We Wish You a Merry Christmas, on Vintage Christmas Cards (Third Edition)

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As I demonstrated before in my last 2 vintage Christmas card posts, people tend to gravitate toward these cards during the holidays for their cozy artwork and cutesy imagery. Yet, as I’ve also showed before, not all vintage Christmas cards are as lovely as this one above or the ones you remember. I like this image since it has a lovely candle inside a lantern along with holly berries and leaves as well as a red bow. Sure it’s kind of an image you’d expect from a Christmas card. But if I devote an entire post to the lovely vintage Christmas cards many of you may go for, then I won’t have anyone to view it. So instead again, I’ll stick to the ones that many of my older viewers would rather forget. You know ones that might make you scratch your head since they don’t make much sense. Or ones you probably didn’t know even existed. So for your reading holiday pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy vintage Christmas cards from yesterday.

  1. “I hope your Christmas stocking will be full from top to toe.”
"So what can be in here? Switchblades? Handguns? Traps? This is going to be the best most dangerous game ever."

“So what can be in here? Switchblades? Handguns? Traps? This is going to be the best most dangerous game ever.”

2. Merry Christmas to the children who go to great lengths to see Santa.

"Kid, you're supposed to send me a letter to the North Pole of what you want for Christmas. Not go to deliver it personally in my workshop. Also, you'll probably freeze to death in that outfit."

“Kid, you’re supposed to send me a letter to the North Pole of what you want for Christmas. Not go to deliver it personally in my workshop. Also, you’ll probably freeze to death in that outfit.”

3. Frosty the Snowman would like to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Okay, that has to be one of the creepiest snowmen I've seen. Also, why does he have shamrocks? That's for the wrong holiday.

Okay, that has to be one of the creepiest snowmen I’ve seen. Also, why does he have shamrocks? That’s for the wrong holiday.

4. You never know what you’ll find in Santa’s sack or under his cloak.

So he has a bunch of child angels under his cloak. So what happened to these kids? Did they die? Did Santa kidnap them?

So he has a bunch of child angels under his cloak. So what happened to these kids? Did they die? Did Santa kidnap them?

5. During the Christmas season, you’ll often find Santa answering letters in his workshop.

"Little Jimmy wants a new iPad? That's like the 1,000th one this week. This answering letters is a pain in my ass."

“Little Jimmy wants a new iPad? That’s like the 1,000th one this week. This answering letters is a pain in my ass.”

6. Bad kids this Christmas should beware of the Krampus who gives them a good beating and abduction they deserve.

However, this card doesn't help that Krampus smacks the smallest kid while the other children seem straight from your nightmares. Wish he went after the girl in the yellow dress. She's creepy.

However, this card doesn’t help that Krampus smacks the smallest kid while the other children seem straight from your nightmares. Wish he went after the girl in the yellow dress. She’s creepy.

7. Of course, Santa can always enjoy a good time now and then.

But dancing with a woman who's not Mrs. Claus? That'll probably put him in the North Pole doghouse for awhile. Bad Santa.

But dancing with a woman who’s not Mrs. Claus? That’ll probably put him in the North Pole doghouse for awhile. Bad Santa.

8. May your Christmas with friends and family make you as chummy as these clams.

To be fair, this is a British card. However, why they have standing clams looking at a ship is the question. Yeah, probably inspired by a Victorian drug trip.

To be fair, this is a British card. However, why they have standing clams looking at a ship is the question. Yeah, probably inspired by a Victorian drug trip.

9. Merry Christmas from Santa on his magic carpet ride.

Yes, I know what you're thinking. Here we have Santa on a magic carpet with a jet plane in the background. Aladdin and Jasmine were in a similar situation on SNL.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. Here we have Santa on a magic carpet with a jet plane in the background. Aladdin and Jasmine were in a similar situation on SNL.

10. This Christmas please make sure you mind what you’re cooking for dinner.

Because you'll never know what kind of brown ball thing would jump at you. Yes, that goose really didn't know what was coming to her.

Because you’ll never know what kind of brown ball thing would jump at you. Yes, that goose really didn’t know what was coming to her.

11. Christmas dinner monster wishes you a merry Christmas.

Talk about your food coming to life and haunting your dreams. Really don't want to know what that thing is.

Talk about your food coming to life and haunting your dreams. Really don’t want to know what that thing is.

12. “Don’t you remember when you felt like this on Christmas morning?”

What do you mean? Getting the shakes? Because this boy seems like he's possessed by some demon or something. I mean something's not right with him.

What do you mean? Getting the shakes? Because this boy seems like he’s possessed by some demon or something. I mean something’s not right with him.

13. Somewhere in town Santa stops to take a smoking break.

And these boys just have to pop up to steal some of his stash behind his back. Nice, kids. what a great way to get yourselves on the naughty list.

And these boys just have to pop up to steal some of his stash behind his back. Nice, kids. what a great way to get yourselves on the naughty list.

14. Merry Christmas now enjoy this picture of a child performing a circus act with a dog riding a pig.

I really have no idea what the hell this has to do with Christmas. Yet, let's hope the dog and pig don't get whipped by the kid.

I really have no idea what the hell this has to do with Christmas. Yet, let’s hope the dog and pig don’t get whipped by the kid.

15. You never know what goes on in your Christmas tree.

After all, a red Christmas candle could be making out with a sugar plum for all I know. Still, don't know why they thought this was a good idea.

After all, a red Christmas candle could be making out with a sugar plum for all I know. But the sugar plum will have to watch out if he doesn’t want to get burned. Still, don’t know why they thought this was a good idea.

16. On Christmas, holly always goes well with mistletoe.

And it looks like these children are about to kiss each other in a romantic embrace which isn't age appropriate in the least. Seriously, if they wanted to do a card of holly and mistletoe making out why use kids? Couldn't they just use 2 adults instead?

And it looks like these children are about to kiss each other in a romantic embrace which isn’t age appropriate in the least. Seriously, if they wanted to do a card of holly and mistletoe making out why use kids? Couldn’t they just use 2 adults instead? That’s not right.

17. Of course, there’s always that one kid who’s cared of Santa Claus.

This is especially the case when Santa tends to resemble an old red suited dwarf from the Hobbit who's no bigger than the kid. Yeah, I can see why that kid would freak out.

This is especially the case when Santa tends to resemble an old red suited dwarf from the Hobbit who’s no bigger than the kid. Yeah, I can see why that kid would freak out.

18. Children are always excited to see what Santa left for them under the tree.

But Santa better watch out for these children, especially the younger one. Because if he didn't bring them what they wanted, that dark hair kid is sure to commit bloody murder on him.

But Santa better watch out for these children, especially the younger one. Because if he didn’t bring them what they wanted, that dark hair kid is sure to commit bloody murder on him.

19. Pothead wishes you compliments of the season.

Yes, this gives a whole new meaning to the term, "pothead." And I'm sure he'll pour boiling water on you if you piss him off. Still, wouldn't be surprised if this card was designed by potheads though it was made before the 1960s.

Yes, this gives a whole new meaning to the term, “pothead.” And I’m sure he’ll pour boiling water on you if you piss him off. Still, wouldn’t be surprised if this card was designed by potheads though it was made before the 1960s.

20. Hope you have all the luck this Christmas.

Once again, we have offensive black stereotypes at the forefront. No, I don't think a black maid and her daughter will have much luck. Still, racism was prevalent in this time and it shows.

Once again, we have offensive black stereotypes at the forefront. No, I don’t think a black maid and her daughter will have much luck. Still, racism was prevalent in this time and it shows.

21. Remember, kids, be good this Christmas or the Krampus will get you.

Even St. Nick is like, "Jesus, Krampus, you're supposed to kidnap spoiled brats! Those are fucking babies! Not cool."

Even St. Nick is like, “Jesus, Krampus, you’re supposed to kidnap spoiled brats! Those are fucking babies! Not cool.”

22. Like Santa, Krampus even has his own little helpers to assist him.

Though Krampus tends to kidnap and punish naughty children on Christmas, he likes to involve his kids in the trade. For a scary guy like him, you at least have to respect that.

Though Krampus tends to kidnap and punish naughty children on Christmas, he likes to involve his kids in the trade. For a scary guy like him, you at least have to respect that.

23. How about Krampus join you riding on your rocking horse?

Okay, I can understand why this kid can be scared since Krampus has chains. But somehow I find it hard to take seriously.

Okay, I can understand why this kid can be scared since Krampus has chains. But somehow I find it hard to take seriously.

24. As we all know, once Santa makes a stop, it’s down the chimney he goes.

I don't know about Santa's face in this one. For some reason, he doesn't seem like his jolly old self here.

I don’t know about Santa’s face in this one. For some reason, he doesn’t seem like his jolly old self here. Guess the work must really get to him.

25. Instead of Santa Claus giving presents from his sack in his sleigh, how about an angel shooting present from a tank?

After shooting presents from a tank is much more efficient. Still, this just strange to me.

After shooting presents from a tank is much more efficient. Still, this just strange to me.

26. Christmas time is always one of merriment and good cheer.

However, if you belong to a group of street musicians, you might want to watch out for old ladies dumping water on you. Hate to be the drummer here.

However, if you belong to a group of street musicians, you might want to watch out for old ladies dumping water on you. Hate to be the drummer here.

27. “As the master of Christmas ceremonies, I declare we have ribs as the main course.”

Yes, I know what you're thinking. See the king dub the ribs while the poultry and pigs are watching in clothes. Don't ask me to make sense of it.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. See the king dub the ribs while the poultry and pigs are watching in clothes. Don’t ask me to make sense of it.

28. This Christmas, perhaps take your time to see the frog parade.

You tend to see frogs a lot in Victorian Christmas cards for some strange reason. And this consists of a frog procession. Don't ask me why.

You tend to see frogs a lot in Victorian Christmas cards for some strange reason. And this consists of a frog procession. Don’t ask me why.

29. Speaking of frogs, these stretching ones wish a merry Christmas to you.

Once again, I can't explain this. Nor do I understand why they have their legs in the air. Perhaps this is a frog aerobic session for all I know.

Once again, I can’t explain this. Nor do I understand why they have their legs in the air. Perhaps this is a frog aerobic session for all I know. Or did they just fall on the ice?

30. Celebrate this Christmas like a group of drunk birds this time of year.

Even the cat is like, "Man, this is fucked up." Two of them are even passed out on their backs. Guess they must really party hard.

Even the cat is like, “Man, this is fucked up.” Two of them are even passed out on their backs. Guess they must really party hard.

31. “Do you want to build a snowman?”

Of course, in Victorian times, building a snowman with your friends was one way you could freak out the neighbors. Olaf from Frozen it ain't.

Of course, in Victorian times, building a snowman with your friends was one way you could freak out the neighbors. Olaf from Frozen it ain’t.

32. Aside from making toys and answering letters, sometimes Santa takes to the spinning wheel.

For some reason, not only is Santa skinny, but he also doesn't seem to be jolly. Guess he's pissed that he had to go on a diet and now takes spinning every time he things about food other than meal times.

For some reason, not only is Santa skinny, but he also doesn’t seem to be jolly. Guess he’s pissed that he had to go on a diet and now takes spinning every time he things about food other than meal times.

33. “Susie, I have for you a new doll just what you always wanted.”

Uh, Susie, are you sure that's Santa and not some creep with a windowless carriage? Because I have my doubts.

Uh, Susie, are you sure that’s Santa and not some creep with a windowless carriage? Because I have my doubts.

34. “Well! This looks good.”

Santa seems to have his eye on the sleeping girl here. Yeah, that looks very creepy if you ask me.

Santa seems to have his eye on the sleeping girl here. Yeah, that looks very creepy if you ask me.

35. Nothing says Christmas like a couple of chickens sled riding.

Even crazier is that they have human hands. Don't ask me why they thought it was a good idea. It was probably inspired by a Victorian acid trip.

Even crazier is that they have human hands. Don’t ask me why they thought it was a good idea. It was probably inspired by a Victorian acid trip.

36. Remember, kids, don’t interrupt Frosty the Snowman when he’s sleeping in.

Or else, you'll probably end up like these kids if you disturb him. Yes, you wouldn't want to be around Frosty when he's angry.

Or else, you’ll probably end up like these kids if you disturb him. Yes, you wouldn’t want to be around Frosty when he’s angry.

37. “May Christmas time be full of pleasure/And Santa bring you many a treasure.”

From Bytes: "An extraordinarily gifted child with the brush. Is it me or does the ladder seem to not be leaning against the wall at the right angle when compared to the writing?" He better watch it if he doesn't want to break his neck.

From Bytes: “An extraordinarily gifted child with the brush. Is it me or does the ladder seem to not be leaning against the wall at the right angle when compared to the writing?” He better watch it if he doesn’t want to break his neck.

38. “Wishing you a right merry Christmas!”

Don't worry, kids, the creepy clown is too busy eating to kill you at the moment. Still, don't go near him since he's holding a knife.

Don’t worry, kids, the creepy clown is too busy eating to kill you at the moment. Still, don’t go near him since he’s holding a knife.

39. Some children buy Christmas cards, some make their own.

"I'll send this one to my cousin Lucy and inside I'll write that I hope she comes to a terrible and painful end. That'll show her not to steal my stamp collection."

“I’ll send this one to my cousin Lucy and inside I’ll write that I hope she comes to a terrible and painful end. That’ll show her not to steal my stamp collection.”

40. These birds wish you a joyful yuletide.

Yet, as to why they're flying in a holly wreath, I have absolutely no idea. I mean.birds fly while holly leaves have thorns on them.

Yet, as to why they’re flying in a holly wreath, I have absolutely no idea. I mean.birds fly while holly leaves have thorns on them.

41. On Christmas, treat yourself to dinner and a show.

Well, I've heard the expression "dinner and a show" but this is utterly ridiculous. This is especially since they each have their heads on a plate.

Well, I’ve heard the expression “dinner and a show” but this is utterly ridiculous. This is especially since they each have their heads on a plate.

42. Looks like Santa decided to drop in this time of night on Christmas Eve.

However, looking at the window, I have a reasonable suspicion he showed up early because he thinks the mom is hot. Sure he may be naughty here, but it's possible these kids will receive wonderful Christmas presents.

However, looking at the window, I have a reasonable suspicion he showed up early because he thinks the mom is hot. Sure he may be naughty here, but it’s possible these kids will receive wonderful Christmas presents.

43. A merry Christmas to the woman who snagged Frosty the Snowman’s head.

Okay, this is messed up on so many levels. The snowman has no body yet, he's smiling. What the hell?

Okay, this is messed up on so many levels. The snowman has no body yet, he’s smiling. What the hell?

44. Merry Christmas and hope you can hunt foxes from that toy horse.

I know that fox hunts are customary in England. But toy horse hunts? What?

I know that fox hunts are customary in England. But toy horse hunts? What?

45. On Christmas Eve, you can expect Santa to to give you presents from his large sack of toys.

However, this Santa has a very sinister grin on his face that might suggest he plans to do something terrible once he's down the chimney. I don't know what but I have a bad feeling about this.

However, this Santa has a very sinister grin on his face that might suggest he plans to do something terrible once he’s down the chimney. I don’t know what but I have a bad feeling about this.

46. Merry Christmas and please accept your presents dropped from the plane.

These kids receive gifts and baskets from the plane like they're expecting relief packaging. And there's no Santa in sight.

These kids receive gifts and baskets from the plane like they’re expecting relief packaging. And there’s no Santa in sight.

47. A merry Christmas from the snowman trying to keep dry.

Because it seems like he's not enjoying the yuletide season for good reason. Guess he'll become snow slush any time now.

Because it seems like he’s not enjoying the yuletide season for good reason. Guess he’ll become snow slush any time now.

48. The yam man would like to extend his Christmas greetings.

Okay, he has the head of a man. Yet, his body is all roots. Please don't ask me. I have no idea why they thought it would make a good Christmas card.

Okay, he has the head of a man. Yet, his body is all roots. Please don’t ask me. I have no idea why they thought it would make a good Christmas card.

49. For Christmas, anyone is lucky to see 2 angles on a motorcycle.

Not sure if angel robes would make great to ride a motorcycle like that. Also, don't they have wings to use for flying? Doesn't make sense.

Not sure if angel robes would make great to ride a motorcycle like that. Also, don’t they have wings to use for flying? Doesn’t make sense.

50.  These cats are outside this Christmas waiting to greet you.

Because nothing says Christmas like seeing cats in tall hats armed with clubs. Don't like how this is going down.

Because nothing says Christmas like seeing cats in tall hats armed with clubs. Guess “greet” means “bet senseless to the ground.” Don’t like how this will going down.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Third Edition)

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During the summer time, while the rest of us are having fun in the sun and possibly going on vacation if they’re lucky, many of your favorite celebrity music performers are busy recording their Christmas albums. So by this time, they’d be ready for sale this holiday season so you and your loved ones can enjoy some holiday favorites. Of course, Christmas albums have been all the rage for a very long time. I ought to know since I already completed two posts of some of the bad covers. And I decided to do another since the depth of bad Christmas album covers is endless. Sure you might find them horrifying beyond description like a trainwreck or this year’s election (which saw an unrespectable man ascend to the presidency and over 60 million people were conned into voting for him). Yet, you might some unintentionally funny. And if you’re over a certain age, you might find some Christmas album covers on here that you’d rather forget. So for your holiday reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of horrendous Christmas albums from yesterday.

  1. Dr. Duke Tumatoe: It’s Christmas
Yet, there's a blurb that says, "(Let's have sex)." As if I think a guy like that in a Santa suit is sexy. Not.

Yet, there’s a blurb that says, “(Let’s have sex).” As if I think a guy like that in a Santa suit is sexy. Actually, it’s kind of creepy.

An album featuring a dancing Santa is always a delight to look at.

2. Bob Dylan: Sings Holiday Favorites

Yeah, that Santa hat is totally photoshopped. Also, Dylan, if you should release a Christmas album the next time, let it be one where you write the songs.

Yeah, that Santa hat is totally photoshopped. Also, Dylan, if you should release a Christmas album the next time, let it be one where you write the songs.

If you like Christmas music and crave the nasal voices of folk rock, this album is for you.

3. Garth Brooks: Garth Brooks & the Magic of Christmas

So I guess that Garth Brooks moonlights as a fortune teller. Or some sort of dark seer bandit from the Old West.

So I guess that Garth Brooks moonlights as a fortune teller. Or some sort of dark seer bandit from the Old West.

If you’re into Christmas, country, and the occult supernatural, Garth Brooks got you covered.

4. Raymond Lefevre and His Orchestra: Merry Christmas

That stack of presents doesn't look steady and seems about ready to fall. But the woman in here doesn't seem upset about it at all. She just keeps smiling.

That stack of presents doesn’t look steady and seems about ready to fall. But the woman in here doesn’t seem upset about it at all. She just keeps smiling.

This album cover shows you can never carry enough presents in your hands.

5. 38 Special: A Wild-Eyed Christmas

Okay, eyeball ornaments are utterly creepy and not suited for Christmas at all. So why did they think this album cover was a good idea?

Okay, eyeball ornaments are utterly creepy and not suited for Christmas at all. So why did they think this album cover was a good idea?

During the yuletide season, even the ornaments have their eyes on you.

6. Kenny Chesney: All I Want For Christmas Is a Real Assed Tan

I heard that Kenny Chesney used a similar photo shot for his audition for Magic Mike but was rejected. So he decided to go for a variation for his Christmas album.

I heard that Kenny Chesney used a similar photo shot for his audition for Magic Mike but was rejected. So he decided to go for a variation for his Christmas album. Still, spending time on the beach isn’t Christmas to me.

Because nothing says a country Christmas like wintering in Boca Raton.

7. John Waters: A John Waters Christmas

To be fair, he's more of a dark comic writer. Yet, if there's a fire in your house, you just have to do something about it. Like get a fire extinguisher and call 911.

To be fair, he’s more of a dark comic writer. Yet, if there’s a fire in your house, you just have to do something about it. Like get a fire extinguisher and call 911.

For John Waters not even a fire among the presents will keep him from enjoying the holiday season.

8. The Mistletoe Disco Band: Christmas Disco

Yes, Christmas disco albums do exist. But at least this album didn't feature Santa Claus in a red polyester suit. Because that would've been worse.

Yes, Christmas disco albums do exist. But at least this album didn’t feature Santa Claus in a red polyester suit. Because that would’ve been worse.

Now you can listen to your Christmas favorites to the sound that reminds you of the 1970s or Europeans.

9. Chabelo: Chabelo en Navidad

Sure he'll freeze his ass off in these clothes. But to add insult to injury, he's also wearing socks with sandals. You know committing one of the cardinal sins of fashion.

Sure he’ll freeze his ass off in these clothes during the winter. But to add insult to injury, he’s also wearing socks with sandals. You know committing one of the cardinal sins of fashion.

For there is no better winter attire than your golf course attire in May.

10. Les Chaussettes Noires

It's even funnier that they're dressed with red capes on their heads and robes. It's like they're dressed in a cross between Merlin and Santa Claus. Yes, it's kind of weird.

It’s even funnier that they’re dressed with red capes on their heads and robes. It’s like they’re dressed in a cross between Merlin and Santa Claus. Yes, it’s kind of weird.

Ever imagined a Santa rock band? Now you don’t need to.

11. Christmas Disco Party

Yeah, Santa, wait until Mrs. Claus finds out about you and that blonde. Boy, you're sleeping in the doghouse tonight.

Yeah, Santa, wait until Mrs. Claus finds out about you and that blonde. Boy, you’re sleeping in the doghouse tonight.

That moment when Santa comes to his senses that fooling around with a dancing swimsuit model might put him on the naughty list.

12. Midnight String Quartet: Christmas Rhapsodies for Young Lovers

Sure they may list traditional hits. But the vibes I get from this picture is "Baby It's Cold Outside."

Sure they may list traditional hits. But the vibes I get from this picture is “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” You know the one where the woman wants to go home while the guy wants her to stay and well, you get the idea.

Finally, a the kind of Christmas album that can get 20-somethings in the mood for romance.

13. Liberace: Twas the Night Before Christmas

So what did Liberace do to get a coat of so much fur? Shoot a polar bear? Seems reasonable enough.

So what did Liberace do to get a coat of so much fur? Shoot a polar bear? Seems reasonable enough.

Because it Can’t be Christmas without seeing Liberace in his long fur coat of glory.

14. Gayla Peevey: I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

You probably remember the song on this album. But at least the cover goes to great lengths why any child shouldn't want a hippopotamus for Christmas. I mean hippos kill more people in Africa than lions.

You probably remember the song on this album. But at least the cover goes to great lengths why any child shouldn’t want a hippopotamus for Christmas. I mean hippos kill more people in Africa than lions.

For nothing makes a girl jump for joy on Christmas than a scarily dressed hippo that could eat her alive.

15. Sufjan Stevens: Sufjan Stevens Presents Astral Interplanetary Space Captain Christmas Infinity Voyage

Too bad the space captain will probably suffocate in there and die. Since a turban won't protect him in the vacuum of space. Also, that's not Sufjan Stevens.

Too bad the space captain will probably suffocate in there and die. Since a turban won’t protect him in the vacuum of space. Also, that’s not Sufjan Stevens.

Sufjan Stevens would like to wish you all Merry Christmas from space.

16. Lawrence Welk: Christmas Memories

My dad used to dread watching Lawrence Welk when he was a kid. Looking at this album cover, I can totally understand why. He seems like he could break into your house and kill you with an accordion any moment.

My dad used to dread watching Lawrence Welk when he was a kid. Looking at this album cover, I can totally understand why. He seems like he could break into your house and kill you with an accordion any moment.

Nothing says Christmas like bandleader being a massive creep in his Santa suit.

17. Merry Cajun Christmas Volume Two

Uh, doesn't Santa have a sleigh that he doesn't need to row among gators? Or creepy banjo players? Seriously, he has a flying reindeer pulled sleigh for God's sake!

Uh, doesn’t Santa have a sleigh that he doesn’t need to row among gators? Or creepy banjo players? Seriously, he has a flying reindeer pulled sleigh for God’s sake!

Santa Claus has to be a brave man to deliver presents to the boys and girls while dodging a river of hungry gators.

18. Eartha Kitt: Santa Baby

At least Eartha Kitt's pose sitting on Santa's lap doesn't shy away from what the song is about. Of course, Mrs. Claus wouldn't approve.

At least Eartha Kitt’s pose sitting on Santa’s lap doesn’t shy away from what the song is about. Of course, Mrs. Claus wouldn’t approve.

For some women just can’t help but think Santa Claus as the ultimate sugar daddy.

19. Afroman: Afroman’s Colt 45 Christmas: Original Uncut Version

This Christmas album cover is kind of depressing if you ask me. It could just as well be used for the soundtrack to The Wire.

This Christmas album cover is kind of depressing if you ask me. It seems like a more appropriate cover for the soundtrack to the Wire, than on anything to do with the holidays.

As we know Christmas can be a time of cold weather and cold malt liquor.

20. Cyndi Lauper: Merry Christmas….Have a Nice Life!

Guess she's thinking, "Oh, God, why did they make me do this? And how long do I have to sit next to this red suited creep?"

Guess she’s thinking, “Oh, God, why did they make me do this? And how long do I have to sit next to this red suited creep?”

For some reason, Cyndi Lauper always dreaded visiting Santa at the mall.

21. The Hiltonaires with the Tony Mansell Singers: Swingin’ in a Winter Wonderland

Don't ask me but Sant seems a bit pervy toward that girl in this one. And I'm not sure how old this girl is. Sure hope she's 18.

Don’t ask me but Sant seems a bit pervy toward that girl in this one. And I’m not sure how old this girl is. Sure hope she’s 18.

Santa Claus always enjoys dancing with skimpy clad women around the Christmas tree.

22. The Pac Man Christmas Story

So I guess this story consists of gorging through a maze without being seen by goblins. Because that's what the game is like.

So I guess this story consists of gorging through a maze without being seen by goblins. Because that’s what the game is like. Yet, this suggests otherwise.

Ever wish you had a Christmas album of an Atari video game. Look no further.

23. Student Nurses Sing the Season In

Hits include: "They Three Drunks of SantaCon Are," "Bedpans We Have Heard on High," "I'll Be On Call for Christmas," and "Away in a Gurney." You know stuff nurses have to deal with over the holidays.

Hits include: “They Three Drunks of SantaCon Are,” “Bedpans We Have Heard on High,” “I’ll Be On Call for Christmas,” and “Away in a Gurney.” You know stuff nurses have to deal with over the holidays.

For nothing brings bright holiday cheer than student nurses singing Christmas carols.

24. What Can You Get a Wookie For Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb?)

Yes, they did songs like these back in the day. They even had a Star Wars Christmas special. Still, this cover of Chewbacca is hilarious.

Yes, they did songs like these back in the day. They even had a Star Wars Christmas special. Still, this cover of Chewbacca is hilarious.

Uh, I can guess a set of hair brushes and combs suited for musk oxen. Or a vacuum to clean up after himself?

25. Henry Mancini, His Orchestra, and Chorus: A Merry Mancini Christmas

Still, it doesn't seem like the who crew really wants to participate. His daughter next to his wife seems like she's dragged into doing the stupid photoshoot and feels like the kids at school will make fun at her for it. On the bright side, I hope it has some Christmas songs in the Pink Panther or Peter Gunn theme. That would be awesome.

Still, it doesn’t seem like the who crew really wants to participate. His daughter next to his wife seems like she’s dragged into doing the stupid photoshoot and feels like the kids at school will make fun at her for it. On the bright side, I hope it has some Christmas songs in the Pink Panther or Peter Gunn theme. That would be awesome.

Of course, when you’re a famous composer it helps to put your family on the Christmas album cover.

26. Universal Robot Band: Disco Christmas

This whole album design seems like it was madeby someone on acid. Because nothing about it makes any logical sense.

This whole album design seems like it was madeby someone on acid. Because nothing about it makes any logical sense.

Listen to the songs that would make Santa and his reindeer boogie this holiday season in space.

27. Pepsi Feliz Navidad!

Okay, I know they're drinking pop. But did they really have to show kids drinking from wine glasses? Because it looks like a classic case of underage drinking.

Okay, I know they’re drinking pop, not red wine. But did they really have to show kids drinking from wine glasses? Because it looks like a classic case of underage drinking.

The holidays are always a time of year to give a toast to new beginnings.

28. Lawrence Welk: Merry Christmas from Lawrence Welk and His Champagne Music

Because if his nightmarish face didn't scare you, note his tree seems covered in cobwebs. And no, that sight doesn't make me merry.

Because if his nightmarish face didn’t scare you, note his tree seems covered in cobwebs. And no, that sight doesn’t make me merry.

Merry Christmas from the creepy bandleader your grandparents probably like and his nightmare before Christmas tree.

29. Le Vrai Pere Noel Chante

That kid in buckskin really doesn't look like an Indian. And I'm not sure about the kid in Asian dress either. Also, the Santa with these kids is guaranteed to haunt your dreams.

