The Dark Scary World of Vintage Halloween Costumes (Fifth Edition)

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For some mysterious reason, old vintage Halloween pictures seem to be a lot creepier for some reason. Maybe it’s the black and white photography. Maybe it’s how the costumes were made. Maybe it’s their conception of scary. I don’t know. Still, when you look at them, they’re bound to freak you out and give you nightmares for weeks to come. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of nightmarish vintage Halloween costumes. Sweet dreams.

  1.  She’s all dressed in ready for the spiderweb ball.
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So is this how they dressed for Halloween during the 18th century? Or did people during the 18th century not celebrate it?

2. Now, everyone, smile for the camera.

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Man, I don’t think the guy dressed as a Native American would fly today. Also, some of the masks are quite terrifying.

3. I’m sure this witch is kind to her animals.

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Yet, I’m not exactly sure by the grin on her face. Also, that cat looks like it’s stuffed.

4. The kitchen staff can be such animals.

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Okay, I don’t want to go in there. For all I know they could be cooking some of Hannibal Lecter’s best known recipes.

5. We all have our bad hair days.

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Yet, she could use a full-on makeover. Then again, witches don’t care much about their looks, anyway.

6. Even a ghostly skeleton seeks to pick up chicks.

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I’m sure this version of Ghost doesn’t contain the iconic pottery wheel scene. In fact, I don’t think they’ll be making love to “Unchained Melody” anytime soon either.

7. You’d think this lady was batty.

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Yes, she’s in a sexy bat costume. But her dress doesn’t make much sense to me, save for fanservice.

8. Perhaps buying your costume isn’t as great as it seems.

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Yeah, the masks look kind creep thanks to black and white photography. Still, the one with the leopard print doesn’t seem to have a face.

9. Want to dress as a sexy ghost? Just put a white bag on your head.

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You could never pull this kind of costume in PA. Mainly because the weather’s under 50 degrees by this point.

10. May I present to you the 19th century version of the Village People.

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As you can see, they’re not exactly a lively bunch. In fact, they seem more likely to kill you in your sleep.

11. What a couple of babies.

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Okay, these two look too big to be babies. Yet, their masks can just scare the living shit out of you.

12. You might fly with these Peter Pan costumes.

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These are actually really terrifying. And it really says a lot since Peter Pan is an incredibly creepy movie.

13. Here you see Spiderman and Batman hang out with Colonel Sanders.

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What a way to show a good example to kids, superheroes. Of course, masked vigilantism doesn’t help either.

14. How about you hang near the car?

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That duck mask is frightening. Then again, the chicken mask may even be scarier.

15. Hope the trick-or-treaters can make themselves comfortable.

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Okay, those vintage costumes are actually scarier in color. Even in regards to Princess Aurora, Casper, and Snoopy.

16. These kids are just resting on the grass.

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These masks are incredibly terrifying. Don’t look now, but I think these kids are devising ways to kill neighbors who don’t give them candy.

17. Have fun trick-or-treating, kids.

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Apparently, someone managed to make Spiderman and the Lone Ranger scary. While the Wolf man seems kind of lame.

18. That’s an odd looking giraffe.

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Since the giraffe is made out of paper. Still, wonder how the girl can see in it.

19. Beware of the chicken boy.

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I don’t know why the kid just stick around transfixed on the chicken. When the girl should be running away screaming for her dear life.

20. These two are just walking the street on their Halloween haunt.

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The witch seems like she’s wearing Groucho Marx glasses without the mustache. But it should be the ghost that really scares us.

21. You might want to get away from the monster behind you.

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That’s Frankenstein’s monster attacking that boy. And I’m sure the boy might need another pair of pants.

22. Sorry to crash a medieval plague doctors meeting.

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Since they’re all wearing bird masks and cloaks. Still, if it was the 1300s, we’d wonder how many of them will be left next year.

23. You’d think this is an odd-looking bird.

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Well, it’s a cardboard costume. But it kind of looks eerie in black and white photography.

24. Beware of the little red devil.

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I’m sure this kid is all right. But the costume makes him seem like a little terror out of hell.

25. A mother sits with her strangely dressed children.

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Two of them are supposed to be dwarfs, I think. One’s a cowboy. And one’s the Monopoly Man. But all seem rather dead inside.

26. This woman just wears a dress, mask, and cone hat.

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Wearing that, you’d think she was on her way to a cult meeting. But she has a pumpkin on her dress.

27. These four just hang around the front door.

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But look at their masks and you don’t want them in your house. Seriously, they make Freddy Krueger look like a character on Sesame Street.

28. You wouldn’t want to run into this little clown at night.

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Wonder if this is a childhood photo of Pennywise the Clown. I mean he had to be a child somehow.

29. Here a ghost emerges from the bushes.

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Let’s hope he didn’t make it from some Klan robe. Because they were a thing back in the Gilded Age and 1920s.

30. This doesn’t seem like a fun Halloween party.

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Consists of a scary clown and two very offensive stereotypes. For God’s sake it was the early 1900s. Times were really racist.

31. Well, this seems like a strange horse race.

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Yes, you see people sharing horse costumes. One guy has very little legs like Lord Farquad.

32. Don’t hitch a ride with these masked men.

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Since they’ll take you to an undisclosed location. Then they’ll kill you and rip you to pieces.

33. Who knows what this clown will do to these two women.

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Yeah, I get that he’s wearing a tall hat. But I think after this picture was taken, the two women were never seen again.

34. The skull person is within the living room.

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Indeed, they’re not scaring anyone. But in time, they will chase teenagers with a knife once it gets dark.

35. Each trick-or-treater shall receive a large pumpkin bag.

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The devil and Raggedy Ann masks will haunt your dreams. The cat, not so much.

36. Sometimes a white mask is all you need.

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She’s even on roller skates. That means she can go after you with a knife faster. Except on the stairs.

37. Are those kids or ventriloquist dummies?

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Well, they could be kids wearing masks. Yet, they don’t really seem very lifelike to me. Something’s off here.

38. The light’s quite misty, isn’t it?

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One of the revelers reminds me of an undead muppet. Another has a rather creepy clown face.

39. Apparently, someone’s fallen into a creepy cult ritual.

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These women wear dresses with markings on them. But they must dance around two virgins before they sacrifice them to their blood hungry god.

40. A witch stands with her cat.

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She seems rather lonely. Mostly because everyone’s frightened of her. And her cat’s plush, I think.

41. These two seem like a rather odd couple.

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One wears a mask with make while looking dashing in a top hat and coat. The other wears a mask and a dress.

42. Here’s a friendly guy you’d meet in the park.

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Kind of reminds me of the guy kicked off The Muppet Show. Since he often gave kids candy from his windowless van. Or so I heard.

43. Care to see the clown in the corner?

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On second thought, I’ll pass on that one. Don’t want to be found near the river with an ax in my back.

44. Don’t you ever refuse to give these kids candy.

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Because if you do, they will kill you. Even if you honestly ran out, they will still slay you. So please have candy ready for them.

45. Sandra finds romance on Planet of the Apes.

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“Come to me, you damn dirty ape. Send me to your monkey bar sex dungeon.”

46. Don’t you dare cross this masked maid.

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Mess with her and she’ll make sure you pay with your life. And she’ll make you pay.

47. You might enjoy this jolly clown.

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Okay, this clown is terrifying. Avoid him like the plague if you value your life.

48.  You’d swear you’ve seen these trick-or-treaters from space.

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These costumes are quite frightening. Yet, the astronaut has to wear a rocket shaped mask for some reason.

49. “Come and play with us, Danny.”

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Those princess masks are guaranteed to give you nightmares. Will certainly haunt your dreams.

50. Perhaps you might enjoy a couple of sisters.

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One doesn’t pretend not to care. The other’s thinking about skinning the neighbor’s cat.

51. Make sure your stick matches your masks.

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Though each one is just as scary. And the kids in the back certainly know it.

52. Looks like the Turnip ghost caused some scares.

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The woman is freaking out. The guy is splayed on the floor. Wonder if this is some horror cosplay scene.

53. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you can’t be Batman.

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Well, she’s an early incarnation of Batwoman. But what am I kidding? Batman wasn’t around yet.

54. Well, we’ve got a couple of lone rangers.

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Actually, one’s supposed to be Zorro. But they will strike if not given candy for trick-or-treating.

55. “Won’t you come and spoon with me?”

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Oh, hell no. For God’s sake I’m not that desperate for cuddles.

56.  “I’m just a little school girl.”

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I don’t know about you. But that’s a dude who looks like a lady to me. Possible ancestor of Steve Tyler from Aerosmith.

57. “Get off my lawn, you brats!”

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For if you don’t, he’ll run you down and cut you up in his basement. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

58. Watch out for the locker room ghosts.

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Of course, they probably didn’t have the time and resources for a full sheet. So they used pillow cases instead. One even has a black bag.

59. “I shall call him, Mini Me.”

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These two wear the same cone black hats. The smaller boy is pure evil.

60. I give you, the Elephant Man.

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Okay, that’s kind of insensitive. Joseph Merrick deserves more dignity than that. Then again, he probably doesn’t know anything about Merrick.

61. Send in the big clowns.

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On second thought, do clowns really need to be inflated. That just makes them scarier.

62. “Are you comfortable, madam?”

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This mouse seems rather hospitable to that girl. Don’t really want to what kind of relationship they have.

63. “Let’s just watch that house burn.”

