The Patchwork World of Quilts

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 31, 2016

My aunt made this quilt herself before she gave it to me one Christmas. Here I have it draped on a chair for this post.

Now that winter’s here, it’s not unusual for anyone to curl up with a warm blanket from time to time. Many times people would prefer a quilt, comforter, or a coverlet on their bed. How a quilt differs from other blankets is that it’s usually composed of 3 layers of fabric or fiber. These traditionally consisted of a woven top cloth, a layer of batting or wadding, and a woven back combined sewing these 3 layers together. Occasionally, they could be tied together with knots. While quilts have usually been used as bedcovers functional or otherwise, they’re also frequently displayed as decorative works of art. And if you look on Pinterest or this post, you’ll surely see what I’m talking about. Though the top layer on the quilt usually has the most decoration which could be a pattern of stitching or a patchwork pattern like the one above. And sometimes they could be seen to serve another non-functional purposes like the AIDS Memorial Quilt that lists the names of people who lost their lives to HIV. Yet, you can see many in museums and at craft festivals throughout the year. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you an assortment of crazy and amazing quilts.

Why stick with a pattern when you can stick with a color scheme.

And I guess this is in a rainbow scheme. Well, the patterns are certainly pretty.

2. With this quilt, you can be transported to Moulin Rouge.

However, we should note that these women wore split crotch underwear (and not for sexual purposes either). So you can see why that dance was considered obscene in the 19th century.

3. For quilting, the more colors the better.

And does this sure dazzle. No, you’re not on drugs. But I really love this pattern.

4. How about some time on the beach?

Of course, you wouldn’t want to bring a quilt to a beach. But this is surely an incredible quilting landscape to behold.

5. These woodland creatures are all in funky colors.

Well, I won’t just feature quilts on here. This is a table runner. Still, like the squirrel.

6. This African quilt seems like it’s straight from the Savannah.

Hey, quilting isn’t just a European thing. Still, you have to admire the dazzling work on this. The twig for display is perfect.

7. Make sure you keep your flowers dry.

Uh, I think you don’t need an umbrella for the flowers. Because they’d need the water anyway. Unless you live in an area that always rains.

8. Spirals and stars, a great quilt they always make.

Another quilt in a rainbow color scheme. But this one is in a star configuration.

9. One can never have too many things on one big bookshelf.

Well, this one has a lot of books with toys in between. Got to keep it quaint and adorable.

10. A quilter’s patchwork home is her castle.

Well, this is certainly a quilter’s castle here. So stunning and so lovely. And it seems someone fell into the moat.

11. There’s nothing more beautiful than a desert sunrise.

Except possibly a desert sunset. But you have to admire how it almost looks like a painting. But yes, it’s a quilt.

12. Every quilting square can always have its unique pattern.

I guess this one uses floral and trees. Not sure if it’s for summer or fall. Might go either way.

13. During the summer, a gardener’s work is never done.

Well, this one has a lot of summer motifs. Love the flower bouquet.

14. There’s always more to these rolling hills.

Yes, this is another quilting landscape. But this one makes it more apparent if you look at the sky.

15. Only a waterfall can remind you of tranquility.

Now this one almost looks like a painting you’d almost see in a museum. But yes, it’s a quilt if you zoom in more. Beautiful.

16. You wouldn’t believe the kind of birds on these trees.

You wouldn’t believe the kind of leaves either. Love the blue owl and flowers.

17. Mind if I play a game of Tetris?

Okay, Tetris is a computer game. But you can easily see why it makes an ideal quilting subject.

18. If you like the minions then you’ll fall in love with this mini quilt.

Or maybe not, if you find them annoying. But still, these are quite adorable. So cute.

19. Be the master of your domain with this regal quilt tapestry.

This one even depicts a fire breathing blue dragon. Not sure about the sun and moon fabric though.

20. Always keep your border stars in a loop.

Especially when it pertains to rainbows like in this one. Still, I’m not sure if I can get enough of these.

21. This bookshelf looks so antique.

I know it’s another bookshelf quilt. But this one seems more suited for a study.

22. Here we come across a sunset at a pond.

Or is it a pond? It’s so hard to tell the difference between the two, Then again, it could be a marsh. Nevertheless, it’s stunning.

23. One roll of film can preserve so many memories.

But not as much as a digital camera. And you can’t do a quilt pertaining to that.

24. Guess this is quite a whimsical neighborhood.

Well, this seems like it’s straight out of a Dr. Seuss acid trip. But it’s surely adorable.

25. I guess this is one quilter’s tribute to Japan.

Because we have Mount Fuji, a red rising sun, and Godzilla. The Godzilla is a biggest giveaway.

26. In this quilt, all the animals are in their proper place.

This one has an interesting barn window scheme. But at least the dog is in the forefront.

27. With flower fabrics who knows what kind of patchwork you’d make.

This one uses flowers in an interesting flower wreath. Love it.

28. What wonders you can make with triangles and squares.

Yes, this is another rainbow pattern. But this one uses thin triangle and checker rings to form a star.

29. You never know what kind of stuff you’ll find under the sea.

Though you may not find mermaids you’d find on this quilt. Because mermaids are only found in myths and fantasy.

30. You can have so many photographs and memories on one bookshelf.

And yes, the photographs can really take up space. Still, this is quite lovely for a quilt design.

31. It always takes a lot of colors to make a sky at dusk.

And this one uses plenty that it seems a bit surreal. But you can surely tell it’s a quilt for sure.

32. These sunflowers always thrive in the light.

This one also uses a lot of patchwork for its background. But it’s more apparent when you see some of the fabric patterns.

33. You always have to love it when the sun breaks out in the forest.

Yes, you may think it’s a painting. But it’s a quilt and a damn beautiful one at that.

34. There’s no bigger statement for peace on earth than this.

Sure it may be a rainbow peace sign that you’d associate with hippies. But each square on this has a unique pinwheel pattern.

35. Morning glories always look lovely in the moonlight.

Wait, a minute, morning glories don’t bloom at night. But it’s still beautiful nonetheless.

36. Birds in the winter snow are always a sight to see.

And here we come to birds at the feeder. Hope the cardinals and the blue jays can watch out for the owls.

And here we come to birds at the feeder. Hope the perching birds can watch out for the owls.

37. This quilt will surely be a sewer’s delight.

Well, this is just full of quilting stuff. But I’m sure die hard quilters would enjoy it.

38. Here we are gathered with women by the lake.

This one is done by some artist. But at least this one pays attention to diversity. Well, sort of.

39. Isn’t it a wonder to behold a mountain and rolling hills?

This one uses all kinds of fabric for a painting effect. Not sure about the lone trees standing.

40. Bask in the glory of the animals of Africa.

This one surely has a lot of squares dedicated to animals in Africa. Love the background.

41. Guess the Seven Dwarves are engaging in the Seven Deadly Sins.

Yes, the dwarves surely have a naughty side to them. But then again, greed is kind of understandable since they work in a mine.

42. There’s nothing stunning like a canyon waterfall in autumn.

Well, it certainly looks like it. Sure it seems like a painting. But you can easily see the stitching if you look close enough.

43. A spring garden is always in its glory in May.

Because an April garden looks like shit since it’s early spring and rains a lot. Love the flowers though.

44. The sun’s energy brings nature’s bounty.

As you can see within the embroidered strips. All in all, this is beautiful.

45. A shelf should always be filled with memories.

This one even includes photos possibly translated from computer to fabric. One even includes the 3 Stooges.

46. A tree can have leaves of so many colors.

And I’m not just talking about fall colors either. Since this includes pink and blue, too.

47. A flower bouquet could fit in any basket.

Well, they sure have a wide variety of styles. Can’t exactly say which one is the prettiest.

48. Sometimes with patterns it helps to start small.

I’m not sure if minimalistic is the way to go. But, hey, whatever works.

49. A moon phase quilt brings in the glory of the night.

Well, this one surely has the moon phases and the dark sky. Love the snowflake stars.

50. If you love pansies, then you’ll enjoy this quilted heart.

Love the floral background on this. Like especially how all the flowers in this wreath are purple, too.

51. These women look stunning in their patchwork dresses.

Didn’t know you can do sophisticated folk art on a quilt, did you? Still, I don’t think they’ll conform to the ball dress code.

52. A coral reef is beaming with ocean life and color.

However, be aware that climate change has wiped out a lot of reefs through coral bleaching. So a scene like this may not be around in a few decades.

53. One quilt can always consist of a variety of patterns.

Maybe not in this case. But I do love the colors on this. Great for any modern style apartment.

54. Autumn leaves always bring fall into the air.

Love the rainbow background squares. Since most of the leaves on here are brown, yellow, and orange.

55. With strips of fabric you can make your own sensational flower.

And each petal is unique in its own way. Love this style.

56. A quilt like this always carries a rustic touch.

This one features farms as you can see. Not sure what to think about the dome one though. Such an unusual shape.

57. Check out this quilted mountain majesty.

This one even has blue flowers on a hillside. Love the background though.

58. A forest can always look glorious in the sunrise.

Well, it certainly seems like the kind you’d see in a painting. Love how they used different pieces of fabric for the hills.

59. A quilt like this shows Africa is a true carnival of animals.

This one has the kind of animals you’d see on the Savannah. And yes, a lot of these are on the Endangered Species list.

