The Funerary World of Coffins

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It is often said that funerals are more meant for the living than the deceased since it involves saying goodbye to a loved one. Of course, this year, I had to attend my grandfather’s funeral on the week of my birthday back in January. Now while it’s hard to deal with his loss for me and anyone else in my family, his death wasn’t much of a shock since he was 89 years old. Nevertheless, funerals are often big business since death is an inevitable part of the human existence. I mean sooner or later we’re all going to die. So we might as well get used to it. Funerals are a ritual in which we celebrate a recently dead person’s life before we send them on their way to the great beyond. Oftentimes this would involve embalming the person’s body and sticking them in a ludicrously expensive box known as a casket or coffin. For the next few days that body is on display for a viewing until just before the funeral in which they’re often shipped away to a place of worship and later the cemetery and six feet under. Normally a coffin is a long rectangular (or hexagonal) wooden (or metal) box which often contains a cloth liner and a pillow. Yet, there are some custom coffins out there which can be a little creative, which is where I come in. So for your reading pleasure, I give you an assortment of crazy coffins you’ll probably never see at anyone’s funeral. Enjoy.

  1. If your late nana always wanted to take a cruise but couldn’t, you might want to bury her in this.

There is a place in Ghana where they make custom made coffins like this. I guess this is for someone who worked on a cruise ship.

2. With a coffin like this, your dead pilot can reach the heavens in no time.

So what if it doesn’t actually fly. It’s just perfect for that one co-pilot on a flight to that great destination in the sky.

3. For a departed ballerina, a slipper casket will do.

Might be for Nina from Black Swan after she fatally stabbed herself. But it’s more likely for a dance teacher or choreographer.

4. Seems like John was a snooker man.

Because the balls here are all one color. Had he played pool, he would’ve been in more trouble a lot earlier.

5. Looks like this casket is bent over.

It’s actually a sitting coffin designed by surrealist Rene Magritte. You know him for his freaky paintings with the guy’s head behind an apple.

6. If you’re in a casket like this, it’s always hammer time.

That or it’s a perfect sendoff for a someone who was a real tool. Still, you don’t want to nail it in too hard.

7. Now this is a perfect send off for a real mother hen.

This is weird looking chicken. But I guess the deceased was a farmer. Though you can’t count them until they hatch.

8. This pink fish coffin is designed for those who let the big one get away.

Well, I guess there are pink fish in Africa. Still, talk about a fish out of water.

9. Of course, these coffins can give you the “fun” in funeral.

These one stand up and have faces on them. Not sure if they help ease the grieving process.

10. Your Uncle Stan may not be able to take his hot rod with him, but this is the next best thing.

I guess this casket didn’t come cheap. Then again, none of these do.

11. I’m guessing this was custom made for a woman.

Because it has boobs on it. Still, women have been buried in regular caskets for like ever.

12. For a funeral in Aspen, may I recommend an Alpine sendoff.

Well, this doesn’t seem too expensive. Just put the corpse in a bag and tie them to a sled with skis.

13. Now poor Charlie is literally in the jaws of death.

Yes, this is a shark coffin. I know what you’re thinking. But come on, I had to include one of these on my post.

14. Seems like this casket is someone’s key for the afterlife.

Though you’d be press to find a door it can unlock. Yet, it’s quite clever and simpler than some of the other designs.

15. A fancy car coffin should send you to that high end club in the sky.

Yes, there are coffins of cars, too. And this one’s windows are lined to give the dead person privacy.

16. There’s nothing like one last smoke before final departure.

Ever want to guess what killed this person. I think I have an idea. I mean it’s shaped like a cigarette so it’s practically obvious.

17. Before you go to the great beyond, remember to give us a call.

Turns out this Blackberry coffin has its own cover. Though the deceased is never calling back.

18. You’d find this casket rather reflective.

Well, it’s made from mirrors. Then again, light might bounce off of it if it’s a particularly sunny day.

19. How about be buried in a fancy eco-coffin?

These are cardboard coffins that disintegrate with the corpse over time. And they come in a variety of patterns.

20. If you’re on the highway to hell, why not have flames on your casket?

Yes, it certainly looks badass. Yet, you’d have to wonder who’d want to be buried in this.

21. Seems like fins are sticking out.

Actually the shark fins are part of the casket. Gives a more badass touch so to speak.

22. A Nintendo fan wouldn’t leave without their controls.

Sure the controls won’t work. But that doesn’t matter where this guy’s going.

23. He always wanted to go out with a bang.

Let’s hope that whatever this coffin looks like didn’t get him there. Because we all know what guns do to people.

24. How about you take your final trip in a convertible?

Well, you may not be able to get dates in it. Unless they happen to be among the choirs of angels.

25. You can say Brad lit up everyone’s lives.

That or he was a renowned electrician. Then again, even electricians will eventually burn out.

26. This eagle casket will certainly send your loved one soaring.

I have to admit, it has really nice feathers. Still, it’s more of a totem figure than anything.

27. For this deceased, it’s all 7s.

I guess this guy never had this much luck at a slot machine. Because no one ever does.

28. I guess who’s ever in there was a real basket case.

This is a wicker coffin and yes, it’s said to be eco friendly. Wonder if the Israelites put a dead Moses in one and sent him down the river. Oh, wait, they were in the desert. But it would’ve been an appropriate funeral for him.

29. If you’re in this coffin, chances are you’ll meet the Doctor at another time.

Well, I’m sure Doctor Who fans would want to be buried in this. Hope they don’t run into any Daleks along the way.

30. Your loved one will be camping forever in this one.

After all, people did camp in such trailers back in the day. And the windows have striped curtains.

31. Guess this woman is doing a solo on someone’s casket.

Well, it’s shaped like a large guitar. Yet, it’s a perfect sendoff for any well-known rock star.

32. Perhaps you might want a perfect picture of the afterlife.

This is a Canon. I’m sure it doesn’t work. But it certainly looks state of the art.

33. Send off your dead loved one in a casket of luxury.

By the way, this is what Michael Jackson’s coffin looked like. I’m sure it didn’t come cheap.

34. A boat motor coffin is perfect for whatever floats your boat.

Why a motor? Doesn’t make sense to me. Also does it float when you put it on the water?

35. A glass coffin always makes death transparent.

For some reason, I find the glass coffin idea kind of creepy. Must be due to Snow White, I guess.

36. If you want to make a statement, get buried in neon.

Now that’s my kind of coffin. Love the metallic stripes on it. So pretty.

37. Seems like a late DJ can drop a few beats.

Yet, I’m sure the club in the sky will have a very good selection. In fact, many of the musicians themselves are there.

38. Who’s said that a coffin should fit one when this fits 3?

There’s actually a sad story behind this one. So I won’t recall it. But yes, these do exist.

39. If you want a custom made coffin, this seems like a good fit.

Seems more like a containment chamber than a coffer. But hey, to each his own.

40. With this coffin, you can play video games for all eternity.

I’m sure plenty of people would want that. Yet, how can you play video games if you’re dead?

41. Instead of just a box, how about add a box kite?

After all, death should be a time when one should fly. Because death is always forever.

42. Perhaps it’s best to bury him the way they found him.

I guess they have a crime scene coffin, too. Not sure if that’s right. But it looks pretty funny.

43. For those who love beer, it’s an honor to be buried in a Pabst blue label.

Hope this person didn’t die from liver cirrhosis. Because alcoholism is a major problem right now.

44. This coffin was made for a real NASCAR sendoff.

Yet, if you want the real thing, make sure it crashes and burns into another coffin just like it. Not sure if that’s possible though.

45. This Twix coffin was built for 2.

Because Twix come in packs of 2. Hope you can get the picture here.

46. Lie in this coffin and nobody will forget you.

This is another Ghana coffin. Notice that it’s more in a traditional style.

47. You’d almost think this coffin was somebody’s dream house.

Well, sort of. But it certainly has a nice roof and porch to it. Love it.

48. This guy must’ve been a real monkey wrench back in his day.

Well, at least that one was easier to make than the hammer. But I wonder how you’d bury it.

49. Nothing makes a great send off than lying in a flamboyant lizard.

Well, if you can’t get buried in a dinosaur, then this must be the next best thing. But it’s still pretty cool.

50. Now this is how you pay tribute to an American hero.

Too bad the military just sticks with regular wooden coffins and draped flags. This seems more appropriate.

51. A dead piano player has to lie in this classy coffin.

This one even has keys on the side. Sure they don’t work, but it’s quite grand.

52. Looks like this coffin has received a lot of signage.

Though signing one’s casket isn’t usually a funerary tradition. Then again, to each his own.

53. An ocean lover would certainly would like to lie in this squid.

Then again, they’s probably prefer fish. But this seems like it can float one’s boat.

54. How about the porcelain treatment?

It’s just a wooden box with porcelain designs. Seems more appropriate for a china closet than 6 feet under.

55. This Nikon coffin is very state of the art.

Even resembles a real camera. May not take pretty pictures. But doesn’t look half bad.

56. Any last concessions?

I mean it’s a concession stand casket. But Quaker is the only brand I recognize.

57. How about a call back with this Nokia coffin?

This one even has a video screen. And I also hear it’s rather indestructible, too.

58. Ever wish you can be buried in your yacht? Now you can.

Well, sort of. Doesn’t quite resemble a yacht. But it’ll probably cost you an arm and a leg.

59. Bet you’re sure where this train car is going to take you.

Well, it more or less resembles a passenger car, not an engine. Because I couldn’t find the train engine. But this works.

60. Wonder how well this coffins projects this person’s life.

Then again, it seems this person worked at a movie theater. Though the reels don’t have film.

61. Seems like the fine wine has gone to vinegar in this casket.

Still, it’s kind of strange to have a bottle in the cask. Like the guy is a bottle.

62. He who’s buried in the remote controls all.

And this is for a Philips DVD player. All right, but you can’t push the buttons.

63. If you can’t be buried in your luxury ride, this luxury coffin will do.

Sure it might be real nice on the inside. But the only trip this thing will take you is 6 feet under.

64. Never thought you could be buried in a vise.

After all, a vise isn’t among the cool tools out there. Still, I wonder if it has any adjustments.

65. Wouldn’t necessarily call it a walkman. More like a lie-man.

Well, it’s in the shape of a walkman which people haven’t used for years. It’s kind of like an obsolete mp3 player.

66. Imagine yourself lying dead inside this scary lobster.

Well, that’s a gruesome lobster coffin. Definitely don’t want to be buried in that.

