The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Eighth Edition)

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Though I usually do postcards before this time, I had some things going on for me during the summer that I didn’t do a lot of blog posts recently. Anyway, this October, my family and I plan on going to Charlotte to see my sister who lives there. We plan to stay for a weekend during the middle of the month. So perhaps I might want to get some old vintage postcards. No, not the ones you normally. More along the lines of those that come across as tacky, insane, weird, or laughably bad. Since we can all use a laugh now and then. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of terrible old timey postcards. Enjoy.

  1. Need to do a bit of landscaping?
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Cause you need the proper lawn implements and extension cord. Doesn’t hurt to do it in Bermuda shorts and flats.

2. Jane Irwill is designed to be lived in.

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Jane enjoys singing on the mic. Kim wishes she’d stop and so she can steal the song from under her.

3. Want to advertise? Picture your product here.

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Of course, they have to put a woman in a swimsuit for extra sex appeal. So I guess the product advertised here is the air mattress.

4. You can always enjoy going to the laundromat.

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Because you can’t necessarily afford a brand new washer and dryer. Hope you have plenty of coins and patience.

5. Nothing makes your day like wearing a colorful hat.

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But Susie thinks she looks like an idiot in hers. She wouldn’t even want to be caught dead wearing it at a Jimmy Buffett concert.

6. “Want to see my matching Wrap-Sak?”

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She’s talking about the robe. But it comes with a matching head towel to dry one’s hair. Still, despite having perfect hair, she doesn’t seem to like brushing it.

7. You’ll find these shakers easy to use.

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Since they contain plastic lids you can easily open and close. Available in 4 different colors.

8. Take a look at these giant airplane controls.

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I don’t think these work by the way. But these women seem unusually impressed.

9. Anyone can look sexy in a long fur coat.

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Though we in the 21st century don’t really think so unless you’re living in a polar region. Still, the background is atrocious.

10. “Look, Mommy, I can vacuum all by myself.”

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Of course, you’d never see me with my mom like that. Because I loathe vacuum cleaners. More like huddling in the corner with my ears covered.

11. “At Heinz we have more than 57 varieties around the world.”

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Though the world to them seems shaped like a giant football. Someone must’ve really messed up here.

12. “I just love painting my boat.”

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Seriously, I don’t think people like painting anything. Nor do I think a swimsuit and sailor hat are proper painting attire.

13. R & R toys make them in all sizes.

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That penguin is way too big for that little girl. But she’s thrilled to have it just the same.

14. Slow down for the Tallahassee Safety Patrol.

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So they stare at a wall in long rain coats. You can see they have a token female by looking at their legs.

15. Care for a duck lamp?

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Basically depicts a desert rock formation and two male mallard ducks flying. Wonder if anyone thinks they’re a couple. Then again, they could just be good friends.

16. With a propane grill, you can be the most talked about host in the neighborhood.

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Maybe in the 1960s this guy might have some pride in his grill. However, I’ve seen way bigger and crazier grills than that at Home Depot.

17. There’s always room for a hairdryer.

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Though I don’t think this hairdryer is at all portable. Because I could hold one in my hand.

18. Get women’s attention with a Hollywood Wolf Whistle.

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Guess it’s a horn you put on your car. Though I’m not sure if women will go for it.

19. Care for a fancy piggy bank?

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Sure these porcelain piggy banks may be pricey and fancy. But they’ll keep your money safe by scaring the hell out of potential robbers.

20. Is your car seats falling apart. Get Shadburn’s Auto Upholstery?

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This ad was probably made on a budget. Also, the woman looks more disgusted than anything.

21. 4 Track storm windows will always protect your house.

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Presented by a woman who’s not wearing pants. So the viewer can see her legs in high heels and pantyhose.

22. Commemorate your baby’s first shoes by casting them in bronze.

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You can sue them as bookends, on picture frames, or on wall displays. Seriously, why would anyone do this?

23. Get the World’s Largest Match Book.

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From BAD POSTCARDS: “The name “Dick Sampson” is printed at the bottom right corner making it seem like this gal’s name is Dick. Why the Hawaiian-themed outfit? What’s with that hat/strainer thing? How many matches are in each World’s Largest Match Book? So many questions.”

24. These cushions will make your home a palace.

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Maybe a harem considering how the woman’s dressed. And she doesn’t seem too happy wearing her skimpy purple outfit.

25. No one can have enough pillows on the couch.

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But Pauline has so many that she can only lie on her couch in this position. Still, they bring a lot of color on a dull gray couch.

26. Any kid would love these fuzz covered plastic creatures.

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Maybe the dog in the middle. But the pig and bear seem quite terrifying to me.

27. Display your reports with Rediform.

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Who knew business can produce so much happiness? Probably someone who enjoys doing memos. Still, why does Miss Rediform even exist?

28. At Hewlett Packard, we have all kinds of machines.

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Though this woman in her lab coat has little idea on how many of these machines work. Since they require all kinds of gears and screws.

29. Any man looks sharp in a gray suit.

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Even Trevor the neighborhood psycho killer. Any young woman dating him on any given night is never seen again since.

30. Kids are always proud to stand in their long raincoats.

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For these boys like to show off all the different colors. Though a few of them look like they’re dressed in trash bags.

31. Have a pen stand that’ll suit your tastes.

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Available in 2 big varieties. One is what can resemble your kid’s art project at school. The other are nightmarish depictions of cartoon characters that can scar you for life.

32. A water softener is a girl’s best friend.

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I don’t think most little girls would say that. Since most of them don’t know what the hell a water softener is.

33. Breathing problems? Have this Monaghan Life Saver on you.

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This looks like a something you’d attach to a respirator. Wonder if you should just go with an inhaler instead.

34. Christmas is always a time for cheer.

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From BAD POSTCARDS: “‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND THE WEIGHT OF SANTA’S CARCASS ON THE ROOF TOTALLY CRUSHED OUR HOUSE.”

35. Take a slice of Ohio Swiss cheese?

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The cheese looks like plastic to me. But at least it comes with saltines.

36. Hey, look, twins.

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Caption: “A NATIVE ALASKAN DARLING dressed in fur parka, trimmed with white fox and her best friend, a Semoyian Puppy.” Still, I don’t buy the girl being an Alaskan native due to her blue eyes, blond hair, and white skin.

37. Keep your lawn maintained with a red riding mower.

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Don’t look now. But Barry’s waving to Myrtle and her son Jack. Little does Jack knows what’s really going on between Barry and his mom.

38. Perhaps you might want something from Australia.

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Most of these are stuffed animals. Yet, you’ll find a boomerang and a hat to wear in the Outback. Still, where’s the diggery-doo?

39. Store your ingredients in these Tupperware canisters.

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Great for hiding the weed in. But don’t let anyone know that or they’ll call the cops.

40. Any girl would delight in these “Mama” dolls.

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On second thought, unless you want to traumatize a little girl in your life, I advise against giving her one of these. Seriously, they’re straight from the realm of nightmares.

41. A straw hat should always have flowers on them.

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Yet, none should don a disembodied woman’s head. Because that’s just disturbing. Available in multiple colors and styles.

42. Water your plants with this KWH mistblower.

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It’s so safe your kids can use it and look like they’re vanquishing their enemies with space age weapons. Said to have deep penetration, steady output.

43. Got a boring house? Just add awnings.

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Actually, the awnings really don’t do anything. Home still looks quite dull. Maybe it needs a paint job.

44. Your lawn can look like this.

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Just add a lawn sprinkler and mow it regularly during the warmer months. Well, as long as you live in California. If you live where I do, it’s not necessary. Also, you won’t have palm trees.

45. Reach for the moon.

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So they were raising money just so three guys can go to the moon? Just save steadily here, I guess. Seriously, this makes no sense.

46. Any little one would enjoy riding a large polka-dotted horse.

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Though the toy horse kind of looks kind of terrifying. Like the purple swan, though.

47. You can’t go boating without a portable minifridge.

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Even to today’s minifridges, this is extravagant. Even includes a freezer.

48. Simple Simon goes near the barbs.

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From BAD POSTCARDS: “Picking your nose is especially grand/When you have a pipe cleaner for a hand.”

49. “Seeing things in Linden, Tenn.”

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They’re basically going with “our town sucks so here are some pictures of cute animals.” At least that’s how I see it.

50. Perhaps you’d like a modern minibar.

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It’s basically a desk for alcoholics. Includes a cocktail shaker and shot glasses.

51. Everyone can use some paper towels.

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I’ve seen those paper towel dispensers at school. Let’s just say I don’t have nice things to say about them.

52. Dualette Sylvania is the big-screen TV that simply moves with you.

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From BAD POSTCARDS: “Carries his portable tube to upscale events. Sexy.”

53. The Tit twins will always boost your business.

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BAD POSTCARDS comment: “Amazing. I wanna see one go up in flames when the motor grease drips onto the controller and an overloaded circuit sparks a fire. And it would still be moving .”

54. Greetings from Kansas.

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Don’t worry about the coyote at the fence. It’s taxidermy so it won’t hurt you, But it will haunt your dreams.

55. Thin mints or merry mints?

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The merry mints come in all kinds of colors. Though I’ll just stick to the thin mints, especially the Girl Scout variety.

56. Nobody could resist a baby doll like this.

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For the love of God, kill it with fire. Since I guarantee it’ll haunt your dreams.

57. “Portraits become precious beyond price.”

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Here little Emily marvels at all the people she’s killed while she maniacally laughs. It’s a sight of horror that knows no bounds.

58. Someone wants to paint the house today.

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But letting a dog help isn’t really a good idea. Still, hope they don’t mistake the paw prints for something more sinister.

59. Perry’s Nuthouse offers free Maine Bear hugs.

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Don’t worry the bear here’s made from wood. A real black bear would simply maul you and leave you for dead.

60. This dog is out on the town.

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Though the dog’s expression doesn’t match the saying on the post card. Still, like the lamp posts.

61. Perhaps you might want to stay in a hotel room like this.

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Man, that’s really tacky. The pink isn’t bad but the wallpaper is just frightful.

62. “I trust Duraclean for my rugs.”

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From BAD POSTCARDS comment: “I cherish my French heirloom carpets so much I don’t even let anybody walk on them! ;)”

63. Anyone in the mood for water ski?

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By the way, this postcard is from Wisconsin. Yes, Wisconsin. Don’t ask me why.

64. Arachnaphobes, abandon hope all ye enter here.

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Because people will be freaked out by a giant spider. This is from an Arizona amusement park.

65. Fall is thrashing time.

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Meaning that it’s time to harvest the hay and put them in bales. Still, the scenery doesn’t really excite me.

66. Wonder why nobody’s visiting this campground.

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Maybe because there’s a skunk lurking around. Though it only sprays when threatened.

67. This guy better wake up before that pheasant runs away.

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Because birds don’t stay around forever. Still, not sure if he can shoot well with a bow and arrow.

68. Feel free to sit on the world’s largest chair.

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I’m sure nobody could really sit on it. Still, it’s a great way for this town to attract tourists.

69. Don’t feel bad. Things could be worse.

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Not sure about having dogs in jail though. Also, are they supposed to be in Mexico?

70. Sometimes you have to let yourself go.

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Though this just overdoes it. Her bra’s even showing from her falling dress.

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The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Seventh Edition)

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I usually do postcards in early August. But since I had to NFL and College sports posts as well as some articles on our Pussygrabber-in-Chief, it kind of slipped under the radar. Anyway, in late June, I went to Minnesota for my cousin’s wedding at St. Cloud since his wife is from there. And my parents, my sister, and I spent the next few days playing tourist in both St. Cloud and Minneapolis. In St. Cloud, you can see the Beaver Islands and Quarry Park. In Minneapolis, there’s the Walker Art Center, Minnehaha Falls, the American Swedish Institute, and the Mill City Museum. And yes, Mall of America does exist there. But come on, it’s just an enormous temple of conspicuous materialism with an overpriced amusement park. The only place worth seeing is the Lego store, nothing else. Anyway, there are plenty of vintage postcards out there that can show just about anything. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasury of crazy vintage postcards you won’t find at any souvenir shop.

  1. Fasten yourself to this metal horn.
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Yes, it’s another one of those old German torture postcards. And you can see the crowd laughing at him. Hey, at least you don’t live during the Middle Ages.

2. “Someone just took a dump at the corner of Maple and Elm Street.”

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Yeah, you have to feel bad for that guy in the wheelbarrow. Always having to clean everyone else’s messes on the street.

3. You’ll find all kinds of scenes inside this metal man.

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Actually, it seems like a guy inside a metal contraption. With the scenes depicting all the bad stuff he’s done.

4. Study hour is always a time for reflection.

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And yet, this kid fantasizes about the football game. Some things never change.

5. Protect your home from intruders with a safety guard.

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Actually, almost everyone has these. Seriously, they’re not really a big deal save the price.

6. Check out this papaya in St. Petersburg’s Sunken Gardens.

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While the term is a pejorative slang for a woman’s nether region in Cuba. So they use “fruta bomba” instead.

7. See the magnificent prehistoric creatures at the Phosphate Valley Exposition.

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Mr. Mastadon is utterly incensed that all the other giant mammals are on his lawn. Prepare to be gored.

