Star Wars Merchandise from a Galaxy Far, Far Away

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You may have noticed that I’m on my second part of Nerdvember with Star Wars, despite that Star Wars: The Force Awakens won’t be out until December 18th. As you see, I’ve just finished with Star Wars costumes, mostly showing the fans since it’s more fun that way. Nevertheless, we’re all aware that Star Wars is known to make millions from merchandise sales whether it be toys, costumes, T-shirts, and what have you. I mean if you have a franchise with a fan base like this, you know that people will buy it. And this was the same throughout its history as I’m well aware of. But like all major franchises out there, there are plenty of stuff that might make you scratch your head. Now I’ve seen plenty of this pertaining to Star Wars while I was compiling a blog post on action figures. But unlike the Hunger Games, the Star Wars merchandising only seems to get a tad inappropriate when it pertains to selling Darth Vader stuff for Father’s Day. And even then, most fans wouldn’t mind since there are plenty of dads who bond over Star Wars with their children anyway. But that doesn’t mean that Star Wars merchandising can’t get relatively ridiculous because it certainly can. And it does, even back when they had the Star Wars Holiday Special. Believe me, I’ve looked. I know it doesn’t make sense but don’t ask me. Still, there are a lot of Star Wars products that you wouldn’t think existed. So for your galactic reading pleasure, I give you some crazy merchandise from a galaxy far, far away.

  1. Hope your bathroom is in the spirit of the Force with this Han Solo carbonite toilet seat.
I see a lot of Han Solo in carbonite stuff all the time. But this has to be the most ridiculous by far. Seriously, why would anyone want to sit on that thing?

I see a lot of Han Solo in carbonite stuff all the time. But this has to be the most ridiculous by far. Seriously, why would anyone want to sit on that thing?

2. For the galactic holiday season, keep warm in this Star Wars Christmas sweater.

Because nothing brings in the spirit of Christmas more than having your legs stuck in a Wampa cave on Hoth and dismembering it with a lightsaber. Yeah, how festive.

Because nothing brings in the spirit of Christmas more than having your legs stuck in a Wampa cave on Hoth and dismembering it with a lightsaber. Yeah, how festive.

3. Hold your ear of corn like a Jedi with this lightsaber cob holder.

Yeah, what great way to cause sword fighting at the dinner table. Still, an ear of corn doesn't look as badass as a laser.

Yeah, what great way to cause sword fighting at the dinner table. Still, an ear of corn doesn’t look as badass as a laser.

4. For children, there’s nothing like a game of “hot potato” with a thermal detonator.

Uh, does anyone at Disney have any idea what a thermal detonator is? Well, it's a heat sensitive grenade. Let that sink in.

Uh, does anyone at Disney have any idea what a thermal detonator is? Well, it’s a heat sensitive grenade. Let that sink in.

5. Use the Force for the great outdoors with this Star Wars fish tackle kit.

From GeeksterInk:

From GeeksterInk: “Gimmie a break. Star Wars fishing rods? When I think sci-fi action, I for sure think, “watching my dad pound eleven beers at six a.m. in the middle of mosquito infested farm run off lake.”. For sure.”

6. Enjoy the music from the Dark Side with this Darth Vader CD player.

From Gizmodo:

From Gizmodo: “So let’s get this straight. He commands an army of genetically engineered clone troopers, is capable of building a working lightsabre, and has a super weapon the size of a small moon at his disposal. But this Darth Vader-themed radio can only play CDs and tune in AM or FM stations? Come on, even being able to play WMA files — arguably just as evil as Vader — would have been better than this.”

7. Be a whiz in your kitchen with this R2-D2 spatula.

From Gizmodo:

From Gizmodo: “… at first glance this R2-D2 themed spatula looks like a whimsical addition to your kitchen. But there’s a reason spatulas are made with a boring rounded shape. All the extra details on R2’s silhouette are going to tear your pancakes to shreds when you try to flip them. So we can’t help but wonder if this was actually designed by a Sith who’s laughing at us maniacally from a galaxy far, far away.”

8. Keep warm this December with these Star Wars blends.

Now these consist of Vader's Dark Side Roast, Hoth Cocoa, and Yoda Dagobah Green Tea. Yeah, I know it's pretty ridiculous. But you can't make these things up.

Now these consist of Vader’s Dark Side Roast, Hoth Cocoa, and Yoda Dagobah Green Tea. Yeah, I know it’s pretty ridiculous. But you can’t make these things up.

9. Use the Force on your night with the boys with this Star Wars poker set.

Because nothing says a sci-fi adventure like boozing, losing several hundred bucks, and brawling with your friends. Good times, (not).

Because nothing says a sci-fi adventure like boozing, losing several hundred bucks, and brawling with your friends. Good times, (not).

10. Show your undying love and devotion with this R2-D2 engagement ring.

Call me old-fashioned, but unless you and your girlfriend really like Star Wars, I'd stick with the traditional diamond ring. It's much easier.

