Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree at the Ugly Sweater Party (Sixth Edition)

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Now we get to the ugly Christmas sweaters. What was once the bane of every holiday wardrobe has now become a must-have item for the annual office party. Sure, there may be the traditional fare like Santas, gingerbread men, wreaths, reindeer, Christmas trees, and more. But you’d also see plenty of pop culture stuff and other things. You might see ones for Star Wars, Star Trek, TV shows, movies, and some weird things like sloths, unicorns, and tacos. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of ugly Christmas sweaters. Some may not be safe for work or your family during the holidays. Enjoy.

  1. Go ahead, put that tongue on the flag pole.
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But you’ll have to call 911 if your tongue sticks on a snowy day. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

2. This Christmas, just let it dough with the Pillsbury Doughboy.

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Great to wear when making Christmas cookies. Like the row of croissants.

3. You’d be all lit for Christmas in this sweater.

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Though I’m sure it comes with a battery pack. Santa and Frosty seem to delight in it.

4. Drink up this holiday season.

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This sweater states, “Shut Up and Drink” in gold tinsel. And yes, there’s a beer can in holly.

5. “Fra-jee–lay. Must be Italian.”

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This is a leg lamp sweater. And yes, there are leg lamps from top to bottom. Hilarious.

6. Don’t be a grumpy cat this Christmas.

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Okay, this isn’t Grumpy Cat. But the cat doesn’t seem enthusiastic in a Santa hat.

7. Even sharks can get into the holiday spirit.

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Though I doubt they’d wear sweaters under the sea. One even has a present in its mouth.

8. Someone’s got blue balls this year.

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Well, frosty balls, anyway. Still, guys, please don’t wear this in front of your relatives.

9. Santa’s shown his crack.

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And it seems like he’s wearing a thong while leaving presents. Seriously, shouldn’t he wear something more comfortable? Spending that night sitting on his sleigh must make him sore.

10. This guy’s all decked for the holidays.

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If you don’t have a tree in your office, you can have Gary wear this sweater. And yes, it’s mostly in green tinsel with ornaments.

11. Are all these black cats looking at me?

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This sweater has all of them wearing Santa hats. Perfect for your local crazy cat lady.

12. Apparently, Santa’s a rather horny man.

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Okay, considering it’s a black Santa saying “Hoes, Hoes, Hoes,” there’s some terrible racial stereotyping. Also kind of looks pretty pervy if you ask me.

13. The Scranton Dunder Mifflin office doesn’t always hold the best parties.

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This is from The Office. Michael wears a Santa hat. Dwight wears an elf one behind the Christmas tree.

14. Substitute Teacher’s not messing around.

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He’s from Key & Peele. He’s an inner city school teacher at a white school who mispronounces his students’ names. It’s funny.

15. This guy’s up for any reindeer action.

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Except that reindeer don’t have horns. They have antlers that fall off after mating season. At least along the males.

16. Nike even has ugly Christmas sneakers.

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Normal tennis shoes are a must have. Ugly Christmas tennis shoes are a waste of money. Since you only wear them once a year.

17. May your Christmas be merry and Dwight.

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And yes, I mean Dwight from The Office. Beware of beet presents and bears at Schrute Farms.

18. Even dogs can enjoy the ugly Christmas sweater trend.

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The dog wears a reindeer one with glasses. And no it doesn’t seem happy about it at all.

19. The Abominable Snowman holds up the mistletoe.

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Wonder what kind of abominable snow lady’s he’s looking to kiss under it. Might want to try Nepal.

20. Those into slasher horror will want this sweater for the holidays.

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Sure, they don’t have much to do with Christmas. Includes Freddie, Jason, Mike Myers, and Leatherface.

21. Perhaps you can decorate your own holiday sweater.

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This one depicts snow, lights, and snowflakes with stuff you find at a craft store. Not sure if the sweater’s home made though.

22. Get lit wearing this Christmas tree shirt.

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And yes, this one really lights up. Comes with candy cane striped sleeves, too.

23. Make your holidays a colorful rainbow spectacle.

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Features a rainbow Christmas tree in shiny beads. Love the golden star on top.

24. A shiny penguin sweater will certainly suit you.

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Well, the penguin’s wearing a Christmas tree tie. Decorated with fake poinsettias, ribbons, and tinsel.

25. Perhaps you’d like a Krampus Christmas sweater.

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The Krampus is plush. And he appears rather phallic. So better not wear it in front of the kids.

26. You can be a bit sloth this holiday season.

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Well, this is a sloth ugly Christmas sweater. Because sloths are cute with their eyes and sharp claws. This one wears a Santa hat.

27. Care to wear a little black dress?

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This sweater dress is decorated with silver bows and tinsel on the cuffs and skirt. Snazzy isn’t it?

28. Green feathers always make a Christmas sweater haute couture.

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Kind of makes her seem like the height of fashion. If she lived in Whoville.

29. Christmas Grizzly always knows how to party.

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Because he knows when you need a cold one. Also, he’s supposed to be hibernating.

30. John Calvin doesn’t care much for Christmas.

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Ironic he’s even on a sweater. Because didn’t he not celebrate it? After all, the Puritans didn’t and they were certainly influenced by his ideas.

31. Feel free to don an ugly Christmas skirt this holiday season.

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After all, these ladies did. 2 have winter scenes. One has Santas.

32. Always got to dedicate Christmas to the birthday boy.

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Here this ugly Christmas sweater features Jesus Christ, our Lord. Of course, you don’t want to know what his Easter sweater looks like. Also, he wasn’t treated better than Donald Trump.

33. Are you on the Nice List or the Naught List?

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By the way, if you take green, you’re nice. If you take red, you’re naughty.

34. Yes, they have Christmas sweaters for couples.

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These two have Christmas sweaters with each other’s pictures on them. Isn’t that sweet?

35. Ho, ho, ho, DJ Santa’s in the house.

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Okay, I might want to leave the party right now. I can’t stand Christmas music. Seriously.

36. Tis the season for outlandish tackiness.

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The guy here wears an atrocious elf costume. The woman wears a Christmas tree sweater dress. Not sure who’s tackier.

37. This Christmas, there’s something you must know.

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This is based off a conspiracy theory questioning Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide. Still, the guy was a heinous sex criminal who deserved what he got. So can’t we appreciate that he’s dead?

38. It wouldn’t be Christmas without the Wet Bandits.

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Yes, they’re terrible criminals who you wouldn’t want lurking around your house. But after what Kevin McAllister does to them, I’m not sure whether to root for their doom or pity them.

39. Look, Santa Claus came in on his sleigh.

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Well, he’s dressed as Santa. And his sleigh’s featured on his Christmas sweater. Kind of crazy isn’t it?

40. Don’t forget to put on a pair of ugly Christmas heels.

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Decorated with bows, gold tinsel, and bells. May jingle when you walk in them.

41. Everyone wants a Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich Christmas sweater this holiday season.

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The Popeye’s chicken sandwich was a hot menu item this year. So much that many restaurants faced mass panic as soon as they ran out.

42. Bugs really don’t like this time of year.

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Because it’s cold and many of them freeze and die. But they’ll come back in the spring. I guarantee it.

43. You might want to wear this hat to go with that leg lamp sweater.

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Says, “Fragile” meant to denote the package’s contents. Or Donald Trump’s ego.

44. Who ya gonna call this Christmas?

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This one features the Ghostbusters logo in a standard Christmas wreath. like the rows of decor. So funny.

45. Look out, Trump Grinch is out to steal…..well, everything.

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Says that his hands and heart were 2 sizes too small. You might say the same about his penis and capacity for humanity.

46. Forget reindeer. Santa’s got his sleigh pulled by pterodactyl.

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Sure it may seem cool. But remember those prehistoric flyers have been extinct for around 65 million years. Sorry, kid.

47. She’s not a player. She just gets crushes a lot.

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She means while she lusts in her heart, she doesn’t pursue other men. At least when at least one of them isn’t single.

48. Christmas sweater for 4?

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I’m sure they’re wearing stuff underneath. Since you want your hands free and not be around the same 3 people all the time. So this is just for the photo op.

49. Someone’s dreaming of a Dwight Christmas.

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Still, would you want Dwight to be at your Christmas party? Probably not since he’s really weird.

50. Let me introduce you to Frosty’s alcoholic cousin.

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He’s Frothy the Snowman. A magical snowman with a penchant for beer.

51. Seek Yoda Claus, you do.

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Wears Santa hat and robe he does. Carries candy cane everywhere, he does. Go all over you in a lightsaber duel, he will.

52. Don’t forget to get dressed in your best Christmas suit.

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And this is certainly not one you’d wear for church. Seriously, people will get eye problems looking at it.

53. Let it glow with this reindeer.

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He’s even wearing sunglasses and a matching sweater, too. Like the lights on his antlers though.

54. This Christmas, Santa sleighs the zombies.

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Because zombie elves are no match for the big man in the red suit. Do your worst, you brain-eating undead corpses.

