Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours on Christmas Memories (Fourth Edition)

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These are my grandparents from last year. Since my grandfather died a few weeks after that, this year will be my first Christmas without him. Though at least he had the courtesy to not die during the holidays. Yet, that didn’t do me much good since he died the week of my birthday.

Indeed, since Christmas is about family, we all have precious memories about opening presents and spending time with the ones we love. Unless, you’re spending the holidays in French castle during the 12th century. In that case, your parents are Henry II and Eleanor of Acquitaine and let’s just say you’re better off taking a tip from their daughters and spending Christmas with the in-laws. Then again, medieval royal families can be massively dysfunctional. Still, every family has their ups and downs. And it’s no exception on Christmas since there are moments that don’t go the way we plan. But sometimes these terrible times can result into hilarious photos we’ll all laugh at in hindsight. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of awkward moments from Christmas past.

  1. Seems like someone’s Christmas has gotten quite a bit grouchy.

Actually this family took a weird looking tree and turned it into an Oscar the Grouch Christmas tree. Yes, it’s a rather trashy yuletide touch.

2. There are some people who don’t care for surprises.

You can see that someone doesn’t like using wrapping paper on presents. But seems obligated anyway.

3. For unto us a kitten is born.

I’m sorry but using your cats in your nativity themed Christmas card will only result in fits of laughter. This is especially if a cat plays baby Jesus and an angel.

4. Apparently, cat crazies aren’t just limited to one gender.

This guy has 3 cats and a bunny rabbit. And he even sports a mullet. I’m sure there’s a reason why he hadn’t snatched a crazy cat lady by now.

5. Evidently, milk and cookies just won’t do for Santa this time around.

And here’s a young girl pouring some Stella Artois along with some nachos and salsa. Not sure if it does Santa any favors.

6. Sometimes you have to bare all to be the reindeer.

As this chubby baby has done for a Christmas card. Then the parents just add antlers.

7. It’s always the smallest among us who sense the danger.

Yes, that Santa Claus has the face of a serial killer. But only the youngest knows he’s out for blood. Run for your lives, kids!

8. This Christmas, everyone’s got the face of a dog.

Because the dog’s picture is photoshopped on the family members. And they’re all on a dolphin in a waterfall background. Seems like Cousin Phil has been on the brown acid again.

9. A tea party with your stuffed animals is precious, if you’re a child.

If you’re an adult, it just makes you look pretty pathetic. This is especially if you use such an image for your Christmas card.

10. You should always remember to keep a close eye on your children.

I’m sure photoshop had something to do with this picture. Because no parent in hell would let their kids climb up a roof, especially at their age.

11. I’m sure these kids will definitely be on Santa’s naughty list this year.

Yes, these kids have gone down a very bad road. Still, you have to wonder whether someone called child services on their parents.

12. There’s always someone who’ll receive a better present than you.

Little baby gets plush Dalmatian to snuggle. Big sister gets socks which she hates.

14. Christmas is always a time for joy.

Unfortunately, this little girl just doesn’t have it for the Christmas card. Yes, I know the holidays can be really stressful.

15. Since Laura wasn’t in our family portrait, we decided to make due.

So they stuck a photo of her face and drew in her body. I know it doesn’t really cut it.

16. “C’mon, kids, let’s look at the camera. Oh, forget it.”

Yeah, none of the little kids seem willing to cooperate. Note the kid in the front secretly envies them.

17. “Stop, in the name of the law, Santa!”

Talk about a picture that would trauamatize a child for life. Still, this is pretty hilarious even if it’s kind of inappropriate.

18. Apparently, someone didn’t think posing with Santa in pajamas was a great idea.

Timmy had a very bad feeling about this. Now he just wants to go home.

19. Sometimes there’s always someone who’s just had enough.

Yes, that little one just needs to let it all out. But the family doesn’t seem to mind one bit.

20. “All right, kids, smile for the camera.”

Evidently, these children are incredibly cranky. Seems like, “please don’t make us sit for another stupid picture.”

21. You’re never too young to be embarrassed by your parents.

The little baby isn’t having it. Still, the mom’s got huge glasses that make her resemble a cartoon character.

22. When you can’t use a Christmas tree, you can always improvise.

Though wrapping your dad in streamers and bows hardly compensates. Wonder when he’ll get lose.

23. “Hope you’re not wearing that shirt to Grandma’s, Jerry.”

Yeah, you don’t want to wear a stoner shirt to any family gatherings. Still, it’s pretty hilarious.

24. When wearing an ugly sweater, always make sure it’s appropriate for your audience.

I’m sorry, but 3 reindeer humping each other is not PG. Seriously, he just go change like now.

25. Seems like the men forgot to wear pants.

Not sure which is worse. Is it the dad in boxers or the son in long johns? Can’t decide.

26. Christmas should always be a time of good cheer.

But for parents it’s a time of stress and messes galore. Yes, these two are incredibly tired and want to relax.

27. “Here, Travis, hold the baby for awhile, will you?”

The boy’s basically like, “Oh, please, don’t make me hold the crying baby! I’ll be good.”

28. Just don’t mind the angry woman in the window.

Not sure leaving the kids with Santa is a good idea. Not when there’s a scary lady outside.

29. Sometimes Christmas is not a great time of year to be single.

Yes, she has socks and shoes on her hands. And yes, it’s pretty lame.

30. Remember to place the baby facing the camera during the photoshoot.

Still, I think the kid just fell into the rug. Almost resembles a stunt you see in cartoons.

31. “Shitter’s full.”

I think the guy works in sewage. So it’s rather spot on with the Cousin Eddie get up.

32. “Here, Zack, hold your little brother for the camera.”

Yeah, nobody wants to hold a crying baby. This boy seems especially nervous.

33. “Say your prayers, Mom and Dad.”

These kiddies so aren’t getting presents for Santa. I mean they’ve taken their parents hostages for God’s sake.

34. How do you like Dad’s new suit?

Here he’s all proud of himself in his suit of Christmas lights. A tacky showcase as I ever did see.

35. “Sorry that their dad’s not in the picture, but I used a cutout of the celebrity he most resembles.”

Yes, that’s a cut out of Eddie Murphy. I suppose this picture was taken when he was still relevant.

36. Children always show signs of demon possession at a young age.

Sure he may be harmless now. But soon the babysitters will start to disappear or die in dramatic ways. You’ve been warned.

37. Hope these kids have excellent balance.

This should always bee in the Don’t Try This at Home category. Unless you use photoshop, of course.

38. When kids go punk, they don’t go back.

Yes, teenagers really dressed like that back in the day. But his parents accept him anyway. Or at least have gotten used to it.

39. Here we have Santa with his elves, or a bunch of people dressed as Peter Pan.

Sure dressing as Santa’s elves might seem like a good idea. But when you have cone hats, Peter Pan shirts, and candy canes, it’s time to reconsider.

40. It’s normal for kids to want to imitate their parents.

Just because the parents might kiss, doesn’t mean the kids have to follow. But here you are.

41. Parents always want siblings to pose together.

The girl’s like, “Why do you want me to be the Christmas tree?” Boy’s like, “At last, sweet revenge.”

42. Sometimes children don’t want anything to do with the Christmas card photo.

And it seems the younger kids don’t want to be good boys and smile. The youngest isn’t even looking at the camera.

43. Apparently, Imperial Stormtroopers send Christmas cards to their families.

Odd, since I didn’t know Stormtroopers had dogs either. Still, I’m sure this guy can find anyone at a Star Wars convention if he wanted to.

44. Bridget wishes everyone happy holidays.

And yes, it’s just Bridget drinking her sorrows away. Someone has to find a guy for her.

45. I guess these 3 usually don’t speak to each other during the holidays.

Bet the holidays isn’t fun around this bunch. Save for the dog who can at least get love somewhere.

46. Sometimes a Santa’s work is never done.

Seems like this Santa’s just waiting for the family to sort things out or leave. Because he has a lot of kids to see.

47. Now let’s play spot the stepchild.

“Yes, it’s the one sitting on a stool while the dad plays with the other kids. I’m sure being the stepkid isn’t fun on Christmas.

48. Christmas is always a time of family togetherness.

And yes, the family just can’t get their shit together for a photo op. Even the dogs are at each other’s throats.

49. There’s something shifty about this Santa.

This Santa’s like, “Hurry up and tell me what you want for Christmas, kid, so I can rob a bank. They don’t stay open forever, you know.”

50. When the kid’s not the problem for a family photo, it can sometimes be the dog.

And here’s Scruffy humping Mom’s leg. Always have to do it at the worst time.

51. Christmas is the time when we celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace.

No, not that prince. Since that’s Prince. But the tree surely looks a lot like “Purple Rain.”

52. Some people have simple tastes when it comes to Secret Santa.

For Scott, he just wants anything that costs $20. Preferably a gift card.

53. Sometimes Santa can’t stand the whiny brats on his lap.

Santa’s like, “Please take your screaming brat and make sure I never have to see her again. I need a freaking drink.”

54. Couples pictures should always be about love and tenderness.

Unfortunately, Rover had to relieve himself. Therefore, ruining the family Christmas card.

55. Sometimes expressing disdain takes the most subtle form.

And here is one of the girls giving a finger to the photographer. Yes, tell the camera person what you really think of them.

56. When you can’t find your Christmas stocking and it’s Christmas Eve.

Yes, Allison’s stocking is just a plain old sock from her drawer. Kind of sad if you think about it.

57. Merry Christmas from Hawaii.

And you wouldn’t know it until you see the grandmother dressed like a tacky tourist. Got to love these old timey photos.

58. No, Santa, please don’t touch him there.

Yes, this is pretty disturbing. I’m sure Santa didn’t mean anything. Because it would be horrifying if he did.

59. The girls decided to get matching outfits this year.

Yes, this straight out of the 1980s. And yes, two of them consist of polka dots.

60. This year’s Christmas theme is in the kitchen.

I’m not sure why families do stunts like this. But there you go. Must be a tradition.

61. Don’t look now but little Bobby has something up his nose.

Let’s hope it’s just his nose running. But it more likely seems like he stuck something up there.

62. Apparently, everyone had to bring their best gift bow.

Well, at least they didn’t dress up in boxes. But still, this is pretty weird.

