After finding the Fickle Ferry closed due to Hurricane Herman to get across Lake Lachrymose, the Baudelaires decide to steal a sailboat from Captain Sham’s Sailboat Rentals. Though to be fair, I think Count Olaf killed the real rental boat owner and took over the business as a front. Anyway, since the gates to the docks are locked, they have to steal them from the obese Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender posing as a security guard. While Sunny succeeds in getting the keys, the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender wakes up and picks up all of them in a struggle before slipping on an atlas. This gives them time to escape, grab the atlas, and steal the sailboat. The kids then sail through Hurricane Herman, the Raucous Rocks, the Wicked Whirlpool before entering the calm of the Lavender Lighthouse near Curdled Cave. And all without no leech problems of any kind.

Best number for this part would be Billy Joel’s “Downeaster Alexa,” which refers to a fishing boat. But it tells the story of an impoverished fisherman struggling to keep his boat amid the decline of the fishing industry. He sings about fish stock depletion and environmental regulations that make it more difficult for him to survive, especially since his home Long Island and other islands in the New England are being converted to summer homes for rich people. Still, it decries the plight of the Long Island Baymen, representing a dying breed of people who like small rural farmers, work with the environment to provide for their families. Yet, are being forced out of their livelihoods by “industrial” factory overfishing destroying traditional fishing grounds along with the creep of urban society and government regulation. Joel was always sympathetic to these hardworking people on the sea and even got arrested in a protest supporting them. Also, the boat in the song is named after his daughter Alexa Ray and his own boat. In this version, I have the Baudelaire children steal the sailboat from Sham’s rental service and navigating through Hurricane Herman on Lake Lachrymose.

“Downeaster Alexa” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
Well, we stole the Downeaster Alexa
And we’re sailing through Lake Lachrymose
We’ll need to go through Hurricane Herman
And tonight we are Curdled Cave bound

Fickle Ferry’s shut down due to hurricane
So we went to Sham’s rentals in Damocles Bay
A bolt of lightning wrecked Aunt Josie’s home
We had to leave and prick those keys from Olaf’s drone

Klaus:
So we could steal the Downeaster Alexa
And we go where the waters are deep
There are leeches out there in the center
And a good captain can’t fall asleep

Olaf’s on to us and he’s now with Mr. Poe
We know Aunt Jo’s out there but where, God only knows
They say these waters aren’t what they used to be
But there are people back on land who’re after we

Violet:
So if you see the Downeaster Alexa
And if you work with the rod and the reel
Tell Mr. Poe we are trolling Atlantis
And I still have my hands on the wheel

Now I drive the Downeaster Alexa
More and more Curdled Cave is quite near
Praying that lightning does not strike us
And the winds don’t blow us down here

I know she’s hiding out from Olaf back ashore
Though she can’t go to the home she lived before
Her shaky house has already plunged apart into the lake
But there ain’t no home left for orphan kids like us

Ya-ya-ya-oh
Ya-ya-ya-oh
Ya-ya-ya-oh
Ya-ya-ya-oh