It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas with These Village Houses

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 10, 2015

Another big Christmas tradition pertains to Christmas villages where people make a little yuletide world within their own homes or at some public venue. You see these often with toy trains as well. Now the tradition for these little Christmas villages is rooted in the Moravian Church a Protestant denomination in central Europe that settled in places like Salem, North Carolina and Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. It mostly started with putting a nativity scene at the base of the Christmas tree called a putz. But these displays soon became more elaborate and by the early 19th century would include scenes from the Bible like Noah’s Ark. By the mid-19th century, the putz began to include more secular elements such as the Christmas village scenes you see today. And they also have villages pertaining to Halloween and Easter as well. Now this can be a rather expensive tradition since many buildings and figures used are usually made from ceramic and porcelain, which might come from sets. However, there are plenty of people who make their own houses with craft store supplies and other stuff lying around. It’s pretty fascinating stuff. So for your reading pleasure, here I give you some miniature houses for these Christmas villages.

Of course, almost every Christmas village needs their own gazebo.

Now this one has a bright blue roof and roses on top. But it has a Christmas tree within its bounds.

2. To light up a Christmas house, a string of pearls will do.

And it appears these pearls are on the roof. Also, the windows seem covered in tinsel. And the figures seem about too tall for the doorway. These things aren’t done to scale.

3. When it comes to Christmas houses, red really stands out.

This one seems to have a wreath at the front door and a snowman. And it’s on a stand. Still, this is quite cute. Love the snow on the roof.

4. Of course, you find plenty of churches among the Christmas villages. Many with steeples.

And this blue one seems to have no glass windows and a lot of snow on the roof. Wonder if the steeple doubles as a lightning rod of some sort.

5. For a lovely Christmas house, it helps to add glitter.

Now a lot of these houses use glitter to capture the effects of the glistening snow. But as we all know, glitter can sometimes make a mess if you aren’t too careful.

6. For the surrounding foliage, the ornaments always have to match the house.

Now most people don’t decorate their trees in their yards. But you see this a lot in Christmas village houses. Nevertheless, I like the wreath on this one.

7. When it comes to Christmas villages, some can be quite elaborate as they may be.

This is meant to be a village near a coastal town, possibly in New England. And yes, it includes a wooden ship near the bay. But yes, someone had too much time on their hands.

8. For roof tiles, you can’t go wrong with using pine cones.

Now this village seems to be built on some miniature garden. But the roofs look fairly realistic thanks to using pine cones. Not sure about the trees.

9. If you can’t light a Christmas house up from the windows, use some wreaths and garlands.

Now this one looks like it was homemade as you can see by what the roof and trees are made from. But I do like the red bows and fake branches. Very Christmasy.

10. If you think Christmas houses are too expensive, just think of what you can do with a small cardboard box and construction paper.

Not sure if lime green is a suitable color for a house of any kind. But I think this one is quite cute to say the least.

11. With this Christmas village, every house and building has its own place.

Now this looks like a cute idea. Love how each little house has its own shelf by the top. I’d like to take a closer look.

12. I don’t know about you, but something tells me this place is toasty inside.

I think those are supposed smoke stacks coming from the chimney. But it kind of looks like they’re windblown trees at another angle.

13. If you don’t want kids getting to your Christmas village, you can always use a cabinet to display it.

Now this is quite elaborate if you ask me. Seems to resemble a little village at night when you look at it. Love how they used a starry background.

14. When it comes to Christmas villages, some can take over a living room floor.

Now this is why a Christmas village can be a rather expensive hobby. And yes, it’s near the tree. Still, if you have kids or pets, please keep them away.

15. Seems like this house has about 3 stories on it.

Now I’m sure you wouldn’t see a whimsical house like that in your neighborhood. But it’s quite charming and you can’t help but love it.

16. I suppose this is what Santa’s home is supposed to look like at the North Pole.

Now Now this looks quite charming. Not sure of the Clauses having a lawn. But I think the house colors and decorations suit them.

17. Glitter and plaid would sure make any little Christmas house festive.

Now this has golden glitter snow and a facade of plaid wrapping paper. Also has a lace ribbon tied in a bow. Like the windows, too.

18. If you like townhouses, you’ll find this especially charming.

Now this consists of 3 houses in pastel colors. Nevertheless, I find such display particularly whimsical and adorable this time of year.

19. Of course, you can add some extra to go with the village display.

Now this is a display pertaining to a skating rink and a hillside. And the icicles are hung to give it more flair. Of course, in my area, you wouldn’t have snow outside.

20. At this country church, Christmas comes but once a year.

Now this is quite pretty. Seems like one of those little churches you see in movies. Like the decorations and the bell tower, too.

21. Still, you always have to put the toy shop right next to the music store.

While the music store has bows and garlands, the toy shop has a Christmas tree. Still, it’s quite charming if you ask me.

22. Seems like Santa has just stopped here or the sleigh is just a decoration.

Now this house has two large decorated Christmas trees, a snowman, and Santa on his sleigh. It also has 2 chimneys and a wreath.

23. Think porcelain and ceramic is too expensive? Try cards and cardboard.

This church uses a lot of elaborate pieces of paper to cover it. And it has paper decorations as well. Still, I like the jingle in its bell tower.

24. Looking for a way to arrange your Christmas village? How about a corner shelf display.

Now this seems like a nifty idea. And I see this area is dolled up with houses, lights, and cotton snow. Still, keep away from small children and animals.

25. Seems like this place is selling cut Christmas trees for $1.

Most of the time Christmas trees cost more than that. But not so at this snowman’s place. Still, it’s pretty cute.

26. While real houses have shabby colors, with a Christmas house you can have a glitter roof.

Now this is a lovely house. Looks so rustic and quaint. But if it were real, it would sure have a large mortgage and heating bill.

27. Now this church certainly has decked the halls this Christmas.

Yes, it’s a pink church with pink tinsel and pin Christmas tree ornaments. But it’s delightful and pretty nonetheless. And it lights up from the inside.

28. When it comes to decorating your Christmas trees, it helps that they match.

Now these Christmas trees are about even. And this place has a reindeer and snowman in front. Love the pink.

29. Nothing brings the spirit of Christmas to your home than a Victorian shabby pink Christmas village.

I’ve seen a lot of such buildings on Pinterest. Not sure if they’re craft or professionally done. However, they are unique so they’ll go on.

30. Who says that you can’t have a church with 2 towers?

Now this is quite intricate. Love the towers and the stained glass window in front. And how it has 3 ways to enter or exit.

31. While most Christmas houses are miniature, there are some rather big ones like this.

Now this one is probably as big as a dollshouse and covered in paper. And yes, it has fairly realistic Christmas decorations. But it does look quite beautiful to say the least.

32. Seems like someone has gotten snowed in around these parts.

Seems a little crowded under this roof. And there seems to be trees under there, too. Then again, not sure if it’s supposed to be made of snow.

33. You might’ve heard of a log cabin village. This one is made from sticks.

Now this looks quite rustic if you agree with me. Not sure if that’s supposed to be a barn or a church. Still, it’s pretty creative.

34. If you’re dreaming of a white Christmas, I’m sure this house will suit your fancy.

Now this looks so cute with a little snowman out front. Man, those look like big icicles. Yet, they enhance the house’s look. In real life, this wouldn’t be the case.

35. Of course, it doesn’t hurt when you put ornaments with the decorations.

Now this church certainly looks festive and Christmasy. Like the golden roof. And I also like that tower, too.

36. If you think one wreath isn’t enough, go with 3.

Now this is a rather simple design. Just 2 chimneys, 3 wreaths, a few trees, and a garland on the fence.

37. If you want to make a Christmas house with glitter, make sure the foliage matches. Gold house means gold trees.

Yes, I know there aren’t a lot of golden Christmas trees. Well, live ones anyway. Still, this is so pretty and sparkly.

38. When it comes to Christmas decorations, they really show up in beige.

Now the tree is so petite and little. The wreath looks quaint. And the cross is somewhat askew. But it looks rather lovely.

39. On Christmas houses, you can always find ways to make them sparkle.

These 3 houses have some shiny beads, fake gems, and glitter. They also have some snowflakes and jingles.

40. For Christmas villages, nothing brings the holiday spirit than tables and trains.

Now you see a lot of Christmas villages with toy trains. And like this one, they tend to be in circles. Still, this is a lovely display and really lights up.

41. A Christmas village church is never complete without a nativity scene.

How they managed to find a nativity scene that small I’ll never know. Nevertheless, most churches usually have a nativity scene in front this time of year. Like the star on the bell tower, too.

42. When it comes to decorating your Christmas village house, you can go all out if you care.

Now this house has so many decorations on here like tinsel, ornaments, trees, pearls, and a snowflake. Still, like the snow.

43. While many of these Christmas houses are in funky colors some look like any house on the street.

Not sure about the architecture on this one. Kind of looks lopsided to me. But I do like the decorations.

44. Sometimes a church tower is on top. Sometimes it’s on the side.

Now this is one of those Victorian pink shabby putz buildings. But I think it looks pretty with all the decor and cotton glitter snow.

45. You can always make a Christmas village lampost from paper, especially a Dickensian one like this.

Wouldn’t think this was made from paper. But it does look quite quaint. Almost put this one in my craft post but I didn’t think it was appropriate.

46. For a more rustic and simple Christmas village, best go with a colonial.

Now this looks like a Christmas village house that’s not too flashy. Like how they have the wreath and the snowman. Also the windows are cool, too.

47. Of course, some people want their homes to look their best for Santa.

Always has to be someone in the neighborhood who goes all out with the decorating. Luckily, Santa will just come in through the front door.

48. For some churches, a star on the tower has to stand out.

Yes, it has pink decorations. But you have to delight by how the star looks on the tallest tower. Wonder what’s in that present.

49. When you wish for a white Christmas, you can always add a snowflake on your home.

Yes, this is a bright blue winter wonderland house. And yes, there’s a snowflake on the front as well as tinsel at the borders.

50. When it comes to Christmas houses, they can be in as many colors as you like.

Now this one contains red, yellow, blue, and green. But it’s decorated by a wreath and some bottle brush Christmas trees. Like the snow here, too.

51. You may have heard of a Christmas house. But what about a Christmas barn?

Didn’t know people actually decorated their barns for Christmas. Then again, perhaps this barn is more of a public venue for special occasions than anything.

52. If you want a more old-fashioned Christmas, you might like this brownstone.

Seems like most of the snow is on the roof. And every front window has a wreath. Not sure if I like the color.

53. Now this is what I called a really fancy barn.

Yeah, Pinterest says it’s supposed to be a barn. Not sure if barns are supposed to look like that. I mean most I’ve seen don’t have towers.

54. Some homes have chimneys. Some don’t. But those that do, the chimney is usually made from brick.

Now while most chimneys are usually at the side, this one is at the front. And I see cotton is used for smoke. Like the snowman.

55. Some cottages have more elaborate trimmings than others.

Now this might be a little bigger than the other examples. But nevertheless, it has a large wooden ship weather vane and other elaborate stuff near the roof and windows. Tree’s a bit lopsided.

56. Nothing makes a better Christmas house than one of green.

Now a green house with red windows and doors is certainly a Christmasy house, indeed. Doesn’t hurt if it has some decorations.

57. You know that you’re in the North Pole if you see a lamp post like this.

This is another one I was considering for my Christmas craft post. But since it looks like a miniature, I put it in this one.

58. Sometimes smoke is cotton while other times it’s of something covered in glitter.

Now this one really has it all decked out for Christmas. The trees have ornaments and big stars. The roof is edged in tinsel. And there are figures in front.

59. Of course, for the low-income segment of your Christmas village, it doesn’t hurt to have a trailer.

Yeah, I don’t think the lawn ornament is to scale. But a Christmas village trailer is a truly unique idea if you think about it.

60. For any Christmas house, it’s best to go with decorations of green and red.

Now this is quite festive. Has lots of beads and bows. Doesn’t hurt if it has a golden reindeer outside, too.

61. You can tell this is a Christmas house since it has its own balcony.

Of course, if you just saw the tower, you’d think it was a church. No, it’s probably a house for someone of a higher tax bracket. Love the trees on this.

62. While you can decorate a Christmas house with wrapping paper, some can get very crazy with the colors and patterns.

Now this looks like Lady Gaga’s dream house. And it has gold Christmas decorations, too.

63. For a more rustic Christmas, a log cabin brings an old-fashioned touch.

And it doesn’t hurt that it’s accompanied by a sled you’d see on Citizen Kane and a truck reminiscent of 1930s gangster movies. Still. the logs seem kind of flat for some reason.

64. A small wooden church is quite simple yet rather sturdy.

Now this doesn’t have a lot of decorations other than a wreath, lights, nativity scene, and star. But it looks so pretty to say the least.

65. You can set up your Christmas village anywhere, even on a cart.

I think this is from a baking cart. But somehow it looks like the work of someone with way too much time on their hands. Also, those branches look quite big.

66. I suppose this one comes with a separate garage.

Then again, the buildings might be connected. Nevertheless it seems to have a lot of snow splotches on the roof. Like the fence decorations.

67. For a white Christmas, a white church always needs snow.

Now this mostly has snow on the roof and the steeple bell tower. Yet, it sure is pretty.

68. A simple house like this for the holiday season always has to be blue and pink.

Now this doesn’t look like a real house. But I do love it with how the top window resembles a snowflake. Like the trees, too.

69. Of course, when it comes to scale, some figures might be larger than some of the doorways.

Now the cat and the girl really don’t seem to fit through this house’s doorway. Yet, I do love the decor on this such as the tinsel and the wreath.

70. When it comes to Christmas churches, you can’t beat one of glittery blue.

Now this one has a picture taken by an angle. Yet, the only way you can tell it’s a Christmas decoration is how it’s surrounded by 2 bottle brush trees.

71. A bright Christmas house always is of yellow and pink.

Now this is a lovely house. Like the tinsel and tree decorations. Quite ingenious.

72. Nothing makes a Christmas cottage than being decorated in pearls.

Now this looks like a little girl’s dream and it’s quite cute. I really like the purple roof on this.

73. Now this blue Christmas house is sure to stick out for Santa.

I think this might be the biggest blue house in my post. Then again, the picture was taken at close range. Yet, I do like how the roof is covered in a glistening snow.

74. To bring some perk to your Christmas village, go with pink.

Now this includes a house, a church, and a gazebo. And yes, it’s all quite pretty and glittery as you can see. But I like it.

75. Now this Christmas trailer sure looks well decked for the holiday season.

This one has pearl and tinsel decorations. Also, seems like someone just got a Christmas tree. Wonder it will fit.

76. I call this one, “church on the rocks.”

Sort of looks like it’s right beside a mountain or forest. But it has some kind of elegance in simplicity to it for some reason.

77. No Christmas house could ever be more lovely when it is in purple.

Now this has some whimsy to it, especially with the Dr. Seusslike decorations. Still, I think it’s pretty.

78. Of course, a Christmas church always has to be surrounded by trees.

Yes, this has a lot of white trees nearby to make it seem less plain. But I do love the snow near the cross.

79. A pink glitter house always needs a tall smokestack.

Yes, this is another pink glitter house. And yes, it’s cute and adorable. But its smokestack is something that defies so much explanation.

80. Of course, you can’t have a Christmas village without a school house.

Not sure what I think about this building, Doesn’t seem to be bright red and perky. But I do like the trees.

81. Some people dream to have a white Christmas house like this.

As for me, I tend to wish for a white Christmas for once this year. Yet, whether there is, I have no way of knowing. Seriously, winter looks less crappy with snow.

82. Nothing makes a Christmas house better than a nice sloping roof for a change.

Now this is an interesting architectural design. But you have to like the facade on this one. Looks delightful.

83. A house of gold and white will always bring Christmas cheer.

The roof may be gold. But it has some degree of snow on it. Still, while these gold trees look stunning, real trees like that look dead.

84. A teal church like this is sure to stun anyone viewing your Christmas village.

And it’s complete with a nice cobblestone path. Like the matching Christmas trees, too. Wonder what those black things are.

85. Now a pearl on the face gives this house an ideal finishing touch.

This looks so quaint and cute in a baby blue. Like the present, wreath, and tree on this one, too.

86. Let me guess, I suppose this is what the candy store looks like.

Luckily this looks more of a candy cane place than a gingerbread home. So no witches with hot ovens for children here.

87. When it snows, you can always use some Christmas greenery.

Now the roof has garlands and the enclosure has trees with red ornaments. Not sure about the color since the brown doesn’t seem very appealing. The rest is fine.

88. For a Christmas village church, a simple red roof is all you need.

Now this one just has trees for Christmas to be in the spirit of the holiday season. However, it also has a gold bell in the tower. Love the glittery red roof.

89. A white church always has to have a silver roof of glitter.

Now this looks fairly realistic for a church in some picturesque New England village. Nevertheless, it’s quite lovely.

90. Looks like Santa is about to visit this green house with the silvery snow roof.

And it seems that Santa has 6 reindeer. Granted 9 might’ve been a bit too much. Still, I think the house is beautiful with silver snow and a green facade.

91. Of course, Christmas houses don’t always have to have a rustic or old fashion design.

This one has a more post WWII design. Not really into architecture after that period. But this looks quite Chirstmasy to say the least.

92. If you’re into more glass windows, perhaps a frame house may suit you.

Like I said, I’m not a big fan of modern architecture after 1945. But I’m sure the light will definitely shine through this one.

93. This house has some ample room to put the car under the port.

Yes, this is another modern house that looks 1950ish. The poles are of candy cane pattern. But it’s sure to have windows big enough for light.

94. If you like the 1950s, then you’ll love this butterfly ranch house.

Then another modern looking house from the Post War era. Love the color, but the style not so much. Really don’t dig into this type of architecture.

95. If you prefer the Renaissance, I’m sure this Christmas house will suit your fancy.

Now this is quite quaint. But to me, you don’t see a lot of houses like this unless it’s at a Renaissance festive. It’s more a European style.

96. Now this Christmas village seems like it’s all set on a mountainside.

Seems like a lovely village from the looks of it. Still, seems like it takes a hell of a long time to assemble. Yeah, someone has too much time on their hands.

97. This purple house is guaranteed to put you into the holiday spirit this Christmas.

Now this looks quite whimsical and I love the decorations. I also like the fact that it’s purple, too.

98. When it comes to Christmas churches, stained glass windows are must.

Now this one has a pink roof and bell. It also has stained glass windows in the front. Still, it’s quite lovely to say the least.

99. For Christmas you can’t go wrong with a house of candy canes and snowflakes.

Now this house is mostly red and white save for the wreath and trees. Still, love the bow on this since it makes look so charming.

100. Nothing makes a Christmas village better than a simple blue glitter house.

Yes, it’s a little house with a small Christmas wreath on the front door. Yes, it only has one window. Still, I find it adorable.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree at the Ugly Sweater Party (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 7, 2015

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Since my post on ugly Christmas sweaters garnered so much popularity last year and this year, I decided to go with another edition. Now this is me near the basement fireplace at my house with two Christmas stockings at hand. Here I am wearing a cute penguin fleece that says “Let It Snow!” which isn’t exactly ugly, a sweater, or even specifically for Christmas. But if I was invited to an ugly Christmas sweater party, it would be the kind of top I’d wear. But let’s just say I wouldn’t be the star attraction. That would take extra time and/or money for that, neither of which I have. So that means I’d just have to stick to being tasteful and cute. But plenty of people seem to as I’ve found on Google Images or Pinterest. And yes, the vast boundaries of tackiness are infinite which is why I made this and last year’s ugly Christmas sweater posts not safe for work. And some you have to wonder whether there are kids who’d be seeing such fashion atrocities. So without further adieu, I present some more moments of yuletide tackiness in all its Christmas glory.

To start things off, best to warn your loved ones not to stick their tongues out on metal in below freezing weather, even on a triple dog dare.

Yeah, that was very dumb but a very funny moment in the movie. But if I was that kid, I’d have the common sense not to bow to peer pressure.

2. On Christmas Eve, get tacky together with these footie pajamas.

Now this brings yuletide fashion horrors to the next level. But they sure do look comfy if you ask me. Wouldn’t want to be caught dead in them though.

3. I’m sure garlands and bulbs are bound to make anything look festive.

Now I wonder if this was made for a man or a woman. Probably a woman by the looks of it. I think the bulbs make it obvious.

4. Think wearing a Christmas tree is hard? Try wearing a fireplace.

Now I wonder if she has to stand like that all the time so all the stuff on her arms doesn’t fall off. Yeah, I think after a while, it’s bound to get pretty uncomfortable.

5. Of course, in any ugly Christmas party, children are usually required to get with the program.

I’m sure this little girl isn’t very happy with what she had to wear at her grandmother’s house. Yes, her mom worked so hard on it. But still, would you want to be seen in that?

6. Styrofoam and cotton balls are always great for snow.

However, I don’t know whether Frosty’s chest should be bigger than his rear end. You have to wonder whether he’s on some performance enhancement snow steroids to get a body like that.

7. When it comes to Christmas, you can’t go wrong with a tutu and green tights.

Now she’s certainly tacky in her gay apparel. And she’s gloating in it for the picture. Like the tinsel neckline and Christmas tree.

8. As far as couples go, she’s the elf and he’s the shelf.

And since she’s the elf, she has to be on his shoulders. Of course, he’ll have to take her down once in a while. Yeah, 100 pounds isn’t light as a feather.

9. Instead of wearing a Christmas sweater, perhaps try on a Christmas skirt.

I could imagine an elementary teacher wearing something like this on the day before school will be out for break. Still, it’s horrendously festive for the occasion.

10. Bundle up this holiday season with your very own Christmas tree hat and scarf.

Now this is the kind of winter gear you’d see at Whoville this time of year. Yes, it’s festive and Christmas appropriate. But would anyone want to be caught dead in that? I doubt it.

