Vintage Food Ads in the Days of Yesteryear (Second Edition)

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Along with alcohol, food is also among the many promoted items during the holiday season. After all, in the United States, Thanksgiving and Christmas are often marked with large feasts among families as well as parties among friends. And you can see this among the incessant holiday advertising on TV which seem to come earlier and earlier with each year. Then again, you find food ads everywhere these days since well, people have to eat in order to live. Yes, the food may not always be good for you or appealing. But hey, what do you know? Nevertheless, you find plenty of vintage food ads on the internet. Some of them might be artistic masterpieces like this Chat Noir above (which is a bistro restaurant in France). Some not so much for various reasons. Some might seem suggestive. Some might feature recipes not fit for human consumption. Some might contain rather misleading information. And some might consist of artwork that somehow pass as creepy. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of vintage food advertising for your unique tastes.

  1. Kids who eat their veggies might want a Jolly Green Giant rag doll.

Not sure what’s freakier, the girl’s terrifying expression or the 4ft green doll. Let’s just say a kid can do without one of these.

2. Pesci Vivi sells delectable fish.

Though seeing a fish chef cooking fish is kind of unsettling. Look I know fish eat other fish, but still.

3. Children always delight in eating Fig Newtons.

“Thanks, Mom, that’s what I need after a long day at school and drowning puppies in the nearby lake. You’re the best.”

4. Big Otis wants kids to eat Kellogg’s OKs.

Sure he may be a big burly Scotsman. But I’m sure Kellogg’s pulled him as a cereal spokesman once kids asked what he wore under his kilt.

5. With Bisquick, you can make your family this elegant tuna ring.

Sorry, but this dish looks really disgusting. And no, I really don’t want to eat it.

6. Meet your own Frankie Doodle Dandy with Swift’s Premium Franks.

By the way, Frankie Doodle Dandy is what some men named Frank call their penis. Okay, I made that up. But I couldn’t pass that one up.

7. Always eat Possum Sweet Potatoes.

Hate to break it, but possums are disgusting creatures. Seeing a few run over by cars, you’d agree with me.

8. No kid could resist Brach’s toffee.

First of all, Brach’s candy is terrible. Second, I bet the girl’s taking some candy that she’ll spike with poison to give to her friends.

9. Husbands always love anything with Heinz Ketchup on it.

Because Heinz Ketchup makes anything appetizing. Even corned beef, poached eggs, and hash browns.

10. Turn vegetables into a treat with Cheez Whiz.

By the way, it’s probably not real cheese. And it will not do wonders to your veggies nutritional value either.

11. Fry’s Chocolate always tastes so good.

But regardless of expression, that kid terrifies me. And I don’t think chocolate will calm him either.

12. Make your breakfast kid friendly with Wheatabix.

Also fine for snacks and supper, too. Though I hope the girl is sprinkling a spoonful of sugar, instead of arsenic. Though looking at her face, I wouldn’t know. Boy’s kind of creepy, too.

13. Campbell’s beef soup makes a manly dish.

Hearty it may be, but it’s hardly good for your arteries due to a high sodium content. Because Campbell’s Mmmm…mmm…salt.

14. With Pillsbury’s flower, you can make yourself a wagon wheel pie.

Think of it as your mother’s chicken pot pie. But more disgusting and unhealthy.

15. Firestix always lasts 23 minutes and costs 10 cents.

Though she’s supposed to be a wholesome kid. But she always takes her Firestix before going on a killing spree.

16. Don’t want to cook dinner, ladies? Take the family to KFC.

Apparently, Colonel Sanders is incredibly sexist. Thus, he calls his coronary inducing cuisine, “wife-savers.”

17. With Carnation Evaporated Milk, you can make delectable dinners like this.

You have to wonder whether people actually eat stuff like this back in the day. Because that’s a dish that will make you lose your appetite.

18. Sure it may not be very nutritious, but Rastus wants you to try Cream of Wheat.

I can see the racism on this ad as clear as day, especially in the text. But at least you have to admire the guy’s honesty. People will buy anything that’s good to eat and cheap.

19. “Sugar can be the willpower you need to undereat.”

Uh, I wouldn’t say that. But I guarantee too much of it can give you Type 2 Diabetes. Seriously, you might not want to eat ice cream before lunch.

20. As an assistant vice president, it’s your job to make the pudding.

Apparently, Jello doesn’t think women can understand office hierarchies. Also, the sexism is very plain to see.

21. “You don’t have to be Jewish to love Levy’s.”

Sure it may not be incredibly racist. But it’s still pretty bad on certain levels.

22. Always go for the Big Patch vegetables.

However, it seems that this kid’s family only works the farm. And his parents are paid wages so low they can’t afford to buy him a new pair of pants.

23. Ladies, buying canned food shouldn’t be shameful.

Still, canned foods aren’t very good for you since they’re preserved in a salty brine. But even that doesn’t detract the sexism in this ad.

24. With these canned foods, you can always diet with delight.

Not sure about that. But the girl in the can is really freaking me out. She seems like the stuff of nightmares for some reason.

25. Sugar Crips is post marked for happy eating.

Okay, the acrobatic bears might be weird. But I really have a bad feeling about that creepy girl looking at them. They better put on a good show or she’ll make sure they’ll never see the light of day again.

26. Hires’ Rootbeer is so good even the dogs will love it.

But that baby doesn’t seem too happy about that. Of course, hope Sparky enjoys his drink because that baby may have murder on the mind.

27. With Armour Treet, you can make these Johnny cake shortcakes.

I can see the heart attacks these shortcakes can cause. Also, they seem rather unappetizing to me.

28. Nothing keeps you warm like Cadbury’s Cocoa.

But once he’s done, he’ll get right back to torturing the neighbor’s cat. Because that’s what psycho kids do for fun.

29. As Art Linkletter noted, the Jolly Green Giant is a big man with the ladies.

Because women love a large green man who promotes vegetables wearing shoes and a short leaf dress. But at least he doesn’t have rage issues like the Incredible Hulk.

30. It’s always red magic time with Heinz Ketchup.

Oh, no, not the scary tomato guy! Please, take him away before he kills anyone!

31. You can’t have old-fashioned gingerbread without Brer Rabbit Molasses.

I’m sure they got the name Brer Rabbit for molasses from the tar baby story. Want to what happened to Brer Rabbit when he put his hands on one?

32. This Indian brave brings you Dippy Canoes.

Because cultural appropriation knows no bounds. Said to taste like Indian corn. Seriously, this guy’s a culture, not an advertising prop for God’s sake.

33. “Remember your first Baby Ruth?”

She may look excited to eat the candy. But mainly because she took it from the neighbor boy she previously threw down a well.

34. You can’t be beat with St. Louis corned beef.

Yet, having the cows with can bodies and walking upright is just freaky. Seriously, who the hell thought this was a good idea?

35. “Okay, pardner…reach for the Karo!”

For one, this half-naked baby cowboy is just lame. But he’s just as terrifying enough to induce nightmares.

36. Handle your hungry man with a can of Campbell’s soup.

Because nothing says manly eating like eating a soup with a high salt content. Campbells, mmmm….salt.

37. “Good things happen…when the lady of the house has soup for lunch.”

For if she doesn’t have her chicken noodle, she will chase you all over the neighborhood wielding a large cleaver. Because with Campbell’s it’s mmm…salt.

38. Trix is always made for kids.

“Mommy, after I eat my Trix, can I borrow your handgun to hunt down that silly rabbit? He’s been lurking in our yard for ages.”

39. Children will enjoy Stokley’s sugar peas.

For sugar peas always go well with the neighbor’s liver and onions. And I don’t mean the animal kind either.

40. Kids always want Log Cabin maple syrup.

Just watch theses kids look at the syrup on their waffles. Though they’d much prefer their breakfast to have blood of the innocents. But cannibalism is illegal.

41. With G. Washington’s Instant Coffee, even a man can make the perfect cup in 5 seconds.

As if men didn’t know how to make a cup of coffee in the 1950s. I’m sure they did and this ad is very sexist.

42. Treat your man right with Batchelor’s foods.

Yet, calling the guy a “guest husband” just wracks my head. Would a better word be “boyfriend?”

43. With Campell’s mushroom soup, you can make some tuna and waffles.

After all, when you’ve smoked pot all day, you’ll need something to satisfy the munchies. For God’s sake, waffles should only be for breakfast.

44. “Promise you’ll taste the nifty new Ritz!”

Because if you don’t, she’ll take you to her torture dungeon and hold you over a fiery it by your ankles. If you think I’m crazy, ask those who live to tell the tale.

45. Be vital and vigorous with Morrell E-Z Serve liver loaf.

Because nothing makes a family happy like liver. You know the kind of meat everyone ingests like foul tasting cold medicine.

46. Make it a festive party with Libby’s Juice Jamboree.

Though serving juice on a kid’s hat may not be good idea. Basically it’s an accident waiting to happen.

47. Kids dig Welch’s Cocoanut bar.

It’s basically a coconut chocolate bar which is disgusting. Still, if it keeps those kiddies from killing you, it might be worth buying.

48. Hire’s Rootbeer is the great health drink.

Yet, this little one will chase the cat with a knife once he’s done. So you might want to get Friskies in a safe place while you still can.

49. Men always love a raisin pudding pie.

Though he might have to be a sick psycho like this guy. Because raisins are turds made to resemble chocolate chips but aren’t.

50. If your husband yawns at the table, treat him to Heinz tomato soup.

Since when is yawning at the table a problem? Chances are the guy’s just tired after a long, stressful day at work. Not everything a guy does has to do with his wife’s actions.

51. California vegetables are always the aristocrats of the crop.

Because nothing says high class like a villain from a Dickens novel with a monocle and slasher smile. Seriously, I’m wondering if California vegetables used the face of Jack the Ripper in their ad campaigns.

52. You can’t make cakes without Dr. Price’s vanilla extract.

Though if you don’t give the maid her pay raise, she will spike this cake with rat poison. Just ask the last guy she worked for. Oh, wait you can’t.

53. With Might Dog, your pooch always receives the best.

Though Spot always takes his food seriously. Though he thinks wearing a chef’s hat and bib makes him look like a complete idiot.

54. “Are you woman enough to buy a man’s mustard?”

Now that’s a really stupid question. Seriously, why should that even matter? Mustard is mustard.

55. Pastificio S. Bonetti is oozing with prime pasta.

Look, I understand how Italians love their pasta. But I didn’t know they’d love it so much to be caught with it in a compromising position.

56. Kids will always enjoy Van Camp’s pork and beans.

Well, assuming your child is a budding psychokiller. I’m sure little Bobby will go back with setting the cat on fire after he’s done.

57. “Sugar keeps your energy up and your appetite down.”