60. Bet you’ve never seen a canyon like this before.

And I’m not kidding. Love how the sun is on the face. Love the river.

61. There’s nothing fun like rainbow spirals.

Well, that’s an interesting configuration. Love the design. Sure to be a real winner.

62. You have to love how a full moon looks in a frozen river.

Then again, the water may not be frozen. But you have to love this one, especially when it pertains to the moonlight.

63. Now this is what I call patchwork in modern art.

And she seems to be holding a snake. Still, if Picasso did quilting, he’d probably do something like this.

64. You can even get a more colorful array with a few more trimmings.

This one an improvement on a previous quilt. Love the rainbow scheme as always.

65. A landscape quilt like this is nothing but a stunner.

Well, it seems to be of the plains. And as someone from western Pennsylvania, it looks rather flat.

66. Never saw a necktie maze before.

Yes, some quilters use neckties for their projects. After all, it’s just another piece of fabric.

67. If you like Japanese art, this quilt is just for you.

The female figures are a dead giveaway. Love the scenery.

68. A blue heron is a glorious bird on a quilted tapestry.

This one even uses strips of cloth to show the scenery. Lovely.

69. There’s nothing more quaint than a village on a hill.

Well, you’d never see a colorful village like this. But it doesn’t hurt to dream.

70. A small honey pot can come in so many colors.

Doesn’t hurt that each one is shaped like a bear. But c’mon multicolored honey, please.

71. It’s always amazing what you’d find in the ocean.

This one is also quite stylized. But it’s quite a cool quilt to look at. Love it.

72. You can always find a lot of fancy fans.

Each of them has their unique design. Love the purple background and floral patterns especially.

73. There’s nothing like this quilt that pays tribute to the 4 seasons.

Well, as far as personifications go. Honestly, I think this quilter might’ve been on acid.

74. It’s almost as if you can see the plants talking.

Okay, maybe not like this. Yet, I kind of find this amusing and disturbing at the same time.

75. You can always use different patterns to create a picture.

Sure it might make your eyes sore. But it represents an interesting configuration that I just had to include it.

76. This canyon waterfall is always a wondrous sight.

This is so lovely. Guess it could be some kind of oasis in the desert. Or the Grand Canyon.

77. There’s nothing more idyllic than an old mill and bridge.

Well, it surely looks like a painting. But it was a real patchwork to bring it together.

78. You can never lay your eyes on something as stunning as a redwood forest.

Of course, this is probably a quilt depicting some place out west that will probably be damaged by wild fire. Because I know they don’t see as much rainfall there.

79. You can make a geometric scene with so many small shapes.

Doesn’t hurt if it’s in rainbow. Love how all the colors all come together.

80. Nothing beats the view of this seaside mountain town.

Love the beautiful sunset of the mountain. Heard this is from somewhere in the northwest.

81. Hope you can gaze on this patchwork octopus.

The octopus doesn’t seemed stitched on at all. Like the water and tentacles.

82. This tree only seems swept by the wind.

Guess this is an autumn tree since it barely has any leaves. But it’s surely captured moving in the wind’s direction.

83. There’s nothing so magnificent like crashing waves.

This is especially so during a sunset. Love the rocky beach and the tide.

84. Pansies can always be pretty in patchwork.

And I’m sure not kidding here. Almost seems like it’s coming together. Love the purple flowers though.

85. Each quilting square here has its own North American bird.

Of course, this is a winter scene as you see. Like how some of them are couples with families.

86. A quilt like this surely gives you butterflies.

After all, this quilt features butterflies in so many colors. None of which you’d find in real life.

87. You never know what you’d find under the sea.

Sure it can look like a thriving place in some areas. But you have to mind the plastic, the bleaching, and ocean acidification.

88. I’m sure you’d find this quilted robot particularly badass.

Who says quilts had to be boring? This robot even has spikes. Don’t want to get near that.

89. Here we come to a mountain range during a spring melt.

Well, that sure seems like a lovely scene. Hope not to see something like this until March.

90. With so many diamonds and other pieces, you can make a real patchwork star.

And boy, does this look stunning? Love the pieces on this. Though it’s not as easy on the eyes.

91. Now this is a quilt you’d want on a camping trip.

And yes, this is a camping quilt. Love the camping shelter and campers.

92. How about a magical winter snow scene?

As you see, this is from the mountains. Love the purple mountains majesty and the trees.

93. This cross quilt is surely a holy sight.

Well, you can easily say that Christianity is its own patchwork. Still, make sure it doesn’t touch the floor.

94. A quilt like this can bring sweet music to Old McDonald.

Ant it seems like Old McDonald gave his livestock acid. That’s why the sheep are all different colors.

95. All life always dwarfs around a tree.

Though it’s not without showing the fruits and flowers of nature. Like the birds, too.

96. When you look around the birds and the trees can be all kinds of colors.

Now that’s quite a sight to see. The leaves are just as colorful as the birds on this one.

97. It’s always peaceful near a quiet river.

Though quiet rivers do have their moments occasionally. But this seems simply serene.

98. A bouquet of flowers should always stand out on the quilted tapestry.

This one even has a cat and an arch with vines. But the roses are gorgeous.

99. Any quilt always has to be as pretty as a peacock.

This one seems quite flashy with embroidery and silk. But I adore it nevertheless.

100. There’s nothing like a sunset between 2 trees.

And yes, this is certainly a sight for any photo or painting. But it’ll sure melt your heart as much it’ll warm your body.

The Squeaky Clean World of Shower Curtains

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 29, 2016

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Shower curtains provide a critical purpose in the bathroom. First, they help ensure privacy when one is in the shower (assuming that one’s not transparent like the one above). Second, they keep the water coming from the shower from splashing everywhere in the bathroom. Of course, it’s no surprise that many shower curtains are made from waterproof materials like vinyl or plastic. At my house, there’s a shower curtain with 2 layers that consist of a thinner decorative one as well as a plastic one designed to keep the water. And you have to make sure the inner white layer goes into the tub. At any rate, most shower curtains usually have a plain, geometric, or ocean design. Sometimes they’re clear plastic like this one above as well. But though I can go all about showing the great shower curtains, you’ll most likely be bored to tears. So instead, I’ll devote this post to some of the crazy ones. Many of these might consist of shower curtains you’d want but know that it would not go well with the guests or the children.Then again, there may be other reasons. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you an assortment of some of the great curtains for your bathroom.

There’s nothing more badass than a bear on top of a shark.

Helps that the bear is standing upright on a tidal wave with an assault rifle. This is hilarious.

2. Who’s that coming from the shower?

I’m sure this is from a horror movie of some sort. But yes, it looks kind of scary. Guaranteed to help guests with constipation.

3. A shower curtain like this shows us the wonders of the universe.

I bet any money that Dr. Neil Degrasse Tyson has a shower curtain like this in his bathroom. Or he’d want to have one like this.

4. As we all know, unicorns always have rainbows coming from their butt.

If you’re a demented girl that enjoys cutesy fantasy stuff and bathroom jokes, I have your answer. Seriously, you’d totally want this.

5. There’s nothing brighter in the bathroom like a curtain of neon colored giraffes.

No, this isn’t an acid trip. It’s a real shower curtain depicting neon giraffes. I’m sure if they were on the Savannah, you’d be able to see them from miles away.

6. Looks like this bathroom has a problem with zombie infestation.

Don’t worry, it’s just a zombie shower curtain. But on the bright side, it’s guaranteed to help with constipation.

7. This cat means serious business.

Here we have a kitty on a unicorn with laser eyes that shoots fire through its nostrils. Even funnier the cat carries a golden handgun. This is brilliant.

8. Remember to never stop dreaming.

Even if your dreams pertain to a pirate giraffe riding a flying shark. Okay what the fuck?

9. Here we have Jesus on the shore.

There were quite a few good Jesus ones that would’ve been funnier. But I couldn’t save them at a suitable size. So this is as good as you’re going to get on this post.

10. While Apple as the iPod, a high tech bathroom has this curtain.

It’s called the iPood. And it’s not something that you should do in the shower. Nor should the iPeed.

11. Never saw a T-Rex on a bicycle before.

Yes, I know it’s quite ridiculous. But so is the notion of Jurassic Park. And despite that many would want think bringing back dinosaurs may be awesome, we should understand why it may not be a good idea.

12. Remember the shower doesn’t double as a urinal.

Remember despite how tempting it may be, don’t pee in the shower. Shower is for cleaning. Not for taking a whizz.

13. In case you don’t know how to text pictures, this shower curtain has emoticons.

Well, emoticons are things you type to express feelings. Nowadays, emojis have made that almost antiquated.

14. My, that seems like a dignified portrait of Keith Richards.

Of course, we should all know that despite all the things he did to himself, he’s still alive. And he’s outliving so many celebrities. We can’t explain it.

15. Well, well, well, what the hell happened here?

Yes, it’s a bloody shower curtain you’d expect to find in a serial killer’s bathroom. Sure to freak out your guests and make a great Halloween decoration. Also helps with constipation.

16. Is there something burning from the tub?

$Relax, it's just a shower curtain with red flames. But where I live, it might make people think your water supply has been fracked.$

Relax, it’s just a shower curtain with red flames. But where I live, it might make people think your water supply has been fracked.

17. How about a shower curtain of the world?

Note that borders in some regions might be subject to change. This is particularly true in Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and Africa.

