s honesty. People will buy anything that’s good to eat and cheap.

19. “Sugar can be the willpower you need to undereat.”

Uh, I wouldn’t say that. But I guarantee too much of it can give you Type 2 Diabetes. Seriously, you might not want to eat ice cream before lunch.

20. As an assistant vice president, it’s your job to make the pudding.

Apparently, Jello doesn’t think women can understand office hierarchies. Also, the sexism is very plain to see.

21. “You don’t have to be Jewish to love Levy’s.”

Sure it may not be incredibly racist. But it’s still pretty bad on certain levels.

22. Always go for the Big Patch vegetables.

However, it seems that this kid’s family only works the farm. And his parents are paid wages so low they can’t afford to buy him a new pair of pants.

23. Ladies, buying canned food shouldn’t be shameful.

Still, canned foods aren’t very good for you since they’re preserved in a salty brine. But even that doesn’t detract the sexism in this ad.

24. With these canned foods, you can always diet with delight.

Not sure about that. But the girl in the can is really freaking me out. She seems like the stuff of nightmares for some reason.

25. Sugar Crips is post marked for happy eating.

Okay, the acrobatic bears might be weird. But I really have a bad feeling about that creepy girl looking at them. They better put on a good show or she’ll make sure they’ll never see the light of day again.

26. Hires’ Rootbeer is so good even the dogs will love it.

But that baby doesn’t seem too happy about that. Of course, hope Sparky enjoys his drink because that baby may have murder on the mind.

27. With Armour Treet, you can make these Johnny cake shortcakes.

I can see the heart attacks these shortcakes can cause. Also, they seem rather unappetizing to me.

28. Nothing keeps you warm like Cadbury’s Cocoa.

But once he’s done, he’ll get right back to torturing the neighbor’s cat. Because that’s what psycho kids do for fun.

29. As Art Linkletter noted, the Jolly Green Giant is a big man with the ladies.

Because women love a large green man who promotes vegetables wearing shoes and a short leaf dress. But at least he doesn’t have rage issues like the Incredible Hulk.

30. It’s always red magic time with Heinz Ketchup.

Oh, no, not the scary tomato guy! Please, take him away before he kills anyone!

31. You can’t have old-fashioned gingerbread without Brer Rabbit Molasses.

I’m sure they got the name Brer Rabbit for molasses from the tar baby story. Want to what happened to Brer Rabbit when he put his hands on one?

32. This Indian brave brings you Dippy Canoes.

Because cultural appropriation knows no bounds. Said to taste like Indian corn. Seriously, this guy’s a culture, not an advertising prop for God’s sake.

33. “Remember your first Baby Ruth?”

She may look excited to eat the candy. But mainly because she took it from the neighbor boy she previously threw down a well.

34. You can’t be beat with St. Louis corned beef.

Yet, having the cows with can bodies and walking upright is just freaky. Seriously, who the hell thought this was a good idea?

35. “Okay, pardner…reach for the Karo!”

For one, this half-naked baby cowboy is just lame. But he’s just as terrifying enough to induce nightmares.

36. Handle your hungry man with a can of Campbell’s soup.

Because nothing says manly eating like eating a soup with a high salt content. Campbells, mmmm….salt.

37. “Good things happen…when the lady of the house has soup for lunch.”

For if she doesn’t have her chicken noodle, she will chase you all over the neighborhood wielding a large cleaver. Because with Campbell’s it’s mmm…salt.

38. Trix is always made for kids.

“Mommy, after I eat my Trix, can I borrow your handgun to hunt down that silly rabbit? He’s been lurking in our yard for ages.”

39. Children will enjoy Stokley’s sugar peas.

For sugar peas always go well with the neighbor’s liver and onions. And I don’t mean the animal kind either.

40. Kids always want Log Cabin maple syrup.

Just watch theses kids look at the syrup on their waffles. Though they’d much prefer their breakfast to have blood of the innocents. But cannibalism is illegal.

41. With G. Washington’s Instant Coffee, even a man can make the perfect cup in 5 seconds.

As if men didn’t know how to make a cup of coffee in the 1950s. I’m sure they did and this ad is very sexist.

42. Treat your man right with Batchelor’s foods.

Yet, calling the guy a “guest husband” just wracks my head. Would a better word be “boyfriend?”

43. With Campell’s mushroom soup, you can make some tuna and waffles.

After all, when you’ve smoked pot all day, you’ll need something to satisfy the munchies. For God’s sake, waffles should only be for breakfast.

