A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “One Long Night”


Realizing that she must find a way to get out her and her siblings’ situation, Violet takes it upon herself to save Klaus. Oh, yes, Sunny helps if she can, too, though she’s a baby. That night, she reads up on Dr. Orwell’s book on Advanced Ocular Science. Sure enough it contains information on hypnotism. Yet, the book contains a lot of long hard words and she struggles to work out exactly what the chapter means. And she can’t really use a dictionary because the Lucky Smells library doesn’t have one. But she eventually establishes that there’s a word to induce hypnotism and a second word to get that person out of a hypnotized state. Though finding the answer keeps her up all night. And she feels quite lonely and wishes Sunny could talk to her since she’s not quite old enough to carry a proper conversation.


The song I chose is “One More Night” which is a deep cut from Bob Dylan’s Nashville Skyline album. The original song is about a guy trying to get over a woman who dumped him and how he’s trying to get over it night after night. In this version, I have Violet trying to get through the night finding the answer to unhypnotize her brother.


“One Long Night”

Sung by Violet Baudelaire

One more night, the stars are in sight
But tonight I’m as lonesome as can be
Oh, the moon is shinin’ bright
Lighting ev’rything in sight
But tonight no light will shine on me.

Oh, it’s shameful and it’s sad
My brother’s in a trance
He just doesn’t seem like the boy he used to be
I will turn my head up high
To that dark and rolling sky
For tonight no light will shine on me.

Finding a hypnosis cure’s a pain to read in this big book
And you can’t talk much to a baby under two

One long night, I will wait for the light
While the wind blows high above the trees
Oh, I miss my brother so
I can’t close my eyes and doze
So tonight no light will shine on me.

One long night, the moon is shinin’ bright
And the wind blows high above the trees
Oh, I miss my brother so
I can’t close my eyes and doze
So tonight no light will shine on me.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again”


During The Miserable Mill, Violet bears the emotional burden on what’s going on with Klaus. As the oldest Baudelaire child, she feels responsible for looking after her younger brother and sister as her parents told her. Sure her parents probably meant along the lines of making sure Klaus didn’t stick his fingers in an electrical outlet or Sunny didn’t eat rat poison. Now that their parents are dead, Violet takes the blame when something goes wrong, like Count Olaf trying to hurt them or steal their money. In this book, she feels that Klaus’s strange behavior is somehow her fault. Thus, she has to figure it out and make everything better. Now that she knows that Dr. Orwell is hypnotizing him, she’s still at a loss to find out how to get him to snap out of it.


The song I chose to view Violet’s state of mind through her emotional rollercoaster is “Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again” from The Phantom of the Opera. In the original version, Christine is mourning for her late father at his grave. Here Violet isn’t just trying to talk to her dead parents, she’s also at a loss for what to do about Klaus. Because she doesn’t know how to fix him.


“Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Violet Baudelaire

You were once my two companions
You were all that mattered
You were once my mum and father
Then my world was shattered

Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed,
If I just dreamed
Somehow you would be here

Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you won’t help me to do
All that you dreamed I could

I swore I’d look after our Klaus
But this time I didn’t
He wanted to leave this sawmill
And I made him stay here

He’s acting strange
It’s all my fault
Nobody else can fix him

Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing we could say goodbye
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
I can invent, fix anything
So how can I fix my brother?
I don’t know what to do
Not sure I can fix him

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Lucky Smells Logic”


Seeing that her brother’s been hypnotized by the sinister Dr. Orwell, Violet decides to put Klaus in the dormitory and see Sir for help. Mostly because he’s the Baudelaires’ current guardian and she doesn’t have anyone else to go to. However, Sir has issued the kids a memo about the accident, which he blames them for and thinks it’s a sign that they’re “bad workers” and that these aren’t tolerated at the lumbermill. Also, he threatens to send the kids away to a receptionist in town who’s named Shirley. Nonetheless, you have to wonder about Sir here. Because he runs a lumber mill, a dangerous place where accidents usually happen like all the time, especially if the workers aren’t wearing protective gear like safety goggles for instance. Secondly, he sees absolutely no problem with putting children to work in such a dangerous place where they shouldn’t be or operating heavy machinery kids shouldn’t get their hands on. All of a sudden, Sir is concerned about the Baudelaires causing a workplace accident? It should be plain to see that Sir’s just using the accident to get the children off his back. But Violet decides to see Sir anyway because she’s worried about what instructions Klaus might receive while under hypnotic influence and that Shirley is Count Olaf. But Sir doesn’t believe any of that. Charles also proves quite useless as well since Sir is a complete asshole.