18. Barbie can kick a unicorn’s ass if you let her.

The unicorn can even puke a rainbow, too. Imagine that. Still, hilarious.

19. Nothing makes a guy more manly than punching a grizzly bear.

Yet, a manlier man has enough common sense to avoid one as much as possible. Because disturbing such animals has very unfortunate implications.

Yet, a manlier man has enough common sense to avoid one as much as possible, especially if it’s a mama and her cubs. Because disturbing such animals has very unfortunate implications.

20. You have to admit, this sloth really knows how to pole dance.

Not bad for an animal who only climbs out of a tree to go to the bathroom. Still, I couldn’t leave this sloth stripper out. This is just so funny as hell.

21. Don’t mind this deep sea diver feeding the fishes.

You know most animal places have rules against feeding the animals. The ocean should be no different.

22. This deep sea diver can even punch a shark.

Scratching the shark’s eye would’ve done the trick. But it wouldn’t look nearly as awesome.

23. You see, I told you rhino horns have special properties.

Okay, rhino horns may not sprout rainbows in the cosmos. But this is just too funny to miss. Love it.

24. Perhaps you might want some llama fries with that.

Well, they’re llamas in a French fry container. I know it doesn’t make sense but it’s pretty funny.

25. This cat knight rides to adventure on his noble narwhal.

I guess he rides in the water without a breathing apparatus. Still love how the cat has a bridal and saddle on the narwhal.

26. There’s nothing more beautiful than abstract clouds.

Or as I call it an acid trip. But you can see all the pretty infrared colors quite clearly.

27. Hope this T-Rex remembers to scrub its ribs.

Not sure what to think about the T-Rex skeleton in the shower. But at least it can scrub its back.

28. Remember to check for a killer in the shower before going to the bathroom.

Okay, that may not make your guests very comfortable. But it’ll sure help them with constipation.

29. Space Cat always explores and goes where no cat has gone before.

I’m sure people would like seeing a cat in an astronaut suit. Yes, it’s ridiculous. But what’s not to love?

30. Sailors might want to beware of this undead mermaid.

To be fair, mermaids weren’t originally seen as benevolent beings. And many were said to lure sailors to their doom. Just saying.

31. I believe something went wrong in this shower.

Well, this is more of a take off of a web page from Internet Explorer. Yes, this page can’t be displayed.

32. Wonder what your toothbrush and toilet roll say to each other.

Sorry, but the toilet paper is right. The toothbrush doesn’t have the worst job ever.

33. This goldfish has a brilliant disguise.

Sorry, but that’s not going to work. Then again, the goldfish could be compensating for something.

34. Jesus, it’s raining cats and dogs.

Well, in this case quite literally. Not sure if the umbrella will provide protection from that.

35. Here we come to a lovely scene of cats on the beach.

I’m sure cat lovers will go all gaga with this. I especially like the cat holding binoculars.

36. I suppose this is a poster for Moby Dick.

Yes, it’s in a Jaws poster rendition. But it involves a wooden ship and a white sperm whale.

37. Show your pride of the South with this Confederate flag shower curtain.

However, this will not make you endearing to black guests in any way, shape, or form. Seriously, such products like these show that institutional racism is alive and well in America.

38. Seems like someone’s washing windows.

Well, that’s quite clever. Not sure about depicting it a a shadow though.

39. Fans of the Empire Strikes Back would want a shower curtain of Dagobah.

However, hope that you emerge from the shower not smelling like you’ve been to Dagobah to learn the ways of the Force. Yeah, that place probably doesn’t smell great at any stretch of the imagination.

40. Enjoy the great taste of Coca Cola or blood.

Yes, that’s Janet Leigh from Psycho shortly before she’s murdered in the shower. Yeah, I know it’s demented but it’s quite unique.

41. With this shower curtain, you can go on social networking.

You can even have your profile picture on the left column. Of course, your Facebook page no longer looks like this anymore.

42. Bacon lovers will surely rejoice for this shower curtain.

Now that doesn’t make me feel clean. More like greasy beyond all recognition.

43. You might not want to go near here since there’s a crime investigation in process.

Well, that should keep people away from the shower. But it’s probably not 100% effective.

44. Now you can learn yoga poses while you’re on the toilet.

You have to wonder who makes stuff like this. Not sure if you can do all of them in the bathroom.

45. Men with facial hair might want to take this curtain to mind.

Kind of reminds me of the Mugshots game my sister and I used to play at my grandparents.’ Of course, there are some styles that aren’t recommended.

46. If you’re into chemistry, this shower curtain is just for you.

After all, it’s clearly meant for people who take any matter seriously. Or hold anything to be elemental. Yet, if you have a noble gas, feel free to let it out.

47. If you like to sing in the shower, you might like to sing in the rain.

I guess this is the iconic Gene Kelly pose from Singin’ in the Rain. Too bad he uses his umbrella as a dancing prop.

48. “Are you sure this water’s sanitary? It looks questionable to me.”

This is from Tarzan. But I’m sure you’ve probably asked that when the water doesn’t look normal.

49. Looks like we have a black bear peering from the fence.

If you see a bear like this in your neighborhood, you might want to call animal control. Because nothing good can come of this.

50. Between pizza and tacos, this kitty shouldn’t have to choose.

And it’s in a cosmos background. Still, this just goes beyond all explanation. But it’s brilliant.

51. Of course, you can always go with Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

However, we need to acknowledge that he suffered a worse fate in The Force Awakens. And I’m sure fans know what I mean by that.

52. I’m sure you’re just seeing things with this hallucination cat.

Yeah, I find a lot of cat curtains from Google Images. Yet, this one is purple with a mustache, glasses, and third eye.

53. “Ewoks roasting on an open fire.”

I know that plenty of Star Wars fans don’t like the Ewoks. And I’m one of the fans who do. Either way, I couldn’t pass this over.

54. Sometimes it always seems like a rush.

I’m sure plenty of people have been told to hurry up while doing their bathroom business. But this shadow uses a megaphone.

55. It seems that this whale is talented on French Horn.

This one is called “Whale Song.” I’m sure you can see why. And no, it’s not the whale song you’re thinking.

56. Seems like it’s bath time for the dogs.

Well, they sure look like corgis. But if this pertained to bigger dogs, you wouldn't be able to fit them in a tub.

But if this pertained to bigger dogs, you wouldn’t be able to fit them in a tub. Yet, I’m sure people would find this adorable.

57. Nothing captures the spirit of man like Rodin’s Thinker.

And here he is sitting on the toilet like a modern man. Except that he’s naked.

58. Uh, you might not want to meet that guy.

This is from the German silent horror movie Nosferatu. And let’s just say vampire Count Orlok is no Robert Pattinson.

59. It’s not every day you run into a beluga in the woods.

Of course, you might be experiencing an hallucination. Or looking at this shower curtain. If it’s the former, go see your doctor.

60. You might want to beware of Norman Bates in a dress while you’re in the shower.

Yes, this is definitely from Psycho. Without that movie, you’d surely wouldn’t have all these killer shower curtains. Get it?

61. This space bound hotdog is going where no wiener has gone before.

It’s even strapped to a rocket. Though I don’t think that’s an adequate space suit.

62. This creature in the woods is very good with the chemistry.

Yes, it’s a bear with antlers. And yes, it’s a takeoff on Breaking Bad. But at least this animal is brewing beer, not making meth.

63. As women know, telling men to put the toilet seat down is serious business.

Okay, maybe not threatening your man by knife serious. But yes, guys, if you live with a woman, always put down the seat after you pee. It’s just basic human decency.

64. To the Creature of the Black Lagoon, here’s the perfect woman for you.

I also heard she’s accepted a position in the Trump administration. I don’t know which one though but she’ll certainly feel right at home among the swamp cronies.

65. Oh, shit, not the giant sloth!

And I see the sloth clawing at the Titanic. I’m sure it won’t end well at all.

66. Unfortunately, Slothzilla made it up the Empire State Building.

I know it’s called Slozilla. But it reminds me much more of King Kong since it seems from the 1930s.

67. Looks like these llamas enjoy a starry night.

Or at least a backdrop of Starry Night by Van Gogh. Yet, they may seem silly but be on your guard.

68. Tragically, we find someone hanging on a noose.

Now this is just not in good taste. Seriously, hangings shouldn’t be acceptable motifs since they’re associated with suicide and white supremacist terrorism.

69. Even the Bard sometimes wondered about the simple things in life.

Well, if you’re dwelling to pee or not to pee, the answer is always to pee. After all, if you’re not dwelling on that, you probably don’t have to go.

70. Never thought a Steampunk snail can look so badass.

Oh, it’s a snail house. But don’t snails live in their shell? This doesn’t make sense.

71. Sometimes a sloth would give synchronized swimming a try.

Yes, I know this looks pretty ridiculous. But c’mon, synchronized swimming is a joke. So I think this is clever.

72. No, it’s not okay to peek when someone’s taking a shower.

Yeah, that’s not cool. Also, why is the girl wearing a dress?

73. It’s now Shower Time Cleanliness System.

This is a takeoff on the old Nintendo games. Still, video game nerds will love it.

74. Remember, having your cat on weed may seem awesome until it’s not.

Yet, I have to admit, this is quite amusing. The pipe and glasses speak for themselves.

