Sometimes even the villainous jobs tend to look cooler than they appear. Yet, each came with a dark side. Conquistadors may get a bad rap but most never got rich from destroying Pre-Columbian civilizations. Inquisitors acted more like religiously-affiliated local prosecutors who didn’t really want the job and often found themselves between a rock and a hard place. But tell that to every Hollywood director who depicts them as torture happy clerics. While witch hunters often could find their work backfiring on them if they accuse some beloved person in a community. Anyway, it’s likely that being a Pony Express rider perhaps captured your imagination at some point. How about being a veterinarian while watching All Creatures Great and Small?  Or perhaps a quaint clock maker? Here are ten more historical jobs and the dark realities behind them.

201. Lady’s Maid – In a great house like in Downton Abbey, a lady’s maid is her mistress’ personal attendant who dresses her, bathes her, and cares for her clothes. First, as a lady’s maid, don’t expect to sleep until your mistress returns from late evening balls or social events, often lasting until 2 to 3 AM. But you still must get up early to prepare breakfast and dress your mistress for the day. Also, you must instantly be responsive to handbells or electric call systems 24/7. So you mistress has some unfortunate encounter with a Turkish man who dies from a heart attack during the middle of the night, you better be willing to get up and help her and her mom move the guy’s body. Second, you’re responsible for complex fashions, elaborate hairstyling, intricate dress repair, ironing, and heavy corsetry management. If you’re living in the 18^th century, expect to apply cosmetics that could possibly kill you both like that white lead-based face powder. Third, any torn gown, out of place hairpin, or failed cosmetic mixture can result in a verbal scolding or dismissal. Since such mistakes regarding wardrobe malfunction are on you. Fourth, while Downton Abbey lady maids can marry their co-workers, know that socializing, having outside friends over, or pursuing romantic relationships were strictly discouraged or outright banned. After all, no workplace distractions. Fifth, know that domestic servants were universally expected to stay single. Marriage and pregnancy means immediate dismissal with no safety net. Lastly, with zero legal worker protections, no job security, and complete dependence on a good reference letter from their employer to find future work, maids were vulnerable to exploitation and mistreatment from employers with little recourse.

202. Cheesemaker – Cheese may be a popular food in our world. But the people who made it didn’t have quite a cheesy time of it. First, moving heavy iron cauldrons of milk and pressing heavy stone blocks onto cheese molds required relentless physical strength. Second, working near fires or boiling vats meant frequent burns and steam injuries in damp, freezing dairy rooms. Third, since animals don’t stop their milk production on holidays and weekends, milking and curdling had to happen twice a day, every single day. Fourth, due the thermometer not being invented yet, cheesemaker determined temperatures by sticking a bare elbow or finger into hot vats, risking ruined batches if they missed the mark by a few degrees. Fifth, due to pasteurization or laboratory cultures being nonexistent, a stray bad microbe could ruin months of aging work overnight, turning an entire winter’s food supply into a toxic, stinking rot. Sixth, a bad drought or wet season changed grass quality, altering milk chemistry and causing unexpected flavors in failed curdling. Seventh, a spoiled batch of wheels meant a farmer’s family went into debt or starved through the winter. Lastly, for centuries, much of the dairy work was forced onto women or enslaved laborers who did the brutal daily processing while receiving little to no credit or profit.

203. Veterinarian – If you watch All Creatures Great and Small, you might think being an old country vet was a quaint way to make a living. But if you read the book series, you’d see a very different reality like it was a 24/7 job. First, practitioners primarily treated large, strong animals like horses, mules, and cattle that could easily kick, bite, or crush a person when panicked or in pain. In the books, you see this whenever James Herriot attempts to treat a horse. Before modern tools, procedures required intensive labor such as throwing a thousand-pound horse to the ground to castrate or treat it. While fractured bones, severe kicks, and open wounds were daily routine hazards. Yet, somehow you never see James Herriot, Siegfried Farnon, or their assistants ever receiving such injuries or spending time in the hospital in either the books or the show. Second, as with their human counterparts, animal pain management was either primitive or completely absent. So surgeries and resetting broken bones were agonizing for both patient and doctor. Third, before germ theory and antibiotics, treatments relied on chaotic folklore, heavy-metal tonics, or painful blistering and bleeding techniques that often harmed more than helped the animal. Fortunately, by the time James Herriot comes to the Dales, such older remedies had fallen out of fashion and anesthesia was available. But he still had to deal with clients who believed such things worked. Fourth, veterinarians faced deadly zoonotic illnesses like anthrax, glanders, and brucellosis without proper protective gear or treatment. Herriot gets brucellosis but he’s fortunate enough to live in the 20^th century. Fifth, for centuries, animal doctors were seen as low-class laborers or uneducated farriers (cow leeches) rather than respectable medical scientists. Finally, as in All Creatures Great and Small, owners deeply cared about the economic loss of a dead workhorse or cow, placing immense stress on the practitioner when treatments inevitably failed.

