However, Finn and Erewhon had no idea that they sent the Baudelaires on an errand similar to sending a kid to the candy store with a request to buy the worst candy that’s hardest to find. For the arboretum contains all the stuff that washed ashore that Ishmael had hauled away which include junk, books, and even foodstuffs. As Snicket describes it, “Stretched out as far as the eye could see were pile of objects, heaps of items, towers of evidence, bales of materials, clusters of details, stacks of substances, hordes of pieces, arrays of articles, constellations of details, galaxies of stuff, and universes of things – an accumulation, an aggregation, a compilation, a concentration, a crowd, a herd, a flock, and a register of seemingly everything on Earth.” There’s so much Violet can use to invent, plenty for Klaus to read, and a lot for Sunny to cook. But before they get too distracted, they try to locate some weapons (though I don’t see why Violet could just make some). Then Inky heads of to search for something, leading the children to discover Ishmael’s footprints and the fact he’s been sneaking inside the arboretum on a regular basis. He even uses a periscope to predict the weather. Yet, what truly astonishes them is what they find in the Captain’s Log, which not just includes Ishmael’s entries, but also those by, wait for it…their parents.

Naturally, I went with Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” in which Joel recounts the events over the first 50 years of his life or at least prior to the release of Stormfront. In this version the Baudelaires recount all the stuff they found in the arboretum which corresponds to their respective hobbies (well, Violet and Klaus’s anyway).

 

“In the Arboretum”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
Lone propeller, roller skates, sledge hammer, window pane
Bunsen burner, safety razor, handheld radio
Welding torches, air condition, water filter, television
Sewing needles, ferret feeders, mini stereo

Klaus:
Thesaurus, Voltaire, Moby Dick, Baudelaire
Mark Twain, Coraline, and the Catcher in the Rye
Vonnegut, Racine, lyrics by Bruce Springsteen
Magic Mountain, Harry Potter, Santayana, Oh my

Both:
In the arboretum
Ismael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

Violet:
Power engine, steering wheel, chainsaw, movie reel
Solar panels, Citronellas, and some concrete blocks
Flotsam, mobile phone, coffee maker, Dacron
Gear box car parts, and grandfather clock
Corkscrew, high beams, got some cans of gasoline
Velvet painting, soda cans, Rolex wristwatch, grabber hands
Stove top, microwave, lighter fluid, black lights
Ankle brace, tatted lace, and a pair of knee highs

Both:
In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

Klaus:
Bradbury, Pasternak, Victor Hugo, Kerouac
Steinbeck, Private Lives, Bridge on the River Kwai
In Cold Blood, Wildfell Hall, Maltese Falcon, Carroll
Scarlet Letter, Bill of Rights, Carrie, and E. B. White…

Godfather, Ben-Hur, Hunger Games, Mockingbird
Dan Handler, Puzo, Twilight Saga, oh, no
Eco, Tennessee, Fitzgerald, Capote
Henry Addams, Thoreau, Stephen King’s Cujo

Both:
In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

Klaus:
Hemingway, Hamlet, Stranger in a Strange Land
Dylan, Webster’s, Orwell, Stevenson
Lawrence of Arabia, set of Encyclopedias
Whitman, Blackmore, Bibles, James Patterson

London, Malcolm X, Beauvoir’s Second Sex
Agnes Grey, The Brontes, what else do I have to say?

Both:
In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

Violet:
Plane controls, Sunny’s whisk, cocktail mixer, airplane wing
Black box, car parts, water can, flintlocks
Small tins, engines, wirelines, a can filled with shoe shine
Staplers, pencils and tin cans, cutlery and ceiling fans
Bedframe springboards, Christmas lights, generators, 409
Pinking shears, machine gears, nails, tacks, typewriters
Cameras, cell phones, tiled floors, Klaus’s commonplace book
Worn out couches, driftwood doors, oh my god, there’s so much more

Both:
In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
There is stuff galore
While there’s still more, and more, and more,
And more, and more, and more, and more…

In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it