The World According to Stock Photography (Second Edition)

hide-the-pain-stockphoto-840x560

A year ago before I went to Minnesota to attend my cousin’s wedding, I did a post on ridiculous stock photography. So I decided do another for 2019. After all, given how President Cheetofascist is supremely racist, ICE is rounding up undocumented immigrants, Central American refugees, Jeffrey Epstein’s arrest, and all the crazy stuff coming from a dumpster fire known as the Trump administration, I kind of figured we need something to laugh at. Other than the so-called invasion at Area 51 no less. Anyway, you might see stock photos all around you all the time whether for public or commercial use. Often these usually pertain to cheap business ads, spur-of-the moment PSAs, and low-budget greeting cards. While many of these like the image of an old guy on the computer with a fake smile hiding distress on his face, have become memes. Remember the one with the distracted boyfriend? Well, that’s a stock photo. Nonetheless, I can go on raving about the best stock photos in recent time. But I won’t since you’ve probably seen them anyway. Instead, I’ll show you another assortment of the worst and most ridiculous ones you wouldn’t want on your craft beer website. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy stock photos.

 

  1. When you eat out and there are no cutlery options available.
2-10-More-of-the-Worst-Stock-Photos-for-Your-Marketing

Apparently, judging by his hands, he just ordered dessert. I suspect it’s cheesecake.

2. Playing naked balloon fort has deep roots in the 18th century.

3c2107685a71f9405d8eb3bef869a5a5

Okay, that wasn’t a thing. Since they didn’t have mass rubber production at the time. But given that she’s naked, in a balloon fort, and has a hairstyle akin to Marie Antoinette, I couldn’t resist.

3. Unfortunately, Del Monte phone service was utterly worthless.

4fbb4825cba6b7ce8abf86e9722c87cb

Either that or he’s drunk arguing on a banana phone at the office. Then again, he just might be plain nuts.

4. On his off hours, a US Army IT guy shoots his rounds.

5a3bcc9a24137_U6nGonF__700

But instead of using his gun, he uses his keyboard. Results in less lethal accidents that way.

5. Apparently, sex doll porn is a thing.

5aa65b5725e2e_mfzmul3vtpk01__700.jpg

I really don’t want to know what’s going on in this guy’s sex life. But at least he’s not hurting anyone.

6. Sandy’s new dress was full of baloney.

06b9997ca6c065c2b5f78f28fa158f90

And apparently, she wears these lunch meat slices as a dress. Or is that really salami?

7. The Christmas party was so crazy that even Dog Santa was wasted.

6c51ba09f9ddee4e0ed768c640ee8db4

Even funnier how this dog’s wearing a Santa suit and sunglasses. Man, I really don’t want to be around when it wakes up with a doggie hangover.

8. How not to bond with your kitten.

7-10-More-of-the-Worst-Stock-Photos-for-Your-Marketing

Just because cat moms lick their young, doesn’t mean you should lick your feline fur baby. Since it’ll just think you’re insane.

9. Unfortunately, the Olive Garden had to reject Betty Spaghetti as its mascot.

7a39abe5c95c2b8cbf0833016d6a1e19

What? You don’t remember Betty Spaghetti? I mean at one point, she used to be on almost all their posters.

10. During the Great Depression, Big Bird’s dad would support himself through babysitting.

8-photo-u1.jpg

Unlike his famous son of Sesame Street fame, the children weren’t very fond of him. In fact, he gave them nightmares.

11. Remember Distracted Boyfriend? Here’s Distracted Boyfriend on Escalator.

14-photo-u1

Unlike the more familiar version, this one has the parties go in different directions. Also, it’s going on behind the girlfriend’s back.

12. When the only jean size available is XXXXL.

14-shutterstock_337080869-675x416

I mean the jeans obviously go all the way up to the guy’s shoulders. Yet, he’s trying to make the best of it.

13. For God’s sake Lindsey, spaghetti isn’t finger food.

15-GettyImages-499156095-675x450

You should’ve known that since your toddler years. Seriously, waving your spaghetti and meatballs in the air just makes a mess.

14. Hundreds of miles from civilization and this old man can still use a laptop.

18-hilarious-and-bizarre-stock-photos-5

Still, I’m kind of skeptical how he can get a wi-fi signal that far. Besides, he’s old and not wearing a shirt.

15. Isn’t she way too big for that tricycle?

18-photo-u1

I’d say so since she can lift it up by the handlebars. Also, she’s pregnant and dressed like she’s from the trailer park in Whoville.

16. When you’ve been riding the same tricycle everywhere since you were five.

20-photo-u1

That guy really needs a car. Or at least live near a bus station. Seriously, he’s way too big for it and is wearing a business suit like he works in an office.

17. I don’t think fans will be happy with the next Predator movie.

26-photo-u1

Apparently, they had a lot of budget cuts. So instead of CGI, the Predator will be played by some bald guy with dreadlocks.

18. Elephants always enjoy the great outdoors.

34-photo-u1

The two calves are riding their bikes while their mom rides a scooter. Though they’d definitely crush these things in real life.

19. If you’re horny and you know it, blow your horn.

44-photo-u1

Apparently, this guy blows for sex. Not sure if he’ll get any with that routine.

20. Even evil witches have their girl friends, too.

47-photo-u1

But if Lexie dare steal Grimilda’s man, she’ll drop a house on her. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

21. Tragically, the peanut tight rope has become a very dangerous act.

48-photo-u1

As you can see by how many cracked after a fall. Rest in Reese’s Pieces.

22. Duchess look behind you!

49-photo-u1

Seems like dogs engage in murder and mayhem, too. As you can see by the one dog raising its paw with a knife.

23. She makes balancing a loaf of bread on her head look easy.

58e752c7-e5e0-48a4-b30b-531f93b31a27_original

And yet, she seems perfectly secure in herself. Though I have no idea how she can keep bread that large on her head. Photoshop?

24. “Is she dead? Or is she just sleeping?”

123466509-1

Teacher appears like she’s trying to wake up a student sleeping in class. And she doesn’t want anyone to see her.

25. When your dog groomer plays Minecraft.

200024179-001.jpg.scaled1000-300x202

Yes, the poodle’s all trimmed in blocks. And yes, it’ll look pretty ridiculous for awhile.

26. Before she became the sweet woman from accounting, Karen was once a badass soldier in the Army.

bad-stock-6-675x675

Those look like two different women. Also, I don’t think women in the military dress like that.

27. “Kibble shares are doing great around this quarter.”

blog-stock-06

Here a business dog is at work on his laptop. And it’s almost time for him to leave and go for his walk.

28. “Mr. Gigantis, I think you might’ve had an allergic reaction.”

BrainSurgeon-1024x909

I’d hate to be there when that giant sneezes. Cause someone’s going to get covered in snot.

29. Nothing beats doing business on the beach.

businessman-beach

Since that tidal wave will basically destroy the computer within a second or two. There’s a reason why people don’t have beach offices.

30. In business, you have to see all the possibilities.

businessman-cliff

That doesn’t mean you should do your business on a cliff. Since that’s incredibly dangerous.

31. Saint Nicholas receives a devastating call.

e5ffa115b68e6f6dcd66483351c27f62

“You mean the Dutch don black face to imitate my six to eight black men? Oh, the humanity!”

32. “Get that infernal egg away from me!”

egg-phobia

“Can’t even look how you poach, scramble, and have it over easy. It’s horrible! Stop it! Stop it!”

33. “I believe I can fly…”

enhanced-buzz-5520-1301581955-5

Though Kyle basically works on his laptop on Greg. Poor Greg. He’s going to have chronic back problems later in life.

34. This holy sister has a message for the red man downstairs.

enhanced-buzz-9558-1356184039-4

Oh, Sister Angelica, how could you flip two birds? So undignified for a nun like you.

35. “Want to see my business card?”

enhanced-buzz-12202-1356182693-5

Sorry, but if a guy’s dressed up like the Dude from The Big Lebowski, I’d rather not. For all I know, he could be promoting something shady.

36. There’s nothing like the joys of doing laundry.

enhanced-buzz-14902-1301433963-8

Here Lily sits in front of the washing machine, contemplating the emptiness of her own existence. While holding a pink balloon, no less.

37. Presenting the new Harold & Maude remake.

enhanced-buzz-14904-1301433697-7

Man, they really stretched the age gap from the original. How old is that boy supposed to be? Please let it be 18.

38. This disabled dwarf managed to snag a lady at a punk rock concert.

enhanced-buzz-14909-1301434489-15

What do you know, they have matching mohawks. Yet, the guy has her on a leash. Guess it’s a kink.

39. Though Walter managed to retain his 6-pack, he wasn’t put on right.

enhanced-buzz-14911-1301433876-3

I mean he’s got his butt on his front, no less. Wonder how he has sex and goes to the bathroom. On second thought, I really don’t want to know.

40. Cousin It’s daughter doesn’t have an active social life.

enhanced-buzz-14940-1301433749-10

She also finds it difficult to eat and drink. Mainly with all that hair around her face.

41. Beware of the 3-eyed cat.

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-11-5a39376144141__700

Okay, that’s really weird and kind of creepy. Since the third eye looks remarkably similar to the others.

42. Ever tried licking a cactus?

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-20-5a3bb6fd8be17__700

Please don’t do this. Since your tongue will hurt like hell for cacti have needles to keep critters from eating their skin.

43. Meet Mike, the Cyber Internet Hacking Thief.

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-25-5a3bbcd04fc50__700

He’s more machine now than man. Given that most of his body consists of robotic limbs.

44. Think you have to remove the bones and scales first.

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-28-5a3bbe9d8359a__700

Don’t think that eating a fish straight out of the stream is a good idea. Might hurt your mouth. But, hey, a bet’s a bet.

45. Apparently, the sexy Ser Brienne of Tarth costume was not a success.

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-33-5a3a627d9d990__700

Though I hear it’s been used in the Game of Thrones porn therapy and as a stripper costume. Still, Brienne deserves better.

46. Got a weird sexual fetish? These women got you covered.

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-39-5a3a77756c223__700

From Bored Panda: “What We Need Is A Picture Of A Blindfolded Woman In Lingerie Holding A Pomegranate With A Octopus On It. Oh And Could You Set Up A Mirror In The Corner Showing Another Woman Sulking? Perfect. Thanks.”

47. “I’ll have your neck for this, Hansen!”

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-40-5a3a78a77799f__700

Let’s just say, the boss meant that literally as he literally grabbed Hansen by then neck. And apparently Hansen’s neck is abnormally large neck.

48. She expects to be the ultimate soccer mom.

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-45-5a3a7eb79d48a__700

Since she’s carrying a future soccer player in her belly right now as seen how her abdomen resembles a soccer ball. Of course, that could just be all air.

49. Ronnie just wanted to seek some comfort from the Scriptures before ending it all.

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-55-5a3a5c49da925__700

But he can’t decide whether to kill himself by hanging or poison injection. He’d really want it to be quick but is scared of needles.

50. You should know better than to mess with a pineapple businessman.

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-151-5a463abc09aae__700

He’s all about the Benjamins and he’ll stop at nothing to be the top fruit in the finance world. Though he’s bound to rot from the head.

51. “What’s in the Box?”

funny-weird-wtf-stock-photos-153-5a464da1006a5__700

Apparently, it’s Becky’s little head and she’s tearfully screaming. But at least whoever packed it in used bubble wrap and handled it with the utmost delicacy.

52. “We are trying to find the answer to the age old question on why the chicken crossed the road.”

GettyImages_82770182.0

They didn’t find it. But the scientists managed to get a half dozen eggs out of their lab observations.

53. “I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere…”

Guy_in_terrible_jeans_r1uxf4

Yes, the guy yearns to go to another place with his hat and suitcase at his side. While jets fly high in the sky like they’re war planes.

54. When your mother’s an Olympic swimmer and your father is the Incredible Hulk.

h5EB197B7

While Suzie Banner was in many ways a normal child. Her dad Bruce’s condition with gamma ray radiation resulted in her having a congenital mutation of Hulk hands.

55. “Stop right there! Your pizza or your life!”

hB470F133

“But I just ordered this delicious pepperoni! Oh, God, please just let me enjoy just one little slice! I’m basically pissing my pants over this!”

56. Didn’t know Bigfoot had a more civilized side to him.

i7WXcWLqZffx

Okay, he’s actually answering a call on his smart phone. He’s telling his friend how he’s adjusted to human civilization and asking how things are in the woods.

