We Wish You a Merry Christmas, on Vintage Christmas Cards (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 5, 2017

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Another familiar Christmas tradition that has endured is the Christmas card which people still send to each other during the holiday season. Though not to the same degree they once did like in the Victorian Era which saw the earliest ones. Actually the Victorian Era was a time when Christmas really became a big deal in much of the western world. Now some of these cards might evoke the kind of Christmas ideals you might imagine in a Dickens novel. But some of these seem to defy all explanation. Others will totally creep you out. Whereas many will embody both characteristics. Then there are some from the early 1900s that don’t do much better. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy vintage Christmas cards your great grandparents didn’t want you to see.

These cat musicians bring you tidings of good cheer.

Though to be honest, would you really want to listen to cats sing? Didn’t think so.

2. Christmas is the time of year to call your wife a prize package.

Though calling one’s wife a “prize package” seems kind of sexist. Well, as far as this card is concerned.

3. Santa wishes you a Merry Christmas by jet.

Okay, this is from a Soviet card. But still, this makes Santa look rather Godzilla sized. Guess reindeer magic can only go so far.

4. “Hurrah for Jolly Christmas, with all sorts of toys!”

However, I wouldn’t say the same for the goose. Since it’s being chased by a bunch of kids. One of whom wields a knife.

5. While ice skating, you’ll find Santa under the mistletoe.

Look, I know what mistletoe means in these vintage things. The answer is “No.”

6. “Care to sit on my lap, sweetie?”

I don’t like where Santa has his finger on this kid. Dear Lord, someone please call the police!

7. Compliments of the season from a monkey painting a dog’s portrait.

Well, at least the dog stands like a statue. However, I don’t see monkeys as having much artistic talent. But you never know.

8. Santa salutes those in space.

Another Soviet Christmas card. Nevertheless, note how the cosmonaut’s riding the rocket.

9. Merry Christmas from the cats on the bed.

And it seems like the dark cat wants to get frisky. But the white cat has other ideas. Also, are undressing?

10. May cycling owls bestow on you warm Christmas greetings.

Why do owls need to be on bikes to deliver stuff? Couldn’t they just fly? The ones on Harry Potter do just that.

11. Best wishes for Christmas from the beach.

Why the hell would you include sea creatures on Christmas cards? Doesn’t really make sense.

12. “A merry Christmas day!/Happy, bright, and gay!/Fortune guard you aye,/Like a brave dog Tray!”

Seems like this dog doesn’t seem too happy. More like disgusted over not getting the best table scraps.

13. Season’s greetings from a dog who likes to stay informed.

Apparently, he’s checking on the racing stats. He reportedly has money on the Fresno Stud.

14. For the best presents, always hang a large stocking at your bed for Santa.

Note that she’s holding a whip just in case Santa doesn’t give her what she wants. Like a doll mansion.

15. “May your Xmas be as bright as purest gold.”

But somehow, you have kangaroos mining and panning for it in Australia. And I’m sure they’re getting paid pennies a day for their troubles.

16. Speaking of kangaroos, some of them possess significant artistic talent.

Also, get a load on those hopping slippers. Still, these two gentlemen animals enjoy their smoking breaks.

17. Apparently, they don’t seem to make Christmas movies like they used to.

And you thought movies inspired trauma and nightmares now. Here we have a guy with a knife chasing a goose. Evidently it’s fun for the whole family.

18. Nothing says, “Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” like a dead messenger moth.

Okay, the inscription is quite unsettling since it involves a moth being a go-between and dying of exhaustion. How is that supposed to be merry, I have no idea.

19. “Every good wish for your Christmas” from frogs in boots with umbrellas.

Sure those frogs seem like they’re about to enter a line of fire. But the umbrellas kill the badass pose from there.

20. Flower children wish you a happy Christmas.

By “flower children” we mean flowers with kids’ heads on them. You know what nightmares are made of.

21. “Wishing you a merry Christmas” from two insect musicians.

Something tells me that the bee and the grasshopper will never be seen again after this. Because the bird will most definitely eat them.

22. Even Satan himself sends his regards on Christmas.

This card basically says, “I’m too broke to give you a present so I’ll send this instead.” Let’s hope this isn’t addressed to a close family member or significant other.

23. “A right merry Christmas for you” from a couple of circus clowns.

Guess this is a scene from the Victorian Era rendition of It. And I guess this is a 19th century Pennywise who’s even scarier.

24. You should always wish everyone a “Merry Christmas” even when being chased by island natives.

Boy, this evokes racist and colonialist stereotypes on all kinds of levels. I’m sure the natives are suggested to be cannibals on here.

25. “With love and good wishes for a happy Christmas,” from a bunch of drenched toys.

Seems like a rather politically incorrect version of Toy Story. And yes, there’s the blackface Golliwog who’s basically a racist caricature.

26. Santa makes a toast for Christmas.

Go home, Santa Claus. You seem like you’ve drunk too much wine. No wonder so many kids get the wrong present.

27. A black cat always looks forward to Christmas pudding.

Comment from Bored Panda reads: “Plot twist: the “beloved” family cat, namely ‘Mr. Bartholemeow Giggly-Bumpkins’, ate the original pudding as the oblivious humans enjoyed their hearty Christmas dinner, and in its place he put a pile of his pudding-excrement-filled cat litter, in order to finally take revenge on the humans for giving him such an atrocious name!”

28. Christmas greetings from the one who can’t get out of their shell.

This seems more appropriate for Easter than Christmas. Wonder if this is the unfortunate lovechild of Humpty Dumpty and Mother Goose.

29. “A jolly Christmas” to those who aren’t having the best of it.

So a kid falls into a frozen lake and is probably suffering from hypothermia. And this is jolly? Also why aren’t the other two kids helping him?

30. “While Christmas is here, be all of good cheer.”

Though I’m not sure how kids can smile while hauling large logs in the snow for the fire. But in Victorian times, child labor was rampant. Poor kids.

31. “Christmas greetings for the sake of Auld Lang Syne.”

For nothing inspires “Peace on Earth” like a Scottish soldier in a kilt uniform wielding a gun attached with a bayonet. Gives you an idea when it was made.

32. Even Santa likes to deck the halls with bows of holly.

Okay, that’s guaranteed to haunt your dreams. Doesn’t help that he’s making a list and checking it twice.

33. Apparently, babies aren’t spared from the Krampus’s wrath.

Those poor little tots. Seems like the Krampus is going to put them to the pitchfork. That’ll sure induce lifelong trauma.

34. Better be good for goodness sake, kids, or else the Krampus will kidnap and torture you.

Yes, kids, if you act like a brat, the Krampus will subject you to this. And no, your screams won’t save you.

35. Nobody is safe when the Krampus visits.

This seems straight from a horror movie. And yes, he’s already got at least one kid. So hide if you can.

36. Merry Christmas from Frosty the Snowman.

Why is Frosty warming himself by the fire? You what that will do to him. I mean fire practically melts him. Seriously, this doesn’t make sense.

37. Apparently, Santa has ditched the sleigh for rocket travel.

And he seems to bring helpers, too. But they seem to resemble garden gnomes.

38. Christmas time is always time for carols.

Though I’d almost think she’s singing to Cats. “Memory, all alone in the moon light…”

39. Rabbits and owls always enjoy playing games on Christmas.

Though if you know anything about nature, you know this won’t end well. Mostly because owls see rabbits as prey.

40. Children always wish good cheer to all on Christmas.

Though the kid is dressed like the Grim Reaper. And it seems more likely to inspire nightmares than good cheer.

41. Pine cone Santa wishes you a merry Christmas.

Yet, he’s putting a nut in his sack. No doubt this was made under the influence of drugs.

42. Nothing says Christmas like clowns terrorizing you at the barbershop.

And you wonder why people are afraid of clowns. These two are just cutting his hair and applying paste to his chin. Innocent fun? Certainly not. This is terrifying.

43. This year, the rats celebrate Christmas feasting on a dead cat.

Think about a Tom and Jerry cartoon straight from a horror movie. Apparently to these guys, Christmas is about taking revenge on one’s enemies.

44. “Merry Christmas to you” from the kid building his fort.”

Sure the cat may look on now. But once the guy’s away, it’ll topple the boy’s creation.

45. Naked man likes to wish you a merry Christmas.

Still, he should at least put something on. After all, we all know most dress codes usually operate on a “no shirt, no shoes, no service” policy.

46. Christmas parties are always a fun time.

“Not now, Herman, people will see us. Let’s just wait until they’re dancing and then we’ll do it.”

47. Now your little one can have their own Krampus plush toy.

Because some children want to bask into the dark side of Christmas. Still, this is just messed up.

48. Sometimes on Christmas you may have little Asian people serve you while you’re sleeping.

Talk about depicting racist attitudes under the influence of drugs. Not sure how this card came to exist. Also, what’s with the onion?

49. Santa Claus wishes you a Merry Christmas.

Bet these kids are like, “Please don’t come near us! You’re scaring us!” Talk about a hostage situation.

50. Children are always excited for Christmas coming.

Though seeing them wearing signs with emotionless faces gives me the creeps. Santa better give them presents or there will be hell to pay.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 3, 2017

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After Thanksgiving, it’s not unusual to hear Christmas music played in stores as well as on several radio stations. And if you work in the service industry, you’re probably sick of hearing Christmas songs already, especially if they make your ears bleed. Of course, you may also see an array of Christmas albums by some of your favorite recording artists who worked on them during the summer. In some ways, recording a Christmas album might seem like a good idea. After all, some artists have recorded songs that have become holiday classics. Yet, other times a Christmas album might come across as a way to make money and will probably end up in the discount rack at a store near you. Nevertheless, as with any albums, Christmas albums come in a wide variety of covers. Some of them could seem tame like the Johnny Mathis cover above. But others come in covers that are hysterically tacky or in very poor taste. And in that case, you might wonder why anyone though such a design was a good idea. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy Christmas album covers.

Gisele MacKenzie: Christmas with Gisele

Apparently, the dogs seem to have others ideas. Also, is she hugging a fur coat?

There’s nothing better than spending Christmas with your dogs.

2. RuPaul: Ho Ho Ho

I’m sure this yuletide drag routine is fine for RuPaul’s Drag Race. But for a Christmas album? Not so much. Also, the title doesn’t help matters either.

Evidently, RuPaul has tried to make forays into the Christmas music scene.

3. Yoko Ono: An Xmas Message from Yoko 1991

This doesn’t seem to be very Christmasy. Nothing here seems to inspire good cheer at all. Just a vast blackness.

Yoko would like to say something for the holiday season.

4. Bette Midler: Cool Yule

Bette Midler looks as if she’s about select tributes on Reaping Day. Not celebrate Christmas.

Didn’t know that Bette Midler was a fan of the Hunger Games.

5. God Jul Onskar

Though Towa couldn’t seem to eke a smile since a fly had been buzzing around her. This was the best she could do.

The whole gang would like to wish you holiday greetings.

6. Liberace: Christmas at Liberace’s

Then again, Santa was probably expecting a gaudy palace. And he was disappointed that he came to surprisingly normal furnishings.

Somehow Santa Claus wasn’t impressed by Liberace’s Christmas decorations.

7. John Travolta and Olivia Newton John: This Christmas

Guess the chemistry they had in Grease has evaporated. Also, is that John’s real hair?

I guess this is the Grease reunion none of us wanted.

8. Jingle Cats: Here Comes Santa Claws

Can’t believe you’d find another cat singing album. Still, the cat on the guitar is hilarious.

For those wanting to listen to cats screeching to holiday favorites, this is for you.

9. The Clancy Brothers: Christmas

Don’t seem to have any Christmas decorations here. But you have a couple glaring Irish stereotypes.

There’s nothing better than spending Christmas in an Irish pub.

10. Mojo Nixon and the Toadliquors: Horny Holidays

Yeah, that guy seems more suited for a sex offender list than a Christmas album cover. And no, the Santa hat and beard doesn’t help.

Merry Christmas, from your local neighborhood sexual deviant.

11. Bob Ward: Merry Christmas, Especially for You

No, I don’t think the girls like Bob from accounting because he plays the organ. Rather it’s because he spends his lunch breaks creeping in the ladies room.

Because nothing makes the holidays like a creepy bald guy playing Christmas music on his organ.

12. A Brass Band Christmas

I’m sure the music is good. But depicting instruments as cartoon characters is more appropriate for a kids’ album.

We all know how brass guys stick together during the holidays.

13. Afroman: Jobe Bells

Though I do think seeing the reindeer with a cigarette is quite amusing. Then again, maybe that explains the look on Santa’s face.

Apparently, this Santa’s breaking all the rules.

14. Bob Kames: Organ and Chimes

From Music Radar: “As far as we know, this is the only one that looks like a carefully posed backwoods murder scene.” Caption reads: “Bob Kames, now in the Black Lodge forever.”

For Christmas would never be without a small decorated tree in the woods.

15. Anne Sofie von Otter: Home for Christmas

From Classic FM: “OK, so there’s a massive ghost version of ASVO, a creepy beach scene and a child on some sort of weird camping chair being pushed by an unknown adult. If that’s Christmas in the Otter household, we dread to think what happens at New Year.”

Christmas is always about spending time with family.

16. Bad Religion: Christmas Songs

Though why a boy would be exhilarated to receive a new pair of loafers is beyond me. Seriously, that’s a face of a boy who gets an Xbox.

After all, Christmas is about the joy of giving.

17. Canadian Brass: Christmas Time Is Here

From Classic FM: “We can’t fault the repertoire on this album, but the horrifying cover art is all over the place. And you’d think they’d get cold, gaily larking about on that incredibly realistic ice rink.”

Apparently, their rendition of A Charlie Brown Christmas wasn’t a rousing success.

18. Cheeky Girls: Have a Cheeky Christmas

From Official Charts: “It’s never inappropriate for two grown women to straddle a man dressed as Santa, is it?” Either way, Santa doesn’t seem to mind.

Apparently, Santa thinks these two have been very good this year.

19. Kiri Te Kanawa: Christmas with Kiri Te Kanawa

From Classic FM: “Dame Kiri is so excited about Christmas this year that she’s decided to wear nothing but Christmas decorations.” Kind of makes sense.

On Christmas it helps if a diva always shimmers.

20. Christmas with the Choral Scholars of King’s College, Cambridge

From Classic FM: “What do you mean we forgot to do the album artwork? Oh never mind, just knock something together with MS Paint, no-one will know. Clip-art’s really popular now anyway.”

Enjoy the season with the sound from the Cambridge University choir.

21. Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton: Once Upon a Christmas

From Music Radar: “This country coming-together is a spin-off from another Christmas special, CBS’ Kenny & Dolly: A Christmas To Remember from 1984. It’s also the exact moment at which Dolly Parton stopped aging – that mounted reindeer shows more wear from the last quarter century than the miniature dynamo.”

For nothing makes a country Christmas during the 1980s like a collaboration album with Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton.

22. Dapper Laughs: Proper Naughty Xmas

From Official Charts: “We don’t really have much to say about this absolute monstrosity but you can’t keep using ‘it’s cold’ as an excuse, Dapper…”

Please tell me that guy’s at least wearing underwear.

23. Donny Osmond: Christmas at Home

Donny Osmond here seems like he’d rather spend the holidays outside in the freezing cold than spend time with his family. And we thought the Osmonds were a happy bunch.

There’s no place like home for the holidays, unless perhaps you’re Donny Osmond.

24. Evie: Come on, Ring Those Bells

That way, if you don’t want to snuggle with her, she’ll hack you to pieces and feed you to the fire. Now isn’t that nice?

Evie always enjoys spending Christmas by warm fire.

25. Explosivo Tropical Bristol

And you can definitely see he tan lines as the tinsel and ornaments cover her naughty bits. Still, I’m sure this is part of a marketing ploy.

Season’s greetings from some hotel room in Mexico for some reason.

26. Fast Food Rockers: I Love Christmas

What do you mean this was from 2003? And it reached 25 on the charts? They also have a music video on YouTube which appears straight out of an acid trip. And yes, it’s as bad as you think.

For we all know how winter’s the perfect time for 1980s cartoon cosplay.

27. Hanson: Snowed In

Seems like these guys got caught up in the Christmas lights. Thankfully, they didn’t suffer any injuries. But none seem happy about it.

Who knew that these Hanson brothers sucked at Christmas decorating?

28. Hollywood Bowl Symphony Orchestra: Great Orchestral Music of Christmas

Apparently, while Santa bestows presents to all the girls and boys, he also tends to kidnap a few of them. Yes, definitely an album cover to induce trauma and nightmares.

