Apparently, he’s about to give Barbie a boob job. Still, I don’t think this is even legal. Or safe.

This seems straight out of Silence of the Lambs. Yes, that’s a skeleton hanging with outstretched arms.

They’re basically doodling on a boy when he’s sleeping. Hope this isn’t a school night.

Here he’s fallen drunk in front of Shrek and Gingy. Still, Quinky better get off the vodka. Maybe join a 12 step.

Actually it might have nothing to do with donkeys. And no, I don’t want to see it.

Okay, that’s a rather dirty joke. And no, I don’t want to see an elf’s butt.

Yes, this is another takeoff from Dexter. And yes, it’s somehow a rather popular motif in these R-rated elf photos.

Oh, no, Cringle’s with Barbie on the carpet with Don Julio. This won’t end well.

But he’s also showing his but as if he’s mooning. Look, I really don’t want to know whether he enjoys butt stuff.

He’s confessing to be a dirty elf. Yet, I don’t know if “Jumbo” is his name or a moniker he chose for himself. If the latter, I know what it implies.

Here he’s fastened onto a door with band-aids. Don’t really want to know what happened here.

Not sure what Gleeker did. But whatever it was, it seems pretty bad. Oh, it’s cocaine possession.

Yes, he’s pushing her down the drain. Not sure if he’s either dumping her dead body or torturing her. Nor do I want to know.

Yes, there are guys who are into lesbian porn. And I’m sure Winker is one of them. But he prefers to see it live.

Don’t tell me they have a North Pole version of The Real Housewives. That stuff rots your brain.

By that I mean, cocaine. And he’s using hte parents’ Master Card.

Wesley always had an attitude. But I didn’t think he had it in him to cook someone in the microwave.

A man bun may look good on a samurai. But it looks downright tacky on most other men.

He’s collecting heads. Yes, doll heads. Barbie and Ken, you will be missed.

Okay, he’s after children. And I’m sure this is an elf Stephen King would want to watch his grandkids.

Uh, this seems really dirty. And no, I don’t want to see his jingles.

Don’t tell me Hinkle’s going to throw darts at Elmo. What did Elmo do to him?

He’s even wearing chains and glasses like you see in the SNL sketch. Still, thanks but no thanks.

Stealing from the nativity scene. That will surely get you sent to Hell.

Wonder what Vinker did to receive that court order. Is he a sex offender? What’s the North Pole’s background check policy?

Seems like the North Pole’s not paying the elves enough. So Benny had to take a side gig, which is selling blue meth a la Breaking Bad.

What did he do to Barbie? Did he rape her? Does he know rape is a felony? For God’s sake this is just a whole level of disturbing.

That’s when they put a tube up your ass to see if you have cancer. You’re also knocked out during the whole thing.

Apparently, he seems to be into it for some reason. Don’t want to know what happens next.

Dinky didn’t know he had it coming. Those mints are brutal.

Said he has information on Hillary Clinton to ensure her arrest. For God’s sake is this a take off on some Clinton conspiracy theory?

Vinty’s about to set Santa on fire. And he’s not afraid to use a lighter on the candle.

And he’s gotten a Kelly doll died to the tracks. Only a matter of time until she gets run over.

And they’re snorting cocaine. Not setting a good example isn’t he? Of course not.

Those aren’t Hershey’s Kisses are they? So he’s basically shitting them out.

It says, “Suck mah balls” in toothpaste. Guy’s got a potty mouth.

Seems like Larry has some explaining to do. Still, there’s always another roll around somewhere.

But that didn’t include murdering him and putting his head in a fridge. What kind of sicko elf does that?

Actually he’s planning to kill Rudolph and serve him for dinner. Watch out for that knife, Rudolph!

Mostly because he’s puking in the toilet. For God’s sake, that whiskey looks like strong stuff.

No wonder they were able to find Bin Laden. Guess he’s an elf at a house of a Seal Team 6 member.

So they tie him up and put him on a car. Not sure what they’re going to do with him.

So he’s got himself a bottle of booze and some pills. Guess he’s watching over Donald Trump’s grandchildren.

Sparkles has a guy tied to a bed and is wielding a mallet. Sure this won’t end well at all.

Winko’s got some kind of kinks. As dominatrix Barbie is here to oblige.

Yet, he’s paying plush dolls to pole dance. For God’s sake, please don’t subject Jessie to this.

He says he wants to build a big wall in the North Pole. And make the polar bears pay for it.

You can see his eyes lack any shame. But our arsonist was never caught.

Yes, he’s passed out drinking. And yes, his late night party sprees have become a bit of a problem. That’s putting it mildly.

By the way, don’t light your farts. Or you’ll end up with a burned face like Andy.

Just throw water and she melts. Then show her broomstick to the wizard.

Guess this is a takeoff on Maury’s “Who’s My Baby’s Daddy?” segment. So is it Santa or Frosty? If Santa, Mrs. Claus won’t be happy at all.

So how did he become an elf on the shelf if he’s a pill popping sex addict and a drunk. An elf like that shouldn’t be near children.

As a result, a train ran over him while he was passed out. Such as sad and violent way to die.

Apparently, Jessie likes to ride a few horses. But I’m sure Buzz won’t be happy about this situation, especially in Spanish mode.

Too bad he defaced a baby picture. Seriously, doesn’t he have anything better to do?

This is a take off from Silence of the Lambs. Here he lowers something for his hostage that he keeps in a hole in the ground.

Seems like she’s having a wet dream of Channing Tatum. Still, despite being a heterosexual woman, I didn’t like Magic Mike.

You might want to pass on that. Even if he’s wearing a Santa suit. Guess watching children is a very boring job.

You can see Blanky with his cold eyes looking at the red balloon. Now he’s out for murder.

He wants everyone to piss off. And he wrote it in pee on the ice.

Is that in blood? And is he holding a knife? Quick hide the kids. Don’t want him to murder them in their sleep.