Call me old-fashioned, but unless you and your girlfriend really like Star Wars, I’d stick with the traditional diamond ring. It’s much easier.

11. Be a Jedi master in the bathroom with a Millennium Falcon toilet seat and a lightsaber plunger.

Now at least the Millennium Falcon toilet seat is better than Han Solo in carbonite. However, I'm not sure about the lightsaber plunger. That's just hard to take seriously.

Now at least the Millennium Falcon toilet seat is better than Han Solo in carbonite. However, I’m not sure about the lightsaber plunger. That’s just hard to take seriously.

12. For breakfast, wake up in the morning with Han Solo Pop Tarts.

While Han Solo may be frosted in carbonite, these are frosted with chocolate icing. Not sure how I feel about that one.

While Han Solo may be frosted in carbonite, these are frosted with chocolate icing. Not sure how I feel about that one.

13. May the Force be with you and enjoy some Star Wars Giant Lightsaber Pocky Sticks.

This is a candy from Japan. Comes in grape, green tea, and strawberry. Disgusting.

This is a candy from Japan. Comes in grape, green tea, and strawberry. Disgusting.

14. Bring your toast to the Dark Side with this Darth Vader toaster.

Basically burns half your toast with an image of the Sith lord himself. So if you love Star Wars and don't mind that, this is for you.

Basically burns half your toast with an image of the Sith lord himself. So if you love Star Wars and don’t mind that, this is for you.

15. Tempt your Fido to the Dark Side with their own Darth Vader dog dish.

Now with this dog dish, you and Rover can rule the galaxy together. Then again, Rover's probably not going to give a shit on what his dish looks like.

Now with this dog dish, you and Rover can rule the galaxy together. Then again, Rover’s probably not going to give a shit on what his dish looks like.

16. Bring your room to life with this Han Solo in Carbonite woven throw.

From Odyssey:

From Odyssey: “What better way to spruce up a room than Han Solo frozen in carbonite on your bed?” Now that’s a good point, unless you’re Jabba the Hutt.

17. Get comfy around the TV with this Jabba the Hutt beanbag chair.

From Odyssey:

From Odyssey: “Because we all want to fall asleep to a warm hug from this gross, slug-like crime lord of Tattooine.” Seriously, why the hell would anyone think this is a good idea? Jabba the Hutt is disgusting.

18. Store gumballs in this Yoda dispenser using the power of the Force.

Is it just me or do you have to get gumballs from this by pressing Yoda's crotch? I'm just saying some parents might have a problem with that.

Is it just me or do you have to get gumballs from this by pressing Yoda’s crotch? I’m just saying some parents might have a problem with that.

19. Step outside your yard with a pair of R2-D2 crocs.

For God's sake, R2-D2 basically saves everyone's ass in the original trilogy, and this what he gets? Surely the droid deserves more respect than that.

For God’s sake, R2-D2 basically saves everyone’s ass in the original trilogy, and this what he gets? Surely the droid deserves more respect than that.

20. Wake up in the morning with some Kellogg’s C-3PO’s.

Yes, they had this in the 1980s. No, I don't think it's available now. Still, when I think about droids, I don't think about munching on them with their nuts and bolts.

Yes, they had this in the 1980s. No, I don’t think it’s available now. Still, when I think about droids, I don’t think about munching on them with their nuts and bolts.

21. For your intergalactic delicacies, these lightsaber chopsticks will do just nicely.

And if I actually got these, I'd have another way to embarrass myself at an Asian restaurant. How they manage to eat rice with these things, I have no idea.

And if I actually got these, I’d have another way to embarrass myself at an Asian restaurant. How they manage to eat rice with these things, I have no idea.

22. Now you can be your own master with these Jedi and Sith bathrobes.

From Oddee:

From Oddee: “Ever wonder what Jedis wear when they are just lounging around the house? As it turns out, their bathrobes look almost the exact same as their street clothes, only they come in soft terrycloth.”

23. Bake your own dishes with this Space Slug oven mitt.

You know that asteroid creature that ate up the Millennium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back? Turns out, the Exogarth's appetite now allots for pizza rolls.

You know that asteroid creature that ate up the Millennium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back? Turns out, the Exogarth’s appetite now allots for pizza rolls. Just don’t mistake it for a cave.

24. Keep warm out in the woods this season with this Tauntaun sleeping bag.

Now this piece of ridiculous merchandise was created as an April Fool's prank. Makes a lot of sense because I sure wouldn't want to sleep in the entrails of a frozen dead animal.

Now this piece of ridiculous merchandise was created as an April Fool’s prank. Makes a lot of sense because I sure wouldn’t want to sleep in the entrails of a frozen dead animal.