55. With Donald Trump, Christmas trees are fake.

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Still, even if artificial, this Christmas tree’s more real than Donald Trump’s business and political successes ever will be. At least the impeachment will stick on him for the rest of his life.

56. “Spank me, Santa! Spank me hard!”

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Yeah, I know it’s dirty. But there are some people into it. Still, don’t wear this sweater at the family Christmas gathering.

57. Ever see Santa ride a shark before?

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Probably not. But you’d never think Santa could hold a trident or breathe underwater either.

58. Work for Dunder Mifflin? You might want this sweater.

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It’s the paper company from The Office. There’s even paper clips on here.

59. Didn’t think Santa knew how to dunk.

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Here he plays some ball with Rudolph and an elf. And why’s the elf on a basketball team. He’s obviously too short.

60. Yes, there’s a short version for that suit.

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Don’t know why anyone would wear one. Since it looks utterly ridiculous if you ask me.

 

SantaCon Costumes Are Coming to Town (Fifth Edition)

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Now we get to the Christmas outfits. Midway through the Christmas season is SantaCon, a day long public booze fest and orgy that could land a child in several years of therapy. Seriously, if kids see a bunch of drunk Santas around, they’ll have a lot of questions parents won’t be prepared to answer. Like how much does Santa drink? How’s his marriage to Mrs. Claus been lately? And what the hell was Santa doing with that elf in aisle 5 at Wal Mart? Then you have cops who dread this annual debauched Christmas tradition that has started in the States but now has spread worldwide. Now I don’t recommend people to dress up like a Santa, drink a shitload of booze, screw a snowman in public, and get a great Christmas mugshot at the local police station. In fact, you can’t since it was last Saturday. But I do encourage you to look at these SantaCon costumes.

  1. These 3 elf ladies are watching you.
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Though these women are rather naughty. Since they’ll be frolicking on the streets under the influence.

2. These women are insulated in their own snow globes.

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These are made from plastic, by the way. Yet, they wear ugly sweaters underneath. One’s a Christmas tree. The other’s a snowman.

3. Gangsta Santas are coming to town.

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One wears a suit with Christmas trees and wreaths. The other wears a Santa suit. Both have gold chains around their necks.

4. Let’s all hear it for the birthday boy.

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This is a Jesus costume. Though it’s more appropriate for the Easter passion play. But you can’t revel in booze and orgies during that time.

5. Santas always love to party.

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One guy wears a white clown wig. Also has chains over his Santa suit and green shirt.

6. Black fur always brings winter glamor.

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Yet, the skirt is way too short. So if you wear it, put on some leggings as well.

7. She seems quite frosty, doesn’t she?

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Once again, her skirt is too short. And I don’t think the socks will keep her warm either.

8. She takes Christmas in jest.

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She wears a Santa jester hat and sunglasses. The sunglasses say, “Ho Ho Ho.”

9. She walks out in striped socks.

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And she wears a short Santa dress with straps. Will obviously wear a coat at SantaCon, don’t you think?

10. This elf’s ready to please Santa.

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Indeed, since her skirt’s awfully short. If it weren’t for the fake fur trim, she’d work as a stripper Peter Pan.

11. Mrs. Claus always knows what Santa wants.

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She wears a long red dress and a lace cap. And yes, she knows all about her husband, doesn’t she?

12. She must be a flashy nutcracker soldier.

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It’s pink, sparkly, and trimmed with fur. And I’m pretty sure it’s worn by a mannequin.

13. She’s looking for something naught this Christmas.

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Since her outfit seems to resemble some kind of lingerie. Also includes Santa hat.

14. Don’t mess with these reindeer does.

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They just wear makeup and antlers. All the rest is regular winter clothing.E

15. Even Mickey Mouse attends SantaCon.

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He wears a Santa suit with his trademark shorts. Not sure how he keeps warm.

16. This elf is ready to party.

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She wears a green outfit with hood and a green and red tulle skirt. Comes with matching red sunglasses.

17. Kids approach Santa and his gang in Hawaii.

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Well, this doesn’t seem too bad. Santa even wears shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, too.

18. She comes tight laced in her Santa suit.

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Well, it’s more of a leotard. Hope her black pants can keep her warm through the Santa Con revelry.

19. Care to smile for a group photo?

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One’s dressed as a firefighter. Another’s dressed as a snowflake queen.

20. Santa and Mrs. Claus know how to have a good time.

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He wears a Christmas themed Hawaiian shirt. She dons a long fur and velvet red cape. Both wear sunglasses.

21. Just hanging around at the bar.

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You even have a few wise men here. One waves a Terrible Towel for some reason. So is this Pittsburgh?

22. Santa hangs out with a chimney girl.

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Well, she wears an ugly sweater. But she has a chimney hat on. So I’ll count that.

23. One elf carries a large sack.

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The sack is in red and white striped colors to match his sock. Wonder what’s inside it. And do I really want to know?

24. Perhaps a gray Santa suit will do nicely.

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The guy even wears one with presents and snowflakes. She just wears a red Santa coat with a red strapless top.

25. Want to hug a Christmas tree?

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Though he seems more dressed like a Christmas shrub. Even has ornaments hanging on him.

26. Krampus comes to town looking for brats.

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But here he just wants to have a good time. And yes, he’ll scar some onlooking kids for life. Even if they have no idea who he is.

27. These girls just want to have fun.

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Some are dressed in lights. One’s dressed as Cindy Lou Who from The Grinch.

28. Everyone wants to party with these Santas.

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Both of these guys wear sunglasses, too. One even has a rather interesting and unconventional Santa hat.

29. A simple Santa dress will do.

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Still awfully short. But at least it comes with fur leggings on the shins. So that’s something, isn’t it?

30. Strapless is always the way to go.

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She has fur trimmed gloves, too. Though I’m not sure about the Santa top.

31. Santa and Mrs. Claus stroll into town.

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Well, they wear rather conventional Christmas attire like you’d expect. Though Santa does carry a walking stick and jingle bells.

32. My, that’s a colorful Santa.

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This one wears a pirate hat with a colorful beard. Makes me wonder if this Santa was at Woodstock.

33. Mobster Santa gives good kids an offer they can’t refuse.

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And for bad kids, instead of coal, he makes them full of lead so they can more easily sleep with the fishes. He also smokes cigars.

34. Merry Hipster Christmas like it’s anywhere near mainstream.

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Sure she wears candy cane leggings under her fur coat. Because that’s totally not mainstream.

35. These ladies love to go on the town.

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Yet, they don’t appear to wear much. Wonder if either are shivering since it can get quite cold this time of year.

36. Hipster Santa knows what’s hip.

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Okay, this is a woman costume. But it’s quite skimpy and not meant for incredibly freezing temperatures.

37. The Grinch and Max will show you a good time.

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Must they have sexy costumes for everything? What’s next, Donald Trump? On second thought, please don’t let there be a costume of that stinking cesspit of a human being.

38. This elf girl is all jingles.

She wears an outfit of green and red. While her reindeer friend walks behind her.

39. These 3 Santas crashed a Mexican tequila bar.

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Since they’re all wearing sombreros. Well, 2 wear Santa suits and the other wears a red hoodie.

40. This snazzy man hangs out with his favorite elf.

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He wears a Christmas tree tie and a light necklace. Also sports a top hat for flair.

41. Even a Christmas cowgirl needs a drink.

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Here she sneaks a drink into her red and white jacket. Also sports a red cowboy hat.

42. I believe they’re on the merry side of the Force.

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They’re dressed as Han Solo, Princess Leia, and Chewbacca. All in their Christmas glory.

43. These women are on the street in their pajamas.

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Kind of weird to see them like this. Almost reminds of what you’d see with People at Wal Mart.

44. Here’s a rather unique Santa.

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He’s go a Santa hat on with spikes. While he warms himself in a black fur coat.

45. Perhaps you’d prefer a black Santa outfit instead.

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She also has purple hair and fishnet stockings. Not sure if it’s winter weather appropriate though.

46. Someone’s riding Santa’s shoulders.

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Seems like it’s his lucky day. Okay, it’s just a costume. And yes, it’s rather freaky.

47. Seems Frosty doesn’t come with much this year.

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She wears a rather short outfit. Wonder if she’s got any white leggings with it. Since she’s bound to freeze.

48. These elf girls enjoy a morning walk.

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If they’re not having fun at Santa Con, they’re working in Santa Land. Both wear leggings of red and green fur.

49. You can’t go up any shorter can you?

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Is she one of Santa’s hookers? Since she’s wearing a bra with her red shorts and suspenders.

50. Want to see these Santa girls?

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They all wear fake leather skirts with fur trim. They also wear Santa hats and strapped tops.

51. Jesus comes out to celebrate his birthday.

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He comes wearing a birthday hat. While a star appears beside him.

52. This reindeer girl is eager to please.

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Has Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer glasses. She also wears a Christmas vest and Santa hat.

