Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles with These Birthday Party Cakes (Fifth Edition)

chocolate-birthday-cake-images-5

Since my 29th birthday is on January 13, it’s only natural that I do another edition of messed up birthday cakes from Cake Wrecks. When we make a cake in our homes for our loved ones, we usually expect that mistakes will be made since we’re not anticipated a masterpiece. But when we purchase a cake from a store or bakery, we expect that it will look as perfect as the picture in the book. Yet, since we have a website like Cake Wrecks, we should know full well that this isn’t the case. Sometimes the decorators may not know how to take directions. Sometimes they’re not great artists that the cake looks creepy or disgusting. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of screwed up birthday cakes. Enjoy. By the way, some of these may not be safe for work.

  1. I think they meant a 2 in blue.
3c4441c95b219c407cab312fb50f0c17

This one has piping in red while it says “too No in Blue.” But at least it has 2 candles.

2. When you need a cake to cover 3 occasions for your dad.

4df98f77c4af28a0b28c7f4df1dfa0e0

Guess this was made for a dad who just got out of prison. Though it also works as a 50 Shades of Grey theme.

3. “Nobody Likes You When You’re 23.”

47f1a7baaaeecd29199b4f52bdac05ec

That’s not a great message to put on cake. This is especially the case with the smiley face containing x’s.

4. Perhaps you might want to rethink the hotdog cake.

77b7c711cf8add0315310f1e36907da2

Yeah, that hotdog doesn’t look right. Not to mention, the drizzle doesn’t resemble mustard.

5. Who doesn’t want a SpongeBob cake?

89f918183fa99e26e897332e4ab65e08

That SpongeBob looks really disgusting, especially around the nose. Also, why does the cake have 6 candles.

6. Seems like Alexis will be very disappointed.

62754a45e18a8641fac1171c54b82ef5

Since Alexis wanted the letters in pink. While the decorator didn’t know how to follow directions.

7. I don’t think Bobby will get his Lone Ranger cake.

6325127a332d03ee52baa8dbab2e7771

The cake doesn’t even resemble a western scene. Also, “lone” is spelled “loan.”

8. Happy Birthday to Jenifer with “One N Only.”

10710906-16883975-thumbnail

Well, at least they spell her name right. Though the “F” is capitalized.

9. Of course, every child likes a clown cake.

10710906-23264892-thumbnail

Suddenly, Pennywise doesn’t seem too bad despite being an actual killer clown. Seriously, why do they cater clowns to children?

10. Speaking of Pennywise, this cake should make Stephen King fans rejoice.

10710906-23264915-thumbnail

Well, if you want an IT themed party, you can’t go wrong with this. Since this cake can terrify the shit out of you.

11. Any little boy would enjoy an epic Avengers cake.

10710906-23303841-thumbnail

Okay, if your son is into superheroes, you might want a cake that doesn’t include Thor’s hammer. In case Thor’s hammer resembles a dildo.

12. If you want to see Nightwing go against the Joker, you might like this cake.

10710906-23999294-thumbnail

Actually you’d hate it. Since it basically consists of badly drawn figures playing basketball.

13. They only needed to put “Happy Birthday” on the cake.

10710906-24055381-thumbnail

But someone just had to repeat the instructions. You have to wonder who decorates these things sometimes.

14. A Winnie the Pooh cake is always a wholesome choice.

10710906-24066805-thumbnail

What the hell are Pooh, Tigger, and Eeyore are doing? Seriously, this can’t be good.

15. I don’t think Bobby will be pleased.

10710906-25184148-thumbnail

Since it’s spelled out as “Booby.” Hope that doesn’t result in someone getting stuck with a bad nickname for life.

16. Someone wants sprinkles all over the monitor?

10710906-25282647-thumbnail

Apparently, that’s what it says. Not sure why. Seems like someone doesn’t follow directions.

17. Perhaps you’d like to do nails on a cake.

10710906-25394953-thumbnail

But the disembodied braceleted hands doesn’t seem to help matters. Since that’s kind of creepy.

18. Didn’t like the Minnie you put on the cake? Turn it into a bowtie.

10710906-25420839-thumbnail

At least someone realized they made a mistake. Still, doesn’t seem to help matters as you can see.

19. So is this a cake for Buddy?

10710906-25421075-thumbnail

Someone doesn’t seem so sure who this cake is for. Since there’s a question mark at the end.

20. Happy Birthday, Picks?

10710906-25444884-thumbnail

Must be short for “Pickles” I guess. Still, doesn’t seem to go with the blue flowers.

21. You can just put the plaque right around the edges.

10710906-25444901-thumbnail

Except it says, “Happy Birthday Plaque” like they expected it to be for anyone. And in pink icing, too.

22. Well, do you want it to say “Happy Birthday” or not?

10710906-25620451-thumbnail

Apparently, some decorators pretty much put on what they hear on the phone. Wonder what was going on here.

23. For God’s sake, that’s not how you draw Mickey Mouse!

10710906-25652393-thumbnail

Seriously, a blackface Mickey Mouse? Did the decorator have any idea of how extremely racist that is? Then again, Walt Disney didn’t see anything wrong with doing Song of the South.

24. Since when did Mickey have fangs?

10710906-25652415-thumbnail

Excuse me, but that no way resembles Mickey Mouse. More like the Big Bad Wolf getting ditched by his prom date.

25. Apparently, you can’t use spell check on cake decorating.

10710906-25732139-thumbnail

Yeah, the punctuation is horrible on this one. Also I’m not sure what that saying means. Hope Sue isn’t a grammar Nazi.

26. I don’t think that’s a great way to describe how someone’s aging.

10710906-25732225-thumbnail

Also, that wine glass reminds me more of a misshapen toilet plunger. Seriously, how hard is it is to do wine glasses?

27. So it’s somebody’s buttday, isn’t it?

10710906-25822322-thumbnail

Hope Sue isn’t too self-conscious. Because this is definitely something nobody wants on a cake, let alone a woman.

28. Hope you can blow the candles off this one, Oliver.

10710906-25822446-thumbnail

Okay, “blow that” shouldn’t be on a cake. Because that could have a lot of a lot of negative and sexual connotations. Oh, it’s supposed to be “below.”

29. Perhaps you should go with a birthday message that doesn’t get censored.

10710906-25822462-thumbnail

Also, that says “Jappy” instead of “Happy.” Not the kind of message you’d want to open with.

30. You should always remember your followers on their special day.

10710906-25822473-thumbnail

It says, “Happy Birthday Stalker!” Makes me wonder what the relationship is between them.

31. Those who love the Smurfs would enjoy this cake.

10710906-25851245-thumbnail

What the hell is wrong with his nose? Seriously, that’s messed up.

32. Hope you can appreciate a cake of your neighborhood Spiderman.

10710906-25851251-thumbnail

Okay, that didn’t turn out well. Also, is that supposed to be a hand?

33. Any boy would love an Iron Man cake on his birthday.

10710906-25851268-thumbnail

From Cake Wrecks: “Huh, I’ve never heard of Iron Man’s “exploding crotch” feature before. Must be an upgrade.”

34. You’d get excited over this monster truck cake.

10710906-25851365-thumbnail

Yet, this truck seems to go on the shitty path. Seriously, the trail resembles a huge turd.

35. Don’t have Ninja Turtles? Perhaps a pencil box will do.

10710906-25877222-thumbnail

Well, at least Craig’s getting a new pencil box for his birthday. Though I don’t think he’d want one.

36. I guess Delia is into rock music.

10710906-25877226-thumbnail

From Cake Wrecks: “Clearly the baker just wanted to protect the identities of those poor musicians.” Seems reasonable.

37. Are you a boy who likes video games? This Mario cake is for you.

10710906-26369031-thumbnail

Yet, I think the inscription shouldn’t have been handled by someone who transcribes like this. But at least they included an 8.

38. I sense a disturbance in the Force.

10710906-25822387-thumbnail

Just because Disney now owns Star Wars. Doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to put Disney characters on a Star Wars cake. Because it isn’t.

39. Plenty of boys would love a Ninja Turtles cake.

10710906-27995249-thumbnail

Guess that’s what they look like without their shells. Still, I don’t want to see that at all.

40. when it comes to baseball, please don’t include a bat.

10710906-28005970-thumbnail

I know that’s supposed to be a baseball bat. But it looks more like a wooden lightsaber, a magic wand, or a dildo.

41. Hope Patrick doesn’t have a crappy birthday this year.

10710906-28008533-thumbnail

Apparently, he doesn’t mind having smiling turds on his cake. Still, it’s kind of hilarious.

42. Don’t have Power Rangers for a cake? Use a T-shirt pic.

10710906-28018815-thumbnail

This seems kind of cheap if you ask me. Seriously, you have to wonder about this.

43. Not sure what Derek’s friends think about him from this cake.

10710906-28021871-thumbnail

Of course, we all know what a “douchebag” is. Then again, it just might be a term of endearment in this case.

44. A little princess must have a Barbie Princess Tiara cake.

10710906-25732217-thumbnail

From Cake Wrecks: “All I see is a giant cat’s paw. Does Barbie have a cat? Is this somehow related? Am I over-thinking this? Where are you all going?”

45. Is that supposed to be a dragon head?

10710906-28023344-thumbnail

Actually I’m not really sure what this is supposed to be. A frog? A fish? An alien?

46. If you have a winter birthday, you might want a cake of a snowy landscape.

10710906-28055469-thumbnail

Looks more like a tree monster. And right now it’s hungry.

47. Well, at least that would be good news for anyone with celiac disease.

DSC_0062

Though would you want that written on a cake? Probably not.

48. Sometimes a request doesn’t really pan out.

amber-c-ow-guitar-literal-lol

I think the family wanted musical notes drawn at the cake. Unfortunately, one decorator didn’t get the memo.

49. Apparently, Case doesn’t have a preference.

any-color

Yet, the bakery could use someone who doesn’t write down everything the customer says. Kind of detracts from the aesthetic.

50. What the hell happened to Scooby Doo?

cabe2247a26b423c9072770b3b28c390

Seems like the dog is on drugs or has been through a horrible accident. Hasn’t been the same since.

51. Do you want to eat a snowman?

d7f72d08e9847a4f8d0f795840eab0b3

This was for a 12-year-old. But it’s clear they’re not a snowman. Because snowmen don’t last that long. Except on Hoth.

52. Would you like the message on top?

d22ffac91fa4b30974179ae678083fe508f10f32

Note how it’s phrased like a question. Though they put the message on top anyway.

53. If you like Speedracer, this cake is for you.

d96a51514d235fa6ffd9f81412b78e39

Apparently, the decorator isn’t familiar with the material. Still, the first part is, “Go Peed Race” which is hilarious.

54. When someone wants sprinkles, you’d better give them sprinkles.

d112e81f4f69e64233a2ce21dab17ae867639266

Yet, someone just wrote what the person ordered on the cake. And there are no sprinkles around it.

55. Seems like someone doesn’t feel fond of the birthday boy.

dhead

I guess this one was for a joke. Yet, why did the words appear in yellow?

56. Apparently, 1971 was a great vintage.

eee5cb476bf0a2ab50945a220496f8d2

Yet, we should know that while aged wine may peak at some point, it reaches a point of decline. Though such is life.

57. So is it supposed to be Mom or Mother? Let’s go with both.

eee5dd5948548142b201610214e04e03

It says “Momther” as if they couldn’t choose between the two. That’s not even a word. Or should we add it to the dictionary?

58. “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.” But maybe not like that.

emgn-cake-wrecks-7

Okay, that’s pretty disgusting. Seriously, that’s a really long hairball.

59. They asked to have it in green.

enhanced-1881-1412879477-7

Instead, it’s written in red. But at least you can see a green balloon.

60. Someone must be a fan of NFL Monday night football.

g85iys0l

This one has a scantily clad woman riding a football. Not sure how that works, but I get the idea.

61. So is this for a 20th or 40th birthday?

inima

Because the cake has 40 on it. While the candles say 20. Not sure how that works.

62. Those are supposed to be balloons, by the way.

kathleen.ow.balloons

Yet, looking at them, they seem like black and blue sperm. Not exactly what you’d want on a cake.

63. I’m sure a clown will put a smile on your face.

katiehclown

Okay, that’s incredibly terrifying. Like something out of a nightmare or scary Asian theater.

64. They’re supposed to be brown balloons.

kevincoo.ow.pooballoons

Though they more likely resemble turds with tails. Yeah, kind of shitty isn’t it?

65. Well, a cat cake might be cute.

kristen.lw.cat

Actually, I changed my mind. In fact, this cat is quite terrifying, even with the party hat.

66. It’s not every day you get booze on your 18th birthday.

lisa.ow.bawls2bbottle

Yet, you wouldn’t get away with this in America. Since the drinking age in the US in 21.

67. When you turn 17, you shouldn’t forget to wear underwear.

monica s

Though when you’re 17, you shouldn’t be reminded on it. Least of all on a birthday cake.

68. Any kid would enjoy a monkey cake.

monkeyfacecake

Okay, that monkey’s quite frightening. Not something for a 2-year-old’s party.

69.  Please use abbreviations for the months if you have to.

november

Yet, some people just don’t know how to take directions. So you get a message like this.

70. Mind where the hooves dig in.

rachel+s+blue+horse

Also, it seems the candles are coming from the horse’s ass. Also is that a pile of poo behind it?

71. Looks like the racer has gotten into an accident.

racingaccident1

Yet, the track looks quite messy for Motocross doesn’t it? Also I don’t think the racer will get out of the icing.

72. A Harry Potter cake will certainly bring out the magic.

rebecca2bj2b.2blw2b.2bharry2bpotter

What the hell is up with his mouth? Seriously, that just looks really weird.

73. Well, Brian said he’s a Red Sox fan.

redsox

Okay, the bat should go. Seriously, the phallic imagery is apparent.

74. Nothing makes a birthday cake like one with your face on it.

serge-cake

I’d have to be an egomaniac to want that. Because this looks really strange if you ask me.

75. Sometimes less characters isn’t always better.

some-people-celebrate-anything

I’m sure this is for a kid’s 13th birthday. But you’d think it was for a 13th, uh, something else.

76. Superman always flies faster than a speeding bullet.

superman4

However, Superman looks more like he’s resting than flying through the sky to save people. Kind of lame if you think about it.

77. People always need support when they turn 40.

support-birthday-cake

Not sure if showing support means whipping out a bra. Then I get it’s supposed to be a joke.

