Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles with These Birthday Party Cakes (Fifth Edition)

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Since my 29th birthday is on January 13, it’s only natural that I do another edition of messed up birthday cakes from Cake Wrecks. When we make a cake in our homes for our loved ones, we usually expect that mistakes will be made since we’re not anticipated a masterpiece. But when we purchase a cake from a store or bakery, we expect that it will look as perfect as the picture in the book. Yet, since we have a website like Cake Wrecks, we should know full well that this isn’t the case. Sometimes the decorators may not know how to take directions. Sometimes they’re not great artists that the cake looks creepy or disgusting. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of screwed up birthday cakes. Enjoy. By the way, some of these may not be safe for work.

  1. I think they meant a 2 in blue.
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This one has piping in red while it says “too No in Blue.” But at least it has 2 candles.

2. When you need a cake to cover 3 occasions for your dad.

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Guess this was made for a dad who just got out of prison. Though it also works as a 50 Shades of Grey theme.

3. “Nobody Likes You When You’re 23.”

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That’s not a great message to put on cake. This is especially the case with the smiley face containing x’s.

4. Perhaps you might want to rethink the hotdog cake.

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Yeah, that hotdog doesn’t look right. Not to mention, the drizzle doesn’t resemble mustard.

5. Who doesn’t want a SpongeBob cake?

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That SpongeBob looks really disgusting, especially around the nose. Also, why does the cake have 6 candles.

6. Seems like Alexis will be very disappointed.

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Since Alexis wanted the letters in pink. While the decorator didn’t know how to follow directions.

7. I don’t think Bobby will get his Lone Ranger cake.

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The cake doesn’t even resemble a western scene. Also, “lone” is spelled “loan.”

8. Happy Birthday to Jenifer with “One N Only.”

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Well, at least they spell her name right. Though the “F” is capitalized.

9. Of course, every child likes a clown cake.

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Suddenly, Pennywise doesn’t seem too bad despite being an actual killer clown. Seriously, why do they cater clowns to children?

10. Speaking of Pennywise, this cake should make Stephen King fans rejoice.

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Well, if you want an IT themed party, you can’t go wrong with this. Since this cake can terrify the shit out of you.

11. Any little boy would enjoy an epic Avengers cake.

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Okay, if your son is into superheroes, you might want a cake that doesn’t include Thor’s hammer. In case Thor’s hammer resembles a dildo.

12. If you want to see Nightwing go against the Joker, you might like this cake.

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Actually you’d hate it. Since it basically consists of badly drawn figures playing basketball.

13. They only needed to put “Happy Birthday” on the cake.

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But someone just had to repeat the instructions. You have to wonder who decorates these things sometimes.

14. A Winnie the Pooh cake is always a wholesome choice.

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What the hell are Pooh, Tigger, and Eeyore are doing? Seriously, this can’t be good.

15. I don’t think Bobby will be pleased.

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Since it’s spelled out as “Booby.” Hope that doesn’t result in someone getting stuck with a bad nickname for life.

16. Someone wants sprinkles all over the monitor?

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Apparently, that’s what it says. Not sure why. Seems like someone doesn’t follow directions.

17. Perhaps you’d like to do nails on a cake.

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But the disembodied braceleted hands doesn’t seem to help matters. Since that’s kind of creepy.

18. Didn’t like the Minnie you put on the cake? Turn it into a bowtie.

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At least someone realized they made a mistake. Still, doesn’t seem to help matters as you can see.

19. So is this a cake for Buddy?

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Someone doesn’t seem so sure who this cake is for. Since there’s a question mark at the end.

20. Happy Birthday, Picks?

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Must be short for “Pickles” I guess. Still, doesn’t seem to go with the blue flowers.

21. You can just put the plaque right around the edges.

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Except it says, “Happy Birthday Plaque” like they expected it to be for anyone. And in pink icing, too.

22. Well, do you want it to say “Happy Birthday” or not?

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Apparently, some decorators pretty much put on what they hear on the phone. Wonder what was going on here.

23. For God’s sake, that’s not how you draw Mickey Mouse!

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Seriously, a blackface Mickey Mouse? Did the decorator have any idea of how extremely racist that is? Then again, Walt Disney didn’t see anything wrong with doing Song of the South.

24. Since when did Mickey have fangs?

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Excuse me, but that no way resembles Mickey Mouse. More like the Big Bad Wolf getting ditched by his prom date.

25. Apparently, you can’t use spell check on cake decorating.

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Yeah, the punctuation is horrible on this one. Also I’m not sure what that saying means. Hope Sue isn’t a grammar Nazi.

26. I don’t think that’s a great way to describe how someone’s aging.

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Also, that wine glass reminds me more of a misshapen toilet plunger. Seriously, how hard is it is to do wine glasses?

27. So it’s somebody’s buttday, isn’t it?

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Hope Sue isn’t too self-conscious. Because this is definitely something nobody wants on a cake, let alone a woman.

28. Hope you can blow the candles off this one, Oliver.

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Okay, “blow that” shouldn’t be on a cake. Because that could have a lot of a lot of negative and sexual connotations. Oh, it’s supposed to be “below.”

29. Perhaps you should go with a birthday message that doesn’t get censored.

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Also, that says “Jappy” instead of “Happy.” Not the kind of message you’d want to open with.

30. You should always remember your followers on their special day.

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It says, “Happy Birthday Stalker!” Makes me wonder what the relationship is between them.

31. Those who love the Smurfs would enjoy this cake.

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What the hell is wrong with his nose? Seriously, that’s messed up.

32. Hope you can appreciate a cake of your neighborhood Spiderman.

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Okay, that didn’t turn out well. Also, is that supposed to be a hand?

33. Any boy would love an Iron Man cake on his birthday.

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From Cake Wrecks: “Huh, I’ve never heard of Iron Man’s “exploding crotch” feature before. Must be an upgrade.”

34. You’d get excited over this monster truck cake.

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Yet, this truck seems to go on the shitty path. Seriously, the trail resembles a huge turd.

35. Don’t have Ninja Turtles? Perhaps a pencil box will do.

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Well, at least Craig’s getting a new pencil box for his birthday. Though I don’t think he’d want one.

36. I guess Delia is into rock music.

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From Cake Wrecks: “Clearly the baker just wanted to protect the identities of those poor musicians.” Seems reasonable.

37. Are you a boy who likes video games? This Mario cake is for you.

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Yet, I think the inscription shouldn’t have been handled by someone who transcribes like this. But at least they included an 8.

38. I sense a disturbance in the Force.

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Just because Disney now owns Star Wars. Doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to put Disney characters on a Star Wars cake. Because it isn’t.

39. Plenty of boys would love a Ninja Turtles cake.

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Guess that’s what they look like without their shells. Still, I don’t want to see that at all.

40. when it comes to baseball, please don’t include a bat.

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I know that’s supposed to be a baseball bat. But it looks more like a wooden lightsaber, a magic wand, or a dildo.

41. Hope Patrick doesn’t have a crappy birthday this year.

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Apparently, he doesn’t mind having smiling turds on his cake. Still, it’s kind of hilarious.

42. Don’t have Power Rangers for a cake? Use a T-shirt pic.

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This seems kind of cheap if you ask me. Seriously, you have to wonder about this.

43. Not sure what Derek’s friends think about him from this cake.

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Of course, we all know what a “douchebag” is. Then again, it just might be a term of endearment in this case.

44. A little princess must have a Barbie Princess Tiara cake.

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From Cake Wrecks: “All I see is a giant cat’s paw. Does Barbie have a cat? Is this somehow related? Am I over-thinking this? Where are you all going?”

45. Is that supposed to be a dragon head?

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Actually I’m not really sure what this is supposed to be. A frog? A fish? An alien?

46. If you have a winter birthday, you might want a cake of a snowy landscape.

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Looks more like a tree monster. And right now it’s hungry.

47. Well, at least that would be good news for anyone with celiac disease.

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Though would you want that written on a cake? Probably not.

48. Sometimes a request doesn’t really pan out.

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I think the family wanted musical notes drawn at the cake. Unfortunately, one decorator didn’t get the memo.

49. Apparently, Case doesn’t have a preference.

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Yet, the bakery could use someone who doesn’t write down everything the customer says. Kind of detracts from the aesthetic.

50. What the hell happened to Scooby Doo?

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Seems like the dog is on drugs or has been through a horrible accident. Hasn’t been the same since.

51. Do you want to eat a snowman?

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This was for a 12-year-old. But it’s clear they’re not a snowman. Because snowmen don’t last that long. Except on Hoth.

52. Would you like the message on top?

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Note how it’s phrased like a question. Though they put the message on top anyway.

53. If you like Speedracer, this cake is for you.

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Apparently, the decorator isn’t familiar with the material. Still, the first part is, “Go Peed Race” which is hilarious.

54. When someone wants sprinkles, you’d better give them sprinkles.

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Yet, someone just wrote what the person ordered on the cake. And there are no sprinkles around it.

55. Seems like someone doesn’t feel fond of the birthday boy.

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I guess this one was for a joke. Yet, why did the words appear in yellow?

56. Apparently, 1971 was a great vintage.

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Yet, we should know that while aged wine may peak at some point, it reaches a point of decline. Though such is life.

57. So is it supposed to be Mom or Mother? Let’s go with both.

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It says “Momther” as if they couldn’t choose between the two. That’s not even a word. Or should we add it to the dictionary?

58. “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.” But maybe not like that.

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Okay, that’s pretty disgusting. Seriously, that’s a really long hairball.

59. They asked to have it in green.

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Instead, it’s written in red. But at least you can see a green balloon.

60. Someone must be a fan of NFL Monday night football.

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This one has a scantily clad woman riding a football. Not sure how that works, but I get the idea.

61. So is this for a 20th or 40th birthday?

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Because the cake has 40 on it. While the candles say 20. Not sure how that works.

62. Those are supposed to be balloons, by the way.

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Yet, looking at them, they seem like black and blue sperm. Not exactly what you’d want on a cake.

63. I’m sure a clown will put a smile on your face.

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Okay, that’s incredibly terrifying. Like something out of a nightmare or scary Asian theater.

64. They’re supposed to be brown balloons.

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Though they more likely resemble turds with tails. Yeah, kind of shitty isn’t it?

65. Well, a cat cake might be cute.

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Actually, I changed my mind. In fact, this cat is quite terrifying, even with the party hat.

66. It’s not every day you get booze on your 18th birthday.

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Yet, you wouldn’t get away with this in America. Since the drinking age in the US in 21.

67. When you turn 17, you shouldn’t forget to wear underwear.

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Though when you’re 17, you shouldn’t be reminded on it. Least of all on a birthday cake.

68. Any kid would enjoy a monkey cake.

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Okay, that monkey’s quite frightening. Not something for a 2-year-old’s party.

69.  Please use abbreviations for the months if you have to.

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Yet, some people just don’t know how to take directions. So you get a message like this.

70. Mind where the hooves dig in.

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Also, it seems the candles are coming from the horse’s ass. Also is that a pile of poo behind it?

71. Looks like the racer has gotten into an accident.

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Yet, the track looks quite messy for Motocross doesn’t it? Also I don’t think the racer will get out of the icing.

72. A Harry Potter cake will certainly bring out the magic.

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What the hell is up with his mouth? Seriously, that just looks really weird.

73. Well, Brian said he’s a Red Sox fan.

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Okay, the bat should go. Seriously, the phallic imagery is apparent.

74. Nothing makes a birthday cake like one with your face on it.

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I’d have to be an egomaniac to want that. Because this looks really strange if you ask me.

75. Sometimes less characters isn’t always better.

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I’m sure this is for a kid’s 13th birthday. But you’d think it was for a 13th, uh, something else.

76. Superman always flies faster than a speeding bullet.

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However, Superman looks more like he’s resting than flying through the sky to save people. Kind of lame if you think about it.

77. People always need support when they turn 40.

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Not sure if showing support means whipping out a bra. Then I get it’s supposed to be a joke.

78. Seems like Tinkerbell has really let herself go.

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God, her head is quite misshapen on this cake. While her wings are quite small.

79. Perhaps a dog cake will amuse you.

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Okay, that kind of frightens me. Seriously, the dog looks like it’s about to bite at somebody’s heels in cold blood.

80. If you like unicorns, you’ll love a cake like this.

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Though I’m not sure about the message. But at least they gave the unicorn a sweet pink mane.

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Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles with These Birthday Party Cakes (Fourth Edition)

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Next Saturday will be my 28th birthday. So like the few previous years, I usually commemorate the occasion with an assortment of crazy birthday cakes you’d find in a store thanks to Cake Wrecks. When you go to a bakery or store like Wal Mart or Giant Eagle, you usually expect the cakes they make to resemble what you’d see in a book they provide or what you’d specify. However, there are times when it’s not the case. Sometimes customers might see a cake with all kinds of mistakes or unintentional errors. But often they have to make the best of the situation. Since you don’t really want to waste a cake. So for your reading pleasure, I give you yet another assortment of birthday cakes gone wrong. Some of these might not be safe for work by the way. Enjoy.

  1. Perhaps you might want a Shrek cake for your birthday.

Okay, Shrek looks terrifying in this. Like he’d eat children and squeeze the jelly out of your eyes. No, he’s not like that in the movie.

2. Small children will always delight with a Barney cake.

Seems like Barney is giving himself a bikini wax. Nothing to see here, kids.

3. Anyone who enjoys Angry Birds will rave about these cakes.

Well, they hardly look angry and they barely look like birds. More like badly drawn Sesame Street characters.

4. There are plenty of kids who’d like a birthday cake of Sponge Bob Squarepants.

Well, it seems that Sponge Bob’s squarepants are now a speedo. And his legs are unusually long.

5. Elmo always makes a wonderful first birthday cake.

Sure he might be in a diaper. But, yes, his smiley face kind of freaks you out.

6. Sometimes when ordering a cake, it might be better not to specify the punctuation.

Since the word “comma” is written into the cake. Perhaps a grammatically correct cake isn’t all that’s cracked up to be.

7. They say many kids would want a cake of Dora the Explorer.

From Mommy Shorts: “Dora the ‘OMG! There are two giant walruses fighting over my hair!'” Though they don’t seem to have white tusks. But yes, the kind of resemble walruses.

8. Sometimes the instructions may get lost in translation.

No, I don’t think that person wanted a cake that said, “Giant 57.” More like a 57 in a giant font size.

9. Not sure if that person wanted a cake with ramen noodles on their mom’s cake, but there you go.

I think the cake decorator wasn’t supposed to hear “ramen noodles.” But it’s on the cake anyway.

10. Of course, children can’t resist a cake of Mickey Mouse.

Why did does Mickey have Princess Leia buns instead of his large circle ears. And why is he smiling like he’s about to stab me?

11. There are times when a nice birthday cake for a friend can go awry.

Yes, some “f” adjectives can be quite positive. But the word “fat” is usually not one of them. Though being “fit” and “fat” is possible.

12. They say youth comes to die at 40.

And his cake is of a tombstone with white and black roses. Well, you’re only young once I suppose.

13. When your baby’s turning 1, make sure the 1 candle isn’t in an inconvenient location.

Yeah, putting that candle between Winnie the Pooh’s legs make it seem like he’s having a wet dream. Still, isn’t he supposed to be a plush toy anyway? I mean Pooh’s not supposed to have any junk.

14. Uh, I think they just wanted the name “Al” under “Happy Birthday.”

You have people who might take instructions way too literally. You have to wonder why you even get cakes like these.

15. At every place, there is always someone who doesn’t take directions well.

This recipient ordered a cake with a green and yellow inscription. They got neither.

16. Happy Birthday, actually we want you to join a 12 step.

Not sure why they make cakes to get people into rehab. But I suppose it might work for some.

17. A kid named Nemo should naturally get a Finding Nemo birthday cake.

Still, Nemo and Dory don’t seem to be a lively pair on this one. Quite the contrary actually.