8. Enjoy Swiss music and dance with Helmut and Ingrid in Miami.

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From Bad Postcards: “After the performance, I want to walk up to Ingrid and give her a big hug and kiss. Helmut, on the other hand, scares me a little.”

9. You’ll always have fun in the sun at the Blue Mist Motel.

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Apparently, I have no idea why the pillars seem to resemble Dr. Seuss like tennis rackets. Located in Miami.

10. It’s always amazing to try exotic new foods.

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And I think that guy’s about to say something racist. While his wife’s trying to keep a smile on her face to hide her embarrassment.

11. “Discover for yourself our complete line.”

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And yet, she’s decked in the most scantily clad hula skirt I’ve ever seen. While she has a bunch of thin skits strategically placed at her breasts.

12. “Just specify the shape you want.”

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I’m sure this postcard is totally photoshopped. Seriously, the light on the woman doesn’t match the light in the background. Also, is she just wearing a red sheet?

13. Just a fair catch at the Florida Keys.

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From Bad Postcards: “The dog at bottom left looks like he’s ashamed to be included in the picture.”

14. Would you want it in pink or blue?

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Either way, they seem like a couple of freaky old guy faces with sunglasses. Also what’s with the ears and legs?

15. Chief Halftown is a bowler supreme.

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From the back: “A full-blooded Seneca Indian, Chief Halftown has traveled thousands of miles in helping thousands of youngsters learn to enjoy the fun of bowling. There are Chief Halftown Junior Bowling Clubs in over 200 cities in the United States and Canada.” Wait a minute, I don’t think warbonnets are Seneca Indian garb since they’re Iroquois.

16. There’s always one in every bar.

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You mean a horse’s ass? Indeed, I can believe it. Since we already have a horse’s ass in the White House.

17. Protocertops once roamed the Gobi Desert.

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But I’m sure some people might see it as a combination between a Triceratops and a parrot. Seriously, look at that beak.

18. Any of these beautiful candles will make a great gift.

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These are great for entertaining your guests in the basement area where you smoke your pot to the Grateful Dead. Wonder if any of them are scented.

19. Hans and Alice Grossniklaus sell their cheese from their Alpine Cheese chalet mobile.

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And yet, they keep their van open. Despite that cheese often needs refrigeration.

20. Enjoy a toast to fine Alpine wine.

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While Heinrich was fine in his lederhosen, Bertha already had a few drinks. Besides, she thinks that Heinrich looks idiotic in his lederhosen.

21. “Stop Mastitis with Masti-Kure.”

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I think it has something to do with cows since they’re in the background. But there’s a nice collection of large syringes.

22. With Trip-It, you can feed songbirds with ease while baffling squirrels.

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I’m sure squirrels will eventually figure this out. Also, stuffed birds not included.

23. Greetings from Lizzard Butte, Idaho.

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Okay, I can sort of see the point with this rock formation. Yet, for a place called “Lizzard Butte” the sight is disappointing.

24. You can wear this scarf 4 ways.

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Looks include the Pilgrim, the choir singer, the shaky collar, and the preacher. Available at all retail outlets.

25. Come and marvel at the world’s largest cereal plant.

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If anyone wants me to admire an industrial plant, the architecture has to be amazing. This is not.

26. Sagebrush is Nevada’s state flower.

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Apparently, this postcard really doesn’t show the sagebrush’s splendor. Seems more like a bunch of desert bushes.

27. “Here’s the paper, here’s the ink, and here’s the toner.”

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I guess this is a very old timey printer. Yet, despite her smiling, Gladys isn’t exactly thrilled with showing the new recruits how to maintain one of these stupid machines.

28. Come to the Steiff Museum to see Susi and Fiffy.

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The cats are actually fine in this. But the taxidermy mice are straight from nightmares.

29. The office coffee maker should always match the table.

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She seems so happy getting the coffee at the office. Too bad she can’t poison it before giving the cup to her boss.

30. Enjoy the taste of Valleydale Honee Weenees.

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You know weenee also has a different connotation. Also note the guy on the left on the wrapper has a very long trombone.

31. Having a party? They’ll cover your catering.

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On second thought, I don’t think so. Most of what’s on these platters is disgusting. Save for the cake and buns.

32. Aluminum siding is an investment in better living.

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The house isn’t quite bad. But the chimney sort of seems like the owner’s trying to signal to aliens.

33. Shop and win this imported ceramic decorator set.

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Comment from Bad Postcards: “Holiday generosity – or passive aggressive rage? Innocent holiday table-ware – or slightly disguised alter pieces to H.P. Lovecraft’s Elder Gods?”

34. Wow your guests with Wetzstein’s all white meat cooked turkey.

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What the hell is this? I heard it’s called turkey cake. However, I think it’s really disgusting.

35. Anyone could enjoy these fireplace logs.

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Actually these are fake and only used for decoration. Also, the fires seem like they’re electric and don’t seem to ignite well.

36. A lady’s razor always needs a stylish pouch.

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The razor should also be decorated with painted flowers. Oh, and you should shave in front of your vanity instead of in the bathtub.

37. Buy from us and we’ll give you this “Gracious Living” set.

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And it’s on rooster pattern. God, this looks really ugly. Seriously, why?

38. Feel free to dine in The Wolf’s Den.

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Here Lula comes across her ideal man. Big, strong, and unapologetically savage.

39. In a mood for a catfight?

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It’s just a taxidermy depicting 2 cougars fighting. Nonetheless, it almost looks like the real thing. Almost.

40. Come down to Miami to meet Alan Shepard, John Glenn, and Scott Carpenter.

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Yet, all these guys have had their souls removed after returning from earth. So they’re all now lifeless zombies wandering the planet.

41. Come in and dine at Ft. Lauderdale’s Polynesian Room.

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Includes Polynesian cuisine and quality entertainment. Introducing scantily clad women with hula skirts and shirtless men. Check out the neon tiki images.

42. Wheatlands Motel gives you all the necessary amenities.

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“Home of the Blue Angels while in Garden City, Kansas.” Too bad their bright orange flight suits reminds me of prison uniforms.

43. “Having fun at Bradley Beach, New Jersey.”

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Don’t really seem like having fun to me. Not even the kids. Then again, they must’ve just seen Chris Christie pass by.

44. New York’s Georgian Hotel has a heart-shaped tub in every room.

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I don’t know about you. But if I were that woman, I wouldn’t spend one more minute in that tub with her creepy boyfriend. Seriously, he looks so creepy. Also, the mirrors really kill the mood.

45. Bob and Jimmie Nusca serve the Lord in Bangladesh.

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They seem more like doctors than missionaries. While the husband seems like an old Dr. House on happy pills.

46. In Van Nuys, California, come down and eat at the Valley Ho.

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For God’s sake, this is a family restaurant like Denny’s. Not a whorehouse. Who’d even have such a demented idea?

47. Greetings from Dancing Waters in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin.

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Seeing this neon light and fountain display, you’d think Wisconsin Dells was the Midwest equivalent to Las Vegas. Not sure if it’s true. But did they have to use all that red?

48. Here we come to a man harvesting peanuts in Dixie.

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On one hand, peanut cultivation wasn’t widespread until after the American Civil War. On the other hand, the South employed blacks as sharecroppers in agricultural work. Either way, I’m sure he’s not harvesting peanuts on his own land or for a sufficient wage.

49. Check out this gigantic power dam.

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It’s called the Moses-Saunders Dam, which extends from Canada to New York. Wonder if a beaver can build anything remotely like that.

50. Cardinal Francis Spellman meets Pope John XXIII.

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To have wax figures of either man like this is pure blasphemy. Also, someone doesn’t seem to like Spellman too much since he looks like a corrupt churchman.

51. Wish you were here at Auburn Prison.

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I don’t know about you. But why the hell would anyone want to visit a prison town? It might be nice. But the town is built around a prison.

52. Here we have 2 bull moose duking it out in the forest.

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Located in Gaylord, Michigan. Still, this seems more like a painting than a taxidermy display.

53. If you think your life is bad, look at a cow who’s stepped on her udder.

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Sorry, but I don’t think a cow can step on her udders. Think it’s physiologically impossible.

54. Mr. Tibbles closes in for the kill.

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Here a he climbs a tree to catch a bird carrying a salt shaker. So he really means business.

55. Come and enjoy the hunt for deer and duck in the great outdoors of New Jersey?

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When I think of New Jersey, I don’t imagine people hunting. Mostly because people don’t go to New Jersey to hunt animals.

56. It’s no wonder Birmingham, Alabama is seen as the “Pittsburgh of the South.”

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This postcard should actually read, “Greetings from Hell.” Because it looks more like a place where bad people go when they die.

57. These water skiers show a display of their Southern pride.

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While at best they’re showing their racial insensitivity and willful ignorance to Civil War history. At worst, they’re proclaiming to the world that they’re racist.

58. At Finocchio’s you’ll find fabulous female impersonators.

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Think of it as the old-timey version of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Some are even dressed from the 1920s.

59. The University of Illinois presents the Luther League of America.

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Comment from Bad Postcards: “At first I thought this was Lex Luthors secret society lair. Not just from the name, they honestly look pretty similar. “

60. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

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Indeed coffee may be strong. But Rosie’s added some arsenic, strychnine, and cyanide to enhance the flavor.

61. Perhaps you’d like to drop by for harvest time in Montana.

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I’m sure Montana has more interesting scenery than this. So they grow grain there, big deal. Can’t they have more pictures of Glacier before global warming makes it disappear?

62. Perhaps you’d like a large gourmet dinner with lobster.

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I’m sure the dinner doesn’t come cheap. Still, the soup looks really disgusting.

63. Death Valley is the Devil’s golf course.

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Wrong, everyone knows the Devil’s golf course is Mar-A-Lago in Florida. Or in Bedminster, New Jersey. Or wherever he owns a golf club.

64. Would you like to hear a poem about the seahorse?

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They forgot to mention that the female lays her eggs in the male’s body before she takes off. While the babies hatch inside him. Yes, seahorse reproduction is very messed up.

65. “Don’t you ever get tired of the same old bull?”

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If used as an expression, it’s not that bad. But if you use cows, then there’s a sexual connotation. Though to be fair, most farms would usually have one bull anyway.

66. This girl delights in using the family vacuum cleaner.

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There’s something really wrong with her. Since most kids hate chores. And I loathe vacuum cleaners that I avoid them like the plague.

67. This group always dons the robes with the white hoods.

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For a second, you’d almost take them for cult members. Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised.

68. Enjoy some South Sea fun at a Florida luau.

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While she dances, the drummer behind her watches her move. If he loses a beat, you know he’s distracted.

69. This dog wishes you a Merry Christmas.

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Look, a dog in a Christmas gift box may seem cute. But for the love of God, please don’t give live puppies or any other live animal for Christmas. A dog is a decade long commitment and responsibility, not a present since many Christmas puppies end up abandoned.

70. “Now, where did I park my car?”

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If you’re asking that question in a high snowy place like this, you might be in trouble. After all, that car can be several feet up in snow by now.

The Roadside World of Billboards

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Let’s face it, advertising is everywhere. Wherever you go and whatever you do, you’re still bound to see some kind of ad promoting some kind of product or service. After all, a business has to sell somehow and some way. Even in a rural area, whenever you’re traveling, chances are you’ll see all kinds of billboard signs advertising local businesses and services nearby. Some may even have public service announcements or political messages. Some may just promote products like fast food or beer. But whenever you travel, you’ll still see them. Nevertheless, you’ll come across some billboards with unique designs and funny slogans. And that’s where I come in. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasury of billboards that won’t make you bored to tears. Some of these may not be safe for work by the way.

  1. Come to Pedro’s south of the border.
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Not sure if using “sausage” is a good idea. Oh, I get it, it’s supposed to be “saw such.” My mistake.

2. Best to drive carefully through Branxton.

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Since it has 2 cemeteries and no hospital. So if you get injured, you’re out of luck.

3. Of course, some people just have to bring their personal lives out for everyone to see.

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Look, I know you’re hurting, Emily. But please, I think airing your anger on a billboard makes you seem like a crazy bitch.

4. Stop in at Big Dick’s Halfway Inn.

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Okay, this sounds kind of dirty for a rest stop. I’m sure “Original Minnow Shot” will have its own Urban Dictionary entry real soon.

5. With Esurance, you can cover your home in a click.

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Sure you might not see anything wrong with this message. But look at it from far away, and it says, “cover your home in a dick.”

6. This billboard was brought to you by Financial Arts, Inc.

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However, if you’re looking for anything silent but deadly, I don’t think their website will offer it. Though I don’t know what financial arts are anyway.

7. Pollo Tropical always offers island flavor.

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But they aren’t great choosing a font. Since the “island” part also reads bland, which won’t attract potential customers.

8. Your Local 5 is here when you need to know.

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Though the headline doesn’t help matters. Seriously, people might get the wrong idea.

9. Since you only live once, try to be happy.

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Brought to you by Wilks Funeral Home. Hey, at least they know how to cash in on a trend.