57. She’s got so many reminders that she doesn’t know where to put them.

istock_000015558225xsmall

So she’s all covered in Post-It notes. If you’re married to her, give this woman some kind of organizer or a bulletin board.

58. A businessman can’t ask for anything more than being in a wheatfield with balloons and a briefcase.

Businessman in wheat field with briefcase and balloons

Someone must be on drugs. Seriously, who frolics in a wheatfield wearing a business suit?

59. Apparently, Japanese nurses are known to entertain hospital patients with conch shell performances.

jthing-9

Patient is like, “I have to stay up with my food poisoning for this? Can’t I do anything to get this lady to stop?”

60. Don’t worry, Nurse Liloki will take good care of you.

jthing-10

So she’s marching on the patient’s room with a baseball bat and glove. In case intruders come inside.

61. “Let’s try something a little more adventurous.”

Like-Laying-Pipe-Only-More-Perilous

I think this is taking things a bit too far. I mean making love on a log over a waterfall can result in grievous injury.

62. “Born to be wild..”

Lion-on-a-bicycle1

Looks like we have a true mountain lion on his mountain bike. And he’s having the time of his life.

63. When you spend so much on the phone that you don’t take time to listen to your wife.

maxresdefault-5a3924d54effc__700

Here the wife’s wielding the frying pan while her husband is on the phone. Would love to see them in couples counseling.

64. “But Mrs. Fletcherson, I don’t want to play the recorder.”

music-class-1

“Listen, Mister, we play recorders in music class and you’re gonna learn to it. Even if I have to drag your ass myself.”

65. Mr. July on the Gas Mask Hunks 2050 calendar.

original-20885-1400067660-10

The kind of man you’d want in your post-apocalyptic bunker once our human civilization is ravaged by catastrophic climate change. Named as one of the year’s most sexiest men. Given that his body shows no signs of radiation damage.

66. David is a very special boy.

original-3142-1400067753-15

Since while most people’s waists can only twist at 180 degrees, his turns 360. Yes, I know it looks freaky.

67. A child comes to terms with the harrowing reality that this is what it’ll be like until she retires.

original-5869-1400067887-3

Go ahead and cry, little girl. Adult life sucks. Also, you’ll be crying in your office a lot more often from now on.

68. Sometimes giving last respects can be very awkward.

original-6131-1400068423-3

I think we found the murderer. And they used the wrong casket, too.

69. It’s tough being a test dummy and in love.

original-9546-1400068367-5

“If we make it through this crash, Stanley, let’s run away together. We can get married in Vegas. Nobody will want to condemn us to car testing there.”

70. Tragically, even the North Pole wasn’t exempt from the drug crisis.

original-9764-1400068150-4

Given global warming, Donald Trump raging on Twitter over being on the naughty list, and other problems, could you blame Santa for shooting up heroin and snorting coke? Nonetheless, such image can ruin your childhood.

71. “Cheeseburgers! Cheeseburgers everywhere!”

original-10990-1400016502-15

This woman his haunted by cheeseburgers. Best she stay out of a Burger King, MacDonald’s, In&Out Burger, and other places.

72. Featuring the latest thing in food technology: white bread.

original-14145-1400017284-49

She kind of presents white bread as if it’s the new iPhone or something. Nice try, but she looks ridiculous. Since white bread has been around for decades.

73. Ladies can’t get enough of a manly canine lumberjack.

original-20987-1400067381-3

By day you can see him cutting down trees as well as peeing on them. Also enjoys long walks in the park and catch. Not to mention, he’s house-trained and got all his shots.

74. Sometimes you have to roll with the punches.

original-21775-1400067273-5

Seems like she’s getting a massage from a boxing glove. I know it seems straight out of an acid trip.

75. Ahhh…cactus.

original-21965-1400017509-16

The boy’s smelling a cactus. Hope he doesn’t get a nose full of needles.

76. A one-eyed accountant flashes “East Side” while listening to an abacus.

original-22521-1400016682-19

How do you listen to an abacus? Because as far as I know, you don’t.

77. In partnership with Lowe’s introducing the Victoria’s Secret Catalog: Handy Girl Edition.

original-grid-image-3335-1402313333-17

She can fix up your house and be a man’s bedroom fantasy at the same time. Though I don’t think wearing a skimpy outfit is a good idea, given the potential for injury.

78. “Honey, I can explain…”

original-grid-image-14961-1401874770-28

Sorry, Barry, but Jennifer knows you won’t leave your wife for her. So prepare to be bludgeoned to death by rolling pin.

79. “Ice, ice, baby…”

RS3827_76730896

Yes, we cling to anything to cool us down during the summer. But embracing a large block of it is a bit much.

80. Don’t mind Larry, he’s just taking a bath.

RS8711_177370706

However, most people don’t usually bathe in their scuba gear. Since most tubs aren’t as deep as the ocean.

81. Gone on a trip to an exotic Latin American country? Party in your car and pick up hitchhikers.

RS12576_200212590001

Actually picking up hitchhikers is a very bad idea. Also, standing up in the jeep isn’t wise either. Not to mention, I don’t think that car’s supposed to fit 7 or more people.

82. Oh, God, Santa’s been a naughty boy this year.

shutterstock_91032176

I’m sure Mrs. Claus won’t be happy when she finds out about this. Someone’s going to get coal in his stocking this Christmas as well as sleeping on the couch.

83. Jessie always feared the times when her daddy’s drunk.

shutterstock_123266260

Why is this a stock photo? It basically shows a girl afraid of seeing her dad with a bottle in one hand and a belt in the other. I think we can figure out what he’s going to do.

84. “Yo, yo, what time is it? Show time!”

shutterstock_139130681

“Uh, Holly, that’s not how we do a rap battle. You’re making us look like idiots. Can we just leave right now?”

85. “Put your hand on my womb, Jamie.”

shutterstock_151073729

Please, have this boy be her son and not her baby’s daddy. Because that boy is basically a teenager and any sexual relationship between a teen and adult is grounds for statutory rape.

86. “Our love literally defies gravity.”

shutterstock_164043788

I mean they’re jumping for joy yet their feet don’t touch the ground. This doesn’t conform to the laws of physics in the least.

87. “There’s a bear behind us? Let’s take a selfie.”

shutterstock_289609607-768x928

After this, Gary and Linda were never seen again. Or at least in one piece since the bear basically devoured them.

88. Simba rules the corporate boardroom.

stock21

Actually it’s a guy with a photoshopped lion’s mane. But Scar better watch his back since Simba will claim his rightful place as king of the pridelands.

89. “Help! I got myself stuck in the washing machine!”

Stocksy_txp4108491b6u6100_Small_3212-768x512

How is it possible to get stuck in a washing machine? Fortunately, none of the machines at the laundromat seem to be on at the moment.

90. Fancy a vacation on the moon?

studentmoon350.jpg

No, going to the moon isn’t like going to the beach. It has no atmosphere so you need to put a space suit on. Else, you’ll suffer a most horrible death.

91. “Good morning, class, hope you studied hard for today’s examination.”

teacherew350

Seriously, a teacher in high heels and miniskirt? She seems more suited to a porn “hot for teacher” movie than a school?

92. He’s known simply as “Pencil Boy.”

pencil boy

Because he has pencils stuck inside his orifices, save his eyes. Don’t be surprised if the teacher calls his mom saying he got beat up at school.

93. This year’s latest fashion trend: Lobster hair.

ThinkstockPhotos-160585806-768x768

Let’s hope the lobster is dead or plastic. Because a live one on that woman’s head simply terrifies me.

94. When you break into someone’s house in the most embarrassing way.

ThinkstockPhotos-177298287-768x931.jpg

Or when your scuba diving excursion goes humiliatingly wrong that you end up entering someone’s home through the toilet. Yeah, got to see how he’ll explain himself.

95. When the flight is overbooked but you can’t miss it.

tl-horizontal_main

Yes, she’s sitting out on the wing which is incredibly dangerous. But she manages to sit comfortably in her business dress and work on her laptop.

96. “We’re about to be beset with some minor turbulence.”

tl-horizontal_main2

Either the plane is facing some major turbulence, got shot up into space, or she’s got the acid kicking in. I don’t know how else to explain.

97. “I’m Mary Poppins y’all.”

tl-horizontal_main3

Yes, the acid’s definitely kicking in. Since traveling by umbrella doesn’t necessarily get you where you need to go.

98. “Let’s celebrate my survival from a plane crash with interpretive dance!”

tl-horizontal_main4

Uh, now’s not the time to do an interpretive dance moves. Better to get supplies and send a signal for a rescue.

99. This caged woman dreams of freedom from her gilded prison.

tl-horizontal_main7

Many people might see her as Melania Trump in a nutshell. Though Melania’s prison is the position of First Lady of the United States. Despite that all she wanted to be was a trophy wife to a moral degenerate fake billionaire.

100. A teddy bear goes on his winter trek.

Top-10-Worst-Stock-Photos-for-Your-Marketing-08-bear-on-the-go-climbing-mountain

I hope this bear isn’t trying to climb Mount Everest. Since he’s probably going to die after reaching the summit. Then again, the Sherpas won’t have trouble getting him there.

Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours on Christmas Memories (Fifth Edition)

221815_1012673437269_1238014538_1147165_290_n

During my first year in college, my mom took pictures of me and my sister outside to pose in photos with the dog, Diamond. My mom would later use one of the black and white pictures for our Christmas card that year.

For many, there’s no place like home during the holiday season. Since how else will you get those presents? Okay, I’m kidding. Still, Christmas is a time we spend with our families or our in-laws if you’re my dad. Seriously, my parents never had any debate on whose relatives to visit during the holidays since it was always my mom’s relatives. Because most of my dad’s relatives were either dead or lived far away along with being distantly related. Besides, when my Grandma C was alive, we’d take her with us. Anyway, when it comes to the holidays, we expect to have rosy memories with nice little photos to go with them. But human nature being what it is, things don’t always go that way. After all, I’ve managed to do 4 of these posts thanks to Awkward Family Photos. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy Christmas memories thanks to Awkward Family Photos. Enjoy.

  1. You can’t have a Christmas portrait without including the family dog.
5de52b2590887a5c0dd83a2835f66f4b

Though I don’t know about this arrangement. Seriously, the guy’s disembodied head is just weird.

2. It always helps to pose wearing your ugly sweater.

15yaPj7

Though they don’t seem to smile in the foreground. In fact, their faces in the background seems to represent happier times.

3. Don’t forget to pose with the lapdogs.

101-Lap-Dogs

You can see that these people are stinking rich as hell. And I’m sure they don’t look after the dogs themselves. Talk about excess.

4. There are some ugly sweaters more embarrassing than others.

0149bbd83ee3aaec4dbb909cf2c6c113

The guy just feels like, “Holy shit, my whole family’s going to see me in this in our Christmas card. God, I hope our kids don’t see this someday.”

5. Apparently, this fly on the wall has a camera.

486978176

You can see that nobody wants to pose for the photo here. Cue the guy whose head you can’t see.

6. There’s always someone in the family who doesn’t smile.

554816924

Apparently, they didn’t have photoshop back then. So a cutout of Dad’s smile was included.

7. “At least I didn’t get that ugly cat sweater.”

685375033

Indeed, the cat shirts are ugly. But the dark haired girl is greatly embarrassed.

8. These kids celebrate Christmas on the streets.

807009732

This family did a Jersey Shore themed Christmas card portrait with their kids. Don’t ask.

9. And that’s one on the nose.

1435140707

Well, the kid received a new pair of boxing gloves. So what do you expect?

10. Always mind the shadows.

1860621860

The woman on the left seems like she’s evil incarnate and about to chase children with an axe. The other two may just be her minions.

11. The first Christmas since the lobotomy is always the hardest.

2041772670

Okay, I know this is kind of mean. But I have to admit that the boy looks like a zombie for some reason.

12. I think Dad might want to avoid the local bar scene for awhile.

2488442195

I mean the guy has 2 black eyes, I had to invent something. Still, the baby’s angry look is utterly priceless.

13. You’re never too old to see Santa Claus.

2499047052

Actually, you can as you see with these middle-aged women. Whereas, Santa is like, “This doesn’t seem part of my job description.”

14. Since ugly sweaters have become popular, many take selfies wearing them.

2527075072

Those are supposed to be 3 deer humping. Also, how old is this guy? Cause he looks like a teenager.

15. “Did I just throw something?”

