SantaCon Costumes Are Coming to Town

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 18, 2015

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Okay, SantaCon is actually over for this year and I couldn’t do a post on it then since I was in Richmond, Virginia last weekend for my sister’s VCU graduation. But still, I have to keep the Christmas posts coming somehow. Now SantaCon is an American holiday tradition that’s an annual mass gathering where people dressed as Santa Claus or other Christmas characters parade in several world cities in a parade and pub crawl. Though originated in San Francisco as “joyful performance art” in the 1990s, it’s largest gathering is in New York City. And it’s now evolved into a “reviled bar crawl” of drunken brawling, vandalism, and disorder in New York City and elsewhere. It has resulted in fierce community resistence, especially from parents who don’t want their kids to see a naughty Santa. Other names for this are Santarchy, Santa Rampage, the Red Menace, and Santapalooza. Still, despite it’s naughty yuletide reputation, this doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with SantaCon. And as I looked on Pinterest, SantaCon has an array of unique Christmas costumes to boot. So for your reading pleasure, here is a treasury of SantaCon costumes that you might like to see. And you don’t have to take my word for it.

Some might find sexy gingerbread lady yummy enough to eat this holiday season.

I don’t know about you. But for some reason, I don’t think food should be sexy. Seriously, that’s just wrong.

2. Of course, at SantaCon there’s bound to be one sexy Frosty the Snowman.

But I’m sure she won’t be wearing this in order to build one. Seriously, that outfit is totally unsuited for below freezing temperatures. Dressing like that will get you hypothermia.

3. He may live at the North Pole but he has a hunk of heart of burning love.

Seems like Santa Elvis has just entered the building. Has his Santa suit, red sash, big glasses, and slicked back pompadour and all. Now he’s all sleighed up.

4. Sometimes at SantaCon it’s either be present or be present.

And it seems this guy managed to fit his upper torso in a purple present box. But he asks not to be opened until Christmas.

5. Since the Nutcracker is running this season, you can’t forget the toy soldier.

Now this toy soldier costume is for women as you see. But unlike some of the costumes so far, it ain’t supposed to be sexy at all.

6. As with any winter wonderland gathering, you can’t forget the Ice Queen.

Of course, I’m sure she’s probably the slowest member of the SantaCon pub craw. However, her dress is a convenient flat surface nonetheless.

7. When it comes to Santas, a sexy one is a real treat.

I don’t mind women dressing as Santas. However, I kind of find it hard to accept one being sexy in a Santa suit. Maybe it’s just me.

8. Still, a toy soldier can always look so proper and badass in a big tall furry hat.

Yes, I know that toy soldiers usually tend to be guys. But this guy in such a costume kind of gives me the creeps for some reason. I don’t know why.

9. For lady Santa costumes, a cape and a skirt is all you need.

Now that looks kind of cute and not too sexy as some of the other costumes. However, I hope her tights keep her legs warm enough. Because they look they might freeze.

10. Now this costume looks like a cross between Santa and a Victoria’s Secret model.

Then again, if you love Christmas and have a job dancing on tables, this might be the SantaCon outfit for you. Unless the weather in your neck of the woods is below freezing of course.

11. To appear more festive at New York’s SantaCon, you might want to go as a Rockette.

Of course, you might look glamorous in such an outfit. But if it’s 32 below outside, you might want to wear it with pants.

12. Now this pink Santa outfit will make you the darling of the Santa pub crawl.

Now this one looks like a Santa nightie you might see at a Victoria’s Secret fashion show. And I’m not sure those stockings are bound to keep you warm in freezing weather either.

13. Now this woman is dressed as a gingerbread lady who’s yummy enough for Santa’s plate.

While many of these costumes certainly come from stores like Yandy or Party City, this woman has made her own. And yes, she looks so cute in it. Love the mittens.

14. If you prefer a long dress, may I suggest you dress as a Victorian caroler?

Now that really doesn’t look like something from the 1800s. Then again, if it looked authentic, it would be terribly uncomfortable and hard to fit through a door.

15. This girl at SantaCon comes as pretty as a Christmas tree.

Wait a minute, she is a Christmas tree. And it seems that she made her own costume by dressing in green with tinsel and some metal to boot.

16. For the holiday season, it helps to dress up as pretty snowflakes.

Seems like these women decided to match and make their own costume as well. Hope they don’t hit somebody with those giant snowflakes possibly made from construction paper.

17. Of course, a sexy toy soldier always has to wear a short black skirt.

Looks more like a marching band majorette uniform to me. Then again, I’m sure her legs would be freezing cold once it snows.

18. You better watch out/You better not cry/You better not pout, I’m telling you why/Santa pimp is coming to town.

Now this is a Santa who prefers you to be naughty instead of nice. Because when you’re naughty toward his ho, ho, hos, he gets paid. Yeah, he’s very naughty as well.

19. You can be a sexy Santa with a short red and white fur lined dress and some jingly reindeer antlers.

For the love of God, can’t we not sexualize Santa for once? He’s a jolly fat man with a white beard. And yet, they make sexy Santa costumes. That’s not right.

20. Of course, we shouldn’t forget about the unsung heroes of Christmas who get absolutely no recognition: Santa’s sleigh repair crew.

You know, the guys who make sure Santa’s sleigh is up and running for Christmas Eve. Yeah, you probably never heard of them. But hey, somebody has to do it. You also forget about those who have to clean up after the reindeer, too.

21. As Santa said, “Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you drive my sleigh tonight.”

Now this sexy Rudolph costume is bound to make anyone look like a deer in the headlights. Then again, female reindeer do have antlers this time of year. So why not.

22. Nothing makes you a darling of SantaCon than a Santa suit and a light up ugly Christmas sweater.

Seems this guy will soon be easy for the cops to find if he’s acting too naughty at this convention. Yeah, SantaCon doesn’t really have a good reputation.

23. When it comes to being sexy Santa, why need pants?

Now this is just wrong. I’m sure no one would wear something like that at the North Pole. Still, if a guy wore that, would we call him sexy? No, we’d think he looks like an idiot.

24. A lady toy soldier always looks sharp in a red skirt and white hat.

Also looks like a marching band majorette uniform to me. Also, I don’t think the short skirt and tights are cold weather accommodating.

25. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the Santabot 3000.

Now this is a clever costume if you think about it. However, I suppose this guy will have trouble moving around. Wonder what his gift giving efficiency rate is.

26. A candy cane costume is sure to make you look as sweet as peppermint.

I don’t know about you but she looks more like what you’d expect Candy Cane forest inhabitant to look like if Candyland was a horror movie. Then again, at least she has everything matching.

27. Seems like these presents didn’t have much wrapping to them.

I’m sure these aren’t meant for freezing conditions. Still, you probably shouldn’t unwrap them until Christmas, just to be safe.

28. When it comes to SantaCon, it’s all for one and one for all.

Now these are just Santa versions of the 3 Musketeers. And yes, they’re using candy canes instead of swords.

29. Of course, in warmer climates, Santa might don a sombrero.

I don’t know about this. Kind of think sombreros and Santa suits don’t go together. Maybe it’s just they’re clothing articles made for different climates.

30. At SantaCon, real man dress as reindeer with real animal skin.

Not sure how PETA would feel about this (then again, I do). Still, hope he’s not wearing it during deer season.

31. Of course, not all snowflake costumes are alike.

Yes, snowflakes are pretty. But this guy looks like he’s an advertising mascot for some product. I don’t know why.

32. Seems like Santa’s bound to have a blue Christmas this year.

Well, this is a blue Santa suit. And yes, they exist. Still, not sure if that’s Santa’s color.

33. Of course, tis the season for snowmen.

Now this is a rather convincing snowman costume. However, I can’t help thinking that it looks a bit creepy. Must be the eyes.

34. When one of you is a toy soldier, almost all of you have to match.

Now it’s snowing here. Then again, at least some of these girls are wearing pants. But one stands out because she’s wearing a green and red hat.

35. Looks like this Santa pimp is looking for some of his ho, ho, hos.

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Yeah, don’t know what’s behind the Santa pimp costume either. Then again, I do like his candy cane suit, red fedora, and pimp candy cane.

36. Sometimes a silver Christmas tree makes a less complicated costume.

Now this one doesn’t have a lot of silver limbs on it. But I do like how she put all those bulbs on that cone hat. Very stunning.

37. During the holiday season, there’s nothing better than a sexy polar bear.

With a costume like that, you’d swear that she was a member of the polar bear club. Hope she loves to swim in freezing temperatures in that.

38. Don’t worry about them. They’re just a couple of candy canes.

Now those are clever costumes. It’s apparent how their white outfits are covered in red ribbons. And how their crooks are made from paper.

39. Now I’m not sure which one of these two is supposed to be Rudolph.

Then again, this costumes are made for both men and women. And neither of them are sexy at any means.

40. At SantaCon, save Santa the trip and be naughty.

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Of course, SantaCon is the kind of event where the Christmas clad characters do all sorts of naughty things. And sometimes they dress naughty, too.

41. Now I see that this elf is a bit on the naughty side.

I don’t know about you. But from the look at this, it’s a bit too naughty for my taste. Also, I’m sure she’s bound to freeze her ass off when it’s under 32 degrees outside.

42. Never thought they’d have a sexy reindeer around at SantaCon.

Of course, I’m not sure if the antlers and red nose make this costume a bit freaky. But then again, to each his own.

43. Of course, it can be hard to participate in a pub crawl if you’re inside a snow globe.

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On a positive note, at least their friends will have a designated drive. Yet, I’m sure their costumes will make that job rather difficult.

44. At SantaCon, anyone is bound to shimmer in this Santa dress.

Now this one kind of reminds me of the get up some pop stars wear on their Christmas album covers. Mariah Carey comes to mind.

45. Of course, when Santa can’t deliver his presents, the Caped Crusader takes over.

Of course, he’s not smiling because Batman really doesn’t have a merry Christmas most of the time. Yes, I know the guy needs some psychiatric counseling. Still, he looks like a badass.

46. Hey, look, it’s the Grinch with little Cindy Lou Who.

And they even have their dog dressed as Max in full reindeer attire. Oh, and they even have a sack for good measure.

47. Now this guy is all dressed and ready in his own snowman suit.

Now that guy looks quite flashy. Maybe the suit is fuzzy white and he’s wearing a scarf and hat.

48. Now this elf seems a bit on the skimpy side to me.

She reminds me of a skimpy elf you’d see at Santaland in the mall. Or some North Pole gentleman’s club.

49. Seems like this snowman really wants to be the center of attention.

Yeah, that snowman is practically taking over the whole photo. And some of the Santas are really not happy about it.

50. Now this is the kind of Christmas tree costume you can fold up and store in your attic.

Yeah, that one looks like it was made from hoops and stretchy green material. wonder what those yellow and red things are on it.

51. Seems like this Santa pimp is all about the ho, ho, hos and the benjamins.

Yes, this is my 3rd Santa pimp on this post. Yes, you see a lot of them. No, I don’t know why it’s a popular idea for SantaCon.

52. Of course, these 4 candy canes all come in a set.

Wonder what it’s like to be wearing a giant crook on your head. Might make you look like an idiot in some situations. But not on Christmas.

53. For SantaCon, a dress like this will certainly make you a winter darling.

Now this doesn’t look like it’s suited for cold weather. Better to wear it with pants outside.

54. When it comes to reindeer, you can’t ignore the one with the golden antlers.

Now this is a cute reindeer costume. Love the fuzzy cuffs and gold antlers. Nice makeup job, too.

55. Of course, Christmas wouldn’t be the same without a cute elf on the shelf.

Now normally I think elf on the shelf is a creepy phenomenon that I tend to make fun of mercilessly. But this costume is quite cute if I say so myself.

56. Now I call these ladies, “the Snowflake Girls.”

Not sure if their legs can withstand freezing temperatures. Still, I like their snowflake headbands. Very clever.

57. A snowman costume is never complete without a white tutu.

Well, at least they can keep their head and necks warm with a scarf and hat. But they could really use a coat.

58. This Christmas tree comes complete with all the trimmings.

Of course, you wouldn’t want to eat any of the candy canes. They came with her costume. Still, she must’ve spent a lot of time on this.

59. A toy soldier is never a badass unless he has his rifle.

Dear Lord, please let that gun be fake. Also, the hat and makeup job doesn’t enhance that guy’s costume at all.

60. Of course, sexy elf costumes aren’t just reserved for the ladies.

Nice try. But I don’t know if any guy could look sexy in a velvet elf costume. Yet, this guy doesn’t look half bad.

61. For elves who like turned shoes and fur trimmings, go for it.

Now that kind of looks like an elf costume David Sedaris would describe in his Santaland diaries. Yeah, I’m sure a guy wouldn’t wear it unless his job required him to.

62. If you enjoyed A Christmas Story, then you’ll love how this leg lamp lights up.

Man, little did people know that a lamp people would associate with strip club decor would now be a Christmas decoration. Of course, that was before A Christmas Story came out and attracted a lot of fans.

63. Looks like this is a job for Santaman.

Yes, Santaman will make sure all the good girls and boys will receive their presents. And that evil is vanquished once and for all.

64. The Force is strong with these Santas.

Now this consists of Princess Leia with Christmas decor, and Santa Stormtrooper, Yoda, and Chewbacca. Yes, the Force is strong with Christmas this year.

65. When it comes to Christmas hairstyles a candy cane mohawk is always fashionable.

Of course, I couldn’t pass this one up. Yeah, this Santa really looks like a real tough guy with his mohawk and jacket. This is just too hilarious to resist.

66. Hey, nobody calls Santa chicken.

Now that’s something I’ve never seen before. Hope Santa wasn’t tarred and feathered. Because that’s stuff is such a bitch to get off. Then again, he probably wasn’t.

67. Of course, being a reindeer on the mantle isn’t as great as it’s cracked up to be.

Now that’s a very clever costume. Love the deer head with antlers. But I bet it’s very hard to move around in.

68. Oh, no, it’s the Abominable Snowman!

Then again, seems that this yeti has toned down his look a bit for this year. Also, he kind of looks like a smurf with white hair and a beard.

69. Seems like Katy Perry has dressed up as a scantily clad nutcracker this year.

Of course, she most likely got this costume from some online vendor like Yandy or Party City. Because they certainly sell them. Believe me, I’ve seen it advertised.

70. If you can’t wrap your presents, then put them in a gift bag.

Now this costume certainly looks doable. All you need are large gift bags and a lot of tissue paper.

71. A tall furry hat and a pleated skirt are always essential for any lady toy soldier.

Let’s hope she’s wearing pants to keep her from freezing. Still, the hat certainly looks cool and sure seems warm and fuzzy, too.

72. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Santa Beaker.

Of course, Santa Beaker only says one thing and thinks that Christmas is all about him. Still, this is a very clever costume if I say so myself.

73. Looks like we have a Krampus in Santa clothing in this place.

Now this is a mythical creature from Central Europe who does terrible things to very bad children on Christmas Eve. So be good and save him the trip.

74. Not sure if this guy is supposed to be Santa or some candy cane Monopoly man.

Seems like this guy has his pants all covered in money. Yet, his boots are trimmed with fur. But he sure looks trim.

75. Now instead of a white beard, this Santa seems to have a boom box and a white shag feather wig.

Then again, I’m not sure whether this guy is supposed to be Santa or not. Still, he really seems to rock it in the Christmas spirit.

76. Surely this Christmas candy fairy will bring you some much needed Christmas cheer.

Yes, this is one of those sexy costumes they gear to women. However, you have to admire the creativity on this with the wings and the Christmas tree on top. Never seen a Christmas costume like that before.

77. Of course, in Westeros, Christmas doesn’t always mean, “Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men.”

Yes, this is Game of Thrones Santa. And yes, his arsenal is on his throne. But considering how the show has a high death rate, he should be prepared for anything.

78. Darth Vader Claus would like you to come over to the merry side of the Force.

Yes, this is another Darth Vader Santa Claus. And yes, he knows what you’re getting for Christmas. Because he can feel your presents.

79. Of course, you never know who’d just turn up at SantaCon.

Yes, this is Spiderman dressed as Santa Claus. As you see he’s wearing two suits this time. And he’s taking a selfie.

80. Nevertheless, Mr. Candy Cane will always dress in red and white for the occasion.

And I see he’s wearing a Christmas bow for his suit. He also has a candy cane scarf. Sad he’s not carrying a large candy cane in his hand. That would look cool.

Have Yourself a Merry Star Wars Christmas

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 15, 2015

Of course, this December is a big one for Star Wars fans since this week Star Wars: The Force Awakens comes out in theaters. And to many nerds out there, this is indeed better than Christmas, especially if you’ve purchased tickets for the film well in advance. But to me, I’m probably not going to see the movie until at least after Christmas or perhaps later. And yes, I’m sure that Mockingjay Part 2 won’t be top of the box office for long since it can’t compete with the power of the Force. At least in box office dollars, that is. Now I know that Star Wars has a a special place for many nerds out there. But I also know that some neighbors give you pressure on decorating for Christmas. However, don’t worry because there are plenty of stuff you can do to make sure your home is the most Christmasy in the galaxy as well as shows your love for Star Wars, too. Since the series pertains to interstellar war, you’d think Star Wars and Christmas won’t go together. However, Star Wars and Christmas have been together since they released the Star Wars Holiday Special back in the day, but we don’t talk about that. Still, since it’s the Christmas season, this gives me the idea to show some holiday cheer in the Star Wars way of things. So for your reading pleasure, here are some things you can do to bring the Force into your holiday home this Christmas. Merry Christmas and may the Force be with you.

Nothing shows more Christmas cheer than wearing a Yoda Santa hat.

Yes, now you can say, “Merry Christmas, I wish you” and not have people think you have a problem with syntax. Still, clever it is.

2. Instead of a yule log in your fireplace, how about Darth Vader’s burning corpse.

Because nothing says Christmas than having Darth Vader’s body burning in your fireplace. Seriously, this is messed up.

3. Sorry, Santa, but I’m afraid that these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

Yeah, I don’t think Timmy wanted a protocol droid with a scarf and present. Nor did he want an R2 unit with lighted antlers either.

4. Why use reindeer to pull your sleigh when you have Taun-Tauns and AT-ATs.

I don’t know about you. But I don’t think it’s to scale. Seriously, AT-ATs are way bigger than the Hoth Taun-Tauns. I mean they’re huge freaking tanks. Love Vader on the sleigh.

5. Wake up this Christmas morning in your very own Star Wars Christmas long johns.

Yes, this is pretty tacky with Christmas and Star Wars stuff. But I’m sure it’ll be the kind of Christmas pajamas fit for a Jedi.

6. Unto Darth Vader and Padme Amidala, a son and daughter were born under the Death Star.

I know it didn’t happen that way in Revenge of the Sith. But still, it’s a pretty funny take off on nativity scenes. Love baby Leia’s cinnabun hair.

7. Of course, it’s always C-3PO’s job to put up the Christmas wreath.

Still, it does mean the C-3PO might be decorated in a Santa hat and Christmas lights in the process. Apparently Christmas decorating isn’t one of his strengths.

8. Nothing says Christmas like having your tree decorated in lightsabers.

Now this one has lightsabers of all different colors you can think of. Yeah, I don’t think they had yellow and orange lightsabers either. But it looks pretty cool.

9. The Force is strong in these Star Wars Christmas cookies.

Now these consist of Imperial Stormtroopers dressed as snowmen, Darth Vaders in Santa hats, Yodas with antlers, and Boba Fetts in elf hats. Pretty silly, but I like them.

10. For Christmas Eve, you might want to hang these Star Wars stockings with care.

Now these consist of R2-D2, Darth Vader, and Chewbacca. And yes, you can buy these on Amazon any day of the week.

11. It’s not Christmas until you can hang an ornament on the tree of your favorite Star Wars character.

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Includes an Ewok, R2-D2, C-3PO, an Imperial Stormtrooper, Darth Vader, Yoda, Chewbacca, and Boba Fett. Collect them all if you can afford it.

12. Seems like this girl is Ewoking in a winter wonderland.

Well, it says so on her ugly Christmas sweat shirt. Still, I’m not sure if Endor even gets snow in December.

13. Apparently, Darth Vader finds your lack of cheer disturbing.

Of course, despite that Darth Vader was responsible for killing billions of people in the galaxy, he sure seems to like Christmas. And he’d certainly force choke any Grinch who says otherwise.

14. You better watch out/You better not cry/You better not pout, I’m telling you why/ Yoda Claus is coming to town.

Sees you when you’re sleeping he does. When you’re awake, he knows. Bad or good, he knows. So be good for goodness sake. Or else, whip up his lightsaber on your ass, he will.

15. Now you can have the Force in your home this holiday season with this Star Wars aluminum Christmas tree.

Includes a blue tinsel garland and some Star Wars ornaments with white bows on them. Feel free to string it with lights and a tree topper of your choice.

16. Nothing shows your support for the Rebel Alliance than a Christmas sweater of an X-Wing fighter.

Yeah, nothing says Christmas like engaging in an epic space battle in order to blow up a large space station with thousands of people inside. Of course, it’s a Death Star that blew up Alderaan, but still.

17. If you want your Christmas on the Dark Side, here’s a great Galactic Empire wreath to adorn your front door.

Now this includes Darth Vader with his red lightsaber, Stormtroopers, a Death Star, and some black, red, and white baubles. Sure to make your Sithmas complete.

18. Don’t leave out your loved ones on this Galactic Christmas. Send them these Christmas cards so the Force would be with them.

Now these are pretty clever. Includes Yoda with reindeer antlers, Han Solo in an ugly sweater, Chewbacca, Chewbacca with a red nose, Lando Calrissian with a present, and Darth Vader in a Santa hat.

19. And they were visited upon 3 bounty hunters carrying gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

Now this is just a Star Wars nativity scene parody. Okay? Greedo and Boba Fett aren’t wise men at all. They’re bounty hunters after Han Solo. Nor is Darth Vader Saint Joseph in any capacity. But I do love the Ewok and Chewbacca as shepherds.

20. For your Star Wars Christmas, you can’t go wrong with this R2-D2 wreath.

Now this wreath has blue and white poinsettias and silver foliage. Of course, this color scheme pretty much fits for R2-D2.

