Pass the Drumstick with These Thanksgiving Craft Projects

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Of course, back when we were in school, we all should remember doing some sort of Thanksgiving craft project. I know I have. I mean we all should have some idea about drawing turkeys with hands. Still, craft projects have always been associated with elementary school children in art class, in one way or another. However, contrary to what a recent immigrant might see on the TV screens or around the block, Thanksgiving is a holiday and Americans do celebrate it with food and family. Yes, it denotes the time when the Indians helped a bunch of religious puritanical separatists (and others) survive after they lost nearly half their group during their first New England winter. And we know that some of those Indians would later regret that act of kindness in the long run when later settlers decided to seize their landholdings. Oh, and the fact the Indians didn’t appreciate the gifts the Pilgrims had in store for them like small pox. But we don’t tell little ones that much. No, we try to sanitize it to fit a more elementary school audience because they might be traumatize by the idea of Native American genocide. Still, many of the craft projects that I’ll present aren’t the appropriate kind for elementary school kids in art class. Rather these are for people like parents, party hosts, and repressed art majors. So for your reading pleasure, here is an assortment of craft projects for Thanksgiving.

  1. There’s never enough tulle to make a turkey wreath.
From what I've seen, turkeys aren't usually red, orange, or yellow. They're usually brown and black. Well, at least the wild ones are.

From what I’ve seen, turkeys aren’t usually red, orange, or yellow. They’re usually brown and black. Well, at least the wild ones are.

2. Bring in the autumn spirit this Thanksgiving with these hanging acorns.

Now these are adorable. Hope they don't go on any Christmas tree. That might not be appropriate.

Now these are adorable. Hope they don’t go on any Christmas tree. That might not be appropriate.

3. Get your hair in the Thanksgiving mood with these Pilgrim hair clips.

Now these are so adorable. Makes you want to forget how bad things got between the Massachusetts settlers and the Wampanoag in later decades.

Now these are so adorable. Makes you want to forget how bad things got between the Massachusetts settlers and the Wampanoag in later decades.

4. Set your place at your Thanksgiving dinner with this turkey place mat.

Now you can put all your utensils inside the turkey's feathers. Still, wonder why anyone would need to eat a meal with 3 different forks and 2 different spoons is beyond me.

Now you can put all your utensils inside the turkey’s feathers. Still, wonder why anyone would need to eat a meal with 3 different forks and 2 different spoons is beyond me.

5. Grace your Thanksgiving table with this pine cone turkey.

Now this is something kids could make. Just need feathers, pine cone, pipe cleaners, and googly eyes.

Now this is something kids could make. Just need feathers, pine cone, pipe cleaners, and googly eyes.

6. Any balls of yarn can be a turkey if you add some cloth attributes.

Now this is a cute turkey. But it seems to have weird blue eyes that makes it look dazed for some reason.

Now this is a cute turkey. But it seems to have weird blue eyes that makes it look dazed for some reason.

7. For garland decorations, how about try Indian corn?

As I found out while doing my movie history series, Indian corn didn't look like this in the 1620s. The kernels were said to be much smaller.

While this was indeed the corn used by Native Americans during the first Thanksgiving. However, its texture doesn’t resemble corn as we know it.

8. Deck your home for Thanksgiving with these autumn leaf samplers.

Now these come in so many colors and shapes. Still, not sure what kind of leaves they are.

Now these come in so many colors and shapes. Still, not sure what kind of leaves they are from the looks of them.

9. When making a decorative turkey, it helps if you stick feathers in a pumpkin.

Actually, it would look better with some darker feathers. Then again, the turkeys I usually see are usually brown or black.

Actually, it would look better with some darker feathers. Then again, the turkeys I usually see are usually brown or black anyway.

10. This turkey hair clip would make anyone’s hair festive this Thanksgiving season.

Now this was made from ribbon. Still, the googly eyes make this turkey seem dazed or cross eyed for some reason or another.

Now this was made from ribbon. Still, the googly eyes make this turkey seem dazed or cross eyed for some reason or another.

11. For a more autumn look, it helps if you use leaves to hang them by your window.

However, you might want to get the leaves when they're still colorful and on the trees. Because by November, they're brown and fall off.

However, you might want to get the leaves when they’re still colorful and on the trees. Because by November, they’re brown and fall off.

12. Grace your Thanksgiving table this year with this flower turkey centerpiece.

Now I'm not sure about putting turkeys on flowers. Just seems a bit weird for me. But to each his own.

Now I’m not sure about putting turkeys on flowers. Just seems a bit weird for me. But to each his own.

13. Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” on your doorstep than this burlap turkey wreath.

Not sure if it looks like a turkey to me. But I see it has feathers, legs, and a Pilgrim hat.

Not sure if it looks like a turkey to me. But I see it has feathers, legs, and a Pilgrim hat.

14. For a more harvest feel on your front door, this tulle harvest wreath will do quite nicely.

Now this is pretty and it's all in fall colors. Love the autumn decorations on this, too.

Now this is pretty and it’s all in fall colors. Love the autumn decorations on this, too.

15. Keep your little one warm this Thanksgiving with this crocheted turkey cap.

Now this is adorable. Sure it might look ridiculous on an older child. But I don't think a toddler is going to remember wearing something like this.

Now this is adorable. Sure it might look ridiculous on an older child. But I don’t think a toddler is going to remember wearing something like this.

16. For a more festive Thanksgiving, this burlap turkey wreath might serve your fancy.

Yes, I know it's another burlap turkey wreath. But this has a brighter disposition wit the vibrant orange bow.

Yes, I know it’s another burlap turkey wreath. But this has a brighter disposition wit the vibrant orange bow.

17. For a more colorful and 3-dimensional turkey, you can always make one from paper machete.

Now this looks well done and certainly not made by a kid. At least not a kid without exceptional art skills.

Now this looks well done and certainly not made by a kid. At least not a kid without exceptional art skills.

18. Cuddle up this Thanksgiving with these crocheted Pilgrim plushies.

Now these are cute. Love their clothes though they're more suited for Pilgrim Sunday dress than anything.

Now these are cute. Love their clothes though they’re more suited for Pilgrim Sunday dress than anything.

19. Keep warm while watching the parade this Thanksgiving with this turkey quilt.

Now the feathers are in a variety of fabrics to make it look rustic but colorful. But each feather uses fall colors despite the pattern.

Now the feathers are in a variety of fabrics to make it look rustic but colorful. But each feather uses fall colors despite the pattern.

20. Grace your Thanksgiving table with a fall floral centerpiece like this.

Now I'm sure the flowers are as fake as the ones on grave sites. Because most flowers are dead by November. Still, it's pretty.

Now I’m sure the flowers are as fake as the ones on grave sites. Because most flowers are dead by November. Still, it’s pretty.

21. Bring the Thanksgiving spirit to your home by stuffing your own cornucopia this year.

Now this looks like it was stuff with stuff you'd see at someone's grave. But at least they have a turkey feather in there.

Now this looks like it was stuff with stuff you’d see at someone’s grave. But at least they have a turkey feather in there.

22. Now this turkey quilt has feathers of all different colors.

Of course, I kind of find it strange why they dress turkeys a Pilgrims in Thanksgiving art. I mean it's an American native bird. Then again, dressing it as an Indian might have unfortunate implications.

Of course, I kind of find it strange why they dress turkeys a Pilgrims in Thanksgiving art. I mean it’s an American native bird. Then again, dressing it as an Indian might have unfortunate implications.

23. Nothing makes Thanksgiving look more festive than this tulle turkey wreath.

Yes, I know it's another tulle turkey wreath. But it's quite adorable just the same, especially with those ping pong ball eyes.

Yes, I know it’s another tulle turkey wreath. But it’s quite adorable just the same, especially with those ping pong ball eyes.

24. For those who like to decorate with flowers, these Pilgrim hat bouquets will simply stun any table.

The Pilgrim hats seem to be made from flower pots and construction paper. The flowers appear to be of plastic as far as I can tell.

The Pilgrim hats seem to be made from flower pots and construction paper. The flowers appear to be of plastic as far as I can tell.

25. Create a rustic Thanksgiving atmosphere with these tree trunk candles.

You can tell this is a Thanksgiving arrangement because of the wooden turkeys. Still, let's hope the trunks don't catch fire.

You can tell this is a Thanksgiving arrangement because of the wooden turkeys. Still, let’s hope the trunks don’t catch fire.

26. Nothing is cuter on Thanksgiving than this crocheted stuffed turkey.

Kind of reminds me of the peacock from my amigurumi post of last year. Still, it's just as adorable.

Kind of reminds me of the peacock from my amigurumi post of last year. Still, it’s just as adorable.

27. Why burn a tree branch in your fire this autumn while you can make it to hold candles?

Then again, I'm not sure if it's a tree branch or a trunk. Still, you have to think the candle arrangement is clever.

Then again, I’m not sure if it’s a tree branch or a trunk. Still, you have to think the candle arrangement is clever.

28. This owl wreath is charming fall decor for any front door.

Personally, I kind of prefer owls to turkeys. Maybe it's because owls are cool birds of prey with big eyes. Turkeys on the other hand, really don't have as much coolness.

Personally, I kind of prefer owls to turkeys. Maybe it’s because owls are cool birds of prey with big eyes. Turkeys on the other hand, really don’t have as much coolness.

29. Nothing makes a great Thanksgiving centerpiece than this pumpkin bouquet.

Of course, for the fall feel the flowers has to match with the pumpkin's exterior. Thus, I'm sure most of these flowers came from a craft store.

Of course, for the fall feel the flowers has to match with the pumpkin’s exterior. Thus, I’m sure most of these flowers came from a craft store.

30. For a more fall feel, wrap a big candle with some ears of Indian corn.

Indian corn is also called

Indian corn is also called “Flint corn” since its kernels are said to be hard as flint and leave no dents. It’s also said to be rather durable.

31. Since Thanksgiving is associated with football, perhaps nothing can emphasize such spirit than a football turkey.

Yes, it's a paper kid project. But it's adorable and clever to say the least. Seriously, who ever thought of football feathers is a genius.

Yes, it’s a paper kid project. But it’s adorable and clever to say the least. Seriously, who ever thought of football feathers is a genius.

32. Be in the Thanksgiving spirit this turkey day in this turkey shirt.

Then again, it's probably one for a young girl as I can see it. I mean it has a bow and some feathers at the bottom.

Then again, it’s probably one for a young girl as I can see it. I mean it has a bow and some feathers at the bottom.

33. For the cold ride to grandmother’s house, you might want to wear this knitted turkey hat.

Now this is different from the other turkey hat. Then again, you might not want to wear this in front of your relatives for fear that they might think you're nuts.

Now this is different from the other turkey hat. Then again, you might not want to wear this in front of your relatives for fear that they might think you’re nuts.

