Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles with These Birthday Party Cakes (Sixth Edition)

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On January 13 this year I will turn 30 which makes me a bit on edge. On one hand, I get presents and have a special day all about me. On the other hand, I feel like I haven’t accomplished much as I should by this point in my life. Anyway, I decided to dedicate it the way I usually do with a bad birthday cake post featuring some really terrible disasters from Cake Wrecks. Now when you go to a bakery, you expect that everything is made to your specification. But since we have sites like Cake Wrecks, this doesn’t always go that way. Since the cake decorators aren’t going to be from some prestigious cake decorating academy. And some don’t even know how to follow directions. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of birthday cakes gone wrong.

  1.  There’s something wrong with the girl’s hand.
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Because the thumbs look quite different. Also, that doesn’t look like a 6-year-old girl to me for some reason.

2. When they draw a tooth, you draw a tooth.

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Don’t just write it in multi-colored icing. But did the cake decorator listen? No.

3. When you have a cupcake cake, put the phrases in different bubbles.

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Because if you write across, the saying may look like this. And let’s just say, it’s kind of off so to speak.

4. It’s supposed to say, “When you’re 64.”

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But instead it says, “un.” Yeah, that doesn’t make sense the least bit.

5. A clown cake is always great for a kid’s party.

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Okay, more appropriate for a kid’s Halloween party. Also, does that clown look dead to you? Seriously, it’s creepy.

6. Well, he got a big 2.

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Yet, it’s on top of some green icing. Nobody knows what it says to this day.

7. Yes, it’s someone’s birthday all right.

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Though I don’t know what the hell this figure’s doing on here. Is there a Sesame Street muppet I don’t know about?

8. Apparently, this family doesn’t make gender an issue.

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Okay, we know Jeff is a boy. The icing is in blue. Also, Jeff is a boy’s name. Seriously, I have 2 uncles by that name.

9. Feel free to customize this birthday cake.

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Uh, isn’t that supposed to be the bakery’s job? Don’t they have a special design program for that? Just asking because I know they put photos on cakes somehow.

10. No girl is ever too old to be a Disney princess.

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But 70 is kind of pushing it. Then again, it her birthday. She can have any cake she wants. If she wants Cinderella, fine.

11. Happy Birthday to a special boy.

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That basically all it says. Because we don’t really know the guy’s name.

12. Hope you enjoy your Birthcay, whoever you are.

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Yeah, “Birthday” is mispelled. Despite that spelling it isn’t that hard. Wonder why that is.

13. Apparently, bakeries don’t have spell check.

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“Birthday” is definitely spelled wrong. Yet, what is that name below? Kathy W or Natty W?

14. How do you say “Happy Birthday” in 3 languages?

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And apparently, this bakery doesn’t know any but English. Though they wrote the instructions.

15. Everyone seems to like bees nowadays.

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Oh my God, what the hell is that thing? Seriously, that looks more like a demon with bee stripes? And no, I’m not calling it Sting.

16. Mickey Mouse is always good for a baby’s first birthday cake.

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But this Mickey seems rather skeevy for some reason. Seriously, I don’t like the look in his eyes like he’s out for trouble.

17. Does this cake decorator have any idea about spacing?

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Seriously, the words are all together. Also, who the hell named their kid Prudy in the 1980s and 1990s?

18. Kung Fu Panda fans might enjoy this Po cake.

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Though this one doesn’t look anywhere near finished. Or part of the design ripped off. Either way, looks rather sad.

19. Perhaps anyone would like this 40th birthday cake.

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Make sure the words are in purple icing. As the cake says here.

20. Make sure you have “Happy Birthday” on both of these.

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Well, they delivered. But someone took the instructors way too literally.

21. Someone wanted a 1960’s hippie party theme.

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And what better than to have it on generic fruit cake. No tie dye, peace signs, or psychedelic patterns whatsoever.

22. Guess this is Zack’s “Birday.”

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Yes, “Birthday” is mispelled again. Not sure why this keeps happening. Seriously, all bakeries should have spell-check.

23. Put on the “Happy Birthday Victory Song.”

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Apparently, this cake decoraor doesn’t know it. Despite the fact I’ve heard it my whole life. Also “Birthday” is misspelled.

24. Hope Kelley enjoys this cake.

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Okay it’s supposed to be Kelli? And I don’t think it’s supposed to include an eye. Yeah, someone messed up here.

25. A plain grass cake will always do.

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Then again, this seems more like an abandoned pavement theme. Why anyone would want that, I don’t know.

26. Happy Birthday to one red hot mama.

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Okay, you don’t use the “th” when doing 21. Also, being a mom at 21 isn’t a thing to aspire to, no matter how sexy. God, this is disturbing.

27. I guess someone wanted a maritime themed cake.

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Instead, Mark got a garden carrot cake. Hope he doesn’t throw a tantrum. But at least the sea is written in.

28. A dino cake is perfect for a 1-year-old boy.

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But dino apocalypse cake, not so much. Seriously, these dinos can go extinct at any moment. The foliage already has died.

29. Someone’s turning 30.

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Yet, the 3 is on backwards. How is that possible? Seriously, does someone not know how numbers are written?

30. This ghosts wishes you a scary happy birthday.

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What’s that ghost holding? Is that shit? Is the ghost covered in shit? God, that’s disgusting.

31. Leshia wanted a Frozen cake.

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Okay, this cake was written sideways. So instead of a winter scene with a tree, it’s basically a winter scene revolving on a shit puddle. Given how the branches seem to resemble the stench.

32. You might like this Cars 1st birthday cake.

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But this one has too many car rings. Seriously, you can space them out more.

33. Is this supposed to be a boob cake?

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For one, the decorated doesn’t know how to draw a bra as you can see? Also, this is a very inappropriate cake for a 10-year-old girl.

34. Your Irish mom deserves a shamrock cake.

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And I don’t think this is a shamrock. Seriously, what the hell is that?

35. Don’t forget to add a clown hat.

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As this cake specifies. But the words in parentheses make that very clear.

36. Make sure you have the letters in the right color.

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Yes, it’s supposed to say, “Happy Birthday Tristan.” But in yellow. It’s written in black icing.

37. Some people might prefer a duck cake.

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And yes, the inscription is in purple icing. And yes, it’s as instructed.

38. Seems like Steven’s turning 4.

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But you wouldn’t know it from how is name’s spelled. Let’s hope he doesn’t know how to read. Oh wait, he might.

39. Perhaps a Barney cake could cheer you up.

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Okay, that doesn’t look like Barney. Just a giant purple lizard, which may not be a bad thing.

40. Golden Girls fans might enjoy this cake.

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Who the hell are these ladies? Because they sure as hell don’t look like Golden Girls. Seriously, what the hell?

41. Apparently, someone doesn’t know how to draw a playing card.

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To be fair, they asked for a King of Hearts card as it’s written. But that’s not what they got.

42. Don’t put candles on this cake.

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But did they really have to write it on there. Seriously, kind of creates an awkward situation with the customer.

43. “40 Begians forever getting.”

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Not sure what that means. Because it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

44. Teen girls back in the 2000’s would love a Twilight cake.

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Uh, Twilight’s not anime. Seriously, I don’t care for Twilight and even I know this.

45. Got to have a nice cake for one’s “Bathday.”

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Yes, that’s another misspelling of “Birthday.” Because bath days aren’t really that special for a cake.

46. Any little kid would adore a cake of Cookie Monster.

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Okay, this one is freaky. Seriously, that looks nothing like Cookie Monster. More like Grover with rabies.

47. A-Rod’s cookie cake is a pizza.

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Not that A-Rod. Still, a pepperoni pizza it does not resemble in the least. The red icing bits aren’t flat circles.

48. A lot of kids love a Minecraft cake.

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Not that A-Rod. Still, a pepperoni pizza it does not resemble in the least. The red icing bits aren’t flat circles.

49. A girl hunter might prefer a pink camo cake.

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Seems like someone didn’t know how to put them together. Hope my neighbors’ granddaughter never gets one like this.

50. You can see how many little girls want an Elsa birthday cake.

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Though I really don’t care for hat hair. Seriously, Elsa’s hair looks like it’s made from Cool-Whip. Doesn’t look good.

51. After 60, it all goes downhill.

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Yes, someone wrote that inscription while that cake’s upside down. So that’s why the balloons look like that.

52. A minion cake on the beach might be great for a kid’s party.

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Still, the beach the seems to have a rather phallic disposition. Hope the parents can get a laugh out of that.

53. A first birthday cake should always be simple.

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Yet, the balloons apparently resemble sperm. Sure it’s for a boy, but it’s pretty inappropriate.

54. Apparently, placement is the key.

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Okay, maybe not. But the cake can use some spell check. Also, it’s in pink icing.

55. Seems like you can find a birthday cake of Jabba the Hutt.

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Uh, Jabba doesn’t look like that. He’s much more disgusting. Also, can we rather have a cake where Leia strangles him with a chain? Since that’s far more satisfying.

