The Wonderful World of Album Covers (Seventh Edition)

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As you can see, I haven’t done a blog post since April because I’ve been working on a novel I’m almost finished on. Yet, given that we’re being confined to our homes during the coronavirus outbreak, I decided to do another album cover post. After all, among the misery and boredom we must face, we can really use a laugh. So why not with good old-fashioned awful covers? After all, when you’re on the internet, you can find plenty of these on Google Images. Above is Queen’s album Hot Space, which depicts the band Andy Warholesque portraits. And while most of their hairstyles have substantially changed from the 1970s, Brian May is the sole exception. So that his hair’s gone gray, he’s starting to resemble a seventeenth century composer. Anyway, in Bohemian Rhapsody, while the stylists seemed to agonize over Freddie Mercury and John Deacon’s hairstyles, Roger Taylor still sports the same long blond hairdo from the 1970s, despite real life photos to the contrary. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of bonkers vintage album covers.

  1. Bible Story Lady: Creation Series
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More like fairy tales. Given the anthropomorphic creatures and celestial objects.

These don’t seem to be Bible stories to me.

2. Cher: Take Me Home

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For God’s sake Cher, you can’t go out to the castle in that armor. Do you want the enemy to easily stab you? Seriously, she looks like she’s straight out of a video game.

Brought to you by RAID: Shadow Legends.

3. Polly Bergen: The Party’s Over

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After the party descended into a drunken orgy, Mary Lou just wanted to go home. At the same time, she dreaded at the possibility of being a designated driver.

And she does not want to go back again.

4. Dick Contino with the David Carroll Orchestra: Something for the Girls

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Are you sure the women aren’t just staring at your ass, Dick? Maybe that’s your “something” for the girls. Seriously, there aren’t many people who enjoy accordion music.

Because girls really dig an accordion player.

5. Johnnie Mann Singers: Night

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Seriously, this cover features a naked woman smoking a cigarette next to a flower pot table with a naked lady lamp on top of it. Because sex sells, everyone.

Live from the best high end whorehouse.

6. Julie London: Julie

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Tell me this woman is wearing at least a pair of underwear. But I wouldn’t be surprised if she isn’t. Also, she seems to predate Madonna by a couple of decades.

And they say singers today are exposing too much of themselves.

7. Bert Henry: The Hard Way

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Yes, another nudie album cover. But this time the boobs are censored. Parent discretion is advised.

Featuring blacked out titties.

8. George Shearing Quintet: Latin Lace

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After all, she’s all business in the front and party in the back. But in a more tasteful fashion. Still, what kind of bra does she wear?

Just because you have to wear a veil, doesn’t mean you can’t go backless.

9. The Melachrino Orchestra: Music to Work or Study By

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Betty tried her best to study hard despite wanting to hang out with friends. As her mother’s watchful eye gazed over her that evening.

Someone doesn’t trust her daughter with her homework.

10. Various: Music for Relaxing

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You can tell they’re trying to appeal to men. And I’m sure they’ll be “relaxing” to this cover.

Now with a woman wearing a low cut top.

11. Carpenters Hit Melody

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Because you can clearly see their tits. Also, they’re not wearing proper footwear for biking or helmets.

For why wear a shirt and bra if you can just sport a jacket?

12. Passionate Hawaiian Rhythm (Hawaii & Tahiti)

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Heard she was Fishmate of the Year from Hook, Line, and Sinker Magazine. It’s for fishing enthusiasts and perverts.

Where professional fishers have to meet the same qualifications as those in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

13. GTD: Big 3

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Here a couple shares a drink with apparently no clothes on. Also, is the guy Harrison Ford? Looks like him. Not going to judge him.

Featuring the perfect music for your nude beach vacation.

14. Tom Jones: A-Tom-Ic Jones

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Sure, everything’s being annihilated during a nuclear holocaust. But this guy’s still singing and wearing a suit. Even he’ll eventually end up vaporized.

As if 2020 can’t get any worse.

15. Dusan Bogicic: Cepam Case

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Seems like this guy’s been stuck in quarantine way too long. Given that he’s taken to the bottle.

If you’re Eastern European and in quarantine, this might be the perfect album to get drunk on.

16. Generique: Co-Co Boy

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Okay, I don’t think the guy on the right is Elton John. But he sure seems dressed like him.

Featuring a cruise ship captain and a young pre-fame Elton John.

17. Jamie Redfern: Sitting on Top of the World

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Look I’m sure he’s a nice harmless, guy. But smiling like that in that weird hair and placing his shoulders on a boy like that just gives me creepy vibes for some reason. Maybe I’ve heard too many stories on child sex abuse. I don’t know.

I know the kid’s his son but please don’t touch his shoulders.

18. The Nashville Strings: The Nashville Strings Play Great Country Hits Vol. 2

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I don’t know about you. But I wonder if this woman’s got an eating disorder since you can barely see her boobs. Then again, maybe it’s photoshop.

Featuring a topless woman on a tree.

19. Eric Van Camp: Grafted In

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For God’s sake, he’s wearing a horned helmet and fur vest. Resembles less of an opera singer or fierce Viking and more of a guy you’d see eating turkey legs at the Renaissance Festival.

Now in his Renfair costume.

20. The Unknown Quantity

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Apparently, they haven’t gotten used to wearing their human body suits since landing on earth. Also, the women seemed to take their hairdos straight from an outdated magazine.

At last, the first Christian album by extra terrestrials.

21. Vader Abraham: Im Land der Schlumpfe

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Seriously, the guy’s posing with Smurfs while wearing a bowler hat. Need I say more.

Smurfs: Not just for kids in the 1980s.

22. Waterland Underwater Revue: Alice in Waterland

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I get that these underwater shows are a thing in Florida. But why do an album? I’m sure it’s not a musical.

Now how can you do an album underwater?

23. The Collarmen: Time Passes On…

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Because they’re all priests. Though I can’t be sure who’s playing the lead guitar. And the drummer’s only using a snare instead of a full set. Yet, they all can forget about groupies since a celibacy vow forbids it.

So they decided to start a band in the seminary.

24. Georgie Auld and His Orchestra: Dancing in the Land of Hi-Fi

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Seriously, I don’t think Angie’s in the mood to dance with Johnny. Doesn’t want to embarrass herself.

Though this woman’s more like, “Uh, no thanks.”

25. Vesele Veceri: Mjja Aleksic

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Here he is showing a picture of a naked woman’s butt. I’m sure the parents will be all right with that (sarcasm).

Brought to you by your creepy uncle from Eastern Europe.

26. Moe Bandy & Joe Stampley: Just Good O’l Boys Holding the Bug

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Would you trust these guys with valet parking? For God’s sake, why the hell am I asking that question?”

Brought to you by the drunks at the local dive bar.

27. Ricky Skaggs: Don’t Cheat in My Hometown

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Though he might have something hidden in his hair. Perhaps a card, maybe.

Brought to you by men’s hairspray.

28. Tomislav Ivcic: Veceras Je Nasa Festa

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Also, the background is cracked. Still, the guy looks kind of out of place in his porn stache. Not sure why.

When you have to go to a photoshoot but don’t want to change out of your casual attire.

29. Arekino

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Okay, he’s not Weird Al as a sea captain on too many drugs. But you’d almost assume that.

Never seen this early Weird Al cover before.

30. Henry & Hazel Slaughter: Looking Through His Eyes

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While the woman’s hair looks incredibly flammable and she doesn’t seem very comfortable with the guy. Then again, he seems more like a used car salesman than a Christian singer.

Brought to you by Crazy Henry of Crazy Henry’s Used Car Dealership.

31. Mica Ostojic: Trofrtaljka

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I at first thought she was a guy in drag by the look in her face. Still, she appears to see what her neighbor’s up to on her concrete patio.

Behold, the Kim Kardashian of the trailer park.

32. The Thrasher Brothers: Country Cookin’

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Or does the guy near the silverware know that after posing with the food, the conversation will somehow descend to politics one way or another. And he knows many of his relatives voted for Trump.

Someone’s not enjoying Thanksgiving dinner.

33. The Miracle at My House

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As a commenter from Bored Panda noted: “That’s no miracle. That’s an evil ghost dwelling in your house.”

With accompaniment by “Ghost Girl Who Lives in My Attic.”

34. Fos

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Brought to you by the 1970s magic of photoshop. And even by 1970s standards, I’ve seen better.

When it’s the 1970s and your cover design’s got a limited budget.

35. Dan Levenson: Barenaked Banjos

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He’s got his banjos strategically placed. But hey, at least he’s not from Deliverance.. Yet, you don’t want to see your dad like this.

If you like bluegrass and nudism, this is the album for you.

36. Pauline and Randy: Help Me

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From Bored Panda: “Unfortunately, this album was Randy’s last call for help before his mother completely consumed him and he lived the rest of his life in her basement, never kissing, let alone meeting, a girl.”

Is this an album cover or a call for help?

37. Dorothy- “Everybody’s Mother” Goes Country

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Though why she’s dressed for a fancy barbecue I have no clue. But it’s not a suitable attire for hunting or riding.

All a Karen needs is a horse and a shotgun.

38. The Sounds of His Coming

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Yeah, might want to pass on this album. Seems like a recruiting poster for a polygamist cult.

By the Rev. McCreepazoid and his five sister wives.

39. De Germa: De Germa’s Bananenlied

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Says, “There are no bananas today” in Dutch. That’s a lie.

Apparently, these ladies are ape over bananas.

40. Ilona Staller: Ska Skatenati

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Heard she’s an Italian porn star who later became a singer and politician. So there’s hope for you yet, Stormy Daniels.

Never mind the strategically placed bear at her crotch.

41. Olaf Sveen: Dance Party

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Here the accordion player does his thing while wondering if it’s all worth living. Contemplating the inevitability of death.

When you’re clinically depressed but have to play the accordion at a polka fest.

42. Flemming Antony: Frk. Brun

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He was later busted for sexual assault on lady statues. #Metoostatue.

He prefers a woman with a rock solid rack.

43. Jimmy Scott: Falling in Love Is Wonderful

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Seriously, didn’t Bill Cosby end up going to prison for pulling shit like this? For God’s sake, this guy either raped this woman or murdered her. Not sure which is worse.

Brought to you by roofies or poison.

44. Romark: Relax…You’re Going to Lose Weight

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From Bored Panda: “No, see, you were supposed to either prop the album up inside the fridge so when you went to snack you saw him glaring at you, or you tied it to a string and hung it in the middle of the kitchen doorway so it hit you in the face when you went to snack.”

Does that mean he’s going to cut your head off if you let him?

45. Vicki Jamison: He’s More Than Enough

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Then again, we don’t just live on bread alone. However, we still need to eat. Though she’d be wearing a mask today.

Yet, not enough to keep her out of the bread aisle.

46. Danny Boy: Twist

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From Bored Panda: “Unbeknownst to a lot of people, Star Wars was originally written as a rock opera, and the Red Guards were not Emperor Palpatine’s personal bodyguards, but were a band of travelling minstrels. Then George Lucas got involved, and the entire mood changed.”

Are these the KKK’s Christmas outfits?

47. Victory: Pirates on the Sea

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Then again, they seem like the guys you’d meet in the ye Old Port Royal gay nightclub. Don’t ask about the booty there.

If Pirates of the Caribbean was made in the 1970s.

48. De Alpen Zusies: Alser Watte Feesten Walt

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The women also wear skimpy lederhosen that wouldn’t suit the alpine climate. One even has her legs stretched.

Because no Oktoberfest is complete without disco music.

49. Crosby, Stills, & Nash: Live It Up

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You can see Dr. Neil Degrasse Tyson on his Twitter feed now. “You can’t roast hotdogs on the moon. There’s no atmosphere. You can’t even breathe or start a fire on there.” Way to ruin it, Dr. Tyson.

Who wants to roast hotdogs on the moon?

50. Sauter-Finegan: Inside Sauter-Finegan

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Okay, they’re a music duo. But the anatomical picture just looks really freaky.