There’s always a certain nostalgia with meeting Santa at the mall while on a bad LSD trip.

29. Ice-T: Christmas with Ice-T

Even Santa thinks this is ridiculous. Yeah, Ice-T, I think you’re an embarrassment by this point.

Uh, Ice-T, I think you’re way too old to sit on Santa’s lap.

30. Woody Phillips: A Toolbox Christmas

From Music Radar: “The cover to this gourd music monster looks like a soft-focus snuff movie before the messy part begins. The noise is even worse: it sounds a bit like real music, in the same way a tongueless dog howling at the moon sounds like a trained choirist. See?”

After all, why tinker in the garage without hearing the sounds of the holidays?

31. Jimi Hendrix: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Still, he doesn’t seem to wear the Santa suit well. Then again, this seems like a contractual obligation.

Hendrix had a Christmas album? Wonder what that sounds like.

32. Sing Along with Marcy: Christmas with Marcy

Though she could just as easily throw her cat on her lap into the fire. Don’t think this album’s full of good cheer at all.

Christmas is a time of year when you snuggle with your loved ones by the fire.

33. Motorhead: Ace of Spades Christmas Edition

One of these Santas is giving the finger. And no, you don’t want to know what’s under their robes. Also, is that cage in the background?

This year, Santa’s on the naughty list.

34. Mr. Hankey: Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics

Though to be fair, there are a lot of shitty Christmas albums out there. It’s just this one’s sung by a someone who knows he’s crap.

Nothing says Christmas like music coming from a literal turd.

35. New Kids on the Block: Merry, Merry Christmas

Though one of these guys looks as if he’s getting strangled by his scarf. Way to go, guys.

New Kids on the Block always enjoy sledding during the holidays.

36. A Christmas Gift for You from Philles Records

This is said to be 142 on Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Albums of all time. However, since it was produced by Phil Spector, the imagery seems rather unsettling in hindsight. Because we all know that Spector would later go to prison for murder.

Each of their groups comes literally gift wrapped.

37. Joe Gibbs Family of Artists: Reggae Christmas

Yet, instead of decorating a Christmas tree, Jamaicans use a pot plant, which kind of works. Okay, maybe not. Still, is it any wonder why we associate reggae music with marijuana?

Apparently, Christmas is a very high time in Jamaica.

38. Scott Weiland: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It seems like this guy’s in a dark alley to get some bootleg albums for his family. Doesn’t seem to have a smile emanating good cheer.

Though Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, his expression says otherwise.

39. Ringo Starr: I Wanna Be Santa Claus

From Music Radar: “Keeping up the collaborative theme, the album art was apparently designed through a colouring competition in McDonalds.” Also, this is from 1999?

Sorry, Ringo, but you seem to look more like the Grinch.

40. Tavin Pumarejo with his Tuna Fish: Trullando en Navidad

I’m not sure waht that has to do with Christmas. But I won’t be surprise if he’s tripping balls by now.

There’s nothing like Christmas like spending time with your dear uh, tuna fish.

41. Horacio Samalot: La Trifuca

To be fair, I’m sure this album was made somewhere in Latin America. But still, Santa and the 3 Wise Men? That can’t be right.

Santa always enjoys to play outside with the Three Wise Men for some reason.

42. Charlie the Hamster with Floyd Robinson: Charlie the Hamster Sing Christmas Songs with Floyd Robinson

There they are in the back of Santa’s sleigh. And it seems that Santa just took notice.

Great we have a Christmas album sung by a hamster.

43. Jul med Yngve Stoor

However, he appears to be sporting a sunburn while he’s playing a guitar. Also, no one wants to see him in a swimsuit.

Santa always enjoys riding the waves in the Pacific.

44. The Most Fabulous Classical Christmas Album Ever

From Classic FM: “We know, we know, it’s not right to play the ‘highbrow’ card when it comes to classical music. But really. Poodles? A sun with a face on it? A sequined sack with a cello coming out of it? Many, many composers are turning in their graves.”

For nothing makes a classical Christmas like a woman in a short dress and poodles on the roof.

45. Howdy Doody’s Christmas Party

Howdy Doody was a popular kid’s show in the 1950s. Though I totally understand if you think it was a horror show with killer clowns and dolls that would haunt your dreams.

Enjoy Christmas with Howdy Doody and his friends, kids.

46. The Yobs: Christmas Album

I’m sure this is kind of intentional. Still, it’s guaranteed to at least offend someone, which is kind of the point.

Seems like these guys are doing everything to get on the naughty list.

47. Christmas Dubstep

Looking at this, you’d think the North Pole was run the same way as the Playboy Mansion. Also, I don’t think yuletide lingerie can keep you from freezing to death in sub zero temperature. But Santa likes what he sees.

Kind of traumatizing to see Santa’s workshop as a sex dungeon.

48. Vienna Boys Choir: Christmas in Vienna

From Classic FM: “You know, this one wouldn’t be so bad if they actually looked like they were enjoying themselves. Even the dog looks clinically fed-up.”

Though the Vienna Boys themselves don’t seem quite merry this time.

49. Kim Se-Hwan: Merry Christmas

From Music Radar: “Normally, skiing without a helmet is considered dangerous, but Kim’s side parting is resin-coated and is strong enough to withstand bullets even when fired from close range.”

You can’t have Christmas in South Korea without some tinsel.

50. Rotary Connection: Peace

Okay, those heads are photoshopped to dolls. Guaranteed to inspire some yuletide nightmares during the season. Yeah, that really creeps me out.

Let’s hope those people on Santa’s lap are elves.

Deck the Halls with These Christmas Craft Projects (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 2, 2017

No matter where you go during the Christmas season, you’re bound to find places all decked up for the holidays. Hell, you see stores all decorated for the holidays after Halloween in anticipation for Black Friday. Yet, even before then, you’ll see stores selling Christmas decorations. Nevertheless, Christmas decorations come in several varieties according to one’s taste. Some are indeed flashy. Some may be more suited for a rustic cabin. Some are cute and kid friendly. While some might be more appropriate for an ugly sweater party. But there are some people who prefer to make their own decorations for their holiday home. Or they may use decorations they or their kids made in previous years. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of creative Christmas craft projects. Enjoy.

How about a cork Rudolph on your Christmas tree?

Sure it’s quite small. But it’s nonetheless endearing to those who look at it.

2. A Christmas bauble wreath will shine in any holiday home.

This one is more pink and green than red and green. But it works.

3. Nothing smells as sweet on Christmas like peppermint trees.

Comes in 2 sizes. But both have their own pots and red ribbons.

4. Celebrate the season with a wood block nativity scene.

Sure it might look a bit unconventional. But if you have kids, it’s safe for them to play with.

5. Curl up on a winter’s night with this Snowman quilt.

He may not have corn cob pipe. But this Frosty the Snowman is in his Christmas finest.

6. Bring holiday cheer to your Christmas tree with these pearly snowflakes.

Of course, the pearl beads aren’t real. But they’ll go well with a chilly reception.

7. These snowman pail will always plant seeds of joy.

Okay, they’re flower pots with pail handles. But each one has a rather unique expression.

8. Nothing brings the holiday spirit like these pallet candles.

Though don’t put these near the fireplace. Since wood is rather flammable.

9. A rustic Christmas basket is exactly what you need for your holiday home.

This one contains berries, branches, pinecones, and lights. Perfect for any yuletide cabin.

10. There’s nothing that smittens like felt ornament mittens.

Sure they’re probably more decorative. But they nonetheless have their own unique charm.

11. You’ll always be safe with this soldier around.

this one is made out of flower pots as an outdoor decoration. Though I wouldn’t want to put it on my front porch.

12. Light up your home with these snowflake bottle lights.

Available in green, red, and blue. Yet, each one is decorated in a winter theme.

13. Nobody could resist a stocking covered in buttons.

Consists of Christmas trees and yellow stars. A charming addition for any fireplace.

14. Don’t have snow to build a snowman? Use logs instead.

Not exactly in the wintry spirit. But hey, it works. Not to mention, you can use these again next year.

15. Welcome your yuletide guests with a yarn ball winter wreath.

This one has yarn balls of every shade of white, gray, and brown. Along with a few snowflakes, of course.

16. Celebrate the season with a Santa burlap wreath.

This one just consist of white burlap and a Santa hat. Just simple to make as that.

17. Make your home festive with a Christmas chandelier.

Well, if you have a chandelier in your home, why not decorate it? Then again, step ladders aren’t always steady.

18. If you’re old fashioned, you might want to go with some crocheted angels.

Available in pink, yellow, and blue. Great either for centerpieces or tree toppers.

19. Have your little one cuddle with this amigurumi reindeer.

Sure it may not be Rudolph. But it’s nonetheless adorable for the holidays.

20. Light up the season with this light up marquee.

Sure it makes a rather grand impression. But you have to love the candy cane stripes.

21. Dress your little snowflake like Frosty in this tutu costume.

Comes with a crocheted scarf and hat. But she’ll certainly adore this as far as I know.

22. You’ll be transported to a winter wonderland with this wreath.

This one is quite fuzzy. But you have to admire the deer among the trees.

23. You’d find berries a plenty on this wreath.

Even includes a red flower with branches. Wonderful for any holiday home.

24. Got too many gift bows? How about make a wreath?

This one consists of bows in green, red, and white. They may not be essential as gift wrap. But they’re not half bad.

25. Bring tidings of comfort and joy with these Santa baskets.

Each one of these has a Santa face with hat fastener. Perfect for under the tree.

26. Hang your merry mail on this wooden card holder.

Just consists of a wooden board with string and clothespins. If you have many cards, this is the board for you.

27. For a more rustic charm, you can’t do wrong with this sled.

You might not sled with this. But you have to love how it’s painted in red and white.

28. Snuggle during the holidays with these snowflake cushions.

These are in shiny red with a snowflake on it. Not sure if it goes with the chair though.

29. Bring in the season with these holiday sheep.

They’re knitted with a small ornament around their necks. Quite invented and adorable.

30. Keep your home minty fresh with this candy cane wreath.

Consists of mini candy canes and small baubles. Like the ribbon in the front.

31. Grace your coffee table with this log candle holder.

This just consists of a long log with small candles on it. And you have some branches, pinecones, and berries underneath.

32. Place your pot on this crocheted Santa hot pad.

Kind of seems like a flattened Santa for some reason. Though it has a certain charm to it.

33. Make your home a winter wonderland with this yarn wreath.

Decorated with snowflakes and buttons. Contains snowballs and a large snowflake in the center.

34. A wreath with a pair of skates should always go with a sled.

Looks great against the tree. Comes with pinecones and a burlap bow.

35. Perhaps you might want a small nativity scene.

Consists of Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and a sheep. And the figures are all made of felt.

36. Bring in the festive holiday season with this pallet box train under your tree.

Even includes a candy cane smokestack and peppermint wheels. Perfect for outdoors on the porch.

37. For holiday shimmer perhaps add a wire angel to your tree.

Consists of gold wire with shiny beads. And yes, it’s a rather pretty Christmas ornament.

38. A festive holiday home should always have a decomesh bauble wreath at the door.

Consists of baubles and silver string. Certainly shines for the holiday season doesn’t it?

39. Nothing captivates your family like these wooden Christmas figures.

These are made of wooden balls and wear red felt hats. And yes, they’re quite cute.

40. A jewelry Christmas tree will shine on your wall.

Consists of gold and pearls against a white background. Love it.

41. Be a maven in the kitchen in these Christmas aprons.

Comes with a child size snowman one for your favorite little helper. Still, you have to adore the Christmas tree design.

42. You can have a Christmas tree anywhere. Even on your wall.

Well, at least that’s a show of creativity. Just put a bunch of wall stuff in the form of a Christmas tree.

43. Every holiday bouquet should come with pinecones.

Don’t forget the glistening leaves, too. Sure they are no flowers. But what kind of flower do you associate Christmas with anyway? Well, besides the poinsettia.

44. Make your bannister the ultimate penguin slide.

Couldn’t do that at my house. But you have to adore all the penguins having fun. So cute.

45. You won’t get a chilly reception with these snowmen.

Yes, it just consists of their heads. But you have to admire the hat and scarves.

46. Have your guests hang their coat on these hooks.

It’s a wooden sign that says “Merry Christmas.” And it consists of red and green blocks.

47. A Christmas tree dress should come in all the trimmings.

Yes, I’m bringing in these on my post again. Yet, at least this one is rather color coordinated.

48. A jeweled Christmas tree should always have shiny stones.

This one has pairs of earrings on a velvet background. Love the star on top and the belt buckle base.

49. There’s nothing festive on Christmas like a peacock wreath.

Decorated with baubles, feathers, and fake plants. Great for anyone hosting a Christmas party.

50. These pallet trees will always stand out.

Consists of different configurations. Though I like the one with the revers chevrons.

51. A stunning snowflake should always have 6 points.

This one has beads on wires. But it’s perfect for any Christmas tree.

52. Perhaps you’d like these candy cane pillars in your winter wonderland?

The pillars have red and striped baubles of varying size. The planter contains small red and white ones though.

53. Nothing celebrates the Christmas spirit like an evergreen snowflake wreath.

I know you might think it’s strange. But you can almost make anything with an evergreen garland.

54. Always let it snow with this winter wreath.

This one has a sled that says “Let It Snow” along with snowflakes. Like the white ribbon.

55. There’s something minty about this wreath.

Well, it’s a wreath with peppermints on it. Doesn’t mean you can eat these candies though. In fact, you shouldn’t if they have glue on them.

56. Let your little elf cuddle with this crocheted snowman.

He’s clad in a vest, scarf, and Santa hat. Love the snowflakes on his green feet.

57. A snowball wreath is perfect for a winter’s day.

Well, the snowballs are most likely made from styrofoam. But the red ribbon gives a nice holiday touch.

58. Check out this lit up Santa sign.

And yes, it carries Santa’s catchphrase, “Ho, Ho, Ho.” Love the lights.

59. Celebrate the reason for the season with this peg doll nativity scene.

The three kings seem to have tiaras in this one. Still, these are so cute.

60. You’d need a heart of ice to resist this polar bear on the back of this chair.

This one has a Santa hat, holly, and a scarf. But you just want to hug it.

61. Wish everyone a “Merry Christmas” with these pine cone trees.

These just consist of pinecones with stars on them. And each one has its own pot.

62. Don’t forget to decorate your Christmas tree.

This tree is made with baubles within a frame. And yes, they’re all shiny and in different colors.

63. No winter wonderland is complete without a wreath like this.

Contains white berries, pinecones, and frosted branches. Great for any snowy day.

64. Your guests will be delighted with this Christmas window.

Sure the snowmen are painted. But you have to admit who doesn’t want to see these guys?

65. Perhaps a wreath can do with a plaid bow or two.

May look suited for a rustic cabin. Got to love the branches and pine cones.

66. Celebrate the season with this unconventional Advent calendar.

This one consists of pails with a little surprise in each one. The last one has a golden present.

67. You might be charmed with this Christmas pallet.

This one has a snowman and a star along with the words “Do you see what I see?” Great for any home.

68. Your kitchen is a winter wonderland with this muffin tin.

This is painted red with snowmen. Not for actual muffins but cute.

69. A decomesh snowman wreath won’t give you a frosty reception.

You’ll find it has a corn cob pipe, a button nose, and two eyes made out of coal. Though don’t expect it to come alive with a silk hat.

70. Don’t like wreaths? Hang this candy cane on your door.

This one has baubles and ribbons. Made with an evergreen branch.

71. Got old socks? Make snowmen out of them.

Each one has a little sock hat. Love the scarves. So adorable.

72. A ribbon and a couple flowers go well on a grapevine Christmas wreath.

Well, the ribbon and burlap wrap around the grapevine wreath. Includes pine cones and branches.

73. A red ribbon and jeweled belt buckle go well on a glass candle holder.

Well, certainly makes for a flashy Christmas decoration. Goes well on a table.

74. You’d love to be snowed in with these shutters.

All these shutters are white with scarves and black hats. And yes, they’re the most adorable assortment you’ll see.

75. Count down to Christmas with this felt Advent calendar.

Each day has an image related to the yuletide season. And you have Santa for Christmas Eve.

76. Don’t like wreaths? Why not hang some painted skates?

This pair depicts 2 different snowmen. Okay, one has a snowman. The other has a snow woman.

77. A Christmas wreath should always have some bundled branches.

This one contains some berries and pine cones, too. Love the ribbon though.

78. Every holiday kitchen matron should wear her own gingerbread apron.

Has a striped outfit with polka dot bows. Perfect for anyone who cooks Christmas dinner.