63. No, Dad, this isn’t the time for a beer.

Yes, he’s drinking at the slide. Really setting a good example to the kids. Not.

64. Perhaps it’s not best to change the baby when the grandparents pose for a photo.

Apparently, this baby has no respect for his elders. Seems like we have a budding mooner in our midst.

65. Don’t forget to wear your blue sweatshirts for the snow.

Whole family must be freezing since they’re not wearing freaking coats. Still, lovely scenery.

66. “Have yourself a merry little Christmas.”

Evidently, these children don’t strike me as merry or joyous. In fact, quite the contrary.

67. Guess this boy’s been very naughty this year.

Actually, he doesn’t strike me much as a brat. More likely, his family’s just really into the Krampus.

68. Seems like we got some cattle rustlers there.

And all the kiddies have guns with them. Don’t like where this is going.

69. Everyone seems to have wondrous news save for Emily.

To tell the truth, I think a lot of us are Emily. Poor thing.

70. No. that isn’t how you fold napkins on a Christmas table.

Yes, they look exactly what you think they do. You’d almost think this was for a party at the Playboy mansion.

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Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree at the Ugly Sweater Party (Fourth Edition)

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A perennial favorite on my blog during the holidays seems to be my ugly Christmas sweater posts. Of course, back in the day to receive one of these as a gift was a monumental embarrassment. Today, you’ll find plenty of people putting on these tacky apparel for Christmas parties. And sometimes the tackier the better. For instance, take what I’m wearing above. The sweater and the headband are actually my mom’s which she wore for a Christmas party at work. Because I don’t really have anything this tacky in my closet. And today, I’ll surely bring you more since you’ll find plenty on Pinterest or any online search. So for your reading pleasure today, I give you another assortment of spectacular ugly Christmas sweaters. Enjoy. By the way, some of these might not be safe for work.

  1. A holiday sweater like this makes you a favorite customer at Starbucks.

Funny, that the cup isn’t red. Perhaps someone didn’t want to piss off conservatives.

2. A Christmas tree sweater should have all kinds of bows.

Well, it kind of looks more like a dress. But you have to love the large star on it.

3. How about a mounted reindeer with lights?

This is kind of sick. But to be honest, it’s kind of hilarious. Don’t worry, the deer head is plush.

4. For Christmas south of the border, I suppose this poncho will do.

Sure it might fall under cultural appropriation. But since it’s a tacky rendition of “Feliz Navidad,” I’ll take it.

5. Hipsters might adore this reindeer top.

Because a sweater with anything else is so mainstream. And yes, you have the hipster glasses near the red nose.

6. As we all know, you can’t resist the presents under the tree.

Oh, she’s supposed to be dressed as the tree cover. Though that’s an awfully small tree on her head.

7. As we all know, Santa can’t be Santa without his long white beard.

Well, this Santa has a pretty long beard akin to Albus Dumbledore. Though you normally don’t see Santas with that kind of facial hair.

8. With this sweater, you’re always Walken in the winter wonderland.

And yes, this depicts Christopher Walken. You know him from hit movies and his distinctive voice.

9. Instead of a Christmas sweater, how about go with a Christmas skirt?

Okay, this is more cute than ugly. But still, it kind of counts since it’s in a similar style.

10. “Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you drive my sleigh tonight?”

As you can see, this sweater lights up. And yes, so does Rudolph’s nose.

11. “Fra-geel-lay. Must be Italian.”

After all, you can’t have an ugly Christmas sweater post without including one with the leg lamp. A tacky Christmas decoration that you’d ever see.

12. A mantle at the fireplace and a deer head are always great for couples.

Yes, it looks like someone killed Rudolph. But think how well it goes with the stockings hung at the fireplace.

13. Frosty can always make a great drinking buddy during the holidays.

Yes, that’s Frosty the Snowman with a beer can. And yes, he’s becoming a bad influence to children.

14. You’ll always need a warm fire when the stockings are hung by the chimney with care.

Another couple’s idea, apparently. Though the woman can wear hers all year long. The guy, not so much.

15. No Christmas sweater can do without some fuzzy fur trim.

Well, it has feathers on the cuffs and bottom. But it includes a hood with all kinds of tacky trimmings.

16. A Christmas vest should always include some tinsel.

Comes with matching candy canes, snowflakes, and green bows. Perfect for any Christmas party.

17. Seems like Grandma got run over by a reindeer.

Don’t worry, she’s fine. Just had to spend some time in the hospital. But the tracks are nonetheless permanent.

18. Apparently, the Abominable Snowman can spit out candy.

Okay, maybe not. But this is nevertheless hilarious, especially if you add tinsel.

19. Now your Christmas sweater can have its own snow globe.

Okay, this is in plastic. But it will certainly be a hit at any Christmas party you go to.

20. Seems like the deer like to frolic during the holiday season.

Okay, they’re just humping each other. So best not to wear this one in front of the kids.

21. For a more refined occasion, you might want to wear this evening gown.

Yes, this is an ugly Christmas dress. Not something you’d wear to a fancy dress ball. But perfect for an office party, sort of.

22. A Christmas suit is great for all yuletide occasions.

I see the guy wearing the Santa hat with his tacky suit. Sure it’s ridiculous but fun.

23. A sweater like this will make you a darling at any office bash.

Even has the words “Ugly” on it. Also includes plenty of pom poms and tinsel.

24. A present dress should always include a bow and tinsel.

All these ladies wear large red bows for their outfits. And yes, gift bows are a great way to decorate anything.

25. If you like A Christmas Story, than this is the holiday sweater for you.

Consists of Ralphie in his pink bunny outfit and the leg lamp. And all in felt, too.

26. Of course, no Christmas can be without a couple of ball ornaments.

Okay, this guy’s sweater is kind of risqué. Definitely not to be worn around children.

27. No ugly sweater can ever have too much tinsel.

Actually, you can’t have too much of anything on these sweaters. But she certainly rocks in her tinsel top with silver snowflakes.

28. As Santa says, “Ho, ho, ho.”

Though that phrase can also be used as an inside joke. But I like how the Santas are positioned here. So clever.

29. Sometimes a sweater can use a little bit of everything.

This one has a snowman with tinsel, garlands, bows, jingles, and baubles. Certainly stands out among many.

30. Nothing makes Christmas than some holiday Whoville fashions.

These girls even have the Who hair. Nevertheless, perfect for any day out in Whoville.

31. Green feathers always go well with any candy cane striped shirt.

This one even lights up as you can see. Though I’d more anticipate more decor relating to the Grinch on this.

32. A sweater like this is perfect for any family Christmas.

Though you wouldn’t want to spend Christmas with the Griswolds. Or anywhere near them for that matter.

33. You can always add more to any Christmas sweater.

His even has a deer in a stocking along with lights. But he doesn’t have a care in the world.

34. Perhaps a more layered look may suit your fancy.

This get up is essentially covered in bows. Yet, it has plenty of other stuff on it, too.

35. A Christmas dress can be just as snazzy.

This one has a tree on the skirt and bows on the top. All on black velvet, apparently.

36. Indeed, the North Pole elves have their own kind of entertainment.

This one has Barbie on a stripper pole as the elves shower her with cash. Ho, ho, ho indeed.

37. A cardigan can always use some tinsel and tulle.

But don’t forget to put on a few decorations as well. Certainly flashy for any festive occasion.

38. Guess you have an idea on what she has in her stocking.

Though looking at her you can’t help but be amazed on how she fit an entire bottle in her stocking. Nevertheless, this is pretty funny.

39. I’m sure you can have plenty of jingling on this sweater.

Includes spring tits, lights, and bells on the nipples. So you’d better not wear it in front of your family.

40. Christmas heels should come with a snowflake or two.

Well, these are red heels covered with green glitter, too. The snowflake is the finishing touch.

41. A Christmas sweater can come in all sizes.

And I see a couple of these are child size. But all certainly have their own bows for the tree.

42. Perhaps you might want your holiday sweater gift wrapped.

Though this one has a gold bow on it. Though the wrapping is in blue, red, and green.

43. You can make your own reindeer with a simple sock.

Well, that’s kind of ingenious. The antlers are quite charming as well.

44. A festive sweater should always jingle.

And if you live in Whoville, then this is the perfect Christmas sweater for you. Should go great with Cindy Lou Who hair.

45. May your Christmas crash and Bern.

But in a good way, since this has Bernie Sanders. Yes, I like his ideas. But I don’t think he would’ve won.

46. A green holiday suit always makes you a hit outdoors.

Yes, it’s certainly tacky indeed. Guaranteed to make people’s eyes sour with all the trimmings.

47. Seems like rocking in his yuletide get up.

Yes, that vest is certainly ugly. But those pants are just atrocious.

48. How many of those bears could you fit in that stocking?

The title on this one reads, “It’s a sad day for the bears.” Not sure exactly what that means per se.

49. There’s nothing more badass than Santa fighting a shark.

And yes, Santa really gives the shark a punch. Though Santa’s not known to be buff at all. In fact, on the contrary.

50. For Breaking Bad fans dreaming of a White Christmas, look no further.

Though to be fair, Walter White isn’t the kind of guy you’d want to spend Christmas with. Mostly because he’s freaking insane.

51. I call this one, “The Pizza Lover’s Deluxe.”

Because nothing brings cheer during the holidays than the great taste of pizza. Okay, maybe not. But this is pretty funny.

52. I’m sure this guy will eventually shoot his eye out.

It depicts the BB gun Ralphie wanted for Christmas. And yes, he does hurt himself using it.

53. Apparently, Santa might need a new belt or suspenders.

Since you can see his butt crack. Hopefully, nobody but the reindeer saw that. I hope.

54. I give you the Human Santapede.

Get it? Because it’s a human centipede and it’s for Christmas. Yeah, I know it’s disgusting.

55. You’d find this sweater delightfully Grinchy.

This one has bows on the sleeves as well as a plush Grinch in the center. And yes, there’s some tinsel for the trim.

56. After all, everyone loves a plush reindeer.

Well, it more or less resembles a moose with a wreath. But this woman’s not complaining.

57. How about a Christmas sweater for two?

This one is a naughty and nice shirt for couples. Though I wouldn’t want to have this kind of closeness at a holiday party. Think outfits should be separate.