That kid in buckskin really doesn’t look like an Indian. And I’m not sure about the kid in Asian dress either. Also, the Santa with these kids is guaranteed to haunt your dreams.

Think of it as a Village People children’s Christmas album but more racist.

30. Leon Russell: Moonlight & Love Songs

To be fair, the late Leon Russell did perform at Woodstock and was renowned in his own right. But his Christmas album makes him seem like Santa who knows that you've been really bad this year. Not sure why the dog is here.

To be fair, the late Leon Russell did perform at Woodstock and was renowned in his own right. But his Christmas album makes him seem like Santa who knows that you’ve been really bad this year. Not sure why the dog is here.

There’s nothing like it on Christmas than posing for an album with the dog that best matches your beard in a black background.

31. Charles Bronson: Twas the Night Before Bronson

I find it hard to imagine a guy like Charles Bronson having a Christmas album unless it includes anything revenge oriented. Also, that Christmas hat doesn't help matters at all.

I find it hard to imagine a guy like Charles Bronson having a Christmas album unless it includes anything revenge oriented. Also, that Christmas hat doesn’t help matters at all.

Now you can hear action star Charles Bronson sing your holiday favorites.

32. Antonio Fargas: It’s Christmas

On Starsky and Hutch, Huggy Bear was a police informant who talked jive and was ethically ambiguous. He also dressed flashy and operated his own bar. You can guess where this is going....

On Starsky and Hutch, Huggy Bear was a police informant who talked jive and was ethically ambiguous. He also dressed flashy and operated his own bar. You can guess where this is going….

Fans of Starsky and Hutch will certainly like this Christmas album from Huggy Bear.

33. Michala Petri: Noel! Noel! Noel! Christmas with Michala Petri

It's said Ms. Petri has her choir boys to surround her in order to keep her warm as she plays her bassoon. Yeah, I know the snowy backdrop bit doesn't make sense.

It’s said Ms. Petri has her choir boys to surround her in order to keep her warm as she plays her bassoon. Yeah, I know the snowy backdrop bit doesn’t make sense.

Nothing says Christmas like a singer surrounded by choir boys in a snowy mountain backdrop.

34. Roger Whittaker: The Roger Whittaker Christmas Album

If it weren't for that fur coat, you'd think this man would just be some guy on the street who's secretly a serial killer. Then again, maybe I assume too much.

If it weren’t for that fur coat, you’d think this man would just be some guy on the street who’s secretly a serial killer. Then again, maybe I assume too much.

Or the kind of album you’d expect to be made by that freaky guy in accounting.

35. Tijuana Voices with Brass: Sing Merry Christmas

However, according to the album, they even suggest that Tijuana women are known for their distinctive mustaches. Don't say we didn't warn you.

However, according to the album, they even suggest that Tijuana women are known for their distinctive mustaches. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Christmas time is always a festive occasion in Tijuana, Mexico.

36. Exciting Christmas Stories

Batman looks as if he has rabies while Wondy and Superman don't seem concerned about it. Okay, he's wearing a Santa beard. But still, it's disturbing.

Batman looks as if he has rabies while Wondy and Superman don’t seem concerned about it. Okay, he’s wearing a Santa beard. But still, it’s disturbing.

Kids, share your Christmas by listening to tales about your favorite DC Comics superheroes.

37. Elton John: Elton John’s Christmas Party

Uh, Elton, I like your music and all. But I think we're all a bit freaked out about you having a record at your crotch. Just letting you know.

Uh, Elton, I like your music and all. But I think we’re all a bit freaked out about you having a record at your crotch. Just letting you know.

Celebrate Christmas with the music of the legendary Sir Elton John.

38. Liberace: Christmas Memories

Now I can understand why Liberace decides to dress in lavish furs at the piano. Yeah, too gangster.

Now I can understand why Liberace decides to dress in lavish furs at the piano. Yeah, too gangster.

Those who want to see Liberace dressed as Nucky Thompson need not look further.

39. Wham!: Last Christmas

From First Draft: "Poor Andrew Ridgely. Wasn’t it bad enough to be George Michael’s sidekick? They had to make the poor bastard a reindeer. I hope no Norwegian tried to eat him. That would not be Whamtastic."

From First Draft: “Poor Andrew Ridgely. Wasn’t it bad enough to be George Michael’s sidekick? They had to make the poor bastard a reindeer. I hope no Norwegian tried to eat him. That would not be Whamtastic.”

Fans of George Michael might enjoy listening to the earworm sappy Christmas song that’s annoying as hell. Seriously, I hate this song with a passion.

40. Garvis

From Turntabling: "I don’t even want to know what THIS bunch is on about. It looks like a prison lineup, but ESPECIALLY the guy on the far left. What the hell’s going on in THIS gent’s head? Images of sugarplums, no doubt, slicing up the neighborhood winos and barbecuing pets on a wood stove."

From Turntabling: “I don’t even want to know what THIS bunch is on about. It looks like a prison lineup, but ESPECIALLY the guy on the far left. What the hell’s going on in THIS gent’s head? Images of sugarplums, no doubt, slicing up the neighborhood winos and barbecuing pets on a wood stove.”

Because Christmas can’t get more into the Disco years than this.

41. Ruth Lyons: Ten Tunes of Christmas

Well, it's not quite a Charlie Brown Tree. Yet, even decorating it in tinsel and ornaments can't make it look festive. So sad. But I guess they had to make it work.

Well, it’s not quite a Charlie Brown Tree. Yet, even decorating it in tinsel and ornaments can’t make it look festive. So sad. But I guess they had to make it work.

That moment when you had to settle for the last tree at the Christmas tree farm and have to do a family Christmas card at the family owned hotel.

42. Homer and Jethro: Cool Crazy Christmas with Homer & Jethro

However, seeing them dressed up as kids in this is a very different story. Seriously, guys, you're creeping me out.

However, seeing them dressed up as kids in this is a very different story. Seriously, guys, you’re creeping me out.

Nothing says Christmas like seeing a couple of grown men playing with toys.

43. Thore Skogmans Julkivia: Klappa Pa

For all we know, he could just be luring this kid to put in a sack and do terrible things to him in his windowless van. But what do I know?

For all we know, he could just be luring this kid to put in a sack and do terrible things to him in his windowless van. But what do I know?

Remember, kids, just because a guy is in a Santa suit doesn’t mean he’s nice.

44. The Oak Ridge Boys: Christmas

From Flashbak: "Three of these guys belong in either a seedy bus station or a rustic log cabin – not a tacky eighties living room. Like matzo balls in clam chowder, they do not belong."

From Flashbak: “Three of these guys belong in either a seedy bus station or a rustic log cabin – not a tacky eighties living room. Like matzo balls in clam chowder, they do not belong.”

There’s nothing on Christmas like seeing a bunch of bearded guys enjoying themselves around the tree.

45. William Hung: Hung for the Holidays

From NME: "It doesn’t bode well for a Christmas album when its cover looks like a MS Paint rush job, with the artist’s face crudely dropped in. Also William, we get why you called your record ‘Hung For The Holidays’ but given suicide rates across Europe and America reach record highs around this time of year, is this really the best possible title? Really?"

From NME: “It doesn’t bode well for a Christmas album when its cover looks like a MS Paint rush job, with the artist’s face crudely dropped in. Also William, we get why you called your record ‘Hung For The Holidays’ but given suicide rates across Europe and America reach record highs around this time of year, is this really the best possible title? Really?”

For fans of the American Idol reject William Hung, I’m sure you’ll find his Christmas album a delight.

46. Raffi: Raffi’s Christmas Album

From Flashbak: "Imagine seeing this at your bedside when you wake up Christmas morn, (shudder)" Yes. this will certainly inspire nightmares.

From Flashbak: “Imagine seeing this at your bedside when you wake up Christmas morn, (shudder)” Yes. this will certainly inspire nightmares.

So that’s what Raffi actually looked like in real life. Not how I expected.

47. Dave Boyer: Joy & Happiness at Christmas

From Flashbak: "I don’t need to tell you that your wife with fake tan and your crummy living room shouldn’t be on the cover of your album; clearly, this wasn’t conveyed to Dave Boyer. For the curious, his daughter is holding “Reach Out” a hip version of the New Testament."

From Flashbak: “I don’t need to tell you that your wife with fake tan and your crummy living room shouldn’t be on the cover of your album; clearly, this wasn’t conveyed to Dave Boyer. For the curious, his daughter is holding “Reach Out” a hip version of the New Testament.”

Unfortunately, Mrs. Boyer’s trip to the tanning salon didn’t turn out well.

48. Torben & Klaus: Svingnissen – Dansemus

From Flashbak: "Where’s mom, you ask? Look into that girl’s eyes – the eyes of the purest evil – and you’ll have your answer."

From Flashbak: “Where’s mom, you ask? Look into that girl’s eyes – the eyes of the purest evil – and you’ll have your answer.”

This family would like to send their Christmas wishes and may your yuletide season be filled with love.

49. Leroy Andersen: A Christmas Festival with Leroy Andersen

From Flashbak: "This looks nothing at all like a festival. This is an old man taking notes…. perhaps they should have researched the term “festival” a bit more."

From Flashbak: “This looks nothing at all like a festival. This is an old man taking notes…. perhaps they should have researched the term “festival” a bit more.”

Apparently, this guy doesn’t really know what festival means. Or he wasn’t invited so he’s taking notes.

50. Music for Dreaming

From Go Retro: "No wonder I always wake up with a headache! After a long day of cross country skiing, there's nothing better then taking a nap in the snow and dreaming that I'm a 50 foot woman about to be rammed in the head by cars."

From Go Retro: “No wonder I always wake up with a headache! After a long day of cross country skiing, there’s nothing better then taking a nap in the snow and dreaming that I’m a 50 foot woman about to be rammed in the head by cars.”

For those tired of all the Christmas commercialism, this is the album for you.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen on These Christmas Treats (Third Edition)

christmas-dinner

Since Christmas is a time of celebration with family and friends, it should surprise no one that food plays a critical role. Sure you may have a turkey or ham at the center along with delectable sides like mashed potatoes. But you also have a tone of desserts like pie, cake, cookies, and others. Let’s just say, this is a big holiday for food. So much so, that January is usually a month when fitness companies and gyms try to cash in on people’s New Year’s resolutions. In the last two years, I’ve created Christmas treat posts to show all the unique food items you might see on a yuletide table. Yet, these usually contain Christmas motifs like Santas and snowflakes. And I plan to do so again for this year since there are so many things you can find on Pinterest. So for your holiday reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Christmas goodies for your heart’s desire.

  1. Grace your Christmas platter this year with this wreath veggie tray.
I put one of these in a post 2 years ago. Yet, this one contains carrots and cucumbers.

I put one of these in a post 2 years ago. Yet, this one contains carrots, peppers, and cucumbers.

2. A Christmas wreath snack platter is especially cheesy.

Well, it has a few kinds of cheese plus olives. Gives the wreath a little more color doesn't it?

Well, it has a few kinds of cheese plus olives. Gives the wreath a little more color doesn’t it?

3. You’ve heard of the cookie gingerbread man. But have you’ve seen gingerbread cookie sticks?

Yes, they're iced as gingerbread men. Yet, they're convenient for on the road. Enjoy.

Yes, they’re iced as gingerbread men. Yet, they’re convenient for on the road. Enjoy.

4. These Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer cookies make a tasty snack.

All it takes are vanilla wafers, pretzels, and chocolate. Yet, these do look adorable enough to eat, don't they?

All it takes are vanilla wafers, pretzels, and chocolate. Yet, these do look adorable enough to eat, don’t they?

5. Instead of a Christmas candle on your dessert platter, how about a Christmas candle cake?

Don't worry, the candle part is at the top which isn't edible anyway. But I do like the holly leaves and berries.

Don’t worry, the candle part is at the top which isn’t edible anyway. But I do like the holly leaves and berries.

6. Ever imagined having a cake with a Christmas tree inside?

This one does and it's chocolate, too. How they do this is beyond me.

This one does and it’s chocolate, too. How they do this is beyond me.

7. There’s nothing more jolly this Christmas than these Santa Claus cookies.

And yes, they have the big guy in the red suit and hat. Love the icing beard and chocolate chip eyes.

And yes, they have the big guy in the red suit and hat. Love the icing beard and chocolate chip eyes.

8. These bauble cake pops are a great addition for a yuletide dessert platter.

These are in red, white, and gold. But they come in so many different designs and aren't as hard to make as others.

These are in red, white, and gold. But they come in so many different designs and aren’t as hard to make as others.

9. You can make Rudolph brownies in a square pan.

In fact, it's preferred that way since these are triangle shaped. Also add pretzel antlers and M&M noses.

In fact, it’s preferred that way since these are triangle shaped. Also add pretzel antlers and M&M noses.

10. These nutcracker cupcake cakes are ideal for any little soldier.

And they don't seem to take many cupcakes to assemble either. Uniforms come in 3 different colors.

And they don’t seem to take many cupcakes to assemble either. Uniforms come in 3 different colors.

11. You can’t have Christmas without a cake of the nativity scene.

This one has the Holy Family and the Star of Bethlehem on top. While the town of Bethlehem is on a lower tier. Yet, all the cake is iced dark to resemble night.

This one has the Holy Family and the Star of Bethlehem on top. While the town of Bethlehem is on a lower tier as well as the shadows of shepherds and wise men. Yet, all the cake is iced dark to resemble night.

12. This snowflake cinnamon bread is said to be a real winter treat.

Last year, I showed bread like this shaped like a Christmas tree. This year I bring you a snowflake, which I actually like better.

Last year, I showed bread like this shaped like a Christmas tree. This year I bring you a snowflake, which I actually like better.

13. You can always use ice cream cones and Kit Kats to make a gingerbread village.

However, don't neglect to decorate it with icing and M&Ms. Now that's a town that's good enough to eat.

However, don’t neglect to decorate it with icing and M&Ms. Now that’s a town that’s good enough to eat.

14. A box of Christmas cake balls is guaranteed to bring you yuletide cheer.

And such a big box it is that it makes these cake pops resemble iced chocolates. Then again, at least some might have chocolate cake filling.

And such a big box it is that it makes these cake pops resemble iced chocolates. Then again, at least some might have chocolate cake filling.

15. To sort your cheeses, arrange them in a Christmas star.

There are also some nuts in the middle if you don't care for the 5 cheese here. At any rate, it's a clever display.

There are also some nuts in the middle if you don’t care for the 5 cheese here. At any rate, it’s a clever display for appetizers.

16. You’ll never know what you’ll open with these gift wrapped Oreos.

Actually, you probably will since they're covered Oreos. But I really love the bows on these.

Actually, you probably will since they’re covered Oreos. But I really love the bows on these.

17. Fans of the Grinch will surely take to these Whoville cookies.

They're cookies made from a roll that's green and red with sprinkles on the edge. Not sure if they're made from scratch but I'll add them to this post.

They’re cookies made from a roll that’s green and red with sprinkles on the edge. Not sure if they’re made from scratch but I’ll add them to this post.

18. Speaking of the Grinch, check out these Christmas cupcakes.

These almost could be taken for Santa cupcakes. Except for the fact that they're green with yellow eyes beneath the Santa hat.

These almost could be taken for Santa cupcakes. Except for the fact that they’re green with yellow eyes beneath the Santa hat.

19. For a simple Christmas snack, may I suggest pretzel presents?

All they require is to paint chocolate at the top and have a bow made of M&Ms. Or icing, if you prefer that.

All they require is to paint chocolate at the top and have a bow made of M&Ms. Or icing, if you prefer that.

20. Arrange your ham, cheese, crackers, and veggies in this appetizer platter Christmas tree.

Two years ago, I had a similar platter that included just cheese and veggies. This one includes ham and crackers, too.

Two years ago, I had a similar platter that included just cheese and veggies. This one includes ham and crackers, too.

21. These bauble cupcakes are guaranteed to bring you Christmas cheer.

After all, they're easier to decorate since they're round. And you can customize them however you'd like.

After all, they’re easier to decorate since they’re round. And you can customize them however you’d like.

22. With this brownie wreath, your Christmas party will be a chocolaty delight.

Some of the wreath is decorated with candy holly leaves and berries. Yet, it's all topped with a fruit roll up bow.

Some of the wreath is decorated with candy holly leaves and berries. Yet, it’s all topped with a fruit roll up bow.

23. Let your dessert platter shine with this Christmas tree cake front and center.

Though this is my 3rd Christmas treat post, I haven't included a Christmas tree cake before. Yet, I do love how it's decked with lights.

Though this is my 3rd Christmas treat post, I haven’t included a Christmas tree cake like this before. Yet, I do love how it’s decked with lights.

24. This gingerbread village was made possible by Hershey’s.

Yes, these houses are made from Hershey's chocolate. Yet, they still look good enough for a chocolate lover to devour.

Yes, these houses are made from Hershey’s chocolate. Yet, they still look good enough for a chocolate lover to devour.

25. Kids will adore these Rudolph pudding cups at your dessert platter.

Each of them comes with candy cane antlers and a red gum drop nose. So adorable.

Each of them comes with candy cane antlers and a red gum drop nose. So adorable.

26. You can’t have a merry and bright Christmas party without poinsettia cookies.

These are almost as pretty as the poinsettia flowers themselves. Yet, while the real flowers are poisonous, these are not.

These are almost as pretty as the poinsettia flowers themselves. Yet, while the real flowers are poisonous, these are not.

27. This snack platter contains a wide variety of cheeses.

Also includes cherry tomatoes and olives. All in all, this is great for a Christmas cocktail party.

Also includes cherry tomatoes and olives. All in all, this is great for a Christmas cocktail party.

28. From the North Pole, this Mrs. Claus cake is a Christmas delight.

This one uses a doll and has her holding a tray with cookies. Nevertheless, I think this is adorable.

This one uses a doll and has her holding a tray with cookies. Nevertheless, I think this is adorable.

29. For a delectable appetizer, try some Christmas tree bread on a stick.

This one consists of bread dough that's squeezed together on a tooth pick. You can also dip it in sauce.

This one consists of bread dough that’s squeezed together on a tooth pick. You can also dip it in sauce.

30. You’ve heard of snow globes. How about snow globe cupcakes?

I think the globe is made from gelatin. At any rate, each of them feature Christmas and winter motifs.

I think the globe is made from gelatin. At any rate, each of them feature Christmas and winter motifs.

31. This gingerbread house cake makes itself at home in a candy cane forest.

Though it only has one house on top, it has a lot of happy gingerbread men. Love the squiggly candy canes.

Though it only has one house on top, it has a lot of happy gingerbread men. Love the squiggly candy canes.

32. There’s nothing on Christmas like some candy cane bread.

Of course, it entails two strips of dough being intertwined in a crook shape. Still, I think it's quite clever.

Of course, it entails two strips of dough being intertwined in a crook shape. Still, I think it’s quite clever.

33. Children will surely root for these Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer cookies.

These use M&M eyes and nose as well as chocolate pretzel antlers. At any rate, they're so adorable.

These use M&M eyes and nose as well as chocolate pretzel antlers. At any rate, they’re so adorable.

34. For an easy Christmas dessert, you might want to go with Christmas tree meringue cookies.

You can even decorate these with sprinkles and a star. Yet, they will always resemble green cream puffs to me.

You can even decorate these with sprinkles and a star. Yet, they will always resemble green cream puffs to me.

35. For a healthy option, you might want to take a bite out of this Christmas candle.

After all, it's made from a carrot stick that's surrounded by cucumbers. And it includes a yellow pepper flame.

After all, it’s made from a carrot stick that’s surrounded by cucumbers. And it includes a yellow pepper flame.

36. This gingerbread house cake is a vibrant and happy Christmas village.

Unlike the gingerbread village cake I showed last year, this one has houses built on the cake tiers. Also, like the happy gingerbread people.

Unlike the gingerbread village cake I showed last year, this one has houses built on the cake tiers. Also, like the happy gingerbread people.

37. Nobody could ever resist these gingerbread bird houses this Christmas season.

You want to feed these to the birds. But each one is decorated in their unique way. Love them.

You want to feed these to the birds. But each one is decorated in their unique way. Love them.

38. Kids will delight in this apple Santa as a healthy treat.

This one has apple slices as the face, and hat. Yet it has marshmallows as the trim and beard.

This one has apple slices as the face, and hat. Yet it has marshmallows as the trim and beard.

39. You can never have a more delightful Christmas dessert than penguin icebox cookies.

Yes, I know penguins come from the Southern Hemisphere and are best known for living in Antarctica. But since they're cute polar creatures, their use on Christmas is understandable.

Yes, I know penguins come from the Southern Hemisphere and are best known for living in Antarctica. But since they’re cute polar creatures, their use on Christmas is understandable.

40. For a winter sweet tooth, it’s best to go with these tousle cap cookies.

Like the Christmas sweater cookies, you can see these are decorated in a wide array of styles. Not sure which one I like the best.

Like the Christmas sweater cookies, you can see these are decorated in a wide array of styles. Not sure which one I like the best.

41. An ugly sweater cake like this should be a hit at any ugly Christmas sweater party.

The ugly sweater cake I put on last year's post consisted of cupcakes. This just comprises of a sheet. Love the candy decorations though.

The ugly sweater cake I put on last year’s post consisted of cupcakes. This just comprises of a sheet. Love the candy decorations though.

42. If you liked Elf, then get a load of these Christmas cookies.

Yes, they have cookies relating to Elf. Sure they're professionally made. But I had to show these.

Yes, they have cookies relating to Elf. Sure they’re professionally made. But I had to show these.

43. For a healthy option gingerbread house, may I give you the Christmas veggie lodge.

This has a carrot log cabin, a celery and cucumber roof, and a pepper door. And yes, I bet it's held together by dip and dressing.

This has a carrot log cabin, a celery and cucumber roof, and a pepper door. And yes, I bet it’s held together by dip and dressing.

44. Speaking of veggie Christmas goodies, check out this  green bean Christmas tree.

This one has corn and pepper decorations. Like the cheese trimmings as well.

This one has corn and pepper decorations. Like the cheese trimmings as well.

45. You have to have a cold, cold heart not to love this penguin igloo cake.

The penguins even has a Christmas tree. And they're standing on top of the igloo to sing. So cute.

The penguins even has a Christmas tree. And they’re standing on top of the igloo to sing. So cute.

46. For an extra gooey Christmas treat, these Rudolph marshmallow pops can’t be beat.

They even have pretzel antlers. And are covered in a chocolaty goodness.

They even have pretzel antlers. And are covered in a chocolaty goodness.

47. Candy cane cookies should always come in a fancy stripe.

These have shiny red sugar icing and holly decorations. Professionally made, but I'll take 'em.

These have shiny red sugar icing and holly decorations. Professionally made, but I’ll take ’em.

48. This Santa Claus cake comes with a very magnificent beard.

This one comes with a Santa hat and everything. All in all, I find this quite adorable.

This one comes with a Santa hat and everything. All in all, I find this quite adorable.

49. Who knew that chocolate donuts could make such great Christmas wreaths?

These are a more fancy design and use intricate candy and icing. Still, these are great for any Christmas party.

These are a more fancy design and use intricate candy and icing. Still, these are great for any Christmas party.

50. These Rice Krispie Christmas presents are always full of surprises.

Okay, they contain M&Ms. But they're iced in green and red with a white bow. Love these.

Okay, they contain M&Ms. But they’re iced in green and red with a white bow. Love these.

51. This Christmas bread tree comes especially frosted.

Well, frosting in place of snow of course. Includes berry ornaments, too.

Well, frosting in place of snow of course. Includes berry ornaments, too.

52. These Oreo polar bears are surely cool treats for a winter day.

They can have a blue or brown M&M nose. At any rate, these are so cute.

They can have a blue or brown M&M nose. At any rate, these are so cute.

53. Nobody could ever resist these teddy bear sleds on any dessert platter.

This one just consists of Teddy Grahams, a Snicker's bar, and 2 mini candy canes. They're so easy, kids could make them.

This one just consists of Teddy Grahams, a Snicker’s bar, and 2 mini candy canes. They’re so easy, kids could make them.

54. Candy cane pretzels always make an ideal Christmas snack.

Not sure if they taste of mint. But you have to like the white and red stripes on these.

Not sure if they taste of mint. But you have to like the white and red stripes on these.

55. For healthy appetizers, perhaps you should visit the Santa Claus veggie tray.

This one has the kind of healthy veggies that Santa probably doesn't eat. His face consists of hummus though.

This one has the kind of healthy veggies that Santa probably doesn’t eat. His face consists of hummus though.

56. Celebrate the reason for the season with this sweet nativity scene cake.

Yes, I know it probably contains an ungodly amount of sugar. But this cake is so irresistibly cute you just want to eat it up.

Yes, I know it probably contains an ungodly amount of sugar. But this cake is so irresistibly cute you just want to eat it up.

57. There’s nothing more delectable this yuletide season than a Rice Krispe treat Christmas tree.

Yes, I know the green dye on these Rice Krispie treats is kind of disgusting. Yet, I do like how it's decorated with M&Ms.

Yes, I know the green dye on these Rice Krispie treats is kind of disgusting. Yet, I do like how it’s decorated with M&Ms.

58. You never have Christmas tree bread unless it’s filled with spinach.

Well, this is kind of ingenious. Love how it has the bread spanning it as decoration.

Well, this is kind of ingenious. Love how it has the bread spanning it as decoration.

59. You’ve heard of gingerbread houses and gingerbread cookies. Make way for the gingerbread house cookie.

Yes, they're all made the same way. But you have to admit. all 3 are so damn adorable for this Christmas season.

Yes, they’re all made the same way. But you have to admit. all 3 are so damn adorable for this Christmas season.

60. This appetizer platter Christmas tree has everything stacked together and held in place thanks to toothpicks.

I know this looks quite festive and weird, right? Well, somehow you can do this at home. But this doesn't mean I can suggest it.

I know this looks quite festive and weird, right? Well, somehow you can do this at home. But this doesn’t mean I can suggest it.

61. How about a little green in your candy cane cookies.

Well, they're not like the traditional red and white candy cane cookies. But Christmasy? You better believe it.

Well, they’re not like the traditional red and white candy cane cookies. But Christmasy? You better believe it.

62. You could almost imagine that these cupcakes come straight from the North Pole.

Okay, maybe not. But these North Pole cupcakes are certainly very simple to decorate.

Okay, maybe not. But these North Pole cupcakes are certainly very simple to decorate.

63. Nothing makes quite a hit at your Christmas party than these pine cone cheese balls.

After all, Christmas trees are evergreens that produce seeds through pine cones. And these cheese balls are covered in almonds.

After all, Christmas trees are evergreens that produce seeds through pine cones. And these cheese balls are covered in almonds.

64. Make sure these snowman cake pops are properly frosty.

Like how they have multicolored buttons and red ear muffs. Still, they're so adorable.

Like how they have multicolored buttons and red ear muffs. Still, they’re so adorable.

65. Of course, a Christmas tree appetizer platter can always include grapes.

They can come either in purple and green. But they'll also be separated by different kinds of cheese.

They can come either in purple and green. But they’ll also be separated by different kinds of cheese.

66. These polar bear cupcakes come with special hats.

These all have a green and red Santa hat. But their faces just scream of North Pole cuteness.

These all have a green and red Santa hat. But their faces just scream of North Pole cuteness.

67. These snowman pretzel snacks will surely not melt your appetite.

For some reason, I have a lot of snowman treats on here so far. Not sure why.

For some reason, I have a lot of snowman treats on here so far. Not sure why.

68. Those who love A Charlie Brown Christmas will adore these cookies.

This set includes Snoopy and the gang. It even has a Charlie Brown tree ornament. Love these.

This set includes Snoopy and the gang. It even has a Charlie Brown tree ornament. Love these.

69. For a healthier cookie option, go with these fruit and pistachio wreaths.

These are decorated with lemons, pistachios, and cranberries. Yet, many would think these delicious.

These are decorated with lemons, pistachios, and cranberries. Yet, many would think these delicious.

70. If you like polar bears, then you might like these polar bear paw print cupcakes.

Now these are quite clever. These even have a peppermint center on top.

Now these are quite clever. These even have a peppermint center on top.

71. Brighten up your Christmas party with these Christmas light cupcakes.

Each one has a chain of lights around a mound of white icing. Kind of wish it was green icing with a star on top instead.

Each one has a chain of lights around a mound of white icing. Kind of wish it was green icing with a star on top instead.

72. A Christmas cookie bird house should always come with a few residents.

Yes, it may be in pink with lights on it. But nevertheless, the cookie snowbirds are adorable.

Yes, it may be in pink with lights on it. But nevertheless, the cookie snowbirds are adorable.

73. Santa Hat party mix is guaranteed to make your Christmas a memorable one.

And Santa hats it certainly has. But don't forget about the green M&Ms and the frosted pretzels.

And Santa hats it certainly has. But don’t forget about the green M&Ms and the frosted pretzels.

74. A Christmas snow globe cake is always filled with winter magic.

You can't eat some of the decorations on this cake according to Pinterest. But they should go great with the snow globe cupcakes.

You can’t eat some of the decorations on this cake according to Pinterest. But they should go great with the snow globe cupcakes.