67. You’ll probably burn being buried in a red hot chili pepper.

You’d think this place in Ghana would make coffins of just about anything. Not surprised by this.

68. If you’re holy, you’d might want a coffin of biblical proportions.

Even has gold leaf on the pages and title. Just like a Bible should. But you’ll only find a body in this one.

69. In this coffin, you can write your own eternity.

Heard they have one that’s specifically for her. As if women haven’t been using these for decades.

70. Perhaps you might opt for a Venetian sendoff.

Because in Venice, they travel through canal boats since a lot of their streets are waterways. Though don’t ask for a gondola to sing for you there.

71. I guess this guy lying here was a bit of an old timer.

After all, it’s the kind of car you’d see on Downton Abbey. Still, whoever’s in that coffin better be old.

72. This gives a whole new meaning to “one foot in the grave.”

And it seems to be a Nike sneaker in this case. Even has its own laces.

73. The iDie brings the latest in funerary technology.

Something tells me that Steve Jobs was buried in this. I mean he invented the thing.

74. Now this coffin appears as pretty as a peacock.

Well, it certainly has a vivid feather train. And the man who made it is very proud of himself.

75. This turtle coffin takes the slow course to the cemetery.

Though you have to admire the shell shades on this one. Colors really go together.

76. How about a beer coffin by the bottle?

Guess this is a Ghana brand. Yet, “Club Beer” is hardly an original name if you ask me.

77. This coffin seems to have money all over it.

Guess this will be Donald Trump’s coffin when he dies. Because money seems to be among the few things that matter to him.

78. Uh, isn’t that bag a bit too large for carry-on luggage.

Caption: “Student Kirsten stands next to a coffin looking like a travel bag in a museum in Kassel, central Germany, Thursday, June 9, 2005. The exhibition called “crazy coffins” contains 16 different coffins and is open from June 9 to September 4.”

79. You’ve heard of rolling in Benjamins. How about lying in them?

Yes, this coffin is a stack of money. Only meant for the 1% who basically take it from the rest of us day in and day out.

80. A fallen deer hunter should always receive this special treatment.

Bet my neighbors will get a kick out of this. It even includes camo coffin liner.

81. May you lie in your final resting spot well grilled to perfection.

Now this’ll make your next summer barbeque an awkward experience. But I think it’s quite amusing.

82. Sometimes one might want to go with a more concept coffin design.

Basically it says that one’s deceased loved one was basically like leftover restaurant food. Come on, that totally is styrofoam.

83. Even in death you should always put your best foot forward.

This one is a more manly shoe. And it has been shine you can see yourself in it.

84. Hop aboard this plane for great luxury seating arrangements.

Too bad it only sits one. But at least the pink lining goes with the blue paint.

85. Perhaps you shouldn’t mind lying exposed sometimes.

Not sure why they have a coffin like this. Still, you can open it behind the boobs.

86. A dead fisherman should be sent off in this big beauty.

Yes, it’s my third fish coffin on this post. And yes, it’s pink. But it a white stripe on its belly.

87. How’d you like to be in this bottle of Coca Cola?

It even stands up on its own, too. Anyway, wouldn’t want to be in there.

88. This Hello Kitty coffin is a rather girly delight.

Actually it’s kind of creepy. I mean Hello Kitty is for little girls. Little girls stuff shouldn’t be on coffins.

89. For a majestic soul, you might want to lie in this lion coffin.

This one seems to take a lot of craftsmanship. Check out the detail on that mane.

90. This coffin was brought to you by Ghana Air.

Yes, I had to include this one. Because that’s where a lot of these outrageous coffins were made.

91. If you’re in Sergeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band, try this coffin for size.

Bob must’ve been a die hard Beatles fan to be buried in this coffin. Yet, 2 of the guys on the side are still alive.

92. With this Viking boat coffin, you can give your loved one a send off fit for a warrior.

Just make sure you set it on fire as you set it on the water. Because that’s what happens at a Viking funeral.

93. How’d you like to be buried in a bottle of Jack Daniels?

Bet that would be fine with people who’d eventually die from Jack Daniels. Like Frank Sinatra for instance.

94. Well, since your funeral is a final sendoff, you might as well go with this.

Sure it depicts Da Vinci’s Last Supper. But c’mon, it’s a Renaissance masterpiece for God’s sake.

95. May this Tupperware coffin always keep your remains fresh.

After all, Hannibal Lecter has given these good reviews on Amazon. Okay, I’m getting a little too weird here.

96. This Panasonic coffin can always capture the moment.

Well, it would certainly give you a moment you’d remember. Because most coffins aren’t shaped like cameras at all.

97. Be buried in a way that’s fitting to any Starfleet officer.

Notice that it’s yellow for a command officer. Because redshirt bodies are normally left behind on the planet.

98. Seems like someone was murdered in here.

Actually that’s part of the casket. I know someone has a very sick sense of humor.

99. Seems like this nurse has had her last shot.

And they’re apparently burying her in a hypodermic needle. Quite fitting if you ask me.

100. You can easily sit on this casket if you want to.

It’s made to resemble a bench. Even has a leather lid you can sit on. Imagine that.

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Fantastic Amazon Reviews Well Worth Your Time

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In the age of the internet, Amazon has emerged as the default retail outlet offering everything from books, gadgets, toys, and what have you. It also helps that before you make your purchase, you can read what other people have to say about a product in its review section. Each review can come with a 1-5 star rating along with an explanation. Most of these reviews can provide rather useful information even if they tend to be boring to read. Though they may not always be reliable since everyone has an individual bias. But there are some merchandise on Amazon that have rather entertaining reviews you can read just for kicks. Of course, some of them aren’t meant to be taken seriously, especially if they’re written by a person who didn’t purchase the product at all, perhaps to point out a fault and mock it. Yet, there are always some who might not simply understand the product’s purpose at all. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a grand treasure trove of Amazon reviews that will be well worth your time. I insist. Some of these might not be safe for work, by the way.

  1. This gas mask might not be ideal gear for an armed robbery.

Of course, it wouldn’t. The product description makes it perfectly clear it’s for a Halloween costume and isn’t supposed to function like a real gas mask. But this reviewer didn’t get the memo.

2. If you don’t have strawberry jam, this lube will do just fine.

However, strawberry lube isn’t a viable substitute for jam. Because lube isn’t made for human consumption. Well, it is, but I can’t get into that.

3. A stainless steel tongue cleaner is perfect for any dirty mouth.

It’s only fitting that many of these reviews are for ridiculous products. This one says how great their tongue has been since they tried it.

4. Can’t afford this $120,000 TV, you might qualify for financing.

Okay, this guy is just making fun of how this TV costs more than a car. Like what he says about the box he now lives in.

5. Dexter Morgan rated this stainless steel prep table 5 stars.

Still, if you’re a guy like Dexter Morgan, you shouldn’t review products on Amazon. I mean he’s basically giving himself away here.

6. For a Florida photographer, everything about this Sigma zoom lens is great except for the color.

Since it weighs 40 lbs and resembles a missile, you can clearly see why. Still, you would think it would come in black or gray like most camera gear.

7. You know you have good noise cancelling headphones, if you can’t hear your neighbor getting stabbed when wearing them.

Nevertheless, I’d be even more impressed if it pertained to someone getting shot. Because even with noise canceling headphones it would be hard not to hear a gun go off.

8. Uh, I don’t think I’d drink that Tuscan Whole Milk if I were you.

Actually, I think this review is a joke on how ridiculous it is to buy food online. The milk is obviously spoiled that it’s practically cheese. Disgusting.

9. Unfortunately, this Playmobil security checkpoint set doesn’t capture the real life experience.

The fact toys like this exists today really says a lot about our culture. Still, it’s funny how this kid wants a Playmobil neighborhood surveillance system.

10. Apparently, this account of Wagner’s Ring Cycle will satisfy any opera fan.

I think this person writes this review in order to put in a few sex jokes. Yes, “Penetrating Wagner’s Ring,” really?

11. Aspiring to be a dictator of a 3rd world country? Amazon has just the tank for you.

Actually this is just a $20,000 toy because civilians aren’t allowed to even own a real tank. Nor should they.

12. This classic cremation urn is perfect for storing your loved one’s ashes or brown sugar.

However, storing brown sugar in a cremation urn to play jokes on your friends is just sick. Also, I can tell ashes and brown sugar apart, thank you very much.

13. A pair of Zubaz pants can always make  you feel like a man.

I don’t know about you, but I find these zebra pants outrageously tacky. Seriously, this guy has no idea how ridiculous these look.

14. For the love of God, don’t ever buy this zombie garden gnome.

I’m sure this zombie garden gnome is perfectly harmless. Why? Because gnomes are sculptures that don’t come to life.

15. According to this guy, using this toilet brush was absolute agony.

Uh, I don’t think he understands that people use a toilet brush to clean their toilet. Not wipe their butt with it.

16. Sometimes a Rubbermaid ice cube tray can make all the difference.

Okay, this review might come from someone who may have a problem. Even said how they threw away their old trays into an active volcano.

17. When using this no-crow rooster collar, proceed with caution.

From reading this, it appears this thing actually chokes the rooster wearing it for a long period of time. Talk about a device that’s cruel to animals.

18. Barbasol shaving cream is perfect for corporate espionage operations.

The review seems to come from a guy straight out of Jurassic Park. Also, I’m sure he’ll probably regret transporting those dinosaur embryos.

19. Mace brand bear pepper spray isn’t always 100% effective.

Uh, are you sure you aimed at the bear correctly? Because according to HowStuffWorks, bear spray is effective about 92-98% of the time. However, you have to spray the bear in the face.

20. Avery Durable Binder is great for storing women away.

This is a play on the Mitt Romney comment of “binders full of women” back in 2012. Yes, good times.

21. A lined cat muzzle will sure keep your kitty from staring at you awkwardly and eating.

Other than being possibly cruel to animals, this guy gave it a positive review. Though he might want to let his cat eat and breathe once in awhile.

22. Apparently, this watch doesn’t tell the time like this user wants it to.

For God’s sake, 1.3 milliseconds is nothing. Also, this guy seems to resort to really sick means of timekeeping which I can’t describe right now.

23. Sorry, but a coat rack won’t solve your relationship issues.

Seriously, this guy needs to move on. Also, what the hell does he think a coat rack is supposed to do?

