A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Caravan”


After setting the carnival on fire, Count Olaf leads the elder Baudelaires to his car where Sunny is sitting on Esme’s lap supposedly crying or screaming. He tells them to ride in the caravan, which Violet hitches with her Devil’s Tongue knot as well as that he blamed the fire on the Baudelaires (though setting the place aflame was his idea). After Violet and Klaus hop into the caravan and Olaf’s henchmen in the car, they depart the carnival for the Mortmain Mountains. Yet, during the trip as they head up the slopes, Count Olaf reveals to the Baudelaires that Madame Lulu told them who they were and that he has Sunny in his clutches to raise until she comes of age. And since he doesn’t need Violet and Klaus anymore, he sees no need to keep pulling the caravan with them inside. So the freaks form a human chain and cut the rope with a big knife as the elder Baudelaires helplessly watch from the window. As a result, Sunny is now Count Olaf’s hostage as he and his crew drive up the Mortmain Mountains while her older siblings are being rushed down a slope in a caravan to their deaths. If you want to find out what happens, read the next book.


The song I selected here is “Teacher” by Jethro Tull. The original version tells the story of a socially awkward guy who buys a plane ticket from a more jovial man so they can go on vacation together. However, the freeloader has all the fun while the narrator ends up as neurotic as ever. In this version, I have Count Olaf having the Baudelaires come with him on a drive to the Mortmain Mountains before revealing Olivia’s betrayal and having the freaks cut the rope to the caravan with Violet and Klaus inside.



Sung by Count Olaf

Well, the fire is burning,
The carnival is in disarray,
Seems like you found the right map,
Location’s coded as a stain.
It’s from a lesson
That I learned as a small boy,
You’ll be at my discretion
Since you don’t have any choice.

Go in the caravan,
Chabo goes with me.
Tie the cart to my car so we all can flee.
Going up to the Mortmain Mountain range
I’ve told the Punctilio the Baudelaires are to blame.

Chabo’s now on Esme’s lap,
While the knot is rather tight.
Use this walkie talkie,
Now let’s get things started right.

C’mon, I’ll start the car while you’re the caravan,
We’ll get to the Mortmain Mountains from the Hinterlands.
So sit tight, it’ll be all right, say what’s on your mind
Since I’m pulling you, so you won’t be far behind.

Though I have to tell you
That Lulu made me aware
That you two and Chabo
Are the three Baudelaires.

Since I have your sis, no need to pull this caravan,
Come on, freaks, cut off this rope so we get ahead.
Vi and Klaus, nice working with you but we ought to scram
So I hope you two don’t sweat it, rolling to your death.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s