Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours on Christmas Memories (Fifth Edition)

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During my first year in college, my mom took pictures of me and my sister outside to pose in photos with the dog, Diamond. My mom would later use one of the black and white pictures for our Christmas card that year.

For many, there’s no place like home during the holiday season. Since how else will you get those presents? Okay, I’m kidding. Still, Christmas is a time we spend with our families or our in-laws if you’re my dad. Seriously, my parents never had any debate on whose relatives to visit during the holidays since it was always my mom’s relatives. Because most of my dad’s relatives were either dead or lived far away along with being distantly related. Besides, when my Grandma C was alive, we’d take her with us. Anyway, when it comes to the holidays, we expect to have rosy memories with nice little photos to go with them. But human nature being what it is, things don’t always go that way. After all, I’ve managed to do 4 of these posts thanks to Awkward Family Photos. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy Christmas memories thanks to Awkward Family Photos. Enjoy.

  1. You can’t have a Christmas portrait without including the family dog.
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Though I don’t know about this arrangement. Seriously, the guy’s disembodied head is just weird.

2. It always helps to pose wearing your ugly sweater.

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Though they don’t seem to smile in the foreground. In fact, their faces in the background seems to represent happier times.

3. Don’t forget to pose with the lapdogs.

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You can see that these people are stinking rich as hell. And I’m sure they don’t look after the dogs themselves. Talk about excess.

4. There are some ugly sweaters more embarrassing than others.

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The guy just feels like, “Holy shit, my whole family’s going to see me in this in our Christmas card. God, I hope our kids don’t see this someday.”

5. Apparently, this fly on the wall has a camera.

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You can see that nobody wants to pose for the photo here. Cue the guy whose head you can’t see.

6. There’s always someone in the family who doesn’t smile.

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Apparently, they didn’t have photoshop back then. So a cutout of Dad’s smile was included.

7. “At least I didn’t get that ugly cat sweater.”

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Indeed, the cat shirts are ugly. But the dark haired girl is greatly embarrassed.

8. These kids celebrate Christmas on the streets.

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This family did a Jersey Shore themed Christmas card portrait with their kids. Don’t ask.

9. And that’s one on the nose.

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Well, the kid received a new pair of boxing gloves. So what do you expect?

10. Always mind the shadows.

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The woman on the left seems like she’s evil incarnate and about to chase children with an axe. The other two may just be her minions.

11. The first Christmas since the lobotomy is always the hardest.

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Okay, I know this is kind of mean. But I have to admit that the boy looks like a zombie for some reason.

12. I think Dad might want to avoid the local bar scene for awhile.

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I mean the guy has 2 black eyes, I had to invent something. Still, the baby’s angry look is utterly priceless.

13. You’re never too old to see Santa Claus.

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Actually, you can as you see with these middle-aged women. Whereas, Santa is like, “This doesn’t seem part of my job description.”

14. Since ugly sweaters have become popular, many take selfies wearing them.

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Those are supposed to be 3 deer humping. Also, how old is this guy? Cause he looks like a teenager.

15. “Did I just throw something?”

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It’s definitely the kid on the left. Also, what kind of parent makes their kids pose with a utility heater? Seriously, what the hell?

16. Apparently, the visit to Santa didn’t go as expected.

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The kid looks pretty glum since he probably didn’t want to be there. While the Santa looks pretty shady, especially with those glasses.

17. “Look out, frisbee!”

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Yet, the family seems quite oblivious to the situation with the dad kind of falling asleep. Not something you’d want in a Christmas card.

18. “Goalie gloves? Oh, you shouldn’t have.”

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I think the gloves were a joke gift. In any case, she didn’t find it funny.

19. Don’t be afraid to get your feet in the water.

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I know this is for a Christmas card. Yet, the kids just want to be as far from the parents as possible.

20. The family that dresses together stays together.

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But white turtlenecks? Seriously, that’s kind of tacky.

21. That present seems oddly strategically placed.

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That present is just as big as the kid. Wonder what’s in it that makes one want to open it.

22. “Mom likes you best.”

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The little boy just can’t seem to smile for the camera. Though he enviously looks at his brother who his parents see as practically perfect in every way.

23. “Quick get in the photo!”

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Apparently, she didn’t get in the picture in time. While a guy just looks into his phone. Seriously, they could’ve just took a selfie or get Jessie’s boyfriend to take the picture.

24. “Smile for the camera, kiddos.”

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From Awkward Family Photos: “My sister and I thought it might be a good idea to have our kids’ photos taken as a Christmas present for my mom. With two hungry, tired newborn babies and a bored 3 year old, it was quite possibly the worst day of our lives. This was the best pic we could get of all three of them.”

25. When Santa freaks the baby out so much he pees his pants.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “My youngest son peed all over Santa at the moment this picture was being taken, and Santa had some ‘choice words’ at that moment too. Meanwhile, my oldest son doesn’t know where a wristwatch goes.”

26. Timmy seems very proud of his ugly Christmas sweater this year.

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So they have sweater like that in child size? Seriously, the boy’s grandma will not be amused. His grandpa on the other hand…

27. The holidays are a time to be merry.

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Yet, this family seems quite depressed for some reason. Guess you can’t have a merry Christmas every year.

28. When your Christmas card picture goes totally wrong.

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Seems like everyone is doing their own thing in this picture. Then again, it’s quite difficult to get children to sit still.

29. No child is ever too young for parents to embarrass.

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Doesn’t help that the dad has no idea how to pose at the fireplace. While the girl doesn’t seem to be having it.

30. When you and your relatives get the same sports bra for Christmas.

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Well, this is certainly awkward. Also, who the hell thinks a bra as a Christmas present is a good idea?

31. Perhaps the jammie pose wasn’t a good idea.

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Most of the time, the dad wears long johns. Yet, he shouldn’t have put his hand between his legs.

32. Talk about falling flat on your face.

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Yet, her sister smiles and holds her giant ornament for the camera. Acting as if nothing had happened.

33. “A Rough Rider BB Gun? Just what I always wanted.”

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This is from A Christmas Story. And yes, Mom and Randy are worried about Ralphie shooting his eye out.

34. When the cork pops at the exact wrong moment.

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Yes, that hit him right in the eye. Hope he can explain his shiner on New Years.

35. There’s a reason why men shouldn’t do Christmas cards.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “My wife left the Christmas cards to me. She designed the front, but didn’t know about the back until all 50+ cards were shipped.”

36. There’s no better Christmas party than a solo party.

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Yes, she photoshopped pictures of herself into one room. Kind of pathetic, actually.

37. Christmas is always the happiest time of year.

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Wonder if this couple is spending their last Christmas together. Since the woman holding the doll doesn’t seem too pleased in this picture.

38. This year’s Christmas card theme: The Grinch.

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Though I’m not sure if the dad makes a convincing Grinch. Like the hairdos.

39. When your parents want you to settle down.

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Yeah, you can guess she has no man and no job. Of course, my parents will probably give me books like this sometime soon.

40. “But, Grandma, I don’t want to play Little Red Riding Hood.”

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Wait until you see her brother dressed as the wolf. Seriously, you don’t want to venture into a dark forest in that.

41. Now that doesn’t seem like responsible parenting.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “This is a photo of my brother’s family. We were trying to get a nice Christmas card photo, and my brother was getting rid of his beer so it wouldn’t be in the picture. He wasn’t fast enough.”

42. “Didn’t they ask you not to wear your Hulk shirt?”

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That doesn’t seem appropriate for a family Christmas photo. But Uncle Larry owns a comic book store and doesn’t seem to care.

43. Wonder what Justin Timberlake got in his Christmas present.

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This was back when he was in ‘NSYNC. Now he just looks ridiculous. While his present seems to resemble box of wine.

44. When your family makes an ornament of you suffering in the snow.

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That’s not something you put in a Christmas ornament. Wonder how that girl’s putting up with that.

45. When your Christmas photo gets a rude surprise.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “We took the kids to take pictures with Santa. Needless to say we were shocked as we scrolled through the photos and saw our daughter’s middle finger up with her head turned and smiling.”

46. Hope you had a better Christmas than this family.

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Yes, this is another Christmas Story card shot. One of the kids wears a pink bunny outfit.

47. Apparently, someone looked into Hannibal Lecter’s fridge.

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Don’t worry, those aren’t human remains. They’re just reserved for humans.

48. Unfortunately, Susie’s visit with Santa did not go well.

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While little Petey has peed his pants. Indeed, it’s not unusual for kids to be afraid of Santa.

49. “Now, Dylan, we don’t clutch our crotches in the picture.”

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From Awkward Family Photos: “Siblings Xmas photo circa 1980. I’m the one grabbing my crotch. This is the picture my parents chose to display.”

50. Sometimes it’s best to keep the dogs as far apart as possible.

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Since they’re basically humping in front of everyone to their dismay. Because dogs don’t care about privacy and photo ops.

51. Keep in mind when making signs that spacing is important.

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Because you get signs like this. By the way, that’s supposed to be “wise men” not “semen.”