56. Kids might enjoy a cake of SpongeBob SquarePants.

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What are those white cactus creatures doing here? Are they ghosts? Is SpongeBob’s ocean haunted? Oh, wait, this used to be a Halloween cake.

57. I guess this kid gets beat up in school all the time.

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I’m sure the kid’s name is Peter. But I hope this cake wasn’t for a kiddie party. Because he’ll never live it down.

58. I wonder who Sticks is.

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I’m they wanted “Happy Birthday” sticks on the cupcakes. But they got this instead for some reason.

59. All right, who’s Jocklyn?

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I’m sure it’s supposed to be “Jocelyn” or “Jacklyn.” Apparently, this decorator didn’t know which name to use. So we get this.

60. Always wish the birthday girl happiness.

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Yet, this one says, “Ha’ penis.” Let’s hope she’s not a lesbian for obvious reasons.

61. Kerri wanted a Mercedes cake.

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Well, this doesn’t resemble the logo. More like an unfinished peace sign. Yeah, you have to have the slices be all equal and in silver.

62. Hello Kitty is always a popular choice.

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But this more or less resembles a melted snowman with spray paint. Not the Japanese cartoon icon.

63. Donald thinks dragons are cool.

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This dragon looks pretty lame since it doesn’t dazzle with ferocity. More like a snake with spikes.

64. Of course, people can sometimes forget your birthday.

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Guess this is a workplace. Still, did anyone have to rub it in their face that nobody cared about their birthday? Seems kind of mean-spirited.

65. Kind of a frilly birthday cake for a guy named Bob.

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Actually, it’s supposed to say, “Mom.” Yeah, someone really screwed up here.

66. So how old is Dad supposed to be?

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Because I don’t think he’s 10. Unless the people buying this cake are his pets or toys. Seriously, why?

67. Ranger Bud Yee Haw has a thing for flowers.

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Actually that’s a leftover Easter cake made into a birthday one. But the inscription is kind of hilarious. Also, this was supposed to be cowboy-themed.

68. Got to know where to put the words.

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You can see words, “On the top” and “Below.” Kind of ruins the effect, doesn’t it?

69. This Flash themed cake is rather minimalistic.

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This one has a lightning bolt slicing the name Connor. Nothing else.

70. Perhaps a young girl would like a butterfly cake.

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Okay, the butterfly body resembles a turd. Let’s hope the little birthday girl doesn’t notice.

71. Nothing like a cake celebrating your legal eligibility.

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Actually the age of consent is 18. Still, this kind of gives a rather disturbing vibe. Seriously, what the fuck?

72. Arthur wanted a Mercedes Benz cake for his birthday.

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Now this is the kind of 60’s hippie party cake I’m talking about. Okay, the logos don’t quite look like peace signs. Yet, it’s probably not what this guy wanted.

73. Someone wanted a My Little Pony cake.

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And they didn’t get what they wanted. Since this cake just says, “My Little Pony.”

74. How about a birthday cake text exchange?

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Seriously, is this really necessary? What if it says anything embarrassing?

75. Any boy would love an Avengers birthday cake.

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What are Iron Man and Captain America doing with Jes- wait, that’s supposed to be Thor? Still, it looks like something a kid would draw.

76. How about a Batman cake?

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This one features a sad Batman with a weight problem. His hands are unusually large for his arms as well.

77. Best birthday wishes to Alex.

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Not sure what this is supposed to be. But it resembles a turd floating in the ocean.

78. Any girl would enjoy a unicorn cake.

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Yes, one with a long, stiff, and erect horn. Okay, the horn just seems rather phallic for some reason. Like it can double as a dildo.

79. Curt is 8 by the way.

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However, this one doesn’t necessarily say “Curt.” I’m sure the kid will have a lot of questions on that special C-word that’s an insulting slang term for female genitalia.

80. Everyone must love a Star Wars cake.

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Okay, this message isn’t really seem appropriate to a Star Wars fan. Also, the kid’s supposed to be 6. Why?

Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours on Christmas Memories (Sixth Edition)

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This is me and my sister Molly in a Richmond restaurant during mid-December 2015. My parents and I were there for her graduation from VCU. Now she lives in Charlotte.

Christmas has always been a time for family and cherished memories. But unlike what you might see in the saccharine Hallmark movies that I try to avoid, life doesn’t always go that way. The big city career woman may go back to her hometown. But it’s very unlikely that she’ll meet a rugged man she’ll fall for, save a local Christmas tradition, and ditch her big city career and boyfriend for that guy. More likely, she’ll probably find people who never left her hometown hanging out at the local bar, some of them addicted to drugs, drinking like fishes, stuck in some low-income job, and/or dealing with some family dysfunction. The hunky guy she meets will probably be her ex she ditched for some good reason and he won’t be a hunk. There probably won’t be some Christmas tradition that needs saving. And she’ll definitely not ditch her whole life and move back to her hometown because women don’t do these things without much forethought. Or she’ll move back, settle down with the guy, and take a longer commute to work. Anyway for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of awkward family Christmas photos. Enjoy.

  1.  This year, these workers lay on top of each other.
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Indeed, they all smile in their Christmas glory. Though I don’t think you’d want to be the woman on the bottom.

2. Apparently, this dad doesn’t know how to hold his kid.

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For God’s sake man, don’t hold the baby that way. That just looks like you’re asking to be put on a sex offender list.

3. When everyone blinks at the camera at the same time.

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Then again, that might be part of the act. But it still seems pretty weird if you ask me.

4. Guess this Christmas dinner didn’t go well.

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Oh, there’s a hole in the wall. No wonder Christmas dinner sucked this year. The Griswolds these are not.

5. Someone’s obviously not going for the holiday cheer.

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Greta stood with her arms cross giving an eye of disapproval to her embarrassing parents. Knowing that she’ll be the class laughingstock if anyone from school saw this picture.

6. Unfortunately, Dad had been involved in a horrible accident this year.

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Let’s hope he didn’t fall off the roof while putting up Christmas lights. Because that would be pretty embarrassing as those shorts he’s wearing.

7. “Here’s your Christmas present, Lindsey.”

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Let’s hope it’s a new pair of jeans. Because she seems to have busted the ones she has on. Also, the guy’s wearing shorts.

8. Sledding in a winter wonderland.

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Looks like Dad’s acid is kicking in. The look on his face makes him seem like he’s tripping balls.

9. Merry Christmas from the 1980s.

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Boy looks like he doesn’t want his friends to know that his dad’s got a mullet. And he’s thinking why can’t he have a less tacky haircut like all the other dads.

10. “Smile for the camera.”

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Apparently, some of these people aren’t smiling. Or smiling rather awkwardly like they’re posing for a school group photo. Yes, you can go through a lot of takes with that.

11. Unfortunately, photoshop wasn’t invented yet.

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Since someone has their hand out in this photo. Surely the studio could’ve just edited out.

12. When family drama becomes too much.

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Apparently, you’ll see people retreating to the stairwell at many Christmas gatherings this year. Particularly when Donald Trump’s impeachment comes up.

13. Maybe a large group picture with Santa was a bad idea.

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This is especially if some kids are crying. Still, you have to admire Santa taking it in stride.

14. Getting kids to pose for a Christmas card photo must be tough.

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These kids are supposed to sit lined against each other. But none of them want to smile for the camera.

15. No, Santa, that’s not how you hold a baby.

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Seriously, holding a baby by the lower chest just makes you look like a creep. For God’s sake, didn’t they teach you that in Santa school?

16. When you didn’t get what you wanted for Christmas.

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One boy’s crying his eyes out that he didn’t get the new Superman action figure. His younger brother puts his arms around his back.

17. When everyone in your family has the same hairstyle as you.

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Or have to pose for a photo you really didn’t want to be in. Got to feel for the guy in front staring at the camera.

18. Is this family fun time or a hostage situation?

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“Lexie, I don’t care if you hate Christmas music or not. You will sing carols with us and you will like it.”

19. “A deer leg? Just what I always wanted.”

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“Yes, Judy, it’s from that mother doe I shot earlier this month when we had that snow. Not sure where the fawn went.”

20. The more kids you have, the more you can use them for crazy photo ops like this.

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“Now, kids, I’d like you to form a human pyramid while I put lights around you. Tommy can hold the star on his forehead.”

21. When you want a nice wholesome family photo but everyone’s goofing off.

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The dad’s like, “What’s so funny? Why are Karen and Debbie laughing? What’s going on here?”

22. “You want to include the goat in the picture?”

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Yes, there’s a goat in here. The woman has a kid on her lap. The guy’s obviously kind of aghast at as if it was a last minute thing.

23. When you’re forced to pose in a photo with your sibling and in a similar outfit.

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And they’re in ugly sweaters, too. Guess some things never change when you grow up.

24. Am I seeing double or what?

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Well, this depicts 2 guys who are probably brothers wearing the same outfit, and enjoying some quality time with a cat. But one guy isn’t thrilled with the idea.