18. There are times when a cake can send the wrong message.

Was this a cake meant for Father’s Day for Gomez Addams? Or a birthday cake for Herman Munster? Cause this one seems quite grim.

19. Well, they said Stan enjoyed swimming.

Yet, this boy seems like he’s dead in the water. Think we might need a lifeguard in this case.

20. Happy Birthday Keith and Arianna and don’t worry about anything.

A cake with the saying “He trusts you!” doesn’t seem like a good sign for me. Just a thought.

21. There are some men who might want a fishing cake.

Though they wanted the name “Gary” in white. That didn’t happen.

22. “Happy Birthday, Sprinkles!”

Oh, they wanted sprinkles on the birthday cake. Still, at least they got that. Since it has plenty of sprinkles.

23. This person only wanted a 1 on this cake.

This is definitely for a boy’s first birthday as far as the color’s concerned. Yet, some decorator doesn’t know how to take directions.

24. Often an icing likeness doesn’t go over well.

And it seems like this icing girl doesn’t know how to smile. More confused at what’s going on. Like me looking at this cake.

25. A child would delight in a Scooby Doo cake.

Seems like Scooby Doo has a rather thick neck. Still, kind of freaks me out.

26. Apparently, Linda didn’t get what she wanted on her cake.

Looks like this cake didn’t get the cherry. But it did get the instruction which is barely a consolation.

27. A beach body cake should always have a bit of realism.

Though this is a bit too realistic. Seriously, I’m all for not shaving pubic hair. But that doesn’t mean it should be on a cake.

28. Sometimes people just want their cake to be simple.

Indeed this person, just wanted “Happy Birthday.” And they got in on the cake twice.

29. A monkey is always a wonderful motif for a baby’s first birthday.

Though the banana is unfortunately placed between the legs. Not really sending a family friendly connotation here.

30. A dresser cake is perfect for a young girl.

Though I think her name’s supposed to be “Bobbie.” I’m sure her birthday cake will lead to a lot of teasing in school.

31. A cake of a gorgeous woman would fulfill a man’s dreams.

Though there’s something phallic about this cake. I mean her boobs could be easily seen as balls for some reason.

32. You’re never too old to have a birthday cake with a Disney Princess.

Yet, strangely, Snow White doesn’t seem smiling in this one. Or smiling rather awkwardly.

33. Any Disney girl would love a crown cake for her birthday.

Well, it doesn’t seem to resemble a princess crown. More like a crown passed to a younger sister.

34. A 21st birthday is always seen as a rite of passage.

And this one has a Ken Doll puking into a toilet of sprinkles. Kind of disgusting if you think about it too hard.

35. “Happy Birthday Concentrated Debbie.”

Yeah, I have no idea what it means either. Also, what’s with all the cherries?

36. Someone must complain a lot.

I think it’s supposed to be “Whitney.” Still, this is kind of hilarious.

37. For some a birthday cake should have a festive spin.

Though this is a plain cake that says, “Happy Birthday and Fireworks.” Seems this isn’t what they wanted.

38. Apparently, someone has mixed feelings about their child.

Well, kids can seem like brats sometimes. Though this kid is probably turning 9 from what I can count of the candles. Then again, his name is probably Brad and he’s not an unpleasant child at all.

39. There are occasional cakes that can make flagrant accusations.

Let’s hope this is a misspelling of someone’s name. Because such accusation might put you on a sex offender list later.

40. Perhaps you might want a floral cake?

So who the hell names their kid Stick? Because this just seems kind of weird.

41. A rainbow cake should brighten anyone’s birthday.

I guess they wanted a birthday plaque. Not the word “Plaque.” Too bad they didn’t get what they wanted.

42. Best not mind the chocolate bits in the center.

This one says “Just Happy Birthday.” Still, the chocolate bits might be tasty. But they don’t do wonders on its appearance.

43. An 18th birthday cake should always have a unique design.

Though this cake seems more appropriate for a bachelorette party. Includes some silver decorations on the top.

44. Any young child would adore an Oscar the Grouch cake.

And here’s Oscar in his debut on The Walking Dead. And yes, he’s hungry for your brains.

45. Sometimes a birthday cake can be ordered on the stealth insult side.

Not sure if the “you whores” addition was intentional or not. But it’s kind of funny it’s on a cake with pink flowers.

46. Well, at least they included the clown hat.

Though they didn’t have to write it down on the cake. Just putting a clown hat on there would’ve been fine.

47. A first birthday cake should always have endearing characters.

However, these seem like they’re from some horror show. That figure seems like it’s coming apart.

48. There are some places where a tickling hand is appropriate.

But a birthday cake for a 30 year old man isn’t one of them. Also, it looks kind of creepy if you ask me.

49. Young boys always relish with Star Wars birthday cake.

Still, the message seems a bit odd. Sure he’s unlikely to become a Jedi. But does that mean you should have it on a cake?

50. Seems like they don’t know what to do with this birthday boy.

This could almost be a great birthday cake for Anthony Scaramucci. Since he only lasted in the Trump White House for 11 days.

51. A Harley Davidson cake should look badass.

Yet, the flames on this sheet cake seem rather pathetic. Doesn’t inspire any impressive feats.

52. Anyone with the Force would approve of a lightsaber cake.

Though the lightsaber seems rather erect. Like a Jedi has to show their rod.

53. There are those cake decorators who can’t make up their mind.

They think they should decorate a cake. But they’re not sure if it’s this one. And there’s the script.

54. Even adults couldn’t resist a unicorn.

Seems like this unicorn isn’t too happy. Also, doesn’t seem like it’s well drawn either.

55. A cake like this is only appropriate for an old tortoise.

Still, the turtle doesn’t seem lively on this one. Then again, neither is an average person turning 75.

56. You should always follow directions but not too literally.

These cakes say, “Happy Birthday on Both.” One has flowers. The other has a rainbow.

57. A birthday cake should always sparkle.

But a birthday cake that says, “Sparkle” doesn’t go so well. Though the flowers are pretty.

58. Always pipe the words on a cake after you spray paint it.

Because you can barely see “Happy Birthday” on here. Decorator should’ve waited a little while.

59. Apparently, Kelly is an Auburn fan.

Because it’s written on her cookie cake. Despite that the decorator didn’t really need to.

60. Everything should be in its proper place.

But that doesn’t mean they need a description in icing. Unless these inscriptions were for the decorator.

61. Perhaps a beach birthday cake may suit you.

Yet, this one has pumpkin decorations for some reason. Doesn’t seem to be right.

62. Happy Birthday to whoever’s covered in green.

Evidently someone put on the wrong name. So they blocked out in green. Now it’s a green blob.

63. A birthday cake should have a rather intricate design.

However, this seems to resemble a spiral with some yellow icing. Looks really disgusting.

64. When featuring a photo, always choose wisely.

Yeah, that isn’t a flattering picture. This is probably intentional. But if you’re a parent, would you want your kids to see you in a thong? No.

65. Even an adult could enjoy a cake of Chewbacca.

Thankfully, Chewie has aged better in the newer Star Wars movies than on this cake. Here he just resembles a giant Ewok from your nightmares.

66. A little girl will delight in this Minnie birthday cake.

Actually this is an android Minnie Mouse. She has no life in her. Nor any talents but smiling like a serial killer.

67. Back in the 2000s, young girls would die for a Hanna Montana cake.

Miley Cyrus today would’ve been embarrassed to see her likeness on this cake. Kind of makes her seem a bit cheeky.

68. A bunny cake for a kid’s birthday is always nice.

As long as it’s not the Playboy Bunny. But the parents of this 6-year-old didn’t get the memo. Seriously, Hugh Hefner was a creep and his magazine promoted the objectification of women.

69. Any boy would enjoy an Angry Birds birthday cake.

The contraptions are clearly made out of Kit Kat bars. Still, seems rather sloppy on the icing.

70. Not sure what would stink about a skunk cake.

Kind of says, “well, you’re rather cute but give a foul stench when you’re threatened.” Also, prone to get run over by a car.

71. Any Hawaiian girl would love a Hawaiian Barbie cake.

The grass skirt kind of resembles a broom. Perhaps this isn’t as good an idea as it’s cracked up to be.

72. Young children might enjoy a birthday cake of Bob the Builder.

Is that ground meat? Please don’t say it’s ground mea? Because that’s just plain unsanitary as disgusting.

73. A future free thrower craves for a basketball birthday cake.

The cake is a basketball court while the figures are baseball players. So this is basically a baseketball cake?

74. A Yoda cake, wise choice it is.

But family friendly, it is not. As Yoda show off his lightsaber upwards, he has.

75. Seems like someone getting money from decorating this cake.

Because they have the inscription, “Big tip if it’s there before 12.” Not something you’d want to see on a birthday cake.

76. Nothing brings smiles like a little horse cake.

More like a dead horse cake. Some little kid will be disappointed or traumatized on their birthday.

77. Any girl would want a cake with Belle and Cinderella.

Belle and Cinderella seem like they’re more likely to fit in a horror movie than Disney. Belle’s eyes are especially terrifying.

78. Nobody could hate a duck cake for a baby’s first birthday.

Okay, that duck seems like it’s going to kill someone. Don’t look it in the eye.

79. A clown cake is a smash at any kid’s birthday party.

Hey, I didn’t know they had a cake of Pennywise the Clown. I’m sure Stephen King’s It fans would love to see this.

80. I see this is a cake for Gandalf’s birthday party.

Well, he is incredibly old on Middle Earth. So it’s possible the wizard is 13,000 years old. And yes, they do celebrate birthdays there.

Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles with These Birthday Party Cakes (Third Edition)

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Next Friday will be my 27th birthday so I decide to commemorate the occasion with an assortment of weird looking cakes you’d find at the store, courtesy of Cake Wrecks. Sure I’ve done such post twice before during this time of year. Yet, there’s not a lot I can do for January though I can at least rejoice the fact that I can celebrate it while Obama is still president. Since the day that will infamy will only occur the Friday after of which I plan to dedicate the occasion by not watching my country being desecrated on national television. Anyway, bakeries and stores make a ton of money on birthday cakes since people have them all year round. And we usually expect that when we get a cake, it’d be decorated to our specifications. However, given that a site like Cake Wrecks exists, this isn’t always the case. Thus, it’s possible that people may celebrate birthdays featuring a cake that might not be up to snuff to what you ordered. But sometimes you have to make the best of the situation. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of professional birthday cakes gone wrong. These are provided by the courtesy of Cake Wrecks and many may not be safe for work.

  1. Man, what the hell’s going on with Cinderella?
"So you tell me you'd help me get to the ball? Then why the hell weren't you there for me when my dad died, you fairy god bitch?" I'm just improvising here.

“So you tell me you’d help me get to the ball? Then why the hell weren’t you there for me when my dad died, you fairy god bitch? You should’ve enchanted child services, for God’s sake.” I’m just improvising here.

2. Just a plain happy birthday with no frilly crap will do.

Well, it seems like the recipient got their wish. Though some decorator doesn't seem to follow directions.

Well, it seems like the recipient got their wish. Though some decorator doesn’t seem to follow directions.

3. Guess Ann wanted a Vincent Van Gogh birthday party theme.

But a cake of a severed ear? I think one of Van Gogh's paintings would've been more appropriate.

But a cake of a severed ear? I think one of Van Gogh’s paintings would’ve been more appropriate.

4. Though decorators can be great at taking directions, they don’t necessarily follow them.

This person requested some words in yellow and some in green. But not in the colors they are.

This person requested some words in yellow and some in green. But not in the colors they are.

5. That moment when you can’t decide to go with a forest or circus theme.

I don't know about you. But I'd stick with the forest theme. Because let's face it, clowns are creepy.

I don’t know about you. But I’d stick with the forest theme. Because let’s face it, clowns are creepy.

6. Seems like Tinkerbell isn’t too pleased at the moment.

Doesn't help that her hips are unusually thick in her proportion to her body. Maybe her crankiness makes perfect sense.

Doesn’t help that her hips are unusually thick in her proportion to her body. Maybe her crankiness makes perfect sense.

7. Why, Yoda, that’s a rather large uh, lightsaber you have there.

All too happy, Yoda seems. Suspect compensating for something, Yoda may. Want to know, I may not.

All too happy, Yoda seems. Suspect compensating for something, Yoda may. Want to know, I may not.

8. Apparently, turning 4o might make you think you’re being dragged to your grave.

Sorry, but while 40 may mean you're middle aged, it doesn't mean you're being dragged to your grave. Still, this is disturbing.

Sorry, but while 40 may mean you’re middle aged, it doesn’t mean you’re being dragged to your grave. Still, this is disturbing.

9. A Disney Princess cake is truly a little girl’s dream.

Though how these women are drawn is utterly atrocious. Seriously, Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White don't look like that.

Though how these women are drawn is utterly atrocious. Seriously, Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White don’t look like that.

10. A Big Bird cake can always delight a small child. Hope nothing goes wrong with that.

Now this looks very freaky. Here we have Big Bird's feet and wings along with a head that denotes he might've been on drugs before being dismembered.

Now this looks very freaky. Here we have Big Bird’s feet and wings along with a head that denotes he might’ve been on drugs before being dismembered.

11. Hope this kid enjoys his 6th birthday.

Just don't mind that whoever decorated this cake can't count. Because there are 8 candles which is more than there should be.

Just don’t mind that whoever decorated this cake can’t count. Because there are 8 candles which is more than there should be.

12. If you’re 40, get used to Viagra and adult diapers.

No, 40 isn't old for the love of God. Seriously, since when did 40 get associated with aging?

No, 40 isn’t old for the love of God. Seriously, since when did 40 get associated with aging?

13. I’m afraid Megan wanted a different kind of beach cake for her 14th birthday.

It's well stated that she wanted a blue anchor not flip flops. The decorator only wrote it down.

It’s well stated that she wanted a blue anchor not flip flops. The decorator only wrote it down.

14. Not sure if this cake gives you a hot heart of burning love.

For some reason Elvis looks like an angry vampire. Or like Wolverine. Not sure which.

For some reason Elvis looks like an angry vampire. Or like Wolverine. Not sure which.

15. Every little girl should have a cake of Darth Vader riding My Little Pony.

After all, who wouldn't want to rule the galaxy with an iron fist while riding on a pink horse over the rainbow? Still, this is hilarious.

After all, who wouldn’t want to rule the galaxy with an iron fist while riding on a pink horse over the rainbow? Still, this is hilarious.

16. Man, Karen must be really old.

As a history major, I don't think Karen was a popular name in the 1600s. Then again, this is probably a fluke and Karen is actually 40. Kind of disappointing because I would've loved to ask her to recollect her experience of being at Plymouth Rock.

As a history major, I don’t think Karen was a popular name in the 1600s. Then again, this is probably a fluke and Karen is actually 40. Kind of disappointing because I would’ve loved to ask her to recollect her experience of being at Plymouth Rock.

17. I don’t think the 5oth was supposed to go in the sky. But the flag might’ve been too small.

Yeah, someone didn't follow directions despite writing them on the cake. But by then it was too late.

Yeah, someone didn’t follow directions despite writing them on the cake. But by then it was too late.

18. Some child must really love Jurassic Park.

Okay, that T-Rex is giving me nightmares at the moment. Seriously, this is for a child? God, the cake looks like it's to eat somebody.

Okay, that T-Rex is giving me nightmares at the moment. Seriously, this is for a child? God, the cake looks like it’s to eat somebody.

19. Just happy birthday, is that supposed to be Anus?

Sometimes you can't always tell what's being said in cursive. But the last part sounds disgusting to me and is surely a typo.

Sometimes you can’t always tell what’s being said in cursive. But the last part sounds disgusting to me and is surely a typo.

20. A birthday cake with stars and balloons is always safe. Nothing can go wrong with that.

And remember, kids, only one of these sperm will fertilize the egg which results in conception. So that's how sex results in reproduction.

And remember, kids, only one of these sperm will fertilize the egg which results in conception. So that’s how sex results in reproduction.