Who wants to know what’s inside co-joined twins.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Sixth Edition)

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Of course, we can’t have Christmas without all that annoying Christmas music you want to shut yourself away from and can’t avoid. Seriously, even before Thanksgiving, you find it everywhere. But after Thanksgiving, Christmas music is turned up to overdrive. And yes, it’s annoying and will make your ears bleed if you’ve ever had to work in retail. Still, you don’t have to be the artists who recorded them. Since they have to do these while on their summer vacations. Anyway, while some of these covers may be stunning like this Beatles one above, a lot of these aren’t that memorable. In fact, some of them are kind of tacky and in poor taste. Others haven’t aged well and can be rather unintentionally funny. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy vintage Christmas album covers. Enjoy.

  1. Les Menestrels: Tetes Decembrees de Noel
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Why is that one head smiling? The woman’s like she’s ready to mount them on her wall with her hunting trophies.

For nothing says Christmas like a blond woman holding 2 disembodied heads.

2. Toby Keith: Classic Christmas

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Yet, I have no idea why he’s wearing a Santa hat over his cowboy hat. I mean make up your mind already. Also, it’s clearly photoshopped.

Celebrate the season country style.

3. Shelley Duvall: Merry Christmas

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Though I’d rather have them clean my house. Also, are those reindeer or horses?

Featuring cartoon woodland creatures.

4. Dynamite: Dynamite’s Soul Christmas

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Give him some Jack Daniels whiskey and sandwiches instead. Maybe a few bottles of the former.

Sorry, kids, but Santa’s through milk and cookies this year.

5. 98°: This Christmas

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Yet, they must use really good bleach because their outfits stand out more than anything else. Also, clearly photoshopped.

These guys must be dreaming of a white Christmas.

6. Vincent Lopez: Christmas Music

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Santa sits back on a plastic chair like he’s drunk off his ass. Also, that chair can’t be very comfortable.

Cause even Santa needs a break now and then.

7. Soulful Dynamics: Dying Snowman

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Sure, it would’ve been a decent cover if it wasn’t for the title. Also, the snowman’s face just says it all.

When you want to spice up the holiday season with some existential dread.

8. Los Tremendos Sepultureros; El Nino del Tambor

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Seriously, why do they have a woman in a sleazy Santa outfit? Now the guys are really anticipating their Christmas lap dance.

For the guy who wants to hold his bachelor party during the holidays.

9. Xmas a Go Go

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Seriously, these guys seem like they’re just doing the album for the money. And that they’d rather be somewhere else like on vacation.

For the J and K pop band who needs a few extra bucks.

10. The Joy Strings: Christmas with the Joy Strings

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Also, what the hell is that black girl doing here? Does she have a black parent taking the picture? Was she adopted? Or is she there just to bring some mandatory diversity among the kids? Seriously, her appearance needs some context.

Brought to you by one of the guys from Goodfellas.

11. Freunde: Wir Warten Auf Weihnachten

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This guy doesn’t seem to like being Santa. Maybe he should throw a toy at the kids. Can start with that plush bunny.

When you have to work as a mall Santa around kids with no consideration for your personal space.

12. Edna Gallix: Petit Papa Disco Hit Noel

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What the hell is that woman wearing? The cape over the sleeveless outfit doesn’t make much sense to me.

When St. Nick likes what he sees.

13. Cabbage Patch Kids: A Cabbage Patch Christmas

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Yes, these dolls were very popular during the 1980s and 1990s. And no, I have no idea why they’re in the winter cold only wearing sweaters.

Apparently, these dolls can sing.

14. Crazy Frog: “Jingle Bells/Last Christmas”

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I mean frogs wouldn’t be out during the winter since they’re cold blooded. And they wouldn’t be rolling snowballs without a coat on either.

Well, this frog is sure damn crazy.

15. Diommy Kito: Xmas Memories

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After all, these guys have devil ears and pitchforks. While the woman between them doesn’t have much on.

You can tell something went naughty at this party.

16. Paul Kuhn and his Orchestra: Christmas Polka

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He seems to have a lot of cans of it, too. Wonder if he’s planning to enter an eating contest.

When you just have to help yourself to some yuletide sausage.

17. Filobin: Filobin Chante Noel

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Kind of reminds me of Pennywise’s accountant. And ladies, please, don’t take his rose or he will kill you. Mark my words.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you a singing Christmas clown.

18. Ferrante and Teicher: Xmas Hi Fivories

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Though I’m not sure if they know what they’re doing. Also, what’s in that one reindeer’s bucket? It better not be water.

Reindeer repairing pianos standing by.

19. Lula: Natal Alegre

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You can see how Santa eyes the woman with a pervy stare. I’m sure Mrs. Claus won’t be happy about this.

Apparently, Santa digs chicks with pink hair.

20. King Diamond: No Presents for Christmas

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And apparently, the reindeer doesn’t seem to appreciate it. Least of all posing with a guy from a KISS cover band.

Don’t forget to decorate your reindeer this Christmas.

21. Lady Gaga: A Very Gaga Holiday

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Since the text seems to run into her picture. For God’s sake, you can barely see the title.

Sometimes the font seemed like a good idea at the time.

22. Lynn Anderson: The Christmas Album

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Yeah, her face just seems like she’s smiling but has feelings of anxiety and annoyance inside. And she’s getting impatient.

When you pose for an album that you do because you’re under contract.

23. Mambo Santa Mambo: Christmas from the Latin Lounge

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Yet, the dancers are shown in yellow light with some dark shadows. While the woman’s dress opens quite high on her thigh.

Christmas time is always great for a mambo.

24. The Roller Disco Orchestra: Non-Stop Christmas Disco

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And yes, some guys are dancing to it. Still, I don’t get the Christmas disco craze. Seriously, why?

For when your Christmas can’t get more 1970s.

25. Rod Stewart: Merry Christmas, Baby

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Still, the album image and title might appeal to Boomers, I don’t consider Rod Stewart as sexy at any rate. For God’s sake he sounds like he has throat cancer.

For when you record a Christmas album to prove you still got it.

26. Rolf Harris: Rolf Harris Sings Mary’s Boy Child

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Sure dad and child look at the nativity lamp. But I’m sure if I’d trust the guy with that kid. Kind of seems creepy.

Of course, you can’t forget the reason for the season.

27. Connie Canuso: Connie Canuso Sings “Someone Painted Rudolph’s Nose a Chocolate Brown”

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Girl seems freaked out by the fact. Still, that reindeer in this cover looks incredibly terrifying for some reason.

So does make Rudolph having to function as a normal reindeer?

28. Natal Jovem: Boas Festas

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Well, they’re bodies and heads seem quite close together that it’s freakish. Also, their eyes are rather funny.

Brought to you by a freaks 3 headed Santa.

29. Shonen Knife: A Shonen Knife Christmas Record for You

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Yes, there’s a group called Shonen Knife. There are even lyrics for “Space Christmas,” which I really don’t want to listen to.

Dress styles inspired by Mondrian.

30. Jularbo: Jul med Jularbo

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One of the accordion players is alleged to be the father of Weird Al Yankovic. But as of now, that theory is inconclusive. Still, one accordion is enough, okay?

Introducing 3 Santas playing polka.

31. James Brown: James Brown’s Funky Christmas

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For an artist as legendary as James Brown, you’d think he’d have the best album cover designer. This seems more straight out of some software printshop program from the 2000s.

Cover by dated graphics program.

32. Larry the Cable Guy: Christmastime in Larryland

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And he’s wearing a Santa hat over a camo hat. Still, the smiling disembodied head just freaks me out.

Featuring Larry’s disembodied head.

33. Lawrence Welk: “Jingle Bells”

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After all, the parents are in their pajamas and giving the ornaments a shine. And I thought I had a problem with procrastination.

Apparently, this family was quite late decorating their Christmas tree.

34. Merle Haggard: Merle Haggard’s Christmas Present

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One daughter has a wide collar on her red dress. One seems dressed like Waldo in coveralls. While a boy’s got stripes on a real tacky brown shirt.

Here with his guitar and embarrassed that he’s one of the only member of his family normally dressed.

35. Ames Brothers: The Sounds of Christmas Harmony

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The dad’s touching the boy’s shoulder and I’m not sure whether it’s appropriate. Probably is. Also, I don’t think the mom should hold the candle that way.

The family that sings carols together stays together.

36. Los Diplmaticos: Navidades

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Actually, people would rather you not. Since they’d rather get drunk, eat, socialize, or open presents. Mostly the last one.

I’m sure everyone wants to hear your sax solo at the Christmas party.

37. Gary Glitter: Another Rock and Roll Christmas

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I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. Still, the outfit and hair are so 1970s. Also, he got involved in a sexual misconduct charge involving minors.

Is it just me or does he remind me of Dewey Cox from Walk Hard?

38. Celine Dion: Chantes et contes de Noel

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Yet, you’d almost think the kids surrounding her are ready to crush her. Wonder if she can get out of there in one piece.

Guess this was for a French Candian audience.

39. Heinjte: Weihnachten mit Heinjte

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Though the cover’s clearly photoshopped. Also, his eyes kind of reveal that he doesn’t want to be there.

Apparently, one’s never too young to celebrate Christmas solo.

40. Tino Rossi: “C’est la Belle Nuit de Noel.”

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Well, some kid took his beard. Still, doesn’t seem too fazed over it. Maybe French kids think about Santa differently. But the teddy bear thinks otherwise.

“Hey, you’re not Santa.”

41. Baldo: Petit Pepe Noel

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Yet, there’s one guy who seems rather excited by the upcoming Christmas bar drinking. The other guys play it cool.

“Christmas beer for everyone.”

42. Jimmy Jules and the Nuclear Soul System: Christmas Done Got Funky

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Not sure if that’s a good idea. This is especially if the only white guy bears a slight resemblance to Steve Buscemi.

Apparently, they decided to go shirtless for the cover.

43. The Lundstroms: Colorado Christmas

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Since all the women and girls in this obviously have their hair styled in some unnatural way. Kind of reminds me of pictures you’d see on Awkward Family Photos.

Brought to you by copious amounts of hairspray.

44. Jimmy Sturr and His Orchestra: “Polka Christmas” in My Home Town

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He also wears a black shirt with a pink sweater. And he doesn’t care the least. Nor does he mind the godawful upholstery.

Here Jimmy spends Christmas all by himself being the true loner he is.

45. La Tuna Estudiantina de Cayey

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The lollipops look like they’re eaten. While the snowmen have no personality.

Featuring candy snowmen and candy canes.

46. Merry Christmas

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The red background doesn’t do any wonders for them. Also what are those ball gift things?

When you want to look cool for the holidays but fail.

47. We Wish You a Merry Christmas

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Apparently some are wearing leis. Did they do this photo op while on a Hawaii vacation? Or did some wear whatever they had on at the time?

Featuring all the artists who were under Warner Brothers contracts.

48. Three Suns: Christmas Party

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Even the illustrated bird is like, “what the hell, man.” Yeah, it’s quite strange looking isn’t it?

And one that seems to go with formal attire in ornaments.

49. Alvin Styczynski: Alvin’s Christmas Album

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You know the guy who thinks he’s such a great musician but will never leave. Because the music industry is a cutthroat business that only values looks.

Featuring music by that guy you know in accounting.

50. Jim Jones & Skull Gane: A Tribute to Bad Santa

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One guy sits on a throne with Jack Daniels and a cigar. While the other guys are behind sacks. Or are they in them?

You mean the forgettable film starring Billy Bob Thornton?

The Wonderful World of Album Covers (Sixth Edition)

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Once again, I move on to album covers. Of course, who can remember the awesome design with the Beatles’ cover of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. You might recognize some celebrities the Beatles are standing with. Nonetheless, great album covers like this one are always remembered and treasured. However, since I’ve done a post like this for years, you get the idea that we’re not going on a nostalgia trip here. Instead, we’ll look at album covers that were long forgotten for some reason. And not because many didn’t have good music on the records. Some have aged terribly. Some are outrages. While some are just plain weird. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy vintage album covers.

  1. La Wanda: MUTHA*Is Half a Word
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For some reason, I have serious doubts she’s a virgin. Also, she should’ve known she was pregnant by now.