The song I picked for this meeting was Steely Dan’s “Pretzel Logic.” The original version is a bluesy song about time travel with references to Napoleon and minstrel shows, according to Donald Fagen. But one writer thinks it’s about Steely Dan’s quest for stardom and that whatever they’ve done in the past doesn’t matter anymore since it’s gone. The first verse is said to reflect their distaste for touring, particularly in the American South. In this version, I have Violet pleading to Sir and Charles who don’t amount to anything.


“Lucky Smells Logic”

Well, I came into your office
Because I don’t know where to go
Cause you’re supposed to be our guardian
And my brother’s hypnotized

Orwell’s got him in a trance, got Phil’s leg smashed
Sounds like a broken record on a phonograph
You might send us to Shirley
Who’s really Count Olaf, oh yeah

You really suck as workers
And you caused the accident
If you ever cause another
Then I’m gonna have you sacked

Besides, there’s just no way Shirley’s a man
She’s only got one eyebrow, but plenty have
She’s not at all Count Olaf
Now get out of my face, oh yeah

She has her name right on a plate
No, I didn’t even see her legs
Because I’m being a gentleman
No, you can’t all Mr. Poe
Now why can’t you girls just go

Well, please don’t mind my partner, he’s not that bad
I can’t solve all your problems, but here’s some snacks
You should be seen as family
But, what can you do, oh yeah

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Just You Wait, Little Orphans”


While Dr. Orwell’s practically hypnotizing Klaus at the moment, the Baudelaire girls are stuck in the waiting room with her receptionist, Shirley who’s Count Olaf in a skirt. He may seem like a polite receptionist who made cookies. But once he’s alone with the sisters, he’s more than willing to tell them what he’s up to and that he’s working with Dr. Orwell to get to the Baudelaires. He also offers them a cookie and tells them that he wished in his life was to raise 3 children. Violet and Sunny aren’t having. Though to be fair, Sir could just as easily hand over the kids to Shirley since he doesn’t care much for them. Else he wouldn’t have them work in a dangerous lumbermill for coupons.


The song I used for Count Olaf as Shirley is “Just You Wait” from My Fair Lady. In the original version, Eliza Doolittle fantasizes about getting revenge on Dr. Henry Higgins for putting her through his abuse, which is kind of hilarious. But in this version, I have Count Olaf discussing his plans with the Baudelaire girls and the song taking a far more sinister tone.


“Just You Wait, Little Orphans”

Sung by Count Olaf (as Shirley)

Just you wait, little orphans, just you wait
You’ll be sorry but your tears ‘ll be too late
You’ll be dead and I’ll have money
Will I help you? Don’t be funny
Just you wait, little orphans, just you wait

Just you wait, little orphans, till you’re sick
And I’m sure a poisoned cocktail will do the trick
I’ll be off a second later and go straight to the the-ate-r
Oh ho ho, little orphans, just you wait

Ooo little orphans,
Just you wait till your brother has an accident
Ooo little orphans,
Thanks to Paltryville’s resident hypnotist

When someone’s sliced up in half
I’ll just giggle when you’re sacked
Oh ho ho, little orphans, oh ho ho, little orphans, just you wait

One day I’ll be famous, and real stinking rich
While the Baudelaire children will be deep in a ditch
I’ll douse their bodies with acid so they’ll never be found
Before I bury their remains in the ground

Then after I get them out of my path
I’ll spend their fortune fast
I will hold lavish parties with hookers and blow
I will have a fancy car with a fresh painted coat
I will make sure my critics are soon put to death
But I’d like Lemony Snicket’s head

But for now I’ll need to shave my legs
And sit all day at Georgina’s desk
But soon her hypnotism on bookworm will pay off
And he will manage to piss the mill owner off

As he raises his hand higher, he’ll shout
“Children, you’re fired”
Oh ho ho, little orphans, down you’ll go
Little orphans, just you wait

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Torture of the Night”