11. Of course, some guys see themselves this all the time.

Yes, his shirt may say he’s God’s gift to women. But does it mean he really is? You might want to check that out for yourself.

12. Nothing says Christmas than wearing a yarn Christmas wreath and a headband of Christmas tree antlers.

Not sure if that wreath was sewn in or not. I’m sure the shirt is a turtleneck, but the wreath looks like it’s hanging like a necklace.

13. Bring some winter into the Christmas season with this bright blue cardigan of a polar bear skiing.

Now this is more of a winter sweater than a Christmas one. And no, polar bears don’t bundle up or ski. But still, it’s pretty funny. And yes, this is a very tacky sweater.

14. As far as the Christmas season goes, it’s jingle bells and feel the joy.

However, if your ugly sweater party includes children, it’s better if you don’t wear sweaters like these. Yeah, you’ll probably get complaints from the parents.

15. Now this guy is sure decked up like a Christmas tree.

Now all he needs is a skirt and hat to go with that and he’s all set. Then again, he might want to just stick with the sweater.

16. If you love Frosty the Snowman, then you’ll love this dress.

Of course, not sure if she’ll be warm in the legs. Yeah, maybe she should get some white leg warmers with that.

17. Apparently someone doesn’t care much for fruitcake.

Seems like fruitcake is either the Christmas food people don’t like or the one they eat when consuming lots of booze. Well, that’s as far as I know about it.

18. You aren’t dressed for Christmas until you wear a Santa penguin vest.

Geographically speaking, Santa lives nowhere near penguins. However, this outfit is pretty horrific on so many levels. The penguins are cute though.

19. Of course, it’s not just humans who bask in the horrendous holiday fashion scene.

I don’t think Scruffy appreciates wearing a tacky sweater of a Christmas tree. Doesn’t want to be the laughingstock of the dog park. But his owners think it’s adorable.

20. Trim your ugly Christmas sweater this year with a red feather boa.

Yes, feather boas always seem to make everything look tackier. And this is no exception.

21. Bring in the spirit of the season in all its glory with this Christmas tutu.

Now this one has ornaments and lights on it. So you can be a horrendously tacky Christmas ballerina if you please.

22. Rock this holiday season in your very own Frosty the Snowman hat.

Now a top hat over a top hat. Wonder if it doesn’t hit the door when he goes out of the bathroom. Yeah, I’d watch it if I were him.

23. To go with your Christmas sweater this year, how about go with holiday hair.

I’m sure Effie Trinket has a wig just like this for the holiday season. Then again, I’m not sure they even celebrate Christmas in Panem. It’s certainly not mentioned.

24. Of course, it’s always Mrs. Claus who deals with Santa when he’s being naughty.

If you like Christmas and Fifty Shades of Grey, then this is the perfect sweater for you. However, I think dominatrix Mrs. Claus might be too inappropriate for small children.

25. Now that is one ugly ass Christmas sweater.

Even the sweater itself says this. And it even lights up. Still, I think parents of small children might have a problem with this. Just saying.

26. For footwear, it helps that your slippers are covered in bows.

Of course, bows like these usually have a decorative purpose only. But these shoes are sure festive at any holiday party.

27. For some you can’t say Christmas without including Sasquatch.

Yes, this is a Bigfoot Christmas sweater. No, I’m not sure if Bigfoot actually wears this (if he exists). But yes, it’s ridiculous.

28. Now I see why they call them, “ginger snaps.”

Seems like 2 gingerbread men got themselves decapitated. And I’m sure they aren’t going to like being dipped in milk.

29. Now you’ve heard of a Santa sweater. How about Santa on your sweater?

Okay, this Santa is pretty creepy to say the least. Also, he doesn’t even have a beard for Christ’s sake! Now that’s just holiday sacrilege.

30. This Christmas step out in your very own Reindeer stilettos.

You know if you want to wear ugly Christmas shoes, be my guest. However, I think you should at least aim for comfort and support. These are ridiculous.

31. If you and your friends are stuck in the frat house this Christmas, make sure your Christmas sweater comes with a funnel and tube.

Really? A funnel and tube with your Christmas sweater? And it doesn’t have sleeves? Guess that’s for the eggnog drinking contest.

32. Uh, Santa, I think you can use a shirt and some pants.

Well, at least this image of Santa was done in felt. Still, it’s pretty disturbing if you think about it. Seriously, nobody wants to see a naked Santa Claus.

33. Of course, if you don’t think it’s tacky enough, you can always add on to it.

Apparently somebody has been spending too much time at the sewing machine. But yeah, it looks like a really horrendous patchwork sewing job.

34. I call this one a, “Gropey Grinchmas Sweater.”

Because it looks like a woman’s sweater and it has Grinchy hands at the boob area. Yeah, Grinch is a perv.

35. Now this Santa sweater is sure to light up by the flick of a switch.

Is it just me, or does this jolly old Saint Nicholas look like he’s from the dark depths of Hell? I don’t know, he just kind of looks evil for some reason.

36. Stand out at Christmas with this tinsel and jingle neck tie.

Now that has to be the tackiest Christmas neck tie I’ve ever seen. Seriously, it makes those you see in the store look tame by comparison.

37. Of course, you’ll have to look in back to see if it’s a buck.

Yep, that’s a buck all right as far as I can tell. Now that’s just sick. Really sick. But I’m sure deer hunters will get a kick out of it.

38. If you liked the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer special, then you’ll like this Abominable Snowman sweater with lights.

Now I find this Abominable Snowman quite adorable to day the least. And I like the lights. But yeah, it’s pretty tacky.

39. For your legs, may I suggest a pair of ugly Christmas leggings?

Of course, they might just be tights or sweat pants for all I know. But yes, they’re very horrendous and tacky indeed.

40. Nevertheless, there could be only one snowman out there who could make Christmas great again (sarcasm).

Trumpy the Snowman, is a bonafide asshole/With hate-filled mouth and a large ego, and a toupee of orange mole./Trumpy the Snowman, is a stupid joke they say/ He is full of blow but hell if I know why can’t he just go away.

41. Of course, you can now wear a Christmas sweater that was inspired from the movie How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

However, unlike the one the Grinch wears in the movie, this one doesn’t light up. But it does jingle and jangle.

42. Like poinsettias? Now these slippers are for you.

Now these have green garlands, gold baubles, and red poinsettias. And yes, they sure look horrific as can be.

43. If you liked The Nightmare Before Christmas, you’ll like this Jack Skellington Christmas sweater.

And yes, it certainly lights up as you can see. Still, you really don’t want to get a Christmas present from Jack Skellington of Halloween town.

44. Those who might not care for Christmas much will certainly delight in this Grinch hoodie.

Now this is just clever. Like how his heart is 3 sizes too small. Also like the green garland.

45. Husband not too fond of his Christmas ties? Make a sweater with them.

Now you can sew on some ties and buttons on this turtleneck and wear it for Christmas. Yes, it’s tacky but tis the season for ugly Christmas sweaters.

46. This Christmas, take out the turkey and make it look festive for the season.

Now this one has some lights and Santa hats on the legs. Yes, it’s pretty tacky and ridiculous. But I think it’s also pretty funny.

47. If you live in Florida, I’m sure this flamingo cardigan would suit your fancy.

Then again, Florida isn’t known for having sweater weather. Still, it’s the kind of sweater I’d expect someone from Florida to own. Yes, it’s tacky.

48. If you liked “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” then you’ll like this sweater.

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Yeah, a song about Grandma getting run over by Santa’s sleigh is pretty funny. But a sweater of reindeer running over an old lady in a walker? Don’t know what to think about that.

49. Seems like Zombie Claus tends to rise from his grave with his sack on Christmas Eve.

Of course, you’d want to watch out for Zombie Claus. Because if you’re a kid who’s been bad, he’ll devour your brains. So be good for goodness sake.

50. Of course, I’m sure everyone has heard of the Christmas llama.

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Yes, it’s just a llama with a scarf on it. But still, llamas are pretty cool animals. And I think it’s pretty funny.

51. Don’t think a Christmas sweater is tacky enough? Then go with a Christmas jumpsuit.

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Now that’s one ugly jumpsuit. Certainly wouldn’t want to be caught dead wearing that. Yeah, quite horrendous.

52. Now these Christmas bootie slippers come with all the bows.

Yeah, someone actually made these from gift bows. And yes, they’re colorful. However, not sure if I could wear them around my house if you ask me.

53. When it comes to decorating Christmas sweaters, you can never have enough bows.

And this one seems to have a big one and a bunch of little ones. Oh, and it has some other decorations, too.

54. To go with those poinsettia slippers, I now give you a poinsettia sweater.

Though I love flowers, I’m not sure what to think about the poinsettia. Certainly don’t want to get one. Still, those flowers look like they’ve been stolen from somebody’s grave.

55. Oh, shit, Santa just got stuck in the chimney.

Of course, since he’s a fat guy in a red suit, you’d have to expect this. Still, would it hurt him to just go through the front door? I mean he obviously wouldn’t like going down to find a blazing hot fire.

56. For some pet owners, a Christmas sweater of their dog says so much.

I know some people are crazy about their pets. But a pug sweater with a poinsettia and tinsel wreath? C’mon. That’s ridiculous.

57. Those who love polar bears will love this polar bear tree sweater.

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Of course, it’s also available in adult size and for men. But yes, the bears are so cute. And the sweater is so tacky.

58. When it comes to Christmas dresses, you can never have too many ornaments.

Still, I don’t think it’s a dress you’d want to vacuum in. I mean it’s liable some of the ornaments can drop and break. Also, the noise.

59. Be in the holiday spirit this Christmas with this bauble headband.

Now this was mostly made of stuff you’d get at a craft store. But it’s a great addition to any tacky Christmas look you’re aiming for.

60. If you want to dress as a Christmas tree, you can’t go wrong with a tutu dress.

Now these two seem all decked in green tulle and shiny lights. They’re also wearing a star on their heads as well. Yes, it’s horrendous but they seem to enjoy themselves.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 6, 2015

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As you probably know by now, Christmas albums are what many recording artists are contractually obligated to do during their summer vacations. And yes, if you work in retail, you’ll have to deal with Christmas music for several hours straight that you’ll soon have all the songs stuck in your head. Let’s just say hearing the torture of Wham!’s “Last Christmas” one thing I don’t miss about working at Macy’s this holiday season. And let’s just say that after the holiday season, these Christmas albums will end up at some discount rack at Big Lots. Last year, I did a post on vintage Christmas album covers that many of you have taken to. So I decided to do another one since there are so many vintage album covers out there pertaining to Christmas. And yes, many of them are amusingly horrible beyond all description that you have to see for yourself. So without further adieu, here is a treasure trove of more vintage Christmas album covers for when you really need a break from hearing all the Christmas music in your head after a shopping trip.

Sesame Street: Merry Christmas

Uh, let’s just hope that Bert got tangled in the bead garlands by accident. But since people think they’re gay and Fifty Shades of Grey being a pop culture hit, this is probably one of the most unintentionally inappropriate children’s album covers of all time. I mean Grover and Cookie Monster now look understandably horrified at the moment.

Nothing beats a wholesome family Christmas like hearing your favorite yuletide carols while Ernie and Bert decorate their Christmas tree with Grover and Cookie Monster.

2. Jingle Cats: Merry Christmas

Good: Might help curb rodent infestations. Bad: Seriously, “Jingle Bells” is annoying as it is but do you really want to listen to cats meowing to it? Ugly: Might give your cat an inferiority complex.

Finally a Christmas album for the crazy cat fan that has felines singing 2o holiday classics.

3. Dean Martin: A Winter Romance

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I think Dino might have to watch out for the creepy blond woman who’s plotting to murder his girlfriend in a way that it would look like an accident. Yeah, let’s just say women like that would make a winter romance turn into a winter nightmare.

Nothing says Christmas like snow, skiing, and having a very creepy stalker obsession with Dean Martin.

4. The Joyful Sounds: Guide Me Lord

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As someone who’s seen Hairspray, I think these women have more chemicals in their hair than the whole cast put together. Wonder how long it took for these women to style their hair in the morning.

Celebrate the birth of our Lord with yuletide Christian music, modestly red and blue dresses with white collars and cuffs, and tons of hairspray.

5. Christmas at Our House

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think Uncle Charlie’s idea of playtime involves toy trains or toys of any other kind. I think it involves Uncle Charlie doing unspeakable things to Billy in the bathroom.

“C’mon, Billy, be a dear and spend time with your Uncle Charlie this Christmas. You only get to see him few times a year.”

6. Asleep at the Wheel: Merry Texas Christmas Y’all

I understand Asleep at the Wheel is the group’s name. But I’m not sure if it makes a great name to put on a Christmas album cover. It just brings to mind a car accident waiting to happen instead of good cheer. Also the armadillo is freaky.

In Texas, they tend to celebrate Christmas a little differently with decorations like armadillos, cowboy boots, cacti, and longhorn skulls.

7. Christmas at the Devil’s House

“Santa, ramp up your amp and play your guitar hard./’Cause Hell’s broke loose in North Pole and the Devil deals the cards./And if you win you get this shiny guitar made of gold,/But if you lose the devil gets your soul……”

When the Devil went down to Georgia, he challenged Johnny to the fiddle duel. When Santa went to hell, they dueled with electric guitars.

8. Rusty Diamonds: Rusty Diamonds Vol. 4 X-mas Project

Now I’m not sure what to make of pose. I mean her nipples are showing and you can almost see her crotch. That ain’t right.

Of course, sex sells in the music industry. So during the Christmas season having a cover of a girl in a Santa hat and spandex helps.

9. Charo: (Mamacita) ¿Donde Esta Santa Claus?

Wonder how Charo managed to survive winter without losing her legs. Seriously, high red stockings will not keep you warm below freezing temperatures.

When looking at this my question to Charo is “¿Donde esta su pantalones? ¡Esta frio, su pendejo!”

10. Michele Richard: Noel

Seems like Santa Claus really isn’t enjoying being hugged in this photo op. But he just didn’t have the courage to say, no, no, no.

While Santa may delight having children sit on his lap, this isn’t always the case with teens and adults.

11. Dj Scream Kickstand: Santa Claus: Toys, Trees, and Snow

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Now I see nothing wrong with a gangta rap Christmas album. And I don’t see anything wrong with a black Santa either. However, seeing Santa wielding an AK-47 is just plain wrong.

Because nothing says “Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men” like Santa Claus wearing a bandanna and sunglasses while wielding an AK-47.

12. Celtic Woman: Home for Christmas

Of course, when designing Celtic Woman’s Christmas album, it’s said that Lisa Frank’s dog got loose and took a giant dump all over it. They were never able to clean up the mess.

Now I can’t decide whether this album design is supposed to be a Christmas tree or a technicolor turd.

13. NORAD Tracks Santa

Of course, if you want to track Santa on Christmas Eve, maybe it’s better to listen to NORAD on the radio. Why get Santa news reports from a record anyway? Kind of freaky if you think about it.

Finally, an album tracking Santa’s movements from the North Pole on Christmas Eve.

14. Merry Music for Christmas

While Cindy and Randy played like sports during the photo shoot, Janie wanted none of that. Of course, they had to go with the best photo in the bunch.

Apparently one of these kids would like to offer a second opinion.

15. Adventures in Carols

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Not sure if that rocket’s going to hold all the toys, Danta. Also, what’s with the other Santas at the launch site? Or are they elves? I don’t know.

This year, instead of a sleigh, Santa will deliver all the toys to kids from a rocket that’s launched from a large anti-aircraft gun.

16. Mickey Rooney: Merry, Merry Micklemas

Looking at him like this, I find it hard to believe this guy was a huge star in his prime as well as married 8 times. One of these was Ava Gardner out of all people. Vanity Fair said he’s “the original Hollywood trainwreck.”

Nothing beats Christmas than seeing and old Mickey Rooney in a Santa beard and long underwear.

17. Sufjan Stevens and Friends: Let It Snow!: Songs for Christmas Vol. 9

For God’s sake, who the hell thought this would make a great idea for a Christmas album cover? This is just totally sick. Hopefully, this album came out before the Jerry Sandusky scandal at Penn State. But I may be wrong.

Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a boy taking a steaming hot shower.

18. Nina and Frederik: Christmas at Home with Nina and Frederik

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From The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit: “From the looks of Frederik, there’s only one of four things he wants to do this Christmas. 1. Sex you up. 2. Chop you into little pieces. 3. Sex you up and then chop you into little pieces. 4. Chop you into little pieces and then sex you up.” Why doesn’t he just make it convenient and get a woodchipper like in Fargo? Oh, sorry about that, Steve Buschemi.

When it comes to the holidays, Nina and Frederik prefer to spend Christmas at their peaceful cabin in the woods.

19. Stan and Doug: Yust Go Nuts on Christmas

From Cracked: “Ah, nothing says Christmas like a cross-dressing, possibly mentally challenged man fighting Santa over an ugly doll. It’s just like in that classic Christmas carol, ‘I Saw Mommy Try to Stop Daddy from Wearing Her Dresses and Cold-Cocking Santa.'” Don’t ask me, I wasn’t consulted.

Okay, not sure if I want to know what that guy in the little boy get up is doing to that doll. Or why Santa is touching it.

20. Dear Santa Let’s Disco

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I pray to God that this girl is at least 18. Because from her eyes, I don’t think she just wants to disco with Santa. Also, why would anyone want to disco with Santa?

Nothing says Christmas in the Disco Era like a supposedly teenage girl erotically licking a candy cane.

21. Christopher Bowes: Christmas at the Organ

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From Chudbeaglemusic Blog: “Think of it ladies-an evening of Mr. Bowes regaling us on his male organ and drinking his drugged wine, waiting to open the gifts of boxed-up body parts under the tree. Happy holidays!” I’ll pass, thank you very much. Seriously, I don’t want to drink with this guy.

There’s nothing more romantic at Christmas than spending a night near the tree drinking wine with a guy who might resemble a potential date rapist or serial killer.

22. Paul Holt: Fifty Grand for Christmas

Then again, he probably wishes he had 50 grand for Christmas. But with this album cover, he probably should’ve went with “I’ll Be Broke for Christmas.”

Of course, this guy wished he had 50 grand for Christmas. But he had to settle for a cheap album cover with some cheap ass hookers.

23. Dennis Day: Dennis Day Sings Christmas Is for Family

Of course, Jack Benny played the violin badly as part of his comic routine. However, I don’t think his comedy translates well when he’s in a Santa suit. Also, I think the kids are more anxious about opening presents than Jack Benny anyway.

Yes, kiddos, enjoy Christmas morning in your jammies with a private violin recital by the great Jack Benny in a Santa suit. Fun for the whole family.

24. Carol Channing: The Year Without a Santa Claus

Yes, that’s Carol Channing. Yes, she’s a famous celebrity. No, I don’t think she made a lot of horror movies. Yeah, I do think her face is bound to give little children nightmares.

From looking at this cover, I’m wondering if The Year Without a Santa Claus is a horror story.

25. The New Christy Minstrels: Christmas with the Christies

Yeah, decorate your hair with ornaments and lights. Of course, you’d have to walk slow so the baubles won’t fall off. And you can’t walk too far from the electrical outlet those lights are plugged in.

For festive holiday hair this Christmas, find a style you can decorate like a Christmas tree.

26. Fats Domino: Christmas Is a Special Day

That poor pooch probably doesn’t care for photo ops. Or maybe Fats Domino Christmas music. Wonder why it looks so blase. What a way to ruin a picture.

Yes, Christmas is a special day, indeed. But for Fats’s bichon frise, it doesn’t seem a happy one.

27. Mickey Gilley: Christmas at Gilley’s

Uh, Santa, I don’t think it’s a good idea to drive a magic reindeer pulled sleigh while under the influence. I mean this is how some kids get the wrong toys.

When Santa comes to the Gilleys, he always likes to raise a bottle of Texas booze while the country music’s playing.

28. Stan Freberg: Green Christmas and the Meaning of Christmas

I think this is supposed to be a satire on Christmas commercialism, consumerism, and materialism. And from how I see his face, he kind of looks pretty depressed about it.

Of course, his idea of a “green” Christmas has more to do with the Benjamins than with saving the environment.

29. Gunther & the Sunshine Girls: Christmas Song (Ding Dong)

From Chudbeaglemusic Blog: “I’m thinking our friend Gunther gets his “ding dong” licked by that poor, wretched dog each night. That ‘stache and Gunther’s pouty lips make me want to cancel Christmas.”

Okay, is that a guy or a woman in drag? I can’t really tell.

30. The Mastertone Orchestra: A Singer Christmas for the Family

This boy seems like: “A sewing machine? What kind of lame ass gift is that? Why couldn’t you let me unwrap a Roughrider BB gun that I asked for?”

Because nothing excites the family on Christmas morning more than a new Singer sewing machine.

31. Archie Wood and his Friends: Christmas Album

Okay that castle looks fairly run down. Not sure what to make out about the dogs. But I have to admit, that dummy is just completely terrifying if you ask me.

Think of this bunch as a mashup of Mister Rogers Neighborhood and your worst childhood nightmares.

32. Muzak: Stimulus Progression No. 3 Christmas

Heard they play this kind of music at Guatanamo Bay and in customer service departments. Let’s just say that Muzak is what they play on occasions like enhanced interrogations, when you’re on hold, or to drive away some unruly teens from loitering.

Because nothing makes Christmas better than hearing your favorite yuletide carols in the form of elevator music.

33. Perry Como: The Perry Como Christmas Album

Now my grandma is a huge fan of this guy. Still, with a voice like his and tons of fan girls, they should’ve been able to come up with a better design than some creepy photoshop like this.

Celebrate Christmas by listening to music coming from Perry Como’s disembodied head on a Christmas wreath.