21. If you don’t think the other Star Wars ornaments were Christmasy, these might suit your fancy.

Includes a red Darth Vader, C-3PO in a Santa suit, R2-D2 with reindeer antlers, Santa Yoda, and Jawa with presents. Of course, not sure why they had to paint Vader red.

22. Nothing captures the magic of Christmas like holding a lightsaber for the first time.

It’s a wonder Luke was careful with that thing. Still, I don’t think Ben Kenobi told him about how he dismembered his dad in their duel in the Mustafar system.

23. String up your Christmas tree this year with this light string of lightsabers.

I might show other Star Wars light strings as well. But if you have a Christmas tree full of lightsabers, you might want to go with this.

24. Darth Vader knows what your getting for Christmas this year. He could feel your presents.

This is a lawn light fixture of Darth Vader with a Christmas present. Wonder what it is or who it’s for? Then again, I better not ask.

25. When working for the Galactic Empire, it’s said that dressing for Christmas is mandatory this time of year.

Now many of these Stormtroopers are dressed as elves. One has a Santa hat on and is carrying a sack of toys. And an Imperial guard has a Christmas wreath and a stick covered in lights. And you thought they were on the Dark Side.

26. Nothing makes Christmas more complete than showing up in an ugly at-at Christmas sweater.

Now that’s sure to commemorate the epic battle on Hoth in Empire Strikes Back. Fortunately, that place is an arctic winter world. But watch out for wampas.

27. Let’s just say that Darth Vader is dreaming of a Death Star for Christmas this year.

I don’t think Santa will give Vader that, this year. I mean Death Stars are very expensive to build as you may see. Also, I’m sure Darth Vader is certainly on the naughty list.

28. This holiday cuddle up for some hot cocoa with your very own R2-D2 Christmas mug.

Now this features R2-D2 with a Santa hat on as you can see. Still, this pretty cute. But I’m not sure if R2 would be fine with the hat though.

29. Use the Force this Christmas season by gracing your tree with this Yoda Christmas tree topper.

Has Yoda wielding a lightsaber in his hands, it does. About to kick some serious Sith ass, he is. Fans, do or do not, there is no try.

30. You’re a mean one, Mr. Maul/ You really are a heel/You’re a cuddly as a rancor/You’re as charming as an eel/Mr. Maul/You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel.

I know this might bring some copyright infringement claims. But this Darth Maul Grinch action figure is just genius. Seriously. it’s great.

31. Of course, Christmas has to figure into your fighting style as well in that galaxy far, far away.

Now Darth Vader has a green and red candy cane lightsaber, Han Solo has a wreath on his blaster, and Boba Fett has his gun decorated with lights. Not sure if they’re practical but they make great Christmas toy decor.

32. Insulate your Christmas tree this season with your very own R2-D2. tree blanket.

Now this was somebody’s craft project by the looks of it. Still, this is quite adorable if I say so myself. Couldn’t have done one better.

33. This Christmas, this Darth Vader Santa Claus will certainly put your holidays on the Dark Side.

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Now this one has Vader in a Santa hat and a bad ass red cape. And he’s holding a lightsaber and a Christmas present.

34. Carry your things this holiday season in this Star Wars bag.

Of course, I don’t think Chewie’s liking being decorated like a Christmas tree one bit. Can’t Luke, Han, and Leia use something else? You don’t want to piss off a wookiee.

35. Nothing makes Sithmas complete than a Darth Vader tree.

Yes, this is the ultimate Star Wars Christmas tree as you may see. It even has an X-Wing and a lightsaber. Someone must be an ardent fan.

36. Light up your home this holiday season with this droid leg lamp.

Has R2-D2’s top and C-3PO’s leg. Based on the leg lamp in A Christmas Story which was way more risque than this. Still, I think it’s genius to say the least.

37. Before morning, you’ll be visited by 3 Jedi ghosts.

Now this is a take off from Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Of course, these ghosts have nothing to do with the past, present, or future.

38. If Santa can’t do the job of delivering presents, R2-D2 will certainly rise to the occasion.

After all, R2-D2 basically saves everyone’s ass in the Star Wars movies. And he never seems to get any credit for it. Still, he’s a fiesty little droid if you ask me.

39. Deck your Christmas tree with this R2-D2 string of lights.

Yes, R2-D2 has his own light string. Still, he’s a very adorable character who’s very resourceful. But he can also be a little ornery and zap anyone he doesn’t like.

40. No, I don’t think these are the droids you’re looking for either.

I mean these two are wearing ugly Christmas sweaters. Would any droid in their right mind wear something like that? Probably not.

41. Make your Christmas merry with this ornament of C-3PO at Jabba the Hutt’s mercy.

Because nothing says Christmas like being enslaved into acting as translator for a desert planet crime lord in his dump of a palace. Still, Jabba the Hutt is one of my least favorite characters since he’s just so disgusting.

42. The holiday spirit is strong in this Stormtrooper snowman.

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Yes, this is an inflatable of Darth Vader building a snowman of an Imperial Stormtrooper. Not sure if he’d have the time but this is pretty funny.

43. Darth Vader wishes you a merry Sithmas.

Now this is said to be sold at K Mart. Still, like the candy cane lightsabers and Vader in a Santa hat.

44. Looks like Boba Fett has Jabba the Hutt’s Christmas gift ready for him.

Why, he’s giving Jabba Han Solo frozen in carbonite. I would’ve never guessed. Like his candy cane gun and a bow on his jet pack.

45. Seems like Jawa love to receive gadgets and droids for Christmas.

Of course, they traffic droids on Tattooine to sell like they did with C-3PO and R2-D2. Still, they didn’t deserve to be killed by Imperial Stormtroopers.

46. Count the days toward Christmas with this Lego Star Wars advent calendar.

Think of it as a calendar that has Star Wars in the Christmas spirit. Notice that Santa has his transporter pulled by R2-D2.

47. While Santa has his sleigh pulled by reindeer, Vader has his pulled by at-ats.

And the at-ats seem to have reindeer antlers as they travel through space to the Death Star. Also, there’s Darth Vader with a sack of toys as it seems.

48. The Galactic Emperor Palpatine would like to wish everyone a merry Sithmas.

And it seems that his eyes are red to show it. Still, Darth Sidious is a complete monster and incapable of any redemption. Not to mention, he’s pretty darn scary to boot.

49. You can’t have Christmas without having Emperor Palpatine on your Christmas tree.

Emperor Palpatine Christmas ornament by Hallmark

Because nothing says Christmas than an evil Emperor who manipulated his way into power in order to stage a coup so he could kill off the Jedi. Also, can shoot out lightning with his hands.

50. When it snows, some people build snowmen. But Darth Vader builds a snow Death Star.

Of course, let’s hope this snow Death Star isn’t capable of blowing up a planet like Alderaan. Still, it’s kind of disturbing. Like Vader in a Santa hat though.

51. Relive the Return of the Jedi this Christmas with this ornament of Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker’s final lightsaber duel.

Because nothing says Christmas than engaging in a lightsaber duel with your arch nemesis Sith Lord dad. Of course, this will end when Luke chops Vader’s hand off.

52. As they say in Star Wars, “Droid to the World.”

Still, I don’t think these are the droids you’re looking for. I mean Santa hats and a string of lights? C’mon.

53. Of course, R2-D2 is just about to deliver your presents.

Seems like little R2-D2 has his work cut out for him this Christmas. Still, not sure how he was able to carry those presents.

54. Relive the Return of the Jedi with this Christmas ornament of Luke Skywalker being grabbed by a rancor.

Because nothing says Christmas than being grabbed by a huge monster who’s about to eat you. Unfortunately, the rancor messed with the wrong Jedi.

55. Of course, some might be dreaming of a droid Christmas.

This inflatable has C-3PO, R2-D2, and Chewbacca decorating a Christmas tree. Also, R2-D2 is wearing a bow on his head.

56. Nothing makes your Star Wars Christmas worthwhile than turning your tree into an Imperial cruiser.

Seems like this guy is ready for Star Wars: the Force Awakens. Even has a Stormtrooper on top in a Santa hat.

57. Relive the dramatic climax of Empire Strikes Back with this ornament of Darth Vader on a balcony.

Because nothing says Christmas like cutting off your son’s hand in a lightsaber duel, telling him he’s his father while he’s clinging to life on a pole, and asking him to join the Dark Side. Well played, Vader. Well played.

58. If you loved the prequels, then you’ll want this Christmas ornament of Qui-Gon Jin and Obi Wan Kenobi’s lighsaber duel with Darth Maul.

Of course, we all know that Qui-Gon will soon be Qui-gone not long after this moment. And Obi Wan can do nothing about it.

59. Darth Vader finds your lack of holiday spirit disturbing.

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Not sure if it’s store bought or made on someone’s computer. Still, like him in that Santa hat and red sack of presents. Yes, Darth Vader knows what you’re getting for Christmas.

60. As Darth Vader would say, “Merry Sithmas and bah, humbug.”

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Yes, this Christmas, make sure your coffee is on the Dark Side. I’m sure this thermal mug will make your holiday season complete.

61. When it comes to the holiday season, Darth Vader always knows the perfect holiday turtleneck for the occasion.

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Yes, this is Darth Vader in a quintessential Galactic Empire ugly Christmas sweater. And yes, it’s decorated like you’d expect for a Sith lord.

62. Nothing will help you open bottles faster than this Yoda Claus bottle opener.

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Trouble with opening that bottle you have. Fix it, this will. Also talk, it can. For holiday booze parties, you need.

63. For the little ones, have them cuddle up with these Star Wars Itty Bittys from Hallmark.

Consists of C-3PO in a green and red scarf, R2-D2 with reindeer antlers, Chewbacca with a Santa hat and candy cane sash, and Yoda with a Santa hat and candy cane. Still, these are adorable and possibly overpriced.

64. May the Force be with you this Christmas with these light up Star Wars lawn ornaments.

These consists of R2-D2, Yoda, Darth Vader, and a Stormtrooper. All are wearing Santa hats. But Darth Vader has a Santa cape while the Stormtrooper is carrying a candy cane and wearing a green scarf.

65. So what will you choose this holiday season: the Nice Side or the Naughty Side?

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Choose Yoda and green to come to the Nice Side. Choose Darth Vader and red to go to the Naughty Side. Either way, Hallmark might hose you.

66. Relive your favorite moments from Return of the Jedi this holiday season with this Slave Leia Christmas tree ornament.

Because nothing says Christmas by being forced into sex slavery for Jabba the Hutt after defrosting Han Solo in disguise. And having to strangle him to death with the chain around your neck.

67. With Star Wars baubles like these, what more can you ask for in a Christmas tree?

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Many of these consists of some of your favorite characters from the original trilogy. Also includes the Death Star.

68. On Hoth, Darth Vader dashes through the snow by a Taun Taun sleigh.

This might be a Christmas card image from Lego. But it’s still pretty funny. Apparently Vader has to use a whip as well. And he’s carrying a sack.

69. Light up your Christmas tree with these C-3PO light string.

Of course, C-3PO may whine a lot on missions. Then again, he was made to be a butler droid. But if you land on a planet, his translator skills really come in handy.

70. When it comes to the Christmas decorating, Grand Moff Tarkin is always in charge.

As he said during this holiday season, “You may tinsel when ready.” Of course, everyone tends to forget he was the one who blew up Alderaan, not Darth Vader.

71. Of course, it can’t be Christmas on the Dark Side without a Darth Maul stocking.

Yes, someone made this. And yes, Darth Maul is a popular character despite appearing for a very short time before being chopped in half by Obi Wan Kenobi in the Phantom Menace.

72. Of course, this stocking hook will help you know where Darth Vader’s stocking goes.

Yes, this is a Darth Vader stocking holder. Still, I think as far as Santa’s concerned, Darth Vader’s on the naughty list. I mean the guy did a lot of bad things in order to conquer the galaxy, didn’t he?

73. Support the Galactic Empire this Christmas by wearing this Imperial Stormtrooper ugly sweater.

Of course, wearing this will surely not help you on your hunting skills. Seriously, try to hunt in it and you won’t hit anything.

74. For Darth Vader’s Christmas tree, a Death Star provides the finishing touch.

Of course, it’s only a matter of time until Luke Skywalker comes in and destroys the thing. So Vader should enjoy it while it lasts.

75. This ugly Star Wars Christmas sweatshirt is bound to bring balance to the Force.

Now that has to be one of the ugliest Christmas sweatshirts in the whole galaxy I’ve ever seen. Makes you wonder whether the designer was on some strong brown acid when they came up with this.

76. A Christmas tree decorated like this is sure to make the Empire proud.

Now this is topped with a Stormtrooper and has a Wampa on the bottom. Decorations include at-ats, Darth Vader, and Death Stars.

77. Don’t tell me that your partial Death Star Christmas tree ornament is already operational.

Then again, nothing says Christmas like a large Death Star construction that’s a possible threat to the moon of Endor.

78. When it comes to Star Wars stockings, would you prefer Wampa or Ewok?

One is a large yeti like monster from Hoth that eat Taun Tauns and had its arm sliced off by Luke Skywalker. The other is a cute little teddy bear that is perfectly willing to eat humans. Yet, poses a grave threat for Imperial Stormtroopers.

79. When it comes to Christmas tree ornaments, this Stormtrooper always knows what’s appropriate.

Now this is a nutcracker of a Stormtrooper with a Christmas tree ornament bearing the Galactic Empire logo. Whether he’s a good of a decorator as he’s a shot is anyone’s guess.

80. If you can’t buy a Star Wars Christmas stocking, consider making one instead.

These consist of Yoda, Darth Vader, Princess Leia, and R2-D2. Yes, they’re in stripes and crocheted. But they’re quite adorable, too.

81. Nothing makes a better Sithmas tree topper than a large Death Star.

Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” or “Peace on Earth” than a large space station that blows up a planet. Yeah, I don’t think that’s appropriate for a Christmas tree if you ask me.

82. Of course, Chewbacca has a tendency of getting tangled up in lights.

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Seems like Christmas isn’t a great time of year for Chewie. It’s bad enough that Han complains about his hair getting all over them, too.

83. This Christmas, Darth Vader is making a list and checking it twice.

Of course, he doesn’t care who’s naughty or nice. He just wants to make note of which planets have Rebel bases and whether he should blow it up.

84. Of course, R2-D2 has to look his best on Christmas. And that means being covered in lights.

Not sure if R2-D2 would take kindly to this. Might hurt his mechanical capabilities in some way or another. But that remains to be seen.

85. Yoda Claus knows you want to know what you’re getting for Christmas.

Trying to feel your presents, you are. Open them before Christmas, you will not. What part of no peeking understand, do you not?

86. For this Galactic Christmas, grace your mantle with these Star Wars holiday bobbleheads.

These include Yoda Claus, Jawa with presents, Darth Vader in Santa hat and cape, C-3PO in Santa suit, and R2-D2 with presents. Pretty amusing if you think about it. Yet, clever.

87. Grace your front door this Christmas by putting Star Wars figurines in your wreath.

Now this is certainly home to a bonafide Star Wars fan. And I guess their favorite one in the series is Empire Strikes Back as I see it.

88. Of course, a Stormtrooper doesn’t have the Christmas spirit unless they wear reindeer antlers.

And this Christmas sweater is for men and women. Still, Stormtroopers look pretty silly in red antlers. And they make lousy guides, too. Well, at least when it comes to marksmanship.

89. If you loved Empire Strikes Back, then you’ll love this Wampa Christmas tree ornament.

Now I’m sure this Wampa was minding its own business and just wants to eat a Taun Taun. However, I’m not sure if the sight of blood is Christmas appropriate.

90. Sorry, but this isn’t the droid wreath you’re looking for. Move along.

Yes, this is a C-3PO and R2-D2 Christmas wreath. Yes, it contains gold, white, and blue baubles. But still, it’s pretty cool.

91. For you Princess Leia fans out there, this Christmas wreath is just what the doctor ordered.

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Now somebody certainly made this. Still, I think the best part of this is that they used rope for Leia’s hair buns.

92. For Christmas treats, you can’t go wrong with a cookie and candy cane Imperial destroyer.

Yes, this destroyer is a little bit on the Dark Side. No, I’m not sure whether you could eat it or if it’s for show. Yet, for a destroyer, it looks tasty.

93. Now this is the Darth Vader wreath of the season that can’t be beat.

Now this consists of a Darth Vader baubles, red berries and string, as well as silver ribbon and black and silver burlap. Still, looks quite festive for the Dark Side.

94. This white R2-D2 Christmas tree is guaranteed to melt your heart.

Now this is a cute Christmas tree. Consists of a white Christmas tree with blue sparkly ribbon, a red bauble, and silver bows.

95. Of course, there’s even an R2-D2 wreath to match.

This one is a white tree wreath with an R2-D2 figure, red, silver, and blue ribbons, and red, blue, and silver baubles. Still, this is so adorable.

96. Celebrate Christmas with the Force by donning your front door with this tulle Santa Yoda wreath.

Marvelous wreath for any door, wall, or mantle it is. Easy to make, it looks. Wow die hard fans, it will.

97. Relive the original Star Wars movie with your very own Leia and R2-D2 ornament.

Because nothing says Christmas than implanting a disc into a droid with information to send to an old man on Tattooine, while being imprisoned by the Empire. Of course, R2-D2 does achieve his mission being the stubborn droid he is.

98. When Yoda walks he uses a cane. When Yoda Claus walks, he uses a candy cane.

Christmas spirit, it is. Enhances look with Santa hat and coat, it does. Lucky if struck with it over lightsaber, you will.

99. For any Jedi Knight on Christmas, a Santa Yoda Advent Calendar is a must have.

Of course, Yoda on the front, need to have. Clad in Santa suit and hat he is. Writing letter to Santa and drinking coffee, he does.

100. For Star Wars fans everywhere, say hello to Vader Claus.

Yes, this is Vader Claus. He’s said to give gifts to all the good girls and boys on Christmas. to the bad ones who go against him or are simply incompetent, he force chokes them. Also is said to conquer the galaxy for the Empire. Still, pretty much is on the Dark Side.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas with These Village Houses

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 10, 2015

Another big Christmas tradition pertains to Christmas villages where people make a little yuletide world within their own homes or at some public venue. You see these often with toy trains as well. Now the tradition for these little Christmas villages is rooted in the Moravian Church a Protestant denomination in central Europe that settled in places like Salem, North Carolina and Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. It mostly started with putting a nativity scene at the base of the Christmas tree called a putz. But these displays soon became more elaborate and by the early 19th century would include scenes from the Bible like Noah’s Ark. By the mid-19th century, the putz began to include more secular elements such as the Christmas village scenes you see today. And they also have villages pertaining to Halloween and Easter as well. Now this can be a rather expensive tradition since many buildings and figures used are usually made from ceramic and porcelain, which might come from sets. However, there are plenty of people who make their own houses with craft store supplies and other stuff lying around. It’s pretty fascinating stuff. So for your reading pleasure, here I give you some miniature houses for these Christmas villages.

Of course, almost every Christmas village needs their own gazebo.

Now this one has a bright blue roof and roses on top. But it has a Christmas tree within its bounds.

2. To light up a Christmas house, a string of pearls will do.

And it appears these pearls are on the roof. Also, the windows seem covered in tinsel. And the figures seem about too tall for the doorway. These things aren’t done to scale.

3. When it comes to Christmas houses, red really stands out.

This one seems to have a wreath at the front door and a snowman. And it’s on a stand. Still, this is quite cute. Love the snow on the roof.

4. Of course, you find plenty of churches among the Christmas villages. Many with steeples.

And this blue one seems to have no glass windows and a lot of snow on the roof. Wonder if the steeple doubles as a lightning rod of some sort.

5. For a lovely Christmas house, it helps to add glitter.

Now a lot of these houses use glitter to capture the effects of the glistening snow. But as we all know, glitter can sometimes make a mess if you aren’t too careful.

6. For the surrounding foliage, the ornaments always have to match the house.

Now most people don’t decorate their trees in their yards. But you see this a lot in Christmas village houses. Nevertheless, I like the wreath on this one.

7. When it comes to Christmas villages, some can be quite elaborate as they may be.

This is meant to be a village near a coastal town, possibly in New England. And yes, it includes a wooden ship near the bay. But yes, someone had too much time on their hands.

8. For roof tiles, you can’t go wrong with using pine cones.

Now this village seems to be built on some miniature garden. But the roofs look fairly realistic thanks to using pine cones. Not sure about the trees.

9. If you can’t light a Christmas house up from the windows, use some wreaths and garlands.

Now this one looks like it was homemade as you can see by what the roof and trees are made from. But I do like the red bows and fake branches. Very Christmasy.

10. If you think Christmas houses are too expensive, just think of what you can do with a small cardboard box and construction paper.

Not sure if lime green is a suitable color for a house of any kind. But I think this one is quite cute to say the least.

11. With this Christmas village, every house and building has its own place.

Now this looks like a cute idea. Love how each little house has its own shelf by the top. I’d like to take a closer look.

12. I don’t know about you, but something tells me this place is toasty inside.

I think those are supposed smoke stacks coming from the chimney. But it kind of looks like they’re windblown trees at another angle.

13. If you don’t want kids getting to your Christmas village, you can always use a cabinet to display it.

Now this is quite elaborate if you ask me. Seems to resemble a little village at night when you look at it. Love how they used a starry background.

14. When it comes to Christmas villages, some can take over a living room floor.

Now this is why a Christmas village can be a rather expensive hobby. And yes, it’s near the tree. Still, if you have kids or pets, please keep them away.

15. Seems like this house has about 3 stories on it.

Now I’m sure you wouldn’t see a whimsical house like that in your neighborhood. But it’s quite charming and you can’t help but love it.

16. I suppose this is what Santa’s home is supposed to look like at the North Pole.

Now Now this looks quite charming. Not sure of the Clauses having a lawn. But I think the house colors and decorations suit them.

17. Glitter and plaid would sure make any little Christmas house festive.

Now this has golden glitter snow and a facade of plaid wrapping paper. Also has a lace ribbon tied in a bow. Like the windows, too.

18. If you like townhouses, you’ll find this especially charming.

Now this consists of 3 houses in pastel colors. Nevertheless, I find such display particularly whimsical and adorable this time of year.

