Since he feels that he has the Baudelaires in his clutches, Count Olaf feels that their fortune will soon be his. And what does he plan to do with it? Well, buy a brand new shiny luxury car with a powerful engine for going over the speed limit and an extra-thick bumper to prevent scratching whenever he rams into other cars. He plans to name the car after himself so when he squeals the brakes, people will say “Here comes Count Olaf!” He then directs the children to head for the nearest luxury car dealership. But the Baudelaires know that he’s delusional at this point. Though he does call the kids his henchmen, they didn’t have much choice to come with him. And threaten them with the Medusoid Mycelium helmet.

The song I chose for this is “And the Money Kept Rolling In (and Out)” from Evita which describes Eva Peron’s philanthropy to increase her reputation and get a little on the side (as far as this musical depicts). In this version, I have Count Olaf imagine what he intends to do with the Baudelaire fortune which will have nothing to do with giving to charity whatsoever. Since Olaf cares for nobody but himself, though he does talk about putting the money in a Swiss bank account to avoid taxes and arrest.

 

“As the Money Comes Rolling In”

Sung by Count Olaf

Count Olaf:
As the money comes rolling in from every side
While my dirty hands reach out and they reach wide
Now you may feel I should give it to some voluntary cause
Ah, but that’s not the point, you brats

When the money comes rolling in, you don’t ask how
Think of how Count Olaf gonna see some good times now
Once I have your family fortune, you will be no more
Never been a fund like the fortune of the Baudelaires

Violet and Klaus:
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!

Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!

Rolling on in, rolling on in, rolling on in, on in!

Count Olaf:
Set a course towards a near luxury dealership
Got to get myself a new shiny car with a bumper extra thick
Your vast family fortune can make my dreams come true
Though I must kill you, you brats

Got to have a powerful engine so I can drive past the legal limit
Would like to ram it into people without getting a scratch in it
Will name the car after myself, in case you want to know
When they hear my breaks squeal, they’ll say, “There goes Count Olaf!”

Violet and Klaus:
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!

Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!

Rolling on in, rolling on in, rolling on in, on in!

Count Olaf:
As the money comes rolling in from all directions
From the dead, from the old, from the rich orphans of all complexions
Now cynics claim too much of the cash has gone astray
Ah, but that’s not the point, you brats

When the money comes rolling in, you don’t keep books
You can tell you’ve done well by how nice your mansion looks
Accountants only slow things down, figures get in the way
Never will be a man so stinking rich as Count Olaf!

Violet and Klaus:
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!

Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!

Rolling on in, rolling on in, rolling on in, on in!

Violet:
Oh, God!

Count Olaf:
When the money comes rolling in, what’s a man to do?
Got to hide all that cash away from the taxman – wouldn’t you?
But where on Earth and people hide their little piece of Heaven?
Thank God for Switzerland!

Where a man has grabbed a lot of petty cash from fortunes
Can be sure, when he deposits, no one’s seen them
Oh, what bliss to sign your checks as three-oh-one-two-seven!
Never been accounts in the name of Count Olaf!

Violet and Klaus:
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!

Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Rolling, rolling, rolling!

Rolling on in, rolling on in, rolling on in
Rolling on in, rolling on in, rolling on in, on in!