Salute the Red, White, and Blue United States of America with These Patriotic 4th of July Treats

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Now that Father’s Day is over, it’s now time for me to get some posts on the 4th of July in order to break the May to June slump. For you foreigners reading this blog, the 4th of July is a holiday Americans celebrate to mark the day the Declaration of Independence was issued in which made the United States a new nation on that day in 1776, thus formally and permanently severing ties with Great Britain. Well, we were fighting a war with Britain at the time anyway but that’s beside the point. Okay, we didn’t become independent as far as they’re concerned. But let me not get into the whole American Revolution thing because it would take me a very long time to explain. Anyway, despite the patriotic significance of the holiday, my family doesn’t place much emphasis on it. Well, we might see fireworks from the back yard but that’s about it. Hey, it’s not that we don’t love our country for I’ve had people in my family serve in the military. It’s just when it comes to patriotic holidays in my family, Thanksgiving is a bigger deal. Don’t ask me, it just is. Nevertheless, there are plenty of 4th of July celebrations in the country such as fireworks, parades, fairs, regattas, picnic and what have you. And yes, there are plenty of parties and drinking as well as picnics with their share of delectable delights. Of course, your standard Independence Day fair usually consists of the usual grilled hotdogs and hamburgers as well as a salad, chips, watermelon, or other side dishes. Sometimes you may even have steak, barbecue ribs, pulled pork, or even corn on the cob. Let’s just say there’s a lot of barbecue stuff on the menu. But in this post, I’ll introduce you to some treats that will truly capture the true patriotic spirit of Independence Day, especially if they’re in red, white, and blue. So without further adieu, salute your star spangled banner with these yankee doodle treats for your patriotic celebration.

1. For the 4th of July, grace your dessert tray with these star spangled sugar cookies.

Now these have stars and stripes all over them. And with the right combination, they would taste patriotically sweet.

Now these have stars and stripes all over them. And with the right combination, they would taste patriotically sweet.

2. For your 4th of July barbecue, show your love for America with this patriotic pasta salad.

Now this patriotic pasta salad is called this because it's one with the red, white, and blue noodles. Oh, and it has pepperoni in it, too.

Now this patriotic pasta salad is called this because it’s one with the red, white, and blue noodles. Oh, and it has pepperoni in it, too.

3. For your kids, this Uncle Sam ice cream treat will give them a star spangled smile on their faces.

Now I'm sure this might not be a good treat for a picnic since you'd have to freeze it. But I think it's cute nevertheless.

Now I’m sure this might not be a good treat for a picnic since you’d have to freeze it. But I think it’s cute nevertheless.

4. If appetizers are your thing, then you can’t go wrong with some star spangled cheese dip.

Now with some red, white, and blue dip, your crackers can now be dipped into some patriotic cheesiness. Just don't do it twice, as we've all know about the rule against double dipping.

Now with some red, white, and blue dip, your crackers can now be dipped into some patriotic cheesiness. Just don’t do it twice, as we’ve all know about the rule against double dipping.

5. Grace your dessert platter at your 4th of July picnic with this one-of-a-kind Uncle Sam hat cake.

Of course, Uncle Sam used to be an icon on old military recruitment posters. Now he's just a 4th of July holiday icon. Still, he does have a cool hat though.

Of course, Uncle Sam used to be an icon on old military recruitment posters. Now he’s just a 4th of July holiday icon. Still, he does have a cool hat though.

6. Bring in the fun in the sun on July 4th with these summer themed patriotic sugar cookies.

Now these consist of some striped sandals, American flag swimming trunks and bikini, a stars and stripes beach towel, and a red, white, and blue beach towel. Perfect for any 4th of July beach party if you ask me.

Now these consist of some striped sandals, American flag swimming trunks and bikini, a stars and stripes beach towel, and a red, white, and blue beach towel. Perfect for any 4th of July beach party if you ask me.

7. This cupcake is just as red, white, and blue in the filling as it’s in the icing.

Of course, when red, white, and blue mix together there's a potential for some purple. But nonetheless, a great addition for any flag waving American dessert table.

Of course, when red, white, and blue mix together there’s a potential for some purple. But nonetheless, a great addition for any flag waving American dessert table.

8. Want to know what’s more American than apple pie? Well, a strawberry and rhubarb Captain America pie, that is.

Ironically, this is an official dessert of the Avengers along with Tony Stark Sundae, Black Widow Brownies, Bruce Banner Bundt, Nick Fury Trifle, and Hawkeye Fruit Cake. Of course, many of these will become a real thing right after I mention them. Yeah, I'm sure there are comic book nerds who  also love to bake.

Ironically, this is an official dessert of the Avengers along with Tony Stark Sundae, Black Widow Brownies, Bruce Banner Bundt, Nick Fury Trifle, Thor Banana Split, and Hawkeye Fruit Cake. Of course, many of these will become a real thing right after I mention them. Yeah, I’m sure there are comic book nerds who also love to bake.

9. Fruit salad has never been more American than when it’s in a watermelon with an American flag.

Of course, this fruit salad contains watermelon as well as blueberries. But still, you have to admire the flag design on this.

Of course, this fruit salad contains watermelon as well as blueberries. But still, you have to admire the flag design on this.

10. Now white bread is a notable American staple. But red, white, and blue bread is even more American than that.

And it's almost in the form of an American flag. Still, I wonder how getting a slice like that is even possible.

And it’s almost in the form of an American flag. Still, I wonder how getting a slice like that is even possible.

11. Usher in the spirit at your 4th of July party with these American flag cake pops.

Oh, yes, I had to put some cake pop stuff in since they tend to have some for every holiday. Yet, I think some of the stripes could have more white icing than drizzle. But that's just me.

Oh, yes, I had to put some cake pop stuff in since they tend to have some for every holiday. Yet, I think some of the stripes could have more white icing than drizzle. But that’s just me.

12. For your patriotic party favors, perhaps these red, white, and blue chocolate stars on sticks may suit your fancy.

Well, they may seem like red, white, and blue tye die to some, but they'll do. I'm sure the kids will love them.

Well, they may seem like red, white, and blue tie die to some, but they’ll do. I’m sure the kids will love them.

13. If you don’t have red, white, and blue pasta for your salad, then I’m sure pepperoni, cheese, and olives will do as long as it’s in flag form.

Not sure what's under it but I can bet there will be more types of veggies. Still, it's hard to find a blue vegetable so olives will have to do.

Not sure what’s under it but I can bet there will be more types of veggies. Still, it’s hard to find a blue vegetable so olives will have to do.

14. For your 4th of July barbecue, I’m sure these red, white, and blue veggie kabobs will make a fine side dish.

Now this consists of at least red peppers and white onions. Not sure what's supposed to represent the blue one because it looks like a block.

Now this consists of at least red peppers and white onions. Not sure what’s supposed to represent the blue one because it looks like a block. Perhaps it’s eggplant.

15. For your 4th of July morning, there’s nothing like some fruit flag bread to start your day.

Now this consists of raspberries, banana, and blueberries. Of course, when it comes to patriotic treats, it's easier when it comes to fruit and  desserts. Not so much with other foods though.

Now this consists of raspberries, banana, and blueberries. Of course, when it comes to patriotic treats, it’s easier when it comes to fruit and desserts. Not so much with other foods though.

16. Nothing brings in the patriotic spirit of your 4th of July party than these star spangled jello cups.

Now while jello is used in many desserts like these, doesn't mean they're for kids. So if you see jello cups like this, ask the host if they contain alcohol before your kid gets a hold of one. You'd thank me later.

Now while jello is used in many desserts like these, doesn’t mean they’re for kids. So if you see jello cups like this, ask the host if they contain alcohol before your kid gets a hold of one. You’d thank me later.

17. For your 4th of July snack, you can’t go wrong with a patriotic popcorn on a stick.

Now I've never seen popcorn on a stick before. I've seen popcorn balls on Halloween and Christmas. But not that. Still, it's patriotic because of the sprinkles and icing.

Now I’ve never seen popcorn on a stick before. I’ve seen popcorn balls on Halloween and Christmas. But not that. Still, it’s patriotic because of the sprinkles and icing.

18. While burgers are a 4th of July stable, you can’t get more patriotic than an American flag bacon cheeseburger.

Now I'm sure these were created by some repressed art major. But still, I'd recommend that people stick with a regular burger, bacon cheese or not. Because this one looks like it might kill you.

Now I’m sure these were created by some repressed art major. But still, I’d recommend that people stick with a regular burger, bacon cheese or not. Because this one looks like it might kill you.

19. While you might not get star burgers, you can always have star buns.

Now these buns are made from corn bread. But I bet they'd be a hit at any 4th of July barbecue that features hamburgers and hotdogs.

Now these buns are made from corn bread. But I bet they’d be a hit at any 4th of July barbecue that features hamburgers and hotdogs.

20. Show your love for America this 4th of July with these Rice Krispie American flags.

Also, seems like Rice Krispies tend to be used a lot for holiday treats, too. Still, you can either put them on a stick or in a dish. Pretty clever if you think about it.

Also, seems like Rice Krispies tend to be used a lot for holiday treats, too. Still, you can either put them on a stick or in a dish. Pretty clever if you think about it.

21. A red, white, and blue tie dye cake will do quite nicely for your 4th of July dessert table.

And yes, the red, white, and blue run together inside the cake as well as on the icing. Quite innovative if I do say so myself.

And yes, the red, white, and blue run together inside the cake as well as on the icing. Quite innovative if I do say so myself.

22. For party favors, you can’t go wrong with these patriotic pretzel sticks.

Now these consist of pretzels, icing, M&Ms, and sprinkles. Seems like a really simple recipe. And I'm sure the kids will love it.

Now these consist of pretzels, icing, M&Ms, and sprinkles. Seems like a really simple recipe. And I’m sure the kids will love it.

23. Grace your 4th of July dessert platter with these red velvet brownie star snacks.

Now these consist of red velvet brownies, white icing, and blueberries. And they're made into sandwiches for good measure.

Now these consist of red velvet brownies, white icing, and blueberries. And they’re made into sandwiches for good measure.

24. What’s more American than apple pie? Well, a cherry and blueberry American flag pie for the 4th of July.

Yes, I'm sure this will make a fine American entry in any American 4th of July pie contest. Well, as long as it tastes good, that is. I'm sure any patriotic American will love this.

Yes, I’m sure this will make a fine American entry in any American 4th of July pie contest. Well, as long as it tastes good, that is. I’m sure any patriotic American will love this.

25. Now nothing makes a better centerpiece for a 4th of July dessert platter than a cake of an American flag.

Yes, this is a cake of the American Grand Old Flag, a high flying flag, and forever in peace may it reign. Okay, I'm sorry George M. Cohan but I know that you weren't really born on the 4th of July unlike Calvin Coolidge (who was kind of a shitty president during the 1920s).

Yes, this is a cake of the American Grand Old Flag, a high flying flag, and forever in peace may it reign. Okay, I’m sorry, George M. Cohan, but I know that you weren’t really born on the 4th of July unlike Calvin Coolidge (who was kind of a shitty president during the 1920s).

26. If you don’t want to make a mess with a pie, these blueberry star tarts will do just fine.

Now these can be baked in little glass containers as long as you're careful. So when serving them, you don't have to make a mess.

Now these can be baked in little glass containers as long as you’re careful. So when serving them, you don’t have to make a mess. Looks like something you’d see right off of Martha Stewart.

27. Nothing makes a more patriotic side dish at a 4th of July party than an American flag taco salad.

Sure it's not quite red, white, and blue but can anyone really name a naturally blue veggie? I can't. Still, this is a great way for Mexican Americans  to celebrate the 4th of July, not to be stereotypical here.

Sure it’s not quite red, white, and blue but can anyone really name a naturally blue veggie? I can’t. Still, this is a great way for Mexican Americans to celebrate the 4th of July, not to be stereotypical here.

28. For you patriotic dessert table, you can’t go wrong with a red, white, and blue sundae treat.

Now this has red and blue jello with whipped cream. Other than that, the decorations and sequence are up to you.

Now this has red and blue jello with whipped cream. Other than that, the decorations and sequence are up to you. But it’s a sundae to me even if it doesn’t contain ice cream.

29. Show your love for the United States of America with these heart and star American flag cookies.

Now I'm sure these were made in a bakery of some sort. But still, you have to love these cookies. If not, then you're not patriotic.

Now I’m sure these were made in a bakery of some sort. But still, you have to love these cookies. If not, then you’re not patriotic. Hating these cookies is very Un-American to say the least.

30. If you’re serving hamburgers at your 4th of July party, you can’t show your love of America more than with this American flag topping tray.

Now this contains sliced tomatos, provolone cheese, and some blue chips. Wonder why there are no lettuce and onions since they usually go on burgers, too.

Now this contains sliced tomatos, provolone cheese, and some blue chips. Wonder why there are no lettuce and onions since they usually go on burgers, too.

31. For the kids at your 4th of July party, it’s best to make red, white, and blue candy rockets.

Amazing what you can do with some fruit roll ups, life savers, and a stick. Of course, this is probably one of the easiest things to make on here.

Amazing what you can do with some fruit roll ups, life savers, and a stick. Of course, this is probably one of the easiest things to make on here.

32. If an American flag cake is too much for you, you can always go with American flag and firework cupcakes.

Now whether flag and firework, you can bet they will have red, white, and blue icing on them. Ironically, I usually display cupcakes earlier in the holiday treat posts. Then again, you have a lot patriotic treats here.

Now whether flag and firework, you can bet they will have red, white, and blue icing on them. Ironically, I usually display cupcakes earlier in the holiday treat posts. Then again, you have a lot patriotic treats here.

33. Now when it comes to snacks, you can’t do wrong on the 4th of July with a bowl of patriotic popcorn.

Wonder how they get the sprinkles to stick to the corn kernels. It's just a thought. Then again, it's mostly white because it doesn't use butter salts. But it probably has salt in it though.

Wonder how they get the sprinkles to stick to the corn kernels. It’s just a thought. Then again, it’s mostly white because it doesn’t use butter salts. But it probably has salt in it though.

34. For healthier options, celebrate the 4th of July with some red, white, and blue sushi.

Don't tell me that they celebrate the 4th of July in Japan. Then again, this might be some Japanese American idea. Still, I like how some of the red peppers give the impression of fireworks. Also available in caviar. But please, stick with the peppers because caviar is expensive.

Don’t tell me that they celebrate the 4th of July in Japan. Then again, this might be some Japanese American idea. Still, I like how some of the red peppers give the impression of fireworks. Also available in caviar. But please, stick with the peppers because caviar is expensive.

35. For you flag waving patriots out there, you can’t go wrong with some cookies decorated with Old Glory.

Now I'm sure putting the 50 sprinkles in the blue part wasn't easy. Then again, these bar cookies could've been done by a professional baker. But they will go nice with the American flag cake.

Now I’m sure putting the 50 sprinkles in the blue part wasn’t easy. Then again, these bar cookies could’ve been done by a professional baker. But they will go nice with the American flag cake.

36. What’s more American than an American flag cake? An American flag in a cake.

Now this had to be professionally done since there's no way someone could get a flag on a cake that brilliantly. Still, as to how this process is done, I'm just as awe stricken as I'd be seeing fireworks.

Now this had to be professionally done since there’s no way someone could get a flag on a cake that brilliantly. Still, as to how this process is done, I’m just as awe stricken as I’d be seeing fireworks.

37. Nothing makes a more patriotic dessert than American flag star cookies.

Now these are arranged as an American flag just to keep that in mind. Yet, it's in such a jumbled up mess that it almost has a patriotic surrealist quality.

Now these are arranged as an American flag just to keep that in mind. Yet, it’s in such a jumbled up mess that it almost has a patriotic surrealist quality.

38. While some American flag cakes are laid flat, there are some who go with the wavy Old Glory option.

Now this was definitely done by a professional as I've seen in the detail. But  it would make a fine centerpiece on any dessert platter in many respects.

Now this was definitely done by a professional as I’ve seen in the detail. But it would make a fine centerpiece on any dessert platter in many respects.

39. What’s more patriotic than American flag star cookies. American flag star cookies with the, “Pledge of Allegiance.”

Certainly professionally done since most people really can't write so well in icing. Also, the stripes are vertical, but then again, it's supposed to represent the red stripes.

Certainly professionally done since most people really can’t write so well in icing. Also, the stripes are vertical, but then again, it’s supposed to represent the red stripes. Probably a way to save on icing.

40. Nothing makes a more American pizza than a flag one with bacon and blue corn chips.

Sure it may be a very American pizza dish. But please, all that bacon, cheese, and corn chips can't really be good for you. This goes especially for the bacon stripes.

Sure it may be a very American pizza dish. But please, all that bacon, cheese, and corn chips can’t really be good for you. This goes especially for the bacon stripes.

41. On the 4th of July there’s nothing better to show your love of country than a red, white, and blue trifle.

I see quite a few of thee but they usually contain cake, whipped cream, blueberries, and strawberries. But the designs on top usually vary considerably.

I see quite a few of thee but they usually contain cake, whipped cream, blueberries, and strawberries. But the designs on top usually vary considerably.

42. Enjoy your chili dog on the 4th of July with this one-of-a-kind red, white, and blue bun.

Surprisingly, this was created by a Brazilian food vendor last year during the Men's World Cup in Rio de Janiero. I'm not sure if you can get it in the states unless one person gets an idea. Still, I'm sure the vendor got a lot of stuff right about Americans in this one chili dog, which is kind of disturbing.

Surprisingly, this was created by a Brazilian food vendor last year during the Men’s World Cup in Rio de Janiero. I’m not sure if you can get it in the states unless one person gets an idea. Still, I’m sure the vendor got a lot of stuff right about Americans in this one chili dog, which is kind of disturbing.

43. For those who have kids, patriotic children will certain love these 4th of July bear cookies.

Seems like they have their faces painted for some 4th of July sporting event. But they're quite cute, nevertheless. Definitely a treat for children.

Seems like they have their faces painted for some 4th of July sporting event. But they’re quite cute, nevertheless. Definitely a treat for children.

44. Nothing shows the patriotic spirit on the 4th of July than some Uncle Sam marshmallow and cracker hats.

Now these seem to contain Ritz crackers, marshmallows, and fruit roll-up. I'm sure decor and food coloring are involved. But these are quite adorable for any dessert platter.

Now these seem to contain Ritz crackers, marshmallows, and fruit roll-up. I’m sure decor and food coloring are involved. But these are quite adorable for any dessert platter.

45. If patriotic popcorn doesn’t cut it, you can always go with some patriotic American flag pretzels.

All these contain are waffle pretzels, red, white, and blue icing, and sprinkles. Of course, it would take a long time to decorate a whole bowl of them and then some from what I see here.

All these contain are waffle pretzels, red, white, and blue icing, and sprinkles. Of course, it would take a long time to decorate a whole bowl of them and then some from what I see here.

46. For those who wish to have a healthier American flag cake, you can always decorate it with fruit.

Now I've seen a lot of these and most of them usually have blueberries and strawberries for obvious reasons. However, blackberries and raspberries work, too,

Now I’ve seen a lot of these and most of them usually have blueberries and strawberries for obvious reasons. However, blackberries and raspberries work, too,

47. Have a blast this 4th of July with these explosive firework cookies.

Now these were probably professionally done since they icing designs are so intricate. But they'll probably make an explosively fine addition to your dessert table while people are watching fireworks.

Now these were probably professionally done since they icing designs are so intricate. But they’ll probably make an explosively fine addition to your dessert table while people are watching fireworks.

48. Celebrate the 4th of July at your picnic with some red, white, and blue jello salad.

Uses the same dish you'd use for a trifle. Not sure what fruits are in here though. But maybe that's the point.

Uses the same dish you’d use for a trifle. Not sure what fruits are in here though. But maybe that’s the point.

49. Nothing shows your love more for the US national symbol than these bald eagle treats.

Of course, some might find the fact these only are heads a bit disconcerting. But they're nevertheless cute.

Of course, some might find the fact these only are heads a bit disconcerting. But they’re nevertheless cute. A good dessert for kids who can tolerate coconut.

50. Tired of eating your hotdog on a bun? For the 4th of July, you can use some hotdog wraps and fashion them as firecrackers.

They're usually topped with cheese and put on a stick. Sometimes the cheese can be in a star or a triangle. And sometimes they they have cupcake wrappers under them.

They’re usually topped with cheese and put on a stick. Sometimes the cheese can be in a star or a triangle. And sometimes they they have cupcake wrappers under them.

51. If you want to make an explosive impression this 4th of July, these red, white, and blue star sugar cookies will certainly be a blast with your guests.

Now these couldn't be made without the magic of food coloring. Still, this won't stop you from stacking them as well as giving them features of star shaped firecrackers.

Now these couldn’t be made without the magic of food coloring. Still, this won’t stop you from stacking them as well as giving them features of star shaped firecrackers.

52. Speaking of firecracker treats, sugar covered marshmallows and licorice make great fireworks, too.

Now these must be jammed pack with some sickeningly sweet sugar. But I'm certainly they're easy to make and your kids will love them.

Now these must be jammed pack with some sickeningly sweet sugar. But I’m certainly they’re easy to make and your patriotic kids will love them.

53. For those looking for a more healthy option that’s easy to make, then try these American flag fruit kabobs.

Now these usually consist of blueberries and strawberries on skewers. Sometimes there are marshmallows. Sometimes there are not.

Now these usually consist of blueberries and strawberries on skewers. Sometimes there are marshmallows. Sometimes there are not.

54. Instead of buying rocket pops for the kiddies, celebrate the 4th of July with these patriotic popsicles.

Now I'm not sure what these contain. Then again, they might have fruit in them. Still, your kids will love them.

Now I’m not sure what these contain. Then again, they might have fruit in them. Still, your kids will love them.

55. Nothing brings in the 4th of July spirit at a picnic more than red, white, and blue fudge stars.

Man, isn't there anyone who doesn't like fudge? Other than nutritionists or dietitians? Then again, best to eat one patriotic fudge star at a time.

Man, isn’t there anyone who doesn’t like fudge? Other than nutritionists or dietitians? Then again, best to eat one patriotic fudge star at a time.

56. When it comes to charming your guests at the 4th of July barbecue, red, white, and blue deviled eggs make the ideal appetizer.

What disappoints me about these eggs is that they most likely weren't laid by a red, white, and blue chicken. Now that would've been awesome.

What disappoints me about these eggs is that they most likely weren’t laid by a red, white, and blue chicken. Now that would’ve been awesome.

57. No 4th of July cupcakes can ever achieve the level of patriotic goodness than those with hotdogs on them.

Now these are so adorable and less disgusting than the real thing (despite not having as much nutritional value). Seriously, I'll only have a hotdog whenever there's no other option at a barbecue, especially after taking a chemistry in college.

Now these are so adorable and less disgusting than the real thing (despite not having as much nutritional value). Seriously, I’ll only have a hotdog whenever there’s no other option at a barbecue, especially after taking a chemistry in college.

58. Celebrate Independence Day with an appetizer of red, white, and blue watermelon and cheese stars.

I can tell that's cheese because it's flat. Also, they're topped with blueberries for the blue part as toothpicks hold all the parts together.

I can tell that’s cheese because it’s flat. Also, they’re topped with blueberries for the blue part as toothpicks hold all the parts together.

59. What’s more American than an American flag cake? A cake of the United States of America.

Excludes, Alaska, Hawaii, as well as any US territory, commonwealth, and possession. Nevertheless, it's covered in as much red and blue fruit as possible.

Excludes, Alaska, Hawaii, as well as any US territory, commonwealth, and possession. Nevertheless, it’s covered in as much red and blue fruit as possible.

60. Nothing can make a kid so yankee doodle dandy on the 4th of July than having his or her own marshmallow pinwheel on a stick.

Of course, these seemed have marshmallow fluff and fruit roll-up in a swirl. And no, they don't look like pinwheels. But I'm sure some people will love it.

Of course, these seemed have marshmallow fluff and fruit roll-up in a swirl. And no, they don’t look like pinwheels. But I’m sure some people will love it.

61. Show the true patriotic spirit of American desserts with these red, white, and blue cheesecakes.

The great part of this patriotic dessert is that you don't have to put it in the oven. Said to contain raspberry gelatin. Enjoy.

The great part of this patriotic dessert is that you don’t have to put it in the oven. Said to contain raspberry gelatin. Enjoy.

62. Get the 4th of July fireworks party started with these red, white, and blue jello shots.

Now despite containing, jello, star spangled sugar cookies, and whipped cream, these aren't for anyone under 21. I mean jello shots contain alcohol, which means after a few you might not want to variety of tasks such as driving, making love, and singing karaoke. You have been warned.

Now despite containing, jello, star spangled sugar cookies, and whipped cream, these aren’t for anyone under 21. I mean jello shots contain alcohol, which means after a few you might not want to variety of tasks such as driving, making love, and singing karaoke. You have been warned.

63. For your side at the 4th of July barbecue really show your love for the stars and stripes with these patriotic biscuits.

 From how I see it, images consist of "USA," American flag heart, Uncle Sam hat, and red and blue star. There may be more though. I'm not sure where you get these or if you have to make them yourself.

From how I see it, images consist of “USA,” American flag heart, Uncle Sam hat, and red and blue star. There may be more though. I’m not sure where you get these or if you have to make them yourself.

64. For any star spangled 4th of July party, a red, white, and blue gelatin is the ideal patriotic dessert.

Now this is a bunt jello dessert in red, white, and blue layers. Of course, I seem to have a lot of jello dishes in my post for some reason. Maybe it's because it's summer.

Now this is a bunt jello dessert in red, white, and blue layers. Of course, I seem to have a lot of jello dishes in my post for some reason. Maybe it’s because it’s summer.

65. For your dessert platter, show your patriotism with these pinwheel icebox cookies.

I'm sure these might be store bought from some Pillsbury package.  Then again, they might've been homemade by rolling 3 different colors of dough together. I'm not sure if your guests will notice either way.

I’m sure these might be store bought from some Pillsbury package. Then again, they might’ve been homemade by rolling 3 different colors of dough together. I’m not sure if your guests will notice either way.

66. Heard of “The Star Spangled Banner?” Perhaps you can try this star spangled pizza.

Now the toppings only consist of 3 ingredients such as tomato sauce, cheese, and blue corn chips. Well, the third because you can't really find a lot of blue foods you can put on a pizza.

Now the toppings only consist of 3 ingredients such as tomato sauce, cheese, and blue corn chips. Well, the third because you can’t really find a lot of blue foods you can put on a pizza.

67. For your 4th of July party, these patriotic fruit tarts are as healthy and American as apple pie.

Of course the two biggest ones consist of a star and an American flag. Not sure about the other 3.

Of course the two biggest ones consist of a star and an American flag. Not sure about the other 3. Then again, I’m sure they’re a hit at the dessert table.

68. For your 4th of July dinner, serve your party guests up with a plate of red, white, and blue spaghetti.

Of course, even from looking at this, I can't really tell whether you should serve it hot or cold. But I'm certain you shouldn't serve it with tomato sauce. That is, unless it has blue meatballs, too. But I doubt it.

Of course, even from looking at this, I can’t really tell whether you should serve it hot or cold. But I’m certain you shouldn’t serve it with tomato sauce. That is, unless it has blue meatballs, too. But I doubt it.

69. Salute America on the 4th of July with these red, white, and blue star shots.

As with the jello shots, these contain alcohol. So therefore, they aren't for anyone under 21. Also, they're more often than not used in cocktail parties, by the way. Just giving you a heads up.

As with the jello shots, these contain alcohol. So therefore, they aren’t for anyone under 21. Also, they’re more often than not used in cocktail parties, by the way. Just giving you a heads up.

70. For those scrambling to find something to make for the kids, look no further than this American flag snack tray so you can have more time on your Independence Day.

Now this includes, licorice, blueberries, white chocolate covered pretzels, and popcorn. Seems to be a little light on the popcorn. Not sure why.

Now this includes, licorice, blueberries, white chocolate covered pretzels, and popcorn. Seems to be a little light on the popcorn. Not sure why.

71. Uncle Sam wants you to serve your 4th of July guests with a fruit pizza of his hat.

Now this consists of strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries at various parts. Still, seems like it was created from some repressed art major working at some job with limited creativity.

Now this consists of strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries at various parts. Still, seems like it was created from some repressed art major working at some job with limited creativity.

72. Treat the kiddies this 4th of July with these Uncle Sam peanut cookies.

Well, the picture calls these, "Uncle Sam Nutter Butter Cookies." Still, even if your kid thinks Uncle Sam is the brother to Colonel Sanders, they will probably enjoy them just the same.

Well, the picture calls these, “Uncle Sam Nutter Butter Cookies.” Still, even if your kid thinks Uncle Sam is the brother to Colonel Sanders, they will probably enjoy them just the same.

73. Show your 4th of July party guests your love of America with this American flag vegetable tray.

Sure it might not be as red, white, and blue as you want it to be but it'll do. Comes with blue dill dip possibly made from cream cheese. Nevertheless, basically the only veggie try I have in this post so far.

Sure it might not be as red, white, and blue as you want it to be but it’ll do. Comes with blue dill dip possibly made from cream cheese. Nevertheless, basically the only veggie try I have in this post so far.

74. For dessert, treat your 4th of July guest with a red, white, and blue tart with stars.

Now I've put a lot of tarts on this post. This is one of the few that seems to come in a bar and ripped off from some cookbook. Contains raspberries and blueberries.

Now I’ve put a lot of tarts on this post. This is one of the few that seems to come in a bar and ripped off from some cookbook. Contains raspberries and blueberries.

75. For this 4th of July morning, wake up to the smell of patriotic pancakes.

Yes, these flapjacks come in red, white and blue. Perhaps to make it more patriotic, they should've had some blueberry and cherry syrup as well as   whipped cream.

Yes, these flapjacks come in red, white and blue. Perhaps to make it more patriotic, they should’ve had some blueberry and cherry syrup as well as whipped cream. Seriously, what else is the pancake station for?

76. For you patriotic pasta fans, celebrate your 4th of July with a dish of American flag lasagna.

Sure there's no blue in it but you'd have to make do with mushrooms. Unless you want to use blue corn chips. Still, love how they have the tomato sauce and cheese stripes.

Sure there’s no blue in it but you’d have to make do with mushrooms. Unless you want to use blue corn chips. Still, love how they have the tomato sauce and cheese stripes.

77. Celebrate your Independence Day at your party with a jello dessert of a waving Old Glory.

Now this has a red jello decorated with whipped cream and blueberries. It's also surrounded by fruit, too.

Now this has a red jello decorated with whipped cream and blueberries. It’s also surrounded by fruit, too.

78. Whether you love America or are a fan of the Avengers, we can all agree that a Captain America pizza is great for any 4th of July party.

Now if you want an Avengers party, you might want to include things like Thor T-Bone Steaks, Ironman enchiladas, Hulk Hotdogs, Black Widow Burgers, Nick Fury Fries, and Hawkeye potato salad. You can serve these with some Loki lemonade if you want. But yeah, Captain America's shield does make a great design for a pizza.

Now if you want an Avengers party, you might want to include things like Thor T-Bone Steaks, Ironman enchiladas, Hulk Hotdogs, Black Widow Burgers, Nick Fury Fries, and Hawkeye potato salad. You can serve these with some Loki lemonade if you want. But yeah, Captain America’s shield does make a great design for a pizza.

79. These Captain America rice cakes will be a great patriotic treat for any All-American boy into Marvel.

Sure Captain America may not be your son's favorite Avenger. But he's the only one who's supposed to be a patriotic mascot and carries a red, white and blue shield. Well, the white part might be silver, but still.

Sure Captain America may not be your son’s favorite Avenger. But he’s the only one who’s supposed to be a patriotic mascot and carries a red, white and blue shield. Well, the white part might be silver, but still.

80. Bring the American spirit at your appetizer snack platter with this patriotic fruit tray.

Now this tray consists of watermelon, blueberries, and cheese. Yes, doesn't have much of a selection but when it comes to 4th of July treats, you have to go with the red, white, and blue.

Now this tray consists of watermelon, blueberries, and cheese. Yes, doesn’t have much of a selection but when it comes to 4th of July treats, you have to go with the red, white, and blue.

The Little World of Miniature Gardens

miniature-garden3

While gardening can be quite an art form, there are plenty of people who can’t really have a garden of their own, possibly due to living in the city. There are some people who really don’t like to do all the hard yard work such as digging, planting, and weeding. And there are some who may not be able to grow a garden due to some health issue or simply can’t deal with the changing seasonal weather. Fortunately, there’s a growing trend in the realm of miniature gardening in which you build a garden landscape in the confines of a container or limited space of dirt consisting miniature structures and real plants. Since many tend to  be in containers, you can tend to them year round but have a rather slow growth rate. Still, they can last up to 8 years without needing too much care besides watering the plants, of course. So for those who love gardening but hate gardening maintenance, this might be the kind of gardening for you which requires no backbreaking digging, no weeding, no garden pests, no chemical fertilizers or pest controls, and no need to clean out the dead foliage every spring. Now that’s the good news. Also, you can put your miniature garden in just about anything and take it indoors if the weather gets cold. The bad news, well, it can become a very expensive hobby once you add some of the accessories involved. Nevertheless, despite it being a seemingly recent trend, miniature gardening originated with the bonsai dish garden from Japan (which is actually no surprise to me since the bonsai gardens totally make sense. I mean we’ve all know that the bonsai is a Japanese tree). And it was at the Japanese Pavilion at the Chicago 1893 World’s Fair where they debuted in the United States in which these garden creations were featured in an article by The New York Times. Nevertheless, these little gardens immediately became popular in a lot of places this art form has been passed from one generation to the next as well as seen as an activity for families to do together. Still, it’s very much a subculture of its own with places you can buy plants and accessories as well as its own competitions (there’s at least one in the Boston Flower and Garden Show). Oh, and at some colleges, you can even take a class or workshop in it, too. Still, if you’re one of the creative green thumbs desperate for an outlet to express yourself, the this is for you. In this post, you’ll see a treasure trove of the small garden world filled with the green glory enchantment with none of the heavy yard work. So for your reading pleasure here is a treasure trove of specimens depicting the tiny life of miniature garden landscapes.

1. Flowers are in bloom in the tiny garden village, possibly in the spring.

Reminds you of the beautiful stone villages you see in fairy tales. Of course, this is a more large scale venture by some person who's certainly not poor. Still, I wonder how you can get those very tiny flowers.

Reminds you of the beautiful stone villages you see in fairy tales. Of course, this is a more large scale venture by some person who’s certainly not poor. Still, I wonder how you can get those very tiny flowers.

2. Here is a flower pot garden with two fawns in a forest clearing during the spring.

Now for those on a budget, this is a more financially manageable scene. Still, let's hope those fawns have someone to look after them. Because you know what happened to Bambi's mom.

Now for those on a budget, this is a more financially manageable scene. Still, let’s hope those fawns have someone to look after them. Because you know what happened to Bambi’s mom.

