The Spooky World of Halloween Pumpkin Dioramas (Fourth Edition)

untitled.png

One of my more popular Halloween posts revolves around pumpkin dioramas. In fact, every year when Halloween comes around, I usually get high stats with these decorations. These usually consist of a pumpkin with a haunted scene inside. Though the pumpkin in question usually comes from a craft store. Since real pumpkins have a lot of craft inside and usually decay in November. Yet, many of these scenes usually consist of haunted houses and grave yards. However, some can be quite creative, too. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of Halloween pumpkin dioramas.

  1. Please, come into this pumpkin house.
1e52071883664c339373d5120786e1fe

This one includes a doorway, windows, and chimney. And it even lights up as if a witch lives there.

2. Best to keep away from this witch’s cauldron.

6d8b135a5b12467ec0157e5048c279b2--halloween-diorama-halloween-displays

Wonder what potions she must be brewing. Though seeing her on her broom, she might be out shopping.

3. Someone’s hand must be rising from the grave.

6f4f9da4096e91d98bea208933388a45

This one uses the pumpkin parts so they won’t go to waste. Still, looks quite terrifying.

4. Death comes to the old haunted cemetery.

9abb7d8fcd0c0e13ee7d814db11c438d

Seems like this one was created with odds and ends. Not sure what to think about the overhead light.

5. Hope these kids have fun trick or treating.

9fe75a05272c6af0c890ca81813644c6

Seems like we got a ghost, scarecrow, and vampire. The jack-o-lanterns also seem quite expressive.

6. Looks like someone’s trapped in the Upside Down.

20f867ac2898a7ac5bd036cff39690cb_stranger-things-fans-go-upside-down-for-halloween-as-season-2-the-upside-down-clipart-strange

Indeed, you’d find a few pumpkin dioramas relating to Stranger Things. Not sure when the next season will premiere.

7. Apparently, you’ll find these ghosts behind bars.

60caace436734a26cc0ac37239622f8f

Though they can leave at any time since they’re ghosts. Still, they look more cute than scary.

8. Cinderella emerges out of her lavish pumpkin carriage.

60cd1efcc2ef9006c8c7e21070c600ca

This one is decked in jewels with a princess crown on top. And I guess the small pumpkins are supposed to be wheels.

9. It’s a starry night at the cemetery tonight.

92cf5cac1f7a7c755ea43b59bf09e27a

Doesn’t seem to be much her other than a skull and a jack-o’-lantern. But I love how it lights up inside.

10. Hope you stay out too late in this graveyard.

diy-pumpkin

Seems like the haunted house is made out of paper. Still, you have to like the skeleton on top wishing a Happy Halloween.

11. Care to hear a song from a skeleton band?

910Mhd-BumL._SY500_

Well, this isn’t the first Day of the Dead band pumpkin diorama. However, it seems situated on Hoskull feet for some reason.

12. You can never use too much bling for a pumpkin coach.

3782e92a15c5fa4bd40f1863c3b2ff3a

This one has a couple of windows and gold encrusted pumpkin wheels. Not sure if having candles on the top is wise.

13. Be wary of the gold skull inside.

42063a2481b48ed1f1ff3110a4afaf09-645x645

And it’s inside a black pumpkin covered with cobwebs and large plastic spiders. Best you keep away.

14. Looks like ghosts are coming from that haunted house.

40519824_276001526347057_3296158201459893636_n

There’s even some green light coming from inside. Hope that black cat isn’t freaked out.

15. Care to spend some time in the pumpkin patch?

41087687_1338126732990978_5611020244148551680_n

Seems like there’s a pumpkin patch inside the pumpkin. But no one to sell pumpkins on the stand.

16. Sometimes you got to add some teeth to increase the scares.

54432488c178a.image

For some reason, the pumpkin itself is more terrifying than what’s inside it. Hope those monsters don’t stay in the grave yard too long.

17. Even till death do they part doesn’t do justice for their love.

191245216360lg

Well, they’re a skeleton bride and groom. Yet, they have tied the knot in front of all their friends.

18. Want to guess what this witch is brewing?

a92cbc88f7f6df635a01ff501bb38fdc

I don’t know. But these ghost trick-or-treaters behind the seem quite interested.

19. Open the door and you’ll find a whole new world inside.

be24ee592be2b20df96f7e61c03a861c

The door has a window for you to peak in. Nonetheless, it’s quite bright inside.

20. It always looks pretty outside near the fire.

c7ed0bff33dad8e9060905bc24853e65

Only has pumpkins beside the lawn chair. Yet, the sky is filled with stars.

21. Best you don’t look at the monster down below.

CHdDvxN

Here’s another pumpkin diorama from Stranger Things. And it seems the demagorgon is inside.

22. You don’t want to cross these 3 ghosts.

d981b0e7801b33605ad5d6c6d08c1c33

This one uses old photos for the ghosts. Still, it’s quite creative.

23. It’s not scary unless it’s infested with cobwebs.

Day-of-the-Dead-Pumpkin-Diorama-FeaturedImage

There are plenty of skeletons inside. Some are even in fancy suits.

24. Perhaps you might want to see an elaborate skull inside.

Dia_De_Los_Muertos_Diorama2.1505939287

Don’t forget to put flowers inside, too. Love the jewel decorations around the opening.

25. Beware of the grim dog in the cemetery on Halloween night.

DIY-Spooky-Dog-Pumpkin-Diorama-1024x685

Well, the dog is just made out of black construction paper. Also has skull lights for some reason.

26. Don’t forget to decorate with 3 jack-o’-lanterns on the table.

e326724495be04ab1b3347ae0a87984c

Seems like someone’s preparing for a Halloween party. Wonder what the black cat is thinking.

27. Perhaps you’d like to see a scarecrow inside.

fall252520projects252520023-001_thumb25255B225255D

Seems more like a fall pumpkin diorama than a Halloween one. So cute.

28. You’d better keep out this haunted house.

fall season diorama Awesome lighted pumpkin diorama

You can see a figure on a bench. Haunted house must be made out of paper though.

29. Seems like a mummy has risen in this cemetery.

faux pumpkin diorama Fabulous How To Make a Spooky Halloween Pumpkin Diorama

Despite that mummies like that mostly come from ancient Egypt. But I can understand the grave yard setting.

30. The witch always goes into the woods to brew her potions.

fb37ac4c-87d1-48a7-a5a2-558fde3b8881

The inside mostly consists of paper crafts. Yet, the purple eeriness is pitch perfect.

31. Want to come in to this pumpkin house?

Haunted-House-Skeleton-Pumpkin-Made-With-a-Foam-Pumpkin-645x809

Seems inhabited by skeletons. As one gets out of their coffin.

32. Didn’t really remember Hoth being an orange planet.

Hoth-in-a-pumpkin

Okay, this is a takeoff of Luke Skywalker squaring against the Wampa from The Empire Strikes Back. Nonetheless, this is pretty clever.

33. Perhaps you’d like to sit on a bench in the woods.

il_340x270.1595378328_lrll

You’ll find all kinds of plants inside. The bench has a pumpkin though. Love how it lights up.

34. Don’t like Halloween? This Thanksgiving diorama might suit you.

il_570xN.652797748_reln

After all, both holidays use pumpkins. Though Thanksgiving has a rather shady legacy in regards with the plight of Native Americans.

35. When the sun goes away, the ghosts come to play.

il_570xN.992456869_tap2

There are even skeletons coming out of the graves. Best to watch your back.

36. All a witch needs is her little hut outside of town.

il_570xN.1051821470_cinp

Even her own house has a hat on. Comes with a witchy owl.

37. Nobody could resist a raccoon inside a pumpkin.

il_570xN.1064047802_bun4

Again, this is more of a fall pumpkin diorama. But the raccoon is so cute I couldn’t resist.

38. These scarecrows can always lend a hand.

il_570xN.1333831193_lchi

Seems more like a harvest diorama with scarecrows. So adorable.

39. Perhaps you might want to spend your fall days in a field.

il_570xN.1333835593_oyfl

He’s on a bench with a squirrel and a scarecrow. As the leaves deck the straw.

40. Would you like to go for a swing?

il_570xN.1333837235_tqh3

Yet, another fall pumpkin diorama. While the scarecrow has a smile on its face.

41. Nothing makes a fall night like seeing a scarecrow in the patch.

il_570xN.1352785013_c8dv

Turns out it’s a scarecrow in a pumpkin patch with a black cat. And yes, it’s adorable.

42. Wonder what’s gotten into this witch.

il_570xN.1586507012_lthj

Since her feet are sticking out. Oh, wait, someone must’ve poured water on her.

43. Nobody can resist the pumpkins in this patch.

il_570xN.1586552224_j3at

They all seem to have rather unique faces. Also like the scarecrow.

44. Guess this witch better get on her broomstick and go.

il_570xN.1633926271_oy1m

The witch is depicted within the full moon. Though she didn’t leave much behind.

45. You better try to avoid this haunted castle.

il_570xN.1633985319_euun

Well, the castle is on a hill far in the background. Comes with a ghost and pumpkin tree guy.

46. There’s nothing touching like 2 skeletons embracing in the cemetery.

il_570xN.1663165295_nxac

The pumpkin seems to be of an odd shape. Yet, you have to love the touching reunion here.

47. It’s a scary sight inside this jack-o’-lantern.

il_570xN.1667384651_1m8k

Inside, a skeleton contemplates upon meeting old friends. While it sits under a tree with a spiderweb.

48. The ghosts always love a graveyard smash.

il_570xN.1680348813_5x2a

They frolic among the tombstones and the bare trees. Doesn’t hurt to have a few pumpkins, too.

49. You’d be pressed to find a cobweb infested forest.

il_570xN.1684431023_p2vz

Though you’d find some pumpkins on the ground. While the purple light gives a scary glow.

50. Perhaps you’d like to enter this haunted house if you dare.

il_570xN.1685540351_qehb

This one emits green, yellow, and blue light from the inside. While the haunted house looks really decrepit that you’d think it’s been abandoned for years.

 

Advertisements

The Creepy, Crawly World of Scary Halloween Craft Projects (Fourth Edition)

6f033f12976cbd5bd80e774d97aa1857

During the Halloween season, party stores can always make a killing selling costumes and decorations. After all, you can find all kinds of décor at any store this time of year with a spooky edge. You’ll find cobwebs, skeletons, pumpkins, bats, and other décor galore. However, there are plenty of people who love Halloween so much that they’d rather make their own. They may use old clothes to make a scarecrow. They might buy supplies from a party or craft store and add their own personal touch. Over the years, I’ve shown you various Halloween crafts many could make to enrich their home and I do the same for this year. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of spooky Halloween craft projects. Enjoy if you dare.

  1. Perhaps you might want some witch to greet you.
0bc0ecd74da1be5a131ad164b1362d25

This is a wooden witch with a crescent moon and a frog in her hair. Love her pigtails.

2. Greet your guests with this spider infested wreath.

0e84fa335dca4b519c28d36df1d711ab

Is mostly black with sparkly orange spiders on them. Guaranteed to freak out the arachnaphobes in your life.

3. Any little witch would enjoy this jack-o’-lantern dress.

0ecbf4511631d93272d8446060851d29

You can even make 2 for sisters to match. And yes, they’re adorable.

4. There are no bones about this skeleton chandelier.

0ef26af45e0f1f803209deb60eb6cfc9

Might want to go to a Halloween store to get some of the supplies. But you have to love how it’s covered in cobwebs and spiders.

5. Curl up on your couch this Halloween with these black cat pillows.

2e579943fd830fba30c58e3e2a09aa53

These are just black pillows with cat features. Includes whiskers, eyes, and nose.

6. You know a witch lives here seeing this cauldron.

3a531d1a79153c4dde3004efa9c06644

You’ll find broomsticks, jars, and a raven inside. There’s even a sign reading, “Witches Way.”

7. No one could resist these Spooktacular monsters.

3b6762df7d259e09aa30d623c292fab0

Includes a block jack-o’-lantern, mummy, ghost, and Frankenstein monster. More adorable than scary though.

8. Bring in the Halloween spirit with these wooden jack-o’-lanterns.

4affcca1b52435e197312c6d286fe325

Each of these has their own decorative hats. But unlike real jack-o’-lanterns, you can keep them for years.

9. Care to enjoy a mummy bowling game?

4e218828a5db867303b2df01d75d4080

This is more of a kid’s game for a Halloween party. Yet, they’re nevertheless quite cute with wraps and googly eyes.

10. If you’re afraid of spiders, you might want to avoid a wreath like this.

4ee83557d6d0f368f5a79aeb81422245

Yes, it’s another spider wreath. But this one has way more spiders and cobwebs.

11. You’d be pressed not to avoid wondering what’s in this witch’s brew.

4f555638fd6e996c513c4e540590c1da

This is more of a lawn display. Yet, I uses a lot of compelling special effects.

12. Grace your ghastly table with this skull bouquet.

05c856f29c32fafcf1ba86e8ebc450e4

Contains all the fall flowers and foliage your heart desires. Though most of them can easily be found on grave stones since they’re fake.

13. Deck your Halloween home with this spooky tree.

5f34db525deecabf298dceb2db3799ba

Unlike Christmas trees, these Halloween trees can look as scrawny as you want it to. Since we’re going for spooky here.

14. Wonder what’s cooking in this witch’s cauldron.

6f58429026b22e3167a574cedc26bdce

Seeing how the potion’s brewing a purple glow, you wouldn’t want to try. Still, love the visual effects.