24. A plastic desktop fan does a wonderful job keeping a man’s junk cool.

Still, I don’t think it’s this fan’s intended purpose. Also, why would a guy need to keep his junk cool? I don’t understand it.

25. Speaking of a man’s junk, best to avoid using veet on it.

I think this was made for men’s faces, not their private parts. And this guy just had to warn everyone.

26. Cheeseburger earmuffs will surely keep you warm.

I’d like to see a picture to get some idea on what the hamburger earmuffs looked like. But the description is fine by me.

27. Easy bake oven doesn’t bake anything right.

For God’s sake, is this person an idiot? The Easy Bake Oven is a toy, not an appliance! You can’t bake a loaf of bread in it.

28. Seems like someone’s complaining how this case can’t contain their pelican.

They don’t seem to get that Pelican is a brand name. It doesn’t say it’s a case for pelicans which it isn’t. But this person didn’t see it that way.

29. This $22,000 camera cost this person everything, but it was worth it.

$22,000 for a camera, that’s insane. User said it cost them 4 years rent and now has a restraining order against their kids due to gross negligence. Well, no shit.

30. Forever Lazy suits are great for couples who can’t get their hands off each other and those who gave up on life.

I can’t see why a fleece onesie would be sexy. Though the notion it can almost set a house on fire doesn’t surprise me.

31. According to this guy, this Bible doesn’t work at all.

Apparently, this person doesn’t get the idea of prayer. Sure he might want a Porsche or a burger. But you can’t take Scripture literally for God’s sake. Jesus Christ!

32. This $90,000 Zenith watch is a real bargain.

I’m sure this is a person who has more money than God. Because a normal person wouldn’t blow $90,000 on a watch and be able to afford a car or a vacation.

33. This book basically spoils everything on the cover and isn’t fun to read.

That’s because it was written for babies. Of course, you wouldn’t find it of any literary value.

34. Blowing all your money on these Nike foam sneakers is well worth the wait.

I know this is a joke. But spending $3,000 for shoes is obscene, especially if it provides the same kind of comfort as a pair costing $60.

35. These Bic Pens for Her have made this housewife a whole new woman.

I guess this is a play on Bic’s ridiculous idea as if women couldn’t write until they got their own pens. Besides, as a woman, I’ve used regular Bic pens for years.

36. This UFO Detector doesn’t work and isn’t worth the money.

I’m sure this UFO detector is more of a toy than anything. Because if it was used to detect UFOs, MIB would already have one.

37. Seems like sugar free gummi bears are a perpetual nightmare.

Uh, I’ve probably ate about 20 of these myself at one point. Nothing like that has happened to me at all. This is just insane.

38. For a 21st century workout, try this smart floor exerciser.

The mention of the NSA in this review cracked me up. But yes, this is a ridiculous product.

39. I’m sure you’re not supposed to go camping in this pyramid.

Because it’s not a tent. It’s for meditation in the outdoors. But try telling it to this guy.

40. Seaweed extract can rid you of house ghosts and cure your cat’s autism.

I guess this person knows this is a scam product that’s full of shit. But the review is funny.

41. This Kindle waterproof case cover does its job.

However, this customer didn’t seem quite satisfied with using it. Because they didn’t expect it to work so well.

42. This chastity device will keep your boy from jerking off when he hits puberty.

Look, I know men talk about their junk too much. But I totally understand if they think it’s a torture device.

43. Seems like this guy had no idea there were cheaper TVs available.

I’m like “no shit,” since my parents have a smart Samsung one that cost considerably less money. So I can’t blame the guy’s wife for kicking him out.

44. These Rubbermaid ice cube trays can change everything.

For some reason, people seem to view these ice cube trays as a lifesaver. Not sure why.

45. This banana slicer has saved this woman’s marriage.

For God’s sake, it’s a freaking banana slicer! It’s not a miracle device! It’s just used for slicing bananas like no big deal.

46. This USB cable works too fast.

Funny, cause excessive speed in a cable wouldn’t be what I’d complain about. Though the user gave the product 2 stars.

47. This horse head mask has saved lives.

Really? This is for looking silly, not for witness protection. Besides, it’s inspired by a key scene in The Godfather.

48. With Veet for Men, his farts are louder than before.

I guess Veet for Men is as ridiculous as a ballpoint pen for women. Still, I’m sure its Amazon page is fun to read.

49. If you need to learn English as a second language, this is the book for you.

I don’t think this is written by a real Russian. But it’s quite funny as hell.

50. Why waste toilet paper, when this bidet spray clean your butt better?

Sometimes you have to wonder if people are too open about their bodily functions. Still, not sure if I’d want this.

51. With a Swiss Army knife like this, a woman can turn into a man.

I wouldn’t go that far. But I see this woman’s point. Yet, no one could fit that in their pockets.

52. Apparently, a dinosaur T-shirt can get a guy to go too far.

It’s even funnier when you find out that the person’s son is a 29-year-old man. But yeah, don’t stick eggs up your ass. Please.

53. While this product works, you’d think this guy should’ve left his wife a long time ago.

Reading this you’d have to wonder about this guy. Tattoo remover or not, this guy’s wife was going to kick him out either way.

54. This lighter fluid review just states the obvious.

Well, at least it states what you can find in the product information. Not much else I can say.

55. Hulk hands won’t get you out of a life or death situation.

People don’t buy Hulk hands for fighting. Though it’s funny to know that the reviewer describes a schoolyard bullying scene and he’s in college.

56. This stun gun will defend you from potential muggers in the Walmart parking lot.

When you actually read this, you realize this guy is a real asshole. I mean he tried to electrocute a bunch of Girl Scouts.

57. Now here is a cookbook for those who give up on life.

I guess when people read this book, they think of those who’ll probably die alone. Yeah, kind of depressing.

58. This waterproof bluetooth speaker sure lives up to its description.

And this person says it’s quite indestructible, too. Because they said their father-in-law’s survived a tornado.

59. This penguin mask will surely scare the kiddies.

Yes, it’s kind of creepy. But what the hell, it could be fun if you like scaring people.

60. A bottle of glitter can be used for more than arts and crafts.

Apparently, from this review, it makes a handy security system. But this guy’s roommate wasn’t impressed.

61. A USB port for multiple devices can solve a lot of problems.

Yet, crippling alcoholism and an unhealthy obsession with Dakota Fanning will certainly wreck this relationship. This couple is really screwed up.

62. This silent wired mouse has saved at least one relationship.

Uh, I don’t think this guy should celebrate yet. Seriously, his girlfriend is literally cheating on him.

63. No, The Wolf of Wall Street didn’t have anything to do with wolves.

Still, if there were, it would’ve been a way better movie. At least a lot of the Wall Street characters would get what they deserved.

64. Unfortunately, Sunshine isn’t a movie about daylight savings time.

Also, this guy seems to have crazy expectations of this film. Maybe he just didn’t understand it.

65. This Furby is such an obnoxious toy you don’t want to get your child.

Well, furbies are annoying toys since they were a fad in the 1990s. But I don’t think it will turn your son into a hipster.

66. According to this guy, Good Will Hunting is a good movie ruined by excessive profanity.

Boy, this guy is sure going to hate The Wire. Besides, I didn’t think the profanity in this movie was that bad.

67. With a Bic pen for women, you can be a super woman.

Yes, Bic for Her is a ridiculous product and this review shows this. And no, I’m afraid she won’t end up with Robert Pattinson.

68. Unicorn meat is highly unethical.

They recommend you stick to dragon meat instead. Still, the unicorn meat isn’t real.

69. This horse head mask won’t fit on horses.

That’s because it was made for humans. So of course, it wouldn’t fit on a horse.

70. Fiji water is liquid ice.

This person is making fun of the concept of bottled water. I mean why buy it in a bottle when you can get it through pipes?

71. Guys, want to do other things while drinking beer? Behold, the black leather beer holster.

Of course, he does list some activities you’d rather not try while holding your beer in the holster. Yet, he rates it 5 stars.

72. Uh, I don’t think that wolf urine is meant for human consumption.

Actually, I think it’s for warding deer off your yard. Still, tasting it yourself is pretty disgusting.

73. This large Snickers bar is the best way to contract diabetes.

As to why you’d want that, I don’t have the slightest idea. But this guy does have a point.

74. Nothing can bring you joy like a bottle of face paint.

Though if you’re white, don’t go out with the brown one on. I hope I need not explain why.

75. Now if they had paper for women, this woman can finally learn to write.

Another slam on the Bic for Her. Because women have used the regular pens for years.

76. To avoid nuclear meltdowns, this tape is highly recommended.

No, this kind of tape probably wouldn’t be good for a nuclear power plant. But the review is very funny.

77. Hope teenagers can learn their lessons on avoiding huge ships.

Reading this, you’d almost think this person was talking about drugs. Yet, you can’t help but laugh.

78. This ancient humidor contains phenomenal cosmic powers.

Still, I think this review is full of crap or a complete joke. And no, I don’t think it was made by aliens.

79. The iPotty makes potty training easier.

Yet, I can see why this man isn’t the custodial parent. Also, letting your boy read “gentleman’s magazines” isn’t great parenting.

80. With a can of uranium ore, who knows what would happen.

There’s even a TMNT reference in it. Also, someone now types with 6 fingers. These are great.

81. For those attending an alt-righter’s Halloween party, have I got the mask for you.

Seems more like a lawn jockey mask. But if your friends like to dress in white robes, cut holes in sheets with conical tops, and burn a cross in the yard, go for it.

82. Grandpa’s pine tar soap makes a guy smell like a man.

Well, at least it’s not Axe. Still, don’t you enjoy reading Amazon reviews on men’s hygiene products?

83. The mangroomer gets rid of that pesky back hair.

You see, it’s rather easy to reach. But some guy got caught up in a lawsuit over it for some reason.

84. Be an invisible force in the night with this ninja mask.

So this thing can turn you into a badass? I don’t see how it’s possible.

85. Make your home look great with a Wallmonkey stock photo decal.

I can understand decals of superheroes, Harry Potter, or sports. But this is ridiculous.

86. If you’re a cop, equip yourself with some Blue Brand Pepper Spray.

Here this person is mocking how law enforcement treat campus protestors. Yes, I know it’s pretty appalling. But they make a point.

87. Start them young in counterterrorism with this toy predator drone.

I know drones are controversial. But I’m sure this is a toy that won’t hurt anyone.

88. This Samsung Framed TV is the best thing ever!

Seems like this guy really loves his TV despite how expensive it is and doesn’t fit in their house. Not sure if it’s worth it.