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These masks are so terrifying even if they’re supposed to be dolls and clowns. And I’m sure they just set a house on fire.

64. Clown or space alien? You decide.

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Actually, she’s probably dressed like a clown. But her tall hat totally seems like it’s from another planet.

65. These two always stick together.

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Mostly because they’re dressed as co-join twins. They do a lot together, including murder.

66. “Want to join us at the farm?”

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They’re all decked in their pajamas like they’re having a slumber party. Though I’ll pass on this one.

67. This black cat lingers in the alley.

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Sure they may look scary. But the 2019 trailer to Cats just makes it look tame in comparison.

68. Hello boys and girls, it’s Beppo the clown.

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For God’s sake, kill this infernal creature with fire. Before he kills somebody or gets in a daycare center.

69. Don’t want to run into these monsters even on a good day.

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They’re just kids in Halloween costumes. But the masks are simply spooky.

70. Don’t mess with these clown ladies.

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Mock their circus act and I swear they will rain fire and terror on you. Or they’ll just kill you in your sleep.

71. Skull girl just loves hanging among the flowers.

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Hey, at least she’s not Rhoda from the Bad Seed. She wouldn’t kill anyone for trivial stuff like a penmanship award. But she will if you mess with her.

72. Why so sad, scarecrow?

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Guy looks like a sagging and depressed muppet. And with bad fashion sense.

73. This witch is awfully fond of these little girls.

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Wonder if that witch is in costume. But she shows eyes of ill intent.

74. Care for some clandestine greenhouse ritual?

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The kids seem like they’re dressed in their pajamas. The mom’s dressed as a witch.

75. Here’s a still from the new Joker movie.

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Well, that might be a little too early. But I’m sure he’ll grow up to be an unstable psychopath nonetheless.

76. Pretty short to have mustaches, don’t you think?

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One’s wearing a dress to indicate she’s clearly a girl. But these two seem like they’re silently judging you in those creepy masks.

77. “Here’s Toodles!”

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Seeing that clown hovering over that family sends shivers down my spine. Also, is he holding a gun?

78. “I just came here to pick up a few things like your soul.”

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I can understand why that girl’s screaming. Still, kind of way too young for this Faustian bargain thing. I think there should be an age of consent for that.

79. Got you 4 little devils in a row.

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They’re even all holding masks. But come midnight, they will wreak havoc on a murder spree.

80. These robots come from another galaxy.

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But mess with them, they’re bound to exterminate you. They also have great fashion sense.

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Ghastly Halloween Greetings in the Ghoulish Days of Old (Fifth Edition)

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Now it’s on to the Halloween vintage cards. In these days, there seems to be a greeting card for almost everything. In the olden days, this was no exception except in regards to MLK Day because the great civil rights leader wasn’t born yet or any kind of holidays white people didn’t celebrate. Anyway, given that Halloween greeting cards are apparently still a thing, you shouldn’t be surprised to see plenty vintage ones. However, in many ways, the vintage cards usually tend to be crazier for various reasons. Some may be dated. Some may be inappropriate. Some may be racist. And some may contain imagery that doesn’t seem to fly today. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you another assortment of crazy vintage Halloween greeting cards.

  1. The moon doesn’t seem too happy these days.
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“Why the hell would leave a perfectly good office binder on my doorstep? Don’t they know they’re very expensive?”

2. “I wish you a jolly Halloween.”

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And that’s not a safe way to hold a jack-o’-lantern, kids. Honestly, that’s a fire hazard.

3. Want to catch a jack-o’-lantern? Spread crumbs through a wagon, I think.

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That way, he’ll be happy to tag behind you wherever you go. Still, how did anyone think this was a good idea?

4. This demon comes out to greet you from the jack-o’-lantern.

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Seems kind of friendly for a creature of Hell. Guess it’s hot inside that jack-o’-lantern.

5. While mere mortals use jack-o’-lanterns as Halloween decoration, witches use them for broom headlights.

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If it can talk, it doubles as a GPS system. Who knows how the characters in Harry Potter can do without them.

6. “O! Ghostly friend,/Thy hair’s on end/What fearful fate do you portend?”

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To be honest, the corn guy’s more likely freaking me out. Seriously, it just gives me nightmares.

7. “Whoo-oo  dares keep Halloween with me?”

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The owl’s like, “I’ve got my eyes on you, floating pumpkin head.” Or something like that.

8. Feel free to sit down in your jack-o’-lantern bib.

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Actually that bib’s kind of creepy if you ask me along with the jack-o’-lanterns on the top corners. Also, the girl seems like she’s slightly suffocating.

9. Don’t know if you want a bat pop up from a jack-o’-lantern.

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Seems like everyone in this is freaked out by this. Save for the black cat for some reason.

10. Even the pumpkins make out in the pumpkin patch on Halloween night.

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Still, despite the inscription, how do pumpkins hug and kiss? Linus, can you answer me on this one?

11. Perhaps you might want to go as a skeletal bat for Halloween.

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Seriously, she’s dressed up as a bat that bit into a powerline. Kind of disturbing if you think about it.

12. “With all Hallowe’en Greetings.”

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Yet, that owl’s watching the creepy pumpkin man follow the seeds from the woman’s contraption. Wonder if this was a thing back then.

13. Pumpkin head kids wish you a jolly Halloween.

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Oh, those creepy orange kids with one holding a poor cat. Makes me wonder if this is a childhood photo of Donald Trump. Wouldn’t surprise me.

14. Bet you don’t want a skeleton to get you.

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Are those monsters supposed to be goblins? Also, why is one riding a cat?

15. When a witch wants a kid to get off her lawn, she means it.

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Here she chases a kid with a jack-o’-lantern on a stick. And I thought witches ate kids. Then again, that may not be the case.

16. Forget brooms. The modern witch travels on a biplane of giant playing cards.

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She even has a jack-o’-lantern on the front for navigation. And yes, it runs on owl power. But the cat’s kind of afraid of heights.

17. This Halloween, stay out of the cabbage patch.

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No, these aren’t the Cabbage Patch kids you remember. Actually this cabbage people make out scene is getting a bit out of hand.

18. “For ways that are dark and tricks that are vain. Watch out!”

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Here a black cat sits with 4 scary jack-o’-lanterns. But at least they’re not lit, yet.

19. Everyone loves a Halloween costume party.

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Though whether to dance with a medieval version of the Joker is another matter. Seriously, his costume’s kind of freaky if you ask me.

20. The black cat in a pumpkin has a letter for you.

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Though the kid doesn’t seem to think twice about trusting the cat. Kind of looks hypnotized. Also, note the sticks under the pumpkin.

21. Riding a broom on an ear of corn gives a witch more seat room.

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But make sure the ear is giant size and has bat wings. Also, I think she might drive using a sideways steering wheel.

22. On Halloween, fell free to hoist the jack-o’-lantern flag.

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Instead of a skull and crossed bones, this flag has a jack-o’-lantern and crossed candles. Yet, the witchy woman has a rather suggestive expression.

23. The jack-o’-lantern always watches outside.

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So maybe playing naked outside at night is not a good idea. Not that it would be anyway.

24. Dancing pumpkin man wishes you a happy Halloween.

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Unlike most depictions, he’s wearing a suit. Still, he’s guaranteed to inspire nightmares.

25. This little witch wishes you Halloween greetings.

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Though I’m not necessarily sure that she’s sitting appropriately. This is especially since she has her skirt up.

26. It takes two to carry a large jack-o’-lantern.

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Nonetheless, the jack-o’-lantern seems to have a mind of its own. As you can tell by the eyes.

27. For many, Halloween is a time of love.

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But since these kids have their hands on the jack-o’-lantern too long, the pumpkin’s starting to feel smushed. Seriously, they need their space once in awhile.

28. Wanna make some noise?

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Yet, the pumpkin guys sitting on the gourd are very unsettling to me. One doesn’t seem too happy with the girl blowing her horn.

29. Don’t look at the jack-o’-lantern in the barrel.

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Since there’s a rather creepy kid inside. And I don’t think the kid in front really wants to know.

30. Halloween greetings from the witch with a pumpkin fetish.

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Hey, it may not look the least bit normal. But at least she’s not making out with Donald Trump.

31. Be careful in a room with masks.

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Actually I don’t know why this woman can be in the same room with all these scary masks. Since they all look incredibly terrifying.

32. Ghost jack-o’-lantern wishes you happy Halloween on a broomstick.

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The outfit’s rather translucent. Though the jack-o’-lantern doesn’t seem sure how to fly this thing.

33. “The joys of Halloween be yours.”

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Excuse me, but what the hell is Cupid doing here? This isn’t even his holiday. He’s Valentine’s Day.

34. Don’t be surprised to see double this Halloween.

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You can see how the images mirror each other. While the jack-o’-lantern thinks it’s just crazy.

35. Hide all you want to, but you can’t fool the moon.

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To be fair these jack-o’-lanterns are rather creepy. But what are they doing behind that stack?

36. A witch and owl love hanging out together on the moon.

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That owl looks abnormally huge. Because most don’t grow that big. Yet, the witch doesn’t care.

37. There’s nothing on Halloween like making out in a jack-o’-lantern.

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First, that’s a major safety hazard since the clothes could catch on fire. Second, the cat and owl are basically like, “get a room, you two.”

38. The moon always knows a hot witch when it sees one.

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Here the moon gazes on the witch with a pervy smile. While the witch might want to blow out her candle so the moon doesn’t see her as well.