58. If you’re a stoner, this holiday sweater may be for you.

It’s a pot gingerbread shirt. An unsurprisingly, it contains rose of gingerbread.

59. Care to look inside the windows.

Well, it certainly gives you a nice view. Seems like this sweater has a little bit of everything here.

60. I suppose a yeti is perfect for any white Christmas.

Though a yeti lives in the Himalayas where many of the people don’t. Still, this is pretty clever.

SantaCon Costumes Are Coming to Town (Third Edition)

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Around this time of year, people from across the country put on their yuletide duds to paint the town red and green for the SantaCon pub crawl. Now while its participants call it a time of revelry and fun, those in New York City particularly see it as a boozefest full of drunken brawling, vandalism, public urination and disorder. This has resulted in fierce community resistance save from those who make money off it as well as the disavowal of those who originated it. Though to be fair, plenty of fun events have devolved into an excuse for drunk partying like Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick’s Day. Hell, you can even say the same for Christmas and New Years, which in that case, had been filled with drunken incidents centuries before SantaCon was a thing. Anyway, a 2011 article from Gothamist called the Santa celebration an “annual drunken shitshow” that “has steadily devolved from cleverly subversive to barely tolerable to ‘time to lock yourself in your apartment for the day.’ ” And a 2017 report from the New York Daily News stated the event, “endures an annual backlash from New Yorkers repulsed by the sight of Santas vomiting or urinating in the street in years past.” Let’s just say Wikipedia has leaves a section of New York City incidents over SantaCon with many hilarious reports of this yuletide debauchery. This doesn’t mean we can’t get any fun out of it. For we totally can since you find plenty of creative costumes in their midst, which is where I come in. So for your reading pleasure, please enjoy these SantaCon-type costumes.

  1. Nothing makes winter like an enchanting snow globe.

Well, at least she has “North Pole” on the base. And she has a Santa coat and striped tights.

2. “Frag-gil-lee. Must be Italian.”

Yes, she’s dressed up as the infamous leg lamp from Christmas Story. Still, tights don’t provide adequate insulation in freezing weather.

3. Guess the birthday boy isn’t all too impressed.

Well, Christmas is supposedly Jesus’s birthday. Still, he doesn’t seem like he’s about to chase moneychangers at some temple anytime soon.

4. Perhaps you’d like a couple of gingerbread?

Though the outfits seem kind of short. Yet, both these women hold candy canes to match.

5. How about a Santa mascot for size?

Yes, it’s a cartoonish costume with an eye space at the hat. It’s also kind of creepy.

6. Tulle is always great for a costume Christmas tree.

Both of them also have lights on their trees as well as a star on their heads. Both women can surely stand out.

7. Watch out for this red suited gangster.

He has a candy cane and he’s not afraid to use it. Also, the suit is in pinstripes.

8. A Christmas tree dress will certainly stun.

This is a strapless dress with a skirt consisting of tinsel, snowflakes, and baubles. Not sure if anyone should wear it to SantaCon. But it’s surely stunning.

9. For once, Santa would just like to relax.

Guess this is what Santa would wear when he’s at some golf course in an exotic location. Let’s hope it’s not Mar-a-Lago.

10. Don’t look now, but I think there’s an Abominable Snowman creeping up on the candy cane guy.

You know the Abominable Snowman from the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer special. And yes, I have a very bad feeling about this.

11. These Christmas presents tastefully wrap themselves.

Both wear tutus and shiny tops. And they even come with large gold tags.

12. What could Christmas ever be without the Grinch and Cindy Lou Who?

Though I don’t think the Grinch costume is incredibly flattering. But Cindy Lou is quite lovely.

13. Apparently, even reptilians enjoy the SantaCon celebrations.

One of them even wears shorts. Then there’s some Santas with white fros.

14. If you want to dress as a snow queen, there’s always a costume of Elsa.

Yes, I know so many girls want to be her for Halloween. But at Christmas, Elsa won’t be in high demand. So you can just let it go.

15. Sometimes with Christmas trees, less can be more.

Well, these two wear short green dresses. But they also include the stars, tinsel, and lights.

16. Don your red and green apparel for this year’s SanatCon.

This is a pretty original costume. She has green hair, a hula hoop, and an outlandish outfit. Is either an elf or a resident from Whoville.

17. Santa comes in riding on Rudolph.

I don’t know about you. But considering that Santa is overweight, he shouldn’t be riding on a moose, let alone a reindeer.

18. In this Santa getup, you can be a darling of the holiday pub crawl.

Yes, it’s a sexy Santa girl costume. Not sure if Mrs. Claus would wear this though.

19. Apparently, the Grinch decided to go casual.

Though a green T-shirt is better than makeup. Still, you have to like what they did to their dog.

20. Who thought that Santa could rock in a fedora.

Okay, maybe not. But he certainly seems like he’s straight from a rock group like ZZ Top.

21. Make sure your presents are carefully wrapped.

She’s wearing a dress of gift bows. The guy’s wearing a gift box with a giant bow.

22. This snowman costume can make SantaCon extra frosty.

Yes, it’s a sexy Frosty the Snowman costume. And yes, it comes with a short skirt that’s not good for freezing weather.

23. Perhaps you might want to be a rather saucy Mrs. Claus.

Comes with candy cane striped tights. Still, Mrs. Claus shouldn’t be sexy.

24. Toy soldiers come in all shapes and sizes.

Though the women have the high hats, the men have the fuzzy ones. But they’re all dressed in the traditional uniform.

25. Apparently, Santa has come out of his grave.

Of course, you’ll probably have an undead Santa among ranks. Mostly consists of a Santa suit with a zombie face.

26. If you can’t wrap, you can always gift bag.

Those must be pretty large gift bags. And you can even use tissue paper.

27. Santa Claus isn’t the only Christmas figure to don a long beard.

Yes, this is the Ghost of Christmas present from the Dickens story. So he’d be perfect for SantaCon.

28. My, he sure has a long candy cane.

Okay, I know this is quite risque. But SantaCon isn’t known for its wholesomeness anyway. In fact, it’s just the opposite.

29. You don’t need much to dress as a toy soldier.

They mostly used T-shirts to decorate here. Add the fake hair, mustache, and hat.

30. For a cold day, why not dress as a Christmas caroler?

Okay, this isn’t a conventional caroler costume. Mostly because it has a short skirt.

31. You can always let it snow in your little globe.

Well, that’s kind of cute. Like the “North Pole” base. Though a globe doesn’t really make tasks easier for this Santa’s little helper.

32. A reindeer should always come in a red skirt.

Well, a red tutu of tulle. She’s also wearing red antlers to match.

33. A Christmas tree always needs to sparkle with tinsel.

She’s even wearing presents as shoes. Still, she can’t shake off that shine.

34. Santa and his missus can always stand out in furry, white robes.

Okay, this is probably the Russian Dede Moroz and his wife. But both are in furs and wield long staffs.

35. You haven’t seen nothing from this super Santa.

Though I can’t see how Santa could be Superman. Because both men have totally different body types.

36. Ice queens always love it when it snows.

Well, I suppose they work for some winter park. But they have lovely blue hair and dresses to imitate ice.

37. You might want to bundle up in this candy cane coat.

Well, it’s a flashy candy cane coat and boots. But there’s barely anything in between.

38. Didn’t know Cindy Lou Who was dating Buddy the Elf.

Well, they’re not given age gaps and the different universes they live in. But these two are quite cute together.

39. You can always decorate your own tree dress for the holidays.

She’s wearing tinsel and baubles along with a star on top. Doesn’t light, but she’ll go on the post.

40. While Christmas as Santa Claus, Hanukah has it’s own chicken.

Not sure what the chicken has to do with this Jewish tradition. But I have an inkling suspicion this guy was made up.

41. These toy soldiers are always on duty.

Since they’re wearing pale green over their red pants. They also use candy canes as guns.

42. Of course, everyone could use some shade.

This is a rather clever leg lamp costume. Just need a black coat, stockings, and a lampshade hat.

43. It’s MC Santa time.

Yes, this is Santa as MC Hammer. Though note the other Santa with the chimney hat in the background.

44. Sometimes Santa enjoys delivering presents to those under the sea.

Actually, I don’t think he’s even in the water. But he has a Christmas tree in tow.

45. Wrapping paper can be an excellent substitute for fabric.

Technically, no. But since it’s Christmas, it’s best to let it slide since they’re dressed as presents.

46. Santa’s sleigh team is all assembled.

Well, these ladies are all in a sexy reindeer costume. Though to be fair, female reindeer do have antlers this time of year.

47. This Who girl always loves to dress in pink.

Though to be fair, Whos always have a unique style to them. You especially see this with women’s hairstyles.

48. When in doubt, you can always go to SantaCon in your pajamas.

So they actually have Christmas onesies for adults? Not sure if I’d even wear that.

49. To scare the kids, may I suggest a Krampus costume?

Even comes with a sack for the kiddies. Yes, this a really messed up outfit you can buy.

50. Don’t forget to wear your best stockings.

And I suppose this guy took it literally. Though he doesn’t necessarily make a bad stocking stuffer.

51. You can always shimmer in a pink Santa dress.

At least this one comes with tights. But you have to wear a coat with this on.

52. Hipster Santa will always give you what you want.

Don’t forget he puts roaches inside bad kids’ stockings. Because coal is just too mainstream.

53. Sometimes you get more with less on a Christmas tree dress.

Includes bows and baubles on the skirt along with gold tinsel. Comes with red transparent stockings.

54. Seems we have Rudolph pulling Santa’s sleigh.

Don’t worry, they’re just two friends playing around. Though the woman playing Rudolph must be freezing her butt off.

55. An oblong box is a perfect way to present yourself.

It’s a present costume, possibly consisting of mostly foam inside. Yet, it’s in red with a green ribbon.

56. Though you can easily make your own presents with a box.

These boxes just have wrapping paper, ribbons and tags. And they only cover their upper bodies.

57. You should always go all out as a Christmas tree.

He’s even wearing lights and tinsel. Though I hope he doesn’t step into mud since it would totally ruin it.

58. Let these Santas guide you on the 4 stages of life.

And yes, they seem to revolve around Santa Claus. Yet, you have to love their hats.

