The method of choosing the victim to be thrown into the lions pit is simple. It involves taking a name out of a box. Naturally, Count Olaf picks out the name and unfolds it very slowly to increase the suspense. In the TV show, he describes each process in how he gradually unfolds the paper at deliberate speed. Meanwhile, the Baudelaires think about their escape plan as well as all the bloodthirsty crowds they’ve put up with at this point and what to do about it. Though Olivia has the fan belt and Violet’s good at inventing things, she’s more of a Lady McGyver than anything. Klaus may be a walking and talking encyclopedia but he’s not sure what would prevent them from being eaten by lions if he and Violet were chosen. Unfortunately, it’s the elder Baudelaires who are chosen to go into the pit. And I don’t think there was anything random about it. But Violet and Klaus seem to address it like they were chosen for the Hunger Games.

The song I picked for this is “Get Ready” by the Temptations. The original version pertains to a man telling his gal that she better get ready because he’s coming for her. In this version, I have Count Olaf increasing the suspense of the crowd by unfolding the paper very slowly.

“Get Ready” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Count Olaf

I never saw a crowd who loves seeing blood and gore like you do. (It’s alright)
Bet you want to know which freak’s getting thrown into the pit real soon. (It’s outta sight)

So, fee-fi-fo-fum
Look out people, ’cause here it come.

And I’m unfolding the paper for you.
So get ready, so get ready.
To see who’s getting devoured for you.
So get ready, so get ready ’cause here it comes.

(Get ready ’cause here it comes) I’m on my way.
(Get ready ’cause here it comes)
I’m unfolding the paper slowly to make the mood more suspenseful. (It’s alright)
But whoever gets eaten by lions will surely make this all eventful. (It’s outta sight)

So, fiddley-dee, fiddley-dum
Look out people, ’cause here it comes.

And I’m unfolding the paper for you.
So get ready, so get ready.
To see who’s getting devoured for you.
So get ready, so get ready ’cause here it comes.

(Get ready ’cause here it comes) I’m on my way.
(Get ready ’cause here it comes)
(Get ready)

I’m still unfolding the paper but I’m getting to the end now. (It’s alright)
Will Beverly and Elliot step right up to the wooden plank now? (It’s outta sight)

So tiddley-dee, tiddley-dum
Look out people, ’cause here it comes.

And they’re going to be eaten real soon.
So get ready, so get ready.
So the lions will eat them for you.
So get ready, so get ready ’cause here it comes.

(Get ready ’cause here it comes) They’re on their way.
(Get ready ’cause here it comes)
(Get ready ’cause here it comes-a)
(Get ready)