Apparently, this woman’s in for a real surprise.

2. Henri Salvador: Le Martien Count Basie: L’Inspiration Syracuse

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I don’t understand the sci-fi concept behind this album cover. I mean the guy’s in blue make up with a weird diamond helmet.

Man, this Martian really creeps me out.

3. The Pinups: Wild Thing

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Is that a dead hooker in the car? Okay, that’s really disturbing. Hell, this whole album cover is unsettling.

Don’t tell me they’re supposed to be prostitutes licking lollipops.

4. Dani: Dani

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Apparently, being surrounded by clowns can put you in a rather terrifying situation. Also, why isn’t Pennywise in here?

Perhaps this woman has spent too much time with the circus.

5. Mirka Kodica: Bajo

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Seriously, this guy kind of reminds me of those bad 1980s prom pictures. Funnier that he’s wearing a shiny striped suit with a stern expression.

When you have to resort to a backup outfit for your prom picture.

6. The Bee Gees: Life in a Tin Can

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Of course, how they could fit in this old pop can, I’ll never know. Let’s not think about this one too hard.

Apparently, the Bee Gees haven’t been doing too well these days.

7. Brad Swanson: Brad Swanson Goes Hawaiian

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Still, the guy’s posing with women who look awfully young. While his eyes bear some ill intent. Don’t like where this is going.

So, how does Hawaiian organ music sound like?

8. Cerrone: Supernature

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Yes, the animal masks are freaky. But what the hell are they doing in a hospital operating room with a fake body on the gurney?

Beware of the animal masked people under the gurney.

9. Conway Twitty: I’m Not Through Loving You Yet

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Since his wife left him, Conway’s fashion sense has gone out the window. He’s kind of bitter about the divorce. His wife’s got a lawyer and is suing him for half his assets.

Apparently, Conway’s going through a rough patch in his life.

10.  Def Leppard: On Through the Night

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When we start settling Mars, we might have to train astronauts to be truck drivers. Not sure how that’s going to work out.

In the future, large semis will transport giant guitars in space.

11. The DeFranco Family featuring Tony DeFranco: Save the Last Dance for Me

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Those 1970s haircuts certainly don’t help either. That one guy in the back knows how lame this photo op is.

Of course, everyone had to wear a top matching the background with a sequined animal on it.

12. Ed Ames: My Cup Runneth Over

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Then again, to each his own. After all, Ed could really be a nice guy. But that doesn’t help his hairstyle.

You have to wonder what the blond woman sees in this guy.

13. Engelbert Humperdinck: Engelbert Sings for You

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Actually he’s wearing a 1970s jumpsuit and a necklace. But yeah, he probably spent too much time at the tanning salon that day.

Released during a time when Humperdinck was moonlighting as an Elvis impersonator who spent too much time in a tanning salon.

14. The Gary Walker Singers: “I Shall Never Forget the Day.”

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I mean the instruments consist of accordion, banjo, and electric guitars. Also, that one guy looks like David Hasselhoff.

So what genre is this supposed to be?

15. David Cassidy: The Higher They Climb

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Here he jumps to reach a star in front of a large crowd of people. While he holds a white guitar in his hand that matches his jumpsuit. Don’t ask me who came up with this idea.

Didn’t know David Cassidy had the power of levitation.

16. Oscar Brand: Sports Car

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Apparently, you can sit on it, too. As long as the long staff is well into your ass. Boy, that woman’s going to be sore. But for now, she’s reading like it doesn’t seem to bother her.

My, that’s one large tire jack.

17. Jean Carroll: Girl in a Hot Steam Bath

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The one guy in the bathroom’s reading a newspaper with shoes and socks on like it’s nothing. While the women on the other side are checking him out.

Didn’t know they had unisex steam rooms.

18. Orel Turkbas: How to Make Your Husband a Sultan

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Helps if you dress in a jingling bikini that resembles what Princess Leia would wear if Jabba’s palace was a disco. Yet, she doesn’t wear the long chain nor strangle a huge blob monster who used her frozen boyfriend as wall decoration.

A belly dancer shares her tips for wives to please their husbands in the bedroom.

19. The Singing Richey Family: I’m Going Home…To Watch the Flowers Bloom

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I bet the mom’s like, “I shall call her Mini Me.” Hell, they’re wearing the same pink dress.

Apparently, big hair is an inherited trait.

20. Pedro Pinho and Paulo Pontes: Berrante Do Tempo

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Man, these outfits are atrocious. Look at the pink top with gold sleeves. Is it 1970s or what?

When you and your buddy pose in the same space age outfit.

21. Tesura: Fruko y sus Tesos

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They even have chain around a dog and one guy holds a big cigar. But badass they are not.

When your tough guy act goes absolutely nowhere.

22. Maria Luisa Landin: Con la Voy del Alma….

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Seriously, why is her reflection appearing in the glass like that? Does she think she has something on her nose?

When you’re staring into a wine glass when your date doesn’t show up.

23. Rito Esclavo: Pedro Laza y sus Pelayeros

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I mean she’s literally tied to a man by her wrists with rope. And she’s wearing a Sword-and-Sandal costume. So is she supposed to be dragged? Or is she kind of into it? Because I want to know how to feel here.

Is this supposed to be slavery or a kinky bondage routine?

24. Reb Allen: Country Hits

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Still, I know they’re supposed to be prison stripes. But they kind of remind me of pajamas. Also how is he able to play guitar on the rocks?

During his stay in prison, Reb would provide the chain gang entertainment during long, hard days.

25. Gordon Calcote: Folsom Prison Blues

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Nonetheless, I think the cover is more appropriate for “Prisoners of Love.” Also, this pen seems to have a very generous conjugal visit policy.

If you want a sexy version of this hit, we got you covered.

26. The Game Is Over Soundtrack

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Yes, this a soundtrack from a forgettable Jane Fonda movie. Still, naked in the jungle, what can possibly go wrong with that?

Apparently, Naked and Afraid is older than I thought.

27. Il Medico…la Studentessa Original Film Soundtrack

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Okay, it’s probably not a porn movie and I apologize to anyone offended. Still, I’m sure these two are about to play “doctor” at any moment. Seriously, look how the guy’s grabbing the woman’s leg.

Didn’t know they made soundtracks for porn films.

28. Alan Hale: Skipper Alan Hale’s Roman Orgy

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Apparently, the cover implies that a Roman orgy’s just a fancy toga party. But it’s more like a hedonistic free for all with drinking, partying, and group sex.

Also known as the R-Rated version of Gilligan’s Island.

29. Pilz Band: Schtarch Sy

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You’d almost think it was a 1980s version of The Office starring Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander. Got to like that one guy’s shirt.

When your office band hits the big time.

30. Crosby, Stills, and Nash: Live It Up

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So, how can you roast hotdogs on the moon? It has no atmosphere so you can’t light a fire. Oh, those guys are climbing on the sticks? Was the designer on drugs?

Spent roasting hotdogs on the moon.

31. Orrin Star: Fun Songs & Fancy Pickin’

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Heard that he was a musician and shop teacher by day. And a porn star by night during the 1970s. Naturally, him and Adrien aren’t on speaking terms.

Boy, Adrien Brody’s dad is incredibly lame.

32. Orion: Rockabilly

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He wears a mask because he’s fugitive from another state. Not what he did. Still, reminds me of a Will Ferrell SNL sketch for some reason.

This man seems to have an interesting Elvis impersonator routine.

33. El Baile Aleman: Senor Coconut y su Conjunto

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The one guy is framed in a star because he couldn’t make it to the photo session. But he wore the same outfit nonetheless.

Hope you enjoy the puffy sleeves.

34. Terri Gibbs: Over Easy

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Because “Terri” is a female rendition of that name. But the person kind of has a more masculine disposition. Then again, maybe Terri’s just gender fluid.

Is that supposed to be a woman or a guy wearing lipstick?

35. Elna Fredhoy og Rigmor Odum

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Funny, how one could easily pass as Matthew McConaughey’s grandmother. Hope she plays alright, alright, alright.

One plays guitar. The other plays the accordion.

36. Quim Barriero: Recibe um Convite (A Casa Joquina)

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Heard he got his start playing polka music at a nudist colony. Then again, he seems to have stripped all his clothes off.

Someone enjoys playing naked accordion.

37. Knuz Zopy3em

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These guys have such blase expressions that they see no hope out of their boring and meaningless lives. Though I like that front man’s tie.

Featuring hit songs from this up and coming Soviet group. Just feel the excitement.

38. Kjell Kraghe: Vind I Seglen

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And yet his clothes don’t seem the slightest bit wet. Then again, it’s photoshop.

Look out there’s a giant guy in a 1970s jumpsuit on the horizon.

39. “Whoopee” John Wilfahrt and his Orchestra: Dance Night

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For God’s sake would you take the name Wilfahrt seriously? Also, that dancing couple seems all too happy.

Apparently, why they didn’t ask John Wilfahrt to change is name is a riddle for the ages.

40. Mijus Svetlana: Klik-Klak

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Well, maybe Russians don’t mind women not shaving. Since they’re probably more focused on trying to get by. Still, she looks pretty silly in that outfit. Also what are those strings with balls supposed to mean?

Is that armpit hair?

41. Buldozer

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So basically this cover consists of women mooning. I’m sure the moral guardians won’t be happy with that.

Apparently, these women decided to stick their butts to the window.

42. Jasar: Zena Moje Mladosti

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I mean the guy seems more right at home on Stranger Things. Also, is he smoking a cigarette?

Here this Yugoslavian singer poses for a photo like teenage boy on his way to prom in the 1980s.

43. Oliver Mandic: Probaj Me

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So is he supposed to be the Yugoslavian equivalent to David Bowie or Boy George? Also the name Mandic is hard to take seriously as an English speaker.

Here he sits on his red suitcase waiting for a ride while wearing his matching red leather suit.

44. Sneki: Ti Saluto Italia

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Then again, it kind of makes sense. Since Italians are into soccer and high fashion. Still, the woman seems like a snake lady to me.

Apparently, saluting Italy means having a sexy woman near a soccer goal.

45. Father Robert White: The Reverend in Rhythm

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I think this might’ve become a meme. Still, I don’t think you can dance to that song listing. Also kind of reminds me of Matthew McConaughey for some reason.

Just a priest with a pipe who can play some tunes.

46. Jonah Jones: I Dig Chicks

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Still, they shouldn’t be there. No, I don’t see anything wrong with women on a back hoe. But these women aren’t clad in the proper safety equipment. So they run a high risk of injury or death.

Apparently, someone doesn’t see anything wrong with these women being at construction sites for fan service.

47.  Barry Louis Polisar: I Eat Kids and Other Songs for Rebellious Children

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Seriously, why would anyone have a song about eating kids? Is this an album used to traumatize children?

I don’t think his baby appreciates the title.

48. Janet Greene: Country and Spanish Flavors

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After all, she wouldn’t want anything to scald her uh, boobs. Yes, I get that her boobs get considerable attention on this cover.

Let’s hope she doesn’t spill anything on her chest.

49. The Happy Sound of Ragtime

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Because what makes a wholesome image of ragtime like seeing a fat rich guy being served by 2 hookers. Seriously, the woman’s putting some money in her stocking.

Available at an Old West brothel near you.

50. Trevor Crozier and Friends: Trouble Over Bridgewater

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Despite that nobody dresses like that nowadays. Still, I don’t think he’ll find any gold with this album.

He’s just an old prospector having a beer.

 

 

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Fifth Edition)

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Though listening to Christmas music in the store or on the radio is likely to make my ears bleed thanks to a holiday stint at Macy’s, many may beg to differ. Mostly because we have people who buy Christmas albums this time of year, many by pop artists willing to earn some sweet extra cash. And despite the saturated Christmas atmosphere of today, Christmas albums have existed for decades. After all, I’ve been doing annual posts like these for years. Don’t believe me? Then see what Michael Jackson looks like on the cover in the intro image. I mean he doesn’t seem to resemble the weird King of Pop he’d become in his later years. Nonetheless, many of these covers can be quite strange and outrageous to say the least. So for your reading pleasure this holiday season, I give you another treasury of crazy yuletide covers that time forgot.