59. Seems like a couple of Na’vi are basking into the holiday cheer.

Too bad their blue paint costume hasn’t been relevant since 2009. Though James Cameron vows to make sequels.

60. Perhaps you’d like to dress as a couple of driedels.

Finally, a costume depicting an actual Hanukah symbol. But don’t try to spin these two.

61. These Santas just came from the deep.

Well, they’re diving helmets. Though you wonder if they can see through the windows.

62. The mighty Santathor will always be there to save Christmas.

And he comes wiht his hammer Mjingle to vanquish the Grinch stealing it. Wait a minute, Thor’s a Norse god, isn’t he?

63. Seems like everyone wants to follow that one reindeer.

Though one of these is Ralphie who just shot his eye out. Still, the Santa seems a bit sketchy.

64. You can always keep warm with a cup of Starbucks.

Well, she’s dressed as a Starbucks holiday cup. Guaranteed to infuriate conservatives and Fox News.

65. Christmas trees should always dress alike.

And all these ladies wear stars and bright green hair. Dresses are decorated with baubles and tinsel.

66. This soldier is a real nutcracker.

You can tell because she’s holding a bag of nuts. Though she seems quite pretty compared to the regular ones.

67. You can never have enough tulle for a Christmas tree costume.

Wonder how she sits down. Outfit even lights up. Lovely.

68. You could always go as an elf from Santa’s workshop.

Makes you wonder what the North Pole’s dress code is. Still, sexy elves belong in Lord of the Rings, not Christmas.

69. Seems like Santa has gone Steampunk.

So does he ride on a mechanical sleigh with automaton reindeer? Still, this is great.

70. If you like gingerbread, you might adore this dress.

Yes, I know it’s another sexy costume. But at least it has a candy cane blouse and tights.

71. Now this snowman looks really frosted.

Okay, that’s pretty creepy. Yet, it’s a great use of cotton stuffing.

72. Looks like that’s someone from Santa’s pit crew.

Well, someone has to repair Santa’s sleigh. And yes, that person’s wearing a mechanic’s suit.

73. Sorry, but on Christmas the guy has to wear the pink bunny suit.

Yes, this is A Christmas Story couple. And yes, the woman is a leg lamp. Still, the pink bunny costume cracks me up.

74. Looks like Santa Claus has gone evil.

And he wears horns and a long red robe with a hood. He’s even got a lady assistant with him.

75. These people wish you a merry Kiss-mas

Think of it as KISS dressed up in Santa suits. And you basically get this.

76. Seems like Jack Skellington is passing on his own Christmas cheer.

I have to admit this is just so cute in its own way. Just hope this little Santa doesn’t give away shrunken heads to the kids.

77. No, Ghost of Christmas Present, please don’t go open robe.

And yes, he has his dick in a box. Jesus Christ, this is just messed up.

78. You can always don a couple of advent calendars.

Well, that’s a rather simple idea for SantaCon. Very original to say the least.

79. Now you have a Santa in grayscale.

Because a grayscale always goes in a black and white photo. Though we live in a world of color.

80. Looks like Clark Griswold’s had trouble with the lights.

Yes, this is from the cover of Christmas Vacation. And yes, you can actually get electroshock if you’re not took careful.

The Sweet Candy World of Gingerbread Architecture (Second Edition)

gingerbread house

Now we go to the gingerbread houses. For many families decorating their very own gingerbread house with candy is a tradition. Often children build these with their parents’ help, usually decorating them with frosting and candy. Though the tradition is alive in some places in Europe than others. In Sweden, people make their gingerbread houses on Saint Lucy’s Day. And since 1991, the people of Bergen, Norway have built a gingerbread city called Pepperkakebyen which is the largest of such in the world. Washington D.C. also builds its own “Gingertown” every year as well. So far the world’s biggest gingerbread house was built in 2013 in Bryan, Texas by a group to raise funds for a hospital trauma center. The house was 2,520-square feet and comprised of 2,925 pounds of brown sugar, 1,800 pounds of butter, 7,200 eggs and 7,200 pounds of general purpose flour. The world’s largest gingerbread village was created by an executive sous-chef at the New York Marriott Marquis hotel which comprised of 135 residential and 22 commercial buildings. It even included trains and cable cars made of gingerbread. Nevertheless, a gingerbread house doesn’t have to be an actual house, which can range from a small cabin to a castle. Sometimes you might see gingerbread churches, stadiums, museums, and other structures. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of delectable gingerbread houses.

  1. Come over to this gingerbread amusement park.

Includes a carousel and a ferris wheel. All decorated in frosting and candy goodness.

2. Perhaps you may be charmed by this stone church.

Sure it may not have the lavish candy decorations. But you have to love the ornate windows.

3. A gingerbread house should be decked with boughs of holly.

Has a roof covered with snow. Seems like a rather old-fashioned place with an old timey car.

4. Sometimes it’s best to start simple.

Has candy covered on the roof with frosting on the edges. Includes an iced porch with a candy cane column.

5. This castle is the stuff of fairy tales.

This one has several towers with rich detail. Includes gingerbread trees as well.

6. Christmas is always a festive time of year at this Victorian house.

This beautiful house has it all festive for Christmas. Got to admire the detail on this.

7. A gingerbread castle always delights those in the happiest place on earth.

This is a depiction of Cinderella’s castle in all its Christmas glory. And yes, the wreath is in the shape of Mickey Mouse.

8. A charming gingerbread house should include a space for plants.

This one has a greenhouse made of pretzel sticks and jello. Still, makes a rather quaint home with the Christmas decorations.

9. You’d almost think this was a village inspired by Mother Goose.

And in a way it is, since it includes most of the characters from Mother Goose rhymes. But it only comprises of 3 buildings.

10. How about a small, stone Christmas cottage?

You can easily find a house like this in your neighborhood. Still, you have to love the Christmas decorations on this and the greenery.

11. Even a lavish hotel can certainly deck the halls.

I’m not sure what this building’s called. But it’s surely decorated for the holidays nonetheless.

12. Of course, you can’t have Christmas without including a nativity scene.

Since I didn’t include one in my gingerbread post last year. And yes, this one has an inn in the background.

13. Perhaps a gingerbread pagoda will suit your taste.

And we have this one shining like a pillar on its foundation. Like the white roof. So pretty.

14. A gingerbread church should be in its most festive.

This one is certainly fit for Candyland. Got to love the beautiful pillars of candy.

15. Those in warmer weather might want to consider this gingerbread beach cabin.

Includes a surfboard and lifesaver. Not sure whether that’s brown sugar or sand. But to each his own.

16. Care to take a look inside Santa’s bakery?

Inside you have Santa with the tree as well as Mrs. Claus and her helpers. Though the sleigh and reindeer are outside.

17. I guess you call this a Santaland fun fair.

Yes, it’s another gingerbread amusement park. But this one even has a fun slide and fun house.

18. A fancy gingerbread house needs to include every trimming.

This one has candy cane columns and all kinds of sweet stuff. But the design is so charming.

19. Care for a carriage ride.

Yes, this is a gingerbread horse drawn carriage. Like they had in the olden days. Though a ride in this thing wouldn’t have been pleasant back then.

20. Hope you can hold your candy canes for this wild ride.

I guess this is a local attraction. Nevertheless, you have to admire the structure since a gingerbread roller coaster seems hard to pull off.

21. Hop aboard on the Popcorn Express.

Last year’s gingerbread post I had a gingerbread train station. This year it’s a gingerbread train with popcorn smoke.

22. For a Christmas without snow, a gingerbread sandcastle may suit your fancy.

Caption reads: “Kristen Coniaris with her giant gingerbread house cookie sandcastle decorated with royal icing, ground cookies, candy for Viacom’s holiday beach party.”

23. And I see bakeries are getting in the act of gingerbread competition.

Yes, bakeries do compete in gingerbread contests. Still, I really love the candy roof on this one.

24. A gingerbread house like this is all too sweet to not love.

Includes heart candy decor on the roof and candy cane columns. And yes, the previous one is in a similar style.

25. You might be fond of this gingerbread house underwater.

Yes, this is an undersea gingerbread house. Like how the roof is covered in clams.

26. Even a gingerbread log cabin can look spectacular.

This one is covered in pretzel sticks instead of gingerbread. But it’s included in this post since it abides by the form.

27. If you’re sick, how about go to a gingerbread hospital?

Well, this is kind of cute. Though the horse drawn ambulance kind of keeps me from getting any treatment there. Because I could tell their doctors must practice some kind of Civil War era medicine.

28. Any Christmas village deserves its own Christmas cathedral.

Okay, it’s more a castle. But it certainly has lofty towers and walls. Love it.

29. Those who love the 1960s might want to see this hippie gingerbread house.

Has a bright colored house with surfboards and a VW bus. Groovy, isn’t it?

30. Perhaps you might prefer a brick home with fancy lattice.

Yes, it’s another fancy home on this post. And though this photo doesn’t show the porch, it has a dog house in the back yard.

31. If you love Pixar, you might adore this Up gingerbread house.

The balloons are made of jelly beans. But you have to like how it’s floating over the base.

32. How about an island gingerbread hut for starters?

This one has shredded wheat on its roof for straw. Also, uses fruit roll ups for a hammock and towels.

33. You can always let it snow on this white gingerbread house.

Comes with green candy cane columns and wreaths on the windows. So lovely and cozy.

34. You’d almost mistake this place for an old timey homestead.

Yes, it looks quite quaint for a rustic home. Yet, you have to admire the green shutters on the windows.

35. Now this is what you call a perfect Christmas house.

This one seems like a place Santa himself could live in at the North Pole. Got to adore the snow covered red roof.

36. Sometimes it’s all in the tiny details when it comes to gingerbread.

Comes with a green roofed sun room. And yes, it’s all decked for the holiday season.

37. How about a small winter castle?

Sure it’s on the small side for fairy tale establishments. But it’s quite picturesque. Oh, the wonders you can do with frosting.

38. Perhaps you might want gingerbread abode in a Tudor style.

Certainly seems like the kind of home you’d see in a fairy tale village. Doesn’t seem to have a lot of Christmas decorations though.

39. Bag End looks ready for the holiday season.

It took me awhile to realize this by the way. At first, I thought the guy with the shaggy beard was Hagrid. Now I realize it’s Thorin.

