A Nation in Crisis

One thing you can be certain about while living through the Trump years is that whenever you think this illegitimate and criminal presidential administration has hit rock bottom, rock bottom somehow has a deep basement that must now be some sleazy underground city at some point. Apparently, as the Trump crew descend further from the moral limbo stick since the 2016 presidential election, it has been one crisis after another each one being worse than before. As of June 2020, we’re in the midst of a major pandemic that has killed 100,000 Americans and without any form of capable, compassionate, or any unifying leadership.

On Thursday, May 25, 2020, a 46-year-old black man named George Floyd was killed in Minneapolis, Minnesota’s Powderhorn community. While Floyd was handcuffed and lying face down on a city street during an arrest, a white Minneapolis police officer named Derek Chauvin kept his knee on the right side of Floyd’s neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. 2 minutes and 53 seconds of that time occurred after Floyd became unresponsive. Officers Tou Thao, J. Alexander Keung, and Thomas K. Lane participated in Floyd’s arrest. Keung held Floyd’s back. Lane held his legs. Thao looked on and prevented an onlooker’s intervention as he stood nearby. Local police arrested Floyd, accusing him of using a fake $20 bill at a market. According to them, Floyd resisted arrest. While some media organizations stated that a nearby business security camera doesn’t show this. While the criminal complaint filed after the incident later said that body camera footage showed Floyd repeatedly saying he couldn’t breathe while standing outside the police car, resisted getting in, and intentionally fell down. Several bystanders recorded the event with their smartphones with one showing Floyd repeating, “Please,” “I can’ breathe,” “Mama,” and “Don’t kill me.” Though Minnesota law allows knee-to-neck restraints under certain circumstances, law enforcement experts have criticized Chauvin’s use of the technique as excessive. The next day, all 4 officers were fired.

Two autopsies of Floyd were conducted, both ruling his death a homicide. The Hennepin County medical examiner’s autopsy report states that George Floyd had died from a cardiac arrest while under law enforcement restraint. While noting significant conditions such as, “arteriosclerotic and hypertensive heart disease; fentanyl intoxication; and recent methamphetamine use.” Dismayed, Floyd’s family commissioned a private independent autopsy which found that the, “evidence is consistent with mechanical asphyxia as the cause” of Floyd’s death, with neck compression restricting blood and oxygen to the brain, while back compression restricted breathing. Naturally, at the Minneapolis Police Department’s request, The FBI currently conducts a federal civil rights investigation as we speak. The Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension (BCA) is looking into possible Minnesota statute violations. On May 29, Chauvin was charged with third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter in Floyd’s death (which I suppose was part of a compromise). Though Hennepin County district attorney, Michael O. Freeman promised to bring charges against the other 3 officers. As of June 2, 2020, there have been no indictments or charges filed against the accomplices.

Naturally after George Floyd’s death, demonstrations and protests within the Twin Cities erupted. Though initially peaceful on May 26, violence interfered as a police precinct and 2 stores were set on fire while many stores suffered looting and damage. Some demonstrators clashed with police firing tear gas and rubber bullets. Additional protests sprung up in over 200 throughout all 50 states as well as internationally. Such has revealed the pent-up anger over institutional racism nationwide. Given how black people have been subjected to violence by the state and white people for most of American history, this isn’t anything new. While mass demonstrations against state violence have also been a fixture in US politics all the way from the Civil Rights Movement. Scenes from Minneapolis, Atlanta, Brooklyn, and many other cities are just the latest chapter.

And to no one’s surprise, we already have political leaders and others subsuming the protestors’ perfectly legitimate grievances and questioning whether they’re appropriately registering their anger. Such is also a pattern in these moments. Demonstrations become so visible and visceral in the news coverage that they become the story. So the structural problems being protested start fading into the background. Indeed, politicians violence at the protests and for good reason. Since any bodily harm and property damage is of course, worrisome. But their concerns demonstrate the fundamental asymmetry that the protestors are pushing back against. The state has a monopoly on legitimate violence, which is often directed on black people like George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Philando Casile, Sandra Bland, Michael Brown, Freddie Gray, and the list goes on. When they die, the police officers responsible too frequently face no repercussions because the powers that be protect them. Should the men who killed George Floyd go to prison for their crimes, they’ll be exceptions to the unjust and longstanding rule.

Yet, should anger and frustration from centuries of racial oppression compels a peaceful protest to become “violent” (even if most of the reported attacks have been directed against property), that other kind of violence becomes the dominant story. So far as politicians are concerned, it’s a disruption to the natural order that must be corrected. The systematic racism that’s led to so many black lives being cut short becomes secondary. But it really shouldn’t because wanton police violence is a real problem America must grapple with. Otherwise, this will happen again.

Though we should keep in mind that many of these folks decrying the protestors for expressing their anger over police shooting unarmed black people without consequence are the same people who freaked out over Colin Kaepernick taking a knee during the national anthem. The then backup quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers destroyed no property, harmed no one, and expressed his anger over these police killings peacefully and appropriately. And yet, white people still got angry at him for stupid shit like disrespecting the flag or the troops that he’s no longer playing in the NFL. On the other hand, I have seen several demonstrations involving white men carrying guns I think should be banned that have received considerably tame coverage by mainstream media outlets and heroic praises from Fox News. One of these was an act of terror regarding these guys putting an Oregon wildlife refuge under siege for roughly three weeks. Some of these protests feature people with affiliations in Southern Poverty Law Center-designated hate groups. And unless something really awful happens like the violence in Charlottesville, most of them aren’t arrested, tear gassed, beat up, or subjected to rubber bullets. Nor do their guns get confiscated. Most of them usually go home to their families and their lives without consequence unless an online outing results in them being fired. But even then there are exceptions like if you work for Fox News, Brietbart, OAN, Sinclair, or the Trump administration. And if they do face criminal charges, they’ll get sympathy from the jury and likely acquittal.

Unless you live under a rock or watch a steady diet of Fox News (which you shouldn’t), it’s painfully obvious that the American criminal justice system is prejudice against black Americans who are much more likely to be subjected to state-sanctioned violence in the US compared to their white counterparts. According to recent study by Rutgers, the University of Michigan, and Washington University in St. Louis, black men face 1 in 1,000 odds of being killed by police in their lifetimes. But that’s only the most extreme form of discrimination. In both ways big and small, the criminal justice system is biased against black Americans. As a 2018 Washington Post article lists:

  • Black people are about twice as likely as white people to be pulled over by law enforcement for a traffic stop
  • Black and Latino drivers are much more likely to be searched once they are pulled over by the police
  • The murders of white people are more likely to be solved than the murders of black people
  • White people make up less than half of America’s murder victims, yet 80% of the convicted murderers sentenced to death had killed a white person
  • Black Americans are much more likely to be arrested and charged for drug-related crimes, despite no significant disparity in how much those populations actually use narcotics
  • Potential jurors who are black are much more likely to be dismissed by prosecutors than potential white jurors
  • White defendants are substantially more likely than black defendants to have their most serious charge dismissed as part of a plea bargain
  • Even when black men and white men are convicted of the same crime, the black men can expect a prison sentence that is 20% longer

This can go on, but you see the point. Racial discrimination is pervasive in every facet of American society, especially in criminal justice that manifests in every step from arrest to incarceration. And sadly, George Floyd’s brutal killing is only the extreme example of how the state exerts its power over black Americans, which is why those protesting his death want to remedy.

And of course, racism doesn’t just manifest its inherent ugliness in American institutions. Some of its white people as you can see with the vigilante killing of Ahmaud Arbery in Georgia and Trayvon Martin in Florida. Black people deal with the kind of suspicion leading to these guys’ deaths all the time. According to a recent Pew poll, 65% of black people said that someone acted suspicious toward them because of their race, compared to just 25% of white Americans. Such figures suggest a deep level of persistent prejudice. And quantifying racist attitudes because many people don’t want to admit holding them.

A 2017 Pew Research survey provides a useful proxy: as 54% of white Americans claim that black people who can’t get ahead are mostly responsible for their own condition, while only 35% correctly blame racial discrimination. Among black Americans, the numbers are flipped with 59% citing racial discrimination while 31% said people were responsible for their own problems. If you to understand the different worldviews of the protestors and the people who criticize the demonstrations for getting out of hand, that data is a good place to start. Hell, if you’re white, go to your family gathering and observe all the racist dog whistles within your relatives’ conversations. Many of my aunts and uncles voted for Trump, which I see as not just insulting but utterly disgusting, morally repugnant, and disgraceful, regardless of their rationale. Also, if you live in a white neighborhood, take note of all the Trump signs going up as the November nears, which I see as going against America, my Catholic faith, and basic human decency. Now I know you don’t have to be conservative or even a Trump supporter to be racist. After all, look at Hollywood every awards season when there’s an “Oscars so White” controversy with white mediocrity getting the statuettes and masterworks by people of color getting ignored.

As par with the criminal justice system being racist, studies found that black Americans were less likely to have their complaints against law enforcement officers compared to those of white people. This was especially when those complaints pertained to excessive force. Not to mention, there’s a long track record showing how rarely police officers are arrested, much less convicted, when they kill someone in the line of duty. From 2006-2011, only 41 police officers were arrested for murder or negligent homicide in the line of duty. Meanwhile, over the same period, police officers committed more than 2,700 “justifiable” homicides. Thus, either US law enforcement are almost always justified in the most extreme use of force or there are systematic obstacles to holding police officers accountable when they kill one of their constituents.

