Before I go on with my musical for A Series of Unfortunate Events, I’d like to warn my viewers that there will be major spoilers ahead for those who’ve watched the Netflix series but haven’t read the books from this point on. As of May 2018, its third season is in production as we speak and won’t be out until next year. So if you don’t want to be spoiled right now, I’d recommend you don’t see read my ASOUE song parodies after The Carnivorous Carnival. Thank you.

When we left off, Count Olaf had just kidnapped Sunny as he and his henchmen headed up toward the Mortmain Mountains, leaving Violet and Klaus trapped on a rapidly moving caravan with contents flying around them while whizzing to almost certain death. Immediately Violet and Klaus shed their two-headed person costume while the elder takes charge of the situation. Violet hangs hammocks out the door to use as a drag chute while Klaus mixes in whatever he finds in the kitchen to pour onto the wheels slowing it down enough for them to get out. Once that’s done, Violet and Klaus haul a table out to bring the caravan to a stop. Turns out, if they didn’t stop the caravan in time, the elder Baudelaires would’ve easily fell to their deaths. Yet, as soon as Violet and Klaus get out, the caravan rolls toward the edge of a cliff before it falls and hits the bottom with a quiet crash. Let’s just say, these two narrowly escaped that one.

The song I decided to use for this moment is Queen’s “Headlong.” Written by lead guitarist Brian May, it was released as a single in 1991 for its Innuendo album. They also shot the promotional music video for it some 12 months before lead singer Freddie Mercury died of AIDS. The original version is about rushing into something head first without preparation or thinking of the consequences. In this version, the elder Baudelaires are sort of rushing headlong though it has more to do with being on a moving caravan heading toward a cliff than anything. While Violet and Klaus try to stop it before they fall along with it.

 

“Headlong” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
And we’re rushing headlong down from a steep hill
And we’re rushing headlong out of control
And we think we’re so strong
But there ain’t no stopping and there’s nothin’
You can do about it
Nothin’ you can do
No there’s nothin’ you can do about it
No there’s nothin’ you can, nothin’ you can
Nothin’ you can do about it

Klaus:
And we’re rushing headlong down from a steep hill
And we’re rushing headlong out of control
And we think we’re so strong
But there ain’t no stopping and there’s nothin’
You can do about it
Yeah

Klaus:
Vi, we really need a plan to stop this caravan

Violet:
Hoop diddy diddy hoop diddy do

Klaus:
The contents are already flying around us, man

Violet:
Hoop diddy diddy hoop diddy do

Now it’s time to shed our freak disguise
Gotta make a drag chute, because a brake won’t fly
Help me with the hammocks
Cause we can’t be picky since I’m hanging them out
But we really need something stick

Both:
Headlong down the steep slope and we’re rushing
Headlong out of control
And we think we’re so strong
But there ain’t no stopping and you can’t stop rockin’
And there’s nothin’ you can, nothin’ you can
Nothin’ you can do about it

Klaus:
Got a wide array of condiments in this cabinet

Violet:
Hoop diddy diddy hoop diddy do (ho)

Klaus:
You got everything from hot mustard to blackstrap molasses

Violet:
Hoop diddy diddy hoop diddy do

Mix them altogether in a bowl large and round
Then throw the mix on the wheels to slow them down
I’m using the Sumac for tying these hammocks
Haul a table out the door
As a brake to stop, its rushing headlong

Both:
Headlong out of control, yeah
We think we’re so strong
There ain’t no stopping and there’s nothin’ you, nothin’ you
Nothin’ you can do about it at all

Yeah yeah alright go

And it’s rushing headlong down a steep hill
And it’s rushing headlong out of control
And we think we’re so strong
But there ain’t no stopping
There’s nothin’, nothin’, nothin’ you can do about it, yeah
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ha ha
Headlong
Yeah yeah
Headlong
Yeahaw
Headlong