Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 30 Groundskeeper to Gamekeeper

As with all good things, they all must come to an end at some point. Of course, there are more professions that we idealized out there that weren’t as good as depicted. But we all have to stop somewhere. Nonetheless, when we nostalgize the past, we often ignore the aspects of life that was often more difficult due to lack of technological advancement that made our lives easier that we often forget that many jobs entailed doing things by hand which took longer and took a physical toll on bodies. The lack of scientific knowledge like germ theory made people in medical professions less able to diagnose ailments or treat them effectively. Not to mention, lack of sanitation often made things so much worse. While lack of safety precautions and labor rights made many of these professions much more dangerous and exhausting. Anyway, here are more historical professions and their dark realities.

291. Groundskeeper – In historical settings, you often see grand estates with well-manicured lawns and well pruned trees even when there are no efficient lawn mowers in the period like on Bridgerton. Yet, a groundskeeper’s life was a brutal slog. First, groundskeepers had to move stone, soil, and wood by hand or with basic carts. Mowing these vast lawns on great estates or cutting thick brush required scythes, sickles, and shears. Second, managing grazing livestock used to keep grass short (like goats and sheep) meant dealing with trampled turf and constant animal wase. Third, groundskeepers worked outside all day in the freezing cold, heavy rain, or blistering heat without climate-controlled relief. Fourth, dirty soil and rusty tools put groundskeepers at constant risk of deep cuts, back strains, blisters, and infections. Fifth, they had to deal with swarms of mosquitos and ticks along with spoiled or stagnant water features carrying illness. But at least it paid well, right? Actually, groundskeepers were paid very little for back-breaking work while their position as low-class manual labor with no career path or job protection. And if it’s America before 1865, guess who did the landscaping on these vast plantations. Yep, the slaves.

292. Furrier – In historical settings, you see rich characters wearing fur coats or fur trim regardless of era. But being a furrier who made those coats was not at all fuzzy. First, furriers used stale human urine to soften and treat animal hides. Second, they used toxic mercury compounds to cure pelts, causing severe tremors, tooth loss, and madness (which originated the “mad hatter”). Curing processes also relied on rancid oils and smoke that burned eyes and lungs. Third, workshops were tiny and filled with thick, floating fur dust and hair fragments that workers inhaled all day. Fourth, handling raw, unwashed animal hides meant constant risk of contracting anthrax or other fatal infections from livestock. Fifth, the intense, rot-heavy stench of decaying fat, blood, and urine permanently clung to furriers’ skin, hair, and clothes. Sixth, furriers spent hours hunched over a wooden beam, scraping rotting flesh and fat off wet pelts by hand using a dull knife. Lastly, all that soaking, washing, and wringing out heavy hides in freezing water ruined furriers’ hands and joints long before old age.

293. Minter – Today, we take our access to currency for granted. Yet, in the old days, someone had to make coins. But a minter’s life was anything but a cash cow. First, melting and handling gold, silver, and base metal alloys resulted in constant inhalation of toxic fumes and dust, including lead and heavy metal used in processing and refining. Second, striking heavy coin faces with a hammer day in and day out wrecked minters’ joints, arms, and hearing. While the intense heat from furnaces caused severe burns and exhaustion. Third, should a coin batch come out underweight or substandard, the minter was often accused of stealing precious metals or plotting fraud against the crown. Also, know that treason and counterfeiting laws were downright medieval so to speak. Convicted minters faced execution, hanging, or having their hands chopped off. Fourth, minter workshops were tightly locked, heavily guarded environments. Workers were treated with great suspicion and under close watch by royal sheriffs or officials as theft prevention. Finally, despite daily handling fortunes in gold and silver, working-class minters were paid modest wages and bore all the physical risks while kings and knights reaped all the profits. Guess literally making money wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

294. Plumber – In our age of indoor plumbing fixtures, the humble plumber has become an indispensable part of our daily lives. Yet, being a plumber in the olden days was no pleasant pipe dream. First, the word plumbing is derived from the Latin word plumbum meaning lead, which was often used to make pipes. Historical plumbers handled and soldered it daily, causing chronic lead poisoning, madness, and colic. Second, plumbers had no rubber gloves, face masks, or chemical goggles to block noxious waste or toxic fumes. While working with ancient or medieval drains meant direct contact with raw sewage loaded with cholera, typhoid, and dysentery. Third, before modern regulations (like those inspired by 20th century outbreaks), cross connections often mixed sewage right into drinking water lines. Fourth, transporting and installing cast iron or lead pipe components without modern power tools wrecked backs and joints. Lastly, crawling into unmapped, pitch-black cesspools, unvented outhouses, and rotting wooden tunnels meant risking cave-ins, asphyxiation from toxic gases, and vermin bites.

295. Goldsmith – No gilded display of massive wealth would be possible without the goldsmith’s assistance. But a historical goldsmith wasn’t all shiny. First, old gilding methods used a toxic gold and mercury paste. Heating it released invisible, deadly mercury vapors causing shaking, tooth loss, madness, and death. Second, workshops lacked proper ventilation so smiths constantly inhaled charcoal smoke, acid fumes, and fine metal dust. Third, fine detailed work under dim candle or window light ruined eyesight long before middle age. Fourth, working with literal fortunes made goldsmiths prime targets for violent robberies, home invasions, and kidnappings. Fifth, should a goldsmith shortchange a gold coin’s purity or crown plate, punishments were swift and brutal. These could range from heavy mutilation to execution. Sixth, every single microscopic gold speck was tracked. Losing even a fraction of a gram through an accident could result in debt or imprisonment. Seventh, long hours bent over small anvils and benches wreaked chronic skeletal and muscular damage. Finally, young trainees spent years enduring harsh conditions, low to no pay, and intensive labor just to learn trade secrets. Definitely no job for gold diggers indeed.

296. Basket Weaver – Basketry is an ancient art that’s present in most cultures and civilizations. But while basketry has long been seen as a hobby or cultural demonstration, making them for a living was anything but easy. First, splitting wood, roots, and willow branches by hand using teeth or crude blades tore skin and split fingernails. Second, bending over in awkward positions for 10-14 hours a day ruined backs, necks, and joints. Third, basket weavers developed severe arthritis, permanent calluses, deep cuts, and total loss of fingerprint sensitivity from constant friction against rigid, abrasive fibers. Fourth, basket weavers walked miles through swamps, forests, and thickets in freezing or scorching weather to find the exact right species of ash, oak, and willow. Fifth, they hauled massive bundles of green wood, boiled heavy vats of bark over open fires, and soaked materials in freezing water. Sixth, basket weavers worked long after dark by the dim, smoky light of coal oil lamps or candles just to finish quota, ruining eyesight. Seventh, although they spent days or weeks on a single masterpiece or utility basket, merchants and wagon jobbers often paid them mere pennies. Lastly, basket weavers eventually watched their entire livelihood get undercut and ruined by the invention of cheap, mass-produced metal pots, wooden crates, and wire baskets.

297. Civil Rights Activist – Those involved in the Civil Rights Movement during the 1950s, 1960s, and beyond have been enshrined as American heroes, particularly Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. However, to be a civil rights activist required the courage of a Christian martyr in the colosseum. Because they had to contend with a shitload of crap that so many don’t realize whenever MLK Day or Black History Month comes around. First, civil rights activists faced brutal beatings, police fire hoses, bombings, and assassinations. Second, they lived under constant chronic, severe stress and danger, similar to being in a war zone. Even though their activities mostly consisted of peaceful protesting against segregation and black disenfranchisement. Third, government agencies like the FBI subjected civil rights leaders to intense surveillance, harassment, and persecution. We should also note the fact that FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover was a white supremacist who saw civil rights leaders and activists as in league with Communists. And no, Martin Luther King was definitely not spared from this. Fourth, many civil rights activists lost their jobs, homes, or personal property for speaking out or trying to vote. Finally, they faced fierce opposition not just from opponents, but also from local communities and even their own families. However, the fierce opposition these people faced, their hard-fought efforts led to landmark civil rights legislation that we should never take for granted. While most of the activists who took part in it wear their time as a badge of honor, particularly Congressman John Lewis who showed up at a convention in an outfit similar to what he wore when he was nearly beaten to death on the Edmund Pettus Bridge.

298. Flight Attendant – When air travel began taking hold among the masses so did the rise of the flight attendant. But their lives weren’t always soaring through the friendly skies, especially since most of the early ones were women. First, airlines forced women to quit if they married or reached the ages of 32-35. They could also lose their jobs if they became pregnant or had children. Second, carriers enforced a strict whites-only hiring practice for decades. Third, airline companies regularly weighed staff and fired anyone who gained even a few pounds. While bosses checked flight attendants’ hair, makeup, and leg shaves before every trip. After all, marketing campaigns used staff as sexualized bait to attract male travelers. Fourth, crews hauled massive, heavy fiberglass bags before rolling luggage existed. Fifth, long international flights offered no designated sleep time while on duty. Finally, before the 1970s, cabins were filled with secondhand cigarette smoke while early planes experienced frequent, frightening mechanical bumps. That’s not even getting into the sexual harassment and uncooperative flyers these women had to face.

299. Acupuncturist – Today, acupuncture is a relatively safe form of Asian medical treatment for those who wish to avoid taking addictive pain medicine. But in history, being an acupuncturist was no easy feat. First, needles were made of thick bronze, iron, or stone and were reused across patients without sanitation. Not surprisingly, this resulted in severe bacterial infections and abscesses. Second, practitioners lacked precise internal anatomy maps, making deep needle insertion a constant hazard for punctured lungs or internal organs. Third, while modern acupuncture needles are of ultra-fine, flexible stainless steel, ancient needles were basically clunky lancets or long spikes. Fourth, despite being an ancient Chinese medical practice, acupuncture soon fell out of favor with changing dynasties and elites. In 1822, the Ching dynasty officially banned and removed acupuncture from the Imperial Medical Academy, labeling it a low-class or lost trade. Fifth, because treatments often failed or caused fatal infections, acupuncturists faced heavy legal and social retaliation whenever high-status patients worsened. Lastly, traditional healers were ranked below elite-scholar bureaucrats and faced constant pressure to justify their methods against competing philosophical and medical systems.

300. Gamekeeper – As a ranger on his employer’s property, the gamekeeper patrolled the grounds of a great estate. Yet, the gamekeeper’s life was far from that of Hagrid. First, gamekeepers patrolled vast estates at night, making them key targets for desperate or organized poachers armed with clubs, knives, and guns. Violent midnight skirmishes and bloody sieges were common, leaving many gamekeepers severely beaten or killed in the line of duty. Second, gamekeepers worked grueling, irregular schedules. They started at dawn to monitor wildlife and stayed out through freezing, pitch-black nights to catch trespassers. Third, daily tasks required heavy manual labor in all weather conditions, from intense predator trapping (using brutal gin traps) to breeding dogs and tending vast woodland stretches. Fourth, because gamekeepers enforced harsh, elite-driven game laws that criminalized subsistence poaching, local rural communities widely hated them. Finally, the rural poor saw them as wealthy landowners’ brutal enforcers, cutting them off from local friendships, trust, and community support.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 29 Sheep Farmer to Gardener

Landseer, Edwin Henry; Shoeing; Tate; http://www.artuk.org/artworks/shoeing-199734

              You may notice with these historical professions that working in agriculture was a grueling life that didn’t always reap big rewards. Dairy farming involved constant milking, no days off, and dealing with big animals that could kick you and sometimes suffered from labor and delivery complications. Pigs in ancient and medieval times were like Pumbaa on roid rage who wreaked all kinds of damage than the cute pink snout animals we think of today. While chickens could be wiped out by outbreaks or cold. Anyway, perhaps you’ve fancied yourself as a carnival barker telling people to step right up for the latest attraction. Maybe even saw yourself as a falconer working with majestic birds of prey. Or perhaps you may have imagined yourself as a pastoral gardener watering flowers. Here are ten more historical professions and their dark realities.

281. Sheep Farmer – Sheep farm often evoke quiet pastoral imagery in highland areas. But the life of a sheep farmer was anything but idyllic. First, sheep farmers faced freezing winters, flash floods, and scorching droughts with zero modern forecasting or emergency rescue. Second, sheep required constant monitoring day and night to prevent wandering or panic, leaving no time for rest. Third, cattle ranchers deeply hated sheep farmers, arguing that sheep ruined the land by eating grass down to the roots and destroying the soil. Cattlemen attacked sheep camps, poisoned water sources, slaughtered flocks en masse, and murdered herders during the range wars in the American West and Texas. Fourth, sheep farmers constantly dealt with gruesome conditions like flystrike (where flies lay eggs in sheep’s wool and maggots eat the flesh), foot rot, and intestinal worms. Fifth, wolves, coyotes, and cougars constantly hunted the flock, meaning farmers had to kill predators or lose their entire livelihood overnight. Lastly, processing wool, tending to sick, heavy animals required backbreaking manual effort long before mechanical tools or modern medicine existed.

282. Farrier – Farriers made horseshoes, which was a very underrated skill at the time we often don’t think about. But when horses were the primary means of transport, they occupied a major place of importance. Yet, their live was anything but a fun pony ride. First, working bent over a horse’s heavy leg exposed farriers to sudden kicks, bites, crushing bites, and getting trampled in tight stalls. Second, bending over hooves all day destroyed backs, knees, and joints long before modern medicine before modern ergonomics or pain relief existed. Third, farriers breathed in toxic, coal smoke, heavy metal fumes, and burning hoof in poorly ventilated, dark smithies. Fourth, banging a hot iron over a roaring forge required immense upper body strength. Fifth, historical farriers doubled as low-level vets, forced to treat gruesome wounds, infections, and lameness using harsh, unscientific methods like bleeding or toxic salves. Finally, working-class or military horses were often overworked, sick, fractious, making every shoeing session a fight with stressed and/or traumatized animal.