So given how rarely complaints about police violence are taken up and prosecuted by the same criminal justice system enabling these law enforcement officers, protests akin to what you see in Minneapolis and across the US are one of the few tools available to people wishing to register their opposition to these institutional prejudices. It’s a tradition going back years and reaching its zenith during the civil rights era. The forceful police violence displays shown through cell phone videos on and social media have energized a new era of civil action, beginning with the Ferguson protests and continuing to this day. We should note that many, if not most of these protests remain nonviolent. They operate on a philosophy pioneered by Mohandas K. Gandhi and adopted by Martin Luther King Jr. In the US: peacefully and publicly register one’s discontent with injustices and allow the state’s response, usually militant and sometimes violent, to speak for itself. However, it can be difficult to maintain nonviolence in large groups. And we shouldn’t be surprised that huge demonstrations have resulted in some bad actors getting the spotlight. But before politicians seize on those incidents as representatives of this entire anti-police violence movement, we must know the full story remains unknown.

Minnesota officials stressed that they believe many of the violent protestors caught on news cameras leading to such negative comments, aren’t actually local residents. That alone should be a warning against letting the protests overshadow the problem they’re protesting. Nonetheless, these protests will eventually end. But the problem of America’s racist past and present will remain.

However, if we must wait out the storm during 2020, we must be wary of Donald Trump. Sure, he may be an ignorant orange cartoon supervillain who’s being trounced in the polls by Joe Biden. Yes, he’s a narcissistic psychopath willing to burn our American democracy to the ground to save his own skins. And yes, he’s turned our great country into an utter disaster area. But we must not underestimate him nor take his pitfalls for granted. Trump is no political genius. Yet, he’s a master at exploiting political divisions with his race-baiting demagoguery and self-glorified theatrics. However, what makes him successful is what makes him dangerous. He knows only one thing and very well. Division is all he sees. Discord is all he knows. And all he can do is escalate. As the King Midas of strife, he turns the country he’s supposed to lead into the thing he believes we are, what he is himself.

When we mistakenly elected Donald Trump, we elected a political arsonist. Yet, as bad as things have been, his presidency’s sole consolation as the dearth of what little dry timber we had. The economy hummed along. We faced few foreign crises. Domestic divisions mostly remained on social media. Of course, this doesn’t dismiss real disasters or excuse the Trump administration’s exceptionally cruel policies. Kids were thrown into cages. Toxins were dumped in our streams. While mismanaging Hurricane Maria proved lethal for many Puerto Ricans. But it could’ve been worse. However, the pandemic that Trump fed with his administration’s erratic mismanagement has left over 100,000 Americans dead, which is more than twice as many lives we lost in Vietnam. And the count keeps rising. The economy is in freefall since stay at home orders and social distancing measures has resulted in closed businesses and 40 million Americans out of work. Our societal fabric has been cut while our culture is at war over lockdowns and facemasks as the federal government has epically failed to chart a path toward a safe future. We’re essentially a nation interrupted, aching for the normalcy we lost, unsure of the future we face.

Now that protests and riots have erupted over the newest round of lynchings, there’s blood on the streets, cars mowing through crowds, buildings on fire, bodies being buried, police casually firing on the very people they’re sworn to protect. While all of us are trapped at home see things we can’t unsee are forced to reckon what the country has always sought to delay. As James Baldwin noted, “There are too many things we do not wish to know ourselves.” But thanks to smartphone cameras and viral videos, we see who we truly are and we see who are leaders truly are. Yet, Congress can’t resolve small disputes, let alone fundamental fractures. While Donald Trump is eager for the storm to come since he doesn’t know how to fight the virus. He does know, however, how to fight his own countrymen.

Fortunately, few Americans like want violence in our lives. And we may still be a better country than Donald Trump thinks we are. Cable channels and social media feeds may bombard us with sensationalized violence and destruction, the nonviolent remain true to the story and are the vast majority who risk their bodies for justice, sweep up broken glass, absorb blows from batons and inhaling tear gas simply as an act of solidarity. They make America great. Yet, as our lives turn into nightmares, we are scared, hurt, mistrustful, and divided. And it’s an election year. The kindling is everywhere. The United States of America is a country on the verge of war with itself and so badly needs the leadership it doesn’t have, a empathetic president who truly wants peace.

The Wonderful World of Album Covers (Seventh Edition)

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As you can see, I haven’t done a blog post since April because I’ve been working on a novel I’m almost finished on. Yet, given that we’re being confined to our homes during the coronavirus outbreak, I decided to do another album cover post. After all, among the misery and boredom we must face, we can really use a laugh. So why not with good old-fashioned awful covers? After all, when you’re on the internet, you can find plenty of these on Google Images. Above is Queen’s album Hot Space, which depicts the band Andy Warholesque portraits. And while most of their hairstyles have substantially changed from the 1970s, Brian May is the sole exception. So that his hair’s gone gray, he’s starting to resemble a seventeenth century composer. Anyway, in Bohemian Rhapsody, while the stylists seemed to agonize over Freddie Mercury and John Deacon’s hairstyles, Roger Taylor still sports the same long blond hairdo from the 1970s, despite real life photos to the contrary. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of bonkers vintage album covers.

  1. Bible Story Lady: Creation Series
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More like fairy tales. Given the anthropomorphic creatures and celestial objects.

These don’t seem to be Bible stories to me.

2. Cher: Take Me Home

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For God’s sake Cher, you can’t go out to the castle in that armor. Do you want the enemy to easily stab you? Seriously, she looks like she’s straight out of a video game.

Brought to you by RAID: Shadow Legends.

3. Polly Bergen: The Party’s Over

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After the party descended into a drunken orgy, Mary Lou just wanted to go home. At the same time, she dreaded at the possibility of being a designated driver.

And she does not want to go back again.

4. Dick Contino with the David Carroll Orchestra: Something for the Girls

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Are you sure the women aren’t just staring at your ass, Dick? Maybe that’s your “something” for the girls. Seriously, there aren’t many people who enjoy accordion music.

Because girls really dig an accordion player.

5. Johnnie Mann Singers: Night

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Seriously, this cover features a naked woman smoking a cigarette next to a flower pot table with a naked lady lamp on top of it. Because sex sells, everyone.

Live from the best high end whorehouse.

6. Julie London: Julie

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Tell me this woman is wearing at least a pair of underwear. But I wouldn’t be surprised if she isn’t. Also, she seems to predate Madonna by a couple of decades.

And they say singers today are exposing too much of themselves.

7. Bert Henry: The Hard Way

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Yes, another nudie album cover. But this time the boobs are censored. Parent discretion is advised.

Featuring blacked out titties.

8. George Shearing Quintet: Latin Lace

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After all, she’s all business in the front and party in the back. But in a more tasteful fashion. Still, what kind of bra does she wear?

Just because you have to wear a veil, doesn’t mean you can’t go backless.

9. The Melachrino Orchestra: Music to Work or Study By

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Betty tried her best to study hard despite wanting to hang out with friends. As her mother’s watchful eye gazed over her that evening.

Someone doesn’t trust her daughter with her homework.

10. Various: Music for Relaxing

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You can tell they’re trying to appeal to men. And I’m sure they’ll be “relaxing” to this cover.

Now with a woman wearing a low cut top.

11. Carpenters Hit Melody

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Because you can clearly see their tits. Also, they’re not wearing proper footwear for biking or helmets.

For why wear a shirt and bra if you can just sport a jacket?

12. Passionate Hawaiian Rhythm (Hawaii & Tahiti)

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Heard she was Fishmate of the Year from Hook, Line, and Sinker Magazine. It’s for fishing enthusiasts and perverts.

Where professional fishers have to meet the same qualifications as those in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

13. GTD: Big 3

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Here a couple shares a drink with apparently no clothes on. Also, is the guy Harrison Ford? Looks like him. Not going to judge him.

Featuring the perfect music for your nude beach vacation.

14. Tom Jones: A-Tom-Ic Jones

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Sure, everything’s being annihilated during a nuclear holocaust. But this guy’s still singing and wearing a suit. Even he’ll eventually end up vaporized.

As if 2020 can’t get any worse.

15. Dusan Bogicic: Cepam Case

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Seems like this guy’s been stuck in quarantine way too long. Given that he’s taken to the bottle.

If you’re Eastern European and in quarantine, this might be the perfect album to get drunk on.

16. Generique: Co-Co Boy

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Okay, I don’t think the guy on the right is Elton John. But he sure seems dressed like him.

Featuring a cruise ship captain and a young pre-fame Elton John.

17. Jamie Redfern: Sitting on Top of the World

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Look I’m sure he’s a nice harmless, guy. But smiling like that in that weird hair and placing his shoulders on a boy like that just gives me creepy vibes for some reason. Maybe I’ve heard too many stories on child sex abuse. I don’t know.

I know the kid’s his son but please don’t touch his shoulders.

18. The Nashville Strings: The Nashville Strings Play Great Country Hits Vol. 2

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I don’t know about you. But I wonder if this woman’s got an eating disorder since you can barely see her boobs. Then again, maybe it’s photoshop.

Featuring a topless woman on a tree.

19. Eric Van Camp: Grafted In

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For God’s sake, he’s wearing a horned helmet and fur vest. Resembles less of an opera singer or fierce Viking and more of a guy you’d see eating turkey legs at the Renaissance Festival.

Now in his Renfair costume.

20. The Unknown Quantity

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Apparently, they haven’t gotten used to wearing their human body suits since landing on earth. Also, the women seemed to take their hairdos straight from an outdated magazine.

At last, the first Christian album by extra terrestrials.