Mess with Queen Elsa and you’ll be frozen. That’s just how it goes. Brinker learned the hard way.

Let’s hope he doesn’t decide to go on a joy ride. Because that would be bad.

So he’s looking at elf porn. Nonetheless, does he know those women aren’t really elves? Or doesn’t he care?

Apparently, working at the North Pole doesn’t pay well. So Susie must do what she can to get by. Even by pole dancing.

Don’t try it, Bunky! Since you can’t assume a gun is loaded. No wonder I support gun control.

Sure he resorts to armed robbery. But he’s rolling in coins and bullets after robbing a gun and ammo store.

What, kill Santa? Why would Evan even do such a thing? God, he should be in prison.

Okay. Ingle cooks meth a la Walter White. Mostly because being an elf doesn’t pay the bills.

If I was Santa, I’d strongly put him on the naughty list. Because he’s a sociopathic demon.

Here Minker is in bed and smoking cigarettes with Barbie. Wrong on so many levels.

Here he’s in bed with Ariel, Mulan, and Tinkerbell. Don’t want to ruin my childhood just yet.

Bet he doesn’t want to know as long as he sits there, he’s in the hot seat. And he’ll eventually die, especially if he’s a disaster as ruler of the Seven Kingdoms.

He seems to be riding it with a rather suggestive grin. Also note that beaver is a slang term for female genitalia.

Apparently, that magazine is Playboy. And he’s certainly not reading it for the articles.

Is this supposed to be autoerotic asphyxiation? You know what actually killed David Carradine?

And they’re Glinda and Elphaba. Wonder what can go wrong with that.

Apparently, she shits mints. Don’t want to fish it out. No thanks.

Basically watching Barbie doing a naked pole dance. And he seems to enjoy it. That pervert.

Man, that elf is quite devious. Wonder if he was planning to sell these drugs. Then that makes me ponder what Santa’s paying these guys.

Is he planning to rob something? Or is he dressed up as a ninja? Don’t have a great feeling about either scenario.

Well, I’m not sure what that thing is. But Oliver seems to use it as a vibrator, apparently. So it’s kind of disturbing.

Here he is among the undead. Makes me wonder how he can last before a zombie bites him.

Seriously, you don’t want to go near Quincy. For he has a ravenous appetite for human flesh.

Are those dead birds? Looks like it. So how did they get inside in the first place?

Though he may not be as scary as Donald Trump, he’s certainly terrifying with his spray tan and horrendous toupee. If your kid has him for their Elf on the Shelf, they’re totally screwed.

Sorry, but that wall won’t keep undocumented immigrants out of the US anymore than a life-sized version at the border which would be a massive waste of money.

Oh, God, that’s a xenomorph! Get out of the house and get Ellen Ripley on Line 1.

Is that what I think it is? And I thought graffiti was bad.

Is he dressed up as Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs? Indeed, he must be a very sick bastard.

This is straight from Game of Thrones. And the marshmallow snow figures don’t seem happy about it.

And I don’t think this constitutes in kinky stuff. Yet, Woody doesn’t seem to mind, disturbingly.

Are they all in the dryer? This won’t turn out well.

He seems passed out on booze and pills. Guess someone’s going to rehab after the holiday season. If the North Pole features a rehab center.

Hey, at least he’s not looking at porn. Rather, he seems turned on by gorgeous women in sexy Christmas costumes.

The sign says: No Horseplay in Hot Tub. Yet, they don’t seem to listen. Though the tub is a glass bowl with marshmallows inside.

Then again, his clothes are basically sewn onto him. That can’t be said for these dolls.

Here he’s put mustaches on the whole family. I know he’s not respecting his welcome to the Hendersons’ home.

Yet, that doesn’t excuse him from doing a 3 way with a couple of Barbies in a stocking. Also, what are those nooky pills?

Man, Winkle’s really going to town with him. Hope he doesn’t hurt any onlooking Smurfs.

So kids can’t touch him due to a court order. If that’s the case, he shouldn’t be an elf on the shelf, period.

This is a takeoff on Game of Thrones. She’s supposed to be Daenyrs Targaryen who keeps dragons. Yet, the antlers seem to blaze fire for some reason.

Yet, that face seems to come from a Mr. Potatohead Santa. And the spud is certainly not pleased.

Look, I have no idea how this is possible. So don’t ask me to explain. Seriously, this is really fucked up.

Yet, I don’t know whether this policeman is convinced. Though in his defense, the elf is pretty creepy.

So Rinko has to put Gregor Elf into a candy dish. Man, that’s so cold with the “It’s easier if you don’t struggle.”

Apparently, he’s confessing to running a young girl’s innocence with Princess Jasmine. Guess he doesn’t know the meaning of discretion.

I know it’s so wrong on so many levels. And unlike Belle, I can’t bring myself to look away.

Perhaps he might want to lay off the wine. I know that spying for Santa is quite a stressful job as it is.

This is a takeoff on the Saw series which I’m not very familiar with. Yet, you don’t want to see an Elf on the Shelf wielding a bloody ax.

Though you’d think he’d be more of a fan of Bacardi or Captain Morgan. Still, the Jack Sparrow get up is spot on.

Yet, he seems to enjoy hanging around hte knives for some reason. And no, the sharp end shouldn’t stick out like that.

Indeed, another parody of Game of Thrones. Like how the iron throne is made out of cutlery.

This is a spoof on Duck Dynasty. And yes, it’s kind of strange to see these elves in long beards.

Yet, he seemed to spill blood upon decapitation. Still, the smile remains.

Here he is wearing chains with 2 Barbies and a bottle of Smirnoff. Elf thinks he’s gangster doesn’t he?

Well, maybe he’s homesick for the North Pole. Still, there must be better things to watch than The Real Housewives.

Apparently, these figures had put up with his shit way too long. But could you hardly blame them?

