A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Bitchy Woman”

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While Count Olaf suggests that Esme send Sunny for the green cigarette she craves, she doesn’t really trust the youngest Baudelaire. But he’s nonetheless excited to see the Hotel Denouement in flames. Even so, he doesn’t allow Sunny to see his preparations so he sends her back to the casserole dish in his car. Nonetheless, the show highly hints that aside from the freaks, Olaf’s henchmen don’t really seem to care about her. Hell, the Hook-Handed Man even calls her “Yoko” at one point in reference to the prolific scapegoat of the Beatles breakup.

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The song I chose here is the Eagles’ “Witchy Woman.” The original version is about a very seductive but dangerous woman any guy with common sense should stay away from. In this version, I have Count Olaf talk about Esme as she’s making her descent while the troupe members complain about her.

 

“Bitchy Woman”

Sung by Count Olaf and his Troupe

 

Count Olaf:
Raven hair and ruby lips
Got to get her green stick fix
Sunny could just as well descend
But she doesn’t trust her and hops in a sled

Troupe:
Woo hoo bitchy woman,
Sledding down Mount Fraught
Woo hoo bitchy woman
Though she’s more of a cunt

Count Olaf:
She lives for fashion with her styles
Quite vivacious as she is vile
Though she shot down what I suggest
As she’s riding the toboggan for a green cigarette

Troupe:
Woo hoo bitchy woman,
Sledding down Mount Fraught
Woo hoo bitchy woman
Though she’s more of a cunt

Count Olaf:
I know that you don’t like her
Think she’s quite a bother
As she’s sleeping in the Devil’s bed

Well, she’s my girl sleeping in my tent
So if you cross her yet
She can rock you in the nighttime
‘Til your skin turns red

Troupe:
Woo hoo bitchy woman,
Sledding down Mount Fraught
Woo hoo bitchy woman
Though she’s more of a cunt

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