The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Seventh Edition)

4480769617_c42a4c5120_b

I usually do postcards in early August. But since I had to NFL and College sports posts as well as some articles on our Pussygrabber-in-Chief, it kind of slipped under the radar. Anyway, in late June, I went to Minnesota for my cousin’s wedding at St. Cloud since his wife is from there. And my parents, my sister, and I spent the next few days playing tourist in both St. Cloud and Minneapolis. In St. Cloud, you can see the Beaver Islands and Quarry Park. In Minneapolis, there’s the Walker Art Center, Minnehaha Falls, the American Swedish Institute, and the Mill City Museum. And yes, Mall of America does exist there. But come on, it’s just an enormous temple of conspicuous materialism with an overpriced amusement park. The only place worth seeing is the Lego store, nothing else. Anyway, there are plenty of vintage postcards out there that can show just about anything. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasury of crazy vintage postcards you won’t find at any souvenir shop.

  1. Fasten yourself to this metal horn.
16795

Yes, it’s another one of those old German torture postcards. And you can see the crowd laughing at him. Hey, at least you don’t live during the Middle Ages.

2. “Someone just took a dump at the corner of Maple and Elm Street.”

16796

Yeah, you have to feel bad for that guy in the wheelbarrow. Always having to clean everyone else’s messes on the street.

3. You’ll find all kinds of scenes inside this metal man.

16799

Actually, it seems like a guy inside a metal contraption. With the scenes depicting all the bad stuff he’s done.

4. Study hour is always a time for reflection.

noble_1168

And yet, this kid fantasizes about the football game. Some things never change.

5. Protect your home from intruders with a safety guard.

tumblr_p1mo6eaNz71qbyf2jo1_1280

Actually, almost everyone has these. Seriously, they’re not really a big deal save the price.

6. Check out this papaya in St. Petersburg’s Sunken Gardens.

tumblr_l1tq2v2njG1qbyf2jo1_400

While the term is a pejorative slang for a woman’s nether region in Cuba. So they use “fruta bomba” instead.

7. See the magnificent prehistoric creatures at the Phosphate Valley Exposition.

tumblr_l2r3u32Llu1qbyf2j

Mr. Mastadon is utterly incensed that all the other giant mammals are on his lawn. Prepare to be gored.

8. Enjoy Swiss music and dance with Helmut and Ingrid in Miami.

tumblr_l4g8qrjZNn1qbyf2j

From Bad Postcards: “After the performance, I want to walk up to Ingrid and give her a big hug and kiss. Helmut, on the other hand, scares me a little.”

9. You’ll always have fun in the sun at the Blue Mist Motel.

tumblr_l5btn4kHYj1qbyf2j

Apparently, I have no idea why the pillars seem to resemble Dr. Seuss like tennis rackets. Located in Miami.

10. It’s always amazing to try exotic new foods.

tumblr_l5v49iOkVA1qbyf2j

And I think that guy’s about to say something racist. While his wife’s trying to keep a smile on her face to hide her embarrassment.

11. “Discover for yourself our complete line.”

tumblr_l11ze5Savr1qbyf2jo1_400

And yet, she’s decked in the most scantily clad hula skirt I’ve ever seen. While she has a bunch of thin skits strategically placed at her breasts.

12. “Just specify the shape you want.”

tumblr_l33roaAo7Y1qbyf2j

I’m sure this postcard is totally photoshopped. Seriously, the light on the woman doesn’t match the light in the background. Also, is she just wearing a red sheet?

13. Just a fair catch at the Florida Keys.

tumblr_lefj0sjLhc1qbyf2jo1_1280

From Bad Postcards: “The dog at bottom left looks like he’s ashamed to be included in the picture.”

14. Would you want it in pink or blue?

tumblr_lip4j0LMyU1qbyf2jo1_1280

Either way, they seem like a couple of freaky old guy faces with sunglasses. Also what’s with the ears and legs?

15. Chief Halftown is a bowler supreme.

tumblr_ljp5gszTru1qbyf2jo1_1280

From the back: “A full-blooded Seneca Indian, Chief Halftown has traveled thousands of miles in helping thousands of youngsters learn to enjoy the fun of bowling. There are Chief Halftown Junior Bowling Clubs in over 200 cities in the United States and Canada.” Wait a minute, I don’t think warbonnets are Seneca Indian garb since they’re Iroquois.

16. There’s always one in every bar.

tumblr_lomu4piWAR1qbyf2jo1_1280

You mean a horse’s ass? Indeed, I can believe it. Since we already have a horse’s ass in the White House.

17. Protocertops once roamed the Gobi Desert.

tumblr_luqmoe2Qe11qbyf2jo1_1280

But I’m sure some people might see it as a combination between a Triceratops and a parrot. Seriously, look at that beak.

18. Any of these beautiful candles will make a great gift.

tumblr_m1q4grygty1qbyf2jo1_1280

These are great for entertaining your guests in the basement area where you smoke your pot to the Grateful Dead. Wonder if any of them are scented.

19. Hans and Alice Grossniklaus sell their cheese from their Alpine Cheese chalet mobile.

tumblr_m6wfcarOVG1qbyf2jo1_1280

And yet, they keep their van open. Despite that cheese often needs refrigeration.

20. Enjoy a toast to fine Alpine wine.

tumblr_m27wzzXHM81qbyf2jo1_1280

While Heinrich was fine in his lederhosen, Bertha already had a few drinks. Besides, she thinks that Heinrich looks idiotic in his lederhosen.

21. “Stop Mastitis with Masti-Kure.”

tumblr_m85qaukZ481qbyf2jo1_1280

I think it has something to do with cows since they’re in the background. But there’s a nice collection of large syringes.

22. With Trip-It, you can feed songbirds with ease while baffling squirrels.

tumblr_mf1ybhyzhG1qbyf2jo1_1280

I’m sure squirrels will eventually figure this out. Also, stuffed birds not included.

23. Greetings from Lizzard Butte, Idaho.

tumblr_mi92idi75I1qbyf2jo1_1280

Okay, I can sort of see the point with this rock formation. Yet, for a place called “Lizzard Butte” the sight is disappointing.

24. You can wear this scarf 4 ways.

tumblr_mit3adSWIj1qbyf2jo1_1280

Looks include the Pilgrim, the choir singer, the shaky collar, and the preacher. Available at all retail outlets.

25. Come and marvel at the world’s largest cereal plant.

tumblr_ml5dma8wNS1qbyf2jo1_1280

If anyone wants me to admire an industrial plant, the architecture has to be amazing. This is not.

26. Sagebrush is Nevada’s state flower.

tumblr_mmm5b2Oj3a1qbyf2jo1_1280

Apparently, this postcard really doesn’t show the sagebrush’s splendor. Seems more like a bunch of desert bushes.

27. “Here’s the paper, here’s the ink, and here’s the toner.”

tumblr_mqr7q8j54G1qbyf2jo1_1280

I guess this is a very old timey printer. Yet, despite her smiling, Gladys isn’t exactly thrilled with showing the new recruits how to maintain one of these stupid machines.

28. Come to the Steiff Museum to see Susi and Fiffy.

tumblr_mru1nkKwpB1qbyf2jo1_1280

The cats are actually fine in this. But the taxidermy mice are straight from nightmares.

29. The office coffee maker should always match the table.

tumblr_msmnzxzNX41qbyf2jo1_1280

She seems so happy getting the coffee at the office. Too bad she can’t poison it before giving the cup to her boss.

30. Enjoy the taste of Valleydale Honee Weenees.

tumblr_msmopwTto51qbyf2jo1_1280

You know weenee also has a different connotation. Also note the guy on the left on the wrapper has a very long trombone.

31. Having a party? They’ll cover your catering.

tumblr_mvl75vi4WX1qbyf2jo1_1280

On second thought, I don’t think so. Most of what’s on these platters is disgusting. Save for the cake and buns.

32. Aluminum siding is an investment in better living.

tumblr_mw5lchREMG1qbyf2jo1_1280

The house isn’t quite bad. But the chimney sort of seems like the owner’s trying to signal to aliens.

33. Shop and win this imported ceramic decorator set.

tumblr_mwxid4bKYU1qbyf2jo1_1280

Comment from Bad Postcards: “Holiday generosity – or passive aggressive rage? Innocent holiday table-ware – or slightly disguised alter pieces to H.P. Lovecraft’s Elder Gods?”

34. Wow your guests with Wetzstein’s all white meat cooked turkey.

tumblr_mwxjodHWsm1qbyf2jo1_1280

What the hell is this? I heard it’s called turkey cake. However, I think it’s really disgusting.

35. Anyone could enjoy these fireplace logs.

tumblr_n0yq0e6wDy1qbyf2jo1_1280

Actually these are fake and only used for decoration. Also, the fires seem like they’re electric and don’t seem to ignite well.

36. A lady’s razor always needs a stylish pouch.

tumblr_n0yqtg0ko41qbyf2jo1_1280

The razor should also be decorated with painted flowers. Oh, and you should shave in front of your vanity instead of in the bathtub.

37. Buy from us and we’ll give you this “Gracious Living” set.

tumblr_n5vjtnx9bQ1qbyf2jo1_1280

And it’s on rooster pattern. God, this looks really ugly. Seriously, why?

38. Feel free to dine in The Wolf’s Den.

tumblr_n9ffpoDpBA1qbyf2jo1_1280

Here Lula comes across her ideal man. Big, strong, and unapologetically savage.

39. In a mood for a catfight?

tumblr_n9xyouzVnI1qbyf2jo1_1280

It’s just a taxidermy depicting 2 cougars fighting. Nonetheless, it almost looks like the real thing. Almost.

40. Come down to Miami to meet Alan Shepard, John Glenn, and Scott Carpenter.

tumblr_n981yoqhIO1qbyf2jo1_1280

Yet, all these guys have had their souls removed after returning from earth. So they’re all now lifeless zombies wandering the planet.

41. Come in and dine at Ft. Lauderdale’s Polynesian Room.

tumblr_n55qhvlbMQ1qbyf2jo1_1280

Includes Polynesian cuisine and quality entertainment. Introducing scantily clad women with hula skirts and shirtless men. Check out the neon tiki images.

42. Wheatlands Motel gives you all the necessary amenities.

tumblr_nccyq9Wftp1qbyf2jo1_1280

“Home of the Blue Angels while in Garden City, Kansas.” Too bad their bright orange flight suits reminds me of prison uniforms.

43. “Having fun at Bradley Beach, New Jersey.”

tumblr_nchlxuQQhe1qbyf2jo1_1280

Don’t really seem like having fun to me. Not even the kids. Then again, they must’ve just seen Chris Christie pass by.

44. New York’s Georgian Hotel has a heart-shaped tub in every room.

tumblr_nchm4o6TdX1qbyf2jo1_1280

I don’t know about you. But if I were that woman, I wouldn’t spend one more minute in that tub with her creepy boyfriend. Seriously, he looks so creepy. Also, the mirrors really kill the mood.

45. Bob and Jimmie Nusca serve the Lord in Bangladesh.

tumblr_nchmg4d2Yx1qbyf2jo1_1280

They seem more like doctors than missionaries. While the husband seems like an old Dr. House on happy pills.

46. In Van Nuys, California, come down and eat at the Valley Ho.

tumblr_ncpsvg73EY1qbyf2jo1_1280

For God’s sake, this is a family restaurant like Denny’s. Not a whorehouse. Who’d even have such a demented idea?

47. Greetings from Dancing Waters in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin.

tumblr_ncvkrg1OSs1qbyf2jo1_1280

Seeing this neon light and fountain display, you’d think Wisconsin Dells was the Midwest equivalent to Las Vegas. Not sure if it’s true. But did they have to use all that red?

48. Here we come to a man harvesting peanuts in Dixie.

tumblr_ndhr8uqaUd1qbyf2jo1_1280

On one hand, peanut cultivation wasn’t widespread until after the American Civil War. On the other hand, the South employed blacks as sharecroppers in agricultural work. Either way, I’m sure he’s not harvesting peanuts on his own land or for a sufficient wage.

49. Check out this gigantic power dam.

tumblr_ndkpe50pns1qbyf2jo1_1280

It’s called the Moses-Saunders Dam, which extends from Canada to New York. Wonder if a beaver can build anything remotely like that.

50. Cardinal Francis Spellman meets Pope John XXIII.

tumblr_ndkqij3ffL1qbyf2jo1_1280

To have wax figures of either man like this is pure blasphemy. Also, someone doesn’t seem to like Spellman too much since he looks like a corrupt churchman.

51. Wish you were here at Auburn Prison.

tumblr_ndr3rtrmVO1qbyf2jo1_1280

I don’t know about you. But why the hell would anyone want to visit a prison town? It might be nice. But the town is built around a prison.

52. Here we have 2 bull moose duking it out in the forest.

tumblr_ndr45tq4K71qbyf2jo1_1280

Located in Gaylord, Michigan. Still, this seems more like a painting than a taxidermy display.

53. If you think your life is bad, look at a cow who’s stepped on her udder.

tumblr_ndwizwRrw21qbyf2jo1_1280

Sorry, but I don’t think a cow can step on her udders. Think it’s physiologically impossible.

54. Mr. Tibbles closes in for the kill.

tumblr_ne9iyynEdU1qbyf2jo1_1280

Here a he climbs a tree to catch a bird carrying a salt shaker. So he really means business.

55. Come and enjoy the hunt for deer and duck in the great outdoors of New Jersey?

tumblr_ne34pxIIQd1qbyf2jo1_1280

When I think of New Jersey, I don’t imagine people hunting. Mostly because people don’t go to New Jersey to hunt animals.

56. It’s no wonder Birmingham, Alabama is seen as the “Pittsburgh of the South.”

tumblr_nebaq4ciWN1qbyf2jo1_1280

This postcard should actually read, “Greetings from Hell.” Because it looks more like a place where bad people go when they die.

57. These water skiers show a display of their Southern pride.

tumblr_nemfgkbbX41qbyf2jo1_1280

While at best they’re showing their racial insensitivity and willful ignorance to Civil War history. At worst, they’re proclaiming to the world that they’re racist.

58. At Finocchio’s you’ll find fabulous female impersonators.

tumblr_neoa4oZHjL1qbyf2jo1_1280

Think of it as the old-timey version of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Some are even dressed from the 1920s.

59. The University of Illinois presents the Luther League of America.

tumblr_neoat35wkR1qbyf2jo1_1280

Comment from Bad Postcards: “At first I thought this was Lex Luthors secret society lair. Not just from the name, they honestly look pretty similar. “

60. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

tumblr_neobhuZVrx1qbyf2jo1_1280

Indeed coffee may be strong. But Rosie’s added some arsenic, strychnine, and cyanide to enhance the flavor.

61. Perhaps you’d like to drop by for harvest time in Montana.

tumblr_neoe7ufnBG1qbyf2jo1_1280

I’m sure Montana has more interesting scenery than this. So they grow grain there, big deal. Can’t they have more pictures of Glacier before global warming makes it disappear?

62. Perhaps you’d like a large gourmet dinner with lobster.

tumblr_nf0ga1ZgDc1qbyf2jo1_1280

I’m sure the dinner doesn’t come cheap. Still, the soup looks really disgusting.

63. Death Valley is the Devil’s golf course.

tumblr_nflphnLfxA1qbyf2jo1_1280

Wrong, everyone knows the Devil’s golf course is Mar-A-Lago in Florida. Or in Bedminster, New Jersey. Or wherever he owns a golf club.

64. Would you like to hear a poem about the seahorse?

tumblr_ng0kz7Is131qbyf2jo1_1280

They forgot to mention that the female lays her eggs in the male’s body before she takes off. While the babies hatch inside him. Yes, seahorse reproduction is very messed up.

65. “Don’t you ever get tired of the same old bull?”

tumblr_ng0nnsR71s1qbyf2jo1_1280

If used as an expression, it’s not that bad. But if you use cows, then there’s a sexual connotation. Though to be fair, most farms would usually have one bull anyway.

66. Make the season jolly with R&R Toy.

tumblr_ng9zsq6H7a1qbyf2jo1_1280

How could that baby sit beside that demonic man in the red suit and not sense any danger? Because the Santa’s about to put that child through a world of pain.

67. This group always dons the robes with the white hoods.

tumblr_nhei93wNtC1qbyf2jo1_1280

For a second, you’d almost take them for cult members. Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised.

68. Enjoy some South Sea fun at a Florida luau.

tumblr_o204a6l5IV1qbyf2jo1_640

While she dances, the drummer behind her watches her move. If he loses a beat, you know he’s distracted.

69. This dog wishes you a Merry Christmas.

tumblr_p0zg0dXcda1qbyf2jo1_640

Look, a dog in a Christmas gift box may seem cute. But for the love of God, please don’t give live puppies or any other live animal for Christmas. A dog is a decade long commitment and responsibility, not a present since many Christmas puppies end up abandoned.

70. “Now, where did I park my car?”

tumblr_p21mwlA8HP1qbyf2jo1_640

If you’re asking that question in a high snowy place like this, you might be in trouble. After all, that car can be several feet up in snow by now.