Wonder what the hell he’s doing with the British Queen. Still, those who live the gangster life usually go down to a violent end.

However, I wouldn’t want to put him in the same car as the baby. Since he seems bent on sabotage.

Yet, the yeti spreads Elver’s leg over the bowl for some reason. And I really don’t want to know why.

Seems like he killed an alien, Ham, and a couple Ninja Turtles. Thank God Dexter took care of him when he did.

Indeed, this is another takeoff on Game of Thrones. Though the fur doesn’t seem like anything you’d find in Westeros.

Here Quinkles smashes a bauble like it can’t be easily replaced. But it can since you can find them at almost any store this time of year.

Seeing he’s got fangs, you’d take him for some elf vampire. If he’s in your house, keep him away from your kids.

Here he’s bound and blinded with plastic wrap. As plastic army men are commissioned to do the grisly deed.

Seems like he’s sniggering over what he’s seen among hte clothes. If you want to kill him with fire, be my guest.

Yet, they seem to play cards with bottles of booze beside them. I’m sure they’re gambling as well.

So he’s resorting to raiding Travis’ dino bank. You’d think an elf wouldn’t sink so low to steal money from a child.

Because a love triangle involving witches won’t end well. Gary should be lucky he’s not turned into a toad by this point.

He’s written “Redrum” on the mirror with lipstick. Cue the family freak out a few minutes later.

Yet, putting candy canes into tampons doesn’t help. Seriously, it’s a very terrible idea for so many reasons.

Is he humping that dog? And what are the plushies doing in front of the elf? Okay, I really don’t want to know.

This is straight from Titanic as you can see. But Alvie relishes in drawing nudes.

This is from IT by the way. Yet, seeing Rinty and the creepy kid, I’ll take my chances with Pennywise.

This is an Elf on the Shelf as Pennywise the Clown. And yes, he’s quite terrifying to incite nightmares.

So it’s supposed to be like they’re lighting his farts. Let’s hope he doesn’t eat anything from Taco Bell during the month of December.

This mostly consists of a Coors Light box and beer bottle reindeer. So it’s not a wholesome Christmas image meant for a postcard.

Here he seems to get Mrs. Malmsey’s bra. What a dirty elf to come into her house.

The caroler even carries an expression of shock. Apparently, this elf has his mind in the gutter when it comes to dolls.

This is a takeoff from Stranger Things. Remember when Will’s mom came up with this display to communicate with him?

He’s tied up to make a meal out of the dinosaurs. Hope he enjoys this small toy version of Jurassic Park.

In true Scarface fashion, here he is about to sniff some coke while he’s holding a weapon. Don’t mention the mustache and gold chain.

She’s been somewhat pale lately. Like she’s an undead zombie who’d infect you with her bite.

Apparently, he’d rather make love to a Barbie against a green screen. Not the safest thing to do on the road.

Sure you might have blood everywhere in your kitchen sink. But the elf will always rise again. Terrifying.

Because if he could get away with it, he’ll try to kill you in your sleep. Sweet dreams.

Yeah, he’s kind of been eating the dolls as you can see. Also, he’s been a zombie for awhile. So it’s best to kill him with fire.

Lingle doesn’t like other elves in his premises. So he uses them as target practice. I know he needs to be put away somewhere. But I don’t know the jail situation in the North Pole.

Here we got him admiring Barbie’s tramp stamp under the Christmas tree. Indeed, he’s quite naughty, isn’t he?

Uh, I don’t think the kids want to see a dead body. Seriously, they don’t want to do that during the holidays.

Now he’s floating in the toilet. It’s going to be a very icky job getting him out of there.

I’m sure Hinkle will add some fava beans to the baby stew. God, he’s a very sick elf, indeed. Kill him. Kill him with fire.

Yet, he likes to watch you sleeping. So it’s best if you don’t trust him with sharp objects.

Seems like he’s going to keep Yinkler in this mason jar for quite some time. And I wouldn’t blame the Grinch doing so.

Here he is tying the Grinch up and standing on it like he’s his trophy. My condolences to the Grinch.

Wait, they’re lighting each other’s farts. Seriously, this is a dangerous activity, especially during the holiday season.

Because Slinker is inside wielding a knife. Kill him with fire, please.

Apparently, Elmo doesn’t seem to have much to say. Though you can see him screaming as Buddy points a big ass knife at him.

Guess this is based on “Dick in a Box.” Yeah, we know what’s in those gifts.

Seems like he has a pair of pliers. Okay, maybe I really don’t want to know here.

He’s quite the sharpshooter. He could take down a bunch of birds all by himself.

And we know Rinkly means business. So Elmo better give him what he wants or he’s history.

Though could you really blame them? We all know Buddy is a menace.

Bet this is a take off on Brokeback Mountain. Though whatever happens on the trail doesn’t always stay there.

Yes, Flicker just needs whiff of the old school glue. Shame that Frosty hasn’t staged an intervention.

Well, at least it’s quite Christmasy if you think about it. Still, this isn’t a family friendly Christmas display. Unless you’re a redneck of course. Though this might be an exception than the rule.

No, Glinkle! Can’t you see Barbie’s wasted? That date rape territory! Jesus!

He’s in the spatula jar isn’t he? I have a really bad feeling about this guy.

Though I’m sure that doesn’t seem to reflect well on the kid. Yet, the kid seems quite young. Still, let’s just call it plain vandalism.

So Vinkly chopped his head and put it in the tub. Though the whole scene was a mess. Yes, Vinkly is a sick bastard.

And let’s just say, Ollie means business. Seriously, you better let him in before he kills you and your family.

Okay, is that what I think it is? All right, kids, nothing to see here. You’ll know what’s going on here when you’re older.

Is this a sex thing? Because if it is, I really don’t want to know. Still, I’m sure Elves on the Shelves must have their own “needs.”

Otherwise, Tillo will cause some sort of “accident.” Let’s hope nobody’s home if that happens.

