Carving pumpkins has always been a Halloween traditions since the legend of the Jack-o’-lantern. People tend to open a pumpkin, empty out all the seeds and entrails, carve a face, and put a light in it to for the outside. Of course, there are people who engage themselves in this Halloween tradition and some who don’t. Still, many people do carve some amazing pumpkins for this Halloween season. I can go on with how amazing some of these carvings are but you probably don’t want to hear that. Instead I’ll do a post on pumpkin carvings that are either not family friendly and/or doomed to offend your neighbors or drive trick or treaters away. Nevertheless, Halloween is one of those holidays where you could get away with being tacky or creepy so this was a hard post and some images may be not safe for work. Viewer discretion is advised. So without further adieu and your viewing pleasure, here’s an assortment of Halloween pumpkins you don’t want to see on your block.
1. Guess, pumpkins need a way to cope when nature calls.
I’m sure a display saying “2 Pumpkins, 1 Cup” won’t go well with guests. Also, it’s pretty disgusting on what’s implied to be in the cup. This just takes bathroom humor a little too far.
2. Now this jack-o’-lantern seems to be too jackshit crazy over burning his own kind.
Okay, that’s a little too disturbing and very unsafe. I mean this pumpkin is just vile taking over the grill burning his smaller counterparts. Sheesh.
3. Now I’m sure the kiddies will appreciate this reenactment of the Death Star blowing up Alderaan.
Now this isn’t a safe pumpkin and a rather traumatizing one to Star Wars fans. Hope this isn’t where kids could walk through.
4. Pumpkin in a plastic bag, what can go wrong here?
Is it just me or does it just seem like a depiction of a jack-o’-lantern drowning or suffocating? Either way it’s pretty bad since people have been killed through plastic bags.
5. Looks like someone is taking pleasure in his meal.
Of course, having his orange friend feasting on his innards won’t go so well for the white pumpkin. Still, this is just sick and very disturbingly cannibalistic.
6. Behold, the jack-o’-centipede.
For those who’ve seen the terrible Human Centipede movies, I’m sure you’d probably not want your kids to visit a house with a pumpkin carving designed to imitate this. Seriously, it’s disturbing.
7. Of course, some pumpkins still need to do the time.
But having them spend prison in a pumpkin shell, well, I can’t even think about it. Of course, this is one of the least inappropriate of the bunch.
8. I’m sure Jack must’ve done something terribly wrong to get the chair.
Seriously, the death penalty isn’t really a subject you should mock, especially since the electric chair is still used for execution in a few states as well as seen as cruel and unusual punishment.
9. Now here’s a good idea on what to do when you have an old aquarium you haven’t used since your pet turtle died.
However, just don’t create the impression of your carved pumpkins drowning. I mean drowning isn’t something people should joke about, even on Halloween. This is especially true for those who live near the coast or work at a pool.
10. Behold, a Halloween pumpkin tribute to the Alien movies.
Actually, I’m 24 years old and this display just makes me puke. Still, this is just far too graphic for any Halloween display. Guaranteed to traumatize the kiddies for sure.
11. Congratulations, it’s quintuplets. and a bunch of red pumpkins.
Let’s just say, displays that show the delivery room and nature’s bounty in a cornucopia don’t go together. Nice to make those gourds look like boobs though.
12. I didn’t say “Let’s play doctor.” I said, “Let’s play Medieval doctor.”
Now this is just graphic and sick. I understand gory Halloween displays, but this just frightens trick or treaters. Besides, that pumpkin with a saw needs to be put to jail.
13. Oh, no, it’s the claw.
This display makes me more terrified of vending machines than I ever had since watching Toy Story. Also, I don’t think the big pumpkin’s intentions are good.
14. Hmmm…pumpkin brain surgery, now I’ve seen everything.
Sure it may look clever but that brain gourd seems too close to the real thing. Also, it might scare the kids.
15. Use your pumpkin to store your beer for this year’s Oktoberfest by attaching a tap on it.
Warning: must try to store it in a safe place when Halloween comes around. Also, don’t attempt this if your friends suspect you of alcoholism.