25. Show your disco moves all night long to Meco’s Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk.

From Oddee:

From Oddee: “Sure the Star Wars soundtrack is pretty bumping on its own, but just imagine the complete and total level of awesomeness that occurs when you mix the cantina song with some sweet disco and funk beats.” Seriously, did they have to make disco covers for everything during the 1970s?

26. Keep your fish happy and your home spruced up with your very own R2-D2 fish tank.

From GeeksterInk:

From GeeksterInk: “You know what is probably the last thing a robot wants? A fish tank shoved up his ass.” Think I would agree with that, especially R2-D2.

27. Cook some of your favorite galactic recipes with these Star Wars cookbooks.

And I thought the Hunger Games cookbook was ridiculous but at least that series paid some attention to food. Wonder what kind of recipes are in this one.

And I thought the Hunger Games cookbook was ridiculous but at least that series paid some attention to food. Wonder what kind of recipes are in these two.

28. Put your things in this mesh C-3PO backpack.

You mean the part when he was torn apart that Chewbacca had to carry and put him back together again. Oh, and he put the protocol droid on backwards?

You mean the part when he was torn apart that Chewbacca had to carry and put him back together again. Oh, and he put the protocol droid on backwards?

29. This Darth Vader china plate will always be a splendid addition to your dining room.

Hmmm....for some reason I don't see Darth Vader being surrounded by flowers. Guess I picture him to be a bit on the Dark Side.

Hmmm….for some reason I don’t see Darth Vader being surrounded by flowers. Guess I picture him to be a bit on the Dark Side.

30. When it comes to cleaning car windows during the winter time, this Wampa snow scraper mitt always comes in handy.

Now this one actually might be effective. Still, using a disembodied arm to clear your windshield might freak out your neighbors. And it doesn't help that Luke cut off a Wampa's arm with a lightsaber.

Now this one actually might be effective. Still, using a disembodied arm to clear your windshield might freak out your neighbors. And it doesn’t help that Luke cut off a Wampa’s arm with a lightsaber.

31. Keep snug and warm this winter in these Star Wars adult onesies.

Now these consist of Stormtrooper, Boba Fett, Darth Vader, and a Rebel Fighter. I don't know about you, but there's just something wrong with adult men wearing something you'd normally see on babies.

Now these consist of Stormtrooper, Boba Fett, Darth Vader, and a Rebel Fighter. I don’t know about you, but there’s just something wrong with adult men wearing something you’d normally see on babies.

32. Freshen your breath and feel the Force with Minti-Chlorians.

Yes, let the Force take care of your breath with minty freshness. Still, this is pretty hilarious.

Yes, let the Force take care of your breath with minty freshness. Still, this is pretty hilarious.

33. Serve beer to your galactic friends with this R2-D2 beer keg.

Okay, R2-D2 is one of the most useful and resilient droids in the galaxy. And yet, he's basically used as a beer keg to a bunch of frat boys. Something's wrong with that.

Okay, R2-D2 is one of the most useful and resilient droids in the galaxy. And yet, he’s basically used as a beer keg to a bunch of frat boys. Something’s wrong with that.

34. Speaking of beer? Keep it chilled in your very own Han Solo in carbonite minifridge.

That way, your beer will be as fresh as Han Solo was when he was thawed out. Then again, this is just crazy for some reason.

That way, your beer will be as fresh as Han Solo was when he was thawed out. That way, you’ll always be ready for some galactic drinking games. Fortunately, it doesn’t induce hibernation sickness.

35. On a cold day, you can always warm yourself up with some Star Wars Campbell’s soup.

Now I'm sure eating these soups will put you squarely on the salty side of the Force. Because Campbell's Hmmm....salt.

Now I’m sure eating these soups will put you squarely on the salty side of the Force. Because Campbell’s Hmmm….salt.

36. This Christmas celebrate the season in full Star Wars glory with Christmas in the Stars.

Seriously? Star Wars had a Christmas album? Do they even celebrate Christmas in that galaxy? And yet, you see C-3PO and R2-D2 in Santa's workshop.

Seriously? Star Wars had a Christmas album? Do they even celebrate Christmas in that galaxy? And yet, you see C-3PO and R2-D2 in Santa’s workshop.

37. Be the best smelling nerfherder in the galaxy with Eau Lando Colonge and Slave Leia Perfume.

Not sure if the Star Wars saga is a great franchise to have its own perfume line. Still, love how they accessorize the bottles.

Not sure if the Star Wars saga is a great franchise to have its own perfume line. Still, love how they accessorize the bottles.

38. Become the beauty of the galaxy with the Cover Girl Star Wars Collection line. Which side will you choose?

Guess the Cover Girl Hunger Games campaign was successful. Still, this is just crazy. So now you want nerds to use your products.

Guess the Cover Girl Hunger Games campaign was successful. Still, this is just crazy. So now you want nerds to use your products. Nice.

