Might as Well Face It, You’re a Dick with a Glove and Other Mondegreens

misheard_lyrics

We’ve all done it at one time. Say you’re listening and singing along to this catchy song either in a car, party, store, or karaoke bar. You might be singing to the words you thought you were hearing from the audio entertainment system and even though they don’t necessarily make sense, well, you figure that it wasn’t the song’s point. And then someone tells you what the real words are and you feel quite embarrassed. This is especially so when you actually look up the lyrics online. Yeah, we’ve all been there. You might not have know that there’s a name to such mishearings called “mondegreens” whose origin I described in my last mondegreen post on Christmas songs. Yet, now that it’s January and the holidays are over, now the real fun can begin. Of course, some of these songs may be pop favorites while others may be from newer contemporary hits. But my primary sources for such musical mishearings are from Kiss This Guy and Am I Right? websites devoted to such karaoke blunders. So without further adieu, here are some examples of lyrics being sung the wrong way.

Either Robert Palmer is singing about falling in love or perhaps delivering a stealth insult to Michael Jackson as some hear.

Either Robert Palmer is singing about falling in love or perhaps delivering a stealth insult to Michael Jackson as some hear. Of course, what’s the hell with all the creepy back up dancers. Got to love the 1980s.

1. Robert Palmer, “Addicted to Love”
Lyric: “Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love.”
Misheard as: “Might as well face it, you’re a dick with a glove.”

2. Earth, Wind & Fire, “Let’s Groove”
Lyric: “Let this groove/Sit in your shoes/It’s all right, all right.”
Misheard as: “Let this dude,/Poop in your shoes/It’s alright….ALRIGHT, A-a-a-all-riiight!”

These people are cheering for the dawning of the age of peace, love, vegetables, and really stinky pee. Yes, this is the dawning of the Age of Asparagus.

These people are cheering for the dawning of the age of peace, love, vegetables, and really stinky pee. Yes, this is the dawning of the Age of Asparagus when the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars.

3. Fifth Dimension, “Aquarius”
Lyric: “This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, Age of Aquarius”
Misheard as: “This is the dawning of the Age of Asparagus, Asparagus”

4. Toto, “Africa”
Lyric: “There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do.”
Misheard as: “There’s nothing that a hundred men on Mars could ever do.”

5. Berlin, “Take My Breath Away”
Lyric: “Haunted by the notion somewhere there’s a love in flames”
Misheard as: “In all that body lotion, somewhere there’s a loving flame”

Sorry, R.E.M. but public urination is a crime and not setting a good example. And I don't care if you lost your religion. Seriously, I don't.

Sorry, R.E.M. but public urination is a crime and not setting a good example. And I don’t care if you lost your religion. Seriously, I don’t.

6. R.E.M. “Losing My Religion”
Lyric: “That’s me in the corner, That’s me in the spotlight.”
Misheard as: “Let’s pee in the corner, Let’s pee in the spotlight.”

7. Elvis Presley, “Hound Dog”
Lyric: “You ain’t never caught a rabbit and you ain’t no friend of mine”
Misheard as: “You ain’t never pornographic and you ain’t no friend of mine”

8. Commodores “Brick House”
Lyric: “She’s mighty mighty, built like an Amazon”
Misheard as: “She’s mighty mighty, built like a mastodon”

9. Bryan Adams, “Summer of 69’”
Lyric: “Got my first real six string,/bought it at the five-and-dime./Played it till my fingers bled./It was the summer of 69.”
Misheard as: “Got my first real sex dream,/I was 5 at the time./Played it till my fingers bled./It was the summer of 69.”

Man, I knew that Jimi Hendrix may have taken too many drugs (unfortunately). Didn't know that he went both ways though.

Man, I knew that Jimi Hendrix may have taken too many drugs (unfortunately). Didn’t know that he went both ways though. Yeah, kiss this guy, indeed.

10. Jimi Hendrix, “Purple Haze”
Lyric: “’Scuse me, while I kiss the sky”
Misheard as: “’Scuse me, while I kiss this guy.”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “[Editor’s note: this is the singlemost commonly misheard lyric we’ve ever received, and is in fact the name of our new domain name!]”

11. Smokey Robinson, “Second That Emotion”
Lyric: “I second that emotion”
Misheard as: “I suck at that emotion”

12. REO Speedwagon, “Can’t Fight This Feeling”
Lyric: “You’re a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter’s night.”
Misheard as: “You’re a candle in the window and a corn dog when it’s night.”

13. Aqua, “Barbie Girl”
Lyric: “C’mon Barbie, let’s go party.”
Misheard as: “C’mon body let’s go potty.”
Comment: From Kiss the Guy: “My mom had told me about misheard song lyrics, and read me that one. I thought the real lyrics were the misheard ones and the misheard lyrics were the real ones.”

14. Nine Inch Nails, “Closer”
Lyric: “I want to f*ck you like an animal/You get me closer to God”
Misheard as: “I want a duck shaped like a triangle/You give a toaster to Bob”

Well, it certainly does make a difference whether you're naked or not, especially when you're in public. Too bad this guy listened to Bon Jovi way too much. Seriously, man, get your clothes on.

Well, it certainly does make a difference whether you’re naked or not, especially when you’re in public. Too bad this guy listened to Bon Jovi way too much. Seriously, man, get your clothes on.

