It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Sixth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 29, 2019

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Of course, we can’t have Christmas without all that annoying Christmas music you want to shut yourself away from and can’t avoid. Seriously, even before Thanksgiving, you find it everywhere. But after Thanksgiving, Christmas music is turned up to overdrive. And yes, it’s annoying and will make your ears bleed if you’ve ever had to work in retail. Still, you don’t have to be the artists who recorded them. Since they have to do these while on their summer vacations. Anyway, while some of these covers may be stunning like this Beatles one above, a lot of these aren’t that memorable. In fact, some of them are kind of tacky and in poor taste. Others haven’t aged well and can be rather unintentionally funny. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy vintage Christmas album covers. Enjoy.

Les Menestrels: Tetes Decembrees de Noel

Why is that one head smiling? The woman’s like she’s ready to mount them on her wall with her hunting trophies.

For nothing says Christmas like a blond woman holding 2 disembodied heads.

2. Toby Keith: Classic Christmas

Yet, I have no idea why he’s wearing a Santa hat over his cowboy hat. I mean make up your mind already. Also, it’s clearly photoshopped.

Celebrate the season country style.

3. Shelley Duvall: Merry Christmas

Though I’d rather have them clean my house. Also, are those reindeer or horses?

Featuring cartoon woodland creatures.

4. Dynamite: Dynamite’s Soul Christmas

Give him some Jack Daniels whiskey and sandwiches instead. Maybe a few bottles of the former.

Sorry, kids, but Santa’s through milk and cookies this year.

5. 98°: This Christmas

Yet, they must use really good bleach because their outfits stand out more than anything else. Also, clearly photoshopped.

These guys must be dreaming of a white Christmas.

6. Vincent Lopez: Christmas Music

Santa sits back on a plastic chair like he’s drunk off his ass. Also, that chair can’t be very comfortable.

Cause even Santa needs a break now and then.

7. Soulful Dynamics: Dying Snowman

Sure, it would’ve been a decent cover if it wasn’t for the title. Also, the snowman’s face just says it all.

When you want to spice up the holiday season with some existential dread.

8. Los Tremendos Sepultureros; El Nino del Tambor

Seriously, why do they have a woman in a sleazy Santa outfit? Now the guys are really anticipating their Christmas lap dance.

For the guy who wants to hold his bachelor party during the holidays.

9. Xmas a Go Go

Seriously, these guys seem like they’re just doing the album for the money. And that they’d rather be somewhere else like on vacation.

For the J and K pop band who needs a few extra bucks.

10. The Joy Strings: Christmas with the Joy Strings

Also, what the hell is that black girl doing here? Does she have a black parent taking the picture? Was she adopted? Or is she there just to bring some mandatory diversity among the kids? Seriously, her appearance needs some context.

Brought to you by one of the guys from Goodfellas.

11. Freunde: Wir Warten Auf Weihnachten

This guy doesn’t seem to like being Santa. Maybe he should throw a toy at the kids. Can start with that plush bunny.

When you have to work as a mall Santa around kids with no consideration for your personal space.

12. Edna Gallix: Petit Papa Disco Hit Noel

What the hell is that woman wearing? The cape over the sleeveless outfit doesn’t make much sense to me.

When St. Nick likes what he sees.

13. Cabbage Patch Kids: A Cabbage Patch Christmas

Yes, these dolls were very popular during the 1980s and 1990s. And no, I have no idea why they’re in the winter cold only wearing sweaters.

Apparently, these dolls can sing.

14. Crazy Frog: “Jingle Bells/Last Christmas”

I mean frogs wouldn’t be out during the winter since they’re cold blooded. And they wouldn’t be rolling snowballs without a coat on either.

Well, this frog is sure damn crazy.

15. Diommy Kito: Xmas Memories

After all, these guys have devil ears and pitchforks. While the woman between them doesn’t have much on.

You can tell something went naughty at this party.

16. Paul Kuhn and his Orchestra: Christmas Polka

He seems to have a lot of cans of it, too. Wonder if he’s planning to enter an eating contest.

When you just have to help yourself to some yuletide sausage.

17. Filobin: Filobin Chante Noel

Kind of reminds me of Pennywise’s accountant. And ladies, please, don’t take his rose or he will kill you. Mark my words.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you a singing Christmas clown.

18. Ferrante and Teicher: Xmas Hi Fivories

Though I’m not sure if they know what they’re doing. Also, what’s in that one reindeer’s bucket? It better not be water.

Reindeer repairing pianos standing by.

19. Lula: Natal Alegre

You can see how Santa eyes the woman with a pervy stare. I’m sure Mrs. Claus won’t be happy about this.

Apparently, Santa digs chicks with pink hair.

20. King Diamond: No Presents for Christmas

And apparently, the reindeer doesn’t seem to appreciate it. Least of all posing with a guy from a KISS cover band.

Don’t forget to decorate your reindeer this Christmas.

21. Lady Gaga: A Very Gaga Holiday

Since the text seems to run into her picture. For God’s sake, you can barely see the title.

Sometimes the font seemed like a good idea at the time.

22. Lynn Anderson: The Christmas Album

Yeah, her face just seems like she’s smiling but has feelings of anxiety and annoyance inside. And she’s getting impatient.

When you pose for an album that you do because you’re under contract.

23. Mambo Santa Mambo: Christmas from the Latin Lounge

Yet, the dancers are shown in yellow light with some dark shadows. While the woman’s dress opens quite high on her thigh.

Christmas time is always great for a mambo.

24. The Roller Disco Orchestra: Non-Stop Christmas Disco

And yes, some guys are dancing to it. Still, I don’t get the Christmas disco craze. Seriously, why?

For when your Christmas can’t get more 1970s.

25. Rod Stewart: Merry Christmas, Baby

Still, the album image and title might appeal to Boomers, I don’t consider Rod Stewart as sexy at any rate. For God’s sake he sounds like he has throat cancer.

For when you record a Christmas album to prove you still got it.

26. Rolf Harris: Rolf Harris Sings Mary’s Boy Child

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Sure dad and child look at the nativity lamp. But I’m sure if I’d trust the guy with that kid. Kind of seems creepy.

Of course, you can’t forget the reason for the season.

27. Connie Canuso: Connie Canuso Sings “Someone Painted Rudolph’s Nose a Chocolate Brown”

Girl seems freaked out by the fact. Still, that reindeer in this cover looks incredibly terrifying for some reason.

So does make Rudolph having to function as a normal reindeer?

28. Natal Jovem: Boas Festas

Well, they’re bodies and heads seem quite close together that it’s freakish. Also, their eyes are rather funny.

Brought to you by a freaks 3 headed Santa.

29. Shonen Knife: A Shonen Knife Christmas Record for You

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Yes, there’s a group called Shonen Knife. There are even lyrics for “Space Christmas,” which I really don’t want to listen to.

Dress styles inspired by Mondrian.

30. Jularbo: Jul med Jularbo

One of the accordion players is alleged to be the father of Weird Al Yankovic. But as of now, that theory is inconclusive. Still, one accordion is enough, okay?

Introducing 3 Santas playing polka.

31. James Brown: James Brown’s Funky Christmas

For an artist as legendary as James Brown, you’d think he’d have the best album cover designer. This seems more straight out of some software printshop program from the 2000s.

Cover by dated graphics program.

32. Larry the Cable Guy: Christmastime in Larryland

And he’s wearing a Santa hat over a camo hat. Still, the smiling disembodied head just freaks me out.

Featuring Larry’s disembodied head.

33. Lawrence Welk: “Jingle Bells”

After all, the parents are in their pajamas and giving the ornaments a shine. And I thought I had a problem with procrastination.

Apparently, this family was quite late decorating their Christmas tree.

34. Merle Haggard: Merle Haggard’s Christmas Present

One daughter has a wide collar on her red dress. One seems dressed like Waldo in coveralls. While a boy’s got stripes on a real tacky brown shirt.

Here with his guitar and embarrassed that he’s one of the only member of his family normally dressed.

35. Ames Brothers: The Sounds of Christmas Harmony

The dad’s touching the boy’s shoulder and I’m not sure whether it’s appropriate. Probably is. Also, I don’t think the mom should hold the candle that way.

The family that sings carols together stays together.

36. Los Diplmaticos: Navidades

Actually, people would rather you not. Since they’d rather get drunk, eat, socialize, or open presents. Mostly the last one.

I’m sure everyone wants to hear your sax solo at the Christmas party.

37. Gary Glitter: Another Rock and Roll Christmas

I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. Still, the outfit and hair are so 1970s. Also, he got involved in a sexual misconduct charge involving minors.

Is it just me or does he remind me of Dewey Cox from Walk Hard?

38. Celine Dion: Chantes et contes de Noel

Yet, you’d almost think the kids surrounding her are ready to crush her. Wonder if she can get out of there in one piece.

Guess this was for a French Candian audience.

39. Heinjte: Weihnachten mit Heinjte

Though the cover’s clearly photoshopped. Also, his eyes kind of reveal that he doesn’t want to be there.

Apparently, one’s never too young to celebrate Christmas solo.

40. Tino Rossi: “C’est la Belle Nuit de Noel.”

Well, some kid took his beard. Still, doesn’t seem too fazed over it. Maybe French kids think about Santa differently. But the teddy bear thinks otherwise.

“Hey, you’re not Santa.”

41. Baldo: Petit Pepe Noel

Yet, there’s one guy who seems rather excited by the upcoming Christmas bar drinking. The other guys play it cool.

“Christmas beer for everyone.”

42. Jimmy Jules and the Nuclear Soul System: Christmas Done Got Funky

Not sure if that’s a good idea. This is especially if the only white guy bears a slight resemblance to Steve Buscemi.

Apparently, they decided to go shirtless for the cover.

43. The Lundstroms: Colorado Christmas

Since all the women and girls in this obviously have their hair styled in some unnatural way. Kind of reminds me of pictures you’d see on Awkward Family Photos.

Brought to you by copious amounts of hairspray.

44. Jimmy Sturr and His Orchestra: “Polka Christmas” in My Home Town

He also wears a black shirt with a pink sweater. And he doesn’t care the least. Nor does he mind the godawful upholstery.

Here Jimmy spends Christmas all by himself being the true loner he is.

45. La Tuna Estudiantina de Cayey

The lollipops look like they’re eaten. While the snowmen have no personality.

Featuring candy snowmen and candy canes.

46. Merry Christmas

The red background doesn’t do any wonders for them. Also what are those ball gift things?

When you want to look cool for the holidays but fail.

47. We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Apparently some are wearing leis. Did they do this photo op while on a Hawaii vacation? Or did some wear whatever they had on at the time?

Featuring all the artists who were under Warner Brothers contracts.

48. Three Suns: Christmas Party

Even the illustrated bird is like, “what the hell, man.” Yeah, it’s quite strange looking isn’t it?

And one that seems to go with formal attire in ornaments.

49. Alvin Styczynski: Alvin’s Christmas Album

You know the guy who thinks he’s such a great musician but will never leave. Because the music industry is a cutthroat business that only values looks.

Featuring music by that guy you know in accounting.

50. Jim Jones & Skull Gane: A Tribute to Bad Santa

One guy sits on a throne with Jack Daniels and a cigar. While the other guys are behind sacks. Or are they in them?

You mean the forgettable film starring Billy Bob Thornton?

Deck the Halls with These Christmas Craft Projects (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 29, 2019

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Of course, we can’t celebrate Christmas without some decorations. Though stores had them inside in October, once Halloween’s come and gone, you’ll find more of them than you’d see for Thanksgiving. At least in the US. Since other countries don’t necessarily celebrate Thanksgiving. Anyway, while some might prefer shopping for Christmas decorations, others might want to make their own. But unlike the treats which will go bad if you don’t eat them within a short period of time, you can stash these craft projects in your attic once the yuletide season’s done and take them out again and again in subsequent years. So for your reading pleasure this holiday season, I give you another assortment of delightful Christmas craft projects. Enjoy.

Hope you’ll be cool enough for this ice skate bouquet.

Has evergreen branches and white flowers inside. Makes a great centerpiece.

2. For a more retro-looking Christmas, this is the wreath for you.

It’s a bauble wreath with of shiny ornaments of great variety. And all in bright colors.

3. Perhaps you’d want some stuff ornaments.

These are made of felt and consists of Christmas trees and stockings. The stockings have hearts while the trees sport some colorful ornaments.

4. Protect your hands with this Santa pot holder.

It’s crocheted, too, by the way. Even has a pom pom for his hat.

5. Bet you’ve never seen twisty ornaments like these.

They’re supposed to resemble vintage ones. Consists of beads, string, ribbons, and whatever that cylinder thing is.

6. You might want to consult this snowman on giving you the time of day.

Though I’m not sure if the clock actually works. But I like the jewel on his hat.

7. You can hold anything in these reindeer flower pots.

Each is painted with reindeer attributes. Though their antlers are made from cardboard and sport jingles.

8. Greet holiday visitors with these wooden reindeer.

Each have twig antlers and a large jingle around their neck. Come in male and female.

9. Don’t like wreaths? Try a wooden snowflake.

You can hang it outside or indoors. Makes a perfect cabin decoration.

10. Grace your holiday home with some crocheted Christmas trees.

Can come in a variety of colors and patterns with ribbons on top. Some even have beads.

11. Got dead bulbs? Put them in glitter.

Some of these have snowflakes on them. Perfect for any winter wonderland. So pretty.

12. Perhaps you might want to wrap string around some Christmas trees.

Actually these are from a special kind of string. Still, love the intricate Christmas star toppers.

13. There’s something minty about this wreath.

Well, these are red and white mints, not candy canes. Also topped with a light green bow.

14. Impress your guests with these tiny trees at Christmas dinner.

It’s made out of small tree slice and a tree twig. Star has guest’s name.

15. These are rather strange gingerbread houses.

Since they’re made out of painted flower pots. Love the candy and colors on them.

16. With white yarn, you can build a snowman.

Just make sure to give him a wire hat and arms. Also, string to help him retain shape.

17. Stun your holiday guests with this candy cane button tree.

Sure it might not smell of peppermint. But you have to love the bow on top. So pretty.

18. Enhance your tree with these plaid ornaments.

These are in a black and red pattern. Also contain snowflakes for a wintry effect.

19. A shiny button tree will make your spirits bright.

Has shiny beads on it, too. Love the beautiful pink star on top.

20. Green hair is always in with the Christmas season.

It’s one of those doll ornaments. She also carries a large bauble that could easily be her purse.

21. This amigurumi snow family will melt your heart.

Consists of a mom, dad, and a baby. However, unlike real snowmen, you can keep them inside.