39. Choose your own side of the Force with a Darth Vader or Jedi Burger.

This was an ad campaign from a French burger chain for Episode I in 1999. Still, while one will give you green poop, both will give you coronaries.

This was an ad campaign from a French burger chain for Episode I in 1999. Still, while one will give you green poop, both will give you coronaries.

40. Use the Force to patch up some broken pipes with some Star Wars duck tape.

The adhesive Force is strong with this one. Will certainly make you the most handy Jedi in the galaxy.

The adhesive Force is strong with this one. Will certainly make you the most handy Jedi in the galaxy.

41. Help your little one’s sleep with this C-3PO nightlight.

Because nothing gets a child to sleep than C-3PO's soulless, lit-up face. Odds of successfully navigating a good night's sleep with this are 3,720 to 1.

Because nothing gets a child to sleep than C-3PO’s soulless, lit-up, and disembodied face. Odds of successfully navigating a good night’s sleep with this are 3,720 to 1.

42. Spice up your love life with your very own Chewbacca gimp suit.

If you're an avid Star Wars fan who's into BDSM and/or Furries, this might be for you. Still, at least they don't have a gimp suit of Finnick Odair. Now that would be bad.

If you’re an avid Star Wars fan who’s into BDSM and/or Furries, this might be for you. Still, at least they don’t have a gimp suit of Finnick Odair. Now that would be bad.

43. Decorate your tree this Christmas with an ornament depicting the showdown at the Cantina.

Because nothing says Christmas like a smuggler shooting a bounty hunter in the middle of a crowded Cantina full of dirtbags. Yeah, maybe

Because nothing says Christmas like a smuggler shooting a bounty hunter in the middle of a crowded Cantina full of dirtbags. Yeah, maybe “Han shoots first” is not an appropriate Christmas slogan.

44. Decorate your bathroom in the Star Wars spirit with It’s a Crap! toilet cover.

From GeeksterInk:

From GeeksterInk: “Admiral Ackbar’s famous line, “It’s a trap!” lovingly rendered into a toilet pun that allows you to shit into a Star Wars character’s mouth.” Seriously, Admiral Ackbar deserves more respect and dignity than this.

45. Decorate your bedroom in the Force with these lightsaber lava lamps.

Now this might make people think that you're on the trippier side of the Force. Also, might lead some suspect that you have weed, if your place smells bad enough.

Now this might make people think that you’re on the trippier side of the Force. Also, might lead some suspect that you have weed, if your place smells bad enough.

46. Preserve your food with this Han Solo in carbonite refrigerator.

Now this is guaranteed to preserve your food for a long time like carbonite preserved Han Solo. But this is without the hibernation sickness after thaw.

Now this is guaranteed to preserve your food for a long time like carbonite preserved Han Solo. But this is without the hibernation sickness after thaw.

47. Send your letter in snail mail with these Star Wars stamps.

Now these are only available in Great Britain. Features some new characters as well as some of the old classics.

Now these are only available in Great Britain. Features some new characters as well as some of the old classics.

48. Keep dry with this lightsaber umbrella.

Not sure what to think about this. To me, I don't think you're supposed to have a lightsaber umbrella. Probably because I've seen people dismembered by them in the Star Wars movies.

Not sure what to think about this. To me, I don’t think you’re supposed to have a lightsaber umbrella. Probably because I’ve seen people dismembered by them in the Star Wars movies.

49. Make your work space better with your very own Han Solo in carbonite desk.

Also can be used to intimidate underlings as a reminder of what would happen to them if they don't cater to your wishes. Yeah, wouldn't want to mess with anyone who owns a desk like this.

Also can be used to intimidate underlings as a reminder of what would happen to them if they don’t cater to your wishes. Yeah, wouldn’t want to mess with anyone who owns a desk like this.

50. Turn lights on and off with your very own Han Solo in carbonite light switch.

Now you can switch lights on and off by flipping the lever on Han Solo's crotch. Seriously, does anyone see what's wrong with this? I mean did the designers think this through?

Now you can switch lights on and off by flipping the lever on Han Solo’s dick. Seriously, does anyone see what’s wrong with this? I mean did the designers think this through?

51. Step out into the theaters this December in a pair of lightsaber high heeled shoes.

Still, given the chance that there will be icy roads and snow on the ground, I wouldn't recommend women wear these. Seriously, you might want to opt for something more comfortable.

Still, given the chance that there will be icy roads and snow on the ground, I wouldn’t recommend women wear these. Seriously, you might want to opt for something more comfortable.

52. Now you can decipher R2-D2’s speech with How to Speak Droid with R2-D2.

Yes, R2-D2 speaks in beeps but is this really necessary? I mean he's not that hard to understand since he communicates with the other characters just fine.

Yes, R2-D2 speaks in beeps but is this really necessary? I mean he’s not that hard to understand since he communicates with the other characters just fine.