204. Circuit Judge – A familiar figure in westerns is the circuit judge who travels through his jurisdiction to hold trials. But a circuit judge’s life was a nightmare no courtroom could resolve. First, judges traveled thousands of miles on horseback or by bumpy stagecoach across unpaved, muddy, or flooded terrain. Like many travelers, they were forced to sleep in dirty, crowded, and loud roadside taverns. While exposure to bad weather and poor food led to frequent bouts of sickness and severe exhaustion. Second, traveling through remote areas exposed judges to highwaymen, extreme winter storms, and lack of medical care. While the intense physical toll contributed to several prominent early jurists’ severe health declines or early deaths. Third, early Supreme Court Justices had to “ride the circuit” on top of their normal capital caseloads, making the job a relentless grind. Finally, circuit judges spent many months away from their families and comfortable homes to hold court in primitive outposts.

205. Distiller – In the public imagination, we often see the moonshiner making their hooch high in Appalachian Mountains during the Great Depression. But being a distiller was far from an idealized life in the woods. First, due to lack of modern thermometers and chemical testing, early distillers relied entirely on guesswork to discard the “heads” (first part of the distillate). Misjudging this meant producing liquor with concentrated methanol, causing blindness, severe illness, or death of both the maker and the consumer. Second, stills were often crudely plumbed or soldered with lead, copper alloys, and other toxic metals that slowly leached into the acidic mash and finished high-proof alcohol over time. Third, early direct-fire stills lacked temperature control, frequently scorching the mash and yielding  foul-tasting, bitter, or toxic spirits. Fourth, moving massive wooden grain sacks, hauling water by hand, and splitting heavy firewood for fuel resulted in 14-16 hour workdays in blistering heat next to open flames. Fifth, 19^th century records show historic distilleries as death traps. Workers regularly suffered from crushed limbs or amputations in heavy grain-milling machinery, fell down dark, open, multi-story rickhouse shafts, or were mangled by primitive corn conveyers. Fifth, confined spaces filled with invisible, highly flammable ethanol vapor paired with open wood fires meant a single stray spark could and frequently did blow up the entire works. Sixth, governments heavily taxing alcohol resulted in constant conflict. In the United States, American frontier distillers faced frequent armed uprisings during the Whiskey Rebellion in 1794. Although the frontier then was just west of Appalachia at the time. Lastly, securing quality distilling equipment was exceptionally difficult due to trade monopolies and high costs for pure copper, forcing many to use unsafe alternative metals.

206. Clock Maker – In historical films and TV, the clock maker often toils in his shop, often repairing a watch within the constant sound of the clocks being his only background noise. However, being a clock maker wasn’t as safe as the media made it out to be. First, guild workers used liquid mercury to gild clock parts, causing shaking, brain damage, and tooth loss. Filing tiny gears by candlelight destroyed eyes long before glasses were good. While working with coal smoke, acid fumes, and metal dust hurt breathing. So much for the work not being dangerous. Second, kings and rich nobles took months to pay bills, leaving many clock makers broke. Didn’t help that clock makers had to buy expensive gold, silver, and steel upfront while waiting years to finish one item. Third, in the days before the Industrial Revolution, every single gear and spring had to be filed by hand from raw metal, which could prove painstaking. Fourth, one tiny mistake meant weeks of work went into the trash. Lastly, if the clock lost even 2 minutes a week, angry buyers refused to pay or demanded free fixes. Not a safe and sustainable way to make a living.