22. A rustic Christmas tree can always use a burlap snowflake.

Even has some wooden red beads in the middle. Held up by a thin red ribbon.

23. You’ll be hooting for this owl ornament.

It’s made out of a pinecone. Love it’s fluffy eyes. So adorable.

24. You can’t do without a bauble that has flowers and jewels.

I guess the flowers were painted on. While the jewels were added later.

25. A pink ornament can always use some pearls and roses.

Also includes lace and a pink ribbon. It’s supposed to look a bit old-fashioned. So pretty.

26. A glittery reindeer can use a few touches.

This reindeer wears a light blue bow with a flower and pearls. And she’s looking fabulous.

27. Maybe you’d like a little yarn Santa.

Though this one wears a rather brownish hat. Still, so cute.

28. You’ll adore this jingling angel.

This one’s made out of folded cloth and jingles. Perfect as a Christmas ornament.

29. A crocheted gingerbread belongs on any Christmas tree.

This one has a smiling face. And it poses no risks of being in an oven.

30. Dress for your Christmas party with these dainty Christmas tree earrings.

These are made out of beads. But will certainly go with that ugly sweater of yours.

31. Deck the halls with this burlap garland.

Yes, red and green burlap does exist. Just go to a local craft store. Also, lights up.

32. A bauble tree like this is perfect for any winter wonderland.

This one has silver and blue baubles with silver beads. Perfect for any holiday mantle.

33. Everyone will love these stuffed heart ornaments.

Yes, they’re made out of felt. But each one has a unique stich pattern.

34. Get a load of these stockings.

Each of these is red and white. One has jingles on its edge. The others have pearls.

35. A large bauble garland is perfect for any fireplace.

You’d almost think this house is in Whoville. Festive but kind of excessive, don’t you think?

36. Little elves would love these Christmas finger puppets.

Little elves would love these Christmas finger puppets.

37. If you need a simple decoration, just add pinecones and baubles.

You put them in flower pots with evergreen branches. Perfect to put outside your winter cabin.

38. You’d want to hug this crocheted Rudolph.

This is from the old 1960s Rankin and Bass cartoon they play every year during the Christmas season. Nonetheless, it basically celebrates that being different is bad unless you can prove yourself useful.

39. Ring in the holidays with these trees.

They’re felt tree ornaments with jingles on them. Perfect for any Christmas tree.

40. How about a large jolly Santa wreath?

Seems to have rather skinny legs. Still, it’s kind of adorable.

41. Get in the Christmas spirit in a sparkly white dress.

She’s one of those doll ornaments. And yes, she carries a glittery star.

42. Felt lights can always brighten holiday spirits.

And they come in so many different colors. Feel free to put on as many as you want.

43. Nothing can be sweeter than these gingerbread house ornaments.

Yes, they’re made of felt and come with trees. And yes, they come in many variations.

44. Everyone can enjoy a dress of gold.

This doll ornament sports a large gold bauble. Perfect to hang on any tree.

45. A winter wonderland can use a wreath of snowflakes.

These might be made from cardboard or wood. Perfect for a winter themed home.

46. A red holiday dress will make spirits bright.

She has red pom poms on her head and carries a red glittery star. Her belt has a silver rose.

47. Dreaming of a white Christmas? Write it on a snow globe.

This is a chalkboard snow globe. But we’ll have less white Christmases in the future because of climate change.

48. A beaded snowflake will always sparkle.

This one has a lot of pearl beads. Great for hanging on the tree.

49. This is a unique Christmas tree.

This one has rings and baubles inside. Also has a burlap bow and a silver star.

50. You’ll be frosty for this snowman apron.

Or snow woman apron since it’s made for the fairer sex. Even has button eyes.

51. Don’t forget to gather some cinnamon sticks.

Well, the sticks are tied up by yarn and have holly on it. Wonder how they smell.

52. Feel free to cover these trees with yarn.

They’re topped with yellow pom poms. Great for any fireplace mantle.

53. Cat fanciers would love this ornament.

It’s painted like a cat. Also wears a Santa hat. But keep it away from your cat.

54. For a frosty Christmas, this snowman wreath is for you.

This one has a rather fancy hat and incredible bow. Perfect for any rustic Christmas cabin.

55. A small terra cotta tree is better than none.

These are small flower pots stacked over each other and painted green. Decorated with beads and jewels.

56. Do you want to build a glassy snowman?

The buttons, eyes, and nose are made from paper. Also, wears a scarf and hat.

57. Protect your hands with this crocheted Rudolph pot holder.

This one has a large red nose. A nice addition for a fine Christmas kitchen.

58. A winter scene belongs on an ice skate.

Contains a snowman and some pine trees on a hill. Has evergreen branches and berries inside.

59. You can’t go wrong with these Christmas tree earrings.

These are made out of wire with beads. Not very hard to make if you have the right stuff.

60. Grace your yard with this snowman pallet.

This one has a snowman in a blue night background. And he wears a bowtie instead of a usual top hat.

61. You’ll find some mistletoe on this crystal ornament.

Well, the mistletoe isn’t real. And the berries are in red glitter.

62. Celebrate the reason for the season with these nativity scene panels.

There’s only 3 of them in long strips. They consist of Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus.

63. How about a Christmas tree made out of sticks?

This one has all kinds of ornament descending from the branches on the wall. Even lights up.

64. A Christmas star should always be made from sticks.

These are made from thin branches from a tree and tied together. Also lights up as you can see.

65. A green ornament can always use some fringe.

Well, this is more of a sea green. Has gold ribbons, green beads, and white roses.

66. Silver hair goes with a silver dress.

She carries a silver glittery star. Great for any holiday themed tree during the Christmas season.

67. Decorate your Christmas tree with some Santa flower pot ornaments.

These have crocheted hats with holly on them. While the beards are quite curly.

68. Greet your holiday visitors with this decomesh snowman.

I’m sure he’ll give you a rather frosty reception. Still, I like the hat. Very spiffy.

69. Perhaps you might prefer a more retro wreath.

Consists of reindeer, baubles, toadstools, holly, and a gnome. Goes perfect with a silver Christmas tree.

70. You’ll find a few nuts with this snowflake.

This is made out of wire and screw nuts. Can easily find these materials in a garage or a local hardware store.

71. These Santas will always charm.

These have fringe beards and wire glasses. And yes, their button eyes check lists twice.

72. Felt trees make a nice addition to your holiday home.

These even have red bead ornaments. While both sit on a wooden stand.

73. This snowman ornament is quite frosty.

This one has a knitted hat and painted face on a bauble. Includes dice decor on the hat.

74. Got a white door? Build a snowman.

This one just consists of paper pieces you can just put on. And yes, it’s quite ingenious.

75. These stockings look quite fuzzy.

These have pom pom edging. Available in green and red as well as multiple patterns.

76. Can I interest you in a Santa tree?

This one consists of red and silver baubles. The pot is red with a belt and buckle.

77. Nothing makes winter memorable like these flower pot snowmen.

These are all painted with hats and straw brooms. Available in red, green, and blue.

78. A bare bauble can use a jeweled cover.

Okay, the beads aren’t real gems. But you have to love the blue flowers on this.

79. These baubles can use some snazzy zigzags.

These consist of stripes of glue and glitter. Still, I’m sure making them will cause a huge mess.

80. Celebrate Christ’s birth with these nativity finger puppets.

All are made out of felt. But full display will require multiple hands.

81. These snowflake hearts won’t freeze your holiday spirit.

They’re all made of felt with blue snowflakes on them. Perfect for a winter wonderland tree.

82. A fancy blue ornament can use a few flowers.

This one has a few curls from the bow. Also has jewels.

83. Grace a rustic fireplace with these burlap Christmas trees.

These are dowels wrapped with burlap in a Christmas tree shape. Includes copper stars.

84. Perhaps you might want a fancy jeweled ornament on your tree.

This one has plenty of jewels on it. And it seems to glimmer in the light. Like the flower design.

85. A simple wooden Christmas tree will do.

This one has hooks for tiny ornaments. While a paper red star sits on top.

86. A Christmas wreath can use a snowflake.

Also has evergreen branches along with silver, pearly white, and red baubles and jingles. Great for any Christmas door.

87. A Christmas wreath can use a large red bow.

Includes evergreen branches and red berries. Great for greeting visitors during the holidays.

88. Count down to Christmas with this Advent bucket calendar.

Each bucket contains a special surprise. And it’s usually candy.

89. Greet your Christmas visitors with this basket display.

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Includes branches, berries, and ribbons. Says, “Merry Christmas” on a metal tag.

90. You’ll find a few trees with this yarn pom pom wreath.

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The trees are in several different colors in the center. Kind of reminds me of a Dr. Seuss cartoon.

91. Nothing is sweeter than this hanging of gingerbread men.

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They even have different patterned bow ties. held by a wire with branches.

92. A pink beaded Christmas tree will always shimmer.

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This one is made out of beads and safety pins. While there’s a nice silver star on top.

93. Decorate your tree with these tree slice ornaments.

There’s one Santa and several snowmen. Wonder why that is.

94. Maybe you can use a paintbrush Santa.

Each of these has a funky hat. While a jingle and a bow sits on top.

95. These wooden snowmen will delight your winter holidays.

Each of these has a snazzy hat and scarf. Like the snowflake buttons on 2 of them.

96. This Christmas wreath is all spooled.

Rather it’s made out of spools. And they have blue, pink, and red thread on them.

97. A red frame can use a couple baubles and snowflakes.

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This one has a couple pearly white baubles and a few shimmering snowflakes. Perfect for any Christmas door.

98. Any child would love these charming stockings.

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These have plush decorations. Available with a Santa, snowman, and reindeer.

99. You’ll find these snowmen a bit blocky.

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Yes, they have blocks stacked on them. Some more than 3. Yet, you got to love their stars.

100. This winter, don’t forget to change into your winter snow tires.

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Well, they’re snowmen made out of tires. And yes, they’re still around even when it doesn’t snow.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen on These Christmas Treats (Sixth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 29, 2019

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As with most holidays, food plays a prominent role in Christmas, especially since it involves relatives coming over. After all, you can’t celebrate a major holiday without receiving a big feast. That many will put down weight loss for their New Year’s resolution and join a gym that they’ll only use a few times in January. Of course, you’ll find plenty of desserts that show Christmas motifs like Christmas trees, Santas, snowmen, candy canes, gingerbread men, reindeer, and more. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of delectable Christmas treats. Enjoy.

Treat your guests this Christmas to some reindeer cake.

Comes with holly edging at the bottom. Topped with a red nose and antlers.

2. Drink hot chocolate by the fire with some gingerbread marshmallows.

Hope they don’t taste like gingerbread. Because that would be rather disgusting.

3. Anyone would love this reindeer candy.

You can see it’s made from a Reese’s cup. Love the face and bow. So cute.

4. Snowman cookies will always belong on your Christmas dessert platter.

These have 3 dough balls and pretzel sticks. Decorated by icing.

5. Hate Christmas? Try these Grinch cookies.

These just show the Grinch’s hand holding an ornament. But it’s a picture with icing.

6. Snow globe cookies are the treat of the season.

These are made from gingerbread. While the globes have Christmas trees inside.

7. Want a gingerbread cookie on a stick?

Okay, these are sugar cookies iwth gingerbread faces. They even wear bows to indicate gender.

8. Care for some gingerbread fudge?

Funny, that it doesn’t look brown. Wonder if it tastes like gingerbread. Hope not.

9. Feast your eyes on some Rudolph snacks.

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Each of these consists of those bread crackers with chocolate antlers. The eyes and nose are made from candy.

10. Wake up this Christmas to some Santa pancakes.

Has a beard of whipped cream and a hat of strawberries. Also has banana ears and candy facial features.

11. These snowman cookies will melt in your mouth.

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Each of them has white icing with chocolate chips. The carrot noses are made out of candy.

12. These snowman truffles come with their own Oreo hats.

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And they seem like they’re minding their own business or about to do some kind of song and dance routine. So adorable.

13. Send an edible arrangement with this apple slice Christmas tree.

Well, the apple slices consists of the bows. Though you got plenty of fruity stars.

14. These snowmen cookies are all melted.

They’re basically 2 cookies stacked on top of each other. And they’re both covered in white icing.

15. A broccoli wreath makes a perfect Christmas veggie platter.

The stars are made from cheese. The ornaments and bow are made from tomato.

16. For a more rustic Christmas, try these cookies.

Yes, these are professionally made onto gingerbread. But at least they have a more naturalistic feel.

17. Door cookies will always have you begging for more.

These have wreaths on them. And some may not have edible decorations like the bows.

18. Want a slice of holly wreath cake?

Each of these is in a diamond slice with berries and a leaf etched icing. Love how it’s chocolate.

19. Stick your cracker into this snowman cheese ball.

This one has asparagus arms and a pea pod scarf. It even wears a wreath on its head.

20. Anyone would get shivers for this penguin cake.

This one has a red and green party hat. Love how it waves its wings. So cute.

21. Reindeer Oreos are a grand Christmas treat.

Each of these is covered in white icing. Sport red antlers and M&M eyes and nose.

22. Get a load of these Christmas tree pretzels.

These are made from pretzel sticks and drizzle. Each is in a bright color and decorated with sprinkles.

23. You have trouble with these tree and wreath cookies.

These are decorated with green and red icing. And they’re not very complicated to make.

24. Grace your Christmas dessert platter with some snow globe cupcakes.

Yet, each seems to feature scenes in Florida for some reason. Even the ones including snowmen next to palm trees, which isn’t realistically plausible.

25. Hope these ornament cookies make your mouth water.

Each of them has a hole for a gel filling that’s covered in candy sugar. Not sure how that’s possible.

26. These Rudolph cookies are filled with chocolate chip goodness.

Each has a Reese’s cup in the center. Antlers are made from pretzel bits.

27. Kids can’t resist these Rice Krispie treat reindeer.

Both are on sticks and have chocolate antlers. But they’re nonetheless adorable.

28. You’ll have peace on earth with this angel cake.

Sure, it’s not incredibly elegant. But you have to admire the wings and halo.

29. Perhaps your Christmas veggie platter can use some elegance.

This one contains olives and cherry tomatoes. Perfect for more formal Christmas parties.

30. You’ll find these Christmas tree fudge cookies minty fresh.

Since they contain candy cane bits on them. While the bottoms are chocolate.

31. This gingerbread chef cake is king of the kitchen.

Has a cute little chef’s hat. While a bow appears around its neck for effect. So cute.

32. Nothing can top these North Pole cupcakes.

This one is covered in white icing with a stick and a marshmallow on top. Real simple to make.