53. This man is in his full Santa revelry.

He’s only partially covered. But his Santa hat has a large jingle on it.

54. Come to the Island of Misfit Toys.

Two Santas hang out with Yukon Cornelius and the toys. Toys present are the doll, the elephant and the Charlie-in-the-Box.

55. She’s a toy soldier. He’s being carried by Santa.

She has a little drum to beat. He’s got a trophy cup to show off. Not sure why.

56. Get a load of these 2 gingerbread figures.

Both are in rather cartoonish figures. Also, why cover their heads?

57. Seems like Santa gets on with the Grinch.

Well, I’m sure Christmas may get to Santa once in a while. After he’s got so much pressure to deliver billions of presents in one night.

58. Want to pose with Krampus?

That’s a rather scary monster. But these women don’t seem to mind too much.

59. You can’t go tighter than this.

Hey, at least she’s wearing pants. Her cuffs and neckline is trimmed with white fur.

60. Sometimes a coat is all you need.

She only wears a belt. While her legs are covered in black tights. Hope they’re thick enough for increment weather.

61. Sometimes people even bring their kids.

This Santa brings his kid dressed as an elf. Despite that Santa Con is no such place for kids.

62. Found him with the dreidel girl.

Yes, Waldo can be everywhere. Even among Santas in jumpsuits and fedoras.

63. A Christmas suit always gets the girls.

His suit has snowmen, Christmas trees, stars, and reindeer. And yes, one woman wears a Santa dress.

64. Santa’s taking his elf places.

Is that a segway? Still, one elf rides in the basket. As Santa drives.

65. Hanukkah Man comes with his gift bag.

He’s even wearing his menorah hat. While he’s put on his Hanukkah shirt.

66. Santa’s the mascot of Christmas.

Well, he pretty much is. Yet, this costume depicts him with a cartoonish head you wouldn’t want to be caught dead in.

67. She’s the height of candy cane couture.

She wears candy cane tights with pink and red furs. Her tiara’s made from pink and red icicles and baubles.

68. These toy soldiers are proud to serve Santa’s Army.

Though you’ll have to wind them up before they can march off to war. And they’re currently getting crushed by global warming.

69. At Santa Con, the Santas run with Jesus.

And apparently, the Santas find it hard to keep up. Despite that Jesus only wears sandals but no pants.

70. Hipster Santas take Santa Con by storm.

Well, there’s a reindeer among them. But one wears a beard with braids.

71. She’s all set to frolic among the Santas.

She wears a red Santa dress with a jacket of pom pom fasteners. Though her skirt’s rather short.

72. Ladies and Gentlemen, the King of the North Pole.

He’s dressed in a mashup of Santa and Elvis. And yes, he’s brimming with rhinestones.

73. Mrs. Claus sure knows how to dress.

Indeed, she’s in a lovely outfit with poinsettia hair decorations. But the Santa next to her really creeps me out.

74. Gingy’s really enjoying himself.

Here he stands with Santa. Not sure what the other 2 are supposed to be. Probably part of some ice skating show.

75. She prefers the company of penguins.

And they’re dressed like costumed mascots. Unfortunately, they’re not affiliated with the Pittsburgh Penguins.

76. This Santa comes in support of his team.

Not sure where this is. Yet, one dons a jersey that he thinks go with his shorts.

77. Why so serious during this holiday season?

Yes, this is a Joker Santa. And he’s got lights on his beard. Nonetheless, please keep away from him.

78. Bet you’d want this hippopotamus for Christmas.

Well, he’s dressed as a hippo. But hey, at least he’s not as dangerous a real one that would tear you to pieces.

79. Want to sound the heralds?

Here she wears her cheerful attire and blows her horn. Also carries a sack over her back.

80. There’s a robot in front of the White House.

Well, it’s a snowman bot. And I bet its here to freeze the Trump adminstration during the impeachment proceedings.

Scary and Eerily Adorable DIY Halloween Costume Inspirations (Fifth Edition)

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Here I’m dressed in a sexy witch costume from stuff I found at Goodwill. I was supposed to wear it for a party. However, due to that fucking piece of shit Donald Trump’s visit to a natural gas conference, it was postponed to next week. But since I have to work, I couldn’t go. So now I’m just wearing it for the blog.

I know it’s quite late for costumes since some places already have had their trick-or-treating days. But since it’s usually among the last of my Halloween posts, I go ahead with it, anyway. Nonetheless, while costume stores like Spirit Halloween are filled with any costume your heart desires, some people prefer to make their own. And there are plenty Internet guides to do that. Hell, Goodwill even encourages it. After all, I did this costume above. Though I could only use it for this blog post. Party City also does as well. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Halloween DIY costumes to inspire you. Enjoy.

1. The King of the North stands alongside the Mother of Dragons.

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Unfortunately, this relationship didn’t end well at all. Because Jon had to kill Daenerys for inflicting mass slaughter upon King’s Landing.

2. “A girl is no one.”

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Actually, “a girl is Arya Stark.” She’s supposed to be her when she’s being punished with blindness by the Faceless Men.

3. Feel free to spread your wings like a beautiful butterfly.

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You’d think she was touring with Cirque du Soleil. But that is her flamboyant butterfly costume. Or is that a guy?

4. “We all scream for ice cream.”

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Like how they make the little boy into the ice cream man. While the wagon’s a truck. The rest are supposed to be ice cream and other delights.

5. Miss Universe greets her many legions of fans.

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And yes, that’s how Miss Universe is supposed to be dressed. Kind of sad enough that all the winners come from Earth.

6. Going on a trip to India? You might want to consult the itinerary.

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He’s Owen Wilson from The Darjeeling Limited. He’s bandaged like that because he’s been through a very bad accident.

7. Now let’s bring on the burgers.

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He’s dressed as a charcoal grill. Still, don’t try to barbecue anything on him.

8. Want to play a game of Twister?

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If you land on red, you have to step on his junk. And you have 75% of doing so.

9. All hail Galacta, queen of the Universe.

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Hey, at least she’s not the Borg queen. Still, you got to love her amazing crown.

10. She is a true Picasso.

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As you can see from her face popping out of the frame. Yeah, didn’t know the women in Picasso’s paintings could exist in real life.

11. Don’t want to touch this boy.

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Since he’s a cactus. But even if you get hurt by touching him, at least you won’t get any serious infection.

12. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Rocket Man himself, Sir Elton John.

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Okay, I’m not sure who this guy’s supposed to be. But he’s dressed like you’d imagine Elton John to be on Mardi Gras. So I’m going with it.

13. Hail Maleficent, mistress of all Evil.

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Actually, she’s supposed to be her when she had wings. But King Stephen had to clip them off and run. What a jerk.

14. Want to ask a question? She may know the answer.

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Since she’s dressed like a Magic 8 ball. Wonder how she sits with that thing on.

15. When she shows up, feel free to walk across the street.

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For she’s supposed to be a crossing sign. Of course, she’s in a silhouette.

16. Now here’s a Toothless dragon.

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He’s dressed as Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon. And yes, he’s incredibly adorable.

17. Be careful when you’re in the mushroom garden.

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Yes, all the young women are dressed as mushrooms. While the guy in the middle is dressed as someone who’s clearly on them.

18. You might want to give these 3 women the right of way.

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Since they’re 3 blind mice. They even have their own sunglasses and red tipped cane to show they can’t see a thing.

19. You might love this delightful aardvark.

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She’s dressed as Arthur from the cartoon. Even wears the yellow sweater and white shirt collar.

20. There’s something a bit disturbing about this cat lady.

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Mostly because it’s a guy dressed as one. Yet, you have to like the cats on his pink robe.

21. Instead of being a princess, be a princess of the stars.

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And you don’t need to wear white and have your hair look like a couple of cinnabuns. A starry dress will do just fine for your space princess.

22. “Hold the door! Hold the door!”

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Such a tearkjerking scene. Nonetheless, the baby’s Hodor. The mother holds the door and acts as Hodor’s legs.

23. Here’s your Captain Limpet and his mermaid queen on your Carnival cruise line.

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She’s got blue hair to match her fish tail. Not to mention, carries a trident. He’s got a nice smart coat and captain’s hat.

24. Little Vincent Van Gogh paints his masterpiece.

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One boy’s dressed as Starry Night. The other’s dressed as Van Gogh with a bandage on his ear.

25. Please allow Granny to bring her pets.

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Sorry, but if you let her bring Sylvester and Tweedy, you might need to clean house after she’s gone. Because Sylvester and Tweedy will incur property damage. I guarantee it.

26. Lucy and Ethel are up to something.

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They even wear their own dresses and aprons. Hear they’ll do The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel next year.

27. Nacho Libre always fights for the kids.

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Since he’s a monk at an orphanage by day. And yes, he’s a religious man who puts God and man first in his life.

28. “When you play the Game of Thrones, you win or you die.”