Advertisements

The Roadside World of Billboards

3D illustration of blank white billboard against blue sky.

Let’s face it, advertising is everywhere. Wherever you go and whatever you do, you’re still bound to see some kind of ad promoting some kind of product or service. After all, a business has to sell somehow and some way. Even in a rural area, whenever you’re traveling, chances are you’ll see all kinds of billboard signs advertising local businesses and services nearby. Some may even have public service announcements or political messages. Some may just promote products like fast food or beer. But whenever you travel, you’ll still see them. Nevertheless, you’ll come across some billboards with unique designs and funny slogans. And that’s where I come in. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasury of billboards that won’t make you bored to tears. Some of these may not be safe for work by the way.

  1. Come to Pedro’s south of the border.
0e80ffa1a2c88a4c2c87de257372534e

Not sure if using “sausage” is a good idea. Oh, I get it, it’s supposed to be “saw such.” My mistake.

2. Best to drive carefully through Branxton.

3b3640f681064018202f1bcd6302043f

Since it has 2 cemeteries and no hospital. So if you get injured, you’re out of luck.

3. Of course, some people just have to bring their personal lives out for everyone to see.

5d1329868dbe5cd9311a6cb824e40237

Look, I know you’re hurting, Emily. But please, I think airing your anger on a billboard makes you seem like a crazy bitch.

4. Stop in at Big Dick’s Halfway Inn.

9f957bd00eb90de2c0f9a4d4415ae43d

Okay, this sounds kind of dirty for a rest stop. I’m sure “Original Minnow Shot” will have its own Urban Dictionary entry real soon.

5. With Esurance, you can cover your home in a click.

10

Sure you might not see anything wrong with this message. But look at it from far away, and it says, “cover your home in a dick.”

6. This billboard was brought to you by Financial Arts, Inc.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-01-1

However, if you’re looking for anything silent but deadly, I don’t think their website will offer it. Though I don’t know what financial arts are anyway.

7. Pollo Tropical always offers island flavor.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-03

But they aren’t great choosing a font. Since the “island” part also reads bland, which won’t attract potential customers.

8. Your Local 5 is here when you need to know.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-06

Though the headline doesn’t help matters. Seriously, people might get the wrong idea.

9. Since you only live once, try to be happy.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-07

Brought to you by Wilks Funeral Home. Hey, at least they know how to cash in on a trend.

10. Spend your time at this golf range.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-08

This place boasts about great balls and grass. I know people might get the wrong idea.

11. If you need any help, call these guys.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-09

But what do these people do? Who are these people are? Seriously, I really don’t know.

12. Want to fly? Text while you drive.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-12

But I don’t think that kind of flying involves a plane. More likely involves a car crash.

13. Live the extreme with the Air Force Reserve.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-13

Since when did the Air Force do wind surfing? Not that I want to join since I don’t. But I need to know this.

14. Scandinavian Designs has their biggest sale ever.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-17

That woman doesn’t seem excited for some reason. In fact, she reminds me of a scream queen from a horror movie who’s freaked out about getting killed.

15. At Construct 2, we make computer games.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-19

Yet, this one seems to depict rather childish drawings. Perhaps they should’ve gone with state of the art graphics instead.

16. You can expect great care at Cancer Care Center.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-20

Don’t think that’s good for their ad campaign. Seriously, that pun goes nowhere.

17. Hope you can get a nice pair of these undies.

27-of-the-funniest-billboard-fails-ever-22

Too bad this billboard ad was made by someone who couldn’t type. Seriously, the capitalization is nuts.

18. Lowe’s always takes care of unfinished projects.

32

Well, at least Lowe’s knows how to advertise. Since that billboard looks unfinished to me.

19. She caught her cheating husband with state of the art equipment.

32f457a71102c7cd9ca570b88b7b6295--cheating-husbands-revenge-on-cheating-exes

I think ads like these belong on Craigslist. Not on billboards for all to see.

20. Cops hide here. So get a Mini Cooper.

88f246a7b5abb4b93b3932b5f3259e7b

Sure the Mini Cooper is small. But an ad implying that cops hide behind the bushes is disturbing.

21. Want to see your teeth as we do? Go to Aspen Dental.

670p4u99c22z_RS

I know she’s smiling. But it’s a frown upside down. That don’t look right.

22. Want to see the largest continent? Fly on Air Asia.

760656abb861e67cfd5c752bdd0eebaa

Well, that’s a clever way to use puns. Hope it goes over the kids.

23. Got hemorrhoids? Tampa Proctology is at your service.

4749216990a8d9edf578cd6f9176b728

Come in through the rear entrance. And please, no butt dials.

24. Want to enjoy Minnesota? Move to Wisconsin.

a301_b2

Someone doesn’t seem to appreciate Minnesota very much. But this is from a Wisconsin real estate agency.

25. When burying your dead loved one, think outside the box.

a301_b6

This is for a cemetery. But when they say to think outside the box, they usually don’t mean a coffin.

26. Don’t read enough? Try these audiobooks.

a301_b9

I know some Americans may be offended by this. But this company is from Canada. Still, I’d replace the George W. Bush image with Donald Trump.

27. Your breasts won’t bounce with this bra.

a301_b12

I don’t get the slogan. “Only the ball should bounce,” what the hell does that mean?

28. Seems like this billboard might’ve caused a car crash.

accident

Apparently, sex sells. Since this is for a mechanic’s garage. Guess they know how to drum up good business.

29. Is your wife hot? Get your air conditioning fixed.

ac-fixed

Well, that’s sure to get people’s attention. Though I’m not sure if it’s appropriate.

30. Got arrested? Call Jaeger & Blanker.

arrested

Got to like their number 1-855-WTF-POPO. Though they seem to specialize in drugs and DUIs.

31. Seems like this lobster had to see a therapist.

australia-lobster-funny-billboard

This is for an Australian lobster joint. Not sure why it featured cartoon lobsters in therapy.

32. The Dark Knight is open for litigation.

batman-law-firm

Okay, his name just happens to be Batman. Wonder if he gets any flack from that. Couldn’t hurt his business.

33. Life Church TV is known to vanquish Satan.

billboard-211212

Not always a fan of religious billboards. But I think this one is quite clever if you ask me.

34. Texas Direct Auto loves your headlights.

Billboard-Humor-Bad

This is for a car buying service. And I don’t think the cars they buy aren’t anywhere nice.

35. Invest in your future, study engineering before sex.

board-11

Funny how this ad implies you can’t have sex and study engineering. But still, use protection.

36. Asian Buffet: Poor English but great food.

board-15

Though Asians will certainly find this sign quite offensive. This especially with the addition of “Oriental.”

37. Buy a diamond ring for her and get a free gun.

buy-her-a-diamond-get-a-free-hunting-rifle

Well, that’s one way to drum up business. Yet, should a jeweler really do this?

38. Alcohol: Cheaper than therapy.

cheaper-than-therapy

This is for a discount liquor store. Though between alcohol and therapy, I’d stick with therapy.

39. If you can bank anywhere, go with 1st Bank.

CrB4I4eW8AAqB2U

Yet, why it has a surgeon operating, I don’t have the slightest idea. Seriously, banking shouldn’t be on your mind while cutting someone open.

40. Keep your butt covered.

cover-butt

This one recommends that people get colonoscopies. Yet, why show someone’s butt cheeks, I don’t have a clue.

41. Fat and ugly? Join Fit 4 Less.

dpaf6

Well, that’s a rather demeaning message. From a billboard in Great Britain, by the way.

42. Get your crabs at Dirty Dick’s Crab House.

e1f3b62e77f30ae60fa2371b520bcac1

It’s a crab restaurant at Myrtle Beach. Yet, I see the dirty wordplay which would make many want to avoid it.

43. Spend time with your kids at the dinner table. Put family first.

family-first

I know it’s supposed to encourage family togetherness. Yet, it seems to imply cannibalism.

44. Come to Buc-ee’s for food and gas.

Funny-Billboard-4

I know it’s just a run of the mill rest stop. Yet, kind of implies that the food you eat will give you gas.

45. Seems like we’ve come across a personal ad.

Funny-Billboard-Picture-1-570x641

Well, if you can afford a billboard, you can afford a spouse. Still, not sure about displaying one’s phone number though.

46. Texting while driving kills. But if you want to know more just text.

Funny-Billboard-Picture-3-570x641

Guess this is proof that irony knows no bounds. But seriously, texting while driving kills.

47. Got a DUI? Call 1-800-NOT-DRUNK.

Funny-Billboard-Picture-9-570x641

The fact so many people get DUIs can make this guy have a firm like this. Kind of a sad statement of our society.

48. So, what’s our slogan?

Funny-Billboard-Picture-21-570x641

Guess whoever made this billboard was totally high at the time. Wonder if it’s from Colorado.

49. Want to know information concerning your health and safety? See other side.

Funny-Billboard-Picture-24-570x641

And they seem to make it so urgent. But they wasted a whole space for the typography.

50. Save the whales. Go vegetarian and lose weight.

Funny-Billboards-17

This is from PETA, by the way. And yes, they have to get their message out their through fat shaming. Is there anything they wouldn’t do?

51. In advertising, it’s best to use only what you need.

Funny-Cool-WTF-Creative-Road-Signs-Billboards-Advertisement-Ever-11

This one only uses a small orange square to get to the point. The rest is just bare.

52. Whether Pokémon or STDs, gotta catch ’em all.

funny-sign-pokemon-catchem-all-std-check

Not sure if Pokémon font is appropriate for this kind of matter. Seriously, why?

53. Committed a crime? Call Larry L. Archie.

guilty-56a3b0945f9b58b7d0d32f97

Famous clients include O.J. Simpson, Casey Anthony, George Zimmerman, and more. Okay, I’m just kidding. But that slogan’s just waiting to be mocked.

54. Serenity Creek Med Spa will get you from Sasquatch to smooth.

hair-removal

So Bigfoot was basically a gorgeous blond woman inside the whole time. Didn’t see that coming.

55. Introducing Scooter, the neutered cat.

hilarious-billboard-signs-17

Wonder what this is for. Bet it’s for a shelter or vet office.

56. Unfortunately, nothing can end hunger in Ohio.

h-photo-u15

I think this is website. Still, kind of sends a rather dark message.

57. Greetings, from Quartzite, Arizona!

h-photo-u16

Even includes, legends of camels. And it’s always the weekend there, except for people who live there. Since they have to work. Seems like someone’s desperate for tourists.

58. Don’t want to be caught dead in that dress? Tell the funeral home now.

h-photo-u17

This is for a funeral home. Not sure if I agree with the slogan but it seems to work.

59. Illiterate? Write for free help.

illiterate-write-for-help

So if you’re illiterate, how can you write for free help. Because I don’t get it at all.

60. Prevent HIV and get tested with this crew.

j-photo-u16

But I don’t know if this is the kind of way to get the message out. But whatever works for the kids.

61. Truth Ministry: where you can pray the Asian away.

j-photo-u17

Boy, that’s racist. Guaranteed to work as well as gay conversion therapy like not at all with abusive side effects.

62. Don’t forget to turn your neighbors in.

j-photo-u18

Not sure what this is for. But it’s kind of disturbing if you ask me.

63. Your local sheriff wishes you a happy Valentine’s Day.

j-photo-u110

Well, that’s kind of awkward. Mostly because sheriffs don’t take billboards for Valentine’s Day.

64. Got man boobs? Call this number.

j-photo-u111

This is from Minnesota, by the way. Not sure if I’d want to see that on the road though.

65. With the Daily Mail, both Kims are on the same page.

kim-billboard

Have to admit, at least the Daily Mail has a better ad campaign than the Post Gazette. Though I wouldn’t want to be associated with either Kim.

66. With Lean Plum, engage the shit out of your mobile users.

Leanplum_billboard

Even uses the famous poop emoji. Though it’s only fair.

67. You’ll have liquor all over at Lee’s discount liquors.

liquor-all-over

Says they have 17 Las Vegas locations. So even if it does well, it has a lot of competition.

68. Injured? Go to MyBaldLawyer.com.

ltrn3qrphgt01

Well, at least he embraces his baldness. But not sure if him telling onlookers not to pull their hair out is a good idea.

69. Got a crack in your basement floor? Call the Crack Team.

mr-happy-crack

Even presents a guy named Mr. Happy Crack. Saying, “A dry crack is a happy crack!” That just cracks me up.

70. McDonald’s is always open at 6 am.

my-ass

Says “MY ASS.” Not sure what it means. But it’s hilarious.

71. Don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets as well as your loved ones.

neuter-pets-friends-relatives

Not sure if you should neuter your weird friends and relatives. Don’t know what to think about that.

72. Inspire the youth, control the future.

n-HIETLER-large570

However, using a quote by Adolf Hitler on your billboard won’t give you any favors. Seriously, the guy killed about 6-9 million Jews and started World War II.

73. Don’t be a pickle and stop vegetable abuse.

oLsVV

This is for a sex shop. Yet, I really feel bad for that pickle.

74. According to Restored Church, God likes sex.

o-RESTORED-CHURCH-570

Though I guess the sex God loves is between a straight married couple. I’m just guessing in regards to this church.

75. Sask always tells you to pork the one you love.

pork-love

This is for pork. But pork is also another euphemism for fuck, which they use on Honest Trailers.

76. You can reach this website as soon as you solve the problem.

prime-number

Unless you’re math genius, you’ll never be able to guess. And I wouldn’t recommend you using a calculator while driving.

77. Before you put up a billboard, always run it through spellcheck.

pubic-schools

I don’t think “pubic schools” is the right word for it. Apparently, their public schools don’t seem great at spelling.

78. Marital problems? Get a bigger house.

realtor-logic

Well, that’s how realtors look at it. Still, I think a bigger house won’t solve anyone’s relationship problems.

79. Store your things in Bitterroot Self-Storage.

self-storage

On Cemetery Lane, apparently. Gives a whole new meaning of “self-storage,” doesn’t it?

80. Want to wreck? Just keep looking at the boobies.

staring

That will certainly do the trick. Since guys are said to be attracted by big boobs.

81. Injured? Call Brown & Brown.

success

Don’t mind the man in the eyepatch. Though I’m not sure if it helps their brand of success.

82. Save the date for the Testicle Festival.

testicle-festival

You’ll have to be nuts to miss it. Make no balls about it.

83. Need help? Consider hiring a lady lawyer.

untitled

So she’s playing the woman card, isn’t she? Seriously, I’m a woman and I don’t think my gender makes me good at arguing.

84. With Virgin America, flying to Chicago no longer blows.

untitled3

Well, “blows” can also mean sucks. So they didn’t think this pun through.

85. You can even use a billboard to promote yourself.

untitled4

After all, he spent a whole lot of money to get noticed. So somebody should hire him.

86. Annoyed by higher taxes in Illinois? Move to Indiana.

untitled5

Keep in mind that Indiana has loose gun control laws that contribute to Chicago’s high murder rate. Look it up in regards to gun trafficking.

87. Need a summer job? Try being a kept woman.

untitled6

Okay, that’s just downright sick. And they’re targeting this sign for students? Makes me want to barf.

88. Get your sit together and buckle up.

untitled7

Yet, the buckle is covered in the middle. Makes you imagine a different term entirely.

89. At Lou Redman’s Barstool’s and Dining, check out their stool samples.

untitled8

Well, they sell stools and chairs, what do you expect? And no, they’re not talking about that kind of stool.

90. Just pop the question with a ring from Robbins Diamonds.

untitled9

And here she’s flipping the bird to drivers. So stop by before she dumps you’re sorry ass.

91. Why is Justin Bieber so sad? Is it because so many teens are unemployed?

untitled10

No, because teen employment isn’t as big of deal. Besides, Justin Bieber doesn’t care about anything but himself.

92. Still a virgin? We can help.

virgin

Is this an escort service or a brothel? Not sure if I want to know.

93. Keep country roads safe. Don’t drive like a wanker.

wanker

Wanker is a British expression for jackass. Yet, you see what they mean.

94. Outhouse Springs provides you with America’s first recycled water.

SAMSUNG DIGIMAX 360

Okay, I don’t want to drink that. Who knows what that water has been through.

95. Get a free HIV test for Mom.

weird-billboards-9

Look, I know it’s supposed to project tenderness between a mother and son. But since I know how HIV is transmitted, this scene gives me Manchurian Candidate vibes.

96. Camerman  wishes dog guy happy holidays.

weird-billboards-11

Now that’s kind of weird. Wonder if it’s inspired by some acid trip. Oh, it’s for Adult Swim.

97. Hey, you can win a free booby prize if you follow the link.

weird-billboards-13

Wonder if the booby prize involves boobs. Or if that’s just used to entice viewers.

98. All he wants for Christmas is a Latina girlfriend.

weird-billboards-15

Let’s hope he’s not a Trump supporter. If so, he’ll have is work cut out for him.

99. Gary wants to know if you’re asking for it?

weird-billboards-21

No, I am not. And I don’t want to ask him either. Also, that mullet is ugly.