Oh, no, Gringlo’s got Woody tied up and is dragging him blindfold. Jesus Christ!

I’m sure he only reads Playboy for the articles. Okay, maybe not.

I guess this is a takeoff of the Billy Dee Williams Colt 45 ads. And yes, Dinkle is dressed as a pimp.

Yes, this is horrifying. Well, it’s kind of supposed to be. After all, it’s a takeoff on The Human Centipede.

Though the fact he left a rose at the windowsill might mean he’s creeping around. Sorry, but I don’t think she’s interested.

He has an exactor knife in one hand and a gun in the other. And yes, he intends to use both.

Yes, Chuckie, we all know the Elf on the Shelf is a creepy as hell. But it’s remarkable for you since you’re straight out of a horror movie.

Sure she might be in towels. But Bumble is a very patient elf. Unless the doll shoos him out of the bathroom.

Looks like he painted a little girl’s face. And I be he’ll blame that on her siblings if she has any.

That’s a pregnancy test. Also, can toys really get pregnant? And is that elf the father?

And there he lies in a chalk outline on a tiled floor. Though to be fair, the sword seemed kind of on the heavy side for him.

Apparently, Barbie must’ve pissed him off somehow. But will someone come the rescue? Or will Barbie come to a horrendous death on the rails?

Though Clinker seems to take marriage as a ball and chain. I don’t see this lasting more than 5 years.

Sure it’s a spoof off of a key scene in Titanic. But unlike Leonardo DiCaprio, Tinkler looks more like a creep.

Okay, maybe I don’t want to know what the song’s about. Since it doesn’t end well.

Well, that’s very disturbing. No, please don’t sit on Santa that way. Please.

Because since Jingler has been such a creep, Beetlejuice and Pee Wee Herman put him in the wood stove. I’m sure he won’t escape once the metal door shuts.

I’m sure she was warned about skiing down the high rise. But she didn’t listen.

So he put that good for nothing elf in a pumpkin bin. Serves Nibbler right.

So Quigley decided to turn to prostitution. Sure he may not be gay, but $20 is $20.

But Jingles don’t care. Because like the honey badger, he don’t give a shit. Also, who’s Jordan?

I’m sure they’ll find who Sparky killed in the cat’s litter box. Only takes a matter of time.

Poor Rudolph. I’m sure he never deserved to be reduced to venison. Tingler is a sick bastard.

Yeah, he knows he has a substance abuse problem. But sometimes he has to satisfy his fix.

This is a parody of that one TIME cover with a woman who breastfed her son for far too long. But yes, it’s just as unsettling.

Okay, that’s kind of weird. But the hotdog people is nevertheless a creative touch.

And with that, Wingler injected poison into the turkey. All the Parnells ended up in the hospital that very night.

So why Flingle lives is a box is beyond me. By the way, I doubt if he’d use the cocaine for “research.” He has a problem.

I’m sure such sentiment will put that elf on the naughty list. Because being evil is bad.

And there we have Thomas the Tank Engine in flames. I’m sure Pinky’s maliciously cackling by now.

This is supposed to be an Elf on the Shelf version of Charlie Sheen. And let’s just say he’s got a self-destructive side.

And apparently, he’s doing a few tricks to Barbie. Barbie, get the hell out of there! He’s abusing you!

Uh, Linker, I think pet fish are off limits. Seriously, you don’t want to upset the kids.

I see he’s looking at porn, right? I’m sure Susie’s parents won’t be happy about this.

I know this is another Dexter Elf on the Shelf. But this one has plenty of Christmas imagery. Besides, Elker needs Ken to pay.

I don’t think you’re allowed to smoke here. Besides, secondhand smoke kills people, too.

And it seems he’s taking to bottles. Still, how much does he drink. He’s peeing like a storm here.

And I see things have gotten scatological. Also, how can a cat learn to play Scrabble?

Don’t be ashamed. Everyone goes to the bathroom. Maybe best to shut the door.

Okay, I can’t really blame Rex here. After all, the whole Elf on the Shelf thing is just creepy.

Yet, it seems like he’s put his own spin on the parents’ wedding picture. Boy, he sure doesn’t care for them.

Though I’m not sure if Zlinky has done a service or not. After all, clowns are pretty scary in the moonlight.

I guess Fluffy’s in the microwave. Oh, my God, please let me be wrong.

And it seems like he wrote all that graffiti on the bathroom wall. Let’s hope he didn’t do it with a Sharpie.

That’s the legendary leg lamp from Christmas Story. I know it’s in poor taste, but that lamp has become a popular Christmas decoration since.

And he appears to wipe the Micklesons out at the bank. Bet they’re dreading their credit card bills.

And here he’s with a couple of Barbies. Yes, you have a lot of perverted elves out there.

Yes, these elves are all tied to a ceiling fan. And yes, it looks straight out of a horror movie.

Okay, this makes the famous Ghost scene more terrifying. Don’t like how Hinkler’s looking over the Barbie’s shoulder.

Yes, he’s quite the Psycho all right. You can see the blood everywhere on this bathroom.

Oh, I see. Well, I guess these elves have “needs.” But still, I hope he doesn’t ring for it.

Yes, I have another Dexter one. But still, you can’t really get enough of these.

Is that Santa’s head? Oh, Jesus Christ! And I thought Elves were supposed to be Santa’s trusted lieutenants.

Is he supposed to be a kidnap victim? Then again, it’s not like I’d pay the ransom on him.

He says he fixed the brakes. But he’s wielding a pair of pliers. That can’t be good. So best not use your car until you talk to your mechanic.

And they Spinkler tied up where they want him. Still, I can’t blame these guys for doing so.

Oh, he removed the batteries because he wouldn’t shut up. Wonder why.

It’s a take off of “Gangnam Style.” Let’s just say it’s a Korean music video that went viral worldwide and leave it at that.