44. “Promise you’ll taste the nifty new Ritz!”

Because if you don’t, she’ll take you to her torture dungeon and hold you over a fiery it by your ankles. If you think I’m crazy, ask those who live to tell the tale.

45. Be vital and vigorous with Morrell E-Z Serve liver loaf.

Because nothing makes a family happy like liver. You know the kind of meat everyone ingests like foul tasting cold medicine.

46. Make it a festive party with Libby’s Juice Jamboree.

Though serving juice on a kid’s hat may not be good idea. Basically it’s an accident waiting to happen.

47. Kids dig Welch’s Cocoanut bar.

It’s basically a coconut chocolate bar which is disgusting. Still, if it keeps those kiddies from killing you, it might be worth buying.

48. Hire’s Rootbeer is the great health drink.

Yet, this little one will chase the cat with a knife once he’s done. So you might want to get Friskies in a safe place while you still can.

49. Men always love a raisin pudding pie.

Though he might have to be a sick psycho like this guy. Because raisins are turds made to resemble chocolate chips but aren’t.

50. If your husband yawns at the table, treat him to Heinz tomato soup.

Since when is yawning at the table a problem? Chances are the guy’s just tired after a long, stressful day at work. Not everything a guy does has to do with his wife’s actions.

51. California vegetables are always the aristocrats of the crop.

Because nothing says high class like a villain from a Dickens novel with a monocle and slasher smile. Seriously, I’m wondering if California vegetables used the face of Jack the Ripper in their ad campaigns.

52. You can’t make cakes without Dr. Price’s vanilla extract.

Though if you don’t give the maid her pay raise, she will spike this cake with rat poison. Just ask the last guy she worked for. Oh, wait you can’t.

53. With Might Dog, your pooch always receives the best.

Though Spot always takes his food seriously. Though he thinks wearing a chef’s hat and bib makes him look like a complete idiot.

54. “Are you woman enough to buy a man’s mustard?”

Now that’s a really stupid question. Seriously, why should that even matter? Mustard is mustard.

55. Pastificio S. Bonetti is oozing with prime pasta.

Look, I understand how Italians love their pasta. But I didn’t know they’d love it so much to be caught with it in a compromising position.

56. Kids will always enjoy Van Camp’s pork and beans.

Well, assuming your child is a budding psychokiller. I’m sure little Bobby will go back with setting the cat on fire after he’s done.

57. “Sugar keeps your energy up and your appetite down.”

Sorry, but sugar doesn’t help you lose weight. In fact, it might contribute to obesity, heart disease, and Type II diabetes.

58. Snag a man with Underwood deviled ham sandwiches.

Seriously? The sandwich case? Sorry, but a man can make his own damn sandwich. This is sexist on so many levels.

59. Whitman’s chocolates make a fine Mother’s Day gift.

From Relish: “This advertiser knew exactly how to distinguish Whitman’s chocolates: market the product as a gift your wife will give right back to you.” Bet the guy will get the ones the wife doesn’t like.

60. Get your kids to eat veggies with this Jolly Green Giant foot rug.

From Relish: “Are your kids eating their vegetables? If not, try giving them one of these fuzzy, green foot rugs to make them crave veggies! This unique attempt to make green beans and corn more fun is appreciated, but it is unlikely that a furry rug of a foot will make anything appetizing.”

61. “Nothing says party like a Sara Lee cake!”

From Relish: “Sara Lee knows what’s up—who needs friends when you have chocolate cake? Her face says it all: ‘I’m not going out because I have cake, and lots of it.’ Add sweatpants and Netflix and the party is complete.”

62. Go to the beach with your own Campbell’s can bag.

From Relish: “Nothing about hot Campbell’s soup makes us think about the beach, but that didn’t stop Campbell’s from turning their product into a portable beach bag.” Then again, the ocean is full of salt. And so is Campbell’s soup. Mmmm salt.

63. Velveeta is a full of health from milk.

From Relish: “Let’s get one thing straight—just because a product is made with a beneficial ingredient, does not make it healthy. Velveeta tries its best to be convincing here, but we’re not buying it.”

64. McDonald’s takes care of 55% of your daily protein needs.

However, that doesn’t means a McDonald’s meal is necessarily good for you. Because it isn’t.

65. Even babies enjoy Nestle’s condensed milk.

Because you don’t want to see this little one when she’s angry. Otherwise, she will make you pay with your life.