34. Of course, you can make a turkey from a gourd and tissue paper.

Seems like kids might do in art class. Still, these do look cute if you ask me.

Seems like kids might do in art class. Still, these do look cute if you ask me.

35. This Pilgrim hat will certainly make a great Thanksgiving centerpiece.

Interesting how it has to be in festive fall decoration to be considered Thanksgiving appropriate. It could just be a Pilgrim hat and be Thanskgivingy enough.

Interesting how it has to be in festive fall decoration to be considered Thanksgiving appropriate. It could just be a Pilgrim hat and be Thanskgivingy enough.

36. Of course, a pumpkin bouquet doesn’t have to be in fall colors.

Now I like these bouquets better than the other ones I featured. Seems to have more vibrant colors.

Now I like these bouquets better than the other ones I featured. Seems to have more vibrant colors.

37. Nothing makes your Thanksgiving more like autumn like a fall flower wreath.

Now this mostly consists of Black-Eyed Susans with some leaves and a plaid bow. Still, it's quite warm and lovely.

Now this mostly consists of Black-Eyed Susans with some leaves and a plaid bow. Still, it’s quite warm and lovely.

38. Let guests know their places at the table with these turkey place holders.

Seem to come in 3 different sizes. But they seem rather easy and adorable.

Seem to come in 3 different sizes. But they seem rather easy and adorable.

39. Nothing brings the Thanksgiving spirit to your front door than this bauble autumn wreath.

Not sure if I like the colors on these. Not sure if baubles and earth tones go together.

Not sure if I like the colors on these. Not sure if baubles and earth tones go together.

40. Celebrate Thanksgiving with these Indian and Pilgrim flower pot figures.

Now these are so adorable. However, after Thanksgiving, you can use these to play Colonial Indian Wars. Yay!

Now these are so adorable. However, after Thanksgiving, you can use these to play Colonial Indian Wars. Yay!

41. It’s not Thanksgiving until you make your own sock turkey.

Now this turkey seems to have a dark tossel hat instead of a Pilgrim hat. Does that mean this turkey is a thug? Not sure.

Now this turkey seems to have a dark tossel hat instead of a Pilgrim hat. Does that mean this turkey is a thug? Not sure.

42. To express the Thanksgiving spirit, this walnut turkey pin will do nicely.

Looks like this was made in some elementary school art class. Still, it's quite cut if I say so myself.

Looks like this was made in some elementary school art class. Still, it’s quite cut if I say so myself.

43. This fall garland will certainly look rustic on anyone’s front door.

Now this doesn't seem in vibrant fall colors. But has a lot of flowers, strands of wheat, nuts, and other trimmings.

Now this doesn’t seem in vibrant fall colors. But has a lot of flowers, strands of wheat, nuts, and other trimmings.

44. Make this Thanksgiving memorable wearing this turkey dress.

Then again, this one might be for a young girl. But it is quite adorable and creative just the same.

Then again, this one might be for a young girl. But it is quite adorable and creative just the same.

45. Now this is a very colorful turkey hair clip.

Now this one has all kinds of ribbons with all kinds of colors from pink to blue. Still, it's quite cure.

Now this one has all kinds of ribbons with all kinds of colors from pink to blue. Still, it’s quite cute.

46. Now these pinwheel turkeys are sure to make the perfect outdoor Thanksgiving decoration.

Now these are cute. Then again, they'll certainly stand out in a front lawn with bare trees and fallen leaves.

Now these are cute. Then again, they’ll certainly stand out in a front lawn with bare trees and fallen leaves.

47. Your guests will sure gobble up over this wooden turkey.

Now this is just adorable. Love the wooden and the autumn leaf feathers on this one.

Now this is just adorable. Love the wooden and the autumn leaf feathers on this one.

48. These turkey hair clips will sure bring the thankful spirit.

Now these are so adorable with some ribbons and felt. Still, probably worn by kids.

Now these are so adorable with some ribbons and felt. Still, probably worn by kids.

49. Nothing brings the Thanksgiving spirit to your home than an autumn leaf wreath.

Now the leaves are fake. However, the yellow ones seem to have names on them for some reason.

Now the leaves are fake. However, the yellow ones seem to have names on them for some reason.

50. Show the harvest mood with this wheat wreath on your front door.

Now I'm sure the wheat is fake. If not, then don't hang it outside since it might attract crows.

Now I’m sure the wheat is fake. If not, then don’t hang it outside since it might attract crows.

Happy Thanksgiving Greetings from Yesteryear

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You may not know it from the media landscape. But a long time ago, Americans celebrated (and still do to some extent) a holiday known as Thanksgiving where everyone had the day off, nearly every workplace was closed, school children had the day off, and families got together for one big turkey dinner. Some even watched football, the Macy’s parade, or the National Dog Show. Yes, we tend to honor a nice moment of friendship between Pilgrims and Indians before it all resulted in rampant Colonialism, genocide, and the French and Indian War. Oh, and New England Puritanism that led to the Salem Witch Trials. But we don’t talk about that. Now if you go further back in time, people didn’t communicate much through phone or internet. Thus, people usually wrote letters to each other to keep in touch. And on special holidays, they tended to send greeting cards. Thanksgiving was no exception to that as seen here. Now we tend to see vintage Thanksgiving cards a cutesy with turkeys and fall scenery. I can go all I want with all the great Thanksgiving cards out there. But I know you’d be bored to tears, so I go with the greeting cards that might make you scratch your head or guts churn. So without further adieu, here is a lovely assortment of Thanksgiving cards from the distant past.

  1. Thanksgiving Day greetings from the kid who just killed his first turkey.
Is it just me or is this kid a little way too excited about killing a turkey? Not sure if he's feeling pride or an inordinate amount of bloodlust.

Is it just me or is this kid a little way too excited about killing a turkey? Not sure if he’s feeling pride or an inordinate amount of bloodlust.

2. Great wishes for this Thanksgiving from your little neighborhood Washington Redskins fan.

Yeah, because if anything pisses Native Americans off, it's white people wearing Indian costumes. And I'm sure that kid's not wearing an Algonquin costume.

Yeah, because if anything pisses Native Americans off, it’s white people wearing Indian costumes. And I’m sure that kid’s not wearing an Algonquin costume.

3. Nothing makes great transportation than turkey pedal power.

Well, Gobblekins might be whipped for going too slow now and then. But at least he knows he'll survive his next Thanksgiving as long as he puts the pedal to the metal.

Well, Gobblekins might be whipped for going too slow now and then. But at least he knows he’ll survive his next Thanksgiving as long as he puts the pedal to the metal.

4. “Thanks to him who spared our living. We’re here, we’re here till next Thanksgiving.”

These terrifying turkeys may be gobbling now. But little do they know about turkey season, which might be sooner than they think. Then again, they might be domestic.

These terrifying turkeys may be gobbling now. But little do they know about turkey season, which might be sooner than they think. Then again, they might be domestic.

5. “I’m the popular birdie. All right! All right!”

Unfortunately, this turkey doesn't realize why he's popular. I mean does he even know those are menus? Also, why is he in a top hat smoking a cigarette?

Unfortunately, this turkey doesn’t realize why he’s popular. I mean does he even know those are menus? Also, why is he in a top hat smoking a cigarette?

6. This turkey wishes you a joyful Thanksgiving.

Yes, the turkey is a Thanksgiving mascot. But you know why? Because we eat them. Kind of disturbing if you think about it.

Yes, the turkey is a Thanksgiving mascot. But you know why? Because we eat them. Kind of disturbing if you think about it. Still, it’s probably “final hours” in this turkey’s case.

7. Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” than turkeys discussing the contradictions of human nature.

Didn't know how perceptive and insightful turkeys can be in their observations. Too bad it's not going to save one of them from being decapitated.

Didn’t know how perceptive and insightful turkeys can be in their observations. Too bad it’s not going to save one of them from being decapitated.

8. Don’t worry, this turkey is just going for a “change of climate.”

Kind of reminds me what you tell children who are upset about eating a dead animal. Yeah,

Kind of reminds me what you tell children who are upset about eating a dead animal. Yeah, “change of climate” indeed.

9. Best wishes for a happy Thanksgiving and one last look at yourself, Mr. T.

Guess a turkey needs to look his best before he goes on the chopping block. Still, the girl should know not to be that close to a turkey.

Guess a turkey needs to look his best before he goes on the chopping block. Still, the girl should know not to be that close to a turkey.

10. Nothing says “Thanksgiving Greetings” than a turkey attacking an ax-wielding Pilgrim child in self defense.

“You gonna’ cut my head off, pluck off my feathers, and stuff me, are you? Not if I can help it, murderers.”

11. On Thanksgiving, a turkey should always be dressed in his best.

Yeah, but dressing in most turkeys' case usually doesn't apply to formal attire. Also, why the hell is he wearing pants?

Yeah, but dressing in most turkeys’ case usually doesn’t apply to formal attire. Also, why the hell is he wearing pants?

12. May we wish you some Thanksgiving joys.

From Buzzfeed:

From Buzzfeed: “Here is a child wielding an impossibly large knife that his parents think is OK for their kid to use.” Now that’s bound to scare any parent or the turkey under him.

13. Abnormally large turkey wishes you a merry Thanksgiving.

Yes, if you saw a turkey as big as you, you'd be scared, too. And you'd be even more freaked out if it's talking to you.

Yes, if you saw a turkey as big as you, you’d be scared, too. And you’d be even more freaked out if it’s talking to you.

14. Happy Thanksgiving from the kids who are riding the turkey and waving the American flag.

From Buzzfeed:

From Buzzfeed: “Children! No! Clearly, the parents of all the kids in these cards are off drinking mead and playing grown-up leapfrog.”

15. Happy Thanksgiving and by the way, try some corn, Gobblers, and don’t look behind the pumpkin.

Man, that kid with the ax is freaking me out. I'm sure he's killing the turkey because he's the only one in his family with the potential of most likely becoming a serial killer.

Man, that kid with the ax is freaking me out. I’m sure he’s killing the turkey because he’s the only one in his family with the potential of most likely becoming a serial killer.

16. “Oh, yes! I’m starred on the bill all right!”

Must be hard to be a high class city turkey on Thanksgiving. Always have to be reminded on how people spend this day eating your fellow turkey brethern.

Must be hard to be a high class city turkey on Thanksgiving. Always have to be reminded on how people spend this day eating your fellow turkey brethren.

17. Nothing makes a turkey pull the wagon better than a large knife and tongs.

It's supposed to provide motivation for what will happen to the turkey if he doesn't do its job properly. Still, those large utensils are freaking me out.

It’s supposed to provide motivation for what will happen to the turkey if he doesn’t do its job properly. Still, those large utensils are freaking me out.