78. Seems like Tinkerbell has really let herself go.

tinker

God, her head is quite misshapen on this cake. While her wings are quite small.

79. Perhaps a dog cake will amuse you.

untitled

Okay, that kind of frightens me. Seriously, the dog looks like it’s about to bite at somebody’s heels in cold blood.

80. If you like unicorns, you’ll love a cake like this.

untitled3

Though I’m not sure about the message. But at least they gave the unicorn a sweet pink mane.

Advertisements

Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles with These Birthday Party Cakes (Fourth Edition)

soft-iced-happy-birthday-cake-2000117_4

Next Saturday will be my 28th birthday. So like the few previous years, I usually commemorate the occasion with an assortment of crazy birthday cakes you’d find in a store thanks to Cake Wrecks. When you go to a bakery or store like Wal Mart or Giant Eagle, you usually expect the cakes they make to resemble what you’d see in a book they provide or what you’d specify. However, there are times when it’s not the case. Sometimes customers might see a cake with all kinds of mistakes or unintentional errors. But often they have to make the best of the situation. Since you don’t really want to waste a cake. So for your reading pleasure, I give you yet another assortment of birthday cakes gone wrong. Some of these might not be safe for work by the way. Enjoy.

  1. Perhaps you might want a Shrek cake for your birthday.

Okay, Shrek looks terrifying in this. Like he’d eat children and squeeze the jelly out of your eyes. No, he’s not like that in the movie.

2. Small children will always delight with a Barney cake.

Seems like Barney is giving himself a bikini wax. Nothing to see here, kids.

3. Anyone who enjoys Angry Birds will rave about these cakes.

Well, they hardly look angry and they barely look like birds. More like badly drawn Sesame Street characters.

4. There are plenty of kids who’d like a birthday cake of Sponge Bob Squarepants.

Well, it seems that Sponge Bob’s squarepants are now a speedo. And his legs are unusually long.

5. Elmo always makes a wonderful first birthday cake.

Sure he might be in a diaper. But, yes, his smiley face kind of freaks you out.

6. Sometimes when ordering a cake, it might be better not to specify the punctuation.

Since the word “comma” is written into the cake. Perhaps a grammatically correct cake isn’t all that’s cracked up to be.

7. They say many kids would want a cake of Dora the Explorer.

From Mommy Shorts: “Dora the ‘OMG! There are two giant walruses fighting over my hair!'” Though they don’t seem to have white tusks. But yes, the kind of resemble walruses.

8. Sometimes the instructions may get lost in translation.

No, I don’t think that person wanted a cake that said, “Giant 57.” More like a 57 in a giant font size.

9. Not sure if that person wanted a cake with ramen noodles on their mom’s cake, but there you go.

I think the cake decorator wasn’t supposed to hear “ramen noodles.” But it’s on the cake anyway.

10. Of course, children can’t resist a cake of Mickey Mouse.

Why did does Mickey have Princess Leia buns instead of his large circle ears. And why is he smiling like he’s about to stab me?

11. There are times when a nice birthday cake for a friend can go awry.

Yes, some “f” adjectives can be quite positive. But the word “fat” is usually not one of them. Though being “fit” and “fat” is possible.

12. They say youth comes to die at 40.

And his cake is of a tombstone with white and black roses. Well, you’re only young once I suppose.

13. When your baby’s turning 1, make sure the 1 candle isn’t in an inconvenient location.

Yeah, putting that candle between Winnie the Pooh’s legs make it seem like he’s having a wet dream. Still, isn’t he supposed to be a plush toy anyway? I mean Pooh’s not supposed to have any junk.

14. Uh, I think they just wanted the name “Al” under “Happy Birthday.”

You have people who might take instructions way too literally. You have to wonder why you even get cakes like these.

15. At every place, there is always someone who doesn’t take directions well.

This recipient ordered a cake with a green and yellow inscription. They got neither.

16. Happy Birthday, actually we want you to join a 12 step.

Not sure why they make cakes to get people into rehab. But I suppose it might work for some.

17. A kid named Nemo should naturally get a Finding Nemo birthday cake.

Still, Nemo and Dory don’t seem to be a lively pair on this one. Quite the contrary actually.

18. There are times when a cake can send the wrong message.

Was this a cake meant for Father’s Day for Gomez Addams? Or a birthday cake for Herman Munster? Cause this one seems quite grim.

19. Well, they said Stan enjoyed swimming.

Yet, this boy seems like he’s dead in the water. Think we might need a lifeguard in this case.

20. Happy Birthday Keith and Arianna and don’t worry about anything.

A cake with the saying “He trusts you!” doesn’t seem like a good sign for me. Just a thought.

21. There are some men who might want a fishing cake.

Though they wanted the name “Gary” in white. That didn’t happen.

22. “Happy Birthday, Sprinkles!”

Oh, they wanted sprinkles on the birthday cake. Still, at least they got that. Since it has plenty of sprinkles.

23. This person only wanted a 1 on this cake.

This is definitely for a boy’s first birthday as far as the color’s concerned. Yet, some decorator doesn’t know how to take directions.

24. Often an icing likeness doesn’t go over well.

And it seems like this icing girl doesn’t know how to smile. More confused at what’s going on. Like me looking at this cake.

25. A child would delight in a Scooby Doo cake.

Seems like Scooby Doo has a rather thick neck. Still, kind of freaks me out.

26. Apparently, Linda didn’t get what she wanted on her cake.

Looks like this cake didn’t get the cherry. But it did get the instruction which is barely a consolation.

27. A beach body cake should always have a bit of realism.

Though this is a bit too realistic. Seriously, I’m all for not shaving pubic hair. But that doesn’t mean it should be on a cake.

28. Sometimes people just want their cake to be simple.

Indeed this person, just wanted “Happy Birthday.” And they got in on the cake twice.

29. A monkey is always a wonderful motif for a baby’s first birthday.

Though the banana is unfortunately placed between the legs. Not really sending a family friendly connotation here.

30. A dresser cake is perfect for a young girl.

Though I think her name’s supposed to be “Bobbie.” I’m sure her birthday cake will lead to a lot of teasing in school.

31. A cake of a gorgeous woman would fulfill a man’s dreams.

Though there’s something phallic about this cake. I mean her boobs could be easily seen as balls for some reason.

32. You’re never too old to have a birthday cake with a Disney Princess.

Yet, strangely, Snow White doesn’t seem smiling in this one. Or smiling rather awkwardly.

33. Any Disney girl would love a crown cake for her birthday.

Well, it doesn’t seem to resemble a princess crown. More like a crown passed to a younger sister.

34. A 21st birthday is always seen as a rite of passage.

And this one has a Ken Doll puking into a toilet of sprinkles. Kind of disgusting if you think about it too hard.

35. “Happy Birthday Concentrated Debbie.”

Yeah, I have no idea what it means either. Also, what’s with all the cherries?

36. Someone must complain a lot.

I think it’s supposed to be “Whitney.” Still, this is kind of hilarious.

37. For some a birthday cake should have a festive spin.

Though this is a plain cake that says, “Happy Birthday and Fireworks.” Seems this isn’t what they wanted.

38. Apparently, someone has mixed feelings about their child.

Well, kids can seem like brats sometimes. Though this kid is probably turning 9 from what I can count of the candles. Then again, his name is probably Brad and he’s not an unpleasant child at all.

39. There are occasional cakes that can make flagrant accusations.

Let’s hope this is a misspelling of someone’s name. Because such accusation might put you on a sex offender list later.

40. Perhaps you might want a floral cake?

So who the hell names their kid Stick? Because this just seems kind of weird.

41. A rainbow cake should brighten anyone’s birthday.

I guess they wanted a birthday plaque. Not the word “Plaque.” Too bad they didn’t get what they wanted.

42. Best not mind the chocolate bits in the center.

This one says “Just Happy Birthday.” Still, the chocolate bits might be tasty. But they don’t do wonders on its appearance.

43. An 18th birthday cake should always have a unique design.

Though this cake seems more appropriate for a bachelorette party. Includes some silver decorations on the top.

44. Any young child would adore an Oscar the Grouch cake.

And here’s Oscar in his debut on The Walking Dead. And yes, he’s hungry for your brains.

45. Sometimes a birthday cake can be ordered on the stealth insult side.

Not sure if the “you whores” addition was intentional or not. But it’s kind of funny it’s on a cake with pink flowers.

46. Well, at least they included the clown hat.

Though they didn’t have to write it down on the cake. Just putting a clown hat on there would’ve been fine.

47. A first birthday cake should always have endearing characters.

However, these seem like they’re from some horror show. That figure seems like it’s coming apart.

48. There are some places where a tickling hand is appropriate.

But a birthday cake for a 30 year old man isn’t one of them. Also, it looks kind of creepy if you ask me.

49. Young boys always relish with Star Wars birthday cake.

Still, the message seems a bit odd. Sure he’s unlikely to become a Jedi. But does that mean you should have it on a cake?

50. Seems like they don’t know what to do with this birthday boy.

This could almost be a great birthday cake for Anthony Scaramucci. Since he only lasted in the Trump White House for 11 days.

51. A Harley Davidson cake should look badass.

Yet, the flames on this sheet cake seem rather pathetic. Doesn’t inspire any impressive feats.

52. Anyone with the Force would approve of a lightsaber cake.

Though the lightsaber seems rather erect. Like a Jedi has to show their rod.

53. There are those cake decorators who can’t make up their mind.

They think they should decorate a cake. But they’re not sure if it’s this one. And there’s the script.

54. Even adults couldn’t resist a unicorn.

Seems like this unicorn isn’t too happy. Also, doesn’t seem like it’s well drawn either.

55. A cake like this is only appropriate for an old tortoise.

Still, the turtle doesn’t seem lively on this one. Then again, neither is an average person turning 75.

56. You should always follow directions but not too literally.

These cakes say, “Happy Birthday on Both.” One has flowers. The other has a rainbow.

57. A birthday cake should always sparkle.

But a birthday cake that says, “Sparkle” doesn’t go so well. Though the flowers are pretty.

58. Always pipe the words on a cake after you spray paint it.

Because you can barely see “Happy Birthday” on here. Decorator should’ve waited a little while.

59. Apparently, Kelly is an Auburn fan.

Because it’s written on her cookie cake. Despite that the decorator didn’t really need to.

60. Everything should be in its proper place.

But that doesn’t mean they need a description in icing. Unless these inscriptions were for the decorator.

61. Perhaps a beach birthday cake may suit you.

Yet, this one has pumpkin decorations for some reason. Doesn’t seem to be right.

62. Happy Birthday to whoever’s covered in green.

Evidently someone put on the wrong name. So they blocked out in green. Now it’s a green blob.

63. A birthday cake should have a rather intricate design.

However, this seems to resemble a spiral with some yellow icing. Looks really disgusting.

64. When featuring a photo, always choose wisely.

Yeah, that isn’t a flattering picture. This is probably intentional. But if you’re a parent, would you want your kids to see you in a thong? No.

65. Even an adult could enjoy a cake of Chewbacca.

Thankfully, Chewie has aged better in the newer Star Wars movies than on this cake. Here he just resembles a giant Ewok from your nightmares.

66. A little girl will delight in this Minnie birthday cake.

Actually this is an android Minnie Mouse. She has no life in her. Nor any talents but smiling like a serial killer.

67. Back in the 2000s, young girls would die for a Hanna Montana cake.

Miley Cyrus today would’ve been embarrassed to see her likeness on this cake. Kind of makes her seem a bit cheeky.

68. A bunny cake for a kid’s birthday is always nice.

As long as it’s not the Playboy Bunny. But the parents of this 6-year-old didn’t get the memo. Seriously, Hugh Hefner was a creep and his magazine promoted the objectification of women.

69. Any boy would enjoy an Angry Birds birthday cake.

The contraptions are clearly made out of Kit Kat bars. Still, seems rather sloppy on the icing.

70. Not sure what would stink about a skunk cake.

Kind of says, “well, you’re rather cute but give a foul stench when you’re threatened.” Also, prone to get run over by a car.

71. Any Hawaiian girl would love a Hawaiian Barbie cake.

The grass skirt kind of resembles a broom. Perhaps this isn’t as good an idea as it’s cracked up to be.

72. Young children might enjoy a birthday cake of Bob the Builder.

Is that ground meat? Please don’t say it’s ground mea? Because that’s just plain unsanitary as disgusting.

73. A future free thrower craves for a basketball birthday cake.

The cake is a basketball court while the figures are baseball players. So this is basically a baseketball cake?

74. A Yoda cake, wise choice it is.

But family friendly, it is not. As Yoda show off his lightsaber upwards, he has.

75. Seems like someone getting money from decorating this cake.

Because they have the inscription, “Big tip if it’s there before 12.” Not something you’d want to see on a birthday cake.

76. Nothing brings smiles like a little horse cake.

More like a dead horse cake. Some little kid will be disappointed or traumatized on their birthday.

77. Any girl would want a cake with Belle and Cinderella.

Belle and Cinderella seem like they’re more likely to fit in a horror movie than Disney. Belle’s eyes are especially terrifying.

78. Nobody could hate a duck cake for a baby’s first birthday.

Okay, that duck seems like it’s going to kill someone. Don’t look it in the eye.

79. A clown cake is a smash at any kid’s birthday party.

Hey, I didn’t know they had a cake of Pennywise the Clown. I’m sure Stephen King’s It fans would love to see this.

80. I see this is a cake for Gandalf’s birthday party.

Well, he is incredibly old on Middle Earth. So it’s possible the wizard is 13,000 years old. And yes, they do celebrate birthdays there.

Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles with These Birthday Party Cakes (Third Edition)

happy-birthday-cake-images-download-1

Next Friday will be my 27th birthday so I decide to commemorate the occasion with an assortment of weird looking cakes you’d find at the store, courtesy of Cake Wrecks. Sure I’ve done such post twice before during this time of year. Yet, there’s not a lot I can do for January though I can at least rejoice the fact that I can celebrate it while Obama is still president. Since the day that will infamy will only occur the Friday after of which I plan to dedicate the occasion by not watching my country being desecrated on national television. Anyway, bakeries and stores make a ton of money on birthday cakes since people have them all year round. And we usually expect that when we get a cake, it’d be decorated to our specifications. However, given that a site like Cake Wrecks exists, this isn’t always the case. Thus, it’s possible that people may celebrate birthdays featuring a cake that might not be up to snuff to what you ordered. But sometimes you have to make the best of the situation. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of professional birthday cakes gone wrong. These are provided by the courtesy of Cake Wrecks and many may not be safe for work.