53. Celebrate this Christmas on the Dark Side with your very own Darth Vader Christmas inflatable.

Because nothing personifies the spirit of Christmas like a Sith Lord who force chokes his underlings, blows up his daughter's planet, and cuts off his son's hand. Yes, true Christmas spirit, indeed.

Because nothing personifies the spirit of Christmas like a Sith Lord who force chokes his underlings, blows up his daughter’s planet, and cuts off his son’s hand. Yes, true Christmas spirit, indeed.

54. Sleep tight like Han Solo in this Millennium Falcon bed.

From QZ:

From QZ: “For $4,000, your child can sleep in a crib shaped like the cockpit of Han Solo’s ship, complete with painted-on dials and levers. It’s unlikely to be able to do the Kessel Run, but it’s perfect for sleepy children with no imagination.”

55. Now you can play dirty galactic strip poker with the Ladies of Star Wars playing card deck.

Okay, how many women in Star Wars are there. Certainly, there aren't a lot with speaking roles. Will probably mostly consist of minor characters or examples of Padme Amidala's unlimited wardrobe.

Okay, how many women in Star Wars are there. Certainly, there aren’t a lot with speaking roles. Will probably mostly consist of minor characters or examples of Padme Amidala’s unlimited wardrobe.

56. Use the Force to open a pint a beer with your very own lightsaber bottle opener.

Sure it may be handy. But I don't know if carrying it around with you will make you a darling at the Star Wars convention.

Sure it may be handy. But I don’t know if carrying it around with you will make you a darling at the Star Wars convention.

57. Make it happy hour in your galaxy Cantina with this Star Wars pewter bar ware set.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, Yoda, C-3PO, and R2-D2. Still, wouldn't trust a drunk person with the C-3PO knife or the Darth Vader corkscrew.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, Yoda, C-3PO, and R2-D2. Still, wouldn’t trust a drunk person with the C-3PO knife or the Darth Vader corkscrew.

58. Once they pop, the fun won’t stop with these Star Wars Pringles.

Comes in Chewbacca Cheddar Cheese, Skywalker Sour Cream and Onion, Han Solo Salt and Vineger, Boba Fett BBQ, and Darth Vader Original. Yes, I'm just as baffled as you are.

Comes in Chewbacca Cheddar Cheese, Skywalker Sour Cream and Onion, Han Solo Salt and Vineger, Boba Fett BBQ, and Darth Vader Original. Yes, I’m just as baffled as you are.

59. Grace your bathroom with this Star Wars: The Force Awakens shower curtain.

From QZ:

From QZ: “Was a regular wall poster of the film you haven’t even seen yet just not cutting it? How about a shower curtain? For $20 you can be greeted by a cast of characters who currently mean nothing to you, every time you use the bathroom.”

60. If you love Star Wars, then play Operation with R2-D2.

You know because R2-D2 tends to be a stubborn little droid that has all kinds of shit happen to him. Yeah, saving everyone's ass is bound to get you busted a few times.

You know because R2-D2 tends to be a stubborn and adventurous little droid that has all kinds of shit happen to him. Yeah, saving everyone’s ass is bound to get you busted a few times.

61. Bottoms up with your very own R2-D2 hip flask.

Hmm...so they have Star Wars hip flasks you can get drunk on or sneak alcohol in. Interesting. Might mean that AA and rehab could be your only hope.

Hmm…so they have Star Wars hip flasks you can get drunk on or sneak alcohol in. Interesting. Might mean that AA and rehab could be your only hope.

62. Give your frog the Star Wars treatment with this Dagobah Frog Habitat.

I'm sure pet frogs everywhere will love hanging around Yoda's planet. Then again, I don't think your frog gives a shit about Star Wars.

I’m sure pet frogs everywhere will love hanging around Yoda’s planet. Then again, I don’t think your frog gives a shit about Star Wars.

63. Study ants with the Force with your very own Felucia Ant Farm.

From Huffington Post:

From Huffington Post: “Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an ant farm is approximately 3,720 to 1.” Also, the odds of buying one are similar as well.

64. Now you can be the grill meister of the galaxy with your very own Death Star grill.

Now this product does exist as I've looked on Ebay. However, this might be an idealized computer representation. But you see why it's funny.

Now this product does exist as I’ve looked on Ebay. However, this might be an idealized computer representation. But you see why it’s funny.

65. Now your cat can enjoy the Star Wars franchise with these Star Wars catnip toys from Petco.

These consist of Chewbacca, Darth Vader, Yoda, and a Stormtrooper. And they look like rats. Lovely.

These consist of Chewbacca, Darth Vader, Yoda, and a Stormtrooper. And they look like rats. Lovely.

66. Have lots of fun in the spud galaxy with none other than a Star Wars Mr. Potato Head.

This one is Darth Tater. They also have one of Chewbacca and R2-D2, but they didn't seem as iconic.

