While prom is a season many high schoolers look forward to in the spring, afterwards May and June are graduation season. It is a time when high school and college seniors among others gather around to finish their education with a ceremonious commencement ceremony in their cap and gowns before they embark on a hellish world of the job market and adulthood (save for those about to embark college). Sure you may have to say goodbye to friends, many of which you’ll never see again, but I’m sure your degree will guarantee you independence as well as an incentive to pay your student loans, right? Now we all know how graduation ceremonies are marked with speakers, “Pomp and Circumstance,” speeches, and all that. Of course, in families with a new graduate, this rite of passage is marked by a celebration with a cake, if you live in America. Now I can go on and on about nice graduation cakes, but many of you will think it boring. So instead I’ll give you cakes possibly decorated by someone who flunked out of cake decorating school. Yes, you’d wonder about the education these makers received to decorate cakes like this. So without further adieu, here are a collection of graduation confections gone catastrophic.
1. I bet Ashley from 2009 was either a chemistry or biology major. Congrads!
I hope she enjoys her cake with urine/beer on it. Either way, someone is going to get pissed. Also, I really don’t want to know what’s in the test tube.
2. Congratulations, Ryan, for stopping on being a disappointment. Now was it that hard?
I have to wonder what kind of relationship Ryan has with his parents. Of course, his folks will probably be disappointed in him once more when he fails to get a job other than as a waiter at Red Lobster.
3. Congratulations on your MBA, Desiree, from the guy on the Dummies books.
Well, I’m sure these Dummies books aren’t that bad. However, I’m not sure if I want to have a graduation cake of one. Might have unfortunate implications.
4. Congratulations, on completing your nursing degree, Nicole. Stick it to ’em, girl!
Of course, when it comes to sticking thermometers in rear ends, this is pretty mild in comparison to what real nurses have to deal with in the hospital. Still, I wonder what my nursing school cousin would think about this.
5. Congratulations, Tiffany, Class of 2009. Here’s an ipod cake with an Eminem album.
Now while I have no problem with Eminem, this album really makes this graduation cake rather depressing. It’s as if Tiffany’s future is going to be rather bleak and depressing.
6. “The tossel was worn with the hostle!” What?
While Abby may be a graduate, the cake decorator’s strong suit certainly wasn’t in spelling, reading, or English. Seriously, this is bound to give English teachers nightmares.
7. Congratulations, valid Victorian!
From Cake Wrecks: “Prithee, lord Westerbunkle, wouldst thou care for a celebratory spot of Earl Grey?” Yeah, this is the kind of graduation cake for someone who loves Steampunk.
8. When it comes to putting initials on graduation cakes, you might want to wonder if they have any unfortunate context.
When I see KKK, I think about white supremacy, racism, lynching, scary white robes, Birth of a Nation, cross burnings, and racially motivated terrorism. Not, “Good Luck!,” “Live, Laugh, and Love,” “Dream Big,” and “We are so Proud!” Seriously, why?
9. Congratulations on your graduation, here is your cap and…..diploma. Wait a minute, is that a severed finger?
Seriously, the diploma looks as like a severed finger with a ribbon tied on it. Apparently, someone is very bad at drawing a scroll or forgot to put a swirl on the top just so it doesn’t horrify us.
10. Congratulations, but just the fax, ma’am.
Interesting how some decorators tend to inscribe their cakes with everything they seem to hear on the phone. Seriously, I wonder what the graduate would think seeing this on a cake for their party.
11. Congratulations, class of 2012, hope some ass doesn’t try to piss you off.
From Cake Wrecks: “In 2012 bakers broadened their horizons by combining the fine art of Dali-esque surrealism with a post-modern monochromatic aesthetic: I call it, “Tar Donkey Butt-Peeing.”” Seriously, it really does look like that.
12. Hats off, class of 2009!
I didn’t know that grad caps came with ear flaps. Since I didn’t have grad caps that came with those back in 2008 or 2012. Must be a Canadian thing.