10. Spend your time at this golf range.

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This place boasts about great balls and grass. I know people might get the wrong idea.

11. If you need any help, call these guys.

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But what do these people do? Who are these people are? Seriously, I really don’t know.

12. Want to fly? Text while you drive.

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But I don’t think that kind of flying involves a plane. More likely involves a car crash.

13. Live the extreme with the Air Force Reserve.

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Since when did the Air Force do wind surfing? Not that I want to join since I don’t. But I need to know this.

14. Scandinavian Designs has their biggest sale ever.

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That woman doesn’t seem excited for some reason. In fact, she reminds me of a scream queen from a horror movie who’s freaked out about getting killed.

15. At Construct 2, we make computer games.

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Yet, this one seems to depict rather childish drawings. Perhaps they should’ve gone with state of the art graphics instead.

16. You can expect great care at Cancer Care Center.

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Don’t think that’s good for their ad campaign. Seriously, that pun goes nowhere.

17. Hope you can get a nice pair of these undies.

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Too bad this billboard ad was made by someone who couldn’t type. Seriously, the capitalization is nuts.

18. Lowe’s always takes care of unfinished projects.

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Well, at least Lowe’s knows how to advertise. Since that billboard looks unfinished to me.

19. She caught her cheating husband with state of the art equipment.

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I think ads like these belong on Craigslist. Not on billboards for all to see.

20. Cops hide here. So get a Mini Cooper.

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Sure the Mini Cooper is small. But an ad implying that cops hide behind the bushes is disturbing.

21. Want to see your teeth as we do? Go to Aspen Dental.

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I know she’s smiling. But it’s a frown upside down. That don’t look right.

22. Want to see the largest continent? Fly on Air Asia.

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Well, that’s a clever way to use puns. Hope it goes over the kids.

23. Got hemorrhoids? Tampa Proctology is at your service.

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Come in through the rear entrance. And please, no butt dials.

24. Want to enjoy Minnesota? Move to Wisconsin.

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Someone doesn’t seem to appreciate Minnesota very much. But this is from a Wisconsin real estate agency.

25. When burying your dead loved one, think outside the box.

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This is for a cemetery. But when they say to think outside the box, they usually don’t mean a coffin.

26. Don’t read enough? Try these audiobooks.

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I know some Americans may be offended by this. But this company is from Canada. Still, I’d replace the George W. Bush image with Donald Trump.

27. Your breasts won’t bounce with this bra.

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I don’t get the slogan. “Only the ball should bounce,” what the hell does that mean?

28. Seems like this billboard might’ve caused a car crash.

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Apparently, sex sells. Since this is for a mechanic’s garage. Guess they know how to drum up good business.

29. Is your wife hot? Get your air conditioning fixed.

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Well, that’s sure to get people’s attention. Though I’m not sure if it’s appropriate.

30. Got arrested? Call Jaeger & Blanker.

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Got to like their number 1-855-WTF-POPO. Though they seem to specialize in drugs and DUIs.

31. Seems like this lobster had to see a therapist.

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This is for an Australian lobster joint. Not sure why it featured cartoon lobsters in therapy.

32. The Dark Knight is open for litigation.

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Okay, his name just happens to be Batman. Wonder if he gets any flack from that. Couldn’t hurt his business.

33. Life Church TV is known to vanquish Satan.

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Not always a fan of religious billboards. But I think this one is quite clever if you ask me.

34. Texas Direct Auto loves your headlights.

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This is for a car buying service. And I don’t think the cars they buy aren’t anywhere nice.

35. Invest in your future, study engineering before sex.

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Funny how this ad implies you can’t have sex and study engineering. But still, use protection.

36. Asian Buffet: Poor English but great food.

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Though Asians will certainly find this sign quite offensive. This especially with the addition of “Oriental.”

37. Buy a diamond ring for her and get a free gun.

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Well, that’s one way to drum up business. Yet, should a jeweler really do this?

38. Alcohol: Cheaper than therapy.

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This is for a discount liquor store. Though between alcohol and therapy, I’d stick with therapy.

39. If you can bank anywhere, go with 1st Bank.

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Yet, why it has a surgeon operating, I don’t have the slightest idea. Seriously, banking shouldn’t be on your mind while cutting someone open.

40. Keep your butt covered.

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This one recommends that people get colonoscopies. Yet, why show someone’s butt cheeks, I don’t have a clue.

41. Fat and ugly? Join Fit 4 Less.

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Well, that’s a rather demeaning message. From a billboard in Great Britain, by the way.

42. Get your crabs at Dirty Dick’s Crab House.

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It’s a crab restaurant at Myrtle Beach. Yet, I see the dirty wordplay which would make many want to avoid it.

43. Spend time with your kids at the dinner table. Put family first.

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I know it’s supposed to encourage family togetherness. Yet, it seems to imply cannibalism.

44. Come to Buc-ee’s for food and gas.

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I know it’s just a run of the mill rest stop. Yet, kind of implies that the food you eat will give you gas.

45. Seems like we’ve come across a personal ad.

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Well, if you can afford a billboard, you can afford a spouse. Still, not sure about displaying one’s phone number though.

46. Texting while driving kills. But if you want to know more just text.

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Guess this is proof that irony knows no bounds. But seriously, texting while driving kills.

47. Got a DUI? Call 1-800-NOT-DRUNK.

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The fact so many people get DUIs can make this guy have a firm like this. Kind of a sad statement of our society.

48. So, what’s our slogan?

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Guess whoever made this billboard was totally high at the time. Wonder if it’s from Colorado.

49. Want to know information concerning your health and safety? See other side.

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And they seem to make it so urgent. But they wasted a whole space for the typography.

50. Save the whales. Go vegetarian and lose weight.

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This is from PETA, by the way. And yes, they have to get their message out their through fat shaming. Is there anything they wouldn’t do?

51. In advertising, it’s best to use only what you need.

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This one only uses a small orange square to get to the point. The rest is just bare.

52. Whether Pokémon or STDs, gotta catch ’em all.

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Not sure if Pokémon font is appropriate for this kind of matter. Seriously, why?

53. Committed a crime? Call Larry L. Archie.

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Famous clients include O.J. Simpson, Casey Anthony, George Zimmerman, and more. Okay, I’m just kidding. But that slogan’s just waiting to be mocked.

54. Serenity Creek Med Spa will get you from Sasquatch to smooth.

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So Bigfoot was basically a gorgeous blond woman inside the whole time. Didn’t see that coming.

55. Introducing Scooter, the neutered cat.

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Wonder what this is for. Bet it’s for a shelter or vet office.

56. Unfortunately, nothing can end hunger in Ohio.

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I think this is website. Still, kind of sends a rather dark message.

57. Greetings, from Quartzite, Arizona!

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Even includes, legends of camels. And it’s always the weekend there, except for people who live there. Since they have to work. Seems like someone’s desperate for tourists.

58. Don’t want to be caught dead in that dress? Tell the funeral home now.

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This is for a funeral home. Not sure if I agree with the slogan but it seems to work.

59. Illiterate? Write for free help.

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So if you’re illiterate, how can you write for free help. Because I don’t get it at all.

60. Prevent HIV and get tested with this crew.

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But I don’t know if this is the kind of way to get the message out. But whatever works for the kids.

61. Truth Ministry: where you can pray the Asian away.

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Boy, that’s racist. Guaranteed to work as well as gay conversion therapy like not at all with abusive side effects.

62. Don’t forget to turn your neighbors in.

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Not sure what this is for. But it’s kind of disturbing if you ask me.

63. Your local sheriff wishes you a happy Valentine’s Day.

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Well, that’s kind of awkward. Mostly because sheriffs don’t take billboards for Valentine’s Day.

64. Got man boobs? Call this number.

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This is from Minnesota, by the way. Not sure if I’d want to see that on the road though.

65. With the Daily Mail, both Kims are on the same page.

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Have to admit, at least the Daily Mail has a better ad campaign than the Post Gazette. Though I wouldn’t want to be associated with either Kim.

66. With Lean Plum, engage the shit out of your mobile users.

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Even uses the famous poop emoji. Though it’s only fair.

67. You’ll have liquor all over at Lee’s discount liquors.

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Says they have 17 Las Vegas locations. So even if it does well, it has a lot of competition.

68. Injured? Go to MyBaldLawyer.com.

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Well, at least he embraces his baldness. But not sure if him telling onlookers not to pull their hair out is a good idea.

69. Got a crack in your basement floor? Call the Crack Team.

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Even presents a guy named Mr. Happy Crack. Saying, “A dry crack is a happy crack!” That just cracks me up.

70. McDonald’s is always open at 6 am.

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Says “MY ASS.” Not sure what it means. But it’s hilarious.

71. Don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets as well as your loved ones.

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Not sure if you should neuter your weird friends and relatives. Don’t know what to think about that.

72. Inspire the youth, control the future.

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However, using a quote by Adolf Hitler on your billboard won’t give you any favors. Seriously, the guy killed about 6-9 million Jews and started World War II.

73. Don’t be a pickle and stop vegetable abuse.

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This is for a sex shop. Yet, I really feel bad for that pickle.

74. According to Restored Church, God likes sex.

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Though I guess the sex God loves is between a straight married couple. I’m just guessing in regards to this church.

75. Sask always tells you to pork the one you love.

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This is for pork. But pork is also another euphemism for fuck, which they use on Honest Trailers.

76. You can reach this website as soon as you solve the problem.

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Unless you’re math genius, you’ll never be able to guess. And I wouldn’t recommend you using a calculator while driving.

77. Before you put up a billboard, always run it through spellcheck.

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I don’t think “pubic schools” is the right word for it. Apparently, their public schools don’t seem great at spelling.

78. Marital problems? Get a bigger house.

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Well, that’s how realtors look at it. Still, I think a bigger house won’t solve anyone’s relationship problems.

79. Store your things in Bitterroot Self-Storage.

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On Cemetery Lane, apparently. Gives a whole new meaning of “self-storage,” doesn’t it?

80. Want to wreck? Just keep looking at the boobies.

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That will certainly do the trick. Since guys are said to be attracted by big boobs.

81. Injured? Call Brown & Brown.

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Don’t mind the man in the eyepatch. Though I’m not sure if it helps their brand of success.

82. Save the date for the Testicle Festival.

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You’ll have to be nuts to miss it. Make no balls about it.

83. Need help? Consider hiring a lady lawyer.

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So she’s playing the woman card, isn’t she? Seriously, I’m a woman and I don’t think my gender makes me good at arguing.

84. With Virgin America, flying to Chicago no longer blows.

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Well, “blows” can also mean sucks. So they didn’t think this pun through.

85. You can even use a billboard to promote yourself.

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After all, he spent a whole lot of money to get noticed. So somebody should hire him.

86. Annoyed by higher taxes in Illinois? Move to Indiana.

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Keep in mind that Indiana has loose gun control laws that contribute to Chicago’s high murder rate. Look it up in regards to gun trafficking.

87. Need a summer job? Try being a kept woman.

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Okay, that’s just downright sick. And they’re targeting this sign for students? Makes me want to barf.

88. Get your sit together and buckle up.

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Yet, the buckle is covered in the middle. Makes you imagine a different term entirely.

89. At Lou Redman’s Barstool’s and Dining, check out their stool samples.

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Well, they sell stools and chairs, what do you expect? And no, they’re not talking about that kind of stool.

90. Just pop the question with a ring from Robbins Diamonds.

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And here she’s flipping the bird to drivers. So stop by before she dumps you’re sorry ass.

91. Why is Justin Bieber so sad? Is it because so many teens are unemployed?

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No, because teen employment isn’t as big of deal. Besides, Justin Bieber doesn’t care about anything but himself.

92. Still a virgin? We can help.

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Is this an escort service or a brothel? Not sure if I want to know.

93. Keep country roads safe. Don’t drive like a wanker.

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Wanker is a British expression for jackass. Yet, you see what they mean.

94. Outhouse Springs provides you with America’s first recycled water.

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Okay, I don’t want to drink that. Who knows what that water has been through.

95. Get a free HIV test for Mom.

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Look, I know it’s supposed to project tenderness between a mother and son. But since I know how HIV is transmitted, this scene gives me Manchurian Candidate vibes.

96. Camerman  wishes dog guy happy holidays.

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Now that’s kind of weird. Wonder if it’s inspired by some acid trip. Oh, it’s for Adult Swim.

97. Hey, you can win a free booby prize if you follow the link.

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Wonder if the booby prize involves boobs. Or if that’s just used to entice viewers.

98. All he wants for Christmas is a Latina girlfriend.

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Let’s hope he’s not a Trump supporter. If so, he’ll have is work cut out for him.

99. Gary wants to know if you’re asking for it?

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No, I am not. And I don’t want to ask him either. Also, that mullet is ugly.