18. Nothing says Thanksgiving on a turkey trying to avoid his own mentality by defending his inalienable rights.

From Buzzfeed:

From Buzzfeed: “What this turkey is trying to say probably won’t have much effect on the outcome of his future.” Yeah, I’m sure the kid’s going to decapitate you no matter what you say.

19. Happy Thanksgiving from the turkey who’s freaking out a child.

Now I don't know about you, but I'm more freaked out by the child in this. I mean the child is just terrifying for some reason.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m more freaked out by the child in this. I mean the kid is just so terrifying for some reason.

20. Happy Thanksgiving from the kid in the turkey costume.

Now I know people might've thought it was cute. But to me, it's terrifying. Quick, can someone give me a picture of Paul Simon from that old Thanksgiving episode of SNL?

Now I know people might’ve thought it was cute. But to me, it’s terrifying. Quick, can someone give me a picture of Paul Simon from that old Thanksgiving episode of SNL?

21. Happy Thanksgiving from the turkey running from the creepy kid.

Yes, I know this is supposed to look cute. But that little kid is beyond terrifying. Seriously, I want that turkey to run for his life with that thing behind him.

Yes, I know this is supposed to look cute. But that little kid is beyond terrifying. Seriously, I want that turkey to run for his life with that thing behind him.

22. For Thanksgiving night, don’t be surprised if the turkey you ate came to your bedside beyond the grave.

Oh, yes, Gobbles would like to wish you a happy Thanksgiving by haunting your dreams. Sleep tight, suckers.

Oh, yes, Gobbles would like to wish you a happy Thanksgiving by haunting your dreams. Sleep tight, suckers.

23. Uncle Sam wishes you Happy Thanksgiving greetings.

Because he is eating his Thanksgiving dinner all alone at a restaurant and desperately seeks company. So he's eating a burnt turkey with a side of cranberries and a bottle of wine to numb his lonely feelings.

Because he is eating his Thanksgiving dinner all alone at a restaurant and desperately seeks company. So he’s eating a burnt turkey with a side of cranberries and a bottle of wine to numb his lonely feelings.

24. “May glad Thanksgivings crown your days and years.”

Yeah, nothing says

Yeah, nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” than a card with a turkey in a wooden crate about to be slaughtered. Seriously, why?

25. Nothing says Thanksgiving than a kid carrying a turkey dinner on a tray.

Now that might look adorable. However, there's a very strong chance she's going to trip if she continues her foot like that.

Now that might look adorable. However, there’s a very strong chance she’s going to trip if she continues skipping to her destination like that.

26. “Here’s to a rough and ready Thanksgiving!”

Didn't know they carved turkeys at the kids' table. Don't you think that's a bit of a safety hazard? Seriously, you don't let kids do that.

Didn’t know they carved turkeys at the kids’ table. Don’t you think that’s a bit of a safety hazard? Seriously, you don’t let kids do that.

27. Thanksgiving greetings to all the turkeys who were smart to remain skinny.

Now come on, a Thanksgiving card with turkeys watching two of their friends get it? Seriously, that's just fucked up.

Now come on, a Thanksgiving card with turkeys watching two of their friends get it? Seriously, that’s just fucked up.

28. “Thanks to him who spared my living, For I’m a victim of Thanksgiving.”

Okay, those kids are clearly carrying a dead turkey. Seriously, how do I explain such images to young children?

Okay, those kids are clearly carrying a dead turkey. Seriously, how do I explain such images to young children?

29. “Smile for the camera, Gibblets.”

Yeah, just one more picture before the turkey gets put on the chopping block for Thanksgiving dinner. Isn't that nice.

Yeah, just one more picture before the turkey gets put on the chopping block for Thanksgiving dinner. Isn’t that nice.

30. Have a glad Thanksgiving courtesy of William Bradford from 1621.

And there's a Pilgrim shooting a turkey with a blunderbuss. Well, I guess it could be worse. Could be an Indian on that end. Oh, shit.

And there’s a Pilgrim shooting a turkey with a blunderbuss. Well, I guess it could be worse. Could be an Indian on that end. Oh, shit.

31. May I wish you sincere Thanksgiving greetings.

Okay, the dead turkey is disturbing enough. Also, that woman doesn't look like an Indian. She looks more like a white woman in black braids wearing an Indian costume.

Okay, the dead turkey is disturbing enough. Also, that woman doesn’t look like an Indian. She looks more like a white woman in black braids wearing an Indian costume.

32. While turkeys are often killed for Thanksgiving dinner, some go on the warpath.

Kid: "Help! Help! The turkey's attacking me!" Turkey: "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Kid: “Help! Help! The turkey’s attacking me!”
Turkey: “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

33. Happy Thanksgiving from one young turkey rider to another.

Now that turkey has to be huge for that kid to ride on it. Of course, I know what he'll end up when he's old and gray.

Now that turkey has to be huge for that kid to ride on it. Of course, I know what he’ll end up when he’s old and gray.

34. “May yours be a Happy Thanksgiving.”

Let's just say if a dog was hungry, then it made a huge mistake going after a live turkey. Seriously, turkeys aren't as dumb and docile as they're depicted.

Let’s just say if a dog was hungry, then it made a huge mistake going after a live turkey. Seriously, turkeys aren’t as dumb and docile as they’re depicted.

35. May you have a peaceful Thanksgiving.

Apparently, the turkey didn't have a peaceful end as far as I can see. And I sure wouldn't call it peaceful on what's going to happen to his body next.

Apparently, the turkey didn’t have a peaceful end as far as I can see. And I sure wouldn’t call it peaceful on what’s going to happen to his body next.

36. May you have a festive Thanksgiving this year.

Is it just me or does anyone think the pumpkin pie had too much wine? Also, why is almost everything in this picture have such freaky faces?

Is it just me or does anyone think the pumpkin pie had too much wine? Also, why is almost everything in this picture have such freaky faces?

37. Happy Thanksgiving from a turkey that’s clearly going to die soon.

Now this is just messed up. Seriously, why stick a knife and pronged fork into a living turkey? That's just sick.

Now this is just messed up. Seriously, why stick a knife and pronged fork into a living turkey? That’s just sick.

38. Have a joyful Thanksgiving to you from a scary veggie man.

Now this guy looks like he could scare more crows than a scarecrow. Also, what's with the turkey feather headdress? Okay, I don't want to know.

Now this guy looks like he could scare more crows than a scarecrow. Also, what’s with the turkey feather headdress? Okay, I don’t want to know.

39. “May you catch him in time for dinner.”

I'm sure the turkey is running for his dear life right now. Still, this woman should be happy it's domestic. But her knife is real scary.

I’m sure the turkey is running for his dear life right now. Still, this woman should be happy it’s domestic. But her knife is real scary.

40. “I killed this one all by myself.”

I think I'd rather stay away from this kid. Seems like he's a future psychokiller in the making. And it's said they always seem to start with animals.

I think I’d rather stay away from this kid. Seems like he’s a future psychokiller in the making. And it’s said they always seem to start with animals.

41. “Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving.”

I don't know about you. But there's something really wrong with that girl. She looks like she's plotting something like killing somebody in their sleep.

I don’t know about you. But there’s something really wrong with that girl. She looks like she’s plotting something like killing somebody in their sleep.

42. Thanksgiving greetings from the jerky turkey standing over the kid.

Kid: "Let me go! Let me go!" Turkey: "Fat chance, boy. Either your dad spares my life or you're history."

Kid: “Let me go! Let me go!”
Turkey: “Fat chance, boy. Either your dad spares my life or you’re history.”

43. We wish you a hearty Thanksgiving greetings.

Now how that terrifying kid's looking at that turkey just gives me the creeps. I don't know but it doesn't look good.

Now how that terrifying kid’s looking at that turkey just gives me the creeps. I don’t know but it doesn’t look good.

44. Happy Thanksgiving and may your turkey not go to the dogs.

Seems like this turkey dinner is gone to the dogs. Reminds me of that scene in A Christmas Story. Boy, those kids' parents are going to be so mad when they see this.

Seems like this turkey dinner is gone to the dogs. Reminds me of that scene in A Christmas Story. Boy, those kids’ parents are going to be so mad when they see this.

45. Happy Thanksgiving greetings from up above.

"Shit, now they're doing aerial hunting. Really hate what this world's coming to."

“Shit, now they’re doing aerial hunting. Really hate what this world’s coming to.”

46. Looks like Tom Gobblers is going on a vacation this time.

Or may I say, he's going into hiding until Thanksgiving blows over. Why wait for a pardon? Just get out an dodge.

Or may I say, he’s going into hiding until Thanksgiving blows over. Why wait for a pardon? Just get out an dodge.

47. Happy Thanksgiving greetings, now say your prayers, turkey.

Sure the turkey might take down that kid in a heartbeat. But that terrifying nightmare tot has an ax to swing. Yeah, this turkey's minutes are numbered.

Sure the turkey might take down that kid in a heartbeat. But that terrifying nightmare tot has an ax to swing. Yeah, this turkey’s minutes are numbered.

48. Happy Thanksgiving greetings, from all of us at the kids’ table.

Okay, now those soulless kids are certainly to tear that turkey to shreds and bring it a most painful death. Also, is that wine? Don't think kids should be drinking that.

Okay, now those soulless kids are certainly to tear that turkey to shreds and bring it a most painful death. Also, is that wine? Don’t think kids should be drinking that.

49. Thanksgiving greetings from all the turkeys in your neck of the woods.

Okay, now this has a turkey pulling a hansom cab, driven by another turkey and transporting another turkey. Does anyone see anything freaky about this?

Okay, now this has a turkey pulling a hansom cab, driven by another turkey and transporting another turkey. Does anyone see anything freaky about this?

50. “Good wishes for this Thanksgiving Day.”

I don't know about you. But I sure as hell wouldn't trust this little girl with a knife if I were you. Seems like she's planning to kill somebody with it.

I don’t know about you. But I sure as hell wouldn’t trust this little girl with a knife if I were you. Seems like she’s planning to kill somebody with it.

The Wonderful World of Thanksgiving Cakes

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As with most holidays, cakes seem to have a special place. And Thanksgiving is no exception. Of course, the motifs are turkey, Pilgrims, Indians, pumpkins, cornucopia, and fall. Of course, you’ve probably seen some of them in my previous post on Thanksgiving treats. Still, I could go on and on about the nice lovely turkey day cakes I’ve seen. However, all that would make you unwilling to view such post. So instead, I’ll show you some other cakes that you might not want around at your family home on Thanksgiving. Whether it’s poor depictions of turkeys or something you don’t want your kids to see, sometimes mistakes are made. So without further adieu, here are some of the cakes featuring Thanksgiving blunders.

1. I’m sorry about your cornfield being hit by that tornado.

Wait a minute, this is a cornucopia? Still, at least we can be thankful for not having to see those giant corny death rays.