He’s putting Frosty into the combine! Please, somebody make him stop! I can’t watch.

Apparently, the elf caught the parents having sex. Yes, it’s as horrifying as it sounds.

That’s supposed to be Alan from The Hangover. You know the guy who basically screws everything up in those movies.

They may disagree with each other. But both Batman and Superman believe that Silco must go for the good of the Sirica house.

Of course, we all know what happened to Lincoln. Nevertheless, this is pretty funny.

Don’t tell me he’s cutting off the mattress tag. They always instruct owners not to remove them for a reason.

Okay, so the dogs at him for being creepy. Sure it was a very naughty thing but I couldn’t blame them.

Did he just take a dump in that wine glass? Shouldn’t he go somewhere else like an elf toilet?

“Are you gonna take me home tonight ?/Ah down beside that red firelight/Are you gonna let it all hang out ?/Fat bottomed girls/You make the rockin’ world go round”

Hey, Noel, nice you can remind us why you’re late and all. But please, not in front of the kids.

Okay, is that “murder.” Jesus Christ, God help this family. Because Dinkler may be on the homicidal side.

Okay, I don’t think Barbie will like this. But Jingle Bell doesn’t seem to care one bit.

Yet, he could just as well be trying to light his farts. Either way, this really doesn’t bode well for him.

No, Crumby, you don’t pull a knife on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Hell, you don’t pull a knife on anybody.

Think Freckles has a very dirty mind and a bit of a smoking habit. Clearly, he’s not fit to monitor the Westover kids at this point.

Did he just get into Daddy’s condoms and lube? No, I don’t think that plastic thing is a hat, Grimler.

Apparently, he thought Miley’s VMA performance in 2013 was worth remembering. He is sorely mistaken.

Is Minter drinking and playing poker with Woody, Buzz, and Rex? Jesus, now my childhood is ruined.

But did they really have to decapitate a My Little Pony? That’s just a fucked up way to make an offer he can’t refuse.

I don’t know about you. But if he got this way through BDSM, he’s going be in big trouble after Christmas.

What’s with the Miley Cyrus routine? Then again, seems like the plushies like it which is disturbing.

Boy, is he going to be in for a world of trouble when Mr. Ruskin gets home. Hinkly ought to be ashamed of himself.

Dankles, just because the Grinch doesn’t like Christmas doesn’t mean you could kill him! And a la Dexter on top of presents? That’s fucked up!

What the hell is he doing to Santa? Why the hell is the Abominable Snowman taking pictures? This is messed up on so many levels.

Seems like Santa doesn’t treat his Elves on the Shelves too well. That or Elfie is such a prick. I don’t know how workplace relations are at the North Pole.

Guess this what happens to an Elf on the Shelf if they’ve behaved really naughty during the Christmas season. Perhaps it was for the best.

Of course, everyone should’ve know it would come to this. The Lego people were against him from the very beginning.

No, that’s not how you treat a sheep. Bestiality is depraved and wrong for a reason. And no, the animals don’t like it.

Is he licking that candy cane through a glory hole? Please don’t tell me it’s as dirty as it looks.

Uh, on second thought, maybe it’s better to pass. Because I don’t want to know what’s in it. Also, that looks like a finger.

Guess the toys have had enough with him that they put him in a blender and served him as a smoothie. Yes, that’s really sick, indeed.

On second thought, he spelled out “Satan.” And I’m not sure if he did it by accident.

He even wrote a ransom note for Ken in the meantime requesting unmarked bills to his lawyer. Or else, Barbie gets it. Ken, I think you might want to take the deal.

Queen Elsa is perhaps the last person he’d want to piss off right now. Because he’s now a giant ice cube. Hope he likes dealing with hypothermia.

Sure Batman doesn’t like killing, Rumple. But you must’ve done something really bad for him to hang you into the toilet.

No, don’t put him through the grater? Anything but the grater? Poor, Frosty.

I think it’s best that the Quincys no longer allow him access to their technology ever again. Seriously, he can no longer be trusted.

No, Finney, please don’t. Sure Tinkerbell is annoying, but that gives you no right to set her house on fire.

Guess whatever happens in Oz, stays in Oz. Or at least we hope. But it seems that Kingsley has made them an offer.

Oh, God, he did! And he’s saying that the Mullins family are next. They better call the police.

Did he just shoot Rudolph and hang him from sticks to drain the blood? Santa’s going to be furious.

And it seems the GI Joes had him drink a lot of beer in the meantime. Wait until Santa hears about this.

The Morrises knew that Linky was into making films. They didn’t know the kind of movies he made. Yes, he’s deep shit.

Okay, that’s really disgusting. But I’m sure it can be easily flushed away. Yeah, he’s got diarrhea real bad.

Jesus, did he ever learn from Elf on the Shelf school that the parents’ toys are strictly off limits? Seriously, he wouldn’t want to be caught dead with a dildo.

I hope it’s not for what I think it is. Though I’m probably right as far as I know.

Yes, what elves like Flicker are capable of doing is quite chilling during the Hunger Games. Peeta never stood a chance.

But saying while being near the knives? I really don’t like how this will go down.

Yet, from how I look at it, Jax wants Rudolph to be the main course. Poor Rudolph.

And it seems like this yeti likes to have his meat on the skillet. Not sure if he wants it rare, medium, or well done.

From what I could tell, he at least had 3 beers. Yeah, that’s what a night drinking can do to you.

Look, Boxy, I understand if Santa doesn’t pay you enough. But even if pot’s legal in Colorado, doesn’t mean you should be selling it. It might look bad in your next performance review.

Now everyone in there will be burnt to a crisp. Jesus, Marky, are you psycho or something?

Seems like Frinkle has a knife on him. And he’s out to kill. Stay on your guard.

Look, twerking is fine at the North Pole and all. But please, this is a family establishment here!

For the love of God, please don’t try lighting farts this time of year. That could cause a major house fire!