21. Vader Abraham: Im Land der Schlumpfe

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Seriously, the guy’s posing with Smurfs while wearing a bowler hat. Need I say more.

Smurfs: Not just for kids in the 1980s.

22. Waterland Underwater Revue: Alice in Waterland

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I get that these underwater shows are a thing in Florida. But why do an album? I’m sure it’s not a musical.

Now how can you do an album underwater?

23. The Collarmen: Time Passes On…

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Because they’re all priests. Though I can’t be sure who’s playing the lead guitar. And the drummer’s only using a snare instead of a full set. Yet, they all can forget about groupies since a celibacy vow forbids it.

So they decided to start a band in the seminary.

24. Georgie Auld and His Orchestra: Dancing in the Land of Hi-Fi

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Seriously, I don’t think Angie’s in the mood to dance with Johnny. Doesn’t want to embarrass herself.

Though this woman’s more like, “Uh, no thanks.”

25. Vesele Veceri: Mjja Aleksic

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Here he is showing a picture of a naked woman’s butt. I’m sure the parents will be all right with that (sarcasm).

Brought to you by your creepy uncle from Eastern Europe.

26. Moe Bandy & Joe Stampley: Just Good O’l Boys Holding the Bug

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Would you trust these guys with valet parking? For God’s sake, why the hell am I asking that question?”

Brought to you by the drunks at the local dive bar.

27. Ricky Skaggs: Don’t Cheat in My Hometown

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Though he might have something hidden in his hair. Perhaps a card, maybe.

Brought to you by men’s hairspray.

28. Tomislav Ivcic: Veceras Je Nasa Festa

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Also, the background is cracked. Still, the guy looks kind of out of place in his porn stache. Not sure why.

When you have to go to a photoshoot but don’t want to change out of your casual attire.

29. Arekino

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Okay, he’s not Weird Al as a sea captain on too many drugs. But you’d almost assume that.

Never seen this early Weird Al cover before.

30. Henry & Hazel Slaughter: Looking Through His Eyes

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While the woman’s hair looks incredibly flammable and she doesn’t seem very comfortable with the guy. Then again, he seems more like a used car salesman than a Christian singer.

Brought to you by Crazy Henry of Crazy Henry’s Used Car Dealership.

31. Mica Ostojic: Trofrtaljka

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I at first thought she was a guy in drag by the look in her face. Still, she appears to see what her neighbor’s up to on her concrete patio.

Behold, the Kim Kardashian of the trailer park.

32. The Thrasher Brothers: Country Cookin’

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Or does the guy near the silverware know that after posing with the food, the conversation will somehow descend to politics one way or another. And he knows many of his relatives voted for Trump.

Someone’s not enjoying Thanksgiving dinner.

33. The Miracle at My House

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As a commenter from Bored Panda noted: “That’s no miracle. That’s an evil ghost dwelling in your house.”

With accompaniment by “Ghost Girl Who Lives in My Attic.”

34. Fos

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Brought to you by the 1970s magic of photoshop. And even by 1970s standards, I’ve seen better.

When it’s the 1970s and your cover design’s got a limited budget.

35. Dan Levenson: Barenaked Banjos

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He’s got his banjos strategically placed. But hey, at least he’s not from Deliverance.. Yet, you don’t want to see your dad like this.

If you like bluegrass and nudism, this is the album for you.

36. Pauline and Randy: Help Me

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From Bored Panda: “Unfortunately, this album was Randy’s last call for help before his mother completely consumed him and he lived the rest of his life in her basement, never kissing, let alone meeting, a girl.”

Is this an album cover or a call for help?

37. Dorothy- “Everybody’s Mother” Goes Country

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Though why she’s dressed for a fancy barbecue I have no clue. But it’s not a suitable attire for hunting or riding.

All a Karen needs is a horse and a shotgun.

38. The Sounds of His Coming

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Yeah, might want to pass on this album. Seems like a recruiting poster for a polygamist cult.

By the Rev. McCreepazoid and his five sister wives.

39. De Germa: De Germa’s Bananenlied

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Says, “There are no bananas today” in Dutch. That’s a lie.

Apparently, these ladies are ape over bananas.

40. Ilona Staller: Ska Skatenati

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Heard she’s an Italian porn star who later became a singer and politician. So there’s hope for you yet, Stormy Daniels.

Never mind the strategically placed bear at her crotch.

41. Olaf Sveen: Dance Party

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Here the accordion player does his thing while wondering if it’s all worth living. Contemplating the inevitability of death.

When you’re clinically depressed but have to play the accordion at a polka fest.

42. Flemming Antony: Frk. Brun

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He was later busted for sexual assault on lady statues. #Metoostatue.

He prefers a woman with a rock solid rack.

43. Jimmy Scott: Falling in Love Is Wonderful

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Seriously, didn’t Bill Cosby end up going to prison for pulling shit like this? For God’s sake, this guy either raped this woman or murdered her. Not sure which is worse.

Brought to you by roofies or poison.

44. Romark: Relax…You’re Going to Lose Weight

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From Bored Panda: “No, see, you were supposed to either prop the album up inside the fridge so when you went to snack you saw him glaring at you, or you tied it to a string and hung it in the middle of the kitchen doorway so it hit you in the face when you went to snack.”

Does that mean he’s going to cut your head off if you let him?

45. Vicki Jamison: He’s More Than Enough

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Then again, we don’t just live on bread alone. However, we still need to eat. Though she’d be wearing a mask today.

Yet, not enough to keep her out of the bread aisle.

46. Danny Boy: Twist

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From Bored Panda: “Unbeknownst to a lot of people, Star Wars was originally written as a rock opera, and the Red Guards were not Emperor Palpatine’s personal bodyguards, but were a band of travelling minstrels. Then George Lucas got involved, and the entire mood changed.”

Are these the KKK’s Christmas outfits?

47. Victory: Pirates on the Sea

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Then again, they seem like the guys you’d meet in the ye Old Port Royal gay nightclub. Don’t ask about the booty there.

If Pirates of the Caribbean was made in the 1970s.

48. De Alpen Zusies: Alser Watte Feesten Walt

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The women also wear skimpy lederhosen that wouldn’t suit the alpine climate. One even has her legs stretched.

Because no Oktoberfest is complete without disco music.

49. Crosby, Stills, & Nash: Live It Up

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You can see Dr. Neil Degrasse Tyson on his Twitter feed now. “You can’t roast hotdogs on the moon. There’s no atmosphere. You can’t even breathe or start a fire on there.” Way to ruin it, Dr. Tyson.

Who wants to roast hotdogs on the moon?

50. Sauter-Finegan: Inside Sauter-Finegan

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Okay, they’re a music duo. But the anatomical picture just looks really freaky.

Who wants to know what’s inside co-joined twins.

Staring Down the Coronavirus Pandemic

Since the Coronavirus outbreak has compelled us to retreat from our social lives and stay at home, I’ve mostly been confined to my house save for the occasional walk. Indeed, I’ve adjusted quite well to quarantine. But there are still things I miss. For instance, I miss going to church. I miss going to a library, Barnes & Noble, the movies, my grandma’s, and so many other places. However, I can be grateful that I could social distance and not worry about going out too much. Since aside from a morning walk, I usually stay indoors anyways. And I’m not the one in my house going out for groceries or visiting my grandma either.

Yet, what has occupied my mind since I started social distancing hasn’t been how I’ve been faring since I know if I come down with it, most of it pertains to how much our national embarrassment has epically fucked up. When it comes to Donald Trump’s presidency, rock bottom always appears to have a basement. But he is a man who’d rather blame God for his own misdeeds than take any responsibility for them. Yet, since that will get him in trouble with the Christian Right, he’ll blame literally anyone else that goes against him. Anyway, Trump has handled the Covid-19 situation about as abysmally as you’d expect. For God’s sake, the guy has had since January to do something about it. Actually he had plenty of time before that. Not to mention, he continues to incur massive damage in coronavirus response efforts because he’s more concerned with his own image and getting reelected.

The US problems in handling the coronavirus pandemic began in April 2018, when the Trump administration started disbanding the pandemic response team while repeatedly calling for CDC budget cuts. By the time the coronavirus came to the United States, officials had to rebuild a coordinated response team they had dismantled a couple years before. You don’t have to be psychic to realize that such actions are terrible ideas. After all, the Obama administration set up the pandemic response team in order to prepare for one, which experts said would be inevitable. Nonetheless, doing away with some regulation, agency, or any other government function, it doesn’t lead to anything good. Unless it deals with something that’s incredibly obsolete.

As early as November 2019, national security experts warned Donald Trump about Covid-19’s expected spread throughout the United States. In January, trade adviser Peter Navarro warned the White House that the novel coronavirus could kill half a million Americans, shortly after the cases began spreading through China. As time passed, Trump minimized the problem in his messaging, did little to address testing shortages, and delayed declaring a national emergency to unlock aid funding. Furthermore, Trump and the federal government repeatedly ignored opportunities to mitigate the virus’ spread through extensive testing. Hell, he’s even called the coronavirus a hoax on many occasions. And while his tune has changed in recent weeks (though I’m not so sure about that), experts say the early sluggish response will likely have lasting effects on the virus’ spread in communities and how deadly it’s become.

In January 2020, the Trump administration restricted travel to China, the day after the World Health Organization declared a global health emergency. Though Donald Trump often cites this as an early, decisive move on stopping virus, it was already spreading within US borders. And at best, the government only bought time it didn’t use particularly well. Given that we have a complete sociopath in the White House whose chief worry is mainly his own self-image. And beyond that decision, Trump has mostly downplayed the coronavirus’ severity from the beginning and largely failed to take early widespread actions that could’ve slowed the disease’s spread in the country. Instead, Covid-19 is now projected to kill tens of thousands of Americans. Yet, as US officials warned of major disruptions ahead by late February, Trump insisted that the virus was contained in the US and that, “it’s going to disappear. One day, it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.” Except that it totally did the opposite.