34. Ray Charles: The Spirit of Christmas

Look, Ray Charles is a musical legend and a great singer and musician. Love his music and love Ray. However, this is not the kind of guy who should be driving a one horse open sleigh. Seriously, the guy’s blind as a bat. Not to mention, he wasn’t quite sober and clean.

If you think Perry Como’s head on wreath was creepy, you should see Ray Charles driving a sleigh.

35. Jimmy Pelham: Santa! Watch Your Claws

And it seems like Mommy and Santa are about to be getting into the nasty. Yes, Santa is a pervert and a very naughty boy.

If you think seeing mommy kissing Santa Claus was traumatizing, how about seeing mommy sitting on Santa’s lap?

36. Harry Secombe: Christmas Cheer

You know the creepy uncle you only see on holidays? You know the one who travels around in a windowless van your parents won’t let you in? Well, he released a Christmas album.

Because Santa Claus isn’t the only fat guy around who likes children around him. But at least Harry Secombe doesn’t need to sneak into their houses.

37. Six Million Dollar Man: Christmas Adventures

From The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit: “I thought the Six Million Dollar Man was supposed to be a good guy? Based on this cover, it seems as if he’s killed Santa, put on his costume, and jettisoned St. Nick’s corpse into space on board a rocket. Man, that’s effed up. Jolly ol’ Steve Austin looks like he’s getting some kind of sick thrill from the whole thing – check out that demonic smirk. Later, Austin uses his bionic powers to crush the Elves’ Revolt. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard the sound of an elf’s windpipe being crushed in slo-mo.”

Spend the holiday season listening to 4 exciting adventures from the Six Million Dollar Man.

38. Ben Best: Happy Christmas Party: The Best of Ben Best

I don’t think Ben Best looks like this and I have no idea who that guy is. Still, why the designer had to resort to the most uncreative gimmick to sell this album is beyond me. Yeah, let’s hope she gets some clothes for Christmas.

Of course, you can’t have a Christmas party without a naked girl surrounded by presents.

39. AC/DC: Mistress for Christmas

Now that’s no way to treat a lady. Looks like Bon Scott has basically kidnapped her and now he’s probably in very deep shit. Yeah, he has a weird look in his face.

Uh, Bon Scott, I don’t think you get a mistress for Christmas by grabbing some lady in a Santa dress by the legs.

40. Bootsy Collins: Christmas Is 4 Ever

Yes, marvel at Bootsy’s wonderful divine powers at his celestial creation of a big ass star. Yeah, his Christmas town is sure shining tonight.

Of course, Christmas is forever, as far as I know since Bootsy Collins is an overlord and deity of a snow globe Christmas town.

41. Indo G: Christmas N’ Memphis: Christmas Will Never Be the Same

I don’t know about you. But robbing a bank is very naughty, Santa Claus. And it can lead to a long prison sentence. You don’t want to go there.

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” and “Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men” than the sight of Santa Claus being held by guns for robbing a bank.

42. The Carolleers: Favorite Christmas Carols

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I don’t know about you. But something tells me that Johnny’s new girlfriend Jenny might be a vampire. I don’t know why, just look at her eyes and teeth. Not that it’s none of my business.

Yes, nothing warms your heart on Christmas than having strangers show up at your door and sing annoying songs to you.

43. Andre Kostelanetz and his Orchestra: Nutcracker Suite

From Cracked: “Why is a wolf-tiger hybrid groping its own tail while it plots to eat that girl? Why is a clown head sitting in a bush? Was the clown decapitated? If so, why’d he die with such a smile on his face? What part of the Nutcracker Suite was that in? Is that a log next to the clown head, or a slowly decomposing alligator? Why isn’t the cold preserving its corpse? Has there always been this much snow in hell? So many questions.” Yes, this is a cover that’s bound to give any child nightmares. And the ballet was pretty creepy, too.

Of course, I couldn’t do a Christmas album post this year without including Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker Suite.

44. The Rhodes Kids: Rock n’ Rhodes Christmas

From Chudbeaglemusic Blog: “It has been said the studio sessions for The Rhodes Kids were fraught with debauchery of cocaine binges, physical fights, sexual attacks on stuffed animals and worse yet…those ghastly outfits. The Rhodes Kids currently have a massive following in Fiji and still tour there.”

Seems like the Rhodes Kids have been good enough this year for a personal visit from Santa Claus himself.

45. Cee Lo Green: Cee Lo’s Magic Moment

Now this is just so ridiculous like that Chess King vintage ad from the 1980s. But man, it’s sure a purple yuletide dream or nightmare.

While Santa has his sleigh and reindeer, Cee Lo has his flying sports car pulled by majestic and magical white horses.

46. Silver Sounds of Christmas

Now I heard they used this bird in a movie called The Snowbird Before Christmas. It was a slasher horror movie. And yes, this guy was the one killing everyone on Christmas Eve.

Hear the silver sounds of Christmas and freak out your child with an album of a scary Santa bird on the cover.

47. Sherwin Linton: Christmas Memories

Kids, you might not like getting clothes for Christmas. But if you do, you will never look as tacky as this guy. Yes, the 1970s weren’t the best decade for fashion.

Yes, nothing’s better on Christmas morning than sitting down with your pair of pink platform shoes and a horrendously ugly sweater.

48. Sy Mann: Switched on Santa

Still, I was expecting Santa to have access to state of the art technology most intelligence agencies operate on. This makes me a bit disappointed. Oh wait, that’s a synthesizer, dammit. Yeah, those can be quite annoying.

So that’s how Santa spies on kids to know whether they’re bad or good. So you better be good for goodness sake.

49. Jeri Kelly: Poor Ole’ Santa Claus

I don’t know about you. But I really have a bad feeling about that girl seeing Santa in his underwear and a present behind his back.

Poor Santa. Someone stole his suit and now he has nothing on but long underwear.

50. Yuletide Disco

I’m sure wearing garlands of tinsel might not cover you up for long. And I’m sure it’s not comfortable to wear. Also, looks incredibly ridiculous. Just saying.

Because, ladies, Christmastime is a time of year when you put on the tight pants and tinsel and boogie.

Deck the Halls with These Christmas Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 1, 2015

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Yes, it’s that time of year again when people start putting up their Christmas decorations. You have the tree, the lights, the nativity scenes, the wreaths, the stockings, and what not. And all not only to make your home a source for holiday cheer and delight, but also to be the envy of your neighbors. Of course, most people tend to buy certain decorations at the local store. But for a long time many people just simply made their own since it’s cheaper and it reuses old stuff lying around the house. Also, most schoolkids usually create at least one Christmas creation in art class. The one I remember most was of a nutcracker soldier I made in fifth grade but a bit of the shiny paper folded while it was being laminated. Nevertheless, my parents still hang it up on the back of the front door. Still, you can see plenty of yuletide craft projects on Pinterest as you might be aware of. But while many people see Christmas craft projects as kids’ stuff, Pinterest will make you beg to differ and I didn’t have to look far and wide to tell you so. Believe me, I didn’t have to look very hard and it’s pretty difficult for me to know which decorations to put on and which to leave out. So for your reading pleasure, I present you some of the wide multitude of Christmas craft projects you might find charming for your Christmas home.

Grace your front door with this festive candy cane decoration.

Yes, it might look straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. But I’m sure you and your family will love it.

2. Snowflakes always show up well if they’re made of wood and covered in lights.

Now these were created from pallet wood like you’d see from old crates. Of course, with a little assembly and white paint, they are pure Christmas magic when hung outside with the lights.

3. For only a nickel, you can buy a snowball from this snowman.

Okay, not really because most people either can make their own snowballs for free or don’t have snow on the ground as we speak. Still, this is just so adorable I had to put it on my post.

4. Keep your silverware in order for guests this Christmas with these stockings.

Yes, these are stockings for holding silverware for the holiday guests. And they only hold 3 a piece. But still kind of clever to say the least.

5. Make your own little Christmas tree this year with small flower pots and button ornaments.

Now you can buy the little flower pots at any craft store before painting them green. Still, this is just a very adorable little Christmas tree if you ask me.

6. Have burned out Christmas bulbs lying around? Dip them in glitter and put them in glass block.

Glitter: giving new life to burned out Christmas light bulbs as decorations so you won’t have to throw them away. Now this is so pretty to say the least.

7. You don’t have a great candy cane unless you have one of ribbon and crocheted lace.

Yes, that doesn’t seem to go with a proper candy cane twisty color scheme. But it looks like something that you can hang from a tree. Besides, it’s clever.

8. Want to spread some holiday cheer? Well, these wine glass will certainly make great candle holders.

Now these consist of a gingerbread man, penguin, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, an elf, Santa, the Grinch, and a snowman. And I see a lot of these have glitter.

9. Got little kids and pets but love baubles? Then I supposed these crocheted ones will be perfect for the bottom of your Christmas tree.

And they seem to come in several different colors in a box. Nevertheless, they’re likely all stuffed so you won’t have to worry about your kids or animals breaking them.

10. If you want to let it snow, then this crocheted snowman wreath is perfect for your front door.

Of course, in my area the most snow you’ll get this time of year is perhaps a few inches that will melt away as the day goes on. Yeah, my area doesn’t get a lot of snow during the holiday season.

11. Make a Christmas tree ornament with wire and beads.

Now I wouldn’t recommend this for little kids. However, it does look quite nice, doesn’t it?

12. To make your Christmas tree baubles look more festive, cover them with bead covers like this.

Now you might see decorations like these on older Christmas decorations. Still, this looks quite neat and best of all it’s purple to match.

13. Love woodland creatures? Perhaps this owl tree topper will go well for your Christmas tree.

Because nothing makes a Christmas tree look more alive in nature than with an owl on top. Sure it won’t light up like other tree toppers would. But it’s so cute you won’t care.

14. Nothing says Christmas than a large candy cane hanging from your front door.

Of course, you’ll know it’s Christmas if you see this on somebody’s front door. Yeah, bright white and red really stands out.

15. Bring in the ho, ho, ho, Christmas spirit with these Santa Claus wine bottle decorations.

Now if you have old wine bottles lying around, painting Santas on them is a clever idea. Wonder what they used to make the tops.

16. Count down the days till Christmas with this felt Christmas tree advent calendar.

Now this would be a great advent calendar if you’re a religion class teacher. I mean the ornaments on this are teeming with biblical imagery here. However, whether you’re a Christian or not, this does look pretty cool if you ask me.

17. Or you can go with the advent calendar wreath option, of course.

Wonder what’s inside these tissue wrappers for the days. Is it candy, Christmas messages, or something else?

18. For those who don’t have a taxidermied deer head for a reindeer, perhaps you should try making one instead.

Now this cute, cardboard deer is a clever and festive decoration. But unlike taxidermy, it won’t creep out the kids.

19. Nothing says Christmas better than a crocheted Christmas tree.

Now this is something kids can play with. And it’s just so adorable. Still, wonder how they got the ornaments on the tree though.

20. Nothing brings holiday cheer to your family than these Santa cone hats.

And yes, these are certainly bedazzling indeed. However, when seeing these, I can’t help thinking you’d expect to see these hats in Dr. Seuss.

21. Tired of assembling a nativity scene? Why not hang one up from the wall?

Now one has the 3 wise men following a star. One has Mary and Joseph with the baby Jesus. And one has the shepherds watching their flocks by night.

22. This reindeer ornament will be a great addition for any Christmas tree.

Okay, it’s not really a reindeer. But seriously, our pop culture usually gets it wrong when we show reindeer on Christmas specials, anyway. Still, its antlers are covered in glitter.

23. Blow some tissues this year with this Santa Claus tissue dispenser.

Now this is a cute decorative idea. Still, that buckle and belt are clearly embroidered and it’s trimmed by fake fur.

24. This snowman kettle will surely make a fine centerpiece at any Christmas table.

Yes, the snowman is painted on, possibly by a repressed art major. And yes, the foliage is fake. Still, you have to love this.

25. Live in the desert, well, this Saguaro Christmas cactus ornament will go fine with your Christmas tree or Christmas cactus.

Now we should remember that the Saguaro cactus is only available on the Southwest US and Mexican deserts. Still, it’s a clever twist for a Christmas tradition.

26. Light up a shadow nativity scene this year with glass blocks and lights.

Yes, it’s another nativity scene pertaining to cut outs. Still, I think it’s quite amazing, especially when lit up at night.

27. Make you home a Christmas candy palace with this gingerbread, candy cane, and lollipop Christmas wreath.

Now this wreath contains felt candies and goodies of your own delights. And it’s so adorable to put on any door.

28. If you love decorating for the holiday season with penguins, then you’ll love these flower pot waddlers.

Of course, most penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere which is nowhere near the north pole. But they’re so cute that nobody cares whether they’re used for Christmas decorations or not.

29. Make your home a holiday winter wonderland with this snowflake feather wreath.

Now this is covered in feathers and craft snowflakes you’d buy at a craft store. Nevertheless, wouldn’t mind having this on my door if you ask me.

30. Make your holiday season jolly with these Santa Claus paint brushes.

Yes, I know paint brushes aren’t often used as decorative items. Still, these are so clever and adorable if you ask me. Whoever thought of these was a genius.

31. Wow your holiday guests with this Christmas hat stand.

Yes, it’s a literal Christmas hat stand with funky red and green hats. And yes, I’m sure your guests will love it, especially if they’re fans of Dr. Seuss.

32. Want to build a small Christmas village display? Get a wreath.

Now I find a Christmas village wreath a particularly charming idea. Doesn’t hurt that it goes with the village below on the table.

33. Bring the holiday spirit into your home with this Christmas wreath.

Now this has a candy cane design with a little green, And it includes a snowman, bow, berries, a branch, and “Merry Christmas” in tags.

34. For a wintry spirit on your Christmas tree, it helps if your felt skates have paper clip blades.

Now the paper clip ice skate idea is quite clever for ornaments. However, as far as the Christmas season goes, it hasn’t been too icy from where I live.

35. Be in the festive spirit this Christmas by wearing these Christmas tree earrings.

Now these are made from beads and wire. However, they’re not as kitschy as some of the other Christmas jewelry you’d probably see.

36. For a more advent calendar design, may I suggest you go with a snowman?

Now this is made like a clock. Yet, you use the carrot to count down the days of December.

37. Have some old jewelry? Well, you can always make a Christmas tree collage out of it.

Now I’ve seen a lot of these on Pinterest and many are said to be vintage. Yet, this one sure looks pretty if you ask me.

38. This Christmas make your home a winter wonderland with a snowman Christmas tree.

Now this is a small Christmas tree that’s made to look like a cute snowman. And yes, it looks like each part is surrounded by wreath garlands, too.

39. I don’t know about you, but I think there’s a Grinch in that Christmas tree.

Actually that’s part of the tree decor. Somehow , the resident had some bright green tights and some red fabric. Still, it’s pretty funny.

40. I’m sure this pot soldier would make a great sentry for your holiday home.

No, not that kind of pot soldier. This one is a toy soldier made from flower pots stacked against each other and painted accordingly.

41. With beads and wire, you can make a snowflake ornament that glimmers on the tree.

Now the bead work on this is quite intricate if you ask me. But it sure looks pretty.

42. Seems like this snowman is busy with knitting this season.

Now this is a knitted snowman with a hat, scarf, and knitting to boot in sub zero temperatures. Then again why it feels to do this, I don’t have the slightest idea.

43. Nothing emphasizes the spirit of giving than a wreath made of gifts.

Now a wreath made of little presents can be as colorful as you like. And this one even comes with a tag.

44. If you love winter, then you’ll certainly adore this snowflake glass block.

Yes, it’s quite pretty and intricate as you might see. But you have to love it and admire the craftsmanship.

45. Nothing says, “Merry Christmas” this holiday season than a candy cane wreath.

Now in order to have a candy cane wreath, it just has to have red and white stripes of some variation. Still, I like the snowflake on this.

46. Grace your Christmas home with a wooden panel with a red ribbon star.

Now this just has a long ribbon on some screws in order to make a bright star. Some might scratch their heads on this, but I like it.

47. A wooden reindeer will certainly bring the Christmas spirit from the great outdoors.

Now this one uses logs for the body and twigs for the antlers. To some it’s ingenious but to others, it looks like a waste of firewood.

48. If you’re not the most jolly during the Christmas season, you can always go with a Grinch wreath.

Not sure what that material is but reminds me of moss. However, this is pretty clever if you ask me. Like the eyes and the Santa hat.

49. If you have kids but not a lot of space, then this felt nativity hanging will do quite nicely.

Now this one includes King Herod and the innkeeper, who aren’t the better characters in the story. Still, though Herod probably didn’t order a baby massacre around Jesus’s birth, he wasn’t a nice guy and executed several members of his own family.

50. Grace your home this Christmas with a red and green wooden sleigh with a snowman.

Now my family has a painted Christmas sled. But it doesn’t look like this one at all. Still, I think it’s adorable.

51. Of course, nothing says Christmas than a painted rock nativity scene.

Now this is an interesting twist on the nativity scene as you see here. Still, like how they used the burlap sack as the stable.

52. For a jolly holiday season, this Santa wreath is a great bet.

Now this has a belt and “ho, ho, ho” on the top. It also seems to be covered in red feathers for festive emphasis.

53. For those spending Christmas near the beach, you might appreciate these shell Christmas trees.

Yes, the iridescence may not make it look like shell. But it is. It’s just the underside. These are also topped with a starfish, too.

54. For your little one this Christmas, this crocheted snowman cap will keep them warm and snug.

Now most of the crocheted caps I’ve seen on Pinterest pertaining to Christmas seem to be for children. This didn’t seem to be the case when it came to Star Wars.

55. Nothing says Christmas like a button collage of a Christmas tree.

Well, it’s not all buttons. But I’m not sure which ones are part of the tree and which ones are supposed to be ornaments. Then again, maybe that’s the point.

56. Add some heart to your Christmas tree with this amigurumi ornaments.

Now this has all kinds of woodland creatures, a gingerbread house, Santa, a mushroom, an acorn, a reindeer, and a lady with a babuska. And yes, they’re quite cute to say the least.

57. Nothing makes a better tree topper this Christmas than a crocheted angel.

Now crocheted angels are pretty common vintage decorations, as I’ve seen at my grandparents’ house. Yet, I think this one is much less creepy than ones with doll heads.

58. Greet winter this holiday season with a snowman wreath at your front door.

Now I like how they have scarves in so many different colors. Also like their bead eyes and buttons as well. So cute.

59. I’m sure using old jewelry would make a great star to top your Christmas tree.

Yes, it looks like a wire star with jewelry all over it. But I think it looks quite pretty nonetheless.

60. Flowers in a candy cane vase make an excellent Christmas centerpiece.

Of course, the flowers are fake for obvious reasons. But still, you have to like the candy cane decor on this and the red bow.

61. Nothing makes a cuter Christmas tree than a pine cone.

Now I’ve seen quite a few pine cone Christmas trees on Pinterest. This one is supposed to give the impression of a tree covered in snow.

62. Get in the festive spirit this year with this Christmas tree advent calendar.

Now this is similar with the religious symbol Christmas tree advent calendar I put on earlier. Yet this one has more conventional symbols.

63. Got old socks with holes in them or missing partners? Make snowmen out of them.

Now each of these has their own winter gear to stand out. Not sure which one I like the best out of this bunch.

64. Of course, who knew that polar bears could climb trees?

Actually Polar bears don’t climb trees because they don’t live where there’s many of them. However, this is cute if you ask me.

65. Remember some ornaments don’t always have to be on the tree. You can even hang some from inside the window.

Now this looks pretty clever. However, I wouldn’t recommend this for cat owners. Or parents with little kids.

66. Think red and green is too boring? You can always do a wreath with baubles.

Now I think they used wire to keep the baubles in place. However, I think this might be a delicate process since baubles are easily breakable by design.

67. For Christmas candle holders, I suggest you go with a more rustic feel.

Now these holders come from logs as far as I know. And they’re in a tray with some fake berries and evergreen branches.

68. Grace your front door this Christmas with a large decorative poinsettia.

And the best part is, you don’t have to toss it after New Years. And yes, that sure looks so pretty.

69. Got candy canes? Make a wreath out of them.

Well, I’ve shown some candy cane stuff earlier. But this is just unbelievably intricate. Like the snowflake though.

70. When it comes to lights, my I suggest you go with some crocheted options?

Now they might not light up your tree. But they’ll look great nevertheless.

71. If you like horses, then you’ll love this decoration for your front door.

Now this is pretty cool. Like how the mane has long pine needles and a flower.

72. With a vinyl record and coffee can, you can make a snowman hat.

Yes, this is a snowman hat. No, this isn’t intended to be used on real snowmen. It’s just a decorative item.

73. When it comes to decorating the tree, you can’t go wrong with these mitten ornaments.

Now these are red with bows of holly and pine branches. Still, these are adorable.

74. Not sure whether a candy cane covered candle smells like peppermint.

Now this is a candle covered with candy canes as well as fastened with a bow and holly. Of course, you don’t want a fire hazard in this which is why the wick is further down.

75. Keep warm this holiday season with this Christmas holly afghan.

Now this is quite pretty. Love the holly design on this.

76. If you love angels, then this angel in lace is for you to cherish on your Christmas mantel.

Yes, it’s an angel all covered in lace. But it sure looks so pretty and goes well with the cloth.

77. A pine cone Christmas tree isn’t festive without bead ornaments.

Yes, this is another pine cone Christmas tree. However, this one is decorated in glitter and beads to create a better festive look.

78. For a more rustic home, these stick snowflakes will do quite nicely.

Now these snowflakes may not be white. But I’m sure they would if it was easier to paint them. Still pretty intricate.

79. Greet visitors this Christmas with a stocking on your door.

Yes, it’s quite festive and looks like it’s straight out of Dr. Seuss. Yet, if you don’t care for wreaths, go for it.