3. Of course, you don’t always have to put a lot of plants in your garden patio.

Now the top layer consists of much which most people usually don't put in their patio areas. But this is a rather idyllic scene on the birdbath. And it doesn't use a lot of accessories in the process.

Now the top layer consists of much which most people usually don’t put in their patio areas. But this is a rather idyllic scene on the birdbath. And it doesn’t use a lot of accessories in the process.

4. Seems like the fairies have hung their clothes out to dry.

And they seem to wash their clothes with pre-20th century washing technology. Seems like these fairies have never heard of a washer or dryer in any way, shape, or form. Still, if they want their clothes cleaned, shouldn't they just use magic?

And they seem to wash their clothes with pre-20th century washing technology. Seems like these fairies have never heard of a washer or dryer in any way, shape, or form. Still, if they want their clothes cleaned, shouldn’t they just use magic?

5. Not all miniature gardens need accessories. This one goes for a more naturalistic approach.

Now this is a lovely miniature garden that's set up like a forest. But though there's not much undergrowth under the bonsais, I'm sure the rocks give it a more realistic touch.

Now this is a lovely miniature garden that’s set up like a forest. But though there’s not much undergrowth under the bonsais, I’m sure the rocks give it a more realistic touch.

6. Now this miniature garden is very pretty when it lights up at night.

Now this garden really brings emphasis to the flowers which are simply beautiful. Man, I wonder how these light bulbs can be so small.

Now this garden really brings emphasis to the flowers which are simply beautiful. Man, I wonder how these light bulbs can be so small. Really gives you a lovely night impression, does it?

7. Is that bridge over a stream of water or gravel?

It's not uncommon for garden miniatures to contain waterways made from gravel than actual water. Just because real water doesn't really conform to aesthetics and would be absorbed by the plants.

It’s not uncommon for garden miniatures to contain waterways made from gravel than actual water. Just because real water doesn’t really conform to aesthetics and would be absorbed by the plants.

8. When it comes to miniature gardens, a broken flower pot will do just as good as any.

While broken  flower pots may not be used for regular plant, you can plant a miniature garden in one just fine, especially if you want it to include elevation like a garden path up to a house.

While broken flower pots may not be used for regular plant, you can plant a miniature garden in one just fine, especially if you want it to include elevation like a garden path up to a house.

9. In a small garden plot, a reasonable space can be whole miniature garden village.

Now I'm sure this garden is in a warmer place since  it probably wouldn't last a winter where I live. Still, it's very elaborate and beautiful.

Now I’m sure this garden is in a warmer place since it probably wouldn’t last a winter where I live. Still, it’s very elaborate and beautiful with rows of grass, bushes, and gravel paths.

10. Now this rock garden has a lovely stonework path.

Now this really gives you an impression with the bench, birdhouse, and small water hole. Whether it's supposed to be somebody's yard or a public park, you can never be exactly sure.

Now this really gives you an impression with the bench, birdhouse, and small water hole. Whether it’s supposed to be somebody’s yard or a public park, you can never be exactly sure.

11. Now this beautiful miniature garden seems like it’s taken from a mansion or some large fairy tale palace grounds.

Now I just have to love the beautiful waterfall on this, even if the water isn't real. Still, I wish some of the dirt patches can have some greenery on it. But still, these gardens can get pretty elaborate if I do say so myself.

Now I just have to love the beautiful waterfall on this, even if the water isn’t real. Still, I wish some of the dirt patches can have some greenery on it. But still, these gardens can get pretty elaborate if I do say so myself.

12. A garden like this can be any fairy’s dream, if one decides to adopt a more suburban lifestyle.

Now sometimes these are also called,

Now sometimes these are also called, “fairy gardens.” Not sure why because a lot of miniature gardens come in a variety of different types. So I used an all encompassing term.

13. While some miniature gardens are seen as hangouts for fairies, this one clearly seems to go to the birds.

Now I'm sure this isn't for real birds since the birdhouses are so small. For places for birds to call home, see a previous post I have called

Now I’m sure this isn’t for real birds since the birdhouses are so small. For places for birds to call home, see a previous post I have called “This Old Birdhouse.” Do it now.

14. A little patch like this is a miniature version of what every gardener needs.

Now this is a lovely miniature garden with a shed, place for seedlings, and even a scarecrow. Yet, you can tell which side is for flowers and which is for vegetables.

Now this is a lovely miniature garden with a shed, place for seedlings, and even a scarecrow. Yet, you can tell which side is for flowers and which is for vegetables.

15.  If it wasn’t for a container, I would’ve sworn this was a real place.

As I've said miniature garden designs can get very elaborate and this is no exception. Still, you would more likely see this as your next door neighbor's place than a fairy though.

As I’ve said miniature garden designs can get very elaborate and this is no exception. Still, you would more likely see this as your next door neighbor’s place than a fairy though.

16. A faux water miniature garden like this is a fairy’s paradise.

Now I really like the flowers on this. And while the water may consist of a bunch of blue gravel, at least it looks better than white.

Now I really like the flowers on this. And while the water may consist of a bunch of blue gravel, at least it looks better than white.

17. While an algae pond may be disgusting in real life, it’s not always the case in a mini garden.

Now in a real garden, such a scene would pretty much look like shit at certain times of the year. But in this scene, it's quite beautiful and you don't have to do a ton of maintenance.

Now in a real garden, such a scene would pretty much look like shit at certain times of the year. But in this scene, it’s quite beautiful and you don’t have to do a ton of maintenance.

18. A rusty wheelbarrow makes the perfect place for a miniature garden of a log cabin settlement.

Of course, this place has a lot of plants as well as some farm animals. Still, as a whole it looks wonderful. See I said that you can use any container for a miniature garden. Even a wheelbarrow.

Of course, this place has a lot of plants as well as some farm animals. Still, as a whole it looks wonderful. See I said that you can use any container for a miniature garden. Even a wheelbarrow.

19. Have your miniature garden near a tree? Put some windows and a door to pass it as a fairy house.

Other than the accessories, I'm sure this fairy garden didn't cost much. Then again, I'm not sure if the moss was already there. Probably not.

Other than the accessories, I’m sure this fairy garden didn’t cost much. Then again, I’m not sure if the moss was already there. Probably not.

20. Other than the path and the bridge, almost everything seems to be made from sticks here.

Now this was made from 2 flower pots with one on top of the other. Reminds me of some tropical paradise despite that this fairy seems to have his or her own vegetable garden.

Now this was made from 2 flower pots with one on top of the other. Reminds me of some tropical paradise despite that this fairy seems to have his or her own vegetable garden.

21. A rustic wooden wagon makes an excellent planter.

Also, if your miniature garden is in a wagon, it's easier to transport and you don't have to worry about potentially dumping it, unlike a wheelbarrow. Still, it's quite beautiful and an ideal fairy mecca as I see it.

Also, if your miniature garden is in a wagon, it’s easier to transport and you don’t have to worry about potentially dumping it, unlike a wheelbarrow. Still, it’s quite beautiful and an ideal fairy mecca as I see it.

22. A wooden bucket might not be good for much, but you miniature garden will thrive in it.

Seems like this is a little housing block we have here and a lovely one at that. Also seems like there's a satyr underneath that toadstool.

Seems like this is a little housing block we have here and a lovely one at that. Also seems like there’s a satyr underneath that toadstool.

23. Only in miniature can a castle garden stand in your back yard. Or front.

I don't know about you, but if Albus Dumbledore had a vacation home in Florida, I think it would look exactly like that. Don't know why he'd have one or what he'd do there. Still,  it's very pretty nevertheless.

I don’t know about you, but if Albus Dumbledore had a vacation home in Florida, I think it would look exactly like that. Don’t know why he’d have one or what he’d do there. Still, it’s very pretty nevertheless.

24. In real life you’d swear this scene was of an abandoned place gone to shit. As a miniature garden, it’s a work of art.

For a person, a place like this life size would be one  people would want to avoid at all costs (save maybe for a few idiot teenagers in slasher movies, particularly if they're black guys {since they're usually killed first}). For a fairy garden, it's a beautiful nature scene.

For a person, a place like this life size would be one people would want to avoid at all costs (save maybe for a few idiot teenagers in slasher movies, particularly if they’re black guys {since they’re usually killed first}). For a fairy garden, it’s a beautiful nature scene.

25. You can always find beauty near the beach so why not integrate it with your miniature garden?

You can create all kinds of scenes with these mini gardens. Still, I'm not sure if those are real beach plants, but they go with the garden very well.

You can create all kinds of scenes with these mini gardens. Still, I’m not sure if those are real beach plants, but they go with the garden very well. Also love how the stones are used for ocean.

26. For Christmas, you can put your miniature garden in the festive spirit.

Yes, they have Christmas decorations for mini gardens.  They have decor for other holidays, too. Well, you can keep these kinds of gardens  all year round. There's no weather to stop you.

Yes, they have Christmas decorations for mini gardens. They have decor for other holidays, too. Well, you can keep these kinds of gardens all year round. There’s no weather to stop you.

27. Now this is a flower garden with its own fountain and fence all covered in ivy.

I'm sure that this comes from some decrepit estate or pleasure garden. But I think it's quite beautiful to say the least.

I’m sure that this comes from some decrepit estate or pleasure garden. But I think it’s quite beautiful to say the least.

28. Seems like the fairies are real soccer fans in these parts.

And they seem to really like to party from what I see on the patio. Also, that's a very full bonsai tree.

And they seem to really like to party from what I see on the patio. Also, that’s a very full bonsai tree. Really like the flags, too. And the dog.

29. On this miniature garden, everything seems covered with green.

Now this seems like a fairy hideaway you might see in Florida from my perspective. Yet, most of the

Now this seems like a fairy hideaway you might see in Florida from my perspective. Yet, most of the “grass” you see is moss. But I think it’s quite lovely.

30. In a miniature garden, you can only get to the shrine when you climb the steps.

From a unbroken flower pot, this mountainside shrine would've been almost impossible. Though I know it would be almost impractical, it would've been nice to have a waterfall there.

From a unbroken flower pot, this mountainside shrine would’ve been almost impossible. Though I know it would be almost impractical, it would’ve been nice to have a waterfall there.

31. You can make a miniature garden in almost anything, even a chair.

Seems that a lot of fairies tend to reside in this beautiful chair garden. The flowers are simply breathtaking in this.

Seems that a lot of fairies tend to reside in this beautiful chair garden. The flowers are simply breathtaking in this.

32. Now this village is quite an idyllic miniature world, even if all the foliage seems overgrown.

This little corner has a church, a birdhouse, a wheelbarrow, and a happy little tire swing.  Also, has a few little figures, too.

This little corner has a church, a birdhouse, a wheelbarrow, and a happy little tire swing. Also, has a few little figures, too.

33. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you a mini garden of Stonehenge.

Now I couldn't pass this one up since Stonehenge is a very significant monument, especially in England. And no, I'm sure it wasn't built by aliens. Sorry, History Channel.

Now I couldn’t pass this one up since Stonehenge is a very significant monument, especially in England. And no, I’m sure it wasn’t built by aliens. Sorry, History Channel.

34. As far as accessories go, they can be as small as you want them to be.

Now I really like the landscaping on this one. Seems like they planted everything on a carpet of grass and then added little structures and fairies on it.

Now I really like the landscaping on this one. Seems like they planted everything on a carpet of grass and then added little structures and fairies on it.

35. As for furniture, you can always try wooden chairs of twig.

Now I like this kind of patio furniture. Quite rustic, I daresay. But I think the garden stuff and beehive is adorable.

Now I like this kind of patio furniture. Quite rustic, I daresay. But I think the garden stuff and beehive is adorable.

36. A gardener’s work is never done. However, sometimes the watering can is up at the stick gate.

Lovely to see how this seems to be the beginnings a of a beautiful mini cabbage patch. Love the little wheelbarrow, birdhouse, and bird bath though.

Lovely to see how this seems to be the beginnings a of a beautiful mini cabbage patch. Love the little wheelbarrow, birdhouse, and bird bath though.

37. When it comes to a mini wild flower garden, then you can let it be as overgrown as you please.

The flowers are simply beautiful on this one and I'm sure the grass isn't just moss. Still, I really like the multicolored toadstools, even though they're not real.

The flowers are simply beautiful on this one and I’m sure the grass isn’t just moss. Still, I really like the multicolored toadstools, even though they’re not real.

38. Inside this stone birdbath lies a miniature garden containing a smaller and more ornate bird bath.

Now this birdbath seems to have a little bird on its ledge while it's surrounded by ivy. Still, at least the bird bath mini garden looks better than what's inside an actual bird bath (which is disgusting).

Now this birdbath seems to have a little bird on its ledge while it’s surrounded by ivy. Still, at least the bird bath mini garden looks better than what’s inside an actual bird bath (which is disgusting).

39. Now this miniature garden has a pond, a bench, and a few nice pieces of shrubbery.

Now they may be little but these plants almost resemble real bushes for some reason. I also like the stonework on the patios. Fine landscaping here.

Now they may be little but these plants almost resemble real bushes for some reason. I also like the stonework on the patios. Fine landscaping here.

40. Just because we don’t use metal wash tubs for washing clothes, doesn’t mean you can’t build a garden in it.

Now I like the moss roof on that house along with the moss landscaping. Oh, and the hedgehog is quite cute, too. Seems like ideal fairy abode.

Now I like the moss roof on that house along with the moss landscaping. Oh, and the hedgehog is quite cute, too. Seems like ideal fairy abode.

41. Among the tall grass and the plants, you can sometimes find a way to kick back and relax near the seashore.

Now this is a lovely seashore scene. Love the stone work on the path, the bike, and the ocean stones.

Now this is a lovely seashore scene. Love the stone work on the path, the bike, and the ocean stones. Simply devine, it sure is.

42. Even in the white sand banks and shrines, the fairies will find a home wherever plants grow.

Now the river is a beautiful blue while the rainbow stones lead up to some zen garden like shrine. The bird seems filled, too.

Now the river is a beautiful blue while the rainbow stones lead up to some zen garden like shrine. The bird seems filled, too.

43. When it comes to miniature gardens, you can’t go wrong with a waterfall. Even if there’s no actual water coming from it.

Now this almost looks like a real waterfall coming from the rock. Like the little house nearby, too by the way.

Now this almost looks like a real waterfall coming from the rock. Like the little house nearby, too by the way.

44. In a miniature garden like this, everything is always in its proper place.

Now this garden really seems like a wide field mostly consisting of vegetables. But there's also a shed and greenhouse along with a little shed. Man, such an extensive collection of plants here.

Now this garden really seems like a wide field mostly consisting of vegetables. But there’s also a shed and greenhouse along with a little shed. Man, such an extensive collection of plants here.

45. Whether in a mini garden or in the front yard, there’s no place like home to a gnome.

Love how there are plants growing from out of the areas of the broken flower pot. Also, I think this gnome has very good taste in architecture.

Love how there are plants growing from out of the areas of the broken flower pot. Also, I think this gnome has very good taste in architecture.

46. A lovely pavilion will give any fairy some much needed shade.

Love the pig flying which I think is kind of funny. But I especially love the metal pavilion even if it doesn't provide much shade.

Love the pig flying which I think is kind of funny. But I especially love the metal pavilion even if it doesn’t provide much shade.

47. In a miniature garden, the plants can just go about anywhere.

The little potted plants are so cute in this little pot. Love the bird hanging from the arch way, too. Seems that this one has plants all over the place.

The little potted plants are so cute in this little pot. Love the bird hanging from the arch way, too. Seems that this one has plants all over the place.

48. In fairy gardens, you can’t go wrong with too many flowers.

I really love the flowers in this, especially since a lot of them are purple. Nice t o have some substitute for trees, too.

I really love the flowers in this, especially since a lot of them are purple. Nice t o have some substitute for trees, too.

49. Even fairies tend to enjoy the game of baseball in their neck of the woods.

I don't know about you, but a field in this shape wouldn't be used for baseball games. But fairies have wings so it's all good.

I don’t know about you, but a field in this shape wouldn’t be used for baseball games. But fairies have wings so it’s all good.

50. In this tree stump, you will find a beautiful miniature garden with everything fairies would want.

Strange how stumps tend to be taken out of their respective places whenever a tree gets cut down. Little did they know that you can make a little mini garden like this. I mean look at all the pretty flowers.

Strange how stumps tend to be taken out of their respective places whenever a tree gets cut down. Little did they know that you can make a little mini garden like this. I mean look at all the pretty flowers.

51. In mini gardens, there’s nothing that brings in the country spirit such as being down on the farm.

Now I'm sure it may not grow actual crops because farming is a bit more complicated. But it's nevertheless adorable and less laden with pesticides.

Now I’m sure it may not grow actual crops because farming is a bit more complicated. But it’s nevertheless adorable and less laden with pesticides.

52. Not all miniature gardens have to be forest oriented. This one creates a desert paradise in a flower pot.

Of course, this uses a lot of desert plants so whether this is a desert garden is any guess. But I'm not sure if I'd lay a finger on it because the plants mostly consist of cacti.

Of course, this uses a lot of desert plants so whether this is a desert garden is any guess. But I’m not sure if I’d lay a finger on it because the plants mostly consist of cacti.

53. In a flower and garden shop, a large fairy garden is a great marketing strategy.

Of course, this mini garden should make it clear to everyone that it can become an expensive hobby. Still, love the flowers and stream in this.

Of course, this mini garden should make it clear to everyone that it can become an expensive hobby. Still, love the flowers and stream in this.

54. If it weren’t for the pot, you would’ve thought this was an actual rocky landscape with a small pond.

Now I'm sure this set up didn't really costs much, especially with the rocks which you can find anywhere. But it does seem like a piece of nature, does it?

Now I’m sure this set up didn’t really costs much, especially with the rocks which you can find anywhere. But it does seem like a piece of nature, does it?

55. A church in a garden like this has its own garden of Eden.

I'm sure any Christian fairies will certainly worship in that church. Love the flowers on this and how they tower the church and steeple.

I’m sure any Christian fairies will certainly worship in that church. Love the flowers on this and how they tower the church and steeple. Kind of reminds you of Hawaii.

56. A desert gnome knows only peace and solace in his trailer home.

And it even has one of those tacky flamingo lawn ornaments. Then again, the gnome may just be an ornament, too. But I do love the desert scenery.

And it even has one of those tacky flamingo lawn ornaments. Then again, the gnome may just be an ornament, too. But I do love the desert scenery.

57. In mini gardens a plant would look just as fine in dirt as surrounded by sand.

Like how the sand seems so evenly raked like I'd never see at a golf course. Like the little plants in it, too.

Like how the sand seems so evenly raked like I’d never see at a golf course. Like the little plants in it, too.

58. Of course, what mini garden would be without its own water mill?

Funny how grass can grow so high even thought this tray is about as thick as some flat table displays. Guess mini garden plants tend to have very tiny roots.

Funny how grass can grow so high even thought this tray is about as thick as some flat table displays. Guess mini garden plants tend to have very tiny roots.

59. Of course, if you live near a river, you’ll always have to have a canoe.

Now with the forest background, it almost looks like a house near a river. Well, if you take out the wooden box.

Now with the forest background, it almost looks like a house near a river. Well, if you take out the wooden box. Still, adorable.

60. When your kids grow up, they may not need their rusty red wagon. So use it to plant your miniature garden paradise.

Now this garden has so much going for it. I mean it has birdhouses, a wooden house, and glass toadstools. Oh, and the flowers are so beautiful, too.

Now this garden has so much going for it. I mean it has birdhouses, a wooden house, and glass toadstools. Oh, and the flowers are so beautiful, too.

61. What makes a better seaside garden than one of a desert coast?

Didn't think you'd see cacti on the beach would you? By the way, I'm sure the seashells were real. Like the sand castle though.

Didn’t think you’d see cacti on the beach would you? By the way, I’m sure the seashells were real. Like the sand castle though.

62. With the right furniture and creativity, you can create a little miniature patio for your mini garden.

I'm sure this is set in somebody's yard since the porch seems to have some colored stones encased in concrete. But I love how everything seems to go together here.

I’m sure this is set in somebody’s yard since the porch seems to have some colored stones encased in concrete. But I love how everything seems to go together here.

63. Though many miniature gardens tend to have tiny flowers, this doesn’t always have to be the case.

Now this garden contains a lot of flowers you'd see in any regular garden during the summer. Yet, it's considered as such because of the two little lawn chairs and that it's in a pot.

Now this garden contains a lot of flowers you’d see in any regular garden during the summer. Yet, it’s considered as such because of the two little lawn chairs and that it’s in a pot.

64. Now this desert seems as if it’s in an almost natural state in its own flower pot.

Seems to have a lot of cacti for a desert. But I'm sure you'll never get a desert sunset with this one. Still, it's quite beautiful to say the least.

Seems to have a lot of cacti for a desert. But I’m sure you’ll never get a desert sunset with this one. Still, it’s quite beautiful to say the least.

65. Nothing would make the rich fairy an envy of everyone than a little mini garden mansion.

Kind of reminds me of a fairy garden murder mystery mansion. Really wouldn't want to get inside. But I really like the landscaping on this.

Kind of reminds me of a fairy garden murder mystery mansion. Really wouldn’t want to get inside. But I really like the landscaping on this.

66. Miniature gardens usually tend to be easy to carry, especially if they were created from a suitcase.

You might not want to take this to an airport. I mean the TSA wouldn't take many precautions upon inspection. But it's a cute little world you can carry around.

You might not want to take this to an airport. I mean the TSA wouldn’t take many precautions upon inspection. But it’s a cute little world you can carry around.

67. While many miniature gardens usually contain flowers, this one specializes in vegetables.

Okay, they may not be real veggies. Nor are they edible by any means. But still, it's a pretty cute scene nevertheless. Hope it has a container though.

Okay, they may not be real veggies. Nor are they edible by any means. But still, it’s a pretty cute scene nevertheless. Hope it has a container though.

68. Under the ivy covered canopy, you will find a fairy park where they frolic.

Now I think this is put on some garden bench since I can see legs below the planter. Nevertheless, it's quite pretty and I like the ivy on this.

Now I think this is put on some garden bench since I can see legs below the planter. Nevertheless, it’s quite pretty and I like the ivy on this.

69. Nothing makes a rustic patio look idyllic than wooden furniture, especially in fairy gardens.

Now the furniture really goes well with the path and the bonsai. Of course, the vines are painted by the way. But I'm not sure if it makes any difference.

Now the furniture really goes well with the path and the bonsai. Of course, the vines are painted by the way. But I’m not sure if it makes any difference.

70. Any Tolkein fan would find a miniature garden of Bag End would be almost a dream come true.

I'm sure that a die hard Middle Earth fan had too much time on their hands. Still, I'm sure this miniature Bag End is tended by no other than a miniature Samwise Gamgee.

I’m sure that a die hard Middle Earth fan had too much time on their hands. Still, I’m sure this miniature Bag End is tended by no other than a miniature Samwise Gamgee.

71. For Christmas, celebrate the birth of Christ with this miniature garden nativity scene.

Of course, the figures were probably taken from an actual nativity set. But these gardens can stay indoors and last all year long. So you might as well put a nativity scene in there.

Of course, the figures were probably taken from an actual nativity set. But these gardens can stay indoors and last all year long. So you might as well put a nativity scene in there.

72. This wooden church seems to have its gates near the rocky shore.

Now this seems like a lovely atmosphere to have a church, especially a wooden one. Love the little gate near the shore. Probably based on some rocky New England coastline.

Now this seems like a lovely atmosphere to have a church, especially a wooden one. Love the little gate near the shore. Probably based on some rocky New England coastline.

73. Nothing makes the ideal fairy town more than having it at the base of a tree.

Now I'm sure the fairies will get plenty of shade under that tree. Yet, even this sturdy tree couldn't completely shield them from the elements of nature.

Now I’m sure the fairies will get plenty of shade under that tree. Yet, even this sturdy tree couldn’t completely shield them from the elements of nature.

74. A little house always tends to be shadowed by large trees, even in mini gardens like this one.

Now this is from a broken flower pot in which the plants inside surrounding the house represent towering conifer trees. Hope the rock doesn't do anything though.

Now this is from a broken flower pot in which the plants inside surrounding the house represent towering conifer trees. Hope the rock doesn’t do anything though.

75. If you want a garden easy to carry, then perhaps you should plant it in a basket.

Love the little swing on the basket handle as well as the flowers. Still, you have to like the wooden twig and branch chair, too.

Love the little swing on the basket handle as well as the flowers. Still, you have to like the wooden twig and branch chair, too.

76. You can create a whole world of nature from a very large teacup.

This bonsai really goes well with the small lupin plants if I stand corrected. Still, I think the little bench and coffee table is simply charming.

This bonsai really goes well with the small lupin plants if I stand corrected. Still, I think the little bench and coffee table is simply charming.

77. Even in a small gravel garden, it’s best to put a birdbath as a centerpiece.

Let's hope the little birdies wanting to wash up don't shit in this birdbath. Like the bench and sundial though.

Let’s hope the little birdies wanting to wash up don’t shit in this birdbath. Like the bench and sundial though.

78. Sometimes you can put patio furniture in a miniature garden you can only wish to put in your regular patch.

Now this patio furniture seems too finely painted for anyone to want to have in your outdoor patio. I mean there's a chance that rain might wash out the lovely craftsmanship. Still, this is a quite beautiful garden in these flower pots.

Now this patio furniture seems too finely painted for anyone to want to have in your outdoor patio. I mean there’s a chance that rain might wash out the lovely craftsmanship. Still, this is a quite beautiful garden in these flower pots.

79. A few statues in a garden can really enhance it beauty in many ways.

Now this one gives the impression that ruins are in the midst. Love how the bonsai really brings in the vibrancy of this. Not to mention, some of the plants, too.

Now this one gives the impression that ruins are in the midst. Love how the bonsai really brings in the vibrancy of this. Not to mention, some of the plants, too.

80. In a garden shop like this, you might as well have a large mini garden village.

Now I'm sure this isn't the whole mini garden as some of it is cut from the photo. But you can see how elaborate these mini gardens can really get.

Now I’m sure this isn’t the whole mini garden as some of it is cut from the photo. But you can see how elaborate these mini gardens can really get.

Thoughts on Charleston

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On the night of Wednesday June 17, 2015 at 9:05 p.m., a 21-year-old white gunman named Dylann Storm Roof fired upon a Bible Study group at Emmanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina. All the victims were black which included 9 killed, particularly senior black pastor Clementa C. Pinckney who’s also a Democratic state senator as well as a one wounded but survived. And they were all black. It was the deadliest attack on an American place of worship since the 1991 mass murder of Wat Promkunaram Buddhist temple in Waddell, Arizona in which nine people also died. And it was the largest American mass shooting since the 2013 Washington Navy Yard shooting. My thoughts, condolences, heart, and prayers goes out to the survivors as well as members of Emmanuel A. M. E. Church, the victims’ families, and the African American community.

What happened in Charleston was a senseless act of terror resulting in 9 senseless deaths and an entire community engulfed in tragedy. What’s even uglier about this tragedy is that it was motivated by racial hatred which was born out of the sad American legacy of slavery that gave rise to white supremacy as an ideology. Even today, though racism is no longer seen as acceptable, it still remains embedded in our systems and institutions as well as in the minds of many of America’s citizens. It’s a toxic ideology that has plagued so much of our culture that as much as I try to fight what I see as hatred plain as day, sometimes even I feel that I’m not above the destructive influence of our infectious racist climate. I am aware of white privilege and probably have benefited from it, even though I may not even know it. But whatever racist thoughts I may have, I am well aware of how unjustifiable they are. Just because I may have it better than some blacks due to the color of my skin does not mean that I am any better or worse than any other black person. And that blacks should be considered as human beings and able to enjoy the same rights as any American citizen. Unfortunately, too many whites don’t seem to see it that way, especially in South Carolina and that’s a problem.

Founded in 1816, Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church is one of the oldest black churches in the United States as well as a key hotspot for African American activism during the Civil Rights Movement. It was also marred by racial violence in its early years not at all helped by the fact one of its founders was linked to a slave revolt in 1822.

Founded in 1816, Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church is one of the oldest black churches in the United States as well as a key hotspot for African American activism during the Civil Rights Movement. It was also marred by racial violence in its early years not at all helped by the fact one of its founders was linked to a slave revolt in 1822.

This is not the first time Emanuel A.M.E Church has experienced racially motivated violence and I’m certain it won’t be the last. From its founding in 1816, it had seen a long share of violence in the name of white supremacist hate. It began as an illegal church at a time when black churches were outlawed in Charleston and South Carolina prohibited black literacy. It was subject to raids by city officials in 1818, 1820, and 1821. In 1822, one of the church’s founders named Denmark Vessey was implicated in an alleged slave revolt, was arrested and subject to a secret trial along with five other alleged organizers, and executed. The original building was then burned to the ground by white supremacists. By the time it was rebuilt, Charleston had already banned all black churches compelling the congregants to meet in secret until the end of the Civil War in 1865. And as far as black churches go, Emanuel wasn’t the only one subject to white supremacist terrorism either since other black churches have had their share, especially in the South where they have been pillars among the African American communities they served. Many black churches were involved in the Civil Rights Movement as well as acted as sanctuaries from racism and for civil rights rallies. Churches were prime targets by white supremacists terrorists. One of the most famous is the 1963 Klu Klux Klan bombing of the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama which killed 4 young girls and called by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. as “one of the most vicious and tragic crimes ever perpetrated against humanity.” Add this to the fact that many blacks were victims of white supremacist violence during the Civil Rights Era mainly because they simply dared to demand equal rights, which many whites didn’t want to happen. White supremacist terrorism was seen as a way to punish black communities and maintain control by creating a climate of terror and fear that would make black political organizing of demonstrations, sit-ins, and other forms of protest impossible.

For much of American history, black churches have played significant roles in the African American community, especially since they were often hubs for political organization during the Civil Rights Movement. This made such places key targets for white supremacist violence. Shown here is Birmingham, Alabama's 16th Street Baptist Church which was subject to a Klu Klux Klan bombing in September 16, 1963 which killed 4 young girls and wounded 22.

For much of American history, black churches have played significant roles in the African American community, especially since they were often hubs for political organization during the Civil Rights Movement. This made such places key targets for white supremacist violence. Shown here is Birmingham, Alabama’s 16th Street Baptist Church which was subject to a Klu Klux Klan bombing in September 16, 1963 which killed 4 young girls and wounded 22.

It should be obvious to everyone that what happened in Charleston was nothing but a premeditated white supremacist terrorism, which every citizen in this country should take very seriously and part of a long and painful history of politically motivated white violence against blacks. Even if you’re a foreigner who knows absolutely nothing about American History, the mere details in this case should entail that Roof’s nefarious deed was a hate crime. For one, Roof was in the church an hour before he started shooting and reloaded his gun five times. This indicates that he came prepared. Second, one survivor recalled one of the victims asking Roof why he’s doing this in which he reportedly replied, “I have to do it. You rape our women and you’re taking over our country. And you have to go.” Anyone who understands race relations in the southern US should know that the image of a black man raping a white woman is a very pervasive one that had been used as an excuse for whites to systematically justify their racism against blacks, especially when it involves the worst forms violence such as lynchings. But this image is seen in Birth of a Nation in which the scene of the Klu Klux Klan lynching a black man is seen as a noble act of heroism (of course, the racism in this movie is extremely vile). And it’s also unfortunate that it led to a KKK revival explaining why its membership numbered to 6 million in 1925 despite being highly racist even by the standards of 1915). It’s present in the minds of the whites of Depression era Maycomb County, Alabama in To Kill a Mockingbird despite the fact that Tom Robinson was 100% innocent of doing anything to hurt Mayella Ewell besides being too nice to her for his own good but is wrongfully convicted by an all-white jury anyway. Not only that, but Roof was said to be shouting racist epithets while gunning down each of the victims and those who managed to survive played dead. Roof might’ve intended at least one person to survive and tell the tale, but I’m not exactly sure. Third, Roof’s Facebook page contains pictures of him with very white supremacist imagery such as the flags of Apartheid-era South Africa and Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) as well as a Confederate flag license plate. Fourth, even the people who knew Roof can recall how he expressed his support for racial segregation, his intention to start another civil war, his claim that, “blacks were taking over the world,” and his intentions to kill people, including a plot to attack the College of Charleston. He also had a criminal record prior to the incident as well. All this establishes the fact that Roof was a bonafide racist and his crimes were racially motivated. We should never think otherwise. If the Klu Klux Klan’s racial violence against racial, ethnic, and/or religious minorities should be considered terrorism, then so should Dylann Roof’s as well as anyone else who does the same. The motivation on the Emanuel A.M.E. Church shooting was to terrorize black people.

Despite that the shooting at Emanuel A.M.E. was certainly a deliberate act of white supremacist terrorism,  South Carolina's State Capitol continues to fly the Confederate flag at full mast. This is very disrespectful  to the black victims, their families, and the Charleston black community. This banner has been used to legitimize widespread racism even if such acts were violent, illegal, and dehumanizing.

Despite that the shooting at Emanuel A.M.E. was certainly a deliberate act of white supremacist terrorism, South Carolina’s State Capitol continues to fly the Confederate flag at full mast. This is very disrespectful to the black victims, their families, and the Charleston black community. This banner has been used to legitimize widespread racism even if such acts were violent, illegal, and dehumanizing.

However, as far as American racism is concerned, the Charleston shooting is just the tip of the iceberg. Even today, the discrimination and injustices against African Americans are just too innumerable for me to describe in detail. And even if I could, then I’m sure whatever I say about them can never do justice for so many African Americans who have been harmed by them. But all too often I’ve heard of how blacks have been disproportionately and negatively affected buy such things as mass incarceration, Stand Your Ground laws, police misconduct and brutality, redlining, environmental discrimination, voter ID laws, misconduct by the criminal justice system, racial profiling, gerrymandering, the War on Drugs, destructive stereotypes aimed at poor blacks, rap artists being called out on promoting violence, sex, and butchering the English language (as well as having their songs being marketed like that), a lot of forms of workplace and education discrimination, having their accomplishments downplayed or outright ignored in the American history books, being depicted as either violent brutes or unable to save themselves without white intervention in Hollywood movies, being underrepresented in all spheres of American life, gentrification,  being subject to police intervention and media derision even in their most legitimate protests, inadequate public schooling, and the list goes on. Now the American South isn’t the only place in the country where blacks have experienced racism and injustice by hateful whites, but it’s basically the worst offender, especially South Carolina. It’s well known that slavery treated blacks less than people whose only purpose was to serve their masters without expecting much in return and no prospect of being freed. And we all know that the South seceded from the Union and formed the Confederacy so most of the African American population can be considered property, not people, which resulted in a bloody 4-year war over it (a lost cause that was never in any way honorable). It’s also well known that racial segregation and Jim Crow laws were put in place so that blacks would be kept separate from whites and not have any political or any other power to assert themselves. They were also terrorized and lynched by white supremacists in the South if they ever dared to vote, demand their rights, purchased land, or owned successful businesses. Sure, racism might not be as blatant or acceptable as it once was, especially when we have a democratically elected black president, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there and that it’s not a problem. Because if the Charleston shooting has taught us anything, it’s that racism still exists and that it’s a problem. And in the South, it’s particularly bad.