52. Someone is scared of the Krampus.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “This year a local costume shop was offering Krampus photos if you bring your own camera. Not much advertising, so no line when we arrived, just a guy in a suit and this lovely setup. My son is 5 and decided he wasn’t into taking a photo — no surprise — so he just look bummed out the whole time. Works for me.”

53. They seem to start so young, do they?

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Sophie may only be a few months old. But she already knows some ways of expressing herself, particularly in her disgust.

54. Rosie always comes prepared on Christmas.

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Since she’s hung an abnormally large Christmas stocking. Since she wants a lot of stuff this year.

55. Apparently, someone isn’t shy about where those presents really come from.

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So someone got the presents from Target. Though that’s not what you’re supposed to write on a present.

56. It’s going to be a dark Christmas indeed.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “Merry Christmas from your friendly, neighborhood mall goths. 2005.”

57. “No, I don’t want to sit on your lap, Santa.”

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From Awkward Family Photos: “We took my daughter to get her yearly photo with Santa and when Santa asked what she’d like for Christmas she said a ‘pink’ doll. He couldn’t hear her color choice and she then very politely stuck her middle finger up and shouted ‘pink, like this!’ She had on pink fingernail polish at the time.”

58. Christmas always brings in warm smiles.

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Indeed, only one of the girls is smiling for the photo. The others, not so much.

59. Hope you have a Grinch-free holidays.

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This is another Grinch Christmas card. Notice how they didn’t quite remove the makeup in the other picture.

60. When your nose runs, it just won’t stop.

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Someone give Jimmy a Kleenex. Cause that’s just plain gross.

61. Always make a holiday entrance in lights.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “A couple of years ago my daughter had surgery on both of her legs over Christmas break. Tired of being cooped up in the house she decided last minute she wanted to go to a Christmas party with her church youth group. We scrambled for ideas for the costume competition and settled on her being a ballerina from The Nutcracker (her sister went as a nutcracker). This was taken midway through the party when I’m pretty sure she was exhausted and maybe the pain meds started wearing off. Either way, her friends decided to make her a bit more festive and this is the end result.”

62. There are Thank You notes and there’s this.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “My husband’s uncle didn’t like one of the gifts we got him for Christmas so he sent it back to us with this letter. I don’t think we’ll get him anything at all next year.”

63. Uh, those aren’t exactly Christmas socks.

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More like 420 socks. If you don’t know what that is, Google it and be astonished by the term.

64. “Dad, for God’s sake, get a shirt on.”

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From Awkward Family Photos: “Before our son left for the Navy we decided to take one last family vacation. Hawaii seemed perfect, however our 13-year-old daughter was less than pleased the entire trip and refused to wear shorts or anything else weather appropriate. My husband insisted on a family photo and this was the best we could do.”

65. Why not celebrate all the holidays on Christmas?

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From Awkward Family Photos: “For our annual Christmas card one year, my dad decided it would be a good idea to showcase ALL of the holidays. Sancho the dog is Arbor Day.”

66. Husbands, whatever you do don’t give your wife a vacuum for Christmas.

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Because it’s guaranteed that she won’t like it. Seriously, just don’t.

67. “Here, take your screaming kid off from me.”

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From Awkward Family Photos: “This is me with Santa in 1975. I can’t tell who is more unhappy, me or him.”

68. “Please don’t put me on his lap!”

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From Awkward Family Photos: “My 4 year old son Jack had been asking to meet Santa. However, when we got to the mall he confessed he was nervous. When it was our turn he really didn’t want to at all, if you can’t tell.”

69. Amy knows a bad Santa when she sees one.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “We dug this gem up recently. None of us realized how creepy the Santa was except our baby sister. We still aren’t sure where the camera actually was.”

70. “Sorry, Al, but nobody’s going along with it.”

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From Awkward Family Photos: Ant Man “This portrait was taken at my family’s 2010 Christmas celebration, when we gathered from all over the USA. The guy in the ant costume is my husband. Respecting the industriousness and work ethic of the European Wood Ant, he believes everyone should emulate ants for the forthcoming year. He is the only person I know who celebrates this way.”

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Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree at the Ugly Sweater Party (Fifth Edition)

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Though I usually put a picture of myself in these ugly Christmas sweater posts, this year I’m opening with a generic picture. Mostly because I don’t have that many ugly sweaters in my closet. Nonetheless, you can see how ugly Christmas sweaters have risen from yuletide embarrassment to holiday party staple. In fact, there’s even a recent trend where companies have made these ugly Christmas sweaters on purpose as you can see above. Hell, we even have ugly Christmas sweater parties. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of ghastly holiday sweaters. Some of these may not be safe for work, by the way.

  1. Fans of Elf would love this Christmas sweater.
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Buddy the Elf said this line. Since he grew up in the North Pole as an elf.

2. A candy cane striped sweater should always have a tinsel wreath.

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Well, it’s green tinsel. Though I have to wonder whether it lights up.

3. Oh, deer.

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Indeed, these are 2 deer humping over the holidays. Wonder how they managed to withhold their sex drives during hunting season.

4. Fans of A Christmas Story will adore this holiday sweater.

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It’s the infamous leg lamp. Indeed, before that film’s release, it was basically something you’d find in a bar. Not anymore.

5. Perhaps you’d like a teddy bear on your Christmas sweater.

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This one has golden tinsel on the sleeves as well as presents and snowflakes. The bear wears a plaid onesie, too.

6. Best to get out the Christmas craft supplies.

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Yes, there’s am ugly Christmas sweater with craft stuff. Makes you wonder how the final product will turn out.

7. Ever heard of a Christmas llama with sunglasses?

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Here it wears a white and green scarf. And is that holly or mistletoe?

8. No Christmas sweater can have too many pointsettias.

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His sweater even depicts a bouquet. And I can’t tell whether he’s proud of it or utterly embarrassed.

9. Oh, no, it’s the Abominable Snowman!

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This guy has a sweater depicting those old Christmas specials from the 1960s. As the Bumble dons a Santa hat.

10. Take Christmas to the next level in an ugly Christmas suit.

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This one has pictures of Christmas icons. Even comes with a matching tie.

11. Christmas is always the season for sloth.

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This hoodie has a sloth on it. Donned in a Santa hat, it has a present for you.

12. You’ll run a gamut of emojis during the Christmas season.

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This one has faces in Santa hats with a variety of expressions. Some even have their tongues sticking out.

13. Nothing makes Christmas like a T-Rex.

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Though the dinosaurs died out long before Jesus was born. Includes rows of lights, candy canes, trees, and snowflakes.

14. On Christmas, Jesus is always the life of the party.

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Since Jesus is the birthday boy. Also, he wears a party hat, too.

15. Would you like a shot or a beer with Santa?

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Looks like Santa Claus may have a drinking problem. Hope he doesn’t get busted for flying his sleigh under the influence.

16. “Grandma got run over by a reindeer…”

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But this time the reindeer’s driving a car with a Christmas tree on top. Still, that’s pretty brutal.

17. Ever seen a mermaid Santa before?

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Yet, Santa seems to wear a seashell bra on his man boobs. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s pretty unsettling.

18. Feel free to wear what you want on your Christmas dress.

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Her dress is even trimmed iwth white boa feathers. While she even wears an animal print Santa hat.

19. Oh, look a talking Christmas tree.

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Says, “I don’t want your balls on me!!” I’m sure anyone over a certain age will get this one.

20. Santa always loves to show off his stuff.

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Apparently, the North Pole has fallen on tough times lately that Santa had to get a second gig. But at least he’s fully clothed.

21. Santa has a big package for you.

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If it’s Santa’s junk, then I don’t want it. Besides, doesn’t he have a Mrs. Claus to come home to?

22. This year, Christmas is out of this world.

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Since this Christmas sweater depicts an alien in a Santa hat. Makes me wonder how aliens could celebrate Christmas though.

23. Make this Christmas a Hamilton Christmas.

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I’m sure they made this because of the musical. Because Hamilton doesn’t have much to do with Christmas besides being on the $10 bill.

24. Never thought I’d see a Christmas squatch in a bikini.

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Then again, I’m sure that female sasquatches are possible. That is if sasquatches really exist.

25. Nothing makes the holidays like a sweater with dinosaurs.

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The dinosaurs are green wearing Santa hats. Some on their tails.

26. When it comes to Christmas trees, some wear it for the party.

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This woman wears a Christmas tree sweater with lights. While her Christmas tree hat is made of tinsel.

27. A Christmas sweater can never have too many trimmings.

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This one has golden tinsel and fake holly and poinsettias. Perfect for any tacky sweater party.

28. A Christmas cat always goes for the mice.

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Here the cat hangs on a tinsel wreath. While catnip hangs overhead.

29. Perhaps you might prefer a skirt of bows.

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This one is covered in gift bows. While the upper hem is edged with golden tinsel.

30. Want a game of Christmas pong?

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Well, it’s like beer pong. Except all the cups are on the guy’s Christmas sweater.

31. Nobody can wait to meet Santa.

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This one has Santa visiting the kids. And they’re all crying for presents.