283. Carder – Before a wool could be spun, it had to be carded through. But the people who carded the wool often had grueling lives. First, hand-carding required scraping 2 paddle-like boards covered in sharp wire or iron teeth against each other for hours on end, causing severe muscle strain in the arms, wrists, and back. Second, workers in early mills faced damp, cold, and loud environments that bred illness and constant physical aches. Third, raw wool was heavy with grease (lanolin), dirt, dung, and burrs, meaning carders handled filthy, foul-smelling material before it was even semi-clean. Fourth, breathing in fine, floating particles of dust, dirt, and microscopic wool or cotton fibers ruined workers’ lungs for a long time. Fifth, the dense metal or nail teeth on the hand cards frequently slipped or punctured the carder’s fingers and hands. Sixth, carding was often regulated to domestic chores, low-paid cottage labor, or harsh youth apprenticeships (such as the famously brutal carding apprenticeship endured by a young Millard Fillmore), carders sat at the bottom of the textile production ladder. Finally, carding offered zero creative outlet or variation, just endless, unyielding strokes to untangle and align fibers for pennies a pound.

284. Grocer – In our modern lives, grocery stores have always been central to people’s existence more than any other store. Yet, in history, running a grocery store could be a very painstaking process. First, grocers had to scoop flour, sugar, and lard out of massive barrels and haul 100lb sacks a day. Second, unpaved dirt roads meant dust, mud, and street waste tracked right inside. Third, heaters ran on dirty coal stoves, covering goods in soot while mice and rats infested the food stocks. Fourth, keeping dairy and meat fresh was a constant, losing battle before modern cooling. Fifth, customers bought food on a running tab and rarely paid upfront, leaving grocers short on cash for months. And you think grocery stores are struggling to stay in business today. Sixth, grocers didn’t have self-serve aisles. They stood behind a counter all day running back and forth to pull every single item a buyer requested on a handwritten list. Lastly, every sale involved arguing over prices and amounts with picky shoppers.

285. Wheelwright – In historical settings, wheeled carts and carriages are often a common sight. But being a wheelwright was far from a smooth circle. First, fitting the metal tire required heating it in a roaring fire before it glowed, then racing to slam it onto the wooden frame before it cooled too fast, risking severe burns. Second, quenching the hot iron with water caused it to instantly shrink, crushing the wood into a precise “dish” shape. Any miscalculation meant that a wheel could violently shatter or warp. Third, hours of hand-carving dense hardwoods like oak and ash led to chronic joint damage, splinter infections, and constant exhaustion. Fourth, wheels were made entirely by “rule of thumb” and eye without blueprints. If the spokes were off by a fraction of an inch, the whole wheel would wobble and collapse under a heavy wagon load. Fifth, wheels had to match exact load rut measurements down to the half-inch. If a new wheel didn’t fit the regional ruts, it couldn’t navigate muddy roads and the customer would reject it. Sixth, rural wheelwrights were a “one-stop shop” expected to build entire carts, fix farm gates, and craft coffins as the local undertaker. Finally, making a single set of durable wagon wheels took up to a week of intense labor, keeping workers trapped in a cycle of heavy, repetitive manual toil just to make a basic living.

286. Carnival Barker – In historical settings, you often see the carnival barker shout to onlookers to step right up to see some major attraction in town. But the life of a carnival bark wasn’t all fun and games. For one, promoters and crew worked exhausting, irregular hours under harsh outdoor conditions. Second, compensation was low and unpredictable, heavily reliant on how a venue or event performed. Third, living on the road meant sharing quarters with little to no personal space or stability. Fourth, a single rainy weekend could ruin attendance or completely wipe out expected earnings. Fifth, most traveling shows offered little to no health insurance or safety nets if a worker got hurt on the job. Lastly, the constant moving and high-stress environment made it difficult to maintain normal relationships outside the carnival bubble.

287. Falconer – Falconry is often associated with the Middle Ages as a cool practice. Yet, being a falconer was never as great as it looked. In a sense, it was the avian equivalent of a dog trainer charged with training a wolf as a hunting dog for some wealthier patron. First, falconers had to carry raw, bloody meat and clean massive amounts of sharp bird droppings, living in a permanent cloud of musk, meat scraps, and urates. Second, training a wild-caught raptor required “watching” a process where a falconer must remain awake for days straight, gently touching or keeping the bird awake to break its wild spirit. Third, a single botched flight could mean a trained, incredibly expensive bird would fly away forever, ruining months of work or angering a violent, wealthy master. Fourth, raptors possess razor-sharp talons and crushing grip strength. A single defensive squeeze or panic response meant deep puncture wounds that easily became infected. Fifth, falconers were exposed to lethal avian diseases like frounce (trichomoniasis) and fungal infections that could spread or ruin the hunting season. Finally, under historical English rulers like King Edward III, stealing or accidentally harming a noble’s trained hawk could be punished by death or heavy loss of status.

288. Janitor – In American public schools, the chief custodian is often considered part of the institution and often the guy who’s been there the longest. Many are even paid better than teachers. But in history, being a janitor was worse than any clean up job. First, due to the non-existence of indoor plumbing and flushing toilets, cleaners had to manually clean heavy, reeking chamber pots and clear out primitive privies and cesspits without protective suits. Second, early cleaning agents relied on harsh, caustic substances like lye, ammonia, and strong acids that burned skin and damaged lungs. Third, workers scrubbed floors with their hands and knees with stiff brushes for long hours, leading to chronic joint damage, cuts, and infections without rubber gloves or proper boots. Finally, custodial work was seen as menial and degrading, paying next to nothing while forcing workers to remain invisible and except employers’ verbal and physical abuse.

289. Ferryman – When it comes to crossing a dangerous waterway, you often rely on a ferry. But the lives of ferrymen weren’t always smooth travel. First, before mechanized engines, crossing a wide river meant hauling heavy wooden boats across using hand-over-hand muscle power on rough hemp ropes or long wooden poles. Second, ferrymen worked in freezing winter ice, torrential spring floods, and baking summer heat, without any shelter on open water. Third, standing on wet, leaky wooden flatboats meant chronic joint pain, damp clothing, and high rates of illness. Fourth, fast-moving runoff, hidden underwater snags like submerged trees, and heavy cargo such as loaded wagons or livestock could capsize a craft in seconds, resulting in frequent drownings. Fifth, living at remote river crossings meant long, lonely hours with little human contact outside impatient travelers. Sixth, most local operators earned very little money, relying on small coins or barter from passing peasants or merchants. Lastly, the arrival of modern bridges and steam-power boats in the 19th century instantly destroyed the ferrymen’s livelihood, leaving many desperate and destitute.

290. Gardener – Being a gardener seems like a rather peaceful life on the estate since it often entails just growing flowers. But the life of a gardener wasn’t coming up roses. First, due to power tools not existing yet, every inch of earth must be turned using heavy iron spades, wooden plows, or hand hoes without ergonomic grips. Second, gardeners spent 10-14 hours bent double weeding, planting, and harvesting in the mud. Third, watering meant hauling heavy wooden buckets from distant wells or rivers by hand. Fourth, plastic hoses, drip irrigation systems, and quick fixes for blights like pesticides didn’t exist. Thus, gardeners had to pick destructive caterpillars, beetles, and hornworms individually by hand. Fifth, a single unexpected frost, drought or hailstorm could wipe out months of work and result in starvation. Sixth, professional gardeners on great estates were seen as low-level servants, working long hours for little pay. Finally, for ordinary people, gardening wasn’t a fun hobby like it is today. In fact, it was life-or-death survival. As failure meant no food for winter.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 28 Garbage Collector to Chicken Farmer

Of course, when it comes to certain professions, we often don’t see what they were like whenever there was a new technological breakthrough in its infancy. While regulations were slow to catch up. Early aviation professions were extremely dangerous, especially during World War I. Early electricians were said to have minimal training and a high fatality rate. While drivers had to bake in their vehicles during the summer because air conditioning hadn’t been invented yet. Anyway, here are ten more historical jobs and the dark realities behind them.

271. Garbage Collector – Before his assassination, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had gone to Memphis to support a garbage worker strike. Now while garbage workers are very essential to our society, the history of this job has always been a very dirty business. For one, the job was extremely dangerous. Workers shoveled and lifted dense loads by hand without hydraulic trucks or safety gear. They suffered from cuts and infections from sharp objects, broken glass, and rusty metal hidden in the muck. While workers fell from high carts or were hurt by unpredictable, spooked draft horses. Second, working conditions can be very disgusting. Collectors waded through rotting food, industrial runoff, and dead animal carcasses left right in the streets. Many historical sanitation workers (like medieval “gong farmers” or night soil men) had to shovel raw human sewage out of cesspools by hand in the dark. While swarms of flies, rats, and dangerous pathogens covered both the trash and the workers handling them. Third, due to the foul nature of their work, society treated waste collectors as outcasts. Finally, pay was extremely low, leaving garbage workers trapped in poverty with no legal rights or health benefits. It was for the last of these reasons why King was in Memphis around the time of his assassination. And let’s just say when garbage workers go on strike in your city, it’s a municipal nightmare.

272. Dairy Farmer – A dairy farm often seems like a place of pastoral peace with cows in the pasture, cute calves, and the regular milking schedule. But the dairy farmer life wasn’t anything to squeeze at. First, cows must be milked twice a day, every single day of the year, meaning no weekends, holidays, or sick days. Work started well before dawn like around 4 AM and ended long after dark, leaving little sleep. Second, before modern machinery everything from pitching manure, hauling heavy milk cans, and milking was done entirely by hand. Third, without refrigeration, milk spoils rapidly. If a storm knocked out the power, the transport wagon broke down, or the local creamery flooded, the entire day’s income was instantly lost. Fourt, working with 1,200lb animals in tight spaces meant frequent kicks, tramplings, and bone fractures. Fifth, raw, unpasteurized environments exposed farmers to diseases like brucellosis and tuberculosis directly from the herd. Finally, if you read any of the James Herriot books, you may be aware of all the life-threatening complications cows seem to have when they’re giving birth, which is often a high-stakes, life-or-death situation. And it seems like Herriot’s calls revolve around bovine obstetrics more than anything else.

273. Bellhop – In old movies or anything with a historical setting, bellhops are often a feature at any high-end hotel scenes. But their life was anything but a charming room service call. First, hotels paid bellhops little to nothing, forcing them to rely entirely on guests’ generosity. A stingy guest meant doing back-breaking work for zero reward. Second, shifts regularly stretched past 12-14 hours a day, 7 days a week with no safety nets, sick leave, or formal rest breaks. Third, before rolling suitcases and modern elevators, bellhops had to haul giant, heavy steamer trunks up multiple flights of stairs by hand if the cage elevator was broken or packed. Fourth, workers answered to “2 masters” who were often the tyrannical hotel manager who could arbitrarily fine them for minor mistakes and demanding guests treating them like servants. Lastly, bellhops were frequently young teenage boys (or younger) who were subject to harsh discipline and denied proper education or growth just to save the hotel’s labor costs. But as far as child labor jobs were concerned, at least it’s better than chimney sweep or news boy.

274. Ship’s Cook – Like a ship’s doctors and carpenters, a ship’s cook was an essential part of the crew. He may even be Long John Silver if you’re reading Robert Louis Stevenson. But not everything about a ship’s cook life was tasty. For one, before electric stoves, cooking required open flames or brick hearths packed with sand on a floating wooden ship. One large wave could tip the fire and threaten the entire vessel. Second, when the weather became rough and the crew needed warm food the most, lighting a fire was strictly forbidden to prevent disasters, leaving the kitchen completely shut down. Third, like Long John Silver in Treasure Island, cooks were often older or disabled sailors unfit for regular deck work, meaning men with missing limbs or chronic injuries were tasked with heavy lifting in tiny, rolling spaces. And to believe this is one thing that Robert Louis Stevenson got right. Fourth, supplies like hardtack biscuits were frequently teeming with weevils or maggots. While salted meats turned hard as wood and rancid during long voyages. Since meat was soaked in heavy brine, it also had to be soaked and boiled in already scare ship water just to become chewable. Fifth, if rations tasted terrible (which they often did due to spoiled ingredients), the hungry, miserable crew blamed the cook rather than the supply system. Finally, disgruntled sailors or strict quartermasters closely monitored the food distribution, placing the cook at constant risk of punishment or violence if morale dropped.

“Oliver Chase and his first lozenge machine. 1847. (Courtesy Cambridge Historical Commission)

275. Confectioner – In the popular imagination, being in a candy factory feels like being in a fantasy world thanks for authors like Ian Fleming and Roald Dahl. But the life of a historical confectioner was anything but sweet. First, they stood next to open coal or wood fires for hours boiling heavy vats of sugar syrup, reaching temperatures over 300 ºF with no ventilation or air conditioning. Naturally, confectioners suffered constant, painful molten sugar splatters sticking to the skin and burning deep. They breathed in heavy clouds of burning sugar, spice dust, and sulfur fumes used to bleach sugar white. While they hand-cranked, pounded, pulled, and kneaded dense candy masses by hand before heavy machinery existed, destroying wrists, backs, and joints. Second, confectioners colored vibrant candies using toxic heavy metals like copper (emerald green), lead chromate (bright yellow), and mercury sulfide (vermillion red) before safe food dyes existed. Handlers and makers routinely handled arsenic and copper-laced pigments, resulting in chronic illness or death on the job. Then there’s the fact that sugar, molasses, and chocolate production were associated with slavery. But that’s a different story.

276. Cabin Boy – In books like Treasure Island, being a cabin boy seemed like embarking on a great sea adventure. But the life of a cabin boy was far from those fun maritime adventure stories. First, cabin boys were the cook’s helpers and did every filthy, unwanted job on the ship that grown sailors refused to do. While older crew members and officers routinely punched, slapped, or caned them for the smallest mistakes. Second, the work requires them to be active 24 hours a day with very little rest. Third, on warships, young boys often served as “powder monkeys” running explosive gunpowder bags to the gun decks while under enemy fire. Lastly, should a ship sink and survivors drift in a lifeboat starving, maritime custom and desperation dictated that the youngest, smallest, and most expendable person being the first chosen to be killed and eaten. Guess who’d that be. Yup, the cabin boy. This famously happened to a 17-year-old cabin boy named Richard Parker in 1884.

