As Klaus and Sunny try to look for Violet, Count Olaf goes on the intercom to make things more hopeless for Violet by announcing that shortly Heimlich Hospital will play host to, “the world’s first cranioectomy on a fourteen-year-old girl.” Well, Klaus and Sunny figure out that Olaf intends to behead Violet in front of an audience. Since it’s a very real possibility that Violet could be decapitated if they don’t act soon, Klaus decides he and Sunny can’t just visit random patients. So they get a list of patients from one of the volunteers and hide in a supply closet. He and his baby sister then realize that Violet is in the surgical ward under a fake name, which is the anagram. Through rearranging the letters from a can of alphabet soup they come up with Laura V. Bleediote.

The song I chose for this part is ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” Of course, the original isn’t about cutting a teenage girl’s head off. Quite the opposite, in fact. Basically it pertains to a girl who can dance the night away with different guys. Still, it’s a certified disco hit. In this version, I have Count Olaf announce the cranioectomy while Klaus and Sunny try to figure out where Violet is so they can prevent the “procedure.” Also, it’s pretty funny to imagine Count Olaf doing disco.

“Cranioectomy”

Sung by Count Olaf (as Dr. Mattathias Medicalschool) and Klaus Baudelaire

Count Olaf:
Ooh
Hey Heimlich
It’s Mattathias
Big operation tonight
Ooh, on a girl
Who’s fourteen
World’s first cranioectomy

Klaus:
Cranioectomy the hell is that?
Don’t think Vi would enjoy that
-Ectomy is Latin for cutting
Cranio- means head
Jesus, she could be dead!
Got to go find the right disguise
Supply closet’s great place to hide
Still don’t know where Vi is
Got to buy some time
Her name’s not even on the list
Where do I go from this?

Count Olaf:
For cranioectomy
At OT
It’s a must-see
Worth a scream
Go right to see the cranioectomy, oh yeah
Hey Heimlich
It’s Mattathias
Big operation tonight
Ooh, on a girl
Who’s fourteen
World’s first cranioectomy

Klaus:
She’s listed under a different name
An anagram from what Duncan says
Rearrange the letters
Tin of soup will do
We now need to act real fast
Laura V. Bleediote’s our chance

Count Olaf:
For cranioectomy
At OT
It’s a must-see
Worth a scream
Go right to see the cranioectomy, oh yeah
Hey Heimlich
It’s Mattathias
Big operation tonight
Ooh, on a girl
Who’s fourteen
World’s first cranioectomy
World’s first cranioectomy