2646739944

It’s definitely the kid on the left. Also, what kind of parent makes their kids pose with a utility heater? Seriously, what the hell?

16. Apparently, the visit to Santa didn’t go as expected.

2662931704

The kid looks pretty glum since he probably didn’t want to be there. While the Santa looks pretty shady, especially with those glasses.

17. “Look out, frisbee!”

2861171585

Yet, the family seems quite oblivious to the situation with the dad kind of falling asleep. Not something you’d want in a Christmas card.

18. “Goalie gloves? Oh, you shouldn’t have.”

3189285865

I think the gloves were a joke gift. In any case, she didn’t find it funny.

19. Don’t be afraid to get your feet in the water.

3328287077

I know this is for a Christmas card. Yet, the kids just want to be as far from the parents as possible.

20. The family that dresses together stays together.

3363520153

But white turtlenecks? Seriously, that’s kind of tacky.

21. That present seems oddly strategically placed.

3415962470

That present is just as big as the kid. Wonder what’s in it that makes one want to open it.

22. “Mom likes you best.”

3637969503

The little boy just can’t seem to smile for the camera. Though he enviously looks at his brother who his parents see as practically perfect in every way.

23. “Quick get in the photo!”

3669838139

Apparently, she didn’t get in the picture in time. While a guy just looks into his phone. Seriously, they could’ve just took a selfie or get Jessie’s boyfriend to take the picture.

24. “Smile for the camera, kiddos.”

3894082491

From Awkward Family Photos: “My sister and I thought it might be a good idea to have our kids’ photos taken as a Christmas present for my mom. With two hungry, tired newborn babies and a bored 3 year old, it was quite possibly the worst day of our lives. This was the best pic we could get of all three of them.”

25. When Santa freaks the baby out so much he pees his pants.

3921330929

From Awkward Family Photos: “My youngest son peed all over Santa at the moment this picture was being taken, and Santa had some ‘choice words’ at that moment too. Meanwhile, my oldest son doesn’t know where a wristwatch goes.”

26. Timmy seems very proud of his ugly Christmas sweater this year.

4089914595

So they have sweater like that in child size? Seriously, the boy’s grandma will not be amused. His grandpa on the other hand…

27. The holidays are a time to be merry.

4107011859

Yet, this family seems quite depressed for some reason. Guess you can’t have a merry Christmas every year.

28. When your Christmas card picture goes totally wrong.

awkward10

Seems like everyone is doing their own thing in this picture. Then again, it’s quite difficult to get children to sit still.

29. No child is ever too young for parents to embarrass.

awkward-xmas-photos-stance

Doesn’t help that the dad has no idea how to pose at the fireplace. While the girl doesn’t seem to be having it.

30. When you and your relatives get the same sports bra for Christmas.

bros-bra-e1367901153601

Well, this is certainly awkward. Also, who the hell thinks a bra as a Christmas present is a good idea?

31. Perhaps the jammie pose wasn’t a good idea.

christmas-1984-e1352827053900

Most of the time, the dad wears long johns. Yet, he shouldn’t have put his hand between his legs.

32. Talk about falling flat on your face.

christmas-fall--1024x722

Yet, her sister smiles and holds her giant ornament for the camera. Acting as if nothing had happened.

33. “A Rough Rider BB Gun? Just what I always wanted.”

ChristmasStory-Xmas-Tree-3053pp

This is from A Christmas Story. And yes, Mom and Randy are worried about Ralphie shooting his eye out.

34. When the cork pops at the exact wrong moment.

cork-eye

Yes, that hit him right in the eye. Hope he can explain his shiner on New Years.

35. There’s a reason why men shouldn’t do Christmas cards.

dog1

From Awkward Family Photos: “My wife left the Christmas cards to me. She designed the front, but didn’t know about the back until all 50+ cards were shipped.”

36. There’s no better Christmas party than a solo party.

christmas-party

Yes, she photoshopped pictures of herself into one room. Kind of pathetic, actually.

37. Christmas is always the happiest time of year.

doll

Wonder if this couple is spending their last Christmas together. Since the woman holding the doll doesn’t seem too pleased in this picture.

38. This year’s Christmas card theme: The Grinch.

grinch

Though I’m not sure if the dad makes a convincing Grinch. Like the hairdos.

39. When your parents want you to settle down.

hint-768x1024

Yeah, you can guess she has no man and no job. Of course, my parents will probably give me books like this sometime soon.

40. “But, Grandma, I don’t want to play Little Red Riding Hood.”

image70

Wait until you see her brother dressed as the wolf. Seriously, you don’t want to venture into a dark forest in that.

41. Now that doesn’t seem like responsible parenting.

DSC_0239

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is a photo of my brother’s family. We were trying to get a nice Christmas card photo, and my brother was getting rid of his beer so it wouldn’t be in the picture. He wasn’t fast enough.”

42. “Didn’t they ask you not to wear your Hulk shirt?”

image-e1370304495487

That doesn’t seem appropriate for a family Christmas photo. But Uncle Larry owns a comic book store and doesn’t seem to care.

43. Wonder what Justin Timberlake got in his Christmas present.

justin-timberlake

This was back when he was in ‘NSYNC. Now he just looks ridiculous. While his present seems to resemble box of wine.

44. When your family makes an ornament of you suffering in the snow.

meltdown-768x1024

That’s not something you put in a Christmas ornament. Wonder how that girl’s putting up with that.

45. When your Christmas photo gets a rude surprise.

santa-finger-685x1024

From Awkward Family Photos: “We took the kids to take pictures with Santa. Needless to say we were shocked as we scrolled through the photos and saw our daughter’s middle finger up with her head turned and smiling.”

46. Hope you had a better Christmas than this family.

Screen-Shot-2012-12-11-at-9.00.06-PM

Yes, this is another Christmas Story card shot. One of the kids wears a pink bunny outfit.

47. Apparently, someone looked into Hannibal Lecter’s fridge.

Screen-Shot-2018-06-21-at-6.17.59-PM-1024x758

Don’t worry, those aren’t human remains. They’re just reserved for humans.

48. Unfortunately, Susie’s visit with Santa did not go well.

Screen-Shot-2018-08-23-at-1.19.50-PM-682x1024

While little Petey has peed his pants. Indeed, it’s not unusual for kids to be afraid of Santa.

49. “Now, Dylan, we don’t clutch our crotches in the picture.”

Screen-Shot-2018-11-18-at-3.54.24-PM-1024x762

From Awkward Family Photos: “Siblings Xmas photo circa 1980. I’m the one grabbing my crotch. This is the picture my parents chose to display.”

50. Sometimes it’s best to keep the dogs as far apart as possible.

Screen-Shot-2018-11-19-at-1.20.46-PM-1024x566

Since they’re basically humping in front of everyone to their dismay. Because dogs don’t care about privacy and photo ops.

51. Keep in mind when making signs that spacing is important.

Screen-Shot-2018-11-29-at-5.46.59-PM-1024x753

Because you get signs like this. By the way, that’s supposed to be “wise men” not “semen.”

52. Someone is scared of the Krampus.

krampus

From Awkward Family Photos: “This year a local costume shop was offering Krampus photos if you bring your own camera. Not much advertising, so no line when we arrived, just a guy in a suit and this lovely setup. My son is 5 and decided he wasn’t into taking a photo — no surprise — so he just look bummed out the whole time. Works for me.”

53. They seem to start so young, do they?

Screen-Shot-2018-12-04-at-5.39.56-PM-1024x674

Sophie may only be a few months old. But she already knows some ways of expressing herself, particularly in her disgust.

54. Rosie always comes prepared on Christmas.

Screen-Shot-2018-12-05-at-3.34.25-PM-1024x766

Since she’s hung an abnormally large Christmas stocking. Since she wants a lot of stuff this year.

55. Apparently, someone isn’t shy about where those presents really come from.

Screen-Shot-2018-12-12-at-4.59.52-PM-1024x763

So someone got the presents from Target. Though that’s not what you’re supposed to write on a present.

56. It’s going to be a dark Christmas indeed.

Screen-Shot-2018-12-13-at-5.48.06-PM-1024x1017

From Awkward Family Photos: “Merry Christmas from your friendly, neighborhood mall goths. 2005.”

57. “No, I don’t want to sit on your lap, Santa.”

Screen-Shot-2018-12-13-at-12.57.23-PM-1024x738

From Awkward Family Photos: “We took my daughter to get her yearly photo with Santa and when Santa asked what she’d like for Christmas she said a ‘pink’ doll. He couldn’t hear her color choice and she then very politely stuck her middle finger up and shouted ‘pink, like this!’ She had on pink fingernail polish at the time.”

58. Christmas always brings in warm smiles.

Screen-Shot-2018-12-18-at-7.30.31-PM-1024x690

Indeed, only one of the girls is smiling for the photo. The others, not so much.

59. Hope you have a Grinch-free holidays.

slack-imgs.com_

This is another Grinch Christmas card. Notice how they didn’t quite remove the makeup in the other picture.

60. When your nose runs, it just won’t stop.

snot

Someone give Jimmy a Kleenex. Cause that’s just plain gross.

61. Always make a holiday entrance in lights.

untitled1

From Awkward Family Photos: “A couple of years ago my daughter had surgery on both of her legs over Christmas break. Tired of being cooped up in the house she decided last minute she wanted to go to a Christmas party with her church youth group. We scrambled for ideas for the costume competition and settled on her being a ballerina from The Nutcracker (her sister went as a nutcracker). This was taken midway through the party when I’m pretty sure she was exhausted and maybe the pain meds started wearing off. Either way, her friends decided to make her a bit more festive and this is the end result.”

62. There are Thank You notes and there’s this.

uncle-1024x1006

From Awkward Family Photos: “My husband’s uncle didn’t like one of the gifts we got him for Christmas so he sent it back to us with this letter. I don’t think we’ll get him anything at all next year.”

63. Uh, those aren’t exactly Christmas socks.

socks-819x1024

More like 420 socks. If you don’t know what that is, Google it and be astonished by the term.

64. “Dad, for God’s sake, get a shirt on.”

sweater-2

From Awkward Family Photos: “Before our son left for the Navy we decided to take one last family vacation. Hawaii seemed perfect, however our 13-year-old daughter was less than pleased the entire trip and refused to wear shorts or anything else weather appropriate. My husband insisted on a family photo and this was the best we could do.”

65. Why not celebrate all the holidays on Christmas?

untitled

From Awkward Family Photos: “For our annual Christmas card one year, my dad decided it would be a good idea to showcase ALL of the holidays. Sancho the dog is Arbor Day.”

66. Husbands, whatever you do don’t give your wife a vacuum for Christmas.

vacuum

Because it’s guaranteed that she won’t like it. Seriously, just don’t.

67. “Here, take your screaming kid off from me.”

baby-mama-christmas-e1482790906438-785x1024

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is me with Santa in 1975. I can’t tell who is more unhappy, me or him.”

68. “Please don’t put me on his lap!”

untitled2

From Awkward Family Photos: “My 4 year old son Jack had been asking to meet Santa. However, when we got to the mall he confessed he was nervous. When it was our turn he really didn’t want to at all, if you can’t tell.”

69. Amy knows a bad Santa when she sees one.

awkward-christmas-e1482447785157-769x1024

From Awkward Family Photos: “We dug this gem up recently. None of us realized how creepy the Santa was except our baby sister. We still aren’t sure where the camera actually was.”

70. “Sorry, Al, but nobody’s going along with it.”

1784335249

From Awkward Family Photos: Ant Man “This portrait was taken at my family’s 2010 Christmas celebration, when we gathered from all over the USA. The guy in the ant costume is my husband. Respecting the industriousness and work ethic of the European Wood Ant, he believes everyone should emulate ants for the forthcoming year. He is the only person I know who celebrates this way.”

Yearbook Pictures of Schooldays Past

0008

While studio portraits usually reflect us looking our best, this isn’t the case with school pictures. More often than not, having your picture taken in school usually consists of you sitting for the photographer for a few minutes before they send you on your way. Not to mention, our yearbook pictures often show us in hairstyles and outfits that haven’t aged necessarily well. This is especially the case for those who attended school during the 1960s to the 1980s. Then there’s the fact many children don’t like sitting still or having their picture taken while grade school kids may be sporting missing teeth. Not to mention, when kids reach middle school age and hit puberty, they often go a few years in an awkward phase. Some may even wear braces or have very terrible acne. Anyway, the school pictures you see on this post come from Awkward Family Photos, which will make your embarrassing yearbook pics seem rather tame in comparison. So for your reading pleasure, bask in these old yearbook photos that will give you much needed back to school giggles.