  1. Pete Gold: Merry Payday Christmas 
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Santa Claus knows if you’ve been bad or good. So be good for goodness sake. Or else, Santa will straight out murder your ass. So you better watch out, you better not cry. And you better not pout, I’m telling you why.

Because this year, Santa means business.

2. Elvis Presley: Christmas with Elvis

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Christmas is supposed to be a happy. But Elvis appears rather depressed. Wonder what’s wrong.

Apparently, Elvis is having a blue Christmas this year.

3. Arthur Fiedler & the Boston Pops: A Christmas Festival

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From Classic FM: “You’re not fooling anyone, Arthur. Give the suit back now.”

This time Arthur plays Santa.

4. Bad Religion: Father Christmas

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Funny, how it appears on an album cover. Since I usually see Santa smoking in Vintage ads. But Santa doesn’t seem to give a shit.

Hope you don’t mind, Santa needs to light.

5. James Galway: James Galway’s Christmas Carol

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From Classic FM: “In which a scarfed Jeremy Beadle annoys the neighbours with his incessant flute-playing.”

He also does outdoor shows during the holidays.

6. Para Bailar: Drum Christmas Drum

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She also doesn’t seem keen on her man kissing her on the forehead. Just look at her bulging eyes of shock.

While her portait has been textured in garden mosaic.

7. Canadian Brass: The Christmas Album

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From Classic FM: “Sorry guys. Another entry for Canadian Brass. No matter how hard you parp your brass at that tree, it’s not going to make it a merry Christmas.”

Blowing their horns at the Christmas tree, are they?

8. Dionne Warwick and Placido Domingo: Christmas in Vienna II

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From Classic FM: “As unlikely pairings go, this is one of the strongest we’ve seen. Worth it for the kid in front of Placido’s expression alone.”

Apparently, one of the 3 Tenors decided to duet with a noted soul singer.

9. Christmas Carols from Winchester Cathedral

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From Classic FM: “Because nothing says Christmas like identical twin choirboys and a candle the size of a grandfather clock.”

Featuring 2 choir boys and a towering candle.

10. The Cousins: The Cousins Celebrate Xmas.

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The guy’s like “Wow, just what I always wanted.” While the other guys are like, “Not exactly what I expected. But hey, he seems to like it.”

Here Santa presents one of them with a brand new electric guitar.

11.  Ernest Borgnine with the Brinton Maridon Orchestra: The Nine Days of Christmas

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Besides, before he won an Academy Award for Marty, Ernest Borgnine was best known for beating Frank Sinatra to death in From Here to Eternity. Also, his smiling expression is kind of creepy.

For some reason Ernest Borgnine doesn’t strike me as having a good singing voice.

12. Garth Brooks & Trisha Yearwood: Christmas Together

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Apparently, Garth seems like he’s terrified by his singing partner Trisha. While Trisha probably has a skeleton collection in her walk-in closet. Wait a minute, those two are married?

I can see the expression on Garth Brooks’ face silently screaming “Help me!”

13. Herb Alpert: The Christmas Wish with Symphony and Choir

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For a man as legendary as Herb Alpert, you’d think he wouldn’t need to work as a mall Santa. Then again, maybe he just does it for amusement.

To supplement his income during the holiday season, the legendary Herb Alpert fills in part-time as a mall Santa.

14. Hurra Por Santa Claus!

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By the way, the movie was a stupid as you expect. Still, you can’t help but laugh at Santa riding a rocket between his legs.

From the motion picture Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

15. The Kingston Trio: The Last Month of the Year

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From Music Radar: “The clean-cut folk trio pictured committing typically chirpy group suicide by electrocution following the release of their 1960 seasonal release.”

Guess who’s come with presents?

16. Mae West: Wild Christmas

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Well, Mae West was always an attractive woman. But Santa seems a bit more than attracted to her.

Boy, Mrs. Claus is gonna be pissed.

17. Chris Farren: Like a Gift from God or Whatever

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Still, it doesn’t help that he’s wearing a Christmas wreath around his face. Seriously, that just looks really dumb.

Apparently, this man has a rather high opinion about Christmas or himself.

18. Michala Petri: Noel! Noel! Noel!: Christmas with Michala Petri

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Seriously, what the hell are those boys wearing? Because those outfits seem straight from a Transylvanian castle.

Featuring the sons of Dracula.

19. Robert Alagna: The Christmas Album

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From Classic FM: “Looks like Michael Bolton’s hair and his mum’s gloves were on the Christmas list this year. Season’s greetings, Roberto!”

Here he is out in the snow wearing a fur coat.

20. Olgay Tony: Santa Claus a Go Go

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Didn’t he could wear a polo shirt and an ascot tie. Like he’s some rich jerk at a polo match.

Since when did Santa get so thin and casual?

21. The Gantvoort Twins: The Gantvoort Twins Sing Christmas Carols

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Then again, they might be playing music to muffle their discussion about what to do with Gladys. Because Gladys needs to pay for what she did.

Am I seeing double at the record player?

22. Jan Gorussen: Prettice Kerstdagen

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Though while Santa may enjoy a polka now and then, the reindeer have gotten spastic over it. But Santa doesn’t care.

Featuring Santa Claus playing the accordion.

23. More Christmas Disco

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I know this was released during the 1970s. But do you think I’d want to be dancing to disco versions of Christmas songs? No.

You mean there’s more disco Christmas music?

24. Redneck Christmas

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Guess someone’s been driving his sleigh too many times under the influence. Yet, how were police to know?

Okay, what did Santa do now?

25. Billy Idol: Happy Holidays

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Aside playing piano in a hotel lounge, Billy Idol also works as a bouncer at a nearby bar. So don’t mess with him. Or he’ll beat you to a pulp.

1980s sensation Billy Idol is here to make your season bright.

26. Phillips 66 Present Tijuana Christmas

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Does it actually snow in Tijuana? Of course, not since their winters are comparatively mild. Also, what’s Santa doing in the back seat?

I’m sure they’re not driving through Tijuana.

27. The Three Stooges: Christmas Time with the Three Stooges

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What the hell are Curly and Moe doing to Larry? From how they’ve put him in a time machine, he’s probably history.

Something tells me spending Christmas with them isn’t exactly a blast.

28. Na Er Det Jul Igen

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Santa is creepy enough. But the elf trolls make the Elf on the Shelf look like a bunny rabbit since they’re simply terrifying.

Featuring Santa and his elves from your nightmares.

29. Tweenies: The Christmas Album

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I don’t know who they are. But I think they’re a British knock off of Sesame Street. Yet, they don’t seem to have any of the warmth or charm.

Featuring puppets singing Christmas songs and their dog.

30. Mariah Carey: Merry Christmas II You

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Don’t look now. But I think the snowman likes what he sees of Mariah Carey from behind.

You can bet a rendition of “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is on the track listings somewhere.

31. Little Steven’s Underground Garage: Christmas a Go Go

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Also, what’s the deal with Rudolph’s head on Santa’s motorcycle? Seriously, that’s just fucked up.

What the hell is Santa on?

32. Cliff Richard: Christmas with Cliff Richard 1968

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Look, I know this album came out in the 1960s. But this cover seems like something that’s designed from a Microsoft print shop program from the 2000s.

Apparently, his album design crew was on a budget.

33. Curt Davis: Something New for Christmas

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Though he kind of reminds you of your jerkass boss who’d send you a Jelly of the Month Club membership instead of an actual bonus. Also, his sweater’s kind of tacky.

Wonder what he’d want from Santa.

34. Wurlitzer Christmas

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From Classic FM: “Two disturbing things: the ghostly image of Santa’s slippers (are they slippers, actually?) on the pedals, and the fact that someone has made a Wurlitzer Christmas album.”

Presenting all your Christmas favorites on keyboard organ.

35. Christmas Eve with Colonel Sanders

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Seems like he has visions of fried chicken dance in his head. Too bad he’s been behind a lot of heart attacks of the decades.

Apparently, the Colonel has fallen asleep near the fireside.

36. Yellowman: A Very, Very Yellow Christmas

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Essentially, a yellow Christmas is a white Christmas. Except that you realize that local animals have been using your yard as a toilet.

Quick, someone tell him what a “yellow Christmas” actually means.

37. Pentatonix: That’s Christmas to Me

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From The Things: “The album cover to Pentatonix’s “That’s Christmas To Me” is one of two things. It’s either trying too hard to look like a candid we’re-all-having-a-great-time-and-love-being-around-each-other photo, or this is how these people exist in real life. And that’s something we’ve never seen before.”

When you smile for the photo for the 100th time and just want to leave.

38. Lee Greenwood: Christmas to Christmas

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From The Things: “What’s awkward about this Christmas album cover, besides the unearned pose, is that the fire seems inexplicably fake, his sweater (or sweatshirt?) looks a little too big, and you just can’t stop looking at his Christmas package.”

You know the guy who sang the cheesy “I’m Proud to Be an American” that will drive you up a wall on the 4th of July? Apparently, he has a Christmas album.

39. We Wish You a Hairy Christmas

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From The Things: “What’s awkward about this holiday album cover is not the adult-film-star-looking model, but what is surrounding her. The giant prop candy cane is all well and good, but over her right shoulder stands the head of a deer, a reindeer perhaps, staring blankly outward. One of its antlers, curiously enough, looks like a knife stabbing the poor creature in the head. It could easily be a trick of optics, but the fact remains that the deer simply doesn’t need to be there.”

Presenting a scantily clad model in front of a deer head.

40. A Nostalgic Merry Christmas to You

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From The Things: “Is this awkward Christmas album cover really supposed to make people nostalgic for Christmas? I get that it sparks the memory and majesty of opening presents on Christmas morning, but we can’t relate to this one bit. I’ve never seen parents that get THIS done up for Christmas morning. And look! Those kids are somehow dressed, too. What IS this nonsense?!?! Did they go to sleep in those clothes? Because no kid waits to get dressed on Christmas before tearing maniacally through presents from Santa. Maybe they’re on their way to church? Or they have brunch plans with the National Insurance League? Whatever the concept is, a family this cleaned up on Christmas morning is a total lie.”

Yes, listen to the songs of Christmas when families would dress in church attire before opening their gifts on Christmas morning.

41. Travis Tritt: A Travis Tritt Christmas: Loving Time of the Year

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From One Country: ” Christmas should be simple. But, this is anything but. Also, there’s a cartoon band with a dog on this album cover, plus a real Travis Tritt? All of the things are happening here.”

Apparently, Travis hasn’t been seen outside cartoonland for years.

42. Clint Black: Looking for Christmas

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From One Country: “Poor Clint just out in the snow look for Christmas by the glow of one small candle. Do you think he found it? Why a candle instead of a flashlight? What about a map? Or perhaps, a calendar?”

Though it’s hard to say whether he’s having any luck finding it.

43. Ronnie Milsap: Christmas with Ronnie Milsap

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From One Country: “At first glance Christmas with Ronnie Milsap looks like a blast. But, the second, third, fourth and 27th glances offer different opinions.”

Nothing says Christmas like rising out of the jack-in-a-box and scaring the crap out of everybody.

44. Joe Diffie: Mr. Christmas

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From One Country: “I want this to be a Hallmark movie so bad– ‘Joe Diffie is Mr. Christmas, this Saturday at 8.'”

Available at a 1980s cowboy bar or trailer park near you.

45. J.J. Hrubovcak: Death Metal Christmas

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Though your grandparents will certainly be offended by the demon Madonna and child. Though they’ll probably never see it anyway.

For those who wish for a not so silent night.

46. Merry X-Mas, Dammit from the Double Down Saloon

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For to spend Christmas at a bar, you must either be dead inside with no family. Or outside as this martini holding skeleton.

For nothing brings the magic of the holidays like spending Christmas in a Vegas bar full of drunks.

47. The Osmonds: Osmond Family Christmas

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Seriously, the Osmonds seem less like a wholesome family and more of the family that slays together in the dead of night. Don’t you dare let them in your home.