Dr. Orwell

However, unfortunately for Klaus, Dr. Orwell is a uniquely sinister character. In fact, she’s a greedy psychopath who’s willing to manipulate others through hypnosis and exploit their lack of free will. And she’ll hypnotize people to get what she wants, including Klaus. Though it’s unclear how often she employs her hypnosis on eye patients. For in the books, she only hypnotizes Klaus. In the TV series, she hypnotizes the whole lumbermill workforce in conspiring with Sir because there’s just no way anyone would agree to work for coupons. In The Miserable Mill, she conspires with Count Olaf for a share of the Baudelaire fortune before the kids arrived. Oh, and Count Olaf is posing as her receptionist Shirley but I’d rather not taste her cookies. Still, Dr. Orwell is quite one of the scariest and vilest villains in the series. After all, she knows that one catches more flies with honey than with vinegar. But Dr. Orwell is the honey, the Baudelaires are the flies, and Count Olaf is the vinegar.


I decided to go with “Music of the Night” from The Phantom of the Opera which I used before to parody Peeta’s hijacking from my Hunger Games musical. Though hypnotism isn’t as bad as what Peeta received, it’s quite scary. The original version is supposed to have the Phantom putting Christine into a trance once he’s lured her to his lair. He sings of his unspoken love for her and urges her to forget the world and the life she had before. Nonetheless, the lyrics are just as creepy because the Phantom is a selfish control freak who wants Christine all to himself. Explaining why this is a great song when a character put under mind control. In this version, I have Dr. Orwell hypnotizing Klaus.


“Torture of the Night” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Dr. Georgina Orwell

Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness wakes and stirs imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses
Helpless to resist what’s in your sight
For I subject you to the torture of the night

Slowly, gently, pain unfurls its splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing, hypnosis is deceiving
Hard as lightning, soft as candlelight.
As you’re thrust into the torture of the night.

Close your eyes –
For your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth will just only make you flee
In the dark it is easy to deceive
That your free will would surely cease.

Softly, deftly trances shall caress you
Hear it, feel it secretly possess you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness that you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the torture of the night

Close your eyes –
Start a journey through a strange new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Close your eyes –
And let my methods set you free.
So your mind will belong to me.

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of hypnosis I ignite
The power of the torture of the night!

You alone can make my aims take flight
As I control you with the torture of the night.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “A Spoonful of Sugar”


Fortunately, after Klaus smashes Phil’s leg on the stamper, he shortly snaps back into himself once someone asks what “inordinate” means. Though he should be lucky that Phil has no hard feelings against him since he’s relieved he still has one good leg left or half-priced pedicures for life. Not to mention, Violet and Sunny are inordinately overjoyed that they have their brother back though he may have no idea what’s going on. However, Flacutono blames Klaus for the accident and trips him again, breaking his glasses. Despite Violet’s offer to fix the stamper machine, Flacutono refuses and said that her brother should see Dr. Orwell. Given her suspicions based on what happened to him the first time, Violet and Sunny decide to go with him just to see what happens. On their way, Klaus suspects that Dr. Orwell hypnotized him based on what he read on hypnotism. Yet, despite her office being shaped like an eye, her office doesn’t seem too scary indoors. Dr. Orwell seems rather pleasant as well for she invites them all in, assures them it won’t take long to fix Klaus’s glasses, tells the Baudelaire sisters to help themselves to her receptionist’s cookies, and assures them she won’t hypnotize him. Though given who her receptionist is, the girls should remain skeptical.


The first song I picked for Dr. Orwell is “A Spoonful of Sugar” from Mary Poppins mostly because I wanted her to seem as unthreatening as possible by this point. And what can make her seem more pleasant than giving her a Mary Poppins song? I mean Mary Poppins is supposed to be an umbrella flying nanny who’s practically perfect in every way. Though the original version is about doing chores. But I think the metaphor sticks to Dr. Orwell’s approach as far as she says since he’s all about attracting more flies with honey. Yet, she’s basically the farthest thing from Mary Poppins.


“A Spoonful of Sugar” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Dr. Georgina Orwell

If you want to attract the flies
Using honey will be nice
But use vinegar to do the same
They all escape

And ev’ry task you undertake
Becomes a piece of cake
A lark! A spree! It’s very clear to see that

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way

Do come in and have a seat
Come enjoy these tasty treats
These cookies made by my receptionist
Yes, I’ll fix your brother’s frames
So they’ll be right as rain
It won’t take long to move the job along for

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way

You must have quite a playful mind
To ask whether I will hypnotize
Your dear brother for a second time
Well, you must be full of crap
To think I’d do a thing like that
I won’t, so please
It’s stuff you only see
In certain scary movies

Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h ah!