15. Bon Jovi, “Living on a Prayer”
Lyric: “It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not.”
Misheard as: “It doesn’t make a difference if we’re naked or not.”

16. The Monkees, “I’m a Believer”
Lyric: “Then I saw her face. Now I’m a believer”
Misheard as: “Then I saw her face. Now I’m gonna leave her”

17. Til Tuesday, “Voices Carry”
Lyric: “Hush hush, keep it down now, voices carry”
Misheard as: “Oh Josh, you went downtown, was it scary?”

18. Kings of Leon, “Sex on Fire”
Lyric: “Ohh, ho, just like sex on fire.”
Misheard as: “Ohh, ho, dyslexics on fire”

19. Guns N’ Roses, “Civil War”
Lyric: “’Cause all these dreams are swept aside”
Misheard as: “’Cause all these dreams are web design”

Sorry, Lynyrd Skynyrd fans but I'm afraid we'll have to cancel tonight's performance since the whole band has been infected with ptomaine poisoning after eating dinner at a kids' summer camp. Don't ask me why.

Sorry, Lynyrd Skynyrd fans but I’m afraid we’ll have to cancel tonight’s performance since the whole band has been infected with ptomaine poisoning after eating dinner at a kids’ summer camp. Don’t ask me why.

20. Allan Sherman, “Hello, Mudda, Hello, Fadda (Letter from Camp)”
Lyric: “I went hiking with Joe Spivy;/He developed poison ivy./You remember Leonard Skinner;/He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.”
Misheard as: “I went hiking with Joe Spivy;/He developed poison ivy./You remember Lynyrd Skynyrd;/He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.”
Comment: Ironically, the name Lynyrd Skynyrd came from the high school gym teacher of some of the band’s original band members named Leonard Skinner who forced long haired boys to wear hairnets like cafeteria workers, which the guys naturally balked at. Also, despite being known for “Sweet Home Alabama,” the original Lynyrd Skynyrd members were from Jacksonville, Florida.

21. Manfred Mann’s Earth Band, “Blinded By the Light”
Lyric: “Revved up like a deuce/Another runner in the night”
Misheard as: “Wrapped up like a douche/Another rumor in the night”
Comment: I sometimes mishear the “deuce” part as “douche” whenever I hear this song.

22. Thompson Twins, “Hold Me Now”
Lyric: “Oh, Hold My Heart/(My Cold and Tired Heart)”
Misheard as: “Oh, Hold My Heart/(My Golden Tire Parts)”

Johnny Nash must really have something against his ex-girlfriend Lorraine. I mean it's been a bright sunshiny day since she's been gone. Wonder if that woman's a real bitch.

Johnny Nash must really have something against his ex-girlfriend Lorraine. I mean it’s been a bright sunshiny day since she’s been gone. Wonder if that woman’s a real bitch.

23. Johnny Nash, “I Can See Clearly Now”
Lyric: “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.”
Misheard as: “I can see clearly now, Lorraine is gone.”

24. Jay Z and Alicia Keys, “Empire State of Mind”
Lyric: “In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made, oh… “
Misheard as: “In New York, concrete jungle, wet dream, tomato…”

25. Iggy Azalea, “Fancy”
Lyric: “I’m so fancy, can’t you taste this gold…”
Misheard as: “I’m so fancy, can’t you taste this goat…”

26. Sleeping With Sirens, “Alone”
Lyric: “Could you check my pulse for me, to see if I’m alive…”
Misheard as: ”Could you check my balls for me, to see if I’m alive…”

27. Kelly Clarkson, “Because of You”
Lyric: “Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk…”
Misheard as: ”Because of you I never stray too far from the salad bowl…”

I'm beginning to wonder whether the 1990s Spice Girls were showing possible signs of being a potential sociopath. Having your boyfriend getting rid of your friends, that's really good relationship advice. Not. Worst role models for girls ever.

I’m beginning to wonder whether the 1990s Spice Girls were showing possible signs of being a potential sociopath. Having your boyfriend getting rid of your friends, that’s really good relationship advice. Not. Worst role models for girls ever.

28. Spice Girls, “Wannabe”
Lyric: “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”
Misheard as: “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get rid of my friends”

29. C7C Music Factory, “Gonna Make You Sweat(Everybody Dance Now)”
Lyric: “Everybody dance now”
Misheard as: “Everybody’s dead now”

30. Stone Temple Pilots, “Creep”
Lyric: “Everybody run, Bobby’s got a gun”
Misheard as: “Everybody run, Barbie’s got a gun.”

31. Metallica, “Enter Sandman”
Lyric: “Dreams of war, Dreams of lies, Dreams of dragons fire, And of things that will bite”
Misheard as: “Dreams of war, dreams of lies, dreams of dragon’s fire and of baked apple pie”

Hey, Backstreet Boys, if you're having stomach problems, you might want to try a few of these. They're over the counter, by the way so if you feel gassy with an upset stomach, just go to your local pharmacy.

Hey, Backstreet Boys, if you’re having stomach problems, you might want to try a few of these. They’re over the counter, by the way so if you feel gassy with an upset stomach, just go to your local pharmacy.