75. Seems like some hottie just got out of the shower.

Though he didn’t take his towel off quite yet. But I’m sure some women would want him to. Great for Magic Mike and 300 fans.

76. Amity Island welcomes you. Oh, wait we’re closed.

Because there’s a shark in a water that’s been killing people during the summer. Chief Brody didn’t have any other option.

77. See, I told you Jesus saves.

Since he never misses the shots when he’s the goalie. However, he decided not to go with the hockey mask since he didn’t want to freak out anyone.

78. Could you think of anything cooler than a T-Rex in space?

However, we need to know that they have very short arms. Not great for reaching in zero gravity.

79. Unfortunately, Arles was no match for the Galactic Empire.

But at least it looks pretty on a starry night. This is especially true in a Van Gogh painting.

80. Hope you can keep this in mind when taking an elephant shit.

Still, doesn’t answer how you can toilet train an elephant though. But this is hysterical.

NCAA Championship Worthy College Sports Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 28, 2016

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Now that the Christmas festivities are over, it’s now time for the Bowl season that takes place around New Years. Of course, almost every sport you can think of has a playoff. But NCAA Div. I college football does things a little differently. In fact, its playoff system only consist of 4 teams. How they’re selected I have no idea and I think it’s a very stupid system. Because the NCAA Div. I college system has it that a college football team can have an undefeated season but still not be championship eligible. Then there are the bowl games, many of which don’t really mean anything unless it pertains to the Rose Bowl or whatever other bowl game whether it be the Orange Bowl, Cotton Bowl, or the Sugar Bowl. It’s confusing. Anyway, if my dad had it his way, the Div. I college championship should consist of the top team of each conference in a playoff. And I have to agree on it. Because like the Electoral College, the BCS Bowl Series and Div. I college football championship system doesn’t make any damn sense. Whereas, March Madness certainly does. At any rate, since I did NFL food posts relating to the Super Bowl, so shall I do a treat post pertaining to college sports. But college football being what it is, I won’t limit myself to playoff teams. So for your reading pleasure, I give you an assortment of college sports treats. Most of these will be from Div. I naturally.

Any fan of Ohio State would want a cake with Brutus.

Of course, he’s not the most intimidating mascot. But I’m sure OSU fans would enjoy this nonetheless.

2. If you’re for the Nittany Lions, then check out this cake of Beaver Stadium.

And I see it’s full in Happy Valley. Good luck getting tickets to Penn State this football season.

3. A lifelong Mountaineer would always appreciate a cake from WVU.

Yes, a cake of the WVU logo itself. Great for any couch burning party.

4. These Arizona State Sun Devil cookies must be obviously tempting.

Not sure why they’re called the Sun Devils? Oh, wait, it’s devilishly hot in Arizona.

5. Support your Noles with this Florida State cake.

This is for a birthday. But the logo is a perfect picture. I’m sure whoever gets this cake will love it.

6. Fans of Indiana will delight with this cake.

For some reason, Indiana University’s logo resembles the top of a trident. And I know that’s not a school that’s near any coastline.

7. These Syracuse Orange cookies will put a smile on your face.

To those who can’t wrap their heads around why a school in upstate New York has an orange for its mascot: Don’t ask me. I know it’s stupid. But I wasn’t consulted.

8. Baylor fans will fall in love with these cookies.

Sure Baylor may be a school in Texas. But at least their bear mascot makes sense to some extent. Founded before Texas was a state.

9. With this cake, Longhorn fans can just hook’ em.

Yes, Texans sure love their college football. And a cake like that illustrating this is no exception.

10. This Boston College cake surely makes the eagle soar.

You might not know this but Boston College is a Jesuit university. Secretary of State John Kerry is among its alumni.

11. For Thanksgiving, you might want to help yourself to some Michigan pumpkin pie.

Michigan University, that is. Let’s just say I ran into Michigan Christmas decorations when I was looking for Wolverine Christmas stuff for a Marvel post.

12. If your heart beats for the Crimson Tide, this cake is for you.

I guess this is for a nursing student from Alabama University. Because the elephant has a nurse hat and the heart monitor on the tier.

13. On this cake, Gators always beat Seminoles.

I guess this cake is from Florida University. Poor Seminole warrior didn’t have the chance.

14. Since everything’s bigger in Texas, check out this pizza from Texas A&M.

And when they say everything’s bigger there, they weren’t kidding. I guess this serves a party of 800.

15. For Louisville, this cake is a cardinal delight.

Since Louisville is home to the cardinals, right? And this one looks pretty mean.

16. These Georgia cookies surely go to the dogs.

After all, their mascot’s a bulldog. Wonder what occasion these cookies are for.

17. Auburn Tiger fans would always go for a cake like this.

What’s with the toilet paper tree? Do their students do this when the other team loses? I don’t understand it.

18. This Alabama cake came specially wrapped.

I’m sure this is for a birthday. Sure I know I’m showing a lot of bakery treats on here. But you have to go with what you have in this case.

19. In Texas, this Baylor cake is covered in chocolaty goodness.

I’m sure this is for a wedding. Yet, at least the bride and groom are black bears which is more what you’ll see in Texas.

20. I’m sure any fan of Mississippi State will go for these cookies.

However, we should understand that most people in Mississippi are fans of Ole’ Miss. By the way, their team mascot is also a bulldog.

21. On your dessert platter, you can always roll tide with these sugar cookies.

Yes, they’d sure be perfect for anyone at Alabama. Even the shoes and elephants.

22. You can always wow the field with this Michigan cake.

This one has the football field on the sides. Say what you want, but this is a clever design.

23. These Notre Dame cupcakes will bring you luck of the Fightin’ Irish.

These have the Notre Dame logo and shamrocks. Great for football season and Saint Patrick’s Day.

24. For Aggie fans, this Texas A&M cake will leave you with a lasting impression.

I suppose the tiger tail symbolizes them crushing Auburn. Guess they’re in the same conference.

25. These Penn State cookies will bring music to one’s ears.

I guess this is for someone in the marching band. Because the designs suggest this.

26. If you’re a fan of the University of Minnesota, then you’ll adore this cake of Goldie the Gopher.

Yes, I know Minnesota’s mascot is kind of a joke. But c’mon, gophers are persistent pests that are hard to get rid of. So yo shouldn’t underestimate them.

27. These Michigan cupcakes surely have the wolverine spirit.

Yet, they always refer to their colors as maize and blue. As if maize is a fancy name for yellow. Yeah, I know it’s ridiculous.

28. These Clemson cookies are surely delectable.

These consist of the C, paw prints, and bones. Yes, I know their mascot’s a tiger but that’s beside the point. Since Pitt beat them this year.

29. Any Wolverine fan would adore a cake of Michigan’s stadium.

Well, fans of Michigan Wolverines that is. Fans of the X-Men Wolverine, not so much.

30. Since Duke is known for their basketball team, I thought this cake was appropriate.

Well, at least a basketball court just consists of a sheet and nothing more. No stands needed here.

31. You can always show your WVU pride on chocolate chips with M&Ms.

Helps if they’re blue and gold for Mountaineers. Still, at least this one is certainly DIY.

32. If you don’t like the Sun Devils, this Arizona State cake is just the ticket.

This one even has plastic desert decorations on it. Perfect for those desert Wildcat fans.

33. If you’re a fan of George Southern, this eagle cake will suit your fancy.

There are also cookies that match. But they’re surely sold separately.

34. As you can see, this Notre Dame cake represents its school pride.

Though I’m sure the Irish might take offense with the Fightin’ Irish mascot. Still, it fits.

35. This Louisiana State bucket cake comes filled with iced shrimp and other crawdads.

After all, though LSU’s mascot is a tiger, Louisiana has a unique tradition with seafood. And this cake reflects that.

36. Fans of Tennessee might want to go with a checkered T.

Well, Tennessee University, that is which is home to the Volunteers. Though I don’t think orange and white is a good color scheme.

37. This Mississippi State cake comes in a unique basket weave.

I’m talking about the design here. And I’m sure this is for a wedding as far as I’m concerned.

38. Grace your Aggie dessert platter with these Texas A&M sugar cookies.

And I see they have a lot of cowboy and ranch stuff. After all, they’re an agricultural school.

39. These Nitany Lion cookies get 2 paws up.

Well, these have the Penn State logo and a paw print. But say what you want about Penn State, but at least they go with an original big cat mascot like the Nittany Lion. Even if it is another euphemism for cougar.

40. Any fan of Oregon would want a cake that goes to the ducks.

By that, I mean Oregon University. Like how the Oregon logo has wings though.

41. This Notre Dame cake will always give you golden Irish pride like no other.

Guess this must be one of the campus towers. And I see the angry leprechaun behind it.

42. These roaring cupcakes are brought to you from Clemson.

Still, I’m not sure if purple and orange go together. But I know they don’t look great on a tiger.

43. These Arkansas Razorback cookies are surely razor sharp in taste.

Yes, I know razorbacks are pigs. But pigs can be very nasty creatures, especially wild hogs. So I don’t chide Arkansas for their mascot.

44. This Michigan cake stadium screams blue and yellow.

Yes, it’s another Michigan stadium cake. But this one is in a different style than the last.

45. For healthier options, this Ohio State watermelon will satisfy.

I’ve found it surprisingly difficult in finding healthier college treats. This is about the best I can do.

46. If you’re a Horned Frog, you surely can’t resist this cake from TCU.

This even comes with TCU cupcakes. Though their mascot really doesn’t look like this purple frog. More like a dinosaur.

47. If you’re a fan of Oklahoma University, you might take to these cookies sooner.

You may also have to deal with constant references to the musical Oklahoma. But at least these Sooner cookies look delightful.

48. I’m sure a Texas fan will love this pyre cake.

This one is topped with an outhouse which I think is hysterical. Though it’s also disturbing since Texas has experienced a lot of wildfires lately.

49. Wolverine fans may delight in this Michigan cake.

This one has the Michigan logo in brilliant navy blue. I’m sure Wolverine fans would go blue for this as per their motto.

50. Any fan of Marshall could always enjoy a cake of Marco the Buffalo.

Their team is known as the Thundering Herd by the way. And the school was named after a Chief Supreme Court Justice. But you would remember Marshall from that one movie.

51. Go blue at your dessert platter with this Michigan cake.

Though the words “Go Blue” are in yellow. Or should I say maize as far as the fans are concerned.

52. This Notre Dame cake just has a simple shamrock touch.

Well, this one has a shamrock and the Notre Dame logo. But I’m sure Fightin’ Irish fans will love it.

53. Salute the Vols with this Tennessee fruit pizza.

This one salutes the Vols in fruit. And it’s one of the reasons why I included it on this post.

54. Fans of Nebraska might want a stadium cake like this.

Well, Nebraska is home of the Huskers which is an odd name for a team. But not surprising for a state known for agriculture.

55. These shamrock Notre Dame cookies come Fightin’ Irish approved.

Given the shamrock shape, they’re also great for Saint Patrick’s Day. Hey, I’m just being honest here.

56. These cupcakes come Nittany Lion approved.

Well, these consist of cupcakes with the Penn State logo and white pawprints. I’m sure they’ll eat these up at Happy Valley.

57. Of course, an Ohio State cake can always do with a few nuts.

Since that’s what buckeyes are, nuts. But these are probably made from icing.

58. A cake shows how one can be quite cavalier with Virginia football.

Since the University of Virginia’s team is the Cavaliers. Though the college was founded by Thomas Jefferson.

59. This Purdue cake comes in with the Boilermaker Special.

The Boilermaker Special is a train engine. And a damn good looking one at that.

60. Make your Nittany Lion party wonderful with these Penn State cake pops.

These include the Penn State flag, a football, pawprints, and the Nittany Lion head. All in all, great for the Happy Valley.

61. So is this a pig roast for Arkansas?

Actually it’s a Razorback cake that salutes Arkansas. But it’s surrounded by strawberries.

62. These covered Oreos will delight any Michigan Wolverine fan.

Each of them has the Michigan logo and 2 types of icing. Still, they look so tasty.

63. This Ohio State watermelon is a fruity delight.

Guess this is a fruit platter centerpiece. But it’s a nice carving.

64. At Texas Tech, the burgers are always made specially.

The burgers always have to have 2 T’s it seems. Yet, writing in ketchup is probably harder than it looks.

65. Don’t expect this Baylor Bear cake to be warm and fuzzy.

But I have to admire the decorator for this. Still, the bear still looks quite intimidating.

66. A WVU dessert platter should always have cookies of the state.

Helps that WVU is a treasured team in most of the state. And that it has the WVU logo.

67. Guess it’s Mardi Gras at LSU.

Then again, looking at this cake, you’d thin it is. But for all I know, it could be used for a wedding.

68. Nothing can top a party at Kansas State like this Wildcat cake.

Well, at least during football season anyway. Since it contains football motifs and there’s a stadium behind it.

69. This LSU cake is perfect for any true Tigers fan.

Helps that it’s in a fleur de lis since Louisiana has a lot of French traditions. Not sure about the tiger eye though.

70. Nobody could ever believe this Florida Gator cake.

It’s the kind of cake that looks like it wants to eat you. That’s what I’m going by with the face.

Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours on Christmas Memories (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 21, 2016

Here is me and my relatives at my Aunt Mary’s on Christmas Eve around 2011, I think. Here am I on the couch with my cousins Frank and John along with their parents. The kids in front are my cousins Jenna, Aiden, Isabella, Morgan, and Sawyer.

Yes, we all have photos from Christmas since they seem to contain memories we want to last forever. This is especially when families have children since they don’t stay kids for long. Yet, as I’ve shown before in these posts, not every Christmas goes according to plan. After all, the days leading up to it can be uniquely stressful since there’s decorating, finding gifts, making the food, doing cards, and what not.Some families might take a step further and do a family portrait for their Christmas card. And there are moments when that can go horribly wrong. Yet, there are plenty of crazy family Christmas cards which people do on purpose. Not to mention, families can also take their kids to see Santa which doesn’t always turn out that well, especially if the Santa in question is quite sketchy. At any rate, for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of Christmas memories from Awkward Family Photos. Sure you might not find these in a Hallmark stock photo deck but I’m sure they’ll make you relate.

Christmas is a time of high spirits and good cheer.

Apparently, this isn’t the case with the sisters. But the brother seems happy. Though you can argue he’s just showing off.

2. Christmas is always a time for families to get together and celebrate.

Of course, for many families, this very much reflects the holiday reality. Yeah, those kids can be a real source of stress.

3. Over the holidays, sibling rivalry can sometimes spiral out of control.

As you can see, the brother puts a bowl over the baby and the baby doesn’t like it. If you think kids were brats today, this proves you wrong.

4. Ugly Christmas sweaters are always fun and festive for all ages.

I guess this kid doesn’t believe in Santa Claus anymore. Hope he doesn’t try to disillusion the classmates who do.

5. Being single can be tough over the holidays, especially if your married siblings send a Christmas card with their picture on it.

This woman did some Christmas cards of herself for years as a single woman. They often feature alcoholic drinks. This one depicts a mannequin boyfriend.

6. Seems like they had a special day to bring pets to the mall.

Okay, bringing your dog for a Santa photoshoot is one thing. Reptiles? I’m not so sure.

7. The moment you realize that your parents forgot to buy Christmas cards this year.

Yeah, reusing Christmas cards may not be the best idea. This is especially when there’s some stuff crossed out.

8. There’s no more memorable Christmas carol like, “Hark! This Herald Angel Ain’t Gonna Sing.”

Hey, even little angels can have the occasional bad attitude sometimes. They can’t all be angelic all the time.

9. The moment you realize the family Christmas card photoshoot is taking longer than your capacity to smile.

“Do we have to take it again? Oh, brother, when will this ever end?” I’m sure we’ve all been there.

10. The war of sisterly rivalry can sometimes begin when you least expect it.

At least my parents can relax because Molly and I were never like that when we were young. Still, you have to admire the parents though.

11. These kids don’t seem to look forward to Santa’s Annual Challenge.

While the two middle kids cry, the oldest brother covers his ears to drown out the sound. The baby just sits there having no idea what’s going on and pondering the meaning of life.

12. No, I don’t think that’s the right way to hold a baby.

Yeah, the father’s hand placement really doesn’t look good here. And the baby is not amused by it at all.

13. Spending the holidays alone can be a real bummer.

This is especially when you’re spending it alone in the woods drinking. Girl’s got problems.

14. “How about we all help Daddy shave?”

Now this is freaky photoshop. Yes, they had these in the 1950s, too. Don’t ask me.

15. Sometimes it’s the most unexpected gift which you treasure the most.

And this dad holds his new toilet plunger with pride. Not many men would do the same.

16. Grandma and Grandpa give you best wishes for Christmas and announce that they’ve decided to give themselves a gift to invest in the future.

I know my grandparents have put some money into their own funerals. But they wouldn’t show it on a family Christmas card. This is just insane and disturbing.

17. Sibling rivalry: they always start so young.

Yes, baby sisters aren’t always so sweet as you’d think they’d be. This baby pulls her sister’s own hair.

18. Christmas always brings tidings of comfort and joy.

Apparently, this doesn’t apply to these sisters. This is particularly the case with the youngest being knocked on the floor.

19. Sometimes accidents could happen at the most inappropriate moment.

Well, at least the baby is safe. But the older sister might not like being in the middle of it. Yeah, family togetherness has its ups and downs.

20. When you’re on call during Christmas, you can get the most interesting patients.

This was on a board in a hospital. Dr. Mest will have a lot of interesting stories to tell come January.

21. In the olden days, it was common for families having to settle for the only Christmas tree available.

This one is known as a Giant Charlie Brown Tree. Yet, unlike what to cartoon shows us, decorating it doesn’t enhance its beauty.

22. There’s nothing more devastating on Christmas than a burning gingerbread house.

Yeah, that’s not a good sight to see during the holidays. Hope this little girl doesn’t get too traumatized.

23. “This Christmas we decided to chop down a shrub to save money.”

Hey, not all evergreen trees can be triangle shaped. Still, this looks pretty ghastly if you ask me.

24. It’s not every day a rock band visits Santa Claus.

Apparently, Santa wasn’t amused by this group and having to take a photo with them. Yet, Santa would rather be photographed with a real band like Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd.

25. Even when they’re young, sibling unrest can be rampant.

Now Bobby learns the hard way that you can’t boss your little sis for long. Or she might try to retaliate with a vengeance.

26. Seasons Greetings from the Village of the Damned.

I don’t think the dog has much long to live. Those girls have plans. Very sinister plans.

27. While selfies can be seen as enhancing one’s ego, sometimes they can be incredibly helpful.

For instance, while this holiday sweater may seem initially decent, it helps to take a closer look. Definitely not wearing that to Grandma’s house.

28. Santa has some visitors from the South Pole.

To be fair, this is from a family who has a tradition like this. Like how they have bowties on their tuxedos.

29. The moment when you and your girlfriend broke up but she still appears on your family Christmas card.

I’m sure holiday season breakups happen all the time. Still, I think it’s funny they put a sticker on the woman’s face.

30. We need to understand that not every kid looks forward to see Santa.

Yeah, this kids don’t like sitting on Santa’s lap. Meanwhile the girls beside him just smile for the camera.

31. Rachel always preferred a wooden man with a mean bite.

Well, this is awkward. Hey, I know there are plenty of girls who like the Nutcracker. But this is ridiculous.

32. Before you give gifts, always make sure they’re age appropriate first.

Because I know you don’t get a pot leaf poster for anyone under 18. But I think this is supposed to be a joke.

33. Is it just me, or does Santa not seem like his jolly old self lately?

Unfortunately, little Jimmy got stuck with the evil Santa at the mall. He hasn’t been seen since.

34. Christmas is always a time of precious moments.

Yet, in this case, I don’t think little Brittany is holding her brother like that because she loves him. Quite the contrary. Her parents might want to get her some psychiatric testing.

35. There’s always that one angel.

The blond girl is like, “Perfect little angel? My ass.” Yeah, really not in the angelic spirit.

36. “We just had some problems with the Christmas wrapping.”

Grown people dressed as elves for Santa. Not sure what to think about that. Might be less lame if they dressed as elves from Lord of the Rings.

37. Okay, baby, tell us how you really feel about family Christmas card photoshoots.

I guess baby Gabriel couldn’t keep it to himself. Yes, I know photoshoots are a real pain in the ass.

38. “Another blue dress shirt? Well, this sucks.”

Even funnier that this boy is already wearing a shirt like this one. Guess his aunt didn’t get the memo.

39. Seems like Santa doesn’t need a chimney to get in this house.

Because he’s apparently popped out of the attic. Okay, those are just decorations.

40. No, Grandpa, now’s not the time to give Grandma your dick in a box.

I know this is a joke that’s a takeoff from an SNL sketch. And I know I’m pushing the envelope with this one. But I couldn’t avoid including it if I tried.

41. Sometimes even Santa has moments when he questions his sanity.

In this one, Santa wonders whether he’s had too much eggnog. Or too many of Mrs. Claus’s special brownies.

42. Christmas is a time to feel the joy.

Unfortunately, this baby ain’t feeling it. Yeah, babies can be quite temperamental in these photos.

43. This year, Santa went to Whoville.

And once again, he has some interesting stories to tell about that place. Yes, this is pretty ridiculous.

44. For unto us a child is born.

However, nativity scene photo reenactments can only go so far. Having your baby play baby Jesus? Fine and perfectly normal. Having your cat play baby Jesus? What the fuck?

45. What better way to spend Christmas than for a drink among friends?

Don’t get me wrong, they’re all the same woman. Yes, doesn’t seem to be in a jolly mood.

46. Apparently, the heads seem to pop out of the stocking.

This Christmas card was made possible by photoshop and acid. Yes, they had LSD in the 1950s, too. Just ask Cary Grant who promoted it.

47. “Uh, excuse me, Santa, but I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Timmy, that’s no way how to touch yourself in public.” Then again, he doesn’t seem to be comfortable at all.

48. The family that sleeps together, stays together.

Now this is awkward. Let’s hope this one is just reserved for the kids, please.

49. Before you celebrate the holidays, be sure you get the sweater memo.

Yes, this family has the same sweater on for Christmas. But at least they have different colors according to gender.

50. Finally, Suzie has the dress for her pet monkey.

For the record, don’t keep monkeys as pets. Yes, I know they may be cute but they can inflict serious injury. Besides, they’re wild animals not meant for you dress like a doll.

51. Looks like one elf has gone postal.

Relax, these are kids just acting up. Well, at least the younger one is. The older one is trying to restrain.

52. Christmas is always a time to be merry and bright.

Unfortunately, the dogs don’t seem to be jolly. In fact, they seem to be at each other’s throats.

53. When arranging your Christmas towels, make sure they don’t spell anything unfortunate. This is especially if your name is Peterson.

Yeah, that’s really not a great Christmas message. But at least it’s an accurate one for a bathroom.

54. This Christmas, it’s the family that bathes together that stays together.

A family in a tub? Really? Do they have any idea how ridiculous that is? Hope they’re wearing swimsuits, good God.

55. Grumpy Cat really doesn’t want to pose for your Christmas card.

Like how the couple explained their cats on how they couldn’t cooperate. Yeah, cats march to a different drummer.

56. Meanwhile, at a Christmas pageant in Colorado…

Three wisemen come from the East bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh-uana. Luckily Willie Nelson did a Christmas song on myrrh-uana on Colbert’s Christmas special.

57. “We’d like to wish our family a Merry Christmas…from Florida.”

The flamingo is not fooling anybody. Like the shark costume. And the Santa statue.

58. “Please, please, take us away from this man! Please, we beg you!”

Poor Santa doesn’t seem to know what to do here. Still, a lot of kids are scared of Santa. Remember that.

59. Nothing says Christmas like spending a day in a sauna with your family.

So the whole family is in towels? Why the hell? This is just crazy on so many levels.

60. When she said she wanted anything Frozen, she didn’t mean peas.

Any parent should know this. For God’s sake, she would’ve been happy with an Anna and Elsa notebook. She’s understandably pissed.

61. Make your season merry by dressing your family in candy cane pajamas.

Yes, they all come striped. But some are in green as well as red. Yes, this is ridiculous.

62. Unfortunately, Travis was acting up so he had to be restrained.

However, having him duct taped to a wall is kind of pushing it. Seriously, is that even necessary?

63. The family dog helped decorate the tree this year.

Okay, this is definitely photoshop. Because dogs can’t fly. But no one seems to care.

64. Merry Christmas from the stick figure kids.

I know they’re supposed to be cowboys riding horses. But this don’t look right.

65. As we all know, cauliflower faced Santa must be avoided at all times.

Yes, that’s a really sketchy Santa. I fear for the boy who’s on his lap.

66. There are some gifts for a significant other that are meant to be given in private.

This pair of candy cane boxes is among these. Yeah, I know what, “Lick Me” means.

67. That moment when the mall Santa can’t wait until his shift is up.

Yeah, he doesn’t seem to like his gig too much. Doesn’t seem to care for kids either.

68. Baby Ralphie really admires the leg lamp.

Wonder what the grandparents would think if they saw this Christmas card. This is a play off A Christmas Story.

69. Merry Christmas from the 21st century.

Yeah, it’s kind of like that. Everyone seems to be glued to their devices save the dad.

70. “How about we all try to catch the snowball?”

Well, not sure if they have a snowball’s chance in hell. But this is quite funny.

What I Want for Christmas Letters to Santa

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 19, 2016

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Every Christmas it’s not uncommon for kids to write letters to Santa Claus on what they want for Christmas. Normally this would consist of kids writing requests for toys. But it’s not always the case. This letter above is by my cousin Ben wrote in preschool. Of course, he can be a little smartass since he’s asking for the whole kit and caboodle. Seeing this letter on Facebook got me thinking about the kind of letters kids write to Santa. Turns out the internet has plenty of letters from various sites like Buzzfeed. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of children’s letters to the big guy at the North Pole. In case you want to know about letters to Santa, it’s perfectly fine to send your letter to the North Pole since the United States Postal Service has their own Letters from Santa program.

Dear Santa, give me a Lady Gaga doll or I’ll break your legs.

Little Tommy isn’t fooling around either, Santa. You better give this kid a Lady Gaga doll. Sounds like a mobster at the end.

2. If you want to know what this kid wants for Christmas, here’s the link.

Makes me wonder why children don’t e-mail Santa more often. Might make Santa’s work much easier.

3. Apparently, one kid isn’t happy about Santa Claus this year.

Guess this kid saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last Christmas. Seems to be a little Grinch in the making.

4. Well, at least this little girl is honest.

Then again, she may not be that greedy. Or she just might be blurting out song lyrics. Not sure which.

5. Send a computer to Jack if you have the money, Santa.

Sure a computer might be expensive and bulky. But if Santa will give one, it’ll be for the whole family, not just the kid.

6. Someone seems worried that Santa would get stuck in the chimney.

Uh, I’m sure Santa will have no problem coming down chimneys. But the kid makes an excellent point.

7. Dear Santa, if you don’t give me what I want, I will hunt you down and kill you.

Santa, you might want to give the little girl what she wants. Because she certainly means business. Then again, I don’t think Santa and his reindeer could die.

8. Dear Santa, I’ve been a good boy this year so why did you give me stupid presents?

Boy, seems like Johnny was very disappointed with what he got for Christmas. And he doesn’t seem to take it well.

9. So, Santa, how are things at the North Pole.

Well, at least this one is friendly. But the Hot Topic gift card request kills me.

10. Dear, Santa, if you’re real, please prove it to me.

Good luck with asking proof from Santa that he exists. Still, you can’t really blame the kid for trying.

11. Dear Santa, I’ve been okay this year, here’s what my family wants for Christmas.

This little girl even listed her home and cell number to Santa. I think Santa doesn’t need to know that.

12. Dear Santa, bring me toys or I will hurt Rudolph further.

The kid even has a graphic of Rudolph’s nose in a box. Still, I don’t think that’ll sway Santa.

13. Dear Santa, just sand me Hannah Montana everything.

I’m sure this letter was written before 2013 when Miley Cyrus’s Hannah Montana was extremely popular with young girls. Yet, her wholesome image would soon change after her Disney Channel show ended.

14. This year Lucy wants a bank account and a slim body and not get the two mixed up.

I’m sure Lucy’s wishes echo what a lot of adults want for Christmas. However, I’d just ask for the fat bank account.

15. This kid seems to have a lot of questions about Santa.

Yet, little Spencer still sneaks in what he wants for Christmas. Still, this is cute.

16. Dear Santa, give me a camera because I want one.

Well, at least this kid gets straight to the point. Didn’t really say why though.

17. Santa, bring me a smartphone and something for my brother, too.

Judging from the crayon, I think she might be a bit young for a smart phone. But at least she keeps her brother in mind.

18. Santa, please give me Hannah Montana concert tickets and here’s why.

Looks like this little girl really did her homework on the music business. Like how she talked about scalpers.

19. Please give me Yu-gi-oh for Christmas to impress the boys.

I guess this girl really has some inadequacy issues. Hey, girl, you don’t need to impress boys to be fulfilled in life. Also, how old are you?

20. Seems like this kid wants a bunch of hunting equipment for Christmas.

I think this guy might be a little old to write to Santa. Still, if he wants all that stuff for Christmas, he could easily go to places like Gander Mountain or Cabela’s.

21. Dear Santa, I want a lot of things for Christmas, does 39 items seem too much?

Guess this girl has a long list of what she wants for Christmas. But yes, 39 is a bit much.

22. Dear Santa, if you bring anything with batteries make sure they’re included.

At least this seems pretty reasonable. Having gifts that require batteries that aren’t included is a real pain in the ass.

23. Dear Santa Claus, give me $5.3 billion.

I’m sure people would want $5.3 billion at some point. But I think asking for a few hundred is much more reasonable.

24. Dear Santa, please give me Taylor Swift tickets, Nordstrom clothes, and a boyfriend.

On second thought, the boyfriend seems more reasonable than the other two. However, dating doesn’t work this way.

25. Santa, I’m perfectly fine with getting coal and spending time with my family but I enjoy opening presents.

Seems like she’s really buttering the big guy up. What a way to sneak it in, girl.

26. Since Mommy’s on a diet, is Cheez-Its all right with you?

To be fair, kids don’t understand much about nutrition. Also goes on to talk about pets.

27. For Christmas I’d want a stuffed chicken.

So this could mean a delectable dish or taxidermy. Hope it’s the former. Because taxidermied animals are creepy.

28. Looks like the game cops and robbers has become more advanced these days.

Wonder what asking for such police stuff says about our culture these days. I think handcuffs would’ve been more reasonable.

29. Santa, this year I want a puppy, a real puppy, not a stuffed one.

As we all know, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts since many would prefer to pick the animal. But this kid doesn’t understand that.

30. Dear Santa, please take everyone’s guns away.

Hey, kid, maybe you should ask Santa for reasonable gun control laws like universal background checks and an assault weapons ban. No need to resort to drastic measures.

31. Dear Santa, send diapers for my baby brother.

I’m guessing this kid is at least pre-school age. From how I look at it. The incident with the pee is disgusting.

32. Santa, give me a puppy. By the way, you suck.

This kid doesn’t seem very happy. Yeah, please rub it in Santa’s face, how could you?

33. Dear Santa, either turn me into a dragon or give me a pet dragon.

Sure dragons may be cool. But that doesn’t mean you’d want one. Just read Harry Potter or any fantasy story. Besides, they’re mythical creatures anyway.

34. Dear Santa, I’m beginning to wonder about your elves’ work quality.

Well, elf competency concerns is reasonable. Too bad that a lot of the products this kid describes is probably made from cheap labor in an Asian nation.

35. This Christmas give a turtle since they’re cool.

Sure turtles may be cool in their own way. They’re also a lot of work and aren’t very nice.

36. Santa, is it true you’re not coming to my house because Obama got reelected?

From reading this, I wonder what this kid’s parents listen to. I’m sure they voted for that steaming piece of shit Donald Trump this year.

37. Santa, if you give anyone a monkey, it will be bad.

At least the kid knows a think or two about why keeping exotic pets is a bad idea. If I had a kid who wants a monkey, they could forget it.

38. Dear Santa, please don’t give me a little sister in 2 years.

I’m sure Samantha won’t like it if her mom has to tell her she’s pregnant. That won’t go well.

39. Santa, could you get me a couple of things for Christmas? Here’s a list.

Note: When a letter to Santa says, “Flip page” you can tell it’s not just a couple of things. Yeah, kid has a long list.

40. Dear Santa, please give me these presents for my life depends on it.

I’m sure this kid won’t get a lot of these presents. And it’s not going to be the end of the world. Though there always has to be one who makes everything seem dramatic.

41. Haven’t been too good this year, but could you send me a LEGO train anyway.

Uh, doesn’t Santa give presents to the good kids? Not sure if this child knows how it works.

42. Dear Santa, could you give me superpowers if possible?

Sorry, kid, but superpowers don’t work that way. You can’t just ask Santa for them.

43. For Christmas this year I want hair like Rapunzel.

No, kid, you don’t want 5 feet long hair. Because you’d probably have to spend a lot on hair care products and hours brushing it.

44. No, Santa, I didn’t mean that. I would never do that.

From PopSugar: “Dear Santa, sorry for saying, ‘I’m going to punch you in the face!’ I would never do that because I am a good boy and I know hitting is wrong. Love, Ryder.”

45. Here’s all the stuff I want for Christmas.

Man, those look pretty expensive. But at least she’s smart to use the Wal Mart catalog.

46. Dear Santa, how do you get into my house?

I’m guessing this kid’s family doesn’t have a chimney. I’m sure Santa has other ways.

47. Dear Santa, please help the homeless and here’s what I want.

Sure the kid may want Santa to help the homeless. But everyone has a list of their own toys.

48. Santa, my dad talked about the Krampus and he gave me nightmares.

Either this girl is scared of the Krampus or she’s using the monster as a bargaining chip. Not sure which.

49. Dear Santa, please give me $100 and a $50 gift card and it cant’ be to food places.

This girl really doesn’t mess around. Also wants to be able to paint her nails.

50. Dear Mr. Claus, I’ve been very bad so please send me coal.

This is certainly not from a kid but a CEO of a coal company. And no, Santa, coal won’t teach him a lesson. How about give him a possible long jail sentence for environmental and worker safety violations?

51. What I want for Christmas is a McDonald’s in my neighborhood.

I’m not sure what to think of this. Because a McDonald’s is one of the last things I’d want in my community.

52. Dear Santa, can you send me a mixed elf on the shelf?

Yes, I know there are plenty of families that do Elf on the Shelf. But to be honest, Elf on the Shelf is creepy which is why I like to make fun of it around the holidays.

53. Dear Santa, I don’t ask for much. Maybe about 100 things.

Uh, asking for 100 things is going way overboard. How about you narrow it down a bit?

54. Santa, if you can please don’t send me any clothes!

Yeah, we all know kids don’t like getting clothes for Christmas. They’re not fun like toys. But kids have no idea that they need them.

55. Give it to me straight, Santa, am I on the naughty list?

Well, that might be a good question. But would you really want to know?

56. Dear Santa, is it true you read all the letters because I doubt it.

Well, at least this girl is being reasonable about the letters. Yet, she still made a list.

57. Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year. I’ve brought beer to my dad from the fridge.

To be fair, this girl may not understand that bringing beer for Daddy from the fridge may not be a good idea. This is especially if Daddy has a problem.

58. If Santa was wise, he might consider giving this kid a dictionary for Christmas.

I don’t expect these letters to be grammatically sound with proper spelling. But this one contains the words “slay” for “sleigh” and “rape” for “wrap.” So it’s pretty noteworthy for a post like this.

59. Dear Santa, sorry for being bad but could you give me a few things.

You know these kind of letters are usually followed by a long list. Yeah, those aren’t just a few things.

60. Dear Santa, I have a few questions to ask.

I’m sure Santa could answer those for you soon. And yes, he will be quiet, believe me.

61. Dear Santa, can you please bring me pizza?

If you want pizza, there are better ways than asking Santa for it. How about calling your local pizza place?

62. Dear Santa, please, please, please give me these things.

Hey, kid, you don’t need to say please all the time. I’m sure Santa understands.

63. Santa better bring a pony this year.

Still, that’s a terrible pony drawing. What the hell is it? Looks like some weird cartoon alien. Still, the kid’s not fooling around.

64. Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year since I’ve picked up a lot of crap.

Picking up dog poop is nothing to be humble about. But where I live, you don’t have to do that.

65. Santa, can you fill this questionnaire for me?

Seems like this kid wants to know a little bit more about Santa. Not sure if Santa has any time for that.

66. Santa, show yourself to me that you’re real.

Guess this kid doesn’t buy in the whole Santa thing. You probably have that with kids sometimes.

67. Dear Santa, can you send me a real pet cub, please?

I’m sure this kid will be very disappointed on Christmas. Because a real cub for Christmas is worse than a puppy. For the love of God, they grow up to be fierce wild cats. Maybe a stuffed one would be better.

68. Dear Santa, I’ve been okay but if you don’t give me anything I understand.

Well, at least this kid is trying to have a more realistic self-awareness. And at least shows appreciation.

69. Dear Santa, please give me a new football because my evil little brother stole mine.

Sibling rivalries always start young, don’t they? Also, probably doesn’t have a chimney.

70. Dear Santa, I have big butts and I cannot lie…

Well, at least the kid didn’t use the whole song. Because it has rather adult lyrics. But it’s funny.

71. Dear Santa, please send me a Venus flytrap.

Okay, other than the Venus Flytrap bit, the letter is mostly normal. However, you have to wonder about this kid when you see the illustrations.

72. Santa, does Rudolph have two noses?

No, Rudolph just has one nose, kid. What made you ask that question?

73. Dear Santa, I know you’re a marketing ploy but I just want stuff or else.

The boy even says that Santa and his wife are gambling addicts and has a picture of the Grim Reaper. Also, talks about the Dolphin mafia.

74. Dear Santa, please get my boat to work for it’s just in my yard.

Too bad this kid has no idea if a boat should work, it should be in water. And please let the boat be a toy.

75. Dear Santa, give me a signed picture of you and your elves.

I don’t think Santa gives out autographed photos, kid. And I’m sure elves might not be allowed to send their photos out to children either.

76. Dear Santa, here are the things I want and can you send me Steeler stuff?

Looks like he left somethings out in his original letter. Not sure if he lives in my area since the Steelers are my local NFL team.

77. Santa, you’re fat you’ll be getting no cookies at my house this year.

Man, this girl says that Santa needs to lose some pounds so she and her mom are giving him veggies. Not sure if the big guy would appreciate it.

78. Dear Santa, please give my brother Mitch some things since he writes bad and hates reading.

Seems like this girl doesn’t have a lot of nice things to say about him. Also, she tells Santa that’s not his sign.

79. Dear Santa, please bring Leonardo DiCaprio to my house this year.

Sorry, but I don’t think Santa could do that. Also, I’m not sure if he’s cute at the moment, especially since the Revenant. But if you live in an area adversely affected by climate change, maybe he’ll stop by.

80. Dear Santa, can you sign this to prove you’re real?

And I see, “Ho Ho Ho” on the line. Not sure if that’s what this little boy wants.

81. Santa, can you please come before 6:00 a.m.?

Because Santa shouldn’t want to wake up this early bird. Also stocking on the left.

82. Santa, will you give me a second chance this year? Explain.

This kid put “yes/no” and lines for Santa to write on. Not sure if Santa wants to answer that.

83. Santa, I just want my family to be happy and these things.

The materialism is bound to creep up somehow. It always does in these kind of letters.

84. Dear Santa, I have a lot of questions to ask you.

This one asks what Santa is giving his sisters, whether his friend is on nice list and what Santa does with the gifts he can’t fit in his sleigh. Also, how tall are elves.

85. Seems like Calvin knows what he wants for Christmas.

Okay, I don’t think this is from a kid. Because I don’t think children would even watch The Internship that stars Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn.

86. Sorry, we couldn’t give you any cookies, Santa, and the gingerbread made us sick.

Well, what can I say? Shit happens. We all have Christmas disasters.

87. Dear Santa, I haven’t seen a reindeer so can you leave Rudolph at our house?

No, I don’t think Santa will leave Rudolph. He needs his lead reindeer.

88. Dear Santa, can you please send pacifiers for my sister so we can sleep?

Guess her sister really likes to make a lot of noise all the time. It’s probably because she’s a baby.

89. What I want for Christmas this year is some toys and an AK-47.

No, you don’t want to give an AK-47 for Christmas. What about a better gift like almost anything else?

90. Dear Santa, there are some things I want so I devised a list for you.

This girl goes on to describe how she listed what she want. It gets pretty complicated.

91. Dear Mr. Claus, in accordance with the Christian holiday, here are the things I want for Christmas.

He goes on to say that other items would be added at a later date. So Santa should stay tuned.

92. Dear Santa, I really want a puppy, just give me one.

Seems like this girl really wants a puppy for Christmas. As I said before, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts. Better to have her pick out her own.

93. Dear Santa, I always enjoy your presents but forgive the bad stuff I did this year.

This kid really knows how to lap it up. Also requests that Santa come when parents are sleeping.

94. Dear Santa, I’ve been good but I’m not sure about my sister.

Well, sibling problems are quite common. But this boy really wants to say his sister hasn’t been that great.

95. Dear Santa, please make my brother nicer and bring him back.

I don’t know about you. But I worry whether this boy wants Santa to kidnap his brother. This is kind of disturbing.

96. This Christmas Evie’s been a bad girl but she needs presents.

But Evie doesn’t being bad should disqualify her from presents. But still, this is cute.

97. Dear Santa, please give me a DS, I’ll give you money.

This boy seems like a smooth talker. Wonder how far it would get him.

98. If you want to see my Christmas list, text my dad.

Chances are this is going to be a long list. Since I know where this is going.

99. Dear Santa, please leave the gifts at the door because I won’t be home for Christmas.

I suppose there are some kids who would be away for Christmas. But I’m sure Santa could manage.

100. Dear Santa, how do you poop? Does it look different?

Uh, I think that’s a question no one wants to ask. Except the kid who wrote this.

The Sweet Candy World of Gingerbread Architecture

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 16, 2016

gingerbreadhouse

Two to three years ago, I did a gingerbread house post that was more or less suited to mock the tacky houses I’ve seen on the internet. However, since gingerbread houses are all the rage at Christmas time, I plan to do a post that shows all the great houses you’d see since there are plenty from Pinterest and other websites. Anyway, though gingerbread has been around since medieval times and was used to celebrate certain occasions, gingerbread houses didn’t really become all the rage until the early 1800s in Germany after the wake of the Grimm fairy tale “Hansel and Gretel.” And we all know that fairy tale centers on two abandoned children who befall on a gingerbread house that’s actually bait for a witch’s kiddie trap. Yes, it’s disturbing. But food historians claim that people made gingerbread houses before that in Germany. Yet, these suddenly became popular during Christmas and the rest is history. Today many families built gingerbread houses this time of year as a tradition and there are even contests for it. And not all of these structures are houses either. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of gingerbread houses that look good enough but too pretty to eat.

A gingerbread US Capitol contains mints and plenty of frosting.

Sure it might look good on the outside. But the inside may contain a government body with a lower approval rating than pond scum.

2. In New England, a gingerbread harbor is all the rage.

Never saw something like this before. Just a dock, boat, and shops.

3. Someday your prince will come in this gingerbread Snow White’s castle.

This one has a bit of snow on it. And it seems darker than the other Disney princess castles. Maybe it’s because the Wicked Queen lives there.

4. Of course, would you like fries with this gingerbread McDonald’s?

Well, this is in a more retro style than most of the current restaurants. But it’s quite clever.

5. A Christmas house must always be decked with boughs of holly.

This one has garland on its columns. Love the red shutters and green on the windows.

6. Balconies and roofs can always be held up by candy canes.

And this fancy gingerbread house is no exception. Love the swirly design on this though.

7. A pink roof on a gingerbread house is just as sweet.

This one has some pink edging on the windows. Like the pretzel fence. Lovely.

8. This gingerbread castle would be the envy of all Candyland.

Yes, that’s certainly a very fancy castle. Or is it a village? At any rate, you have to admire the decoration.

9. A gingerbread toy shop would make you feel like a kid again.

This looks like what you’d expect from an old timey toy shop to resemble. Like that kid peering through the window.

10. A magnificent train station is always a sight to behold.

Yes, this is a rather ornate train station that almost resembles a mansion. Love the towers.

11. You’d almost think this gingerbread resort is a model.

Yes, it certainly looks like it since it doesn’t seem real Christmasy. Well, with the exception of the decorated tree.

12. This clock tower is ever befitting for one near Santa’s workshop.

It even has a snowflake on top as well as a train track. Yes, Santa would be proud.

13. Row houses always have to be well decorated in red and green.

Well, that looks quite quaint. Love how each one is decorated the same way. and red brick road.

14. With Victorian row houses, have each one stacked near a hill.

You can almost see houses like this in any old town. Like how each of them is covered in different color of icing.

15. A blue dome is always easy on the eyes.

For some reason, this kind of reminds me of a funeral home. Not sure what it is. Like the balcony roof and weather vane.

16. With this gingerbread house, you can count the days till Christmas.

Of course, advent calendars don’t start on Advent. Still ,this is adorable.

17. Chex cereal often makes great roofing material.

And it makes a more earthy look than a lot of icings. This one almost seems real.

18. A gingerbread tree house overlooks a frozen lake.

Sure it’s a small house but it has lights on the steps and stockings in front. Love it.

19. A plain blue house is better than nothing.

Yes, this might be a small cottage. But it surely looks cozy and ordinary.

20. For you maritime fans, this gingerbread lighthouse is for you.

The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Monthly Archives: December 2016