Though everyone in the V.F.D. van is too busy singing to notice the Baudelaires or care who they are, the kids know they don’t belong there. You can even think these Volunteers Fighting Disease are some kind of creepy cult who’d call out on them for being sad. Anyway, the children are probably the most miserable people in the vehicle after what they’ve been through the last 7 books. Yet, they can’t understand how songs and balloons could make people feel better. Because the Baudelaires certainly aren’t since they lost various people from their parents, they’ve been framed for murder as well as chased by a psychopath who wants their money. Though their bearded leader does give them tips to look up things at the Library of Records at Heimlich Hospital.

The song for Violet and Klaus I chose for their ride to Heimlich Hospital is ABBA’s “Mamma Mia.” In the original version, the woman dumps a guy who cheats on her, only to take him back because she just can’t let him go. Or it can be about a woman not sure whether to keep a guy or not. Still, it’s a very upbeat song. In this version, I have Violet and Klaus sing on how annoying the Volunteers Fighting Disease are and how they’re not enjoying their time.

“Mamma Mia” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
We were just run out at the Last Chance General Store
After sending a telegram to our useless executor
Look at us now, we are fugitives
We had to flee to a windowless V.F.D. van
We got to take what we can
They’re the Volunteers Fighting Disease
Now they’re singing with infectious glee, oh oh

Mamma mia, there they go again
My, my, Christ, they are annoying
Mamma mia, must they sing again?
My, my, no, we’re not even enjoying
God, are they ever cheerful
But we’re all more than fearful
Why, why, did we end up here?
Mamma, mia, our ears bleeding here
My, my, now we’re all stuck in here

Klaus:
At least these guys think anything news isn’t that good
But they’re some creepy cult in their cheerful mood
Look at us now we are desperate
I don’t know how we’d ever endure these guys
Is this our only way to hide?
Just hear these damn volunteers sing
While my thirteen-year ears start to ring, oh oh

Mamma mia, there they go again
My, my, Christ, they are annoying
Mamma mia, must they sing again?
My, my, no, we’re not even enjoying
God, are they ever cheerful
But we’re all more than fearful
Why, why, did we end up here?
Mamma, mia, our ears bleeding here
My, my, now we’re all stuck in here

Both:
Mamma mia, there they go again
My, my, Christ, they are annoying
Mamma mia, must they sing again?
My, my, no, we’re not even enjoying

Mamma mia, there they go again
My, my, Christ, they are annoying
Mamma mia, must they sing again?
My, my, no, we’re not even enjoying
God, are they ever cheerful
But we’re all more than fearful
Why, why, did we end up here?
Mamma, mia, our ears bleeding here
My, my, now we’re all stuck in here