  1. Man, what the hell’s going on with Cinderella?
"So you tell me you'd help me get to the ball? Then why the hell weren't you there for me when my dad died, you fairy god bitch?" I'm just improvising here.

“So you tell me you’d help me get to the ball? Then why the hell weren’t you there for me when my dad died, you fairy god bitch? You should’ve enchanted child services, for God’s sake.” I’m just improvising here.

2. Just a plain happy birthday with no frilly crap will do.

Well, it seems like the recipient got their wish. Though some decorator doesn't seem to follow directions.

Well, it seems like the recipient got their wish. Though some decorator doesn’t seem to follow directions.

3. Guess Ann wanted a Vincent Van Gogh birthday party theme.

But a cake of a severed ear? I think one of Van Gogh's paintings would've been more appropriate.

But a cake of a severed ear? I think one of Van Gogh’s paintings would’ve been more appropriate.

4. Though decorators can be great at taking directions, they don’t necessarily follow them.

This person requested some words in yellow and some in green. But not in the colors they are.

This person requested some words in yellow and some in green. But not in the colors they are.

5. That moment when you can’t decide to go with a forest or circus theme.

I don't know about you. But I'd stick with the forest theme. Because let's face it, clowns are creepy.

I don’t know about you. But I’d stick with the forest theme. Because let’s face it, clowns are creepy.

6. Seems like Tinkerbell isn’t too pleased at the moment.

Doesn't help that her hips are unusually thick in her proportion to her body. Maybe her crankiness makes perfect sense.

Doesn’t help that her hips are unusually thick in her proportion to her body. Maybe her crankiness makes perfect sense.

7. Why, Yoda, that’s a rather large uh, lightsaber you have there.

All too happy, Yoda seems. Suspect compensating for something, Yoda may. Want to know, I may not.

All too happy, Yoda seems. Suspect compensating for something, Yoda may. Want to know, I may not.

8. Apparently, turning 4o might make you think you’re being dragged to your grave.

Sorry, but while 40 may mean you're middle aged, it doesn't mean you're being dragged to your grave. Still, this is disturbing.

Sorry, but while 40 may mean you’re middle aged, it doesn’t mean you’re being dragged to your grave. Still, this is disturbing.

9. A Disney Princess cake is truly a little girl’s dream.

Though how these women are drawn is utterly atrocious. Seriously, Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White don't look like that.

Though how these women are drawn is utterly atrocious. Seriously, Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White don’t look like that.

10. A Big Bird cake can always delight a small child. Hope nothing goes wrong with that.

Now this looks very freaky. Here we have Big Bird's feet and wings along with a head that denotes he might've been on drugs before being dismembered.

Now this looks very freaky. Here we have Big Bird’s feet and wings along with a head that denotes he might’ve been on drugs before being dismembered.

11. Hope this kid enjoys his 6th birthday.

Just don't mind that whoever decorated this cake can't count. Because there are 8 candles which is more than there should be.

Just don’t mind that whoever decorated this cake can’t count. Because there are 8 candles which is more than there should be.

12. If you’re 40, get used to Viagra and adult diapers.

No, 40 isn't old for the love of God. Seriously, since when did 40 get associated with aging?

No, 40 isn’t old for the love of God. Seriously, since when did 40 get associated with aging?

13. I’m afraid Megan wanted a different kind of beach cake for her 14th birthday.

It's well stated that she wanted a blue anchor not flip flops. The decorator only wrote it down.

It’s well stated that she wanted a blue anchor not flip flops. The decorator only wrote it down.

14. Not sure if this cake gives you a hot heart of burning love.

For some reason Elvis looks like an angry vampire. Or like Wolverine. Not sure which.

For some reason Elvis looks like an angry vampire. Or like Wolverine. Not sure which.

15. Every little girl should have a cake of Darth Vader riding My Little Pony.

After all, who wouldn't want to rule the galaxy with an iron fist while riding on a pink horse over the rainbow? Still, this is hilarious.

After all, who wouldn’t want to rule the galaxy with an iron fist while riding on a pink horse over the rainbow? Still, this is hilarious.

16. Man, Karen must be really old.

As a history major, I don't think Karen was a popular name in the 1600s. Then again, this is probably a fluke and Karen is actually 40. Kind of disappointing because I would've loved to ask her to recollect her experience of being at Plymouth Rock.

As a history major, I don’t think Karen was a popular name in the 1600s. Then again, this is probably a fluke and Karen is actually 40. Kind of disappointing because I would’ve loved to ask her to recollect her experience of being at Plymouth Rock.

17. I don’t think the 5oth was supposed to go in the sky. But the flag might’ve been too small.

Yeah, someone didn't follow directions despite writing them on the cake. But by then it was too late.

Yeah, someone didn’t follow directions despite writing them on the cake. But by then it was too late.

18. Some child must really love Jurassic Park.

Okay, that T-Rex is giving me nightmares at the moment. Seriously, this is for a child? God, the cake looks like it's to eat somebody.

Okay, that T-Rex is giving me nightmares at the moment. Seriously, this is for a child? God, the cake looks like it’s to eat somebody.

19. Just happy birthday, is that supposed to be Anus?

Sometimes you can't always tell what's being said in cursive. But the last part sounds disgusting to me and is surely a typo.

Sometimes you can’t always tell what’s being said in cursive. But the last part sounds disgusting to me and is surely a typo.

20. A birthday cake with stars and balloons is always safe. Nothing can go wrong with that.

And remember, kids, only one of these sperm will fertilize the egg which results in conception. So that's how sex results in reproduction.

And remember, kids, only one of these sperm will fertilize the egg which results in conception. So that’s how sex results in reproduction.

21. Elmo is always perfect for a child’s first birthday.

Unfortunately, Elmo has come out of his slumber to haunt the world with his noxious desire for tickles and evil laughter. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Unfortunately, Elmo has come out of his slumber to haunt the world with his noxious desire for tickles and evil laughter. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

22. Uh, I don’t think it’s supposed to be Vivian’s butt day.

Wonder why nobody got to the bottom of this silent but deadly misspelling. Guess the decorator was being a real asshole.

Wonder why nobody got to the bottom of this silent but deadly misspelling. Guess the decorator was being a real asshole.

23. Nothing makes a great cake for a boy like a forest scene.

Jesus Christ, a forest fire cake? Of course, the buck is only waiting for the certain death that'll await him as he's consumed by the raging flames.

Jesus Christ, a forest fire cake? Of course, the buck is only waiting for the sweet release of certain death that’ll await him as he’s consumed by the raging flames.

24. If you’re a basketball fan, just remember that though a court cake might be cheap and simple, it’s usually not a good idea.

Not sure which part of the court the ball's in at the moment. But both sides seem to be quite firm about it.

Not sure which part of the court the ball’s in at the moment. But both sides seem to be quite firmly erect about it. Then again, this is a very inappropriate cake for a 10-year-old boy.

25. I’m sure whoever receives this Red Sox cake will be greatly disappointed.

I know that's supposed to be the Red Sox logo. But it's in disgusting snot green. Must've been done by a Yankees fan.

I know that’s supposed to be the Red Sox logo. But it’s in disgusting snot green. Must’ve been done by a Yankees fan.

26. There always has to be a resident smartass and bakeries are no exception.

Well, at least whoever decorated it is honest. Still, this would be a perfect cake for Sheldon Cooper.

Well, at least whoever decorated it is honest. Still, this would be a perfect cake for Sheldon Cooper.

27. I’m afraid Helen isn’t going to be happy about this.

Yeah, including Hell won't give you brownie points. The decorator must have something against the third or is not sure how to spell.

Yeah, including Hell won’t give you brownie points. The decorator must have something against the third or is not sure how to spell.

28. Happy Birthday but that doesn’t mean you’re special.

Yes, we already know we're not special. But one's birthday isn't a time to be reminded of that.

Yes, we already know we’re not special. But one’s birthday isn’t a time to be reminded of that.

29. Of course, any young girl would love a Little Mermaid cake.

I don't know about you. But Ariel's face really doesn't look right here. Not sure why though it's freaking me out.

I don’t know about you. But Ariel’s face really doesn’t look right here. Not sure why though it’s freaking me out.

30. Why so serious? Dominic is 4.

Okay, I'm not against having a Batman cake for a young boy. However, I don't think a Dark Knight Joker cake for a 4 year old is appropriate. I mean the movie is rated R.

Okay, I’m not against having a Batman cake for a young boy. However, I don’t think a Dark Knight Joker cake for a 4 year old is appropriate. I mean the movie is rated R.

31. Happy 40th Birthday Jess, I mean Jeff.

I put a cake on my birthday post last year with the same mistake. But it was the other way around. Still, since I have 2 uncle Jeffs, I could see this happen.

I put a cake on my birthday post last year with the same mistake. But it was the other way around. Still, since I have 2 uncle Jeffs, I could see this happen.

32. A Minnie cake is always a safe bet for a girl’s first birthday.

Minnie, are you okay? You don't look like yourself. Are you and Mickey having problems?

Minnie, are you okay? You don’t look like yourself. Are you and Mickey having problems?

33. Here’s all to the November birthdays from the ER.

Yeah, we all know what ER stands for. Nobody needs to explain it.

Yeah, we all know what ER stands for. Nobody needs to explain it.

34. Maybe having a 2nd quinciera at 30 was a bad idea.

Apparently, someone didn't know how to spell the word. So they just wrote how it sounded to them.

Apparently, someone didn’t know how to spell the word. So they just wrote how it sounded to them.

35. Okay, this birthday message is a bit morbid.

I think it's supposed to be Beth and Libby. But you can see where they went wrong with that.

I think it’s supposed to be Beth and Libby. But you can see where they went wrong with that.

36. For a baby’s party, a monkey cake is always delightful.

However, this monkey cake is downright freaky and nightmarish. Not something you'd want for a kid's birthday.

However, this monkey cake is downright freaky and nightmarish. Not something you’d want for a kid’s birthday.

37.A rainbow cake is always great for a young girl’s birthday. Hope nothing’s wrong with that.

Excuse me, but those blots of clown icing look like turds to me. It's like no matter where you go in the rainbow, you'll always find shit at both ends. Kind of a depressing message to say the least.

Excuse me, but those blots of clown icing look like turds to me. It’s like no matter where you go in the rainbow, you’ll always find shit at both ends. Kind of a depressing message to say the least.

38. When you have to order a cake for a person you don’t care fore.

Well, at least they're being honest. It's kind of hard to put it more politely sometimes.

Well, at least they’re being honest. It’s kind of hard to put it more politely sometimes. Hope it’s not for their boss.

39. Perhaps you can make 40 look bigger for more emphasis.

Not sure if Kim's going to like that. Still, it would've been acceptable if it weren't for the unfortunate addition.

Not sure if Kim’s going to like that. Still, it would’ve been acceptable if it weren’t for the unfortunate addition.

40. I’m afraid that someone put the writing when the cake was upside down.

Sure it would've looked great if it weren't for the peace signs being upside down. Not sure what that stands for exactly.

Sure it would’ve looked great if it weren’t for the peace signs being upside down. Not sure what that stands for exactly.

41. Please don’t cry, Tilly, it’s just a strange looking flower.

Though it does kind of resemble a flattened turtle with its insides coming out. Yes, it's gross.

Though it does kind of resemble a flattened turtle with its insides oozing out in all directions. Yes, it’s gross.

42. Uh, I think that’s what they wanted the cake to look like. Not the picture to put on it.

Someone doesn't seem to follow directions, do they? Still, some kid will be disappointed on his big day.

Someone doesn’t seem to follow directions, do they? Still, some kid will be disappointed on his big day.

43. There’s nothing more appropriate for an 11-year-old girl’s birthday than a broken shoe?

Then again, these cakes must be hard to make. But I'm positive it looks broken and very tacky.

Then again, these cakes must be hard to make. But I’m positive it looks broken and very tacky.

44. Now that’s an interesting gorilla cake for a 3-year-old.

I don't know about you, but from how the fruit's being held, I don't think this is an appropriate cake for children. I mean it seems to suggest something highly suggestive.

I don’t know about you, but from how the fruit’s being held, I don’t think this is an appropriate cake for children. I mean it seems to suggest something highly suggestive.

45. We wish you a happy birthday as we present you a cake allowing you to contemplate the inevitability of your own mortality.

Yes, we all die in the end. But that doesn't mean you should have a dug out grave and casket on a birthday cake. Seriously, why?

Yes, we all die in the end. But that doesn’t mean you should have a dug out grave and casket on a birthday cake. Seriously, why?

46. Nothing makes a Star Wars birthday worthwhile than a cake of Chewie’s head.

This is kind of demented if you think about it. Also, that doesn't really look like Chewbacca. More like some brown shaggy dog.

This is kind of demented if you think about it. Also, that doesn’t really look like Chewbacca. More like some brown shaggy dog with depression.

47. Nothing says you’re shit like a poop cake for your birthday.

Even more disgusting that it has flies in it. Yes, someone must have a very sick sense of humor.

Even more disgusting that it has flies in it. Yes, someone must have a very sick sense of humor.

48. When featuring a photo on a cake, make sure it’s flattering.

I'm not sure what the hell they were thinking when it came to depicting the birthday boy in a speedo. That's just embarrassing and insane.

I’m not sure what the hell they were thinking when it came to depicting the birthday boy in a speedo. That’s just embarrassing and insane.

49. As we all know, 60 is a time when women have to put their big girl panties on.

And by that, we mean Depends. You know the adult diapers for people with bladder control problems.

And by that, we mean Depends. You know the adult diapers for people with bladder control problems.

50. When it comes to age, some decorators don’t understand what numerical terms translate into.

This cake has a 1/4 of a century which means it should be for a 25-year-old. But the candles say 75.

This cake has a 1/4 of a century which means it should be for a 25-year-old. But the candles say 75.

51. For some reason, I’m not sure if this cake could even pass health codes before consumption.

So what are those black things on the cake? Fleas? Droppings? Please let them be sprinkles for God's sake.

So what are those black things on the cake? Fleas? Droppings? Please let them be sprinkles for God’s sake.

52. Just a cake with balloons and crap.

How about a cake with roses instead? Because that's just what they're getting.