277. Valet – In Jeeves and Wooster, Jeeves is the definition of a perfect valet or gentleman’s gentleman and was always there to get Bertie Wooster out of some unwanted romantic entanglement. But valet’s life wasn’t exactly what Jeeves embodied. First, valets rose hours before their masters to prep clothes, draw bath, polish boots, and heat rooms. They were on call 24/7, sleeping near or traveling everywhere with their demanding employer. Second, valets had to shave, dress, or tend to the personal hygiene and whims of spoiled, erratic aristocrats. Third, should a master’s cravat be tied wrong, his boots not gleam, or his gun misfire during a hunt due to a late cartridge, the valet took the fury. Fourth, valets lugged heavy trunks, booked transit on the fly, and walked through dangerous terrain or weather carrying heavy gear. Finally, although it was a top-tier servant job, it was difficult to move higher, leaving many stuck as permanent servants with no real future. Although if Bertie Wooster took a wife, Jeeves would probably receive a major promotion to butler. Given that the guy is so brilliant and indispensable.

278. Stable Groom – In a great house before cars, there always had to be stables and people taking care of the horses. But being a stable groom wasn’t all a roll in the hay. First, stable grooms had to shovel heavy, wet manure and soiled straw all day long, then “squaring off” muck heaps by hand to limit terrible smells and flies. They hauled heavy buckets of water and pitched tons of hay without mechanical help. In addition, they even spent hours scrubbing mud, polishing heavy leather, and cleaning carriages after every single use. Second, stable grooms worked before dawn until past 8 or 9 PM, only finishing after the master’s horses returned from late evening social outings. Third, stable grooms contended with large, high-strung, or frightened animals in cramped, dark wooden stalls. This put them at risk of getting crushed, kicked, or trampled with no access to medical care or workers’ compensation. They also breathed in massive amounts of ammonia from urine and dust from hay, resulting in chronic lung problems and tuberculosis. Fourth, stable grooms worked in unheated stone barns during freezing-cold winters with ice cold water that risked numb or cracked skin. Finally, stable grooms were often treated on the lowest tier of the domestic staff. While they often slept in the loft above the horses in the heat, dust and smell.

279. Pig Farmer – Pig farming is indeed a stinky business, especially since their feces stink more than their fellow livestock brethren. But in the past, tending to pigs was a true endurance test. First, pigs took months or years to grow while consuming massive amounts of food without producing milk, wool, or eggs in the meantime. Second, historical breeds closely resembled wild boars, featuring sharp tusks, bristly hair, and dangerous tempers while distressed or cornered. Less cute little pink snout and more like roid rage Pumbaa. These would be the pigs that the Prodigal Son was tending to in the parable from Saint Luke’s Gospel. Third, free-roaming pigs constantly wrecked fences, gardens, and town property by digging with their snouts. Fourth, medieval and early modern towns frequently banned or fined pig keepers because heavy manure odors were believed to spread plagues and fevers. Fifth, loose pigs could knock over people’s livestock, such as the famous incident where a runaway pig killed a French prince by colliding with his horse. Lastly, farmers had to trek deep into forests during autumn to secure paid feeding rights (pannage) for acorns just to keep the animals alive through winter.

280. Chicken Farmer – Compared to being a pig or dairy farmer, chicken farming is often depicted as a peaceful venture. But being a chicken farmer before the Industrial Revolution was one where you couldn’t count your chickens before they hatched. First, outbreaks like Newcastle disease or avian flu could wipe out an entire flock overnight. Second, without artificial heat or commercial feed, freezing temperatures meant chickens stopped laying eggs and froze to death. Third, since antibiotics and vaccines didn’t exist, chicken farmers were left helpless against common infections and parasites. Fourth, for a long time, chickens were secondary farm chores usually managed by farm wives for extra egg money, not a primary wealth source. Fifth, chickens relied on foraging, bugs, and kitchen scraps rather than optimized commercial feed, making growth slow and unpredictable. Finally, weasels, foxes, hawks, and raccoons constantly raided chicken coops, requiring nonstop vigilance and heavy fortification.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 27 Bus Driver to Florist

Some of these professions depict people who struggled to make the world a better place. Suffragettes went to great lengths to gain the right to vote even going on prison hunger strikes and resorting to acts of terror. Union organizers risked their jobs and their lives to encourage workers to stand up for themselves and strike for higher wages and better working conditions. While muckraking journalists went deep into the dark corners of society to expose abuse, corruption and whatever was wrong with society during the Progressive Era. Anyway, ever dreamed about being in an old-timey burlesque show? How about selling wares as a peddler? Or maybe styling hair in ways that defy gravity? Here are ten more historical professions and their dark realities.

261. Bus Driver – A bus driver is often a common sight in the mass transit world. But in the past, driving a bus was anything but a smooth path. First, older buses lacked power steering, requiring massive upper-body strength just to turn the vehicle around city corners. Second, drivers baked in uninsulated metal cabins during summer heatwaves and froze during winter because heaters were either primitive or non-existent. Third, solid rubber tires, stiff leaf-spring suspensions, and unergonomic or hard-sprung iron seats transferred every single pothole into the driver’s spine. Fourth, poor engine combustion and leaky cabin seats meant drivers constantly inhaled heavy clouds of carbon monoxide along with raw diesel or gasoline fumes. Fifth, shifts forced bus drivers to be on duty during morning rush hour, sit around unpaid for hours, and return for the evening commute, stretching the workday across 12-14 hours. Finally, bus drivers had to manually crank heavy starting mechanisms, shovel coal, tend fires in early heating systems, and manually handle heavy luggage or freight.

262. Burlesque Performer – In historical media, burlesque performers always seem like the equivalent of an old-timey stripper with some manners. Yet, the life of these women was no striptease. First, performers on the major circuits (like the Columbia and Mutual Wheels) didn’t just pop inside for a local gig. They signed on for a grueling 40-week continuous touring season. Second, troupes endlessly traveled by train from city to city, performing the same heavy routines over and over in shifting, often rundown theaters. Third, audiences during the heyday of American Burlesque were loud, demanding, and rough. Performers faced immediate hostility, jeering, booing, and objects thrown by unimpressed crowds if a show failed or failed to entertain. Fourth, dancers regularly endured physical discomfort from wearing heavy, elaborate costumes and high heels while navigating unsupportive or leering environments. Fifth, as the 1920s and 1930s shifted to striptease, local authorities and vice squads targeted theaters with continuous raids and obscenity crackdowns. Dancers walked a razor-thin legal wire where a single misstep or gesture deemed too explicit could result in sudden arrest for corrupting public morals. In fact, entire houses were routinely shut down by municipal orders (such as New York City Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia’s total ban on burlesque in 1937), leaving performers abruptly out of work. Sixth, despite entertaining thousands, working-class burlesque carried heavy social stigma, branding performers as “low class” and ostracizing them from polite society or their own families. Finally, economic exploitation by theater owners and producers meant that despite the physical labor and risk, the actual take-home pay for chorus and line performers was meager.

263. Hairstylist – Many historical media feature elaborate hair styles among aristocratic men and women, especially in the 17th and 18th century. But styling that hair was anything but a beauty sleep. First, stylists mixed and adapted 18th century hair powders made of starch laced with toxic minerals like white lead, breathing in dangerous dust all day. Second, ancient and Renaissance bleaching recipes forced workers to handle raw wood ash, lye, sulfur and quicklime, all of which ruined lungs and burned skin. Third, early commercial hair and scalp colorants frequently relied on heavy metals like lead acetate, causing chronic poisoning. Fourth, elaborate washed updos styled with animal-fat pomades became breeding grounds of lice, fleas, and dust, forcing clients (and stylists managing wigs) to contend with constant infestations. Fifth, infrequent liquid washing meant managing hair heavily greased, matted, and packed with old dry powders. Sixth, building towering Georgian or Ancient Roman structures required holding heavy styling tools and maintaining awkward postures for hours without ergonomic chairs. Lastly, working in small, closed royal chambers or early salons meant constantly inhaling heavy aerosols, burnt animal fats, and harsh chemical fumes.

264. Shoemaker – Then and now shoes were amongst the most essential clothing when it comes to getting from point A to B. However, the life of a shoemaker was a grueling one and they couldn’t rely on elves to help them. First, tanning and treating leather required noxious substances like urine, animal dung, and chromium salts, filling small workshops with foul, lung-destroying stenches. Second, shoemakers spent 14-16 hours a day hunched over a work bench, driving awls and needles with heavy force, ruining their spines and chests. Third, constantly working with sharp knives, heavy awls, and hot wax meant deep cuts, punctures, and chronic infections were just the typical week hazards. Fourth, despite needing high skill, most independent shoemakers lived on the edge of ruin, famously struggling to afford enough leather for the next job. Fifth, when shoe-sewing machines arrived in the 19th century, factory owners forced people into 16-hour workdays for pennies. Lastly, true master shoemakers who built new shoes hated being confused with poor, illiterate “cobblers” who only patched old footwear. Although both groups worked endlessly just to survive.

265. Cobbler – Given that mass production didn’t exist, cobblers served communities by repairing old shoes. But a cobbler’s life was a brutal one. First, guilds of elite shoemakers (cordwainers) legally banned cobblers from using brand-new leather, forcing them to patch shoes using scraps or old materials. Second, calling a master shoemaker a “cobbler” was a severe insult due to cobblers being viewed as unskilled, uneducated, and perpetually impoverished. Third, cobblers spent their days handling rotting, mud-caked, and sweat-soaked shoes worn by people who rarely washed their feet or changed their stockings. Fourth, working low to the ground on a simple 3-legged stool or hard bench caused chronic, back, neck, and joint pain. Finally, hours spent pulling tight stitches, hammering iron tacks, and slicing thick hide with razor-sharp knives meant frequent punctures, cuts, and repetitive strain injuries.

266. Peddler – Traveling from town to town with an array of wares one can’t do without, the peddler often makes a presence in much of the historical public imagination. But being a peddler of goods was a much challenging profession than it looked. First, peddlers carried loads weight up to 100lbs on foot across rough terrain for miles every day. Second, they walked through mud, snow, and freezing rain with no reliable shelter or waterproof gear. Third, they spent weeks alone in remote areas without any medical help should they fall sick or break a limb. Fourth, they risked attacks from wild animals, highwaymen, and rough terrain long before modern roads or police existed. Fifth, locals viewed outsiders with intense paranoia, often accusing peddlers of being spies, thieves, or con artists. Sixth, governments passed strict laws treating itinerant hawkers like criminals or vagrants, requiring expensive licenses that many peddlers could rarely afford. Finally, marginalized groups who turned to peddling for survival (like the Roma and Jews as popularly depicted) faced compounded discrimination and community shame.

267. Snake Oil Salesman – Although snake oil salesmen may be sleazy con artists, they’re always seen as people able to put on a show in the westerns. Yet, being a snake oil salesman was no easy con game. And despite the name, not all of these snake oil salesmen didn’t always promote snake oil, just quack medicine of dubious effectiveness. First, snake oil salesmen hauled heavy wagons of fake medicine across rough, muddy roads from town to town with no permanent home. They’d also be forced to move quickly because once people used the fake tonic, they realized it didn’t work and turned hostile. Second, snake oil salesmen also weren’t above performing outrageous stunts like handling live, angry rattlesnakes on stage during medicine shows just to draw crowds. Third, they risked tarring, feathering, or physical violence from furious locals and cheated customers. Fourth, they always had to watch out for local sheriffs or federal inspectors enforcing fraud and misbranding laws. Lastly, they relied on fake plant-in-the-crowd testimonials that could fall apart any second if a real doctor showed up.

268. Store Clerk – In historical settings, it’s not unusual to have major characters take a stint as a store clerk, especially when they’re first starting out on their own. Yet, being a historical store clerk was absolutely brutal. First, shops opened at sunrise and closed late at night, often leaving workers with 14-16 hour days. And you thought working an 8-hour retail shift was bad. Second, clerks had to stand all day on hard wood or stone floors, and sitting was seen as a sign of laziness. Third, due to the nonexistence of pallet jacks and forklifts, clerks had to haul massive, heavy barrels of flour, sugar, and crates of goods by hand. Fourth, stores lacked indoor plumbing, proper heating, or air conditioning, meaning clerks froze during the winter and sweltered during the summer. Fifth without modern vacuums and cleaning supplies, sweeping thick layers of dirt and scrubbing wooden floors was a daily, exhaustive chore. Sixth, many historical apprentices and young clerks lived in tiny rooms above the shop owned by their boss, giving them zero privacy and total control over their free time. Finally, bosses could fine or dock a clerk’s tiny pay for minor mistakes like being a minute late or showing a lack of extreme politeness.

269. Perfumer – Back when people rarely bathed, perfume was essential to help rich people smell their best within the palaces or country estates. First, perfumers had to hand-collect or process raw ambergris (whale gut waste), musk (from slaughtered deer), and civet (anal gland goo from caged, terrified cats), which all smelled rancid before mixing. In addition, perfumers also used heavy metals and poisons like lead, arsenic, and mercury in cosmetics and fragrances. Second, early European perfumers often started as leather tanners, soaking animal hides in urine and dung before trying to cover the stench. Third, perfumers had to crush heavy roots, resins, and flowers by hand in hot, poorly ventilated rooms with open flames and boiling vats. Fourth, breathing in pure, choking alcohol fumes, chemical dust, and strong floral absolutes all day long caused chronic coughing and lung problems. Lastly, being tied to royal courts meant that during major uprisings (like the French Revolution), perfumers were viewed as enemies of the people and symbols of corrupt wealth. So you can guess that many of them met their ends to the guillotine just for their profession alone.

270. Florist – In historical settings, florists often have their work cut out for them. Because who’s going to supply the flowers for all those balls, weddings, and funerals? Yet, a historical florist’s life was anything but flowery. First, flowers died fast because shops relied on cold cellars and ice blocks instead of electric coolers. Second, workers handled freezing water, thorny stems, sharp wire, and heavy dirt all day by hand. Third, many popular plants and dyes used in old arrangements contained toxic chemicals like arsenic and lead. Fourth, because Victorians used strict floriography rules, mixing up a single bloom meant sending an accidental insult instead of love. Fifth, at funerals, florists faced immense stress building massive, bizarre funeral displays under tight public judgment and scoring. Finally, florists could only sell what local greenhouses grew or what arrived slowly by train or wagon. Assuming the flowers would still be alive by the time they’d arrive.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 26 Taxi Driver to Suffragette

Suffragists parade down Fifth Avenue, 1917. Advocates march in October 1917, displaying placards containing the signatures of more than one million New York women demanding the vote. The New York Times Photo Archives

              When it comes to historical professions, what makes them terrible may not always be the job itself. Sometimes it’s the low pay combined with lack of labor rights and safety regulations. Sometimes it’s lack of technical advancement and investment in better infrastructure. Especially when roads were just muddy tracks. Sometimes it’s lack of scientific knowledge in microbiology and sanitation. Sometimes it’s even lack of standardized systems of weights and measures as well as certain instruments like measuring gear or thermometers. And sometimes it’s plain old discrimination. Anyway, here are ten mor historical jobs that actually kind of sucked.