75. Nothing is such a Christmas delight like a cupcake cake of Old St. Nick.

Well, this one seems to have a nice Santa beard. Also like the holly on his hat.

Well, this one seems to have a nice Santa beard. Also like the holly on his hat.

76. Snowman party stew can always melt your frozen taste buds.

Sure it may have snowmen on top. But this is a steaming hot meal not meant for those made of ice.

Sure it may have snowmen on top. But this is a steaming hot meal not meant for those made of ice.

77. These Christmas tree cookies come in a variety of different colors.

Well, colors in regard to each layer, apparently. Love the yellow stars on top though.

Well, colors in regard to each layer, apparently. Love the yellow stars on top though.

78. A green and red Christmas cake is perfect for any yuletide occasion.

This one has layers upon layers of red and green. But if anything says Christmas cake, it's this.

This one has layers upon layers of red and green. But if anything says Christmas cake, it’s this.

79. Wake up on Christmas morning to some reindeer pancakes.

Yes, this doesn't constitute the healthiest yuletide breakfast. But I'm sure Rudolph's pancake face will give someone a smile.

Yes, this doesn’t constitute the healthiest yuletide breakfast. But I’m sure Rudolph’s pancake face will give someone a smile.

80. On a cold winter day, these hot cocoa cookies make a tasty treat.

These come with a marshmallow cup and a cookie coaster. Love the candy cane handle and marshmallows on top.

These come with a marshmallow cup and a cookie coaster. Love the candy cane handle and marshmallows on top.

Deck the Halls with These Christmas Craft Projects (Second Edition)

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Last year, I did my first Christmas craft post which was a rather big success that I decided to do one for this year. Mostly because I have a lot of craft pictures saved from Pinterest that I could only put on the post which can only have so many slots. After all, Christmas is perhaps the biggest holiday of the year with people decorating their house to reflect the yuletide cheer. Thus, this leads to plenty of Christmas craft projects to choose from. And I mean plenty ranging from Christmas wreaths, Christmas garlands, Christmas tree ornaments, well, you get the idea. Nevertheless, as the Christmas season kicks off, you’ll start seeing people putting up their decorations. Some will buy them from the store or have already. Some will make their own which might take them quite some time. And some may put out the decorations they made from the previous years. I mean craft projects can last a long time. But unlike on Halloween, they must have their cobwebs dusted off first. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another installment of great Christmas craft projects to provide you inspiration for this holiday season.

  1. Oh, crap, Frosty the Snowman is now turned to slush.
Don't worry, this is just a Christmas melted snowman decoration. It's made from cotton and styrofoam. So don't cry all about it.

Don’t worry, this is just a Christmas melted snowman decoration. It’s made from cotton and styrofoam. So don’t cry all about it.

2. A white yarn Christmas wreath must always have red and green flowers.

Well, this is a nice simple Christmas design. Love the flowers. So pretty.

Well, this is a nice simple Christmas design. Love the flowers. So pretty.

3. A winter tulle wreath must always have some patches of shiny blue.

This one has a blue bird and blue flower like it's almost a snow scene. I think it's quite lovely to put on one's front door.

This one has a blue bird and blue flower like it’s almost a snow scene. I think it’s quite lovely to put on one’s front door.

4. You can make a hanging Christmas tree with only 3 wreaths.

Well, this one has 3 wreaths with baubles and decorations galore. Not sure if it's practical for my house. But I like it.

Well, this one has 3 wreaths with baubles and decorations galore. Not sure if it’s practical for my house. But I like it.

5. You could always cuddle with two of these Santa’s little helpers.

Of course, these crocheted elves are much more adorable and much less creepy than the Elf on the Shelf. And you don't have to worry about them being naughty.

Of course, these crocheted elves are much more adorable and much less creepy than the Elf on the Shelf. And you don’t have to worry about them being naughty.

6. You’ll never know what kind of snowflakes you could make with candy canes.

Okay, there's a snowflake in the center. But still, this looks quite sensational to hang in front of your door.

Okay, there’s a snowflake in the center. But still, this looks quite sensational to hang in front of your door.

7. For reds and whites, this candy cane wreath is as sweet as it could be.

It's made from decomesh with candy canes in front. Contains red and white ribbon with red baubles.

It’s made from decomesh with candy canes in front. Contains red and white ribbon with red baubles.

8. Make a jolly entrance with this tulle Santa Claus wreath.

Well, at least the tulle makes up for the beard. Seems like a very simple decoration when you look at it.

Well, at least the tulle makes up for the beard. Seems like a very simple decoration when you look at it.

9. Curl up this Christmas with your very own crocheted snowflake blanket.

This one mainly uses white, gray, and black for contrast. Yet, this is quite lovely.

This one mainly uses white, gray, and black for contrast. Yet, this is quite lovely.

10. It’s always delightful when you have snowman kettle in the home.

Yet, note that this is only used for decoration. But I do love that rosy face.

Yet, note that this is only used for decoration. But I do love that rosy face.

11. Evergreen branches and holly go very well on a wooden frame.

Help if it has some snow and some red birds on it. Think of it as a Christmas nature scene.

Help if it has some snow and some red birds on it. Think of it as a Christmas nature scene.

12. Put some hooks on a fence to hang your stockings.

Helps if all these look the same as well. Yes, they're in ugly sweater pattern. But I'll take it.

Helps if all these look the same as well. Yes, they’re in ugly sweater pattern. But I’ll take it.

13. For a wintry spirit, a Christmas wreath in pink and white should do the trick.

Helps that it has pink poinsettias and a dove on it. Sure it's girly but there's a graceful look about it.

Helps that it has pink poinsettias and a dove on it. Sure it’s girly but there’s a graceful look about it.

14. How about use a wooden panel to paint your own Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Well, you just have a white silhouette of Rudolph. But you do have a red nose and pine wreath on his neck.

Well, you just have a white silhouette of Rudolph. But you do have a red nose and pine wreath on his neck.

15. It’s not a festive Christmas without an evergreen tree skirt with peacock feathers.

Yes, it's quite fancy and unconventional. But this skirt isn't meant to be worn. I've seen a few of these, too.

Yes, it’s quite fancy and unconventional. But this skirt isn’t meant to be worn. I’ve seen a few of these, too.

16. A candy cane yarn wreath must always have red and white stripes.

Doesn't hurt that hit has red and white berries either. Love the snowflake on this.

Doesn’t hurt that hit has red and white berries either. Love the snowflake on this.

17. Looks like a bird laid eggs in this snowman wreath.

Of course, most birds don't lay eggs this time of year. But this will melt your heart nevertheless.

Of course, most birds don’t lay eggs this time of year. But this will melt your heart nevertheless.

18. These snowman flower pot candle holders will light up your Christmas time.

Yet, note that they could actually melt snowmen. Still, these are adorable.

Yet, note that they could actually melt snowmen. Still, these are adorable.

19. You could make one big snowflake with a set of popsicle sticks.

Well, it's much more doable than some of the other crafts here so far. Still, it's so simple and easy to hang.

Well, it’s much more doable than some of the other crafts here so far. Still, it’s so simple and easy to hang.

20. A twig Christmas snowflake brings a rather rustic touch.

Sure it's a strange spin if you get my drift. But it's so unique that I couldn't ignore this any longer.

Sure it’s a strange spin if you get my drift. But it’s so unique that I couldn’t ignore this any longer.

21. You can always make a great Christmas wreath with holly berries and tree branches.

Now this is the kind of holly wreath to put on one's front door. Love the plaid ribbon.

Now this is the kind of holly wreath to put on one’s front door. Love the plaid ribbon.

22. You never know what presents are on this urn.

Actually they're just boxes with nothing in them since they're only used for show. But I love how they have different patterns.

Actually they’re just boxes with nothing in them since they’re only used for show. But I love how they have different patterns.

23. A Christmas wreath should be as pearly white as the snow.

Of course, you can't bet on a white Christmas where I live. But I wouldn't mind owning a wreath like this.

Of course, you can’t bet on a white Christmas where I live. But I wouldn’t mind owning a wreath like this.

24. You can’t celebrate Christmas without a wreath of poinsettias.

Sure they're Mexican flowers that just won't die. But they really add a lovely Christmas touch.

Sure they’re Mexican flowers that just won’t die. But they really add a lovely Christmas touch.

25. This amigurumi Rudolph will always keep your spirits bright.

Like how he has the little red and green scarf around his neck. Yes, this is adorable as can be.

Like how he has the little red and green scarf around his neck. Yes, this is adorable as can be.

26. A jeweled Christmas tree must always have a silver frame.

I put one of these on my Christmas craft post from last year. Yet, I think this one has a certain radiance as well. Lovely.

I put one of these on my Christmas craft post from last year. Yet, I think this one has a certain radiance as well. Lovely.

27. Nothing can make you resist this little angel and fawn.

Tis the season for cute angels as always. But I'm sure this is bound to melt frozen hearts.

Tis the season for cute angels as always. But I’m sure this is bound to melt frozen hearts. Cute.

28. This little Christmas tree is an avian haven.

Actually the birds on this tree are fake and in different colors. But a bird fan will love it.

Actually the birds on this tree are fake and in different colors. But a bird fan will love it.

29. Pink and purple flowers are resplendent on this ornament.

These flowers are quite lovely on this off white Christmas ornament, Love the ribbons, too.

These flowers are quite lovely on this off white Christmas ornament, Love the ribbons, too.

30. With a stiff doily, green paint, and a ribbon, you can make a fancy Christmas wreath.

Judging by the size, this will most likely be a Christmas tree ornament. But a stunning one it will be.

Judging by the size, this will most likely be a Christmas tree ornament. But a stunning one it will be.

31. Have your Christmas guests set a drink on these crocheted ornament coasters.

You can also call them pot holders, too. And they all come in so many different colors.

You can also call them pot holders, too. Or ornaments as you see fit. And they all come in so many different colors.

32. A jeweled tree must always have an array of decorations.

Well, this one is quite stunning. Never underestimate what you can do with recycled jewelry pieces. Beautiful.

Well, this one is quite stunning. Never underestimate what you can do with recycled jewelry pieces. Beautiful.

33. Deck your mantle this Christmas with these ribbon trees.

Both are mostly green with some red ribbon for trimmings. They also have shiny balls on top.

Both are mostly green with some red ribbon for trimmings. They also have shiny balls on top.

34. A snowflake wreath always captures the winter magic.

This is another easy wreath. Just need a hoop, white yarn, and craft snowflakes. Lovely.

This is another easy wreath. Just need a hoop, white yarn, and craft snowflakes. Lovely.

35. These felt gingerbread men will always delight at your front door.

Each one has a bow tie and buttons to your joy. Love how one has some pine branches. Cute.

Each one has a bow tie and buttons to your joy. Love how one has some pine branches. Cute.

36. Dress your little girl for Christmas with one of these pairs of crocheted shoes.

Come in red and white. Red pair has white ribbons. White pair has holly leaves and a bow.

Come in red and white. Red pair has white ribbons. White pair has holly leaves and a bow.

37. For a rustic Christmas tree, grace it with a pine cone angel.

This looks like something a child may do in school. So I'm sure you'll have no trouble to make it.

This looks like something a child may do in school. So I’m sure you’ll have no trouble to make it.

38. Don’t like Christmas wreaths? How about a Christmas basket?

This one even has a birdhouse in it along with skates and a red ribbon. Still, you can't go wrong with this. Love it.

This one even has a birdhouse in it along with skates and a red ribbon. Still, you can’t go wrong with this. Love it.

39. A white Christmas wreath like this should bring you into a winter wonderland.

This one is quite fancy compared to the snow wreaths I posted so far. But I couldn't do a second craft post without it.

This one is quite fancy compared to the snow wreaths I posted so far. But I couldn’t do a second craft post without it.

40. You can’t be frosty without this snowman amigurumi around.

And yes, this little cold thing will warm your heart. I guarantee it. So cute.

And yes, this little cold thing will warm your heart. I guarantee it. So cute.

41. Sometimes a white beaded snowflake can have a rather simple design.

In last year's craft post I had one with more pearls on it. This one has a fewer but no less elegant.

In last year’s craft post I had one with more pearls on it. This one has a fewer but no less elegant.

42. A gingerbread garland always brings a touch on any tree.

I think this comes from salt gingerbread dough which you can't eat anyway. But love how they have the gingerbread man, star, and tree pattern.

I think this comes from salt gingerbread dough which you can’t eat anyway. But love how they have the gingerbread man, star, and tree pattern.

43. A candy cane hanging must always have some holly berries and pine branches.

I used a similar deco mesh candy cane for last year's Christmas craft post. But I like this one much better for some reason.

I used a similar deco mesh candy cane for last year’s Christmas craft post. But I like this one much better for some reason.

44. Grace your front door this Christmas with this evergreen star.

Sure it's not a conventional Christmas decoration. But you have love the flowers in the center.

Sure it’s not a conventional Christmas decoration. But you have love the flowers in the center.

45. This Christmas snow lady will make your heart melt.

It's made from plush and felt. And her dress has some pom pom decorations. But she'll make you thaw.

It’s made from plush and felt. And her dress has some pom pom decorations. But she’ll make you thaw.

46. This Christmas box scene will brighten your holiday season.

This seems to resemble a retro Christmas scene. Like how it lights up.

This seems to resemble a retro Christmas scene. Like how it lights up.

47. These plush tree ornaments come with bows of holly.

Consists of a Christmas tree, birds, stocking, heart, and mitten. At any rate, they're great additions to your tree.

Consists of a Christmas tree, birds, stocking, heart, and mitten. At any rate, they’re great additions to your tree.

48. These winter trees are always a haven for doves.

Love how they light up like trees in the snow. Still, this is a great decoration for those with too much time on their hands. Love it.

Love how they light up like trees in the snow. Still, this is a great decoration for those with too much time on their hands. Love it.

49. A white Christmas dress should always come with angel wings.

Like the peacock skirt, this Christmas dress isn't to wear. Rather it's for decoration. But I love how it lights up a room.

Like the peacock skirt, this Christmas dress isn’t to wear. Rather it’s for decoration. But I love how it lights up a room.

50. This penguin Christmas tree will waddle your way into your heart.

Sure penguins don't live in the North Pole. But they're polar creatures and are so cute. So they're included in Christmas motifs.

Sure penguins don’t live in the North Pole. But they’re polar creatures and are so cute. So they’re included in Christmas motifs.

51. You can always add a pair of ice skates with any Christmas hanging.

This one features a pair of ice skates in a frame with branches and a plaid bow. Has quite a rustic touch.

This one features a pair of ice skates in a frame with branches and a plaid bow. Has quite a rustic touch.

52. It’s always “Noel” with this Christmas hanging.

Seems like something you'd see at a baby nursery or elementary school. At any rate, it's simply adorable.

Seems like something you’d see at a baby nursery or elementary school. At any rate, it’s simply adorable.

53. Your tree can smell sweet with these cinnamon stick Christmas trees.

Each one has some tree limbs with button ornaments. I'm sure they're hard to resist.

Each one has some tree limbs with button ornaments. I’m sure they’re hard to resist.

54. Sometimes a long evergreen garland is needed for a large frame.

And white ice skates give it a key Christmas touch. Not sure if I'd want it in my house, but I'll take it for my post.

And white ice skates give it a key Christmas touch. Not sure if I’d want it in my house, but I’ll take it for my post.

55. How about a Santa hat bouquet at your door?

Flowers inside a Santa hat? Sure they're not poinsettias but they'll do quite nicely here.

Flowers inside a Santa hat? Sure they’re not poinsettias but they’ll do quite nicely here.

56. A white tulle wreath could always use some bejeweled trimming as a Christmas decoration.

Now that looks quite fancy and perfect for a front door on Christmas. Love the flower piece, too.

Now that looks quite fancy and perfect for a front door on Christmas. Love the flower piece, too.

57. You can always cuddle with this crocheted gingerbread man.

This one even has pink trimming and buttons. Though you can't eat it, it's so cute.

This one even has pink trimming and buttons. Though you can’t eat it, it’s so cute.

58. Ever saw an evergreen snowflake before?

This one has branches with pine cones and bare twigs. Has an naturalistic air to it that's perfect for a winter cabin.

This one has branches with pine cones and bare twigs. Has an naturalistic air to it that’s perfect for a winter cabin.

59. Nothing makes Christmas more magical than a bejeweled wreath like this.

Like some Christmas decorations on this and last year's yuletide craft post, this was made with upcycled jewelry. And yes, it certainly looks like a charm.

Like some Christmas decorations on this and last year’s yuletide craft post, this was made with upcycled jewelry. And yes, it certainly looks like a charm.

60. A white yarn wreath should always have red flowers and holly berries.

Well, this is a rather simple wreath. Like how it's Christmasy without being over the top. Lovely.

Well, this is a rather simple wreath. Like how it’s Christmasy without being over the top. Lovely.

61. A lovely Christmas tree always has to be strung with pearls.

Also helps if it has so many buttons and jewels to decorate it. Surely looks festive. Lovely.

Also helps if it has so many buttons and jewels to decorate it. Surely looks festive. Lovely.

62. Nothing is flashier this yuletide season than a bauble frame.

Well, this bauble frame anyway. This is especially the case when it's trimmed with tinsel.

Well, this bauble frame anyway. This is especially the case when it’s trimmed with tinsel.

63. You can make your own Santa Claus ornament with a wooden light bulb.

Just add a hat, holly, and beard and you're all set. Looks amazing, doesn't it?

Just add a hat, holly, and beard and you’re all set. Looks amazing, doesn’t it?

64. On a wreath like this, you find a vibrant Christmas village.

I put a similar wreath like this one on last year's Christmas craft post. But this one has less snow and more snowmen.

I put a similar wreath like this one on last year’s Christmas craft post. But this one has less snow and more snowmen.

65. There’s nothing so stunning this Christmas than an evergreen tree dress.

Seems like it came from a Christmas tree carved as a dress. But it's a great sight to behold.

Seems like it came from a Christmas tree carved as a dress. But it’s a great sight to behold.

66. For more retro decorations, these jeweled trees are just the ticket.

Well, these sure do have a vintage feel to them since they're in pastel colors. Yet, I can't help but love them.

Well, these sure do have a vintage feel to them since they’re in pastel colors. Yet, I can’t help but love them.

67. Spice up your Christmas party look with a pair of Christmas tree earrings.

These are made from beads and wire. The smaller ones wrap around the large green ones as Christmas decorations.

These are made from beads and wire. The smaller ones wrap around the large green ones as Christmas decorations.

68. Count down to Christmas with this Christmas tree advent calendar.

Behind each felt door on this Christmas tree is a little surprise. What it is, I can't say.

Behind each felt door on this Christmas tree is a little surprise. What it is, I can’t say.

69. On this panel you will find the nativity and the Star of Bethlehem.

I was wondering when I'd get down to the nativity decorations. Still, both certainly seem like they're from a midnight clear.

I was wondering when I’d get down to the nativity decorations. Still, both certainly seem like they’re from a midnight clear.

70. Bring your neighbors in awe of you this Christmas with this black yuletide pot.

Contains the baubles and branches for all you desire. And will surely stand out. Love the bow.

Contains the baubles and branches for all you desire. And will surely stand out. Love the bow.

71. A glass Christmas candle will surely brighten the room.

Don't worry, the flame is fake and it's powered by electricity. Still, it's quite radiant to say the least.

Don’t worry, the flame is fake and it’s powered by electricity. Still, it’s quite radiant to say the least.

72. These snowflake pot holders will keep your Christmas kitchen merry.

Come in 4 different colors as seen here. And each snowflake on them is unique. Well, sort of.

Come in 4 different colors as seen here. And each snowflake on them is unique. Well, sort of.

73. This snowflake wreath will surely bring you winter cheer.

I seem to have a lot of snowflake stuff on this blog for some reason. Maybe I'm just in a winter mood.

I seem to have a lot of snowflake stuff on this blog for some reason. Maybe I’m just in a winter mood.

74. Guess you’d like to have this snowman wreath on any frosty day.

Well, it comes with 3 circles along with a scarf and hat. Pretty simple decoration to make by the looks of it.

Well, it comes with 3 circles along with a scarf and hat. Pretty simple decoration to make by the looks of it.

75. Be in the festive Christmas spirit with this peacock feather wreath.

Sure it's a bit nontraditional as a Christmas decoration. But let's just say, it does bring out a lovely color.

Sure it’s a bit nontraditional as a Christmas decoration. But let’s just say, it does bring out a lovely color.

76. There’s nothing softer this Christmas than this snowman pillow.

It even has a Santa hat and a Christmas ribbon at the neck. Can't help but include this one.

It even has a Santa hat and a Christmas ribbon at the neck. Can’t help but include this one.

77. This glass snowflake light will give you a warm winter glow.

Has a nice snowflake design on the front. Love the ribbon on this. Lovely.

Has a nice snowflake design on the front. Love the ribbon on this. Lovely.

78. This Christmas keep your cookies safe in this Santa cookie jar.

Not sure if it will keep most of the cookies away from Santa. Yet, I like how it was made with a flower pot.

Not sure if it will keep most of the cookies away from Santa. Yet, I like how it was made with a flower pot.

79. This Christmas lampshade is perfect for any yuletide lamp.

This one has a stunning winter scene with a red background. Love the fringes.

This one has a stunning winter scene with a red background. Love the fringes.

80. Grace your couch this Christmas season with a pillow with a shiny red bow.

Because during the Christmas season, shiny red bows are totally a thing. Believe me, I know.

Because during the Christmas season, shiny red bows are totally a thing. Believe me, I know.

81. This baby Jesus manger shows us the reason for the season.

Well, to me as a Catholic, anyway. But to each his own. Still, this twig manger is so adorable.

Well, to me as a Catholic, anyway. But to each his own. Still, this twig manger is so adorable.

82. This coffee can hat makes a wonderful Christmas tree topper.

I showed a different one last year with a bird on it. Also has a nice red ribbon, too.

I showed a different one last year with a bird on it. Also has a nice red ribbon, too.

83. This peacock wreath will make a fine Christmas addition on your front door.

This even includes a light blue poinsettia flower for a wintry touch. Love it.

This even includes a light blue poinsettia flower for a wintry touch. Love it.

84. You can’t have Christmas without a wreath containing a shiny metal reindeer.

Now this one is quite stunning. Love the shiny deer and the silver wreath decor.

Now this one is quite stunning. Love the shiny deer and the silver wreath decor.

85. Keep your kitchen jolly with this crocheted wreath pot holder.

Kind of reluctant to use a pot with this one. But it's certainly a unique work of art.

Kind of reluctant to use a pot with this one. But it’s certainly a unique work of art.

86. These Christmas woodland creatures will inspire you with good cheer.

Sure they're all in green and red winter gear. But come on, you have to have a frozen heart not to think these adorable.

Sure they’re all in green and red winter gear. But come on, you have to have a frozen heart not to think these adorable.

87. You’ve never seen a more glamorous tree than this one encrusted with jewels.

Yes, Christmas should be a time with things shining and sparkling. Still, this jeweled Christmas tree is a very resplendent piece.

Yes, Christmas should be a time with things shining and sparkling. Still, this jeweled Christmas tree is a very resplendent piece.

88. Nobody could resist having these clothespin girls on their Christmas tree.

These girls come with different hairstyles and dresses. Yet, all are lovely in their own way.

These girls come with different hairstyles and dresses. Yet, all are lovely in their own way.

89. Got old Christmas light bulbs? Cover them with glitter.

You can even make ornaments out of them if you want. Or you can put them in a bowl.

You can even make ornaments out of them if you want. Or you can put them in a bowl.

90. An angel like this is best to top a simple Christmas tree.

Surely she's a demure beauty of heaven above. Yet, she wears a plain dress and doesn't illuminate.

Surely she’s a demure beauty of heaven above. Yet, she wears a plain dress and doesn’t illuminate.

91. This green Christmas dress will surely light up the home.

Even has a necklace at the neck. No, you can't wear it. But feel free to look as much as you like.

Even has a necklace at the neck. No, you can’t wear it. But feel free to look as much as you like.

92. This candy cane wreath is a sweet Christmas treat.

Well, it's surely a very candy cane colored wreath. Love the lollipops and mints. Stunning.

Well, it’s surely a very candy cane colored wreath. Love the lollipops and mints. Stunning.

93. This jeweled Christmas tree is one with a lot of gold and a lot of color.

You never know what you can make with recycled jewelry. Love the gold and purple decor.

You never know what you can make with recycled jewelry. Love the gold and purple decor.

94. On this Silent Night, this wooden nativity scene will surely suit your fancy.

This one has a stable as well as the peg figures in clothes. Love the gold turbans on the wise men.

This one has a stable as well as the peg figures in clothes. Love the gold turbans on the wise men.

95. Hang this resplendent peacock Christmas wreath in its vibrant glory.

This one is so stunning with the blue and gold bow. Love it.

This one is so stunning with the blue and gold bow. The feathers are so beautiful. Love it.

96. Ladies and gents, I present to you Frosty the Snowman in aluminum.

Yeah, I know I have a a lot of snowmen on this post. Yet, I couldn't pass by this can snowman again.

Yeah, I know I have a a lot of snowmen on this post. Yet, I couldn’t pass by this can snowman again.

97. A purple Christmas ornament like this deserves its own cameo.

Oh, wait, it does have a cameo. Love the ribbons, roses, and lace.

Oh, wait, it does have a cameo. Love the ribbons, roses, and lace.

98. This Christmas angel crystal ornament is the most divine.

Includes a pearl head and golden wings. Love the rose in the middle. Adorable.

Includes a pearl head and golden wings. Love the rose in the middle. Adorable.

99. This Christmas tree pillow will be sensational on your rocking chair.

Well, the tree doesn't look like much. But you have to love the star, ornaments, and candy canes on it.

Well, the tree doesn’t look like much. But you have to love the star, ornaments, and candy canes on it.

100. A red and green Christmas dress should always covered in flowers.

This one is decked with roses, poinsettias, and lights. Such a great Christmas dress it is.

This one is decked with roses, poinsettias, and lights. Such a great Christmas dress it is.

NSFW Elf on the Shelf (a. k. a. the Post I Ruin a Stupid Christmas Tradition) (Third Edition)

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Parents, it’s that time of year again when Santa sends his little visitor to your children’s home in order to monitor their behavior to make sure they’re good enough for Christmas presents when the big guy visits himself. Yet, be warned that these creepy sprites tend to act very badly when nobody’s looking. And I mean badly in terms of they do stuff that you wouldn’t even dare mention to your little ones. Sure I’ve done an Elf on the Shelf post 2 years in a row, and believe me, there is a lot of crazy shit your family elf can do. After all, an elf can only “move” whenever residents are asleep or away from home, so hours of no supervision can really get to your elf’s head. And since so many elves in so many houses don’t adhere to behavioral standards, I highly suggest parents need to keep an eye on their resident Elf on the Shelf and report professional misconduct on the Internet with aid of a camera. So when you see your resident elf behaving inappropriately, take a picture, show it on the Internet to let your friends know, and call this hotline to report it to Santa at 1-800-555-BAD-ELF1. And now for your reading pleasure, I give you even more instances of Elves on the Shelves that squarely belong on Santa’s “naughty list.” Warning: most of the pictures aren’t for kids and aren’t safe for work.

  1. Oh, no, what the hell happened to Gristlecrumbs?
Okay, so the dogs at him for being creepy. Sure it was a very naughty thing but I couldn't blame them.

Okay, so the dogs at him for being creepy. Sure it was a very naughty thing but I couldn’t blame them.

2. Nice to see Frickles being informed about current events.

Did he just take a dump in that wine glass? Shouldn't he go somewhere else like an elf toilet?

Did he just take a dump in that wine glass? Shouldn’t he go somewhere else like an elf toilet?

3. For Blinkyskins, fat bottomed girls make the rockin’ world go round.

"Are you gonna take me home tonight ?/Ah down beside that red firelight/Are you gonna let it all hang out ?/Fat bottomed girls/You make the rockin' world go round"

“Are you gonna take me home tonight ?/Ah down beside that red firelight/Are you gonna let it all hang out ?/Fat bottomed girls/You make the rockin’ world go round”

4. Noel would like to say something for the Ferguson family.

Hey, Noel, nice you can remind us why you're late and all. But please, not in front of the kids.

Hey, Noel, nice you can remind us why you’re late and all. But please, not in front of the kids.

5. Seems like Dinkler has a message for the Granger family.

Okay, is that "murder." Jesus Christ, God help this family. Because Dinkler may be on the homicidal side.

Okay, is that “murder.” Jesus Christ, God help this family. Because Dinkler may be on the homicidal side.

6. Jingle Bell is enjoying a nice quiet movie night with Ken.

Okay, I don't think Barbie will like this. But Jingle Bell doesn't seem to care one bit.

Okay, I don’t think Barbie will like this. But Jingle Bell doesn’t seem to care one bit.

7. No, Blinkle, you don’t light Max on fire!

Yet, he could just as well be trying to light his farts. Either way, this really doesn't bode well for him.