How about a cake with roses instead? Because that’s just what they’re getting.

53. For some reason, this decorator doesn’t understand the laws of physics in relation to gymnastics.

Because such balance beam image seems to defy gravity. My guess is that it's upside down.

Because such balance beam image seems to defy gravity. My guess is that it’s upside down.

54. Now I don’t think any parent would object to this Dora the Explorer cake.

Okay, I was wrong. Uh, either Dora has a severe weight problem or she's 9 months pregnant. And I'm hoping she has a severe weight problem because I don't want to think about the latter.

Okay, I was wrong. Uh, either Dora has a severe weight problem or she’s 9 months pregnant. And I’m hoping she has a severe weight problem because I don’t want to think about the latter.

55. As we all know everything goes to crap after 40.

Interesting image for a depressing metaphor. Not sure if everything goes to crap after 40 as long as you take good care of yourself. Still, this is gross.

Interesting image for a depressing metaphor. Not sure if everything goes to crap after 40 as long as you take good care of yourself. Still, this is gross.

56. So I guess this is a cake you give to  a psychokiller.

Look, I understand that certain shows have their fans. But this cake is utterly disturbing, especially with a dismembered Barbie. Good God.

Look, I understand that certain shows have their fans. But this cake is utterly disturbing, especially with a dismembered Barbie. Good God.

57. Back when I was in high school, Hannah Montana was a real craze among preteen girls.

However, this cake doesn't get Miley Cyrus's proportions right. And the rest of her comes off very cartoonish.

However, this cake doesn’t get Miley Cyrus’s proportions right. And the rest of her comes off very cartoonish.

58. A baseball cake is always a great for a boy’s birthday.

Though looking at this cake, some may not have the balls to know admit that the bat sports a very stiff wood. Seriously, perhaps a baseball diamond might be more appropriate?

Though looking at this cake, some may not have the balls to know admit that the bat sports a very hard wood. Seriously, perhaps a baseball diamond might be more appropriate?

59. On second thought, Vicky’s birthday is a few months from now.

At any rate, don't expect Vicky to react to this well. She might be very upset.

At any rate, don’t expect Vicky to react to this well. She might be very upset.

60. Happy Birthday, Tina, here’s a cake of a run over raccoon.

Now this is disgusting. Seriously, a roadkill cake? Why the fuck would anyone want that for their birthday? What the fuck?

Now this is disgusting. Seriously, a roadkill cake? Why the fuck would anyone want that for their birthday? What the fuck?

61. A Cabbage Patch kid makes a great 1st birthday cake.

But a Cabbage Patch kid's head on a stump? Oh, God no!

But a Cabbage Patch kid’s head on a stump? Oh, God no!

62. Happy Birthday and I give my regards.

I guess someone didn't follow directions to the letter. Also, those babies on carrots are freaky.

I guess someone didn’t follow directions to the letter. Also, those babies on carrots are freaky.

63. Any woman would only dream to have a birthday cake of some weird celebrity.

Not sure who that's supposed to be. But I strongly think it's a joke.

Not sure who that’s supposed to be. But I strongly think it’s a joke.

64. Of course, teenagers don’t like being embarrassed by their parents.

Yeah, you don't want to remind a kid to wear underwear on their birthday cake. That's not the time and place for that.

Yeah, you don’t want to remind a kid to wear underwear on their birthday cake. That’s not the time and place for that.

65. You can always count on a butterfly cake to make things right on birthdays.

Though I'm not so sure about this one. Since it makes me feel kind of sad if you ask me.

Though I’m not so sure about this one. Since it makes me feel kind of sad if you ask me.

66. So how is this supposed to be a dolphin again?

Because to me it looks like a smiling turd in the water. Disgusting.

Because to me it looks like a smiling turd in the water. Disgusting.

67. I’m sure a dog cake will find a way to your heart.

For some reason, this dog doesn't look happy. Must be the pain of having candles stuck on its back.

For some reason, this dog doesn’t look happy. Must be the pain of having candles stuck on its back.

68. Is that supposed to be a dolphin? Because it sure as hell doesn’t look like it.

The fins don't even look right on this for God's sake. Seems more like a weird penguin creature from outer space.

The fins don’t even look right on this for God’s sake. Seems more like a weird penguin creature from outer space.

69. A 10 year old girl always enjoys a microphone cake if she has singing aspirations.

For the love of God, please let this be a microphone. Because this really seems to resemble a toy mommy and daddy use that the kids aren't supposed to see.

For the love of God, please let this be a microphone. Because this really seems to resemble a toy mommy and daddy use that the kids aren’t supposed to see.

70. Since Lisa likes to shop, it’s only fair she had a cake like this.

Still, this cake doesn't send great connotations to women as materialistic fiends. Because not every woman likes to shop (I don't).

Still, this cake doesn’t send great connotations to women as materialistic fiends. Because not every woman likes to shop (I don’t).

71. Happy Birthday, beautiful, according to your self-delusion.

Now that doesn't sound very nice. Sure we're self-deluded in our looks to some extent. But that doesn't mean we should put it on a birthday cake.

Now that doesn’t sound very nice. Sure we’re self-deluded in our looks to some extent. But that doesn’t mean we should put it on a birthday cake.

72. So is this for a birthday or a bachelorette party?

Yes, I know this is inappropriate. But given the unintentionally phallic shaped birthday cakes, I thought I could include this without much outcry. Still, this isn't a cake to have in front of the kids.

Yes, I know this is inappropriate. But given the unintentionally phallic shaped birthday cakes, I thought I could include this without much outcry. Still, this isn’t a cake to have in front of the kids. Also, if you’re a woman, what does a cake like this suggest about you?

73. I’m afraid Trudi may have to cope with being disappointed.

Yeah, nobody likes to be called Turdi. They may think she's all full of crap.

Yeah, nobody likes to be called Turdi. They may think she’s all full of crap.

74. If your mom’s turning 50, this is probably not the cake to give her.

Basically it's saying that now that her youth is over, prepare for the inevitability of death. Nice touching message.

Basically it’s saying that now that her youth is over, prepare for the inevitability of death. Nice touching message.

75. Does that rocket have feet or is it just its thrusters?

Because those look like feet to me. And I think that doesn't make the rocket look right.

Because those look like feet to me. And I think that doesn’t make the triangle rocket look right.

76. Happy Birthday and never forget.

Sorry, but a 9/11 cake is really offensive and dishonorable to the memories of those who died in the attacks. Not to mention, the people who still have health problems over it. For God's sake this is wrong on so many levels. Seriously, why the hell does this cake exist?

Sorry, but a 9/11 cake is really offensive and dishonorable to the memories of those who died in the attacks. Not to mention, the people who still have health problems over it. For God’s sake this is wrong on so many levels. Seriously, why the hell does this cake exist? What the hell is wrong with people?

77. Go ahead, tell him how you really feel about him on his birthday.

But at least the tool theme is fitting. Though not sure if you should nail it in.

But at least the tool theme is fitting. Though not sure if you should nail it in.

78. Of course, a woman always wants some special treatment on her birthday.

Not sure about a cake of Ken on a fur rug. I mean that's just freaky. Sorry, but it doesn't have the same effect in icing and plastic.

Not sure about a cake of Ken on a fur rug. I mean that’s just freaky. Sorry, but it doesn’t have the same effect in icing and plastic.

79. Seems like River is a big fan of Batman and Robin.

From Cake Wrecks: "I'm not sure if "River" is the birthday person's name, or if - in the tradition of Wreckerators everywhere - the decorator just labeled the cake what it's supposed to look like. If that's the case, then s/he must have meant "cascading river of blood, cement, and mold". But, you know, that probably wouldn't have fit."

From Cake Wrecks: “I’m not sure if “River” is the birthday person’s name, or if – in the tradition of Wreckerators everywhere – the decorator just labeled the cake what it’s supposed to look like. If that’s the case, then s/he must have meant “cascading river of blood, cement, and mold”. But, you know, that probably wouldn’t have fit.”

80. They always say that a lightsaber cake is among the coolest.

But I sense a real disturbance in the Force with this one. But it's said to have a real Jedi Master's vibe so to speak. But it's not good in the cold. Take note padawans.

But I sense a real disturbance in the Force with this one. But it’s said to have a real Jedi Master’s vibe so to speak. But it’s not good in the cold. Take note padawans.

Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles for These Birthday Party Cakes (Second Edition)

12-yummy-birthday-chocolate-cakes-8

For my 26th birthday, I had thought about doing a blog post on bad vintage birthday cards. However, turns out that while finding terrible vintage holiday cards isn’t much of a challenge, this wasn’t the same with birthday cards. So realizing that such search would take forever, I decided to go with another cake post. After all, with the existence of Cake Wrecks, out there I have a lot to go with Besides, I had plenty left over from last year’s birthday cake post, which got a rather great reception. Now when you order a birthday cake, you always expect everything about it to be right. But sometimes this isn’t the case. In my last birthday cake post, I had a lot of cakes that range from age inappropriate, outright creepy, unintentionally dirty, decorated by people with no understanding of following directions, and others. So for your reading pleasure, here are a treasure trove of more disastrous birthday cakes. Some of these might not be safe for work, by the way.

  1. Seems like this person’s loved ones aren’t giving warm wishes.
4ebc0bf56a2bc

Let’s hope the recipient isn’t turning 5. Because that would be bad. Still, like the rainbow color on this, though.

2. When you have someone in your life turning 50, it’s great to give them some support.

50th-birthday-cakes-31

However, this is not what I had in mind. So I suggest that you give Lori some padding, too? Seriously, why?

3. If your boy is into the Avengers, a cupcake cake of Thor’s hammer is sure to be right for the occasion.

10710906-16972438-thumbnail

Then again, maybe this family should’ve went with Iron Man. I think a cake of Thor’s hammer may not turn out like the parents intended.

4. A monkey cake is always great for a small child’s party. Can’t have anything go wrong with that.

10710906-22063531-thumbnail

Yes, I know monkeys can eat bananas. Yes, I know that they do gross things. However, this monkey cake shouldn’t have it holding a banana at its crotch.

5. Speaking of little kids, this Barney cake should be perfect for any preschooler’s birthday party.

10710906-23570287-thumbnail

Yes, this is a very inappropriate Barney cake which will make a little girl disappointed. However, I think this is great since it makes an annoying purple dinosaur into a pink Godzilla on a rampage. It’s wonderful.

6. Of course, we all know that someone’s 16th birthday is a milestone.

10710906-23888508-thumbnail

Yes, I know that being 16 makes it legal to drive. However, 16 is also the age of sexual consent in some states as well. So “legal” here can be rather non-specific, which is kind of creepy.

7. Make sure the balloons look appropriate when you buy a birthday cake for Dad.

10710906-24037071-thumbnail

Had no idea that balloon placement could make things seem more inappropriate than they should be. Still, wonder if the family has the balls to use this one.

8. When you can’t draw something, use a decal.

10710906-24296716-thumbnail

I’m sure this girl wouldn’t appreciate a Denver Broncos logo on her cake. This assuming that she lives outside Colorado.

9. For a kid at any age, a dog birthday cake is sure to lift people’s spirits.

10710906-24354029-thumbnail

Apparently, this dog cake seems like a clinically depressed aardvark for some reason. Not sure why. Is there such a thing as canine Prozac?

10. Sometimes there are so many ways to misspell a name.

10710906-24458636-thumbnail

I believe the boy’s name is supposed to be “Patrick” not “Parik-Shit.” Let’s hope this kid is too young to read so he won’t ask what “shit” means.

11. For young girls, you can’t go wrong with a Disney princess cake.

10710906-24764058-thumbnail

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think a little girl is going to go for a birthday cake depicting Belle with Botox injections. Seriously, this cake is utterly terrifying even though it shouldn’t be.

12. Yes, turning 50 can be a major stepping stone in someone’s life.

10710906-24845690-thumbnail

Great, this cake has a diseased foot on it which really disgusting. Makes me want to lose my appetite or puke. Not sure which.

13. For the rock guitarist in your life, a cake with an electric guitar is where it’s at.

10710906-24980231-thumbnail

This guitar seems rather phallic for some reason. Not sure if it’s supposed to be. Still, let’s hope this one isn’t used for a kid’s birthday party. And leave it at that.

14. Apparently, somebody really has it in for Beth.

10710906-25184146-thumbnail

I’m sure it’s supposed to be “Beth.” I don’t think the name includes a “c.” Still, let’s she doesn’t take it too personally.

15. Happy Birthday, Mary. Oh, wait, it’s Sean’s birthday. Not Mary’s.

10710906-25184184-thumbnail

Seems like somebody got their birthdays mixed up. Luckily, the decorators managed to correct it with some bright green icing. Hope it makes Sean happy.

16. A birthday cake of a smiley face flower will brighten anyone’s day.

10710906-25394498-thumbnail

But if it’s a one-eyed smiley face flower, it’s bound to give some little kids nightmares. Seriously, that’s incredibly freaky and disturbing.

17. Hopefully, nothing will go wrong with this monkey cake.

10710906-25394951-thumbnail

Uh, maybe getting a monkey cake for your kid’s first birthday probably isn’t a good idea. Seriously, that monkey looks rather terrifying if you ask me.

18. With this birthday cake, it’s Superman to the rescue.

10710906-25495250-thumbnail

Yes, I know that Superman is supposed to be all heroic as well as fly in to save people. However, I’m not sure if having a burning building on a birthday cake should emphasize that. Don’t ask me why someone thought this was a good idea.

19. Happy birthday, Don, and say goodbye to Dora the Explorer and all her friends.

10710906-25620662-thumbnail

I guess the hunter already shot Dora and her buddies are dragging her away. Yeah, you get such hunting accidents like these. But maybe this bunch shouldn’t have been in the woods at this time, too.

20. Excuse me, but can anyone tell me  who Adam with Blue Flowers is?

10710906-25752269-thumbnail

Well, at least they got the blue flowers on the cake. Still, did they have to spell it out on the icing? Seriously, it’s kind of distracting.

21. Whoever this cake is for, let’s hope she doesn’t take it personally.

10710906-25815961-thumbnail

Is it supposed to be “Cali Girl?” Still, I wonder who’s receiving it understands what a “call girl” is. If she does, she’ll probably be pissed.

22. Happy Birthday, Cody, and take good care of your brains.

10710906-25822305-thumbnail

A brain on a cake? Now that’s gross. Makes you wonder if this guy is a fan of The Walking Dead. Then again, it’s implied that he’s seven.