89. This Nicholas Cage pillow is a real national treasure.

No, I don’t think Nic Cage pillow is something I’d want to own. Besides, he’s a practical washout nowadays.

90. This portly frog is an artistic masterpiece.

But to me it’s a tacky lawn ornament you can buy almost anywhere. Though to each his own.

91. These shoes are great when you’re being chased by a dog.

This review is straight from The Sandlot. It’s one of those movies about baseball that’s based in the 1960s. Great for preteens.

92. The wife may take everything, but the man controls the thermostat.

Enjoy tormenting your ex-wife while it lasts, buddy. Cause you won’t be controlling the thermostat for long.

93. This Tri-bladed hand claw is perfect for getting syrup from a tree.

Makes me wonder why sap producers don’t use it very often. Also, you don’t get much sap from a tree to put on pancakes anyway.

94. A binder like this is great for office professionals, awful for caterers.

Once again, the binders full of women joke from 2012. Some can’t seem to get enough of these.

95. This guide is handy if you have adult children or a lot of them.

The second comment seems to make no sense whatsoever. Parents must’ve misread the title.

96. These sponges always put a smile on this user’s face.

But this person says they never use them and draws faces on them. Hope this person understands what sponges are for.

97. Clive Christian Imperial Majesty perfume will almost sweep any woman off her feet.

Well, if you’re talking about perfume for men, this is a good review to advertise. An interesting read.

98. If you love vultures, this mask is for you.

Though this person seems to be out for revenge. Also, unless it’s a California condor, a disguise wouldn’t be very effective.

99. If you live in LA, then wheelmate is just for you.

Though to be fair, I can’t blame people for wanting to do other things while stuck in traffic. Still, it has a potential to be a driving hazard when it comes to some people.

100. This patriotic tank top will make you a real American hero.

Sorry, but this isn’t going to make you into an American superstar. Also, kind of tacky as hell.

The Anthro World of Furry Costumes (Second Edition)

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Once again, Pittsburgh has paid host to world’s largest furry convention, Anthrocon. I know many people might see it as a strange fetish. And for many people it is. But as far as Pittsburgh is concerned, as long as these animal costumed fans spend their money for food and lodging. Also, they seem to be a hit with the kids as far as the news reports make it. Still, you have to wonder how they’d put up wearing an animal costume in scorching heat is the question. I mean they’d have to be roasting in these outfits. After all, many of the character costumes at Disney World are equipped with fans for obvious reasons, not the least that the resort is located in central Florida. But still, furry culture can seem quite weird as you see in the picture above. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of furry costumes.

  1. That bighorn yak sure wields an axe.

Though I almost thought it was a bat until I saw the horns. Still, he has a nice suit of armor.

2. Seems like we have a spiked deer in our midst.

Even has a necklace in his likeness. Must be a character from a book he’s read.

3. Bet you’ve never seen a blue dog before.

Yet, he seems to have brown hair on his head. Not sure how to explain that.

4. This blue dog has some fins and a tail to match.

Well, a lot of furries do consist of mix and match critters. This one has a shark fin and tail.

5. You might give a paw to this scruffy animal.

Not sure whether I’d say they’re a fox or a dog. Either way, they must be hot under that thing.

6. Long ears never go out of style.

Helps if you wear a shirt that matches your black and purple fur. Though that might be stretching it.

7. Blue fur is always great at the playground.

Doesn’t hurt if they can show of their long tail. Though what’s with the blue bandanna?

8. This white snow leopard just wants to say hello.

Well, she she surely has a nice coat and tail. Hope she can catch the escalator.

9. Teal and orange never go out of style.

Though I have to admit, the bandanna goes quite nicely. Still, there’s a lot about furries I don’t understand.

10. Seems like nobody expected a white wolf in the city.

Interesting how a lot of these furry costumes depict dogs. Yet, this one is almost all white for some reason.

11. Sometimes natural earth tones are best.

Well, he’s flexing his muscles to look like a tough guy. Not sure if it helps his case.

12. Who are you calling spotted?

This one has orange and black spots on their back. But they really seem quite the character.

13. Don’t mind this horned dog hanging out.

Yes, I know dogs don’t wear horns. But some of these furry costumes are simply fantastical. Also, are those hooves?

14. How about you greet this cool black cat?

Even has their own collar. But don’t worry, they won’t give you bad luck if they cross your path.

15. Anthrocon is always a great place to spread one’s wings.

This guy came dressed as a fuzzy dragon. Though why they have fur instead of scales, I have no idea.

16. Sometimes a wolf may feel content in their own skin.

Bet they’re just waiting for their pack to return. Or they’re just a lonely wolf tired of howling.

17. Might want to check out this kitty’s jet pack.

Well, the flames are mostly made from tissue paper. But the rest of it almost resembles a the real thing.

18. Now this guy is quite the tiger.

Though when they say, “Be a tiger,” they usually don’t mean it literally. But this is a pretty cool costume nonetheless.

19. You can always stand out in red stripes.

This guy even has a red nose to match. Though the fur composition is quite a combination.

20. But you can always use some blue now and then.

Seems to resemble a husky of some sort. Then again, there’s much about furries I don’t understand.

21. You dare not to mess with this horny bobcat.

Well, she has horns. But she’s also dressed as a fantasy character to let you know her animal originally existed in her imagination.

22. These dogs just want to keep things casual for now.

Well, at least their clothes make them seem less freaky. But yes, the furry thing is pretty weird.

23. Seems like someone has their paws out.

Though the fur pattern is quite intricate. But I’m sure it’s not meant for camouflage.

24. This panda bear has left the building.

Not every day you see a panda walking around. Hope he can get plenty of bamboo before he leaves town.

25. You can always wear a scarf with red and gold.

Well, this guy knows how to stand out in a crowd. Yet, I’m sure you’d freak out if you saw a dog like this.

26. Check out this cool dog in black with yellow stripes.

Almost thought this was a horse until I saw thedog nose. But pretty snazzy if you ask me.

27. This perky dog is eager for anything.

Well, she’s wearing a lovely top and jeans. But the bow is kind of bland.

28. Never thought I’d see a minotaur up close before.

Also, I’m more used to seeing a minotaur in a stone Cretan labyrinth. And I heard he’s not great around people outside his family.

29. Perhaps it’s best to leave that fox alone in the woods.

Funny how they’re wearing a leather jacket. Wonder where they got that from.

30. It would be a mistake to ignore these furry girls.

They’re also wearing dresses that come best with their fur. So sweet.

31. Get a load of this red dragon.

Doesn’t hurt he has spikes on his knees. Though I don’t see the practically. Then again, it’s just a costume.

32. Might want to take a look at this horned cat’s long tail.

Yes, mix and match critters is at play here. Still, wonder how this cat gets around dragging that thing.

33. You’ll certainly know it if you ran into this bright tiger.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy sells highlighters when not in his furry costume. Then again, he may wear it on the job.

34. This big horned sheep is all ready for battle.

Then again, this sheep might be some kind of sorcerer or something. But I know what they use those horns for.

35. That goat sure has long horns.

Well, at least this person dresses as a bipedal goat. But I’d sure wouldn’t want to be on the horns’ receiving end.

36. Never thought this snow leopard would whip their sword out.

Bet you wouldn’t want to mess with this furry badass. Else you may learn the hard way.

37. This wadling osprey is slow to take off the ground.

Kind of reminds me of a bird of prey I saw in a cartoon. Was it Fern Gully?

38. How about a jump onto a fluffy bed?

Because any dog likes a nice soft bed. Though a furry in this pose is kind of freaky.

39. This bunny always enjoys a colorful sweater.

Love the hoodie jacket. Very colorful with rainbow sleeves and pockets. That rabbit’s got style.

40. Get a load of this foxy selfie.

Kind of reminds you of the selfies you might see on online dating profiles. Though this girl is more of a vixen.

41. Want to play fetch?

Not sure to drive the point with a ball in your mouth. Seriously, this is just freaky.

42. Nobody could resist purple fur in the winter time.

What the hell is this dog wearing? Is that a swimsuit? Well, at least there’s a fur suit underneath.

43. No dog wants anything more than a large juicy piece of meat.

Well, a plush steak will do. After all, this green dog only plays a role during the furry convention.

44. How about a shirtless leopard pic?

Then again, you can probably get away with this. Looks more freaky but in a different way.

45. Seems like this dog can really strike a pose.

Costume seems like it’s modeled after a real dog. Australian cattle dog, perhaps? Nice fur though.

46. These deer antlers come with white tips.

Bet it’s a reindeer. Though this guy is most likely brown in the back.

47. This blue dog has a star in their hands.

Well, you have to like the blue fur. But as I have to say, furries are a weird bunch.

48. This guy looks a bit husky.

Though chances are you wouldn’t see him pulling a sled. Yet, it won’t stop him from trying.

49. Nothing makes fur fun like some blue designs.

You have to wonder why people dress in animal costumes. It just seems to defy all explanation for me.

50. With this fox, just act casual.

Well, just a fox head and some baggy clothes. What more can you want?

51. This Canadian cat has a pair of high horns.

And this guy has the maple leaf flag on their belt to show nationality. Not sure why the costume includes horns.

52. This bunny knows the way of the samurai.

This one has pants and armor to boot. Too bad he didn’t bring a katana. Bet the convention center has a weapons policy.

53. May I introduce you to Lemonade the Angel Dragon?

Yes, many of these furries have original characters to their costumes. I know it’s weird. But I don’t understand it either.

54. Seems like this vixen can be kinky at Christmas.

Here she is in a Santa dress and leather corset, boots, and gloves. Guess this is for a Christmas card.

55. This black and white dog is jumping for joy.

Well, this guy isn’t as flashy as some of the other dogs. But I hope they don’t hit the water.

56. This blue dog can’t help but show off their long spiky tail.

Also has some yellow spikes on their ears. Looks good in jeans and a shirt.

57. “How do you like my portrait?”

Well, it’s more of a stylized likeness. But it’s better than what I could’ve drawn.

58. Hope you run into this friendly grizzly in the park.

Don’t worry. He won’t steal your picnic basket. Oh, well, if he’s not hungry.

59. With these two dogs, it’s pure puppy love.

One is a green dog holding the bag. The other is a white dog with flowers in her ears and a scarf around her neck.

60. This tough deer is all leathered for action.

Though isn’t leather made from deer. Oh, wait, they make it from cows nowadays. Still, freaky.

