A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Bullsh*t on Your Minds”

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It doesn’t take long for Count Olaf’s crew to show up. The carnival freaks show up after wearing various disguises by this point. Esme shows up along with Carmelita with her harpoon gun which she seems to have hit a couple birds with it. Though they briefly discuss the cocktail party, Olaf then threatens everyone with the highly poisonous Medusoid Mycelium which he snatched from the Baudelaires on the Queequeg that he intends to use as a biological weapon. Since its spores grow fast, thrive in closed spaces, and kill within an hour unless you can apply the horseradish antidote before then. And then they move onto the Sugar Bowl.

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The song I chose for this is “Heaven on Their Minds” from Jesus Christ Superstar where Judas tells Jesus to come back to earth and his worries about how the public perceives him, which he views as dangerous. In this versions, I have Count Olaf berate the Baudelaires again about their parents, adult figures in their life, and others. He also discusses his plans for the Hotel Denouement which involve poisoning everyone with the Medusoid Mycelium.

 

“Bullsh*t on Your Minds”

My mind is clearer now
At last, all too well
I can see where we all soon will be
If you strip away
The myth from the man
You will see where we all soon will be

Orphans!
Do you really believe
That there is any good
You really do believe
These adults care for you
For each adult you name
Has greatly let you down
While they can be countered
By those who’d want you drowned

Listen, orphans, I don’t like what I see
All I ask is that you listen to me
And remember
I’ve never been far behind you all along
I have set so many fires
You always see through my disguises
But you somehow make my plans go wrong

I remember when this whole thing began
Mr. Poe made me your very first guardian
And believe me
My great resentment for you hasn’t died
But everything you do or say
Gets twisted ’round some other way
As I hurt you while they buy my lies

Baudelaires, you orphan brats
Should have stole your fucking cash
Would have killed you when I should
I’d have made good
Put you kids in oaken chests
Would have suited orphans best
You’d have caused nobody harm, no one alarm

Listen, orphans, want to know of my plans:
Infecting all with Medusoid Mycelium
Everyone will die
As the spores will strangle you within the hour

I will poison the whole crowd
As they’ll be getting much too loud
And I’ll crush them as they go too far
As they go too far

Listen, orphans, to the warning I give
Please remember that I want one to live
But it’s sad to see
Your chances weakening with every hour
All you Baudelaires are blind
Fucking bullshit on your minds
It was amusing, but now it’s sour
Yes it’s all gone sour

Listen, orphans, to the warning I give
Please remember that I want one to live
C’mon, c’mon
They won’t listen to me
C’mon, c’mon
They won’t listen to me

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