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Will It Come Back to You?”

Klaus Hypnotized

Klaus is gone for hours and doesn’t return until the nighttime. The Baudelaire sisters don’t have any idea what’s going on with him or why it’s taking him so long. When he comes back, he has shiny new glasses, but he’s clearly not acting like himself and can’t remember anything. Thinking he’s just tired, Violet and Sunny decide to put him to bed and see if he’ll improve in the morning. However, the next morning, Klaus hasn’t. Even more distressing, when the foreman wakes him up and tells him to get to work, he seems unnaturally absent-minded, robotic, and obedient like obeying orders without question and without bothering to put on his socks and shoes. Something must’ve happened while he was at Dr. Orwell’s optometry office. Then Foreman Flacutono has Klaus operate the stamper which is not something you want a kid to operate. Yes, while Klaus is far more intelligent than most kids, he wouldn’t use a heavy machine without reading a manual which he hasn’t in the stamper’s case. Oh, and he’s not the right state of mind. And Phil just happens to be in the way.


For this part, I used Steely Dan’s “Peg.”  The original version is about an aspiring actress with the director/photographer promising her a big break. Whether he’s leading her own, we don’t know. But judging that Steely Dan got its name from a dildo in Naked Lunch, you can’t help but wonder what kind of actress Peg is. The title is  said to be reference a Broadway star and onetime Hollywood actress Peg Enwhistle, who’s best known to for jumping to her death from the Hollywoodland sign before her first film was released in 1932. Kind of disturbing stuff. In this version, I have Violet worried about Klaus as he proceeds to go to the stamper.


“Will It Come Back to You?”

Sung by Violet Baudelaire

I know you’re in there
I know that you can hear me
What did she put you through?
Cause this is not like you
So why you smile for the foreman
When you said you really hate him, Klaus

You’re acting strangely
You don’t seem to remember
You’re not even wearing shoes
What is wrong with you?
And when you’re smiling in the morning
I know that you’re in trouble

Will it come back to you?
Will it come back to you?

Then the stamper falls
You can’t recall and see it
As it lands and smashes Phil’s leg

Who is this Orwell?
She really seems suspicious
What does she really do?
To put a trance on you
And when you once leave her office,
Will you cause another disaster?

Will it come back to you?
Will it come back to you?

Then the stamper falls
You can’t recall and see it
As it lands and smashes Phil’s leg

Then the stamper falls
You can’t recall and see it
As it lands and smashes Phil’s leg

Then the stamper falls
You can’t recall and see it
As it lands and smashes Phil’s leg

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Hard Time Lumbermill Blues”


At the lumbermill, Foreman Flacutono who may not be Count Olaf. But even the workers think he’s a terrible boss, which says something. I mean he wakes the mill up by banging pans. However, he’s quite terrible to the Baudelaires as they moved through tasks in the mill less suitable for children than the last. Until Flacutono sticks his foot out and trips Klaus over it, breaking his glasses. Sure the foreman denied it, but that doesn’t change how the consequences of his actions are incredibly serious for Klaus. He’s led to Dr. Orwell’s office which resembles an eye that appears on Count Olaf’s ankle. What can go wrong here?


The song I chose for him is the old blues song, “Hard Time Killing Floor Blues,” written by legend Skip James in the early 1930s which is in the O Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack. The original version is about the instability of poverty which often means having to move from job to job and home to home. And it pertains to working in a slaughterhouse where blacks in Illinois often had the worst jobs, especially if they moved up from the South. Anyway, by the time this song came out in 1931, it was the Great Depression. And due to poor sales of his 1931 album, James all but vanished to become a preacher for 30 years until his 1960s rediscovery. In this version, I have Flacutono sings about tripping Klaus but also how bad his time in the mill is since he’s not getting any shit but coupons.