33. These snowman peanut cookies won’t receive any frosty reception.

Each of these has M&M buttons. Perfect for leaving out for Santa.

34. Care to put some holly on your log cake.

The holly on this cake is chocolate by the way. Berries are probably cherries or fake.

35. Put this Christmas tree on your fruit platter.

Mostly consists of grapes because they’re green. The garlands are orange slices while the star is a starfruit.

36. Pull a bun off some Christmas tree bread.

This one has a lot of toppings on them. Can see some cheese and basil leaves.

37. You may delight in this kiwi Christmas tree.

This one only has strawberry ornaments. A rather minimalistic approach.

38. You’ll fall over for this polar bear cake.

The polar bear’s just been through a skiing accident. Also wears a Santa hat.

39. Decorate your Christmas dessert platter with these ornament cake pops.

Each one of these is covered with icing. Green ones have snowflakes. Red ones have holly.

40. You’ll feel at home with these Christmas cookies.

Each of these is decorated for Christmas. Some of the wreaths have sprinkles, too.

41. Mouse king cheese fudge slices make an ideal Christmas dessert.

Though remember he’s a character from The Nutcracker. And he’s kind of vicious enough to give you nightmares.

42. You can’t go wrong with reindeer marshmallow pops.

Has chocolate pretzel antlers. Perfect for gift bags.

43. Holly and leaf gingerbread cookies are just what you need for the season.

They’re glazed in shiny icing too. Also made out of gingerbread. But berries and leaves come separately.

44. Perhaps you can use some candy cane dessert.

This mostly consists of sweetbread wrapped into a candy cane. Not sure if it contains any fruit.

45. There’s nothing frosty about these snowmen cake pops.

This mostly consists of sweetbread wrapped into a candy cane. Not sure if it contains any fruit.

46. These Christmas cake balls will surely delight in the season.

They’re white with red and green icing. Each contains something associated with Christmas like Santa, snowman, stocking, tree, and lights.

47. These Christmas trees cupcakes are rather untamed.

These are just trees made from icing. Perfect for any rustic dessert platter.

48. How about a Christmas tree cookie on a stick?

These are just trees made from icing. Perfect for any rustic dessert platter.

49. These snowman cakepops are great for any snowy day.

Each of these is bundled up in pink. Perfect for any Christmas dessert platter. So cute.

50. Holiday present cookies are full of surprises.

Actually they contain M&Ms. Available in red and green.

51. Care for some Christmas tree brownies?

Actually they contain M&Ms. Available in red and green.

52. Perhaps you can warm up to these Santa cake pops.

Been awhile since I did anything with Santa on this post. Still, each of these is covered in icing. Like the hats.

53. Gingerbread snowflake cookies make for a great winter treat.

Each of these has rather intricate snowflake design. Come in all shapes and sizes.

54. You’ll be jingling with these cake pops.

Yes, they’re made to resemble jingle bells. They’re all made on red cake with white icing.

55. You’ll be aglow for these Rudolph cookie cups.

These have poinsettia pretzel antlers. Wonder where you can get them.

56. You may be in the mood for a holly cheesecake.

Contains berries and holly leaves. The leaves are made out of chocolate.

57. You may adore these reindeer heart cookies.

These are covered in chocolate with chocolate pretzel antlers. And yes, they have gumdrop red noses.

58. Care for a Christmas tree Oreo?

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These are doused in chocolate icing with drizzle. Can come in pink or green. But they’re all covered in sprinkles.

59. These gingerbread Rice Krispie treats are a real Christmas delight.

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Each of them comes on a stick. Also sport M&M buttons.

60. Any little elf would love a reindeer ice cream cone popcorn treat.

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These consist of a chocolate ice ceam cone with popcorn stuffed into them. Also consists of chocolate drizzle.

61. You’ll be lost to go without these Christmas tree cookies.

These are chocolate and covered in green icing. Also contain shiny ornaments of questionable edibility.

62. Feast your eyes on this Christmas cake.

This one has Santa on top with the words, “Merry Christmas.” Love the snowflakes.

63. These Christmas cupcakes will be a hit on any dessert platter.

Each of these embodies Christmas in its own unique way. One even has bells.

64. You can’t do without a marshmallow snowman in your hot chocolate.

Though you can’t see a snowman sitting in a hot tub. Has a candy corn nose and pretzel stick limbs.

65. You’ll be freezing for these North Pole ice cream cone cakes.

Of course, penguins live in the South Pole. But they’re relying on cuteness here.

66. Help yourself to a Santa Ritz cracker snack.

Each of these has a cream cheese beard and a pepperoni slice hat. They used the holes for eyes.

67. Perhaps you can chill to a polar bear cupcake.

Each of these is covered in sprinkles. Also, they’re so adorable they’ll melt your heart.

68. Anyone would love a piece of this Christmas tree cake.

This one consists of a large triangle decorated with M&Ms. You can’t eat the star on top though.

69. Grace your appetizer platter with this wreath veggie tray.

This one contains broccoli, turnips, carrots, cauliflower, and cherry tomatoes. Perfect for any Christmas party.

70. Treat yourself to a Christmas wreath donut.

These are decorated with icing and sprinkles. Best of all, they’re chocolate.

71. Feel free to take an ornament cupcake.

These are in red, green, and white. Each is uniquely decorated in shiny sprinkles and icing.

72. You might prefer an ornament Oreo or 2.

Each of these are dipped and icing and richly decorated. Like the one with the red and green stripes.

73. Care for a Hershey’s gingerbread house?

This one has chocolate walls and roof. Trimmed with icing and candy canes.

74. Anyone would light up for this reindeer cake.

This one has Santa and holly decor on the top. Still, so cute.

75. Get in the festive mood with this pull apart wreath cake.

Contains flowers, gingerbread men, snowflakes, and Santa. Has a red bow and dog figure on top.

76. Penguin bananas make a nice frosty snack.

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These are dipped in chocolate. Also sport M&M beaks and feet.

77. Warm up to some polar bear hot chocolate.

The polar bears are made from marshmallows and whipped cream. And yes, they’ll melt your heart.

78. Grace your appetizer platter with a Christmas tree veggie tray.

Has a broccoli Christmas tree with a starfruit star and cherry tomato ornaments. Also includes cauliflower.

79. Feel free to pop a cocoa cup now and then.

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These are chocolate cookie cups with handles. Like the icing and sprinkles on top.

80. Care to try a Yule log snack?

They’re mostly ho-hos with holly decoration. A real easy treat to make.

NSFW Elf on the Shelf (a. k. a. the Post I Ruin a Stupid Christmas Tradition) (Sixth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 29, 2019

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During the holiday season, it’s become a tradition to introduce kids to the modern surveillance state with the ever nebby Elf on the Shelf. Each year, the Elf down from the North Pole to their designated family home where they watch and report to Santa on the children’s behavior during the days leading up to Christmas. After all, how can Santa know whether a child has been good or bad? However, elves being mere individuals aren’t always up to the most impeccable standards. Sure there are plenty of elves who may be on their best behavior. Yet, many do not and some of their deeds aren’t suited for the eyes of innocent children. So parental responsibility calls that parents report bad elf behavior at 1-800-BAD-ELF1. In the meantime, feel free to look at another assortment of shelf elves behaving badly. Enjoy. By the way, these aren’t safe for work.

Tinker is about to make an incision.

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Apparently, he’s about to give Barbie a boob job. Still, I don’t think this is even legal. Or safe.

2. I don’t like the look of this scene.

This seems straight out of Silence of the Lambs. Yes, that’s a skeleton hanging with outstretched arms.

3. I’m sure Izzy and Winky aren’t up to any trouble.

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They’re basically doodling on a boy when he’s sleeping. Hope this isn’t a school night.

4. Quinky’s had far too many.

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Here he’s fallen drunk in front of Shrek and Gingy. Still, Quinky better get off the vodka. Maybe join a 12 step.

5. Yinzer’s putting on a donkey show.

Actually it might have nothing to do with donkeys. And no, I don’t want to see it.

6. At the elf planetarium, you can see Uranus.

Okay, that’s a rather dirty joke. And no, I don’t want to see an elf’s butt.

7. “Time to die, Ken.”

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Yes, this is another takeoff from Dexter. And yes, it’s somehow a rather popular motif in these R-rated elf photos.

8. It’s never too late to go to the beach.

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Oh, no, Cringle’s with Barbie on the carpet with Don Julio. This won’t end well.

9. Elliot prefers guests go through the back door.

But he’s also showing his but as if he’s mooning. Look, I really don’t want to know whether he enjoys butt stuff.

10. Jumbo’s made a confession.

He’s confessing to be a dirty elf. Yet, I don’t know if “Jumbo” is his name or a moniker he chose for himself. If the latter, I know what it implies.

11. To Ningle, chimneys are always easier.

Here he’s fastened onto a door with band-aids. Don’t really want to know what happened here.

12. “Sir, I’d like to see your license and registration.

Not sure what Gleeker did. But whatever it was, it seems pretty bad. Oh, it’s cocaine possession.

13. What the hell is Quigley doing to Barbie?

Yes, he’s pushing her down the drain. Not sure if he’s either dumping her dead body or torturing her. Nor do I want to know.

14. “Now kiss, girls.”

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Yes, there are guys who are into lesbian porn. And I’m sure Winker is one of them. But he prefers to see it live.

15. Dinky likes to watch bad reality shows.

Don’t tell me they have a North Pole version of The Real Housewives. That stuff rots your brain.

16. Oh, crap, Bilker’s into the Colombian snow again.

By that I mean, cocaine. And he’s using hte parents’ Master Card.

17. “Goodbye, and f*ck you.”

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Wesley always had an attitude. But I didn’t think he had it in him to cook someone in the microwave.

18. Vinny’s got a new look.

A man bun may look good on a samurai. But it looks downright tacky on most other men.

19. “Just need a couple for my collection.”

He’s collecting heads. Yes, doll heads. Barbie and Ken, you will be missed.

20. Elfiwise wants to play.

Okay, he’s after children. And I’m sure this is an elf Stephen King would want to watch his grandkids.

21. What the hell is Yinker texting?

Uh, this seems really dirty. And no, I don’t want to see his jingles.

22. “Say your prayers, Elmo.”

Don’t tell me Hinkle’s going to throw darts at Elmo. What did Elmo do to him?

23. “Get your dick in a box.”

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He’s even wearing chains and glasses like you see in the SNL sketch. Still, thanks but no thanks.

24. Frinkle’s nabbed baby Jesus.

Stealing from the nativity scene. That will surely get you sent to Hell.

25. So that’s why we can’t touch him.

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Wonder what Vinker did to receive that court order. Is he a sex offender? What’s the North Pole’s background check policy?

26. “Time to cook, Jesse.”

Seems like the North Pole’s not paying the elves enough. So Benny had to take a side gig, which is selling blue meth a la Breaking Bad.

27. Okay, Randall, this is going too far.

What did he do to Barbie? Did he rape her? Does he know rape is a felony? For God’s sake this is just a whole level of disturbing.

28. “Are you ready for your colonoscopy?”

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That’s when they put a tube up your ass to see if you have cancer. You’re also knocked out during the whole thing.

29. Quilly’s all tied up at the moment.

Apparently, he seems to be into it for some reason. Don’t want to know what happens next.

30. E-Con kills elves dead.

Dinky didn’t know he had it coming. Those mints are brutal.

31. Looks like Silvy’s blown his brains out.

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Said he has information on Hillary Clinton to ensure her arrest. For God’s sake is this a take off on some Clinton conspiracy theory?

32. “Any last words, Santa?”

Vinty’s about to set Santa on fire. And he’s not afraid to use a lighter on the candle.

33. This train’s never stopping.

And he’s gotten a Kelly doll died to the tracks. Only a matter of time until she gets run over.

34. Here Quentin hangs out with trolls.

And they’re snorting cocaine. Not setting a good example isn’t he? Of course not.

35. Hinky’s making cookies.

Those aren’t Hershey’s Kisses are they? So he’s basically shitting them out.

36. Linky’s got a message for the Cardinis.

It says, “Suck mah balls” in toothpaste. Guy’s got a potty mouth.

37. Okay, who toilet papered the tree?

Seems like Larry has some explaining to do. Still, there’s always another roll around somewhere.

38. Well, he did promise to get rid of Justin Bieber.

But that didn’t include murdering him and putting his head in a fridge. What kind of sicko elf does that?

39. How sweet. Jax invited Rudolph for dinner.

Actually he’s planning to kill Rudolph and serve him for dinner. Watch out for that knife, Rudolph!

40. Ninky’s a bit under the table at the moment.

Mostly because he’s puking in the toilet. For God’s sake, that whiskey looks like strong stuff.

41. Nicky has something to say.

No wonder they were able to find Bin Laden. Guess he’s an elf at a house of a Seal Team 6 member.

42. The Lego figures aren’t pleased with Dinkle.

So they tie him up and put him on a car. Not sure what they’re going to do with him.

43. Dinny just wants to unwind.

So he’s got himself a bottle of booze and some pills. Guess he’s watching over Donald Trump’s grandchildren.

44. “This won’t hurt a bit.”

Sparkles has a guy tied to a bed and is wielding a mallet. Sure this won’t end well at all.

45. “Spank me, Barbie. Spank me.”

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Winko’s got some kind of kinks. As dominatrix Barbie is here to oblige.

46. Glinker’s always a generous customer.

Yet, he’s paying plush dolls to pole dance. For God’s sake, please don’t subject Jessie to this.

47. Jingle’s got an interest in politics.

He says he wants to build a big wall in the North Pole. And make the polar bears pay for it.

48. Slinky burned down Cheryl’s she-shed.

You can see his eyes lack any shame. But our arsonist was never caught.

49. Just let Snowball lie.

Yes, he’s passed out drinking. And yes, his late night party sprees have become a bit of a problem. That’s putting it mildly.

50. “Hanky, why did you have to cut the cheese?”

By the way, don’t light your farts. Or you’ll end up with a burned face like Andy.

51. Klinkle knows how to get rid of the Wicked Witch of the West.

Just throw water and she melts. Then show her broomstick to the wizard.

52. Sleigh Bell’s really gets around.

Guess this is a takeoff on Maury’s “Who’s My Baby’s Daddy?” segment. So is it Santa or Frosty? If Santa, Mrs. Claus won’t be happy at all.

53. At least Jingler’s honest.

So how did he become an elf on the shelf if he’s a pill popping sex addict and a drunk. An elf like that shouldn’t be near children.

54. Pringle has stumbled on the wrong track at the wrong time.

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As a result, a train ran over him while he was passed out. Such as sad and violent way to die.