79. Perhaps I might interest you with a square Christmas wreath?

Other than the shape, seems to resemble a regular Christmas wreath. The red really stands out on this one.

80. Nothing makes your holidays bright like this painted dining chair.

This one’s painted blue with 3 snowmen. Contains holly leaves and berries on the back.

81. A snowman on a pallet always needs lights.

This one has an evergreen garland along a red pallet. Snowman looks sort of faded near the nose.

82. Dress your fireplace with this garland of baubles.

This is a rather colorful garland. Guaranteed to be a hit for festive Christmas parties.

83. With this branch hanging, you can put your family portraits.

And it seems that this one has 5 immediate members. Yet, you have to admire the baubles on this thing.

84. Care for a Christmas tree sled?

Though don’t use it to slide down a hill in the snow. Still, love the green.

85. You’ll always have a winter wonderland with this snow glass block.

You can even put lights in this like this one. And they certainly make the snowflakes stand out.

86. I’m sure you guests will be pleased with this Santa hanging.

Not sure what this is made of. But it certainly has a rustic feel to go well in any cottage.

87. Instead of a traditional wreath, perhaps go with a large poinsettia flower?

Though poinsettias are only seen during the Christmas season. Nevertheless, you have to love the petals and center.

88. With this Christmas wreath, you’ll find plenty of white berries.

Well, it at least gives an impression of snow. But you have to admire the bow.

89. This Christmas, you might want to hang some baubles to a frame.

And the baubles have snowflakes on them. Comes with a red frame and a green bow.

90. How about a Christmas tree made from twigs?

You’ll find plenty of decorations on here, too. Some of them appear to be small baubles for some reason.

91. You can’t have a Christmas bauble wreath without some snowflakes.

Sure it’s more suited for a winter theme. But it’s perfect for any winter wonderland.

92. You can count the days to Christmas with this Advent calendar.

This one is a simple red board with numbers inscribed. Just use a dry erase when you circle the day.

93. There’s nothing more festive during the holidays like a feathery Christmas tree.

Goes well with the snow. It’s a fine addition to any holiday home. Like the star.

94. For a rustic Christmas, place these wooden candles at the door.

These are just made from plain old logs. And they include matching flames and stars.

95. Bring in the magic of Christmas with a skate filled with evergreen branches and candy canes.

Well, it also contains other leaves and holly berries. And the red plaid bow makes a rather seasonal touch.

96. Store some of Christmas cookies in these flower pot snowman jars.

Though you might want to patch the bottoms. Still, these snowmen have such sweet smiles. Like the hats, too.

97. For those who’ve lost loved ones, you might want this Christmas decoration with an empty chair.

Kind of timely for me since I lost my grandfather in January this year. This year will be my first Christmas without him.

98. A candy cane snowflake could use some bows.

Or rather quite small ones. Still, you have to admire the fine design here. Lovely.

99. Deck your Christmas tree with your set of crocheted ornaments.

Each of these shows an aspect of the Christmas season. Are great for any tree.

100. If you love the wildlife, perhaps a snowy owl might suit you for the holidays.

After all, a snowy owl always blends in with the wintry forest. Love it.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen on These Christmas Treats (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 1, 2017

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Naturally, a particular staple of Christmas is all the food. You may have ham or turkey as the main course for Christmas dinner along with potatoes, veggies, and other sides. For desserts, you may have all kinds of cakes, pies, cookies, and others. And yes, I’m sure plenty of people tend to gorge themselves on Christmas goodies that they might hit the gym come January as losing weight might be on their New Years’ resolutions. Still, plenty of people just can’t resist what’s on this Christmas table. Still, on this post, you’re more likely to find Christmas treats with yuletide motifs like snowflakes, Santas, wreaths, trees, snowmen, nativity scenes, and the like. And you might even see a penguin or two, since they’re cute creatures in the ice and snow though they don’t live at the North Pole. Nevertheless, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Christmas goodies.

Wake up on Christmas morning with this pancake Santa Claus.

Well, this is on a muffin tin. But you have to admire the hat and beard.

2. You can’t have Christmas dinner with some cheesy Christmas tree buns.

Sure I’ve showed buns before in previous treat posts. But these have cheese on them.

3. A Christmas tree cupcake should always have 3 tiers.

Yes, that’s a lot of cupcake. But the tiers are all different sizes for the shape. Though it looks straight out of Dr. Seuss.

4. Nothing beats your Christmas dessert platter like a Santa cake.

Well, this only uses half of Santa. But it’s nevertheless adorable for any dessert platter.

5. This Christmas, you can’t go wrong with chocolate trees.

Yes, I had treats like these on posts before. But this one has sprinkles.

6. Instead of a gingerbread house, go with a pretzel stick one.

Yes, it’s quite rustic looking. And the roof is made of Chex. Love the windows.

7. I’m sure your elves would adore these Christmas tree Rice Krispie treats.

Yes, I had a Christmas tree treat like this before. But this one uses M&M minis for decor.

8. Speaking of Rice Krispies, how about a Rice Krispie wreath?

This mostly uses red M&Ms and you can’t eat the bow. But it makes a nice yuletide touch.

9. Impress your Christmas guests with this Christmas tree appetizer tray.

You’ll find plenty of grapes, carrots, cucumbers, and cheeses on this. Only thing you can’t eat is the star.

10. Nothing makes a delightful winter treat like snowman cupcakes.

Each of these is in blue and white winter gear. And yes, they all have adorable faces.

11. Make your holiday season sparkle with some Christmas light treats.

Available in several different colors. Great for party favors or dessert platter.

12. Give your peanut butter fudge has a gingery touch.

Sure they may not taste like gingerbread men. But they’re certainly in some gingerly shape.

13. You’ll find plenty of veggies on this Christmas tree appetizer tray.

Consists of broccoli, carrots, olives, cherry tomatoes, pretzels, and cheese. Great for any party platter.

14. Make your Christmas Eve so bright with some reindeer cupcakes.

Each one has pretzel antlers, chocolate ears, along with icing eyes and an M&M and wafer nose. And yes, Rudolph is always in the lead.

15. No cold night should be without these North Pole bites.

Each one is covered in red and white icing with a candy cane on top. Perfect for a dessert platter near you.

16. For an easy Christmas treat, try making some of these pinwheel cookies.

Each of these is rolled in dough of white, red, and green. Enjoy.

17. Grace your dessert platter with a Christmas wreath cake.

Yes, it’s a square cake that’s professionally made. But you have to admire the icing ribbon.

18. You can’t resist these snowflake cookies for a wintry treat.

Each of these has a unique shape and size. And each is covered in either flower or sugar.

19. For Christmas, you can do no wrong with this fruity wreath.

Consists of berries, kiwi, and apples. Great for parties if you want more healthy options.

20. Keep your Christmas party cozy with this Yule log cake.

Yes, it gives a rather Christmasy impression. Of course, you can see only part of it.

21. No Christmas party can be complete without some yuletide bites.

I know these are either cake bites or chocolates. But let’s hope they didn’t come from a chocolate box.

22. Keep your Christmas candy in a gingerbread train.

And it’s painted in red, blue, and white icing. Also, consists of a set of wheels.

23. For a festive Christmas, grace your appetizer platter with a Christmas tree cheese.

Goes well with crackers. Covered with horse radish and pepper pieces.

24. Snowman pancakes are perfect for any chilly morning.

Has a bacon scarf and is on top some marshmallows. So cute.

25. These snowman cookies come in so many layers.

Then again, they might have cakes on top. But they’re certainly an adorable treat for a cold day.

26. Make it a festive Christmas with some Oreo ornaments.

Amazing what you can do with Oreos. Some of them have sprinkles. Others have Christmas M&Ms.

27. North Pole bites always make a quality winter treat.

These are different from the ones I had on earlier. For they’re in a different shape with a candy cane stick.

28. Christmas tree cake pops always look nice in snowy white.

Though it mostly doesn’t snow where I live on Christmas. Also, these are covered in sprinkles.

29. You could view these Christmas gingerbread cookies as ornate.

Definitely professionally made and rather expensive. But I do like the roses on the sleigh.

30. For a frosty treat, you can’t go wrong with an ice cream snowman.

And yes, this snowman is certainly frosty. Best served on a cold winter day.

31. Deck your halls with these Rice Krispie ornaments.

Are either in red and green. Has licorice and a lifesaver on top.

32. Impress your guests with some bruschetta on a Christmas wreath.

Toppings mostly consist of broccoli and cherry tomatoes. Perfect as an appetizer.

33. Keep your veggies in line with your very own edible Christmas train.

Each train car is made of a bell pepper and cucumber slices. Dips are in the center though. You have to admire the creativity on this one.

34. Every green bite like these should always have Christmas lights.

Well, anything resembling Christmas lights. Still, these are kind of clever.

35. Every appetizer platter should have a present made of cheese.

This one has pepper bits and celery ribbon. Goes great with crackers.

36. Gingerbread Christmas trees could always do with a little frosting.

Yes, I know Christmas trees are green. But you don’t have to do much decorating with these.

37. Wish your guests “Happy Holidays,” with these cakes.

These cakes have cookie frames with sayings inscribed. What they say, is up to you.

38. You can’t go wrong with these reindeer cookies in Santa’s sleigh.

Yes, these are professionally made. but you can tell which one of these is Rudolph.

39. Please your guests with this Christmas tree veggie platter.

This one consists of peppers, broccoli, cherry tomatoes, cauliflower, and pretzels. And it has a square dip tray on the side.

40. For those with ugly Christmas sweaters, use these cookies.

People will always love their ugly Christmas sweaters. These may be professionally made. But once you have the cookie cutter for them, you can decorate each one however you want.

41. For those celebrating Christmas in Hawaii, you might want to go with cookies like these.

Though I can’t really see a Christmas without snow and ice. But whatever.

42. On this Rice Krispie treat, this mouse is snug in its bed.

Now this is quite creative. Really Like the candy cane bed posts. So cute.

43. Out in the country, you can’t go without this Christmas cabin.

This one even has a reindeer head on the front. Also perfect for deer hunting season.

44. No Seuss fan can ever resist this Grinchy cake.

And this one just uses a simple round cake painted green with a Santa hat. Still, love the smile.

45. You’ll find this Christmas tree appetizer platter especially cheesy.

The pickles on these are the only green on this one. But it’s mostly cheese.

46. You can always tear away a cupcake in this wreath.

Includes some holly and a bow. But at least you don’t have to cut it since it’s made of cupcakes.

47. Have a frosty dessert with these snowman cake pops.

Each of these has a red scarf and Santa hat. Oh, and they have a stick coming out of their heads.

48. Should you have a chilly Christmas, how about an igloo cheese ball?

You can even put penguins beside it. Sure they may not be from the North Pole. But they’re adorable and are often associated with winter.

49. Grace your dessert platter with this fancy Christmas tree cake.

This one has plenty of trimmings in white, green, and red. And it’s all topped with a bow.

50. Christmas tree sandwiches make a great yuletide lunch.

These all have cucumber slices and pepper tree stars. Not sure if they’re exactly in my taste.

51. Children will delight in these penguin cookies.

These are peanut cookies decorated with chocolate icing. And yes, they’re so cute you could eat them up.

52. You can’t go wrong waking up to this Santa pancake.

His eyes are made of banana slices and chocolate chip. His hat consists of strawberries. and his beard is mostly whipped cream.

53. A Christmas cake always makes an ideal Christmas present.

Ironically this is a present cake. Not sure what I think about the green spots. But I like the red ribbon.

54. If you love Christmas, then you’ll adore this Grinch cake.

Well, I had a similar cake in a previous post. But it’s nevertheless, in the Seussical fashion.

55. You’d swear this Christmas tree was all celery.

Well, almost. It’s more of a Christmas tree veggie tray with other veggies as decorations.

56. Welcome the winter magic with these snowflake cookies.

Okay, you might have a few Christmas trees here. But each of these gives you holiday cheer.

57. You can’t have a Christmas party without a treat train.

And yes, it consists of Twinkies and Rice Krispie treats along with candy canes. Love the trees in the background.

58. No yuletide dessert platter is complete without a Christmas tree cupcake cake.

The ornaments on this mainly consist of peanut M&Ms. Still, be free to tear away.

59. Perhaps a Christmas wreath can give you some tasty buns.

And there’s even some dip in the middle. Nevertheless, while a wreath is green, these buns are golden brown.

60. Warm yourself by the fire with some melting snowmen smores.

Strange, since you can’t roast smores in cold weather. But these are quite clever.

61. If you don’t like Christmas tree veggie trays, may I suggest one of Santa?

Consists of peppers, cauliflower, cucumber slices, olives, and cherry tomatoes. The fuzz ball is the dip by the way.

62. A Christmas cake with candy cane is just as sweet.

Well, the candy canes are used for a Christmas tree. Also has peppermints on the base.

63. A Christmas pizza should always have a few Santa hats.

Well, the hats are made of pepperoni and cheese. But yes, they’re a grand yuletide touch.

64. Though you’ve heard of a gingerbread house, you probably haven’t seen a gingerbread castle.

Well, it more or less looks like a candy fort. But it seems like something you’d see in a Mario game.

65. Nothing could make you resist these penguin Oreos.

These have M&M ear muffs. As to why penguins would need them, I’m not so sure. But they’re cute.

66. This Christmas candle cake will light up your holidays.

Sure the flames may be fake. But you’d almost think these were real.

67. For a simple treat, how about some reindeer pretzels?

Requires regular and waffle pretzels, Hershey’s kisses, and M&Ms. And yes, they all have a red nose.

68. Instead of poinsettias, give your sweetheart a poinsettia cupcake bouquet.

I’m sure anyone would enjoy that more. Because poinsettias are usually thrown away after the Christmas season. But cupcakes are usually eaten by that time.

69. You can tear away at this candy cane cake.

Since these are mostly cupcakes. But each is in its own stripe.

70. Get up on Christmas morning to some Christmas tree pancakes.

They just consist of smaller pancakes as you go up. And this one is topped by a candle star.

71. You’d have to be the Grinch to hate these Christmas pups.

However, I must tell you not to buy a puppy or any other animal for Christmas. Seriously, owning a pet is a commitment and responsibility which shouldn’t be taken lightly. Nevertheless, these are cute.

72. Nightmare Before Christmas fans will enjoy these Jack Skellington cookies.

These ones have him with a Santa hat. Perfect for Tim Burton fans.

73. You can’t find anything colorful like these Santa truffles.

Each Santa on these has a different color suit. And each Santa has a sign.

74. Help yourself to some of these hot chocolate cups.

The cups are made of marshmallows and candy canes. And yes, each have red sprinkles on them.

75. With cookies like these you’ll certainly have a festive Christmas.

Yes, it’s a plate of sugar cookies from a bakery. But they’re all richly decorated with icing.

76. You’ll find Santa sleeping on this cake.

Hopefully, not on Christmas Eve. But you never know. Still, this is cute.

77. Light up the holidays with these Christmas cookies.

And yes, these bulbs seem rather cheery. Until one of them burns out.

78. There’s something out of place with this Christmas cake house.

Seems like it’s straight from a Dr. Seuss story. But unlike some of the houses I see, this has some degree of character.

79. Cheer yourself to some floating polar bear cookies.

Yes, these have polar bears just lounging around. But yes, they’re adorable.

80. There’s nothing delightful on Christmas than Santa at the fire.

And yes, the tree is quite sentient on this cake. But you have to adore this. So lovely.

NSFW Elf on the Shelf (a. k. a. the Post I Ruin a Stupid Christmas Tradition) (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 27, 2017

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As we head into the Christmas season, children everywhere will be under Santa’s North Pole surveillance program by sending a little visitor to make sure they’re good enough for Christmas presents. The fact this cherubic elf is incredibly creepy is indisputable. However, what you may not know is that these elves on the shelves have a rather dark side. When you’re not looking, these terrifying elves can do rather unspeakable acts. After all, the elves can only “move” whenever the family is asleep or away from home. So you never know what your elf on the shelf might be up to during those unsupervised hours. Therefore, since so many elves on the shelves don’t conform to behavioral standards behind closed doors, I suggest that parents keep a good eye on their resident Elf on the Shelf and report any shenanigans to Santa at 1-800-555-BAD-ELF1. In the meantime, take some time to look at another assortment of Elves on the Shelves who belong on Santa’s “naughty list.” By the way, most of these pictures aren’t for kids or are safe for work.

Looks like Ken and Blinky have something special for Barbie this year.

Guess this is based on “Dick in a Box.” Yeah, we know what’s in those gifts.