21. Elmo is always perfect for a child’s first birthday.

Unfortunately, Elmo has come out of his slumber to haunt the world with his noxious desire for tickles and evil laughter. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Unfortunately, Elmo has come out of his slumber to haunt the world with his noxious desire for tickles and evil laughter. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

22. Uh, I don’t think it’s supposed to be Vivian’s butt day.

Wonder why nobody got to the bottom of this silent but deadly misspelling. Guess the decorator was being a real asshole.

Wonder why nobody got to the bottom of this silent but deadly misspelling. Guess the decorator was being a real asshole.

23. Nothing makes a great cake for a boy like a forest scene.

Jesus Christ, a forest fire cake? Of course, the buck is only waiting for the certain death that'll await him as he's consumed by the raging flames.

Jesus Christ, a forest fire cake? Of course, the buck is only waiting for the sweet release of certain death that’ll await him as he’s consumed by the raging flames.

24. If you’re a basketball fan, just remember that though a court cake might be cheap and simple, it’s usually not a good idea.

Not sure which part of the court the ball's in at the moment. But both sides seem to be quite firm about it.

Not sure which part of the court the ball’s in at the moment. But both sides seem to be quite firmly erect about it. Then again, this is a very inappropriate cake for a 10-year-old boy.

25. I’m sure whoever receives this Red Sox cake will be greatly disappointed.

I know that's supposed to be the Red Sox logo. But it's in disgusting snot green. Must've been done by a Yankees fan.

I know that’s supposed to be the Red Sox logo. But it’s in disgusting snot green. Must’ve been done by a Yankees fan.

26. There always has to be a resident smartass and bakeries are no exception.

Well, at least whoever decorated it is honest. Still, this would be a perfect cake for Sheldon Cooper.

Well, at least whoever decorated it is honest. Still, this would be a perfect cake for Sheldon Cooper.

27. I’m afraid Helen isn’t going to be happy about this.

Yeah, including Hell won't give you brownie points. The decorator must have something against the third or is not sure how to spell.

Yeah, including Hell won’t give you brownie points. The decorator must have something against the third or is not sure how to spell.

28. Happy Birthday but that doesn’t mean you’re special.

Yes, we already know we're not special. But one's birthday isn't a time to be reminded of that.

Yes, we already know we’re not special. But one’s birthday isn’t a time to be reminded of that.

29. Of course, any young girl would love a Little Mermaid cake.

I don't know about you. But Ariel's face really doesn't look right here. Not sure why though it's freaking me out.

I don’t know about you. But Ariel’s face really doesn’t look right here. Not sure why though it’s freaking me out.

30. Why so serious? Dominic is 4.

Okay, I'm not against having a Batman cake for a young boy. However, I don't think a Dark Knight Joker cake for a 4 year old is appropriate. I mean the movie is rated R.

Okay, I’m not against having a Batman cake for a young boy. However, I don’t think a Dark Knight Joker cake for a 4 year old is appropriate. I mean the movie is rated R.

31. Happy 40th Birthday Jess, I mean Jeff.

I put a cake on my birthday post last year with the same mistake. But it was the other way around. Still, since I have 2 uncle Jeffs, I could see this happen.

I put a cake on my birthday post last year with the same mistake. But it was the other way around. Still, since I have 2 uncle Jeffs, I could see this happen.

32. A Minnie cake is always a safe bet for a girl’s first birthday.

Minnie, are you okay? You don't look like yourself. Are you and Mickey having problems?

Minnie, are you okay? You don’t look like yourself. Are you and Mickey having problems?

33. Here’s all to the November birthdays from the ER.

Yeah, we all know what ER stands for. Nobody needs to explain it.

Yeah, we all know what ER stands for. Nobody needs to explain it.

34. Maybe having a 2nd quinciera at 30 was a bad idea.

Apparently, someone didn't know how to spell the word. So they just wrote how it sounded to them.

Apparently, someone didn’t know how to spell the word. So they just wrote how it sounded to them.

35. Okay, this birthday message is a bit morbid.

I think it's supposed to be Beth and Libby. But you can see where they went wrong with that.

I think it’s supposed to be Beth and Libby. But you can see where they went wrong with that.

36. For a baby’s party, a monkey cake is always delightful.

However, this monkey cake is downright freaky and nightmarish. Not something you'd want for a kid's birthday.

However, this monkey cake is downright freaky and nightmarish. Not something you’d want for a kid’s birthday.

37.A rainbow cake is always great for a young girl’s birthday. Hope nothing’s wrong with that.

Excuse me, but those blots of clown icing look like turds to me. It's like no matter where you go in the rainbow, you'll always find shit at both ends. Kind of a depressing message to say the least.

Excuse me, but those blots of clown icing look like turds to me. It’s like no matter where you go in the rainbow, you’ll always find shit at both ends. Kind of a depressing message to say the least.

38. When you have to order a cake for a person you don’t care fore.

Well, at least they're being honest. It's kind of hard to put it more politely sometimes.

Well, at least they’re being honest. It’s kind of hard to put it more politely sometimes. Hope it’s not for their boss.

39. Perhaps you can make 40 look bigger for more emphasis.

Not sure if Kim's going to like that. Still, it would've been acceptable if it weren't for the unfortunate addition.

Not sure if Kim’s going to like that. Still, it would’ve been acceptable if it weren’t for the unfortunate addition.

40. I’m afraid that someone put the writing when the cake was upside down.

Sure it would've looked great if it weren't for the peace signs being upside down. Not sure what that stands for exactly.

Sure it would’ve looked great if it weren’t for the peace signs being upside down. Not sure what that stands for exactly.

41. Please don’t cry, Tilly, it’s just a strange looking flower.

Though it does kind of resemble a flattened turtle with its insides coming out. Yes, it's gross.

Though it does kind of resemble a flattened turtle with its insides oozing out in all directions. Yes, it’s gross.

42. Uh, I think that’s what they wanted the cake to look like. Not the picture to put on it.

Someone doesn't seem to follow directions, do they? Still, some kid will be disappointed on his big day.

Someone doesn’t seem to follow directions, do they? Still, some kid will be disappointed on his big day.

43. There’s nothing more appropriate for an 11-year-old girl’s birthday than a broken shoe?

Then again, these cakes must be hard to make. But I'm positive it looks broken and very tacky.

Then again, these cakes must be hard to make. But I’m positive it looks broken and very tacky.

44. Now that’s an interesting gorilla cake for a 3-year-old.

I don't know about you, but from how the fruit's being held, I don't think this is an appropriate cake for children. I mean it seems to suggest something highly suggestive.

I don’t know about you, but from how the fruit’s being held, I don’t think this is an appropriate cake for children. I mean it seems to suggest something highly suggestive.

45. We wish you a happy birthday as we present you a cake allowing you to contemplate the inevitability of your own mortality.

Yes, we all die in the end. But that doesn't mean you should have a dug out grave and casket on a birthday cake. Seriously, why?

Yes, we all die in the end. But that doesn’t mean you should have a dug out grave and casket on a birthday cake. Seriously, why?

46. Nothing makes a Star Wars birthday worthwhile than a cake of Chewie’s head.

This is kind of demented if you think about it. Also, that doesn't really look like Chewbacca. More like some brown shaggy dog.

This is kind of demented if you think about it. Also, that doesn’t really look like Chewbacca. More like some brown shaggy dog with depression.

47. Nothing says you’re shit like a poop cake for your birthday.

Even more disgusting that it has flies in it. Yes, someone must have a very sick sense of humor.

Even more disgusting that it has flies in it. Yes, someone must have a very sick sense of humor.

48. When featuring a photo on a cake, make sure it’s flattering.

I'm not sure what the hell they were thinking when it came to depicting the birthday boy in a speedo. That's just embarrassing and insane.

I’m not sure what the hell they were thinking when it came to depicting the birthday boy in a speedo. That’s just embarrassing and insane.

49. As we all know, 60 is a time when women have to put their big girl panties on.

And by that, we mean Depends. You know the adult diapers for people with bladder control problems.

And by that, we mean Depends. You know the adult diapers for people with bladder control problems.

50. When it comes to age, some decorators don’t understand what numerical terms translate into.

This cake has a 1/4 of a century which means it should be for a 25-year-old. But the candles say 75.

This cake has a 1/4 of a century which means it should be for a 25-year-old. But the candles say 75.

51. For some reason, I’m not sure if this cake could even pass health codes before consumption.

So what are those black things on the cake? Fleas? Droppings? Please let them be sprinkles for God's sake.

So what are those black things on the cake? Fleas? Droppings? Please let them be sprinkles for God’s sake.

52. Just a cake with balloons and crap.

How about a cake with roses instead? Because that's just what they're getting.

How about a cake with roses instead? Because that’s just what they’re getting.

53. For some reason, this decorator doesn’t understand the laws of physics in relation to gymnastics.

Because such balance beam image seems to defy gravity. My guess is that it's upside down.

Because such balance beam image seems to defy gravity. My guess is that it’s upside down.

54. Now I don’t think any parent would object to this Dora the Explorer cake.

Okay, I was wrong. Uh, either Dora has a severe weight problem or she's 9 months pregnant. And I'm hoping she has a severe weight problem because I don't want to think about the latter.

Okay, I was wrong. Uh, either Dora has a severe weight problem or she’s 9 months pregnant. And I’m hoping she has a severe weight problem because I don’t want to think about the latter.

55. As we all know everything goes to crap after 40.

Interesting image for a depressing metaphor. Not sure if everything goes to crap after 40 as long as you take good care of yourself. Still, this is gross.

Interesting image for a depressing metaphor. Not sure if everything goes to crap after 40 as long as you take good care of yourself. Still, this is gross.

56. So I guess this is a cake you give to  a psychokiller.

Look, I understand that certain shows have their fans. But this cake is utterly disturbing, especially with a dismembered Barbie. Good God.

Look, I understand that certain shows have their fans. But this cake is utterly disturbing, especially with a dismembered Barbie. Good God.

57. Back when I was in high school, Hannah Montana was a real craze among preteen girls.

However, this cake doesn't get Miley Cyrus's proportions right. And the rest of her comes off very cartoonish.

However, this cake doesn’t get Miley Cyrus’s proportions right. And the rest of her comes off very cartoonish.

58. A baseball cake is always a great for a boy’s birthday.

Though looking at this cake, some may not have the balls to know admit that the bat sports a very stiff wood. Seriously, perhaps a baseball diamond might be more appropriate?

Though looking at this cake, some may not have the balls to know admit that the bat sports a very hard wood. Seriously, perhaps a baseball diamond might be more appropriate?

59. On second thought, Vicky’s birthday is a few months from now.

At any rate, don't expect Vicky to react to this well. She might be very upset.

At any rate, don’t expect Vicky to react to this well. She might be very upset.

60. Happy Birthday, Tina, here’s a cake of a run over raccoon.

Now this is disgusting. Seriously, a roadkill cake? Why the fuck would anyone want that for their birthday? What the fuck?

Now this is disgusting. Seriously, a roadkill cake? Why the fuck would anyone want that for their birthday? What the fuck?

61. A Cabbage Patch kid makes a great 1st birthday cake.

But a Cabbage Patch kid's head on a stump? Oh, God no!

But a Cabbage Patch kid’s head on a stump? Oh, God no!

62. Happy Birthday and I give my regards.

I guess someone didn't follow directions to the letter. Also, those babies on carrots are freaky.

I guess someone didn’t follow directions to the letter. Also, those babies on carrots are freaky.

63. Any woman would only dream to have a birthday cake of some weird celebrity.

Not sure who that's supposed to be. But I strongly think it's a joke.

Not sure who that’s supposed to be. But I strongly think it’s a joke.

64. Of course, teenagers don’t like being embarrassed by their parents.

Yeah, you don't want to remind a kid to wear underwear on their birthday cake. That's not the time and place for that.

Yeah, you don’t want to remind a kid to wear underwear on their birthday cake. That’s not the time and place for that.

65. You can always count on a butterfly cake to make things right on birthdays.

Though I'm not so sure about this one. Since it makes me feel kind of sad if you ask me.

Though I’m not so sure about this one. Since it makes me feel kind of sad if you ask me.

66. So how is this supposed to be a dolphin again?

Because to me it looks like a smiling turd in the water. Disgusting.

Because to me it looks like a smiling turd in the water. Disgusting.

67. I’m sure a dog cake will find a way to your heart.

For some reason, this dog doesn't look happy. Must be the pain of having candles stuck on its back.

For some reason, this dog doesn’t look happy. Must be the pain of having candles stuck on its back.

68. Is that supposed to be a dolphin? Because it sure as hell doesn’t look like it.

The fins don't even look right on this for God's sake. Seems more like a weird penguin creature from outer space.

The fins don’t even look right on this for God’s sake. Seems more like a weird penguin creature from outer space.

69. A 10 year old girl always enjoys a microphone cake if she has singing aspirations.

For the love of God, please let this be a microphone. Because this really seems to resemble a toy mommy and daddy use that the kids aren't supposed to see.

For the love of God, please let this be a microphone. Because this really seems to resemble a toy mommy and daddy use that the kids aren’t supposed to see.

70. Since Lisa likes to shop, it’s only fair she had a cake like this.

Still, this cake doesn't send great connotations to women as materialistic fiends. Because not every woman likes to shop (I don't).

Still, this cake doesn’t send great connotations to women as materialistic fiends. Because not every woman likes to shop (I don’t).

71. Happy Birthday, beautiful, according to your self-delusion.

Now that doesn't sound very nice. Sure we're self-deluded in our looks to some extent. But that doesn't mean we should put it on a birthday cake.

Now that doesn’t sound very nice. Sure we’re self-deluded in our looks to some extent. But that doesn’t mean we should put it on a birthday cake.

72. So is this for a birthday or a bachelorette party?

Yes, I know this is inappropriate. But given the unintentionally phallic shaped birthday cakes, I thought I could include this without much outcry. Still, this isn't a cake to have in front of the kids.

Yes, I know this is inappropriate. But given the unintentionally phallic shaped birthday cakes, I thought I could include this without much outcry. Still, this isn’t a cake to have in front of the kids. Also, if you’re a woman, what does a cake like this suggest about you?

73. I’m afraid Trudi may have to cope with being disappointed.

Yeah, nobody likes to be called Turdi. They may think she's all full of crap.

Yeah, nobody likes to be called Turdi. They may think she’s all full of crap.

74. If your mom’s turning 50, this is probably not the cake to give her.

Basically it's saying that now that her youth is over, prepare for the inevitability of death. Nice touching message.

Basically it’s saying that now that her youth is over, prepare for the inevitability of death. Nice touching message.

75. Does that rocket have feet or is it just its thrusters?

Because those look like feet to me. And I think that doesn't make the rocket look right.

Because those look like feet to me. And I think that doesn’t make the triangle rocket look right.

76. Happy Birthday and never forget.

Sorry, but a 9/11 cake is really offensive and dishonorable to the memories of those who died in the attacks. Not to mention, the people who still have health problems over it. For God's sake this is wrong on so many levels. Seriously, why the hell does this cake exist?

Sorry, but a 9/11 cake is really offensive and dishonorable to the memories of those who died in the attacks. Not to mention, the people who still have health problems over it. For God’s sake this is wrong on so many levels. Seriously, why the hell does this cake exist? What the hell is wrong with people?

77. Go ahead, tell him how you really feel about him on his birthday.

But at least the tool theme is fitting. Though not sure if you should nail it in.

But at least the tool theme is fitting. Though not sure if you should nail it in.

78. Of course, a woman always wants some special treatment on her birthday.

Not sure about a cake of Ken on a fur rug. I mean that's just freaky. Sorry, but it doesn't have the same effect in icing and plastic.

Not sure about a cake of Ken on a fur rug. I mean that’s just freaky. Sorry, but it doesn’t have the same effect in icing and plastic.

