There’s a lot of interesting things going on in the Hotel Denouement. Aside from the main action pertaining to the Baudelaires, you’re bound to find all kinds of intrigue. You find an ambidextrous man on a walkie talkie who’s most likely Kevin. There’s a housekeeper removing a disguise and drilling a hole behind an ornamental vase to look at “elevator cables.” Another makes a discovery of how to read Hebrew in mirror writing. Then there’s a family looking for a doily over nearly a decade and are unaware it’s in that very hotel. There is even a family of 4 kids at the beach about to receive some very bad news, which we can surmise has to do with their parents and a fire. And you know where that’s going.

The song I used is Elvis Costello’s “Watching the Detectives” which is about a lover who would rather watch TV, particularly cop shows. It’s filled with film noir tropes like detectives, cigarettes, guns, and dames. In this version, I have the Baudelaires singing about having to spy on the Hotel Denouement guests while running errands for them.

“Watching the Hotel Guests”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
Ambidext man on walkie talkie
Housekeeper’s at the sixth story
Drilled eye holes behind a vase
Examining cables holding elevators in place

Both:
We’re watching the hotel guests
Don’t get cute
We’re watching the hotel guests
Just keep mute, mute, mute, mute
Not sure if we can trust the manager
Cause we’re never so sure which twin’s here

Klaus:
Man reads Hebrew in mirror write
Visible shivers running down my spine
Banker picking up a one-way phone
Family looks for doily for hell God only knows
I take a pee break, write in commonplace book
Yet, there’s just so many things just worth a look
I don’t know how much more of this I can take
Those four kids don’t know what’s awaiting their fate

Both:
We are watching the hotel guests
Don’t get cute
We are just watching the hotel guests
Just keep mute, mute, mute, mute
Not sure if we can trust the manager
Cause we’re never so sure which twin’s here

Klaus:
You think you’re alone until some guest is ringing
This is such a busy day. You’re not sure what to listen.
They expect you just to show up within a New York Minute
Someone’s scratching at the window. I wonder who is it?
Your feet are tired when you wait on tired parents
While you put up with the worst of your charges’ constant ramblings
Even as my I write down whatever they do or say
Doesn’t bring me closer to finding it out anyway

Both:
We are watching the hotel guests
Don’t get cute
We are just watching the hotel guests
Just keep mute, mute, mute, mute
We can’t even trust the hotel manager
Cause we’re never so sure which twin’s here
Watching the hotel guests
We are just watching the hotel guests

Watching the hotel guests…