61. This vixen steps out in a sexy dress.

Well, she might have a certain type of outfit. But she certainly looks quite fabulous in it, as far as some furries are concerned.

62. Someone has to be top dog around here.

Guess this is a German shepherd. Though you won’t find him sniffing around any time soon.

63. Sonny Pup can’t help himself sometimes.

He even has a nice collar. But outside a furry convention, you’d freak out if you run into him.

64. Cacti never wants to be hugged. So don’t.

You see how freaky this furry subculture can be? Yes, this guy is Cacti. Don’t ask me.

65. This white dog can’t leave without wearing her pink dress.

Okay, that’s kind of strange. I don’t know what to think of this. Seriously, she’s freaking me out.

66. A yellow goat has to carry a red fan.

I bet this guy fancies himself a samurai. Though it just seems a bit creepy to me.

67. It takes a lot to maintain long fur.

And I’m not sure how this person take care of their costume. But some might find it amazing.

68. Looks like this cat has an evil plan.

This guy seems like a character from something. I’m not sure where though.

69. This dark horse always uses the latest Mane and Tail.

And this horse poses for a picture like a model. Show off.

70. These two are just foxing around.

Yes, dance at the water fountain. Then tell me how it was like to fall into the water. Sucks, right?

71. Seems like this dog decided to go casual.

Well, when in doubt, casual is where to go. Though the fur costume makes it a bit more awkward.

72. A zebra always has to know how to dress.

Though the stripes and plaid kind of clash. Seriously, a zebra should just bare it all out.

73. Bet you’d never get a load of this pink dragon.

This costume consists of fur and scales. Like either would go together save on an armadillo.

74. You can always love a dog in bright yellow.

He also has bright green paws and a blue bandanna. Can see him from several miles away.

75. Now that is one funky rabbit.

The bunny even has their ears pierced. But your eyes would be sore looking at this one.

76. This blue feline always enjoys the winter.

Though they don’t seem to be perfectly camouflaged. Though the coat’s kind of cool.

77. Someone’s feeling batty today.

But at least this bat doesn’t suck blood or eat bugs. Also has a nice medal around neck.

78. Ever saw a rainbow dog before?

Neither have I. But you’d probably see a dog playing with a balloon.

79. Rainbow sleeves never go out of style.

Nor do they need to go with a shirt. Because we all need rainbows in our lives.

80. This griffin always wears their heart on their chest.

This one even has small wings to go with their white body. But they stand proud.

I Want You to View These Vintage Wartime Propaganda Posters (Second Edition)

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Once again, the 4th of July puts us in the patriotic kick of things. Unless the Trump administration put a damper on that, like it does with everything. Anyway, I did a post of old wartime propaganda posters for the 4th of July last year. And since I have plenty left over, I thought it would be a good idea to do another. Because I think we all long for the days when propaganda didn’t try to pass itself as news. Though to be fair many of these wartime posters function more like public service announcements with messages like conserve resources, do your part, don’t give out any military secrets, buy bonds, enlist, and what not. And yes, you’ll find plenty with racist caricatures, particularly on any of the WWII ones featuring the Japanese. Still, they tend to be rather interesting to look at and not such for the artwork. But many of them have become so ingrained in the popular imagination that they’ve been parodied in pop culture for years. Nevertheless, for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of more propaganda posters from the old wartime years. Enjoy.

  1. Conserve water for the military industrial complex.

To be fair, this is for WWII when many nations were fighting for their survival. Still, the military industrial complex has gained a shadowy reputation since then.

2. This Christmas give your family the gift of war bonds.

Sure your kids may not enjoy them now. But wait until they’re about to go to college. Also, it’s your patriotic duty to do so.

3. Don’t get VD or else you’ll miss the boat.

Because our nation can’t afford soldiers with gonorrhea or chlamydia. So guys, keep it in your pants.

4. Angelic lady with harp wants you to enlist at your nearest recruiter station.

Because if you don’t enlist now, there’s a good chance they’ll draft you. A gem from World War I, by the way with George M. Cohan’s “Over There.”

5. One legged sailor wants you to do your part.

Because as you can see, he already did and got his leg blown off for it. And to him, it was worth it.

6. The YWCA wants you to support women workers.

Because women build planes and bombs so men can use them to blow up or shoot down other guys. By the way, average air time in a WWI aircraft was 20 minutes.

7. “When the sword is drawn, the Navy upholds it!”

So join the US Navy. Because spending long days warding off German U-Boats sure beats trenches and planes. Seriously, anything is better than the trenches.

8. Before you bang this woman, know that she might be an STD laden whore.

Yes, they seem to have a lot of wartime posters on STDs. But then again, contracting an STD is far worse than getting a cold.

9. Don’t be lazy or you’ll help the Nazis win.

Makes me wonder if they’re putting this guy down or sympathizing with him. I mean, the guy has a broken arm and can’t really do his job.

10. Even Mickey Mouse wants you to buy bonds.

Because Mickey loves America and wants to protect it from Nazis. Despite that Walt Disney was anti-Semitic.

11. Strike a blow for the Axis and give more wood for the army.

And we mean lumber this shirtless jacked guy chops down. Not the other kind since being gay in the military can give you a one way ticket to Levenworth, Kansas.

12. Civilians need food so plant more beans.

Because these people liberated from Axis occupation are absolutely starving. Mainly because of totalitarianism, systematic oppression, and the fact we bombed the shit out of their towns.

13. Buy war bonds to the moms and kids of fallen men.

Because a lot of employers simply won’t hire single moms during the 1940s. This is especially the case when she has two kids under the age of 5.

14. In a time of war, great Americans don’t take time off when their country needs them.

Though even during a time of war, can’t people just take time off for medical needs? Besides, everyone needs a break.

15. A woman loves a man who volunteered for submarine service.

Yet, serving in a submarine is absolutely no picnic at all. Still, at least they didn’t have women on there fortunately for her.

16. Defeat the Nazis and defend religious freedom.

Though I’d think it would be more to the point if it was a synagogue instead of a church. But church works fine.

17. The traffic light is right, stop waiting to beat Hitler and enlist.

However, they forgot to put a disclaimer: Must be 18 years or older. Though the traffic light is very effective.

18. Send your scrap to Uncle Sam so they can shoot down Nazi planes.

Still, I’m not sure a burning plane for a scrap metal poster is a good idea. But then again, this is WWII so it’s understandable.

19. Want to avoid VD? Try Prophylaxis.

Prophylaxis means prevention. And I guess the prophylaxis here is keeping it in your pants.

20. Whether in the fields, factories, or combat zones, we must attack at all fronts.

Yet, this doesn’t necessarily mean using a hoe or a blow torch as weapons. But they’re the home front.

21. Kids, help Uncle Sam win the war by buying war savings stamps with your change.

Since bonds are for grownups. And the US government isn’t above getting its hands on your monthly allowance to pay for a new machine gun.

22. Ladies, don’t worry about rations, can your food instead.

Yes, they encouraged people to can their food so they’d last for weeks. Then again, they didn’t have as reliable refrigeration then.

23. The Red Cross and Uncle Sam need you!

I don’t know about you, but Uncle Sam seems to be a bit creepy with that nurse. I have a bad feeling where this is leading.

24. Soldiers, when you sleep with a woman, you might pick up more than a girl.

And they think college hookup culture is bad these days. Yes, the World War II generation slept around, too.

25. This soldier wants you to save gas through carpooling.

Yes, carpooling saves gas. But the disadvantage of carpooling is that it’s not always feasible for co-workers living a neighborhood away from each other. Though this wasn’t much of a problem in the 1940s.

26. Before the war, men never thought a woman can do a blue collar job.

Yes, this is kind of sexist. But women did work in factories during both world wars. Not to mention, many female factory workers in WWI started out as girls.

27. Be wary and don’t fall for Axis propaganda.

Note they included religious bigotry on there but left out other faiths. Still, I’d worry more about Axis Sally than Tokyo Rose.

28. See a German U-Boat? Bomb it!

This is a navy recruitment poster. And here’s a guy carrying explosives. Hope he throws it at the Germans quick or he’s sunk.

29. Someone talked and this man’s ship got bombed.

Yes, scare them straight into shutting up while they make port in a foreign country. Still, you’d wonder if this guy ever learned to swim.

30. Uncle Sam wants you to shut up about military strategy.

Because you’ll never know when you meet a Nazi spy. So keep your trap shut.

31. The British Navy needs your bones for bombs.

They also need bones for all this other stuff, too. Though the aircraft one is puzzling to me.

32. Remember, loose talk during lunch can cost lives.

Nothing inspires paranoia like this one. Doesn’t help they’re drinking beer either. Oh, I see what they’re getting at.

33. Winston Churchill always holds the line to victory.

Here’s Churchill’s famous English bulldog portrait. And it doesn’t seem very flattering to me.

34. Careless talk will give you a German Iron Cross.

Or as this poster conveys, “make you a traitor.” Also not, the Nazi signet in full display.

35. Remember to eat healthy to be US strong.

Too bad a lot of people in our country do not nowadays. Still, you can see the point.

36. Talk less because you’ll never know if you meet a German spy.

Keep in mind that the Gestapo mainly dressed in civilian clothes in Nazi Germany. So this isn’t incredibly far fetched.

37. Fight for your country so you won’t have to lose your sacred rights.

Too bad they didn’t try to warn us during the 2016 election. Because our rights are now under attack from the Trump administration and the GOP as we speak. Have you seen the GOP healthcare plan and anti-protest laws?

38. VD can be cured, but antibiotics can’t relieve your regret.

So a sailor should be a good boy to keep it in his pants and his mouth shut. Because careless talk may mean death to your comrades.

39. Set to course to victory, join the US Coast guard.

Sure patrolling the nation’s borders may seem like a boring gig as you see these guys’ faces. But at least you most likely won’t die.

40. Defend America, don’t waste your food.

Because Americans need to be healthy to defeat the Nazis. So clean your plate at dinner.

41. Empty cans? Save them for ammunition.

Funny how the bullet chains are cans with tomatoes. As if they’re firing a machine guns with sauce bullets.

42. To avoid careless talk, don’t forget to tie your parrot’s beak shut.

Or any military camp could just ban pets. Much easier than tying something on a parrot’s mouth.

43. Soldiers, Uncle Sam wants you to take care of your gear.

For soldiers need to make sure everything’s working so their equipment can last. Doing that, the life they could save, could be their own.