79. Seems like River is a big fan of Batman and Robin.

From Cake Wrecks: "I'm not sure if "River" is the birthday person's name, or if - in the tradition of Wreckerators everywhere - the decorator just labeled the cake what it's supposed to look like. If that's the case, then s/he must have meant "cascading river of blood, cement, and mold". But, you know, that probably wouldn't have fit."

From Cake Wrecks: “I’m not sure if “River” is the birthday person’s name, or if – in the tradition of Wreckerators everywhere – the decorator just labeled the cake what it’s supposed to look like. If that’s the case, then s/he must have meant “cascading river of blood, cement, and mold”. But, you know, that probably wouldn’t have fit.”

80. They always say that a lightsaber cake is among the coolest.

But I sense a real disturbance in the Force with this one. But it's said to have a real Jedi Master's vibe so to speak. But it's not good in the cold. Take note padawans.

But I sense a real disturbance in the Force with this one. But it’s said to have a real Jedi Master’s vibe so to speak. But it’s not good in the cold. Take note padawans.

Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles for These Birthday Party Cakes (Second Edition)

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For my 26th birthday, I had thought about doing a blog post on bad vintage birthday cards. However, turns out that while finding terrible vintage holiday cards isn’t much of a challenge, this wasn’t the same with birthday cards. So realizing that such search would take forever, I decided to go with another cake post. After all, with the existence of Cake Wrecks, out there I have a lot to go with Besides, I had plenty left over from last year’s birthday cake post, which got a rather great reception. Now when you order a birthday cake, you always expect everything about it to be right. But sometimes this isn’t the case. In my last birthday cake post, I had a lot of cakes that range from age inappropriate, outright creepy, unintentionally dirty, decorated by people with no understanding of following directions, and others. So for your reading pleasure, here are a treasure trove of more disastrous birthday cakes. Some of these might not be safe for work, by the way.

  1. Seems like this person’s loved ones aren’t giving warm wishes.
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Let’s hope the recipient isn’t turning 5. Because that would be bad. Still, like the rainbow color on this, though.

2. When you have someone in your life turning 50, it’s great to give them some support.

50th-birthday-cakes-31

However, this is not what I had in mind. So I suggest that you give Lori some padding, too? Seriously, why?

3. If your boy is into the Avengers, a cupcake cake of Thor’s hammer is sure to be right for the occasion.

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Then again, maybe this family should’ve went with Iron Man. I think a cake of Thor’s hammer may not turn out like the parents intended.

4. A monkey cake is always great for a small child’s party. Can’t have anything go wrong with that.

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Yes, I know monkeys can eat bananas. Yes, I know that they do gross things. However, this monkey cake shouldn’t have it holding a banana at its crotch.

5. Speaking of little kids, this Barney cake should be perfect for any preschooler’s birthday party.

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Yes, this is a very inappropriate Barney cake which will make a little girl disappointed. However, I think this is great since it makes an annoying purple dinosaur into a pink Godzilla on a rampage. It’s wonderful.

6. Of course, we all know that someone’s 16th birthday is a milestone.

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Yes, I know that being 16 makes it legal to drive. However, 16 is also the age of sexual consent in some states as well. So “legal” here can be rather non-specific, which is kind of creepy.

7. Make sure the balloons look appropriate when you buy a birthday cake for Dad.

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Had no idea that balloon placement could make things seem more inappropriate than they should be. Still, wonder if the family has the balls to use this one.

8. When you can’t draw something, use a decal.

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I’m sure this girl wouldn’t appreciate a Denver Broncos logo on her cake. This assuming that she lives outside Colorado.

9. For a kid at any age, a dog birthday cake is sure to lift people’s spirits.

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Apparently, this dog cake seems like a clinically depressed aardvark for some reason. Not sure why. Is there such a thing as canine Prozac?

10. Sometimes there are so many ways to misspell a name.

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I believe the boy’s name is supposed to be “Patrick” not “Parik-Shit.” Let’s hope this kid is too young to read so he won’t ask what “shit” means.

11. For young girls, you can’t go wrong with a Disney princess cake.

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I don’t know about you, but I don’t think a little girl is going to go for a birthday cake depicting Belle with Botox injections. Seriously, this cake is utterly terrifying even though it shouldn’t be.

12. Yes, turning 50 can be a major stepping stone in someone’s life.

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Great, this cake has a diseased foot on it which really disgusting. Makes me want to lose my appetite or puke. Not sure which.

13. For the rock guitarist in your life, a cake with an electric guitar is where it’s at.

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This guitar seems rather phallic for some reason. Not sure if it’s supposed to be. Still, let’s hope this one isn’t used for a kid’s birthday party. And leave it at that.

14. Apparently, somebody really has it in for Beth.

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I’m sure it’s supposed to be “Beth.” I don’t think the name includes a “c.” Still, let’s she doesn’t take it too personally.

15. Happy Birthday, Mary. Oh, wait, it’s Sean’s birthday. Not Mary’s.

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Seems like somebody got their birthdays mixed up. Luckily, the decorators managed to correct it with some bright green icing. Hope it makes Sean happy.

16. A birthday cake of a smiley face flower will brighten anyone’s day.

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But if it’s a one-eyed smiley face flower, it’s bound to give some little kids nightmares. Seriously, that’s incredibly freaky and disturbing.

17. Hopefully, nothing will go wrong with this monkey cake.

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Uh, maybe getting a monkey cake for your kid’s first birthday probably isn’t a good idea. Seriously, that monkey looks rather terrifying if you ask me.

18. With this birthday cake, it’s Superman to the rescue.

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Yes, I know that Superman is supposed to be all heroic as well as fly in to save people. However, I’m not sure if having a burning building on a birthday cake should emphasize that. Don’t ask me why someone thought this was a good idea.

19. Happy birthday, Don, and say goodbye to Dora the Explorer and all her friends.

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I guess the hunter already shot Dora and her buddies are dragging her away. Yeah, you get such hunting accidents like these. But maybe this bunch shouldn’t have been in the woods at this time, too.

20. Excuse me, but can anyone tell me  who Adam with Blue Flowers is?

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Well, at least they got the blue flowers on the cake. Still, did they have to spell it out on the icing? Seriously, it’s kind of distracting.

21. Whoever this cake is for, let’s hope she doesn’t take it personally.

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Is it supposed to be “Cali Girl?” Still, I wonder who’s receiving it understands what a “call girl” is. If she does, she’ll probably be pissed.

22. Happy Birthday, Cody, and take good care of your brains.

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A brain on a cake? Now that’s gross. Makes you wonder if this guy is a fan of The Walking Dead. Then again, it’s implied that he’s seven.

23. Nothing makes a happy birthday than a cake with an ashtray full of cigarettes.

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I don’t know about you, but I tend to see the sight of an ashtray as depressing as it is disgusting. As a cake, I see it no differently.

24. Seems like Jason is a real jerk and no one seems to make that a secret.

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Yes, just rub it in, I tell you. Wonder why Jason didn’t do anything for the other person’s birthday. Then again, he’s probably an ungrateful asshole to get a cake like this.

25. Guess this cake is for an old guy who’s not well-endowed.

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Well, at least this cakes honest. But did they have to put it on a cake? Wonder if this birthday boy drives a Hummer or tries to compensate. Still, at least this one has some candy on it.

26. Relax, guys, it just so happens that his name is Dick and that he likes tools.

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However, I can see why a cake like this might make some guys squirm. Yeah, the mention of “Dick” surrounded by tools could do that for them.

27. For young girls who like fairy tales, this frog prince cake will do nicely for their birthday.

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Of course, writing on a cake isn’t the best way to ask for a spell check. Seriously, it’s going to a family later for some girl’s birthday. “Plese Prooffreed This Kake” should not be on there.

28. When it comes to birthday cakes, you can’t go wrong with a mustache, assuming it’s for a guy.

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This mustache cake would be perfectly appropriate for a man’s birthday. However, this is for a 30-year-old woman named Annie. Let’s just say women don’t like being seen having mustaches.

29. Nothing makes a great birthday cake than one of gummy worm  infested skeletons in the ground.

 

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Because if you want to celebrate a 9-year-old’s birthday, then you have to find some way to remind them about their inevitable mortality. And how their bodies will eventually decay and be infested with bugs. Very disgusting to think about it.

30. Nothing says “happy birthday” than a cake reminding that you’re engaging in destructive health habits.

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I don’t know about you, but I don’t think the term “alcoholic in training” is a compliment. That decal of a woman in athletic gear just seems to make it more absurd.

31. Seems like Tinkerbell messed with the wrong side of the Force.

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No, Tink, you don’t want to mess with Darth Vader. He’s not a nice guy and doesn’t tolerate mischief whatsoever. Also, that lightsaber will kill you if he swings it at you.

32. Sorry to annoy parents, but I had to post this Barney cake.

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Hey, I didn’t say it was a cake of Barney doing anything nice. Rather this is him flipping the bird like he would in traffic. As the song says, “I fuck you, you fuck me, you’d be shocked of my attorney’s fee…”

33. For a little girl’s birthday, you can’t go wrong with a pony cake.

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I don’t know about you but this pony looks as if it’s been impaled on the side and is now sinking in some swamp. Not a very happy sight. Poor thing.

34. This family tried to get a cake like an newspaper for their 80-year-old grandpa. Hope that went well.

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I don’t think this is what they had in mind. But I’m sure they would have to do. Still, doesn’t seem like a great newspaper to me. The words are written along the columns.

35. For strong girls who love Disney, I suppose a Brave birthday cake would be appropriate.

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And it seems that this cake depicts Princess Merida on clean up duty. Or are those turds supposed to be foliage. Still, someone better explain themselves because it seems that Merida has just stepped in some large pile of cow manure.

36. I suppose any boy would surely love having a Buzz Lightyear cake for their birthday.

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Okay, that’s bound to give 3-year-olds nightmares. Buzz Lightyear wasn’t meant to haunt people’s dreams. But I think this decorator sees him differently for some reason.

37. Those who were preteens and teens in the last decade might remember Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana.

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Seems to have looked a lot creepier than I remember. And they thought she’d went on the deep end when she did her performance at the VMAs or in that “Wrecking Ball” video.

38. Nothing makes a better birthday cake than one with lots of green icing on it.

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This cake looks so messed up that I can barely read the words on it. Seriously, it looks as is someone puked green on it.

39. Nothing says “happy birthday” than a cake engulfed in flames.

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Not sure if I think a cake in flames is appropriate for someone’s birthday. Still, even for flames, these are pretty lame.

40. Seems like who ordered this cake may not have high opinions of Dave and Steve.

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Guess Dave on this cake might be a little light in the loafers. And for all I know, Uncle Steve might be on some sex offender list somewhere. Let’s hope they’re not in a relationship.

41. For a birthday cake, you can’t do better than with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

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To be fair, this is for someone who is 25. Still, A bottle of Jack Daniels as a cake like that seems kind of depressing if you really think about it. Seems like Sam might need help.

42. Happy Birthday, Dick. I’m sorry, I mean Matt. We’re just screwing with you.

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Too bad, already written down. Should’ve ordered a cake with someone who knows how to follow directions. Now that seems cruel.

43. When you turn 40, sometimes you feel that your life is going down the toilet.

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Well, on the bright side, this doesn’t seem like a hard cake to make. Still, why they have to include the turds? That’s gross.

44. When you’re getting old, you might feel like you’re having a crisis.

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Hope this person isn’t going through a midlife crisis. Or a health crisis. Still, not sure if you want that on a birthday cake.

45. Of course, a lot of girls would adore a Barbie birthday cake.

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Well, Ryan can be a girl’s name. However, how many girls named Ryan do you know? Exactly. Still, I know a few guys named Ryan I went to school with though.

46. Nothing makes a little girl’s dream like a birthday cake of Princess Chewbacca.

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Yes, this is Chewie in a dress. And yes, it’s like having the Beauty and the Beast in the same persona. Hey, laugh it up, fuzzball.

47. Nothing makes a better birthday cake for an 8-year-old than one of the Black Death.

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To be fair, this was made on purpose in light of a popular TV show in Britain. Still, Americans might not understand and think it’s gross. I hope one of professors doesn’t use a cake like that for his son’s birthday.

48. If you were around during the 2000s, you might remember the Jonas Brothers. Here’s a cake of them.

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49. When you want to have your birthday cake in a different language, maybe you shouldn’t order it retail.

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Whoever got this one should’ve ordered a blank cake and put the Chinese characters on it themselves. C’mon, what are the chances that a cake decorator in retail knows any Chinese?

50. Sometimes when you have two kids with birthdays and can only afford one cake, they might as well have to share.

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Hope this cake doesn’t give any indication of how the Philadelphia Eagles were doing that season. I mean Eeyore isn’t the most sunny character from Winnie the Pooh. Still, must suck for siblings to share a cake. They should’ve went generic.

51. You can’t have a great birthday without a cake of a Chipoltle burrito.

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Of course, right now you probably wouldn’t want a Chipoltle burrito cake for your birthday. Now that you think about it, with the E. Coli and Novovirus outbreaks, you don’t want to go anywhere near one.

52. Of course, clowns tend to be a popular birthday cake motif, especially for kids.

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I don’t know about you, but I don’t think “clown massacre” is a great theme for a birthday cake. In fact, I don’t think it’s a great theme for any cake. This is horrifying.

53. A lot of 21st birthday cakes have drinking, this is the cake that expresses how some feel the day after.

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Actually, waking up with a hangover isn’t any fun. So why have a cake depicting one, I have no idea. Still, least it’s better than having a cake of the movie.

54. When it comes to birthday cakes, you can’t go wrong with Harry Potter.

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Seems like this Harry Potter cake has an acne outbreak and is totally emo teen mode. Also, where the hell is his lightning bolt scar on his forehead? Must be under the bangs.

55. When it comes to Barbie doll cakes, they’re always decked in pretty dress. Not sure about this one.

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Oh, my God, this Barbie has a beard. Guess this was originally for a girl and was made to look as manly as possible. Now it seems like some transvestite in a white frilly dress. Probably a lumberjack.

56. For the little boy who loves trains, a Thomas the Tank Engine birthday cake is just the ticket.

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I don’t know about you. But it looks as if Thomas might be going off the rails. Is there any form of anger management at Shining Time Station? Because his rail rage might cause some accidents.

57. Happy 8th Birthday, Billy. Oh, wait, congratulations, Joe.

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Seems like the decorator assumed that no one will notice. Please don’t mind the stuff they crossed out.

58. Of course, do you remember the time when Justin Bieber was popular? Still, there’s a birthday cake for him.

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Never cared for Justin Bieber. Think he’s a scrawny twit if you ask me. Seriously, kill it. Kill it with fire.

59. Happy Birthday, Theresa. Here’s a cake you can surely sniff up to.

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A coke hat cake? Seriously, that’s crazy. Oh, and it includes ecstasy. Okay, why does this cake even exist is my question. I mean why?

60. For her birthday, let no grass grow under her feet.

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When they say, “Let no grass grow under her feet,” it’s usually not a compliment. Also, this cake is filled with some grammatical errors as well.

61. Now this Thomas the Tank Engine carnival birthday cake is great for any kid’s party.

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Uh, did anyone get the memo that Peter has a nut allergy? I don’t think that’s something you put on cake. Not sure if this resulted in Peter breaking in hives.

62. For someone’s birthday, a bumblebee cake is always nice.

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However, a cake with a bumblebee being pursued by a flamethrower, not so much. Seriously, why does this even exist? Why?

63. Happy Birthday to Heather and Susan, but more emphasis on Susan.

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Yeah, I think this cake decorator has no idea how to follow directions. Also, I think this birthday cake is bound to make Heather feel disappointed.

64. Happy birthday and sorry about the soap.

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Yeah, I think the soap is a bad idea. Still, let’s not hope it’s in the cake. That would be bad. Really bad.