55. Don’t want to see Buzz Lightyear walk in.

Apparently, Jessie likes to ride a few horses. But I’m sure Buzz won’t be happy about this situation, especially in Spanish mode.

56. Petey’s got quite the talent.

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Too bad he defaced a baby picture. Seriously, doesn’t he have anything better to do?

57. “It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.”

This is a take off from Silence of the Lambs. Here he lowers something for his hostage that he keeps in a hole in the ground.

58. Noel’s a big fan of Magic Mike.

Seems like she’s having a wet dream of Channing Tatum. Still, despite being a heterosexual woman, I didn’t like Magic Mike.

59. Perry’s offering free mustache rides.

You might want to pass on that. Even if he’s wearing a Santa suit. Guess watching children is a very boring job.

60. You don’t want to know what’s lurking in the storm drain.

You can see Blanky with his cold eyes looking at the red balloon. Now he’s out for murder.

61. Impy has a message.

He wants everyone to piss off. And he wrote it in pee on the ice.

62. McJingle would like to thank the Kelseys for taking him in.

Is that in blood? And is he holding a knife? Quick hide the kids. Don’t want him to murder them in their sleep.

63. Brinker messed with the wrong ice queen.

Mess with Queen Elsa and you’ll be frozen. That’s just how it goes. Brinker learned the hard way.

64. Flinker’s got the keys.

Let’s hope he doesn’t decide to go on a joy ride. Because that would be bad.

65. Clinkers just wants some time to himself.

So he’s looking at elf porn. Nonetheless, does he know those women aren’t really elves? Or doesn’t he care?

66. Susie needs to support herself somehow.

Apparently, working at the North Pole doesn’t pay well. So Susie must do what she can to get by. Even by pole dancing.

67. “What happens when I pull this trigger?”

Don’t try it, Bunky! Since you can’t assume a gun is loaded. No wonder I support gun control.

68. Pinkler always gets the money he needs.

Sure he resorts to armed robbery. But he’s rolling in coins and bullets after robbing a gun and ammo store.

69. “Give me the money or else Santa dies.”

What, kill Santa? Why would Evan even do such a thing? God, he should be in prison.

70. “Let’s cook.”

Okay. Ingle cooks meth a la Walter White. Mostly because being an elf doesn’t pay the bills.

71. Stanley wants Santa’s soul.

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If I was Santa, I’d strongly put him on the naughty list. Because he’s a sociopathic demon.

72. Hope Ken doesn’t walk in.

Here Minker is in bed and smoking cigarettes with Barbie. Wrong on so many levels.

73. How many Disney ladies can Ellis bed?

Here he’s in bed with Ariel, Mulan, and Tinkerbell. Don’t want to ruin my childhood just yet.

74. Frinkle will have the Iron Throne.

Bet he doesn’t want to know as long as he sits there, he’s in the hot seat. And he’ll eventually die, especially if he’s a disaster as ruler of the Seven Kingdoms.

75. Don’t want to know what Engle’s going to do with that beaver.

He seems to be riding it with a rather suggestive grin. Also note that beaver is a slang term for female genitalia.

76. Lingle’s just reading a magazine.

Apparently, that magazine is Playboy. And he’s certainly not reading it for the articles.

77. I think Drizzle’s a bit tied up.

Is this supposed to be autoerotic asphyxiation? You know what actually killed David Carradine?

78. Here Glinko has two witches with him.

And they’re Glinda and Elphaba. Wonder what can go wrong with that.

79. Queenie isn’t used to this toilet.

Apparently, she shits mints. Don’t want to fish it out. No thanks.

80. Wringle’s just lounging around.

Basically watching Barbie doing a naked pole dance. And he seems to enjoy it. That pervert.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Holy Shit Vintage Christmas Advertising of Yesterday (Sixth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 29, 2019

Since Halloween, you find the media practically saturated with Christmas advertising. After all, a tradition of gift giving presents a major capitalistic opportunity no corporation can refuse. So much so that Christmas commercials appear to air in September and you may see Christmas stuff in stores before October’s done. Of course, vintage Christmas advertising was also just as infectious in our public life. I mean how was Dr. Seuss able to create the Grinch? Anyway, out of the Christmas ads that’ll inspire nostalgia, there are some that haven’t aged well that they can sometimes be hilarious. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy Christmas vintage ads that will make you scratch your head. Enjoy.

Santa and the Quaker Oats man sit at the fire.

Santa’s like, “Are you sure you didn’t put anything in these cookies?” And the Quaker Oats guy is like, “Uh, these are from an old family recipe” with a rather mischievous smirk. Meanwhile little Jimmy watches the whole thing go down.

2. Your little girl would like this any of these baby dolls.

I suppose they’re much better looking when you see them in person. Because these dolls come across as incredibly creepy to say the least.

3. Support the war effort. Buy Victor Records.

Though having a record shaped Santa kind of disturbs me. But he doesn’t seem to care.

4. Can’t find a gift? Tom Smith’s Novelties has you covered.

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Not sure if I should delight in Santa’s smile. It’s like he has, “I see you when you’re sleeping” look that’s freaking me out.

5. Santa Claus soap will keep clothes clean.

That girl looks kind of weird like her head’s not in proportion to her body. Kind of reminds me of a statue I saw at St. Vincent.

6. Campbells adds minutes to busy Christmas shopping days.

After all, you need to settle down the little psychos somehow. The boy seems like he wants a carving knife and a BB gun to torture his neighbor’s cat.

7. Make gifts gay the easy way with Texcel Christmas gift tape.

Really? I thought it was wrapping gifts in flashy wrapping paper that screams something Elton John would use. You might also want to add flamboyant sunglasses.

8. Nothing beats Sealtest Egg Nog.

Santa, you have a very busy night. So you might want to drink to much. Don’t want to drink and sleigh ride, right?

9. Reynolds aluminum gift wrap gives Christmas color magic.

Woman marvels on how the presents are wrapped. The guy stands in his robe with a pipe all proud of himself. Though do we really react like that do wrapping paper? No.

10. Seems like GE fridges are really popular this year.

Santa is nearly up to his knees in letters. Despite that fridges can last for a very long time. Also, I wonder why Santa isn’t this stressed more often.

11. This Christmas take some Santa Claus sugar plums.

This Santa seems less like the jolly fat guy we know and love. And more like a grumpy trucker who’d rather do anything else than deliver presents to kids on Christmas Eve.

12. Need a break during the busy holiday season? Give the kids some soup for lunch.

Mom’s a bit stressed by all the Christmas shopping. Her daughter’s just daydreaming about breaking Billy’s legs over winning a penmanship award at school.

13. Best you skip the cookies this year and give Santa some jello instead.

Yet, Santa peeks under the table to find a sleeping child. Still, the jello would’ve melted by the time he came.

14. This Christmas, Lucky Strike has you covered.

Because nothing says Christmas like the gift of lung cancer. Also you’ll age terribly and die early, too.

15. Give her the gift of leisure during our Christmas sale.

Sorry, but I can’t buy her smile. Vacuums are noise machines. Also, is that a curtain or a fire.

16. Talkative Baby Beans is the hot toy of the season.

Sure, she may seem innocent. But when you’re asleep, she’ll grab a knife and try to kill you in your sleep. Don’t believe me?

17. Remington Portable is a gift inspiring gratitude.

I don’t know about you, but this Santa’s really weird looking. As if he’s a space alien in an ill-fitting human disguise suit.

18. The whole family wants this Dayton Koolfoam pillow.

Didn’t know foam pillows existed back then. Yet, I wonder if any in the family will eventually fight over that thing once Christmas is over.

19. Give him shaving pleasure with Gillette.

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Here Santa holds a giant razor that he’ll never use for his own beard. But he does put it on the sleigh that he uses as a snow plow sometimes.

20. Stay young at heart with Watkins Vitamins.

How can a whole family fit on a sled light that? Also, what’s the weight limit? Oh, and watch out for that tree straight ahead.

21. Kris Jingle’s Wonderland of Gifts has everything you need for the season.

And no, despite what the ad says, that plush toy is not “lovable.” In fact, it’s kind of terrifying.

22. Geoffrey the Giraffe’s having some trouble with the tree.

He doesn’t seem too happy in his Santa outfit. Unfortunately, Toys “R” Us will end up declaring bankruptcy thanks to private equity. It’s a sad story.

23. Vincent Price selects this ornament set for you.

I wouldn’t take Christmas advice from Vincent Price. Besides, Christmas isn’t really his holiday, going by the kind of movies he’s done.

24. Give her the best. Give her a Hoover.

Absolutely not. Seriously, no woman wants a vacuum for Christmas. And if I got one from my husband, I’m not sure what I’d do.

25. Create holiday candy fantasies with Karo Syrup.

Ugh. Those candies look pretty disgusting. Also, who the hell puts peppermint in popcorn?

26. Santa falls off his sleigh and lands in a convertible.

For Christ’s sake, that’s just really dangerous. Seriously, why would Santa do this? I mean he could be killed for God’s sake. Also, is that car moving?

27. Borden’s eggnog hits the spot.

You can tell because the cow is totally wasted. I mean look at her face.

28. Now that you found the perfect tree, put the perfect gift under it.

Uh, how big is this guy’s house? Seriously, he must have skyscraper high ceilings because that tree looks so freaking huge. Then again, he might use it for the outdoors.

29. This Christmas, give someone the gift of Gab.

Actually, these phones won’t do you any good in the 21st century unless your giftee liked antiques. Since they’re basically obsolete.

30. Need a boost in Christmas preparations. Try Borden’s instant coffee.

You mean they made coffee, too? Also, she seems to host a party with a lot of smaller people there.

31. Celebrate the season with Johnny Walker Red.

Here he’s trying out his Santa suit. The pants are too big for him. Still, not in front of the kids.

32. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer wants you to buy GE appliances.

Yet, they have Stan the Snowman near a toaster oven. You know what happens to snow when it’s near a heat source.

33. Santa goes for Whitman’s chocolates.

There’s something disturbing about Santa here. As if he’s hogging the candy for himself. Seriously, Santa, those are supposed to be for the kids.

34. Nintendo sends high-powered greetings.

And yes, their sleigh’s powered by rockets. Shove it, flying reindeer. This is the future.

35. You can take a White Horse anywhere. Even the North Pole.

But that doesn’t mean a white horse will fit in among the reindeer. Sorry, Shadowfax. I know how you’ve been struggling with employment since Gandalf left for the Gray Havens.

36. Thirst knows no season.

Still, I don’t think those pants will keep you warm in the snow when you’re out skiing. Sher may be even possibly drunk. Also, her scarf looks way too long.

37. Edison Christmas lights are perfectly safe.

Santa’s like, “I haven’t seen these lights before.” Still, considering that these lights produce no smell, smoke, or grease, what were people lighting their trees with before electric lights came in? Oh, gas or candles. That explains it.

38. Anyone want a fruitcake?

On second thought, kill this terrifying creature. Kill it with fire. Seriously, that thing just freaks me out and belongs in a horror movie as the character killing everyone.

39. Prince Albert always makes a great gift for smokers.

Seriously, Santa? It doesn’t. Prince Albert is tobacco. Tobacco causes cancer and kills people. For God’s sake, don’t give anyone tobacco products on Christmas.

40. Nothing makes a Christmas like getting a Harley Davidson motorcycle.

Apparently, this garden gnome seems to think so. Also, motorcycles don’t make great gifts. They’re expensive, guzzle gas, and give riders some crazy fantasies that automatically scream either safety hazard or midlife crisis.

41. This Christmas, give your loved ones a Kodak Pocket.

It’s one thing for Santa to see you when you’re sleeping. It’s a who other ball came for Santa to take pictures of you. God, he looks incredibly creepy. Please don’t let him in.

42. Peace is a gift to the nation.

Seems like Santa, Uncle Sam, and the WWI soldier are sitting on top of each other. Considering Santa’s weight, I don’t think that’s great for Uncle Sam or the other guy.

43. This season, send your child a personalized letter from Santa.

I know this is a web ad. But the Santa here just seems kind of freaky. Also, many kids will recognize their parents’ handwriting.

44. Santa is swamped with toaster orders this year.

You can see the tired look on his face. Still, toasters can also last a pretty long time. So everyone wanting one in one year doesn’t seem to make sense.

45. Open the wrapper and cookies fly out.

Vintage Christmas Advertisements from the 1940s (1)

These chef guys appear to be fighting over what was in that package. Yet, why they wear chef’s hats and tuxedos, I don’t have the slightest idea.

46. Try some long-lasting Rowntrees fruit gums.

Vintage Christmas Advertisements from the 1940s (2)

Okay, that kid with the crown’s giving me nightmares. Seriously, his eyes suggest that he died inside a long time ago, especially since he’s just a disembodied head.

47. With car seating like this, your little one will fall fast asleep.

Vintage Christmas Advertisements from the 1940s (23)

The adults are like, “She’s asleep. Let’s put her in the garage, tie her up, and ask for a ransom from her wealthy parents. We’ll be so rich.”

48. Chesterfields are always a fine gift for the season.

No, Santa, they are not. Smoking is very bad for you. It causes cancer and kills people. For God’s sake, tobacco use is a public health crisis.

49. Nothing makes a man excited like a bottle of Guinness in his stocking.

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Apparently, this seems like an adult’s fantasy Christmas. Kids get excited by toys. Adults want cash, booze, clothes, and useful things they don’t have to pay for.

50. Need a gift idea? Try giving Lucky Strikes.

Because no gift keeps giving like lung cancer, COPD, and heart disease. Seriously, you’re giving them an early death. Don’t do it.

51. Make your Christmas the brightest with GE.

Here Santa surfs on a large Christmas light. But when it’s out, all the lights are out.

52. When your boyfriend gives you a gift you’re not sure you like.

She got cosmetics but they weren’t her brand. But she makes out with her boyfriend to show her appreciation anyway.

53. Gillette brings speedy Christmas shaving.

Uh, Santa doesn’t shave his beard, doesn’t he? Also, I’m not sure if I’m creeped out by his smile.

54. Couples should always decorate for Christmas together.

Yet, why do they have to hang a wreath while in stylish evening wear. And right before visitors arrive, too. Why?

55. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” is brought to you by Dolley Madison and Coca Cola.

Uh, doesn’t “A Charlie Brown Christmas” criticize yuletide commercialization? Good grief.

56. Santa Claus gives out the candy.

Apparently, Santa doesn’t seem too happy about this. Since he wants all the candy to himself.

57. Guys will love these interwoven socks.

Despite that plain white socks will do just fine. In fact, he’ll probably prefer them anyway. Compared to these fancy colors and patterns.

