Warning: This song is a sung by a walking spoiler from the series. So if you haven’t read the books or see the movies up to Mockingjay Part 1, you might want to not read this post.

Now President Alma Coin is the leader of District 13, which specializes in graphite, nuclear power, and weapons before the Dark Days war. However, before the Hunger Games this place was a major center of rebellion that managed to take control of a nuclear arsenal. It was supposedly bombed and destroyed before the first annual Hunger Games. But in the last book, it’s confirmed that District 13 just moved underground as a military state with residents living in bunkers with a subterranean livestock and vegetable farms to help them survive when the Capitol destroyed everything above ground. Also, the Capitol and District 13 agreed to leave each other alone under the doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction because the latter had more nukes. And the Capitol basically spread the story of District 13’s destruction. However, when you get into Mockingjay, it’s revealed that District 13 is the center of the new rebellion but the residents lead very regimented lives having to wear gray uniforms, sleep in identical living quarters, follow a personalized schedule each day, food rations, and being trained for the military once you hit 14. So, yes, life there basically sucks.

Now for a parody song pertaining to Alma Coin, I went with “King Herod’s Song” that’s also from Jesus Christ Superstar. The original is about King Herod Antipas telling Jesus to demonstrate his divinity in front of him to so he can bail him out of a crucifixion. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the memo that Jesus’s divinity doesn’t work that way. And the great Jesus Christ keeps silent neither admitting nor denying whether he’s God, the Messiah, or has any penchant for miracles. But in the Hunger Games version of the song, I have Alma Coin virtually requesting Katniss Everdeen to help recruit rebels from the other districts as the “Mockingjay” which is the rebellion’s poster child.

 

“President Alma Coin’s Song”

Sung by President Alma Coin of District 13

 

Katniss Everdeen, nice to meet you face to face.

You’ve been getting quite a name all around the place.

Defy the Capitol and win the Hunger Games

We might just have a job for you

For our movement just the same.

So, you are the Jay, you’re the great Mockingjay

Do some propos with us please: be our mascot in our scheme.

Help districts rebel, tell Snow go to hell.

Just be the Mockingjay please.

Katniss, you just won’t believe the hit you’ve made around here.

You are all we talk about, the wonder of the year.

Oh what a pity if you don’t comply.

Still, I’m sure that you can rock the cynics if you tried.

So, you are the Jay, you’re the great Mockingjay.

Prove to me that you’re no fool; wear this outfit and we’re cool.

If you do that for me, then I’ll let you go free.

Just be the Mockingjay please.

I only ask things I’d ask any superstar.

What is it that you have got that puts you where you are.

I am waiting, yes I’m a captive fan.

Be the revolutionary symbol that it takes to free Panem.

So, if you are the Jay, yes the great Mockingjay

Tell Snow that he’s good as dead.

You can do it on your head.

Or has something gone wrong? Why do you take so long?

Just be the Mockingjay please.

Hey! Will you work with me, Kat?

Show Snow where it’s at?

Give me a list of your demands.

Yes, we’ll save your victor friends.

Is that all okay?

I’ll let you kill Snow if you say…

C’mon, be the Mocking-

Come be the Mockingjay,

Oh, just be the Mockingjay Please!

C’mon, Katniss,

The rebellion needs you,

Please join us in District 13.

Of course, a franchise usually has to have a good villain. And in The Hunger Games, the resident baddie is none other than President Coriolanus Snow who’s the autocratic ruler of the Capitol and all of Panem. At first, you might find him a seemingly laid-back, polite gentleman saying all the right words. But his demeanor hides a sadistic and psychopathic mind. So don’t be surprised if he’s smiling politely and engaging in friendly conversation before he makes a remark or threat reminding you of the evil lurking underneath. He wasn’t directly responsible for initially organizing the Hunger Games (they had been held years before he took power), but he uses the Games to show the Districts who’s boss just the same. Still, Snow serves as the prime mover behind all the horrific events that happen within the story. Murder is basically his go-to solution to virtually every problem that he needs a compelling reason not to have someone killed. And he has secret cameras everywhere, much to everyone’s discomfort. Oh, and he reeks of blood and roses. Nevertheless, despite that he had a huge role in the first movie, he doesn’t appear much in the first book other than giving the official welcome for the 74th Hunger Games and crowning Katniss and Peeta as its winners. But he doesn’t have a key scene until Catching Fire when he meets Katniss face-to-face (more on that later). However, since the first movie needed scenes beyond Katniss’s perspective, expanding his role was necessary.

