Uh, let’s just hope that Bert got tangled in the bead garlands by accident. But since people think they’re gay and Fifty Shades of Grey being a pop culture hit, this is probably one of the most unintentionally inappropriate children’s album covers of all time. I mean Grover and Cookie Monster now look understandably horrified at the moment.

Good: Might help curb rodent infestations. Bad: Seriously, “Jingle Bells” is annoying as it is but do you really want to listen to cats meowing to it? Ugly: Might give your cat an inferiority complex.

I think Dino might have to watch out for the creepy blond woman who’s plotting to murder his girlfriend in a way that it would look like an accident. Yeah, let’s just say women like that would make a winter romance turn into a winter nightmare.

As someone who’s seen Hairspray, I think these women have more chemicals in their hair than the whole cast put together. Wonder how long it took for these women to style their hair in the morning.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think Uncle Charlie’s idea of playtime involves toy trains or toys of any other kind. I think it involves Uncle Charlie doing unspeakable things to Billy in the bathroom.

I understand Asleep at the Wheel is the group’s name. But I’m not sure if it makes a great name to put on a Christmas album cover. It just brings to mind a car accident waiting to happen instead of good cheer. Also the armadillo is freaky.

“Santa, ramp up your amp and play your guitar hard./’Cause Hell’s broke loose in North Pole and the Devil deals the cards./And if you win you get this shiny guitar made of gold,/But if you lose the devil gets your soul……”

Now I’m not sure what to make of pose. I mean her nipples are showing and you can almost see her crotch. That ain’t right.

Wonder how Charo managed to survive winter without losing her legs. Seriously, high red stockings will not keep you warm below freezing temperatures.

Seems like Santa Claus really isn’t enjoying being hugged in this photo op. But he just didn’t have the courage to say, no, no, no.

Now I see nothing wrong with a gangta rap Christmas album. And I don’t see anything wrong with a black Santa either. However, seeing Santa wielding an AK-47 is just plain wrong.

Of course, when designing Celtic Woman’s Christmas album, it’s said that Lisa Frank’s dog got loose and took a giant dump all over it. They were never able to clean up the mess.

Of course, if you want to track Santa on Christmas Eve, maybe it’s better to listen to NORAD on the radio. Why get Santa news reports from a record anyway? Kind of freaky if you think about it.

While Cindy and Randy played like sports during the photo shoot, Janie wanted none of that. Of course, they had to go with the best photo in the bunch.

Not sure if that rocket’s going to hold all the toys, Danta. Also, what’s with the other Santas at the launch site? Or are they elves? I don’t know.

Looking at him like this, I find it hard to believe this guy was a huge star in his prime as well as married 8 times. One of these was Ava Gardner out of all people. Vanity Fair said he’s “the original Hollywood trainwreck.”

For God’s sake, who the hell thought this would make a great idea for a Christmas album cover? This is just totally sick. Hopefully, this album came out before the Jerry Sandusky scandal at Penn State. But I may be wrong.

From The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit: “From the looks of Frederik, there’s only one of four things he wants to do this Christmas. 1. Sex you up. 2. Chop you into little pieces. 3. Sex you up and then chop you into little pieces. 4. Chop you into little pieces and then sex you up.” Why doesn’t he just make it convenient and get a woodchipper like in Fargo? Oh, sorry about that, Steve Buschemi.

From Cracked: “Ah, nothing says Christmas like a cross-dressing, possibly mentally challenged man fighting Santa over an ugly doll. It’s just like in that classic Christmas carol, ‘I Saw Mommy Try to Stop Daddy from Wearing Her Dresses and Cold-Cocking Santa.'” Don’t ask me, I wasn’t consulted.

I pray to God that this girl is at least 18. Because from her eyes, I don’t think she just wants to disco with Santa. Also, why would anyone want to disco with Santa?

From Chudbeaglemusic Blog: “Think of it ladies-an evening of Mr. Bowes regaling us on his male organ and drinking his drugged wine, waiting to open the gifts of boxed-up body parts under the tree. Happy holidays!” I’ll pass, thank you very much. Seriously, I don’t want to drink with this guy.

Then again, he probably wishes he had 50 grand for Christmas. But with this album cover, he probably should’ve went with “I’ll Be Broke for Christmas.”

Of course, Jack Benny played the violin badly as part of his comic routine. However, I don’t think his comedy translates well when he’s in a Santa suit. Also, I think the kids are more anxious about opening presents than Jack Benny anyway.

Yes, that’s Carol Channing. Yes, she’s a famous celebrity. No, I don’t think she made a lot of horror movies. Yeah, I do think her face is bound to give little children nightmares.

Yeah, decorate your hair with ornaments and lights. Of course, you’d have to walk slow so the baubles won’t fall off. And you can’t walk too far from the electrical outlet those lights are plugged in.