25. When your humans put you through a humiliating photo op for the Christmas card.

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Dog is like, “Kill me now.” Funny, how this couple’s actually from Pittsburgh. From what I can tell by the Steelers collar.

26. The family that smokes together stays together.

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Of course, a third of that family’s already dead. Due to lung cancer. Because smoking kills folks. Also, that kid with the cigarette really makes his parents look bad.

27. Rudolph, the Red-Nosed-giant hedgehog?

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It’s probably their pet photoshopped in. Because there’s no way in hell that a hedgehog could pull a sleigh. Let alone fly one.

28. When even the dog has to pose in the same holiday sweater.

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The woman’s like, “Is this really necessary? I understand us wearing the sweaters. But did we really have to have the dog wear one? Kind of ridiculous.”

29. “This year we decided to announce that Scotty’s joined the gymnastics team.”

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How else could the son pose in his leotard? Still, got to see the father’s shiny legs. Apparently they’re a thing in the Southwest.

30. Kids don’t understand hand gestures, I guess.

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And little Tony just flipped the bird at Santa. Probably has no idea what it means whatsoever.

31. In the Valley of the Dolls…literally.

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“I don’t want to go in there, Mommy. Those dolls scare me. Please don’t let them murder me.”

32. “Am I the only one to think dressing for the Christmas card was a bad idea?”

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You can see the Christmas tree doesn’t seem too thrilled being dressed like that. Probably knows he’ll be beat up in school if the picture goes out.

33. You’d think this was the family from We Bought a Zoo.

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It’s not. But they seem to have a lot of pets, including a duck and some parrots. Not sure if that’s too many.

34. Sometimes a Christmas photo op might cross the line.

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I don’t know about you. But a dad calling his wife and daughters “ho’s” isn’t a man you’d want to emulate. Also, I can really see the joke.

35. Merry Christmas from one of the families in Toddlers and Tiaras.

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Given that these girls resemble sexualized beauty queens, I don’t have confidence in this couple’s parenting. Seriously, kid beauty pageants should be banned.

36. “I got you a present, Marla.”

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“What is it Travis? Is the weed you’ve been smoking? The shrooms you’ve been taking? I really want to know.”

37. Christmas is often the most happy and jolly time of year.

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And this family doesn’t seem to be that. More like drinking co-workers at an office party who hate each other.

38. Speaking of office parties…

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Yes, that’s Dwight, Jim, and Andy from The Office. Note what’s on Dwight’s head.

39. Don’t pay attention to Mike. He’s just being weird.

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He’s the one with the weird mask. Or is it makeup? Either way, he seems straight out of a horror movie.

40. “Mommy, why did you let that scary man pick me up?”

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Man, that Santa mask is so creepy looking. More like a slasher horror movie. Can totally feel for the little boy.

41. A couple shot is always better with the family dog.

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This just reminds me of all those weird pictures from the 1980s we laugh at. Except it seems rather contemporary for some reason.

42. I’m sure this is either for a Christmas card or a dating profile.

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Celebrating Christmas alone doesn’t really seem right. You can see the desperation in his eyes.

43. When’s Santa coming down?

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Apparently, everyone in this photo seems to wonder that. Since the boy’s looking up in an impatient anticipation.

44. What’s with the navels?

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Says, “Jingle Bellies.” Don’t ask me what the hell that’s supposed to mean. Seriously, this is really fucked up.

45. Santa poses with some elves.

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Looks like it’s one of their vacation photos. I’m sure the Santa’s a mannequin.

46. “Mommy, get that scary man away from me.”

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Yes, that’s another bad Santa mask. And yes, that little girl’s incredibly terrified.

47. When you’ve been in a fight during the last holiday shopping rush.

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The woman also has some piercings. So it creates a rather awkward situation with the parents and grandparents.

48. Apparently, Sparky’s not adjusting well to the new baby.

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And you thought siblings were bad. Her the dog sits on the baby because it wants attention.

49. When you find out that Miss Piggy’s not wearing a bra.

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Piggy, please, cover that up. There’s a kid around. Seriously, have you heard about dressing in layers?

50. That’s a rather interesting gourd.

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Sorry, but decorative gourd season’s been over since November. Also, why did they paint a snowman and use it as a birdfeeder?

51. When you start regretting sitting on the scary man’s lap.

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Yes, the mask is frightening and unrealistic. But as one kid takes it in strive, his brother foresees a sense of nightmarish doom upon the horizon.

52. Do they know Santa’s in this very room?

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He’s basically right behind them near the tree. But the kids don’t really seem as excited as they should be.

53. Sometimes the shirt says it all.

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Here Santa wonders what kind of parents these kids have that their hoodies advertise a tobacco company. And the fact Marlboro has those hoodies in children’s sizes.

54. Sorry kid, but Santa’s had a too few many lately.

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Talk about a sketchy Santa. This guy’s totally loaded on something. What, I don’t know.

55. Dear Satan: Send me cash this Christmas.

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Talk about a sketchy Santa. This guy’s totally loaded on something. What, I don’t know.

56. When you’re a mall Santa who hates his life.

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You can see him hold 3 kids. Two girl cry while the boy sits quietly. And Santa gives a face of disgust over his duties.

57. Sometimes kids can be horrible spellers.

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The kid means “wrapped.” I know that the misspelling gives adults an entirely different image, which goes over the kid’s head.

58. That’s not where you want to smell that gingerbread man.

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Yes, the dog’s sniffing at Al Roker’s crotch. What’s funnier is that this happened live on network TV.

59. Christmas is always a cheerful time of year.

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Not in this family, apparently. Rather this is the kind of family that seems at each other’s throats. One guy’s probably a drinker.

60. Big sister’s not too happy with the new baby.

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Sorry, kid, but I don’t think Santa can send your baby sibling that. Because that’s not how it works. Also, tying up your parents in Christmas lights isn’t a good idea.

61. “Can I pose with my llama?”

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Girl must come from a farm. Since her dad’s also holding a lamb. Wonder what the photographer thought of that.

62. These guys can’t wait for Santa.

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So they’re awaiting his arrival in ducky pajamas. Know that these are grown ass men.

63. You’ll never guess who has a red nose and antlers in this photo.

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Mostly all the members save the father. But one of the boys knows this stunt is incredibly lame and wants no part of it.

64. “Let’s line up wearing our ugly Christmas sweaters.”

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The youngest boy feels like he’s forced into something he doesn’t want to participate in. But I’m afraid he’ll have to face the horror.

65. Girl sits beside a dummy Santa.

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Unfortunately dummy Santa can be just as terrifying as the one you see in the mall. But the girl doesn’t seem to mind. Mainly because she could beat up the doll when it goes after her.

66. When you find Santa totally wasted but must get that memorable shot of your kid.

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Kid seems rather anxious doesn’t he. Maybe Santa shouldn’t frequent the bars on his time off. I suggest he do a 12-step.

67. Peter will always stay true to his Snookums.

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And yes, I mean his cat with a little Santa hat. Though the cat seems to have other ideas.

68. Nativity displays should always be left to the churches.

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Because why involve your kids in a manger display if they won’t take it seriously. Still, kind of feel bad for the angel and you can see a hand.

69. There’s nothing like a Christmas in Antarctica.

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Because you wouldn’t survive without wearing heavy winter clothing. Seriously, this was obviously done in a studio.

70. Everyone should relish in the holiday cheer.

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You can see a couple of blase faces on the couch. Meanwhile two of the women are drinking from bottles.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree at the Ugly Sweater Party (Sixth Edition)

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Now we get to the ugly Christmas sweaters. What was once the bane of every holiday wardrobe has now become a must-have item for the annual office party. Sure, there may be the traditional fare like Santas, gingerbread men, wreaths, reindeer, Christmas trees, and more. But you’d also see plenty of pop culture stuff and other things. You might see ones for Star Wars, Star Trek, TV shows, movies, and some weird things like sloths, unicorns, and tacos. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of ugly Christmas sweaters. Some may not be safe for work or your family during the holidays. Enjoy.

  1. Go ahead, put that tongue on the flag pole.
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But you’ll have to call 911 if your tongue sticks on a snowy day. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

2. This Christmas, just let it dough with the Pillsbury Doughboy.

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Great to wear when making Christmas cookies. Like the row of croissants.

3. You’d be all lit for Christmas in this sweater.

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Though I’m sure it comes with a battery pack. Santa and Frosty seem to delight in it.

4. Drink up this holiday season.

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This sweater states, “Shut Up and Drink” in gold tinsel. And yes, there’s a beer can in holly.

5. “Fra-jee–lay. Must be Italian.”

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This is a leg lamp sweater. And yes, there are leg lamps from top to bottom. Hilarious.

6. Don’t be a grumpy cat this Christmas.

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Okay, this isn’t Grumpy Cat. But the cat doesn’t seem enthusiastic in a Santa hat.