Yet, he could just as well be trying to light his farts. Either way, this really doesn’t bode well for him.

8. “I have you now, Rudolph!”

No, Crumby, you don't pull a knife on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Hell, you don't pull a knife on anybody.

No, Crumby, you don’t pull a knife on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Hell, you don’t pull a knife on anybody.

9. “So, ladies, how do we proceed from here?”

Think Freckles has a very dirty mind and a bit of a smoking habit. Clearly, he's not fit to monitor the Westover kids.

Think Freckles has a very dirty mind and a bit of a smoking habit. Clearly, he’s not fit to monitor the Westover kids at this point.

10. Looks like Grimler got into Daddy’s secret drawer.

Did he just get into Daddy's condoms and lube? No, I don't think that plastic thing is a hat, Grimler.

Did he just get into Daddy’s condoms and lube? No, I don’t think that plastic thing is a hat, Grimler.

11. Pinkleskins, how dare you dress like Miley Cyrus at the VMAs.

Apparently, he thought Miley's VMA performance in 2013 was worth remembering. He is sorely mistaken.

Apparently, he thought Miley’s VMA performance in 2013 was worth remembering. He is sorely mistaken.

12. Seems like some of Andy’s toys have taken quite well to Minter.

Is Minter drinking and playing poker with Woody, Buzz, and Rex? Jesus, now my childhood is ruined.

Is Minter drinking and playing poker with Woody, Buzz, and Rex? Jesus, now my childhood is ruined.

13. Seems like someone really wants Tinkleskins to stick it.

But did they really have to decapitate a My Little Pony? That's just fucked up.

But did they really have to decapitate a My Little Pony? That’s just a fucked up way to make an offer he can’t refuse.

14. What did Quinty get himself tied up in this time?

I don't know about you. But if he got this way through BDSM, he's going be in big trouble after Christmas.

I don’t know about you. But if he got this way through BDSM, he’s going be in big trouble after Christmas.

15. Oh, my God, not you, too Wrinklebrush!

What's with the Miley Cyrus routine? Then again, seems like the plushies like it which is disturbing.

What’s with the Miley Cyrus routine? Then again, seems like the plushies like it which is disturbing.

16. No, Hinkly, Mr. Ruskin will not like you getting into his wallet.

Boy, is he going to be in for a world of trouble when Mr. Ruskin gets home. Hinkly ought to be ashamed of himself.

Boy, is he going to be in for a world of trouble when Mr. Ruskin gets home. Hinkly ought to be ashamed of himself.

17. “Say your prayers for stealing Christmas, Grinch!”

Dankles, just because the Grinch doesn't like Christmas doesn't mean you could kill him! And a la Dexter on top of presents? That's fucked up!

Dankles, just because the Grinch doesn’t like Christmas doesn’t mean you could kill him! And a la Dexter on top of presents? That’s fucked up!

18. Looks like Clinky has taken some time off at the North Pole.

What the hell is he doing to Santa? Why the hell is the Abominable Snowman taking pictures? This is messed up on so many levels.

What the hell is he doing to Santa? Why the hell is the Abominable Snowman taking pictures? This is messed up on so many levels.

19. Elfie wants to tell Santa to stick it on Christmas Eve.

Seems like Santa doesn't treat his Elves on the Shelves too well. That or Elfie is such a prick. I don't know how workplace relations are at the North Pole.

Seems like Santa doesn’t treat his Elves on the Shelves too well. That or Elfie is such a prick. I don’t know how workplace relations are at the North Pole.

20. Seems like the Vitales couldn’t handle any more of Winkleross’s insane antics.

Guess this what happens to an Elf on the Shelf if they've behaved really naughty during the Christmas season. Guess it was for the best.

Guess this what happens to an Elf on the Shelf if they’ve behaved really naughty during the Christmas season. Perhaps it was for the best.

21. Seems like the Lego people have had enough of Sugar Plum.

Of course, everyone should've know it would come to this. The Lego people were against him from the very beginning.

Of course, everyone should’ve know it would come to this. The Lego people were against him from the very beginning.

22. Vinklevoss apparently takes well to sheep.

No, that's not how you treat a sheep. Bestiality is depraved and wrong for a reason. And no, the animals don't like it.

No, that’s not how you treat a sheep. Bestiality is depraved and wrong for a reason. And no, the animals don’t like it.

23. Let us leave and give Trinkler his privacy.

Is he licking that candy cane through a glory hole? Please don't tell me it's as dirty as it looks.

Is he licking that candy cane through a glory hole? Please don’t tell me it’s as dirty as it looks.

24. Oh, look, Elksie made a pie. Isn’t that sweet?

Uh, on second thought, maybe it's better to pass. Because I don't want to know what's in it. Also, that looks like a finger.

Uh, on second thought, maybe it’s better to pass. Because I don’t want to know what’s in it. Also, that looks like a finger.

25. Okay, what the hell’s going on with Rinky?

Guess the toys have had enough with him that they put him in a blender and served him as a smoothie. Yes, that's really sick, indeed.

Guess the toys have had enough with him that they put him in a blender and served him as a smoothie. Yes, that’s really sick, indeed.

26. Aww, Finley just spelled out Santa in blocks.

On second thought, he spelled out "Satan." And I'm not sure if he did it by accident.

On second thought, he spelled out “Satan.” And I’m not sure if he did it by accident.

27. No, Quinkler, don’t you dare hold Barbie hostage!

He even wrote a ransom note for Ken in the meantime requesting unmarked bills to his lawyer. Or else, Barbie gets it. Ken, I think you might want to take the deal.

He even wrote a ransom note for Ken in the meantime requesting unmarked bills to his lawyer. Or else, Barbie gets it. Ken, I think you might want to take the deal.

28. Sometimes Pinker just pisses off the wrong people.

Queen Elsa is perhaps the last person he'd want to piss off right now. Because he's now a giant ice cube. Hope he likes dealing with hypothermia.

Queen Elsa is perhaps the last person he’d want to piss off right now. Because he’s now a giant ice cube. Hope he likes dealing with hypothermia.

29. Guess Rumple messed with the Caped Crusader for the last time.

Sure Batman doesn't like killing, Rumple. But you must've done something really bad for him to hang you into the toilet.

Sure Batman doesn’t like killing, Rumple. But you must’ve done something really bad for him to hang you into the toilet.

30. What the hell are Tingle and Chuckie doing to Frosty the Snowman?

No, don't put him through the grater? Anything but the grater? Poor, Frosty.

No, don’t put him through the grater? Anything but the grater? Poor, Frosty.

31. Finnegan always enjoys going online.

I think it's best that the Quincys no longer allow him access to their technology ever again. Seriously, he can no longer be trusted.

I think it’s best that the Quincys no longer allow him access to their technology ever again. Seriously, he can no longer be trusted.

32. “I have plans for you, Tinkerbell.”

No, Finney, please don't. Sure Tinkerbell is annoying, but that gives you no right to set her house on fire.

No, Finney, please don’t. Sure Tinkerbell is annoying, but that gives you no right to set her house on fire.

33. “Hello, witches, show me your tits!”

Guess whatever happens in Oz, stays in Oz. Or at least we hope. But it seems that Kingsley has made them an offer.

Guess whatever happens in Oz, stays in Oz. Or at least we hope. But it seems that Kingsley has made them an offer.

34. Did Nibbler just decapitate Barbie? Holy shit!

Oh, God, he did! And he's saying that the Mullins family are next. They better call the police.

Oh, God, he did! And he’s saying that the Mullins family are next. They better call the police.

35. Inkling always loves to camp out in the great indoors.

Did he just shoot Rudolph and hang him from sticks to drain the blood? Santa's going to be furious.

Did he just shoot Rudolph and hang him from sticks to drain the blood? Santa’s going to be furious.

36. Seems like Prattle partied with the GI Joes while the Farquars were gone.

And it seems the GI Joes had him drink a lot of beer in the meantime. Wait until Santa hears about this.

And it seems the GI Joes had him drink a lot of beer in the meantime. Wait until Santa hears about this.

37. “Okay, ladies, it’s now lights, camera, action!”

The Morrises knew that Linky was into making films. They didn't know the kind of movies he made. Yes, he's deep shit.

The Morrises knew that Linky was into making films. They didn’t know the kind of movies he made. Yes, he’s deep shit.

38. Guess the chalupa was too much for Vinny.

Okay, that's really disgusting. But I'm sure it can be easily flushed away. Yeah, he's got diarrhea real bad.

Okay, that’s really disgusting. But I’m sure it can be easily flushed away. Yeah, he’s got diarrhea real bad.

39. What does Frinkleflam have here?

Jesus, did he ever learn from Elf on the Shelf school that the parents' toys are strictly off limits? Seriously, he wouldn't want to be caught dead with a dildo.

Jesus, did he ever learn from Elf on the Shelf school that the parents’ toys are strictly off limits? Seriously, he wouldn’t want to be caught dead with a dildo.

40. For a good time, call Buddy.

I hope it's not for what I think it is. Though I'm probably right.

I hope it’s not for what I think it is. Though I’m probably right as far as I know.

41. Poor, Peeta, he didn’t even stand a chance.

Yes, what elves like Flicker are capable of doing is quite chilling during the Hunger Games. Peeta never stood a chance.

Yes, what elves like Flicker are capable of doing is quite chilling during the Hunger Games. Peeta never stood a chance.

42. Zippy wishes the Bayrocks to sleep tight.

But saying while being near the knives? I really don't like how this will go down.

But saying while being near the knives? I really don’t like how this will go down.

43. That’s nice. Jax invited Rudolph for dinner.

Yet, from how I look at it, Jax wants Rudolph to be the main course. Poor Rudolph.

Yet, from how I look at it, Jax wants Rudolph to be the main course. Poor Rudolph.

44. Unfortunately, Snowballs got ensnared by the Abominable Snowman.

And it seems like this yeti likes to have his meat on the skillet. Not sure if he wants it rare, medium, or well done.

And it seems like this yeti likes to have his meat on the skillet. Not sure if he wants it rare, medium, or well done.

45. Looks like Pinsey doesn’t feel so good.

From what I could tell, he at least had 3 beers. Yeah, that's what a night drinking can do to you.

From what I could tell, he at least had 3 beers. Yeah, that’s what a night drinking can do to you.

46. Seems like Boxy likes to make some money on the side.

Look, Boxy, I understand if Santa doesn't pay you enough. But even if pot's legal in Colorado, doesn't mean you should be selling it. It might look bad in your next performance review.

Look, Boxy, I understand if Santa doesn’t pay you enough. But even if pot’s legal in Colorado, doesn’t mean you should be selling it. It might look bad in your next performance review.

47. Marky, why the hell did you set the gingerbread house on fire?

Now everyone in there will be burnt to a crisp. Jesus, Marky, are you psycho or something?

Now everyone in there will be burnt to a crisp. Jesus, Marky, are you psycho or something?

48. You might not want to look behind the shower curtain.

Seems like Frinkle has a knife on him. And he's out to kill. Stay on your guard.

Seems like Frinkle has a knife on him. And he’s out to kill. Stay on your guard.

49. Nankie and Glinkle, please stop that!

Look, twerking is fine at the North Pole and all. But please, this is a family establishment here!

Look, twerking is fine at the North Pole and all. But please, this is a family establishment here!

50. Mindy and Button always enjoy each other’s company.

For the love of God, please don't try lighting farts this time of year. That could cause a major house fire!

For the love of God, please don’t try lighting farts this time of year. That could cause a major house fire!

51. Himey always likes to explore new places in the Tortini house.

I believe Mrs. Tortini's underwear drawer is strictly off limits. Seriously, Himey, you dare not go in there!

I believe Mrs. Tortini’s underwear drawer is strictly off limits. Seriously, Himey, you dare not go in there!

52. Man, Grinsley is ripped!

Don't tell me he's a male stripper on the side. God, makes me wonder how much Santa pays them.

Don’t tell me he’s a male stripper on the side. God, makes me wonder how much Santa pays them.

53. Wilky, you’re not fooling me with your meth business.

You can wear the yellow suit and mustache all you want to. But you'll still go on the naughty list for this year.

You can wear the yellow suit and mustache all you want to. But you’ll still go on the naughty list for this year.

54. Trixie really takes to the cat for some reason.

No, Trixie, you can't cut the cat's head off. That's just sick and wrong on so many levels.

No, Trixie, you can’t cut the cat’s head off. That’s just sick and wrong on so many levels.

55. Seems like somebody made the cover of Wrapping Paper magazine.

Not sure what I think about the cookies and milk bit. But that's sure not a wholesome elf.

Not sure what I think about the cookies and milk bit. But that’s sure not a wholesome elf.

56. Blizter, let go of the cleaver!

For some reason, it won't end well with the family he's staying with. Chances are you'll regret being on his naughty list.

For some reason, it won’t end well with the family he’s staying with. Chances are you’ll regret being on his naughty list.

57. Winkles has a message for the Bobbsey kids.

Okay, Winkles, that's really not appropriate. Please keep your thoughts about Mrs. Bobbsey to yourself, thanks.

Okay, Winkles, that’s really not appropriate. Please keep your thoughts about Mrs. Bobbsey to yourself, thanks.

58. Moxie always had a mischievous side to her.

But this really goes way too far. For the love of God, please don't pull the lever and start a fire drill.

But this really goes way too far. For the love of God, please don’t pull the lever and start a fire drill.

59. Of course, Mitsy had to dress up as her favorite Star Wars character for the new movie.

Slave Leia, really? Hey, it's okay to like Princess Leia. But a more modest costume is best.

Slave Leia, really? Hey, it’s okay to like Princess Leia. But a more modest costume is best.

60. “I call this a lamb sandwich.”

Sorry, kids, but thanks to Bertie, lambkins is no more. I know it's a real shame.

Sorry, kids, but thanks to Bertie, lambkins is no more. I know it’s a real shame.

61. Before Christmas, Lingle means business.

Looks like he's dressed and ready for a crime spree. Okay, I think someone really needs to call the cops on him.

Looks like he’s dressed and ready for a crime spree. Okay, I think someone really needs to call the cops on him.

62. Mr. Jingles has something to say to the Heaths.

I think the Heaths are now shivering in dread at the moment. Yes, Mr. Jingles is dangerous.

I think the Heaths are now shivering in dread at the moment. Yes, Mr. Jingles is dangerous.

63. “Sorry, but all these Hostess mini muffins are mine!”

Guess Frankle's family is going to be incredibly pissed when they get home. Don't like the sound of that.

Guess Frankle’s family is going to be incredibly pissed when they get home. Don’t like the sound of that.

64. “Come on, Barbie, let’s get out of here.”

Did they just kill Ken? Together? Jesus Christ, Santa won't take this well from Glingle.

Did they just kill Ken? Together? Jesus Christ, Santa won’t take this well from Glingle.

65. Even Gollum thinks Quingle is a bit freaky.

Oh, God, please don't do anything to Gollum! All he wants his is precious the hobbitses stole from him.

Oh, God, please don’t do anything to Gollum! All he wants is his precious the hobbitses stole from him.

66. “Please, come and play with us.”

No, kids, you don't want to play with Ginger and Jenny. They want to kill you.

No, kids, you don’t want to play with Ginger and Jenny. They want to kill you.

67. Seems like Grangy really needs help after what happened last night.

He should hope that this sink doesn't have a garbage disposal. Because he won't last long if it's turned on.

He should hope that this sink doesn’t have a garbage disposal. Because he won’t last long if it’s turned on.

68. “Guess all bets are off, ladies.”

Man, seems like they really get into playing strip poker at that house. Wait a minute?

Man, seems like they really get into playing strip poker at that house. Wait a minute?

69. Guess Frazzle really makes himself at home with these teen boy dolls.

Are they drinking beer and smoking pot? Hope marijuana's legal wherever he is or he's busted.

Are they drinking beer and smoking pot? Hope marijuana’s legal wherever he is or he’s busted.

70. “Sorry, Woody, but a deal’s a deal.”

Did Stinker just behead Woody like that? Jesus, God Almighty. how could he?

Did Stinker just behead Woody like that? Jesus, God Almighty. how could he?

71. I think Frizzle really needs to find some better avenues for his imagination.

He seems to like Fifty Shades of Grey a bit too much. And now he's experimenting BDSM on Barbies.

He seems to like Fifty Shades of Grey a bit too much. And now he’s experimenting BDSM on Barbies.

72. Derry always likes to know what’s going on with the neighbors.

Let's hope he's just birdwatching or stargazing shall we? Because I really don't want to think he's spying on the neighbors as a peeping tom.

Let’s hope he’s just birdwatching or stargazing shall we? Because I really don’t want to think he’s spying on the neighbors as a peeping tom.

73. “Abominable Snowman, why did you have to mess with the time machine?”

Now it seems that Glinko and his friends are about to become a prehistoric banquet. Yeah, it doesn't look good.

Now it seems that Glinko and his friends are about to become a prehistoric banquet. Yeah, it doesn’t look good.

74. Waddly has a confession to make.

It seems that Waddly more than likely killed someone he thought deserved it. Sorry, but vigilantism is a crime for a reason.

It seems that Waddly more than likely killed someone he thought deserved it. Sorry, but vigilantism is a crime for a reason.

75. Bricker always likes to go for a ride.

However, from how I see it, he looks as if he's trying to break into one. Someone call the cops.

However, from how I see it, he looks as if he’s trying to break into one. Someone call the cops.

76. Penny always likes to check out the home copy machine.

And it seems like she's copying an image of her own ass. Now that's just real immature.

And it seems like she’s copying an image of her own ass. Now that’s just real immature.

77. Crinker really needs to cut down on the Reddi Whip.

And the small metal bottles, too. Seriously, Crinker needs help. Does the North Pole have any 12 step programs?

And the small metal bottles, too. Seriously, Crinker needs help. Does the North Pole have any 12 step programs?

78. Ringer, please, don’t disturb the baby.

And he seems to put a screwdriver in the baby's bassinet. Nothing good can come of this.

And he seems to put a screwdriver in the baby’s bassinet. Nothing good can come of this.

79. Querty, what did that North Pole seminar tell you about sexual harassment?

Please don't hang on the mother's tits. I don't care how you might find her attractive. That's just wrong.

Please don’t hang on the mother’s tits. I don’t care how you might find her attractive. That’s just wrong.

80. Minkler, you know very well not to have sexual relations in a stocking.

However, Minkler doesn't really seem to give a shit, does he? Guess he'll have to face a disciplinary hearing when he gets back to the North Pole.

However, Minkler doesn’t really seem to give a shit, does he? Guess he’ll have to face a disciplinary hearing when he gets back to the North Pole.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Holy Shit Vintage Christmas Advertising of Yesterday (Third Edition)

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Now that Thanksgiving is finally over, it’s time for Black Friday to let the Christmas season finally commence. And I don’t think it would be more appropriate for me to start my cavalcade of Christmas posts than with some good old fashioned yuletide advertising. After all, chances are you’ve probably been bombarded with Black Friday special from retailers since after Halloween. Maybe even before that. Not only that, but several radio stations have already begun playing Christmas songs to so many people’s dismay who think it’s too freaking early. Now I’m fully aware that many people nostalgize over these old Christmas ads with their technicolor illustrations. However, I’ve done such posts twice before and the ads featured here surely aren’t those many tend to forget. In fact, many of them make you scratch your head, especially if it pertains to Santa doing stuff that put him squarely on the naughty list. And no, I don’t mean causing an Type II Diabetes epidemic every time he drinks a bottle of Coca Cola. So for your reading holiday pleasure, I give you some more vintage ads that might make your grandparents revisit parts of a time they’d rather forget.

  1. With Textron menswear, you can sled ride on a log in your pajamas.
And he's smoking a pipe as well as even has a guy pulling him with a string. Also, are those deer ladies in the background? Man, this ad seems to take inspiration from an acid trip.

And he’s smoking a pipe as well as even has a guy pulling him with a string. Also, are those deer ladies in the background? Man, this ad seems to take inspiration from an acid trip.

2. Pause and refresh with the great taste of Coca Cola.

Now this would make a perfectly good ad. If it weren't for that little bottle cap sprite boy handling the reindeer. Seriously, he gives me the creeps.

Now this would make a perfectly good ad. If it weren’t for that little bottle cap sprite boy handling the reindeer. Seriously, I guess he has the reindeer trample bad children.

3. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Interwoven socks.

Also, watch Santa beat the living shit out of Axis power leaders. Still, the Japanese depiction is the mot offensive of the 3. Yellow peril, really?

Also, watch Santa beat the living shit out of Axis power leaders. Still, the Japanese depiction is the mot offensive of the 3. Yellow peril, really?

4. This year, Mrs. Santa Claus gets the greatest gift of all: a brand new refrigerator.

First of all, we know the guy dressed as Santa is her husband. Second, uh, fridges are appliances that should be for the whole family since everyone uses it. Not just the wife.

First of all, we know the guy dressed as Santa is her husband. Second, uh, fridges are appliances that should be for the whole family since everyone uses it. Not just the wife.

5. Why use a flying reindeer pulled sleigh when you can drive a 1950s muscle car?

Uh, Santa, I'm sure you really like that car. But seriously, falling into it from your sleigh really isn't a good idea. The next place could be the ER. Or six feet under.

Uh, Santa, I’m sure you really like that car. But seriously, falling into it from your sleigh really isn’t a good idea. The next place could be the ER. Or six feet under.

6. Lionel trains are always a great gift for young boys.

"Excellent. Soon I'll use this train set to carry out my plan to take over the world. Let's see if I can use it to run over my brother's gerbils."

“Excellent. Soon I’ll use this train set to carry out my plan to take over the world. Let’s see if I can use it to run over my brother’s gerbils.”

7. Santa Claus Soap is always best for laundry.

Okay, the Santa isn't that bad in this one, strangely enough. But if I were him, I'd watch out for that creepy child. She may have murder on the mind if St. Nick doesn't give her the chainsaw and hockey mask she wanted.

Okay, the Santa isn’t that bad in this one, strangely enough. But if I were him, I’d watch out for that creepy child. She may have murder on the mind if St. Nick doesn’t give her the chainsaw and hockey mask she wanted.

8. As Santa says, Chesterfield cigarettes come wrapped and ready.

Yes, nothing says Merry Christmas like the wrapped and ready gift of lung cancer, emphysema, COPD, and a 1 out of 3 chance of an early death. But here you have Santa with a cigarette in his hand. Way to put yourself on the naughty list, Kris Kringle.

Yes, nothing says Merry Christmas like the wrapped and ready gift of lung cancer, emphysema, COPD, and a 1 out of 3 chance of an early death. But here you have Santa with a cigarette in his hand. Way to put yourself on the naughty list, Kris Kringle.

9. Boys, spend your Christmas money on this Red Ryder Carbine BB gun.

Warning: Contains a strong possibility that you'll shoot your eye out, kids. Also doesn't come with a gyroscope as you might've thought from Christmas Story.

Warning: Contains a strong possibility that you’ll shoot your eye out, kids. Also doesn’t come with a gyroscope as you might’ve thought from Christmas Story.

10. Cameo stockings are always great Santa bait.

Yes, Santa loves to look at women who wear Cameo stockings from their windows. Of course, if he didn't have that magic sleigh and a sack full of gifts, he'd probably be subject to hundreds of restraining orders by now.

Yes, Santa loves to look at women who wear Cameo stockings from their windows. Of course, if he didn’t have that magic sleigh and a sack full of gifts, he’d probably be subject to hundreds of restraining orders by now.

11. Remember guys, ladies always love when you give them jewelry from Monet.

This guy's like, "I must've made a mistake. I only gave her some gold bracelets since she's a good friend of mine. Now she thinks we're more than that. Sure she's hot and I fantasize about sleeping with her. But I don't know if this is what I really want right now. I'm so confused."

This guy’s like, “I must’ve made a mistake. I only gave her some gold bracelets since she’s a good friend of mine and it was my turn to play Santa. Now she thinks we’re more than that. Sure she’s hot and I fantasize about sleeping with her. But I don’t know if this is what I really want right now. I’m so confused.”

12. Even Santa Claus himself wears a Botany Tie.

Sorry, but I don't think Santa should really go for business attire. If it weren't for the hat, he could easily be some grizzled old guy in accounting for all I know.

Sorry, but I don’t think Santa should really go for business attire. If it weren’t for the hat, he could easily be some mean grizzled old guy in accounting for all I know.

13. Don’t know what to give a man for Christmas? How about a pen?

Because nothing says "I didn't know what to give you this year but I know you hat ties" like a fancy overpriced pen. I'm sure your man will enjoy it.

Because nothing says “I didn’t know what to give you this year but I know you hat ties” like a fancy overpriced pen. I’m sure your man will enjoy it.

14. If you want to give your man something different, how about something among Avon’s all-men Christmas gifts?

Because nothing makes a manlier Christmas gift than a cologne decanter he can also use as a toy. The covered wagon one is particularly stupid.

Because nothing makes a manlier Christmas gift than a cologne decanter he can also use as a toy. The covered wagon one is particularly stupid.

15. Have your child dream of gingerbread men this Christmas with Royal baking powder.

I don't know about you, but that kid better wake up soon. Or else, surrounding magic gingerbread men might subject him to very terrible things.

I don’t know about you, but that kid better wake up soon. Or else, surrounding magic gingerbread men might subject him to very terrible things. That clown looks pretty shady, too.

16. Bob Hope tells you to hope for the best with Page & Shaw chocolates.

Sorry, but Bob Hope would've made a great Christmas movie horror villain in that Santa suit. Seriously, he's already giving me nightmares.

Sorry, but Bob Hope would’ve made a great Christmas movie horror villain in that Santa suit. Seriously, he’s already giving me nightmares.

17. For air-flight mileage on the road, give Fisk tires.

For one, Santa's sleigh doesn't need tires since it's pulled by reindeer and magic. Second, is he in space? If so, how is he and his reindeer able to function? Oh, right magic.

For one, Santa’s sleigh doesn’t need tires since it’s pulled by reindeer and magic. Second, is he in space? If so, how is he and his reindeer able to function? Oh, right magic.

18. For Christmas travel, you can always go on the Pennsylvania Railroad.

And here we have Santa creeping in on a girl in her sleeping car while the conductor seems to be fine with it. Okay, he probably understands. But it's kind of weird.

And here we have Santa creeping in on a girl in her sleeping car while the conductor seems to be totally fine with it. After all, Santa always sees you when you’re sleeping even on the train.

19. When seeing Santa at the mall, always remember to ask for the Plymouth your dad always wanted.

Because nothing says Christmas like parents using their children as pawns during a Santa visit. No, having your kid ask for a new car you want isn't being a good boy.

Because nothing says Christmas like parents using their children as pawns during a Santa visit. No, having your kid ask Santa for a new car you want isn’t being a good boy.

20. Don’t know what to give your woman for Christmas? How about a set of tupperware?

Because we all know that women can't get enough of colorful plastic containers to store food in. This especially goes for containers you can't put in the dishwasher.

Because we all know that women can’t get enough of colorful plastic containers to store food in. This especially goes for containers you can’t put in the dishwasher.

21. Make your Christmas morning a Kodak moment.

From Cracked: "The photograph that woman is taking is about to be mailed to that girl's mother with a ransom demand, possibly with a tiny severed finger included. That weeping girl has no idea where she is or who the monster behind that fine Kodak camera is. We suppose you could say that, in reality, this is just an ad about a mother photographing her little girl on Christmas morning, and this girl likes to open presents in bed (and the girl is apprehensive because she lives in an era when terror lurks around every corner). But Kodak actually had a whole series of these ads, and each and every one featured a woman photographing a young girl, in her bed, with a doll. Often against the girl's will."

From Cracked: “The photograph that woman is taking is about to be mailed to that girl’s mother with a ransom demand, possibly with a tiny severed finger included. That weeping girl has no idea where she is or who the monster behind that fine Kodak camera is. We suppose you could say that, in reality, this is just an ad about a mother photographing her little girl on Christmas morning, and this girl likes to open presents in bed (and the girl is apprehensive because she lives in an era when terror lurks around every corner). But Kodak actually had a whole series of these ads, and each and every one featured a woman photographing a young girl, in her bed, with a doll. Often against the girl’s will.”

22. What a wonderful Christmas to give a Borg scale!

Well, if anyone asked for it. Otherwise, a bathroom scale gift on Christmas is a way to say to a loved one that they really need to go to the gym or change their diet. Seriously, bathroom scales make horrible Christmas gifts.

Well, if anyone asked for it. Otherwise, a bathroom scale gift on Christmas is a way to say to a loved one that they really need to go to the gym or change their diet. Seriously, bathroom scales make horrible Christmas gifts.

23. GE cool brights are Christmas lights cool enough to touch.

Cracked: "OK, this kid is a little too on board with whatever is going on here. In 1970, GE wanted you to know that their lights were cool to the touch, and this little kid wanted to make sure that was the most awkward thing you learned about all day. Now, it's not this kid's fault that she got a haircut as bowl-shaped and lopsided as one of the Three Stooges, but the look on her face says that either there is something really freaky going on off-camera to the right or she's possessed. You can decide which is creepier."