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Includes Varys, Cersei, Margaery, Bran, Arya, Joffrey, Melisandre, Jon, Catelyn, Ygritte, and the Hound , I think. Must be from an earlier season.

29. Feel free to join Snoopy and the gang.

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Parents are Charlie Brown and Lucy. Kids are Snoopy, Sally, and Linus. Woodstock is a plush bird.

30. Adult entertainment straight ahead.

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She’s just wearing a sign saying, “Girls, Girls, Girls.” However, she’s not wearing it for a strip club. Or she’d be almost completely nude.

31. Pumpkin Jack just wants to stop by.

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This is more of a play on words. Since the jack is a crane you use in oil rigs.

32. Spend a jolly holiday with Mary.

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Parents are Mary Poppins and Bert. While the baby and dog are penguin waiters. Dog isn’t happy.

33. I believe we have a terroristic alien on the premises.

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She’s dressed in a sleek silver outfit. But who knows what that bomb’s made of.

34. Baby goes paragliding across the landscape.

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Don’t worry, the baby’s dad is carrying him in the bjorn. But they’ll have to wear the proper headgear.

35. She’s a tornado filled with sharks.

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She’s supposed to be a sharknado. Though it’s a really stupid movie franchise, it’s a brilliant Halloween costume idea.

36. Nothing can stop Arya and the Hound.

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So hide all your chicken when they come into town. Even you, KFC. Also, Arya’s a trained assassin. While the Hound used to be in the Kingsguard and wants to kill his brother.

37. She’s a bit of a Fruit Loop.

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For she’s dressed as a bowl of Fruit Loops. Part of this complete breakfast.

38. Little girls shouldn’t be alone in the woods.

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Yes, she’s Little Red Riding Hood. Even has the red cape and basket. So cute.

39. “You must be chosen by the Claw.”

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Indeed, he’s the claw machine. Wonder how he moves his arms.

40. “We have to find Will.”

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She’s Joyce from Stranger Things. Even has the living room wall and Christmas lights. Not sure if she’s having any luck reaching Will from the Upside Down.

41. “We rob banks.”

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These two wear striped shirts and carry money bags. But you can bet they made out like bandits.

42. Marty McFly can fly on his hoverboard.

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Okay, he can’t since physics don’t work that way. Still, the real hoverboards are a massive disappointment.

43. This family’s a circus.

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Dad’s a strong man. Mom’s a lion tamer. Baby’s a lion. Daughters are trapeze artist and clown.

44. You’d think she’s rather interstellar.

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For she’s dressed up as the solar system. However, she’s mostly stars in the center. When she really should be the sun so the planets can revolve around her.

45. Cleopatra is the queen of the Nile.

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Just don’t mention how she had her siblings killed. Also, the fact she married 2 of her brothers and had sex with both Julius Caesar and Marc Antony.

46. Uh, Night’s Watch, you missed a wight.

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They’re ice zombies. But the White Walkers and the Night King are way scarier.

47. What the Colonel’s got in his bucket is finger lickin’ good.

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I’m sure he uses the chicken bucket as a trick-or-treat bag to hold candy. Still, why can’t KFC use him for their commercials.

48. You’d think this family came from a deck of cards.

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Mom and dad are the King and Queen of Hearts. Older boys are black and white guards. Baby is joker.

49. This boy’s got a lot of thread wrapped around him.

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After all, he’s a spool. But don’t ask him for any thread to repair your clothes.

50. She’s just crackers about animals.

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For she’s an animal cracker. And yes, she’s got icing and sprinkles.

51. Didn’t know Prehistoric man can pump their own gas.

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Okay, he’s one of the cavemen from Geico. He also saves 15% or more on his car insurance.

52. You can see a slide through these goggles.

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They’re supposed to be a view master and a reel. They were popular during the 1950s, before the conception of personal computers or videos.

53. She’s all stuffed with straw.

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Okay, she’s just wearing makeup and old clothes. But don’t expect her to scare the crows.

54. He’s a sophisticated little peanut.

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He’s actually Mr. Peanut. He even comes with a top hat, cane, and monocle.

55. A Khal must have his Khaalesi.

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Sure, Khal Drogo and Daenerys were happily married together. Unfortunately, he had to die from an infected injury from a fight.

56. Let her paint her masterpiece.

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She’s a bunch of paints. Also carries a brush with her. So cute.

57. Let him protect your garden for you.

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The boy’s a garden gnome. His shoes have fuzz balls on them. Though he looks kind of freaky.

58. Got to bust this Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

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All right, maybe not. Because this Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is a little stinker. While his dad is a Ghostbuster.

59. Does this family seem a bit spacey to you?

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Well, they’re dressed up as astronauts with a metal camper to boot. The girl even has a wagon to act as a spaceship while the baby’s an alien.

60. “We’re Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band….”

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The boys are John Lennon and George Harrison. The girls are Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney. And not one of them wears a mustache.

61. You don’t want to cross these mummies.

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They’re dressed like Egyptian royalty. But they’re quite scary, especially under wraps.

62. For her, green means go, go, go.

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This little girl’s dressed as a traffic light. And yes, it lights up. So cute.

63. This alien tourist wants to see the sights.

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Though why he wants me to take me to my leader, I have no idea. Seriously, he should be careful what he wishes for.

64. You dare not cross these Viking men.

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These are boys in Viking costumes. The helmets, beards, and shields are made from cardboard.

65. This unicorn always likes to show her rainbow tail.

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The mane and tail are both made out of tulle. And yes, she’s also wearing a horn and a pink tutu.

66. This boy will bulldoze to a house near you.

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For he’s dressed as a bulldozer. And if you don’t give him candy, he’ll plow his way through to your house.

67. Care for a beach cocktail.

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Woman’s the tropical drink. Guy’s a hunky beach waiter. Wanna sip?

68. “I’m a Rocketman.”

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For the kid can reach to the stars in his rocket ship costume. So cute.

69. They’re just a couple of vacationers.

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Funny how they both wear Hawaiian shirts, fanny packs, socks, sandals, and straw hats. They even carry red Dixie cups.

70. You’d think she spends all day under the sea.

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She makes Esme Squalor’s sexy Ursula outfit seem tame in comparison. She even has fish hanging from wires.

71. The angler fish is a creature from the deep.

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If you think they’re scary in the dark, just wait until you hear about their sex lives. And yes, it’s that messed up.

72. You’d think she’s quite the potted plant.

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Well, she’s a pot of flowers. Though these are all white.

73. This little spaceman’s going places.

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He’s wearing a little NASA jumpsuit. And yes, he’s adorable. Another little rocket man.

74.”And the Oscar goes to…”

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One of them even has 2 heads. Wonder how they walk in these.

75. Queen Nefertiti  was a great beauty of Ancient Egypt.

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She was the wife of Akhenaten. Yet, she eventually disappears from the records and we have no idea what happened to her.

76. You can call this a real corn dog.

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Since it’s a dog that’s dressed as an ear of corn. And no, you can’t eat it.

77. “One ring to rule them all.”

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This group’s dressed as the cast from Lord of the Rings. Some of the women even dress up as hobbits. Like Treebeard’s.

78. Anyone want a gumball?

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This little baby’s dressed up as a gumball machine. But please don’t give her quarters since she might choke on them.

79. Miss Frizzle reaches for the stars.

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But that doesn’t mean you’d want her teaching your kids. Since she’ll send her students to space on at least a few occasions.

80. Fire and smores always go together.

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Because you can’t have smores without a camp fire. Also, smores are tasty.

81. Jay-Z and Beyoncé always treat Blue Ivy like a queen.

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They also have twins. Yet, this family totally nails the Carters. Not to be confused with Johnny Cash’s in-laws.

82. These girls are ready to exercise.

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These girls are 1980s aerobics instructors. And yes, they’re wearing leotards and carrying boomboxes.

83. Wonder what she’s got in the oven.

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She’s dressed up as the Pillsbury Doughboy. And yes, she’s got her own rolling pin.

84. Perhaps this Sandlot family will endear you.

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The dad’s Benjamin Rodriguez. The mom’s Wendy Peppercorn. While the boys dress up as 2 of the other kids. There’s even a large dog.

85. This family will certainly have a sweet time.

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They’re characters from the traumatic childhood board game Candyland. Dad’s the king. Mom’s Queen Frosty. One daughter’s Princess Lollipop. The other is from the Candy Cane Forest. I forget who the boy’s supposed to be.

86. She’s certainly got a green thumb.

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Since she’s dressed up as a flower pot. And yes, flowers grow from her shirt.

87. Rock out with some sushi.

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This one features a whole platter. Also she’s wearing a rice ball on her head.

88. “President coming through.”

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These babies are dressed as the President of the United States. While the dads are assigned Secret Service detail. Either tot is better than the steaming pile of orange shit in the White House now.

89. “I’m on my way to Folsom playpen…”

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He’s dressed up as Johnny Cash. Notice how he’s got a toy guitar. So cute.