39. Now where did that slice of cake go?

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Yes, these creepy pupkin people have it for some reason. Maybe I’ll be okay without it. I’ll live.

40. Seems like her high beams are flashing.

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See what I mean about a jack-o’-lantern functioning has headlights on a broomstick. Why don’t they have that in Harry Potter?

41. Remember that witches will kidnap your children.

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I don’t have a good feeling about these kids. Since witches are known to eat children. The boy doesn’t seem to mind though.

42. All kinds of demons can come out of a jack-o’-lantern.

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Here it sits upon a sinister black cat. Must be magical because I can’t see how the cat can retain its balance.

43. An owl sits upon a glowing jack-o’-lantern holding an apple.

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Yet, the girl seems rather fascinated instead of freaking out. Because how can the owl get inside? And it can basically claw and peck you to death.

44. Here this woman sits on a jack-o’-lantern dressed as an owl.

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Yet, the giant jack-o’-lantern has a rather terrifying expression. Since even the cat’s freaking out.

45. You can always sit back on a jack-o’-lantern with a candle on Halloween.

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The pumpkin’s glowing. While the cat is glaring at the viewer with malicious intent. Wouldn’t want to go near that thing.

46. Don’t look now but I think that jack-o’-lantern’s stoned out of its mind.

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Not sure what’s in that pipe. But I also think the jack-o’-lantern’s looking up that woman’s skirt. That cat’s like, “Not cool, man.”

47. A campfire is always a graveyard smash.

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And yet, one’s running away in fear, two are on top of each other, and the would’ve gotten a selfie to post on Instagram. Only trouble is that smartphones and Instagram aren’t around yet.

48. Happy Halloween by the demon child soldier.

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Once you’re asleep, this little boy will come into your room with a knife and kill you. If you don’t take some time to lock your doors first.

49. Here a little witch picks up a name from the jack-o’-lantern.

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Whoever’s name she gets, she’ll go to their house and turn them into a newt. And I’m not sure if they’ll get better.

50. Happy Halloween from behind the haystack.

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Now that looks like a fire hazard waiting to happen. Wouldn’t be surprise if the jack-o’-lantern leads to the stack catching on fire and the boy burning to a crisp.

The Spooky World of Halloween Pumpkin Dioramas (Fifth Edition)

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Almost every October for the last five years, my pumpkin diorama posts have always been perennial favorites. As you can see above, these consists of dioramas inside pumpkins. Though I often put them under Halloween decorations, they’re not exclusively so. After all, I’ve put up some pumpkin dioramas relating to Dia de los Muertos and Thanksgiving. Nonetheless, since most of these relate to Halloween, I usually put them there. Not to mention, pumpkin dioramas are often difficult to find. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I bring you another assortment of pumpkin dioramas for this Halloween season.

  1. This pumpkin will bring you all the way to the Upside Down.
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On top is the Byers’ living room. On the bottom is the Upside Down.

2. A skull always belongs in a haunted house.

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The skull is even on a stack of pumpkins. The house is obviously made out of cardboard.

3. Seems like the tree lost its leaves.

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The tree on this one is a twig. Yet, the grass looks quite dead and freaky.

4. Nobody could resist these two scarecrows.

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This is a Thanksgiving diorama. But you have to admire the different colored pumpkins inside.

5. Don’t want to spend a scary night camping.

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Inside this one is a campsite. And it’s only lit by one fire.

6. This skeleton’s just chilling in the grave.

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The pumpkin here is rather small. But the owl on top is so adorable.

7. These kids are just spending some time in a scary cemetery.

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This is more of a collage with cut outs of kids and grave stones. Kind of scary, isn’t it?

8. You receive ghoulish greetings from this pumpkin house.

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This one just has a fake candle inside the front doorway. The windows even have shutters.

9. Even witches enjoy a carousel ride now and then.

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This one uses a pumpkin for a witch carousel. Wonder if it spins around.

10. You don’t know what’s lurking in this haunted forest.

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This one isn’t nearly as dark as some of the others. But there’s a little black creature with fangs facing the opening.

11. Barb has been taken by the Upside Down.

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Poor Barb. Taken from us long before we really got to know her. She will be missed.

12. An orange glitter house will always stand out.

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This orange house stands in front of a black background. Includes glitter trees and a white pumpkin.

13. Turkeys lurk in the pumpkin patch at night.

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The pumpkins are made from peeps. While the crescent moon’s made from construction paper. Enjoy life while it lasts, turkeys.

14. Dog fans will howl over this pumpkin scene.

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It just consists of doggy cut outs. And yes, the dogs are wearing costumes.

15. A white house can use some lighting.

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This one has black roofs though. Also includes an orange pumpkin. The lights are on the ground.

16. Linus sits to wait for the Great Pumpkin.

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This one has holes for stars while Snoopy sleeps on top in his WWI flying ace outfit. Seems to promote an orthodontics office.

17. This Cinderella pumpkin is quite 18th century.

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This is made out of cut outs. Let’s hope they’re not in France since we know what happened there.

18. Cinderella, your castle awaits.

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Seems like Cinderella left her shoe. Still, the stars are purple lights.

19. Perhaps you might be interested in a pumpkin ship.

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This is pretty creative. Even has carrot cannons. Not sure how well it’ll do in the water though.

20. Death doesn’t have to end all your relationships.

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This one has a skeletal bridal couple near a grave stone. A crow sits on top the pumpkin.

21. A witch flies over the neighborhood.

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This consists of paper vintage imagery. And no, it doesn’t look very scary.

22. Looks like a hanging took place there.

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Since the skeletons hang from the trees. Still, I wonder if there’s a picnic going on.

23. Skeletons love to hang around in the cemetery.

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Unlike the others, this one seems to be made from a gourd. Yet the skeletons seem to be having fun.

24. This seems like a cozy witch’s cottage.

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See? Witches are just like everyone else. Also, spiders crawl on the edges.

25. Want to hear your fortune?

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She holds her crystal ball to look into your future. And yes, her ball lights up in the dark.

26. This graveyard must be especially spooky.

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This one has a skeleton hanging near a gravestone. Yet, the trees look incredibly creepy.

27. Want to go into a haunted parlor?

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Yes, it certainly looks haunted like an abandoned Victorian mansion. Just see how the edge is covered in fake moss.

28. This must be a rather cozy cottage.

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Has a freestanding fireplace with cabinets against the walls. A vine of red leaves covers the outside.

29. Frankenstein’s monster haunts the premises.

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Indeed, he wanders around the graves. Mostly since it’s one of the few places people can’t bother him.

30. These scary monsters will always be spooky.

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Includes a skeleton, black cat, and a jack-o’-lantern in front of a haunted house. Has a bow on top.

31. Halloween is always a graveyard smash.

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Features a dog in a scary costume holding a rose. Edge is decked with pink and yellow flower lights.

32. This pumpkin has become very infested.

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Inside is a scary graveyard. Outside you have spiders and webs. Even lights up.

33. This skeleton hangs around with his friends.

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After all, they’re all as dead as he is. There’s even a web in the background.

34. The skeletons and ghosts come out at night.

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The inside decor is made of paper. You can see a witch flying in front of the moon.

35. Care to pose for a group photo?

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This one’s derived from old photos. While the edging is in orange and black.

36. The skeleton sits back and relaxes in front of his haunted home.

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He’s even having the ghosts over. some are even held by sticks.

37. “This is Halloween! This is Halloween!”

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Yes, someone made a pumpkin diorama of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Here Jack casually walks his ghost dog.

38. A skeleton paints a masterpiece.

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This is for Dia de los Muertos. Outside is decorated with beats and flowers.

39. May they always be together in death.

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Has a skeleton couple in wedding clothes. The groom doesn’t seem too happy.

40. It’s always fun at Camp Boo.

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This one has a lot of jack-o’-lanterns inside. There’s even a black cat.

41. This mouse has managed to make a cozy home.

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This mouse uses 2 pumpkins for a cottage. One is a living room. One is a bedroom.

42. This seems to be a rather happy cemetery.

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Most of these are made out of rocks. The Halloween figures are painted.

43. This party’s dead on arrival.

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Well, it’s a Dia de los Muertos pumpkin. And someone seems to cry over something.

44. A glittering night is always one of romantic scares.

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There’s a newly married couple in a cemetery. And here they stand among glittering pumpkins.

45. This pumpkin has gone to the spiders.

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Well, this one has 2 spiders along rocks. While a dragon fly flies on top.

46. Someone must be hungry for brains.

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You don’t want to see a zombie rising out of the grave. Best you avoid cemeteries during a zombie apocalypse.

47. Someone’s here to trick or treat.

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The doll’s dressed as a lion. Candy’s on the table with the jack-o’-lanterns.

48. A fire will warm you up on a cold, dark night.

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Is that supposed to be snow? Also has a ghoulish figure on top.

49. A lone wolf howls at the moon.

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Though we all know that the pack must be nearby. Has plenty of fall decor if you ask me.

50. A pumpkin house is always fitting.

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It even has sticks that make the roof, windows, and door. Also includes a fence and 2 jack-o’-lanterns.

The Creepy, Crawly World of Scary Halloween Craft Projects (Fifth Edition)

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During October, it’s not unusual for people to make their homes into a haunted house. Fortunately,  plenty of retail stores have been willing to oblige since September. There’s even a store called Spirit Halloween, which is having its biggest season right now. After all, Halloween is a major cash cow holiday since it has so many fans. After all, unlike a lot of big holidays,you don’t have any obligation to spend Halloween with your family. Unless your children require adult supervision. Anyway, while most people prefer to buy their Halloween decorations, others may make their own. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of spooky Halloween crafts. Enjoy.