D. W. Griffith's epic 1915 groundbreaking film The Birth of a Nation is the most racist film in American history, even by the standards of the time. The anti-black sentiment in this film is extremely vile in which the African Americans are played by white actors in blackface and the Klu Klux Klan members are seen as the heroic saviors of white Southern honor. Unsurprisingly, it managed to get enough fans that it's attributed to a KKK revival which peaked at 6 million members in 1925. But please, unless you're a film student, I'd strongly encourage that you avoid this disasterpiece of film.

D. W. Griffith’s epic 1915 groundbreaking film The Birth of a Nation is the most racist film in American history, even by the standards of the time. The anti-black sentiment in this film is extremely vile in which the African Americans are played by white actors in blackface and the Klu Klux Klan members are seen as the heroic saviors of white Southern honor. Unsurprisingly, it managed to get enough fans that it’s attributed to a KKK revival which peaked at 6 million members in 1925. But please, unless you’re a film student, I’d strongly encourage that you avoid this disasterpiece of film.

How do I know this? Because the United States is suffused with perverse symbolism that legitimizes anti-black violence and no place in the country is more notorious for this than the American South. This being because it’s the area most likely to embrace the nostalgia of the antebellum Old South and the ideology of the Neo-Confederate “Lost Cause” which portrays the Confederate struggle against the Union as noble one that had absolutely nothing to do with slavery (despite evidence to the contrary). Thus, this leads to white Southerners glorifying and possibly revering their American past as well as perpetuating racist ideas, instead of actually learning that subjugating an entire group of people into involuntary servitude on the basis color is inherently wrong. Sure your average redneck might not mean any harm if he puts a Confederate flag on his pickup truck, other than perhaps showing his love for Lynyrd Skynyrd. And of course, he may not even intend to send a message to impressionable or perhaps disturbed young white men like Dylann Roof that African Americans are less-than-equal members of the political community and that using illegal violence against their interests is justified or that it’s noble to fight and die for the purpose of enslaving black people even if it means betraying your country. In fact, he might not be racist against black people at all (or so he says). But your average redneck might not know that like words, symbols carry meanings that stand independently of any individual’s subjective intentions, which can lead to even the most non-racist but nevertheless passionate Lynyrd Skynyrd fan be mistaken for a racist or believing that lawless pursuit of white supremacy is not necessarily wrong and may at times be worthy of celebration.

Among Southern whites, Nathan Bedford Forrest is a very popular figure, especially in Tennessee where he has several stuff named after him, 32 historical markers dedicated to him, and his own state holiday in July. However, Forrest was a former slave trader best know n for allegedly being the first Grand Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan and accused of war crimes for allowing his men to massacre hundreds of Union black and white Southern Unionist  POWs after the Battle of Fort Pillow. Not someone you'd want to have a state holiday for.

Among Southern whites, Nathan Bedford Forrest is a very popular figure, especially in Tennessee where he has several stuff named after him, 32 historical markers dedicated to him, and his own state holiday in July. However, Forrest was a former slave trader best know n for allegedly being the first Grand Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan and accused of war crimes for allowing his men to massacre hundreds of Union black and white Southern Unionist POWs after the Battle of Fort Pillow on February 12, 1864. Not someone you’d want to have a state holiday for.

But it’s not just Lynyrd Skynyrd fans who have a problem with white supremacist symbolism or even ideas. To this day, South Carolina continues to fly a Confederate flag on the grounds of its state capitol. In the city of Charleston itself, you will find Emanuel A.M.E. is on Calhoun Street, named after antebellum politician and political theorist John C. Calhoun, best known for defending slavery as something positive, distrusting majoritarianism, championing the idea of nullification which states that individual states have a right to declare federal laws null and void if they viewed them unconstitutional, and helping to escalate Southern threats of secession in the face of mounting Northern abolitionist sentiment. Not exactly a guy you’d want to name a street after but despite dying 11 years before the Civil War, he’s fairly influential in American politics, mostly for the worse. A mile and the half of Emanuel A.M.E. is a public park featuring a monument “to the Confederate Defenders of Charleston” commemorating, you know, a bunch of guys who broke off from their country as well as fought and died to keep blacks under involuntary servitude. In Tennessee, you have no less than a high school, a state park, and a university ROTC building named after Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest best known for allegedly being the first Grand Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan (a fact even namesake Forrest Gump admits) as well as being accused of war crimes for allowing forces under his command to massacre hundreds of black Union Army and white Southern Unionist POWs, an incident surrounded in controversy to this day. Prior to the war, he was slave trader. But even this doesn’t keep Tennesseans from putting his bust at the State Capitol in Nashville, dedicating 32 historical markers linked to him (more than resident US presidents Andrew Jackson, James K. Polk, and Andrew Johnson), and celebrating July 13 as “Nathan Bedford Forrest Day” which is an official state holiday. Confederate President Jefferson Davis has not only a statue in the US Capitol Rotunda, but also a highway in Northern Virginia as well as counties in Mississippi, Louisiana, Georgia, and Texas named after him. And this guy owned a Mississippi cotton plantation of over 100 slaves, believed every state was sovereign and had an unquestionable right to secede from the Union (and continue to do so for the rest of his life), did a terrible job as president of the Confederacy and was highly unpopular, fled the country for a time after a two year imprisonment on the charge of treason, and flushed his own shit into the street of his Richmond home (not exactly relevant or his fault, but true). Davis was no hero and defended the South’s actions until the day he died as well as believed in a Southern social order, according to historian William Cooper, “a democratic white polity based firmly on dominance of a controlled and excluded black caste.” And that doesn’t even bring me to discuss the more than dozen public schools named after Confederate General Robert E. Lee and others save maybe James Longstreet who became a Republican, led an African American regiment against white supremacists during Reconstruction in 1874, and supported civil rights for blacks (but he’s not among the South’s most liked Confederate generals and is usually the one whom most Southerners blame for the Confederate loss at Gettysburg, possibly the war). Or the streets of Charleston being named after Confederate generals as well with the exception of James Longstreet if his name is even on a street sign.

As first and only president of the Confederacy, Jefferson Davis proved to be a weak and ineffective leader as well as very unpopular by Civil War's end in 1865. He's seen as a hero by many Southern whites today because his writings after the war which contributed to the

As first and only president of the Confederacy, Jefferson Davis proved to be a weak and ineffective leader as well as very unpopular by Civil War’s end in 1865. He’s seen as a hero by many Southern whites today because his writings after the war which contributed to the “Lost Cause” myth, which was used to perpetuate widespread violence and discrimination against African Americans for decades. He saw absolutely nothing wrong with controlling blacks and excluding them from any political decision making. And he was never sorry for betraying his country. Yet, he has a highway named after him in Virginia. And you don’t want to know where his bodily waste went in Richmond.

Unfortunately, despite that the Charleston church shooting was 100% racially motivated terrorism, some whites Americans go to great lengths to say why this isn’t the case for various reasons. For one, much of the Republicans’ success depends on a lot of support from conservative Southern whites, many of whom are either believers of the “Lost Cause” narrative or at least tend to have a nodding appreciation for the Confederate side of the American Civil War. For a Republican to say that this tragedy was an act of white supremacist terrorism would be to alienate a considerable portion of the electorate who don’t want to be seen responsible for it. Sure Dylann Roof might’ve been a nutjob but he wasn’t an island onto himself and any mental illness he may have doesn’t excuse his actions. Besides, it’s as clear as day that he was a white supremacist who flaunted it (though he was probably influenced by his family and the culture he grew up in). Secondly, the white South doesn’t want to change or own up to anything pertaining to periods of race relations they’d rather nostalgize and romanticize. And even Southern whites who may not have anything against blacks might feel that taking down a Confederate flag or a name like Calhoun or of a Confederate Civil War general would be an affront to Southern pride and Southern culture. But such nostalgia on the “Lost Cause” and the Old South is very toxic when it comes to a group of people who were once subjugated to one of the worst human rights abuses in history during that same time.

The

The “Lost Cause” myth in American history is a mix of Confederate nostalgia and romanticism that paints the South secession as legitimate, noble, and totally not about slavery. Further, it gives the impression that slaves were happy to be working under involuntary servitude with absolutely no rights of their own. Such idea has a very pervasive influence in American history which has led to widespread discrimination as well as violence against African Americans. Unfortunately, this is the kind of fictitious nonsense that’s very likely taught in Texas public schools.

So conservatives tend to say that the church shooting was an Anti-Christian terrorist attack while trying to appeal to the Fundamentalist Christian persecution complex. Sure the shooting took place at a church, but it was at this historic black church known for its involvement in the Civil Rights Movement as well as associated with a man implicated in a slave revolt. If Dylann Roof really hated Christianity, he could’ve just fired upon any Christian place of worship he wished and I’m sure he didn’t have to be too picky on potential Christian victims, especially in South Carolina. Race is the heart of what went on in Charleston and it’s very clear that Roof’s a white supremacist who probably sees blacks as no more than dirt. While persecution of Christians isn’t unknown in American history, it usually applied to a particular denomination like Catholics, Quakers, Jehovah Witnesses, or Mormons among the most targeted groups since their religious practices didn’t conform to the White Anglo-Saxon Protestant ideal to the dismay of some Americans, not Christianity in the general sense of the term. Besides, when it came to attacks on black churches, the white attackers were probably as faithful churchgoing Christians as their black victims despite having a funny way of showing it (and used their faith to justify why blacks were inferior). So no, the Charleston shooting had absolutely nothing to do with religion.

The

The “Black Lives Matter” protests of Ferguson, Missouri and Baltimore were formed to address the systematic discrimination and violence against blacks by the criminal justice system. However, it’s been met with a lot of backlash from Fox News and their white allies, pointing to how most black people are killed by other blacks. While this statistic may be true, it doesn’t address why blacks victimized by whites and/or authority figures don’t seem to receive any justice whatsoever. For instance, in Florida, whites were more likely to be acquitted under Stand Your Ground laws if the victim was black than vice versa. This is why the case with George Zimmerman shooting Trayvon Martin was a judicial travesty. So if you were a black living in Florida who shot a white guy in self-defense, I’m afraid Stand Your Ground won’t help you.

But what I think can be even more toxic in the United States is the idea of racial apathy. A lot of white Americans may have racist attitudes because they benefit so much from white privilege and were never subject to racism themselves. Thus, these white Americans are more likely to deny that racism still exists and consider it a thing of the past. But this also leaves them vulnerable to believing a lot of highly racist things and negative stereotypes whether told by Fox News, the mainstream media, Hollywood, family members, the education system, or other areas. Because racism infects the people in ways they wouldn’t recognize. So when a racially motivated act of violence makes front page news, these whites either go out of their way to argue why it wasn’t about race or will simply be peeved when somebody addresses race as a factor. Sometimes they’d simply wouldn’t care and view what went on in Baltimore as nothing more than a meaningless riot or just get sick of the words, “Black Lives Matter.”  To them, racism isn’t currently a problem because it’s not their problem. But many of them would be willing to play the reverse discrimination card whenever a person of color is luckier than them (such as super entitles whites suing over affirmative action because they didn’t get into a particular college they wanted) or if racial minority person is either more successful than or promoted over them. Sometimes when they themselves are called out for their racist comments (if their response isn’t that a certain negative racial caricature is grounded in fact). And if a person of color is elevated to a high position of power or leadership, well, these people would unconditionally hate them for absolutely no reason other than the color of their skin. I know people like this and I’m appalled at they believe in such ideas as well as sometimes feel guilty of not calling them out on it to avoid making a scene. But such racial apathy doesn’t solve anything and gives a silent license to ignore problems and continue the systematic and institutional discrimination blacks and other persons of color experience every day of their lives.

I'm sorry but the Confederate flag isn't a symbol of Southern pride or an emblem that shows love for Lynyrd Skynyrd. It's a symbol of racism and one that has been used to justify lynchings and countless violent crimes in the name of white supremacy. Many of which were never brought to justice. And it was mostly done to terrorize blacks through fear if they ever dared to exercise or demand equal rights as well as purchased land or had a successful business. It had nothing to do with preserving any form of sacred honor despite what you might've heard otherwise.

I’m sorry but the Confederate flag isn’t a symbol of Southern pride or an emblem that shows love for Lynyrd Skynyrd. It’s a symbol of racism and one that has been used to justify lynchings and countless violent crimes in the name of white supremacy. Many of which were never brought to justice. And it was mostly done to terrorize blacks through fear if they ever dared to exercise or demand equal rights as well as purchased land or had a successful business. It had nothing to do with preserving any form of sacred honor despite what you might’ve heard otherwise.

But I believe white Americans can fight racism not but not by being white saviors that Hollywood thinks. The Civil Rights Movement was primarily one led by black activists and organizations while antislavery movements wouldn’t have the kind of legitimacy they did unless the voices of former slaves and free blacks were heard. However, if whites should stand up to racism, then they must acknowledge our racism filled past for what it is and dispose all notions of nostalgia and romanticism of times when racial minorities were subject to systematic and institutional discrimination. We must also acknowledge the racism entrenched in our society as well as how it’s a serious problem in our country that needs addressed. And we must acknowledge and fight any racists attitudes we harbor within ourselves. Now none of this will be easy but I can’t exaggerate the urgency necessity of such actions, especially when a guy not much younger can me can open fire on a church filled with black people. We can’t turn out backs on that and say that racism isn’t a problem just because it doesn’t affect us. Thus, we’d be not much better than the white supremacists who carry out the violence themselves or how our culture gives racial minorities the short end of the stick. As long as whites continue to glorify and celebrate the Old South and the “Lost Cause,” racism will continue in very nasty ways. As long as whites don’t acknowledge that displaying a Confederate flag at your house is a very, very bad way to show your love for Lynyrd Skynyrd, there will be some nuts there interpreting such symbols at their worst connotations as well as committing violent acts of terror against African Americans. And as long as whites side with white perpetrators on behalf of “Stand Your Ground,” instead of their innocent unarmed victims as well as feel that the mantra, “Black Lives Matter,” and protests against systematic racial injustice is a meaningless waste of time, then there will be another Charleston. We can’t let this go on and we can’t let white people not to care.

Black people may not have the same problems white people do. But we should care about the racial discrimination African Americans encounter every day because such actions are unjustifiable by any means, especially if they pertain to white on black violence. As Jesus said,

Black people may not have the same problems white people do. But we should care about the racial discrimination African Americans encounter every day because such actions are unjustifiable by any means, especially if they pertain to white on black violence. As Jesus said, “”The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'” –Matthew 25:40 NASB

And the fight against racism can start when we pressure South Carolina to take down that racist Confederate flag for it’s a symbol of white supremacy, not a symbol of pride. Any white person wishing to express Southern pride or love for Lynyrd Skynyrd should use something else.

Not So Fun in the Sun Swimsuits

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Whether used to cover up private parts while swimming or fanservice, swimsuits have always been a mainstay in our culture since modern times. Now while recreational swimming has been a mainstay of civilization public or otherwise, most people basically wore the same type of outfit they’d wear for sleeping: absolutely nothing. And this went for both genders of all ages. However, the first swimsuits weren’t made just to put on the cover for the Ye Olde Sports Illustrated swimsuit contest. In fact, they were to deter such a thing since it would’ve been improper for a  woman to show her ankles. Of course, in much of the 18th and 19th century it was also fashionable to be pale, too, so nobody wanted to risk their white skin to sun exposure. They also had bathing machine cabanas on wheels that allowed women to change into their bathing suits in complete privacy during this time. Of course, early swimsuits weren’t well known for their practicality since they tended to be made of wool and took a long time to get in. It had to take the Olympics and the 1920s to have swimsuits be seen as anything suitable for the swim team, at least for women. Nevertheless, when it comes to swimwear aesthetics, most women tend to have it easy since the one piece, two piece, and the bikini have come on the scene. Men’s bathing suits on the other hand, well, a man’s ability to look good in a swimsuit is heavily dependent on his body type regardless of the outfit. Now I can go on and on about the great swimsuits you’d find at the beach, but I don’t want to put Sports Illustrated or Victoria’s Secret out of a job. Instead, I’ll feature swimsuits that you wouldn’t want to be caught dead in at the beach. Some of them might be a tad bit or borderline inappropriate as well as wardrobe malfunctions waiting to happen (which is why this is tagged NSFW). Some are plain impractical and possibly more suited for a Northern Alaska or New England chapter of the Polar Bear Club than anything. And some are just either plain ugly or tacky, possibly both. Still, the wearers I have in this post will most likely be gorgeous models these swimsuits were made for since I don’t want to shame people’s bodies in this post. This is about the outfits, not the people wearing them contrary to the purpose of a lot of swimsuit competitions or swimsuit photos which are certainly intended for fanservice. Also, if a swimsuit looks ridiculous on a gorgeous model, it’ll probably look terrible on you. Still, there are some exceptions. Not to mention, some things here may not be safe for work. So without further adieu, here are some tacky, ugly, and poor taste swimsuits for all of you to see.

1. Now I have no qualms about bikinis, but I do wish the bottoms should adequately cover a woman’s genitalia.

If you look closely, you can see this woman's bikini bottom doesn't quite cover her between the legs as it should. And as for posting this photo, it's really on the borderline between PG -13 and R because I try to avoid showing pictures of exposed private parts (sans boobs). But I'll have to make this an exception because I'm sure it happens at a pool or beach all the time, where you see people of all ages. If your swimsuit bottoms run the risk of wardrobe malfunction, it's time to go to the store.

If you look closely, you can see this woman’s bikini bottom doesn’t quite cover her between the legs as it should. And as for posting this photo, it’s really on the borderline between PG -13 and R because I try to avoid showing pictures of exposed private parts (sans boobs). But I’ll have to make this an exception because I’m sure it happens at a pool or beach all the time, where you see people of all ages. If your swimsuit bottoms run the risk of wardrobe malfunction, it’s time to go to the store.

2. Now here is a picture of very slutty swimsuit worn by pro swimmer Annette Kellerman in 1907, which got her arrested in Massachusetts for indecent exposure (and I’m not making this up).

Of course, Kellerman wasn't a fashion model by any means. She was a swimmer and performer who pretty much invented synchronized swimming. She wore this get up for practicality since women's swimsuits weren't really designed for actual swimming. But she caused such a scandal because it exposed her body form which was a Victorian no-no. Of course, today, it would seem more like gymnast attire than anything.

Of course, Kellerman wasn’t a fashion model by any means. She was a swimmer and performer who pretty much invented synchronized swimming. She wore this get up for practicality since women’s swimsuits weren’t really designed for actual swimming. But she caused such a scandal because it exposed her body form which was a Victorian no-no. Of course, today, it would seem more like gymnast attire than anything.

3. Of course, vaginal wardrobe malfunctions don’t always have to apply to bikinis or two pieces alone.

While this woman might feel sexy in this one piece bathing suit, I see this outfit as a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. Call me a prude, but I think  a swimsuit bottom should be designed similar to underwear as well as cover the hips for support. Hate to see what the back looks like.

While this woman might feel sexy in this one piece bathing suit, I see this outfit as a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. Call me a prude, but I think a swimsuit bottom should be designed similar to underwear as well as cover the hips for support. Hate to see what the back looks like.

4. While the rare sight of washboard abs is a sexy and magnificent sight on the beach, a leopard print speedo is not.

Of course, I always considered leopard prints tacky for some reason or another. But still, the guy looks sexy despite it. However, I tend to recommend that most guys stick to trunks instead of speedos for obvious reasons.

Of course, I always considered leopard prints tacky for some reason or another. But still, the guy looks sexy despite it. However, I tend to recommend that most guys stick to trunks instead of speedos for obvious reasons.

5. Back in the 1890s and early 1900s, it wasn’t unusual for women to wear a 2 piece swimsuit. And by that I mean a knee length dress and bloomers. Sometimes even tights.

Now in the Victorian and early 20th century, modesty was the best policy even in swimwear. Showing too much leg or a collar bone would've gotten you arrested for indecent exposure. Same goes for men. However, if you were a woman who wanted to actually swim, these weren't for you. But, too bad because as far as swimwear went, you didn't have any legally viable options.

Now in the Victorian and early 20th century, modesty was the best policy even in swimwear. Showing too much leg or a collar bone would’ve gotten you arrested for indecent exposure. Same goes for men. However, if you were a woman who wanted to actually swim, these weren’t for you. But, too bad because as far as swimwear went, you didn’t have any legally viable options.

6. Sometimes bikinis are much easier to assemble if they have straps in the midriff.

Now this is actually a reasonably fine bikini without any need for improvement. Well, except cutting the white midriff straps with a pair of scissors because they're so non-essential and make the outfit look ridiculous.

Now this is actually a reasonably fine bikini without any need for improvement. Well, except cutting the white midriff straps with a pair of scissors because they’re so non-essential and make the outfit look ridiculous.

7. When it comes to string bikinis, sometimes there can be too many strings attached.

Leopard print aside, if that woman can't keep her string bikini up right without the large strings at her midriff, then it's a terrible swimsuit. Also, the look can use some scissors.

Leopard print aside, if that woman can’t keep her string bikini up right without the large strings at her midriff, then it’s a terrible swimsuit. Also, the look can use some scissors.

8. When buying a string bikini, make sure that you buy a top that closely corresponds with your bra size.

Now I know this is a fanservice shot. But while the bottom is fine, the top part should be below the breast, for God's sake. This woman's obviously doesn't.

Now I know this is a fanservice shot. But while the bottom is fine, the top part should be below the breast, for God’s sake. This woman’s obviously doesn’t. Still, while this chest look might seem sexy on her, most people wouldn’t.

9. Nothing makes a great swimsuit pattern than of cats shooting eye lasers.

Hmm...this is an interesting case. Now this is quite funny, but would I really want to wear it at a pool party? Probably not.

Hmm…this is an interesting case. Now this is quite funny, but would I really want to wear it at a pool party? Probably not.

10. If you think speedos are bad, you should see when they’re attached to the neck.

Okay, now this seems to be a cross between a speedo and a high school wrestling get up you'd see in Foxcatcher. As bad as speedos are in swimwear, they guy looks much better without the neck strap. Might want to give him scissors.

Okay, now this seems to be a cross between a speedo and a high school wrestling get up you’d see in Foxcatcher. As bad as speedos are in swimwear, they guy looks much better without the neck strap. Might want to give him scissors.

11. Sometimes one piece swimsuits are so skimpy for women that they seem to come with a bunch of straps to hold them together.

I'm sure she'll run the massive risk of a wardrobe malfunction. Well, if she's caught by the villain and her only means of escape is cutting through those  straps. Also, I'm sure if enough straps break on both sides, well, it's going to be embarrassing.

I’m sure she’ll run the massive risk of a wardrobe malfunction. Well, if she’s caught by the villain and her only means of escape is cutting through those straps. Also, I’m sure if enough straps break on both sides, well, it’s going to be embarrassing.

12. Now a shark bathing suit. Hmmm….wonder if anyone would take a bite out if it.

Now I know sharks play a vital role in the ecosystem and yes, they shouldn't be killed by humans like they are right now. But since there have been people attacked by sharks, well, this probably won't go well with them.

Now I know sharks play a vital role in the ecosystem and yes, they shouldn’t be killed by humans like they are right now. But since there have been people attacked by sharks, well, this probably won’t go well with them.

13. When it comes to two piece swimsuits, you can always get a bright green one with elaborate trimmings.

Okay, while the bottom is fine, the top is pretty disgusting. Seriously, it just sags from the breasts. Swimsuit tops aren't supposed to do that.

Okay, while the bottom is fine, the top is pretty disgusting. Seriously, it just sags from the breasts. Swimsuit tops aren’t supposed to do that.

14. Back in the day, men were just as obliged to cover their chests as women.

Now you'd think a fat guy would actually look good in one of these outfits. Turns out that's really not the case, especially the top is a skirt.

Now you’d think a fat guy would actually look good in one of these outfits. Turns out that’s really not the case, especially the top is a skirt.

15. When wearing a bikini, the top waistline must be below the breasts, not on them.

Now it seems this top on a string bikini is too small for this woman's possibly plastic surgery altered big boobies. Also, please get a bikini top that corresponds to your bra size. Like I said, this pose wouldn't be sexy if a normal woman attempted it.

Now it seems this top on a string bikini is too small for this woman’s possibly plastic surgery altered big boobies. Also, please get a bikini top that corresponds to your bra size. Like I said, this pose wouldn’t be sexy if a normal woman attempted it.

16. When wearing a swimsuit, you always want to look neat and tidy, not like you’re a rescued castaway from a deserted island.

Now Melanie was a deep sea diver who was stranded on a deserted island in the Caribbean. She tore her blue diving suit into shreds just to be more comfortable. This is her when she was rescued.

Now Melanie was a deep sea diver who was stranded on a deserted island in the Caribbean. She tore her blue diving suit into shreds just to be more comfortable. This is her when she was rescued.

17. Now with the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey, there is now a dominatrix swimsuit line.

I'm sure this beautiful purple getup comes with its own cat o'nine tails. Great for the pool, beach, or sex dungeon. Featured in a movie called BDSM Beach Party Bingo.

I’m sure this beautiful purple getup comes with its own cat o’nine tails. Great for the pool, beach, or sex dungeon. Featured in a movie called BDSM Beach Party Bingo.

18. Now this spiky one piece is equipped with a flotation device at its waist.

This would be a great swimsuit for those at the beach who fear drowning and sharks. However, tends to make the wearer look like a complete psycho.

This would be a great swimsuit for those at the beach who fear drowning and sharks. However, tends to make the wearer look like a complete psycho.

19. For black tie beach parties, this tuxedo one piece is for you.

Well, assuming that you're a girl and among the help. Other than that, I'm not sure why anyone would want to pull off a black tie beach party.

Well, assuming that you’re a girl and among the help. Other than that, I’m not sure why anyone would want to pull off a black tie beach party.

20. This swimsuit brings a concept of string bikini to a whole new meaning.

I don't know about you but I think this model should've had a hell of a time putting this damn thing on. I can imagine the possibility of being tangled among the ribbons.

I don’t know about you but I think this model should’ve had a hell of a time putting this damn thing on. I can imagine the possibility of being tangled among the ribbons.

21. Of course, in recent trends, swimsuits have become skimpier and skimpier.

I'm sorry but this is way too sleazy as a bathing suit and doesn't look good on anyone. Seriously, I can totally see the possible wardrobe malfunctions on this one.

I’m sorry but this is way too sleazy as a bathing suit and doesn’t look good on anyone. Seriously, I can totally see the possible wardrobe malfunctions on this one.

22. “My infiltration into the ladies’ room was a cinch.”

I'm sure this guy forgot to shave his beard. And legs. And armpits. Still, I'm sure the guys in the county pen will get a kick out the notion of a guy being arrested in a swimsuit like this one.

I’m sure this guy forgot to shave his beard. And legs. And armpits. Still, I’m sure the guys in the county pen will get a kick out the notion of a guy being arrested in a swimsuit like this one. This might be a woman’s swimsuit even the fact he could fit one of these is kind of disturbing.

23. Fringes always tend to make a swimsuit look more festive at the beach.

But long fringes also have the potential to weight the swimmer down while they're in the water. Yeah, long fringes on swimsuits aren't a good idea.

But long fringes also have the potential to weight the swimmer down while they’re in the water. Yeah, long fringes on swimsuits aren’t a good idea.

24. Of course, a true Tolkein fan always wear a swimsuit of Lord of the Rings.

I'm sure this will have all the girls ogle at you, but not necessarily for what you think. Seriously, this swimsuit has more hot guys on it than what many would typically see on a beach.

I’m sure this will have all the girls ogle at you, but not necessarily for what you think. Seriously, this swimsuit has more hot guys on it than what many would typically see on a beach.

25. I wonder how long it took her to be laced into a swimsuit.

Let's just say while this might look good on a model, it won't look good on a normal person. Also, might take a long time to get in. But if you're into figure control or kinky BDSM stuff, this might be for you.

Let’s just say while this might look good on a model, it won’t look good on a normal person. Also, might take a long time to get in. But if you’re into figure control or kinky BDSM stuff, this might be for you.

26. Nothing says fun in the sun like a swimsuit top made out of lifesavers. Now that gives a whole new meaning to the word, “eye candy.”

Let's hope that these aren't real lifesavers because odds are that she'll probably be arrested for indecent exposure. I mean real lifesavers dissolve in liquids like water and saliva.

Let’s hope that these aren’t real lifesavers because odds are that she’ll probably be arrested for indecent exposure. I mean real lifesavers dissolve in liquids like water and saliva.

27. When it comes to women’s swimwear, sometimes the one piece suits have interesting areas for the breasts.

Now I can see why the straps are essential on this one. However, I'm sure it doesn't really deter the potential for a wardrobe malfunction. Seriously,  I'm not sure if any woman can wear that.

Now I can see why the straps are essential on this one. However, I’m sure it doesn’t really deter the potential for a wardrobe malfunction. Seriously, I’m not sure if any woman can wear that.

28. Now this swimsuit is guaranteed to make any woman look like a badass.

By that, I mean as if she had been wearing it while  escaping from some gigantic monster in the jungle that part of it was torn  while she was caught in a much of thorns. Yeah, she looks totally ripped, but I don't mean in the usual context.

By that, I mean as if she had been wearing it while escaping from some gigantic monster in the jungle that part of it was torn while she was caught in a much of thorns. Yeah, she looks totally ripped, but I don’t mean in the usual context.

29. Think your swimsuit is missing something? Just add more fabric.

I'm sure what she has on underneath isn't much better. But still, I think the upper part kind of weighs her neck down. Also, I'm sure it takes a long time to get into.

I’m sure what she has on underneath isn’t much better. But still, I think the upper part kind of weighs her neck down. Also, I’m sure it takes a long time to get into.

30. Though conventional women’s swimsuit culture always states that less is more, this isn’t always the case.

"Well, we put them in the laundry and somehow they seemed to shrink for some reason." Still, a string bikini should cover your entire vaginal region, not just part of your pubic area. Seriously, that's disgustingly vulgar. And for heaven's sake, think of the children.

“Well, we put them in the laundry and somehow they seemed to shrink for some reason.” Still, a string bikini should cover your entire vaginal region, not just part of your pubic area. Seriously, that’s disgustingly vulgar. And for heaven’s sake, think of the children who have to see this.

31. Now this is the kind of swimsuit that begs the question, “How are her boobs covered in this?”

Now being apparent that she only covers her boobs with her long flowing hair, I'm sure that no woman should wear this swimsuit. Seriously, I think you'd be arrested for indecent exposure if you ever dare wear it in public.

Now being apparent that she only covers her boobs with her long flowing hair, I’m sure that no woman should wear this swimsuit. Seriously, I think you’d be arrested for indecent exposure if you ever dare wear it in public.

32. A swimsuit like this can turn any woman into a bonafide action heroine with sex appeal.

I swear this is the kind of get up that says, "Yes, I'm a badass sexy fighter, but I still need the white male hero to rescue me so we can make sweet love in the end. And I don't care if he's old enough to be my dad or looks like Paul Giamatti."

I swear this is the kind of get up that says, “Yes, I’m a badass sexy fighter, but I still need the white male hero to rescue me so we can make sweet love in the end. And I don’t care if he’s old enough to be my dad or looks like Paul Giamatti.”

33. Seems all this woman is made of is just skin and bone.

Oh, my mistake, it's just that her swimsuit depicts a skeleton. But still, one piece or not, it's kind of disturbing.

Oh, my mistake, it’s just that her swimsuit depicts a skeleton. But still, one piece or not, it’s kind of disturbing.

34. Of course, you can’t attract all the guys on the beach without a one piece of faux black leather.

Recommended for dominatrixes and doubles as a BDSM gimp suit. Cat o'nine tails not included. Guaranteed to make you look like a goddess in the pool party or the sex dungeon any day.

Recommended for dominatrixes and doubles as a BDSM gimp suit. Cat o’nine tails not included. Guaranteed to make you look like a goddess in the pool party or the sex dungeon any day.

35. Sure she can be all skin and bone. But inside she’s all muscle.

Yeah, I'm sure we all want to see your muscles like that. Seriously, lady, get some skin on for a change. At least a naked body doesn't look that disturbing.

Yeah, I’m sure we all want to see your muscles like that. Seriously, lady, get some skin on for a change. At least a naked body doesn’t look that disturbing.

36. Thought regular speedos were bad? Wait until you see one on a guy’s shoulders.

Of course, we all remember this moment from Borat but Sacha Baron Cohen could pull this off better than a lot of men. With a man less fit than he is, you'd be much more obliged to turn away.

Of course, we all remember this moment from Borat but Sacha Baron Cohen could pull this off better than a lot of men. With a man less fit than he is, you’d be much more obliged to turn away.

37. Need to fancy your swimsuit up a bit? Add a nice big bow.

I don't know about you but something tells me that putting a big white bow on a swimsuit kind of makes it look stupid. Ditto with the green straps, too.

I don’t know about you but something tells me that putting a big white bow on a swimsuit kind of makes it look stupid. Ditto with the green straps, too.

38. Of course, when I said that swimsuit bottoms should be similar to underwear, I’m sure multicolored tidy whities doesn’t come to mind.

Now these don't just look like any pair of tidy whities, but ones you'd see on a young boy. Yeah, not something a grown man should wear at the beach.

Now these don’t just look like any pair of tidy whities, but ones you’d see on a young boy. Yeah, not something a grown man should wear at the beach, or anyone else.

39. Now this overstrapped bikini is well suited for the beach, swimming, karate, and combat.

Rumor has it that this was the original costume design for Leeloo in The Fifth Element. It was rejected for a more practical design as Milla Jovovich got tangled when getting in and out of it. So it was marketed as a swimsuit instead.

Rumor has it that this was the original costume design for Leeloo in The Fifth Element. It was rejected for a more practical design as Milla Jovovich got tangled when getting in and out of it. So it was marketed as a swimsuit instead.

40. Don’t have a swimsuit? Crotchet one.

Hmm....now while crotcheting your swimsuit may seem like a good idea, remember that most old fashioned swimsuits were made from wool. And I'm sure that's not a viable swimsuit material. Just saying.

Hmm….now while crotcheting your swimsuit may seem like a good idea, remember that most old fashioned swimsuits were made from wool. And I’m sure that’s not a viable swimsuit material. Just saying.

41. Though she managed to find a suitable bikini bottom, I’m not so sure about the top.

This is known as a triangle bikini and it's crocheted. Still, while the bottom is fine, I don't think the top part adequately covers her nipples. Seriously, I can totally see them. Might be suitable for porn but not on the beach.