251. Taxi Driver – A yellow checkered cab is an iconic feature of many cities that you see on TV and movies before Uber came along. But being a taxi driver in the past was one with a myriad of challenges. First, classic workhorse vehicles like Checker Cabs featured heavy truck-steering and powerful winter heaters. But they completely lacked air conditioning during sweltering summer shifts. Second, drivers worked grueling 12-hour shifts sitting cramped seats, leading to chronic physical pain, fatigue, and an inability to find safe public bathrooms during a shift. Third, night shift meant regular exposure to stick-up men, erratic passengers, and fare beaters amid rampant urban crime. Fourth, taxi drivers regularly faced moral and physical dilemmas in decaying cities, often refusing service or fleeing “off duty” when flagged near high crime neighborhoods. Finaly, by 1979, fleet structures shifted heavily toward cab leasing models classifying workers as independent contractors. Under this structure, taxi drivers began every shift in a financial deficit, forced to pay upfront daily lease and gas costs before turning a profit on long, exhausting hours. Today, we call such practices as wage theft. No wonder Travis Bickle didn’t go to therapy in Taxi Driver.

252. Standard Bearer – In historical films, standard bearers are often the guys who carried the flag on the battlefield. But a standard bearer’s life was nothing worth waving the flag for. First, enemy troops instantly targeted standard bearers because dropping the banner ruined army morale and signaled a loss. Second, holding a heavy pole, eagle standard, or large flag meant the bearer couldn’t properly use a shield or weapon for self-defense. Third, bearers had to walk right at the front at every charge to guide the troops through smoke and chaos. Lastly, losing the unit’s flag brought permanent disgrace to the surviving soldiers and ruined the entire military command’s reputation. No pressure. Thus, soldiers fought to the death around the pole because letting go of the standard meant total defeat.

253. Jailer – In historical books, movies, and TV shows, the jailer often looks like the cool guy a character had to get past once the found themselves in the slammer. But a jailer’s life wasn’t anywhere near the dream it seemed on the outside. First, outbreaks like typhus (known as jail fever) regularly killed both prisoners and staff working in close quarters with them. Second, dungeons were damp, dark, and filled with human waste, creating a breeding ground for cholera and dysentery. Third, jailers had no medical knowledge, clean water, or protective gear to stop airborne or waterborne sickness. Fourth, guards handled desperate, violent criminals without modern riot gear, tasers, or backup support. Didn’t help that jails held rebels, murderers, and thieves with nothing left to lose. While gangs or prisoners’ allies on the outside often targeted jailers for revenge or bribes. Fifth, historically, many jailers had to buy their position and pay for the prison’s upkeep from their own pockets. Jailers only made money if they could extort fees, food money, or bribes from prisoners or their families visiting them. If a prisoner was too poor, the jailer lost money keeping them. Lastly, if a high-profile prisoner escaped, the jailer could face heavy fines, imprisonment, or execution for letting them go.

254. Tinker – Since a lack of mass production made many practical items expensive, tinkers existed to repair small household items like pots, pans, and other metal goods as well as do other odd jobs. But a tinker’s life was one of great instability. First, traveling tinkers were seen as outsiders. Locals distrusted them, accused them of stealing, and looked down on their nomadic way of life. Second, tinkers walked long distances in bad weather carrying heavy tools and metal stock. Their camps offered little comfort, and they lacked safe, permanent housing during harsh winters. Third, tinkers relied on small-scale repairs of pots and pans or odd jobs. Pay was low and unpredictable, entirely depending on whether villagers needed mending and were willing to pay. Lastly, working constantly with scrap metal, toxic solders like lead, and crude charcoal fires exposed tinkers to dangerous fumes, burns, and chronic illnesses without medical support.

255. Cartographer – Maps are essential for our navigation throughout our history. But before aviation and GPS, making a map wasn’t at all easy. First, painters used deadly poisons like lead white, arsenic green, and mercury-based vermillion for map colors, often licking their brushes into a fine point. Second, drafting microscopic grid lines and calligraphy by candlelight or dim window light quickly destroyed eyesight. Third, surveyors gathering raw data faced extreme weather, malaria, hostile locals, and fatal accidents while lugging heavy brass instruments through swamps and mountains. Fourth, explorers regularly brought back false distances, made-up islands, or missing coastlines, forcing cartographers to guess. For instance, maps copied a fictional rumor of 250 years showing California as a great island because a 1510 Spanish novel said so. While printers refused to fix it. Note that no Europeans were in California in 1510. Then there’s the Mountains of Kong that appeared on many African maps for nearly a century until people actually went to where they’re supposed to be and found a plateau landscape instead. Fifth, pressures from map publishers meant you can never leave a blank spot, admitting you didn’t know meant making up sea monsters or empty space that clients hated. Sixth, kings and trading companies treated accurate maps as classified military weapons. Showing a trade route or shoal incorrectly on purpose was standard to trick rivals. But getting caught meant prison or execution. Seventh, the Church punished or censored cartographers whose work clashed with biblical literalism or traditional cosmological views. Lastly, print shops regularly stole finished maps, meaning original cartographers rarely made a fair profit and starved while pirate copycats sold fake editions.

256. Train Conductor – In historical settings, a blue-clad conductor always appeared on board to greet passengers before their journeys. But life for a historical conductor wasn’t anything you’d see on Shining Time Station. First, shuffling between heavy railcars to manually drop link-or-pin or early knuckle couplers meant crushed fingers, hands, or limbs were constant risk. Second, derailments, head-on collisions, and bridge collapses regularly resulted in fatal or life-altering crush injuries. Third, early operations lacked modern automated brakes, requiring conductors to climb atop swaying, ice-covered freight cars in the dark to manually crank hand brakes. Fourth, conductors worked entirely exposed to freezing winter blizzards, pouring rain, and scorching summer heat without climate-controlled cabins. Fifth, shifts regularly stretched 12-16 hours before Federal Hours of Service laws strictly limited consecutive duty. Being on the “extra board” meant being on call 24/7 with very little notice to report for a run, destroying any hope of a normal family life. Sixth, train crews spent days stranded away from home, sleeping in sub-par railroad shanties, flea-bitten boarding houses, or caboose bunks. Seventh, exposure to coal smoke, soot, and dramatic temperature shifts triggered chronic respiratory issues, severe joint pain, and profound exhaustion. Lastly, witnessing pedestrians of vehicles struck by heavy trains or unshielded rural tracks left many train conductors with unaddressed psychological trauma.

257. Shipwright – In historical settings during the Age of Sail, wooden sailing ships appeared as floating castles gracefully moving across the sea. Although history buffs see them as perhaps the worst cruise ship experience of your life. However, building one of these as a shipwright was a nightmarish experience. First, moving massive oak logs and timber hulls required raw muscle power, primitive leverage, and heavy capstans that could break bones if a rope snapped. Second, sub-workers like pit sawyers spent all day in wet, dark holes beneath the timer stocks, covered in sawdust and sweat while pulling hand saws upward against gravity. Third, heavy rigging, rolling timbers, and spinning capstan bars regularly crushed limbs and shattered ribs. Fourth, workers boiled pitch, tar, and sulfur caulking by hand, breathing in toxic fumes ruining their lungs and burning their skin. Fifth, shipyards were muddy, open-air, and freezing in the winter or stifling in the summer. Finally, despite needing elite geometry and woodworking skills, ordinary shipwrights earned modest wages while facing constant risk of unemployment between major contracts.

258. Wrestler – In some historical settings, wrestlers also make appearances alongside boxers. But the life of a historical wrestler was anything but glorious. First, promoters classified wrestlers as independent contractors, meaning athletes paid out of pocket for broken bones, surgeries, and chronic injuries. Second, wrestlers lived out of cars and cheap motels, driving hundreds of miles every single night between small towns. Third, wrestling matches were punishing, and performers often had to “receipt” or physically fight back against rogue opponents or tough guys trying to expose the business. Fourth, local promoters regularly skipped gate receipts, and because there was no centralized union or oversight, wrestlers were often underpaid or cheated out of payoffs. Fifth, should a wrestler fall out of favor with a powerful booker like Vince McMahon Sr. or Sam Muchnick, they could be blackballed from every major territory across the country overnight. Lastly, performers needed to maintain the illusion of wrestling’s authenticity 24/7 in public, risking violent confrontations with aggressive fans who genuinely wanted to prove the sport was fake.

259. Butler – The genial butler who’s been with the family for over a generation is a key feature in great house in many historical TV shows, movies, and books. Bonus points if they have English accents even if it’s in 1920s Duluth (unless they’re black) or commit murder. But despite his manners, the life of a butler was anything but genteel. First, traditional great houses mandated butlers to remain single. As servant marriage was seen as a distraction, an unwanted expense, and a risk for petty theft, Second, living at the workplace meant no separation between life and duty: they were on call constantly 24/7. Third, butlers had to maintain strict emotional distance from both the family upstairs and the junior staff they managed. Fourth, butlers were held entirely responsible for the behavior and mistakes of every junior footman, maid, and valet. If the silver wasn’t polished or a meal was late, blame fell on them. Fifth, long before guests woke up, butlers oversaw heavy lifting, cleaning, and the meticulous logging and decanting of heavy wine inventories. Lastly, every social misstep, a clumsy move formal service, or showing visible stress could result in immediate dismissal and a ruined reputation. Especially if some blackmailer shows up over your past show business career as a straight man for The Cheerful Charlies. And should there be a maid in the dining room, well, anticipate possible societal collapse.

260. Suffragette – Suffragettes were often the women out protesting for women’s right to vote, especially during the Victorian Era and the Gilded Age. In Mary Poppins, they’re often seen as a bit out of touch with reality but inevitably right. Yet, being a suffragette was anything but a cakewalk. And the struggle for women’s right to vote was an incredibly brutal one that should never be forgotten or taken for granted. For one, standing on public street corners to sell papers or speak left women exposed to angry mobs, physical shoves, and flying debris with no police protection. Second, activists were routinely spat on, pelted with rotten food, and beaten by hostile crowds viewing them as unmanly or dangerous. Third, when arrested for vandalism or protesting, suffragettes went on hunger strikes to demand political prisoner status. Prison guards pinned down women and shoved metal tubes or rubber hoses down their throats or noses to force food into them, causing sever physical and mental trauma. The government released starving, sick prisoners just long enough to regain their health only to rearrest them and repeat the cycle. Fourth, many people including women, hated the militant tactics (like breaking windows and setting fires) and blamed suffragettes for turning public opinion against women’s rights. Finally, working-class suffragettes faced harsher punishments and less legal protection than aristocratic women who could use their social status to ease their burdens. In America, we should also understand the racial tensions regarding the Southern suffragettes who wanted the right to vote but not for their fellow black women as well as the white leaders like Alice Paul caving to them and selling out black suffragettes like Ida B. Wells. But like union organizers, we should thank God these women did what they did to earn the women’s right to vote. And we all have all these women to thank for it.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 25 Streetcar Operator to Lens Grinder

              Many of these jobs you may see are servant roles since there were many of them in the great houses from the early modern to after World War II. There were so many different kinds of maids from scullery to lady’s maid. Cooks often supervised with cooking food for both upstairs and downstairs. While you also have your chauffeurs, stable grooms, coachmen, groundskeepers, and gamekeepers outside the mansion. Anyway, perhaps you imagined yourself as a Knight Templar going on a Crusade. How about a wayfarer? Or maybe a lighthouse keeper at some remote location. In this post, here are ten more historical jobs and their dark realities.

241. Streetcar Operator – In their heyday, trolleys were often a quaint form of transportation that went away far too soon and now only exist in San Francisco and the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. Yet, being a streetcar operator was hardly a grand adventure. First, streetcar operators worked very long hours and often went literal years without a single scheduled day off. Second, during the early 1910s, the average streetcar operator earned 19-20 cents an hour, making staying afloat a constant struggle. Third, streetcar companies kept high turnover rates and frequently used spies or secret riders to catch workers in “irregular activities” firing them on the spot without a hearing. Fourth, early trolleys offered almost no protection from the elements, leaving operators freezing in winter and baking in summer on open platforms. Fifth, standing for 10-14 hours straight while manually cranking heavy controllers and hand-brakes wrecked operators’ backs and joints. Sixth, driving massive, unyielding streetcars through chaotic, mixed dirt-road traffic of horses, pedestrians, and early automobiles caused constant near-collisions. Seventh, conductors had to deal with overcrowding, fare disputes, and unruly passengers face-to-face with no backup. Lastly, when unions finally unionized for basic rights, companies regularly held massive forces of violent strikebreakers, resulting in bloody street battles. And unfortunately, street cars would later fall by the wayside in most cities with the rise of buses.

242. Cook – In great houses and restaurants cooks often created dishes for those upstairs and downstairs. But a cook’s life in the olden days was anything but tasty. First, cooking meant constantly hauling heavy wood, tending open hearths, and breathing in thick, lung-destroying smoke in poorly ventilated rooms. Daily hazards without protective gear included severe burns, scalding liquids, heavy cast iron, and open flames. Second, every ingredient required manual processing from scratch. This means plucking poultry, grinding grain by hand, and chopping massive amounts of firewood. Third, urban historical cooks often faced ingredients secretly poisoned by merchants, such as bread cut with toxic alum or chalk, or cheese dyed with dangerous lead. Fourth, food preservation entirely relied on heavy salting, smoking, or drying, meaning cooks constantly managed near-spoiled staples and seasonal scarcity. Fifth, cooking and butchering residue soaked into skin, hair, and clothing, making the physical stench of the job a permanent personal trait. Finally, old cookbooks omitted temperatures, exact measurements, and precise timings, forcing cooks to rely purely on trial and error.