Wait a minute, this is a cornucopia? Still, at least we can be thankful for not having to see those giant corny death rays.

2. Looks like that Pilgrim Father’s wearing a hat that seems 3 sizes too small.

Are you sure this isn't a cake meant to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day? Just saying.

Are you sure this isn’t a cake meant to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day? Just saying. Then again, he may just have been covering a receding hairline.

3. This cake is a representation of what happens if you give a Butterball Turkey to a vegetarian.

That's right. Give a turkey to a vegetarian and it will sit in the fridge for days until it gathers mildew and starts to smell.

That’s right. Give a turkey to a vegetarian and it will sit in the fridge for days until it gathers mildew and starts to smell terribly.

4. As we all say, “In one end and out the other.”

Yet, as far as this cake decorator was concerned, I wonder if he or she was sure which end was which. I mean the head seems to be iced on the wrong end.

Yet, as far as this cake decorator was concerned, I wonder if he or she was sure which end was which. I mean the head seems to be iced on the wrong end.

5. This bird’s on fire, it’s rolling down the road…..

Basically this is what happens to a turkey if you think cooking one for Thanksgiving is setting one on fire while alive.

Basically this is what happens to a turkey if you think cooking one for Thanksgiving is setting one on fire while alive.

6. While some say “Happy Thanksgiving,” others take a bit of artistic license.

From Cakewrecks: "And lo, they laid the baby glow worm in a manger, and saideth, 'Thanks AND Giving' Lo. Cometh hath. And sucheth."

From Cakewrecks: “And lo, they laid the baby glow worm in a manger, and saideth, ‘Thanks AND Giving’ Lo. Cometh hath. And sucheth.”

7. As he awaited his torment in the infernal regions of Hell, Tom the Turkey stood there wondering what he had ever done to deserve such wretched fate.

Then again, he's probably roasting in some oven or something. Perhaps awaiting to meet his death through heat exhaustion.

Then again, he’s probably roasting in some oven or something. Perhaps awaiting to meet his death through heat exhaustion.

8. Now this turkey seems to be a little too well done here.

Of course, even though this turkey cake looks burnt, it's probably better to eat than the real thing.

Of course, even though this turkey cake looks burnt, it’s probably better to eat than the real thing.

9. Now I’ve never seen quite a turkey with elaborate tail feathers on its head.

Of course, this turkey seems to have a very colorful personality and possibly too much of the brown acid at Woodstock.

Of course, this turkey seems to have a very colorful personality and possibly too much of the brown acid at Woodstock.

10. Sure turkeys are big, but they’re utterly helpless when surrounded by mice.

For God's sake, this turkey's feathers seem to resemble punk spikes. Also, what's with the creepy mice?

For God’s sake, this turkey’s feathers seem to resemble punk spikes. Also, what’s with the creepy mice?

11. Even when gutted, plucked, stuffed, and baked, this turkey seems to be surprisingly good at yoga.

Of course, I'm quite sure that turkeys certainly don't have their legs stretched out like that. Still, doesn't look right for some reason.

Of course, I’m quite sure that turkeys certainly don’t have their legs stretched out like that. Still, doesn’t look right for some reason.

12. Nothing says Thanksgiving than having a turkey being surrounded by tiny phalluses and turd flames.

Of course, this doesn't look like a turkey in as much as it resembles some weird angry bird's head about to explode.

Of course, this doesn’t look like a turkey in as much as it resembles some weird angry bird’s head about to explode.

13. Now this bird seems to be a little rambunctious.

Either this turkey is just overexcited over something, in panic mode, or just plain high on some LSD.

Either this turkey is just overexcited over something, in panic mode, or just plain high on some LSD.

14. Perhaps this turkey is pining for the fjords.

"'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This turkey is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e      rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the      bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-TURKEY!!"

“‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This turkey is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e
rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-TURKEY!!”

15. A rolling pumpkin gathers no vines.

Whereas this pumpkin cake seems to have a stem at the top of it that resembles a turd. Perhaps some creature just took a dump on it.

Whereas this pumpkin cake seems to have a stem at the top of it that resembles a turd. Perhaps some creature just took a dump on it.

16. Oh great, I always wanted to have a Thanksgiving barbecued turkey dinner.

Of course, it doesn't really look a real turkey. Barbecued or otherwise. Still, are those real raw potatoes? Now that's strange.

Of course, it doesn’t really look a real turkey. Barbecued or otherwise. Still, are those real raw potatoes? Now that’s strange.

17. Thanksgiving turkey or just a walking mutant turkey headed gingerbread man in a burning wheat field?

Seems like this cake decorator seems a bit too taken in with all this Christmas commercialism these days.

Seems like this cake decorator seems a bit too taken in with all this Christmas commercialism these days.

18. This turkey seems to be incredibly stuff.

This is why you should always chew with your mouth closed. Also, a lesson that you shouldn't confuse your TP with your TNT.

This is why you should always chew with your mouth closed. Also, a lesson that you shouldn’t confuse your TP with your TNT.

19. Now this turkey seems to have a very huge ass crack.

Is it just me or does anyone else think this turkey is mooning us?

Is it just me or does anyone else think this turkey is mooning us? Seriously, I think this bird should be arrested for indecent exposure.

20. May we wish you a “Happy Gooble Gooble Day.”

Seriously, how can one person managed to mispell "gobble" for God's sake?  It's not a hard word to spell. Even a kid could manage it.

Seriously, how can one person managed to mispell “gobble” for God’s sake? It’s not a hard word to spell. Even a kid could manage it.

21. Before The Nightmare Before Christmas there was The Nightmare Before Thanksgiving.

Of  course, The Nightmare Before Thanksgiving didn't do too well at the box office got terrible reviews. Besides, it managed to anger many in the Native American community that it was pulled from release.

Of course, The Nightmare Before Thanksgiving didn’t do too well at the box office got terrible reviews. Besides, it managed to anger many in the Native American community that it was pulled from release.

22. Happy Thanksgiving from a black Ken doll in a speedo on a bear rug?

I'm sure this turkey day Burt Reynolds' centerfold imitation is sure going to go real well with the parents of small children. Not.

I’m sure this turkey day Burt Reynolds’ centerfold imitation is sure going to go real well with the parents of small children. Not.

23. Happy Thanksgiving, from the Naughty Gingerbread Man.

Seems like Gingy got arrested of indecent exposure. Still, perhaps the baker seems to have gotten too caught up with Christmas.

Seems like Gingy got arrested of indecent exposure. Still, perhaps the baker seems to have gotten too caught up with Christmas.

24. Now you leave the turkey in the oven until it turns golden brown,

Jesus Christ, turkey is people! This is one of the most disturbing turkeys I've ever seen.

Jesus Christ, turkey is people! This is one of the most disturbing turkeys I’ve ever seen. Still, why does cake even exist?

25. So this is Foghorn Leghorn’s brother from Colorado.

Sure while Foghorn Leghorn is a southern gentlemen, Highorn Leghorn relocated to the Haight Ashbury of San Francisco and got a little too into the drug scene and Rastafarianism.

Sure while Foghorn Leghorn is a southern gentlemen, Highorn Leghorn relocated to the Haight Ashbury of San Francisco and got a little too into the drug scene and Rastafarianism.

26. This turkey is literally on fire.

Then again, its drumsticks seem to have an appearance of a couple of burning cigarettes. And what's with the smiley face?

Then again, its drumsticks seem to have an appearance of a couple of burning cigarettes. And what’s with the smiley face?

28. Nothing like a turkey than one as a black and white cartoon character.

Now that's just so utterly terrifying. Also, I wonder if that turkey is about to do something terrible.

Now that’s just so utterly terrifying. Also, I wonder if that turkey is about to do something terrible. I’d keep my eye on him, if I were you.

29. Eat this turkey, I dare you.

I'm sure that they cut off the turkey's head before they put it in the oven. Actually decapitation is the first thing they do with a turkey.

I’m sure that they cut off the turkey’s head before they put it in the oven. Actually decapitation is the first thing they do with a turkey.

30. Now this is one bright and colorful turkey.

Seems more like a cross between one of those fold up party decorations and a turd to me. Also, seems to be made from a wedding cake sideways.

Seems more like a cross between one of those fold up party decorations and a turd to me. Also, seems to be made from a wedding cake sideways.

31. I wouldn’t worry since this turkey is just about half as good as it looks.

Then again, if it's half as good as it looks, then it must really taste like shit.

Then again, if it’s half as good as it looks, then it must really taste like shit. Also, it kind of seems real dry and can use some gravy.

32. Now this is a nice turkey cake for the kids.

Wait a minute, that turkey's head looks like a sex toy for some reason? That or some abnormally shaped phallus.

Wait a minute, does that turkey’s head looks like a sex toy for some reason? That or some abnormally shaped phallus.

33. I’ll take a-drumstick?

Wait a minute, are those drumsticks or spray painted poo made to look like drumsticks?

Wait a minute, are those drumsticks or spray painted poo made to look like drumsticks? Seriously, why?

34. Finally, a decent looking Thanksgiving turkey cake.

Hey, what's with the Frosty the Snowman hat and scarf? Don't tell me they're trying to sneak Christmas upon us!

Hey, what’s with the Frosty the Snowman hat and scarf? Don’t tell me they’re trying to sneak Christmas upon us!

35. Now that is one huge turkey in this one.

Seems like this turkey doesn't seem too happy here, to be dessert. Still, a bit too realistic if you know what I mean.

Seems like this turkey doesn’t seem too happy here, to be dessert. Still, a bit too realistic if you know what I mean.

36. How about the cake that combines Thanksgiving and football?

Wait, is that a turkey or a football with drumsticks? Seriously, this might not have been a good idea.

Wait, is that a turkey or a football with drumsticks? Seriously, this might not have been a good idea.

37. Things seem to be getting wacky at NBC and not in a good way.

Seems like NBC wants to get in the Thanksgiving spirit by replacing their peacock with a turkey. Doesn't seem to take since the turkey might be tripping on something.

Seems like NBC wants to get in the Thanksgiving spirit by replacing their peacock with a turkey. Doesn’t seem to take since the turkey might be tripping on something.

38. Now here’s a great Thanksgiving cake straight from Jurassic Park.

This is not a turkey. It may be a velociraptor, Sesame Street puppet, or some kind of cartoon exotic bird. But it is not a turkey.

This is not a turkey. It may be a velociraptor, Sesame Street puppet, or some kind of cartoon exotic bird. But it is not a turkey.

39. Now this turkey can’t seem to get enough of the fireworks.

Because he seems to be bombarded by them all the time. Also, I didn't know turkeys can fly. Wait a minute, domestic ones can't while wild ones, not too well.

Because he seems to be bombarded by them all the time. Also, I didn’t know turkeys can fly. Wait a minute, domestic ones can’t while wild ones, not too well.