That poor pooch probably doesn’t care for photo ops. Or maybe Fats Domino Christmas music. Wonder why it looks so blase. What a way to ruin a picture.

Uh, Santa, I don’t think it’s a good idea to drive a magic reindeer pulled sleigh while under the influence. I mean this is how some kids get the wrong toys.

I think this is supposed to be a satire on Christmas commercialism, consumerism, and materialism. And from how I see his face, he kind of looks pretty depressed about it.

From Chudbeaglemusic Blog: “I’m thinking our friend Gunther gets his “ding dong” licked by that poor, wretched dog each night. That ‘stache and Gunther’s pouty lips make me want to cancel Christmas.”

This boy seems like: “A sewing machine? What kind of lame ass gift is that? Why couldn’t you let me unwrap a Roughrider BB gun that I asked for?”

Okay that castle looks fairly run down. Not sure what to make out about the dogs. But I have to admit, that dummy is just completely terrifying if you ask me.

Heard they play this kind of music at Guatanamo Bay and in customer service departments. Let’s just say that Muzak is what they play on occasions like enhanced interrogations, when you’re on hold, or to drive away some unruly teens from loitering.

Now my grandma is a huge fan of this guy. Still, with a voice like his and tons of fan girls, they should’ve been able to come up with a better design than some creepy photoshop like this.

Look, Ray Charles is a musical legend and a great singer and musician. Love his music and love Ray. However, this is not the kind of guy who should be driving a one horse open sleigh. Seriously, the guy’s blind as a bat. Not to mention, he wasn’t quite sober and clean.

And it seems like Mommy and Santa are about to be getting into the nasty. Yes, Santa is a pervert and a very naughty boy.

You know the creepy uncle you only see on holidays? You know the one who travels around in a windowless van your parents won’t let you in? Well, he released a Christmas album.

From The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit: “I thought the Six Million Dollar Man was supposed to be a good guy? Based on this cover, it seems as if he’s killed Santa, put on his costume, and jettisoned St. Nick’s corpse into space on board a rocket. Man, that’s effed up. Jolly ol’ Steve Austin looks like he’s getting some kind of sick thrill from the whole thing – check out that demonic smirk. Later, Austin uses his bionic powers to crush the Elves’ Revolt. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard the sound of an elf’s windpipe being crushed in slo-mo.”

I don’t think Ben Best looks like this and I have no idea who that guy is. Still, why the designer had to resort to the most uncreative gimmick to sell this album is beyond me. Yeah, let’s hope she gets some clothes for Christmas.

Now that’s no way to treat a lady. Looks like Bon Scott has basically kidnapped her and now he’s probably in very deep shit. Yeah, he has a weird look in his face.

Yes, marvel at Bootsy’s wonderful divine powers at his celestial creation of a big ass star. Yeah, his Christmas town is sure shining tonight.

I don’t know about you. But robbing a bank is very naughty, Santa Claus. And it can lead to a long prison sentence. You don’t want to go there.

I don’t know about you. But something tells me that Johnny’s new girlfriend Jenny might be a vampire. I don’t know why, just look at her eyes and teeth. Not that it’s none of my business.

From Cracked: “Why is a wolf-tiger hybrid groping its own tail while it plots to eat that girl? Why is a clown head sitting in a bush? Was the clown decapitated? If so, why’d he die with such a smile on his face? What part of the Nutcracker Suite was that in? Is that a log next to the clown head, or a slowly decomposing alligator? Why isn’t the cold preserving its corpse? Has there always been this much snow in hell? So many questions.” Yes, this is a cover that’s bound to give any child nightmares. And the ballet was pretty creepy, too.

From Chudbeaglemusic Blog: “It has been said the studio sessions for The Rhodes Kids were fraught with debauchery of cocaine binges, physical fights, sexual attacks on stuffed animals and worse yet…those ghastly outfits. The Rhodes Kids currently have a massive following in Fiji and still tour there.”

Now this is just so ridiculous like that Chess King vintage ad from the 1980s. But man, it’s sure a purple yuletide dream or nightmare.

Now I heard they used this bird in a movie called The Snowbird Before Christmas. It was a slasher horror movie. And yes, this guy was the one killing everyone on Christmas Eve.

Kids, you might not like getting clothes for Christmas. But if you do, you will never look as tacky as this guy. Yes, the 1970s weren’t the best decade for fashion.

Still, I was expecting Santa to have access to state of the art technology most intelligence agencies operate on. This makes me a bit disappointed. Oh wait, that’s a synthesizer, dammit. Yeah, those can be quite annoying.

I don’t know about you. But I really have a bad feeling about that girl seeing Santa in his underwear and a present behind his back.

I’m sure wearing garlands of tinsel might not cover you up for long. And I’m sure it’s not comfortable to wear. Also, looks incredibly ridiculous. Just saying.