40. You’d be in a winter wonderland with this white castle.

At least they don’t serve burgers here. Still, it’s quite a majestic sight.

41. Enjoy your island stay in one of these gingerbread huts.

This one consists of 3 huts on a porch. And they’re all in front of a beach.

42. Those who enjoy Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas will enjoy this gingerbread house.

This is Cindy Lou Who’s house where the Grinch first stopped. You can see the lights from the sack.

43. A green gingerbread house can always make things more festive.

Has a lovely façade with wonderful Christmas decorations. I suppose the Christmas tree is an ice cream cone with frosting.

44. Seems like we got ourselves a colorful candy factory.

Seems like the kind of factory you’d expect if you had a child of Willy Wonka and Lisa Frank enter in the confection business. Though let’s not dwell on the working conditions here.

45. A red brick church can always bring in the holiday spirit.

Caption: “Boyajian made a replica of the St. Aloysius Church near Dieterich out of gingerbread. He and a friend even measured the outside of the church so he could make it to scale. He spent more than 200 hours on the project.”

46. Perhaps this gingerbread caravel will enchant you.

Yes, it certainly looks very majestic. However, real wooden ships were hellholes with cramped spaces, spoiled food, shitting, and disease.

47. A gingerbread carousel should always delight.

You may not be able to go on the carousel during the Christmas season. But this is nonetheless charming.

48. Santa Toy Works seems incredibly busy these days.

Love the bright colors they used on this one. Hope those presents get made in no time.

49. Here we have Santa at some beach house down on the shore.

Well, someone must be kicking back near the waves. Hope Santa doesn’t get too hot.

50. Seems like someone’s waiting for something.

This one almost looks like a miniature of a McMansion. The stonework is incredible.

51. For a more modern flair, how about Fallingwater?

To be fair, Fallingwater is basically overrated as far as architecture’s concerned. If you want to visit Fayette County, you’re better off spending your afternoon at Fort Necessity.

52. I’m sure no gingerbread man wants to be put away in this place.

Well, one for a western town, anyway. Still, it lights up from the inside.

53. Someone’s Model T needs a few repairs.

Never thought I’d see a gingerbread mechanic’s shop before. And an old timey one at that.

54. How about a lovely rustic barn?

This one has trees, red doors and trim, and all the animals galore. So quaint.

55. You see this small ship departing from this gingerbread harbor.

Almost resembles a postcard. Got to love the lighthouse here.

56. You’ll find plenty to discover at this castle.

This is quite interesting. Not necessarily Hogwarts. But quite stunning just the same.

57. Boston Red Sox fans will love this gingerbread Fenway Park.

Though I’m sure there’s a gingerbread of Yankee stadium for New York Yankee fans seething at this. Still, I’m not sure why it’s green.

58. This gingerbread igloo is great in the snow and ice.

This one has little gingerbread bricks with reindeer and an Inuit on a sled. So adorable.

59. Nothing can match this gingerbread cuckoo clock.

This one almost resembles the real thing. Though it’s not nearly as annoying.

60. Seems like Gondor has called for aid.

Yes, that’s a gingerbread reenactment of the Battle of Gondor from Return of the King. And those are gummies in the epic fight.

61. You’d almost think this was a high class tower house.

In a way it is. Kind of reminds me of something you’d see from A Series of Unfortunate Events. Includes a nice patio though.

62. Seems like this house got some snow.

This almost looks like a model. Love the rich detail on this Victorian. So lovely.

63. “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto.”

Got to like the tornado in this one. How this pulled it off, I’ll never know.

64. A quaint cottage should always come with a thatched roof.

Almost seems like a quality fairy tale home. So lovey with the stone foundation and wooden beams.

65. Now this is the ultimate gingerbread winter palace.

And yes, it’s certainly huge beyond belief. But you have to love the towers.

66. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas at this gingerbread store.

Contains display windows at the first floor. A great place to shop during the holidays.

67. Have a wonderful Christmas thanks to this tree place.

Here we have Santa with a nice tree decorated already. And there are still some trees outside.

68. Santa always makes sure to visit the treehouse.

Though he appears to want to be somewhere else. Not that I blame him either.

69. So Santa lives in a castle at the North Pole.

Nevertheless, it’s a pastel house with candy cane edging all over. Bet it smells like peppermints.

70. Then again, Santa’s house could easily be a green and red Tudor.

Though I think it would better with dark green beams. Includes a stone foundation with a staircase.

71. A red carousel can always evoke the Christmas season.

This one includes a generous amount of red and green frosting with flowers. And I bet the top includes lace decoration.

72. A simple storefront always seems quaint during the holidays.

Well, doesn’t seem to use a lot of decorations. Though you can see Santa on a roof. So lovely.

73. Here you’ll find a white stone house covered in ivy.

Yes, it seems like nature has dominated this place. Though you can see a couple of Christmas wreaths.

74. For the small and mobile bunch, perhaps a gingerbread camper might do.

Has a Christmas tree tied to the top. Thought it was supposed to go inside.

75. Hop aboard onto Rudolph Air.

It’s a Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer airplane. Not necessarily in line with Christmas lore, but I don’t mind.

76. You might find a bird singing in this gingerbread bird cage.

I see it’s supposed to emanate some of the 12 Days of Christmas. Though I don’t think that song actually makes any sense.

77. You’d almost think things got crazy at this place.

This one kind of reminds you of what you’d see in Whoville. Because you wouldn’t see a house like this in real life.

78. Somehow an elf can have a bed and breakfast at the North Pole.

Though it has fine Christmas decorations as well as red and green trimmings. So lovely.

79. Hope you can spend some time alongside this gingerbread mill.

Comes with a waterwheel. But still has a Christmas wreath for the season.

80. Perhaps you want to spend Christmas in this cozy red house.

This is quite lovely. Has a yellow roof and Christmas decorations all around. So pretty.

81. You’d almost swear they were celebrating near a Chinese shrine.

Okay, it might be for Chinese New Year which is in February. But it’s nonetheless stunning just the same.

82. This gingerbread structure will certainly take you back in time.

Though some people in the past might not get why Dr. Who has Christmas decorations on his Tardis. This is especially if they’re from ancient times.

83. For Native Americans on the Plains, you might want to consider a gingerbread teepee.

This one has an Indian near a campfire. And yes, the teepee’s covered in candy like the houses.

84. Seems there’s a lot of flotsam and jetsam floating near this dock.

This one has a yacht club building. But yes, the water doesn’t look great here.

85. Nothing makes a German Christmas better than a gingerbread Neuschwanstein.

This is a Bavarian castle built by the mad king Ludwig II. But it’s nevertheless spectacular.

86. “That’s no moon. That’s a gingerbread space station.”

Yes, that’s a gingerbread Death Star from Return of the Jedi. And yes, it’s pretty awesome.

87. You’d swear this was part of a Mother Goose extravaganza.

I know it’s another gingerbread Mother Goose. But it’s nonetheless charming with its skinny houses.

88. How about a country home with wood for the fire?

This one has snow on the roof and wood on the side. But all the decorations it needs is a wreath at the door.

89. How about a fun time on the beach during the fair?

Well, a beach front Christmas does seem rather enchanting. Has a gingerbread ferris wheel with a wreath.

90. “Oh, no, it’s the Giant man-eating Gingerbread Man! Run for your lives!”

Kind of reminds you of those monster movies. Still, this is really hilarious I had to put it on the post.

91. Guess the title of this is “Christmas in Seattle.”

Since it has the Space Needle, you can guess this is Seattle. Still, the skyscraper is magnificent.

92. A gingerbread Mount Vernon brings great tidings for the season.

Sure it’s not white like the real thing. But it contains the red roof and outbuildings. Can’t help but love it.

93. This Victorian gingerbread has all the touches for the holidays.

Has lights on the roof and garlands on the edging. Got to love the decorations on this .

94. This AT-AT is ready for festive celebration.

Yes, this is a walker from Star Wars decked as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Yes, you know how nerds celebrate this time of year.

95. There’s no temple of knowledge as spectacular as the Smithsonian.

It’s one of the best places in Washington D.C. Mostly because it’s one of the few areas you’ll never see Donald Trump visiting. And yes, this castle is truly a spectacular sight.

96. A yellow and pink gingerbread house has a unique house.

This one certainly stands out with a Christmas tree on the first floor. So lovely.

97. Somehow this boot had been turned upside down.

Well, that’s pretty clever. Even has rooms you can look inside. Love it.

98. I’m sure you’ll be enthralled by this palace from Agraba.

Yes, this is the sultan’s palace from Aladdin. And I’m sure the minaret tops are made from gelatin. Great for any Arabian night.

99. This gingerbread swing ride will certainly give you a thrill.

While I’ve seen gingerbread ferris wheels, I haven’t seen anything like this. And in pure gingerbread fashion, it even has Christmas motifs.

100. The Force is strong in this gingerbread display from Return of the Jedi.

This one includes Jabba’s palace, Endor, and the second Death Star. Perfect for any Star Wars fan.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas with These Village Houses (Third Edition)

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As with last year and the year before, it’s on to the Christmas village houses. Though what you might see may be a store shelf, they’re nevertheless dazzling for any Christmas home. For the big hobbyists, a Christmas village may take a lot of time and space to assemble. Which explains why me and my family don’t have one. Though some might use some kind of arrangement like a shelf or cabinet. Not to mention, many of these houses may come with accessories like Christmas trees and reindeer. Still, do a search on these houses and you’ll find plenty in bright colors and glitter which can either go on your display mantle, table, or train tracks. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Christmas villages and houses for your very own winter wonderland.

  1. Put all your small glitter houses on one tree.

Each one of them has lights inside. Comes with glitter trees, too. Think glitter trees on a tree.

2. A yellow church should have its own clock tower.

And that clock tower should have a roof with glitter and cotton snow. To make it more Christmasy.

3. Sometimes everything’s better with beads.

The church’s glittery façade may seem rather fades. But it’s enhanced with the bead decoration and tree.

4. For a more perky winter wonderland, try glittery pastels for size.

Consists of a house, church, and gazebo. Each is decorated with jewels. So pretty.

5. How about a glittery house in snowy white?

Looks like it’s a magical snowy day. Has a reindeer in the front. Like the trees, too.