Sorry, but sugar doesn’t help you lose weight. In fact, it might contribute to obesity, heart disease, and Type II diabetes.

58. Snag a man with Underwood deviled ham sandwiches.

Seriously? The sandwich case? Sorry, but a man can make his own damn sandwich. This is sexist on so many levels.

59. Whitman’s chocolates make a fine Mother’s Day gift.

From Relish: “This advertiser knew exactly how to distinguish Whitman’s chocolates: market the product as a gift your wife will give right back to you.” Bet the guy will get the ones the wife doesn’t like.

60. Get your kids to eat veggies with this Jolly Green Giant foot rug.

From Relish: “Are your kids eating their vegetables? If not, try giving them one of these fuzzy, green foot rugs to make them crave veggies! This unique attempt to make green beans and corn more fun is appreciated, but it is unlikely that a furry rug of a foot will make anything appetizing.”

61. “Nothing says party like a Sara Lee cake!”

From Relish: “Sara Lee knows what’s up—who needs friends when you have chocolate cake? Her face says it all: ‘I’m not going out because I have cake, and lots of it.’ Add sweatpants and Netflix and the party is complete.”

62. Go to the beach with your own Campbell’s can bag.

From Relish: “Nothing about hot Campbell’s soup makes us think about the beach, but that didn’t stop Campbell’s from turning their product into a portable beach bag.” Then again, the ocean is full of salt. And so is Campbell’s soup. Mmmm salt.

63. Velveeta is a full of health from milk.

From Relish: “Let’s get one thing straight—just because a product is made with a beneficial ingredient, does not make it healthy. Velveeta tries its best to be convincing here, but we’re not buying it.”

64. McDonald’s takes care of 55% of your daily protein needs.

However, that doesn’t means a McDonald’s meal is necessarily good for you. Because it isn’t.

65. Even babies enjoy Nestle’s condensed milk.

Because you don’t want to see this little one when she’s angry. Otherwise, she will make you pay with your life.

66. “Wouldn’t I be silly to make it myself?”

Well, considering that Campbell’s soups have high salt contents, then no. Still, I think the woman seems to have murder on the mind.

67. Someone wants another glass of Hires’ Rootbeer.

Don’t look now but I’m sure that baby might prefer to drink the blood of the innocents. But he’ll settle for rootbeer.

68. After the game, boys always relish in the joy of good eating with Van Camp’s pork and beans.

“I whacked the pitcher real good with my bat. He screamed like a little girl as I bludgeoned the living crap out of him. Never had so much fun in my life.”

69. Miss Sunbeam wants you to have some Sunbeam bread.

Because if you don’t, she’ll go into your house and murder you and your family. Sure she may look innocent. But she’s a murderous psychopath who will bring you a slow and painful death.

70. Always use Arm and Hammer baking soda on your delectable treats.

And yet, this one features a scary clown. Best to skip this frightening circus unless you’re into Stephen King. Because the clown could easily murder you.

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Vintage Spirits Advertising of Yesterday (Second Edition)

Alcohol Ads of the 1900s (1)

Disclaimer: This post is not for those under the legal age of 21. Those over 21 please drink responsibly. Thank you. Okay I was just kidding with that one.

Whether you’re getting ready to celebrate the holidays, are trying to cope with the Trump administration, or have a beer with your friends during a big game, chances are you’re probably familiar with alcoholic drinks. Back in the day, our ancestors had somewhat different attitudes to booze depending on what kind of people they were. On one hand, you have temperance people who saw alcohol as terrible since it ruined families and the like. But on the other hand, you have people where alcohol is so integral to their culture that they see no problem with kids drinking beer. Or monks brewing beer in German monasteries like they did at Saint Vincent College. Anyway, it shouldn’t be any surprise why the major beer labels in America are German and from the Midwest. However, though Germans have a high value on beer, it’s not the only alcoholic beverage they drink since we also have German wines such Champagne and Zinfindel. Anyway, many of these vintage ads might echo rather antiquated ideas about our society nor have aged well at any stretch. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another installment of booze ads from yesteryear.

  1. For bowling night, you’d always strike with Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Sure it might seem like a harmless bowling scene. Until you see that everyone in this has blue ribbon appendages. Then it’s just creepy.

2. Budweiser always gives you good times.

Now here’s a rather racist ad. Sure the black guy’s is supposed to be depicted as an eager servant. But looking at his imposing face he appears quite menacing. So I wouldn’t drink any of that beer if I were you.

3. Flirt Vodka can be quite appealing.

Though looking at her bruised knees, I don’t think this ad conveys a good message. Let’s hope she just had a party mishap.

4. Have a merry cherry with Kijafa, a Danish cherry wine.

Yet, the word “cherry” has an R-rated connotation that I can’t really discuss. But notice how that woman has mistletoe in her hand.

5. “‘Sweet’ on whiskey sours? Make your next drink Green River.”

But how he has such humongous hands is another matter. Seriously, they’re like totally out of proportion to his body.

6. Without Schlitz, you can’t have beer.

However, looking at the clown’s eyes, I suggest you give him some Schlitz now. Otherwise, he’ll get angry and kidnap your children.

7. Schlitz: the preeminent beer for clowns.

Sure this clown might be happy now. But once the booze wears off, he won’t be funny in the moonlight.

8. Wolfschmidt Genuine Vodka is in the spirit of the Czar.

Sure vodka is associated with Russia. But Wolfschmidt seems kind of Germanic to me. Then again, Catherine the Great was a German aristocrat and plenty of czars had German ancestry. So it oddly fits.

9. Schlitz, the beer of choice for American cowboys.

Yet, Schlitz is the beer for male bonding after a long day at the ranch. Still, the bottom scene seems kind of like Brokeback Mountain to me.

10. On the slopes, grab a cold Heiney.

Yet, I’m not sure about those Heineken snow suits. One of the women looks kind of embarrassed that people would see her and think she resembles a can.

11. Bacardi Rum is what they serve in Hell.

Still, if you see this guy behind the glasses, you might want to take a drink. For he already seems disappointed in you. Might not want to anger him even further.

12. Anisetta Evangelisti is the perfect liquor for dessert. Just ask this chimp.

However, despite that people think chimps are funny and loveable, they can be quite nasty. Also, why the hell would you want a chimp drink booze?

13. Even King Kong drinks Miller beer.

Though it wouldn’t help him climb the Empire State Building. Or avoid airplanes. Now that I think of it, how could King Kong even grab a beer? That makes no sense.

14. Bacardi is the rum of America’s favorite cocktails.

But would you want a drink with this guy? Sure he might be okay, but the pervy stache doesn’t help matters.

15. Everyone’s calling it on Early Times whiskey.

How old are these baseball players supposed to be? Because I find it hard to think they’re 21 or over.

16. Gordon’s Gin contains medicinal properties.

Actually, Gordon’s or not, gin is the worst thing for your liver. Let’s just say taking it as medicine isn’t the smartest idea.

17. For real morning after relief, drink a Pluto highball.

So this ad states, if you want to relieve a hangover, drink more booze in the morning. Because chances are you’re probably an alcoholic at this point.

18. The secret to a great holiday party is lots of mistletoe and Seagram’s Extra Dry.

So basically, you can’t have a great Christmas party without tons of boozy sex. Not what I’d call drinking responsibly.

19. Pabst beer prepares for the joys of motherhood.

Actually, if you’re pregnant, you better stay away from the booze, especially during the first trimester. Because it puts the developing baby at risk for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

20. With a Heineken, even your beer gives you a beer.

Well, this is hard to explain. Someone must’ve been under the influence to come up with this.

21. O-fl Extract Malt always builds people up.

Look, I know kids are cute and cuteness sells. But putting a child next to a bottle of booze isn’t appropriate. Seriously, there’s a reason why the drinking age is 21.

22. Ballantine beer is the preeminent drink for those in horse costumes.

It’s one thing to put a weird horse in your ad. But knowing this horse consists of two guys in a costume is rather disturbing. Seriously, just pick either humans or animals.

23. Nothing makes a riverside picnic like Schlitz beer.

I don’t think the guy trying Schlitz isn’t glowing about the beer in this one. Seems like there’s more going on here.

24. Want to please your man, ladies? Serve him Budweiser.

Because it’s said Budweiser delights more husbands than any beer ever known. Also, his Inner Man craves booze.

25. Dare to be different with Suntory Royal Whiskey.

Though whether it means you should do Kabuki theater, is another question entirely. Yes, it looks badass but it’s part of Japanese culture. Yet, couldn’t they just come up with some other image?

26. Anhauser-Busch’s Malt Nutrine is the preeminent beer for nursing mothers.

Yes, this was back when they considered beer as a health food. But today, these beer companies would never cater their product to nursing moms.

27. Even mounted goats enjoy the taste of Schaefer’s Bock beer.

Let’s just say Dr. Seuss was young and needed the money. But compared to some of his political cartoons, this isn’t too bad.

28. As a velveted whiskey, Imperial is so much fun!

Okay, we all know that polar bears and penguins don’t coexist. But unlike the Coca Cola ads, this provides of good illustration on what a polar bear and penguin co-existence would be like. And so far, it doesn’t look good for the penguin.

29. E.T. likes to remind you to not drink and drive. “Phone home” instead.

Yet, having E.T. work at the bar really ruins your childhood. I mean could you imagine him telling drunks to “phone home” if they had too many? Also, couldn’t Coors use the cast of Cheers instead? At least that show’s about a bar.

30. You can’t beat the mellow taste of Ten High whiskey.

Is it just me or is this woman unnaturally tan? The guy kind of looks rather unsettling, too.

31. A Four Roses Gimlet is 4 parts vodka and 1 part elegance.

However, this woman in here doesn’t seem like she’s really enjoying herself. In fact, she seems like she wants to go home while her significant other doesn’t.

32. Always drink Cossack Vodka for the office party.

I guess this woman is a bit tipsy since she notes how she didn’t recognize Mr. Smithers’ green eyes. Also, what the hell is she wearing? That doesn’t look like office wear to me.

33. “How about a little Schenley, Ruth?”

Ruth, get the hell out of there! The guy doesn’t just want a drink with you. The description here just makes me cringe.

34. “I’d ride a mile for a Smirnoff martini.”

Maybe, but what’s that got to do with a camel in the middle of the road? Besides, couldn’t just drive or ride a bus? Or walk?

35. The Smirnoff Mule is the drink that is.

But if I was that young woman, I’d be wary around Woody Allen. Because we all know he’s a real creep.

36. “He loves my mind. And he drinks Johnny Walker.”

Really? What makes him drinking Johnny Walker so important to you? Other than getting paid for just saying that?