This is known as a triangle bikini and it’s crocheted. Still, while the bottom is fine, I don’t think the top part adequately covers her nipples. Seriously, I can totally see them. Might be suitable for porn but not on the beach.

42. In Japan, men’s swimsuits tend to be designed in ways you’d never think possible.

While this swimsuit adequately covers a man's junk, it has the unfortunate side effect of inducing a massive wedgie. Seems like someone is trying to justify their job's existence.

While this swimsuit adequately covers a man’s junk, it has the unfortunate side effect of inducing a massive wedgie. Seems like someone is trying to justify their job’s existence.

43. While the male speedo may remind you of Channing Tatum from Magic Mike, this one reminds you of Channing Tatum from Foxcatcher.

Yep, that swimsuit definitely reminds me of a high school or Olympic wrestling uniform. And let me say, while Foxcatcher is way better than Magic Mike, I'm sure most fangirls would more likely flock to theaters to see male strippers than Olympic wrestlers and deranged, homicidal billionaires.

Yep, that swimsuit definitely reminds me of a high school or Olympic wrestling uniform. And let me say, while Foxcatcher is way better than Magic Mike, I’m sure most fangirls would more likely flock to theaters to see male strippers than Olympic wrestlers and deranged, homicidal billionaires.

44. Of course, when getting a new swimsuit, some people tend to see themselves as better looking than they actually are. Others tend to buy swimsuits that wouldn’t look good on a model in the first place.

Yes, I think this one can leave room for a wardrobe malfunction in the nether regions. But while donning a conventional bikini would not put her on the cover of Sports Illustrated, it would've been at least a more modest choice.

Yes, I think this one can leave room for a wardrobe malfunction in the nether regions. But while donning a conventional bikini would not put her on the cover of Sports Illustrated, it would’ve been at least a more modest choice.

45. We all know that Armani specializes in men’s suits. But did you know that they also design swimsuits as well?

Now I'm sure this one piece is best suited for those formal black tie pool party affairs, if they even exist. Even if they did, I wouldn't be caught dead in that.

Now I’m sure this one piece is best suited for those formal black tie pool party affairs, if they even exist. Even if they did, I wouldn’t be caught dead in that.

46. If you ever thought there was nothing in swimwear ever worse than a speedo or a thong bikini, just wait until you see this guy.

Now this is basically a combination of the speedo and the  swim thong. And it's not pretty. Seriously, I can't even think of any reason why a guy should wear this.

Now this is basically a combination of the speedo and the swim thong. And it’s not pretty. Seriously, I can’t even think of any reason why a guy should wear this.

47. Hmm….swimsuit or gym leotard? You pick.

Of course, this might be a good swimsuit if you're in the Polar Bear Club, but still. Nevertheless, I'm not sure long sleeves belong on a swimsuit. I'm just saying since most people wear them during the summer.

Of course, this might be a good swimsuit if you’re in the Polar Bear Club, but still. Nevertheless, I’m not sure long sleeves belong on a swimsuit. I’m just saying since most people wear them during the summer.

48. “Help, help! Somebody’s groping that woman’s breasts!”

Oh, wait, that's her swimsuit top that resembles hands on her breasts. Also, the guy's wearing a necklace with pot leaves on it. Explains a lot about the woman's swimsuit is picture and the fact that both of them are totally high.

Oh, wait, that’s her swimsuit top that resembles hands on her breasts. Also, the guy’s wearing a necklace with pot leaves on it. Explains a lot about the woman’s swimsuit is picture and the fact that both of them are totally high.

49. In the 1800s, men’s swimsuits had to cover his entire body from neck to toe and tend to resemble something like pajamas in the modern day sense.

They were also made from wool like the ladies' and were just as impractical. But if you were a man in the 1880s and dared to go topless, you could be arrested for indecent exposure. So too bad.

They were also made from wool like the ladies’ and were just as impractical. But if you were a man in the 1880s and dared to go topless, you could be arrested for indecent exposure. So too bad.

50. Hmmm….though it’s supposed to be a man’s swimsuit, I’m confused on whether it’s meant for swimming or semi-nude rock climbing.

It's said to be sexy in the picture but I'm just not buying it. In fact, I think it resembles more like a harness than any swimsuit I ever saw. Also induces wedgies.

It’s said to be sexy in the picture but I’m just not buying it. In fact, I think it resembles more like a harness than any swimsuit I ever saw. Also induces wedgies.

52. When it comes to mesh swimsuits, there are always limits in transparency to consider.

Of course, this person thought a mesh swimsuit should show as much of the body as possible. While the bottom is covered all right, I'm not sure about the top in which the nipple areas are covered with stars.

Of course, this person thought a mesh swimsuit should show as much of the body as possible. While the bottom is covered all right, I’m not sure about the top in which the nipple areas are covered with stars.

52. Swimsuit or get up for action movie sex object?

Whenever I look at this one piece, there's always a question I beg to ask like, "Does it have a back?" Seriously, her ass needs to be covered, too, and not just by a G-string.

Whenever I look at this one piece, there’s always a question I beg to ask like, “Does it have a back?” Seriously, her ass needs to be covered, too, and not just by a G-string.

53. With this swimsuit, you’d swear this was made to elicit fanservice in lederhosen during the 1970s.

Now let's just say, less would definitely be more with this one. Sure it may not really look like lederhosen, it's just the word's pretty funny. Still, either way, the paisley bottom has got to go.

Now let’s just say, less would definitely be more with this one. Sure it may not really look like lederhosen, it’s just the word’s pretty funny. Still, either way, the paisley bottom has got to go.

54. Don’t have a swimsuit? Well, make one from a plastic bag. That will solve everything.

Of course, he'll always have to wear underwear if he plans to actually go to the beach in that. Still, I think it would make more sense if he just buys a pair of trunks at the store. Seriously, wearing a plastic bag makes you look like an idiot. Besides, plastic bags rip apart easily.

Of course, he’ll always have to wear underwear if he plans to actually go to the beach in that. Still, I think it would make more sense if he just buys a pair of trunks at the store. Seriously, wearing a plastic bag makes you look like an idiot. Besides, plastic bags rip apart easily.

55. Boobs too big for the top on your two piece? Cut some holes and air them out.

I think the bikini tops shouldn't have holes in them. Seriously, why would anyone want to wear something like this?

I think the bikini tops shouldn’t have holes in them. Maybe that’s just me. Seriously, why would anyone want to wear something like this?

56. Now I think this idea for a swimsuit consisted of, “So instead of a speedo, how about we make sure that the guy’s genitals are covered and supported by one hip instead of two?”

As if you didn't know if men's swimsuits can get worse than the speedo. Think again. Seriously, why in the hell would any guy wear this?

As if you didn’t know if men’s swimsuits can get worse than the speedo. Think again. Seriously, why in the hell would any guy wear this?

57. For the fan of Superman, go to the beach in some super trunks.

Sure they may be made for adults, but I can't help thinking that these are better suited for a seven-year-old. I'm not sure why. Oh, wait, they kind of resemble what you'd see on little boys' underwear.

Sure they may be made for adults, but I can’t help thinking that these are better suited for a seven-year-old. I’m not sure why. Oh, wait, they kind of resemble what you’d see on little boys’ underwear.

58. Shimmer in this bathing suit as you venture out for your pool party.

Sure she might shimmer in that bathing suit, but can she actually swim in it? Actually I don't think she could. Also, remind me of some scantily clad villainous queen in a sci fi movie.

Sure she might shimmer in that bathing suit, but can she actually swim in it? Actually I don’t think she could. Also, remind me of some scantily clad villainous queen in a sci fi movie.

59. Sometimes in string bikinis, the strings are attached where they should and should not be.

Now looking at this, she looks as if she's wearing a swimsuit as well as some form of figure control or action outfit. Still, this swimsuit can do without a few strings to say the least.

Now looking at this, she looks as if she’s wearing a swimsuit as well as some form of figure control or action outfit. Still, this swimsuit can do without a few strings to say the least.

60. Introducing: The ta-ta top.

Man, I'd sure like to see when the police arrest her for indecent exposure. She'll certainly have an interesting conversation. Talk about a big misunderstanding.

Man, I’d sure like to see when the police arrest her for indecent exposure. She’ll certainly have an interesting conversation. Talk about a big misunderstanding.

61. For a more festive look on the beach, I’m sure a fringed two piece will do you just fine.

Of course, if it was brown, I'm sure this swimsuit would make you look like you're playing a Native American in a porn movie. Luckily, the blue color doesn't get one called for that cultural appropriation.

Of course, if it was brown, I’m sure this swimsuit would make you look like you’re playing a Native American in a porn movie. Luckily, the blue color doesn’t get one called for that cultural appropriation.

62. It seems like she has to flaunt around leaving nothing to the imagination.

Now this is seriously disturbing. I mean, this lady should really get some muscle on her and skin. Nobody wants to see that, honestly. Save maybe a few necrophiles and medical students.

Now this is seriously disturbing. I mean, this lady should really get some muscle on her and skin. Nobody wants to see that, honestly. Save maybe a few necrophiles and medical students.

63. With Muslims, they have modesty swimsuits for women which are required by law in some Middle East beaches (if allowed). Still, don’t know what to think about CGI screen green.

I'm sure if you put her in a CGI green back with a green screen and you wouldn't see much of her. Seriously, I swear many people in CGI animation wear outfits like that in Hollywood every day.

I’m sure if you put her in a CGI green back with a green screen and you wouldn’t see much of her. Seriously, I swear many people in CGI animation wear outfits like that in Hollywood every day.

64. Nothing brings summer in than a swimsuit depicting Jaws and The Little Mermaid.

I'm sure a swimsuit like this is guaranteed to traumatized little girls as it becomes apparent that the shark is about to devour Ariel. Then again, Ariel isn't one of my favorite Disney princesses and was kind of an idiot to exchange her voice for plastic surgery so she can be with a guy she just met.

I’m sure a swimsuit like this is guaranteed to traumatized little girls as it becomes apparent that the shark is about to devour Ariel. Then again, Ariel isn’t one of my favorite Disney princesses and was kind of an idiot to exchange her voice for plastic surgery so she can be with a guy she just met.

65. Now I’m sure this idea for this swimsuit consisted of, “How about we use some weird shaped plastic pieces and the stuff you use to hang your clothes and make a two piece out of that. The girls will love it.”

Now I don't know about you but what are the odds that this was designed by a guy who was a bit too into action movies? Seriously, it tends to look more like male eye candy than anything. Also, I wonder what it looks like in back.

Now I don’t know about you but what are the odds that this was designed by a guy who was a bit too into action movies? Seriously, it tends to look more like male eye candy than anything. Also, I wonder what it looks like in back.

66. Hmmm….wonder if this guy is wearing that for swimming or some nude athletic competition.

Yes, it looks like something Borat would wear but this outfit doesn't resemble an overstretched speedo. Still, I'm sure a guy wouldn't want to wear something like this for fear that he might look like a total idiot.

Yes, it looks like something Borat would wear but this outfit doesn’t resemble an overstretched speedo. Still, I’m sure a guy wouldn’t want to wear something like this for fear that he might look like a total idiot.

67. In the 1800s, it wasn’t unusual for women to frequent the beaches wearing swimsuits of long dresses and bloomers.

Yes, these are old fashioned 1800s women's swimsuits. Not something you'd see in Sports Illustrated by any means. And of course, they weren't practical in regards to actual swimming. But I'm sure if you show your ankles, you'd be arrested for indecent exposure.

Yes, these are old fashioned 1800s women’s swimsuits. Not something you’d see in Sports Illustrated by any means. And of course, they weren’t practical in regards to actual swimming. But I’m sure if you show your ankles, you’d be arrested for indecent exposure.

68. You heard of ugly knitted Christmas sweaters right? Now here is an knitted ugly swimsuit for the holidays?

Now I'm sure this is available in places like Australia and New Zealand where Christmas falls during the summer. Still, I'm not sure about the unicorn and the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Now I’m sure this is available in places like Australia and New Zealand where Christmas falls during the summer. Still, I’m not sure about the unicorn and the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

69. Now this swimsuit comes with plenty of adjustable straps for your comfort and convenience.

Now I'm sure this swimsuit was totally not designed for fetish fuel (sarcasm). Still, adjustable straps or not, this model wouldn't look good if we added a little flab, a few stretch marks, and perhaps 10 more pounds.

Now I’m sure this swimsuit was totally not designed for fetish fuel (sarcasm). Still, adjustable straps or not, this model wouldn’t look good if we added a little flab, a few stretch marks, and perhaps 10 more pounds.

70. I’m sure wearing a bikini like that, the boys will certainly go nutty for her.

However, I'm sure she might want to watch out for critters, particularly squirrels who might find her acorn breasts tasty despite not being ripe. Yeah, I'm sure she'd want to stay away from the forest and the oak trees.

However, I’m sure she might want to watch out for critters, particularly squirrels who might find her acorn breasts tasty despite not being ripe. Yeah, I’m sure she’d want to stay away from the forest and the oak trees.

71. Introducing the Mr. Nice Guy swimsuit.

Now the reason why we call him Mr. Nice Guy is that he's very chill when he's high on pot and tripping balls. Still, like the tie dye. But I'm not sure if this is appropriate swimwear in most states other than in Washington and Colorado.

Now the reason why we call him Mr. Nice Guy is that he’s very chill when he’s high on pot and tripping balls. Still, like the tie dye. But I’m not sure if this is appropriate swimwear in most states other than in Washington and Colorado.

72. Now this is what a swimsuit needs, bright colors and diamond shapes.

Now the colors consist of hot pink, reddish orange, and PennDOT yellow. Still, can't help but think that this seems what a young woman would wear in an action movie.

Now the colors consist of hot pink, reddish orange, and PennDOT yellow. Still, can’t help but think that this seems what a young woman would wear in an action movie, particularly if it was with James Bond.

73. If it weren’t for the hot pink, I’d be sure it was in some Native American style.

Now I wonder if this is a form of cultural appropriation due to the presence of seemingly Native American jewelry. Then again, I'm sure Victoria's Secret tends to offend everybody.

Now I wonder if this is a form of cultural appropriation due to the presence of seemingly Native American jewelry. Then again, I’m sure Victoria’s Secret tends to offend everybody. Also, I’m sure the pink get up is fetish fuel for sure.

74. Nothing makes it fun in the sun like a swimsuit made from body paints.

For those thinking about having a body paint swimsuit, my advice to you: don't. Seriously, do you know why she has her hand between her legs. And I'm sure she's a model so she could get away with it while most people would get arrested.

For those thinking about having a body paint swimsuit, my advice to you: don’t. Seriously, do you know why she has her hand between her legs. And I’m sure she’s a model so she could get away with it while most people would get arrested.

75. For those yearning for childhood videogame nostalgia, this Nintendo Game Boy one piece is for you.

Hmm...let's home the guys don't try to push her buttons too much, especially on her butt. Still, I wonder why a woman would want to subject herself to this. Then again, to each her own.

Hmm…let’s home the guys don’t try to push her buttons too much, especially on her butt. Still, I wonder why a woman would want to subject herself to this. Then again, to each her own.

76. When it comes to swimsuits, some people want them to be clear and blue like the ocean.

I don't know about you, but I'm sure this was made from some kind of sheet that's supposed to wrap around her. Also, I'm not sure about the bottoms being cut around the middle. Still, makes her look like a comic book super heroine like Storm's mutant sister Tsunami (whom I made up at the spur of the moment).

I don’t know about you, but I’m sure this was made from some kind of sheet that’s supposed to wrap around her. Also, I’m not sure about the bottoms being cut around the middle. Still, makes her look like a comic book super heroine like Storm’s mutant sister Tsunami (whom I made up at the spur of the moment).

77. In speedos, some are harder to get in than others. Luckily, this one has a zipper in front.

I'm sure the zipper really helps keep the junk under wrap, as long as it's totally zipped. Still, there's a reason why we have buttons on top of jeans. And I'm sure this one has, "standard female grab area" written all over it.

I’m sure the zipper really helps keep the junk under wrap, as long as it’s totally zipped. Still, there’s a reason why we have buttons on top of jeans. And I’m sure this one has, “standard male grab area” written all over it.

78. I call this one the State Auto swimsuit since it has minimum coverage for minimum budgets.

However, sometimes on the beach I'm sure that minimum coverage won't do, especially when you're  putting yourself at risk for a wardrobe malfunction. Seriously, do people have any decency when it comes to swimsuits?

However, sometimes on the beach I’m sure that minimum coverage won’t do, especially when you’re putting yourself at risk for a wardrobe malfunction. Seriously, do people have any decency when it comes to swimsuits? As far as beaches and pools go, you want to play it safe with the swimsuits.

79. For Star Wars fans, say hello to this R2 D2 one piece get up for pool parties a long, long, time ago in a galaxy far, far away…..

Okay, now when R2 D2 tends to save everyone's ass in the Star Wars movies, I don't think viewing R2 D2 as sexy is a good idea. Still, I'm sure the geeks will love it.

Okay, now when R2 D2 tends to save everyone’s ass in the Star Wars movies, I don’t think viewing R2 D2 as sexy is a good idea. Still, I’m sure the geeks will love it.

80. Now this 77 two piece is sure to bring you into the team spirit.

Hate to say this, but I'm not sure whether this is a swimsuit or a powderpuff football sex costume. Either way, you can bet that some teenage girl's father is certainly not going to let her wear that. And not for religious reasons either.

Hate to say this, but I’m not sure whether this is a swimsuit or a powderpuff football sex costume. Either way, you can bet that some teenage girl’s father is certainly not going to let her wear that. And not for religious reasons either.

The Strange World of Ceramic Mugs

mugs (1)

Ever since humans learned to make something to carry their consumable liquid and put their food on, it wasn’t long until they started wanting to have their personal drinking vessels to carry some personal touch. Thus, ceramics have become an art form as well as a practical house ware ever since. In fact, every civilization on earth basically has their own set of decorated ceramics and there are many archaeologists who can tell you where certain ceramics are from and what they were used for based on decoration alone. Of course, mugs are such a common feature in daily life that you can buy one from basically anywhere but the grocery store. Seriously, you can buy one as a souvenir if you go on vacation or if you want to buy someone a present. Nevertheless, in our 21st century, most people use mugs for their drinks as well as have them customized to their own designs. Some have pictures, some have words, and some don’t have anything at all. People have even made their own mugs in pottery classes. Now I can go on and on about all the great mugs out there, but you’d think it would be boring. So instead, I’ll show some of the tackiest mugs out there you wouldn’t want to miss. So for your reading pleasure, here are some specimens from the strange world of ceramic mugs. By the way, some of these might not be safe for work. Don’t ask. Oh, and not all will actually be made from ceramic by the way, it’s just the default material.

1. If you love peacocks, then this set of mugs would be simply to die for.

Now if I saw these at a person's house, then I'd question their taste in interior housewares. Seriously, I expect these to be found at a house with at least one pink flamingo on their lawn minimum.

Now if I saw these at a person’s house, then I’d question their taste in interior housewares. Seriously, I expect these to be found at a house with at least one pink flamingo on their lawn minimum.

2. Now this mug tells you exactly what it’s for.

Now if there's a chemist or chemistry major in your life, this would be the perfect gift for them. And yes, that molecule is caffeine, the pick me up for the masses.

Now if there’s a chemist or chemistry major in your life, this would be the perfect gift for them. And yes, that molecule is caffeine, the pick me up for the masses.

3. Now I’m udderly confused? Is this used for milk or tea?

Now this is a Cow Breast Shaped Milk Glass Mug. You heard me. I'm sure no milk is coming from those udders or in them. Perfect for the dairy farmer's morning coffee.

Now this is a Cow Breast Shaped Milk Glass Mug. You heard me. I’m sure no milk is coming from those udders or in them. Perfect for the dairy farmer’s morning coffee.

4. If you’re looking for something to give a person who loves the 1980s and videogames, this is the perfect mug for them.

I'm sure this Atari game mug will bring anyone into feeling 1980s nostalgia. That, or help someone stay awake long enough to play videogames.

I’m sure this Atari game mug will bring anyone into feeling 1980s nostalgia. That, or help someone stay awake long enough to play videogames.

5. For the golfer in your life, this one will help them improve their game before venturing to the country club.

Of course, I wonder if it's more suited for those who play miniature golf. Just a hunch. I mean the golf club and ball are really, really tiny.

Of course, I wonder if it’s more suited for those who play miniature golf. Just a hunch. I mean the golf club and ball are really, really tiny.

6. “All right, stop right there, give me your coffee or your life.”

Now this is the gun every gangster reaches for first thing in the morning, every morning. Tony Soprano must have one of these or I'll be damned. Seriously, it's a perfect coffee mug for him.

Now this is the gun every gangster reaches for first thing in the morning, every morning. Tony Soprano must have one of these or I’ll be damned. Seriously, it’s a perfect coffee mug for him.

7. Once you’re done your coffee, you can use this mug to recycle it and protect the planet.

Yes, this may appear eco-friendly. But I wonder if it goes with similar mugs that resemble a garbage and biohazard bins respectively. Also, is this one for paper or plastic?

Yes, this may appear eco-friendly. But I wonder if it goes with similar mugs that resemble a garbage and biohazard bins respectively. Also, is this one for paper or plastic?

8. With this Black Knight mug, if anyone but you shall drink from it, then they shall die.

Of course, unlike the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, this one doesn't come with limbs to hack off. Which kind of takes all the fun out of it.

Of course, unlike the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, this one doesn’t come with limbs to hack off. Which kind of takes all the fun out of it.

9. For the chemist or anyone majoring in chemistry, this mug is great whether in the home or in the lab.

Of course, if you want to use it for both lab and home, make sure you wash and dry it before either use. You don't want anything unfortunate happen.

Of course, if you want to use it for both lab and home, make sure you wash and dry it before either use. You don’t want anything unfortunate happen like an accident.

10. Practice your basketball skills with this mug of a ball and court.

Of course, it's best for hot chocolate so you can put the mini marshmallows through the basket. Also great to drink from during March Madness.

Of course, it’s best for hot chocolate so you can put the mini marshmallows through the basket. Also great to drink from during March Madness.

11. This mug seems to stand on its own two feet.

Of course, I don't know what to think about the human feet though. Seems kind of creepy in a way. Like something from  a creepy surrealist film.

Of course, I don’t know what to think about the human feet though. Seems kind of creepy in a way. Like something from a creepy surrealist film.

12. A guy always needs a cup of joe before he goes behind a bulldozer.

Now I'm sure this kind would make any male construction worker a laughingstock at work. Then again, maybe not. Still, pretty clever.

Now I’m sure this kind would make any male construction worker a laughingstock at work. Then again, maybe not. Still, pretty clever.

13. I’m sure the dial tells how hot your coffee is inside.

Then again, it might be for show. Still, it's said to be a hotrod type coffee mug. But it looks Steampunk to me for some reason. Even in bright red.

Then again, it might be for show. Still, it’s said to be a hotrod type coffee mug. But it looks Steampunk to me for some reason. Even in bright red.

14. With a mug like this, those knuckles will come in handy while you’re in a dark alley and know how to use them.

Of course, getting in a fight with this mug might ruin its use as a drinking vessel. Still, not sure how these would fare in hand to hand combat.

Of course, getting in a fight with this mug might ruin its use as a drinking vessel. Still, not sure how these would fare in hand to hand combat. Banned in Canada.

15. Get up in the morning with a cup from R2 D2.

R2 D2: most likely the most underrated character in the whole Star Wars franchise. Seriously, if it weren't for this ornery and courageous little droid, the good guys would be sunk. Yeah, basically saves everyone's ass.

R2 D2: most likely the most underrated character in the whole Star Wars franchise. Seriously, if it weren’t for this ornery and courageous little droid, the good guys would be sunk. Yeah, basically saves everyone’s ass.

16. Though coffee is seen as a morning beverage, ninjas tend to drink it under cover of darkness.

Of course, this ninja is cute. But still, real Japanese ninjas didn't dress in black. Their penchant for invisibility was psychological. Rather they typically dressed like peasants who no high ranking Japanese samurai would suspect. Oh, and most ninjas were samurai in Japan.

Of course, this ninja is cute. But still, real Japanese ninjas didn’t dress in black. Their penchant for invisibility was psychological. Rather they typically dressed like peasants who no high ranking Japanese samurai would suspect. Oh, and most ninjas were samurai in Japan.

17. For couples, you always want a distinctive mug to distinguish from your significant other.

I try to keep any images of private parts to a minimum. But since these mugs are among the worst things to give any couple, I had to make special mention. Seriously, I'm not sure if anyone would want to be seen at home with these, let alone in public.

I try to keep any images of private parts to a minimum. But since these mugs are among the worst things to give any couple, I had to make special mention. Seriously, I’m not sure if anyone would want to be seen at home with these, let alone in public.

18. This battle designed mug was made to handle anything.

Now how is in the hell is this a battle designed mug? It looks like it was made from plastic, which isn't the strongest material. Oh, you can put your guns on it. Seriously, why does this even exist?

Now how is in the hell is this a battle designed mug? It looks like it was made from plastic, which isn’t the strongest material. Oh, you can put your guns on it. Seriously, why does this even exist?

19. When on an assignment, photographers love to get some zoom in action from their morning brew.

Let's hope a real photographer doesn't get this camera lens mug mixed up with a real camera lens. It can get awkward.

Let’s hope a real photographer doesn’t get this camera lens mug mixed up with a real camera lens. It can get awkward.

20. I’m sure when you see a yellow triangle with an exclamation mark, you should know not to mess with the contents.

Unfortunately, someone didn't listen and pulled the plug. Resulted in a massive spill of hot coffee all over. Luckily no furniture was damaged.

Unfortunately, someone didn’t listen and pulled the plug. Resulted in a massive spill of hot coffee all over. Luckily no furniture was damaged.

21. For the more modern artistic type, this is one of the sleekest mugs money can buy.

Hmmm....not sure if it's practical as a drinking vessel. Also, seems a bit too artsy for my taste. I think a conventional mug is perfectly reasonable.

Hmmm….not sure if it’s practical as a drinking vessel. Also, seems a bit too artsy for my taste. I think a conventional mug is perfectly reasonable.

22. If you like to drink your coffee the way you sample soup, this slurp mug is for you.

Know what this can also be used for? Soup, no less. Also, you can even hang it on a hook if you want.

Know what this can also be used for? Soup, no less. Also, you can even hang it on a hook if you want. Man, I wonder what they cost on Amazon.

23. Of course, some people tend to lose it when they get angry and need caffeine.

Remind me to stay away from the guy who owns this mug. Seriously, flunking anger management really doesn't say much good about you, especially if your name is Bruce Banner.

Remind me to stay away from the guy who owns this mug. Seriously, flunking anger management really doesn’t say much good about you, especially if your name is Bruce Banner.

24. This mug makes you drink your coffee as if it’s from a porcelain pop can.

Man, I wonder if the ancient Chinese drank from porcelain pop cans. Probably not. Still, doesn't give off the aluminum after taste doesn't it.

Man, I wonder if the ancient Chinese drank from porcelain pop cans. Probably not. Still, doesn’t give off the aluminum after taste doesn’t it.

25. Hmmm….I wonder if that person’s drinking from a turd or is it just me?

Love the slogan on this:

Love the slogan on this: “Is it just me or is everything crap?” Well, I think it’s just then. But on the hand, many of the farmers in my neighborhood use cow shit as fertilizer.

26. Now this mug doubles as a boombox if you turn it on the side.

Now this doesn't actually play music since it's painted on. But you get the idea. Okay, c'mon, use your imagination.

Now this doesn’t actually play music since it’s painted on. But you get the idea. Okay, c’mon, use your imagination.

27. Ever wish you guys can drink beer from your cowboy boot? Well, now you can.

Well, if you're Cinderella of the Wild West, that is. Then again, she seems to leave one of these when she had to leave the hoe-down. Not sure if Sheriff Charming will follow her home.

Well, if you’re Cinderella of the Wild West, that is. Then again, she seems to leave one of these when she had to leave the hoe-down. Not sure if Sheriff Charming will follow her home.

28. Alas, Poor Yorick for Hamlet hath fashioned you into a drinking vessel for his morning joe.

Now I'm sure people will freak out if you drink something from this one like red wine. Even if it is made from porcelain.

Now I’m sure people will freak out if you drink something from this one like red wine. Even if it is made from porcelain.

29. I’m sure this mug will store your milk and your cookies in the same place.

Kind of strange that the mug has a human face with a big mouth. But at least it doesn't devour them. Still, quite a nifty device if I do say so myself.

Kind of strange that the mug has a human face with a big mouth. But at least it doesn’t devour them. Still, quite a nifty device if I do say so myself.

30. When it comes to drinking decaf, some people can be so judgmental and it shows.

Well, sure decaf is for wimps but it's like drinking coffee for the taste and not for the reason why most people drink coffee.

Well, sure decaf is for wimps but it’s like drinking coffee for the taste and not for the reason why most people drink coffee. Kind of defeats the whole purpose.

31. You’ve heard about coffee with donuts. So how about some coffee in your donut?

Now this would be a great mug to give that neighborhood police officer. Then again, he'd probably appreciate an actual donut much more.

Now this would be a great mug to give that neighborhood police officer. Then again, he’d probably appreciate an actual donut much more.

32. Now this is the kind of mug you’d want to give to somebody who loves the smell of napalm in the morning.

Okay, napalm may not be radioactive but I'm sure it's quite explosive and you wouldn't want to be anywhere near it. Still, this grenade one is pretty crazy. At least it doesn't blow up when you pull the pin.

Okay, napalm may not be radioactive but I’m sure it’s quite explosive and you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near it. Still, this grenade one is pretty crazy. At least it doesn’t blow up when you pull the pin.

33. For Sesame Street fans, this Cookie Monster mug will store your cookies and your coffee. And I’m sure your kids will love it.

As tacky as it seems, you can't hate this mug for God's sake. Seriously, everyone loves Cookie Monster even though he's not the best role model on Sesame Street since his dietary choices aren't the greatest. But we love him anyway.

As tacky as it seems, you can’t hate this mug for God’s sake. Seriously, everyone loves Cookie Monster even though he’s not the best role model on Sesame Street since his dietary choices aren’t the greatest. But we love him anyway.

34. Now this mug is able to indicate to your company whether to talk to you or not.

When it's full, it means they can't communicate in complete sentences. When it's half, it means they can't carry on a conversation. Only when it's nearly empty, you may talk.

When it’s full, it means they can’t communicate in complete sentences. When it’s half, it means they can’t carry on a conversation. Only when it’s nearly empty, you may talk.

35. Seems like someone prefers their coffee on the Dark Side.

And I'm sure if he doesn't like it, he'll probably force choke you until you suffocate to death. Must be a complete hell working for a guy like that. Cue

And I’m sure if he doesn’t like it, he’ll probably force choke you until you suffocate to death. Must be a complete hell working for a guy like that. Cue “Imperial March.”

36. Now this is a coffee mug that seems like 65 million years in the making or hanging around in the Jurassic Park souvenir shop.

However, I'm not sure why anyone would want to go to Jurassic Park. Seems like going to the park is an absolute death wish.

However, I’m not sure why anyone would want to go to Jurassic Park. Seems like going to the park is an absolute death wish.

37. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the boob mug.

Now this would be a great souvenir mug for some strip club or sex shop. Very bad commemorative gift to buy for anybody.

Now this would be a great souvenir mug for some strip club or sex shop. Very bad commemorative gift to buy for anybody.

38. Now this cow mug tends to stand on its udders.

I'm sure there's no milk in these udders but I'm sure it's tacky enough to go with those peacock mugs. Then again, it might be even in more poor taste.

I’m sure there’s no milk in these udders but I’m sure it’s tacky enough to go with those peacock mugs. Then again, it might be even in more poor taste.

39. Now this coffee mug appears to come from out of this world and land in some undisclosed location.

I wonder if they sell these on Roswell. Probably do. Seems like those crazy UFO seekers will go anywhere to see a flying saucer land, especially at a location of a recent UFO sighting.

I wonder if they sell these on Roswell. Probably do. Seems like those crazy UFO seekers will go anywhere to see a flying saucer land, especially at a location of a recent UFO sighting. Hate to know what the aliens put in their coffee, if they drink it at all.

40. Since there’s an obsession with women’s butts, I thought this would be an appropriate mug for our times.

Of course, this would be a great coffee mug for Kim Kardashian. Then again, I'm not sure if giving it to anyone else would be a compliment or an insult.

Of course, this would be a great coffee mug for Kim Kardashian. Then again, I’m not sure if giving it to anyone else would be a compliment or an insult.

41. Of course, in Louisiana, some coffee mugs have pelican bills.

Of course, you can hold liquids in its bill. Not sure how much. Hope none of it contains oil, after what happened with Deepwater Horizion in the Gulf of Mexico.

Of course, you can hold liquids in its bill. Not sure how much. Hope none of it contains oil, after what happened with Deepwater Horizion in the Gulf of Mexico.

42. Now this metal beer mug would make a fine addition to any man cave, and only in a man cave.

Now this is probably a perfect gift for a guy's pervy friend whose truck has the mudflaps with the naked ladies and a stash of porn. Then again, I'm not sure who'd really think getting a mug like this is a good idea.

Now this is probably a perfect gift for a guy’s pervy friend whose truck has the mudflaps with the naked ladies and a stash of porn. Then again, I’m not sure who’d really think getting a mug like this is a good idea.

43. Like your behind, your mug should also be covered in denim.

Think of it as a souvenir from the Levi's factory. Not sure whether they are 501s, 527s, 512, or 529s. Yeah, you learn how to identify the types of jeans while working in the men's department at Macy's over the holidays.

Think of it as a souvenir from the Levi’s factory. Not sure whether they are 501s, 527s, 512, or 529s. Yeah, you learn how to identify the types of jeans while working in the men’s department at Macy’s over the holidays.

44. In Scotland, even the mugs are wearing kilts down there.

Now this ceramic red kilt mug also has legs to go along with it. Nevertheless, I can't help whether they wear anything under there. Then again, I must've gotten me mind in the gutter.

Now this ceramic red kilt mug also has legs to go along with it. Nevertheless, I can’t help whether they wear anything under there. Then again, I must’ve gotten me mind in the gutter.

45. “That’s one small step for a mug, one giant leap for mug kind.”

Now this is a mug of the lunar module. But to me, it seems to resemble an alien spacecraft more or less. Guess the lunar module doesn't translate well in mug form.

Now this is a mug of the lunar module. But to me, it seems to resemble an alien spacecraft more or less. Guess the lunar module doesn’t translate well in mug form.

46. I don’t know about you, but I sure wouldn’t want to drink whatever’s in that mug.

Of course, this radioactive mug contains some of the best coffee grown fresh from the coffee plantations of Three Mile Island. Okay, I know Three Mile Island is in Pennsylvania and doesn't grow coffee, but it's not like I know any exotic coffee growing place that's famous for a nuclear meltdown.