90. Always have your raygun and oxygen supply in handy.

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She’s dressed as an astronaut on a strange planet that could have intelligent life. So she’ll have to protect herself from hostile aliens.

91. We got a strange lady asking if we saw the Stark girls.

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She’s dressed as Brienne of Tarth. She’s got golden armor for she’s one of the truest knights on Game of Thrones. If you want a knight in shining armor to rescue her, she’s your go-to girl.

92. Do you want lemonade or ice cream?

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Ice cream always gets my vote. But these stands are adorable.

93. “Be a shining star.”

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But please don’t dance like Elaine does to that Earth, Wind, and Fire song. Love her star hat.

94. You can use a Hershey’s Kiss.

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She’s decked out in foil and puckers her lips. And yes, she has a paper stream on her hat.

95. You don’t want to beat a stick on this little piñata.

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The costume is mostly made out of felt. Nonetheless, it’s adorable.

96. Is she a zombie or is just her lead-based makeup?

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Actually I think she’s an 18th century zombie. From what I can tell, she’s an aristocrat on her way to the ball before she was tragically murdered.

97. These are just 2 of Heinz’s 57 Varieties.

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This is actually a vintage photo. One kid is ketchup. The other is mustard.

98. Is it somebody’s birthday?

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The candle flame is made from tulle. And she’s all covered in sprinkles.

99. These kids are in love and will run away together.

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One’s a teenage girl with 3 brothers whose mom’s having an affair with the local sheriff. The other is an orphaned boy on a summer camping trip with his Boy Scout troop.

100. “Keep your hands off my lobby boy!”

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That’s Zero from The Grand Budapest Hotel. Helps his boss steal a painting and wins over a girl at a bake shop. However, his boss is killed by Nazis and his wife suddenly dies in childbirth.

The Dark Scary World of Vintage Halloween Costumes (Fifth Edition)

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For some mysterious reason, old vintage Halloween pictures seem to be a lot creepier for some reason. Maybe it’s the black and white photography. Maybe it’s how the costumes were made. Maybe it’s their conception of scary. I don’t know. Still, when you look at them, they’re bound to freak you out and give you nightmares for weeks to come. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of nightmarish vintage Halloween costumes. Sweet dreams.

  1.  She’s all dressed in ready for the spiderweb ball.
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So is this how they dressed for Halloween during the 18th century? Or did people during the 18th century not celebrate it?

2. Now, everyone, smile for the camera.

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Man, I don’t think the guy dressed as a Native American would fly today. Also, some of the masks are quite terrifying.

3. I’m sure this witch is kind to her animals.

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Yet, I’m not exactly sure by the grin on her face. Also, that cat looks like it’s stuffed.

4. The kitchen staff can be such animals.

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Okay, I don’t want to go in there. For all I know they could be cooking some of Hannibal Lecter’s best known recipes.

5. We all have our bad hair days.

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Yet, she could use a full-on makeover. Then again, witches don’t care much about their looks, anyway.

6. Even a ghostly skeleton seeks to pick up chicks.

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I’m sure this version of Ghost doesn’t contain the iconic pottery wheel scene. In fact, I don’t think they’ll be making love to “Unchained Melody” anytime soon either.

7. You’d think this lady was batty.

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Yes, she’s in a sexy bat costume. But her dress doesn’t make much sense to me, save for fanservice.

8. Perhaps buying your costume isn’t as great as it seems.

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Yeah, the masks look kind creep thanks to black and white photography. Still, the one with the leopard print doesn’t seem to have a face.

9. Want to dress as a sexy ghost? Just put a white bag on your head.

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You could never pull this kind of costume in PA. Mainly because the weather’s under 50 degrees by this point.

10. May I present to you the 19th century version of the Village People.

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As you can see, they’re not exactly a lively bunch. In fact, they seem more likely to kill you in your sleep.

11. What a couple of babies.

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Okay, these two look too big to be babies. Yet, their masks can just scare the living shit out of you.

12. You might fly with these Peter Pan costumes.

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These are actually really terrifying. And it really says a lot since Peter Pan is an incredibly creepy movie.

13. Here you see Spiderman and Batman hang out with Colonel Sanders.

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What a way to show a good example to kids, superheroes. Of course, masked vigilantism doesn’t help either.

14. How about you hang near the car?

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That duck mask is frightening. Then again, the chicken mask may even be scarier.

15. Hope the trick-or-treaters can make themselves comfortable.

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Okay, those vintage costumes are actually scarier in color. Even in regards to Princess Aurora, Casper, and Snoopy.

16. These kids are just resting on the grass.

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These masks are incredibly terrifying. Don’t look now, but I think these kids are devising ways to kill neighbors who don’t give them candy.

17. Have fun trick-or-treating, kids.

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Apparently, someone managed to make Spiderman and the Lone Ranger scary. While the Wolf man seems kind of lame.

18. That’s an odd looking giraffe.

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Since the giraffe is made out of paper. Still, wonder how the girl can see in it.

19. Beware of the chicken boy.

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I don’t know why the kid just stick around transfixed on the chicken. When the girl should be running away screaming for her dear life.

20. These two are just walking the street on their Halloween haunt.

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The witch seems like she’s wearing Groucho Marx glasses without the mustache. But it should be the ghost that really scares us.

21. You might want to get away from the monster behind you.

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That’s Frankenstein’s monster attacking that boy. And I’m sure the boy might need another pair of pants.

22. Sorry to crash a medieval plague doctors meeting.

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Since they’re all wearing bird masks and cloaks. Still, if it was the 1300s, we’d wonder how many of them will be left next year.

23. You’d think this is an odd-looking bird.

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Well, it’s a cardboard costume. But it kind of looks eerie in black and white photography.

24. Beware of the little red devil.

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I’m sure this kid is all right. But the costume makes him seem like a little terror out of hell.

25. A mother sits with her strangely dressed children.

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Two of them are supposed to be dwarfs, I think. One’s a cowboy. And one’s the Monopoly Man. But all seem rather dead inside.

26. This woman just wears a dress, mask, and cone hat.

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Wearing that, you’d think she was on her way to a cult meeting. But she has a pumpkin on her dress.

27. These four just hang around the front door.

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But look at their masks and you don’t want them in your house. Seriously, they make Freddy Krueger look like a character on Sesame Street.

28. You wouldn’t want to run into this little clown at night.

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Wonder if this is a childhood photo of Pennywise the Clown. I mean he had to be a child somehow.

29. Here a ghost emerges from the bushes.

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Let’s hope he didn’t make it from some Klan robe. Because they were a thing back in the Gilded Age and 1920s.

30. This doesn’t seem like a fun Halloween party.

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Consists of a scary clown and two very offensive stereotypes. For God’s sake it was the early 1900s. Times were really racist.

31. Well, this seems like a strange horse race.

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Yes, you see people sharing horse costumes. One guy has very little legs like Lord Farquad.

32. Don’t hitch a ride with these masked men.

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Since they’ll take you to an undisclosed location. Then they’ll kill you and rip you to pieces.

33. Who knows what this clown will do to these two women.

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Yeah, I get that he’s wearing a tall hat. But I think after this picture was taken, the two women were never seen again.

34. The skull person is within the living room.

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Indeed, they’re not scaring anyone. But in time, they will chase teenagers with a knife once it gets dark.

35. Each trick-or-treater shall receive a large pumpkin bag.

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The devil and Raggedy Ann masks will haunt your dreams. The cat, not so much.

36. Sometimes a white mask is all you need.

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She’s even on roller skates. That means she can go after you with a knife faster. Except on the stairs.

37. Are those kids or ventriloquist dummies?

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Well, they could be kids wearing masks. Yet, they don’t really seem very lifelike to me. Something’s off here.

38. The light’s quite misty, isn’t it?

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One of the revelers reminds me of an undead muppet. Another has a rather creepy clown face.

39. Apparently, someone’s fallen into a creepy cult ritual.

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These women wear dresses with markings on them. But they must dance around two virgins before they sacrifice them to their blood hungry god.

40. A witch stands with her cat.

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She seems rather lonely. Mostly because everyone’s frightened of her. And her cat’s plush, I think.

41. These two seem like a rather odd couple.

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One wears a mask with make while looking dashing in a top hat and coat. The other wears a mask and a dress.

42. Here’s a friendly guy you’d meet in the park.

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Kind of reminds me of the guy kicked off The Muppet Show. Since he often gave kids candy from his windowless van. Or so I heard.

43. Care to see the clown in the corner?

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On second thought, I’ll pass on that one. Don’t want to be found near the river with an ax in my back.

44. Don’t you ever refuse to give these kids candy.

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Because if you do, they will kill you. Even if you honestly ran out, they will still slay you. So please have candy ready for them.

45. Sandra finds romance on Planet of the Apes.

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“Come to me, you damn dirty ape. Send me to your monkey bar sex dungeon.”