65. Happy birthday, Dave, and remember to get a colonoscopy.

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Then again, that’s a cigar burning on his butt. Which begs the question, why the hell does this cake even exist? Seriously, why?

66. Those who love Ghostbusters will adore this birthday cake.

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Well, at least they’re honest. Still, that message, “you’re not special” gotta hurt. You really don’t want that on your birthday cake.

67. Celebrate your birthday with a cake of Lil’ Wayne.

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Okay, I know the guy’s a rapper. But this one makes him seem like he’s a straight up horror movie villain. And the licorice dreads don’t help at all.

68. Nothing makes a better first birthday cake than one from Family Guy?

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I know this was probably the parents’ idea. But still, Family Guy is a show for adults with adult jokes. A monkey cake would make more sense.

69. When it comes to little girl birthday cakes, you can’t go wrong with a castle.

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I don’t know about you but those towers don’t look right. To me they kind of resemble a trio of flowery dildos. Definitely not what you’d want on a cake for a little girl’s birthday.

70. Those who grew up with The Magic School Bus will enjoy this birthday cake of Ms. Frizzle.

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Wait a minute, that’s supposed to be of musical artist Tori Amos. My bad. And a very bad rendition of her, too. Seriously, that doesn’t look right.

71. Of course, I couldn’t do a birthday cake post without including one of My Little Pony.

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Well, this cake just says “My Little Pony,” so the birthday girl in this situation will have to use her imagination. Which is kind of a shame because the decorator didn’t know how to follow directions.

72. This 14-year-old girl’s birthday cake will bring you to tears.

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Or rather, tears of, wait, is that supposed to be blood? Sure looks like it. So why did anyone think this was a good idea for a birthday cake? Why?

73. Since Frozen is all the rage, I just had to include a birthday cake of Queen Elsa.

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Now that hardly resembles Elsa at all. More like a cartoony Queen Marie Antoinette dressed like Elsa for Halloween. They should’ve used a decal instead.

74. Happy 35th Birthday and sorry, I can’t draw a unicorn.

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Well, I have to admire the decorator’s honesty. Then again, they might just have been repeating what the customer ordered. Either way, doesn’t look great on a cake.

75. Girls who love Disney princesses will surely adore this Cinderella birthday cake.

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I’m afraid Cinderella hasn’t aged very well. That, or she’s been having a lot of plastic surgery over the years that has gone horribly wrong. I’m not sure which.

76. Happy birthday, and by the way, you’re fat.

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Yeah, I think having “Happy Birthday Chubby” on a cake is bound to cause someone to have either a lower self-image or lose their temper. Please, don’t try to risk either.

77. All what this cake should say is, “Happy Birthday.”

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Seems like someone took some customer’s directions a bit more literal than they should. Seriously, all they had to write was “Happy Birthday.” How hard could it be?

78. For small children, you can’t go wrong with an Elmo birthday cake.

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To be fair, the birthday girl in this situation was sharing a birthday with her dad. However, it does seem like Elmo’s being naughty at a strip club. Seriously, couldn’t they just put a pickup truck for God’s sake?

79. All right, who the hell is L Hyphen A (With Sprinkles)?

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Seems like this cake decorator put down exactly just what the customer ordered. Just not how they wanted it. That’s how you get cakes like these.

80. A guy who likes action movies would always like a birthday cake with Chuck Norris.

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This cake is so wrong on so many levels. For one, that doesn’t look like Chuck Norris. Second, the grammar is horrible. Oh, that’s supposed to be “doesn’t cry”. Well, the spacing’s too close. Third, an assault weapon, really?

Halloween Cakes

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When it comes to finding tacky and inappropriate stuff for Halloween, it’s a unique challenge compared to most holidays. I mean when you got a holiday like Christmas, Easter, and Valentines Day, anything that seems gross, inappropriate, creepy, or tacky will do. Since Halloween is known for stuff that intentionally scare or creep people out, this poses a unique challenge. If you want to know, you can see my post on vintage Halloween ads. And finding bad Halloween cakes are no exception. Now I know that many people have parties for Halloween and might also order cakes as well. Now I can do a post showing all the great scary Halloween cakes out there. But you would probably not read it at all. So instead, I’ll focus on the store bought pastry disasters that would scare even the most terrifying monster out there. So without further adieu, here are some Halloween cakes not worth scaring for.

  1. When ordering Halloween cupcakes, it’s recommended you go with bats.
Those are bats? Seriously, they just look black scribbles on orange icing.

Those are bats? Seriously, they just look black scribbles on orange icing. You’d expect stuff like that from a 4-year-old.

2. “Happy Hallowen, Trick or Troat?”

Seriously, do cake decorators not have spell check or something? Because I think people know how to spell "Halloween" and "treat."

Seriously, do cake decorators not have spell check or something? Because I think people know how to spell “Halloween” and “treat.”

3. Of course, a ghost is a simple design for any Halloween cake. Let’s hope nobody messes this up.

I'm sure ghosts take a fluid appearance and you can take some degree of leeway drawing one. However, these look like sperm, not ghosts. A decorator should know not to draw anything that looks like sperm.

I’m sure ghosts take a fluid appearance and you can take some degree of leeway drawing one. However, these look like sperm, not ghosts. A decorator should know not to draw anything that looks like sperm.

4. Now these look like cupcakes you can really get your hands on.

Actually contrary to what Colonel Sanders once said, these don't look anywhere near finger lickin' good. In fact, they look very finger lickin' bad in my mind.

Actually contrary to what Colonel Sanders once said, these don’t look anywhere near finger lickin’ good. In fact, they look very finger lickin’ bad in my mind.

5. Of course, I heard that Frankenstein’s monster is a very popular cake design this Halloween.

Okay, what the hell is this? I mean that doesn't look like Frankenstein's monster. He does not have a head shaped like that or teeth going sideways.

Okay, what the hell is this? I mean that doesn’t look like Frankenstein’s monster. He does not have a head shaped like that or teeth going sideways.

6. Well, at least this Frankenstein monster cake has a face, save for maybe the nose.

That's a nose? Really, that looks like something that belongs between Frankenstein's legs than his eyes. Seriously, who decorates noses like that? That's crazy.

That’s a nose? Really, that looks like something that belongs between Frankenstein’s legs than his eyes. Seriously, who decorates noses like that? That’s crazy.

7. Hop aboard the Rest in Peace Bus, we give free rides!

What's with the green fingers hanging from the trunk? That makes no goddamn sense for some reason.

What’s with the green fingers hanging from the trunk? That makes no goddamn sense for some reason.

8. Of course, bats always carry a rather scary feature on any Halloween cake, especially in groups.

For the love of God, those don't look like bats. They might as well be birds for crying out loud. Can't the cake decorator know the difference?

For the love of God, those don’t look like bats. They might as well be birds for crying out loud. Can’t the cake decorator know the difference?

9. Cake not scary enough? Put a spider on it.

Sorry, but I don't think a spider is helping in this situation, especially if it looks like a cute little fur ball. This cake is lame.

Sorry, but I don’t think a spider is helping in this situation, especially if it looks like a cute little fur ball. This cake is lame.

10. Hope your Halloween party is a blast with this vampire Elvis cake.

From Cake Wrecks: "I vant choo to stay off of my blue svade shoos! Muah! Ah! Ah!" Yeah, not very intimidating at all.

From Cake Wrecks: “I vant choo to stay off of my blue svade shoos! Muah! Ah! Ah!” Yeah, not very intimidating at all.

11. Not surprisingly, pumpkins are another popular cake subject for Halloween.

And this one just happens to remind me of Edvard Munch's The Scream for some reason. Also, its nose is too close to its mouth.

And this one just happens to remind me of Edvard Munch’s The Scream for some reason. Also, its nose is too close to its mouth.

12. On any monstrous Halloween cake, you can’t have too many eyeballs.

From Cake Wrecks: "I was looking at a mud puddle, and it spoke to me, and it said, 'Give me the face of a hippie, man. Plus a crap ton of edible glitter and plastic eyeballs.' So I did." Couldn't say it better myself.

From Cake Wrecks: “I was looking at a mud puddle, and it spoke to me, and it said, ‘Give me the face of a hippie, man. Plus a crap ton of edible glitter and plastic eyeballs.’ So I did.” Couldn’t say it better myself.

13. Of course, adding blood can makes things all the more scarier.

Now what is this? Ghost? Skeleton? Something from a horror movie? A bad attempt at drawing anything worth freaking people out? You decide.

Now what is this? Ghost? Skeleton? Something from a horror movie? A bad attempt at drawing anything worth freaking people out? You decide.

14. Beware of the pink plastic footed purple brick monster!

From Cake Wrecks: "What's got four plastic feet, plastic eyes, a plastic hat, and vaguely disconcerting icing "hair" sprouting out of a purple brick? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THIS." Me neither. Nor do I want to know.

From Cake Wrecks: “What’s got four plastic feet, plastic eyes, a plastic hat, and vaguely disconcerting icing “hair” sprouting out of a purple brick? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THIS.” Me neither. Nor do I want to know.

15. When doing a vampire cake, make sure it looks like one that could suck your blood.

However, this isn't how you should do a vampire cake for Halloween. This vampire looks like he's  an embarrassing love child of the Count from Sesame Street. Seriously, it's too cute.

However, this isn’t how you should do a vampire cake for Halloween. This vampire looks like he’s an embarrassing love child of the Count from Sesame Street. Seriously, it’s too cute.

16. All right, if you can’t choose between ghost and jack o’lantern, we could just mesh them together. Nobody will notice.

Actually they will. I mean that doesn't look like any pumpkin I've seen in my life. Now it just seems to resemble a really misshapen pumpkin for almost no reason at all.

Actually they will. I mean that doesn’t look like any pumpkin I’ve seen in my life. Now it just seems to resemble a really misshapen pumpkin for almost no reason at all.

17. Always try to give your monster cake a scary face if you could.

Now that's a face that could haunt anyone's nightmares. But not necessarily for the right reasons though.

Now that’s a face that could haunt anyone’s nightmares. But not necessarily for the right reasons though. Still, don’t what the hell this thing is supposed to be. And that’s pretty scary.

18. Beware the dreaded pod baby if you dare.

Now what the hell does this have to do with Halloween? Other than the fangs, I don't see any point. Also, this is just so weird looking for some reason.

Now what the hell does this have to do with Halloween? Other than the fangs, I don’t see any point. Also, this is just so weird looking for some reason.

19. Sometimes it’s best to go simple such as a moon and night sky.

That does not look like a moon in the night sky. That looks like a banana shooting laser beams. Doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

That does not look like a moon in the night sky. That looks like a banana shooting laser beams. Doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

20. If you want a simple cake design this Halloween, go with a ghost.

This is not a ghost. This is a roll of darkened toilet paper with arms and eyes. And now, it's angry.

This is not a ghost. This is a roll of darkened toilet paper with arms and eyes. And now, it’s angry.

21. Remember, that yellow eyes can make a ghost look even scarier, especially semicircular ones.

From Cake Wrecks: "I am not 'pretty,' I AM THE TERRIFYING TP! Here to WIPE you out! Mwuah-ha-haaawhy are you laughing?" Yeah, that does look like a really scary roll of toilet paper. Not.

From Cake Wrecks: “I am not ‘pretty,’ I AM THE TERRIFYING TP! Here to WIPE you out! Mwuah-ha-haaawhy are you laughing?” Yeah, that does look like a really scary roll of toilet paper. Not.

22. Nothing is scarier on Halloween than a giant green monster.

From Cake Wrecks: "Next we have an ice cream swirl wearing a traffic cone about to be impaled by a trident. Because if THAT doesn't say "Happy Halloween"... then don't worry 'cuz the board does." Yeah, kind of looks like that. Also reminds me a bit of the Pirate Parrot for some reason. Not sure why.

From Cake Wrecks: “Next we have an ice cream swirl wearing a traffic cone about to be impaled by a trident. Because if THAT doesn’t say “Happy Halloween”… then don’t worry ‘cuz the board does.” Yeah, kind of looks like that. Also reminds me a bit of the Pirate Parrot for some reason. Not sure why.

23. Nothing is scarier in a modern home than a possessed stove burner.

You know the kind of burners that spontaneously set fire to whole kitchens without any alert from the smoke detector. Yeah, haunted appliances are so in right now.

You know the kind of burners that spontaneously set fire to whole kitchens without any alert from the smoke detector. Yeah, haunted appliances are so in right now.

24. Nothing captures the spirit of Halloween more than a cake of mummified, misshapen candy corn?

Oh, my God. For one, nobody likes candy corn, let alone with a smiley face. Second, it's even more stupid that it's made to look like a mummy.

Oh, my God. For one, nobody likes candy corn, let alone with a smiley face. Second, it’s even more stupid that it’s made to look like a mummy.

25. When it comes to making you gag this Halloween season, maggots can’t be beat.

Now I know that there's a lot of gross stuff associated with Halloween. But I think maggot cakes would just make me either throw up or lose my appetite.

Now I know that there’s a lot of gross stuff associated with Halloween. But I think maggot cakes would just make me either throw up or lose my appetite.

26. Want a creepy cake? Go with a green spider.

Yes, it has 8 legs and fangs. But it doesn't seem creepy or scary for some reason. In fact, it looks pretty lame if I do say so myself.

Yes, it has 8 legs and fangs. But it doesn’t seem creepy or scary for some reason. In fact, it looks pretty lame if I do say so myself.

27. When doing a circular cake, always stick with a pumpkin.

That's not a pumpkin. That's an orange baseball with eyes after a dog has just taken a crap on it. What it has to do with Halloween, I have no idea.

That’s not a pumpkin. That’s an orange baseball with eyes after a dog has just taken a crap on it. What it has to do with Halloween, I have no idea.

28. Summon your dead ancestors to your Halloween party with this Oujia board cake.

Now that's the worst spelling of Ouijia I've ever seen. Seriously, where's a dictionary when you need it. Could see that the decorator really needed help with this one.

Now that’s the worst spelling of Ouijia I’ve ever seen. Seriously, where’s a dictionary when you need it. Could see that the decorator really needed help with this one.

29. Of course, ghosts cakes can have virtually any shape.

Since when does toilet paper ever get angry? I thought being an ass wipe was the gist of its existence.

Since when does toilet paper ever get angry? I thought being an ass wipe was the gist of its existence.

30. When you don’t have a Halloween monster in mind, you can always design your own.

Now this is what you get when you cross Princess Leia, Dracula, a Sesame Street muppet and Bride of Frankenstein. Yeah, not very scary if you ask me.

Now this is what you get when you cross Princess Leia, Dracula, a Sesame Street muppet and Bride of Frankenstein. Yeah, not very scary if you ask me.

31. Nothing makes a Halloween cake like having creepy crawlies on it.

Now I can understand why you have the spider and web. But why ants? Seriously, ants aren't scary unless they're as big as Godzilla like in Them! Besides, there are plenty of more suitable insects out there to give people the heebie jeebies. Ants aren't among them.

Now I can understand why you have the spider and web. But why ants? Seriously, ants aren’t scary unless they’re as big as Godzilla like in Them! Besides, there are plenty of more suitable insects out there to give people the heebie jeebies. Ants aren’t among them.

32. Happy Halloween from your colorful spermie friends?

Once again, ghosts shouldn't be decorated to look like sperm for God's sake. Second, what the hell do these colorful sperm have to do with Halloween?

Once again, ghosts shouldn’t be decorated to look like sperm for God’s sake. Second, what the hell do these colorful sperm have to do with Halloween?

33. Any cake can be a Halloween cake, you just have to add ghosts and pumpkins to it.

Let's just say when it comes to pop culture, a Spongebob Squarepants cake really doesn't make a great backdrop. In fact, it looks absolutely stupid.

Let’s just say when it comes to pop culture, a Spongebob Squarepants cake really doesn’t make a great backdrop. In fact, it looks absolutely stupid.