32. Backstreet Boys, “I Want It That Way”
Lyric: “Tell me why? Ain’t nothing but a heart ache, ain’t nothing but a mistake”
Misheard as: “Tummy why? Ain’t nothing but a fart hey, ain’t nothing but a meat steak”

33. Tone-Loc, “Funky Cold Medina”
Lyric: “Funky cold Medina”
Misheard as: “Funky Colwyn cleaner”

34. Johnny Cash, “Jackson”
Lyric: “We got married in a fever…..”
Misheard as: “We got married in a beaver…..”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “I was probably around 7 years old when I asked my mom why they got married in a beaver.”

35. George Harrison, “I’ve Got My Mind Set on You”
Lyric: “I’ve got my mind set on you.”
Misheard as: “Watch out I might sit on you.”

So, Avril, if you keep complaining about your bowels in your music, you might want to eat some of these foods. They're said to be high in fiber by the way.

So, Avril, if you keep complaining about your bowels in your music, you might want to eat some of these foods. They’re said to be high in fiber by the way.

36. Avril Lavigne, “Complicated”
Lyric: “Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?”
Misheard as: “Why do you have to go and make things so constipated?”

37. Pink Floyd, “Another Brick in the Wall”
Lyric: “We don’t need no education”
Misheard as: “We don’t need no sex vacation”

38. Metallica, “King Nothing”
Lyrics: “Where’s your crown, King Nothing?”
Misheard as: “Where’s your cornbread muffin?”

39. Neil Young, “Cripple Creek Ferry”
Lyric: “Hey, hey Cripple Creek ferry,/Butting through the overhanging trees./Make way for the Cripple Creek ferry./The water’s going down; it’s a mighty tight squeeze.”
Misheard as: “Hey, hey the purple Greek fairy/Slumming through the overhanging trees./Make way for the purple Greek fairy./The waiter’s going down; it’s a mighty tight squeeze.”

40. Drake, “Forever”
Lyric: “I’m shuttin’ s**t down in the mall”
Misheard as: “I shouldn’t s**t down in the mall”

41. Green Day, “Good Riddance”
Lyric: “Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road./Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.”
Misheard as: “Another turnip porn, the fork stuck in the road./Tongue grabs you by the ribs, directs you where to go.”

Problems with the glands downstairs, TISM, well, there may be something for that. Of course, you might want to get off the drug that shrivels it though. Nevertheless, if you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours, see your doctor.

Problems with the glands downstairs, TISM, well, there may be something for that. Of course, you might want to get off the drug that shrivels it though. Nevertheless, if you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours, see your doctor.

42. TISM, “(He’ll Never Be an) Ol’ Man River”
Lyric: “I’m on the drug that killed River Phoenix”
Misheard as: “I’m on the drug that shrivels your penis”

43. Hillary Duff, “Chasing the Sun”
Lyric: “You’ll find us chasing the sun”
Misheard as: “You’re father chasing a gun”

44. Magic!, “Rude”
Lyric: “Saturday morning, jumped out of bed/And put on my best suit…”
Misheard as: “Saturday morning, jumped out of bed/And put on my bear suit…”

45. Level 42, “Something About You”
Lyric: “Carved out of caring”
Misheard as: “Carved out of Karen”

Apparently, as Fall Out Boy implies, Tom Riddle (a.k.a. Lord Voldemort) does care about which pie whines as well as his own self-preservation in his quest for eternal life. Of course, if its a Muggle born pie, he'll kill it.

Apparently, as Fall Out Boy implies, Tom Riddle (a.k.a. Lord Voldemort) does care about which pie whines as well as his own self-preservation in his quest for eternal life. Of course, if its a Muggle born pie, he’ll kill it.

46. Fall Out Boy, “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race”
Lyric: “Don’t really care, which side wins”
Misheard as: “Tom Riddle cares, which pie whines”
Comment: For those unfamiliar with Harry Potter, Tom Riddle is the original name of Lord Voldemort.

47. Cat Stevens, “Another Saturday Night”
Lyric: “Another Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody/I got some money because I just got paid”
Misheard as: “Another Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody/I got some money because I just got laid”

48. The Temptations, “My Girl”
Lyric: “I got all the riches, baby, one man can have”
Misheard as: “I got all the bitches, baby, one man can have”

49. The Temptations, “Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch”
Lyric: “Sugar pie, Honey bunch”
Misheard as: “Sugar-fried honey butts”

"In the garden I peed in," seriously, Iron Butterfly, are you guys dogs? Otherwise, you might be so high you're tripping balls.

“In the garden I peed in,” seriously, Iron Butterfly, are you guys dogs? Otherwise, you might be so high you’re tripping balls.

50. Iron Butterfly, “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida”
Lyric: “In-a-gadda-da-vida, honey”
Misheard as: “In the garden I peed in, honey”

51. Elvis Presley, “Suspicious Minds”
Lyric: “We’re caught in a trap, I can’t walk out”
Misheard as: “We’re callin’ it crap, I can’t walk out”

52. Led Zeppelin, “The Ocean”
Lyric: “It sure is fine! Blow my mind! It feels so good, a yeah, yeah yeah!….”
Misheard as: “It sure is fine! A go mine mine! I’m gonna piss out the window, a yeah, yeah yeah!..”

53. Grateful Dead, “Truckin’”
Lyric: “Sometimes the lights all shinin on me”
Misheard as: “Sometimes the Lysol’s shining on me”

54. Shocking Blue, “Venus”
Lyric: “Well, I’m your Venus, I’m your fire at your desire.”
Misheard as: “Well, I’m your penis, I’m your fire and joy desire”

 "Xylophone waiting for you?" Seriously, how does that even make sense, Foundations? Most people haven't played one of those since they were kids or at least toy ones anyway.