100. Hold it in, you’ll make it. Just drive through the exit.

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I know we all feel that way at one time or another. Best we get some encouragement now and then.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Sixth Edition)

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As August rolls around, we are now in the thick of summer vacation season. And here I open my sixth postcard post with a destination that sees a lot of tourism this time of year. I’m talking about Florida, the land of sunshine, Disney World, beaches, Everglades, Cape Canaveral, hurricanes, political dysfunction, climate change endangerment, sink holes, and crazy tabloid news stories not involving celebrities. Florida is a state with something for everyone unless you’re into stuff like winter, higher elevations, dry land, Medicaid expansion, social justice for poor and minorities, fair election practices, home owner’s insurance, ecological stability, or any sense of normalcy. Let’s just say it’s a great place to visit but not somewhere I’d want to live. Still, I probably have more crazy vintage postcards on these kind of posts than from any other state. Mostly because Florida has always been a huge tourist destination since the early 20th century thanks to Gilded Age railroad construction, a couple real estate booms, and the inventions of air conditioning and highways. But even before Disney World, it had seen a lot of vacationers. Another reason is that a lot of these postcards contain a lot of weird shit. Still, I can show you some picturesque vintage postcards which will bore you to tears. So I’ll stick to the crazy postacards instead for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.

  1. In 1962, Seattle was home to the world’s largest birthday cake.

And no, it wasn’t for Bill Gates or Starbucks either. Still, you could probably feed all of Seattle with it.

2. A long hoagie like this would make Subway seethe with envy.

Yet, George didn’t hide his disdain having to assemble that sandwich on minimum wage. I’m sure we’ve been this guy at one point in our lives.

3. Matanuska is well-known for its large cabbage.

Actually it’s a place in Alaska known for its glacier and Sarah Palin. But you wouldn’t know that from the postcard. Also, you can see Russia from it.

4. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Tony Canepa and his dancing family.

He and his wife always dreamed of having as many children for their own football team. That or they wanted a chorus line.

5. Washington state’s Cape Disappointment surely lives up to its name.

Well, at least the name’s honest. Caption reads: “Rugged outcropping of land guarding the mouth of the Mighty Columbia River. This area is referred to as the ‘Graveyard of the Pacific’ and here is seen the lighthouse to guide the sailors.”

6. Of course, not everyone can smile when their dad runs for office.

Only the St. Bernard seems happy in this photo. I can totally understand why the guy’s family wants to be supportive. Yet, on the other hand, it might mean lots of adjustment.

7. How about a big “howdy” from Texas?

That has to be one of the freakishly horrifying giant cowboys I’ve seen in my life. For the love of God, take that down before it haunts my dreams.

8. Who remembers the Acromaniacs a.k.a. The Three Little Bakers?

Or as some call them, “Those three rich assholes who saw themselves better than anyone. And would shove people into lockers when no teacher was looking.”

9. At this little mini town, Sadie can now emulate Raquel Welch from Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.

Okay, I’m just kidding on that one. But still, I wouldn’t trust a kid near stuff like that.

10. Crawford’s Market brings the World Largest Cheese to the LA County Fair.

Still, you don’t see Alice in Dairy Land cut the cheese. For a silent and deadly stench may doom us all.

11. Cash will always make the holidays happier.

From Bad Postcards: “It looks like the girl is getting ready to vomit on her brother’s present.” The dad doesn’t seem too thrilled either.

12. Looks like it’s happy hour wherever this guy is.

Looks like someone’s cocktail could use a little more cowbell. Not sure how that would work out.

13. “This Attractive New Work Handling Equipment Cuts Work Handling Costs!”

That slogan sounds redundant and vague. Also, that woman looks like she wants whoever’s talking to shut up.

14. “Oh, Suzy, why do you always have to look at trains? It’s most unladylike.”

“Why can’t you be normal and read magazines other girls like such as celebrity tabloids? Or ones catering to feminine insecurities?”

15. Bonat hair dryers are fit for any beauty salon these days.

After all, on the Enterprise, you’d need different dryers for different kinds of hair. Not sure which one a Klingnon would use.

16. This BTC Beverage Cooler chills up to 288 bottles.

Also great for freezing the remains of your dead husband you murdered for the insurance money. I’m no one will recognize Charlie after Mildred has chopped off his limbs and torso.

17. Nobody could ever resist Halliday plastics for the home.

From Bad Postcards: “I’ll take two plastic dresses, a plastic clown, and the stackable plastic bowls. Figure my bill, please. I’m running late for a Tupperware party.” Available at your local landfill, ocean, or beach.

18. The ADDO-X Plus is a well tuned adding machine.

Though Adelaide has thoughts about dropping it on Nancy after work. Because Nancy always has to be better at crunching numbers than her in accounting. She must be stopped.

19. A secretary is never happy without two typewriters on her desk.

She uses one for her office related tasks. And she uses the other for recording thoughts of existential dread in her soul crushing existence.

20. Caryl Richards WIDE WIDE WAVE gives your hair more body to style your hair your way.

Of course, she received her new do from one of Whoville’s finest hair salons. And she looks utterly fabulous.

21. You’re in for a jolly Roger good time with a Pirates of the Caribbean themed bachelor party.

Drinks available will be Captain Morgan and Bacardi rum. Stay for a visit from Captain Jackie Sparebra. So you can yo, ho, ho all night with these ladies.

22. In Washington state, it’s apple picking time.

But keep in mind a woman’s lipstick has to match the color. Also, this could’ve been taken anywhere.

23. In the summertime, there’s nothing more fun than zip-lining. Women love zip-lining.

And she has to do it wearing no helmet whatsoever. Not necessarily a stellar example in safety.

24. Hairstyles Unlimited: for your constant loveliness.

Or the kind of salon you’d imagine Willie Wonka run if he worked as a hairdresser instead of a confectioner. He’d still have slave labor doing the actual styling though.

25. “Millionaire softened water makes me feel so good all over-why not try it?”

Still, how did she get out of the bath with full makeup, perfect hair, and high heeled shoes? I don’t understand it.

26. Huntington Maintenance and Sanitation products ensure quality cleanliness.

Still, this guy is just full of himself. For God’s sake he has his one image on a barrel.

27. “Seasons Greetings from Texas.”

Does it even snow in that state? Cause that just doesn’t look like Texas to me. To think this snow scene is from Texas defies all logical explanation.

28. This bamboo rake will rake in profits for you.

Like you didn’t know money grows on trees. Also, that background looks fake.

29. A beach vacation will always give you fun in the sun.

But with the right hairspray, your hair will be perfect even after hit by a tidal wave. Also, she has bad tan lines that I almost thought her swimsuit fell apart.

30. Here we have a Native American brave emerging from his wigwam.

Now this would be fine if this postcard came from the Midwest. But it’s actually from New York state. So why he’s wearing a warbonnet is beyond me.

31. Always fight for God, country, and flag.

Yet, this kind of imagery reflects the white Christian nationalism that got Donald Trump elected. And despite the pageantry, Trump doesn’t go to church, isn’t a patriot, and sure doesn’t respect the flag.

32. Electrolux gives you cleaning pleasure.

Like how is that a thing? I can’t even fathom that. Vacuums are incessant noise machines, damn it!

33. Behold, the world’s first automatic post office.

Guess this doesn’t make the postal workers happy. Automation has killed a lot of jobs for decades.

34. “How about I aim for that rabbit over there?”

Looking at their faces, I’m not sure if they know what they’re doing. Then again, they may not be aiming at an animal.

35. Come to Ralph’s Restaurant, home of the char-glo steaks.

What’s a char-glo steak? Is it a piece of steak grilled over uranium? Cause I’m not sure if I want to eat that.

36. You don’t know the real meaning of emancipation until you see the giant Abraham Lincoln statue.

On the bright side, at least this cartoonish statue isn’t in Gettysburg. And no, old Abe isn’t giving the finger despite your initial impressions.

37. Beauty Line shutters provide a perfect, “finishing touch.”

For some reason, advertisers seemed believe they can use scantily clad women to sell anything. Also, shutters are mostly considered window dressing these days anyway.

38. Kenny Kangaroo is here to give you fond memories.

For the love of God, keep your kids away from this costumed kangaroo. He may seem friendly but you’ll soon find yourself in a windowless van headed for some rich guy’s sex dungeon in who knows where.

39. Hi there! Heard you missed Sunday school last week.

Courtesy of the First Methodist Church of Stepford, apparently. I think they might be robots. Or folks who lure black people for seniors to assume their identities.

40. Here we come to a man sitting near a world class polar bear from Siberia that he shot and mounted.

Posing with a polar bear might make him feel like a badass. But in reality, he’s probably compensating for something. Seriously, that’s not cool.

41. You’ll always have a ball at the beach.

But it’s all fun and games until little Timmy shits his pants. Then he gets very cranky.

42. The lily pond always has the prettiest flowers.

Yet, she doesn’t seem the least bit disturbed about being a smorgasbord for mosquitoes. And let’s just say you don’t want to get malaria or Zika.

43. At the beach, there’s always “fun among the sea oats.”

You can get plenty of innuendo in this one. Are you feeling the oats?

44. Strategy in WWII hasn’t been brought to life like this before.

This wax display doesn’t seem lifelike at all. Dwight Eisenhower doesn’t seem to be contributing much at all. He’s in the right corner by the way.

45. Crazy Johnnie’s taxidermy has everything for your big game decorating needs.

This is kind of disturbing. Even more disconcerting are the bear stuff and the baby seal mount. Seriously, what monster would kill a baby seal?

46. “Have you had your thermal bath?”

Neither woman seems to mind being wrapped cocoons. For all they know, the staff could kill them in their sleep and throw them in the river.

47. This woman has kind of a cheesy disposition.

Wallace, may I introduce you to the perfect woman. She has all her curds in the right places. So who am I to diss a brie?

48. And you thought a car ride was too much to bear. Not anymore.

Though that bear is kind of small. But I sure don’t want that guy being behind the wheel. Might become lunch on the way.

49. Looks like Wally finally caught that big fish.

However, it makes catching big tuna seem way too easy than it really is. Still, hope that beach doesn’t have a catch and release policy.

50. Come to Groton, Connecticut, “The Submarine Capital of the World.”

The postcard would be fine if it had shown an actual submarine. This is a motorboat. Guess a sub wasn’t available for the photoshoot.

51. Here we witness a dramatic reenactment of the Cherokee Harvest Dance.

Chief Kevin was unimpressed by Pete and Bob’s imitation of Cirque du Soleil. Yet, Margaret was absolutely bored out of her mind.

52. Come to Kalaska, Michigan for the National Trout Festival.

Tonight we feature giant zombie trout that devours fishermen whole with impunity. Many fishing enthusiasts don’t dare face the dreaded fish for fear they’ll never be seen again.

53. Greetings from Daytona Beach, the world’s most famous beach.

And here we have a line of women in swimsuits to entice men to go there. And all pretty much have to look somewhat the same but not wear the same outfit.

54. This little girl caught a fish that couldn’t fit in her wagon.

Sure it’s about as big as she is. And yes, she probably had help from her parents. But can’t you let a little girl be proud of her achievements for God’s sake?

55. “We are looking for you this Sunday.”

Funny how such illustrations in these church postcards make you wonder if there’s something sinister going on. Those people’s faces are incredibly creepy.

56. This Christmas, let R&R Toy be your Santa and make your seasons jolly.

Oh, hell no! Not nightmare Santa Claus. Why the hell is he near that kid? Doesn’t anyone have any idea how dangerous he is around children?

57. Jesus can show you the way toward life.

Because the road to death only leads to a long drop from a cliff. So yes, Jesus saves and not just a lot on your car insurance.

58. Bible Land brings you to a Garden of Life.

Still, admission to this place isn’t cheap. In fact, it will cost you 5 loaves, 2 fishes, and firstborn. Though you can slaughter a lamb and put its blood on your door to avoid paying the last part.

59. The diver has a rather spongy disposition.

Yes, those are some sponges. And no, you shouldn’t use them to clean your house or dishes.

60. An Alaskan wolf is a particularly vicious beast.

Sorry, but taxidermy just doesn’t make this animal look at all intimidating. Besides, wolves aren’t that ferocious except when protecting their cubs.

61. Come to behold the scenic beauty of Balanced Rock.

That’s just a huge boulder. Why the hell does this make a worthy postcard? I don’t understand.

62. Come to Chappaquiddick, Massachusetts to admire the wondrous Dyke Bridge.

You remember this one-lane bridge as the place where Ted Kennedy nearly destroyed his political career. Heard they have a guide to show you where Mary Jo Kopeche died while being trapped in her car.

63. It’s always a magical visit to the Castle of Gnomes.

Don’t worry, kids. They’re just made of porcelain. No, they’re not trying to kill you or haunt your dreams. You just have a vivid imagination. Nothing to see here.

64. You can meet the deer close up at Mt. Rainier National Park.

Still, if a deer loses its fear of humans, that’s not good. Also, that girl, well, I heard her dad’s supposed to be a hairy sasquatch wandering the woods and eluding anyone trying to look for him.

65. Behold, the majestic beauty of the Blowing Rock.

Once again, that’s just a rock. There’s nothing remarkable about it. Besides, how is it supposed to be “blowing?”

66. “Greetings from Kansas.”

Doesn’t look very exciting does it? For God’s sake I think it could attract tourism it included at least a tornado.

67. The Salesmate is a new portable audio-visual selling tool.

You mean they had portable TV you can fold up from a suitcase? Why haven’t I heard of this?