  1. Doilies are great for spider webs.
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They’re stretched on rings and have plastic spiders on them. Not sure if you can use them for coasters.

2. You’ll find a lot of cobwebs on this frame.

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Well, this frame also has large plastic spiders on, too. Great for freaking out the arachnophobe in your life.

3. Your spider wreath can use a little bling.

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It’s mostly covered in buttons. Recommended to hang on any front door of a haunted house.

4. A blinged  skull is essential for any haunted home.

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Though I wouldn’t recommend reciting Shakespeare with this one. Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well….”

5. Don’t mind the mummy at the front door.

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It comes well wrapped. Then again, considering the cobwebs, you’d almost think it’s a cocoon.

6. This bony wreath can really use a hand.

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Just make sure none of these skeleton hands came from a graveyard. Still, love how they spray painted them silver.

7. Care to light that bloody candle?

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I’m sure the melted parts are painted red. Still, they kind of seem rather bloody disgusting.

8. She shows too much in that dress.

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Because you can clearly see her bones. Not to mention, she has an unusually long tail.

9. You don’t want to drink anything from these bottles.

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All of these potions are made from the finest ingredients from Chernobyl. Don’t ask how they got them.

10. These wooden blocks are all ghostly.

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Well, they’re painted white with ghost faces on them. Great for a mantle or patio.

11. Hope you enjoy this spooky Halloween lantern.

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Has an owl at the top with some other sparkly decor. While a ghost sits inside.

12. I believe the house is “Witch Way.”

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Will you find witches inside? Or just people giving candy to kids? Only enter if you dare.

13. A porcelain jack-o’-lantern can always use a stand.

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This one has the pumpkin on a wreath of fall foliage. Makes a great centerpiece.

14. A bauble and feather wreath will certainly make your Halloween a festive occasion.

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Even includes shiny jack-o’-lanterns. Just hang it on a wall or doorway with cautions. Because baubles are very delicate things.

15. That Halloween table can really use a spider web.

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This is made out of black tinsel garland you can get at a party store. Great for any Halloween party.

16. You’ll get a good scare out of this sign.

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Says “Spooky.” The O’s have googly eyes along with a skull and crossed bones.

17. Even the trees can be quite monstrous.

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This is just a small tree with multiple eyes. And they can see everywhere.

18. Cousin Itt has come over to join us.

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I’m sure this is just a figure with straw on it used for decoration. Still, Cousin Itt isn’t exactly hard to do.

19. Black roses often have eyes.

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This flower wreath is spray-painted black with eyeballs. Should you see this, enter if you dare.

20. This wreath is infested with spiders.

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Actually, it’s covered with plastic silver spiders. While a large one is on the bottom.

21. A feather wreath can use a few skulls.

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These skulls are in black, orange, green, and purple. Great for any haunted front door.

22. Seems like nobody touched these potion jars in a long time.

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Yet, despite the spiders and cobwebs, you see something glowing inside them. Someone might want to clean house once in awhile.

23. Perhaps you might find a wooden Frankenstein quite spooky.

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Well, it consists of 2 blocks and says “Spooky.” Sure it may not scare, but it’s adorable nonetheless.

24. You have to be crazy to come here.

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After all the signs warn “Dead End,” “Haunted,” and “Turn Back.” Covered in cobwebs with a crow on top.

25. Don’t let your trick-or-treaters go out without these bags.

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They’re treat bags with jack-o’-lanterns on them. One is scary black. The other is a chilly white.

26. You won’t have bad luck with this black cat wreath.

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It’s fuzzy with whiskers and a nose. But at least it’s not as scary as the Cats trailer.

27. This sign will leave you screaming.

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It’s just a large, striped, panel that says, “EEK!” In purple letters with orange dots. Or are those lights?

28. Beware of what you drink from these bottles.

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They’re bottles spray-painted black and have labels on them. Good for display purposes only.

29. Hope you don’t piss off the owls.

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Well, these owls are made out of wood. But the branches are quite eerie.

30. Guess the witch can’t get out of the ceiling.

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Well, it’s an umbrella with legs. And she wore a green tulle slip, too.

31. Wonder what orange substance is in this jar.

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Seems like the jar’s painted. Yet, the cameo is of a skeleton lady.

32. Perhaps you might like a green skull with glowing eyes.

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It’s a green skull with eyes that light up. Perfect for any Halloween table on a dark and stormy night.

33. A jeweled witch’s hat can be quite magical.

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It’s a green skull with eyes that light up. Perfect for any Halloween table on a dark and stormy night.

34. These ghosts travel all in a line.

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They basically consist of white sheets, string, and a stick. But if you make one, be sure to make a lot of them.

35. There will be all eyes on this wreath.

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And yes, we’re talking that eyes are literally on this wreath. Also, lights up at night.

36. Hope these wooden ghosts don’t scare you.

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Actually they seem rather friendly. But then again, they might just be putting it on to lure you into their clutches.

37.  Black cat lights make any room creepy.

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These lights have black cats on them. So it seems like they’re eerily looking at you.

38. Paper mache can make monstrous creatures sitting around.

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Consists of a hooded figure and a witch. These light up, by the way.

39. Zoltar will tell you your fortune.

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Because Zoltar knows all. Even though his box is made out of cardboard.

40. Don’t let your kids near this demonic pumpkin.

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Yes, the pumpkin looks as if it’s eating a trick-or-treater. Feel free to call his parents that he won’t be coming home tonight or ever.

41. All the most fashionable witches don some spider jewelry.

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Includes a silver spider ring and a spider charm bracelet. Bracelet even includes a skeleton key.

42. Are those brains hanging from the ceiling?

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Well, they’re lit up so they’re not real. But you don’t want to be in the same room with them.

43. That witch better watch where she’s flying.

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Yep, she flew right into the wall on her broomstick. Sometimes those covens can get pretty wild.

44. Perhaps you might fancy a decoupage witch’s hat.

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I don’t think it’s meant for wearing though. Still, has a cobweb on the brim.

45. These candy trees are infested.

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You don’t see as many candy decor on Halloween as you do on Christmas. Save the case for candy corn but that’s just sugar wax not fit for human consumption.

46. Hope these glowing hands don’t snatch you during the night.

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Not sure what these are supposed to be made of. Butt seeing floating and glowing hands around will scare the crap out of me.

47. Perhaps anyone into vintage stuff might appreciate this scary wreath.

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This looks like it’s in tatters. Then again, being Halloween, that’s kind of the point.

48. How about a witch’s hat on a hat box?

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So did the witch’s hat came from the hat box? If not, then what’s in it? Please don’t let it be like in Seven.

49. Don’t drink from a bottle under wraps.

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Because the wine could be poisoned for all I know. Might contain a tablespoon of arsenic, a teaspoon of strychnine, and just a pinch of cyanide.

50. A steampunk pumpkin can use a few nuts and bolts.

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After all, steampunk is all about the 19th century mecha gear. Though I doubt people at the time would do their pumpkins this way.

51. You can make frightful candle holders with wine glasses.

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Consists of a vampire, Frankenstein’s monster, a witch, a pumpkin, and mummy. And yes, they all sparkle.

52. Perhaps a simple paper wreath will do this Halloween.

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This looks like it was made as a large, black origami flower. Perfect for any haunted front door this Halloween.

53. This witch looks rather potted today.

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That’s because she’s made out of flower pots of different sizes. Comes with a broomstick and black cat, too.

54. Don’t look now. But I think there’s a mummy at your door.

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This door is wrapped except with the big eyes popping out. Probably meant for a school.

55. There’s something witchy about this glass block light.

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Mostly because it’s a witch block light. Has a felt hat and scarf along with a wooden green nose.

56. Care to fly on a sparkly broom?

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The handles are wrapped with ribbons. The broom fringes contains glitter. Available in orange and purple.

57. Don’t go near the zombie in the corner.

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And yes, it looks incredibly realistic. Even has bones sticking out. But keep away if you dare.

58. Even the trees outside have faces.

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Yes, those are masks on trees. And yes, it’s creepy as hell. Stay away from the house nearby.

59. Wonder what kind of web this spider spins.

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It’s a yarn wreath with black flowers. The spider’s made out of yarn, too.

60. You’ll find silver skulls on this feather wreath.

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You’ll see cobwebs on there as well. Looks like it came straight out of the attics after gathering dust for decades.

61. A black garland makes a fine addition for any haunted home.

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Comes with lights to glow in the night. Also includes black leaves and cobwebs.

62. This guy’s torch comes solar powered.

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I’m sure this little guy’s light is scarier at night. But at least his methods are sustainable.

63. Sometimes a wine bottle is all you need.

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This person took a green one and made a witch out of it. And they only had to paint the top green for the hat.

64. Nobody can resist a witch in a candy dress.

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She’s even green with red hair. Though she’s more cute than scary.

65. Want some spiders on your china?

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Well, the spiders are painted on the plates. Guaranteed to scare guests when hung on the wall.

66. Seems like we have a few monsters lurking in the bushes.

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Then again, maybe the bushes have eyes. Or someone just stuck eyes on them.

67. This house really has a severe rat problem.

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Okay, they’re just rat silhouettes. So don’t call the exterminator just yet.

68. Milk bottle candle holders should always come a bit bloody.

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Man, the red paint looks like it’s oozing from the top. Perfect for any Halloween party.