I believe Mrs. Tortini’s underwear drawer is strictly off limits. Seriously, Himey, you dare not go in there!

Don’t tell me he’s a male stripper on the side. God, makes me wonder how much Santa pays them.

You can wear the yellow suit and mustache all you want to. But you’ll still go on the naughty list for this year.

No, Trixie, you can’t cut the cat’s head off. That’s just sick and wrong on so many levels.

Not sure what I think about the cookies and milk bit. But that’s sure not a wholesome elf.

For some reason, it won’t end well with the family he’s staying with. Chances are you’ll regret being on his naughty list.

Okay, Winkles, that’s really not appropriate. Please keep your thoughts about Mrs. Bobbsey to yourself, thanks.

But this really goes way too far. For the love of God, please don’t pull the lever and start a fire drill.

Slave Leia, really? Hey, it’s okay to like Princess Leia. But a more modest costume is best.

Sorry, kids, but thanks to Bertie, lambkins is no more. I know it’s a real shame.

Looks like he’s dressed and ready for a crime spree. Okay, I think someone really needs to call the cops on him.

I think the Heaths are now shivering in dread at the moment. Yes, Mr. Jingles is dangerous.

Guess Frankle’s family is going to be incredibly pissed when they get home. Don’t like the sound of that.

Did they just kill Ken? Together? Jesus Christ, Santa won’t take this well from Glingle.

Oh, God, please don’t do anything to Gollum! All he wants is his precious the hobbitses stole from him.

No, kids, you don’t want to play with Ginger and Jenny. They want to kill you.

He should hope that this sink doesn’t have a garbage disposal. Because he won’t last long if it’s turned on.

Man, seems like they really get into playing strip poker at that house. Wait a minute?

Are they drinking beer and smoking pot? Hope marijuana’s legal wherever he is or he’s busted.

Did Stinker just behead Woody like that? Jesus, God Almighty. how could he?

He seems to like Fifty Shades of Grey a bit too much. And now he’s experimenting BDSM on Barbies.

Let’s hope he’s just birdwatching or stargazing shall we? Because I really don’t want to think he’s spying on the neighbors as a peeping tom.

Now it seems that Glinko and his friends are about to become a prehistoric banquet. Yeah, it doesn’t look good.

It seems that Waddly more than likely killed someone he thought deserved it. Sorry, but vigilantism is a crime for a reason.

However, from how I see it, he looks as if he’s trying to break into one. Someone call the cops.

And it seems like she’s copying an image of her own ass. Now that’s just real immature.

And the small metal bottles, too. Seriously, Crinker needs help. Does the North Pole have any 12 step programs?

And he seems to put a screwdriver in the baby’s bassinet. Nothing good can come of this.

Please don’t hang on the mother’s tits. I don’t care how you might find her attractive. That’s just wrong.

However, Minkler doesn’t really seem to give a shit, does he? Guess he’ll have to face a disciplinary hearing when he gets back to the North Pole.

Uh-oh, seems like Grimpleskins is trying to commit a highway robbery near the living room couch. Might be time to buy some toy police to arrest his ass.

Okay, they’re not snuggling. Nothing to see here, kids. Oh, come on, can’t you just keep it in your pants and save it for the North Pole for God’s sake?

Why did he have to poison himself? Why? Was that kid really such a brat? Or was the job just too hard?

Boy, someone’s going to get in trouble with the authorities tonight. Man, Trimmer really has no idea what the hell he’s getting into here.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Robinson, have to cheat on your husband with Clinker here. Just you wait until your hubby and kiddies come home from Christmas shopping for your present.

No, Bimble Bob, being at the Ellertons home is no way to get some free mustache rides. Seriously, you’re a complete and utter perv.

Good God, Winklekins, you’re a monster! Burying Barbie out in the yard like that makes you a sick son of a bitch. You’ll pay for this.

“All right, Suzie, now show me your tits. Yeah, I’m liking this. Now stay still until I get this down on canvas. It’ll be for my private enjoyment.”

Jesus Christ, he killed Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer! You bastard! Wait until Santa Claus hears about this! Boy, are you gonna be in North Pole jail after this season.

Man, you’re a sick elf, Timble. Looking up the tree angel’s dress. Have you no decency?

Holy shit! He’s captured them and is liquifying them to death in a blender! And he doesn’t seem to have an ounce of remorse over doing so.

And he seems to have made off with Mrs. Pirelli’s purse when she’s looking to buy something for her husband. What an asshole. Someone call security.

Oh, Mittleskins, what did you do to upset Lord Vader? Well, whatever it is, I’m afraid no one can help you now. Yeah, Vader isn’t a guy who takes mischief lightly.

Yeah, Pebbles somehow had the other two elves taped to the wall by the other toys for their misconduct. But it’s possible that he’s more evil than either of them.

Oh, dear. You mean she’s the one who killed those people with a meat cleaver? Good God, what the hell’s wrong with the North Pole background check system?

Ollie, how many Jose Cuervos did you have? Yeah, I think you might’ve had enough for one night. Yeah, take a rest will you?

Yes, Dinkles, the Henslers might be nice people. But that doesn’t mean you should put yourself in their picture frames. Seriously, you need psychiatric help.

Oh, is he going to let air out of the tires. Now that can’t be good. Seriously, he needs to stay out of the garage at all times.

Hey, Woody, before you pour some Sam Adams to Plinkie through the funnel, may I suggest you call an intervention? I think he might have a drinking problem.

Uh, I think Jangles has been watching too much Dexter lately. Yeah, I think murdering a gnome for vigilante justice is taking things a little too far.

Uh, Crinkler, those aren’t candy. Those are medicines, possibly coming from a prescription. They’re not for you.

Unfortunately, the game in question is beer pong, which isn’t good for your liver. Yeah, these two are going to be wasted by sunrise.

And it seems that Finney is really messing up with the Trojans by sticking pins through them. Yeah, you probably shouldn’t do that and I’m sure Mr. and Mrs. Templeton won’t appreciate it.