68. “Howdy from Nevada.”

Seems like it consists of a long stretch of a desert highway. Though the purple mountains majesties are pretty. But that’s not why most people go to Nevada.

69. Candle Art Creations always try to please.

I’m sure acid had something to do with some of their designs. Not sure if I’d want any of these in my home.

70. Flower Fresh Cleaning keeps your living room as good as new.

From Bad Postcards: “Housewife Winifred notices that Hank, her Duraclean Man, looks tired from a long day of cleaning and offers him a chair massage. Hank, always the willing reciprocator at house calls, offers Winifred a “special” foot bath that will satisfy two of his fetishes: suds and feet.”

Bon Voyage Vacation Memories

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Here am I in one of the gardens at Richmond, Virginia’s Maymont in 2015 with my parents. This gilded age estate boasts an animal sanctuary, a Victorian mansion, gardens, and an arboretum. And yes, it takes all day to walk through it.

In the swing of the summer, August is usually the time when most people go on vacation. Well, at least in the United States anyway. Mostly because the summer vacation is winding down for the kids who will soon be back to school for the most part. Nevertheless, you will find a lot of people want to cherish such trips forever in their scrap books or photo albums so you have people wanting to take pictures of their family. Or they may want to use the vacation photos in their Christmas card. At any rate, I can show you so many great vacation photos from people’s travels. But you’d probably assume that they’re stock photos and probably not find them interesting. So instead, I’d go to Awkward Family Photos and show pictures that don’t depict precious memories as well as were probably taken at the wrong moment. If you think your vacation photos didn’t turn out right, I hope this post makes you feel better. Because it should.

  1. Greetings from Carnival Cruises!
And what better way to show it than by being photoshopped riding on a dolphin? Yeah, it's pretty obvious.

And what better way to show it than by being photoshopped riding on a dolphin? Yeah, it’s pretty obvious.

2. When you have to answer the call of nature, holding it in can’t wait.

Helps if you bring your own toilet. Yet, you still have to take your crap with you. Or bury it.

Helps if you bring your own toilet. Yet, you still have to take your crap with you. Or bury it.

3. Nothing makes a great family vacation photo like a picture in front of the Golden Gate Bridge.

However, you should always check if the photo shoot location is a nude beach before you take the picture. Else, you might end up with a full moon near the water.

However, you should always check if the photo shoot location is a nude beach before you take the picture. Else, you might end up with a full moon near the water.

4. Remember to always wear a life jacket when you’re on a boat. You’ll never know when it’ll come in handy.

Yeah, seems like we have someone who fell overboard on the rapids. Don't worry, Sadie, Mom's got you covered.

Yeah, seems like we have someone who fell overboard on the rapids. Don’t worry, Sadie, Mom’s got you covered.

5. “And here is the whole family at the hotel witnessing some guy being taken to the emergency room.”

Guy being taken into an ambulance: Not funny. Family posing for a vacation photo while a guy's being taken into an ambulance: hilarious.

Guy being taken into an ambulance: Not funny. Family posing for a vacation photo while a guy’s being taken into an ambulance: Hilarious.

6. Sometimes a Disney World wedding proposal can be so perfect, save for that one pesky tourist who got in the way.

Given that Disney is usually crowded as hell, you have to expect these things. Yeah, that's a photobomb to remember.

Given that Disney is usually crowded as hell, you have to expect these things. Yeah, that’s a photobomb to remember.

7. Travel to the wonderful picturesque scenery of LaCroaca Beach.

Apparently, this family came since they heard it was a "Super Fun Zone." Little did they know it was actually a "Superfund Zone." Very different connotation.

Apparently, this family came since they heard it was a “Super Fun Zone.” Little did they know it was actually a “Superfund Zone.” Very different connotation.

8. There’s nothing like spending a great vacation with your dad.

However, a father and son photo is not the kind of picture for an old man in a speedo. You can't unsee that.

However, a father and son photo is not the kind of picture for an old man in a speedo. You can’t unsee that.

9. “No, I don’t want to sit with the Squid Lady!”

Then again, I can't really blame the kid. That woman really looks like a sea monster coming after him.

Then again, I can’t really blame the kid. That woman really looks like a sea monster coming after him.

10. “On second thought, maybe taking Sparky with us wasn’t a good idea.”

Yeah, I don't think the dog should be sniffing up that woman's skirt. Really ruins the moment.

Yeah, I don’t think the dog should be sniffing up that woman’s skirt. Really ruins the moment.

11. Sometimes it helps to know what the animals are doing before taking pictures of young children at the zoo.

Apparently, the older brother has some fascination with Humping, Humping Hippos. As for the girl, well, she's probably watched enough nature shows to know what's going on.

Apparently, the older brother has some fascination with Humping, Humping Hippos. As for the girl, well, she’s probably watched enough nature shows to know what’s going on.

12. On the water, always try to hold onto the raft.

Or else you can go flying out of the boat or into the water. Luckily he has on his life jacket.

Or else you can go flying out of the boat or into the water. Luckily he has on his life jacket.

13. Here are the Hendersons in the cave with Perry the Polar Bear.

And it seems like Perry wants to take Mrs. Henderson and Leslie for a tasty meal afterwards. Then again, Perry may be some really gigantic and ugly Arctic Ferret for all I care.

And it seems like Perry wants to take Mrs. Henderson and Leslie for a tasty meal afterwards. Then again, Perry may be some really gigantic and ugly Arctic Ferret for all I care.

14. Apparently, Grandpa didn’t take to surfing very well.

Sure it's a photo op. But the grandfather really seems to be in distress here. Not a happy camper in the least.

Sure it’s a photo op. But the grandfather really seems to be in distress here. Not a happy camper in the least.

15. On Carnival Cruise Lines, you can have your picture taken with your favorite Latin American stereotype.

Seems like this family went with a Mexican bandito. And no, he don't need no stinkin' badges.

Seems like this family went with a Mexican bandito. And no, he don’t need no stinkin’ badges.

16. “Just let me finish this one level of Donkey Kong.”

I don't know about you. But I think when you're on vacation, best leave the video games at home. And definitely not play them on Splash Mountain.

I don’t know about you. But I think when you’re on vacation, best leave the video games at home. And definitely not play them on Splash Mountain.

17. “Son, it’s about time that I introduce you to the tradition of lederhozen.”

I have no idea why lederhozen exists. But this is certainly a picture this boy will certainly not want his classmates to see.

I have no idea why lederhozen exists. But this is certainly a picture this boy will certainly not want his classmates to see.

18. Despite what some parents think, sometimes you’re better off not getting your teenage children matching swimsuits.

This guy must be a brave man to wear a hot pink speedo. Guess this is what guys have to go through if they have sisters.

This guy must be a brave man to wear a hot pink speedo. Guess this is what guys have to go through if they have sisters.

19. Apparently, there was a massive Pooh epidemic in town.

In fact, there was Pooh everywhere as far as the eye can see. And we mean literally everywhere.

In fact, there was Pooh everywhere as far as the eye can see. And we mean literally everywhere.

20. Sometimes your destination may include interesting venue names.

This is a leather working shop. Hopefully, little Cindy doesn't understand what "Cow's Ass" means by this point.

This is a leather working shop. Hopefully, little Cindy doesn’t understand what “Cow’s Ass” means by this point.

21. Apparently, Mr. Grizzly was not in a good mood that day.

Well, at least there's a fence so the bear won't attack anybody. Then again, the fence doesn't seem that effective. Unless it's electric.

Well, at least there’s a fence so the bear won’t attack anybody. Then again, the fence doesn’t seem that effective. Unless it’s electric.

22. Seems like the Flanders family went to the sharks.

Relax, they were at an aquarium in North Carolina and got their picture there. Interesting, they chose a shark backdrop for it.

Relax, they were at an aquarium in North Carolina and got their picture there. Interesting, they chose a shark backdrop for it.

23. Since her was a pup, Rascal always wanted to see the Grand Canyon.

But once he got there, he wasn't impressed with the view. Nobody knows why.

But once he got there, he wasn’t impressed with the view. Nobody knows why.

24. Seems like Jimmy is enjoying the family trip to Hawaii this year.

Sorry, kid, but I'm afraid the hula girl's not interested. Don't take it personally.

Sorry, kid, but I’m afraid the hula girl’s not interested. Don’t take it personally.

25. Welcome to Arkansas where they all come fully loaded.

Let's hope this kid isn't holding a real assault rifle. Because this photo is incredibly disturbing. Really.

Let’s hope this kid isn’t holding a real assault rifle. Because this photo is incredibly disturbing. Really.

26. Unfortunately, some families are bound to experience some vacation dismemberment.

This is actually a botched attempt of a panorama picture. As you see, it did not go well at all.

This is actually a botched attempt of a panorama picture so no actual dismemberment took place. But looking at it…

27. There’s nothing better than a family vacation to Disney World which is the happiest place on earth.

The Sadlers seemed to think otherwise. From their faces, they probably became disappointed once they saw how long the lines were for the rides.

The Sadlers seemed to think otherwise. From their faces, they probably became disappointed once they saw how long the lines were for the rides.

28. You can’t have a family vacation without a soak in a Jacuzzi.

I see these kind of pictures a lot and they always seem awkward. A few of the guys can't hide their discomfort for the picture. No wonder.

I see these kind of pictures a lot and they always seem awkward. A few of the guys can’t hide their discomfort for the picture. No wonder.

29. “Honey, do you know where Travis is? You told me he was in the tent.”

In reality, the kid was on the tent, not in the tent. Still, someone get him off there.

In reality, the kid was on the tent, not in the tent. Still, someone get him off there.

30. Hop aboard the good ship, Hornblower Invader.

To be fair, there is a guy named Hornblower in literature who's a naval officer. But the name can sound so dirty that it just gives me giggles.

To be fair, there is a guy named Hornblower in literature who’s a naval officer. But the name can sound so dirty that it just gives me giggles.

31. Despite being seen as “the happiest place on earth,” we have to accept the fact that Disney World has an insidious dark side.

Oh, my God, Mickey, what the hell are you doing? You're supposed to hug and pose with children, not eat them! Never seen something so horrifying.

Oh, my God, Mickey, what the hell are you doing? You’re supposed to hug and pose with children, not eat them! Never seen something so horrifying.

32. Hop along the Wet Dream, kiddos.

Well, the word "wet dream" has another meaning. But I don't think it's something to tell the kids about till they're older.

Well, the word “wet dream” has another meaning. But I don’t think it’s something to tell the kids about till they’re older.

33. Now Lexie had understood what Jason meant when he talked about “the big one that got away.”

Seems like she's jealous that her boyfriend appears more interested in the fish than in her. I don't think she understands what he has with Big Mouth Billy Bass. And never will.

Seems like she’s jealous that her boyfriend appears more interested in the fish than in her. I don’t think she understands what he has with Big Mouth Billy Bass. And never will.

34. There are some people who love roller coaster rides, then there are people like this.

My dad is totally this girl when it comes to roller coasters. She'll be in for a wild ride.

My dad is totally this girl when it comes to roller coasters. She’ll be in for a wild ride.

35. When you wanted to go see Evanescence but are stuck with going to the family cabin instead.

That girl really stands out in this picture. Then again, you tend to have that with teenagers.

That girl really stands out in this picture. Then again, you tend to have that with teenagers. It’s part of life.

36. When camping, nobody puts baby in a corner but on a post.

Well, that's one way to keep an eye on the baby. Wonder if they had camping high chairs back then. Probably not.

Well, that’s one way to keep an eye on the baby. Wonder if they had camping high chairs back then. Probably not.

37. When naming a geographic location, make sure it doesn’t have unfortunate implications.

Honestly, she's not a hoe. That's just the name of the place. But you get the joke.

Honestly, she’s not a hoe. That’s just the name of the place. But you get the joke.

38. “Watch where you place your hand, Bobby!”

To be fair, the kid doesn't know any better. But yes, it's a very unfortunate placement that you don't want on a Christmas card.

To be fair, the kid doesn’t know any better. But yes, it’s a very unfortunate placement that you don’t want on a Christmas card.

39. Greetings from Park City Mountain Resort!

The place where sibling rivalries are known to intensify. Even on the ski lifts.

The place where sibling rivalries are known to intensify. Even on the ski lifts.

40. This is a great place to see a giant tortoise up close and personal.

In fairness, this seems to be photoshopped by some zoo. Yet, it begs the question why the place would have a mating turtle backdrop to begin with.

In fairness, this seems to be photoshopped by some zoo. Yet, it begs the question why the place would have a mating turtle backdrop to begin with.

41. Think deer are pleasant creatures? Think again.

Man, some animals just don't seem to know fear. Don't worry the girl only received a bruise.

Man, some animals just don’t seem to know fear. Don’t worry the girl only received a bruise.

42. There are some foods that are too much for a seagull to resist.

Then again, seagulls eat almost anything they could get their beaks on. But they especially like fish since they're coastal birds.

Then again, seagulls eat almost anything they could get their beaks on. But they especially like fish since they’re coastal birds.

43. For some reason, the squirrel wanted to smile for the camera.

At first this photo doesn't seem out of the ordinary. Until you see the squirrel facing the camera.