243. Scullery Maid – Amongst the cooks assistants is the scullery maid who often cleans the dishes. But the scullery maid was a miserable job for teenage girls, some even as young as 10-12. Not to mention, it’s the lowest, hardest-working, and dirtiest job in the domestic staff hierarchy. First, scrubbing pots, pans, and massive stone floors meant standing on thin wooden mats with freezing water constantly splashing onto their feet and skirts. Cleaning heavy grease and soot off metal cookware required caustic lye soap and sharp sand, which tore up their skin and caused painful sores. Second, before toilets, they’re tasked with emptying and cleaning the stinky chamber pots used by higher-ranking indoor servants. Third, scullery maids were always the first people to wake up in the morning, often lighting the heavy kitchen fires as well as the last to go to bed at night. Fourth, they received the lowest pay and took orders not just from the master and mistress, but also from the cook and other servants, too. Lastly, breaks were practically non-existent and scullery maids rarely ate with the rest of the staff because someone always had to watch the kitchen. But if you happen to serve a brooding impoverished aristocrat, you might find yourself as mistress of the house if you keep at it. Albeit if he catches you playing dress-up in his mom’s old clothes when you’re in your late teens.

244. Knight Templar – In the public imagination, being a knight templar during the Crusades seemed like being the ultimate crusader. Yet, in reality, it was one many wouldn’t wish for themselves. First, vows banned kissing any woman (including their own mother), eating more than 3 times a week, wearing fancy clothes, or having any personal property. Second, knights endured bloody frontline battles, heavy armor in hot climates, and high risks of slow, painful deaths from battlefield infections and disease. Finally, what brought down the Knights Templar was their tendency to loan money to certain people who were unable to pay it back. When King Philip IV of France was deeply in debt to them, he had them arrested on October 13, 1307, tortured into giving false confessions of heresy, and burned at the stake.

245. Wayfarer – In the public imagination wayfarers are often seen as brave adventurers. But the life of one was far from an exciting romp. Since it was a time when people rarely traveled outside their hometown unless they absolutely had. Or if they wanted to go on a pilgrimage. First, muddy tracks turned to deep ruts or swamps, forcing people walk 20-30 miles a day on foot. Second, due to lack of Gore-Tex or thermal gear, travelers faced freezing rain, scorching sun, and snow wearing heavy wool and leather. Third, travelers experienced constant foot rot, severe blisters, infected cuts, and ruined joints from carrying heavy packs without ergonomic support. Fourth, outlaws, corrupt local lords, and rogue soldiers targeted isolated travelers on lonely roads for whatever meager coins or clothes they carried. So always take a dagger with you and use the buddy system. Fifth, water sources carried lethal bacteria like cholera and dysentery, forcing many to drink weak small beer or wine instead. Sixth, inns were filthy, overcrowded, flea-ridden sties where patrons shared beds with strangers or farm animals. Seventh, strangers without local papers or noble patronage were viewed with extreme suspicion as spies, vagrants, or criminals. Lastly, local xenophobia meant wayfarers were often cheated on prices, denied help, or driven out of towns before nightfall.

246. Jockey – Given how widespread horse racing is and how much people like betting on it, jockeys have been a mainstay in our popular imagination. Especially in the lawn jockey statues in many people’s front lawns. However, historical jockeys had it particularly rough on the track. First, early tracks were uneven. Crowded pack riding led to catastrophic crashes. Riders regularly broke bones, suffered permanent concussions, and spent months recovering in hospitals with little to no medical safety nets. Second, jockeys faced strict, low weight limits and used dangerous methods to drop pounds. Riders frequently induced vomiting, used harsh laxatives, sweated out water in heavy wool suits, and fasted for days, leading to chronic fainting and long-term health damage. Third, in the United States, white jockeys actively bullied, boxed out, ran rivals into the rails, and struck black competitors with riding crops during races. Lastly, despite dominating early American horse racing (winning 15 of the first 28 Kentucky Derbies), black jockeys were systematically stripped of licenses, physically threatened, and completely purged from the tracks by the 1920s due to Jim Crow racism.

247. Footman – At any great house, a footman was a male servant who was meant to be seen. Yet, the life of a footman wasn’t one that Downton Abbey would depict. First, days began at dawn which was around 5 or 6 AM and regularly didn’t end until 11 PM or later after the master’s household finally went to sleep. Second, beneath the fancy clothes, footmen did the estate’s heavy lifting, carrying massive scuttles of coal up multiple flights of stairs, moving heavy furniture, and lugging multi-course silver platters. Third, early footmen sometimes worked as “running footmen” who had to sprint or jog alongside moving carriages for miles to clear obstacles, risking severe injury and exhaustion. Fourth, hiring footmen heavily depended on superficial traits. Employers judged men like livestock, requiring them to be well over 6 ft tall with well-shaped legs to look good in tight knee-breeches and silk stockings. Fifth, because footmen stood outside or walked with the family in public view, they were frequent targets of street bullies throwing mud at their white stockings or pinched their legs to see if they used padding. Sixth, footmen slept communally in cramped spaces such as the butler’s pantry and had almost no time off, personal life, or social autonomy. Finally, they faced constant micro-management and reprimands from the family and upper servants like the butler. While they were trapped at the bottom of the domestic hierarchy. But at least the job wasn’t as bad as the scullery maid.

248. Window Cleaner – With the rise of skyscrapers came the rise of the window cleaner. But cleaning windows in the past was nothing like having to clean an office building the local pigeons often used as a toilet. First, window cleaners balanced on high-rise ledges, wooden scaffolding, or hung from simple bosun’s chains without harnesses or modern safety anchors. Large wooden ladders were too heavy to carry, hard to set up on uneven city streets, and prone to slipping against wet or icy buildings. Second, cleaners worked in freezing winter winds, rain, and scorching sun while trying to maintain balance high above the ground. Third, before the invention of modern expensive poles and purified water systems in the mid-20th century, everything had to be hand-scrubbed up close. Since the efficient rubber-bladed squeegee wasn’t invented until the 1930s, drying relied heavily on rags and chamois leather. Lastly, cleaners scrubbed with basic soap, vinegar, or ammonia mixtures using stiff rags, requiring massive physical effort to cut through heavy urban coal soot and grime.

249. Lighthouse Keeper – In the public imagination, a historical lighthouse keeper is depicted either as a quaint family man living in isolation or as a complete nutter who lives with roommates who are just as insane. The actual life of a lighthouse keeper probably leans on The Lighthouse than A Light Between Oceans. First, keepers lived on remote, wind-battered rocks or tiny islands for months with little to no human contact. Since the light must burn 365 days a year, there are no vacations or trips off the rock. Third, fierce storms constantly threatened to wash away or batter the towers, causing severe mental stress. Fourth, keepers hauled heavy fuel supplies (like tons of coal and oil) up massive spiral staircases by hand. Fifth, they spent hours polishing soot-covered glass, scrubbing brass, and painting salt-damaged buildings. Sixth, weight-driven lens rotation systems had to be manually rewound like giant grandfather clocks multiple times a day. Finally, Fresnel lenses floated in liquid mercury baths to spin smoothy. Keepers unknowingly breathed in toxic fumes causing shaking, memory loss, and erratic “madness.” No wonder so many lighthouse keepers went nuts.

250. Lens Grinder – With the arrival of glasses, telescopes, and microscopes, glass lenses became more essential. But the life of a lens grinder was a brutal one. First, grinding glass using gritty quartz or emery abrasives released fine silica dust into the air, which workers breathed in daily. This caused severe lung damage and early death, famously cutting short the life of philosopher Baruch Spinoza who ground lenses as a day job. Second, hours spent squinting at tiny, imperfect refractions under poor lighting or candlelight permanently ruined grinders’ vision. Third, lens grinders spent days manually rubbing glass blanks back and forth against concave or convex metal tools called “laps” using progressively finer abrasive grit. Fourth, one small slip or uneven pressure while shaping brittle glass on a ceramic or metal wheel could shatter the lens instantly, ruining hours of precise work. Lastly, the meticulous process took hours or days per single lens, yet the finished product often suffered from optical aberrations due to primitive tools and inconsistent materials.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 24 Mechanic to Newsboy

You may notice that a lot of professions pertaining to the air and sea often tend to be not for the faint hearted. The Age of Sail may have been a time of wooden ships and iron men. But it also meant poor sanitation, bad medical care, terrible food, cramped spaces, rampant diseases, and plenty of things that could go wrong as well as plenty ways to die. Oh, and months away from sea possibly never knowing when or whether you’ll ever see your family again. Also, while movie wooden ships may be massive, floating castles, most merchant and passenger ships were actually as big as an average house in the suburbs. While early airplanes were practically flying death traps resulting in the deaths of many pilots. That you’d assume that the Red Baron’s guardian angel had been working overtime before coughing out from exhaustion. Because even the Red Baron eventually got shot down. Anyway, here are ten more historical professions and their dark realities.

231. Mechanic – Today, mechanics are among the standard people in anyone’s neighborhood who perform an essential service by repairing people’s cars. But their historical counterparts had it so much worse that you couldn’t blame them for overcharging. First, workers constantly breathed in toxic exhaust fumes, leaded gasoline vapors, asbestos brake dust, and heavily oil grime soaking into their skin. Second, body shops lacked modern ventilation, heavy-duty elevators, or ergonomic support, resulting in ruined backs, crushed fingers, and black-lung style issues. To make matters worse, garages had no climate control leaving mechanics freezing during winter and baking during summer. Fourth, fixing engine problems meant manual trial-and-error, reading dirty spark plugs, and listening closely to engine ticks instead of plugging in a diagnostic scanner. Mechanics and drivers also had to constantly file down ignition points, set mechanical gaps, and manually adjust carburetors just to keep cars running smoothly on a weekly basis. Fifth, old metal components rusted solid, meaning every single bolt needed a torch, brute force, and knuckles against sharp engine bays. Sixth, in a world without internet, tracking down rare replacement parts required flipping through giant paper catalogs or calling junkyards. If the part didn’t exist, mechanics had to machine weld a custom piece from scratch. Lastly, mechanics had to buy and maintain all of their heavy hand tools out of pocket, cutting heavily into meager wages.

232. Electrician – Today, when the power goes out and you need some wiring done, it’s always advised to call an electrician. Because doing one’s own electrical work is a very dumb way to die. But when electricity was just getting started, being an electrician may have been as dangerous as being struck by lightning. First, early electricians received minimal training and handled live wires with their bare hands, rubber cloth, or simple leather gloves. Second, in the early days of powerlines and urban grids, historical statistics suggest that up to 50% of hired linemen in some regions suffered fatal accidents or severe injuries due to lack of protective gear and protocols. Third, electricians had no reliable multimeters, circuit breakers, or standardized ways to know if a line was dead before touching it. Fourth, since early wire were insulated with cheap, rubberized cloth, cotton and tar which easily degraded, sparked, and triggered hidden fires inside the walls. Early residential setups like knob-and-tube wiring lacked any ground wire, so any fault or moisture could electrify whole building structures. Fifth, during fierce competition between direct current (DC) or alternating current (AC), grid standards shifted rapidly. Workers had to navigate chaotic, makeshift urban infrastructure packed with poorly mapped, high-voltage lines. Sixth, linemen and station workers regularly worked 12-hour days, 7 days a week whether in freezing rain, snow, and extreme heat for as little as 15-20 cents an hour. Finally, decades before modern safety organizations like OSHA existed, workers bore the full brunt of corporate negligence, directly leading to the bloody formation of early labor unions like the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers to fight for basic survival.

233. Nanny – Nannies in historical shows, movies, and books are often benevolent women who treat their employers’ children as their own. While magical ones like Mary Poppins even solve family dysfunction. However, being nanny was nothing like you see in a live-action Disney movie. First, nannies lived and worked in the nursery, usually located at the very top of large houses to keep children’s noise away from family. They were also cut off from the rest of the household staff. Second, while other servants may get an afternoon or evening off, nannies were on duty 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, sleeping in the same room or right next to the children to handle night wakings and illnesses. Third, while nannies were considered senior domestic staff and too high class to socialize with downstairs kitchen and house maids, they weren’t part of the upstairs family either. This left them with no peers, no romantic prospects, and very little adult conversation for months or years at a time. Fourth, carrying heavy infants, boiling endless loads of heavy cotton diapers by hand, and hauling coal up multiple flights of stairs to heat the nursery kept nannies in a state of chronic physical exhaustion. Top-floor nurseries were notoriously drafty and poorly heated, exposing nannies to chronic winter chills and dampness. Fifth, nannies did all the hands-on parenting such as the feeding, bathing, teaching, and comforting while upper class parents often saw their children in brief, polite visits. Finally, once the kids grew old enough for boarding school or governesses, the nanny’s job ended. And she was often let go with little security, forced to the children she raised as her own.

234. Gas Station Attendant – At old-time gas stations, gas station attendants always seem to hang around ready to fill your car. But the job was hardly what you might see in vintage postcards. In fact, it was more like being a waiter who pumped one’s car for worse treatment pay. For one, gas station attendants had to stand in freezing winter snow, pouring rain, or baking summer heat to pump gas. They were constantly exposed to strong, unhealthy gasoline fumes and chemicals like benzene all day long. All while standing on hard concrete floors for hours without breaks. Second, whenever customers yelled about high gas prices or slow service, gas attendants often took the blame. Even worse, people often either looked down at gas station attendants or saw them as invisible. Third, working alone at night brought real fears of robberies, violence, or dangerous drivers. Fourth, hourly wages were minimal with no tips or extra benefits for hard work. Lastly, workdays mostly comprised of doing the exact same minor tasks over and over again on long, dull shifts. Nevertheless, while this profession died out with the rise of self-service pumps, it still exists in New Jersey.