40. I’ll some turkey breast meat, thank you very much.

Actually, that's not what I had in mind. Besides, what farmers putting into their turkeys these days which causes them to grow mammaries? It's unnatural!

Actually, that’s not what I had in mind. Besides, what farmers putting into their turkeys these days which causes them to grow mammaries? It’s unnatural!

Gobble Up These Thanksgiving Treats

kid-friendly-thanksgiving-table-treats-how-does-she3

I have to admit, while Halloween and Christmas posts for my blog are relatively easy to come up with, good Thanksgiving posts are rather hard to come up with. For one, it’s not a very fun holiday. Halloween pertains to costumes, scary stuff, parties, trick or treating, and what not. Christmas revolves around parties, presents, shopping, Santa, trees, wreaths, lights, pastries, nativity scenes and so many other fun stuff. Thanksgiving on the other hand, just focuses on a turkey dinner with one’s family as well as Pilgrims and Indians. Second, well, despite the first Thanksgiving being a celebration of thanks and friendship between pilgrims and Indians, we know how that turned out in the end (not good). Third, while Halloween and Christmas have great outlandish decorations and treats I could make fun of, I couldn’t say the same about Thanksgiving. And finally, let’s just say I usually get most of my ideas for Christmas posts during this time and can’t really apply them on my blog until Black Friday. Thus, I have to go with certain ideas as they come by. Considering that I did a post on Halloween treats back in October which met with great success, I decided to do a similar one on Thanksgiving treats in a similar fashion. However, while Halloween treats pertained to food directed to almost anybody, many of the following for Thanksgiving tended to be treat ideas catered for parents and teachers. In other words, these are treats people mostly make for kids. Since I’m the oldest of 24 grandchildren on my mother’s side, this wouldn’t be a problem in my family. Yet, it doesn’t meet the kind of amusement the Halloween ones do. Then again, they’re not as gross. So without further adieu, here is an assortment of Thanksgiving treats for your viewing pleasure.

1. As a breakfast, you can’t go wrong with a healthy fruit cornucopia.

Basically this consists of green grapes, strawberries, candy corn, and a waffle to wrap it all in.

Basically this consists of green grapes, strawberries, candy corn, and a waffle to wrap it all in.

2. As a dessert, why not make it just like your dinner with this Thanksgiving dinner cake?

I don't know about you but I can barely tell the difference between this and the real thing.

I don’t know about you but I can barely tell the difference between this and the real thing.

3. Nothing says Thanksgiving than a cornucopia from the cones.

I'm sure that's all lined with chocolate and filled with popcorn, pretzels, and jelly beans. More of a classroom treat than anything.

I’m sure that’s all lined with chocolate and filled with popcorn, pretzels, and jelly beans. More of a classroom treat than anything.

4. Happy Thanksgiving from the graham cracker table.

Man, it's amazing what you can do with toppings. Almost looks like a Thanksgiving dinner for a dollhouse or something. Yet, you have almond turkey, icing mashed potatoes, and sprinkle green beans.

Man, it’s amazing what you can do with toppings. Almost looks like a Thanksgiving dinner for a dollhouse or something. Yet, you have almond turkey, icing mashed potatoes, and sprinkle green beans.

5. And to go with your graham cracker table, here’s a chocolate waffle cookie pumpkin wagon with candy wheels.

Of course, you can only get waffle cookies from a store and they taste rather disgustingly sweet.

Of course, you can only get waffle cookies from a store and they taste rather disgustingly sweet. Still, I’m sure kids would love this.

6. If you want to save space, here’s a nice little Thanksgiving cupcake dinner.

Now here we have three drumsticks, some peas and carrots, as well as mashed potatoes and gravy. Yet, with a side of a traditional chocolate cupcake with sprinkles.

Now here we have three drumsticks, some peas and carrots, as well as mashed potatoes and gravy. Yet, with a side of a traditional chocolate cupcake with sprinkles.

7. Why don’t you try some of these bite sized turkeys out for size?

These turkeys must be cupcakes. Yet, they seem so convincing that you'd think scientists used genetic engineering to create a flock of very tiny turkeys running around.

These turkeys must be cupcakes. Yet, they seem so convincing that you’d think scientists used genetic engineering to create a flock of very tiny turkeys running around.

8. Chow down to some cupcake corn on the cob.

Of course, real corn on the cob is out of season being November and all. Still, those corn kernels are jelly beans.

Of course, real corn on the cob is out of season being November and all. Still, those corn kernels are jelly beans.

9. For those wishing you had brains, here’s are some scarecrow cupcakes.

I actually did a post on scarecrows in September. Yet, these look way too friendly to be Halloween treats if you know what I mean. Yet, I'm not sure they're scarecrows, kid show characters, or aliens.

I actually did a post on scarecrows in September. Yet, these look way too friendly to be Halloween treats if you know what I mean. Yet, I’m not sure they’re scarecrows, kid show characters, or aliens.

10. For those wanting to use that leftover Halloween candy corn, perhaps you can make Oreo and Rice Crispy turkeys.

Of course, as it goes with real turkeys, there's a chance your kids might not find the feathers or head edible. If so, then perhaps tasty.

Of course, as it goes with real turkeys, there’s a chance your kids might not find the feathers or head edible. If so, then perhaps tasty.

11. For vegetarians, here’s a nice veggie turkey platter without the tofu.

Now this is one colorful veggie bird as I've ever saw one. Wait a minute, is that lettuce any good? Also, isn't asparagus supposed to be out of season by now?

Now this is one colorful veggie bird as I’ve ever saw one. Wait a minute, is that lettuce any good? Also, isn’t asparagus supposed to be out of season by now?

12. For those who don’t want to do the oreo turkeys I’m sure the cupcake ones will do much nicely.

Now I'm sure the kids might want to pluck off the feathers before eating these. As with the head, I'm not so sure.

Now I’m sure the kids might want to pluck off the feathers before eating these. As with the head, I’m not so sure.

13. For a more healthy snack, here’s some pretzel pear drumsticks.

Of course, the turkey part is pear and the bone part is pretzel. Still, you might need a knife to shove the pretzel in.

Of course, the turkey part is pear and the bone part is pretzel. Still, you might need a knife to shove the pretzel in.

14. For pilgrim hats, you might want to go with chocolate striped cookies, marshmallows, and chocolate.

Of course, these hats are what you'd see on Pilgrim men. Let's just say the women's pilgrim hat treats would be too complicated to make.

Of course, these hats are what you’d see on Pilgrim men. Let’s just say the women’s pilgrim hat treats would be too complicated to make.

15. For more edible turkeys, here are cupcakes with M&M feathers.

Now these sugary turkeys are cute enough to eat. Still, by how they're photographed, they sure don't seem friendly to me.

Now these sugary turkeys are cute enough to eat. Still, by how they’re photographed, they sure don’t seem friendly to me.

16. To cover your pumpkin pie, why don’t you just put a turkey on it?

Of course, this person made a turkey by just tracing his or her hand and adding legs. Just like kids do with Thanksgiving craft projects in elementary school.

Of course, this person made a turkey by just tracing his or her hand and adding legs. Just like kids do with Thanksgiving craft projects in elementary school.

17. Now this turkey is getting quite fruity.

Of course this turkey is made from cheese, pear, strawberries, bananas, and grapes. And it's walking on waffle pretzels.

Of course this turkey is made from cheese, pear, strawberries, bananas, and grapes. And it’s walking on waffle pretzels.

18. Nothing can certainly go wrong with making pretzel turkeys.

Man, there are sure a lot of things you can do after dipping stick pretzels in chocolate is there? Also remove feathers before eating.

Man, there are sure a lot of things you can do after dipping stick pretzels in chocolate is there? Also remove feathers before eating.

19. If you don’t like marshmallows, here are some Pilgrim hats from Reese’s cups.

Of course, you'll use the same kind of cookies as the Pilgrim hats with the marshmallows though.

Of course, you’ll use the same kind of cookies as the Pilgrim hats with the marshmallows though.

20. If you like wooden ships, you might want to use paper and toothpicks for blood orange slices.

For some reason, I feel that this treat might be more appropriate for Columbus Day than Thanksgiving. I mean the Pilgrims only traveled on the Mayflower while Columbus sailed on the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria.

For some reason, I feel that this treat might be more appropriate for Columbus Day than Thanksgiving. I mean the Pilgrims only traveled on the Mayflower while Columbus sailed on the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria.

21. Say hello to Larry the turkey.

Of course, being made from two cupcakes means you'll have to take him apart before you eat him. I mean you can't eat cupcakes with the wrapper still on them.

Of course, being made from two cupcakes means you’ll have to take him apart before you eat him. I mean you can’t eat cupcakes with the wrapper still on them.

22. If you’re charged with the pumpkin pie but can’t afford the oven space, you might want to go with the bite size version.

Then again, these little pie crusts are made from mini waffles. So this might be a treat to make for those who can't be trusted with a knife.

Then again, these little pie crusts are made from mini waffles. So this might be a treat to make for those who can’t be trusted with a knife.

23. If you don’t like Rice Krispies, perhaps using chocolate would be fine for your Oreo turkeys.

Of course, you'd still have to use candy corn. Yet, at least it'll have a great chocolate taste.

Of course, you’d still have to use candy corn. Yet, at least it’ll have a great chocolate taste.

24. Oh, look, a Rice Crispy treat pumpkin patch.

Of course, it would've been better if we could make them into Jack o' Lanterns but it's too late for that.

Of course, it would’ve been better if we could make them into Jack o’ Lanterns but it’s too late for that.

25. If you like Indians, perhaps you might want to make teepees from waffle cones.

Then again, this treat might be more suited for a Wild West occasion or some event in the Midwest because the first Thanksgiving took place in Massachusetts. Plains Indians lived in teepees and Eastern Woodland Indians don't. But of course, it would've been more difficult to make treats of wigwams and longhouses.

Then again, this treat might be more suited for a Wild West occasion or some event in the Midwest because the first Thanksgiving took place in Massachusetts. Plains Indians lived in teepees and Eastern Woodland Indians don’t. But of course, it would’ve been more difficult to make treats of wigwams and longhouses.

26. This fruit turkey is sure putting on a colorful display.

Almost reminds me of the NBC peacock and one of those edible arrangement displays. Still, I'm sure turkeys aren't that elaborate.

Almost reminds me of the NBC peacock and one of those edible arrangement displays. Still, I’m sure turkeys aren’t that elaborate.

27. Now how would you like to gobble up this cake topper?

Of course, I know the cake is edible though I almost thought this was a craft project at first.

Of course, I know the cake is edible though I almost thought this was a craft project at first. Then again, maybe the turkey isn’t edible anyway.