“Xylophone waiting for you?” Seriously, how does that even make sense, Foundations? Most people haven’t played one of those since they were kids or at least toy ones anyway.

55. The Foundations, “Build Me Up Buttercup”
Lyric: “I’ll be beside the phone waiting for you.”
Misheard as: “I’ll be your xylophone waiting for you.”

56. Everly Brothers, “(All I Have to Do Is)Dream”
Lyric: “Only trouble is, gee whiz”
Misheard as: “Only trouble is, cheese whiz”

57. Juice Newton, “Angel of the Morning”
Lyric: “Just call me angel of the morning baby,/Just touch my cheek before you leave me baby ”
Misheard as: “Just call me angel in the morning baby,/Just brush your teeth before you kiss me, baby ”

58. John Denver, “Annie’s Song”
Lyric: “Let me drown in your laughter,/Let me die in your arms. ”
Misheard as: “Let me drown in your bathtub,/Let me dry in your arms. ”

Of course, you'll always lose to Dorothy when you mess with her, John Mellencamp. I mean if you go against her, she'll always have a scarecrow, tinman, and lion to back her up. Oh, and her little dog, too.

Of course, you’ll always lose to Dorothy when you mess with her, John Mellencamp. I mean if you go against her, she’ll always have a scarecrow, tinman, and lion to back her up. Oh, and her little dog, too. Look what happened to the Wicked Witch of the West for God’s sake.

59. John Mellencamp, “Authority”
Lyric: “Well, I fight authority and authority always wins.”
Misheard as: “Well, I fight with Dorothy and Dorothy always wins.”

60. Paul McCartney, “Band on the Run”
Lyric: “Band on the run, Band on the Run… ”
Misheard as: “Stand on the rug, Stand on the rug… ”

61. Neil Diamond, “Cherry, Cherry”
Lyric: “She’s got the way to move me, Cherry”
Misheard as: “She’s got some weight to lose now, Cherry”

62. Heart, “Crazy on You”
Lyric: “Gonna go crazy on you”
Misheard as: “Gonna pour gravy on you”

63. Blue Oyster Cult, “(Don’t Fear) the Reaper”
Lyric: “Don’t fear the reaper”
Misheard as: “Don’t spare the reefer”

Now that Jesus has pants, John Lennon, do you think he should go with the fat jeans or the skinny jeans? Hey, it's only fair to ask you since you kept singing to give Jesus pants.

Now that Jesus has pants, John Lennon, do you think he should go with the fat jeans or the skinny jeans? Hey, it’s only fair to ask you since you kept singing to give Jesus pants.

64. John Lennon, “Give Peace a Chance”
Lyric: “All we are saying is give peace a chance”
Misheard as: “Oh, we are sailing, yes, give Jesus pants”

65. The Rascals, “Groovin’”
Lyric: “Life would be ecstasy, you and me endlessly”
Misheard as: “Life would be ecstasy, you and me and Leslie”

66. Pat Benatar, “Hit Me with Your Best Shot”
Lyric: “Hit me with your best shot”
Misheard as: “Hit me with your pet shark”

67. The Ramones, “I Wanna Be Sedated”
Lyric: “I wanna be sedated”
Misheard as: “I want a piece of Danish”

68. Steve Miller Band, “Jet Airliner”
Lyric: “Big old jet airliner, don’t carry me to far away”
Misheard as: “Bingo Jed had a light on, Old Gary he’s from Paraguay”

The Brian Seltzer Orchestra may need to give some background screenings to their drivers. Of course, a drunk driver at the wheel just makes me jump and wail if you know what I mean.

The Brian Seltzer Orchestra may need to give some background screenings to their drivers. Of course, a drunk driver at the wheel just makes me jump and wail if you know what I mean.

69. Brian Seltzer Orchestra, “Jump, Jive and Wail”
Lyric: “You got to, jump, jive, and then you wail”
Misheard as: “You got a, drunk driver, at the wheel”

70. Jimmy Buffett, “Margaritaville”
Lyric: “Lookin’ for my lost shaker of salt”
Misheard as: “Looking for my log shaker and saw”

71. Crosby, Stills, and Nash, “Marrakesh Express”
Lyric: “Don’t you know we’re riding on the Marrakesh Express”
Misheard as: “Don’t you know we’re writing American Express”

72. Willie Nelson, “On the Road Again”
Lyric: “The life I love is making music with my friends”
Misheard as: “The wife I love is making music with my friends”

As what the Monkees are saying, the local rock group is trying so hard to learn their song but the band doesn't seem to be getting in the hang of it. Hang on there, guys. Seriously, hang in there. Yet, if your lead singer can't carry a tune, replace him.

As what the Monkees are saying, the local rock group is trying so hard to learn their song but the band doesn’t seem to be getting in the hang of it. Hang on there, guys. Seriously, hang in there. Yet, if your lead singer can’t carry a tune, replace him.