Don’t mind the glowing carolers in the window.

48. CantArte Regensburg & Hubert Velten: Gregorian Christmas

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Though I wonder who’s wearing the red hood. I know it’s supposed to be a monk. But it could be some kind of nefarious Christmas spirit.

If you’re into a real old-fashioned Christmas, this is the album for you.

49. Dino: A Wonderful Time of the Year

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From The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit: “For those times when Barry Manilow is just a little too edgy, there’s Dino Kartsonakis.”

Think of him as a low-rent Barry Manilow.

50. Kenny G: Faith: A Holiday Album

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From The Things: “Well before Photoshop or flameless candles- photographers had to inspire warm fuzzy Christmas album covers the old fashioned way; with real live, hair burning fire. In this strange and awkward Christmas album cover, we have adult contemporary hero, Kenny G, in what would have been used as ‘Exhibit A’ in the lawsuit against the record label.”

Kenny, you might want to step back from the candles now.

The Wonderful World of Album Covers (Fifth Edition)

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While you might have noteworthy covers like the Fleetwood Mac Rumors album, there are plenty that aren’t on the standard radar. Mostly because they’re not very memorable since they normally feature the artist and the title. Yet, do a Google search and you’ll find plenty of album covers that can quite ridiculous. A lot of them can be unintentionally funny, creepy, or inappropriate. While some of them can be more risque than you’d think they be, considering if the release date was before 1970. Some can just be plain weird, especially if they’re sci-fi inspired or aimed to children. Nonetheless, most of these musical acts typically remain unknown. Though you’ll find a noted singer or band once in awhile. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of crazy old album covers. Enjoy.

  1. Moe Bandy: I Just Started Hatin’ Cheatin’ Songs Today
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You can’t find a more country album like this. Apparently, his wife left him, his dog died, his pick up truck broke down, and he almost went to prison. And he probably has a drinking problem.

Moe has never been the same since Sandra left him for Pablo the pool boy.

2. The Beatles: Yesterday and Today

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Yes, even the Beatles had their share of terrible album covers like a the infamous butcher cover. Fortunately for collectors, this one is worth a lot of money.

Unfortunately, even the Beatles weren’t above mutilation.

3. Ivory Chuck: Ivory Chuck at the Ivories

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Ivory Chuck can always be handy with the piano keys. Yet, mess with him and he’ll strangle you and dump you in the river.

Hustler by day, lounge musician by night.

4. Ferrante and Teicher: Blast Off!

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One guy is lying with his legs up on the piano like he’s supposed to be in zero gravity. Star Trek this is not.

Unfortunately, they didn’t qualify as space camp material.

5. If the Bomb Falls: A Recorded Guide to Survival

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Sorry, but I don’t think this album has any good information on surviving nukes. Seriously, if a nuke dropped where you live, you’re most likely to die.

Need to know about surviving nukes? This album will tell you everything you need to know.

6. Music for Dreaming

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And yet, they lie in street clothes in the snow. Outside a village with very small people. My guess they’ll end up like Gulliver before they wake up.

Finally, a album you can play while you sleep.

7. Dwayne Smith: “Get Directly Down”

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Nonetheless, Dwayne is determined to hold a beach concert as a low-budget Elton John with his keyboard and amplifier in tow. While his trusted dog is by his side.

Why directly? Was “Get Down” already taken?

8. Esquivel: Exploring New Sounds in Stereo

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Then again, to explore new sounds in space may require a way larger telescope than he could muster. And they wouldn’t sell it in stores.

And yet, he’s using a telescope.

9. Si Zetner and His Orchestra: The Swingin’ Eye

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Someone must’ve been on acid to design this cover. Seriously, you’d think she was from the VFD strip club from A Serie of Unfortunate Events.

Featuring a large eye with a lady’s butt and legs.

10. Warren Barker and His Orchestra: William Holden Presents a Musical Touch of Far Away Places

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Here William Holden sits in the study with a nervous smile. Hoping the band doesn’t play the “Colonel Bogey March.”

Apparently, the bongos is making William Holden feel cramped.

11. The Stanley Johnson Orchestra: Have Harp Can’t Travel

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I’m sure any concert hall would have a harp there. I mean almost every one of them has a piano.

Yeah, I don’t think you can fit that in a tour bus.

12. Si Zetner and His Orchestra: High Noon Cha Cha Cha

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Sure she’s topless and wears high heel sandals. But ogle at her bare rack long enough and she’ll take you out her six shooters.

Featuring the notorious Ta-Ta Jane, the best topless straight shooter in the Old West.

13. Music to Light Your Pilot By

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Wonder what the pilot’s going to do with that large wooden propeller. Hope he’s not thinking a threesome.

After all, pilots need music while having sex, too.

14. Maya Angelou: Miss Calypso

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Yes, that’s Maya Angelou herself dancing to the fire in a strapless dress that she could stick her leg out. I know it’s kind of uncomfortable to see her this way.

Here you can listen to the great American poet and author sing calypso music.

15. The Incomparable Robin Hood Band: Spectacular Sounds

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If you had to wear a humiliating marching band uniform in high school, imagine having to dress up like Robin Hood while playing professionally. Because these guys look totally ridiculous.

Hear the music from this band of merry men.

16. Living Strings: Music to Help You Stop Smoking

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Wonder what kind of songs would be on this album. And wonder if that music helps people to break the habit.

Because if you need to quit, put on this record while going cold turkey.

17. Music to Keep Your Husband Happy

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Indeed, this is album is meant to be played during sex. Nonetheless, I’m sure Barry White and Marvin Gaye are somewhere on the listings.

Includes booklets inside to spice up your love life.

18. Fun’Da’Mental: Erotic Terrorism

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This is by a British Muslim hip-hop group from the 1990s which is still around today. Yet, the cover seems ripped from a foreign film about a guy with a thirst for revenge.

You don’t mess with this man with a gun.

19. Diesel Smoke, Dangerous Curves, and Other Truck Driver Favorites

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And yet, the cover features a truck stop waitress. Mostly because they think sex sells somehow.

If your job takes you on the road, here’s the soundtrack for you.

20. The Gateway Singers

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Yet, the outfits are much to be desired. Seriously, plaid sport coats and drapery dresses?

They’re just a wholesome group in front of a cabin.

21. Ron Johnson: “Happiness” with Ron Johnson

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Here he has his guitar in the garden. While he sings, “The Tax Returns Don’t File Themselves.”

Ladies and gentlemen, Ron from accounting would like to sing a song for you.

22. Jeff: Something Special from Jeff

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From Mental Floss: “Poor Jeff looks like death warmed over, from his Herman Munster tan to that funeral director suit. I just hope the ‘something special’ he’s got for us doesn’t involve that hook.”

Presenting something special by the all incomparable Jeff.

23. Rusty Warren: Knockers Up!

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They seem awfully close to one another while drinking martinis. I think I know where this is going.

This drummer always knows how to turn on the charm.

24. Alan Gardiner Accordion Band: Play It Again

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Oh, God, you don’t want to have 4 accordions in a room like that. That’s not a party. That’s torture.

With accordions you’ll always have a party.

25. Zillertal Band: Beer Drinking Songs by the Zillertal Band

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Yes, this album features a lot of German drinking songs. And a couple of guys just have to enjoy a beer with a barmaid who might be a Vulcan.

Finally, an album you can play for Ocktoberfest.

26. Millie Jackson: E.S.P

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Nonetheless, the crystal ball seems to magnify her boobs. Since the ball is almost totally transparent.

Millie Jackson sees all, knows all.

27. Elin Proysen and Egil Johansson: Med et Smil

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This is from Norway. Still, on the bright side, despite being stranded on their car, their music could attract flood rescuers.

Just because you’ve been flooded on the road, doesn’t mean you can’t have fun making music.

28. Mohamed El-Bakkar and His Oriental Ensemble: Port Said Music of the Middle East

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Still, it features a very scantily clad belly dancer that would infuriate many Muslims today. Besides, are those nipple pasties?

Be transported to exotic places with music from the Middle East.

29. Li’l Richard and His All Stars: Happy Easter

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Yet, he probably got that nickname while in prison for armed robbery. And no, I don’t think the bunnies soften his rough-hewn image.

No, he’s not that L’il Richard.

30. The McKeithens

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I mean the one woman has a beehive that’s straight from the 1700s. And yes, this is a Christian album.

Brought to you by Marie Antoinette hair products.

31. Jean Pierre Jumez: The Nimble Fingers of Jean Pierre Jumez

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Seriously, is this guy even wearing pants? Maybe I really don’t want to know.

He’s a musician so dedicated to his art that he practices on the toilet.

32. Siegfried Schwab & the Voice of Rosy: The Fabulous Guitar from Bach to Almeida

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Ironically, Johann Sebastian Bach wasn’t known for being a perv. In fact, he was a family man known for fathering 20 kids with 2 wives.

Didn’t know Bach was into women in pink bodysuits.

33. Sister Mary Bernadette O.P.: Sister Sings of Many Things

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So what kind of things does she sing about? Okay, I know religious music is most likely. But for all I know she could be singing about pina coladas or something.

There’s not just one singing nun out there.

34. Daniel DiCarlo and His Orchestra: Moonlight Madness

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Indeed, she’s touching the whiskers of a guy in a tiger suit. An early example of furry fandom at its finest.

Featuring Ginger and her tiger friend.

35. Buzz Martin: Where There Walks a Logger There Walks a Man

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Monty Python lumberjack-transvestite jokes aside, loggers aren’t known for their resilience. Should more appropriately be titled: Where There Walks a Logger There Walks a High Insurance Risk.

Because lumberjacks are the pinnacle of manliness.

36. Willeta Boren: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise the Lord

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And yet, the wind has no effect on her large hairdo. Thanks to copious amounts of hair spray.

Here we have Willeta walking on the sand.

37. Black Sabbath: Born Again

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Man, that’s one freakish baby. Even has devil horns, fans, and claws. Still, Black Sabbath is a metal band so this isn’t out of the ordinary for them.

Featuring the infant spawn of Satan.

38. Cody Matherson: “Can I Borrow a Feelin?'”

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From Mental Floss: “Cody had the great honor of having his album title stolen by the writers of The Simpsons: in the episode “A Milhouse Divided,” after Milhouse’s dad loses his marriage and hits rock bottom he records a terrible album called “Can I Borrow A Feeling?” Sounds like Matherson should borrow a lawyer.”

By the hunkiest man from the trailer park.

39. The Melachrino Orchestra: Music for Daydreaming

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Yet, she feels quite inadequate with her life. With a boyfriend who won’t give her the time of day and a dead-end job, Blanche often sought to live a fantasy life.

Brought to you by the woman reading her book with a yellow rose.

40. ET: Best Friends

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Seriously, his pants have seashells on them. Also, comes across as a rap artist Eddie Murphy would parody on SNL during the 1980s.

Featuring his seashell pants.

41. W.W. Bauer, M.D. and Florence Marvayne Bauer: Explaining Sex to Your Little Girl: A Common Sense Guide to Growing Up

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Yeah, this is pretty awkward. And here the girl sits on her dad’s lap as he explains periods.

Need to explain sex to your daughter? This album could help.

42. Gary Dee Bradford: Gary Dee Bradford Sings for You and You and You

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Look into his eyes and you’ll see a soulless child from the Village of the Damned. Don’t let his smile fool you.

Here the voice of the kid who seems like he’d kill ants with a magnifying glass.

43. The Gospel Four: The Gospel Four Sings “I Won’t Walk Without Jesus”

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Seriously, look at their coats. Also, the woman’s bouffant is so garish. In addition, they seem like they’re watching a squirrel do something funny.

Sponsored by red denim.

44. Tex Ritter: Tex Ritter Sings “Happy Hands!”

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After all, children need clean hands in order to strangle the living daylights out of you. Seriously, those kids appear to be the stuff of nightmares.

Said to be “a song that teaches the value of clean and busy hands.”