23. Nothing makes a happy birthday than a cake with an ashtray full of cigarettes.

10710906-26757191-thumbnail

I don’t know about you, but I tend to see the sight of an ashtray as depressing as it is disgusting. As a cake, I see it no differently.

24. Seems like Jason is a real jerk and no one seems to make that a secret.

article-2197717-14D16984000005DC-118_634x356

Yes, just rub it in, I tell you. Wonder why Jason didn’t do anything for the other person’s birthday. Then again, he’s probably an ungrateful asshole to get a cake like this.

25. Guess this cake is for an old guy who’s not well-endowed.

bad_birthday_cake

Well, at least this cakes honest. But did they have to put it on a cake? Wonder if this birthday boy drives a Hummer or tries to compensate. Still, at least this one has some candy on it.

26. Relax, guys, it just so happens that his name is Dick and that he likes tools.

Birthday-46

However, I can see why a cake like this might make some guys squirm. Yeah, the mention of “Dick” surrounded by tools could do that for them.

27. For young girls who like fairy tales, this frog prince cake will do nicely for their birthday.

cake-fail-0-jpg

Of course, writing on a cake isn’t the best way to ask for a spell check. Seriously, it’s going to a family later for some girl’s birthday. “Plese Prooffreed This Kake” should not be on there.

28. When it comes to birthday cakes, you can’t go wrong with a mustache, assuming it’s for a guy.

chocolate-mustache-cake-54a3705e6bad5

This mustache cake would be perfectly appropriate for a man’s birthday. However, this is for a 30-year-old woman named Annie. Let’s just say women don’t like being seen having mustaches.

29. Nothing makes a great birthday cake than one of gummy worm  infested skeletons in the ground.

 

Drew9Bday002

Because if you want to celebrate a 9-year-old’s birthday, then you have to find some way to remind them about their inevitable mortality. And how their bodies will eventually decay and be infested with bugs. Very disgusting to think about it.

30. Nothing says “happy birthday” than a cake reminding that you’re engaging in destructive health habits.

iChat-Image_918907109__full

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think the term “alcoholic in training” is a compliment. That decal of a woman in athletic gear just seems to make it more absurd.

31. Seems like Tinkerbell messed with the wrong side of the Force.

jessica%2Bh.ow.tinkerbell%2Bdarth%2Bvader

No, Tink, you don’t want to mess with Darth Vader. He’s not a nice guy and doesn’t tolerate mischief whatsoever. Also, that lightsaber will kill you if he swings it at you.

32. Sorry to annoy parents, but I had to post this Barney cake.

10710906-16135517-thumbnail

Hey, I didn’t say it was a cake of Barney doing anything nice. Rather this is him flipping the bird like he would in traffic. As the song says, “I fuck you, you fuck me, you’d be shocked of my attorney’s fee…”

33. For a little girl’s birthday, you can’t go wrong with a pony cake.

10710906-24391410-thumbnail

I don’t know about you but this pony looks as if it’s been impaled on the side and is now sinking in some swamp. Not a very happy sight. Poor thing.

34. This family tried to get a cake like an newspaper for their 80-year-old grandpa. Hope that went well.

10710906-25620607-thumbnail

I don’t think this is what they had in mind. But I’m sure they would have to do. Still, doesn’t seem like a great newspaper to me. The words are written along the columns.

35. For strong girls who love Disney, I suppose a Brave birthday cake would be appropriate.

10710906-24485762-thumbnail

And it seems that this cake depicts Princess Merida on clean up duty. Or are those turds supposed to be foliage. Still, someone better explain themselves because it seems that Merida has just stepped in some large pile of cow manure.

36. I suppose any boy would surely love having a Buzz Lightyear cake for their birthday.

10710906-16776245-thumbnail

Okay, that’s bound to give 3-year-olds nightmares. Buzz Lightyear wasn’t meant to haunt people’s dreams. But I think this decorator sees him differently for some reason.

37. Those who were preteens and teens in the last decade might remember Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana.

enhanced-buzz-7484-1329163202-60

Seems to have looked a lot creepier than I remember. And they thought she’d went on the deep end when she did her performance at the VMAs or in that “Wrecking Ball” video.

38. Nothing makes a better birthday cake than one with lots of green icing on it.

10710906-24544362-thumbnail

This cake looks so messed up that I can barely read the words on it. Seriously, it looks as is someone puked green on it.

39. Nothing says “happy birthday” than a cake engulfed in flames.

10710906-24496296-thumbnail

Not sure if I think a cake in flames is appropriate for someone’s birthday. Still, even for flames, these are pretty lame.

40. Seems like who ordered this cake may not have high opinions of Dave and Steve.

10710906-24554100-thumbnail

Guess Dave on this cake might be a little light in the loafers. And for all I know, Uncle Steve might be on some sex offender list somewhere. Let’s hope they’re not in a relationship.

41. For a birthday cake, you can’t do better than with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Jack Daniels for a 25th birthday cake surprise

To be fair, this is for someone who is 25. Still, A bottle of Jack Daniels as a cake like that seems kind of depressing if you really think about it. Seems like Sam might need help.

42. Happy Birthday, Dick. I’m sorry, I mean Matt. We’re just screwing with you.

5bd8aab1ef7ca7d5898dc4e4460fe1ce

Too bad, already written down. Should’ve ordered a cake with someone who knows how to follow directions. Now that seems cruel.

43. When you turn 40, sometimes you feel that your life is going down the toilet.

33200b50576cec2e7026843bfdb903ca

Well, on the bright side, this doesn’t seem like a hard cake to make. Still, why they have to include the turds? That’s gross.

44. When you’re getting old, you might feel like you’re having a crisis.

10710906-14353130-thumbnail

Hope this person isn’t going through a midlife crisis. Or a health crisis. Still, not sure if you want that on a birthday cake.

45. Of course, a lot of girls would adore a Barbie birthday cake.

Picture 18227

Well, Ryan can be a girl’s name. However, how many girls named Ryan do you know? Exactly. Still, I know a few guys named Ryan I went to school with though.

46. Nothing makes a little girl’s dream like a birthday cake of Princess Chewbacca.

princess-chewbacca-cake-2

Yes, this is Chewie in a dress. And yes, it’s like having the Beauty and the Beast in the same persona. Hey, laugh it up, fuzzball.

47. Nothing makes a better birthday cake for an 8-year-old than one of the Black Death.

coolest-horrible-history-birthday-cake-21654009

To be fair, this was made on purpose in light of a popular TV show in Britain. Still, Americans might not understand and think it’s gross. I hope one of professors doesn’t use a cake like that for his son’s birthday.

48. If you were around during the 2000s, you might remember the Jonas Brothers. Here’s a cake of them.

enhanced-buzz-29441-1329163352-46

49. When you want to have your birthday cake in a different language, maybe you shouldn’t order it retail.

6a00e54f10a098883401b8d13ec8f6970c-600wi

Whoever got this one should’ve ordered a blank cake and put the Chinese characters on it themselves. C’mon, what are the chances that a cake decorator in retail knows any Chinese?

50. Sometimes when you have two kids with birthdays and can only afford one cake, they might as well have to share.

mom+is+cheap

Hope this cake doesn’t give any indication of how the Philadelphia Eagles were doing that season. I mean Eeyore isn’t the most sunny character from Winnie the Pooh. Still, must suck for siblings to share a cake. They should’ve went generic.

51. You can’t have a great birthday without a cake of a Chipoltle burrito.

maxresdefault

Of course, right now you probably wouldn’t want a Chipoltle burrito cake for your birthday. Now that you think about it, with the E. Coli and Novovirus outbreaks, you don’t want to go anywhere near one.

52. Of course, clowns tend to be a popular birthday cake motif, especially for kids.

Jessica_E_clown_cake

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think “clown massacre” is a great theme for a birthday cake. In fact, I don’t think it’s a great theme for any cake. This is horrifying.

53. A lot of 21st birthday cakes have drinking, this is the cake that expresses how some feel the day after.

The-Hangover-Cake

Actually, waking up with a hangover isn’t any fun. So why have a cake depicting one, I have no idea. Still, least it’s better than having a cake of the movie.

54. When it comes to birthday cakes, you can’t go wrong with Harry Potter.

10710906-23248580-thumbnail

Seems like this Harry Potter cake has an acne outbreak and is totally emo teen mode. Also, where the hell is his lightning bolt scar on his forehead? Must be under the bangs.

55. When it comes to Barbie doll cakes, they’re always decked in pretty dress. Not sure about this one.

Now-this-is-birthday-cake.-Happy-Birthday-Jay.-11thr

Oh, my God, this Barbie has a beard. Guess this was originally for a girl and was made to look as manly as possible. Now it seems like some transvestite in a white frilly dress. Probably a lumberjack.

56. For the little boy who loves trains, a Thomas the Tank Engine birthday cake is just the ticket.

6a0133f30ae399970b01543729b1e5970c-pi

I don’t know about you. But it looks as if Thomas might be going off the rails. Is there any form of anger management at Shining Time Station? Because his rail rage might cause some accidents.

57. Happy 8th Birthday, Billy. Oh, wait, congratulations, Joe.

10710906-23317835-thumbnail

Seems like the decorator assumed that no one will notice. Please don’t mind the stuff they crossed out.

58. Of course, do you remember the time when Justin Bieber was popular? Still, there’s a birthday cake for him.

7717993

Never cared for Justin Bieber. Think he’s a scrawny twit if you ask me. Seriously, kill it. Kill it with fire.

59. Happy Birthday, Theresa. Here’s a cake you can surely sniff up to.

teresa-birthday-cake-blurred

A coke hat cake? Seriously, that’s crazy. Oh, and it includes ecstasy. Okay, why does this cake even exist is my question. I mean why?

60. For her birthday, let no grass grow under her feet.

10710906-25732139-thumbnail

When they say, “Let no grass grow under her feet,” it’s usually not a compliment. Also, this cake is filled with some grammatical errors as well.

61. Now this Thomas the Tank Engine carnival birthday cake is great for any kid’s party.

carnivalthomasthetraincake

Uh, did anyone get the memo that Peter has a nut allergy? I don’t think that’s something you put on cake. Not sure if this resulted in Peter breaking in hives.

62. For someone’s birthday, a bumblebee cake is always nice.

bumblebeecake

However, a cake with a bumblebee being pursued by a flamethrower, not so much. Seriously, why does this even exist? Why?

63. Happy Birthday to Heather and Susan, but more emphasis on Susan.

ec10377d1c21fa9188f3b2771b8cf5f9

Yeah, I think this cake decorator has no idea how to follow directions. Also, I think this birthday cake is bound to make Heather feel disappointed.

64. Happy birthday and sorry about the soap.

birthdaysoap

Yeah, I think the soap is a bad idea. Still, let’s not hope it’s in the cake. That would be bad. Really bad.

65. Happy birthday, Dave, and remember to get a colonoscopy.

a96877_a543_2-butt-cake

Then again, that’s a cigar burning on his butt. Which begs the question, why the hell does this cake even exist? Seriously, why?

66. Those who love Ghostbusters will adore this birthday cake.

bad-cakes-ghostbusters-not-special-jpg

Well, at least they’re honest. Still, that message, “you’re not special” gotta hurt. You really don’t want that on your birthday cake.

67. Celebrate your birthday with a cake of Lil’ Wayne.

enhanced-buzz-9772-1329167491-0

Okay, I know the guy’s a rapper. But this one makes him seem like he’s a straight up horror movie villain. And the licorice dreads don’t help at all.

68. Nothing makes a better first birthday cake than one from Family Guy?

iChat-Image_1330468159__full

I know this was probably the parents’ idea. But still, Family Guy is a show for adults with adult jokes. A monkey cake would make more sense.

69. When it comes to little girl birthday cakes, you can’t go wrong with a castle.

10710906-24766145-thumbnail

I don’t know about you but those towers don’t look right. To me they kind of resemble a trio of flowery dildos. Definitely not what you’d want on a cake for a little girl’s birthday.

70. Those who grew up with The Magic School Bus will enjoy this birthday cake of Ms. Frizzle.

2935699546_ea5dbe24a7

Wait a minute, that’s supposed to be of musical artist Tori Amos. My bad. And a very bad rendition of her, too. Seriously, that doesn’t look right.

71. Of course, I couldn’t do a birthday cake post without including one of My Little Pony.

phzhbx5a0w1

Well, this cake just says “My Little Pony,” so the birthday girl in this situation will have to use her imagination. Which is kind of a shame because the decorator didn’t know how to follow directions.

72. This 14-year-old girl’s birthday cake will bring you to tears.

phokibdsqo1

Or rather, tears of, wait, is that supposed to be blood? Sure looks like it. So why did anyone think this was a good idea for a birthday cake? Why?

73. Since Frozen is all the rage, I just had to include a birthday cake of Queen Elsa.

10710906-24798178-thumbnail

Now that hardly resembles Elsa at all. More like a cartoony Queen Marie Antoinette dressed like Elsa for Halloween. They should’ve used a decal instead.

74. Happy 35th Birthday and sorry, I can’t draw a unicorn.

10710906-26745474-thumbnail

Well, I have to admire the decorator’s honesty. Then again, they might just have been repeating what the customer ordered. Either way, doesn’t look great on a cake.

75. Girls who love Disney princesses will surely adore this Cinderella birthday cake.

phhl3nphic1

I’m afraid Cinderella hasn’t aged very well. That, or she’s been having a lot of plastic surgery over the years that has gone horribly wrong. I’m not sure which.

76. Happy birthday, and by the way, you’re fat.

10710906-25184143-thumbnail

Yeah, I think having “Happy Birthday Chubby” on a cake is bound to cause someone to have either a lower self-image or lose their temper. Please, don’t try to risk either.

77. All what this cake should say is, “Happy Birthday.”

ph0qh9ji1w1

Seems like someone took some customer’s directions a bit more literal than they should. Seriously, all they had to write was “Happy Birthday.” How hard could it be?

78. For small children, you can’t go wrong with an Elmo birthday cake.

776460d576547c15b50812c1d1a225aa

To be fair, the birthday girl in this situation was sharing a birthday with her dad. However, it does seem like Elmo’s being naughty at a strip club. Seriously, couldn’t they just put a pickup truck for God’s sake?