46. Don’t you dare cross this masked maid.

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Mess with her and she’ll make sure you pay with your life. And she’ll make you pay.

47. You might enjoy this jolly clown.

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Okay, this clown is terrifying. Avoid him like the plague if you value your life.

48.  You’d swear you’ve seen these trick-or-treaters from space.

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These costumes are quite frightening. Yet, the astronaut has to wear a rocket shaped mask for some reason.

49. “Come and play with us, Danny.”

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Those princess masks are guaranteed to give you nightmares. Will certainly haunt your dreams.

50. Perhaps you might enjoy a couple of sisters.

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One doesn’t pretend not to care. The other’s thinking about skinning the neighbor’s cat.

51. Make sure your stick matches your masks.

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Though each one is just as scary. And the kids in the back certainly know it.

52. Looks like the Turnip ghost caused some scares.

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The woman is freaking out. The guy is splayed on the floor. Wonder if this is some horror cosplay scene.

53. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you can’t be Batman.

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Well, she’s an early incarnation of Batwoman. But what am I kidding? Batman wasn’t around yet.

54. Well, we’ve got a couple of lone rangers.

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Actually, one’s supposed to be Zorro. But they will strike if not given candy for trick-or-treating.

55. “Won’t you come and spoon with me?”

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Oh, hell no. For God’s sake I’m not that desperate for cuddles.

56.  “I’m just a little school girl.”

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I don’t know about you. But that’s a dude who looks like a lady to me. Possible ancestor of Steve Tyler from Aerosmith.

57. “Get off my lawn, you brats!”

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For if you don’t, he’ll run you down and cut you up in his basement. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

58. Watch out for the locker room ghosts.

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Of course, they probably didn’t have the time and resources for a full sheet. So they used pillow cases instead. One even has a black bag.

59. “I shall call him, Mini Me.”

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These two wear the same cone black hats. The smaller boy is pure evil.

60. I give you, the Elephant Man.

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Okay, that’s kind of insensitive. Joseph Merrick deserves more dignity than that. Then again, he probably doesn’t know anything about Merrick.

61. Send in the big clowns.

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On second thought, do clowns really need to be inflated. That just makes them scarier.

62. “Are you comfortable, madam?”

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This mouse seems rather hospitable to that girl. Don’t really want to what kind of relationship they have.

63. “Let’s just watch that house burn.”

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These masks are so terrifying even if they’re supposed to be dolls and clowns. And I’m sure they just set a house on fire.

64. Clown or space alien? You decide.

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Actually, she’s probably dressed like a clown. But her tall hat totally seems like it’s from another planet.

65. These two always stick together.

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Mostly because they’re dressed as co-join twins. They do a lot together, including murder.

66. “Want to join us at the farm?”

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They’re all decked in their pajamas like they’re having a slumber party. Though I’ll pass on this one.

67. This black cat lingers in the alley.

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Sure they may look scary. But the 2019 trailer to Cats just makes it look tame in comparison.

68. Hello boys and girls, it’s Beppo the clown.

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For God’s sake, kill this infernal creature with fire. Before he kills somebody or gets in a daycare center.

69. Don’t want to run into these monsters even on a good day.

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They’re just kids in Halloween costumes. But the masks are simply spooky.

70. Don’t mess with these clown ladies.

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Mock their circus act and I swear they will rain fire and terror on you. Or they’ll just kill you in your sleep.

71. Skull girl just loves hanging among the flowers.

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Hey, at least she’s not Rhoda from the Bad Seed. She wouldn’t kill anyone for trivial stuff like a penmanship award. But she will if you mess with her.

72. Why so sad, scarecrow?

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Guy looks like a sagging and depressed muppet. And with bad fashion sense.

73. This witch is awfully fond of these little girls.

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Wonder if that witch is in costume. But she shows eyes of ill intent.

74. Care for some clandestine greenhouse ritual?

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The kids seem like they’re dressed in their pajamas. The mom’s dressed as a witch.

75. Here’s a still from the new Joker movie.

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Well, that might be a little too early. But I’m sure he’ll grow up to be an unstable psychopath nonetheless.

76. Pretty short to have mustaches, don’t you think?

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One’s wearing a dress to indicate she’s clearly a girl. But these two seem like they’re silently judging you in those creepy masks.

77. “Here’s Toodles!”

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Seeing that clown hovering over that family sends shivers down my spine. Also, is he holding a gun?

78. “I just came here to pick up a few things like your soul.”

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I can understand why that girl’s screaming. Still, kind of way too young for this Faustian bargain thing. I think there should be an age of consent for that.

79. Got you 4 little devils in a row.

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They’re even all holding masks. But come midnight, they will wreak havoc on a murder spree.

80. These robots come from another galaxy.

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But mess with them, they’re bound to exterminate you. They also have great fashion sense.

Gather Round All Ye Lords and Ladies to Marvel at These Magnificent Costumes of the Ye Olde Renaissance Festival (Fifth Edition)

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Around my area during weekends in late August and September, the Greater Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival is in town. While touted as a medieval fair with music, feasting, lavish costumes, and entertainment, you might end up losing a ton of your money by the end of the day. And while the jousts may look cool, keep in mind that real jousting in that era can lead to fatalities and serious injuries. After all, King Henry VIII nearly died in a jousting accident that screwed him up for the rest of his life. Whereas a French king was literally killed in one. Nonetheless, given the mishmash outfits, the Renaissance Festival has been a place for many to cosplay. Some dress as fantasy characters from Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones. Some dress in historic costume ranging from medieval to Three Musketeers. While some just put on whatever they want. Since the Renaissance Festival doesn’t care what you wear, as long as you pay.  So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of lavish Renaissance Festival costumes. Enjoy.

  1. Perhaps you might want a more flowing gown.
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Hey, at least you don’t have to wear a corset. Those things can be very tight.

2. A Khal must always have his khaleesi by his side.

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Which he bought from her brother so he can get an army to storm into Westeros with. He also raped her on their wedding night. But at least he’s played by Aquaman in the show.

3. You may want to dress in purple as a peasant.

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Note that this was highly illegal in Europe during the Renaissance. Since only royalty could wear purple at the time.

4. A fairy should always spread her wings.

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This is especially true if she has vibrant butterfly wings. Also, her dress should match them.

5. Feel free to come as your favorite Disney princess.

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Well, I guess that can work. Though if you come as Snow White, stay away from apples.

6. You’d be a fool to pass by this jester.

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To be fair, jesters only played the fool. However, it was one of the few jobs in the Renaissance era where you criticize your boss and get away with it.

7. A sleek black gown may suit you.

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It’s made out of velvet and has silver shoulders. Just don’t trip on the skirt on your way out.

8. You’ll always stand out wearing bright colors.

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Since nobles usually wear the large, lavish dresses. These women deck ones of green, blue, and pink. The guy wears red.

9. Black can be quite snazzy.

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Sure they may be dressed for a funeral. But you have to love their hats.

10. These barbarians have come to party.

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They’re wearing fur, too. One guy doesn’t even wear a shirt. Because at Renaissance Festivals, it’s optional.

11. This big dead cow has room for 2.

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You can see how two people operate the cow. The thing might freak you out while passing by.

12. An ornate dress will certainly impress.

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This black one includes jewels on the bodice. Like the crown and ruff.

13. A fall fairy has flowers on her wings.

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She also wears a long-nosed half mask. Also, the flowers aren’t real. But you probably knew that.

14. You’d have a hell of a time with these 2.

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Since they come as demons. The guy even wears red armor and horns.

15. Mail can always protect.

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Not sure in the woman’s case. Since it only covers her breasts. Talk about metal.

16. Apparently, Freya stops by.

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I mean she’s dressed like a Viking. And her wings are really sensational. Still, you don’t want her to call on the Valkyrie.

17. Even fairies would like to have a good time.

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One wears green and fire. The other wears blue. But she carries her own mug.

18. Couples should always match in pattern.

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A lot of couples seem to match. Though the woman has a fantastic hat and skirt.

19. It’s not easy wearing green.

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Though these two even wear similar hats. However, their daughter just wears a normal outfit.

20. Looks like we have a dragon in our midst.

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Or at least half of one. Let’s hope they don’t start any fires, shall we?

21. When you realize that your costume isn’t as pimptastic as you thought it would be.

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Though he does wear a fancy black tunic with gold striped pantaloons and a feather hat. Not to mention he wears an awesome necklace, too.

22. Sometimes you have to tie it all up.

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Her brown dress seems to be held together through lacing. Even on the skirt and sleeves.

23. These 3 ladies have come for the dead.

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Since they’re in Dia de los Muertos costumes. A couple wear skull makeup and don skull hats.

24. Barbarian tribes women in the vicinity.

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Okay, they’re just here for the beer. Yet, you have to love their furs.

25. You can catch sight of this druid.

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Since his robes are in blue and orange. But there are those who call him Hank.

26. Always take your sword with you.

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This guy wears a plain brown tunic and pants. Though it won’t help him if the other guy wears armor.