19. Of course, you can add some extra to go with the village display.

Now this is a display pertaining to a skating rink and a hillside. And the icicles are hung to give it more flair. Of course, in my area, you wouldn’t have snow outside.

20. At this country church, Christmas comes but once a year.

Now this is quite pretty. Seems like one of those little churches you see in movies. Like the decorations and the bell tower, too.

21. Still, you always have to put the toy shop right next to the music store.

While the music store has bows and garlands, the toy shop has a Christmas tree. Still, it’s quite charming if you ask me.

22. Seems like Santa has just stopped here or the sleigh is just a decoration.

Now this house has two large decorated Christmas trees, a snowman, and Santa on his sleigh. It also has 2 chimneys and a wreath.

23. Think porcelain and ceramic is too expensive? Try cards and cardboard.

This church uses a lot of elaborate pieces of paper to cover it. And it has paper decorations as well. Still, I like the jingle in its bell tower.

24. Looking for a way to arrange your Christmas village? How about a corner shelf display.

Now this seems like a nifty idea. And I see this area is dolled up with houses, lights, and cotton snow. Still, keep away from small children and animals.

25. Seems like this place is selling cut Christmas trees for $1.

Most of the time Christmas trees cost more than that. But not so at this snowman’s place. Still, it’s pretty cute.

26. While real houses have shabby colors, with a Christmas house you can have a glitter roof.

Now this is a lovely house. Looks so rustic and quaint. But if it were real, it would sure have a large mortgage and heating bill.

27. Now this church certainly has decked the halls this Christmas.

Yes, it’s a pink church with pink tinsel and pin Christmas tree ornaments. But it’s delightful and pretty nonetheless. And it lights up from the inside.

28. When it comes to decorating your Christmas trees, it helps that they match.

Now these Christmas trees are about even. And this place has a reindeer and snowman in front. Love the pink.

29. Nothing brings the spirit of Christmas to your home than a Victorian shabby pink Christmas village.

I’ve seen a lot of such buildings on Pinterest. Not sure if they’re craft or professionally done. However, they are unique so they’ll go on.

30. Who says that you can’t have a church with 2 towers?

Now this is quite intricate. Love the towers and the stained glass window in front. And how it has 3 ways to enter or exit.

31. While most Christmas houses are miniature, there are some rather big ones like this.

Now this one is probably as big as a dollshouse and covered in paper. And yes, it has fairly realistic Christmas decorations. But it does look quite beautiful to say the least.

32. Seems like someone has gotten snowed in around these parts.

Seems a little crowded under this roof. And there seems to be trees under there, too. Then again, not sure if it’s supposed to be made of snow.

33. You might’ve heard of a log cabin village. This one is made from sticks.

Now this looks quite rustic if you agree with me. Not sure if that’s supposed to be a barn or a church. Still, it’s pretty creative.

34. If you’re dreaming of a white Christmas, I’m sure this house will suit your fancy.

Now this looks so cute with a little snowman out front. Man, those look like big icicles. Yet, they enhance the house’s look. In real life, this wouldn’t be the case.

35. Of course, it doesn’t hurt when you put ornaments with the decorations.

Now this church certainly looks festive and Christmasy. Like the golden roof. And I also like that tower, too.

36. If you think one wreath isn’t enough, go with 3.

Now this is a rather simple design. Just 2 chimneys, 3 wreaths, a few trees, and a garland on the fence.

37. If you want to make a Christmas house with glitter, make sure the foliage matches. Gold house means gold trees.

Yes, I know there aren’t a lot of golden Christmas trees. Well, live ones anyway. Still, this is so pretty and sparkly.

38. When it comes to Christmas decorations, they really show up in beige.

Now the tree is so petite and little. The wreath looks quaint. And the cross is somewhat askew. But it looks rather lovely.

39. On Christmas houses, you can always find ways to make them sparkle.

These 3 houses have some shiny beads, fake gems, and glitter. They also have some snowflakes and jingles.

40. For Christmas villages, nothing brings the holiday spirit than tables and trains.

Now you see a lot of Christmas villages with toy trains. And like this one, they tend to be in circles. Still, this is a lovely display and really lights up.

41. A Christmas village church is never complete without a nativity scene.

How they managed to find a nativity scene that small I’ll never know. Nevertheless, most churches usually have a nativity scene in front this time of year. Like the star on the bell tower, too.

42. When it comes to decorating your Christmas village house, you can go all out if you care.

Now this house has so many decorations on here like tinsel, ornaments, trees, pearls, and a snowflake. Still, like the snow.

43. While many of these Christmas houses are in funky colors some look like any house on the street.

Not sure about the architecture on this one. Kind of looks lopsided to me. But I do like the decorations.

44. Sometimes a church tower is on top. Sometimes it’s on the side.

Now this is one of those Victorian pink shabby putz buildings. But I think it looks pretty with all the decor and cotton glitter snow.

45. You can always make a Christmas village lampost from paper, especially a Dickensian one like this.

Wouldn’t think this was made from paper. But it does look quite quaint. Almost put this one in my craft post but I didn’t think it was appropriate.

46. For a more rustic and simple Christmas village, best go with a colonial.

Now this looks like a Christmas village house that’s not too flashy. Like how they have the wreath and the snowman. Also the windows are cool, too.

47. Of course, some people want their homes to look their best for Santa.

Always has to be someone in the neighborhood who goes all out with the decorating. Luckily, Santa will just come in through the front door.

48. For some churches, a star on the tower has to stand out.

Yes, it has pink decorations. But you have to delight by how the star looks on the tallest tower. Wonder what’s in that present.

49. When you wish for a white Christmas, you can always add a snowflake on your home.

Yes, this is a bright blue winter wonderland house. And yes, there’s a snowflake on the front as well as tinsel at the borders.

50. When it comes to Christmas houses, they can be in as many colors as you like.

Now this one contains red, yellow, blue, and green. But it’s decorated by a wreath and some bottle brush Christmas trees. Like the snow here, too.

51. You may have heard of a Christmas house. But what about a Christmas barn?

Didn’t know people actually decorated their barns for Christmas. Then again, perhaps this barn is more of a public venue for special occasions than anything.

52. If you want a more old-fashioned Christmas, you might like this brownstone.

Seems like most of the snow is on the roof. And every front window has a wreath. Not sure if I like the color.

53. Now this is what I called a really fancy barn.

Yeah, Pinterest says it’s supposed to be a barn. Not sure if barns are supposed to look like that. I mean most I’ve seen don’t have towers.

54. Some homes have chimneys. Some don’t. But those that do, the chimney is usually made from brick.

Now while most chimneys are usually at the side, this one is at the front. And I see cotton is used for smoke. Like the snowman.

55. Some cottages have more elaborate trimmings than others.

Now this might be a little bigger than the other examples. But nevertheless, it has a large wooden ship weather vane and other elaborate stuff near the roof and windows. Tree’s a bit lopsided.

56. Nothing makes a better Christmas house than one of green.

Now a green house with red windows and doors is certainly a Christmasy house, indeed. Doesn’t hurt if it has some decorations.

57. You know that you’re in the North Pole if you see a lamp post like this.

This is another one I was considering for my Christmas craft post. But since it looks like a miniature, I put it in this one.

58. Sometimes smoke is cotton while other times it’s of something covered in glitter.

Now this one really has it all decked out for Christmas. The trees have ornaments and big stars. The roof is edged in tinsel. And there are figures in front.

59. Of course, for the low-income segment of your Christmas village, it doesn’t hurt to have a trailer.

Yeah, I don’t think the lawn ornament is to scale. But a Christmas village trailer is a truly unique idea if you think about it.

60. For any Christmas house, it’s best to go with decorations of green and red.

Now this is quite festive. Has lots of beads and bows. Doesn’t hurt if it has a golden reindeer outside, too.

61. You can tell this is a Christmas house since it has its own balcony.

Of course, if you just saw the tower, you’d think it was a church. No, it’s probably a house for someone of a higher tax bracket. Love the trees on this.

62. While you can decorate a Christmas house with wrapping paper, some can get very crazy with the colors and patterns.

Now this looks like Lady Gaga’s dream house. And it has gold Christmas decorations, too.

63. For a more rustic Christmas, a log cabin brings an old-fashioned touch.

And it doesn’t hurt that it’s accompanied by a sled you’d see on Citizen Kane and a truck reminiscent of 1930s gangster movies. Still. the logs seem kind of flat for some reason.

64. A small wooden church is quite simple yet rather sturdy.

Now this doesn’t have a lot of decorations other than a wreath, lights, nativity scene, and star. But it looks so pretty to say the least.

65. You can set up your Christmas village anywhere, even on a cart.

I think this is from a baking cart. But somehow it looks like the work of someone with way too much time on their hands. Also, those branches look quite big.

66. I suppose this one comes with a separate garage.

Then again, the buildings might be connected. Nevertheless it seems to have a lot of snow splotches on the roof. Like the fence decorations.

67. For a white Christmas, a white church always needs snow.

Now this mostly has snow on the roof and the steeple bell tower. Yet, it sure is pretty.

68. A simple house like this for the holiday season always has to be blue and pink.

Now this doesn’t look like a real house. But I do love it with how the top window resembles a snowflake. Like the trees, too.

69. Of course, when it comes to scale, some figures might be larger than some of the doorways.

Now the cat and the girl really don’t seem to fit through this house’s doorway. Yet, I do love the decor on this such as the tinsel and the wreath.

70. When it comes to Christmas churches, you can’t beat one of glittery blue.

Now this one has a picture taken by an angle. Yet, the only way you can tell it’s a Christmas decoration is how it’s surrounded by 2 bottle brush trees.

71. A bright Christmas house always is of yellow and pink.

Now this is a lovely house. Like the tinsel and tree decorations. Quite ingenious.

72. Nothing makes a Christmas cottage than being decorated in pearls.

Now this looks like a little girl’s dream and it’s quite cute. I really like the purple roof on this.

73. Now this blue Christmas house is sure to stick out for Santa.

I think this might be the biggest blue house in my post. Then again, the picture was taken at close range. Yet, I do like how the roof is covered in a glistening snow.

74. To bring some perk to your Christmas village, go with pink.

Now this includes a house, a church, and a gazebo. And yes, it’s all quite pretty and glittery as you can see. But I like it.

75. Now this Christmas trailer sure looks well decked for the holiday season.

This one has pearl and tinsel decorations. Also, seems like someone just got a Christmas tree. Wonder it will fit.

76. I call this one, “church on the rocks.”

Sort of looks like it’s right beside a mountain or forest. But it has some kind of elegance in simplicity to it for some reason.

77. No Christmas house could ever be more lovely when it is in purple.

Now this has some whimsy to it, especially with the Dr. Seusslike decorations. Still, I think it’s pretty.

78. Of course, a Christmas church always has to be surrounded by trees.

Yes, this has a lot of white trees nearby to make it seem less plain. But I do love the snow near the cross.

79. A pink glitter house always needs a tall smokestack.

Yes, this is another pink glitter house. And yes, it’s cute and adorable. But its smokestack is something that defies so much explanation.

80. Of course, you can’t have a Christmas village without a school house.

Not sure what I think about this building, Doesn’t seem to be bright red and perky. But I do like the trees.

81. Some people dream to have a white Christmas house like this.

As for me, I tend to wish for a white Christmas for once this year. Yet, whether there is, I have no way of knowing. Seriously, winter looks less crappy with snow.

82. Nothing makes a Christmas house better than a nice sloping roof for a change.

Now this is an interesting architectural design. But you have to like the facade on this one. Looks delightful.

83. A house of gold and white will always bring Christmas cheer.

The roof may be gold. But it has some degree of snow on it. Still, while these gold trees look stunning, real trees like that look dead.

84. A teal church like this is sure to stun anyone viewing your Christmas village.

And it’s complete with a nice cobblestone path. Like the matching Christmas trees, too. Wonder what those black things are.

85. Now a pearl on the face gives this house an ideal finishing touch.

This looks so quaint and cute in a baby blue. Like the present, wreath, and tree on this one, too.

86. Let me guess, I suppose this is what the candy store looks like.

Luckily this looks more of a candy cane place than a gingerbread home. So no witches with hot ovens for children here.

87. When it snows, you can always use some Christmas greenery.

Now the roof has garlands and the enclosure has trees with red ornaments. Not sure about the color since the brown doesn’t seem very appealing. The rest is fine.

88. For a Christmas village church, a simple red roof is all you need.

Now this one just has trees for Christmas to be in the spirit of the holiday season. However, it also has a gold bell in the tower. Love the glittery red roof.

89. A white church always has to have a silver roof of glitter.

Now this looks fairly realistic for a church in some picturesque New England village. Nevertheless, it’s quite lovely.

90. Looks like Santa is about to visit this green house with the silvery snow roof.

And it seems that Santa has 6 reindeer. Granted 9 might’ve been a bit too much. Still, I think the house is beautiful with silver snow and a green facade.

91. Of course, Christmas houses don’t always have to have a rustic or old fashion design.

This one has a more post WWII design. Not really into architecture after that period. But this looks quite Chirstmasy to say the least.

92. If you’re into more glass windows, perhaps a frame house may suit you.

Like I said, I’m not a big fan of modern architecture after 1945. But I’m sure the light will definitely shine through this one.

93. This house has some ample room to put the car under the port.

Yes, this is another modern house that looks 1950ish. The poles are of candy cane pattern. But it’s sure to have windows big enough for light.

94. If you like the 1950s, then you’ll love this butterfly ranch house.

Then another modern looking house from the Post War era. Love the color, but the style not so much. Really don’t dig into this type of architecture.

95. If you prefer the Renaissance, I’m sure this Christmas house will suit your fancy.

Now this is quite quaint. But to me, you don’t see a lot of houses like this unless it’s at a Renaissance festive. It’s more a European style.

96. Now this Christmas village seems like it’s all set on a mountainside.

Seems like a lovely village from the looks of it. Still, seems like it takes a hell of a long time to assemble. Yeah, someone has too much time on their hands.

97. This purple house is guaranteed to put you into the holiday spirit this Christmas.

Now this looks quite whimsical and I love the decorations. I also like the fact that it’s purple, too.

98. When it comes to Christmas churches, stained glass windows are must.

Now this one has a pink roof and bell. It also has stained glass windows in the front. Still, it’s quite lovely to say the least.

99. For Christmas you can’t go wrong with a house of candy canes and snowflakes.

Now this house is mostly red and white save for the wreath and trees. Still, love the bow on this since it makes look so charming.

100. Nothing makes a Christmas village better than a simple blue glitter house.

Yes, it’s a little house with a small Christmas wreath on the front door. Yes, it only has one window. Still, I find it adorable.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree at the Ugly Sweater Party (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 7, 2015

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Since my post on ugly Christmas sweaters garnered so much popularity last year and this year, I decided to go with another edition. Now this is me near the basement fireplace at my house with two Christmas stockings at hand. Here I am wearing a cute penguin fleece that says “Let It Snow!” which isn’t exactly ugly, a sweater, or even specifically for Christmas. But if I was invited to an ugly Christmas sweater party, it would be the kind of top I’d wear. But let’s just say I wouldn’t be the star attraction. That would take extra time and/or money for that, neither of which I have. So that means I’d just have to stick to being tasteful and cute. But plenty of people seem to as I’ve found on Google Images or Pinterest. And yes, the vast boundaries of tackiness are infinite which is why I made this and last year’s ugly Christmas sweater posts not safe for work. And some you have to wonder whether there are kids who’d be seeing such fashion atrocities. So without further adieu, I present some more moments of yuletide tackiness in all its Christmas glory.

To start things off, best to warn your loved ones not to stick their tongues out on metal in below freezing weather, even on a triple dog dare.

Yeah, that was very dumb but a very funny moment in the movie. But if I was that kid, I’d have the common sense not to bow to peer pressure.

2. On Christmas Eve, get tacky together with these footie pajamas.

Now this brings yuletide fashion horrors to the next level. But they sure do look comfy if you ask me. Wouldn’t want to be caught dead in them though.

3. I’m sure garlands and bulbs are bound to make anything look festive.

Now I wonder if this was made for a man or a woman. Probably a woman by the looks of it. I think the bulbs make it obvious.

4. Think wearing a Christmas tree is hard? Try wearing a fireplace.

Now I wonder if she has to stand like that all the time so all the stuff on her arms doesn’t fall off. Yeah, I think after a while, it’s bound to get pretty uncomfortable.

5. Of course, in any ugly Christmas party, children are usually required to get with the program.

I’m sure this little girl isn’t very happy with what she had to wear at her grandmother’s house. Yes, her mom worked so hard on it. But still, would you want to be seen in that?

6. Styrofoam and cotton balls are always great for snow.

However, I don’t know whether Frosty’s chest should be bigger than his rear end. You have to wonder whether he’s on some performance enhancement snow steroids to get a body like that.

7. When it comes to Christmas, you can’t go wrong with a tutu and green tights.

Now she’s certainly tacky in her gay apparel. And she’s gloating in it for the picture. Like the tinsel neckline and Christmas tree.

8. As far as couples go, she’s the elf and he’s the shelf.

And since she’s the elf, she has to be on his shoulders. Of course, he’ll have to take her down once in a while. Yeah, 100 pounds isn’t light as a feather.

9. Instead of wearing a Christmas sweater, perhaps try on a Christmas skirt.

I could imagine an elementary teacher wearing something like this on the day before school will be out for break. Still, it’s horrendously festive for the occasion.

10. Bundle up this holiday season with your very own Christmas tree hat and scarf.

Now this is the kind of winter gear you’d see at Whoville this time of year. Yes, it’s festive and Christmas appropriate. But would anyone want to be caught dead in that? I doubt it.

11. Of course, some guys see themselves this all the time.

Yes, his shirt may say he’s God’s gift to women. But does it mean he really is? You might want to check that out for yourself.

12. Nothing says Christmas than wearing a yarn Christmas wreath and a headband of Christmas tree antlers.

Not sure if that wreath was sewn in or not. I’m sure the shirt is a turtleneck, but the wreath looks like it’s hanging like a necklace.

13. Bring some winter into the Christmas season with this bright blue cardigan of a polar bear skiing.

Now this is more of a winter sweater than a Christmas one. And no, polar bears don’t bundle up or ski. But still, it’s pretty funny. And yes, this is a very tacky sweater.

14. As far as the Christmas season goes, it’s jingle bells and feel the joy.

However, if your ugly sweater party includes children, it’s better if you don’t wear sweaters like these. Yeah, you’ll probably get complaints from the parents.

15. Now this guy is sure decked up like a Christmas tree.

Now all he needs is a skirt and hat to go with that and he’s all set. Then again, he might want to just stick with the sweater.

16. If you love Frosty the Snowman, then you’ll love this dress.

Of course, not sure if she’ll be warm in the legs. Yeah, maybe she should get some white leg warmers with that.

17. Apparently someone doesn’t care much for fruitcake.

Seems like fruitcake is either the Christmas food people don’t like or the one they eat when consuming lots of booze. Well, that’s as far as I know about it.

18. You aren’t dressed for Christmas until you wear a Santa penguin vest.

Geographically speaking, Santa lives nowhere near penguins. However, this outfit is pretty horrific on so many levels. The penguins are cute though.

19. Of course, it’s not just humans who bask in the horrendous holiday fashion scene.

I don’t think Scruffy appreciates wearing a tacky sweater of a Christmas tree. Doesn’t want to be the laughingstock of the dog park. But his owners think it’s adorable.

20. Trim your ugly Christmas sweater this year with a red feather boa.

Yes, feather boas always seem to make everything look tackier. And this is no exception.

21. Bring in the spirit of the season in all its glory with this Christmas tutu.

Now this one has ornaments and lights on it. So you can be a horrendously tacky Christmas ballerina if you please.

22. Rock this holiday season in your very own Frosty the Snowman hat.

Now a top hat over a top hat. Wonder if it doesn’t hit the door when he goes out of the bathroom. Yeah, I’d watch it if I were him.

23. To go with your Christmas sweater this year, how about go with holiday hair.

I’m sure Effie Trinket has a wig just like this for the holiday season. Then again, I’m not sure they even celebrate Christmas in Panem. It’s certainly not mentioned.

24. Of course, it’s always Mrs. Claus who deals with Santa when he’s being naughty.

If you like Christmas and Fifty Shades of Grey, then this is the perfect sweater for you. However, I think dominatrix Mrs. Claus might be too inappropriate for small children.

25. Now that is one ugly ass Christmas sweater.

Even the sweater itself says this. And it even lights up. Still, I think parents of small children might have a problem with this. Just saying.

26. For footwear, it helps that your slippers are covered in bows.

Of course, bows like these usually have a decorative purpose only. But these shoes are sure festive at any holiday party.

27. For some you can’t say Christmas without including Sasquatch.

Yes, this is a Bigfoot Christmas sweater. No, I’m not sure if Bigfoot actually wears this (if he exists). But yes, it’s ridiculous.

28. Now I see why they call them, “ginger snaps.”

Seems like 2 gingerbread men got themselves decapitated. And I’m sure they aren’t going to like being dipped in milk.

29. Now you’ve heard of a Santa sweater. How about Santa on your sweater?

Okay, this Santa is pretty creepy to say the least. Also, he doesn’t even have a beard for Christ’s sake! Now that’s just holiday sacrilege.

30. This Christmas step out in your very own Reindeer stilettos.

You know if you want to wear ugly Christmas shoes, be my guest. However, I think you should at least aim for comfort and support. These are ridiculous.

31. If you and your friends are stuck in the frat house this Christmas, make sure your Christmas sweater comes with a funnel and tube.

Really? A funnel and tube with your Christmas sweater? And it doesn’t have sleeves? Guess that’s for the eggnog drinking contest.

32. Uh, Santa, I think you can use a shirt and some pants.

Well, at least this image of Santa was done in felt. Still, it’s pretty disturbing if you think about it. Seriously, nobody wants to see a naked Santa Claus.

33. Of course, if you don’t think it’s tacky enough, you can always add on to it.

Apparently somebody has been spending too much time at the sewing machine. But yeah, it looks like a really horrendous patchwork sewing job.

34. I call this one a, “Gropey Grinchmas Sweater.”

Because it looks like a woman’s sweater and it has Grinchy hands at the boob area. Yeah, Grinch is a perv.