Even in March as people began dying in Washington state and elsewhere, Trump administration officials assured the public that the US was “way ahead of the curve” on preparing for the virus, saying that “the vast majority of Americans are not at risk for this virus,” and the Trump campaign refused to cancel campaign rallies. Finally, in mid-March, Donald Trump agreed to recommend social distancing around the country and declared a national emergency, which unlocked $42.6 billion in funding to help states get more resources as medical supplies in some states were already running thin (like he had any choice). Nonetheless, supplies are still difficult to come by, which experts have said is partly due to Trump’s dismantling of the pandemic preparedness team before the crisis. Nevertheless, Trump stated that “I don’t take responsibility at all,” in the nation’s slow response. So he’ll blame someone else whether it’s the Chinese, WHO, Democratic governors, Dr. Anthony Fauci, or anyone else that could serve as a convenient scapegoat.

Still, while social distancing has been official Trump administration policy, that hasn’t stopped Donald Trump from inciting chaos in the country. Tweeting sentiments like “Liberate Michigan,” and other states with governors he doesn’t like, he has encouraged anti-social distancing and anti-stay-at-home orders rallies in the United States calling the state-based measures too draconian. Fox News has also promoted these protests on air. Funded and organized by conservative groups like Freedom Works, these ill-advised events have somehow attracted thousands of people. Some of these have posted links and images on Facebook downplaying Covid-19’s seriousness. While other leaders have advocated against following CDC guidelines, like a ban on big gatherings and recommending face masks. While these protests draw some Tea Party parallels, some take the feel of 2016 Trump campaign rallies with participants wearing MAGA hats and waving flags emblazoned with Trump’s stupid face. Some may wear masks. While many do not nor do they stand 6 feet apart from each other. They’re also quite selfish since they complain about needing to buy fertilizer for their gardens, new furniture, or a haircut. Some want to go golfing, a massage, or their nails done. You’ think these protestors want businesses to open back up so they can go back to work. But it’s not the case. Rather they’re protesting to demand other workers to return to their jobs to endanger themselves in order to serve them and their nonessential desires. For these same people will never protest for better wages, or more worker protections. They’re just fighting to force poor people to go back to doing their hair and selling them makeup, furniture, and other fancy things. Let us note that these people are selfish and irresponsible assholes who don’t care if people die just as long as they get their stuff.

In any case, these anti-lockdown protests tap into Donald Trump’s main message on the coronavirus pandemic: Blame the governors for this crisis, not him. As Trump ratchets up his reelection efforts, his argument is an effort to put the brunt of responsibility for the coronavirus catastrophe on his political opponents’ shoulders while maintaining he has “total authority” over the pandemic and the states facing it. It’s an argument that resonates in rural, redder parts of the country, which the pandemic hasn’t hit as hard as blue, urban areas yet. It’s a message of division designed to pit Republican-voting areas against their Democratic-voting neighbors, even rural Republicans against urban Republicans. All this to activate the white rural Trump voters of 2016 and whom he’ll need again in 2020. For some on the right, the plan seems simple: vilify Democratic governors and agitate the end of shutdown orders. Then “reopen the economy” and spur a massive turnaround in the nation’s economic projects just in time for Donald Trump to cruise to reelection in November. Should the pandemic recede, he can claim entire responsibility. But if people keep dying, he can just blame Democratic governors.

Fortunately, that strategy is more likely to blow in Donald Trump’s big orange face. The public (including a vast majority of Republicans), largely supports social distancing measures. While new polling suggests half of Republicans are concerned that stay-at-home orders and social distancing measures will be lifted too quickly. In fact, research shows that Americans began social distancing before their government urged them to do so. And they likely wouldn’t stop if they were lifted. Thus, the anti-shutdown protests don’t mirror public opinion. Not to mention, in order for Trump to benefit from their potential impact, the coronavirus needs to spare rural American (which it isn’t). Besides, in many rural areas, even a relatively small number of coronavirus cases can stretch rural hospitals and health networks to the limit. Not to mention, coronavirus rates in Idaho and South Dakota are also increasing.

Nonetheless, the coronavirus pandemic has revealed how messed up the United States really is. Though a virus doesn’t discriminate in who it infects or kills, black people, Latinos, low wage workers, the elderly poor (well, poor people in general), those our healthcare system has historically neglected, and those pummeled with our racism. Though we are all in this together, not everyone is exposed at an equal risk. If you live in a dense urban center, depend on public transportation, work in a low wage and unpredictable job without enough protections or adequate health insurance, you are undeniably most “in it.” Not because you didn’t shelter fast enough or washed your hands enough times. But because we live in a country with a story riddled with redlining, undervalued care, and the insidious legacy of slavery.

Yet, even worse, this pandemic has been absolutely crushing to low income workers who are either risking their lives to keep society going and feed their families or are unemployed. A recent survey from Pew reported that just over half of low-income adults in the US had someone in their household who had either lost their job or hours. Making matters worse, just 23% of low-income people had enough money saved to cover 3 months’ expenses in case of financial emergency. And as of April 2020, 22 million people have filed initial claims for unemployment insurance over the past several weeks. However, this Pew study suggests those already in difficult financial circumstances ahead of the pandemic are bearing the brunt of economic damage. And not surprisingly, many Americans weren’t in as strong financial position as they may have appeared. Thus, we shouldn’t be shocked that 53% of low-income workers reported that they’d have trouble paying some of their monthly bills. In addition to Covid-19 fatalities being disproportionately prevalent among people of color and those in poverty, all this puts additional pressure on family members who still have jobs to keep working and possibly fall ill themselves. Grocery stores have reported that employees have started to die from Covid-19. And so have public transit workers responsible for getting people to work.

So when the pandemic ends, should we go back to normal? Oh, hell, no. Because as the coronavirus has ravaged our country and overwhelmed our healthcare system, we are confronted with some stark realities of inequality and economic duress. We may call our “essential workers” heroes, but after it’s over, will we remember them and treat them as such? With that, I’m not so sure. After all, we’ve referred to first responders as such on 9/11 and it took 18 years to pass a law guaranteed to fund their medical care for their injuries. We’re often told to support our troops as they go off to war and remember their sacrifice whenever they die or march in a parade. Yet, the VA is an utter bureaucratic clusterfuck that might be run by 3 of Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago friends behind the scenes, while veteran homelessness is a thing. And if they’re found undocumented, well, their service record won’t save them from possible deportation. Now we’re putting healthcare workers, maintenance workers, drivers, grocery, gas station, and pharmacy employees, garbage collectors, and other “essential” people on the heroic pedestal. Many of them work for low wages with no health benefits and no form of paid leave of any kind. They’re also spending considerable time away from their families and possibly exposing themselves to the virus that might eventually kill them. If we want to anything to honor these heroes’ sacrifice, perhaps we should remember what they did for us and maybe make sure they’re treated as valued members in our communities. Some ideas include at least establishing healthcare as a right and providing a single-payer public option for those earning below $1 million per year, raising the minimum wage to at least $15 per hour, mandating paid sick leave, safer conditions, and collective bargaining rights so they can organize regardless of their employer’s union stance. When it comes to crises like this, normal won’t save us. Rather let the coronavirus provide us the opportunity to build a better world and get Donald Trump out of the White House in November. Seriously, he’s a psychopath who’d willingly have people get sick and die for the economy and increase his reelection chances.

The Pastel World of Easter Village Houses (Fourth Edition)

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Now we get to Easter village houses. As the Coronavirus ravages the world, social events are cancelled, Easter celebrations are postponed, and everyone’s staying at home. I’ve already missed church for 2 weeks and will probably do so for several more, which I don’t do very often save if I have to work or are on vacation. My dad also had to cancel a dental appointment for me. Anyway, like you see with the Christmas and Halloween village houses, these are mostly made of glitter putz. But these Easter houses are mostly in spring colors. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of Easter village houses.

  1. How about a nice little green cottage?
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This one is green with a yellow roof and chimney. Love the bunny and flowers.

2. You might prefer this yellow house with a green roof.

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Has some lavender flower boxes and a border at the front door. Also includes chick and an Easter basket with eggs.

3. Any chick would love a simple white house.

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Shows a chick near the window. Also consists of flowers and a little yellow present.

4. A lavender glitter house will do just fine on Easter.

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Has a flower wreath on par with the second floor windows. While a bunny sits outside with a chick among eggs.

5. An Easter house can use some flowers.

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This one has green flowers on the roof. While a bunny sits on the lawn with Easter eggs and daisies.

6. Care for a fancy green cottage?

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This one has green walls and pink laced windows. While the smoke from the right chimney is made from pipe cleaners.

7. You might feel at home with this purple Easter house.

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Has a pink roof and lace on the chimney. Love the flowers and trees with Easter eggs.

8. A pink and white house makes a perfect bunny hutch.

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The bunnies sit in the lawn behind the carrot and white picket fence. A bird sits on the chimney.

9. A pink house will always suit you nicely.

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Has a green roof and blue edged windows. Has flowers on the roof and alongside the yellow pavement.

10. Anyone would love to go to a white church on Easter Sunday.

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Has a yellow roof, door, and window edging. Decked with Easter eggs and spring flowers. So pretty.