2. What the hell is Crinkle doing with that dog?

Seems like he has a pair of pliers. Okay, maybe I really don’t want to know here.

3. Once in awhile, Dangles likes to blow off steam.

He’s quite the sharpshooter. He could take down a bunch of birds all by himself.

4. “Say your prayers, Elmo.”

And we know Rinkly means business. So Elmo better give him what he wants or he’s history.

5. The Lego minifigs had enough with Buddy.

Though could you really blame them? We all know Buddy is a menace.

6. Nothing to see here but Bronco Billy and Plinko in a tent.

Bet this is a take off on Brokeback Mountain. Though whatever happens on the trail doesn’t always stay there.

7. Flicker just has to get a huff from the Elmer’s.

Yes, Flicker just needs whiff of the old school glue. Shame that Frosty hasn’t staged an intervention.

8. Flingle wants you to see his Budweiser sleigh.

Well, at least it’s quite Christmasy if you think about it. Still, this isn’t a family friendly Christmas display. Unless you’re a redneck of course. Though this might be an exception than the rule.

9. Seems like toys like to have their own fun once in awhile.

No, Glinkle! Can’t you see Barbie’s wasted? That date rape territory! Jesus!

1o. You might want to watch what’s in your kitchen.

He’s in the spatula jar isn’t he? I have a really bad feeling about this guy.

11. Dinkle Does was just doing some doodles.

Though I’m sure that doesn’t seem to reflect well on the kid. Yet, the kid seems quite young. Still, let’s just call it plain vandalism.

12. Apparently, Ken just went to far pissing off Vinkly.

So Vinkly chopped his head and put it in the tub. Though the whole scene was a mess. Yes, Vinkly is a sick bastard.

13. Once you go with Elf on the Shelf, you may never get rid of him.

And let’s just say, Ollie means business. Seriously, you better let him in before he kills you and your family.

14. Seems like Baxter has really made a mess on Sleigh Bell.

Okay, is that what I think it is? All right, kids, nothing to see here. You’ll know what’s going on here when you’re older.

15. Wonder why Tinklo’s wearing the bow on his, oh, never mind.

Is this a sex thing? Because if it is, I really don’t want to know. Still, I’m sure Elves on the Shelves must have their own “needs.”

16. Let’s hope that gun’s not loaded.

Otherwise, Tillo will cause some sort of “accident.” Let’s hope nobody’s home if that happens.

17. “Any last words, Woody?”

Oh, no, Gringlo’s got Woody tied up and is dragging him blindfold. Jesus Christ!

18. Sometimes Hank just wants to sit back and relax to a magazine.

I’m sure he only reads Playboy for the articles. Okay, maybe not.

19. Dinkle always goes for a Cold 45.

I guess this is a takeoff of the Billy Dee Williams Colt 45 ads. And yes, Dinkle is dressed as a pimp.

20. Behold, the Elvish Centipede.

Yes, this is horrifying. Well, it’s kind of supposed to be. After all, it’s a takeoff on The Human Centipede.

21. Inky just wants to make a late night visit.

Though the fact he left a rose at the windowsill might mean he’s creeping around. Sorry, but I don’t think she’s interested.

22. You don’t want to see Gumble when he’s drunk on gin.

He has an exactor knife in one hand and a gun in the other. And yes, he intends to use both.

23. Even Chuckie is scared of Elf on the Shelf.

Yes, Chuckie, we all know the Elf on the Shelf is a creepy as hell. But it’s remarkable for you since you’re straight out of a horror movie.

24. Bumble always likes to film dolls in the shower.

Sure she might be in towels. But Bumble is a very patient elf. Unless the doll shoos him out of the bathroom.

25. Best not to let Wilco in the kids’ rooms during the night.

Looks like he painted a little girl’s face. And I be he’ll blame that on her siblings if she has any.

26. “Perhaps you might want to try this.”

That’s a pregnancy test. Also, can toys really get pregnant? And is that elf the father?

27. Apparently, Paulie messed with the wrong swordfighter.

And there he lies in a chalk outline on a tiled floor. Though to be fair, the sword seemed kind of on the heavy side for him.

28. Oh, no! Snowball’s tied up Barbie on the train tracks!

Apparently, Barbie must’ve pissed him off somehow. But will someone come the rescue? Or will Barbie come to a horrendous death on the rails?

29. Apparently, Barbie and Clinker decided to tie the knot.

Though Clinker seems to take marriage as a ball and chain. I don’t see this lasting more than 5 years.

30. “Draw me like one of your French girls.”

Sure it’s a spoof off of a key scene in Titanic. But unlike Leonardo DiCaprio, Tinkler looks more like a creep.

31. Seems like Blinkle has written us a song.

Okay, maybe I don’t want to know what the song’s about. Since it doesn’t end well.

32. Once in awhile, Kringle pays a visit to Santa.

Well, that’s very disturbing. No, please don’t sit on Santa that way. Please.

33. “Quick put him in while he’s still tied up.”

Because since Jingler has been such a creep, Beetlejuice and Pee Wee Herman put him in the wood stove. I’m sure he won’t escape once the metal door shuts.

34. Looks like Ginger has gotten herself in a serious accident.

I’m sure she was warned about skiing down the high rise. But she didn’t listen.

35. Vincent Price isn’t pleased with Nibbler.

So he put that good for nothing elf in a pumpkin bin. Serves Nibbler right.

36. Apparently, Santa doesn’t pay his elves well at the North Pole.

So Quigley decided to turn to prostitution. Sure he may not be gay, but $20 is $20.

37. No, Jingles, you don’t draw on the baby.

But Jingles don’t care. Because like the honey badger, he don’t give a shit. Also, who’s Jordan?

38. “Now they will never find the body here.”

I’m sure they’ll find who Sparky killed in the cat’s litter box. Only takes a matter of time.

39. “Tonight’s special is Rudolph on the rotisserie.”

Poor Rudolph. I’m sure he never deserved to be reduced to venison. Tingler is a sick bastard.

40. Ingler can’t resist the sugar.

Yeah, he knows he has a substance abuse problem. But sometimes he has to satisfy his fix.

41. In this week’s TIME issue: Are You Elf Enough?

This is a parody of that one TIME cover with a woman who breastfed her son for far too long. But yes, it’s just as unsettling.

42. Even the hotdogs don’t like seeing Jimble on a bun.

Okay, that’s kind of weird. But the hotdog people is nevertheless a creative touch.

43. “The Parnells won’t know what got them.”

And with that, Wingler injected poison into the turkey. All the Parnells ended up in the hospital that very night.

44. “I’m just doing drug research, seriously.”

So why Flingle lives is a box is beyond me. By the way, I doubt if he’d use the cocaine for “research.” He has a problem.

45. Riggle has something to say for Christmas.

I’m sure such sentiment will put that elf on the naughty list. Because being evil is bad.

46. Oh, no, Pinky’s caused a train wreck.

And there we have Thomas the Tank Engine in flames. I’m sure Pinky’s maliciously cackling by now.

47. Charlie doesn’t care what you think about him.

This is supposed to be an Elf on the Shelf version of Charlie Sheen. And let’s just say he’s got a self-destructive side.

48. Seems like Ralphie’s taking this 50 Shades of Grey thing too far.

And apparently, he’s doing a few tricks to Barbie. Barbie, get the hell out of there! He’s abusing you!

49. Sometimes Linker likes to sit back and go fishing.

Uh, Linker, I think pet fish are off limits. Seriously, you don’t want to upset the kids.

50. Looks like Quizler’s gone online.

I see he’s looking at porn, right? I’m sure Susie’s parents won’t be happy about this.

51. Elker needs to satisfy his dark passenger.

I know this is another Dexter Elf on the Shelf. But this one has plenty of Christmas imagery. Besides, Elker needs Ken to pay.

52. “Wanna light?”

I don’t think you’re allowed to smoke here. Besides, secondhand smoke kills people, too.

53. Sometimes when you have to go, you gotta go.

And it seems he’s taking to bottles. Still, how much does he drink. He’s peeing like a storm here.

54. Oh, look, Hinky’s playing Scrabble with the cat.

And I see things have gotten scatological. Also, how can a cat learn to play Scrabble?

55. Best we not disturb Yodler here.

Don’t be ashamed. Everyone goes to the bathroom. Maybe best to shut the door.

56. Rex has had it with Pringles.

Okay, I can’t really blame Rex here. After all, the whole Elf on the Shelf thing is just creepy.

57. Looks like Wyatt really likes to doodle.

Yet, it seems like he’s put his own spin on the parents’ wedding picture. Boy, he sure doesn’t care for them.

58. “Sorry, Chuckles, but this place isn’t big enough for the both of us.”

Though I’m not sure if Zlinky has done a service or not. After all, clowns are pretty scary in the moonlight.

59. Oh, no, what has Clingo done to Fluffy?

I guess Fluffy’s in the microwave. Oh, my God, please let me be wrong.

60. Minky has a message for Santa.

And it seems like he wrote all that graffiti on the bathroom wall. Let’s hope he didn’t do it with a Sharpie.

61. Dazzler must’ve received a special award that’s just arrived.

That’s the legendary leg lamp from Christmas Story. I know it’s in poor taste, but that lamp has become a popular Christmas decoration since.

62. Elser loves to make it rain.

And he appears to wipe the Micklesons out at the bank. Bet they’re dreading their credit card bills.

63. Reggie sometimes likes to soak in the hot tub.

And here he’s with a couple of Barbies. Yes, you have a lot of perverted elves out there.

64. If you think these elves were bad in your house, just look what they do to each other.

Yes, these elves are all tied to a ceiling fan. And yes, it looks straight out of a horror movie.

65. Hinkler has developed an interest in pottery.

Okay, this makes the famous Ghost scene more terrifying. Don’t like how Hinkler’s looking over the Barbie’s shoulder.

66. Looks like Ike’s gone all Norman Bates.

Yes, he’s quite the Psycho all right. You can see the blood everywhere on this bathroom.

67. Seems like Flister wants something.

Oh, I see. Well, I guess these elves have “needs.” But still, I hope he doesn’t ring for it.

68. “Prepare to die, Kenny Boy.”

Yes, I have another Dexter one. But still, you can’t really get enough of these.

69. What does Glinger have with him?

Is that Santa’s head? Oh, Jesus Christ! And I thought Elves were supposed to be Santa’s trusted lieutenants.

70. What the hell has happened to Quincy?

Is he supposed to be a kidnap victim? Then again, it’s not like I’d pay the ransom on him.

71. Dashy knows his way around a car.

He says he fixed the brakes. But he’s wielding a pair of pliers. That can’t be good. So best not use your car until you talk to your mechanic.

72. The Lego minifigs have made their stand clear.

And they Spinkler tied up where they want him. Still, I can’t blame these guys for doing so.

73. Okay, what did Dinkybins do to the Furby?

Oh, he removed the batteries because he wouldn’t shut up. Wonder why.

74. “Open Gangelf Style.”

It’s a take off of “Gangnam Style.” Let’s just say it’s a Korean music video that went viral worldwide and leave it at that.

75. Oh, no, what’s Quinkler doing to Frosty the Snowman?

He’s putting Frosty into the combine! Please, somebody make him stop! I can’t watch.

76. No, Derek, you weren’t supposed to see that.

Apparently, the elf caught the parents having sex. Yes, it’s as horrifying as it sounds.

77. Seems like Flisher needs to find where this minifig needs to go.

That’s supposed to be Alan from The Hangover. You know the guy who basically screws everything up in those movies.

78. At least Batman and Superman can agree on something.

They may disagree with each other. But both Batman and Superman believe that Silco must go for the good of the Sirica house.

79. Daniel Day Elf is sure in an emancipatory mood.

Of course, we all know what happened to Lincoln. Nevertheless, this is pretty funny.

80. What’s Vinky doing with the scissors?

Don’t tell me he’s cutting off the mattress tag. They always instruct owners not to remove them for a reason.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Holy Shit Vintage Christmas Advertising of Yesterday (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 24, 2017

Now that Thanksgiving is over, it’s onto the Christmas season. And since it starts on Black Friday, I begin my holiday blog roll with my 4th annual Christmas ad post. Of course, I featured one depicting Santa Claus advertising Coca Cola. Yes, I know he’s not setting a good example since he’s promoting a soft drink that’s responsible for obesity and diabetes. But his association with Coca Cola is so well known that it’s iconic. Though as we’ve all seen, Coca Cola hasn’t been the only company to use Santa Claus to sell their product. In fact, far from it. Nor has Coca Cola been the first company to do so. Nevertheless, you’ll find plenty of ads plastered all over the place for Black Friday sales despite that you’re better off shopping for Christmas gifts in December. So if you have anything better to do, perhaps you might want to look into another installment of these vintage ads. Of course, you might think they’re filled with rosy imagery meant to tingle at your nostalgia. But I usually go for the ones that haven’t aged so well and contain disturbing implications. Whether it’s accidental innuendos, creepy kids, bad health advice, and what not. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of crazy vintage Christmas ads.

Want your Christmas happiness to last year round? Get a View Master.

And somehow Santa looks like he’s creepily enjoying your vacation photos. Face seems to suggest, “Guess little Johnny’s getting clothes for Christmas this year.”

2. Camel and Prince Albert always say “Merry Christmas with every puff.”

Because there’s nothing endearing on Christmas like the gift of lung cancer. Nevertheless, Santa sets a horrible example for children.

3. Always be choosey on Christmas with a new phone.

Though if you give someone a regular phone nowadays, they’d be like “You got to be kidding me.” Because most of us use cell phone now.

4. Nothing beats Christmas like a new Smith Corona typewriter.

And yes, girls go really crazy about this typewriter. Though seeing the girl’s face in the front might freak you out.

5. Reynolds aluminum wrapping paper is pure Christmas magic.

The wife’s all over how the gifts shine and sparkle under the Christmas tree. And the husband’s like, “Looks like I’m getting laid tonight.”

6. This year, make your Christmas an Avon Christmas.

Yet, the girl doesn’t really seem very enthusiastic about the make up display. In some way, she kind of illustrates how many women feel when receiving stuff like this.

7. With a Singer, you give a woman the gift of sewing.

Well, a gift in which she can sew your pants with. Still, not a fan of promoting female domesticity which seems to seep in these ads.

8. “Jackie Gleason Originals made by Manhattan make dan-dan-dandy gifts.”

Now I see why Jackie Gleason didn’t appear on his own Christmas album. Still, that fancy shirt is utterly tacky.

9. Play safe with Thermo anti-freeze.

Though why use a snowman to advertise a product to keep cars from freezing is beyond me. I mean we all know what anti-freeze is.

10. Spring Maid fabrics are always durable on ice.

But it seems like Amy should’ve worn snow pants since she suffered a major wardrobe malfunction while skating. Though the two guys on the bench certainly didn’t mind.

11. Nothing makes a boy happy on Christmas like his own Texaco truck.

However, leave him alone and he will use it to make you fall on your head. So you might want to avoid him like the plague.

12. L&M give a lot for your man on Christmas.

Yet, he likes his smokes as he plays with his toy trains. Meanwhile his wife smiles upon him just before she has to scramble into the kitchen to make a dish for Christmas dinner at his parents. But don’t worry, tobacco kills 1/3 of its users anyway.

13. Buy boxes of Spearmint for Santa to take round.

Though there’s something unsettling about this cartoon Santa. The mustache seems unusually shifty.

14. Need gift ideas for the holidays? How about a pair of inter-woven socks?

Didn’t think Santa could appear frightening in the moonlight. Also, not a lot of people want socks for Christmas.

15. Kuppenheimer always has good clothes for you and your family for Christmas.

Yet, I’m not sure who’s scarier in this one: Santa or the guy with the gifts who looks like the neighborhood psychokiller. Then again, Santa might want to watch his back.

16. Your son would adore his own Filmo camera on Christmas.

“Gee, now I can make my own pornos like Daddy. Man, you guys are the best.”

17. For this holiday season, Coca Cola is a taste that refreshes.

Though I’d rather stay clear of his North Pole workshop. Cause those elves certainly induce nightmares.

18. This Christmas, give him a hat.

Unfortunately, in later years fedoras went from distinguished menswear to undignified hipster attire. Kind of sad if you think about it.

19. “Playing Santa this year? Let your fingers do the walking.”

Now that has to be one of the most terrifying hand puppets I’ve ever seen. Then again, it was probably Thing’s turn to play Santa this year for the Addams’ family.