35. Now this Santa sweater is sure to light up by the flick of a switch.

Is it just me, or does this jolly old Saint Nicholas look like he’s from the dark depths of Hell? I don’t know, he just kind of looks evil for some reason.

36. Stand out at Christmas with this tinsel and jingle neck tie.

Now that has to be the tackiest Christmas neck tie I’ve ever seen. Seriously, it makes those you see in the store look tame by comparison.

37. Of course, you’ll have to look in back to see if it’s a buck.

Yep, that’s a buck all right as far as I can tell. Now that’s just sick. Really sick. But I’m sure deer hunters will get a kick out of it.

38. If you liked the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer special, then you’ll like this Abominable Snowman sweater with lights.

Now I find this Abominable Snowman quite adorable to day the least. And I like the lights. But yeah, it’s pretty tacky.

39. For your legs, may I suggest a pair of ugly Christmas leggings?

Of course, they might just be tights or sweat pants for all I know. But yes, they’re very horrendous and tacky indeed.

40. Nevertheless, there could be only one snowman out there who could make Christmas great again (sarcasm).

Trumpy the Snowman, is a bonafide asshole/With hate-filled mouth and a large ego, and a toupee of orange mole./Trumpy the Snowman, is a stupid joke they say/ He is full of blow but hell if I know why can’t he just go away.

41. Of course, you can now wear a Christmas sweater that was inspired from the movie How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

However, unlike the one the Grinch wears in the movie, this one doesn’t light up. But it does jingle and jangle.

42. Like poinsettias? Now these slippers are for you.

Now these have green garlands, gold baubles, and red poinsettias. And yes, they sure look horrific as can be.

43. If you liked The Nightmare Before Christmas, you’ll like this Jack Skellington Christmas sweater.

And yes, it certainly lights up as you can see. Still, you really don’t want to get a Christmas present from Jack Skellington of Halloween town.

44. Those who might not care for Christmas much will certainly delight in this Grinch hoodie.

Now this is just clever. Like how his heart is 3 sizes too small. Also like the green garland.

45. Husband not too fond of his Christmas ties? Make a sweater with them.

Now you can sew on some ties and buttons on this turtleneck and wear it for Christmas. Yes, it’s tacky but tis the season for ugly Christmas sweaters.

46. This Christmas, take out the turkey and make it look festive for the season.

Now this one has some lights and Santa hats on the legs. Yes, it’s pretty tacky and ridiculous. But I think it’s also pretty funny.

47. If you live in Florida, I’m sure this flamingo cardigan would suit your fancy.

Then again, Florida isn’t known for having sweater weather. Still, it’s the kind of sweater I’d expect someone from Florida to own. Yes, it’s tacky.

48. If you liked “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” then you’ll like this sweater.

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Yeah, a song about Grandma getting run over by Santa’s sleigh is pretty funny. But a sweater of reindeer running over an old lady in a walker? Don’t know what to think about that.

49. Seems like Zombie Claus tends to rise from his grave with his sack on Christmas Eve.

Of course, you’d want to watch out for Zombie Claus. Because if you’re a kid who’s been bad, he’ll devour your brains. So be good for goodness sake.

50. Of course, I’m sure everyone has heard of the Christmas llama.

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Yes, it’s just a llama with a scarf on it. But still, llamas are pretty cool animals. And I think it’s pretty funny.

51. Don’t think a Christmas sweater is tacky enough? Then go with a Christmas jumpsuit.

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Now that’s one ugly jumpsuit. Certainly wouldn’t want to be caught dead wearing that. Yeah, quite horrendous.

52. Now these Christmas bootie slippers come with all the bows.

Yeah, someone actually made these from gift bows. And yes, they’re colorful. However, not sure if I could wear them around my house if you ask me.

53. When it comes to decorating Christmas sweaters, you can never have enough bows.

And this one seems to have a big one and a bunch of little ones. Oh, and it has some other decorations, too.

54. To go with those poinsettia slippers, I now give you a poinsettia sweater.

Though I love flowers, I’m not sure what to think about the poinsettia. Certainly don’t want to get one. Still, those flowers look like they’ve been stolen from somebody’s grave.

55. Oh, shit, Santa just got stuck in the chimney.

Of course, since he’s a fat guy in a red suit, you’d have to expect this. Still, would it hurt him to just go through the front door? I mean he obviously wouldn’t like going down to find a blazing hot fire.

56. For some pet owners, a Christmas sweater of their dog says so much.

I know some people are crazy about their pets. But a pug sweater with a poinsettia and tinsel wreath? C’mon. That’s ridiculous.

57. Those who love polar bears will love this polar bear tree sweater.

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Of course, it’s also available in adult size and for men. But yes, the bears are so cute. And the sweater is so tacky.

58. When it comes to Christmas dresses, you can never have too many ornaments.

Still, I don’t think it’s a dress you’d want to vacuum in. I mean it’s liable some of the ornaments can drop and break. Also, the noise.

59. Be in the holiday spirit this Christmas with this bauble headband.

Now this was mostly made of stuff you’d get at a craft store. But it’s a great addition to any tacky Christmas look you’re aiming for.

60. If you want to dress as a Christmas tree, you can’t go wrong with a tutu dress.

Now these two seem all decked in green tulle and shiny lights. They’re also wearing a star on their heads as well. Yes, it’s horrendous but they seem to enjoy themselves.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 6, 2015

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As you probably know by now, Christmas albums are what many recording artists are contractually obligated to do during their summer vacations. And yes, if you work in retail, you’ll have to deal with Christmas music for several hours straight that you’ll soon have all the songs stuck in your head. Let’s just say hearing the torture of Wham!’s “Last Christmas” one thing I don’t miss about working at Macy’s this holiday season. And let’s just say that after the holiday season, these Christmas albums will end up at some discount rack at Big Lots. Last year, I did a post on vintage Christmas album covers that many of you have taken to. So I decided to do another one since there are so many vintage album covers out there pertaining to Christmas. And yes, many of them are amusingly horrible beyond all description that you have to see for yourself. So without further adieu, here is a treasure trove of more vintage Christmas album covers for when you really need a break from hearing all the Christmas music in your head after a shopping trip.

Sesame Street: Merry Christmas

Uh, let’s just hope that Bert got tangled in the bead garlands by accident. But since people think they’re gay and Fifty Shades of Grey being a pop culture hit, this is probably one of the most unintentionally inappropriate children’s album covers of all time. I mean Grover and Cookie Monster now look understandably horrified at the moment.

Nothing beats a wholesome family Christmas like hearing your favorite yuletide carols while Ernie and Bert decorate their Christmas tree with Grover and Cookie Monster.

2. Jingle Cats: Merry Christmas

Good: Might help curb rodent infestations. Bad: Seriously, “Jingle Bells” is annoying as it is but do you really want to listen to cats meowing to it? Ugly: Might give your cat an inferiority complex.

Finally a Christmas album for the crazy cat fan that has felines singing 2o holiday classics.

3. Dean Martin: A Winter Romance

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I think Dino might have to watch out for the creepy blond woman who’s plotting to murder his girlfriend in a way that it would look like an accident. Yeah, let’s just say women like that would make a winter romance turn into a winter nightmare.

Nothing says Christmas like snow, skiing, and having a very creepy stalker obsession with Dean Martin.

4. The Joyful Sounds: Guide Me Lord

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As someone who’s seen Hairspray, I think these women have more chemicals in their hair than the whole cast put together. Wonder how long it took for these women to style their hair in the morning.

Celebrate the birth of our Lord with yuletide Christian music, modestly red and blue dresses with white collars and cuffs, and tons of hairspray.

5. Christmas at Our House

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think Uncle Charlie’s idea of playtime involves toy trains or toys of any other kind. I think it involves Uncle Charlie doing unspeakable things to Billy in the bathroom.

“C’mon, Billy, be a dear and spend time with your Uncle Charlie this Christmas. You only get to see him few times a year.”

6. Asleep at the Wheel: Merry Texas Christmas Y’all

I understand Asleep at the Wheel is the group’s name. But I’m not sure if it makes a great name to put on a Christmas album cover. It just brings to mind a car accident waiting to happen instead of good cheer. Also the armadillo is freaky.

In Texas, they tend to celebrate Christmas a little differently with decorations like armadillos, cowboy boots, cacti, and longhorn skulls.

7. Christmas at the Devil’s House

“Santa, ramp up your amp and play your guitar hard./’Cause Hell’s broke loose in North Pole and the Devil deals the cards./And if you win you get this shiny guitar made of gold,/But if you lose the devil gets your soul……”

When the Devil went down to Georgia, he challenged Johnny to the fiddle duel. When Santa went to hell, they dueled with electric guitars.

8. Rusty Diamonds: Rusty Diamonds Vol. 4 X-mas Project

Now I’m not sure what to make of pose. I mean her nipples are showing and you can almost see her crotch. That ain’t right.

Of course, sex sells in the music industry. So during the Christmas season having a cover of a girl in a Santa hat and spandex helps.

9. Charo: (Mamacita) ¿Donde Esta Santa Claus?

Wonder how Charo managed to survive winter without losing her legs. Seriously, high red stockings will not keep you warm below freezing temperatures.

When looking at this my question to Charo is “¿Donde esta su pantalones? ¡Esta frio, su pendejo!”

10. Michele Richard: Noel

Seems like Santa Claus really isn’t enjoying being hugged in this photo op. But he just didn’t have the courage to say, no, no, no.

While Santa may delight having children sit on his lap, this isn’t always the case with teens and adults.

11. Dj Scream Kickstand: Santa Claus: Toys, Trees, and Snow

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Now I see nothing wrong with a gangta rap Christmas album. And I don’t see anything wrong with a black Santa either. However, seeing Santa wielding an AK-47 is just plain wrong.

Because nothing says “Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men” like Santa Claus wearing a bandanna and sunglasses while wielding an AK-47.

12. Celtic Woman: Home for Christmas

Of course, when designing Celtic Woman’s Christmas album, it’s said that Lisa Frank’s dog got loose and took a giant dump all over it. They were never able to clean up the mess.

Now I can’t decide whether this album design is supposed to be a Christmas tree or a technicolor turd.

13. NORAD Tracks Santa

Of course, if you want to track Santa on Christmas Eve, maybe it’s better to listen to NORAD on the radio. Why get Santa news reports from a record anyway? Kind of freaky if you think about it.

Finally, an album tracking Santa’s movements from the North Pole on Christmas Eve.

14. Merry Music for Christmas

While Cindy and Randy played like sports during the photo shoot, Janie wanted none of that. Of course, they had to go with the best photo in the bunch.

Apparently one of these kids would like to offer a second opinion.

15. Adventures in Carols

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Not sure if that rocket’s going to hold all the toys, Danta. Also, what’s with the other Santas at the launch site? Or are they elves? I don’t know.

This year, instead of a sleigh, Santa will deliver all the toys to kids from a rocket that’s launched from a large anti-aircraft gun.

16. Mickey Rooney: Merry, Merry Micklemas

Looking at him like this, I find it hard to believe this guy was a huge star in his prime as well as married 8 times. One of these was Ava Gardner out of all people. Vanity Fair said he’s “the original Hollywood trainwreck.”

Nothing beats Christmas than seeing and old Mickey Rooney in a Santa beard and long underwear.

17. Sufjan Stevens and Friends: Let It Snow!: Songs for Christmas Vol. 9

For God’s sake, who the hell thought this would make a great idea for a Christmas album cover? This is just totally sick. Hopefully, this album came out before the Jerry Sandusky scandal at Penn State. But I may be wrong.

Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a boy taking a steaming hot shower.

18. Nina and Frederik: Christmas at Home with Nina and Frederik

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From The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit: “From the looks of Frederik, there’s only one of four things he wants to do this Christmas. 1. Sex you up. 2. Chop you into little pieces. 3. Sex you up and then chop you into little pieces. 4. Chop you into little pieces and then sex you up.” Why doesn’t he just make it convenient and get a woodchipper like in Fargo? Oh, sorry about that, Steve Buschemi.

When it comes to the holidays, Nina and Frederik prefer to spend Christmas at their peaceful cabin in the woods.

19. Stan and Doug: Yust Go Nuts on Christmas

From Cracked: “Ah, nothing says Christmas like a cross-dressing, possibly mentally challenged man fighting Santa over an ugly doll. It’s just like in that classic Christmas carol, ‘I Saw Mommy Try to Stop Daddy from Wearing Her Dresses and Cold-Cocking Santa.'” Don’t ask me, I wasn’t consulted.

Okay, not sure if I want to know what that guy in the little boy get up is doing to that doll. Or why Santa is touching it.

20. Dear Santa Let’s Disco

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I pray to God that this girl is at least 18. Because from her eyes, I don’t think she just wants to disco with Santa. Also, why would anyone want to disco with Santa?

Nothing says Christmas in the Disco Era like a supposedly teenage girl erotically licking a candy cane.

21. Christopher Bowes: Christmas at the Organ

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From Chudbeaglemusic Blog: “Think of it ladies-an evening of Mr. Bowes regaling us on his male organ and drinking his drugged wine, waiting to open the gifts of boxed-up body parts under the tree. Happy holidays!” I’ll pass, thank you very much. Seriously, I don’t want to drink with this guy.

There’s nothing more romantic at Christmas than spending a night near the tree drinking wine with a guy who might resemble a potential date rapist or serial killer.

22. Paul Holt: Fifty Grand for Christmas

Then again, he probably wishes he had 50 grand for Christmas. But with this album cover, he probably should’ve went with “I’ll Be Broke for Christmas.”

Of course, this guy wished he had 50 grand for Christmas. But he had to settle for a cheap album cover with some cheap ass hookers.

23. Dennis Day: Dennis Day Sings Christmas Is for Family

Of course, Jack Benny played the violin badly as part of his comic routine. However, I don’t think his comedy translates well when he’s in a Santa suit. Also, I think the kids are more anxious about opening presents than Jack Benny anyway.

Yes, kiddos, enjoy Christmas morning in your jammies with a private violin recital by the great Jack Benny in a Santa suit. Fun for the whole family.

24. Carol Channing: The Year Without a Santa Claus

Yes, that’s Carol Channing. Yes, she’s a famous celebrity. No, I don’t think she made a lot of horror movies. Yeah, I do think her face is bound to give little children nightmares.

From looking at this cover, I’m wondering if The Year Without a Santa Claus is a horror story.

25. The New Christy Minstrels: Christmas with the Christies

Yeah, decorate your hair with ornaments and lights. Of course, you’d have to walk slow so the baubles won’t fall off. And you can’t walk too far from the electrical outlet those lights are plugged in.

For festive holiday hair this Christmas, find a style you can decorate like a Christmas tree.

26. Fats Domino: Christmas Is a Special Day

That poor pooch probably doesn’t care for photo ops. Or maybe Fats Domino Christmas music. Wonder why it looks so blase. What a way to ruin a picture.

Yes, Christmas is a special day, indeed. But for Fats’s bichon frise, it doesn’t seem a happy one.

27. Mickey Gilley: Christmas at Gilley’s

Uh, Santa, I don’t think it’s a good idea to drive a magic reindeer pulled sleigh while under the influence. I mean this is how some kids get the wrong toys.

When Santa comes to the Gilleys, he always likes to raise a bottle of Texas booze while the country music’s playing.

28. Stan Freberg: Green Christmas and the Meaning of Christmas

I think this is supposed to be a satire on Christmas commercialism, consumerism, and materialism. And from how I see his face, he kind of looks pretty depressed about it.

Of course, his idea of a “green” Christmas has more to do with the Benjamins than with saving the environment.

29. Gunther & the Sunshine Girls: Christmas Song (Ding Dong)

From Chudbeaglemusic Blog: “I’m thinking our friend Gunther gets his “ding dong” licked by that poor, wretched dog each night. That ‘stache and Gunther’s pouty lips make me want to cancel Christmas.”

Okay, is that a guy or a woman in drag? I can’t really tell.

30. The Mastertone Orchestra: A Singer Christmas for the Family

This boy seems like: “A sewing machine? What kind of lame ass gift is that? Why couldn’t you let me unwrap a Roughrider BB gun that I asked for?”

Because nothing excites the family on Christmas morning more than a new Singer sewing machine.

31. Archie Wood and his Friends: Christmas Album

Okay that castle looks fairly run down. Not sure what to make out about the dogs. But I have to admit, that dummy is just completely terrifying if you ask me.

Think of this bunch as a mashup of Mister Rogers Neighborhood and your worst childhood nightmares.

32. Muzak: Stimulus Progression No. 3 Christmas

Heard they play this kind of music at Guatanamo Bay and in customer service departments. Let’s just say that Muzak is what they play on occasions like enhanced interrogations, when you’re on hold, or to drive away some unruly teens from loitering.

Because nothing makes Christmas better than hearing your favorite yuletide carols in the form of elevator music.

33. Perry Como: The Perry Como Christmas Album

Now my grandma is a huge fan of this guy. Still, with a voice like his and tons of fan girls, they should’ve been able to come up with a better design than some creepy photoshop like this.

Celebrate Christmas by listening to music coming from Perry Como’s disembodied head on a Christmas wreath.

34. Ray Charles: The Spirit of Christmas

Look, Ray Charles is a musical legend and a great singer and musician. Love his music and love Ray. However, this is not the kind of guy who should be driving a one horse open sleigh. Seriously, the guy’s blind as a bat. Not to mention, he wasn’t quite sober and clean.

If you think Perry Como’s head on wreath was creepy, you should see Ray Charles driving a sleigh.

35. Jimmy Pelham: Santa! Watch Your Claws

And it seems like Mommy and Santa are about to be getting into the nasty. Yes, Santa is a pervert and a very naughty boy.

If you think seeing mommy kissing Santa Claus was traumatizing, how about seeing mommy sitting on Santa’s lap?

36. Harry Secombe: Christmas Cheer

You know the creepy uncle you only see on holidays? You know the one who travels around in a windowless van your parents won’t let you in? Well, he released a Christmas album.

Because Santa Claus isn’t the only fat guy around who likes children around him. But at least Harry Secombe doesn’t need to sneak into their houses.

37. Six Million Dollar Man: Christmas Adventures

From The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit: “I thought the Six Million Dollar Man was supposed to be a good guy? Based on this cover, it seems as if he’s killed Santa, put on his costume, and jettisoned St. Nick’s corpse into space on board a rocket. Man, that’s effed up. Jolly ol’ Steve Austin looks like he’s getting some kind of sick thrill from the whole thing – check out that demonic smirk. Later, Austin uses his bionic powers to crush the Elves’ Revolt. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard the sound of an elf’s windpipe being crushed in slo-mo.”

Spend the holiday season listening to 4 exciting adventures from the Six Million Dollar Man.

38. Ben Best: Happy Christmas Party: The Best of Ben Best

I don’t think Ben Best looks like this and I have no idea who that guy is. Still, why the designer had to resort to the most uncreative gimmick to sell this album is beyond me. Yeah, let’s hope she gets some clothes for Christmas.

Of course, you can’t have a Christmas party without a naked girl surrounded by presents.

39. AC/DC: Mistress for Christmas

Now that’s no way to treat a lady. Looks like Bon Scott has basically kidnapped her and now he’s probably in very deep shit. Yeah, he has a weird look in his face.

Uh, Bon Scott, I don’t think you get a mistress for Christmas by grabbing some lady in a Santa dress by the legs.

40. Bootsy Collins: Christmas Is 4 Ever

Yes, marvel at Bootsy’s wonderful divine powers at his celestial creation of a big ass star. Yeah, his Christmas town is sure shining tonight.

Of course, Christmas is forever, as far as I know since Bootsy Collins is an overlord and deity of a snow globe Christmas town.

41. Indo G: Christmas N’ Memphis: Christmas Will Never Be the Same

I don’t know about you. But robbing a bank is very naughty, Santa Claus. And it can lead to a long prison sentence. You don’t want to go there.

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” and “Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men” than the sight of Santa Claus being held by guns for robbing a bank.

42. The Carolleers: Favorite Christmas Carols

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I don’t know about you. But something tells me that Johnny’s new girlfriend Jenny might be a vampire. I don’t know why, just look at her eyes and teeth. Not that it’s none of my business.

Yes, nothing warms your heart on Christmas than having strangers show up at your door and sing annoying songs to you.

43. Andre Kostelanetz and his Orchestra: Nutcracker Suite

From Cracked: “Why is a wolf-tiger hybrid groping its own tail while it plots to eat that girl? Why is a clown head sitting in a bush? Was the clown decapitated? If so, why’d he die with such a smile on his face? What part of the Nutcracker Suite was that in? Is that a log next to the clown head, or a slowly decomposing alligator? Why isn’t the cold preserving its corpse? Has there always been this much snow in hell? So many questions.” Yes, this is a cover that’s bound to give any child nightmares. And the ballet was pretty creepy, too.

Of course, I couldn’t do a Christmas album post this year without including Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker Suite.

44. The Rhodes Kids: Rock n’ Rhodes Christmas

From Chudbeaglemusic Blog: “It has been said the studio sessions for The Rhodes Kids were fraught with debauchery of cocaine binges, physical fights, sexual attacks on stuffed animals and worse yet…those ghastly outfits. The Rhodes Kids currently have a massive following in Fiji and still tour there.”

Seems like the Rhodes Kids have been good enough this year for a personal visit from Santa Claus himself.

45. Cee Lo Green: Cee Lo’s Magic Moment

Now this is just so ridiculous like that Chess King vintage ad from the 1980s. But man, it’s sure a purple yuletide dream or nightmare.

While Santa has his sleigh and reindeer, Cee Lo has his flying sports car pulled by majestic and magical white horses.

46. Silver Sounds of Christmas

Now I heard they used this bird in a movie called The Snowbird Before Christmas. It was a slasher horror movie. And yes, this guy was the one killing everyone on Christmas Eve.

Hear the silver sounds of Christmas and freak out your child with an album of a scary Santa bird on the cover.

47. Sherwin Linton: Christmas Memories

Kids, you might not like getting clothes for Christmas. But if you do, you will never look as tacky as this guy. Yes, the 1970s weren’t the best decade for fashion.