69. Don’t like wreaths? Hang up a tombstone.

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They even have twisted weeds growing on it. Perfect for any Halloween front door.

70. Something’s creaking out of that coffin.

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I don’t think that chain’s going to cut it. He could burst out at any moment.

71. Keep your things close this Halloween with a pumpkin purse.

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Consists of a plastic pumpkin with a sparkly handle. Decorated with a jingly cat mask.

72. Keep your things safe in this blinged out coffin box.

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Has jewels deck the top. Small enough for a table. Great for hamster funerals.

73. Sometimes a simple metal cauldron is all you need.

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Wonder if they use cauldrons like this at Hogwarts. There’s even a fake fire underneath.

74. Impress your Halloween party guests this year with a mounted Cthulu.

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Brag how you vanquished the Lovecraftian monster into the depths of oblivion. Of course, they’ll think you’re talking shit, which you are.

75. I’m sure you don’t want to be caged alongside a rat.

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Well, they’re skeletons in cages. The skeleton rat even has cheese to eat.

76. You’ll find a few birds on this bonsai tree.

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This even has orange woven baskets on the branches. Also decorated in cobwebs.

77. Make sure to give your haunted home a spooky entrance.

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The front entrance has toilet paper like mummy wraps. Also give a spooky touch with chains and lanterns.

78. These candles have melted significantly.

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Okay, the candles are fake. And so are the flames. So they’re perfectly safe.

79. There are snakes slithering on the black dowels.

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Or are those candlesticks? Either way, the snakes are plastic.

80. A tree is composed of many pumpkins.

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The tree is painted on the pumpkins. And they’re held on by a bookshelf.

81. Count down to Halloween with this panel.

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This was obviously erected in September. Since it says “32 days until trick or treating.”

82. Wonder what’s in this big creepy book.

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It’s actually a box. And yes, it has a spider’s web on top. So you can hide your bloody knife in it.

83. A wicked candle holder can use some black lace.

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Since it really brings out a haunted house look. Don’t forget to include spiders.

84. You’ll find plenty of little bats on this striped wreath.

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It’s a cloth wreath of white and orange stripes. And it’s hung by a black and white striped strip.

85. Snowmen are for Christmas. Pumpkin men are for Halloween.

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This jack-o’-lantern even has a hat and fall scarf. But, hey, at least he’s not carved out at the head.

86. Put your kids and pets’ silhouettes on these white pumpkins.

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Includes one of a boy, a girl, and a dog. Each is surrounded by a black lace frame.

87. A witch’s hat can use some more flair.

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They’re on stands with black tulle and flowers. But they’re not meant for wearing. So they’re just decorative.

88. Someone’s pet is all bone and crazy red eyes.

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Is this supposed to be a dog? Then again, you can’t tell by just the skeleton. Unless you’re a zoologist.

89. If you need some grease, this happy jack is all you need.

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It’s just an oil can with a jack-o’-lantern. But I don’t think it contains real oil.

90. How about a hay ride in your haunted home?

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This is a little scene with gourds and little hay bales. Even has a little black cat.

91. You’ll find plenty of crows on this centerpiece.

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They’re on top of a glass and black flowers. There’s even a haunted house inside.

92. Stash your poisons in this potion box.

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It’s just a craft box. Though I love how they painted it.

93. That witch should watch out for that Halloween tree.

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Well, she went in head first. Though the tree is quite dazzling.

94. You’ll find the snakes under the rug.

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Relax, they’re just plastic. But tell that to Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones Jr.

95. Care to use a potion tray?

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What’s in these bottles almost seems all too real. Yet, please don’t eat any of the contents.

96. This gate must be a prime crow hangout spot.

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Okay, these are fake. But it certainly gives you a chill up your spine.

97. A candy corn bouquet might suit your tastes.

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Includes 2 crows. While most of the foliage looks quite dead.

98. Perhaps a haunted birdcage for your raven will be to your liking.

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This one is made out of metal and includes lights. Also, the bird is fake. Not sure if it says, “Nevermore.”

99. These skeletons can really use a hand.

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They don’t seem to have the proper equipment to climb the roof. So they help each other to varying degrees of success.

100. This witchy wreath should have some flowers.

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Includes witch boots and hat. Not to mention, might contain a pumpkin or two.

Halloween Party Tricks or Treats (But Mostly Treats, Sort of) (Sixth Edition)

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Now that October has begun, it’s time to get scary. So I usually begin with my post of Halloween treats. Though I usually start after Columbus Day, I’m going to Charlotte to see my sister sometime later this month. So I decided to get the Halloween posts out early. Nonetheless, you find plenty of Halloween delights ranging from the utterly disgusting to the endlessly adorable. They may consist of ghosts, jack o’ lanterns, Frankenstein monsters, body parts, skeletons, witches, and what not. Yet, spooky food is bound to make one’s Halloween party worthwhile. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Halloween treats. Enjoy, if you dare.

  1. Want an eyeball in your monster cupcake?
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These are chocolate topped with green icing and slime. Perfect for any monster mash.

2. These cookies are really batty.

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While most bat cookies have black wings, these have wings in a variety of colors and patterns. Like the purple one with stars.

3. Hope you give any bones about these skull cupcakes.

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The skulls are probably made from candy. Has M&M eyes. So cute and scary.

4. Help yourself to a spider bun.

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Seems like they contain cheese and are toasted underneath. Also have pretzel stick legs.

5. These Frankenstein Rice Krispie treats are monstrously tasty.

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Each consists of a bar with a Frankenstein monster face. They’re so cute it’s scary.

6. Nothing makes your monster mash like these monster cupcakes.

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Well, the monsters are quite cute than scary. Though a purple one does have 3 eyes.

7. Can I interest you in Frankencake?

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It’s just a cake with Frankenstein’s monster on it. A perfect dessert for any Halloween party.

8. A jack o’ lantern calzone makes an ideal hot lunch.

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I call it a calzone since it has a jack o’ lantern crust on top of it. But it’s nonetheless adorable.

9. Perhaps your little monster would like this haunted house bento house.

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The haunted house is made from cheese on a pita. Includes bats and ghosts.

10. Nobody can resist these batty cupcakes.

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They have faces made out of cookies. Also have chocolate cookie wings.

11. Want a piece of this jack o’ lantern cake?

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It’s actually a tear away cupcake cake. Feel free to take a bite if you dare.

12. Want to try these ghostly strawberries?

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These are strawberries dipped in white chocolate. Contain chocolate chip eyes and mouths.

13. Impress your Halloween party guests with this jack o’ lantern snack tray.

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Luckily most snacks are in shades of yellow and orange. Use olives for the eyes, nose, and mouth.

14. A chocolate pretzel monster might suit your fancy.

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These are mostly pretzel sticks covered in chocolate. These are purple.

15. This scary cake is bound to be a grave yard smash.

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It’s a graveyard cake. Even has a graham cracker shack and cookie tombstones.

16. Apparently, the witch got smashed by this cupcake.

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You could see her legs though. By the way, cupcake has green icing.

17. Seems like these monstrous cake pops are here to see you.

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Each of them has an eye made from icing and M&Ms. But each is iced and sprinkled in a different color.

18. You’ll come crawling for this spider cookie.

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This one has M&M and chocolate chip eyes. Also has pretzel legs. So cute.

19. Hocus Pocus fans would love these brownies.

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They’re the book brownies from that movie. Each of them contains an eye.

20. You can dip anything into this cheesy pumpkin.

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Covered either by Cheez-Its or Doritos. Facial features consist of olive pieces.

21. You’ll find plenty of scary creatures on this cheese pizza.

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Consists of spiders, bats, pumpkins, and ghosts. Great for any Halloween party and lunch.

22.  Perhaps you’d want a tombstone on a Rice Krispie treats.

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Seems more like a pudding treat. Has candy corn pumpkins beside the Oreo tombstones.

23. Feel free to have a chocolate spider.

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Man, these look creepy. All have licorice legs and blackberry heads.

24. These black cat cakes will always make your Halloween purr-fect.

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Each of these even has green eyes. Also they’re covered in chocolate. Must be delicious.

25. Want some green hot chocolate?

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The marshmallows have eyes. Don’t want to know what’s cooking in that cup.

26. Eat, drink, and be scary with these Halloween pop tarts.

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Not sure what these are. Are they hot pockets? Pop tarts? Calzones?

27. This pizza is infested with spiders.

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Relax, these are olives on a spider web pizza. And yes, the web’s made from cheese.

28. Make your Halloween fun with these peeps cupcakes.

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Yes, they have those inedible marshmallow candies for Halloween, too. It’s all part of Christmasfication at its finest. After all, why stick with one holiday if you can profit from them all?

29. Get a bite out of these jack o’ lantern cookies.

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Each of these is professionally decorated. While they all have their own unique expressions.

30. These cookies are nothing short of monstrous.

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Well, there only a few monsters here. One’s a mummy, by the way.

31. Pumpkin or black cat peanut butter bites, anyone?

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They’re all covered in chocolate. Though only the cats have eyes, ears, and a tail.

32. These spider buns are especially cheesy.

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They’re also covered in poppy seeds. So best you don’t eat if you have a job interview coming up sometime that week.

33. You’ll find plenty of spiders crawling on this cake.

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They seem to be made of peanut M&Ms. Come in green, orange, and yellow.

34. Feel free to dip your nachos in Franckenguac.

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Because Frankenstein’s monster is normally depicted in green. Hair’s made out of black nachos. Facial features made from sour cream and olives.