  1. Sometimes you ought to know when not to put your hair up.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is a photo of my mom when she was in 6th grade. Not sure who her barber was but they may have been blind.”

2. Apparently, Austin Powers’ mojo didn’t pass down to his young son.

Though he can behave well enough to become an international man of mystery. But the garish shirt is another matter.

3. They call him, “Triangle Guy.”

I don’t think I’d smile with pride if I played the triangle in the marching band. Then again, he may have played other instruments.

4. Obviously, Napoleon Dynamite’s school picture is exactly what you’d expect.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My senior yearbook photo, shot in the summer of 1977. My mother handed me her charge card (with a note allowing me to use it) and dared to let me go alone to pick-out my photo attire. She was horrified when I brought home a green leisure suit, sans tie. She marched me back to Montgomery Ward and returned it, and purchased this proper three-piece corduroy suit, in rust, complete with a clip-on tie and matching suede shoes. Not only was I Napoleon Dynamite before he was even born, when I looked at the yearbook photos the next year, most of the boys wearing leisure suits didn’t graduate. Thanks Mom!”

5. In the 1980s, frizzy hair was all the rage.

From Awkward Family Photos: “I love this photo because there was no doubt in my mind that I looked absolutely awesome that day. This was my favorite look and I rocked it with zero shame. Incidentally, it would be years before a boy actually liked me, but I was too cool to care.”

6. Heard of 13 Going on 30? Well, this is 6 going on 60.

From Awkward Family Photos: “Although it was nearly 30 years ago, I remember this day. Specifically, I remember putting a lot of thought into the details of my outfit. I needed to look sophisticated, and mature, but like I still knew how to have fun (hence the bolo tie and homemade fimo clay earrings). My mother helped me achieve this look by graciously allowing me to get a perm on only the top of my short hair, and by choosing my fantastic eye wear.”

7. When it’s school picture day and have to hide your hideous haircut.

From Awkward Family Photos: “The year– 1977. For my 2nd grade class picture, I was determined to wear this hat my Grandmother made for me; after all, it matched the dress my mother picked out for me! This photo is the re-take; when my mom saw the first picture – with the hat – she made me go for a do-over. Needless to say the hat came with that day too. I still stand by my decision.”

8. Apparently, wearing his hair in braids didn’t go over too well.

From Awkward Family Photos: “When my daughter asks why she can’t wear things she thinks are ‘cool,’ I show her this photo from my freshman year in high school.”

9. She has a rather angelic side to her.

The site states that it’s a senior portrait. But from the lighting, you get the impression she’s dead.

10. Nothing can tear apart a boy and his chair.

Seems more like he’s posing for a cheap advertisement or Power Point background. I’m expecting to see a brand new product or some cheesy word art any time now.

11. When you wake up with a bad hair day for school photos.

From Awkward Family Photos: “That was the last time my mom ever did my hair.” And yes, her hair is quite atrocious.

12. There are times when some people don’t know when to stop with the hair care products.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is my oldest brother. When he came to the states , his first obsession was rock&roll… followed by big hair.”

13. The 1980s saw all kinds of mullets such as the spike top.

From Awkward Family Photos: “When my son asks why he can’t get his hair cut in a style he thinks is ‘cool’, I show him this photo from my freshman year in high school.”

14. Dwayne was always a proud son of the South.

Here he stands tall in front of the racist Confederate flag wearing a tux, mullet, and earring. Seriously, if he wore camo, he’d be full redneck.

15. A fisher always poses with his rod and reel.

And he’s not really smiling with dignity either. Nor does he seem near a lake either.

16. “I don’t want to have my picture taken!”

Then again, a lot of kids don’t like their pictures taken. This guy is no exception. But he seems among the few to show it.

17. Care to kick back and relax in a glass?

At first I thought this was some kind of ad judging by the graphics. As a school photo, it’s utterly messed up.

18. “Shirts are for losers, nerds.”

Yet, shirtlessness goes against the school dress code. As does sunglasses. But good luck telling him that.

19. Who remembers the triangle hair trend?

From Awkward Family Photos: “My mother got her hairdresser diploma in 1987. I was a poor innocent victim of her experiments. I guess she put a billiard triangle around my head and put some hairspray.”

20. Some parents have no idea when their daughter is old enough for a bouffant.

Little kids shouldn’t have big hair like that. Her parents should’ve waited until she was around, well, 40.

21. When your parents make you wear a shirt that will certainly get you beat up in school.

He can’t even smile for the camera because he knows his classmates will laugh at him. For his shirt is utterly tacky.

22. A child should always put on a happy face.

Yet, this girl seems like she’s about to kick ass in an action movie. So don’t call her pigtails cute.

23. In school pictures placement is everything.

And having that log between that boy’s legs leaves a lot to interpretation. Not sure if that’s an appropriate pose for grade-schoolers.

24. Even supervillains had to go through school once.

Okay, he’s just a comic book fan. Not sure what he’s supposed to be. But he’ll fit right in at Comic Con.

25. Sometimes injuries can’t be helped.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This my son’s school pic after busting his lip. Poor kid rolled off the bed, hit his night stand, and had to get stitches. Then picture day!”

26. If you’re in marching band, setting is everything.

From Awkward Family Photos: “In the truest sense of the term, this is an awkward family photo. Circa 1984. Failing to capture the spirit of my role in the North Stafford High School marching band, dad thought it made sense to stage a photo of me in my uniform … in the woods … in a chair that just happened to be there … and without my sax. Instead, it looks like I am the young regent of Sherwood Forest, perhaps its constable, given the bobby hat.”

27. She wanted to pose with her 2 great loves, bowling and Shakespeare.

From Awkward Family Photos: “In our senior English class we had to make Shakespearean Globe Theaters out of a non-wood material. My group used duct tape. To complete the look for the senior picture, I wore my duct tape dress, shoes, tiara and bracelet. I don’t know how the bowling pin on a pedestal worked into the theme.”

28. Seeing what’s on her shirt, you’d question her sanity.

Indeed, that may be what her shirt says. But it doesn’t reflect well on her.

29. Let’s look inside the mind of a male clarinet player in a marching band.

This is an iconic image of awkwardness. So I couldn’t leave it out if I tried.

30. “But I don’t wanna wear my Dalmatian outfit.”

From Awkward Family Photos: “Just found this gem today. Apparently my mother thought it was appropriate to take me to a rave in a dalmation outfit. Needless to say, I was not happy.”

31. Apparently, Robbie is destined to become a sportscaster someday.

I mean he’s wearing glasses and an irrepressibly tacky football shirt. Think that explains it all.

32. Apparently, he’ll grow up to be an aerobics instructor at some point.

However, his fashion sense leaves much to be desired. But he doesn’t care.

33. “Do we need another retake?”

I’m sure we all feel this way during school pictures. Most kids just want to get their photo done and get going.

34. With this Annie, it’s a hard knock life.

From Awkward Family Photos: “I was 6 years old. My mother was obsessed with me being Annie because I had curly hair. So, she fluffed it up, bought me a red dress and a stuffed dog and had my picture taken. I can’t sing, I can’t dance and had no interest in theater. Hopefully, the photo was enough for her dream.”

35. A baseball player always wants to pose with his bat.

Though often placement is everything. This might lead to some rather R-rated interpretations.

36. Some high school seniors just want to see everything burn.

Seems like he’s trying to make himself appear as badass as possible. Too bad he doesn’t have hard abs to make it compelling.

37. Make sure your pigtails aren’t too outlandish.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is what happens when Mom goes out of town and Dad is responsible for making sure I am ready for picture day at school.”

38. On picture day, don’t forget to wear your best spiked collars.

Seems more appropriate for a dog or gang member. But he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Until 10 years later.

39. Like they say, follow your passion.

Yet if that passion is balloon animals, expect not to get laid in high school. Since they’re kind of cheesy.

40. The 1980s were known for large frizzy hairdos.

Apparently, it’s a mix between a mullet and a weeping willow. The top is just ridiculous.

41. This high school soccer player takes his sport very seriously.

Funny how he’s sitting on a fold up chair with a soccer ball. Possibly dwelling on life’s biggest questions or soccer as a metaphor.

42. Apparently, she has a rather split personality.

And I think she probably has split ends. Certainly a photo her kids will laugh at someday.

43. She may be a girl on the inside. But outside she’s all mail.

Well, she’s wearing chainmail. Mostly because she lost a bet. Or is playing Joan of Arc in the school play.

44. “Would you please tell me where the fire is?”

Indeed, he’s carrying a fire extinguisher. Yet, he’s not sure what fire he should put out.

45. Say hello to a future car salesman.

I mean the kid’s wearing a suit, vest, and bolo tie. And he’s holding a banner with a big smile on his face.

46. Apparently, they also do school pictures at Bajor.

Wonder if this is a school photo of Major Kira. Then again, a good school photo might’ve been the last thing a Bajoran would think about under Cardassian rule.

47. There are some people who will always be more photogenic than others.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is probably one of the worst school pictures ever. I must have been laughing when he took the picture. But why would my mom send me out like that with my hair like that, knowing that it was picture day? Everyone who sees it asks me, “Were you on drugs?”, my response was “No!”, but I should have been. I am a fairly good looking guy, I promise.”

48. “Smile? You can’t make me!”

Man, she must be a stubborn girl. Yet, she won’t be moved in the slightest.

49. This boy’s got a wicked future ahead of him.

From Awkward Family Photos: “For my 2nd grade photo I opted for the ‘Satan’s child lawyer’ look.”

50. Here Liza poses with E.T. for school.

E.T. in the movie may be freaky but he’s kind of charming. But the E.T. in this photo outright terrifies me.

51. Tessa was voted by her class as Most Likely to Hoard Cats.

After all, she’s wearing a cat vest. And when she grows up, she’ll become one of those crazy cat ladies.

52. When you’re a cowboy, your hat can be as fancy as you want it to be.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My son became a cowboy over the summer, with a feather boa hat. I love that his loose tooth he wouldn’t let me pull was just hanging for his school picture.”

53. Maybe the Gap Athletic shirt was a bad idea.

Reading from this angle, it spells out “pathetic.” That poor kid.

54. This guy seems to have no motivation whatsoever.

His shirt states “No Goals.” Though it may say more than that. Yet, the camera will only get the top.

55. “Honestly, I only went there for the Buffalo wings.”

From Awkward Family Photos: “Looks like I dressed myself for class photos… My cousin told me Hooters was a donut shop.” That’s what they all say.

56. Didn’t know the “sassy grandma” look was a hit back in the day.

She’s even wearing a sparkly outfit. but the hair speaks for itself.

57. Apparently, Guy Fieri hasn’t changed much since middle school.

Yep, seems like he’s taking one-way ticket to Flavortown on that one. Can see the flames on his collar.

58. Isn’t he a bit young to do Shakespeare?

Actually it’s a school picture from the Ukraine. They seem to take the concept to a whole new level.

59. For his picture, little Jason wore his favorite bunny shirt.

Uh, that’s the Playboy bunny. Even more disturbing, since when did they make T-shirts with the Playboy Bunny for 5-year-olds?

60. If you think playing the triangle in marching band is pathetic, you haven’t met this guy.

Actually, he might just be a normal percussionist. Yet, the expression on his face shows he doesn’t like posing with tiny cymbals.

61. “Would you like to play with me?”

I don’t know if it’s the lighting, her outfit, or her hair. But that girl’s expression kind of freaks me out for some reason.

62. As most kids smile on school picture day, Robbie is dead inside.

Seems like the demons have taken over him and rendered him into a soulless vessel. Or he just got kissed by Dementors.

63. “One more day, before the show.”

“With the saxephones a playing./When the low brass starts to drone.”

64. Some pre-schoolers prefer to keep mum.

From Awkward Family Photos: “When the teacher laughs while handing you the picture packet and says they tried everything they could, you know you’ve got a winner. When asked ‘Lilly, why didn’t you smile?’ Her response was simple: ‘I don’t like school and I don’t like to smile.’ And that will tell you everything you need to know about this 4-year-old.”

65. When the ball isn’t burning, you’re not playing hard enough.

Let’s hope this is photoshop. Because you can’t trust a kid holding a burning ball.

66. A decade later, Malarie would work as a secretary.

This bob 1970s haircut is hideous. Why would any parent subject their little girl to that?