Yes, nothing’s better on Christmas morning than sitting down with your pair of pink platform shoes and a horrendously ugly sweater.

48. Sy Mann: Switched on Santa

Still, I was expecting Santa to have access to state of the art technology most intelligence agencies operate on. This makes me a bit disappointed. Oh wait, that’s a synthesizer, dammit. Yeah, those can be quite annoying.

So that’s how Santa spies on kids to know whether they’re bad or good. So you better be good for goodness sake.

49. Jeri Kelly: Poor Ole’ Santa Claus

I don’t know about you. But I really have a bad feeling about that girl seeing Santa in his underwear and a present behind his back.

Poor Santa. Someone stole his suit and now he has nothing on but long underwear.

50. Yuletide Disco

I’m sure wearing garlands of tinsel might not cover you up for long. And I’m sure it’s not comfortable to wear. Also, looks incredibly ridiculous. Just saying.

Because, ladies, Christmastime is a time of year when you put on the tight pants and tinsel and boogie.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen on These Christmas Treats (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 3, 2015

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Last year I did a post on Christmas food which was a big success last Christmas season and even got more views this November. So I decided to do another Christmas food post this year for those wanting more. Now while last year’s opening had a turkey, this year has a ham. As we all know, because Thanksgiving and Christmas are big holidays with a higher food consumption than usual, going on a diet this holiday season is usually a very bad idea. Now while there are plenty of food items associated with Christmas, I’m mostly going to focus on items that resemble things familiar with the holiday. So while ham and turkey may be Christmas entrees, neither will be in this post unless I see a ham or turkey with Santa’s face on it. This is just an example. So yeah, it’s all about the aesthetics here as with most holiday treat posts I’ve done. And yes, expect a lot of appetizers and desserts. So for your reading pleasure, here are some more Christmas treats for you to ogle during this holiday season.

For some Mexican flair in the appetizer platter, you can’t go wrong with some Mexican Christmas tree dip.

Now this contains red and green peppers, olives, and cheese. Still, this is the kind of tree well suited for your nachos.

2. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like reindeer cupcakes.

Then again, it’s fairly possible that Santa’s sleigh team would consist of females and young males. I mean older male reindeer usually shed their antlers by December. Of course, it’s possible they can all be girls with rather masculine names.

3. You’ve heard of a gingerbread house. But have you heard of a pretzel log cabin?

Yes, these are log cabins made from pretzel sticks with icing and other candies. However, it seems like these two houses only share one outhouse for some reason.

4. Bring the spirit of Christmas to your dessert platter with these Reese’s chocolate Christmas trees.

Now these are made from Hershey’s kisses and Reese’s cups. And they’re all covered in white icing and sprinkles to resemble snow.

5. This Christmas, bring the holiday spirit into your home with some Christmas wreath bruschetta.

Now this looks quite charming and can also be called “Christmas Wreath Veggie Pizza.” Yet, they had to use icing on the bow.

6. During this holiday season, wake up for some Santa pancakes.

Now this uses mini marshmallows, jelly, and M&Ms. However, it’s probably more healthier than anything you’d get at IHOP.

7. If you’re celebrating Christmas in Japan, go with a sushi Christmas tree.

Still, while I don’t mean to criticize Japanese eating habits, I have to admit sushi is far more healthier than what most Japanese eat on Christmas. You know, a bucket of Colonel Sanders’ Kentucky Fried Coronaries. Seriously, KFC food is finger lickin’ lethal.

8. Nothing makes a better Christmas cherry pie than one shaped like a candy cane.

And the best part is, it’s much easier to slice than a regular circle one. Still, that’s pretty clever if you think about it.

9. Grace your appetizer platter this Christmas with a veggie Christmas tree.

Talk about stacking up veggies like a tree. Of course, it mostly consists of broccoli for the foliage.

10. Then again, perhaps you might prefer a veggie platter with some lettuce.

Now this is a more organized Christmas tree with each veggie in a straight line. And this one is much greener as well.

11. For you fruit lovers out there, there is an edible Christmas tree for you, too.

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Now this contains strawberries, grapes, cantaloupe, and starfruit. And yes, it’s in Christmas tree form for your yuletide fruit salad delight.

12. Nothing makes a better dip this season than Christmas tree cream cheese.

Of course, it’s not green as you might see it. And it’s covered in chives and sauce. But it’s pretty clever.

13. Nothing makes a meat lover’s Christmas complete than a Christmas wreath kielbasa.

Now this contains yellow, red, and green bell peppers, olives, and some bread dough. It’s not necessarily green but it’ll do.

14. Make the most of this winter holiday season with these marshmallow snowman cookies.

For some reason, these tend to look like little snowman cowboys to me. Like the fruit roll-up scarves.

15. For healthier options, you can always go with strawberry Santas.

Now these have a strawberry suit, whipped cream faces, and chocolate chip eyes. Nevertheless, they’re adorable.

16. For your dessert platter, these Christmas tree brownies are sure to be a real treat.

Now I loved how they used sprinkles for the decoration. Nevertheless, these are simply charming and cute. Besides, who doesn’t love brownies?

17. Of course, you can’t go wrong with a chocolate Christmas tree either.

Now this consists of chocolate, icing, and small tiny cookies to use as ornaments and a star. Still, I’d eat this right up if it was in front of me.

18. At your ugly Christmas sweater party, it would be most appropriate if you go with an ugly Christmas sweater cupcake cake.

And this one is trimmed with mini marshmallows and covered in Christmas lights. Whoever thought up this must be brilliant.

19. Be a healthy angel this holiday season with this breaded Christmas angel.

Then again, it’s probably a sandwich. But it seems to cover an astonishingly small amount of space on the plate.

20. Of course, you’ve heard of “Silver Bells.” Well, have you heard of cheesy green Christmas bells?

Now other than cheese and some veggies, I’m not sure what else is in these bells. Still, it’s pretty clever when you think about it.

21. Watch the iconic Christmas special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with cupcakes of Rudolph and Clarice.

Of course, I personally thought that Rudolph and Herman should’ve remained at the Island of Misfit Toys. Seriously, Santa in that special was a real jerk. So was Rudolph’s dad.

22. Grace your holiday appetizer platter this year with these Christmas tree hard boiled eggs.

Man, they seem to have hard boiled eggs for almost every occasion. Still, I wonder how they got the eggs in that Christmas tree shape.

23. Treat yourselves this Christmas to some Christmas tree Rice Krispie treats.

Now these trees seem to be decorated with those cinnamon candies and specks of peppermint. Also like how they used the green icing.

24. Treat your kids this Christmas with these Santa hat cake pops.

Now these are so clever. Nevertheless, it’s possible that these might be strawberry pops, but I doubt it.

25. For a healthy Christmas lunch, you can’t go wrong with a pea pod Christmas tree.

Now this includes an American cheese star and a pretzel stick trunk. Still, it’s quite cute.

26. When it comes to Christmas tree brownies, you can decorate them however you like.

You can use some sugar and sprinkles. And you can decorate one with the red cinnamon candies. Nevertheless, it helps if you include candy cane handles.

27. Make your dessert platter a winter wonderland with these snowflake and Christmas tree cupcakes.

Now these look professionally made. Not sure if some of the decorations are edible. But they look magnificent. Like the snowflake Christmas tree.

28. Ever seen those Christmas villages? Well, here’s a Christmas village cake.

Now these might be rather simple houses near a cookie tree. But I really think this is pretty adorable and clever if you ask me. Love the icing on the houses.

29. For Christmas cookies, nothing beats candy canes.

I think my mom made these when I was a kid. Yeah, I might remember these. Yet, this is a great cookie idea.

30. Bring in the festive Christmas spirit with some Christmas tree Rice Krispie treats.

Yeah, I had Rice Krispie Christmas trees on this post earlier. But these are coned shaped, green, and 3 dimensional. Love the decorations on this though.

31. Grace your Christmas dessert platter with a large gingerbread village cake.

Now this has to be professionally done or by a repressed art major. But you have to admire how lovely these gingerbread houses are.

32. For your dessert platter, nothing makes a better centerpiece than a cupcake Christmas wreath.

Now this one comprises of cupcakes you can tear away from the original arrangement. But yes, this is cute.

33. Bring in the true Christmas spirit to your holiday party with these cupcakes.

Yes, these are professionally made as you can tell by the decorations. But I think they’re quite cute despite having a lot of icing.

34. For lunch this Christmas season, your kids will certainly love a Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer PB & J.

Just cut a piece of bread in the shape of a heart and attach pretzels as antlers. Still, I think whole wheat might be better since it’s darker and healthier than white.

35. Now you know candy canes. But have you ever seen some candy cane Christmas trees?

These are manufactured since they’re still in the wrapper. Still, you have to like these and think it’s a clever treat idea.

36. For dessert, you can’t go wrong with Rice Krispie treat ornaments.

Now these are just in balls with a wrapped Rolo on top. Not sure what to think about caramel Rolos though. Wish they had more chocolate and less filling.

37. While mice are certainly a nuisance that should die this holiday season, these Christmas mice cookies should be a delight.

Now these mice are made out of chocolate with almond slice earrings and little red eyes. Still, they’re cute and won’t eat your food.

38. Wake up Christmas morning to some Christmas tree cinnamon rolls.

Yes, I had a cinnamon roll Christmas tree in my last Christmas treat post. But this one has stars and I think it’s lovely.

39. Greet this winter during the holiday season with some peppermint snowflake bark.

Now I’m sure the peppermint part of it comes from mashed candy canes. Snowflakes are also carved from a mold.

40. No kind of bread fully encapsulates the holiday spirit than some braided Nutella Christmas tree bread.

Now this is just wonderful. Man, that bread must really taste so good. Really want to bite off a piece of this.

41. For your Christmas lunch, nothing beats a Christmas tree pizza.

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Now this is only a slice. But toppings are leaves, popcorn, and peppers. Also has a tree stand crust.

42. Celebrate the Christmas season this year with this Christmas tree cake.

Who knew that you can make such an elegant Christmas tree with frosting. And yes, it’s quite stunning.

43. This Christmas your kids will certainly love a sandwich of Santa’s little helper.

Includes cheese for hair and a cucumber for a hat. Still, I think the cucumber might be proportionally larger than the head for some reason. I’m not sure why.

44. Bring the spirit of the holiday season to your appetizer platter with this candy cane cheese dip.

Contains cheese and peppers for the red stripes. Might need a mold and a big dish. Wonder how long this one is.

45. For a holiday fruit snack, may I suggest a Grinchy pear?

Includes a strawberry Santa hat, which I think is a little too small for the pear head. Still, it’s pretty clever if I do say so myself.

46. This Christmas, hope your kids can help themselves to some Santa gouda cheese.

Unlike some of the treats on here, the decorative parts aren’t exactly edible. Nevertheless, I do think it’s cute to put little belts over the wax cover.

47. If you have a round dish, then I don’t see anything wrong with an ornament veggie tray at your Christmas party.

Now this consists of baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, and cucumber slices. And they’re all arranged in neat rows for your guests’ convenience.

48. Now wouldn’t you say Christmas is so right for Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer brownie bites?

Basically these are round brownies with pretzel antlers on them. Well, partial antlers on them. But they’re cute that your kids will love them.

49. When it comes to Christmas treats for kids, you can’t go wrong with cereal bar sleighs with candy cane blades.

If it weren’t for the gummy bears in the sack, I would’ve mistaken these for tank. Still, like the candy cane blades on them.

50. Prank your naughty friends this year with some lump of coal candy.

Wonder if anyone would look at this and think it’s the real thing. It’s just candy so don’t use it as fuel for your fireplace. But yeah, it looks real.

51. This Christmas, spread some seasonal cheer on your appetizer platter with this Christmas tree cheese ball.

Now this is covered in parsley, peppers, and almonds. Still, not sure if it’s grand enough to be a centerpiece in the cracker tray.

52. Bring the snowy spirit of Christmas this holiday season with some snowflake cookies.

Yes, I love purple and I do think these snowflake cookies are beautiful. Nevertheless, I think they’re professionally made according to the design, at least.

53. For your dessert platter, you can’t get any jollier than these Santa hat cupcakes.

Yes, they look a bit like Santa hat cake pops except that they’re bigger. But they are pretty cute if you ask me.

54. Celebrate this Christmas on your appetizer platter with some Grinch guacamole for your nachos.

Really seems to resemble the guy if you ask me. I especially like his frowning expression with the olive eyes. Yes, quite amusing.

55. For a healthy fruit snack, you can’t go wrong with an apple Christmas tree.

And it has a cheese star, a pretzel stick stump, and raisin decorations. Of course, the raisins might run the risk of being mistaken for chocolate chips.

56. For Christmas dinner, help yourself to some Santa bread.

Now this bread has all the features of Santa including the hat, nose, and beard. Guess this was made by some repressed art major.

57. This Christmas, treat your kids to a healthy treat of apple snowman.

Yes, this is an apple made snowman. No, it’s not quite white. But then again, no snowman is anyway since a lot of snowmen have grime.

58. For Christmas lunch, help yourself to some Christmas tree pita pizza.

Contains peppers and a green sauce on some pita bread. Pretzel sticks are used as stumps. Then again, not sure what the green stuff is.

59. This Christmas, make your candy canes better by dipping them in chocolate.

Man, candy canes can be used for so much pertaining to decorating and cooking. Isn’t there something you can’t use them for this holiday season? Well, maybe.

60. Why stick with just one cheeseball when you can make a snowman with 3?

Yes, I have quite a few cheese ball stuff on this post. But hey, if they look like something that pertains to Christmas, it’ll go on this post. Besides, this is just fairly clever to say the least.

61. Make your Christmas party a hit with these Santa cake pops.

Now these Santas certainly look jolly and adorable. And I’m sure they won’t freak out the kids. Love them.

62. Now this penguin Christmas cake is sure to make your holiday season an adorable one.

Of course, penguins don’t live in the North Pole or an area with igloos or evergreen trees. But they’re so adorable in their Santa hats that you’ll overlook these things.

63. For your Christmas lunch have your kids feast their eyes on these snowmen sandwiches.

Now they have bugle hats and even some cheesy Christmas mice joining them. Nevertheless, they’re so cute.

64. Make your holiday party festive with your very own Christmas taco tree.

Now this has tacos laid out in a Christmas tree fashion. And with some cheese on the top. Whoever thought of this was a genius.

65. Grace your appetizer platter this Christmas with a Christmas cheese wreath.

Yes, this is another cheese dip confection. And yes, it doesn’t look quite like a green wreath. But it’s a great dip arrangement nevertheless.

66. For the holiday season, string cheese snowman is surely a treat that can’t be beat.

Of course, you can’t eat the attributes on the packaging. But still, you have to admit this is pretty creative.

67. On cold winter days during the season, you can’t go wrong with some marshmallow and candy cane snowmen.

And yes, they have M&M buttons and Twizzler scarves. Oh, and their hats are made from Hershey’s kisses. Still, these are adorable.

68. Nothing makes a better Christmas treat this year than a chocolate covered Christmas tree pretzel.

Now these have some pretzel sticks on them to bring out the tree design. Nevertheless, I think they’re pretty neat and sure look tasty.

69. Now these Santa cupcakes are sure to make anyone say “Ho, Ho, Ho.”

Now these have Santa’s features in icing. Of course, eating too many might put you at an increased risk of Type II Diabetes, if you’re not careful.

70. Wake up on Christmas morning to none other than some Christmas tree waffles.

Now this one is decorated with cantaloupe, raspberries, and blueberries. Nevertheless, it’s still much healthier than what you’d get at IHOP. And it’s less depressing than whatever you’d see on Christmas at the Waffle House.

71. For your fruit salad platter, it doesn’t hurt if you use a real watermelon snowman.

Of course, watermelons aren’t in season this time of year, so you’ll have to go with a store bought one. Also, snowmen aren’t green which might confuse the kiddies.

72. Reminisce about Christmas in the olden days with these Christmas vintage card cookies.

Once again, these are professionally made. Still, I wonder if any of these cookies depict some creepy kids or deranged Santas. Really would like to see that.

73. For a fruity Christmas dessert, you can’t go wrong with a Christmas wreath pavlova.

From how I see it, it’s a cake that’s covered with fruit on top. Other than that, I’m not sure what a pavlova is. Perhaps it’s another variation of fruitcake.

74. Grace your dessert platter this Christmas with a chocolate covered Oreo Christmas tree.

Now how this person managed to put so many Oreos on a stick I’ll never know. Still, love the lights on it.

75. Nothing says Christmas like these 12 Days of Christmas cake.

Now this was surely professionally made since nobody would be able to make a cake with that many layers. Love seeing Animal on the bottom. Still, I wonder how they carry this thing.

76. Wake up in these cold holiday mornings to some snowman donuts.

Of course, they had candy corn for noses which is basically inedible sugar wax most people wouldn’t think of eating on Halloween, let alone Christmas. Still, the chocolate chips to represent the eyes and mouth certainly are, if you aren’t a dog.

77. Savor the holiday season this year with these Christmas tree jello shots.

Of course, these probably contain alcohol just so to warn you. And no, these aren’t for anyone under 21. Still, like how they arranged these cups into a Christmas tree.

78. Uh-oh, it seems that Santa was too fat for this cake.

Yeah, maybe Santa should either go on a diet or hit the gym. Nevertheless, I think this s a fairly amusing cake. Like the reindeer, too.

79. Celebrate the holiday season this year with some Christmas tree lasagna.

And yes, the Christmas tree is made of all kinds of bell peppers. Still, never thought I’d see something like this. I was expecting something like Christmas tree pizza.

80. Your Christmas dessert platter is never complete without a Christmas wreath cake.

Now this is professionally made as you see with the detail. Still, you have to love the wreath design and the red ribbon on this. Very in tune with the Christmas season.

Deck the Halls with These Christmas Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 1, 2015

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Yes, it’s that time of year again when people start putting up their Christmas decorations. You have the tree, the lights, the nativity scenes, the wreaths, the stockings, and what not. And all not only to make your home a source for holiday cheer and delight, but also to be the envy of your neighbors. Of course, most people tend to buy certain decorations at the local store. But for a long time many people just simply made their own since it’s cheaper and it reuses old stuff lying around the house. Also, most schoolkids usually create at least one Christmas creation in art class. The one I remember most was of a nutcracker soldier I made in fifth grade but a bit of the shiny paper folded while it was being laminated. Nevertheless, my parents still hang it up on the back of the front door. Still, you can see plenty of yuletide craft projects on Pinterest as you might be aware of. But while many people see Christmas craft projects as kids’ stuff, Pinterest will make you beg to differ and I didn’t have to look far and wide to tell you so. Believe me, I didn’t have to look very hard and it’s pretty difficult for me to know which decorations to put on and which to leave out. So for your reading pleasure, I present you some of the wide multitude of Christmas craft projects you might find charming for your Christmas home.

Grace your front door with this festive candy cane decoration.

Yes, it might look straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. But I’m sure you and your family will love it.

2. Snowflakes always show up well if they’re made of wood and covered in lights.

Now these were created from pallet wood like you’d see from old crates. Of course, with a little assembly and white paint, they are pure Christmas magic when hung outside with the lights.

3. For only a nickel, you can buy a snowball from this snowman.

Okay, not really because most people either can make their own snowballs for free or don’t have snow on the ground as we speak. Still, this is just so adorable I had to put it on my post.

4. Keep your silverware in order for guests this Christmas with these stockings.

Yes, these are stockings for holding silverware for the holiday guests. And they only hold 3 a piece. But still kind of clever to say the least.

5. Make your own little Christmas tree this year with small flower pots and button ornaments.

Now you can buy the little flower pots at any craft store before painting them green. Still, this is just a very adorable little Christmas tree if you ask me.

6. Have burned out Christmas bulbs lying around? Dip them in glitter and put them in glass block.

Glitter: giving new life to burned out Christmas light bulbs as decorations so you won’t have to throw them away. Now this is so pretty to say the least.

7. You don’t have a great candy cane unless you have one of ribbon and crocheted lace.

Yes, that doesn’t seem to go with a proper candy cane twisty color scheme. But it looks like something that you can hang from a tree. Besides, it’s clever.

8. Want to spread some holiday cheer? Well, these wine glass will certainly make great candle holders.

Now these consist of a gingerbread man, penguin, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, an elf, Santa, the Grinch, and a snowman. And I see a lot of these have glitter.

9. Got little kids and pets but love baubles? Then I supposed these crocheted ones will be perfect for the bottom of your Christmas tree.

And they seem to come in several different colors in a box. Nevertheless, they’re likely all stuffed so you won’t have to worry about your kids or animals breaking them.

10. If you want to let it snow, then this crocheted snowman wreath is perfect for your front door.

Of course, in my area the most snow you’ll get this time of year is perhaps a few inches that will melt away as the day goes on. Yeah, my area doesn’t get a lot of snow during the holiday season.

11. Make a Christmas tree ornament with wire and beads.

Now I wouldn’t recommend this for little kids. However, it does look quite nice, doesn’t it?

12. To make your Christmas tree baubles look more festive, cover them with bead covers like this.

Now you might see decorations like these on older Christmas decorations. Still, this looks quite neat and best of all it’s purple to match.

13. Love woodland creatures? Perhaps this owl tree topper will go well for your Christmas tree.

Because nothing makes a Christmas tree look more alive in nature than with an owl on top. Sure it won’t light up like other tree toppers would. But it’s so cute you won’t care.

14. Nothing says Christmas than a large candy cane hanging from your front door.

Of course, you’ll know it’s Christmas if you see this on somebody’s front door. Yeah, bright white and red really stands out.

15. Bring in the ho, ho, ho, Christmas spirit with these Santa Claus wine bottle decorations.

Now if you have old wine bottles lying around, painting Santas on them is a clever idea. Wonder what they used to make the tops.

16. Count down the days till Christmas with this felt Christmas tree advent calendar.

Now this would be a great advent calendar if you’re a religion class teacher. I mean the ornaments on this are teeming with biblical imagery here. However, whether you’re a Christian or not, this does look pretty cool if you ask me.

17. Or you can go with the advent calendar wreath option, of course.

Wonder what’s inside these tissue wrappers for the days. Is it candy, Christmas messages, or something else?