27. These four beauties always go to the tavern together.

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They wear fantastic hats in bright colors, too. They also go to the privies together when nature calls.

28. Guess we got a couple of mad hatters.

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They seem to belong to the steampunk crowd. Though both wear top hats.

29. Even a lad must wear a fancy vest.

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This is a crocheted black vest with gold trim and buttons. But the boy doesn’t seem too happy about it.

30. A purple fairy doesn’t need a fancy skirt.

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Her skirt’s a patchwork. Yet, she wears a matching corset and wings nonetheless.

31. A plain gold trimmed dress will always do.

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This is made from velvet. And sure it’s not fancy. But it’s sure expensive.

32. A lady must always carry a bow and arrow.

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Though some Ren fairs may have a weapons policy. Still, the bow is quite huge.

33. Aren’t these 2 guys a bit too old to be knights?

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Maybe not since knights were all adult ages. But they’re not in Crusader shape.

34. A lady must have a cape of fine furs.

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Okay, the fur’s probably fake. Yet, it certainly goes well with her lovely black dress and gold tiara.

35. A Viking woman must always be modest.

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No horned helmets or boob armor for her. Just a long dress and a belt.

36. This purple fairy sits on a stump.

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Well, she’s wearing purple with green tights. Though her wings are rather transparent.

37. Say hello to the Norse Gods.

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Okay, they don’t look like the ones in the Marvel movies. Yet, at least they know how to dress. Sort of.

38. Wonder where this pairing came from.

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He’s a medieval knight. She’s an 18th century lady. But will love find a way?

39. Feel free to meet these Disney princesses.

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There’s Mulan, Ariel, and Tiana. None of these lived during the Renaissance as far as Disney canon is concerned.

40. These 2 are clad in royal purple splendor.

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Their outfits have gold trim and jewels. Yet, their hats are rather different.

41. Want to help a simple townsman?

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At least I think it’s a guy. But the capris and sandals indicate otherwise.

42. Behold, a shieldmaiden.

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She wears a red dress with green trim. The shield has all kinds of pictures on it.

43. This Scotswoman has all she needs.

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After all, that’s what belts are for. She’s even got a fan of peacock feathers.

44. This dragon is a gentleman.

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Yet, he’s dressed like he’s from the 18th century. And he wears antennas.

45. A long sack is essential for the desert.

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She carries her own walking stick. Hope she can find water.

46. These pirates have come for the rum.

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The women wear their corsets and the fanciest black hats with feathers. The guy wears a scarf and a vest.

47. Need any feathers in your hair?

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These women dress in rather colorful peasant dresses. Like the one in the purple skirt.

48. Why is this Viking so glum?

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He’s got a cool helmet and armor. Not to mention he’s got a skull bag. Guess he couldn’t bring his sword.

49. This nun is here to make music.

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Though she kind of makes blowing into her flute a habit. That the other nun can’t stand it anymore.

50. We seem to have a couple of fancy pirates.

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Seems like these two made their costumes from a rug. Yet, they seem to have a rather good time.

51. What the hell are these Puritans doing here?

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After all, don’t they consider fun sinful? Seriously, these people don’t even celebrate Christmas.

52. Queen Liz celebrates a golden occasion.

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Since she wears a golden dress as Gloriana. Still, don’t ask why she stays single. It’s mostly political.

53. Seems this woman dresses in rags.

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Well, she’s supposed to be dressed like she’s some spirit. Though she doesn’t have much of a corset.

54. Perhaps you might want to dress in glorious pink.

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Though I’m not sure if such shades existed in the 1500s. Yet, she wears a black corset over all those layers.

55. A yellow dress can always flatter.

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Yet, since this is the 21st century, she can make it as comfortable as she’d like. Since historical accuracy isn’t a benchmark at Ren fairs.

56. The faun gets all the chicks.

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He’s shirtless with horns and a fur bottom. Then again, James McAvoy’s Mr. Tummus was much better looking.

57. An elf girl should have a nice spring dress.

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She wears a dress with a corset and boots. Perfect for a nice Renaissance festival.

58. You don’t always need to dress in flashy colors.

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She wears an cream dress with blue. Has a tiara around her head.

59. Want a wooden sword?

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Because metal swords can actually kill people. Though it’s not nice being hit by one either.

60. She prefers an old swashbuckler.

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He even wears an old-fashioned mustache. You’d almost think him a musketeer.

61. Jon Snow and Daenerys are the king and queen everyone wants to rule.

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Too bad their relationship didn’t last. Since Dany went crazy and burned down King’s Landing. So Jon had to kill her.

62. White can always make one stand out.

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This couple dresses to attract stains. Though the woman has a goblet on her belt.

63. Want to ride this centaur?

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Sure he may not seem straight out of Fantasia. But you can put a saddle on him.

64. Just between two grizzled pirates.

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To be fair, pirates didn’t have white and gray beards. Because most of them were under 30 and usually didn’t live past that age.

65. These two don’t come with much on them.

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I bet you they’re supposed to be tribespeople. Yet, they’re really pushing it with the dress code.

66. Walking in the bushes, are we?

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He wears a fancy black tunic and a feather hat. She wears a gold and blue dress with a pearl net.

67. Looks like we have a little Robin Hood in the making.

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Though he should be careful when climbing that tree. Still, wonder if he’s got help from his merry men.

68. Get a load of these royals.

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They even wear matching outfits and crowns. King even has a nice lion on his tunic.

69. You’ll have a good time with these pirates.

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They all quite stunningly dressed. Some even carry the swagger.

70. Gandalf and Legolas stop by.

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So take advantage of all the Middle Earth photo ops while you can. Since it won’t be long till they have to head for Mordor.

71. Forest spirit just needs a cup of ale.

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She wears a green leaf dress. But you have to love her flower garland on her head.

72. You might find this fairy up a tree.

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She has red tights and a brown skirt. Got to like the feathered headdress.

73. This wedding gets a royal sendoff.

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Yes, you can get married at a Renaissance Festival. Though I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that. Still, that knight salute is pretty awesome.

74. This woman has a very long horn.

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She’s dressed like a gypsy. Yet, I wonder what sound she gets from that.

75. I don’t think they have the droids they’re looking for.

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Stormtroopers have gone to the wrong venue. Padme Amidala’s in the front by the way.

76. These guys are here to entertain.

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They’re all dressed like a trio of troubadours. Got to like their snazzy hats.

77. Mind if he uses his telescope?

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Since he needs to stand it up on a stick. Also, don’t mind his ridiculous feather hat and big pantaloons.

78. Want to hang out with a Scottish Stormtrooper?

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Didn’t know Imperial Stormtroopers can be Scottish. Still, he won’t find the droids he’s looking for in that kilt and tam.

79. Blue fairy or purple fairy?

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They both wear long dresses and large wings. One even has flowers on her skirt.

80. Perhaps a white dress and corset is all you need.

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Hers has a flower and fringes. She’s also Vanessa Hudgens.

College Sports Fans Dressed in School Spirit Attire (Fourth Edition)

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As with my NFL costume post, I decided not to use my own picture to open it this year since photo ops require considerable preparation beforehand. Anyway, while American football fans look forward to their favorite NFL team play, school will soon be in session. And this means college football season will soon begin. In many places in the US, you’ll find people who are more diehard over their college teams than those in the pros. Mostly because they either went to the college or the college in question is closer to where they live. You can see this prevalent in the South, particularly in places like Alabama, Arkansas, and Mississippi. Thus, you’ll probably find plenty of sports fans in ridiculous costumes. So for your reading pleasure I give you another assortment of them. Most of them will be from NCAA Div. I teams. Enjoy.

  1. Here you can see a real life San Diego State University Aztec.
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Sure, it might be cultural appropriation. But unlike the Chargers, at least the SDSU Aztecs won’t desert to LA.

2. Bane and Iron Man can always come out to support the Miami Hurricanes.

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Okay, they’re fans dressed as Iron Man and Bane in green and orange glory. Bane even has gloves depicting the school mascot.

3. You’ll see a real Orange Man among the Syracuse fans.

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Well, the guy’s in orange spandex. Still less lame than the school’s actual mascot.

4. Someone must be nuts about Ohio State.

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He’s wearing a Buckeye nut necklace for emphasis. While his wig is of red and silver.

5. Apparently, Santa Claus supports the University of Virginia.

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Okay, that’s not Santa but he’s sporting a long beard and wearing a hat. Still, don’t really see Kris Kringle cheering for the Cavaliers.

6. He wears his love for the North Carolina Tarheels on his hat.

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Well, at least on the visor. Also, he painted half his face blue.

7. These guys go blue for Xavier U.

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Xavier is a Jesuit university in Cincinnati. Its mascot is the Musketeer and you might hear about them during March Madness. And yes, these guys are painted blue.

8. Here we find a Mountaineer fan trying to playfully strangle a Tiger fan from LSU.

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One guy wears a spandex suit with a blue and gold wig. The other goes all in on purple and gold.