Of course, this radioactive mug contains some of the best coffee grown fresh from the coffee plantations of Three Mile Island. Okay, I know Three Mile Island is in Pennsylvania and doesn’t grow coffee, but it’s not like I know any exotic coffee growing place that’s famous for a nuclear meltdown.

47. Of course, any Star Wars fan couldn’t do without a mug of an Imperial Stormtrooper.

Still, I'm not sure if I'd want to have an Imperial Stormtrooper coffee pot. Sure it will pour but it will always miss. Yeah, Imperial Stormtroppers never really seem to hit their targets for some reason.

Still, I’m not sure if I’d want to have an Imperial Stormtrooper coffee pot. Sure it will pour but it will always miss. Yeah, Imperial Stormtroopers never really seem to hit their targets for some reason.

48. Now this mug set seems to either be of Adam and Eve or from a nudist colony.

Either way, I wouldn't want to be caught dead drinking from either in front of kids or in public. Seriously, why do these even exist is beyond me. Do not buy.

Either way, I wouldn’t want to be caught dead drinking from either in front of kids or in public. Seriously, why do these even exist is beyond me. Do not buy.

49. Seems like this mummy got up on the wrong side of the sarcophagus this morning.

Yeah, you really don't want to anger a mummy in the morning. Best give them a cup of coffee to keep them under wraps so to speak.

Yeah, you really don’t want to anger a mummy in the morning. Best give them a cup of coffee to keep them under wraps so to speak.

50. Only in Myrtle Beach can you get a souvenir mug of a sunbathing man with one leg.

I'm sure this has to do with a design flaw of some type or anything in the artistic depiction. Still, it's quite weird even if you don't have anything against amputee sunbathers.

I’m sure this has to do with a design flaw of some type or anything in the artistic depiction. Still, it’s quite weird even if you don’t have anything against amputee sunbathers.

51. “All right, take two cups of espresso and call me in the morning.”

Seems that this person better check the dosage or else he or she might develop an addiction to medicinal coffee addiction. Yes, that bean is quite powerful stuff.

Seems that this person better check the dosage or else he or she might develop an addiction to medicinal coffee addiction. Yes, that bean is quite powerful stuff.

52. “Hello, I am Coffee bot and I am here to serve you.”

Okay, maybe it's not a real robot which actually works. Still, you'd want to pour coffee into him would you? Kind of disappointing he doesn't work though.

Okay, maybe it’s not a real robot which actually works. Still, you’d want to pour coffee into him would you? Kind of disappointing he doesn’t work though.

53. Lift off this morning with this one of a kind coffee mug.

Of course, when it it spills it's basically,

Of course, when it it spills it’s basically, “Houston, we have a problem.” Still, kind of wish it came with a lid because it seems more like half a rocket to me.

54. Sometimes people like to stack their mugs together, especially if they have their own boxes.

Seems like having a bunch of stackable brick mugs might be quite convenient to have. Then again, people might wonder why you're drinking from a square mug.

Seems like having a bunch of stackable brick mugs might be quite convenient to have. Then again, people might wonder why you’re drinking from a square mug.

55. Finally, now this is the kind of mug which can help you tell your boss what you really feel about him.

Okay, now as much as I think it's amusing, I'm not sure if you want to show your boss that mug. I mean fewer of us aren't working in unionized workplace. So George Jetson job security is very common, especially to low wage workers.

Okay, now as much as I think it’s amusing, I’m not sure if you want to show your boss that mug. I mean fewer of us aren’t working in unionized workplace. So George Jetson job security is very common, especially to low wage workers.

56. Of course, for those going to Hawaii this summer, I’m sure you’d want a tiki mug as as souvenir.

Man, tacky tiki stuff never gets old, doesn't it? I don't know about you but  culture biases aside, tiki  sometimes can range from cool to poor taste depending on the setting.

Man, tacky tiki stuff never gets old, doesn’t it? I don’t know about you but culture biases aside, tiki sometimes can range from cool to poor taste depending on the setting.

57. Why should you have to guess your coffee’s temperature when your mug can do it instead?

Now with this mug, I'm sure heating up your coffee will be much easier. Of course, you can also use something called,

Now with this mug, I’m sure heating up your coffee will be much easier. Of course, you can also use something called, “the hands.”

58. For the genius in your life, a Rubix Cube mug will help them solve their problems.

Of course, in order for the Rubix Cube to be a workable mug, it has to be solved first. Still, not sure if it takes the fun or frustration out of it.

Of course, in order for the Rubix Cube to be a workable mug, it has to be solved first. Still, not sure if it takes the fun or frustration out of it.

59. Of course, just because you shouldn’t have a dirty mouth, does not mean your mug shouldn’t either.

Okay, now these seem like they're straight out from Nasty Teeth.com. Unless the other person is in on the joke, these don't make very good gifts.

Okay, now these seem like they’re straight out from Nasty Teeth.com. Unless the other person is in on the joke, these don’t make very good gifts.

60. Now if a guy has a mug like this, you don’t want to see him when he’s angry.

This is especially the case when the person in question is none other than Dr. Bruce Banner. So yeah, you might want to get Dr. Banner his coffee before he, you know.

This is especially the case when the person in question is none other than Dr. Bruce Banner. So yeah, you might want to get Dr. Banner his coffee before he, you know.

61. Of course, when it comes to modern mug design, you should go with vibrant colors.

Now I like these. But I'm sure anyone who drinks from these is a hipster. But what the hell?

Now I like these. But I’m sure anyone who drinks from these is a hipster. But what the hell? Seems like a rather futuristic design if you get my drift.

62. Some people tend to wake up feeling like a horse’s ass.

Now I'm not sure what to make of this. I guess this is more of a gag gift for some people. Is there a head on the other side?

Now I’m not sure what to make of this. I guess this is more of a gag gift for some people. Is there a head on the other side?

63. For your under the sea mug collection, this pink octopus mug will do nicely.

Now I'm sure any maritime fan would want this in their collection. Wonder if it will freak out anyone or stand out like a sore thumb among some of the better looking maritime mugs. Kind of like the pink flamingo of maritime mugs.

Now I’m sure any maritime fan would want this in their collection. Wonder if it will freak out anyone or stand out like a sore thumb among some of the better looking maritime mugs. Kind of like the pink flamingo of maritime mugs.

64. Of course, it’s some companies’ custom to sell mugs with their logo on them this is from a power company.

I'm sure British Petroleum's company mug not only looks like an oil drum, but it also contains some salty black liquid inside of it. And I'm sure it's not coffee.

I’m sure British Petroleum’s company mug not only looks like an oil drum, but it also contains some salty black liquid inside of it. And I’m sure it’s not coffee.

65. Some people sleep till noon while others are found wide awake at the crack of dawn.

Okay, now this was probably made from some frat boy in pottery class. Still, I'm sure this is certainly not on the dark side of the moon.

Okay, now this was probably made from some frat boy in pottery class. Still, I’m sure this is certainly not on the dark side of the moon.

66. Of course, morning is the time of day when you can check your e-mail.

So I guess this is expensive as hell or doesn't really work. Talk about going online while you drink your coffee in the morning. Seems kind of ridiculous to me.

So I guess this is expensive as hell or doesn’t really work. Talk about going online while you drink your coffee in the morning. Seems kind of ridiculous to me.

67. In some pottery classes, there’s a fine line between what’s acceptable and what’s not. Still, these are downright sleazy.

I'm sure these would make perfect gifts for any  sleazy guy with a penchant for pottery. Still, I think nudity shouldn't be in ceramics for obvious reasons. Seriously, you want to have mugs with content that's at least PG-13.

I’m sure these would make perfect gifts for any sleazy guy with a penchant for pottery. Still, I think nudity shouldn’t be in ceramics for obvious reasons. Seriously, you want to have mugs with content that’s at least PG-13.

68. When it comes to creating mugs, you can pretty much make one from just about everything.

This seems like it was made of an aluminum can and some wooden handle. Looks like something a hobo might use. Then again, it appears too shiny for some reason.

This seems like it was made of an aluminum can and some wooden handle. Looks like something a hobo might use. Then again, it appears too shiny for some reason.

69. When it comes to morning routine, it’s said that coffee is known to get people wired up for the day.

Of course, I'm sure the wire is fake but it seems to make a great handle. Still, I think this is a pretty inventive mug if you think about it.

Of course, I’m sure the wire is fake but it seems to make a great handle. Still, I think this is a pretty inventive mug if you think about it.

70. Of course, when it comes to mugs, a real maritime fan has to have one of a fish in the darkest depths of the ocean.

On second thought, this deep sea fish is one of the ugliest sea creatures ever. I mean it's almost the stuff of nightmares. Why anyone would want to have mug like this is anyone's guess.

On second thought, this deep sea fish is one of the ugliest sea creatures ever. I mean it’s almost the stuff of nightmares. Why anyone would want to have mug like this is anyone’s guess.

71. “All right, men, let’s set our phasers to decaf just to be safe.”

Of course, all Starfleet officers must have their coffee, too. But I'm sure anyone wearing a red shirt will be more susceptible for spill burns. Because redshirts tend to be expendable  human cannon fodder.

Of course, all Starfleet officers must have their coffee, too. But I’m sure anyone wearing a red shirt will be more susceptible for spill burns. Because redshirts tend to be expendable human cannon fodder.

72. This mug seems to blur the lines between the notion of coffee mug and coffee machine.

Of course, if you use it as a coffee machine, what do we use under it? I think that's a viable question. Then again, maybe the machinery look is more for decoration.

Of course, if you use it as a coffee machine, what do we use under it? I think that’s a viable question. Then again, maybe the machinery look is more for decoration.

73. A fashionable lady always needs to drink her morning joe in style.

I'm not sure if a stiletto heel mug is very practical as a drinking vessel. Nevertheless, sort of give a whole new meaning to the word, "hip flask."

I’m not sure if a stiletto heel mug is very practical as a drinking vessel. Nevertheless, sort of give a whole new meaning to the word, “hip flask.”

74. With this rattler mug, nobody will ever dare drink your coffee ever again.

Now this is perhaps one of the most intimidating mugs I've ever seen. Seems like this rattlesnake really isn't too happy and guards his morning joe with a vigilance.

Now this is perhaps one of the most intimidating mugs I’ve ever seen. Seems like this rattlesnake really isn’t too happy and guards his morning joe with a vigilance.

75. Be at the height of fashion with this trendy zebra print handbag mug.

Of course, while some may think this fancy mug is the most fashionable thing you'd see in the Prada break room, I think it's as tacky as any overpriced handbag they sell on Saks Fifth Avenue. Sorry, but I'm no fan of the high fashion industry or the concept of wearing expensive name brand clothes made from the hands of children in some Third World country.

Of course, while some may think this fancy mug is the most fashionable thing you’d see in the Prada break room, I think it’s as tacky as any overpriced handbag they sell on Saks Fifth Avenue. Sorry, but I’m no fan of the high fashion industry or the concept of wearing expensive name brand clothes made from the hands of children in some Third World country.

76. Sometimes a handy coffee mug can also make a useful paperweight.

Now I'm sure this would definitely appear in the Jurassic Park gift shop. Then again, I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a dinosaur's foot anyway. Could come from any reptile as I see it.

Now I’m sure this would definitely appear in the Jurassic Park gift shop. Then again, I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a dinosaur’s foot anyway. Could come from any reptile as I see it.

77. Want to know where a driver’s coffee goes? Perhaps this mug will tell you.

Now according to this, very little of the coffee in the mug actually gets sipped. However most of it is either thrown out in the parking lot or spilled over on someone's brand new jacket.

Now according to this, very little of the coffee in the mug actually gets sipped. However most of it is either thrown out in the parking lot or spilled over on someone’s brand new jacket.

78. Of course, a coffee mug from the Hundred Acre Wood can be quite deceptive in its use.

I'm sure Winnie the Pooh has fans of all ages from kids to adults. But having a coffee mug as a one of Pooh's honey pots, well, I'm not so sure.

I’m sure Winnie the Pooh has fans of all ages from kids to adults. But having a coffee mug as a one of Pooh’s honey pots, well, I’m not so sure.

79. Is this an upside down mug right side up or just a regular mug upside down?

The glaze tells me that it might be a mug that's supposed to look upside down. But I'm not sure if it goes too deep. Yet, I'm sure  this might cause some confusion.

The glaze tells me that it might be a mug that’s supposed to look upside down. But I’m not sure if it goes too deep. Yet, I’m sure this might cause some confusion.

80. Of course, have your coffee in a mug that’s designed like a water cooler at some high school or college football game.

Of course, it's well known what's in this mug so you don't have to pour it out on someone after a team victory. Then again, I have no idea why football players dump these things on themselves after a game. Must be tradition. Still, I think the design is quite clever for some reason.

Of course, it’s well known what’s in this mug so you don’t have to pour it out on someone after a team victory. Then again, I have no idea why football players dump these things on themselves after a game. Must be tradition. Still, I think the design is quite clever for some reason.

Our Moral Obligation to the Environment

mother-earth-pubdom-pixabay

Now though I’m a weekly churchgoing Catholic leftist, I rarely talk about religious matters that don’t concern holidays or tacky religious art because I really don’t want to offend anyone. But this month Pope Francis plans to deliver an encyclical on the environment as well as accepted climate change as a legitimate threat caused by human activity which has riled a lot of people on the American Catholic Right. Now the American Catholic Right believes that “true” Catholics like them should accept everything of Catholic Church says about the things they agree with like the Church’s stance on sex and reproductive issues that most American Catholics tend to either not take seriously or be major hypocrites about (and it doesn’t help that the biggest Catholic voices in this country come from people on the Catholic Right who are mostly concerned about the issues. However, I should tell my readers that the Catholic Right basically consists of the biggest jerks affiliated with the Roman Catholic Church in America who represent little of what the Roman Catholic Church stands for and not at all of what most American Catholics believe in.) However, when it comes to issues the Catholic Church and the American Catholic Right disagree with, then the latter tends to downplay the seriousness of the matters at hand whether they be internet neutrality, universal healthcare, affordable childcare, social welfare for the poor, capital punishment, unionism, penal reform, economic justice, immigration reform, torture, war, gun control, capitalism and consumerism, social justice for minorities, police reform, ending homelessness, and of course, environmental protection. If being a born and raised progressive Catholic ever taught me anything it’s that these conservatives have absolutely no legitimate credence to say who’s a good Catholic and who’s not since they’re no more faithful to church doctrine in their politics than their liberal counterparts (possibly even less). It’s just that American Catholic conservatives tend to call fellow liberals out on this more frequently for not conforming to their own personal vision of Catholicism. But in personal preference, I just try to be as good a Catholic as I can be even if the Church and I might disagree with some issues on sex and reproduction. Besides, I tend to state that the Catholic Church is one of the reasons I’m a true blue liberal today, a fact which I’m proud of. And I will remain a practicing Catholic in my own way whether the Catholic Right likes it or not.

Now the American Catholic Right is filled with climate change deniers like any good contingent of the Republican Party and many of them don’t like how Pope Francis is taking climate change and environmental very seriously. A good example is when Rick Santorum stated that Pope Francis should leave climate change to the scientists since it’s a “controversial theory,” despite that Pope Francis agrees with 97% of climate scientists and Santorum doesn’t. And even if Pope Francis didn’t work as a chemist before entering the priesthood or have any scientific background whatsoever, is he wrong to talk about environmental problems and caring for creation? No way in hell. In fact, I’d think it should be part of his job.

Now Pope Francis’s encyclical is supposed to reflect the moral obligations in protecting the environment, which is something that I totally agree with and applaud him for it. This is especially since for decades, environment protection has been seen as a leftist cause championed by tree hugging hippies, vegetarians, and nature worshippers. Sure the Pope hasn’t seen any TV since the year I was born, but even so, he doesn’t really need much access to the mass media to know the effects of environmental degradation. I mean he’s spent most of his life in South America, which is no stranger to ecological damage in the least.  Nevertheless, despite how the United States tends to politicize social justice issues, Pope Francis treats environmental protection as a high moral priority it should be, which should have nothing political or leftist about it. But before he does his encyclical on the 18th, I’d like to go over a few things explaining why protecting the environment should be a moral obligation.

Saint Francis of Assisi is the Roman Catholic patron saint of environmentalism and ecology who preached that all men have a duty to protect and enjoy nature as stewards of God's creation and as creatures ourselves. There are plenty of legends and tales about him that center on his great love for animals and the environment. And prominent conservative Catholics complain that Pope Francis's eco encyclical is a break from Church tradition. Sorry, but it ain't.

Saint Francis of Assisi is the Roman Catholic patron saint of environmentalism and ecology who preached that all men have a duty to protect and enjoy nature as stewards of God’s creation and as creatures ourselves. There are plenty of legends and tales about him that center on his great love for animals and the environment. And prominent conservative Catholics complain that Pope Francis’s eco encyclical is a break from Church tradition. Sorry, guys, but it ain’t.

  1. The earth and all its creatures were created by God who entrusted us with caring for creation. – Pardon me with the religious sentiment here, but we should all recognize that we need to believe that nature is sacred. Besides, the Abrahamic tradition explains it better than almost anything else since it doesn’t involve nature spirits. Even though God certainly didn’t create the earth like in Genesis (at least in the literal sense), even that illustrates the point that humans owe their existence to a living world that we share with all other species great and small. We owe this world a living chance to perpetuate the life-creating processes of natural selection, population dynamics, and exchange cycles. While most of what the first chapters of Genesis shouldn’t be taught in a science classroom (since they were never meant to be literally true to begin with), it at least gets the moral obligation right and attributes the creation to God. God didn’t create this world so humanity can dominate it or exploit its resources for all its worth in order to satisfy one’s greed. He wanted humanity to take responsibility for caring for creation, not exploit it. And I’m sure He didn’t just create plants and animals simply for human consumption or domestication either. Rather He created the Earth to last for countless generations over billions of years as well as sustain life for every living creature. As evolution and biological diversity show us, God didn’t create us separate from nature nor did He create this world just for ourselves since all forms of life are dependent on each other’s survival. Sure it may not involve all the animals existing in harmony but each living thing on earth fulfills an essential purpose as God intended. Thus, as God created the earth so we can live on it, shouldn’t trying to protect our natural environment be our sacred duty? And shouldn’t it be our sacred duty to ensure the survival of all of God’s creatures? But if we continue exploit God’s creation that the earth is no longer fit to sustain life, we don’t just put nature in danger, but also violate our covenant with the Almighty. Seriously, if God went through all the trouble creating the earth over billions of years for everyone’s own benefit, protecting our environment is the least we can do.
This Reuters infographic illustrates the impact on air pollution and human health over the last 20 years from a report by the World Health Organization. According to WHO, air pollution caused 7 million deaths in 2012. mostly to respiratory problems and cardiovascular disease.

This Reuters infographic illustrates the impact on air pollution and human health over the last 20 years from a report by the World Health Organization. According to WHO, air pollution caused 7 million deaths in 2012. mostly to respiratory problems and cardiovascular disease.

  1. Environmental problems hurt human health. – Despite how conservatives think that protecting the environment hurts human interests, the health of the natural environment is certainly linked to humanity’s quality of life. Like with every creature on earth, clean air and water are essential for human health as well as well as farms with uncontaminated arable land. Exposure to toxic pollutants can cause serious health problems, birth defects, disease, or early death. This is especially the case with blue collar industrial workers who are most likely to develop or die from serious work-related illnesses. Land contamination can lead to dead crops as well as starvation and famine as well as make an entire area uninhabitable, resulting in mass migrations. Unsustainable agricultural practices can lead to loss of fertile land while use of agricultural chemicals can lead to loss of key pollinators such as honeybees (which is happening now as we speak). Water shortages can lead to dehydration and drought, which can also result in starvation. As theology, philosophy, and science tell us, humans weren’t created as separate from nature and are just as dependent to the same optimal conditions on earth as any living organism. The reason why the environmental movement took rise in the 1960s which led to the founding of the Environmental Protection Agency had little to do with a few nature loving hippies and more to do with the fact this nation’s environmental problems were affecting people. The same goes for whenever the EPA designates a specific area as a Superfund site. So thus, anything that could make animals sick or kill plants, could make us sick and kill us as well.
In the United States, there's a phenomenon known as

In the United States, there’s a phenomenon known as “environmental racism” that consists of polluters setting shop near neighborhoods with racial minorities and/or economically disadvantaged residents at an institutionalized and systematic scale. This results in poor and minority communities disproportionately affected by environmental hazards and least likely to benefit from environmental policy or community cleaning efforts. Of course, since US environmentalism tends to be dominated by white people, environmental racism doesn’t get the attention it should since it’s basically one of the worst examples of racial injustice and white privilege.

  1. Environmental degradation hurts the poor.-The poor will not always be the biggest offenders in environmental degradation, but they will suffer the consequences more than anyone else. Since environmental conditions determine land value, poor people tend to reside in some of the most polluted and contaminated areas, especially in industrialized cities. High poverty areas are more prone to have toxic industries successfully move in since the residents because the residents don’t have the power and influence to defend themselves, while more wealthier and influential communities would answer with mass protests and lawsuits over the mantra, “Not In My Back Yard” when it comes to high polluting industry. In the US this is why many urban landfills, toxic waste dumps, and industrial facilities tend to be placed near minority or economically disadvantaged neighborhoods. Because poor people are most likely to live in proximity to environmental wastelands, they are most likely to suffer from environmental degradation more than anyone else. Not to mention, they are most likely to work in jobs, which put them at high risk for pollutant exposure or danger. Sometimes this results in environmental blackmail in which poor people are forced to choose between their dirty and dangerous jobs and their environmental standards. Their neighborhoods are also least likely to be environmentally maintained as well. Because they lack the necessary resources, they are less likely to do anything about it either ending up trapped or displaced with nowhere else to go, especially in an event of a natural or environmental disaster. And in environmental disasters, their neck of the woods is less likely to receive an adequate response. In developing countries, they are the least likely to afford food as food prices soar. Not to mention, environmental problems also widen the gap between rich and poor. So as the rich get richer from their polluting industries, the poor get poorer as their neighborhoods are turned into toxic wastelands, local job opportunities disappear resulting in long commutes to other low wage jobs, and local crime and civil unrest ensue. And if they live in the US, they are most likely to be uninsured and least likely to be treated for environmental illnesses that could take their lives. I’m sure Pope Francis will touch on this point in his encyclical.
Family farmers especially suffer from environmental degradation since they don't have nearly as many resources as their large agribusiness counterparts. In the United States, family farmers have it especially bad with the  presence of the agricultural industrial complex as well as going broke while trying to compete with it. In the Marcellus Shale natural gas boom, these farmers were particular targets as potential lessees for the companies. The fact much of the gas is extracted from farmland puts crops and livestock at risk for chemical contamination through fracking.

Family farmers especially suffer from environmental degradation since they don’t have nearly as many resources as their large agribusiness counterparts. In the United States, family farmers have it especially bad with the presence of the agricultural industrial complex as well as going broke while trying to compete with it. In the Marcellus Shale natural gas boom, these farmers were particular targets as potential lessees for the companies. The fact much of the gas is extracted from farmland puts crops and livestock at risk for chemical contamination through fracking.

  1. Environmental degradation harms the food supply.-Living near small rural farms, I can guess that if environmental degradation can affect the quality of our health, then it can also affect the quality of our food. Rachel Carson often talked about how agricultural pesticides and other chemicals harmed wildlife and humans alike, which is endemic among the large industrial farm complexes throughout the United States and the world. And it’s unfortunate that many of them tend to set agricultural industry standards that result in a lot of environmental and financial harm among smaller farms trying to compete. California’s agricultural industry is one of the main reasons why the western United States is currently dealing with water shortages and drought. But this has more to do with the fact that Southern California’s agricultural economy has more to do with manmade improvements built during the early 20th century that created its lush artificial environment than its natural desert environment. When the Spanish landed in what is now San Francisco, they saw absolutely no trees which makes the notion of California’s agricultural industry a very stupid idea. Now I know industrial agriculture isn’t the most environmentally sustainable practice or the most profitable. However, GMOs, Monsanto, monoculture hybridized seeds, fertilizer runoff, and livestock factory farming aside, despite the ecological and social damage they do (of which there’s a long list), they aren’t the biggest problems in the agricultural world. That, my friend, is the exploitative nature of big agribusiness itself where the agricultural industrial complexes make the rules and are the biggest bullies while small farmers are the biggest victims, especially in Latin America, India, and much of the developing world. Now I’m very aware that a lot of farmers in the US tend to have trouble paying their debts that Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp, and Neil Young got together in the 1980s and organized an annual benefit concert for the farmers in danger of losing their homesteads. Nevertheless, despite contaminating the land with some of the worst chemicals known to man, most American farmers depend on optimal conditions while raising their crops and livestock that millions of people depend on to survive. But since farmers have trouble paying their bills, they’re a particular vulnerable lot. So it’s no surprise why these people would be willing to allow energy companies extract resources from their land, thinking it would help them economically as well as create jobs in the area. Most of the time these practices aren’t safe or sustainable and tend to create lasting environmental damage. It’s possible that they could contaminate water crops and livestock depend on as well as pollute the sky leading to acid rain. And then there’s climate change which not only is detrimental to agricultural production, but can also lead to natural disasters from flooding, drought, or infestation, which leads to starvation. Loss of arable land and water can create food shortages which will lead to food prices soaring. And it doesn’t help that we have a thing like bottled water either. If we want to protect our environment and combat hunger, then industrial agriculture must be more sustainable (like not farming in Southern California).
This is an infographic from Russia showing the observation and forecasts relating to global warming (or climate change). The graphs show how average global temperatures and sea levels have risen as well as how snow levels have fallen. Also, notice how global warming is likely to lead to more frequent and destructive natural disasters on the side.

This is an infographic from Russia showing the observation and forecasts relating to global warming (or climate change). The graphs show how average global temperatures and sea levels have risen as well as how snow levels have fallen. Also, notice how global warming is likely to lead to more frequent and destructive natural disasters on the side.

  1. Environmental degradation makes people more vulnerable to natural disasters.-Now despite how some of the most powerful Americans are climate change deniers with big bank accounts, it’s real, it’s manmade, it’s happening, and it’s a problem we need to be aware of. Sure it may not seem like the earth’s warming up, but even a small rise in average global temperatures can create a very significant impact on global climates. But even if climate change was just a hoax (which it’s not), we can’t ignore that humans can contribute to climate change within their surroundings. In fact, it’s already happened in history. Unsustainable agricultural practices led to catastrophic dust storms in the American heartland during the 1930s, which led to mass hunger, respiratory illness, and migration. And the only way it died down was implementing better farming methods like contour farming as well as leaving grass and foliage between the fields to prevent soil erosion. I’m sure climate change can be a factor in plenty of natural disasters in recent years. Oh, wait, it already has as Al Gore lists a variety of examples in his documentary An Inconvenient Truth. Nevertheless, while natural disasters are part of the natural order of things, climate change can make them even more catastrophic which can consist of severe heat waves, droughts, destructive hurricanes and severe storms, devastating wildfires, intense downpours and flooding, polar vortex blizzards and snowstorms, supertornadoes, and more. And these disasters tend to occur more frequently, which results in all kinds of hell breaking loose such as disease outbreaks, violence, displacement, starvation, widespread destruction, and other terrible calamities. Extreme weather conditions can make life hell for farmers who invest so much in their crops and livestock as well as depend on a stable environment to support their way of life. One major natural disaster could ruin everything, especially for subsistence farmers in Third World countries.
This is a picture of an explosion of an oil train derailment in West Virginia back in February of 2015. Now West Virginia is a prime area for environmental disasters since it's economy and government is basically owned by polluting industries as well as a large  population of poor people who can't say no regardless of political affiliation. As of 2015, the state is now a dumping ground for the American energy industry. Now for the people of this state, the debate over green energy may be a matter of life and death. And as long as polluting industry remains profitable, West Virginians are basically screwed. Seriously, it's very bad there.

This is a picture of an explosion of an oil train derailment in West Virginia back in February of 2015. Now West Virginia is a prime area for environmental disasters since it’s economy and government is basically owned by polluting industries as well as a large population of poor people who can’t say no regardless of political affiliation. As of 2015, the state is now a dumping ground for the American energy industry. Now for the people of this state, the debate over green energy may be a matter of life and death. And as long as polluting industry remains profitable, West Virginians are basically screwed. Seriously, it’s very bad there.

  1. Environmental disasters lead to more widespread and long lasting damage than natural disasters.-While more frequent and severe natural disasters can be a symptom of climate change, extreme weather doesn’t produce the worst disasters out there. This brings me to environmental disasters which are certainly manmade as well as have widespread and long-lasting ecological consequences, especially if the cause was human error. This was the case with Chernobyl, a disaster that released 400 times more radioactive material than the US bombing of Hiroshima as well as significantly contaminated 100,000 square kilometers of land with the worst hit regions among Belarus, Ukraine, and Russia. And the only reason why people outside the Soviet Union knew about it at the time was because a major release radioactive material was detected in Sweden. Now some environmental disasters can just be fallouts from any natural catastrophe such as the tsunami induced nuclear meltdown at Fukashima. But most of these are usually the result of Murphy’s Law that if anything can go wrong, it will. Not to mention, some of these can also result in the long term effects of pollution such as smog attacks. And these environmental disasters could range from invasive species, loss of biodiversity, industrial accidents, nuclear meltdowns, pollution, and what not. However the case may be, these can cause more damage than your typical natural disasters and are very difficult to clean up, if they could. Not to mention, environmentally-related illnesses are much harder to detect and treat as well as can be much more serious and fatal. Industrial accidents could make a whole town sick, poison the water supply, and then some. They’re a main reason why government needs to step in when it comes to environmental protection. Whenever a polluting industry comes into town, a whole community’s life can be held a risk and once something goes wrong, it can be a catastrophe.
Here's an infographic based from the UN Panel report on climate change illustrating how businesses impact climate and how the climate impacts business. All too often environmental health tends to be sacrificed for short term profit without any concern for the long term consequences ahead.

Here’s an infographic based from the UN Panel report on climate change illustrating how businesses impact climate and how the climate impacts business. All too often environmental health tends to be sacrificed for short term profit without any concern for the long term consequences ahead.

  1. Environmental degradation hurts the economy.-Conservatives love to discredit environmentalists by talking about how environmentalism hurts the economy and costs jobs. However, we have to understand that so many people depend on a clean environment for their livelihoods such as small businesses, farmers, service workers, fishermen, and people involved with the tourist industry. Environmental problems tend to hurt them in the process. Nevertheless, it’s very common for industries to ignore the long term consequences for short term profit with Dr. Seuss’s The Lorax being a perfect example of the harmful environmental effects of corporate greed. Sure the Once-ler got rich and created jobs, but he basically destroyed an entire ecosystem in the process by chopping down the Truffula trees for Thneeds. But the Once-ler still kept making money, right? Actually because the Once-ler didn’t practice sustainable lumber methods, he runs out of Truffula trees to cut down and sees his business empire crumble, his family headed for the hills, his company broke as well as his factory and city abandoned that he’s soon alone in a polluted wasteland regretting what he’s done. Not a happy story, but while the profits and jobs may be fleeting, the environmental damage remains and those who remain will have to put up with it in generations to come. And that’s not all. For instance, environmentally related illnesses can cause more employee absenteeism while disasters can result in property and infrastructure damage and mass migration. But both can lead to lost productivity and economic devastation. Not to mention, environmental disasters cost a fortune to clean up and it’s no surprise why companies don’t like paying for environmental damage (which is why so the cleanup bills for Exxon Valdez are paid by US taxpayers). A community does not have to sacrifice a pristine environment to benefit economically. An industry doesn’t cease to be profitable if it practices sustainable methods and observes EPA regulations.
John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath is a classic novel about a Depression-Era Oklahoma family of tenant farmers forced off their home due to adverse environmental conditions, economic hardship, and big agribusiness. They set out for California seeking a future only to find themselves doomed to a life as migrant farm workers. Sadly, this story really reflects many of the trials and tribulations many environmental refugees face all over the world. Made into a movie with Henry Fonda.

John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath is a classic novel about a Depression-Era Oklahoma family of tenant farmers forced off their home due to adverse environmental conditions, economic hardship, and big agribusiness. They set out for California seeking a future only to find themselves doomed to a life as migrant farm workers. Sadly, this story really reflects many of the trials and tribulations many environmental refugees face all over the world. Made into a movie with Henry Fonda.

  1. Environmental degradation leads to displacement and homelessness.-When a land ceases become habitable and economically viable, people will leave, sometimes in droves. However, there are times in environmental devastation when evacuation wasn’t an option like in the event of a nuclear meltdown, industrial accident, land and water contamination, and other disasters. For instance, irresponsible waste disposal practices caused widespread contamination at Love Canal, New York that everyone had to leave the town over 800 families in all. And it was one of hundreds of such incidences, some of which will never be known. The nuclear disaster at Chernobyl also resulted in mass evacuation that consisted of over 53,000 people, many of who were probably exposed to radiation and probably died of the effects. But when environmental problems cause displacement, there will always be those who have nowhere else to go possibly due to lack of relatives or wealth. And as a result, these displaced will either stay where they are regardless of what happens (which will make them poorer and sicker) or become homeless nomads wondering from place to place. Some might find a place to settle down but many will not which will result in many being either homeless or migrant workers. This is what happened to the Joads in John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath who didn’t have the EPA to reimburse them for the Dust Bowl. And many people who suffer from environmental displacement around the world won’t have that kind of reimbursement either and will have very difficult time starting a new life.
Environmental problems and natural resource depletion is a growing concern in the developing world with the unstable political systems they have as well as reside in places with a lot of endangered ecosystems and species. Environmental degradation may not be a sole source of conflict, but it can exacerbate it as well as make struggling for a lasting peace very difficult. And it doesn't help that these countries have a high poverty rate and very few opportunities available.

Environmental problems and natural resource depletion is a growing concern in the developing world with the unstable political systems they have as well as reside in places with a lot of endangered ecosystems and species. Environmental degradation may not be a sole source of conflict, but it can exacerbate it as well as make struggling for a lasting peace very difficult. And it doesn’t help that these countries have a high poverty rate and very few opportunities available.

  1. Environmental degradation can lead to war, civil unrest, and societal breakdown.-Social relations are a complex subject but there’s a reason why Al Gore was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize along with a UN panel on climate change. But the notion of climate change and the potential for conflict is a key concern in the developing world of political instability and the works. Environmental problems by themselves may rarely, if ever be the sole cause of violence. But natural resources and environmental factors are linked to violent conflicts and in a lot of ways obscured by more visible issues like ethnic tension and power politics. And this link doubles the risk of a conflict relapse in the first 5 years. Persistent poverty and weak resource management can also exacerbate security threats, especially in regions of political instability. Many of the conflicts in the Middle East are perfect examples of this since much of the areas are desert which make perfect areas for people scrambling over the few resources they have. Since 1990, exploitation of natural resources is said to fuel at least 18 conflicts. There are even theories that environmental factors like deforestation and unsustainable farming practices brought down great civilizations and empires. Environmental migrants and refugees may not always be welcome by their new neighbors either and are more susceptible for being victims of crime, especially if they don’t abide by any of the local customs.
God may have created the Earth for our benefit as well as other worlds with intelligent life. But even though it's very possible intelligent life may exist on other planets, they'd still be many lightyears away. So instead of hoping for an planetary savior we can live on, we should focus on caring for the planet we have.