16. Oh, look a man and a oh, my God!
What the fuck? Seriously, bestiality is animal abuse! Why does anyone think this is funny? Seriously, such display basically offends everyone and won’t attract trick or treaters. WTF is right. Not cool.
17. Oh, look a princess pumpkin carving. Wait a minute, this is a reenactment of Carrie!
Now perhaps we shouldn’t carve pumpkins to pay tribute to Stephen King novels. Still, at least it’s not a tribute to the Shawshank Redemption or the Green Mile.
18, Looks like this pumpkin seems to take advice from the Tim Taylor School of Technology.
I don’t think making a pumpkin depicting a garage mishap may not be very funny as it is on Home Improvement. Sad to say. Still, when you want to do a hammer head pumpkin, stick with the shark.
19. Now this pumpkin macdaddy sure is stylin’ with his foil grill and sunglasses.
Now this is just in really poor taste. Seriously, pimps are never good idea for Halloween costumes or pumpkins, especially if you have black people in your neighborhood.
20. Now this will be a perfect pumpkin for my sex dungeon.
Now this is just very inappropriate to children and perhaps offensive to those in the BDSM community. Then again, children may not know anything about BDSM as far as I know.
21. Oh, no, the jack-o’-lantern just blew his brains out!
Now this is just simply inappropriate and certain to offend neighbors. Using a gun in a Halloween display is never okay. Seriously, gun violence is nothing to joke about at all, especially suicide.
22. Looks like this pumpkin baby needs a diaper change.
I’m sure all parents have memories of this. Still, this is downright sick if you know what I mean. Besides, there are just some subjects that shouldn’t be used in decoration.
23. Now here’s a flasher pumpkin with a gourd genitalia.
Now this is a very inappropriate pumpkin carving, indeed. Seriously flashing is considered indecent exposure and sometimes street harassment that will get you arrested. Seriously, why?
24. Okay, keep your hands off your pumpkin butt.
Now this is just a really inappropriate design to display in your front yard. Not to mention, your neighbors might think it contains sexual connotations or feel very insulted.
25. Now there’s nothing like a hanging in a cemetery scene.
Wait a minute, we should remember, people in the South used to lynch black people by hanging them on a tree during segregation. Also, people kill themselves this way. This explains why hangings are never a good idea in a Halloween decoration.
26. Now here’s a pumpkin design taken straight from a truck’s sleazy mudflaps.
A naked mudflap lady on your decoration basically says, “Hi, I’m a single man and I’m a male chauvinist pig.” I know it may not apply to all men who have a thing for the mudflaps with the naked ladies, but it’s pretty much the stereotype.
27. Now here’s a pumpkin of how babies are made.
Now I’ve seen a lot of these pumpkin carvings with sex imagery. This one is about as tame as you can get. Still, I’m sure such pumpkin imagery is sure to offend parents.
28. Of course, there will certainly be a full moon tonight.
I’ve seen a lot of pumpkins featuring naked backsides as well. The lady ones usually pertain to a witch. This one was about the least offensive but still inappropriate.
29. Ladies and gentlemen, the crack-ho’-lantern.
Now this is just plain offensive and racist even if the hair isn’t exactly black. Yet, we know how crack hos tend to be stereotyped. Seriously, why?
30. Now here’s a pumpkin on how babies are made.
Now this is just in poor taste. This is a more appropriate Halloween display for sex ed or a doctor’s office than anything else.
31. Nothing indicates a stoner residence like a carved pumpkin of a marijuana leaf.
Now I’m sure police wouldn’t want to search your house if they saw that pumpkin carving would they? Of course, that only goes for people who live outside of Colorado and the state of Washington. Still, Willie Nelson would be proud.
32. Great, now these pumpkins are devouring people!
Now this is pretty sick if you really think about it. Still, this pumpkin display is guaranteed to give young trick or treaters nightmares.
33. Well, maybe the pumpkin ate your baby.
Now having a carved pumpkin gnaw at some human leg is one thing. Yet, one devouring a little kid, now that’s just too disturbing to put in one’s yard.