6. You’d almost imagine this village on a snowy mountain.

It’s a shelf with ice and snow decor and a blue background. Goes nicely with the seasonal decorations.

7. You can even make your own Christmas village with ceramic.

This consists of 3 houses and a church surrounding a Christmas tree. And it’s in purple.

8. How about a nice cardboard cottage?

Sure it might seem like minimum effort. But the windows on this house are amazing.

9. A Christmas village shelf could always be decked with evergreen garland.

Each row contains an array of houses with lights inside. The top shelf contains the church.

10. You can have your own winter wonderland covered in snow in your very own house.

This one even has its own train track. Yes, these Christmas village displays can be very elaborate indeed.

11. Any winter wonderland should have a few icicles.

After all, you can’t just use cotton snow. But be sure to have a white tree on top.

12. You can always get creative with church design.

This one has some sloped roofs which gives a modernist impression. Though I’m not sure about the tree.

13. Is that supposed to be a church or a schoolhouse?

I guess it could go either way. But you have to like the bell on this tower. So quaint.

14. For a more retro look, perhaps a house in pink and blue?

The roof is even striped. A few retro looking trees should go along with it nicely, too.

15. There’s nothing as enchanting as a church in pink and white.

This one has large windows and white trees. The fence surrounding it adds a certain charm to it as well.

16. Your small house could always be in certain print.

This one has a tree, red bells, and carolers. And the walls depict Christmas trees all over it.

17. You can make even set a print house in a Christmas mood if you just add tinsel.

This is a DIY as you see. But you can make it Christmasy by adding beads and tinsel trimmings.

18. You can let it snow with a few houses in blue.

Doesn’t seem to be made out of the usual materials. But you can’t resist it just the same.

19. Any Christmas village can be quite stunning at night.

Each structure here is all in glitter with a certain Christmas charm. Love the lights.

20. Nothing celebrates the season like a house in red and green.

This one kind of reminds me of something you see in Dr. Seuss. Still, like the windows.

21. A Christmas village could contain trees of all kinds of colors.

Love to see a village like this. Of course, this is probably from a store. But to each his own.

22. There’s nothing precious like a Christmas house in gold.

But be sure to add a wreath and trees. And put it next to a small Christmas tree.

23. A Christmas village can be of any size. Sometimes it all takes a couple houses and a church.

The houses are blue while the church is white. Don’t forget to add trees and reindeer.

24. You can’t go wrong with a quaint red brick house on a hill.

And it seems like St. Nick has stopped for a visit. Still, you have to admire the columns ad roof. Could easily see a house like this in Scottdale.

25. A feathery trim can give your village a winter touch.

You’d almost think this was a Christmas village on ice. It’s not but it’s nevertheless spectacular.

26. Bring the winter magic with a glitter pink house.

This one has pink beads in front. But you have to like the tinsel and the windows.

27. A winter house should always be covered in snow.

Doesn’t hurt that it’s white either. Comes with 2 trees and a reindeer.

28. If you like candle light, you might want to go with these apartment buildings.

You use these to cover the candles after you light them. Love the snow covered roofs. So pretty.

29. You’d swear a real snow came blowing at this house.

Like how they made the icicles. Still, ,the trees and snow covered roof make it ideal for the holidays.

30. Doesn’t hurt to deck the halls with boughs of holly.

Sure enough, this house is decorated with holly. Contains trees, a bow, and a Santa.

31. You might want a quaint Christmas with this barn.

Though it’s made from a tobacco pouch causes some concern. then again, to each his own.

32. Sometimes simplicity is always the best.

This one doesn’t use a lot of decorations. But it goes with any winter scene just the same.

33. You can always have your own Christmas village under the tree.

Though I can’t really have that since I have a dog in my house. Then my sister visits and brings her dog for Christmas. And you can see where that’s going.

34. Each village house should come with its own characteristics.

You have a house with smoke coming out of the chimney. You have another with lights. The third has a snowman.

35. Any snowman would love to be near this pink house.

This one has snow on the roof among other trimmings. Like the trees. So pretty.

36. Sometimes your village can always go small.

Well, the houses seem smaller. But the church stands out quite beautifully.

37. A white house should always be one with ice and snow.

Yes, certainly gives a magical feel. Like the wreath and trees.

38. Perhaps a pink house may suit your fancy.

Make sure to decorate it with a couple of Christmas trees. Still, seems like we have Santa in the front.

39. Sometimes it can’t hurt to go all fancy for the holidays.

This one even has a poodle in front. Got to love the beads on the roof. So stunning.

40. Care to stop at the bakery?

I don’t often see glitter shops. But when I come across this one, I just had to add it.

41. You might care for a simple blue house this Christmas.

This one has 2 trees and a deer with a bow. Even has the snowy roof to match.

42. Perhaps you’d like a church in brilliant blue?

This one has snow on the roof and tower. Comes with a beautiful matching tree.

43. A white church with pink and blue can always bring the holiday spirit.

This one seems like a little girl’s dream. Got to love the tree with the beads.

44. You can always celebrate the season with a white house covered in snow.

This one seems like a snowy place. Love the red trim on the windows. Seems so cozy.

45. Nothing makes a small village come alive like a small stream.

Almost resembles a painting. Love the rocks, river, and trees.

46. It sometimes helps Santa if you have candles in the window.

Though the candles are obviously drawn. But they give it a lovely Christmas charm.

47. Perhaps you might want glitter houses near your train.

Well, makes for a rather charming yuletide village. Love these houses.

48. Might want to go for a green house with a red tower.

This one has a wreath, tree, and reindeer. Love the snow on the roof with the red chimneys.

49. You’d swear someone was snowed in here.

Everything’s snow covered in this one. Sure it’s not flashy. But it’s great for the holiday season just the same.

50. A pink house should be a fine addition to any winter wonderland.

This one has two wreaths on the roof that have a rose and a bow. But the other decorations are just as quaint.

51. How about a Christmas village under the stars?

This one consists of a bunch of houses surrounding a church. A lovely show of lights.

52. A few houses can always enhance the neighborhood.

Consists of two small houses of gray and pink along with a bigger blue house. Like the wreath though.

53. Sometimes you might want to go with a more modern design.

This one is a light green house with jewels along the roof. The Christmas tree on the chimney adds a more festive touch.

54. This little house bids Season’s Greetings.

Sure it’s not as spectacular as the other glitter houses on here. But it’s a neat design.

55. Perhaps you might want your village to have a quaint schoolhouse.

Okay, this is a schoolhouse. This one is white with a bell tower. Great for any village display during the holidays.

56. Yet, perhaps you might want a red schoolhouse instead?

This one’s decorated with tinsel, ornaments, and a wreath. Like the tree on the door.

57. A set of glitter houses like these belongs on any Christmas mantle.

This one is in a more retro fashion to evoke the era of aluminum Christmas trees. Though you have to love the colors.

58. White houses always make the holiday spirit bright.

Each of these white houses has a glitter roof to emanate snow. One of these has a star in front.

59. Maybe you’d prefer to have a golden chapel for your village?

This one has jingle bell in its tower and snow on the roof. Like the decorations, too.

60. It always helps if you can light up the river and the lake.

Yes, it certainly looks pretty magical. Got to love the lights and trees. So pretty.

61. A green village shelf is always festive with the season.

This one almost looks like a Christmas tree. Though there’s not a lot of cotton snow on it. Love it.

62. Seems here you don’t know where the tree ends and the putz village begins.

Though I’m not sure what to think about the tree. But the village is simply stunning.

63. Show off your village to the neighborhood with this shelf.

Each shelf has houses along snow and lights. Great for any holiday home.

64. A small church on a pedestal could suit your fancy.

This one even has a flag on the tower. Like the wreath on the front, too.

65. Christmas lights make any village a winter wonderland to see.

It’s even against a mountain backdrop and has a train track. Love the tree with the star.

66. Guess this must be a town hall.

This is a red structure with a clock tower. Has a snow covered roof and trees.

67. Sometimes you just have to put glitter houses around a lake.

And sometimes the lake has to be a mirror. Love the lights and bright colors.

68. Occasionally, you might want a tower for your pink house.

This one also has garlands, trees, and a dog. And it’s surrounded with a white fence.

69. A Christmas house should always be a source of light from within.

Comes with two wreaths on the roof. On the bottom, you have plenty of Christmas trees and spacious windows.

70. You might prefer this small white church.

This one just has a tower with a sloping blue roof. Unique in all respects.

71. Sometimes it’s best to go with a ridged roof and balcony.

Sure it might not be glamorous. But you have to like the golden balcony and pink foundation.

72. A brick Christmas house is all the more cozy.

Comes with Christmas trees, candles, and a snowman. Such a lovely cottage, isn’t it?

73. A pink church can always evoke the holiday spirit.

This one has some vintage style Christmas trees. Got to love the snow roof.

74. Perhaps you might like a house with simple Christmas decorations.

This small glitter house has a Christmas tree, a wreath, a snowman, a garland on the fence, and Santa on the roof. Kind of wish Santa had reindeer with him though.

75. A pink and white church should come with its own tree.

Sure it’s not as spectacular as some of the other churches on here. The decorations are in gold and white.

76. A blue house should be decked with a string of beads.

Comes with a matching tree of blue, gold, and black baubles. Love the wreath, too.

77. How about a pink house with a bow?

This one has a wreath and a matching tree as well. So pretty.

78. For a more festive holiday season, may I suggest a purple church?

Has roses on the tower as well as a fancy tree beside it. And it stands on a cup with a flower.

79. Nothing’s more cozy for Christmas like a white house with pink trimmings.

Has strings of beads on the roof as well as trees on the base. So lovely isn’t it?

80. Perhaps a house with polka dots can make your season bright.

This one has a bow on it along with the Christmas tree beside it. So adorable for any village.

81. A white church should always have snow covered trees.

Has a golden glittery roof and a wreath. Like the tower window. So stunning.

82. Nothing’s charming like a white cottage with a red roof.

This seems like it was made from cardboard. Has a wreath and gold trim.

83. Christmas houses can always shine with some glitter.

Each of these has glitter in different places. One has glitter all over. The others have it only on the roof.

84. Perhaps a house with a star window will do.

It’s covered with snow on the roof and fence. Includes trees and a snowman.