67. Who can resist this smile?

From Awkward Family Photos: “When you are 6 years old and have been preparing all morning to pose with your hand on your hip for school pictures, because that is the cutest pose after all, and then are told to put your hand on your chin, suddenly pictures don’t seem as fun.”

68. Someone’s creeping among the tall trees.

From Awkward Family Photos: “I was having my senior photos taken and decided that I wanted something different than everyone else. Something that was fun and wasn’t so cookie-cutter. My friend, who was killing some time with me, got a Druid’s cloak from the trunk of my car, (Who didn’t have one of those in their car? It was the 90’s after all), and lurked around in the background. I dunno, I kind of like it.”

69. Mushroom hair was all the rage back in the 1970s.

Apparently, parents at the time thought such hairstyle was cute on their children. But I think it makes this little girl seem like she’s going to haunt your dreams.

70. Make sure the hair pieces always match the dress.

You’d almost think she was straight out of Little House on a Prairie. Save for the top of her hair.

71. Sometimes you’re so blasé that even faking a smile is impossible.

Wonder what’s keeping him down. School picture day? Family troubles? We may never know.

72. Joey must look his best as a keyboard virtuoso.

And here he stands for the picture all proud of himself, too. And yes, he’s a redhead with glasses.

73. Alan is always great at carrying logs on his shoulder.

I don’t like to stereotype but his short shorts aren’t helping one it. Seriously, you can see the pockets.

74. With Lacey, it’s hammer time.

In true MC Hammer fashion, she wears sunglasses and a baseball cap. But you can’t touch this.

75. “Want to see my troll collection?”

Indeed, she has a collection of troll dolls. And all clad in the same dress as she is.

76. This redhaired Fonz always knows he’s cool.

Sure he’s only about 9. But already he thinks he’s the biggest guy on campus.

77. Apparently, this young Juggalo seems to regret his school photo.

I believe he’s not wearing any face paint. Yet, his hair goes in all directions.

78. For your senior picture, you can never have enough props.

Actually, I might beg to differ. Yet, it seems this girl can’t really decide among the crap below.

79. You can pose for a picture in all kinds of patterns.

However, I don’t think a shirt like this is appropriate for a school picture. Seems to consist of sex, lies, and video tape.

80. Senior portraits are always precious.

Yet, I wouldn’t want to pose with Gollum since he needs his precious. Also, he’s been corrupted by the One Ring for far too long.

81. “Can I introduce you to my little friend?”

Yes, he’s holding a rat, which he keeps as a pet. I know it’s kind of weird.

82. Can’t believe I found a grade school picture of Miss Grokey.

She’s the hippie teacher from Recess. Okay, her hair’s short but she more or less resembles a secretary.

83. Cindy always enjoyed hours on the phone.

Before cell phones, people talked to each other on cord phones. You also had to memorize numbers, too.

84. Mike never fails to impress with his own bear.

Here he poses with his beloved bear rug. And yes, the bear has sunglasses to match.

85. “I’ve seen things at pre-school no one dared to talk about.”

Seems like she’s already traumatized by all the playground drama. And she can’t unsee it.

86. Apparently, Ellie’s mom is a hairdresser for old ladies.

From Awkward Family Photos: “Yeah, so I heard my best friend was made into a meme called the 60 year-old girl?”

87. “Ask me to smile one more time…”

Doesn’t help that he’s wearing a pink shirt and a sweater vest. Perhaps he knows he’s going to be beat up at school over his outfit.

88. It’s said that the outdoors bring great acoustics.

Wonder how she got her harp near the waterfall. Since they’re quite huge.

89. You’d think this girl would spend her spare time at a bingo hall.

From Awkward Family Photos: “A gem I found of my sister-in-law. I will call her ‘Razz-A-Ma-Tazz’ for her upside-down shades.”

90. When your hair’s not big enough, wear a wig.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is my sister’s school photo in 1971. My Mom insisted that she wear and wig and as you can imagine, she wasn’t very happy about it. It was of course great to see your older sister get some pay back for all the torture she had caused me during that period.”

91. “You can get a lot of chicks with a keyboard.”

However, his fashion sense is best to be desired. Thinks he’s cool but comes off as ridiculous.

92. Don’t forget to dress appropriately for the camera.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My friend’s Mom mixed up pajama day with picture day. He was not pleased.”

93. Sometimes you just have to take the plunge.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My daughter collected toilet plungers when she was little. None of them ever met a toilet, face-to-face, she just liked them. She always wanted to see the ‘plunger section’ of any given store we went to. She painted the handles on some of them and would frequently line them up as her opening act for the puppet shows she would put on.”

94. Stanley was voted in his class Most Likely to Become a Serial Killer.

Sure he’s not holding a knife. But a book of pocket knives just makes you wonder about him.

95. There are some kids who don’t always know how to smile.

From Awkward Family Photos: “Our 4 year old daughter, who refers to herself as Penny Cat Aurora Leopard Butterfly With No Wings, was greatly anticipating picture day at preschool. She styled her own outfit for the occasion, and when the photographer told her to ‘Smile pretty like a princess’, this magic happened.”

96. “Let’s explore the wonders of the cosmos.”

Guess this guy is an avid Carl Sagan fan. And yes, the Milky Way Galaxy is made of “billions and billions” of stars.

98. Apparently, her hands are totally out of proportion.

Okay, those are doll hands. But they’re nonetheless incredibly creepy.

99. Casey has a knack for wildlife.

Don’t want to know what he’s doing with that raccoon. Though I know it’s taxidermy.

100. No matter how hard she tries, she just can’t feel it.

Well, she’s trying to smile. But it’s practically impossible for her at this point.

The World According to Stock Photography

antonio-guillem-girl-winning-good-news-stock-photography

While much of my blog has been filled with posts teeming with outrage over what my country has become since President Pussy-Grabber was sworn in to encouraging ICE to separate families at the border and putting children in cages, tent cities, and concentration camps, we should try to maintain our sanity with some fun now and then. No matter how hard it might seem to be. Nonetheless, like Lord Hamsterhair Cheetohead lately, stock photography is everywhere since it consists of photographs that can be licensed for public or commercial use. Whether used in marketing, advertising, or design as long as it’s not illegal or harmful, many graphic designers, web designers, and other professionals frequently take advantage of stock images to fill their design needs. Anyway, most often you’ll find stock photos on professional websites and greeting cards. In fact, it’s a whole industry which started in the 1920s as a way for professional photographers to market outtakes from commercial photo shoots. But many pro photographers today take photos exclusively for stock purposes since a large portfolio can earn a considerable amount of money each month from selling their images through a photography website. Even if the photographer doesn’t add new photos on a regular basis. Still, they have a reputation for being notoriously cheesy and generic with bland happy faces in their diverse workplaces of harmony and in their seemingly perfect but bland families. But there are some stock photos that are too ridiculous to explain or don’t seem to have any applicable purpose whatsoever. So for your reading pleasure, I give you an assortment of crazy stock photos. By the way, some of these might not be safe for work.

  1. “Do you know how to work this thing?”

I’m sure these guys have no idea to function as a news crew. Or they’re just goofing off.

2. Anyone can be a princess.

However, this guy seems to be really pushing the envelope. Still, he rocks the red sash.

3. So what do they call if you cross a dog and a frog?

Yes, I know it’s photoshopped. But you have to wonder about the mad scientist who’d create this freak of nature.

4. It’s been said his brains are made of noodles.

Granted, I love pasta and noodles. But this isn’t the kind candlelight dinner I’d want to participate in.

5. Not all snails travel at a snail’s pace.

This one practically gallops. Oh, wait, why does this one have legs?

6. Apparently, The Shape of Water didn’t get a stellar reception on a small budget.

This is why using CGI is important. Because simply kissing a fish is just ridiculous.

7. There are centaurs and there are these.

Somehow a horse head with a human lower body doesn’t look so good. And I think the centaur would agree with me.

8. Some chick just got puffed.

Guess someone decided to get a large blue fro. The other can’t help but stare.

9. Apparently, Swamp Thing decided to leave the swamp and get a regular job.

Though he’s got a tendency to track in leaves now and then. Here you see him fetching a file.

10. When you’ve been in a car wreck but the boss insists you show up for work on Monday.

Yeah, you can’t really do your office job after you’ve been injured in a number of places. But I guess his workplace doesn’t have paid sick leave.

11. When you’re robbing the place and want to show some color.

From Outbound: “A jaunty cravat makes any robbery a special occasion.” And here he’s stealing a hard drive.

12. Bertha always saw herself as a queen.

She’s even wearing a pink dress and a tiara. But she thinks she looks fabulous.

13. This astronaut has a flight to catch in space.

I see he’s got his luggage with him since he can’t do his laundry at the ISS. Still, why is he wearing a space suit?

14. It’s nice that Jerry has decided to make dinner tonight.

Heard his secret sauce is from an old family recipe. It’s said to include a tablespoon of arsenic, a teaspoon of strychnine, and just a pinch of cyanide.

15. This dog breed is known as a Jacques Rousseau Terriere.

He’s easy to distinguish from the Jack Russell with his curly mustache, his taste in French bread and wine, and his penchant for berets, paintings, and arthouse films. And he doesn’t care for pretentious cheap dog food either.

16. Apparently, the mime has just managed to escape from the jaws of death.

And by “jaws” I mean large chomping mouth of teeth you’d find at a dentist’s office. Doesn’t seem thrilling does it?

17. Seems like this chimp is quite the chatterbox.

“And then I told him, ‘Dude, chill down. It’s not worth flinging your poo over.'”

18. Didn’t know you could play frisbee with your pet turtle.

Apparently, they’re really great at playing fetch for some reason. Don’t really see why since they move like, well, turtles.

19. Wonder how many pictures did they take of him?

Even this kid is baffled. And he sat for the other pictures.

20. Her face is a little cracked.

Let’s hope that her delicate eggshell face cracks don’t lead anything to spill over. Because that would really make a mess.

21. Wearing a watermelon helmet changes everything.

This is especially when you’re wearing goggles and stick your tongue out. Wonder if he’s high on life.

22. And now, a stop-motion version of Romeo and Juliet by director Wes Anderson.

Yes, it consists of two people wearing animal masks and dressed in hipster clothing. Don’t think this will go well for Wes. Unless he casts Owen Wilson as Friar Lawrence.

23. With romantic dinners, there are just some foods you shouldn’t make out with.

Sharing a kiss during a romantic dinner a la Lady and the Tramp is romantic. Sharing a kiss during a chicken dinner is just plain disgusting.

24. Crazy Larry will clean your car and keep it nice and polished.

But don’t you leave anything in it. Or else he’ll take it and pawn it off for some extra cash to support his meth habit. He’s also had an infamous reputation with the ladies and a record of sexual misconduct.

25. During desert nights, beware of the fierce and dreaded cattysnake.

Known to hang around pumpkin patches for some reason. But while they may be cuddly, their bites are deadly.

26. “Take that, you pathetic puppy!”

I kind of feel bad for the dog here. I mean how is anyone going to take him seriously after getting the crap beat out of him by a guy in a banana costume?

27. When your baking has caused your stove to burst into flames but you don’t have a care in the world.

The smoke detector is on the fritz like crazy. But instead of getting the fire extinguisher or calling the fire department, he’s watching the stove burn with a glass of wine.

28. Want to eat a slice of bread with nails?

Of course, you want to eat that. Because you’d find swallowing all those nails as painful as hell.

29. You’re never too old to have fun.

Since when do they have rocking horses in adult size? And since when do old men enjoy going on horsey rides?

30. When you just have to get that last selfie while your friend is about to be burned for a human sacrifice.

“I know you’ll be burned to death, Kyle. But for now, let’s remember the good times before I get the hell out of here.”

31. “Greg, I don’t think you get the meaning of ‘Casual Friday.'”

I mean he’s showed up with messy hair and no shirt. And I’m not sure if he’s even wearing pants or shoes.

32. “Ahhh, grass!”

Yes, she enjoys lying in the grass. Then again, she could be murdered in the middle of nowhere.

33. “Wanna see my pineapple dance?”

Funny, how that one pineapple is conveniently placed in her crotch region. Not to mention, she’s wearing a winter hat.

34. When you’re in a tender embrace with your significant other but are considering other options.

Indeed, they’re hugging each other while checking their phones. Guess that’s modern dating nowadays.

35. “Help! I’m trapped in a jar with exclamation points!”