28. Of course, it might be nice to have cookies resembling Thanksgiving dinner.

Still, I'm not sure if the veggie portion seems big enough. Not to mention, even at Thanksgiving dinner, it's very unlikely that two plates will contain a drumstick. This is especially true if a family's eating off of one turkey.

Still, I’m not sure if the veggie portion seems big enough. Not to mention, even at Thanksgiving dinner, it’s very unlikely that two plates will contain a drumstick. This is especially true if a family’s eating off of one turkey.

29. If you like cinnamon, you might want to put cinnamon sticks in a turkey cupcake.

Then again, I'm not quite sure if those are cinnamon sticks. Yet, I do like the peanut butter cup head though.

Then again, I’m not quite sure if those are cinnamon sticks. Yet, I do like the peanut butter cup head though.

30. May I present to you, turkey cookie on a stick.

Of course, this is made from white Oreos and peanut butter cookies. Still, I'm sure kids will love it.

Of course, this is made from white Oreos and peanut butter cookies. Still, I’m sure kids will love it.

31. Didn’t realize that turkey feathers were made from almonds.

This turkey is probably made from bread and cheese as far as I know. Still, he's sure strutting isn't he?

This turkey is probably made from bread and cheese as far as I know. Still, he’s sure strutting isn’t he?

32. Get in the fall spirit with these chocolate acorns.

With peanut butter cookies, Hershey's Kisses, and chocolate chips, I'm sure kids will go nuts over these bite size acorns.

With peanut butter cookies, Hershey’s Kisses, and chocolate chips, I’m sure kids will go nuts over these bite size acorns.

33. Get in the Thanksgiving spirit with an ear of Indian cupcake corn.

Of course, it's like making the cupcake corn on the cob, but at least you can use more colored jelly beans as kernels.

Of course, it’s like making the cupcake corn on the cob, but at least you can use more colored jelly beans as kernels.

34. Now here’s a nice fresh corn on the cob.

Man, who knew that green fruit roll up, baked goods, icing, and Reese's Pieces could achieve this?

Man, who knew that green fruit roll up, baked goods, icing, and Reese’s Pieces could achieve this?

35. I now give you a pepper turkey.

Of course, since peppers are known to be spicy, you might not want to gobble this bird too fast.

Of course, since peppers are known to be spicy, you might not want to gobble this bird too fast.

36. Have kids learn about the Pilgrims with these Mayflower donuts.

Once again, I don't think wooden ship treats are as appropriate for Thanksgiving as they are for Columbus Day. Still, at least the masts are made from pretzels.

Once again, I don’t think wooden ship treats are as appropriate for Thanksgiving as they are for Columbus Day. Still, at least the masts are made from pretzels.

37. If you don’t like Oreos, you might like Reese’s cups and Rice Krispy treat turkeys on a stick.

Of course, I'm sure that the feathers are made from fruit roll up. Still, pretty cute if you know what I mean.

Of course, I’m sure that the feathers are made from fruit roll up. Still, pretty cute if you know what I mean.

38. For the colorful turkey muffin try one with apple slices.

Then again, muffins are technically cakes you eat for breakfast. Also, there's something unsettling about its grape head.

Then again, muffins are technically cakes you eat for breakfast. Also, there’s something unsettling about its grape head.

39. May I present to you a scrumptious turkey dinner on a cupcake.

Now that turkey cupcake is almost too real to be believed. Still, I wonder how people achieve that.

Now that turkey cupcake is almost too real to be believed. Still, I wonder how people achieve that.

40. Of course, this turkey is just a bag filled with corn you put in a microwave.

Now I'm sure that's a very appropriate thing to eat from during a Thanksgiving football game and other festivities.

Now I’m sure that’s a very appropriate thing to eat from during a Thanksgiving football game and other festivities.

41. Nothing says Thanksgiving like a turkey cake begging for mercy.

Sorry, Gobblekins, but Americans need to eat and turkey is the Thanksgiving entree. So no mercy for you, but please we're willing to hear last requests.

Sorry, Gobblekins, but Americans need to eat and turkey is the Thanksgiving entree. So no mercy for you, but please we’re willing to hear last requests.

42. Wow your guests this Thanksgiving with this turkey appetizer platter.

Now this sure guaranteed to cause heart disease if eaten in excess. Still, love to see a cheesy turkey.

Now this sure guaranteed to cause heart disease if eaten in excess. Still, love to see a cheesy turkey.

43. To make your food more appealing, how about a cornucopia bread.

Talk about edible decoration. Still, this is genius if you really think about it.

Talk about edible decoration. Still, this is genius if you really think about it.

44. Nothing makes better Thanksgiving treats than chocolate covered pumpkin pretzels.

Now these are adorable pumpkins. Can also be used for Halloween or fall in general.

Now these are adorable pumpkins. Can also be used for Halloween or fall in general.

45. Gobble till you wobble this Thanksgiving with these chocolate turkey pretzel sticks.

Now these have pretzel sticks attached to cookies and candy corn. Still, pretty clever if I say so myself.

Now these have pretzel sticks attached to cookies and candy corn. Still, pretty clever if I say so myself.

46. For your appetizers this Thanksgiving dinner, you can’t go wrong with this turkey cracker platter.

Yeah, there are a lot of turkey platters here in this post. Still, each offer a different assortment of food just the same.

Yeah, there are a lot of turkey platters here in this post. Still, each offer a different assortment of food just the same.

47. Make your Thanksgiving festive with this turkey veggie dish.

Yes, this is another turkey veggie platter. But I think this one is a little more subdued than the last one I've shown.

Yes, this is another turkey veggie platter. But I think this one is a little more subdued than the last one I’ve shown.

48. For your Thanksgiving lunch this turkey day, how about some turkey pizza?

Now this uses pepperoni instead of actual turkey meat. Still, looks like a turkey to me.

Now this uses pepperoni instead of actual turkey meat. Still, looks like a turkey to me.

49. If your dessert platter includes pumpkin pie, may I suggest some cookie pumpkin pie slices?

Yes, these are pumpkin pie slice cookies. Don't ask me how someone came up with this idea. Hope they don't taste like pumpkin spice lattes.

Yes, these are pumpkin pie slice cookies. Don’t ask me how someone came up with this idea. Hope they don’t taste like pumpkin spice lattes.

50. Make your Thanksgiving great wit these turkey cupcakes.

Just a bunch of cupcakes decorated with red, orange, and yellow icing. Still, quite cute.

Just a bunch of cupcakes decorated with red, orange, and yellow icing. Still, quite cute.

51. Nothing makes Thanksgiving better than Nutter Butter corn cookies.

Now this is called "Harvest Corn Nutter Butter." But I love how the corn kernels are Reese's Pieces.

Now this is called “Harvest Corn Nutter Butter.” But I love how the corn kernels are Reese’s Pieces.

52. Get in the autumn spirit with bread this Thanksgiving with these acorn and leaf buns.

Now it's said these were made with frozen bread dough. Of course, you can never have such bread things in my family.

Now it’s said these were made with frozen bread dough. Of course, you can never have such bread things in my family.

53. For the kiddie appetizers, why not go with some mini turkey cheese balls?

Now these have almonds, cheese, carrots, and Ritz crackers. Still, they're quite adorable but in an ugly way.

Now these have almonds, cheese, carrots, and Ritz crackers. Still, they’re quite adorable but in an ugly way.

54. Pumpkin pie cookies not enough for your Thanksgiving? Then try this cookie assortment.

Now these include a pumpkin pie slice, turkeys, and a male Pilgrim hat. Also, see some candy corn which is strange.

Now these include a pumpkin pie slice, turkeys, and a male Pilgrim hat. Also, see some candy corn which is strange.

55. For your Thanksgiving how about some apples dipped in a caramel turkey?

Now this sure looks like a turkey here. Not sure about the candy corn nose though.

Now this sure looks like a turkey here. Not sure about the candy corn nose though.

56. Nothing says Thanksgiving like a turkey cake pop.

Now this is adorable with the Pilgrim hat. Wonder what happened to the rest of him.

Now this is adorable with the Pilgrim hat. Wonder what happened to the rest of him.

57. Celebrate this Thanksgiving with these Pilgrim and Indian smores.

They might be friendly now. But wait until the white man gets land hungry after a few years.

They might be friendly now. But wait until the white man gets land hungry after a few years.

58. Nothing makes a Thanksgiving dessert platter like a chocolate cornucopia.

If you're having a Hunger Games party, perhaps you can stash it with some food and chocolate weapons. then again, doesn't really give the Thanksgiving spirit does it?

If you’re having a Hunger Games party, perhaps you can stash it with some food and chocolate weapons. then again, doesn’t really give the Thanksgiving spirit does it?

59. Nothing shows the joy of Thanksgiving like these Pilgrim cookies.

Seriously, why do these people have to make these puritanical colonialists so adorable? Makes you almost forget the colonial genocide on Native Americans does it?

Seriously, why do these people have to make these puritanical colonialists so adorable? Makes you almost forget the colonial genocide on Native Americans does it?

60. Say happy Thanksgiving this year with these turkey cookie cupcakes.

Now these have cookies for heads and wings as well as candy corn feathers. Still, such an adorable combination.

Now these have cookies for heads and wings as well as candy corn feathers. Still, such an adorable combination.

Vintage Thanksgiving Advertising in the Days of Old

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Now in case you don’t remember, Thanksgiving is a holiday that falls on the last Thursday of November between Halloween and Christmas. It’s the one in which was based off the large 1621 feast in present day Plymouth, Massachusetts between a group of English religious nuts in funny hats and buckled shoes and generous indigenous people who would later become victims of genocide. Still, you would know these groups as “Pilgrims” and “Indians” but if you want to know some of the details from the first Thanksgiving story, you might as well go to my movie history post on Colonial America (it’s the one with Daniel Day Lewis from Arthur Miller’s The Crucible). Anyway, kids make paper costumes and dress like them when they aren’t doing tracing their hands to make turkeys. Of course, it’s been a national holiday since the 1860s though, which might’ve been promoted by an editor of a ladies’ magazine. Anyway, this a time when American families all over the country gather together to give thanks and enjoy a meal consisting of turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and perhaps a lot of things that aren’t really good for you. On the TV lineup, you have the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade special in the morning followed by The Purina National Dog Show hosted by John O’Hurley. Both programs are on NBC and in my house. The afternoon is mostly followed with football and an evening with either Thanksgiving programming or Christmas specials. As for me, my nuclear family just invites my grandparents and possibly out of state relatives for steak and shrimp since my mom’s one of eight kids who are mostly seeing their in-laws. Then we have Thanksgiving dinner on the day after, though I’m not sure if I’m going to make it this year since it would Black Friday and I accepted a retail job for the holiday season.