79. All right, who the hell is L Hyphen A (With Sprinkles)?

3213954982_ecf2b5f563_b

Seems like this cake decorator put down exactly just what the customer ordered. Just not how they wanted it. That’s how you get cakes like these.

80. A guy who likes action movies would always like a birthday cake with Chuck Norris.

ugly-cake

This cake is so wrong on so many levels. For one, that doesn’t look like Chuck Norris. Second, the grammar is horrible. Oh, that’s supposed to be “doesn’t cry”. Well, the spacing’s too close. Third, an assault weapon, really?

Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles for These Birthday Party Cakes

GFB_13_SCA6AMERBTY_CH1837_W1_SQ

My birthday is on January 13th in which I’ll turn 25 this year and since I don’t have many ideas for January that involve cakes (save maybe Martin Luther King Jr. Day but I don’t want to go there), I thought a post about birthday cakes would be appropriate. I mean I’ve done one on baby shower and wedding cakes, so why not? Nevertheless, birthdays are usually celebrated with cakes and presents for the guest of honor at parties and such. Still, when you get technical about birthdays, you basically only have one of them such as the day you were born. The rest of what we call, “birthdays” are basically anniversaries of that moment as we get older. Of course, I’ve also been to a lot of birthday parties as well, mainly for little babies since I’m the oldest of 24 grandchildren on my mother’s side (the youngest who celebrated her first birthday this year, but I didn’t go to her party since she lives in Maryland), which is why I really don’t look forward to parties in general (other reasons being booze and loud music). Still, it’s always been tradition for people to have cakes specifically designed for them whether it be homemade or ordered from the store (the main focus of this post). And I bet birthday cakes make up a large percentage of bakeries’ earnings followed by weddings, christenings, anniversaries, etc. Though I can go on and on about the cute little birthday cakes I’ve seen, chances are you’d probably be bored to tears. Instead, I’ll show you all the kinds of cakes that are, horribly done, inappropriate for the birthday person’s age, offensive, or just so bad they’re unintentionally funny. Some of these might not be safe for work just to make that clear. So for your pleasure, here are some birthday cakes, gone horribly wrong.

1. What better cake for a boy’s birthday than a Star Wars one, featuring Jedi with light sabers, Boba Fett, Imperial Stormtroopers, and the Enterprise?

Let's hope this 7-year-old boy isn't part of the Star Wars vs. Star Trek fandom rivalry or else he's probably throw a tantrum. Still, we all should know that the Enterprise is from a whole different franchise! Such cake would certainly piss geeks off, at Comic Con and I'm sure this baker wouldn't want to be seen there.

Let’s hope this 7-year-old boy isn’t part of the Star Wars vs. Star Trek fandom rivalry or else he’s probably throw a tantrum. Still, we all should know that the Enterprise is from a whole different franchise! Such cake would certainly piss geeks off, at Comic Con and I’m sure this baker wouldn’t want to be seen there.

2. Nothing is better for a girl’s 21st birthday than a cake with Drunk Barbie puking in the toilet.

And I thought Barbie was supposed to be a good role model for girls, other than in terms of body image that is. Still, binge drinking is a real problem of teenagers and young adults, especially on college campuses. And it's a behavior that should never be encouraged. Still, they have a few of these and one with Ken, too, for boys.

And I thought Barbie was supposed to be a good role model for girls, other than in terms of body image that is. Still, binge drinking is a real problem of teenagers and young adults, especially on college campuses. And it’s a behavior that should never be encouraged. Still, they have a few of these and one with Ken, too, for boys.

3. Happy Birthday to the world’s youngest dad ever.

Now I think it's more likely that this was an inscriber's mistake and the guy who receives this is probably 80, not 8. Still, it's very disturbing if you think about it since a boy's chances of fatherhood in the second grade would be highly unlikely. That is, unless some woman molested him.

Now I think it’s more likely that this was an inscriber’s mistake and the guy who receives this is probably 80, not 8. Still, it’s very disturbing if you think about it since a boy’s chances of fatherhood in the second grade would be highly unlikely. That is, unless some woman molested him.

4. Happy birthday to the person who might need to see a podiatrist.

I know that this foot is supposed to represent a step or something. But still, that looks disgusting. Let's just say no to a cake pertaining to foot disease, shall we?

I know that this foot is supposed to represent a step or something. But still, that looks disgusting. Let’s just say no to a cake pertaining to foot disease, shall we?

5. For the girl who’s just become a teenager, I suppose a cake with boobs would go quite nicely.

For God's sake, as if sexualizing young girls and teenagers isn't enough. Seriously, sure girls may have breasts by the time they're 13, but that's no reason for getting a boob cake for them on their 13th birthdays! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this girl's parents?

For God’s sake, as if sexualizing young girls and teenagers isn’t enough. Seriously, sure girls may have breasts by the time they’re 13, but that’s no reason for getting a boob cake for them on their 13th birthdays! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this girl’s parents?

6. There is a no more appropriate cake for a 16-year old than one with the Bud Light logo on it….when he or she turns 21 five years later.

Seriously, what the fuck? Putting a Bud Light logo for a 16 year old's birthday cake? Teen drinking is illegal and anyone caught with a Bud Light gets arrested for under aged drinking. It's even worse for adults who serve alcohol to teens. For God's sake, why?

Seriously, what the fuck? Putting a Bud Light logo for a 16 year old’s birthday cake? Teen drinking is illegal and anyone caught with a Bud Light gets arrested for under aged drinking. It’s even worse for adults who serve alcohol to teens. For God’s sake, why?

7. Happy 17th birthday, baby girl, and hope you don’t go into labor at prom.

Those who've seen my post on baby shower cakes would be familiar with this design. And if a pregnant torso cake is bad enough for a baby shower, then one for girl's 17th birthday is just very inappropriate. Seriously, we have 16 and Pregnant, daytime talk shows, and Teen Mom, do we have to have anything else pertaining to teen pregnancy?

Those who’ve seen my post on baby shower cakes would be familiar with this design, which I thought was in very poor taste. And if a pregnant torso cake is bad enough for a baby shower, then one for girl’s 17th birthday is just very inappropriate. Seriously, we have 16 and Pregnant, sex ed, daytime talk shows, and Teen Mom, do we have to have anything else pertaining to teen pregnancy?

8. Sure I’m perfectly fine with a castle cake for a little girl’s birthday party, especially if it has a princess theme. What can possibly go wrong with that?

Then again, perhaps this cake isn't appropriate for Aubrie's birthday party and perhaps more suitable for her bachelorette party when she gets older. Seriously, there's just something phallic about those pink castle towers for some reason. Maybe the baker shouldn't have gone with cones.

Then again, perhaps this cake isn’t appropriate for Aubrie’s birthday party and perhaps more suitable for her bachelorette party when she gets older. Seriously, there’s just something phallic about those pink castle towers for some reason. Maybe the baker shouldn’t have gone with cones.

9. Happy 4th Birthday, Dylan, and by the way, we had Peanut put down.

The parents probably thought their plan was a success since their son Dylan still hadn't learned to read. But still, if Peanut had died when Dylan turned 5, then he probably would've ran out of the room crying. Nevertheless, is there any birthday cake for a 4-year-old more depressing than this?

The parents probably thought their plan was a success since their son Dylan still hadn’t learned to read. But still, if Peanut had died when Dylan turned 5, then he probably would’ve ran out of the room crying. Nevertheless, is there any birthday cake for a 4-year-old more depressing than this?

10. Happy Birthday, to uh, what’s his name again?

Of course, if you're the person at the office who has to order a cake for a co-worker and you can't remember his or her name, then this is the perfect cake for you.

Of course, if you’re the person at the office who has to order a cake for a co-worker and you can’t remember his or her name, then this is the perfect cake for you.

11. Nothing makes a better birthday cake for a 6-year-old girl than one with a lot of dangerous weapons that can kill you, courtesy of the NRA.

Why the fuck would anybody order a birthday cake like that for a little girl? Now gender differences aside, I think a cake pertaining to Disney Princesses, Barbie, or My Little Pony would've been more appropriate. Also, cakes that look pink and feminine as well as catered to little girls. Any of those choices would've been much more appropriate than having a theme for a little girl's cake that advocates violence. I just wonder what's going through Mercedes' parents' minds.

Why the fuck would anybody order a birthday cake like that for a little girl? Now I have nothing against this cake being for a girl. Yet, I think a cake pertaining to Disney Princesses, Barbie, or My Little Pony would’ve done fine (same goes for boys as well). Also, cakes that look pink and feminine as well as catered to little girls (though if boys like that, that’s okay, too). Any of those choices would’ve been much more appropriate for any 6 year old’s cake than a theme advocating violence. I just wonder what’s going through Mercedes’ parents’ minds (NRA diehards who probably did this to show their support for the 2nd Amendment, assholes). This is just fucking insane!

12. Of course, what better venue could there be for a baby’s first birthday than Hooters?

Jesus Christ, can there be a worse place to celebrate a baby's first birthday than at a restaurant known for their scantily clad waitresses with enhanced sex appeal? Then again, there are strip clubs and night clubs. Still, just E. J. is the child of one of the staff.

Jesus Christ, can there be a worse place to celebrate a baby’s first birthday than at a restaurant known for their scantily clad waitresses with enhanced sex appeal? Then again, there are strip clubs and night clubs. Still, just E. J. is the child of one of the staff.

13. No cake theme commemorates a baby’s first birthday better than deer hunting season.

Sure the scenery may be pretty and S. J. won't remember a thing about this special day. But, c'mon, is a cake depicting the last moments of a buck's life an appropriate subject for a first birthday cake? Perhaps it would be better just to remove the hunter.

Sure the scenery may be pretty and S. J. won’t remember a thing about this special day. But, c’mon, is a cake depicting the last moments of a buck’s life an appropriate subject for a first birthday cake? Perhaps it would be better just to remove the hunter.

14. Man, turning a year old must be a big milestone in a person’s life isn’t it?

If by, Levi, you mean your pet hamster, then yes, I'm sure this will do fine since they only live for 2-4 years anyway. However, if by Levi, you mean your child, then what the hell? One year olds are still babies who might be on the verge of walking if they aren't all ready. That isn't over the hill at all. Not even close. That's barely climbing it.

If by, Levi, you mean your pet hamster, then yes, I’m sure this will do fine since they only live for 2-4 years anyway. However, if by Levi, you mean your child, then what the hell? One year olds are still babies who might be on the verge of walking if they aren’t all ready. That isn’t over the hill at all. Not even close even for Benjamin Button. That’s barely climbing it.

15. Happy second, I mean first birthday little Ritchie. I’m confused.

Maybe the boy's parents couldn't get a cake shaped like a 1 so they got him a 2 cake instead. Either that, or the bakers made a mistake. Still, talk about getting your years mixed up.

Maybe the boy’s parents couldn’t get a cake shaped like a 1 so they got him a 2 cake instead. Either that, or the bakers made a mistake. Still, talk about getting your years mixed up.

16. Now this is certainly a first birthday cake with a 1 on it or so it’s suppose to be.

Okay, now that may not look like a 1. Seriously, there's something phallic about that number for some reason. Nevertheless, if a baker can't do a 1 properly, he or she could just have cut a straight line. This cake seems like it's more cut out for a bachelorette party than a baby one.

Okay, now that may not look like a 1. Seriously, there’s something phallic about that number for some reason. Nevertheless, if a baker can’t do a 1 properly, he or she could just have cut a straight line. This cake seems like it’s more cut out for a bachelorette party than a baby one.

17. Best wishes for your second birthday, John, courtesy of angry Big Bird.

If Sesame Street's Big Bird was a character from the Angry Birds game, he'd look like this. Seriously, that's such a a terrible rendition and I'm sure every 2 year old would know that Big Bird doesn't look like that.

If Sesame Street’s Big Bird was a character from the Angry Birds game, he’d look like this. Seriously, that’s such a a terrible rendition and I’m sure every 2 year old would know that Big Bird doesn’t look like that.

18. Hope your birthday is filled with high times, Tawn.

If this cake is made from hashish brownies, then it's safe to say that it probably came from a marijuana bakery from Colorado or Washington. Still, other than the brown patch in the corner, it's a birthday cake Willie Nelson would approve.

If this cake is made from hashish brownies, then it’s safe to say that it probably came from a marijuana bakery from Colorado or Washington. Still, other than the brown patch in the corner, it’s a birthday cake Willie Nelson would approve. Hope the guests manage to toke a piece from this pastry of weed.

19. Happy Birthday, Mel, from your defecating My Little Pony.

Seems that Rarity doesn't take too well to Mexican food for some reason. Either that, or she has a case for diarrhea real bad with a perhaps spastic colon. Guess she should go see the vet about that.

Seems that Rarity (and I had to look her name up) doesn’t take too well to Mexican food for some reason. Either that, or she has a case for diarrhea real bad with a perhaps spastic colon. Guess she should go see the vet about that. Yet, her shitting is a rarity, folks.

19. Of course, you can’t throw a kid’s birthday party without a cake of Cookie Monster having a beer.

Sure cookies may not be nutritious snacks, but at least they're better for Cookie Monster to consume on a child's birthday cake than a swig of beer. Seriously, Cookie Monster's alcohol consumption really isn't making him a good role model on Sesame Street. Still, I kind of wish Cooke Monster would go back to eating cookies.

Sure cookies may not be nutritious snacks, but at least they’re better for Cookie Monster to consume on a child’s birthday cake than a swig of beer. Seriously, Cookie Monster’s alcohol consumption really isn’t making him a good role model on Sesame Street. Still, I kind of wish Cooke Monster would go back to eating cookies. And is that pink spot a nipple? Gross!

20. Happy a-5th Birthday, Tony, courtesy of the 1970s porn incarnation of Mario.

Sure Mario may be wearing overalls, but this isn't really a picture of him I'd like to see on a child's birthday cake, especially for a 5-year-old. Still, Princess Peach must've thought Mario looked sexy in that outfit.

Sure Mario may be wearing overalls, but this isn’t really a picture of him I’d like to see on a child’s birthday cake, especially for a 5-year-old. Still, Princess Peach must’ve thought Mario looked sexy in that outfit.

21. Happy 40th birthday, Shelley, from the Dominatrix Hello Kitty.

This is the kind of birthday cake you give to a woman who has a thing for Hello Kitty as well as the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy. What would even be funnier would be if Hello Kitty was with a grey Tomcat in this one. Nevertheless, unlike some of the other cakes so far, this is at least age appropriate despite its disturbing implications.