And I guess she’s trying to figure her way out of there. Though she might be running out of ideas.

36. “Answer the question or I’ll shoot!”

Not exactly the best way to deal with the big questions. Shoot first never works well.

37. “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Business Man!”

Flying in the air faster than a speeding printer and more powerful than a server filled with memoranda. Flying through the sea of finance and willing to save the day from a calamitous paper jam.

38. Presented The Bachelor: Equine Edition.

Watch a bunch of mares compete for the heart of this dashing stallion at this lavish stable. Or as it’s better known: Study Duty.

39. Since she was a little girl, this demonic goblin had a dream to dance.

Here she does her Black Swan dance for the Transylvania Ballet Theater. Graceful isn’t she? Wonder if she’d do well with Gollum.

40. Ever heard of Wendy of Wendy’s? Turns out she has a brother named Wendell.

He’s a certified public accountant at some firm in Cedar Rapids. They don’t talk about him much.

41. “If we should go down, we’ll die together.”

For God’s sake, the two have guns pointed at each other? You can guess they’re going to blow each other’s brains out eventually.

42. A well-dressed mouse should always stand for a portrait.

Though why she has human hands, I have no idea. Though she strikes a regal pose.

43. If you can’t get Bill Nye the Science Guy, here’s Lab Guy Larry.

He’s kind of a poor man’s Bill Nye. Except way more careless and prone to bites from skeletons.

44. This nun seeks prayer and meditation under the sea.

Don’t know how she can be underwater without scuba gear. Not to mention, look serene in that heavy habit.

45. This pampered pooch always has to shop till she drops.

Carrie Pawpaws just has to have those designer dog collars. Not to mention, those fine rawhide bones and squeaky toys.

46. After a career terrorizing Gotham City, the Joker decided to work for Wayne Enterprises as an accountant.

Now whenever he wants to terrorize Gotham, he just embezzles money and commits insider trading. Because white-collar criminals seldom get punished.

47. Open wide for this puffer fish.

Uh, those fish are actually poisonous. So trying to eat one like that is a very easy way to die. But this woman doesn’t get the memo.

48. This boxer has become the reigning champion of his sister’s bedroom.

Or he might just have a girly taste in decorating. You never know. But he doesn’t seem bothered by it either way.

49. Some days you just need to relax with some Post-It Notes.

Notice she has nothing written on them. But she doesn’t give a damn since she’s in her happy place.

50. When you find out that your longtime crush is in a relationship on social media.

Indeed, she feels dead inside. But she can’t really look away. I know she’s getting carried away. Yet, get her time.

51. “Thank God, I saved the crucial paperwork!”

Still, when you’re out in the water, saving the paperwork is the least of your worries. For God’s sake, you’re better off trying to find dry land.

52. “Now, class, when I ring the bell, settle down and I’ll give you candy.”

Not sure if employing Pavlov’s techniques will help. This especially goes if they’re in high school.

53. “Sit down, class, let’s get busy on those physics problems.”

If I had a teacher like that in school, I’d suspect I was in a porno. And that one of my classmates was about to fall victim to statutory rape. Then again, it’s best not to judge by appearances. But come on, would any school let a teacher dress like that?

54. “Sit down, kids, it’s time to learn.”

I guess you won’t have a good time in this guy’s class. Behave or he’ll introduce you to his friend, Mr. Longstick.

55. In the future, people will spend hours marveling and contemplating on corn.

Now I know where that family got their idea for their crazy futuristic corn people Christmas card. Didn’t know it was from a stock photo that made no sense.

56. “All right, don’t move! This is a raid!”

Man, armed robbers and murderers really do start young these days. Also, don’t mind the hand above. My guess is that person is dead.

57. You’ll always have a good time in a string quartet.

Yeah, I don’t think it’s like Sex and the City with stringed instruments and old timey costumes. Yeah, I know it’s really crazy.

58. When it rains, she barely touches the chair.

This stock photo was brought to you by the power and imagination that comes with brown acid. Because someone must’ve been tripping balls to come up with this photo idea.

59. “Paint me like one of your French girls.”

Maybe he should take off his clothes first. Then again, it would still be kind of silly. Except if he had rock hard abs. But I can’t imagine that.

60. For some reason those trapped in jars will either panic or try to get out.

The businessman is especially panicky. The construction worker’s just scaling the walls.

61. I’m positive she’s going out with a bang.

Because that’s what happens when you light a dynamite stick with a cigarette. It’s sure to be explosive.

62. “Oh, shit, I’ve burned the chicken!”

Yet, she’s not wearing oven mitts. While smoke is coming out of the oven.

63. Walk on the moon? That’s so 1969.

So this astronaut has decided to bike on the moon. Not sure if the tires will retain air in the vacuum of space.

64. This Christmas Santa is ditching his sleigh and reindeer for a magic jet.

Because he needs a more efficient way to deliver all those presents on one night. Unfortunately, Rudolph and the other reindeer may not see it that way.

65. Is there a fire? Call the fire lizard.

Well, maybe if the fire is confined to a small tree. Comes complete with his red hat and fire extinguisher.

66. Don’t have a defibrillator? A pair of irons will do.

Still, he seems very excited to use them on his patient. Kind has crazy eyes and a weird smile. This doesn’t look good.

67. Introducing Captain Waggles of the U.S.S. Doggypaddle.

Here he is with a lifejacket and fingers up. Wait a minute, dogs don’t have fingers.

68. It’s said those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

And that people who work in glass offices with glass dividers shouldn’t have sex on the job. Let’s hope neither are married with families.

69. When you’re a TV, it’s always dinner for one.

And I see she’s looking at a TV screen. Kind of twisted if you ask me.

70. Didn’t know that farts can leave a cloud of gas.

And it’s drifting to the flowers. Well, at least we aren’t around when the cheese was cut.

71. “Hello, darkness, my old friend….”

Yet, he lies in his bed on a sheet cake which will get his face covered in icing. But he’s laying awake in existential dread and loneliness.

72. When you’re in the buff and you need to feed your cat.

Notice how the fridge door is conveniently placed over him. Just so he can give his cat some meat.

73. “Okay, let’s put our helmets together.”

Yet, they’re clad in high heels and dresses. Not exactly what you’d wear on a motorcycle.

74. Chipmunks like to get it on at the copier.

Don’t know about you. But I’ve got a feeling those at the office will be seeing some chipmunk porn sometime in the near future.

75. Today’s Special: Head.

And she’s in a styrofoam tray covered in plastic wrap. Just like meat at the grocery store.

76. Seems like her lower body isn’t attached to the rest of her.

Yet, she seems to awe at that after the magician sawed her in half. Unfortunately, he couldn’t put her back together.

77. “Excuse me, you dirty whore, but that’s my boyfriend you’re fucking.”

The guy’s like, “Honey, you’re early. Nancy and I were just having a discussion on….adoptions.”

78. Sometimes you can type what you want from the screen.

And the cat’s just staring dumbfounded at the screen. Like it must’ve accidentally drank a milk dish with acid.

79. “Wanna share a cold one with me on the road?”

This guy’s getting so busted if police pull him over. Because drunk driving is dangerous and has killed people.

80. If you want to keep your kids safe on the internet.

My mistake. If you see your kid in night-vision goggles and a tinfoil hat, you best send your kid to a therapist. Otherwise, he might grow up into a full-blown conspiracy theorist like Alex Jones.

81. This guy really wants to see what’s in this laptop.

On the bright side, at least he can’t steal your online data. Only commit deliberate physical sabotage.

82. Behind a dumpster in an alley, an astronaut seeks a horse genie.

The genie grants the spaceman 3 wishes in exchange for a lifetime supply of hay and sugar cubes. Also it shits gold.

83. Someone’s in deep denial on their baldness.

Since he’s using a comb that he doesn’t need. Because he already shaves his head.

84. “All right, Eileen, let’s settle this with an umbrella fight on the roof.”

However, they’re attempting a showdown during a thunderstorm. Not the smartest thing to do, especially if lightning strikes one of them.

85. Here’s the new face of Wall Street Finance with an office at Suite 666.

Still, ladies, I’d stay away from that guy if I were you. Since his looks could kill while his demonic eyes show he’s up to no good.

86. “Jason, I didn’t know your dick was that huge!”

Please don’t tell me that guys look at each other’s dicks in the men’s room. Because I don’t know what to make of this photo.

87. You’d almost swear he takes after his father.

The resemblance is so uncanny. Maybe because they photoshopped the dad’s face to the son.

88. This takes getting canned to a whole new level.

Having to work in a trash can must really suck. But this guy’s taking it in stride.

89. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Malware.

Apparently, wizards can now use and repair computers. While Harry’s not hunting dark wizards, he’s working part-time as an IT guy at the Ministry of Magic.

90. When you have to return to work from a business summit at a nudist colony.

Yeah, that has to be embarrassing. And he only has a briefcase to cover his genitals. Too bad everyone else will see his butt.

91. “Come on, y’all! Let’s take the tennis court back from the jocks!”

With a tennis racket in one and an AR-15 in the other, Bridget leads the punk tennis revolution. It was a glorious moment for goths, punks, and emos everywhere.

92. At the office some men may deflate and lose their spines.

And here is a 100% accurate depiction of a Republican Congressman in Trump’s America. If you’re represented by one, it’s time to vote them out of office in November.

93. Ever have to be deep in thought against a toilet in the middle of the desert?

From Bored Panda: “This is the state of mind one enters at 3am after having crawled home from that awesome night out, spent the last half hour hugging the bowl, then suddenly you become the universe, the whole universe and everything in it.”

94. “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

Where’s Life Alert where you need it? Also, Grandma’s not coming to Christmas this year.

95. “Must sniff donut sugar..”

Seems like someone has a problem with white powder donuts. Someone better give her an intervention.

96. Old people enjoy their retirement with a gun over a rabbit that’s cared for life.

It’s only a matter of time until they get the gun back together and shoot the rabbit dead. So run, bunny, run! Or it’s kill the rabbit and rabbit stew.

97. The Lord taketh, the Lord poseth for selfie.

I can’t even list all the things wrong with this. Also, can I see a selfie of Jesus with his disciples at the Last Supper?

98. Now you can surf the net while riding the waves.

Still, I don’t think he’ll fare so well when he has to ride the big wave. But at least he’s sent his 3rd quarter expense reports.

99. “Just one more picture before we shut the trunk for our escape.”

Luckily for Marvin, his kidnappers were dumb enough to post a photo of a him in a trunk and brag about abducting him on social media. So police will find him and bring him home in no time.

100. When you’re baking cookies while trying to survive the fallout from the apocalypse.

Though the cookies might be a bit radioactive. But sometimes that’s a risk you must be willing to take in the bunker.

Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours on Christmas Memories (Fourth Edition)

15977229_10208289322370872_27357706694737702_n

These are my grandparents from last year. Since my grandfather died a few weeks after that, this year will be my first Christmas without him. Though at least he had the courtesy to not die during the holidays. Yet, that didn’t do me much good since he died the week of my birthday.

Indeed, since Christmas is about family, we all have precious memories about opening presents and spending time with the ones we love. Unless, you’re spending the holidays in French castle during the 12th century. In that case, your parents are Henry II and Eleanor of Acquitaine and let’s just say you’re better off taking a tip from their daughters and spending Christmas with the in-laws. Then again, medieval royal families can be massively dysfunctional. Still, every family has their ups and downs. And it’s no exception on Christmas since there are moments that don’t go the way we plan. But sometimes these terrible times can result into hilarious photos we’ll all laugh at in hindsight. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of awkward moments from Christmas past.

  1. Seems like someone’s Christmas has gotten quite a bit grouchy.

Actually this family took a weird looking tree and turned it into an Oscar the Grouch Christmas tree. Yes, it’s a rather trashy yuletide touch.

2. There are some people who don’t care for surprises.

You can see that someone doesn’t like using wrapping paper on presents. But seems obligated anyway.

3. For unto us a kitten is born.

I’m sorry but using your cats in your nativity themed Christmas card will only result in fits of laughter. This is especially if a cat plays baby Jesus and an angel.

4. Apparently, cat crazies aren’t just limited to one gender.

This guy has 3 cats and a bunny rabbit. And he even sports a mullet. I’m sure there’s a reason why he hadn’t snatched a crazy cat lady by now.

5. Evidently, milk and cookies just won’t do for Santa this time around.

And here’s a young girl pouring some Stella Artois along with some nachos and salsa. Not sure if it does Santa any favors.