Oh, my God, how could you do this, Brumpet? You’re a sick elf all right. I think the family might need to talk to Santa about this incident.

Let’s hope whatever Rimple said on the toilet roll doesn’t pertain to murder or the apocalypse. Yeah, he’s not quite right in the head to get my drift.

Unfortunately, it’s the place with the pole dancing Barbie strippers. And when he has more dough, it’s said that he even pays for lap dances.

“Yes, Betty, that’s a nice rack you have. Now, ladies, let’s get down to business. Please don’t keep me waiting till Christmas Eve because I want my presents early this year.”

Oh, I really have a bad feeling about this. I think Tony just might have murder on the mind by the looks of it.

Oh, shit, now he needs some medical attention, if he’s still alive. He should’ve been looking both ways before the vacuum rammed into him.

No, Mr. Harris, your barber didn’t mess up this time. Trust me. Your wife could swear it was certainly Brimbles did it while you were sleeping.

Yeah, if your browser history is unusually filled with elf porn, you might need to call Santa. Then again, I’m sure there aren’t elf women like that at the North Pole anyway.

Let’s hope he’s not watching from the parents’ room. Because that would basically make him a peeping tom. Yeah, I think everyone deserves privacy now and then.

Yeah, I’m sure Mrs. Gillespie will be very impressed by you doing cocaine on her kitchen counter, Trippy. She’ll probably call the cops and tell them all about it. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Is he doing to Santa what I think he’s doing? And what the hell is Sam the Snowman? Oh, never mind. Still, this is just so disturbing on multiple levels.

And ti seems like Dinkler here just had to get some gingerbread to wreck everything. How nice. And he seems to have a little grin on his face.

Unfortunately, he tends to have very terrible taste in quality entertainment. And as you see, he’s one sick and twisted individual. Yeah, I’m sure Santa will be pleased (sarcasm).

I’m not sure what Trinkles did to be tied down by the Lego people. But whatever it is, I’m sure the Lego people viewed it pretty serious.

And tied down, I’m not kidding to say the least. Yes, Hermy has tied him down with some string and duck tape. And he plans to flatten him with a rolling pin. This can’t be good.

Did Timmy just murder Mr. Wilson in the kitchen and took a selfie? Seriously, that is just sick! Yeah, might want to call the authorities.

I think those might be tampons. I’m positive. And no, Phil, they’re not for you to play with. Seriously, it’s a personal item.

Okay, now a paper snowflake can have many designs. Now those look like a massive waste of paper because they’re too inappropriate for children to see.

Yeah, pot might be legal in Colorado. But that doesn’t mean you should smoke some bong while you’re watching the Griggs’ children during the holiday season.

Uh, can someone give Blitzer the memo that enhanced interrogation techniques don’t work like they do in Hollywood? Just saying. Also, someone should call Santa over this.

Oh, she’s reading the Fifty Shades Trilogy. Yeah, not the kind of book I’d expect from an Elf on the Shelf.

Yeah, I think Plinko might be a bit of a perv or have some sort a fetish. Wonder if it’s because looking at his fellow lady elves’ underwear makes him look way too creepy to his peers.

Wait a minute, he’s doing crack, right? Okay, I think this guy really needs help because that stuff is highly addictive.

Okay, is it just me or is Flaker making some side money on toy figure trafficking? Someone might want to call the Toyland authorities on this guy along with Santa.

“Sorry, bub, but I just happen to be a Greenbay Packers fan, thank you very much. Now let’s light ’em so to speak.”

Sorry, but making a sleigh from a case and beer cans isn’t really appropriate for a family Christmas. Also, there aren’t 12 reindeer and they all don’t have red noses.

Now that doesn’t look good. Yeah, dog licking Bringle’s ass while he’s on the snow globe. Nothing to see here, kids.

Of course, Ningle’s idea of a Malibu Barbie is some Malibu rum and a bunch of Barbies in a blender. Now that’s just sick.

Well, at least Icky didn’t get frozen in carbonite. Then again, what’s going for him can’t be great either.

Apparently, Quinty seemed to have given some boy’s soldier doll some wrong ideas about Christmas. And he’s basically gone full action movie commando on his ass.

Interesting how they tend to defecate chocolate chips. Still, would it be disgusting if I scooped some from the candle and ate it? Probably.

Of course, Biggles might be damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t in this situation. Still, this is just so hard to see.

And he seems to be wielding a big ass knife. Guess Winkyskins wasn’t as right in the head as we thought.

Looks like Hinky must have the grizzly shits real bad this time that he’s pooping Hershey’s kisses. Yeah, seems very unappetizing does it?

Hey, is that the Mike Tyson tattoo Stu got from the Hangover 2? Yeah, really not a good idea if you ask me.

Let’s just say if you knew knew your toothbrush was immersed in toilet water, you’d probably get another one. Yeah, it’s pretty gross to brush your teeth after your toothbrush has been through that.

I think Rover might wake up in the process if Triggles isn’t too careful. Still, clipping claws really not a good idea.

Oh, so that’s how they’re made. Makes me never want to eat a tootsie roll again. Yeah, really gross if you think about it.

I think the train might be a little too small to run Barbie over. I mean it’s all a matter of weight ratios here.

Okay, now that’s not cool. Seriously, that’s just downright creepy. Sorry, kids, but he won’t be back next Christmas season.

Yeah, I’m sure Jangles is going to be in big trouble. I mean there’s a Hulk down below. And you don’t want to get Hulk angry.

Of course, I can understand Buzz taping the elf to the cabinet. Sorry, but Gussy kind of gives me the creeps if you ask me.

And he just had to behead the Gingerbread Man. Still, didn’t know that they bled. Wasn’t expecting that.

Yes, Gringy just had to behead 2 Barbies and strangle Bell with a shower hose. Now that’s just lovely. Actually, that’s disturbing.