37. Never go on a boat ride without Cinzano.

So is this diver rescuing this woman from a rowboat? Since she seems rather tied up. Then again, that might explain why the two guys are lying on the beach. Still, forget the booze. I want what the woman’s laundry detergent. Seriously, how does she keep her dress so clean?

38. Pernod is perfect for any pool party.

After all, Thing needs a vacation from the Addams Family once in awhile. So let him poor some booze on that woman if he wants to.

39. Champagne de la Jarretiere always brings people together.

Still, I wouldn’t want an old man grabbing at my garter. Sure he might have money, but still..

40. There’s nothing like Quina Marra.

However, I’m not sure why this woman’s having a drink with Mr. Pervo here. Unless she’s planning on getting him to pass out before she clears the premises.

41. You can’t go wrong with Rhum of the Incas.

First, Incas didn’t ride horses. Second, that looks more like a contestant from RuPaul’s Drag Race than anything from a Pre-Columbian culture in South America.

42. It’s always cheery with a Cherry Rocher Liqueur.

Though I’d wonder why this woman’s in a bird costume on a tree. Then again, nobody would be sober in her situation.

43. No man could resist the taste of Birra-Metzger-Torino.

You’d almost think this woman wants the guy she’s with die from liver cirrhosis. Cause from how he’s drinking, he’s most likely not driving the carriage that night.

44. Even great men like Teddy Roosevelt and Abe Lincoln approve of Johnny Walker.

From The Fix: “The hundred-foot visages of Roosevelt and Lincoln on Mount Rushmore—both of them paragons of virtue and wisdom—seem to be telekinetically talking to one another about a President whose face will soon be joining them. Whose face will be carved into the mountain is less important than the fact that they approve of the fact that he drinks Johnny Walker. The ad somehow manages to reduce the enormity of their legacy to something far smaller and silly. “

45. “Whatever you’ve got going…keep it going with J&B.”

Perhaps The Fix might explain this one better: “You can airbrush the 70s, but you can’t airbrush out the era’s creepy overtones. Half of this ad is dedicated to hands cupping what we have to assume is a mistress’s face. At first glance, it’s a fairly simple, innocent image. That’s before you start to peel back the crazy layers of control and illicitness going on. And J&B implores you to be part of every extramarital affair. No judgment. J&B doesn’t care what you do or who you do it with. It just wants to be there.”

46. Guys, always bring some White Horse Whiskey when going to a bachelorette pad.

Because nothing turns on boozy bachelorettes like “good guy” bringing White Horse Whiskey. Then again, perhaps flowers would be more appropriate? Or why not bring a couple of friends with you?

47. Enjoy the great taste of G.A. Jourde Bordeaux.

I’m sure there are plenty of people who feel this way when they drink. Though that doesn’t mean they’ll frolic around grapes.

48. Cordial Topaze is so great, this clown bought in bulk.

Because he’s every bit a creepy clown and an alcoholic. And he feels no shame about it.

49. Old French aristocrats always keep their Champagne stock in check in the middle of the night.

Then again, going down to your wine cellar at night might not be a good thing. Then again, he probably has a lot of parties going on.

50. This waitress always serves Braustube Hurlimann beer.

Looking at her, she knows that serving booze to customers gives her good tips. So the more drunk her customers are the better.

51. Squeeze all you can out of life with Seagram’s.

However, the man here’s worried he might eventually fade into a scene with scuba divers. So he’s not very pleased.

52. You need not be a slave to fashion with Smirnoff.

Though if you wear outfits like these, they might think you’re dressed for a Star Trek convention. Seriously, those have tacky 1960s all over them.

53. Smirnoff sour always has lemons and all that jazz.

Yet, why do they have black and white figures having a better time than the figures on the beach is beyond me. Kind of disturbs me for some reason.

54. Old Hickory Bourbon is simply magnificent.

So when the time is right, you can have a drink with your sweetheart before doing the nasty. From the woman’s eyes, and her pantyhose around his neck, you can guess where this is going.

55. Is it proper to boodle under the mistletoe or before guests arrive?

Guess it depends if you mean drinking Boodles Gin. Though it could just as easily mean sex. Either way, it depends on the party and I’ll leave it at that.

56. A Smirnoff Horse Shot is all you need at a ski lodge.

Still, they don’t just seem like cleaning skis to me. Might want to clear out before this goes any further.

57. A Bitter Pastore Milano is always a treat.

Guy kind of seems like he’s whispering something to the woman. Woman’s listening but would rather be somewhere else right now.

58. Drink a Smirnoff Hot Adam’s Apple while decorating for the holidays.

Though you’d pretty much have to be drunk to dress up that penguin. Then again, it might be a present they’re wrapping and not sure how.

59. Maker’s Mark always has a great body, compared to some guy’s girlfriend.

Talk about a blatantly sexist ad. Seriously, we shouldn’t be comparing women’s bodies to booze.

60. Enjoy the difference with Schlitz.

Though if I was on a date and a guy made that face while serving drinks, I’d get the hell out of there. A night with him could culminate into “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”

61. Working hard in the garage? Pour some Budweiser.

Though I don’t think tools and booze make a good mix. Perhaps that might have to do with how alcohol inhibits mind body coordination. Or something else.

62. Carioca Rum makes every drink sing.

Yet, the guy on the bongos has a crazed look on his face suggesting he’s high. Hope he doesn’t go to close to the fire.

63. It’s always Scotch time with Johnny Walker.

But a guy dressed from the 1800s strutting in front of a bunch of guys in suit, that’s another question. Why they’re not fazed by it, I have no idea.

64. Wolfschmidt’s great for drinking while underwater.

As to why anyone would drink alcohol while scuba diving is beyond me. Seriously, I don’t even think that’s safe.

65. The green demon always goes for Maurin.

Yes, it’s a demonic character with a bottle of booze. And it will give you nightmares.

66. Smirnoff vodka always makes a great gift.

Yet, why have a woman covered in gift wrap just baffles me. Seriously why?

67. They’re always serving Paul Jones.

Okay, this is racist from the get-go and the white guys’ outfits don’t really help matters. Because though it might evoke a plantation setting, we all know who consisted of their labor force. And it’s why plantation weddings don’t have a great reputation.

68. You’ll always get the goats with Iron City Bock Beer.

Sure the goat might seem creepy as hell. So you really don’t want this one to but in while under the influence.

69. For pleasant moments, drink PM whiskey during the game.

After all, why should you worry about these leatherheads getting traumatic brain injuries? Seriously, you think today’s players have concussions? Also, you don’t drink whisky during a game. You drink beer.

70. Even Charles Dickens drank J&B Whiskey.

You know the guy who wrote A Christmas Carol and A Tale of Two Cities? Nevertheless, despite being a literary prowess, he’d desert his family for an 18 year old actress and was a dick to his wife.

Scary and Eerily Affordable DIY Halloween Costume Inspirations (Third Edition)

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As a presenter in this year’s Prestigious Film Awards, I present the award for Best Picture. So will it be the Movie Critics Love But Viewers Don’t, The Hit Indie That Should Win But Won’t, The Really Good Film Everyone Likes But Won’t Win, Some Expensive Period Piece That Your Mom Likes, Mediocre Fluff Everyone Seems to Like But You, The Indie Film Nobody Watched, Some War Movie Your Dad Likes, The Artistic Movie Nobody Gets, and Some Expensive Period Piece with Awesome Costumes.

Sure I know I’m a bit late doing a DIY Costume post for this year. But I had a long time trying to decide a costume for myself before settling with Award show presenter. And you can see how I mocked the shit of that construct since I’ve spent some years dissatisfied over Oscar Best Picture Winners. Nevertheless, while buying a Halloween costume at a store might be a quick solution if you need something ready made, the choices might not provide what you have in mind. Particularly if the women’s costumes mostly consist of what a stripper would wear. Though making your own costume might be quite time consuming, but you can always get creative. After all, if you can use stuff at home, the possibilities are endless. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of costumes people have made themselves for Halloween.

  1. A wrap sandwich makes a perfect first Halloween costume for a small baby.

Apparently, this contains bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Like the baby’s little mustache, too.

2. Give a boy a skirt, spear, and cape, and he’ll be ready to join his legion.

Well, at least he’s not a Spartan from 300. On the other hand, Roman soldiers and gladiators didn’t wear T-shirts.

3. The Green Bay Packers have taken the field.

And this boy dressed as the field. Guess he thought wearing a jersey as his favorite player was done to death.

4. Don’t really see how he pull out that rabbit.

Then again, it’s a couple’s costume idea of magician and rabbit. Though at least the woman didn’t dress up as the lovely assistant who gets sawed in half.

5. “So what should I steal today?”

She’s dressed as Carmen San Diego. Sure she may steal the world’s treasures but she taught a generation geography.

6. I’m sure you’ll get a real Hawaiian Punch here.

You see, she’s a hula dancer. He’s a boxer. So that’s how you get Hawaiian Punch. Okay, it’s a pun.

7. You can always recognize Bjork by her swan costume.

Though the Icelandic singer wears all kinds of outlandish outfits. But the swan costume defines her.

8. Seems like this little guy takes eliminating critters seriously.

Actually this is a costume set of an exterminator and a mouse. But you have to like the trap on the wagon.

9. Apparently, it rains wherever this kid goes.

This little girl is a rain cloud. Let’s hope she doesn’t have a thunderstorm this Halloween.

10. This little lady wants you to keep in shape.

Guess she’s supposed to be an aerobics instructor from the 1980s. Also has a little cardboard boom box she uses as a basket.

11. If you loved the 1960s, you might enjoy Sonny and Cher.

Sure they might love each other now. But keep in mind that Sonny wasn’t a very nice guy. And that Cher had a very good reason for dumping his ass.

12. These two seem to be getting on in their golden years.

Okay, they’re not senior citizens. But at least they have a costume you can do within minutes.

13. I don’t think these two are compatible.

If you understand, he’s the 1% who get all the money. She’s the 99% who’s not happy about it.

14. This little girl knows she’s a freaking ray of sunshine.

As you can see, she’s Little Miss Sunshine. Because she has a sun crown and a sun on her dress.

15. Viking families always stay together.

Also they didn’t wear horned helmets. And I guess the baby’s a small dragon.

16. If you like Clash of the Titans, you might want to dress up as Perseus and Medusa.

Unfortunately he’ll be absolutely petrified if he takes a look at her. And if he doesn’t, she’ll lose her head he’ll later use as a weapon.

17. These ladies aren’t shy about cheap wine.

They’re all dressed up as box of wine. Because let’s just say expensive bottled wine is overrated.

18. If you love Twin Peaks, you have to check out this mother and baby costume.

This is the log lady who’s one of the better known characters from that show. And yes, that baby is a log.

19. “I’ll be Bach.”