20. Please your woman this year by giving her a Sheaffer Stylist set.

A pen set? Seriously, that’s what you get a co-worker for Secret Santa. I mean it’s a gift that says, “I didn’t know what to give you for Christmas this year. And I’m too much of an idiot to ask.”

21. Kewpie dolls always make the perfect Christmas gift.

For the love, keep that thing away. I mean it looks like a deranged Casper in a Santa hat. And it doesn’t look friendly.

22. Coca Cola is a gift of good taste.

To be fair, the last house Santa visited had a bottle of Jack Daniels out for him. So don’t be surprise if he crashes into a skyscraper once he reaches Chicago.

23. Four Roses brings a thought for “tomorrow” that’s 2 months away.

Though October is way too early to decorate your Christmas tree. Then again, it’s an outdoor tree but still. Nevertheless, having Christmas ads before Halloween is ridiculous enough.

24. “It wouldn’t be Christmas without Whitman’s.”

Because if you’re both under the mistletoe, a box of chocolates is all you need for the bedroom. I mean we all know what mistletoe means in Christmas ads.

25. “Make your Christmas gift a Tomahawk.”

For there’s nothing like a great Christmas gift like a bladed axe. Other great gift ideas for lumberjacks include, butter scones, flower presses, high heels, suspenders, and a bra.

26. “It’ll be a merrier Christmas with the new Wonder Holiday Tree.”

I guess this is supposed to be a Charlie Brown tree with bells on it. Kind of looks sad if you ask me.

27. Please your loved one this Christmas with decorated Pyrex ware.

Though these casserole dishes seem appropriate for winter. If you want to give a decorated casserole, buy one with motifs good for all year round.

28. Even Santa wants you to buy bonds.

Because if you don’t, then you will not like what Santa will give you for Christmas this year. So buy war bonds as a patriotic duty. Also, why only 2 reindeer?

29. Put your child in the driver’s seat with this Hertz toy car.

Yet, once little Bobby’s in there, he’s sure to run over the cat with it with relish. So you might want to keep an eye on this budding psycho.

30. Santa always gives American toys for American girls and boys.

Don’t look now. But I’m not sure if I like how star-spangled Santa is holding these kids on his lap. Seems fairly sketchy for me.

31. Arthur Godfrey gives his Christmas best with Chesterfields.

Arthur Godfrey was a popular radio and TV personality during the 1950s who was known for his folksy warmth but was volatile and controlling behind the scenes. An on-air incident would later lead to his career decline. Ironically he’d later become an anti-smoking advocate.

32. For Christmas 1972, give yourselves a set of mannequins in your likenesses.

On second thought, don’t. Because that’s just creepy. Seriously, who’d want to have mannequins of themselves?

33. Give her the gift of beauty with Holeproof fine stockings.

And they just had to show her in a transparent robe, lingerie, stockings, and high heels. Definitely not something I’d wear on Christmas morning.

34. Give your son a Red Ryder Saddle Carbine this Christmas.

As you probably know, you’ll shoot your eye out with this BB gun. What? I saw A Christmas Story.

35. Entertain for hours during the holidays with a Revere projector and camera.

“And this when I chopped up Norman in the woodchipper. Because he was such a pain in the ass who had it coming. Soon as his dog crapped in my yard, I shot that son of a bitch dead.”

36. Keep your clothes clean during the holiday season with Breck detergent.

Still, that doll is guaranteed to kill Brooke Shields in her sleep. How she survived this shoot, I’ll never know.

37. “Can’t beat a Tupperware party for Christmas shopping.”

Though why have Santa in street clothes is beyond me. Also, Tupperware doesn’t exactly make a great gift.

38. When Santa takes a break, he always smokes Murad.

Because let’s just say giving gifts for all those kiddies really gets a lot out of you. Still, Santa isn’t really setting a good example here. More an example for kids to get lung cancer.

39. Frosty the Snowman wants you to give a real conversation for Christmas.

Other than the outdated rotary phones, Frosty seems absolutely terrifying. So you might want to buy one from him or else he’ll make sure you freeze to death.

40. White Owl Cigarettes are the quickest way to a man’s heart.

I don’t know about that. But I know it’s a quick way for a man to get cancer. Still, I don’t think Mrs. Claus will like seeing her husband sharing a smoke with a sexy blonde.

41. No Christmas baked goods should go without Carnation milk.

But poor Susie is such a procrastinator that she had to pull an all nighter to make her brownies. Let’s just say you don’t want to bother her at the office Christmas party.

42. Women always dig men who smoke their pipes with Prince Albert.

So, fellas, I hope all the lifelong heart and respiratory problems is worth it. Because we all know tobacco use doesn’t make you a hit with the ladies once the lung cancer sets in.

43. With Armour Star, you can make delectable appetizers.

On second thought, this looks really disgusting. So thanks but no thanks.

44. This Christmas, you can give her some Pyrex wares for $4.90.

Well, Pyrex does make great glass kitchen ware. But as a gift for her, not so much. Besides, Santa, what about the men who’d want Pyrex stuff?

45. Not sure what she wants for Christmas? Give her some Community spoons.

No, I don’t think women fantasize about spoons for Christmas. In fact, we ladies really don’t think much about them.

46. Ladies, use this little model to let your husband know you want this large store vac for Christmas.

Then again, at least he’ll get a hit. Still, what gets me is, why the hell would anyone want a vacuum for Christmas?

47. Give your wife a Eureka vacuum for Christmas. She’ll certainly love it.

But give me one of these, I will most likely scream. Seriously, I hate these things.

48. Joan Crawford always gives her friends a carton of Lucky Strikes.

And you thought she was terrible to her kids. Now you her giving the gift of lung cancer. Too bad many of her Hollywood friends died from tobacco related ailments.

49. Give your little girl this Cheerful Tearful doll for Christmas this year.

Though this doll is more of a Fearful Tearful doll than anything else. Mostly because she scares the living shit out of me.

50. Without Murad cigarettes what would Christmas be?

I don’t know, healthier? Because cigarettes inflict lifelong health problems and early death.

51. Nothing makes a family Christmas like a new Plymouth.

Yet, that boy seems like he’s utterly insane. Hope he doesn’t try to torture the family dog.

52. Coca Cola is always a refreshing surprise for Santa.

So little Sally just had to walk in when Santa was raiding the fridge. Hope St. Nick gives her what she wants or she’ll call the police for breaking and entering.

53. This Christmas, Santa Claus gives out Old Gold from his sleigh.

Santa, how dare you toss out cartons of cigarettes to all the girls and boys. Have you no shame? Aren’t you worried about the kiddies getting lung cancer?

54. For last minute gifts, you can always go with Four Roses.

For nothing makes the holidays merry like stocking up with booze. Available at your neighborhood liquor store.

55. Listen to your favorite Christmas music with a Telecron Timers clock radio.

Go ahead, listen to these disembodied heads with Santa hats this holiday season. Though if you work in retail, you might as well smash this clock radio with a sledge hammer.

56. Everyone’s eager for Seager’s at the office Christmas party.

Wait a minute? This is a family Christmas party. Well, in that case, the adults will be getting totally wasted. Too bad Aunt Bertha can’t join the fun since she’s the designated driver.

57. Fuel your holiday ride with Ethyl.

This is the oil company that had gasoline that contained tetralead as an “antiknock fluid.” Naturally, that additive resulted in widespread lead pollution along with life-threatening health problems.

58. Czechoslovakia celebrates Christmas with Walker’s Gin.

Sorry, but 1940s Czechoslovakia wasn’t a happy place thanks to WWII and the Iron Curtain Communist takeover. Then again, they’re probably really drunk right now.

59. There’s no better Christmas gift than something from HC Jewelers.

Let’s hope whoever gave this woman this necklace isn’t the old guy. Or if it is, let’s hope he’s her dad.

60. Clear heads choose Calvert Happy Blends for the holidays.

Didn’t know Arctic woodland creatures boozed up during the holidays. Hope those polar bears aren’t drunk on the sleigh.

61. Electric tree lights are always clean, simple, and safe.

Though that kind of electric lighting doesn’t look very safe to me. Still, I guess it’s in the context of the times. Also, that girl looks kind of freaky.

62. Pepsi always refreshes this woman’s slender figure without filling.

Sorry, but she won’t retain her slender figure with a Pepsi. Because soft drinks are notorious for causing diabetes and obesity.

63. This Christmas, give a Browning rifle.

I understand the need to make money. But save the occasional Daisy BB gun, real guns don’t make good Christmas gifts for obvious reasons. They’re not toys. They kill people for God’s sake.

64. Carnation Milk wish you “Peace on Earth” this holiday season.

Because we all know that kids could make lots of noise, am I right? Oh, and here’s a recipe for pudding as the little brats drive you up a wall.

65. Looks like Santa had a shaving mishap at the barber’s shop.

Yeah, seeing Santa without his beard is quite disturbing. Doesn’t look right at all.

66. “Here, kids, enjoy your new puppy I gave you.”

Sorry, but Christmas puppies are never a good idea at all (unless you or your family really want one and chose the dog well in advance). And no, Santa shouldn’t even bring them one for obvious reasons.

67. Santa always enjoys a good smoke with Murad cigarettes.

Yes, kiddies, Santa smokes. Get used to it. And yes, he’s being a terrible role model and doesn’t car if he gets lung cancer.

68. This Christmas, Santa recommends Dewar’s White Label as a Christmas Jubilee Spirit.

Apparently, even Santa likes to stock up on booze for the holidays. Hope he’s not wasted while he’s on his sled. Maybe that explains why he gives some children terrible Christmas presents.

69. This Christmas, put a Ford Pinto under your tree.

Doesn’t the Pinto have a reputation for exploding. So maybe a Pinto under your tree isn’t a good idea.

70. Santa loves to drink a Falstaff on his Christmas Eve rounds.

No wonder why Santa looks drunk sometimes. Somebody put him on a Twelve Step Program.

Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours on Christmas Memories (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 21, 2016

Here is me and my relatives at my Aunt Mary’s on Christmas Eve around 2011, I think. Here am I on the couch with my cousins Frank and John along with their parents. The kids in front are my cousins Jenna, Aiden, Isabella, Morgan, and Sawyer.

Yes, we all have photos from Christmas since they seem to contain memories we want to last forever. This is especially when families have children since they don’t stay kids for long. Yet, as I’ve shown before in these posts, not every Christmas goes according to plan. After all, the days leading up to it can be uniquely stressful since there’s decorating, finding gifts, making the food, doing cards, and what not.Some families might take a step further and do a family portrait for their Christmas card. And there are moments when that can go horribly wrong. Yet, there are plenty of crazy family Christmas cards which people do on purpose. Not to mention, families can also take their kids to see Santa which doesn’t always turn out that well, especially if the Santa in question is quite sketchy. At any rate, for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of Christmas memories from Awkward Family Photos. Sure you might not find these in a Hallmark stock photo deck but I’m sure they’ll make you relate.

Christmas is a time of high spirits and good cheer.

Apparently, this isn’t the case with the sisters. But the brother seems happy. Though you can argue he’s just showing off.

2. Christmas is always a time for families to get together and celebrate.

Of course, for many families, this very much reflects the holiday reality. Yeah, those kids can be a real source of stress.

3. Over the holidays, sibling rivalry can sometimes spiral out of control.

As you can see, the brother puts a bowl over the baby and the baby doesn’t like it. If you think kids were brats today, this proves you wrong.

4. Ugly Christmas sweaters are always fun and festive for all ages.

I guess this kid doesn’t believe in Santa Claus anymore. Hope he doesn’t try to disillusion the classmates who do.

5. Being single can be tough over the holidays, especially if your married siblings send a Christmas card with their picture on it.

This woman did some Christmas cards of herself for years as a single woman. They often feature alcoholic drinks. This one depicts a mannequin boyfriend.

6. Seems like they had a special day to bring pets to the mall.

Okay, bringing your dog for a Santa photoshoot is one thing. Reptiles? I’m not so sure.

7. The moment you realize that your parents forgot to buy Christmas cards this year.

Yeah, reusing Christmas cards may not be the best idea. This is especially when there’s some stuff crossed out.

8. There’s no more memorable Christmas carol like, “Hark! This Herald Angel Ain’t Gonna Sing.”

Hey, even little angels can have the occasional bad attitude sometimes. They can’t all be angelic all the time.

9. The moment you realize the family Christmas card photoshoot is taking longer than your capacity to smile.

“Do we have to take it again? Oh, brother, when will this ever end?” I’m sure we’ve all been there.

10. The war of sisterly rivalry can sometimes begin when you least expect it.

At least my parents can relax because Molly and I were never like that when we were young. Still, you have to admire the parents though.

11. These kids don’t seem to look forward to Santa’s Annual Challenge.

While the two middle kids cry, the oldest brother covers his ears to drown out the sound. The baby just sits there having no idea what’s going on and pondering the meaning of life.

12. No, I don’t think that’s the right way to hold a baby.

Yeah, the father’s hand placement really doesn’t look good here. And the baby is not amused by it at all.

13. Spending the holidays alone can be a real bummer.

This is especially when you’re spending it alone in the woods drinking. Girl’s got problems.

14. “How about we all help Daddy shave?”

Now this is freaky photoshop. Yes, they had these in the 1950s, too. Don’t ask me.

15. Sometimes it’s the most unexpected gift which you treasure the most.

And this dad holds his new toilet plunger with pride. Not many men would do the same.

16. Grandma and Grandpa give you best wishes for Christmas and announce that they’ve decided to give themselves a gift to invest in the future.

I know my grandparents have put some money into their own funerals. But they wouldn’t show it on a family Christmas card. This is just insane and disturbing.

17. Sibling rivalry: they always start so young.

Yes, baby sisters aren’t always so sweet as you’d think they’d be. This baby pulls her sister’s own hair.

18. Christmas always brings tidings of comfort and joy.

Apparently, this doesn’t apply to these sisters. This is particularly the case with the youngest being knocked on the floor.

19. Sometimes accidents could happen at the most inappropriate moment.

Well, at least the baby is safe. But the older sister might not like being in the middle of it. Yeah, family togetherness has its ups and downs.

20. When you’re on call during Christmas, you can get the most interesting patients.

This was on a board in a hospital. Dr. Mest will have a lot of interesting stories to tell come January.

21. In the olden days, it was common for families having to settle for the only Christmas tree available.

This one is known as a Giant Charlie Brown Tree. Yet, unlike what to cartoon shows us, decorating it doesn’t enhance its beauty.

22. There’s nothing more devastating on Christmas than a burning gingerbread house.

Yeah, that’s not a good sight to see during the holidays. Hope this little girl doesn’t get too traumatized.

23. “This Christmas we decided to chop down a shrub to save money.”

Hey, not all evergreen trees can be triangle shaped. Still, this looks pretty ghastly if you ask me.

24. It’s not every day a rock band visits Santa Claus.

Apparently, Santa wasn’t amused by this group and having to take a photo with them. Yet, Santa would rather be photographed with a real band like Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd.

25. Even when they’re young, sibling unrest can be rampant.

Now Bobby learns the hard way that you can’t boss your little sis for long. Or she might try to retaliate with a vengeance.

26. Seasons Greetings from the Village of the Damned.

I don’t think the dog has much long to live. Those girls have plans. Very sinister plans.

27. While selfies can be seen as enhancing one’s ego, sometimes they can be incredibly helpful.

For instance, while this holiday sweater may seem initially decent, it helps to take a closer look. Definitely not wearing that to Grandma’s house.

28. Santa has some visitors from the South Pole.

To be fair, this is from a family who has a tradition like this. Like how they have bowties on their tuxedos.

29. The moment when you and your girlfriend broke up but she still appears on your family Christmas card.

I’m sure holiday season breakups happen all the time. Still, I think it’s funny they put a sticker on the woman’s face.

30. We need to understand that not every kid looks forward to see Santa.

Yeah, this kids don’t like sitting on Santa’s lap. Meanwhile the girls beside him just smile for the camera.

31. Rachel always preferred a wooden man with a mean bite.

Well, this is awkward. Hey, I know there are plenty of girls who like the Nutcracker. But this is ridiculous.

32. Before you give gifts, always make sure they’re age appropriate first.

Because I know you don’t get a pot leaf poster for anyone under 18. But I think this is supposed to be a joke.

33. Is it just me, or does Santa not seem like his jolly old self lately?

Unfortunately, little Jimmy got stuck with the evil Santa at the mall. He hasn’t been seen since.

34. Christmas is always a time of precious moments.

Yet, in this case, I don’t think little Brittany is holding her brother like that because she loves him. Quite the contrary. Her parents might want to get her some psychiatric testing.