7. Even sharks can get into the holiday spirit.

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Though I doubt they’d wear sweaters under the sea. One even has a present in its mouth.

8. Someone’s got blue balls this year.

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Well, frosty balls, anyway. Still, guys, please don’t wear this in front of your relatives.

9. Santa’s shown his crack.

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And it seems like he’s wearing a thong while leaving presents. Seriously, shouldn’t he wear something more comfortable? Spending that night sitting on his sleigh must make him sore.

10. This guy’s all decked for the holidays.

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If you don’t have a tree in your office, you can have Gary wear this sweater. And yes, it’s mostly in green tinsel with ornaments.

11. Are all these black cats looking at me?

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This sweater has all of them wearing Santa hats. Perfect for your local crazy cat lady.

12. Apparently, Santa’s a rather horny man.

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Okay, considering it’s a black Santa saying “Hoes, Hoes, Hoes,” there’s some terrible racial stereotyping. Also kind of looks pretty pervy if you ask me.

13. The Scranton Dunder Mifflin office doesn’t always hold the best parties.

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This is from The Office. Michael wears a Santa hat. Dwight wears an elf one behind the Christmas tree.

14. Substitute Teacher’s not messing around.

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He’s from Key & Peele. He’s an inner city school teacher at a white school who mispronounces his students’ names. It’s funny.

15. This guy’s up for any reindeer action.

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Except that reindeer don’t have horns. They have antlers that fall off after mating season. At least along the males.

16. Nike even has ugly Christmas sneakers.

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Normal tennis shoes are a must have. Ugly Christmas tennis shoes are a waste of money. Since you only wear them once a year.

17. May your Christmas be merry and Dwight.

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And yes, I mean Dwight from The Office. Beware of beet presents and bears at Schrute Farms.

18. Even dogs can enjoy the ugly Christmas sweater trend.

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The dog wears a reindeer one with glasses. And no it doesn’t seem happy about it at all.

19. The Abominable Snowman holds up the mistletoe.

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Wonder what kind of abominable snow lady’s he’s looking to kiss under it. Might want to try Nepal.

20. Those into slasher horror will want this sweater for the holidays.

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Sure, they don’t have much to do with Christmas. Includes Freddie, Jason, Mike Myers, and Leatherface.

21. Perhaps you can decorate your own holiday sweater.

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This one depicts snow, lights, and snowflakes with stuff you find at a craft store. Not sure if the sweater’s home made though.

22. Get lit wearing this Christmas tree shirt.

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And yes, this one really lights up. Comes with candy cane striped sleeves, too.

23. Make your holidays a colorful rainbow spectacle.

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Features a rainbow Christmas tree in shiny beads. Love the golden star on top.

24. A shiny penguin sweater will certainly suit you.

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Well, the penguin’s wearing a Christmas tree tie. Decorated with fake poinsettias, ribbons, and tinsel.

25. Perhaps you’d like a Krampus Christmas sweater.

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The Krampus is plush. And he appears rather phallic. So better not wear it in front of the kids.

26. You can be a bit sloth this holiday season.

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Well, this is a sloth ugly Christmas sweater. Because sloths are cute with their eyes and sharp claws. This one wears a Santa hat.

27. Care to wear a little black dress?

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This sweater dress is decorated with silver bows and tinsel on the cuffs and skirt. Snazzy isn’t it?

28. Green feathers always make a Christmas sweater haute couture.

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Kind of makes her seem like the height of fashion. If she lived in Whoville.

29. Christmas Grizzly always knows how to party.

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Because he knows when you need a cold one. Also, he’s supposed to be hibernating.

30. John Calvin doesn’t care much for Christmas.

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Ironic he’s even on a sweater. Because didn’t he not celebrate it? After all, the Puritans didn’t and they were certainly influenced by his ideas.

31. Feel free to don an ugly Christmas skirt this holiday season.

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After all, these ladies did. 2 have winter scenes. One has Santas.

32. Always got to dedicate Christmas to the birthday boy.

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Here this ugly Christmas sweater features Jesus Christ, our Lord. Of course, you don’t want to know what his Easter sweater looks like. Also, he wasn’t treated better than Donald Trump.

33. Are you on the Nice List or the Naught List?

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By the way, if you take green, you’re nice. If you take red, you’re naughty.

34. Yes, they have Christmas sweaters for couples.

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These two have Christmas sweaters with each other’s pictures on them. Isn’t that sweet?

35. Ho, ho, ho, DJ Santa’s in the house.

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Okay, I might want to leave the party right now. I can’t stand Christmas music. Seriously.

36. Tis the season for outlandish tackiness.

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The guy here wears an atrocious elf costume. The woman wears a Christmas tree sweater dress. Not sure who’s tackier.

37. This Christmas, there’s something you must know.

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This is based off a conspiracy theory questioning Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide. Still, the guy was a heinous sex criminal who deserved what he got. So can’t we appreciate that he’s dead?

38. It wouldn’t be Christmas without the Wet Bandits.

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Yes, they’re terrible criminals who you wouldn’t want lurking around your house. But after what Kevin McAllister does to them, I’m not sure whether to root for their doom or pity them.

39. Look, Santa Claus came in on his sleigh.

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Well, he’s dressed as Santa. And his sleigh’s featured on his Christmas sweater. Kind of crazy isn’t it?

40. Don’t forget to put on a pair of ugly Christmas heels.

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Decorated with bows, gold tinsel, and bells. May jingle when you walk in them.

41. Everyone wants a Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich Christmas sweater this holiday season.

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The Popeye’s chicken sandwich was a hot menu item this year. So much that many restaurants faced mass panic as soon as they ran out.

42. Bugs really don’t like this time of year.

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Because it’s cold and many of them freeze and die. But they’ll come back in the spring. I guarantee it.

43. You might want to wear this hat to go with that leg lamp sweater.

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Says, “Fragile” meant to denote the package’s contents. Or Donald Trump’s ego.

44. Who ya gonna call this Christmas?

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This one features the Ghostbusters logo in a standard Christmas wreath. like the rows of decor. So funny.

45. Look out, Trump Grinch is out to steal…..well, everything.

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Says that his hands and heart were 2 sizes too small. You might say the same about his penis and capacity for humanity.

46. Forget reindeer. Santa’s got his sleigh pulled by pterodactyl.

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Sure it may seem cool. But remember those prehistoric flyers have been extinct for around 65 million years. Sorry, kid.

47. She’s not a player. She just gets crushes a lot.

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She means while she lusts in her heart, she doesn’t pursue other men. At least when at least one of them isn’t single.

48. Christmas sweater for 4?

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I’m sure they’re wearing stuff underneath. Since you want your hands free and not be around the same 3 people all the time. So this is just for the photo op.

49. Someone’s dreaming of a Dwight Christmas.

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Still, would you want Dwight to be at your Christmas party? Probably not since he’s really weird.

50. Let me introduce you to Frosty’s alcoholic cousin.

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He’s Frothy the Snowman. A magical snowman with a penchant for beer.

51. Seek Yoda Claus, you do.

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Wears Santa hat and robe he does. Carries candy cane everywhere, he does. Go all over you in a lightsaber duel, he will.

52. Don’t forget to get dressed in your best Christmas suit.

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And this is certainly not one you’d wear for church. Seriously, people will get eye problems looking at it.

53. Let it glow with this reindeer.

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He’s even wearing sunglasses and a matching sweater, too. Like the lights on his antlers though.

54. This Christmas, Santa sleighs the zombies.

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Because zombie elves are no match for the big man in the red suit. Do your worst, you brain-eating undead corpses.

55. With Donald Trump, Christmas trees are fake.

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Still, even if artificial, this Christmas tree’s more real than Donald Trump’s business and political successes ever will be. At least the impeachment will stick on him for the rest of his life.

56. “Spank me, Santa! Spank me hard!”

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Yeah, I know it’s dirty. But there are some people into it. Still, don’t wear this sweater at the family Christmas gathering.

57. Ever see Santa ride a shark before?

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Probably not. But you’d never think Santa could hold a trident or breathe underwater either.

58. Work for Dunder Mifflin? You might want this sweater.

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It’s the paper company from The Office. There’s even paper clips on here.

59. Didn’t think Santa knew how to dunk.

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Here he plays some ball with Rudolph and an elf. And why’s the elf on a basketball team. He’s obviously too short.

60. Yes, there’s a short version for that suit.

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Don’t know why anyone would wear one. Since it looks utterly ridiculous if you ask me.

 

SantaCon Costumes Are Coming to Town (Fifth Edition)

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Now we get to the Christmas outfits. Midway through the Christmas season is SantaCon, a day long public booze fest and orgy that could land a child in several years of therapy. Seriously, if kids see a bunch of drunk Santas around, they’ll have a lot of questions parents won’t be prepared to answer. Like how much does Santa drink? How’s his marriage to Mrs. Claus been lately? And what the hell was Santa doing with that elf in aisle 5 at Wal Mart? Then you have cops who dread this annual debauched Christmas tradition that has started in the States but now has spread worldwide. Now I don’t recommend people to dress up like a Santa, drink a shitload of booze, screw a snowman in public, and get a great Christmas mugshot at the local police station. In fact, you can’t since it was last Saturday. But I do encourage you to look at these SantaCon costumes.