45. Moscow Nights: Popular Russian Hits

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Apparently, they don’t party very hard in Russia. Though I think the happy couple dancing must be drunk on vodka. Since the others have blasé faces.

Listen to the popular music of Russia.

46. Music to Massage Your Mate By

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However, this woman’s face says, “Not feeling it.” While the guy could almost pass for a 1970s porn star.

Rub down your mate with a collection of these tunes.

47. Weela Gallez: A Hysterical Evening with Weela Gallez

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And yet, she dresses like she’s just been on vacation. Still, that face as she’s holding her monkey in sheer horror is priceless.

Caption: “My turtle’s dead!”

48. Julia & Barbara the Blind Slye Twins: It’s Me Again Lord

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Sure they can’t see a thing. But they’re bound to haunt your dreams with their big hair and thirst for blood.

Hear the songs of Christian twins you wouldn’t want to run into at a haunted hotel.

49. Tubby Boots: Tubby Boots Goes Topless

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Yet, that doesn’t mean you should put nipple pasties on your man boobs. Also, is that a centurion helmet?

But why do an album on that?

50. W.A.S.P: Animal (F**k Like a Beast)

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I’m sure any guy looking at this album cover would freak out over the saw in the crotch belt. Seriously, that looks really painful.

Brought to you by the crotch ripper.

The Folded Paper World of Origami

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Derived from the Japanese words that mean “folding paper,” the goal of origami is to transform a flat sheet of paper into a finished sculpture through folding and sculpting techniques. Use of cuts, glue, and markings are usually discouraged. The small number of basic origami folds can be combined in a variety of ways to make intricate designs. Generally, these designs start with a square paper sheet whose sides may be of different colors, prints, or patterns. Traditional Japanese origami has been practiced since the Edo period has often been less strict about these conventions, sometimes even cutting the paper or using nonsquare shapes to start with. Nonetheless, while the traditional origami is derived from the Edo period with a reference from a 1680 poem, the practice is said be introduced by Buddhist monks in the 6th century. At first, origami was only used in religious ceremonies due to the high price of paper. Though they were also used at weddings and as gifts by the upper classes. Anyway, look into Pinterest and you’ll find plenty of origami designs and types. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of creations from the world of origami.

  1. You’d fall for this paper raccoon.

Seems like this little guy’s searching for some nearby trash can. Since raccoons normally go for the scraps.

2. Apparently, origami has gone to the dogs.

These seem like different types of dogs. Includes Boston Terrier, Bulldogs, and Pug.

3. Perhaps you’d want something from a diamond box.

Yes, you can make boxes from origami. Yet, this shape might be more complicated.

4. Care to see a magnificent creature like this on the savannah?

Here we have an origami rhino. Have it cast a shadow and you’d mistake it for the real thing.

5. Any Catholic would love to have an origami of their favorite saint.

This is an origami of Saint Francis of Assisi. Includes a dog and bird.

6. A griffin always shows its fantastic wings.

I can guess because of the beak. Yet, this one even sports antlers for some reason.

7. You won’t be hearing these bluebirds sing.

Since they’re made of paper. But they nonetheless look quite graceful.

8. Wonder what’s hiding within these hearts.

Each of these even have a bow on them. And they’re all in shades of pink.

9. There are hundreds of folds within a bonsai.

Doesn’t have a lot of leaves on its branches. Yet, it’s a great work of paper art.

10. A hippocampi rises majestically from the sea.

You could call it a seahorse, but that term is already taken. So we call it a hippocampi, which comes from the Greeks.

11. Hope this frog can hop into your hearts.

This one is teal with yellow stripes on it. Yet, its eyes have a certain intensity.

12. Even in paper, a dragon is a sight to see.

This is of a Chinese dragon which is more serpent like. But not as dangerous as its western counterpart.

13. You won’t hear these brass bells ring.

Since they’re made of shiny paper. But they’re nicely topped with a blue bow.

14. An origami Christmas tree must have a star that stands out.

This one has paper folded in tiers. Yet, the golden star almost steals the show.

15. This crow has a piece of gold in its mouth.

Or is it a raven? Since you can’t always tell in these artistic creations. But I’m sticking with crow just to be safe.

16. Bet you wouldn’t play on this grand piano.

Probably smaller than it appears. But at least it incudes a row of keys.

17. Any Catholic would want this paper Virgin Mary.

This is Mary, Queen of Heaven. She wears a crown and a veil of stars.

18. Perhaps you might want to enjoy a bouquet of irises.

And you don’t even need a vase for these. Just some paper to hold it together.

19. This silver angel always delights.

She has silver wings and bows to pray. Perfect for topping an origami Christmas tree.

20. Bet you never saw a duck like this before.

This is just a plain white duck with yellow beak and feet. Yet, this waterfowl will get soggy if submerged.

21. You wouldn’t want to run into this this Imperial fighter.

I’m sure making this harder than it looks. But it proves futile if it defends the Death Star.

22. Some might prefer a modest donkey.

Well, this donkey seems to have a rather long neck. Yet, it can be rather stubborn.

23. You’ve probably never come across this unicorn.

Yes, this is an origami unicorn. Yet you have to admire its mane and tail.

24. You don’t want to put this waterlily in the pond.

The flower is periwinkle. Though it’s not set on a lily pad.

25. These paper flamingos are particularly striking.

They have a light pink body and bright pink legs. And no, you can’t use them for croquette mallets.

26. I’m sure nobody could resist this rat chef.

I guess this is Remy the Rat from Ratatouille. By the way, rats don’t do well in the kitchen.

27. Perhaps you might go for an origami of Our Lady of Fatima.

Not familiar with the legend of Fatima. Except that involves the Virgin Mary appearing in front of some kids.

28. You’ll be mesmerized by this origami star.

Perfect for any origami Christmas tree. Yet, involves a lot of complex folds.

29. You’ll be nuts over this origami animal.

Since it’s a paper squirrel. Too bad, it can’t find any kind of paper acorns.

30. Apparently, this fish has jumped out of the pond.

I think this is based on a real fish. But I’m afraid you won’t be frying this one since it’s made of paper.

31. I’m sure you wouldn’t see this Snoopy dance.

Since he’s an origami work. But certainly captures the true Snoopy likeness.

32. This paper Batman will always loom on Gotham City.

Of course, he only has a cape and cowl. But with origami, you have to improvise.

33. You’ll probably gawk at this majestic whale.

This is an origami of a blue whale. It’s perhaps the biggest animal on earth.

34. A lone flower can always blossom.

Not sure what flower this is supposed to be. But you have to admire the white petals.

35. Want to sit on this lily pad?

Though you wouldn’t want to put it on a pond. Goes well with an origami frog.

36. This origami cow will give you something to moo about.

This is an origami cow. Has spots, horns, and a sunny disposition. So cute.

37. Care for an origami rose?

These come in a wide array of colors. And none without stems or thorns.

38. How about a bear standing on its hind legs?

Guess this is an origami grizzly bear. Even has its own tree stand.

39. Anyone would be envious of this golden sabertooth.

this origami sabertooth is made from golden paper. But nonetheless looks fierce.

40. This origami penguin will warm your heart.

This little guy has his own tuxedo. And yes, it’s adorable as can be.

41. Bet you can’t believe seeing an origami orchid.

You can see a cascade of paper yellow flowers from the stem. Yet, please handle this pot with care.

42. Care to see a crawling black bear?

Then again, there are a few species of black bears. I’m just referring to the one from North America.

43. No one can resist these colorful gems.

They’re all in bright colors, too. Yet, these gems may be hard to fold.

44. There’s something batty about this origami.

Well, it’s an origami bat. And while they normally have black, gray, or brown fur, this one is purple.

45. A paper phoenix is always a majestic sight to behold.

This one comes with a very long tail. But if it burns, don’t bet on it rising from the ashes.

46. Any Formula 1 fan would love this paper race car.

Not very familiar with that kind of racing. Since the dominant auto racing in the states is usually NASCAR.

47. You’ll never forget this paper animal.

This is an origami elephant. And it’s gray with ears, trunk, and tusks.

48. You’d be pressed not to love these paper mammoths.

Not sure if they’re woolly. But both adult and calf have a similar set of tusks.

49. There’s nothing as graceful like an origami swan.

This is made from white and gold paper. And the folds are quite intricate.

50. Who wouldn’t what this rainbow chest of drawers.

I don’t think you can fit anything inside these. But they’re rather adorable.

51. This Emperor penguin always comes with its 2 chicks.

Okay, they may be in origami. Yet, everyone loves penguins so I couldn’t leave it out of this post.

52. For a simple paper design, a pig might suit you.

It’s made from a simple piece of pink paper. And yes, it can stand on its own 4 feet.

53. This little girl always loves her bird in her hand.

Bet this is made from a brown paper bag. Yet, you can’t help but admire this origami masterpiece.

54. This green dragon is a force to be reckoned with.

This one stands on its hind legs. And its chest is folded like a book.

55. A paper giraffe always stands tall.

Sure it may not have any spots. But it’s nonetheless quite amazing.

56. You’d be squawking over this colorful macaw.

Since the macaw is among the more colorful parrots around. Got to love its wings.

57. A lone fox always sits with grace.

You can see its ears, nose, and tail. Though you can’t help but behold how amazing it is.

58. Care for an origami spoon?

You wouldn’t want to eat with these. But they seem rather simple to make.

59. Nobody could resist this paper rubber duckie.

Of course, you wouldn’t want to have it at bath time. But it’s nonetheless so adorable.

60. You won’t believe how many kinds of horses you will find.

These origami horses come in all kinds of sizes and colors. But they’re all made of construction paper.

61. You can’t bomb a Death Star without an X-Wing fighter.

Indeed, it lacks markings. But it’s almost a dead ringer to the real thing.

62. You can’t go on a mission without this little droid.

Since R2-D2 is always saving everyone’s ass. And he never seems to get credit for anything he does that’s crucial to the plot.

63. You’ll have a hump of a time finding this camel.

Yes, it’s an origami camel. But good luck relying on this guy in the desert.

64. The mouse always gets the cheese.

Though the cat isn’t far behind. And yes, they’re all made out of paper.

65. Hope you can wish this paper couple well.

This is an origami bride and groom. Great as a wedding cake topper, so to speak.

66. Seems like these birds are coming to feed.

Consists of 4 types of birds. And yes, they’re all painted in glorious colors.

67. You can’t help but love these Japanese beauties.

All of them have their own hair and a rich kimono. Though many don’t have arms.

68. Best to watch out for this jellyfish.

Relax, it’s an origami jellyfish. So it won’t hurt you a bit.

69. Bet you don’t want to cross this scorpion.

Okay, this is a paper scorpion. Scary, but won’t hurt you.

70. Get a load of this majestic Pegasus.

This winged horse sports a folded paper pair of wings. And it’s made from off white paper.

71. This paper collie is always a faithful friend.

Sure it might not save your kid from a well. But it’s quite creative nonetheless.

72. Didn’t know anyone had a wide paper wardrobe.

Yes, these are origami clothes. And they can be in so many bright colors.

73. You’ll be jumping over this kangaroo.

Not sure if it comes with a pouch. Though it is a marsupial from Australia.

74. Would you like some ice cream?

Of course, you can’t eat it. Since it’s made out of paper. But it’s a rather ingenious design.

75. Anyone would adore these paper Dalmatians.

They even have spots and collars to show. And they’re standing on a green sheet of paper.

76. There’s no creature more magnificent than the mighty polar bear.

And it’s standing on its own hind legs. Yet, I’m sure global warming won’t help its survival odds.

77. What’s not to love about rainbow rabbits?

And they’re all in a circle for all to see. And yes, they’re quite cute.

78. Celebrate the holidays with this origami nativity scene.

Includes all the important figures. While the angel flies above watching them.

79. Per chance you might come across a mighty moose.

This is a gray moose. Since it’s made from gray construction paper.

80. You might run into this ravenous wolf.

Indeed, it’s a gray wolf. And I think it’s waiting for the pack.

81. You’d think this animal is as pretty as a peacock.

This one is made out of blue and peacock blue paper. And the folds are quite intricate as you see.