34. Of course, getting ghosts wrong can really lead to some awkward situation.

From Cake Wrecks: "WHAT in the name of sweet Lassie is that spider doing?!?" Was going to ask the same question myself. Okay, I don't want to know.

From Cake Wrecks: “WHAT in the name of sweet Lassie is that spider doing?!?” Was going to ask the same question myself. Okay, I don’t want to know.

35. Don’t have an idea for a Halloween cake? Just add some candy corn.

Candy Corn: the least popular thing associated with Halloween. It's basically inedible sugar wax.

Candy Corn: the least popular thing associated with Halloween. It’s basically inedible sugar wax. But it’s so easy, anyone can do it.

36. You can turn any cake into a Halloween one if you just add a plastic spider.

Before the spider was added, it was originally a birthday present cake. Now it's bound to freak you out now.

Before the spider was added, it was originally a birthday present cake. Now it’s bound to freak you out now. Yeah, spine-chilling.

37. “Have a nice day,” from your local smiley face vampire.

Now this is just wrong. I mean really wrong. Seriously, you can add fangs to a smiley face but it would never look appropriate for Halloween. Sorry, but this is just so ridiculous.

Now this is just wrong. I mean really wrong. Seriously, you can add fangs to a smiley face but it would never look appropriate for Halloween. Sorry, but this is just so ridiculous.

38. Need a Halloween cake fast. No problem, just stick an eyeball on a dog cake. Now it’s an eyeball monster.

Now that just doesn't look right for some reason. I mean it more or less resembles a dog with a freaking eyeball. More awkward than scary, don't you agree.

Now that just doesn’t look right for some reason. I mean it more or less resembles a dog with a freaking eyeball. More awkward than scary, don’t you agree.

39. Uh, a jack o’lantern cake is supposed to have eyes, right?

Let's just say I don't think a blind jack o'lantern really gives into the Halloween spirit. Seriously, that just looks like something is missing.

Let’s just say I don’t think a blind jack o’lantern really gives into the Halloween spirit. Seriously, that just looks like something is missing.

40. Need to sell a dog cake on Halloween? Make it into a zombie dog.

Oh, that is just doggone awful. You can make it green and add patches, but you can't make this dog even remotely scary.

Oh, that is just doggone awful. You can make it green and add patches, but you can’t make this dog even remotely scary.

To Have and to Hold Wedding Cake Toppers

discount-wedding-cake-toppers

Now last year I did a post on wedding cakes which has received a lot of views since July. But even so, most wedding cakes usually have decorations of some sort, particularly on the top. Now toppers usually range from a floral arrangement with fake flowers to the traditional standing bride and groom. And a lot of times, you can customize as you and significant others please. However, despite this being a food post, most of what I have to feature isn’t at all edible and sometimes tends to be used as a keepsake. For instance, my grandparents have their wedding cake topper. Nevertheless, while I can tell you of all the great wedding cake toppers out there, you probably wouldn’t want to hear it since it would be quite boring and sentimental that it’ll make you puke in sheer boredom. So instead I’ll show wedding cake toppers that should never be on wedding cakes or see a wedding reception. I mean you have to wonder why couples would ever want them gracing their cakes. So for your reading pleasure, here are some ill-advised wedding cake toppers you shouldn’t put on your wedding cake. Some of these might not be safe for work.

1. All right, get him to the altar kicking and screaming where it’s legal.

I know it's a gay marriage cake but still. It's basically abduction if you really think about it, even if the guys are in tuxedos. And it being a gay wedding cake, it might have certain unfortunate implications to some people.

I know it’s a gay marriage cake but still. It’s basically abduction if you really think about it, even if the guys are in tuxedos. And it being a gay wedding cake, it might have certain unfortunate implications to some people.

2. As in fairy tales, if you kiss a frog it’s said to turn into a prince.

Still, I'm sure if you kiss a frog he may still be a frog. And even if he's a prince, he could still be a jerk. Seriously, the frog in the Frog Prince story was a jerk who thinks good deeds to girls should get him laid.

Still, I’m sure if you kiss a frog he may still be a frog. And even if he’s a prince, he could still be a jerk. Seriously, the frog in the Frog Prince story was a jerk who thinks good deeds to girls should get him laid.

3. Sometimes the bride can just be too big that they fall into the cake.

Now while overweight women do get married (and not always to overweight men), this is just pretty insulting to them. Seriously, why does this cake topper even exist for God's sake?

Now while overweight women do get married (and not always to overweight men), this is just pretty insulting to them. Seriously, why does this cake topper even exist for God’s sake?

4. Nothing makes a better wedding cake topper than one paying tribute to a movie about a woman being pursued by her 12 feet tall and 800 pound city ravaging stalker.

Enjoy your honeymoon in New York City. Hope you like your view from the top of the Empire State Building. Seriously, King Kong is a very twisted love story if you really think about it.

Enjoy your honeymoon in New York City. Hope you like your view from the top of the Empire State Building. Seriously, King Kong is a very twisted love story if you really think about it.

5. Seems like she’s caught him by the buttocks. Now she just has to reel him in.

I'm sure if this guy wants to get loose, all he has to do is take his pants off. Then again, the hook might've dug into his skin by now.

I’m sure if this guy wants to get loose, all he has to do is take his pants off. Then again, the hook might’ve dug into his skin by now. But I’m not sure if he’ll take it hook, line, and sinker.

6. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you horse and unicorn head.”

Of course, you might think it's demented. But keep in mind that a couple is actually wearing such masks in the background. Still, very demented.

Of course, you might think it’s demented. But keep in mind that a couple is actually wearing such masks in the background. Still, very demented as a cake topper of which your family members may never really understand.

7. Grace your wedding cake with the Dark Knight and his Catwoman bride.

Yeah, I'm sure a marriage between Batman and Catwoman would seem like a match made in heaven. But keep in mind, Batman is a psychological wreck with childhood induced PTSD who thinks dressing up as a bat as well as acts that his brand of vigilante justice and vengeance will honor his dead parents' memories. And Catwoman, well, she's a habitual thief and possibly can't be trusted.

Yeah, I’m sure a marriage between Batman and Catwoman would seem like a match made in heaven. But keep in mind, Batman is a psychological wreck with childhood induced PTSD who thinks dressing up as a bat as well as acts that his brand of vigilante justice and vengeance will honor his dead parents’ memories. And Catwoman, well, she’s a habitual thief and possibly can’t be trusted.

8. Now this wedding cake topper has the ultimate bridezilla.

Let me guess, their honeymoon will probably consist of storming the streets of Tokyo. It will probably be an utter disaster, for the Japanese at least.

Let me guess, their honeymoon will probably consist of storming the streets of Tokyo. It will probably be an utter disaster, for the Japanese at least.

9. This zombie wedding cake topper will show how true love lasts forever, even beyond the grave or during a zombie apocalypse.

Sure this might be a great wedding cake topper, if you plan to get married on Halloween. Otherwise, I'm sure nobody wants to think about zombie hordes hungry for your brains on what's supposed to be a happy occasion.

Sure this might be a great wedding cake topper, if you plan to get married on Halloween. Otherwise, I’m sure nobody wants to think about zombie hordes hungry for your brains on what’s supposed to be a happy occasion.

10. Awww….Alien marries Predator. Isn’t that sweet?

I bet you any money that this cake topper was the groom's idea in this wedding. Besides, since they already came out with Alien vs. Predator, I'm not sure if I'd think a Alien/Predator marriage would even work out. Then again, they might kill each other in the process, which may be fine by me.

I bet you any money that this cake topper was the groom’s idea in this wedding. Besides, since they already came out with Alien vs. Predator, I’m not sure if I’d think a Alien/Predator marriage would even work out. Then again, they might kill each other in the process, which may be fine by me.

11. Sometimes the secret to getting a man is to lasso him in.

This bride's face reads:

This bride’s face reads: “Hmm…doesn’t seem like much, but he’ll do just the same.” Seriously, lassos are for cows, not men, especially at the neck.

12. I call this one “Armed in Matrimony.”

Because marriage is all about you and your partner against the rest of the world. Seems like the bride really loves her shotgun, perhaps a bit too much. Then again, at least the guns are for hunting as far as I know.

Because marriage is all about you and your partner against the rest of the world. Seems like the bride really loves her shotgun, perhaps a bit too much. Then again, at least the guns are for hunting as far as I know.

13. Get married and then spend your wedding day texting on your smartphones.

Now I have nothing against weddings but on your special day, mobile devices should be off limits at least until the honeymoon. Seriously, a cell phone interruption is the last thing you want at a wedding.

Now I have nothing against technology but on your special day, mobile devices should be off limits at least until the honeymoon. Seriously, a cell phone interruption is the last thing you want at a wedding.

14. “Ah…can I just play one more level of Halo?” “No way, Jose!”

Sorry, buddy, but it's game over for you. Now pick up yourself by your bootsraps and grow up. Then again, I wonder if the bride is dragging him to the altar a little too soon.

Sorry, buddy, but it’s game over for you. Now pick up yourself by your bootsraps and grow up. Then again, I wonder if the bride is dragging him to the altar a little too soon.

15. Ah…there’s nothing like romantic moment like love at first fight.

I'm sure these two are only marrying each other because they want children and feel that they couldn't find someone better. They can't stand each other. Then again, they can be in a romantic comedy, which in this case would make them utterly perfect for each other.

I’m sure these two are only marrying each other because they want children and feel that they couldn’t find someone better. They can’t stand each other. Then again, they can be in a romantic comedy, which in this case would make them utterly perfect for each other.

16. Seems like this bride really loves her new husband’s cheeks.

Okay, I'm sure that would be hard to explain to the children. Nothing to see here, kids. You'll find out when you're older.

Okay, I’m sure that would be hard to explain to the children. Nothing to see here, kids. You’ll find out when you’re older.

17. Congratulations to Mr. Right and Mrs. Always Right.

And it seems that Mrs. Always Right really wants to rub it in to Mr. Right. I'm not sure why. But she probably wants to show who's boss.

And it seems that Mrs. Always Right really wants to rub it in to Mr. Right. I’m not sure why. But she probably wants to show who’s boss.

18. Of course, weddings can be stressful. And after the big day, you just want to relax.

I can understand why the groom would want to kick back on his recliner and TV after the altar trip. Wish the bride could have something to relax on, too.

I can understand why the groom would want to kick back on his recliner and TV after the altar trip. Wish the bride could have something to relax on, too.

19. “Don’t make me aim my shotgun at you.”

I'm sure if you need a shotgun to stop a runaway groom, then I'm not sure if you should marry him. Him complying would be fear not love. And in romance, it's better to be loved than feared and hated.

I’m sure if you need a shotgun to stop a runaway groom, then I’m not sure if you should marry him. Him complying would be fear not love. And in romance, it’s better to be loved than feared and hated.

20. Seems like the latest wedding craze for brides is having their groom on a leash.

Now either this is utterly humiliating for the groom or some kind of BDSM routine. But by the look of their faces, it seems to lean toward the former for some reason.

Now either this is utterly humiliating for the groom or some kind of BDSM routine. But by the look of their faces, it seems to lean toward the former for some reason.

21. These two newlyweds are as crazy as a couple of mad rabbits.

Sure rabbits are supposed to be cute little balls of fur. These are not in any way. Still, I'd watch out for the bride if I were you. She has a skillet and isn't afraid to use it, and I'm not sure for cooking.

Sure rabbits are supposed to be cute little balls of fur. These are not in any way. Still, I’d watch out for the bride if I were you. She has a skillet and isn’t afraid to use it, and I’m not sure for cooking.

22. For your under the sea wedding theme, it’s best to have your wedding cake topped with a couple of mermice.

What the fuck? Seriously, this is fucked up beyond belief. How in the hell would anyone think that putting a fishtail on the animal you call an exterminator for is cute?I mean the person who came up with an idea like this must be a. a hippie who had too much brown acid at Woodstock, b. a mad scientist, c. a rogue taxidermist or some old timey impresio wanting to make a buck, or d. all of the above.

What the fuck? Seriously, this is fucked up beyond belief. How in the hell would anyone think that putting a fishtail on the animal you call an exterminator for is cute?I mean the person who came up with an idea like this must be a. a hippie who had too much brown acid at Woodstock, b. a mad scientist, c. a rogue taxidermist or some old timey impresario wanting to make a buck, or d. all of the above.

23. For those men about to marry significantly older women, a Harold and Maude wedding cake topper would do just fine.

Sure it's a 1970s film about a barely legal emo teen and a geriactric bohemian old enough to be his grandma. But still, at least it has a good storyline, a strong female lead, and a Cat Stevens soundtrack. Also, at least it's not a romance between 17 year old girl and a 107-year old vampire who hangs out at her high school. Now that would be very creepy.

Sure it’s a 1970s film about a barely legal emo teen and a geriactric bohemian old enough to be his grandma. But still, at least it has a good storyline, a strong female lead, and a Cat Stevens soundtrack. Also, at least it’s not a romance between 17 year old girl and a 107-year old vampire who hangs out at her high school. Now that would be very creepy.

24. “By the power vested in me, I pronounce you Chucky and Bride of Chucky.”

Okay, I think if my grandma saw this wedding cake topper she'd remark on how cute it was until she took a closer look. Yeah, I'm sure a topper of homicidal dolls is what you'd want on your wedding cake. Not.

Okay, I think if my grandma saw this wedding cake topper she’d remark on how cute it was until she took a closer look. Yeah, I’m sure a topper of homicidal dolls is what you’d want on your wedding cake. Not.

25. Nothing drives the point of “till death do us part” than a couple of kissing skeletons emphasizing “how love never dies.”

Now skeletons are one thing but French kissing skeletons over a grave? Now that's crazy. Even for a wedding on Halloween.

Now skeletons are one thing but French kissing skeletons over a grave? Now that’s crazy. Even for a wedding on Halloween.

26. “I’m arresting you in the name of love for stealing my heart. You’ll be facing a lifetime of holy matrimony.”

I suppose this wedding cake topper is for a cop. Still, for a second I thought he either had her pulled over or she was giving a description of her runaway groom.

I suppose this wedding cake topper is for a cop. Still, for a second I thought he either had her pulled over or she was giving a description of her runaway groom.

27. For more innocent fun, top your wedding cake with this PlayMobil couple.

Seems like this groom just married a black widow, or a woman who'd soon become one if he's her first one. Yeah, and this is coming from a company that makes toys for children. That's pretty twisted.

Seems like this groom just married a black widow, or a woman who’d soon become one if he’s her first one. Yeah, and this is coming from a company that makes toys for children. That’s pretty twisted.

28. Seems like the couple packing heat together stays together. Then again, it’s possible that they’d probably die together, too in some domestic dispute that would go out of hand.

That groom better get off his cell phone now since I don't like the look on the bride's face. Seriously, all guns do is make these blushing newlyweds look like homicidal maniacs. Just saying.

That groom better get off his cell phone now since I don’t like the look on the bride’s face. Seriously, all guns do is make these blushing newlyweds look like homicidal maniacs. Just saying.

29. For the guy from Baltimore getting married, this Baltimore Ravens cake topper is for you.

I could imagine my Aunt Jane's husband recommending this cake topper for one of his kids when any of them get married. Still,  I'm sure those aren't taxidermied ravens since I'm sure the real birds are bigger.

I could imagine my Aunt Jane’s husband recommending this cake topper for one of his kids when any of them get married. Still, I’m sure those aren’t taxidermied ravens since I’m sure the real birds are bigger.

30. For a little bit of night life, top your wedding cake with a couple of bats.

Okay, now this might seem fine for Halloween. But for any other time of year, it's just batty. I mean there's a reason why we don't associate weddings with bats.

Okay, now this might seem fine for Halloween. But for any other time of year, it’s just batty. I mean there’s a reason why we don’t associate weddings with bats.

31. For your winter wedding you can’t do worse than a Snow Queen cake topper.

Okay, now despite that Frozen was inspired by the Snow Queen story. The tale is about a magical ice queen who abducts a child and keeps him in her castle for a long time. Hardly a subject for a wedding cake topper.