58. “Now that’s my new favorite camel.”

Apparently, this camel talks when the guy’s near the liquor store. Also this is for whiskey.

59. This Christmas treat your man right to 4 Roses.

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Unless he’s going through a 12 step. Nonetheless, this suggests that if you want to make your man happy, give him booze. Kind of sexist if you think about it.

60. This Christmas get Howard Zink car seat covers.

Available in red. Still, this cover is really ugly come to think of it. Seems more like a couch mated with a suitcase.

61. This Christmas, give her the gift she’ll never forget.

A Cadillac, everyone. Recommended as a gift by sugar daddies to their gorgeously kept women.

62. Calvert Reserve makes a great adult stocking stuffer.

Actually it’s whiskey so may not be good for an AA member. Also, never get a puppy for Christmas. It’s at least a 10 year commitment.

63. It’s always fun to ride the New York Central on Christmas.

Actually, Christmas travel isn’t really that fun. Also, Santa, you don’t touch kids that way. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?

64. Women love a Santa who gives them lingerie.

Christmas Ads From LIFE Magazine in the 1950s (19)

Are they kissing a man or each other? If a man, is it the same man? If the same man, please keep as far apart from each other as possible.

65. Nothing beats better holiday underwear than Fruit of the Loom.

This one depicts 3 men and a boy in their underwear. Which would never happen under normal circumstances anywhere. Please let them be family.

66. Keep her young and pretty with an electric massage vibrator this Christmas.

This is a beauty product that’s incredibly expensive. But modern women don’t use vibrators as beauty enhancements these days.

67. Santa pops out from the boxes.

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For one, how is that possible? Second, why does that woman seem more intrigued than frantically running to the door?

68. Don’t miss the fun of smoking this Christmas.

For the fun is only fleeting until one of you gets cancer and dies. Seriously, better to miss the fun smoking. Even with Pall Mall or any brand.

69. Attention men, give your wife a dishwasher for Christmas this year.

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Well, that’s definitely a good idea. But does the pitch have to be this sexist?

70. Who needs mistletoe when you have Johnny Walker Red?

Okay, this one has a lot of very unfortunate implications. Then again, it might depend who’s receiving it, which is probably a man. But I don’t like where this is going.

Scary and Eerily Adorable DIY Halloween Costume Inspirations (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 29, 2019

Here I’m dressed in a sexy witch costume from stuff I found at Goodwill. I was supposed to wear it for a party. However, due to that fucking piece of shit Donald Trump’s visit to a natural gas conference, it was postponed to next week. But since I have to work, I couldn’t go. So now I’m just wearing it for the blog.

I know it’s quite late for costumes since some places already have had their trick-or-treating days. But since it’s usually among the last of my Halloween posts, I go ahead with it, anyway. Nonetheless, while costume stores like Spirit Halloween are filled with any costume your heart desires, some people prefer to make their own. And there are plenty Internet guides to do that. Hell, Goodwill even encourages it. After all, I did this costume above. Though I could only use it for this blog post. Party City also does as well. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Halloween DIY costumes to inspire you. Enjoy.

1. The King of the North stands alongside the Mother of Dragons.

Unfortunately, this relationship didn’t end well at all. Because Jon had to kill Daenerys for inflicting mass slaughter upon King’s Landing.

2. “A girl is no one.”

Actually, “a girl is Arya Stark.” She’s supposed to be her when she’s being punished with blindness by the Faceless Men.

3. Feel free to spread your wings like a beautiful butterfly.

You’d think she was touring with Cirque du Soleil. But that is her flamboyant butterfly costume. Or is that a guy?

4. “We all scream for ice cream.”

Like how they make the little boy into the ice cream man. While the wagon’s a truck. The rest are supposed to be ice cream and other delights.

5. Miss Universe greets her many legions of fans.

And yes, that’s how Miss Universe is supposed to be dressed. Kind of sad enough that all the winners come from Earth.

6. Going on a trip to India? You might want to consult the itinerary.

He’s Owen Wilson from The Darjeeling Limited. He’s bandaged like that because he’s been through a very bad accident.

7. Now let’s bring on the burgers.

He’s dressed as a charcoal grill. Still, don’t try to barbecue anything on him.

8. Want to play a game of Twister?

If you land on red, you have to step on his junk. And you have 75% of doing so.

9. All hail Galacta, queen of the Universe.

Hey, at least she’s not the Borg queen. Still, you got to love her amazing crown.

10. She is a true Picasso.

As you can see from her face popping out of the frame. Yeah, didn’t know the women in Picasso’s paintings could exist in real life.

11. Don’t want to touch this boy.

Since he’s a cactus. But even if you get hurt by touching him, at least you won’t get any serious infection.

12. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Rocket Man himself, Sir Elton John.

Okay, I’m not sure who this guy’s supposed to be. But he’s dressed like you’d imagine Elton John to be on Mardi Gras. So I’m going with it.

13. Hail Maleficent, mistress of all Evil.

Actually, she’s supposed to be her when she had wings. But King Stephen had to clip them off and run. What a jerk.

14. Want to ask a question? She may know the answer.

Since she’s dressed like a Magic 8 ball. Wonder how she sits with that thing on.

15. When she shows up, feel free to walk across the street.

For she’s supposed to be a crossing sign. Of course, she’s in a silhouette.

16. Now here’s a Toothless dragon.

He’s dressed as Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon. And yes, he’s incredibly adorable.

17. Be careful when you’re in the mushroom garden.

Yes, all the young women are dressed as mushrooms. While the guy in the middle is dressed as someone who’s clearly on them.

18. You might want to give these 3 women the right of way.

Since they’re 3 blind mice. They even have their own sunglasses and red tipped cane to show they can’t see a thing.

19. You might love this delightful aardvark.

She’s dressed as Arthur from the cartoon. Even wears the yellow sweater and white shirt collar.

20. There’s something a bit disturbing about this cat lady.

Mostly because it’s a guy dressed as one. Yet, you have to like the cats on his pink robe.

21. Instead of being a princess, be a princess of the stars.

And you don’t need to wear white and have your hair look like a couple of cinnabuns. A starry dress will do just fine for your space princess.

22. “Hold the door! Hold the door!”

Such a tearkjerking scene. Nonetheless, the baby’s Hodor. The mother holds the door and acts as Hodor’s legs.

23. Here’s your Captain Limpet and his mermaid queen on your Carnival cruise line.

She’s got blue hair to match her fish tail. Not to mention, carries a trident. He’s got a nice smart coat and captain’s hat.

24. Little Vincent Van Gogh paints his masterpiece.

One boy’s dressed as Starry Night. The other’s dressed as Van Gogh with a bandage on his ear.

25. Please allow Granny to bring her pets.

Sorry, but if you let her bring Sylvester and Tweedy, you might need to clean house after she’s gone. Because Sylvester and Tweedy will incur property damage. I guarantee it.

26. Lucy and Ethel are up to something.

They even wear their own dresses and aprons. Hear they’ll do The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel next year.

27. Nacho Libre always fights for the kids.

Since he’s a monk at an orphanage by day. And yes, he’s a religious man who puts God and man first in his life.

28. “When you play the Game of Thrones, you win or you die.”

Includes Varys, Cersei, Margaery, Bran, Arya, Joffrey, Melisandre, Jon, Catelyn, Ygritte, and the Hound , I think. Must be from an earlier season.

29. Feel free to join Snoopy and the gang.

Parents are Charlie Brown and Lucy. Kids are Snoopy, Sally, and Linus. Woodstock is a plush bird.

30. Adult entertainment straight ahead.

She’s just wearing a sign saying, “Girls, Girls, Girls.” However, she’s not wearing it for a strip club. Or she’d be almost completely nude.

31. Pumpkin Jack just wants to stop by.

This is more of a play on words. Since the jack is a crane you use in oil rigs.

32. Spend a jolly holiday with Mary.

Parents are Mary Poppins and Bert. While the baby and dog are penguin waiters. Dog isn’t happy.

33. I believe we have a terroristic alien on the premises.

She’s dressed in a sleek silver outfit. But who knows what that bomb’s made of.

34. Baby goes paragliding across the landscape.

Don’t worry, the baby’s dad is carrying him in the bjorn. But they’ll have to wear the proper headgear.

35. She’s a tornado filled with sharks.

She’s supposed to be a sharknado. Though it’s a really stupid movie franchise, it’s a brilliant Halloween costume idea.

36. Nothing can stop Arya and the Hound.

So hide all your chicken when they come into town. Even you, KFC. Also, Arya’s a trained assassin. While the Hound used to be in the Kingsguard and wants to kill his brother.

37. She’s a bit of a Fruit Loop.

For she’s dressed as a bowl of Fruit Loops. Part of this complete breakfast.

38. Little girls shouldn’t be alone in the woods.

Yes, she’s Little Red Riding Hood. Even has the red cape and basket. So cute.

39. “You must be chosen by the Claw.”

Indeed, he’s the claw machine. Wonder how he moves his arms.

40. “We have to find Will.”

She’s Joyce from Stranger Things. Even has the living room wall and Christmas lights. Not sure if she’s having any luck reaching Will from the Upside Down.

41. “We rob banks.”

These two wear striped shirts and carry money bags. But you can bet they made out like bandits.

42. Marty McFly can fly on his hoverboard.

Okay, he can’t since physics don’t work that way. Still, the real hoverboards are a massive disappointment.

43. This family’s a circus.

Dad’s a strong man. Mom’s a lion tamer. Baby’s a lion. Daughters are trapeze artist and clown.

44. You’d think she’s rather interstellar.

For she’s dressed up as the solar system. However, she’s mostly stars in the center. When she really should be the sun so the planets can revolve around her.

45. Cleopatra is the queen of the Nile.

Just don’t mention how she had her siblings killed. Also, the fact she married 2 of her brothers and had sex with both Julius Caesar and Marc Antony.

46. Uh, Night’s Watch, you missed a wight.

They’re ice zombies. But the White Walkers and the Night King are way scarier.

47. What the Colonel’s got in his bucket is finger lickin’ good.

I’m sure he uses the chicken bucket as a trick-or-treat bag to hold candy. Still, why can’t KFC use him for their commercials.

48. You’d think this family came from a deck of cards.

Mom and dad are the King and Queen of Hearts. Older boys are black and white guards. Baby is joker.

49. This boy’s got a lot of thread wrapped around him.

After all, he’s a spool. But don’t ask him for any thread to repair your clothes.

50. She’s just crackers about animals.

For she’s an animal cracker. And yes, she’s got icing and sprinkles.

51. Didn’t know Prehistoric man can pump their own gas.

Okay, he’s one of the cavemen from Geico. He also saves 15% or more on his car insurance.

52. You can see a slide through these goggles.

They’re supposed to be a view master and a reel. They were popular during the 1950s, before the conception of personal computers or videos.

53. She’s all stuffed with straw.

Okay, she’s just wearing makeup and old clothes. But don’t expect her to scare the crows.

54. He’s a sophisticated little peanut.

He’s actually Mr. Peanut. He even comes with a top hat, cane, and monocle.

55. A Khal must have his Khaalesi.

Sure, Khal Drogo and Daenerys were happily married together. Unfortunately, he had to die from an infected injury from a fight.

56. Let her paint her masterpiece.

She’s a bunch of paints. Also carries a brush with her. So cute.

57. Let him protect your garden for you.

The boy’s a garden gnome. His shoes have fuzz balls on them. Though he looks kind of freaky.

58. Got to bust this Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

All right, maybe not. Because this Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is a little stinker. While his dad is a Ghostbuster.

59. Does this family seem a bit spacey to you?

Well, they’re dressed up as astronauts with a metal camper to boot. The girl even has a wagon to act as a spaceship while the baby’s an alien.

60. “We’re Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band….”

The boys are John Lennon and George Harrison. The girls are Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney. And not one of them wears a mustache.

61. You don’t want to cross these mummies.

They’re dressed like Egyptian royalty. But they’re quite scary, especially under wraps.

62. For her, green means go, go, go.

This little girl’s dressed as a traffic light. And yes, it lights up. So cute.

63. This alien tourist wants to see the sights.

Though why he wants me to take me to my leader, I have no idea. Seriously, he should be careful what he wishes for.

64. You dare not cross these Viking men.

These are boys in Viking costumes. The helmets, beards, and shields are made from cardboard.

65. This unicorn always likes to show her rainbow tail.

The mane and tail are both made out of tulle. And yes, she’s also wearing a horn and a pink tutu.

66. This boy will bulldoze to a house near you.

For he’s dressed as a bulldozer. And if you don’t give him candy, he’ll plow his way through to your house.

67. Care for a beach cocktail.

Woman’s the tropical drink. Guy’s a hunky beach waiter. Wanna sip?

68. “I’m a Rocketman.”

For the kid can reach to the stars in his rocket ship costume. So cute.

69. They’re just a couple of vacationers.

Funny how they both wear Hawaiian shirts, fanny packs, socks, sandals, and straw hats. They even carry red Dixie cups.

70. You’d think she spends all day under the sea.

She makes Esme Squalor’s sexy Ursula outfit seem tame in comparison. She even has fish hanging from wires.

71. The angler fish is a creature from the deep.

If you think they’re scary in the dark, just wait until you hear about their sex lives. And yes, it’s that messed up.

72. You’d think she’s quite the potted plant.

Well, she’s a pot of flowers. Though these are all white.

73. This little spaceman’s going places.

He’s wearing a little NASA jumpsuit. And yes, he’s adorable. Another little rocket man.

74.”And the Oscar goes to…”

One of them even has 2 heads. Wonder how they walk in these.

75. Queen Nefertiti was a great beauty of Ancient Egypt.

She was the wife of Akhenaten. Yet, she eventually disappears from the records and we have no idea what happened to her.

76. You can call this a real corn dog.

Since it’s a dog that’s dressed as an ear of corn. And no, you can’t eat it.

77. “One ring to rule them all.”

This group’s dressed as the cast from Lord of the Rings. Some of the women even dress up as hobbits. Like Treebeard’s.

78. Anyone want a gumball?

This little baby’s dressed up as a gumball machine. But please don’t give her quarters since she might choke on them.

79. Miss Frizzle reaches for the stars.

But that doesn’t mean you’d want her teaching your kids. Since she’ll send her students to space on at least a few occasions.

80. Fire and smores always go together.

Because you can’t have smores without a camp fire. Also, smores are tasty.

81. Jay-Z and Beyoncé always treat Blue Ivy like a queen.

They also have twins. Yet, this family totally nails the Carters. Not to be confused with Johnny Cash’s in-laws.

82. These girls are ready to exercise.

These girls are 1980s aerobics instructors. And yes, they’re wearing leotards and carrying boomboxes.