As in Johann Sebastian Bach, the famous 17th-18th century composer. Or is he supposed to be Sir Isaac Newton who discovered the basic laws of physics? Either way, you have to love the wig made from toilet rolls.

20. Is it somebody’s birthday today?

Well, she’s a 3 tier birthday cake. She’s doused in pink icing with sprinkles all over.

21. How about a nice bubble bath?

She even has a rubber duckie and a shower cap. Also, the bubbles mostly consist of cotton balls.

22. She’s certainly as pretty as a peacock.

Though to be fair, peacocks are guys in the animal world. Nevertheless, love the feather train.

23. Bob Ross debuts his latest masterpiece.

As you see, she’s a picture of a happy little tree. Still, Bob Ross has been dead since the 1990s.

24. This boy is a born Deere.

Well, at least he’s wearing plaid and overalls. Still, love the green thresher.

25. “Steph, you’re the next contestant on The Price Is Right.”

I guess she’ll definitely get that new dinette set. Still, this is a pretty easy costume to do.

26. Hide your pooch when she comes to town.

Still, this is a very convincing Cruella de Vil costume. But if you have 4 legs and a tail, she’ll give you nightmares.

27. For some reason, chicks seem to take to him.

He’s supposed to be a chick magnet. Get it? I mean he has a magnet with chicks on it.

28. Where would kids be without Ms. Frizzle and the Magic School Bus?

This is a couple’s costume. Still, Ms. Frizzle may want her kids to learn science. But safety isn’t her highest priority.

29. You’d almost think this boy was made out of plastic.

If he was smaller, you’d think he’s a real plastic army guy. Wonder how he moves around though.

30. Why play with Play Doh when you can be Play Doh?

And it seems these two won a costume contest. Simple to make yet effective.

31. Check out this iPhone 6.

And yes, he has all the apps. Sure he may not be the latest model. But you’d buy him anyway.

32. Robbing a bank is as easy as taking candy from a baby.

Okay, robbing a bank isn’t easy. But this daddy and baby costume will just steal your heart.

33. You’d certainly flee from this little Jigsaw.

He’s from the popular Saw horror movie franchise. He may be a toddler but he’s menacing on his tricycle.

34. Someone must’ve been through strong winds.

Relax, it’s just a costume. But you have to admire this guy’s windy effort.

35. I’m sure she’s got a pretty head you’d want to mount on your wall.

I know some might see it poor taste. But you have to admire her creativity.

36. Not sure if this little guy is ready for a six pack yet.

This is a mother and baby Jersey Shore. Mother is supposed to be Snookie. Boy is meant to be the Situation, I think.

37. Care for some Pilsbury toaster strudel?

This kid’s dressed in lederhozen. And all for a school Halloween parade.

38. Do you remember the Sony Walkman?

And I suppose his costume is made out of cardboard. Like the headphones though.

39. Ellen Ripley’s had it with chest bursting aliens.

You can guess this is a parent and child costume. And yes, the baby is Ellen Ripley from Alien.

40. If you can’t be 007, how about the next best thing?

Yes, he’s a James Bond Nintendo game. Can you get more awesome than that?

41. In a few decades, we’ll laugh at this awkward picture.

You know Awkward Family Photos? This woman is dressed like one and includes the background.

42. Remember Chat Roulette? Apparently, this guy does.

And you can see why it didn’t catch on. Because men on there often exposed themselves.

43. Not sure if you’d call this girl a happy little tree.

She’s even covered with leaves from her head to her shirt. But at least she’s not decked like Stanford’s mascot.

44. Want to enjoy a jolly holiday with Mary?

Here’s Mary Poppins and Bert. If you love proper singing and penguins waiting on you, these are perfect.

45. “Run, Forrest, run!”

He’s supposed to be Forrest Gump when he’s running around the country. Even has the mud smiley face on his shirt.

46. Firefox embraces the world.

Yes, she’s a web browser. Used to use it but don’t anymore since 2015.

47. Want to hear your fortune?

Very convincing costume if you ask me. But I’m sure you won’t see much insight in her crystal ball.

48. Instead of hastagging your Halloween costume, why not dress as one?

At one point, you wouldn’t see much of her. Now she’s everywhere on the Internet.

49. You’d swear it’s raining cats and dogs.

In her case, you can say literally. Like the plushies on her umbrella.

50. If you have problems with aliens, call these guys.

This one just requires a black suit and tie. And you can customize.

51. You wouldn’t believe what this mime has to tell you.

Though you wouldn’t know since mimes are silent. But watch him feel a wall out of thin air.

52. Many might view her a priceless work of art.

She’s a Monet by the way. And no, she’s not cheap in the least.

53. You’d almost say “oh, dear” or “holy cow” with these two.

These two are pun costumes. Deer can’t do much. But the cow has a halo and wings.

54. On Halloween, this pooch is basically Thanksgiving dinner.

Yes, this retriever’s dressed as roast turkey. Not sure why but I’m not sure if I’d want pet owners getting ideas.

55. This Rosie the Riveter could get the job done.

You’ve seen the WWII poster to call women to work in the factories. Today, Rosie’s a feminist icon.

56. Hope she can put on a show for you.

Though she doesn’t resemble any showgirl from Las Vegas. Still, this is a rather creative costume.

57. You’d find it impossible to leave her part of the universe.

She’s basically the solar system. Those styrofoam balls are the planets and the sun. She has the moon on her headband.

58. Does this taco dog come in a hot or soft shell?

Yes, this another dog costume of food. Though the filling and shell sure suit it find.

59. Here is a self-portrait of a true artist.

This kid is a self-portrait of Vincent Van Gogh. Hope he makes an impression on you.

60. Any kid will feel welcome at camp with these two counselors.

Seems these camp counselor costumes don’t require much. Just shorts, shirt, clipboard, sneakers, and headbands.

61. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Smores.

Parents are graham crackers. Kids are chocolate and marshmallow. Wagon is the fire.

62. Someone wants to take this grouch.

Sure it’s Oscar and the garbage person isn’t a character on Sesame Street. But this is adorable.

63. You’d be impressed by these jellyfish.

These two might look graceful. But their stings will hurt like hell and possibly kill you.

64. “Hello, this is Jake from State Farm.”

And he’s wearing khakis. Nevertheless, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

65. Bet you’ve never seen a whip or nae nae like this before.

One is whipped cream. The other is a horse since it neighs. Yes, I know it’s crazy but this couple’s costume is hilarious.

66. Bet you want some of her for the movies.

She’s movie popcorn by the way. And yes, she’s probably more expensive than the regular stuff.

67. Here Steve Irwin goes hunting for crocodiles.

Sad to see that Steve Irwin’s no longer with us thanks to a sting ray. But this is a fitting tribute.

68. Anyone would want this little gnome for their garden.

He even has a fake beard and hat. Got to love his little outfit. So cute.

69. You’d almost think he’s not quite put together.

Not sure how this works. But you have to like how it seems his legs are detached from his chest.

70. He may be small but he’s filled with infinite wisdom.

This baby’s dressed as the Dalai Lama. Funny, how the real guy wasn’t much older when he became the Dalai Lama back in the 1930s.

71. Seems like this big game hunter has quite a collection.

Normally I abhor trophy hunting. But this costume idea is simply spectacular.

72. “In an old house in Paris that was covered in vines…”

The redhead one is Madeline by the way. Also, one of them might be a guy.

73. Kids in the 1980s might want to dress up as these Care Bears.

Some of them have their own Care Bear plushies with them. Still, these are fairly easy to do whether you’re by yourself or with a group.

74. Nothing will ever scare this crow.

He just wants to fly, eat dead animals, and avoid cars. Like the beak.

75. The hunter always goes out of his way to catch his deer.

He’s clad in camo. She has ears and a fur vest. But we all know this doesn’t end well.

76. Every guy ogles at the alluring Jessica Rabbit.

She may be pretty. But she prefers men with long ears and a fluffy tail.

77. If you’re Hindu, try this Kali costume on for size.

Not sure if it’s offensive. But if you can pull off a costume involving multiple pairs of appendages, that’s impressive.

78. Who can be scared of this little werewolf?

Okay, she might be quite fierce. But she’s so adorable, she’s scary.

79. With these ladies, each can fit inside the other.

Okay, maybe not. But since they’re dressed as Russian nesting dolls, they all seem the same.

80. Want anything from these 1950s waitresses?

Of course, they must have a lot of energy to serve people. Got to love the neck scarves.

81. Apparently, it’s laundry day here.

The kids are washing machines and baskets. The moms are detergent. Not sure about the old lady.

82. You’ll find a rainbow spectrum with these M&Ms.

Except rainbow M&Ms don’t really exist. But these are great.

83. Hope you can get alone with this cupcake.

She’s covered with white icing and sprinkles. And she’s wearing a cherry on top.

84. Nobody can resist this little Mr. Peanut.

You have the baby Planter’s Peanut mascot right here. Kind of wish they added his little monocle. But that’s okay.

85. You might want to keep away from the poop factory.

That’s pretty clever even if it’s slightly denigrating on the dog. Nonetheless, it’s a hit.

86. These two kids are going into the deep blue sea.

You can use bottles for the oxygen tanks. But instead of sea treasure, they’ll just bring back candy from trick or treating.

87. For those who fall and can’t get up, it’s Life Alert to the rescue.

Because nothing will get the ambulance to your home like Life Alert. Though this is only a demonstration.

88. Sometimes you just need a tag for the whole thing.

Now this dog is a beanie baby. You see, simple as that.

89. Seems like we have a cereal killer on the loose.

He goes everywhere stabbing cereals all over the place. Stop the carnage.

90. This man literally thinks he’s God’s gift to women.

So much he’s got himself gift wrapped to show it. Still, this is hilarious.

91. Apparently some creep has taken this girl’s head.

Don’t worry, this is just a costume. She’s alive and well. But yes, it freaks you out.

92. Say hello to Pat Sajak from Wheel of Fortune.

The wheel is an umbrella while the board is a bag saying “Trick or Treat.” So cute.

93. See this skydiver make a descent.

This is another parent and baby costume. The baby’s the aviator. The parent is the sky.

94. Hope you survive a brush with death.

Yes, that’s supposed to be Death with a large toothbrush. Still, this is clever.

95. You can always shine as a swan.

Her swan costume even lights up in the dark. Got to adore he wings and mask here.

96. You can always be a guest to Lumiere and Cogsworth.

Sure they’re girls. But you have to love how they’re dressed as the beloved clock and candelabra.

97. With these two, it’s totally surreal.

That’s Frida Kahlo and Salvador Dali. One was a prominent Mexican artists known for her self-portraits. The other’s a weird Spanish dude known for melting clocks.