100. Hold it in, you’ll make it. Just drive through the exit.

youll-make-it

I know we all feel that way at one time or another. Best we get some encouragement now and then.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Sixth Edition)

ct_greetings_florida.jpg

As August rolls around, we are now in the thick of summer vacation season. And here I open my sixth postcard post with a destination that sees a lot of tourism this time of year. I’m talking about Florida, the land of sunshine, Disney World, beaches, Everglades, Cape Canaveral, hurricanes, political dysfunction, climate change endangerment, sink holes, and crazy tabloid news stories not involving celebrities. Florida is a state with something for everyone unless you’re into stuff like winter, higher elevations, dry land, Medicaid expansion, social justice for poor and minorities, fair election practices, home owner’s insurance, ecological stability, or any sense of normalcy. Let’s just say it’s a great place to visit but not somewhere I’d want to live. Still, I probably have more crazy vintage postcards on these kind of posts than from any other state. Mostly because Florida has always been a huge tourist destination since the early 20th century thanks to Gilded Age railroad construction, a couple real estate booms, and the inventions of air conditioning and highways. But even before Disney World, it had seen a lot of vacationers. Another reason is that a lot of these postcards contain a lot of weird shit. Still, I can show you some picturesque vintage postcards which will bore you to tears. So I’ll stick to the crazy postacards instead for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.

  1. In 1962, Seattle was home to the world’s largest birthday cake.

And no, it wasn’t for Bill Gates or Starbucks either. Still, you could probably feed all of Seattle with it.

2. A long hoagie like this would make Subway seethe with envy.

Yet, George didn’t hide his disdain having to assemble that sandwich on minimum wage. I’m sure we’ve been this guy at one point in our lives.

3. Matanuska is well-known for its large cabbage.

Actually it’s a place in Alaska known for its glacier and Sarah Palin. But you wouldn’t know that from the postcard. Also, you can see Russia from it.

4. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Tony Canepa and his dancing family.

He and his wife always dreamed of having as many children for their own football team. That or they wanted a chorus line.

5. Washington state’s Cape Disappointment surely lives up to its name.

Well, at least the name’s honest. Caption reads: “Rugged outcropping of land guarding the mouth of the Mighty Columbia River. This area is referred to as the ‘Graveyard of the Pacific’ and here is seen the lighthouse to guide the sailors.”

6. Of course, not everyone can smile when their dad runs for office.

Only the St. Bernard seems happy in this photo. I can totally understand why the guy’s family wants to be supportive. Yet, on the other hand, it might mean lots of adjustment.

7. How about a big “howdy” from Texas?

That has to be one of the freakishly horrifying giant cowboys I’ve seen in my life. For the love of God, take that down before it haunts my dreams.

8. Who remembers the Acromaniacs a.k.a. The Three Little Bakers?

Or as some call them, “Those three rich assholes who saw themselves better than anyone. And would shove people into lockers when no teacher was looking.”

9. At this little mini town, Sadie can now emulate Raquel Welch from Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.

Okay, I’m just kidding on that one. But still, I wouldn’t trust a kid near stuff like that.

10. Crawford’s Market brings the World Largest Cheese to the LA County Fair.

Still, you don’t see Alice in Dairy Land cut the cheese. For a silent and deadly stench may doom us all.

11. Cash will always make the holidays happier.

From Bad Postcards: “It looks like the girl is getting ready to vomit on her brother’s present.” The dad doesn’t seem too thrilled either.

12. Looks like it’s happy hour wherever this guy is.

Looks like someone’s cocktail could use a little more cowbell. Not sure how that would work out.

13. “This Attractive New Work Handling Equipment Cuts Work Handling Costs!”

That slogan sounds redundant and vague. Also, that woman looks like she wants whoever’s talking to shut up.

14. “Oh, Suzy, why do you always have to look at trains? It’s most unladylike.”

“Why can’t you be normal and read magazines other girls like such as celebrity tabloids? Or ones catering to feminine insecurities?”

15. Bonat hair dryers are fit for any beauty salon these days.

After all, on the Enterprise, you’d need different dryers for different kinds of hair. Not sure which one a Klingnon would use.

16. This BTC Beverage Cooler chills up to 288 bottles.

Also great for freezing the remains of your dead husband you murdered for the insurance money. I’m no one will recognize Charlie after Mildred has chopped off his limbs and torso.

17. Nobody could ever resist Halliday plastics for the home.

From Bad Postcards: “I’ll take two plastic dresses, a plastic clown, and the stackable plastic bowls. Figure my bill, please. I’m running late for a Tupperware party.” Available at your local landfill, ocean, or beach.

18. The ADDO-X Plus is a well tuned adding machine.

Though Adelaide has thoughts about dropping it on Nancy after work. Because Nancy always has to be better at crunching numbers than her in accounting. She must be stopped.

19. A secretary is never happy without two typewriters on her desk.

She uses one for her office related tasks. And she uses the other for recording thoughts of existential dread in her soul crushing existence.

20. Caryl Richards WIDE WIDE WAVE gives your hair more body to style your hair your way.

Of course, she received her new do from one of Whoville’s finest hair salons. And she looks utterly fabulous.

21. You’re in for a jolly Roger good time with a Pirates of the Caribbean themed bachelor party.

Drinks available will be Captain Morgan and Bacardi rum. Stay for a visit from Captain Jackie Sparebra. So you can yo, ho, ho all night with these ladies.

22. In Washington state, it’s apple picking time.

But keep in mind a woman’s lipstick has to match the color. Also, this could’ve been taken anywhere.

23. In the summertime, there’s nothing more fun than zip-lining. Women love zip-lining.

And she has to do it wearing no helmet whatsoever. Not necessarily a stellar example in safety.

24. Hairstyles Unlimited: for your constant loveliness.

Or the kind of salon you’d imagine Willie Wonka run if he worked as a hairdresser instead of a confectioner. He’d still have slave labor doing the actual styling though.

25. “Millionaire softened water makes me feel so good all over-why not try it?”

Still, how did she get out of the bath with full makeup, perfect hair, and high heeled shoes? I don’t understand it.

26. Huntington Maintenance and Sanitation products ensure quality cleanliness.

Still, this guy is just full of himself. For God’s sake he has his one image on a barrel.

27. “Seasons Greetings from Texas.”

Does it even snow in that state? Cause that just doesn’t look like Texas to me. To think this snow scene is from Texas defies all logical explanation.

28. This bamboo rake will rake in profits for you.

Like you didn’t know money grows on trees. Also, that background looks fake.

29. A beach vacation will always give you fun in the sun.

But with the right hairspray, your hair will be perfect even after hit by a tidal wave. Also, she has bad tan lines that I almost thought her swimsuit fell apart.

30. Here we have a Native American brave emerging from his wigwam.

Now this would be fine if this postcard came from the Midwest. But it’s actually from New York state. So why he’s wearing a warbonnet is beyond me.

31. Always fight for God, country, and flag.

Yet, this kind of imagery reflects the white Christian nationalism that got Donald Trump elected. And despite the pageantry, Trump doesn’t go to church, isn’t a patriot, and sure doesn’t respect the flag.

32. Electrolux gives you cleaning pleasure.

Like how is that a thing? I can’t even fathom that. Vacuums are incessant noise machines, damn it!

33. Behold, the world’s first automatic post office.

Guess this doesn’t make the postal workers happy. Automation has killed a lot of jobs for decades.

34. “How about I aim for that rabbit over there?”

Looking at their faces, I’m not sure if they know what they’re doing. Then again, they may not be aiming at an animal.

35. Come to Ralph’s Restaurant, home of the char-glo steaks.

What’s a char-glo steak? Is it a piece of steak grilled over uranium? Cause I’m not sure if I want to eat that.

36. You don’t know the real meaning of emancipation until you see the giant Abraham Lincoln statue.

On the bright side, at least this cartoonish statue isn’t in Gettysburg. And no, old Abe isn’t giving the finger despite your initial impressions.

37. Beauty Line shutters provide a perfect, “finishing touch.”

For some reason, advertisers seemed believe they can use scantily clad women to sell anything. Also, shutters are mostly considered window dressing these days anyway.

38. Kenny Kangaroo is here to give you fond memories.

For the love of God, keep your kids away from this costumed kangaroo. He may seem friendly but you’ll soon find yourself in a windowless van headed for some rich guy’s sex dungeon in who knows where.

39. Hi there! Heard you missed Sunday school last week.

Courtesy of the First Methodist Church of Stepford, apparently. I think they might be robots. Or folks who lure black people for seniors to assume their identities.

40. Here we come to a man sitting near a world class polar bear from Siberia that he shot and mounted.

Posing with a polar bear might make him feel like a badass. But in reality, he’s probably compensating for something. Seriously, that’s not cool.

41. You’ll always have a ball at the beach.

But it’s all fun and games until little Timmy shits his pants. Then he gets very cranky.

42. The lily pond always has the prettiest flowers.

Yet, she doesn’t seem the least bit disturbed about being a smorgasbord for mosquitoes. And let’s just say you don’t want to get malaria or Zika.

43. At the beach, there’s always “fun among the sea oats.”

You can get plenty of innuendo in this one. Are you feeling the oats?

44. Strategy in WWII hasn’t been brought to life like this before.

This wax display doesn’t seem lifelike at all. Dwight Eisenhower doesn’t seem to be contributing much at all. He’s in the right corner by the way.

45. Crazy Johnnie’s taxidermy has everything for your big game decorating needs.

This is kind of disturbing. Even more disconcerting are the bear stuff and the baby seal mount. Seriously, what monster would kill a baby seal?

46. “Have you had your thermal bath?”

Neither woman seems to mind being wrapped cocoons. For all they know, the staff could kill them in their sleep and throw them in the river.

47. This woman has kind of a cheesy disposition.

Wallace, may I introduce you to the perfect woman. She has all her curds in the right places. So who am I to diss a brie?

48. And you thought a car ride was too much to bear. Not anymore.

Though that bear is kind of small. But I sure don’t want that guy being behind the wheel. Might become lunch on the way.

49. Looks like Wally finally caught that big fish.

However, it makes catching big tuna seem way too easy than it really is. Still, hope that beach doesn’t have a catch and release policy.

50. Come to Groton, Connecticut, “The Submarine Capital of the World.”

The postcard would be fine if it had shown an actual submarine. This is a motorboat. Guess a sub wasn’t available for the photoshoot.

51. Here we witness a dramatic reenactment of the Cherokee Harvest Dance.

Chief Kevin was unimpressed by Pete and Bob’s imitation of Cirque du Soleil. Yet, Margaret was absolutely bored out of her mind.

52. Come to Kalaska, Michigan for the National Trout Festival.

Tonight we feature giant zombie trout that devours fishermen whole with impunity. Many fishing enthusiasts don’t dare face the dreaded fish for fear they’ll never be seen again.

53. Greetings from Daytona Beach, the world’s most famous beach.

And here we have a line of women in swimsuits to entice men to go there. And all pretty much have to look somewhat the same but not wear the same outfit.

54. This little girl caught a fish that couldn’t fit in her wagon.

Sure it’s about as big as she is. And yes, she probably had help from her parents. But can’t you let a little girl be proud of her achievements for God’s sake?

55. “We are looking for you this Sunday.”

Funny how such illustrations in these church postcards make you wonder if there’s something sinister going on. Those people’s faces are incredibly creepy.

56. This Christmas, let R&R Toy be your Santa and make your seasons jolly.

Oh, hell no! Not nightmare Santa Claus. Why the hell is he near that kid? Doesn’t anyone have any idea how dangerous he is around children?

57. Jesus can show you the way toward life.

Because the road to death only leads to a long drop from a cliff. So yes, Jesus saves and not just a lot on your car insurance.

58. Bible Land brings you to a Garden of Life.

Still, admission to this place isn’t cheap. In fact, it will cost you 5 loaves, 2 fishes, and firstborn. Though you can slaughter a lamb and put its blood on your door to avoid paying the last part.

59. The diver has a rather spongy disposition.

Yes, those are some sponges. And no, you shouldn’t use them to clean your house or dishes.

60. An Alaskan wolf is a particularly vicious beast.

Sorry, but taxidermy just doesn’t make this animal look at all intimidating. Besides, wolves aren’t that ferocious except when protecting their cubs.

61. Come to behold the scenic beauty of Balanced Rock.

That’s just a huge boulder. Why the hell does this make a worthy postcard? I don’t understand.

62. Come to Chappaquiddick, Massachusetts to admire the wondrous Dyke Bridge.

You remember this one-lane bridge as the place where Ted Kennedy nearly destroyed his political career. Heard they have a guide to show you where Mary Jo Kopeche died while being trapped in her car.

63. It’s always a magical visit to the Castle of Gnomes.

Don’t worry, kids. They’re just made of porcelain. No, they’re not trying to kill you or haunt your dreams. You just have a vivid imagination. Nothing to see here.

64. You can meet the deer close up at Mt. Rainier National Park.

Still, if a deer loses its fear of humans, that’s not good. Also, that girl, well, I heard her dad’s supposed to be a hairy sasquatch wandering the woods and eluding anyone trying to look for him.

65. Behold, the majestic beauty of the Blowing Rock.

Once again, that’s just a rock. There’s nothing remarkable about it. Besides, how is it supposed to be “blowing?”

66. “Greetings from Kansas.”

Doesn’t look very exciting does it? For God’s sake I think it could attract tourism it included at least a tornado.

67. The Salesmate is a new portable audio-visual selling tool.

You mean they had portable TV you can fold up from a suitcase? Why haven’t I heard of this?

68. “Howdy from Nevada.”

Seems like it consists of a long stretch of a desert highway. Though the purple mountains majesties are pretty. But that’s not why most people go to Nevada.

69. Candle Art Creations always try to please.

I’m sure acid had something to do with some of their designs. Not sure if I’d want any of these in my home.

70. Flower Fresh Cleaning keeps your living room as good as new.

From Bad Postcards: “Housewife Winifred notices that Hank, her Duraclean Man, looks tired from a long day of cleaning and offers him a chair massage. Hank, always the willing reciprocator at house calls, offers Winifred a “special” foot bath that will satisfy two of his fetishes: suds and feet.”

Bon Voyage Vacation Memories

GE DIGITAL CAMERA

Here am I in one of the gardens at Richmond, Virginia’s Maymont in 2015 with my parents. This gilded age estate boasts an animal sanctuary, a Victorian mansion, gardens, and an arboretum. And yes, it takes all day to walk through it.

In the swing of the summer, August is usually the time when most people go on vacation. Well, at least in the United States anyway. Mostly because the summer vacation is winding down for the kids who will soon be back to school for the most part. Nevertheless, you will find a lot of people want to cherish such trips forever in their scrap books or photo albums so you have people wanting to take pictures of their family. Or they may want to use the vacation photos in their Christmas card. At any rate, I can show you so many great vacation photos from people’s travels. But you’d probably assume that they’re stock photos and probably not find them interesting. So instead, I’d go to Awkward Family Photos and show pictures that don’t depict precious memories as well as were probably taken at the wrong moment. If you think your vacation photos didn’t turn out right, I hope this post makes you feel better. Because it should.

  1. Greetings from Carnival Cruises!
And what better way to show it than by being photoshopped riding on a dolphin? Yeah, it's pretty obvious.

And what better way to show it than by being photoshopped riding on a dolphin? Yeah, it’s pretty obvious.

2. When you have to answer the call of nature, holding it in can’t wait.

Helps if you bring your own toilet. Yet, you still have to take your crap with you. Or bury it.

Helps if you bring your own toilet. Yet, you still have to take your crap with you. Or bury it.

3. Nothing makes a great family vacation photo like a picture in front of the Golden Gate Bridge.

However, you should always check if the photo shoot location is a nude beach before you take the picture. Else, you might end up with a full moon near the water.

However, you should always check if the photo shoot location is a nude beach before you take the picture. Else, you might end up with a full moon near the water.

4. Remember to always wear a life jacket when you’re on a boat. You’ll never know when it’ll come in handy.

Yeah, seems like we have someone who fell overboard on the rapids. Don't worry, Sadie, Mom's got you covered.

Yeah, seems like we have someone who fell overboard on the rapids. Don’t worry, Sadie, Mom’s got you covered.

5. “And here is the whole family at the hotel witnessing some guy being taken to the emergency room.”

Guy being taken into an ambulance: Not funny. Family posing for a vacation photo while a guy's being taken into an ambulance: hilarious.

Guy being taken into an ambulance: Not funny. Family posing for a vacation photo while a guy’s being taken into an ambulance: Hilarious.

6. Sometimes a Disney World wedding proposal can be so perfect, save for that one pesky tourist who got in the way.

Given that Disney is usually crowded as hell, you have to expect these things. Yeah, that's a photobomb to remember.

Given that Disney is usually crowded as hell, you have to expect these things. Yeah, that’s a photobomb to remember.

7. Travel to the wonderful picturesque scenery of LaCroaca Beach.

Apparently, this family came since they heard it was a "Super Fun Zone." Little did they know it was actually a "Superfund Zone." Very different connotation.

Apparently, this family came since they heard it was a “Super Fun Zone.” Little did they know it was actually a “Superfund Zone.” Very different connotation.