34. Behold, the Hannibal-Lect-o’-lantern.
Now I’m sure using Silence of the Lambs isn’t an appropriate subject for pumpkin carvings. This is especially true when its a carving of a guy who said, “I ate his liver with a fine chianti and some fava beans.” Then again, Buffalo Bill would be a worse choice.
35. The Jack-o’-Lantern goes to the doctors.
Of course, this decoration should only be appropriate for medical offices that don’t take any children. Also, I’m not sure if the gown is put on the right way.
36. Use your pumpkin to store your nice cold beer for football season.
Now I’m sure this isn’t the kind of pumpkin carving suited for families. Might want to store this away from trick or treaters.
37. Oh, no, some pumpkin is wearing a thong!
Now this is just not an appropriate decoration that will offend parents traveling with their kids during trick or treating. Seriously, why?
38. Yikes! someone has pulled a grenade!
Now I’m sure a pumpkin grenade isn’t dangerous but it may trigger some painful memories among the war veterans in your life. Also, I’m sure that pumpkin on the left is scared shitless.
39. Pedobear says there’s free candy.
Now I know that Pedobear is actually used to mock pedophiles and not as a mascot for pedophilia. Whenever, he’s on a picture it means, “you’re being creepy about a kid” and has been used to track down real pedophiles by authorities and Chris Hansen. However, this doesn’t stop people from being offended by him. Also, it might repel more trick or treaters than attract especially if they’re with their parents.
40. Come to this house and see nude girls now.
Now this gives “trick or treat” an inappropriate new meaning. Still, I hope this pumpkin display is at an actual strip joint and not some private residence. No one in their right mind would want this on their doorstep. Seriously, why?
41. Here the pumpkin chef reads a recipe while relieving himself.
If this is how the filling in pumpkin pie is made, then I’m going to barf. Seriously, this is really disgusting.
42. For those in the family way, why not break the news with a pumpkin display like this?
This pumpkin reminds me of those stomach cakes I saw when researching baby shower cakes. Let’s just say this is less heartwarming than just poor taste. Sorry, expectant parents.
43. For those welcoming their bundle of joy on this Halloween, here’s a little pumpkin to commemorate the occasion.
I’ve seen a lot of pumpkin birth scenes on the internet. And let me say, it’s hard to believe unless you’ve seen them. Still, not an appropriate Halloween subject no matter how scary birth may be.
44. When you get Ablolut Vodka, you get absolutely buzzed.
Can’t believe that this won second place at a pumpkin carving contest. Too bad it’s bound to offend the neighbors, especially with the little pumpkin puking.
45. Never put a jack-o’-lantern in your yard for you’d never know when they’ll attack.
This is just too graphic for children trick or treaters. Let’s just say, one look at this and a child may be too traumatized to either carve pumpkins or do any landscaping.
46. And now, kids, this is how pumpkin pie is made.
So this is basically a way you can get a kid not to eat pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving again since they’ll think it’s pumpkin shit.
47. Sometimes pumpkins need to pay for college somehow.
A stripper pumpkin with a thong full of money, now I’ve seen everything. Still, this pumpkin display would make kids ask their parents, “Why does this pumpkin have its underwear with money?” I don’t think they want to answer that.
48. Guess this pumpkin couldn’t stand this cruel world any longer.
Okay, now this is just plain wrong. Seriously, suicide is nothing to laugh about, especially via shotgun. Also, very graphic with the pumpkin stuff on the wall.
49. Have the time of your reich, I mean life with this pumpkin tribute of Dirty Dancing.
What it’s supposed to be: A scene from Dirty Dancing featuring Patrick Swayze. What it looks like: Someone doing a Nazi salute. Moral: some scenes in pumpkins may look really different than what the carver intended.
50. Looks like this pumpkin had a bit too much to drink.
Now humor relating to drunk people puking may be funny for an adult audience. Yet, it’s not appropriate Halloween humor for most trick or treaters. Also, very messy.