98. It’s all in the cards with these king and queens.

Yes, they’re all cards. Consists of the King of Hearts and all 4 queens.

99. Perhaps you might enjoy this Christmas angel.

Well, she’s on top of the tree. Though it’s only October.

100. Made possible by the magic of Dream Works.

You can see how she lights up with the moon. Hope this makes Stephen Spielberg proud.

The Haunted World of Halloween Village Houses (Third Edition)

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In the tradition of Christmasification, it’s on to the Halloween village houses. While village houses are more of a Christmas tradition, it wasn’t long in recent years that Halloween had become incredibly popular. So companies who made and sold Christmas village stuff expanded to Halloween with haunted villages. Because why stick to just one holiday? After all, there are some people who love this holiday more than Christmas anyway. Still, while Christmas evokes a winter wonderland, Halloween evokes plenty of haunted houses, cobwebs, graveyards, skeletons, and other spooky stuff. So it’s no wonder that people might prefer a miniature haunted village within their own haunted house. Nevertheless, if you’re in for a fright, enjoy another treasure trove of scary Halloween village houses for your reading pleasure.

  1. As the coffin door says, “Enter at your own risk!”

And if the inscription is on a coffin, you might want to avoid it. Even if it is bright orange.

2. A purple striped house is certainly a scream.

This is made of paper with a witch in front and a tree behind. If you love Tim Burton, this is for you.

3. Don’t mind the ghost rising from the chimney.

This one lights up inside though it looks quite plain. Then again, haunted houses aren’t meant to look like much.

4. Any Halloween village can look stunning among orange tree lights.

Well, this haunted village doesn’t take much. But it certainly looks scary from the window.

5. When a haunted house has a “Keep Out!” sign, you better avoid it.

Though this is quite an amazing structure made of cardboard. And you don’t have to put a lot of enhancements on it.

6. Beware of the home with the skull and crossed bones.

This one has lace on the roof and a purple tree outside. The other tree doesn’t have much autumn leaves on it.

7. You’d almost think this Halloween village was a hoppin’ town.

Well, it almost seems like a carnival. You’ll find plenty of funny decorations on here. Still, love the lights.

8. An orange evergreen is perfect for any graveyard.

Yes, the tree gives a rather Dr. Seuss touch. Unless you mind the bats and tombstones.

9. You’d almost think this glitter house was abandoned.

Well, haunted houses often look abandoned. Though you’re bound to find ghosts inside.

10. If the house is boarded, there’s probably a ghost inside.

Helps if you put some cobwebs on it. Also, there’s a hint of light from the top window.

11. There’s something batty about this roof.

Contains some cobwebs at the front door and fence. And you’ll find a tombstone, too.

12. A black house is very scary with purple and green window trim.

Contains pom poms and a “Boo!” sign. And yes, it’s covered in glitter. So eerie.

13. You’ll find plenty of spooks on this black house.

This one is covered in cobwebs. But it’s home to ghosts, spiders, vampires, witches, and what have you.

14. Bet you want to know where that light is coming from this striped house.

This one has a roof depicting cobwebs. And yes, most of the trimming is black.

15. Sometimes a simple autumn house is best.

Though this one doesn’t have as much of the scary stuff as the other ones have. Nevertheless, it’s rather quaint.

16. Large lit trees are perfect for any haunted village.

The village doesn’t have to be large. Nor does the tree have to be billowing. A scrawny one will do.

17. A purple house can become especially eerie.

Has green smoke coming from the chimney. And it’s covered in cobwebs for that Halloween touch.

18. Sometimes a gray haunted house is all you need.

Yes, it’s made from cardboard. But it contains ghosts and bats on the upper levels.

19. Nothing goes better for a haunted village like a black metal chandelier on the ceiling.

This one has plenty of platforms. And it lights up at night. Though nobody would want a dog near on it.

20. Sometimes you may find a haunted home with a bright impression.

This one has a bright green house with orange and purple walls. And yes, it makes a great conversation piece.

21. Might want to think twice before entering this blue house.

Yes, it certainly looks like an abandoned house in the middle of the woods. Not sure if there’s a psychokiller lurking around.

22. Better be home before the clock on this strikes midnight.

Got to love the bright blue roof. If it wasn’t for the gray dour facade, you’d almost think it would go great on a Christmas village.

23. This black haunted house is all spotted.

This one appears rather kid family. Though it’s quite whimsical with cute characters.

24. Might want to proceed with caution at this haunted mansion.

This one is held by a pair of skeletons. Got to love the boards, bats, and cobwebs.

25. A gray home often goes well with the wrought iron.

This one also has a clock on it. Yet, the roof is quite fancy for some reason.

26. A skinny house can have a chimney that’s slightly askew.

Though you have to admire the windows on this one. You’d even have one on the tower.

27. There’s something ghostly coming from that purple house.

Though I’d find it more amazing for a ghost to go through a window or wall. But this house is amazing.

28. How about an orange haunted Halloween home?

You’ll find plenty of bare branches and Halloween stuff galore on this one. Great for any haunted display.

29. Sometimes a gray haunted house with a tower is all you need.

This one has quite a scary facade. Like the tombstones and tree.

30. Light through the windows can make any house look eerie from the inside.

This one has a roof trimmed with tinsel and a black tree on its side. A bat is on the front door.

31. You’ll find plenty of frights at this house.

This is made of paper with all kinds of scary figures outside or in the windows. Perfect for a village display.

32. A haunted village can always shine at night when it’s all dark.

This consists of a rocky land that matches the houses. Still, you have to love the lights.

33. With these 3 tower houses, you got to go beyond the grave.

Each of these is boarded up and in shiny paint. And you see plenty of ghosts and pumpkins everywhere.

34. Black houses are always a scream with glittery orange roofs.

Both of these houses have plenty of things to scare you with. And the black candelabra goes quite nicely with them.

35. A green haunted house sits on a rocky foundation.

Well, it certainly sticks out. Wonder if it lights up from the inside at night.

36. A blinged up haunted mansion makes a scary impression.

Yes, it’s quite flashy. But if you’re aiming for a haunted look, this will be a real graveyard smash.

37. A haunted place can be decked in whimsical colors.

This one has a purple roof with black walls and white dormers. You also have a friendly ghost with a smile.

38. You’d almost swear this house was condemned.

Sure it might look haunted. But never underestimate the power of light spray painting.

39. Sometimes a small ceramic house will do with a little paint.

I bet this was one of those craft Christmas houses painted for Halloween. Got to adore the skeletons though.

40. On haunted houses, there’s no limit on towers.

You can see it has lights coming from the inside. However, 4 towers is a bit much for me.

41. A black cat always prefers a bright orange home.

Though it really stands out in a dark room. Still, sometimes a small cottage can be rather scary in its own way.

42. A small orange house is as quaint as it is terrifying.

Helps if it has a black roof and a chimney. But it makes a great home for a ghost.

43. Care to know this home’s previous owner?

Gravestone reads “I.M. Knotwell.” You can guess how he died.

44. Making a small haunted house is simple in black and white.

One has lace trim. The other is covered in a spider web. Both are a haunted sensation.

45. Perhaps a haunted home in diamonds might suit you.

Nice how it’s surrounded by a wrought iron fence. Got to love the trees and lamp post.

46. Sometimes you might want to have a house with a fancy pattern.

Well, this kind of consists of two houses. Though they have different patterns. Like the windows and trees.

47. You’ll find haunted houses like these in 3 sizes.

You can even find them in 3 colors with unique features. All are covered with black cobwebs.

48. Hope you don’t mind the bloody ghost or giant skeleton.

Yes, it’s just a small purple house. But there’s a lot of scary shit going on there. Great for horror movie fans.

49. You can’t do with enough cobwebs on a haunted home.

Sure it’s mostly cotton stuffing from a craft store. But if you get it everywhere on a house like this, you’re doing it right.

50. Sometimes a haunted house is so simple as painting one black.

These mostly consists of ceramic craft houses painted black for a haunted look. Yes, making one of these is that easy.

51. A large black moon and bat are perfect for overlooking a nighttime village haunt.

And the moon is in the face of a skull in black glitter. But yes, it certainly gives a spooky impression.

52. You’d be pressed not pass up a black paper house like this.

You can see there are plenty of chalk markings. Yet, it kind of seems like the wind’s blowing at it.

53. You’d almost think this house can bend backwards.

Features an orange tree, skull and crossbones, and a spider on the roof. A good addition for any Halloween display.

54. Cheesecloth is handy for cobwebs and ghosts.

It’s a small orange glitter house. But you have to adore the ghosts and ghosts.

55. Some haunted houses are decked in all kinds of patterns.

You’d almost think the house has a mind of its own when you look at the windows and shutters. Has a fence with pumpkins.

56. Beware of the black house with the twin spires.

Yes, it’s a rather imposing structure. But you have to adore the black trees decked with orange garlands.

57. At times, a plain haunted house can be all you need.

You might think this just an abandoned house. But add Halloween stuff and it’s haunted.

58. You’d almost swear there was a witch here.

Well, it has a witch on the side which appears when you turn on the light inside. Eerie, isn’t it?

59. The more haunted a house looks the better.

This one has a cut out of freaky twins. And a roof that almost appears like wood.

60. Perhaps earth tones might strike your fancy.

You’d almost think it was real if it was life sized. Like the tree, by the way.

61. Wonder what this witch is brewing.

Then again, I may not want to know. But it’s certainly fancy on the outside.

62. A haunted house can really stand out in lime green.

Has a witch in the center. But the color is certainly a scream.

63. Doesn’t hurt if you board up a window or two.

After all, board up one window and you can really make the place look haunted. Then add some bats.

64. You’d almost think this house as a wicked cage.

Sure enough, it has “Wicked” in green glitter. And yes, it has a lot of dead plants and a spider.

65. You’d almost think this house was ready to collapse.

This one is made of ceramic with bright colors to spook. And yes, it’s quite amusing to see.

66. Perhaps you might want to stop at this scare hotel.

This one has a skeleton on the top story. But I have to like the chimney.

67. You’d almost think this place was a real ghost haunt.

Think of it where ghosts go for Mardi Gras. Though it’s more suited for Halloween.

68. It’s kind of unsettling when you see a green light from a black house.

This one is made of metal. Not sure what’s going on. But you have to like the spider web on here.

69. What’s that red light coming from that church?

Yes, it’s quite menacing. And yes, it’s made from black metal. So scary.

70. Pink light is perfect for a house with a tower.

This one seems to have candles inside. Though I’d see it as a fire hazard more or less.

71. Even a small flicker of light can be quite eerie.

This one is a black metal church. Though the bubbles can enhance its haunted look.

72. You can’t go wrong with a small green cottage.

Sure it doesn’t look like much. But you’d be charmed with the purple trim and a candy corn tree.