8. There’s nothing like spending a great vacation with your dad.

However, a father and son photo is not the kind of picture for an old man in a speedo. You can't unsee that.

However, a father and son photo is not the kind of picture for an old man in a speedo. You can’t unsee that.

9. “No, I don’t want to sit with the Squid Lady!”

Then again, I can't really blame the kid. That woman really looks like a sea monster coming after him.

Then again, I can’t really blame the kid. That woman really looks like a sea monster coming after him.

10. “On second thought, maybe taking Sparky with us wasn’t a good idea.”

Yeah, I don't think the dog should be sniffing up that woman's skirt. Really ruins the moment.

Yeah, I don’t think the dog should be sniffing up that woman’s skirt. Really ruins the moment.

11. Sometimes it helps to know what the animals are doing before taking pictures of young children at the zoo.

Apparently, the older brother has some fascination with Humping, Humping Hippos. As for the girl, well, she's probably watched enough nature shows to know what's going on.

Apparently, the older brother has some fascination with Humping, Humping Hippos. As for the girl, well, she’s probably watched enough nature shows to know what’s going on.

12. On the water, always try to hold onto the raft.

Or else you can go flying out of the boat or into the water. Luckily he has on his life jacket.

Or else you can go flying out of the boat or into the water. Luckily he has on his life jacket.

13. Here are the Hendersons in the cave with Perry the Polar Bear.

And it seems like Perry wants to take Mrs. Henderson and Leslie for a tasty meal afterwards. Then again, Perry may be some really gigantic and ugly Arctic Ferret for all I care.

And it seems like Perry wants to take Mrs. Henderson and Leslie for a tasty meal afterwards. Then again, Perry may be some really gigantic and ugly Arctic Ferret for all I care.

14. Apparently, Grandpa didn’t take to surfing very well.

Sure it's a photo op. But the grandfather really seems to be in distress here. Not a happy camper in the least.

Sure it’s a photo op. But the grandfather really seems to be in distress here. Not a happy camper in the least.

15. On Carnival Cruise Lines, you can have your picture taken with your favorite Latin American stereotype.

Seems like this family went with a Mexican bandito. And no, he don't need no stinkin' badges.

Seems like this family went with a Mexican bandito. And no, he don’t need no stinkin’ badges.

16. “Just let me finish this one level of Donkey Kong.”

I don't know about you. But I think when you're on vacation, best leave the video games at home. And definitely not play them on Splash Mountain.

I don’t know about you. But I think when you’re on vacation, best leave the video games at home. And definitely not play them on Splash Mountain.

17. “Son, it’s about time that I introduce you to the tradition of lederhozen.”

I have no idea why lederhozen exists. But this is certainly a picture this boy will certainly not want his classmates to see.

I have no idea why lederhozen exists. But this is certainly a picture this boy will certainly not want his classmates to see.

18. Despite what some parents think, sometimes you’re better off not getting your teenage children matching swimsuits.

This guy must be a brave man to wear a hot pink speedo. Guess this is what guys have to go through if they have sisters.

This guy must be a brave man to wear a hot pink speedo. Guess this is what guys have to go through if they have sisters.

19. Apparently, there was a massive Pooh epidemic in town.

In fact, there was Pooh everywhere as far as the eye can see. And we mean literally everywhere.

In fact, there was Pooh everywhere as far as the eye can see. And we mean literally everywhere.

20. Sometimes your destination may include interesting venue names.

This is a leather working shop. Hopefully, little Cindy doesn't understand what "Cow's Ass" means by this point.

This is a leather working shop. Hopefully, little Cindy doesn’t understand what “Cow’s Ass” means by this point.

21. Apparently, Mr. Grizzly was not in a good mood that day.

Well, at least there's a fence so the bear won't attack anybody. Then again, the fence doesn't seem that effective. Unless it's electric.

Well, at least there’s a fence so the bear won’t attack anybody. Then again, the fence doesn’t seem that effective. Unless it’s electric.

22. Seems like the Flanders family went to the sharks.

Relax, they were at an aquarium in North Carolina and got their picture there. Interesting, they chose a shark backdrop for it.

Relax, they were at an aquarium in North Carolina and got their picture there. Interesting, they chose a shark backdrop for it.

23. Since her was a pup, Rascal always wanted to see the Grand Canyon.

But once he got there, he wasn't impressed with the view. Nobody knows why.

But once he got there, he wasn’t impressed with the view. Nobody knows why.

24. Seems like Jimmy is enjoying the family trip to Hawaii this year.

Sorry, kid, but I'm afraid the hula girl's not interested. Don't take it personally.

Sorry, kid, but I’m afraid the hula girl’s not interested. Don’t take it personally.

25. Welcome to Arkansas where they all come fully loaded.

Let's hope this kid isn't holding a real assault rifle. Because this photo is incredibly disturbing. Really.

Let’s hope this kid isn’t holding a real assault rifle. Because this photo is incredibly disturbing. Really.

26. Unfortunately, some families are bound to experience some vacation dismemberment.

This is actually a botched attempt of a panorama picture. As you see, it did not go well at all.

This is actually a botched attempt of a panorama picture so no actual dismemberment took place. But looking at it…

27. There’s nothing better than a family vacation to Disney World which is the happiest place on earth.

The Sadlers seemed to think otherwise. From their faces, they probably became disappointed once they saw how long the lines were for the rides.

The Sadlers seemed to think otherwise. From their faces, they probably became disappointed once they saw how long the lines were for the rides.

28. You can’t have a family vacation without a soak in a Jacuzzi.

I see these kind of pictures a lot and they always seem awkward. A few of the guys can't hide their discomfort for the picture. No wonder.

I see these kind of pictures a lot and they always seem awkward. A few of the guys can’t hide their discomfort for the picture. No wonder.

29. “Honey, do you know where Travis is? You told me he was in the tent.”

In reality, the kid was on the tent, not in the tent. Still, someone get him off there.

In reality, the kid was on the tent, not in the tent. Still, someone get him off there.

30. Hop aboard the good ship, Hornblower Invader.

To be fair, there is a guy named Hornblower in literature who's a naval officer. But the name can sound so dirty that it just gives me giggles.

To be fair, there is a guy named Hornblower in literature who’s a naval officer. But the name can sound so dirty that it just gives me giggles.

31. Despite being seen as “the happiest place on earth,” we have to accept the fact that Disney World has an insidious dark side.

Oh, my God, Mickey, what the hell are you doing? You're supposed to hug and pose with children, not eat them! Never seen something so horrifying.

Oh, my God, Mickey, what the hell are you doing? You’re supposed to hug and pose with children, not eat them! Never seen something so horrifying.

32. Hop along the Wet Dream, kiddos.

Well, the word "wet dream" has another meaning. But I don't think it's something to tell the kids about till they're older.

Well, the word “wet dream” has another meaning. But I don’t think it’s something to tell the kids about till they’re older.

33. Now Lexie had understood what Jason meant when he talked about “the big one that got away.”

Seems like she's jealous that her boyfriend appears more interested in the fish than in her. I don't think she understands what he has with Big Mouth Billy Bass. And never will.

Seems like she’s jealous that her boyfriend appears more interested in the fish than in her. I don’t think she understands what he has with Big Mouth Billy Bass. And never will.

34. There are some people who love roller coaster rides, then there are people like this.

My dad is totally this girl when it comes to roller coasters. She'll be in for a wild ride.

My dad is totally this girl when it comes to roller coasters. She’ll be in for a wild ride.

35. When you wanted to go see Evanescence but are stuck with going to the family cabin instead.

That girl really stands out in this picture. Then again, you tend to have that with teenagers.

That girl really stands out in this picture. Then again, you tend to have that with teenagers. It’s part of life.

36. When camping, nobody puts baby in a corner but on a post.

Well, that's one way to keep an eye on the baby. Wonder if they had camping high chairs back then. Probably not.

Well, that’s one way to keep an eye on the baby. Wonder if they had camping high chairs back then. Probably not.

37. When naming a geographic location, make sure it doesn’t have unfortunate implications.

Honestly, she's not a hoe. That's just the name of the place. But you get the joke.

Honestly, she’s not a hoe. That’s just the name of the place. But you get the joke.

38. “Watch where you place your hand, Bobby!”

To be fair, the kid doesn't know any better. But yes, it's a very unfortunate placement that you don't want on a Christmas card.

To be fair, the kid doesn’t know any better. But yes, it’s a very unfortunate placement that you don’t want on a Christmas card.

39. Greetings from Park City Mountain Resort!

The place where sibling rivalries are known to intensify. Even on the ski lifts.

The place where sibling rivalries are known to intensify. Even on the ski lifts.

40. This is a great place to see a giant tortoise up close and personal.

In fairness, this seems to be photoshopped by some zoo. Yet, it begs the question why the place would have a mating turtle backdrop to begin with.

In fairness, this seems to be photoshopped by some zoo. Yet, it begs the question why the place would have a mating turtle backdrop to begin with.

41. Think deer are pleasant creatures? Think again.

Man, some animals just don't seem to know fear. Don't worry the girl only received a bruise.

Man, some animals just don’t seem to know fear. Don’t worry the girl only received a bruise.

42. There are some foods that are too much for a seagull to resist.

Then again, seagulls eat almost anything they could get their beaks on. But they especially like fish since they're coastal birds.

Then again, seagulls eat almost anything they could get their beaks on. But they especially like fish since they’re coastal birds.

43. For some reason, the squirrel wanted to smile for the camera.

At first this photo doesn't seem out of the ordinary. Until you see the squirrel facing the camera.

At first this photo doesn’t seem out of the ordinary. Until you see the squirrel facing the camera. Then you wonder if it’s nuts.

44. There are some couples’ vacation photos that beg the question, “Why?”

Guess these two wanted a photo together to embarrass their kids with someday. Future and otherwise.

Guess these two wanted a photo together to embarrass their kids with someday. Future and otherwise.

45. Recently, she’s become a magnet for macaws.

Kind of reminds me of those vintage bikini postcard photos for some reason. Then again, it's quite tame in comparison.

Kind of reminds me of those vintage bikini postcard photos for some reason. Then again, it’s quite tame in comparison.

46. “Hey, that wasn’t supposed to happen on the elephant ride!”

Guess this was how Dumbo was made. Bet Disney didn't show you that. Still, like how one guy seems excited about it.

Guess this was how Dumbo was made. Bet Disney didn’t show you that. Still, like how one guy seems excited about it.

47. Maybe they should’ve hired a better T-shirt designer for the family reunion.

That's a very unfortunate design. Guess the little kid just learned a new curse word.

That’s a very unfortunate design. Guess the little kid just learned a new curse word.

48. When driving around the animals, always keep your window up.

Talk about a traumatizing moment. Hope the boy is all right after that. And has brought a change of clothes.

Talk about a traumatizing moment. Hope the boy is all right after that. And has brought a change of clothes.

49. This old lady is like, “I never want to go on this ride again.”

Since this photo was taken on a water ride, I wouldn't blame her. But that look her face says it all.

Since this photo was taken on a water ride, I wouldn’t blame her. But that look her face says it all.

50.  Woodland scenery always makes a great romantic photo op.

Except when you see two bears mating in the background. Yes, that's what hot grizzly action looks like kids. No joke.

Except when you see two bears mating in the background. Yes, that’s what hot grizzly action looks like kids. No joke.

51. “Sorry, Grandma, but it’s for your own good.”

Pushing your granny off of Niagra Falls. It's the kind of touching family photo only the likes of Alfred Hitchcock would dream of making into a movie.

Pushing your granny off of Niagra Falls. It’s the kind of touching family photo only the likes of Alfred Hitchcock would dream of making into a movie.

52. That moment when you want to take a picture of your kids during nuclear testing.

You got to hope that photoshop was going on here. Otherwise, those kids might be doomed for all we know.

You got to hope that photoshop was going on here. Otherwise, those kids might be doomed for all we know.

53. “Excuse me, but could you take me and my cubs to the salmon spawning grounds?”

That has to make you shit your pants. Seriously, if a bear comes that close to you, stay in the car and drive off. Just do it.

That has to make you shit your pants. Seriously, if a bear comes that close to you, stay in the car and drive off. Just do it.

54. Nothing is more fun than pretending to be African tribesmen killing taxidermied animals.

I know this might be offensive to some people. But I think it's pretty funny. Besides, this picture was taken in the 1970s anyway.

I know this might be offensive to some people. But I think it’s pretty funny. Besides, this picture was taken in the 1970s anyway.

55. At Zakopane, dog sled rides are fun for the whole family.

However, that has to be someone in a polar bear suit. And it seems to have the body of an Abominable Snowman.

However, that has to be someone in a polar bear suit. And it seems to have the body of an Abominable Snowman.

56. “Aaaah! Giraffe Man in the water! Run for your lives!”

This is just too much. Like how everyone seems scared by a guy in a giraffe suit. And he's not nearly as scary as a maneating shark.

This is just too much. Like how everyone seems scared by a guy in a giraffe suit. And he’s not nearly as scary as a maneating shark.

57. When you’re hiking and are the one holding all the equipment.

Apparently, "share the load" doesn't apply to this guy for some reason. Can see why the woman appears to resent him. Hope she gets a free trip to a massage parlor afterwards.

Apparently, “share the load” doesn’t apply to this guy for some reason. Can see why the woman appears to resent him. Hope she gets a free trip to a massage parlor afterwards.

58. Nothing is scarier to children than a banjo playing gator.

Even funnier, that gator is nowhere near intimidating. But the kids are crying anyway.

Even funnier, that gator is nowhere near intimidating. But the kids are crying anyway.

59. Sometimes you never know who you’re going to meet on the road.

Yes, there's a biker gang nearby. No, I don't know if they're just there to admire the scenery. But it's pretty funny.

Yes, there’s a biker gang nearby. No, I don’t know if they’re just there to admire the scenery. But it’s pretty funny.

60. Introducing the “Dad Tan.”

Not sure if those are his tan lines or he doesn't know how to put on sunscreen correctly. Either way, he might need to apply the Aloe Vera.

Not sure if those are his tan lines or he doesn’t know how to put on sunscreen correctly. Either way, he might need to apply the Aloe Vera.

61. When it comes to meth, just let it go before this happens.

Elsa, what the hell happened to you? You look like hell. And you seem like you're in really deep shit, too.

Elsa, what the hell happened to you? You look like hell. And you seem like you’re in really deep shit, too.

62. Here is Tom taking a jump at the Grand Canyon.

Don't worry it's photoshopped. But it sure will freak out his parents.

Don’t worry it’s photoshopped. But it sure will freak out his parents.

63. Your first time on water skis could be a rather crazy experience.

This kid is holding his breath. Wouldn't really blame him either.

This kid is holding his breath. Wouldn’t really blame him either.

64. Sibling rivalry: sometimes it can start at a very young age.

This is bound to give your parents a heart attack. Then again, maybe the other kid lost balance.

This is bound to give your parents a heart attack. Then again, maybe the other kid lost balance.

65. “Aaah! There’s an ostrich at my window!”

I can understand why that woman is screaming. If an ostrich appeared at your car window, you'd feel the same way.

I can understand why that woman is screaming. If an ostrich appeared at your car window, you’d feel the same way.

66. Sometimes moments like these make you wish to have a vacation away from your embarrassing family.

Family vacations can be inescapable things sometimes. Particularly when to posing for crazy photo ops.

Family vacations can be inescapable things sometimes. Particularly when to posing for crazy photo ops.

67. “Who put tomato slices on my legs?”

If I were her, I'd be asking the same question. Then again, she was probably a prank target.

If I were her, I’d be asking the same question. Then again, she was probably a prank target.

68. For some reason, little Cassidy was different from the other girls.

Seems like she's looking a bit grizzly lately. Best to not get on her bad side for the time being.

Seems like she’s looking a bit grizzly lately. Best to not get on her bad side for the time being.

69. You always need a picture with giraffes on a zoo trip.

And I guess the trip became a rather educational experience for this young girl. Or at least when she saw what the giraffes were doing in the background.

And I guess the trip became a rather educational experience for this young girl. Or at least when she saw what the giraffes were doing in the background.

70. When photographing your kids near rocks, make sure they don’t have anything written on them.

Yeah, "get high" is not an appropriate message for children. But it's graffiti so it's not where it's supposed to be anyway.

Yeah, “get high” is not an appropriate message for children. But it’s graffiti so it’s not where it’s supposed to be anyway.

71. Someone wake up Grandma before she’s underwater.

Well, she certainly chose the wrong place to sit at the beach. Don't want to be at the tide.

Well, she certainly chose the wrong place to sit at the beach. Don’t want to be at the tide.

72. Seems like this place is having a ball.

Let's hope this little girl doesn't know what the word, "testicle" means. At least until she's older.

Let’s hope this little girl doesn’t know what the word, “testicle” means. At least until she’s older.

73. Seems like Maisy fell out of the plane.

Don't worry. Her mom and her sister have her. So she's fine. Seriously.

Don’t worry. Her mom and her sister have her. So she’s fine. Seriously.

74. Someone help her before she falls off a cliff.

Again, this is a photoshopped picture designed to freak out parents. But still, it's disturbing.