As for a good parody song for him, I went with “Heaven on Their Minds” which is the intro song from the Andrew Lloyd Weber Broadway musical, Jesus Christ Superstar. It’s sung by Judas Iscariot whose betrayal of Jesus for 30 pieces of silver leads to our Lord and Savior’s arrest and crucifixion. However, in Jesus Christ Superstar, he’s basically a star of the show. Yes, Judas betrayed his friend which is very bad, but his vileness has been heavily debated among scholars, theologians, and authors for centuries. Now as a Hunger Games parody, I have set it at about the beginning of Catching Fire when Fascist Santa Claus visits Katniss’s house and first meets her face-to-face. At this point he’s absolutely pissed that she and Peeta were allowed to survive the Hunger Games, as their act of defiance (like preferring a joint suicide to one killing the other) has ignited rebellion in several Districts. However, Snow knows that despite being well aware that Katniss and Peeta’s relationship is a ruse (at least on paper), he lets it continue to avoid further rebellion because killing her would make her a martyr. So he tells her that convince the Districts that she’s just a love-crazed teenager during the Victory Tour who had no intention to defy the Capitol whatsoever or he will have Gale and her family killed.

 

“Revolution on Their Minds”

Sung by President Coriolanus Snow

 

My mind is clearer now

At last all too well

I can see where you all soon will be

If you strip away

The myth from the maid

You will see where you all soon will be

 

Katniss! I’m not sure to believe

The things they say of you

Can you really say

Your love for Peeta’s true?

Cause I saw you in the woods

Kissing another man

Did you defy the Capitol

With those berries in your hands?

 

Listen, Katniss I don’t like what I see

All I ask is that you listen to me

And remember, my threats are never empty all along

You have set Panem on fire

But please, don’t be a new Messiah

Or your family’s sure to not last long

 

I remember when this whole thing began

Just a volunteer taking her own sister’s stand

And believe me, my admiration for you hasn’t died

But everything you do today

Gets reported round some other way

And I’ll kill your loved ones if you’ve lied

 

District 12’s most famous gal

Should have stayed a great unknown

Like her father mining coal

Would’ve made good

Pick axes and dynamite

Would have suited Katniss right

She’d have caused nobody harm, no one alarm

 

Listen Katniss, do I make myself clear?

Play your part and you’ve nothing to fear

And convince me, your pact with Peeta was of a lovestruck teen

Several districts have rebelled

And they all know you far too well

But I’ll crush you if you go too far, if you go, go too far

 

Listen, Katniss to the warning I give

Please remember that I want you to live

But it’s harder not to martyr you with every hour

Signs of defiance you will find

Revolution on their minds

So don’t anger me or you will fall

And you don’t want to fall

As you might be aware, The Hunger Games isn’t about a lot of nice stuff since it pertains to a dystopian society in which their biggest annual televised event pertains to children fighting to the death. Normally such gloomy material usually doesn’t translate well into a  light weight musical. But it doesn’t seem to stop some fans on Youtube from trying. Not to mention, there are plenty of musicals that don’t deal with nice stuff like Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, Jesus Christ Superstar, and others. And before we had musicals, we had opera with lyrics containing about as much sex and violence as gangster rap. Nevertheless, I thought it would be a good idea to have fun with the Hunger Games through the art of musical parody. After all, fans tend to do such stuff all the time as I’ve seen online whether it be Star Wars, Harry Potter, Dr. Who, Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, Breaking Bad, and other franchises. Not to mention, parody tends to be a sincerest form of flattery.

Note: These songs are parodies. And no, I don’t have permission. But screw them since I think it’s funny. But feel free to make videos of these if you wish, but for God’s sake just give me credit. Some of the lyrics might not be original since I usually copy and paste them before I add my own additions. And I sometimes leave them in if I think it might go well with the song. Nevertheless, the songs chronology won’t be conforming to the sequence of events in the books.