35. You’ll be crawling for these Halloween spider cookies.

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They’re peanut butter cookies with Reese’s cups. Have icing legs and eyes with chocolate chip pupils.

36. You might enjoy these ghostly chocolate cake bites.

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They’re dripped with white icing and chocolate chip eyes. Though before you dump the icing, put them on a plate first.

37. Want some ghostly pizza bites?

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Each of these is on a little pizza as a slice of cheese. And yes, they’re spookily adorable.

38.  Feel free to feast on this jack o’ lantern veggie tray.

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Mostly consists of baby carrots. Mouth and nose are made from cucumber slices. Eyes are dip bowls. While the stem’s mostly celery.

39. You’ll love these adorably frightful meringue spiders.

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And yes, they’re chocolate. Got to love the licorice legs and beady green M&M eyes.

40. These zombie cookies are good beyond the grave.

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You can tell they’re zombies since they have brains sticking out. Not to mention missing an eye.

41. Have a spooky good time with some ghostly bark.

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It’s just bark with ghosts on it. Available in orange and purple.

42. Want to taste some Jell-O witch’s brew?

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It’s just a pudding cauldron cup with eyes and candy bones. Perfect for any Halloween party.

43. Perhaps you’d want a cake like this on the graveyard shift.

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It’s actually a 2-tiered graveyard cake. Has a tombstone at the top. Also includes ghosts and pumpkins.

44. Perhaps you’d like a small monster truffle.

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Doused in purple icing and decorated in sprinkles. Sure they may be cyclops. But they’re adorable.

45. Feel free to take a brainy cupcake.

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I was wondering when I’ll get to some of the more disgusting treats. Still, the brains are made of icing.

46. These jack o’lantern cupcakes can be frightfully delightful.

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All have orange icing that’s dripping on the edges. All have a marshmallow jack-o’-lantern on top.

47. Grace your Halloween dessert platter with this zombie unicorn cake.

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Because why should we be deprived unicorns this Halloween? Sure it’s dead but it’s quite scary for the occasion.

48. Your spooky Halloween party’s never complete without some jack-o’-lantern cupcakes.

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You can see they’re decked with orange and black icing. Some have candy leaves on them.

49. Treat your witches with these witch hat cookies.

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They mostly consist of chocolate shortbread cookies with Hershey’s kisses on them. Each has a different color icing ribbon.

50. Treat yourself this Halloween with some spider pudding pie.

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This mostly consist of a spider web with Oreo spiders on them. Their eyes are so cute.

51. Who could ever resist these Twinkie ghosts?

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These consist of Twinkies cut in half, doused in white chocolate, and sport chocolate chip eyes. And yes, they’re adorable.

52. You’d be scared not to take these cookies.

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Mostly consist of black cats and bats. And all covered in black sprinkles.

53. Want to try this chocolate spider web cookie cake?

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It’s on a chocolate cookie with white icing. And yes, the spiders are made out of Oreos.

54. Want a slice of candy corn cake?

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Well, at least it’s tastier than the real sugar wax candies. Even have a smiling face.

55. Some witch must’ve run into a cake.

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She might’ve been drunk on too much potion. Please don’t drink and fly. You never know what you’ll hit.

56. You’ll be crawling for a chocolate spider’s web cheesecake.

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This one has a more refined web design. The spider’s made from a chocolate cookie.

57. Nothing makes a spooky Halloween party like a jack-o’-lantern cake.

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Of course, you’d have to use multiple layers. Not to mention put a green ice cream cone on top.

58. Perhaps you might want a meringue ghost or two.

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And yes, they’re white with chocolate chip eyes. Perfect for your Halloween dessert platter.

59. You’d like to break with these Frankenstein Kit-Kat bars.

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They’re just Kit-Kat bars with Frankenstein faces. And yes, they’re covered with icing with chocolate chip eyes. Also uses Reese’s cups for hair.

60. You’ll be all wrapped up with these mummy Oreos.

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They’re in white chocolate with drizzle. While these are served on black napkins.

61. You won’t have any bad luck with this black cat cake.

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Technically it’s a chocolate cake with chocolate icing. But it’s still cute even with rather intimidating features.

62. These cauldron cupcakes are quite bubbly.

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Though I think the bubbles are just candy. While they all seemed stirred by a pretzel stick.

63. For your black cat cake, try these black cat cupcakes.

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Yes, they’re more chocolate than black. But they’re all covered in sprinkles.

64. There’s something ghostly about this pudding treat.

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Well, the ghost is made from white chocolate. Then again, it might be an ice cream treat. Has chocolate chip eyes, too.

65. You wouldn’t want to venture into this Oreo graveyard.

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Seems more like a pudding treat. Has candy corn pumpkins beside the Oreo tombstones.

66. Grace your appetizer platter with this scary clown veggie tray.

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These veggies are so healthy it’s scary. And yes, this clown will still scare the hell out of you.

67. Bet you might want to feast on this tombstone cupcake.

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Yes, that’s a worm. But the tombstone’s made out of a wafer cookie sandwich.

68. These Rice Krispie treats sure get quite brainy.

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Yes, they’re shaped like brains which is pretty disgusting. And yes, they’re pretty disgusting.

69. These eye of newt donuts are simply monstrous.

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All of these drip in brightly colored icing with candy eyes. While they’re all decorated with sprinkles.

70. Perhaps you might want some lunch with Death.

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Includes the Grim Reaper dressed in a robe of black nachos around a salad skeletal face. He even has a scythe. So cute.

71. These ghost cake squares will be great for your Halloween dessert platter.

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The ghosts are tufts of whipped cream with chocolate chip eyes. While the squares are orange with a chocolate bottom.

72. No one can resist these monstrous whoopie pies.

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Each of these are made out of brownie with a white chocolate chip jaw. They even have their tongues sticking out.

73.  Monster pretzels make a scary Halloween snack.

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Each one has an eye on it. And yes, they’re all a variety of different colors.

74. Someone must’ve bit into these cupcakes.

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Well, those are supposed to be vampire fang marks. Since they vant to suck your blood, which strawberry syrup.

75. With these peeps, have a spooky graveyard cake.

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Sure, you might not eat the peeps. But they’re quite scary with the grave signs and ghosts.

76. These chocolate owl pretzels will certainly be a hoot.

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Each of these has eyes of chocolate chip and icing. Their noses are made out of peanut M&Ms.

77. Want a bloody truffle?

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These have knifes and axes going through them, which I don’t think are edible. The blood is made out of cherry syrup, I think.

78. These mummy pretzels come all wrapped up.

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They’re pretzel sticks dipped in white chocolate and covered in drizzle. Yet, all have smiley faces.

79.  You can really sink your teeth into these vampire cookie sandwiches.

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These are chocolate chip cookies with chocolate icing filling. They also have M&M eyes and white chocolate chip fangs.

80. Feel free to dip into this cheesy brain.

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Yes, that’s a brainy cheese ball. Perfect on any Halloween appetizer platter.

The Wonderful World of Album Covers (Sixth Edition)

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Once again, I move on to album covers. Of course, who can remember the awesome design with the Beatles’ cover of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. You might recognize some celebrities the Beatles are standing with. Nonetheless, great album covers like this one are always remembered and treasured. However, since I’ve done a post like this for years, you get the idea that we’re not going on a nostalgia trip here. Instead, we’ll look at album covers that were long forgotten for some reason. And not because many didn’t have good music on the records. Some have aged terribly. Some are outrages. While some are just plain weird. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy vintage album covers.

  1. La Wanda: MUTHA*Is Half a Word
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For some reason, I have serious doubts she’s a virgin. Also, she should’ve known she was pregnant by now.

Apparently, this woman’s in for a real surprise.

2. Henri Salvador: Le Martien Count Basie: L’Inspiration Syracuse

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I don’t understand the sci-fi concept behind this album cover. I mean the guy’s in blue make up with a weird diamond helmet.

Man, this Martian really creeps me out.

3. The Pinups: Wild Thing

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Is that a dead hooker in the car? Okay, that’s really disturbing. Hell, this whole album cover is unsettling.

Don’t tell me they’re supposed to be prostitutes licking lollipops.

4. Dani: Dani

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Apparently, being surrounded by clowns can put you in a rather terrifying situation. Also, why isn’t Pennywise in here?

Perhaps this woman has spent too much time with the circus.

5. Mirka Kodica: Bajo

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Seriously, this guy kind of reminds me of those bad 1980s prom pictures. Funnier that he’s wearing a shiny striped suit with a stern expression.

When you have to resort to a backup outfit for your prom picture.

6. The Bee Gees: Life in a Tin Can

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Of course, how they could fit in this old pop can, I’ll never know. Let’s not think about this one too hard.

Apparently, the Bee Gees haven’t been doing too well these days.

7. Brad Swanson: Brad Swanson Goes Hawaiian

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Still, the guy’s posing with women who look awfully young. While his eyes bear some ill intent. Don’t like where this is going.

So, how does Hawaiian organ music sound like?

8. Cerrone: Supernature

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Yes, the animal masks are freaky. But what the hell are they doing in a hospital operating room with a fake body on the gurney?

Beware of the animal masked people under the gurney.

9. Conway Twitty: I’m Not Through Loving You Yet

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Since his wife left him, Conway’s fashion sense has gone out the window. He’s kind of bitter about the divorce. His wife’s got a lawyer and is suing him for half his assets.