Again, this is a photoshopped picture designed to freak out parents. But still, it’s disturbing.

75. Someone doesn’t think that Tiggers are wonderful things.

For the girl hiding under the table, Tiggers are the stuff of nightmares. Of great, big, bouncy nightmares.

For the girl hiding under the table, Tiggers are the stuff of nightmares. Of great, big, bouncy nightmares.

76. How about a moon over Manhattan?

I didn't mean that kind of moon. But you can see the photographer was in for a big surprise when this picture developed.

I didn’t mean that kind of moon. But you can see the photographer was in for a big surprise when this picture developed.

77. Someone doesn’t seem to be enjoying their Caribbean vacation.

Then again, the guy's face totally seems photoshopped since he probably wasn't with his folks on the trip to begin with. Doesn't look right at all.

Then again, the guy’s face totally seems photoshopped since he probably wasn’t with his folks on the trip to begin with. Doesn’t look right at all.

78. When everyone’s exhausted on the trip and you’re wanting to see more.

Then again, the baby was probably tiring out the whole family. And might even cry just for the heck of it.

Then again, the baby was probably tiring out the whole family. And might even cry just for the heck of it.

79. This has to be a view from another world.

This is a beach where kids are on leashes and dogs run free. Hopefully the dogs are spayed or neutered.

This is a beach where kids are on leashes and dogs run free. Hopefully the dogs are spayed or neutered.

80. “Did we miss anybody?”

Looks like someone fell off the raft in the rapids. Guess they'll have to go back for him.

Looks like someone fell off the raft in the rapids. Guess they’ll have to go back for him.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Fifth Edition)

vintage_california

Once again, it’s summer vacation season where people travel to some far off destination before having to deal with back to school season. Or if they can afford it and have any vacation days. Because a lot of people in the US don’t. Nevertheless, this California postcard is one of the greats since each block letter shows you each unique feature and destination you can see like the Golden Gate Bridge, Hollywood, Yosemite, the Redwood Forest, Death Valley, the freeways, beaches, orange groves, and more. And it even has the California state house in the corner like that is even necessary. As you might’ve seen before in my previous postcard posts, you might find a lot of them from back in the day. However, though I can show you all the wonderful postcards out there, you might find them incredibly uninteresting. So I’m going to stick with those you might find incredibly ridiculous because I like to play with people’s sense nostalgia. After all, most of these are from the 1950s-1970s anyway. Now for your reading pleasure, enjoy yet another selection of these vintage postcards.

 

  1. We begin with a couple ladies enjoying a thrilling ride down the escalator.
Yes, it's so fun to go down the escalator at the mall. This is especially for the Ooomah Loompah's beautiful daughter. Or Donald Trump's mother, but I don't wish to offend the woman in yellow.

Yes, it’s so fun to go down the escalator at the mall. This is especially for the Ooomah Loompah’s beautiful daughter. Or Donald Trump’s mother, but I don’t wish to offend the woman in yellow.

2. Explore the picturesque view of Bass River State Park, New Jersey.

Either this woman is trying to cover up a major wardrobe malfunction or she's not wearing a bra. Because the way she has her hand on her chest makes me feel quite suspicious.

Either this woman is trying to cover up a major wardrobe malfunction or she’s not wearing a bra. Because the way she has her hand on her chest makes me feel quite suspicious.

3. “And this dress comes with two matching hats.”

I know the print is very atrocious and would better as window drapery. Then again, I apologize to any of my window viewers reading this.

I know the print is very atrocious and would better as window drapery. Then again, I apologize to any of my window viewers reading this.

4. For efficient liquid handling, try Hannay Hose Reels.

Yes, these hose reels are for your garden hose. I know they're industrial looking but that was what they were like at the time.

Yes, these hose reels are for your garden hose. I know they’re industrial looking but that was what they were like at the time.

5. This old man just loves to frolick with his black eyed susans.

I don't know about you. But there's something very unsettling about this old guy. I just don't know what.

I don’t know about you. But there’s something very unsettling about this old guy. I just don’t know what.

6. At Colonial Williamsburg, feel free to put one of our reenactors into the stockade.

However, if you want to harass and throw some rotten produce at her, then you're shit out of luck. But you can still get your picture taken.

However, if you want to harass and throw some rotten produce at her, then you’re shit out of luck. But you can still get your picture taken.

7. Welcome to Oklahoma City from their local Veterettes.

Only in Oklahoma City where you can find a local VFW having its own majorette squad. Bad Postcards adds, "Name changed after its first year as the Veterans of Foreign Warsettes."

Only in Oklahoma City where you can find a local VFW having its own majorette squad. Bad Postcards adds, “Name changed after its first year as the Veterans of Foreign Warsettes.”

8. Hope you enjoy Lolly the Magic Clown making balloon animals.

However, when he's asking for a volunteer, feel free to not raise your hand. Because those who do are never seen again. And those who volunteered to be sawed in half usually meet a grisly end onstage.

However, when he’s asking for a volunteer, feel free to not raise your hand. Because those who do are never seen again. And those who volunteered to be sawed in half usually meet a grisly end onstage.

9. Desmond “the Daffy Diplomat” always knows where the fun is.

Tragically for some people, it involves making volunteers' money magically disappear from their bank accounts. Also what's with the dice on his fingers?

Tragically for some people, it involves making volunteers’ money magically disappear from their bank accounts. Also what’s with the dice on his fingers?

10. More mail for Santa Claus in North Pole, New York.

Due to melting Arctic ice caps caused by climate change, Santa Clause was forced to relocate his operations to a more stable location. He tried to move to Siberia but the Soviets thought he was too much of a capitalist icon. So he settled for upstate New York.

Due to melting Arctic ice caps caused by climate change, Santa Clause was forced to relocate his operations to a more stable location. He tried to move to Siberia but the Soviets thought he was too much of a capitalist icon. So he settled for upstate New York.

11. Lake of the Woods, Minnesota is proud to present to you Willie Walleye.

The area's historical society has a whole page dedicated to this guy as well as plenty of tall tales. So he's sort of like the Paul Bunyan of fish?

The area’s historical society has a whole page dedicated to this guy as well as plenty of tall tales. So he’s sort of like the Paul Bunyan of fish?

12. As we all know, good fences make good neighbors.

However, when it comes to neighborhood fencing, I would prefer something more inviting. Like a wooden picket fence. Because metal ones are more suitable for public places.

However, when it comes to neighborhood fencing, I would prefer something more inviting. Like a wooden picket fence. Because metal ones are more suitable for public places.

13. “Performing in the Last Chance Saloon 3 times daily” are Miss Kitty and her Can-Can dancers.

Sorry, but to me, that just looks like a poorly executed version of Moulin Rouge. Also, fringe underwear? That's stripper wear.

Sorry, but to me, that just looks like a poorly executed version of Moulin Rouge. Also, fringe underwear? That’s stripper wear.

14. Always dress your best during deer hunting season, ladies.

I guess the orange and camo dress code didn't exist at the time. Still, how exactly do you shoot a deer with fur mittens? I don't get it.

I guess the orange and camo dress code didn’t exist at the time. Still, how exactly do you shoot a deer with fur mittens? I don’t get it.

15. I guess this restaurant owner is like, “I use antlers in all of my decorating.”

Okay, I know it's not entirely decorated with antlers, but I couldn't resist that. Nevertheless, I'm sure this restaurant isn't recommended for Mount Lebanon residents.

Breakfast specials include the 4 dozen eggs every morning to help kids get large. The adult version is 5 dozen eggs that will make you roughly the size of a barge. Nevertheless, I’m sure this restaurant isn’t recommended for Mount Lebanon residents.

16. Here we come to what seems to be in an undisclosed location.

Because it really seems like this might be a blood facility with the red liquid and people in scrubs. And it kind of creeps me out.

Because it really seems like this might be a blood facility with the red liquid and people in scrubs. And it kind of creeps me out.

17. From St. Louis, you might remember the Jakovac Tamburica.

From Bad Postcards: "If, by some bizarre turn of events, I become a designer of sex toys, I have the name for my first product." Also, those outfits really don't make their case any better.

From Bad Postcards: “If, by some bizarre turn of events, I become a designer of sex toys, I have the name for my first product.” Yeah, when your band goes by the name Jakovac Tamburica, you might want to reconsider.

18. Welcome to Wildwoods by the Sea, New Jersey, home of the Hellhole.

Of course, some people might think hellhole applies to New Jersey in general. But this one has demonic statue to greet you.

Of course, some people might think hellhole applies to New Jersey in general. But this one has demonic statue to greet you.

19. Come to Wisconsin, home of the world’s largest cheese.

Now that is a hell of a lot of cheese. You have to think of the cows whose milk went to its production.

Now that is a hell of a lot of cheese. You have to think of the cows whose milk went to its production.

20. Of course it’s not every day you find a flying jackalope.

So there's more than one kind of jackalope? Had no idea. Still, this consists of a rabbit, small antlers, and pheasant wing and tail.

So there’s more than one kind of jackalope? Had no idea. Still, this consists of a rabbit, small antlers, and pheasant wing and tail.

21. Come to Rogue River, Oregon, home of the National Rooster Crowing Contest.

Marked by an enormous rooster statue. Has a plumage of green and gold unlike most roosters. Perhaps it symbolizes Rogue River's profits.

Marked by an enormous rooster statue. Has a plumage of green and gold unlike most roosters. Perhaps it symbolizes Rogue River’s profits.

22. In Bemidji, Minnesota, stop by at Morrell’s Chippewa Trading Post.

Sorry, but that wolf looks so demented at the moment that you can't take it seriously. Apparently this place isn't known for its taxidermy.

Sorry, but that wolf looks so demented at the moment that you can’t take it seriously. Apparently this place isn’t known for its taxidermy.

23. Look super hip in Valerie’s “Young Look” belt.

From Bad Postcards: "Looks like she’s trying to put on her best model face while hiding the need to barf up all the bacon and pancakes and syrup being squeezed out of her gut." Also doesn't seem very enthusiastic about having her picture taken.

From Bad Postcards: “Looks like she’s trying to put on her best model face while hiding the need to barf up all the bacon and pancakes and syrup being squeezed out of her gut.” Also doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about having her picture taken.

24. “Uh, dude, can you uncoil me for a moment. You’re kind of suffocating me right now.”

Because strangling is how snakes kill large prey. Still, I have no idea why anyone would want to put that statue on a postcard. It's just crazy.

Because strangling is how snakes kill large prey. Still, I have no idea why anyone would want to put that statue on a postcard. It’s just crazy.

25. From Mansfield, Ohio is country music guitarist Tex Forman.

From Bad Postcards: "Tex, if you’d like to break into a larger market, start by emblazoning your name on your instrument with something other than electrical tape." Yeah, that kind of looks very cheap.

From Bad Postcards: “Tex, if you’d like to break into a larger market, start by emblazoning your name on your instrument with something other than electrical tape.” Yeah, that kind of looks very cheap.

26. “Okay, Snowflake, what is it this time?”

Didn't know Santa even had a white reindeer. Why didn't they even tell us about this?

Didn’t know Santa even had a white reindeer. Why didn’t they even tell us about this?

27. “A portrait grows in value to you.”

Maybe, but that doesn't stop this girl seeming quite creepy. Maybe this was taken when they were searching for actresses for Rhoda in The Bad Seed.

Maybe, but that doesn’t stop this girl seeming quite creepy. Maybe this was taken when they were searching for actresses for Rhoda in The Bad Seed.

28. “What’s that your pointing to, Lucifer?”

Because that's impression I get when I see this. Still, Satan seems like he's some sort of crazy guy you might watch on Game of Thrones.

Because that’s impression I get when I see this. Still, Satan seems like he’s some sort of crazy guy you might watch on Game of Thrones.

29. In Spokane, Washington, feel free to look at the world’s largest bear.

Uh, couldn't he just take a picture of it and hang it somewhere? Seriously, why he kill it as a trophy? Something tells me he might be compensating for something.

Uh, couldn’t he just take a picture of it and hang it somewhere? Seriously, why he kill it as a trophy? Something tells me he might be compensating for something.

30. Linville Caverns always contain beautiful stalagmite formations.

There's nothing like going into a cave dressed in your trench and pearls. Or as I call it, something you shouldn't wear in a cave.

There’s nothing like going into a cave dressed in your trench and pearls. Or as I call it, something you shouldn’t wear in a cave.

31. It’s always pleasant to have a portrait made at Hess Brothers.

However, this kid might not share that opinion. Because he doesn't really seem to be smiling.

However, this kid might not share that opinion. Because he doesn’t really seem to be smiling. More like wanting to get out of there.

32. Nothing makes a romantic evening like listening to Enzo Stuarti.

From Bad Postcards: "The guys at the table seem more enamored of Enzo than the women. Where’s the band?" When you think about it, it seems about right.

From Bad Postcards: “The guys at the table seem more enamored of Enzo than the women. Where’s the band?” When you think about it, it seems about right.

33. Welcome to Ole’s Big Game Lounge in Paxton, Nebraska.

Guess Ole seems quite proud that he shot all these African animals before they were on the Endangered Species list. Still, the taxidermy is kind of unnerving.

Guess Ole seems quite proud that he shot all these African animals before they were on the Endangered Species list. Still, the taxidermy is kind of unnerving.

34. Here we have a recreation of John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and Benjamin Franklin working on the Declaration of Independence.

For some reason Benjamin Franklin wasn't feeling so well today. But knowing that such task was so important for the country, he showed up to Independence Hall anyway.

For some reason Benjamin Franklin wasn’t feeling so well today. But knowing that such task was so important for the country, he showed up to Independence Hall anyway.

35. “Okay, guys, shall we proceed with the battering ram exercises?”

Actually this is a bunch of marines at Parris Island doing a log lifting exercise. And all in unflattering fitness attire.

Actually this is a bunch of marines at Parris Island doing a log lifting exercise. And all in unflattering fitness attire.

36. “We will be glad to pick you up for Sunday School next Sunday.”

Mr. Harris would be happy to drive Timmy there in his windowless van. Oh, God, I'm horrible.

Mr. Harris would be happy to drive Timmy there in his windowless van. Oh, God, I’m horrible.

37. “I always want to look my best whenever I go to the farmer’s market.”

Because the farmer's market is the place where women dress up in furs, gloves, and fine jewelry. Don't forget to top it off with a tiara.

Because the farmer’s market is the place where women dress up in furs, gloves, and fine jewelry. Don’t forget to top it off with a tiara.

38. All hail to the almighty beach ball of Calamari.

Another marine training session at Parris Island, South Carolina. You have to admit that these guys aren't afraid to look utterly ridiculous.

Another marine training session at Parris Island, South Carolina. You have to admit that these guys aren’t afraid to look utterly ridiculous.

39. Welcome to the bank of the future.

That's a bank? I kind of liken it to if Emperor Palpatine's vacation home was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

That’s a bank? I kind of liken it to if Emperor Palpatine’s vacation home was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

40. Greetings from the North Pole from Santa Claus.

For some reason, I think having this postcard from some place in upstate New York instead of the North Pole might lead to childhood disillusionment. Mostly because a lot of kids don't imagine Santa living in upstate New York.

For some reason, I think having this postcard from some place in upstate New York instead of the North Pole might lead to childhood disillusionment. Mostly because a lot of kids don’t imagine Santa living in some town in upstate New York.

41. “Missed me, guys?”

Yes, I've put a lot of bad wax Jesus in these vintage postcard posts. However, this one stands out because he seems to have a goatee.

Yes, I’ve put a lot of bad wax Jesus in these vintage postcard posts. However, this one stands out because he doesn’t seem to have the kind of arm stretching emotion that comes with resurrection.

42. Today Smokey the Bear and Flippy the Fire Porpoise will discuss fire safety.

Of course, putting out a fire is easier if its surrounded by water. And you a dolphin extinguish it.

Of course, putting out a fire is easier if its surrounded by water. And you a dolphin extinguish it. Where’s the educational value in that?

43. Here a Sioux Native American plays his drum at Mt. Rushmore.

While Mt. Rushmore is referred to in this postcard as, "Shrine of Democracy," most Native Americans see it as a "shrine to white people kicking us out, taking over our land, and desecrating our sacred sites." Bet you never heard that before.

While Mt. Rushmore is referred to in this postcard as, “Shrine of Democracy,” most Native Americans see it as a “shrine to white people kicking us out, taking over our land, and desecrating our sacred sites.” Bet you never heard that before.

44. Here we come to a woman standing on a wall.

I doubt that she's managed to defy gravity. However, her checkered pants seem to defy fashion.

I doubt that she’s managed to defy gravity. However, her checkered pants seem to defy fashion.

45. For a Badlands visit, check out Toadstool Forest in South Dakota.

Though the name is Toadstool Forest, it's not a forest nor does anything there resemble a toadstool. Yet, that one rock does resemble a giant rabbit.

Though the name is Toadstool Forest, it’s not a forest nor does anything there resemble a toadstool. Yet, that one rock does resemble a giant rabbit.