11. A small yellow cottage will always do.

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Has a sea green roof and chimney top. Love the blue edging and door. Also the flowers are gorgeous.

12. A white church looks resplendent with a pink roof.

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Decorated with flowers on the roof and lawn. Love the star on the steeple.

13. Perhaps you’d prefer your roof curved.

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This is a yellow house with 2 chimneys and a green roof. Has blue edged windows with green shutters. Love the flowers.

14. Care for a green roofed church?

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Well, the walls are kind of green, too. But not the kind of green I like. Love the flowers and trees though.

15. This Easter, you might like this small blue cottage.

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Has a green roof with 2 chimneys. Like the flower boxes. So pretty.

16. An Easter village can always dazzle in the night.

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Just as long as these houses have lights inside. Also includes floral decorations.

17. Feel free to add flowers.

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Has fancy walls with lace along with some pearl edging. Love the flowers on the windows and roof.

18. Nobody can resist a lavender candy store.

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Says “Cottontails Candy” on the awning. As a bunny sits on the lawn outside the fence.

19. A small blue house will always do.

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Has a pink roof with white edging. And I guess 2 chicks live there, too.

20. How about a small modern home for a change?

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This one is yellow with a slanted green roof. Love the flowers on the window.

21. A light green house will always be right for spring.

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Has a lavender roof with green shutters. There’s also a couple of bunnies and an Easter basket with eggs.

22. Perhaps you might prefer a pink springtime cottage.

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This one has a green roof with a chimney. Includes pink trees, 2 bunnies and an Easter basket on the lawn.

23. How about a lavender home with a bow?

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The ribbon on here depicts Easter eggs. Like the Easter eggs in the wheelbarrow and bunny at the door.

24. A blue house will always do.

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Though it can use some more glitter. Love the lavender roof.

25. A cute yellow house is all you need.

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Has a lavender roof and pink shutters to match. Love the flowers.

26. Care for a large flower on the roof?

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The flower on this roof appears to resemble the sun. Has a bunny with Easter eggs in the front lawn.

27. Welcome the spring with this light blue house.

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Has a pink roof and pearls on the lattice. Like the ceramic bunny on the lawn.

28. A small pink cottage might suit your fancy.

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Has a lavender roof with flowers. A bunny hangs around the front lawn among the trees clad in Easter eggs.

29. You might like this blue house with a white roof.

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Has a vintage girl image near the window. Like the flowers. So pretty.

30. Perhaps you’d like a house with butterflies.

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This is in a butterfly pattern. As a pink bunny sits on the lawn. So cute.

31. Enjoy your time at this Easter café.

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It’s a lavender building with a yellow roof and chimney. Love the tables and fancy sign.

32. Give some encouragement with this Easter house.

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This is a yellow house with in orange roof. A butterfly sits on the chimney.

33. Want to add a garland to your house?

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This is a white house with some yellow and green fixtures. Has a bunny, chick, and Easter basket in the front lawn.

34. You’ll feel cozy at this green Easter house.

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Has a blue roof and chimney. Includes 2 bunnies and a basket on the lawn.

35. No Easter village is complete without this lavender house.

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Has a green roof and chimney. Includes a bunny, chick, and Easter basket sit on the front lawn.

36. A flowery house should suit you fine.

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Well, the flowers are on the walls. As you see a bear in a bunny costume.

37. You might want to see this yellow house.

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Has a green roof and chimney. Includes a bunny with artistic aspirations.

38. You’ll be enchanted by this lavender Easter house.

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Even has a porch. Includes an Easter basket with bunnies. Love the flowers and the purple wreath.

39. How about a sweet soft pink Easter house?

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You can see the chocolate bunny near the window and bow near the roof. Love the flowers.

40. Feel free to add some flowers to this house.

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You can see the flowers decorating the roof. Includes a bunny and a pink chick. So cute.

41. A simple yellow house will suit you fine.

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This has a unique pink roof with a butterfly on top. Love the trees on the lawn. So whimsical.

42. Want to go to the Blossom Shop?

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And boy, will you have your pick of blossoms. And it’s in lavender, too. So pretty.

43. You might want to check out this lavender Easter house.

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You’ll find a couple bunnies with a chick in the front lawn. Love the flower wreath at the door.

44. You might feel at home with this charming blue house.

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This one has a white roof and chimneys along with striped columns. While a bunny sits painting eggs in the lawn.

45. This house has a rather flowery disposition.

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Well, it’s got a flowery walls and roof. While a ceramic bunny stands on the lawn.

46. You’ll find eggs all over this Easter house.

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It’s pink with gingham chimneys, striped columns, and a white roof. Wonder how they manage to find eggs that small.

47. Perhaps chicks might dig a white and lavender house.

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You might see a vintage image of some chicks inside a shoe. Love the flowers on top.

48. Might want to add a couple of sheep to this lavender Easter house.

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They’re even in different colors, too. while the roof is white with pastel edging. So pretty.

49. You might want to welcome spring with this pink Easter house.

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This one has 2 peaks to display the “Spring” banner. Also includes 2 lambs and a bunny.

50. Nothing brings Easter like a pink house like this.

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This one has pink butterflies. Also includes bunnies and toadstools.

51. Care to add a cross and daisies?

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Here’s a blue house with a white roof. Also includes a lamb and butterfly.

52. A chick would love to live in an egg house.

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The egg house is lavender with stripes. The chick on the lawn looks so fuzzy. So cute.

53. Feel at home in this yellow house.

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This one has a blue glitter roof. Includes a bear dressed as a blue Easter bunny suit. Love the flowers.

54. You might find this blue house rather charming.

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This one has a pink roof. Love the jeweled flowers. So pretty.

55. Welcome spring with this pink Easter house.

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Says “Spring” on the roof. Includes pink bear and a bunny on the lawn.

56. Feel free to take some pastries at this bakery.

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You’d be amazed to find what kind of treats are inside. While a bunny holds a cupcake tray.

57. This blue Easter house might strike your fancy.

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The roof is pink. Has Easter eggs and Easter egg trees in the front lawn.

58. Greet the Resurrection with this flowery church.

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Has a blue roof. Includes an Easter egg tree and fancy white bench.

59. Get in the spring of things with this Easter house.

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This one is blue with a pink roof. Has an Easter egg tree and a chick on the front lawn.

60. Make yourself at home at this Easter house.

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This one has a blue and pink roof and lavender and green tower. A chick sits in the front lawn.

61. Care for a more flowery home?

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This one has a pink floral wall pattern and a pink roof. As Easter eggs and flowers sit on the lawn.

62. You can’t go wrong with these glitter houses.

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All of these are in pastel colors with sparkly roofs. And each seem to have bunnies on the front lawn.

63. You’ll get fresh eggs at this yellow barn.

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This one’s rather simple. While the chick outside is so fuzzy.

64. You’ll find all these Easter houses glittering.

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Each of these is in a unique pastel color. There’s even a yellow church. Love the flowers.

65. A simple white house can have a rather fancy roof.

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This one has a roof of pink, yellow, and orange dots. While a chick stands at the front door.

66. An Easter house can use a few flowers.

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You can see them on the roof. As a basket of chicks sits by the window.

67. Stop by Miss Bunny’s Easter Bakery.

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This one is green with a pink awning. Like the bunny in the front lawn.

68. Care to stop by for a cupcake?

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Yes, this is another bakery. But you can see a large flower box on the top story.

69. Spend your Easter at this pink house.

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Has a blue roof with lace on top. While bunnies circle along the lawn on top of a stand.

70. You can’t resist a lavender Easter house like this.

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This one has an interesting roof. Includes a basket on the lawn. Love the flowers.

71. A small blue cottage will do.

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Has a pink roof. As a pink bunny dances on the lawn.

72. You might prefer a small white house.

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This one has a pink roof and a swirly smoke stack. While a bunny sits on the lawn with a purple tree.

73. A pink house can bring in the spring charm.

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Has a lavender roof. While a lamb walks on the glittery lawn.

74. Perhaps you might want a more colorful springtime cottage.

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You can see the pipe cleaner smoke twirling from the green chimney. A pink bunny sits with flowers on the lawn.

75. A simple pink house will do.

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This one even includes pink trees. While 3 bunnies sit in the lawn.

76. Want to see a gorgeous Easter tree?

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This one is on a hat box. Includes baubles, birds, and eggs.

77. There’s something golden about this Easter house.

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Has a pink roof with 2 chimneys. While a basket and bunny sit on the front lawn. Love the flowers.

78. A yellow house is certainly festive.

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This one has a white roof. While you can see chicks on the door. Love the flowers.

79. Care to admire this pink egg house?

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This one has a purple roof and shutters. Like the bunnies in the front, too.

80. A lavender cottage shouldn’t have to be too fancy.

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This one has a striped roof and green door. While 2 chicks stand on the front lawn.

81. The Easter Bunny stops by.

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This lavender house has a brown roof. Yet, you have to love the fencing and flowers.

82. Care to go to a small pink cottage?

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The roof is quite fancy. Yet, the Easter egg and bunny are quite large.

83. A spring flower house like this might suit your fancy.

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It’s pink with a blue roof. Yet, it’s quite lovely to have in your Easter home, isn’t it?

84. A small house can even have fancy roof.

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This one is pink. A well dressed bunny and a basket stand in the front lawn.

85. A small floral house will always do.

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Has a pink gingham roof. Outside you see a chick with an Easter egg.

86. You might feel at home at this green house.

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Has a lavender roof with chimneys. A chick sits near an Easter basket on the lawn. Love the flowers.