18. For those who don’t have a taxidermied deer head for a reindeer, perhaps you should try making one instead.

Now this cute, cardboard deer is a clever and festive decoration. But unlike taxidermy, it won’t creep out the kids.

19. Nothing says Christmas better than a crocheted Christmas tree.

Now this is something kids can play with. And it’s just so adorable. Still, wonder how they got the ornaments on the tree though.

20. Nothing brings holiday cheer to your family than these Santa cone hats.

And yes, these are certainly bedazzling indeed. However, when seeing these, I can’t help thinking you’d expect to see these hats in Dr. Seuss.

21. Tired of assembling a nativity scene? Why not hang one up from the wall?

Now one has the 3 wise men following a star. One has Mary and Joseph with the baby Jesus. And one has the shepherds watching their flocks by night.

22. This reindeer ornament will be a great addition for any Christmas tree.

Okay, it’s not really a reindeer. But seriously, our pop culture usually gets it wrong when we show reindeer on Christmas specials, anyway. Still, its antlers are covered in glitter.

23. Blow some tissues this year with this Santa Claus tissue dispenser.

Now this is a cute decorative idea. Still, that buckle and belt are clearly embroidered and it’s trimmed by fake fur.

24. This snowman kettle will surely make a fine centerpiece at any Christmas table.

Yes, the snowman is painted on, possibly by a repressed art major. And yes, the foliage is fake. Still, you have to love this.

25. Live in the desert, well, this Saguaro Christmas cactus ornament will go fine with your Christmas tree or Christmas cactus.

Now we should remember that the Saguaro cactus is only available on the Southwest US and Mexican deserts. Still, it’s a clever twist for a Christmas tradition.

26. Light up a shadow nativity scene this year with glass blocks and lights.

Yes, it’s another nativity scene pertaining to cut outs. Still, I think it’s quite amazing, especially when lit up at night.

27. Make you home a Christmas candy palace with this gingerbread, candy cane, and lollipop Christmas wreath.

Now this wreath contains felt candies and goodies of your own delights. And it’s so adorable to put on any door.

28. If you love decorating for the holiday season with penguins, then you’ll love these flower pot waddlers.

Of course, most penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere which is nowhere near the north pole. But they’re so cute that nobody cares whether they’re used for Christmas decorations or not.

29. Make your home a holiday winter wonderland with this snowflake feather wreath.

Now this is covered in feathers and craft snowflakes you’d buy at a craft store. Nevertheless, wouldn’t mind having this on my door if you ask me.

30. Make your holiday season jolly with these Santa Claus paint brushes.

Yes, I know paint brushes aren’t often used as decorative items. Still, these are so clever and adorable if you ask me. Whoever thought of these was a genius.

31. Wow your holiday guests with this Christmas hat stand.

Yes, it’s a literal Christmas hat stand with funky red and green hats. And yes, I’m sure your guests will love it, especially if they’re fans of Dr. Seuss.

32. Want to build a small Christmas village display? Get a wreath.

Now I find a Christmas village wreath a particularly charming idea. Doesn’t hurt that it goes with the village below on the table.

33. Bring the holiday spirit into your home with this Christmas wreath.

Now this has a candy cane design with a little green, And it includes a snowman, bow, berries, a branch, and “Merry Christmas” in tags.

34. For a wintry spirit on your Christmas tree, it helps if your felt skates have paper clip blades.

Now the paper clip ice skate idea is quite clever for ornaments. However, as far as the Christmas season goes, it hasn’t been too icy from where I live.

35. Be in the festive spirit this Christmas by wearing these Christmas tree earrings.

Now these are made from beads and wire. However, they’re not as kitschy as some of the other Christmas jewelry you’d probably see.

36. For a more advent calendar design, may I suggest you go with a snowman?

Now this is made like a clock. Yet, you use the carrot to count down the days of December.

37. Have some old jewelry? Well, you can always make a Christmas tree collage out of it.

Now I’ve seen a lot of these on Pinterest and many are said to be vintage. Yet, this one sure looks pretty if you ask me.

38. This Christmas make your home a winter wonderland with a snowman Christmas tree.

Now this is a small Christmas tree that’s made to look like a cute snowman. And yes, it looks like each part is surrounded by wreath garlands, too.

39. I don’t know about you, but I think there’s a Grinch in that Christmas tree.

Actually that’s part of the tree decor. Somehow , the resident had some bright green tights and some red fabric. Still, it’s pretty funny.

40. I’m sure this pot soldier would make a great sentry for your holiday home.

No, not that kind of pot soldier. This one is a toy soldier made from flower pots stacked against each other and painted accordingly.

41. With beads and wire, you can make a snowflake ornament that glimmers on the tree.

Now the bead work on this is quite intricate if you ask me. But it sure looks pretty.

42. Seems like this snowman is busy with knitting this season.

Now this is a knitted snowman with a hat, scarf, and knitting to boot in sub zero temperatures. Then again why it feels to do this, I don’t have the slightest idea.

43. Nothing emphasizes the spirit of giving than a wreath made of gifts.

Now a wreath made of little presents can be as colorful as you like. And this one even comes with a tag.

44. If you love winter, then you’ll certainly adore this snowflake glass block.

Yes, it’s quite pretty and intricate as you might see. But you have to love it and admire the craftsmanship.

45. Nothing says, “Merry Christmas” this holiday season than a candy cane wreath.

Now in order to have a candy cane wreath, it just has to have red and white stripes of some variation. Still, I like the snowflake on this.

46. Grace your Christmas home with a wooden panel with a red ribbon star.

Now this just has a long ribbon on some screws in order to make a bright star. Some might scratch their heads on this, but I like it.

47. A wooden reindeer will certainly bring the Christmas spirit from the great outdoors.

Now this one uses logs for the body and twigs for the antlers. To some it’s ingenious but to others, it looks like a waste of firewood.

48. If you’re not the most jolly during the Christmas season, you can always go with a Grinch wreath.

Not sure what that material is but reminds me of moss. However, this is pretty clever if you ask me. Like the eyes and the Santa hat.

49. If you have kids but not a lot of space, then this felt nativity hanging will do quite nicely.

Now this one includes King Herod and the innkeeper, who aren’t the better characters in the story. Still, though Herod probably didn’t order a baby massacre around Jesus’s birth, he wasn’t a nice guy and executed several members of his own family.

50. Grace your home this Christmas with a red and green wooden sleigh with a snowman.

Now my family has a painted Christmas sled. But it doesn’t look like this one at all. Still, I think it’s adorable.

51. Of course, nothing says Christmas than a painted rock nativity scene.

Now this is an interesting twist on the nativity scene as you see here. Still, like how they used the burlap sack as the stable.

52. For a jolly holiday season, this Santa wreath is a great bet.

Now this has a belt and “ho, ho, ho” on the top. It also seems to be covered in red feathers for festive emphasis.

53. For those spending Christmas near the beach, you might appreciate these shell Christmas trees.

Yes, the iridescence may not make it look like shell. But it is. It’s just the underside. These are also topped with a starfish, too.

54. For your little one this Christmas, this crocheted snowman cap will keep them warm and snug.

Now most of the crocheted caps I’ve seen on Pinterest pertaining to Christmas seem to be for children. This didn’t seem to be the case when it came to Star Wars.

55. Nothing says Christmas like a button collage of a Christmas tree.

Well, it’s not all buttons. But I’m not sure which ones are part of the tree and which ones are supposed to be ornaments. Then again, maybe that’s the point.

56. Add some heart to your Christmas tree with this amigurumi ornaments.

Now this has all kinds of woodland creatures, a gingerbread house, Santa, a mushroom, an acorn, a reindeer, and a lady with a babuska. And yes, they’re quite cute to say the least.

57. Nothing makes a better tree topper this Christmas than a crocheted angel.

Now crocheted angels are pretty common vintage decorations, as I’ve seen at my grandparents’ house. Yet, I think this one is much less creepy than ones with doll heads.

58. Greet winter this holiday season with a snowman wreath at your front door.

Now I like how they have scarves in so many different colors. Also like their bead eyes and buttons as well. So cute.

59. I’m sure using old jewelry would make a great star to top your Christmas tree.

Yes, it looks like a wire star with jewelry all over it. But I think it looks quite pretty nonetheless.

60. Flowers in a candy cane vase make an excellent Christmas centerpiece.

Of course, the flowers are fake for obvious reasons. But still, you have to like the candy cane decor on this and the red bow.

61. Nothing makes a cuter Christmas tree than a pine cone.

Now I’ve seen quite a few pine cone Christmas trees on Pinterest. This one is supposed to give the impression of a tree covered in snow.

62. Get in the festive spirit this year with this Christmas tree advent calendar.

Now this is similar with the religious symbol Christmas tree advent calendar I put on earlier. Yet this one has more conventional symbols.

63. Got old socks with holes in them or missing partners? Make snowmen out of them.

Now each of these has their own winter gear to stand out. Not sure which one I like the best out of this bunch.

64. Of course, who knew that polar bears could climb trees?

Actually Polar bears don’t climb trees because they don’t live where there’s many of them. However, this is cute if you ask me.

65. Remember some ornaments don’t always have to be on the tree. You can even hang some from inside the window.

Now this looks pretty clever. However, I wouldn’t recommend this for cat owners. Or parents with little kids.

66. Think red and green is too boring? You can always do a wreath with baubles.

Now I think they used wire to keep the baubles in place. However, I think this might be a delicate process since baubles are easily breakable by design.

67. For Christmas candle holders, I suggest you go with a more rustic feel.

Now these holders come from logs as far as I know. And they’re in a tray with some fake berries and evergreen branches.

68. Grace your front door this Christmas with a large decorative poinsettia.

And the best part is, you don’t have to toss it after New Years. And yes, that sure looks so pretty.

69. Got candy canes? Make a wreath out of them.

Well, I’ve shown some candy cane stuff earlier. But this is just unbelievably intricate. Like the snowflake though.

70. When it comes to lights, my I suggest you go with some crocheted options?

Now they might not light up your tree. But they’ll look great nevertheless.

71. If you like horses, then you’ll love this decoration for your front door.

Now this is pretty cool. Like how the mane has long pine needles and a flower.

72. With a vinyl record and coffee can, you can make a snowman hat.

Yes, this is a snowman hat. No, this isn’t intended to be used on real snowmen. It’s just a decorative item.

73. When it comes to decorating the tree, you can’t go wrong with these mitten ornaments.

Now these are red with bows of holly and pine branches. Still, these are adorable.

74. Not sure whether a candy cane covered candle smells like peppermint.

Now this is a candle covered with candy canes as well as fastened with a bow and holly. Of course, you don’t want a fire hazard in this which is why the wick is further down.

75. Keep warm this holiday season with this Christmas holly afghan.

Now this is quite pretty. Love the holly design on this.

76. If you love angels, then this angel in lace is for you to cherish on your Christmas mantel.

Yes, it’s an angel all covered in lace. But it sure looks so pretty and goes well with the cloth.

77. A pine cone Christmas tree isn’t festive without bead ornaments.

Yes, this is another pine cone Christmas tree. However, this one is decorated in glitter and beads to create a better festive look.

78. For a more rustic home, these stick snowflakes will do quite nicely.

Now these snowflakes may not be white. But I’m sure they would if it was easier to paint them. Still pretty intricate.

79. Greet visitors this Christmas with a stocking on your door.

Yes, it’s quite festive and looks like it’s straight out of Dr. Seuss. Yet, if you don’t care for wreaths, go for it.

80. During Christmas, it’s “Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men” with this ornament.

Now this is made from felt. Nevertheless, I think it’s an ornament because it seems freely hanging. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a wreath.

81. When it comes to Christmas wreaths, the baubles can come in many colors.

Now this is a great wreath if you ask me. Love how they have a rainbow of colors with this. Sure would like to have that on my front door.

82. Greet winter this holiday season with this flower pot snowman.

Now this looks quite rustic if you ask me. Like how it has a flower pot coat and a flower pot hat. Also like the broom and scarf.

83. If you live in Hawaii, a hula skirt gingerbread man will sure go well on your Christmas tree.

So I guess it uses buttons as a coconut shell bra. And embroidery floss is used for the skirt. Still, pretty clever.

84. Experience the nativity like you never had before with this nativity cross.

Yes, this is a nativity cross of carved wood. But still, I think it’s pretty cool how they have the wise men and shepherds.

85. Nothing makes your Christmas brighter than a crystal rainbow angel.

Yes, this is a crystal rainbow angel ornament. And yes, it looks a bit weird. But I like it and I think you will, too.

86. Bring the spirit of Christmas into your home with this large candy cane star.

And yet, I have another candy cane decoration that you can hang from your door. Also contains peppermints and carries the smell.

87. Keep warm in December with your very own snowflake afghan.

Now the snowflakes are so pretty on this one. I also like the blue background, too.

88. Keep your guests’ cutlery in order with this Santa silverware pouch.

Now this is made from felt and only carries a spoon, fork, and knife. But nevertheless, it’s adorable.

89. Await the coming of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with this nativity scene advent calendar.

Got to love the nativity scenes on this. Now this looks very adorable and nice for kids to play with.

90. Enjoy the holiday season with these light bulb penguin Christmas tree ornaments.

Seems to come in 4 different colors. But each one is so cute when you see them. Love their little outfits.

91. Have the nativity at your disposal this Christmas with this nativity scene wood impression garland.

Now you can see that the Holy family is at the center. The livestock and shepherds are on the left. And the wise men and camels are on the right. Well, mostly.

92. Grace your table this Christmas with these snowmen candlesticks.

Now these are adorable. Still, it’s kind of ironic to have snowman candle holders for some reason. Maybe it’s because fire generates heat which makes snow melt.

93. Make spirits bright this holiday season with this Christmas tree glass block.

Well, a stained glass Christmas tree mosaic block. Still, I think it’s just so pretty and creative if you ask me.

94. Nothing captures the magic of Christmas like a crystal Christmas tree.

I know it’s made from wire and beads. But still, It looks so glimmering and beautiful in the sunlit snow. I like it.

95. Got some old jewelry? Make a Christmas tree out of it.

Yes, this is a Christmas tree decorated with jewelry. You might think it’s a bit askew but I think it’s quite shiny and brilliant.

96. Nothing says Christmas like a wooden peg people nativity scene.

Now since I had peg people Hunger Games and Star Wars, I had to go with this. Also like the simple stable design as well. Yes, this is cute.

97. Give your home a rustic feel during the holidays with this reindeer sled.

Now this is a beautiful sled. However, it’s just for decoration, not for actual sledding.

98. If you love the countryside, then you’ll like this rustic window wreath.

Think of it as a wreath but it has a wooden window pane as well as berries and pine cones all over it. Also like the bird.

99. Grace your Christmas table this year with these Pom Pom Branches in a vase.

Yes, these are branches covered in all sorts of different colored pom poms. Yes, it looks straight out of Dr. Seuss. Don’t ask me what it has to do with Christmas but I think it’s festive.

100. Stumped on outdoor Christmas decor this year? Then go with these Santas.

Yes, these are Santa faces painted on logs and come in 3 different sizes bound together. And yes, it’s adorable. Can also be used indoors, too.

NSFW Elf on the Shelf (a. k. a. the Post I Ruin a Stupid Christmas Tradition) (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 28, 2015

Elf on the Shelf

Last year, I did an Elf on the Shelf post showing how naughty Santa’s little spies could be once they’re in the world of children’s homes. And you can bet, these hypocritical elves will be in doing naughty stuff in your home this year while they’re reporting your kids misbehavior to the big guy in the red suit. Yes, they want to make sure your kid certainly qualifies for the “nice list” before they leave your homes on Christmas Eve. But that doesn’t mean they have to be nice since I’ve found plenty of naughty Elf on the Shelf pictures on the Internet and made a whole post with them. Of course, since all my fans have loved last year’s naughty Elf on the Shelf post, I decided to follow up with another one this year. Yes, I know that it can only “move” around when the residents are asleep or when no one is around. But since we have so many naughty elves in so many houses not adhering to behavioral standards, I highly suggest that parents keep an eye on their resident Elf on the Shelf with aid of camera or the Internet. And report whenever the elf is breaching professional conduct. Yes, you’d like to think they’re doing their job but you never know for sure. And by naughty, I don’t mean childish mischief that makes children laugh. No, I mean stuff that would ruin a children show entertainer’s career or something your child won’t be able to watch in a movie below PG-13. So when you see your resident Elf on the Shelf behaving very inappropriately, remember to take a picture, show it on the Internet, and call this hotline to report it to Santa via 1-800-555-BAD-ELF1. Now without further adieu, I bring you more naughty moments from Elves on the Shelves behaving very badly. Warning: most of these pictures aren’t for kids and aren’t safe for work.

“Stop right where you are, your money or your life.”

Uh-oh, seems like Grimpleskins is trying to commit a highway robbery near the living room couch. Might be time to buy some toy police to arrest his ass.

2. Aww, Bilbo and Snowflake are snuggling near the Christmas decorations.

Okay, they’re not snuggling. Nothing to see here, kids. Oh, come on, can’t you just keep it in your pants and save it for the North Pole for God’s sake?

3. Seems like little Tommy Tucker’s mishaps have been too much for Nucky to handle.

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Why did he have to poison himself? Why? Was that kid really such a brat? Or was the job just too hard?

4. Don’t look now but I think Trimmer has just committed grand theft auto at the Finklesteins.

Boy, someone’s going to get in trouble with the authorities tonight. Man, Trimmer really has no idea what the hell he’s getting into here.

5. And you thought seeing your mommy kissing Santa Claus was a traumatizing childhood experience. You haven’t seen nothing yet.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Robinson, have to cheat on your husband with Clinker here. Just you wait until your hubby and kiddies come home from Christmas shopping for your present.

6. Now what the hell is Bimble Bob doing in leopard underwear and a 1970s pornstache?

No, Bimble Bob, being at the Ellertons home is no way to get some free mustache rides. Seriously, you’re a complete and utter perv.

7. Holy shit, Winklekins, what the hell have you done to Barbie?

Good God, Winklekins, you’re a monster! Burying Barbie out in the yard like that makes you a sick son of a bitch. You’ll pay for this.

8. Seems like Pringle likes to creatively express himself in his artwork.

“All right, Suzie, now show me your tits. Yeah, I’m liking this. Now stay still until I get this down on canvas. It’ll be for my private enjoyment.”

9. Since deer hunting season is around this time, Slinky thought he’d go and grab himself a buck when the Bailey kiddies were in school.

Jesus Christ, he killed Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer! You bastard! Wait until Santa Claus hears about this! Boy, are you gonna be in North Pole jail after this season.

10. Timble is just on the tree to look what’s under the angel’s dress.

Man, you’re a sick elf, Timble. Looking up the tree angel’s dress. Have you no decency?

11. Aww, that’s sweet, Timkins is hanging out with the smurfs.

Holy shit! He’s captured them and is liquifying them to death in a blender! And he doesn’t seem to have an ounce of remorse over doing so.

12. Now that’s nice, Marvel decided to do some Christmas shopping.

And he seems to have made off with Mrs. Pirelli’s purse when she’s looking to buy something for her husband. What an asshole. Someone call security.

13. Seems Darth Vader finds Mittleskins’s lack of faith disturbing.

Oh, Mittleskins, what did you do to upset Lord Vader? Well, whatever it is, I’m afraid no one can help you now. Yeah, Vader isn’t a guy who takes mischief lightly.

14. “Sorry, but Glimmer and Freddie have been very naughty lately so I’m the new Elf on the Shelf at the Gregson house this year.”

Yeah, Pebbles somehow had the other two elves taped to the wall by the other toys for their misconduct. But it’s possible that he’s more evil than either of them.

15. Well, it seems that Bella made the front page.

Oh, dear. You mean she’s the one who killed those people with a meat cleaver? Good God, what the hell’s wrong with the North Pole background check system?

16. I think Ollie might have a serious partying problem.

Ollie, how many Jose Cuervos did you have? Yeah, I think you might’ve had enough for one night. Yeah, take a rest will you?

17. I don’t know about you but it seems Dinkles is enjoying his stay at the Henslers a little too much.

Yes, Dinkles, the Henslers might be nice people. But that doesn’t mean you should put yourself in their picture frames. Seriously, you need psychiatric help.

18. It’s said that Randy is a natural when it comes to cars.

Oh, is he going to let air out of the tires. Now that can’t be good. Seriously, he needs to stay out of the garage at all times.

19. “Pour me some Samuel Adams, Woody.”

Hey, Woody, before you pour some Sam Adams to Plinkie through the funnel, may I suggest you call an intervention? I think he might have a drinking problem.

20. “Tonight’s the night, Gnomey, and you will pay for what you did to those flamingos on the front yard. Yes, you will.”

Uh, I think Jangles has been watching too much Dexter lately. Yeah, I think murdering a gnome for vigilante justice is taking things a little too far.

21. Seems like Crinkler got himself into the Westons’s bathroom medicine cabinet.

Uh, Crinkler, those aren’t candy. Those are medicines, possibly coming from a prescription. They’re not for you.

22. Hey, looks like Santa has come down from the North Pole to play some games with Zippy.

Unfortunately, the game in question is beer pong, which isn’t good for your liver. Yeah, these two are going to be wasted by sunrise.

23. Okay, Finney, you really shouldn’t be getting into Mr. and Mrs. Templeton’s things.

And it seems that Finney is really messing up with the Trojans by sticking pins through them. Yeah, you probably shouldn’t do that and I’m sure Mr. and Mrs. Templeton won’t appreciate it.

24. Quick, seems like Mr. Clavier needs to be in the ER ASAP. His finger won’t stop bleeding.

Oh, my God, how could you do this, Brumpet? You’re a sick elf all right. I think the family might need to talk to Santa about this incident.

25. Of course, Rimple can be quite a fatalist at times.

Let’s hope whatever Rimple said on the toilet roll doesn’t pertain to murder or the apocalypse. Yeah, he’s not quite right in the head to get my drift.

26. Whenever he’s not spying on the Falkner children, Handy likes to enjoy himself at the local club.

Unfortunately, it’s the place with the pole dancing Barbie strippers. And when he has more dough, it’s said that he even pays for lap dances.

27. “The best thing about being at a girl’s house is that you can get plenty of tail.”

