Just as the Baudelaires go into the taxi, Kit Snicket immediately tells the kids they need to go to brunch, disguise themselves as concierges, and to start making “observations as flaneurs.” She then goes into the history of V.F.D. which was once a fire-fighting organization until a faction split from the group to do more nefarious deeds. She tells the kids there are more bad people than they might realize including the Man with Beard But No Hair and the Woman with Hair But No Beard. Since enemies are everywhere. And that it’s possible she can pick one up once in awhile. Also, that she slipped the Baudelaire parents poison darts under Esme Squalor’s nose. Then Kit starts driving erratically, spinning the car around and through the bushes at the edge of the road. Just in time to reveal that she’s pregnant (and at full term) and that she shouldn’t engage in car chases. Also, that she’s distraught but that’s because her brother Jacques was murdered and her other brother Lemony is believed dead and MIA as far as we know.

The song I chose for her intro is “Private Eyes” by Hall and Oates, which compares the challenges of romance to cloak-and-dagger detective work. Their music video even depicts the men wearing detective outfits, which they didn’t like making but knew it served well promoting their music. In this version, I have Kit meeting the Baudelaires and discussing V.F.D.

“V.F.D., They’re Watching You”

Sung by Kit Snicket

I see you, you see me
Come and climb in my car
As I drive you kids to the city
Oh, kids, you’ve got to know
That we’ve got to have brunch
Before you dress in your new disguise
As concierges
You will go work there

V.F.D.
They’re watching you
They see your every move
V.F.D.
They’re watching you
V.F.D.
They’re watching you
Watching you
Watching you
Watching you

We put out fires
Yet since we split
One side keeps starting them
As we take them out
‘Cos kids
You’ve got to know
That good can be more
Strong than those
Gone bad
Sometimes you’ve been had
Better go watch your backs

V.F.D.
They’re watching you
They see your every move
V.F.D.
They’re watching you
V.F.D.
They’re watching you
Watching you
Watching you
Watching you

Sorry if I’m driving like a crazy chick
Since I’m knocked up and depressed as shit
Let’s go and have some brunch
Before we go
To the hotel

V.F.D.
They’re watching you
They see your every move
Oh, kids, V.F.D.
They’re watching you
V.F.D.
They’re watching you, yeah
They see your every move
They see it
Ooooh, they’re watching you
V.F.D.
They’re watching you…