13. Congratulations, Olivia. Hope you passed with flying colors.
I sure don’t want to know what this unicorn passed with flying colors. Looks like the rainbow is coming out of its rear end, which makes a rather disgusting connection between rainbows and unicorns.
14. Congratulations, Chris, have a Crown Royal!
Just make sure you’re not posting any drunk photos on Facebook. Because employers do check your social network pages. And posting wasted pictures can deny you a job.
15. Congratulations, and let’s hope the zombie apocalypse isn’t coming any time soon.
Yeah, your brain is worth $30,000. Your college education would be a waste if zombies ate you or went after you for your brains.
16. Congratulations, from the Cthulhu School of Necronomic Evil, Oblivion, and World Domination.
Yeah, I’m sure little children won’t get the reference on this cake. Still, not sure if it’s appropriate for graduation.
17. Congratulations, have a cold one.
Now I have to admire how they used Bud Light beer cans and ice for this cake as a cooler. Still, let’s hope it’s for college graduation, please.
18. Congratulations on your graduation, Mr. Jason Tibbles!
Sure this is a graduation cake with LOLcats, but still, it’s quite funny having a cat picture on a graduation cake. Nevertheless, I hope Mr. Tibbles didn’t overdo on the catnip with his Alpha Theta Meow fraternity brothers.
19. Congratulations, Christina in the banner. Wait, what?
I’m sure this is another cake decorator who takes things too literally. Also, probably sucked at reading comprehension, listening, and following directions.
20. Congratulations, class of 2009 from frog licking traffic sign.
Yes, it’s supposed to be a graduation cap. But it looks like a sign you’d see on the Interstate during roadwork season followed by a group of guys from PennDOT. At least if you live in Pennsylvania.
21. In higher education, time loses all meaning.
Either that, or having a cake with word salad this bad probably means that the decorator at Wal Mart should be fired.
22. Congratulations, Crystal. By the way, use protection. Just an FYI.
Yeah, the tassel looks like a piece of litter, I’d see at the cemetery where I live. Assuming that some people think cemeteries are great spots Sunday afternoon tryst.
23. Class of 2007, rocks! Fireworks explosion.
Apparently, this decorator either couldn’t draw fireworks with icing, or just took the directions too literally. Thus, adding lameness to a cake that could’ve been awesome.
24. Congratulations, Torianne on your graduation. Great Gatsby!
Seriously, I’m not sure The Great Gatsby is the kind of book you put on a graduation cake. Seriously, it’s a book about a guy who changes his whole identity and gets rich through bootlegging so he could win the heart of his ex-girlfriend who’s already married with a kid. Also, decorator failed to follow directions.
25. Class of 2008: I want sprinkles!
Yeah, seems like another decorator flunked reading comprehension, listening, and following directions. I think this person wanted sprinkles on a cake, not the words, “I want sprinkles!”
26. Congratulations, on graduating medical school! Well, job done, Dr. Huskins!
Seems like this cake decorator has no understanding of English or that Yoda took a side job as a commercial cake decorator at Wal Mart.
27. Happy graduation day, from the evil blonde girl in the cap and gown.
Of course, she probably has a job lined up for her at her dad’s company, no doubt. Still, this girl seems like she’s hiding something sinister under her robes.
28. Congrats, John ’08. Oh, no, that ain’t right.
Seems like the graduate is doing a really terrible thing to the school mascot. Now if I had cake like this at my grad party, let’s say it wouldn’t go well with my relatives with young children.
29. Finally! Congratulations, Becky! Kick Ass!
Seriously, you’d think Becky’s parents would have a less creepy photo of her from her childhood. Guess I was wrong. I mean this little girl in make up seems absolutely terrifying to me.
30. Congratulations! Wait, that’s supposed to be a cap, right?
To me, they resemble 2 overlapping boxes with a string on the top one. Guess this decorator seemed to fail art class in school.
31. Congratulations on your graduation from mortuary school, Jenny.
Sure a hearse cake might be appropriate for someone who graduated from a mortuary school and plans on being a funeral director. But it’s still kind of disturbing.