235. Milkman – In many old cartoons and movies, the milkman is as much a common sight as the postman. But the milkman life wasn’t like you’d see in a 1930s Warner Brothers cartoon. First, milkmen had to carry heavy crates filled with glass bottles up and down countless steps every single morning. Hazards included slipping on ice, wet steps, icy pavements during freezing winter mornings. They also had to face angry or aggressive dogs on customer properties. Second, milkmen began their shifts during the middle of the night, often at 2 or 3 AM to ensure fresh delivery before breakfast. So they probably didn’t have time to bang any housewives unless they had to go around to collect the bottles later that day. Even though there are plenty of jokes about kids looking like them. They also had to work through snowstorms, severe rain, and freezing temperature without modern climate-controlled vehicles. Third, milkmen had to chase down customers and carry large amounts of cash, making them robbery targets. Even though the bills were usually small. Lastly, they had to handle, wash, and collect heavy, fragile glass bottles from doorsteps. While this job would later die out with the advent of supermarkets and better refrigeration.

236. Truck Driver – When cars began taking the roads, trucks began to replace the horse team and wagons. Yet, early truck drivers didn’t have it easy during the early 20th century. First, since early trucks lacked air conditioning, proper heating, sound proofing, and comfortable suspension, drivers were constantly exposed to bone-rattling vibration and extreme weather. Second, drivers typically worked 14-18 hour days, sometimes even more without modern legal limits, forcing many of them to rely on dangerous amphetamines just to remain awake at the wheel. Third, constant exposure of thick diesel exhaust and heavy particulate matter severely damaged drivers’ lungs and heart over time. Fourth, during the early decades of motorized freight, drivers were often held personally responsible and forced to pay out of pocket for any damaged cargo during transit. Fifth, early truck drivers earned minimal daily wages despite doing backbreaking labor with little to no compensation for the endless hours spent waiting to load or unload. Lastly, roadside infrastructure consisted of dirty, unkempt gas stations with almost no food, sanitation, or resting amenities.

237. Dogcatcher – In the film Lady and the Tramp, the dogcatcher is basically a dog policeman that the canine characters often outsmart. But the life of a real dogcatcher at the time the movie is set was far from what anyone would wish on the dogs they caught. First, dogcatchers were typically seen as the absolute bottom of the political and social ladder, inspiring the classic insult that a disliked politician “couldn’t get elected dogcatcher.” Second, municipalities paid dogcatchers very little, forcing them to rely on bounty systems and fees to make any money. Third, because dogcatchers took family pets as well as often killed them or held them for ransom if owners couldn’t pay a fine, local communities deeply feared or despised them. Fourth, dogcatchers had to wrangle scared, aggressive, or genuinely rabid packs of roaming dogs without modern protective gear, tranquilizers, or professional animal handling training. Lastly, the bounty system encouraged corruption, leading some unscrupulous dogcatchers to resort to outright dog theft, frequently snatching pets off porches or out of open windows just to collect a reward or fee.

238. Sap Tapper – When it comes to extracting sap, many think it means tapping a maple tree and putting a small faucet and bucket over it. It’s not. But historical sap tappers didn’t have the sweetest life. For one, tapping happened in late winter or early spring when freezing nights turned to muddy, thawing days. Sap workers trudges through deep snow and icy slush carrying heavy loads. Second, hand drilling holes into dozens of frozen hardwood trees meant working outdoors in biting cold without modern thermal gear. Third, tappers hauled gallons of raw sap (which is roughly 97% water) manually from trees across rough forest terrain to central boiling camps. A single gallon of finished syrup required boiling down roughly 40 gallons of sap. Fourth, before modern tubing or tractors, sap was collected using yoke systems, wooden buckets, or sleds pulled through deep woods. Fifth, boiling down sap demanded massive wood fires kept burning day and night. Tappers slept near evaporating vats to stoke fires and prevent the batch from burning. Lastly, workers spent days hunched over boiling cauldrons in open-air or crude sugar shacks, inhaling heavy smoke or enduring intense heat while battling freezing drafts on their backs. On the bright side, at least this job is better than being a lumberjack.

239. Dock Worker – In history, dock workers were often the people who unloaded a ship’s cargo. But being one wasn’t smooth sailing, especially if you’ve seen On the Waterfront. First, every day began with men gathering in a semi-circle at the pier in the morning, begging a hiring boss for a day’s work. Bosses chose who worked based on kickbacks, bribes, or personal favoritism, leaving older or outspoken men to starve. If you were lucky, know that hours were often feast or famine. So it’s possible to work a grueling 16 hours and have no work for the next two weeks. Second, dock workers had to move hundreds of tons of cargo entirely by hand or with weak ropes and steam-winches. This cargo could comprise of timber, bags of grain, and barrels. Third, workers were routinely crushed by falling crates, dropped cargo nets, or slipped on wet, slick ship decks. Fourth, shoveling bulk materials like coal or grain meant breathing toxic dust ruining lungs with zero protective gear provided. Fifth, pay was low and erratic, forcing families into deep poverty and debt. Sixth, workers were sometimes paid in tokens or forced to spend their meager cash at high-priced company-run boarding houses and pubs. Lastly, port bosses deliberately pitted different racial and ethnic groups to prevent union organizing and higher wages. Although you could say the same about bosses in other industries at the time.

240. News Boy – Compared to most child labor jobs back in the old days, news boy doesn’t really seem very bad since it involves promoting and delivering papers. But if you’ve seen Newsies, it’s clear that these boys didn’t have it so great despite not being in as much danger as their peers (especially the chimney sweeps). First, children as young as 4 or 5 worked long, exhausting hours in all weather conditions from freezing winters to scorching summers, often without proper shoes or warm clothing. Second, carrying heavy bundles of papers resulted in chronic physical ailments, curved spines, sore throats from screaming headlines, and stunted growth. Third, meager earnings meant frequently skipped regular meals. Fourth, selling on a busy chaotic city street meant dodging speeding horses, carriages, and early automobiles or “flipping” moving streetcars to catch customers, leading to frequent injuries and deaths. Fifth, newsies faced daily threats of getting robbed, beaten by older street toughs or rival gangs, and harassed by police. Sixth, grueling schedules forced children to drop out of school, trapping them in a long-term cycle of poverty and illiteracy. Seventh, newsboys had to buy their newspaper bundles upfront from publishers with their own meager cash. If they couldn’t sell papers, they absorbed financial loss instead of the publishers. Lastly, publishers like Joseph Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst hiked the wholesale price of paper bundles during the Spanish-American War, squeezing children’s profits down to pennies a day and resulting into historic uprisings like the News Boys’ Strike of 1899.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 23 Roman Bath Attendant to Matchmaker

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Although it’s often assumed that married working-class women were often housewives who tended to the home and family, this doesn’t exactly tell the whole story. As you’ve seen in this series, working class women held many of these jobs regardless of marital status like laundress, spinner, camp follower, milkmaid, and more. Some even required them to have children like the job of wetnurse. While women settlers did much of the heavy lifting alongside their household duties, which gave rise to the idea of joint property ownership in the American West. Anyway, have you ever imagined yourself leading a wagon train throughout the Oregon Trail? How about a court jester entertaining royalty? Or maybe an old timey bush pilot in the wilderness. Once again, here are ten more historical professions and the dark realities behind them.

221. Roman Bath Attendant – In ancient Rome, the baths were often a major center for hygiene and socializing. However, being a Roman bath attendant was a miserable job which would make a teenager’s summer working at a public pool seem like a tropical vacation. First, workers maintained the underground hypocaust furnaces, enduring suffocating, scorching heat in cramped spaces to keep the water boiling. Second, attendants hauled massive amounts of firewood, water, and waste continuously throughout long shifts. Third, attendants used dull metal tools called strigils to physically scrape sweat, dirt, and rancid olive oil off patrons’ bodies. Fourth, bathwater was rarely changed, often turning into thick scum of skin oils, dirt, and human waste that attendants had to clean and wade through. Fifth, workers faced constant exposure to lice, intestinal worms, and fungal infections thriving on wet, warm floors. Sixth, most Roman bath attendants were enslaved people or poor laborers who had no legal rights and suffered verbal or physical abuse from wealthy, entitled bathers. Lastly, angry patrons often blamed attendants whenever their clothes or valuables were stolen from changing rooms by pickpockets.

222. Silk Farmer – Throughout much of history, silk was such a hot commodity in the western world that it led to the Silk Road as well as Eurasian trade during the Middle Ages. However, being a silk farmer was a much more brutal gig. For one, since silkworms ate constantly, silk farmers had to chop mulberry leaves day and night for weeks. Second, worm trays needed to be kept meticulously clean and warm. One little sick caterpillar could ruin an entire harvest. Third, during the final stages of caterpillar growth, families often worked in shifts through the night to feed billions of tiny, chewy mouths. Fourth, whole silkworm populations could suddenly die from bacterial or viral infections overnight, destroying a year’s income in hours. Fifth, cold snaps or wet weather ruined mulberry tree leaves, starving the worms or stunting their growth. Sixth, to harvest the continuous thread, workers plunged cocoons into boiling vats of water. These vats filled workspaces with the heavy, sickening smell of decaying chrysalis and boiling sericin glue. Lastly, reeling the fine silk required workers to plunge their hands into scalding water all day, leaving their skin raw, blistered, and scarred.

223. Olive Grower – Olives were a major industry in the Mediterranean world and olive groves are part of the pastoral aesthetic alongside vineyards. But working at a historical olive garden was nothing like working at the American restaurant chain. First, as an olive grower, you had to wait 5-15 years for newly planted trees to bear a useful crop. Thus, you often planted these trees for your grandchildren rather than yourself. Second, stripping tiny fruit by hand or beating branches by sticks took months of freezing, grueling winter labor, often stretching into spring. Third, if you couldn’t get your olives to the oil press quickly enough or if the oil oxidized in its amphorae, your entire harvest turned rancid and worthless. Finally, since mature olive trees took decades to grow, a single invading army, massive fire, or hard freeze could wipe out generations of wealth in mere minutes.

224. Book Binder – In historical settings, you’re bound to find yourself in a scene where there are massive libraries containing shelves filled with beautiful leather-bound books with gilded print. But a book binder’s life was far from a charmed one in a cozy library. First, book binders handled dangerous substances like lead, mercury, and arsenic used in pigments and inks along with corrosive acids for treating leather. Second, book binders used heavy beating hammers and screw presses for hours on end to flatten and compact paper signatures, causing chronic joint and muscle pain. Third, raw materials included animal hides (like sheep, calf, or goat skin) that usually arrived unwashed, stinking, and rife with bacteria or insect infestations. Fourth, young trainees endured years of unpaid, menial labor, often facing physical abuse from masters while sleeping on the shop floor. Sixth, despite the high skill requiring to sew, glue, round spines, and tool leather, most independent book binders earned very little. Finally, boiling animal-skin glues and scraping leather or parchment filled tiny workshops with choking fumes and dust.

225. Moneylender – In The Merchant of Venice, we find the Jewish character of the moneylender Shylock who was originally seen as the villain but ended up as the guy modern audiences usually root for. While many modern actors dream of playing him. But being a moneylender was no less different than being a glorified loan shark. For one, major religions like Christianity condemned charging any interest on loans as a grave moral sin and exploitation of the poor. While famous writers like Dante Aligheri placed moneylenders deep in the circles of hell. So it shouldn’t surprise us that many of the small-time moneylenders we see are Jews like Shylock. Still, when it comes to medieval and Renaissance Christianity in regards of moneylending, it’s complicated. Because the Knights Templar were into lending money and so were prominent families like the Medicis and Fuggers. Second, courts often refused to protect loan contracts or outright banned the trade, forcing operators into criminalized shadows. Third, powerful monarchs and nobles regularly borrowed massive sums and solved their debt problems by expelling, imprisoning, or killing moneylenders instead of paying. By the way, French King Philip IV’s inability to pay the Knights Templar eventually led to the fall of the order. Fourth, should a poor harvest or a defaulting merchant fail to repay money, the moneylender absorbed total losses with limited legal recourse. This explains why Shylock demands a pound of flesh from Antonio in The Merchant of Venice. And given that he’s Jewish in a very Anti-Semitic world as well as not exactly prospering in one of the few jobs he could legitimately hold, you don’t really blame him. Even though he’s supposed to be the bad guy. Finally, society blamed moneylenders for structural economic crashes, making them perpetual targets for pogroms, asset seizures, and state-sanctioned violence. So even Shylock may seem like a complete shithead, he has plenty to be pissed off about.

226. Court Jester – Dressed in a pied outfit with a jingles hat, the court jester was the resident comedian who could get away with saying anything as long as he was funny enough. But being a court jester was no royal banquet of nonstop laughs. First, given that free speech isn’t a protected asset, jesters needed to survive by reading a king’s unpredictable mood. One bad or poorly timed joke could instantly result in imprisonment, beating by offended nobles, or execution. So if your boss is Henry VIII, may God have mercy on your soul. Second, court jesters possessed no real rank, armor, or legal safety within the castle hierarchy, making them politically disposable when political tensions were high. Third, when royals or courts needed to vent frustration or shift blame during crises, jesters were often the first targets of abuse. Fourth, years of tumbling, performing physical comedy, and enduring stress took a heavy toll on a jester’s physical health, resulting in chronic joint and body pain. Fifth, despite being surrounded by royalty, many were chosen for unusual physical traits and treated as social outsiders, leaving them emotionally marginalized. Finally, once they grew old and outlived their usefulness, court jesters were swiftly replaced, often dying in obscurity with unceremonious burials outside stables. On the bright side, it was available for women, say things that would get most people executed, and act as political advisers.

227. House Painter – Today house painting is associated with the finishing in a building’s construction. But in history, it was a dangerous profession with a constant risk of poison. First, painters ground massive amounts of toxic white lead into linseed oil, causing chronic illness known as “painter’s colic,” leading to severe abdominal pain, paralysis, and brain damage. Vivid colors like Scheele’s Green and Paris Green relied on copper acetoarsenite, shedding toxic dust sickening workers and residents alike. Second, house painters handled dry, powdered toxic pigments bare-handed and daily inhaled heavy-metal particles before modern respirators or ventilation existed. Third, since pre-mixed cans didn’t exist through most of history, house painters had to crush, mix, and grind raw materials by hand and while on-site. Fourth, scraping and burning off thick, accumulating layers of lead paint using primitive, dangerous heat tools exposed workers to toxic fumes. Fifth, painters balanced on crude, wooden planks and rickety, heavy ladders for high exterior work without harnesses or fall protection. Lastly, house painters worked entirely exposed to extreme summer heat, freezing cold, and rain while performing grueling, overhead physical labor.