46. Along Wyoming’s Lincoln Highway, you’ll find a high statue of the Great Emancipator.

Now I wonder why they decided to go with Lincoln's head instead of the rest of him. I don't understand it. Bad Postcards said it, "Makes him look like a psychopath."

Now I wonder why they decided to go with Lincoln’s head instead of the rest of him. I don’t understand it. Bad Postcards said it, “Makes him look like a psychopath.”

47. Jesus Christ is always with you, even when you’re scuba diving in Florida.

Guess you can say that Jesus is literally swimming with the fishes here. Though he seems to have his arms outstretched more than anything.

Guess you can say that Jesus is literally with the fishes here. Though he seems to have his arms outstretched more than anything.

48. Never thought I’d come across a roadside dinosaur before.

This is from South Dakota by the way. I know it's not as cool as you'd see in Jurassic Park. Still, some states seem to have a thing for large animal statues.

This is from South Dakota by the way. I know it’s not as cool as you’d see in Jurassic Park. Still, some states seem to have a thing for large animal statues.

49. Paul Bunyan and Robin Hood are together at the Enchanted Forest.

And here's Robin Hood complaining about Paul Bunyan's stiffness and bad fashion sense. The two do not get on.

And here’s Robin Hood complaining about Paul Bunyan’s stiffness and bad fashion sense. The two do not get on.

50. Take a picturesque view of Silver Bridge which collapsed into the Ohio River.

Caption: "WORST U.S. HIGHWAY BRIDGE DISASTER IN HISTORY — Occurred Dec. 15, 1967 when Silver Bridge collapsed. It carried U.S. 35 from Knauga, Ohio to Point Pleasant, W. Va. Built 1928 of unique eye-bar and rocker tower design. Forty-six bodies have been found and two still missing. Railroad bridge in background is still in use." Really? This is just in really bad taste.

Caption: “WORST U.S. HIGHWAY BRIDGE DISASTER IN HISTORY — Occurred Dec. 15, 1967 when Silver Bridge collapsed. It carried U.S. 35 from Knauga, Ohio to Point Pleasant, W. Va. Built 1928 of unique eye-bar and rocker tower design. Forty-six bodies have been found and two still missing. Railroad bridge in background is still in use.” Really? This is just in really bad taste.

51. You may have seen St. Louis’s Gateway Arch, but have you been inside it?

Caption: “A roomy observation platform at the top of the Gateway Arch offers 32 windows for viewing a thirty mile panorama of Missouri and Illinois.” However, why they decided to take the rear view of the tourists, I have no idea.

Caption: “A roomy observation platform at the top of the Gateway Arch offers 32 windows for viewing a thirty mile panorama of Missouri and Illinois.” However, why they decided to take the rear view of the tourists, I have no idea.

52. Come over to New England and visit the great state of Massachusetts.

Sorry, but that does not look like Massachusetts. That's shaped like North Dakota with a hook.

Sorry, but that does not look like Massachusetts. That’s shaped like North Dakota with a hook.

53. For your 4th of July celebration, Pedro’s Nutte House has the fireworks you’ll need.

Just don't shoot fireworks on his turf. Also, I think they need to take the, "t" and "e" out of "nutte."

Just don’t shoot fireworks on his turf. Also, I think they need to take the, “t” and “e” out of “nutte.” Not to mention, the sombrero does not help at all.

54. Stay awhile at the Mt. Sunapee Motel in New Hampshire.

Yeah, there's a place called Sunapee. I know it stirs giggles. Also, note the bikini clad woman who just got out of a pool.

Yeah, there’s a place called Sunapee. I know it stirs giggles. Also, note the bikini clad woman who just got out of a pool.

55. Spain’s Juan Ponce de Leon was in search for the Fountain of Youth while he discovered Florida in 1513.

Sure this is a rather tacky and historically inaccurate statue of Ponce de Leon with a swimsuit model. But for Florida, this is just so ironically appropriate.

Sure this is a rather tacky and historically inaccurate statue of Ponce de Leon with a swimsuit model. But for Florida, this is just so ironically appropriate.

56. Big Brother Bob Emery wants kids to drink 4 glasses of United Farmers milk every day.

Now this just has to be one of the creepiest milk ads I've seen. So, kids, drink your milk because Big Brother is watching you.

Now this just has to be one of the creepiest milk ads I’ve seen. So, kids, drink your milk because Big Brother is watching you.

57. Had better dining before? How about try the Beacon Shack?

Sure it's a complete shithole and the food is lousy. But, c'mon, at least they're being honest.

Sure it’s a complete shithole and the food is lousy. But, c’mon, at least they’re being honest.

58. There’s nothing like having a carefree day on the beach.

Can't do a postcard post without a woman in a swimsuit like this one. Of course, why she brought a thin cloth to raise above her head, I have no idea.

Can’t do a postcard post without a woman in a swimsuit like this one. Of course, why she brought a thin cloth to raise above her head, I have no idea.

59. Here we come to a tri-state view of Nebraska, South Dakota, and Iowa.

I know you can't really tell the where each state is in this postcard. Well, neither can I. Perhaps a map might be handy.

I know you can’t really tell the where each state is in this postcard. Well, neither can I. Perhaps a map might be handy.

60. Greetings from Liberal, Kansas, pancake hub of the universe.

Well, at least these women aren't wearing bikinis. But what the hell does this scene have to do with pancakes?

Well, at least these women aren’t wearing bikinis. But what the hell does this scene have to do with pancakes?

61. Here we come to some sagebrush which is the state flower of Nevada.

Caption: "This beautiful scene of sagebrush with its colorful pink blossoms is a common sight in the southwest. It stretches as far as the eye can see and besides being beautiful, has practical purposes, as deer and other wildlife feed on it. Sagebrush blooms only after a heavy rain but will bloom in any season. It’s referred to as Cenizo by many Anglos as well as Latin Americans." When you read the caption, you're expecting to see something more spectacular than brown, desert foliage.

Caption: “This beautiful scene of sagebrush with its colorful pink blossoms is a common sight in the southwest. It stretches as far as the eye can see and besides being beautiful, has practical purposes, as deer and other wildlife feed on it. Sagebrush blooms only after a heavy rain but will bloom in any season. It’s referred to as Cenizo by many Anglos as well as Latin Americans.” When you read the caption, you’re expecting to see something more spectacular than brown, desert foliage.

62. Meet President Lyndon B. Johnson and his wife Ladybird at the White House.

Tumblr member from Bad Postcards: "While the female figure bears some resemblance to Lady Bird, the man hardly looks like LBJ at all. He looks almost more..." Uh, like a psychokiller.

Tumblr member from Bad Postcards: “While the female figure bears some resemblance to Lady Bird, the man hardly looks like LBJ at all. He looks almost more…” Uh, like a psychokiller.

63. Welcome to Cyanmid Laboratories, here are your escorts to show you around.

I think the correct term is "tour guide" escort is another term for prostitute. Also, these outfits are hideous.

I think the correct term is “tour guide” escort is another term for prostitute. Also, these outfits are hideous.

64. There’s nothing better than watering your plants with a blowtorch.

Okay, it's a mister with a jetpack for watering plants. Still, the card say this mist blower gives deep penetration and steady output.

Okay, it’s a mister with a jetpack for watering plants. Still, the card say this mist blower gives deep penetration and steady output.

65. Pennsylvania welcomes you to Gifford Pinchot State Park.

And it seems that this place is starving for tourists since it has swimsuit clad women at the sign. Guess there's nothing to see there.

And it seems that this place is starving for tourists since it has swimsuit clad women at the sign. Guess there’s nothing exciting to see there unless you’re a nature lover.

66. How about spend a day at Pennsylvania’s Monroeville shopping center?

Known for its vast picturesque parking space. Just look at all the untamed streetlights and asphalt.

Known for its vast picturesque parking space. Just look at all the untamed streetlight, concrete, and asphalt.

67. Greetings from Kansas, home of a very long building.

Really Kansas? Surely your state must have something more interesting than an over 1/2 mile long building.

Really Kansas? Surely your state must have something more interesting than an over 1/2 mile long building.

68. Here we see a black bear in its natural habitat in New York’s Central Adirondacks.

So let me get this straight, the Central Adirondacks' idea of promoting tourism is a postcard of a dumpster diving bear. As Bad Postcards says, "We’re on vacation! Let’s go to the dump!"

So let me get this straight, the Central Adirondacks’ idea of promoting tourism is a postcard of a dumpster diving bear. As Bad Postcards says, “We’re on vacation! Let’s go to the dump!”

69. The Sterling Hotel at Greenwood Lake, New York presents the All Girl Topless Band.

I'm sure their performances were not suited for a PG-13 audience. Makes you wonder what kind of place the Sterling Hotel is.

I’m sure their performances were not suited for a PG-13 audience. Makes you wonder what kind of place the Sterling Hotel is. I know I don’t always show nudity but I can’t pass this one up. Best known for their fanservice.

70. Howdy from Nebraska where we herd cattle on our giant jackrabbits.

One of the reasons why cowboys ride on jackrabbits in Nebraska was because the state was once the sight of a large Native American nuclear power plant which suffered a major meltdown. That's why the rabbits are so huge out there.

One of the reasons why cowboys ride on jackrabbits in Nebraska was because the state was once the sight of a large Native American nuclear power plant which suffered a major meltdown. That’s why the rabbits are so huge out there.

The Wonderful World of Architecture (Third Edition)

monticello

If you live in the Eastern United States like me, chances are that you’re cooped up in your home due to an epic blizzard. So that probably leaves you with not much to do this weekend as far as you know it. Of course, that leaves me with some time to come up with something quick. And I have just the thing another post on architecture. You’re probably familiar with how some of the great architectural wonders are celebrated. You’ve probably seen pictures of the Pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the US Capitol, Saint Peter’s, the Parthenon, and more. I myself had been to Mount Vernon and Monticello, homes of Presidents George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. And both are architectural wonders in their own right. Nevertheless, I can talk to you all you want about the world’s great architectural wonders but you’ll probably be bored to tears since you’re most likely already familiar with them. So instead, I’ll give you a showcase of some of the world’s architectural blunders, which are structures that have achieved fame for being incredibly hideous and for polluting the landscape with their terrible aesthetics. You’ll find plenty of examples relating to modern architecture, particularly in Asian and Middle Eastern countries as well as the former Soviet Union. Latin America and Oceania aren’t very far behind either. So without further adieu, I bring you another treasure trove of great architectural blunders.

  1. I guess this must be a skyscraper straight out of Dr. Seuss or Jules Verne.
7b80e461bcdbf31645008cee9a147323

This is called the Hundertwasser Turm which is in Germany. I think it might be an apartment building. Nevertheless, wouldn’t be surprised if it resembles Captain Nemo’s home on land.

2. Guess the aliens have a place to refuel their spacecraft after all.

2c029fdb20410bd46a33a2de0e1a3df3

This is a gas station, by the way. But it’s in Slovakia. Either way, the architecture on this is totally out of this world.

3. So I guess this must be Nintendo headquarters.

3a0d22dfcc018af50cc600da01431124

Yes, this is building is in Japan. However, it’s an apartment building with reversible pods. But yes, it does seem like something you’d see in a Nintendo video game.

4. No, I don’t think that’s where Lex Luthor has his corporate headquarters. Though I could be mistaken.

4bf0d7401bfe05dc51a270f7b4cb2c01

This is the bank of China building. It’s in Hong Kong. Nevertheless, it seems to draw inspiration from the architectural styles of Metropolis and Mordor.

5. Behold, I feast my eyes on the world’s largest shampoo bottle.

9c8bc71518f26cca09127152c79995a5

It’s one of Nagoya’s Mode-Gauken Spiral Towers which are in Japan. They’re home to 3 vocational schools. However, I tend to find a building hard to take seriously since it resembles a large bottle of expensive shampoo.

6. Guess we have to dig under all that wrapping paper to save this building.

21ed42ae3cc91f719aa40660286f4f03

Wait, it’s supposed to look like that? Yes, this is another disasterpiece eyesore designed by Frank Gehry. It’s called El Hotel Marques de Riscal which is in Spain. But it seems like the place where a giant disposed his wrapping paper.

7. Looks like we found ourselves amongst a gigantic loudspeaker.

MCB_Ebene_887x600

This is the building for the Mauritius Commercial Bank. It’s in the nation of Mauritius which is an island in the Indian Ocean and former home of the Dodo. Still, you’d expect this building to ask whether you’d want fries with your burger.

8. Seems like this building has fallen over like a row of dominoes.

61a54632195cb864f7f3c4867d394d86

This is called the Polaria which is in Tromso, Norway. It’s the northernmost aquarium in the world. No, there’s nothing wrong with the building. It was constructed that way.

9. In Cameroon, you’re bound to see a monument of a gigantic screwdriver.

579f2d926d4ca0e9040d5317a38769b2

It’s called the Monument of Reunification. But to some people, it might resemble, a curling snake, a turd, or the end of a screw driver.

10. In Japan, they call this the Mode Gakuen Cocoon Tower in Tokyo.

3314ffd145b9668a1a463d4ba52af59a

It’s called that because many people think it resembles a cocoon. However, to me, it resembles a female body part that I may not be able to mention in front of a G-rated audience.

11. If Cinderizilla fits into this glass slipper, does this mean she gets to marry her Tyrannosaurus Rex?

7088310-3x2-700x467

This is a church in Taiwan. Apparently they designed it like a shoe in hopes to attract more female worshippers. However, I’m sure it’s bound to attract a lot more female tourists.

12. Okay, what the hell is that thing and does it eat people?

The-Auditorio-de-Tenerife-Spain

This the Tenerife Opera House in the Spanish Canary Islands. And no, it doesn’t seafaring humans for breakfast. You’re thinking about a different sea monster.

13. Okay, what’s this? Some upscale restaurant in Mos Eisley or Jabba the Hutt’s vacation home?

07a6f6feb57cb27e5b947138bf426501

This is called Le Corbusier’s Cité Radieuse. I think it’s supposed to be a house in France. Nevertheless, I think this kind of modern architecture seems to come straight from Tatooine.

14. In Dubai, it seems that the aliens have not built their own skyscraper.

1ada55b431a6d6f446c4aae2d9c2df1e

This is called the Rose Tower Hotel in Dubai, UAE. It’s supposed to be the tallest hotel in the world. But it sure ain’t the prettiest.

15. This building is called the Swan Bell Tower in Perth, Australia.

27943cabebc024fe0ee756dafe31412c

Okay, it’s a tower. But it looks nothing like a swan or a bell. In fact, I think a more appropriate name would be, “The Bobkin Tower” since it resembles the kind of instrument people used to stab accused witches with.

16. It’s only a matter of time until it’s all set for liftoff.

a04321c780a56fb6fc576458f25016ed

As my first specimen on Soviet architecture for this post, I bring you the Ostankino Tower in Moscow, erected in 1967. It’s the tallest freestanding structure in Europe. It’s a TV and Radio tower.

17. Don’t look now but I think these cars are about to be swallowed up by a concrete tornado.

6377bffb09878b30ae04106e2d291551

I’m sure the cars are safe. This is the Midrand Water Tower in South Africa. Not sure why it’s constructed like some concrete tornado or a spacecraft.

18. So I guess these are accommodations for Imperial Stormtroopers.

0d54fe3bd0d972ccc03662cad334dca6

This is the Balfron Tower, which was designed by the architect Erno Goldfinger who inspired the most famous Bond villain. Not surprisingly, Ian Fleming hated his guts.

19. So I guess this building has a giant black monster sitting on it.

c3b312c2a1480971d5937ea84c817387

My mistake, that’s the Pablo Serrano museum in Zaragoza, Spain. Still, I don’t know about you, but I’m increasingly worried about where Spain’s architecture is heading these days.

20. Seems like the apartment buildings in Whoville are getting weirder and weirder these days.

ac94b19cfdae5941d8b0b992c0d5b20e

Oh, wait, this one is in Tel Aviv. It might be a hotel or residence, many aren’t exactly sure. Still, from how I look at it, walking up its stairs must be a real pain in the neck.

21. Seems like this building is infested with fungus.

00fc5e7536c4bacafa2e1aac43ad043f

Wait a minute those are balconies? It’s in Grenoble, France. Still, I think this building would be way better off if those balconies were removed.

22. Wonder which sci-fi villain owns this building.

06897f77526da4bac69b4fa1eb878a8b

This is the Hotel President that’s in the Ivory Coast. It’s marketed as a luxury resort. But certainly doesn’t look like one. More like something from the Soviet Union.

23. Oh, no, someone’s blown up a building!

e4a14c23ed57583871ed01d884465978

Okay, this wasn’t bombed by terrorists. But it was designed by Frank Gehry. Not sure what’s worse or why the guy thought it was a good idea.

24. Now that’s a very bendy lighthouse.

f5fce2aa13f26a5f103e4aaf37e3873c

Not sure what this building is supposed to be. But if it’s a lighthouse, then it’s a rather ugly one at that.

25. Guess this place is a vacation home for a more rustic sci-fi villain.

92ee5a0d7f3e9716cd5604850e5f40e1

This is a vineyard building in La Guardia Spain. It’s called Bodegas Ysios. Kind of reminds me of a church and some Bond villain residence.