73. The Monkees, “Pleasant Valley Sunday”
Lyric: “The local rock group down the street is tryin’ hard to learn their song”
Misheard as: “The local rock group down the street is tryin’ hard to learn this song”

74. Tom Petty, “Refugee”
Lyric: “You don’t have to live like a refugee”
Misheard as: “You don’t have to live like an amputee”

75. Hues Corporation, “Rock the Boat”
Lyric: “Well, I’d like to know where, you got the notion”
Misheard as: “Well, I’d like to know where, you got the nose from”

76. Motley Crue, “Smokin’ in the Boys’ Room”
Lyric: “Everybody knows that smoking ain’t allowed in school”
Misheard as: “Everybody knows that smoking in the lounge is cool”

77. Ray Stevens, “The Streak”
Lyric: “Ethel, you shameless hussy”
Misheard as: “Ethel, you shave that pussy”

78. Eddie Cochran, “Summertime Blues”
Lyric: “I’m a gonna raise a fuss I’m a gonna raise a holler”
Misheard as: “I’m a Puerto Rican bus I’m a Puerto Rican father”

79. James Taylor, “Sweet Baby James”
Lyric: “Though the Berkshires seemed dream-like on account of that frosting”
Misheard as: “Though the birdsh*t seemed green-like on account of that frosting”

Next time you feel like going in a can, John Denver, you might want to try this. Still, while it's yellow, make it mellow. But when it's brown flush it down. Seriously, you can totally afford one.

Next time you feel like going in a can, John Denver, you might want to try this. Still, while it’s yellow, make it mellow. But when it’s brown flush it down. Seriously, you can totally afford one.

80. John Denver, “Thank God I’m A Country Boy”
Lyric: “Well I work all day and I fiddle when I can”
Misheard as: “Well I work all day and I piddle in a can”

81. Cherry Poppin’ Daddies, “Zoot Suit Riot”
Lyric: “Now you sailors know, where your women come for love”
Misheard as: “Now you sadists know, where your women come for love”

82. Hollywood Undead, “Gangsta Sexy”
Lyric: “..Gangsta, gonna turn you on..”
Misheard as: “..Gangsta, got a tiny wand..”

83. Pearl Jam, “Glorified”
Lyric: “Glorified version of a pellet gun.”
Misheard as: “Horrified virgin on a pelican.”

84. Foo Fighters, “The Pretender”
Lyric: “What if I say I’m not like the others?”
Misheard as: “What if I say I’m not like the otters?”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “I never knew what Dave Grohl had against those poor otters.”

85. Bob Marley, “Jammin’”
Lyric: “We’re jammin, jammin,/And I hope you like jammin, too.”
Misheard as: “We’re German, German,/And I hope you like Germans, too”

For some men, maybe life would be fine if their girlfriend was a BLT sandwich since she may not want to make one.

For some men, maybe life would be fine if their girlfriend was a BLT sandwich since she may not want to make one. Some guys really become helpless in the sight of bacon, lettuce, and tomato.

86. Pussycat Dolls, “Don’t Cha”
Lyric: “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?”
Misheard as: “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a BLT?”

87. Tinie Tempah, “Pass Out”
Lyric: “G Shocks, I’ve got a crazy Dom collection…”
Misheard as: “G Shocks, I’ve got a crazy nun collection…”

88. Tina Turner, “What’s Love Got to Do With It”
Lyric: “What’s love but a second hand emotion?”
Misheard as: “What’s love but a can of white emulsion?”

Sure a landmine taking your earring is painful enough, but look on the bright side. It could be worse, you could've lost a limb. Then again losing sight and speech isn't great either.

Sure a landmine taking your earring is painful enough, but look on the bright side. It could be worse, you could’ve lost a limb. Then again losing sight and speech isn’t great either.

89. Metallica, “One”
Lyric: “Landmine has taken my sight, taken my speech, taken my hearing…”
Misheard as: “Landmine has taken my sight, taken my speech, taken my earring…”

90. Phil Collins, “In the Air Tonight”
Lyric: “And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life…”
Misheard as: “And I’ve been waiting for this snowman for all my life…”

91. The Tokens, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”
Lyric: “Wee-ooh wim-o-weh. Wee-ooh wim-o-weh.”
Misheard as: “A weenie wack a weenie wack a weenie wack.”

92. Player, “Baby Got Back”
Lyric: “Baby come back, you can blame it all on me.”
Misheard as: “Baby come back, you can play Monopoly.”

93. Dixie Cups, “Chapel of Love”
Lyric: “Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get married.”
Misheard as: “Goin’ to the Jack-O-Lantern, gonna get married.”

94. Billy Ocean, “When the Going Gets Tough”
Lyric: “When the going gets tough.”
Misheard as: “Go and get stuffed.”

According to Eurythmics, sweet dreams are made from curdled dairy products. Of course, who am I to diss a brie.

According to Eurythmics, sweet dreams are made from curdled dairy products. Of course, who am I to diss a brie. Yet, those 1980s hair are ugly.

95. Eurythmics, “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)”
Lyric: “Sweet dreams are made of this, who had a mind to disagree?”
Misheard as: “Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who had a mind to diss a brie?”

96. TLC, “Waterfalls”
Lyric: “Don’t go chasing waterfalls.”
Misheard as: “Don’t go, Jason Waterfalls.”

97. War, “Slipping Into Darkness”
Lyric: “ I was slippin’ into darkness/When I heard my mother say/You’ve been slippin’ into darkness/Pretty soon you gonna pay”
Misheard as: “I was slippin’ in the dog mess/When I heard my mother say/You’ve been slippin’ in the dog mess/Pretty soon you gonna pay”

98. Don Broco, “Thug Workout”
Lyric: “Look up above, you’re in love”
Misheard as: “Look at my bum, you’re in love”

99. Fuse ODG, “Dangerous Love”
Lyric: “ Look at you in that dress/Girl you dangerous like a gun”
Misheard as: “Look at you in that dress/Girl you dangerous like Dewgong.”