83. Wonder what she’s got in the oven.

She’s dressed up as the Pillsbury Doughboy. And yes, she’s got her own rolling pin.

84. Perhaps this Sandlot family will endear you.

The dad’s Benjamin Rodriguez. The mom’s Wendy Peppercorn. While the boys dress up as 2 of the other kids. There’s even a large dog.

85. This family will certainly have a sweet time.

They’re characters from the traumatic childhood board game Candyland. Dad’s the king. Mom’s Queen Frosty. One daughter’s Princess Lollipop. The other is from the Candy Cane Forest. I forget who the boy’s supposed to be.

86. She’s certainly got a green thumb.

Since she’s dressed up as a flower pot. And yes, flowers grow from her shirt.

87. Rock out with some sushi.

This one features a whole platter. Also she’s wearing a rice ball on her head.

88. “President coming through.”

These babies are dressed as the President of the United States. While the dads are assigned Secret Service detail. Either tot is better than the steaming pile of orange shit in the White House now.

89. “I’m on my way to Folsom playpen…”

He’s dressed up as Johnny Cash. Notice how he’s got a toy guitar. So cute.

90. Always have your raygun and oxygen supply in handy.

She’s dressed as an astronaut on a strange planet that could have intelligent life. So she’ll have to protect herself from hostile aliens.

91. We got a strange lady asking if we saw the Stark girls.

She’s dressed as Brienne of Tarth. She’s got golden armor for she’s one of the truest knights on Game of Thrones. If you want a knight in shining armor to rescue her, she’s your go-to girl.

92. Do you want lemonade or ice cream?

Ice cream always gets my vote. But these stands are adorable.

93. “Be a shining star.”

But please don’t dance like Elaine does to that Earth, Wind, and Fire song. Love her star hat.

94. You can use a Hershey’s Kiss.

She’s decked out in foil and puckers her lips. And yes, she has a paper stream on her hat.

95. You don’t want to beat a stick on this little piñata.

The costume is mostly made out of felt. Nonetheless, it’s adorable.

96. Is she a zombie or is just her lead-based makeup?

Actually I think she’s an 18th century zombie. From what I can tell, she’s an aristocrat on her way to the ball before she was tragically murdered.

97. These are just 2 of Heinz’s 57 Varieties.

This is actually a vintage photo. One kid is ketchup. The other is mustard.

98. Is it somebody’s birthday?

The candle flame is made from tulle. And she’s all covered in sprinkles.

99. These kids are in love and will run away together.

One’s a teenage girl with 3 brothers whose mom’s having an affair with the local sheriff. The other is an orphaned boy on a summer camping trip with his Boy Scout troop.

100. “Keep your hands off my lobby boy!”

That’s Zero from The Grand Budapest Hotel. Helps his boss steal a painting and wins over a girl at a bake shop. However, his boss is killed by Nazis and his wife suddenly dies in childbirth.

The Haunted World of Halloween Village Houses (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 26, 2019

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Next, it’s on to Halloween village houses. Borrowed from the Christmas village house tradition, these have a rather haunted twist. After all, companies need to make money all year round. While many people go all out on Halloween. So it makes good business sense. Nonetheless, many prefer to make their own haunted houses in black and orange. Some might contain skeletons and candy corn covered trees. Some might have jack-o’-lanterns, trick-or-treaters, and other ghoulish monsters. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Halloween village houses. Enjoy if you dare.

You might pass by this house covered in vines.

Though it doesn’t seem decrepit at all. Since it’s in bright pink and orange.

2. A haunted house always needs bare-limbed trees nearby.

These trees are made out of wire and burlap. The house seems like it’s made out of stone.

3. Bats always want a little bright orange now and then.

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There are even orange window frames. But you can’t come in because the house is boarded up.

4. You’ll never know what’s lurking inside this house.

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This place is quite colorful for a haunted house. But you can see some ghosts inside.

5. What’s not haunted goes full steampunk.

A mad scientists might live here. Given the house’s large telescope and wheels.

6. A black house makes for a bat utopia.

The windows are lined in yellow. Yet, some are still boarded up. But bats will love it all the same.

7. A house can be scary even during the day time.

This one has a lighter color shade. Yet, the shutters look like they’re about to fall off.

8. Haunted houses can always be quite fancy.

Well, many of them are in the Victorian style. But these have walls of rather intricate patterns.

9. Sometimes a plain black house is all you need.

Just has yellow paper inside to represent eerie light. Includes a pipe cleaner tree.

10. You can’t have a scary house without glitter.

Just incudes a sign that says “Boo Avenue.” Also, there’s a bare-limbed black tree.

11. Abandon all hope if you enter here.

This house seems like it’s made out of clay. Includes some pumpkins on the front doorstep.

12. A Halloween village must have a main street.

Help if it lights up at night. Don’t forget the autumn leaves.

13. Perhaps a shiny gray haunted house will do.

This is mostly made out of cardboard and paper. And yes, the windows are sketched in.

14. You might prefer a simple purple frame house.

It’s a known hangout for ghosts and mummies. Love those windows.

15. All aboard on the Spooktown express.

Includes a station with a castle clock tower. The train’s even carrying jack-o’-lanterns.

16. Blue roofs really create an impression.

The walls even have rather interesting pattern. Has 2 pumpkins at the door along with a wrought iron fence.

17. Celebrate Halloween in a more modern pink house.

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You can even look inside the windows. Apparently, the guys wear antlers.

18. This house even comes with a pool.

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And the Creature from the Black Lagoon is about to take a dive. While lions lurk inside.

19. Fancy roofing can do a house good.

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Got to love the tiles on this one. Quite fancy. House even has some graves in the front.

20. Perhaps you might want a house with a tower.

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One is black with blue roofing, 2 chimneys, and an owl. The other is white with a black roof and a clock. Also has a coffin door. May even be a school house.

21. A yellow ranch home really stands out.

This one just has 2 windows. While a jack-o’-lantern sits near the tracks.

22. These houses have rather strange roofs.

Since the tops kind of rise up like they’re in a Dr. Seuss story. Come in 3 different colors.

23. Sometimes opposing houses seem to attract.

One is green and black as well as covered in cobwebs. The other is white with purple chimneys and a skull cameo.

24. Anyone can go batty over a small house.

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This one is black with orange roof, chimney, and trimming. Not sure if it lights up though.

25. A house will always shine with a sequin roof.

This house is orange and all glittered up. Includes a purple tree and black cat.

26. A pink house might suit you right.

Has a purple roof. Also includes black cat and pink tree. Even lights up.

27. You’ll find plenty of pumpkins on this trailer.

Has jack-o’-lanterns outside. While bats inhabit the black bare-limbed tree.

28. A simple white house will always do.

Sure it might not look incredibly scary. But the cat’s freaked out for some reason.

29. Wonder what light’s coming from this house.

Since it’s boarded up and has signs for us to stay away. Does a ghost live there?

30. You might not want to come across this green house.

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This one’s in an odd configuration. Includes a skeleton and other decorations.

31. A large black cat lurks around this pink house.

This was made from a vintage card. And yes, the pumpkin is also quite huge as you can see.

32. This house seems like it’s been abandoned for years.

Wonder if ghosts hang out there. Since I haven’t seen any so far.

33. You’d be batty to pass by this house on a good day.

Yet, smoke seems to come from the chimneys despite its abandoned facade. Has a jack-o’-lantern at the front door.

34. Don’t miss this cool skeleton hangout.

This is an orange house with a black roof. The tree nearby even has skull decorations.

35. Witches enjoy being near a glittery orange house.

Has a black roof with 2 chimneys and orange spider. Yet, the witch looks quite large in proportion.

36. You’d almost think this is a pumpkin house.

Well, it certainly resembles a jack-o’-lantern monster. Yet, it has a roof akin to Hagrid’s hut.

37. This black house has really loose shutters.

Contains a jack-o’-lantern and potion outside. Still, please don’t drink the potion.

38. Perhaps a plain white house will do.

Make sure it looks abandoned and decrepit enough. Includes 2 pumpkins near a white fence.

39. Poe is buried near this shack.

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The window’s boarded. The tree’s covered in cobwebs. Actually everything’s covered in cobwebs.

40. A house like this can bring in the fall spirit.

This one has more fall decor than Halloween stuff. Yet, there’s still a garland of jack-o’-lanterns.

41. Lots of crazy things happen in this purple house.

The jack-o’-lantern on her has a pipe cleaner body. While the top window has cobwebs.

42. For Dia de Los Muertos, you might want to see this house.

This is quite colorful. The jack-o’-lanterns even resemble sugar skulls. While the cat’s decorated as a skeleton.

43. An orange house can be especially scary.

Has a banner reading “Creepy.” Also has candy corn and spiders on the bottom windows.

44. A red house sits near a fall tree.

This tree still has its leaves though. Also includes pumpkins and tombstones.

45. A blue house can be just as spooky.

Has a cat near the roof. While pumpkins sit near the door.

46. There’s something batty about this green house.

This one has a bat on the roof. Spiders cover the trees. While a jack-o’-lantern sits in the front.

47. This black house is rather ghostly.

This one has batty trim on the roof. The ghost is made from a charm you’d use for a charm bracelet.

48. Perhaps your black house can use a bit of decorating.

Has candy corn and cats at the bottom. Also has 2 jack-o’-lanterns on the roof.

49. Halloween jack-o’-lantern ghosts love hanging around a black haunted house.

The trees look rather stringy. Then again, it’s supposed to produce a spooky atmosphere that’s appropriate for Halloween.

50. A simple white Victorian house doesn’t need much decoration.

Since it could look haunted by having lights coming through the windows. Also if you surround it with a wrought iron fence.

51. You’d almost think this was a haunted castle.

But castles are much more elaborate. This is just a house with 2 towers.

52. Cat ladies seem to inhabit this modern house.

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Or are those devil ladies? Kind of hard to tell from this distance.

53. Don’t want to get near this dark and scary house.

And if its price is low for its neighborhood, there’s probably ghost. Seriously, you don’t get a bargain like this over nothing.

54. Perhaps you might be interested in a house with stripes.

This one has white and black stripes. Or black and orange stripes. It’s hard to tell by the light. Also, does Beetlejuice live here?

55. You may prefer a fancier haunted house.

This one is in rather bright colors. Resembles what you might see in a Dr. Seuss story.

56. A plain gray house can look just as spooky.

This one just have gray brick and a rusty roof. Contains coffin door and a wrought iron fence.

57. The more chimneys the better.

This one has 3. One of them has a window. Contains a jack-o’-lantern and a bare limbed black tree.

58. A lone ghost lives in this little orange house.

The ghost doesn’t look that scary. The front even has 2 candy corn trees.

59. The roof’s a bit rusty on this house.

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It’s blue with white windows. Yet, this one seems more suited for the beach.

60. You know a witch lives at this beige house.

Has a cat in the top window. Still, the house is rather unremarkable looking without Halloween features.

61. A shiny house always needs a tower.

Has a bunch of trees on the ground. Even includes blue pumpkins.

62. Fancy windows always do a house wonders.

2 witches seem to reside there. Has a jack-o’-lantern in front.

63. This house seemed to appear straight out of a book.

It’s a gray house with a glitter roof. And yes, it’s straight out of a book.

64. You’d think this house is infested.

In the windows, you see a skeleton, spider, and black cat. Love the purple roof.

65. A striped roof goes well on a black house.

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Has orange windows and 2 chimneys. Also a jack-o’-lantern and black trees.

66. Feel free to decorate this black sparkly house.

The roof is white. Contains bows and an upside down cross on a tower.

67. A gray house goes well with a white roof.

The shutters are crooked while bats fly on the top. The trees have orange glitter.

68. How about a glittery orange house with bats?

Has orange and black trim. Lawn has a jack-o’-lantern, trees, and black roses.

69. You might find plenty written on this house.

Not sure what the inscriptions say. Still, got to love the tower roofs and black trees.

70. A glitter house will always make an impression.

This one has a moon and some bats. But best to keep away if you value your life.

71. This seems like a nice restaurant.

Though I don’t think much of the menu. Like the skeletons dining on the table.

72. Can I interest you in The Thirsty Witch?

It’s a supply depot. Wonder if they supply potions, cauldrons, or brooms?

73. You don’t want to come across this shack at night.

The windows are boarded. Has grave stones nearby. Also, what’s coming from the chimney?

74. Now this house seems rather decrepit.

No wonder this ghost loves it. Also includes a spider and a smoking chimney.

75. You might just adore this candy corn house.

It’s in a triangle and it’s yellow, white, and orange. Not sure if it tastes like sugar wax.

76. You might be charmed by this black and white house.

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Then again, it might just be the photography. Includes a clock and a wrought iron fence.

77. You’ll find something ghostly at this green house.

The ghosts are on the roof and the door. The ground just consists of pumpkins and cats.

78. This orange house seems to be a favorite Halloween haunt.

Even has 2 Jack Skellingtons. 2 bats fly at the door.

79. This black house looks quite spooky.

Again, there are 2 Jack Skellingtons. Also includes a jack-o’-lantern and a few trees in the lawn.

80. You’d want to check out this lawn.

The plants on here seem straight out of Dr. Seuss. A black tree has a orange and black striped witch hat.

81. You’d be stumped seeing a large spider web on this house.

This one is made out of paper and it shows. And yes, you must beware.

82. Feel free to hear your fortune at this house.

This is an interesting house. Has a moon on the roof and an eye above the door. Kind of reminds me of Count Olaf’s house. If he actually fixed up the place.

83. My, those are really large bats.

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Yet, the house appears quite small. Though the trees resemble mere twigs.

84. You’ll be smart to avoid this creepy corner.

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Even has a jack-o’-lantern with eyes. The houses look rather decrepit, too.

85. The Frankensteins take a night in.

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Frankenstein’s monster. His bride does her make up in the bedroom.

86. This Halloween cottage brings out the autumn charm.

Has some witch legs sticking out of a cauldron. The door and lawn are also decorated with jack-o’-lanterns.

87. There’s something checkered about this haunted house.

Well, the roof has black and white checks. The top consists of a full moon and bats.

88. Beware of the plain white Victorian.

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Has pumpkins and leaves in the front. Yet, kind of has a desolate atmosphere.

89. This black house looks quite eerie.

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Kind of reminds me of a haunted house in a Dr. Seuss story. There’s a jack-o’-lantern and trees in the front.

90. This bright orange house has some black soot on the walls.

A witch flies over the roof. The trees have orange ornaments and stars. A cat also walks near the front porch roof.