35. There’s always that one angel.

The blond girl is like, “Perfect little angel? My ass.” Yeah, really not in the angelic spirit.

36. “We just had some problems with the Christmas wrapping.”

Grown people dressed as elves for Santa. Not sure what to think about that. Might be less lame if they dressed as elves from Lord of the Rings.

37. Okay, baby, tell us how you really feel about family Christmas card photoshoots.

I guess baby Gabriel couldn’t keep it to himself. Yes, I know photoshoots are a real pain in the ass.

38. “Another blue dress shirt? Well, this sucks.”

Even funnier that this boy is already wearing a shirt like this one. Guess his aunt didn’t get the memo.

39. Seems like Santa doesn’t need a chimney to get in this house.

Because he’s apparently popped out of the attic. Okay, those are just decorations.

40. No, Grandpa, now’s not the time to give Grandma your dick in a box.

I know this is a joke that’s a takeoff from an SNL sketch. And I know I’m pushing the envelope with this one. But I couldn’t avoid including it if I tried.

41. Sometimes even Santa has moments when he questions his sanity.

In this one, Santa wonders whether he’s had too much eggnog. Or too many of Mrs. Claus’s special brownies.

42. Christmas is a time to feel the joy.

Unfortunately, this baby ain’t feeling it. Yeah, babies can be quite temperamental in these photos.

43. This year, Santa went to Whoville.

And once again, he has some interesting stories to tell about that place. Yes, this is pretty ridiculous.

44. For unto us a child is born.

However, nativity scene photo reenactments can only go so far. Having your baby play baby Jesus? Fine and perfectly normal. Having your cat play baby Jesus? What the fuck?

45. What better way to spend Christmas than for a drink among friends?

Don’t get me wrong, they’re all the same woman. Yes, doesn’t seem to be in a jolly mood.

46. Apparently, the heads seem to pop out of the stocking.

This Christmas card was made possible by photoshop and acid. Yes, they had LSD in the 1950s, too. Just ask Cary Grant who promoted it.

47. “Uh, excuse me, Santa, but I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Timmy, that’s no way how to touch yourself in public.” Then again, he doesn’t seem to be comfortable at all.

48. The family that sleeps together, stays together.

Now this is awkward. Let’s hope this one is just reserved for the kids, please.

49. Before you celebrate the holidays, be sure you get the sweater memo.

Yes, this family has the same sweater on for Christmas. But at least they have different colors according to gender.

50. Finally, Suzie has the dress for her pet monkey.

For the record, don’t keep monkeys as pets. Yes, I know they may be cute but they can inflict serious injury. Besides, they’re wild animals not meant for you dress like a doll.

51. Looks like one elf has gone postal.

Relax, these are kids just acting up. Well, at least the younger one is. The older one is trying to restrain.

52. Christmas is always a time to be merry and bright.

Unfortunately, the dogs don’t seem to be jolly. In fact, they seem to be at each other’s throats.

53. When arranging your Christmas towels, make sure they don’t spell anything unfortunate. This is especially if your name is Peterson.

Yeah, that’s really not a great Christmas message. But at least it’s an accurate one for a bathroom.

54. This Christmas, it’s the family that bathes together that stays together.

A family in a tub? Really? Do they have any idea how ridiculous that is? Hope they’re wearing swimsuits, good God.

55. Grumpy Cat really doesn’t want to pose for your Christmas card.

Like how the couple explained their cats on how they couldn’t cooperate. Yeah, cats march to a different drummer.

56. Meanwhile, at a Christmas pageant in Colorado…

Three wisemen come from the East bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh-uana. Luckily Willie Nelson did a Christmas song on myrrh-uana on Colbert’s Christmas special.

57. “We’d like to wish our family a Merry Christmas…from Florida.”

The flamingo is not fooling anybody. Like the shark costume. And the Santa statue.

58. “Please, please, take us away from this man! Please, we beg you!”

Poor Santa doesn’t seem to know what to do here. Still, a lot of kids are scared of Santa. Remember that.

59. Nothing says Christmas like spending a day in a sauna with your family.

So the whole family is in towels? Why the hell? This is just crazy on so many levels.

60. When she said she wanted anything Frozen, she didn’t mean peas.

Any parent should know this. For God’s sake, she would’ve been happy with an Anna and Elsa notebook. She’s understandably pissed.

61. Make your season merry by dressing your family in candy cane pajamas.

Yes, they all come striped. But some are in green as well as red. Yes, this is ridiculous.

62. Unfortunately, Travis was acting up so he had to be restrained.

However, having him duct taped to a wall is kind of pushing it. Seriously, is that even necessary?

63. The family dog helped decorate the tree this year.

Okay, this is definitely photoshop. Because dogs can’t fly. But no one seems to care.

64. Merry Christmas from the stick figure kids.

I know they’re supposed to be cowboys riding horses. But this don’t look right.

65. As we all know, cauliflower faced Santa must be avoided at all times.

Yes, that’s a really sketchy Santa. I fear for the boy who’s on his lap.

66. There are some gifts for a significant other that are meant to be given in private.

This pair of candy cane boxes is among these. Yeah, I know what, “Lick Me” means.

67. That moment when the mall Santa can’t wait until his shift is up.

Yeah, he doesn’t seem to like his gig too much. Doesn’t seem to care for kids either.

68. Baby Ralphie really admires the leg lamp.

Wonder what the grandparents would think if they saw this Christmas card. This is a play off A Christmas Story.

69. Merry Christmas from the 21st century.

Yeah, it’s kind of like that. Everyone seems to be glued to their devices save the dad.

70. “How about we all try to catch the snowball?”

Well, not sure if they have a snowball’s chance in hell. But this is quite funny.

What I Want for Christmas Letters to Santa

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 19, 2016

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Every Christmas it’s not uncommon for kids to write letters to Santa Claus on what they want for Christmas. Normally this would consist of kids writing requests for toys. But it’s not always the case. This letter above is by my cousin Ben wrote in preschool. Of course, he can be a little smartass since he’s asking for the whole kit and caboodle. Seeing this letter on Facebook got me thinking about the kind of letters kids write to Santa. Turns out the internet has plenty of letters from various sites like Buzzfeed. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of children’s letters to the big guy at the North Pole. In case you want to know about letters to Santa, it’s perfectly fine to send your letter to the North Pole since the United States Postal Service has their own Letters from Santa program.

Dear Santa, give me a Lady Gaga doll or I’ll break your legs.

Little Tommy isn’t fooling around either, Santa. You better give this kid a Lady Gaga doll. Sounds like a mobster at the end.

2. If you want to know what this kid wants for Christmas, here’s the link.

Makes me wonder why children don’t e-mail Santa more often. Might make Santa’s work much easier.

3. Apparently, one kid isn’t happy about Santa Claus this year.

Guess this kid saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last Christmas. Seems to be a little Grinch in the making.

4. Well, at least this little girl is honest.

Then again, she may not be that greedy. Or she just might be blurting out song lyrics. Not sure which.

5. Send a computer to Jack if you have the money, Santa.

Sure a computer might be expensive and bulky. But if Santa will give one, it’ll be for the whole family, not just the kid.

6. Someone seems worried that Santa would get stuck in the chimney.

Uh, I’m sure Santa will have no problem coming down chimneys. But the kid makes an excellent point.

7. Dear Santa, if you don’t give me what I want, I will hunt you down and kill you.

Santa, you might want to give the little girl what she wants. Because she certainly means business. Then again, I don’t think Santa and his reindeer could die.

8. Dear Santa, I’ve been a good boy this year so why did you give me stupid presents?

Boy, seems like Johnny was very disappointed with what he got for Christmas. And he doesn’t seem to take it well.

9. So, Santa, how are things at the North Pole.

Well, at least this one is friendly. But the Hot Topic gift card request kills me.

10. Dear, Santa, if you’re real, please prove it to me.

Good luck with asking proof from Santa that he exists. Still, you can’t really blame the kid for trying.

11. Dear Santa, I’ve been okay this year, here’s what my family wants for Christmas.

This little girl even listed her home and cell number to Santa. I think Santa doesn’t need to know that.

12. Dear Santa, bring me toys or I will hurt Rudolph further.

The kid even has a graphic of Rudolph’s nose in a box. Still, I don’t think that’ll sway Santa.

13. Dear Santa, just sand me Hannah Montana everything.

I’m sure this letter was written before 2013 when Miley Cyrus’s Hannah Montana was extremely popular with young girls. Yet, her wholesome image would soon change after her Disney Channel show ended.

14. This year Lucy wants a bank account and a slim body and not get the two mixed up.

I’m sure Lucy’s wishes echo what a lot of adults want for Christmas. However, I’d just ask for the fat bank account.

15. This kid seems to have a lot of questions about Santa.

Yet, little Spencer still sneaks in what he wants for Christmas. Still, this is cute.

16. Dear Santa, give me a camera because I want one.

Well, at least this kid gets straight to the point. Didn’t really say why though.

17. Santa, bring me a smartphone and something for my brother, too.

Judging from the crayon, I think she might be a bit young for a smart phone. But at least she keeps her brother in mind.

18. Santa, please give me Hannah Montana concert tickets and here’s why.

Looks like this little girl really did her homework on the music business. Like how she talked about scalpers.

19. Please give me Yu-gi-oh for Christmas to impress the boys.

I guess this girl really has some inadequacy issues. Hey, girl, you don’t need to impress boys to be fulfilled in life. Also, how old are you?

20. Seems like this kid wants a bunch of hunting equipment for Christmas.

I think this guy might be a little old to write to Santa. Still, if he wants all that stuff for Christmas, he could easily go to places like Gander Mountain or Cabela’s.

21. Dear Santa, I want a lot of things for Christmas, does 39 items seem too much?

Guess this girl has a long list of what she wants for Christmas. But yes, 39 is a bit much.

22. Dear Santa, if you bring anything with batteries make sure they’re included.

At least this seems pretty reasonable. Having gifts that require batteries that aren’t included is a real pain in the ass.

23. Dear Santa Claus, give me $5.3 billion.

I’m sure people would want $5.3 billion at some point. But I think asking for a few hundred is much more reasonable.

24. Dear Santa, please give me Taylor Swift tickets, Nordstrom clothes, and a boyfriend.

On second thought, the boyfriend seems more reasonable than the other two. However, dating doesn’t work this way.

25. Santa, I’m perfectly fine with getting coal and spending time with my family but I enjoy opening presents.

Seems like she’s really buttering the big guy up. What a way to sneak it in, girl.

26. Since Mommy’s on a diet, is Cheez-Its all right with you?

To be fair, kids don’t understand much about nutrition. Also goes on to talk about pets.

27. For Christmas I’d want a stuffed chicken.

So this could mean a delectable dish or taxidermy. Hope it’s the former. Because taxidermied animals are creepy.

28. Looks like the game cops and robbers has become more advanced these days.

Wonder what asking for such police stuff says about our culture these days. I think handcuffs would’ve been more reasonable.

29. Santa, this year I want a puppy, a real puppy, not a stuffed one.

As we all know, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts since many would prefer to pick the animal. But this kid doesn’t understand that.

30. Dear Santa, please take everyone’s guns away.

Hey, kid, maybe you should ask Santa for reasonable gun control laws like universal background checks and an assault weapons ban. No need to resort to drastic measures.

31. Dear Santa, send diapers for my baby brother.

I’m guessing this kid is at least pre-school age. From how I look at it. The incident with the pee is disgusting.

32. Santa, give me a puppy. By the way, you suck.

This kid doesn’t seem very happy. Yeah, please rub it in Santa’s face, how could you?

33. Dear Santa, either turn me into a dragon or give me a pet dragon.

Sure dragons may be cool. But that doesn’t mean you’d want one. Just read Harry Potter or any fantasy story. Besides, they’re mythical creatures anyway.

34. Dear Santa, I’m beginning to wonder about your elves’ work quality.

Well, elf competency concerns is reasonable. Too bad that a lot of the products this kid describes is probably made from cheap labor in an Asian nation.

35. This Christmas give a turtle since they’re cool.

Sure turtles may be cool in their own way. They’re also a lot of work and aren’t very nice.

36. Santa, is it true you’re not coming to my house because Obama got reelected?

From reading this, I wonder what this kid’s parents listen to. I’m sure they voted for that steaming piece of shit Donald Trump this year.

37. Santa, if you give anyone a monkey, it will be bad.

At least the kid knows a think or two about why keeping exotic pets is a bad idea. If I had a kid who wants a monkey, they could forget it.

38. Dear Santa, please don’t give me a little sister in 2 years.

I’m sure Samantha won’t like it if her mom has to tell her she’s pregnant. That won’t go well.

39. Santa, could you get me a couple of things for Christmas? Here’s a list.

Note: When a letter to Santa says, “Flip page” you can tell it’s not just a couple of things. Yeah, kid has a long list.

40. Dear Santa, please give me these presents for my life depends on it.

I’m sure this kid won’t get a lot of these presents. And it’s not going to be the end of the world. Though there always has to be one who makes everything seem dramatic.

41. Haven’t been too good this year, but could you send me a LEGO train anyway.

Uh, doesn’t Santa give presents to the good kids? Not sure if this child knows how it works.

42. Dear Santa, could you give me superpowers if possible?

Sorry, kid, but superpowers don’t work that way. You can’t just ask Santa for them.

43. For Christmas this year I want hair like Rapunzel.

No, kid, you don’t want 5 feet long hair. Because you’d probably have to spend a lot on hair care products and hours brushing it.

44. No, Santa, I didn’t mean that. I would never do that.

From PopSugar: “Dear Santa, sorry for saying, ‘I’m going to punch you in the face!’ I would never do that because I am a good boy and I know hitting is wrong. Love, Ryder.”

45. Here’s all the stuff I want for Christmas.

Man, those look pretty expensive. But at least she’s smart to use the Wal Mart catalog.

46. Dear Santa, how do you get into my house?

I’m guessing this kid’s family doesn’t have a chimney. I’m sure Santa has other ways.

47. Dear Santa, please help the homeless and here’s what I want.

Sure the kid may want Santa to help the homeless. But everyone has a list of their own toys.

48. Santa, my dad talked about the Krampus and he gave me nightmares.

Either this girl is scared of the Krampus or she’s using the monster as a bargaining chip. Not sure which.

49. Dear Santa, please give me $100 and a $50 gift card and it cant’ be to food places.

This girl really doesn’t mess around. Also wants to be able to paint her nails.

50. Dear Mr. Claus, I’ve been very bad so please send me coal.

This is certainly not from a kid but a CEO of a coal company. And no, Santa, coal won’t teach him a lesson. How about give him a possible long jail sentence for environmental and worker safety violations?

51. What I want for Christmas is a McDonald’s in my neighborhood.

I’m not sure what to think of this. Because a McDonald’s is one of the last things I’d want in my community.

52. Dear Santa, can you send me a mixed elf on the shelf?

Yes, I know there are plenty of families that do Elf on the Shelf. But to be honest, Elf on the Shelf is creepy which is why I like to make fun of it around the holidays.

53. Dear Santa, I don’t ask for much. Maybe about 100 things.

Uh, asking for 100 things is going way overboard. How about you narrow it down a bit?

54. Santa, if you can please don’t send me any clothes!

Yeah, we all know kids don’t like getting clothes for Christmas. They’re not fun like toys. But kids have no idea that they need them.

55. Give it to me straight, Santa, am I on the naughty list?

Well, that might be a good question. But would you really want to know?

56. Dear Santa, is it true you read all the letters because I doubt it.

Well, at least this girl is being reasonable about the letters. Yet, she still made a list.

57. Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year. I’ve brought beer to my dad from the fridge.

To be fair, this girl may not understand that bringing beer for Daddy from the fridge may not be a good idea. This is especially if Daddy has a problem.

58. If Santa was wise, he might consider giving this kid a dictionary for Christmas.

I don’t expect these letters to be grammatically sound with proper spelling. But this one contains the words “slay” for “sleigh” and “rape” for “wrap.” So it’s pretty noteworthy for a post like this.

59. Dear Santa, sorry for being bad but could you give me a few things.

You know these kind of letters are usually followed by a long list. Yeah, those aren’t just a few things.

60. Dear Santa, I have a few questions to ask.

I’m sure Santa could answer those for you soon. And yes, he will be quiet, believe me.

61. Dear Santa, can you please bring me pizza?

If you want pizza, there are better ways than asking Santa for it. How about calling your local pizza place?

62. Dear Santa, please, please, please give me these things.

Hey, kid, you don’t need to say please all the time. I’m sure Santa understands.