  1. These 3 elf ladies are watching you.
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Though these women are rather naughty. Since they’ll be frolicking on the streets under the influence.

2. These women are insulated in their own snow globes.

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These are made from plastic, by the way. Yet, they wear ugly sweaters underneath. One’s a Christmas tree. The other’s a snowman.

3. Gangsta Santas are coming to town.

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One wears a suit with Christmas trees and wreaths. The other wears a Santa suit. Both have gold chains around their necks.

4. Let’s all hear it for the birthday boy.

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This is a Jesus costume. Though it’s more appropriate for the Easter passion play. But you can’t revel in booze and orgies during that time.

5. Santas always love to party.

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One guy wears a white clown wig. Also has chains over his Santa suit and green shirt.

6. Black fur always brings winter glamor.

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Yet, the skirt is way too short. So if you wear it, put on some leggings as well.

7. She seems quite frosty, doesn’t she?

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Once again, her skirt is too short. And I don’t think the socks will keep her warm either.

8. She takes Christmas in jest.

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She wears a Santa jester hat and sunglasses. The sunglasses say, “Ho Ho Ho.”

9. She walks out in striped socks.

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And she wears a short Santa dress with straps. Will obviously wear a coat at SantaCon, don’t you think?

10. This elf’s ready to please Santa.

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Indeed, since her skirt’s awfully short. If it weren’t for the fake fur trim, she’d work as a stripper Peter Pan.

11. Mrs. Claus always knows what Santa wants.

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She wears a long red dress and a lace cap. And yes, she knows all about her husband, doesn’t she?

12. She must be a flashy nutcracker soldier.

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It’s pink, sparkly, and trimmed with fur. And I’m pretty sure it’s worn by a mannequin.

13. She’s looking for something naught this Christmas.

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Since her outfit seems to resemble some kind of lingerie. Also includes Santa hat.

14. Don’t mess with these reindeer does.

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They just wear makeup and antlers. All the rest is regular winter clothing.E

15. Even Mickey Mouse attends SantaCon.

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He wears a Santa suit with his trademark shorts. Not sure how he keeps warm.

16. This elf is ready to party.

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She wears a green outfit with hood and a green and red tulle skirt. Comes with matching red sunglasses.

17. Kids approach Santa and his gang in Hawaii.

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Well, this doesn’t seem too bad. Santa even wears shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, too.

18. She comes tight laced in her Santa suit.

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Well, it’s more of a leotard. Hope her black pants can keep her warm through the Santa Con revelry.

19. Care to smile for a group photo?

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One’s dressed as a firefighter. Another’s dressed as a snowflake queen.

20. Santa and Mrs. Claus know how to have a good time.

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He wears a Christmas themed Hawaiian shirt. She dons a long fur and velvet red cape. Both wear sunglasses.

21. Just hanging around at the bar.

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You even have a few wise men here. One waves a Terrible Towel for some reason. So is this Pittsburgh?

22. Santa hangs out with a chimney girl.

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Well, she wears an ugly sweater. But she has a chimney hat on. So I’ll count that.

23. One elf carries a large sack.

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The sack is in red and white striped colors to match his sock. Wonder what’s inside it. And do I really want to know?

24. Perhaps a gray Santa suit will do nicely.

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The guy even wears one with presents and snowflakes. She just wears a red Santa coat with a red strapless top.

25. Want to hug a Christmas tree?

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Though he seems more dressed like a Christmas shrub. Even has ornaments hanging on him.

26. Krampus comes to town looking for brats.

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But here he just wants to have a good time. And yes, he’ll scar some onlooking kids for life. Even if they have no idea who he is.

27. These girls just want to have fun.

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Some are dressed in lights. One’s dressed as Cindy Lou Who from The Grinch.

28. Everyone wants to party with these Santas.

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Both of these guys wear sunglasses, too. One even has a rather interesting and unconventional Santa hat.

29. A simple Santa dress will do.

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Still awfully short. But at least it comes with fur leggings on the shins. So that’s something, isn’t it?

30. Strapless is always the way to go.

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She has fur trimmed gloves, too. Though I’m not sure about the Santa top.

31. Santa and Mrs. Claus stroll into town.

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Well, they wear rather conventional Christmas attire like you’d expect. Though Santa does carry a walking stick and jingle bells.

32. My, that’s a colorful Santa.

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This one wears a pirate hat with a colorful beard. Makes me wonder if this Santa was at Woodstock.

33. Mobster Santa gives good kids an offer they can’t refuse.

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And for bad kids, instead of coal, he makes them full of lead so they can more easily sleep with the fishes. He also smokes cigars.

34. Merry Hipster Christmas like it’s anywhere near mainstream.

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Sure she wears candy cane leggings under her fur coat. Because that’s totally not mainstream.

35. These ladies love to go on the town.

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Yet, they don’t appear to wear much. Wonder if either are shivering since it can get quite cold this time of year.

36. Hipster Santa knows what’s hip.

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Okay, this is a woman costume. But it’s quite skimpy and not meant for incredibly freezing temperatures.

37. The Grinch and Max will show you a good time.

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Must they have sexy costumes for everything? What’s next, Donald Trump? On second thought, please don’t let there be a costume of that stinking cesspit of a human being.

38. This elf girl is all jingles.

She wears an outfit of green and red. While her reindeer friend walks behind her.

39. These 3 Santas crashed a Mexican tequila bar.

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Since they’re all wearing sombreros. Well, 2 wear Santa suits and the other wears a red hoodie.

40. This snazzy man hangs out with his favorite elf.

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He wears a Christmas tree tie and a light necklace. Also sports a top hat for flair.

41. Even a Christmas cowgirl needs a drink.

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Here she sneaks a drink into her red and white jacket. Also sports a red cowboy hat.

42. I believe they’re on the merry side of the Force.

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They’re dressed as Han Solo, Princess Leia, and Chewbacca. All in their Christmas glory.

43. These women are on the street in their pajamas.

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Kind of weird to see them like this. Almost reminds of what you’d see with People at Wal Mart.

44. Here’s a rather unique Santa.

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He’s go a Santa hat on with spikes. While he warms himself in a black fur coat.

45. Perhaps you’d prefer a black Santa outfit instead.

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She also has purple hair and fishnet stockings. Not sure if it’s winter weather appropriate though.

46. Someone’s riding Santa’s shoulders.

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Seems like it’s his lucky day. Okay, it’s just a costume. And yes, it’s rather freaky.

47. Seems Frosty doesn’t come with much this year.

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She wears a rather short outfit. Wonder if she’s got any white leggings with it. Since she’s bound to freeze.

48. These elf girls enjoy a morning walk.

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If they’re not having fun at Santa Con, they’re working in Santa Land. Both wear leggings of red and green fur.

49. You can’t go up any shorter can you?

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Is she one of Santa’s hookers? Since she’s wearing a bra with her red shorts and suspenders.

50. Want to see these Santa girls?

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They all wear fake leather skirts with fur trim. They also wear Santa hats and strapped tops.

51. Jesus comes out to celebrate his birthday.

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He comes wearing a birthday hat. While a star appears beside him.

52. This reindeer girl is eager to please.

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Has Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer glasses. She also wears a Christmas vest and Santa hat.

53. This man is in his full Santa revelry.

He’s only partially covered. But his Santa hat has a large jingle on it.

54. Come to the Island of Misfit Toys.

Two Santas hang out with Yukon Cornelius and the toys. Toys present are the doll, the elephant and the Charlie-in-the-Box.

55. She’s a toy soldier. He’s being carried by Santa.

She has a little drum to beat. He’s got a trophy cup to show off. Not sure why.

56. Get a load of these 2 gingerbread figures.

Both are in rather cartoonish figures. Also, why cover their heads?

57. Seems like Santa gets on with the Grinch.

Well, I’m sure Christmas may get to Santa once in a while. After he’s got so much pressure to deliver billions of presents in one night.

58. Want to pose with Krampus?

That’s a rather scary monster. But these women don’t seem to mind too much.

59. You can’t go tighter than this.

Hey, at least she’s wearing pants. Her cuffs and neckline is trimmed with white fur.

60. Sometimes a coat is all you need.

She only wears a belt. While her legs are covered in black tights. Hope they’re thick enough for increment weather.

61. Sometimes people even bring their kids.

This Santa brings his kid dressed as an elf. Despite that Santa Con is no such place for kids.

62. Found him with the dreidel girl.

Yes, Waldo can be everywhere. Even among Santas in jumpsuits and fedoras.

63. A Christmas suit always gets the girls.

His suit has snowmen, Christmas trees, stars, and reindeer. And yes, one woman wears a Santa dress.