87. How about a house with stripes?

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This one has a pink roof. Chicks and a pink bunny stand on the lawn. While the trees look rather interesting.

88. A bright yellow house may be just what you need.

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The roof is white. While the chicks in the lawn wear fancy hats. So cute.

89. How about a yellow house with twin peaks?

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The top has a sign saying “Happy Easter.” As bunnies and lambs frolic on the lawn.

90. You’ll be charmed by this polka dot house.

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Has a white roof with blue trim. Two bunnies sit on the lawn with a white tree decorated with blue pearls.

91. A pink candy house can be just as sweet.

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You can see the candy stuff on the roof. Window has a yellow shell decoration.

92. Perhaps this sweet house will suit your fancy.

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Yes, this is another candy house. Yet, this one has blue candy decor on the top. Like the cute door with the bunny window.

93. An Easter church can use a jewel on top.

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The roof is yellow. While the top window’s shaped like a star.

94. Hope you enjoy this white spring house.

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Has a green roof and green flowers. As 2 chicks stand at the door under an umbrella.

95. You’ll be captivated by this small Easter cottage.

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This one has a lovely lavender roof. While you see a cut out of a bunny and an Easter egg at the front door.

96. Would anyone like a spotted yellow house?

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The roof is white with yellow pearls. 2 bunnies stand in the yard near a bench. So cute.

97. A white Easter cottage can use a few flowers.

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Has a lavender roof on top with yellow windows and green trim. Love the flowers. So pretty.

98. You might find a pink house like this quite charming on Easter.

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This one is pink with 2 chimneys. Love the flowers on the roof and pavement.

99. You might want to spring into action with this orange house.

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Well, it’s yellow with an orange roof. But it’s certainly covered in flowers.

100. A castle like house can always use some flowers.

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Well, they more or less resemble berries. But you have to appreciate the charm, especially with the lamp post.

Fun with Easter Bonnets (Sixth Edition)

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Now we’re on to Easter bonnets. Sadly, due to the Coronavirus outbreak, you won’t be able to see any Easter parade in New York City or in your hometown. Thus, we’ll all be deprived all those wonderfully ridiculous hats. Of course, a lot of Easter events have been canceled all the way up to the Vatican as we await to flatten the curve in our homes. Still, that doesn’t mean we can’t have any fun. We’ll just have to look at older pictures of ridiculous Easter bonnets through previous years. So for your reading pleasure I give you another assortment of wonderfully weird Easter bonnets. Enjoy.

  1. Someone’s adequately practicing social distancing.
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Mostly because her hat’s so huge that you can’t really get under it. Contains flowers and butterflies.

2. Want a bird’s nest in your hair?

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Well, it’s a small nest with eggs. And I’m sure birds didn’t make it. Or she’d be in very deep shit.

3. Her hat’s all stringy.

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Since it’s made of plastic tubes. You’d also see a few ladybugs.

4. How about one with a bunny basket?

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Okay, the basket is made out of foam with eggs inside. Though you have to like the grass brim.

5. These birds enjoy their new tree house.

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This one has a lot of pom pom chicks all over it. So adorable.

6. How high can you go?

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This one has tiers of Easter. Got to add some chicks and eggs for good measure, too.

7. She’s planning to hit all the shows.

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Unfortunately she can’t because of Coronavirus. Though she can certainly look sensational.

8. Some of these chicks have their own hats.

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You can see them on the brim. While a bird in a nest sits on the top. So cute.

9. You’ll find a bunny inside this large egg.

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This Easter bonnet has an egg diorama on top of it. Love the bunny and eggs.

10. On Easter bonnets, 2 bunnies are better than one.

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You can even see them kissing as they set their carrots down. You can see chicks and eggs on the brim.

11. Even dogs deck their Easter bonnets.

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Yes, dogs have their own, too. This one is purple with jewels and feathers.

12. Perhaps a yellow hat may suit you.

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It’s fuzzy with feathers on the brim. While you can see pom pom chicks in a nest on top.

13. Nothing beats an Easter bonnet of rainbows and candy.

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Has lollipops and rainbow feathers and sequins. Perfect for any Easter parade, not during a Coronavirus quarantine.

14. When in doubt, add a large pink butterfly.

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This is a purple top hat Easter bonnet. Also, love the flowers. So pretty.

15. You might want to wear a bug house.

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Not a real bug house. But a perfect Easter bonnet for spring. Like the ladybug near the window.

16. You can’t go wrong with monarch butterflies.

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You can see them on this Easter bonnet as they’re paper made. While 2 plush birds sit on top.

17. Care for a pink bunny on top?

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You can see it hold eggs. Also has Easter eggs along the brim on top green tissue paper and flowers.

18. A chick goes well on a straw hat.

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It’s a plush chick. As you can see Easter eggs on the sides. So adorable.

19. How about a flower basket hat?

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This one has yellow flowers inside. Great for any Easter parade.

20. A purple bunny hat might suit you fine.

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You can also see the purple ribbons and the Easter eggs all over it. If you want to show off, this is the Easter bonnet for you.

21. Nothing makes Easter like an egg tree.

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Okay, one made into a cone from paper. Also consists of plastic eggs and pom pom chicks.

22. Bunnies and chicks can make quite an impression.

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Decked with Easter eggs and pom pom chicks. A brown bunny sits on top.

23. An Easter bonnet like this is simply magical.

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You can see the bunnies all over it. Perfect for young boys. So cute.

24. Don’t forget to add a few birds.

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You can see a chick on the brim. And a goldfinch on the top. Both among flowers.

25. The higher you go, the better.

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She wears a hat that seems like it’s from some weird aliens on Star Trek. Decorated with flowers and paint samples.

26. You can always use a blue rose.

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This is a blue rose hat. If you want anything simple for an Easter parade, this is it.

27. A watering can basket is just as nice.

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Because the plastic and metal ones belong in the garden sheds. Though it does contain flowers.

28. What can be better than sequin bunny ears?

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They also have fuzz on them. Also decorated with funky feathers.

 

29. Chicks love big yellow flowers of tissue paper.

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Well, pom pom chicks anyways. Nonetheless this is kind of cute.

30. Some bunny’s gotten stuck in the hole.

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Don’t worry little guy. The Coronavirus may not affect you. Well, as a far as we know.

31. Perhaps you might want to go small.

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You can see how it’s small enough to put on a headband. But it’s certainly fabulous.

32. Care to put a little house on a small hat?

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The house is shaped as an egg and made out of paper. While a cute little pom pom chick resides there.

33. This minion is ready for Easter.

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This one has a nest on his head. Also has pom pom chicks and Easter eggs.

34. You can never get too fancy.

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This is a top hat with jewels and flowers. Even includes a feather plume and ribbons.

35. You seek a Yoda Easter bonnet.

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Yoda made out of cardboard he is. A nest of pom pom chicks on his head he has.

36. You can never have too many flowers.

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You can see how the hat’s in a weird cone shape. While all the paper flowers are in sensational colors.

37. A large chick will always do on a small hat.

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This one is made out of pom poms. And yes, it’s surrounded by chicks and eggs.

38. Bunnies love to live in a toadstool.

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Only in fiction, that is. But this is cute nonetheless.

39. How about a cone hat of carrots?

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You can see how they have green leaves made from Easter grass. And you can barely see the kid’s face.

40. Top hats can’t be flashier without sequin bunny ears.

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The ears are also fuzzy, too. Also has green paper grass and daffodils on the top.

41. Feel free to don ridiculous hats with your best furry friend.

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Because why should humans have all the fun? Though the dog doesn’t seem to enjoy it.

42. You can always add a wig with some flowers.

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Actually they seem to resemble very long floppy rabbit ears. And yes, they look really strange with the flowers.

43. I’m sure Easter bonnets don’t just have to feature flowers.

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Some of these have plush bunnies. Yet, each Easter bonnet is quite sensational.

44. You’d think these Easter hats have a sweet disposition.

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Each of these have candy coated hair and weird hats. One wears a pie. Another a cupcake.

45. Pigs fly on this hat.

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Rather you see plastic pigs with wings. And then hell freezes over.

46. The puffier the flowers the better.

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As you can see, the flowers on these hats are made from tissue paper. One even has a bunny inside.

47. Hope your Easter bonnet is covered in flowers.

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And yes, it’s quite huge. Too bad she can’t wear it this year due to Coronavirus.

48. Small white flowers can certainly stun.

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Particularly when they’re on branches. And those branches aren’t on a tree.

49. This hard hat has all the Easter fuzz.

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It also has a bunny on top holding a basket of Easter eggs. Like the bunny glasses.

50. Care for a minion bucket hat?

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This one has pom pom chicks at the brim along with some eggs. But the minion face really stands out.

51. Guess someone’s wearing all their laundry.

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Well, it sure looks like it. Given how much of her Easter bonnet is crumpled up cloth.

52. Any man can look dapper in an Easter bonnet.

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Apparently, men were donning ridiculous Easter bonnets back in the turn of the century. Though I’m sure it wasn’t the middle guy’s idea.

53. Flowers don’t have to be huge for an Easter bonnet like this.

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This one has paper flowers all over this green hat. Also includes pom pom chicks.

54. Perhaps a more stringy hat will suit you.

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Consists of blue, purple, and white ribbons and string. Love the flowers.

55. A blue bunny hat is just as nice.

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The blue bunny is plush and cuddly. Also consists of a flower leigh along with pom pom bunnies and chicks.

56. Hope you enjoy a bunny coming out of this hat.

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The bunny’s made from cotton and carries a baton. All in all, it’s adorable.