26. I think I found a place to land a spaceship.

519bc54b930d26c1ff79f86eacb96eb9

This is called the Namaste Hotel in India. But it resembles a spaceship coming from the ground nose up. And the crazy pattern just doesn’t help matters.

27. If Kylo Ren had a yacht, I think it would look like this.

f4f9d64cb0b2961a2f7cebe87e7aa857

Of course, it would be smaller than this. But hey, it’s just aesthetics. Still, this is a museum in Milwaukee. Not sure why some museums don’t seem to have great architectural taste.

28. Sometimes the design of a structure makes you wonder how people get through it.

d16370dc65950a4ff03375f00ca9f526

This building is called the Atomium. It’s in Brussels. It was built during the 1950s. Still, not sure how you navigate this thing inside.

29. Abandoned jewelry store, or a Mos Eisley cantina al fresco?

feaff5209773b63fec6ba7ea1d7a09ba

It’s actually a brutalistic water tower in France. So unlike some of the other buildings here, it has a better excuse to be ugly. After all, water towers are supposed to fire for function, not effect.

30. Now this building gives “Pottery Barn” a whole new meaning.

fvgt5lph4usrsfaqj4m4

Sorry, but this isn’t a Pottery Barn. It’s an art museum in the American West, I think. So the only place you can buy stuff is probably the souvenir shop.

31. For all you die hard Star Trek fans out there, I finally got a picture of Starfleet headquarters.

3eaf92044609dd0071b5bdba1f0b5b53

Sorry, Trekkies. Buildut this is the chapel for the United States Air Force. My mistake. Please forgive me.

32. This building in Doha, Qatar is known as the Tornado Tower.

f99539a4a3b027cbb3fdd05f7edb34d9

More like the “Finger Trap Tower” in my book. Seriously, does anyone in Qatar know what a tornado looks like? This isn’t it.

33. If President Snow had a vacation home, I bet it would resemble this.

Goetheanum_Dornach

Well, if President Snow’s vacation home would be in a poorer district with a lovely terrain. Perhaps Districts 6-8? Nevertheless, I think this might be a library in Germany.

34. Behold, I give you the world’s largest clam.

f5b9e390c6f6146290296c5a5dcd65a0

This is called the City of Arts and Sciences. According to Pinterest, it “is a unique complex devoted to scientific and cultural dissemination, including an interactive science museum, aquarium, planetarium, IMAX cinema and performing arts center.”

35. Wonder how many seconds to blastoff this rocket is.

d4efaa3115894d714053922d10d9720b

It’s a building in Japan. Not sure what it’s for. However, the design isn’t that bad. The color on the other hand…

36. When it comes to new additions, sometimes it doesn’t always work.

ugly-building-UK-2

Of course, this building in Britain would’ve turned much better if they had stuck with the original style. Don’t know what this building is used for. Jailing Bond villains?

37. I bet the inspiration for this building was the head of a Soviet style safety razor.

shri

Wait a minute, I don’t think this is a Soviet building. I think the words on this are written in English. Still, It’s a terribly eyesore of the brutalist structure. And it resembles a razor head.

38. Sometimes a church doesn’t always look very immaculate.

image0172

This seems to be the combination of a church and a 1950s diner. Doesn’t work well from an architectural aesthetic standpoint.

39. Let me guess, this building must be used to produce military weapons of some sort.

f46cdea589558fdca50504c13bec1cb0

Oh, wait, it’s the Nanohana-Kan Senior Center which is in Japan. Still, I don’t think a building design inspired by the Hindenburg disaster is a welcome place for old people. But that’s just me.

40. I call these buildings the plastic kettles from IKEA.

Top 10 ugly buildings around the world

These are buildings from Sheffield Hallam University in Sheffield, UK. But to me, they resemble the ugliest kettles you’d get from IKEA. Well, if they carry them.

41. If we add triangles on the roofs, this building will look much prettier.

venrich07

Sorry, but all I think the triangles will do for this building is make it look so silly that it’ll be the laughingstock of the block. Yeah, that looks pretty stupid.

42. If Salvador Dali made a living designing prisons, they would look like this.

56d477f2c557de7fc4a21aa27a3688a8

This is the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, which features modern art. It was designed by Frank Gehry. Nevertheless, it makes Alcatraz seem like a sunny place.

43. Guess this what a beehive looks when a beekeeper smokes some bees with cannabis.

c6cd8df268f38fe918f0cf8384464457

This is an art museum in Mexico. You think they’d design a place that doesn’t resemble a weird golden stump. But you were wrong.

44. I guess this is a temple dedicated to the all great and powerful Zod.

this-radio-building-in-bratislava-slovakia-took-16-years-to-build-mostly-because-its-basically-upside-down-1024x768

This was the Slovakia Radio Tower. It was built during the Soviet era and took 16 years to build since it’s upside down. But yeah, it resembles a sci-fi temple all right.

45. When it comes to windows, portholes are always the right choice.

2bac679c129fbf8a61948d97b9bc1583

Well, if those portholes are on a boat. If they’re on buildings, that’s just stupid. Nevertheless, this is the Hotel Topazz in Vienna.

46. If Kylo Ren built a shrine to Darth Vader, it would probably look like this.

in-st-petersburg-the-russian-state-scientific-center-for-robotics-and-technical-cybernetics-looks-a-bit-like-some-sort-of-satanist-temple-102

This is called the Russian State Scientific Center for Robotics and Technical Cybernetics. It’s in Saint Petersburg, And yes, it’s looks pretty evil all right and built during the Soviet era.

47. If you saw a building like this, you have to wonder whether the Soviets had an equivalent to Lincoln Logs.

georgia-tbilisi-highways-building-communist-1024x768

During the Soviet Era, this was the building for the Ministry of Highways. Today, it’s a commercial bank in Georgia. Yet, it almost seems photoshopped. It’s not.

48. Paper bags are certainly useful. However, it’s potential for artistic inspiration isn’t one of them.

ugliest-buildings-gehry-1-468x334

This is another Gehry disasterpiece. It’s a business school in Sydney, Australia. A woman from The Sydney Herald calls him the Kim Kardashian of contemporary architecture, all curves, no content. She has a point.

49. Oh, no, it’s a robotic space monster! Everyone, run for your lives!

745e6020-def9-4192-81ca-124f65d5c6e3-1020x680

My mistake, it’s the Linda Haiyu Plaza in Beijing, China. It’s said to resemble a fish. However, I think it looks like a large, maneating, robotic caterpillar.

50. Behold, I give you the world’s largest sinking donut.

20212297-f603-4525-bd4b-1bb8985bdc45-620x372

This is the Sheraton Hotel in Huzhou, China. It’s said to be based on the city’s ancient bridges. But I think the inspiration was something the architect ate at Dunkin’ Donuts.

51. I guess they call this place “The Island of the Spotted Shampoo Bottles.”

Phoenix-Island-resort-LED

These are hotels at Phoenix Island. It’s a luxury resort area in Sanya, China. Nevertheless, these skyscrapers are just hideous.

52. If you like buildings that resemble presents in ugly wrapping paper, then this one is for you.

scratch.media_

This is the Birmingham Library in the UK. Yes, it resembles some of the tackiest wrapping paper. But at least it has the books inside going for it.

53. I guess this is supposed to be a recreation center for the Galactic Empire.

architecture.com_

My mistake, this is the National Royal Theater in London. You’d think Britain would go for a more respectable looking theatrical venue design. But not during the 1970s.

54. This is called Mirador Building in Madrid, possibly inspired by Lego.

travel4teens.com_

From The Richest: “Whoever designed this seriously needs to reconsider their career path and whoever commissioned this design must have been briefly out of their minds! Did the team behind this have kids and just watched those kids play Lego? It appears to have been thrown together at the last minute to poke fun at the Spanish capital’s sky line.”

55. So I guess this must be the Galactic Empire’s maximum security prison.

trump-place

Oh, wait, this is Trump Place in New York City. Commissioned and funded by Mr. Orange Cotton Candy Hair himself. Nevertheless, this is one building I wouldn’t mind birds using as a toilet.

56. Surrealist prison or sci-fi villain office space?

100510-Morgado-282

This is the Cooper Union building in New York City. It’s an engineering school. Nevertheless, it’s said to be one of the city’s ugliest and it shows. Style would’ve worked better for a prison.

57. Oh, great, an oil refinery. What could be interesting about that?

10144518346_ee4e7afd44_o

Okay, this is just the University Hospital in Aachen, Germany. It’s the largest hospital in Europe that just happens to look like an oil refinery. Nevertheless, the exterior views can’t be good for the patients.

58. I guess the inspiration for this German building came from inside a car.

05a8a8d14acbf71fc2d7d4a6ef0dcb3f

This is the Bierpinsel in Berlin, Germany. It’s a restaurant and nightclub that was built in the 1970s and even had a disco. Nowadays, people put graffiti on it that doesn’t help its appearance.

59. Sometimes what looks good in Lego doesn’t hold up in real life.

7974325144_fe9430138c_b

This is the Edward R. Roybal Learning Center in Los Angeles. It’s the most expensive American school ever built at $377 million. Said to take 20 years to construct. Not sure if it’s worth it.

60. When it comes to vintage patterns, there’s a reason why some of them become real eyesores.

a97273_b4

This is the Kaden Tower of Louisville, Kentucky. It was built in 1966. Nevertheless, it would’ve looked better without the fancy windows. That’s just tacky.

61. Apparently, someone took, “upon this rock, I will build my church,” a bit too literally.

a97273_b10

From Oddee: “Built between 1968 and 1973 this building, The Pilgrimage Church in Neviges, Germany, made designer Gottfried Bohm a household name and the eyesore was considered his most important work, makes you wonder what the rest of his stuff looks like. “

62. When it comes to vacation homes, this would be perfect for Darth Vader.

mustafa-kanat-cami

This is the Mustafa Kanat Camii in Turkey. It’s called the Darth Vader mosque for obvious reasons. Said to be kitschy that it’s almost cute.

63. Sometimes luxurious hotels don’t always add glitz and glamour in some people’s minds.

ritz-carlton

This is the Ritz Carlton in Istanbul. Yes, it’s rather phallic looking and completely out of sync with its surroundings. For many this is considered the city’s ugliest building since it can’t be avoided from view.

64. I guess this is a space age weapons facility by the looks of it.

196d419cb1a7004db60474831a3df713

My bad, it’s actually the Nord Bank in Hannover, Germany. Nevertheless, why Germany seems to have so many ugly buildings these days, I have no idea.

65. Sometimes bright colors make a building look better. Sometimes worse.

wanda

This is a movie park in Wuhan in China. Nevertheless, it seems like a place where you’d find the minions of Despicable Me hanging out.

66. Run down greenhouse or high class slum?

651547551_94ea98507d_z

It’s actually called Pimlico Academy which is in London. It was built in 1970. Still, the first thing I’d do to this building is give it a paint job.

67. I guess this is minion headquarters.

CLfJZhUUAAAd2jf

My mistake, it’s the Hardenburg Town Hall in the Netherlands. Said to be the ugliest building in the country. And they’re not kidding.

68. Seems like this building has leaves of many different colors.

b104aae84e063a67ab0bae5069268089

This is Motison Tower. It’s a shopping mall in India. Kind of tacky but whatever is on the roof is bound to get people’s attentions.

69. Oh, shit, I think I just discovered the pink Monticello. And it’s hideous.

fsj2014jun_tifstggf_img01

This is the Nehru building in India which is used as a government office. Nevertheless, I think Nehru deserved better than having a building named after him that’s a Monticello of Pepto Bismol pink.

70. Let me guess, another ugly church, right?

archive_scmp_a94139

My mistake, it’s Hong Kong’s Cultural Center. Yes, it looks as if it’s made from cardboard boxes. But that’s beside the point.

71. From how I see it, this could be a Vegas hotel, Vegas casino, or a Vegas shopping mall.

scmp_14may01_fe_libra1

Sorry, but it’s really the Central Library of Hong Kong. It’s a mishmash of Post-Modern and Neoclassical styles. Or styles that should never be embodied in the same building ever.

72. I guess this is where the aliens dock and unload.

11441975

This is the MAC Niteroi which was built in the 1990s. Its a contemporary art museum in Rio de Janeiro. Makes me disappointed that you don’t see little green men coming out of it.

73. Oh, goodie, I think I just stumbled on NSA headquarters.

13081033

Oh, wait the NSA building in Washington doesn’t look like that. This is the PMTC Building which is in Fairfax, New Zealand. It’s a medical building to my surprise.

74. Oh, look, a cruise ship. Oh, wait a minute…

a-CRUISE-SHIP-HOTEL-640x468

This is actually the Sun Cruise Resort in South Korea. The cruise ship is really a hotel. But on the bright side, no chance of seasickness or sinking.

75. Behold, mortals will be vaporized by this building’s massive, unstoppable, death ray.

Parliament House, Canberra

Okay this is the Australian Parliament building in Canberra. Nevertheless, it can also look as if the building is being grabbed by a large divine claw machine.

76. Man, I didn’t know that Kylo Ren has such a luxurious vacation palace.

d6uedonfhweut4oq688a

Oh, wait this is Nicolae Ceaușescu’s People’s Palace in Romania. He was Romania’s mad totalitarian dictator who led one of the most brutal and repressive regimes of the Eastern Bloc. He basically starved his people who had to violently remove him. Luckily he was shot by firing squad.

77. Because artistic inspiration has to consist of a bunch of blocks inside a ball of chicken wire.

filename-south-korea

This is the Daejeon Museum of Art in South Korea. Yes, it kind of resembles tumbleweed and a mangled fence. But I didn’t design the thing.

78. Okay, what did I say? No pictures of junkyards. This is a bunch of pipes lying around.

201209040060_840_560

Okay, this is actually the Hefei Art Museum in China. Yes, I know it looks like a bunch of pipes piled together. But you’d be wrong.

79. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Fountain Pen Tower.

310360880366248084ca79f67fcaf666

This is the Aspire Tower in Doha, Qatar. But at night it lights up and resembles some modern looking fountain pen. Too bad it doesn’t have ink.

80. Is this a skyscraper pyramid or a gigantic vacuum?

6123

This is the Vitra Design Museum in Dakar, Senegal. Seems like one of those sci-fi villain lairs. Particularly the place Mr. Evil Overlord goes when his wife kicks him out of their palace.

In These Haunted United States – Part 5: South Dakota to Wyoming

So we’ve come to the end. Hope you had a good time reading these as I have had writing them. Now throughout the series, we’ve seen haunted houses, haunted hotels, hallowed battlefields, paranormal prisons, creepy mental asylums, and what have you. Of course, some of you might go for the ghostly legends that might make it hard for you to sleep at night. But if you’re like me, you’re probably reading this series on haunted places as an excuse to read something about history at around Halloween. Yes, ghost stories are interesting and some people might really believe them. But while I’m a churchgoing Catholic with politically liberal views, I’m not a believer in the paranormal such as the ghost and monster stuff. I’m not much of a fan of horror movies either, especially the recent slasher ones advertised on TV that seem to suck. But I do love history and I do like talking about places that have some sort of interesting past, ghost stories or not. And I know that a place’s reputation for being haunted might somehow lead to someone wanting to preserve it to attract tourist. Well, unless there’s an Amityville Horror situation involved where the residents want nothing to do with the publicity. Still, in this post, I bring you my final installment of haunted American places. These consist of a hotel in South Dakota owned by a guy you might know from Deadwood, a plantation house in Tennessee owned by a famous country singer, a famous fortress in Texas, a liberal arts college in Utah, a large state university in Vermont, a very old plantation house in Virginia, a hotel in Washington state, a former state penitentiary in West Virginia, an abandoned mansion in Wisconsin, and a former state prison in Wyoming. So for your reading pleasure, here is my last post in my haunted America series.

41. South Dakota

The Bullock Hotel is the oldest one in Deadwood, South Dakota. However, what's even more interesting about it is the man who owned it and is said to still haunt the place. If you're a fan of Deadwood, you might know something about Captain Seth Bullock.

The Bullock Hotel is the oldest one in Deadwood, South Dakota. However, what’s even more interesting about it is the man who owned it and is said to still haunt the place. If you’re a fan of Deadwood, you might know something about Captain Seth Bullock.

Most Haunted Place: Bullock Hotel in Deadwood

History: Opened 1895 by Captain Seth Bullock and it’s the oldest hotel in the city, which he built from a converted warehouse. This after a fire swept Deadwood the previous year and destroyed much of the town and the original 2 story building. Bought by the Ayres family in 1976 who converted it to a hardware store. However, in 1991, was sold to Bullock Properties who restored and converted the place back to a hotel as much as modern safety standards would allow.

Present Use: It’s still a hotel but it only has 28 of its original 63 rooms. However, it also has a casino and restaurant named Bully’s after Bullock’s friend Teddy Roosevelt. Still, unlike the original structure each room has it’s own bathroom. More expensive rooms are said to contain a Jacuzzi.

Sightings: Well, many have reported hearing voices, seeing apparitions and orbs, and being tapped.

