The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Friend Like Me”

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Now winning the Hunger Games is a very rare achievement in itself that victors are always guaranteed food, riches, and fame. They even get a nice house in the Victor’s Village in their district, which really helped Katniss and Peeta a great deal since they won the 74th Hunger Games in the first book. This is especially for Katniss since she grew up in dire poverty and spent her adolescence hunting for critters since her dad died in a mine explosion. They also got to live near their mentor, former Hunger Games victor, and broken alcoholic Haymitch Abernathy. Yet, a lot of victors don’t have nice lives, especially since they have to train future tributes who have a 23 to 1 chance of making it out alive. This is especially bad for Haymitch because virtually all the kids he’s mentored have died in the arena until Katniss and Peeta show up. However, fame and fortune isn’t nearly as exemplified than with former Hunger Games victor from District 4, Finnick Odair. Introduced in Catching Fire as a tribute for the 75th Hunger Games and third Quarter Quell (which reaped from the existing pool of victors that year like their All-Stars edition), he won his Games at the age of 14 thanks to being irresistible to audiences which brought him sponsors galore and merciless to his competition. His ornate trident that he used to single-handedly destroy his opponents was said to be the most expensive sponsor gift ever. After his win, he’s been very popular with the Capitol and had a reputation as a pretty womanizer who’s left a string of broken hearts (it’s actually not like that). And let’s just say his initial get up had to be a little more conservative for the movies to retain a PG-13. However, he’s actually a nice, fun guy when you get to know him as Katniss did.

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Now I thought an appropriate song parody would be “Friend Like Me” from Disney’s Aladdin. You know, the song where the Genie introduces himself in the cave and tells Aladdin that he’s his master and he could ask him 3 wishes (one of which Aladdin reserves to set him free). Still, in the Hunger Games version,  I had Finnick asking Katniss to be her ally at the third Quarter Quell in his true, fun-loving, public persona. This makes Katniss think that he’s a shallow pretty boy. Little does she and Peeta know that Haymitch has already taken care of that by arranging an alliance with half the Quell’s victors. Now let’s just say the Capitol must be pretty stupid to reap tributes from the pool of victors since a lot of them are good buddies with each other and have major issues with Panem’s totalitarian regime. Yeah, sure to have that end with a big arena escape.

 

“Friend Like Me”

Sung by Finnick Odair

 

Well, I won my Games at a mere 14

And hail from fishing District 4

I’m handy with a trident as you’ve seen

When I’ve used one to wipe the floor

 

I was a teenage heartthrob as you know

Attracting as many sponsors and broken hearts

I’ve got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how

But I’d rather not talk about that part

And I say

 

Miss Katniss Everdeen

What will your pleasure be?

Just watch me eat

These sugar cubes

You ain’t never had a friend like me

No no

 

I have a knack of knots

See me hang myself for free

Just let me join you in the Games

You ain’t never had a friend like me

 

Yes, I’m my district’s youngest victor

I’m a hunk

A champ, a star

 

Say what you wish

I sure can fish

As well as disembowel with these prongs

Do you find me quite distracting

Stripped to my underwear

I’m in the mood to help Peeta, too

You ain’t never had a friend like me

 

Can your friends make hooks?

Can your friends make nets?

Can your friends do CPR near an electric fence?

Can your friends make knots?

 

Well, looky here

Can your friends stab a Career right through the guts

And then excuse himself to take a pee?

So don’t cha think I’m a shallow pretty boy

But I can be a very merciless nightmare

You got me bona fide, certified

Better not mess with my trident if you dare

I got a powerful urge to help you out

So what-cha say? I really wanna know

Remember who the real enemy is, no doubt

But now’s let’s try to put on a show – and oh

 

Miss Katniss Everdeen, become my ally please

I’m on the job, you big nabob

You ain’t never had a friend, never had a friend

You ain’t never had a friend, never had a friend

You ain’t never had a friend like me

 

You ain’t never had a friend like me, hah!