15. Feel free to take some candy from this pumpkin.

7d0ccdfd263a7657a385ea1a50b3061e

Just take a candy bar from the mouth. Kind of a handy way to serve trick-or-treaters.

16. Hope you enjoy these eerie plates.

7eff5c8d9debc6e482ebb1f342fcc2bd

Though these are mainly for scary display only. One depicts a skull and bones. The other a monstrous jack-o’-lantern.

17. Perhaps you don’t want to be scared of this haunted house.

8e09cbdc90f532a981fb111d9df92208

This is mostly a kid’s dollhouse spray painted black. Then decked with Halloween décor for a more spooky impact.

18. Nothing brings scary fun like a ghost in a jar.

9b9b19e51377642251f93d4d24ef80dc

Well, that’s a clever idea. But you don’t want to know what happens when these ghosts get out of the jars.

19. Greet your guests with a whole arch of jack-o’-lanterns.

9d99033d1788e6bd4abfefa08f23675f

Obviously, these are mostly fake pumpkins from craft stores. But each one has a unique expression.

20. This wreath at your front door will drive guests batty.

10aa87feb29379aa0454cc8fab33c23c

Just consists of a ring with some bats, striped string, and ribbons. Doesn’t seem hard to make at all.

21. Impress your ghastly guests with this festive Halloween wreath.

10f5201ad27d543c779901a5e85016fc

Includes a smiling skull with hat and legs. But I love the bow and other decorations.

22. Perhaps your trick-or-treaters would love this candy corn panel.

24a3646f5ba7eb31502c2b9a165dbaad

Though I have to admit that candy corn is utterly disgusting. Yet, this panel is quite charming.

23. Show your scary side with this skull glass block.

29cf7268b7d1115356d2340c1c9f95da

The skull and bones are mostly painted. And it’s tied with a black bow.

24. Light up your haunted house with these black candles.

37fe792085250725bedb6a9f7277e7f7

Most of these are made out of paper towel rolls and fake candles. Nonetheless, they create an eerie feel in the dark.

25. These pumpkin jars make handy candle holders.

54eb52f75015c_-_crafts-owl-jack-o-lantern-candlesticks-1014-xln

Yet, each has an orange touch and a funny face. Perfect for any Halloween home.

26. You’ll find a raven on this encased pumpkin.

54eb52fa4ade9_-_clx-1011-well-clanecrows-06-x2tiqi-lgn

Well, it’s quite ingenious if you ask me. But the raven calls from a branch.

27. You can light up your haunted home with these lantern pumpkins.

54eb53020aa10_-_pumpkinideas-pumpklanterns-lgn

Each of these has a lantern painted on them. And each is cut to let the light shine through.

28. These pumpkin lights can illuminate any tree.

61c6ea83f36afd360cf81e110fc9b34f

Each of these pumpkins is a small origami box. But each has a face making you smile.

29. Perhaps you might find a crow or bat in these jars.

65ab312a2dca7f3da71f2db5c5bbdb93

Of course, you won’t find anyone in them. Yet, the illustration is spot on.

30. Wonder what’s burning in these baskets.

73b6acf6c65a0c8501a270a5924c963a

Actually, they’re supposed to be cauldrons. While the fire mostly consist of string lights and cloth.

31. On Halloween, it’s best you creep it real.

97a6bbb6b09091d56c87e39f8c5a15eb

Mostly consists of a welcome mat painted in green and black. Love the slime flowing from the top.

32. Light up your haunted home with this spider lamp.

100de9e87d5724b0e2a2e016d94f94bf

Well, this lamp has spiders dangling from the wire shade. But the candle is fake.

33. Know the time of day with this monster clock.

248b212d241680cfa5a8afcd6950f142

As you can see, it’s quite large. But it comes iwth a jaw frame and a tail pendulum.

34. A painted bottle like this might make you wonder what’s inside.

370f0e5ab7856400bb620649d4614412

This depicts a night sky with a full moon and bare tree. Love it though.

35. Apparently, someone must be trapped within this mirror.

406c045006e92b4b5e7f6ce40f80291c

Actually this is more of a portrait painting with trapped hands. Love how it goes with the snake candle holders.

36. There must be a bat infestation in these sticks.

469fc4b30803d67ab1041d1d2c6511eb

This seems a rather simple decoration. As long as you can cut up bats that small.

37. For a more fancy Halloween party, this black tulle wreath is for you.

diy-tulle-halloween-wreath-top-cheap-party-design-easy-kid-craft-decor-project

Has a black raven with orange, black, and purple flowers. Love this.

38. A wreath like this can really shake you to your bones.

562ecb9f3e490873f752befff9a365a5

Since it’s mostly a skeleton wreath. Contains a lot of skulls and spiders.

39. Apparently, this ghost really shines in the dark.

591d0e82be797eb3b1e5280272700201

It’s mostly a sheet draped over a frame of lights. But yes, it’s quite effective if you ask me.

40. You can always fill a jack-o’-lantern with flowers.

700fd77e56a0010deb5b2abe3261f9f8

Well, they mostly consist of orange fall flowers. But the jack-o’-lantern doesn’t seem to mind.

41. Perhaps this purple raven wreath will suit you nicely.

755f1a627a6fd7080ae20b99f8147407

Includes purple flowers and gold leaves. Still, you have to admire its beauty.

42. On this wreath, it’s crawling with snakes.

Original-Jen-Perkins_Medusa-Halloween-Wreath_h.jpg.rend.hgtvcom.966.725

This one mainly has green snakes on the inside. Guaranteed to freak out Indiana Jones. Also contains a Medusa face.

43. This raven will light up your haunted one.

775c7ce5d04c4cee83da08c6d93b0a6f

It sits on a bony hand and contains a candle inside a jar. Great for any Halloween home.

44. Need any scares? Fright this way.

980fa86841e95ef3c0921aab3f8ee03e

This panel has a bony hand pointing in a general direction. Still, it’s quite clever.

45. Greet any guest to your haunted hideaway with this shiny wreath.

3342eaad003ff468942ce7baff7489bb

It’s mostly black with a spiderweb and skulls. Love the flowers, too.

46. You’d be scared to see these black candles.

3772cea04378504d448afd95c331522f

These candles seem to light from the inside as well. And they’ve been melted for quite some time.

47. Perhaps a jack-o’-lantern among the fall scenery will suit your fancy.

4848dad980c5c7b020c7498f62638d6a

This one is in a flower pot and inside a tall lantern. Love the sunflowers though.

48. You can hold anything with a skeleton hand.

5883f34aa8b32f94350c1f4309984de0

One holds some dead flowers. The other holds a small white pumpkin.

49. You’ll find the candles infested with spiders and cobwebs.

6118f9558b8444633992decfae9f45ff

Okay, the spiders are plastic and the cobwebs are fake. Still, guaranteed to scare your guests.

50. Perhaps a candy corn wreath will strike your fancy.

6773bf4155c9667411d8330abedd1e76

Since decoration is the only thing candy corn seems to be good for. Like the black flowers though.

51. Open this paint stick coffin if you dare.

36362a662b958bd8a9c10ce437b5580f

Yes, it’s a coffin made with paint sticks that’s painted black with a skull and cross bones. Yet, you probably don’t want to know what’s inside.

52. These are just skeletons enjoying an afternoon at the park.

121748e800fcc805d46e6a47462c5d61

Each of them dons a top hat, cane, and tie. And yes, they’re perfect gentlemen.

53. A lantern with a witchy decoration might suit your fancy.

330896c38595dc2ecea8de297427af17

Has a witch’s hat with pumpkins. Love the ribbons.

54. Nothing beats a bonfire like skulls in the fire pit.

451092cb683ae34e894e94c1e699f80c

Wonder what these skulls are made of. Though I hope they’re fire resistant.

55. These flowers were planted in rather bloody pots.

1979467cc1396e38cbd0c0e20fd50204

Okay, they’re painted to drip blood. Yet, even with flowers, they’re quite gruesome if you ask me.

56. Impress your guests with this wreath of black flowers.

3790247e20a02a09c2bad7a0c7e200d2

Well, the black roses are definitely fake. While the wreath is touched with a black bow of tulle.

57. I don’t think you want to go into the water.

17014569b93f9e3a38daebbbe777cace

Okay, these are fake hands reaching out from a puddle. Guaranteed to make you scream.

58. Curl up on your couch with this pillow of crows.

1816076836c888b4cac30fa5033264ea

Consists of 3 crows perched in front of the full moon. Perfect for a Halloween couch.

59. A striped wreath is always haunted fun.

9397390929e925b4f1bb69758e9221e8

Consists of felt orange, black, and white flowers. While it’s held up by a black ribbon.

60. These wooden black cats come 3 in a row.

a07c529e227860f1caddb94fa0639ab8

Wonder if they’re made from fence posts. Yet, each is touched with straw bows and googly eyes.

61. You’ll find plenty of bats in this case.

a59bf63891edd0d74de436d72458112b

Even lights up at the branches. Also, includes a shiny pumpkin.

62. Sometimes a simple spider wreath will do.

aaa58ebd6830cf56f89308a28b07acf8

Even includes a few felt flowers in fall colors. Yet, the spiders are covered in silver glitter.

63. Don’t forget to touch up your bottle bouquet with flowers.

adac7e3c2addf80aea0d53b91939d23c

Each of these has a black or purple rose on top. While they’re all tied with a black lace ribbon.

64. For a more ornate Halloween, you might want to try some black lace candle holders.

adfd12b1d3bb4500a42b470bd482eb1b

Well, the black lace covers the glass. And it seems all of these use the same pattern.

65. What’s that black curtain near the arch way?

b1e49d25e78f9f5d2c095f434753daba

Think it’s supposed to be a haunted house fixture. Not sure what it’s made of though.

66. Nothing scares your guests more than this orange witch’s hat.

b5b283b5433894a333a9dfa53109bea3

You can even see it at night. Also has skulls on the flowers and dangling from the brim.

67. Don’t like wreaths? Use a Frankenstein Monster hanging.

b7943680a77fc4b4e3e21e21d3c5102d

Seems like a rather friendly monster. Even has a bow in its hair.

68. You might not want to see this skeleton in the sky.

be858d7613b2e333fca179c47f930ff7

Yet, he has his own skull pumpkin hot air balloon. And he seems quite proud of it.

69. When you come in, leave your witch stuff at the door.

bf372c4535d5b338263e6f2473ddfe79

Indeed, it seems like some witches live here after all. Though it’s hard to say how many.

70. With black candles, it always helps to have a black candelabra.

c9e32ba00c98b3100a18e1d13cd7bd4c

They even come in 3 varieties. Just name how many. Love these.

71. Nobody could resist a couple of pumpkin candles.

c77ef3a8a54e6fea59a7f7ce9325f0f0

They’re made out of wood with fake flames. And they’re decorated with a small wreath.

72. Perhaps you might want some outdoor candles as well.

c700482e3e8eea22da6abf8be4c85576

Well, this is more of a column with a cracked top. But the candles are melted and held above by a skeleton.

73. Apparently, a witch has fallen into her own cauldron.

ce2b7664fcd9d74623df43dcc936a9a5

You can even see her legs sticking out. Though the brew is made out of green fluff.

74. There’s nothing cuter than some monstrous amigurumi.

crocheted-halloween-amigurumi-2

Includes Frankenstein monster, ghost, vampire, black cat, and girl in black. And yes, they’re so eerily adorable.

75. Got old wine bottles? Paint some haunted images on them.

d1cdaec1dbfcc938d26ca42cd593f755

Contains a spider on one and a skull and bones on another. The middle one just has black and white stripes.

76. Care for a crow on a perch?

d6ba72bc5751c1f6c4776f2d502983e7

Okay, the bird isn’t real. But it sure as hell looks intimidating and badass.

77. You might want to run from these hanging ghosts.

d9f00df80e1b8c544e342da336377fe9

They basically consist of 3 heads under a transparent sheet. So you best get the materials from a craft store.

78. Greet your haunted guests for your party with this festive Halloween wreath.

d054e28c2bb14628c4d1d702418a0c1f

It’s a grapevine wreath with black, orange and purple baubles. And it’s tied with an orange and zigzag bow.

79. Grace your Halloween home with this haunted pallet.

d96c978a964564fdd218e5844f729db4

Depicts a witch on a broom flying among a full moon. Great for any Halloween home.

80. Apparently, the trees have eyes.

d165dab2ac9ce243542db061a5ac97e2

Just stick a pair of large ides inside a billowing tree. It’s as simple as that.

81. Looks like we have a couple witches brewing something.

d269505eab8b0f86867d8bf5815f1855

It’s more of a silhouette as you can see. But it comes with a lantern.

82. Make a monstrous impression with this tulle monster wreath.

de953a0145eaa1fbb2b74342e07f4d63

Comes with gnashing teeth and a plaid red bowtie. Still, you can’t help but love it.

83. A Halloween decomesh wreath is always festive.

Deco-Mesh-Halloween-Wreath

This one has green ribbon, purple flowers, and orange berries. Great for any Halloween party.

84. Beware the owl with the red eyes.

e5c78c60c735db5ce73ca6cb69db8857

It’s a an owl painted black with red eyes. Some may find it quite terrifying.

85. Best you be careful around these black cats.

e78ebef775bce86b842e7b47138310a4

Or black pumpkin cats to be more specific. Their eyes even glow.

86. This pumpkin clock will always tell you the time.

f1aa1a0884c863df5a264faea6f44d8c

And it seems to give a rather eerie smile. Wonder if it was made by a real pumpkin.