At first this photo doesn’t seem out of the ordinary. Until you see the squirrel facing the camera. Then you wonder if it’s nuts.

44. There are some couples’ vacation photos that beg the question, “Why?”

Guess these two wanted a photo together to embarrass their kids with someday. Future and otherwise.

Guess these two wanted a photo together to embarrass their kids with someday. Future and otherwise.

45. Recently, she’s become a magnet for macaws.

Kind of reminds me of those vintage bikini postcard photos for some reason. Then again, it's quite tame in comparison.

Kind of reminds me of those vintage bikini postcard photos for some reason. Then again, it’s quite tame in comparison.

46. “Hey, that wasn’t supposed to happen on the elephant ride!”

Guess this was how Dumbo was made. Bet Disney didn't show you that. Still, like how one guy seems excited about it.

Guess this was how Dumbo was made. Bet Disney didn’t show you that. Still, like how one guy seems excited about it.

47. Maybe they should’ve hired a better T-shirt designer for the family reunion.

That's a very unfortunate design. Guess the little kid just learned a new curse word.

That’s a very unfortunate design. Guess the little kid just learned a new curse word.

48. When driving around the animals, always keep your window up.

Talk about a traumatizing moment. Hope the boy is all right after that. And has brought a change of clothes.

Talk about a traumatizing moment. Hope the boy is all right after that. And has brought a change of clothes.

49. This old lady is like, “I never want to go on this ride again.”

Since this photo was taken on a water ride, I wouldn't blame her. But that look her face says it all.

Since this photo was taken on a water ride, I wouldn’t blame her. But that look her face says it all.

50.  Woodland scenery always makes a great romantic photo op.

Except when you see two bears mating in the background. Yes, that's what hot grizzly action looks like kids. No joke.

Except when you see two bears mating in the background. Yes, that’s what hot grizzly action looks like kids. No joke.

51. “Sorry, Grandma, but it’s for your own good.”

Pushing your granny off of Niagra Falls. It's the kind of touching family photo only the likes of Alfred Hitchcock would dream of making into a movie.

Pushing your granny off of Niagra Falls. It’s the kind of touching family photo only the likes of Alfred Hitchcock would dream of making into a movie.

52. That moment when you want to take a picture of your kids during nuclear testing.

You got to hope that photoshop was going on here. Otherwise, those kids might be doomed for all we know.

You got to hope that photoshop was going on here. Otherwise, those kids might be doomed for all we know.

53. “Excuse me, but could you take me and my cubs to the salmon spawning grounds?”

That has to make you shit your pants. Seriously, if a bear comes that close to you, stay in the car and drive off. Just do it.

That has to make you shit your pants. Seriously, if a bear comes that close to you, stay in the car and drive off. Just do it.

54. Nothing is more fun than pretending to be African tribesmen killing taxidermied animals.

I know this might be offensive to some people. But I think it's pretty funny. Besides, this picture was taken in the 1970s anyway.

I know this might be offensive to some people. But I think it’s pretty funny. Besides, this picture was taken in the 1970s anyway.

55. At Zakopane, dog sled rides are fun for the whole family.

However, that has to be someone in a polar bear suit. And it seems to have the body of an Abominable Snowman.

However, that has to be someone in a polar bear suit. And it seems to have the body of an Abominable Snowman.

56. “Aaaah! Giraffe Man in the water! Run for your lives!”

This is just too much. Like how everyone seems scared by a guy in a giraffe suit. And he's not nearly as scary as a maneating shark.

This is just too much. Like how everyone seems scared by a guy in a giraffe suit. And he’s not nearly as scary as a maneating shark.

57. When you’re hiking and are the one holding all the equipment.

Apparently, "share the load" doesn't apply to this guy for some reason. Can see why the woman appears to resent him. Hope she gets a free trip to a massage parlor afterwards.

Apparently, “share the load” doesn’t apply to this guy for some reason. Can see why the woman appears to resent him. Hope she gets a free trip to a massage parlor afterwards.

58. Nothing is scarier to children than a banjo playing gator.

Even funnier, that gator is nowhere near intimidating. But the kids are crying anyway.

Even funnier, that gator is nowhere near intimidating. But the kids are crying anyway.

59. Sometimes you never know who you’re going to meet on the road.

Yes, there's a biker gang nearby. No, I don't know if they're just there to admire the scenery. But it's pretty funny.

Yes, there’s a biker gang nearby. No, I don’t know if they’re just there to admire the scenery. But it’s pretty funny.

60. Introducing the “Dad Tan.”

Not sure if those are his tan lines or he doesn't know how to put on sunscreen correctly. Either way, he might need to apply the Aloe Vera.

Not sure if those are his tan lines or he doesn’t know how to put on sunscreen correctly. Either way, he might need to apply the Aloe Vera.

61. When it comes to meth, just let it go before this happens.

Elsa, what the hell happened to you? You look like hell. And you seem like you're in really deep shit, too.

Elsa, what the hell happened to you? You look like hell. And you seem like you’re in really deep shit, too.

62. Here is Tom taking a jump at the Grand Canyon.

Don't worry it's photoshopped. But it sure will freak out his parents.

Don’t worry it’s photoshopped. But it sure will freak out his parents.

63. Your first time on water skis could be a rather crazy experience.

This kid is holding his breath. Wouldn't really blame him either.

This kid is holding his breath. Wouldn’t really blame him either.

64. Sibling rivalry: sometimes it can start at a very young age.

This is bound to give your parents a heart attack. Then again, maybe the other kid lost balance.

This is bound to give your parents a heart attack. Then again, maybe the other kid lost balance.

65. “Aaah! There’s an ostrich at my window!”

I can understand why that woman is screaming. If an ostrich appeared at your car window, you'd feel the same way.

I can understand why that woman is screaming. If an ostrich appeared at your car window, you’d feel the same way.

66. Sometimes moments like these make you wish to have a vacation away from your embarrassing family.

Family vacations can be inescapable things sometimes. Particularly when to posing for crazy photo ops.

Family vacations can be inescapable things sometimes. Particularly when to posing for crazy photo ops.

67. “Who put tomato slices on my legs?”

If I were her, I'd be asking the same question. Then again, she was probably a prank target.

If I were her, I’d be asking the same question. Then again, she was probably a prank target.

68. For some reason, little Cassidy was different from the other girls.

Seems like she's looking a bit grizzly lately. Best to not get on her bad side for the time being.

Seems like she’s looking a bit grizzly lately. Best to not get on her bad side for the time being.

69. You always need a picture with giraffes on a zoo trip.

And I guess the trip became a rather educational experience for this young girl. Or at least when she saw what the giraffes were doing in the background.

And I guess the trip became a rather educational experience for this young girl. Or at least when she saw what the giraffes were doing in the background.

70. When photographing your kids near rocks, make sure they don’t have anything written on them.

Yeah, "get high" is not an appropriate message for children. But it's graffiti so it's not where it's supposed to be anyway.

Yeah, “get high” is not an appropriate message for children. But it’s graffiti so it’s not where it’s supposed to be anyway.

71. Someone wake up Grandma before she’s underwater.

Well, she certainly chose the wrong place to sit at the beach. Don't want to be at the tide.

Well, she certainly chose the wrong place to sit at the beach. Don’t want to be at the tide.

72. Seems like this place is having a ball.

Let's hope this little girl doesn't know what the word, "testicle" means. At least until she's older.

Let’s hope this little girl doesn’t know what the word, “testicle” means. At least until she’s older.

73. Seems like Maisy fell out of the plane.

Don't worry. Her mom and her sister have her. So she's fine. Seriously.

Don’t worry. Her mom and her sister have her. So she’s fine. Seriously.

74. Someone help her before she falls off a cliff.

Again, this is a photoshopped picture designed to freak out parents. But still, it's disturbing.

Again, this is a photoshopped picture designed to freak out parents. But still, it’s disturbing.

75. Someone doesn’t think that Tiggers are wonderful things.

For the girl hiding under the table, Tiggers are the stuff of nightmares. Of great, big, bouncy nightmares.

For the girl hiding under the table, Tiggers are the stuff of nightmares. Of great, big, bouncy nightmares.

76. How about a moon over Manhattan?

I didn't mean that kind of moon. But you can see the photographer was in for a big surprise when this picture developed.

I didn’t mean that kind of moon. But you can see the photographer was in for a big surprise when this picture developed.

77. Someone doesn’t seem to be enjoying their Caribbean vacation.

Then again, the guy's face totally seems photoshopped since he probably wasn't with his folks on the trip to begin with. Doesn't look right at all.

Then again, the guy’s face totally seems photoshopped since he probably wasn’t with his folks on the trip to begin with. Doesn’t look right at all.

78. When everyone’s exhausted on the trip and you’re wanting to see more.

Then again, the baby was probably tiring out the whole family. And might even cry just for the heck of it.

Then again, the baby was probably tiring out the whole family. And might even cry just for the heck of it.

79. This has to be a view from another world.

This is a beach where kids are on leashes and dogs run free. Hopefully the dogs are spayed or neutered.

This is a beach where kids are on leashes and dogs run free. Hopefully the dogs are spayed or neutered.

80. “Did we miss anybody?”

Looks like someone fell off the raft in the rapids. Guess they'll have to go back for him.

Looks like someone fell off the raft in the rapids. Guess they’ll have to go back for him.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Fifth Edition)

vintage_california

Once again, it’s summer vacation season where people travel to some far off destination before having to deal with back to school season. Or if they can afford it and have any vacation days. Because a lot of people in the US don’t. Nevertheless, this California postcard is one of the greats since each block letter shows you each unique feature and destination you can see like the Golden Gate Bridge, Hollywood, Yosemite, the Redwood Forest, Death Valley, the freeways, beaches, orange groves, and more. And it even has the California state house in the corner like that is even necessary. As you might’ve seen before in my previous postcard posts, you might find a lot of them from back in the day. However, though I can show you all the wonderful postcards out there, you might find them incredibly uninteresting. So I’m going to stick with those you might find incredibly ridiculous because I like to play with people’s sense nostalgia. After all, most of these are from the 1950s-1970s anyway. Now for your reading pleasure, enjoy yet another selection of these vintage postcards.

 

  1. We begin with a couple ladies enjoying a thrilling ride down the escalator.
Yes, it's so fun to go down the escalator at the mall. This is especially for the Ooomah Loompah's beautiful daughter. Or Donald Trump's mother, but I don't wish to offend the woman in yellow.

Yes, it’s so fun to go down the escalator at the mall. This is especially for the Ooomah Loompah’s beautiful daughter. Or Donald Trump’s mother, but I don’t wish to offend the woman in yellow.

2. Explore the picturesque view of Bass River State Park, New Jersey.

Either this woman is trying to cover up a major wardrobe malfunction or she's not wearing a bra. Because the way she has her hand on her chest makes me feel quite suspicious.

Either this woman is trying to cover up a major wardrobe malfunction or she’s not wearing a bra. Because the way she has her hand on her chest makes me feel quite suspicious.

3. “And this dress comes with two matching hats.”

I know the print is very atrocious and would better as window drapery. Then again, I apologize to any of my window viewers reading this.

I know the print is very atrocious and would better as window drapery. Then again, I apologize to any of my window viewers reading this.

4. For efficient liquid handling, try Hannay Hose Reels.

Yes, these hose reels are for your garden hose. I know they're industrial looking but that was what they were like at the time.

Yes, these hose reels are for your garden hose. I know they’re industrial looking but that was what they were like at the time.

5. This old man just loves to frolick with his black eyed susans.

I don't know about you. But there's something very unsettling about this old guy. I just don't know what.

I don’t know about you. But there’s something very unsettling about this old guy. I just don’t know what.

6. At Colonial Williamsburg, feel free to put one of our reenactors into the stockade.

However, if you want to harass and throw some rotten produce at her, then you're shit out of luck. But you can still get your picture taken.

However, if you want to harass and throw some rotten produce at her, then you’re shit out of luck. But you can still get your picture taken.

7. Welcome to Oklahoma City from their local Veterettes.

Only in Oklahoma City where you can find a local VFW having its own majorette squad. Bad Postcards adds, "Name changed after its first year as the Veterans of Foreign Warsettes."

Only in Oklahoma City where you can find a local VFW having its own majorette squad. Bad Postcards adds, “Name changed after its first year as the Veterans of Foreign Warsettes.”

8. Hope you enjoy Lolly the Magic Clown making balloon animals.

However, when he's asking for a volunteer, feel free to not raise your hand. Because those who do are never seen again. And those who volunteered to be sawed in half usually meet a grisly end onstage.

However, when he’s asking for a volunteer, feel free to not raise your hand. Because those who do are never seen again. And those who volunteered to be sawed in half usually meet a grisly end onstage.

9. Desmond “the Daffy Diplomat” always knows where the fun is.

Tragically for some people, it involves making volunteers' money magically disappear from their bank accounts. Also what's with the dice on his fingers?

Tragically for some people, it involves making volunteers’ money magically disappear from their bank accounts. Also what’s with the dice on his fingers?