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The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Master of the Games”

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A noteworthy and popular character in the Hunger Games is Seneca Crane, the Head Gamemaker of the 74th Hunger Games in the first book. Now in the books, he’s not mentioned by name until Catching Fire, when he’s good and dead for quite some time as we speak. Mostly because he let Katniss and Peeta live when they threatened to commit suicide together instead of kill one another. However, for him it was either having to choose between two victors or no victor at all. He went with two for a happy ending even if it didn’t end happy for him. But he play a major role in the first book in the behind the scenes, because after all, he’s the Head Gamemaker who’s in charge with what goes on in the arena. And yes, kids have died in the name of entertainment under his charge like from poisonous plants, monstrous creatures, and natural disasters. Still, according to Suzanne Collins, he doesn’t  know the true purpose of the Games and is only in it for the show biz and furthering his career. And he only kills teenagers in order to put on a good show. Nevertheless, he became rather popular when the first movie came out since his role was expanded and his awesome facial hair.

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For his number, I decided to have him explain his own occupation to the tune of “Master of the House” which is from the Victor Hugo based musical Les Miserables. Now the original talks about how the Thenardiers cheat their customers at their ramshackle inn which is about as filthy as what you’d expect from 1820s France. Yes, they may be quite entertaining but they are awful people who treat Cosette like shit and they’re even worse in the book. Of course, I’m not sure if they’re as bad as Seneca Crane. Yet, then again, Seneca Crane has a job in which killing teenagers is sort of part of the deal. And the Capitol is very insensitive to such teen violence that they see as entertainment. Yes, a reality show with a sick premise indeed.

 

“Master of the Games”

Sung by Seneca Crane

 

Seneca Crane, I have the beard

I am the man whom all tributes fear

I orchestrate stuff in the Games

Setting the scene and help entertain

Seldom do you see

Any men like me

Controlling the arena

Who’s content to be

 

Master of the Games, putting on a show

Overseeing the arena for the Hunger Games

Put some killer squirrels, make them shit their pants

Wait until you see the bullet ants

And we’re sure to have muttations

After some of them are through

But you haven’t seen nothing

You’ll see more disasters soon

 

Master of the Games, keeper of the zoo

Let’s unleash a killer bird or two

Add a little fire, sure to smoke them out

Sorry, a fellow tribute has just killed them now

Everybody loves a rookie

When everyone’s entertained

I do whatever pleases

The Capitol so nobody complains

 

Master of the Games, quick to catch yer eye

God help the tribute who avoids a fight

Add a little storm, add a little fog

Make it poisonous so they won’t last long!

Let’s have some tracker jackers

Don’t want to approach the nest

They’re deadly and persistent

So there’s not much to fight back

 

Show beyond compare, show beyond belief

Some won’t last a bloodbath and their time is brief

Fighting for supplies, fighting for a pack

Being attacked by Careers in the big bloodbath

Tributes are more than welcome

Cornucopia has supplies

Everybody loves

A catfight with two girls wielding knives

 

Make it pour blood rain, make it sunny bright

Mess with them by switching from day to night

Here’s a little blight, there a killer mutt

Hope you aren’t there when they all go rut

Some plants may be poison

Some tributes don’t have a clue

Don’t you eat the nightlock, it’s real deadly

Jesus! Shame they hadn’t knew!

 

I hope Snow is pleased with all my schemes

But God Almighty, hope the kids don’t form close teams.

 

Master of the Games? Is it worth my spit?

Go wrong, then Snow will surely lose his shit

Hope there’s just one left, hope they don’t make pacts

If they threaten suicide, then I’ll get the ax

What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a boss

God knows how I’ve lasted working for this bastard before I’m lost!

 

Master of the Games!

Keeper of the beard

Capitol lapdog whom

All tributes fear

Keep them entertained so they won’t complain

Don’t know why we have them but they sure are great!

 

Hope to have career advancement

Hope the Games go well this year

 

Everybody raise a glass

Hope Snow doesn’t nail my ass

Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the Games!