Cracked: “OK, this kid is a little too on board with whatever is going on here. In 1970, GE wanted you to know that their lights were cool to the touch, and this little kid wanted to make sure that was the most awkward thing you learned about all day. Now, it’s not this kid’s fault that she got a haircut as bowl-shaped and lopsided as one of the Three Stooges, but the look on her face says that either there is something really freaky going on off-camera to the right or she’s possessed. You can decide which is creepier.”

24. For the guy in your life, you can always give him his own Iver Johnson automatic revolver.

Yes, ladies, give your men the gift that's a gleaming instrument of death. Let's hope the gun isn't hanging on the tree by the goddamned trigger while it's loaded.

Yes, ladies, give your men the gift that’s a gleaming instrument of death. Let’s hope the gun isn’t hanging on the tree by the goddamned trigger while it’s loaded.

25. From Harper’s Weekly 1865: Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

From Cracked: "This 1865 ad is actually just Harper's Weekly thanking its customers for their business. But studying it closely, we've developed a theory that the artist started drawing at the top and slowly went insane as he worked his way down. Because at a quick glance, this seems pretty standard issue old-timey Christmas, but our creep-ometer started going off when we saw Santa winking lustfully from the center, being all "Ladies ... I mean ... children." But keep going down to the bottom and you'll see that the town has gathered for the annual Christmas decapitations of their giant-headed residents, as is tradition, which has incorporated the usual Christmas tropes: swords, dwarfs, kung-fu fighting and exactly one clown. Also, the set appears to have caught fire, leaving no hope of escape for anyone in that crowded building."

From Cracked: “This 1865 ad is actually just Harper’s Weekly thanking its customers for their business. But studying it closely, we’ve developed a theory that the artist started drawing at the top and slowly went insane as he worked his way down. Because at a quick glance, this seems pretty standard issue old-timey Christmas, but our creep-ometer started going off when we saw Santa winking lustfully from the center, being all “Ladies … I mean … children.” But keep going down to the bottom and you’ll see that the town has gathered for the annual Christmas decapitations of their giant-headed residents, as is tradition, which has incorporated the usual Christmas tropes: swords, dwarfs, kung-fu fighting and exactly one clown. Also, the set appears to have caught fire, leaving no hope of escape for anyone in that crowded building.”

26. Christmas time is always Guinness time.

Misplaced wildlife aside, I think the Pelican might have a drinking problem. Just look how many bottles he has in its beak. That's not a good sign.

Misplaced wildlife aside, I think the Pelican might have a drinking problem. Just look how many bottles he has in its beak. That’s not a good sign.

27. A Morris car is always great for the whole family.

Don't look now but these kids walked on their mommy kissing Santa Claus or their dad in a Santa suit. And yet, neither seem very fazed about it at all.

Don’t look now but these kids walked on their mommy kissing Santa Claus or their dad in a Santa suit. And yet, neither seem very fazed about it at all.

28. Give your child a special gift for Christmas like a puppy.

For the love of God, don't give your kids a puppy for Christmas since dog ownership is a 10-15 year commitment. Seriously, don't do it. This ad sets a very disturbing trend because a lot of Christmas puppies end up neglected.

For the love of God, don’t give your kids a puppy for Christmas since dog ownership is a 10-15 year emotional commitment. Seriously, don’t do it. This ad sets a very disturbing trend because a lot of Christmas puppies end up neglected.

29. Real Silk hosiery is a great gift for anyone on your list.

Okay, this might not go well with the kids either since this well-dressed man is sitting with a Santa suit. Yeah, that might require some uncomfortable explanation.

Okay, this might not go well with the kids either since this well-dressed man is sitting with a Santa suit. Yeah, that might require some uncomfortable explanation.

30. Even Santa Claus himself enjoys a good smoke now and then.

Of course, remember that enjoying a good smoke will get your lungs full of tar and possibly result in a slow and painful death from lung cancer. Seriously, tobacco kills people for God's sake.

Of course, remember that enjoying a good smoke will get your lungs full of tar and possibly result in a slow and painful death from lung cancer. Seriously, tobacco kills people for God’s sake.

31. This Christmas give your family the gift that keeps on giving, life insurance.

Let's just hope this father doesn't intend to murder his family and cash in on the money. But I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Let’s just hope this father doesn’t intend to murder his family and cash in on the money. But I wouldn’t be so sure about that.

32. Make this a Browning Christmas with a brand new arsenal.

Great for NRA members and crazy nutjobs for their survivalist bunkers. What more could they ask for?

Great for NRA members and crazy nutjobs for their survivalist bunkers. What more could they ask for?

33. There’s nothing more a woman wants from Santa than a new fur coat.

Okay, Santa, buying expensive gifts for women is one thing. Tucking a sleeping woman in a fur coat? Well, that's just goddamn creepy.

Okay, Santa, buying expensive gifts for women is one thing. Tucking a sleeping woman in a fur coat? Well, that’s just goddamn creepy.

34. Take in the aroma of the holiday season on our December 10th Open House at Sandberg Funeral and Cremation Services.

Because there's nothing that's in the spirit of Christmas than dwelling on the notion of your loved one's imminent mortality. Hope they have senior discounts because funerals are expensive.

Because there’s nothing that’s in the spirit of Christmas than dwelling on the notion of your loved one’s imminent mortality. Hope they have senior discounts because funerals are expensive.

35. Nothing makes a great Christmas treat than hot Dr. Pepper.

Uh, Frosty, you know you shouldn't be around hot drinks for obvious reasons. Also, hot soft drinks are disgusting.

Uh, Frosty, you know you shouldn’t be around hot drinks for obvious reasons. Also, hot soft drinks are disgusting.

36. Give your lady the best she deserves for Christmas like a Hoover.

Oh, God, please don't. Seriously, vacuums are noise machines used for cleaning. Women will not love it.

Oh, God, please don’t. Seriously, vacuums are noise machines used for cleaning. Women will not love it. If my boyfriend gave me one, I’d seriously flip out. Great Christmas gift, you say? Hell no!

37. Mackintosh’s Quality Street sweets are enough to even tempt Santa.

Then again, Santa is overweight and prefers baked goods so it's not too much of a stretch. However, he should beware of Bo Peep and the giant toy soldier behind him.

Then again, Santa is overweight and prefers baked goods so it’s not too much of a stretch. However, he should beware of Bo Peep and the giant toy soldier behind him.

38. Kids, how about give your dad a Zippo lighter for Christmas this year?

Let's hope the kid on the right doesn't accidentally light himself on fire with one of those near his ass. Because that would cause a major disaster.

Let’s hope the kid on the right doesn’t accidentally light himself on fire with one of those near his ass. Because that would cause a major disaster.

39. This Christmas, introduce your wife to the joys of canning.

Uh, seriously? Unless she runs her own cottage business, I'm not sure if a bottling outfit is even necessary. I mean this is wrong on so many levels.

Uh, seriously? Unless she runs her own cottage business, I’m not sure if a bottling outfit is even necessary. I mean this is wrong on so many levels.

40. Men, need a last minute gift for the women in your life? Go with Pyrex.

Because nothing says "I didn't put any thought in your Christmas gift and put off my shopping till the last minute" like Pyrex tupperware. Yeah, Pyrex, what a way to promote yourself.

Because nothing says “I didn’t put any thought in your Christmas gift and put off my shopping till the last minute” like Pyrex. Yeah, Pyrex, what a way to promote yourself.

41. More Santas want Fruit of the Loom underwear for Christmas than any other brand.

Because we all know how men proudly hang out on Christmas in their undies isn't very unusual at all. Still, this is pretty awkward.

Because we all know how men proudly hang out on Christmas in their undies isn’t very unusual at all. Still, this is pretty awkward.

42. Doubl-Glo icicles always deck the best dressed Christmas trees.

I don't know about you. But I wouldn't trust that Santa if I were you. He doesn't seem like himself lately.

I don’t know about you. But I wouldn’t trust that Santa if I were you. He doesn’t seem like himself lately.

43. Ann Page foods are of Christmas quality.

Uh, Santa, we know you like food and all. But I suggest you might want to take it down a notch. You're scaring the children.

Uh, Santa, we know you like food and all. But I suggest you might want to take it down a notch. You’re scaring the children.

44. Nothing makes a great Christmas eggnog like Bacardi.

Still, you may not want the eggnog making duties to fall on Santa's elves. Because who knows what else is in their recipe.

Still, you may not want the eggnog making duties to fall on Santa’s elves. Because who knows what else is in their recipe.

45. Please, Santa, can you give Mommy a Hoover!

If she were my daughter, I would say, "You better not ask Santa for a Hoover, young lady!" Because I hate vacuums.

If she were my daughter, I would say, “You better not ask Santa for a Hoover, young lady!” Because I hate vacuums.

46. At Singer, you can always find the best gifts for your family.

Notice in this ad that the son has a Singer record player while the daughter has a toy sewing machine. Sexist? I'll say. Besides, in those days, I'd rather have the record player or the typewriter.

Notice in this ad that the son has a Singer record player while the daughter has a toy sewing machine. Sexist? I’ll say. Besides, in those days, I’d rather have the record player or the typewriter.

47. Remember, guys, ladies always love a man who’d give them a new fur coat. Just ask Santa.

Santa, I don't think Mrs. Claus will approve of you being between these two lovely women. Please, I don't know how she puts up with you being such a perv.

Santa, I don’t think Mrs. Claus will approve of you being between these two lovely women. Please, I don’t know how she puts up with you being such a perv.

48. Give year round pleasure this Christmas with ice buckets.

"Just think, in 50 years, our grandkids will use these to dump ice on themselves for ALS donations. You know that disease that killed Lou Gehrig? Is that cool or what?"

“Just think, in 50 years, our grandkids will use these to dump ice on themselves for ALS donations. You know that disease that killed Lou Gehrig? Is that cool or what?”

49. Santa says that nothing makes a more ideal Christmas gift than weapons.

Using Santa to sell guns and archery equipment, that's just crazy. Then again, deer hunting season is usually over by this point anyway.

Using Santa to sell guns and archery equipment, that’s just crazy. Then again, deer hunting season is usually over by this point anyway.

50. Murad cigarettes: The great Christmas present for grown-ups.

Yes, this smoking Santa ad has him encouraging kids to buy cigarettes for their parents. Because that's what adults want. Let alone that tobacco kills 1 out of 3 of its users worldwide.

Yes, this smoking Santa ad has him encouraging kids to buy cigarettes for their parents. Because that’s what adults want. Let alone that tobacco kills 1 out of 3 of its users worldwide.

51. The results are in, everyone wants Mrs. Claus’s ironing table.

What Mrs. Claus needs is a desk to answer all those letters. Also, what good is having all those elves around if they won't do the ironing for you?

What Mrs. Claus needs is a desk to answer all those letters. Also, what good is having all those elves around if they won’t do the ironing for you?

52. What she’s dreaming for this Christmas is a White sewing machine.

From Buzzfeed: "I’m positive this is not the “white Christmas” she was dreaming about." I kind of agree.

From Buzzfeed: “I’m positive this is not the “white Christmas” she was dreaming about.” I kind of agree.

53. Santa’s future is still in the bag with Mutual Life Insurance.

I don't know about you. But I don't know why Santa would need life insurance exactly. I mean it's widely said he goes on forever.

I don’t know about you. But I don’t know why Santa would need life insurance exactly. I mean it’s widely said he goes on forever. This doesn’t make sense.

54. Have all your gifts initialed with Seagram’s V.O.

From Flashbak: "The 1965 Class of Alcoholics Anonymous. Perhaps, the choice of graduation gifts could’ve been more thought through."

From Flashbak: “The 1965 Class of Alcoholics Anonymous. Perhaps, the choice of graduation gifts could’ve been more thought through.”

55. Ladies, give him the best with Max Factor aftershave.

I understand this is for family. But the fact a young girl has her lips pursed like she expects to be kissed is a pretty disturbing.

I understand this is for family. But the fact a young girl has her lips pursed like she expects to be kissed is a pretty disturbing.

56. Which of these watches will bring you the best kisses this Christmas morning?

From Flashbak: "Which one’s the best? Hmmm. The “extra hug” and and “kiss for every jewel” (and she’ll call you “sir” watches are nice. But, I’ll have the “one [censored] coming right up” watch instead."

From Flashbak: “Which one’s the best? Hmmm. The “extra hug” and and “kiss for every jewel” (and she’ll call you “sir” watches are nice. But, I’ll have the “one [censored] coming right up” watch instead.”

57. Give the kids a Christmas they’ll never forget with Bell & Howell.

From Flashbak: "Kids – look away! There is a Santa Claus… despite how this irresponsible 1944 advert looks. Bell and Howell are dicks."

From Flashbak: “Kids – look away! There is a Santa Claus… despite how this irresponsible 1944 advert looks. Bell and Howell are dicks.”

58. This Christmas treat your car to some roller bearings.

From Flashbak: "1946 Ad Bower Roller Bearings advert…. strange that there would even be an advert for roller bearings in the first place. Even stranger it would feature girls in sexy Christmas costumes."

From Flashbak: “1946 Ad Bower Roller Bearings advert…. strange that there would even be an advert for roller bearings in the first place. Even stranger it would feature girls in sexy Christmas costumes.”

59. This year make it a family Christmas with Weldon pajamas.

Because nothing says Christmas like wearing matching pink and red pajamas for the whole family. It's amazing if Sonny won't look back at this moment with embarrassment years later.

Because nothing says Christmas like wearing matching pink and red pajamas for the whole family. It’s amazing if Sonny won’t look back at this moment with embarrassment years later.

60. Who needs mistletoe when you have Johnny Walker Red?

Okay, this is a very troubling ad since it hints Christmas date rape. A present no young woman wants period.

Okay, this is a very troubling ad since it hints Christmas date rape. A present no young woman wants period.

61. A boy becomes a man on Christmas when he receives his first typewriter.

From Flashbak: "Yes, since Biblical days, the rite of manhood has been the sacred Gifting of the Typewriter. This advert is from 1976 – it wouldn’t be long before the typewriter would go the way of the abacus and daguerreotype."

From Flashbak: “Yes, since Biblical days, the rite of manhood has been the sacred Gifting of the Typewriter. This advert is from 1976 – it wouldn’t be long before the typewriter would go the way of the abacus and daguerreotype.”

62. When Santa relaxes, he always has his elves tending to his every need.

So Santa gets to relax with the elves who do everything for him for who who knows what. Also, Santa usually drinks Coca Cola from the bottle. An elf shouldn't pour a glass for him.

So Santa gets to relax with the elves who do everything for him for who who knows what. Also, Santa usually drinks Coca Cola from the bottle. An elf shouldn’t pour a glass for him.

63. This Christmas Santa Claus has a sack filled with Chesterfield cigarettes.

Yes, nothing says Christmas like the gift of lung cancer. Santa, you really want us to smoke? God almighty!

Yes, nothing says Christmas like the gift of lung cancer. Santa, you really want us to smoke? God almighty!

64. Santa Claus knows that Westinghouse fridges don’t freeze.

Yet, did he really have to have Inuit children help him? I mean he has elves and I know that's not a great depiction of Native Americans.

Yet, did he really have to have Inuit children help him? I mean he has elves and I know that’s not a great depiction of Native Americans.

65. Nothing makes Frosty feel at home than a basement freezer.

Looks like Frosty the Snowman is now sleeping with the fish sticks. Guess global warming has really got to him these days.

Looks like Frosty the Snowman is now sleeping with the fish sticks. Guess global warming has really got to him these days.

66. Rest your head this Christmas with a Koolfoam pillow.

From Bob Canada: "This poor family of wretches has apparently been without proper head support for a very long time. Dad's positively in ecstasy as he paws at that new pillow. Little Suzie is even ignoring her brand new doll so that she can cop a feel off of that stuffed sack of Nirvana."

From Bob Canada: “This poor family of wretches has apparently been without proper head support for a very long time. Dad’s positively in ecstasy as he paws at that new pillow. Little Suzie is even ignoring her brand new doll so that she can cop a feel off of that stuffed sack of Nirvana.”

67. A Schwinn bike makes a perfect Christmas gift for a kid.

From Retail Hell Underground: "Look at that kid's eyes. He is absolutely planning to murder you with his shiny new Schwinn. It doesn't matter that bikes are made of smooth metal and squishy rubber and luxurious pleather -- he will find a way to butcher you with it, probably after practicing on no less than five neighborhood pets. And check out that drawn-out "O-OH-H." Not only is he getting his first Schwinn, he's also experiencing his first orgasm. The first ones are so easy, aren't they? But soon you get jaded, and the only way you can get your rocks off is by watching a prostitute choke to death on a bicycle bell, her death rattle accompanied by plaintive ringing."

From Retail Hell Underground: “Look at that kid’s eyes. He is absolutely planning to murder you with his shiny new Schwinn. It doesn’t matter that bikes are made of smooth metal and squishy rubber and luxurious pleather — he will find a way to butcher you with it, probably after practicing on no less than five neighborhood pets. And check out that drawn-out “O-OH-H.” Not only is he getting his first Schwinn, he’s also experiencing his first orgasm. The first ones are so easy, aren’t they? But soon you get jaded, and the only way you can get your rocks off is by watching a prostitute choke to death on a bicycle bell, her death rattle accompanied by plaintive ringing.”

68. Santa always knows that a boy wants his own Stevens rifle for Christmas.

From Retail Hell Underground: "We can't emphasize enough that this 1906 ad is for real guns. Not cork guns or BB guns -- actual, "hunt your own food and shoot a man down in cold blood" guns. And this one is being placed beside a sleeping child by a visibly conniving Santa, as if he's preparing the kid for some Christmas morning Hunger Games in which only the sole survivor gets the stocking."

From Retail Hell Underground: “We can’t emphasize enough that this 1906 ad is for real guns. Not cork guns or BB guns — actual, “hunt your own food and shoot a man down in cold blood” guns. And this one is being placed beside a sleeping child by a visibly conniving Santa, as if he’s preparing the kid for some Christmas morning Hunger Games in which only the sole survivor gets the stocking.”

69. When Santa sees you when you’re sleeping, he sometimes even films it.

From Retail Hell Underground: "He sees you when you're sleeping. He also films you when you're sleeping. Then he shows everybody in a seedy, poorly lit theater. We really wish we could see those people's hands ... Wait, no! We take that back."

From Retail Hell Underground: “He sees you when you’re sleeping. He also films you when you’re sleeping. Then he shows everybody in a seedy, poorly lit theater. We really wish we could see those people’s hands … Wait, no! We take that back.”

70. There’s nothing better on Christmas than getting drunk on Kinsey with a ghost.

From Retail Hell Underground: "Easily the best part of any Christmas gathering is when you sit down with your buddy for a nice toast with Kinsey Whiskey and fucking drunken ghosts show up to party. Also, does that guy have a framed photo of himself on the table? Your holiday parties may be painfully awkward, but at least they're not whiskey-fueled ghost keggers with unrepentant narcissists."

From Retail Hell Underground: “Easily the best part of any Christmas gathering is when you sit down with your buddy for a nice toast with Kinsey Whiskey and fucking drunken ghosts show up to party. Also, does that guy have a framed photo of himself on the table? Your holiday parties may be painfully awkward, but at least they’re not whiskey-fueled ghost keggers with unrepentant narcissists.”

Exclusive Magazine Cover Disasters Through the Ages

cosmo-spoof

In a media landscape nowadays, you’d think there’s a magazine for everything. They also come in many forms depending on content. Some may focus on important news stories and analysis like Time and Newsweek. Some may feature interesting educational content from around the world like National Geographic or Smithsonian. Some may pertain to celebrity gossip, fashion, and household tips like the mainstream magazines you see on the racks in a grocery store. Nevertheless, they have loomed large in our pop culture landscape for a long time. After all, most of those vintage ads you’ve probably seen in my vintage blog posts came from magazines. Yet, each magazine issue comes with a cover that advertises what’s inside. For many issues, such images have become rather iconic and well known. Yet, there are also covers that cause considerable controversy. In this post, I’ll feature a treasure trove of magazine covers that will make you scratch your head. Some of these contain photoshop fails (which make people look very unflattering). Some pertain to images that might be unintentionally funny. Some may contain a lot of formatting mistakes. You name it. So enjoy these at your peril.

  1. In Popular Science, learn how to build your own family foxhole.
Apparently, the folks at Popular Science had no idea that a lot of people had basements in their homes in the 1950s. Or that an underground shelter is simply not an option for people in some areas like Florida.

Apparently, the folks at Popular Science had no idea that a lot of people had basements in their homes in the 1950s. Or that an underground shelter is simply not an option for people in some areas like Florida.

2. Presenting our current issue of Rugged Men: the masochist issue.

Because nothing makes a man more rugged than having 2 sexy blondes tie his hands and feet, hoist him up without his shirt on, and whip him senseless. Think about it as Fifty Shades of Grey om reverse.

Because nothing makes a man more rugged than having 2 sexy blondes tie his hands and feet, hoist him up without his shirt on, and whip him senseless. Think about it as Fifty Shades of Grey om reverse.

3. On Man’s Life, we will feature a man attacked by a swarm of bloodthirsty bats.

No, most bats don't viciously attack humans without probable cause. Sure they may spread disease from time to time. But the guy never should've entered the bat cave, at least without a shirt on.

No, most bats don’t viciously attack humans without probable cause. Sure they may spread disease from time to time. But the guy never should’ve entered the bat cave, at least without a shirt on.

4. Today in Man’s Life, beware of the killer turtles.

Sure turtles might have a vicious side. But this cover just seems too hard to take seriously.

Sure turtles might have a vicious side. But this cover just seems too hard to take seriously. I mean the guy’s trying to ward off attacking turtles for God’s sake.

5. On this issue of time, the Beatles.

So why did Time decide to go with freakish Beatles puppets? Couldn't they just put a photo of the Fab Four and leave it at that?

So why did Time decide to go with freakish Beatles puppets? Couldn’t they just put a photo of the Fab Four and leave it at that?

6. In Electrical Experimenter, we introduce to you the Teleport Phone.

Sure they may not have a phone keypad. But they can certainly Skype.

Sure they may not have a phone keypad. But they can certainly Skype.

7. On this issue of Good Housekeeping we sit down with First Lady Michelle Obama.

Or an evil robot of Michelle Obama that has killed her and taken her place. Yes, this is terrible photoshop indeed.

Or an evil robot of Michelle Obama that has killed her and taken her place. Yes, this is terrible photoshop indeed.

8. This issue of Time features the magic of virtual reality.

So is this guy really at the beach experiencing a different virtual reality. Or is that beach a virtual reality? I can't tell.

So is this guy really at the beach experiencing a different virtual reality. Or is that beach a virtual reality? I can’t tell.

9. Time Magazine calls Chris Christie The Boss.

This issue appeared in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. However, the mob boss style photo treatment is actually quite fitting for the shady New Jersey governor who caused a massive traffic jam out of spite.

This issue appeared in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. However, the mob boss style photo treatment is actually quite fitting for the shady New Jersey governor who caused a massive traffic jam out of spite.

10. In Man’s Life, our top story is vicious killer monkeys.

Yes, monkeys can be quite vicious creatures. But this is utterly ridiculous to take seriously. Hope that guy's knife comes in handy.

Yes, monkeys can be quite vicious creatures. But this is utterly ridiculous to take seriously. Hope that guy’s knife comes in handy.

11. In this issue of Weird Tales, we feature a living female buddha.

However, I find it hard to believe that a female buddha would be a redheaded white girl who's dressed like she's from a Las Vegas strip club. But that's just me.

However, I find it hard to believe that a female buddha would be a redheaded white girl who’s dressed like she’s from a Las Vegas strip club. But that’s just me.

12. This issue of Time features hockey.

Hey, I didn't know that Jason Voorhees played hockey before he resorted to killing teenagers. Why did nobody tell us about it?

Hey, I didn’t know that Jason Voorhees played hockey before he resorted to killing teenagers. Why did nobody tell us about it?

13. No, I don’t think this is a magazine about prostitution.

It's actually titled Where magazine. But the fact the woman covers part of the "e" seems to suggest otherwise.

It’s actually titled Where magazine. But the fact the woman covers part of the “e” seems to suggest otherwise.

14. I’m sure all of you remember Time’s infamous O.J. Simpson cover.

No, O.J. isn't that black. But don't tell the people of Time. And yes, I do believe he did it since he's had a record of abuse.

No, O.J. isn’t that black. But don’t tell the people of Time. And yes, I do believe he did it since he’s had a record of abuse.

15. Sometimes in magazine cover design, placement is everything.

This is called, "Parents" magazine. However, the mother's head on the "a" and the green blurb on the "t" makes sound something completely different.

This is called, “Parents” magazine. However, the mother’s head on the “a” and the green blurb on the “t” makes sound something completely different.

16. When doing a cover story on a terrorist suspect, don’t slap photo on the cover that makes him look like a teen rock star.

This is Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, who's the surviving Boston Marathon Bomber. The people of Boston weren't happy about this cover at all.

This is Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, who’s the surviving Boston Marathon Bomber. The people of Boston weren’t happy about this cover at all.

17. Time Magazine informs us that we’re all puppets controlled by some external puppetmeister.

Well, this is about sociobiology. But the picture seems to suggest something even more sinister. Like we're all slaves to something outside ourselves.

Well, this is about sociobiology. But the picture seems to suggest something even more sinister. Like we’re all slaves to something outside ourselves.

18. This issue of The Economist discusses the trouble with mergers.

So what the hell does camel sex have to do with mergers? Seriously, that makes no sense whatsoever. And it makes camel parents angry.

So what the hell does camel sex have to do with mergers? Seriously, that makes no sense whatsoever. And it makes camel parents angry.

19. In this issue of Spy, it’s obvious that O.J. Simpson is guilty.

If Spy thinks he's guilty, then why do they have him dressed up as George Washington? It's just so absurd. Then again, maybe that's the point.

If Spy thinks he’s guilty, then why do they have him dressed up as George Washington? It’s just so absurd. Then again, maybe that’s the point.

20. In this issue of Time: Are Men Really that Bad?

So basically Time implies that men are pigs. Yet, some sure can dress.

So basically Time implies that men are pigs. Yet, some sure can dress.

21. Today’s special issue of Bloomberg is dedicated to tax evaders.

Actually they're talking about how rich people avoid paying taxes like tax shelters and taking advantage of loopholes. I'm sure it'll give some wealthy people ideas.

Actually they’re talking about how rich people avoid paying taxes like tax shelters and taking advantage of loopholes. I’m sure it’ll give some wealthy people ideas.

22. We devote this issue of This is Harrison County to suppositories.

Actually Butt Drugs is a name of a drugstore there. Yet, the name is quite unfortunate so I include this cover.

Actually Butt Drugs is a name of a drugstore there. Yet, the name is quite unfortunate so I include this cover.

23. In Men magazine, Attack of the Giant Otter.

Yes, the giant otter springs to attack some guy in his tent during the night. And that otter is about to have a lamp smashed at it.

Yes, the giant otter springs to attack some guy in his tent during the night. And that otter is about to have a lamp smashed at it.

24. This week in Esquire, the Passion of Muhammad Ali.

Note that they're depicting Muhammad Ali like Saint Sebastian who had arrows shot into him. And that it's not real at all. But it's surely in poor taste.

Note that they’re depicting Muhammad Ali like Saint Sebastian who had arrows shot into him. And that it’s not real at all. But it’s surely in poor taste.

25. This week in Esquire, Andy Warhol is sucked into a whirlpool of Campbell’s Tomato Soup.

Let's hope he comes back from the froth of saltiness. Yes, these old magazine covers can be surreal.

Let’s hope he comes back from the froth of saltiness. Yes, these old magazine covers can be surreal.

26. For Men’s Fitness, we sit down with tennis star Andy Roddick.

I don't know about you. But do you get the impression that one of Andy's arms is bigger than the other. Or is it just me?

I don’t know about you. But do you get the impression that one of Andy’s arms is bigger than the other. Or is it just me?

27. This week’s issue of Life magazine discusses the Generation Gap.

Uh, having people in blue man's glasses doesn't seem to help their case. In fact, makes you wonder if the photo shopper was on acid.

Uh, having people in blue man’s glasses doesn’t seem to help their case. In fact, makes you wonder if the photo shopper was on acid.

28. This week’s issue of Life magazine features an album of Christmas carols.

There's something not right about that golden hair child. Hope you don't find this little moppet in your home during the night.

There’s something not right about that golden hair child. Hope you don’t find this little moppet in your home during the night.

29. In this week’s issue of Life, we feature the scary cloaked masked lady.

Yes, she kind of seems a bit creepy to me. I don't think her soulless eyes contain anything lively for years.

Yes, she kind of seems a bit creepy to me. I don’t think her soulless eyes contain anything lively for years.

30. I guess this is the girls with guns issue of Black Mask.

I hear this Ammo Amy is perhaps the NRA's dream girl. I mean look at all the guns she carries. That's insane!

I hear this Ammo Amy is perhaps the NRA’s dream girl. I mean look at all the guns she carries. That’s insane!