82. You’d be amazed by these autumn leaves.

These are all in fall colors. Though they’re all maple leaf shaped.

83. You’d go a long way with this dachshund.

It’s in black and brown paper. But it’s okay to pet it if you want to.

84. Care for a couple of purple tulips?

Like how these two are in a nice purple paper vase. So pretty.

85. Perhaps you’d like to have one of these cactus flowers.

Each of these cacti are in a shade of green. And each sits on a flower pot.

86. There’s nothing more spectacular like the mighty king of the jungle.

He even sports a mane with folds. Nonetheless, best you don’t touch it.

87. These origami pill boxes will come in handy.

Comes in standard and rainbow. And unlike the standard plastic ones, they don’t pose a great threat to the planet.

88. This origami deer certainly impresses.

Yes, the antlers are amazing. But you wouldn’t find a deer with a rack like that in PA.

89. You’d love to see this blackbird take flight.

This bird has its wings spread out. Though I don’t think it can fly.

90. Care for some rainbow candy?

Though none will contain any bon bons. Which is just fine since I’m more of a chocolate fan.

91. This paper Doberman stands in a dignified pose.

Indeed, it’s got quite a neck. But doberman fans can’t help but love it.

92. A mighty tiger always shows its stripes.

Though I’d use a brighter orange for the tiger. But it’s quite amazing.

93. Nobody could ever resist this panda bear.

It even has its own bamboo. Still, you knew I had to get to the panda at some point. So cute.

94. Hope you can light up with these paper lamps.

Technically, they’re lamp shades. Each is folded in its own way.

95. With the Holy Spirit, God will find a way.

Well, it’s an origami of the Holy Spirit. The white bird is supposed to be a dove.

96. How could anyone not love this sheep?

Well, it’s a paper sheep. So you won’t get any wool from it.

97. Do you want to build a snow man?

These are origami snowmen. And yes, they have scarves, hats, and smiling faces.

98. This orca rises to catch a fish.

You’d almost think it was a photograph of nature in action. But the orca is made of paper.

99. Hope you’d love to see these boxes.

They’re in different colors and have rather intricate folds on them. Love the purple ones.

100. Anyone would adore this purple flower in their home.

Has dark purple in the center and lavender petals. So pretty.

The Art of LEGO

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They may be indestructible plastic blocks that hurt like hell when you step on them. But these colorful interlocking bricks from Denmark have had a special place in our hearts along with their yellow minifigure figurines. Since 1949, these bricks can be assembled and connected in a variety of ways to construct objects, vehicles, buildings, and even working robots. Anything built can be taken apart for another day. As of 2016, Lego has produced over 600 billion bricks while supporting movies, games, competitions, and 6 Legoland amusement parks have been developed under one of the world’s most powerful brands. And it’s because these bricks are so versatile that several people with too much time on their hands have turned the iconic LEGO into the realm of art with sculptures, models, dioramas, and mosaics. Many of these may imitate existing cultural artifacts and every day objects. Others have their own original design. But each is worth marveling at in its own way. So for your own reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of Lego works of art.

  1. You’d almost think Whistler’s mother would come to life in the brick.

Kind of seems a bit life size and 3-dimensional. But almost appears you’re in the room with her.

2. Perhaps a small Lego country church may suit you.

These Lego buildings can be small enough for a table top. While some can be large to take up a whole room. Also, there seems to be a wedding taking place here.

3. Try breaking off a piece of this Kit Kat Bar.

Sure you can’t eat it. Since it’s made out of plastic bricks. But it’s quite interesting to look at.

4. You’ll never have to water a Lego bonsai.

Such a delicate structure that you’d almost mistake it for the real thing. Yet, at least it’s easy to maintain since you don’t have to water it.

5. Feel free to color your world with these crayons.

Actually you can’t do that since they’re made of Legos. But one of them is slightly unwrapped.

6. Looks like Mt. Brick Helens has finally blown its top.

Got to like the Lego clouds. Wonder how the artist managed to keep the whole thing on balance.

7. You’d almost swear that this Lego King Tut façade is straight from Ancient Egypt.

Well, it’s certainly quite colorful. And King Tut seems like he’s smiling at this angle.

8. Perhaps you can use a lawn mower for your grass.

You’d almost think it was a real lawn mower. But it’s mostly made from Lego and can’t actually cut grass.

9. A Concorde jet can travel at supersonic speeds.

Unfortunately, you can’t fly on one of them. But you have to admire this LEGO model.

10. Live on Tape from the Brick Sullivan Theater in New York City, it’s Stephen Colbert.

Can’t get through the Trump Administration without this guy. Still, like how they use a pair of glasses for his Lego bust.

11. Bird lovers will enjoy this perched blue jay.

Indeed, this is a small creation. But it’s nonetheless lovely to look at. So pretty.

12. Take a glance at this Lego sailing ship.

This one has tall sails and a red hull. However, I have to admit it looks great on a shelf.

13. Be careful with this Ming vase.

Actually it’s made from sturdier stuff than porcelain. But you don’t want to drop it either.

14. Behold, the ruins of ancient Greece.

Wonder if this is supposed to be a Lego version of the Athenian acropolis. Nonetheless, it almost seems like the real thing.

15. “Help! There’s a giant gorilla climbing the Empire State Building!”

As we all remember that iconic scene from King Kong. And yes, it’s all in Lego and in a large warehouse.

16. Perhaps this ornate clock will tell you the time of day.

Yes, it’s a Lego cuckoo clock. But unlike what Harry Lime says in The Third Man, it wasn’t invented in Switzerland.

17. How about a bear head on your wall?

Don’t worry, it’s just made out of Lego bricks. Yet, it carries an expression of a bear in the headlights after it shit in the woods.

18. Here’s Sheriff Woody and Buzz Lightyear like you’ve never seen them before.

Since 1995, Woody and Buzz have been close friends and icons at Pixar and Disney. And they’re quite giant size in Lego.

19. If you love Virginia, take some time to see Thomas Jefferson’s beautiful Monticello.

Yes, it’s a scaled down Lego model. But you have to admire the close resemblance.

20. Care to explore this jungle waterfall?

Can’t believe you can make such a landscape with such bricks. Love the waterfall and trees.

21. This Lego moon base is out of this world.

Though it seems more like a galactic metropolis than anything. But it’s amazing to see with its colorful towers.

22. If you’re a fan of The Hobbit, you might enjoy this magnificent village.

It’s the village you see near the dwarf’s mountain city. You know the one that has Smaug and a shitload of treasure.

23. Anyone can admire a graceful Bald Eagle.

And it’s perched on a ledge. Still, it’s the animal symbol of the USA. And it’s no wonder.

24. All aboard to an exotic location on this Lego Cruise Line.

And yes, it’s surprisingly huge. But you really don’t want things going wrong on a cruise ship vacation.

25. If you’re from the Philippines, you’d smile at this Lego map.

It’s a map of the Philippines with some of it’s structures on it. I’m sure anyone from that country would enjoy this work of art.

26. This Lego Cinderella would outshine at any brick ball.

Well, she certainly has the Disney charm in her blue dress. But once she leaves her glass shoe, you’ll be scrambling to search for her.

27. Nobody can resist these Lego penguins.

Comprises of an adult emperor and chick. And yes, they’re just as adorable as the real thing.

28. A Lego Hogwarts castle is certainly a place for magic.

And yes, it’s simply massive as you can see. In some pictures, it even lights up.

29. Any Hobbit would love to live at Lego Bag End in the Shire.

Well, this is a small model. But it’s akin to a lovely hobbit hole in the countryside.

30. Dr. Seuss fans would rejoice with this Lego Sam I Am.

But I would rather not try his green eggs and ham. Because I don’t want to get any bad case of food poisoning.

31. This small Dresden cathedral seems almost heavenly.

Yes, it’s an amazing Lego replica. But I hear the rest of Dresden isn’t quite as picturesque.

32. You will thaw over this Lego polar bear mom with her cubs.

Too bad these beautiful creatures are losing their habitat due to climate change. Since they rely on the ice so much in their Arctic home which is melting at record rates.

33. I guess this is a modest dwelling for a samurai.

Sure it’s not as spectacular as the other Japanese Lego structures. But you have to love the garden and bridge on this.

34. You might gaze at the Washington Mall.

Of course, the Washington Mall is much bigger than that. Yet, this one includes the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument.

35. Anyone would marvel at this Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton.

This one has a nest of eggs. nearby. Yet, it’s a prehistoric Lego masterpiece.

36. Get a load of this giant Blackberry phone.

He even has his own face in the screen. And it’s all made out of Legos.

37. Check these Lego sculptures from a galaxy far, far away.

These consist of Darth Vader and Chewbacca. And I’m sure the Force is strong with them.

38. Anyone would love to have a moose mounted on their wall.

And it’s all made out of Lego bricks. Perfect for any cozy study or living room.

39. You don’t want to mess with the powerful Maleficent.

Since she can turn into a fire breathing dragon. And here’s a replica of her against Prince Philip.

40. Perhaps you might want to put some Legos under a microscope.

Well, this is a Lego microscope. Not sure if it works. But it’s quite cool to see.

41. Look no further for the seat of British power.

These are the Houses of Parliament and the seat of the British government, which Guy Fawkes tried to blow up. And yes, it includes the famous Big Ben Tower.

42. Care for a Lego Eggo for a complete breakfast?

Actually you don’t want to eat it since it’s made from Legos. But it has butter and syrup on it.

43. Wes Anderson fans would adore this Grand Budapest Hotel.

And yes, the Grand Budapest is in its exquisite 1930s decadent glory. Don’t ask about its concierge Gustave.

44. Didn’t know you can make a globe with plastic blocks.

You have to marvel at the exquisite detail, too. I mean the topography is almost top notch.

45. Had no idea that Santa’s workshop was an underground operation.

Has a whole assembly line and everything. And you’d think it was a lone house with a tree.

46. Explore the wonders of Lego Petra.

This is a replica of a palace that was built into a rock face. And its revelation has made it the stuff of legend.

47. You’d almost think this Starry Night mosaic is the work of a master.

Well, a master Lego artist copying from Van Gogh’s most famous work. And yes, it’s almost spot on in Lego.

48. No need to worry about this offshore oil rig.

Since it’s made of Legos and constructed just for show. So you won’t have to worry about a massive oil spill like Deepwater Horizon.

49. Someone must’ve crashed their plane.

Now they’re stranded in the wilderness and not sure where to go. But at least the plane didn’t explode upon landing in the trees.

50. With this Lego light bulb, you can light up the world.

Though you’d have to use a light bulb inside the light bulb. But it’s nonetheless amazing.

51. Want to drive this Ford Model T?

It’s more of a scaled down model made from Lego. But like the original, only available in black.

52. A rainbow pinwheel flower can always please.

And boy, what a large flower it is. Not sure if can actually turn though. But it’s pretty.

53. All aboard the RMS Titanic.

Actually, I’d rather not since I know what happened. Still, this Lego replica of the doomed ocean liner is immense.

54. You’ll probably have to assemble this one all by yourself.

Since it’s a Lego IKEA. You know the Swedish store for furniture you have to put together yourself.

55. 3, 2, 1, Houston, we have liftoff.

This is a Lego shuttle launch. Looks quite amazing in an indoor setting, doesn’t it?

56. Nobody could imagine this Lego map of the world.

This one includes the Earth’s topography. And yes, you can lay it down flat.

57. Lego American Gothic is a new twist on an iconic masterpiece.

This is in a similar mode as Whistler’s Mother. And yes, it’s quite spot on.

58. Ride along the river with this golden dragon boat.

Guess this is a Lego replica of a royal barge. Not sure where this is supposed to be from.

59. If you’re a Warhol fan, you might appreciate this Lego mosaic.

That’s the iconic Campbell Soup picture if you’re wondering. Had to include this since Warhol was a native of Pittsburgh.

60. Wonder how many are in this nesting doll.

This is a Lego Russian nesting doll. I’m sure you’ll find plenty of smaller ones inside another.

61. Perhaps you might want to live in a treehouse near a waterfall.

Indeed, it gives a rather breathtaking view. But this Lego replica can just as well be a work of art.