32. Congratulations, from the pointed pencil.
For how yellow this pencil is, you’d almost mistake it for a banana. Still, if it weren’t for the point, I would’ve mistook it for something else and let’s leave it at that.
33. Congratulations, Holly and Hannah from 2 cherries projectile vomiting on a picnic table.
Now that certainly doesn’t look like a graduation cap to me. Besides, I need an old cherry pitter and a young cherry pitter, please.
34. Congratulations, graduate and don’t forget your hood.
Either this person got graduation cap and hood mixed up or is a Star Wars fan. Well, I’m sure Galactic Senate guards have graduation ceremonies, too.
35. Here’s to you Class of 2009, and we hope you’ll meet your death as blood spattered innocents.
Man, melted icing sure can create gory effects, even when it’s not needed. Seriously, that looks like blood and more suited for Halloween than graduation.
36. For those grads wanting to put a stamp of their religious views, you might not want a cake from this bakery.
Communion on your knees, seriously? That doesn’t look good. Why can’t the communion cake figures have the parishioner standing, for God’s sake? I mean it would be way less creepier.
37. For those compelled to have a photo of their grad on a cake, either go wit the “boring” or the “greened silhouette” option.
This is also a great option for grads in the Witness Protection Program like mafia princesses, for instance. That or reformed gang bangers who’ve recently moved to another state.
38. For those who want to send their grad a heartfelt message, this is for you.
What the fuck would anyone buy a graduation cake like this? It looks like a stripper’s backside for God’s sake! Seriously, do these parents have any idea how inappropriate a cake like this is for graduation? I mean, why?
39. When it comes to sending a picture for your graduation cake, remember that some people are less tech savvy than others.
I’m sure this person seemed to put a photo of the whole file as if it came from a Wikipedia entry. Definitely not computer savvy at all. Decorator should be fired.
40. Congratulations, Class of 2009 of Whoville University.
Seriously, the diploma scroll looks like a Dr. Seuss hat and the confetti squiggles are incomprehensible. Seriously, that doesn’t look like a scroll at all.
41. Don’t screw up, Julianne!
Of course, this great advice but is it really appropriate for a graduation cake? Seriously, either Julianne really doesn’t care about her future or she’s working on Wall Street.
42. Congratulations, Laura, wait is that a cat on her head?
I think this one made the news. I think the family wanted a cap on this girl’s head for her graduation cake. Guess there was some misunderstanding with the order.
43. Congratulations, Andrea. By the way, you’re going to die.
Sure some girls might major in medicine or have a thing with the macabre. But that doesn’t mean you should put a skeleton on a graduation cake. I mean, that’s just messed up.
44. Congratulations, graduating to the Dark Side of the Force.
Now this just has to be one of the worst renditions of Darth Vader I’ve ever seen. Besides, the cap is way too small for him.
45. For those who thought the baby carrots shower cake was creepy, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
Yes, here’s a graduation cake of naked babies on carrots. But this time they have caps and diplomas. Talk about creepy if you know what I mean. Yes, this is the stuff of nightmares.
46. Congratulations, from the green I-Beam thingy.
This is: A. a green dog bone or chew toy, B. a green Corinthian column, C. a dumbell, or D. All of the above. Then again, I don’t want to know.
47. Congratulations, graduate, from the Doric column or the golden tornado.
Sure it’s for people who like things a little twisted. But I’m don’t want to run into something like that in Kansas. Yeah, that thing should just get the hell off my lawn!
48. Congratulations, by the way, flattened turtle says hello.
Now the shell seems a little flat but the turtle really doesn’t seem to mind. Of course, this kind of disturbs me for some reason.
49. Congratulations, Jason, all downloaded and ready for viewing.
I know this is supposed to be an equation and maybe done on purpose. But I’m not sure if the guy’s relatives would get it. Rather, many would complain of why don’t they just get a normal cake.
50. So remember, when it comes to cake roses, black may not be it.
Sorry, but the black roses on this cake look like shit. And by “shit” I don’t mean bad. I mean the roses actually look like shit. Oh, and one of the letters is wrong.