91. Perhaps you care for a small, white cottage.

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Has 2 pumpkins near the door. Surrounded by a white picket fence.

92. A purple house will do quite nicely.

One of the windows has boards on it. The black trees even have ornaments on them.

93. What’s in that tower window?

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Well, there’s a figure. Still, wonder if this house also lights up.

94. You can see a witch fly past this house.

As you can look at the window. Has a balcony and an orange roof.

95. Perhaps a wooden house will do.

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It’s made from paper with a bare-limb tree and tombstones. Bats fly from the chimney.

96. This seems to be a happening place on Halloween.

Consists of ghosts, skeletons, and bats. Even the Frankensteins come inside.

97. A spider crawls on the roof of this black house.

The tower has a window. The trees are black. Wonder if it lights up.

98. Sometimes you have to turn up the glam.

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This one is decked with beads. Love the roses and trees.

99. A simple black house can do with some red.

Kind of reminds me of something that Dracula would move into when he’s fallen on hard times. Like the little crown decoration.

100. A fancy house will always entice you.

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This one is in bright colors and patterns. Though if it was in Whoville, it wouldn’t be haunted.

The Dark Scary World of Vintage Halloween Costumes (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 15, 2019

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For some mysterious reason, old vintage Halloween pictures seem to be a lot creepier for some reason. Maybe it’s the black and white photography. Maybe it’s how the costumes were made. Maybe it’s their conception of scary. I don’t know. Still, when you look at them, they’re bound to freak you out and give you nightmares for weeks to come. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of nightmarish vintage Halloween costumes. Sweet dreams.

She’s all dressed in ready for the spiderweb ball.

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So is this how they dressed for Halloween during the 18th century? Or did people during the 18th century not celebrate it?

2. Now, everyone, smile for the camera.

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Man, I don’t think the guy dressed as a Native American would fly today. Also, some of the masks are quite terrifying.

3. I’m sure this witch is kind to her animals.

Yet, I’m not exactly sure by the grin on her face. Also, that cat looks like it’s stuffed.

4. The kitchen staff can be such animals.

Okay, I don’t want to go in there. For all I know they could be cooking some of Hannibal Lecter’s best known recipes.

5. We all have our bad hair days.

Yet, she could use a full-on makeover. Then again, witches don’t care much about their looks, anyway.

6. Even a ghostly skeleton seeks to pick up chicks.

I’m sure this version of Ghost doesn’t contain the iconic pottery wheel scene. In fact, I don’t think they’ll be making love to “Unchained Melody” anytime soon either.

7. You’d think this lady was batty.

Yes, she’s in a sexy bat costume. But her dress doesn’t make much sense to me, save for fanservice.

8. Perhaps buying your costume isn’t as great as it seems.

Yeah, the masks look kind creep thanks to black and white photography. Still, the one with the leopard print doesn’t seem to have a face.

9. Want to dress as a sexy ghost? Just put a white bag on your head.

You could never pull this kind of costume in PA. Mainly because the weather’s under 50 degrees by this point.

10. May I present to you the 19th century version of the Village People.

As you can see, they’re not exactly a lively bunch. In fact, they seem more likely to kill you in your sleep.

11. What a couple of babies.

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Okay, these two look too big to be babies. Yet, their masks can just scare the living shit out of you.

12. You might fly with these Peter Pan costumes.

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These are actually really terrifying. And it really says a lot since Peter Pan is an incredibly creepy movie.

13. Here you see Spiderman and Batman hang out with Colonel Sanders.

What a way to show a good example to kids, superheroes. Of course, masked vigilantism doesn’t help either.

14. How about you hang near the car?

That duck mask is frightening. Then again, the chicken mask may even be scarier.

15. Hope the trick-or-treaters can make themselves comfortable.

Okay, those vintage costumes are actually scarier in color. Even in regards to Princess Aurora, Casper, and Snoopy.

16. These kids are just resting on the grass.

These masks are incredibly terrifying. Don’t look now, but I think these kids are devising ways to kill neighbors who don’t give them candy.

17. Have fun trick-or-treating, kids.

Apparently, someone managed to make Spiderman and the Lone Ranger scary. While the Wolf man seems kind of lame.

18. That’s an odd looking giraffe.

Since the giraffe is made out of paper. Still, wonder how the girl can see in it.

19. Beware of the chicken boy.

I don’t know why the kid just stick around transfixed on the chicken. When the girl should be running away screaming for her dear life.

20. These two are just walking the street on their Halloween haunt.

The witch seems like she’s wearing Groucho Marx glasses without the mustache. But it should be the ghost that really scares us.

21. You might want to get away from the monster behind you.

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That’s Frankenstein’s monster attacking that boy. And I’m sure the boy might need another pair of pants.

22. Sorry to crash a medieval plague doctors meeting.

Since they’re all wearing bird masks and cloaks. Still, if it was the 1300s, we’d wonder how many of them will be left next year.

23. You’d think this is an odd-looking bird.

Well, it’s a cardboard costume. But it kind of looks eerie in black and white photography.

24. Beware of the little red devil.

I’m sure this kid is all right. But the costume makes him seem like a little terror out of hell.

25. A mother sits with her strangely dressed children.

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Two of them are supposed to be dwarfs, I think. One’s a cowboy. And one’s the Monopoly Man. But all seem rather dead inside.

26. This woman just wears a dress, mask, and cone hat.

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Wearing that, you’d think she was on her way to a cult meeting. But she has a pumpkin on her dress.

27. These four just hang around the front door.

But look at their masks and you don’t want them in your house. Seriously, they make Freddy Krueger look like a character on Sesame Street.

28. You wouldn’t want to run into this little clown at night.

Wonder if this is a childhood photo of Pennywise the Clown. I mean he had to be a child somehow.

29. Here a ghost emerges from the bushes.

Let’s hope he didn’t make it from some Klan robe. Because they were a thing back in the Gilded Age and 1920s.

30. This doesn’t seem like a fun Halloween party.

Consists of a scary clown and two very offensive stereotypes. For God’s sake it was the early 1900s. Times were really racist.

31. Well, this seems like a strange horse race.

Yes, you see people sharing horse costumes. One guy has very little legs like Lord Farquad.

32. Don’t hitch a ride with these masked men.

Since they’ll take you to an undisclosed location. Then they’ll kill you and rip you to pieces.

33. Who knows what this clown will do to these two women.

Yeah, I get that he’s wearing a tall hat. But I think after this picture was taken, the two women were never seen again.

34. The skull person is within the living room.

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Indeed, they’re not scaring anyone. But in time, they will chase teenagers with a knife once it gets dark.

35. Each trick-or-treater shall receive a large pumpkin bag.

The devil and Raggedy Ann masks will haunt your dreams. The cat, not so much.

36. Sometimes a white mask is all you need.

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She’s even on roller skates. That means she can go after you with a knife faster. Except on the stairs.

37. Are those kids or ventriloquist dummies?

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Well, they could be kids wearing masks. Yet, they don’t really seem very lifelike to me. Something’s off here.

38. The light’s quite misty, isn’t it?

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One of the revelers reminds me of an undead muppet. Another has a rather creepy clown face.

39. Apparently, someone’s fallen into a creepy cult ritual.

These women wear dresses with markings on them. But they must dance around two virgins before they sacrifice them to their blood hungry god.

40. A witch stands with her cat.

She seems rather lonely. Mostly because everyone’s frightened of her. And her cat’s plush, I think.

41. These two seem like a rather odd couple.

One wears a mask with make while looking dashing in a top hat and coat. The other wears a mask and a dress.

42. Here’s a friendly guy you’d meet in the park.

Kind of reminds me of the guy kicked off The Muppet Show. Since he often gave kids candy from his windowless van. Or so I heard.

43. Care to see the clown in the corner?

On second thought, I’ll pass on that one. Don’t want to be found near the river with an ax in my back.

44. Don’t you ever refuse to give these kids candy.

Because if you do, they will kill you. Even if you honestly ran out, they will still slay you. So please have candy ready for them.

45. Sandra finds romance on Planet of the Apes.

“Come to me, you damn dirty ape. Send me to your monkey bar sex dungeon.”

46. Don’t you dare cross this masked maid.

Mess with her and she’ll make sure you pay with your life. And she’ll make you pay.

47. You might enjoy this jolly clown.

Okay, this clown is terrifying. Avoid him like the plague if you value your life.

48. You’d swear you’ve seen these trick-or-treaters from space.

These costumes are quite frightening. Yet, the astronaut has to wear a rocket shaped mask for some reason.

49. “Come and play with us, Danny.”

Those princess masks are guaranteed to give you nightmares. Will certainly haunt your dreams.

50. Perhaps you might enjoy a couple of sisters.

One doesn’t pretend not to care. The other’s thinking about skinning the neighbor’s cat.

51. Make sure your stick matches your masks.

Though each one is just as scary. And the kids in the back certainly know it.

52. Looks like the Turnip ghost caused some scares.

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The woman is freaking out. The guy is splayed on the floor. Wonder if this is some horror cosplay scene.

53. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you can’t be Batman.

Well, she’s an early incarnation of Batwoman. But what am I kidding? Batman wasn’t around yet.

54. Well, we’ve got a couple of lone rangers.

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Actually, one’s supposed to be Zorro. But they will strike if not given candy for trick-or-treating.

55. “Won’t you come and spoon with me?”

Oh, hell no. For God’s sake I’m not that desperate for cuddles.

56. “I’m just a little school girl.”

I don’t know about you. But that’s a dude who looks like a lady to me. Possible ancestor of Steve Tyler from Aerosmith.

57. “Get off my lawn, you brats!”

For if you don’t, he’ll run you down and cut you up in his basement. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

58. Watch out for the locker room ghosts.

Of course, they probably didn’t have the time and resources for a full sheet. So they used pillow cases instead. One even has a black bag.

59. “I shall call him, Mini Me.”

These two wear the same cone black hats. The smaller boy is pure evil.

60. I give you, the Elephant Man.

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Okay, that’s kind of insensitive. Joseph Merrick deserves more dignity than that. Then again, he probably doesn’t know anything about Merrick.

61. Send in the big clowns.

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On second thought, do clowns really need to be inflated. That just makes them scarier.

62. “Are you comfortable, madam?”

This mouse seems rather hospitable to that girl. Don’t really want to what kind of relationship they have.

63. “Let’s just watch that house burn.”

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These masks are so terrifying even if they’re supposed to be dolls and clowns. And I’m sure they just set a house on fire.

64. Clown or space alien? You decide.

Actually, she’s probably dressed like a clown. But her tall hat totally seems like it’s from another planet.

65. These two always stick together.

Mostly because they’re dressed as co-join twins. They do a lot together, including murder.

66. “Want to join us at the farm?”

They’re all decked in their pajamas like they’re having a slumber party. Though I’ll pass on this one.

67. This black cat lingers in the alley.

Sure they may look scary. But the 2019 trailer to Cats just makes it look tame in comparison.

68. Hello boys and girls, it’s Beppo the clown.

For God’s sake, kill this infernal creature with fire. Before he kills somebody or gets in a daycare center.

69. Don’t want to run into these monsters even on a good day.

They’re just kids in Halloween costumes. But the masks are simply spooky.

70. Don’t mess with these clown ladies.

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Mock their circus act and I swear they will rain fire and terror on you. Or they’ll just kill you in your sleep.

71. Skull girl just loves hanging among the flowers.

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Hey, at least she’s not Rhoda from the Bad Seed. She wouldn’t kill anyone for trivial stuff like a penmanship award. But she will if you mess with her.

72. Why so sad, scarecrow?

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Guy looks like a sagging and depressed muppet. And with bad fashion sense.

73. This witch is awfully fond of these little girls.

Wonder if that witch is in costume. But she shows eyes of ill intent.

74. Care for some clandestine greenhouse ritual?

The kids seem like they’re dressed in their pajamas. The mom’s dressed as a witch.

75. Here’s a still from the new Joker movie.

Well, that might be a little too early. But I’m sure he’ll grow up to be an unstable psychopath nonetheless.

76. Pretty short to have mustaches, don’t you think?

One’s wearing a dress to indicate she’s clearly a girl. But these two seem like they’re silently judging you in those creepy masks.

77. “Here’s Toodles!”

Seeing that clown hovering over that family sends shivers down my spine. Also, is he holding a gun?

78. “I just came here to pick up a few things like your soul.”

I can understand why that girl’s screaming. Still, kind of way too young for this Faustian bargain thing. I think there should be an age of consent for that.

79. Got you 4 little devils in a row.

They’re even all holding masks. But come midnight, they will wreak havoc on a murder spree.

80. These robots come from another galaxy.

But mess with them, they’re bound to exterminate you. They also have great fashion sense.

Ghastly Halloween Greetings in the Ghoulish Days of Old (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 12, 2019

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Now it’s on to the Halloween vintage cards. In these days, there seems to be a greeting card for almost everything. In the olden days, this was no exception except in regards to MLK Day because the great civil rights leader wasn’t born yet or any kind of holidays white people didn’t celebrate. Anyway, given that Halloween greeting cards are apparently still a thing, you shouldn’t be surprised to see plenty vintage ones. However, in many ways, the vintage cards usually tend to be crazier for various reasons. Some may be dated. Some may be inappropriate. Some may be racist. And some may contain imagery that doesn’t seem to fly today. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you another assortment of crazy vintage Halloween greeting cards.

The moon doesn’t seem too happy these days.

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“Why the hell would leave a perfectly good office binder on my doorstep? Don’t they know they’re very expensive?”

2. “I wish you a jolly Halloween.”

And that’s not a safe way to hold a jack-o’-lantern, kids. Honestly, that’s a fire hazard.

3. Want to catch a jack-o’-lantern? Spread crumbs through a wagon, I think.

That way, he’ll be happy to tag behind you wherever you go. Still, how did anyone think this was a good idea?

4. This demon comes out to greet you from the jack-o’-lantern.

Seems kind of friendly for a creature of Hell. Guess it’s hot inside that jack-o’-lantern.

5. While mere mortals use jack-o’-lanterns as Halloween decoration, witches use them for broom headlights.

If it can talk, it doubles as a GPS system. Who knows how the characters in Harry Potter can do without them.

6. “O! Ghostly friend,/Thy hair’s on end/What fearful fate do you portend?”

To be honest, the corn guy’s more likely freaking me out. Seriously, it just gives me nightmares.

7. “Whoo-oo dares keep Halloween with me?”

The owl’s like, “I’ve got my eyes on you, floating pumpkin head.” Or something like that.

8. Feel free to sit down in your jack-o’-lantern bib.

Actually that bib’s kind of creepy if you ask me along with the jack-o’-lanterns on the top corners. Also, the girl seems like she’s slightly suffocating.