31. In this issue of Male, man takes on giant lizard.

Wonder if this inspired the Star Trek episode where Captain Kirk fights Gorn. Though the man wouldn't use a sword. And the black guy gets trampled.

Wonder if this inspired the Star Trek episode where Captain Kirk fights Gorn. Though the man wouldn’t use a sword. And the black guy gets trampled.

32. In this issue of Stag, we learn how to protect ourselves against crabs.

Looks like STD prevention won't work in this case. Guess this might mean using a shovel.

Looks like STD prevention won’t work in this case. Perhaps a different kind of protection is needed like body armor.

33. According to True Men, even ripped guys are helpless when they’re attacked by hordes of flying squirrels.

Attacking squirrels? Really? Do you know how that's not scary? In fact, it's pretty ridiculous that you'll have to be nuts to imagine it.

Attacking squirrels? Really? Do you know how that’s not scary? In fact, it’s pretty ridiculous that you’ll have to be nuts to imagine it.

34. In Le Vie Parisienne, we feature a woman reading on the train.

Sorry, lady, but transparent top and a lifted skirt will draw attention. Even when you don't intend to.

Sorry, lady, but transparent top and a lifted skirt will draw attention. Even when you don’t intend to.

35. If you’re into shirtless covers, you’ll like this one from Africa’s Bowhunter.

This looks like a cheap cover with amateur photoshop for a cheap magazine. Also, the font isn't great either.

This looks like a cheap cover with amateur photoshop for a cheap magazine. Also, the font isn’t great either.

36. The New Republic features what’s rotten in Great Britain.

Yet, do we have to bring Princess Kate's dental health into this? Besides, those teeth aren't even real.

Yet, do we have to bring Princess Kate’s dental health into this? Besides, those teeth aren’t even real.

37. Presenting the Bill Clinton issue of Esquire.

No, Esquire, don't go with the Bill Clinton's legs spread. Seriously, that really doesn't help his scandal-prone reputation.

No, Esquire, don’t go with the Bill Clinton’s legs spread. Seriously, that really doesn’t help his scandal-prone reputation.

38. On Escape, man is driven to his death by gorgeous bare breasted Amazons.

Things really don't seem great for that guy about to be thrown into the volcano. Man, I don't think this magazine likes women.

Things really don’t seem great for that guy about to be thrown into the volcano. Man, I don’t think this magazine likes women.

39. In today’s Battle Cry, we feature a Nazi orgy.

Funny how the women are clad in their underwear while the guys are in full uniform. Doesn't seem to make much sense.

Funny how the women are clad in their underwear while the guys are in full uniform. Doesn’t seem to make much sense.

40. Looks like Der Spiegel doesn’t like Queen Elizabeth II.

Okay, they're really not telling the Queen to die even though it seems so. "Die" here simply means "the." So there's nothing to worry about.

Okay, they’re really not telling the Queen to die even though it seems so. “Die” here simply means “the.” So there’s nothing to worry about.

41. This issue of Marie Claire features the one and only Eva Mendes.

Thanks to photoshop, all her body parts are out of proportion. This especially goes for her head.

Thanks to photoshop, all her body parts are out of proportion. This especially goes for her head.

42. Tina Fey graces the cover of this month’s issue of In Style.

Tina Fey doesn't look like herself in this. Seriously, you have to wonder what's going on with her during the photo shoot.

Tina Fey doesn’t look like herself in this. Seriously, you have to wonder what’s going on with her during the photo shoot.

43. This issue of Elle, we sit down with Australian sensation Kyle Minogue.

And I have no idea what the hell happened to her leg. Surely, the other shoe should appear in this even with the knee bent.

And I have no idea what the hell happened to her leg. Surely, the other shoe should appear in this even with the knee bent.

44. In Russia, Vogue can be quite different.

This is especially true when you see a model's hand but no lower arm. Seriously, something's missing here.

This is especially true when you see a model’s hand but no lower arm. Seriously, something’s missing here.

45. This issue of Vogue we feature LeBron James and Gisele Bunchen.

Uh, no, Vogue. This has plenty of racist connotations that it's not even funny. Seriously, this is not cool.

Uh, no, Vogue. This has plenty of racist connotations that it’s not even funny. Seriously, this is not cool.

46. On W, we’re pleased to feature Demi Moore.

Unfortunately, they chopped off some of her hip in this. Also, it's likely they just pasted her head to a model's body, anyway.

Unfortunately, they chopped off some of her hip in this. Also, it’s likely they just pasted her head to a model’s body, anyway.

47. From Oops!, we have the pleasure to sit down with Taylor Swift.

Inside, we'll address the ongoing rumors of Ms. Swift being an evil space alien who uses her music to control minds. And whether she plans to assemble her own army to take over Earth.

Inside, we’ll address the ongoing rumors of Ms. Swift being an evil space alien who uses her music to control minds. And whether she plans to assemble her own army to take over Earth.

48. At Glamor, join us for an exclusive interview with Kristen Stewart.

Now we'll ask what the hell happened to her arm. Because we don't seem to see it in this photo.

Now we’ll ask what the hell happened to her arm. Because damn photoshop!

49. In Time, we discuss how Ted Cruz plans to make himself more likable.

He really doesn't look likable in this photo. More like a smug Lucius Malfoy type. Of course, it's hard to make a man like that likable at all.

He really doesn’t look likable in this photo. More like a smug Lucius Malfoy type. Of course, it’s hard to make a man like that likable at all.

50. How’s it hanging in Golf Week?

Why is there a noose in a golf magazine? It's a magazine about golf not executions.

Why is there a noose in a golf magazine? It’s a magazine about golf not executions.

51. In this issue of Esquire, the bearded lady finally shaves.

Okay, she probably doesn't have a beard. But the fact she's shaving her face is kind of disturbing for me. Not sure why.

Okay, she probably doesn’t have a beard. But the fact she’s shaving her face is kind of disturbing for me. Not sure why.

52. In this issue, Time takes you into the world of Cyberpunk.

So is this how they saw cyberculture in the early 1990s? Because they make it seem kind of shady.

So is this how they saw cyberculture in the early 1990s? Because they make it seem kind of shady.

53. This issue of Time talks about Cyber War.

From Time: "Two decades before drone strikes were a common part of military combat, 'Time' was busy warning us that a cyber war was coming." We should've listened.

From Mashable: “Two decades before drone strikes were a common part of military combat, ‘Time’ was busy warning us that a cyber war was coming.” We should’ve listened.

54. Amazon.com founder Jeff Bezos comes in a box.

From Mashable: "Most people named "Person of the Year" get stately cover photo shoots. But if you're Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, the fact that Amazon is a website means you're relegated to the geek pile. And geeks don't get serious covers. They get their heads stuffed in boxes of packing peanuts and computer mice." Still, this is really creepy.

From Mashable: “Most people named “Person of the Year” get stately cover photo shoots. But if you’re Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, the fact that Amazon is a website means you’re relegated to the geek pile. And geeks don’t get serious covers. They get their heads stuffed in boxes of packing peanuts and computer mice.” Still, this is really creepy.

55. This month, Rolling Stone features the Passion of Kanye West.

Now, Rolling Stone, you don't have to make your cover in a way that Kanye West sees himself. Seriously, we don't need to feed into his enormous ego.

Now, Rolling Stone, you don’t have to make your cover in a way that Kanye West sees himself. Seriously, we don’t need to feed into his enormous ego.

56. Gracing Todateen is teen sensation Justin Bieber.

Or him as a soulless mannequin who'll kill you in your dreams. You can take your pick.

Or him as a soulless mannequin who’ll kill you in your dreams. You can take your pick.

57. If you like Scandal, then you better get this Essence issue featuring Kerry Washington.

Her body seems totally out of proportion on this one. Maybe it's the outfit. Or maybe it's photoshop. I can't tell which.

Her body seems totally out of proportion on this one. Maybe it’s the outfit. Or maybe it’s photoshop. I can’t tell which.

58. You can’t miss Kerry Washington on this month’s cover of Lucky.

Here she discusses what it's like to be turned into a zombie. Before she eats the reporter who interviewed her.

Here she discusses what it’s like to be turned into a zombie. Before she eats the reporter who interviewed her.

59. This Glamour issue features the ultimate drama queen Kristen Stewart.

Kristen Stewart looks about as lifeless on this cover as she did in the Twilight movies. And I'm sure she's no drama queen by any stretch of the imagination.

Kristen Stewart looks about as lifeless on this cover as she did in the Twilight movies. And I’m sure she’s no drama queen by any stretch of the imagination.

60. In this issue of Life, we give you a sneak preview of the moon landing.

To be fair, this issue came out in 1962. But we all know Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin didn't wear garbage can spacesuits when they came out of the module.

To be fair, this issue came out in 1962. But we all know Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin didn’t wear garbage can spacesuits when they came out of the module.

61. In this issue of Wildlife we talk about lions.

But do we really need to use "pussies galore" in a wildlife magazine. I know you mean cats, but still. It's not great terminology.

But do we really need to use “pussies galore” in a wildlife magazine. I know you mean cats, but still. It’s not great terminology.

62. In Man’s Life magazine, we caution you to beware of attacking otters.

A guy being attacked by otters, that's crazy. I mean otters are playful and cuddly. So it's hard to take seriously.

A guy being attacked by otters, that’s crazy. I mean otters are playful and cuddly. So it’s hard to take seriously.

63. You never know what will be featured in Nails.

From Nails: "It takes a while to see that the cover model is jumping out of a nail. What’s the connection of the image with the cover story? Your guess is as good as ours."

From Nails: “It takes a while to see that the cover model is jumping out of a nail. What’s the connection of the image with the cover story? Your guess is as good as ours.”

64. On this issue of V, we feature Naomi Campbell.

Okay, another woman all tied up and having her mouth taped shut. Now this is very disturbing if you ask me.

Okay, another woman all tied up and having her mouth taped shut. Now this is very disturbing if you ask me.

65. This issue discusses the occult revival and Satan’s return.

Okay, that looks a bit scary. I bet readers will have freak out of this. Yeah, doesn't look good.

Okay, that looks a bit scary. I bet readers will have freak out of this. Yeah, doesn’t look good.

66. In this week’s cover from Shape Up, we cover bodybuilder Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Of course, don't get in shape Arnold's way at the time because he clearly used steroids. Also, there might be something rising in his pants.

Of course, don’t get in shape Arnold’s way at the time because he clearly used steroids. Also, there might be something rising in his pants.

67. In Men Today, check out how Nazis put underwear clad women in piranha pools.

Look, I know the Nazis were terrible people whose cruelty knew no bounds. But please, I'm sure none of them used piranha pools where they could put scantily clad women in. That's just ridiculous.

Look, I know the Nazis were terrible people whose cruelty knew no bounds. But please, I’m sure none of them used piranha pools where they could put scantily clad women in. That’s just ridiculous.

68. Jennifer Lopez rules in this issue of Rolling Stone.

I'm sorry but I don't think J.Lo fits into warrior princess mode. That just doesn't seem like her.

I’m sorry but I don’t think J.Lo fits into warrior princess mode. That just doesn’t seem like her.

69. Ricky Martin gets deep in Rolling Stone.

And here he is in a pool full of naked women. Uh, it's kind of established that Ricky Martin likes guys. Seriously, he's been out of the closet for a long time.

And here he is in a pool full of naked women. Uh, it’s kind of established that Ricky Martin likes guys. Seriously, he’s been out of the closet for a long time.

70. In Terror Tales, love goes mad.

Yes, she loves the Grim Reaper so much that she'll walk all over the River Styx with hands trying to grab her. And here Death just rows along.

Yes, she loves the Grim Reaper so much that she’ll walk all over the River Styx with hands trying to grab her. And here Death just rows along.

71. In this issue of Time, we go to Adolf Hitler playing his organ near his wheel of torture.

This is the one when he was Person of the Year during the 1930s. But at least they give you an idea of how evil he is.

This is the one when he was Person of the Year during the 1930s. But at least they give you an idea of how evil he is.

72. At Bloomberg we talk of how Walmart’s workers love working there.

For some reason, I don't see a happy face behind that smiley face mask. It's pretty clear the smiley face is a facade of this Walmart greeter's misery.

For some reason, I don’t see a happy face behind that smiley face mask. It’s pretty clear the smiley face is a facade of this Walmart greeter’s misery.

73. In this issue of Bloomberg, we talk about the hedge fund myth.

Seems like the man in this cover is in an interesting position. And it seems vaguely inappropriate how the arrows spring from his crotch.

Seems like the man in this cover is in an interesting position. And it seems vaguely inappropriate how the arrows spring from his crotch.

74. This month’s Vanity Fair, we take you to Miley Cyrus.

I know this cover seemed to get a lot of flack. But she doesn't look right in this. Not sure why.

I know this cover seemed to get a lot of flack. But she doesn’t look right in this. Not sure why.

75. In Weird Tales, creepy Asian guy wants blonde to play Wheel of Fortune.

Okay, maybe that's not Wheel of Fortune. But this really doesn't have a good perception on Asians. The guy looks so evil.

Okay, maybe that’s not Wheel of Fortune. But this really doesn’t have a good perception on Asians. The guy looks so evil.

76. Time brings you into the world of dirty words.

So they're talking about American pop culture containing swear words. Well, they can just fuck it for all I care. Because this looks fucking awful.

So they’re talking about American pop culture containing swear words and how it’s ruining everything. Well, they can just fuck it for all I care. Because this looks fucking awful.

77. In this issue of Weird Tales, Death goes for naked women.

This magazine seems to have a lot of scantily clad women on their covers. Possibly since sex sells. Yet, this is crazy.

This magazine seems to have a lot of scantily clad women on their covers. Possibly since sex sells. Yet, this is crazy.

78. In Weird Tales, learn how to keep winged demons out of your relationship.

I guess a knife will certainly scare the creepy guy off. But I'm not sure if it will be enough.

I guess a knife will certainly scare the creepy guy off. But I’m not sure if it will be enough.

79. In this issue of For Men Only, it’s best that you beware of the minks.

Because they will attack in droves. And even the most manly men won't be able to stop them from eating flesh. Yes, these minks kill for your blood.

Because they will attack in droves. And even the most manly men won’t be able to stop them from eating flesh. Yes, these minks kill for your blood.

80. Sophia Loren doesn’t wear much for her Life cover.

While I can understand why she's not wearing much, her outfit is best to be desired. Seriously, that looks atrocious.

While I can understand why she’s not wearing much, her outfit is best to be desired. Seriously, that looks atrocious.

81. Crime Detective presents blondes in bondage.

Okay, she's more likely a skimpy clothed kidnap victim dressed to entice male readers. But you get the idea. Still, this is in very poor taste.

Okay, she’s more likely a skimpy clothed kidnap victim dressed to entice male readers. But you get the idea. Still, this is in very poor taste and even she’s not happy about it.

82. Time introduces you to the world of Vladimir Putin.

Here we have him in a candid pose with the title, "Hello, Comrade." Yet, despite the friendly presentation, they say he's anything but a nice guy from Russia.

Here we have him in a candid pose with the title, “Hello, Comrade.” Yet, despite the friendly presentation, they say he’s anything but a nice guy from Russia.

83. Sarah Jessica Parker graces the cover of Harper’s Bazaar.

In this issue, they ask her about her life before coming to Earth. They also talk to her about how her eyes can shoot laser beams.

In this issue, they ask her about her life before coming to Earth. They also talk to her about how her eyes can shoot laser beams.

84. Hope you can enjoy the latest fashion from this month’s issue of Elle.

Don't mind how one of these women seems to have a freakishly long neck. Or how she might be a vampire.

Don’t mind how one of these women seems to have a freakishly long neck. Or how she might be a vampire.

85. In Weird Tales, there’s no escape from zombies trying to get you.

I get the impression this magazine focuses a lot on the occult. Also, I don't think a whip will save you.

I get the impression this magazine focuses a lot on the occult. Also, I don’t think a whip will save you.

86. Jerry Yang from Yahoo! surfs the net at Time.

Even in the 1990s, this looked pretty stupid. Certainly really looks outdated now. Don't know why they thought it was a good idea.

Even in the 1990s, this looked pretty stupid. Certainly really looks outdated now. Don’t know why they thought it was a good idea.

87. Seventeen reconnects with Sarah Michelle Gellar on her life after Buffy.

Well, her head is a bit big for her body while her arms are a little rubbery. I mean this doesn't look like Sarah Michelle Gellar in the slightest.

Well, her head is a bit big for her body while her arms are a little rubbery. I mean this doesn’t look like Sarah Michelle Gellar in the slightest.

88. In Weird Tales, we go to India where turban guys sexually traffic white women.

And it seems that any scantily clad women in Weird Tales is seen as white. Makes me wonder if it has anything to do with Missing White Woman Syndrome.

And it seems that any scantily clad women in Weird Tales is seen as white. Makes me wonder if it has anything to do with Missing White Woman Syndrome.

89. In Weird Tales, bald emperor guy tries to seduce a blonde.

Yep, that's what it looks like. And she's being carried by women and androgynous bald servants. Also, is that a knife?

Yep, that’s what it looks like. And she’s being carried by women and androgynous bald servants. Also, is that a knife?

90. Time asks you whether you’re mom enough.

I'm sure that boy is way too old to breastfeed by now. Also, Time, how dare you sexualize motherhood and drag a toddler in the national spotlight. This kid will never live it down in high school.

I’m sure that boy is way too old to breastfeed by now. Also, Time, how dare you sexualize motherhood and drag a toddler in the national spotlight. This kid will never live it down in high school.

91. Rolling Stone tells us what it’s like to be Brad Pitt.

Hmmm...so Brad Pitt is smoking a cigarette and wearing a dress. I'm sure he wouldn't want this issue to see the light of day.

Hmmm…so Brad Pitt is smoking a cigarette and wearing a dress. I’m sure he wouldn’t want this issue to see the light of day.

92. Gracing this issue of W is none other than Janet Jackson.

From Carolyn Collado: "The pop artist didn’t deserve such distasteful W cover with her body looking distorted. The W magazine have done everything to ruin the diva’s image including too much makeup, unbecoming outfit and awkward pose you would wonder where was Janet’s neck that time."

From Carolyn Collado: “The pop artist didn’t deserve such distasteful W cover with her body looking distorted. The W magazine have done everything to ruin the diva’s image including too much makeup, unbecoming outfit and awkward pose you would wonder where was Janet’s neck that time.”

93. On the cover of Vanity Fair Spain is Hilton Hotel heiress Paris Hilton.

From Carolyn Collado: "Greg Lotus image for Paris Hilton for Vanity Fair Spain in January 2012 looked stunning and perfect if only for the fact that we are kinda confused whether the magazine really tapped the hotel heiress for the cover or did they have Paris Hilton’s wax figure covered on her behalf? The excessive retouching defeated the purpose of glamour that we rather pay more attention to her cute pup."

From Carolyn Collado: “Greg Lotus image for Paris Hilton for Vanity Fair Spain in January 2012 looked stunning and perfect if only for the fact that we are kinda confused whether the magazine really tapped the hotel heiress for the cover or did they have Paris Hilton’s wax figure covered on her behalf? The excessive retouching defeated the purpose of glamour that we rather pay more attention to her cute pup.”

94. Time sits down with tech sensation and Microsoft founder Bill Gates.

From Mashable: "Imagine you're Bill Gates and you get a phone call saying, "Congratulations, you're on the cover of 'Time' magazine!" and then, in the next breath, they say, "but we want you to look like a stereotypical nerd and spin a floppy disk in your hands." In 1984, this would be reality for the future richest man on Earth."

From Mashable: “Imagine you’re Bill Gates and you get a phone call saying, “Congratulations, you’re on the cover of ‘Time’ magazine!” and then, in the next breath, they say, “but we want you to look like a stereotypical nerd and spin a floppy disk in your hands.” In 1984, this would be reality for the future richest man on Earth.”

95. For Time, it’s 3 cheers for Prince Charles and Princess Diana.

Prince Charles looks particularly unflattering in this. Also, keep in mind that after 2 boys, they'd both cheat on each other and later divorce. Also, Diana died in a car wreck.

Prince Charles looks particularly unflattering in this. Diana doesn’t look great either. Also, keep in mind that after 2 boys, they’d both cheat on each other and later divorce. Also, Diana died in a car wreck.

96. Time scares you with the horrors of children and cyber porn.

To be honest, online porn exposure in children is a very real concern in this day in age. But this cover really makes it horrifying.

To be honest, online porn exposure in children is a very real concern in this day in age. But this cover really makes it horrifying.

97. New in Time, what doctors hate about hospitals.

This doctor seems like the hospital is a house of horrors. Well, this cover story explores medical errors.

This doctor seems like the hospital is a house of horrors. Well, this cover story explores medical errors.

98. According to Spy, Hillary Clinton is a dominatrix.

Or a BDSM dominatrix who should be our next president by now instead of the orange faced fuckwad president-elect we already have. Fuck you, white voters in Rust Belt states. Okay, maybe the BDSM Hillary is a little too far for 1993.

Or a BDSM dominatrix who should be our next president by now instead of the orange faced fuckwad president-elect we already have. Fuck you, white voters in Rust Belt states. Okay, maybe the BDSM Hillary is a little too far for 1993.

99. The New Yorker features the Obamas on their cover.

Now this looks pretty offensive and I remember when it came out. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert would later parody this.

Now this looks pretty offensive and I remember when it came out. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert would later parody this.

100. Time features the golden geeks.

From Mashable: "Marc Andreessen became a BFD after Netscape went public -- and part of being a BFD meant that 'Time' would sit him in a royal chair and make him take off his shoes. And thus, the modern mythos that Silicon Valley entrepreneurs don't wear shoes was born."

From Mashable: “Marc Andreessen became a BFD after Netscape went public — and part of being a BFD meant that ‘Time’ would sit him in a royal chair and make him take off his shoes. And thus, the modern mythos that Silicon Valley entrepreneurs don’t wear shoes was born.”

Why We Need to Defend Network Neutrality

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Since the 1990s, the internet has become so much a part of our lives that it’s easy to imagine that it will always remain the free and open medium it is now. We’d like to believe it will remain a place where you can always access any lawful content you want and where those delivering that content can’t play favorites because they disagree with the message being delivered or want to charge more money for faster delivery. However, despite that we have rules in place protecting network neutrality thanks to the Federal Communications Commission, there may be no such guarantees after January 20, 2017. Why? Because not only did 60 million voters elect an unrespectable man like our soon-to-be groper-in-chief, Republicans have control of both houses in Congress and will more than likely retain power on the Supreme Court. Furthermore, there Senate hasn’t reconfirmed a Democratic FCC commissioner to another 5-year-term. Not only that, but the man President-Elect Evil Cheeto Head wants to chair the FCC is a longtime opponent of net neutrality and telecom lobbyist. If Donald Trump and his swamp cronies have their way within the next 4-8 years, this open internet and the network neutrality principles that sustain it, could be a thing of the past. Profits and corporate disfavor of controversial viewpoints or competing services can change both of what you see online and your connection quality. And the need to monitor what you do online in order to play favorites means even more consumer privacy invasions piled up on top of the NSA’s prying eyes. A lot of Americans don’t know about net neutrality because it doesn’t get a lot of coverage on the news media than it should. As for me, I first heard about this from my parents while I was in high school after they watched something from Bill Moyers about it. Those who do overwhelmingly support it across the political spectrum. And many Americans take the notion of a free and open internet for granted which they will sure to miss. But unfortunately, its share of detractors are in high positions of power as well as contribute generously to Republican politicians. Here I list a rough FAQ on net neutrality basics because if there’s a time we need to know and preserve net neutrality to protect the internet, it is now.

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Network neutrality is the principle that requires all legal content to be treated equally by internet service providers. This allows consumers to pay a monthly fee to the ISPs in order to access any website and service they want. Net neutrality is essential for a free and open internet in a digital economy as well as in a 21st century democracy.

What Is Network Neutrality?

Network neutrality is the guiding principle that internet service providers and government regulators should allow access to all applications and content regardless of source and without favoring or blocking particular products or websites. In other words, while ISPs provide you access to the internet, they should treat all services and websites the equally, which lets you use it as much as you want for anything you want at the cost of a monthly fee. Network neutrality preserves a free and open internet while preventing companies from discriminating against different kinds of websites and services.

What’s the Difference Between ISPs and Content Providers?

An ISP is a company that provides you access to the Internet like AT&T, Comcast, Verizon, Cox, Charter, and Time Warner Cable. Most people get their high-speed internet access from only these few telecommunication giants. The very few smaller carriers usually rely on the big guys to serve their customers. Content providers are companies that create and/or distribute videos and programs like Netflix and Amazon. Sometimes ISPs can also be content providers as well since Comcast owns NBC Universal as well as delivers TV shows and movies through its Xfinity internet service.

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We should care about network neutrality because it encourages innovation, promotes free speech, and prevents abuse by ISP gatekeepers. Without it, ISPs would demand a cut from every website in order to funnel that content to customers and possibly slow down or block content they don’t like. What the ISPs want the internet to be like should be unacceptable to all Americans.

Why Should We Care About Network Neutrality?

Network neutrality is essential because a free and open internet is the single greatest technology of our times that stimulates ISP competition, helps prevent unfair pricing practices, promotes innovation, promotes the spread of ideas, drives entrepreneurship, and protects freedom of speech. Overall, network neutrality keeps the internet a cornerstone of freedom and opportunity. When we receive or send data over the internet, we expect our ISPs to transfer it from one end of the network to the other. We don’t expect them to analyze or manipulate it. Without net neutrality, telecommunications companies can carve the internet into fast and slow lanes. An ISP can slow down its competitors’ content or block political opinions it disagreed with. ISPs can also charge extra fees to the few content companies that could afford to pay for preferential treatment while relegating everyone else to a slower rate of service. Such actions could destroy an open internet. So this is a very important issue.

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Telecom companies want to interfere with their customers’ internet mainly for profit and corporate interests. They want to block speech that would make them look bad, slow down or block applications that aren’t their own, and increase profits by making developers pay more to avoid having their data blocked or slowed down.

Why Would the Telecoms Want to Interfere with Internet Data?

Well, the answer boils down to simple profit and corporate interests. Companies might want to interfere with speech that makes them look bad, block applications that compete with their own, or increase their profit by forcing developers to pay more to avoid having their data blocked or slowed down.

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Those who believe that competition will ensure a free and open internet are sorely mistaken since building broadband is expensive that most ISPs are telecom companies since they already have the communication infrastructure already in place. And as far as internet provider consumer choice is concerned, most Americans are usually limited to 3 or fewer.

Won’t Competition Prevent Them from Doing Any of This?

Sorry, free-market believers, but your faith in the divine forces of capitalism will not save you. Normally competition should and would prevent telecoms from interfering with internet data. But it won’t. For one, data manipulation isn’t always easily detectable. Content can be delayed or distorted in a number of subtle ways. Secondly, building a high-speed broadband service is very expensive so there aren’t many of them. So it’s no surprise that they tend to be big phone and cable companies because they already have the data “pipes” in place. Most Americans don’t have more than a handful for legitimate high-speed broadband options at home (the vast majority have 3 or fewer). What this means is that customers can’t switch if big broadband providers start messing around with their service. Additionally, big content providers like Netflix have to send their data through these “last mile” gatekeepers. So, all you free-market absolutist libertarians, the current market competition just isn’t enough to stop them from blocking services or charging more for a fast lane.

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If telecom companies had their way which might happen under a Trump administration, you can expect a the future of the internet to look like a pay to play service like this. Doesn’t seem like one you’d want, does it?

Have There Been Any Actual Instances of Service Providers Interfering with the Internet or Is This All Theoretical?

Real abuses have happened consistently over the past decade. New technologies now allow telecom companies to scrutinize over every piece of information we send or receive online like websites, email, videos, Internet phone calls, or data generated by games or social networks. They could also program the computers that route that information to interfere with the data flow by slowing down or blocking traffic and communicators that they don’t like while speeding up traffic they do or that pays them extra for the privilege. To put it this way, imagine if your phone company could mess with your calls every time you tried to order a pizza from Domino’s because Pizza Hut is paying them to route their calls first. Though opponents claim the threat is only “theoretical” or that applying common carrier principles to the internet is a “solution in search of a problem,” there have been numerous incidents of abuse. There’s AT&T censoring words from Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder when he sang, “George Bush, leave this world alone” and “George Bush find yourself another home.” The company complained the words were censored to prevent youth visiting the website from being exposed to “excessive profanity.” Though the song contained none. They later blamed it on an external website contractor hired to screen the performance.  There’s Comcast discriminating against an entire class of online activities by using deep packet inspection to block file transfers from customers using popular peer-to-peer networks like BitTorrent, eDonkey, and Gnutella. In national tests conducted by the Associated Press, their actions were confirmed to be unrelated to network congestion since blocking took place at times when it wasn’t congested. And while Comcast blocked applications often used in trade videos like pirated content, much of what was blocked was legitimate. Then we have Verizon cutting off text-messaging program by the pro-choice group NARAL that it used to send messages to its supporters. The company stated that it wouldn’t service programs from any group “that seeks to promote an agenda or distribute content that, in its discretion, may be seen as controversial or unsavory to any of our users.” And that was just 2007. These are just incidents but this kind of behavior hasn’t become broadly accepted to the internet structure. But without enforceable net neutrality rules in place (which can happen under a Trump administration), that could quickly happen. The consistency of these abuses tells us all we need to know about what will happen if companies are permitted to exploit their power over our Internet connections.