6. Sometimes you have to bare all to be the reindeer.

As this chubby baby has done for a Christmas card. Then the parents just add antlers.

7. It’s always the smallest among us who sense the danger.

Yes, that Santa Claus has the face of a serial killer. But only the youngest knows he’s out for blood. Run for your lives, kids!

8. This Christmas, everyone’s got the face of a dog.

Because the dog’s picture is photoshopped on the family members. And they’re all on a dolphin in a waterfall background. Seems like Cousin Phil has been on the brown acid again.

9. A tea party with your stuffed animals is precious, if you’re a child.

If you’re an adult, it just makes you look pretty pathetic. This is especially if you use such an image for your Christmas card.

10. You should always remember to keep a close eye on your children.

I’m sure photoshop had something to do with this picture. Because no parent in hell would let their kids climb up a roof, especially at their age.

11. I’m sure these kids will definitely be on Santa’s naughty list this year.

Yes, these kids have gone down a very bad road. Still, you have to wonder whether someone called child services on their parents.

12. There’s always someone who’ll receive a better present than you.

Little baby gets plush Dalmatian to snuggle. Big sister gets socks which she hates.

13. I don’t think that’s Santa Claus.

1743575839

I mean you can easily see the guy’s beard underneath. Guaranteed to ruin any kid’s childhood.

14. Christmas is always a time for joy.

Unfortunately, this little girl just doesn’t have it for the Christmas card. Yes, I know the holidays can be really stressful.

15. Since Laura wasn’t in our family portrait, we decided to make due.

So they stuck a photo of her face and drew in her body. I know it doesn’t really cut it.

16. “C’mon, kids, let’s look at the camera. Oh, forget it.”

Yeah, none of the little kids seem willing to cooperate. Note the kid in the front secretly envies them.

17. “Stop, in the name of the law, Santa!”

Talk about a picture that would trauamatize a child for life. Still, this is pretty hilarious even if it’s kind of inappropriate.

18. Apparently, someone didn’t think posing with Santa in pajamas was a great idea.

Timmy had a very bad feeling about this. Now he just wants to go home.

19. Sometimes there’s always someone who’s just had enough.

Yes, that little one just needs to let it all out. But the family doesn’t seem to mind one bit.

20. “All right, kids, smile for the camera.”

Evidently, these children are incredibly cranky. Seems like, “please don’t make us sit for another stupid picture.”

21. You’re never too young to be embarrassed by your parents.

The little baby isn’t having it. Still, the mom’s got huge glasses that make her resemble a cartoon character.

22. When you can’t use a Christmas tree, you can always improvise.

Though wrapping your dad in streamers and bows hardly compensates. Wonder when he’ll get lose.

23. “Hope you’re not wearing that shirt to Grandma’s, Jerry.”

Yeah, you don’t want to wear a stoner shirt to any family gatherings. Still, it’s pretty hilarious.

24. When wearing an ugly sweater, always make sure it’s appropriate for your audience.

I’m sorry, but 3 reindeer humping each other is not PG. Seriously, he just go change like now.

25. Seems like the men forgot to wear pants.

Not sure which is worse. Is it the dad in boxers or the son in long johns? Can’t decide.

26. Christmas should always be a time of good cheer.

But for parents it’s a time of stress and messes galore. Yes, these two are incredibly tired and want to relax.

27. “Here, Travis, hold the baby for awhile, will you?”

The boy’s basically like, “Oh, please, don’t make me hold the crying baby! I’ll be good.”

28. Just don’t mind the angry woman in the window.

Not sure leaving the kids with Santa is a good idea. Not when there’s a scary lady outside.

29. Sometimes Christmas is not a great time of year to be single.

Yes, she has socks and shoes on her hands. And yes, it’s pretty lame.

30. Remember to place the baby facing the camera during the photoshoot.

Still, I think the kid just fell into the rug. Almost resembles a stunt you see in cartoons.

31. “Shitter’s full.”

I think the guy works in sewage. So it’s rather spot on with the Cousin Eddie get up.

32. “Here, Zack, hold your little brother for the camera.”

Yeah, nobody wants to hold a crying baby. This boy seems especially nervous.

33. “Say your prayers, Mom and Dad.”

These kiddies so aren’t getting presents for Santa. I mean they’ve taken their parents hostages for God’s sake.

34. How do you like Dad’s new suit?

Here he’s all proud of himself in his suit of Christmas lights. A tacky showcase as I ever did see.

35. “Sorry that their dad’s not in the picture, but I used a cutout of the celebrity he most resembles.”

Yes, that’s a cut out of Eddie Murphy. I suppose this picture was taken when he was still relevant.

36. Children always show signs of demon possession at a young age.

Sure he may be harmless now. But soon the babysitters will start to disappear or die in dramatic ways. You’ve been warned.

37. Hope these kids have excellent balance.

This should always bee in the Don’t Try This at Home category. Unless you use photoshop, of course.

38. When kids go punk, they don’t go back.

Yes, teenagers really dressed like that back in the day. But his parents accept him anyway. Or at least have gotten used to it.

39. Here we have Santa with his elves, or a bunch of people dressed as Peter Pan.

Sure dressing as Santa’s elves might seem like a good idea. But when you have cone hats, Peter Pan shirts, and candy canes, it’s time to reconsider.

40. It’s normal for kids to want to imitate their parents.

Just because the parents might kiss, doesn’t mean the kids have to follow. But here you are.

41. Parents always want siblings to pose together.

The girl’s like, “Why do you want me to be the Christmas tree?” Boy’s like, “At last, sweet revenge.”

42. Sometimes children don’t want anything to do with the Christmas card photo.

And it seems the younger kids don’t want to be good boys and smile. The youngest isn’t even looking at the camera.

43. Apparently, Imperial Stormtroopers send Christmas cards to their families.

Odd, since I didn’t know Stormtroopers had dogs either. Still, I’m sure this guy can find anyone at a Star Wars convention if he wanted to.

44. Bridget wishes everyone happy holidays.

And yes, it’s just Bridget drinking her sorrows away. Someone has to find a guy for her.

45. I guess these 3 usually don’t speak to each other during the holidays.

Bet the holidays isn’t fun around this bunch. Save for the dog who can at least get love somewhere.

46. Sometimes a Santa’s work is never done.

Seems like this Santa’s just waiting for the family to sort things out or leave. Because he has a lot of kids to see.

47. Now let’s play spot the stepchild.

“Yes, it’s the one sitting on a stool while the dad plays with the other kids. I’m sure being the stepkid isn’t fun on Christmas.

48. Christmas is always a time of family togetherness.

And yes, the family just can’t get their shit together for a photo op. Even the dogs are at each other’s throats.

49. There’s something shifty about this Santa.

This Santa’s like, “Hurry up and tell me what you want for Christmas, kid, so I can rob a bank. They don’t stay open forever, you know.”

50. When the kid’s not the problem for a family photo, it can sometimes be the dog.

And here’s Scruffy humping Mom’s leg. Always have to do it at the worst time.

51. Christmas is the time when we celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace.

No, not that prince. Since that’s Prince. But the tree surely looks a lot like “Purple Rain.”

52. Some people have simple tastes when it comes to Secret Santa.

For Scott, he just wants anything that costs $20. Preferably a gift card.

53. Sometimes Santa can’t stand the whiny brats on his lap.

Santa’s like, “Please take your screaming brat and make sure I never have to see her again. I need a freaking drink.”

54. Couples pictures should always be about love and tenderness.

Unfortunately, Rover had to relieve himself. Therefore, ruining the family Christmas card.

55. Sometimes expressing disdain takes the most subtle form.

And here is one of the girls giving a finger to the photographer. Yes, tell the camera person what you really think of them.

56. When you can’t find your Christmas stocking and it’s Christmas Eve.

Yes, Allison’s stocking is just a plain old sock from her drawer. Kind of sad if you think about it.

57. Merry Christmas from Hawaii.

And you wouldn’t know it until you see the grandmother dressed like a tacky tourist. Got to love these old timey photos.

58. No, Santa, please don’t touch him there.

Yes, this is pretty disturbing. I’m sure Santa didn’t mean anything. Because it would be horrifying if he did.

59. The girls decided to get matching outfits this year.

Yes, this straight out of the 1980s. And yes, two of them consist of polka dots.

60. This year’s Christmas theme is in the kitchen.

I’m not sure why families do stunts like this. But there you go. Must be a tradition.

61. Don’t look now but little Bobby has something up his nose.

Let’s hope it’s just his nose running. But it more likely seems like he stuck something up there.

62. Apparently, everyone had to bring their best gift bow.

Well, at least they didn’t dress up in boxes. But still, this is pretty weird.

63. No, Dad, this isn’t the time for a beer.

Yes, he’s drinking at the slide. Really setting a good example to the kids. Not.

64. Perhaps it’s not best to change the baby when the grandparents pose for a photo.

Apparently, this baby has no respect for his elders. Seems like we have a budding mooner in our midst.

65. Don’t forget to wear your blue sweatshirts for the snow.

Whole family must be freezing since they’re not wearing freaking coats. Still, lovely scenery.

66. “Have yourself a merry little Christmas.”

Evidently, these children don’t strike me as merry or joyous. In fact, quite the contrary.

67. Guess this boy’s been very naughty this year.

Actually, he doesn’t strike me much as a brat. More likely, his family’s just really into the Krampus.

68. Seems like we got some cattle rustlers there.

And all the kiddies have guns with them. Don’t like where this is going.

69. Everyone seems to have wondrous news save for Emily.

To tell the truth, I think a lot of us are Emily. Poor thing.

70. No. that isn’t how you fold napkins on a Christmas table.

Yes, they look exactly what you think they do. You’d almost think this was for a party at the Playboy mansion.

Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours on Christmas Memories (Third Edition)

401015_2614193588913_1159906264_n

Here is me and my relatives at my Aunt Mary’s on Christmas Eve around 2011, I think. Here am I on the couch with my cousins Frank and John along with their parents. The kids in front are my cousins Jenna, Aiden, Isabella, Morgan, and Sawyer.

Yes, we all have photos from Christmas since they seem to contain memories we want to last forever. This is especially when families have children since they don’t stay kids for long. Yet, as I’ve shown before in these posts, not every Christmas goes according to plan. After all, the days leading up to it can be uniquely stressful since there’s decorating, finding gifts, making the food, doing cards, and what not.Some families might take a step further and do a family portrait for their Christmas card. And there are moments when that can go horribly wrong. Yet, there are plenty of crazy family Christmas cards which people do on purpose. Not to mention, families can also take their kids to see Santa which doesn’t always turn out that well, especially if the Santa in question is quite sketchy. At any rate, for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of Christmas memories from Awkward Family Photos. Sure you might not find these in a Hallmark stock photo deck but I’m sure they’ll make you relate.

  1. Christmas is a time of high spirits and good cheer.
Apparently, this isn't the case with the sisters. But the brother seems happy. Though you can argue he's just showing off.

Apparently, this isn’t the case with the sisters. But the brother seems happy. Though you can argue he’s just showing off.

2. Christmas is always a time for families to get together and celebrate.

Of course, for many families, this very much reflects the holiday reality. Yeah, those kids can be a real source of stress.

Of course, for many families, this very much reflects the holiday reality. Yeah, those kids can be a real source of stress.

3. Over the holidays, sibling rivalry can sometimes spiral out of control.

As you can see, the brother puts a bowl over the baby and the baby doesn't like it. If you think kids were brats today, this proves you wrong.

As you can see, the brother puts a bowl over the baby and the baby doesn’t like it. If you think kids were brats today, this proves you wrong.

4. Ugly Christmas sweaters are always fun and festive for all ages.

I guess this kid doesn't believe in Santa Claus anymore. Hope he doesn't try to disillusion the classmates who do.

I guess this kid doesn’t believe in Santa Claus anymore. Hope he doesn’t try to disillusion the classmates who do.

5. Being single can be tough over the holidays, especially if your married siblings send a Christmas card with their picture on it.

This woman did some Christmas cards of herself for years as a single woman. They often feature alcoholic drinks. This one depicts a mannequin boyfriend.

This woman did some Christmas cards of herself for years as a single woman. They often feature alcoholic drinks. This one depicts a mannequin boyfriend.

6. Seems like they had a special day to bring pets to the mall.

Okay, bringing your dog for a Santa photoshoot is one thing. Reptiles? I'm not so sure.