This is the kind of birthday cake you give to a woman who has a thing for Hello Kitty as well as the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy. What would even be funnier would be if Hello Kitty was with a grey Tomcat in this one. Nevertheless, unlike some of the other cakes so far, this is at least age appropriate and doesn’t promote bad behavior despite its disturbing implications.

22. Nothing makes a better birthday cake than one depicting a standing 2 legged horse with chainsaws.

If Leatherface wanted a pony when he was growing up, this bronco would've been perfect. Still, whoever came up with this idea must not have been right in the head to say the least. That, or probably thought a cake with a horse and chainsaws would've been cool.

If Leatherface wanted a pony when he was growing up, this bronco would’ve been perfect. Still, whoever came up with this idea must not have been right in the head to say the least. That, or probably thought a cake with a horse and chainsaws would’ve been cool.

23. You see, kids, unicorns do expel rainbows from their behinds.

Of course, we all know that horses shit a lot, do we? Still, unlike the boob cake, this is certainly appropriate for a 13 year old girl. Disgusting, but appropriate.

Of course, we all know that horses shit a lot, do we? Still, unlike the boob cake, this is certainly appropriate for a 13 year old girl. Disgusting, but appropriate.

24. Nothing says, “Happy Birthday” better for a girl than a dangerous impaling unicorn on the rampage.

Still, while the other unicorn cake was probably accidental in the design, this one was probably done on purpose. I'm sure Katherine isn't a young girl in the least. Still, despite being traumatizing to kids, it's pretty funny.

Still, while the other unicorn cake was probably accidental in the design, this one was probably done on purpose. I’m sure Katherine isn’t a young girl in the least. Still, despite being traumatizing to kids, it’s pretty funny.

25. Happy Birthday, Scott, from Shitting Bull.

Of course, with Scott being at least a teenager, I'm sure he'd find a cake like this hilarious. Seriously, there's a lot of bathroom humor on Comedy Central, which is a channel popular for boys his age.

Of course, with Scott being at least a teenager, I’m sure he’d find a cake like this hilarious. Seriously, there’s a lot of bathroom humor on Comedy Central, which is a channel popular for boys his age.

26. Of course, for a 4 year old girl, you can’t go wrong with a horse cake.

Man, that horse sure looks creepy and it doesn't seem in the mood for sugar cubes. Perhaps it's after little girls' souls.

Man, that horse sure looks creepy and it doesn’t seem in the mood for sugar cubes. Perhaps it’s after little girls’ souls. Still, at least it doesn’t look like it’s from The Godfather.

27. Now this would be a perfect cake for someone in the exterminating business.

Then again, the dead hamster on its wheel kind of suggests that it wasn't ordered by a person who had much esteem for the guest of honor. In fact, he or she is probably someone who let the other person watch their pet hamster who died while he or she was on vacation. Still, it's possible that the hamster probably was 2-4 years old and died of natural causes.

Then again, the dead hamster on its wheel kind of suggests that it wasn’t ordered by a person who had much esteem for the guest of honor. In fact, he or she is probably someone who let the other person watch their pet hamster who died while he or she was on vacation. Still, it’s possible that the hamster probably was 2-4 years old and died of natural causes.

28. Looks like somebody doesn’t like Jarman.

This cake was supposed to say, "Happy Birthday, Jarman/You're an ace." Guess that someone really doesn't know the difference between "ass" or "ace" or the person ordering it just had really bad handwriting.

This cake was supposed to say, “Happy Birthday, Jarman/You’re an ace.” Guess that someone really doesn’t know the difference between “ass” or “ace” or the person ordering it just had really bad handwriting.

29. Of course, when it comes to little girl birthday cakes, you can’t go wrong with Disney Princesses.

Okay, some baker managed to make many of the Disney princesses I grew up with seem strangely terrifying for some reason. Seriously, these look so freaky looking.

Okay, some baker managed to make many of the Disney princesses I grew up with seem strangely terrifying for some reason. Seriously, these look so freaky looking.

30. Happy 3rd Birthday, Princess Alyssa, from drunken skank whore Belle.

Man, and I thought Belle was supposed to be one of the best role models of all the Disney Princesses, sans the Stockholm Syndrome involved. Not to mention, Beauty and the Beast was my favorite Disney movie as a little girl. My childhood is ruined.

Man, and I thought Belle was supposed to be one of the best role models of all the Disney Princesses, sans the Stockholm Syndrome involved. Not to mention, Beauty and the Beast was my favorite Disney movie as a little girl. My childhood is ruined.

31. Now perhaps Snow White is a safe cake idea. What can go wrong with her?

Yikes! For God's sake what's with the hand coming out from her dress? Seriously, that's just terrifying if you ask me. That's not normal at all.

Yikes! For God’s sake what’s with the hand coming out from her dress? Seriously, that’s just terrifying if you ask me. That’s not normal at all.

32. Okay, so perhaps a princess birthday cake doesn’t need to be from Disney then.

So I suppose that this is the princess from "The Frog Prince" story transformed into a menacing evil sorceress. Then again, from what I read about it, the frog was kind of an asshole who thought she owed him sex after he found her golden ball from the well.

So I suppose that this is the princess from “The Frog Prince” story transformed into a menacing evil sorceress. Then again, from what I read about it, the frog was kind of an asshole who thought she owed him sex after he found her golden ball from the well.

33. Happy Birthday, to the unemployed 34-year-old person who hasn’t moved out of his or parents’ house yet.

Even funnier is that hist cake is decorated with a pacifier and Barbie rings. Still, the message is kind of sad yet fairly funny at the same time.

Even funnier is that hist cake is decorated with a pacifier and Barbie rings. Still, the message is kind of sad yet fairly funny at the same time.

35. Nothing makes a better birthday cake than one depicting a person guillotining him or herself.

Then again, Neil may just be a professor of history who's area of expertise is the French Revolution. Still, quite gory if you ask me and very likely to traumatize children.

Then again, Neil may just be a professor of history who’s area of expertise is the French Revolution. Still, quite gory if you ask me and guaranteed to traumatize children.

36. Now what better cake for a 4 year old boy than one depicting his favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? What can possibly go wrong with that?

Seems like life hasn't been going too well for Leonardo. Yet, why try to stab himself in the head for God's sake? Still, better call the suicidal hotline, pronto.

Seems like life hasn’t been going too well for Leonardo. Yet, why try to stab himself in the head for God’s sake? Still, better call the suicidal hotline, pronto.

37. A Buzz Lightyear cake. Surely, nothing bad can happen here.

Okay, so is Buzz Lightyear supposed to be an Egyptian Pharaoh or a space explorer. Having seen Toy Story, I'd say space explorer but he looks pretty stiff like a Pharaoh's sarcophagus.

Okay, so is Buzz Lightyear supposed to be an Egyptian Pharaoh or a space explorer. Having seen Toy Story, I’d say space explorer but he looks pretty stiff like a Pharaoh’s sarcophagus.

38. I’m sure a 3-year-old would delight in this Dora the Explorer cake.

Okay, so this baker seems to have done the unthinkable. Make the adorable Dora the Explorer utterly terrifying through the motif of of Pre-Columbian art or just plain terrible artistry. Still, this cake is bound to give little Lily nightmares when she sees this. Jesus Christ.

Okay, so this baker seems to have done the unthinkable. Make the adorable Dora the Explorer utterly terrifying through the motif of of Pre-Columbian art or just plain terrible artistry. Still, this cake is bound to give little Lily nightmares when she sees this. Jesus Christ.

39. Of course, clowns are often a theme of many kids’ cakes. Apparently parents seem to find them acceptable decor for some reason. Let’s see how this one figures out.

Actually I think clowns are quite freaky, lame, and perhaps scary. Unsurprisingly, I find this horrifying for obvious reasons. May lead any small child into a lifetime of therapy.

Actually I think clowns are quite freaky, lame, and perhaps scary. Unsurprisingly, I find this horrifying for obvious reasons. May lead any small child into a lifetime of therapy.

40. Now I’m sure a caterpillar is perfect for a baby’s first birthday cake. Nothing can go wrong with that.

Now I don't know about you but that is perhaps the scariest caterpillar I've ever seen. Makes me unlikely to want to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar ever again.

Now I don’t know about you but that is perhaps the scariest caterpillar I’ve ever seen. Makes me unlikely to want to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar ever again.

41. Oh, boy, a baseball cake. Perhaps there may be some scandals with steroid use in the MLB but I’m sure this is a perfectly appropriate cake theme for a boy’s birthday.

Okay, that now that long phallic thing certainly looks woody but it in now way resembles a baseball bat to me. Yet, I'm not sure if this 6-year-old birthday boy seems to notice. If he does, then he might find it funny.

Okay, that now that long phallic log certainly looks woody and hard but it in now way resembles a baseball bat to me. Yet, I’m not sure if this 6-year-old birthday boy seems to notice. If he does, then he might find it funny. Not sure if it would hit a home run with the parents though.

42. Now I’m sure a bear won’t do any harm for a baby boy’s first birthday cake.

For those who've learned how to write in cursive, you'd know exactly why I included this cake on this post. By the way, the boy''s name in question is supposed to be, "Tucker." Yeah. The bear is fine, by the way.

For those who’ve learned how to write in cursive, you’d know exactly why I included this cake on this post. By the way, the boy”s name in question is supposed to be, “Tucker.” Yeah. The bear is fine, by the way.

43. Happy first Birthday, Vanessa, from the homicidal giraffe.

I know that's just red icing but it just reminds me of blood for some reason. Also, that giraffe is utterly terrifying if you ask me. Yes, he's out to kill and he will find you!

I know that’s just red icing but it just reminds me of blood for some reason. Also, that giraffe is utterly terrifying if you ask me. Yes, he’s out to kill and he will find you!

44. Superheroes are certainly a decent party theme for boy’s birthdays at any age, even if it’s Marvel’s Avengers.

Still, if your son is turning 3, perhaps a cake depicting Thor's hammer isn't a good idea. I mean there's a chance that Mjolnir might have the tendency to resemble male genitalia. Just saying.

Still, if your son is turning 3, perhaps a cake depicting Thor’s hammer isn’t a good idea. I mean there’s a chance that Mjolnir might have the tendency to resemble male genitalia. Just saying.

45. If you’re kid likes marine life, a fish cake is certainly a decent choice.

Nevertheless, if you present a cake like this to little Tyler it's very likely he's going to cry if he knows about fish corpses floating at the surface upside down. Seriously, unless the parents turn the fish around, this is a pretty sad birthday cake for children. I mean birthdays are supposed to be happy occasions, not reminding kids of death.

Nevertheless, if you present a cake like this to little Tyler it’s very likely he’s going to cry if he knows about fish corpses floating at the surface upside down. Seriously, unless the parents turn the fish around, this is a pretty sad birthday cake for children. I mean birthdays are supposed to be happy occasions, not reminding kids of death.

46. I think it’s rather nice for 6 year old Jeff to show his feminine side.

Actually this cake is for a little 6 year old girl named Jess. Yeah, I have no idea how any decorator could make that mistake, especially on a birthday cake that's obviously for a girl. I mean Jeff is definitely a boy's name.

Actually this cake is for a little 6 year old girl named Jess. Yeah, I have no idea how any decorator could make that mistake, especially on a birthday cake that’s obviously for a girl. I mean Jeff is definitely a boy’s name.

47. As I know from watching my cousins grow up, Thomas the Tank Engine is very popular. Nonetheless, he’s become a viable birthday theme for young boys.

Seems that Thomas is very keen on running somebody over right now. Seriously, his eyes have this kind of a possessed look like a serial killer intent on killing somebody for the thrill of it all.

Seems that Thomas is very keen on running somebody over right now. Seriously, his eyes have this kind of a possessed look like a serial killer intent on killing somebody for the thrill of it all.

48. Now lighthouses make great picturesque sights in photos and paintings. So it’s only natural they should be on birthday cakes.

Seems like Billy Joel wasn't the only one working with the rod and the reel in "Downeaster Alexa." And if you saw this cake, you can even say it glows.

Seems like Billy Joel wasn’t the only one working with the rod and the reel in “Downeaster Alexa.” At least you don’t need to tell this baker’s wife he’s trawling Atlantis but I’m not sure he has his hands on the wheel.

49. Happy Birthday Jamie sponsored by Chevron, the company fracking land in my neighborhood (bastards).

Of course, the person who ordered this cake, wanted a chevron shape on this cake since the recipient is in the military. Instead, they got a a Big Oil company logo that's now causing widespread environmental damage. Not to mention, it's known for apologizing for a devastating gas well explosion to Greene County by giving them coupons for pizza and pop. Seriously, look it up.

Of course, the person who ordered this cake, wanted a chevron shape on this cake since the recipient is in the military. Instead, they got a a Big Oil company logo that’s now causing widespread environmental damage. Not to mention, it’s known for apologizing for a devastating gas explosion to Greene County by giving them coupons for pizza and pop. Lamest apology ever. Seriously, this really happened.

50. Of course, nothing says, “Happy Birthday” better than a cake of a headless woman in a poodle skirt.

Sure this cake won't frighten the kids, honestly. Yeah, right. Still, this woman is said to be a direct descendant of the Headless Horseman from The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.

Sure this cake won’t frighten the kids, honestly. Yeah, right. Still, this woman is said to be a direct descendant of the Headless Horseman from The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.

51. Now while Barney the Purple Dinosaur makes adults want to scream, he should be perfect for a child’s 4th birthday cake.

I have to admit, this ferocious Barney the Purple Dinosaur is actually kind of cool as well as an improvement to the original. However, this incarnation might make little Patrick pee his pants upon sight. But still, I can't blame the baker.

I have to admit, this ferocious Barney the Purple Dinosaur is actually kind of cool as well as an improvement to the original. However, this incarnation might make little Patrick pee his pants upon sight. But still, I can’t blame the baker.

52. Of course, when it comes to fairy tale themes on kids’ cakes, I’m sure you can’t go wrong with “The Three Little Pigs.”

On second thought, maybe "The Three Little Pigs" wasn't a good idea for 5-year-old Phillipas birthday cake. Yes, the Big Bad Wolf chasing his bacon will probably cause little kids nightmares. Of course, in the original version, he eats the first 2.

On second thought, maybe “The Three Little Pigs” wasn’t a good idea for 5-year-old Phillipas birthday cake. Yes, the Big Bad Wolf chasing his bacon will probably cause little kids nightmares. Of course, in the original version, he eats the first 2.