63. Santa better bring a pony this year.

Still, that’s a terrible pony drawing. What the hell is it? Looks like some weird cartoon alien. Still, the kid’s not fooling around.

64. Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year since I’ve picked up a lot of crap.

Picking up dog poop is nothing to be humble about. But where I live, you don’t have to do that.

65. Santa, can you fill this questionnaire for me?

Seems like this kid wants to know a little bit more about Santa. Not sure if Santa has any time for that.

66. Santa, show yourself to me that you’re real.

Guess this kid doesn’t buy in the whole Santa thing. You probably have that with kids sometimes.

67. Dear Santa, can you send me a real pet cub, please?

I’m sure this kid will be very disappointed on Christmas. Because a real cub for Christmas is worse than a puppy. For the love of God, they grow up to be fierce wild cats. Maybe a stuffed one would be better.

68. Dear Santa, I’ve been okay but if you don’t give me anything I understand.

Well, at least this kid is trying to have a more realistic self-awareness. And at least shows appreciation.

69. Dear Santa, please give me a new football because my evil little brother stole mine.

Sibling rivalries always start young, don’t they? Also, probably doesn’t have a chimney.

70. Dear Santa, I have big butts and I cannot lie…

Well, at least the kid didn’t use the whole song. Because it has rather adult lyrics. But it’s funny.

71. Dear Santa, please send me a Venus flytrap.

Okay, other than the Venus Flytrap bit, the letter is mostly normal. However, you have to wonder about this kid when you see the illustrations.

72. Santa, does Rudolph have two noses?

No, Rudolph just has one nose, kid. What made you ask that question?

73. Dear Santa, I know you’re a marketing ploy but I just want stuff or else.

The boy even says that Santa and his wife are gambling addicts and has a picture of the Grim Reaper. Also, talks about the Dolphin mafia.

74. Dear Santa, please get my boat to work for it’s just in my yard.

Too bad this kid has no idea if a boat should work, it should be in water. And please let the boat be a toy.

75. Dear Santa, give me a signed picture of you and your elves.

I don’t think Santa gives out autographed photos, kid. And I’m sure elves might not be allowed to send their photos out to children either.

76. Dear Santa, here are the things I want and can you send me Steeler stuff?

Looks like he left somethings out in his original letter. Not sure if he lives in my area since the Steelers are my local NFL team.

77. Santa, you’re fat you’ll be getting no cookies at my house this year.

Man, this girl says that Santa needs to lose some pounds so she and her mom are giving him veggies. Not sure if the big guy would appreciate it.

78. Dear Santa, please give my brother Mitch some things since he writes bad and hates reading.

Seems like this girl doesn’t have a lot of nice things to say about him. Also, she tells Santa that’s not his sign.

79. Dear Santa, please bring Leonardo DiCaprio to my house this year.

Sorry, but I don’t think Santa could do that. Also, I’m not sure if he’s cute at the moment, especially since the Revenant. But if you live in an area adversely affected by climate change, maybe he’ll stop by.

80. Dear Santa, can you sign this to prove you’re real?

And I see, “Ho Ho Ho” on the line. Not sure if that’s what this little boy wants.

81. Santa, can you please come before 6:00 a.m.?

Because Santa shouldn’t want to wake up this early bird. Also stocking on the left.

82. Santa, will you give me a second chance this year? Explain.

This kid put “yes/no” and lines for Santa to write on. Not sure if Santa wants to answer that.

83. Santa, I just want my family to be happy and these things.

The materialism is bound to creep up somehow. It always does in these kind of letters.

84. Dear Santa, I have a lot of questions to ask you.

This one asks what Santa is giving his sisters, whether his friend is on nice list and what Santa does with the gifts he can’t fit in his sleigh. Also, how tall are elves.

85. Seems like Calvin knows what he wants for Christmas.

Okay, I don’t think this is from a kid. Because I don’t think children would even watch The Internship that stars Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn.

86. Sorry, we couldn’t give you any cookies, Santa, and the gingerbread made us sick.

Well, what can I say? Shit happens. We all have Christmas disasters.

87. Dear Santa, I haven’t seen a reindeer so can you leave Rudolph at our house?

No, I don’t think Santa will leave Rudolph. He needs his lead reindeer.

88. Dear Santa, can you please send pacifiers for my sister so we can sleep?

Guess her sister really likes to make a lot of noise all the time. It’s probably because she’s a baby.

89. What I want for Christmas this year is some toys and an AK-47.

No, you don’t want to give an AK-47 for Christmas. What about a better gift like almost anything else?

90. Dear Santa, there are some things I want so I devised a list for you.

This girl goes on to describe how she listed what she want. It gets pretty complicated.

91. Dear Mr. Claus, in accordance with the Christian holiday, here are the things I want for Christmas.

He goes on to say that other items would be added at a later date. So Santa should stay tuned.

92. Dear Santa, I really want a puppy, just give me one.

Seems like this girl really wants a puppy for Christmas. As I said before, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts. Better to have her pick out her own.

93. Dear Santa, I always enjoy your presents but forgive the bad stuff I did this year.

This kid really knows how to lap it up. Also requests that Santa come when parents are sleeping.

94. Dear Santa, I’ve been good but I’m not sure about my sister.

Well, sibling problems are quite common. But this boy really wants to say his sister hasn’t been that great.

95. Dear Santa, please make my brother nicer and bring him back.

I don’t know about you. But I worry whether this boy wants Santa to kidnap his brother. This is kind of disturbing.

96. This Christmas Evie’s been a bad girl but she needs presents.

But Evie doesn’t being bad should disqualify her from presents. But still, this is cute.

97. Dear Santa, please give me a DS, I’ll give you money.

This boy seems like a smooth talker. Wonder how far it would get him.

98. If you want to see my Christmas list, text my dad.

Chances are this is going to be a long list. Since I know where this is going.

99. Dear Santa, please leave the gifts at the door because I won’t be home for Christmas.

I suppose there are some kids who would be away for Christmas. But I’m sure Santa could manage.

100. Dear Santa, how do you poop? Does it look different?

Uh, I think that’s a question no one wants to ask. Except the kid who wrote this.

The Sweet Candy World of Gingerbread Architecture

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 16, 2016

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Two to three years ago, I did a gingerbread house post that was more or less suited to mock the tacky houses I’ve seen on the internet. However, since gingerbread houses are all the rage at Christmas time, I plan to do a post that shows all the great houses you’d see since there are plenty from Pinterest and other websites. Anyway, though gingerbread has been around since medieval times and was used to celebrate certain occasions, gingerbread houses didn’t really become all the rage until the early 1800s in Germany after the wake of the Grimm fairy tale “Hansel and Gretel.” And we all know that fairy tale centers on two abandoned children who befall on a gingerbread house that’s actually bait for a witch’s kiddie trap. Yes, it’s disturbing. But food historians claim that people made gingerbread houses before that in Germany. Yet, these suddenly became popular during Christmas and the rest is history. Today many families built gingerbread houses this time of year as a tradition and there are even contests for it. And not all of these structures are houses either. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of gingerbread houses that look good enough but too pretty to eat.

A gingerbread US Capitol contains mints and plenty of frosting.

Sure it might look good on the outside. But the inside may contain a government body with a lower approval rating than pond scum.

2. In New England, a gingerbread harbor is all the rage.

Never saw something like this before. Just a dock, boat, and shops.

3. Someday your prince will come in this gingerbread Snow White’s castle.

This one has a bit of snow on it. And it seems darker than the other Disney princess castles. Maybe it’s because the Wicked Queen lives there.

4. Of course, would you like fries with this gingerbread McDonald’s?

Well, this is in a more retro style than most of the current restaurants. But it’s quite clever.

5. A Christmas house must always be decked with boughs of holly.

This one has garland on its columns. Love the red shutters and green on the windows.

6. Balconies and roofs can always be held up by candy canes.

And this fancy gingerbread house is no exception. Love the swirly design on this though.

7. A pink roof on a gingerbread house is just as sweet.

This one has some pink edging on the windows. Like the pretzel fence. Lovely.

8. This gingerbread castle would be the envy of all Candyland.

Yes, that’s certainly a very fancy castle. Or is it a village? At any rate, you have to admire the decoration.

9. A gingerbread toy shop would make you feel like a kid again.

This looks like what you’d expect from an old timey toy shop to resemble. Like that kid peering through the window.

10. A magnificent train station is always a sight to behold.

Yes, this is a rather ornate train station that almost resembles a mansion. Love the towers.

11. You’d almost think this gingerbread resort is a model.

Yes, it certainly looks like it since it doesn’t seem real Christmasy. Well, with the exception of the decorated tree.

12. This clock tower is ever befitting for one near Santa’s workshop.

It even has a snowflake on top as well as a train track. Yes, Santa would be proud.

13. Row houses always have to be well decorated in red and green.

Well, that looks quite quaint. Love how each one is decorated the same way. and red brick road.

14. With Victorian row houses, have each one stacked near a hill.

You can almost see houses like this in any old town. Like how each of them is covered in different color of icing.

15. A blue dome is always easy on the eyes.

For some reason, this kind of reminds me of a funeral home. Not sure what it is. Like the balcony roof and weather vane.

16. With this gingerbread house, you can count the days till Christmas.

Of course, advent calendars don’t start on Advent. Still ,this is adorable.

17. Chex cereal often makes great roofing material.

And it makes a more earthy look than a lot of icings. This one almost seems real.

18. A gingerbread tree house overlooks a frozen lake.

Sure it’s a small house but it has lights on the steps and stockings in front. Love it.

19. A plain blue house is better than nothing.

Yes, this might be a small cottage. But it surely looks cozy and ordinary.

20. For you maritime fans, this gingerbread lighthouse is for you.

Well, it’s surely in a seafaring style. It even has a mermaid at the lake with presents.

21. For those dreaming for a white Christmas, this is the perfect gingerbread house for you.

And by “white,” I mean a Christmas with snow on the ground. Still, not sure of what to feel about the icicles here.

22. Santa’s workshop always seems to be a festive place at the North Pole.

Well, that will surely stand out in the fog of night. But it’s surely whimsical for the holiday season.

23. High end gingerbread people have their fun at a gingerbread country club.

Well, this one looks almost real. Still, golf courses are a serious waste of space if you ask me.

24. A gingerbread house must always have a roof that stands out.

This one has tiles of pink, purple, and blue. Still, love the hearts and decorations.

25. A gingerbread tiki bar offers all kinds of drinks.

This one has a gingerbread man bartender. Sure it’s not Christmasy but I’ll allow it.

26. A red brick gingerbread house should always go with a festive roof.

If it weren’t for the Necco tiles, you’d almost think it was a scaled-down model. Love the wreath on this though.

27. Feast your sweet eyes on this lavender candy mansion.

Almost reminds me of those old estates I’ve seen in pastel colors. Still, love how it’s lavender and decorated.

28. A pink Victorian can be just as enticing and sweet.

This one even has some Christmas decoration to it. Still, if it was black, it would be a haunted house.

29. For a monumental Russian icon, you’ve never seen Moscow’s St. Basil’s Cathedral like this before.

Yes, it’s surely a Russian spectacle. It’s said that Ivan the Terrible had the architect’s eyes removed so he’d never construct another beautiful building like this.

30. A gingerbread tree house is greatly shaded with popcorn leaves.

This one is from Good Housekeeping. Sure it’s quite quaint but you have to admire the creativity that went into this.

31. A Tudor gingerbread house would withstand the test of time.

Okay, maybe not. But you have to admire how it’s made with a tunnel.

32. You may have seen a gingerbread house. How about a gingerbread shop?

Not sure which shop it’s supposed to be. But it’s certainly well made like you’d see in a movie.

33. A gingerbread sweet shop is just the ticket.

After all, gingerbread houses are pastries that are decorated with candy. Well, inedible candy that is.

After all, gingerbread houses are pastries that are decorated with candy. Well, a lot of inedible candy that is.

34. Wonder what they make in that gingerbread mill.

It’s most likely either a wheat mill or a sawmill. Either way, it’ll go great with any display.

35. You’d be hard pressed not to like this gingerbread teapot house.

Seems to remind me of something that’s straight from Alice in Wonderland. Still, I think it’s quite original for a gingerbread piece.

36. A gingerbread fire department will keep everyone safe over the holidays.

Yes, this is a gingerbread firehouse. And yes, it’s decorated for Christmas. I’m sure people will enjoy this one.

37. I didn’t know they had a Christmas tree house at the North Pole.

Yes, this is quite creative if you ask me. Like how the tree is decorated. From Good Housekeeping.

38. This gingerbread house has gingerbread men on the roof.

Not sure what to think about that. Then again, the gingerbread men are small enough to be roof tiles.

39. This gingerbread tree house comes with its own set of stairs.

Well, it surely has a more convenient way around than the other tree houses on this post. Like the wooden facade.

40. For an Old Testament flair, this gingerbread Noah’s Ark is a real treat.

However, why the lions both have manes is a mystery to me. Because the animals come in two by two that consist of a male and female. Well, female lions don’t have manes.

41. This Victorian gingerbread house looks great on a Christmas card.

This one has wreath decorations on the fence and candles in the window. Love the lattice work on the roof.

42. Every gingerbread town always needs a gingerbread library.

Well, this is kind of quaint. Love the tree, garland and wreath decorations on here.

43. A gingerbread church should always have a rose window.

Well, a rose window on the roof. Like the spire on the tower and stained glass windows as well.

44. A gingerbread town should always have a place for shops.

Well, this one seems like a place you’d find at a historical town like Gettysburg. Love the clock tower and shops.

45. Victoria’s Bed and Breakfast is a great place to stay.

Almost thought this was a Christmas village set, but it’s from Good Housekeeping. The stonework is unreal.

46. This gingerbread church is a real winter treat.

I guess this is in a Romanesque style. Like the tower and the chocolate roof.

47. Santa’s Bake Shop has something cooking this time of year.

Didn’t know Santa even had a bake shop. But this is just as well since this is made from a baked good.

48. Looks like Santa has made a visit to the White House.

This is from the Obama years since it has Bo and Sunny. Reminds me of how I’m going to miss the outgoing First Family.

49. A modern gingerbread house like this has plenty of colors.

This one has a snowy roof and stone foundation from the looks of it. Not sure if I’d want a house like that.

50. A gingerbread house should always have candy trimmings.

This one has Fruit Loops on the roof,, candy cane edging and lattice, and licorice on the tower. All in all, it’s a sweet establishment that smells of mint.

51. This gingerbread flour mill is iced in a brilliant red.

Yes, this is another mill gingerbread house. But this one is more in tune with the holiday season.

52. For a more rustic touch, this gingerbread barn is for you.

This one has some Christmas decorations. Though barns in real life usually have none if they’re used to keep animals.

53. Santa Claus comes into town on his steamboat.

Though you may see these quaint steamboats in movies, the old ones were known to be quite dangerous. Seriously, they were said to catch fire in the 19th century.

54. How about a nice cozy home in the snow?

This one seems to resemble a normal house with a unrealistically clean walk way. Though Christmas decorations are present.

55. A Tudor gingerbread house is almost a fairy tale dream.

This one seems more like a fairy tale housing complex with all the stairs and archways. Though it looks lovely just the same.

56. Seems like the gingerbread van serves treats for the holidays.

This one has its menu in rainbow fonts. Yet, I’m not sure about the ginger snaps bit.

57. This gingerbread pagoda is all dolled out for Christmas.

Aren’t pagodas supposed to be the equivalent of Buddhist temples? So why it has Christmas decorations makes no sense.

58. This gingerbread log cabin brings a rustic touch.

This one gingerbread logs with icing to fill the gaps. Not to mention, the Chex roof to top it all off.

59. Seems like we found ourselves at a chocolate White House this time.

Caption: “WASHINGTON, DC – DECEMBER 02: A chocolate gingerbread house is on display in the State Dining Room during first lady Michelle Obama’s preview of the 2015 holiday decor at the White House December 2, 2015 in Washington, DC. As part of the Joining Forces initiative, the first lady welcomed military families to the White House for the first viewing of the 2015 holiday decorations.” To be fair, a gingerbread White House is kind of a holiday tradition since the Carter Administration.

60. A gingerbread adobe is well-suited for Christmas in the Southwest.

However, we should note that it doesn’t snow a lot in New Mexico and Arizona. Though this can be forgiven with gingerbread displays.

61. This gingerbread lighthouse is a beacon of splendor.

This one has Christmas decorations near the top. Still, lighthouses are usually not brown for good reason.