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Net neutrality is great for business since it puts small businesses, startups, and entrepreneurs on an fair and playing field. They rely on net neutrality to launch their business, create a market, advertise their products and services, and distribute their goods to customers. This helps create jobs, competition, and innovation. Without it, ISPs would seize every possible opportunity to profit which would squeeze its competitors out.

Why Is Network Neutrality Important for Business?

Net neutrality is crucial for small business owners, startups, and entrepreneurs, because they rely on an open internet to launch their business, create a market, advertise their products and services, and distribute their goods to customers. They need an open internet to foster job growth, competition, and innovation in the 21st century and beyond. Net neutrality lowers the barriers for them by ensuring the web is a fair and level playing field. And it’s because of net neutrality that businesses and entrepreneurs are able to thrive online. They use the internet to reach new customers as well as showcase their goods, applications and services. Since ISPs are by definition the gatekeepers to the internet, they would seize every possible opportunity to profit from that gatekeeper control if net neutrality wasn’t in place while the next Google wouldn’t get off the ground. So no company should be able to interfere with this open marketplace.

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Net neutrality is essential for a free democracy in the 21st century because it protects freedom of speech. Not only that, but net neutrality allows the internet to be a platform for voices to be heard who wouldn’t be represented otherwise in our media landscape.

Why Is Network Neutrality Important for Communities of Color?

The open internet allows communities of color to tell their own stories as well as organize for racial and social justice. The mainstream media has failed to allow people of color speak for themselves. And due to economic inequality and runaway media consolidation, they own only a handful of broadcast stations. This lack of divers ownership is a primary reason why the media has gotten away with portraying minority communities stereotypically. The open internet gives marginalized voices opportunities to be heard which they wouldn’t previously have access to. Without net neutrality, ISPs could block unpopular speech and prevent dissident voices from speaking freely online. This would lead people of color to lose a vital platform. Not to mention, millions of minority owned small businesses wouldn’t be able to compete with large corporations online, which would further deepen economic inequality in our nation’s most vulnerable communities. This isn’t just limited to communities of color either. For instance, the Internet is a great place to find out about environmental disasters in rural areas that tend to slip under the radar, which I’ve put to very good use. Not to mention, since runaway media consolidation and decline in newspapers has led to less local voices being heard from within their communities and less local content being produced, having a free and open internet more than makes up for it.

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President-Elect Cheeto Creepazoid is a known opponent of net neutrality and has a known telecom lobbyist he wants to tap to head the FCC. It’s also clear that he doesn’t understand net neutrality either. Since he’s an extremely greedy and vindictive bastard who’s no friend to free speech, expect to take his views on this subject very seriously. Because starting January 20, 2017, net neutrality’s days may be numbered.

Why Do We Need to Defend Network Neutrality?

In February 2015, the Federal Communications Commission enacted Title II reclassification of internet access service to a telecommunications service which allows the agency to create strong network neutrality rules allowing customers to have reasonable, reliable, and nondiscriminatory services. What the FCC did was designate ISPs as “common carriers” or private companies that sell their services to consumers without discrimination. This is similar to how consumers received landline telephone service. A federal court decision has also upheld the ruling.  However, even good ideas have their detractors and net neutrality is no different. Since the 2015 FCC Title II classification, opponents have worked everywhere from Congress to the courts in order to dismantle or undermine it. While foes have filed 10 lawsuits over it, Republican lawmakers have put forth more than a dozen bills or amendments to weaken or kill the FCC’s new regulations. None succeeded. However, Donald Trump’s election to the presidency as well as guaranteed Republican control of Congress and possibly the Supreme Court is very likely to mean that net neutrality’s days may be numbered. Trump will appoint 2 new commissioners in 2017 (while a Democratic member hasn’t been reconfirmed for another term) and has 2 people on his transition team with strong ties to the telecom industry. Trump’s man to run the FCC is Jeffrey Eisenach who’s a known anti-regulatory zealot criticized for his anti-neutrality stance as a think tank scholar while receiving funds from Verizon to underwrite his work. As Center for Digital Democracy executive director Jeffrey Chester states, “What Trump appears to be doing on internet and privacy policy is basically allowing the swamp to decide our digital future, allowing crocodiles to eat up our rights. What the big cable and phone companies want Trump to do is to turn the internet over to them to run as a private fiefdom.” Since Trump is known to be very pro-business and a greedy sociopath as well as no friend to the First Amendment and constitutional rights, his opposition to net neutrality is almost certainly sincere. So as soon as Trump is sworn in, expect net neutrality to be a threat.

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Here is a small snapshot of net neutrality camps. Most Americans aware of net neutrality usually favor it along with the following mentioned. Those opposed are usually telecom companies as well as free-market conservatives and libertarians.

Who Supports Network Neutrality?

The good news is that network neutrality enjoys huge bipartisan support among consumers since more than 4 million Americans have filed public comments with the FCC about it, which is more than any other issue it’s handled. Chances are if Americans have heard of net neutrality, they most likely support it regardless of race, age, creed, political stance, or income level. The fact so many organizations support it like Greenpeace, Gun Owners of America, the Christian Coalition, the Electronic Frontiers Foundation, AARP, American Library Association, Consumer Federation of America, and the Media Access Project illustrates how popular net neutrality is across the political spectrum. You can include unions and religious institutions as well. It also enjoys strong support from small businesses and large companies like Apple, Netflix, Tumblr, Kickstarter, Wikia, Microsoft, Facebook, Twitter, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo!, Etsy, and others. President Barack Obama is one of the most prominent supporters of net neutrality whose expressed commitment to the cause helped lead to the landmark 2015 FCC ruling that designated the internet as a utility to preserve it and so are most Democratic Party politicians.

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This is Pennsylvania US Representative Tim Murphy (R). He represents my congressional district. Unlike the most of his possible constituents Murphy publicly opposes network neutrality which is against the interests of every internet user, mostly due to big telecom companies giving him big wads of cash. That and how nobody seems to successfully run against him. If you live in my congressional district and think you can beat him, give me a call. Please, I don’t want him representing me any more. And I don’t care if people in my district approve of him.

Who Opposes Network Neutrality?

The bad news is that despite being a highly good and popular idea, net neutrality has a lot of very powerful enemies such as telecommunications industries, some network engineers, conservative to libertarian scholars, and many Republican politicians. Major ISPs and telecommunication companies like Comcast, Verizon, Cox, AT&T, and Time Warner mainly oppose net neutrality because they want to manage internet access like blocking charging users different rates to access different services or simply blocking certain services altogether. The 2015 FCC Title II ruling was not great to their bottom line that they’ve vowed to fight these regulations all the way to the Supreme Court. And in fact, the last time the FCC tried to instill net neutrality protections, Verizon sued and the rules were overturned by a federal court in 2014. These companies have lobbied against net neutrality 3 times as hard as its biggest proponents as well as outspent them 5 to 1. They also heavily contribute to Republican political campaigns which explains why so many GOP politicians oppose net neutrality while their constituents overwhelmingly don’t. Many of these politicians call it, “Obamacare for the Internet.” Organizations against net neutrality are usually free-market advocacy groups like FreedomWorks, Americans for Prosperity, the American Enterprise Institute, the Competitive Enterprise Institute, Citizens Against Government Waste, and the Progress and Freedom Foundation. Tech companies like IBM, Intel, Cisco, Qualcomm, and Juniper also oppose net neutrality measures as well.

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The main reason why many Americans don’t know much about net neutrality is due to runaway media consolidation. As of 2016, 90% of the media is controlled by 6 corporation. Two of these corporations are telecom giants like Comcast and Time Warner who oppose net neutrality.

Why Don’t We Hear About Network Neutrality?

Mostly because the mainstream media rarely talks about it if ever. Yes, there may have been an episode of John Oliver about it as well as some discussion on PBS but that’s about it. A big reason for this is media consolidation. As of now, only 6 corporations control 90% of media in the United States, including Comcast and Time Warner who are known to oppose net neutrality. And it doesn’t help that Comcast owns MSNBC while Time Warner owns CNN. Then there’s Fox News which is a conservative news outlet owned by Rupert Murdoch. Not to mention, a lot of telecoms sponsor a lot of news programming which can influence their content. The fact so many Americans have never heard about net neutrality leads them to take the notion of a free internet for granted. And if Trump’s administration gets rid of it, most Americans will miss it.

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Protecting Network Neutrality is important for all Americans and we need to make sure it survives the Trump administration. 21st America depends on a free and open internet which is essential for our society. This is a list of what you can do.

What Can We Do to Protect Network Neutrality?

Well, you can do a lot of things to protect network neutrality. You can e-mail the Federal Communications Commission. You can contact your state representatives (though make sure they’re not against net neutrality before you do so because a lot of them receive campaign contributions from giant telecom companies. So if you live in Pennsylvania and your representative is Tim Murphy or Joseph Pitts, contact Senator Bob Casey instead. Because Senator Pat Toomey is against net neutrality, too, along with these big telecom industry stooges). You can donate to civil liberties and consumer groups like Public Knowledge, Electronic Frontiers Foundation, Free Press, Consumers Union, and the American Civil Liberties Union. You can stay informed and tell your friends. At any rate, remember that network neutrality isn’t a partisan issue so don’t let Trump’s swamp cronies let telecom companies slow down or block sites users love. And let the FCC use its Title II powers to stop them.

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Remember Trump and his swamp cronies are enemies of the free and open internet we know and love. Don’t let them kill network neutrality or this will happen. Please, my fellow Americans, I know most of you support this. Please don’t fail me like you did in the 2016 Election. America can’t afford this.

The Seaside World of Seashells

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I know this is more suited for a summer post instead of the middle of November. But I’ve also had this idea for a while. And if I don’t do a post on this before Thanksgiving, it’ll be on my mind until after Christmas. Because I will not have any time to do such a post after next week. Of course, we all should know that a seashell is a hard, protective, outer layer created by an invertebrate sea creature. It’s usually the part of the animal (like its exoskeleton) unless it’s a hermit crab that lives in the most appropriate shell it can find at the moment. Empty seashells are often found on beaches by beachcombers and they’re usually such because the animal has died while the soft parts have been either eaten by another animal or rotted out. Most of the seashells you see on the seashore are those of marine mollusks partly because these shells endure better than others. But other shells found on beaches can be those of barnacles, horseshoe crabs, and brachiopods. Yet, freshwater shells do exist as well as those of freshwater mussels and snails along with land snails. Though such shells aren’t usually very large compared to their ocean counterparts. Anyway, people have used seashells for many different purposes since prehistoric times. Some people have used seashells for money as well as tools, fertilizer, ritual objects, musical instruments, jewelry, and decoration. You can also find seashells on sale at a store. However, just take note the majority of seashells that are offered for commercial sale have often been collected alive in bulk before being killed and cleaned. Such large-scale exploitation can have a strong negative impact on local ecosystems and may significantly reduce the distribution of a rare species. Anyway, in this post, I intend to give you treasure trove of seashell crafts for your reading pleasure. Hope you enjoy these.

  1. This net tapestry is filled with ocean richness.
Well, the shells seem to be of all kinds of different shapes, sizes, and colors. Not sure if any of those are painted.

Well, the shells seem to be of all kinds of different shapes, sizes, and colors. Not sure if any of those are painted.

2. Seashells make a nice touch to this nautical wreath.

Well, most of these will be ocean themed. So you might as well get used to the nautical lore.

Well, most of these will be ocean themed. So you might as well get used to the nautical lore.

3. It takes many different shells to make a fishy wall hanging.

Well, you have scallops, mussels, a starfish and sand dollars. But yes, it still looks quite fishy to me. And that's fine.

Well, you have scallops, mussels, a starfish and sand dollars. But yes, it still looks quite fishy to me. And that’s fine.

4. A seaside mirror should be decked with the right seashells.

Now I'm sure the seashells involved here were from multiple beach excursions. Still, looks quite stunning if you ask me.

Now I’m sure the seashells involved here were from multiple beach excursions. Still, looks quite stunning if you ask me.

5. This shell cross is a sacred seaside relic.

Doesn't hurt that the shells all match in color. Hope this isn't due to bleaching. But it's lovely just the same.

Doesn’t hurt that the shells all match in color. Hope this isn’t due to bleaching. But it’s lovely just the same.

6. Never thought you can find seashells in gold, didn’t you?

Never underestimate the magic of spray paint. Of course, some of these only have a partial coating.

Never underestimate the magic of spray paint. Of course, some of these only have a partial coating.

7. With a basket of small shells, you can make intricate patterns.

Wonder how many animals had to die to make this possible. Still, it's a wonderful pattern for any home.

Wonder how many animals had to die to make this possible. Still, it’s a wonderful pattern for any home.

8. You’ll never know what you might find in an oyster.

Okay, you don't find that many pearls in an oyster. But you have to admit, this is pretty amazing.

Okay, you don’t find that many pearls in an oyster. But you have to admit, this is pretty amazing.

9. For a better mirror frame, it’s usually shiny shell side up for some.

Like how they used the smaller shells for an inner frame. Gives it a rather seashore touch. Love it.

Like how they used the smaller shells for an inner frame. Gives it a rather seashore touch. Love it.

10. You’ll never know how many shells you can find in a net.

Well, this is a longer net than the last one I showed. But it's nonetheless fitting for an ocean scene.

Well, this is a longer net than the last one I showed. But it’s nonetheless fitting for an ocean scene.

11. With a birdbath and a glass top, you can have a seashell table top.

Would make a fine addition to any beach house living room. You can also add other stuff in there, too.

Would make a fine addition to any beach house living room. You can also add other stuff in there, too.

12. No beach side cabin should ever do without a seashell wreath.

Now that's a good way to use shells one's found on the beach. Like the starfish.

Now that’s a good way to use shells one’s found on the beach. Like the starfish.

13. This sacred shell cross uses shells both big and small.

Well, this one uses small snail shells as well as larger ones. Think this cross design is better than the last one I showed.

Well, this one uses small snail shells as well as larger ones. Think this cross design is better than the last one I showed.

14. An assortment of seashells makes a great vase decoration.

Yes, I know it's just a shell decoration. But it certainly gives a seaside flair if you think about it.

Yes, I know it’s just a shell decoration. But it certainly gives a seaside flair if you think about it.

15. A boat wreath is never complete without shells and nets.

Well, you can bet it's an ocean wreath when there are seashells on it. If not, then it might as well be a lake one.

Well, you can bet it’s an ocean wreath when there are seashells on it. If not, then it might as well be a lake one.

16. With this seashell tiara, you can become queen of the sea.

However, since it contains chicken wire, I'm not sure if it would be very comfortable. Might go well with a mermaid costume though.

However, since it contains chicken wire, I’m not sure if it would be very comfortable. Might go well with a mermaid costume though.

17. A conch arrangement often makes a splendid seashell bouquet.

Helps if it has purple gorgonian, too. Yes, atypical shells do exist, too.

Helps if it has purple gorgonian, too. Yes, atypical shells do exist, too.

18. With tiny shells, you can make a dangling shell curtain.

Because shells come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Have to admire the time and energy it took to make this.

Because shells come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Have to admire the time and energy it took to make this.

19. A mermaid queen would kill to have this seashell tiara.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find appropriate seashell crafts on Pinterest for a seashell bra. Because I know the shells involved are fake.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find appropriate seashell crafts on Pinterest for a seashell bra. Because I know the shells involved are fake.

20. Sometimes a mirror frame just requires the right scallops.

Love the shiny shells on this one. Gives this mirror a certain beach side elegance.

Love the shiny shells on this one. Gives this mirror a certain beach side elegance.

21. You have never seen anything as amazing like these mussel trees.

Love how each of them is trimmed with pearls at the ends. Also, the blue color enchants as well.

Love how each of them is trimmed with pearls at the ends. Also, the blue color enchants as well.

22. This seashell wreath only offers a small sampling of what’s on the seashore.

Or the kind of ocean life that's under threat due to global warming. Yes, ocean acidification is a very real thing.

Or the kind of ocean life that’s under threat due to global warming. Yes, ocean acidification is a very real thing.

23. I’m sure nobody could ever resist these seashell puppies.

Yes, I put these in because I know how much people would find them adorable. What's not to love about them?

Yes, I put these in because I know how much people would find them adorable. What’s not to love about them?

24. A blue shell wreath really brings out a beach side touch.

You have to admire the starfish and the bow. Makes it perfect for any beach side cottage.

You have to admire the starfish and the bow. Makes it perfect for any beach side cottage.

25. With enough shiny shells, you can make a mirror frame like this.

Well, it certainly looks like something you'll find in a mermaid home under the sea. Love how intricate it is to behold.

Well, it certainly looks like something you’ll find in a mermaid home under the sea. Love how intricate it is to behold.

26. Set some things on these coral shelves.

Well, they're held up by corals which sometimes wash to the shore. Yet, each gives a nice ocean touch.

Well, they’re held up by corals which sometimes wash to the shore. Yet, each gives a nice ocean touch.

27. Store some precious belongings in this small seashell box.

Well, certainly seems like a box one might find on the seashore. Yet, it's better suited as a decorative item on land.

Well, certainly seems like a box one might find on the seashore. Yet, it’s better suited as a decorative item on land.

28. A seashell tiara like this makes a perfect ocean crown.

Okay, it's more of a crown than a tiara. But come on, any mermaid princess would want one like this.

Okay, it’s more of a crown than a tiara. But come on, any mermaid princess would want one like this.

29. With a basket of seashells, this mirror frame will surely stand out.

Guess this mirror took a lot of time to make from the looks of it. Yet, it seems perfect for any beach side living room or bedroom.

Guess this mirror took a lot of time to make from the looks of it. Yet, it seems perfect for any beach side living room or bedroom.

30. A lighthouse scene can always do with a few seashells on the bottom.

After all, lighthouses appear on the shores in order to serve as a beacon of hope for lost sailors. So it kind of fits to some extent.

After all, lighthouses appear on the shores in order to serve as a beacon of hope for lost sailors. So it kind of fits to some extent.

31. This shell clock can always tell when it’s high tide.

Okay, maybe not. But you have to admire how it's decorated with starfish and sand dollars.

Okay, maybe not. But you have to admire how it’s decorated with starfish and sand dollars.

32. For Christmas on the beach, this star fish topper is perfect for any tree.

So I feature some Christmas decorations on here. Hey, it's not like I'll use ones like these in the next Christmas crafts post any time soon.

So I feature some Christmas decorations on here. Hey, it’s not like I’ll use ones like these in the next Christmas crafts post any time soon.

33. With a scallop and different sized clams, you can create a wind chime.

I'm sure it'll sound quite different than ones made from metal and glass. Still a thing of beauty though.

I’m sure it’ll sound quite different than ones made from metal and glass. Still a thing of beauty though.

34. Of course, some shell mirror frames can be occasionally dark in small places.

This seems like the kind of mirror Ursula would own. Well, if she wasn't more into a simple design in her lair.

This seems like the kind of mirror Ursula would own. Well, if she wasn’t more into a simple design in her lair.

35. Seashells go well with any lighthouse mosaic.

Again, lighthouses are a common motif here. Still, they may often not be decked with shells, you have to hand it to the person who created this.

Again, lighthouses are a common motif here. Still, they may often not be decked with shells, you have to hand it to the person who created this.

36. Seashells can always make a twig wreath look sensational.

Well, if it weren't for the shells, it would just be a wreath of twigs. The shells give this one a lot of color and charm.

Well, if it weren’t for the shells, it would just be a wreath of twigs. The shells give this one a lot of color and charm.

37. Sometimes dirty shells can make a more natural mirror frame.

Yes, I know I show a lot of unique mirror frames on this post. And I know many of these aren't very practical. But they're worth seeing I guarantee you.

Yes, I know I show a lot of unique mirror frames on this post. And I know many of these aren’t very practical. But they’re worth seeing I guarantee you.

38. If you hail from Australia, these seashell koalas will warm your heart.

Who knew you could make koalas out of clam shells. These are adorable. Comes with eucalyptus tree.

Who knew you could make koalas out of clam shells. These are adorable. Comes with eucalyptus tree.

39. These seashell owls are a real hoot.

I guess seashell owls would be easier to make than a lot of seashell animals. But these are truly stunning to look at.

I guess seashell owls would be easier to make than a lot of seashell animals. But these are truly stunning to look at.

40. With seashells, you can make sensational dresses for dolls like these.

Of course, you shouldn't touch them for obvious reasons. Love the one in the purple dress the best.

Of course, you shouldn’t touch them for obvious reasons. Love the one in the purple dress the best.

41. A seashell wreath can always do with a few flowers.

Okay, the flowers might be fake. But it seems like great decoration for any beach side wedding or home.

Okay, the flowers might be fake. But it seems like great decoration for any beach side wedding or home.

42. With enough shells of white, you can make your own seahorse.

This one even has a bridle to boot. Note that most seahorses aren't really horses. They're fish.

This one even has a bridle to boot. Note that most seahorses aren’t really horses. They’re fish.

43. These black seashell flowers are must to any sea side bouquet.

Well, they have mussel shell petals and a snail center. And yes, they look quite lovely with fake stems and leaves.

Well, they have mussel shell petals and a snail center. And yes, they look quite lovely with fake stems and leaves.

44. These shells shown are laid out with a touch of silver.

Again, this was made possible by the magic of spray paint. But none of these have a total coat for understandable reasons.

Again, this was made possible by the magic of spray paint. But none of these have a total coat for understandable reasons.

45. A coral candelabra is perfect for a romantic dinner on the beach.

Okay, it's not totally made from coral since there are shells on the base. But it certainly looks delicate enough to be from under the sea.

Okay, it’s not totally made from coral since there are shells on the base. But it certainly looks delicate enough to be from under the sea.

46. No beach beauty should ever go without pearl and mussel shell earrings.

Okay, those seem quite big for my ears. Yet, if you have strong skin, go for it.

Okay, those seem quite big for my ears. Yet, if you have strong skin, go for it.

47. A sailboat wreath can always use a few seashells.

After all, it's usually the ocean where you see most of these boats anyway. Love how the ribbon matches the sail.

After all, it’s usually the ocean where you see most of these boats anyway. Love how the ribbon matches the sail.

48. These seashell flowers are almost as stunning as the real thing.

Yes, this is a seashell flower arrangement. Yes, it probably took a lot of time and energy to make. But it's surely a thing of beauty.

Yes, this is a seashell flower arrangement. Yes, it probably took a lot of time and energy to make. But it’s surely a thing of beauty.

49. Sometimes as seashell box has a rough top to it.

Yes, it's another seashell box. But these things can be quite fancy if you see enough of them.

Yes, it’s another seashell box. But these things can be quite fancy if you see enough of them.

50. A sea beauty must always be decked in the finest seashells.

This is actually a kind of sculpture people seem to create with shells. I'm not sure why. But it's kind of a thing.

This is actually a kind of sculpture people seem to create with shells. I’m not sure why. But it’s kind of a thing.

51. For that old porcelain look, you may paint these shells blue and white.

Yes, they certainly do have that look to them. But I'm sure some of my readers will enjoy them.

Yes, they certainly do have that look to them. But I’m sure some of my readers will enjoy them.

52. For any seaside bride, a seashell bouquet is a must.

Sure it might be a delicate arrangement. But I'm not sure how you can toss it and not break anything on it. Seashells aren't made of sturdy stuff.

Sure it might be a delicate arrangement. But I’m not sure how you can toss it and not break anything on it. Seashells aren’t made of sturdy stuff.

53. For the yuletide festivities at the beach, this shell Christmas tree will do.

And it surely has to be topped with a starfish, too. Honestly, I'll probably not include this with Christmas crafts this year anyway.

And it surely has to be topped with a starfish, too. Honestly, I’ll probably not include this with Christmas crafts this year anyway.

54. A seashell wreath should be made to carry on an impression.

Seems like it's touched with some seaweed or something that resembles it. Of course, in the sea, there are a lot of animals that look like plants.

Seems like it’s touched with some seaweed or something that resembles it. Of course, in the sea, there are a lot of animals that look like plants.

55. A white shell mirror frame always has a classy look.

Again, I know I've shown a lot of mirror frames on here. But I assure you this white one does have a pearly finish to it. Lovely.

Again, I know I’ve shown a lot of mirror frames on here. But I assure you this white one does have a pearly finish to it. Lovely.

56. This seashell flower picture is a colorful sight at the shore.

Yes, seashell flower pictures are a thing as I've seen at Pinterest. Yet, I love this one the best.

Yes, seashell flower pictures are a thing as I’ve seen at Pinterest. Yet, I love this one the best.

57. With seashells, you can really create an impressive work of art.

This is another one of those figures they decorate with seashell. But this one seems to take shell adornments to a whole new level.

This is another one of those figures they decorate with seashell. But this one seems to take shell adornments to a whole new level.

58. A seashell table can always use some sand.

Of course, sand can get quite messy as well as everywhere. But if you really like the beach, I won't advise against it.

Of course, sand can get quite messy as well as everywhere. But if you really like the beach, I won’t advise against it.

59. For this flower, it all takes a twig and some seashells.

Such shell art never ceases to amaze me. You also have to admire the petals and leaves, too.

Such shell art never ceases to amaze me. You also have to admire the petals and leaves, too.

60. Sometimes it takes a lot of seashells to make one large scallop.

I guess this was done by an artist who had too much time on their hands. At any rate, this is incredible.

I guess this was done by an artist who had too much time on their hands. At any rate, this is incredible.

61. This seashell wreath looks great on any front door.

This includes shells of all shapes, sizes, and colors along with twigs and starfish. Beautiful.

This includes shells of all shapes, sizes, and colors along with twigs and starfish. Beautiful.

62. For those who love Christmas at the beach, you might want to go with these starfish trees.

For some reason, starfish trees like these don't remind me of Christmas. Mostly because I tend to picture snow when there isn't in my area.

For some reason, starfish trees like these don’t remind me of Christmas. Mostly because I tend to picture snow when there isn’t in my area.

63. With cone shells, you can create a 6-pointed star.

Well, it certainly resembles one. But the shells really blend into the background, don't you think?

Well, it certainly resembles one. But the shells really blend into the background, don’t you think?

64. This shell bird is simply irresistible.

Like how they used part of a shell for its beak. So cute.

Like how they used part of a shell for its beak. So cute. Said to be a pelican.

65. This seashell wreath has all the starfish you can ask for.

Well, it's a lighter shell wreath with some unconventional seashells. But it's nevertheless unique.

Well, it’s a lighter shell wreath with some unconventional seashells. But it’s nevertheless unique.

66. Seems like this doll is all shelled out.

Her dress is made from purple mussels. Not sure about the bonnet. But even her hair is made from seashells.

Her dress is made from purple mussels. Not sure about the bonnet. But even her hair is made from seashells.

67. Gold and silver shells this mirror surely make.

Made possible by the magic of spray paint. Seems like something you'd find at an ocean resort.

Made possible by the magic of spray paint. Seems like something you’d find at an ocean resort.

68. This shell cross is decked with yellow flowers.

I mean a shell yellow flower, anyway. Sure it's rather simple but elegant, too.

I mean a shell yellow flower, anyway. Sure it’s rather simple but elegant, too.

69. Hope this shell clock can help you tell the time.

Yes, it's another seashell clock. But this one is pink and in mosaic form.

Yes, it’s another seashell clock. But this one is pink and in mosaic form.

70. These Christmas shell trees will bring good cheer over the holidays.

Yes, I know another seashell Christmas tree. But this one is quite fancy as you can see.

Yes, I know another seashell Christmas tree. But this one is quite fancy as you can see.

71. Large scallops always make a great shell wreath.

This one has the swirly shells with the scallops and starfish. Quite delicate but nonetheless lovely.

This one has the swirly shells with the scallops and starfish. Quite delicate but nonetheless lovely.

72. Perhaps you might want to drop off your conch and stay awhile.

Well, it's a bucket full of shells as you can see. I'm sure this is only used for decoration.

Well, it’s a bucket full of shells as you can see. I’m sure this is only used for decoration.

73. These seashell candles seem to come alight at once.

I think these are lit with a wick. The seashells are in a glass jars. Not sure if I call that fire safe though.

I think these are lit with a wick. The seashells are in a glass jars. Not sure if I call that fire safe though.

74. With shiny shells, you can make a mirror resemble a snowflake.

Maybe not. But this certainly uses a lot of shells with the shiny side up.

Maybe not. But this certainly uses a lot of shells with the shiny side up.

75. You’ll be tickled pink by these seashell flowers.

Yes, these are pink shell flowers. Certainly look pretty and almost real, don't they?

Yes, these are pink shell flowers. Certainly look pretty and almost real, don’t they?