80. During Christmas, it’s “Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men” with this ornament.

Now this is made from felt. Nevertheless, I think it’s an ornament because it seems freely hanging. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a wreath.

81. When it comes to Christmas wreaths, the baubles can come in many colors.

Now this is a great wreath if you ask me. Love how they have a rainbow of colors with this. Sure would like to have that on my front door.

82. Greet winter this holiday season with this flower pot snowman.

Now this looks quite rustic if you ask me. Like how it has a flower pot coat and a flower pot hat. Also like the broom and scarf.

83. If you live in Hawaii, a hula skirt gingerbread man will sure go well on your Christmas tree.

So I guess it uses buttons as a coconut shell bra. And embroidery floss is used for the skirt. Still, pretty clever.

84. Experience the nativity like you never had before with this nativity cross.

Yes, this is a nativity cross of carved wood. But still, I think it’s pretty cool how they have the wise men and shepherds.

85. Nothing makes your Christmas brighter than a crystal rainbow angel.

Yes, this is a crystal rainbow angel ornament. And yes, it looks a bit weird. But I like it and I think you will, too.

86. Bring the spirit of Christmas into your home with this large candy cane star.

And yet, I have another candy cane decoration that you can hang from your door. Also contains peppermints and carries the smell.

87. Keep warm in December with your very own snowflake afghan.

Now the snowflakes are so pretty on this one. I also like the blue background, too.

88. Keep your guests’ cutlery in order with this Santa silverware pouch.

Now this is made from felt and only carries a spoon, fork, and knife. But nevertheless, it’s adorable.

89. Await the coming of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with this nativity scene advent calendar.

Got to love the nativity scenes on this. Now this looks very adorable and nice for kids to play with.

90. Enjoy the holiday season with these light bulb penguin Christmas tree ornaments.

Seems to come in 4 different colors. But each one is so cute when you see them. Love their little outfits.

91. Have the nativity at your disposal this Christmas with this nativity scene wood impression garland.

Now you can see that the Holy family is at the center. The livestock and shepherds are on the left. And the wise men and camels are on the right. Well, mostly.

92. Grace your table this Christmas with these snowmen candlesticks.

Now these are adorable. Still, it’s kind of ironic to have snowman candle holders for some reason. Maybe it’s because fire generates heat which makes snow melt.

93. Make spirits bright this holiday season with this Christmas tree glass block.

Well, a stained glass Christmas tree mosaic block. Still, I think it’s just so pretty and creative if you ask me.

94. Nothing captures the magic of Christmas like a crystal Christmas tree.

I know it’s made from wire and beads. But still, It looks so glimmering and beautiful in the sunlit snow. I like it.

95. Got some old jewelry? Make a Christmas tree out of it.

Yes, this is a Christmas tree decorated with jewelry. You might think it’s a bit askew but I think it’s quite shiny and brilliant.

96. Nothing says Christmas like a wooden peg people nativity scene.

Now since I had peg people Hunger Games and Star Wars, I had to go with this. Also like the simple stable design as well. Yes, this is cute.

97. Give your home a rustic feel during the holidays with this reindeer sled.

Now this is a beautiful sled. However, it’s just for decoration, not for actual sledding.

98. If you love the countryside, then you’ll like this rustic window wreath.

Think of it as a wreath but it has a wooden window pane as well as berries and pine cones all over it. Also like the bird.

99. Grace your Christmas table this year with these Pom Pom Branches in a vase.

Yes, these are branches covered in all sorts of different colored pom poms. Yes, it looks straight out of Dr. Seuss. Don’t ask me what it has to do with Christmas but I think it’s festive.

100. Stumped on outdoor Christmas decor this year? Then go with these Santas.

Yes, these are Santa faces painted on logs and come in 3 different sizes bound together. And yes, it’s adorable. Can also be used indoors, too.

NSFW Elf on the Shelf (a. k. a. the Post I Ruin a Stupid Christmas Tradition) (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 28, 2015

Elf on the Shelf

Last year, I did an Elf on the Shelf post showing how naughty Santa’s little spies could be once they’re in the world of children’s homes. And you can bet, these hypocritical elves will be in doing naughty stuff in your home this year while they’re reporting your kids misbehavior to the big guy in the red suit. Yes, they want to make sure your kid certainly qualifies for the “nice list” before they leave your homes on Christmas Eve. But that doesn’t mean they have to be nice since I’ve found plenty of naughty Elf on the Shelf pictures on the Internet and made a whole post with them. Of course, since all my fans have loved last year’s naughty Elf on the Shelf post, I decided to follow up with another one this year. Yes, I know that it can only “move” around when the residents are asleep or when no one is around. But since we have so many naughty elves in so many houses not adhering to behavioral standards, I highly suggest that parents keep an eye on their resident Elf on the Shelf with aid of camera or the Internet. And report whenever the elf is breaching professional conduct. Yes, you’d like to think they’re doing their job but you never know for sure. And by naughty, I don’t mean childish mischief that makes children laugh. No, I mean stuff that would ruin a children show entertainer’s career or something your child won’t be able to watch in a movie below PG-13. So when you see your resident Elf on the Shelf behaving very inappropriately, remember to take a picture, show it on the Internet, and call this hotline to report it to Santa via 1-800-555-BAD-ELF1. Now without further adieu, I bring you more naughty moments from Elves on the Shelves behaving very badly. Warning: most of these pictures aren’t for kids and aren’t safe for work.

“Stop right where you are, your money or your life.”

Uh-oh, seems like Grimpleskins is trying to commit a highway robbery near the living room couch. Might be time to buy some toy police to arrest his ass.

2. Aww, Bilbo and Snowflake are snuggling near the Christmas decorations.

Okay, they’re not snuggling. Nothing to see here, kids. Oh, come on, can’t you just keep it in your pants and save it for the North Pole for God’s sake?

3. Seems like little Tommy Tucker’s mishaps have been too much for Nucky to handle.

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Why did he have to poison himself? Why? Was that kid really such a brat? Or was the job just too hard?

4. Don’t look now but I think Trimmer has just committed grand theft auto at the Finklesteins.

Boy, someone’s going to get in trouble with the authorities tonight. Man, Trimmer really has no idea what the hell he’s getting into here.

5. And you thought seeing your mommy kissing Santa Claus was a traumatizing childhood experience. You haven’t seen nothing yet.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Robinson, have to cheat on your husband with Clinker here. Just you wait until your hubby and kiddies come home from Christmas shopping for your present.

6. Now what the hell is Bimble Bob doing in leopard underwear and a 1970s pornstache?

No, Bimble Bob, being at the Ellertons home is no way to get some free mustache rides. Seriously, you’re a complete and utter perv.

7. Holy shit, Winklekins, what the hell have you done to Barbie?

Good God, Winklekins, you’re a monster! Burying Barbie out in the yard like that makes you a sick son of a bitch. You’ll pay for this.

8. Seems like Pringle likes to creatively express himself in his artwork.

“All right, Suzie, now show me your tits. Yeah, I’m liking this. Now stay still until I get this down on canvas. It’ll be for my private enjoyment.”

9. Since deer hunting season is around this time, Slinky thought he’d go and grab himself a buck when the Bailey kiddies were in school.

Jesus Christ, he killed Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer! You bastard! Wait until Santa Claus hears about this! Boy, are you gonna be in North Pole jail after this season.

10. Timble is just on the tree to look what’s under the angel’s dress.

Man, you’re a sick elf, Timble. Looking up the tree angel’s dress. Have you no decency?

11. Aww, that’s sweet, Timkins is hanging out with the smurfs.

Holy shit! He’s captured them and is liquifying them to death in a blender! And he doesn’t seem to have an ounce of remorse over doing so.

12. Now that’s nice, Marvel decided to do some Christmas shopping.

And he seems to have made off with Mrs. Pirelli’s purse when she’s looking to buy something for her husband. What an asshole. Someone call security.

13. Seems Darth Vader finds Mittleskins’s lack of faith disturbing.

Oh, Mittleskins, what did you do to upset Lord Vader? Well, whatever it is, I’m afraid no one can help you now. Yeah, Vader isn’t a guy who takes mischief lightly.

14. “Sorry, but Glimmer and Freddie have been very naughty lately so I’m the new Elf on the Shelf at the Gregson house this year.”

Yeah, Pebbles somehow had the other two elves taped to the wall by the other toys for their misconduct. But it’s possible that he’s more evil than either of them.

15. Well, it seems that Bella made the front page.

Oh, dear. You mean she’s the one who killed those people with a meat cleaver? Good God, what the hell’s wrong with the North Pole background check system?

16. I think Ollie might have a serious partying problem.

Ollie, how many Jose Cuervos did you have? Yeah, I think you might’ve had enough for one night. Yeah, take a rest will you?

17. I don’t know about you but it seems Dinkles is enjoying his stay at the Henslers a little too much.

Yes, Dinkles, the Henslers might be nice people. But that doesn’t mean you should put yourself in their picture frames. Seriously, you need psychiatric help.

18. It’s said that Randy is a natural when it comes to cars.

Oh, is he going to let air out of the tires. Now that can’t be good. Seriously, he needs to stay out of the garage at all times.

19. “Pour me some Samuel Adams, Woody.”

Hey, Woody, before you pour some Sam Adams to Plinkie through the funnel, may I suggest you call an intervention? I think he might have a drinking problem.

20. “Tonight’s the night, Gnomey, and you will pay for what you did to those flamingos on the front yard. Yes, you will.”

Uh, I think Jangles has been watching too much Dexter lately. Yeah, I think murdering a gnome for vigilante justice is taking things a little too far.

21. Seems like Crinkler got himself into the Westons’s bathroom medicine cabinet.

Uh, Crinkler, those aren’t candy. Those are medicines, possibly coming from a prescription. They’re not for you.

22. Hey, looks like Santa has come down from the North Pole to play some games with Zippy.

Unfortunately, the game in question is beer pong, which isn’t good for your liver. Yeah, these two are going to be wasted by sunrise.

23. Okay, Finney, you really shouldn’t be getting into Mr. and Mrs. Templeton’s things.

And it seems that Finney is really messing up with the Trojans by sticking pins through them. Yeah, you probably shouldn’t do that and I’m sure Mr. and Mrs. Templeton won’t appreciate it.

24. Quick, seems like Mr. Clavier needs to be in the ER ASAP. His finger won’t stop bleeding.

Oh, my God, how could you do this, Brumpet? You’re a sick elf all right. I think the family might need to talk to Santa about this incident.

25. Of course, Rimple can be quite a fatalist at times.

Let’s hope whatever Rimple said on the toilet roll doesn’t pertain to murder or the apocalypse. Yeah, he’s not quite right in the head to get my drift.

26. Whenever he’s not spying on the Falkner children, Handy likes to enjoy himself at the local club.

Unfortunately, it’s the place with the pole dancing Barbie strippers. And when he has more dough, it’s said that he even pays for lap dances.

27. “The best thing about being at a girl’s house is that you can get plenty of tail.”

“Yes, Betty, that’s a nice rack you have. Now, ladies, let’s get down to business. Please don’t keep me waiting till Christmas Eve because I want my presents early this year.”

28. Tony’s favorite room in the house is the kitchen and his favorite part is the knife block.

Oh, I really have a bad feeling about this. I think Tony just might have murder on the mind by the looks of it.

29. Oh, dear God, Hanny just totaled the Barbie car!

Oh, shit, now he needs some medical attention, if he’s still alive. He should’ve been looking both ways before the vacuum rammed into him.

30. Of course, when Mr. Harris went to work the next morning, his co-workers couldn’t stop laughing at his new haircut.

No, Mr. Harris, your barber didn’t mess up this time. Trust me. Your wife could swear it was certainly Brimbles did it while you were sleeping.

31. Of course, Flicker likes to surf the net from time to time.

Yeah, if your browser history is unusually filled with elf porn, you might need to call Santa. Then again, I’m sure there aren’t elf women like that at the North Pole anyway.

32. In his spare time, Trinkles loves to look inside the neighbors’ windows.

Let’s hope he’s not watching from the parents’ room. Because that would basically make him a peeping tom. Yeah, I think everyone deserves privacy now and then.

33. Seems like Trippy is a bit buzzed at the moment.

Yeah, I’m sure Mrs. Gillespie will be very impressed by you doing cocaine on her kitchen counter, Trippy. She’ll probably call the cops and tell them all about it. Wouldn’t that be nice?

34. Looks like Santa and Sam the Snowman are really taking to Himey.

Is he doing to Santa what I think he’s doing? And what the hell is Sam the Snowman? Oh, never mind. Still, this is just so disturbing on multiple levels.

35. Oh, shit, now Mrs. Flenderson’s gingerbread Christmas village is destroyed. What’s she going to do?

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And ti seems like Dinkler here just had to get some gingerbread to wreck everything. How nice. And he seems to have a little grin on his face.

36. When Pauly is at the Nichols’ place, he occasionally likes to film some home movies before returning to the North Pole on Christmas Eve.

Unfortunately, he tends to have very terrible taste in quality entertainment. And as you see, he’s one sick and twisted individual. Yeah, I’m sure Santa will be pleased (sarcasm).

37. Looks like Trinkles got in some sort of trouble in Lego Land recently.

I’m not sure what Trinkles did to be tied down by the Lego people. But whatever it is, I’m sure the Lego people viewed it pretty serious.

38. Don’t look now but it seems that the Boss Elf has been tied down at the moment.

And tied down, I’m not kidding to say the least. Yes, Hermy has tied him down with some string and duck tape. And he plans to flatten him with a rolling pin. This can’t be good.

39. Here’s Timmy with Mr. Wilson. Wonder what went on there?

Did Timmy just murder Mr. Wilson in the kitchen and took a selfie? Seriously, that is just sick! Yeah, might want to call the authorities.

40. Uh, Phil, I’m afraid those aren’t craft supplies or weapons.

I think those might be tampons. I’m positive. And no, Phil, they’re not for you to play with. Seriously, it’s a personal item.

41. Aww, Crystal is making paper snowflake decorations. Isn’t that sweet?

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Okay, now a paper snowflake can have many designs. Now those look like a massive waste of paper because they’re too inappropriate for children to see.

42. Of course, since it’s legal in Colorado, Perry thought he’d just sample some local bong.

Yeah, pot might be legal in Colorado. But that doesn’t mean you should smoke some bong while you’re watching the Griggs’ children during the holiday season.

43. “Okay, tell me what the combination is or I’ll waterboard you some more.”

Uh, can someone give Blitzer the memo that enhanced interrogation techniques don’t work like they do in Hollywood? Just saying. Also, someone should call Santa over this.

44. Nice to see that Ginger is a real bookworm. Wonder what she’s reading this year?

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Oh, she’s reading the Fifty Shades Trilogy. Yeah, not the kind of book I’d expect from an Elf on the Shelf.

45. I think Mrs. Lopez might want to check her underwear drawer at the moment.

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Yeah, I think Plinko might be a bit of a perv or have some sort a fetish. Wonder if it’s because looking at his fellow lady elves’ underwear makes him look way too creepy to his peers.

46. Looks like Jasper likes to take candy cane by the spoonful.

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Wait a minute, he’s doing crack, right? Okay, I think this guy really needs help because that stuff is highly addictive.

47. “Okay, all of you, on Christmas Eve, you’re going to the North Pole with me.”

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Okay, is it just me or is Flaker making some side money on toy figure trafficking? Someone might want to call the Toyland authorities on this guy along with Santa.

48. “I’ve got you now, Chicago Bears nutcracker, any last requests until I light you into a stove top bonfire?”

“Sorry, bub, but I just happen to be a Greenbay Packers fan, thank you very much. Now let’s light ’em so to speak.”

49. Seems like Trinket has created his own sleigh with reindeer.

Sorry, but making a sleigh from a case and beer cans isn’t really appropriate for a family Christmas. Also, there aren’t 12 reindeer and they all don’t have red noses.

50. Uh-oh, seems like there may be some mishap with the peanut butter.

Now that doesn’t look good. Yeah, dog licking Bringle’s ass while he’s on the snow globe. Nothing to see here, kids.

51. “I’d just love me some Malibu Barbie during the holiday season.”

Of course, Ningle’s idea of a Malibu Barbie is some Malibu rum and a bunch of Barbies in a blender. Now that’s just sick.

52. Seems like Boba Fett has a bounty for Jabba the Hutt.

Well, at least Icky didn’t get frozen in carbonite. Then again, what’s going for him can’t be great either.

53. “All right! Tell me which list I’m on this year and whether I’m getting a new Xbox for Christmas! And I better be on the nice list or I’ll get totally naughty on your ass if I’m not!”

Apparently, Quinty seemed to have given some boy’s soldier doll some wrong ideas about Christmas. And he’s basically gone full action movie commando on his ass.

54. Well, as they say, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Interesting how they tend to defecate chocolate chips. Still, would it be disgusting if I scooped some from the candle and ate it? Probably.

55. “All right, Biggles, tell me where Santa’s money is if you want to live!”

Of course, Biggles might be damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t in this situation. Still, this is just so hard to see.

56. Well, Winkyskins seems to have fallen onto the kitchen floor this time.

And he seems to be wielding a big ass knife. Guess Winkyskins wasn’t as right in the head as we thought.

57. Don’t worry, I’m sure Hinky will help you make the cookies.

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Looks like Hinky must have the grizzly shits real bad this time that he’s pooping Hershey’s kisses. Yeah, seems very unappetizing does it?

58. Oh, my God, Trinky, what the hell have you done to your face?

Hey, is that the Mike Tyson tattoo Stu got from the Hangover 2? Yeah, really not a good idea if you ask me.

59. “I’m sure nobody will know the difference if I wash this toothbrush in toilet water.”

Let’s just say if you knew knew your toothbrush was immersed in toilet water, you’d probably get another one. Yeah, it’s pretty gross to brush your teeth after your toothbrush has been through that.

60. “I’ll just trim Rover’s claws with these cutters I’ve found in the garage.”

I think Rover might wake up in the process if Triggles isn’t too careful. Still, clipping claws really not a good idea.

61. Hmmm…Trigger is making some tootsie rolls.

Oh, so that’s how they’re made. Makes me never want to eat a tootsie roll again. Yeah, really gross if you think about it.

62. “Sorry, Barbie, but you’ll be dead when that train runs over you.”

I think the train might be a little too small to run Barbie over. I mean it’s all a matter of weight ratios here.

63. Oh, my God, Tinkler’s been dissected.

Okay, now that’s not cool. Seriously, that’s just downright creepy. Sorry, kids, but he won’t be back next Christmas season.

64. Holy shit, Jangles killed Elmo! That bastard!

Yeah, I’m sure Jangles is going to be in big trouble. I mean there’s a Hulk down below. And you don’t want to get Hulk angry.

65. “Sorry, Gussy, but I’ll have to tape you to a cabinet this time. And no, I won’t let you say anything.”

Of course, I can understand Buzz taping the elf to the cabinet. Sorry, but Gussy kind of gives me the creeps if you ask me.

66. “Oh, no, not the buttons! Not the gumdrop buttons!”

And he just had to behead the Gingerbread Man. Still, didn’t know that they bled. Wasn’t expecting that.

67. “Of course, bath time ain’t fun unless you get psycho.”

Yes, Gringy just had to behead 2 Barbies and strangle Bell with a shower hose. Now that’s just lovely. Actually, that’s disturbing.

68. “Et tu, Brute?”

Let me guess, the dead elf is Julius Caesar, right? How can I guess? Also, shouldn’t the other two Ken dolls also have knives?

69. “All right, Gracie, now you’ve used your lotion long enough!”

Man, seems like Inky has put Gracie in a real shitty hostage situation. Really should tell Santa about that. Seriously, you should.

70. Trinker always loves it whenever Barbie goes in the shower.

Boy, is he such a perv and a peeping tom. Let’s hope when Ken gets home, he’s going to nail Trinker’s ass to kingdom come.

71. “I’m sure she didn’t see me robbing her jewelry box.”

Sorry, but a nylon stocking doesn’t construe facial features. That’s just a fact. Also, I’m sure those jewels aren’t as worth as much as Hinkle thinks. I bet any money on that.

72. “All dressed up in my glow bracelets and ready to rave.”

Of course, Jinxer is bound to return totally high on ecstasy and totally wasted on alcohol. Then again, he’s probably just wearing glow stick bracelets. But still.

73. Of course, when you get up in the morning, you should always check your coffee.

This is especially true when Gwinnet puts laxatives in Mr. Tishel’s morning coffee. Sorry, Mr. Tishel, but probably don’t have diarrhea.

74. “What do you think I should do? Should one of us kill him?”

Wonder what Klinky did now that made the nutcracker soldiers tape him to a panel and guard him. Must have been pretty bad if you ask me.

75. “He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny… He looks like a pink nightmare!”

Well, wouldn’t anyone who’s not a 4-6 year old girl? Seriously, I think this is fairly demented if you ask me.

76. “All right, now light ’em up.”

Hmm….Ingles is smoking a cigarette. Now that’s a naughty elf. Hope he likes to have his lungs full of tar and an early death to lung cancer.

77. Okay, what did Gringie just do to deserve this? Because this looks really bad.

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Of course, he should note that Han shot first. Just so you know. Still, I wouldn’t think being held over from a gas burner as very pleasant.

78. “Looks, I’m going to party with some of the hot, drunk elf ladies. Man, it’s going to be great.”

Yeah, what a sick and twisted elf Tringletoes is. And you think he’s an upstanding because he has to report naughty things on kids to Santa. What a hypocrite.

79. “Hey, I didn’t know they have pay-per-view here. I’d like to see what titles they have here. Like to see some naked elf girls.”

Man, Belmer really has a dirty imagination if you ask me. You have to wonder if they have such smut all the time at the North Pole nowadays.

80. “Wonder what Mrs. McElroy would think if I just happened to flush her tic-tacs down the toilet.”