66. “Wouldn’t I be silly to make it myself?”

Well, considering that Campbell’s soups have high salt contents, then no. Still, I think the woman seems to have murder on the mind.

67. Someone wants another glass of Hires’ Rootbeer.

Don’t look now but I’m sure that baby might prefer to drink the blood of the innocents. But he’ll settle for rootbeer.

68. After the game, boys always relish in the joy of good eating with Van Camp’s pork and beans.

“I whacked the pitcher real good with my bat. He screamed like a little girl as I bludgeoned the living crap out of him. Never had so much fun in my life.”

69. Miss Sunbeam wants you to have some Sunbeam bread.

Because if you don’t, she’ll go into your house and murder you and your family. Sure she may look innocent. But she’s a murderous psychopath who will bring you a slow and painful death.

70. Always use Arm and Hammer baking soda on your delectable treats.

And yet, this one features a scary clown. Best to skip this frightening circus unless you’re into Stephen King. Because the clown could easily murder you.

Vintage Spirits Advertising of Yesterday (Second Edition)

Alcohol Ads of the 1900s (1)

Disclaimer: This post is not for those under the legal age of 21. Those over 21 please drink responsibly. Thank you. Okay I was just kidding with that one.

Whether you’re getting ready to celebrate the holidays, are trying to cope with the Trump administration, or have a beer with your friends during a big game, chances are you’re probably familiar with alcoholic drinks. Back in the day, our ancestors had somewhat different attitudes to booze depending on what kind of people they were. On one hand, you have temperance people who saw alcohol as terrible since it ruined families and the like. But on the other hand, you have people where alcohol is so integral to their culture that they see no problem with kids drinking beer. Or monks brewing beer in German monasteries like they did at Saint Vincent College. Anyway, it shouldn’t be any surprise why the major beer labels in America are German and from the Midwest. However, though Germans have a high value on beer, it’s not the only alcoholic beverage they drink since we also have German wines such Champagne and Zinfindel. Anyway, many of these vintage ads might echo rather antiquated ideas about our society nor have aged well at any stretch. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another installment of booze ads from yesteryear.

  1. For bowling night, you’d always strike with Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Sure it might seem like a harmless bowling scene. Until you see that everyone in this has blue ribbon appendages. Then it’s just creepy.

2. Budweiser always gives you good times.

Now here’s a rather racist ad. Sure the black guy’s is supposed to be depicted as an eager servant. But looking at his imposing face he appears quite menacing. So I wouldn’t drink any of that beer if I were you.

3. Flirt Vodka can be quite appealing.

Though looking at her bruised knees, I don’t think this ad conveys a good message. Let’s hope she just had a party mishap.

4. Have a merry cherry with Kijafa, a Danish cherry wine.

Yet, the word “cherry” has an R-rated connotation that I can’t really discuss. But notice how that woman has mistletoe in her hand.

5. “‘Sweet’ on whiskey sours? Make your next drink Green River.”

But how he has such humongous hands is another matter. Seriously, they’re like totally out of proportion to his body.

6. Without Schlitz, you can’t have beer.

However, looking at the clown’s eyes, I suggest you give him some Schlitz now. Otherwise, he’ll get angry and kidnap your children.

7. Schlitz: the preeminent beer for clowns.

Sure this clown might be happy now. But once the booze wears off, he won’t be funny in the moonlight.

8. Wolfschmidt Genuine Vodka is in the spirit of the Czar.

Sure vodka is associated with Russia. But Wolfschmidt seems kind of Germanic to me. Then again, Catherine the Great was a German aristocrat and plenty of czars had German ancestry. So it oddly fits.

9. Schlitz, the beer of choice for American cowboys.

Yet, Schlitz is the beer for male bonding after a long day at the ranch. Still, the bottom scene seems kind of like Brokeback Mountain to me.

10. On the slopes, grab a cold Heiney.

Yet, I’m not sure about those Heineken snow suits. One of the women looks kind of embarrassed that people would see her and think she resembles a can.

11. Bacardi Rum is what they serve in Hell.

Still, if you see this guy behind the glasses, you might want to take a drink. For he already seems disappointed in you. Might not want to anger him even further.

12. Anisetta Evangelisti is the perfect liquor for dessert. Just ask this chimp.

However, despite that people think chimps are funny and loveable, they can be quite nasty. Also, why the hell would you want a chimp drink booze?