100. Dire Straits, “Walk of Life”
Lyric: “Do the song about the sweet loving woman”
Misheard as: “Do the song about the senile old woman”

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Dawning Now Our Day of Peril and other Christmas Mondegreens

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I’m sure we’ve all had made the same mistake whenever a song plays on and you sing to the words you think you’re hearing but you’re not. Sometimes this is apparent such as thinking that Bennie had electric boobs in “Bennie and the Jets,” other times, not so much. This term is known as a mondegreen coined by an American Harper’s Magazine writer named Sylvia Wright in November 1954. It was inspired by a misinterpretation of a 17th century Scottish ballad called “The Bonnie Earl o Moray” in which she writes:

“When I was a child, my mother used to read aloud to me from Percy’s Reliques, and one of my favorite poems began, as I remember:

Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,
Oh, where hae ye been?
They hae slain the Earl o’ Moray,
And Lady Mondegreen.”

The fourth line was actually, “and laid him on the green,” so we don’t have to worry about Lady Mondegreen being murdered with the Earl of Moray or a double homicide in that matter. However, we’ve all done it a lot of times in our lives, and in the realm of Christmas carols and songs is no exception. Some of the following are from kids and some aren’t. Some of these songs are yuletide favorites, while others come from songs you’ve never heard before or in years. So without further adieu, here are some yuletide carol examples of people getting the words wrong in songs. Most of these are from the archive known as Kiss This Guy by the way, inspired from a mishearing from a Jimi Hendrix song, “Purple Haze.”

1. Burl Ives, “Have a Holly-Jolly Christmas”
Lyric: “Ho ho the mistletoe, a-hung where you can see”
Misheard as: “Ho ho the missing toe, a hunger you can see”

2. “The First Noel”
Lyric: “Born is the King of Israel”
Misheard as: “Born is the king or is Dryel”

3. “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”
Lyric: “Now bring us some figgy pudding”
Misheard as: “Check your p***y”
Comment: This came from a 6-year-old boy who honestly thought those were the words from the song.

4. Jose Feliciano, “Feliz Navidad”
Lyric: “Feliz Navidad”
Misheard as: “Fuzzy Snotty Duck”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “We asked our children their favorite Christmas song and when it was the youngest’s turn he didn’t know the name so said repeatedly, “Fuzzy, Snotty Duck. Fuzzy Snotty Duck.” To his frustration, for days, we had no idea what song it was until it came on the radio and he screamed, “Fuzzy Snotty Duck!””

5. Band Aid, “Do They Know It’s Christmas Time”
Lyric: “The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life”
Misheard as: “The only gift they’ll get this year is flies”

6. “Silent Night”
Lyric: “Holy infant so tender and mild”
Misheard as: “Holy imbecile, tender and mild”

7. “Deck the Halls”
Lyric: “Donning now our gay apparel”
Misheard as: “Dawning now our day of peril”

8. “Carol of the Bells”
Lyric: “Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas”
Misheard as: “Hari Hari Hari Hari Hari Krishna”

9. “Frosty the Snowman”
Lyric: “With a corncob pipe and a button nose”
Misheard as: “With a corncob pipe and a butt and nose”

10. “Hark the Herald Angels Sing”
Lyric: “God and sinners reconciled”
Misheard as: “God and sinners wrecked in style”

11. “The Holly and the Ivy”
Lyric: “O the rising of the sun/And the running of the deer”
Misheard as: “O the rising of the South/And running the John Deeres”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “I don’t think they’re singing about Southerners cutting their grass…”

12. “Jingle Bells”
Lyric: “Oh what fun it is to ride/In a one horse open sleigh”
Misheard as: “Oh what fun it is to ride/In a one whore soap and sleigh”
Comment: Person was 10 years old at the time.

13. “Little Drummer Boy”
Lyric: “I am a poor boy too”
Misheard as: “I am a four by two”

14. “O Come All Ye Faithful”
Lyric: O come, let us adore Him,/O come, let us adore Him,/O come, let us adore Him,/Christ, the Lord”
Misheard as: “O come, let us adore Him,/O come, let us adore Him,/O come, let us adore Him,/Christ, the door”

15. “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer”
Lyric: “Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer/had a very shiny nose./And if you ever saw him,/you would even say it glows.”
Misheard as: “Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer/had a very shiny nose./And if you ever saw him,/He would take off all his clothes.”

16. “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”
Lyric: “He sees you when you’re sleeping…”
Misheard as: “He’ll seize you when you’re sleeping…”

17. “O Tannenbaum”
Lyric: “O Tannenbaum O Tannenbaum”
Misheard as: “O cannonball O cannonball”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “When I asked my classmates at the choral singing contest why the hell someone would want to write a song about a cannonball and sing it at Christmas.” Person was 10 at the time.