44. Support oil for it powers planes and land vehicles.

Though today, you’d be more for clean energy like wind and solar. Okay, maybe we’re not that far yet, technology wise. But we’ll get there.

45. Join the Navy and man the guns!

I don’t know about you. But there’s something phallic about that missile and it doesn’t help that the guy doesn’t have shirt on. Just a thought.

46. Produce to the limit or else the 2 headed Axis hulk will storm New York City.

Because you don’t want this monster destroying the Statue of Liberty. Still, in movie world, cataclysmic events in New York are commonplace.

47. Use your ration stamps to stamp out black markets.

Funny how they have a black marketer in disgusting green. Yes, ration stamps get the job done.

48. Keep em’ fighting since production wins wars and prevent accidents.

Again with the bare chest and phallic looking missiles. And you wonder why sailors are more prone to gay stereotyping.

49. Every minute counts so avoid time off.

Instead of avoiding time off, it’d be better if it said, “avoid vacation time.” Because if someone needs a day off for illness, injury, or family, then they should have it.

50. Keep our cars rolling cause America can’t hitchhike to victory.

Still, hitchhiking isn’t a good idea even if that’s a way people got around at the time. And hitchhiking to victory, forget it.

51. “We’ve just begun to fight! Watch us put it across!”

I guess this is for recruitment as the eagle looks ahead. Guess this is from WWII.

52. The housewives brigade wants your scraps.

So give them all your junk so they can give to the war effort. Metal, paper, and bacon grease preferred.

53. Don’t read history, make it. Join the Navy.

But I think reading history is very important. This goes especially for the stuff that isn’t flattering like slavery.

54. Buy bonds to keep Germany and Japan from this mom and kid.

Yes, they have menacing hands that’ll go after your family. Just imagine the suffering.

55. Men who know always say no to prostitutes.

Because prostitutes are STD ridden whores who’ll infect them. Then again, this isn’t an entirely accurate description.

56. War bonds are the crop that never fails.

Though if I can grow money I would. But unfortunately money doesn’t grow on trees. Or from the ground.

57. Eat some of each from every food group every day. Other than that, eat whatever you want.

Nowadays, you’d have to eat a set of servings from each group. And it’s usually shaped within a plate or a pyramid.

58. In a time of war, it’s best you watch your weight.

So I guess they don’t want you to overeat either. Yes, it’s best you know your capacity.

59. Knock out VD. Prophylaxis prevents disease.

And yet, they have tanks shooting out saying, “soap,” “silver,” and “mercury.” Unfortunately, such treatment aren’t as good as penicillin.

60. July 4th is Uncle Sam’s birthday and the US is still going strong after 142 years.

And see Uncle Sam charge with his bayonet among the exploding bombs. Not necessarily a safe way to run through. But it’s WWI.

61. Simple Sam breaks a tool every day at work.

Here he is on a stool with a dunce cap. Yes, his antics in the factory waste time. But he really can’t help himself.

62. The Statue of Liberty wants you to buy a liberty bond or she perishes.

So while Uncle Sam urges men to serve, Lady Liberty urges everyone else to buy bonds. But she doesn’t look defenseless here.

63. Take the pledge that you’ll use ration points and not buy black market stuff.

Because it’s your patriotic duty to do so as an American consumer. So raise your hand and swear to it.

64. Let the guns do the talking for silence is security.

Because the guns can do quite a lot of damage. Kind of intimidating if you ask me.

65. Sure she might be hot but she could very well be a Nazi spy.

If you want to know, just ask her what she thinks about Jewish people. Okay, maybe that’s a bad indicator.

66. Always be be on the alert and join the Marines.

Here he has a gun pointed at planes during the night. I’m sure the planes don’t know what’s coming.

67. A rattlesnake is less dangerous than careless talk.

And rattlesnake bites are are real bitch. In fact, rattlesnakes can kill you. Just look at the fangs of this thing.

68. Think this Japanese beauty is hot? Avoid her.

Crazy how they managed to put a naked woman on here. Not often you see this on a WWII poster.

69. Sailor, beware of who you screw at port.

So don’t tell her anything about equipment, salings, or troop movements. She might be using her hotness to get you to talk.

70. Want to bring him back sooner? Get a war job.

Though the sooner you bring him back home, the sooner you’ll get a pink slip. So what it brings you is mixed.

71. “You give us the fire. We’ll give ’em hell!”

Here he is about to get in a fighter. Remember that bombers and pilots didn’t have a high survival rate in WWII. So he’s not likely to make it.

72. In Germany, someone is doing the same job as you, beat ’em.

Funny how they put it behind a large white swastika. Looks so evil.

73. The swastika marks the spot.

And it’s squarely on Hitler’s ass. And the planes are bombing it like crazy as he screams in pain.

74. Make every minute count for Pershing. Join the  shipyard.

However, keep in mind that WWI era wasn’t known for good health and safety conditions. And that the guy isn’t in proper safety equipment.

75. Remember, housewives, save fats for explosives.

Because fats contain nitro glycerin. So whenever you contribute grease to the military, you’re killing Nazis.

76. Women, there’s a war to be won. So get on your feet now.

Because when there’s a war on, the US needs everyone they have. So ladies, it’s off to the munitions factories.

77. Canada needs soldiers like you in its army.

Instead of a noble knight on horseback, we have a soldier on a motorcycle. Don’t think popping a wheelie is a good idea.

78. Smack the Japanese and join the submarine service.

Here’s a guy holding a V for victory. Hope he knows that the Pacific front was particularly horrific.

79. A starving child’s life was saved because you went without luxury. So give us money.

What a way to pull at people’s heartstrings. Though recently, the American Red Cross’s reputation has suffered.

80. “Let’s go Canada!”

Apparently, Canada didn’t have its famous maple leaf flag yet. And this guy hardly looks like a badass.

81. Every time you take the day off, you help Hitler.

Seems like they’re big on getting people not to miss any day at work. Though everyone deserves a break now and then. Even in wartime.

82. Break the bottle neck traffic, carpool.

Yet, in this one, the car breaks the bottle. But you have to agree, carpooling is a good idea, whenever it’s feasible.

83. Tell where he’s going, he’ll never get there!

Because telling where he’s going helps the enemy. So don’t. Okay?

84. Remember, make a mistake, you help the enemy! Because there’s a war on.

Sorry, but we can’t afford secretaries making mistakes. Too bad she might not have adequate training which I’m quite sure about.

85. Don’t forget that this hideous Japanese guy is the enemy.

Really? Depicting Japanese guys as raping white women? That’s about as racist and horrendous as sending a bunch of Japanese Americans to internment camps out west.

86. Still need more rags for salvage.

And yet, this old guy leads an invisible homeless guy. Couldn’t see anything so cruel.

87. “Remember Pearl Harbor and purl further!”

Seems like this was designed by a knitting circle. Still, it’s kind of clever.

88. Hey, British POWs, want some fresh air? Join the Free Corps.

The British Free Corps was a Waffen SS unit during WWII consisting of British prisoners of war who were stationed at the Eastern Front to fight the Russians. Only 54 joined up and major figures were later court martialed as traitors.

89. Fight the Japanese menace surrounding Australia. Blockade!

Though to be fair, militaristic Japan wanted an empire. And Australia is quite close to Indonesia.

90. “Couldn’t have done it without you!”

As if this American sailor can’t help but show how many Japanese boats he’s sunk. So proud of his accomplishments.

91. Salvage your rubber cause these guys have more important places to go.

Though it seems like they’re going on a joy ride more than anything. But they need rubber for tires to get around places.

92. Talk too much and this soldier’s behind a barbed wire fence.

Of course, he’d probably be at some POW camp which is nothing like Hogan’s Heroes. But at least he can be happy he’s not from Russia.

93. Can’t fight in war? Plant a victory garden instead.

After all, if you can grow it, you don’t need to buy it. You can even give some of your produce to the troops, too.

94. Open your eyes, America, since fighting Nazis isn’t business as usual.

Nor is it with the Trump administration. Not sure how we’ll get through that with our federal government intact.

95. Be good this year and invest in defense.

Because if you’ve been bad and help Nazis, then you’ll probably get something worse than coal. Like a charge for treason. And Santa wouldn’t like that.

96. Keep your mouth shut and don’t rat out information.

Cause you never know when the Axis powers would use it against you. So be smart and don’t say anything about war stuff.

97. The YWCA wants you to back our girls over there.

Yes, women who served in WWI didn’t get the credit they deserved. This switchboard operator is one of them.

98. Even a fish would keep its mouth shut around Japanese bait.

Boy is their rendition of the Japanese racist. Still, even if the fish took the bait, it would die right there.

99. After Iwo Jima, it’s all of us together.

This is a depiction of the famous photo at Iwo Jima. Subject of two Clint Eastwood movies.

100. Wasting stuff helps Hitler.

And they had to do a paper version of Hitler with a weird looking mustache brush. Not flattering but he’s a horrible man anyway.

Celebrate the Stars and Stripes Forever with These Star Spangled 4th of July Craft Projects (Second Edition)

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On with the craft projects. As the 4th of July is a celebration of America’s birthday, many people in the country tend to splurge on star spangled decorations. In this picture alone, you have American flags, American flag decorations, and figures of Uncle Sam. Yet, while plenty of party stores and retail outlets are happy to sell patriotic paraphernalia, some people take it a bit further by making their own. Yes, red, white and blue are the dominant colors.  And some of these often depict stars and stripes like you see on the American flag. Of course, many of these might violate the US Flag Code but it’s not that anyone pays attention to it anyone unless someone burns a flag in public protest. But that’s talking about an earlier post I did years ago. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of 4th of July craft projects for your home and yard.

  1. To mark the 4th, perhaps you might want to go with this.

It’s a wooden 4 that’s blue with white stars. Helps someone used a red and white string to tie it for emphasis.

2. In a more rustic setting, a red berry wreath with a star will do.

But don’t forget topping it with a blue ribbon. Otherwise, someone might mistake it for a Christmas wreath.

3. Nothing brings out one’s love of country like this 4th of July tree.

Yes, I know they do these trees for every holiday now. But at least it’s red, white, and blue.

4. A burlap patriotic wreath brings a homespun American touch.

Includes wooden letters “USA” and red, white, and blue stars. Love the navy blue bow, too.

5. Sometimes all you need is a simple white wreath.

Though be sure to include a red and white striped background and a navy blue ribbon with white stars. And the display should be in a white wooden frame.