Now this number is set in the first book when Katniss and Peeta first arrive to the Capitol as tributes for the 74th Hunger Games. I thought an appropriate song for this part would be a Hunger Games spoof of “Be Our Guest.” Of course, it’s a pretty upbeat song. But still, you have to understand that Belle is being held hostage in a castle with a ferocious Beast everyone wants her to date as well as his singing inanimate object staff. All because the staff don’t want to stay inanimate objects forever and the Beast needs a girlfriend for that to happen (and they’re running our of time). And since the Beast can’t venture out of the castle without being chased by a mob of torches and pitchforks, kidnapping a village girl (or her dad) might be the only option available. Still, it’s not nearly as bad as being a teenager whisked away from home to the Capitol and being forced to fight to the death on national television. But Effie Trinket and many in the Capitol seem to have rather sunny dispositions about it since Capitol residents see the Hunger Games as a form entertainment like a reality show with a very sick premise.

 

“Be Our Guest” (Hunger Games Edition)

 

[Effie Trinket:]

Mr. Mellark and Ms. Everdeen

It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure

That we welcome you tonight.

And now, we invite you to relax,

Let us pull up a chair

As the Capitol proudly presents –

Your quarters!

 

Be… our… guest!

 

Be our guest!

Please don’t be so depressed

It’s an honor to be a tribute

For our teenage slaughter fest

 

Try the pig

It’s divine

Why, you’re only here to fight

Make the most of

Two weeks training.

So you won’t be

Felled by maiming.

 

Here’s your stylists

They’ll be fast

After all, Katniss, you need waxed!

And Cinna’s outfits are never second best!

 

Come in and welcome tributes

Settle in and then you’ll

Be our guest

Be our guest

Be our guest!

 

[Effie Trinket and Capitol Chorus:]

Here’s your rooms,

Enjoy your stay,

Before you’ll soon be forced to slay

[Effie Trinket:]

Be prepared and dressed with flair

For the televised parade!

 

You’re alone

And you’re scared

But the arena’s all prepared

No one’s gloomy or complaining

While the murder’s entertaining

 

Wow the crowds,

Show your skills!

Meet your peers and future kills

[Capitol Chorus:]

And it’s all in perfect taste

That you can bet

 

Come on and lift your glass

Before you’ll have to kiss your ass

To be our guest

[Effie Trinket:]

Don’t be stressed

For the teen carnival of death!

[Effie Trinket and Capitol Chorus:]

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

 

[Haymitch Abernathy:]

Life is so unnerving

For a victor’s who’s mentoring

Two more tributes without a chance to take upon

Since sixteen, I’ve taught Twelve’s tributes

And now all those kids I’ve trained are gone

 

Twenty-three years I’ve been drinking

Forced to teach tributes who’ve been stinking

Before they’re in the arena and promptly killed!

Most days I just lay about in liquor

Flabby, fat and lazy

You walked in, and I’ve gone crazy!

 

[Cinna:]

It’s a guest!

It’s a guest!

Sakes alive, well I’ll be blessed!

Clothes designed and thank the Lord

I’ve had the fabrics freshly pressed

 

District 12

Coal country

And my dear that’s fine with me

While the tributes do their training

I’ll be stitching, I’ll be sewing

 

Make them black

Make them hot

Heaven’s sakes! Is that a spot?

Clean it up!

We want the Capitol impressed

 

[Prep Team:]

We’ve got a lot to do!

[Cinna:]

Is it Size 8 or 2?

For you, our guests!

[Prep Team:]

They’re our guests!

[Effie Trinket:]

That is mahogany!

[Prep Team:]

They’re our guests!

 

[Capitol Chorus:]

Be our guest

Be our guest

Our command is Snow’s request

You’ve been reaped to entertain us

At our televised blood fest.

 

Give us drama

Give us gore

And happy Hunger Games by the score

Give us violence that we’ll savor

And may the odds

Be ever in your favor!

 

[Effie Trinket and Capitol Chorus:]

Corpse by corpse!

One by one!

Till there’s twenty-three fallen done

Then we’ll crown the sole survivor our next champ

 

Soon it’s to the arena

And we’ll hope to see ya

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Please, be our guest!