73. A simple frame house is perfect for a black cat.

Though I more or less imagine Victorian haunted houses. Modern design doesn’t really do the trick.

74. Seems like nature has really taken over this house.

This house is boarded up and covered with vines. It’s pretty original compared to the others.

75. You’d almost think this house was possessed by demons.

This is rather unsettling. Makes you wonder whether exorcists take house calls.

76. Might want to get a load on this skull tree.

Yes, that’s pretty creepy. Then again, creepy is kind of the point in this one.

77. Doesn’t hurt if a haunted house can shimmer.

This one has a gold roof with blue. But you got to like the tree with the ghosts.

78. There’s something grave near this trailer.

After all, if a home is mobile, you’d wonder why it’s near grave. Then again, you may not want to know.

79. At this house, you’ll find some visitors from another world.

This is supposed to be a UFO sighting. And it seems like the aliens are ready to descend.

80. Apparently, you’ll find this house under a spider infestation.

And it seems like a monster spider attack. If you’re afraid of spiders, you might find this horrifying.

81. A cottage like this is a giant ant’s paradise.

Though would you want to live near giant ants? Definitely not. Because that’s terrifying.

82. If you see snow, you might want to beware of the Yeti.

Though I’m not sure where you’ll find retro style houses in the Himalayas. Though this is quite a creative design.

83. When you see a UFO land, the aliens will emerge.

Never thought I’d see a village UFO crash for Halloween. Though please tell them that you come in peace.

84. Sometimes you can’t go wrong with a flashy purple house.

This one has purple glitter, purple bats, and purple everything. Love it.

85. Old jewelry can create a rather haunted look.

This one has jeweled bordered windows and a large black stone on the door. If you like scary and gaudy stuff, this is for you.

86. For more eerie effect, try some bright green on the windows.

This one is covered with glitter with pumpkins in front. Seems like a place you’d expect the Joker to live in.

87. There’s something ghastly about this abode.

Well, it’s kind of shaped like a ghost. But it’s black with purple windows. Nevertheless, it’s a rather haunted haven.

88. You might want to give some bones about this mobile home.

This one kind of gives me the creeps. Because most people don’t have skeletons outside their houses.

89. You might find something slithering at this frame house.

Apparently, this is basically a snake infestation. But I do like where the chimney is located.

90. There’s something coming from that manhole on the road.

Kind of reminds you of what you’d see in a monster movie. Still, the house seems rather doomed by the looks of it.

91. Perhaps you might want to relax at this autumn cabin.

Sure it may not seem like Halloween. But it kind of has a rather rustic flair.

92. A haunted house can stand out with colorful stripes.

Sure it might have pastel colors. But it’s definitely a Halloween house with graves.

93. Bright colors always make a rather whimsical haunted house.

This one seems rather like a kid friendly craft project. Still, the ghosts are a delight.

94. There are some ghosts who prefer festive accommodations.

This one is made from ceramic. But you have to love trimmings and towers.

95. Nothing can make a house more haunted like Halloween candy.

This one has a rather glittery facade. But you can’t help but trick or treat with this.

96. Bet you find an orange spider on this house.

Well, at least on the top. Still, the black trees on this one are rather imposing.

97. Sometimes a ghost might prefer a glittery home.

It even has some glittery windows and tombstones. Perfect for those who like shiny things.

98. This house seems shaped like a coffin.

Well, in a way. Yet, it has a door in the corner under the word “Boo!”

99. I suppose this is a home to a druggist.

Still, would you want to get any drugs from this place? Probably not.

100. No amazing haunted house should go without a pumpkin

This one is green with black stripes. Still, the pumpkin adds a rather Halloween touch.

 

The Dark Scary World of Vintage Halloween Costumes (Third Edition)

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Whether intended to be scary or cute, many of these vintage Halloween costumes seem rather terrifying for some reason. Perhaps they made costumes differently. Or maybe it’s the photography since black and white can make things look significantly scarier than color. Maybe they were just more creative. But whatever the reason Halloween back then apparently seemed much creepier than today’s equivalents. And if you lived back then, chances are you’d probably wouldn’t want to run into any partiers or trick or treaters. Nevertheless, for your reading pleasure, I give you yet another installment of some really creepy old Halloween costumes to send a shiver up your spine.

  1. You might want to beware of the clowns living in Uncanny Lane.

By the way, do you know Pennywise the Clown from It? Well, these are his parents. Or grandparents. I’m not exactly sure.

2. Perhaps you can be a deer and what the hell is that thing?

Then again, the deer head costume kind of looks a bit creepy as well. But it’s nothing compared to the one kind of resembling a badly designed ghost cat.

3. For a devil costume all you need is a dress and matching horns.

Sure they may not look scary. Yet, the hooked tails kind of look out of place.

4. Think of this classroom scene as Arthur meets Pet Semetary.

Man, those masks are so creepy as hell. Guaranteed to give you nightmares for weeks.

5. Oh, look two trick or treaters.

Okay, you can take all the candy you want! Just go away and don’t kill me!

6. Children always look forward to a Halloween parade.

Might want to flee the neighborhood when they’re around. Unless you have a huge stock of candy.

7. Apparently, Spock goes for purple haired chicks.

Actually that doesn’t look like Spock at all. Besides, couldn’t the parents just use make up and pointed ears? Seems less scary.

8. Please don’t look behind the bushes.

Because these two girls will straight up murder you. Sure they might be playing around. But piss them off, you’ll soon regret it.

9. This boy is quite a skilled bear baiter.

For one, this costume pair makes light of cruelty to animals. Second, that is the most terrifying bear I’ve ever seen. Please don’t sick that thing on me.

10. Be wary around anything with a big head.

After all, the one with the bag was never seen again after this picture was taken. Sure the big headed guy might look silly but avoid if you value you life.

11. Beware of the scary ghouls with flashlights.

Yes, they’re trick or treaters. But give them anything with razor blades and they’ll put you through hell.

12. You’ll surely be endeared with this clown wearing musical cats.

On second thought, those cats are terrifying. If there’s a cat version of Deliverance, I bet any money they’d be in it.

13. On Halloween, best not to piss off this wicked witch.

No, she’s not the kind of witch you’d see on Harry Potter. And if you do anything stupid, she can easily turn you into a toad.

14. “Smile for the camera, children!”

We have idea what happened to the kid in the cap after this. For he was never seen again.

15. Keep away from those wearing large masks.

Yes, those are incredibly horrifying. So is the cat. Might want to avoid if you value your life.

16. Try getting these women out of these large bottles.

They’re dressed as gin and port. And from how the labels are placed, I’m not sure if they’re wearing much else.

17. Someone in this picture has their mask on upside down.

But the mask is nevertheless terrifying just the same. Also, you don’t want to piss off those at the fountain.

18. When these two clowns visit your neighborhood, you better be on your guard.

Make sure you have plenty of candy. For if you don’t, chances are you’ll never be seen again.

19. Better give this devil his due.

Yes, that mask is certainly menacing. So you better give him candy before he takes your soul.

20. Sometimes a so-called cute creature can be upright murderous.

Yes, the costumes here are kind of scary. But the panda and chipmunk are truly the stuff of nightmares.

21. No, you don’t want to shake hands with the pumpkin man.

At first I thought it was a Halloween decoration. Still, I don’t think this girl’s exercising good judgement.

22. Whatever you do, it would be wise not to crash this party.

For all you know, party crashers could be on the menu. So you might as well stay away if you value your life.

23. When trick or treating, kids, there are just some homes you must stay away from.

This house would fall among those you should skip. Doesn’t matter if their candy is good. Because they could easily put you in a pot or a hot oven.

24. Of course, many costume parties should always have a group photo.

Yet, you best not want to see these people in a dark alley. Or intoxicated. Also, what’s party hat Hitler doing here? Talk about terrifying.

25. Don’t want to know who let these dogs out.

For all I know, they’d drag me into the woods and murder me. So best you keep away from these two.

26. Perhaps you might want to pay a visit to the pumpkin man.

May not be as scary as Donald Trump. But the pumpkin head and abdomen is unsettling. Still, have to admire the squash wagon.

27. This guy just wants someone to sit with him.

Though better if you shouldn’t. For you never know what he might do to you. Then again, he might be just lonely.

28. On Halloween, sometimes you might want to know what happened to certain kids’ heads.

I know it’s a mask head. But that just doesn’t look right for some reason. Not sure why.

29. I’m sure this girl wouldn’t want to hold hands with this Uncle Sam.

Even the old costumes not meant to be scary are terrifying. This especially goes for ones of Uncle Sam for some reason. Yes, I feel for that girl, too.

30. Even ghosts can get tired sometimes.

But that’s still a very creepy costume. Also the one with the black leather mask is quite menacing.

31. Sometimes it helps if your costumes match.

Though stripes don’t detract from the horrifying expressions. Best to keep away if you value your life.

32. On Halloween, chances are you might run into a ghost in your neighborhood.

But if you run into this one, try to get out of sight before they haunt your dreams. Otherwise, nobody will see you again.

33. When Dracula and Frankenstein band together, no one is safe.

Sure they’re store bought masks. But they nevertheless seem scary as hell.

34. Keep away from the clown in the corner.

Yes, clowns can terrify us. But this is especially so in black and white photography.

35. Even a pumpkin from bags can horrifying onlookers.

That face may have a smile. But you don’t want to mess with them. Seriously, don’t.

36. Somehow I’m not sure what’s going on with this rabbit.

Cute little bunny rabbit in an outfit isn’t what I have in mind with this one. In fact, wouldn’t be surprised if this girl took out an ax.

37. If you thought the twins from The Shining were creepy…

Those masks are just uncanny and menacing. Guaranteed to give you nightmares.

38. Sometimes it helps of you crack a few egg…people.

This woman’s costume doesn’t even have arm’s for God’s sake. Yet, she doesn’t seem to mind. Not sure why.

39. There’s a strong chance you might be visited by green people from another world.

If they visit you, best to give them what they want. Else, they might vaporize you.

40. Pennywise the Clown has nothing on this guy.

Hell, this guy makes Pennywise look like a clown at a birthday party. Why he doesn’t get the Stephen King treatment, no one knows.

41. Sometimes a costume might seem scarier under candle light.

You can see this in action with this ugly vampire. I’m sure he’d give the guy from Nosferatu a run for his money.

42. Even a wolf can seem scary near a jack-o-lantern.

Not sure if he’ll kill your grandma or blow down your house. But if go near him, you probably don’t want to know.

43. There are some trick or treaters you simply just can’t greet.

Just throw candy at them and have them leave. But not those Dum Dum lollipops. Or candy corn. Else, you’ll regret it.

