A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Mr. Bad Example”

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Count Olaf then claims that he wasn’t just waiting for the Baudelaires to arrive in his clutches. For he’s been doing terrible shit all his life and knows things they can’t even imagine. Of course, this isn’t surprising, but Lemony Snicket does give details in his Unauthorized Autobiography. The kids claim they’re not interested, but he’s aware that they want to know more since they’ve always been curious children. After all, the Baudelaires were raised to be curious and get into situations which they probably could’ve gotten out of if they didn’t have the curiosity to find out and get to the bottom of things (like saving their friends or solving their problems). And they certainly want to know what makes their archenemy tick as well as how involved the Baudelaire parents were in bringing him to where he is now. Nonetheless, it’s pretty clear that Olaf is tempting the Baudelaires into letting him so they run round the large book stack and try to come up with a different plan. Yet, you have to wonder if they’ll go along with Olaf like in the Penultimate Peril.

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Anyway, since I know that Count Olaf is a braggart, I used Warren Zevon’s “Mr. Bad Example,” which is about a man who’s basically cut from the same cloth from him. Yet, I took out some of the lyrics involving the guy swindling the bald and hiding out in some Third World country. In this version, I left a lot of the original intact since despite that I’m not sure if Olaf served as an altar boy or worked in his dad’s carpet store, you can totally see him doing these things. Yet, I also put some stuff about his acting career and V.F.D.

 

“Mr. Bad Example” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Count Olaf

I started as an altar boy, working at the church
Learning all my holy moves, doing some research
Which led me to a cash box, labeled “Children’s Fund”
I’d leave the change, and tuck the bills inside my cummerbund

I got a part-time job at my father’s carpet store
Laying tackless stripping, and housewives by the score
I loaded up their furniture, and took it to Spokane
And auctioned off every last Naugahyde divan

I’m very well acquainted with the seven deadly sins
I keep a busy schedule trying to fit them in
I’m proud to be a glutton, and I don’t have time for sloth
I’m greedy, and I’m angry, and I don’t care who I cross

I’m Mr. Bad Example, intruder in the dirt
I like to have a good time, and I don’t care who gets hurt
I’m Mr. Bad Example, take a look at me
I’ll live to be a hundred, and go down in infamy

I then went to drama school took a theater degree
And driven all my colleagues to mad insanity
Then strangled some bishop, threw a widow off a cliff
Before escaping prison in ten minutes after being stiffed

Then on to Monte Carlo to play chemin de fer
I threw away the fortune I stole under the Montclairs
I put my last few francs down on a prostitute
Who took me up to her room to perform the flag salute

Whereupon I stole her passport and her wig
And headed for the airport and the midnight flight, you dig?
And fourteen hours later I was down in Adelaide
Raking through the rich folks drinking Merlot in the shade

I set fire to my critics who panned me too many times
Often killed kids’ parents, mainly in disguise
Whenever I steal their fortunes, I take a whopping cut
I whisked away my troupe’s earned comp and pauperize the lot

I’m Mr. Bad Example, intruder in the dirt
I like to have a good time, and I don’t care who gets hurt
I’m Mr. Bad Example, take a look at me
I’ll live to be a hundred and go down in infamy

I started V.F.D.’s schism for my noxious airs
And started several fires none the worse for wear
I’m thinking of exposing them all to these helmet spores
And stealing their outrigger and leave the island’s shores

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