64. Santa’s taking his elf places.

Is that a segway? Still, one elf rides in the basket. As Santa drives.

65. Hanukkah Man comes with his gift bag.

He’s even wearing his menorah hat. While he’s put on his Hanukkah shirt.

66. Santa’s the mascot of Christmas.

Well, he pretty much is. Yet, this costume depicts him with a cartoonish head you wouldn’t want to be caught dead in.

67. She’s the height of candy cane couture.

She wears candy cane tights with pink and red furs. Her tiara’s made from pink and red icicles and baubles.

68. These toy soldiers are proud to serve Santa’s Army.

Though you’ll have to wind them up before they can march off to war. And they’re currently getting crushed by global warming.

69. At Santa Con, the Santas run with Jesus.

And apparently, the Santas find it hard to keep up. Despite that Jesus only wears sandals but no pants.

70. Hipster Santas take Santa Con by storm.

Well, there’s a reindeer among them. But one wears a beard with braids.

71. She’s all set to frolic among the Santas.

She wears a red Santa dress with a jacket of pom pom fasteners. Though her skirt’s rather short.

72. Ladies and Gentlemen, the King of the North Pole.

He’s dressed in a mashup of Santa and Elvis. And yes, he’s brimming with rhinestones.

73. Mrs. Claus sure knows how to dress.

Indeed, she’s in a lovely outfit with poinsettia hair decorations. But the Santa next to her really creeps me out.

74. Gingy’s really enjoying himself.

Here he stands with Santa. Not sure what the other 2 are supposed to be. Probably part of some ice skating show.

75. She prefers the company of penguins.

And they’re dressed like costumed mascots. Unfortunately, they’re not affiliated with the Pittsburgh Penguins.

76. This Santa comes in support of his team.

Not sure where this is. Yet, one dons a jersey that he thinks go with his shorts.

77. Why so serious during this holiday season?

Yes, this is a Joker Santa. And he’s got lights on his beard. Nonetheless, please keep away from him.

78. Bet you’d want this hippopotamus for Christmas.

Well, he’s dressed as a hippo. But hey, at least he’s not as dangerous a real one that would tear you to pieces.

79. Want to sound the heralds?

Here she wears her cheerful attire and blows her horn. Also carries a sack over her back.

80. There’s a robot in front of the White House.

Well, it’s a snowman bot. And I bet its here to freeze the Trump adminstration during the impeachment proceedings.

The Sweet Candy World of Gingerbread Architecture (Fourth Edition)

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A key Christmas feature is the gingerbread house. In Hansel and Gretel, this is the fairy tale equivalent of a windowless van with free candy. Anyway, on these you’ll find stuff like gum drops you’d never eat, candy canes, icing, and more. For many families, it’s a Christmas tradition that stores often sell gingerbread house kids. Now I don’t usually show them because they’re quite standard and lack much originality. But for some repressed artists, these kits are just child’s play. When you Google gingerbread houses, you come to some elaborate displays at some of these contests. Obviously a sign that some people have too much time on their hands. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of sweet gingerbread houses.

  1. Every kid dreams of a candy castle.
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Has some ice cream sundae tower tops. Even has a fountain.

2. A modern dome house is the latest in gingerbread design.

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Doesn’t look like much. But it lights from a window from the inside.

3. Feel free to walk on the winter bridge.

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Comes with 2 lamp posts that light up. Has frosting on the railing.

4. You can’t pass by a colorful church.

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This one has beautiful stained glass windows. Love the candy cane columns and Christmas decorations.

5. Feel free to attend a holiday party at this large mansion.

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Or is it a fancy hotel? Has wreaths on windows and 2 chimneys.

6. Enjoy the romantic atmosphere of Venice, Italy.

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Yes, Venice is a beautiful city despite being the 18th century Las Vegas. But now it’s basically sinking and has recently experienced floods due to climate change. So enjoy this gingerbread replica while you can.

7. Perhaps you’d prefer a quaint Christmas cottage.

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This is in a more medieval fairy tale village design. Has lights on the roof and the wreath on the door.

8. Sometimes it pays to go big.

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This giant gingerbread house is from Disneyland. And yes, it’s got Santa on the porch roof.

9. Care to stay at a swanky inn?

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This is a beautiful establishment that you probably can’t stay in. Love the balconies.

10. Don’t forget to deck the halls.

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This house has candy cane columns and garlands at the windows. A Christmas tree sits on the balcony and a wreath hangs near the roof. So stunning.

11. Spend a weekend in the woods at Clear Moon Lodge.

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This one is made from pretzel sticks stacked against each other. A snowman sits in the lawn.

12. You’d marvel at this stone house.

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Okay, it’s covered in candy. But it’s quite huge and lights up from the inside.

13. Hop aboard this wooden gingerbread ship.

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However, don’t say I didn’t warn you about the cramped spaces and the smell of human waste and vomit. Seriously, wooden ships make Carnival cruise ships look like a pleasure ride on a bad day.

14. Take a stroll around the town.

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This one has a few store fronts. The toy store has a clock on the roof.

15. An ornate house must have some elegant decorations.

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The roof lattice is quite elaborate. Has wreaths over the top window and garlands on the railings and window frames.

16. A Victorian house can be especially fancy.

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This might be from a kit but it has intricate designs. A Christmas tree stands at the balcony.

17. A simple church will always do.

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This one just has a steeple. Wreaths deck the roof and door.

18. A winter castle is always a chilly retreat.

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This one has white chocolate flower pretzels decorated as snowflakes. Also has 2 towers in the back.

19. Perhaps you’d rather spend your Christmas at a simple brick house.

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The house is red brick and has dark shutters and white columns. A large Christmas tree stands in the lawn.

20. This modern gingerbread house has some state-of-the-art technology.

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This one has a brick chimney with some antennae. The windows have lattice in a diamond pattern.

21. You’d feel at home in this cozy Christmas cottage.

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This one has a cookie stone path and lovely decorations. The Christmas trees are made from ice cream cones.

22. This house features a Christmas tree in a window.

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This one has lovely lattice trim on the roofs. The tree inside even sports candles.

23. Care for a retreat to the countryside?

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Everything here’s made out of cookie. Even the trees and roof tiles. Also has icicles dripping from the roof.

24. You have to keep everything ship shape these days.

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Yes, this is another wooden ship. But it also has the sails out and it’s not as flashy at the previous one.

25. Feel free to stay at this treehouse.

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Seems like it’s a haven for gnomes. Wonder how many live there.

26. Nothing makes a trip to Philadelphia worthwhile than a trip to Independence Hall.

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And here’s the gingerbread version. And yes, the Declaration of Independence and the US Constitution were signed there.

27. Come on up to the tooth fairy’s house.

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You can see a toothbrush near the door. Ironic that it’s made from sweets.

28. Want to drop in to this Old West saloon?

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It’s pink with candy cane columns and cow horns near the roof. Comes with 2 singing cacti.

29. “All the world’s a stage….”

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This is a gingerbread Globe Theater that once hosted William Shakespeare’s plays. And for God’s sake don’t shoot any cannon in it or it’ll just catch fire and burn to the ground.

30. How about a chocolate White House?

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The gummies sit on the balcony. While candy trees surround it.

31. Stop by this black and orange house.

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Kind of reminds me of a dollhouse. Has garland decorations on the windows.

32. You’d want to stop by this fairy tale cottage.

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And it’s rather ornate. Hope the old woman living there isn’t a witch of some sorts.

33. Even the hotel is festive for the season.

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The porch railings are on both floors. Wreaths decorate the doors and roof.

34. Some homes can sport mean icicles.

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Okay, these are nothing and made of sugar. But you should see the ones at Saint Vincent College during the winter.

35. London is always a city of amusement.

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Includes a Ferris wheel with the Houses of Parliament. You can see some figures on the street.

36. Christmas is indeed a silent night.

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Yes, it’s another nativity scene. The roof’s made out of mini wheats and the back has fig newtons.

37. Santa’s house is a Christmas paradise.

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Is decked with peppermints, gumdrops, and candy canes. Has 2 red and green towers.

38. Spend the afternoon at a remote ski lodge.

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It’s even all decked for Christmas. Has candy cane columns. Like the large Christmas trees.

39. You have to come to this fancy house.

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This is a rather stately mansion. Has windows and balconies galore. So stunning.

40. You’ll see multiple Santas on this one.

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The structure features Santas in different colored robes. Pinecones decorate the building.

41. You’d think this place has gone to the dogs.

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Well, they call it “Snow Pet Country.” But all the dogs are shockingly white.

42. Someone’s gotten stuck in the chimney.

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So why does Santa go down chimneys? Can’t he just go through the front door like everyone else? Or does that attract suspicion?

43. Have a quaint Christmas at this stone manor.

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You’d almost think it was a rich person’s country cottage. Even has holly and wreath decoration.

44. Please visit this lavender house over the holidays.

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The fence is kind of interesting since it has lavender posts. Like the tower and balcony.