57. This hat’s got legs.

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It’s a pink long top hat with legs on it. Don’t know what it’s supposed to be for and why.

58. You’d buzzing around this little beehive.

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The hive is made from some kind of paper mache. Also consists of bees buzzing about.

59. You can always wear a nest.

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This one has eggs inside along with pom pom chicks inside. So adorable.

60. One large chicken is all you need.

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The chicken is pink. Has eggs and pom pom chicks on the brim.

61. Sometimes a few cute Easter critters is all you need.

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This one has a plush bunny and chicken on top. While a pom pom chick has a little hat. So cute.

62. An Easter bonnet can use a big sparkly castle.

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This one consists of glittering towers. While it’s surrounded by flowers and lights.

63. A dog might prefer a cone hat with peeps.

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Yes, this one is covered in candy. Not sure if the dog’s cool with wearing it though.

64. Got to add a little fuzz to the eggs.

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This one is shaped like a cone. As a chick sits in a nest on top.

65. Of course, you can always go with a hot crossed bun.

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This one seems pretty simple. Just do a paper mache hot crossed bun and you’re done.

66. Perhaps your Easter bonnet can use a few butterflies.

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The butterflies are rather delicate. Also has a vibrant colored bird on top.

67. Perhaps this snazzy Easter bonnet will suit your fancy.

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This one has some purple butterflies and fuzzy bunny ears. Like the purple bow. So pretty.

68. Hop aboard the Easter Express.

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This one has a train on the brim. While the rest of it consists of a garage.

69. A large purple Easter bonnet might suit you fine.

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You have a bunny on the right. While the rest of it is covered in eggs, pom pom chicks, and paper flowers.

70. You can’t go wrong with a large pillow.

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This one apparently has a large giant pink knit. Wonder how she doesn’t seem to fall due to the hat’s weight.

71. Bet you want to know what to do with old trophy figures.

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This kid put them on an Easter bonnet. They also add flowers for good measure.

72. Sometimes you got to pick a color and stick to it.

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Each of them wears a bucket hat with flowers. Love the purple one naturally.

73. Someone must’ve upset the eggs.

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Actually this is part of the hat. Yet, does make for a rather clever concept.

74. I’m sure anyone wants to sparkle in an Easter bonnet.

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This one is a glitter cone hat. Also contains flowers, leaves and jewels. So pretty.

75. You can stand out with a blue bunny.

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This hat seems to resemble a lily pad. The bunny’s on top. While the rest of it’s covered in flowers and leaves.

76. Chicks dig this pink castle.

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Well, pom pom chicks do. This is especially when they’re wearing golden glitter crowns.

77. Care for a hat of Easter eggs?

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his one has a bunny and shamrock garland as well. Perfect for any Easter parade.

78. There’s a giant fly on this red hat.

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Don’t worry it’s part of the design. Though it might freak you out if you’re scared of giant bugs.

79. No Easter bonnet can get too flashy.

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One of these consists of a large sequin Easter egg. Still, love the flowers.

80. Nothing makes a man look snazzier than an Easter bonnet.

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Here a man stands in an old timey photo wearing a hat decked with flowers. And really not giving a shit about what anyone thinks of him.

Easter Greetings from the Days of Yesteryear (Sixth Edition)

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Now it’s on to the vintage Easter greeting cards. After all, they have greeting cards for everything. Nonetheless, as we’re confined to our homes due to the Coronavirus scourge on the world, we should all do our best to ensure some sense of normalcy. Of course, I’ll do my part by showing you some crazy vintage Easter cards. Some of these defy explanation that you have to see to believe. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of weird vintage Easter cards from the olden days. Enjoy.

  1. Witches on Easter?
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Okay, this is a tradition from Scandinavia. Yet most Americans would think the designer got confused with Halloween.

2. Let the frogs open the gate for the beetles.

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Okay, I’m kind of confused at this. Besides, don’t frogs eat bugs like that. What the hell is going on here?

3. Celebrate Easter with a band of witches?

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Again, this is from Scandinavia. Yet, why they started a band with household implements and have cats on vocals is beyond me.

4. Nothing makes Easter worth celebrating like a beetle party.

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Here we have beetles dancing in the forest. And yes, the females even wear dresses. Seems to be from a bad acid trip.

5. Best wishes for a joyful Easter from a couple of parakeets.

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What the hell? Parakeets? Seriously, what do they have to do with Easter besides absolutely nothing.

6. Happy Easter from a chick on skis.

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This is from Russia. Apparently, it still snows there during the Easter season. Yet, the chick still carry flowers on an eggshell on its back.

7. In the future, women will fly in their Easter hats.

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Well, that hasn’t happened. But if you see what Easter bonnets look like, you get the idea.

8. Here we have a chick carrying flowers.

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And this little chick doesn’t seem to like the job. Since they’d have to use a yoke on their backs and carry the flowers in eggshells.

9. Beetle with flowers wishes you a joyful Easter.

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I don’t get what this beetle has to do with Easter. Because they sure don’t have anything to do with the holiday in America.

10. Even a modern witch needs to fly on Easter.

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I know the moon is confused as much as anyone. But take it from me, this is a tradition in Scandinavia.

11. How about a pretty witch handing out eggs from her basket?

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This one is from the US since it’s in the English language. Still, you have to wonder why she hasn’t yet gotten out of her river dance outfit. Saint Patrick’s Day’s probably over by then.

12. Happy Easter from the frog walking his beetle.

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This is messed up. Seriously, frogs probably eat beetles, not keep them as pets. Also uses a toadstool as an umbrella.

13. This Easter be happy to have beetles living in your flowers.

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Actually, having beetles in your bouquet will freak out everyone. Seriously, what the hell?

14. How about a beetle carrying a young girl in a basket?

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And she’s not to be messed with from her expression. Still, this seems more or less appropriate for a weird sci-fi or horror movie than an Easter card.

15. Happy Easter from an Alpine bunny.

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Yes, she seems like she’s straight out of The Sound of Music. Wonder how she plays the zither with her paws. Maybe I don’t want to know.

16. Happy Easter from the hardboiled egg family.

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Even their dog’s made out of eggs. Don’t ask me to explain why the designer thought this would make a good Easter card.

17. Heard of an egghead? She has an egg body.

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Okay, that’s just freaky. But at least her apron has pockets.

18. Out of this egg comes a whole bunch of chicks.

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That’s not how the amniotic egg works. Seriously, a bunch of chicks don’t hatch from a single egg. That’s contrary to chicken biology.

19. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Beetles.

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No, not the Beatles. I mean a band with beetles. But they seem good enough that a couple of beetles dance.

20. Easter greetings from a pipe smoking chick.

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His pipe is long enough so he could smoke from it on the window sill. As he admires the blue spring flowers.

21. Even chicks have their limits.

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2 guy chicks hit on a girl chick on the roller skating grounds. And she’s not having it. Wonder if she’s heard of Me Too. Probably not.

22. Let’s leave these beetles to themselves.

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I don’t get what beetles have to do with Easter. Yet, they’re sharing an intimate moment under an umbrella.

23. Happy Easter from Easter eggs playing cards.

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Seriously, what the hell is going on here? Guess the egg who loses the most money has to sit on a wall. Also, do the flowers have eyes? And are they actually watching them?

24. “Easter joy be yours.”

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This is basically the literal definition of “flower child.” And it’s really freaky. Seriously, why?

25. A Happy Easter from the pink flower children.

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Yes, this flower children thing wasn’t just confined to Alice in Wonderland. And yes, it makes you wonder if you’re on an acid trip.

26. Care to go places in an egg cart?

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And apparently, it’s pulled by a mother hen and her chicks. I’m sure you won’t go far in that.

27. “Sorry I’m late to the coven.”

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And it appears one of the witches brought something. While devils do a dance in the background. Seriously, how is this an Easter card?

28. Happy Easter from the frog family.

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Frogs don’t have families like that. Seriously, they lay their eggs in water, which hatch into tadpoles. Also, what do frogs have to do with Easter?

29. Happy Easter from the kid hatched from an egg.

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No, that’s not how people reproduce. And no, they don’t come out like they’re 3 years old.

30. Happy Easter from the flying chicken.

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Okay, this is from Scandinavia. And yes, the hen’s a bit insecure on how her chicks are holding onto the broomstick.

31. Happy Easter from the bunny riding a sheep.

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Bunny is frustrated over the lamb’s stubbornness. Lamb doesn’t want to visit the rickety old mill because they think it’s dangerous.

32. “So we’re the first ones to hatch?”

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You can see the weird look in that chick’s eye. As they wonder what the hell they’re doing in an Easter basket instead of a chicken coop.

33. Easter Greetings from a distinguished gentleman chick.

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Is this how chicks in Downton Abbey hatch. Do they come equipped with pince nezes, top hats and canes? Asking for a friend.

34. Nowadays Easter witches take to the road.

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You can see them go over the speed limit in Scandinavia. And yes, the cat’s freaking out. Also, the torches at the front pose a severe safety risk.

35. “All hail the steaming kettle.”

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Not sure what the kettle has to do with Easter. But I sure don’t want my broomstick near it.

36. Today, modern witches travel the skies in planes.

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You can see the plane’s basically egg-shaped so the witch can put her feet up. While the cat secretly prays for a safe landing.

37. A witch always needs to look her best for Easter.

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Yet, the cats appear to jump off the broomstick. Because they don’t want to be near it when she’s handling it.

38. This Easter, the witches ride on their familiars.

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One rides on a giant cat she probably enchanted. The other dresses in style and goes on a big horn sheep.