10. More mail for Santa Claus in North Pole, New York.

Due to melting Arctic ice caps caused by climate change, Santa Clause was forced to relocate his operations to a more stable location. He tried to move to Siberia but the Soviets thought he was too much of a capitalist icon. So he settled for upstate New York.

Due to melting Arctic ice caps caused by climate change, Santa Clause was forced to relocate his operations to a more stable location. He tried to move to Siberia but the Soviets thought he was too much of a capitalist icon. So he settled for upstate New York.

11. Lake of the Woods, Minnesota is proud to present to you Willie Walleye.

The area's historical society has a whole page dedicated to this guy as well as plenty of tall tales. So he's sort of like the Paul Bunyan of fish?

The area’s historical society has a whole page dedicated to this guy as well as plenty of tall tales. So he’s sort of like the Paul Bunyan of fish?

12. As we all know, good fences make good neighbors.

However, when it comes to neighborhood fencing, I would prefer something more inviting. Like a wooden picket fence. Because metal ones are more suitable for public places.

However, when it comes to neighborhood fencing, I would prefer something more inviting. Like a wooden picket fence. Because metal ones are more suitable for public places.

13. “Performing in the Last Chance Saloon 3 times daily” are Miss Kitty and her Can-Can dancers.

Sorry, but to me, that just looks like a poorly executed version of Moulin Rouge. Also, fringe underwear? That's stripper wear.

Sorry, but to me, that just looks like a poorly executed version of Moulin Rouge. Also, fringe underwear? That’s stripper wear.

14. Always dress your best during deer hunting season, ladies.

I guess the orange and camo dress code didn't exist at the time. Still, how exactly do you shoot a deer with fur mittens? I don't get it.

I guess the orange and camo dress code didn’t exist at the time. Still, how exactly do you shoot a deer with fur mittens? I don’t get it.

15. I guess this restaurant owner is like, “I use antlers in all of my decorating.”

Okay, I know it's not entirely decorated with antlers, but I couldn't resist that. Nevertheless, I'm sure this restaurant isn't recommended for Mount Lebanon residents.

Breakfast specials include the 4 dozen eggs every morning to help kids get large. The adult version is 5 dozen eggs that will make you roughly the size of a barge. Nevertheless, I’m sure this restaurant isn’t recommended for Mount Lebanon residents.

16. Here we come to what seems to be in an undisclosed location.

Because it really seems like this might be a blood facility with the red liquid and people in scrubs. And it kind of creeps me out.

Because it really seems like this might be a blood facility with the red liquid and people in scrubs. And it kind of creeps me out.

17. From St. Louis, you might remember the Jakovac Tamburica.

From Bad Postcards: "If, by some bizarre turn of events, I become a designer of sex toys, I have the name for my first product." Also, those outfits really don't make their case any better.

From Bad Postcards: “If, by some bizarre turn of events, I become a designer of sex toys, I have the name for my first product.” Yeah, when your band goes by the name Jakovac Tamburica, you might want to reconsider.

18. Welcome to Wildwoods by the Sea, New Jersey, home of the Hellhole.

Of course, some people might think hellhole applies to New Jersey in general. But this one has demonic statue to greet you.

Of course, some people might think hellhole applies to New Jersey in general. But this one has demonic statue to greet you.

19. Come to Wisconsin, home of the world’s largest cheese.

Now that is a hell of a lot of cheese. You have to think of the cows whose milk went to its production.

Now that is a hell of a lot of cheese. You have to think of the cows whose milk went to its production.

20. Of course it’s not every day you find a flying jackalope.

So there's more than one kind of jackalope? Had no idea. Still, this consists of a rabbit, small antlers, and pheasant wing and tail.

So there’s more than one kind of jackalope? Had no idea. Still, this consists of a rabbit, small antlers, and pheasant wing and tail.

21. Come to Rogue River, Oregon, home of the National Rooster Crowing Contest.

Marked by an enormous rooster statue. Has a plumage of green and gold unlike most roosters. Perhaps it symbolizes Rogue River's profits.

Marked by an enormous rooster statue. Has a plumage of green and gold unlike most roosters. Perhaps it symbolizes Rogue River’s profits.

22. In Bemidji, Minnesota, stop by at Morrell’s Chippewa Trading Post.

Sorry, but that wolf looks so demented at the moment that you can't take it seriously. Apparently this place isn't known for its taxidermy.

Sorry, but that wolf looks so demented at the moment that you can’t take it seriously. Apparently this place isn’t known for its taxidermy.

23. Look super hip in Valerie’s “Young Look” belt.

From Bad Postcards: "Looks like she’s trying to put on her best model face while hiding the need to barf up all the bacon and pancakes and syrup being squeezed out of her gut." Also doesn't seem very enthusiastic about having her picture taken.

From Bad Postcards: “Looks like she’s trying to put on her best model face while hiding the need to barf up all the bacon and pancakes and syrup being squeezed out of her gut.” Also doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about having her picture taken.

24. “Uh, dude, can you uncoil me for a moment. You’re kind of suffocating me right now.”

Because strangling is how snakes kill large prey. Still, I have no idea why anyone would want to put that statue on a postcard. It's just crazy.

Because strangling is how snakes kill large prey. Still, I have no idea why anyone would want to put that statue on a postcard. It’s just crazy.

25. From Mansfield, Ohio is country music guitarist Tex Forman.

From Bad Postcards: "Tex, if you’d like to break into a larger market, start by emblazoning your name on your instrument with something other than electrical tape." Yeah, that kind of looks very cheap.

From Bad Postcards: “Tex, if you’d like to break into a larger market, start by emblazoning your name on your instrument with something other than electrical tape.” Yeah, that kind of looks very cheap.

26. “Okay, Snowflake, what is it this time?”

Didn't know Santa even had a white reindeer. Why didn't they even tell us about this?

Didn’t know Santa even had a white reindeer. Why didn’t they even tell us about this?

27. “A portrait grows in value to you.”

Maybe, but that doesn't stop this girl seeming quite creepy. Maybe this was taken when they were searching for actresses for Rhoda in The Bad Seed.

Maybe, but that doesn’t stop this girl seeming quite creepy. Maybe this was taken when they were searching for actresses for Rhoda in The Bad Seed.

28. “What’s that your pointing to, Lucifer?”

Because that's impression I get when I see this. Still, Satan seems like he's some sort of crazy guy you might watch on Game of Thrones.

Because that’s impression I get when I see this. Still, Satan seems like he’s some sort of crazy guy you might watch on Game of Thrones.

29. In Spokane, Washington, feel free to look at the world’s largest bear.

Uh, couldn't he just take a picture of it and hang it somewhere? Seriously, why he kill it as a trophy? Something tells me he might be compensating for something.

Uh, couldn’t he just take a picture of it and hang it somewhere? Seriously, why he kill it as a trophy? Something tells me he might be compensating for something.

30. Linville Caverns always contain beautiful stalagmite formations.

There's nothing like going into a cave dressed in your trench and pearls. Or as I call it, something you shouldn't wear in a cave.

There’s nothing like going into a cave dressed in your trench and pearls. Or as I call it, something you shouldn’t wear in a cave.

31. It’s always pleasant to have a portrait made at Hess Brothers.

However, this kid might not share that opinion. Because he doesn't really seem to be smiling.

However, this kid might not share that opinion. Because he doesn’t really seem to be smiling. More like wanting to get out of there.

32. Nothing makes a romantic evening like listening to Enzo Stuarti.

From Bad Postcards: "The guys at the table seem more enamored of Enzo than the women. Where’s the band?" When you think about it, it seems about right.

From Bad Postcards: “The guys at the table seem more enamored of Enzo than the women. Where’s the band?” When you think about it, it seems about right.

33. Welcome to Ole’s Big Game Lounge in Paxton, Nebraska.

Guess Ole seems quite proud that he shot all these African animals before they were on the Endangered Species list. Still, the taxidermy is kind of unnerving.

Guess Ole seems quite proud that he shot all these African animals before they were on the Endangered Species list. Still, the taxidermy is kind of unnerving.

34. Here we have a recreation of John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and Benjamin Franklin working on the Declaration of Independence.

For some reason Benjamin Franklin wasn't feeling so well today. But knowing that such task was so important for the country, he showed up to Independence Hall anyway.

For some reason Benjamin Franklin wasn’t feeling so well today. But knowing that such task was so important for the country, he showed up to Independence Hall anyway.

35. “Okay, guys, shall we proceed with the battering ram exercises?”

Actually this is a bunch of marines at Parris Island doing a log lifting exercise. And all in unflattering fitness attire.

Actually this is a bunch of marines at Parris Island doing a log lifting exercise. And all in unflattering fitness attire.

36. “We will be glad to pick you up for Sunday School next Sunday.”

Mr. Harris would be happy to drive Timmy there in his windowless van. Oh, God, I'm horrible.

Mr. Harris would be happy to drive Timmy there in his windowless van. Oh, God, I’m horrible.

37. “I always want to look my best whenever I go to the farmer’s market.”

Because the farmer's market is the place where women dress up in furs, gloves, and fine jewelry. Don't forget to top it off with a tiara.

Because the farmer’s market is the place where women dress up in furs, gloves, and fine jewelry. Don’t forget to top it off with a tiara.

38. All hail to the almighty beach ball of Calamari.

Another marine training session at Parris Island, South Carolina. You have to admit that these guys aren't afraid to look utterly ridiculous.

Another marine training session at Parris Island, South Carolina. You have to admit that these guys aren’t afraid to look utterly ridiculous.

39. Welcome to the bank of the future.

That's a bank? I kind of liken it to if Emperor Palpatine's vacation home was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

That’s a bank? I kind of liken it to if Emperor Palpatine’s vacation home was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

40. Greetings from the North Pole from Santa Claus.

For some reason, I think having this postcard from some place in upstate New York instead of the North Pole might lead to childhood disillusionment. Mostly because a lot of kids don't imagine Santa living in upstate New York.

For some reason, I think having this postcard from some place in upstate New York instead of the North Pole might lead to childhood disillusionment. Mostly because a lot of kids don’t imagine Santa living in some town in upstate New York.

41. “Missed me, guys?”

Yes, I've put a lot of bad wax Jesus in these vintage postcard posts. However, this one stands out because he seems to have a goatee.

Yes, I’ve put a lot of bad wax Jesus in these vintage postcard posts. However, this one stands out because he doesn’t seem to have the kind of arm stretching emotion that comes with resurrection.

42. Today Smokey the Bear and Flippy the Fire Porpoise will discuss fire safety.

Of course, putting out a fire is easier if its surrounded by water. And you a dolphin extinguish it.

Of course, putting out a fire is easier if its surrounded by water. And you a dolphin extinguish it. Where’s the educational value in that?

43. Here a Sioux Native American plays his drum at Mt. Rushmore.

While Mt. Rushmore is referred to in this postcard as, "Shrine of Democracy," most Native Americans see it as a "shrine to white people kicking us out, taking over our land, and desecrating our sacred sites." Bet you never heard that before.

While Mt. Rushmore is referred to in this postcard as, “Shrine of Democracy,” most Native Americans see it as a “shrine to white people kicking us out, taking over our land, and desecrating our sacred sites.” Bet you never heard that before.

44. Here we come to a woman standing on a wall.

I doubt that she's managed to defy gravity. However, her checkered pants seem to defy fashion.

I doubt that she’s managed to defy gravity. However, her checkered pants seem to defy fashion.

45. For a Badlands visit, check out Toadstool Forest in South Dakota.

Though the name is Toadstool Forest, it's not a forest nor does anything there resemble a toadstool. Yet, that one rock does resemble a giant rabbit.

Though the name is Toadstool Forest, it’s not a forest nor does anything there resemble a toadstool. Yet, that one rock does resemble a giant rabbit.

46. Along Wyoming’s Lincoln Highway, you’ll find a high statue of the Great Emancipator.

Now I wonder why they decided to go with Lincoln's head instead of the rest of him. I don't understand it. Bad Postcards said it, "Makes him look like a psychopath."

Now I wonder why they decided to go with Lincoln’s head instead of the rest of him. I don’t understand it. Bad Postcards said it, “Makes him look like a psychopath.”

47. Jesus Christ is always with you, even when you’re scuba diving in Florida.

Guess you can say that Jesus is literally swimming with the fishes here. Though he seems to have his arms outstretched more than anything.

Guess you can say that Jesus is literally with the fishes here. Though he seems to have his arms outstretched more than anything.

48. Never thought I’d come across a roadside dinosaur before.

This is from South Dakota by the way. I know it's not as cool as you'd see in Jurassic Park. Still, some states seem to have a thing for large animal statues.

This is from South Dakota by the way. I know it’s not as cool as you’d see in Jurassic Park. Still, some states seem to have a thing for large animal statues.

49. Paul Bunyan and Robin Hood are together at the Enchanted Forest.

And here's Robin Hood complaining about Paul Bunyan's stiffness and bad fashion sense. The two do not get on.

And here’s Robin Hood complaining about Paul Bunyan’s stiffness and bad fashion sense. The two do not get on.