“Hard Time Lumbermill Blues”

Sung by the Bald Man with the Long Nose (as Foreman Flacutono)

Hard time here and everywhere you go
Times is harder than ever been before

Better watch your step wherever you go
I didn’t trip you, don’t blame me for your fall

Did your glasses break? You can’t see a soul
Just go down to Dr.Orwell, she’ll fix them so

Her office is the one, it’s shaped like an eye
Why that so, I really don’t have any idea why

What’s that Charles, giving me flack?
You’ll regret it so watch your back
Mm-mm, mm-mm, you’ll regret so watch your back

And you say you had money, you better be sure
‘Cause these hard times will drive you from door to door

Sing this song and I ain’t gonna sing no more
Sing this song and I ain’t gonna sing no more
These hard times will drive you from door to door

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Whistle While You Work”


While most of the Luck Smells Lumbermill workers have never seen the owner. Yet, his name is so long and so hard to pronounce, he usually goes by Sir. However, the Baudelaires get to meet him since he’s their guardian. He turns out to be kind of a cigar smoking dick. He treats his partner Charles like crap. While Charles states that the Baudelaires should be treated like family and that having the children work in the mill is a mistake, Sir thinks child labor is all fine and dandy. In fact, he struck an agreement with Mr. Poe for as long as the orphans are put to work, he’d get Count Olaf and his cronies off their backs. To him, this is a fair deal since work will teach the children responsibility but it’s not. Neither is paying your workers with coupons and gum. Also, there are only 3 books in the library which include Paltryville’s constitution, a book about the Lucky Smells Lumbermill, and Dr. Orwell’s book on advanced ocular science. And though Charles seems like a reasonable guy, he’s a complete wuss.


For the meeting with Sir, I used the song “Whistle While You Work,” from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. The original version is about enjoying yourself while doing chores with the assistance of the woodland creatures, which Disney lied to us about. But in this version basically involves Sir and Charles trying to get the Baudelaires to make the best of things while in a ridiculously unpleasant situation. Mostly because Charles wants the kids to lift their spirits while Sir really doesn’t give a shit.


“Whistle While You Work” (ASOUE Version)

Just whistle while you work
And cheerfully you’ll bear working in this horrid place
So hum a merry tune
It won’t take long when there’s a song to help you set the pace

And as you saw the logs
Imagine that the log is someone that you love
And soon you’ll find you’re – no that came out wrong

Bald Man with Long Nose:
Oh, no, no, no, no! Put them in the mulcher

When hearts are high the time will fly so whistle while you work

Just whistle while you work
Put on that grin and start right in to whistle loud and long
Just hum a merry tune
Just do your best when you can’t rest to sing yourself a song

When there’s too much to do
Don’t let it bother you, forget your troubles,
When you’re working here for free

And whistle while you work
Come on get smart, tune up and start
To whistle while you work

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Keep on the Sunny Side”


In The Miserable Mill, the Baudelaires a befriended by a Lucky Smells worker named Phil who does what he can to help them adjust to their wretched new lives. However, the children don’t really share the guy’s eternal optimism. And by the way, Lemony Snicket’s definition of an optimist is summed up this way: “For instance, if an optimist had his left arm chews off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, ‘Well, this isn’t too bad. I don’t have my left arm any more, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed,’ but most of us would say something more along the lines of ‘Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!'” Though in the TV show, it’s “half-priced manicures for life.” Anyway, Phil fits this to a T.


When it comes to a good song for Phil, I chose to parody “Keep on the Sunny Side” which was featured on the O, Brother Where Art Thou? soundtrack and was most famously performed by the Carter Family in 1928. While most of the song parodies for A Series of Unfortunate Events I selected mainly pertain to musicals or rock, this one is an exception. It’s actually a traditional Christian hymn written by Ada Blenkhorn in 1899, inspired by her wheelchair-bound nephew’s instance to be pushed down the “sunny side” of the street. The Carter Family’s performance made it a staple in bluegrass and country music. In this version, I took the Christian stuff out and replaced it with how ridiculously horrid the lumbermill conditions are.


“Keep on the Sunny Side” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Phil

Well there’s a dark and a troubled side of life.
There’s a bright and a sunny side too.
But if you meet with the darkness and strife,
The sunny side we also may view.

Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side,
Keep on the sunny side of life.
It will help us every day, it will brighten all the way,
If we keep on the sunny side of life.

Oh, accidents always happen every day,
Crushing legs that we cherish so dear.
But old Sir will in time pass away.
While the injuries will eventually heal.

Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side,
Keep on the sunny side of life.
It will help us every day, it will brighten all the way,
If we’ll keep on the sunny side of life.

Let us greet with a song of hope each day.
While we’re paid in coupons as fare.
Let us go and work our 12-hour days
So Sir won’t kick us out of his care.

Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side,
Keep on the sunny side of life.
It will help us every day, it will brighten all the way,
If we’ll keep on the sunny side of life.
If we’ll keep on the sunny side of life