13. Even King Kong drinks Miller beer.

Though it wouldn’t help him climb the Empire State Building. Or avoid airplanes. Now that I think of it, how could King Kong even grab a beer? That makes no sense.

14. Bacardi is the rum of America’s favorite cocktails.

But would you want a drink with this guy? Sure he might be okay, but the pervy stache doesn’t help matters.

15. Everyone’s calling it on Early Times whiskey.

How old are these baseball players supposed to be? Because I find it hard to think they’re 21 or over.

16. Gordon’s Gin contains medicinal properties.

Actually, Gordon’s or not, gin is the worst thing for your liver. Let’s just say taking it as medicine isn’t the smartest idea.

17. For real morning after relief, drink a Pluto highball.

So this ad states, if you want to relieve a hangover, drink more booze in the morning. Because chances are you’re probably an alcoholic at this point.

18. The secret to a great holiday party is lots of mistletoe and Seagram’s Extra Dry.

So basically, you can’t have a great Christmas party without tons of boozy sex. Not what I’d call drinking responsibly.

19. Pabst beer prepares for the joys of motherhood.

Actually, if you’re pregnant, you better stay away from the booze, especially during the first trimester. Because it puts the developing baby at risk for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

20. With a Heineken, even your beer gives you a beer.

Well, this is hard to explain. Someone must’ve been under the influence to come up with this.

21. O-fl Extract Malt always builds people up.

Look, I know kids are cute and cuteness sells. But putting a child next to a bottle of booze isn’t appropriate. Seriously, there’s a reason why the drinking age is 21.

22. Ballantine beer is the preeminent drink for those in horse costumes.

It’s one thing to put a weird horse in your ad. But knowing this horse consists of two guys in a costume is rather disturbing. Seriously, just pick either humans or animals.

23. Nothing makes a riverside picnic like Schlitz beer.

I don’t think the guy trying Schlitz isn’t glowing about the beer in this one. Seems like there’s more going on here.

24. Want to please your man, ladies? Serve him Budweiser.

Because it’s said Budweiser delights more husbands than any beer ever known. Also, his Inner Man craves booze.

25. Dare to be different with Suntory Royal Whiskey.

Though whether it means you should do Kabuki theater, is another question entirely. Yes, it looks badass but it’s part of Japanese culture. Yet, couldn’t they just come up with some other image?

26. Anhauser-Busch’s Malt Nutrine is the preeminent beer for nursing mothers.

Yes, this was back when they considered beer as a health food. But today, these beer companies would never cater their product to nursing moms.

27. Even mounted goats enjoy the taste of Schaefer’s Bock beer.

Let’s just say Dr. Seuss was young and needed the money. But compared to some of his political cartoons, this isn’t too bad.

28. As a velveted whiskey, Imperial is so much fun!

Okay, we all know that polar bears and penguins don’t coexist. But unlike the Coca Cola ads, this provides of good illustration on what a polar bear and penguin co-existence would be like. And so far, it doesn’t look good for the penguin.

29. E.T. likes to remind you to not drink and drive. “Phone home” instead.

Yet, having E.T. work at the bar really ruins your childhood. I mean could you imagine him telling drunks to “phone home” if they had too many? Also, couldn’t Coors use the cast of Cheers instead? At least that show’s about a bar.

30. You can’t beat the mellow taste of Ten High whiskey.

Is it just me or is this woman unnaturally tan? The guy kind of looks rather unsettling, too.

31. A Four Roses Gimlet is 4 parts vodka and 1 part elegance.

However, this woman in here doesn’t seem like she’s really enjoying herself. In fact, she seems like she wants to go home while her significant other doesn’t.

32. Always drink Cossack Vodka for the office party.

I guess this woman is a bit tipsy since she notes how she didn’t recognize Mr. Smithers’ green eyes. Also, what the hell is she wearing? That doesn’t look like office wear to me.

33. “How about a little Schenley, Ruth?”

Ruth, get the hell out of there! The guy doesn’t just want a drink with you. The description here just makes me cringe.

34. “I’d ride a mile for a Smirnoff martini.”

Maybe, but what’s that got to do with a camel in the middle of the road? Besides, couldn’t just drive or ride a bus? Or walk?

35. The Smirnoff Mule is the drink that is.

But if I was that young woman, I’d be wary around Woody Allen. Because we all know he’s a real creep.

36. “He loves my mind. And he drinks Johnny Walker.”

Really? What makes him drinking Johnny Walker so important to you? Other than getting paid for just saying that?

37. Never go on a boat ride without Cinzano.