6. The stars and stripes should be painted on a large wooden panel.

Because nothing emphasizes America than a flag painted on aged wood. Great for any American home.

7. Welcome guests on the 4th of July with this red, white, and blue deco mesh wreath.

Sure the colors seem to run together. But you have to admire the navy blue ribbon and stars.

8. Or perhaps you prefer a wreath of ribbons.

This one uses several consisting of stripes and stars configurations. Like how the stars give it charm.

9. You can’t set your table at a 4th of July barbecue without burlap cutlery bags with the flag.

Because it’s likely that you might need something to keep the cutlery from blowing off the table. Still, like the painted flag.

10. No American couch should be without this patriotic pillow.

Consists of a red and white striped pillow with a navy blue bow of white stars. Great for any American furniture piece but the dining room table.

11. Welcome your guests this 4th of July by hanging this star spangled wreath.

Like how it has red, white, and blue stars hanging from blue ribbons. Not sure what the wreath material is though.

12. For 4th of July and fun in the sun, may I suggest this star-spangled flip flop wreath?

Though keep in mind that, “flip flop” describes the sandals not senators. Has red flowers and blue sunglasses in the center.

13. A wreath wrapped in a flag can look quite stunning in a window frame.

Though the window frame is much to be desired. But it makes a fine outdoor decoration regardless.

14. If you’re not a fan of wreaths, you might want to try a star.

Well, it’s a rustic 5 pointed star with an American flag and pussy willows tied in a ribbon. Love it.

15. How about an American flag wreath with paper roses?

Well, dried roses anyway. But I know dried roses when I see them. Still, this is quite lovely.

16. A deco mesh wreath should always contain an Uncle Sam hat.

Helps if the deco mesh is lined with silver and the hat is shiny. Great to put on any American door.

17. If you want to use organic materials, this patriotic pine cone wreath is for you.

Well, if you live near an evergreen forest, then the pinecones should be easy to find. If not, there’s always the craft stores. But this wreath is simply stunning.

18. Even flag stands should have stars and stripes on them.

After all, flags need something to stand on besides the ground. Yet, you can always fit a star or 2 on the blue.

19. A 4th of July wreath should always have stars and stripe ribbons.

Though you can also add lace as a finishing touch. Also like the white lace. Very classy.

20. Wooden stars on sticks always belong in a flower pot bouquet.

Includes some red, white, and blue stars as well as a large American flag one. Love it.

21. Celebrate your love for America with these wooden blocks spelling the US of A.

Consists of a blue U, a red S, and an American flag decorated A. Bet the A stands for America and therefore, has to be the fanciest.

22. On this panel, it’s “God Bless America.”

And it’s all painted in the classic red, white, and blue. Great for any American house or porch.

23. No woman should be in the kitchen without this star spangled apron.

I had a few of these aprons on last year’s craft post. But this one mostly consists of navy blue with white stars.

24. Any all-American house should have a set of all-American firecrackers.

Okay, these are made from wood and don’t actually explode. But they all have star spangled designs you can’t resist.

25. How about a star-spangled address block to mark your house?

This one uses tiles of red, white, and blue to give a stars and stripes look. Wonderful for any American garden.

26. Nothing expresses the American spirit like a star spangled wreath of tulle.

Unlike the tulle wreath in last year’s post, it has more stars and more stripes. Also like how it looks on the door.

27. Celebrate the 4th of July in your home with these star-spangled shutters.

Well, they’re recycled shutters. But they’re both painted with stripes and a unique star design on top.

28. Red, white, and blue stars should always stick together.

So you have to tie these up with a burlap and rag ribbon. Still, I’m sure they’re all different sizes.

29. How about a wreath with more stripes and a few stars?

Not sure if the blue on here consists of feathers. But it’s rather an interesting design to have on your door.

30. As we all know, liberty is what Americans hold most sacred.

It even lights up and has an American flag. Yet, the panel of “Liberty” outshines all.

31. Hope you’re fine with 2 flags in one basket.

This one has some berries in it as well. Like the stars on it. So quaint.

32. Perhaps a wall hanging of stars with rag stripes will do.

Well, the stars aren’t in a neat in tidy shape. But they don’t necessarily have to be. After all, it’s the motifs that count.

33. Now your kids can enjoy their 4th of July with star studded chalk.

Available in only red, white, and blue. Because those are the colors of the American flag.

34. Curl up on the couch this 4th of July with this star spangled pillow.

This one has the blue star pattern as star on a striped background. Looks best next to the one with the bow.

35. 1776 should always be enshrined on a berry branch wreath.

Of course, the year itself should be framed amongst a copy of the Declaration of Independence. Just for good measure.

36. A red, white, and blue wreath of yarn is just as nice.

But the wreath appears purple because the strands appear so intertwined. Still, like the red, white, and blue flowers.

37. Care to honor America with flowers?

And as you see, the flowers are red. But you have to adore the fancy ribbons and stars.

38. Step out of your home this 4th of July with a pair of patriotic tennis shoes.

Though the shoes don’t really seem to match. But they have the same stars and stripe patterns if only in different places.

39. Let freedom ring with this American flag wind chime.

It’s mostly made of metal with a small plate of stars. But it’ll sure let freedom sing with the wind.

40. Make your 4th of July barbecue guests feel welcome with this burlap wreath.

This one uses a rather simple design with one star tied to the side. But I’m sure many will want this on their door.

41. These wooden firecrackers can use a few stars on them.

Well, at least the red and blue ones. The white one just gets nothing. Even has a tag saying, “USA.”

42. For a table centerpiece, place some flowers in some star spangled bricks.

This looks easy, assuming that the flowers are fake. Comes with a single blue brick with a white star.

43. Grace your home with this old-fashioned American flag dress display.

Keep in mind, this is a dress meant for decoration. Not for wearing. Still, like the golden stars and flag.

44. Perhaps a flower wreath should come with stars and ribbons.

Well, it may not look like the flower wreath I had on my craft post last year. But it certainly evokes 4th of July fun.

45. Nothing makes your 4th of July worthwhile than a red, white, and blue birdhouse.

Helps if it has a place to put your flower pots. Each birdhouse comes with a stand of the same red, white, and blue configuration.

46. Light up your 4th of July with these mason jar candle holders.

These consist of mason jars filled with different colors of art sand. And each one is tied with a red and white striped bow.

47. Want your fireworks to sparkle and shine? Get some red, white, and blue sequins.

Well, sequin discs you use in craft projects in art class. Still, you can make plenty of patterns with them on these wooden firecrackers.

48. Get yourself clean the American way with some stars and stripes soap.

Okay, most Americans use regular soap. But this is a 4th of July post. So American themed soap is shown here.

49. If you don’t have stars, buttons will do fine.

Well, buttons are just as good as stars for a wreath like this. Kind of gives this rag wreath a certain character.

50. A stars and stripes flower pot is great for a 4th of July bouquet.

Even if they have to consist of red, white, and blue carnations. Yet, it also includes shiny stars for patriotic emphasis.

51. If you love “America the Beautiful,” then you’ll like this wooden panel.

Though to be fair, the song was written by a lesbian who had a partner for 25 years. Bet they didn’t teach you that in history class.

52. If you don’t like wreath, then show your American pride with this American flag star.

Even has some patriotic ribbons to go along with it. Kind of has a whimsical shape to it.

53. Got any corks? Make a flag from them to hang.

I suppose most of these come from a craft store. Or at least I hope they come from one. Still, like the silver stars on it.

54. Nothing says you’re love for America than a shadowbox of paper flowers.

Well, paper flowers configured into an American flag, of course. Sure it has 9 stars but it’s the impression that counts.

55. This dresser is a must have for any American woman.

This one has an American flag painted on it. Hope whoever made this can get used to it all year round.

56. As you can see, this only sings the song of liberty.

Yes, it’s another patriotic wind chime. But it has the blue and stars on top.

57. There’s nothing more patriotic than an American flag made from shotgun shells.

Well, according to some NRA members. But as someone who doesn’t like guns, I beg to differ.

58. With this chair, you can find the Star-Spangled Banner at your seat.

Though many might view sitting on the American flag as desecration. Yet, most Americans would probably buy this anyway.

59. Never thought I’d see a metal flag before.

It’s even on a wavy metal sheet to resemble the American flag flying freely. Great to hang in any American home.

60. You’d almost think the flag was waving in this frame.

It’s actually an old shutter painted as the American flag. But you probably wouldn’t notice that.

61. Perhaps a 4th of July bandanna wreath would suit you.

Though keep in mind, bandanas often have some bad connotations to them since they’ve been banned by school dress codes. Still, you have to admire the stars on this.

62. Cinder block planters always shine in red, white, and blue.

Though they’re also heavy to lift as well. Might want to stick to wood or plastic instead.

63. Sometimes a simple decoration can say it best.

This is just a simple white yarn wreath with blue stars and American flag bows. So simple yet so lovely.

64. Every American couch should have a stars and stripes pillow.

Didn’t know they had a red pattern with white stars. Still, I’ve seen similar ones with different configurations.

65. Celebrate your 4th of July with some American flag china.

These may not be actual crafts. But they’ll sure be perfect for your Independence Day barbecue.

66. May this patriotic mason jar be a beacon of liberty in your home.

It even has a light to illuminate your party during the fireworks. Doesn’t seem quite hard to make.

67. This glass apothecary jar is filled with some of the finest American kidney beans.

As to how they managed to find red, white, and blue ones is a mystery to me. Oh, wait, they used black ones for the blue.

68. No little girl should celebrate the 4th without wearing an American flag dress.

Well, that’s a cute little dress. And it’s sure to make any girl a star-spangled darling.

69. A rustic wreath should have a flag and star.

It also has burlap and a berry wreath around the white star. Love it.

70. A rag wreath like this on the 4th of July is as good as any.

This one seems to have mostly red with white polka dots. But it’s just as patriotic nonetheless.

71. Perhaps you might want to stick a bunch of flags in one basket.

Well, you see a lot of American flag displays like this one. But I’m not sure if that’s overdoing it.

72. These star spangled flower pots make perfect patriotic planters.

These have stripes on the brim and stars on the pot. At any rate, they tend to be stacked together for height.

73. Nothing makes a 4th of July barbecue like a star spangled chair.

This one has a star back and a striped bottom. Hope it goes with a set and a table to match.