This one is Darth Tater. They also have one of Chewbacca, Yoda, and R2-D2, but they didn’t seem as iconic.

67. The Force is strong with this Star Wars self-stirring mug.

Wonder what it's like drinking something from a self-stirring mug. Maybe I don't want to find out. Still, the slogan seems appropriate.

Wonder what it’s like drinking something from a self-stirring mug. Maybe I don’t want to find out. Still, the slogan seems appropriate.

68. Speaking of coffee, stir it with the Force this year with some Nestle Coffee Mate.

Now these seem to consist of R2-D2 French Vanilla, Chewbacca Spiced Latte, C-3PO Hazelnut, Boba Fett Italian Creme, and Darth Vader Espresso Chocolate. Yeah, I don't think

Now these seem to consist of R2-D2 French Vanilla, Chewbacca Spiced Latte, C-3PO Hazelnut, Boba Fett Italian Creme, and Darth Vader Espresso Chocolate. Yeah, I don’t think “Italian Creme” best describes Boba Fett either. But I didn’t come with these. So don’t blame me.

69. Use the power of the Dark with these Star Wars golf bags.

Of course, if you're Darth Vader's caddy, God help you. Seriously, caddying for that guy runs a serious risk of being force choked if he has a terrible game.

Of course, if you’re Darth Vader’s caddy, God help you. Seriously, caddying for that guy runs a serious risk of being force choked if he has a terrible game.

70. Be a Jedi grill master on the barbecue with a pair of lightsaber barbecue tongs.

I can imagine this conversation. Obi Wan: “Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.” Luke: “What is it?” Obi Wan: “Your father’s lightsaber tongs. This is the utensil of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a spatula. An elegant utensil, for a more civilized age.”

I can imagine this conversation. From QZ:
Obi Wan: “Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.”
Luke: “What is it?”
Obi Wan: “Your father’s lightsaber tongs. This is the utensil of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a spatula. An elegant utensil, for a more civilized age.”

71. Roast your Rebel Alliance burgers on your very own R2-D2 smoker grill.

Now this looks like a big grill with plenty of room for fuel. Is this gas or charcoal? Still, like the wheels.

Now this looks like a big grill with plenty of room for fuel. Is this gas or charcoal? Still, like the wheels.

72. For your office paper tears, this C-3PO tape dispenser is at your disposal.

Now I know that C-3PO has nothing down there, genital wise. Nevertheless, this is one of the most vulgar scotch tape dispenser I've ever seen.

Now I know that C-3PO has nothing down there, genital wise. Nevertheless, this is one of the most vulgar scotch tape dispenser I’ve ever seen.

73. Now you can ask Jedi Master Yoda a question with this.

And if you want to know the answer, just shake him and look under his but. Just do that. There is no try.

And if you want to know the answer, just shake him and look under his butt. Works like one of those magic 8 ball things. Just do that. There is no try.

74. Fasten your seatbelts and in case you need to vomit, feel free to spew into these lightsaber barf bags.

These were used by Virgin Airlines to promote one of the prequels. Yeah, I know it's ridiculous, but I didn't come up the idea. So don't blame me for it.

These were used by Virgin Airlines to promote one of the prequels. Yeah, I know it’s ridiculous, but I didn’t come up the idea. So don’t blame me for it.

75. If you liked Episode I, then you’ll certainly enjoy this Jar Jar Binks candy tongue.

As if anyone would fantasize French kissing Jar Jar Binks, who's one of the most obnoxious and annoying characters in the franchise. From GeeksterInk:

As if anyone would fantasize French kissing Jar Jar Binks, who’s one of the most obnoxious and annoying characters in the franchise. For me, that’s a nightmare scenario. Who the hell thought this was good idea ought to be filled with shame by now. From GeeksterInk: “Great idea. As if people didn’t hate Jar-Jar enough after The Phantom Menace, now he’s making children suck his tongue? Not on my watch.”

76. Spread the Christmas spirit this year with these Star Wars nutcrackers.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, R2-D2, Yoda, regular Stormtrooper, and Christmas Stormtrooper. Christmas Stormtrooper is wearing a Santa hat and carries a candy cane.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, R2-D2, Yoda, regular Stormtrooper, and Christmas Stormtrooper. Christmas Stormtrooper is wearing a Santa hat and carries a candy cane.

77. Make your Star Wars marathon a pizza party with this talking R2-D2 pizza cutter.

Cuts your pizza while giving R2-D2's signature beeps and blips. Yeah, I don't know why they thought this was a good idea either.

Cuts your pizza while giving R2-D2’s signature beeps and blips. Yeah, I don’t know why they thought this was a good idea either.

78. Make bath time so much fun with these Pond Wars rubber ducks.

From Oddee: "There's nothing quite as relaxing as a nice long bath, unless that bath happens to be the center for an intergalactic war between the ultimate evil republic and the freedom fighting rebels. Did I mention these guys glow in multiple colors thanks to sweet LED lights?" At least they don't have rubber ducks of Hunger Games characters....yet.