45. Some houses can really stand out in the neighborhood.

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I guess this must be some kind of medieval apartment complex. Though I don’t think buildings of that era had that many stories.

46. You might want to see the ocean view in this lighthouse.

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Well, the lighthouse is painted in chocolate icing. Not sure if the light on the tower actually works.

47. Every girl dreams of a fancy pink Victorian.

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And indeed, it’s an elaborate one at that. Even has a rose window.

48. A couple of gingerbread people visit the White House.

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You even see a couple of Portuguese water dogs in front. Kind of makes me sad since I miss the Obamas so much.

49. You’d love to wander among these tall pagoda towers.

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They’re joined by a bridge covered in the same candy and icing. An Asian twist to Christmas so to speak.

50. Anyone opting for a nice simple life in the Shire?

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It’s a cozy hobbit hole isn’t it? Got to love the chimneys. So quaint.

51. You might want a Christmas at this stately mansion.

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Just has decorations at the balcony and front door. Love the trees.

52. A large gingerbread house must sport many colors.

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This one seems like a lovely house of fun and cheer. Even the figures look happy to be there.

53. A simple barn Christmas can always make the spirits bright.

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The animals are gingerbread. The sheep are also covered in mini marshmallows.

54. Come visit the Christmas Bake Shoppe sometime.

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You can even see the cakes inside. The facade is simple with some Christmas wreaths near the roof.

55. A small cottage will always be within the holiday season.

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Man, this one has long icicles. Snowman and Christmas tree stand in the front lawn.

56. A purple Victorian always brings great tidings.

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This one has garlands in the windows and the porch railings. The wreaths are at the entrance.

57. Even a small house can give plenty of warmth.

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Well, this is a rather small house in a fantasy setting. And it seems like it’s cover in sugar.

58. You can see the cakes in this bakery.

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This one’s called the “Goodies Bakery.” And yes, the windows do light up.

59. Just a shack on the beach.

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While many are made from candy, this one’s covered in pretzels for windows, doors, and roof. Like the goldfish crackers in the water.

60. This Victorian is all decked for Christmas.

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It has icicles on the roof. Don’t want to know what could happen when those melt off. Like the decor though.

61. What goes on at this house is truly despicable.

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Okay, my mistake. This is Gru’s house. Here he’s surrounded by his 3 daughters and a multitude of his minions.

62. A simple yellow house will ring in the holiday cheer.

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The balcony is richly decorated. Love the lamp post in the law. So pretty.

63. No gingerbread house is too big to light.

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This one has plenty of snow on it. While it sports all kinds of windows on the facade.

64. You can go all around the world in this merry-go-round.

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The carousel is in the middle. While the sights are on the periphery. This one shows Paris, France.

65. You’ll find your way back to shore with this lighthouse.

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This one is covered in red and white candies. A wreath dons the lighthouse and cabin doors.

66. You might want to check out this stately mansion.

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Has a Christmas tree on the balcony. Strange it’s not decorated.

67. A tan brick Victorian townhouse is always nice.

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The balcony has green floors. Surrounded by green shrubbery.

68. Take a trip down to this blue house.

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this one has stones on the facade. The roof is covered with Chex cereal.

69. You’d adore this gingerbread doghouse.

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This is a rather small house. Decorated with red and green icing and sprinkles.

70. This yellow house can never have enough poinsettias.

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The poinsettias are all in boxes outside the windows and on the steps. Like the wreaths and Christmas trees.

71. Help yourself to this castle.

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Seems like it’s made out of stone. Has interesting gold tower tops and roofs.

72. Care to visit this large brick mansion?

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This one has 2 stories that include a porch and a balcony. And it’s all decorated for Christmas.

73. Stop by and visit Santa’s workshop sometime.

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This one makes toymaking for Christmas seem like a massive operation. Has 3 chimneys on top.

74. This house is bursting with flowers.

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The flowers are all on the roof and in all kinds of colors. So pretty.

75. You’ll find plenty of sweets on this house.

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This one has all kinds of cookies on the roof. Not to mention, ice cream cone treats as fence posts.

76. A stately home will always be ready for the season.

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Consists of 3 buildings with blue roofs. Like the Christmas tree and presents.

77. Care to come into this town cottage?

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The roof is covered with snow. Decorated with wreaths on the columns and the upper story.

78. Want to spend some time in Sweden?

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This is a gingerbread Sweden display. Its flag is even hoisted on a candy cane.

79. You’ll find this house rather minty this time of year.

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There are peppermints all over the roof. And yes, the fence is made from gingerbread, too.

80. Perhaps you’d want to stop by this rustic barn.

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This one has holly on the windows. The silo is covered with pretzels. The path consists of Chex.

81. This castle’s all decked out for Christmas.

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Has wreaths on all the towers. While it’s covered in green and red piping. So festive.

82. Perhaps you’d like to spend some time in a secluded cottage.

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Has a flower garden outside. The chimney looks like it was made from stones.

83. Hang around the farmhouse during the fall.

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You’ll find plenty of apple trees and pumpkins. A candy cane holds an American flag.

84. A gingerbread city’s always a happening place.

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This one’s got plenty of gingerbread towers. Love the rainbow lollipop on the castle. Or is it a cathedral?

85. It’s definitely a winter wonderland at this gingerbread White House.

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Sure it might not be white. But it’s covered with snowflakes. As Santa lands onto the roof with his sleigh and reindeer.

86. How about a gingerbread house with a black roof?

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The gumdrops are on the roof. Candy canes surround the graham cracker door.

87. A rustic Scandinavian house is just what you need.

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This one has 3 stories. There’s a tower on top. Like the trees.

88. Stop by the Ginger Snaps Bakery.

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You’ll find some cakes inside. Even has its own gingerbread house. So cute.

89. This chocolate house will bring in the holiday cheer.

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This one has a uniquely candy roof with chocolate chips on top. Wreaths deck the windows.

90. Seems like there’s a toy sale.

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The toy shop is rather small. But you got to love the Christmas tree inside.

91. You’ll find some of these gingerbread houses stacked on top of each other.

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Kind of reminds me of an apartment complex in Whoville. Love the candy and vibrant colors.

92. Spend Christmas at the hunting lodge this year.

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The antlers are made from pretzels. While a camper sits outside.

93. Make yourself at home in this pagoda.

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This one has a duck on top. Roof covered with icing. Ground covered with sugar.

94. You’re always welcome at the Hello Kitty house.

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She’s a cartoon character from Japan. Very popular in merchandise in the States.

95. Looks like a basilica has been snowed over.

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Or is that a cathedral? Still, you have to love the blue and yellow dome on the roof.

96. Don’t forget to stop by this building courtyard.

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This one must be for a college given the image on the left. Like the tree in the center. So pretty.

97. You can walk through this gingerbread house.

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Not sure if I’d want to go through a life size gingerbread house I could eat. But it’s sure a stunning sight to behold.

98. Seems like this bus is going under.

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This is a gingerbread version of a Pittsburgh bus sinkhole incident. And yes, it’s been parodied several times. Even as a Halloween group costume.

99. Enjoy a nice country Christmas at Mt. Vernon.

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You know, George Washington’s home. This one has farm animals in the courtyard for some reason.

100. You’ll find a castle like this once upon a dream.

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This is the castle from Disney’s Sleeping Beauty. Here Prince Philip fights Maleficent as a dragon.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas with These Village Houses (Fifth Edition)

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One of my favorite Christmas posts during the holidays are my Christmas village posts. Mostly because they feature a bunch of glittery houses that sometimes light up in the snow. You can see them on shelves, with train sets, or on table displays. Of course, I don’t have a Christmas village in my house because I live with my parents, don’t have the money for it, and am very stingy with my cash. Because after all, Christmas village displays can be rather expensive. Yet, while there are plenty of Christmas houses available, I usually feature the putz houses mostly since they’re made from materials you might find in your house. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of delightful Christmas village houses.

  1. A Christmas house can really use a tower.
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The place also has a column porch. The red bows are the only Christmas decorations present.

2. Is tinsel a kind of snow and ice?

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Apparently, it must be. Since it hangs on the edge of the roof and the chimney. Like the tree though.

3. A small white house is always nice.

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This one has a glittery roof with a Santa and snowman. Even lights up.

4. Perhaps you might prefer a light green house.

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Almost the whole house is green here. Comes with a bottle brush tree.

5. A glittery church should always dominate the village.

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The houses are made from porcelain and are painted. The church is putz. Love the gold tree.

6. A bright red house will always stand out.

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This one has evergreen garlands on the roof. Roof is covered with snow.

7. A white house can be quite classy.

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These 2 white houses have snow on their roofs. Has trees and a wreath on top.

8. You might want to go with a more rustic design.

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These buildings have pine cone roofs. The church has a wreath on the door.

9. Pastels will bring out the winter charm.

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The church has a white roof. The houses have all kinds of colors. Also have wreaths on top.