Uh, Hanky, I really don’t think those are tic-tacs. Definitely not tic-tacs. And I’m sure Mrs. McElroy is bound to be pissed when she finds out.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Holy Shit Christmas Vintage Advertising of Yesterday (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 27, 2015

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Once again, Black Friday is upon us again to kick off the official Christmas season. Of course, everyone seems to be well aware of it since businesses tend to advertise the freaking shit out of it. But as last year, I stayed true to my vow and decided that I wasn’t going to do any Christmas stuff until after Thanksgiving. And I have kept it, thank you very much. Now since many of my previous Christmas posts received a ton of views over the last year, I decided to do some second editions for a few of them such as vintage advertising, Elf on the Shelf, treats, albums covers, and sweaters. However, I plan to have some new stuff as well like Christmas crafts and possibly Christmas village sets. Of course, since the holiday season has been greatly commercialized, there are no shortage of advertising. And yes, it’s annoying as hell, especially when you see it earlier in November or before Thanksgiving. Now the olden days certainly had their share of ads as well whether they be for food, decorations, gifts, or whatever. Now you might think that Christmas ads were more wholesome and adorable. However, as I find out through Google Search and Pinterest, that’s not the case. Those who wish to spend early Christmas season fun at home can sit back and relax as I show you a treasure trove of old holiday ads your grandparents don’t want you to know ever existed.

Ladies, be your own Santa this year with your very own Formfit bra.

Okay, the woman wearing nothing but her bra is one thing. However, I think the marionette Santa is even creepier.

2. Santa wishes you a wishfull treefull of Chesterfields this Christmas.

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Yes, Santa decorate an entire Christmas tree with cigarette packs. Seriously, do you really want the kids to have a lot of health problems due to first or secondhand smoke?

3. Rest assured, Santa, she’ll love you for getting Mojud.

I don’t know about you. But from how I see Santa with the nightie, he’s going to be on the naughty list this Christmas. At least when Mrs. Claus finds out. Seriously, Santa is a perv.

4. This Christmas, get yourself a Jantzen figure.

Of course, it’s her turn to play sexy Santa this year. Still, Gladys found out it was better to do it without the creepy Santa mask.

5. Beat the Christmas rush with Bell Telephone system.

Wonder who’s going to rescue the people who are hanging from them? I have no idea why they don’t have any emergency vehicles standing by. Also, I’m sure that sailor will be dead if he falls from the wires.

6. From the Baldwin Clothier Boy’s Department, here’s a book on Christmas stories.

Kind of interested on the story of Duke Pineapple. Wonder if he’s the main antagonist of the early 20th century edition of Fruit Ninja. Or maybe the illustrator was on too much absinthe.

7. I wish I was a reindeer so I can dress like a Christmas tree and spread good cheer in six different flavors.

Not sure if the reindeer is happy with having 6 different jello dishes hanging from his antlers. Also, I’m sure reindeer don’t eat jello at all. They’re more into grass.

8. An Air Way sanitizer is as beautiful as anything under the tree.

Actually that’s not what I’d call beautiful in any respect. Kind of looks like some drink dispenser or a squared Sputnik if you ask me.

9. Nothing makes your kiddies happier in the 1950s than a real Roy Rogers Christmas.

All it costs are some of your parents’s money and your dad’s sense of dignity. Sorry, but playing the part of Trigger is part of being a dad during the 1950s.

10. Why be irritated this Christmas when you can smoke Old Gold?

Uh, I think I’d rather help him by putting up the tree first if I were you, lady. Lighting a cigarette when the tree’s fallen over him is just a fire hazard waiting to happen.

11. This Christmas everyone is shouting about Textron menswear.

So I guess in these pjs, grown men can spend Christmas morning playing cowboys, Indians, and derogatory Indian stereotypes. Also, cowboys riding tricycles as well. And the kid is reading a book.

12. From this Christmas on, make your own movies with the Cine Kodak Eight.

“Now we can use this to spy on our neighbors and see what their combination is to that big freaking safe they have in their house. You thinking what I’m thinking?”

13. Give your loved one a special gift this Christmas: a toilet seat for 5.95.

Now really? Who the hell would be happy getting a toilet seat on Christmas? This is a terrible present for God’s sake. Seriously, why?

14. Don’t know what to give anyone for Christmas? How about some Weed tire chains?

Yes, I’m sure tire chains would make a wonderful Christmas gift. Well, for someone who has no idea how to snow proof their cars. Then again, it’s not the kind of present you’d give to anyone.

15. Santa’s elves are always busy in their workshops making appliances?

Okay, this can’t be right. Aren’t elves are supposed to make toys for kids? Not appliances for their parents for God’s sake. Seriously, what 6 year old kid asks Santa for a waffle iron?

16. This Christmas, visit your loved ones via the Chesapeake and Ohio lines.

Don’t like the look on Santa’s face on this one. Looks like he’s about to pull some cruel prank on these cat and kittens. Like spiking the milk with laxative or something like that.

17. Give your loved ones the gift of comfort this Christmas like a hot water bottle from Wearever.

To be fair, they didn’t have the kind of heating technology we do. However, I don’t think anyone uses hot water bottles anymore, save in cartoons. Also, looks like the kind of gift you’d give your co-worker secret Santa.

18. Give artistic Cinderella magic this Christmas with Rogers lacquer.

Yeah, nothing makes a great Christmas gift than a can of paint varnish. Seriously, that’s what you get in a hardware store, not a Christmas gift.

19. Why have one Santa in your ad when you can have 2?

Now these Santas certainly look different. One is taller and has glasses. Yet, both seem to think that vacuum cleaners make great Christmas gifts for women. As a woman, I find this ad appallingly insulting. Seriously, I loathe vacuum cleaners.

20. Give your wife a kitchen appliance for Christmas from Frigidaire.

Seems like Santa really spent a fortune on that stove, dishwasher, and refrigerator. Still, since when is it her kitchen? It’s their kitchen. It’s their house. Appliances shouldn’t be promoted as gifts for women but for the whole family. Because everyone uses them.

21. Sorry, reindeer, but Santa is updating his sleigh this year to gasoline powered.

Seems like the reindeer union might vote to go on a stampede in Santa’s garage. Yeah, that’s no union at the North Pole I want to mess with. But if your livelihood is in jeopardy, you gotta do what you gotta do.

22. Christmas is the best time of year to get tires because it’s always the year after next that counts.

And it seems that this guy might either need to hit the gym or buy a new Santa suit. Then again, it’s probably worn out. Still, love the look on this wife’s face.

23. When it comes to reading letters from kids, Santa likes to kick back with some White Rock ginger ale and scotch for his scotch and soda.

So, kiddies, don’t be surprised if your letter from Santa sounds about as incomprehensive as your drunk uncle’s Thanksgiving rant. Santa is just very drunk at the moment.

24. Give Mom a break this Christmas with a Hotpoint dishwasher.

Wonder how much this family eats considering the quantity of dishes takes up a whole wall. Seriously, no family has that many dirty dishes.

25. Give a special smoker in your life a White Briar pipe this Christmas by Kaywoodie.

I don’t know about you, but Kaywoodie is a terrible name for a pipe company. Yeah, I can expect the giggles from that one.

26. A Health-O-Meter scale is a Christmas gift with a lift.

Okay, if someone on your wish list didn’t ask for a scale, you shouldn’t get one. Seriously, it might make a receiver wonder whether you think they’re fat. This is especially true for man giving gifts to their girlfriends, fiancees, or wives.

27. For heartburn relief during the holidays, try some Alka-Seltzer.

I don’t know about you but Speedy the Alka-Seltzer kid just seems straight out of my nightmares. I wouldn’t trust him with what he has.

28. For Christmas, Avon Cosmetics are a joy to give and a joy to receive.

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It’s also quite interesting that one of these cosmetics is stored in a golden banana shaped bottle. It just makes me scratch my head for a moment.

29. Usher’s Green Stripe is a 1853 Christmas original.

Now these pictures are so creepy. Well, at least the Victorian kid and the Roman with grapes. Yeah, don’t want to be near them.

30. Keep dry like the English this holiday season with Gordon’s Gin.

Of course, this basically says that the Brits usually spend the holiday season rip roaring drunk on gin, which is the worst alcoholic beverage on the planet. Still, given Britian’s problem with binging, this doesn’t reflect well on the country.

31. Decorate your Christmas tree this year with Noma lights.

Yes, I know the Santa baby is supposed to be adorable. But to me, there’s just something about this cherubic demon child that terrifies me down to the core.

32. This Christmas, deck the halls of your home with easy to make decorations with Styrofoam.

You the packing material stuff that never biodegrades that you can find almost anywhere. Well, you can make decorations with that.

33. Remember that the prettiest Christmas dollies use Scotch hair set tape.

When I see a woman with tape on her face like this, I don’t think I’d brush it off as a decorative enhancement. Hell, I’d wonder whether she needs to leave her boyfriend and file a restraining order. That doesn’t look good.

34. Promise me, Santa, that you’ll take care of my underwear needs from Frederick’s.

Now calling Santa to give you lingerie is one thing. But this woman looks like she’s in the mood for more than just lingerie. I mean look at her suggestive sexy eyes.

35. Be clear and fresh this Christmas with Ivory soap.

Yes, I know this little kid is supposed to look so cute and innocent. But for some reason, she doesn’t even look real and perhaps a bit creepy.

36. Even Santa Clause eats Cream of Wheat for breakfast.

And in this ad, Santa has just alienated one of his big demographics such as black children. Seriously, Rastah is a racist caricature for God’s sake.

37. Webster Cigars makes a great gift for important men.

I bet lady sitting here’s like, “How much longer do I have to endure this dinner sitting next to that douche? Why did I have to spend Christmas with my boyfriend’s family this year instead of taking a plane home to see my folks? Why, sweet Jesus, Why?”

38. Is your child a bed wetter? Then this Christmas, we can help them stop.

Now this is just really insulting. Yes, kids wet the bed at some point in their childhood. But really should there be an ad shaming kids that do? Probably not.

39. Santa Claus would like to wish a, “Big Ho” to Westward Ho Fruit Growers Cooperative.

Of course, nowadays, “Big Ho” has a very different and inappropriate meaning. Yeah, it’s actually very unintentionally funny to once you reach a certain age or start listening to Hip-Hop music.

40. Want to please your lady this Christmas? Buy her a toaster.

Yeah, buy your woman a toaster and she’ll love you for it. Even if she doesn’t ask for one and wants you to give her a gold necklace instead. Now this ad is just plain sexist.

41. This Christmas, get your lady a Bissell “Cyco” Bearing Carpet Sweeper.

I don’t know about you. But Santa doesn’t seem to be on the jolly side here. Seems to be telling the woman to accept this great sweeper and she’d like it or else he’d ram his sleigh and reindeer into her house.

42. Cherish your Christmas moments with your family with this Kodak camera.

Yes, the girl is supposed to be cute and innocent. But for some reason, I sense some evil in her soulless eyes as if she’s strangling the little doll with her chubby fingers.

43. Some people just can’t wait to open their Christmas presents under the tree.

Yes, I know plenty of men like beer. But that doesn’t mean you should give your man box with 24 cans. And if he opens it before Christmas, it might mean that he has a drinking problem.

44. Santa says that electricity is cheap so use more of it, courtesy of Carolina Power & Light Company.

Yes, electricity is great. However, fossil fuel use is not. So perhaps it’d be better to conserve electricity and save energy. Besides, isn’t Santa’s home being threatened by a little thing called climate change? Yeah, I think he should know better.

45. For fair feminine skin this holiday season use Hinds Almond and Honey Cream.

Now I don’t know which is scarier in this. Santa looks pretty terrifying as is. But I think the little girls might just kill him if he doesn’t give them the dolls they wanted.

46. For Santa, Christmas is all about “give and take.”

You see, kids, that wasn’t your dad raiding the fridge on Christmas Eve. That was Santa who ate the turkey before refreshing himself with a bottle of Coca-Cola. Yes, Santa just wants to raid your fridge in exchange for presents.

47. For Christmas, give something useful like Colgate products.

Unless you’re a dentist or have close association with one, I’m not sure Colgate products make good Christmas gift ideas. Seriously, they make toothpaste for God’s sake. Besides, nobody wants to receive a toothbrush for Christmas.

48. Hallmark Christmas cards are always a great idea, now featuring artwork from the Right Honourable Sir Winston Churchill.

Yes, Churchill led Britain during WWII. But would you really buy a Christmas card with one of his paintings? Also, kind of looks a bit skeevy here like he really needs cash at the moment.

49. For the skier in your life, Chesterfield is the ideal cigarette for them.

Now I know skiing might be great exercise. But that doesn’t mean you have to keep your lungs free from tar and nicotine while on the slopes. Because if you don’t ruin your body in a ski accident, you’ll sure ruin it through smoking cigarettes I assure you.

50. This Christmas don’t miss the fun of smoking with Pall Mall.

Yes, don’t miss the fun of smoking and enjoy the thrills of respiratory problems, cancer, cardiovascular disease, premature aging, yellow skin, and early death. Actually, this Christmas I encourage you to miss the fun of smoking because its side effects aren’t very fun at all.

51. Only Santa Claus wouldn’t enjoy this Remington Rolectric this Christmas.

Yeah, Santa doesn’t seem to be very happy with getting a razor for his Christmas present. He’ll probably regift it to Mrs. Claus, hoping she’d use it to shave her legs.

52. May all your dreams come true this Christmas, courtesy of Marlboro.

Of course, since we’re talking about Marlboro, the tobacco company hopes that your dreams don’t consist of living a long and healthy life. Also, Santa smoking a cigarette, really not setting a great example for the kids. Bad, Santa.

53. Treat your son right this Christmas by giving him a 22 from Winchester.

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Now this ad gives dads advice on what to tell their wives when they give their boy’s a Winchester. From the ad: “Suppose you want to give a Winchester 22 to your 12-year-old. But the wife says, “It’s too dangerous now. Wait till he’s older.” What do you tell her? First, tell her exactly why you think a boy should learn to handle guns early. Tell her he may not get a chance later. And too many kids grow up thinking guns are toys. Tell her a boy’s hankering to shoot and go hunting is perfectly normal. Something he’s born with. A part of his American tradition….” Oh, God, give me freaking break.

54. Want a gun this Christmas? Remington has got you covered.

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Because no Christmas present says “Peace on Earth” than something that was designed to kill. Seriously, guns aren’t toys and are terrible Christmas presents.

55. Old Gold Cigarettes are bound to make any man look sexy this Christmas.

However, remember that the sexiness isn’t guaranteed to last if he smokes enough of them. Because he sure won’t look like this in the hospital dying of lung cancer.

56. Give underwear to your family this Christmas with Fruit of the Loom.

Now this has to be one of the most awkward Christmas photos I’ve ever seen. What’s even stranger is how everyone seems so chill with hanging around in their underwear.

57. Make this Christmas safe with Pyrene.

Okay, this looks very scary if you ask me. For one, the guy is totally freaking me out. Second, why the Christmas tree look like it’s on fire? Oh, it’s for a fire extinguisher. That makes sense. But why are the mom and kid so close to it? That’s not safe. Seriously, they need to back away.

58. Remember there are plenty of Christmas gifts made from Reynolds Aluminum.

Still, it seems like Mickey, Donald, and Dumbo get all the nice gadgets and toys while Daisy and Minnie are stuck with kitchen appliances. I’d rather get a camera or a TV than a fridge, stove, or waffle iron.

59. Want your wife to love you more? Give her a dishwasher this Christmas.

From Diply: “‘She’ll love you every time she does the dishes.’ Really? Maybe, she’ll just hold in her resentment and unleash it later.” Then again, it beats washing them in the sink. But appliances should be for the whole family.

60. For your men and boys, give the gift that lasts like Atkins “Silver Steel” Saws.

Because men certainly love a saw with a sharp blade to cut wood with. Of course, the fact psychokillers use them is only coincidental.

61. Be his Christmas star with fashions from Frederick’s of Hollywood.

Yes, bursting out of a Christmas present in a sexy gold dress and cone bra will certainly make you his Christmas star indeed. However, I’m not sure if that woman wants to be a Christmas star to the pervy guy ogling at her. That might just be a routine of hers at the Kit Kat Club.

62. Contemplate your future this holiday season with a Ouija board.

From Buzzfeed: “Really? She’s hearing from a spirit and all she can think to ask is “who’s Debbie date for the prom”!” Yeah, that’s a pretty stupid question along with “Shall I become a model or fashion designer?”

63. This Christmas treat him like a millionaire with BVD pajamas and being his servant.

I’m pretty sure this guy can take off his own slippers. But he seems too much of a douche to do so and makes his wife handle it. Jerk.

64. For the girl in your life, give her Cutex nail polish.

From Buzzfeed: “Just what every girl wants for Christmas: A drug store brand nail polish from her boyfriend.” Yeah, I’m sure no girl is vying for drug store brand nail polish this time of year.

65. Be a real Santa Claus to the wife this Christmas by giving her this washing machine.

Now I’m sure we don’t use those kinds of washing machines nowadays. Still, sexist as hell? I’ll say.

66. Tell him how lovely you are this Christmas with a new holiday party dress.

From Buzzfeed: “If you need a party dress to tell your man how “lovely you are,” then you’ve got bigger problems.” Yeah, your own insecurity. Seriously, if a man can’t see how lovely you are without a party dress, then he won’t if you’re in one.

67. Remember, fellas, nothing says romance than giving your special lady a Hoover for Christmas.

Any boyfriend who gives me a Hoover for Christmas, I swear to God, I will burst into an uncontrollable rage never seen from the depths of hell. To my future husband: a better present would be vacuuming my place when I’m away so I won’t have to deal with the freaking noise. I hate vacuum cleaners!

68. Fellas, when woman gets a recliner, she can get 2 Christmas presents at once.

From Buzzfeed: “So this is TWO Christmas gifts that she apparently doesn’t get to enjoy.” Unfortunately, yes, as a matter of fact. Then again, I think my grandparents might have a chair like this in their house.

69. Do away with a tired and thirsty face this Christmas with Coca Cola.

Now the tired face Santa just removed is just freaky to say the least. Seriously, how did the designer think this was a good idea? I mean why?

70. Nothing makes a great Christmas gift for the kids than a Glad trash bin.

Yeah, I’m sure any kid would be smiling with pride over getting their very own trash bin for Christmas. Seriously, this is a horrible present, especially for children. Also, this one is from France.

Pass the Drumstick with These Thanksgiving Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 16, 2015

Of course, back when we were in school, we all should remember doing some sort of Thanksgiving craft project. I know I have. I mean we all should have some idea about drawing turkeys with hands. Still, craft projects have always been associated with elementary school children in art class, in one way or another. However, contrary to what a recent immigrant might see on the TV screens or around the block, Thanksgiving is a holiday and Americans do celebrate it with food and family. Yes, it denotes the time when the Indians helped a bunch of religious puritanical separatists (and others) survive after they lost nearly half their group during their first New England winter. And we know that some of those Indians would later regret that act of kindness in the long run when later settlers decided to seize their landholdings. Oh, and the fact the Indians didn’t appreciate the gifts the Pilgrims had in store for them like small pox. But we don’t tell little ones that much. No, we try to sanitize it to fit a more elementary school audience because they might be traumatize by the idea of Native American genocide. Still, many of the craft projects that I’ll present aren’t the appropriate kind for elementary school kids in art class. Rather these are for people like parents, party hosts, and repressed art majors. So for your reading pleasure, here is an assortment of craft projects for Thanksgiving.

There’s never enough tulle to make a turkey wreath.

From what I’ve seen, turkeys aren’t usually red, orange, or yellow. They’re usually brown and black. Well, at least the wild ones are.

2. Bring in the autumn spirit this Thanksgiving with these hanging acorns.

Now these are adorable. Hope they don’t go on any Christmas tree. That might not be appropriate.

3. Get your hair in the Thanksgiving mood with these Pilgrim hair clips.

Now these are so adorable. Makes you want to forget how bad things got between the Massachusetts settlers and the Wampanoag in later decades.

4. Set your place at your Thanksgiving dinner with this turkey place mat.

Now you can put all your utensils inside the turkey’s feathers. Still, wonder why anyone would need to eat a meal with 3 different forks and 2 different spoons is beyond me.

5. Grace your Thanksgiving table with this pine cone turkey.

Now this is something kids could make. Just need feathers, pine cone, pipe cleaners, and googly eyes.

6. Any balls of yarn can be a turkey if you add some cloth attributes.

Now this is a cute turkey. But it seems to have weird blue eyes that makes it look dazed for some reason.

7. For garland decorations, how about try Indian corn?

As I found out while doing my movie history series, Indian corn didn't look like this in the 1620s. The kernels were said to be much smaller.

While this was indeed the corn used by Native Americans during the first Thanksgiving. However, its texture doesn’t resemble corn as we know it.

8. Deck your home for Thanksgiving with these autumn leaf samplers.

Now these come in so many colors and shapes. Still, not sure what kind of leaves they are from the looks of them.

9. When making a decorative turkey, it helps if you stick feathers in a pumpkin.

Actually, it would look better with some darker feathers. Then again, the turkeys I usually see are usually brown or black anyway.

10. This turkey hair clip would make anyone’s hair festive this Thanksgiving season.

Now this was made from ribbon. Still, the googly eyes make this turkey seem dazed or cross eyed for some reason or another.

11. For a more autumn look, it helps if you use leaves to hang them by your window.

However, you might want to get the leaves when they’re still colorful and on the trees. Because by November, they’re brown and fall off.

12. Grace your Thanksgiving table this year with this flower turkey centerpiece.

Now I’m not sure about putting turkeys on flowers. Just seems a bit weird for me. But to each his own.

13. Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” on your doorstep than this burlap turkey wreath.