74. A 4th of July table should be star studded along the border.

And as a matter of fact, this one definitely is. Love it. So pretty.

75. A navy blue star is always stellar on a striped canvas.

Well, it may not look like the flag. But it’s in red, white, and blue just the same.

76. A glass block of the American flag is always stunning in beads.

This one uses shiny pears as stars. Nevertheless, I adore it and wonder if it lights up.

77.  By painting an American flag, you can turn a crate into a planter.

Just has a few stripes and 9 stars. But as long as it resembles a flag, I’ll take it.

78. Wooden firecrackers should always come with wooden stars.

Each of these has red white and blue to show for it. Yes, I’ve shown several of these but they’re popular 4th of July decorations.

79. A pallet doesn’t always have to resemble an American flag.

But as long as it has the basic stars and stripes, it can work. Wouldn’t mind hanging this on my wall.

80. These star-spangled firecrackers make for a spectacular 4th of July display.

One has stripes. One has stars. And one has both stars and stripes. But all have rope wicks.

81. Looks like these fireworks bring a lot of explosive fun.

This one has shiny stuff coming out of it and patriotic bows. And all on a red wood platform.

82. Let your clothes dry this Fourth of July with these American flag clothes pins.

Yes, these exist. And they just require you painting an American flag on them. Though that might be hard to pull off.

83. It’s always anchors away with this maritime wreath.

Has an anchor at the center and American flags on the sides. And the wreath is covered with rope.

84. There’s nothing more American to carry around with you than an American flag tote bag.

It’s just a tote bag with stars and stripes painted on there. Pretty ingenious if you think about it.

85. No woman can be in her 4th of July best without these star-spangled earrings.

These are probably not meant for my ears. But they’ll surely go well with any red, white, and blue outfit.

86. Show your love for America this 4th of July with this set of wooden blocks.

Consists of a map of the US, the 4th, fireworks, stripes, and a star. Looks great on any American mantle.

87. This patriotic kitty can always make America proud.

Well, is an amigurumi kitty. And she’s even waving an American flag. So cute.

88. With smaller flower pots, you can make some spectacular candle holders.

Well, they’re small pots so the candles can fit in them. But they sure consist of stellar designs.

89. If you don’t have a real flag, a ribbon one will do.

This one has a felt union with sequin stars and ribbon and lace stripes. Great project for those with scraps.

90. You surely can’t be without these flower pots at your 4th of July barbecue.

Each one is designated for forks, knives, and spoons. And each is in a patriotic motif.

91. All these firecrackers need is an American flag.

They’re also on a white wooden platform. Each one has stripes and a star on top.

92. With enough of the right burlap scraps you can make an American flag wreath pin.

Also, has buttons for stars. Kind of nifty idea. Wonder what this will go with.

93. You can even have an American flag on a basket.

Now that’s a funny way to show patriotism. Then again, I kind of prefer the flags be in the basket than on one.

94. Light up your 4th of July with this American flag candle log.

You can put a bunch of candles on it. It’s also painted with stars and stripes.

95. You can’t do wrong hanging red, white, and blue stars.

These are quite stunning. And once you cut out the stars, it’s easy to make.

96. A red, white, and blue star is pure patriotic splendor.

It’s made from wood which is mostly red and white. And it has a blue bar of stars. So lovely.

97. You’d see sparks coming from these dowel fireworks.

Well, the sparks seem to consist of yellow stars. But the blue gingham ribbon ties them all together.

98. Red and white flowers make for a simple 4th of July wreath.

Well, simpler than some of the other wreaths with flowers. Love the navy blue bow.

99. This American flag quilt is a real patchwork.

It’s an especially perfect American quilt for a patchwork nation. Because the US is a nation of diversity. Anyone who doesn’t believe that should get their racist head out of their ass.

100. Drape your American couch with this quality 4th of July quilt.

This is a quality quilt that seemed to win a prize. Anyway, it has an eagle with flag shield. Love it.

The Picnic World of Pies

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As we all know, summer is the season for picnics and special occasions whether it be graduations, weddings, family reunions, 4th of July, county fairs, local festivals, or what have you. And it goes without saying that many of these occasions feature a table of dessert of some sort like pie. Before he passed away in January, my grandfather was well-known for baking his pies with apple and cherry being his specialty. Still, though usually circular with pastry crust, pies can come in all different flavors from the traditional apple, cherry, and blueberry to even Millie’s chocolate shit pie from The Help. And let’s not get into what’s in Mrs. Lovett’s famous meat pies in Sweeny Todd. Though keep in mind that not all pies are used for dessert either since we have savory pies like chicken pot pie, meat pasties, and others. Then there’s the practice of pie throwing in people’s faces as slapstick comedy which usually involves one with cream. But there’s a recent trend of pieing becoming an act of political protest, though I’d reconsider throwing a cream pie in a politico’s face which can land you in a lot of trouble. Anyway, there are plenty of people who make pies with their own personal touch. So for your reading pleasure I bring you an oven load of unique pies to enjoy.

  1. Hope you find it in your heart to eat this pie.

This one has a crust of hearts, weavings, and flowers. Bet it took a long time to make it.

2. Perhaps it might be best if you enjoy your dessert.

So this isn’t the kind of pie you’d bring at a family reunion. Though I kind of find it funny.

3. Bet you’ve never seen an octopus pie before.

Don’t worry, I don’t think it has actual octopus in it. It’s just the crust. But yes, there are people who do eat octopus.

4. How about a pie with flowers and leaves?

Seems like some people take more time on the crust than others. Not exactly sure what this pie is.

5. For the holidays, try this Christmas crust.

Includes snowmen, snowflakes, Christmas trees, reindeer, and a couple of braids. And yes, it’s probably made by either a professional or someone with too much time on their hands.

6. I suppose this is a grape pie.

Well, it has grapes on the crust. Though the file name has Italian apple tart which is confusing.

7. Now I don’t have the slightest idea how to solve that problem.

It’s not that I’m bad at math. It’s just that I’m not good at solving complex math problems like this.

8. Floral designs always go well on the right crust.

Seems like floral motifs are a common crust motif. But such artistry would take forever to produce for most pies made in the kitchen.

9. I’m sure a stargazy pie may be worth your appetite.

It’s a pie from Cornwall in England. Though to me, the fish heads make the whole thing unappetizing to me.

10. For seaside picnics, a lobster pie will do.

Though it’s more or less a pie with a lobster on it. And no, it doesn’t have lobster in it. Though lobster pies do exist.

11. For a prettier apple pie, may I suggest your apples be roses?

Sure the apple roses are golden brown. But baked apples normally are that color. Got to like the leafed crust, too.

12. Fans of Game of Thrones might adore this Stark pumpkin pie.

Yes, Game of Thrones pies exist. I am not making this up. Though you wouldn’t want to bring this to a wedding.

13. If you want to find the circumference of this pie, this one has all you need.

Yes, it’s a pie with pi on it. Bet it’s used for Pi Day which is March 14 since the first 3 digits are 3.14.

14. A pie in the fall should have a tree with autumn leaves.

Bet this is an apple one given the crust. Though I’ve never seen leaves turn pink during the fall.

15. Speaking of tree pies, I hope this can suit your fancy.

Well, this one is a more elaborate design. Includes leaves on the edge as well as crusted fruit.

16. If you like roses, then you might like a bouquet of them in pastry dough.

Well, considering the detail, pastry roses must take long to make. But they’re nevertheless pretty.

17. For winter days, treat yourself to a nice, warm snowflake pie.

Though I have to admit, the crust was probably made with a snowflake mold. Or by a professional. Not sure which.

18. I suppose this is a chicken pot pie of some sort.

Well, it seems to be a chick in a pie. How else could I tell? Still, it’s kind of sick if you think about it too hard.

19. Help yourself to a slice of some flowery blueberry.

Guess flowers are a common crust motif. Still, it’s not bad to look at.

20. Leaves and berries make a fine pumpkin pie crust.

Bet this is for Thanksgiving since it has autumn motifs on it. Not sure what I think about the berries.

21. Make sure you use all the dough for a flowery crust.

After all, a floral crust is always sweet, especially in the spring and summer. Love the flower holes.

22. Perhaps you prefer your pie braided.

Guess this is another fall pie. Though the braids seem to give it a rustic touch.

23. Speaking of braids, this one comes with waves.

Yes, I understand braids are easy in dough. But this one makes it seem like an art form.

24. This strawberry rhubarb pie can use some flowers and leaves.

Well, you can’t hate the floral touches on this. But I’m sure you wouldn’t be making some of these pies in the kitchen.

25. This strawberry pie was made with nothing but love.

Because it has hearts all over it as you see. Then again, it was probably made for Valentine’s Day.

26. This crust is giving me butterflies.

Hey, it’s not always about hearts, flowers, and leaves, you know. But I kind of wish the butterflies had more color to them.

27. How about a knitted crust to keep your filling nice and warm?

Yes, this is a knitted crust, all right. How someone managed to achieve this, I’ll never know.

28. Seems like this ship is headed toward dangerous waters.

Hmm.. a pirate ship and a sea monster pie. Very interesting. Not something I’d think of serving at a family reunion.

29. This apple pie’s flowery crust is full of vivid color.

Hey, not all floral pies can have plain dough on them. Love the colors. So pretty.

30. For a dark night, you can’t get better than a pie like this.

Because we all know that Alfred has to make Bruce his special pie after a night beating the crap out of the Joker. Wonder what his recipe is.

31. Care for a Venn piagram?

Nor sure where I can get a pan like that. But at least this can serve more people than a regular pie. Just ask whether someone wants cherry or blueberry.

32. Hope you enjoy this new Apple iPie.

It’s a new concept in apple pie technology. With its rounded square crust, it’s a great marvel of the 21st century.

33. With this pie, you might want to have some peace.

As you can see it’s a peace sign with flowers and doves. And in Colorado, it might have a secret ingredient that gives you the munchies.

34. Care for a pie with an ivy crust?

It’s a strawberry one. But it sure shows more filling than some of the others.

35. I suppose a blackberry pie should come with a tree.

Then again, it might be vine with flowers. Apparently, this baker had too much time on their hands.

36. Making a crust like this should be easy as pie.

However, I’d beg to differ. But it’s suppose to kind of imply a pun, no less.

37. Perhaps you might have an easy time weaving your crust to keep in the filling.

Well, it certainly looks easier than some of the others. But sometimes weaving can be a pain in the ass.

38. If you can’t say something nice, say it with pie.