Apparently, Conway’s going through a rough patch in his life.

10.  Def Leppard: On Through the Night

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When we start settling Mars, we might have to train astronauts to be truck drivers. Not sure how that’s going to work out.

In the future, large semis will transport giant guitars in space.

11. The DeFranco Family featuring Tony DeFranco: Save the Last Dance for Me

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Those 1970s haircuts certainly don’t help either. That one guy in the back knows how lame this photo op is.

Of course, everyone had to wear a top matching the background with a sequined animal on it.

12. Ed Ames: My Cup Runneth Over

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Then again, to each his own. After all, Ed could really be a nice guy. But that doesn’t help his hairstyle.

You have to wonder what the blond woman sees in this guy.

13. Engelbert Humperdinck: Engelbert Sings for You

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Actually he’s wearing a 1970s jumpsuit and a necklace. But yeah, he probably spent too much time at the tanning salon that day.

Released during a time when Humperdinck was moonlighting as an Elvis impersonator who spent too much time in a tanning salon.

14. The Gary Walker Singers: “I Shall Never Forget the Day.”

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I mean the instruments consist of accordion, banjo, and electric guitars. Also, that one guy looks like David Hasselhoff.

So what genre is this supposed to be?

15. David Cassidy: The Higher They Climb

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Here he jumps to reach a star in front of a large crowd of people. While he holds a white guitar in his hand that matches his jumpsuit. Don’t ask me who came up with this idea.

Didn’t know David Cassidy had the power of levitation.

16. Oscar Brand: Sports Car

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Apparently, you can sit on it, too. As long as the long staff is well into your ass. Boy, that woman’s going to be sore. But for now, she’s reading like it doesn’t seem to bother her.

My, that’s one large tire jack.

17. Jean Carroll: Girl in a Hot Steam Bath

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The one guy in the bathroom’s reading a newspaper with shoes and socks on like it’s nothing. While the women on the other side are checking him out.

Didn’t know they had unisex steam rooms.

18. Orel Turkbas: How to Make Your Husband a Sultan

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Helps if you dress in a jingling bikini that resembles what Princess Leia would wear if Jabba’s palace was a disco. Yet, she doesn’t wear the long chain nor strangle a huge blob monster who used her frozen boyfriend as wall decoration.

A belly dancer shares her tips for wives to please their husbands in the bedroom.

19. The Singing Richey Family: I’m Going Home…To Watch the Flowers Bloom

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I bet the mom’s like, “I shall call her Mini Me.” Hell, they’re wearing the same pink dress.

Apparently, big hair is an inherited trait.

20. Pedro Pinho and Paulo Pontes: Berrante Do Tempo

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Man, these outfits are atrocious. Look at the pink top with gold sleeves. Is it 1970s or what?

When you and your buddy pose in the same space age outfit.

21. Tesura: Fruko y sus Tesos

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They even have chain around a dog and one guy holds a big cigar. But badass they are not.

When your tough guy act goes absolutely nowhere.

22. Maria Luisa Landin: Con la Voy del Alma….

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Seriously, why is her reflection appearing in the glass like that? Does she think she has something on her nose?

When you’re staring into a wine glass when your date doesn’t show up.

23. Rito Esclavo: Pedro Laza y sus Pelayeros

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I mean she’s literally tied to a man by her wrists with rope. And she’s wearing a Sword-and-Sandal costume. So is she supposed to be dragged? Or is she kind of into it? Because I want to know how to feel here.

Is this supposed to be slavery or a kinky bondage routine?

24. Reb Allen: Country Hits

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Still, I know they’re supposed to be prison stripes. But they kind of remind me of pajamas. Also how is he able to play guitar on the rocks?

During his stay in prison, Reb would provide the chain gang entertainment during long, hard days.

25. Gordon Calcote: Folsom Prison Blues

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Nonetheless, I think the cover is more appropriate for “Prisoners of Love.” Also, this pen seems to have a very generous conjugal visit policy.

If you want a sexy version of this hit, we got you covered.

26. The Game Is Over Soundtrack

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Yes, this a soundtrack from a forgettable Jane Fonda movie. Still, naked in the jungle, what can possibly go wrong with that?

Apparently, Naked and Afraid is older than I thought.

27. Il Medico…la Studentessa Original Film Soundtrack

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Okay, it’s probably not a porn movie and I apologize to anyone offended. Still, I’m sure these two are about to play “doctor” at any moment. Seriously, look how the guy’s grabbing the woman’s leg.

Didn’t know they made soundtracks for porn films.

28. Alan Hale: Skipper Alan Hale’s Roman Orgy

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Apparently, the cover implies that a Roman orgy’s just a fancy toga party. But it’s more like a hedonistic free for all with drinking, partying, and group sex.

Also known as the R-Rated version of Gilligan’s Island.

29. Pilz Band: Schtarch Sy

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You’d almost think it was a 1980s version of The Office starring Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander. Got to like that one guy’s shirt.

When your office band hits the big time.

30. Crosby, Stills, and Nash: Live It Up

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So, how can you roast hotdogs on the moon? It has no atmosphere so you can’t light a fire. Oh, those guys are climbing on the sticks? Was the designer on drugs?

Spent roasting hotdogs on the moon.

31. Orrin Star: Fun Songs & Fancy Pickin’

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Heard that he was a musician and shop teacher by day. And a porn star by night during the 1970s. Naturally, him and Adrien aren’t on speaking terms.

Boy, Adrien Brody’s dad is incredibly lame.

32. Orion: Rockabilly

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He wears a mask because he’s fugitive from another state. Not what he did. Still, reminds me of a Will Ferrell SNL sketch for some reason.

This man seems to have an interesting Elvis impersonator routine.

33. El Baile Aleman: Senor Coconut y su Conjunto

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The one guy is framed in a star because he couldn’t make it to the photo session. But he wore the same outfit nonetheless.

Hope you enjoy the puffy sleeves.

34. Terri Gibbs: Over Easy

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Because “Terri” is a female rendition of that name. But the person kind of has a more masculine disposition. Then again, maybe Terri’s just gender fluid.

Is that supposed to be a woman or a guy wearing lipstick?

35. Elna Fredhoy og Rigmor Odum

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Funny, how one could easily pass as Matthew McConaughey’s grandmother. Hope she plays alright, alright, alright.

One plays guitar. The other plays the accordion.

36. Quim Barriero: Recibe um Convite (A Casa Joquina)

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Heard he got his start playing polka music at a nudist colony. Then again, he seems to have stripped all his clothes off.

Someone enjoys playing naked accordion.

37. Knuz Zopy3em

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These guys have such blase expressions that they see no hope out of their boring and meaningless lives. Though I like that front man’s tie.

Featuring hit songs from this up and coming Soviet group. Just feel the excitement.

38. Kjell Kraghe: Vind I Seglen

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And yet his clothes don’t seem the slightest bit wet. Then again, it’s photoshop.

Look out there’s a giant guy in a 1970s jumpsuit on the horizon.

39. “Whoopee” John Wilfahrt and his Orchestra: Dance Night

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For God’s sake would you take the name Wilfahrt seriously? Also, that dancing couple seems all too happy.

Apparently, why they didn’t ask John Wilfahrt to change is name is a riddle for the ages.

40. Mijus Svetlana: Klik-Klak

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Well, maybe Russians don’t mind women not shaving. Since they’re probably more focused on trying to get by. Still, she looks pretty silly in that outfit. Also what are those strings with balls supposed to mean?

Is that armpit hair?

41. Buldozer

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So basically this cover consists of women mooning. I’m sure the moral guardians won’t be happy with that.

Apparently, these women decided to stick their butts to the window.

42. Jasar: Zena Moje Mladosti

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I mean the guy seems more right at home on Stranger Things. Also, is he smoking a cigarette?

Here this Yugoslavian singer poses for a photo like teenage boy on his way to prom in the 1980s.

43. Oliver Mandic: Probaj Me

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So is he supposed to be the Yugoslavian equivalent to David Bowie or Boy George? Also the name Mandic is hard to take seriously as an English speaker.

Here he sits on his red suitcase waiting for a ride while wearing his matching red leather suit.

44. Sneki: Ti Saluto Italia

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Then again, it kind of makes sense. Since Italians are into soccer and high fashion. Still, the woman seems like a snake lady to me.

Apparently, saluting Italy means having a sexy woman near a soccer goal.

45. Father Robert White: The Reverend in Rhythm

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I think this might’ve become a meme. Still, I don’t think you can dance to that song listing. Also kind of reminds me of Matthew McConaughey for some reason.

Just a priest with a pipe who can play some tunes.

46. Jonah Jones: I Dig Chicks

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Still, they shouldn’t be there. No, I don’t see anything wrong with women on a back hoe. But these women aren’t clad in the proper safety equipment. So they run a high risk of injury or death.

Apparently, someone doesn’t see anything wrong with these women being at construction sites for fan service.

47.  Barry Louis Polisar: I Eat Kids and Other Songs for Rebellious Children

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Seriously, why would anyone have a song about eating kids? Is this an album used to traumatize children?

I don’t think his baby appreciates the title.

48. Janet Greene: Country and Spanish Flavors

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After all, she wouldn’t want anything to scald her uh, boobs. Yes, I get that her boobs get considerable attention on this cover.

Let’s hope she doesn’t spill anything on her chest.

49. The Happy Sound of Ragtime

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Because what makes a wholesome image of ragtime like seeing a fat rich guy being served by 2 hookers. Seriously, the woman’s putting some money in her stocking.