87. Want some dead rats in a jar?

f5e7b13c601df5697b23499177590ee9

Okay, these are really disgusting. Seriously, rats in formaldehyde jars? Ugh…

88. Even a witch shoe has to shine.

f7f02544dffc0b9d9763acf508e05f23

This one has stones on the heel and a spider web inside. So even witches have to stay in fashion.

89. You’ll find a wreath like this at a witch’s house.

f644720c38cecbd25103ef65fcfdb2b0

Says “Come Sit a Spell.” Comes with a broomstick and striped orange ribbon.

90. Feel free to get some candy from this Frankenstein monster basket.

fcf41eccb99dbc870528f6edc26e7bde

This one is made from a wooden basket with a Frankenstein monster face. Nonetheless, it’s adorable.

91. Perhaps a simple yarn wreath is all you need.

Felt-Halloween-Wreath

This one just has a felt bat and moon. Not scary but quite impressive.

92. Nobody can resist the spells of these amigurumi witches.

graphics2

Each of these has a unique hair color and style. But they’ll nevertheless enchant you with cuteness.

93. Would you want to curl up with this monkey?

halloween_monkey_amigurumi_by_cuteamigurumi-d4c1ixz

Okay, it may have its face busted. But you have to love the jack-o’-lantern on its chest.

94. A black tulle wreath should always have black flowers.

halloween+wreath2

Includes some feathers and orange roses, too. Lovely to have on your front door.

95. A witchy penguin will always enchant.

Halloween-penguin3

And here this amigurumi penguin gazes over a cauldron while sitting on pumpkin. So cute.

96. Wonder if anyone has their eye on you.

Halloween-Wreath-from-Ceiling-Medallion-TodaysCreativeBlog.net_

Well, it has an eye on the front. It’s drawn but you don’t want to kid yourself.

97. A wreath of white feathers is always worth a scare.

Simple-Halloween-Wreath-Just-Add-Glue-from-Nikki-In-Stitches

Comes with a black bow near the bottom. Quite lovely to say the least.

98. Seems like this wreath is covered with cobwebs.

Spider-Wreath

Yes, it’s another spider wreath. But this one is more covered with cobwebs than the others on this post.

99. Nobody can resist a spell from a monkey witch.

witch-monkey-amigurumi-24

This amigurumi monkey wears a hat and a cape. Even carries a broomstick. So cute.

100. Don’t like wreaths? Hang this witch hat on your door.

4b0482f7f88e6260678e46a57592d947

This one has legs and a decomesh brim. Also decorated with spiders and webs.

Halloween Party Tricks or Treats (But Mostly Treats, Sort of) (Fifth Edition)

untitled

Amid the scary times of the Trump administration and potentially catastrophic global warming, Halloween is coming up. To many it’s their favorite time of year when they can dress in a costume, go trick or treating, and decorate their homes as their own haunted houses. Some may even throw Halloween parties which may entail all kinds of witchy delights. Over the years, I’ve worked on 4 posts on these Halloween treats  where I’ve featured all kinds of wicked fare. Some of these are cute treats suited for kids’ parties with smiling faces. Others are rather gruesome and able to turn your stomach. So for your reading pleasure, I begin my Halloween season with another treasury of haunted delectable for any spooky night.

  1. Entertain your spooky guests with some spiderweb taco dip.
00e515c7b5bcd8ec91d070319b7175d1

Contains salsa, cheese, and guacamole. However, you can’t eat the plastic orange spider.

2. Treat your little goblins to these mummy buckeyes.

0e44b82369a690e91f1f6f209ad43b58

They’re just little bites with drizzle and chocolate chip eyes. Perfect for any dessert platter.

3. Nobody will get scared by these spider cupcakes.

1abd493804ea8eb0f6d9e01d0c409f8a

These have a special kind of cupcake holder for the spider legs. Yet, they can also be monster cupcakes without them.

4. You’d be howling over this werewolf cupcake.

1ea9d1b125bb75ad681b90715f1f736f

Uses gumdrops for its nose and ears. And its fur uses chocolate icing. More cute than scary though.

5. Want to have some crunchy fingers?

3aec4c95017cb3bce00e8e9d87f9e822

Wonder if they’re chicken fingers or breadsticks. The world may never know.

6. A cemetery cake like this is a rather haunted treat.

3fedb3b18a8c8d0ecdeec9bdb3874801

Consists of 3 tiers. Contains tombstones, pumpkins, and bats. Like the pumpkin pretzel fencing.

7. Someone’s peeking through the asparagus.

4b3f2dae32aa750d3e65284d2514c010

Proof you can make any dish. And spice it up for Halloween by adding eyes. Simple but clever.

8. No Halloween party should go without this haunted gingerbread house.

4d383a5abaefdfc61286e21e0d26af2e

Though I don’t think this house will be meant for eating. Still, you have to love the skull and ghost decorations.

9. Who wouldn’t want any of these ghostly apples?

5b095b63254065166b21baf3945d68ba

They’re just candy apples in white icing. Just add the eyes and mouth for more haunted emphasis.

10. For marshmallow goodness, try this smores trifle.

5c4597ec73f7f75f49f86ee6b3041e77

Though it includes some Halloween peeps as you can see. To know anyone who enjoys them is a scary prospect.

11. Don’t worry, these brownies don’t bite.

These easy mint Vampire Brownies make a fun Halloween treat!

Yes, these are spider brownies. No, they don’t seem to have any legs.

12. Want a piece of this skull cake?

5e26a82eaf24c99d4f51591cd221f24d

This one has cherry eyes. Love the red gummy worms surrounding it.

13. A Frankenstein monster cupcake will sate your monstrous appetite.

6b2e4cfcd22d031a2b9d3c2f574f505b

Sure it looks more cute than terrifying. Yet, it’s great for any monster mash dessert platter.

14. Care for a banana ghost?

7a1abd03719c39040c4b9b05bda3a335

They’re just banana tops with chocolate chips on them. Easy to make for any child.

15. Seems like these cookies have spider infestations.

7a8453ab056845fd8639d2f7fc4c5e9c

Don’t worry, they’re chocolate chips with icing legs. But they’re great for freaking out your friends.

16. Wet your appetite with these hardboiled spiders.

7b49f24f4b69a1da531ec041dd7ce9a6

These are hardboiled spider eggs. The heads are made out of olives. The legs from toothpicks.

17. No little imp can resist these marshmallow monsters.

7c10c702e931ce8b5f53e03bdcabc7bf

Each one has a Frankenstein monster, jack-o’-lantern, and a vampire. And let’s hope they’re not covered in sugar.

18. Nobody will mind this witch’s cauldron bubbling.

7e94c2c236a54668f06c9d9ec7cec1c1

This is a cake with icing bubbles. Love the wood and flames.

19. These cake pops are an especially spooky treat.

7ea51490e0d4062f33ca9ff6d77abfb5

Consists of a ghost, jack-o’-lantern, and black cats. And yes, they’re more adorable than scary.

20. Get a bite out of these candies.

08a41d4298c88d2ec4ee4460ec4096d7

They’re vampire lips. Yet, they seem to bite down on chocolate bars instead of human flesh.

21. You’ll be all webby over this spiderweb cake.

8a327fd7b5f4283e137b2f571b9d3535

It’s just a round cake covered in chocolate icing with a spider web design. Don’t forget to include the spider.

22. You’ll find English muffins under these wraps.

8b71784f149a8a02adc84a77f47e264d

These are English muffin mummies. And they’re all wrapped in cheesy strips.

23. Hope you’re open for a spidery dessert.

8efd3f054476c5cfdc04ecb27a78daef

Yes, it’s a spider cake. And the spider is made out of black sugar. Want to try?

24. Don’t forget to add sauce to your bones.

9d86f2a75878f0da82eb4dba78a24383

Well, these are bone breadsticks. While the tomato sauce represents blood, I think.

25. Unfortunately, the witches melted in the oven.

9e70cc79fa9f63da27721d94451f4288

Well, these are melted witch cookies. Includes an Oreo and Hershey’s Kiss hat and broomstick with a Reese’s cup and pretzel.

26. These jack-o’-lantern pies are haunted delights.

10d378eed0c4ba7241711d01249ce07b

Well, these are pumpkin hand pies. And they’re all spiced with cinnamon.

27. All these skeletons are snug in their graves.

10f0f2f852d6768789280352daacbb84

Yet, we only know one of their names. Though they all seem delicious to me.

28. Care for a marshmallow jack-o’-lantern?

19acf42d5438bbbe2c2396d31ada8e09

This one just entails 3 colors of icing and a pretzel stick. You see, very easy to make.

29. Who can resist these monster cookies?

20c8b4fa5c8225df73301f6bacdb1dd7

These are made of cookie dough covered in sugar with an eye and spikes on it. So scarily adorable.

30. Feel free to dip your pumpkin chips in this cauldron.

27ea381bd0abace31a454aebbd6d5fa1

The cauldron is made out of pumpernickel bread. The dip is primarily artichoke but looks quite green.

31. You’ll find this pizza quite ghostly.

30f5d26578e1a713a1f34a7ce0c0c0eb

Well, it’s a pizza with cheesy ghosts on it. Hope they don’t haunt your mouth.

32. You’d swear this cake was haunted by marshmallows.

033d54a4f79ba211ad0308572ee4df07

Okay, they’re marshmallow ghosts on an orange cake. And yes, it drips with chocolate icing.

33. An owl cupcake like this will surely be a hoot.

42f9095b31072ab1ef87aaf7c517833f

This one has almonds as feathers on its plumage. Nonetheless, quite eerily adorable.

34. These chocolate covered Oreos are crawling amok.

43c9b7b1c2ecdc5598ff03a282cc9cc3

These are spider Oreos. And yes, they have fangs that don’t bite.

35. These cookies seem quite witchy to me.

43db6a02887b87062d1f09280d0546c3

These were made out of Christmas tree cookie cutters. Love the hats.

36. The skeleton is bursting with desserts.

54fb74580e72f6be1b05353e87e0723b

The skeleton is pure plastic. But you can store plenty of goodies in it. Sure it’s disgusting, but this is Halloween.

37. These cookies are crawling with spiders.

59d65f9c45b75ce9c74067eab3f027f6

Each of these has a cake spider with icing legs. Care to try?

38. Wake up this Halloween to some ghostly pancakes.

65e423b464f3a0d2ee9d2099499c9fa2

Just make sure your pancakes are white and fluffy. And that they have eyes and a mouth.

39. These mummy peppers come under wraps.

72ada4b5e44f044e50f874486ddd93b5

These are wrapped with bread strips. Still, they must be quite spicy if you ask me.

40. These ho-ho’s are utterly batty.

81a321e7dffbaf24178b83b7e0afb9a6

All of them seem to have icing wings. So scarily cute.

41. Nobody could resist these jack-o’-lantern Oreos.

83b8f7798d6ac779b619134b3059ad97

Each of these is dipped in orange icing and has a different face. Nonetheless, they’re so creative.

42. Anyone in the mood for a bloody good cheesecake?

89c2d290469423e4d389e5841527fed5

It’s basically just a cheesecake soaked in cherry sauce and a large knife stabbing it. You can even use the knife to cut it.

43. Feel free to eat these webby fudge treats.

287bb73843c760f8624e3e0fa4c9a37a

Sure they may have plastic spiders on them. But you can always remove them if they freak you out.

44. These scary pretzels make a rather spooky snack.

297c3e101ed2a2197b1cf3348b5dcdbd

Consists of bats, mummies, pumpkins, and monsters. And yes, they’re quite tasty and scarily adorable.

45. Want to dip your veggies into this snake?

345aa5aa63d87c67133020e8e88bc54a

Well, the snake is made out of olives. Yet, the dip can easily resemble sand or dirt.

46. Help yourself to some brains.

0546e6c9ea97b8d30b4332be7cf7308b

You can see this is a brain cake. Fittingly it’s situated inside a skull pan.

47. You’d find a lot of candy on this jack-o’-lantern.

625d8e6102c8a88b26e3fda6a7dbca43

It’s supposed to represent the kind of jack-o’-lantern candy buckets trick or treaters use. So feel free to put on whatever candy you want.

48. For healthier options, try this witch.

640a6a1024d2511b5bd18175a14e0b77

Her face consists of pistachios while her hair is made of grapes. Her hat’s made out of raisins while she sports a pickle nose.

49. How would you like some free shots?

716affc13564e23aabd7169902177ee5

Don’t worry, they’re just jello shots. Though they may contain alcohol depending on the host’s discretion.

50. Your monster mash will be a smash with these Frankenstein monster snacks.

753ae8e1a6cc44b4e0867aa38f4f1220

They’re green cracker sandwiches with marshmallow bolts. Hope you like yours on a stick.

51. Hope you don’t die over some Butterfinger bark.

826d1539745986fce019173a4b255593

Each of these is shaped like a coffin. While they have orange under that chocolate shell.

52. You can really sink your teeth into these vampire cookies.

851ee9ac62080687585652bc8a3a49aa

Each of these all have smiling faces eager to suck your blood. But they’re to die for.

53. Hope you’re well wrapped for some mummy pretzels.

4510a5c5f80b6adf7909582d7604513e

Each of these is dipped in icing, piped with white drizzle, and graced with a pair of eyes. Easy to make and perfect for any Halloween dessert platter.

54. Monstrous brownies should sate your monstrous appetite.

5925f533b5e4edb21bcf1c57444bc71a

You can put as many eyes and teeth as you want on them. As long as they’re marshmallows and mini M&Ms.

55. Speaking of brownies, these spider bites will satisfy.

7721b79ce4f390c8fcea1e3d5716c57e

Each of these has pretzel legs and icing eyes. Hope they don’t scare you.

56. Perhaps this bloody bat cake may suit you.

7904b8571bd7659fe3a6943d23868422

The cake is covered in red icing to resemble blood. But you can’t eat the bats.

57. Want an Oreo bat on your cupcake?

43807b596bab65d3a7fe88eed23760af

Has an Oreo head and wings. Yet, you can’t help but love it. So cute.

58. Some spooky salty pretzel toffee is a great Halloween treat.

143472b1ef52983a9f14cf6ee1b3a141

All you need to do is make the toffee and add eyes to it. Simple as that.

59. Impress your guests with these monster appetizer snacks.

870163ff770b276c5f7a587e8dec6c48

Each of these has meat and cheese. Though you can use peppers and olives to make a face any way you want.

60. You’d be pleased to death with these spiderweb cupcakes.

9771806b1ec9d3fdefeaf407e93e47c3

Each of these has white and chocolate icing on top. Perfect for any spiderweb cake.

61. Nothing beats a Halloween dessert like a monster parfait.

46159086d471976d5b9febf30649de4d

This one has blue ice cream inside. Yet, the monster does have a neat pair of glasses.

62. You won’t guess what’s wrapped around this mummy cheese ball.

1475858238-delish-mummy-brie-3-1532961297

Well, it’s covered by bread. Yet, hope you can dip your cracker in it.

63. No ghoul can resist these Oreo bat truffles.

67511654078cb178a0aa88a9fbb0730c

Includes chocolate wings and chocolate chip ears. Your guests will go batty for them.

64. Care for some mummy pizza?

143287572400d36902b5d5f5cdc950f2

More like mummy calzones. Given that the top is covered with dough for wraps.

65. Nothing makes your dessert platter like these berry pumpkin tarts.

a1fee2a7bcc168f62756f4b21dd0a216

Each of these has a different jack-o’-lantern face. Goes well with any pie if you care to add one.

66. For healthier options, check out these monster apple slices.

a9dd3dc373010b17656905cdc63b1f1f

Each of these has a strawberry tongue. Comes with 1-2 eyes.

67. Perhaps you might want eyes in your hot chocolate.

acbc142eeae6b99dee4c643cfb7d1494

They’re just marshmallows with chocolate chips on them. But some may be freaked out by them.

68. Want some spiderwebs on your pumpkins?

ae2dc894cdad004a81aeb0314c6d9489

They may be orange on the inside. But they covered with spiderwebs of chocolate and white icing.

69. Grace your dessert platter with this night sky cake.

b2bc8d7a78faec6198317af8d73b7079

The night sky may be blue with a white moon. But you have to love all the chocolate bats.

70. Care for a slice of candy corn cake?

b4a98e12edd3a04faab939d1b6d88f5b

They might be covered with sprinkles on their backs. But I’m sure they taste better than the real thing. Because the real candies are just sugar wax.

71. You’ll go batty for these cookies.

b6fb9b0b529bb0c66585b94e33b00060

They’re even on sticks and come with a full moon. Professionally made but adorable.

72. Perhaps you might want to try some witch’s brew cookies.

b8b44843332b0b2ed944017dca3fc698

Consists of green, black, and purple dough all meshed together. And they all have sprinkles on the edges.

73. You’ll love these raven cookies ever more.

b52019354b2ea39ea5b0ece71699bf77

Okay, a few of them may be owls. But you get the idea with the black icing.

74. How about a ghost on your chocolate pie slice.

bd8bbbb1ddb4f995576a08fd35a71ce4

The ghost is made from whipped cream and chocolate chips. Want to take a bite?

75. Any little goblin would love a monster treat like this.

cc407f9053e52d5b18b18e8660d73ee3

It’s basically a chocolate monster treat on a stick. And yes, it’s quite charming.

76. You can’t have Halloween night without these black cat cupcakes.

ccde9b66b7b6d12d9ba8b816a7956f54

Come with a full moon covered in sugar. They’re also pumpkin spice and pudding.

77. Treat your little ghouls to some Frankenstein monster Rice Krispie treats.

ce5774fcdceef5a221bd9499735b2cc8

Each one is covered in green with eyes, hair, and crooked mouth. Perfect for any Halloween party.

78. These chocolate cookies really are the shit.

creepy-halloween-food-ideas-10

That’s because they’re made to look like shit. Though I guarantee you they won’t smell like it.

79. Send your kid to school with this monster lunch.

d5dddaaf330fd59183ae0330ac8f2f29

One of them even has bloodshot deviled egg eyes. Another a long tongue of ham strips.

80. Help yourself to these jello eyes.

d5514d3cd4d37ed83af15b981d0e86a8

Man, these are really disgusting. Available in green and blue, apparently.

The Roadside World of Billboards

3D illustration of blank white billboard against blue sky.

Let’s face it, advertising is everywhere. Wherever you go and whatever you do, you’re still bound to see some kind of ad promoting some kind of product or service. After all, a business has to sell somehow and some way. Even in a rural area, whenever you’re traveling, chances are you’ll see all kinds of billboard signs advertising local businesses and services nearby. Some may even have public service announcements or political messages. Some may just promote products like fast food or beer. But whenever you travel, you’ll still see them. Nevertheless, you’ll come across some billboards with unique designs and funny slogans. And that’s where I come in. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasury of billboards that won’t make you bored to tears. Some of these may not be safe for work by the way.

  1. Come to Pedro’s south of the border.
0e80ffa1a2c88a4c2c87de257372534e

Not sure if using “sausage” is a good idea. Oh, I get it, it’s supposed to be “saw such.” My mistake.

2. Best to drive carefully through Branxton.

3b3640f681064018202f1bcd6302043f

Since it has 2 cemeteries and no hospital. So if you get injured, you’re out of luck.

3. Of course, some people just have to bring their personal lives out for everyone to see.

5d1329868dbe5cd9311a6cb824e40237

Look, I know you’re hurting, Emily. But please, I think airing your anger on a billboard makes you seem like a crazy bitch.

4. Stop in at Big Dick’s Halfway Inn.

9f957bd00eb90de2c0f9a4d4415ae43d

Okay, this sounds kind of dirty for a rest stop. I’m sure “Original Minnow Shot” will have its own Urban Dictionary entry real soon.

5. With Esurance, you can cover your home in a click.

10

Sure you might not see anything wrong with this message. But look at it from far away, and it says, “cover your home in a dick.”

6. This billboard was brought to you by Financial Arts, Inc.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-01-1

However, if you’re looking for anything silent but deadly, I don’t think their website will offer it. Though I don’t know what financial arts are anyway.

7. Pollo Tropical always offers island flavor.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-03

But they aren’t great choosing a font. Since the “island” part also reads bland, which won’t attract potential customers.

8. Your Local 5 is here when you need to know.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-06

Though the headline doesn’t help matters. Seriously, people might get the wrong idea.

9. Since you only live once, try to be happy.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-07

Brought to you by Wilks Funeral Home. Hey, at least they know how to cash in on a trend.

10. Spend your time at this golf range.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-08

This place boasts about great balls and grass. I know people might get the wrong idea.

11. If you need any help, call these guys.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-09

But what do these people do? Who are these people are? Seriously, I really don’t know.

12. Want to fly? Text while you drive.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-12

But I don’t think that kind of flying involves a plane. More likely involves a car crash.

13. Live the extreme with the Air Force Reserve.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-13

Since when did the Air Force do wind surfing? Not that I want to join since I don’t. But I need to know this.

14. Scandinavian Designs has their biggest sale ever.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-17

That woman doesn’t seem excited for some reason. In fact, she reminds me of a scream queen from a horror movie who’s freaked out about getting killed.

15. At Construct 2, we make computer games.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-19

Yet, this one seems to depict rather childish drawings. Perhaps they should’ve gone with state of the art graphics instead.

16. You can expect great care at Cancer Care Center.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-20

Don’t think that’s good for their ad campaign. Seriously, that pun goes nowhere.

17. Hope you can get a nice pair of these undies.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-22

Too bad this billboard ad was made by someone who couldn’t type. Seriously, the capitalization is nuts.

18. Lowe’s always takes care of unfinished projects.

32

Well, at least Lowe’s knows how to advertise. Since that billboard looks unfinished to me.

19. She caught her cheating husband with state of the art equipment.

32f457a71102c7cd9ca570b88b7b6295--cheating-husbands-revenge-on-cheating-exes

I think ads like these belong on Craigslist. Not on billboards for all to see.

20. Cops hide here. So get a Mini Cooper.

88f246a7b5abb4b93b3932b5f3259e7b

Sure the Mini Cooper is small. But an ad implying that cops hide behind the bushes is disturbing.

21. Want to see your teeth as we do? Go to Aspen Dental.

670p4u99c22z_RS

I know she’s smiling. But it’s a frown upside down. That don’t look right.

22. Want to see the largest continent? Fly on Air Asia.

760656abb861e67cfd5c752bdd0eebaa

Well, that’s a clever way to use puns. Hope it goes over the kids.

23. Got hemorrhoids? Tampa Proctology is at your service.

4749216990a8d9edf578cd6f9176b728

Come in through the rear entrance. And please, no butt dials.

24. Want to enjoy Minnesota? Move to Wisconsin.

a301_b2

Someone doesn’t seem to appreciate Minnesota very much. But this is from a Wisconsin real estate agency.

25. When burying your dead loved one, think outside the box.

a301_b6

This is for a cemetery. But when they say to think outside the box, they usually don’t mean a coffin.

26. Don’t read enough? Try these audiobooks.

a301_b9

I know some Americans may be offended by this. But this company is from Canada. Still, I’d replace the George W. Bush image with Donald Trump.

27. Your breasts won’t bounce with this bra.

a301_b12

I don’t get the slogan. “Only the ball should bounce,” what the hell does that mean?

28. Seems like this billboard might’ve caused a car crash.

accident

Apparently, sex sells. Since this is for a mechanic’s garage. Guess they know how to drum up good business.

29. Is your wife hot? Get your air conditioning fixed.

ac-fixed

Well, that’s sure to get people’s attention. Though I’m not sure if it’s appropriate.

30. Got arrested? Call Jaeger & Blanker.

arrested

Got to like their number 1-855-WTF-POPO. Though they seem to specialize in drugs and DUIs.

31. Seems like this lobster had to see a therapist.

australia-lobster-funny-billboard

This is for an Australian lobster joint. Not sure why it featured cartoon lobsters in therapy.

32. The Dark Knight is open for litigation.

batman-law-firm

Okay, his name just happens to be Batman. Wonder if he gets any flack from that. Couldn’t hurt his business.

33. Life Church TV is known to vanquish Satan.

billboard-211212

Not always a fan of religious billboards. But I think this one is quite clever if you ask me.

34. Texas Direct Auto loves your headlights.

Billboard-Humor-Bad

This is for a car buying service. And I don’t think the cars they buy aren’t anywhere nice.

35. Invest in your future, study engineering before sex.

board-11

Funny how this ad implies you can’t have sex and study engineering. But still, use protection.

36. Asian Buffet: Poor English but great food.

board-15

Though Asians will certainly find this sign quite offensive. This especially with the addition of “Oriental.”

37. Buy a diamond ring for her and get a free gun.

buy-her-a-diamond-get-a-free-hunting-rifle

Well, that’s one way to drum up business. Yet, should a jeweler really do this?

38. Alcohol: Cheaper than therapy.

cheaper-than-therapy

This is for a discount liquor store. Though between alcohol and therapy, I’d stick with therapy.

39. If you can bank anywhere, go with 1st Bank.

CrB4I4eW8AAqB2U

Yet, why it has a surgeon operating, I don’t have the slightest idea. Seriously, banking shouldn’t be on your mind while cutting someone open.

40. Keep your butt covered.

cover-butt

This one recommends that people get colonoscopies. Yet, why show someone’s butt cheeks, I don’t have a clue.

41. Fat and ugly? Join Fit 4 Less.

dpaf6

Well, that’s a rather demeaning message. From a billboard in Great Britain, by the way.

42. Get your crabs at Dirty Dick’s Crab House.

e1f3b62e77f30ae60fa2371b520bcac1

It’s a crab restaurant at Myrtle Beach. Yet, I see the dirty wordplay which would make many want to avoid it.

43. Spend time with your kids at the dinner table. Put family first.

family-first

I know it’s supposed to encourage family togetherness. Yet, it seems to imply cannibalism.

44. Come to Buc-ee’s for food and gas.

Funny-Billboard-4

I know it’s just a run of the mill rest stop. Yet, kind of implies that the food you eat will give you gas.

45. Seems like we’ve come across a personal ad.

Funny-Billboard-Picture-1-570x641

Well, if you can afford a billboard, you can afford a spouse. Still, not sure about displaying one’s phone number though.

46. Texting while driving kills. But if you want to know more just text.

Funny-Billboard-Picture-3-570x641

Guess this is proof that irony knows no bounds. But seriously, texting while driving kills.

47. Got a DUI? Call 1-800-NOT-DRUNK.

Funny-Billboard-Picture-9-570x641

The fact so many people get DUIs can make this guy have a firm like this. Kind of a sad statement of our society.

48. So, what’s our slogan?

Funny-Billboard-Picture-21-570x641

Guess whoever made this billboard was totally high at the time. Wonder if it’s from Colorado.

49. Want to know information concerning your health and safety? See other side.

Funny-Billboard-Picture-24-570x641

And they seem to make it so urgent. But they wasted a whole space for the typography.

50. Save the whales. Go vegetarian and lose weight.

Funny-Billboards-17

This is from PETA, by the way. And yes, they have to get their message out their through fat shaming. Is there anything they wouldn’t do?

51. In advertising, it’s best to use only what you need.

Funny-Cool-WTF-Creative-Road-Signs-Billboards-Advertisement-Ever-11

This one only uses a small orange square to get to the point. The rest is just bare.

52. Whether Pokémon or STDs, gotta catch ’em all.

funny-sign-pokemon-catchem-all-std-check

Not sure if Pokémon font is appropriate for this kind of matter. Seriously, why?

53. Committed a crime? Call Larry L. Archie.

guilty-56a3b0945f9b58b7d0d32f97

Famous clients include O.J. Simpson, Casey Anthony, George Zimmerman, and more. Okay, I’m just kidding. But that slogan’s just waiting to be mocked.

54. Serenity Creek Med Spa will get you from Sasquatch to smooth.

hair-removal

So Bigfoot was basically a gorgeous blond woman inside the whole time. Didn’t see that coming.

55. Introducing Scooter, the neutered cat.

hilarious-billboard-signs-17

Wonder what this is for. Bet it’s for a shelter or vet office.

56. Unfortunately, nothing can end hunger in Ohio.

h-photo-u15

I think this is website. Still, kind of sends a rather dark message.

57. Greetings, from Quartzite, Arizona!

h-photo-u16

Even includes, legends of camels. And it’s always the weekend there, except for people who live there. Since they have to work. Seems like someone’s desperate for tourists.

58. Don’t want to be caught dead in that dress? Tell the funeral home now.

h-photo-u17

This is for a funeral home. Not sure if I agree with the slogan but it seems to work.

59. Illiterate? Write for free help.

illiterate-write-for-help

So if you’re illiterate, how can you write for free help. Because I don’t get it at all.

60. Prevent HIV and get tested with this crew.

j-photo-u16

But I don’t know if this is the kind of way to get the message out. But whatever works for the kids.

61. Truth Ministry: where you can pray the Asian away.

j-photo-u17

Boy, that’s racist. Guaranteed to work as well as gay conversion therapy like not at all with abusive side effects.

62. Don’t forget to turn your neighbors in.

j-photo-u18

Not sure what this is for. But it’s kind of disturbing if you ask me.

63. Your local sheriff wishes you a happy Valentine’s Day.

j-photo-u110

Well, that’s kind of awkward. Mostly because sheriffs don’t take billboards for Valentine’s Day.

64. Got man boobs? Call this number.

j-photo-u111

This is from Minnesota, by the way. Not sure if I’d want to see that on the road though.

65. With the Daily Mail, both Kims are on the same page.

kim-billboard

Have to admit, at least the Daily Mail has a better ad campaign than the Post Gazette. Though I wouldn’t want to be associated with either Kim.

66. With Lean Plum, engage the shit out of your mobile users.

Leanplum_billboard

Even uses the famous poop emoji. Though it’s only fair.

67. You’ll have liquor all over at Lee’s discount liquors.

liquor-all-over

Says they have 17 Las Vegas locations. So even if it does well, it has a lot of competition.

68. Injured? Go to MyBaldLawyer.com.

ltrn3qrphgt01

Well, at least he embraces his baldness. But not sure if him telling onlookers not to pull their hair out is a good idea.

69. Got a crack in your basement floor? Call the Crack Team.

mr-happy-crack

Even presents a guy named Mr. Happy Crack. Saying, “A dry crack is a happy crack!” That just cracks me up.

70. McDonald’s is always open at 6 am.

my-ass

Says “MY ASS.” Not sure what it means. But it’s hilarious.

71. Don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets as well as your loved ones.

neuter-pets-friends-relatives

Not sure if you should neuter your weird friends and relatives. Don’t know what to think about that.

72. Inspire the youth, control the future.

n-HIETLER-large570

However, using a quote by Adolf Hitler on your billboard won’t give you any favors. Seriously, the guy killed about 6-9 million Jews and started World War II.

73. Don’t be a pickle and stop vegetable abuse.

oLsVV

This is for a sex shop. Yet, I really feel bad for that pickle.

74. According to Restored Church, God likes sex.

o-RESTORED-CHURCH-570

Though I guess the sex God loves is between a straight married couple. I’m just guessing in regards to this church.

75. Sask always tells you to pork the one you love.

pork-love

This is for pork. But pork is also another euphemism for fuck, which they use on Honest Trailers.

76. You can reach this website as soon as you solve the problem.

prime-number

Unless you’re math genius, you’ll never be able to guess. And I wouldn’t recommend you using a calculator while driving.

77. Before you put up a billboard, always run it through spellcheck.

pubic-schools

I don’t think “pubic schools” is the right word for it. Apparently, their public schools don’t seem great at spelling.

78. Marital problems? Get a bigger house.

realtor-logic

Well, that’s how realtors look at it. Still, I think a bigger house won’t solve anyone’s relationship problems.

79. Store your things in Bitterroot Self-Storage.

self-storage

On Cemetery Lane, apparently. Gives a whole new meaning of “self-storage,” doesn’t it?

80. Want to wreck? Just keep looking at the boobies.

staring

That will certainly do the trick. Since guys are said to be attracted by big boobs.

81. Injured? Call Brown & Brown.

success

Don’t mind the man in the eyepatch. Though I’m not sure if it helps their brand of success.

82. Save the date for the Testicle Festival.

testicle-festival

You’ll have to be nuts to miss it. Make no balls about it.

83. Need help? Consider hiring a lady lawyer.

untitled

So she’s playing the woman card, isn’t she? Seriously, I’m a woman and I don’t think my gender makes me good at arguing.

84. With Virgin America, flying to Chicago no longer blows.

untitled3

Well, “blows” can also mean sucks. So they didn’t think this pun through.

85. You can even use a billboard to promote yourself.

untitled4

After all, he spent a whole lot of money to get noticed. So somebody should hire him.

86. Annoyed by higher taxes in Illinois? Move to Indiana.

untitled5

Keep in mind that Indiana has loose gun control laws that contribute to Chicago’s high murder rate. Look it up in regards to gun trafficking.

87. Need a summer job? Try being a kept woman.

untitled6

Okay, that’s just downright sick. And they’re targeting this sign for students? Makes me want to barf.

88. Get your sit together and buckle up.

untitled7

Yet, the buckle is covered in the middle. Makes you imagine a different term entirely.

89. At Lou Redman’s Barstool’s and Dining, check out their stool samples.

untitled8

Well, they sell stools and chairs, what do you expect? And no, they’re not talking about that kind of stool.

90. Just pop the question with a ring from Robbins Diamonds.

untitled9

And here she’s flipping the bird to drivers. So stop by before she dumps you’re sorry ass.

91. Why is Justin Bieber so sad? Is it because so many teens are unemployed?

untitled10

No, because teen employment isn’t as big of deal. Besides, Justin Bieber doesn’t care about anything but himself.

92. Still a virgin? We can help.

virgin

Is this an escort service or a brothel? Not sure if I want to know.

93. Keep country roads safe. Don’t drive like a wanker.

wanker

Wanker is a British expression for jackass. Yet, you see what they mean.

94. Outhouse Springs provides you with America’s first recycled water.

SAMSUNG DIGIMAX 360

Okay, I don’t want to drink that. Who knows what that water has been through.

95. Get a free HIV test for Mom.

weird-billboards-9

Look, I know it’s supposed to project tenderness between a mother and son. But since I know how HIV is transmitted, this scene gives me Manchurian Candidate vibes.

96. Camerman  wishes dog guy happy holidays.

weird-billboards-11

Now that’s kind of weird. Wonder if it’s inspired by some acid trip. Oh, it’s for Adult Swim.

97. Hey, you can win a free booby prize if you follow the link.

weird-billboards-13

Wonder if the booby prize involves boobs. Or if that’s just used to entice viewers.

98. All he wants for Christmas is a Latina girlfriend.

weird-billboards-15

Let’s hope he’s not a Trump supporter. If so, he’ll have is work cut out for him.

99. Gary wants to know if you’re asking for it?

weird-billboards-21

No, I am not. And I don’t want to ask him either. Also, that mullet is ugly.

100. Hold it in, you’ll make it. Just drive through the exit.

youll-make-it

I know we all feel that way at one time or another. Best we get some encouragement now and then.

Born in a Golden Cradle

We all know full well how Donald Trump repeatedly paints his start in business as an up-by-the bootstraps, riches-to-slightly-more-riches tale. He’s cast himself as a New York real estate Oliver Twist with only his name and a $1 million loan from his dear old dad to keep him company. Only to become a self-made billionaire real estate mogul. Trump not only used this description to promote his image as a skilled businessman, but also portray himself as a “self-made man” during his presidential candidacy.

Despite the image Donald Trump projects to his base at his ego boosting rallies, he has actually spent 5 decades pretending not only that his father never rescued him from financial dire straits, but played a minimal role in his business success. When he said that Fred only gave him a $1 million loan, Trump glossed over how central his dad was to his career. When Trump entered the Manhattan real estate business in the mid-1970s, Fred cosigned bank loans for tens of millions of dollars. These loans made it possible for Trump to develop early projects like the Grand Hyatt hotel. When he targeted Atlantic City’s casino market, Fred loaned him about $7.5 million to get started. When he floundered there during the 1990s, Fred sent a lawyer to a Trump casino to buy $3.5 million in chips so his son can use the funds for a bond payment and avoid filing for corporate bankruptcy. In other words, Trump’s wealth has always been “deeply intertwined with, and dependent on” on his father’s wealth.

On Tuesday, October 2, 2018, the New York Times published investigation results into Donald Trump’s wealth and tax practices. They revealed a pattern of tax evasion and business practices that allowed him to receive at least $413 million in today’s dollars from his father. According to the report, Trump and his siblings got hundreds of millions of dollars in today’s money from their dad’s real estate empire, starting from their childhoods. As they write:

“Much of this money came to Mr. Trump because he helped his parents dodge taxes. He and his siblings set up a sham corporation to disguise millions of dollars in gifts from their parents, records and interviews show. Records indicate that Mr. Trump helped his father take improper tax deductions worth millions more. He also helped formulate a strategy to undervalue his parents’ real estate holdings by hundreds of millions of dollars on tax returns, sharply reducing the tax bill when those properties were transferred to him and his siblings.”

In sum, Donald Trump’s parents transferred more than $1 billion to their children and paid about $52.2 million in taxes. Given the relevant tax rates on gifts and inheritances, they should’ve paid $550 million, which is 10 times more. The IRS didn’t really notice it. While the Times didn’t see Trump’s own tax returns, their reporting was based on documents, records, and interviews pertaining to Fred Trump’s financial empire. These included, “tens of thousands of pages of confidential records — bank statements, financial audits, accounting ledgers, cash disbursement reports, invoices and canceled checks” along with more than 200 tax returns from Fred and various companies and trusts he set up. Even though he can’t be prosecuted for them due to statute of limitations expiration, evidence suggests that Donald’s actions on paying taxes weren’t always above the fray.

When Donald Trump’s finances were “crumbling” during the 1980s and 1990s, Fred Trump’s companies increased distributions to him and his siblings. From 1989-1992, Fred created 4 entities paying Donald $8.3 million in today’s money. When Donald’s finances were at their worst in 1990, Fred’s income shot up $49,638,928 and earned him a $12.2 million tax bill. According to the New York Times report, there are indications Fred, “wanted plenty of cash on hand to bail out his son if need be.” A former Trump Organization told Tim O’Brien in 2005, “We would have literally closed down. The key would have been in the door and there would have been no more Donald Trump. The family saved him.” Of course, it wasn’t really Trump’s family who saved him from personal bankruptcy, it was his dad. On another occasion, Trump allegedly gave his dad a $15.5 million share of the Trump Palace condo skyscraper in New York to square off some debts with his loans. But Fred then sold the shares back to his son for $10,000, making the whole exchange of $15.49 a taxable gift. Fred never declared it as such.
But it wasn’t always rich dad bailing out his son. Fred and Donald Trump worked together. As the elder man aged, his kids had to continue the tax schemes their parents put in place. In 1997, Donald and his siblings gained control of most of their dad’s empire. They significantly undervalued the properties, claiming they were worth $41.4 million and selling them off for 16 times the amount.

Nonetheless, the wealth transfer between Fred Trump and Donald Trump (along with his siblings) was a lifetime affair. As the New York Times notes:

“By age 3, Mr. Trump was earning $200,000 a year in today’s dollars from his father’s empire. He was a millionaire by age 8. By the time he was 17, his father had given him part ownership of a 52-unit apartment building. Soon after Mr. Trump graduated from college, he was receiving the equivalent of $1 million a year from his father. The money increased with the years, to more than $5 million annually in his 40s and 50s.”

As the Times writes, there’s a fine line between tax evasion and tax avoidance. Rich people employ all kinds of tricks to lower their taxes all the time. But since Donald Trump has refused to release his tax returns, these journalistic investigations raise questions of what he’s hiding in his finances. For what the publication doesn’t have is what the American people have become accustomed to getting from their presidents like recent tax returns. Instead, the Times gave close scrutiny Fred Trump’s businesses which reveal the range of apparent illegal activity. Yet, everything the Times has is fairly old since Fred passed nearly 20 years ago while his years in business ended before that. So they no longer reflect the current state of Trump’s financial affairs. Furthermore, any illegal activity the Times sources revealed in this article can’t be prosecuted due to statute of limitations expiration.

The New York Times’ investigation is exhaustive and, to some extent, defies summary. But it’s worth recounting the most egregious thing they found as an illustrative example of the scope of crimes that serious forensic accounting can reveal. Basically, this was a 2-scams-for-the-price-of-one-caper, in which Fred Trump formed a shell company his children secretly owned. The company pretended to perform useful services for rent-stabilized buildings Fred owned, allowing to gift money to his children without paying a gift tax. Then, its bogus accounting was used to justify rent increases to regulators. As the Times wrote:

“The most overt fraud was All County Building Supply & Maintenance, a company formed by the Trump family in 1992. All County’s ostensible purpose was to be the purchasing agent for Fred Trump’s buildings, buying everything from boilers to cleaning supplies. It did no such thing, records and interviews show. Instead All County siphoned millions of dollars from Fred Trump’s empire by simply marking up purchases already made by his employees. Those millions, effectively untaxed gifts, then flowed to All County’s owners — Donald Trump, his siblings and a cousin. Fred Trump then used the padded All County receipts to justify bigger rent increases for thousands of tenants.”
This is a particularly shocking crime because of the way it was used to defraud thousands of tenants as well as tax authorities. But this wasn’t the only time Fred cheated the public. After all, he got his start in profiteering in millions from programs to help returning GIs receive housing, prompting President Dwight D. Eisenhower to throw a fit. In 1954, he was called before the Senate to testify about how he overcharged the federal government by inflating costs associated with a taxpayer-subsidized housing development in Brooklyn. As a result, Fred was banned from bidding on federal housing contracts. So he focused on state-subsidized projects. However, in 1966, Fred was called before a state investigations board to sit through embarrassing public hearings exploring how he overbilled New York State for equipment and other costs. These hearings essentially marked the end of Fred’s career as a major developer in public subsidized housing. Donald Trump would say that the government essentially reached in and took his dad’s business away from him. But this explanation ignores the fact that Fred’s business wouldn’t have gotten off the ground without government subsidies in the first place.

However, in terms of Donald Trump cheating on his taxes, it’s far from unique. In 1983, he’s admitted to sales tax fraud. He’s lost 2 income tax civil fraud trials. Hell, his own tax lawyer testified that Trump’s 1984 tax return was fraudulent. More strikingly, even before the Times’ investigation, we had numerous examples of Trump operating as a habitual criminal. While Trump would like to American people to forget about this, he got his start as a celebrity after the New York Times published an article detailing federal housing discrimination charges brought against him and his father. Ultimately, the charges were settled without admission of fault, which would be a pattern for Trump over the years. Even so, the fact his first foray into the real estate business involved criminal acts didn’t stop him from continuing in that business. When Trump branched out into casinos, he got caught accepting an illegal loan from his dad to stay afloat and got off with a slap on the wrist. He was even allowed to continue with the business as well.

From empty-box tax scam to money laundering at his casinos, racial discrimination in his apartments, Federal Trade Commission violations for his stock purchases, and Securities and Exchange Commission violations for his financial reporting, Donald Trump has spent his entire career breaking various laws, getting caught, and then essentially plowing ahead unharmed. Caught engaging in illegal racial discrimination to please a mob boss? Paid a fine. There was no sense this was a repeated pattern of violating racial discrimination law (despite being caught before in a housing discrimination case by the federal government). Nor there was certainly any desire to take a closer look at Trump’s various personal and professional connections to the Mafia. In New York, Trump Tower’s construction employed hundreds of undocumented Polish immigrants, paid them laughably low wages, and worked them beyond legal limits. Though Trump denied knowledge of the situation, a judge said his testimony wasn’t credible. Court records show that Trump and his children misled investors in failed condo projects in Baja California and Florida. Even as late as the post-election transition, Trump was allowed to settle a lawsuit about defrauding customers at his fake university for $25 million rather than truly face the music like a potential prison term. But he still insisted he did nothing wrong despite evidence to the contrary.

One of Donald Trump’s real insights in life was to see a bug in the system. When it comes to these white-collar crimes, it’s typically the government officials’ interest to agree to a settlement giving them positive headlines, raise some cash, and move on to the next investigation. But while these decisions can make sense individually, they let serial offenders repeat their crimes over and over again. After all, you wouldn’t want police to solve other crimes this way. Meanwhile, throughout the decades of Trump’s rise, the legal climate has only gotten more permissive.

The fact that Donald Trump appears to have been involved in serious financial crimes in the past is the most likely reason for his unprecedented lack of transparency. He didn’t magically stop committing them in the mid-1990s. Rather he’s just been getting away with it in an era of reduced law enforcement and fears his documents wouldn’t stand up to scrutiny. As a candidate, Trump promised to release his tax returns. Now that he’s in office, he has refused to do so. In response to the Times’ investigation, the White House released a statement full of bluster about the “wonderful” things Trump has achieved as president. But it didn’t deny any of the alleged facts. Instead, press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders merely observed that “many decades ago the IRS reviewed and signed off on these transactions.”

It’s not entirely clear if the IRS reviewed all of these transactions. But it’s unquestionably true that Donald Trump got away with it. Because lots of people get away with a lot of crimes and that doesn’t make it okay. The IRS is no more perfect in its work than any other law enforcement agency. To make matters worse, the IRS has been starved of resources, making it even harder to catch rich tax cheats. To be clear, this wasn’t caused by austerity by budgetary necessity. Based on macroeconomic estimates, the IRS believes that business owners like Donald Trump underpay their taxes by $125 million a year. Investing more in catching these tax cheats would pay off easily. But congressional Republicans haven’t wanted to do it because they think it’s good that rich business owners can get away with cheating on their taxes. Yet, this also gives tax-cheating businesses a very good reason to fear transparency and disclosure. While the IRS is relatively unlikely to get a hard, rigorous look at any particularly rich person’s complicated tax submissions. But since Trump is president, he’d find Congress and the press heavily scrutinizing his finances. Trump got away with tax evasion during an era of generally more rigorous enforcement. It’s very unlikely that he simply stopped doing it during the more recent years when enforcement got laxer. If he disclosed his tax returns, we’d find out about the scams he’s running. Because that’s why Trump doesn’t want us to see them. And why we absolutely need to. We won’t really know why Donald Trump hides his tax returns until he stops concealing them. But the New York Times’ investigation sends a clear message that he’s got a track record of doing illegal stuff with his taxes.

However, though Donald Trump won’t release his tax returns as president, Congress can make him. But congressional Republicans have steadfastly refused to do so. Nonetheless, the American people have a right to know whether or not the man in the White House is a crook. Though the case for oversight became stronger once Trump became president, Republicans who once distanced themselves from him became uniformly devoted to covering up for him. In addition, Republicans have totally resisted Democratic efforts to force disclosure.

While congressional Republicans may tell themselves these returns are no big deal, they have no idea how serious the crimes are they’re helping Donald Trump hide. Mostly because Republicans decided it’s good when rich people cheat on their taxes despite that it’s not. In fact, cheating on taxes contributes to inequality, higher interest rates, weaker public services, and a range of social news. And despite the Republicans’ best efforts, it’s still illegal. Though the tax code currently has minimal taxes on inheritances and gifts as well as large loopholes for the wealthiest of the wealthy. The New York Times investigation into the Trump family’s wealth demonstrates how wealthy families wiggle out of taxes through licit and illicit means. Thus, starving the government of tax revenue, making the tax code less progressive than it’s designed to be, and effectively increasing the tax burden on low-income families and their businesses. The richer the family, the more likely they engage in tax evasion. In fact, one study shows that the richest .01% were shown to evade 25% of taxes, several times the rate seen among the general public. Because Trump is president, we need to know if he’s been breaking the law. All we need to do is have a congressional committee vote. But to get it, we need a new Congress.

Of course, since I’ve conducted extensive research on Donald Trump since he ran for president, the fact he’s not the self-made man he portrays himself to be doesn’t surprise me. I long knew that he never would’ve become what he is today if he hadn’t been born into wealth and privilege. And I knew about his dad vouching for him on his early projects and helping him out of his financial problems. Yet, millions of Americans still believe Trump as a modern Midas who’d lift them out of hard times as the super-rich flourish while everyone else’s incomes remain mostly flat. But the truth is that the man in the Oval Office isn’t the wealth-building entrepreneur he claims to be. In fact, he’s a financial vampire extracting cash from enterprises while leaving behind unpaid workers, vendors, and governments. And if you want to know what that will lead to, just take a visit to Atlantic City.

The Professor and the Judge

28-blasey-ford-kavanaugh-split.w700.h467.jpg

There are plenty of reason not to want Supreme Court nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh confirmed. He’s a conservative ideologue masquerading as a judge. He’s a corporate whore who thinks net neutrality violates the cable companies’ freedom of speech. And he’s ruled in favor of corporate power over democracy and the public interest on almost every kind of dispute you can think of. He won’t release 100,000 pages of documents relating to his work for the Bush administration in the 2000s. He’s perfectly fine with disabled people getting elective surgery against their will. He likens contraceptives to abortion inducing drugs which they’re most certainly not. He’s lied under oath on multiple occasions. He has gambling problems as his $200,000 credit card for debt for “baseball tickets.” And he believes that a president shouldn’t be indicted while in office. In sum, he’s a horrible Supreme Court pick in every conceivable way and has absolutely no business in ruling in critical matters that will affect American lives for decades to come.

Now as a Catholic liberal, I may have political misgivings on why Judge Kavanaugh shouldn’t sit on the bench of the US Supreme Court. Yet, most importantly is Kavanaugh’s history with women and his sexual assault allegations. Kavanaugh’s nomination seemed like moving ahead. The New Yorker published an explosive report about a letter California US Senator Dianne Feinstein sent to the FBI but was reluctant to discuss in public. Since she was worried the letter could expose Ford to partisan attacks. Written by a California psychology professor Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, she said the announcement of Kavanaugh’s nomination to the Supreme Court had spurred her recollection of a party encounter in high school where he held her down to a bed, ground against and groped her, attempted to remove her clothes, and tried to force himself on her, covering her mouth when she tried to scream. Finding it difficult to breathe, she thought Kavanaugh was accidentally going to kill her. Luckily, Ford escaped when Kavanaugh’s friend Mark Judge jumped on them and the all fell. She fled the room and locked herself in a bathroom until she heard the two boys go downstairs and their voices recede. Terrified she’d run into them and attack again, Ford ran out of the house. But the encounter was “a source of ongoing distress for her” as she remembered Kavanaugh and Judge laughing at her suffering. To put it in layman’s terms, Kavanaugh tried to rape her which has scarred her for life despite that she narrowly got away. This is a violent crime, not sexual misconduct. Though she was 15 and Kavanaugh was 17 at the time in the 1980s, she doesn’t remember some key details such as the house they were in. She was on her way to the bathroom when Kavanaugh and Judge attacked and shoved her into a bedroom. Yet, she recalls that everyone had one beer while Kavanaugh and Judge had been drinking more heavily.

Christine Blasey Ford didn’t tell anyone about the allegations with anyone until 2012 during a couples therapy session with her husband. She first reached out to her representative, Rep. Anna Eshoo and directly contacted Feinstein’s office. After repeatedly discussing the matter with both offices, Ford decided not to go public.

christine-blasey-ford-debbie-ramirez-tweet-1024x512

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford is certainly a hero in this case since her decision to go public with her sexual assault allegations against Judge Brett Kavanaugh led others to speak out. Here’s a tweet quoting Deborah Ramirez cheering her on.

On September 16, 2018, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford came forward in a Washington Post story. To corroborate her account, Ford provided the Post with a polygraph and session notes from her therapists from 2012. Though the therapist’s notes don’t name Kavanaugh, they record Ford’s claim being attacked by students “from an elitist boys’ school” who went on to become “highly respected and high-ranking members of society in Washington.” Both her husband and a friend have confirmed her claims. He friend told the Los Angeles Times that he’s witnessed the lasting trauma affect her life and her struggle to come forward with him in early July. He claimed that Ford was averse to purchasing a master bedroom without a second exit. According to him, “Obviously, something happened that traumatized her so much that she’s afraid of being trapped.”

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford had nothing to gain from her testimony on Judge Brett Kavanaugh. For coming forward with sexual assault allegations against powerful men can lead result in losing career and reputation. Ford has received death threats. She’s had to take time off from her job. She and her family were forced out of her home. She’s had to shut down her social media. She’s had to fly all the way from her Bay area home to Washington, which terrified her. She’s had to use therapist notes and pass lie detector tests just to be believed. Not to mention, Republicans have refused to take her story seriously for craven selfish and partisan reasons. While many conservatives have attacked her as an anti-Trump activist whose motives and biases are as suspicious as her Northern California address. At her hearing, Ford had to recall as much as she could remember to come across as credible. As she had to retain her composure describing that painful memory she spent years trying to forget in front of white old men who don’t care what she has to say while feeling like she could fly into an unstoppable rage inside. Nonetheless, he gutting testimony was compelling as her expertise as in clinical psychology shone through her explanations on how trauma works.

25YEARBOOK02-articleLarge-v4

Here’s Brett Kavanaugh’s 1982 yearbook entry from Georgetown Prep. It goes far from the Boy Scout image he’s tried to present at his hearing. More like a partying frat boy you’d want to punch in the face.

Nor is Dr. Christine Blasey Ford the only woman accusing Judge Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault. Shortly after she came forward, Deborah Ramirez told the New Yorker that in a drinking game during a 1983 dorm party at Yale, Kavanaugh exposed his genitals to her and shoved his penis to her face. All without Ramirez’s consent as she pushed him away. Not long after that, Michael Avenatti published an affidavit signed by Julie Swetnick who claimed attended a parties during high school where Kavanaugh plotted with friends to drug and “gang rape” girls. And that Kavanaugh was present she was gang raped at a party. Yet, she doesn’t explicitly say whether he participated. There are also plenty of witnesses who can corroborate on Ford and Ramirez. Two of Ramirez’s classmates can recall hearing about Kavanaugh’s indecent exposure, with one recalling several of the same details. His fraternity had a very shady reputation. In Ford’s case, aside from the therapist notes and polygraph tests, there’s even more evidence. Mark Judge’s memoir of his high school days at least recalls Kavanaugh’s underage drinking and partying. Kavanaugh’s high school calendar details numerous beach trips, parties with friends, and times he was “grounded.” In addition, his high school yearbook entry listed him as Keg City Club treasurer along with terms like “boof,” “devil’s triangle,” and “Renate Alumnius.”

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s decision to come forward was a civic duty for she really doesn’t want a man who put her through the worst time of her life sit on the highest court in the nation. Or at least an FBI investigation to clear her memory which she asked for repeatedly. And I think it’s a reason that should concern us all. After all, statistics show that most incidents of rape and sexual assault go unreported and ignored. And out all reported incidents, only 6% of rapist are subject to any meaningful consequences. Most victims of sexual assault don’t come forward because those who do, often face scrutiny by an unsympathetic crowd, especially if the perpetrator is a pillar in the community, partner, a boss, or family member. Should the assailant have any power, then expect people rallying to defend them. When a woman’s sexually assaulted, people often see her situation as her fault. They say that she’s a slut and shouldn’t be screwing multiple men. They say she shouldn’t have been around men or be so sexually aggressive. They say that she should’ve dressed more modestly or danced less provocatively. They talk about how she drank too much. They remark on how Johnny’s a good boy who’d never go to town on an unconscious woman near a dumpster. Or how Chrissy’s “false” rape accusation is laden with ulterior motives of revenge for not asking her out to the prom. So we can’t have her sexual assault allegation ruin Kevin’s chances of getting into a big name college on a football scholarship. Or how we don’t want
to ruin Damien’s future despite that he tried to force himself on Shelley who’s set for a lifetime of trauma.Many women have faced death threats coming forward. Some have lost their jobs. Some have even faced criminal charges in falsely reporting a crime. Some had family, friends, and community turn against them. Some have had their reputations ruined and received death threats. While others are often ignored by law enforcement as the perpetrator goes on with his life without repercussions. As society teaches girls and women that they’re responsible for preventing rape because boys and men can’t control themselves and that they should accept their egregious behavior as normal, which is utter bullshit and insulting on multiple levels. For if men were truly unable to control their sexual urges, then how could priests remain celibate and husbands be unfaithful to their wives? Thus, it’s glaringly apparent that when they say, “boys will be boys,” they’re telling girls, “don’t expect boys to be responsible for violating you, since they matter more than you. And if they do anything to you that leaves any lasting trauma and suffering that’s not a big deal, it’s your fault. So shut up.” Sexual assault and harassment may be common, but that doesn’t mean it’s normal. And it’s certainly not right.

I have never been sexually assaulted. Mostly because I didn’t go to a lot of parties during my high school and college years. But I’ve been bullied all through my school days. I’ve been sexually harassed on multiple occasions by many immature classmates in middle and high school. And I’ve endured humiliation while many of my fellow schoolmates laughed on. I was constantly told to ignore it despite that I found it impossible. I was often upset that these people didn’t care about my feelings. I was angry that they didn’t listen to me whenever I told them to cut it out or take my pleas seriously. And even if I did tell a teacher about it, I knew it would only be a matter of time they’d start again. To deal with it day after day is often exhausting and frustrating. Fortunately, I wasn’t too traumatized by the whole thing and was glad it all ended by the time I went to college. Yet, I’m sure I have some scars that I had to suffer in silence so as not to draw attention to myself.

Kavanaugh-TV-Interview-750x400

Here we have Brett Kavanaugh with his wife during a Fox News damage control interview. Even at this angle, he appears kind of creepy to me.

In addition, I become furious whenever I see a smart capable woman like Hillary Clinton and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford having to put up being bullied by privileged and terrible men who deserve no place in the halls of power. During the presidential debates between Clinton and Donald Trump, I often saw myself in Clinton trying to get her vision across to the American people. Only for Trump to blurt out stupid shit about her dirty laundry and getting all the attention. He clearly had no interest in government policy. He only wanted to take Clinton down in the most humiliating way possible while drowning out whatever she had to say in the media. To see Clinton having to deal with all this shit really makes my blood boil. When I saw Judge Brett Kavanaugh lash out over the sexual assault allegations against him as liberal part to take him down, I was reminded by how many guys have treated me the same way. Seeing the kind of hell Ford had to go through, I believe her. While I was lucky enough not to experience sexual assault, I know what it’s like having people laugh at you when you’re in a state of misery.

With a man like Judge Brett Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court, he can rule on cases relating to sexual assault and other misconduct for decades to come. The fact that he’s already a federal judge is extremely disturbing since he’s in a position of great power and influence. When it comes to sexual assault cases, judges have been especially lenient to white male perpetrators like Steubenville football players and Brock Turner. As a man born into wealth with an Ivy League pedigree and groomed to ascend to the highest court in the land as a conservative ideologue, Kavanaugh perpetuates and benefits from this kind of good-old-boy favoritism in the justice system on sexual assault cases. They may sympathize with these scions and prominent citizens. And thus, may be compelled to give these rich guys a more generous ruling than they deserve. All while having no concern for the women who’ve been harmed in the act and suffer in the legal proceedings with justice denied.

I am used to Supreme Court picks being partisan bloodbaths. But once a nominee is accused of sexual assault and other egregious misbehavior, they are automatically disqualified no questions asked. After all, sexual assault allegations would get you disqualified from many low-income jobs for obvious reasons. The Supreme Court shouldn’t be any different. Obviously, 11 Republican senators on the Judiciary Committee didn’t see it that way and now Judge Brett Kavanaugh has moved to a full Senate confirmation once the FBI investigation is over. Yet, after Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony and Kavanaugh’s explosive temper tantrum, it’s disturbingly clear that these old white men had already made up their minds. They don’t care about whether Kavanaugh has the character to be a fair and impartial judge. They know he’s a conservative hack job who’d give them and their corporate donors favorable rulings on every issue you can imagine. Yet, they can just as easily ask Kavanaugh to withdraw and have Donald Trump nominate another conservative judge who hasn’t sexually assaulted anyone. But no.

donald-trump-quote

The fact Donald Trump bragged about sexual assault and Republicans still elected him president gives you all you need to know about the GOP and sexual harassment and assault. At least when it happens to one of their own. I’m sure they view the sexual assault allegations against Judge Brett Kavanaugh the same way.

Nevertheless, the Republicans’ willingness to put Judge Brett Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court shows how far they’ve fallen since they’ve embraced Donald Trump as their leader. At some level, Republicans may see sexual harassment and assault as morally wrong. But at another level, they don’t necessarily see it as a big enough deal or problem people should care about. When Trump was caught bragging about sexual assault on that Hollywood Access bus tape, a whole bunch of Republicans abandoned him fearing he was about to lead the party into an electoral disaster. Only to drop the matter entirely as soon as Trump proved his doubters wrong. Not a single Congressional Republican expressed the slightest interest in hearing from Trump’s accusers, looking into their accusations in any way, or otherwise seeking to find the truth of the matter. Republicans can appear appalled when it’s expedient to do so, particularly in regards Bill Clinton’s extramarital affairs. But they’ll pretend the whole thing never happened when it serves their interests. And that’s a pattern. When a top Fox News executive was drummed out for covering up so many sexual harassment charges that his ongoing employment was a huge liability, the White House snatched him up. When White House Chief of Staff John Kelly heard that staff secretary Rob Porter abused 2 ex-wives and a former girlfriend, he tried keeping it quiet. When the Federalist Society asked a Republican PR firm to they contracted with to lend someone to Senator Chuck Grassley to run point communications for the Kavanaugh nomination, they sent a guy they knew was a sexual harasser who later quit when it came out. Sexual harassment and assault are things Republicans know they’re supposed to care about. But Republicans in the internal party structure don’t care about them. So they don’t do anything unless public opinion forces their hand. Unless it’s Arizona US Senator Jeff Flake being confronted by 2 sexual assault survivors, most Republicans don’t take sexual assault seriously when the accusations surround one of their own.

GettyImages-1041953998

Remember, kids, anything you do will be on your permanent record. Also, just because you’re born into wealth and privilege doesn’t mean you’re entitled to a Supreme Court seat. In addition, if you act like this at your job interview, no one’s going to hire you. Still, Judge Brett Kavanaugh burst into fury and viciously denied being the frat boy back in his high school and college days. While being a lying sack of shit who doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and shouldn’t get a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court.

Yet, what I find most unsettling with Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s character than the sexual assault allegations is how he reacted to them. Not only did he deny sexually assaulting Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, he claimed he didn’t know her. Despite that she testified that she went out with one of his close friend who’s mentioned in his now notorious calendar 13 times. Furthermore, he cast himself as the clean-cut choir boy he wasn’t. Sure he drank, but not to the point where it affected his memory (despite that multiple classmates said he was a heavy drinker and an aggressive drunk, including his former roommate at Yale). And that he could legally drink in Maryland was legal in 1982 (he couldn’t). He may have had inside jokes, but never demeaned women (despite his “Renate Alumnius” entry was a sexist smear on a teenage girl’s promiscuity). While he enjoyed a lively social life, church always came first (though we can’t prove this. Yet, I bet he showed up to Sunday Mass with a hangover). Oh, and he was a virgin in both high school and college (despite that he tried to get into a girl’s pants and may have participated in gang rapes). Now I don’t think heavy drinking and partying during one’s school days isn’t disqualifying for the Supreme Court or any other high office. But not being honest about one’s frat boy past is, given that Kavanaugh has repeatedly lied to the Senate Judiciary Committee as well.

brett-kavanaugh-christine-blasey-ford-hearing-20

Seeing Judge Brett Kavanaugh being denied a Supreme Court seat will set a powerful example to young men that actions have real consequences. And that sexual conduct without consent is not okay. But seeing that Republicans want to confirm him regardless of whether the allegations are true, I have good reason to worry that won’t happen. Because when it comes to sexual harassment and assault allegations against fellow Republicans, Republicans don’t care.

But more disturbingly, Judge Brett Kavanaugh called the circus around his sexual assault allegations, “a calculated and orchestrated political hit, fueled with apparent pent-up anger about President Trump and the 2016 election, fear that has been unfairly stoked about my judicial record, revenge on behalf of the Clintons, and millions of dollars in money from outside left-wing opposition groups.” Obviously, he doesn’t acknowledge his drinking or the harm he might’ve inflicted on Ford’s life. He said these words with the entitled vicious rage of an alcoholic guy who’s used to getting his own way. And now he’s just learning like the rest of us did a long time ago that life isn’t fair and he can’t stand that. Furthermore, he’s a Trump-like partisan who feels entitled to say and do whatever he wants, uses emotional bullying and intimidation to get his way, and who doesn’t take responsibility for his actions. Whether Kavanaugh is confirmed or not, a large share of the American public will never trust him as impartial. While most will continue to see him as the privileged, arrogant, and self-righteous prick he’s revealed himself to be. The US Senate must not confirm this unrepentant asshole to our nation’s highest court. For like America Ferrera, I am sick of seeing capable, intelligent, and credible women come up against whiny, incompetent men-children and be suppressed. The matter of Kavanaugh’s confirmation isn’t just a vote. But rather a referendum of who we are as a nation. What are we willing to accept and where are we, really? And how much longer will women’s lives and dignity be secondary to the needs of powerful men? Confirming Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court will send the wrong message to women and girls that their concerns don’t matter. His nomination must not continue any further.

Project - Drawing 1

The Wonderful World of Scarecrows (Fourth Edition)

e572006445f3537ea870af8a28fb3813.jpg

Now that it’s fall, it’s the season for scarecrows. Though I’m not sure if any of these can actually scare crows away from your garden vegetables or crops. Or at least once the birds pick at it and realize it’s just a mere figure of straw and old clothes that doesn’t do much of anything. Yet, people still make them anyway for their fall décor. There are even contests. Most of these consists of a mannequin dressed in old clothes and stuffed with straw. Yet, you’ll find a few made of metal and other materials. Some don’t even have clothes on at all. Of course, some people decide to get creative with these guys. So some of them can be well beyond the farmer image we’re used to. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of delightful scarecrows for the fall.

  1. Birds better watch out for this woman in black.
1ce37953e27df4bb8db7022edfa43421

Indeed, she has red hair. Yet, she could be a witch for all you know.

2. There’s nothing like an afternoon tea in the garden.

1fa8920bd639de725fc2efd8bda51771

Each lady has a bouquet of flowers on her lap. Also, love their hats.

3. I guess his name is either “Buckethead” or “Metalman.”

2a9c92679ecbe68602407804738dfbc0

Well, he has a bucket for a head. But his trunk mostly consists of a trash can. While his limbs are air pipes.

4. Sometimes you don’t need an old skirt if straw will do.

2f3f22f9df7b4618e370fcfe04cab1f8

The only clothing she has is a shawl full of holes. Yet, you have to like her straw dress and hat.

5. Have room for an old crow?

3a095b9b1469fdcd48083b864af17693

This one has a crow head. While crows are normally sharp, this one doesn’t have a lot of fashion sense.

6. You will be delighted with this happy chef.

3b966f0210fd935a8b73a8d55417a5d0

He’s made out of straw in a chef’s outfit. Yet, you won’t find him in any restaurant kitchen.

7.  “Yer a wizard, Harry.”

3cc3f9c21958fe844ab1daa321815dbc

These are Harry Potter and Hagrid. Yet, the Hagrid one kind of gives the creeps. Since he comes off as a frightening cult leader.

8. This woman has a rather colorful disposition.

3db28bd075be56970b55e0e9294217df

She has a rather loud coat draping her outfit. Yet, I love her hat the best.

9. You can’t doubt her flower power.

3e0b3ef4b75200cae4c70224ca89fc2c

She’s wearing a flower skirt with a flower sash and scarf. She even has flower eyes.

10. I have to admit, her skirt is quite trashy.

4aed499fbb7d730e1ec4f454345742b0

Okay, her skirt is a trash can and chicken wire. Yet, her head is a real can.

11. “I call this number, ‘Pumpkin Spice Blues.'”

4d22df7536dffd17f4480256aef1b3f5

Just a scarecrow with a guitar. You’d almost think he’s actually singing.

12. This gardener is all tin cans.

4dba412bd8d14ccba0fabef64c9507bb

Seems more tin man than the Tin Man. And you don’t even need oil for him either. Though he’s prone to rust.

13. All she wants to do is sit and knit.

4df0e91941cdeeab37ea5bc6d8f9608e

Seems like she’s knitting a scarf. Yet, please don’t watch. Since it just seems weird.

14. This bonnie lass always loves tending her garden.

6d486b96bc8c020c39bfc11c86997d02

She wears a tam, kilt, boots, and a sweater. So she can tend in all kinds of weather.

15. Seems like this guy has gone to the pond.

7b66bfb8b254db76104259f9b652188e

He’s just sitting down with a hoe across his lap. Not sure what he’ll use it for.

16. Bet you didn’t see this little scarecrow.

8e5f5e565caf7002326987c535cc16a6

She even carries her own security blanket. Though I’m sure this is made out of old clothes for small children.

17. Don’t mind her. She’s just taking notes.

9a65b7679552ba257995f779160aa554

She’s supposed to be a schoolgirl. Even has her own desk. So cute.

18. This pirate captain swings above his buried treasure.

16e51f84b68f79b9b7e3f6bca309df78

And who’s popping out from the treasure chest? However, remember that real pirates don’t have buried treasure since they didn’t expect to live very long.

19. You can surmise that she’s kind of flat.

37adf303ccc629413ac842d387a189a1

Well, she’s made from an ironing board with a pot head. And she’s holding a pot of flowers.

20. The flowers should always match the dress.

49c3e6767aac392837ff076d17860dbd

She has pink flowers on her hat while wearing a white dress with pink prints. I guess the hair is made of straw.

21. A straw hat goes well with a white dress.

63f02c17afce8799a96994a3eb0f951b

She holds a basket of flowers and stands next to a flower wagon. Love her hat.

22. Well, this pothead is sitting pretty.

72a2b3377210396b757505ea06bc4b70

This guy’s has a potted plant for a head. Still, that suit is snazzy.

23. He’s just a guy on top of his horse.

099c93c446b0a9687d00245cdce256eb

Yes, that horse is made out of straw, too. And the guy has a jack-o-lantern had.

24. Seems like this guy has quite the rabbit ears.

127ba8963e331382d0dc0f3073f3ebe5

Interesting, his head is an old TV. And he has a bunny in hand.

25. Popeye always stays at port with his Olive Oyl.

587d0791535423b9b558c8485e01f948

Here they are in their cartoon glory. Popeye even has a can of spinach.

26. Didn’t think I’d see a cowboy on his own lawn.

631a6f65a57ed49f948157eabf2833ad

Kind of reminds me of Woody from Toy Story for some reason. By the way, the gray cloth things are either guns or hands.

27. Guess he’s a goalie for H.E. Double Hockey Sticks.

2663d25f4b18715ddb34d8ae65c0f2af

He’s supposed to be an undead hockey player. Though he will only skate when hell freezes over.

28. You’d almost think they’re well-dressed country bears.

7274aa564ec32b512aab909ebc09e881

They’re bear scarecrows in suits. Love their hats. So adorable.

29. With Tinkerbell’s fairy dust, Peter Pan can fly.

2190911b3a44ef1b7e1a3650e90dcc1f

Yet, Peter Pan is a really creepy story. Yet, this is a good likeness.

30. This guy’s rather sunny.

8222370fad028cc55aa4d6fceff64687

He’s dressed in white with Easter eggs in front of him. But you have to love his sunflower mane.

31. Sometimes you got to make a big impression.

9088397a9a704b9eda892a72a3283db6

Well, a giant scarecrow will certainly scare the birds away. Despite that he seems kind of friendly if you ask me.

32. Apparently, this orange man’s about to go on a Twitter rant.

22688596_513773892315884_2359036398837368850_n

Yes, that’s an angry pumpkin-headed Donald Trump screaming over not getting his way, again. Complete with tiny doll hands. This is perfect.

33. There’s something divine about this broom angel.

5551173583704a05de46ec4255bf0b96

She has her halo and wings. While she demonstrates her hospitality through a fan.

34. This seems like a job for Sir Pumpkinhead.

a66a8038497b674867a67f5fddd3dd2d

You’d think they’d have a scarecrow Renaissance Festival with this guy. Yet, he’s not wearing a helmet.

35. How much longer do you think this guy will stay on the fence?

a71cb674fcba82b30cb09364af82ce20

This is a Humpty Dumpty scarecrow. But when he falls, you can’t put him back together again.

36. Hope you don’t bale on this scarecrow.

a245d5871a782b8542e765a3ebff1e7f

He’s made out of hay. Has bales for a head and body. Square bales for arms.

37. You’d be board if you don’t view this lady in red.

a5720a89fb88605d7b92de816cf5943d

Well, she’s made out of wood planks. But she carries a fork and birdhouse just the same.

38. She comes outside in her straw hat and blue raincoat.

a51926990407e6155a6f0e1edbf34c85

And here she’s on the side of the road with yellow flowers in her hands. Still, she’s so lovely.

39. This scarecrow’s sawing logs.

b3fde48f33fc6dc1033573f53881e42d

And he’s using am manual saw. Mostly because you wouldn’t use a chainsaw in a scarecrow display.

40. Even a fall bride should have a sensational gown.

b8ba038a56ca5c344e7afd921ede7725

Wonder if that’s an old wedding dress. Wouldn’t be surprise. But her head is a pumpkin.

41. Hope you enjoy this scarecrow clown.

b16ddb75e7928a288b7e53ce723b9e8a

On second thought, he’s kind of creepy. Wonder if he can give Pennywise a run for his money.

42. They always wanted a seaside wedding.

bba7fc5eb2e07cbc5ed33277adb69f89

Well, the seaside seems hardly picturesque. But the bride is exquisitely stunning.

43. You’d think she was a certified flower child.

cc0130115b43122f089c7145eb08d159

She stands with high boots and shorts. While smiling as her long blond hair drapes onto her shoulders.

44. Strange to see promgoers during the daytime.

d111cf9cb03d0c3d9d247b486e4eff75

The three are under an umbrella. Wonder if those are actually prom dresses.

45. This scarecrow is all plastic.

dc350bd31ee994f87dd6fa0b977c5894

Well, almost all plastic. But everything about him is recycled for sure.

46. “Open wide.”

Dentist1Scarecrows

Fittingly enough these dentist scarecrows are in front of a dentist office. Guess they want to drum up business.

47. Nobody can resist a girl with an umbrella skirt.

e2fec151e2e85b9f65e556c08435fd88

Her skirt is even embroidered with flowers and butterflies. She also wears a hat of leaves.

48. This scarecrow is all pots.

e3bba604007db04aac51c750187e806a

This one has a flower pot body with straw at the edges. Love the straw headdress.

49. Perhaps you might want to meet a lady from under the sea.

e5e545a41685d1652638673b7171ad80

She’s supposed to be Ariel from The Little Mermaid. Or at least inspired by her. Yet, her hair has seashells while her fish tail is covered with CD scales.

50. There’s nothing like hanging out at Snoopy’s doghouse.

2012ScareCrows(12)_thumb

This is a scarecrow display of Peanuts. Yet, Charlie Brown wears a prize ribbon. Must’ve impressed the judges enough.

51. This wooden lady’s got a flower pot in each hand.

f025c9c772a511eddeb25811b1d29430

Here she holds them high though the plants are dying. Still, she rocks that straw hat.

52. Heard this guy was quite the rake.

f92f4899b3d9a96ef8e9fbdd225ddafa

Well, a green rake with autumn leaves. But he’s adorable just the same with his sunflower eyes.

53. Looks like he’s struck out with the baseball in his mouth.

f506d43b3d54c8009fa76dc8518d3db0

This is from Disneyland in California, by the way. And yes, he plays for the Scarecrows.

54. This scarecrow has gone to the next hole.

f959ad946d7e7fe8aae46a4d6708c68b

Not sure how he’s doing. But at least he’s not golfing at a Trump property.

55. Apparently, the news seems to be on the Dark Side.

fd1606ad16a637bbf84819536626b9b6

Had to put a Darth Vade scarecrow at some point. The cape is made out of a trash bag, by the way.

56. With him, there are always springs attached.

fff580176c9a67d25ffaeef2693b479d

Since he mainly consists of a mattress frame. I’m sure he’ll scare the crows in the patch.

57. Apparently, this pickup truck has gone haywire.

MechanicScrecrow

But don’t worry, a straw mechanic is on the job. Sure his head is made of pumpkin, but you get that.

58. You have to love a dad who goes out with his kids.

P1030012(1)

Here he’s with his kids dressed in their costumes. Though he and his older son are real jug heads.

59. Apparently, Gulliver has 99 problems at Liliput.

Rennington_Scarecrow_Festival_-_2007_-_geograph.org.uk_-_625521

This is a takeoff of Gulliver’s Travels. Yet, you have to admire whoever managed to pull this display off.

60. Got phone problems? This guy’s on the job.

Scarecrows_2013_013

Though he’s not on a telephone pole. Yet, this is quite amazing to see.

61. She’s just as simple country girl of the dirt.

5af709da73651890eb0377c1188834cf

She wears a gingham dress and apron with a straw hat. And she brings her own gardening gloves.

62. These undead Mexicans are in the mood for some tequila.

banner-home-sombreros-1

Bet this is to commemorate Dia de los Muertos. Love the roses in their mouths.

63. “Quoth the scarecrow, ‘Nevermore.'”

EDGAR-ALLEN-SCAREPOE

Yes, Edgar Allan Scarepoe himself. Comes with a raven and tell-tale heart per his stories.

64. Don’t mind the old lady and her pink camel.

57cf356863a4d4618f82b8ba1451085f

Indeed, it’s quite cartoonish looking with the woman’s long nose. But it’s quite original and clever that she won a prize.

65. These scarecrows know that fall is leaf raking time.

scarecrows-raking-leaves-56a583925f9b58b7d0dd3f49

And they got the rakes out and are ready to roll. Yet, one rides in the wheelbarrow.

66. He’d like to try some Alpine skiing.

Scarecrow-Festival-13-600x450

Though I’m not sure if that’s feasible. Since skiing is a winter activity.

67. You’d expect these ladies to sing their hearts out.

FrankJacksonStateParkScarecrowsinthePark5

They’re a scarecrow chorus. Choir robes and all.

68. Seems like this wedding is a rather straw occasion.

IMG_0235-810x605

This is a take off for the royal wedding. Not sure if it’s for Prince William or Prince Harry though.

69. “Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!”

JS46311676

Well, they’re supposed to be Mexican banditos. And their sombreros are made of straw.

70. Guess we got a pothead family on our hands.

th

Guess the pots run in the family. Yet, their hair goes in all directions.

71. Bet these scarecrows make you want to rock and roll all night.

AR-311029984

They’re KISS scarecrows. Each one has a white pumpkin head with their face on it.

72. This Mexican lady has looks to die for.

Scarecrow3-web

Well, she is kind of dead as you can see. Since she’s a scarecrow for Dia de los Muertos.

73. Nothing beats roasting marshmallows at the campfire.

59e81a0b67d53.image

These are just Boy Scouts camping. But they seem to have good time.

74. You wouldn’t like this scarecrow when he’s angry.

The-Hulk-Scarecrow

This is a scarecrow Hulk. And yes, his shirt is ripped and bursting with straw.

75. Anyone would love to see an autumn fairy in the garden.

photos.medleyphoto.3960599

She’s decked in a tie-dye dress of autumn colors. And wears a mask of gold with a leaf crown.

76. Dracula wants to suck her blood.

59d44183cf666.image

Yet, he seems quite alive in the daytime. Thought vampires hate the sun.

77. You’ll have no worries with this scarecrow.

NMS-Scarecrows-Coming-Next-Weekend-2016-First-Place-Winner-Hakunna-Matata-Lion-King

Well, it’s supposed to be a scarecrow of Simba from The Lion King. His mane is made of yarn.

78. She’s just getting her hair done at the salon.

da8ca87006-marge-scarecrow.jpg.960x720_q80

Here she sits with curlers in her hair. While her locks are blow dried.

79. This activist wants you to save the pumpkins.

breast-cancer-authority-garden-scarecrow-ideas

Well, she’s for breast cancer awareness. The pumpkins are boobs.

80. With scarecrows like these, you’d want to say, “cowabunga!”

photo49-640x360

These are scarecrow Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And yes, they come with pizza.