God may have created the Earth for our benefit as well as other worlds with intelligent life. But even though it’s very possible intelligent life may exist on other planets, they’d still be many lightyears away. So instead of hoping for an planetary savior we can live on, we should focus on caring for the planet we have.

  1. The Earth is our only home.-Sure there may be intelligent life on other planets, but we haven’t contacted them yet. As far as we know, the nearest sight of intelligent life could be light years away. And I don’t think NASA necessarily has the funds to develop that technology but I don’t think it will be accessible for everyone. Of course, we could try terraforming Mars but I’m not sure how that will go. So let’s just say we need to protect the environment because earth is the only home we got and if it becomes uninhabitable, then we’re all doomed.
While conservatives and libertarians think it's perfectly all right to cut down a forest to make room for a chemical plant, they don't seem to get how future generations will have to deal with the ecological consequences even when the industry goes bust. There are much more important things than economic prosperity and jobs. And if I had a choice between the economy and the environment, I'd pick the environment every time. You don't need to pollute to make a buck. So why risk it?

While conservatives and libertarians think it’s perfectly all right to cut down a forest to make room for a chemical plant, they don’t seem to get how future generations will have to deal with the ecological consequences even when the industry goes bust. There are much more important things than economic prosperity and jobs. And if I had a choice between the economy and the environment, I’d pick the environment every time. You don’t need to pollute to make a buck. So why risk it?

  1. Environmental degradation does no favors for future generations.-Since earth is our only home, we have an obligation to protect the environment so that future generations may continue to live. Sure preserving the environment will not make you as rich as a big oil executive and may not create a lot of jobs. But, a lot of environmental degradation creates long term consequences which future generations have to live with whether it be a polluted river, a sky filled with smog, or contaminated land. It’s not right for one generation to leave their children a barren wasteland after they milked the land for all its worth especially if the area is uninhabitable or prone to harm them. Unsustainable extraction and use of our natural resources can set up future generations for ruin or a possible post apocalyptic future. Besides, if we’re willing to squander our children’s future for some short term profit, what does it say about us? Besides, think of the example we’re setting such as pursuing short term economic gains without any care for the long term environmental consequences. If we have to explain why letting polluting industry in our neighborhoods would help the economy despite what it did, I don’t think future generations would understand. Because if you can’t farm the land, drink the water, or breathe air, will economic benefit matter? Of course not for they’ll have bigger things to worry about. As US President Theodore Roosevelt said, “I recognize the right and duty of this generation to develop and use our natural resources, but I do not recognize the right to waste them, or rob by wasteful use, the generations that come after us.”
While West Virginia's people aren't being subject to the notable environmental disaster, their state is losing its natural Appalachian Mountain heritage due to the coal companies' practice of mountaintop removal.  These lofty mountains inspired the John Denver hit,

While West Virginia’s people aren’t being subject to the notable environmental disaster, their state is losing its natural Appalachian Mountain heritage due to the coal companies’ practice of mountaintop removal. These lofty mountains inspired the John Denver hit, “Take Me Home, Country Roads,” which has been recently made West Virginia’s state song last year. It’s very sad that these iconic majesties have to be reduced in the name of short term profit for energy industries.

  1. Environmental degradation ruins creation’s natural beauty.-While nature is supposed to support life and provide resources for all the earth’s creatures, countless generations have enjoyed the natural beauty that wilderness had to offer. And there are many sacred traditions who view their lands as sacred to their culture such as the Native Americans. So much so in America that the National Park Service was set up to preserve natural areas that would’ve otherwise been lost to industrial development. The loss of Hetch Hetchy to a dam development was a result of this, to John Muir’s dismay as he called it “God’s Golden Temple.” And recently, an Apache holy site in the American Southwest was sold to a British Australian mining company. Not to mention, a lot of the Appalachian Mountains in West Virginia are being destroyed by the coal mining companies’ use of mountaintop removal, which pisses off many people in that state with more than its fair share of environmental problems. Sometime they could also lose their beauty as people use the site for tourist traps. As protected wilderness areas, these national parks can be enjoyed by everyone. However, this doesn’t save them from possible environmental threats such as climate change, loss of biodiversity, and other problems. Nevertheless, many of these areas are still seen as part of the American heritage and most believe they should have government protection so future generations can enjoy them as their parents have admired for their beauty and magnificence. If they are lost, then they’re lost forever. You can restoring a forest but it will never be the same, especially if some of the original species become extinct. Sure economic libertarians tend think that whatever’s useful and profitable is beneficial to society, but that mindset tends to lead to a lot of destruction of so many natural wonders as well as places of cultural and historic significance.
This is an infographic on greenhouse gas emissions that cause climate change, derived from the International Panel on Climate Change's assessment report of 2010. Seems the highest carbon offenders tend to be from energy, industry, and transportation. It's no surprise that executives of American and multinational energy and industry companies tend to be the most vocal deniers of climate change as well as most environmental problems in general.

This is an infographic on greenhouse gas emissions that cause climate change, derived from the International Panel on Climate Change’s assessment report of 2010. Seems the highest carbon offenders tend to be from energy, industry, and transportation. It’s no surprise that executives of American and multinational energy and industry companies tend to be the most vocal deniers of climate change as well as most environmental problems in general.

  1. Those who deny the significance of environmental issues usually do so out of political or financial self-interest.– Let’s face it, most people who don’t see environmental issues as a major problem has more to do with political or financial self-interest. And when it comes to the companies of these free market worshiping libertarian conservatives, they’re more likely to be responsible for environmental disasters as well as not take any responsibility for them. Now the Koch brothers are a perfect example of these climate denying Rich Uncle Pennybags types because they own large multinational corporations that contribute a lot of pollution. And these selfish bastards will call their army of lawyers so they won’t pay for the damages. They also are lobbying for governments to loosen their environmental regulations so they can get away with polluting more as well as go to great lengths to justify their actions. It also doesn’t help that many of them have operations in foreign and poorer countries, which cause even more devastation on communities. Take Shell’s business in Nigeria for instance. In the US, these rich guys’ influence is so powerful that so many Americans deny climate change, especially on the American Right and on the extremist Fox News Channel, a news network that makes pay per view porn look like something off of PBS. And it’s because Congress is so jammed packed with Republican climate change denying nuts that any meaningful environmental protection can’t be passed at the federal level. Denial and refusing to take responsibility on environmental problems is a problem that needs to be eliminated by any means necessary. Sure we should leave the science to the scientists, but whenever there’s a consensus of scientists who state that there’s an environmental crisis, we should take it very seriously. Unfortunately, scientists don’t run governments nor do they have loads of cash to contribute, which explains a lot about American politics on the matter. This isn’t just a liberal issue or even a political issue. It’s a moral issue and one that affects people’s lives in very big ways. The fact environmental issues have been politicized and seen controversial over the years has to end. Because if both political factions can’t come to a consensus that environmental problems matter and need action, nothing will ever be solved. I know ratting on the rich may not be a cool thing to do in the United States but we need to understand that the heads of polluting industries like the Koch brothers are part of the problem, especially since the Citizens United ruling in 2009.
This is from an infographic from 2013 that shows the kinds of species that are threatened with extinction as well as the loss of genetic diversity in our fisheries and farms. Let's just say this is pretty disheartening when it comes to the world's turtles and other creatures. Loss of species and biodiversity is one environmental problem that can't be remedied. And sometimes the loss of one species can doom a whole ecosystem.

This is from an infographic from 2013 that shows the kinds of species that are threatened with extinction as well as the loss of genetic diversity in our fisheries and farms. Let’s just say this is pretty disheartening when it comes to the world’s turtles and other creatures. Loss of species and biodiversity is one environmental problem that can’t be remedied. And sometimes the loss of one species can doom a whole ecosystem.

  1. We have no concept of the strength of Mother Nature.-Sure nature can be quite resilient if need be but ecosystems can be fragile things at the same time. Sometimes when you remove or introduce one species, you can basically wreck the whole system and possibly change the landscape. Take the wolves out of Yellowstone National Park and the elk population will be sick and all the flora will be consumed. Bring the wolves back and the park will be restored again to its former beauty since wolves tend to prey the sick, weak, very young, or very old. Sure predators may eat other animals, but they’re essential to ecosystems as well as benefit people in some cases. Playing with nature has unintended consequences, many of which aren’t beneficial either to humans or other living things. For instance, all those dam projects during the 1930s might’ve brought a lot of electricity, water, and prosperity to millions. But it also hurt entire ecosystems, dried up rivers, and created water shortages. Now combined with climate change, these projects are now coming to bite the American West in the ass.

This Old Birdhouse

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Seeing birds in one’s back yard can be seen as a pleasant sight for many during the spring and summer when all the birds seem to be fluttering around after spending the winter down south (though maybe the South likes the winter birds as well). Of course, there are plenty of ways to draw their attention such as bird baths as well as bird feeders. One particular feeder I have in mind is a bird house, which not only feeds them but also can house a nest now and then in some cases (for instance, they have bluebird houses). But bird houses are mostly bird feeders. Still, when it comes to feeding birds, people have been making birdhouses for a very long time, perhaps centuries. Now there are plenty of bird houses out there since many people tend to uses them as a craft project as well since it tends to involve some easy DIY know-how. I mean most of the time it involves putting a hole in a piece of wood, as well as nailing a bunch of wood pieces into a small house. And it’s inevitable that many tend to have certain finishing touches on them. So without further adieu, I welcome you to enjoy the wonders in the world of bird houses.

1. We begin with a look at the historical Franciscan bird missions of the American Southwest.

Though the Franciscan birds tend to be seen as benevolent to the indigenous birds at times, it's said that many of these bird missionaries tended to destroy a lot of indigenous cultures in the process. Then again, I heard that bird small pox tend to kill more indigenous birds than anything else.

Though the Franciscan birds tend to be seen as benevolent to the indigenous birds at times, it’s said that many of these bird missionaries tended to destroy a lot of indigenous cultures in the process. Then again, I heard that bird small pox tend to kill more indigenous birds than anything else.

2. In the winter, instead of flying south for warmer climates, your local birds could spend the winter in this swanky ski lodge built just for them.

Nevertheless, I hear they charge their avian lodgers fortune in birdseed. Maybe flying south for a winter in Boca Raton is a cheaper bet, but I'm sure the rates aren't much better there either.

Nevertheless, I hear they charge their avian lodgers fortune in birdseed. Maybe flying south for a winter in Boca Raton is a cheaper bet, but I’m sure the rates aren’t much better there either.

3. If your local birds want a more rustic look, this house is for them.

Now I think this might be a bird farmhouse made from scrap wood. But I'm sure it'll have plenty of room with stores of birdseed in the pantry.

Now I think this might be a bird farmhouse made from scrap wood. But I’m sure it’ll have plenty of room with stores of birdseed in the pantry. Not sure if any hill billy birds live there though.

4. For their birdseeding needs, your fine feathered friends can just stop at this avian general store.

I'm sure this place has everything your birds need for the winter whether it's seed, bugs, potential prey, hardware, clothes, and what not. They'll find it all here.

I’m sure this place has everything your birds need for the winter whether it’s seed, bugs, potential prey, hardware, clothes, and what not. They’ll find it all here.

5. When it comes to avian accommodations, nothing makes birds feel more at home than having a little log cabin in the woods.

Now for the bird wishing to get out from the cold and start a homestead, this little log cabin is the perfect fit, when there are trees around. Still, has a rustic feel to it.

Now for the bird wishing to get out from the cold and start a homestead, this little log cabin is the perfect fit, when there are trees around. Still, has a rustic feel to it like you’d see in a fancy set of Lincoln logs. It’s popularly noted that Aviraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin.

6. While putting real flowers on a birdhouse might be impractical, they’d certainly appreciate the floral artwork.

Now this is a lovely little birdhouse I wouldn't mind having in my yard. It seems so picturesque, especially the floral wreath around the hole.

Now this is a lovely little birdhouse I wouldn’t mind having in my yard. It seems so picturesque, especially the floral wreath around the hole.

7. If you’re living in the world of Dr. Seuss, these birdhouses are just the ticket.

And Lord knows how many birds you get to see coming to these houses in Dr. Seuss stories. However, it's kind of disappointing that these houses won't get the kind of birds you'd see in Horton Hears a Who.

And Lord knows how many birds you get to see coming to these houses in Dr. Seuss stories. However, it’s kind of disappointing that these houses won’t get the kind of birds you’d see in Horton Hears a Who.

8. Do any migrating birds need a place to eat during their journey south, then I’m sure they’ll enjoy this avian diner.

Of course, while they specialize in hamburgers and hotdogs, I'm sure they have plenty of other entrees migrating birds would love.  Not sure if they have any bird waitresses on roller skates or avian juteboxes though.

Of course, while they specialize in hamburgers and hotdogs, I’m sure they have plenty of other entrees migrating birds would love. Not sure if they have any bird waitresses on roller skates or avian juteboxes though.

9. Of course, there are quite a few birds who belong to some kind of fraternal lodge order.

This one seems to belong to the Moose Lodge but I'm not sure whether the bears are a lodge order or not. Then again, they could be talking about actual bears.

This one seems to belong to the Moose Lodge but I’m not sure whether the bears are a lodge order or not. Then again, they could be talking about actual bears.

10. If you have any fishing birds in your area, this bait shop would be of service to their needs.

Of course, most fishing birds don't need a bait and tackle shop to catch fish. They just catch them with their beaks as God intended. Still, it's pretty clever.

Of course, most fishing birds don’t need a bait and tackle shop to catch fish. They just catch them with their beaks as God intended. Still, it’s pretty clever.

11. For the birds who think the ski lodge is cramped, say hello to this wooden bird castle complex.

Now this seems like a castle because it just appears so big from other birdhouses. But if it was in better proportion it would resemble something like a Victorian house. Still, it was either sitting in the garage for long periods or someone just had too much time on their hands.

Now this seems like a castle because it just appears so big from other birdhouses. But if it was in better proportion it would resemble something like a Victorian house. Still, it was either sitting in the garage for long periods or someone just had too much time on their hands.

12. Every bird should enjoy the comforts of home now and then.

Now this birdhouse has a  nice stairwell as well as some of the latest styles of avian furniture, blinds, and a a swimming pool. Yes, this is the best birdhouse life has to offer.

Now this birdhouse has a nice stairwell as well as some of the latest styles of avian furniture, blinds, and a a swimming pool. Yes, this is the best birdhouse life has to offer.

13. If the mission style doesn’t suit your local Christian birds, you can always go with an avian meeting house.

Yes, I'm sure there will be some avian gospel choir in their singing hymns to Cheepsus. Okay, maybe not that, but it has a ringing bell for avian services.

Yes, I’m sure there will be some avian gospel choir in their singing hymns to Cheepsus. Okay, maybe not that, but it has a ringing bell for avian nondenominational services.

14. May I present to you, the Grand Birdepest Hotel.

Sorry, but I couldn't resist that pun. But still, I hope it has those interwar luxury interior accommodations and nothing resembling anything from the post WWII era. Still, I'm sure it houses a lot of birds during the seasonal migration periods, particularly rich ones.

Sorry, but I couldn’t resist that pun. But still, I hope it has those interwar luxury interior accommodations and nothing resembling anything from the post WWII era. Still, I’m sure it houses a lot of birds during the seasonal migration periods, particularly rich ones with greedy backstabbing sons, no doubt.

15. For those who prefer a more urbane avian accommodations, perhaps your birds might like this avian hotel.

Now this resembles something that you might see in almost any town or city. Still, I'm sure it would remind many city pigeons of home if they ever see something like this.

Now this resembles something that you might see in almost any town or city. Still, I’m sure it would remind many city pigeons of home if they ever see something like this.

16. Like birds but don’t like birdhouses? Then feed your birds with this bird gazebo.

Now this provides a nice resting place for local birds where they can relax and enjoy nature. Can also be used for weddings. Let's just hope that they don't smoke cigarettes under them.

Now this provides a nice resting place for local birds where they can relax and enjoy nature. Can also be used for weddings. Let’s just hope that they don’t smoke cigarettes under them.

17. For migrating barn swallows, nothing makes it seem right at home for them than an actual barn.

Now this one has a little farmer and tractor. But I have to love the rustic woodwork in this as well as the fine craftsmanship. But I'm sure this is way too small for any actual farm animals.

Now this one has a little farmer and tractor. But I have to love the rustic woodwork in this as well as the fine craftsmanship. But I’m sure this is way too small for any actual farm animals.

18. There are some birds who have a taste in the more modern architectural house styles.

Sometimes what might cool in one way, might not in another. For instance, as a birdhouse this structure looks cool. But as an actual house, it would look ugly.

Sometimes what might cool in one way, might not in another. For instance, as a birdhouse this structure looks cool. But as an actual house, it would look ugly.

19. Of course, even birds must have their own McDonald’s for a quick bite to eat.

Nevertheless, as a fast food restaurant, McDonald's is known to be a big contributor in avian cardiovascular disease, Type II diabetes, and obesity. Also, I hear their bird employees are only paid minimum wage, too.

Nevertheless, as a fast food restaurant, McDonald’s is known to be a big contributor in avian cardiovascular disease, Type II diabetes, and obesity. Also, I hear their bird employees are only paid minimum wage, too.

20. For the birds still missing being near the beach, this tiki beach tavern is for them.

I do like how this one is built like a tiki bar with all the little bird stools. Still, keep away from avian alcoholics. Of course, some of these birds are there for the worms, not the tequila.

I do like how this one is built like a tiki bar with all the little bird stools. Still, keep away from avian alcoholics. Of course, some of these birds are there for the worms, not the tequila.

21. There are birdhouses and then there are bird mansions.

Now this is supposed to be a replica of a house in Maryland created by a guy who specializes in these kinds of birdhouses. Still, whether bird or human, I'm sure one like this won't be very cheap in any case.

Now this is supposed to be a replica of a house in Maryland created by a guy who specializes in these kinds of birdhouses. Still, whether bird or human, I’m sure one like this won’t be very cheap in any case.

22. At times, you can build your very own bird log cabin from a bunch of twigs.

Now this one was built from willow twigs. Not sure what this person used to keep the pieces together. Still, it's quite a marveling effort in many respects.

Now this one was built from willow twigs. Not sure what this person used to keep the pieces together. Still, it’s quite a marveling effort in many respects.

23. A birdhouse like this will certainly make any homesick bird feel at home for the holidays.

I'm not sure of what to make with Christmas themed birdhouses. I mean these birdhouses are only appropriate for a certain time of the year. And birdhouses need to look appropriate all year round. Then again, maybe this is just built for decoration.

I’m not sure of what to make with Christmas themed birdhouses. I mean these birdhouses are only appropriate for a certain time of the year. And birdhouses need to look appropriate all year round. Then again, maybe this is just built for decoration.

24. As migratory birds always need rest now and then, a bird town offers a perfect rest stop.

Now there are a bunch of birdhouses like these. These 3 shown are Jail Birds Bail Bonds, Night Owls  Bar, and Seedy's Liquors. Seems kind of like a seedy place to me. But I'm sure some birds must enjoy the place.

Now there are a bunch of birdhouses like these. These 3 shown are Jail Birds Bail Bonds, Night Owls Bar, and Seedy’s Liquors. Seems kind of like a seedy place to me. But I’m sure some birds must enjoy the place.

25. Of course, birds always need a place to go where nature calls.

I'm sure these outhouses aren't used for certain bodily functions. Because birds don't really care where or how they crap. I mean they'd crap when they fly if they want to.

I’m sure these outhouses aren’t used for certain bodily functions. Because birds don’t really care where or how they crap. I mean they’d crap when they fly if they want to.

26. Now this birdhouse not only gives the birds a place to eat, but also makes your neighbors think twice about possibly stealing any belongings from you.

Now this is actually pretty clever if you think about it. I mean it's a birdhouse but looks like a surveillance camera. It's also made from metal.

Now this is actually pretty clever if you think about it. I mean it’s a birdhouse but looks like a surveillance camera. It’s also made from metal in some parts.

27. This birdhouse has a built in birdbath where the local birds could feed and clean in the same spot.

I'm sure if this was put to use it would be covered in bird shit like most bird baths would. Seriously, birdbaths are disgusting. I'm not sure how some of them expect to get clean while bathing in their own shit.

I’m sure if this was put to use it would be covered in bird shit like most bird baths would. Seriously, birdbaths are disgusting. I’m not sure how some of them expect to get clean while bathing in their own shit most of the time.

28. Any lovebirds wanting to get hitched might want to check out this wedding chapel while they’re at it.

I wonder if any lovebirds are married there by an Elvis impersonator, if it's in Las Vegas. Still, I'm sure birds have been mating millions of years without one.

I wonder if any lovebirds are married there by an Elvis impersonator, if it’s in Las Vegas. Still, I’m sure birds have been mating millions of years without one. Just see some of the birds on my back porch.

29. For the birds wanting the punk rocker look, check out the Painted Bird Tattoo Parlor. They even do beak piercings.

Of course, this place doesn't take warblers. Sorry guys. Still, a lot of young birds' mothers won't be happy about this place.

Of course, this place doesn’t take warblers. Sorry guys. Still, I’m sure certain birds don’t understand how their avian employers tend to look down on those with tattoos and piercings.

30. A lot of times, birdhouses can range from the modern to rustic as well as from traditional to whimsical.

I don't know about you, but this one reminds me of the Burrow from the Harry Potter series for some reason. You know the Weasley family's house. I swear it looked just like that in the movies.

I don’t know about you, but this one reminds me of the Burrow from the Harry Potter series for some reason. You know the Weasley family’s house. I swear it looked just like that in the movies.

31. Every bird kingdom always needs its own bird castle fortress if you think about it.

Now this one certainly looks like a castle as I can see. Yet, I'm not sure if it will protect the finches from the possible eagle invasion.

Now this one certainly looks like a castle as I can see. Yet, I’m not sure if it will protect the finches from the possible eagle invasion.

32. While most birdhouses are made of wood, this one is fashioned from metal and blue tile or glass as it looks like.

Not sure whether the birds like it or not. But I like the blue finish to it. Looks like the ocean waves for some reason.

Not sure whether the birds like it or not. But I like the blue finish to it. Looks like the ocean waves for some reason. Yeah, it’s cool.

33. Of course, every bird should always know to knock first before entering.

Yes, this is another birdhouse outhouse. And it seems that a little man has been occupying it for quite some time. Still, I think it's quite funny.

Yes, this is another birdhouse outhouse. And it seems that a little man has been occupying it for quite some time. Still, I think it’s quite funny.

34. When it comes to birdhouses, some may opt for a sleek modern design.

Now this looks as if it can be an actual house, though perhaps I wouldn't be as in awe of it. Still, I like the flowers on it though.

Now this looks as if it can be an actual house, though perhaps I wouldn’t be as in awe of it. Still, I like the flowers on it though.

35. Nevertheless, it can be said that birdhouses can come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, and colors.

Now these birdhouses seem to almost blend in with the flowers. But funky colors will certainly draw a bird's attention, if anything. But I do think they're all lovely in their own way.

Now these birdhouses seem to almost blend in with the flowers. But funky colors will certainly draw a bird’s attention, if anything. But I do think they’re all lovely in their own way.

36. I daresay, I was going to put my mail in until I realized that it was not a letterbox.

Now this is a birdhouse from Britain as you can see by how it's painted red and has the initials ER on it. Still, seems like Britain seems to have a problem with birds living in their mailboxes as it looks like.

Now this is a birdhouse from Britain as you can see by how it’s painted red and has the initials ER on it. Still, seems like Britain seems to have a problem with birds living in their mailboxes as it looks like.

37. Have some local birds spend the holidays in this Christmas cabin.

Guess building Christmas themed birdhouses is a thing in the South, when many of the migrating birds make do for the winter. Still, it's quite ornate and cozy looking. Just needs some snow.

Guess building Christmas themed birdhouses is a thing in the South, when many of the migrating birds make do for the winter. Still, it’s quite ornate and cozy looking. Just needs some snow.

38. Hope the birds could make themselves at home in this cozy cottage.

Now this almost resembles a doll's house at first glance. That is, until you see it mounted on a tree. Still, love the small chairs.

Now this almost resembles a doll’s house at first glance. That is, until you see it mounted on a tree. Still, love the small chairs.

39. With birdhouses like these, you can start an avian neighborhood.

I like how these have a sleek design as well as come in a variety of colors. I'm sure any bird is going to recognize a birdhouse like that, that's for sure.

I like how these have a sleek design as well as come in a variety of colors. I’m sure any bird is going to recognize a birdhouse like that, that’s for sure.

40. For the coastal birds, perhaps they can enjoy the view of the ocean with this lovely beach house.

Of course, this might look a little small but at least it's in bright colors and has a nice inner tube. But you can't really take that off if a bird is drowning since it's only used for decoration.

Of course, this might look a little small but at least it’s in bright colors and has a nice inner tube. But you can’t really take that off if a bird is drowning since it’s only used for decoration.

41. When you can’t get a rustic wooden barn birdhouse, an aluminum one will do nicely.

Now this seems almost like a model toy barn you'd see next to some antique doll's house. Still, I think I like the wooden rustic barn better. Aluminum makes it seem more industrial looking.

Now this seems almost like a model toy barn you’d see next to some antique doll’s house. Still, I think I like the wooden rustic barn better. Aluminum makes it seem more industrial looking.

42. For the hippie birds in your area, you can’t do better than a hippie van.

Of course, they'd be certainly tripping balls if you put some bird seed laced with marijuana and brown acid. But they'd probably love it anyway. Man, I'd love to see a stoned bird fly.

Of course, they’d be certainly tripping balls if you put some bird seed laced with marijuana and brown acid. But they’d probably love it anyway. Man, I’d love to see a stoned bird fly high.

43. For the country brid’s needs, here’s an old country store to their liking.

Love the little merchandise pieces on here. Really go wit the set up. But do the birds really need crap like that? Probably not, besides birdseed and possibly bugs.

Love the little merchandise pieces on here. Really go wit the set up. But do the birds really need crap like that? Probably not, besides birdseed and possibly bugs.

44. For the Canadian birds out there, there’s nothing like staying in a large Canadian bird lodge.

I'm sure room and board at this Canadian bird lodge isn't cheap. But I do like the red roof on this thing. Wonder how many of the birds who stay there are professional hockey players.

I’m sure room and board at this Canadian bird lodge isn’t cheap. But I do like the red roof on this thing. Wonder how many of the birds who stay there are professional hockey players.

45. Don’t like birdhouses? Then how about a bird swing?

Sure it might have a couple of bird towers for birdseed. But I think any bird would find a swing like this quite fun. Only wish they'd make stuff like this for humans.

Sure it might have a couple of bird towers for birdseed. But I think any bird would find a swing like this quite fun. Only wish they’d make stuff like this for humans.

46. Introducing the Burger King Fly Through.

Hey, when it comes to avian fast food restaurants, McDonald's isn't the only one out there. But it's apparent this one definitely serves burgers to the birds. Of course, its staff are paid low and their food will lead to all kinds of health problems. Also known as

Hey, when it comes to avian fast food restaurants, McDonald’s isn’t the only one out there. But it’s apparent this one definitely serves burgers to the birds. Of course, its staff are paid low and their food will lead to all kinds of health problems. Also known as “Burger Barf.”

47. Yes it has a faucet, but does it have running water?

I know this is supposed to be a garden birdhouse. But I'm not sure what any bird would want to do with fake pansies and artificial turf.  Also, I'm sure the faucet is for decoration.

I know this is supposed to be a garden birdhouse. But I’m not sure what any bird would want to do with fake pansies and artificial turf. Also, I’m sure the faucet is for decoration.

48. A welcoming sight for birds is a brown house with some bright pink columns as well as pink and baby blue trim.

Now I wonder if I ever saw an actual house like this. Still, love the pink and baby blue on this house. They really stand out.

Now I wonder if I ever saw an actual house like this. Still, love the pink and baby blue on this house. They really stand out. I also like the flowers in the planter and pots.

49. When it comes to birdhouses, some just prefer a cottage in pink.

Now this is basically an avian equivalent to a Barbie dream house. Well, maybe not. But I think it's pretty nonetheless even in pink.

Now this is basically an avian equivalent to a Barbie dream house. Well, maybe not. But I think it’s pretty nonetheless even in pink.

50. When it comes to decorating birdhouses, you can use just about anything.

Now this one is decked with corks, stones, and other things. Looks like it was assembled from stuff found from a dumpster dive. But I kind of like it. Go figure.

Now this one is decked with corks, stones, and other things. Looks like it was assembled from stuff found from a dumpster dive. But I kind of like it. Go figure.

51. Remember birdhouses could always be made from anything around the house.

Seems like this is a combination of an old timey coffee pot now used on camping trips and some sort of large barrel. Now what once served a cup of joe, now serves birdseed.

Seems like this is a combination of an old timey coffee pot now used on camping trips and some sort of large barrel. Now what once served a cup of joe, now serves birdseed.

52. When it comes to birdhouses, you can’t always have a garden. But you can always paint one on there.

Now I really like the little birdhouse and the cute little milk bottles. Really seems to create an idyllic feel to this birdhouse, does it?

Now I really like the little birdhouse and the cute little milk bottles. Really seems to create an idyllic feel to this birdhouse, does it?

53. Seems like this log cabin has gone to the birds.

Yep, it says on the sign. Still, almost likens you to a Lincoln log cabin made from Lincoln logs. Love the rocking chair, by the way.

Yep, it says on the sign. Still, almost likens you to a Lincoln log cabin made from Lincoln logs. Love the rocking chair, by the way.

54. For the more mobile bird, you can’t do worse than a camper.

I'm sure this will probably be either pulled by a toy truck of some type. Still, I'm sure if it would be big enough.

I’m sure this will probably be either pulled by a toy truck of some type. Still, I’m sure if it would be big enough.

55. For a more retro camper, go with this shiny one here. Sure the birds will love it.

Now this is more for the bird yearning for 1950s nostalgia. Can't really see why because it looks like something straight out of the space age.

Now this is more for the bird yearning for 1950s nostalgia. Can’t really see why because it looks like something straight out of the space age.

56. Of course, you can always have a birdhouse of an unusual shape like a cyclone.

Now I'm not sure a cyclone is a good shape for a birdhouse. Then again, it probably holds plenty of birdseed to last the winter.

Now I’m not sure a cyclone is a good shape for a birdhouse. Then again, it probably holds plenty of birdseed to last the winter.

57. In this case, this birdhouse was built along the tree.

Now I'm sure this is the architectural brainchild of a Mr. Frank Lloyd Wren, no doubt. Still, I'm sure snotty rich birds will love it anyway.

Now I’m sure this is the architectural brainchild of a Mr. Frank Lloyd Wren, no doubt. Still, I’m sure snotty rich birds will love it anyway.

58. Yes, even birds feel like they have to confide to a psychic once in awhile.

I think this is Madame Cuckoo's Psychic place. Of course, her slogan is,

I think this is Madame Cuckoo’s Psychic place. Of course, her slogan is, “Count your chickens before they hatch.” Still, you can’t put all your eggs in one basket.

59. This birdhouse comes with express free delivery. But don’t put your mail in it.

Yes, this birdhouse looks like a mailbox. And it seems to be made from wood and plastic. Still, I'm sure it's more of a place for birdseed than bills.

Yes, this birdhouse looks like a mailbox. And it seems to be made from wood and plastic. Still, I’m sure it’s more of a place for birdseed than bills.

60. Now I do declare this is a mighty fine avian plantation mansion there.

Now this seems like a kind of birdhouse you'd see in the antebellum South. Of course, you know what the rich planter birds used to harvest the birdseedl

Now this seems like a kind of birdhouse you’d see in the antebellum South. Of course, you know what the rich planter birds used to harvest the birdseed.

61. Now there’s a birdhouse you can use to feed the birds and grow your plants at the same time.

Yes, I know it's kind of crazy, but I'm sure it must work somewhat. Then again, the plant might be in a smaller pot.

Yes, I know it’s kind of crazy, but I’m sure it must work somewhat. Then again, the plant might be in a smaller pot.

62. For you Bible believing folks out there, perhaps this Noah’s Ark birdhouse would look great in your backyard.

Of course, this one comes with its own animals such as giraffes, elephants, zebras, and a dove on top. Still, quite amazing though.

Of course, this one comes with its own animals such as giraffes, elephants, zebras, and a dove on top. Still, quite amazing though.

63. For Halloween, the local birds would find these bridhouses quite spooktacular if you get my drift.

Once again, I'm not sure about holiday themed birdhouses. This is especially the case on Halloween in the fall, when most of the birds would be flying south for the winter. Then again, maybe not so much in the South.

Once again, I’m not sure about holiday themed birdhouses. This is especially the case on Halloween in the fall, when most of the birds would be flying south for the winter. Then again, maybe not so much in the South.

64. The coastal birds would really find themselves at home with this lighthouse birdhouse.

This one is called, "The Nautical Nest." I'm sure the light in this doesn't actually light up at night in search of stranded sea birds though.

This one is called, “The Nautical Nest.” I’m sure the light in this doesn’t actually light up at night in search of stranded sea birds though.

65. This avian restaurant has everything to the birds’ content as a rest stop.

Let's hope the Live Entertainment doesn't include titmice actually showing their tits (which they actually don't have because they're birds for God's sake). Still, it's called "Wagon Wheel Restaurant."

Let’s hope the Live Entertainment doesn’t include titmice actually showing their tits (which they actually don’t have because they’re birds for God’s sake). Still, it’s called “Wagon Wheel Restaurant.”

66. While you’ve heard of gingerbread houses, I’m sure birds will take to this gingerbread birdhouse during the winter holidays.

I'm sure this isn't intended for actual use because a gingerbread birdhouse wouldn't be a long lived one. Seriously, I'm sure birds and other woodland creatures will surely devour it at some point.

I’m sure this isn’t intended for actual use because a gingerbread birdhouse wouldn’t be a long lived one. Seriously, I’m sure birds and other woodland creatures will surely devour it at some point.

67. Hmmm….didn’t know the birds have their own yacht club. Hell, didn’t even know birds had yachts.

I'm sure this place is filled with the spoiled rich birds from Ivy League schools you hear about .  Bunch of 1% avian snobs.

I’m sure this place is filled with the spoiled rich birds from Ivy League schools you hear about . Bunch of 1% avian snobs.

68. For the birds traveling the Oregon Trail, this covered wagon would be a great place for their food and belongings.

Of course, any bird that decides to go on the Oregon Trail will sometimes have to deal with a chance of catching dysentery. Of course, that would mean a lot of birds shitting on cars.