207. Jeweler – In historical TV, books, and films, the jewelry is often as grand as the beautiful outfits themselves. But a jeweler’s life wasn’t one that glittered. First, fire-gilding required mixing gold and mercury, releasing toxic vapors causing tremors, tooth loss, and madness (as the origin of the “mad hatter” phenomenon applied to metal workers). Second, hours of peering at tiny micro-gemstones or engraving metal under dim candlelight or weak natural light ruined jewelers’ eyesight by middle age. Third, filing gold, silver, and toxic metals like copper and lead meant constantly inhaling metal dust without protective masks. Fourth, monarchs and nobles were notorious for commissioning grand pieces before delaying payment indefinitely. Or they’d simply execute the jeweler to get out of paying a bill. Fifth, jewelers had to front the immense cost of precious stones and metals out of pocket. A single lost shipment, robbery, or royal whim could bankrupt a jeweler’s workshop entirely. Sixth, carrying high-value inventory made jewelers prime targets for violent highwaymen, thieves, or corrupt local guards. Seventh, guild systems strictly controlled who a jeweler could hire, how many items they could make, and what prices they could charge, leaving little room for personal freedom or innovation. Finally, master jewelers fiercely guarded their techniques, meaning apprentices learned through grueling trial and error rather than shared knowledge.

208. Pony Express Rider – In the American imagination a Pony Express rider looms large when it comes to the Old West as a horseback courier service. But being a Pony Express rider was a tough gig that didn’t last long. First, riders faced ambush, outlaws, and conflicts with Native Americans during the Paiute War, resulting in multiple employee deaths. Second, stretches of route through mid-19^th century Kansas, Wyoming, Utah, and Nevada were vast, empty, and completely lacking law enforcement. Third, since riders carried little more than a revolver and water bottle, they became easy prey for highwaymen. Fourth, shifts lasted up to 20 hours across 75-100 miles of rough terrain, switching frantic, half-wild horses every 10-15 miles. Fifth, Pony Express riders rode through blinding snowstorms, sub-zero mountain cold, blistering desert heat, and blinding dust storms without stopping. Sixth, jobs required young men (often teenagers or orphans) weighing less than 125lbs to bounce on tiny racing saddles offering no padding or comfort. Seventh, missing a schedule or losing a mail bag meant severe trouble, despite the impossible pace. Lastly, despite the job paying decently for the time at $50 to $125 a month, the Pony Express company went bankrupt and shut down after 18 months once the transcontinental telegraph rendered the grueling rides obsolete.

209. US Army Indian Scout – You might see US Indian Scouts in many westerns, especially regarding the clashes between Native Americans and the US Army. But they lived rather miserable lives amidst the action. First, US Indian Scouts were often forced or hired to track, fight, or hunt down their own tribal bands or neighboring groups due to old regional rivalries. This created a permanent deadly hostility and branding as traitors by other Native American groups. Second, refusing to fight close kin meant facing brutal military court-marshals and executions as happened during the Apache resistance. Third, life under the US Army meant countless boring drills, strict discipline, and rigid rules clashing with traditional freedom. Fourth, Indian scouts were forced into stiff, poorly-fitting standard military uniforms and heavy boots unsuited for stealth desert or mountain travel. Fifth, unsurprisingly, white soldiers often deeply mistrusted Indian scouts, placing them on the front lines to take the riskiest fire. Sixth, scouts were used as pathfinders during horrific events like the Wounded Knee Massacre, leaving deep psychological scars. Finally, after the Indian Wars ended, the army had little use for the Indian Scouts, cutting support and leaving many to face systemic poverty on reservations.

210. British Officer – In movies, TV, and books, British officers are often fathers to their men unless it’s the Charge of the Light Brigade. But the reality was far from what you’d see in media related to the British Empire. First, until 1871, many officers had to buy and sell their military ranks using the Sale of Commission System costing massive sums of money. Also the Sale of Commission System was one of the factors that resulted in what happened during the Charge of the Light Brigade. Second, daily pay didn’t cover the high cost of expensive uniforms, mess fees, and equipment. Many officers went deep into debt just to remain in the regiment. Third, junior officers usually led their men face-first into enemy fire. During World War I, junior officers had much higher death rates than regular soldiers. Didn’t help that snipers and opposing troops often aimed at officers because they wore different clothes and gave the orders. Fourth, due to the officer corps being run by upper-class social codes, fitting in meant enduring their wealthy peers’ insufferable snobbery and constant judgment. Lastly, if things went wrong, public and military leaders put the full blame on the officers, risking court-martial or public shame.