Anyone Famous?: Well, Captain Seth Bullock himself  who was known in life as a lawman, marshal, frontiersman, store owner, horse breeder, hotel owner, and investor. He was also a Rough Rider during the Spanish American War. He’s actually said to do most of the haunting according to guests, workers, and employees. He’s mostly amiable and acts like he owns the place but is said to shatter plates and glasses when he’s displeased. Still, he actually died there of colon cancer by the way. Nevertheless, he and his wife Martha are best known as characters from the HBO show Deadwood.

Open to Tourists?: Yes. So if you’re a fan of ghosts and Deadwood, this is your ideal Halloween destination. Also hold ghost tours regularly.

Other Haunts: Alex Johnson Hotel, Mount Marty College, Northern State University, Pine Ridge Old Hospital, Sioux San Hospital, 1880 Hill City Train, Firesteel Coal Mines, Mount Rushmore Brewing Company, Isabel Post Office, Old Keystone Cemetery, Jackpot Bingo Hall, Rock Creek Day School

42. Tennessee

Loretta Lynn still owns this house as well as the town of Hurricane Mills. However, it's still said to be haunted by the ghost of the previous owners as well as Confederate soldiers and slaves.

Loretta Lynn still owns this house as well as the town of Hurricane Mills. However, it’s still said to be haunted by the ghost of the previous owners as well as Confederate soldiers and slaves.

Most Haunted Place: Loretta Lynn Plantation House in Hurricane Mills

History: Built in 1876 by James Anderson who also built the new mill in town. In 1966, Loretta Lynn and her husband Doolittle fell in love with the place where they not just bought the plantation, but also the entire town. Apparently, despite that she swears there were ghosts there, Lynn doesn’t seem to mind so much.

Present Use: The plantation house is more of a museum than anything. Lynn now lives in the house she built behind it, realizing that it would be better used for tourism.

Sightings: It’s said to be haunted by the original owner, a woman in white, as well as ghosts of Confederate soldiers and slaves.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Hurricane Mills itself, Bell Witch Cave, Carnton Mansion, Hales Bar Dam, Isaac Franklin Plantation, Gatlinburg Mysterious Mansion, Orpheum Theatre, Sheraton Read Hotel, Tennessee State Prison, Woodruff-Fontaine House, Chickamauga Battlefield, Stones River Battlefield, Ryman Auditorium, East Tennessee University, Tennessee State Capitol, Rotherwood Mansion

43. Texas

The Alamo is a symbol of Texas as well as the site of the famous battle fought there. However, I'm not sure if you'll find the ghosts of Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie, or William Travis. Didn't really look that up.

The Alamo is a symbol of Texas as well as the site of the famous battle fought there. However, I’m not sure if you’ll find the ghosts of Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie, or William Travis there. Didn’t really look that up.

Most Haunted Place: The Alamo in San Antonio

History: Built in 1744 as the Mission San Antonio de Valero which functioned as a Roman Catholic mission to convert and acculturate Native Americans. But in 1793, the mission was secularized and abandoned. A decade later, it became a military fortress with its unit giving the place its present name. During the Texas Revolution, Mexican General Martin Perfecto de Cos surrendered the fort to the Texian Army in December 1835, following the Siege of Bexar. A small number of Texian soldiers occupied the place for months but were soundly defeated at the Battle of the Alamo in March of 1836. When the Mexican Army retreated from Texas, they tore down many of the Alamo’s walls and burned some its buildings. For subsequent years, the Alamo buildings would be used as a fortress for soldiers, a quarter master’s depot, and even a wholesale grocery store. Thanks to the efforts of the Daughters of the Republic of Texas, particularly Adina Emilia de Zavala and Clara Driscoll, the place was restored.

Present Use: It’s now a UNESCO World Heritage Site, a National Park, and a symbol of Texas. Receives over 4 million visitors each year.

Sightings: Site is reportedly haunted by the people who died there defending the place. Many claimed to have seen apparitions either coming straight through walls or walking along the roof.

Anyone Famous?: Good luck trying to find ghosts of Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie, and William Travis.

Open to Tourists?: Yes. In fact, it’s a huge tourist destination. And they do give ghost tours.

Other Haunts: Devil’s Backbone, Jefferson Davis Hospital in Houston, Houston Zoo, Miss Molly’s Bed and Breakfast, Presidio La Bahia, Catfish Plantation Restaurant, The Grove in Jefferson, Littlefield House, University of Texas in Brownsville, Baker Hotel, Haunted Hill House, La Carafe, Spaghetti Warehouse, Jefferson Hotel, Hotel Galvez, Granbury Opera House, Emily Morgan Hotel, Bragg Road, Elder Street Artist Lofts, Driskill Hotel, White Sanitarium

44. Utah

Originally built by Protestant missionaries to convert the Mormon children, Salt Lake City's Westminster College has been trying to shed its religious past. But it's said to have 7 known ghosts.

Originally built by Protestant missionaries to convert the Mormon children, Salt Lake City’s Westminster College has been trying to shed its religious past. But it’s said to have 7 known ghosts.

Most Haunted Place: Westminster College in Salt Lake City

History: A private liberal arts college established in 1875 and the only accredited one in Utah. Built at a time when Protestants flocked to Utah in order to try converting Mormons so they built private and secondary schools where they offered free tuition. Westminster belonged to the Presbyterian Church until the school officially severed its denominational ties in 1974 and it’s no longer antagonistic to the state’s Mormon establishment. Its campus is known for its natural beauty and elegant architecture. Its mascot is the griffin and its colors are blue and gold. Notable alumni include Olympic skier Maddie Bowman.

Present Use: It’s still a liberal arts college and one of the few in the Intermountain West with no denomination.

Sightings: Said to be haunted by at least 7 known ghosts, spread out over several buildings as well as known for appearing at random, making odd noises, and sometimes touching passersby.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: I think it might. You might want to check.

Other Haunts: American Fork Canyon, Clearfield Job Corps Center, Gray Cliff Lodge Restaurant, Kiwanis Park, Roy High School, Voo Doo Caves of Beaver Dam, Forest Farm House at Old Deseret, McCune Mansion, Dove Creek Camp, Southern Utah University, Latuda, Winter Quarters Mine

45. Vermont

The University of Vermont is one of the oldest American public colleges and alma mater to a lot of celebrities including a First Lady. It's also had a colorful history and is said to be a haunt of a lot of ghosts.

The University of Vermont is one of the oldest American public colleges and alma mater to a lot of celebrities including a First Lady. It’s also had a colorful history and is said to be a haunt of a lot of ghosts. Don’t mention the racist winter celebrations though.

Most Haunted Place: University of Vermont in Burlington

History: Established in 1791 and became the state’s sole land grant university in 1862, it’s one of the first public colleges in the country as well as one of the first to admit women and African Americans. However, this didn’t stop them from using the Kakewalk and blackface in their winter celebrations, which was abolished in 1969. They also have a naked bike run at the end of the year. Its mascot is the Catamounts in NCAA Div. I sports. It’s also said to have one of the most selective medical schools in the country. Its first edifice was destroyed by a fire in 1824 and the citizens paid for a replacement with the Marquis de Lafayette laying the cornerstone on what’s now “Old Mill.” In 1924, it held the first radio broadcast in the state. Also has a long history of environmental sustainability. Notable alumni include attorney Consuelo Northup Bailey (first female lawyer to practice before the U.S. Supreme Court), Boston Red Sox pitcher Ray Collins, First Lady Grace Coolidge, philosopher and educator John Dewey, Phish bass player Mike Gordon, Phish guitarist Trey Anastasio, Olympic gold medalist Albert Gutterson, serial killer H. H. Holmes, doctor and American Legion founder Horatio Nelson Jackson, Pulitzer Prize winning author E. Annie Proulx, New York Times co-founder Henry Jarvis Raymond, author and cook Jessica Seinfeld (or Mrs. Jerry Seinfeld), 3-time Stanley Cup champion Patrick Sharp, Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Jody Williams and missionary Samuel Worcester.

Present Use: It’s still a public university to this day.

Sightings: Events reported are poltergeist activity, apparitions, voices, and windows and doors slamming.

Anyone Famous?: No, but there’s a hall named after Grace Coolidge which is said to have few ghosts in it.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Averill Stand Bed and Breakfast, Bennington College, Carbur’s Restaurant, Gold Brook Covered Bridge, White House Inn, Hayden House, Lake Bomoseen, Brattleboro Retreat Tower, Green Mountain Inn, Golden Stage Inn, Shelburne Museum

46. Virginia

Since its establishment, the Ferry Plantation House has been on property that's served as a plantation, courthouse, school, and post office. Was a place of a famous witch trial in 1703 which is honored each year.

Since its establishment, the Ferry Plantation House has been on property that’s served as a plantation, courthouse, school, and post office. Was a place of a famous witch trial in 1703 which is honored each year.

Most Haunted Place: Ferry Plantation House in Virginia Beach

History: Got its name from the ferry service that ran through the Lynnhaven waterway. Current house built in 1830 by slaves of George and Elizabeth McIntosh as well as on a property that’s been used as a plantation, courthouse, school, and post office. It’s said that a woman named Grace Sherwood “the Witch of Pungo” was tried by ducking there in 1703 and it’s now commemorated with a festival in her honor. She was the last person in Virginia to be convicted of witchcraft (but she didn’t die until 1740) All the bricks were from the ruins of the previous mansion built there which was burned two years earlier.

Present Use: It’s now a museum and educational center. It even has a history summer camp to educate youth about 18th and 19th century life.

Sightings: It’s reported to contain no less than 11 spirits reputed to be former owners, children, slaves, people who drowned, and other lost souls. It’s also reported that the lights go on during the night while unoccupied and strange balls of light are seen dancing on the roof.

Anyone Famous?: Artist and General Thomas H. Williamson is said to haunt while wearing a dirty shirt. Alleged witch Grace Sherwood is also said to haunt the premises.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Aquia Church, Ball’s Bluff, Bremo Recess, Manassas National Battlefield, Monticello, Rosewell, Swannanoa Palace, Fort Magruder Hotel, Staunton Train Depot, Paxton Manor, Salubria Manor, Boxwood Inn Bed and Breakfast, Cold Harbor Battlefield, Major Graham’s Mansion, Historic Avenel, Weems-Botts Museum, Historic Jordan Springs, Henricus Historical Park, Exchange Hotel Civil War Hospital Museum, St. Albans Sanatorium

47. Washington

Port Townsend's Palace Hotel is said to house an Egyptian theater, Northern Pacific offices, a grocery store, a state liquor store, a florist shop, and several restaurants. But it's said that its haunted activity stems from it being used as a brothel.

Port Townsend’s Palace Hotel is said to house an Egyptian theater, Northern Pacific offices, a grocery store, a state liquor store, a florist shop, and several restaurants. But it’s said that its haunted activity stems from it being used as a brothel.

Most Haunted Place: The Palace Hotel in Port Townsend

History: Constructed in 1889 by retired sea captain Henry L. Tibbals. Over the years it housed an Egyptian theater, the Northern Pacific offices, a grocery store, a state liquor store, a florist shop, and several restaurants. Its current shape was achieved between 1925 and 1933 and it was operated as a brothel and hotel at the time. Has 19 rooms and suites, each bearing the names of one of the prostitutes who occupied the hotel during Prohibition. It was restored and renovated in 1977-1984.

Present Use: It’s still being used as a hotel but all the rooms have private bathrooms though. First floor is home to a restaurant and bar.

Sightings: Several female apparitions have been reported, some believed to be prostitutes. People also report being touched and having their things moved. Other spirits include a priest, a boy, an Indian woman, and a housekeeper.

Anyone Famous?: Well, Captain Tibbals himself who was one of the area’s most colorful residents. Notable exploits include carrying cargo of railroad iron across the Isthmus of Panama and testing the first US diving bell, using it to retrieve $68,000 of silver from a sunken Spanish frigate in the Gulf of Mexico. Also built Union Wharf in the city as well as served as sheriff, postmaster, and county commissioner.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Cascade Job Corp, Butterworth Building, Manresa Castle, Montgomery House Bed and Breakfast, Point Defiance Park, Starvation Heights Sanitarium, Black Diamond Cemetery, Tacoma Old City Hall, Oxford Saloon, Spokane Campbell House, Hotel de Haro, Mount Baker Theater, Lewis County Historical Museum, University Heights, Rucker Mansion, Meeker Mansion, Tokeland Hotel, Northern State Mental Hospital

48. West Virginia

The  Old West Virginia State Penitentiary was one of the most violent in the country, mostly due to overcrowding. Said to experience a lot of riots and 36 murders. Famously featured in both book and movie The Night of the Hunter.

The Old West Virginia State Penitentiary was one of the most violent in the country, mostly due to overcrowding. Said to experience a lot of riots and 36 murders. Famously featured in both book and movie The Night of the Hunter.

Most Haunted Place: West Virginia State Penitentiary in Moundsville

History: Prison that operated from 1876-1995. Original state penitentiary in West Virginia (since it used to be part of Virginia before it split from the state to join the Union in 1863). The place was built by convicts and it was said to be virtually self-sufficient and said to save state taxpayers $14,000 a year. While conditions were good around the turn of the century, they would later worsen during the years that it would be among the most violent prisons in the country. One of the more infamous locations was the recreation room known as, “The Sugar Shack” which experienced incidences of gambling, fighting, and raping. It’s said that a total of 36 homicides took place in its walls as well as 94 executions from 1899-1959 either by hanging or the electric chair. A noteworthy incident involved an inmate being butchered by 3 prisoners with dull shivs for snitching. Played a key role in Dave Grubb’s book (and better known movie) The Night of the Hunter. Had a peak population of 2000 in the 1960s but it had problems with overcrowding and small cells. Saw a mass escape in 1979 and a riot in 1986. After it closed its doors, the Moundsville Economic Development Council obtained a 25 year lease on the complex. Notable prisoners are Socialist Party Leader Eugene V. Debs.

Present Use: It’s now maintained as a tourist attraction and training facility for law enforcement and corrections practitioners. Is also used as a film location.

Sightings: It’s one of the most haunted prisons in the US with ghost stories originating as early as the 1930s. Legends include the prison occupying the site of a Native American graveyard and former guards seeing phantom prisoners and a “shadowman” wandering the premises as well as unexplained noises, voices, and cold spots.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: Yes, even has a Halloween “Dungeon of Horrors.” They also have tours.

Other Haunts: Blennerhassett Hotel, Booth House at Harpers Ferry, Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum, Lake Shawnee, Camden Park, Darkish Knob, Grave Creek Indian Burial Mound, Morgantown, Historic Harpers Ferry

49. Wisconsin

Summerwind is a mysterious place believed to have been built in the early 20th century as a fishing lodge. Said to be notoriously haunted from the time it was owned by Robert Lamont. However, most of the place was destroyed by a lightning fire in 1988. Only the foundation and chimney remain.

Summerwind is a mysterious place believed to have been built in the early 20th century as a fishing lodge. Said to be notoriously haunted from the time it was owned by Robert Lamont. However, most of the place was destroyed by a lightning fire in 1988. Only the foundation and chimney remain.

Most Haunted Place: Summerwind Mansion in West Bay Lake

History: According to popular legend, this place was built in the early 20th century. Originally used as a fishing lodge, it was bought in 1916 by a guy named Robert Lamont who renovated it into his summer home. Said to be haunted right from the time he moved in because it’s reported that he and his family left in the 1930s (though this was about the time that Lamont was appointed Secretary of Commerce under Herbert Hoover). Another set of owners in the 1970s are said to leave after a few months because the hauntings drove them insane. In 1988, it was struck by lightning and burned to the ground, leaving only the foundation and chimney.

Present Use: Currently none and it’s considered private land. Might be rebuilt into a bed and breakfast someday.

Sightings: It’s been reportedly haunted for years. Lamont is reported to shoot a ghost with a pistol twice and sent it back to the cellar. When the Hinshaws lived there in the 1970s, renovators reported electrical problems, disappearing tools, and windows opening and closing by themselves. In the 1980s, it’s reported that people saw furniture appearing at random, room dimensions suddenly changing, and even dark shadows in full view.

Anyone Famous?: According to Raymond Bober, the house might be haunted by the ghost of 18th century British explorer Jonathan Carver. He basically explored and mapped much of the Midwest areas but he also thought he discovered the Northwest Passage. He didn’t. However, Bober said that Carver was searching the place for a deed sealed in the foundation that gave him rights to a third of Wisconsin.

Open to Tourists?: No, but there might be plans to restore and reopen the place as a bed and breakfast.

Other Haunts: The Rave/Eagles Club, Modjeska Youth Theater Company, Rinehart Theater, Saint Killian’s Catholic Cemetery, Scott Mansion, Pfister Hotel, Nelsen’s Hall, Elk Lake Dam, Appleton Riverside Cemetery, Brumder Mansion, Bloody Bride Bridge, Bodega Brew Pub, Plainfield Cemetery, Siren Bridge, Boy Scout Lane, Oshkosh Grand Opera House, Marquette University, Ripon Witch Road, Dartford Cemetery, Ripon College, Hotel Hell

50. Wyoming