Now when we think of vintage ads pertaining to Thanksgiving, we tend to imagine the Norman Rockwell image of a family gathered at a large table featuring a succulent turkey. Of course, with the Christmas ad cavalcade, that we have any Thanksgiving advertising at all. However, many of these ads I feature in this post don’t really conform to that wholesome family image and may feature dishes that may be as bad on the eyes as they are in your arteries. So without further adieu, here some old timey Thanksgiving ads that you make you glad you didn’t live at that time.

1. Nothing goes better with Thanksgiving dinner than Rhinegold Beer.

Because after this woman is done killing, skinning, gutting, basting, and cooking the turkey, she's sure as hell going to need a drink.

Because after this woman is done killing, skinning, gutting, basting, and cooking the turkey, she’s sure as hell going to need a drink.

2. On this Thanksgiving, may Buster Brown help positively channel your children’s budding homicidal tendencies.

After a decade, and you might see that little boy with the axe in a newspaper listed as a prolific serial killer. I mean he obviously enjoys killing animals which means he's probably a raging psychopath in the making. And does that girl have blood spilling from her hand?

After a decade, and you might see that little boy with the axe in a newspaper listed as a prolific serial killer. I mean he obviously enjoys killing animals which means he’s probably a raging psychopath in the making. And does that girl have blood spilling from her hand?

3. Drink Budweiser for the first Thanksgiving was for corn.

For one, beer's made from hops, barely, and wheat, not corn. Second, what in the hell do Southwest Pueblo Indians have to do with Thanksgiving? The Indians at the first Thanksgiving were Algonquin for God's sake. And it took place in New England, not Arizona.

For one, beer’s made from hops, barely, and wheat, not corn. Second, what in the hell do Southwest Pueblo Indians have to do with Thanksgiving? The Indians at the first Thanksgiving were Algonquin for God’s sake. And it took place in New England, not Arizona!

4. Like the Pilgrims, enjoy your Thanksgiving with Heinz’s Boston Baked Beans.

Now at least Heinz is better with geography than Boston. However, you need to understand that in 1621, the city of Boston didn't even exist yet! So the notion of the Pilgrims enjoying Boston Baked Beans is very much false.

Now at least Heinz is better with geography than Boston. However, you need to understand that in 1621, the city of Boston, Massachusetts didn’t even exist yet! So the notion of the Pilgrims enjoying Boston Baked Beans is very much false. Yet, there is a Boston in England though.

5. Nothing says Thanksgiving like super skinny model and four turkey dinners in the background.

Of course, the model here is encouraging women to buy knits that would help them cover the extra pounds they'd gain after eating a Thanksgiving dinner or two (if you count the in-laws).

Of course, the model here is encouraging women to buy knits that would help them cover the extra pounds they’d gain after eating a Thanksgiving dinner or two (if you count the in-laws). The model kind of reminds me as the bitchy ex-wife from My Name Is Earl if she wore attire from the 1960s.

6. Beer: The Thanksgiving beverage for the grownup table.

Guess you must be 21 years old to sit at the adult table in this family. Still, I guess the kiddies shouldn't disturb the adult family members while they're hammered on the Turkey Day booze.

Guess you must be 21 years old to sit at the adult table in this family. Still, I guess the kiddies shouldn’t disturb the adult family members while they’re hammered on the Turkey Day booze. And even Grandma gets a beer.

7. Try our new Campbell’s Turkey Noodle Soup.

Now turkey noodle soup is a dish people make with the leftover turkey bits after Thanksgiving. And it's much more healthy and hardy than whatever Campbell's shows here.

Now turkey noodle soup is a dish people make with the leftover turkey bits after Thanksgiving. And it’s much more healthy and hardy than whatever Campbell’s shows here. Still, a great taste of salty flavor. Mmmm…salt.

8. Butter always makes everything taste better even turkey in Canada, eh?

Now this is an ad for Thanksgiving Turkey from a Canadian company. Now Canada celebrates their Thanksgiving earlier. However, either way, a buttered turkey is bound not to be good for your cholesterol.

Now this is an ad for Thanksgiving Turkey from a Canadian company. Now Canada celebrates their Thanksgiving earlier. However, either way, a buttered turkey is bound not to be good for your cholesterol.

9. Whether it’s for chocolate cake, stuffed apples, and yams, marshmallows go well with everything.

Now I'm all right with having marshmallows in apples and cake. Yet, in a dish for sweet potatoes for dinner, well, that makes the Thanksgiving dinner on the Charlie Brown special seem fairly healthy by comparison.

Now I’m all right with having marshmallows in apples and cake. Yet, in a dish for sweet potatoes for dinner, well, that makes the Thanksgiving dinner on the Charlie Brown special seem fairly healthy by comparison.

10. For a finishing touch on your Thanksgiving dinner, here’s Maxwell Coffee.

Now I guess that none of the men at Thanksgiving won't be having any coffee, unless they're the designated driver. Most likely the coffee would be drank up by those who prepared the dinner in the kitchen.

Now I guess that none of the men at Thanksgiving won’t be having any coffee, unless they’re the designated driver. Most likely the coffee would be drank up by those who prepared the dinner in the kitchen.

11. Nothing makes a better Thanksgiving decoration than a cranberry scented candle.

Wait a minute, this is an ad for Helman's and the

Wait a minute, this is an ad for Hellman’s and the “candles” are supposed to be salads you have to eat? And there’s even a recipe for it listed. Now this is just fucked up. There’s really no way I’m going to eat food that’s being burned as a candle.

12. For a vegetable, go with Del Monte canned sweet corn because it’s soft on your grandpa’s dentures.

Now my family doesn't serve canned corn on Thanksgiving because it's out of season. However, the only reason why anyone in my house would buy canned corn is to donate to the food bank or to store in case of an apocalypse. Besides, canned veggies aren't really good for you anyway.

Now my family doesn’t serve canned corn on Thanksgiving because it’s out of season. However, the only reason why anyone in my house would buy canned corn is to donate to the food bank or to store in case of an apocalypse. Besides, canned veggies aren’t really good for you anyway.

13. Try to make him taste the best with Campbell’s soup.

Of course, Campbell's soup is great for flavoring the turkey, if you crave for that great salty taste of its chicken broth. As they sat at Campbell's,

Of course, Campbell’s soup is great for flavoring the turkey, if you crave for that great salty taste of its chicken broth. As they sat at Campbell’s, “Mmmm…Salt.” Oh, I’m sure the pilgrim will strangle the turkey to death all the way home. Also, why does the soup have to be tomato for God’s sake?

14. For the black woman, use Du Pont cellophane to seal the freshness of the Thanksgiving food that you’re never going to eat.

You can figure the woman in this ad isn't going to eat the food she's wrapping up because her wardrobe screams,

You can figure the woman in this ad isn’t going to eat the food she’s wrapping up because her wardrobe screams, “maid.” Let’s just say the black maid is a rather demeaning black stereotype, if you know what I mean.

15. Get that down home feel, with a pack of Winston’s cigarettes.

Of course, they'll be giving the kiddies exposure to second hand smoke. Also, I'm sure that down home taste isn't worth the possibility of spending your last years with no hair and a respirator.

Of course, they’ll be giving the kiddies exposure to second hand smoke. Also, I’m sure that down home taste isn’t worth the possibility of spending your last years with no hair and a respirator.

16. Have your cranberry surprise on a platter as a salad or an appetizer.

Now using cranberry sauce and fruit salad as a salad is one thing. But using it as a dip on an appetizer platter, now that's just disgusting.

Now using cranberry sauce and fruit salad as a salad is one thing. But using it as a dip on an appetizer platter, now that’s just disgusting.

17. Buy your Big Ben Westclock to make sure the turkey is baked just right, for death.

I'm sure the little girl and her grandma are so excited with the turkey coming out of the oven. Probably because they could lace it with arsenic laced gravy. Yeah, this is the Thanksgiving that will kill practically everyone.

I’m sure the little girl and her grandma are so excited with the turkey coming out of the oven. Probably because they could lace it with arsenic laced gravy. Yeah, this is the Thanksgiving that will kill practically everyone.

18. Try McCormick for your pumpkin spice pie or pumpkin spice latte.

I hope those black splotches on the pumpkin pie are either spice or burn marks. Let's hope it's not mildew shall we?

I hope those black splotches on the pumpkin pie are either spice or burn marks. Let’s hope it’s not mildew shall we? Because that would be gross.

19. Don’t have time to cook on Thanksgiving? Well, why don’t you buy a TV dinner?

I don't know about you, but I don't think someone who buys a frozen TV dinner for Thanksgiving has anyone to celebrate the holiday with. Either that or can't cook. Also, TV dinners aren't very good for you either.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think someone who buys a frozen TV dinner for Thanksgiving has anyone to celebrate the holiday with. Either that or can’t cook. Also, TV dinners aren’t very good for you either.

20. For actual Thanksgiving dishes, why don’t you go with borderline tupperware Pyrex?

Of course, I wonder how could this woman slave over cooking Thanksgiving dinner while still keeping herself so glamorous and her kitchen so tidy. I'm sure that women must envy her for those tasks seem impossible.

Of course, I wonder how could this woman slave over cooking Thanksgiving dinner while still keeping herself so glamorous and her kitchen so tidy. I’m sure that women must envy her for those tasks seem impossible.

21. Now join the veggie bandwagon with Lucky Strike cigarettes. It will give you a very good time.

If I were the turkey, I'd be as scared as hell of her running over me. Actually she kind of scares the hell out of me, too. Still, let's just say Lucky Strike was one of the more famous cigarettes that might lead you to an early death. Mostly because it had no filter.

If I were the turkey, I’d be as scared as hell of her running over me. Actually she kind of scares the hell out of me, too. Still, let’s just say Lucky Strike was one of the more famous cigarettes that might lead you to an early death. Mostly because it had no filter.

22. Make Schlitz your Thanksgiving beer as you pull the wishbone.

Let's hope that this couple is married to each other because I think I know what happens after they pull the wishbone and put go to bed. Still, why so many Thanksgiving ads for booze?

Let’s hope that this couple is married to each other because I think I know what happens after they pull the wishbone and go to bed. Still, why so many Thanksgiving ads for booze?

23. Sorry, it’s dinner time, so just let us finish our beer.

While seeing guys drinking beer is something to be expected on Thanksgiving, I don't understand why they all have to be in suits. Seriously, on my family, a collared shirt and khakis are as formal as it goes.

While seeing guys drinking beer is something to be expected on Thanksgiving, I don’t understand why they all have to be in suits. Seriously, on my family, a collared shirt and khakis are as formal as it goes.

24. After Thanksgiving dinner, enjoy a smoke with Turkish tobacco.

Seriously, having a Thanksgiving smoke after dinner to spend quality time with your family? Sheesh. Still, the young guy's a soldier in WWI so that might the last time he takes a nice quiet smoke in any circumstance. Yet, there must be kids running around for sure.