“Yes, Betty, that’s a nice rack you have. Now, ladies, let’s get down to business. Please don’t keep me waiting till Christmas Eve because I want my presents early this year.”

28. Tony’s favorite room in the house is the kitchen and his favorite part is the knife block.

Oh, I really have a bad feeling about this. I think Tony just might have murder on the mind by the looks of it.

29. Oh, dear God, Hanny just totaled the Barbie car!

Oh, shit, now he needs some medical attention, if he’s still alive. He should’ve been looking both ways before the vacuum rammed into him.

30. Of course, when Mr. Harris went to work the next morning, his co-workers couldn’t stop laughing at his new haircut.

No, Mr. Harris, your barber didn’t mess up this time. Trust me. Your wife could swear it was certainly Brimbles did it while you were sleeping.

31. Of course, Flicker likes to surf the net from time to time.

Yeah, if your browser history is unusually filled with elf porn, you might need to call Santa. Then again, I’m sure there aren’t elf women like that at the North Pole anyway.

32. In his spare time, Trinkles loves to look inside the neighbors’ windows.

Let’s hope he’s not watching from the parents’ room. Because that would basically make him a peeping tom. Yeah, I think everyone deserves privacy now and then.

33. Seems like Trippy is a bit buzzed at the moment.

Yeah, I’m sure Mrs. Gillespie will be very impressed by you doing cocaine on her kitchen counter, Trippy. She’ll probably call the cops and tell them all about it. Wouldn’t that be nice?

34. Looks like Santa and Sam the Snowman are really taking to Himey.

Is he doing to Santa what I think he’s doing? And what the hell is Sam the Snowman? Oh, never mind. Still, this is just so disturbing on multiple levels.

35. Oh, shit, now Mrs. Flenderson’s gingerbread Christmas village is destroyed. What’s she going to do?

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And ti seems like Dinkler here just had to get some gingerbread to wreck everything. How nice. And he seems to have a little grin on his face.

36. When Pauly is at the Nichols’ place, he occasionally likes to film some home movies before returning to the North Pole on Christmas Eve.

Unfortunately, he tends to have very terrible taste in quality entertainment. And as you see, he’s one sick and twisted individual. Yeah, I’m sure Santa will be pleased (sarcasm).

37. Looks like Trinkles got in some sort of trouble in Lego Land recently.

I’m not sure what Trinkles did to be tied down by the Lego people. But whatever it is, I’m sure the Lego people viewed it pretty serious.

38. Don’t look now but it seems that the Boss Elf has been tied down at the moment.

And tied down, I’m not kidding to say the least. Yes, Hermy has tied him down with some string and duck tape. And he plans to flatten him with a rolling pin. This can’t be good.

39. Here’s Timmy with Mr. Wilson. Wonder what went on there?

Did Timmy just murder Mr. Wilson in the kitchen and took a selfie? Seriously, that is just sick! Yeah, might want to call the authorities.

40. Uh, Phil, I’m afraid those aren’t craft supplies or weapons.

I think those might be tampons. I’m positive. And no, Phil, they’re not for you to play with. Seriously, it’s a personal item.

41. Aww, Crystal is making paper snowflake decorations. Isn’t that sweet?

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Okay, now a paper snowflake can have many designs. Now those look like a massive waste of paper because they’re too inappropriate for children to see.

42. Of course, since it’s legal in Colorado, Perry thought he’d just sample some local bong.

Yeah, pot might be legal in Colorado. But that doesn’t mean you should smoke some bong while you’re watching the Griggs’ children during the holiday season.

43. “Okay, tell me what the combination is or I’ll waterboard you some more.”

Uh, can someone give Blitzer the memo that enhanced interrogation techniques don’t work like they do in Hollywood? Just saying. Also, someone should call Santa over this.

44. Nice to see that Ginger is a real bookworm. Wonder what she’s reading this year?

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Oh, she’s reading the Fifty Shades Trilogy. Yeah, not the kind of book I’d expect from an Elf on the Shelf.

45. I think Mrs. Lopez might want to check her underwear drawer at the moment.

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Yeah, I think Plinko might be a bit of a perv or have some sort a fetish. Wonder if it’s because looking at his fellow lady elves’ underwear makes him look way too creepy to his peers.

46. Looks like Jasper likes to take candy cane by the spoonful.

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Wait a minute, he’s doing crack, right? Okay, I think this guy really needs help because that stuff is highly addictive.

47. “Okay, all of you, on Christmas Eve, you’re going to the North Pole with me.”

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Okay, is it just me or is Flaker making some side money on toy figure trafficking? Someone might want to call the Toyland authorities on this guy along with Santa.

48. “I’ve got you now, Chicago Bears nutcracker, any last requests until I light you into a stove top bonfire?”

“Sorry, bub, but I just happen to be a Greenbay Packers fan, thank you very much. Now let’s light ’em so to speak.”

49. Seems like Trinket has created his own sleigh with reindeer.

Sorry, but making a sleigh from a case and beer cans isn’t really appropriate for a family Christmas. Also, there aren’t 12 reindeer and they all don’t have red noses.

50. Uh-oh, seems like there may be some mishap with the peanut butter.

Now that doesn’t look good. Yeah, dog licking Bringle’s ass while he’s on the snow globe. Nothing to see here, kids.

51. “I’d just love me some Malibu Barbie during the holiday season.”

Of course, Ningle’s idea of a Malibu Barbie is some Malibu rum and a bunch of Barbies in a blender. Now that’s just sick.

52. Seems like Boba Fett has a bounty for Jabba the Hutt.

Well, at least Icky didn’t get frozen in carbonite. Then again, what’s going for him can’t be great either.

53. “All right! Tell me which list I’m on this year and whether I’m getting a new Xbox for Christmas! And I better be on the nice list or I’ll get totally naughty on your ass if I’m not!”

Apparently, Quinty seemed to have given some boy’s soldier doll some wrong ideas about Christmas. And he’s basically gone full action movie commando on his ass.

54. Well, as they say, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Interesting how they tend to defecate chocolate chips. Still, would it be disgusting if I scooped some from the candle and ate it? Probably.

55. “All right, Biggles, tell me where Santa’s money is if you want to live!”

Of course, Biggles might be damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t in this situation. Still, this is just so hard to see.

56. Well, Winkyskins seems to have fallen onto the kitchen floor this time.

And he seems to be wielding a big ass knife. Guess Winkyskins wasn’t as right in the head as we thought.

57. Don’t worry, I’m sure Hinky will help you make the cookies.

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Looks like Hinky must have the grizzly shits real bad this time that he’s pooping Hershey’s kisses. Yeah, seems very unappetizing does it?

58. Oh, my God, Trinky, what the hell have you done to your face?

Hey, is that the Mike Tyson tattoo Stu got from the Hangover 2? Yeah, really not a good idea if you ask me.

59. “I’m sure nobody will know the difference if I wash this toothbrush in toilet water.”

Let’s just say if you knew knew your toothbrush was immersed in toilet water, you’d probably get another one. Yeah, it’s pretty gross to brush your teeth after your toothbrush has been through that.

60. “I’ll just trim Rover’s claws with these cutters I’ve found in the garage.”

I think Rover might wake up in the process if Triggles isn’t too careful. Still, clipping claws really not a good idea.

61. Hmmm…Trigger is making some tootsie rolls.

Oh, so that’s how they’re made. Makes me never want to eat a tootsie roll again. Yeah, really gross if you think about it.

62. “Sorry, Barbie, but you’ll be dead when that train runs over you.”

I think the train might be a little too small to run Barbie over. I mean it’s all a matter of weight ratios here.

63. Oh, my God, Tinkler’s been dissected.

Okay, now that’s not cool. Seriously, that’s just downright creepy. Sorry, kids, but he won’t be back next Christmas season.

64. Holy shit, Jangles killed Elmo! That bastard!

Yeah, I’m sure Jangles is going to be in big trouble. I mean there’s a Hulk down below. And you don’t want to get Hulk angry.

65. “Sorry, Gussy, but I’ll have to tape you to a cabinet this time. And no, I won’t let you say anything.”

Of course, I can understand Buzz taping the elf to the cabinet. Sorry, but Gussy kind of gives me the creeps if you ask me.

66. “Oh, no, not the buttons! Not the gumdrop buttons!”

And he just had to behead the Gingerbread Man. Still, didn’t know that they bled. Wasn’t expecting that.

67. “Of course, bath time ain’t fun unless you get psycho.”

Yes, Gringy just had to behead 2 Barbies and strangle Bell with a shower hose. Now that’s just lovely. Actually, that’s disturbing.

68. “Et tu, Brute?”

Let me guess, the dead elf is Julius Caesar, right? How can I guess? Also, shouldn’t the other two Ken dolls also have knives?

69. “All right, Gracie, now you’ve used your lotion long enough!”

Man, seems like Inky has put Gracie in a real shitty hostage situation. Really should tell Santa about that. Seriously, you should.

70. Trinker always loves it whenever Barbie goes in the shower.

Boy, is he such a perv and a peeping tom. Let’s hope when Ken gets home, he’s going to nail Trinker’s ass to kingdom come.

71. “I’m sure she didn’t see me robbing her jewelry box.”

Sorry, but a nylon stocking doesn’t construe facial features. That’s just a fact. Also, I’m sure those jewels aren’t as worth as much as Hinkle thinks. I bet any money on that.

72. “All dressed up in my glow bracelets and ready to rave.”

Of course, Jinxer is bound to return totally high on ecstasy and totally wasted on alcohol. Then again, he’s probably just wearing glow stick bracelets. But still.

73. Of course, when you get up in the morning, you should always check your coffee.

This is especially true when Gwinnet puts laxatives in Mr. Tishel’s morning coffee. Sorry, Mr. Tishel, but probably don’t have diarrhea.

74. “What do you think I should do? Should one of us kill him?”

Wonder what Klinky did now that made the nutcracker soldiers tape him to a panel and guard him. Must have been pretty bad if you ask me.

75. “He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny… He looks like a pink nightmare!”

Well, wouldn’t anyone who’s not a 4-6 year old girl? Seriously, I think this is fairly demented if you ask me.

76. “All right, now light ’em up.”

Hmm….Ingles is smoking a cigarette. Now that’s a naughty elf. Hope he likes to have his lungs full of tar and an early death to lung cancer.

77. Okay, what did Gringie just do to deserve this? Because this looks really bad.

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Of course, he should note that Han shot first. Just so you know. Still, I wouldn’t think being held over from a gas burner as very pleasant.

78. “Looks, I’m going to party with some of the hot, drunk elf ladies. Man, it’s going to be great.”

Yeah, what a sick and twisted elf Tringletoes is. And you think he’s an upstanding because he has to report naughty things on kids to Santa. What a hypocrite.

79. “Hey, I didn’t know they have pay-per-view here. I’d like to see what titles they have here. Like to see some naked elf girls.”

Man, Belmer really has a dirty imagination if you ask me. You have to wonder if they have such smut all the time at the North Pole nowadays.

80. “Wonder what Mrs. McElroy would think if I just happened to flush her tic-tacs down the toilet.”

Uh, Hanky, I really don’t think those are tic-tacs. Definitely not tic-tacs. And I’m sure Mrs. McElroy is bound to be pissed when she finds out.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Holy Shit Christmas Vintage Advertising of Yesterday (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 27, 2015

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Once again, Black Friday is upon us again to kick off the official Christmas season. Of course, everyone seems to be well aware of it since businesses tend to advertise the freaking shit out of it. But as last year, I stayed true to my vow and decided that I wasn’t going to do any Christmas stuff until after Thanksgiving. And I have kept it, thank you very much. Now since many of my previous Christmas posts received a ton of views over the last year, I decided to do some second editions for a few of them such as vintage advertising, Elf on the Shelf, treats, albums covers, and sweaters. However, I plan to have some new stuff as well like Christmas crafts and possibly Christmas village sets. Of course, since the holiday season has been greatly commercialized, there are no shortage of advertising. And yes, it’s annoying as hell, especially when you see it earlier in November or before Thanksgiving. Now the olden days certainly had their share of ads as well whether they be for food, decorations, gifts, or whatever. Now you might think that Christmas ads were more wholesome and adorable. However, as I find out through Google Search and Pinterest, that’s not the case. Those who wish to spend early Christmas season fun at home can sit back and relax as I show you a treasure trove of old holiday ads your grandparents don’t want you to know ever existed.

Ladies, be your own Santa this year with your very own Formfit bra.

Okay, the woman wearing nothing but her bra is one thing. However, I think the marionette Santa is even creepier.

2. Santa wishes you a wishfull treefull of Chesterfields this Christmas.

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Yes, Santa decorate an entire Christmas tree with cigarette packs. Seriously, do you really want the kids to have a lot of health problems due to first or secondhand smoke?

3. Rest assured, Santa, she’ll love you for getting Mojud.

I don’t know about you. But from how I see Santa with the nightie, he’s going to be on the naughty list this Christmas. At least when Mrs. Claus finds out. Seriously, Santa is a perv.

4. This Christmas, get yourself a Jantzen figure.

Of course, it’s her turn to play sexy Santa this year. Still, Gladys found out it was better to do it without the creepy Santa mask.

5. Beat the Christmas rush with Bell Telephone system.

Wonder who’s going to rescue the people who are hanging from them? I have no idea why they don’t have any emergency vehicles standing by. Also, I’m sure that sailor will be dead if he falls from the wires.

6. From the Baldwin Clothier Boy’s Department, here’s a book on Christmas stories.

Kind of interested on the story of Duke Pineapple. Wonder if he’s the main antagonist of the early 20th century edition of Fruit Ninja. Or maybe the illustrator was on too much absinthe.

7. I wish I was a reindeer so I can dress like a Christmas tree and spread good cheer in six different flavors.

Not sure if the reindeer is happy with having 6 different jello dishes hanging from his antlers. Also, I’m sure reindeer don’t eat jello at all. They’re more into grass.

8. An Air Way sanitizer is as beautiful as anything under the tree.

Actually that’s not what I’d call beautiful in any respect. Kind of looks like some drink dispenser or a squared Sputnik if you ask me.

9. Nothing makes your kiddies happier in the 1950s than a real Roy Rogers Christmas.

All it costs are some of your parents’s money and your dad’s sense of dignity. Sorry, but playing the part of Trigger is part of being a dad during the 1950s.

10. Why be irritated this Christmas when you can smoke Old Gold?

Uh, I think I’d rather help him by putting up the tree first if I were you, lady. Lighting a cigarette when the tree’s fallen over him is just a fire hazard waiting to happen.

11. This Christmas everyone is shouting about Textron menswear.

So I guess in these pjs, grown men can spend Christmas morning playing cowboys, Indians, and derogatory Indian stereotypes. Also, cowboys riding tricycles as well. And the kid is reading a book.

12. From this Christmas on, make your own movies with the Cine Kodak Eight.

“Now we can use this to spy on our neighbors and see what their combination is to that big freaking safe they have in their house. You thinking what I’m thinking?”

13. Give your loved one a special gift this Christmas: a toilet seat for 5.95.

Now really? Who the hell would be happy getting a toilet seat on Christmas? This is a terrible present for God’s sake. Seriously, why?

14. Don’t know what to give anyone for Christmas? How about some Weed tire chains?

Yes, I’m sure tire chains would make a wonderful Christmas gift. Well, for someone who has no idea how to snow proof their cars. Then again, it’s not the kind of present you’d give to anyone.

15. Santa’s elves are always busy in their workshops making appliances?

Okay, this can’t be right. Aren’t elves are supposed to make toys for kids? Not appliances for their parents for God’s sake. Seriously, what 6 year old kid asks Santa for a waffle iron?

16. This Christmas, visit your loved ones via the Chesapeake and Ohio lines.

Don’t like the look on Santa’s face on this one. Looks like he’s about to pull some cruel prank on these cat and kittens. Like spiking the milk with laxative or something like that.

17. Give your loved ones the gift of comfort this Christmas like a hot water bottle from Wearever.

To be fair, they didn’t have the kind of heating technology we do. However, I don’t think anyone uses hot water bottles anymore, save in cartoons. Also, looks like the kind of gift you’d give your co-worker secret Santa.

18. Give artistic Cinderella magic this Christmas with Rogers lacquer.

Yeah, nothing makes a great Christmas gift than a can of paint varnish. Seriously, that’s what you get in a hardware store, not a Christmas gift.

19. Why have one Santa in your ad when you can have 2?

Now these Santas certainly look different. One is taller and has glasses. Yet, both seem to think that vacuum cleaners make great Christmas gifts for women. As a woman, I find this ad appallingly insulting. Seriously, I loathe vacuum cleaners.

20. Give your wife a kitchen appliance for Christmas from Frigidaire.

Seems like Santa really spent a fortune on that stove, dishwasher, and refrigerator. Still, since when is it her kitchen? It’s their kitchen. It’s their house. Appliances shouldn’t be promoted as gifts for women but for the whole family. Because everyone uses them.

21. Sorry, reindeer, but Santa is updating his sleigh this year to gasoline powered.

Seems like the reindeer union might vote to go on a stampede in Santa’s garage. Yeah, that’s no union at the North Pole I want to mess with. But if your livelihood is in jeopardy, you gotta do what you gotta do.

22. Christmas is the best time of year to get tires because it’s always the year after next that counts.

And it seems that this guy might either need to hit the gym or buy a new Santa suit. Then again, it’s probably worn out. Still, love the look on this wife’s face.

23. When it comes to reading letters from kids, Santa likes to kick back with some White Rock ginger ale and scotch for his scotch and soda.

So, kiddies, don’t be surprised if your letter from Santa sounds about as incomprehensive as your drunk uncle’s Thanksgiving rant. Santa is just very drunk at the moment.

24. Give Mom a break this Christmas with a Hotpoint dishwasher.

Wonder how much this family eats considering the quantity of dishes takes up a whole wall. Seriously, no family has that many dirty dishes.

25. Give a special smoker in your life a White Briar pipe this Christmas by Kaywoodie.

I don’t know about you, but Kaywoodie is a terrible name for a pipe company. Yeah, I can expect the giggles from that one.

26. A Health-O-Meter scale is a Christmas gift with a lift.

Okay, if someone on your wish list didn’t ask for a scale, you shouldn’t get one. Seriously, it might make a receiver wonder whether you think they’re fat. This is especially true for man giving gifts to their girlfriends, fiancees, or wives.

27. For heartburn relief during the holidays, try some Alka-Seltzer.

I don’t know about you but Speedy the Alka-Seltzer kid just seems straight out of my nightmares. I wouldn’t trust him with what he has.

28. For Christmas, Avon Cosmetics are a joy to give and a joy to receive.

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It’s also quite interesting that one of these cosmetics is stored in a golden banana shaped bottle. It just makes me scratch my head for a moment.

29. Usher’s Green Stripe is a 1853 Christmas original.

Now these pictures are so creepy. Well, at least the Victorian kid and the Roman with grapes. Yeah, don’t want to be near them.

30. Keep dry like the English this holiday season with Gordon’s Gin.

Of course, this basically says that the Brits usually spend the holiday season rip roaring drunk on gin, which is the worst alcoholic beverage on the planet. Still, given Britian’s problem with binging, this doesn’t reflect well on the country.

31. Decorate your Christmas tree this year with Noma lights.

Yes, I know the Santa baby is supposed to be adorable. But to me, there’s just something about this cherubic demon child that terrifies me down to the core.

32. This Christmas, deck the halls of your home with easy to make decorations with Styrofoam.

You the packing material stuff that never biodegrades that you can find almost anywhere. Well, you can make decorations with that.

33. Remember that the prettiest Christmas dollies use Scotch hair set tape.

When I see a woman with tape on her face like this, I don’t think I’d brush it off as a decorative enhancement. Hell, I’d wonder whether she needs to leave her boyfriend and file a restraining order. That doesn’t look good.

34. Promise me, Santa, that you’ll take care of my underwear needs from Frederick’s.

Now calling Santa to give you lingerie is one thing. But this woman looks like she’s in the mood for more than just lingerie. I mean look at her suggestive sexy eyes.

35. Be clear and fresh this Christmas with Ivory soap.

Yes, I know this little kid is supposed to look so cute and innocent. But for some reason, she doesn’t even look real and perhaps a bit creepy.

36. Even Santa Clause eats Cream of Wheat for breakfast.

And in this ad, Santa has just alienated one of his big demographics such as black children. Seriously, Rastah is a racist caricature for God’s sake.

37. Webster Cigars makes a great gift for important men.

I bet lady sitting here’s like, “How much longer do I have to endure this dinner sitting next to that douche? Why did I have to spend Christmas with my boyfriend’s family this year instead of taking a plane home to see my folks? Why, sweet Jesus, Why?”

38. Is your child a bed wetter? Then this Christmas, we can help them stop.

Now this is just really insulting. Yes, kids wet the bed at some point in their childhood. But really should there be an ad shaming kids that do? Probably not.

39. Santa Claus would like to wish a, “Big Ho” to Westward Ho Fruit Growers Cooperative.

Of course, nowadays, “Big Ho” has a very different and inappropriate meaning. Yeah, it’s actually very unintentionally funny to once you reach a certain age or start listening to Hip-Hop music.

40. Want to please your lady this Christmas? Buy her a toaster.

Yeah, buy your woman a toaster and she’ll love you for it. Even if she doesn’t ask for one and wants you to give her a gold necklace instead. Now this ad is just plain sexist.

41. This Christmas, get your lady a Bissell “Cyco” Bearing Carpet Sweeper.

I don’t know about you. But Santa doesn’t seem to be on the jolly side here. Seems to be telling the woman to accept this great sweeper and she’d like it or else he’d ram his sleigh and reindeer into her house.

42. Cherish your Christmas moments with your family with this Kodak camera.

Yes, the girl is supposed to be cute and innocent. But for some reason, I sense some evil in her soulless eyes as if she’s strangling the little doll with her chubby fingers.

43. Some people just can’t wait to open their Christmas presents under the tree.

Yes, I know plenty of men like beer. But that doesn’t mean you should give your man box with 24 cans. And if he opens it before Christmas, it might mean that he has a drinking problem.