10. Perhaps a rustic cabin may better suit you.

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Well, one of them is a rustic cabin. Both seem to have wicked icicles on them.

11. Santa would love to stop by this house.

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This one is white with green and red trimmings. Has a snowman on the lawn. Love it.

12. Village houses always belong on a tree shelf.

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These have buildings you’d buy on Amazon. But the angel on top is amazing.

13. Snow covered roofs always make spirits bright.

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Well, these are yellow and white with trees and snowmen. One has a wreath on the top window.

14. A big yellow house always makes an impression.

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This is a large Victorian. No decorations but still glitters just the same.

15. A glitter house can come with all the bells and whistles.

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This is decked in tinsel, bows, and beads. Also comes with trees and the wreath.

16. A small white cottage is always nice.

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This one has a snowy roof and gold bottle brush trees. Like the snowman near the door.

17. Care for a house with blue shutters?

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The outside’s made from construction paper. Has evergreen decor on the windows. So pretty.

18. You’d almost think this was a real neighborhood.

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The houses are in rather realistic colors. Each one has a wreath, by the way. Though the neighborhood is way out of my price range.

19. A North Pole village can be just as magical.

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This might for a display at a store. Also comes with a cute little train set.

20. Is this a house, church, or barn?

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Well, it’s red like a barn. But the windows and tower indicate church. Okay, it’s a church. Or is it a house?

21. A teal blue house can always shine with a round yellow roof.

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The roof is covered in snow. The trees a decorated with lights. The snowman stands in the lawn.

22. Santa comes out of a bright red house.

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The house is richly decorated with holly and snowflakes. The sleigh is just outside.

23. Make sure the houses are in the Christmas spirit.

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One has a simple wreath. The other has lights and images of snowmen, candy canes, and gingerbread men.

24. A small red house will always do in the cold winter.

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Sure it doesn’t have decorations. But the bottle brush trees add a nice Christmas touch.

25. Make sure to make your barn festive for the Christmas season.

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This one has garland decor on the doors and a wreath near the roof. Wonder if the owners rent this place out for weddings and parties. Because I don’t think animals live there.

26. A modern house is just as nice.

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Though I’m not sure what to think of the decorations. Though I like the trees.

27. Pastel always goes well with modern design.

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Between these modern houses, you’ll find a 1950s style diner. Love the decorated Christmas tree behind them.

28. The teal house is trimmed with tinsel.

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The top roof has tinsel. The porch roof has beads. Also contains ornament decorations.

29. This house is quite festive.

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This one has a wreath on the top window. While the other windows have holly in the flower boxes.

30. You’re in for a real white out in this village.

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Since every house is white with glitter. Like the trees that light up. So magical.

31. A village is bound to spring up on the greenest evergreens.

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Since every house is white with glitter. Like the trees that light up. So magical.

32. A plain stone house will always stand out in the snow.

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Has green window frames. Yet, someone must’ve used a snow plow to clear off the front lawn.

33. A skinny townhouse can be quite fancy.

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This one is light blue with a blue roof. A white reindeer stands in front.

34. A light red house makes the season bright.

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This one has a gray roof with a wreath. Has 2 bottle brush trees and snowman on the lawn.

35. Must’ve snowed where this green house is.

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Has a wreath near the roof along with similarly decorated bottle brush trees. White reindeer stands on the lawn.

36. Glittery Christmas houses always sparkle.

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After all, nothing’s festive during the holiday season like glitter. The golden reindeer on the lawn’s quite glittery. Love the trees.

37. You can’t go wrong with a tall pink house.

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This one has a fence with candy cane posts. While Santa rides on a reindeer.

38. A deer lingers around a pink church.

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The church also has a gold roof and bell. While a wreath hangs at the large window.

39. Poinsettias always look great on a gold house.

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Well, the poinsettias are white. Includes a Santa with golden reindeer and trees.

40. White always appears to shimmer.

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Both have wreaths near the roof. The walls are made to look like stone on the church.

41. A green house is charming with a round roof.

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Well, the windows and door are brown. But it still lights from inside.

42. A green house can charm with a pink roof.

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The roof even has 2 chimneys. Includes 2 trees with a snowman sweeping the front door.

43. Red and gold make a fine combination.

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The house and chimneys are red. The roof is gold. Has 2 decorated trees in front.

44. A red house always comes candy cane fresh.

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There are mints on the roof and above the door. While Santa lands on the lawn with his reindeer.

45. There’s a polar festivity at this house.

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Since you’ll find polar bears on the front lawn. Blue holly’s above the door with a flower.

46. A pink house is just as sweet as candy.

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Has lollipop on the roof and fence posts. Snowman’s got a cupcake. So cute.

47. There’s something angelic about this house.

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Well, there are 3 angels here with cute creatures. The trees are blue while a snowflake sits on the roof.

48. Holly always belongs on windows at a green house.

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A snowman waves on the front lawn between presents. And yet, he’s transparent.

49. A gold house is always quite fancy.

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There are beads hanging from the roof. Santa sits on the lawn with some reindeer.

50. Hark! the herald angels will sing at this blue house.

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This is a cute little nativity scene. No shepherds or wise men. But you at least got a star.

51. You might find a few presents at this green house.

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Holly decks 2 bottom windows. The presents are in shiny wrapping paper and sit near the snowman.

52. You can’t miss this bright green candy house.

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This one has green lollipop and candy cane decorations. Snowman sits with presents wrapped in green paper.

53. Nobody can resist this candy cane house.

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This one has peppermint and candy cane decorations. Snowman stands near a couple of sleds.

54. A fancy blue and silver house can use a few shiny blue snowflakes.

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Each has a jewel on them. As beaded angels hang out on the lawn with silver wings.

55. A rich forest green house is always true to the season.

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Has 2 wreaths on the roof and above the door. Snowman stands with a teddy bear holding a present.

56. A bright green house can bring in the holiday spirit.

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Peppermints deck the top windows while a bow sits on the roof. Santa and Frosty stand on the lawn.

57. A white cottage is quaint with a green roof.

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Doesn’t have much decoration. But the trees will do just fine.

58. A modern house always shines with Christmas lights.

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The roof has white fuzz dangling with the lights. While a snow-covered wreath with a snowman sits on the front window.

59. Some Christmas homes are tackier than others.

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This one has a flamingo in the front lawn. Yeah, I know you’d think it was from Florida. Except there’s snow on the ground.

60. Santa would love this yellow house.

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Has a blue roof, too. Apparently, Santa hangs out on the front lawn with bottle brush trees.

61. Can’t afford a village house? Try a camper instead.

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This one is decorated with lights and has presents outside along with a deer. The lights also really light up.

62. You can always use a visit to the toy shop.

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It’s guarded by 2 toy soldiers. The roof is decked with lights.

63. A small blue house will do the trick.

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Has a pink fence that matches the window trim. The tree is decked with beads.

64. A blue house can also be quite fancy.

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This one has snow on the roof with a wreath and decorated trees. Like the white shutters and how the contrast with the walls.

65. A blue house always glistens with jewels.

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This one’s decked with jewels. While a snowman and a sled sit outside.

66. A train might come through this village.

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This one has more pastel buildings. While the trees are made from paper instead of bottle brushes.

67. Light blue brick always makes spirits bright.

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Well, the brick is etched in. Decorated with wreaths and trees. So pretty.

68. Santa’s visiting this house right now.

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So it seems since it appears more like a decoration. Has trees around the lawns.

69. A small pink house can be quite fancy.

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This one has an old photo. Also has a nice tree along with a sign saying, “Let It Snow!”

70. A Christmas village can always use a train.

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A lot of these village sets have them. Some even work. So charming.

71. There’s some snow on this barn.

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The roof and chimney are also trimmed with gold. Wait a minute, barns have chimneys?

72. This candy cane house is a sweet delight.

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Has candy canes on the fence and peppermints on the balcony. Snowman stands near a bottle brush tree.

73. Glitter always makes a house sparkle bright.

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This house is white with silver glitter. The golden wreath matches the bottle brush trees, too.

74. A light blue house will always impress.

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This one has a wreath above the balcony. While trees stand within the front lawn.

75. A blue house can always have a quaint red roof.

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Has a wreath at the door. Looks like a family’s bringing in their Christmas tree.

76. Santa stops by at a winter blue house.

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He comes in on a motorcycle. Packages sit at the front door. Wreath hangs near the roof.

77. A small pink house is all you need.

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Has a tower with tall windows and a gray roof. Deer stands in front lawn.

78. A pink and blue house will always please.

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This one has beads on the top window. While the trees are richly decorated.

79. A blue house can always have a rather quaint disposition.

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Has a deer head near the roof with a wreath surrounding it. Bottle brush trees sit in the front lawn.

80. A green house should always have red trim.

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This one has red jewels decking the roof with wreaths over the windows. Teddy bear hangs with snowman on the lawn.

81. A red house must have green window frames.

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Snow covers the green roof. Surrounded by berry branches and trees.

82. You can have a merry Christmas in a small frame house.