From Oddee: “There’s nothing quite as relaxing as a nice long bath, unless that bath happens to be the center for an intergalactic war between the ultimate evil republic and the freedom fighting rebels. Did I mention these guys glow in multiple colors thanks to sweet LED lights?” At least they don’t have rubber ducks of Hunger Games characters….yet.

79. Cool off this summer with one of these Star Wars misters.

From Gizmodo: "Probably invented before the days of MovieTickets.com when sweaty fanboys had to line up in the sweltering summer heat to actually buy tickets at the box office, these handheld misters provide a refreshing blast of mist with every pump. Now we can understand why Yoda would be coming to your aide on a hot day, but Vader and Boba Fett? It seems highly unlikely. They're more likely to let you die of heat stroke and then feed your corpse to a Rankor for fun."

From Gizmodo: “Probably invented before the days of MovieTickets.com when sweaty fanboys had to line up in the sweltering summer heat to actually buy tickets at the box office, these handheld misters provide a refreshing blast of mist with every pump. Now we can understand why Yoda would be coming to your aide on a hot day, but Vader and Boba Fett? It seems highly unlikely. They’re more likely to let you die of heat stroke and then feed your corpse to a Rankor for fun.”

80. If you love Star Wars and classic horror movies, then you’ll find these Star Wars monster bobbleheads a scream.

Because one of the most menacing movie villains of all time can't be scary enough without being mashed with Frankenstein's monster. Also has Yoda as a zombie and Chewbacca as a werewolf.

Because one of the most menacing movie villains of all time can’t be scary enough without being mashed with Frankenstein’s monster. Also has Yoda as a zombie and Chewbacca as a werewolf.

81. Feel the Dark Side of the Force with this one of a kind collectible Star Wars watch.

Now that's a massive wrist watch inspired by Darth Vader and his Imperial fighters. It's a limited edition in Britain and said to cost $28,500. You're better off buying a car with that money.

Now that’s a massive wrist watch inspired by Darth Vader and his Imperial fighters. It’s a limited edition in Britain and said to cost $28,500. You’re better off buying a car with that money.

82. Keep your possessions safe with this interactive R2-D2 money bank.

Courtesy of Apple. Requires iPhone activation. Not sure if I'd keep my keys and credit cards in there.

Courtesy of Apple. Requires iPhone activation. Not sure if I’d keep my keys and credit cards in there.

83. For your Star Wars marathons, watch these movies in this customized home theater.

Now I like Star Wars since it has a great story and characters. But still, I think this is just going way too far. Yeah, that's ridiculous, all right.

Now I like Star Wars since it has a great story and characters. But still, I think this is just going way too far. Yeah, that’s ridiculous, all right.

84. Keep warm this winter with this one of a kind R2-D2 wood stove.

Because if there's anything that hurts a droid it's having to deal with being fired upon. Now someone thought it was good idea to set his insides in flames. Nice.

Because if there’s anything that hurts a droid it’s having to deal with being fired upon. Now someone thought it was good idea to set his insides in flames. Nice.

85. Those who think gnomes are too earthbound will certainly love this Jawa lawn ornament.

Okay, I don't quite see Jawa as the gardening sort. For one, they inhabit Tattooine, a desert planet. Second, don't they kidnap droids and sell them?

Okay, I don’t quite see Jawa as the gardening sort. For one, they inhabit Tattooine, a desert planet. Second, don’t they kidnap droids and sell them?

86. Keep your desk tidy with this Darth Vader pencil holder.

Yes, stick your pens in to Anakin Skywalker's brain. Still, Games Radar says it looks kind of like an S&M hedgehog.

Yes, stick your pens in to Anakin Skywalker’s brain. Still, Games Radar says it looks kind of like an S&M hedgehog.

87. Keep your TV antennas in place with the Dark Side with this Darth Vader antenna topper.

Of course, now that we have switched to digital, this item is now rendered obsolete. Still, would you want Darth Vader's head on your TV? Not me.

Of course, now that we have switched to digital, this item is now rendered obsolete. Still, would you want Darth Vader’s head on your TV? Not me.

88. Set the evening atmosphere to your liking with this Darth Vader mood light.

From Entertainment Unlimited: "Love is in the air. And what better to spread the atmosphere of mushy love; a Darth Vader Mood Light! A perfect ‘Force’ to bring in intimacy and increase sexual desire. Bloody, red eyes on the disembodied head of Darth Vader staring back at you and your partner, while you both do your thing. It’s positively terrifying and nothing close to being romantic. Unless, of course, you are a fan of Jack, The Ripper."