Okay, bringing your dog for a Santa photoshoot is one thing. Reptiles? I’m not so sure.

7. The moment you realize that your parents forgot to buy Christmas cards this year.

Yeah, reusing Christmas cards may not be the best idea. This is especially when there's some stuff crossed out.

Yeah, reusing Christmas cards may not be the best idea. This is especially when there’s some stuff crossed out.

8. There’s no more memorable Christmas carol like, “Hark! This Herald Angel Ain’t Gonna Sing.”

Hey, even little angels can have the occasional bad attitude sometimes. They can't all be angelic all the time.

Hey, even little angels can have the occasional bad attitude sometimes. They can’t all be angelic all the time.

9. The moment you realize the family Christmas card photoshoot is taking longer than your capacity to smile.

"Do we have to take it again? Oh, brother, when will this ever end?" I'm sure we've all been there.

“Do we have to take it again? Oh, brother, when will this ever end?” I’m sure we’ve all been there.

10. The war of sisterly rivalry can sometimes begin when you least expect it.

At least my parents can relax because Molly and I were never like that when we were young. Still, you have to admire the parents though.

At least my parents can relax because Molly and I were never like that when we were young. Still, you have to admire the parents though.

11. These kids don’t seem to look forward to Santa’s Annual Challenge.

While the two middle kids cry, the oldest brother covers his ears to drown out the sound. The baby just sits there having no idea what's going on and pondering the meaning of life.

While the two middle kids cry, the oldest brother covers his ears to drown out the sound. The baby just sits there having no idea what’s going on and pondering the meaning of life.

12. No, I don’t think that’s the right way to hold a baby.

Yeah, the father's hand placement really doesn't look good here. And the baby is not amused by it at all.

Yeah, the father’s hand placement really doesn’t look good here. And the baby is not amused by it at all.

13. Spending the holidays alone can be a real bummer.

This is especially when you're spending it alone in the woods drinking. Girl's got problems.

This is especially when you’re spending it alone in the woods drinking. Girl’s got problems.

14. “How about we all help Daddy shave?”

Now this is freaky photoshop. Yes, they had these in the 1950s, too. Don't ask me.

Now this is freaky photoshop. Yes, they had these in the 1950s, too. Don’t ask me.

15. Sometimes it’s the most unexpected gift which you treasure the most.

And this dad holds his new toilet plunger with pride. Not many men would do the same.

And this dad holds his new toilet plunger with pride. Not many men would do the same.

16. Grandma and Grandpa give you best wishes for Christmas and announce that they’ve decided to give themselves a gift to invest in the future.

I know my grandparents have put some money into their own funerals. But they wouldn't show it on a family Christmas card. This is just insane and disturbing.

I know my grandparents have put some money into their own funerals. But they wouldn’t show it on a family Christmas card. This is just insane and disturbing.

17. Sibling rivalry: they always start so young.

Yes, baby sisters aren't always so sweet as you'd think they'd be. This baby pulls her sister's own hair.

Yes, baby sisters aren’t always so sweet as you’d think they’d be. This baby pulls her sister’s own hair.

18. Christmas always brings tidings of comfort and joy.

Apparently, this doesn't apply to these sisters. This is particularly the case with the youngest being knocked on the floor.

Apparently, this doesn’t apply to these sisters. This is particularly the case with the youngest being knocked on the floor.

19. Sometimes accidents could happen at the most inappropriate moment.

Well, at least the baby is safe. But the older sister might not like being in the middle of it. Yeah, family togetherness has its ups and downs.

Well, at least the baby is safe. But the older sister might not like being in the middle of it. Yeah, family togetherness has its ups and downs.

20. When you’re on call during Christmas, you can get the most interesting patients.

This was on a board in a hospital. Dr. Mest will have a lot of interesting stories to tell come January.

This was on a board in a hospital. Dr. Mest will have a lot of interesting stories to tell come January.

21. In the olden days, it was common for families having to settle for the only Christmas tree available.

This one is known as a Giant Charlie Brown Tree. Yet, unlike what to cartoon shows us, decorating it doesn't enhance its beauty.

This one is known as a Giant Charlie Brown Tree. Yet, unlike what to cartoon shows us, decorating it doesn’t enhance its beauty.

22. There’s nothing more devastating on Christmas than a burning gingerbread house.

Yeah, that's not a good sight to see during the holidays. Hope this little girl doesn't get too traumatized.

Yeah, that’s not a good sight to see during the holidays. Hope this little girl doesn’t get too traumatized.

23. “This Christmas we decided to chop down a shrub to save money.”

Hey, not all evergreen trees can be triangle shaped. Still, this looks pretty ghastly if you ask me.

Hey, not all evergreen trees can be triangle shaped. Still, this looks pretty ghastly if you ask me.

24. It’s not every day a rock band visits Santa Claus.

Apparently, Santa wasn't amused by this group and having to take a photo with them. Yet, Santa would rather be photographed with a real band like Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd.

Apparently, Santa wasn’t amused by this group and having to take a photo with them. Yet, Santa would rather be photographed with a real band like Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd.

25. Even when they’re young, sibling unrest can be rampant.

Now Bobby learns the hard way that you can't boss your little sis for long. Or she might try to retaliate with a vengeance.

Now Bobby learns the hard way that you can’t boss your little sis for long. Or she might try to retaliate with a vengeance.

26. Seasons Greetings from the Village of the Damned.

I don't think the dog has much long to live. Those girls have plans. Very sinister plans.

I don’t think the dog has much long to live. Those girls have plans. Very sinister plans.

27. While selfies can be seen as enhancing one’s ego, sometimes they can be incredibly helpful.

For instance, while this holiday sweater may seem initially decent, it helps to take a closer look. Definitely not wearing that to Grandma's house.

For instance, while this holiday sweater may seem initially decent, it helps to take a closer look. Definitely not wearing that to Grandma’s house.

28. Santa has some visitors from the South Pole.

To be fair, this is from a family who has a tradition like this. Like how they have bowties on their tuxedos.

To be fair, this is from a family who has a tradition like this. Like how they have bowties on their tuxedos.

29. The moment when you and your girlfriend broke up but she still appears on your family Christmas card.

I'm sure holiday season breakups happen all the time. Still, I think it's funny they put a sticker on the woman's face.

I’m sure holiday season breakups happen all the time. Still, I think it’s funny they put a sticker on the woman’s face.

30. We need to understand that not every kid looks forward to see Santa.

Yeah, this kids don't like sitting on Santa's lap. Meanwhile the girls beside him just smile for the camera.

Yeah, this kids don’t like sitting on Santa’s lap. Meanwhile the girls beside him just smile for the camera.

31. Rachel always preferred a wooden man with a mean bite.

Well, this is awkward. Hey, I know there are plenty of girls who like the Nutcracker. But this is ridiculous.

Well, this is awkward. Hey, I know there are plenty of girls who like the Nutcracker. But this is ridiculous.

32. Before you give gifts, always make sure they’re age appropriate first.

Because I know you don't get a pot leaf poster for anyone under 18. But I think this is supposed to be a joke.

Because I know you don’t get a pot leaf poster for anyone under 18. But I think this is supposed to be a joke.

33. Is it just me, or does Santa not seem like his jolly old self lately?

Unfortunately, little Jimmy got stuck with the evil Santa at the mall. He hasn't been seen since.

Unfortunately, little Jimmy got stuck with the evil Santa at the mall. He hasn’t been seen since.

34. Christmas is always a time of precious moments.

Yet, in this case, I don't think little Brittany is holding her brother like that because she loves him. Quite the contrary.

Yet, in this case, I don’t think little Brittany is holding her brother like that because she loves him. Quite the contrary. Her parents might want to get her some psychiatric testing.

35. There’s always that one angel.

The blond girl is like, "Perfect little angel? My ass." Yeah, really not in the angelic spirit.

The blond girl is like, “Perfect little angel? My ass.” Yeah, really not in the angelic spirit.

36. “We just had some problems with the Christmas wrapping.”

Grown people dressed as elves for Santa. Not sure what to think about that. Might be less lame if they dressed as elves from Lord of the Rings.

Grown people dressed as elves for Santa. Not sure what to think about that. Might be less lame if they dressed as elves from Lord of the Rings.

37. Okay, baby, tell us how you really feel about family Christmas card photoshoots.

I guess baby Gabriel couldn't keep it to himself. Yes, I know photoshoots are a real pain in the ass.

I guess baby Gabriel couldn’t keep it to himself. Yes, I know photoshoots are a real pain in the ass.

38. “Another blue dress shirt? Well, this sucks.”

Even funnier that this boy is already wearing a shirt like this one. Guess his aunt didn't get the memo.

Even funnier that this boy is already wearing a shirt like this one. Guess his aunt didn’t get the memo.

39. Seems like Santa doesn’t need a chimney to get in this house.

Because he's apparently popped out of the attic. Okay, those are just decorations.

Because he’s apparently popped out of the attic. Okay, those are just decorations.

40. No, Grandpa, now’s not the time to give Grandma your dick in a box.

I know this is a joke that's a takeoff from an SNL sketch. And I know I'm pushing the envelope with this one. But I couldn't avoid including it if I tried.

I know this is a joke that’s a takeoff from an SNL sketch. And I know I’m pushing the envelope with this one. But I couldn’t avoid including it if I tried.

41. Sometimes even Santa has moments when he questions his sanity.

In this one, Santa wonders whether he's had too much eggnog. Or too many of Mrs. Claus's special brownies.

In this one, Santa wonders whether he’s had too much eggnog. Or too many of Mrs. Claus’s special brownies.

42. Christmas is a time to feel the joy.

Unfortunately, this baby ain't feeling it. Yeah, babies can be quite temperamental in these photos.

Unfortunately, this baby ain’t feeling it. Yeah, babies can be quite temperamental in these photos.

43. This year, Santa went to Whoville.

And once again, he has some interesting stories to tell about that place. Yes, this is pretty ridiculous.

And once again, he has some interesting stories to tell about that place. Yes, this is pretty ridiculous.

44. For unto us a child is born.

However, nativity scene photo reenactments can only go so far. Having your baby play baby Jesus? Fine and perfectly normal. Having your cat play baby Jesus? What the fuck?

However, nativity scene photo reenactments can only go so far. Having your baby play baby Jesus? Fine and perfectly normal. Having your cat play baby Jesus? What the fuck?

45. What better way to spend Christmas than for a drink among friends?

Don't get me wrong, they're all the same woman. Yes, doesn't seem to be in a jolly mood.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re all the same woman. Yes, doesn’t seem to be in a jolly mood.

46. Apparently, the heads seem to pop out of the stocking.

This Christmas card was made possible by photoshop and acid. Yes, they had LSD in the 1950s, too. Just ask Cary Grant who promoted it.

This Christmas card was made possible by photoshop and acid. Yes, they had LSD in the 1950s, too. Just ask Cary Grant who promoted it.

47. “Uh, excuse me, Santa, but I have to go to the bathroom.”

"Timmy, that's no way how to touch yourself in public." Then again, he doesn't seem to be comfortable at all.

“Timmy, that’s no way how to touch yourself in public.” Then again, he doesn’t seem to be comfortable at all.

48. The family that sleeps together, stays together.

Now this is awkward. Let's hope this one is just reserved for the kids, please.

Now this is awkward. Let’s hope this one is just reserved for the kids, please.

49. Before you celebrate the holidays, be sure you get the sweater memo.

Yes, this family has the same sweater on for Christmas. But at least they have different colors according to gender.

Yes, this family has the same sweater on for Christmas. But at least they have different colors according to gender.

50. Finally, Suzie has the dress for her pet monkey.

For the record, don't keep monkeys as pets. Yes, I know they may be cute but they can inflict serious injury. Besides, they're wild animals not meant for you dress like a doll.

For the record, don’t keep monkeys as pets. Yes, I know they may be cute but they can inflict serious injury. Besides, they’re wild animals not meant for you dress like a doll.

51. Looks like one elf has gone postal.

Relax, these are kids just acting up. Well, at least the younger one is. The older one is trying to restrain.

Relax, these are kids just acting up. Well, at least the younger one is. The older one is trying to restrain.

52. Christmas is always a time to be merry and bright.

Unfortunately, the dogs don't seem to be jolly. In fact, they seem to be at each other's throats.

Unfortunately, the dogs don’t seem to be jolly. In fact, they seem to be at each other’s throats.

53. When arranging your Christmas towels, make sure they don’t spell anything unfortunate. This is especially if your name is Peterson.