76. Seashells are always great for an under the sea wreath.

This one even has some seaweed and a seahorse. Almost makes you think you're in the ocean.

This one even has some seaweed and a seahorse. Almost makes you think you’re in the ocean.

77. You can stand up your shells in almost anything.

You can uses bottles and candle sticks for these. Depends on the seashell in question.

You can uses bottles and candle sticks for these. Depends on the seashell in question.

78. Shiny shells make shiny mirror frames.

Made possible by the magic of spray paint as far as I'm concerned. Still, love how it sparkles.

Made possible by the magic of spray paint as far as I’m concerned.
Still, love how it sparkles.

79. Nautilus shells make great corners in this mirror frame.

Of course, a nautilus is a marine creature with a snail shell and tentacles. Their shells are quite large as you can see.

Of course, a nautilus is a marine creature with a snail shell and tentacles. Their shells are quite large as you can see.

80. A shell arrangement like this will surely melt your heart.

After all, it's in a heart configuration. Includes flowers, starfish, and coral. Lovely.

After all, it’s in a heart configuration. Includes flowers, starfish, and coral. Lovely.

81. This mussel mirror is all decked in purple splendor.

Well, this must use a lot of mussels if you ask me. Love the black and purple color on this though.

Well, this must use a lot of mussels if you ask me. Love the black and purple color on this though.

82. Shells always make great decor for this chair planter.

Yes. these chair planters do exist as you can see in one of my garden posts. But the shells make it all the more fancy.

Yes. these chair planters do exist as you can see in one of my garden posts. But the shells make it all the more fancy.

83. A decorated shell box must always have legs to stand on.

And this one certainly does. Also has some starfish decoration to boot.

And this one certainly does. Also has some starfish decoration to boot.

84. You can always adorn yourself with some small conch earrings.

Yes, seashells can be that small. I mean mollusks come in all shapes and sizes. Do the math.

Yes, seashells can be that small. I mean mollusks come in all shapes and sizes. Do the math.

85. This seashell shelf is perfect for any seaside home.

Yes, this another seashell shelf. But this one includes actual shells as decoration.

Yes, this another seashell shelf. But this one includes actual shells as decoration.

86. With nets and shells, this sea wreath is good to go.

Well, I have to admire the artistic detail on this one. Love how they make it seem like it's coming from a boat.

Well, I have to admire the artistic detail on this one. Love how they make it seem like it’s coming from a boat.

87. This shell lamp shade is always illuminating.

Well, this really has a unique glow to it. Love this. Wouldn't mind owning this one.

Well, this really has a unique glow to it. Love this. Wouldn’t mind owning this one.

88. This shell queen surely looks like a goddess.

She can almost be a sea nymph herself with how she dresses. Love the outfit.

She can almost be a sea nymph herself with how she dresses. Love the outfit.

89. A beach side home always needs a seashell mailbox.

Doesn't hurt if it includes a dolphin either. Now this looks quite seaside, doesn't it?

Doesn’t hurt if it includes a dolphin either. Now this looks quite seaside, doesn’t it?

90. A seashell bouquet can always use some color.

Indeed seashell bouquets like this one may look pretty. But you wouldn't want to toss them at a wedding.

Indeed seashell bouquets like this one may look pretty. But you wouldn’t want to toss them at a wedding.

91. You can always wear small seashells in your hair.

As long as they are small enough to stick to bobby pins. Still, wouldn't mind having these.

As long as they are small enough to stick to bobby pins. Still, wouldn’t mind having these.

92. There’s nothing more resplendent than a seashell mirror like this.

Yes, I've put a lot of these on this post. But this one really takes the cake with the large whorled shells. Lovely.

Yes, I’ve put a lot of these on this post. But this one really takes the cake with the large whorled shells. Lovely.

93. Bet you’ve never seen a scallop wreath like this one before.

I know this isn't the first scallop wreath on this post. But I assure you that this one is in a different style as you can see.

I know this isn’t the first scallop wreath on this post. But I assure you that this one is in a different style as you can see.

94. These seashell candle sticks are great for any romantic evening on the beach.

Make sure you're away from the tide and it's not windy. Because it won't turn out well.

Make sure you’re away from the tide and it’s not windy. Because it won’t turn out well.

95. A shell bouquet always looks colorful in a scallop.

And it surely looks like a real bouquet to me. Yes, these flowers are made from shells.

And it surely looks like a real bouquet to me. Yes, these flowers are made from shells.

96. Pretty shell flowers always make a pretty picture.

Doesn't hurt if includes a lot of purple, too. Man, this is so beautiful. Lovely.

Doesn’t hurt if includes a lot of purple, too. Man, this is so beautiful. Lovely.

97. With this purple shell mosaic, the white flower is in the center.

Well, it's a wonderful arrangement in purple and white. Yet, I'm not sure how much of it has paint on it.

Well, it’s a wonderful arrangement in purple and white. Yet, I’m not sure how much of it has paint on it.

98. Try planting your flowers in this fancy shell pot.

Yes, this pot is decorated with fine white shells. Still, you can't help but love this one.

Yes, this pot is decorated with fine white shells. Still, you can’t help but love this one.

99. This doll is simply sensational in her seashell dress.

Not sure if there's one available in people size. But you have to admire the detail.

Not sure if there’s one available in people size. But you have to admire the detail.

100. Bet you never saw a seaside chess table like this before.

Even if it's not a chess table, it's still pretty amazing. Love the decor on this.

Even if it’s not a chess table, it’s still pretty amazing. Love the decor on this.

The Transparent World of Glass

glass

You may remember when I did my post on stained glass this summer. Yet, I’ve thought about doing a post on glass for a while since I’ve often come across glass related craft projects for my blog. Anyway, glass is basically everywhere in our modern society that we tend to take it for granted since it’s now designated as a recyclable material. But this wasn’t always the case before the Industrial Revolution when glass was so expensive that colonists who traveled to the New World would often take their windows with them on the boat. Today, not only is glass just as prevalent as plastic as well as used in a wide variety of things we take for granted, there are also many different types. The oldest and most familiar types of glass to us are silicate glasses which are mainly derived from silica a main constituent in sand. You have soda lime glass that’s often used in glass bottles and other containers as well as the more durable quartz glass. You may also be familiar with the modern fiberglass which has only been mass produced since the 1930s as well as has so many applications. We can go on. Not mention, before coal and steel, my area of Southwestern Pennsylvania was distinguished on its glass making as well which explains why such towns like Glassport exist.  And even when the area became known for its steel and coal industry, its glass industry still lived on well into the 20th century, some even to today with 20 currently operating in the region. One of the earliest is the New Geneva Glass Works that was active from 1797-1847 which had Albert Gallatin as an early investor. Bakewell Glass in Pittsburgh founded in 1808 was known as a pioneer in flint glass in America as well as had a family member invent and patent the first known process of pressed glass in 1825 which made the mass production of glass possible for the first time.  F.&J. Mckee Company on Pittsburgh’s South Side founded in 1850 would be associated with Western PA glass for years. The Duncan & Miller Glass Company existed in Washington, PA which spanned from the late 1860s to the 1950s which is distinguished by fine craftsmanship. The Macbeth Evans Glass Company founded and based in Charleroi in 1899 was known for its glassware with beautiful designs, especially in the 1930s. Then there’s PPG Industries started as a pane glass company in the 1880s and was among the first in the world to power its furnaces with local natural gas which stipulated widespread industrial use. In fact, the words PPG stand for “Pittsburgh Plate Glass.” Not to mention, it’s possible that their glass was used as windows in plenty of early skyscrapers. Today PPG is still around as a multi-billion dollar Fortune 500 company that’s diversified to include paints, coatings, specialty materials, chemicals, and even fiberglass, is still headquartered in Pittsburgh at the iconic PPG Place that resembles a cool evil fortress, has 150 manufacturing locations around the world, and they recently received the naming rights from Consol Energy on what’s now the PPG Paints Arena. Also, they still make glass but not just in windows. Anyway, you’ll find a lot of glass crafts on Pinterest since the material is often used in disposable items and other products. Which is where I come in for your reading pleasure.

  1. This glass cup reflects many different colors.
No, this isn't a hallucination. The cup is designed this way with all the colorful bubbles. Not sure if it's an improvement.

No, this isn’t a hallucination. The cup is designed this way with all the colorful bubbles. Not sure if it’s an improvement.

2. Welcome guests aboard your yacht with these glasses.

Okay, these may just be for decoration. But they're certainly sea worthy to some.

Okay, these may just be for decoration. But they’re certainly sea worthy to some.

3. Watch out for this glass dragon eye.

Well, at least it'll make guests think twice about stealing your drink. Then again, better used for decoration.

Well, at least it’ll make guests think twice about stealing your drink. Then again, better used for decoration.

4. An old wine bottle is great for holding flowers.

Works so long as you keep the cork in place. Yet, not sure if it enhances the beauty of any wall you hang them on.

Works so long as you keep the cork in place. Yet, not sure if it enhances the beauty of any wall you hang them on.

5. Imagine a bowl like this on your mantle.

Kind of reminds me of a nebula. Love the colors here. Beautiful.

Kind of reminds me of a nebula. Love the colors here. Beautiful.

6. Perhaps this glass bottle would do with a flowery design.

Well, you have to admire the artwork here. Love that pretty pink flower on green.

Well, you have to admire the artwork here. Love that pretty pink flower on green.

7. A decorated wine bottle can make a great vase for flowers.

Okay, the flowers are fake and the bottle is covered in cloth. But it might look great on a mantle or table.

Okay, the flowers are fake and the bottle is covered in cloth. But it might look great on a mantle or table.

8. This bottle seems to have all the stars on its exterior.

Not sure if it's supposed to be the cosmos or outer space. But it sure twinkles if you ask me.

Not sure if it’s supposed to be the cosmos or outer space. But it sure twinkles if you ask me.

9. Perhaps these wine glass candle holders remind you of the seashore.

Each of them even have blue sand and shells in them. Also, the string gives a beach like touch.

Each of them even have blue sand and shells in them. Also, the string gives a beach like touch.

10. How about a bottle with a beaded mosaic?

Helps that it's in a floral design. Love how the gold ones stand out.

Helps that it’s in a floral design. Love how the gold ones stand out.

11. How about a wine bottle of beads and sequins?

Now that looks kind of funky. Love the flowers and the purple stopper.

Now that looks kind of funky. Love the flowers and the purple stopper.

12. This mason jar chandelier is perfect for any dining room.

Well, depends on the kind of lighting you use. And I don't think this one uses electricity.

Well, depends on the kind of lighting you use. And I don’t think this one uses electricity.

13. Raise a glass with these butterfly champagne flutes.

Well, these gold butterflies certainly look pretty. Not sure if I'd want to drink from them though.

Well, these gold butterflies certainly look pretty. Not sure if I’d want to drink from them though.

14. Heard about a row of bottles? How about a whole fence of them?

Nice to see a fence with so many different colors that the sun can reflect from. Still, decorative use only.

Nice to see a fence with so many different colors that the sun can reflect from. Still, decorative use only.

15. No lawn can be complete without a glass bottle peacock.

Well, isn't that as pretty as a peacock. Of course, some may not have a thing for green bottles as feathers.

Well, isn’t that as pretty as a peacock. Of course, some may not have a thing for green bottles as feathers.

16. This bar set certainly sets everything fancy doesn’t it?

Since everything here is certainly decked in lace. Manly Christmas present, it is not.

Since everything here is certainly decked in lace. Manly Christmas present, it is not.

17. It’s only fitting that these wine bottles are decked with grapes.

After all, wine comes from grapes. So it's only fair. Love how they used glass pieces for each of them.

After all, wine comes from grapes. So it’s only fair. Love how they used glass pieces for each of them.

18. These stained glass bottles can light up a room.

Doesn't hurt they're in psychedelic colors either. Love these.

Doesn’t hurt they’re in psychedelic colors either. Love these.

19. These animal wine glass candle holders are great for down on the farm.

Includes cow, horse, pig, rooster, sheep, and chicken. Yes, they look childish but you can't hate them.

Includes cow, horse, pig, rooster, sheep, and chicken. Yes, they look childish but you can’t hate them.

20. A stained glass bottle should also match the glasses.

Seems like the kind of fine dining set you'll see at a modern art museum. Nice that the glasses match.

Seems like the kind of fine dining set you’ll see at a modern art museum. Nice that the glasses match.

21. A purple bottle works nice with gold trimmings.

This one has lovely flowers and a dragon fly. Love the decor. Beautiful.

This one has lovely flowers and a dragon fly. Love the decor. Beautiful.

22. These bottles come with a unique feminine face.

Well, these have paintings of beautiful women like they're works of art. Love the trimmings on these.

Well, these have paintings of beautiful women like they’re works of art. Love the trimmings on these.

23. A mosaic bottle is just as nice.

Yes, they have mosaic bottles like these, too. Love the design on this one.

Yes, they have mosaic bottles like these, too. Love the design on this one.

24. This rainbow night light should chase your nightmares away.

Well, it will surely light up any room with color. Would like to see this on.

Well, it will surely light up any room with color. Would like to see this on.

25. This mosaic bottle has a classy look to it.

I especially love the purple on this perfume bottle. The pearls are a nice touch, too.

I especially love the purple on this perfume bottle. The pearls are a nice touch, too.

26. By fusing some glassware, you can make an ideal platter.

Of course, it might take a blow torch to do the trick. But you can see what I mean.

Of course, it might take a blow torch to do the trick. But you can see what I mean.

27. Got old beer bottles? Make candle holders out of them.

You have to wonder whether these are for some man cave or something. But I love how they used the tops as stands.

You have to wonder whether these are for some man cave or something. But I love how they used the tops as stands.

28. May I present you with a glass of the beach.

Well, it certainly has a nice seaside view. Love the sun over the waves.

Well, it certainly has a nice seaside view. Love the sun over the waves.

29. With this bottle, you can see an eerie night sky.

Wonder if it contains any witch's brew. Covered in a polymer clay. Like the moon.

Wonder if it contains any witch’s brew. Covered in a polymer clay. Like the moon.

30. How about decorate your room with some colorful mason jars?

These come in 3 colors and have gold foil on them. What's more to love?

These come in 3 colors and have gold foil on them. What’s more to love?

31. No one should ever do without a colorful glass bowl like this.

Sure it seems like a decorated fish bowl. But you have to love how it's painted.

Sure it seems like a decorated fish bowl. But you have to love how it’s painted.

32. This bottle comes with all the unique trimmings.

Love the pearls and flower on this. Wouldn't mind having this as a decoration.

Love the pearls and flower on this. Wouldn’t mind having this as a decoration.

33. With a pine cone this bottle carries a rustic look.

Well, a fall look, anyway when everything seems dead. Just like how I felt when Trump won the election.

Well, a fall look, anyway when everything seems dead. Just like how I felt when Trump won the election.

34. Now these give beer glasses a whole new meaning.

Well, these beer glasses are made from beer bottles. So feel free to put a Bud Light in a Rolling Rock one.

Well, these beer glasses are made from beer bottles. So feel free to put a Bud Light in a Rolling Rock one.

35. For a more colorful celebration, these butterfly flutes hit the spot.

Yes, they're more fancy than the other ones. But I think they're just as nice. Lovely.

Yes, they’re more fancy than the other ones. But I think they’re just as nice. Lovely.

36. I guess you’ve never seen a chandelier like this one.

Yep, this one consists of beer bottles. I know it's tacky but there are guys who will want this for their man cave.

Yep, this one consists of beer bottles. I know it’s tacky but there are guys who will want this for their man cave.

37. In this bowl, a blue butterfly is as vibrant as ever.

I'll say. Love how it shines in the sunlight. Stunning beyond compare.

I’ll say. Love how it shines in the sunlight. Stunning beyond compare.

38. This glass block light comes with a few homey touches.

This one depicts a birdhouse with flowers. Like how it's beautifully painted.

This one depicts a birdhouse with flowers. Like how it’s beautifully painted.

39. For a vintage evening, this grape glass block light is for you.

This one has pink and purple together. Hope it gives a warm glow.

This one has pink and purple together. Hope it gives a warm glow.

40. You’ve put flowers in a vase. How about flowers on a vase?

Of course, vase is a word that can be pronounced 2 different ways. The short "a" way doesn't seem correct to me though.

Of course, vase is a word that can be pronounced 2 different ways. The short “a” way doesn’t seem correct to me though.

41. Watch the little birdie on this vase.

Love how it sits among the purple flowers. So pretty to behold. So well painted.

Love how it sits among the purple flowers. So pretty to behold. So well painted.

42. This windmill bottle really brings a rustic touch to any room.

This is quite clever if you ask me. Love how it has a little door and window. Wonder if it actually turns.

This is quite clever if you ask me. Love how it has a little door and window. Wonder if it actually turns.

43. This bottle lamp is especially illuminating.

Like how it consists of strips of all different colors. Wouldn't mind having this one.

Like how it consists of strips of all different colors. Wouldn’t mind having this one.

44. There’s something underwater going on with these wine glasses.

These have an underwater scene to them. The glass handles are even wavy as well.

These have an underwater scene to them. The glass handles are even wavy as well.

45. Never thought bottles could shine like these.

These are glass bottles that are painted and have clay on them to seem like they're metal. Love the artistic touch.

These are glass bottles that are painted and have clay on them to seem like they’re metal. Love the artistic touch.

46. Take a peek at these glass feathers on a tray.

They're all in different colors like they're all from different birds. But they sit on the same log.

They’re all in different colors like they’re all from different birds. But they sit on the same log.

47. Hope you love the roses on this bottle.

Yes, these roses are very well painted that you'd think they're a work of art. Love it.

Yes, these roses are very well painted that you’d think they’re a work of art. Love it.

48. A perfume bottle must always be well decorated.

This one has flowers and gold mesh on it. Love the flowers.

This one has flowers and gold mesh on it. Love the flowers.

49. Bet you’ve never saw a fishbowl like this before.

Then again, you don't have to do much with it since it's just decoration. Think this is pretty clever.

Then again, you don’t have to do much with it since it’s just decoration. Think this is pretty clever.

50. This wine glass candle holder has a rather beachy touch to it.

Like how it has some shells and sand. Makes it almost feel like you were there.

Like how it has some shells and sand. Makes it almost feel like you were there.

51. These 4 bottle lights can surely dazzle a room.

Like how some of these have terms like "evil" or "bitch." Must be used for parties.

Like how some of these have terms like “evil” or “bitch.” Must be used for parties.

52. How about a bottle lamp with palm trees?

Apparently, there are a lot of glass items with beach stuff on it. Not so sure why that is.

Apparently, there are a lot of glass items with beach stuff on it. Not so sure why that is.

53. You know about stained glass windows. How about stained glass jars?

Well, these are quite unique. Love how these have flowers on them. Beautiful.

Well, these are quite unique. Love how these have flowers on them. Beautiful.

54. Here’s a nice bouquet of flowery glass plates.

Yes, these are glass plates made into flowers. Don't ask me how it's possible. But I really love this one.

Yes, these are glass plates made into flowers. Don’t ask me how it’s possible. But I really love this one.

55. I’m sure someone is bound to enjoy these flowery wine glasses.

Each of these are delicately painted with floral scenes. Better suited for decoration though.

Each of these are delicately painted with floral scenes. Better suited for decoration though.

56. Hope an ornate bottle like this suits your fancy.

This is covered with clay in intricate designs. Still, this is a very beautiful design.

This is covered with clay in intricate designs. Still, this is a very beautiful design.

57. These glass coasters are great with pressed pansies.

Actually you can make glass coasters with any flower. It's just these are with pansies.

Actually you can make glass coasters with any flower. It’s just these are with pansies.

58. These glass bottles would make handy candle holders for a romantic evening.

These also seem to come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors. Not sure where I'd find ones like these.

These also seem to come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors. Not sure where I’d find ones like these.

59. These Disney Princess wine glass candle holders will make you feel royally welcome.

Each one is turned upside down as a dress. Ariel's is just right side up since she's a mermaid.

Each one is turned upside down as a dress. Ariel’s is just right side up since she’s a mermaid.

60. You can make glasses with some old jars.

Interesting glasses though not ideal for a dinner party. Still, these are pretty creative.

Interesting glasses though not ideal for a dinner party. Still, these are pretty creative.

61. These glass bottles seemed all starfished out.

I think these might be used for wedding centerpieces. Particularly if one takes place on a beach.

I think these might be used for wedding centerpieces. Particularly if one takes place on a beach.

62. This frosted bottle with a snowflake contains winter magic.

Well, it's not fancy enough for a Christmas decoration. But I do think it's so ornate that I couldn't pass it up.

Well, it’s not fancy enough for a Christmas decoration. But I do think it’s so ornate that I couldn’t pass it up.

63. A rainbow chandelier is certainly dazzling on the ceiling.

This one consists of test tubes filled with different colors around it. I think it's quite stunning to say the least.

This one consists of test tubes filled with different colors around it. I think it’s quite stunning to say the least.

64. These royal blue glasses are great for any festive occasion.

I think these are also wedding glasses with some royal blue stain. Like the moon and the peacock.

I think these are also wedding glasses with some royal blue stain. Like the moon and the peacock.

65. These bottles have a stellar silver touch.

These are glass bottles with silver spray paint on them. Almost look like they're metal, don't they?

These are glass bottles with silver spray paint on them. Almost look like they’re metal, don’t they?

66. Glitter wine glasses or glitter shot glasses?

Well, they sure look sparkly if you ask me. Love these. So pretty.

Well, they sure look sparkly if you ask me. Love these. So pretty.

67. This bottle lamp seems fresh as a daisy.

Well, it has a daisy painted on it which I think is a work of art. The ribbon is a perfect match.

Well, it has a daisy painted on it which I think is a work of art. The ribbon is a perfect match.

68. This glass bottle is now a clay castle.

Love this fairy castle. Like how it has pearls near the roof. Stunning.

Love this fairy castle. Like how it has pearls near the roof. Stunning.

69. This perfume bottle has a rather flowery disposition.

This looks very colorful with flowers and foliage galore. It's made by an artist. Lovely.

This looks very colorful with flowers and foliage galore. It’s made by an artist. Lovely.

70. This perfume bottle features a stunning decor of roses, gold, and pearls.

Yes, this is a very fancy bottle. Love the decor on this. Beautiful.

Yes, this is a very fancy bottle. Love the decor on this. Beautiful.

71. There’s nothing more elegant than these flowery purple champagne flutes.

I'd so totally want these for my wedding for obvious reasons. Those flowers are lovely.

I’d so totally want these for my wedding for obvious reasons. Those flowers are lovely.

72. A mosaic bottle is always stunning in purple.

Love how this one has purple glass tiles on this bottle. Love the bejeweled stones, too.

Love how this one has purple glass tiles on this bottle. Love the bejeweled stones, too.

73. This mosaic perfume bottle is decked in blue and gold.

Well, it's in gold and shades of blue. But it's nonetheless fit for any mantle as a decoration.

Well, it’s in gold and shades of blue. But it’s nonetheless fit for any mantle as a decoration.

74. These painted vases can always bring you flowery joy.

Well, they're not like the other flowery vases I previously showed. But they're surely finely painted.

Well, they’re not like the other flowery vases I previously showed. But they’re surely finely painted.

75. I bet you’ve never seen glass bottles like these before.

Well, these seem to be bottles you might find in some old apothecary cabinet in Harry Potter. But they're nevertheless lovely.

Well, these seem to be bottles you might find in some old apothecary cabinet in Harry Potter. But they’re nevertheless lovely.

76. Perhaps you can use these colorful candlesticks.

I'm not sure how they obtain the color of these. I know there's a process. But I'm not sure how it works.

I’m not sure how they obtain the color of these. I know there’s a process. But I’m not sure how it works.

77. This mirror bottle is quite reflective if you ask me.

Well, it's a lovely mosaic bottle with mirror bits. Bet it'll look great on a mantle. Love it.

Well, it’s a lovely mosaic bottle with mirror bits. Bet it’ll look great on a mantle. Love it.

78. These wedding glasses are fit for any bride and groom on their special day.

They're sure to bring a great reception if you ask me. Love these.

They’re sure to bring a great reception if you ask me. Love these.

79. A mosaic bottle is always enhanced with strings of pearls.

The tiles and stones aren't that shabby either. Still, this is very lovely if you ask me.

The tiles and stones aren’t that shabby either. Still, this is very lovely.

80. This chandelier of jars will brighten any dark room from the ceiling.

Yes, it's another jar chandelier. But this one is in a different configuration than the one I saw earlier.

Yes, it’s another jar chandelier. But this one is in a different configuration than the one I saw earlier.

81. A wine glass should always have what wine is made from.

This one has 3 kinds of grapes that are in 3 different colors. I'm sure a wino will love this.

This one has 3 kinds of grapes that are in 3 different colors. I’m sure a wino will love this.

82. This flowery bottle will surely catch one’s eye.

These flowers seem to be hand painted like they're from a porcelain plate. Lovely.

These flowers seem to be hand painted like they’re from a porcelain plate. Lovely.

83. A genie bottle always dazzles with glass tiles.

Sure you won't find any genie here. But it'll be a nice addition to any living room decor.

Sure you won’t find any genie here. But it’ll be a nice addition to any living room decor.

84. Each of these bottles has a spectacular painted design you can’t miss.

Yes, these are eye catching patterns. Some of these might make your eyes sore. Or make you think you're tripping.

Yes, these are eye catching patterns. Some of these might make your eyes sore. Or make you think you’re tripping.

85. Shells always seem to make great bottle stoppers.

Yes, this is a beach bottle assortment to remind you of the ocean. Love the shells on these.

Yes, this is a beach bottle assortment to remind you of the ocean. Love the shells on these.

86. You have to admire the handles on these fancy bottles.

Well, these are sure fancy. I know there's a process to create of the fixtures, but I can't really explain it at the moment.

Well, these are sure fancy. I know there’s a process to create of the fixtures, but I can’t really explain it at the moment.

87. Pink candle holders must always have pink painted flowers.

Helps that they're made from pink glass. But not sure if they'll go with anything for Valentine's Day.

Helps that they’re made from pink glass. But not sure if they’ll go with anything for Valentine’s Day.

88. With wine bottles you can create a string of lights.

Think about combining empty wine bottles with Christmas lights. Might make neighbors wonder about your drinking in the meantime.

Think about combining empty wine bottles with Christmas lights. Might make neighbors wonder about your drinking in the meantime.

89. Even a small blue bottle can be quite fancy.

Sure it doesn't look like much. But you have to love the gold leaf on this. So stunning.

Sure it doesn’t look like much. But you have to love the gold leaf on this. So stunning.

90. A bottle chandelier can illuminate all different colors.

Yes, they sure light up all right. They can also shine in the sunlight during the daytime, too.

Yes, they sure light up all right. They can also shine in the sunlight during the daytime, too.

91. You have to be mad not to adore these champagne flutes in pearls.

Sure the pearls are fake since they cover the glasses. But they're nevertheless stunning to behold.

Sure the pearls are fake since they cover the glasses. But they’re nevertheless stunning to behold.

92. This jar full of buttons is a great base for a lamp.

Well, an electric lamp shaped like an oil one. Still, the buttons make it more festive and quaint.

Well, an electric lamp shaped like an oil one. Still, the buttons make it more festive and quaint.

93. A bottle like this always has to be draped in gold.

Well, it's certainly decorated like an overdressed bottle of champagne. According to Pinterest, it's said to light up.

Well, it’s certainly decorated like an overdressed bottle of champagne. According to Pinterest, it’s said to light up.

94. Mason jars can always contain a candle flame on a chandelier.

Then again, these candles may be electronic. But I think this is quaint just the same.

Then again, these candles may be electronic. But I think this is quaint just the same.

95. Thought you’d never see a stained glass bottle lamp like this before.

I think this is made with sea glass which looks quite different from the regular kind. At any rate, love how the light shows through it.

I think this is made with sea glass which looks quite different from the regular kind. At any rate, love how the light shows through it.

96. A lovely wine bottle must always be painted with gold trim.

This is a rather fancy design. Love the detail on this. Couldn't see myself doing this design.

This is a rather fancy design. Love the detail on this. Couldn’t see myself doing this design.

97. A flat bottle makes a wonderful flowery tableau.

This is a beautiful design that's beyond compare. Love the detail on this. Stunning.

This is a beautiful design that’s beyond compare. Love the detail on this. Stunning.

98. Shiny bottle vases always make ideal centerpieces.

This one has a black shiny exterior with white markings and branches. All in all, these are lovely to behold.

This one has a black shiny exterior with white markings and branches. All in all, these are lovely to behold.

99. A bottle like this is always covered in vines.

Yes, it's looks a bit flowery and viney if you ask me. But I think this is quite cool. Love it.

Yes, it’s looks a bit flowery and viney if you ask me. But I think this is quite cool. Love it.

100. Sometimes a fancy bottle always has to come with a fancy glass.

As you can see here, the bottle and glass each are uniquely decorated in the same pattern. Still, I think these are lovely in their own way.

As you can see here, the bottle and glass each are uniquely decorated in the same pattern. Still, I think these are lovely in their own way.