53. Of course, nothing commemorates a boy’s first birthday than a cake with elephants.

Oh, my God, have I ever seen a first birthday cake so depressing as this? I mean the elephants on this cake look as if they're all dead. Seriously, a first birthday cake is no platform to protest the black market ivory trade that funds terrorism and hurts the environment. Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with this decorator?

Oh, my God, have I ever seen a first birthday cake so depressing as this? I mean the elephants on this cake look as if they’re all dead. Seriously, a first birthday cake is no platform to protest the black market ivory trade that funds terrorism and hurts the environment. Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with this decorator?

54. Of course, when it comes to birthday cakes, some decorators follow order directions to perfection.

Then there are some cake decorators who write on the cakes everything they heard on the phone as well. Still, at least this one followed directions, but maybe a little overboard.

Then there are some cake decorators who write on the cakes everything they heard on the phone as well. Still, at least this one followed directions, but maybe a little overboard.

55. Of course, birthday cakes aren’t always for kids. This one is for an older guy as seen by the wheelchair.

Okay, I'm not sure why they call a wheelchair bound guy "Chucknuts" and I really don't want to know. Then again, this could just be for a party with the guy's friends, not his grandchildren.

Okay, I’m not sure why they call a wheelchair bound guy “Chucknuts” and I really don’t want to know. Then again, this could just be for a party with the guy’s friends, not his grandchildren.

56. For a 4-year-old girl, you can’t go wrong with just a standard cake with flowers.

Sure the yellow flowers are pretty, but wait a minute. What the hell is a burning house doing here for God's sake? Still, I'm sure it won't traumatize little Isabella. Yeah right.

Sure the yellow flowers are pretty, but wait a minute. What the hell is a burning house doing here for God’s sake? Still, I’m sure it won’t traumatize little Isabella. Yeah right.

57. For a young boy, I’m sure this shorts cake will do quite nicely.

There's something rising from this cake's shorts. And as I can see it from the candles, Eamon is at least 8 years old. And a Joe Boxer cake is certainly not appropriate for a boy that age. Basically the boy's version of the boob cake. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking?

There’s something rising from this cake’s shorts. And as I can see it from the candles, Eamon is at least 8 years old. And a Joe Boxer cake is certainly not appropriate for a boy that age. Basically the boy’s version of the boob cake. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking?

58. Happy 7th Birthday, Kailey, and by the way, you’re going to die.

I know we must all die someday. But is really all right to bring this up on a 7-year-old girl's birthday cake? Sure she may have a birthday near Halloween but still. I'm not sure a tombstone cake is a good idea.

I know we must all die someday. But is really all right to bring this up on a 7-year-old girl’s birthday cake? Sure she may have a birthday near Halloween but still. I’m not sure a tombstone cake is a good idea.

59. Looks like somebody’s holding a grudge here.

Okay, let's just hope this cake isn't at some party with the guest of honor surrounded by friends and family. Because that would be bad. And let's just say, this is about as inappropriate as they come.

Okay, let’s just hope this cake isn’t at some party with the guest of honor surrounded by friends and family. Because that would be bad. And let’s just say, this is about as inappropriate as they come.

60. Nevertheless, you can’t go wrong with space aliens here, especially when it pertains to a 2-year-old’s birthday.

Now the space aliens on this cake are find. It's just that the cake decorator seemed to think their faces were upside down, and thus that's why the writing is what it is. Still, the kid's 2 so it's not like he'll notice anyway.

Now the space aliens on this cake are find. It’s just that the cake decorator seemed to think their faces were upside down, and thus that’s why the writing is what it is. Still, the kid’s 2 so it’s not like he’ll notice anyway.

61. Happy Birthday….or not.

Seriously, if you were going to stage an intervention about someone's drinking problem, I'd sure as hell wouldn't think writing it on the cake is a good idea. Just saying.

Seriously, if you were going to stage an intervention about someone’s drinking problem, I’d sure as hell wouldn’t think writing it on the cake is a good idea. Just saying.

62. Seems like Kathy isn’t well liked by those who are supposed to love her. So sad.

According to the candle count, it's possible that Kathy is 4 years old. It may not be the case, but if she is, chances are she'll probably throw a tantrum at her party, if she's able to read it.

According to the candle count, it’s possible that Kathy is 4 years old. It may not be the case, but if she is, chances are she’ll probably throw a tantrum at her party, if she’s able to read it. Still, that’s pretty cruel.

63. Some cake decorators follow directions all too well, while others not in the intended context.

Of course, who ever ordered this birthday cake severely overestimated the cake decorator's intelligence. Seriously, the person just wrote, "the picture is in the flash drive" instead of getting the picture from the flash drive.

Of course, who ever ordered this birthday cake severely overestimated the cake decorator’s intelligence. Seriously, the person just wrote, “the picture is on the flash drive” instead of getting the picture from the flash drive.

64. Sure a donkey birthday cake is a splendid idea. Nothing can possibly go wrong with that.

Let's just say, you probably don't want to invite this cake decorator to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey. I mean even if he or she doesn't have blind fold, they still don't have any idea where a donkey's tail should be.

Let’s just say, you probably don’t want to invite this cake decorator to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey. I mean even if he or she doesn’t have blind fold, they still don’t have any idea where a donkey’s tail should be.

65. Of course, for ladies who enjoy sleazy Harlequin Romance novels, I’m sure a shirtless guy taking his pants off would just be the perfect cake for you.

Oh, no. Just no. Please, I'd perfectly fine if that cake was for a woman but Tracy is supposed to be a 14-year-old girl. Seriously, couldn't her parents just order a cake with The Hunger Games theme instead? At least that would've been more appropriate since the books are in the Young Adult genre.

Oh, no. Just no. Please, I’d perfectly fine if that cake was for a woman but Tracy is supposed to be a 14-year-old girl. Seriously, couldn’t her parents just order a cake with The Hunger Games theme instead? At least that would’ve been more appropriate since the books are in the Young Adult genre.

66. Now that Ashley has turned 18, she can start buying menthols for the whole family.

Seriously, just because a someone's able to buy cigarettes after they turn 18, doesn't mean a cigarette themed cake is a good idea. In fact, it's certainly not. I mean tobacco addiction is a worldwide health issue, which kills people every day from respiratory disease, cancer, COPD, emphysema.  and other wonderful chronic and life threatening ailments.

Seriously, just because a someone’s able to buy cigarettes after they turn 18, doesn’t mean a cigarette themed cake is a good idea since tobacco kills a third of its users. In fact, it’s certainly not. I mean tobacco addiction is a worldwide health issue, which kills people every day from respiratory disease, cancer, COPD, emphysema. and other wonderful chronic and life threatening ailments.

67. Happy 20th Birthday, alleged teen dad.

This may either be an anniversary cake or a birthday cake with a typo. Either way, the 20th doesn't glowingly reflect his parenting skills. Seriously, most 20-year-old dads are either deadbeats or don't even know they are dads in the first place. Sure there may be some responsible dads that age, but they're a rarity.

This may either be a wedding anniversary cake or a birthday cake with a typo. Either way, the 20th doesn’t glowingly reflect his parenting skills. Seriously, most 20-year-old dads are either deadbeats or don’t even know they are dads in the first place. Sure there may be some responsible dads that age, but they’re a rarity.

68. If you have any Republicans in your family, celebrate their birthdays with a one of a kind Ronald Reagan cake.

Now I am not a fan of Ronald Reagan and don't think of him as a great president (in truth I view him as quite the opposite). However, I understand that many Republicans view him on the same level of Jesus for some reason. Nevertheless, even if you know a Republican who has a birthday, you probably want to keep politics out of it. Seriously, such subject can really ruin a party.

Now I am not a fan of Ronald Reagan and don’t think of him as a great president (in truth I view him as quite the opposite). However, I understand that many Republicans view him on the same level of Jesus for some reason. Nevertheless, even if you know a Republican who has a birthday, you probably want to keep politics out of it. Seriously, such subject can really ruin a party.

69. Happy 9th Birthday, sweetie, courtesy of Pedobear.

Okay, I know Pedobear is a character used to detect and make fun of pedophiles on the internet. However, this doesn't mean he's the kind of character you'd want on a 9-year-old's cake. Also, "herd" should be "heard."

Okay, I know Pedobear is a character used to detect and make fun of pedophiles on the internet. However, this doesn’t mean he’s the kind of character you’d want on a 9-year-old’s cake. Also, “herd” should be “heard.”

70. Now I have no problem with Spiderman being on a boy’s birthday cake since they love superheros.

Peter Parker, I know you're probably a young man. However, maybe it's not a good idea to twerk in front of kids, especially in your Spiderman suit. Okay?

Peter Parker, I know you’re probably a nice young man who the kids view as a role model. However, maybe it’s not a good idea to twerk in front of kids, especially in your Spiderman suit. Okay?

71. Of course, if you don’t think icing is a good idea for letters, maybe you should go with sugar letters seen at any grocery store.

Now seriously, that's a really mean thing to say to a 6-year-old, especially on his or her birthday.  I mean the kid's most likely in kindergarten for God's sake, even if that may be true.

Now seriously, that’s a really mean thing to say to a 6-year-old, especially on his or her birthday. I mean the kid’s most likely in kindergarten for God’s sake, even if that may be true.

72. When it comes to boys, I’m sure a birthday cake theme of his favorite video game will do no harm.

Unless it's a Grand Theft Auto cake for a 4-year-old. I mean that game is rated M for Mature due to violence and adult content. Seriously, this cake is not appropriate for a 4-year-old all. Nevertheless, what does a cake like this say about Lil' Derrick's parents for God's sake?

Unless it’s a Grand Theft Auto cake for a 4-year-old. I mean that game is rated M for Mature due to violence and adult content. Seriously, this cake is not appropriate for a 4-year-old all. Nevertheless, what does a cake like this say about Lil’ Derrick’s parents for God’s sake?

73. Now that this guy has turned 21, he can finally have a birthday cake of a stripper butt and a glass of beer.

Now just because turning 2l makes a guy legally eligible to enter a strip club or drink, doesn't mean you should commemorate that eligibility with a birthday cake. Not to mention, there are plenty of guys who are probably not into strip clubs anyway. Nevertheless, wouldn't be surprised if this cake was made for a frat boy.

Now just because turning 21 makes a guy legally eligible to enter a strip club or drink, doesn’t mean you should commemorate that eligibility with a birthday cake. Not to mention, there are plenty of guys who are probably not into strip clubs anyway. Nevertheless, wouldn’t be surprised if this cake was made for a frat boy or NCAA Division I college athlete.

74. Sure a baby picture cake seems like a cute and wholesome idea.

Okay, now that's a baby is just creepy. And even if Kelly looked like that, she was probably cuter. This baby seems like it wants to suck the soul out every person she encounters.

Okay, now that’s a baby is just creepy. And even if Kelly looked like that, she was probably cuter. This baby seems like it wants to suck the soul out every person she encounters.

75. Now I may not like Playboy, but I see nothing wrong with having a Playboy cake for a grown man’s birthday.

Jesus Christ! This is for a 12-year-old girl, which is just wrong. Seriously, now I have nothing against Holly having a bunny cake for her birthday. But a Playboy Bunny cake, well, that's just inappropriate on many levels.

Jesus Christ! This is for a 12-year-old girl, which is just wrong. Seriously, now I have nothing against Holly having a bunny cake for her birthday. But a Playboy Bunny cake, well, that’s just inappropriate on many levels. I wonder why her parents would even think of  ordering this.

76. Of course, when it comes to big birthday parties, sometimes 2 cakes are  better than one.

You'd think this is for a mother's 30th birthday party. Yet, when you see the other cake, turns out it's actually for her 60th. Nevertheless, pretty mean if you ask me.

You’d think this is for a mother’s 30th birthday party. Yet, when you see the other cake, turns out it’s actually for her 60th. Nevertheless, pretty mean if you ask me.

77. Happy Birthday, Dana, and if you’re scratching in your nether region, that that was me. Sorry.

Sure this cake may not be appropriate for a birthday, but at least the guy let Dana know about his STD and apologized. Also, he remembered her birthday and sent her a cake for the occasion. A lot of guys don't even do any of that.

Sure this cake may not be appropriate for a birthday, but at least the guy let Dana know about his STD and apologized. Also, he remembered her birthday and sent her a cake for the occasion. A lot of guys don’t even do any of that.

78. Now I’m sure a birthday cake with cars is perfectly fine for a boy.

Hmm, seems like there's been an accident on the the intersection, which could've been prevented with simply installing a goddamn traffic light. Then again, it's probably a country road. And now the birthday boy's just wet his pants. Still, the car position reminds me of Matthew Crawley's death scene from Season 3 of Downton Abbey.

Hmm, seems like there’s been an accident on the the intersection, which could’ve been prevented with simply installing a goddamn traffic light. Then again, it’s probably a country road. And now the birthday boy’s just wet his pants. Still, the car position reminds me of Matthew Crawley’s death scene from Season 3 of Downton Abbey.

79. Have a hairy Birthday, Emma, courtesy of 1970s Tom Selleck.

Then again, maybe Emma is a fan of Tom Selleck and his hairy chest. Still, doesn't help that he looks like a creepy 1970s porn star on this cake. By the way, his chest hair is represented by sprinkles.

Then again, maybe Emma is a fan of Tom Selleck and his hairy chest. Still, doesn’t help that he looks like a creepy 1970s porn star on this cake. By the way, his chest hair is represented by sprinkles.

80. Of course, I wonder if birthday cakes actually look like this from The Wire.

And if it was ordered by a character from The Wire, I wonder who made the request. Was it: a. Jimmy McNulty for one of his kids. b. Bunk Moreland for his wife or one of his kids, c. Cedric Daniels for Ronnie, d. One of the Barksdales, e. Someone else from the Baltimore Police Department, or f. all of the above. All I know is, it ain't from Omar for he doesn't swear at all but watch out for his shotgun.

And if it was ordered by a character from The Wire, I wonder who made the request. Was it: a. Jimmy McNulty for one of his kids. b. Bunk Moreland for his wife or one of his kids, c. Cedric Daniels for Ronnie, d. One of the Barksdales, e. Someone else from the Baltimore Police Department, or f. all of the above. All I know is, it ain’t from Omar for he doesn’t swear at all but watch out for his shotgun.