39. “Hey, don’t touch my broomstick!”

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Yeah, Easter witches don’t take that kind of shit. Guess someone’s going be toad.

40. Didn’t know witches flew by day.

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In Harry Potter they do. Yet, these kids are baffled by the daytime spectacle. Also, why is the moon out during daylight hours?

41. Just a little break for tea.

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Sure she’s not drinking alcohol. Nonetheless, it’s a case of distracted driving that you don’t wonder why the cat’s clinging to dear life.

42. Watch out for that church steeple.

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Yeah, when you’re flying at a high altitude, you probably run into a lot of tall structures. Wonder what she does to get any help.

43. This hen carries her Easter eggs in her apron.

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This looks like an accident waiting to happen. Just wait when she’s tripped and all the eggs come crashing down.

44. Happy Easter from the daffodil children.

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Am I the only one to think this as freaky? Seriously, why?

45. “We Easter witches must stick together.”

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Uh, can’t they just fly up the mountain? Seriously, they have brooms for that. Or did their brooms run out of magic power?

46. Happy Easter from the egg with a man’s face.

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Okay, this is really freaky. Since when do eggs have mustaches, faces, and pince-nezes? Even the gnomes are stupefied.

47. Apparently, 2 girls can fit inside an egg.

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Wonder how this is possible. Oh, yes, the egg’s just gigantic. Still, it boggles my mind.

48. “Now you all be good when I’m out. Okay?”

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Not sure about the dynamic. Since chicks are baby chickens. Also, the egg home has a chimney and ladder.

49. Easter witches even fly on a rainy day.

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Since she’s got her umbrella with her. Yet, the cat’s still uneasy on the broomstick.

50. How about a joy ride over the chicken coop?

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The old man’s kind of like, “What the hell’s going on?” But the witch on her broomstick doesn’t give a damn.

The Wonderful World of Peep Shows (No, Not That Kind) (Seventh Edition)

As the Coronavirus ravages the world and leads to mass cancellations of aspects related to our social lives, we must try our best to get by. In fact, just the other day at Target I saw Saint Patrick’s Day decorations on discount and it’s not even Saint Patrick’s Day. Also, there was practically no toilet paper, hand sanitizer, or rubbing alcohol. Anyway, given that I do these posts at home on my laptop, I don’t have any excuse to slack off on my Easter posts. So it’s perfect for my favorite kind of Easter post, peep dioramas. In these, people take these inedible sugar coated marshmallow candies and put them into little scenes to amuse us. And yes, they contests for it every Easter, too. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasury of peep dioramas. Enjoy.

  1. Every year, peepguins march to breed in Antarctica.
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This is from a hit documentary from March of the Peepguins. Narrated by Morgan Peepman.

2. “Can you tell me how to get?/How to get to Sesame Peep?”

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Features Big Bird and Oscar made out of peeps. Rest in peace, Carol Spiney.

3. People of Wisconsin love their Green Bay Peepers.

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Okay, they love their Packers. But you have to love this diorama featuring them against the Minnesota Vikings.

4. “I know you/I learned of you once upon a peep.”

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This is from Sleeping Beauty. And yes, even the bed is made out of peeps.

5. “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit.”

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This is a peep parody of the O.J. Simpson trial. And despite his acquittal, he totally did it.

6. Here the bunny goes up for the dive.

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Funny how the diver’s wearing a duck inner tube and has googly eyes. Yeah, I don’t think they knew what they signed up for.

7. How about the night with the Peepharmonic?

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You can see how each of them has paper instruments. Love the snazzy bowties on the bunnies.

8. Someone’s been voted off the island.

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This is a peep parody of Survivor. And yes, they’re all bunnies here. Seems better than the real thing.

9. Bravo’s latest show is The Real Peepwives of Dupont Circle.

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They’re making fun of The Real Housewives who are actually socialites. Still, this is very amusing. Love how that one bunny’s sporting a pearl necklace.

10. “One peep more. One more peep…”

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Yes, this is another Les Miserables peep diorama. But this one is purely epic in scale.

11. All peeps must come in pairs.

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This is a peep diorama of Noah’s Ark. Better get in before the flood destroys everything.

12. These peeps go under the sea.

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Here you see some bunnies in scuba gear. Hope a shark doesn’t get them.

13. Even peeps must bare it all once in awhile.

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This is an art class. Hope the chick doesn’t feel uncomfortable among bunnies.

14. “I bring you the iPeep 2.”

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This is an Apple peep parody. You can see Steve Jobs on stage.

15. You don’t want to see what’s at this peep show.

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Of course, this is what peep shows mostly mean (save for the chick in a scanty bikini). Still, this is pretty hilarious.\

16. Looks like there’s a human contest going on.

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Okay, this is kind of freaky. Still, love the headline display. So funny.

17. Someone’s finished the Iditarod Sled Peep Race.

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Love how the yellow bunnies are harnessed to the sled. Wonder if they won.

18. Wonder what’s going on in this yard.

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Think this might be based on a famous photograph. Nonetheless, the neighbors will certainly talk about the brightly colored toilets laying about in the front lawn.

19. Left sharks steals the spotlight.

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Yes, Katie Perry’s Super Bowl halftime show is truly bizarre. Yet, everyone appeared to love Left Shark for some reason.

20. Here’s a look at James Peep through the decades.

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It’s James Bond with Peeps. Here’s all the bunnies who played him. Hate to be Daniel Craig.

21. “No more wire hangers!”

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This is a peep parody of Mommie Dearest. It portrays Joan Crawford as an abusive mother.

22. “I am the Peepax, I speak for the peeps.”

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Yes, I’ve done The Lorax before. But this one features more fuzzy Truffula trees.

23. American Gothpeep captures the American spirit.

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Yes, I put a similar one on a post in years past. But this is quite amusing. Love it.

24. Chinatown celebrates Chinese New Year.

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As the chicks parade with their own Chinese dragon. And yes, it’s sensational. From 2012.

25. Just another day at the beauty shop.

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You can see how the bunnies sport elaborate hairdos. Even has a shampoo section.

26. “Robin, to the peepmobile!”

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And yes, Batman and Robin are chicks. Still, you have to love their outfits and the peep signal.

27. Katpeep appears alone in the Hunger Peeps.

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Here she runs into Peepta. Yeah, you didn’t see him coming.

28. Joseph has a rather fancy coat.

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This is from Joseph and His Technicolor Dream Coat. Might depict one of his dreams that he tells his jealous brothers.

29. “Did you hear anything in the woods?”

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Even the trees and bushes have eyes in this camp fire scene. More hilarious than eerie. Since this is a peep diorama we’re talking about.

30. These peeps take great pains to erect the Moai of Peepster Island.

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Are those bunnies zombies? Nonetheless, you have to love the Moai bunny statues. So clever.

31. It all ends at Appotpeepdox.

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It’s a peep takeoff of Appomattox courthouse. Here we see Robert E. Lee surrender to General Ulysses S. Grant.

32. Abupeep is a horrid place.

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This is based on a prison called Abu Gharib that was best known for abusing and torturing prisoners in Iraq. Or was it Afghanistan? I’m not sure which. But you have to admire the simplicity.

33. Want to know where the wild peeps are?

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This one mostly conforms to the illustrations in the Maurice Sendak book. And no, I didn’t see the movie.

34. Want to see a dissection?

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Another take off of The Anatomy Lesson. And no, the bunny didn’t donate their body to science.

35. How about a day at the planetarium?

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This one has chicks and bunnies looking up at the constellations. In Pittsburgh, you basically have the IMAX to accomplish that.

36. Rest in peace, Pinkie Sugar.

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This is a funeral home scene. And here the dead bunny’s widow weeps behind a veil.

37. “If you build it, they will come.”

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This is a parody of Field of Dreams. And yes, those bunny baseball players are ghosts.

38. Oh, no, the economy’s crashing!

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This must’ve parodied the 2008 financial meltdown. And with this coronavirus, we might be headed to another recession.

39. Halloween is always a spectacular time.

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You can see plenty of bunnies and chicks in their costumes. While ghosts fly over the houses.

40. We couldn’t accomplish space flight without our hidden peeps.

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This is a takeoff of Hidden Figures. Thankfully, they’ve received plenty of recognition since then.

41. Hippeeps always want to return to nature.

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Well, they surely got that Colorado Rocky Mountain High. And they’re sitting around the camp fire. Like in that John Denver song.

42. Want to take to the slopes?

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Okay, it’s quite late for that. Yet, you have to love the little bird house cabins.

43. Anyone want to deal?

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It’s parodying the famous Dogs Playing Poker painting. Not an artistic masterpiece compared to Michelangelo. But amusing.

44. Who knew that peeps could sail?

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Here they are manning a sail boat. All bunnies wear orange life jackets.

45. Quint’s having a very bad day.

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Yes, that’s the scene where the shark eats him. Well, he was kind of an asshole anyway.

46. Must be something going on at Dunder Mifflin.

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This is from a famous Office episode. You can see Dwight on the boxes. Funny.

47. “Tale as old as time/Song as old as rhyme/Beauty and the Peep.”

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Both bunnies are dressed in felt. Love the scenery, which is from the original movie.

48. Talk about a divided America.

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One side has MAGAts at an event that will live in infamy. The other side has those from the Women’s March. And you can see, the Women’s March had way more people attending than the Trump inauguration.

49. Congratulations to the Peep class of 2009.

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These are peeps graduating high school. And boy, will they have to deal with problems you wouldn’t believe.

50. “It was the beauty that killed the beast.”

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This is straight from King Kong. Just as planes are about to kill him.