62. Please stop and smell the roses or tulips. I’m not sure what these are.

Since Lego flowers can be hard to identify. But they’re nonetheless pretty.

63. “That’s one small step for man..”

Care to salute a Lego astronaut? Wonder if he’s almost life size.

64. A majestic hawk can always spread its wings.

Wonder what kind of hawk this is supposed to be. Since it seems incredibly huge to be life size.

65. If you’re the proper sort, you might like Lego Downton Abbey.

Yes, there’s a Lego Downton Abbey. And I’m sure you’ll be pissed if any of the minifigs die, too.

66. Lego Santa Claus wishes you a Merry Christmas.

And he on a wintry backdrop. Still, he’s quite lifelike and life-size.

67. Lego Captain America is Marvel’s patriotic champion.

Yet, I wonder why he can’t save us from our country’s biggest threat. Like Donald Trump in the White House. Oh, wait, he’s a fictional character.

68. Set your hands on this Greek column.

Well, it’s a Lego column. And yes, it’s quite Ionic if you ask me.

69. You’d almost think you were inside a mummy’s tomb.

However, these are all made out of Legos. But the resemblance is quite close.

70. A Lego Vatican is the answer God has been waiting for.

This was made by a priest, by the way. But it’s nonetheless spectacular.

71. A Moai statue will surely please admirers.

We’re still not sure why the people of Easter Island erected these massive statues. But you can’t help but appreciate this.

72. Even Jabba the Hutt can’t resist this Han Solo in carbonite.

Yes, there’s even a Lego version for that. And yes, it’s almost life size.

73. While Harry isn’t at Hogwarts, he loves spending summers at the Weasley’s Burrow.

The Burrow may not be the most stable place. But it’s home to the Weasleys. Still, this is a great Lego replica.

74. Want to shoot some pool?

And yes, these are all made from Legos. Not sure if you can actually play with these. But they’re quite cool.

75. Travel the Mississippi River on this quaint old steamship.

While it may evoke feelings of nostalgia for a bygone time, these were very dangerous in their day. Seriously, these were prone to fires.

76. Of course, I had to include a Renaissance masterpiece.

This is the Mona Lisa in Lego form. And her smile is as enigmatic as ever.

77. Anyone want to enjoy a turkey dinner?

And yes, it seems to look quite good. Though you wouldn’t want to eat it. Care for a drumstick?

78. You have to admire these colorful parrots.

They’re even on a Lego ledge. But don’t try to get either to talk.

79. Anyone in Paris can appreciate the Arch de Triomphe.

It’s one of the most famous landmarks in Paris. After the Eiffel Tower, the Lourve, and Notre Dame Cathedral, of course.

80. Abu Simbel is a temple fit for a Pharaoh.

The temple was built by Ramses II, by the way. But this is a replica in Legoland.

81. “Someday we’ll find it, the Lego connection…”

Yes, this is Lego Kermit the Frog with a banjo. Built for the lovers, the dreamers, and me.

82. You’d be tickled by this silly old bear.

This is a Lego Winnie the Pooh. Such an inoffensive character yet he’s somehow banned in China.

83. Best you beware of this ferocious Tiger.

This one even has fangs. But it’s harmless since it’s made out of Lego.

84. Indiana Jones has just come from an epic adventure.

Wonder what kind of ancient structure he had to destroy to get that trinket. Yes, I know it belongs in a museum.

85. Care to ride in this rainbow hot air balloon?

However, I’m not sure it can float up in the air. Because hard plastic can be rather dense.

86. This Lego family is just taking a rest.

This is from a Legoland, by the way. But they seem a rather happy family.

87. Try launching this rocket, NASA.

This is a Lego replica of a Saturn V. The rocket used to launch astronauts to the moon.

88. Bet you can’t catch this Roadrunner.

And Wiley Coyote would know more than anything. Since he’s been through hell and back trying to catch this impossible bird.

89. Lo and behold, He has risen!

Here’s Lego Jesus in front of a stained glass window. And yes, he’s glorified within the white brick.

90. Anyone would be mesmerized by this snowy owl.

Don’t worry. It won’t claw or bite you. Nor will it deliver your mail.

91. Even if it leans, the Tower of Pisa will still stand.

This is a Lego version of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Since it was built on rather unsteady ground.

92. Nobody could resist this ornery and adorable BB8.

BB8 is basically R2-D2 on steroids. And yes, he’s quite versatile and feisty.

93. Beware of the dreaded monster of the deep.

Yes, the Lego shark is ferocious with its sharp teeth. But it won’t hurt anyone.

94. Feel free to walk around the US Capitol.

This is the Lego US Capitol. Note the lack of protestors. Still, it looks magnificent.

95. At Legoland, your wedding will have a cake like this.

Well, it’s a Lego wedding cake that will only be used for decoration. Because hard plastic isn’t edible.

96. Many Bothams died building this.

Actually, that’s the wrong Death Star. But if you’re building a Lego Alderaan, you might want to stay clear of this guy.

97. With a castle like this, dreams will come true.

This is a Lego replica of Cinderella’s castle at Disney World. It also appears on the Disney logo.

98. Mt. Olympus is reputed to be the home of the gods.

Well, the gods of Ancient Greece. A dysfunctional family of jerks who commit incest and do whatever they damn well please no matter. Just don’t tell them you’re better than them and they will put you through hell.

99. Haiga Sophia is the jewel of Constantinople (now Istanbul).

It’s an architectural marvel known to withstand earthquakes. Nonetheless, you have to love the massive dome and minarets.

100. This painting is well worth a scream.

It’s a Lego version of Edvard Munch’s The Scream. And it’s 3-dimensional, too.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Fourth Edition)

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After Thanksgiving, it’s not unusual to hear Christmas music played in stores as well as on several radio stations. And if you work in the service industry, you’re probably sick of hearing Christmas songs already, especially if they make your ears bleed. Of course, you may also see an array of Christmas albums by some of your favorite recording artists who worked on them during the summer. In some ways, recording a Christmas album might seem like a good idea. After all, some artists have recorded songs that have become holiday classics. Yet, other times a Christmas album might come across as a way to make money and will probably end up in the discount rack at a store near you. Nevertheless, as with any albums, Christmas albums come in a wide variety of covers. Some of them could seem tame like the Johnny Mathis cover above. But others come in covers that are hysterically tacky or in very poor taste. And in that case, you might wonder why anyone though such a design was a good idea. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy Christmas album covers.

  1. Gisele MacKenzie: Christmas with Gisele

Apparently, the dogs seem to have others ideas. Also, is she hugging a fur coat?

There’s nothing better than spending Christmas with your dogs.

2. RuPaul: Ho Ho Ho

I’m sure this yuletide drag routine is fine for RuPaul’s Drag Race. But for a Christmas album? Not so much. Also, the title doesn’t help matters either.

Evidently, RuPaul has tried to make forays into the Christmas music scene.

3. Yoko Ono: An Xmas Message from Yoko 1991

This doesn’t seem to be very Christmasy. Nothing here seems to inspire good cheer at all. Just a vast blackness.

Yoko would like to say something for the holiday season.

4. Bette Midler: Cool Yule

Bette Midler looks as if she’s about select tributes on Reaping Day. Not celebrate Christmas.

Didn’t know that Bette Midler was a fan of the Hunger Games.

5. God Jul Onskar

Though Towa couldn’t seem to eke a smile since a fly had been buzzing around her. This was the best she could do.

The whole gang would like to wish you holiday greetings.

6. Liberace: Christmas at Liberace’s

Then again, Santa was probably expecting a gaudy palace. And he was disappointed that he came to surprisingly normal furnishings.

Somehow Santa Claus wasn’t impressed by Liberace’s Christmas decorations.

7. John Travolta and Olivia Newton John: This Christmas

Guess the chemistry they had in Grease has evaporated. Also, is that John’s real hair?

I guess this is the Grease reunion none of us wanted.

8. Jingle Cats: Here Comes Santa Claws

Can’t believe you’d find another cat singing album. Still, the cat on the guitar is hilarious.

For those wanting to listen to cats screeching to holiday favorites, this is for you.

9. The Clancy Brothers: Christmas

Don’t seem to have any Christmas decorations here. But you have a couple glaring Irish stereotypes.

There’s nothing better than spending Christmas in an Irish pub.

10. Mojo Nixon and the Toadliquors: Horny Holidays

Yeah, that guy seems more suited for a sex offender list than a Christmas album cover. And no, the Santa hat and beard doesn’t help.

Merry Christmas, from your local neighborhood sexual deviant.

11. Bob Ward: Merry Christmas, Especially for You

No, I don’t think the girls like Bob from accounting because he plays the organ. Rather it’s because he spends his lunch breaks creeping in the ladies room.

Because nothing makes the holidays like a creepy bald guy playing Christmas music on his organ.

12. A Brass Band Christmas

I’m sure the music is good. But depicting instruments as cartoon characters is more appropriate for a kids’ album.

We all know how brass guys stick together during the holidays.

13. Afroman: Jobe Bells

Though I do think seeing the reindeer with a cigarette is quite amusing. Then again, maybe that explains the look on Santa’s face.

Apparently, this Santa’s breaking all the rules.

14. Bob Kames: Organ and Chimes

From Music Radar: “As far as we know, this is the only one that looks like a carefully posed backwoods murder scene.” Caption reads: “Bob Kames, now in the Black Lodge forever.”

For Christmas would never be without a small decorated tree in the woods.

15.   Anne Sofie von Otter: Home for Christmas

From Classic FM: “OK, so there’s a massive ghost version of ASVO, a creepy beach scene and a child on some sort of weird camping chair being pushed by an unknown adult. If that’s Christmas in the Otter household, we dread to think what happens at New Year.”

Christmas is always about spending time with family.

16. Bad Religion: Christmas Songs

Though why a boy would be exhilarated to receive a new pair of loafers is beyond me. Seriously, that’s a face of a boy who gets an Xbox.

After all, Christmas is about the joy of giving.

17. Canadian Brass: Christmas Time Is Here

From Classic FM: “We can’t fault the repertoire on this album, but the horrifying cover art is all over the place. And you’d think they’d get cold, gaily larking about on that incredibly realistic ice rink.”

Apparently, their rendition of A Charlie Brown Christmas wasn’t a rousing success.

18. Cheeky Girls: Have a Cheeky Christmas

From Official Charts: “It’s never inappropriate for two grown women to straddle a man dressed as Santa, is it?” Either way, Santa doesn’t seem to mind.

Apparently, Santa thinks these two have been very good this year.

19. Kiri Te Kanawa: Christmas with Kiri Te Kanawa

From Classic FM: “Dame Kiri is so excited about Christmas this year that she’s decided to wear nothing but Christmas decorations.” Kind of makes sense.

On Christmas it helps if a diva always shimmers.

20. Christmas with the Choral Scholars of King’s College, Cambridge 

From Classic FM: “What do you mean we forgot to do the album artwork? Oh never mind, just knock something together with MS Paint, no-one will know. Clip-art’s really popular now anyway.”

Enjoy the season with the sound from the Cambridge University choir.

21. Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton: Once Upon a Christmas

From Music Radar: “This country coming-together is a spin-off from another Christmas special, CBS’ Kenny & Dolly: A Christmas To Remember from 1984. It’s also the exact moment at which Dolly Parton stopped aging – that mounted reindeer shows more wear from the last quarter century than the miniature dynamo.”

For nothing makes a country Christmas during the 1980s like a collaboration album with Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton.

22. Dapper Laughs: Proper Naughty Xmas

From Official Charts: “We don’t really have much to say about this absolute monstrosity but you can’t keep using ‘it’s cold’ as an excuse, Dapper…”

Please tell me that guy’s at least wearing underwear.

23. Donny Osmond: Christmas at Home

Donny Osmond here seems like he’d rather spend the holidays outside in the freezing cold than spend time with his family. And we thought the Osmonds were a happy bunch.

There’s no place like home for the holidays, unless perhaps you’re Donny Osmond.

24. Evie: