Every Christmas it’s not uncommon for kids to write letters to Santa Claus on what they want for Christmas. Normally this would consist of kids writing requests for toys. But it’s not always the case. This letter above is by my cousin Ben wrote in preschool. Of course, he can be a little smartass since he’s asking for the whole kit and caboodle. Seeing this letter on Facebook got me thinking about the kind of letters kids write to Santa. Turns out the internet has plenty of letters from various sites like Buzzfeed. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of children’s letters to the big guy at the North Pole. In case you want to know about letters to Santa, it’s perfectly fine to send your letter to the North Pole since the United States Postal Service has their own Letters from Santa program.
- Dear Santa, give me a Lady Gaga doll or I’ll break your legs.
Little Tommy isn’t fooling around either, Santa. You better give this kid a Lady Gaga doll. Sounds like a mobster at the end.
2. If you want to know what this kid wants for Christmas, here’s the link.
Makes me wonder why children don’t e-mail Santa more often. Might make Santa’s work much easier.
3. Apparently, one kid isn’t happy about Santa Claus this year.
Guess this kid saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last Christmas. Seems to be a little Grinch in the making.
4. Well, at least this little girl is honest.
Then again, she may not be that greedy. Or she just might be blurting out song lyrics. Not sure which.
5. Send a computer to Jack if you have the money, Santa.
Sure a computer might be expensive and bulky. But if Santa will give one, it’ll be for the whole family, not just the kid.
6. Someone seems worried that Santa would get stuck in the chimney.
Uh, I’m sure Santa will have no problem coming down chimneys. But the kid makes an excellent point.
7. Dear Santa, if you don’t give me what I want, I will hunt you down and kill you.
Santa, you might want to give the little girl what she wants. Because she certainly means business. Then again, I don’t think Santa and his reindeer could die.
8. Dear Santa, I’ve been a good boy this year so why did you give me stupid presents?
Boy, seems like Johnny was very disappointed with what he got for Christmas. And he doesn’t seem to take it well.
9. So, Santa, how are things at the North Pole.
Well, at least this one is friendly. But the Hot Topic gift card request kills me.
10. Dear, Santa, if you’re real, please prove it to me.
Good luck with asking proof from Santa that he exists. Still, you can’t really blame the kid for trying.
11. Dear Santa, I’ve been okay this year, here’s what my family wants for Christmas.
This little girl even listed her home and cell number to Santa. I think Santa doesn’t need to know that.
12. Dear Santa, bring me toys or I will hurt Rudolph further.
The kid even has a graphic of Rudolph’s nose in a box. Still, I don’t think that’ll sway Santa.
13. Dear Santa, just sand me Hannah Montana everything.
I’m sure this letter was written before 2013 when Miley Cyrus’s Hannah Montana was extremely popular with young girls. Yet, her wholesome image would soon change after her Disney Channel show ended.
14. This year Lucy wants a bank account and a slim body and not get the two mixed up.
I’m sure Lucy’s wishes echo what a lot of adults want for Christmas. However, I’d just ask for the fat bank account.
15. This kid seems to have a lot of questions about Santa.
Yet, little Spencer still sneaks in what he wants for Christmas. Still, this is cute.
16. Dear Santa, give me a camera because I want one.
Well, at least this kid gets straight to the point. Didn’t really say why though.
17. Santa, bring me a smartphone and something for my brother, too.
Judging from the crayon, I think she might be a bit young for a smart phone. But at least she keeps her brother in mind.
18. Santa, please give me Hannah Montana concert tickets and here’s why.
Looks like this little girl really did her homework on the music business. Like how she talked about scalpers.
19. Please give me Yu-gi-oh for Christmas to impress the boys.
I guess this girl really has some inadequacy issues. Hey, girl, you don’t need to impress boys to be fulfilled in life. Also, how old are you?
20. Seems like this kid wants a bunch of hunting equipment for Christmas.
I think this guy might be a little old to write to Santa. Still, if he wants all that stuff for Christmas, he could easily go to places like Gander Mountain or Cabela’s.
21. Dear Santa, I want a lot of things for Christmas, does 39 items seem too much?
Guess this girl has a long list of what she wants for Christmas. But yes, 39 is a bit much.
22. Dear Santa, if you bring anything with batteries make sure they’re included.
At least this seems pretty reasonable. Having gifts that require batteries that aren’t included is a real pain in the ass.
23. Dear Santa Claus, give me $5.3 billion.
I’m sure people would want $5.3 billion at some point. But I think asking for a few hundred is much more reasonable.
24. Dear Santa, please give me Taylor Swift tickets, Nordstrom clothes, and a boyfriend.
On second thought, the boyfriend seems more reasonable than the other two. However, dating doesn’t work this way.
25. Santa, I’m perfectly fine with getting coal and spending time with my family but I enjoy opening presents.
Seems like she’s really buttering the big guy up. What a way to sneak it in, girl.
26. Since Mommy’s on a diet, is Cheez-Its all right with you?
To be fair, kids don’t understand much about nutrition. Also goes on to talk about pets.
27. For Christmas I’d want a stuffed chicken.
So this could mean a delectable dish or taxidermy. Hope it’s the former. Because taxidermied animals are creepy.
28. Looks like the game cops and robbers has become more advanced these days.
Wonder what asking for such police stuff says about our culture these days. I think handcuffs would’ve been more reasonable.
29. Santa, this year I want a puppy, a real puppy, not a stuffed one.
As we all know, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts since many would prefer to pick the animal. But this kid doesn’t understand that.
30. Dear Santa, please take everyone’s guns away.
Hey, kid, maybe you should ask Santa for reasonable gun control laws like universal background checks and an assault weapons ban. No need to resort to drastic measures.
31. Dear Santa, send diapers for my baby brother.
I’m guessing this kid is at least pre-school age. From how I look at it. The incident with the pee is disgusting.
32. Santa, give me a puppy. By the way, you suck.
This kid doesn’t seem very happy. Yeah, please rub it in Santa’s face, how could you?
33. Dear Santa, either turn me into a dragon or give me a pet dragon.
Sure dragons may be cool. But that doesn’t mean you’d want one. Just read Harry Potter or any fantasy story. Besides, they’re mythical creatures anyway.
34. Dear Santa, I’m beginning to wonder about your elves’ work quality.
Well, elf competency concerns is reasonable. Too bad that a lot of the products this kid describes is probably made from cheap labor in an Asian nation.
35. This Christmas give a turtle since they’re cool.
Sure turtles may be cool in their own way. They’re also a lot of work and aren’t very nice.
36. Santa, is it true you’re not coming to my house because Obama got reelected?
From reading this, I wonder what this kid’s parents listen to. I’m sure they voted for that steaming piece of shit Donald Trump this year.
37. Santa, if you give anyone a monkey, it will be bad.
At least the kid knows a think or two about why keeping exotic pets is a bad idea. If I had a kid who wants a monkey, they could forget it.
38. Dear Santa, please don’t give me a little sister in 2 years.
I’m sure Samantha won’t like it if her mom has to tell her she’s pregnant. That won’t go well.
39. Santa, could you get me a couple of things for Christmas? Here’s a list.
Note: When a letter to Santa says, “Flip page” you can tell it’s not just a couple of things. Yeah, kid has a long list.
40. Dear Santa, please give me these presents for my life depends on it.
I’m sure this kid won’t get a lot of these presents. And it’s not going to be the end of the world. Though there always has to be one who makes everything seem dramatic.
41. Haven’t been too good this year, but could you send me a LEGO train anyway.
Uh, doesn’t Santa give presents to the good kids? Not sure if this child knows how it works.
42. Dear Santa, could you give me superpowers if possible?
Sorry, kid, but superpowers don’t work that way. You can’t just ask Santa for them.
43. For Christmas this year I want hair like Rapunzel.
No, kid, you don’t want 5 feet long hair. Because you’d probably have to spend a lot on hair care products and hours brushing it.
44. No, Santa, I didn’t mean that. I would never do that.
From PopSugar: “Dear Santa, sorry for saying, ‘I’m going to punch you in the face!’ I would never do that because I am a good boy and I know hitting is wrong. Love, Ryder.”
45. Here’s all the stuff I want for Christmas.
Man, those look pretty expensive. But at least she’s smart to use the Wal Mart catalog.
46. Dear Santa, how do you get into my house?
I’m guessing this kid’s family doesn’t have a chimney. I’m sure Santa has other ways.
47. Dear Santa, please help the homeless and here’s what I want.
Sure the kid may want Santa to help the homeless. But everyone has a list of their own toys.
48. Santa, my dad talked about the Krampus and he gave me nightmares.
Either this girl is scared of the Krampus or she’s using the monster as a bargaining chip. Not sure which.
49. Dear Santa, please give me $100 and a $50 gift card and it cant’ be to food places.
This girl really doesn’t mess around. Also wants to be able to paint her nails.
50. Dear Mr. Claus, I’ve been very bad so please send me coal.
This is certainly not from a kid but a CEO of a coal company. And no, Santa, coal won’t teach him a lesson. How about give him a possible long jail sentence for environmental and worker safety violations?
51. What I want for Christmas is a McDonald’s in my neighborhood.
I’m not sure what to think of this. Because a McDonald’s is one of the last things I’d want in my community.
52. Dear Santa, can you send me a mixed elf on the shelf?
Yes, I know there are plenty of families that do Elf on the Shelf. But to be honest, Elf on the Shelf is creepy which is why I like to make fun of it around the holidays.
53. Dear Santa, I don’t ask for much. Maybe about 100 things.
Uh, asking for 100 things is going way overboard. How about you narrow it down a bit?
54. Santa, if you can please don’t send me any clothes!
Yeah, we all know kids don’t like getting clothes for Christmas. They’re not fun like toys. But kids have no idea that they need them.
55. Give it to me straight, Santa, am I on the naughty list?
Well, that might be a good question. But would you really want to know?
56. Dear Santa, is it true you read all the letters because I doubt it.
Well, at least this girl is being reasonable about the letters. Yet, she still made a list.
57. Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year. I’ve brought beer to my dad from the fridge.
To be fair, this girl may not understand that bringing beer for Daddy from the fridge may not be a good idea. This is especially if Daddy has a problem.
58. If Santa was wise, he might consider giving this kid a dictionary for Christmas.
I don’t expect these letters to be grammatically sound with proper spelling. But this one contains the words “slay” for “sleigh” and “rape” for “wrap.” So it’s pretty noteworthy for a post like this.
59. Dear Santa, sorry for being bad but could you give me a few things.
You know these kind of letters are usually followed by a long list. Yeah, those aren’t just a few things.
60. Dear Santa, I have a few questions to ask.
I’m sure Santa could answer those for you soon. And yes, he will be quiet, believe me.
61. Dear Santa, can you please bring me pizza?
If you want pizza, there are better ways than asking Santa for it. How about calling your local pizza place?
62. Dear Santa, please, please, please give me these things.
Hey, kid, you don’t need to say please all the time. I’m sure Santa understands.
63. Santa better bring a pony this year.
Still, that’s a terrible pony drawing. What the hell is it? Looks like some weird cartoon alien. Still, the kid’s not fooling around.
64. Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year since I’ve picked up a lot of crap.
Picking up dog poop is nothing to be humble about. But where I live, you don’t have to do that.
65. Santa, can you fill this questionnaire for me?
Seems like this kid wants to know a little bit more about Santa. Not sure if Santa has any time for that.
66. Santa, show yourself to me that you’re real.
Guess this kid doesn’t buy in the whole Santa thing. You probably have that with kids sometimes.
67. Dear Santa, can you send me a real pet cub, please?
I’m sure this kid will be very disappointed on Christmas. Because a real cub for Christmas is worse than a puppy. For the love of God, they grow up to be fierce wild cats. Maybe a stuffed one would be better.
68. Dear Santa, I’ve been okay but if you don’t give me anything I understand.
Well, at least this kid is trying to have a more realistic self-awareness. And at least shows appreciation.
69. Dear Santa, please give me a new football because my evil little brother stole mine.
Sibling rivalries always start young, don’t they? Also, probably doesn’t have a chimney.
70. Dear Santa, I have big butts and I cannot lie…
Well, at least the kid didn’t use the whole song. Because it has rather adult lyrics. But it’s funny.
71. Dear Santa, please send me a Venus flytrap.
Okay, other than the Venus Flytrap bit, the letter is mostly normal. However, you have to wonder about this kid when you see the illustrations.
72. Santa, does Rudolph have two noses?
No, Rudolph just has one nose, kid. What made you ask that question?
73. Dear Santa, I know you’re a marketing ploy but I just want stuff or else.
The boy even says that Santa and his wife are gambling addicts and has a picture of the Grim Reaper. Also, talks about the Dolphin mafia.
74. Dear Santa, please get my boat to work for it’s just in my yard.
Too bad this kid has no idea if a boat should work, it should be in water. And please let the boat be a toy.
75. Dear Santa, give me a signed picture of you and your elves.
I don’t think Santa gives out autographed photos, kid. And I’m sure elves might not be allowed to send their photos out to children either.
76. Dear Santa, here are the things I want and can you send me Steeler stuff?
Looks like he left somethings out in his original letter. Not sure if he lives in my area since the Steelers are my local NFL team.
77. Santa, you’re fat you’ll be getting no cookies at my house this year.
Man, this girl says that Santa needs to lose some pounds so she and her mom are giving him veggies. Not sure if the big guy would appreciate it.
78. Dear Santa, please give my brother Mitch some things since he writes bad and hates reading.
Seems like this girl doesn’t have a lot of nice things to say about him. Also, she tells Santa that’s not his sign.
79. Dear Santa, please bring Leonardo DiCaprio to my house this year.
Sorry, but I don’t think Santa could do that. Also, I’m not sure if he’s cute at the moment, especially since the Revenant. But if you live in an area adversely affected by climate change, maybe he’ll stop by.
80. Dear Santa, can you sign this to prove you’re real?
And I see, “Ho Ho Ho” on the line. Not sure if that’s what this little boy wants.
81. Santa, can you please come before 6:00 a.m.?
Because Santa shouldn’t want to wake up this early bird. Also stocking on the left.
82. Santa, will you give me a second chance this year? Explain.
This kid put “yes/no” and lines for Santa to write on. Not sure if Santa wants to answer that.
83. Santa, I just want my family to be happy and these things.
The materialism is bound to creep up somehow. It always does in these kind of letters.
84. Dear Santa, I have a lot of questions to ask you.
This one asks what Santa is giving his sisters, whether his friend is on nice list and what Santa does with the gifts he can’t fit in his sleigh. Also, how tall are elves.
85. Seems like Calvin knows what he wants for Christmas.
Okay, I don’t think this is from a kid. Because I don’t think children would even watch The Internship that stars Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn.
86. Sorry, we couldn’t give you any cookies, Santa, and the gingerbread made us sick.
Well, what can I say? Shit happens. We all have Christmas disasters.
87. Dear Santa, I haven’t seen a reindeer so can you leave Rudolph at our house?
No, I don’t think Santa will leave Rudolph. He needs his lead reindeer.
88. Dear Santa, can you please send pacifiers for my sister so we can sleep?
Guess her sister really likes to make a lot of noise all the time. It’s probably because she’s a baby.
89. What I want for Christmas this year is some toys and an AK-47.
No, you don’t want to give an AK-47 for Christmas. What about a better gift like almost anything else?
90. Dear Santa, there are some things I want so I devised a list for you.
This girl goes on to describe how she listed what she want. It gets pretty complicated.
91. Dear Mr. Claus, in accordance with the Christian holiday, here are the things I want for Christmas.
He goes on to say that other items would be added at a later date. So Santa should stay tuned.
92. Dear Santa, I really want a puppy, just give me one.
Seems like this girl really wants a puppy for Christmas. As I said before, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts. Better to have her pick out her own.
93. Dear Santa, I always enjoy your presents but forgive the bad stuff I did this year.
This kid really knows how to lap it up. Also requests that Santa come when parents are sleeping.
94. Dear Santa, I’ve been good but I’m not sure about my sister.
Well, sibling problems are quite common. But this boy really wants to say his sister hasn’t been that great.
95. Dear Santa, please make my brother nicer and bring him back.
I don’t know about you. But I worry whether this boy wants Santa to kidnap his brother. This is kind of disturbing.
96. This Christmas Evie’s been a bad girl but she needs presents.
But Evie doesn’t being bad should disqualify her from presents. But still, this is cute.
97. Dear Santa, please give me a DS, I’ll give you money.
This boy seems like a smooth talker. Wonder how far it would get him.
98. If you want to see my Christmas list, text my dad.
Chances are this is going to be a long list. Since I know where this is going.
99. Dear Santa, please leave the gifts at the door because I won’t be home for Christmas.
I suppose there are some kids who would be away for Christmas. But I’m sure Santa could manage.
100. Dear Santa, how do you poop? Does it look different?
Uh, I think that’s a question no one wants to ask. Except the kid who wrote this.