Not sure if it looks like a turkey to me. But I see it has feathers, legs, and a Pilgrim hat.

14. For a more harvest feel on your front door, this tulle harvest wreath will do quite nicely.

Now this is pretty and it’s all in fall colors. Love the autumn decorations on this, too.

15. Keep your little one warm this Thanksgiving with this crocheted turkey cap.

Now this is adorable. Sure it might look ridiculous on an older child. But I don’t think a toddler is going to remember wearing something like this.

16. For a more festive Thanksgiving, this burlap turkey wreath might serve your fancy.

Yes, I know it’s another burlap turkey wreath. But this has a brighter disposition wit the vibrant orange bow.

17. For a more colorful and 3-dimensional turkey, you can always make one from paper machete.

Now this looks well done and certainly not made by a kid. At least not a kid without exceptional art skills.

18. Cuddle up this Thanksgiving with these crocheted Pilgrim plushies.

Now these are cute. Love their clothes though they’re more suited for Pilgrim Sunday dress than anything.

19. Keep warm while watching the parade this Thanksgiving with this turkey quilt.

Now the feathers are in a variety of fabrics to make it look rustic but colorful. But each feather uses fall colors despite the pattern.

20. Grace your Thanksgiving table with a fall floral centerpiece like this.

Now I’m sure the flowers are as fake as the ones on grave sites. Because most flowers are dead by November. Still, it’s pretty.

21. Bring the Thanksgiving spirit to your home by stuffing your own cornucopia this year.

Now this looks like it was stuff with stuff you’d see at someone’s grave. But at least they have a turkey feather in there.

22. Now this turkey quilt has feathers of all different colors.

Of course, I kind of find it strange why they dress turkeys a Pilgrims in Thanksgiving art. I mean it’s an American native bird. Then again, dressing it as an Indian might have unfortunate implications.

23. Nothing makes Thanksgiving look more festive than this tulle turkey wreath.

Yes, I know it’s another tulle turkey wreath. But it’s quite adorable just the same, especially with those ping pong ball eyes.

24. For those who like to decorate with flowers, these Pilgrim hat bouquets will simply stun any table.

The Pilgrim hats seem to be made from flower pots and construction paper. The flowers appear to be of plastic as far as I can tell.

25. Create a rustic Thanksgiving atmosphere with these tree trunk candles.

You can tell this is a Thanksgiving arrangement because of the wooden turkeys. Still, let’s hope the trunks don’t catch fire.

26. Nothing is cuter on Thanksgiving than this crocheted stuffed turkey.

Kind of reminds me of the peacock from my amigurumi post of last year. Still, it’s just as adorable.

27. Why burn a tree branch in your fire this autumn while you can make it to hold candles?

Then again, I’m not sure if it’s a tree branch or a trunk. Still, you have to think the candle arrangement is clever.

28. This owl wreath is charming fall decor for any front door.

Personally, I kind of prefer owls to turkeys. Maybe it’s because owls are cool birds of prey with big eyes. Turkeys on the other hand, really don’t have as much coolness.

29. Nothing makes a great Thanksgiving centerpiece than this pumpkin bouquet.

Of course, for the fall feel the flowers has to match with the pumpkin’s exterior. Thus, I’m sure most of these flowers came from a craft store.

30. For a more fall feel, wrap a big candle with some ears of Indian corn.

Indian corn is also called “Flint corn” since its kernels are said to be hard as flint and leave no dents. It’s also said to be rather durable.

31. Since Thanksgiving is associated with football, perhaps nothing can emphasize such spirit than a football turkey.

Yes, it’s a paper kid project. But it’s adorable and clever to say the least. Seriously, who ever thought of football feathers is a genius.

32. Be in the Thanksgiving spirit this turkey day in this turkey shirt.

Then again, it’s probably one for a young girl as I can see it. I mean it has a bow and some feathers at the bottom.

33. For the cold ride to grandmother’s house, you might want to wear this knitted turkey hat.

Now this is different from the other turkey hat. Then again, you might not want to wear this in front of your relatives for fear that they might think you’re nuts.

34. Of course, you can make a turkey from a gourd and tissue paper.

Seems like kids might do in art class. Still, these do look cute if you ask me.

35. This Pilgrim hat will certainly make a great Thanksgiving centerpiece.

Interesting how it has to be in festive fall decoration to be considered Thanksgiving appropriate. It could just be a Pilgrim hat and be Thanskgivingy enough.

36. Of course, a pumpkin bouquet doesn’t have to be in fall colors.

Now I like these bouquets better than the other ones I featured. Seems to have more vibrant colors.

37. Nothing makes your Thanksgiving more like autumn like a fall flower wreath.

Now this mostly consists of Black-Eyed Susans with some leaves and a plaid bow. Still, it’s quite warm and lovely.

38. Let guests know their places at the table with these turkey place holders.

Seem to come in 3 different sizes. But they seem rather easy and adorable.

39. Nothing brings the Thanksgiving spirit to your front door than this bauble autumn wreath.

Not sure if I like the colors on these. Not sure if baubles and earth tones go together.

40. Celebrate Thanksgiving with these Indian and Pilgrim flower pot figures.

Now these are so adorable. However, after Thanksgiving, you can use these to play Colonial Indian Wars. Yay!

41. It’s not Thanksgiving until you make your own sock turkey.

Now this turkey seems to have a dark tossel hat instead of a Pilgrim hat. Does that mean this turkey is a thug? Not sure.

42. To express the Thanksgiving spirit, this walnut turkey pin will do nicely.

Looks like this was made in some elementary school art class. Still, it’s quite cut if I say so myself.

43. This fall garland will certainly look rustic on anyone’s front door.

Now this doesn’t seem in vibrant fall colors. But has a lot of flowers, strands of wheat, nuts, and other trimmings.

44. Make this Thanksgiving memorable wearing this turkey dress.

Then again, this one might be for a young girl. But it is quite adorable and creative just the same.

45. Now this is a very colorful turkey hair clip.

Now this one has all kinds of ribbons with all kinds of colors from pink to blue. Still, it's quite cure.

Now this one has all kinds of ribbons with all kinds of colors from pink to blue. Still, it’s quite cute.

46. Now these pinwheel turkeys are sure to make the perfect outdoor Thanksgiving decoration.

Now these are cute. Then again, they’ll certainly stand out in a front lawn with bare trees and fallen leaves.

47. Your guests will sure gobble up over this wooden turkey.

Now this is just adorable. Love the wooden and the autumn leaf feathers on this one.

48. These turkey hair clips will sure bring the thankful spirit.

Now these are so adorable with some ribbons and felt. Still, probably worn by kids.

49. Nothing brings the Thanksgiving spirit to your home than an autumn leaf wreath.

Now the leaves are fake. However, the yellow ones seem to have names on them for some reason.

50. Show the harvest mood with this wheat wreath on your front door.

Now I’m sure the wheat is fake. If not, then don’t hang it outside since it might attract crows.

Happy Thanksgiving Greetings from Yesteryear

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 14, 2015

You may not know it from the media landscape. But a long time ago, Americans celebrated (and still do to some extent) a holiday known as Thanksgiving where everyone had the day off, nearly every workplace was closed, school children had the day off, and families got together for one big turkey dinner. Some even watched football, the Macy’s parade, or the National Dog Show. Yes, we tend to honor a nice moment of friendship between Pilgrims and Indians before it all resulted in rampant Colonialism, genocide, and the French and Indian War. Oh, and New England Puritanism that led to the Salem Witch Trials. But we don’t talk about that. Now if you go further back in time, people didn’t communicate much through phone or internet. Thus, people usually wrote letters to each other to keep in touch. And on special holidays, they tended to send greeting cards. Thanksgiving was no exception to that as seen here. Now we tend to see vintage Thanksgiving cards a cutesy with turkeys and fall scenery. I can go all I want with all the great Thanksgiving cards out there. But I know you’d be bored to tears, so I go with the greeting cards that might make you scratch your head or guts churn. So without further adieu, here is a lovely assortment of Thanksgiving cards from the distant past.

Thanksgiving Day greetings from the kid who just killed his first turkey.

Is it just me or is this kid a little way too excited about killing a turkey? Not sure if he’s feeling pride or an inordinate amount of bloodlust.

2. Great wishes for this Thanksgiving from your little neighborhood Washington Redskins fan.

Yeah, because if anything pisses Native Americans off, it’s white people wearing Indian costumes. And I’m sure that kid’s not wearing an Algonquin costume.

3. Nothing makes great transportation than turkey pedal power.

Well, Gobblekins might be whipped for going too slow now and then. But at least he knows he’ll survive his next Thanksgiving as long as he puts the pedal to the metal.

4. “Thanks to him who spared our living. We’re here, we’re here till next Thanksgiving.”

These terrifying turkeys may be gobbling now. But little do they know about turkey season, which might be sooner than they think. Then again, they might be domestic.

5. “I’m the popular birdie. All right! All right!”

Unfortunately, this turkey doesn’t realize why he’s popular. I mean does he even know those are menus? Also, why is he in a top hat smoking a cigarette?

6. This turkey wishes you a joyful Thanksgiving.

Yes, the turkey is a Thanksgiving mascot. But you know why? Because we eat them. Kind of disturbing if you think about it. Still, it’s probably “final hours” in this turkey’s case.

7. Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” than turkeys discussing the contradictions of human nature.

Didn’t know how perceptive and insightful turkeys can be in their observations. Too bad it’s not going to save one of them from being decapitated.

8. Don’t worry, this turkey is just going for a “change of climate.”

Kind of reminds me what you tell children who are upset about eating a dead animal. Yeah, “change of climate” indeed.

9. Best wishes for a happy Thanksgiving and one last look at yourself, Mr. T.

Guess a turkey needs to look his best before he goes on the chopping block. Still, the girl should know not to be that close to a turkey.

10. Nothing says “Thanksgiving Greetings” than a turkey attacking an ax-wielding Pilgrim child in self defense.

“You gonna’ cut my head off, pluck off my feathers, and stuff me, are you? Not if I can help it, murderers.”

11. On Thanksgiving, a turkey should always be dressed in his best.

Yeah, but dressing in most turkeys’ case usually doesn’t apply to formal attire. Also, why the hell is he wearing pants?

12. May we wish you some Thanksgiving joys.

From Buzzfeed: “Here is a child wielding an impossibly large knife that his parents think is OK for their kid to use.” Now that’s bound to scare any parent or the turkey under him.

13. Abnormally large turkey wishes you a merry Thanksgiving.

Yes, if you saw a turkey as big as you, you’d be scared, too. And you’d be even more freaked out if it’s talking to you.

14. Happy Thanksgiving from the kids who are riding the turkey and waving the American flag.

From Buzzfeed: “Children! No! Clearly, the parents of all the kids in these cards are off drinking mead and playing grown-up leapfrog.”

15. Happy Thanksgiving and by the way, try some corn, Gobblers, and don’t look behind the pumpkin.

Man, that kid with the ax is freaking me out. I’m sure he’s killing the turkey because he’s the only one in his family with the potential of most likely becoming a serial killer.

16. “Oh, yes! I’m starred on the bill all right!”

Must be hard to be a high class city turkey on Thanksgiving. Always have to be reminded on how people spend this day eating your fellow turkey brethren.

17. Nothing makes a turkey pull the wagon better than a large knife and tongs.

It’s supposed to provide motivation for what will happen to the turkey if he doesn’t do its job properly. Still, those large utensils are freaking me out.

18. Nothing says Thanksgiving on a turkey trying to avoid his own mentality by defending his inalienable rights.

From Buzzfeed: “What this turkey is trying to say probably won’t have much effect on the outcome of his future.” Yeah, I’m sure the kid’s going to decapitate you no matter what you say.

19. Happy Thanksgiving from the turkey who’s freaking out a child.

Now I don't know about you, but I'm more freaked out by the child in this. I mean the child is just terrifying for some reason.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m more freaked out by the child in this. I mean the kid is just so terrifying for some reason.

20. Happy Thanksgiving from the kid in the turkey costume.

Now I know people might’ve thought it was cute. But to me, it’s terrifying. Quick, can someone give me a picture of Paul Simon from that old Thanksgiving episode of SNL?

21. Happy Thanksgiving from the turkey running from the creepy kid.

Yes, I know this is supposed to look cute. But that little kid is beyond terrifying. Seriously, I want that turkey to run for his life with that thing behind him.

22. For Thanksgiving night, don’t be surprised if the turkey you ate came to your bedside beyond the grave.

Oh, yes, Gobbles would like to wish you a happy Thanksgiving by haunting your dreams. Sleep tight, suckers.

23. Uncle Sam wishes you Happy Thanksgiving greetings.

Because he is eating his Thanksgiving dinner all alone at a restaurant and desperately seeks company. So he’s eating a burnt turkey with a side of cranberries and a bottle of wine to numb his lonely feelings.

24. “May glad Thanksgivings crown your days and years.”

Yeah, nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” than a card with a turkey in a wooden crate about to be slaughtered. Seriously, why?

25. Nothing says Thanksgiving than a kid carrying a turkey dinner on a tray.

Now that might look adorable. However, there's a very strong chance she's going to trip if she continues her foot like that.

Now that might look adorable. However, there’s a very strong chance she’s going to trip if she continues skipping to her destination like that.

26. “Here’s to a rough and ready Thanksgiving!”

Didn’t know they carved turkeys at the kids’ table. Don’t you think that’s a bit of a safety hazard? Seriously, you don’t let kids do that.

27. Thanksgiving greetings to all the turkeys who were smart to remain skinny.

Now come on, a Thanksgiving card with turkeys watching two of their friends get it? Seriously, that’s just fucked up.

28. “Thanks to him who spared my living, For I’m a victim of Thanksgiving.”

Okay, those kids are clearly carrying a dead turkey. Seriously, how do I explain such images to young children?

29. “Smile for the camera, Gibblets.”

Yeah, just one more picture before the turkey gets put on the chopping block for Thanksgiving dinner. Isn’t that nice.

30. Have a glad Thanksgiving courtesy of William Bradford from 1621.

And there’s a Pilgrim shooting a turkey with a blunderbuss. Well, I guess it could be worse. Could be an Indian on that end. Oh, shit.

31. May I wish you sincere Thanksgiving greetings.

Okay, the dead turkey is disturbing enough. Also, that woman doesn’t look like an Indian. She looks more like a white woman in black braids wearing an Indian costume.

32. While turkeys are often killed for Thanksgiving dinner, some go on the warpath.

Kid: “Help! Help! The turkey’s attacking me!”
Turkey: “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

33. Happy Thanksgiving from one young turkey rider to another.

Now that turkey has to be huge for that kid to ride on it. Of course, I know what he’ll end up when he’s old and gray.

34. “May yours be a Happy Thanksgiving.”

Let’s just say if a dog was hungry, then it made a huge mistake going after a live turkey. Seriously, turkeys aren’t as dumb and docile as they’re depicted.

35. May you have a peaceful Thanksgiving.

Apparently, the turkey didn’t have a peaceful end as far as I can see. And I sure wouldn’t call it peaceful on what’s going to happen to his body next.

36. May you have a festive Thanksgiving this year.

Is it just me or does anyone think the pumpkin pie had too much wine? Also, why is almost everything in this picture have such freaky faces?

37. Happy Thanksgiving from a turkey that’s clearly going to die soon.

Now this is just messed up. Seriously, why stick a knife and pronged fork into a living turkey? That’s just sick.

38. Have a joyful Thanksgiving to you from a scary veggie man.

Now this guy looks like he could scare more crows than a scarecrow. Also, what’s with the turkey feather headdress? Okay, I don’t want to know.

39. “May you catch him in time for dinner.”

I’m sure the turkey is running for his dear life right now. Still, this woman should be happy it’s domestic. But her knife is real scary.

40. “I killed this one all by myself.”

I think I’d rather stay away from this kid. Seems like he’s a future psychokiller in the making. And it’s said they always seem to start with animals.

41. “Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving.”

I don’t know about you. But there’s something really wrong with that girl. She looks like she’s plotting something like killing somebody in their sleep.

42. Thanksgiving greetings from the jerky turkey standing over the kid.

Kid: “Let me go! Let me go!”
Turkey: “Fat chance, boy. Either your dad spares my life or you’re history.”

43. We wish you a hearty Thanksgiving greetings.

Now how that terrifying kid’s looking at that turkey just gives me the creeps. I don’t know but it doesn’t look good.

44. Happy Thanksgiving and may your turkey not go to the dogs.

Seems like this turkey dinner is gone to the dogs. Reminds me of that scene in A Christmas Story. Boy, those kids’ parents are going to be so mad when they see this.

45. Happy Thanksgiving greetings from up above.

“Shit, now they’re doing aerial hunting. Really hate what this world’s coming to.”

46. Looks like Tom Gobblers is going on a vacation this time.

Or may I say, he’s going into hiding until Thanksgiving blows over. Why wait for a pardon? Just get out an dodge.

47. Happy Thanksgiving greetings, now say your prayers, turkey.

Sure the turkey might take down that kid in a heartbeat. But that terrifying nightmare tot has an ax to swing. Yeah, this turkey’s minutes are numbered.

48. Happy Thanksgiving greetings, from all of us at the kids’ table.

Okay, now those soulless kids are certainly to tear that turkey to shreds and bring it a most painful death. Also, is that wine? Don’t think kids should be drinking that.

49. Thanksgiving greetings from all the turkeys in your neck of the woods.

Okay, now this has a turkey pulling a hansom cab, driven by another turkey and transporting another turkey. Does anyone see anything freaky about this?

50. “Good wishes for this Thanksgiving Day.”

I don’t know about you. But I sure as hell wouldn’t trust this little girl with a knife if I were you. Seems like she’s planning to kill somebody with it.

The Force Is Strong with These Star Wars Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 8, 2015

When Star Wars was first released in 1977, it was a science fiction movie that had a groundbreaking special effects (which previously hadn’t been advanced since the 1950s), partly based on computers and partly not. But they helped make science fiction movies a blockbuster genre. And it didn’t hurt that it had an engaging story with compelling characters that could appeal to all ages. Still, much of the original film’s sets and props were created on a lower budget than you’d expect of science fiction films of the time which led the production team to use unconventional methods and materials to achieve a desired look. It also helped that George Lucas wasn’t bent on making a flashy space movie anyway. In fact, he wanted it to look real and used. So a lot of the spacecraft you see were models created from scrap parts, particularly from jet aircraft. And boy, did it work big time. Of course, there are plenty of fans who also tend to create their own homage to Star Wars with their own craft projects. Yet, they don’t share George Lucas’s reasons since they tend to be stuff they might like around the house like clothes, decorations, toys, or what not. But you get the idea that they’re also honoring the legacy of George Lucas by creating their own Star Wars stuff by using unconventional methods and materials (even if it’s for their kids). In this post we’ll look at some of the great Star Wars craft projects out there. Some of them might be ridiculous as with the Hunger Games. But some of them will be creative as well as cute. And some might seem that they were created by someone who had way too much time on their hands. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of Star Wars craft projects courtesy of the Force and from a galaxy far, far, away. Many of these aren’t licensed by Lucasfilm or Disney by the way, but they can just shove it.

Snuggle up this winter with this adorable Wampa plushie.

From what I can recall, the Wampa is a ferocious creature on Hoth. And it doesn’t look nearly as adorable as this little plushie you want to cuddle with.

2. This Christmas, decorate your tree with your own Death Star ornament.

Because nothing says “Peace on Earth” than an ornament of a large space station that could obliterate a whole planet. Seriously, remember what happened to Alderaan.

3. Look wookiee chic in fur in this Chewbacca dress.

Of course, this dress is way less fuzzy than Chewie. I’m sure Chewie sheds like a shaggy dog.

4. Of course, a wood panel is the perfect kind of surface to paint an AT-AT.

I don’t know about you. But I don’t think this image of sci-fi technology seems to go well with the rustic surroundings.

5. Map out your model of the galaxy by making a Star Wars mobile.

I don’t think the planets are that close to each other in the galaxy, according to the movies. Still, I do recognize a partial Death Star and an Imperial cruiser.

6. Keep your rooms lit by the power of the Dark Side with this Darth Vader lamp.

Now this is just clever. Like the construction paper Vader lampshade. That paint job with the base is cool, too.

7. There’s nothing a kid would want more than their own Chewbacca teddy bear.

I think this was inspired by Wookiee the Chew which is a mashup of Star Wars and Winnie the Pooh. Still, this is adorable but he’d rip your arm out of your socket if he loses a chess game.

8. Make your hair look pretty on the Dark Side with this Darth Vader hair bow.

Show your peers that you’re not the person to mess with. And you’ll force choke anyone who disobeys your orders.

9. Light up your yard with this winter with this Death Star fire pit.

On one hand this looks really cool, especially in a picture like this. On the other hand, it’s a Death Star which might be capable of blowing up a planet.

10. Kick back and relax in your patio with this R2-D2 lounge chair.

Says at the base: “These aren’t the chairs you’re looking for.” Whoever made this was brilliant.

11. Keep your head warm this winter with this crocheted Stormtrooper cap.

Of course, I wouldn’t go hunting in that in this cap. Shoot all you want but you won’t hit anything.

12. Color your pictures with these Han Solo in carbonite crayons.

Available in 8 different colors. Still, not sure if I want children coloring pictures with a guy who’s in a life and death limbo.

13. Make your Star Wars party groovy with this Death Star disco ball.

I don’t know about you but I’m sure Alderaan ain’t stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive. C’mon, it’s a disco ball, for Christ’s sake.

14. Rest your head on this felt Ewok pillow.

Now this looks quite easy to sew up. It’s also quite adorable like a little teddy bear. Just like Ewoks.

15. Keep your head warm this winter with this crocheted Tusken Raider hat.

Of course, Tusken Raiders live on Tattooine which is a desert planet. So this hat wouldn’t work much for them.