From Entertainment Unlimited: “Love is in the air. And what better to spread the atmosphere of mushy love; a Darth Vader Mood Light! A perfect ‘Force’ to bring in intimacy and increase sexual desire. Bloody, red eyes on the disembodied head of Darth Vader staring back at you and your partner, while you both do your thing. It’s positively terrifying and nothing close to being romantic. Unless, of course, you are a fan of Jack, The Ripper.”

89. Now you can listen to your favorite Imperial Empire soundtrack with this Death Star Bluetooth speaker.

Of course, it might be appropriate when I'm playing Star Wars soundtrack. But when I'm playing music by Billy Joel, not so much.

Of course, it might be appropriate when I’m playing Star Wars soundtrack. But when I’m playing music by Billy Joel, not so much.

90. Dispose your garbage in your very own R2-D2 trash bin.

Yeah, this might be a good idea. But then again, I don't think R2-D2 would appreciate having you throw stuff away into his body. That's not what an R2 unit does.

Yeah, this might be a good idea. But then again, I don’t think R2-D2 would appreciate having you throw stuff away into his body. That’s not what an R2 unit does.

91. Spread holiday cheer this Christmas with this Darth Vader figurine of him in a Santa hat and red cape.

Apparently, Lord Vader finds your lack of Christmas cheer disturbing. Of course, he should give it a break since it's November for Christ's sake.

Apparently, Lord Vader finds your lack of Christmas cheer disturbing. Of course, he should give it a break since it’s November for Christ’s sake.

92. Make R2-D2 your beer butler with this R2-D2 moving beer fridge.

Yes, have R2-D2 keep beer cold for you. Even when he has other things on his mind like saving his friends from Darth Vader.

Yes, have R2-D2 keep beer cold for you. Even when he has other things on his mind like saving his friends from Darth Vader.

93. Cook delicious recipes with the Force with your very own R2-D2 measuring cup set.

Disassembles into 4 cups and 4 measuring spoons. You can also reassemble it after you've washed them. Still, not sure what to think about this.

Disassembles into 4 cups and 4 measuring spoons. You can also reassemble it after you’ve washed them. Still, not sure what to think about this.

94. Use the Force to roll your smokes with these lightsaber rolling papers.

I suppose that these would be a hit for the Star Wars fans living in Colorado where pot's legal. Sure to make any pothead feel like a Jedi.

I suppose that these would be a hit for the Star Wars fans living in Colorado where pot’s legal. Sure to make any pothead feel like a Jedi.

95. For those Star Wars football fans, this R2-D2 pigskin might just strike your fancy.

Sure there may be Star Wars fans who like football. But does that mean an R2-D2 football is a good idea? I kind of beg to differ.

Sure there may be Star Wars fans who like football. But does that mean an R2-D2 football is a good idea? I kind of beg to differ.

96. Step in stride with a pair of your very own furry Chewbacca crocs.

Now R2-D2 crocs are one thing. But these, seriously, I have no idea what the designer was thinking. Besides, the fur just makes these look worse.

Now R2-D2 crocs are one thing. But these, seriously, I have no idea what the designer was thinking. Besides, the fur just makes these look worse.

97. Curl up on your living room floor with this furry Chewbacca skin rug.

From CNET: "On the surface, this Chewbacca rug looks cozy and fun. You just want to lay on it and dream about taking out the Death Star. But let's look closer. To make this rug, someone would have to skin a Wookiee, poach its bandolier and then have the gumption to display it in a home, flaunting the horrifying act." Doesn't help that the girl in this picture is dressed as Princess Leia.

From CNET: “On the surface, this Chewbacca rug looks cozy and fun. You just want to lay on it and dream about taking out the Death Star. But let’s look closer. To make this rug, someone would have to skin a Wookiee, poach its bandolier and then have the gumption to display it in a home, flaunting the horrifying act.” Doesn’t help that the girl in this picture is dressed as Princess Leia.

98. Make a Star Wars fashion statement with these Han Solo in carbonite rings.

I don't know but you. But there's just something a bit insensitive about wearing a frozen guy on your finger. I'm not sure what it is.

I don’t know but you. But there’s just something a bit insensitive about wearing a frozen guy on your finger. I’m not sure what it is.

99. That’s no moon. That’s a Death Star tea infuser.

The ad for this says: "Have a cup now and worry about the thermal exhaust port later." As if the rebels are going to blow it up and kill everyone inside it. Oh, they did.

The ad for this says: “Have a cup now and worry about the thermal exhaust port later.” As if the rebels are going to blow it up and kill everyone inside it. Oh, they did.

100. Keep your kitchen knives neatly arranged with this Rebel X-Wing knife block.

Yes, chop veggies knowing that your X-Wing knife block can destroy the Death Star if need be. Comes with 5 stainless steel knives. Still, I think the blade direction on this might pose a hazard for children.

Yes, chop veggies knowing that your X-Wing knife block can destroy the Death Star if need be. Comes with 5 stainless steel knives. Still, I think the blade direction on this might pose a hazard for children.

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