228. Wagon Master – In westerns, the wagon master always leads the frontier settlers across the west and through each danger the party encounters. But life as a wagon was anything but happy trails. First, like a ship’s captain, the wagon master’s word was law. So if you’re leading settlers across the Oregon Trail, every bad outcome, mistake, or death fell squarely on you. So best to study what happened to the Donner Party so you and your party won’t end up like them. Second, wagon masters had to be mechanics for broken wagons, veterinarians for sick oxen, a doctor for injuries, a hunter for food, and a weather forecaster. Third, they bore the stress of choosing safe routes through unknown terrain and judging treacherous river crossings. Fourth, they had to actively watch for hostile outlaws, rough weather, and dangerous terrain while protecting the group. Fifth, amongst the party, they had to constantly settle arguments, stop fights, and deal with anxious travelers. Lastly, being wagon master meant living in harsh elements, getting no real sleep, and constantly exerting massive physical effort just to keep things moving.

229. Bush Pilot – In many historical settings based during the 20th century, you have the bush pilot who seems like kind of a nut but always gets the heroes to the rescue zone. But being a bush pilot in the olden days was like many jobs relating to aviation, dangerous. First, early planes had weak, fragile engines that often failed. Second, bush pilots flew over vast swaths of wilderness without accurate charts and often had to sketch their own. Third, compasses wildly spun near magnetic north. Open-cockpit planes exposed pilots to freezing wind. Fourth, should a pilot crash in remote wilderness, there was no Coast Guard or search party available to save them. Fifth, bush pilots had to act as their own mechanics, fuelers, and survivalists, often fixing broken planes in sub-zero snow with no heated hangars. Lastly, beyond flying, bush pilots loaded heavy cargo, fueled the plane by hand, and managed all chores alone.

230. Matchmaker – In historical media, matchmakers are often the people who bring couples together for arranged marriages within a community. Think of Yenta from Fiddler on the Roof or the bitchy matchmaker from Mulan. But their life could be one never-ending headache. First, traveling between respective villages to inspect prospective brides and grooms meant risking attacks from highway robbers or enduring harsh weather without modern transport. Second, matchmakers had to rely on word-of-mouth, local gossip, or slow mail to vet candidates. This made falling victim to deception very easy, especially during the days without reliable mass communication, literacy, or transportation networks. Let alone make background checks almost impossible. Third, should a marriage prove abusive or unstable, blame fell on the matchmaker’s taste, judgment, and truthfulness. Fourth, within many traditional communities, a failed or deeply unhappy match could result in the matchmaker being banned, ridiculed, or denied their fee entirely. Fifth, matchmakers had to satisfy strict family demands regarding social class, wealth, dowries, in lineage rather than personal affection or compatibility. Lastly, as modern ideas of romantic love grew, historical marriage brokers were frequently vilified in public and literature as meddling gossips who commercialized human intimacy. Although you can totally see this trend going on in the song “Matchmaker, Matchmaker” in Fiddler on the Roof.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 22 Toy Maker to Kabuki Actor

In this series, you may have noticed that just because a job’s done by a woman, doesn’t mean it’s any easier. Laundresses had to wash clothes risking skin problems and joint issues. Milkmaids had grueling workdays as well as risked arthritis and unpredictable animals. But at least the cowpox shielded them from smallpox outbreaks. While match girls and garment workers often faced body horrors no one would wish on any living soul. Anyway, ever imagined yourself as Geppetto in his workshop making clocks and toys for children? Ever wanted to be an emperor of Japan or China. Or perhaps you may have wanted to see yourself as a medieval king. Here are ten more historical professions and why they weren’t as great as portrayed.

211. Toy Maker – When it comes to a historical toy maker, the image of Geppetto in Pinocchio often comes to mind. In many ways, it’s often seen as a profession all full of whimsy. However, the reality was a difficult and grueling one that didn’t guarantee making a living puppet. First, hand carving wooden toys or sewing rag dolls took many hours. But since toys were considered luxury items for the poor or seasonal novelties, toymakers made very little. Thus, that would explain why Geppetto also made clocks as well. Second, many historical toy makers worked in cottage industries under harsh guild rules or for middlemen paying pennies per finished batch. Third, crafting items like tin soldiers or wooden horses required precision daylight work, stretching into long night shifts by candlelight ruining eyesight. Fourth, brightly-colored historical toys were often painted using heavy-metal pigments containing lead, arsenic (Scheele’s green), and mercury. Toy makers constantly breathed in toxic paint dust and handled poisonous metals or chemicals with bare hands during production. Making one wonder how Geppetto managed to remain in good health with a full set of teeth. Fifth, toys sold heavily only around holidays like Christmas, leaving toy makers cash-strapped and desperate for income during the rest of the year. Finally, consumer demand shifted quickly based on economic downturns or changing fads, leaving excess inventory that families couldn’t eat or trade for food.

212. Dry Cleaner – Today, the dry cleaner is the person you see to clean clothes that you can’t just through into the washer and dryer. But their historical counterparts went through a nightmare to take care of gorgeous period outfits during the Gilded Age through the early 20th century. First, 19th and early 20th century dry clean shops washed clothes in flammable petroleum solvents like gasoline, benzene, and turpentine. A single spark from rubbing dry fabric together could literally ignite a room and more. As 19th to early 20th century newspaper reports routinely recorded entire dry-cleaning shops and city blocks exploding. Second, workers breathed heavy vapors of benzene, carbon tetrachloride, and gasoline all day long without safety gear. Breathing these toxic chemicals wreaked radical neurological damage, organ failure, and high cancer risks. Since gasoline fumes are heavier than air, they pooled low to the ground and filled basements. Third, long before petroleum, ancient Roman and medieval fullers cleaned clothes using vats of human and animal urine as an ammonia source, making a foul and harsh environment. Fourth, before automated tumbling machines, workers had to hand-scour every single garment in open tubs of harsh chemicals. Lastly, dry clean shops were often pushed out of major cities by governments due to constant threat of deadly block-destroying fires.

213. Tobacco Roller – In period settings from the 19th to the 1970s, you often see characters taking a smoke. But those who rolled cigarettes and cigars didn’t live lives well lit. First, rooms were packed with dry tobacco dust, causing chronic coughing, black phlegm, and ruined lungs. Second, workers stood or sat stiffly for grueling 10-hour shifts, repeating the exact same hand motions thousands of times a day. Constant twisting and shaping tore up fingers, causing severe joint pain and cramps. Third, instead of hourly rates, workers were paid strictly by how many items they finished. A slow hour meant no money. While factory owners constantly squeezed wages as competition grew. Lastly, after James Bonsack invented his high-speed Bonsack machine rolling 210 per minute, skilled hand rollers were rapidly cast aside and replaced with cheap mechanical labor.

214. Spinner – Turning wool into yarn, spinners were where we get the term “spinster” from since it was done by unmarried women past marriageable age. But unlike what the term implies, being a spinner wasn’t the best way for a single woman to support herself. First, hand spinners were among the poorest of the poor. Their daily pay rate was so low that a childless single woman could actually earn more doing backbreaking agricultural labor in the fields than spinning at home. Thus, spinners were more likely to be mothers, widows, the elderly, and the physically disabled who wouldn’t be able to work in the fields. While the low wages they earned were often considered to supplement a family’s income. Not exactly a way for a woman to independently support herself. Second, spinners weren’t paid extra for making superior yarn. Merchants bought cheap yarn and mixed it together, there was no incentive to work harder or being the best. Third, when the Industrial Revolution came along, hand spinner wages dropped over time, matching or falling below medieval daily pay rates. Fourth, before industrial mills, turning raw fiber into thread consumed a woman’s every waking hour she had left over after cooking, cleaning, and raising children. Fifth, hours upon hours of repetitive motion hunched over a spindle or great wheel ruined backs, strained eyes, and caused joint and muscle pain. Sixth, rural workers relied on clothier merchants to drop off raw wool and pick up finished yarn. Merchants often traveled 20-30 miles to find desperate workers and held total power over their livelihoods. Lastly, during the late 1700s, laws like the English Worsted Acts created quasi-police forces to specifically monitor, detect, and prosecute hand spinners for alleged fraud or flaws in their reeling.

215. Medieval King – In the public imagination, medieval kings are often seen as the ultimate authority as chosen by God. But the reality was more like undergoing the immersive experience of Game of Thrones. Especially when you account that the story’s derives from the English Wars of the Roses, when it wasn’t at all good to be the king. First, medieval kings didn’t bathe as regularly as we do, dealt with lice and fleas, and used foul-smelling primitive toilets. Due to lack of antibiotics and painkillers, simple infections, bad teeth, or minor wounds could easily kill a king. Second, royal food was heavy on meat and expensive spices. But lack of sanitation meant food poisoning and dysentery were constant threats. Third, kings resided in drafty castles that lacked ventilation, sometimes requiring him to break ice in a bowl so he could wash his face in the morning. They also quickly got dirty and smelly within a certain amount of time, often causing he and his entourage to pick up stakes and move to another residence for a few months as the servants began cleanup. Seriously, medieval castle accommodations make the poop cruise seem like a luxurious experience. Fourth, kings were expected to lead armies in heavy armor, risking injury or death on the battlefield. Fifth, nobles and families frequently plotted to overthrow, imprison, or kill the king to take his crown. Child kings could be particularly vulnerable in this regard given what happened to the Princes in the Tower. Sixth, keeping powerful lords happy required endless negotiation and failure often led to civil war. Seventh, the Catholic Church could excommunicate kings or turn their people against them since kingly excommunication meant churches weren’t allowed to baptize, marry, bestow sacraments, or perform funerals. But these excommunications often didn’t last long. Lastly, medieval kings also had to marry a foreign princess of reproductive age and later marry off kids to secure diplomatic ties.

216. Japanese Emperor – Being an emperor often means great power, lots of treasures, and a gigantic palace and court. But this hasn’t always been the case most of known Japanese history. First, for nearly 700 years, military dictators called shoguns held all the actual political and military power. The emperor was stuck in a palace at Kyoto while the samurai rain the country. Second, Japanese emperors were heavily guarded and isolated. They were kept away from the general public and real-world events, essentially trapped in a golden cage by whichever clan was running the military government at the time. Third, because shoguns controlled the land and peasant taxes, the imperial court often ran out of money. During some periods of extreme poverty, imperial family members and court nobles had to sell their own handwritten calligraphy and poetry just to afford food and basic supplies. Fourth, because they were seen as divine descendants of the Shinto sun goddess Amaterasu, strict, boring rituals restricted every part of their lives. They had to speak, dress, and sit in very specific ways. Lastly, many emperors were forced to abdicate while they were still young, sometimes even children so that senior retired emperors could manipulate the throne from behind the scenes.

217. Chinese Emperor – Clad in yellow robes, the Chinese Emperor was the supreme authority of a vast empire of one of the largest and oldest countries on earth. But being one was like being the star of Game of Thrones. First, emperors woke up before dawn for long meetings with officials to read reports, sign laws, and decide on punishments or executions. Second, most of the later emperors lived in the Forbidden City where they rarely left, meaning they were heavily isolated and tricked by corrupt officials hiding bad news. Third, old traditions and court protocols controlled every emperor’s word and action. Fourth, under the Mandate of Heaven, should a natural disaster like a flood, earthquake, or famine happen, the people blamed the emperor, viewing it as a sign that he lost the right to rule. This often caused rebellions. Fifth, palace eunuchs, relatives, wives, and concubines constantly fought for power, poisoned rivals, or manipulated child emperors, leading to frequent coups and violent deaths. Finally, should an emperor inherit the throne as a child, it almost always resulted in political chaos, foreign attacks, and a dynasty’s fall. By the way, China stopped having emperors altogether in 1911 with the republican-led Wuchang Uprising after the Ching Dynasty collapsed due to military defeats, foreign colonization, economic crises, and anger against the Manchu rulers, culminating in the formal abdication of toddler emperor Pu Yi.

218. Union Organizer – The rise of industrialization and the widening gap between the rich owners and poor workers led to the rise of unions. But the life of a union organizer during the Gilded Age to the early 20th century wasn’t for the faint-hearted. First, as a union organizer, know that the establishment is solidly against you. Bosses hired private security forces like the Pinkertons to beat, shoot, and intimidate union organizers. National Guard units and local police were routinely deployed to crush strikes and jail labor leaders. Organizers in isolated industrial areas like coal camps or textile mill villages, risked their lives walking into neighborhoods where company control was absolute. Second, getting caught organizing meant losing your job and being put on secret industry lists banning you from ever working in that trade again. Note that because unions haven’t reached mainstream acceptance yet, there was no unemployment pay or strike fund safety net in the early eras, meaning that failed strikes often meant literal starvation for the organizer and their allies. Third, early courts viewed unions as illegal criminal conspiracies so union organizers could be arrested for simply trying to talk to workers about wages. Judges constantly issued emergency court orders making public gatherings, speeches, or picketing illegal on the spot. Fourth, union organizers had to operate in total stealth, constantly moving, sleeping in boarding houses under fake names and fearing spies and informants within the workforce. Finally, local business owners, newspapers, and churches often sided with the company, painting organizers as dangerous outside agitators or foreign radicals trying to destroy the town. The Catholic Church under Pope Leo XIII was one of the first institutions to approve of labor unions in the 1880s. But that doesn’t mean the local Catholic priest would agree. Nonetheless, while being a union organizer was a profession that required a steel spine, their efforts eventually improved millions of people’s lives in government policy.

219. Madam – In many period pieces and westerns, madams often seem like they’re the most successful woman in town, always wear the nicest clothes, and mind her girls like a maternal figure. However, a madam’s life was far from fabulous one the public imagination tends to depict. First, since operating a brothel was illegal in most eras and jurisdictions, madams regularly faced police crackdowns, heavy fines, and jail time. To remain open, madams had to constantly pay off corrupt local police officers and politicians, eating into the profits they made. Second, madams lived completely outside respectable society, carrying a social stigma cutting them off from legal protections or civil recourse. Third, most madams didn’t own the buildings they used. In fact, they paid exorbitant rents to wealthy, powerful landlords who held all the real estate. Landlords and suppliers often forced madams into deep debt cycles, loaning them startup or repair money with punishing interest rates. Fourth, many madams were tethered to violent male criminals, pimps, or gang members who treated them and their workers as property or cash cows. Fifth, madams had to manage unruly, armed, or drunk patrons (including local politicians and thugs) without reliable police help if things turned violent. Lastly, keeping a house running meant liability for sick, injured or desperate workers while handling dangerous disputes in secret.