32. You can always be a hit at Christmas with a hunting vest.

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This one has a large jingle bell and Rudolph in a stocking. While the vest is edged with garland.

33. Apparently, the Grinch can be quite handsy.

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Well, the hands are made from fuzzy feathers. So is the trim as you can see.

34. A Christmas tree always needs a star.

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Since she’s wearing a Christmas tree dress. While her star is in a headband.

35. Move over, Jon Snow, for Santa Claus is King of the North.

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Here he sits on his candy cane throne. Yet, the Whitewalkers have nothing on him.

36. Can Santa pass the eggnog to Jesus?

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But Santa is a selfish asshole. So Jesus isn’t exactly pleased for making a sign for Peace on Earth.

37. “Don’t eat me!”

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But Santa doesn’t really seem to care. While his friends abandon him.

38. Didn’t know you could wear a gingerbread house.

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Well, she’s wearing a gingerbread house dress. While the sides reveal a brick wall.

39. A Santa dress doesn’t always need sleeves.

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Here she wears gold bows and a belt. Though she wouldn’t last in the winter cold if she didn’t wear a coat.

40. Santa comes through the mountains on his light-up T-Rex.

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I know this is crazy. But if you like Christmas and Jurassic Park, this sweater is for you.

41. Bet you didn’t hear about the Christmas walrus.

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Well, walruses do live near the North pole. Though this one has a Santa hat and looks quite confused.

42. Talk about taking “ho, ho, ho” to a whole new level.

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Mainly since this sweater depicts a stripper. Not necessarily one you’d want to wear around your folks.

43. Merry Christmas from the laser breathing T-Rex.

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For the T-Rex should get all the presents. I know this one is pretty crazy in any case.

44. Nobody can resist a Christmas suit with puppies.

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This one has puppies in each red and green square. So he’ll get plenty of chicks at the party. Or so he thinks.

45. A poinsettia suit will really stand out.

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Here he holds a hobby horse for good measure. Though I think the suit makes him too bright for Hawaii.

46. She thinks she’s Santa’s favorite Ho.

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I don’t think that’s a good thing to be. Then again, it’s not meant to be serious.

47. A Christmas suit should always have ornaments and lights.

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After all, this is a Christmas tree camo suit. Though I’m not sure if he blends in.

48. A gingerbread man is ready to be baked.

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Yet, this is a Christmas sweater for potheads. Just look at the pot leaves to see.

49. Don’t forget to sleep in these yuletide boxers.

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This one has a tie somehow. While Santas are on the side. Not sure what to think of this.

50. Frosty the Snowman smokes a gangsta pipe.

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I think that’s supposed to be Snoop Dogg wearing this. Also, Frosty’s wearing a gold chain.

51. Zombies are no match for Santa Claus.

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Here you see Santa with an assault weapon in the woods. And yes, he’s a zombie sleighter. Get it?

52. Even reindeer can drink too much at a party.

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Apparently, this reindeer’s going to hurl. Didn’t know they party hard like that at the North Pole.

53. Now you can ride on Santa’s sleigh.

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This one has a reindeer body that you put your head in the hoody. Wonder if it has antlers on the hood.

54. Nothing makes Christmas like a cat on a slice of pizza.

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The pizza slices even travel through space. While one is decorated with ornaments.

55. A reindeer head should always have a wreath.

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This guy seems quite proud of himself. Includes baubles on the wreath. While the reindeer is plush.

56. “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”

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This is from A Christmas Story since Ralphie wants a BB gun. More of a jersey, but it counts.

57. Hope you have a merry Griswold Christmas.

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On the other hand, you might want to stay the hell away from the Griswolds during the holidays. Seriously, look what happened to their neighbors.

58. “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas…”

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Well, Betty White Christmas anyway. Other than one with snow, it’s the best kind of Christmas.

59. Even Santa Claus needs to take an occasional pit stop.

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Here Santa goes to the bathroom on the chimney. Either the kids have really been bad or the parent works for the Trump administration.

60. Megan Trainor always looks forward to your presents.

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Since there are presents on her Christmas dress. While her skirt is covered in holly and ornaments.

SantaCon Costumes Are Coming to Town (Fourth Edition)

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One controversial aspect of the Christmas season in the United States is SantaCon. In mid-December, revelers don yuletide costumes and gather in many cities in an annual pub crawl. The New York SantaCon has been termed, “a drunken shitshow” by Gothamist as well as received complaints by residents along with reports of public vomiting and urination. And it goes without saying that seeing a drunken Santa peeing on the street, puking in a nearby trash can, or doing a bunch of R-rated mischief to get in police custody might traumatize a young child for life. Nonetheless, we should concede that despite the havoc SantaCon may wreak in communities, there could be worse things. Just look at what happened in Charlottesville, Virginia back in August 2017. I mean while SantaCon participants might litter, vandalize, puke, and do what have you, they just want to party and have fun. Though their way of enjoyment may not be remarkably healthy, decent, or safe. While the Unite the Right guys in Charlottesville were white supremacists who inflicted violence against counter-protestors. Still, I mainly do SantaCon posts as a way to make fun of the costumes. Not as a way to endorse the event. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasury of SantaCon costumes.

  1. Behold, all hail the mighty Viking Claus.
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He has horns on his Santa hat. Though I’m not sure if that’s a proper Viking drink.

2. Two Santas are always better than one.

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Though one Santa wears shorts. While the other wears a skirt of tulle.

3. When you need to go on a holiday pub craw at 3 and a 49ers game at 5.

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He has a 49ers style Santa suit on. But either way, he’ll come home wasted.

4. This Santa seems a bit horse.

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Since he has a horse mask on. While he’s wearing a mere Santa shirt.

5. One of Santa’s elves has left the building.

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Though she could easily be working for a mall Santa nearby. Yet, she wears a red dress over her green tights.

6. You can’t go wrong with a corset.

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She wears a sexy Santa dress with her Santa hat. While her boots are super fuzzy.

7. She seems quite frosty today.

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Yes, this is a sexy snowman outfit. I know it’s not appropriate for snow weather in any respect. Like the fuzzy boots though.

8. Perhaps you might prefer striped tights.

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This woman wears a more modest Santa dress. Her boots are trimmed with fur and red bows.

9. You better watch out because Santa Pimp is coming to town.

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He wears a long red coat with red pants and a red hat. Oh, and he has a chain around his neck. But he’s not a nice guy since he has women debase themselves for money.

10. Have you ever met the dreaded Santabot?

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He’s a robot Santa. So his suit is part of his build. But don’t push his buttons.

11. Mrs. Claus always needs a long, sleek dress.

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She wears a white fake fur cape over her strapless dress. Also includes Santa hat.

12. Who says Santa suits can’t be sexy?

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Not sure if that’s right. Though I know it’s supposed to be a dress. But Santa isn’t meant to be sexy, at least in the conventional sense.

13. These women always know how to be in the present.

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Actually, they’re dressed as presents. While 2 of them think they’re God’s gift to men.

14. Sometimes it’s best to go all out on red and furs.

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Indeed, this is another Santa dress. But this one comes with transparent red tights and a matching frock cape.

15. You can’t have SantaCon without the Grinch and Cindy Lou Who.

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The Grinch is in his Santa suit. While Cindy Lou Who is in her trademark hair as well as dons a black dress with fur trim.

16. Even Santa occasionally prefers his comfy clothes.

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He just wears a red robe. His beard is cotton. But he’s wearing crazy glasses for some reason.

17. You can’t go wrong with a square Santa hat.

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He even wears a chain necklace saying “Ho Ho Ho.” While his hair is untidy and black.

18. A flashy Christmas tree dress will make the season bright.

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She has a top of sequins and tinsel. While her skirt has plenty of bows. As her hat is a star topper.

19. It always pays to look one’s best for SantaCon.

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Though one of them sports a rather revealing fishnet top. Not sure how that’s going to keep her warm on a cold day.

20. I suppose an elf can arrive in a poncho.

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Well, it’s more of a dress. But based on the sleeve cut, it might as well be a poncho.

21. Perhaps one might prefer a green dress of fur.

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She’s supposed to be the female version of The Ghost of Christmas Present. Though she doesn’t have a beard, obviously.

22. Mrs. Claus always has to have a fancy dress.

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Here she wears a lovely dress with green and gold decoration. Though she looks a bit young to be elderly.

23. It doesn’t take much to be merry.

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Though this seems more appropriate for a Christmas party at a strip club. Seriously, that leotard doesn’t look practical in any respect.

24. A Santa dress can always have tulle trim.

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Here these women wear belts and Santa hats. Though you can tell that their outfits are DIY.

25. I suppose she’s from the kitchen.

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Well, she wears an apron with holly on it. While her collar has a green bow.

26. Santa doesn’t always have to wear a traditional hat.

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This is a candy cane jester hat. As this Santa holds a megaphone with red snowflakes inside.

27. This lamp seems to be throwing some shade.

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Well, she’s supposed to be the leg lamp from A Christmas story. But you wouldn’t know from the coat.

28. Perhaps you might want to be sweet in this candy cane dress.

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Her dress is mostly red with a red and white striped skirt. Helps that she has green hair.