16. Cook in your Imperial kitchen wearing your very own Darth Vader apron.

I don’t think a Sith Lord of the galaxy would wear an apron like this. I mean it looks like a ladies’ apron and most Sith lords are men. Still, I like it.

17. Grace your front door this Christmas with this Star Wars action figure Christmas wreath.

Now this involves a shiny Christmas wreath, Star Wars action figures, and green spray paint. Definitely not made by someone with too much time on their hands there.

18. Throw your things away in this R2-D2 trash bin.

Because why buy an R2-D2 trash bin when you can make your own. It’s much cheaper and only requires a plastic trash bin, printouts, a bottle cap, and felt.

19. Receive your snail mail from the Dark Side with your very own Darth Vader mailbox.

Now this is a pretty cool mailbox. Too bad I live in a neighborhood where there was a mass mailbox smashing when I was 16.

20. Curl up on your couch during a Star Wars marathon with a Boba Fett fleece pillow.

Warm and fuzzy might not describe badass bounty hunter Boba Fett. But it might describe this.

21. Keep your little one warm with this crocheted Star Wars blanket.

Contains many of the stuff you’d see from the original trilogy. And makes them all look adorable in the process.

22. Keep your cookies fresh in this R2-D2 ceramic cookie jar.

Just get a cookie jar from the craft store and paint it like R2-D2. It’s simple really.

23. Of course, nothing is cuter in your Star Wars home than this stuffed little Ewok.

Yes, Ewoks may be among the most adorable creatures in the galaxy. But keep in mind that they do have a vicious streak and almost devoured our heroes if it wasn’t for Princess Leia and C-3PO.

24. Yes, you may love Star Wars. But you’re not a real Star Wars fan until you make a C-3PO and R2-D2 sculpture from shiny pipe cleaners.

Yes, it might look tacky and more appropriate for a Star Wars Christmas display. But still, you have to admire the craftsmanship on this.

25. Keep warm this winter with this crocheted R2-D2 beanie.

Now this is so cute. Wonder what size it comes in. Do they make these for adults?

26. That’s no moon. That’s a Death Star comfy chair.

Yes, I know it resembles a space station capable of blowing up an entire planet. But it looks so comfy to sit on.

27. Curl up on your couch during a Star Wars marathon with these mini pillows.

From what I can tell, these consist of Yoda, Luke, and Princess Leia. Still, these are so adorable that I wouldn’t mind having them.

28. Use the Force to keep your feet warm with these crocheted Yoda slippers.

As Master Yoda would say, “Wear or wear not. There is no try on.” Wise words if you think about it.

29. Keep yourself warm in the Space Shuttle with this LEGO Star Wars quilt.

Yes, someone was actually in space with this and had their picture taken. Guess you make stuff like this when you have too much time on your hands. Astronauts can be such geeks.

Yes, someone was actually on the Space Shuttle and had their picture taken. Unfortunately, the person wasn’t an astronaut and the shuttle was on Earth.

30. Step out in style with this one of a kind Star Wars dress.

Yes, this is a Star Wars dress. Yes, it's laced with ribbons. Can a guy wear it? I'm not sure.

Yes, this is a Star Wars dress. Yes, it’s laced with ribbons. Can a guy wear it? Maybe a short and skinny one.

31. Cuddle up on your couch with this Chewbacca fleece pillow.

Sure it may not be a walking carpet. But you have to admit, this is adorable.

32. As this sampler says, “Home is where the Force is.”

Who knew there were Star Wars fans who know how to do embroidery. Still, you have to like the crossed lightsabers.

33. To keep warm this winter, may I suggest this crocheted Jar Jar Binks hat?

Actually, this would be a more appropriate gift for the obnoxious Star Wars fan in your life you really don’t care for. I mean I know that there aren’t a lot of Star Wars fans who’d want this anyway.

34. The Force is strong in this Star Wars quilt purse.

Now you’ve probably seen a purse like this for the Hunger Games if you’ve been following my blog. Still, this is a very appropriate Star Wars patchwork indeed.

35. Now you can bring balance to the Force with this crocheted lightsaber.

Yes, it’s an elegant weapon. But it’s a great toy because you won’t have to worry about cutting people’s limbs with it.

36. This crocheted Boba Fett comes complete with his own blaster.

Yes, the most badass bounty hunter in the galaxy is a crocheted stuffed toy with at plastic gun and a nerf antenna. But still, he’s out for that scruffy headed nerfherder.

37. Keep your hands warm this winter with these knitted R2-D2 mittens.

Of course, you might wonder why they didn’t have these on Hoth. Still, these are simply adorable to say the least.

38. Cuddle up during your Star Wars marathon with this amigurumi of Queen Padme Amidala of Naboo.

You know, the Queen of Naboo in Episode I who married Anakin Skywalker and had Luke and Leia before dying of a broken heart. Yeah, that Padme who had the extensive wardrobe.

39. I’m sure this Chebacca holder will keep your cutlery safe and secure.

And like Chewbacca, this cozy looks awfully fuzzy. But it’s adorable nevertheless.

40. Now you can snuggle up with an amigurumi of Greedo.

Now this guy is the bounty hunter whom Han Solo shot first at the Mos Eisely Cantina full of dirtbags. Yes, good times.

41. Bring the Force in your Christmas tree with these Star Wars stuffed ornaments.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, Yoda, Chewbacca, and Princess Leia. Nevertheless, they’re all so adorable and will be good for any Christmas tree.

42. Now getting drinks will never the same again with this AT-AT liquor cabinet.

Now this was certainly made by someone who had too much time on their hands. And probably by a guy in his garage.

43. May the Force be with you in these lightsaber Jedi/Empire lamps.

Now which will you choose: the Empire or the Jedi? Well, the Jedi has a nice lampshade design. But decisions, decisions.

44. Relive some great known moments in Return of the Jedi with this Jabba the Hut/Slave Leia amigurumi set.

Yes, I’m sure plenty of young men will fondly remember seeing Princess Leia in that skimpy outfit. And I’m sure plenty of women will remember when she saved herself by strangling Jabba the Hutt to death with the chain around her neck.

45. Deck the halls this Christmas season with these Star Wars ornaments.

Man, they seem to have quite a painted collection here like Slave Leia and Han Solo in carbonite. Still, you have to admire the pant job on these.

46. For your little Jedi, this Star Wars mobile will do just nicely.

Is it just me or is that one of the cutest renditions of the Death Star I have ever seen. Still, have you got the impression that someone had too much time on their hands for this one?

47. Celebrate this Christmas by hanging one of these Star Wars stockings.

Now these consist of Chewbacca, Darth Vader, a Stormtrooper, R2-D2, and an Ewok. Still, there seems to be a lot of Star Wars Christmas stuff for some reason. Oh yeah, the fans.

48. Know to distinguish both sides of the force with this Luke and Darth Vader light switch.

I don’t know about you but I still like that one better than the one with Han Solo in carbonite. Still, looks pretty easy to make.

49. Keep your head warm and support the Rebel Alliance with this crocheted X-Wing helmet cap.

Now this may not protect your head while you’re piloting spacecraft. But it will keep you warm during the winter.

50. Why not catch rats than with this Admirak Ackbar mouse trap?

Now this is funny. But still, Admiral Ackbar deserves more respect than having someone paint a mouse trap for him.

Now this is funny. But still, Admiral Ackbar deserves more respect than having someone paint a mouse trap of him.

51. Nothing makes a Star Wars home better than a sampler of, “Bless this Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy.”

Not something you read from a sampler very often. But still, that’s quite good if I do say so myself.

52. Of course, you aren’t the ultimate Star Wars fan until you have this Chewbacca bird feeder.

Now this looks quite doable. Just get a milk carton, glue it with a bunch of ripped up popsicle sticks, paint it brown, and add some googly eyes and teeth.

Now this looks quite doable. Just get a milk carton, glue it with a bunch of ripped up popsicle sticks, paint it brown, and add some googly eyes, belt, and teeth.

53. Look like a little Endor teddy bear this winter with this crocheted Ewok hat.

And this even goes down to the chest to keep your neck warm. Still, this is pretty adorable if you ask me.

54. Keep your iPhone standing with your very own R2-D2 tree stump stand.

Now this not only makes you look like a big Star Wars fan, but it has a great rustic feel. Perfect for any sci-fi hunting lodge.

55. Make your bathroom a real Star Wars sanctuary with this R2-D2 rug.

Now this is a way better rug than the Chewbacca skin one which is disturbing. But this R2-D2 one is adorable.

56. Keep yourself warm with these Star Wars droid beanies.

Sorry, but these aren’t the droid beanies you’re looking for. However, it’s too late for me to change the picture so there you go.

57. When it comes to bicycle safety, this R2-D2 helmet will do quite nicely.

Actually this woman painted her helmet to make it look like R2-D2. Still, she’s bound to get a lot of guys at Comic Con with it.

58. Put your fashion sense squarely on the Dark Side with this Darth Vader pin-up dress.

Who knew the fashion of the 1950s and the power of the Dark Side can go so well together? Of course, I tend to find your lack of fashion sense disturbing.

59. Keep your little princess’s head warm this winter with this crocheted Princess Leia hat.

Now doesn’t this little girl look like a little princess in this. Oh, yes, she does. Oh, yes, she does.

60. If you’re more into the Imperial style, this Stormtrooper pinup dress is right for you.

Yes, it’s a Stormtrooper pinup dress. Still, ladies, you’re guaranteed not to hit anything in this dress.

61. If you’re lonely in a desert land, perhaps this Tatooine Bantha amigurumi could keep you company.

Now this is so adorable. Still, I wonder how these creatures can take the heat on a desert planet like Tatooine. It would be more understandable to see them on Hoth.

62. Shimmer on the Dark Side of the Force in this Darth Vader dress.

Now this has some buttons and shimmering pieces. And with a long skirt, too. Vader would be proud.

63. Of course, you can always use the Force with these felt Star Wars characters.

Now they have most of the characters from the original trilogy plus Darth Maul. Nevertheless, these are adorable.

64. Keep warm this winter on the Dark Side with this Darth Vader wood stove.

Because nothing sets the mood like Darth Vader’s flaming eyes staring at you in anger. Seriously, I like the design, but doesn’t seem like the kind of fireplace I’d cozy up to.

65. Plant some flowers in this AT-AT planter.

Kind of funny how an Imperial Galactic Empire artillery weapon can be positioned as a planter. All thanks to some disposable materials and duck tape. Lots of duck tape.

66. Choose your Jedi weapon wisely before you jump in the pool.

Now these lightsabers are made from duck tape, Sharpie marker, and pool noodles. Won’t sever limbs but won’t make you look like a badass either.

67. Cuddle up on your couch with this R2-D2 fleece pillow.

Now I know I’ve put pictures of fleece pillows before. But this is simply adorable regardless. And yes, R2-D2 is a cute droid.

68. Be a Jedi or Sith Kitchen master in these Star Wars aprons.

Now these are more suitable for the male cooks in the kitchen. Comes in Darth Vader and Jedi master.

69. Relive the events of the original trilogy with this Star Wars gold lamp.

Now this consists of some of the craft used in the movie like the Millennium Falcon, Imperial fighters, X-Wings, and an AT-AT. Still, pretty cool and ingenious.

Now this consists of some of the craft used in the movies like the Millennium Falcon, Imperial fighters, X-Wings, and an AT-AT. Still, pretty cool and ingenious.

70. Of course, every home must have a sampler of the “Serenity Prayer.”

Yes, I know some might think seeing Slave Leia and Jabba on this might be a bit off. However, it kind of fits when it comes to Slave Leia’s situation.

71. Keep warm this winter with this crocheted Twilek hat.

I think Twileks are supposed to be those scanty clad women from Tatooine. Still, they seem quite popular for some reason.

72. Step in style with these R2-D2 pumps.

Well, I’m sure they might be better on your feet than those Dark Side stilettos. Still, you have to admire how these were decorated.

73. This crocheted Boba Fett cap will make you look badass as well as keep you nice and warm.

Sure Boba Fett may not be a warm fuzzy soul. But that doesn’t mean a warm, fuzzy hat like this can’t capture his badass spirit.

74. Keep the birds warm this winter with this R2-D2 birdhouse.

Yes, I’m sure the birds in your neighborhood would find R2-D2’s adorable face on this as an inviting place to nest in. Then again, I’m sure birds don’t give a shit and are bound to defecate all over this after some months outside.

75. This Imperial Stormtrooper cat statue would make a purrfect addition to your living room decor.

Now this Imperial Stormtrooper cat is about as intimidating as it’s adorable. Still, you have to love the paint job on this.

76. Plant your flowers this year in these Star Wars flower pots.

Now these include R2-D2, an Imperial Stormtrooper, and Boba Fett. Also had Darth Vader, C-3PO, Yoda, and Jabba the Hutt, but I couldn’t find a picture with those together.

77. Keep warm and snug this season with your very own knitted R2-D2 sweater.

Might make you look nerdy. But it’s not as atrocious as many of those Christmas sweaters.

78. Grace your fireplace wall with your very own Wampa head.

I wonder if Luke Skywalker had a Wampa head on his fireplace later in life. Then again he was freezing to death on Hoth so he probably didn’t have the time to collect a trophy.

79. Keep your ears warm this winter with these Princess Leia ear muffs.

Of course, since Princess Leia’s iconic hairstyle resembles sticky buns, having earmuffs like this is to be expected. Still, it’s pretty clever.

80. Train your little one to be a real Jedi master with this fleece Yoda cap.

Now this is so adorable isn’t it? Love those little button eyes. Wear this hat, you sure would.

81. Show your love for Star Wars with these embroidery samplers.

Now these consist of 2 for Chewbacca as well as one for a maimed Wampa and another for an Ewok. Nevertheless, these are clever and adorable if I say so.

82. Use the Force to carry your things with this Jedi master Yoda tote bag.

Make this bag you will. Requires to sew and cut felt, it does. Button eyes it has. Cute, you think?

Make this bag you will. Requires to Usew and cut felt, it does. Button eyes it has. Cute, you think?

83. Re-enact the events of the original trilogy with these Star Wars finger puppets.

Now these consist of Yoda, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, and Chewbacca. Still, these are so adorable.

84. If you love Star Wars than you’ll love this set of these nesting dolls.

Now these include in descending order: Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chewbacca, C-3PO, and R2-D2. Made by the same company who did the Hunger Games ones.

85. Use the Force to tend your baby’s needs with this Star Wars diaper bag.

Though I know it’s a Star Wars diaper bag, I find Darth Vader’s image on here ironic. Let’s just say his approach to parenting falls squarely on the Dark Side since he cut off his son’s hand and blew up his daughter’s planet.

86. Now you can reenact the original trilogy with these Star Wars peg dolls.

Can’t believe they included Han Solo in carbonite. Still, these figures are quite adorable if you ask me.

87. Make your Christmas in the Galactic Empire spirit with this Imperial fighter mistletoe.

Now I'm aware that the Galactic Empire are the bad guys in Star Wars. But still, you have to admire the craftsmanship on this.

On one hand, you want to kiss your loved one under this. On the other hand, you wonder if the Imperial fighter might think you’re one of the rebels and might shoot you.

88. Strap yourselves in with this R2-D2 corset.

Now since I majored in history in college, I find corsets so 19th century. And I find the idea of an R2-D2 one baffling.

89. Make your Christmas star on your tree the Death Star this holiday season.

Because nothing represents the spirit of Christmas like a space station that can destroy an entire planet with a laser beam. Still, I don’t think a Death Star makes an appropriate tree topper for this reason.

90. Experience the events of the original trilogy with this Star Wars tapestry.

Clearly this was made by someone with way too much time on their hands and is probably not for sale. Still, as a history major, I can appreciate this form which is similar to the Bayeux Tapestry of 1066.

91. Take some time and relax on this Imperial Stormtrooper lawn chair.

Now this project probably required a regular wooden lawn chair and some power tools. Still, even without paint, it’s still pretty awesome.

92. Show your support for the Empire with this Death Star globe.

Now this is quite ingenious. But I’d recommend you use one that’s dated from at least the 1980s for this since it doesn’t have accurate borders and is probably not worth a lot of money.

93. Keep your neck warm in the Rebel Alliance with this scarf.

Now this has the Rebel Alliance symbol as well as an X-Wing fighter. Could’ve used these on Hoth, especially Luke Skywalker.

94. Introduce your little one to the Force with this Star Wars pillow and blanket set.

As you see here, this is a perfect gender neutral baby gift. And Yoda’s even on the pillow.

95. Curl up during a Star Wars marathon with this crocheted Death Star cushion.

Now sure if I’d recommend you sit on it. But it will certainly be great for resting your head and elbows on.

96. Curl up on your couch with this Chewbacca pillow.

Now this one does give him fuzz like he has in the movies. And it’s so cute, too.

97. Seems that Darth Vader finds your lack of faith disturbing in this sampler.

I know many won’t think of Star Wars embroidery samplers exist. But still, many of these are pretty good. This Darth Vader one especially.

98. May the Force be with you with this lightsaber bubble wand.

With a plastic tube and some duck tape, lightsaber duels will now have bubbles. And no one loses a limb.

99. May the Force be with you this Christmas season with this Star Wars wreath.

Now I think this one is better than the other one I just shown. Just have a regular wreath and some Star Wars action figures. Perfect for this December.

100. When it comes to recreating Star Wars, these jar terrariums can’t be beat.

These include Luke Skywalker watching the suns set on Tatooine, Han Solo on Hoth, and Princess Leia on Endor. Still, you have to admire the creativity on this one.

Star Wars Merchandise from a Galaxy Far, Far Away

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 7, 2015

You may have noticed that I’m on my second part of Nerdvember with Star Wars, despite that Star Wars: The Force Awakens won’t be out until December 18th. As you see, I’ve just finished with Star Wars costumes, mostly showing the fans since it’s more fun that way. Nevertheless, we’re all aware that Star Wars is known to make millions from merchandise sales whether it be toys, costumes, T-shirts, and what have you. I mean if you have a franchise with a fan base like this, you know that people will buy it. And this was the same throughout its history as I’m well aware of. But like all major franchises out there, there are plenty of stuff that might make you scratch your head. Now I’ve seen plenty of this pertaining to Star Wars while I was compiling a blog post on action figures. But unlike the Hunger Games, the Star Wars merchandising only seems to get a tad inappropriate when it pertains to selling Darth Vader stuff for Father’s Day. And even then, most fans wouldn’t mind since there are plenty of dads who bond over Star Wars with their children anyway. But that doesn’t mean that Star Wars merchandising can’t get relatively ridiculous because it certainly can. And it does, even back when they had the Star Wars Holiday Special. Believe me, I’ve looked. I know it doesn’t make sense but don’t ask me. Still, there are a lot of Star Wars products that you wouldn’t think existed. So for your galactic reading pleasure, I give you some crazy merchandise from a galaxy far, far away.

Hope your bathroom is in the spirit of the Force with this Han Solo carbonite toilet seat.

I see a lot of Han Solo in carbonite stuff all the time. But this has to be the most ridiculous by far. Seriously, why would anyone want to sit on that thing?

2. For the galactic holiday season, keep warm in this Star Wars Christmas sweater.

Because nothing brings in the spirit of Christmas more than having your legs stuck in a Wampa cave on Hoth and dismembering it with a lightsaber. Yeah, how festive.

3. Hold your ear of corn like a Jedi with this lightsaber cob holder.

Yeah, what great way to cause sword fighting at the dinner table. Still, an ear of corn doesn’t look as badass as a laser.

4. For children, there’s nothing like a game of “hot potato” with a thermal detonator.

Uh, does anyone at Disney have any idea what a thermal detonator is? Well, it’s a heat sensitive grenade. Let that sink in.

5. Use the Force for the great outdoors with this Star Wars fish tackle kit.

From GeeksterInk: “Gimmie a break. Star Wars fishing rods? When I think sci-fi action, I for sure think, “watching my dad pound eleven beers at six a.m. in the middle of mosquito infested farm run off lake.”. For sure.”

6. Enjoy the music from the Dark Side with this Darth Vader CD player.

From Gizmodo: “So let’s get this straight. He commands an army of genetically engineered clone troopers, is capable of building a working lightsabre, and has a super weapon the size of a small moon at his disposal. But this Darth Vader-themed radio can only play CDs and tune in AM or FM stations? Come on, even being able to play WMA files — arguably just as evil as Vader — would have been better than this.”

7. Be a whiz in your kitchen with this R2-D2 spatula.

From Gizmodo: “… at first glance this R2-D2 themed spatula looks like a whimsical addition to your kitchen. But there’s a reason spatulas are made with a boring rounded shape. All the extra details on R2’s silhouette are going to tear your pancakes to shreds when you try to flip them. So we can’t help but wonder if this was actually designed by a Sith who’s laughing at us maniacally from a galaxy far, far away.”

8. Keep warm this December with these Star Wars blends.

Now these consist of Vader’s Dark Side Roast, Hoth Cocoa, and Yoda Dagobah Green Tea. Yeah, I know it’s pretty ridiculous. But you can’t make these things up.

9. Use the Force on your night with the boys with this Star Wars poker set.

Because nothing says a sci-fi adventure like boozing, losing several hundred bucks, and brawling with your friends. Good times, (not).

10. Show your undying love and devotion with this R2-D2 engagement ring.

Call me old-fashioned, but unless you and your girlfriend really like Star Wars, I’d stick with the traditional diamond ring. It’s much easier.

11. Be a Jedi master in the bathroom with a Millennium Falcon toilet seat and a lightsaber plunger.

Now at least the Millennium Falcon toilet seat is better than Han Solo in carbonite. However, I’m not sure about the lightsaber plunger. That’s just hard to take seriously.

12. For breakfast, wake up in the morning with Han Solo Pop Tarts.

While Han Solo may be frosted in carbonite, these are frosted with chocolate icing. Not sure how I feel about that one.