220. Kabuki Actor – Japanese kabuki theater always appears like a dream with actors donning elaborate costumes. However, there was nothing dreamy about being a kabuki actor in feudal Japan. First, since the Tokugawa Shogunate viewed kabuki as a threat to public morals and social order, there were repeated bans. Women were completely banned from performing in 1629 and young male actors (wakashu) were outlawed in 1652. These bans forced the entire industry to adopt an all-male format (yaro-kabuki) under constant police watch. Second, kabuki actors were classified near the bottom of Japan’s social hierarchy, stripped of ordinary citizen rights, and forbidden from mingling with higher social classes mingling in respectable urban districts. Third, kabuki performances lasted all day in unconditioned, open air or wooden playhouses requiring massive vocal projection without microphones. Fourth, kabuki performers had to master hyper-stylized, physically punishing movements, heavy traditional makeup, and specialized roles (such as the onnagata specializing entirely in female mimicry) passed town through intense family bloodlines with no room for personal deviation. Finally, despite massive popularity among ordinary townspeople, kabuki actors were culturally ostracized from the samurai elite and official government bodies. In fact, they were treated as disruptive vagrants instead of respected artists.

Historical Professions That Actually Sucked: Part 21 Lady’s Maid to British Officer

              Sometimes even the villainous jobs tend to look cooler than they appear. Yet, each came with a dark side. Conquistadors may get a bad rap but most never got rich from destroying Pre-Columbian civilizations. Inquisitors acted more like religiously-affiliated local prosecutors who didn’t really want the job and often found themselves between a rock and a hard place. But tell that to every Hollywood director who depicts them as torture happy clerics. While witch hunters often could find their work backfiring on them if they accuse some beloved person in a community. Anyway, it’s likely that being a Pony Express rider perhaps captured your imagination at some point. How about being a veterinarian while watching All Creatures Great and Small?  Or perhaps a quaint clock maker? Here are ten more historical jobs and the dark realities behind them.

201. Lady’s Maid – In a great house like in Downton Abbey, a lady’s maid is her mistress’ personal attendant who dresses her, bathes her, and cares for her clothes. First, as a lady’s maid, don’t expect to sleep until your mistress returns from late evening balls or social events, often lasting until 2 to 3 AM. But you still must get up early to prepare breakfast and dress your mistress for the day. Also, you must instantly be responsive to handbells or electric call systems 24/7. So you mistress has some unfortunate encounter with a Turkish man who dies from a heart attack during the middle of the night, you better be willing to get up and help her and her mom move the guy’s body. Second, you’re responsible for complex fashions, elaborate hairstyling, intricate dress repair, ironing, and heavy corsetry management. If you’re living in the 18th century, expect to apply cosmetics that could possibly kill you both like that white lead-based face powder. Third, any torn gown, out of place hairpin, or failed cosmetic mixture can result in a verbal scolding or dismissal. Since such mistakes regarding wardrobe malfunction are on you. Fourth, while Downton Abbey lady maids can marry their co-workers, know that socializing, having outside friends over, or pursuing romantic relationships were strictly discouraged or outright banned. After all, no workplace distractions. Fifth, know that domestic servants were universally expected to stay single. Marriage and pregnancy means immediate dismissal with no safety net. Lastly, with zero legal worker protections, no job security, and complete dependence on a good reference letter from their employer to find future work, maids were vulnerable to exploitation and mistreatment from employers with little recourse.

202. Cheesemaker – Cheese may be a popular food in our world. But the people who made it didn’t have quite a cheesy time of it. First, moving heavy iron cauldrons of milk and pressing heavy stone blocks onto cheese molds required relentless physical strength. Second, working near fires or boiling vats meant frequent burns and steam injuries in damp, freezing dairy rooms. Third, since animals don’t stop their milk production on holidays and weekends, milking and curdling had to happen twice a day, every single day. Fourth, due the thermometer not being invented yet, cheesemaker determined temperatures by sticking a bare elbow or finger into hot vats, risking ruined batches if they missed the mark by a few degrees. Fifth, due to pasteurization or laboratory cultures being nonexistent, a stray bad microbe could ruin months of aging work overnight, turning an entire winter’s food supply into a toxic, stinking rot. Sixth, a bad drought or wet season changed grass quality, altering milk chemistry and causing unexpected flavors in failed curdling. Seventh, a spoiled batch of wheels meant a farmer’s family went into debt or starved through the winter. Lastly, for centuries, much of the dairy work was forced onto women or enslaved laborers who did the brutal daily processing while receiving little to no credit or profit.

203. Veterinarian – If you watch All Creatures Great and Small, you might think being an old country vet was a quaint way to make a living. But if you read the book series, you’d see a very different reality like it was a 24/7 job. First, practitioners primarily treated large, strong animals like horses, mules, and cattle that could easily kick, bite, or crush a person when panicked or in pain. In the books, you see this whenever James Herriot attempts to treat a horse. Before modern tools, procedures required intensive labor such as throwing a thousand-pound horse to the ground to castrate or treat it. While fractured bones, severe kicks, and open wounds were daily routine hazards. Yet, somehow you never see James Herriot, Siegfried Farnon, or their assistants ever receiving such injuries or spending time in the hospital in either the books or the show. Second, as with their human counterparts, animal pain management was either primitive or completely absent. So surgeries and resetting broken bones were agonizing for both patient and doctor. Third, before germ theory and antibiotics, treatments relied on chaotic folklore, heavy-metal tonics, or painful blistering and bleeding techniques that often harmed more than helped the animal. Fortunately, by the time James Herriot comes to the Dales, such older remedies had fallen out of fashion and anesthesia was available. But he still had to deal with clients who believed such things worked. Fourth, veterinarians faced deadly zoonotic illnesses like anthrax, glanders, and brucellosis without proper protective gear or treatment. Herriot gets brucellosis but he’s fortunate enough to live in the 20th century. Fifth, for centuries, animal doctors were seen as low-class laborers or uneducated farriers (cow leeches) rather than respectable medical scientists. Finally, as in All Creatures Great and Small, owners deeply cared about the economic loss of a dead workhorse or cow, placing immense stress on the practitioner when treatments inevitably failed.

204. Circuit Judge – A familiar figure in westerns is the circuit judge who travels through his jurisdiction to hold trials. But a circuit judge’s life was a nightmare no courtroom could resolve. First, judges traveled thousands of miles on horseback or by bumpy stagecoach across unpaved, muddy, or flooded terrain. Like many travelers, they were forced to sleep in dirty, crowded, and loud roadside taverns. While exposure to bad weather and poor food led to frequent bouts of sickness and severe exhaustion. Second, traveling through remote areas exposed judges to highwaymen, extreme winter storms, and lack of medical care. While the intense physical toll contributed to several prominent early jurists’ severe health declines or early deaths. Third, early Supreme Court Justices had to “ride the circuit” on top of their normal capital caseloads, making the job a relentless grind. Finally, circuit judges spent many months away from their families and comfortable homes to hold court in primitive outposts.

205. Distiller – In the public imagination, we often see the moonshiner making their hooch high in Appalachian Mountains during the Great Depression. But being a distiller was far from an idealized life in the woods. First, due to lack of modern thermometers and chemical testing, early distillers relied entirely on guesswork to discard the “heads” (first part of the distillate). Misjudging this meant producing liquor with concentrated methanol, causing blindness, severe illness, or death of both the maker and the consumer. Second, stills were often crudely plumbed or soldered with lead, copper alloys, and other toxic metals that slowly leached into the acidic mash and finished high-proof alcohol over time. Third, early direct-fire stills lacked temperature control, frequently scorching the mash and yielding  foul-tasting, bitter, or toxic spirits. Fourth, moving massive wooden grain sacks, hauling water by hand, and splitting heavy firewood for fuel resulted in 14-16 hour workdays in blistering heat next to open flames. Fifth, 19th century records show historic distilleries as death traps. Workers regularly suffered from crushed limbs or amputations in heavy grain-milling machinery, fell down dark, open, multi-story rickhouse shafts, or were mangled by primitive corn conveyers. Fifth, confined spaces filled with invisible, highly flammable ethanol vapor paired with open wood fires meant a single stray spark could and frequently did blow up the entire works. Sixth, governments heavily taxing alcohol resulted in constant conflict. In the United States, American frontier distillers faced frequent armed uprisings during the Whiskey Rebellion in 1794. Although the frontier then was just west of Appalachia at the time. Lastly, securing quality distilling equipment was exceptionally difficult due to trade monopolies and high costs for pure copper, forcing many to use unsafe alternative metals.

206. Clock Maker – In historical films and TV, the clock maker often toils in his shop, often repairing a watch within the constant sound of the clocks being his only background noise. However, being a clock maker wasn’t as safe as the media made it out to be. First, guild workers used liquid mercury to gild clock parts, causing shaking, brain damage, and tooth loss. Filing tiny gears by candlelight destroyed eyes long before glasses were good. While working with coal smoke, acid fumes, and metal dust hurt breathing. So much for the work not being dangerous. Second, kings and rich nobles took months to pay bills, leaving many clock makers broke. Didn’t help that clock makers had to buy expensive gold, silver, and steel upfront while waiting years to finish one item. Third, in the days before the Industrial Revolution, every single gear and spring had to be filed by hand from raw metal, which could prove painstaking. Fourth, one tiny mistake meant weeks of work went into the trash. Lastly, if the clock lost even 2 minutes a week, angry buyers refused to pay or demanded free fixes. Not a safe and sustainable way to make a living.

207. Jeweler – In historical TV, books, and films, the jewelry is often as grand as the beautiful outfits themselves. But a jeweler’s life wasn’t one that glittered. First, fire-gilding required mixing gold and mercury, releasing toxic vapors causing tremors, tooth loss, and madness (as the origin of the “mad hatter” phenomenon applied to metal workers). Second, hours of peering at tiny micro-gemstones or engraving metal under dim candlelight or weak natural light ruined jewelers’ eyesight by middle age. Third, filing gold, silver, and toxic metals like copper and lead meant constantly inhaling metal dust without protective masks. Fourth, monarchs and nobles were notorious for commissioning grand pieces before delaying payment indefinitely. Or they’d simply execute the jeweler to get out of paying a bill. Fifth, jewelers had to front the immense cost of precious stones and metals out of pocket. A single lost shipment, robbery, or royal whim could bankrupt a jeweler’s workshop entirely. Sixth, carrying high-value inventory made jewelers prime targets for violent highwaymen, thieves, or corrupt local guards. Seventh, guild systems strictly controlled who a jeweler could hire, how many items they could make, and what prices they could charge, leaving little room for personal freedom or innovation. Finally, master jewelers fiercely guarded their techniques, meaning apprentices learned through grueling trial and error rather than shared knowledge.

208. Pony Express Rider – In the American imagination a Pony Express rider looms large when it comes to the Old West as a horseback courier service. But being a Pony Express rider was a tough gig that didn’t last long. First, riders faced ambush, outlaws, and conflicts with Native Americans during the Paiute War, resulting in multiple employee deaths. Second, stretches of route through mid-19th century Kansas, Wyoming, Utah, and Nevada were vast, empty, and completely lacking law enforcement. Third, since riders carried little more than a revolver and water bottle, they became easy prey for highwaymen. Fourth, shifts lasted up to 20 hours across 75-100 miles of rough terrain, switching frantic, half-wild horses every 10-15 miles. Fifth, Pony Express riders rode through blinding snowstorms, sub-zero mountain cold, blistering desert heat, and blinding dust storms without stopping. Sixth, jobs required young men (often teenagers or orphans) weighing less than 125lbs to bounce on tiny racing saddles offering no padding or comfort. Seventh, missing a schedule or losing a mail bag meant severe trouble, despite the impossible pace. Lastly, despite the job paying decently for the time at $50 to $125 a month, the Pony Express company went bankrupt and shut down after 18 months once the transcontinental telegraph rendered the grueling rides obsolete.

209. US Army Indian Scout – You might see US Indian Scouts in many westerns, especially regarding the clashes between Native Americans and the US Army. But they lived rather miserable lives amidst the action. First, US Indian Scouts were often forced or hired to track, fight, or hunt down their own tribal bands or neighboring groups due to old regional rivalries. This created a permanent deadly hostility and branding as traitors by other Native American groups. Second, refusing to fight close kin meant facing brutal military court-marshals and executions as happened during the Apache resistance. Third, life under the US Army meant countless boring drills, strict discipline, and rigid rules clashing with traditional freedom. Fourth, Indian scouts were forced into stiff, poorly-fitting standard military uniforms and heavy boots unsuited for stealth desert or mountain travel. Fifth, unsurprisingly, white soldiers often deeply mistrusted Indian scouts, placing them on the front lines to take the riskiest fire. Sixth, scouts were used as pathfinders during horrific events like the Wounded Knee Massacre, leaving deep psychological scars. Finally, after the Indian Wars ended, the army had little use for the Indian Scouts, cutting support and leaving many to face systemic poverty on reservations.

210. British Officer – In movies, TV, and books, British officers are often fathers to their men unless it’s the Charge of the Light Brigade. But the reality was far from what you’d see in media related to the British Empire. First, until 1871, many officers had to buy and sell their military ranks using the Sale of Commission System costing massive sums of money. Also the Sale of Commission System was one of the factors that resulted in what happened during the Charge of the Light Brigade. Second, daily pay didn’t cover the high cost of expensive uniforms, mess fees, and equipment. Many officers went deep into debt just to remain in the regiment. Third, junior officers usually led their men face-first into enemy fire. During World War I, junior officers had much higher death rates than regular soldiers. Didn’t help that snipers and opposing troops often aimed at officers because they wore different clothes and gave the orders. Fourth, due to the officer corps being run by upper-class social codes, fitting in meant enduring their wealthy peers’ insufferable snobbery and constant judgment. Lastly, if things went wrong, public and military leaders put the full blame on the officers, risking court-martial or public shame.