50. Take a picturesque view of Silver Bridge which collapsed into the Ohio River.

Caption: "WORST U.S. HIGHWAY BRIDGE DISASTER IN HISTORY — Occurred Dec. 15, 1967 when Silver Bridge collapsed. It carried U.S. 35 from Knauga, Ohio to Point Pleasant, W. Va. Built 1928 of unique eye-bar and rocker tower design. Forty-six bodies have been found and two still missing. Railroad bridge in background is still in use." Really? This is just in really bad taste.

Caption: “WORST U.S. HIGHWAY BRIDGE DISASTER IN HISTORY — Occurred Dec. 15, 1967 when Silver Bridge collapsed. It carried U.S. 35 from Knauga, Ohio to Point Pleasant, W. Va. Built 1928 of unique eye-bar and rocker tower design. Forty-six bodies have been found and two still missing. Railroad bridge in background is still in use.” Really? This is just in really bad taste.

51. You may have seen St. Louis’s Gateway Arch, but have you been inside it?

Caption: “A roomy observation platform at the top of the Gateway Arch offers 32 windows for viewing a thirty mile panorama of Missouri and Illinois.” However, why they decided to take the rear view of the tourists, I have no idea.

Caption: “A roomy observation platform at the top of the Gateway Arch offers 32 windows for viewing a thirty mile panorama of Missouri and Illinois.” However, why they decided to take the rear view of the tourists, I have no idea.

52. Come over to New England and visit the great state of Massachusetts.

Sorry, but that does not look like Massachusetts. That's shaped like North Dakota with a hook.

Sorry, but that does not look like Massachusetts. That’s shaped like North Dakota with a hook.

53. For your 4th of July celebration, Pedro’s Nutte House has the fireworks you’ll need.

Just don't shoot fireworks on his turf. Also, I think they need to take the, "t" and "e" out of "nutte."

Just don’t shoot fireworks on his turf. Also, I think they need to take the, “t” and “e” out of “nutte.” Not to mention, the sombrero does not help at all.

54. Stay awhile at the Mt. Sunapee Motel in New Hampshire.

Yeah, there's a place called Sunapee. I know it stirs giggles. Also, note the bikini clad woman who just got out of a pool.

Yeah, there’s a place called Sunapee. I know it stirs giggles. Also, note the bikini clad woman who just got out of a pool.

55. Spain’s Juan Ponce de Leon was in search for the Fountain of Youth while he discovered Florida in 1513.

Sure this is a rather tacky and historically inaccurate statue of Ponce de Leon with a swimsuit model. But for Florida, this is just so ironically appropriate.

Sure this is a rather tacky and historically inaccurate statue of Ponce de Leon with a swimsuit model. But for Florida, this is just so ironically appropriate.

56. Big Brother Bob Emery wants kids to drink 4 glasses of United Farmers milk every day.

Now this just has to be one of the creepiest milk ads I've seen. So, kids, drink your milk because Big Brother is watching you.

Now this just has to be one of the creepiest milk ads I’ve seen. So, kids, drink your milk because Big Brother is watching you.

57. Had better dining before? How about try the Beacon Shack?

Sure it's a complete shithole and the food is lousy. But, c'mon, at least they're being honest.

Sure it’s a complete shithole and the food is lousy. But, c’mon, at least they’re being honest.

58. There’s nothing like having a carefree day on the beach.

Can't do a postcard post without a woman in a swimsuit like this one. Of course, why she brought a thin cloth to raise above her head, I have no idea.

Can’t do a postcard post without a woman in a swimsuit like this one. Of course, why she brought a thin cloth to raise above her head, I have no idea.

59. Here we come to a tri-state view of Nebraska, South Dakota, and Iowa.

I know you can't really tell the where each state is in this postcard. Well, neither can I. Perhaps a map might be handy.

I know you can’t really tell the where each state is in this postcard. Well, neither can I. Perhaps a map might be handy.

60. Greetings from Liberal, Kansas, pancake hub of the universe.

Well, at least these women aren't wearing bikinis. But what the hell does this scene have to do with pancakes?

Well, at least these women aren’t wearing bikinis. But what the hell does this scene have to do with pancakes?

61. Here we come to some sagebrush which is the state flower of Nevada.

Caption: "This beautiful scene of sagebrush with its colorful pink blossoms is a common sight in the southwest. It stretches as far as the eye can see and besides being beautiful, has practical purposes, as deer and other wildlife feed on it. Sagebrush blooms only after a heavy rain but will bloom in any season. It’s referred to as Cenizo by many Anglos as well as Latin Americans." When you read the caption, you're expecting to see something more spectacular than brown, desert foliage.

Caption: “This beautiful scene of sagebrush with its colorful pink blossoms is a common sight in the southwest. It stretches as far as the eye can see and besides being beautiful, has practical purposes, as deer and other wildlife feed on it. Sagebrush blooms only after a heavy rain but will bloom in any season. It’s referred to as Cenizo by many Anglos as well as Latin Americans.” When you read the caption, you’re expecting to see something more spectacular than brown, desert foliage.

62. Meet President Lyndon B. Johnson and his wife Ladybird at the White House.

Tumblr member from Bad Postcards: "While the female figure bears some resemblance to Lady Bird, the man hardly looks like LBJ at all. He looks almost more..." Uh, like a psychokiller.

Tumblr member from Bad Postcards: “While the female figure bears some resemblance to Lady Bird, the man hardly looks like LBJ at all. He looks almost more…” Uh, like a psychokiller.

63. Welcome to Cyanmid Laboratories, here are your escorts to show you around.

I think the correct term is "tour guide" escort is another term for prostitute. Also, these outfits are hideous.

I think the correct term is “tour guide” escort is another term for prostitute. Also, these outfits are hideous.

64. There’s nothing better than watering your plants with a blowtorch.

Okay, it's a mister with a jetpack for watering plants. Still, the card say this mist blower gives deep penetration and steady output.

Okay, it’s a mister with a jetpack for watering plants. Still, the card say this mist blower gives deep penetration and steady output.

65. Pennsylvania welcomes you to Gifford Pinchot State Park.

And it seems that this place is starving for tourists since it has swimsuit clad women at the sign. Guess there's nothing to see there.

And it seems that this place is starving for tourists since it has swimsuit clad women at the sign. Guess there’s nothing exciting to see there unless you’re a nature lover.

66. How about spend a day at Pennsylvania’s Monroeville shopping center?

Known for its vast picturesque parking space. Just look at all the untamed streetlights and asphalt.

Known for its vast picturesque parking space. Just look at all the untamed streetlight, concrete, and asphalt.

67. Greetings from Kansas, home of a very long building.

Really Kansas? Surely your state must have something more interesting than an over 1/2 mile long building.

Really Kansas? Surely your state must have something more interesting than an over 1/2 mile long building.

68. Here we see a black bear in its natural habitat in New York’s Central Adirondacks.

So let me get this straight, the Central Adirondacks' idea of promoting tourism is a postcard of a dumpster diving bear. As Bad Postcards says, "We’re on vacation! Let’s go to the dump!"

So let me get this straight, the Central Adirondacks’ idea of promoting tourism is a postcard of a dumpster diving bear. As Bad Postcards says, “We’re on vacation! Let’s go to the dump!”

69. The Sterling Hotel at Greenwood Lake, New York presents the All Girl Topless Band.

I'm sure their performances were not suited for a PG-13 audience. Makes you wonder what kind of place the Sterling Hotel is.

I’m sure their performances were not suited for a PG-13 audience. Makes you wonder what kind of place the Sterling Hotel is. I know I don’t always show nudity but I can’t pass this one up. Best known for their fanservice.

70. Howdy from Nebraska where we herd cattle on our giant jackrabbits.

One of the reasons why cowboys ride on jackrabbits in Nebraska was because the state was once the sight of a large Native American nuclear power plant which suffered a major meltdown. That's why the rabbits are so huge out there.

One of the reasons why cowboys ride on jackrabbits in Nebraska was because the state was once the sight of a large Native American nuclear power plant which suffered a major meltdown. That’s why the rabbits are so huge out there.

The Wonderful World of Architecture (Third Edition)

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If you live in the Eastern United States like me, chances are that you’re cooped up in your home due to an epic blizzard. So that probably leaves you with not much to do this weekend as far as you know it. Of course, that leaves me with some time to come up with something quick. And I have just the thing another post on architecture. You’re probably familiar with how some of the great architectural wonders are celebrated. You’ve probably seen pictures of the Pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the US Capitol, Saint Peter’s, the Parthenon, and more. I myself had been to Mount Vernon and Monticello, homes of Presidents George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. And both are architectural wonders in their own right. Nevertheless, I can talk to you all you want about the world’s great architectural wonders but you’ll probably be bored to tears since you’re most likely already familiar with them. So instead, I’ll give you a showcase of some of the world’s architectural blunders, which are structures that have achieved fame for being incredibly hideous and for polluting the landscape with their terrible aesthetics. You’ll find plenty of examples relating to modern architecture, particularly in Asian and Middle Eastern countries as well as the former Soviet Union. Latin America and Oceania aren’t very far behind either. So without further adieu, I bring you another treasure trove of great architectural blunders.

  1. I guess this must be a skyscraper straight out of Dr. Seuss or Jules Verne.
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This is called the Hundertwasser Turm which is in Germany. I think it might be an apartment building. Nevertheless, wouldn’t be surprised if it resembles Captain Nemo’s home on land.

2. Guess the aliens have a place to refuel their spacecraft after all.

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This is a gas station, by the way. But it’s in Slovakia. Either way, the architecture on this is totally out of this world.

3. So I guess this must be Nintendo headquarters.

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Yes, this is building is in Japan. However, it’s an apartment building with reversible pods. But yes, it does seem like something you’d see in a Nintendo video game.

4. No, I don’t think that’s where Lex Luthor has his corporate headquarters. Though I could be mistaken.

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This is the bank of China building. It’s in Hong Kong. Nevertheless, it seems to draw inspiration from the architectural styles of Metropolis and Mordor.

5. Behold, I feast my eyes on the world’s largest shampoo bottle.

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It’s one of Nagoya’s Mode-Gauken Spiral Towers which are in Japan. They’re home to 3 vocational schools. However, I tend to find a building hard to take seriously since it resembles a large bottle of expensive shampoo.

6. Guess we have to dig under all that wrapping paper to save this building.

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Wait, it’s supposed to look like that? Yes, this is another disasterpiece eyesore designed by Frank Gehry. It’s called El Hotel Marques de Riscal which is in Spain. But it seems like the place where a giant disposed his wrapping paper.

7. Looks like we found ourselves amongst a gigantic loudspeaker.

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This is the building for the Mauritius Commercial Bank. It’s in the nation of Mauritius which is an island in the Indian Ocean and former home of the Dodo. Still, you’d expect this building to ask whether you’d want fries with your burger.

8. Seems like this building has fallen over like a row of dominoes.

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This is called the Polaria which is in Tromso, Norway. It’s the northernmost aquarium in the world. No, there’s nothing wrong with the building. It was constructed that way.

9. In Cameroon, you’re bound to see a monument of a gigantic screwdriver.

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It’s called the Monument of Reunification. But to some people, it might resemble, a curling snake, a turd, or the end of a screw driver.

10. In Japan, they call this the Mode Gakuen Cocoon Tower in Tokyo.

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It’s called that because many people think it resembles a cocoon. However, to me, it resembles a female body part that I may not be able to mention in front of a G-rated audience.

11. If Cinderizilla fits into this glass slipper, does this mean she gets to marry her Tyrannosaurus Rex?

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This is a church in Taiwan. Apparently they designed it like a shoe in hopes to attract more female worshippers. However, I’m sure it’s bound to attract a lot more female tourists.

12. Okay, what the hell is that thing and does it eat people?

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This the Tenerife Opera House in the Spanish Canary Islands. And no, it doesn’t seafaring humans for breakfast. You’re thinking about a different sea monster.

13. Okay, what’s this? Some upscale restaurant in Mos Eisley or Jabba the Hutt’s vacation home?

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This is called Le Corbusier’s Cité Radieuse. I think it’s supposed to be a house in France. Nevertheless, I think this kind of modern architecture seems to come straight from Tatooine.

14. In Dubai, it seems that the aliens have not built their own skyscraper.

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This is called the Rose Tower Hotel in Dubai, UAE. It’s supposed to be the tallest hotel in the world. But it sure ain’t the prettiest.

15. This building is called the Swan Bell Tower in Perth, Australia.

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Okay, it’s a tower. But it looks nothing like a swan or a bell. In fact, I think a more appropriate name would be, “The Bobkin Tower” since it resembles the kind of instrument people used to stab accused witches with.

16. It’s only a matter of time until it’s all set for liftoff.

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As my first specimen on Soviet architecture for this post, I bring you the Ostankino Tower in Moscow, erected in 1967. It’s the tallest freestanding structure in Europe. It’s a TV and Radio tower.

17. Don’t look now but I think these cars are about to be swallowed up by a concrete tornado.

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I’m sure the cars are safe. This is the Midrand Water Tower in South Africa. Not sure why it’s constructed like some concrete tornado or a spacecraft.

18. So I guess these are accommodations for Imperial Stormtroopers.