Seriously, having a Thanksgiving smoke after dinner to spend quality time with your family? Sheesh. Still, the family who smokes together all dies of lung cancer.

25. Nothing says Thanksgiving greetings than a Western Union telegram.

Of course, while the creepy younger boy can't wait to eat, the girl doesn't seem too keen of eating a piece of steaming nightmare loaf. Oh, and Grandma forgives Dad for sending her to that rest home.

Of course, while the creepy younger boy can’t wait to eat, the girl doesn’t seem too keen of eating a piece of steaming nightmare loaf. Oh, and Grandma forgives Dad for sending her to that rest home.

26. Start your Thanksgiving with Cream of Wheat cereal.

Have to hand it to the offensive black stereotype Rastus to solve the world's hunger problems by carrying a turkey that could feed a small village and cereal.

Have to hand it to the offensive black stereotype Rastus to solve the world’s hunger problems by carrying a turkey that could feed a small village and cereal.

27. Drink some hot Dr. Pepper with lime for your Thanksgiving dinner.

Now I don't know about you, but I think hot pop is not just disgusting but bound to rot your teeth. Oh, wait a minute, they're cocktails.

Now I don’t know about you, but I think hot pop is not just disgusting but bound to rot your teeth. Oh, wait a minute, they’re cocktails.

28. Now this woman doesn’t need a man to kill her turkey, all thanks to Chesterfield cigarettes.

Still, I don't think cigarettes have ever been tools for female empowerment. In fact, quite the opposite. Seriously, those smokers who can bag their own turkeys today, certainly won't tomorrow.

Still, I don’t think cigarettes have ever been tools for female empowerment. In fact, quite the opposite. Seriously, those smokers who can bag their own turkeys today, certainly won’t tomorrow.

29. How about taking your Thanksgiving turkey leftovers and putting them in a jello bowl to serve as a casserole?

This is proof that what was once a delectable family dish of the 1950s will soon become the stoner food of the 21st century. Besides, jello is a dessert food, not something you have with dinner.

This is proof that what was once a delectable family dish of the 1950s will soon become the college kid food of the 21st century. Besides, jello is a dessert food, not something you have with dinner. Just why do they seem to put jello in everything?

30. So what if you overate that Thanksgiving dinner? Why don’t you have a bottle of Coke and double decker sandwich?

Then again, since Thanksgiving weekend pertains to rampant Christmas shopping with Black Friday and the first day of buck season, this meal might not be a bad idea.

Then again, since Thanksgiving weekend pertains to rampant Christmas shopping with Black Friday and the first day of buck season, this meal might not be a bad idea. After all, some people will need the calories.

31. Butter your Thanksgiving bird with Keyko.

I don't know about you but somehow this ad makes a scene of a mother basting a turkey in front of her kids unintentionally terrifying.

I don’t know about you but somehow this ad makes a scene of a mother basting a turkey in front of her kids unintentionally terrifying. Still, buttered turkey is bound to clog your arteries.

32. Feast on Ocean Spray cranberries and enjoy them as the Pilgrims did.

Then again, even if the Pilgrims didn't eat cranberries on the first Thanksgiving, we can be sure that the Native Americans ate them. So this ad isn't completely wrong. However, I'm sure they didn't consume them with gelatin though. Nor did they make sundaes from them.

Then again, even if the Pilgrims didn’t eat cranberries on the first Thanksgiving, we can be sure that the Native Americans ate them. So this ad isn’t completely wrong. However, I’m sure they didn’t consume them with gelatin though. Nor did they make sundaes from them.

33. For Thanksgiving dinner, why not make orange marshmallow yam-yums?

Seriously, this is disgusting and definitely not good for you. I mean marshmallows are basically candy for God's sake. Seriously, how the hell did people come up with such recipes?

Seriously, this is disgusting and definitely not good for you. I mean marshmallows are basically candy for God’s sake. Seriously, how the hell did people come up with such recipes?

34. Smoking, like Thanksgiving is an American tradition.

Now this seems like a rather decent Thanksgiving ad. However, just because Americans have been smoking for centuries doesn't mean it's a tradition that should be encouraged.

Now this seems like a rather decent Thanksgiving ad. However, just because Americans have been smoking for centuries doesn’t mean it’s a tradition that should be encouraged.

35. Seagram’s Crown Whiskey, a great beverage for your Thanksgiving dinner.

Now drinking beer on Thanksgiving is one thing. However, I'm sure whiskey is perhaps the kind of alcoholic drink you don't want at a family event. Still, this guy seems either hammered or can't resist the turkey smell.

Now drinking beer on Thanksgiving is one thing. However, I’m sure whiskey is perhaps the kind of alcoholic drink you don’t want at a family event. Still, this guy seems either hammered or can’t resist the turkey smell.

36. For Thanksgiving in 1942, top off your turkey dinner with some Schenley Whiskey.

Good God. I know that's not Jimmy Stewart because he's in his thirties at the time and is on his WWII hiatus (which means he has yet to make It's a Wonderful Life and a three Hitchcock flicks). Yet, when I saw this it just as if Jimmy Stewart arrived to celebrate Thanksgiving 1942 from 20 or 30 years to the future in a time machine.

Good God! I know that’s not Jimmy Stewart because he’s in his thirties at the time and is on his WWII hiatus (which means he has yet to make It’s a Wonderful Life and a three Hitchcock flicks). Yet, when I saw this it just as if Jimmy Stewart arrived to celebrate Thanksgiving 1942 from 20 or 30 years to the future in a time machine.

37. Behold, a turkey endorsing Schenley Whiskey as the Mayflower beckons in the distance.

Now I've seen turkeys before in cartoons and in real life. Now I can say that you may call wild turkey whiskey but that bird in the Pilgrim outfit depicted in the ad just looks like a rooster to me. More like a Rhode Island Red than Wild Turkey.

Now I’ve seen turkeys before in cartoons and in real life. Now I can say that you may call wild turkey whiskey but that bird in the Pilgrim outfit depicted in the ad just looks like a rooster to me. More like a Rhode Island Red than Wild Turkey.

38. For you digestion, smoke Camels cigarettes with everything so have a pack on the table to keep you company at all times.

On second thought, you might want to go with antacid, Tums, or Pepto. Let's just say smoking tobacco can result in cardiovascular disease, cancer, emphysema, COPD, asthma, skin yellowing, and early death.

On second thought, you might want to go with antacid, Tums, or Pepto. Let’s just say smoking tobacco can result in cardiovascular disease, cancer, emphysema, COPD, asthma, skin yellowing, and early death.

39. For those who can’t get a turkey for this Thanksgiving, why don’t you go with Spam Birds?

Actually spam has an even poorer nutritional quality than turkey or any meat in that matter. Then again, being WWII, I suppose people had to make do. Still, it's about as good a substitute for turkey as tofu and I'll leave it at that.

Actually spam has an even poorer nutritional quality than turkey or any meat in that matter. Then again, being WWII, I suppose people had to make do. Still, it’s about as good a substitute for turkey as tofu and I’ll leave it at that.

40. Buy some Dromedary Dates for your Thanksgiving fruitcake.

Of course, this ad would be perfectly fine besides the fact that nobody eats fruitcake. That is, unless it's covered in booze or served with it. No wonder there were so many Thanksgiving booze ads.

Of course, this ad would be perfectly fine besides the fact that nobody eats fruitcake (or at least admits it). That is, unless it’s covered in booze or served with it. No wonder there were so many Thanksgiving booze ads.

41. Even though Mom had to slave all day in the kitchen cooking Thanksgiving dinner, she still had to be well made up with perfect hair.

Talk about setting impossible standards for women back in the day. Also, Dad seems to be wearing his suit and tie for some reason. Not to mention, the kitchen seems way too immaculate for any cooking to take place.

Talk about setting impossible standards for women back in the day. Also, Dad seems to be wearing his suit and tie for some reason. Not to mention, the kitchen seems way too immaculate for any cooking to take place.

42. For your mounds of cranberries in lettuce, use Hellman’s mayonnaise.

These are disgusting beyond all repute an hardly qualify for a salad. Also, the gelatine content must be insane.

These are disgusting beyond all repute an hardly qualify for a salad. Also, the gelatine content must be insane.

43. Celebrate Thanksgiving with a vegetable loaf containing apple rings, mashed potatoes, and “cranberry turkey.”

Now I suppose this was the vegetarian option back in the day. Still, whatever a

Now I suppose this was the vegetarian option back in the day. Still, whatever a “cranberry turkey” is, I don’t want to know.

44. Happy Thanksgiving, now bring on the beer.

Yeah, everything Thanksgiving seems to be here. I mean they got turkey, china, candles, and booze. Still, the adults are going to be buzzed when dinner's over.

Yeah, everything Thanksgiving seems to be here. I mean they got turkey, china, candles, and booze. Still, the adults are going to be buzzed when dinner’s over.

45. It’s always great for Dad to don his chef’s hat and help out baking the turkey.

Still, it doesn't hurt Mom that he has a nice tight ass she could stare at while she's tossing her salad. Guess this is an ideal 1950s marriage at its finest.

Still, it doesn’t hurt Mom that he has a nice tight ass she could stare at while she’s tossing her salad. Guess this is an ideal 1950s marriage at its finest.

46. For comfort on your Thanksgiving, there’s Carter’s Trigs.

Most awkward father and son camping trip ever. Also, a blunderbuss, really? You know you have to load them every single time you fire it.

Most awkward father and son camping trip ever. Also, a blunderbuss, really? You know you have to load them every single time you fire it.

47. Shop at Gray’s Market for Thanksgiving with native turkeys.

"Wonder when he finds out it's poison. Now he's sure to croak any time now. Can't wait until the life insurance pays out."

“Wonder when he finds out it’s poison. Now he’s sure to croak any time now. Can’t wait until the life insurance pays out.”

48. Budweiser – the official beer for Thanksgiving.

Guess after Thanksgiving every adult will be afflicted with tryptophan and a hangover. Real American tradition.

Guess after Thanksgiving every adult will be afflicted with tryptophan and a hangover. Real American tradition.

49. Happy Thanksgiving by the General Telephone System and Paul Bunyan.

Hey, I didn't know Paul Bunyan was present during the first Thanksgiving. And why is he wearing denim jeans and a workingman's collar shirt form the 20th century?

Hey, I didn’t know Paul Bunyan was present during the first Thanksgiving. And why is he wearing denim jeans and a workingman’s collar shirt form the 20th century?

50. Look your best for Thanksgiving with these Arrow shirts.

And I'm not sure whether these guys are looking at the turkey or the old lady's ass. Dr. Freud might want to look into this.

And I’m not sure whether these guys are looking at the turkey or the old lady’s ass. Dr. Freud might want to look into this.