29. This Christmas season, beware of the Krampus.

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Unlike Santa, he’s known to kidnap and punish the bad boys and girls. So it’s best to keep away from him.

30. Don’t like red? Go green instead.

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She wears a green Santa dress with matching gloves. Though she might feel cold on her shoulders as well as between her skirt and stockings.

31. A Snowflake Princess is a certified winter darling.

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Though her skirt’s quite short. While she dons a snowflake crown.

32. Any girl at SantaCon would love to don this reindeer dress.

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Her dress is mostly brown. Yet, it includes antlers and fuzzy leggings.

33. Say hello to Frosty the Snowman.

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Actually, it’s a guy dressed as Frosty the Snowman. And no, he can’t melt at room temperature.

34. When Jack Frost comes to town, things get cold.

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After all, he’s a spirit known to make things freeze in the winter snow. Best you be careful when he’s around.

35. Anyone would love a girl dressed as a candy cane.

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Her outfit mostly consists of red and white stripes like a candy cane. While she wears leggings of white fake fur.

36. Some may want a Christmas get up with animal prints.

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Even has a matching Santa hat. Still, I find animal prints as unspeakably tacky.

37. Seems like Santa’s got a present.

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This Santa wears a regular red suit and fedora. While the woman next to him is a present.

38. The Virgin Mary seems rather predisposed to reindeer.

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Don’t worry, the baby Jesus is a doll. Yet, Mary sure has a fine golden halo.

39. Santas come in all shapes and sizes.

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One even has mecha gear. While another wears a helmet.

40. Indeed, fishnets might match red velvet and white fur.

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Here she is on snowy ground. Wonder why her legs don’t shiver.

41. A Santa can’t go out without a fur coat.

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These Santas wear sunglasses and bauble necklaces. Yet, they sport very different hairstyles.

42. Sometimes Santa has to wear a gas mask.

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Wonder where he’s at that he’d need one. Also, the fur fringe looks quite gray.

43. When in doubt, go with capes.

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All the capes have a wintry design. While they wear a variety of red pants.

44. SantaCon is a bit different in Hawaii.

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These people want “Universal Elfcare 4 All.” Wonder what the North Pole workplace environment is like.

45. Santa always sees you when you’re sleeping.

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He even has his own scepter. But you better be good for goodness sake.

46. Feel free to come to SantaCon in your pajamas.

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Though one dresses as a polar bear. While 2 wear Christmas suits.

47. You’d think their dresses were quite gingerly.

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Well, they’re in gingerbread dresses. But unlike gingerbread men, they wear bows.

48. Seems like these people are for the ginger cause.

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Actually you don’t need gingers to make gingerbread. Still, like the guy’s Santa suit and lights.

49. Santa and his elves mean business.

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Santa wears a collar shirt and a red sweater. While his elves don business suits.

50. Say hello to Santa’s decontamination squad.

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Since they’ve got gasmasks, goggles, and hazmat suits alongside their Christmas gear. Hell, they’re even wearing garlands of tinsel.

51. On Christmas, you have to take the green with the red.

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She wears an elf jacket over her red dress. While she has long candy cane stockings on her legs.

52. Even Santa can use a seaside vacation now and then.

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He’s donned in a Christmas themed Hawaiian shirt. Though I’m not sure what he’s looking for.

53. Candy canes should always go with Christmas trees.

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The woman wears a candy cane dress. While the guy wears Christmas tree regalia.

54. Mrs. Claus has to make a formal impression.

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Yet, this seems more like White Christmas than SantaCon. Still, it’s quite a lovely dress.

55. Never fear, Super Rudolph is here.

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So when did Rudolph get a six-pack and a spandex speedo? Seriously, this is a dumb costume on so many levels.

56. Buddy always enjoys working on his snowflakes.

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Okay, Buddy’s not really an elf. But man, his snowflakes are amazing.

57. Seems like someone has come with a Christmas tree.

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Well, it’s someone dressed up as a Christmas tree. But you wouldn’t know that unless you look at the legs.

58. This elf woman knows how to make the toys.

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She even uses power tools. Makes you wonder what kind of toys she makes.

59. Presenting…Santa Squid.

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Yes, it’s Santa in a red squid outfit. Not sure how he manages to pull that off.

60. Santa hangs out with a few of his reindeer.

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Then again, female reindeer do have antlers during the Christmas season. But these women just wear antlers and shades of beige.

61. A Christmas tree can always use some tinsel.

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Well, she has her tree décor over her green dress. As her star is made from tinsel.

62. There’s not much to this snowman dress.

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By the way, that’s Katy Perry before she got her blond pixie cut. And yes, she’s wearing stick gloves.

63. Sometimes in Santa costumes, less is more.

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She has herself laced in this dress. But it’s barely a dress.

64. Of course, the North Pole has to have a strip club.

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I don’t know if the North Pole does. But this woman certainly dresses like a stripper near Santa’s workshop.

65. These toy soldiers seem dead inside.

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Hell, the nutcracker doesn’t even look that creepy. Seriously, these women freak me out.

66. She’s bound to cause a lot of uproar in her SantaCon costume.

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Because she’s a red cup from Starbucks. So she’s known to get a lot of furor from the folks at Fox News.

67. I’m sure this dress will bring in the holidays.

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Yes, I know she’s in a scantily clad outfit. But she wears a bow and fishnet stockings.

68. Santa doesn’t seem to like what he sees at the pool.

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Apparently, Santa wears an old-timey swimsuit. And he’s just saw some guy in a speedo.

69. Santa seems to have beer goggles.

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He’s supposed to be a drunk Santa. But he looks too much like a hunk.

70. SantaCon is coming to a galaxy near you.

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I mean these guys have Imperial Stormtrooper helmets on. Don’t worry, they can’t shoot straight, anyway.

71. Some are excited for presents. Some are presents.

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Some of them are in wrapped gift boxes. Hope they can sit down once in awhile.

72. Gingerbread people always stick together.

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There we have a gingerbread man and his lady inside a joint. And yes, they’re adorable.

73. Seems like we got a couple of ornaments.

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Well, they’re wearing shiny ornament costumes. Though they look kind of deflated.

74. It’s Santa’s pit crew to the rescue.

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You can tell since they’re elves with flight goggles. Yes, that’s a female Santa.

75. You can always inflate yourself to play Santa.

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Well, he’s wearing an inflatable Santa suit. Not sure how he’ll get out of it.

76. This Santa Claus is mostly nice.

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But even he can be a bit naughty. Yet, he’s also covered in money. So he’s kind of a con man.

77. Guess it’s Darth Vader’s turn to play Santa at the Galactic Empire’s Christmas party.

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He may know who’s naughty or nice. But this Santa is squarely on the Dark Side.

78. Introducing….Camo Santa.

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Yet, I don’t think bright red makes great camouflage. Still, it’s pretty funny.

79. When it comes to reindeer costumes, it’s best to keep it simple.

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They’re dressed in black with tulle skirt. But don’t forget the antlers.

80. Is that Mrs. Claus?

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Actually that’s a guy, which you can tell by his beard. But at least he’s wearing an ugly sweater and a Santa dress.

The Sweet Candy World of Gingerbread Architecture (Third Edition)

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Of course, when you think about gingerbread houses, two things come to mind: Christmas and Hansel and Gretel Though in the latter, the gingerbread house assumed the role of a windowless van offering free candy that you should stay the hell away from. Yet, Hansel and Gretel don’t listen and a witch almost cooks them into a pot to eat. Anyway, that’s a rather unpleasant subject. Still, despite that grisly fairy tale, gingerbread houses have been a longtime Christmas tradition. Though the image above mainly consists of a traditional design, you can find so many great gingerbread creations with the help of a Google search. During the holiday season, you’ll find many gingerbread house competitions throughout the country and the world. Though you’ll also find plenty of gingerbread renditions of landmarks and fictional settings. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of gingerbread creations. Enjoy.

  1. Perhaps you might want to stop at this cottage.
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This one has a couple of buttresses for support. Like the pretzel and chocolate wafer roof.

2. Care to come in?

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I know it’s supposed to be some kind of commercial establishment. But whether it’s a shop or a restaurant, I don’t have the slightest idea.

3. Some of you might prefer some chocolate siding.

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This one even has candy cane columns and railings. Love the trees and wreath.

4. Anyone would adore this Victorian home.

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This one is quite fancy. Like the candy cane columns and roof trim at the top.

5. Feel free to take a look into the windows.

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This is supposed to be a gingerbread music store. Since there are instruments in the window.

6. Hope this clock can tell you the time of day.

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Okay, it probably won’t. But it’ll give you an inventive show of gumdrop figures.

7. You might want to spend some time in this fairy treehouse.

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Well, the tree isn’t remarkable to look at. Yet, these fairies seem like an inviting bunch.

8. Nothing says Paris like the Eiffel Tower.

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This one has icing on its design. Yet, it’s the iconic image of Paris and possibly France.

9. A yellow house will certainly brighten things up.

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IT may seems small. Yet, it’s quite fancy enough for Christmas decorations.