Let me guess, the dead elf is Julius Caesar, right? How can I guess? Also, shouldn’t the other two Ken dolls also have knives?

Man, seems like Inky has put Gracie in a real shitty hostage situation. Really should tell Santa about that. Seriously, you should.

Boy, is he such a perv and a peeping tom. Let’s hope when Ken gets home, he’s going to nail Trinker’s ass to kingdom come.

Sorry, but a nylon stocking doesn’t construe facial features. That’s just a fact. Also, I’m sure those jewels aren’t as worth as much as Hinkle thinks. I bet any money on that.

Of course, Jinxer is bound to return totally high on ecstasy and totally wasted on alcohol. Then again, he’s probably just wearing glow stick bracelets. But still.

This is especially true when Gwinnet puts laxatives in Mr. Tishel’s morning coffee. Sorry, Mr. Tishel, but probably don’t have diarrhea.

Wonder what Klinky did now that made the nutcracker soldiers tape him to a panel and guard him. Must have been pretty bad if you ask me.

Well, wouldn’t anyone who’s not a 4-6 year old girl? Seriously, I think this is fairly demented if you ask me.

Hmm….Ingles is smoking a cigarette. Now that’s a naughty elf. Hope he likes to have his lungs full of tar and an early death to lung cancer.

Of course, he should note that Han shot first. Just so you know. Still, I wouldn’t think being held over from a gas burner as very pleasant.

Yeah, what a sick and twisted elf Tringletoes is. And you think he’s an upstanding because he has to report naughty things on kids to Santa. What a hypocrite.

Man, Belmer really has a dirty imagination if you ask me. You have to wonder if they have such smut all the time at the North Pole nowadays.

Uh, Hanky, I really don’t think those are tic-tacs. Definitely not tic-tacs. And I’m sure Mrs. McElroy is bound to be pissed when she finds out.

Of course, he only gets a few weeks a year to bang these Barbie bitches so Crumpet just wants to make the most of it.

Crinkles didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose him. Still, he seems decked in aluminum bling with a cup and a grill to match with the watch around his neck.

It’s very unlikely that Mom’s new Hyundai Elantra and Dad’s Toyota Truck will never be seen again after this Christmas Eve. Still, I kind of suspect that Sugar Bear might be cheating or counting cards.

Looks like Dangles is going to get in deep trouble once Ken finds out that he’s screwing his girlfriend. Still, at least he wasn’t with GI Joe’s main squeeze. Now that’s a doll you don’t want to mess with.

Let’s hope that Johnny’s parents don’t catch Kringles masturbating in the middle of the night. He’ll never be an Elf on the Shelf next year if he’s caught doing a Pee Wee Herman, again.

Seems like Pattykins will be totally wasted the next morning after a night of drinking at the Barbie Dolls’ all night bikini party.

Still, little did Sourball take in mind is that you have less of a chance winning the lottery than being hit by a meteor. I’d also say that winning odds are similar with the Powerball as well.

Of course, for his oven baked Smurfs entree in the toaster oven, Shrimpy will be assisted by traitorous Smurf Chef, “Cannibal.”

I’m sure this rendition of the popular Miley Cyrus music video as well as hit song will not sit well with Santa at the North Pole at all.

I don’t know about you but shouldn’t anyone be concerned whenever there’s an Elf on the Shelf who enjoys graphically violent and possibly pornographic video games? Seriously, think of the children here.

Missy’s latest homicidal rampage on snowmen might be the last straw for Santa if he receives word of it at the North Pole. Yes, this girl’s very vicious with a gun and a sword.

Looks like Dexter won’t show any mercy to even serial killing Elves on the Shelf. This is especially true if he’s known to kill three Barbie doll hookers, Dora the Explorer, and Cinderella. Yes, this is one sick elf.

Men, I know this comes from an SNL sketch and sometimes don’t put a lot of thought of getting gifts for your girlfriends. However, understand giving her your “dick in a box” is a very, very bad idea. You might want to stick to giving her something like jewelry this Christmas instead.

Well, Holly needs to supplement her income somehow. She can’t live on the meager Elf on the Shelf salary she’s been receiving and her male co-workers are paid in so much more.

Yet, I’m not sure if Elsie’s idea of relaxation method of lounging in a denim skirt and sandals while drinking Jim Beam will go well with Santa at the North Pole.

Just between you and me, I’m sure the Dobby in Harry Potter is much cuter than this creepy elf. At least that Dobby didn’t urinate anywhere in his masters’ house as far as I know.

I bet you Mrs. Fluglesburg is going to be pissed when she tries to put in her contacts in the morning. Naughty, Flickers!

And I see that Pringles has enough money to burn for Frankenstein’s daughter’s pole dancing routine. Shouldn’t an Elf on the Shelf keep away from such joints?

Of course, I hope Snowball’s fascination with what is better suited for a titty bar doesn’t amount to anything inappropriate. Or did I say that too soon?

Oh, my God, that’s really sick. Now I guess their toothbrushes are all covered in elf shit, this family might need to go to Wal Mart or Big Lots.

Now Noggy isn’t just in trouble with Santa and the North Pole, he’ll also have to deal with the wrath of God on top of that. Really, God really doesn’t take sexual harassment toward angels very lightly. And that angel will report him.

So when Hingle is talking about crabs, is he referring to those stuffed crabs or? Oh, my God, he didn’t did he? Jesus Christ! Well, at least he’s honest.

Oh, my God, don’t tell me that Thistlewhite has started his own crystal meth business! Seriously, we may need to report him for this before there’s a meth problem among the toys.

Seems like there will be one less Elf on the Shelf returning to the North Pole this Christmas Eve. Of course, the Abominable Snowman can’t wait to eat some delicious elf ribs.

Looks like we need to report this to Santa Claus. Also, that paint huffing can’t be good for Glitter Bug’s magic.