Okay, now despite that Frozen was inspired by the Snow Queen story. The tale is about a magical ice queen who abducts a child and keeps him in her castle for a long time. Hardly a subject for a wedding cake topper.

32. Seems like he either did something wrong or she made love like a praying mantis.

Okay, now this headless groom topper would be great for a divorce cake. But a wedding cake, c'mon, it's disturbing. Seriously, the bride looks like as if she's a new black widow than a new wife.

Okay, now this headless groom topper would be great for a divorce cake. But a wedding cake, c’mon, it’s disturbing. Seriously, the bride looks like as if she’s a new black widow than a new wife.

33. The family who stays together plays video games together.

And it seems that the bride is beating the groom every time. Hmmm..maybe the woman he married wasn't as bad in video games as he thought.

And it seems that the bride is beating the groom every time. Hmmm..maybe the woman he married wasn’t as bad in video games as he thought.

34. Marriage is tying your beloved to a chair and threatening to cutting them up with a chainsaw.

Okay, who in the hell would want a wedding cake topper like this? This is utterly like something you'd see from your worst nightmares. Not on a wedding cake.

Okay, who in the hell would want a wedding cake topper like this? This is utterly like something you’d see from your worst nightmares. Not on a wedding cake.

35. In the Lovecraftian universe, a Cthulhu wedding cake topper guarantees that you don’t have to orchestrate total global annihilation alone.

Of course, Cthulhu and his bride are basically evil Eldritch Abominations who wish to destroy the earth in oblivion. Not something you'd want to put on a wedding cake. But, hey, don't judge me.

Of course, Cthulhu and his bride are basically evil Eldritch Abominations who wish to destroy the earth in oblivion. Not something you’d want to put on a wedding cake. But, hey, don’t judge me.

36. Nothing makes a great wedding cake than having it topped by two figures from Halo.

I guess the bride is the pink one. How could I have thought of that pray tell. Still, wonder how they'll manage when, "you may kiss the bride," are heard.

I guess the bride is the pink one. How could I have thought of that pray tell. Still, wonder how they’ll manage when, “you may kiss the bride,” are heard.

37. Seems like these two aren’t having a good start.

Now this isn't a good way to start a marriage. Once again, seems more appropriate for a divorce cake.

Now this isn’t a good way to start a marriage. Appears that these two are so mad that they’re giving each other the silent treatment. Once again, seems more appropriate for a divorce cake.

38. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you Batman and Robin.”

Of course, if you're thinking about the 1960s series, Batman and Robin's sexuality comes as no surprise. Still, I don't classify Batman as relationship material, since he really needs to see a therapist.

Of course, if you’re thinking about the 1960s series, Batman and Robin’s sexuality comes as no surprise. Still, I don’t classify Batman as relationship material, since he really needs to see a therapist.

39. The couple who stays together gets drunk together.

Actually alcoholics make terrible marriage partners, even to each other. Couples who drink together don't really stay together unless they go to rehab to get sober together. Seriously, marrying an alcoholic will certainly increase your chances of divorce.

Actually alcoholics make terrible marriage partners, even to each other. Couples who drink together don’t really stay together unless they go to rehab to get sober together. Seriously, marrying an alcoholic will certainly increase your chances of divorce.

40. For the couple who enjoys the James Bond movies, this wedding cake topper is for you.

Seems more like Mr. and Mrs. Smith to me. And let's just say, it seemed like a marriage between two assassins trying to kill each other. Thus, more like a match made in hell.

Seems more like Mr. and Mrs. Smith to me. And let’s just say, it seemed like a marriage between two assassins trying to kill each other. Thus, more like a match made in hell.

41. “No way to run princess, you’re coming with me.”

Seems like the guy is more anxious to get married than the bride is. Then again, the bride probably wants to frolic in the open countryside and smell the flowers.

Seems like the guy is more anxious to get married than the bride is. Then again, the bride probably wants to frolic in the open countryside and smell the flowers.

42. When getting a girl, try to lure her with something shiny and she’ll fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

I'm sure she'll probably be in it for the jewelry. Of course, she's not picky about the diamond size. But that doesn't prevent her from being suspected as a gold digger.

I’m sure she’ll probably be in it for the jewelry. Of course, she’s not picky about the diamond size. But that doesn’t prevent her from being suspected as a gold digger.

43. “Can’t talk, honey, I’m running late for my golf game.”

Then again, at least I can be confident isn't built like a gorgeous Swedish model and the groom doesn't look anything like Tiger Woods. Still, I'm sure things between them are fine.

Then again, at least I can be confident isn’t built like a gorgeous Swedish model and the groom doesn’t look anything like Tiger Woods. Still, I’m sure things between them are fine.

44. Here comes the bride….oh, wait, she’s still shopping.

Hope she makes it back in time to get married. I'd hate to see her keeping her groom hanging like that. Seriously, no woman in her right mind would want to shop on her wedding day.

Hope she makes it back in time to get married. I’d hate to see her keeping her groom hanging like that. Seriously, no woman in her right mind would want to shop on her wedding day.

45. It’s the bride at the bat with her groom pitching toward home plate.

Seems like the groom is in very close proximity. Hope the bride doesn't hit a fast ball. I'm sure it wouldn't look good for the groom.

Seems like the groom is in very close proximity. Hope the bride doesn’t hit a fast ball. I’m sure it wouldn’t look good for the groom.

46. Nothing makes a wedding cake better than a topper of the bride and groom on cell phones barely paying any attention to one another.

I'm not sure if these two are supposed to be talking to each other. However, it certainly doesn't look like it. Seriously, unless one of you has a relative in the hospital, cell phones should be off at all times during weddings.

I’m not sure if these two are supposed to be talking to each other. However, it certainly doesn’t look like it. Seriously, unless one of you has a relative in the hospital, cell phones should be off at all times during weddings.

47. For horse lovers, nothing makes a better wedding cake topper than one of horses entwined together.

Now it's one thing to have horses on your wedding cake, especially if you're both horse lovers. But entwined horses, that's just pushing the envelope into tacky if you ask me.

Now it’s one thing to have horses on your wedding cake, especially if you’re both horse lovers. But entwined horses, that’s just pushing the envelope into tacky if you ask me.

48. “Remember, Barry, chapel first, hunting lodge later.”

And it seems like the bride has the shotgun in hand to make sure her groom complies. Seriously, this is kind of crazy. Then again, the sign did state, "No Hunting."

And it seems like the bride has the shotgun in hand to make sure her groom complies. Seriously, this is kind of crazy. Then again, the sign did state, “No Hunting.”

49. Seems like these two are nuzzling up like a couple of earthworms.

Earthworms on a wedding cake topper? Seriously? I mean they're slimy ground dwelling creatures for God's sake. There's nothing cute about them whatsoever.

Earthworms on a wedding cake topper? Seriously? I mean they’re slimy ground dwelling creatures for God’s sake. There’s nothing cute about them whatsoever.

50. “May you two be mounted together in the sacred bond of holy matrimony.”

Now having mounted deer on a wedding cake. That's just, well, tacky to say the least. Still, these two seemed to be together whether they like it or not. Nevertheless, the antler rings are in poor taste.

Now having mounted deer on a wedding cake. That’s just, well, tacky to say the least. Still, these two seemed to be together whether they like it or not. Nevertheless, the antler rings are in poor taste.

51. This NASCAR wedding cake topper will ensure your way to the finish line.

Of course, this would've been a perfectly nice wedding cake topper if it didn't have the checkered flags on it. Yeah, that just looks tacky to say the least. Perhaps they should cover the bride and groom with corporate sponsor logos, too.

Of course, this would’ve been a perfectly nice wedding cake topper if it didn’t have the checkered flags on it. Yeah, that just looks tacky to say the least. Perhaps they should cover the bride and groom with corporate sponsor logos, too.

52. Nothing makes a wedding cake better than a topper consisting of pigs with wings.

I'll highly recommend this topper to any couple about to get married....when pigs fly. Seriously, this almost make tacky flamingo lawn ornaments look like the Venus de Milo.

I’ll highly recommend this topper to any couple about to get married….when pigs fly. Seriously, this almost make tacky flamingo lawn ornaments look like the Venus de Milo.

53. Nothing says true love like a wedding cake topper of two disembodied hands joined together as one.

Now unlike some of the creepier cake toppers, this one is supposed to elicit heartwarming feelings. However, it's just plain creepy and terrifying.

Now unlike some of the creepier cake toppers, this one is supposed to elicit heartwarming feelings. However, it’s just plain creepy and terrifying.

54. For the die hard motorcycle fans, this wedding cake topper is one you can’t miss.

Now a motorcycle wedding cake topper is one thing. But one in a field of lace? Now that's in poor taste. Just because lace is pretty and Harleys seem badass, doesn't mean that the two should go together.

Now a motorcycle wedding cake topper is one thing. But one in a field of lace? Now that’s in poor taste. Just because lace is pretty and Harleys seem badass, doesn’t mean that the two should go together.

55. Nothing makes a circus themed wedding more festive than wedding cake toppers like these clowns.

Now I'm not sure why anyone would want a circus themed wedding. Still, this clown couple is pretty much the epitome of tacky. You're better off with a topper of Cirque du Soleil.

Now I’m not sure why anyone would want a circus themed wedding. Still, this clown couple is pretty much the epitome of tacky. You’re better off with a topper of Cirque du Soleil.

56. Nothing says “I love you” like a cute deer who’s about to get himself shot on your wedding cake.

Like how the groom is dressed up like Davy Crockett in a suit. Yeah, really seems like he's going to bring home a buck. Hope it has 3 or more points or else it ain't legal to shoot.

Like how the groom is dressed up like Davy Crockett in a suit. Yeah, really seems like he’s going to bring home a buck. Hope it has 3 or more points or else it ain’t legal to shoot.

57. As the old saying, marriage is the old ball and chain.

Seems like this bride is going to have her groom locked to the ball for awhile. And he doesn't seem to be too happy about it. Now I know this is from an old saying. But still, there are plenty of men around who want to get married.

Seems like this bride is going to have her groom locked to the ball for awhile. And he doesn’t seem to be too happy about it. Now I know this is from an old saying. But still, there are plenty of men around who want to get married.

58. Newlyweds are supposed to be happy as a couple of pigs in the lilacs.

Now this would make a perfectly good wedding cake topper, if it weren't for the pigs in it. Seriously, why put pigs on a wedding cake? They're  not cuddly creatures.

Now this would make a perfectly good wedding cake topper, if it weren’t for the pigs in it. Seriously, why put pigs on a wedding cake? They’re not cuddly creatures.

59. “I’ll get you to the altar, even if I have to drag you myself with my bare hands.

Okay, this sort of looks like in a movie when the bad guy captures the princess as he drags her into his lair with a creepy smile. Yeah, not a good scenario here.

Okay, this sort of looks like in a movie when the bad guy captures the princess as he drags her into his lair with a creepy smile. Yeah, not a good scenario here.

60. For those who think the zombie and skeleton wedding cake toppers weren’t creepy enough, this one is for you.

Now this is downright terrifying. Can't imagine what kind of couple having this on their wedding cake would actually look like. Then again, maybe I could and just don't want to imagine it.

Now this is downright terrifying. Can’t imagine what kind of couple having this on their wedding cake would actually look like. Then again, maybe I could and just don’t want to imagine it.

61. “I now pronounce you Bigfoot and the Abominable Snowman.”

Now while we can agree sasquatches and yetis tend to look similar, I'm not sure if they'd be able to get together. I mean one's in the Pacific Northwest while the other's in the Himalayas. So it's all a matter of geography.

Now while we can agree sasquatches and yetis tend to look similar, I’m not sure if they’d be able to get together. I mean one’s in the Pacific Northwest while the other’s in the Himalayas. So it’s all a matter of geography.

62. Seems like someone really likes to shop at the best retailers. I wonder who.

Now I hope she's not just marrying the poor guy for the money here. Because all that merchandise she has with her doesn't look cheap to me.

Now I hope she’s not just marrying the poor guy for the money here. Because all that merchandise she has with her doesn’t look cheap to me.

63. May you love, honor, cherish, and stand your ground.

Just when you think you've seen enough wedding cake toppers with guns on them, they come out with another one. Now I get that a lot of people like guns but still hate to put my politics in this, but guns kill people. It's their purpose. And you wonder why we can't get gun control.

Just when you think you’ve seen enough wedding cake toppers with guns on them, they come out with another one. Now I get that a lot of people like guns but still hate to put my politics in this, but guns kill people. It’s their purpose. And you wonder why we can’t get gun control.

64. Seems like it’s all downhill from here.

I'm not sure skiing down from a multi-tiered wedding cake is going to be good for these figurines. Perhaps this couple is going on a ski resort for their honeymoon.

I’m not sure skiing down from a multi-tiered wedding cake is going to be good for these figurines. Perhaps this couple is going on a ski resort for their honeymoon.

65. “I now pronounce you Optimus Prime and Megantron.”

Hmmm....didn't know they had a pink Transformer. Then again, robots don't have gender anyway. Still, a few explosions and it would be like the live action Michael Bay series that keeps making money despite not having plot.

Hmmm….didn’t know they had a pink Transformer. Then again, robots don’t have gender anyway. Still, a few explosions and it would be like the live action Michael Bay series that keeps making money despite not having plot.

66. “You may spank the bride.”

This could easily be a wedding cake topper of a tuxedoed guy and a stripper, not to be stereotypical. The bridal outfit could just be a costume.

This could easily be a wedding cake topper of a tuxedoed guy and a stripper, not to be stereotypical. The bridal outfit could just be a costume.

67. When it comes to marriage, a lot of times it’s just give or take.

Unfortunately, this guy seems to treat his gold digging bride as if she was a stripper at some nightclub in Las Vegas. Seriously, this is a terrible piece for a wedding cake? What kind of couple would want this?

Unfortunately, this guy seems to treat his gold digging bride as if she was a stripper at some nightclub in Las Vegas. Seriously, this is a terrible piece for a wedding cake? What kind of couple would want this?

68. Of course, since a lot of people like bacon, it’s only fitting that I show a bacon wedding cake topper.

Of course, having bacon topped on your wedding cake really emphasizes the "till death do we part" construct. And by, "death" I mean cardiovascular disease.

Of course, having bacon topped on your wedding cake really emphasizes the “till death do we part” construct. And by, “death” I mean cardiovascular disease.

69. When it comes to weddings, some couples can’t keep their hands off each other.

Seems like this couple were among those who saved sex until marriage and they just want to get it on the first chance they get. Save it for the honeymoon, kids.

Seems like this couple were among those who saved sex until marriage and they just want to get it on the first chance they get. Save it for the honeymoon, kids.

70. Seems like this groom is running the ball with the wife on his back.

I'm sure running the ball with a bride on your back is hard, especially with a bunch of guys from the other team going after you. Then again, maybe that's why the bride is on his back. True teamwork spirit, man.

I’m sure running the ball with a bride on your back is hard, especially with a bunch of guys from the other team going after you. Then again, maybe that’s why the bride is on his back. True teamwork spirit, man.

71. For a western wedding theme, go with a wedding cake topper of horses.

I don't know about you, but the top part seems to be made from cheap plastic crap from China. I think it would've been fine with just the flowers. Seriously, why?

I don’t know about you, but the top part seems to be made from cheap plastic crap from China. I think it would’ve been fine with just the flowers. Seriously, why?

72. For many, marriage means being happily handcuffed together for life.

Seems to me that the bride is an undercover cop as I see with the hidden gun in the holster. And the groom is the crook. Either way, this wedding cake topper looks very sleazy to say the least.

Seems to me that the bride is an undercover cop as I see with the hidden gun in the holster. And the groom is the crook. Either way, this wedding cake topper looks very sleazy to say the least.