18. “Up on the Housetop”
Lyric: “Ho ho ho! Who wouldn’t go”
Misheard as: “Ho ho ho! School wouldn’t know”

19. “Winter Wonderland”
Lyric: “In the meadow we can build a snowman, we”l pretend that he is Parson Brown”
Misheard as: “In the ghetto we can build a snowman, we’ll pretend that he is partly blind”

20. Dave Matthews Band, “Christmas Song”
Lyric: “When Jesus Christ was nailed to the his tree/Said, ‘Oh, Daddy-o, I can see how it all soon will be’.”
Misheard as: “When Jesus Christ was nailed to the his tree/Said, ‘Oh, Daddy-o, I can see my house from here’.”

21. The Tractors, “Mary’s Baby”
Lyric: “Mary’s Baby, Son of Man”
Misheard as: “Mary’s baby, Son of Sam”
Comment: Son of Sam is the name of a well-known
New York area serial killer from the 1970s.

22. Myra, “Christmas Isn’t Christmas (Since You Said Goodbye)”
Lyric: “I’ve been asked to lots of parties/To celebrate the season.”
Misheard as: “I’ve bent ass to lots of potties/To celebrate the season.”

23. “I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day”
Lyric: “The belfries of all Christendom”
Misheard as: “The bell frees up all prison scum.”

24. “Lo, How A Rose E’er Blooming”
Lyric: “With Mary, we behold it, the Virgin Mother kind/To show God’s love aright/She bore to men a Savior/When half-spent was the night.”
Misheard as: “With Mary we behold it, the Virgin Mother kind/To show God’s love a riot/She farted in the manger/One hellbent Wednesday night.”

25. Nat King Cole, “The Christmas Song”
Lyric: “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire”
Misheard as: “Jeff’s nuts roasting on an open fire”

26. “Good King Wenceslas”
Lyric: “Good King Wenceslas looked out/On the feast of Stephen”
Misheard as: ” “Good King Wencelas’ car backed out,/On a piece of Steven”

27. “The Twelve Days of Christmas”
Lyric: “On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me:/Twelve drummers drumming,/Eleven pipers piping,/Ten lords a-leaping,/Nine ladies dancing,/Eight maids a-milking,/Seven swans a-swimming,/Six geese a-laying,/Five golden rings,/Four calling birds,/Three French hens,/Two turtle doves,/And a partridge in a pear tree.”
Misheard as: “On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My tulip sent to me:/Twelve drummers drumming,/Eleven pipers piping,/Ten lawyers leaving,/Nine lazy Hansons,/Eight maids a-milking,/Seven warts on women,/Six geezers laying,/Five golden rings,/Four calling birds,/Three French hens,/Two turtle doves,/And a cartridge in a pantry. ”

28. “We Three Kings of Orient Are”
Lyric: “We three kings of Orient are,/Bearing gifts we traverse afar.”
Misheard as: “We free kings of Oregon are,/Burying gifts we traverse afar.”

29. “While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks by Night”
Lyric: “While shepherds watched their flocks by night,/All seated on the ground,/The angel of the Lord came down,/And glory shone around. ”
Misheard as: “While shepherds washed their socks at night,/All seated on the ground,/The angel of the Lord came down,/And glory shone around.”

30. Bing Crosby, “White Christmas”
Lyric: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,/Just like the ones I used to know./Where the treetops glisten,/And children listen,/To hear sleigh bells in the snow.”
Misheard as: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,/Just like the wands I used to know./Where the treetops glisten,/And children listen,/To hear slave elves in the snow. ”

31. “Angels We Have Heard on High”
Lyric: “Gloria…In excelsis Deo!”
Misheard as: “Gloria…Estefan is gay, oh!”

32. “Away in a Manger”
Lyric: “The cattle are lowing,/The poor baby wakes./But little Lord Jesus,/No crying he makes”
Misheard as: “The cattle are glowing,/The poor baby shakes./But little Lord Jesus,/The crowd he does hate”

33. “Ding Dong Merrily on High”
Lyric: “May ye beautifully rhyme/Your evetime song, ye singers”
Misheard as: “May ye beautifully rhyme,/You endtime zombie singers”

34. Georg Fredrich Handel, “For Unto Us A Child Is Born” (from Handel’s’Messiah’)
Lyric: “For unto us a child is born/Unto us a Son is given.”
Misheard as: “Or unto us a chowder’s born/Unto us a sauna’s given.”

35. “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”
Lyric: “O tidings of comfort and joy/Comfort and joy/O tidings of comfort and joy.”
Misheard as: “O Tide cleans like Comet and Joy/Comet and Joy/O Tide cleans like Comet and Joy.”

36. “Go Tell It on the Mountain”
Lyric: “Go tell it on the mountain”
Misheard as: “No telling on the mountain”

37. Paul and Paula, “The Happy Holiday”
Lyric: “Mistletoe means”
Misheard as: “Mistletoe meat”

38. John Lennon, “Happy Xmas (The War Is Over)”
Lyric: “For near and the dear ones”
Misheard as: “We’re here at the Pier One”

39. “Here Comes Santa Claus”
Lyric: “He’s got a bag that’s filled with toys for boys and girls again.”
Misheard as: “He’s got a bag that’s filled with toys for poison girls again.”

40. Brenda Lee, “I’m Gonna Lasso Santa Claus”
Lyric: “I’m gonna pull, pull, pull on his beard.”
Misheard as: “I’m gonna poop, poop, poop on his beard.”