Available at an Old West brothel near you.

50. Trevor Crozier and Friends: Trouble Over Bridgewater

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Despite that nobody dresses like that nowadays. Still, I don’t think he’ll find any gold with this album.

He’s just an old prospector having a beer.

 

 

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Eighth Edition)

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Though I usually do postcards before this time, I had some things going on for me during the summer that I didn’t do a lot of blog posts recently. Anyway, this October, my family and I plan on going to Charlotte to see my sister who lives there. We plan to stay for a weekend during the middle of the month. So perhaps I might want to get some old vintage postcards. No, not the ones you normally. More along the lines of those that come across as tacky, insane, weird, or laughably bad. Since we can all use a laugh now and then. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of terrible old timey postcards. Enjoy.

  1. Need to do a bit of landscaping?
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Cause you need the proper lawn implements and extension cord. Doesn’t hurt to do it in Bermuda shorts and flats.

2. Jane Irwill is designed to be lived in.

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Jane enjoys singing on the mic. Kim wishes she’d stop and so she can steal the song from under her.

3. Want to advertise? Picture your product here.

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Of course, they have to put a woman in a swimsuit for extra sex appeal. So I guess the product advertised here is the air mattress.

4. You can always enjoy going to the laundromat.

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Because you can’t necessarily afford a brand new washer and dryer. Hope you have plenty of coins and patience.

5. Nothing makes your day like wearing a colorful hat.

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But Susie thinks she looks like an idiot in hers. She wouldn’t even want to be caught dead wearing it at a Jimmy Buffett concert.

6. “Want to see my matching Wrap-Sak?”

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She’s talking about the robe. But it comes with a matching head towel to dry one’s hair. Still, despite having perfect hair, she doesn’t seem to like brushing it.

7. You’ll find these shakers easy to use.

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Since they contain plastic lids you can easily open and close. Available in 4 different colors.

8. Take a look at these giant airplane controls.

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I don’t think these work by the way. But these women seem unusually impressed.

9. Anyone can look sexy in a long fur coat.

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Though we in the 21st century don’t really think so unless you’re living in a polar region. Still, the background is atrocious.

10. “Look, Mommy, I can vacuum all by myself.”

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Of course, you’d never see me with my mom like that. Because I loathe vacuum cleaners. More like huddling in the corner with my ears covered.

11. “At Heinz we have more than 57 varieties around the world.”

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Though the world to them seems shaped like a giant football. Someone must’ve really messed up here.

12. “I just love painting my boat.”

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Seriously, I don’t think people like painting anything. Nor do I think a swimsuit and sailor hat are proper painting attire.

13. R & R toys make them in all sizes.

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That penguin is way too big for that little girl. But she’s thrilled to have it just the same.

14. Slow down for the Tallahassee Safety Patrol.

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So they stare at a wall in long rain coats. You can see they have a token female by looking at their legs.

15. Care for a duck lamp?

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Basically depicts a desert rock formation and two male mallard ducks flying. Wonder if anyone thinks they’re a couple. Then again, they could just be good friends.

16. With a propane grill, you can be the most talked about host in the neighborhood.

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Maybe in the 1960s this guy might have some pride in his grill. However, I’ve seen way bigger and crazier grills than that at Home Depot.

17. There’s always room for a hairdryer.

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Though I don’t think this hairdryer is at all portable. Because I could hold one in my hand.

18. Get women’s attention with a Hollywood Wolf Whistle.

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Guess it’s a horn you put on your car. Though I’m not sure if women will go for it.

19. Care for a fancy piggy bank?

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Sure these porcelain piggy banks may be pricey and fancy. But they’ll keep your money safe by scaring the hell out of potential robbers.

20. Is your car seats falling apart. Get Shadburn’s Auto Upholstery?

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This ad was probably made on a budget. Also, the woman looks more disgusted than anything.

21. 4 Track storm windows will always protect your house.

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Presented by a woman who’s not wearing pants. So the viewer can see her legs in high heels and pantyhose.

22. Commemorate your baby’s first shoes by casting them in bronze.

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You can sue them as bookends, on picture frames, or on wall displays. Seriously, why would anyone do this?

23. Get the World’s Largest Match Book.

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From BAD POSTCARDS: “The name “Dick Sampson” is printed at the bottom right corner making it seem like this gal’s name is Dick. Why the Hawaiian-themed outfit? What’s with that hat/strainer thing? How many matches are in each World’s Largest Match Book? So many questions.”

24. These cushions will make your home a palace.

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Maybe a harem considering how the woman’s dressed. And she doesn’t seem too happy wearing her skimpy purple outfit.

25. No one can have enough pillows on the couch.

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But Pauline has so many that she can only lie on her couch in this position. Still, they bring a lot of color on a dull gray couch.

26. Any kid would love these fuzz covered plastic creatures.

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Maybe the dog in the middle. But the pig and bear seem quite terrifying to me.

27. Display your reports with Rediform.

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Who knew business can produce so much happiness? Probably someone who enjoys doing memos. Still, why does Miss Rediform even exist?

28. At Hewlett Packard, we have all kinds of machines.

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Though this woman in her lab coat has little idea on how many of these machines work. Since they require all kinds of gears and screws.

29. Any man looks sharp in a gray suit.

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Even Trevor the neighborhood psycho killer. Any young woman dating him on any given night is never seen again since.

30. Kids are always proud to stand in their long raincoats.

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For these boys like to show off all the different colors. Though a few of them look like they’re dressed in trash bags.

31. Have a pen stand that’ll suit your tastes.

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Available in 2 big varieties. One is what can resemble your kid’s art project at school. The other are nightmarish depictions of cartoon characters that can scar you for life.

32. A water softener is a girl’s best friend.

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I don’t think most little girls would say that. Since most of them don’t know what the hell a water softener is.

33. Breathing problems? Have this Monaghan Life Saver on you.

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This looks like a something you’d attach to a respirator. Wonder if you should just go with an inhaler instead.

34. Christmas is always a time for cheer.

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From BAD POSTCARDS: “‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND THE WEIGHT OF SANTA’S CARCASS ON THE ROOF TOTALLY CRUSHED OUR HOUSE.”

35. Take a slice of Ohio Swiss cheese?

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The cheese looks like plastic to me. But at least it comes with saltines.

36. Hey, look, twins.

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Caption: “A NATIVE ALASKAN DARLING dressed in fur parka, trimmed with white fox and her best friend, a Semoyian Puppy.” Still, I don’t buy the girl being an Alaskan native due to her blue eyes, blond hair, and white skin.

37. Keep your lawn maintained with a red riding mower.

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Don’t look now. But Barry’s waving to Myrtle and her son Jack. Little does Jack knows what’s really going on between Barry and his mom.

38. Perhaps you might want something from Australia.

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Most of these are stuffed animals. Yet, you’ll find a boomerang and a hat to wear in the Outback. Still, where’s the diggery-doo?

39. Store your ingredients in these Tupperware canisters.

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Great for hiding the weed in. But don’t let anyone know that or they’ll call the cops.

40. Any girl would delight in these “Mama” dolls.

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On second thought, unless you want to traumatize a little girl in your life, I advise against giving her one of these. Seriously, they’re straight from the realm of nightmares.

41. A straw hat should always have flowers on them.

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Yet, none should don a disembodied woman’s head. Because that’s just disturbing. Available in multiple colors and styles.

42. Water your plants with this KWH mistblower.

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It’s so safe your kids can use it and look like they’re vanquishing their enemies with space age weapons. Said to have deep penetration, steady output.

43. Got a boring house? Just add awnings.

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Actually, the awnings really don’t do anything. Home still looks quite dull. Maybe it needs a paint job.

44. Your lawn can look like this.

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Just add a lawn sprinkler and mow it regularly during the warmer months. Well, as long as you live in California. If you live where I do, it’s not necessary. Also, you won’t have palm trees.

45. Reach for the moon.

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So they were raising money just so three guys can go to the moon? Just save steadily here, I guess. Seriously, this makes no sense.

46. Any little one would enjoy riding a large polka-dotted horse.

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Though the toy horse kind of looks kind of terrifying. Like the purple swan, though.

47. You can’t go boating without a portable minifridge.

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Even to today’s minifridges, this is extravagant. Even includes a freezer.

48. Simple Simon goes near the barbs.

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From BAD POSTCARDS: “Picking your nose is especially grand/When you have a pipe cleaner for a hand.”

49. “Seeing things in Linden, Tenn.”

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They’re basically going with “our town sucks so here are some pictures of cute animals.” At least that’s how I see it.

50. Perhaps you’d like a modern minibar.

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It’s basically a desk for alcoholics. Includes a cocktail shaker and shot glasses.

51. Everyone can use some paper towels.

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I’ve seen those paper towel dispensers at school. Let’s just say I don’t have nice things to say about them.

52. Dualette Sylvania is the big-screen TV that simply moves with you.

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From BAD POSTCARDS: “Carries his portable tube to upscale events. Sexy.”

53. The Tit twins will always boost your business.

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BAD POSTCARDS comment: “Amazing. I wanna see one go up in flames when the motor grease drips onto the controller and an overloaded circuit sparks a fire. And it would still be moving .”

54. Greetings from Kansas.

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Don’t worry about the coyote at the fence. It’s taxidermy so it won’t hurt you, But it will haunt your dreams.

55. Thin mints or merry mints?

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The merry mints come in all kinds of colors. Though I’ll just st