73. No wedding cake topper emphasizes your love for the great outdoors than one depicting a couple of moose.

At least the female of the pair is depicted right in this topper. Not like in the nativity scene set in which every adult figure has antlers, including the Virgin Mary.

At least the female of the pair is depicted right in this topper. Not like in the nativity scene set in which every adult figure has antlers, including the Virgin Mary. Yeah.

74. Sick of figurines, how about top your wedding cake off with a sparkly crown?

Seriously, a crown for a wedding cake? For God's sake shouldn't the bride be a princess for the day?  Also, why does this even exist?

Seriously, a crown for a wedding cake? For God’s sake shouldn’t the bride be a princess for the day? Also, why does this even exist?

75. Understand that relationships are all about faith and trust, which you two will definitely need when fighting off the zombie apocalypse.

I'm sure your wedding sucked if you spent the reception basically killing off zombie wedding guests. I mean weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. A zombie plague at the reception isn't.

I’m sure your wedding sucked if you spent the reception basically killing off zombie wedding guests. I mean weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. A zombie plague at the reception isn’t.

76. Sorry, buddy, but you will be hers and she will make you one of them.

Of course, there's a popular notion that certain men don't want to get married. However, I think when it comes to zombie brides, this guy seems to have a valid excuse. Seriously, nobody wants to be eaten or catch zombie plague.

Of course, there’s a popular notion that certain men don’t want to get married. However, I think when it comes to zombie brides, this guy seems to have a valid excuse. Seriously, nobody wants to be eaten or catch zombie plague.

77. Seems like these two got themselves a bridegroom.

Of course, if the bride wasn't so anxious to get to the altar, who knows what would've happened to him. Because I'd sure wouldn't want to leave him alone with the bipedal buck packing heat.

Of course, if the bride wasn’t so anxious to get to the altar, who knows what would’ve happened to him. Because I’d sure wouldn’t want to leave him alone with the bipedal buck packing heat.

78. Seems like she’s the one wearing the pants in the relationship, literally.

Now I'm sure the groom is quite embarrassed to be seen without his trousers. Still, this is in pretty poor taste if you think about it.

Now I’m sure the groom is quite embarrassed to be seen without his trousers. Still, this is in pretty poor taste if you think about it.

79. Now this bride has managed to catch a fish and her man.

I'm sure the big one didn't get away this time, but I'm not sure which one it is. Still, not sure if it makes a great wedding cake topper.

I’m sure the big one didn’t get away this time, but I’m not sure which one it is. Still, not sure if it makes a great wedding cake topper.

80. “Get your drunken ass off the floor for we’re going to the chapel.

Now if one of you is found drinking with beer cans on the day of your wedding, I think you should really reconsider going through with it. Seriously, alcoholics make terrible spouses and calling it off may be a waste of money now but it will save you a lot of potential divorce costs in the long run.

Now if one of you is found drinking with beer cans on the day of your wedding, I think you should really reconsider going through with it. Seriously, alcoholics make terrible spouses and calling it off may be a waste of money now but it will save you a lot of potential divorce costs in the long run.

Congratulations on Your Graduation Cake!

graduation-blue-bow-lg

While prom is a season many high schoolers look forward to in the spring, afterwards May and June are graduation season. It is a time when high school and college seniors among others gather around to finish their education with a ceremonious commencement ceremony in their cap and gowns before they embark on a hellish world of the job market and adulthood (save for those about to embark college). Sure you may have to say goodbye to friends, many of which you’ll never see again, but I’m sure your degree will guarantee you independence as well as an incentive to pay your student loans, right? Now we all know how graduation ceremonies are marked with speakers, “Pomp and Circumstance,” speeches, and all that. Of course, in families with a new graduate, this rite of passage is marked by a celebration with a cake, if you live in America. Now I can go on and on about nice graduation cakes, but many of you will think it boring. So instead I’ll give you cakes possibly decorated by someone who flunked out of cake decorating school. Yes, you’d wonder about the education these makers received to decorate cakes like this. So without further adieu, here are a collection of graduation confections gone catastrophic.

1. I bet Ashley from 2009 was either a chemistry or biology major. Congrads!

I hope she enjoys her cake with urine/beer on it. Either way, someone is going to get pissed. Also, I really don't want to know what's in the test tube.

I hope she enjoys her cake with urine/beer on it. Either way, someone is going to get pissed. Also, I really don’t want to know what’s in the test tube.

2. Congratulations, Ryan, for stopping on being a disappointment. Now was it that hard?

I have to wonder what kind of relationship Ryan has with his parents. Of course, his folks will probably be disappointed in him once more when he fails to get a job other than as a waiter at Red Lobster.

I have to wonder what kind of relationship Ryan has with his parents. Of course, his folks will probably be disappointed in him once more when he fails to get a job other than as a waiter at Red Lobster.

3. Congratulations on your MBA, Desiree, from the guy on the Dummies books.

Well, I'm sure these Dummies books aren't that bad. However, I'm not sure if I want to have a graduation cake of one. Might have unfortunate implications.

Well, I’m sure these Dummies books aren’t that bad. However, I’m not sure if I want to have a graduation cake of one. Might have unfortunate implications.

4. Congratulations, on completing your nursing degree, Nicole. Stick it to ’em, girl!

Of course, when it comes to sticking thermometers in rear ends, this is pretty mild in comparison. Still, I wonder what kind of cakes they had for her brothers, an ob/gyn and a urologist respectively.

Of course, when it comes to sticking thermometers in rear ends, this is pretty mild in comparison to what real nurses have to deal with in the hospital. Still, I wonder what my nursing school cousin would think about this.

5. Congratulations, Tiffany, Class of 2009. Here’s an ipod cake with an Eminem album.

Now while I have no problem with Eminem, this album really makes this graduation cake rather depressing. It's as if Tiffany's future is going to be rather bleak and depressing.

Now while I have no problem with Eminem, this album really makes this graduation cake rather depressing. It’s as if Tiffany’s future is going to be rather bleak and depressing.

6. “The tossel was worn with the hostle!” What?

While Abby may be a graduate, the cake decorator's strong suit certainly wasn't in spelling, reading, or English. Seriously, this is bound to give English teachers nightmares.

While Abby may be a graduate, the cake decorator’s strong suit certainly wasn’t in spelling, reading, or English. Seriously, this is bound to give English teachers nightmares.

7. Congratulations, valid Victorian!

From Cake Wrecks: "Prithee, lord Westerbunkle, wouldst thou care for a celebratory spot of Earl Grey?" Yeah, this is the kind of graduation cake for someone who loves Steampunk.

From Cake Wrecks: “Prithee, lord Westerbunkle, wouldst thou care for a celebratory spot of Earl Grey?” Yeah, this is the kind of graduation cake for someone who loves Steampunk.

8. When it comes to putting initials on graduation cakes, you might want to wonder if they have any unfortunate context.

When I see KKK, I think about white supremacy, racism, lynching, scary white robes, Birth of a Nation, cross burnings, and racially motivated terrorism. Not, "Good Luck!," "Live, Laugh, and Love," "Dream Big," and "We are so Proud!" Seriously, why?

When I see KKK, I think about white supremacy, racism, lynching, scary white robes, Birth of a Nation, cross burnings, and racially motivated terrorism. Not, “Good Luck!,” “Live, Laugh, and Love,” “Dream Big,” and “We are so Proud!” Seriously, why?

9. Congratulations on your graduation, here is your cap and…..diploma. Wait a minute, is that a severed finger?

Seriously, the diploma looks as like a severed finger with a ribbon tied on it. Apparently, someone is very bad at drawing a scroll or forgot to put a swirl on the top just so it doesn't horrify us.

Seriously, the diploma looks as like a severed finger with a ribbon tied on it. Apparently, someone is very bad at drawing a scroll or forgot to put a swirl on the top just so it doesn’t horrify us.

10. Congratulations, but just the fax, ma’am.

Interesting how some decorators tend to inscribe their cakes with everything they seem to hear on the phone. Seriously, I wonder what the graduate would think seeing this on a cake for their party.

Interesting how some decorators tend to inscribe their cakes with everything they seem to hear on the phone. Seriously, I wonder what the graduate would think seeing this on a cake for their party.

11. Congratulations, class of 2012, hope some ass doesn’t try to piss you off.

From Cake Wrecks: "In 2012 bakers broadened their horizons by combining the fine art of Dali-esque surrealism with a post-modern monochromatic aesthetic: I call it, "Tar Donkey Butt-Peeing."" Seriously, it really does look like that.

From Cake Wrecks: “In 2012 bakers broadened their horizons by combining the fine art of Dali-esque surrealism with a post-modern monochromatic aesthetic: I call it, “Tar Donkey Butt-Peeing.”” Seriously, it really does look like that.

12. Hats off, class of 2009!

I didn't know that grad caps came with ear flaps. Since I didn't have grad caps that came with those back in 2008 or 2012. Must be a Canadian thing.

I didn’t know that grad caps came with ear flaps. Since I didn’t have grad caps that came with those back in 2008 or 2012. Must be a Canadian thing.

13. Congratulations, Olivia. Hope you passed with flying colors.

I sure don't want to know what this unicorn passed with flying colors. Looks like the rainbow is coming out of its rear end, which makes a rather disgusting connection between rainbows and unicorns.

I sure don’t want to know what this unicorn passed with flying colors. Looks like the rainbow is coming out of its rear end, which makes a rather disgusting connection between rainbows and unicorns.

14. Congratulations, Chris, have a Crown Royal!

Just make sure you're not posting any drunk photos on Facebook. Because employers do check your social network pages. And posting wasted pictures can deny you a job.

Just make sure you’re not posting any drunk photos on Facebook. Because employers do check your social network pages. And posting wasted pictures can deny you a job.

15. Congratulations, and let’s hope the zombie apocalypse isn’t coming any time soon.

Yeah, your brain is worth $30,000. Your college education would be a waste if zombies ate you or went after you for your brains.

Yeah, your brain is worth $30,000. Your college education would be a waste if zombies ate you or went after you for your brains.

16. Congratulations, from the Cthulhu School of Necronomic Evil, Oblivion, and World Domination.

Yeah, I'm sure little children won't get the reference on this cake. Still, not sure if it's appropriate for graduation.

Yeah, I’m sure little children won’t get the reference on this cake. Still, not sure if it’s appropriate for graduation.

17. Congratulations, have a cold one.

Now I have to admire how they used Bud Light beer cans and ice for this cake as a cooler. Still, let's hope it's for college graduation, please.

Now I have to admire how they used Bud Light beer cans and ice for this cake as a cooler. Still, let’s hope it’s for college graduation, please.

18. Congratulations on your graduation, Mr. Jason Tibbles!

Sure this is a graduation cake with LOLcats, but still, it's quite funny having a cat picture on a graduation cake. Nevertheless, I hope Mr. Tibbles didn't overdo on the catnip with his Alpha Theta Meow fraternity brothers.

Sure this is a graduation cake with LOLcats, but still, it’s quite funny having a cat picture on a graduation cake. Nevertheless, I hope Mr. Tibbles didn’t overdo on the catnip with his Alpha Theta Meow fraternity brothers.

19. Congratulations, Christina in the banner. Wait, what?

I'm sure this is another cake decorator who takes things too literally. Also, probably sucked at reading comprehension, listening, and following directions.

I’m sure this is another cake decorator who takes things too literally. Also, probably sucked at reading comprehension, listening, and following directions.

20. Congratulations, class of 2009 from frog licking traffic sign.

Yes, it's supposed to be a graduation cap. But it looks like a sign you'd see on the Interstate during roadwork season after school is out. At least if you live in Pennsylvania.

Yes, it’s supposed to be a graduation cap. But it looks like a sign you’d see on the Interstate during roadwork season followed by a group of guys from PennDOT. At least if you live in Pennsylvania.

21. In higher education, time loses all meaning.

Either that, or having a cake with word salad this bad probably means that the decorator at Wal Mart should be fired.

Either that, or having a cake with word salad this bad probably means that the decorator at Wal Mart should be fired.

22. Congratulations, Crystal. By the way, use protection. Just an FYI.

Yeah, the tassel looks like a piece of litter, I'd see at the cemetery where I live. Assuming that some people think cemeteries are great spots Sunday afternoon tryst.

Yeah, the tassel looks like a piece of litter, I’d see at the cemetery where I live. Assuming that some people think cemeteries are great spots Sunday afternoon tryst.

23. Class of 2007, rocks! Fireworks explosion.

Apparently, this decorator either couldn't draw fireworks with icing, or just took the directions too literally. Thus, adding lameness to a cake that could've been awesome.

Apparently, this decorator either couldn’t draw fireworks with icing, or just took the directions too literally. Thus, adding lameness to a cake that could’ve been awesome.

24. Congratulations, Torianne on your graduation. Great Gatsby!

Seriously, I'm not sure The Great Gatsby is the kind of book you put on a graduation cake. Seriously, it's a book about a guy who changes his whole identity and gets rich through bootlegging so he could win the heart of his ex-girlfriend who's already married with a kid. Also, decorator failed to follow directions.

Seriously, I’m not sure The Great Gatsby is the kind of book you put on a graduation cake. Seriously, it’s a book about a guy who changes his whole identity and gets rich through bootlegging so he could win the heart of his ex-girlfriend who’s already married with a kid. Also, decorator failed to follow directions.

25. Class of 2008: I want sprinkles!

Yeah, seems like another decorator flunked reading comprehension, listening, and following directions. I think this person wanted sprinkles on a cake, not the words, "I want sprinkles!"

Yeah, seems like another decorator flunked reading comprehension, listening, and following directions. I think this person wanted sprinkles on a cake, not the words, “I want sprinkles!”

26. Congratulations, on graduating medical school! Well, job done, Dr. Huskins!

Seems like this cake decorator has no understanding of English or that Yoda took a side job as a commercial cake decorator at Wal Mart.

Seems like this cake decorator has no understanding of English or that Yoda took a side job as a commercial cake decorator at Wal Mart.

27. Happy graduation day, from the evil blonde girl in the cap and gown.

Of course, she probably has a job lined up for her at her dad's company, no doubt. Still, this girl seems like she's hiding something sinister under her robes.

Of course, she probably has a job lined up for her at her dad’s company, no doubt. Still, this girl seems like she’s hiding something sinister under her robes.

28. Congrats, John ’08. Oh, no, that ain’t right.

Seems like the graduate is doing a really terrible thing to the school mascot. Now if I had cake like this at my grad party, let's say it wouldn't go well with my relatives with young children.

Seems like the graduate is doing a really terrible thing to the school mascot. Now if I had cake like this at my grad party, let’s say it wouldn’t go well with my relatives with young children.

29. Finally! Congratulations, Becky! Kick Ass!

Seriously, you'd think Becky's parents would have a less creepy photo of her from her childhood. Guess I was wrong. I mean this little girl in make up seems absolutely terrifying to me.

Seriously, you’d think Becky’s parents would have a less creepy photo of her from her childhood. Guess I was wrong. I mean this little girl in make up seems absolutely terrifying to me.

30. Congratulations! Wait, that’s supposed to be a cap, right?

To me, they resemble 2 overlapping boxes with a string on the top one. Guess this decorator seemed to fail art class in school.

To me, they resemble 2 overlapping boxes with a string on the top one. Guess this decorator seemed to fail art class in school.

31. Congratulations on your graduation from mortuary school, Jenny.

Sure a hearse cake might be appropriate for someone who graduated from a mortuary school and plans on being a funeral director. But it's still kind of disturbing.

Sure a hearse cake might be appropriate for someone who graduated from a mortuary school and plans on being a funeral director. But it’s still kind of disturbing.

32. Congratulations, from the pointed pencil.

For how yellow this pencil is, you'd almost mistake it for a banana. And you know what that means.

For how yellow this pencil is, you’d almost mistake it for a banana. Still, if it weren’t for the point, I would’ve mistook it for something else and let’s leave it at that.

33. Congratulations, Holly and Hannah from 2 cherries projectile vomiting on a picnic table.