9. Don’t know if you want a bat pop up from a jack-o’-lantern.

Seems like everyone in this is freaked out by this. Save for the black cat for some reason.

10. Even the pumpkins make out in the pumpkin patch on Halloween night.

Still, despite the inscription, how do pumpkins hug and kiss? Linus, can you answer me on this one?

11. Perhaps you might want to go as a skeletal bat for Halloween.

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Seriously, she’s dressed up as a bat that bit into a powerline. Kind of disturbing if you think about it.

12. “With all Hallowe’en Greetings.”

Yet, that owl’s watching the creepy pumpkin man follow the seeds from the woman’s contraption. Wonder if this was a thing back then.

13. Pumpkin head kids wish you a jolly Halloween.

Oh, those creepy orange kids with one holding a poor cat. Makes me wonder if this is a childhood photo of Donald Trump. Wouldn’t surprise me.

14. Bet you don’t want a skeleton to get you.

Are those monsters supposed to be goblins? Also, why is one riding a cat?

15. When a witch wants a kid to get off her lawn, she means it.

Here she chases a kid with a jack-o’-lantern on a stick. And I thought witches ate kids. Then again, that may not be the case.

16. Forget brooms. The modern witch travels on a biplane of giant playing cards.

She even has a jack-o’-lantern on the front for navigation. And yes, it runs on owl power. But the cat’s kind of afraid of heights.

17. This Halloween, stay out of the cabbage patch.

No, these aren’t the Cabbage Patch kids you remember. Actually this cabbage people make out scene is getting a bit out of hand.

18. “For ways that are dark and tricks that are vain. Watch out!”

Here a black cat sits with 4 scary jack-o’-lanterns. But at least they’re not lit, yet.

19. Everyone loves a Halloween costume party.

Though whether to dance with a medieval version of the Joker is another matter. Seriously, his costume’s kind of freaky if you ask me.

20. The black cat in a pumpkin has a letter for you.

Though the kid doesn’t seem to think twice about trusting the cat. Kind of looks hypnotized. Also, note the sticks under the pumpkin.

21. Riding a broom on an ear of corn gives a witch more seat room.

But make sure the ear is giant size and has bat wings. Also, I think she might drive using a sideways steering wheel.

22. On Halloween, fell free to hoist the jack-o’-lantern flag.

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Instead of a skull and crossed bones, this flag has a jack-o’-lantern and crossed candles. Yet, the witchy woman has a rather suggestive expression.

23. The jack-o’-lantern always watches outside.

So maybe playing naked outside at night is not a good idea. Not that it would be anyway.

24. Dancing pumpkin man wishes you a happy Halloween.

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Unlike most depictions, he’s wearing a suit. Still, he’s guaranteed to inspire nightmares.

25. This little witch wishes you Halloween greetings.

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Though I’m not necessarily sure that she’s sitting appropriately. This is especially since she has her skirt up.

26. It takes two to carry a large jack-o’-lantern.

Nonetheless, the jack-o’-lantern seems to have a mind of its own. As you can tell by the eyes.

27. For many, Halloween is a time of love.

But since these kids have their hands on the jack-o’-lantern too long, the pumpkin’s starting to feel smushed. Seriously, they need their space once in awhile.

28. Wanna make some noise?

Yet, the pumpkin guys sitting on the gourd are very unsettling to me. One doesn’t seem too happy with the girl blowing her horn.

29. Don’t look at the jack-o’-lantern in the barrel.

Since there’s a rather creepy kid inside. And I don’t think the kid in front really wants to know.

30. Halloween greetings from the witch with a pumpkin fetish.

Hey, it may not look the least bit normal. But at least she’s not making out with Donald Trump.

31. Be careful in a room with masks.

Actually I don’t know why this woman can be in the same room with all these scary masks. Since they all look incredibly terrifying.

32. Ghost jack-o’-lantern wishes you happy Halloween on a broomstick.

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The outfit’s rather translucent. Though the jack-o’-lantern doesn’t seem sure how to fly this thing.

33. “The joys of Halloween be yours.”

Excuse me, but what the hell is Cupid doing here? This isn’t even his holiday. He’s Valentine’s Day.

34. Don’t be surprised to see double this Halloween.

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You can see how the images mirror each other. While the jack-o’-lantern thinks it’s just crazy.

35. Hide all you want to, but you can’t fool the moon.

To be fair these jack-o’-lanterns are rather creepy. But what are they doing behind that stack?

36. A witch and owl love hanging out together on the moon.

That owl looks abnormally huge. Because most don’t grow that big. Yet, the witch doesn’t care.

37. There’s nothing on Halloween like making out in a jack-o’-lantern.

First, that’s a major safety hazard since the clothes could catch on fire. Second, the cat and owl are basically like, “get a room, you two.”

38. The moon always knows a hot witch when it sees one.

Here the moon gazes on the witch with a pervy smile. While the witch might want to blow out her candle so the moon doesn’t see her as well.

39. Now where did that slice of cake go?

Yes, these creepy pupkin people have it for some reason. Maybe I’ll be okay without it. I’ll live.

40. Seems like her high beams are flashing.

See what I mean about a jack-o’-lantern functioning has headlights on a broomstick. Why don’t they have that in Harry Potter?

41. Remember that witches will kidnap your children.

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I don’t have a good feeling about these kids. Since witches are known to eat children. The boy doesn’t seem to mind though.

42. All kinds of demons can come out of a jack-o’-lantern.

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Here it sits upon a sinister black cat. Must be magical because I can’t see how the cat can retain its balance.

43. An owl sits upon a glowing jack-o’-lantern holding an apple.

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Yet, the girl seems rather fascinated instead of freaking out. Because how can the owl get inside? And it can basically claw and peck you to death.

44. Here this woman sits on a jack-o’-lantern dressed as an owl.

Yet, the giant jack-o’-lantern has a rather terrifying expression. Since even the cat’s freaking out.

45. You can always sit back on a jack-o’-lantern with a candle on Halloween.

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The pumpkin’s glowing. While the cat is glaring at the viewer with malicious intent. Wouldn’t want to go near that thing.

46. Don’t look now but I think that jack-o’-lantern’s stoned out of its mind.

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Not sure what’s in that pipe. But I also think the jack-o’-lantern’s looking up that woman’s skirt. That cat’s like, “Not cool, man.”

47. A campfire is always a graveyard smash.

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And yet, one’s running away in fear, two are on top of each other, and the would’ve gotten a selfie to post on Instagram. Only trouble is that smartphones and Instagram aren’t around yet.

48. Happy Halloween by the demon child soldier.

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Once you’re asleep, this little boy will come into your room with a knife and kill you. If you don’t take some time to lock your doors first.

49. Here a little witch picks up a name from the jack-o’-lantern.

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Whoever’s name she gets, she’ll go to their house and turn them into a newt. And I’m not sure if they’ll get better.

50. Happy Halloween from behind the haystack.

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Now that looks like a fire hazard waiting to happen. Wouldn’t be surprise if the jack-o’-lantern leads to the stack catching on fire and the boy burning to a crisp.

The Spooky World of Halloween Pumpkin Dioramas (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 8, 2019

1.DIY-Triangular-Pumpkin-Diorama

Almost every October for the last five years, my pumpkin diorama posts have always been perennial favorites. As you can see above, these consists of dioramas inside pumpkins. Though I often put them under Halloween decorations, they’re not exclusively so. After all, I’ve put up some pumpkin dioramas relating to Dia de los Muertos and Thanksgiving. Nonetheless, since most of these relate to Halloween, I usually put them there. Not to mention, pumpkin dioramas are often difficult to find. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I bring you another assortment of pumpkin dioramas for this Halloween season.

This pumpkin will bring you all the way to the Upside Down.

On top is the Byers’ living room. On the bottom is the Upside Down.

2. A skull always belongs in a haunted house.

The skull is even on a stack of pumpkins. The house is obviously made out of cardboard.

3. Seems like the tree lost its leaves.

The tree on this one is a twig. Yet, the grass looks quite dead and freaky.

4. Nobody could resist these two scarecrows.

This is a Thanksgiving diorama. But you have to admire the different colored pumpkins inside.

5. Don’t want to spend a scary night camping.

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Inside this one is a campsite. And it’s only lit by one fire.

6. This skeleton’s just chilling in the grave.

The pumpkin here is rather small. But the owl on top is so adorable.

7. These kids are just spending some time in a scary cemetery.

This is more of a collage with cut outs of kids and grave stones. Kind of scary, isn’t it?

8. You receive ghoulish greetings from this pumpkin house.

This one just has a fake candle inside the front doorway. The windows even have shutters.

9. Even witches enjoy a carousel ride now and then.

This one uses a pumpkin for a witch carousel. Wonder if it spins around.

10. You don’t know what’s lurking in this haunted forest.

This one isn’t nearly as dark as some of the others. But there’s a little black creature with fangs facing the opening.

11. Barb has been taken by the Upside Down.

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Poor Barb. Taken from us long before we really got to know her. She will be missed.

12. An orange glitter house will always stand out.

This orange house stands in front of a black background. Includes glitter trees and a white pumpkin.

13. Turkeys lurk in the pumpkin patch at night.

The pumpkins are made from peeps. While the crescent moon’s made from construction paper. Enjoy life while it lasts, turkeys.

14. Dog fans will howl over this pumpkin scene.

It just consists of doggy cut outs. And yes, the dogs are wearing costumes.

15. A white house can use some lighting.

This one has black roofs though. Also includes an orange pumpkin. The lights are on the ground.

16. Linus sits to wait for the Great Pumpkin.

This one has holes for stars while Snoopy sleeps on top in his WWI flying ace outfit. Seems to promote an orthodontics office.

17. This Cinderella pumpkin is quite 18th century.

This is made out of cut outs. Let’s hope they’re not in France since we know what happened there.

18. Cinderella, your castle awaits.

Seems like Cinderella left her shoe. Still, the stars are purple lights.

19. Perhaps you might be interested in a pumpkin ship.

This is pretty creative. Even has carrot cannons. Not sure how well it’ll do in the water though.

20. Death doesn’t have to end all your relationships.

This one has a skeletal bridal couple near a grave stone. A crow sits on top the pumpkin.

21. A witch flies over the neighborhood.

This consists of paper vintage imagery. And no, it doesn’t look very scary.

22. Looks like a hanging took place there.

Since the skeletons hang from the trees. Still, I wonder if there’s a picnic going on.

23. Skeletons love to hang around in the cemetery.

Unlike the others, this one seems to be made from a gourd. Yet the skeletons seem to be having fun.

24. This seems like a cozy witch’s cottage.

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See? Witches are just like everyone else. Also, spiders crawl on the edges.

25. Want to hear your fortune?

She holds her crystal ball to look into your future. And yes, her ball lights up in the dark.

26. This graveyard must be especially spooky.

This one has a skeleton hanging near a gravestone. Yet, the trees look incredibly creepy.

27. Want to go into a haunted parlor?

Yes, it certainly looks haunted like an abandoned Victorian mansion. Just see how the edge is covered in fake moss.

28. This must be a rather cozy cottage.

Has a freestanding fireplace with cabinets against the walls. A vine of red leaves covers the outside.

29. Frankenstein’s monster haunts the premises.

Indeed, he wanders around the graves. Mostly since it’s one of the few places people can’t bother him.

30. These scary monsters will always be spooky.

Includes a skeleton, black cat, and a jack-o’-lantern in front of a haunted house. Has a bow on top.

31. Halloween is always a graveyard smash.

Features a dog in a scary costume holding a rose. Edge is decked with pink and yellow flower lights.

32. This pumpkin has become very infested.

Inside is a scary graveyard. Outside you have spiders and webs. Even lights up.

33. This skeleton hangs around with his friends.

After all, they’re all as dead as he is. There’s even a web in the background.

34. The skeletons and ghosts come out at night.

The inside decor is made of paper. You can see a witch flying in front of the moon.

35. Care to pose for a group photo?

This one’s derived from old photos. While the edging is in orange and black.

36. The skeleton sits back and relaxes in front of his haunted home.

He’s even having the ghosts over. some are even held by sticks.

37. “This is Halloween! This is Halloween!”

Yes, someone made a pumpkin diorama of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Here Jack casually walks his ghost dog.

38. A skeleton paints a masterpiece.

This is for Dia de los Muertos. Outside is decorated with beats and flowers.

39. May they always be together in death.

Has a skeleton couple in wedding clothes. The groom doesn’t seem too happy.

40. It’s always fun at Camp Boo.

This one has a lot of jack-o’-lanterns inside. There’s even a black cat.

41. This mouse has managed to make a cozy home.

This mouse uses 2 pumpkins for a cottage. One is a living room. One is a bedroom.

42. This seems to be a rather happy cemetery.

Most of these are made out of rocks. The Halloween figures are painted.

43. This party’s dead on arrival.

Well, it’s a Dia de los Muertos pumpkin. And someone seems to cry over something.

44. A glittering night is always one of romantic scares.

There’s a newly married couple in a cemetery. And here they stand among glittering pumpkins.

45. This pumpkin has gone to the spiders.

Well, this one has 2 spiders along rocks. While a dragon fly flies on top.

46. Someone must be hungry for brains.

You don’t want to see a zombie rising out of the grave. Best you avoid cemeteries during a zombie apocalypse.

47. Someone’s here to trick or treat.

The doll’s dressed as a lion. Candy’s on the table with the jack-o’-lanterns.

48. A fire will warm you up on a cold, dark night.

Is that supposed to be snow? Also has a ghoulish figure on top.

49. A lone wolf howls at the moon.

Though we all know that the pack must be nearby. Has plenty of fall decor if you ask me.

50. A pumpkin house is always fitting.

It even has sticks that make the roof, windows, and door. Also includes a fence and 2 jack-o’-lanterns.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: Holidays

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Sixth Edition)

Deck the Halls with These Christmas Craft Projects (Fifth Edition)

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen on These Christmas Treats (Sixth Edition)

NSFW Elf on the Shelf (a. k. a. the Post I Ruin a Stupid Christmas Tradition) (Sixth Edition)

Ho, Ho, Ho, Holy Shit Vintage Christmas Advertising of Yesterday (Sixth Edition)

Scary and Eerily Adorable DIY Halloween Costume Inspirations (Fifth Edition)

The Haunted World of Halloween Village Houses (Fourth Edition)

The Dark Scary World of Vintage Halloween Costumes (Fifth Edition)

Ghastly Halloween Greetings in the Ghoulish Days of Old (Fifth Edition)

The Spooky World of Halloween Pumpkin Dioramas (Fifth Edition)