44. Guess this is what you’d call a 1930s insane clown posse.

Okay, they might not be juggalos. But they’re dressed as clowns. And they’re certainly insane.

45. Only a clown can enjoy a slow dance with a ghoulish ghost.

Though which one I should feel bad for is a difficult question. After all, both seem likely to kill you in your sleep.

46. When these 3 ghosts visit the neighborhood, it’s time to run.

Because if you don’t give them candy, they will haunt your dreams. Or perhaps worse.

47. A jolly clown like this boy is one to avoid.

After all, he might get his jollies from hacking people to pieces. Don’t believe me? Just look at his face.

48. When ghost drive by night, be very afraid.

Still, if you drive near these, you might want to give them the right of way. Because you might regret it if you don’t.

49. Don’t worry about these witches hanging.

Though the old crone seems like one who’d use a candy house to eat children. The other woman doesn’t seem to mind.

50. You can create a scary costume with a white sheet.

Yes, these are certainly menacing. Definitely guaranteed to haunt your dreams.

51. No, you don’t want to touch that clown’s nose.

Though the other kids seem pretty terrifying as well. Nevertheless, best to avoid them on the street.

52. When you see some ghastly folks in cone hats, it’s time to run.

Best not to push their buttons. For you don’t want to be chopped to pieces. So don’t piss them off.

53. Sometimes a simple paper bag can make all the difference.

Must take an artist to make a simple brown paper bag inspire nightmares. Stephen King would be proud.

54. When you’re on a budget, go with newspaper.

Not sure what he’s supposed to be. But at least he’s willing to get creative. Yet, he’s a long shot in any costume contest.

55. Better not look behind you when bobbing for apples.

Because if you do, these undead will kidnap you and bury you alive. So happy apple bobbing, kids.

56. Introducing for one night only, the Skeleton Triplets.

You should really see them dance since they’re such a scream. Also inspire screams when looking into their stone cold faces.

57. When you see this witch around, her little brother won’t be far behind.

So please treat them well and give them candy. But not candy corn since they will absolutely murder you if you do.

58. Even the Devil can be trusted around babies.

Okay, I know this is a picture of siblings. But that masks might suggest the boy’s less than a wholesome influence.

59. Here’s a photo of Pennywise from his childhood.

Let’s just say this was one kid in the neighborhood you didn’t mess with. Because he’d basically kill you.

60. On Halloween, best not mess with these witches.

After all, to these girls, black magic is serious business. And if they turn you into a toad, consider yourself lucky.

61. When he shows up, it’s your time to go.

Since he’s the Grim Reaper. Okay, he’s dressed up as one. But he’s quite frightening.

62. You might want to watch your back with these little devils around.

If you think they’re scary now. Just imagine them with their masks on.

63. Children always enjoy community trick or treating.

But you’d almost mistake this bunch for a horde of horrid monsters. Avoid them like the plague.

64. Apparently, these clowns have taken a couple of hostages.

And it’s likely these two boys may not have long to live. Poor angels.

65. Now this kid has a rather funny looking face.

Never underestimate the power of paper mache. And yes, this mask is terrifying.

66. The difference between these two is in black and white.

No, these two aren’t the aliens from “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield.” Because they didn’t have Star Trek at the time.

67. Bet you wouldn’t want to run into these trick-or-treaters.

Seems like you’ll find plenty of scary masks here. So best to either give them candy or avoid.

68. Don’t look now but Frankenstein’s monster is in the neighborhood.

Though to be fair, Frankenstein’s monster isn’t supposed to be bad. Rather it’s Dr. Frankenstein who’s the real monster.

69. You never know what you can make with paper bags and yarn.

And yes, they’re certainly frightening. Talk about creepy craft projects.

70. Thought Anne Jetson didn’t resemble a horror movie character.

Yet, this one makes a cartoon character seem like she’s from an uncanny valley. Eeek!

71. Should you attend this Halloween party, best to leave as soon as you can.

And yes, I can feel for the guy without a costume in this. Chances are, he won’t be coming home that night.

72. Not sure if he’s a soldier or executioner.

On the other hand, the woman’s dress goes perfect with the wallpaper. Though I wouldn’t mess with the guy with the ax.

73. You’d swear these women’s hair would stand on end.

And they all seem tucked into a sheet like they’re standing. Indeed, I don’t understand it.

74. Apparently, Nathan Bedford Forrest Elementary School wasn’t known for its sensitivity training program.

There’s a reason why we don’t want people to use a cone hat on their ghost costume. Because it brings a startling resemblance to what some white supremacists wear.

75. Dead Mickey Mouse and Batgirl Thing say goodbye.

And yes, their costumes seem to defy all explanation. Yet, they’re also incredibly terrifying.

76. Hope you never run into this rare bird.

Because she doesn’t seem very friendly. Also wears high-heeled shoes.

77. Sometimes you can do plenty with a cardboard mask.

Sure it’s a very cheap Halloween costume. But at the same time, it turns a child into a neighborhood psychokiller.

78. Seems like demonic monsters revel in the great outdoors.

Though you wouldn’t want to be out when they’re in the neighborhood. And yes, I hear they do kill unsuspecting bystanders.

79. Everyone always has fun at the skeleton dance.

But they sure don’t give any bones about freaking out the neighbors. Or anyone else.

80. Sometimes the scary is all kept in the family.

And let’s just say they always dress for dinner. But yes, the women will certainly give you the heebie jeebies.

Ghastly Halloween Greetings in the Ghoulish Days of Old (Third Edition)

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Now it’s on to vintage Halloween greeting cards. Whenever I do a post on holiday greeting cards, I usually go for the vintage lot mostly since they have a lot of crazy imagery that don’t hold up in contemporary times. Not to mention, people sent greeting cards to each other way more often than today. Well at least it seems that way. Halloween cards are no exception. Many of these cards use very creepy illustrations sometimes depicting stuff that doesn’t make sense to the modern eye. Sometimes figures aren’t drawn right that they look unintentionally creepy like children. And sometimes the inscription might contain a suggestive message correlating to the image, which I most often see on vintage valentines. Some of these cards could be outright offensive at a demographic stand point. But regardless of what you might see, you’d probably wouldn’t send these cards to a loved one any time soon. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of vintage Halloween cards time forgot.

  1. A large lit jack-o-lantern sets a black cat’s fur on end.

Though I think the cat’s more freaked out by the kid who’s threatening to whack him with a broomstick. Though that jack-o-lantern is creepy.

2. Nobody’s happier on Halloween than a pumpkin head child with gold teeth.

However, this pumpkin kid has inspired countless nightmares ever since. Seriously, anyone would be freaked out by this.

3. Halloween is always a time of year to casually converse with floating jack-o-lanterns.

Because there’s nothing crazy about talking to floating pumpkins under candle light. Okay, little Jimmy may be a little eccentric. But please understand him.

4. “May you have a jolly Halloween!”

However, neither of these kids holding pumpkins seem jolly. More like the kids who showed up at a Halloween party without a costume.

5. Flying a broom at night is thrilling for this pumpkin head kid.

Not sure what’s creepier. Seeing a crone witch flying on a broom in the sky or this. At least flying witches don’t give you nightmares.

6. If you let the candle drip in the water on Halloween, the face of your soulmate will appear.

Guess this is a superstition but I don’t think love works that way. Also, how is that guy sitting without a chair?

7. Cats and little girls are always Halloween chums.

This girl’s like “I’ll love em’ and squeeze em,’ and keep em’ forever and ever.” Cat makes a face like someone in a hostage situation.

8. “A happy future/I hope you will see/On Hallow’een in a cup of tea.”

Not sure if I can go on with that idea. Still, hope the girl doesn’t look at that fairy. Eeek.

9. Happy Halloween from the living human squash garden.

The fact these have pumpkin and squash heads and human bodies make them terrifying enough. You could almost make a horror movie with these.

10. Pumpkin head scarecrow wishes you a joyous Halloween.

Because he’s the only thing keeping you safe from these freaky children. Their smiles are particularly menacing.

11. Terrifying boy with broomstick wishes you a jolly Halloween.

Looking at that kid’s face makes me feel for the whimpering jack-o-lantern. Hate to think of what that boy will do with that broom.

12. Demons and squash people relish in a Halloween feast.

I don’t know why these squash people exist in these Halloween cards. Yet one really seems to enjoy the chocolate box.

13. “Ho! For a Merry Hallowe’en!”

Seems like the jack-o-lantern wants the kid to climb into his mouth in order to devour him. And the moon’s relishing watching the whole thing. Maybe Linus should be glad the Great Pumpkin never came to his neck of the woods.

14. You can’t have a Halloween party without inviting a small moon man.

I’ve heard of the man in the moon. But I had no idea that he had a human body and wears a suit. Still, seems to like tall girls fro some reason.

15. “Pumpkin head I would like to be/If in your arms you would take me.”

Look, I know this is supposed to be a card someone sent to their sweetheart. But the terrifying pumpkins in the background just freak me out.

16. Stay safe on Halloween and watch out for flying jack-o-lanterns.

And you thought the wolf was bad enough for Little Red Riding Hood. Run for your life from those pumpkins! For they will only bring you death.

17. Apparently, nobody wants a visit from the jack-o-lantern ghost.

Still, I’m not sure if the jack-o-lantern is really a head. Or if it’s just on top on its head. Maybe I don’t want to know.

18. Witches on broomsticks always fly by night.

Yet, the man in the moon always likes to gaze at the young witch’s best attributes. Which makes the cats terrified and brings scorn from the owl.

19. Happy Halloween from the hulking depressed ghost.

Guess someone’s not in a scary mood this Halloween night. Not sure what the witch and small scarecrow think otherwise.

20. Bobbing for apples is always Halloween fun.

However, a white girl dressed as an Indian falls under cultural appropriation. Not exactly offensive like the Cleveland Indians logo but still.

21. Children always look forward to Halloween night.

Yet, black cats seem to be afraid of everything. This one absolutely dreads a small child’s embrace and for good reason.

22. “On All-hallows Eve,/When the hour is late,/Pull a root from the garden/And meet your fate.”

Yet, a root with a face and appendages just defies all concepts of biology. Also, what’s this about pulling up root veggies for Halloween?

23. May you see your dream boat in your mirror on Halloween, thanks to witch coming from a pumpkin.

She’s probably freaked out by the witch coming from the pumpkin. Though she might want to look at her ginger dream guy in the mirror. Yet, she’s not paying attention.

24. There’s nothing more fun on Halloween than stealing the occasional jack-o-lantern.

And those trick or treaters should be lucky that the policeman chasing them doesn’t have a gun. Though the ghost kid looks straight out of a horror movie.

25. Halloween greetings from a little red hatted witch.

However, as she sorts her mail, she devises her own little evil plan. So if you see her, you might want to run away from her like hell.