13. May the Force be with you and enjoy some Star Wars Giant Lightsaber Pocky Sticks.

This is a candy from Japan. Comes in grape, green tea, and strawberry. Disgusting.

14. Bring your toast to the Dark Side with this Darth Vader toaster.

Basically burns half your toast with an image of the Sith lord himself. So if you love Star Wars and don’t mind that, this is for you.

15. Tempt your Fido to the Dark Side with their own Darth Vader dog dish.

Now with this dog dish, you and Rover can rule the galaxy together. Then again, Rover’s probably not going to give a shit on what his dish looks like.

16. Bring your room to life with this Han Solo in Carbonite woven throw.

From Odyssey: “What better way to spruce up a room than Han Solo frozen in carbonite on your bed?” Now that’s a good point, unless you’re Jabba the Hutt.

17. Get comfy around the TV with this Jabba the Hutt beanbag chair.

From Odyssey: “Because we all want to fall asleep to a warm hug from this gross, slug-like crime lord of Tattooine.” Seriously, why the hell would anyone think this is a good idea? Jabba the Hutt is disgusting.

18. Store gumballs in this Yoda dispenser using the power of the Force.

Is it just me or do you have to get gumballs from this by pressing Yoda’s crotch? I’m just saying some parents might have a problem with that.

19. Step outside your yard with a pair of R2-D2 crocs.

For God’s sake, R2-D2 basically saves everyone’s ass in the original trilogy, and this what he gets? Surely the droid deserves more respect than that.

20. Wake up in the morning with some Kellogg’s C-3PO’s.

Yes, they had this in the 1980s. No, I don’t think it’s available now. Still, when I think about droids, I don’t think about munching on them with their nuts and bolts.

21. For your intergalactic delicacies, these lightsaber chopsticks will do just nicely.

And if I actually got these, I’d have another way to embarrass myself at an Asian restaurant. How they manage to eat rice with these things, I have no idea.

22. Now you can be your own master with these Jedi and Sith bathrobes.

From Oddee: “Ever wonder what Jedis wear when they are just lounging around the house? As it turns out, their bathrobes look almost the exact same as their street clothes, only they come in soft terrycloth.”

23. Bake your own dishes with this Space Slug oven mitt.

You know that asteroid creature that ate up the Millennium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back? Turns out, the Exogarth’s appetite now allots for pizza rolls. Just don’t mistake it for a cave.

24. Keep warm out in the woods this season with this Tauntaun sleeping bag.

Now this piece of ridiculous merchandise was created as an April Fool’s prank. Makes a lot of sense because I sure wouldn’t want to sleep in the entrails of a frozen dead animal.

25. Show your disco moves all night long to Meco’s Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk.

From Oddee: “Sure the Star Wars soundtrack is pretty bumping on its own, but just imagine the complete and total level of awesomeness that occurs when you mix the cantina song with some sweet disco and funk beats.” Seriously, did they have to make disco covers for everything during the 1970s?

26. Keep your fish happy and your home spruced up with your very own R2-D2 fish tank.

From GeeksterInk: “You know what is probably the last thing a robot wants? A fish tank shoved up his ass.” Think I would agree with that, especially R2-D2.

27. Cook some of your favorite galactic recipes with these Star Wars cookbooks.

And I thought the Hunger Games cookbook was ridiculous but at least that series paid some attention to food. Wonder what kind of recipes are in this one.

And I thought the Hunger Games cookbook was ridiculous but at least that series paid some attention to food. Wonder what kind of recipes are in these two.

28. Put your things in this mesh C-3PO backpack.

You mean the part when he was torn apart that Chewbacca had to carry and put him back together again. Oh, and he put the protocol droid on backwards?

29. This Darth Vader china plate will always be a splendid addition to your dining room.

Hmmm….for some reason I don’t see Darth Vader being surrounded by flowers. Guess I picture him to be a bit on the Dark Side.

30. When it comes to cleaning car windows during the winter time, this Wampa snow scraper mitt always comes in handy.

Now this one actually might be effective. Still, using a disembodied arm to clear your windshield might freak out your neighbors. And it doesn’t help that Luke cut off a Wampa’s arm with a lightsaber.

31. Keep snug and warm this winter in these Star Wars adult onesies.

Now these consist of Stormtrooper, Boba Fett, Darth Vader, and a Rebel Fighter. I don’t know about you, but there’s just something wrong with adult men wearing something you’d normally see on babies.

32. Freshen your breath and feel the Force with Minti-Chlorians.

Yes, let the Force take care of your breath with minty freshness. Still, this is pretty hilarious.

33. Serve beer to your galactic friends with this R2-D2 beer keg.

Okay, R2-D2 is one of the most useful and resilient droids in the galaxy. And yet, he’s basically used as a beer keg to a bunch of frat boys. Something’s wrong with that.

34. Speaking of beer? Keep it chilled in your very own Han Solo in carbonite minifridge.

That way, your beer will be as fresh as Han Solo was when he was thawed out. Then again, this is just crazy for some reason.

That way, your beer will be as fresh as Han Solo was when he was thawed out. That way, you’ll always be ready for some galactic drinking games. Fortunately, it doesn’t induce hibernation sickness.

35. On a cold day, you can always warm yourself up with some Star Wars Campbell’s soup.

Now I’m sure eating these soups will put you squarely on the salty side of the Force. Because Campbell’s Hmmm….salt.

36. This Christmas celebrate the season in full Star Wars glory with Christmas in the Stars.

Seriously? Star Wars had a Christmas album? Do they even celebrate Christmas in that galaxy? And yet, you see C-3PO and R2-D2 in Santa’s workshop.

37. Be the best smelling nerfherder in the galaxy with Eau Lando Colonge and Slave Leia Perfume.

Not sure if the Star Wars saga is a great franchise to have its own perfume line. Still, love how they accessorize the bottles.

38. Become the beauty of the galaxy with the Cover Girl Star Wars Collection line. Which side will you choose?

Guess the Cover Girl Hunger Games campaign was successful. Still, this is just crazy. So now you want nerds to use your products. Nice.

39. Choose your own side of the Force with a Darth Vader or Jedi Burger.

This was an ad campaign from a French burger chain for Episode I in 1999. Still, while one will give you green poop, both will give you coronaries.

40. Use the Force to patch up some broken pipes with some Star Wars duck tape.

The adhesive Force is strong with this one. Will certainly make you the most handy Jedi in the galaxy.

41. Help your little one’s sleep with this C-3PO nightlight.

Because nothing gets a child to sleep than C-3PO's soulless, lit-up face. Odds of successfully navigating a good night's sleep with this are 3,720 to 1.

Because nothing gets a child to sleep than C-3PO’s soulless, lit-up, and disembodied face. Odds of successfully navigating a good night’s sleep with this are 3,720 to 1.

42. Spice up your love life with your very own Chewbacca gimp suit.

If you’re an avid Star Wars fan who’s into BDSM and/or Furries, this might be for you. Still, at least they don’t have a gimp suit of Finnick Odair. Now that would be bad.

43. Decorate your tree this Christmas with an ornament depicting the showdown at the Cantina.

Because nothing says Christmas like a smuggler shooting a bounty hunter in the middle of a crowded Cantina full of dirtbags. Yeah, maybe “Han shoots first” is not an appropriate Christmas slogan.

44. Decorate your bathroom in the Star Wars spirit with It’s a Crap! toilet cover.

From GeeksterInk: “Admiral Ackbar’s famous line, “It’s a trap!” lovingly rendered into a toilet pun that allows you to shit into a Star Wars character’s mouth.” Seriously, Admiral Ackbar deserves more respect and dignity than this.

45. Decorate your bedroom in the Force with these lightsaber lava lamps.

Now this might make people think that you’re on the trippier side of the Force. Also, might lead some suspect that you have weed, if your place smells bad enough.

46. Preserve your food with this Han Solo in carbonite refrigerator.

Now this is guaranteed to preserve your food for a long time like carbonite preserved Han Solo. But this is without the hibernation sickness after thaw.

47. Send your letter in snail mail with these Star Wars stamps.

Now these are only available in Great Britain. Features some new characters as well as some of the old classics.

48. Keep dry with this lightsaber umbrella.

Not sure what to think about this. To me, I don’t think you’re supposed to have a lightsaber umbrella. Probably because I’ve seen people dismembered by them in the Star Wars movies.

49. Make your work space better with your very own Han Solo in carbonite desk.

Also can be used to intimidate underlings as a reminder of what would happen to them if they don’t cater to your wishes. Yeah, wouldn’t want to mess with anyone who owns a desk like this.

50. Turn lights on and off with your very own Han Solo in carbonite light switch.

Now you can switch lights on and off by flipping the lever on Han Solo's crotch. Seriously, does anyone see what's wrong with this? I mean did the designers think this through?

Now you can switch lights on and off by flipping the lever on Han Solo’s dick. Seriously, does anyone see what’s wrong with this? I mean did the designers think this through?

51. Step out into the theaters this December in a pair of lightsaber high heeled shoes.

Still, given the chance that there will be icy roads and snow on the ground, I wouldn’t recommend women wear these. Seriously, you might want to opt for something more comfortable.

52. Now you can decipher R2-D2’s speech with How to Speak Droid with R2-D2.

Yes, R2-D2 speaks in beeps but is this really necessary? I mean he’s not that hard to understand since he communicates with the other characters just fine.

53. Celebrate this Christmas on the Dark Side with your very own Darth Vader Christmas inflatable.

Because nothing personifies the spirit of Christmas like a Sith Lord who force chokes his underlings, blows up his daughter’s planet, and cuts off his son’s hand. Yes, true Christmas spirit, indeed.

54. Sleep tight like Han Solo in this Millennium Falcon bed.

From QZ: “For $4,000, your child can sleep in a crib shaped like the cockpit of Han Solo’s ship, complete with painted-on dials and levers. It’s unlikely to be able to do the Kessel Run, but it’s perfect for sleepy children with no imagination.”

55. Now you can play dirty galactic strip poker with the Ladies of Star Wars playing card deck.

Okay, how many women in Star Wars are there. Certainly, there aren’t a lot with speaking roles. Will probably mostly consist of minor characters or examples of Padme Amidala’s unlimited wardrobe.

56. Use the Force to open a pint a beer with your very own lightsaber bottle opener.

Sure it may be handy. But I don’t know if carrying it around with you will make you a darling at the Star Wars convention.

57. Make it happy hour in your galaxy Cantina with this Star Wars pewter bar ware set.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, Yoda, C-3PO, and R2-D2. Still, wouldn’t trust a drunk person with the C-3PO knife or the Darth Vader corkscrew.

58. Once they pop, the fun won’t stop with these Star Wars Pringles.

Comes in Chewbacca Cheddar Cheese, Skywalker Sour Cream and Onion, Han Solo Salt and Vineger, Boba Fett BBQ, and Darth Vader Original. Yes, I’m just as baffled as you are.

59. Grace your bathroom with this Star Wars: The Force Awakens shower curtain.

From QZ: “Was a regular wall poster of the film you haven’t even seen yet just not cutting it? How about a shower curtain? For $20 you can be greeted by a cast of characters who currently mean nothing to you, every time you use the bathroom.”

60. If you love Star Wars, then play Operation with R2-D2.

You know because R2-D2 tends to be a stubborn little droid that has all kinds of shit happen to him. Yeah, saving everyone's ass is bound to get you busted a few times.

You know because R2-D2 tends to be a stubborn and adventurous little droid that has all kinds of shit happen to him. Yeah, saving everyone’s ass is bound to get you busted a few times.

61. Bottoms up with your very own R2-D2 hip flask.

Hmm…so they have Star Wars hip flasks you can get drunk on or sneak alcohol in. Interesting. Might mean that AA and rehab could be your only hope.

62. Give your frog the Star Wars treatment with this Dagobah Frog Habitat.

I’m sure pet frogs everywhere will love hanging around Yoda’s planet. Then again, I don’t think your frog gives a shit about Star Wars.

63. Study ants with the Force with your very own Felucia Ant Farm.

From Huffington Post: “Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an ant farm is approximately 3,720 to 1.” Also, the odds of buying one are similar as well.

64. Now you can be the grill meister of the galaxy with your very own Death Star grill.

Now this product does exist as I’ve looked on Ebay. However, this might be an idealized computer representation. But you see why it’s funny.

65. Now your cat can enjoy the Star Wars franchise with these Star Wars catnip toys from Petco.

These consist of Chewbacca, Darth Vader, Yoda, and a Stormtrooper. And they look like rats. Lovely.

66. Have lots of fun in the spud galaxy with none other than a Star Wars Mr. Potato Head.

This one is Darth Tater. They also have one of Chewbacca and R2-D2, but they didn't seem as iconic.

This one is Darth Tater. They also have one of Chewbacca, Yoda, and R2-D2, but they didn’t seem as iconic.

67. The Force is strong with this Star Wars self-stirring mug.

Wonder what it’s like drinking something from a self-stirring mug. Maybe I don’t want to find out. Still, the slogan seems appropriate.

68. Speaking of coffee, stir it with the Force this year with some Nestle Coffee Mate.

Now these seem to consist of R2-D2 French Vanilla, Chewbacca Spiced Latte, C-3PO Hazelnut, Boba Fett Italian Creme, and Darth Vader Espresso Chocolate. Yeah, I don’t think “Italian Creme” best describes Boba Fett either. But I didn’t come with these. So don’t blame me.

69. Use the power of the Dark with these Star Wars golf bags.

Of course, if you’re Darth Vader’s caddy, God help you. Seriously, caddying for that guy runs a serious risk of being force choked if he has a terrible game.

70. Be a Jedi grill master on the barbecue with a pair of lightsaber barbecue tongs.

I can imagine this conversation. Obi Wan: “Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.” Luke: “What is it?” Obi Wan: “Your father’s lightsaber tongs. This is the utensil of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a spatula. An elegant utensil, for a more civilized age.”

I can imagine this conversation. From QZ:
Obi Wan: “Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.”
Luke: “What is it?”
Obi Wan: “Your father’s lightsaber tongs. This is the utensil of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a spatula. An elegant utensil, for a more civilized age.”

71. Roast your Rebel Alliance burgers on your very own R2-D2 smoker grill.

Now this looks like a big grill with plenty of room for fuel. Is this gas or charcoal? Still, like the wheels.

72. For your office paper tears, this C-3PO tape dispenser is at your disposal.

Now I know that C-3PO has nothing down there, genital wise. Nevertheless, this is one of the most vulgar scotch tape dispenser I’ve ever seen.

73. Now you can ask Jedi Master Yoda a question with this.

And if you want to know the answer, just shake him and look under his but. Just do that. There is no try.

And if you want to know the answer, just shake him and look under his butt. Works like one of those magic 8 ball things. Just do that. There is no try.

74. Fasten your seatbelts and in case you need to vomit, feel free to spew into these lightsaber barf bags.

These were used by Virgin Airlines to promote one of the prequels. Yeah, I know it’s ridiculous, but I didn’t come up the idea. So don’t blame me for it.

75. If you liked Episode I, then you’ll certainly enjoy this Jar Jar Binks candy tongue.

As if anyone would fantasize French kissing Jar Jar Binks, who's one of the most obnoxious and annoying characters in the franchise. From GeeksterInk:

As if anyone would fantasize French kissing Jar Jar Binks, who’s one of the most obnoxious and annoying characters in the franchise. For me, that’s a nightmare scenario. Who the hell thought this was good idea ought to be filled with shame by now. From GeeksterInk: “Great idea. As if people didn’t hate Jar-Jar enough after The Phantom Menace, now he’s making children suck his tongue? Not on my watch.”

76. Spread the Christmas spirit this year with these Star Wars nutcrackers.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, R2-D2, Yoda, regular Stormtrooper, and Christmas Stormtrooper. Christmas Stormtrooper is wearing a Santa hat and carries a candy cane.

77. Make your Star Wars marathon a pizza party with this talking R2-D2 pizza cutter.

Cuts your pizza while giving R2-D2’s signature beeps and blips. Yeah, I don’t know why they thought this was a good idea either.

78. Make bath time so much fun with these Pond Wars rubber ducks.

From Oddee: “There’s nothing quite as relaxing as a nice long bath, unless that bath happens to be the center for an intergalactic war between the ultimate evil republic and the freedom fighting rebels. Did I mention these guys glow in multiple colors thanks to sweet LED lights?” At least they don’t have rubber ducks of Hunger Games characters….yet.

79. Cool off this summer with one of these Star Wars misters.

From Gizmodo: “Probably invented before the days of MovieTickets.com when sweaty fanboys had to line up in the sweltering summer heat to actually buy tickets at the box office, these handheld misters provide a refreshing blast of mist with every pump. Now we can understand why Yoda would be coming to your aide on a hot day, but Vader and Boba Fett? It seems highly unlikely. They’re more likely to let you die of heat stroke and then feed your corpse to a Rankor for fun.”

80. If you love Star Wars and classic horror movies, then you’ll find these Star Wars monster bobbleheads a scream.

Because one of the most menacing movie villains of all time can’t be scary enough without being mashed with Frankenstein’s monster. Also has Yoda as a zombie and Chewbacca as a werewolf.

81. Feel the Dark Side of the Force with this one of a kind collectible Star Wars watch.

Now that’s a massive wrist watch inspired by Darth Vader and his Imperial fighters. It’s a limited edition in Britain and said to cost $28,500. You’re better off buying a car with that money.

82. Keep your possessions safe with this interactive R2-D2 money bank.

Courtesy of Apple. Requires iPhone activation. Not sure if I’d keep my keys and credit cards in there.

83. For your Star Wars marathons, watch these movies in this customized home theater.

Now I like Star Wars since it has a great story and characters. But still, I think this is just going way too far. Yeah, that’s ridiculous, all right.

84. Keep warm this winter with this one of a kind R2-D2 wood stove.

Because if there’s anything that hurts a droid it’s having to deal with being fired upon. Now someone thought it was good idea to set his insides in flames. Nice.

85. Those who think gnomes are too earthbound will certainly love this Jawa lawn ornament.

Okay, I don’t quite see Jawa as the gardening sort. For one, they inhabit Tattooine, a desert planet. Second, don’t they kidnap droids and sell them?

86. Keep your desk tidy with this Darth Vader pencil holder.

Yes, stick your pens in to Anakin Skywalker’s brain. Still, Games Radar says it looks kind of like an S&M hedgehog.

87. Keep your TV antennas in place with the Dark Side with this Darth Vader antenna topper.

Of course, now that we have switched to digital, this item is now rendered obsolete. Still, would you want Darth Vader’s head on your TV? Not me.

88. Set the evening atmosphere to your liking with this Darth Vader mood light.

From Entertainment Unlimited: “Love is in the air. And what better to spread the atmosphere of mushy love; a Darth Vader Mood Light! A perfect ‘Force’ to bring in intimacy and increase sexual desire. Bloody, red eyes on the disembodied head of Darth Vader staring back at you and your partner, while you both do your thing. It’s positively terrifying and nothing close to being romantic. Unless, of course, you are a fan of Jack, The Ripper.”

89. Now you can listen to your favorite Imperial Empire soundtrack with this Death Star Bluetooth speaker.

Of course, it might be appropriate when I’m playing Star Wars soundtrack. But when I’m playing music by Billy Joel, not so much.

90. Dispose your garbage in your very own R2-D2 trash bin.

Yeah, this might be a good idea. But then again, I don’t think R2-D2 would appreciate having you throw stuff away into his body. That’s not what an R2 unit does.

91. Spread holiday cheer this Christmas with this Darth Vader figurine of him in a Santa hat and red cape.

Apparently, Lord Vader finds your lack of Christmas cheer disturbing. Of course, he should give it a break since it’s November for Christ’s sake.

92. Make R2-D2 your beer butler with this R2-D2 moving beer fridge.

Yes, have R2-D2 keep beer cold for you. Even when he has other things on his mind like saving his friends from Darth Vader.

93. Cook delicious recipes with the Force with your very own R2-D2 measuring cup set.

Disassembles into 4 cups and 4 measuring spoons. You can also reassemble it after you’ve washed them. Still, not sure what to think about this.

94. Use the Force to roll your smokes with these lightsaber rolling papers.

I suppose that these would be a hit for the Star Wars fans living in Colorado where pot’s legal. Sure to make any pothead feel like a Jedi.

95. For those Star Wars football fans, this R2-D2 pigskin might just strike your fancy.

Sure there may be Star Wars fans who like football. But does that mean an R2-D2 football is a good idea? I kind of beg to differ.

96. Step in stride with a pair of your very own furry Chewbacca crocs.

Now R2-D2 crocs are one thing. But these, seriously, I have no idea what the designer was thinking. Besides, the fur just makes these look worse.

97. Curl up on your living room floor with this furry Chewbacca skin rug.

From CNET: “On the surface, this Chewbacca rug looks cozy and fun. You just want to lay on it and dream about taking out the Death Star. But let’s look closer. To make this rug, someone would have to skin a Wookiee, poach its bandolier and then have the gumption to display it in a home, flaunting the horrifying act.” Doesn’t help that the girl in this picture is dressed as Princess Leia.

98. Make a Star Wars fashion statement with these Han Solo in carbonite rings.

I don’t know but you. But there’s just something a bit insensitive about wearing a frozen guy on your finger. I’m not sure what it is.

99. That’s no moon. That’s a Death Star tea infuser.

The ad for this says: “Have a cup now and worry about the thermal exhaust port later.” As if the rebels are going to blow it up and kill everyone inside it. Oh, they did.

100. Keep your kitchen knives neatly arranged with this Rebel X-Wing knife block.

Yes, chop veggies knowing that your X-Wing knife block can destroy the Death Star if need be. Comes with 5 stainless steel knives. Still, I think the blade direction on this might pose a hazard for children.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: WTF?