62. A Victorian gingerbread house could always do with a tower.

Looks kind of what you’d expect a lot of Victorian mansions to appear in a murder mystery. Like the balconies. Not sure about the tower.

63. Fans of Despicable Me would adore this gingerbread Gru house.

This one has 2 sleighs pulled by minions as well as includes Vector from the first movie. Minion fans will find this adorable.

64. A gingerbread cathedral is a treasured holy sight through a bakery window.

I’m sure this is used in a window to advertise for a bake shop. Because creating a masterpiece like this would require special skills and God-given talent.

65. At this minion house, they all deck the halls.

This one has the Gru house in lights which the minions probably put on. Still, like how they drive and pull the sleigh.

66. With Christmas decorations, this red brick house is in full holiday spirit.

Doesn’t hurt to have Santa and his reindeer stop by either. Love the decor on the windows and balcony.

67. The people of Middle Earth will feel right at home with a gingerbread Shire.

For those who don’t know, the Shire is where the Hobbits live in their little Hobbit holes. And yes, there is a gingerbread village of these.

68. Here we have Santa sailing on the seven seas.

Santa on a wooden ship with his Christmas tree on the deck. However, it’s certainly clear he’s either running this ship by magic or with an elf crew.

69. Seems like we have some golden towers in this gingerbread palace.

Or is it a church which would make much more sense with the Christmas decorations present? At any rate, it’s surely stunning.

70. These gingerbread brownstones make a festive block.

There are even a few shops around the corner. Must be a rather bustling place.

71. A gingerbread gazebo has a Christmas tree in its center.

Well, at least it almost seems like it’s from a park. Love the decorations on here.

72. All aboard at the North Pole Station.

This one even has a train for toys like a Polar Express. This is adorable.

73. This gingerbread barn has red doors and a Christmas tree.

Even includes straw inside. Though I wouldn’t think you’d want a Christmas tree to be near animals since you’d know what they’d do with it.

74. A gingerbread shoe is guaranteed to be a good fit.

This is based off the Nursery Rhyme about an old woman who lived in a shoe with a bunch of kids. Yet, this one has a few homey touches.

75. A Christmas castle has to have all the trimmings.

This gingerbread castle even has lights coming through the windows. Like how it’s in a rather whimsical style.

76. For a fun, old-fashioned, family Christmas, you can’t do without a gingerbread Griswold house.

At first I didn’t get what it supposed to be. Then I saw the RV and beads and then it hit me. Still, this is hilarious.

77. Bet you’ve never seen a grand gingerbread house like this.

Whether it’s a mansion or hotel I can’t really say. Not that it matters one way or the other.

78. So is that how Santa sorts the toys?

For a second, I almost thought it was something you see from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But the toy factory thing makes more sense.

79. Now that has to be a rather ornate gingerbread structure.

Though it’s a gazebo, it has walls which confuse me. So for awhile, I thought it was a guesthouse or something.

80. Hope you enjoy a match at this gingerbread Colosseum.

It’s a gingerbread model of the Roman Colosseum where gladiators fought. Of course, there’s nothing Christmas about it but it’s architecture.

81. At Santa’s Globe Theater, all the world’s a stage.

Of course, there’s a cross section to see the seating. Yet, arrangements are mostly standing room only.

82. A gingerbread Eiffel Tower will surely wow any Parisian.

It’s the kind of building that would make you think of Paris or the French. Still, when it was originally built, people didn’t think it as a crowning achievement.

83. Those on Middle Earth might not want to see this tower watching from Mordor.

No, you really don’t want to be on Sauron’s tail. This is why the Ring of Power was so dangerous since it contained part of his evil spirit.

84. This gingerbread harbor house and lighthouse will watch for stranded sailors.

Yes, this is another gingerbread lighthouse. But at least the lighthouse is white which is an ideal color (since it has to be easily seen at night).

85. Here we come across a gingerbread castle in full Christmas glory.

Yes, I show a lot of these. But this one seems to be a palace that’s straight from the Nutcracker.

86. What’s this? The Nightmare Before Christmas in gingerbread?

This should make a lot of Tim Burton fans happy. Like how Jack is in a Santa suit.

87. A gingerbread castle like this evokes a tale as old as time.

This one is straight from Beauty and the Beast. For nothing says Christmas like Stockholm Syndrome. Still, this is my favorite Disney movie by far.

88. Game of Thrones fans would appreciate a gingerbread of Kings Landing.

Of course, a Game of Thrones Christmas episode would not be a happy one. Because it would certainly entail violence and nudity that’s within HBO standards. Expect a lot of rape and murder.

89. How about a gingerbread of George Washington’s beloved Virginia Mt. Vernon?

It’s very much like Washington’s home save that it’s brown instead of white. Still, an excellent rendition Washington would be proud of.

90. If you enjoyed Alice in Wonderland, then you’ll adore this gingerbread castle.

You can see it’s quite Tim Burtonesque. But I’m sure fans would love it just the same.

91. A gingerbread Hogwarts is a place of magic and wizardry.

This one was made by a cooking school and it shows. Love this.

92. In Philadelphia, we come across a gingerbread building symbolizing early America.

Yes, this is Independence Hall where they issued the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. See it for yourselves.

93. A log gingerbread cabin is always great for Christmas in the mountains.

Well, this is for anyone with a rustic disposition. Though the real life equivalent would cost more than a regular house.

94. Of course, it’s only proper to have a gingerbread Downton Abbey.

After all, they have gingerbread versions of other noteworthy buildings. Still, this is great.

95. This gingerbread carousel will give you a holiday ride.

Well, at least it has Santa’s sleigh. And yes, they do these, too.

96. This gingerbread castle is great for someone who enjoys being under the sea.

Yes, King Trident’s castle is surely magnificent with gingerbread and lights. Though I don’t know about him hiring Sebastian as a babysitter.

97. For a high end holiday celebrations, this gingerbread Bitmore is for you.

The Bitmore is the North Carolina home of the Vanderbilts who built their fortune in the railroad business. Anderson Cooper is related to this family through his mother.

98. Apparently, this ship came in frosted.

Yes, this is another gingerbread ship. Though it looks quite abandoned if you get my drift.

99. In the Shire you can’t find any cozier place than Bag End.

Well, you have to admit though it’s not much to look at outside, it’s a very nice place. And only home to take outside guests when Bilbo’s not on an adventure.

100. This Buckingham Palace gingerbread is a real royal treat.

Like how this one has a lot of colorful window. Wonder how it looks when its lights are turned on. Lovely.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree at the Ugly Sweater Party (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 14, 2016

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As we all know, I couldn’t do some Christmas posts without including another edition for ugly holiday sweaters. Unlike some of the other ones, I deliberately delayed this one since inserting a photo of myself in a sweater at this point required my house to be decorated for the Christmas season. And since I did most of the later edition ones just after Thanksgiving, I had to move it at a later date. Now that we’re in the middle of December, so it’s all fine and dandy. Anyway, though the sweater I wear above isn’t necessarily ugly or Christmas specific, it’s in a similar style that you’d associate with ugly Christmas sweaters this time of year. And yes, they’ve exploded in popularity over the years due to their sheer tackiness. So much so that I’ve found ugly Christmas sweaters for many of my themed posts this year as well. Hell, there are holiday sweaters pertaining to stuff I couldn’t even think of. Nevertheless, since I’m aware of the ugly Christmas sweater’s significance, I know that another post isn’t optional in this case. So for your reading pleasure, I give you yet another assortment of more ugly holiday sweaters for the season.

Fans of A Christmas Story will be tickled pink with this Christmas sweater.

This one contains the leg lamp and Ralphie in the infamous pink bunny outfit. And the lampshades are pink.

2. Of course, someone has to be the fruitcake this Christmas.

For the record, to be known as a fruitcake isn’t a compliment. Those called this are either known to be so disliked they’re passed around, have to be enjoyed with tons of alcohol, or gay. Okay, my apologies to the LGBT community on the last one.

3. Tis the season for rutting reindeer apparently.

To be fair, this is great way to show people why we have certain times a year when we shoot them. Best to wear in front of those with relatives in Mt. Lebanon.

4. It’s always different on Christmas if you are the Christmas tree.

This guy has rainbow tinsel and pom pom ornaments. And he stands out tacky and proud.

5. Stand out in the yuletide festivities with this Christmas tree hat.

Think of it as one of those aluminum Christmas trees on your head. Now don’t you think it looks completely ridiculous?

6. Fans of tasty Christmas treats have to love this gingerbread house sweater.

Still, you have to love how it’s made. The pom poms are used as gum drops. The lace is icing.

7. With this Christmas sweater, you can shine and jingle all the way.

Well, this one is decorated in tinsel and ornaments. Sure to make you stand out like a sore thumb.

8. For cuteness this holiday season, how about this Christmas dress with a kitten?

This one is edged with tinsel. Wonder if this is Hello Kitty since it sure looks like it.

9. High heels must always be trimmed with tinsel.

So I guess tinsel is tacky. Still, like how they used ornaments on these shoes, too.

10. The Grinch will climb the chimney to snatch your Christmas up.

Of course, you really can’t hate the Grinch in any respect. Still, he should be wearing a Santa suit.

11. On Christmas we’re going to party like it’s Jesus’s birthday.

Though we’re not really sure if it is. But setting it on December 25 has more to do with the Jewish idea that prophets died on the day they were conceived.

12. Show off your leg lamp at your Christmas window this holiday season.

And the leg lamp has become an iconic Christmas decoration ever since. Obviously a take off of A Christmas Story.

13. This octopus wishes you Merry Christmas from under the sea.

Yes, apparently there is a such thing as a Christmas octopus. Don’t ask me why.

14. Guess she’s all dolled up for the holidays as a Christmas tree.

Yes, Christmas trees are lovely things to look at. Dressing up like one, not so much.

15. Even the elves seem to have Santa beards.

Well, they kind of resemble garden gnomes. Still, this sweater has plenty of tacky trimmings to set your season right.

16. This Abominable Snowman Christmas sweater is surrounded by lights.

And the lights are all different colors. Still, this is a pretty good resemblance to the one in the cartoon.

17. A Christmas dress always has to have snowmen and gift bows.

Well, it’s not like you’re going to use the gift bows on a present, anyway. Also, trimmed with tinsel.

18. Every time Santa thinks of you, he touches his elf.

Of course, we should all know what this is playing off of. Any children on here, go ask your parents.

19. This Christmas, ring in the holidays with a “Ho, Ho, Ho.”

Well, we all know the word “ho” can have more inappropriate connotations. But you can’t help but like the feathers.

20. A fleece Christmas onesie can keep you safe and warm over the holidays.

Yes, they have these, too, and for adults. And they come with hoods.

21. Seems like this guy knows what he wants for Christmas.

Not sure what that would mean if you want beer for Christmas. Might mean you have a problem.

22. A tutu skirt should always have lights.

Well, these lights aren’t real. But they’re shiny and colorful enough to do just as fine.

23. Uh-oh, Rudolph seems to have gotten caught in the Christmas lights.

Yeah, I don’t think Rudolph would appreciate having lights on him. Might be a hindrance to his job.

24. Forget the sleigh, this year Santa will come on a unicorn from space.

I think I saw a comedian wear one like this on TV once. Still, it’s pretty ridiculous.

25. Any sweater with gingerbread figures has to have lights.

Not sure about having the plush gingerbread men hanging. But they enhance the sweater’s ridiculousness.

26. This penguin wears chains on his ice.

Unfortunately,his gangsta appeal didn’t stop him from becoming a casualty of climate changes. Though this is cute.

27. A great Christmas always needs the right kind of chemistry.

Breaking Bad fans, I hope this Christmas sweater can suit your fancy. Still, not in front of the kids.

28. Seems like the cookies aren’t looking forward to Santa’s visit.

Hey, I didn’t say that Christmas is merry for everyone. Look what this remaining cookie has to deal with.

29. A tinsel Christmas sweater stocking should always have some poinsettias.

Though the poinsettias are clearly plastic. And everything all this is in sheer tackiness.

30. Business cat can always give you a Christmas bonus.

Unfortunately it isn’t the good kind of deposit that put in your bank account. It’s the one that you have to clean up.

31. Merry Christmas from out of this world.

And here we see an alien going down the chimney. Hate to find out what happened to Santa Claus.

32. At the Griswolds’, it’s always a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas.

And it’s probably one that you’d rather skip out on. Mostly because the Clark Griswold isn’t the brightest bulb in the patch. And might even be a bit nuts.

33. I’ve heard that shiny tinsel jackets are all the rage during the holiday season.

Yet, they always seem to be tacky as hell. Not to mention the fake lights and the plastic poinsettia.

34. Your Christmas tree sweater should have all the shiny ornaments.

And it seems like this woman has way overdone herself on the shiny stuff. Then again, tackiness is kind of a thing with these.

35. For gay apparel, you can never have enough gift bows.

Yes, those things seem to appear in the wrapping supplies but you don’t know what to do with them. Still, at least these two put theirs to good use.

36. Nothing says Christmas like a cat at the middle of a wreath.

And it’s a wreath of tinsel and poinsettias. Kind of makes it look more ridiculous.

37. A sweater with tinsel is great in any winter wonderland.

This one seems to have a retro look about it. Maybe it has to do with the pastel colors.

38. Of course, there’s a sweater of the two crooks from Home Alone.

You know the two crooks who Kevin tortures through 2 movies. Still, neither seem to learn but you kind of feel bad for them.

39. On Christmas you gotta have green Christmas tree hair.

I know you might think it’s straight from the Grinch but it’s not. Still, it’s incredibly ridiculous.

40. On Christmas, you don’t want to celebrate with the Griswolds.

And they say it’s only half as good as it looks. I think Clark overestimated on that one.

41. Seems like Santa is going for a high score.

Funny how the walls are made from candy canes. So how will he get those presents?

42. Looks like the shark got entangled in lights.

And you thought it was just humans who had light problems. Then again, if a shark were tangled in lights like that, it would’ve been electrocuted.

43. A holiday sweater must be topped with a big red bow.

Well, that looks easy enough. Tacky, but certainly not requiring much effort.

44. Hey, Griswold, where would you want your Christmas tree?

Yeah, Clark isn’t known for his tact. And yes, this is from Christmas Vacation.

45. Be good for Christmas or else the Krampus may get you.

He’s known to kidnap bad children and beat them. Still, not as creepy as Elf on the Shelf.

46. Seems like there’s a little knot in these lights.

And you can see why my family doesn’t do Christmas lights. Another one from Christmas Vacation.

47. Seems like Santa Claus has been naughty this year.

Looks like he might’ve gotten in a fight from his black eye. Bad, bad, Santa.

48. What the hell is that alien doing to Santa?

Oh, no, don’t tell me they’re doing an anal probe on him! Jesus, this is sick.

49. This is a Christmas sweater worn by a true American patriot.

So much that he has a red, white, and blue eagle with a Santa hat on his back. Please don’t be a Trump supporter.

50. Instead of Christmas, make it Festivus for the rest of us.

Yes, they have these, too. Great to wear when you’re challenged to the Feats of Strength.

51. Merry Christmas and by the way, shitter’s full.

We should note that having Christmas with Cousin Eddie is a bad idea. Because you never know what the hell is in his sewage.

52. A tacky poncho must have M&Ms.

This one has Christmas M&Ms and no sleeves. Like the red edged collar.

53. This holiday season, the Dude abides.

Apparently, they have a Christmas sweater for The Big Lebowski. In some respect, I kind of think it’s out of their element.

54. Must not disturb the Clauses doing their business.

One sweater has Santa on the toilet. The other has Mrs. Claus in the tub. Not sure which is tackier.

55. Nothing’s in the spirit of Christmas like a sequin bauble blazer.

I know what you’re thinking. Sorry, but I guarantee you it’s probably not from the 1970s. But yes, I wouldn’t want to be caught dead in it.

56. Speaking of sequins, check out the one raining gingerbread men.

This one looks even worse. Surely worn by a guy who’ should probably cut it on the eggnog.

57. Wish everyone a merry Christmas with some stockings hung on your rack.

For some reason, the stockings were hung at a very convenient place. Not that it matters to me.

58. With Christmas sweaters, you can never overdo the tassels.

On second thought, yes, you can. You certainly can. You can also add lights, too.

59. Light yourself up in this sequin blazer this holiday season.

Yes, it’s another sequin jacket. But this one contains lights. And yes, it looks ridiculous.

60. Finally, nothing makes a better Christmas in Florida like this sweater.

Because this Christmas sweater screams Florida as far as I can tell. Then again, I doubt that Floridians even wear Christmas sweaters at all.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: Christmas and holiday season