41. “Joy to the World”
Lyric: “He rules the world with truth and grace/And makes the nations prove.”
Misheard as: “He rules the world with truth and grace/And makes the nations prudes.”

42. Wham!, “Last Christmas”
Lyric: “This year, to save me from tears/I gave it to someone special.”
Misheard as: “This year, to semi frontiers/I gave it to someone special.”

43. The Carpenters, “Little Jesus”
Lyric: “He will rock you”
Misheard as: “He will rob you”

44. Harry Belafonte,”Mary’s Boy Child”
Lyric: “A new King’s born today.”
Misheard as: “New kids’ porn today.”

45. Anne Murray, “No Room at the Inn”
Lyric: “The bellboy and the porter, the waitress and the cook/Will be witnessed walking in Heaven.”
Misheard as: “The bellboy and the porter, the waitress and the cook/Will be wintessed f***ing in Heaven.”

46. “O Come, O Come, Emanuel”
Lyric: “Rejoice!”
Misheard as: “Bring toys!”

47. “O Christmas Tree”
Lyric: “Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, how lovely are your branches”
Misheard as: “Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, how lovely are your britches”

48. “O Holy Night”
Lyric: “This is the night of the dear Savior’s birth”
Misheard as: “This is the night of the deerslayer’s birth”

49. “O Little Town of Bethlehem”
Lyric: “O little town of Bethlehem”
Misheard as: “O little town of Beckley-hem”

50. Orgy, “Santa’s Creepy Secret”
Lyric: “You’ll get your Christmas wish/When you sleep with the fish”
Misheard as: “Did you get your Christmas wish/Did you sleep with the bitch”

51. The Royal Guardsmen, “Snoopy’s Christmas”
Lyric: “And then with a roar they were both on their way/Each knowing they’d meet on some other day”
Misheard as: “And then with a roar they were both on their way/It’s snowin’ made meat on some other day.”

52. Elton John, “Step Into Christmas”
Lyric: “Step into Christmas/The admission is free.”
Misheard as: “September Christmas/Be a fish on a tree.”

53. How the Grinch Stole Christmas, “Welcome Christmas”
Lyric: “Fah who for-aze!/Dah who dor-aze!”
Misheard as: “Bathroom florist!/Bathroom florist!”

54. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
Lyric: “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus”
Misheard as: “I saw Mommy killing Santa Claus”

55. “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”
Lyric: “Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walkin’ home from our house Christmas Eve”
Misheard as: “Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walkin’ home from outhouse Christmas Eve”

56. “Sleigh Ride”
Lyric: “Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling, ‘You hoo!'”
Misheard as: “Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling, ‘You fool!'”

57. Alvin and the Chipmunks, “Christmastime Is Here”
Lyric: “Time for joy and time for cheers”
Misheard as: “Time for boys and time for tears”

58. Paul McCartney, “A Wonderful Christmas Time”
Lyric: “Simply having a wonderful Christmas time”
Misheard as: “Disney’s having a wonderful Christmas time”
Comment: From Kiss This Guy: “I thought this song had been the soundtrack to a Disney Christmas special or had been the representation to every Walt Disney Christmas special that had ever been made. How wrong I was.”

59. Andy Williams, “Happy Holidays”
Lyric: “…Leave a peppermint stick for Old Saint Nick, hanging on the Christmas tree.”
Misheard as: “…Place a peppermint stick around your ***k, hanging for all to see.”

60. Brenda Lee, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”
Lyric: “Later we’ll have some pumpkin pie and we’ll do some caroling.”
Misheard as: “Maybe we’ll have some f**kin’ pie and we’ll shoot some cat or thing”

61. Mariah Carey, “All I Want for Christmas”
Lyric: “I don’t want a lot for Christmas.”
Misheard as: “I don’t want her, not for Christmas.”

62. The Beach Boys, “Little Saint Nick”
Lyric: “Merry Christmas Saint Nick”
Misheard as: “Merry Christmas Satan”

63. Hanson, “At Christmas”
Lyric: “Memories round the Christmas tree/Are the sweetest ones that remain with me”
Misheard as: “Memories round the Christmas tree/Are the sweetest swans that will mate with me”

64. Mariah Carey, “Oh! Santa”
Lyric: “Oh Santa!/I heard that it’s really gonna snow this year/So I hope Rudolph and them other 8 reindeer/Get you safely here”
Misheard as: “Oh Santa!/I heard that it’s really gonna snow this year/So I hope for a phantom of the ape reindeer/But you’re safely here”

65. Elvis Presley, “Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me”
Lyric: “Santa bring my baby back to me”
Misheard as: “Santa, break my leg, bring it back to me”

66. “The Wassail Song”
Lyric: “Here we come a-wassailing”
Misheard as: “Here we come a-waddling”

67. Andy Williams, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”
Lyric: “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”
Misheard as: “It’s the most wonderful time for a beer”

68. Coca-Cola “Holidays Are Coming”
Lyric: “Holidays are coming, holidays are coming, holidays are coming….
Misheard as: “Hurricanes a coming, hurricanes a coming, hurricanes a coming…”

69. N’SYNC, “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays”
Lyric: “And all the blessings from above/God sends you His love”
Misheard as: “And all the blessings from above/Condoms you just love”

70. Judy Garland, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”
Lyric: “Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days of yore.”
Misheard as: “Here we are, as in olden days, happy golden rays, up yours.”