85. Sometimes it helps if all the buildings were the same style.

Each one here is white with a gold roof. and they’re all against a pink base and a blue background.

86. A glitter village always brings a show of color during the holidays.

This one is against a forest and mountain background. And it even has a cute little Christmas train.

87. How about a small Christmas village in a box?

This one might have very small putz houses inside. But you have to admire this tiny winter wonderland.

88. Glitter can make any church shine.

Has a fence and two golden trees. Still, you have to admire the tower. So pretty.

89. A red church should always be with the season.

Has a wreath on the tower and Christmas trees on the base. Like the snow on the roof.

90. A sloped house should come with all the trimmings.

Has 3 snow covered towers along the snow covered roof. Decorations include 4 trees and 3 wreaths.

91. A white tower house should make any holiday season bright.

This one has a interesting tower design along with windows and gold Christmas trees. So stunning.

92. It wouldn’t be a church without stain glass windows.

After all, most churches have stained glass windows in real life. Still, this one comes with carolers.

93. A turquoise house should shine bright during the holidays.

Decorated with tinsel and jewels along with a wreath, sled, snowman and trees. Love it.

94. A bright blue house should come with extra trimmings for the Christmas season.

Has metal decorations along with two wreaths on the roof. Like the snowman and sled.

95. A pink snow covered house should always sparkle.

Has trees and wreaths for decorations. Got to love the reindeer in front.

96. How about a cabin made of logs?

Well, this is a neat design. Like the green roof and the Santa in front.

97. Sometimes you need a bit of paradise when it snows.

Though a flamingo in a lei is kind of tacky if you ask me. Still, it goes nicely with the house.

98. Sometimes pastel colors can make the season shine.

This one has plenty of decorations in the front on a snowy base. So pretty.

99. Santa wishes everyone “Happy Holidays.”

This is a blue house with a red roof. And yes, it comes with a couple of trees. But the Santa on this one is adorable.

100. Almost every Christmas house should come with its own chimney.

This one has a tower and a chimney. Includes Christmas trees and a reindeer. So pretty.

Not So Great Tidings of Not Much Comfort and Joy Christmas Gift List (Third Edition)

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Now we come to the major retailers’ reason for the season, presents. Since it’s in the presents that all the incessant Christmas shopping and advertising is all about. So much so that you find companies advertising as early as October and stores decking the halls as early as November. Yet, looking for the perfect gift for that special someone during the holidays could be a challenge (unless those recipients are children). This is especially if they don’t tell you what they want outright or if you barely know the person. And don’t get me started for those who have to buy a Secret Santa gift where it’s basically one size fits all. However, there are plenty of gifts you most definitely shouldn’t give your loved ones and that’s where I come in. And let’s just say you find plenty of terrible gift ideas on the internet if you know where to look. Nevertheless, the bad gift ideas I look for aren’t the traditional ones like neckties, bathroom scales, or candles. But rather stuff that you’d best avoid unless you’re buying for someone you don’t like. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of holiday gift ideas you best not abide. By the way, some of these might not be safe for work.

  1. Wondermade Bourbon Marshmallows

Now you can have marshmallows that taste like booze. Why anyone would want that, I have no idea.

2. Desktop Basketball

Shoot hoops at the office with this fun desk game. All fun and games until the ball hits Jeff from accounting.

3. “I Am Not a Paper Cup…” Porcelain Cup

Here’s the perfect coffee cup for those who enjoy coffee and abhors cardboard. Comes with a silicon lid.

4. Reliance Luggable Loo

Bring the port a potty experience to your life with this. But during an outdoor camping trip in the woods. Because publicly relieving yourself on this won’t win you many friends.

5. Damn! Guy Talking Stress Ball

Because squeezing a talking stress ball is a great way to blow off steam. Prone to annoy co-workers for hours.

6. Tattly Watch Tattoos

That way, you can make yourself look like you’re wearing a watch but aren’t. Come in several different colors.

7. I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar: A Collection of Egregious Errors, Disconcerting Bloopers, and Other Linguistic Slip-Ups by Sharon Eliza Nichols

Enjoy countless hours of laughing at mistakes of those who fail at basic syntax. Fun for the whole family.

8. Jane Austen Tattoos

Give your Austen fan a way to look like a bad bitch with these tattoos. Tramp stamp not included since that’s just plain improper.

9. Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer

It’s the kind of gift that suggests, “I know you look at porn, Bob.” If you’re a woman, it’s a great way to tell your boss he’s a total creep. This is especially if he happens to be Louis C.K.

10. Santa Hat Hip Flask

Makes a handy way to store your eggnog for the office Christmas party. A must have for any Santa pub crawl.

11. Toe Tunes Slipper Speakers.

Spend endless hours dancing to music with these slippers. Also double as headphones. Okay, this is a prank pack. But it’s quite amusing.

12. Roulette Drinking Game

A way to gamble and get drunk during a party. Just like so many do in Las Vegas.

13. LED Light Up Cocktail Shaker

Best way to make cocktails at a rave. Though I’m sure James Bond would beg to differ.

14. Adulting Stickers

After all, children receive stickers for their achievements. So why not adults? Reward yourself with these stickers for mundane adulthood accomplishments.

15. Smart Water Bottle

The kind of gift that says, “I know you like to work out. Yet, you also lose a lot of important stuff.” Has a compartment for your keys, money, and credit cards.

16. Glitter Christmas Light Up Flashing LED Sunglasses

From B+C: “What lights up and will instantly turn you into the opposite of the grinch?” Think it as something Elton John would wear to a Christmas party.

17. Stone Cask Shot Flask

For those who wish to drink with sophistication. And probably have a drinking problem.

18. Animal Head Shot Glasses

These are the kind of shot glasses for a hunting party. Though they seem somewhat impossible to set down. Well, unless you remove the heads first.

19. Hot Seat Board Game

In this game, each player answers personal questions while pretending to be in the “hot seat.” Depending on the crowd, can result in lots of laughs, fights, relationship breakdowns, and possibly a lifetime of therapy.

20. Chambong

Down champagne like a fish with this Chambong glass. Though it might make you look like an idiot during more formal occasions.

21. Foodie Dice

Not sure what to make for dinner? Then foodie dice provides the answer. Though you can also check your fridge for leftovers, too.

22. Transparent Kitchen Safe

From B+C: “Protect your cookies from… people who apparently steal your cookies so often that you need a safe?” Try getting those chocolate chip cookies now, Cookie Monster.

23. BigMouth Inc German Shepherd Mask

From B+C: “Could the German Shepherd mask be the new creepy horse mask? Only time will tell.” Me: Absolutely.

24. Ta-Ta Towel

Because any woman could use a special towel to dry her boobs. Instead of like an actual towel she normally uses for drying everything.

25. Travel John Disposable Urinal

It’s the kind of gift for someone who can’t hold it in between rest stops. Not something you’d want to receive in a gift exchange.

26. Marie Antoilette Toilet Spray

It’s basically Poopourri for those who expect to be treated like royalty. Not sure if anyone would lose their head over this.

27. Sasswear Pink Star Light Up LED Pasties

Now you can go to a rave with light up pasties. Goes great with glow sticks or your Lady Gaga costume.

28. $100 Bill Toilet Paper

From Dodoburd: “This toilet paper is in the likeness of $100 bills, so you can feel like Bill Gates or Warren Buffett and take care of business with money instead of toilet paper. It’s a way to get a taste of the good life without having to manage a multi-billion dollar corporation.”

29. Demeter Pizza Perfume

Because there’s nothing more irresistible than smelling you just came out of a pizza shop. Whether that’s a good or bad thing is hard to say.

30. Chippendale Bottle Ring

And you can guess where the bottle goes. Yep, the place where the sun don’t shine.

31. Unzipped Bag Glass Bowl

Hold candy in a glass bowl that’s shaped like a plastic bag. Sure it’s not the best looking bowl. But hey, what do you know?

32. Pet Rock

These were a fad in the 1980s. I know it’s kind of hard to fathom that now.

33. Hot Dog Toaster

Toast hotdogs with your very own hotdog toaster. Though to be fair, you can always use a toaster oven.

34. NapSack Sleep Hood

Finally, something you can use to take a nap anywhere or anytime. Though you can just use a sleep mask. Nevertheless, this is a prank.

35. Turn and Churn Ice Cream Maker

With this you can make ice cream treats on your car. Okay, this another prank gift. But it’s so hysterical I couldn’t ignore it.

36. Eye Clock

It’s the kind of clock that will make people feel rather uncomfortable. I me an it’s a giant eye that always seems like watching you.

37. Fish Plug

It’s kind of disturbing if you think about it. Seems like a fish going down the drain.

38. Game of Thrones Themed Wine

Because what else could you give a Game of Thrones fan? Just make sure that special someone isn’t getting married. Since this is more appropriate for a red wedding.

39. Snake Eyes: A Nicholas Cage Activity Book

Includes puzzles pertaining to National Treasure and Raising Arizona. Still, who’d really want something like this is beyond me.

40. Raining Men Umbrella

Though funny, it’s not the kind of umbrella you’d want in 2017. Seriously, have you heard of all the sexual misconduct allegations?

41. Chuao Baconluxurious Chocolate

It’s a chocolate bar with bacon. Though people love both bacon and chocolate, that doesn’t mean the two should be together.

42. Craftsman Beer Soap Sampler

Yes, they all smell like different kinds of beer. Now you can get yourself clean and smell like you’ve walked out of a bar.

43. Bakon Vodka

Because your cocktail drink should always taste of breakfast. I know, it’s pretty disgusting.

44. Bald Man’s Comb

You know, the kind of comb a bald guy uses. Notice the combs are on the ends.

45. Trim Beard Oil and Shampoo

From B+C: “Decorative beards and mustaches are definitely here to stay, so give that guy in your life the products he needs to keep things tidy.” Still, I’m a woman, and even I don’t like receiving hygiene products. I’m sure guys would feel the same.

46. Outlaw Soaps Fire in the Hole Solid Cologne

It’s cologne meant to smell of a campfire. And it’s said to be explosively awesome. Like you’ve just been to a bonfire and now smell literally like smoke.

47. Canned Air from Singapore

Really? Canned air? I’m sure it’s just a whole can of nothing. Air is air no matter where it comes from.

48. Crime Scene Scarf

It’s the kind of gift that says, “I didn’t know what to give you this year. But I heard you enjoyed Law and Order. So there.”

49. Dad Bag Beer Belly Fanny Pack

Look, I don’t mean to offend. But a beer belly fanny pack is disturbing. By the way, I know the British definition of a “fanny pack” but that’s what I call it.

50. Fake Tampon Flasks

Now women can sneak in booze with flasks that resemble what they stick up their butt during their time of the month. Yeah, I know that’s gross.

51. Earwax Candle Kit

Yes, it’s a kit in which you make candles with the stuff in your ears. Fortunately it’s one of those prank boxes. So it’s not as truly disgusting as the image depicts.

52. Electric Wine Bottle Opener

Look, I understand an electric bottle opener’s useful. But I’m not sure if it’s something you give someone. Besides, a regular corkscrew works just as well.

53. Emergency Inflatable Brain

You’re supposed to use it to replace it when your brain goes wrong as far the description says. Except you can’t really replace your brain. And this is just a plastic balloon.

54. Wood Wick Fireside Candles

It’s a candle that cackles like a fireplace for those who don’t have them. Still, think it’s kind of stupid.

55. Flying Alarm Clock

Okay, that’s guaranteed to cause some injury. Should probably buy something else for secret Santa.

56. Smore Slippers

Makes you seem like you have gooey feet. But they’re not necessarily ideal outdoor wear either.

57. iDrive Mobile Device Mount

It’s supposed to hold your iPad while you’re in the car. Perfect when you’re stuck in traffic. Actually it’s a prank pack so it’s probably too good to be true.

58. A Jar of Nothing

A great to tell your Secret Santa you hate them. Because there’s nothing in this jar.

59. Drake Underwear

It’s a pair of underwear with Drake’s face on it. Since my sister did a portrait of him in high school, I feel rather tempted to give her one of these.

60. Nature Dick Pics 2018 Calendar

It’s a calendar featuring pictures of natural features that resemble male genitalia. So you can spend all month arguing how some National Monument looks like a penis.

61. Brookstone Virtual Keyboard

From Refinery29: “The kind of people who like to text in full paragraphs do not need any encouragement, please.” Costs $89.

62. Sharper Image Adjustable Tablet Stand

From Refinery29: “For those moments when lying around with your tablet is still too much effort.” Available at $159.00.

63. Brookstone Desk Elliptical Trainer

From Refinery29: “For the exercise-averse who are also people-averse.” Available at $109.

64. Infectious Disease Ball

From Refinery29: “If you don’t have trypophobia already, you will after squeezing one of these things and watching the “blisters protrude from the bag.” Blech.” Disgusting indeed.

65. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez CD Clock

From Refinery29: “Ever wonder what happened with the world’s supply of CD-ROMs? A man named Dick in Chicago turned them into clocks and is now marketing them to our youth.” Besides, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez aren’t together anymore.

66. Hop Balls Adult Jumping Ball

From Refinery29: “This is a toy that will get you arrested for playing in public.” Still, looks like fun.

67. SkyMall Posture Corrector

From Refinery29: “Like a firm hand on your back forcing you to sit up straighter — all the time.” Doesn’t look comfortable.

68. Lillian Vernon Knit Sweater and Hat Bottle Toppers

Refinery29: “Transform that tacky bottle of three-buck Chuck you’re gifting this season into the most festive bunch of barrel-chested revelers you ever did see!” Perfect for any ugly sweater party. Or not.

69. Oscar Mayer Bacon Gift Set

From Refinery29: “Who wouldn’t want a handsome, velveteen box — with engraved money clip or 9-in-1 tool — just bursting with sodium nitrate?” Uh, me.

70. Dance and Embrace Spirit Candles

From Refinery29: “Don’t you love when the lights are out, you’re burning your favorite candle, and it slowly melts to reveal a cluster of wraiths trapped in a ghostly embrace?” Okay, that’s really creepy.

71. High Heel Tape Dispenser

The office gift exchange item that enhances your desk’s tackiness. Still, I really don’t know what to think of this.

72. 12 Inch Classic Dammit Doll

It’s for stress relief which you can squeeze. Yet, in an age of Trump, you better go with a voodoo doll.

73. Ant Lollipops

They’re pastel lollipops with ants in them. Try licking these without wanting to puke.

74. Babe Cave Pillow

Because while a guy has his man cave, a woman needs a space of her own. Still, this is pretty tacky.

75. Bathroom Guest Book

That way, you can always know which people outside your home use the bathroom. Still, this is something I’d want if I have celebrities at my home.

76. Brooklyn Pet House

Now your pet can experience the blessings of overpriced housing. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

77. Bar Bell

Think of it as a lazy way to get someone to serve you a drink. But ring too many times and they’ll refuse.

78. Bear Mop Slippers

That way, you can clean the floors as you walk. They may be cute, but would anyone ask for these?

79. “I Pee in Pools” Cap

A great way to remind your friend why you don’t invite them to pool parties anymore. Though a cap of “I Poop in Pools” would be worse.

80. Public Toilet Survival Kit

Includes disposable gloves, antiseptic wipes, and a toilet seat cover. Perfect for the germaphobe in your life.

81. Dog Vomit Scented Candle

For nothing refreshes the room like your dog puking on the floor. Disgusting.

82. Richard Simmons Prayer Candle

Now you can light a candle to worship the patron saint of fitness. Though that might make your loved one say, “Who’s Richard Simmons?”

83. Inflatable Beard

Sure it’s supposed to make a man look like a Civil War general. Well, a Civil War general from cheap battle reenactment.

84. Instant Underpants

Just add water and you have a new pair of tidy whiteys. Actually, I’m not sure if this works.

85. Lisa Frank Makeup Brush

It’s basically the kind of makeup brush every young woman wanted when she was 6. She may like it, but is getting this a good idea?

86. Medical Marijuana Cigar Box

The kind of box you use to sneak some of those joints in. Except in Colorado, Washington State, and Massachusetts.

87. Biohazard Tape Dispenser

It’s for getting people to stay away from the messes you make. Like when your dog pukes on the carpet. Or does its business on the carpet.

88. Paris Hilton Siren Eau De Parfum Spray

Remember Paris Hilton? Here’s a perfume of hers. Prepare to reek of rich bitch with no brains or talent.

89. Paper Voodoo Doll

Because why stick pins into a doll while you can use a pencil for a paper one. Perfect for anyone suffering through the Trump administration. Like me.

90. Cast Away Wilson Volleyball

For the friend who lives far removed from civilization that he’s willing to make conversation with inanimate objects. Based on the Tom Hanks movie.

91. Nicholas Cage Rainbow Pillow

Yes, we all love to make fun of Nic Cage. He just has that intense stare. Though his career has never recovered since the 1990s.

92. Bear Oven Mitts

For a real beast in the kitchen. Good for protecting hands as well as letting everyone know who really gets the cookies.

93. Bigfoot Research Kit

Includes everything you need to find Sasquatch. Consists of stickers, a membership card, evidence flags, booklet, magnifier, seat bags, and more. Like you’ll ever find the guy.

94. Silk Suit Pajamas

Now your man can be ready for business time and bed. Though the sweat band kind of detracts.

95. Illumibowl Motion Activated Bathroom Light

So if you have to go at night, you don’t need to turn on the light in the bathroom. Useful but not desirable.

96. Splat Stan Coaster

From White Elephant Rules: “This rubber coaster makes it look like you’re crushing a little man with your coffee cup. Who wouldn’t enjoy that?”

97. Tiffany’s Crazy Straw

These are crazy straws for adults which costs $350. Certainly a rip off for the ages.

98. Throne Spray

From B+C: “As the dudes at Manready Mercantile describe, the idea behind this product was to ‘keep restrooms smelling like royalty.’ One question: When did restrooms ever smell like royalty? All reasonable questions aside, this citrus-inspired scent would be a welcome change in the loo.”

99. Weener Kleener Soap

It’s a man soap for his privates. A subtle way to tell your boyfriend that he has sweaty, smelly, and grimy junk.

100. The Very Best of David Hasselhoff CD

Since when did David Hasselhoff have a music career? Nevertheless, it probably sounds as good as anything by William Shatner or Terry Bradshaw.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas, on Vintage Christmas Cards (Fourth Edition)

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Another familiar Christmas tradition that has endured is the Christmas card which people still send to each other during the holiday season. Though not to the same degree they once did like in the Victorian Era which saw the earliest ones. Actually the Victorian Era was a time when Christmas really became a big deal in much of the western world. Now some of these cards might evoke the kind of Christmas ideals you might imagine in a Dickens novel. But some of these seem to defy all explanation. Others will totally creep you out. Whereas many will embody both characteristics. Then there are some from the early 1900s that don’t do much better. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy vintage Christmas cards your great grandparents didn’t want you to see.

  1. These cat musicians bring you tidings of good cheer.

Though to be honest, would you really want to listen to cats sing? Didn’t think so.

2. Christmas is the time of year to call your wife a prize package.

Though calling one’s wife a “prize package” seems kind of sexist. Well, as far as this card is concerned.

3. Santa wishes you a Merry Christmas by jet.

Okay, this is from a Soviet card. But still, this makes Santa look rather Godzilla sized. Guess reindeer magic can only go so far.

4. “Hurrah for Jolly Christmas, with all sorts of toys!”

However, I wouldn’t say the same for the goose. Since it’s being chased by a bunch of kids. One of whom wields a knife.

5. While ice skating, you’ll find Santa under the mistletoe.

Look, I know what mistletoe means in these vintage things. The answer is “No.”

6. “Care to sit on my lap, sweetie?”

I don’t like where Santa has his finger on this kid. Dear Lord, someone please call the police!

7. Compliments of the season from a monkey painting a dog’s portrait.

Well, at least the dog stands like a statue. However, I don’t see monkeys as having much artistic talent. But you never know.

8. Santa salutes those in space.

Another Soviet Christmas card. Nevertheless, note how the cosmonaut’s riding the rocket.

9. Merry Christmas from the cats on the bed.

And it seems like the dark cat wants to get frisky. But the white cat has other ideas. Also, are undressing?

10. May cycling owls bestow on you warm Christmas greetings.