9. You’d think these Clemson Tiger fans were in a production of cats.

NCAA FOOTBALL: OCT 15 NC State at Clemson

Since they have their faces painted like a tiger. Some even wear tiger costumes.

10. Always roll the tide in Alabama.

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These guys even wear big ties. As they show their Tide boxes on a stick with toilet paper.

11. An Irish fan should go all out.

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This woman wears a shiny garland top hat you’d use in Saint Patrick’s Day decorations. Since she’s proud of Notre Dame.

12. This Auburn guy goes with the Tiger face.

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He even wears tiger fangs. While his stripes are blue on orange.

13. These guys always wear their love for Auburn on their chest.

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Since they’ve painted their chests orange while they spell out the name. Okay, it’s not spelled quite right but you get the idea.

14. They show their love for their South Florida bulls in green and gold.

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Well, a couple of them are wearing clothes. Yet, each has a bull on their chests.

15. At Texas Tech, one must put on a cowboy hat and coveralls.

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She even wears black and red face paint. Though I’m sure she can loudly shout from the stands.

16. Even dogs cheer for Boston College.

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This pooch just wears a T-Shirt. And doesn’t seem too happy its owner made dressed it.

17. Perhaps it’s time to get out the flag for the Navy.

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Yes, I know it’s a military branch not a college. But they still participate in college games.

18. WVU fans paint their faces with blue and gold.

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One wears a coonskin hat for the Mountaineers. And yes, it has the WVU logo on it.

19. At UNC, the beard must match the hat.

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As you can see, he’s wearing a fuzzy Dr. Seuss hat. While his beard is in light blue.

20. This Georgia fan always has to put on the spikes.

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Okay, at least on his shoulder pads. But at least they’re not that sharp. Also paints his face red and black.

21. You have no idea of how crazy Georgia Bulldog fans can be.

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This guy’s wearing dreadlocks and weird face paint. Also sports spiked shoulder pads.

22. This UConn Huskie fan is all jacked for March Madness.

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Since he’s wearing a basketball headdress. While his shirt depicts huskies in Andy Warhol style.

23. He wears his love for the Georgia Bulldogs on his head.

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Given that he’s bald, he makes the most of it. Also, that’s just body paint he’ll have to take off before going to bed.

24. Boba Fett arrives in Miami to cheer for the Hurricanes.

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However, he has to pick up a frozen Han Solo later on and take him to Jabba. And not in his green and orange suit of armor.

25. Seminole glitter guys, meet your dream girls.

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Okay, they don’t have as much glitter on them. But they do wear red and gold body paint for Florida State.

26. Didn’t know I could find an Imperial Stormtrooper at Alabama.

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He’s even wearing a red helmet for the Crimson Tide. Though he wouldn’t do well on the rifle team since he can’t hit anything.

27. I bid you a big warm welcome for the La Salle University Glitter Bros.

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These guys are from a Catholic college in Philadelphia. While one comes in wearing a tie.

28. This Michigan girl wears her hat for the Wolverines.

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Incredibly, she wears a Wolverine hat. And I don’t mean the one from X-Men.

29. Hope you can fan out with this guy from Virginia Tech.

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He has an orange clown wig. While his friend wears a maroon one.

30. KISS and the nuns have descended on Wisconsin.

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The nuns even wear their Wisconsin pride on their habits. While some of the KISS members have red make up on.

31. Want these fans to spell it out for you?

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The guys painted “Clemson” on their chests, letter by letter. Save the one who’s got a pawprint instead.

32. This guy’s gone all red for Georgia.

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He wears a red visor and wig on his head to match his face. Not to mention spiked shoulder pads.

33. Never thought I’d come across a real hog head.

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Well, he’s an Arkansas Razorbacks fan. As you can see by his hat. Still, you don’t want to run into 30-50 of them.

34. These fans gather for a pow wow at Florida State.

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Yes, they’re in Native costume and it’ll sure offend many. But this is a ridiculous fan post. So it goes.

35. Even dinosaurs go for Michigan.

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These are fans in inflatable T-Rex costumes. Though you’d think they came all the way from Jurassic Park to watch the game.

36. You’d think this guy’s a real corn man.

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Cause he has a cob on his head and each of his arms. And yes, he looks really silly.

37. Things can be weird at a Nebraska game.

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Two guys are wearing coveralls. While a woman’s dressed up like an ear of corn. After all, Nebraska’s home of the Huskers.

38. Someone from Kentucky is all blue in the face.

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Relax, he’s wearing face paint and a blue wig. Yet, you’d almost think he’ll freeze during March Madness.

39. He’s all horned up for the Georgia Bulldogs.

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For he’s wearing horns on his head. Another of the Spike Squad.

40. These Virginia Tech fans come in shoulder pads and capes.

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They’ve even painted their faces. But fortunately, their shoulder pads are leather.

41. Make way for the Longhorn fan with the massive horns.

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Hope those horns don’t weigh him down. But when he comes, get out of the way.

42. There’s a Joker sporting a Mohawk.

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Okay, that’s a Georgia fan dressed as the Joker. Also wears spiked shoulder pads.

43. You’ll find a superheroine among these Seminoles fans.

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She wears a cape and mask, too. While she carries her things in her own utility belt.

44. In Arizona State, feel free to put on a fedora and laderhozen.

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It’s even funnier that this guy doesn’t look the least bit German. Even wears matching yellow Ray Bans.

45. These women go all purple for Clemson.

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Seems like they’re wearing a combination of tank tops and body paint. And yes, they’ve painted their faces.

46. You have to be mad not support the Oregon Ducks.

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And no, this guy’s not the Mad Hatter. Just an Oregon Ducks fan with eccentric fashion sense.

47. These glitter women don their Seminole headdresses.

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Wait a minute, Seminoles wouldn’t wear those headdresses. Those are Plains warbonnets. Cultural appropriation.

48. If there’s a fire in Arizona, you might want to see this guy.

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Okay, he’s an Arizona Coyote fan. Here he holds a the state flag and a Sun Devil plushie.

49. Always go green for Notre Dame.

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Though I’m not sure dressing like a gangster leprechaun at a disco is the way to go. Then again to each his own.

50. When it comes to Notre Dame, this guy’s all green.

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He’s even wearing a green tuxedo shirt with Irish flag suspenders. While his hat has all kinds of pins.

51. You don’t want to see a leprechaun without his shirt.

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Though he’s decked in green body paint, you can still see his tattoos. Hope he’s not drunk on whiskey.

52. A yellow war bonnet is always essential for an Oregon Ducks game.

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For God’s sake why wear that? Oregon’s mascot is Donald Duck. Then again, the fan may be Native American. But even so, I don’t think Oregon Indians wore them.

53. Mr. Goldskull just came for the Baylor Bears.

NCAA FOOTBALL: DEC 03 Baylor at West Virginia

If the Bears lose, he’ll curse the players so that they’ll lead lives of pain and misery should they go to the NFL. Also wears a matching golden chain.

54. This Duck isn’t having it.

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That’s an Oregon Duck fan in a hockey mask. They also wear a gold and yellow cape.

55. This fan’s going to light things up at Oregon.

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Well, he wears an Oregon hat lined with lights. While he’s got his face painted in green and yellow.

56. A Trojan sits down for a game at USC.

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He even wears a Trojan helmet. Though I don’t think it’ll help him in the Southern California heat.

57. There are people of all stripes who go for the Baylor Bears.

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These people are all wearing striped ref shirts with their team colors. One’s wearing a silly yellow wig.

58. Sesame Street is brought to you by the letters S and J for Saint Joseph University.

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Well, we have Big Bird and Cookie Monster. By the way, St. Joseph is a Jesuit college in Philadelphia.

59. A Northwestern girl came down with a grave case of pom pom hair.

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Oh, she has pom poms in her hair. Well, that’s school spirit for you.

60. I now give you, Basketball man.

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He’s a Baylor fan wearing a basketball hat. I know it looks incredibly hilarious and ridiculous.

61. And now, let me introduce you to Wagonhead.

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Since he’s wearing a Conestoga wagon on his head. Though to be fair, he’s from the University of Oklahoma.

62. Blue and white hair is all the rage at the University of North Carolina.

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Why does she have a zipper on her head? Does she wear another face during the game?

63. Somebody’s really mad about basketball.

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These fans from Florida University wear basketballs and nets on their heads. And all for their love of the Gators.

64. This tuxedo pig always knows how to stay classy.

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This person is a Razorback fan from the University of Arkansas. And wears the hog hat to match.

65. Behold, the Notre Dame Light Irish Brigade.

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Mostly because they have light green faces. One’s even totally green.

66. Apparently, someone came in dressed as Joe Boeheim.

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He must be some guy at Syracuse. Though judging from the costume, he doesn’t seem to have great fashion sense.

67. Supermen always cheer for Oklahoma Sooners.