10. “The stockings were hung by the chimney with care…”

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This one even leaves milk and cookies for Santa. While you see plenty of presents on the mantlepiece.

11. Seems like everyone’s come for the holidays.

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This is a pink Victorian where people gather for Christmas. One has even come in a truck.

12. So is this what the North Pole looks like?

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Santa’s house seems rather small. But the toy factory looks rather magnificent.

13. “Unto us a child is born..”

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This is a gingerbread nativity scene. The figures are inside. While the star is on the stable roof.

14. Perhaps you might want to relish in the snow.

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Wonder if it’s supposed to be where Santa Claus lives. Though I do love the style and the gingerbread figures frolicking in the snow.

15. In this house, you’re bound for adventure.

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You may recognize this as the Up house. The balloons are made from gumballs, by the way.

16. Would you want to spend Christmas in a rustic lodge?

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Well, this is quite a large one. Like the decorations and penguins. So stunning.

17. Hope you can smell what’s coming from the bakery.

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Well, it’s more of a German design. But I bet its contents smells as good as its structure.

18. “O little town of Bethlehem…”

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Yes, this is another gingerbread nativity scene. But the figures are much more prominent. So cute.

19. You’ll want to pray at this gingerbread church.

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This one is of a Catholic church called Our Lady of the Sacred Heart. Wonder where you can find the real thing. Since it looks quite old and intricate.

20. You might prefer this cozy house.

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This one is a Victorian with large windows. Like the wreaths on the columns.

21. Want anything from the surf shack?

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This one is at the beach with sand of brown sugar. Need a board, you’ll find it here.

22. Rover welcomes you to his home.

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This is a gingerbread doghouse. And yes, some of it is made out of dog treats.

23. A red brick house always has a certain charm.

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This one has an antique garage. Like the Christmas decorations.

24. Seems like Santa’s visiting this house.

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This is a cozy home. Has a nice brick façade with Christmas decorations. While Santa is up on the house top.

25. “There was an old woman who lived in a shoe…”

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Too bad it wasn’t enough living space to keep her and her kids. Though it’s more likely she was running a kids’ home. Since her own would be adults by now.

26. Can I interest you in this magnificent gingerbread castle?

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This is a white castle with red tower tops. Even includes an outside shack for some reason.

27. Settle down in this Christmas cabin.

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This log house is decked with red shutters and a wreath at every window. While it sports a multitude of icicles.

28. Santa’s toy factory is quite busy this holiday season.

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Seems like an impressive operation. Though I’m sure Santa might replace the elves with automation.

29. Care to stop at Victoria’s B&B?

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This one has an almond stone façade for more realism. Includes a snowman in front.

30. Feel free to admire the Christmas tree at this red brick house.

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This one has the tree in the front lawn. While garlands decorate the windows and wrought iron fence.

31. Stay in this tower house on a cold snowy night.

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Well, this is an interesting design. Though I love the purple icing on the walls.

32. Hop along on this carousel.

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This gingerbread carousel consists of horses and rainbow candy cane decoration. So pretty.

33. This house looks a lot like Christmas.

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Mostly since it’s red with green shutters and fixtures. Said to be a hotel. But looks more like a B&B to me.

34. You might be enchanted by this shrine.

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From what I can tell, it seems to resemble a shrine. Though I really can’t be sure despite its spectacular architecture.

35. You might feel at home in the Shire.

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This is a little hobbit neighborhood. Not sure where Bag End is supposed to be.

36. There’s so much to love about this large gingerbread house.

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This one has hearts all over the place. Love the smoke coming out of it.

37. Perhaps you’d like a roof of red licorice.

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This one also has candy cane columns. Like the Christmas decorations.

38. Care to try anything at this sweet shop?

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You can see plenty of present cakes inside. While the snowmen smile with delight.

39. All aboard on Noah’s ark.

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This one has 2 of each animal, including the sea creatures. Like the stained glass rainbow image on the boat’s side.

40. You’ll be amazed by Moscow’s St. Basil’s Cathedral.

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It’s said Ivan the Terrible had the architect’s eyes gouged out because he didn’t want the guy to design any other building like it. Though the tops are quite pretty.

41. Stop by this simple white house.

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This one has wreaths on every window and a stone fence. The roof is covered in flour snow.

42. Best you take a treat from Santa’s Bake Shop.

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You can see the treats through the window. While it sports a red and green chimney.

43. Hope you can do your business in this outhouse.

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Includes a couple of milk cans for added rustic charm. Though the only products produced here are gingerbread shits.

44. As we know, Noah built his ark.

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Includes animals coming in 2 by 2. And they’re probably the major reason why people do this gingerbread rendition in the first place.

45. You’ll find everything from cakes to crumbs at this bake shop.

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You can see the treats through the window. Like the Trees outside.

46. May I interest you in a tropical hideaway?

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Sure there may not be snow on it. But you have to admire the large stained glass window.

47. Nothing beats lounging at the beach.

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One guy’s about to go surfing. While 2 ladies lie in the sun.

48. Make a proper visit to Gingerbread Abbey.

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This is a gingerbread rendition of Downton Abbey. Or Highclere Castle in real life.

49. Hope you’ll be enchanted by this castle.

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This one has wreaths and candy cane columns. Love the towers.

50. You might prefer a house with more unique architecture.

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This one seems like it’s straight from the desert. While it’s decked in Christmas glory.

51. You’ll be in for a night at Radio City Music Hall.

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Though this time of year, you’ll might only get to see a Rockette show there. Like the massive tree.

52. It’s nice to spend Christmas at a rustic tower house.

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This one seems straight out of a fairy tale. The top mostly consists of shingles.

53. Perhaps you might want to ride a carousel horse.

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Wonder how big this one is. At any rate, it’s quite amazing someone could construct such a thing.

54. Have a drink at the tiki bar.

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This one is mostly made from pretzels. Yet looks very simple to make.

55. In the southwest desert, you can reside in an adobe.

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Yes, this is a gingerbread adobe. Though you wouldn’t find snow in Arizona and New Mexico.

56. A Native gingerbread person would love to reside in a teepee.

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Has all kinds of Christmas decorations on it. And there’s a fire inside.

57. Snoopy is all ready for Christmas.

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This is from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. And yes, the Charlie Brown tree is present.

58. A tall castle never fails to make an impression.

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Looks really imposing. Like the tall towers. Even includes a train track.

59. Hope you can survive King’s Landing. Because many don’t.

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King’s Landing is the capital in Game of Thrones. Great cosmopolitan atmosphere. But stay away from Cersei.

60. Feel free to come inside this Christmas pagoda.

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This one has holly on the tiers. Has a white Christmas tree inside.

61. You’ll have a ball of a time at this Christmas castle.

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This one is supposed to capture the 12 Days of Christmas. And shows each of the items with consistency.

62. You would marvel at this Gothic revival church.

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This one has rather imposing towers. Love the decorations and design. So pretty.

63. Pay a visit to this red brick block.

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This is a gingerbread apartment building. Has candy cane railing. Love the garland decorations.

64. A rustic house can always have an elaborate design on top.

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Indeed, the roof is quite fancy. Like the Christmas wreath and tree on the terrace balcony.

65. Paddle along the Mississippi in this steam boat.

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Contains frog musicians apparently. Yet, it’s decked with candy cane columns and smokestacks.

66. It beginning to look a lot like Christmas on this block.

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Indeed, they’re 3 houses attached to each other. While there are 2 sets of chimneys between them.

67. George Washington always enjoyed Christmas at Mount Vernon.

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This one has the main house surrounded by Christmas trees. Has garlands on the windows and near the roof. While wreaths deck the doors.

68. A white house glistens after the first snow.

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This one doesn’t have as many Christmas decorations as the other houses. But you can see wreaths on the widow’s walk.

69. A yellow house can always impress during the holidays.

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This one lights up from the inside. Still, love the Christmas decorations and trees.

70. A dark house can always dazzle.

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Wonder if it’s from a storybook. In any case, got to see Santa getting stuck in the chimney.

71. Want to set sail?

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This one has a beach scene with a bar. Though the boat has a candy cane yard and a pretzel mast.

72. A large house like this can play host to a lavish Christmas party.

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This one has Christmas trees at the entrance. While you can see towers topped with snowflakes.

73. Perhaps a pretzel house can suit you.

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This one has pretzel siding, fencing, and shingles. While the icing makes the snow.

74. A brick tower house will make you feel at home during the holidays.

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Has Christmas trees in the lawn. While the tower is in pure holiday splendor.

75. You might be refreshed by a house of minty green.

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Well, it’s not totally minty green. But has a kind of whimsical charm.

76. Care to stop by the Apple Drop Farm?

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This one has an array of pumpkins and apple trees. Get them before the snow comes.

77. You’ll be charmed by this German clock.

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You can see people dancing and sharing a beer regardless. While it’s a little after ten.

78. Find peace at a remote Asian temple.

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This one has candy canes on the tier and roof. While the fish in the stream are probably Swedish.

79. Some may opt for the cozy confines of Bag End.

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This one has 2 chimneys. Also comes with a well cart, and garden.

80. Anyone would be charmed by this windmill.

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It’s near a golden bridge. Wonder how it retains the blades during the cold winter winds.

81. Don’t forget to pay a visit to the Lincoln Memorial.

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Though I’m not sure if it’s made out of brick since it’s more or less composed of stone. Though you have to like the candy cane columns.

82. I’m sure you might enjoy a performance at the Kennedy Center.

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It’s a performing arts center in Washington DC. Got to love the candy cane columns.

83. Though you can’t miss the Jefferson Memorial.

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The Jefferson may not be as well known as the Lincoln Memorial. Though the dome is quite magnificent.

84. Fallingwater looks spectacular during the winter.

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Okay, this is a gingerbread rendition of Frank Lloyd Wright’s best known building. Yet, you have to at least appreciate whoever made this.

85. You have to check out the Biltmore in a book.

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I think this is the Vanderbilt estate in North Carolina. Nonetheless, someone listed it as Hogwarts for some reason.

86. Hope your block is all ready for the holidays.

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Seems like a peaceful neighborhood. Some kids throw snowballs. Others build snowmen.

87. The Taj Mahal will certainly enchant you.

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Yes, this is a gingerbread Taj Mahal. And yes, it’s covered in white icing.

88. Now that’s a massive treehouse.

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This one is a massive apartment complex. So hold onto the candy cane railing.

89. You’ll see a lot of glowing candles at this house.

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This one uses shredded wheat as roof shingles. While garlands deck the columns, balcony, and windows.

90. The Pentagon seems all ready for Christmas.

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It’s the military headquarters and where most of America’s tax dollars go to. Because some old men want to build their little explody toys. Instead of instituting a universal healthcare system that would be extremely better for all of us. Because healthcare is a civil right, not a commodity.

91. Seattle is stunning in gingerbread and frosting.

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Even includes the Space Needle, the city’s most famous landmark. While the skyline is spectacular.

92. Here you will find the highest court in the land.

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However, now that Brett Kavanaugh’s in there, the Supreme Court’s legitimacy is under great scrutiny. Still, love the candy cane columns and Christmas decorations.

93. “The Whos down in Whoville loved Christmas a lot..”

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This is supposed to be Whoville’s central square. Love the Christmas tree.

94. Nobody should miss Stonehenge.

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This seems rather easy to make. Just take some gingerbread pieces and put them in a stone circle.

95. King Kong knows how to deck the halls.

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Here he is on top of the Empire State Building wearing a Santa hat. Man, people can get crazy ideas sometimes.

96. The White House is a colorful spectacle this year.

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This one has rainbow lights on the top and sides. So pretty and festive.

97. You might want to check out this fancy caravan.

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Makes you wonder whether some magician lives there. Love the black lattice and golden trim.

98. Anyone would want to celebrate Christmas with this festive fountain.

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Is that real water spouting out? Love the Christmas tree at the top.

99. So many things are made at Santa’s Workshop.

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This one pops out toys nonstop. Mostly because it’s powered by magic.

100. Feel free to visit this Chinese tea house.

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Certainly has a unique style to it. Love the beautiful roof and windows.

 

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas with These Village Houses (Fourth Edition)

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Now that I put up some of my crazy Christmas posts, I return to some of the nice decorations. Though plenty might opt for a simple Christmas tree, a wreath, lights, and other trimmings, some may go over the top. Among these, you might find a Christmas village within one’s home with putz or porcelain houses that may light up a winter wonderland when the lights are out. You might find it on a tree like display like this one. You may find it on a large table. Or you might see it under the tree with a toy train track. Since it’s the Christmas season, you’ll find plenty of companies selling these cute Christmas houses so people can build their own yuletide towns. Yet, some may prefer the old-fashioned putz houses and make their own. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasury of cute Christmas village houses. Enjoy.

  1. A purple house should always sport a pink roof.
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This one even has a white dog with gold. Also, has a matching doghouse, too.

2. A frame ski lodge is a welcoming place.

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You can tell it’s a ski lodge since it has ski figures and a dog at the front. Like the lights, too.

3. A light yellow house can always use some tinsel.

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Also has jewel decorations for extra sparkle. Love the trees.

4. A winter home is covered with snow.

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Includes a pink tree and a white deer. Like the tinsel on the door.

5. Seems like Santa’s flying over that green house.

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Sure he may only ride with 6 as far as I see it. Yet, I love the glitter on the roof. So pretty and sparkly.

6. A mid-century modern home can always use a few snowflakes.

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This one has a few snowflakes hanging from the roof. Includes silver steps and Christmas trees.

7. On Winter houses, 2 chimneys are better than one.

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You can see the Christmas decorations in the front lawn. Includes a Christmas tree, wreath, sleigh, and snowman.

8. A small red house can do with a bell.

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The bell is on the tower. Makes you wonder if it’s a schoolhouse. Like the gold fringe.

9. Perhaps you might prefer a small purple cottage.

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There’s tinsel on the roof and along the top window and door. Like the shiny beads.

10. You’ll have plenty of snow on this roof.

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Well, the snow is made from cotton fluff. Has 2 chimneys, 3 dormers, and 4 wreaths on the windows.

11. A white barn will always stand out.

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This one is in similar design as the one I put up in the first Christmas village post. Still, it’s quite magnificent.

12. A fuzzy blue church should always look magical.

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This one has a wreath on the snow covered roof. Love the snowman near the front.

13. A Christmas house should always have a snow covered roof.

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This one is more naturalistic than some of the others on this post. Yet, you still have 3 wreaths on the windows.

14. A lime green church should contain a few stars.

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Well, they’re hollow stars. Yet, you have to admire the style if you’re not crazy about the color.

15. A winter village has a certain holiday magic during the night.

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This one has all you want in a Christmas village. While you can see trees galore on a mountainside.

16. A golden deer would love a quaint blue cottage.

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This one has gold chimneys on its snow covered roof. Love the trees and reindeer though.

17. You’ll never know what you’d see inside this modern green house.

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Though I think the inside comes from a photo. Nonetheless, you have to like the multicolored trees on the lawn.

18. A small red house should have a few Christmas trees outside.

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The trees are decorated with shiny beads of red, blue, and gold. While the light comes from the inside.

19. Anyone would want a small house of red and pink.

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And they say red and pink don’t go together. Nonetheless, you have to love the decorations on this.

20. Perhaps you’ll be impressed by a fancy green house.

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This one even has lattice in the roofs. Like the tree and wreath. So pretty.

21. A blue house can always do with a snowflake.

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This one has a wreath on the door and a pearl on the roof as well. Love it.

22. A small modern blue house can do with a few candy canes.

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Has a wreath on the chimney. Like the gold décor on the top. Wonder if it’s supposed to signify lights.

23. You can always see the light coming through a large window.

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This one has decorations on the columns. Still, wouldn’t want a house designed like this.

24. It’s always Christmas when you see Santa flying on his sleigh.

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The top contains panels of Santa and his reindeer nearby. Though it’s supposed to be at the North Pole.

25. Care to catch sight of a round balcony?

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Well, the roof is rounded for the balcony. Though it’s quite a unique house that I had to include it.

26. A charming blue house can always include 2 chimneys.

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This one has beads for the décor. While the chimneys even produce smoke in the form of cotton stuffing.

27. A creamy pink house is worth singing about.

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This one has a pipe cleaner wreath and garland at the top. But the pine decoration stands out the best.

28. This glitter lighthouse will light your way through snowy seas.

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It’s white and light blue for winter. While you can find its light at the top.

29. A roof can accumulate a lot of snow during winter.

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Though most of the snow must be paper mache. Though I do like the gold trees on each side.

30. A spotted house always receives a visit from Santa.

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This one even has gold pretzel fencing. Yet, Santa only has 4 reindeer at most.

31. Perhaps a simple white church will do.

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This one has white spots on the steeple. Like the deer near the Christmas trees.

32. A blue house should have all the embellishments.

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The trim is quite intricate. Yet, you have to like the white deer and wreath at the front.

33. A simple blue house needs simple decorations.

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This one only has a few potted Christmas trees. Also includes a car near the garage.

34. A Christmas house can always look quite fancy.

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The lattice work covers the roof and floors. Comes with a pink tree and a few snowballs.

35. A sweet angel should have a pink house.

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Has a jewel near the roof. While the angel wears a muff. So lovely.

36. Perhaps you might want to check out this church.

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Well, it’s a white church and a gold side building. Like the angel and the wreath.

37. A Christmas house should always be red and green.

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This one has a wreath near the roof and a unique shape. Love the trees surrounding it.

38. Don’t forget to decorate the tree for all to see.

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This one has kids decorating the tree where you can see them. So cute.

39. A blue church should have some fancy trees.

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This one has a deer right outside. While the trees have all kinds of beads on it.

40. A small red house can always stand out.

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One of the trees has rather large baubles on it. Yet, I like the smaller tree better since it’s more proportioned.

41. The more snow on the roof, the better.

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This one has a wreath near the balcony, 2 chimneys, and trees on the lawn. Should brighten anyone’s spirits.

42. A white house can always be a quaint holiday cottage.

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This one only has a wreath and a couple of trees with red beads. Though I do like the red window trim.

43. You can always go with a fancy town house.

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This one is rather towering. Love the gold trim near the roof. So amazing.

44. Among wild trees, a simple house will do.

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This one is a modern brick with a red door and green trim. Not why it has snow and palm trees though.

45. Need a Christmas tree? Get one here.

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The trees come freshly cut. Yet, I like the light and wreath décor the best.

46. Sometimes your Christmas village needs a modern touch.

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This one has 2 stories in yellow and blue. Wonder if they’re apartments since they have a tree on each. Love the snowman and wreath.

47. A small lavender cottage can always use a star.

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Well, there’s a star hole on the roof. Like the tree with the shiny beads.

48. A blue house can always please during the holidays.

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This one has 2 wreaths on the roof along with jewels on the door and chimney. So pretty.

49. Sometimes the trees can stand from the house.

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The trees are decorated with shiny beads. While a kid stands in front of the house.

50. Santa could always visit a black house.

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This one has purple trim on the windows and doors. While Santa is made of Lego.

51. A white stately home will always bring Christmas cheer.

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This one has 4 chimneys on its snow-covered roof. Like the wreaths.

52. There’s plenty to do in a blue house during the holidays.

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This one has a lot of stuff going on here. Has candy cane trim, lights, and a wreath.

53. Could I interest you with a hunter’s cabin?

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Only has cardinal on the roof. While the bell is the only holiday décor present.

54. Perhaps you might prefer spending Christmas in the woods.

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This one even includes an outhouse which kind makes me shudder. Decorated with a wreath and trees.

55. You can always try a simple white house.

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This one is either a trailer or a ranch style. Like the snowman nearby though.

56. This clock house may impress you.

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Includes a snowflake background and 2 evergreen trees. Love the roof.

57. Nobody could forget a polka dot house.

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The file name has it as a gingerbread house. Yet, seems more like a flamboyant birdhouse to me.

58. A home is always someone’s castle.

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This one seems to combine a castle with a house. Love the windows.

59. A brick house is always sturdy.

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This one has an elf slipping on the ice. Love the Christmas tree.

60. A blue house like this can be seen from miles.

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Sports a golden roof and has deer in the lawn. Love the candy cane Christmas tree.

61. A blue church should have a fancy tower.

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This one has a matching Christmas tree. Though I love the gold wreath on the steeple.

62. A white house is a simple winter hideaway.

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This one has a wreath on the roof and blue bead bows on the chimneys. Like the snowman near the big window.

63. Anyone would find this green house enchanting.

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This one has a roof of 2 peaks. Like the wreath and Christmas tree décor. The teddy bear and snowman are so cute.

64. There’s something angelic about this winter abode.

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Has angels on the front yard holding animals and praying. While snowflakes deck the windows.

65. You’ll find a few nutcrackers here.

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This one has holly at the windows. While 3 nutcrackers stand near the snowman.

66. You’ll find poinsettias and fancy deer at this house.

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This one has poinsettias in the windows. While the reindeer are white and gold. There’s also a large ornament on the roof.

67. Perhaps you might do with a small blue house.

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Has a large ornament on the lawn. Like the white snowy trees and wreath with pink beads.

68. A sleek modern home makes a perfect Christmas cabin.

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This one has a metal butterfly roof. While it’s decked with 2 Christmas trees and a wreath.

69. A modest pink house might suit your holiday fancy.

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This one has a rather intricate chimney and façade. Like the golden present and wreath.

70. Sometimes a wreath is all you need.

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This one has a large wreath and candy cane columns. Almost looks real with the earth tone colors.

71. Christmas can be grand in a trailer in the woods.

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Includes a wreath, presents, lights, and a deer. Not much space, but seems quite quaint.

72. A red house can always usher in the Christmas spirit.

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Comes with 2 Christmas trees in ornaments. While the snow glitters on the roof.

73. Nothing is sweeter than a candy cane house.

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This one has candy cane trim on the roof. While the chimney has a peppermint as it spouts candy cane smoke.

74. A modern ranch always has to include a flamingo.

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This one seems like a rather normal house. Like the fencing.

75. A small white house can gather a ton of snow.

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This is a pastel house in Bavarian design. While the wreath has a deer head, I think.

76. A flamingo looks out of place in the snow.

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It has a wreath around its neck. Like the snow covered roof.

77. A pink house should at least have its own tower.

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This one has garlands on the awning. Like the dog and shutters.

78. You’ll be marveled by this wooden townhouse.

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This one has a rather intricate design. Like the window near the roof. So pretty.

79. A putz village is a colorful place.

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This one even includes a train track. While the buildings all glitter in bright colors.

80. You can’t help but adore a rainbow house.

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This one is in pink, purple, blue, and yellow. While the tree might contain some berries.

81. Perhaps you might like this red town house.

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This one includes a dog. Yet, the windows seem quite imposing and magnificent.

82. A pink house is a winter haven.

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This one has 2 trees and a snowman. Like the silver trim on the chimneys and windows.

83. Want to spend sometime in this Christmas trailer?

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This one is in red and green. Also includes a wreath.

84. Any elf would love a small brick cottage.

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This one has golden doors and windows. Like the sleigh and presents. So pretty.

85. A brick house can always impress.

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This one has twin chimneys and 2 balconies. Has 4 trees on the front.

86. A fox is charmed by a small green frame house.

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This one just has a bow above the door. While trees deck the front.

87. A white deer would always feel at home at a white cottage.

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This one has gold tree and silver wreath. Like the snow on the roof.

88. Bet Santa likes to stop at this blue house.

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This one only has one chimney but plenty of windows. While a berry tops each tree.

89. Perhaps Santa might prefer a small white cottage.

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This one has silver trees while the fencing glitters. So pretty.

90. A blue house can be a haven for snow and ice.

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Has a red roof and front window. Yet, the snowman is adorable.

91. There’s a lot happening at this blue house.

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This one has a snowman next to a peppermint lollipop. Love the trees.

92. The halls are all decked on this house.

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This one has a wire fence along with one of the most decorated facades on the block. Love the golden snowflake.

93. A sparkly blue house has plenty of bows.

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Well, glittery golden bows, anyway. Love the window and roof trim. So pretty and sparkly.

94. You might feel welcome at this white house.

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This one has a ribbon flower and snowflakes on the green roof. Though I’m not sure if the people are figures or not.

95. Seems like Santa likes spending time with his wife at this red house.

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Though I’d expect Santa to live in some North Pole palace. Then again, to each his own.

96. Apparently, Santa seems to love this Christmas barn.

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Someone even has a tree on their car. Like the wreath near the roof.

97. Perhaps you might prefer a blue house with a roof of gold.

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Has poinsettias near the windows. While Santa stands right outside the front door.

98. A church should always be in bright colors.

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This one has a bell on one side and a chimney on the other. Like the wreath above the door.

99. Check out the icicles on this blue house.

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This one has a wreath on the façade. Yet, the icicles dangle from the roof.

100. Feel free to acquaint yourself with this red house.

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This one has garlands on the roof. While the snowman stands outside.

Not So Great Tidings of Not Much Comfort and Joy Christmas Gift List (Fourth Edition)

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As anyone would guess, Christmas gifts are among the most important holiday traditions. Since if we didn’t exchange gifts during this time of year, we wouldn’t have all this Christmas commercialism in the first place. Nonetheless, while we always look forward to opening our Christmas presents, not all gifts will be winners. In fact, everyone has probably received a terrible Christmas gift at one point of their lives. After all, there are plenty of people who are very hard to buy for. Or many of the people in your life are on a budget. Or you had to buy a gift for someone you didn’t know or a secret Santa. But there are some gifts that go beyond the conventional bad Christmas presents. You’ll probably never receive any of these. But if you do, know that you’re probably not alone. Or someone has seen my bad gift posts and possibly hates you. In any case, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of holiday gift disasters. Some of these may not be safe for work, by the way.

  1. Jewel Encrusted Kleenex box
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Basically says, “you sneeze a lot and have very expensive tastes.” Besides, you can get cheaper tissue boxes than this.

2. Creative Cursing: A Mix and Match Profanity Generator

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If you want to protest Donald Trump like a Brit, this is the book for you. Otherwise, best not to give to children who might make their parents think you’re setting a bad example.

3.  Chambong  Shooter Set

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Now you can shoot champagne straight into your mouth. Might make people think you have a drinking problem.

4. Trumpy Bear

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He’s basically a Donald Trump teddy bear that will turn everything you love into shit. Great for inflicting harm on your enemies. Still, for the love of God, kill it. Kill it with fire.

5. Toothed Mug

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Guaranteed to creep people out when you have your coffee. Seriously, who puts teeth on a mug?

6. Toilet Donald

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From Huffington Post: “Imagine waking up at 3 a.m. and seeing this Toilet Donald statue angrily tweeting about some imagined slight. Oh, sorry. That’s a nightmare.”

7. Praying Mantis Angel

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From Huffington Post: “This praying mantis statue definitely offers a new angle on angels. If the recipient looks at you incredulously (a good possibility), just look beatifically at the sky and say, ‘the Lord does work in strange and mysterious ways.'”

8. Impeach Toaster and Jam

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From Huffington Post: “Looking for a gift for the person still feeling burned by the 2016 election? Want something special for the person who thinks Trump is toast in 2020? This Trump toaster burns the face of The Donald on one side of bread, with ‘You’re Fired!’ on the other. The product’s website also sells ‘Impeach Jam.'”

9. Tactical Kilt

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From Huffington Post: “If you’re in a situation where you’re wearing a kilt, it’s not a bad idea for it to be camouflaged (why call attention to yourself?). The Tactical Kilt is especially handy because it has pockets and compartments that allow you to hide weapons, the better to protect yourself if people make fun of you.”

10. Life Preserver Bottle Cover

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From Huffington Post: “Why a life preserver for a bottle of wine? If you have to ask why, you’ll never understand.”

11. Moose Foot Rest

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From Huffington Post: “After a hard day, there is nothing like resting your feet on a moose-shaped Ottoman. And there is probably nothing in your house that matches a moose-shaped Ottoman. Just a warning: If you get this for Christmas, your kids will never let you get rid of it.”

12. Potty Texter

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From Huffington Post: “Texting in a bathroom isn’t easy. You have to hold the phone with both hands, leaving nothing to hold a glass of wine (or anything else). The Potty Texter apparently makes it easier to answer nature’s call while answering emails or checking out social media feeds. Just promise me you won’t use this to do a Facebook Live feed, please?”

13. Hand Turkey Statue

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From Huffington Post: “Hand turkeys are a common art project for school kids, but few of them are as elaborate as this statue that combines a turkey head with a human hand. Or as creepy. Yep, definitely creepy.”

14. Beard Bib

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From The Huffington Post: “Some weird gifts are actually weirdly useful, such as the Beard Bib. Hook it to a mirror with suction cup and it will catch all the facial hair before it gets stuck on the sink. I assume it could also work for vomit, spittle, last night’s dinner and other things you don’t want in the sink, but that’s a little gross to think about.”

15. Vladimir Putin Scratching Post

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From The Huffington Post: “If Donald Trump can scratch Vladimir Putin’s back, why can’t your cat scratch everywhere else. Yes, all cats will be rushin’ to use this scratching post of the Russian dictator, even though others would rather scratch his eyes out.”

16. Mini Mobile LED Disco Ball

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That way, you can bring the party anywhere. But make sure you plug it in first.

17. Emergency Underwear

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If you need a pair on the go, these will serve you well. Just go into a bathroom and change first. Still, this is a pretty terrible gift.

18. You Said You Wanted Nothing Box

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For the person who said they wanted nothing. But you didn’t get the memo that they expected you to give them a gift anyway.

19. How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and with Skill by Knock Knock

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An ideal gift for the parent who wants to scare the kids straight. Then again, this might not be good for any children.

20. Chanel Lightbulb Heels

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For the woman who wants to make an electric entrance. Then again, I’m not sure if the light actually works. Also, looks pretty ridiculous.

21. Nude Art Purse

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As you can see, the art isn’t the greatest. Faces range from Cubist to goblin.

22. Nicholas Cage Sequin Pillow

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On one side, it’s shiny red. On the other is Nicholas Cage’s face. Hope your loved one enjoys this one.

23. Glow in the Dark Toilet Seat

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Now if you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you can find your way. Yet, it’ll make your toilet appear like a nuclear disaster area.

24. The Hungoevr Cookbook by Milton Crawford

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For the person in your life who loves food. But is often seen holding bottle of booze at a party when you see them.

25. Fifty Shades of Chicken by FL Fowler

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It’s like Fifty Shades of Grey. But with kinky chicken recipes to try with your partner. Then again, that might be a better idea than the real book.

26. Bernie Sanders Chia Head

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For the democratic socialist with a green thumb. Nonetheless, Bernie certainly has hair like that.

27. Farting Teddy Bear

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It’s a cuddly teddy bear known to break wind. Kids will love it. Parents not so much.

28. Motorized Rolling Pin

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Okay, this is a prank pack. But I’m sure many would want something that would roll the dough itself.

29. Big Head Squirrel Feeder

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Allows you to feed the critters outside. Though a bird feeder works just as well. Seriously, I’ve seen it in action.

30. Bluetooth Bathroom Scale

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It’s the hot new tech gift that nobody wants, especially women. Great for making that special someone hate you for the rest of your life.

31. Toilet Office Organizer

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You can store paper clips in the seat. While the figure holds tape as toilet paper and pencil at the mouth.

32. Crumpled Trash Throw Pillow

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From Buzzfeed: “Crumpled trash is the pinnacle of true love.” I’d beg to differ on that.

33. Chopstick Pencils

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Now you can eat and write with the same utensils. Okay, that’s quite unsanitary.

34. Star Trek: Next Generation Tiki Mugs

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From The Huffington Post: “This collection of tiki mugs — modeled on the mugs of various characters from ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ — is perfect for the person who loves foofy drinks and ‘90s sci-fi. As Jean-Luc Picard might say: ‘Make it so … alcoholic.'” Wait a minute, Cardassians and Ferengi are much more appropriate for Deep Space Nine.

35. Syringe Highlighters

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From Buzzfeed: “For the friend who has to endure medical school.” Or nursing school. Come in 6 different colors.

36. Eyebrow Razors

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It’s a cute way of telling your loved one that they remind you of the Wolfman. And that it might not be a good thing.

37. GameMaxx Hydrating Game Controller

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It’s supposed to keep you hydrated while you play video games. Okay, it’s actually a prank pack. Sorry to disappoint you.

38. iDrive Mobile Device Mount Accessory

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It’s a mount you can use to put your device up. Yes, it’s another prank pack. But that’s beside the point.

39. Anti-Fatigue Mat

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From Refinery29: “Because ladies LOVE doing dishes in their heels.” Actually we women do not.

40. Beginner’s Whittling Kit

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From Refinery29: “For the recent retiree or gentleman/woman/homesteader of leisure in your life, a gift that truly says, ‘This should keep you busy while you run out the ol’ life-clock.’ Your giftee will know you value traditional, rural handicraft and savings when you show them that it comes with a free issue of Carving Magazine!”

41. Bracelet Assistant

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From Refinery29: “Finally, a gift that reminds me of my arthritic wrists.” Maybe if you have arthritis, you shouldn’t wear bracelets.

42. Personal Pie Maker

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From Refinery29: “Finally, a girl can make four pies simultaneously, in a weird iron-maiden-type device, in the comfort and safety of her own home. Psych, everyone — this is actually the best gift.”

43. Wrap Purse

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From Refinery29: “It’s a scarf! No, it’s a purse! It’s a scurseparf! Forget those bras with pockets: Here’s the today way to sassily sport the valuables you need most, like your bling-y barrettes and Sophie Kinsella novels.”

44. Wine-Cork Trivet

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From Refinery29: “This is a super-classy, MoMA-approved way to commemorate the 36 most special times you ever got lit (precious memories). Don’t buy it for us, though. Our boxes of Chardonnay don’t come with corks.”

45. Edible Eyes

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They’re eyes you can stick on your food. Takes playing with it to a whole new level.

46. The Very Embarrassing Book of Dad Jokes by Ian Allen

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I’m sure it’s given to dads everywhere. With this book, they can be lame like the dad in that 1970s style cover.

47. Sushi Cat Keychains

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Indeed, these are cats on vinegar rice you can hang on your backpack or purse. For cat and sushi lovers everywhere.

48. Napsack Sleep Hood

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With this you can take a nap anytime and anywhere. Okay, this is actually a prank pack. But many would wish it can be the real thing.

49. Couch Potato Chips Pillow

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Guaranteed to last longer than a real bag of potato chips. Though this woman doesn’t know the difference.

50. Floppy Disk Coffee Table

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Comes with a secret compartment. Though your younger guests might think it resembles a save icon.

51. Chewing Gum Magnets

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From Buzzfeed: “HA HAR HA. Tell ’em how you really feel.” Wonder how people would react if you put them on your fridge.

52. Hinge Packing Tape

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It’s packing tape with hinges on it. Makes it seem that packages are easier or harder to open than they really are.

53. Cinema Place Mat

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Makes you think that your dinner is a preview. Not sure if that helps matters.

54. Pizza Bedsheets

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Do you love pizza so much you’d want to go to bed with it? Now you can in a way. Still, it’s kind of tacky.

55. Plop Trumps Card Game

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It’s a card game on the different kinds of poop there are. Disgusting? I know.

56. Polaroid Toilet Paper Holder

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That way you can get toilet paper like you got polaroids. Yet, many younger people may not know what this is supposed to resemble.

57. Beerzicle

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It’s to keep your beer cool when you don’t have a fridge in sight. Yeah, they seem to make so many beer products for some reason.

58. Coffee Talkies