26. Sometimes even witches wouldn’t want to go near a pumpkin headed scarecrow.

Though this guy doesn’t seem able to go anywhere so he might want some companionship. Then again, we’ve probably heard all about Donald Trump’s sexual assault allegations. So I wouldn’t blame the witch here.

27. Everyone always wants to take part in a Halloween parade.

However, you wouldn’t want to take part in this procession. And the fact the pumpkin lanterns also seem to enjoy it only inspires more nightmares. Seriously, why?

28. “At twelve o’clock you must be ready,/And hold your pumpkin good and steady/For by its rays of candle light/On Halloween all things are bright!”

However, the moon behind this witch seems to give her a massive pervo stare. Wonder why she doesn’t feel uncomfortable here.

29. Halloween night might startle you with an occasional fright once in awhile.

I’m sure the cat’s freaked out by the sight of the squash people. Because these squash people are the stuff of nightmares.

30. “The time has come/For the witches’ dance,/And the spooks from far and near/Will gather and make merry/For Halloween is here.”

Though being stared down by a giant jack-o-lantern cannot be a pleasant experience. The green goblins look kind of freaky, too.

31. Remember if you go out alone on Halloween night, you’ll be in for a fright.

Yet, that couple might not want to mind the terrifying jack-o-lantern in the window. Kind of seems evil for some reason.

32. Squash people can’t resist a piece of cake.

Though they sure look terrifying eating it. Still, I swear these guys were a product of some 19th century drug trip.

33. On Halloween night, don’t miss the charms of the witching hour.

Yet, that laughing pumpkin moon just gives me the creeps. And I think the white cat agrees with me.

34. Nothing beats trick or treating on Halloween.

Not sure if this kid’s even wearing costume. Then again, he probably doesn’t need one since he looks pretty terrifying already.

35. A witch’s cauldron should always bring all the spirits in  view.

Yes, those faces will give you nightmares. But what’s with that masked person?

36. “Could I borrow a witch’s flying machine/I’d visit you on Hallow’een.”

Yet, this witch doesn’t seem to fly her broom right. Apparently, the broom part is supposed to be down.

37. Apparently, nobody wants to see flying jack-o-lanterns on a cow.

Well, if I were that woman, I’d be flipping out in fright, too. Those jack-o-lantern smiles are just terrifying.

38. Seems like this black cat really doesn’t like what’s coming out of that cauldron.

Then again, it’s not like I’d blame the cat for anything. Because I thought those cauldrons were just for magic potions.

39. If you want to know your fortune, pull out a beet from your garden at midnight.

Still, the gnome fairy is just incredibly freaky looking. Also, going out in your garden for a beet to read your future? What the hell?

40. No feat is greater on Halloween than carving a giant pumpkin in the patch.

Now we know where the Great Pumpkin came from. Still, can’t really see a kid doing this. Also, you don’t see a lot of stuff lying around. I mean don’t you have to shell out the contents first?

41. If you look in the mirror on Halloween, the fiend will show you the person you marry.

Though I wouldn’t want to look at the white fiend behind if I were him. Also, I don’t think he’s pleased with what he’s seeing.

42. Beware what you find in that old grandfather clock.

Seems like the cat looked and its fur already stands on end. Still, bound to give you nightmares.

43. Keep an eye out for ghosts on Halloween night.

And yes, the ghosts seem like they’re straight out of some horror film. One of them is about to reach for that woman’s shoulder. Freaky.

44. You can always make merry on the drum on Halloween night.

However, the drum doesn’t seem to look happy at all. Also, the cats are parading around mice, which they eat.

45. You never know what you’ll run into on Halloween night.

Or who will be coming home with brown on the seat of their pants. Though seeing a ghostly figure in the woods will freak out just about anyone.

46. There’s nothing scarier than being chased by a jack-o-lantern on legs.

Yes, you’d probably run away from that, too. But the kids seem substantially creepier to me, especially the one getting trampled.

47. Bobbing for apples is always a wholesome Halloween activity.

Though this guy’s wondering which of the twins he wants to make out with. Or he just wants to gape at one of the girl’s drenched pink dress.

48. Happy Halloween, courtesy of Nightmare man.

Surely wouldn’t want to see that guy riding on a broomstick upside down. Yet, the woman with the jack-o-lantern doesn’t seem to mind.

49. May cats in jack-o-lantern hot air balloons bring you Halloween joys.

Even the owl can’t believe what it’s witnessing at the moment. Yes, that’s probably inspired by some drug trip.

50. As you know, jack-o-lanterns can come in so many faces.

Yet, each one of these pumpkins is rather eerie in its own way. Particularly if they have teeth.

The Spooky World of Halloween Pumpkin Dioramas (Third Edition)

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Once again, we come to the pumpkin dioramas said to be one of the hottest trends this Halloween season. Sure most of the pumpkins are from craft stores for obvious reasons. But Yahoo.com touts these projects as a way for families to craft together as the decorating ideas are endless. But most of those I find on the Internet usually depict a haunted scene of some type such as a haunted house or grave yard. After all, Halloween is the biggest fall holiday. Some of them even light up like the diorama above and in so many colors for an eerie effect. You can have glitter pumpkins or ones that glow in the dark. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you another assortment of spooky pumpkin dioramas for Halloween.

  1. Apparently, creepy clowns love to hang out in cemeteries.

Well, if the clown was Pennywise, Stephen King would be proud. A perfect idea for IT fans.

2. Seems like this skeleton has his bones scattered.

The sky on this one has cobwebs inside. Love how the lights are meant to resemble stars.

3. You’d almost think this pumpkin was possessed.

This one depicts a haunted house and graveyard. It even lights up from the ground.

4. This paper haunted house has a friendly ghost.

This one doesn’t seem very hard to make. Even has a little night sky in the background with purple light.

5. For a fairy, a pumpkin shell makes a perfect dining area.

Well, this is more of a fairy house. But it proves that not all pumpkin dioramas have to be scary.

6. A pumpkin makes a wonderful place for your potions.

Sure none of them are fit for human consumption. But perfect for witches who want a place to put their concoctions.

7. If you’re a fan of Stranger Things, here’s a pumpkin diorama for you.

Sure this one uses very small figurines. But you can have fun with this for hours.

8. Eerie green lights are perfect for a graveyard shift.

Though this one has a vulture on top. But the skeleton hanging on a tree is quite charming.

9. You’d find plenty of scary things at this haunted house.

The green lights inside make this quite spooky. But the ghosts really stand out amongst everything.

10. This cemetery is filled with mummies.

And it doesn’t seem to look like Egypt either. Guess whoever made this wanted to do something original.

11. Don’t mind these skeletons hanging during the graveyard shift.

Neither are quite buried. Though got to love the glitter night sky and orange star lights.

12. Every princess should have a glittery pumpkin carriage for the ball.

Maybe the Fairy Godmother was on to something. Still, like how it lights up inside.

13. How about a spooky Halloween time with these ghosts?

This one has ghosts in front of the fence holding “Boo!” More adorable than scary though.

14. Pumpkins are a perfect place for a tea between friends.

Sure it doesn’t seem like it’s made for Halloween. But little girls would adore this.

15. Seems like you’d find a lit haunted house on any dark night.

Well, that looks pretty eerie. The haunted house appears it’s from a store for a village.

16. Every Cinderella should have a pumpkin coach with pumpkin wheels.

This one has silver pumpkin wheels with a coach edged with jewels. Maybe not Halloween, but any princess will love it.

17. This skeleton gives no bones about potion making.

Well, the cauldron looks pretty empty. But the skeleton doesn’t let a little orange night light interfere.

18. This skeleton is trying his hand in fishing.

And it seems he’s got a catch. Nevertheless, you have to admire the stars inside.

19. This haunted scene is within this jack-o-lantern’s smile.

Well, it’s kind of delightful. Though I think this one comes from a store for some reason.

20. This mouse has plenty of teas to offer.

But would you want any tea from a mouse? I wouldn’t think so. But this one is quite charming.

21. You might want to stay away from this haunted house.

This is particularly the case if the edge is lined with moss. And yes, the light inside is quite eerie.

22. Cinderella emerges from her jewel encrusted pumpkin coach.

It’s also edged with lace with a tiara on top. Yes, it’s another pumpkin coach but it’s a rather intricate one.

23. A wolf howling at the full moon is a menacing sight.

Okay, maybe it’s not the full moon. Though it’s quite scary enough even though wolves aren’t as dangerous as you might think. Well, as long as you leave them alone and don’t touch their pups.

24. Perhaps you might want to stop at this pumpkin house for trick or treating.

This one has all the trimmings with the ledge in the front. Though you wouldn’t want to go inside.

25. Come inside to find the pumpkin patch.

Okay, they mostly consist of inedible candy corn pumpkins. But this is a rather charming diorama kids would love.

26. Inside this pumpkin you’ll find the stars.

Contains a railing all lined with cats. On the edge, you have lights.

27. You can use a pumpkin to make your own haunted house.

Uses a cotton ball as a ghost. And it’s all painted gray with stairs and porch roof.

28. How about a graveyard with an imposing gate?

This one has a blue sky along with green light. Got to love the skulls on the imposing gate.

29. On a clear night, you might see a wolf howling at the moon.

You’ll find plenty of sticks inside as trees. And yes, the ground is made of moss.

30. Why make a haunted house of one pumpkin when you have 3?

Each of these is painted purple with towers. But you have to love this one.

31. You might not want to see a wolf howling in front of a haunted house.

Though wolves would normally avoid haunted houses and graveyards. Then again, that lone wolf might be a werewolf.

32. A golden pumpkin coach should always dazzle for the palace ball.

This even has horses and pumpkin wheels. Though the horses will turn to mice after midnight.

33. There’s some eerie orange light coming from that graveyard.

Seems like something’s rising from the ground. Don’t have a good feeling about that.

34. Beware what awaits at that haunted shack.

I can see a few skeletons on the ground. Might want to avoid if you dare.

35. A haunted house must have a mossy arch way with spiders.

This one has a putz house inside with candy corn trees, a lamp post, and a tree. Has a skull and raven on top.

36. Seems like this vampire gathering has gone batty.

This is a red one with bats in the background. And if anyone stops by, I’m sure it becomes a real blood fest.

37. This skeleton is on his own highway to Hell.

Well, if you’re as skeleton on a motorcycle, that’s probably where you’ll go? Still, this is quite amusing.

38. The graveyard is a wonderful place to have a barbecue.

Hey, skeletons and zombies like to have their picnics. Though how’d they get a large grill in a cemetery, I’m not sure.

39. Seems like the Grim Reaper is on the prowl.

Well, if you’re in the haunted