Since the next day is False Spring, preparations are ahead. As Sunny plans to cook a dinner as well as eavesdrop, Count Olaf and Esme dress in all their finery. Olaf dons a suit decorated with eyes which is tacky but not far from what he’d wear. But Esme’s wearing her iconic fire dress which Lemony Snicket thinks is one ghastliest things ever. However, thanks to the Hunger Games where Katniss Everdeen wears a few fire dresses and branded as the “Girl on Fire,” you kind of question Snicket’s judgement. Though to be fair, you don’t expect the world of ASOUE to have the kind of technology to simulate fake flames either. Nonetheless, once she sees a green cigarette giving off smoke, she’s on the toboggan and down the slippery slope.

Of course, I had to go with a song for Esme donning one of her more famous outfits. So I decided to go with “Rainbow High” from Evita where Eva is getting a all dolled up in preparation for her and Juan’s Rainbow Tour of Europe. By the way, this is after Juan’s elected to the presidency of Argentina. In this version, I have Esme getting ready for False Spring and getting in her fire dress. Because she wore it first, Katniss Everdeen.

 

“False Spring High”

Sung by Esme Squalor

Esme:
I don’t really think we need
The reasons why we won’t succeed
We haven’t started
Let’s get this show on the road
Let’s make it obvious
Our plan is off and rolling

Troupe:
Eyes, hair, mouth, figure
Dress, voice, style, movement
Hands, magic, rings, glamour
Face, diamonds, excitement, image

Esme:
I’m exceeding wealthy, you need to adore me
So Christian Dior me from my head to my toes
I need to be dazzling, I want to be False Spring High
They must have excitement, and so must I

Troupe:
Eyes, hair, mouth, figure
Dress, voice, style, image

Esme:
I’m important, it’s vital you sell me
So Machiavell me, make a fire dress rose
I need to be thrilling, I want to be False Spring High
Just make me like Katniss, don’t ask me why

Troupe:
Eyes, hair, mouth, figure
Dress, voice, style, movement
Hands, magic, rings, glamour
Face, diamonds, excitement, image

Esme:
Olaf can’t wait to see Hotel Denouement go down in flames, the last safe place
So don’t disappoint him
I’m an icon, that’s what they call me
So Lauren Bacall me, anything goes
To make me fantastic, I have to be False Spring High
In all flaming colors

You’re not decorating a girl for a night on the town
And I’m not a second-rate queen getting kicks with a crown

Next stop will be Denouement
The diva’s gonna burn, dressed up, somewhere to go
We’ll put on a show

Look out, mighty Denouement
Because you oughta know whatcha gonna get in me
Just a little touch of
Just a little touch of
667’s brand of star quality