Of course, any bird that decides to go on the Oregon Trail will sometimes have to deal with a chance of catching dysentery. Of course, that would mean a lot of birds shitting on cars.

69. Of course, while some have birdhouses, others have bird palaces.

This is an ornate bird house in the Maharajah Jungle Trek aviary in Disney's Animal Kingdom. Of course, it's certainly not for sale as far as I know. Still, very elaborate if you get my drift.

This is an ornate bird house in the Maharajah Jungle Trek aviary in Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Of course, it’s certainly not for sale as far as I know. Still, very elaborate if you get my drift.

70. While most birdhouses are made from wood, many can be molded from ceramics.

Now these are very much elaborately painted with designs that put some art major's drawing skills to shame. However, if it weren't the holes and rods, I would've mistook them for very fancy firecrackers.

Now these are very much elaborately painted with designs that put some art major’s drawing skills to shame. However, if it weren’t the holes and rods, I would’ve mistook them for very fancy firecrackers.

71. Of course, while birdhouses can be quite elaborate, you can paint them however you like.

Now I really like this house by how it's so finely painted. Not to mention, it's purple too. And sparkly.

Now I really like this house by how it’s so finely painted. Not to mention, it’s purple too. And sparkly.

72. Now this birdhouse cabin provides the perfect avian nature retreat in the wild.

Now this cabin not only has a porch, it also has a gazebo along with it, too. Not to mention, one pair has already built a nest in it as well.

Now this cabin not only has a porch, it also has a gazebo along with it, too. Not to mention, one pair has already built a nest in it as well.

73. Most birdhouses are usually plain, but this one seems to come straight out from Game of Thrones.

Now I love the ornate style of this such as the clam shell roof and the metal on the front. Still, I'm sure any birds on Game of Thrones would love this, even if many of them get killed off fighting for it.

Now I love the ornate style of this such as the clam shell roof and the metal on the front. Still, I’m sure any birds on Game of Thrones would love this, even if many of them get killed off fighting for it.

74. Now your birds can work out their wings in this birdhouse avian gym.

Seems Tom's Gym's offering $50 off for personal training and guarantees results in 2 weeks. Still, I'm sure most birds tend to be in good shape without needing to visit a gym. Yet, I like the gym equipment in this though.

Seems Tom’s Gym’s offering $50 off for personal training and guarantees results in 2 weeks. Still, I’m sure most birds tend to be in good shape without needing to visit a gym. Yet, I like the gym equipment in this though.

75. If you like old style houses, then this birdhouse with a waterwheel will certainly make your birds feel in another time.

Now this is said to be a watermill cottage with a porch all around. I'm sure the waterwheel is fake in this. But at least this birdhouse doesn't include a birdbath.

Now this is said to be a watermill cottage with a porch all around. I’m sure the waterwheel is fake in this. But at least this birdhouse doesn’t include a birdbath.

76. At times some of these birdhouses tend to take a turn for the more abstract or moderne.

I'm sure many birds in the architectural world would see this as a masterpiece. Regular birds on the other hand, might see it as utter crap. Still, I think it's kind of neat.

I’m sure many birds in the architectural world would see this as a masterpiece. Regular birds on the other hand, might see it as utter crap. Still, I think it’s kind of neat as it kind of reminds me of a person looking in.

77. You can always build a birdhouse with even the most minimum materials at hand.

Now I'm sure this was made from an old electrical outlet shield and an erector set. Seems like some birds have already made a nest there, too.

Now I’m sure this was made from an old electrical outlet shield and an erector set. Seems like some birds have already made a nest there, too.

78. This birdhouse, is bound to make a bird feel at home in its natural habitat.

Now while birds might find a birdhouse like this quite attractive, I'm not sure about people in your neighborhood. They might wonder why this birdhouse seems to be covered in twigs.

Now while birds might find a birdhouse like this quite attractive, I’m not sure about people in your neighborhood. They might wonder why this birdhouse seems to be covered in twigs.

79. Why build a birdhouse, if you can have a beautiful bird tower?

I wonder if they design birdhouses like that in Asia. I mean this kind of resembles a kind of avian pagoda to me for some reason. Still, I'm sure the birds will love it.

I wonder if they design birdhouses like that in Asia. I mean this kind of resembles a kind of avian pagoda to me for some reason. Still, I’m sure the birds will love it.

80. When it comes to birdhouses, you can always make the birds feel at home if you cover one with mosaics of some.

Now I'm sure this is a birdhouse even the biggest artistic bird lover would want. Still, I wonder how that person manage to get some of the brightly colored stone tiles. Probably some hardware store like Lowes or Home Depot.

Now I’m sure this is a birdhouse even the biggest artistic bird lover would want. Still, I wonder how that person manage to get some of the brightly colored stone tiles. Probably some hardware store like Lowes or Home Depot.

To Have and to Hold Wedding Cake Toppers

discount-wedding-cake-toppers

Now last year I did a post on wedding cakes which has received a lot of views since July. But even so, most wedding cakes usually have decorations of some sort, particularly on the top. Now toppers usually range from a floral arrangement with fake flowers to the traditional standing bride and groom. And a lot of times, you can customize as you and significant others please. However, despite this being a food post, most of what I have to feature isn’t at all edible and sometimes tends to be used as a keepsake. For instance, my grandparents have their wedding cake topper. Nevertheless, while I can tell you of all the great wedding cake toppers out there, you probably wouldn’t want to hear it since it would be quite boring and sentimental that it’ll make you puke in sheer boredom. So instead I’ll show wedding cake toppers that should never be on wedding cakes or see a wedding reception. I mean you have to wonder why couples would ever want them gracing their cakes. So for your reading pleasure, here are some ill-advised wedding cake toppers you shouldn’t put on your wedding cake. Some of these might not be safe for work.

1. All right, get him to the altar kicking and screaming where it’s legal.

I know it's a gay marriage cake but still. It's basically abduction if you really think about it, even if the guys are in tuxedos. And it being a gay wedding cake, it might have certain unfortunate implications to some people.

I know it’s a gay marriage cake but still. It’s basically abduction if you really think about it, even if the guys are in tuxedos. And it being a gay wedding cake, it might have certain unfortunate implications to some people.

2. As in fairy tales, if you kiss a frog it’s said to turn into a prince.

Still, I'm sure if you kiss a frog he may still be a frog. And even if he's a prince, he could still be a jerk. Seriously, the frog in the Frog Prince story was a jerk who thinks good deeds to girls should get him laid.

Still, I’m sure if you kiss a frog he may still be a frog. And even if he’s a prince, he could still be a jerk. Seriously, the frog in the Frog Prince story was a jerk who thinks good deeds to girls should get him laid.

3. Sometimes the bride can just be too big that they fall into the cake.

Now while overweight women do get married (and not always to overweight men), this is just pretty insulting to them. Seriously, why does this cake topper even exist for God's sake?

Now while overweight women do get married (and not always to overweight men), this is just pretty insulting to them. Seriously, why does this cake topper even exist for God’s sake?

4. Nothing makes a better wedding cake topper than one paying tribute to a movie about a woman being pursued by her 12 feet tall and 800 pound city ravaging stalker.

Enjoy your honeymoon in New York City. Hope you like your view from the top of the Empire State Building. Seriously, King Kong is a very twisted love story if you really think about it.

Enjoy your honeymoon in New York City. Hope you like your view from the top of the Empire State Building. Seriously, King Kong is a very twisted love story if you really think about it.

5. Seems like she’s caught him by the buttocks. Now she just has to reel him in.

I'm sure if this guy wants to get loose, all he has to do is take his pants off. Then again, the hook might've dug into his skin by now.

I’m sure if this guy wants to get loose, all he has to do is take his pants off. Then again, the hook might’ve dug into his skin by now. But I’m not sure if he’ll take it hook, line, and sinker.

6. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you horse and unicorn head.”

Of course, you might think it's demented. But keep in mind that a couple is actually wearing such masks in the background. Still, very demented.

Of course, you might think it’s demented. But keep in mind that a couple is actually wearing such masks in the background. Still, very demented as a cake topper of which your family members may never really understand.

7. Grace your wedding cake with the Dark Knight and his Catwoman bride.

Yeah, I'm sure a marriage between Batman and Catwoman would seem like a match made in heaven. But keep in mind, Batman is a psychological wreck with childhood induced PTSD who thinks dressing up as a bat as well as acts that his brand of vigilante justice and vengeance will honor his dead parents' memories. And Catwoman, well, she's a habitual thief and possibly can't be trusted.

Yeah, I’m sure a marriage between Batman and Catwoman would seem like a match made in heaven. But keep in mind, Batman is a psychological wreck with childhood induced PTSD who thinks dressing up as a bat as well as acts that his brand of vigilante justice and vengeance will honor his dead parents’ memories. And Catwoman, well, she’s a habitual thief and possibly can’t be trusted.

8. Now this wedding cake topper has the ultimate bridezilla.

Let me guess, their honeymoon will probably consist of storming the streets of Tokyo. It will probably be an utter disaster, for the Japanese at least.

Let me guess, their honeymoon will probably consist of storming the streets of Tokyo. It will probably be an utter disaster, for the Japanese at least.

9. This zombie wedding cake topper will show how true love lasts forever, even beyond the grave or during a zombie apocalypse.

Sure this might be a great wedding cake topper, if you plan to get married on Halloween. Otherwise, I'm sure nobody wants to think about zombie hordes hungry for your brains on what's supposed to be a happy occasion.

Sure this might be a great wedding cake topper, if you plan to get married on Halloween. Otherwise, I’m sure nobody wants to think about zombie hordes hungry for your brains on what’s supposed to be a happy occasion.

10. Awww….Alien marries Predator. Isn’t that sweet?

I bet you any money that this cake topper was the groom's idea in this wedding. Besides, since they already came out with Alien vs. Predator, I'm not sure if I'd think a Alien/Predator marriage would even work out. Then again, they might kill each other in the process, which may be fine by me.

I bet you any money that this cake topper was the groom’s idea in this wedding. Besides, since they already came out with Alien vs. Predator, I’m not sure if I’d think a Alien/Predator marriage would even work out. Then again, they might kill each other in the process, which may be fine by me.

11. Sometimes the secret to getting a man is to lasso him in.

This bride's face reads:

This bride’s face reads: “Hmm…doesn’t seem like much, but he’ll do just the same.” Seriously, lassos are for cows, not men, especially at the neck.

12. I call this one “Armed in Matrimony.”

Because marriage is all about you and your partner against the rest of the world. Seems like the bride really loves her shotgun, perhaps a bit too much. Then again, at least the guns are for hunting as far as I know.

Because marriage is all about you and your partner against the rest of the world. Seems like the bride really loves her shotgun, perhaps a bit too much. Then again, at least the guns are for hunting as far as I know.

13. Get married and then spend your wedding day texting on your smartphones.

Now I have nothing against weddings but on your special day, mobile devices should be off limits at least until the honeymoon. Seriously, a cell phone interruption is the last thing you want at a wedding.

Now I have nothing against technology but on your special day, mobile devices should be off limits at least until the honeymoon. Seriously, a cell phone interruption is the last thing you want at a wedding.

14. “Ah…can I just play one more level of Halo?” “No way, Jose!”

Sorry, buddy, but it's game over for you. Now pick up yourself by your bootsraps and grow up. Then again, I wonder if the bride is dragging him to the altar a little too soon.

Sorry, buddy, but it’s game over for you. Now pick up yourself by your bootsraps and grow up. Then again, I wonder if the bride is dragging him to the altar a little too soon.

15. Ah…there’s nothing like romantic moment like love at first fight.

I'm sure these two are only marrying each other because they want children and feel that they couldn't find someone better. They can't stand each other. Then again, they can be in a romantic comedy, which in this case would make them utterly perfect for each other.

I’m sure these two are only marrying each other because they want children and feel that they couldn’t find someone better. They can’t stand each other. Then again, they can be in a romantic comedy, which in this case would make them utterly perfect for each other.

16. Seems like this bride really loves her new husband’s cheeks.

Okay, I'm sure that would be hard to explain to the children. Nothing to see here, kids. You'll find out when you're older.

Okay, I’m sure that would be hard to explain to the children. Nothing to see here, kids. You’ll find out when you’re older.

17. Congratulations to Mr. Right and Mrs. Always Right.

And it seems that Mrs. Always Right really wants to rub it in to Mr. Right. I'm not sure why. But she probably wants to show who's boss.

And it seems that Mrs. Always Right really wants to rub it in to Mr. Right. I’m not sure why. But she probably wants to show who’s boss.

18. Of course, weddings can be stressful. And after the big day, you just want to relax.

I can understand why the groom would want to kick back on his recliner and TV after the altar trip. Wish the bride could have something to relax on, too.

I can understand why the groom would want to kick back on his recliner and TV after the altar trip. Wish the bride could have something to relax on, too.

19. “Don’t make me aim my shotgun at you.”

I'm sure if you need a shotgun to stop a runaway groom, then I'm not sure if you should marry him. Him complying would be fear not love. And in romance, it's better to be loved than feared and hated.

I’m sure if you need a shotgun to stop a runaway groom, then I’m not sure if you should marry him. Him complying would be fear not love. And in romance, it’s better to be loved than feared and hated.

20. Seems like the latest wedding craze for brides is having their groom on a leash.

Now either this is utterly humiliating for the groom or some kind of BDSM routine. But by the look of their faces, it seems to lean toward the former for some reason.

Now either this is utterly humiliating for the groom or some kind of BDSM routine. But by the look of their faces, it seems to lean toward the former for some reason.

21. These two newlyweds are as crazy as a couple of mad rabbits.

Sure rabbits are supposed to be cute little balls of fur. These are not in any way. Still, I'd watch out for the bride if I were you. She has a skillet and isn't afraid to use it, and I'm not sure for cooking.

Sure rabbits are supposed to be cute little balls of fur. These are not in any way. Still, I’d watch out for the bride if I were you. She has a skillet and isn’t afraid to use it, and I’m not sure for cooking.

22. For your under the sea wedding theme, it’s best to have your wedding cake topped with a couple of mermice.

What the fuck? Seriously, this is fucked up beyond belief. How in the hell would anyone think that putting a fishtail on the animal you call an exterminator for is cute?I mean the person who came up with an idea like this must be a. a hippie who had too much brown acid at Woodstock, b. a mad scientist, c. a rogue taxidermist or some old timey impresio wanting to make a buck, or d. all of the above.

What the fuck? Seriously, this is fucked up beyond belief. How in the hell would anyone think that putting a fishtail on the animal you call an exterminator for is cute?I mean the person who came up with an idea like this must be a. a hippie who had too much brown acid at Woodstock, b. a mad scientist, c. a rogue taxidermist or some old timey impresario wanting to make a buck, or d. all of the above.

23. For those men about to marry significantly older women, a Harold and Maude wedding cake topper would do just fine.

Sure it's a 1970s film about a barely legal emo teen and a geriactric bohemian old enough to be his grandma. But still, at least it has a good storyline, a strong female lead, and a Cat Stevens soundtrack. Also, at least it's not a romance between 17 year old girl and a 107-year old vampire who hangs out at her high school. Now that would be very creepy.

Sure it’s a 1970s film about a barely legal emo teen and a geriactric bohemian old enough to be his grandma. But still, at least it has a good storyline, a strong female lead, and a Cat Stevens soundtrack. Also, at least it’s not a romance between 17 year old girl and a 107-year old vampire who hangs out at her high school. Now that would be very creepy.

24. “By the power vested in me, I pronounce you Chucky and Bride of Chucky.”

Okay, I think if my grandma saw this wedding cake topper she'd remark on how cute it was until she took a closer look. Yeah, I'm sure a topper of homicidal dolls is what you'd want on your wedding cake. Not.

Okay, I think if my grandma saw this wedding cake topper she’d remark on how cute it was until she took a closer look. Yeah, I’m sure a topper of homicidal dolls is what you’d want on your wedding cake. Not.

25. Nothing drives the point of “till death do us part” than a couple of kissing skeletons emphasizing “how love never dies.”

Now skeletons are one thing but French kissing skeletons over a grave? Now that's crazy. Even for a wedding on Halloween.

Now skeletons are one thing but French kissing skeletons over a grave? Now that’s crazy. Even for a wedding on Halloween.

26. “I’m arresting you in the name of love for stealing my heart. You’ll be facing a lifetime of holy matrimony.”

I suppose this wedding cake topper is for a cop. Still, for a second I thought he either had her pulled over or she was giving a description of her runaway groom.

I suppose this wedding cake topper is for a cop. Still, for a second I thought he either had her pulled over or she was giving a description of her runaway groom.

27. For more innocent fun, top your wedding cake with this PlayMobil couple.

Seems like this groom just married a black widow, or a woman who'd soon become one if he's her first one. Yeah, and this is coming from a company that makes toys for children. That's pretty twisted.

Seems like this groom just married a black widow, or a woman who’d soon become one if he’s her first one. Yeah, and this is coming from a company that makes toys for children. That’s pretty twisted.

28. Seems like the couple packing heat together stays together. Then again, it’s possible that they’d probably die together, too in some domestic dispute that would go out of hand.

That groom better get off his cell phone now since I don't like the look on the bride's face. Seriously, all guns do is make these blushing newlyweds look like homicidal maniacs. Just saying.

That groom better get off his cell phone now since I don’t like the look on the bride’s face. Seriously, all guns do is make these blushing newlyweds look like homicidal maniacs. Just saying.

29. For the guy from Baltimore getting married, this Baltimore Ravens cake topper is for you.

I could imagine my Aunt Jane's husband recommending this cake topper for one of his kids when any of them get married. Still,  I'm sure those aren't taxidermied ravens since I'm sure the real birds are bigger.

I could imagine my Aunt Jane’s husband recommending this cake topper for one of his kids when any of them get married. Still, I’m sure those aren’t taxidermied ravens since I’m sure the real birds are bigger.

30. For a little bit of night life, top your wedding cake with a couple of bats.

Okay, now this might seem fine for Halloween. But for any other time of year, it's just batty. I mean there's a reason why we don't associate weddings with bats.

Okay, now this might seem fine for Halloween. But for any other time of year, it’s just batty. I mean there’s a reason why we don’t associate weddings with bats.

31. For your winter wedding you can’t do worse than a Snow Queen cake topper.

Okay, now despite that Frozen was inspired by the Snow Queen story. The tale is about a magical ice queen who abducts a child and keeps him in her castle for a long time. Hardly a subject for a wedding cake topper.

Okay, now despite that Frozen was inspired by the Snow Queen story. The tale is about a magical ice queen who abducts a child and keeps him in her castle for a long time. Hardly a subject for a wedding cake topper.

32. Seems like he either did something wrong or she made love like a praying mantis.

Okay, now this headless groom topper would be great for a divorce cake. But a wedding cake, c'mon, it's disturbing. Seriously, the bride looks like as if she's a new black widow than a new wife.

Okay, now this headless groom topper would be great for a divorce cake. But a wedding cake, c’mon, it’s disturbing. Seriously, the bride looks like as if she’s a new black widow than a new wife.

33. The family who stays together plays video games together.

And it seems that the bride is beating the groom every time. Hmmm..maybe the woman he married wasn't as bad in video games as he thought.

And it seems that the bride is beating the groom every time. Hmmm..maybe the woman he married wasn’t as bad in video games as he thought.

34. Marriage is tying your beloved to a chair and threatening to cutting them up with a chainsaw.

Okay, who in the hell would want a wedding cake topper like this? This is utterly like something you'd see from your worst nightmares. Not on a wedding cake.

Okay, who in the hell would want a wedding cake topper like this? This is utterly like something you’d see from your worst nightmares. Not on a wedding cake.

35. In the Lovecraftian universe, a Cthulhu wedding cake topper guarantees that you don’t have to orchestrate total global annihilation alone.

Of course, Cthulhu and his bride are basically evil Eldritch Abominations who wish to destroy the earth in oblivion. Not something you'd want to put on a wedding cake. But, hey, don't judge me.

Of course, Cthulhu and his bride are basically evil Eldritch Abominations who wish to destroy the earth in oblivion. Not something you’d want to put on a wedding cake. But, hey, don’t judge me.

36. Nothing makes a great wedding cake than having it topped by two figures from Halo.

I guess the bride is the pink one. How could I have thought of that pray tell. Still, wonder how they'll manage when, "you may kiss the bride," are heard.

I guess the bride is the pink one. How could I have thought of that pray tell. Still, wonder how they’ll manage when, “you may kiss the bride,” are heard.

37. Seems like these two aren’t having a good start.

Now this isn't a good way to start a marriage. Once again, seems more appropriate for a divorce cake.

Now this isn’t a good way to start a marriage. Appears that these two are so mad that they’re giving each other the silent treatment. Once again, seems more appropriate for a divorce cake.

38. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you Batman and Robin.”

Of course, if you're thinking about the 1960s series, Batman and Robin's sexuality comes as no surprise. Still, I don't classify Batman as relationship material, since he really needs to see a therapist.

Of course, if you’re thinking about the 1960s series, Batman and Robin’s sexuality comes as no surprise. Still, I don’t classify Batman as relationship material, since he really needs to see a therapist.

39. The couple who stays together gets drunk together.

Actually alcoholics make terrible marriage partners, even to each other. Couples who drink together don't really stay together unless they go to rehab to get sober together. Seriously, marrying an alcoholic will certainly increase your chances of divorce.

Actually alcoholics make terrible marriage partners, even to each other. Couples who drink together don’t really stay together unless they go to rehab to get sober together. Seriously, marrying an alcoholic will certainly increase your chances of divorce.

40. For the couple who enjoys the James Bond movies, this wedding cake topper is for you.

Seems more like Mr. and Mrs. Smith to me. And let's just say, it seemed like a marriage between two assassins trying to kill each other. Thus, more like a match made in hell.

Seems more like Mr. and Mrs. Smith to me. And let’s just say, it seemed like a marriage between two assassins trying to kill each other. Thus, more like a match made in hell.

41. “No way to run princess, you’re coming with me.”

Seems like the guy is more anxious to get married than the bride is. Then again, the bride probably wants to frolic in the open countryside and smell the flowers.

Seems like the guy is more anxious to get married than the bride is. Then again, the bride probably wants to frolic in the open countryside and smell the flowers.

42. When getting a girl, try to lure her with something shiny and she’ll fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

I'm sure she'll probably be in it for the jewelry. Of course, she's not picky about the diamond size. But that doesn't prevent her from being suspected as a gold digger.

I’m sure she’ll probably be in it for the jewelry. Of course, she’s not picky about the diamond size. But that doesn’t prevent her from being suspected as a gold digger.

43. “Can’t talk, honey, I’m running late for my golf game.”

Then again, at least I can be confident isn't built like a gorgeous Swedish model and the groom doesn't look anything like Tiger Woods. Still, I'm sure things between them are fine.

Then again, at least I can be confident isn’t built like a gorgeous Swedish model and the groom doesn’t look anything like Tiger Woods. Still, I’m sure things between them are fine.

44. Here comes the bride….oh, wait, she’s still shopping.

Hope she makes it back in time to get married. I'd hate to see her keeping her groom hanging like that. Seriously, no woman in her right mind would want to shop on her wedding day.

Hope she makes it back in time to get married. I’d hate to see her keeping her groom hanging like that. Seriously, no woman in her right mind would want to shop on her wedding day.

45. It’s the bride at the bat with her groom pitching toward home plate.

Seems like the groom is in very close proximity. Hope the bride doesn't hit a fast ball. I'm sure it wouldn't look good for the groom.

Seems like the groom is in very close proximity. Hope the bride doesn’t hit a fast ball. I’m sure it wouldn’t look good for the groom.

46. Nothing makes a wedding cake better than a topper of the bride and groom on cell phones barely paying any attention to one another.

I'm not sure if these two are supposed to be talking to each other. However, it certainly doesn't look like it. Seriously, unless one of you has a relative in the hospital, cell phones should be off at all times during weddings.

I’m not sure if these two are supposed to be talking to each other. However, it certainly doesn’t look like it. Seriously, unless one of you has a relative in the hospital, cell phones should be off at all times during weddings.

47. For horse lovers, nothing makes a better wedding cake topper than one of horses entwined together.

Now it's one thing to have horses on your wedding cake, especially if you're both horse lovers. But entwined horses, that's just pushing the envelope into tacky if you ask me.

Now it’s one thing to have horses on your wedding cake, especially if you’re both horse lovers. But entwined horses, that’s just pushing the envelope into tacky if you ask me.

48. “Remember, Barry, chapel first, hunting lodge later.”

And it seems like the bride has the shotgun in hand to make sure her groom complies. Seriously, this is kind of crazy. Then again, the sign did state, "No Hunting."

And it seems like the bride has the shotgun in hand to make sure her groom complies. Seriously, this is kind of crazy. Then again, the sign did state, “No Hunting.”

49. Seems like these two are nuzzling up like a couple of earthworms.

Earthworms on a wedding cake topper? Seriously? I mean they're slimy ground dwelling creatures for God's sake. There's nothing cute about them whatsoever.

Earthworms on a wedding cake topper? Seriously? I mean they’re slimy ground dwelling creatures for God’s sake. There’s nothing cute about them whatsoever.

50. “May you two be mounted together in the sacred bond of holy matrimony.”

Now having mounted deer on a wedding cake. That's just, well, tacky to say the least. Still, these two seemed to be together whether they like it or not. Nevertheless, the antler rings are in poor taste.

Now having mounted deer on a wedding cake. That’s just, well, tacky to say the least. Still, these two seemed to be together whether they like it or not. Nevertheless, the antler rings are in poor taste.

51. This NASCAR wedding cake topper will ensure your way to the finish line.

Of course, this would've been a perfectly nice wedding cake topper if it didn't have the checkered flags on it. Yeah, that just looks tacky to say the least. Perhaps they should cover the bride and groom with corporate sponsor logos, too.

Of course, this would’ve been a perfectly nice wedding cake topper if it didn’t have the checkered flags on it. Yeah, that just looks tacky to say the least. Perhaps they should cover the bride and groom with corporate sponsor logos, too.

52. Nothing makes a wedding cake better than a topper consisting of pigs with wings.

I'll highly recommend this topper to any couple about to get married....when pigs fly. Seriously, this almost make tacky flamingo lawn ornaments look like the Venus de Milo.

I’ll highly recommend this topper to any couple about to get married….when pigs fly. Seriously, this almost make tacky flamingo lawn ornaments look like the Venus de Milo.

53. Nothing says true love like a wedding cake topper of two disembodied hands joined together as one.

Now unlike some of the creepier cake toppers, this one is supposed to elicit heartwarming feelings. However, it's just plain creepy and terrifying.

Now unlike some of the creepier cake toppers, this one is supposed to elicit heartwarming feelings. However, it’s just plain creepy and terrifying.

54. For the die hard motorcycle fans, this wedding cake topper is one you can’t miss.

Now a motorcycle wedding cake topper is one thing. But one in a field of lace? Now that's in poor taste. Just because lace is pretty and Harleys seem badass, doesn't mean that the two should go together.

Now a motorcycle wedding cake topper is one thing. But one in a field of lace? Now that’s in poor taste. Just because lace is pretty and Harleys seem badass, doesn’t mean that the two should go together.

55. Nothing makes a circus themed wedding more festive than wedding cake toppers like these clowns.

Now I'm not sure why anyone would want a circus themed wedding. Still, this clown couple is pretty much the epitome of tacky. You're better off with a topper of Cirque du Soleil.

Now I’m not sure why anyone would want a circus themed wedding. Still, this clown couple is pretty much the epitome of tacky. You’re better off with a topper of Cirque du Soleil.

56. Nothing says “I love you” like a cute deer who’s about to get himself shot on your wedding cake.

Like how the groom is dressed up like Davy Crockett in a suit. Yeah, really seems like he's going to bring home a buck. Hope it has 3 or more points or else it ain't legal to shoot.

Like how the groom is dressed up like Davy Crockett in a suit. Yeah, really seems like he’s going to bring home a buck. Hope it has 3 or more points or else it ain’t legal to shoot.

57. As the old saying, marriage is the old ball and chain.

Seems like this bride is going to have her groom locked to the ball for awhile. And he doesn't seem to be too happy about it. Now I know this is from an old saying. But still, there are plenty of men around who want to get married.

Seems like this bride is going to have her groom locked to the ball for awhile. And he doesn’t seem to be too happy about it. Now I know this is from an old saying. But still, there are plenty of men around who want to get married.

58. Newlyweds are supposed to be happy as a couple of pigs in the lilacs.

Now this would make a perfectly good wedding cake topper, if it weren't for the pigs in it. Seriously, why put pigs on a wedding cake? They're  not cuddly creatures.

Now this would make a perfectly good wedding cake topper, if it weren’t for the pigs in it. Seriously, why put pigs on a wedding cake? They’re not cuddly creatures.

59. “I’ll get you to the altar, even if I have to drag you myself with my bare hands.

Okay, this sort of looks like in a movie when the bad guy captures the princess as he drags her into his lair with a creepy smile. Yeah, not a good scenario here.

Okay, this sort of looks like in a movie when the bad guy captures the princess as he drags her into his lair with a creepy smile. Yeah, not a good scenario here.

60. For those who think the zombie and skeleton wedding cake toppers weren’t creepy enough, this one is for you.

Now this is downright terrifying. Can't imagine what kind of couple having this on their wedding cake would actually look like. Then again, maybe I could and just don't want to imagine it.

Now this is downright terrifying. Can’t imagine what kind of couple having this on their wedding cake would actually look like. Then again, maybe I could and just don’t want to imagine it.

61. “I now pronounce you Bigfoot and the Abominable Snowman.”

Now while we can agree sasquatches and yetis tend to look similar, I'm not sure if they'd be able to get together. I mean one's in the Pacific Northwest while the other's in the Himalayas. So it's all a matter of geography.

Now while we can agree sasquatches and yetis tend to look similar, I’m not sure if they’d be able to get together. I mean one’s in the Pacific Northwest while the other’s in the Himalayas. So it’s all a matter of geography.

62. Seems like someone really likes to shop at the best retailers. I wonder who.

Now I hope she's not just marrying the poor guy for the money here. Because all that merchandise she has with her doesn't look cheap to me.

Now I hope she’s not just marrying the poor guy for the money here. Because all that merchandise she has with her doesn’t look cheap to me.

63. May you love, honor, cherish, and stand your ground.

Just when you think you've seen enough wedding cake toppers with guns on them, they come out with another one. Now I get that a lot of people like guns but still hate to put my politics in this, but guns kill people. It's their purpose. And you wonder why we can't get gun control.

Just when you think you’ve seen enough wedding cake toppers with guns on them, they come out with another one. Now I get that a lot of people like guns but still hate to put my politics in this, but guns kill people. It’s their purpose. And you wonder why we can’t get gun control.

64. Seems like it’s all downhill from here.

I'm not sure skiing down from a multi-tiered wedding cake is going to be good for these figurines. Perhaps this couple is going on a ski resort for their honeymoon.

I’m not sure skiing down from a multi-tiered wedding cake is going to be good for these figurines. Perhaps this couple is going on a ski resort for their honeymoon.

65. “I now pronounce you Optimus Prime and Megantron.”

Hmmm....didn't know they had a pink Transformer. Then again, robots don't have gender anyway. Still, a few explosions and it would be like the live action Michael Bay series that keeps making money despite not having plot.

Hmmm….didn’t know they had a pink Transformer. Then again, robots don’t have gender anyway. Still, a few explosions and it would be like the live action Michael Bay series that keeps making money despite not having plot.

66. “You may spank the bride.”

This could easily be a wedding cake topper of a tuxedoed guy and a stripper, not to be stereotypical. The bridal outfit could just be a costume.

This could easily be a wedding cake topper of a tuxedoed guy and a stripper, not to be stereotypical. The bridal outfit could just be a costume.

67. When it comes to marriage, a lot of times it’s just give or take.

Unfortunately, this guy seems to treat his gold digging bride as if she was a stripper at some nightclub in Las Vegas. Seriously, this is a terrible piece for a wedding cake? What kind of couple would want this?

Unfortunately, this guy seems to treat his gold digging bride as if she was a stripper at some nightclub in Las Vegas. Seriously, this is a terrible piece for a wedding cake? What kind of couple would want this?

68. Of course, since a lot of people like bacon, it’s only fitting that I show a bacon wedding cake topper.

Of course, having bacon topped on your wedding cake really emphasizes the "till death do we part" construct. And by, "death" I mean cardiovascular disease.

Of course, having bacon topped on your wedding cake really emphasizes the “till death do we part” construct. And by, “death” I mean cardiovascular disease.

69. When it comes to weddings, some couples can’t keep their hands off each other.

Seems like this couple were among those who saved sex until marriage and they just want to get it on the first chance they get. Save it for the honeymoon, kids.

Seems like this couple were among those who saved sex until marriage and they just want to get it on the first chance they get. Save it for the honeymoon, kids.

70. Seems like this groom is running the ball with the wife on his back.

I'm sure running the ball with a bride on your back is hard, especially with a bunch of guys from the other team going after you. Then again, maybe that's why the bride is on his back. True teamwork spirit, man.

I’m sure running the ball with a bride on your back is hard, especially with a bunch of guys from the other team going after you. Then again, maybe that’s why the bride is on his back. True teamwork spirit, man.

71. For a western wedding theme, go with a wedding cake topper of horses.

I don't know about you, but the top part seems to be made from cheap plastic crap from China. I think it would've been fine with just the flowers. Seriously, why?

I don’t know about you, but the top part seems to be made from cheap plastic crap from China. I think it would’ve been fine with just the flowers. Seriously, why?

72. For many, marriage means being happily handcuffed together for life.

Seems to me that the bride is an undercover cop as I see with the hidden gun in the holster. And the groom is the crook. Either way, this wedding cake topper looks very sleazy to say the least.

Seems to me that the bride is an undercover cop as I see with the hidden gun in the holster. And the groom is the crook. Either way, this wedding cake topper looks very sleazy to say the least.

73. No wedding cake topper emphasizes your love for the great outdoors than one depicting a couple of moose.

At least the female of the pair is depicted right in this topper. Not like in the nativity scene set in which every adult figure has antlers, including the Virgin Mary.

At least the female of the pair is depicted right in this topper. Not like in the nativity scene set in which every adult figure has antlers, including the Virgin Mary. Yeah.

74. Sick of figurines, how about top your wedding cake off with a sparkly crown?

Seriously, a crown for a wedding cake? For God's sake shouldn't the bride be a princess for the day?  Also, why does this even exist?

Seriously, a crown for a wedding cake? For God’s sake shouldn’t the bride be a princess for the day? Also, why does this even exist?

75. Understand that relationships are all about faith and trust, which you two will definitely need when fighting off the zombie apocalypse.

I'm sure your wedding sucked if you spent the reception basically killing off zombie wedding guests. I mean weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. A zombie plague at the reception isn't.

I’m sure your wedding sucked if you spent the reception basically killing off zombie wedding guests. I mean weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. A zombie plague at the reception isn’t.

