The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Archery Wizard”

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Unless you’re hiding under a rock in some cave, anyone with any inkling of pop culture knowledge should know that the Hunger Games is about a an absurdly high stakes reality show competition for teenagers. In other words, a televised event in which teenagers are forced to fight each other to the death. Now in the first book, Katniss and Peeta are tributes from District 12 which has had more consecutive losing Hunger Games losing season than the Pittsburgh Pirates had in baseball. Seriously, after winning his Hunger Games, Haymitch Abernathy had to train a total of 46 kids in the arena who have ended up dead. Not to mention, District 12 is seen as the poorest district of Panem where most families are starving that most Peacekeepers turn a blind eye to poaching. And if that’s bad, you have tributes from the wealthier districts 1, 2, and 4 that are trained as ringers for the Hunger Games at a young age before many of them volunteer, mostly at 18. And they’re  usually favored to win since they usually ally until they’re at each other’s throats when they’re the only ones left. Of course, such training is illegal but tolerated by the Capitol. However, Katniss does have one advantage over them since she had to hunt critters on scarce resources for years.

Careers

Now I thought a good parody for the Careers to sing would be based off of the song “Pinball Wizard” from the Who rock opera Tommy. Now the original song is about a boy who’s deaf, dumb, and blind but sure plays a mean pinball. How this is possible? Don’t ask. I wasn’t even born yet to advise Pete Townsend and Roger Daltry. Yet, he doesn’t have a very nice life. In this Hunger Games version, I have the Career Pack singing about Katniss’s talent with a bow and arrow as well as her improbable aiming skills at archery. Not surprisingly, the Careers pay witness at the training center before the Games. And they’re surprised that a novice girl from a dirt poor district might have a chance of winning after all. This might not be in the book since Careers are quite arrogant. But it makes a good song parody. And let’s just say they’re playing a way more dangerous game than pinball.

 

“Archery Wizard”

Sung by the Career Pack

 

Marvel:

Ever since I was a young boy,

I’ve trained as a Career.

I’ve tried out every weapon

With mastery in spear.

But I ain’t seen nothing like her

At any training hall….

 

That poor girl from Twelve there

Sure is a mean archer!

 

Glimmer:

She stands like a statue,

And takes up steady aim.

Hitting all her targets

Always playing clean.

She once shot an apple

Through a pig roast’s mouth.

 

That poor girl from 12 there

Sure is a mean archer!

 

Cato:

She’s an archery wizard

She’s barely ever missed

This archery wizard’s got such a supple wrist.

 

District 4 Boy: ‘How do you think she does it?

District 4 Girl: I don’t know!

District 4 Boy: What makes her so good?’

 

Clove:

Ain’t got any training

She’s just from District 12.

But if I see her aiming

I’d better run like hell.

Said to be a poacher,

Might explain it all

 

That poor girl from 12 there

Sure is a mean archer.

 

Cato:

I thought I was the most likely to win

But against her, I’ve not much time to live

Though she’s only a novice

She can beat my best.

Hope her quiver arrows

Aren’t pointed toward my chest.

She’s got crazy nimble fingers

Never seen her fall….

 

That poor girl from 12 there,

Sure is a mean archer.

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