44. Santa says that electricity is cheap so use more of it, courtesy of Carolina Power & Light Company.

Yes, electricity is great. However, fossil fuel use is not. So perhaps it’d be better to conserve electricity and save energy. Besides, isn’t Santa’s home being threatened by a little thing called climate change? Yeah, I think he should know better.

45. For fair feminine skin this holiday season use Hinds Almond and Honey Cream.

Now I don’t know which is scarier in this. Santa looks pretty terrifying as is. But I think the little girls might just kill him if he doesn’t give them the dolls they wanted.

46. For Santa, Christmas is all about “give and take.”

You see, kids, that wasn’t your dad raiding the fridge on Christmas Eve. That was Santa who ate the turkey before refreshing himself with a bottle of Coca-Cola. Yes, Santa just wants to raid your fridge in exchange for presents.

47. For Christmas, give something useful like Colgate products.

Unless you’re a dentist or have close association with one, I’m not sure Colgate products make good Christmas gift ideas. Seriously, they make toothpaste for God’s sake. Besides, nobody wants to receive a toothbrush for Christmas.

48. Hallmark Christmas cards are always a great idea, now featuring artwork from the Right Honourable Sir Winston Churchill.

Yes, Churchill led Britain during WWII. But would you really buy a Christmas card with one of his paintings? Also, kind of looks a bit skeevy here like he really needs cash at the moment.

49. For the skier in your life, Chesterfield is the ideal cigarette for them.

Now I know skiing might be great exercise. But that doesn’t mean you have to keep your lungs free from tar and nicotine while on the slopes. Because if you don’t ruin your body in a ski accident, you’ll sure ruin it through smoking cigarettes I assure you.

50. This Christmas don’t miss the fun of smoking with Pall Mall.

Yes, don’t miss the fun of smoking and enjoy the thrills of respiratory problems, cancer, cardiovascular disease, premature aging, yellow skin, and early death. Actually, this Christmas I encourage you to miss the fun of smoking because its side effects aren’t very fun at all.

51. Only Santa Claus wouldn’t enjoy this Remington Rolectric this Christmas.

Yeah, Santa doesn’t seem to be very happy with getting a razor for his Christmas present. He’ll probably regift it to Mrs. Claus, hoping she’d use it to shave her legs.

52. May all your dreams come true this Christmas, courtesy of Marlboro.

Of course, since we’re talking about Marlboro, the tobacco company hopes that your dreams don’t consist of living a long and healthy life. Also, Santa smoking a cigarette, really not setting a great example for the kids. Bad, Santa.

53. Treat your son right this Christmas by giving him a 22 from Winchester.

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Now this ad gives dads advice on what to tell their wives when they give their boy’s a Winchester. From the ad: “Suppose you want to give a Winchester 22 to your 12-year-old. But the wife says, “It’s too dangerous now. Wait till he’s older.” What do you tell her? First, tell her exactly why you think a boy should learn to handle guns early. Tell her he may not get a chance later. And too many kids grow up thinking guns are toys. Tell her a boy’s hankering to shoot and go hunting is perfectly normal. Something he’s born with. A part of his American tradition….” Oh, God, give me freaking break.

54. Want a gun this Christmas? Remington has got you covered.

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Because no Christmas present says “Peace on Earth” than something that was designed to kill. Seriously, guns aren’t toys and are terrible Christmas presents.

55. Old Gold Cigarettes are bound to make any man look sexy this Christmas.

However, remember that the sexiness isn’t guaranteed to last if he smokes enough of them. Because he sure won’t look like this in the hospital dying of lung cancer.

56. Give underwear to your family this Christmas with Fruit of the Loom.

Now this has to be one of the most awkward Christmas photos I’ve ever seen. What’s even stranger is how everyone seems so chill with hanging around in their underwear.

57. Make this Christmas safe with Pyrene.

Okay, this looks very scary if you ask me. For one, the guy is totally freaking me out. Second, why the Christmas tree look like it’s on fire? Oh, it’s for a fire extinguisher. That makes sense. But why are the mom and kid so close to it? That’s not safe. Seriously, they need to back away.

58. Remember there are plenty of Christmas gifts made from Reynolds Aluminum.

Still, it seems like Mickey, Donald, and Dumbo get all the nice gadgets and toys while Daisy and Minnie are stuck with kitchen appliances. I’d rather get a camera or a TV than a fridge, stove, or waffle iron.

59. Want your wife to love you more? Give her a dishwasher this Christmas.

From Diply: “‘She’ll love you every time she does the dishes.’ Really? Maybe, she’ll just hold in her resentment and unleash it later.” Then again, it beats washing them in the sink. But appliances should be for the whole family.

60. For your men and boys, give the gift that lasts like Atkins “Silver Steel” Saws.

Because men certainly love a saw with a sharp blade to cut wood with. Of course, the fact psychokillers use them is only coincidental.

61. Be his Christmas star with fashions from Frederick’s of Hollywood.

Yes, bursting out of a Christmas present in a sexy gold dress and cone bra will certainly make you his Christmas star indeed. However, I’m not sure if that woman wants to be a Christmas star to the pervy guy ogling at her. That might just be a routine of hers at the Kit Kat Club.

62. Contemplate your future this holiday season with a Ouija board.

From Buzzfeed: “Really? She’s hearing from a spirit and all she can think to ask is “who’s Debbie date for the prom”!” Yeah, that’s a pretty stupid question along with “Shall I become a model or fashion designer?”

63. This Christmas treat him like a millionaire with BVD pajamas and being his servant.

I’m pretty sure this guy can take off his own slippers. But he seems too much of a douche to do so and makes his wife handle it. Jerk.

64. For the girl in your life, give her Cutex nail polish.

From Buzzfeed: “Just what every girl wants for Christmas: A drug store brand nail polish from her boyfriend.” Yeah, I’m sure no girl is vying for drug store brand nail polish this time of year.

65. Be a real Santa Claus to the wife this Christmas by giving her this washing machine.

Now I’m sure we don’t use those kinds of washing machines nowadays. Still, sexist as hell? I’ll say.

66. Tell him how lovely you are this Christmas with a new holiday party dress.

From Buzzfeed: “If you need a party dress to tell your man how “lovely you are,” then you’ve got bigger problems.” Yeah, your own insecurity. Seriously, if a man can’t see how lovely you are without a party dress, then he won’t if you’re in one.

67. Remember, fellas, nothing says romance than giving your special lady a Hoover for Christmas.

Any boyfriend who gives me a Hoover for Christmas, I swear to God, I will burst into an uncontrollable rage never seen from the depths of hell. To my future husband: a better present would be vacuuming my place when I’m away so I won’t have to deal with the freaking noise. I hate vacuum cleaners!

68. Fellas, when woman gets a recliner, she can get 2 Christmas presents at once.

From Buzzfeed: “So this is TWO Christmas gifts that she apparently doesn’t get to enjoy.” Unfortunately, yes, as a matter of fact. Then again, I think my grandparents might have a chair like this in their house.

69. Do away with a tired and thirsty face this Christmas with Coca Cola.

Now the tired face Santa just removed is just freaky to say the least. Seriously, how did the designer think this was a good idea? I mean why?

70. Nothing makes a great Christmas gift for the kids than a Glad trash bin.

Yeah, I’m sure any kid would be smiling with pride over getting their very own trash bin for Christmas. Seriously, this is a horrible present, especially for children. Also, this one is from France.

Dawning Now Our Day of Peril and other Christmas Mondegreens

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 23, 2014

I’m sure we’ve all had made the same mistake whenever a song plays on and you sing to the words you think you’re hearing but you’re not. Sometimes this is apparent such as thinking that Bennie had electric boobs in “Bennie and the Jets,” other times, not so much. This term is known as a mondegreen coined by an American Harper’s Magazine writer named Sylvia Wright in November 1954. It was inspired by a misinterpretation of a 17th century Scottish ballad called “The Bonnie Earl o Moray” in which she writes:

“When I was a child, my mother used to read aloud to me from Percy’s Reliques, and one of my favorite poems began, as I remember:

Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,

Oh, where hae ye been?

They hae slain the Earl o’ Moray,

And Lady Mondegreen.”

The fourth line was actually, “and laid him on the green,” so we don’t have to worry about Lady Mondegreen being murdered with the Earl of Moray or a double homicide in that matter. However, we’ve all done it a lot of times in our lives, and in the realm of Christmas carols and songs is no exception. Some of the following are from kids and some aren’t. Some of these songs are yuletide favorites, while others come from songs you’ve never heard before or in years. So without further adieu, here are some yuletide carol examples of people getting the words wrong in songs. Most of these are from the archive known as Kiss This Guy by the way, inspired from a mishearing from a Jimi Hendrix song, “Purple Haze.”

1. Burl Ives, “Have a Holly-Jolly Christmas”
Lyric: “Ho ho the mistletoe, a-hung where you can see”
Misheard as: “Ho ho the missing toe, a hunger you can see”

2. “The First Noel”
Lyric: “Born is the King of Israel”
Misheard as: “Born is the king or is Dryel”

3. “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”
Lyric: “Now bring us some figgy pudding”
Misheard as: “Check your p***y”
Comment: This came from a 6-year-old boy who honestly thought those were the words from the song.

4. Jose Feliciano, “Feliz Navidad”
Lyric: “Feliz Navidad”
Misheard as: “Fuzzy Snotty Duck”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “We asked our children their favorite Christmas song and when it was the youngest’s turn he didn’t know the name so said repeatedly, “Fuzzy, Snotty Duck. Fuzzy Snotty Duck.” To his frustration, for days, we had no idea what song it was until it came on the radio and he screamed, “Fuzzy Snotty Duck!””

5. Band Aid, “Do They Know It’s Christmas Time”
Lyric: “The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life”
Misheard as: “The only gift they’ll get this year is flies”

6. “Silent Night”
Lyric: “Holy infant so tender and mild”
Misheard as: “Holy imbecile, tender and mild”

7. “Deck the Halls”
Lyric: “Donning now our gay apparel”
Misheard as: “Dawning now our day of peril”

8. “Carol of the Bells”
Lyric: “Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas”
Misheard as: “Hari Hari Hari Hari Hari Krishna”

9. “Frosty the Snowman”
Lyric: “With a corncob pipe and a button nose”
Misheard as: “With a corncob pipe and a butt and nose”

10. “Hark the Herald Angels Sing”
Lyric: “God and sinners reconciled”
Misheard as: “God and sinners wrecked in style”

11. “The Holly and the Ivy”
Lyric: “O the rising of the sun/And the running of the deer”
Misheard as: “O the rising of the South/And running the John Deeres”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “I don’t think they’re singing about Southerners cutting their grass…”

12. “Jingle Bells”
Lyric: “Oh what fun it is to ride/In a one horse open sleigh”
Misheard as: “Oh what fun it is to ride/In a one whore soap and sleigh”
Comment: Person was 10 years old at the time.

13. “Little Drummer Boy”
Lyric: “I am a poor boy too”
Misheard as: “I am a four by two”

14. “O Come All Ye Faithful”
Lyric: O come, let us adore Him,/O come, let us adore Him,/O come, let us adore Him,/Christ, the Lord”
Misheard as: “O come, let us adore Him,/O come, let us adore Him,/O come, let us adore Him,/Christ, the door”

15. “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer”
Lyric: “Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer/had a very shiny nose./And if you ever saw him,/you would even say it glows.”
Misheard as: “Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer/had a very shiny nose./And if you ever saw him,/He would take off all his clothes.”

16. “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”
Lyric: “He sees you when you’re sleeping…”
Misheard as: “He’ll seize you when you’re sleeping…”

17. “O Tannenbaum”
Lyric: “O Tannenbaum O Tannenbaum”
Misheard as: “O cannonball O cannonball”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “When I asked my classmates at the choral singing contest why the hell someone would want to write a song about a cannonball and sing it at Christmas.” Person was 10 at the time.

18. “Up on the Housetop”
Lyric: “Ho ho ho! Who wouldn’t go”
Misheard as: “Ho ho ho! School wouldn’t know”

19. “Winter Wonderland”
Lyric: “In the meadow we can build a snowman, we”l pretend that he is Parson Brown”
Misheard as: “In the ghetto we can build a snowman, we’ll pretend that he is partly blind”

20. Dave Matthews Band, “Christmas Song”
Lyric: “When Jesus Christ was nailed to the his tree/Said, ‘Oh, Daddy-o, I can see how it all soon will be’.”
Misheard as: “When Jesus Christ was nailed to the his tree/Said, ‘Oh, Daddy-o, I can see my house from here’.”

21. The Tractors, “Mary’s Baby”
Lyric: “Mary’s Baby, Son of Man”
Misheard as: “Mary’s baby, Son of Sam”
Comment: Son of Sam is the name of a well-known
New York area serial killer from the 1970s.

22. Myra, “Christmas Isn’t Christmas (Since You Said Goodbye)”
Lyric: “I’ve been asked to lots of parties/To celebrate the season.”
Misheard as: “I’ve bent ass to lots of potties/To celebrate the season.”

23. “I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day”
Lyric: “The belfries of all Christendom”
Misheard as: “The bell frees up all prison scum.”

24. “Lo, How A Rose E’er Blooming”
Lyric: “With Mary, we behold it, the Virgin Mother kind/To show God’s love aright/She bore to men a Savior/When half-spent was the night.”
Misheard as: “With Mary we behold it, the Virgin Mother kind/To show God’s love a riot/She farted in the manger/One hellbent Wednesday night.”

25. Nat King Cole, “The Christmas Song”
Lyric: “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire”
Misheard as: “Jeff’s nuts roasting on an open fire”

26. “Good King Wenceslas”
Lyric: “Good King Wenceslas looked out/On the feast of Stephen”
Misheard as: ” “Good King Wencelas’ car backed out,/On a piece of Steven”

27. “The Twelve Days of Christmas”
Lyric: “On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me:/Twelve drummers drumming,/Eleven pipers piping,/Ten lords a-leaping,/Nine ladies dancing,/Eight maids a-milking,/Seven swans a-swimming,/Six geese a-laying,/Five golden rings,/Four calling birds,/Three French hens,/Two turtle doves,/And a partridge in a pear tree.”
Misheard as: “On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My tulip sent to me:/Twelve drummers drumming,/Eleven pipers piping,/Ten lawyers leaving,/Nine lazy Hansons,/Eight maids a-milking,/Seven warts on women,/Six geezers laying,/Five golden rings,/Four calling birds,/Three French hens,/Two turtle doves,/And a cartridge in a pantry. ”

28. “We Three Kings of Orient Are”
Lyric: “We three kings of Orient are,/Bearing gifts we traverse afar.”
Misheard as: “We free kings of Oregon are,/Burying gifts we traverse afar.”

29. “While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks by Night”
Lyric: “While shepherds watched their flocks by night,/All seated on the ground,/The angel of the Lord came down,/And glory shone around. ”
Misheard as: “While shepherds washed their socks at night,/All seated on the ground,/The angel of the Lord came down,/And glory shone around.”

30. Bing Crosby, “White Christmas”
Lyric: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,/Just like the ones I used to know./Where the treetops glisten,/And children listen,/To hear sleigh bells in the snow.”
Misheard as: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,/Just like the wands I used to know./Where the treetops glisten,/And children listen,/To hear slave elves in the snow. ”

31. “Angels We Have Heard on High”
Lyric: “Gloria…In excelsis Deo!”
Misheard as: “Gloria…Estefan is gay, oh!”

32. “Away in a Manger”
Lyric: “The cattle are lowing,/The poor baby wakes./But little Lord Jesus,/No crying he makes”
Misheard as: “The cattle are glowing,/The poor baby shakes./But little Lord Jesus,/The crowd he does hate”

33. “Ding Dong Merrily on High”
Lyric: “May ye beautifully rhyme/Your evetime song, ye singers”
Misheard as: “May ye beautifully rhyme,/You endtime zombie singers”

34. Georg Fredrich Handel, “For Unto Us A Child Is Born” (from Handel’s’Messiah’)
Lyric: “For unto us a child is born/Unto us a Son is given.”
Misheard as: “Or unto us a chowder’s born/Unto us a sauna’s given.”

35. “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”
Lyric: “O tidings of comfort and joy/Comfort and joy/O tidings of comfort and joy.”
Misheard as: “O Tide cleans like Comet and Joy/Comet and Joy/O Tide cleans like Comet and Joy.”

36. “Go Tell It on the Mountain”
Lyric: “Go tell it on the mountain”
Misheard as: “No telling on the mountain”

37. Paul and Paula, “The Happy Holiday”
Lyric: “Mistletoe means”
Misheard as: “Mistletoe meat”

38. John Lennon, “Happy Xmas (The War Is Over)”
Lyric: “For near and the dear ones”
Misheard as: “We’re here at the Pier One”

39. “Here Comes Santa Claus”
Lyric: “He’s got a bag that’s filled with toys for boys and girls again.”
Misheard as: “He’s got a bag that’s filled with toys for poison girls again.”

40. Brenda Lee, “I’m Gonna Lasso Santa Claus”
Lyric: “I’m gonna pull, pull, pull on his beard.”
Misheard as: “I’m gonna poop, poop, poop on his beard.”

41. “Joy to the World”
Lyric: “He rules the world with truth and grace/And makes the nations prove.”
Misheard as: “He rules the world with truth and grace/And makes the nations prudes.”

42. Wham!, “Last Christmas”
Lyric: “This year, to save me from tears/I gave it to someone special.”
Misheard as: “This year, to semi frontiers/I gave it to someone special.”

43. The Carpenters, “Little Jesus”
Lyric: “He will rock you”
Misheard as: “He will rob you”

44. Harry Belafonte,”Mary’s Boy Child”
Lyric: “A new King’s born today.”
Misheard as: “New kids’ porn today.”

45. Anne Murray, “No Room at the Inn”
Lyric: “The bellboy and the porter, the waitress and the cook/Will be witnessed walking in Heaven.”
Misheard as: “The bellboy and the porter, the waitress and the cook/Will be wintessed f***ing in Heaven.”

46. “O Come, O Come, Emanuel”
Lyric: “Rejoice!”
Misheard as: “Bring toys!”

47. “O Christmas Tree”
Lyric: “Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, how lovely are your branches”
Misheard as: “Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, how lovely are your britches”

48. “O Holy Night”
Lyric: “This is the night of the dear Savior’s birth”
Misheard as: “This is the night of the deerslayer’s birth”

49. “O Little Town of Bethlehem”
Lyric: “O little town of Bethlehem”
Misheard as: “O little town of Beckley-hem”

50. Orgy, “Santa’s Creepy Secret”
Lyric: “You’ll get your Christmas wish/When you sleep with the fish”
Misheard as: “Did you get your Christmas wish/Did you sleep with the bitch”

51. The Royal Guardsmen, “Snoopy’s Christmas”
Lyric: “And then with a roar they were both on their way/Each knowing they’d meet on some other day”
Misheard as: “And then with a roar they were both on their way/It’s snowin’ made meat on some other day.”

52. Elton John, “Step Into Christmas”
Lyric: “Step into Christmas/The admission is free.”
Misheard as: “September Christmas/Be a fish on a tree.”

53. How the Grinch Stole Christmas, “Welcome Christmas”
Lyric: “Fah who for-aze!/Dah who dor-aze!”
Misheard as: “Bathroom florist!/Bathroom florist!”

54. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
Lyric: “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus”
Misheard as: “I saw Mommy killing Santa Claus”

55. “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”
Lyric: “Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walkin’ home from our house Christmas Eve”
Misheard as: “Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walkin’ home from outhouse Christmas Eve”

56. “Sleigh Ride”
Lyric: “Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling, ‘You hoo!'”
Misheard as: “Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling, ‘You fool!'”

57. Alvin and the Chipmunks, “Christmastime Is Here”
Lyric: “Time for joy and time for cheers”
Misheard as: “Time for boys and time for tears”

58. Paul McCartney, “A Wonderful Christmas Time”
Lyric: “Simply having a wonderful Christmas time”
Misheard as: “Disney’s having a wonderful Christmas time”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “I thought this song had been the soundtrack to a Disney Christmas special or had been the representation to every Walt Disney Christmas special that had ever been made. How wrong I was.”

59. Andy Williams, “Happy Holidays”
Lyric: “…Leave a peppermint stick for Old Saint Nick, hanging on the Christmas tree.”
Misheard as: “…Place a peppermint stick around your ***k, hanging for all to see.”

60. Brenda Lee, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”
Lyric: “Later we’ll have some pumpkin pie and we’ll do some caroling.”
Misheard as: “Maybe we’ll have some f**kin’ pie and we’ll shoot some cat or thing”

61. Mariah Carey, “All I Want for Christmas”
Lyric: “I don’t want a lot for Christmas.”
Misheard as: “I don’t want her, not for Christmas.”

62. The Beach Boys, “Little Saint Nick”
Lyric: “Merry Christmas Saint Nick”
Misheard as: “Merry Christmas Satan”

63. Hanson, “At Christmas”
Lyric: “Memories round the Christmas tree/Are the sweetest ones that remain with me”
Misheard as: “Memories round the Christmas tree/Are the sweetest swans that will mate with me”

64. Mariah Carey, “Oh! Santa”
Lyric: “Oh Santa!/I heard that it’s really gonna snow this year/So I hope Rudolph and them other 8 reindeer/Get you safely here”
Misheard as: “Oh Santa!/I heard that it’s really gonna snow this year/So I hope for a phantom of the ape reindeer/But you’re safely here”

65. Elvis Presley, “Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me”
Lyric: “Santa bring my baby back to me”
Misheard as: “Santa, break my leg, bring it back to me”

66. “The Wassail Song”
Lyric: “Here we come a-wassailing”
Misheard as: “Here we come a-waddling”

67. Andy Williams, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”
Lyric: “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”
Misheard as: “It’s the most wonderful time for a beer”

68. Coca-Cola “Holidays Are Coming”
Lyric: “Holidays are coming, holidays are coming, holidays are coming….
Misheard as: “Hurricanes a coming, hurricanes a coming, hurricanes a coming…”

69. N’SYNC, “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays”
Lyric: “And all the blessings from above/God sends you His love”
Misheard as: “And all the blessings from above/Condoms you just love”

70. Judy Garland, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”
Lyric: “Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days of yore.”
Misheard as: “Here we are, as in olden days, happy golden rays, up yours.”

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

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