76. Sorry, buddy, but you will be hers and she will make you one of them.

Of course, there's a popular notion that certain men don't want to get married. However, I think when it comes to zombie brides, this guy seems to have a valid excuse. Seriously, nobody wants to be eaten or catch zombie plague.

Of course, there’s a popular notion that certain men don’t want to get married. However, I think when it comes to zombie brides, this guy seems to have a valid excuse. Seriously, nobody wants to be eaten or catch zombie plague.

77. Seems like these two got themselves a bridegroom.

Of course, if the bride wasn't so anxious to get to the altar, who knows what would've happened to him. Because I'd sure wouldn't want to leave him alone with the bipedal buck packing heat.

Of course, if the bride wasn’t so anxious to get to the altar, who knows what would’ve happened to him. Because I’d sure wouldn’t want to leave him alone with the bipedal buck packing heat.

78. Seems like she’s the one wearing the pants in the relationship, literally.

Now I'm sure the groom is quite embarrassed to be seen without his trousers. Still, this is in pretty poor taste if you think about it.

Now I’m sure the groom is quite embarrassed to be seen without his trousers. Still, this is in pretty poor taste if you think about it.

79. Now this bride has managed to catch a fish and her man.

I'm sure the big one didn't get away this time, but I'm not sure which one it is. Still, not sure if it makes a great wedding cake topper.

I’m sure the big one didn’t get away this time, but I’m not sure which one it is. Still, not sure if it makes a great wedding cake topper.

80. “Get your drunken ass off the floor for we’re going to the chapel.

Now if one of you is found drinking with beer cans on the day of your wedding, I think you should really reconsider going through with it. Seriously, alcoholics make terrible spouses and calling it off may be a waste of money now but it will save you a lot of potential divorce costs in the long run.

Now if one of you is found drinking with beer cans on the day of your wedding, I think you should really reconsider going through with it. Seriously, alcoholics make terrible spouses and calling it off may be a waste of money now but it will save you a lot of potential divorce costs in the long run.

Till Death Do Us Part Wedding Photography

Excellent-wedding-photographer

As we all know, weddings are said to be one of the happiest times of a person’s life, especially if you’re a woman who’s dreamed of her fairy tale wedding as a little girl. Now I haven’t walked down the aisle myself, but I understand that it’s an occasion most people want to remember fondly and the main reason why they hire wedding photographers and video guys for these gigs. Of course, my grandparents married for 58 years didn’t have the video guys to record their wedding but my parents married for 28 come June did and the last time they saw their wedding video, they couldn’t believe how many people in it were dead. Still, most people want the occasion to be special as well as documented in a certain way like perfect and romantic. Typical wedding portraits may have a couple very much in love as well as possibly surrounded by friends and family. Now I can go on and on about the great wedding photos of our time but you’d probably be bored to tears wish. So instead, I’ll introduce you to photos that either depict wedding mishaps or things bound to go wrong or possibly make you scratch your heads asking what were they thinking? This would especially be the case when I show you pictures from Russia and believe me there’s a lot of them. Some of them may not be safe for work, by the way. So without further adieu, here are some great disastrous wedding photos too terrible to miss.

1. Universal Pictures presents Attack of the 50 Foot Groom!

Let me guess, when the groom snatches up his bride, they'll probably be headed to their honeymoon in New York City. And I'm sure they'll be on top of the Empire State Building before the airplanes shoot him down to the ground. Yes, it'll be the beauty that killed the beast.

Let me guess, when the groom snatches up his bride, they’ll probably be headed to their honeymoon in New York City. And I’m sure they’ll be on top of the Empire State Building before the airplanes shoot him down to the ground. Yes, it’ll be the beauty that killed the beast.

2. “Oh, Svelenta, you shouldn’t have. Boris and I will love it,” said Grushenka with her teeth clattering.

I'm sure this dildo tends to receive an award for the

I’m sure this dildo tends to receive an award for the “Most Awkward Wedding Present.” Seriously, would giving Boris and Grushenka a toaster or veggie dip dish would be that bad?

3. Ladies and gentlemen, time for the Chicken Dance!

Okay, as much as I think the Chicken Dance is a lame ass song to do a dumb dance to, this is not what I had in mind. Then again, it's from Russia where they do silly photo ops like having chickens dancing.

Okay, as much as I think the Chicken Dance is a lame ass song to do a dumb dance to, this is not what I had in mind. Then again, it’s from Russia where they do silly photo ops like having chickens dancing.

4. In Russia, it’s customary for the bride to stick bread in the groom’s mouth near a tree.

Okay, I'm not sure how the bread passes through the groom's head to the tree. Oh, yes, I do photoshop.

Okay, I’m not sure how the bread passes through the groom’s head to the tree. Oh, yes, I do photoshop. And a very bad job at it.

5. In Russia, they seem to take the words, “till death do us part” very seriously.

Seriously, this is supposed to be a happy occasion. Do you want to blow your whole future away through a game of Russian roulette? Besides, guns have absolutely no place in weddings at all, even in westerns.

Seriously, this is supposed to be a happy occasion. Do you want to blow your whole future away through a game of Russian roulette? Besides, guns have absolutely no place in weddings at all, even in westerns.

6. Seems like someone woke up with cold feet this morning.

I'm sure this is a joke. But as I can tell by the bridegroom's soles, I don't have much hope for the two of them.

I’m sure this is a joke. But as I can tell by the bridegroom’s soles, I don’t have much hope for the two of them. Then again, he may be saved by a Scotsman on a horse at the last minute.

7. Theirs was a love that nothing could come between them, save maybe the occasional alpaca.

This would've been perfect if the groom in question was Napoleon Dynamite. Still, the llama's presence really kills the mood here. Perhaps getting married at a llama farm isn't a good idea.

This would’ve been perfect if the groom in question was Napoleon Dynamite. Still, the llama’s presence really kills the mood here. Perhaps getting married at a llama farm isn’t a good idea.

8. Sure it might be romantic to take a photo op near a beautiful national monument or church. Just don’t mind the beat up homeless guy.

Of course, in Russia the presence of a homeless guy could mean the seriousness and hard work of marriage. Or perhaps a reminder of what would happen to the husband if he drinks too much vodka. Then again, Russia isn't a happy place.

Of course, in Russia the presence of a homeless guy could mean the seriousness and hard work of marriage. Or perhaps a reminder of what would happen to the husband if he drinks too much vodka. Then again, Russia isn’t a happy place.

9. Of course, you can always have your photo taken on a picturesque landscape, perhaps in the American West.

I don't know what that chair is doing here but I'm sure it doesn't go well with the scenery. Then again, they could've had the photo taken at a studio and the whole desert thing is a backdrop.

I don’t know what that chair is doing here but I’m sure it doesn’t go well with the scenery. Then again, they could’ve had the photo taken at a studio and the whole desert thing is a backdrop.

10. Someone doesn’t seem too happy about the happy couple.

Now I don't know about you but the guy in the background just seems so evil in his beard and turban, as if he wants revenge on his brother for stealing the woman he loves. Then again, maybe I should cut back on certain kinds of  movies. I don't want to stereotype here.

Now I don’t know about you but the guy in the background just seems so evil in his beard and turban, as if he wants revenge on his brother for stealing the woman he loves. Then again, maybe I should cut back on certain kinds of movies. I don’t want to stereotype here.

11. Seems like this guy has found the perfect match.

Sure she may not be much to look at. But I can see the resemblance even though they tend to put on a straight face during the festivities.

Sure she may not be much to look at. But I can see the resemblance even though they tend to put on a straight face during the festivities.

12. Wedding in Aisle 3! May I repeat, wedding in Aisle 3!

I don't know about you, but I don't think having your wedding in a supermarket is a good idea. I mean, obviously unromantic aesthetics aside, it's always crowded with people scrambling for the best deal.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think having your wedding in a supermarket is a good idea. I mean, obviously unromantic aesthetics aside, it’s always crowded with people scrambling for the best deal.

13. “I know pronounce you centaur and centauress. You may kiss the bride.”

Now a beach scene is a romantic backdrop. However, having the married couple photoshopped as centaurs? Seriously, that's insane! Guess, they'll soon be horsing around.

Now a beach scene is a romantic backdrop. However, having the married couple photoshopped as centaurs? Seriously, that’s insane! Guess, they’ll soon be horsing around.

14. “Good luck on your honeymoon, kids, and don’t forget to write.”

Seems somebody here is suffering from separation anxiety and I don't think it's the bride or groom. Still, I know parents have mixed feelings about seeing their kids get married. But still, it doesn't help that this mom is watching the newlyweds make out.

Seems somebody here is suffering from separation anxiety and I don’t think it’s the bride or groom. Still, I know parents have mixed feelings about seeing their kids get married. But still, it doesn’t help that this mom is watching the newlyweds make out.

15. Take a look at this guy’s bridal carry.

Yeah, lifting the bride flat on her back wasn't much of a challenge to him. He had to literally sweep her and then grab her from her feet.

Yeah, lifting the bride flat on her back wasn’t much of a challenge to him. He had to literally sweep her and then grab her from her feet. And also but a lot guys’ self-esteems out the window.

16. Sometimes appearances can be deceiving, so look closely if you’re making assumptions.

Maybe Larry shouldn't have taken off his jacket before posing like this. Seems like the dress is coming from the bride's butt in this.

Maybe Larry shouldn’t have taken off his jacket before posing like this. Seems like the dress is coming out from Marcia’s ass.

17. Apparently, to these women, Mrs. Claus is a fashion icon.

So glad I didn't live in the 1950s. Sure I may love purple but the bridesmaids' outfits seem too grannyish and Christmasy for some reason. The dresses would've been more appropriate for caroling.

So glad I didn’t live in the 1950s. Sure I may love purple but the bridesmaids’ outfits seem too grannyish and Christmasy for some reason. The dresses would’ve been more appropriate for caroling. I reckon the men in this wedding are all either wearing red Santa suits or elf outfits.

18. Seems like some bride is being taken into custody by the Love police.

I'm sure this was done by a couple because the bridegroom is a cop. Nevertheless, this bride doe have the right to remain single. Wedding song is possibly,

I’m sure this was done by a couple because the bridegroom is a cop. Nevertheless, this bride doe have the right to remain single. Wedding song is possibly, “Stop in the name of love, before you break my heart….”

19. “Harry, do you always have to get a call? Why couldn’t you just leave your phone off this one day for Christ’s sake? It’s not like your granny’s dying in the hospital.”

If that guy were my husband, I would feel like smacking him with the bouquet, too. Seriously, there are some major events in life where cell phone interruptions shouldn't happen, save maybe the exception of having a clinically ill or dying relative in the hospital. Weddings should be among these events.

If that guy were my husband, I would feel like smacking him with the bouquet, too. Seriously, there are some major events in life where cell phone interruptions shouldn’t happen, save maybe the exception of having a clinically ill or dying relative in the hospital. Weddings should be among these events. Still, I wonder if he’ll be answering his cell phone while he’s witnessing the birth of their child, if he’s even there. Or perhaps his kid’s high school graduation.

20. Sorry, buddy, but I think your bride has already succumbed to the Dark Side of the Force.

Maybe if the guy brought his lady love flowers, chocolate, and jewelry, this whole thing would've been prevented. Still, didn't know that Darth Vader was quite a ladies' man.

Maybe if the guy brought his lady love flowers, chocolate, and jewelry, this whole thing would’ve been prevented. Still, didn’t know that Darth Vader was quite a ladies’ man. Must be the cape.

21. Nothing exemplifies the marital spirit than being married at the church in a cow costume.

Seriously, I don't think a cow costume is proper wedding attire for a groom. Still, I'm sure the missus will udderly milk him for all its worth.

Seriously, I don’t think a cow costume is proper wedding attire for a groom. Still, I’m sure the missus will udderly milk him for all it’s worth.

22. This bridegroom is so strong that he can lift an entire car with is bare hands.

Yes, Mother Russia certainly makes him strong. Still, unless he's built like King Kong, he probably won't be able to lift a Fiat in real life. So yes, this all the magic of photoshop.

Yes, Mother Russia certainly makes him strong. Still, unless he’s built like King Kong, he probably won’t be able to lift a Fiat in real life. So yes, this all the magic of photoshop.

23. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you mullet and wife.”

Glad I didn't live in the 1980s either. Still, I'm so happy that my dad was never a big enough fan of  hair bands or trashy country that he'd actually get a mullet. Yes, mullets are simply horror beyond imagination.

Glad I didn’t live in the 1980s either. Still, I’m so happy that my dad was never a big enough fan of hair bands or trashy country that he’d actually get a mullet. Yes, mullets are simply horror beyond imagination.

24. “Now where’s the bride side? Oops!” “Yeouch! Dad, can’t you just not trip on my veil for God’s sake?”

I'm sure this mishap happens a lot at weddings. Hope the bride 's scalp is all right. Still pretty funny.

I’m sure this mishap happens a lot at weddings. Hope the bride ‘s scalp is all right. Still pretty funny.

25. Marriage is about two people looking together in the same direction.

I'm sure this guy in the background just wanted a place to relieve himself and couldn't find any better restroom accommodations than a stinky outhouse. Still, while men have needs, it sort of really kills the romantic mood.

I’m sure this guy in the background just wanted a place to relieve himself and couldn’t find any better restroom accommodations than a stinky outhouse. Still, while men have needs, it sort of really kills the romantic mood.

26. Guess this wedding theme is “Wasted Away Again in Margaritaville” with the reception entree being “Cheeseburger in Paradise.”

I'm sorry but when I see a guy in such an elaborate wedding outfit, I'm bound to make a joke about Jimmy Buffet's Parrothead fans now and then. Also, the pants are quite hideous, too.

I’m sorry but when I see a guy in such an elaborate wedding outfit, I’m bound to make a joke about Jimmy Buffet’s Parrothead fans now and then. Also, the pants are quite hideous, too.

27. His hands spell, “FEAR.”

Hmmm....let's hope his hands don't reflect his commitment anxiety, shall we? Because if it does, then there may be a problem.

Hmmm….let’s hope his hands don’t reflect his commitment anxiety, shall we? Because if it does, then there may be a problem.

28. Hey, I didn’t know you can get your marriage license at the same place you can put away your crazy uncle.

Now do you think it's a great idea to have your Marriage License Bureau near the Mental Health Department. Must have a lot of interesting stuff going on at that courthouse.

Now do you think it’s a great idea to have your Marriage License Bureau near the Mental Health Department. Must have a lot of interesting stuff going on at that courthouse.

29. “Now that I’m married to the family, I’ll now make plans to kill whoever stands in my way of the family fortune. Mwa ha, ha, ha, ha.”

Let's hope he's a nice guy and doing it for love. Nevertheless, the guy's face gives me the impression that he 's an evil fortune hunting psycho with murder on the mind.

Let’s hope he’s a nice guy and doing it for love. Nevertheless, the guy’s face gives me the impression that he ‘s an evil fortune hunting psycho with murder on the mind.

30. Hmmm….seems like the best man should know where his hands don’t belong.

I don't know about you, but I'm sure that only the groom should be allowed to have his hands on the bride's thighs. Let's just hope the best man had too much to drink at the bachelor party, shall we?

I don’t know about you, but I’m sure that only the groom should be allowed to have his hands on the bride’s thighs. Let’s just hope the best man had too much to drink at the bachelor party, shall we? If not, this can get a bit awkward.

31. They wanted a horse and buggy but this was the only thing they could get with their budget.

Now the pony is quite cute I have to admit. However, seeing an old guy in short shorts, not so much.

Now the pony is quite cute I have to admit. However, seeing an old guy in short shorts, not so much.

32. May your marriage bring new life into the world around you.

Cemeteries are supposed to be nice public parks where you visit your deceased loved ones. So posing for wedding photos there would make sense. However,  make sure you're in a place where there's not a bunch of graves in view. That could have some crazy implications.

Cemeteries are supposed to be nice public parks where you visit your deceased loved ones. So posing for wedding photos there would make sense. However, make sure you’re in a place where there’s not a bunch of graves in view. That could have some crazy implications.

33. Of course, when you got to go, you got to go. And we all should be aware that little boys have very small bladders.

Well, at least the ring bearer didn't go on that woman's skirt. But I wonder if anyone in this photo seems to notice other than the person taking the picture.

Well, at least he didn’t go on that woman’s skirt. But I wonder if anyone in this photo seems to notice other than the person taking the picture.

34. While uncorked champagne is supposed to flow with bubbles, sometimes it tends to explode and shoot up like Old Faithful.

Seems like this groom more likely expected to have champagne in his glass instead of all over his hands. I guess he's asking,

Seems like this groom more likely expected to have champagne in his glass instead of all over his hands. I guess he’s asking, “Son a bitch! How the fuck do you stop this thing?”

35. At a lot receptions, bouquet catching is a combat sport.

Because like any variety of sport, bouquet catching brings you the drama of athletic competition from the thrill of victory to the agony of defeat. Seriously, it's just a stupid bouquet, nothing to get all worked up about.

Because like any variety of sport, bouquet catching brings you the drama of athletic competition from the thrill of victory to the agony of defeat. Seriously, it’s just a stupid bouquet, nothing to get all worked up about. Besides, the little girl is too young for the bouquet catching anyway. But she could be just practicing.

36. Hope they’re not serving pork or BBQ ribs at this reception or else Chris P. Bacon may go on a murderous rampage.

Then again, perhaps we should hope for the best, such as the notion that these people are Jewish. Thus, in that case, at least everything will be kosher.

Then again, perhaps we should hope for the best, such as the notion that these people are Jewish. Thus, in that case, at least everything will be kosher.

37, Hey, the groom is supposed to cut the cake, not the bride!

Of course, this is probably a joke. Then again, the guy seems to really enjoy holding the knife, perhaps a little too much.

Of course, this is probably a joke. Then again, the guy seems to really enjoy holding the knife, perhaps a little too much. I’d look out for him if I were you.

38. In the 1970s, white tuxedos for grooms were all the rage.

At this point, Jerry was at a critical crossroads in his life in which he had the choice between his dead end job as a bartender at a disco club or working in porn.

At this point, Jerry was at a critical crossroads in his life in which he had the choice between his dead end job as a bartender at a disco club or working in porn.

39. In Russia, you can get a ride on a giant swan on your wedding day.

I'm sure this is photoshopped. If not, then it could be fair to say that this is a radioactive swan from Chernoblyl. Yeah, a lot of strange stuff going on there.

I’m sure this is photoshopped. If not, then it could be fair to say that this is a radioactive swan from Chernoblyl. Yeah, a lot of strange stuff going on there.

40. To save funds, Lindsey decided that she and her bridal party would make their dresses from a bunch of torn curtains.

Well, on the bright side, at least they could save money on the flowers. Still, these patterns are far out, man. Yeah, maybe floral patterns aren't great for bridesmaid dresses.

Well, on the bright side, at least they could save money on the flowers. Still, these patterns are far out, man. Yeah, maybe floral patterns aren’t great for bridesmaid dresses.

41. He’s got his whole wife in his hands.

And the little woman doesn't seem too happy about it. Bet this is the wedding picture from the photo album of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk. How they manage to have an active sex life, I'll never know.

And the little woman doesn’t seem too happy about it. Bet this is the wedding picture from the photo album of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk. How they manage to have an active sex life, I’ll never know.

42. A wedding photo at the aquarium seems like a magical idea. What can possibly go wrong with that?

I think the two of them found the perfectly wrong place to kiss for a wedding picture. Really, near the shark tank? That's not romantic.

I think the two of them found the perfectly wrong place to kiss for a wedding picture. Really, near the shark tank? That’s not romantic. Also seems like she’s kissing the shark.

43. Nothing makes a happy Russian wedding than playing your accordion and trumpet near a statue of Vladimir Lenin.

As to what connection Vladimir Lenin is to Russian weddings, accordions, and trumpets is beyond me. Seriously, Lenin was a Bolshevik revolutionary who turned Imperial Russia into the USSR while weddings are basically a whole capitalist industry targeted to the bourgeoisie.

As to what connection Vladimir Lenin is to Russian weddings, accordions, and trumpets is beyond me. Seriously, Lenin was a Bolshevik revolutionary who turned Imperial Russia into the USSR while weddings are basically a whole capitalist industry targeted to the bourgeoisie.

44. “Oh, my God, get a room, people!”

Someone doesn't seem to tolerate excessive public displays of affection, even at weddings. Perhaps they need to save the nasty stuff for the honeymoon.

Someone doesn’t seem to tolerate excessive public displays of affection, even at weddings. Perhaps they need to save the nasty stuff for the honeymoon.

45. Of course, when it comes to wedding photos, hand placement is everything.

Now this is a way to embarrass your kids on their special day. Seriously, why can't the parents just save that touching for the bedroom, where it belongs?

Now this is a way to embarrass your kids on their special day. Seriously, why can’t the parents just save that touching for the bedroom, where it belongs?

46. Now this bridegroom is so happy that he just can’t keep his hands off her.

Yeah, boy, you can touch your wife's breast later. But for now as long as they appear in public, the boobies are off limits.

Yeah, boy, you can touch your wife’s breast later. But for now as long as they appear in public, the boobies are off limits.

47. The girl who catches the bouquet is said to be the next to get married. The girl who catches the cat is said to remain perpetually single for the rest of her life.

Either way, the ladies seem to be just as excited for some reason. Still, I really feel for the girl who gets the cat. She'll probably have a bad case of literal cat scratch fever (but fortunately, not the type Ted Nugent sings about).

Either way, the ladies seem to be just as excited for some reason. Still, I really feel for the girl who gets the cat. She’ll probably have a bad case of literal cat scratch fever (but fortunately, not the type Ted Nugent sings about).

48. “John, why didn’t you tell me about you and Larry?”

I don't know about you, but I think that this bridegroom has some explaining to do. Well, if it is what I think it is, at least she now knows what she may be getting into. Then again, he might go both ways.

I don’t know about you, but I think that this bridegroom has some explaining to do. Well, if it is what I think it is, at least she now knows what she may be getting into. Then again, he might go both ways.

49. Though it’s always in sickness and in health, the couple who works out together, stays together.

Now I know that exercise is important to a healthy lifestyle. But really, working out in your wedding clothes? That's not  very practical.

Now I know that exercise is important to a healthy lifestyle. But really, working out in your wedding clothes? That’s not very practical.

50. For their wedding Jason and Becca decided to go for a real ring bearer.

Four year old boys to carry rings? Gah! They have a black bear. Of course, having a black bear carry jewelry down the aisle does run the risk of having some of the guests eaten alive during the ceremony. Also, most churches don't allow pets, let alone wild animals for God's sake. Okay, maybe 4 year old ring bearers aren't such a bad idea.

Four year old boys to carry rings? Gah! They have a black bear. Of course, having a black bear carry jewelry down the aisle does run the risk of having some of the guests eaten alive during the ceremony. Also, most churches don’t allow pets, let alone wild animals for God’s sake. Okay, maybe 4 year old ring bearers aren’t such a bad idea.

51. Nothing makes a bride happier than her cigarette and machine gun.

If her husband were smart, he'd be sure to keep it in his pants. Because let's just say, I wouldn't mess with a bride holding a weapon as we've all learned from Kill Bill.

If her husband were smart, he’d be sure to keep it in his pants. Because let’s just say, I wouldn’t mess with a bride holding a weapon as we’ve all learned from Kill Bill.

52. Grab your pitchforks, sticks, and cameras, for there’s a wedding on the midst.

For one, I have no idea why a scene like this is even necessary. Second, I don't know why the pig is in this. Seriously, why?

For one, I have no idea why a scene like this is even necessary. Second, I don’t know why the pig is in this. Seriously, why?

53. With this Russian couple, it’s till death or murder do they part.

Nevertheless, I think the groom has the short end of the stick in this since he has a little dagger. The bride on the other hand, has a military grade gun with a silencer. So I think he better be nice to his wife from now on.

Nevertheless, I think the groom has the short end of the stick in this since he has a little dagger. The bride on the other hand, has a military grade gun with a silencer. So I think he better be nice to his wife from now on.

54. Seems like Tanya has caught herself a husband.

Now I'm sure this is a joke given that the Russians have a sick sense of humor. But abduction is a terrible way to find love and even if you are successful, the other person is bound to hate you.

Now I’m sure this is a joke given that the Russians have a sick sense of humor. But abduction is a terrible way to find love and even if you are successful, the other person is bound to hate you. Still, love the guy being tied and blindfolded in the car who seems to squirm their way to the chapel.

55. “Honey, I’m beginning to think we shouldn’t have booked our wedding at Jurassic Park.”

So remember, kids, dinosaurs may be awesome in their own right and it's perfectly fine to like them. But please, when you get married, don't book your wedding at Jurassic Park for you don't want to spend your wedding night in a stomach of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

So remember, kids, dinosaurs may be awesome in their own right and it’s perfectly fine to like them. But please, when you get married, don’t book your wedding at Jurassic Park for you don’t want to spend your wedding night in a stomach of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

56. “I’ll just make it look like an accident like an auto erotic asphyxiation mishap. No one will ever know.”

Vladimir should've known that Valentina was a notorious strangling Black Widow and only married him for the money. But he seemed to enjoy the strangling way too much to care.

Vladimir should’ve known that Valentina was a notorious strangling Black Widow and only married him for the money. But he seemed to enjoy the strangling way too much to care.

57. Ah, weddings, great times for couples of all kinds. And it seems like the dogs are taking to each other, too.

Yes, two dogs humping each other can really ruin an idyllic, fairy tale wedding photo. And they really don't give a shit if you have to see it. Really, they have no conception of privacy.

Yes, two dogs humping each other can really ruin an idyllic, fairy tale wedding photo. And they really don’t give a shit if you have to see it. Really, they have no conception of privacy. Of course, this is a probably a great time for these two to ask each other whether their pets have been spayed or neutered.

58. This wedding was brought to you by the penguins of Madagascar.

As to what the hell the penguins of Madagascar have with weddings, I have no idea. But apparently, the Russians might have the answer, somewhat. Still, probably would've been a conventional wedding photo without the magic of photoshop.

As to what the hell the penguins of Madagascar have with weddings, I have no idea. But apparently, the Russians might have the answer, somewhat. Still, probably would’ve been a conventional wedding photo without the magic of photoshop.

59. “Ivan, it’s lovely, but will it fit in our living room?”

I'm sure photoshop had something to do with putting the limo in there. Or else, the building would've been totally obliterated. Still, don't ask me why this couple thought it was a good idea.

I’m sure photoshop had something to do with putting the limo in there. Or else, the building would’ve been totally obliterated. Still, don’t ask me why this couple thought it was a good idea.

60. “Help, it’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!”

When the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man crashes and wreaks havoc at your wedding, who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!

When the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man crashes and wreaks havoc at your wedding, who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!

61. Just give him a few minutes and close the door, lady.

I'm not sure why they opted for an outhouse scene. But when a guy's gotta go, he's gotta go. Also, even if he has a wide stance, he should still shut the damn door while he's doing his business.

I’m not sure why they opted for an outhouse scene. But when a guy’s gotta go, he’s gotta go. Also, even if he has a wide stance, he should still shut the damn door while he’s doing his business.

62. There she goes, going where no bride has gone before.

Okay, there's no way in hell that I could take this picture seriously. I mean the bride basically has rocket thrusters on her dress. This is just crazy.

Okay, there’s no way in hell that I could take this picture seriously. I mean the bride basically has rocket thrusters on her dress. This is just crazy.

63. Seems like the drones and planes came in just in time for the reception. Now the rampaging T-Rex is under control.

Seriously, what's the deal with dinosaurs and explosions in wedding photos? Still, the moral of this is probably don't book your wedding at Jurassic Park, even during during the winter.

Seriously, what’s the deal with dinosaurs and explosions in wedding photos? Still, the moral of this is probably don’t book your wedding at Jurassic Park, even during during the winter.

64. “So, Stanislav, you want to marry my daughter? Let’s check your portfolio.”

I suppose this is the Russian version of Meet the Parents. And no, I don't think it's a comedy. Also, the older man kind of looks like Vladimir Putin which is even more disturbing.

I suppose this is the Russian version of Meet the Parents. And no, I don’t think it’s a comedy. Also, the older man kind of looks like Vladimir Putin which is even more disturbing.

65. Nothing says, “honeymoon” like riding the waves on an amphibious vehicle.

For one, I'm sure the car is not amphibious. Second, I'm sure a tidal wave will ruin it along with the flowers and the couple's clothes. Third, I'm very sure this is photoshop. Nevertheless, don't me why these two thought a photo like this was a good idea.

For one, I’m sure the car is not amphibious. Second, I’m sure a tidal wave will ruin it along with the flowers and the couple’s clothes. Third, I’m very sure this is photoshop. Nevertheless, don’t me why these two thought a photo like this was a good idea.

66. In Texas, it’s sometimes the custom to have the bride and groom ride on a mechanical bull.

Of course, they better ride it easy, especially if they plan to have any children. Because such activities may "hurt his chances of being a daddy," as my dad would always say.

Of course, they better ride it easy, especially if they plan to have any children. Because such activities may “hurt his chances of being a daddy,” as my dad would always say.

67. Some couples tend to have their wedding photos modeled after famous paintings. Wonder what can go wrong with that?

Ophelia, seriously? There's nothing romantic about that. I mean in Hamlet she's basically a smitten teenage girl who's in love with a guy who may or may not care too shits about her, goes mad, and drowns herself in the river. Maybe stick to Romeo and Juliet or Othello. Oh, wait.

Ophelia, seriously? There’s nothing romantic about that. I mean in Hamlet she’s basically a smitten teenage girl who’s in love with a guy who may or may not care too shits about her, goes mad, and drowns herself in the river. Maybe stick to Romeo and Juliet or Othello. Oh, wait.

68. Seems like the Russian mob caught up to them before they ever made it to the reception.

Seriously, what the hell? Not many newly married couples make out in trunks for God's sake. And what's that flower girl doing here overlooking the scene?

Seriously, what the hell? Not many newly married couples make out in trunks for God’s sake. And what’s that flower girl doing here overlooking the scene?

69. Nothing makes a wedding better than a shark with a badass swordsman rising out of a lake.

Okay, if I were there during a wedding reception, I'd be freaking out and soaking my pants, possibly shitting them. I mean it's not normal.  But none of them seem very  upset or fleeing for their lives. In fact, they seem rather in awe.

Okay, if I were there during a wedding reception, I’d be freaking out and soaking my pants, possibly shitting them. I mean it’s not normal. But none of them seem very upset or fleeing for their lives. In fact, they seem rather in awe.

70. “Let’s play a game like dueling pistols or Russian roulette.”

Sure she may be a blushing bride. But having her smile as she points a gun to her head, well, I have to wonder about her state of mind. I mean does she have a death wish or something worse.

Sure she may be a blushing bride. But having her smile as she points a gun to her head, well, I have to wonder about her state of mind. I mean does she have a death wish or something worse.

71. While Jesus Christ was said to walk on water, this bride manages to run via a motor in her dress.

This was made possible by the magic of photoshop, which explains why she's not soak and wet by now. Also, explains leaving a stream of water akin to a motorboat.

This was made possible by the magic of photoshop, which explains why she’s not soak and wet by now. Also, explains leaving a stream of water akin to a motorboat.

72. “Have to be home by midnight, so here’s my glass slipper if you want to find me.”

Is it just me or is this basically the skankiest rendition of Cinderella I've ever seen? Seriously, the lights seem like they're from a rave and the bride seems to be dressed like a streetwalker. But at least the pumpkin coach is equipped with a state-of-the-art sound system.

Is it just me or is this basically the skankiest rendition of Cinderella I’ve ever seen? Seriously, the lights seem like they’re from a rave and the bride seems to be dressed like a streetwalker. But at least the pumpkin coach is equipped with a state-of-the-art sound system.

73. Nothing makes your wedding more of a blast than making a photo a scene from Transformers.

If I saw a wedding photo like this at someone's house, I'd question their taste in either wedding photography or movies. Seriously, it would've been fine the way it was without the photoshop. I mean why?

If I saw a wedding photo like this at someone’s house, I’d question their taste in either wedding photography or movies. Seriously, it would’ve been fine the way it was without the photoshop. I mean why?

74. When you find your angel, always have her weighed down with a lock and chain so she doesn’t escape from your clutches.

Now I'm sure a golden lock like that will certainly do the trick. Actually I'm being sarcastic. Still, the wings look fake.

Now I’m sure a golden lock like that will certainly do the trick. Actually I’m being sarcastic. Still, the wings look fake. Like photoshopped fake.

75. “Looking for your handsome prince. Too bad, I’ve already shot him and have him in my pocket. So you must marry me now.”

Then again, to be fair, the frog from the Frog Prince story was actually kind of a jerk who thought that the princess owed him sex just because he did something nice for her. Maybe she should settle for the archer instead.

Then again, to be fair, the frog from the Frog Prince story was actually kind of a jerk who thought that the princess owed him sex just because he did something nice for her. Maybe she should settle for the archer instead.

76. To save his true love from the evil dragon and other beasts, Dimitri comes to the rescue with his rope, sword, shield, and military grade weapons.

At least this guy thinks of everything, even the roses. Still, seems like someone's a bit too into either video games or D&D.

At least this guy thinks of everything, even the roses. Still, seems like someone’s a bit too into either video games, BDSM, D&D, or all three.

77. “Shit, this fucking Everlast chastity belt is a fucking pain to get off!”

I'm not sure if that's actually a chastity belt (which it probably isn't nor would I encourage anyone to wear one), but it makes a great caption. Nevertheless, you should be careful with power tools, just saying.

I’m not sure if that’s actually a chastity belt (which it probably isn’t nor would I encourage anyone to wear one), but it makes a great caption. Nevertheless, you should be careful with power tools, just saying.

78. Sorry, lady, but nobody’s safe from the winged groom who will take you to his secret lair.

Apparently, Russians seem to find this quite funny. However, I think the concept of abduction is love is disturbing and think it's hysterical because of bad photoshop.

Apparently, Russians seem to find this quite funny. However, I think the concept of abduction is love is disturbing and think it’s hysterical because of bad photoshop.

79. Here’s a portrait of a beautiful bride. Wonder what can go wrong with that.

Unfortunately, the photographer forgot to take note of the outhouse in the background. Really doesn't make for a touching photo does it? I mean outhouses are simply disgusting chambers of stink and waste you can't flush down.

Unfortunately, the photographer forgot to take note of the outhouse in the background. Really doesn’t make for a touching photo does it? I mean outhouses are simply disgusting chambers of stink and waste you can’t flush down.

80. If you’re tired of too many takes in a wedding photo, it doesn’t hurt putting a cardboard cutout of yourself in your place.

Uh, yeah, it does. Seriously, the flatness is very noticeable. Besides, not all of us have a cutout version of ourselves anyway.

Uh, yeah, it does. Seriously, the flatness is very noticeable. Besides, not all of us have a cutout version of ourselves anyway. Because it’s kind of crazy.