Apparently, the dogs seem to have others ideas. Also, is she hugging a fur coat?

I’m sure this yuletide drag routine is fine for RuPaul’s Drag Race. But for a Christmas album? Not so much. Also, the title doesn’t help matters either.

This doesn’t seem to be very Christmasy. Nothing here seems to inspire good cheer at all. Just a vast blackness.

Bette Midler looks as if she’s about select tributes on Reaping Day. Not celebrate Christmas.

Though Towa couldn’t seem to eke a smile since a fly had been buzzing around her. This was the best she could do.

Then again, Santa was probably expecting a gaudy palace. And he was disappointed that he came to surprisingly normal furnishings.

Guess the chemistry they had in Grease has evaporated. Also, is that John’s real hair?

Can’t believe you’d find another cat singing album. Still, the cat on the guitar is hilarious.

Don’t seem to have any Christmas decorations here. But you have a couple glaring Irish stereotypes.

Yeah, that guy seems more suited for a sex offender list than a Christmas album cover. And no, the Santa hat and beard doesn’t help.

No, I don’t think the girls like Bob from accounting because he plays the organ. Rather it’s because he spends his lunch breaks creeping in the ladies room.

I’m sure the music is good. But depicting instruments as cartoon characters is more appropriate for a kids’ album.

Though I do think seeing the reindeer with a cigarette is quite amusing. Then again, maybe that explains the look on Santa’s face.

From Music Radar: “As far as we know, this is the only one that looks like a carefully posed backwoods murder scene.” Caption reads: “Bob Kames, now in the Black Lodge forever.”

From Classic FM: “OK, so there’s a massive ghost version of ASVO, a creepy beach scene and a child on some sort of weird camping chair being pushed by an unknown adult. If that’s Christmas in the Otter household, we dread to think what happens at New Year.”

Though why a boy would be exhilarated to receive a new pair of loafers is beyond me. Seriously, that’s a face of a boy who gets an Xbox.

From Classic FM: “We can’t fault the repertoire on this album, but the horrifying cover art is all over the place. And you’d think they’d get cold, gaily larking about on that incredibly realistic ice rink.”

From Official Charts: “It’s never inappropriate for two grown women to straddle a man dressed as Santa, is it?” Either way, Santa doesn’t seem to mind.

From Classic FM: “Dame Kiri is so excited about Christmas this year that she’s decided to wear nothing but Christmas decorations.” Kind of makes sense.

From Classic FM: “What do you mean we forgot to do the album artwork? Oh never mind, just knock something together with MS Paint, no-one will know. Clip-art’s really popular now anyway.”

From Music Radar: “This country coming-together is a spin-off from another Christmas special, CBS’ Kenny & Dolly: A Christmas To Remember from 1984. It’s also the exact moment at which Dolly Parton stopped aging – that mounted reindeer shows more wear from the last quarter century than the miniature dynamo.”

From Official Charts: “We don’t really have much to say about this absolute monstrosity but you can’t keep using ‘it’s cold’ as an excuse, Dapper…”

Donny Osmond here seems like he’d rather spend the holidays outside in the freezing cold than spend time with his family. And we thought the Osmonds were a happy bunch.

That way, if you don’t want to snuggle with her, she’ll hack you to pieces and feed you to the fire. Now isn’t that nice?

And you can definitely see he tan lines as the tinsel and ornaments cover her naughty bits. Still, I’m sure this is part of a marketing ploy.

What do you mean this was from 2003? And it reached 25 on the charts? They also have a music video on YouTube which appears straight out of an acid trip. And yes, it’s as bad as you think.

Seems like these guys got caught up in the Christmas lights. Thankfully, they didn’t suffer any injuries. But none seem happy about it.

Apparently, while Santa bestows presents to all the girls and boys, he also tends to kidnap a few of them. Yes, definitely an album cover to induce trauma and nightmares.

Even Santa thinks this is ridiculous. Yeah, Ice-T, I think you’re an embarrassment by this point.

From Music Radar: “The cover to this gourd music monster looks like a soft-focus snuff movie before the messy part begins. The noise is even worse: it sounds a bit like real music, in the same way a tongueless dog howling at the moon sounds like a trained choirist. See?”

Still, he doesn’t seem to wear the Santa suit well. Then again, this seems like a contractual obligation.

Though she could just as easily throw her cat on her lap into the fire. Don’t think this album’s full of good cheer at all.

One of these Santas is giving the finger. And no, you don’t want to know what’s under their robes. Also, is that cage in the background?

Though to be fair, there are a lot of shitty Christmas albums out there. It’s just this one’s sung by a someone who knows he’s crap.

Though one of these guys looks as if he’s getting strangled by his scarf. Way to go, guys.

This is said to be 142 on Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Albums of all time. However, since it was produced by Phil Spector, the imagery seems rather unsettling in hindsight. Because we all know that Spector would later go to prison for murder.

Yet, instead of decorating a Christmas tree, Jamaicans use a pot plant, which kind of works. Okay, maybe not. Still, is it any wonder why we associate reggae music with marijuana?

It seems like this guy’s in a dark alley to get some bootleg albums for his family. Doesn’t seem to have a smile emanating good cheer.

From Music Radar: “Keeping up the collaborative theme, the album art was apparently designed through a colouring competition in McDonalds.” Also, this is from 1999?

I’m not sure waht that has to do with Christmas. But I won’t be surprise if he’s tripping balls by now.

To be fair, I’m sure this album was made somewhere in Latin America. But still, Santa and the 3 Wise Men? That can’t be right.

There they are in the back of Santa’s sleigh. And it seems that Santa just took notice.

However, he appears to be sporting a sunburn while he’s playing a guitar. Also, no one wants to see him in a swimsuit.

From Classic FM: “We know, we know, it’s not right to play the ‘highbrow’ card when it comes to classical music. But really. Poodles? A sun with a face on it? A sequined sack with a cello coming out of it? Many, many composers are turning in their graves.”

Howdy Doody was a popular kid’s show in the 1950s. Though I totally understand if you think it was a horror show with killer clowns and dolls that would haunt your dreams.

I’m sure this is kind of intentional. Still, it’s guaranteed to at least offend someone, which is kind of the point.

Looking at this, you’d think the North Pole was run the same way as the Playboy Mansion. Also, I don’t think yuletide lingerie can keep you from freezing to death in sub zero temperature. But Santa likes what he sees.

From Classic FM: “You know, this one wouldn’t be so bad if they actually looked like they were enjoying themselves. Even the dog looks clinically fed-up.”

From Music Radar: “Normally, skiing without a helmet is considered dangerous, but Kim’s side parting is resin-coated and is strong enough to withstand bullets even when fired from close range.”

Okay, those heads are photoshopped to dolls. Guaranteed to inspire some yuletide nightmares during the season. Yeah, that really creeps me out.